#( ew i got the new editor i hate it )

[lgcjiho]

hello friends this is long overdue but i wanted to put out a general plot call for both jiho and @lgcsomin! (but i'll put a post up on her eventually) i've been slacking severely with writing and plotting bc i was travelling, moving countries, figuring out life, etc etc etc. ANYWAYS, welcome to all the new people who i've missed welcoming <3

with that being said, please

LIKE THIS POST for general plotting bc jiho needs more friends and people to interact with and talk to that aren't his members (no shade to the other v&a members)

i'm also available on twitter or d*scord (young_story) if you would prefer that, just lmk your user. i'll be including a re-intro to jiho under the cut since he's been around since forever and i haven't made an update post in ages. i wrote one up months ago and never got around to posting it LOL and i think it might help with plotting? idk dfjsdfjhsdfkj.

lee jiho, leader of v&a and also v&a's subunit agito, main dancer, lead vocal, born october 31, 2000, 23 years old

mock kprofiles / about page

he was scouted while in line for the men’s washroom at his school’s music festival and he thought he was being scammed at first. he actually put off calling the recruiter dude back for a long time until someone joked that he had the looks to be an idol and he suddenly remembered it and called as a joke and to sate his curiosity

he had no dreams whatsoever of being an idol and was pursuing a career in business, hoping to open his own cafe one day.. it's still his dream but he's put it on the backburner for now because he's found that he really does enjoy being an idol

was convinced by a close friend to audition since he’s always been good at singing + dancing even if he was usually just fooling around with friends either at karaoke or when they booked a studio for fun

he auditioned with singing (he sang iu’s hold my hand) and doing a little freestyle dance that was requested of him and surprisingly passed the audition and became an official legacy trainee in january of 2018

his parents were kind of ??? when he told them and originally weren’t very supportive because it was so sudden and he’s not usually *that* spontaneous but as he started settling into being a trainee and enjoying it, they’ve come around and now are his biggest fans

also it probably helped that jaesun and jaehwa were in the company (they’re cousins on their moms’ side)

during his trainee days, he really stuck to himself and only worked to better himself. he never really saw anyone as a rival and only saw his past self as his rival and wanted to continuously become the better version of himself. he was always Peak Introvert so the way he made friends was that he was awkward enough that extroverted people would come and take him under their wing LOL

he was pretty popular from the very first season of future dreams and was one of the front runners for all seasons he participated in, and eventually was confirmed to debut in season 3 of future dreams, and later debuted as the leader of agito on august 27, 2021

was entirely shocked that he was given the leader role because he’s such an introvert and didn't think he did too well during all the times he was in the leader position but has since sort of stepped and grown into the role and loves it now

he’s notoriously confident in himself, and has always been though it might have been slightly Extra before, he truly thinks he deserves to act that way now LOL

i always liken him to a cat (his official emoji on bubble and translation accounts is 🐱) but specifically a cat who’s owner has told him “no, don’t you dare” as he holds eye contact and then immediately smacks the bottle off the table without a second thought

he’s currently working on writing and producing songs, wanting to write and produce a full song for agito one day (i want him to become the bang chan/hongjoong of agito) as currently has the most credits for lyric writing in all of the new gen of legacy artists

is notoriously known to spend the majority of his waking hours in his personal studio (the v&a members tend to come and drag him home at night)

aside from v&a stuff, he’s publicly known for being a model and also for putting out a lot of covers on v&a’s youtube channel

he recently put out a studio choom dance cover and he’s very proud of it and is somewhat interested in possibly acting more but he's happy with what he's doing and what he's accomplished so far

some plot ideas

he's pretty well known as a workaholic so more people to text him and force him to do things other than work on days off would be nice tbh

friends from his trainee days! or even friends from uni that knew him before he became a trainee and joined legacy and are surprised to see him around

if you're a fan of him, he's always very warm and accommodating and does his best to give advice and be a good sunbae

honestly people who dislike him could be a fun dynamic bc he would be confused (not as to why people hate him but he doesn't really know how they would know enough about him to hate him LOL)

making friends at the convenience store at night when he steps out to get 2am ramyeon bc his stash has run out

admittedly i'm rly bad at coming up with plots but i would love to brainstorm and see where that takes us

sorry this is so long dshjfbkhfjs

[yall-hate-kids-tourney]

Loser Round 4: Damian Wayne (DC) vs. Jason Todd (DC)

A rematch? It's so funny how the bracket turned out this way.

Propaganda under the cut.

Damian Wayne (9-14):

Damian is a kid who was raised as an assassin and because of that when he first appears he has some really messed up ideas of how to prove himself to his father by being aggressive with the criminals they capture and attacking his brother. Because of this people act like he is the most evil character ever and refuse to give him any grace. They make him out to be this awful irredeemable monster who just wants to kill his brother and hurt people. If the fandom isn’t making his out to be The Worst(tm) then they are ignoring his existence all-together. He is a really interesting character who has done some not so great things but he’s grown and learned a lot through various character arcs (as much of an arc as a comic book character can have) and he deserves to be acknowledged for himself and not just as a villain so that people can woobify his brother.

——

HES JUST A LITTLE BABY GUY!!!!! Little baby man raised as an assassin and learning how to be a real person <3. But because he was kind of a dick and also a little stabby early-on, especially to the fandom's main "so sad uwu depressed baby" blorbo (and also he's not white), people treat him like he's satan incarnate

Jason Todd (~12):

Most of the Tumblr fandom likes this guy but if you step outside this website then wham so many people say he got what he deserved as a kid and Batman can't be cool if he's a dad so it's important for Batman to trash-talk his dead child constantly so we can all agree what a bad idea it was. Also wanna highlight that a lot of the records we have from fans at the time were clear they disliked Robin for BEING a child. Like a lot of the little dude characters in this tournament are treated too harshly for making an ugly choice and the fans aren't being understanding or sympathetic that the choice is made by a child character who is immature and not developed and strong enough to make a good choice and stuff. But THIS little dude was specifically hated FOR being a child. People wanted tough loner guy Batman not Batdad and his little buddy. The first Robin would drive back from college and guest star sometimes and be advertised as the Teen Wonder and people were like yeah okay but then Batman actually starts being a single parent for a child with needs and people were like UGH not the BOY Wonder. Today pretty much everywhere you see Batman fans saying Batman is better solo, no kid, it's not realistic to have a kid, a kid shouldn't be in the movies blah. Even if the comics they always find a way to send away the new kid so that Batman never has to parent. So all the Robins are being excluded from the narrative but I think this one is THE symbol of Batman fans hating a child character just for being a child.

-

Robin, Jason Todd, THE hated child character. In the 1980s, Batman comics had become increasingly dark and gritty. According to editor O'Neil himself, the courted audience wasn't kids but 19-40 year old men with disposable income. Batman's child sidekick, Robin, was offensively campy and childish. Fans called him wimpy, annoying, dumb, bratty, etc. Also people complained that Batman acting like an affectionate dad was unmanly and gay. Robin acts violent and emotional and people are like "ew he's so childish and emotional"—and then Batman literally acts just as murderously and emotionally within literally the same exact story and people are like "wow he's so dark and tortured". So in 1988 (after brutalizing Batgirl to get rid of her for being too bright and nice and kid-friendly), DC held a paid poll for fans to vote for Robin to live or die. O'Neil claims he heard a fan (a grown man with a dayjob as a lawyer) programmed a phone to spam kill votes. One fanguy claimed that he sold his Mercedes to buy kill votes (probably an exaggeration but still). By less than 1% margin, the vote decided to kill Robin in a spectacularly violent way. Anyway the 1989 Batman movie brought in a huge wave of new child comicbook fans who liked the new Robin (a very cool teenage high school Robin with a driver's license and a girlfriend), and DC started a separate Robin-less Batman series called Legends of the Dark Knight to make the anti-Robin writers and fans happy. But to this day, many fans agree it was a good idea to kill off the other Robin so that his foolish death reminds other characters to never be childish and stupid again. Bonus: the current Robin (usually a traumatized 10-year-old) has also been facing some pretty loud hatred for over 15 years.

[staawberru]

my childhood friend wrote a gay omegaverse faction about me! Chapter 3

a/n wish my editor well they where vary scared editing this chapter

chapter one | next chapter | last chapter | masterlist

Jobie pov

    The date is going horribly. Kendyl and I are sitting inside of this cute cafe waiting for our food. You’d think on a date you’d want to talk to the person you're with, hold hands, kiss even. Not like anyone would want to kiss that animal. But now me and Kendyl are sitting awkwardly. That’s not important right now though, you didn’t say anything about Kendyl, you didn’t scream or yell or even get mad! What a joke. I mean, would you at least be a little jealous? I kissed him for god sake! the thought of your childhood friend getting in a relationship would anger you, shouldn’t it? And that girl! She dared talk to what’s mine! Ugh this is sickening! I need to go home, chill by myself, and wash my mouth. Like ew, I’d think kissing this dog multiple times would help me get used to it, but no, unfortunately, honestly it’s getting worse. I glared at Kendyl. He was back to scrolling on his phone, uncaring. He was such a useless person, and he doesn’t even care about me, he doesn’t love me. The only thing that’s important about me is that I’ll help get what he wants. The reason he asked me to date him was just to piss off his parents, and after the whole thing blows over, he’s just going to push me away. It doesn’t bother me though. I'm using him too, to get you. He doesn’t matter, it's you, you're the important one, you're the one who matters, you're the one that cares about me… in your own weird way. You may not like to say anything to me, or be around me, but I know you care for me. I know it. You wanted to tell me something earlier, you probably wanted to apologize or tell me you love me, and the way you got all close, and you even blushed! I mean, you wouldn’t do that to someone you hate, you just don’t! That has to be proof of your love. Can we talk about your face when I grabbed your arm, I mean you were totally terrified! You just didn’t show it fully, but I’ll make you show it. Oh to have you under my grasp, to make you the one all weak, the one to shuffle in embarrassed under me. It sounds like heaven, but that heaven is far. Not impossible though.

  I look at my phone and I see my new obsession update “ways on how to catch a darling”. It was a semi popular manhwa made recently. The whole plot was about this young guy stalking his crush to the point that they kill themselves and the guy decides to write a story, and it’s the story you're reading. It was so interesting the emotions were perfect and it honestly reminded me of you. The way the darling was all confident and proud and at the slightest inconvenience they crumbled. Now I’m not crazy, I don't want you to die. Just to listen to my every command, is it that hard? 

   “So why were you hanging out with him?” Kendyl asks as he takes a sip of his drink. I glare at him. He has no right to talk about you, especially in such a demeaning way. 

   “He’s my friend,” I say. There is no way I’m letting this animal talk about you badly, you’re too precious. Kendyl chuckles and shakes his hand.

    “I saw the way he looked at us, just like my parents.” Kendyl says, so clearly amused. I frown. I know you're homophobic but hearing it out loud made it worse for whatever reason, but I know that one day you’ll accept me, accept us.

   “I know,” my response was short and direct. I was done talking about you to that animal. He doesn’t deserve to say your name, or talk about you, or even think about you. I scowl. I'm sick of looking at his face.

   “Hey, this reminds me of this one movie I watched,” Usually I ignore him when he starts talking about his pornos, but he says something that catches my attention. “This guy is all tough and whatever and he's all football and shit.” Kendyl used air quotes to make his point. “Anyway, he has this girlfriend who likes totally the dumb blond type and then one day she was murdered ooOOOo,” he said sarcastically. “Anywho, turns out this twink killed her because he was jealous and wanted the jock guy all to himself. And the twink totally fucked the shit out of the jock.” he laughs. “I mean it’s funny this small guy manhandled a 6 '5 beast.” Kendyl laughs harder. “And like-,” I stopped listening there. I didn’t want to listen to him rant anymore then I had to, but something he said intrigued me. Well multiple things, first the jock sounded just like you and the blond bitch seems a lot like the purple haired girl I saw texting you earlier. And the twink, I hate to sound like Kendyl but a small guy like that killing someone sounds funny. I mean imagine me killing somebody, me! Imagine me killing Kendyl or that freak texting you or maybe even my sister, I saw the way you ogle her. God to be the one who you stare at like that. Oh I wonder if you would be scared of me then. Of course you would! I can be the one to manhandle you, be the one to bend you over to see the tears run down your cheeks, it would be just perfect! But I know it would never happen. Well, maybe in a fanfiction or story. Maybe I can live out my dreams in a fanfiction, a yaoi omegaverse fanfic! Omegaverse has always been my favorite. But it can just be about me and you, well maybe I can add Kendyl so I can kill him off, and maybe that purple haired bitch, but make her a guy. I don’t even want to write about her, so maybe making her a guy will make it slightly better, same with my sister. 

   “I have to go,” I say, not willing to hear Kendyl’s voice anymore. 

   “Huh? What about the food?” He asked. I glared but gave him ten bucks to pay for it. Not wasting another second, I rush home and start to write. I’m no longer going to be the sweet innocent little Jobie anymore, I’m no longer going to be the Jobie who freaks out when you swear, I’m no longer the Jobie who follows you around like a loser, and I’m no longer the Jobie you can push around. I will be the Jobie who you look up to, the Jobie who saves you from this horrible place, these horrible people. I might not be able to in the real world, but in this book I’m going to write I will be.

[saikokirakira]

Part 2 of 2: Pagtingin (Feelings) [Steve Harrington x Reader]

a/n: hello. it me. i definitely did not forget to post part two. if you would believe it, i was actually getting sick every week the past month because of the insane hours and workload of my new job. so, umm, probably not lasting long there... i wanna be pretty again and lose all the stress hives all over my body.

summary: based on this blurb on a hanahaki au/flayed!reader

word count: 12k words (big boi over here; i definitely bullied our girl throughout this entire chapter)

warning: barely proofread, only edited twice; no use of y/n; steve is an oblivious himbo (but i'll excuse it because he was the ultimate bbg in s3); ANGST TRAIN, hurt no comfort; moms of hawkins summer '85 (i have 911 on standby); billy "walking red flag" hargrove; unrequited feelings / pining; minor violence; body horror (it's hanahaki, what'd you expect?); writer's torture of a self-insert character; stranger things season 3 canon, but Alexei lives fyuck canon actually; metal goodboi cameo

You despised summer. You didn’t used to hate summer, but working in the summer heat when your recently recurring childhood asthma gets triggered by intense heat wasn’t the best option for you. While you couldn’t pass off as a lifeguard at the Hawkins Community Pool, your neighbour and acquaintance, Heather Holloway, pulled some strings to have you manning the snack bar.

It wasn’t ideal, but it certainly opened up the opportunity to listen in to a lot of gossip all around town. Not your favourite pastime, yet Heather enjoyed the very juicy ones, something you noticed she most likely inherited from her father, the chief editor for the town’s paper. Every time her shift ended, so did yours and either you share interesting stories of the day while you drive home or to the newly opened Starcourt Mall.

“Ew, those women are either married or divorced,” your nose wrinkled in disgust at Heather’s favourite gossip topic, Hawkins group of moms. Specifically, their scheduled visits to the pool whenever Billy Hargrove would be on duty as lifeguard.

“He likes the attention, I guess,” Heather shrugged, “and the moms get to ogle eye candy.”

“Still a minor, Heather.”

“Uh-uh, he turned 18 a few months back,” Heather argued, though the distaste was apparent on her face. “The term is barely legal.” Then she suddenly giggled. “I’m still calling the police when they make a direct move,” she half-joked. “I know they call me a bitch behind my back.”

“You’re a menace.”

“And you’re a sissy,” Heather shot back. “When are you going to ask Steve Harrington ou— JESUS!” She clung at the grab handle when your foot landed too much on the gas pedal. “No need to take me with you to hell just because you can’t get a date.” Then with a cheeky grin, she added, “I heard Steve can’t get a date either, and he talks up anyone at that ice cream place.”

You slammed the brakes. “That’s it!” you exclaimed. “You’re walking the rest of the way to Starcourt!” The only reply you had was Heather’s maniacal giggles at getting you so riled up.

You and Heather parted ways when you arrived at Starcourt after telling you that she’d be getting a ride home with her date. You waved her off and headed to Scoop’s Ahoy. A group of girls were giggling as they were leaving when you got there. You also noticed the whiteboard that Robin, Steve’s co-worker, held up, adding another tally on the “You suck” scoreboard.

“See what I have to deal with?” Steve immediately ranted, jerking a finger at Robin’s direction. “If you worked with me, I don’t have to be subjected with workplace abuse.”

You and Robin snorted in sync. “You poor baby,” you cooed teasingly while pinching Steve’s cheek. “How can I ever live without the longer shifts, ridiculous uniform, and being your wingman?” You earned another laugh from Robin while Steve scoffed before shooting you a pout.

“Well, you certainly miss me since you constantly visit as soon as your shift ends,” Steve shot back.

“Sure, I’m definitely not here as Heather’s chauffer to her movie date,” you said, “or just hanging out at the comic book store.”

“You want me to come wi—?”

“Bye, Robin!” you ignored his offer yet still blowing Steve a raspberry to which he rolled his eyes at. Exiting the ice cream shop, you made you way to the pharmacy first before the comic book store. It was mostly empty when you got there, so it was a breeze in getting your prescription inhaler.

It’s been forever since you had asthma, the last one during your elementary days. Your wheezing fits had only come back since that occurrence in those tunnels that you still see in your nightmares. However, after the countless tests and screening from military scientists, they cleared it to just “your body shifting from all the trauma.”

You’d think after opening gates to other dimensions with monsters, they’d be able to create a cure for asthma.

The thought was highly amusing to you that you almost missed the fiery redhead that just entered the pharmacy. Your eyes watched Max Mayfield carefully as she walked through the aisles with her head low, trying to be inconspicuous. Grabbing your bag of prescription, you slowly followed where Max wandered off, which happened to be a shelf of bandages.

You almost let it go, knowing that her skateboard hobby always led her to a number of scrapes and bruises. But when she reached for the bandage wrap on the high shelf, her shirt sleeve revealed a hand-shaped mark wrapped around her pale wrist. Trying to be nonchalant as possible, you approached her and grabbed the bandage for her, ignoring how Max quickly put her arm down and tugged at her sleeve.

“Skateboarding mishap again, red?”

Max’s signature cocky smirk covered the surprise on her face. “It’s one of my better falls,” she said. Then her eyes wandered to the prescription bag in my hand. “Still have those? They said you’d be better in a couple of weeks since the incident.”

“Well, I didn’t, so here I am,” you shrugged. “Hey, listen, I’m heading out to the comic book store if you want to tag along. My treat.”

Once you were at the community pool. Though you resorted to buying your carefully as she skimmed through the new arrival stack. You didn’t really have anything worth buying since most of the comics you read are from Dustin’s collection that he recommends and lends to you every other week. Sometimes you get the appeal, sometimes you didn’t. Still, it was a great way to pass the time when things are slow from working the snack bar at the comic book store if you want to tag along. My treat.”

Maybe you should’ve offered to buy Max a cone from Scoops Ahoy instead.

“You got any good recommendations?” you randomly asked the guy who just walked in. You seem to have caught him off-guard, the look of surprise that you were talking to him. “Munson, right?”

“Yeah, Eddie,” he said after a brief pause. “Didn’t think you’d be the type to read comics.”

You thought so too. But you also didn’t think that monsters that live in an alternate dimension exist.

You shrugged. “I read almost anything to pass the time,” you said. “Henderson lends me a lot of X-men.”

Eddie was about to reply when Max approached you with two Wonder Woman comics. “I can pay for the other one,” she offered.

You scoffed lightly and ruffled the top of her head. “Don’t be ridiculous,” you said. “Didn’t I say it was my treat?” Before she could argue, you snatched both copies from her hand and headed to the counter with her trailing behind you. “See you around, Munson.”

You and Max wandered aimlessly around the mall. You offered to go watch whatever movie was in the cinema, but Max turned you down, saying that she had plans with the party later that week once their campaign planning was through. After you ran out of things to do, you offered to drive her home, which she sheepishly accepted.

Before you could even pull out the parking area, Max said, “I know you saw the bruise. You didn’t have to do all that to make me feel better.”

A surprised smile tugged at your lips, impressed on how quickly she caught up on your intentions. “I don’t really have any sisters to dote on,” you said, “so it isn’t entirely on pity. I know you can stand up for yourself, red.” You continued, “But promise me one thing?”

Max nodded.

“You tell me when anything gets too much, okay?” You held her hand to show your support. “I’m always going to be here for you.” Trying to lighten up the mood, you added, “Billy is a prick anyway.” Then you pulled the car into drive.

“He has it worse than me.”

You tried to hold in your composure, but you couldn’t help your eyebrows rising up at the unexpected information. You always suspected something going on with Billy. No one suddenly becomes an asshole overnight. That you knew from being friends for a long time with Steve. Aside from the horrible friends he used to have, Steve grew up with his parents barely around, and even if they were, his father was always either hard on him or emotionally absent.

“Well, it doesn’t give him the right to take it out on you.”

“I know.”

Later that week, you were at your usual spot at the snack booth. The heat was especially brutal that day at it almost felt that your lungs were constricting every time you tried to breathe out. Not even ice water seemed to help, and when the thin clouds cleared, the blaring sunlight only made it worse, even though you were under the shade of the booth.

“Hey, watch the stand for me?” you said to your co-worker who mostly just tried to look busy by restacking cans of soda and rearranging the chips as a way to avoid kids yelling out their orders. He sighed but nodded, getting up to man the counter. On your way out of the booth, you pulled out your inhaler out of your backpack and staggered into the searing sunlight to make your way to Heather.

As you took a blip of your inhaler, you didn’t notice the person near you and collided into them, sending your inhaler flying. “Shit,” you muttered, picking up the plastic case. “Sorry about that.” You looked up and paled upon the realisation that you bumped into Billy Hargrove.

Billy didn’t seem to mind and just grunted before brushing past you. If anything, he looked as disoriented as you, dishevelled and profusely sweating. He had an obvious stumble to his step on his way to the locker room to what you assumed was to get ready for his shift.

You had half a mind to approach him when you heard “Hey! No dunking, Curtis!” from the pool area. You were suddenly reminded of your current task and shrugged off the Billy’s concerning state. For all you know, he was still probably drunk from whatever party he was at last night. It was summer break after all.

You carefully avoided being splashed near the poolside as you circled over to where Heather was stationed at the lifeguard post. Unfortunately, you almost tripped from another dizzy spell again and collided with another person. Just your luck.

“Oh, dear,” a woman this time voiced her concern. “Are you okay, hon? Maybe you should stay out of the heat.”

You steadied yourself and stared into the eyes of Karen Wheeler. “I’m okay, Mrs. Wheeler,” you wheezed. “Sorry ‘bout that.”

“Drink some water!” Mrs. Wheeler called out before walking off.

Finally, you were able to tell Heather that you were cutting your shift short and that you couldn’t drive her to her dad’s office as you agreed on earlier that day. She waved you off and told you to drive carefully, assuring you that she could always call her mom to pick her up later.

On your way out, you noticed Mrs. Wheeler coming out of the locker room looking distressed and teary-eyed. She didn’t seem to notice you staring at her as she made her way back to the pool area. A few moments later, Billy came out of the same room, still looking as physically uncomfortable as before.

For the past weeks of working at the pool, it was no secret that one of Billy’s favourite moms was Mrs. Wheeler. But was there really some illicit affair between them? You probably wouldn’t put it past Billy, but the woman had three kids, for goodness’ sakes. You made a mental note to ask Heather what she knew about it tomorrow.

After a gruelling half hour drive while cranking your A/C up to full blast, you finally got home. You barely got a mouthful of ice water when your door rang. You wondered who it could be when the neighbours knew that you and your parents were usually at work during the entire day.

“Hey, can you drive us to Starcourt?”

You stared into the wild grins of El and Max, standing excitedly on your doorstep. Fifteen minutes later, you were back in your car, playing chauffeur for the two girls giggling from the backseat of your car.

“I’m telling you, El, boyfriends lie,” Max insisted. She poked you. “Tell her.”

You chuckled dismissively at their tween antics. “I wouldn’t know.”

Both El and Max paused and focused their attention on you.

“You haven’t dated anyone?”

“I’ve been on dates,” you clarified, “but I never really dated anyone.”

“Why?” El asked. It was more inquisitive than mocking or accusatory. She was very curious, that one.

“Because she has the biggest crush on Steve.”

“Oh, my God!” you exclaimed. “Does everyone just know about that?”

“Well, anyone with eyes, yeah,” Max said, rolling her eyes for good measure. “The only reason why he hasn’t caught up is because boys are dumb.”

That made you laugh out loud despite the discomfort in your ribs.

When you arrived at the mall, you expected to have them run off to who knows where while you hung out at the waiting area, taking advantage of the air conditioning, but those two dragged you to every clothing outlet at the mall. You tried to not exert yourself, but it was hard not to match their energy when they were clearly having so much fun. It was even so endearing to see El emerging from her shell, trying out outfits that she genuinely liked and not those lumberjack fits that Chief Hopper had her on all the time.

By the third store, you insisted to sit that one out and merely watch them try on a bunch of different hats. You giggled at them posing at the mirror as if they were at a fashion show. However, you only had a moment of peace before Max approached you with a sundress that looked way too close to your size.

“No,” you stood your ground.

“Yes.”

“No!”

“Yes, then we’re going to Scoops Ahoy to get cones after this.”

“Ask Steve out on a date,” El urged, smiling encouragingly.

“What happened to ‘boys are dumb?’” you said, raising your brow.

“He’s not going to ask you out first, so you will do it for him!” Max said. She and El both grabbed each of your arm and pulled you to your feet and into the dressing room then tossing in the dress and pulling the curtain shut.

You stared at yourself in the mirror and the dress you held in front of you. You hated to admit it, but it was a pretty dress. Even if you couldn’t score a date with Steve, at least you had a great addition to your wardrobe. With that positive thought in mind, you pulled your shirt over your head and hung it on one of the clothing hooks.

You carefully pulled down the zipper on the dress when you noticed something odd on your reflection. Peering closer on the mirror, you stared at your ribs, noticing the almost black veins that almost seemed to be moving underneath the skin. What the…

“Are you done?!” Max called out from behind the curtain.

You snapped out of it and quickly pulled on the dress. All your initial worries faded once you saw yourself in the mirror. For good measure, you pulled your hair out of your scrunchie and let your tresses fall out in waves over your shoulder.

“Wow,” El and Max chorused.

You didn’t even notice them pulling the curtain open.

When you made your way to Scoops Ahoy, Max and El apparently had already made plans that you don’t come in with them. “Let it be a surprise,” Max had said. It was almost ridiculous that you were letting 14-year-olds dictate you on how to get a date from your crush.

“Okay, here you go, you got a strawberry and then a vanilla with sprinkles, extra whipped cream.” Steve paused and looked at the two girls suspiciously, especially at El. “Wait a second,” he thought out loud, “are you even supposed to be here?”

The two girls giggled, and El said, “A pretty girl drove us here.”

The words ‘pretty’ and ‘girl’ caught Steve’s attention. Predictable. “Yeah?” he grinned, leaning forward as if asking for more details. “She still with you?”

“You know her, silly,” Max giggled before running off with El. On their way out, they both flashed you a thumbs up and mouthed, “good luck.”

You stepped inside Scoops Ahoy with a newfound confidence. It was definitely the dress, and you hope it paid off. When Steve caught sight of you, his eyes brightened up and flashed you his charming smile.

“Hey, stranger,” Steve greeted. “I see the girls made you their babysitter and chauffer.”

You tried not to let your smile falter when you didn’t get the reaction you hoped. You laughed, trying not to give off the fact that your confidence was quickly crumbling. “Yeah,” you said, “my shift ended early at the pool.”

“That’s great!” Steve cheered. “Listen, Dustin just caught Russians on his new radio thing, and we’re trying to translate it. Spy shit and all.”

You blinked. “Dustin’s back?”

“Yeah,” Steve nodded animatedly, “he’s at back with Robin translating the tape. Well, mostly Robin. Didn’t even know she’s amazing at languages.” He continued, keeping his excited energy, “She already knocked down a couple phrases. Isn’t that cool?”

Then it clicked.

Steve liked Robin.

Too late again.

“Listen, we can use your help because there’s this music at the end that I couldn’t remember where it came from,” Steve said. “Robin and Dustin say it’s stupid, but you can back me—”

“Um,” you breathed out. You cleared your throat, wondering why you started to get out of breath again. “I still have to drive the girls home before dark,” you said, gently turning him down.

“Oh.”

“Um, call me if you find something cool?” You didn’t wait for him to reply and turned your back on him. As soon as you left Scoops Ahoy, you pulled your inhaler out your pocket and took a blip, but it seemed to only make your lungs angrier and cramp even more.

As agreed upon earlier, you found the girls at the main doors of the mall, but they were in a heated conversation with Mike and the rest of his party. You sighed and quickly approached them before it turned into a full argument.

“I dump your ass!” El declared, making you stop in your steps. Lucas and Max were flabbergasted at the outburst, except Max looked somewhat proud. Mike just looked lost and was clearly at a loss for words. Will just looked uncomfortable enough to be witnessing the entire thing.

“Okay, that’s enough,” you interfered. “We’re leaving, come on.” You looked at Will who seemed to be the most aware among the boys at the moment. “You guys need a ride?”

He shook his head.

“You take care, okay?”

Will nodded.

The walk to your car between you and the girls was quiet. Though Max decided to break the silence when you pulled out of the mall compound. “What happened?” she asked.

You simply shrugged, ignoring the burning in your ribs from the simple motion. “Boys are dumb.” Then the car ride was silent again.

Later that evening, you laid in your bathtub in cold water, finally relaxing when you can breathe easily again. The summer heat fatigue really got you today, you thought. Suddenly remembering what you saw in the fitting room, you looked at your ribs again and was relieved when all you saw was nothing but your usual skin.

You were pulled back to your thoughts and remembered the beautiful sundress that was now laid discarded on the bathroom floor. You groaned at the memory of what just occurred this afternoon. You sighed and slid down to submerge the rest of yourself in the almost freezing water, leaving all your worries for the few seconds you had underwater.

Don’t be afraid. It’ll be over soon. Just stay… very… still.

You were scared. You couldn’t open your eyes, and the water suddenly felt too thick. The searing pain that was becoming too familiar in your lungs felt like it was begin to crawl out of your chest and into your throat.

But it was all gone in a split second.

Panicked and scared out of your wits, you immediately crawled your way out of the bathtub, not caring if you were curled up naked on the bathroom floor. You reached for the first thing you could grab to cover yourself, until you realised that it was still the same damn sundress. Suddenly, all the air just left your body, and you were starting to wonder if it was still an asthma attack.

You hoisted yourself up on the sink, both coughing and wheezing, trying to do everything you can to get yourself some oxygen.

“Sweetie? What’s going on?” the familiar voice of your mom came muffled from the other side of the door. When you replied with nothing but aggressive and painful coughs, the knocking became incessant, and her calls turned to worried cries. “Open the door!”

The same sensation of something crawling out of your throat came back. This time, you were more aware than your paralyzed state a few minutes ago. You stuck your fingers in your throat, feeling for any obstruction.

And you did.

With one forced cough, you were able to pinch out something smooth but foreign. You yanked it out, clenched it in your fist, and spat whatever fluid it brought out. You were initially worried that it was blood, but as you looked at the white ceramic of the bathroom sink, it was black.

When the bathroom door burst open, you quickly opened the faucet, flushing down whatever it was. Your mom rushed over to you and covered your hunched figure with a bath towel before pulling open the medicine cabinet behind the mirror to fish out your emergency inhaler.

“Come on, sweetie,” she carefully urged the inhaler in my mouth, pressing down to dispense a dose, but you could barely bury it down. “Let’s go to your room. You’re freezing.” She led me step by step to my bed and laid me under the covers, but the warm blankets only made me feel worse. “Your dad is coming with the nebulizer. Don’t worry. Just careful breaths.”

You didn’t remember how long it took for you to fall asleep that night, but you woke up the next day to your mom entering your room, already dressed in her office attire. She must’ve seen the panic on your face when you realised that it was way past your alarm.

“I called you in sick at the community pool,” your mom said. “Your dad will be picking you up after work to bring you to the hospital. In the meantime, just rest, okay?” She pressed a kiss on your forehead before she left the room, and you were alone again.

Then you felt the soft thing that you had in your fist the entire night. You raised your hand and held the foreign object over your head.

A black petal.

Panic bubbled up at the base of your spine, and you wasted no time in getting out of bed and getting dressed. You needed to tell Chief Hopper or Mrs. Byers. Or even just any one in Mike’s party.

And Steve.

Suddenly, it hit you. Dustin would still be around Steve decoding whatever Russian code they were on. The kid can easily call a code red for your situation. You grabbed your keys with the intent of going to Starcourt.

Just as you locked the front door, Max and El came rushing in their bikes, looking as alarmed as you are. They rushed to you, especially El who gave you a pleading look.

“It’s Billy.”

~

“As much as I appreciate you calling a grown up to investigate, this seems highly unnecessary.”

You were clearly uncomfortable as you turned the corner to Cherry Lane. You already gave them an earful when they admitted that they were spying on random people during their sleepover last night. Personally, you didn’t think that Heather would suddenly go for Billy when she just went on a date with someone else the other week, but maybe Billy was just that convincing.

“But the screams,” El reasoned.

“When Billy is alone with a girl, they make, like, really crazy noises,” Max argued, making you laugh at her words. Case in point.

“That’s surprising,” you noted. “I assumed that because he’s such an asshole he doesn’t…” you trailed off when you caught El’s clueless look from your rear-view mirror. “Never mind.”

“They scream?” El voiced out her confusion.

“Yeah, but, like… happy screams.” Then Max turned to you. “Oh, just that house right there.”

Your laughter came out in breathless snorts at this point. You pulled the car in park around the curb. “Okay, that’s enough,” you interrupted. “You don’t need to know about that yet, El.” You watched the house and hummed in thought. “His car’s not there. This’ll be easy.”

The three of you went inside the house and headed to his room. You knew that their family was very far from a loving one, but you tried to wrack your head for a reason as to why Billy’s bedroom door had a hinge lock from the outside. You barely had any thoughts about that little detail before Max pushed the door open.

“Why do I get the feeling we’re gonna find all sorts of wrong here?” Max said.

“Well, his tastes in music aren’t half bad,” you commented, flicking through his stack of cassette tapes by his stereo. You pulled open his bedside drawer and laughed at its contents. “Jackpot.”

Max rushed over to peek, only to see his collection of ‘printed ladies.’ “Ugh!” she exclaimed. “Gag me with a spoon.”

Then we heard El calling us from the bathroom.

We followed her to see empty ice packets around his tub. The unsettling feeling crept in again as you remember that you were also trying to keep yourself cold last night. But you weren’t the only one who was unsettled.

El, who was breathing heavily, stared off into the corner, and when Max and you followed her line of sight, there it was. Blood. You carefully opened the trash bin and pulled out a utility bag from Hawkins’ Community Pool.

“Let’s go.” You didn’t waste any time leaving the house and getting into the car.

Despite the darkening skies and thunder rumbling, you got there in record time. You ran to see a co-worker of your closing the pool area. Protocol. But he definitely wasn’t pleased to see you.

“Didn’t you call in sick?” he said, sounding annoyed. “You’re the second person to bail today.”

“Heather didn’t come in?” Max asked.

“Obviously. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be doing thi— Hey!”

The three of us ran back to the car to figure out what to do next.

“We can go back to my place,” you suggested. “Wait out until Heather comes home next door.” Then you remembered. “Shit,” you cursed, turning on your car before the girls agreed. “My dad is supposed to pick me up for a doctor’s appointment.”

Luckily, your dad wasn’t home yet when you got back. Probably due to the storm. However, the girls already had their own plans in mind when they walked over next door to the Holloway’s.

“Shit, shit, shit,” you hissed, jogging over to them. “Don’t go running off without me.” You looked at the now open front door. “Did you just unlock the door? This is trespassing!”

“She’s inside,” El whispered. She and Max entered the house, and you had no choice but to follow.

The three of you carefully treaded towards the voices in the dining room. There you found Billy with Mr. and Mrs. Holloway chatting away. The sight of your three by the hallway halted their conversation.

“Um, hey, Janet, Tom,” you greeted. “We tried to knock, but you probably didn’t hear us over the storm.”

“What on earth are you doing here?” Billy cut in, his eyes trained on Max and El.

“Where is she, Billy?” you asked firmly, staring straight into his eyes.

“Where is who?” Billy smiled innocently, but it didn’t give you any ease.

“Well, they’re a little burnt! I’m sorry.” Heather walked in from the kitchen, carrying a tray of cookies. “Oh, hey, girl! Is your shift over?”

“Heather!” Billy called. “This is my sister, Maxine.” He gestured to Max before his eyes landed on El. “I’m sorry. I did not quite catch your name.”

“El.” Eleven responded with her eyes pointedly trained on Billy.

“El,” Billy echoed, his polite smile turning into something menacing.

It definitely unnerved the three of us. Your hands held onto their shoulders and pulled them behind your back, leaving you to face Billy. “You guys weren’t at work, so we got worried,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady.

“Heather wasn't feeling so hot today, so we thought we'd take the day off to nurse her back to health.” Billy turned to Heather. “But you’re feeling just fine right now. Aren’t you, Heather?”

“I’m feeling so much better,” Heather smiled, but there was something about it that didn’t seem right to you.

Max and El tugged at your hand. You looked at them to see them silently pleading at you with their eyes. You gave a brief shake of your head before turning back to Billy. “I’m sorry to disturb you,” you said carefully. “I’ll take the girls home.”

“Thank you for looking out for my sister and her… friend.”

You made sure that the girls walked ahead of you, and right before you passed the front door, Billy pulled you to him. You barely could get a noise out as he pressed his hand over your ribs.

“You’re one of us,” Billy whispered before he shoved you out and shut the door.

It all happened in a split second that the girls didn’t even notice the exchange. The fear stabbed you deep in the gut that you basically dragged them back to your house, forcing them not to look back. Only when you got inside your house that the tension released from your body but only just.

“I’m taking you guys home, and tomorrow, we’re meeting up with the party, okay?”

“You’re not going anywhere, young lady.”

You winced and found your dad staring you down with his arms crossed.

Damn it.

~

“As soon as we’re done here, you’re grounded for a week.”

You groaned and held back the urge to roll your eyes. You were in the hospital waiting area for your family physician, but because there were a handful of minor accidents because of the storm, the wait was a bit long, especially when you were not priority. It was fine during the first ten minutes, but after half an hour, you were starting to get cranky.

“I’m going to the restroom.”

Your dad made a move to get up, but you stopped him. “There’s literally a storm out there, and you drove me here,” you pointed out. “Where else can I go?”

Your dad just scoffed but leaned back in his seat, waving you off. “Bring me back a coffee then,” he said.

You walked down the hallway but turned to the payphones instead of the restrooms. You dialled in the number you were so familiar with and hoped that he’d be home by this time.

“Hello?” Steve’s voice rang through the speaker, sending relief through your body.

“Pick me up at the hospital,” you said.

“Wait, what?”

“Oh, and do it in half an hour.”

“There’s literally a storm outsi—”

“I’m also staying at your place tonight.”

“Hey! What is going—”

“Thanks, Harrington.”

Steve arrived at the hospital in twenty, still dressed in his sailor uniform. With your dad still busy with his coffee and a random medical pamphlet, you cocked your head to the side and sent Steve a signal where to wait while you made your escape. For the second time, you got up to your feet.

“I think I want a coffee actually,” you said. “Be right back, daddy.”

Your dad hummed, not even lifting his eyes from the pamphlet.

For a split second, your heart seized at the sight of your clueless father. You wanted to tell him and mom about the monsters and how they were this close to taking you, but they were better off not knowing. It wasn’t worth risking their lives when it could be just you.

With a heavy heart, you kissed the top of his head and walked down the hallway, heading for the exit and into Steve Harrington’s getaway car.

“Okay, but what the hell is going on?” Steve asked, pulling the car in drive.

You didn’t answer and just hugged your knees to your chest while crying silently. You’re one of us. You squeezed your eyes shut and tried to level your breathing, which now felt like such a laborious task. Now that you knew the truth, it was almost like you could feel it all inside you. Taking every piece of you.

You were quickly pulled out of your thoughts by a warm hand clasping yours. You raised your head and looked at Steve, who kept his eyes on the road, but continued to squeeze your hand. You managed to stop crying and thread your fingers through his and bask in his warmth.

You knew it was just temporary. You knew who he really liked. And as if the universe was aware of your feelings, they decided to cut the moment short by sending your chest squeezing and blocking your airways again. You dropped Steve’s hand and clutched at your chest as you exploded into another coughing fit.

Steve panicked and quickly glanced between you and the road. “What’s happening?” he asked frantically. “Should I take you back to the hospital?”

You violently shook your head. “N-no,” you managed to wheeze out. “Dr-drive.”

“Where’s your inhaler?” Steve asked to which you left unanswered.

Finally, you managed to cough out a chunk of something, freeing your airways. You quickly shoved it in your pockets without checking before Steve noticed it. You exhaled in relief and leaned back in his seat.

“It didn’t use to be that bad,” Steve pointed out.

“Yeah.”

“Was that why you were at the hospital?”

“Mm.”

“We should go back.”

“Doesn’t matter. We’re near your place anyway.”

By the time you got to Steve’s house, he rushed to his parents’ room to find you something to wear from his mom’s closet. “Go take a shower and warm up!” he called out from the second floor.

You dragged your feet into the downstairs bathroom and rinsed your mouth. As you spat out the water, swirls of blood and black goo circled around before disappearing down the drain. You pulled out the clump that you hid in your pocket and teared up at the sight of a fully formed flower.

It was cruel that something as hauntingly beautiful as this was killing you from the inside.

When you flipped the flower over, you noticed thin tendrils from where the stem should be. You were horrified that the tendrils were actually moving like tiny tentacles. It reminded you of that day when you were in the tunnels under the pumpkin farm.

Without any more thought, you dropped the flower in the sink. Remembering that they were susceptible to heat, you immediately turned on the faucet to its hottest setting. As the water hit the flower, your lungs were suddenly set on fire.

Out of instinct, you turned the faucet off, relieved that the flower immediately dried out and broke off into ashy flakes. The burning stopped as well but still lingered under your skin. Almost tripping over your own feet, you staggered over to the shower, stripping yourself of your drenched clothes and turning on the water to its coldest setting, and only then did you find relief.

You’re one of us.

It took over almost half an hour to compose yourself and figure out what to do from here on out. You put one of the fluffy robes in the bathroom and headed out to the living room where Steve was already lounging on one of the sofas, shirtless but with a towel hanging over his neck. He only seemed to notice your presence when the sofa dipped beside him under your weight.

“You okay?” Steve asked when you rested your head on his shoulder, not minding that his hair was still dripping wet. “Jesus, you’re freezing.” He moved to grab the throw blanket and pulled it over both of you then rubbed his hands on your arms to warm you up.

Meanwhile, you wrapped your hands around his waist and just closed your eyes at the sound of his heartbeat. You were mad that his was steady when you couldn’t even control the fast drumming of your own heart whenever you were near him. Still, you held Steve as if you were afraid to let go, as if he was your only reminder that you were still you. But why did it hurt, even physically, so much to hold on?

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Steve whispered, stroking the back of your head. “I don’t think we held each other like this since middle school,” he chuckled to himself at the memory. “When Vicki Carmichael took stole your partner for the Snow Ball and kissed him in front of everyone? You slept over and cried in my bed, telling me you hated her for it and me for going with Tammy Thompson.”

You wracked your head trying to remember what Steve was talking about. Maybe because it was a long day, but you couldn’t remember him holding you like this in middle school. Still, it must have been a beautiful memory if even Steve remembered it.

Sometimes it felt like you were the only one holding on so tightly in this relationship with him.

“Don’t you remember?”

You just hummed and snuggled closer to Steve.

“Okay, how about when Lewenski and I got into a fight because his girlfriend tripped you up and you skinned your knee pretty bad?”

This one, you remembered. “Your dad grounded you for a month, and you got benched for two games,” you chuckled softly.

“And you still cheered for me in the sidelines,” Steve said, sounding relieved that you were finally talking. After while a long pause, he said, “What happened? You used to tell me everything.” He continued, “I know I joke about it a lot, but I was really worried when you didn’t sign up with me at the mall. And you being sick all the time now?”

“Steve, just drop it,” you said, almost in a plea. “We’re okay. You never have to worry about me.”

Steve scoffed playfully. “That’s never going to happen,” he argued. “I’m always gonna worry about you. You don’t even notice how much trouble you get yourself into without realising.”

You tried not to think about it, but for the rest of that night in Steve’s arms, you almost felt like the vines were moving inside you, growing and taking up what was left of you that you haven’t already given to Steve.

~

“So, basically you’re a fugitive now?”

You chuckled and tiredly patted Dustin’s back. “Man, I missed you, kid,” you said. “And to answer your question, technically yes. I’m facing a lifetime of being grounded if I’m caught.”

“Let me get this straight,” Dustin began, his eyes trained on your plain black shirt that obviously belonged to Steve, “Steve snuck you out of the hospital, and you stayed in his house the entire night?” He leaned close to you. “And nothing happened?”

“Jesus, Dustin,” you wrinkled your nose at him. “People serve food here.” You gestured at the small cup of ice cream you were eating as breakfast slash brunch. Though you were wallowing your sorrows in cold, cold sweets, it did make you feel like a kid again.

“Steve is so stupid sometimes it amazes me,” Dustin thought out loud.

“I’m surprised you caught on. Seems like everyone in the world knows except him.”

“That’s because I’m me,” Dustin grinned proudly. “I bet the rest of the party doesn’t even know.”

“Who doesn’t know?” Steve entered the backroom with Robin in tow.

“Probably that you’re a dingus,” Robin snickered. Then her eyes trailed over to you. “So, we have another addition to the team,” she pointed out. “Who’s bringing her up to speed?”

“Dustin,” Steve said the same time that Dustin also said, “Me.”

Of course, it was Dustin.

While Dustin explained to you that the Russian military was most likely running a secret base right in the Starcourt Mall, you worried about El and Max, especially with not-Billy on the loose. Though they probably were already with the rest of the party right now and alerted Chief Hopper and Mrs. Byers. There was absolutely nothing to worry about.

Right?

“Got it?” Dustin finally said before narrowing his eyes at me. “Were you just zoning out the entire time?”

You snorted. “What do you take me for?”

“Fine, what did I just say?”

“Okay, I probably zoned out halfway through,” you admitted. “But your problem is pretty simple.”

Steve, Dustin, and Robin waited for you to continue.

“You just need the blueprints for the mall.”

“Why haven’t you called her the moment we were cracking the code?” Robin said, rushing outside and grabbing the tip jar. Ignoring Steve’s calls for her, she was off leaving us three at Scoops Ahoy.

~

“Touch my butt! I don’t care!”

“Can we keep it PG in here?” you frowned at the ridiculous show Steve and Dustin were putting by trying to get into the air ducts. “Just pull the boy down before someone gets hurt.”

“He can’t get hurt. He’s missing bones like Gumbo.”

“Like what?” you tilted your head.

“He means Gumby,” Dustin corrected, grabbing hold of Steve’s shoulders as he got hoisted out of the vent, “and that’s not how cleidocranial dysplasia works, Steve. I’m missing collarbones, not nerves.”

“Whatever,” Steve said. “We just need some else who could fit in there.”

Just as Steve said those words, Robin burst in the backroom, looking like she had an epiphany for the second time today. You were beginning to think she was the reason how Steve and Dustin had gotten this far. Behind her stood Lucas’ younger sister, Erica. Ah, the epiphany.

It only took the rest of the day of convincing her. The kid knew how to play hard ball. You’d give her that. She wouldn’t take anything less than ice cream for life. Frankly, you’d do the same.

You waited until the mall closed, though Robin and Steve cleared up Scoops Ahoy a few minutes early. So far, your parents were a no show, though you assumed that they didn’t think you would be hiding in the backroom of a very crowded mall. Frankly, they probably wouldn’t even believe you that you were infected with a monster from an alternate dimension and would rather help your friends with a Russian invasion than go to the hospital.

“Free ice cream for life,” Erica smirked smugly as soon as the thick sliding doors – actually odd for a simple storage room – slid open for us.

It didn’t take much snooping to find vats of glowing neon green vats of unknown substances hidden in regular delivery boxes. Without much thought, you grabbed one and made your way to the door. “Let’s just go before someone catches us.”

Again, the universe… just hated us.

“Uhh, which one do I press, Erica?” Dustin asked, insistently pressing the “OPEN” button.

Panic began to rise among all of us as mechanical whirring buzzed between the walls. Between that and the fact that we were trapped, we definitely knew we were screwed. While all of them fussed over the buttons that were no longer working, you stepped back, feeling something prickle under your skin.

“Just open the door!” Robin cried out, echoing into someone… something different.

Open the door.

Open the door!

Open the goddamn door!

Suddenly, you were on fire. You barely noticed your screams rising over everyone else’s. You fell to the floor, convulsing in agony as flashes of different people appeared in your head as if you were them. An old lady in a hospital bed, Heather, her parents, so many people who barely even knew in Hawkins… then Billy.

It was quiet with him. You saw flashes of a beautiful blonde woman calling out to him, her face concealed in a sunhat, then the beach with sand in between your toes. There was a moment of peace and tranquillity, and like someone playing a sick joke, you were in a dark place, standing in Billy’s place in front of people who were lifelessly standing still right in front of something. Something that you didn’t recognize but was so familiar to you, inside you.

He made me do it. It’s like a shadow, like a giant shadow. Please believe me, Max.

“Billy, it’s gonna be okay,” Max’s voice echoed in his head as if it were yours.

“It’s gonna be okay,” a different voice filtered through from all the noise.

“She’s unconscious. How is her inhaler going to help?” “I’m pretty sure that’s a seizure, nerd.” “Check for a pulse, Steve.”

Your consciousness fell right back on you like a pile of bricks. Your eyes fluttered open to see Steve hovering over you with your inhaler tucked between your lips. Once your eyes locked with his caramel ones, a huge wave of relief washed over his face as he pulled you into his arms.

“Oh, my God,” Steve gasped, clutching on to you for dear life. “Don’t scare me like that.”

“Get… out.”

Steve tensed and pulled away to look at you. “What?”

You weakly pulled up your – actually Steve’s shirt up to your ribs, revealing angry black veins that were now crawling over your torso. You cried out and clutched at you. “Get it out!”

“Holy sh– what the hell is that?!”

You rolled to the side and fell into a coughing fit, your back hunched over. Your nails clawed at your throat, feeling something trying to crawl itself out. Whatever happened somewhere in Hawkins pissed off the plants inside you, and you can feel them twisting and curling throughout your torso.

With much straining and the remaining oxygen in your lungs, you managed to pull out the parasite from your oesophagus. The action made Dustin and Robin gag in the corner, while Steve and Erica warily looked at the slithering vine with a fully bloomed flower you dropped on the floor, leaving a trail of blood and black goo.

“You guys, by any chance, have a lighter?” you panted, pressing your cheek against the cold metal floor for any cool relief you can take.

Silence told you no. You hoisted yourself up with much difficulty and leaned back into the crate then immediately had an idea. Albeit, a bad one. With shaky knees, you got on your feet and lifted the vat of green goo that rolled away when you dropped unconscious. You looked for the right twist to open the container when Dustin stopped you.

“What are you doing?”

“We have to kill it,” you said nonchalantly. “I mean, I could just drink this to get it over with, but I don’t want to die that quick.”

“Are you…?” Then Dustin’s eyes widened. “That day. You were… because you saved me.”

“Wait, wait, are any of you nerds explaining what’s going on?” Erica interrupted.

You sighed. “Monster,” you pointed at the vine. “Infected,” you pointed at yourself. “Must kill monster with something. Preferably fire.”

“You killed one of those before?” Robin asked.

“It was smaller last night,” you shrugged, finding the latch to open up the vat. “Hot water took care of that sucker easily.” Twisting the lid a certain way, it clicked and released. “Aha!” you exclaimed. “This is gonna hurt.” You eyed the goo apprehensively.

Then Steve snatched the lid and sealed back the vat. “There has got to be a way to do this without you in pain,” he said.

“We don’t have time, and we’re stuck here in a metal box with a monster crawling towards Erica’s sneaker!”

“Why are you yelling?!”

“I’m not yelling!” you shouted. Then you turned to Dustin with a much softer voice. “How did Will get rid of his the last time?”

“Space heaters, a lot of them,” Dustin answered. “Anything from the Upside Down hates the heat, including D’Art.”

“Well, we’re not waiting until you cough all the flowers out, so I say we dump you into a hot tub and crank the heat to full,” Steve suggested, keeping the vat out of reach. “Once we get out of here, of course.”

“Boiling her alive,” Dustin scoffed. “That’s genius, Steve.”

“Or,” Robin interrupted, “we just use the same space heaters. It worked before, so it might work again now.”

“Thank you,” you said, pointedly looking at Steve. “At least someone is trying not to kill m—” Suddenly, your lungs were set aflame as you dropped into a heap on the cold floor, convulsing in agony with your mouth open in an open scream. You briefly heard Erica speaking before ultimately passing out.

“What? You only kept one of that green acid away from us. At least the monster’s dead.”

After passing out for the second time that night, you seemed to be sleeping much longer, but when you woke up, it wasn’t much of a surprise to hear Dustin and Steve still bickering. You opened your eyes to see Steve’s legs hanging from the ceiling. Again, not a surprise.

Probably nothing else would surprise you at this point.

“Shh! Jesus Christ!” Steve hissed before disappearing entirely to the top of the elevator.

Now that spiked your curiosity.

Robin was preoccupied with Erica, and both of them didn’t even notice that you were awake. You sat up and climbed on the stacked boxes leading up to the opening on the elevator ceiling. The burning in your ribs and your shortness of your breath was easier to ignore now that you were too lightheaded to actually feel the discomfort. Still, you managed to poke your head out the opening, accidentally ending up eavesdropping.

“I heard you guys talking all night,” Dustin whispered to Steve before his eyes landed on you. He winced and shot you an apologetic look.

Steve turned and saw you by his feet, making him jump in surprise. “What are you doing up?!” he scolded. “You scared all of us last night. I thought Erica killed you.”

“Gee, your welcome!” Erica called out from inside.

“’Last night’? It’s morning?”

Dustin smiled emptily. “Yeah,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ve been trying to reach anyone on the radio since the mall is open. I think we’re too far down though.”

“Okay, take Dustin down with you please,” Steve said, facing the wall. “I’m gonna take a leak.”

“First of all, ew. Second, good morning,” you said, hopping back down with Dustin right behind you.

“This is one looong sleepover,” Steve called out before the sound of a stream hitting the ceiling echoed inside the elevator. “Two nights of being your personal pillow!”

“Two nights?” you muttered to yourself. “Was I with Steve the other night?” you turned to ask Dustin, who gave you a weird look.

“You stayed over his place, and he drove you to the mall, remember?”

“He did?”

“Hey!” Robin called out. “We have company.”

One fight with a Russian later, which Steve won – finally – you and the rest of the group snuck into the comms room of the secret Russian base and found out why your lungs had been reacting different once you walked further down that tunnel.

“The gate.”

You, Steve, and Dustin looked at each other in horror before turning back to the machine that was trying to pry open the gate that El had shut down last year. It was your first time seeing it, but the same dark familiarity was tugging from the deepest part of your mind. There was no reason to dwell on it, so you tugged Dustin and Steve, urging them to leave and quickly warn the others as soon as possible.

Unfortunately, leaving was harder than getting in. Guards were alerted, and all of us were sent into running. It ultimately sent us to the direction of the gate itself with Dustin almost running into the laser machine that was opening the gate if it wasn’t for you tugging the back of his shirt collar.

You didn’t like being that close to the gate. Between the soldiers yelling and Steve barking which way to run, a louder voice was whispering crystal clear voices inside your head. You surrendered to the voices for one second to try and understand what they were saying, which proved to be your mistake.

In that one second, you were teleported to an incredibly vivid memory of meeting Steve for the first time.

“Sweetie, say hi to Mrs. Harrington and Steve.”

Your hand curled into a fist on the hem of your mother’s dress. It wasn’t the first time you saw Steve Harrington. Your classmate pointed who Steve was when he passed you at the hallways of Hawkins’ Elementary. She boasted that her older sister was Steve’s “girl friend” after he kissed her during recess yesterday.

You didn’t know what any of that meant, but when you glanced at Steve Harrington, you thought he was the prettiest boy you ever seen. Steve Harrington was exactly what you imagined the princes looked like that your mother read to you at bedtime.

And now, you were at their front door because your mom worked with his mom, and Mrs. Harrington thought it would be nice to have her and you over for tea.

And Steve was still the prettiest boy you ever seen.

You were catatonic while staring up into the gate opening.

While the rest of the guards were chasing after Steve and the others, the scientists urged that the guards don’t touch you, seeing that your pupils had turned entirely black. Your exposed neck revealed raised veins that they could tell were black even under the dim, unsteady lighting in the lab.

Your blank state was finally broken when the Russians took you in a secluded room, further away from the gate. Your mind was wildly fuzzy as if you were in the middle of sinking badly in your own subconscious. You inner daze didn’t last long when the door opened again, and Steve and Robin were dragged in and also cuffed like you were.

“What happened to you there?” Steve said in a low tone. “You just froze.”

The soldier didn’t like the chit-chat and struck Steve across the face. The sound was loud enough to echo in the room that you winced upon impact. “No talking!” he spat in a thick accent. “Now, who do you work for?”

“I’m confused,” Steve said, trying to sound unphased from the hit. “Do I not talk or do I tell you who I work for?”

That earned him another hit.

~

“We have many stories of monsters from where I’m from.”

“So do we,” you groaned at the man pacing the room. “You’re not that special, dude.”

Robin and Steve were taken away over half an hour ago, mostly likely for their own interrogation. So far, on your end, this soldier has done nothing but talk your ear off about stories from where he grew up while you were strapped in an examination chair.

“I suppose you know about flowers that grow on lungs?” The surprised look on your face told him everything he needed to know. “No one knows where they come from,” he said, “… until now.” He leaned in close to you. “You are very important test subject.”

“Not for long,” you said spitefully. “I’m dying anyway.”

“Well, I suppose you will be buried in Russian soil by then,” he said, sending chills in your spine. “But now, I need to see the flowers itself.”

Your breathing quickened at the thought being sliced open.

But…

They wanted you alive enough to bring you to Russia. That meant…

“Steve!” Your eyes widened at the sight of him as they dragged him inside the room and dropped him in a heap on the floor. Your heart clenched at the blood streaked all over his mouth and his eye swollen shut. “What did you do to him?”

The soldier and the rest of the guards merely looked at you struggling from where you were restrained while Steve remained unresponsive on the floor. The soldier looked displeased at the results before him and barked out another order. Soon enough, Robin was also dragged inside the room, and similar to you, she was as distraught at the sight of him beaten up.

Then… they just left the three of you in the room alone.

“What do they want?” Robin asked. “We told them everything, and you’re the only one not strapped with us.”

You gulped. “They, uh, they know what’s wrong with me.”

That gained Steve’s attention. With much difficultly, he raised his head and slurred out, “They’re not taking you, and we’re getting out of here.”

“Right,” you snorted. “Unless you have a way of getting to those scissors and cutting yourselves free, I’m on the next flight to Russia by the end of the day.”

“Those morons. They left scissors here?” Steve scoffed.

“I think that if we move at the same time, we could get over there, and then maybe I could kick the table and knock them into your lap,” Robin said, her voice rising with desperation. “So, on the count of three, we’re gonna hop.”

You smiled as hope bubbled when they succeeded the first two swivels. But on the third, the chair legs slid, knocking them both on the floor. Robin, who had her back to you, began shaking. At first, you and Steve thought she was crying, until her quiet giggles turned into full-on laughter.

“I’m sorry,” Robin laughed, trying to contain herself, “but I just can’t believe I’m gonna die in a secret Russian base with Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington, while his girlfriend gets shipped off to another secret lab in Russia.”

“We’re not gonna die,” Steve huffed, “and she’s not my girlfriend, okay?”

“Gee, we’re tied up and have no hopes of escaping, and you choose to correct that?” you snarked at him.

There was a moment of quietness, mostly just to collect our wits, but Robin was the one to speak up again. She talked about Mrs. Click, our history teacher. Turns out she had been in the same class as Steve for the longest time, remembering every detail about him.

Just like you.

“Do you even remember me from that class?” Robin said, her voice lowering into a whisper. “It didn’t matter that you were an ass.”

And her next words just crushed you.

“I was still… obsessed with you.”

There was nothing else to do but watch as Steve’s eyes — well, eye — softened. In that moment, you felt like you were in someone else’s moment, just an audience. But wasn’t that what you always have been in Steve’s life?

“You know, I wish I’d known you in Click’s class,” Steve said, a fond smile growing on his lips. “Maybe instead of being here, I’d be on my way to college right now.”

Last semester, you wrote two of his history papers just so his grades would be high enough for him to play during the basketball playoffs.

“And I would have no idea that there were evil Russians beneath our feet,” Robin chuckled, “and I would be happily slinging ice cream with some other schmuck.”

“Gotta say, though, I liked being your schmuck.”

And there it was…

The burning in your lungs intensified, sending you in a painful fit of coughs. It was hard enough not to curl over because of the restraints on your chest. There was no way to claw at your throat or to grasp at your chest from the twisting pain.

You were too engrossed in trying not to choke from blood and black goo that you didn’t notice the door open. A different scientist came in, this time more sinister-looking, and leaned over you. “I knew it,” he smiled. “He feeds the flowers inside you.”

“W-wha…?” you managed to gasp out. “P-please… can’t… br-brea-eathe… In.... inhal-er.”

In the midst of the black spots tinting your vision, you barely made out a jet injector and something bright blue before you heard Steve yell out and everything went dark.

“… up. Wake up!”

You opened your eyes to see Dustin’s face. “Am I dreaming?”

“Come on! We have to go!”

You were so groggy that you followed Erica and Dustin to a hijacked mini-truck with Steve and Robin giggling along. Both their antics only heightened when we finally ascended back up to the mall. Steve couldn’t stop booping Dustin, while Robin was saying stuff about food and death.

“Did they give you something too?” Erica asked me.

“They probably took something instead,” you rasped out, feeling your throat. “They baited one out and pulled it out while I was trying not to choke to death.”

“Where is it now?” Dustin turned to me, smacking away Steve’s finger from booping his nose again.

“How the hell should I know? I was tied up!” you scowled at him.

“We just saved your asses!” Erica and Dustin chimed back at your tone.

The bickering didn’t end until you were all forced to be quiet as you hid in a cinema that was showing ‘Back to the Future.’ Once upon a time, it seemed to be a fun movie to watch with the kids, maybe even with El, but now, you could barely keep your knees from fidgeting as your eyes constantly watched between Michael J. Fox and the cinema doors for any evil Russians.

It wasn’t long when your lungs began burning again. You didn’t feel the need to cough this time, but it didn’t stop for a metallic taste bursting in your mouth. You grabbed an empty popcorn bag nearby and spat into the paper. Even under the dark theatre, you could see that it was mostly blood now.

You were out of time.

~

“Jesus, you look far worse than El.”

You shot Max a very unfriendly look. “The girl who just pulled a monster out of her leg using your mind powers?” You glanced at El who was cuddled up with Chief Hopper while Mrs. Byers attended to the open wound on her leg.

“Well, both you are bleeding out of your noses, and you are also growing monsters inside you.”

“ERICA!” you screeched while furiously wiping your nose.

“Just the facts!”

“What?!” Everyone else in the party, including the adults, chorused.

“You’re dying,” Will said as if he could still tell. He gave you a look of empathy and a little bit of familiarity. You knew he went through a similar thing last year, and it somehow made you less scared that he was here with you.

You nodded solemnly. “I don’t have much time,” you admitted. “It grows faster the closer I am to the gate… or when I feed it.”

“’Feed it’?” Max asked.

“We don’t have to talk about that,” you waved her off. At this point, you were just desperate to stay alive. All of you were so, so close. “If we close the gate, we can cut off all connections, right?”

“Theoretically,” Lucas added.

Since there was no other option but that, we all based our plan on that ‘theory.’ A man named Murray, who also got into a tiff with Erica, came in with a map of the underground Russian base from a guy named Alexei. With the goals in place, everyone began splitting off into groups.

“You’re coming with us, right?” Steve asked.

You bit your lip as you shook your head. “I’m staying with the girls,” you said. “You go with Dustin and Robin to Cerebro.” At the sight of his worried look, you added, “I’ll be okay.”

Steve shot you a scowl. “Don’t die without me.”

“Hard promise to keep,” you smirked, smacking his hand away from ruffling your already messy hair. Your fingers tangled with Steve’s, and he ended up holding your hand completely. “Don’t die first, Steven.”

Steve chuckled and was about to pull away when you tugged his hand back.

“Hey, Steve.”

“Yeah?”

“I know you and Robin…”

When you trailed off, Steve raised his brows at you, urging you to continue.

You shook your head, waving it off. “You guys just got drugged,” you reminded him. “Drive safely.”

“You say that as if I don’t have any experience from partying.”

“That isn’t comforting at the very least.” Then... you let go.

~

Turns out that it wasn’t just the gate that was triggering the growth.

When the Spider Monster burst through the glass ceiling for Starcourt Mall, the flowers in your lungs reacted the same way when Billy had grabbed you at the Holloway’s. It was one thing to lead the monster away from El, but it was another thing to be hunched in the trunk space of the Wheeler’s hatchback with said monster chasing you down the road.

“The answer to a never-ending story…”

You laughed at the song number from the radio in between coughs. “That definitely takes the sting out of dying,” you said. You can only imagine Erica’s face during this whole ordeal.

“Don’t say that.”

You looked at Steve in deadpan. You kept eye contact as you spat blood and body matter into an empty soda cup you found discarded in the car. It was a low-blow towards him, you knew that, and he didn’t deserve it.

But you were so tired, and you were so mad at yourself for always being late, for being cowardly.

So, when Jonathan turned the car to follow the Spider Monster that turned back to the mall, you immediately hopped off and went looking for El instead of going with them to set off the fireworks. Steve, as expected, put up a fight, insisting that you all stick together.

“I won’t go near it,” you reasoned. “I’m finding El and getting her out of here, while you keep it distracted.” When he looked unconvinced, you added, “The fireworks will also distract Billy. It’s going to be okay.”

“That isn’t comforting at the very least,” Steve said, making you laugh at your early words being thrown back at you.

“Hey!”

You turned to see Nancy Wheeler toss a bundle of fireworks at you. At your raised brow, she shrugged, “Just in case.”

Following a broken gate not too far from where Steve rammed Billy’s car, you found an employee’s corridor where Max and Mike passed out nearby with angry bruises on their faces. You rushed over for Max and shook her awake. Her eyes immediately shot open.

“Billy, it was Billy,” Max said, panicked. “He took El. You have to go. I’ll take care of Mike. Go!” She staggered to her feet, gripping the pipes for stability.

“I can’t go near him or that thing.” You hesitated leaving Max, but when she yelled at you again to go for El, you turned your feet and broke off into a run. Then the fireworks began…

“Fuck!” you screamed, falling to your knees. Every corner of your body was set ablaze. You cried out as the flowers inside you constricted with every blast.

Max and Mike quickly caught up to you, pulling you to your feet. Suddenly, it was quiet, and a wave of calm washed over you. You saw a beautiful woman in a sundress and a hat by the beach. It wasn’t your memory, but it was being returned to someone after being taken away. Billy.

“She was pretty,” you could hear El cry in your head. “She was really pretty.”

Taking advantage of the situation, you sped through the corridor and into the mall. You found Billy beginning to stand up to the Spider Monster. “When I make a run for it, you grab El and get her out of here, okay?”

“What? You just said you can’t face that thing!” Mike told you.

“Just do it!” You pushed your feet as fast as you could to face the monster.

“No!” Billy roared, grabbing the monster’s tentacle mouth to stop it from reaching El.

Seeing your opportunity, you quickly pulled the taped matchstick from the bundle and ignited the fireworks. Swinging your arm back, you flung it as hard as you could into the monster’s mouth. Right as soon as the explosive left your hand, you caught incoming smaller tentacles headed for Billy’s side, slinging two of them to your side from the crook of your elbow.

“I got you,” you said out of breath, seeing Billy’s surprised face. However, your fight had the monster targeting you, sending two other tendrils to your side instead. You barely felt it, even as its sharp tongue stabbed into your abdomen.

Touching the Spider Monster was as worse as looking straight into the Gate. You cried out as flashes of memories of you and Steve, growing up through the years, bombarded you, while the flowers inside you began crawling outside your ribs instead. You barely heard the last firework go off as you felt the vines throbbing under your skin.

An arm wrapped around your waist and pulled your unmoving feet, dragging you away. Your spotted, blurred vision could only see a head of dark blonde curls with a massive dark mass in the background screeching in agony.

“It’s over. It's supposed to be over!" you heard Max’s muffled voice say. “What’s wrong with her?!” You felt hands on your shoulder, shaking you to snap out of it.

“Steve,” you breathed out. You tried to focus on Max, but with a blink, you were trapped back in your memories. Steve telling you to go home every time as he led a different girl up the stairs to his room. Steve dropping you off while thanking you for picking out a gift for Nancy. Watching him smile ever so fondly at Robin. Seeing the smile that you so desperately desired every time.

All the memories of Steve breaking your heart, you felt all at once.

You continued to unconsciously call out Steve’s name. Even when the paramedics began wheeling you out in a stretcher. You vaguely saw them cutting your shirt open, exposing the gore that was concealed by the fabric.

The black vines had reached out on the surface of your skin. The outline of your ribs was exposed, threading black and purple angry bruises over your torso. The right side of your ribcage had completely sank, one rib twisting outwards and leaking a mix of blood and black goo. The damage was extensive, but the monster you grew and fed inside you seemed to be finally lying still, only remaining dormant once the gate was sealed once again.

“… -eral broken ribs and possible internal bleeding!” a paramedic called. “One of her lungs has collapsed. She's in shock!”

Then Steve was there. You couldn’t tell if it was a memory or if it was happening at that moment. He was struggling against two firemen, trying to get to you with one hand reaching out. With the last bit of energy left, you raised your hand, reaching out towards him too.

“Steve…”

[icanseethefuture333]

Hi! I recently got pretty into SKZ and Bang Chan is my current bias 👀 haha

I read your previous reading about the possible ethnicity of their Fs…

If its okay, can I ask for a reading about the qualities and such of Chan’s FS? Thanks! ✨

I didn't say what the ethnicities of their future spouses were, I only stated their nationalities, but I can do a reading about what his future spouse is like :)

Bang Chan's future spouse 🐺:

Qualities:

For Bang Chan's future spouse, they are someone who is artistic, selfless, caring, and insightful. They could have strong clairvoyant powers or are able to foretell the future. Intuitive and helpful. They could be someone who prays to the angels or works with archangels (earth angel too maybe?). Their mind is very creative and filled with many ideas.

Personality:

This is random as hell but I channeled the song Watch Me Whip (Nae Nae) by Silentó 😭? They're goofy as hell sometimes. I know this is a outdated term (at least I think it is?), but they could have a 4D personality. They can be serious at times and all of a sudden act quirky and hyper. Their behavior or mannerisms can be really cute 🥹. If they do something by accident or get in trouble, it's like you can't stay mad at them lol. Acts oddly extroverted at first around people then suddenly turns into a introvert and vice versa. Their mood fluctuates 💀. Possibly neurodivergent (ADHD, BPD, Autistic, etc). When they are overwhelmed, they want to go home or they withdraw from the conversation. "I like the atmosphere/I don't like the atmosphere". Very honest with what their feeling. Passionate about speaking up for others or on what's wrong. Doesn't tolerate excuses on people's age, culture, etc, as a reason to be a jerk (period!).

Physical traits:

I channeled the song Every Girl by Young Money and the lyrics I heard was "I like a long-haired, thick redbone" (I'm ctfu 😭). So Chan's future spouse could look like that. They have a darker complexion. I'm seeing that their skin color is brown skin with red undertones. Very long, black hair. They could like to wear their hair straight or in braids but their natural hair texture is wavy to curly. They dress like a tomboy or like to be covered up. I heard "Feetsies :3 XD" ew 😭💀! Lmfao Chan's future spouse likes for their feet to be out when they're not working. They could typically be seen wearing sneakers or sandals. They could wear their work clothes a lot or they usually wear their hair up in a ponytail, bun, etc. "I hate having to do my hair". On special occasions they like to wear sundresses and let their hair down. Their body could be on the heavier side in terms of weight, but they have strong muscles.

Career:

They are currently a student or attending school. University perhaps? (studying for PhD or receiving a degree for their master's or bachelor's). If not they go to a technical school (cosmetology for example). Something about the military is significant to them. They are a writer. Possibly an author or a journalist. Their job is related to the media. Public relations, social media manager, or news editor. This could also mean they work a government job like handling/signing to approve legal documents or delivering mail (working for the post office).

[ravenstodaisies]

Dear Daisy,

Just when I thought my week was going to be dull, I got a frantic e-mail from the place I edit for. Deadlines were two weeks ago, so I was surprised it took this long for the team notice any errors, but well. What can ya do? It turns out they had forgotten to send over a few written works and asked how long it would take me to rank them alongside the others. They said I could take as long as I liked, courtesy of their own mix-up.

I don’t usually mind unexpected things like this, but when a whole process moving forward is contingent on you getting work done quickly and efficiently, it’s admittedly stressful. I’m confident I can get these done in a week if I push it, but I’m asking for two just in case. Never know when life’ll throw you in for a loop, and these stories deserve as much attention and care as the others got. Not the authors’ faults, but doing the work over again is frustrating.

There’s no update on the job search, sadly. The place I got an interview for is pausing their hiring process, which I later found out was because of strikes. I support strikes, obviously. Workers deserve fair pay and the cost of living right now is certifiably insane—but it still sucks that it all had to happen right now. I’m applying to other things in the meantime. Have heard nothing else so far. I briefly thought about taking bartending classes, then saw from bartenders on Reddit that those things are a waste of time and money. We’ll see if the bartending avenue leads anywhere, because no one wanted an editor with less than two years’ experience. Job searching is super fun.

On another note, I’ve been reading The Handmaid’s Tale, because the usual high fantasies aren’t cutting it for me lately. I’m getting tired of being drenched in a whole lot of lore that I need to keep track of and wanted something a little more straightforward and…realistic? Or, I guess way less lore-heavy is more what I’m trying to say. A lot of the themes in that book are sadly relatable. I’m not going to lie, it’s a heavy read, but it’s also something that’s consumed me. Half the time when I pick it up, I can’t put it down, and I don’t often get that feeling. A while ago, I made it a goal to read a whole bunch of books that have, at some point, been on a ban list, mostly out of curiosity, and this is the first one I’ve deliberately picked up from that list. Mainly because it was the only one I owned. But also because many people in the book sphere are saying it is an essential read right now.

This area has always been a perpetual dumpster fire, but lately it’s been even worse. I’m trying my hardest not to obsess over the news, though it’s hard when it’s all being shoved in my face. Constantly. It’s just frustrating when politics nowadays seems to be less about taking care of the people and more about sticking it to the other party.

It’s a clown show. With shitty popcorn. And instead of making animal balloons, the clowns just pop each other’s and make all the kids cry.

I hate clowns.

Anyway.

I don’t know how to end this off. It’s a little weird to think I haven’t seen you in over a month. I saw a figure of Captain America eating what I think was shawarma and it reminded me of you. And then I got sad. And now I’m sad again. Ew.

What’s up on your end?

Raven

[octaviasdread]

any girls! dark academia movie recs? i really struggle to find anything not about a group of boys (as much as I love them)

SO MANY!!! This is probably a far more detailed answer than you were expecting but this is a popular question and I want to keep a list for myself and others.

Feel free to add to it/give opinions. I've tried to give a tw for anything I can remember

Girls! Dark Academia Movies/TV Shows

Mona Lisa Smile (2003)

1950s Women’s college

Art professor! Julia Roberts

She’s legit the female Mr Keating of the art & college world

Feminism vs. Tradition

Maggie Gyllenhall x Ginnifer Goodwin; their characters were more than friends. Fight me.

Does not end how you expect

Strike!/All I Wanna Do/The Hairy Bird (1998)

MY FAVOURITE!!!

Free on YouTube under one of its various names

Comedy

1960s all girls boarding school

Young Kirsten Dunst

Group of girls plot to sabotage a merger with a boys school less prestigious than their own

Secret attic clubhouse meetings of the D.A.R aka Daughters of the American Ravioli (eaten cold, ew)

girls get political & advocate for their rights using ANY elaborate and chaotic scheme

TW: eating disorder, vomiting & creepy male teacher but the girls plot against him too

The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie (1969)

based on a short book I read for uni by Muriel Spark

1930s girls school in Edinburgh

Scottish teacher! Maggie Smith, controversial with a focus on romantic ideals

Spoiler alert, the liberal teacher is actually a fascist

Her group of fave students has cult- vibes and it’s fascinating

Picnic at Hanging Rock

1970s movie or 2018 mini series

Never watched either but I plan to

Wild Child (2008)

00s romcom every UK teen girl loves

Emma Roberts as the spoiled rich American teenager sent to a strict English boarding school

Plots to get herself expelled but oh no she’s making friends with the girls who help her

And the headmistress has a hot son, and he’s nice??? Double oh no

ICONIC SCENES

Everything! Goes! Wrong!

omg she burns the school down

Feel good, comfort, nostalgia

St Trinians (2007)

English girls boarding school

The kids are all criminals, no joke

So are the teachers

CHAOTIC

gay awakening for british girls

Art heist pulled off by school girls

Government tries to shut them down but oh no, the education minister & the headmistress are ex-lovers

Colin Firth x Rupert Everett in drag

Superior cast: Jodie Whittaker, Gemma Arterton, Juno Temple, Stephen Fry, Colin Firth, etc...

embodies the phrase 'problematic fave'

St Trinians 2: The Legend of Fritton’s Gold (2009)

Mystery, pirate ancestors, hidden treasure

omg Shakespeare was a woman

girls disguised as boys to infiltrate and rob the posh boys school

Villain! David Tennant in that ICONIC boat scene

Teen girls vs. ancient misogynist brotherhood

like the first film but MORE chaotic and BETTER!???

The Falling (2014)

1960s all girls school

best friends! but its unrequited love

Agoraphobic + distant mother aka mommy issues

Sudden death and the school suppresses/ignores the students grief, sparking mass hysteria & a fainting epidemic in the girls

Cast: Maisie Williams (GoT) & Florence Pugh (Little Women) & Joe Cole (Peaky Blinders)

TW: teen pregnancy, death, vomiting, underage s*x, sibling inc*st, past s*xual assault

READ THE PLOT SUMMARY FIRST

The Book Thief (2013)

Based on an amazing book by Markus Zusak

set in 1940s Nazi Germany

Daughter of a communist whose family were taken by the Nazis/died is fostered by an older couple who teach her to read & she paints a dictionary on the basement walls

Coming of age story about a compulsive book thief. No joke, this kid steals books from banned book burnings and breaks into the mayor's library through the window

Family hides the Jewish son of an old friend in their basement and he helps her to start writing about her experiences in the war

TW: death, bombings, WW2 anti-semitism

Mary Shelley (2017)

Overall good & roughly biographical

Pretty costumes and aesthetic

Modern feminist take on Mary Shelly in her own time period

So many INACCURACIES for the drama so don’t take it as truth

Percy Shelley slander and not all of it is justified

Cast: Elle Fanning, Douglas Booth, and Maisie Williams

The Secret Garden (1993)

Based on a fave childhood book

1901 colonial India & Yorkshire, England

Orphaned, spoilt & neglected girl sent to live with her reclusive Uncle in the English countryside

Gothic elements, mysteries, secret doors/passages/locked gardens

local boy with a flock of animals, magic, kids chanting around a fire and all around immaculate vibes

Happy ending!!!

Hidden Figures (2016)

African-American women as mathematicians for NASA

1960s space project

Women balancing a career and family obligations

Deals with racial & gender discrimination

Loosely based on the lives of Katherine Johnson, Mary Jackson, and Dorothy Vaughan who worked for NASA as engineers & mathematicians

Anne of Green Gables (1985) & sequel (1987)

Adaptation L.M. Montgomery’s ‘Anne of Green Gables’ books

Canada (late 1890s/early 1900s)

Highly imaginative & bookworm orphan is adopted by a reclusive elderly brother and sister duo

Small town & school years comedic drama

Unrequited Enemies -> Friends -> lovers

Inspiring new woman teacher

Girls re-enact Tennyson’s poem and nearly drown for the aesthetic™

Dramatic poetry reading with INTENSE 👀eye contact👀

Writer! Anne & English teacher! Anne dealing with unruly girls school antics

Collette (2018)

biographical drama on french writer Sidonie-Gabrielle Collette

Victorian & Edwardian era France

More talented than her husband so she ghostwrites for him

Fight for creative ownership of her wildly successful novels

Affairs with a woman called Georgie and also with Missy, born female but masculine presenting

Cast: Keira Knightly, Dominic West, Eleanor Tomlinson (Poldark)

Enola Holmes (2020)

Netflix book adaptation

Younger sister of Sherlock Holmes

Victorian era! feminism/suffragettes

Mother-daughter focus

Mystery, adventure, secret codes, teens running away & escaping from (and eventually fighting) assassins

Cast: Helena Bonham Carter, Henry Cavill, Sam Claflin, Fiona Shaw, Millie Bobby Brown

Ginger & Rosa (2012)

1960s England

best friends since literal birth navigating troubled teen years

poet & anti-nuclear activist! Ginger

off the rails but also catholic! Rosa

Shout out to Mark & Mark the gay godfathers we all want

family troubles 

TW: older man has an affair with a 17 yr old

Testament of Youth (2014)

based on WW1 memoir by Vera Brittain

young woman (writer & poetry lover) escapes traditional family & goes to study at Oxford University

abandons to become a war nurse

romance, tragedy and war trauma

Cast: Alicia Vikander, Kit Harrington (GoT), Taron Edgerton (Rocketman), Colin Morgan (Merlin)

Little Women (2019)

Writer! Jo & Artist! Amy

Mother/daughter focus and sister dynamics

the March sisters’ theatre club is *chefs kiss*

champagne problems edits of Jo x Laurie are a mood

Ambivalent ending perfectly captures Louisa May Alcott’s dilemma with the book the movie is based on

set in 1860s America

ALL STAR CAST and a Greta Gerwig masterpeice

Lady Bird (2017)

coming of age in early 2002/2003 Sacramento, California

all girls catholic school

writer! Christine aka Lady Bird wants to get outta town and start her life again at college 'in a city with culture'

Mother/daughter dynamics - so realistic!

I live for that Jesus car stunt & the nun's reaction

school theatre program

Cast: Saoirse Ronan, Timothee Chalamet, Beanie Feldstein

Another Greta Gerwig gem

Beguiled (2017)

Virginia, civil war era

Girls school with only five students and two teachers left

Find an injured Union army soldier & bring him inside

Women & teenagers want his attention (v. problematic) before uniting against him

(tbh you'll either love it, hate it, or watch once & forget it)

Sofia Coppola film so its very feminine gaze

TW: violence, death, underage

Legally Blonde (2001)

No questions will be taken

Elle Woods was the blue print

TV series:

House of Anubis (2011-2013)

I know it’s a kids/young teen show but I still unironically love it

ANCIENT EGYPT!!!!

Modern day with Victorian era links to treasure hunters & Egyptian research expeditions (stealing from tombs)

Chosen one plot lines, curses, kidnapping, mysteries, secret tunnels under the school, elixir of life

Teens have investigate & protect themselves cus oh no the TEACHERS are involved in some shady stuff

new American kid at British boarding school is the actual premise not just a fanfic au

Nostalgic, light-hearted, funny, and kinda cheesy but I will accept no criticism

The Alienist (2018 -now)

Mid 1890s, New York

Woman’s private detective agency (Season 2)

Serial killer mystery

Woman secretary turns detective and teams up with a criminal psychiatrist and a newspaper editor to solve crime

TW: violence, child pr*stit*tion

Cast: Dakota Fanning, Luke Evans, Daniel Bruhl

The Queen’s Gambit (2020)

Woman chess prodigy

1950s & 1960s

TW: drug & alcohol abuse

Gentleman Jack (2019 - now)

Based on the diaries of Anne Lister

Victorian Yorkshire, England

Upper-class lesbians

Confident, suit wearing! Anne Lister x shy! Ann Walker

Business woman! Anne running the family mines

Cast: Suranne Jones (Doctor Foster) & Sophie Rundle (Peaky Blinders)

TW: violence

Gilmore Girls (2000-2007)

bubbly/ambitious single mom + intelligent daughter

bookworm! Rory Gilmore gets into a prestigious private school and then an Ivy League college

Small town drama is comedic gold

Fast dialogue packed with pop culture and literary references

Comforting & nostalgic

TEAM JESS

Anne with an E (2017-2019)

Loose adaptation of L.M. Montgomery’s ‘Anne of Green Gables’ books

they completely change the plot lines but it’s still very good content!

Orphan girl with trauma and a love of books/poetry is adopted by an elderly brother & sister duo, bringing light and fresh ideas to a rural community

Feminism, girls writing club, lgbtq safe spaces, girls eduction, black/indigenous representation

Miss Stacy as THAT inspiring teacher

Aunt Josephine’s lavish gay parties have my heart

TW: creepy male teacher tries to marry a student, racial discrimination, indigenous assimilation school

Victoria (2016-2019)

Adaption of Queen Victoria’s life

Victoria navigating her political, royal, and personal life

Albert’s involvement with The Great Exhibition, 1851 (on cultural + industrial innovations)

Alfred Paget x Edward Drummond is exquisite

Gorgeous costumes and aesthetics

TW: bury your gays trope

Derry Girls (2018-now)

1990s Northern Ireland during the troubles

Comedy, episodes 20-25 mins long

English boy sent to an all girls Catholic school with his cousin

✨Dead Poets Society parody episode ✨with a free-spirited female teacher

Sister Michael, the sarcastic nun who hates her job & reads the exorcist for giggles

Wee anxious lesbian! Clare Devlin (plus her friends wearing rainbow pins)

Badass with bad ideas! Michelle Mallon

Main Character! Erin Quinn

Lovable weirdo who would fight a polar bear! Orla McCool

Wee English fella & honorary Derry girl! James Maguire

Dickinson (2019-now)

Loose adaption of the poet Emily Dickinson’s life

Set in 19th century Massachusetts, US

Historical drama with modern dialogue & music that works SEAMLESSLY

gives a great understanding of Emily Dickinson’s poems

💕Vintage gays! Emily x Sue💕

Theatre club, writing, poetry, dressing as men to sneak into lectures, love letters, teen drama, feminism, and an underground abolitionist journal as a brief side plot in season 2

Wiz Khalifa plays death in a horse drawn carriage

TW: opium use

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017-2019)

Based on great childhood books

Bookworm! brother, Inventor! sister, and baby sister with sharp teeth

Mystery, secret organisations, orphaned siblings figuring things out & fending for themselves against the villain after their fortune

Adults either cartoon evil, comedically incompetent, or SPIES

Boarding school, library owner, scientific researcher, and theatre episodes

Ambiguous time period which is really fun to try and pin point

Killing Eve (2018-now)

Classic detective who has homoerotic tension with the assassin she is tracking down

British Detective! Eve Polastri figures out the notorious assassin MI5 are investigating is a woman, is fired & then put on a secret MI6 case with a small team

Assassin! Villanelle, a psychopath with a tragic past and a mastery of both accents & fashion

Woman MI6 boss! Carolyn Martens, head of Russian section

Travel Europe following Villanelle’s killings and escaping the assassins sent by Villanelle’s organisation

‘You’re supposed to be my enemy and moral opposite but omg you’re the only one smart enough to get me and why am I obsessed with you????'

🚨 GO IN FOR A KISS AND THEN STAB YOUR ENEMY 🚨

Cable Girls/Las chicas del cable (2017-2020)

Spanish drama set in 1920s Madrid

Four young women at a telecommunications company form a group of friends and help navigate the difficult situations they are all in

Secret identities, dangerous pasts, murder, crime, lgbtq couple & throuple, trans man character, feminism/suffragists

girls commit crimes for humanitarian reasons and cover! it! up!

UNDERRATED SHOW!!!!

Gorgeous costumes and set

Haven’t finished it yet and I’m catching up

TW: abuse, violence, death

Outlander (2014 - now)

haven’t watched yet but plan to

Woman time travels to Scotland, 1743

Rebel highlanders, pirates, British colonies, American revolutionary war

Time jumps between 18th & 20th century

[carnationcreation]

Can I make a request for Luke (Julie and the Phantoms) x reader? Where reader has a bad day (maybe reader is cyber-bullied or something) and Luke being the good boyfriend that he is tries to cheer up reader? Sorry if that's a bit specific! Thank you!

TITLE: Behind the Scenes (Luke Patterson x reader)

Masterlist Request an imagine here!

Join my tag list!

Request: Yes!

Prompt/summary:  Reader is the editor for Julie and the Phantoms youtube channel and is getting cyber bullied for showing up in videos with Luke

Word Count: 1,296

Warnings:  A bit of angst, mentions of cyber bullying and implication of a panic attack but isn’t described in much detail

Authors note: This takes place a little bit after the final episode, assuming that the boys actually came back to life and people can see them now.

The first time I saw Julie perform with the phantoms was when she performed in front of the entire school to get back into the music program. The only thing I could do was sit and stare in awe as the musicians appeared out of nowhere on stage and disappear just as quickly afterwards. After a couple days and Julie and the Phantoms becoming more and more popular it was obvious that they needed a killer youtube channel if they wanted to get signed, and that’s when she called me.

I do anything from sound checks to video editing. Trying to give them their best look to present to the world. It wasn’t long after that I started appearing in some videos of the behind the scenes. And it definitely wasn’t long after that the lead guitarist caught my eye. We had started dating privately after a couple weeks.

The fan girls had become obsessed with the members of the band, so when someone came in and posed the threat of taking their dream boy off the single list they attacked. And they attack hard. 

At first I thought that we were just getting a big response to the new music video because it was the best one we’ve managed to produce. Everything from green screens to special effects. It wasn’t until I hopped on to twitter and saw people @’ing me that I got concerned.

@lolkitty3__: ew why is Luke kissing (Y/n) on the bts reel? 

@mouskanoodle: (Y/n) really thinks she can interfere with #Juke lol

@ladybug__girlll: can (Y/n) get out of the fucking way so I can see the boys?

I felt the pain in my chest seeing my username pop up so many times. In the video Luke kissed me on the cheek after I showed him how the video effects looked. The amount of insults and jabs they made at me made it obvious I wasn’t liked in the fandom at all. So I tried to brush it off, throw myself into my editing on the new video, focus on filming the band to the best of my abilities, but in the back of my mind I still felt the comments swimming around. I never forgot everything that was said.

The band started to notice that something was off. I wouldn’t let Luke record me doing my editing in fear that the fans would hate on me more. I would edit my voice out of the video in favor of the boys or Julie talking. The fans eventually started to take notice, but it wasn’t until Julie included me on a livestream that everything really went to shit. The fans saw that I was wearing Luke’s sweater and I knew that was the end of me. 

Julie saw my face fall as the comments started rolling in. I excused myself saying I was going to the bathroom and Julie ended the live quickly. 

“Please don’t tell Luke,” I said to Julie with tears in my eyes.

“He’s going to know soon, Twitter is already going crazy. There’s some hate but there is a lot of support,” she tried to assure me.

“No, I don’t want to see any of it.”

I turned on my heel and rushed to the bathroom. I tried to silence the sobs that were coming out of my mouth, but those quickly turned into gasps that turned into a full on panic attack. I lowered myself to the floor slowly and tried to slow my breathing as much as I could. Every time I would get myself to improve my breathing another nasty comment would pop into my head and I would spiral back down again.

“(Y/n)? Baby are you in there?” I heard Luke call from behind the door

I could only let out a sob as I saw the doorknob jiggle.

“Baby please let me in,” Luke said as he started to twist the doorknob harder.

I crawled towards the door and unlocked it, he ducked inside as soon as the door opened and wrapped me in his arms. He sat me in his lap and pushed the hair out of my face as he tried to calm me by whispering in my ears. Over the sound of my sobs and the ringing in my ear he sounded so far away. Finally I started to calm down enough to talk.

“(Y/n), baby I’m so sorry this happened. I should’ve noticed this earlier.”

I leaned my head on his shoulder and he held me tightly to his chest.

“Trust me I’ll make sure this stops, or at least isn’t the only thing you see anymore. For now let me see your phone, okay?”

I hiccupped, “Why?”

“Just trust me babe.”

He deleted all my social media to get rid of the notifications. The next day the #1 video on the trending page was Luke talking to fans about cyberbullying and how it’s affected the entire band. 

“If you can say such negative and vile things to someone that this band cares about so much, you’re not a real Phantoms fan. If you can see (Y/n) in any video and say such nasty things to her because you ‘love me’, then I’m sorry you don’t love me. If you guys loved me you would support me and the girl I’m in love with.”

And for the most part, the hate stopped. Obviously not all of it went away overnight, but at least the majority of it went away or was hidden by all the support I was seeing from our true fans. The amount of love I received after Luke’s video from fans was incredible, even some went as far as to start fan pages dedicated to the little clips of me they could find in the vlogs.

Even now I still feel the same panic in my chest that was there when the hate first started, but now I have the strength to block them, lock my phone, and go fall into the arms of the man that gave me such security in a terrible time. 

“I never truly thanked you for what you did,” I told him, it was a night after a big show at the Orpheum and after Luke pulled me on to the stage the fans went nuts. One even handed me a pink dahlia that I still had tucked behind my ear.

“Baby,” Luke said, brushing my hair back, “You don’t have to thank me. It’s my job to make sure you’re safe and happy, and I know if the situation were reversed you’d do the same for me.”

“I just don’t want them to hate me, I work so hard to give them the content they love,” I sighed.

He pulled me into him and I rested my head on his shoulder, “Any true fan would love you because you help us be our best. They know the Phantoms wouldn’t be the same without you.”

I sighed.

“Guys! Come on it’s time to go,” Julie yelled from the van.

“You ready to go darling?” Luke said.

“Yeah, we got a big filming day tomorrow.”

“And knowing you, you’re absolutely going to smash it with the editing. The fans are going to show you so much love because they know how much you mean to us, and how much you contribute to the band. Even if it’s behind the scenes.”

I smiled looking up into his eyes, “I love you.”

He placed a tender kiss on my lips, “I love you too.”

The horn honked and Reggie waved to us from the front seat of the band, “Come on love birds!”

The two of us laughed and walked hand in hand to join the rest of the band.

____________________________

Join my tag list!

Taglist: @peachyxdream @catieiscute2001 @Thebookwormlife

[elucere]

Sad Late August Quarantine Thoughts 2.0

Last year, I wrote this. Basically my thoughts on how I felt in my life up to that point and what quarantine had illuminated. It felt cathartic then, so hopefully it’ll feel cathartic now. A part of that probably had to do with the fact that the last part was complete bullshit, but we’ll get into that later.

At nearly the slightest inconvenience now, I’ll say “I’m at my limit”. Technically, that isn’t really true because if I was really at my limit, at the next inconvenience I would completely lose it. But no, I’m just simply reminding myself that while I’m constantly met with a series of unfortunate events, I haven’t broken down yet. I might feel like I’m there, but I’m not. I’m just at my limit. Things are bad, but they aren’t the worst they could be yet. So keep in mind, I am very much at my limit as I’m writing this.

Last year I talked about my struggles with my job. Yeah, I got fired in February. It was not pretty either. I knew I wasn’t doing well performance wise, and they invited me into a zoom call that they said was a project meeting a week before my year anniversary and fired me. My supervisor (or I guess, ex-supervisor) cried on call. I didn’t cry until afterwards. It was an entire year of me trying to get better, him promising that it’ll come with time, and then getting sacked because “we didn’t see improvements”. Really, really fucking sucked. And it messed with me for a long time because I kept replaying those last few weeks, trying to decipher what I could’ve done differently to prove my worth and keep my position. There was a lot. I felt really guilty.

I think the worst part is that I got a performance warning in December and realized at that point I’d become so apathetic about my job that I needed professional help. I’d been trying to go to therapy for a long time, but it never panned out. My mom forbade it when I was in high school, it was practically impossible to get an appointment at my college’s mental health facility unless you were considered a threat to yourself and others (which I most certainly did not want on my record), and after school life happened so fast with the pandemic and the fact that I live in a 2 bedroom apartment with my mom and my brother with very little privacy. Even now that I’ve convinced my mom that therapy is okay, actually, she still highly disproves and sees it as some sort of psychological failing on my part. Which is. Sure. Whatever. Why not.The reason I did not enroll in therapy that December is actually because my dad lost his job and with it, his health insurance, and with that, my health insurance. That means I had to enroll in a health plan through my employment, which became an unanticipatedly long process. I actually got my new-but-useless health insurance card in the mail a few days after I got fired. They actually fired me on the last day of the month, so my benefits wouldn’t extend beyond that month. That’s a bit of fun irony.

To quite a few of my friends, this story solidified the idea that insurance=therapy. As soon as I got insurance again, I’d be able to finally get some help. This was a couple of people’s first response to me when I got hired again (yay, I know I don’t have to worry about that anymore but I’m also afraid that I’ll just inevitably be fired again so I don’t let myself have the victory). I know my friends only want the best for me, and I can’t expect them be able to emotionally support me like a professional, but I’m afraid that they think that therapy will  be some sort of magical fix of sorts. I don’t mean in the sense of just getting better mentally, but I think being a tolerable person. I know that sounds like I’m just being self-depreciating, but let me explain.

A few years ago I was at dinner with one of my friends. I don’t remember exactly what we were talking about, but she goes “name three things you actually like” because I was probably being negative or something. I said a few things and whatever, but that comment stuck with me for a long time. I thought it was especially poignant or something. Am I so unhappy all the time because I fixate on things I don’t like? It could be connected to the attitude of social media to be outwardly negative. Casual wisdom, you know.

Well, that was the fact until I was out with that same friend and we visited Barnes and Noble. I’ve been doing quite a bit of reading this year and got more involved in the book community, so I have many Opinions. Some are good, some are bad, some are just me being annoying. After an hour of browsing the shelves, we drive home. I start talking about a series I really like in the car and she goes “It’s nice to hear you talk about a book you actually like.” Which kind of stunned me because I had just did a lot of talking about books I liked. How happy I was that kids were still reading Rangers Apprentice, going out of my way to see how many Brandon Sanderson books I could find in the Adult Fantasy section, and more reminiscing in the Young Adult section about books I liked recently or as a teen. The truth is, I talk about stuff I like all the time to people who will listen. Ask me about my favorite books! My favorite movies! My favorite musicals! I promise I will not shut up. It’s one of the few things I have that lift my spirits when I talk about it, I just don’t get the opportunity to much because it’s hard to find people who want to listen.

The thing is, I’m naturally a critical person, I think. I love tearing things apart, in good and bad ways. I also love gossip. I’m an okay gossip, but I know at this point that I’m a good critic. I’m really good at identifying faults and commenting them on an insightful or constructive way. I edit a lot of my friends’ writings for this reason. I don’t find that to be anything negative, it’s just something that’s interesting to me. Basically what I’m saying is, what if it’s not mental illness and I’m just annoying and I’ll not be able to meet the expectations of other people’s idea of progress for me and I’ll be a disappointment. I’m kind of tearing up while typing that out while listening bopping to Disturbia by Rihanna but this is the third time I’ve been on the verge of crying today so yaknow maybe it is just mental illness.At this point, I can either talk about criticism in relation to the particular way I dish it, or I could talk about how I want to receive it. I think the former will take less time to elaborate, so I’ll start with that.

I mention last year how I got an unpaid gig as a critic for DiscussingFilm. Embarrassing at times, I joke with my friends that “DiscussingFilm Writer” is a slur, but it’s cool at times as well. I got a press pass to go to Sundance and gorged on an entire family sized bag of peanut M&Ms while I watched like 14 movies in one weekend. I’m trying to say positive things about this until I start ragging to prove that I’m not an overwhelmingly negative person, but I don’t think that’s working well. Whatever. The point is, if I didn’t like it I would quit, but if I did quit it wouldn’t be because I didn’t like it. It would because there was an…event. I had quite a falling out with one of the higher-ups that run the site and in response my work has taken a hit. I won’t go into too much detail, but I don’t get assigned anticipated releases anymore. My work is often delayed going out and, in turn, I feel less motivated to turn in my work on time. And then on top of that, it’s rarely promoted. I have examples on top of examples, but this stupid thing is getting long enough. To summarize the DiscussingFilm situation, I feel like shit. I have one of the lowest view counts on the site. I’m told that my work is good and it’s valued, but not enough to get reposted, I guess! Why bother. And also because the person I do not work well with is quite up in the food chain, I’ll never see a promotion. I wanted to become an editor so bad (I do editing on the side for my friends and enjoy it), but now it will never ever happen. I don’t have the opportunity to prove myself, it’s just completely off the table by nature of leadership. Ass. Complete ass. I’m doing quite a bit of work for DiscussingFilm including creating the standard for the Instagram, making graphics for the Instagram, performing interviews and writing reviews for the site, and co-hosting a DiscussingFilm branded podcast, and I will never see neither a dime for my work or recognition in any meaningful or significant way. I don’t have a say in anything, and I feel like an insignificant cog whose opinion does not mean much.

I still get insecure with my reviews, but not as much anyways. Sure, I can’t compare to the great writers at trades who do this for a living and have been doing so for years. But, I am better than a lot of writers at my level. Sometimes I try pitching to other publications, but so far I’ve only been met with rejection. It kinda stings to know that my work is not worth enough to be paid for, but I’m kinda over it. I still pitch. I try my best. That’s the thing about me, I just keep going. Rejection hurts like a bitch, but whatever. I don’t want to quit just yet, so I guess I won’t. There isn’t anyone in my corner who’s actively spurring me to keep going, I’ve just decided that I’ll get paid for my work one day and so now I will.This connects with the criticism I want to receive which unfortunately very much is not of the nonfiction variety. Ew I fucking hate talking about this but I need to get it off my chest.

After I got fired, I was slipping into quite a bit of a depression. I started a podcast at this time with my friend to try and prevent that, but I knew that I probably needed another project. I wasn’t watching movies anymore, DiscussingFilm was not publishing my shit, and all I was doing all day was reading (which I don’t anymore, I’m in a slump and it’s definitely connected to the idea I have in the next sentence). So I had the brilliant idea of “hey, I could do that. I could write a book. I should do it to do it.”You see, this has not been my only attempt at writing a proper book. I tried when I was 13, I tried when I was 15 and into online literate roleplay, I tried when I was 18 by doing NaNoWriMo in college (also, I was actually more depressed then). I also tried to get into a short story class in college that you had to submit a story to get into and didn’t even make it on the waitlist. Nothing stuck. But hey, I was unemployed and I came up with a funny premise that I wasn’t too attached to, so why not?

The book is not funny. It was supposed to, but it’s changed a lot. I’m very comfortable writing in camp. It’s difficult because I know sometimes I have my moments, but often I don’t. I also chose to write it in a genre I’m not super familiar with (Young Adult contemporary, I read Young Adult and Adult fiction primarily). I didn’t expect it to be easy, but the things I thought would come easily did not come easily. I have a lot of male friends, so I could certainly write the male characters as real people, right? Right? I’m funny, so the humor would come across well, right? Did I anticipate that after years of pretty much only analyzing films critically I’d subconsciously structure my story using dialogue-driven storytelling similar to a screenplay? No! Not at all, actually! This journey of self-discovery has been ass at every corner!

I recognize that first drafts are shit and authors hate their writing, but also I’m built different, your honor. By 15k words in, I realized I needed an outside perspective. I hated my own writing and I was afraid none of the characters were coming off right. I needed feedback, and I still do. But I hate being perceived. As long as no one reads my writing, they think that I know what I’m talking about and value my opinion on their writing, but once they figure out I’m just an Imposter then it’s game over. They’ll lose respect for me. Logically, I know this isn’t how this works, but I feel physically nauseous whenever someone reads my writing.

Anyways, back to my much-needed criticism. To make a long story short involving several English teacher that caused me to quit pursuing writing altogether in my formative years and decide to switch to a STEM track, I have very little tangible self-awareness of my own writing and how to improve it. I need the outside feedback, or at least I did. I’m 60k words into my first draft now and I’m cripplingly self aware of all my errors, but it feels too little too late. 60k words are a lot of words, and it feels not great knowing that most of them are trash. I really needed this kind of feedback earlier in the process so I could make tweaks early on. I know that writing is like a muscle and you need to work it out and practice to get stronger, but fuck man, FUCK. 60k words is a LOT of words. And I still need people to read it and give me feedback and I’m literally willingly asking people to read shit. It’s so humiliating. I guess I’m just at a point where I wish I could look at it and find something of value in what I’ve written.

I see other authors and I get so jealous. At their confidence, at their lyricism, their mastery of the art, their enthusiasm for their story, their love of their characters. I don’t have that. I’m not even talking about imposter’s syndrome. I know what that feels like. This is something else. I just wish I was the kind of person who could openly be creative without wanting to die. I’m 100% sure if I could be enthusiastic about the story I want to tell, the entire thing would be better. It’s crazy how I noticed that I’m not writing any metaphors into realizing that’s directly connected with my inability to be vulnerable and that I’m detaching myself from my work. That, and the fact that I’m fucking shite at writing metaphors apparently.

It also doesn’t help that I don’t have a writer group of friends and very little people to talk about this with, none of which are like… enthusiastic. It’s not their fault. I attract people into my life who are very much like me. They’re supportive and wonderful but I need someone who’d be excited to talk to me about it. I just feel like such a huge burden all the time. Everytime I bring it up I feel terrible, but it’s occupying so much of my brain space and I have no outlet. But also, getting that group of friends would require me to be vulnerable online and be willing to share what I have so far which I might actually throw up.I think it’s very fun that “crying and throwing up” has become a saying on Twitter considering that I’ve counted a countless amount of times this year and thrown up from stress four times since last November. It might also be connected to coffee consumption, but if that’s true I’m ready to off myself because coffee is one of my few joys. Honestly, it’s probably a mix of both. I’m very healthy, very much okay.

I don’t know. Last year, I ended my little essay on a hopeful note. Here’s the thing, this may seem like very much just stream of consciousness bullshit but there is quite a bit of structuring I do and omissions I make. I didn’t talk about my struggles reconnecting with people and subsequently taking their irregular replies, because there’s a lot to get into there. There’s a lot I could’ve talked about, but no room. There’s a very specific flow, and I feel like any story, it needs a conclusion. So last year, through tears, I wrote a hopeful ending. It was as much for me as it was to the people reading it. Unfortunately, I don’t have it in it for me to conclude in the same fashion this time around.

The truth is, I need to feel okay. I need to feel like I’m good at something, anything, and be recognized for it.

Life is suffering and I’m just constantly going through the motions. I promise you, this stupid thing is 3k words and the second I’m done I’ll go back to working on my b**k even though today I literally started crying thinking about how shit it is. I’m just a tenacious individual. I persist. I don’t feel good about it, and I’m done with being genuinely hopeful, but there’s nothing to do but keep moving. I don’t know if my writing will get better or if I’ll ever get published or if this story is worth it. I don’t fucking know anything and I feel like shit. But what else am I going to do? I’ve been holding onto this hope that I’ll feel better about things for just so long and it hasn’t happened. But I’m not giving up lmao I’m just working with what I have. I am at my limit.

[popculturebuffet]

Carl Barks: Back to the Klondike Review: Blinkus of the Thinkus

Welcome one and all! If your a longtime reader of this blog, you know I love a good birthday celebration, having started with my first year reviewing animation last year with Donald’s and deciding to do Mickey and Scrooge’s later that year. But since I misseda  LOT of disney birthdays, and found several Non-disney birthdays and anniversaries I just gotta celebrate, this year i’m making it up and style and have a whole calender set up to tack these big milestones to the wall. So over the year expect tributes to the greats of disney, looney tunes, and mgm both behind and in front of the scenes, as well as to various shows I like. It’s gonna be a good time. 

So to start us off, it’s only fitting my first duck birthday since Scrooge, is for the love of his life and the stealer of his wallet, Glittering Goldie O Gilt! And I felt the best way to celebrate this storied day was to go back to her very FIRST apperance, one of earliest Scrooge headlined comics and a forever fan faviorite, Back to the Klondike!

But before we get into that, a little history on our gal in gold. Goldie was created for this story by comics god, the late great Carl Barks. Barks ended up just using her once, which is a shame but understandable as he probably only thought of her for that one adventure. While some characters like Gyro ended up being used again and again he probably just didn’t have any more stories in mind for her and figured Scrooge would return to her one day or he wouldn’t, but it wasn’t up to him.  Fans however loved the character, her feisty dynamic with scrooge, and the fact she brought out his good side, so naturally other writers would bring her back. In paticular Barks Superfan Don Rosa cemented her as the love of his life and wrote several more stories with her, fleshing out their backstory and saying that at least in his personal canon, Scrooge retired to spend his final years with her. And while his fanboy was clearly showing, and that can end nasitly just ask Dan “Hates Wally West because he’s not barry allen” DiDio, glad he’s gone.. Rosa’s work with goldie is an example of what happens when it’s done right. Less DiDio or Bendis and more Al Ewing. Using the continuity and what’s there to build on a character who deserved better.. to me that’s one of the BEST things you can do in comics and Rosa’s work is proof of that, ironing out the.. questionable elements we’ll get to and leaving the gold in.  So Rosa’s work combined with Ducktales not only adapting this story but bringing Goldie back a few times after that has elevated the character to a storied and permenat part of the duck canon, with her excellent heavily revamped Reboot counterpart currently carrying the torch with the help of the wonderful Allison Janey, perfect casting there. So with a legacy of gold behind her, let’s take a look at where it’s started and see if it still glitters after all these years under the cut. 

We begin our story at the Money Bin. Scrooge has been counting his money.. but has already forgotten, and forgot where he put the slip he wrote the number on and even forgets who Donald is when he shows up until Donald, while having some fun with him as Scrooge is trying to phone him while he’s right there. As for how he got into the most secure place in the bin.. the story actually answers that both worringly and hilariously: Scrooge left the door unlocked.  Naturally he’s not happy about this and Donald states the simple solution: Go see a doctor something’s CLEARLY very wrong, and the fact this could possibly be something like Demntia is VERY bad for someone who runs a zillion dollar company. Scrooge of course scoffs at “wasting his precious money” But Donald not only points out the obvious, that two bucks now saves him from having someone rob EVERYTHING, but Scrooge’s attempt to tie a string around his finger.. instead triggers a trap. And this entire sequence is decent with some good gags.. it’s just hampered a bit by making light of something that’s kinda bad. Not old people forgetting things.. but an old person with a disease as we find out forgetting things. Not helping is I laughed at first at the gags.. till I remembered a kind, old, friend of the family who had it and forgot me entirely by the end. So yeah, not the worst gags and the boxing glove and donald bits aren’t terrible, but it hurts now my brain’s made that connection. 

Our heroes head to the doctor’s office where Scrooge is diagnosed with... 

That.. might be the best name for a fictional illness i’ve ever heard in my life.. just inching out “Brain Cloud” and “Whale Cancer”. Still not the most SENSITIVE gag.. but it was the 50′s and mental issues weren’t given a lot of respect. IT’s why the above sequence and this whole part of the plot dosen’t scuttle things: It’s not the most repsectful.. but it wasn’t a time where these things were givne proper respect, treatment or knowledge, so barks wasn’t being an insentive douche on purpose, he just didn’t know. It dosen’t make it 100% okay btu it dosen’t wreck the story like say his blatant racist caractures in Voodoo Hoodoo. Seriously that’s.. not okay, and given he’s the kind of guy who researched locations he used, unlike with mental illness i expect BETTER of him than most men at the time. Still respect the guy, but it dosen’t mean i’ll overlook the fact he made some pretty bad mistakes. Same way while I love and miss Stan Lee I won’t ignore his blatant sexisim or racisim towards Chinese and Vitamise people. You CAN like a creator even if their work has some questionable and unjustifable elements, times do change and people do mamke mistakes when their young. It just depends on exactly WHAT they did or wrote that makes that distinctoin.  So on that bombshell, Scrooge is given medication after a needle gag. He needs to take his pills every 12 hours. It’s then he starts to remember something, mubling abotu skagway, goldie and dawson and telling Donald to get the boys, their going to Alaska! Once they get on the boat Scrooge explains: he remembered thanks to the medcince he left a stash of gold nuggets there from his prospecting days.. and part of why this story ended up being one of the single most important to Scrooge’s character. While it establishes some character traits, something I dind’t realize till wikipedia pointed it out, it also establishes Scrooge’s days as a prospector. While other things made him what he was and got him to that point as Don Rosa would later flesh out, it was his days in the yukon that, for better or worse defined who he is now and shaped him into the man he is today: Tough, fair, badass as all hell, mean as the devil and richer than god.  This time would be used a lot to set up stories, which made sense as it was the cleast and most agreed upon part of his past by all writers, and him at his abosltuely peak physically and mentally and the gold rush motif of the time perfectly fits someone defined by being rich. It’s also honestly nice that the Yukon is used, as Canada sometimes gets lost in the shuffle wise and hell until reading life and times I gneuinely had no idea what the Yukon was or where Calvin was headed when he and hobbes ran away from home. 

Scrooge also first mentions Goldie and while clearly remembering her fondly.. goes into a rant about her howing him a thousand dollars which has compounded to a billion the second the boys catch on he was sweet on her with Donald assuming he’s just not a good person. But this is really just setting up another vital part of his character and the other thing: his heart. Before he’d been show as a pretty heartless, greedy asshole. While the previous story, Only a Poor Old Man, had softened him up a bit, this is the first to show that beneath the pile of greed and mean lurks a decent human being. Just don’t tell anyone or he’ll throw his money at you.. then tell you to bring it back to him. It’s what makes the character who he is: he’s cruel, onrey and selfish.. but he CAN care when the chips are down and can do the right thing.. as we’ll see later. 

God I love the little poems Bill Watterson would put in the books. I didn’t as much as a kid, but god I do now. Anyways before our heroes can get going Yukon Ho, they stop in Skagway for suplies before heading out, Scrooge softing at taking a plane as “Soft” and him and the nephews hiking a week.. before running into the same flying service again, and finding out Scrooge OWNS it and forgot, because being scrooge he forgot to take his meds. Something I can relate to and i’m not proud of as staying on them is important to my well being. Seriously always take your meds. Unless their not working for you then talk with your doctor to get new ones. 

So we arrive in Dawson, as our heroes will have to walk rest of the day Scrooge takes the boys to the Black Jack Ballroom, which used to be a hot spot and was where he met Goldie for the first time. After another covering for his reminscing with greedy bollocks, he tells the boys the story.. one that was cut from the original printing despite introducing goldie and something the editors dind’t bother to tell carl till they berated him over trying to sneak a blackjack saloon and a kidnapping in there... and to them, or their long dead skeletons probably, I say. 

Yeah not wanting that in a kids story, while bollocks, tha’ts their perogative.. not having him send in replacement pages to keep story flow.. is dickish and underestimates kids intellegence as Don Rosa, while loving the story felt something was off till he saw the missing pages years later thanks to a fellow fan. So yeah kids, and adults, into the work noticed. Nice job. Again I can’t BLAME them for not wanting Scrooge to be a kidnapper as we’ll see and Don Rosa had to massage the hell out of that, but I can blame them for not caring enough to fix the obvious hole int he story. Though it’s now complete and unabriged and has been since the 80′s so there's that. 

So in a nutshell Scrooge came to town for a coffee, and while the bartender ignored him he didn’t once he plunked down his goose egg nugget, what made his fortune and one of Scrooge’s most treasured possessions. It’s here we meet Goldie. 

Yup.. just in case you thought her being a thief and greedy as hell was a new thing, and I kinda forgot how much, she dirves for the nugget, has Coffee with scrooge.. and drugs it, but makes the mistake of NOT clearing town, so Scrooge fights his way through the ballroom to her, gets the nugget back, forces her to sign the money for the iou he spent.. and then uh.. kindaps her to force her to work on his claim for 50 cents to try and teach her how to work honestly. 

Yeahhhh as I said Don Rosa tried his best to fix this , and did so in his final story, which we’ll get to some day, revealing Goldie had a shot gun on her the whole time and was going along entirely to find out where Scrooge’s claim was. That.. actually makes more sense with the character and is far less horrifying and Scrooge finds this out fairly quick, so them forming an attraction out of this becomes 100% more plausable. So yeah good on Don Rosa for fixing the implications here. I may give out on him from time to time.. but he is a genuinely talented writer and did what a good comic book writer in an established continuity should do: update elements so they aren’t so... eugguuhhh after they become horrifingly outdated. And look YES she did do horrible shit to him.. but you still can’t kidnap someone over that. just put her in jail. What was any of that. 

Anyways Scrooge HAS been taking his medicine, and proves it by showing the boys his pills and the next day they head to Scrooge’s old claim.. only someone’s living there and using it, and his old cabin.. and a shot gun. Yeah so they aren’t getting through in the day what about the night.. well they get attacked by Blackjack, who turns out to be owned by the claim jumper.. and is also you know a bear> And Donald left his back in new quackmore so their outmatched. 

So outgunned and outplanned, if not outnumbered or outmanned, our heroes make a camp fire and whiel Donald again suggests the obvious, call the police.. Scrooge can’t. He didn’t pay taxes on the claim so he’s technically jumping his own claim and techincally she has a right to it. So techncially.. Scrooge is the bad guy here as he left the money here, didn’t pay his taxes and didn’t ever come back for it. Still beats trying to terrify your nephews or deny orphans a train because your an asshole buffet. 

So the next morning Scrooge dosen’t want to rush her because “We Daren’t Get Rough with an old woman”. Two things.. 1... think before you put images in my head scrooge.. brrrrrrrrr. I mean Goldie. is not in the best shape in thie story as you’ll see and neither are you. In the reboot sure you two kept up a lot better but here.

And it’s not even an old people thing. Ann Margret was still fine so fine by the time of Grumpy Old Men, not to get creepy jut to prove i’m not being ageist. For a still alive example Keith David is also still a smokeshow at the tender age of 64. So yeah, not an age thing just not these paticular old people. 

But they need a plan so the boy suggest luring the bear into a trap with honey. Donald and Scrooge build the cage while the boys.. find the jar of honey. 

Regardless since the boys won’t do it for what Scrooge pays and neither will donald Scrooge goes to lure the bear with the honey. Once that’s done, and Scrooge is being covered with honey and licked by a bear...

So while he washes that off, the boys come up with another plan: they run around back while Donald makes noise to draw Goldie’s fire, with that being Dewey’s plan to meet her since he’s figured this out already. But Goldie has a backup plan and when she figures out they disabled Blackjack unleashes mosquitos... ugh. Having been stung like hornets about 50 times in animal crossing I feel you boys. So while Scrooge and Donald run off naked... troy if you will. 

Thank you Troy, the boys confront Goldie who reveals her identity... and that she’s broke, her dance hall having failed with the rush and this claim being all she has.. and her suspecting scrooge woudl gladly take it. The boys vow not to tell scrooge.. but he’s on his way so they kinda have to and he primps to go visit and Donald starts to see through his BS about collecting the debt. Sure enough despite being taken aback by her putting on her old dress , he takes her for all she has and is.. genuinely suprised as she thought she’d have more and she’d actually changed since the old days, donating her profits to orphans from mining disasters. Scrooge.. is clearly rattled by this. Whiel it turns out to my shock he was clealry after the money, though givne who we’re dealing with I shoudln’t of been really, he still cares and still realizes he’s being kind of a dick. So he challengers her to a gold digging race, and if she wins the claim is hers and any gold she finds.. and naturally, while he seemingly puts her soemwhere where there isn’t she finds the claim and Scrooge bemoans not taking his pill.. but while the boys boo him for it, Goldie who fondly waves them off and Donald know better: Donald points out he counted the pills this morning.. and recently. SCrooge DID take one today... he’s just has his cane shoved firmly up his ass with pride so he coudln’t ADMIT he was wrong and instead simply staged that whole thing with the full knowledge Goldie would win. It, again, sets up one of his defniing traits; how he keeps people at arms length. How he’s just so proud and full of himself he can’t bear to admit anything resembling weakness.. but WILl find a way to do the right thing without that or forgoe it as a last resort. He may project being a stingy cretionus old man.. because he is.. but he’s got a heart as big as that nugget.. it’s just locked tight in it’s own bin... his body is complicated and weird that way Final Thoughts:

This story is a classic with a decent setup, great backstory for scrooge, and a great guest character and unquestionable impact on the character. However.. it does have it’s problem; As Don Rosa, who as i’ll remind you is both a huge barks fanboy and huge scoldie shipper, himself pointed out he wrote his final story, and had planned to for years ENTIRELY because this one never quite explains how Scrooge and Goldie went from old enmies to lovers.It did lead to one of his best stories and one of the first I read post life and times so, props to that. And of course as I pointed out some things have just.. not aged well, especially the kidnapping so their relationship kinda comes off like stockholm syndrom as a result of both of these. 

That being said.. warts and all.. it’s still a really damn good story and a good one to try if your intrested in barks work or where Goldie came from: it has adventure, some really good jokes and if you can get past the dated bits the plot is solid. And while it goes without saying i’ll say it anyway Barks art is goregous as always ESPECIALLY in the flashback sequence. Overall not the best AGED Scrooge story, though not the worst either see Voodoo Hoodoo, good god, but defintely a classic for a reason.  If you liked this review, follow me for more, and for more duck content as I still have more of the three cablleros to work through, another chapter of life and times coming up this week befor ewe break again for feburary, and some other fun stuff. Until the next rainbow, it’s been a pleasure. 

[victorie552onepiecespeedrun]

Watching One Piece: Buggy’s Crew Adventure Chronicles

Episodes: 46 – 47

Thoughts:

- I did a list of pre time-skip episodes I want to watch before I continue with the manga (I left Straw Hats alone to train for 2 years) and I decided to start with cover stories. There are 3 cover stories in anime straight plus one 5-minute long special. I’ll do Buggy’s story here, then Jango’s special, then Coby-Meppo’s one (hopefully in one sitting, they’re not long). AND THEN I’ll do Straw Hats Separation, it’s a little longer. Then I’ll go with filler arcs, TV specials and so on. I’m not even attempting to do them chronologically, so throw your expectations of that through the window

- Before we start, does everyone know what a cover story is? It’s those first pages before every chapter that most mangakas use as a cover to make pretty art of their characters that doesn’t need to make sense, just needs to look pretty (it’s what every artist wants). Oda does it too sometimes, but because Oda is a one mad lad, he started using these first pages/covers to tell little stories he can’t put in main manga because it’s already 1000 chapters long, something something about flow of the story, and his editors would cry.

Cover story usually tells us what happened to side characters in the arc we ended some time ago. Oda likes to show these characters few hundreds chapters later (again, mad lad), along with their free character development they got in their cover stories, so if you’re like me and tend to skip covers, you can be very surprised when you see these characters again, quite changed for apparently no reason. But if you read them, it really makes characters feel more real and nuanced and the One Piece World bigger.

Moral of the story: read cover stories, they’re canon, they’re fun and it pays off.    

- alright, actual topic of this post: Buggy’s side story. I admit that I didn’t even notice the story on my first read and was a little surprised when I saw Buggy with Aldiva in Logue Town working together. Still, when I finally read it, I found I like it. It’s simple and makes sense. I wonder how they did it in anime

- putting the actual episode on at last

- ew, creepy ads. How many Polish 12-years do they think watch anime. I didn’t even know what anime was at that age (which is funny cause everyone watched Sailor Moon then)

- ARITTAKE NO YUME WO KAKI ATSUME

- so that’s how a morning at Going Merry looked like. They’re still going to Grand Line here, all five of them

- children :D

- ah, Buggy mention

- “What do think happened to Buggy?” “He probably drown or something” LUFFY

- they really feel like a family here

- finally, star of the show is here

- SMOL

- Buggy vs. Animals :D

- at least now Buggy knows he’s not tasty

- It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s… It’s Captain Buggy, sounding like a plane, thrown by a bird to another island!

- showdown of the century I don’t care about

- just shot him, come on

- and now they’re friends. Shounen, man

- huh, it’s pretty philosophical all of the sudden. Drinking at the midnight just feels different

- lol, they don’t know they talk about the same person (Luffy). Waiting for explosion

- aww

- lol

- Alvida to the rescue!

- hah, Luffy unites people, even when they hate him :D

- so the “Straw Hats arguing in their sleep” is from that episode? I saw it in gifs!

- that crab made me feel things

- HAMIDASHITA KIMOCHI TSUNAGARA NAKUTE I love that ending

- Alvida acquired, now to find the crew

- with the crew

- lol

- but aww, they miss Buggy

- funeral

- haha, the King is dead, long live the King! Now they’re fighting who will be new Captain

- the Lion won. Honestly, how. They really are clowns

- ambushed by locals, about to be eaten. This isn’t a successful leadership, Richie

- aww, Buggy found and saved them

- BUGGY ISN’T SMOL ANYMORE

- more saving

- and now they’re together :)

To Loguetown!

Pre time-skip Anime Index

[ice-feast]

Apple Opinions, Empyre: Aftermath

I'm really glad we got this extra issue for Empyre. I enjoyed the last one, but definitely thought it needed a wrap-up issue. Just to trim the loose ends, add some shading, little bit of polish, etc. I'm glad Ewing got the time to do this aftermath issue!

Jeezy Creezy POOR ANELLE.

I'd be interested to know who wrote that initial dialogue between Anelle and R'kll - was it Oliveira, and Ewing used it, or did Ewing write it for Oliveira? My gut says Oliveira, given the Shakespearian vibes of it all, but maybe I'm selling Ewing short here. Either way, loved seeing the continuation of that scene - though again my main take away was JEEZY CREEZY POOR ANELLE.

Evil Grandma favours a tits out look and I must say, I don't hate it.

Kaplan-Altman waaaaah :')

My boys... Once they were awkward teens who could barely hold hands on panel... And now they are married... To each other... My boys...

Is the green cowl thing going to be a permanent addition to Billy's outfit? I Would Be Cool With That. Just a cute little reference to Teddy. (It reminds me of the thing in She-Ra, where marriage is signalled by wearing each other's clothing).

Prince-Consort AND Court Wizard, Billy getting that double pay cheque

I already made a post about Kree McKelvie and Skrull Gillen but god do I love it. Hanging out with Heineburg and Cheung! The main writers of the Young Avengers! Gillen's clearly making bad jokes again!! We Love To See It

The writers are Skrull, the artists are Kree, IS THAT ANTHONY OLIVEIRA WITH THE GLASSES I hope it’s him that would Bode Well

ELIIIIII he didn't get a single line ELI IS HERE!!

I literally just noticed Rebecca and Jeff up there in the crowd shot with Billy and Teddy aaaaaaah Ewing and Schiti sure know how to give to the fans huh

My main issue with this issue: lack of Loki content :'( Why does Marvel consistently forget that Loki had a relationship with the Young Avengers :'( They made him feel guilt and that was the catalyst for his character change :'( Only Oliveira gives me the Billy and Loki interactions that give me the serotonin I crave :'(

(Wife suggested it's because Loki generally doesn't fare well in rooms of superheroes, which is fair, but also... Loki content :'( )

(Just had the thought: Empyre has clearly been in planning stages for AGES, maybe the intention was that Loki's solo series wouldn't be unjustly cancelled and so he would be busy doing his own thing at this point in canon?)

(Either way, Loki is absolutely going to turn up later to bestow his blessings/annoy the shit out of the happy couple, this is my headcanon, You Cannot Change This)

Carol's hot sister is the new Accuser hell yes Teddy fill your court with gays

(I always figured Mar-vell was dead by the time Mary-Jo made it to Earth? That's what I'm sticking with, I've written way too much of my Mary-Jo fic to go back and change that)

It's Not A Wedding Without A Fight ����

Thank GOD for whatever Marvel editor remembered Roberto is Black and is enforcing this

Their New Avengers team :') Champagne robot callback :')))))

I love Kate Bishop. I love her so much.

Does Tommy have a mullet now

Tommy has a mullet now

What FOOLS we were not to think Tommy would have a mullet!!!

That shot of Billy and Teddy with their teams... Get that tattooed on my forehead... The Found Family of it all...

I STILL think Kl'rrt should GET WRECKED for killing Mary-Jo but reassigning him for diplomacy is a more in character punishment from Teddy. Still. Get FUCKED Kl'rrt.

I'm gonna assume the Ominous Foreshadowing bit at the end is a reference to the Infinity War briefly mentioned in Ewing's New Avengers? The important thing is that I don't spy Billy or any of the other YA in the corpse pile, so we're good. An worried about the sword though :(

Overall:

Thank you Ewing for this Content, I miss Loki, I'm so glad to finally see Teddy acknowledged as the Big Fucking Deal he is?? I hope this isn't the last we see of our boys in 2020, and that next time Tommy gets a line...

Empyre was 9.9/10, highly recommend, may have to go sub to Guardians of the Galaxy for that Ewing content, reminded me of why I love Marvel comics in the first place, -2 for the lack of Loki but +1.9 for making me actually care about Reed Richards

Long live Space Gays! 🏳️‍🌈💫🏳️‍🌈🌌

[yall-hate-kids-tourney]

Round 3: Chara Dreemurr (Undertale) vs. Jason Todd (DC)

Propaganda below the cut

Chara Dreemurr (?):

They were constantly blamed for killing all of monster kind in the no mercy route, despite players choosing to go that route. People ignored that they sacrificed themselves to attempt to free the monsters from the underground.

----

everyone wants to blame their own actions (genocide route) on chara, who is a literal child. i don’t know how to tell you this but you are the one playing the game. it’s about YOUR CHOICES. chara is there is punish you for that, you killed the only family that ever loved them! how could they not be upset at that! also if you don’t mind, here’s a good video essay on the subject 

Jason Todd (~12):

Most of the Tumblr fandom likes this guy but if you step outside this website then wham so many people say he got what he deserved as a kid and Batman can't be cool if he's a dad so it's important for Batman to trash-talk his dead child constantly so we can all agree what a bad idea it was. Also wanna highlight that a lot of the records we have from fans at the time were clear they disliked Robin for BEING a child. Like a lot of the little dude characters in this tournament are treated too harshly for making an ugly choice and the fans aren't being understanding or sympathetic that the choice is made by a child character who is immature and not developed and strong enough to make a good choice and stuff. But THIS little dude was specifically hated FOR being a child. People wanted tough loner guy Batman not Batdad and his little buddy. The first Robin would drive back from college and guest star sometimes and be advertised as the Teen Wonder and people were like yeah okay but then Batman actually starts being a single parent for a child with needs and people were like UGH not the BOY Wonder. Today pretty much everywhere you see Batman fans saying Batman is better solo, no kid, it's not realistic to have a kid, a kid shouldn't be in the movies blah. Even if the comics they always find a way to send away the new kid so that Batman never has to parent. So all the Robins are being excluded from the narrative but I think this one is THE symbol of Batman fans hating a child character just for being a child.

-

Robin, Jason Todd, THE hated child character. In the 1980s, Batman comics had become increasingly dark and gritty. According to editor O'Neil himself, the courted audience wasn't kids but 19-40 year old men with disposable income. Batman's child sidekick, Robin, was offensively campy and childish. Fans called him wimpy, annoying, dumb, bratty, etc. Also people complained that Batman acting like an affectionate dad was unmanly and gay. Robin acts violent and emotional and people are like "ew he's so childish and emotional"—and then Batman literally acts just as murderously and emotionally within literally the same exact story and people are like "wow he's so dark and tortured". So in 1988 (after brutalizing Batgirl to get rid of her for being too bright and nice and kid-friendly), DC held a paid poll for fans to vote for Robin to live or die. O'Neil claims he heard a fan (a grown man with a dayjob as a lawyer) programmed a phone to spam kill votes. One fanguy claimed that he sold his Mercedes to buy kill votes (probably an exaggeration but still). By less than 1% margin, the vote decided to kill Robin in a spectacularly violent way. Anyway the 1989 Batman movie brought in a huge wave of new child comicbook fans who liked the new Robin (a very cool teenage high school Robin with a driver's license and a girlfriend), and DC started a separate Robin-less Batman series called Legends of the Dark Knight to make the anti-Robin writers and fans happy. But to this day, many fans agree it was a good idea to kill off the other Robin so that his foolish death reminds other characters to never be childish and stupid again. Bonus: the current Robin (usually a traumatized 10-year-old) has also been facing some pretty loud hatred for over 15 years.

[gunsatthaphan]

50 questions tag!

I got tagged by @soiledtaste​ thank you!!!! 🥰💫

Literally no one cares about this nor will read all of it lmaoo but I’m bored so here we go!! 💕

what color is your hairbrush?: green & orange (i have 2 lol)

name a food you never eat: blue cheese ew

are you typically too warm or too cold?: I’m literally always hot and I hate it.

what were you doing 45 minutes ago?: watching a yt documentary 

what’s your favorite candy bar?: Snickers! 

have you ever been to a professional sports game?: yes, I’ve been to a basketball game and to a few soccer games.

what’s the last thing you said out loud?: ??? I think I said “okay” to my mom lol

what’s your favorite ice cream?: melon & banana 💫 

what was the last thing you had to drink?: fanta

do you like your wallet?: Yes I love it, I’ve had it forever though and I’m about to buy a new one (concludes the fact that no one cares about skjdh)

what’s the last thing you ate?: a slice of bread

did you buy any new clothes last weekend?: yes, a new jacket

what’s the last sporting event you watched?: probably the soccer world cup 2 years ago lmao

what is you favorite flavor of popcorn?: sweet

who’s the last person you sent a text to?: my classmate from Chinese class bc of homework lol

ever go camping?: yes, I used to go camping every year with my family when I was younger 💓 

do you take vitamins?: I used to but currently no.

do you go to church every sunday?: no, I’m not religious. 

do you have a tan?: I WISH but I’m the whitest white bread ever lol 

do you prefer chinese or pizza?: wow...... why would you make me choose. Love both can’t decide... 

do you drink soda through a straw?: nope

what color socks do you usually wear?: black, blue or white

do you ever drive above the speed limit?: more than I care to admit...

what terrifies you?: deep waters

look to your left, what do you see?: a stack of papers and my airpods.

what chore do you hate the most?: doing the dishes.

what do you think of when you hear an australian accent?: troye sivan

what’s your favorite soda?: coke ;) 

do you go in fast food places or just hit the drive thru?: I rarely go to fast food places but if I do I always use the drive thru.

what’s your favorite number?: 7 I think? idk why

who’s the last person you talked to?: my mom

favorite cut of beef?: oof i have no idea. I’ll eat anything as long as it’s tender I guess.

last song you listened to?: Speechless - Rachel Platten

last book you read?: Ari & Dante 

can you say the alphabet backwards?: nah

favorite day of the week?: Friday

how do you like your coffee?: black with a few shots of milk 

favorite pair of shoes?: my old ass sneakers I’ve had for 432 years lol

time you normally get up?: Around 7am when I have to work, around 11am when I’m free. 

sunrise or sunsets?: sunsets

how many blankets on your bed?: one

describe your kitchen plates?: white lol.

describe your kitchen at the moment?: not the biggest and a bit cluttered but usually very clean. 

do you have a favorite alcoholic drink?: i only drink red wine, every other type of alcohol makes me sick lol. 

do you play cards?: i used to when I was younger but not anymore.

what color is your car?: pastel-purple-y (not to flex but my car is the prettiest lol)

can you change a tire?: I WISH

your favorite state/province/county/etc.?: in my own country: anything in the north really, in another country: San Diego County, CA & Bretagne, France 

favorite job you’ve had?: working as an editor at a movie production company. It was just an internship for university but it’s been my favorite job so far. 

how did you get your biggest scar?: had a bike accident when I was 9 and got a scar on my knee

this was fun, thanks for tagging me!!!! 💫

I’m tagging: @emisfritish @sashitaka @lostinbl @sarawatism @gulfkanawut @tharntypesupportclub @nakyngs @maddiesup @earthpodd @thehuns-bubble-tea @nieves-de-sugui @dollopheadsandclotpoles @sunmorkcafe @bl-crossingtheline @zeejade88 and everyone else who wants to do it! 

(I’m aware this is super long so pls feel free to ignore it haha)

xxx 💓

[calamariimpossible]

Magicians on the internet, crypto, and the email that broke me.

This is a continuation of a twitter thread that Muz (@mzkrx) started to write out in his car but then when he plotted out his thoughts, it made more sense to him to put it down in a blog format rather than a thread. You'll find out why as you read through.

Stuck in the car for half an hour so I'm gonna do a thread (Editor's note: Now a whole-ass blog post) about a strange email I got recently.

So I was casually watching magic tricks on YouTube. the funnest part of which to me is reading the comments. YouTube commenters love explaining how they think the trick is done and it's fun to read through their theories and connect dots between similar tricks, etc.

And then one time as I was scrolling I noticed a comment that didn't make sense. It was a string of an almost sentence. Intelligible enough to not be random words but odd enough to read like a trigger phrase for something.

The closest I can describe it as is like the string Zemo used to wake up the Winter Soldier, but with some syntax to it. Like "many thermos wiggle throughout exotic harbinger of circle ascending fuchsia entrapment".

Initially I thought nothing of it, but then I kept seeing them in these magic trick video comment sections. They're never the same string, and it's always under magic trick videos. from different channels even.

Hmmm.

The profiles that posted these comments are also always blank accounts with zero videos and no profile pic. Just their name. I felt like it was too much of a coincidence for these comments to only be under magic trick videos.

I also knew that the world of performance magic is thick with secrets. That is to say, there is deliberate obfuscation of information whenever you try to go online to find out how a trick works.

Magicians get together online and share information with each other just like performers of every other sort as well but the amount of code and doublespeak they use is an order of magnitude more annoying to decipher compared to say, an engineering message board or a gamedev forum.

Knowing that, I thought maybe this almost parsable gibberish I keep seeing everywhere was also some kind of code these people were using to talk to each other.

So I started investigating.

First things first, let's just Google one of the phrases. Maybe that's enough?

And it sorta was.

Pasting them onto the search bar lent me to only 1 result (wild!) and it was a website that looked really dank. Like geocities dank. Annoying neon colours and badly margined jpegs of tarot card images everywhere and a big bold header text that said something to the effect of:

"Congratulations, you've found our hidden message. This portal is only for those seeking knowledge beyond what is on the surface. Continue below."

* * *

I haven't been doing well. I feel like I say that too much. I say it on Patreon, on my personal podcast, whenever any of my friends ask me how I'm doing, pretty much everywhere. I feel very heavy. I understand I'm not the only one feeling like this during a pandemic.

Duh.

But I have this other version of worry that I can't quite articulate until right now: I'm scared I won't be funny anymore. Anwar and Farid can attest that even during our recordings I don't feel up to being funny. I question my jokes a lot. I barely enjoy telling them. I'm worried I'm letting everyone down.

To me, silliness and absurdism as virtues only make sense when the world has trace amounts of injustice and wrongness that training ourselves to see it in our everyday helps us remind ourselves of what is just and fair. The more we consume silliness, the more we are able to recognize silly and point it out. So we don't ignore it when things go wrong, so we talk about it, manage it. So we can take care of each other.

Maybe I can't be sure if we're all up for taking care of each other right now.

* * *

"Continue below" seems instructive, but it wasn't. Like I mentioned, the margins were haphazard and the CSS was all over the place. Some jpegs were straight up cropped off.

Meaning I can't be sure what "below" meant. But there were clickable images and text so I was readily intrigued.

It was tantalizing. Did I stumble into some secret order of Extremely Online Magicians? Maybe I'll finally find out why there aren't many female magicians out there. Maybe it's some sort of secret initiation to a secret message board full of secrety secrets. Secretly.

Y'all.

I didn't click on any of the linked images or anything. I closed the tab. That was the end of that.

An earlier version of myself would gladly run headlong into this rabbit hole to find out more and sink hours into some goddessforsaken labyrinth of links. But the current version of me recognizes this for what it almost certainly is: an abandoned roleplaying game.

Back in the early 00s when the internet was the realm of nerds and nerds only, it was full of people who loved sharing things for sharing's sake. It used to be punk rock to maintain a blog that only talked about snails or have a lo-fi YouTube channel that uploads biweekly 3-minute news about your house, or manage a little message board where people roleplay as wizards who rummage around the net looking for clues.

That last part was a thing I remember being actively involved in. In '03, a group of online friends and I wrote up a scavenger hunt of sorts where we sent people through various blog pages that we have where the goal is to just dick around and have fun. We wasted each other's time for sure. Hundreds of hours of it for literally no gain at all but for some laughs and fun memories.

The internet isn't like that anymore. People don't share something online for sharing anymore. Not really. There's this idea that if you put stuff out there, you want people's attention because numbers are good. You get a lotta reblogs and RTs and Likes which means people Like you.

If you don't have a lotta numbers, you don't matter. If you do, everyone has to talk about what you said or did because it's 'News' now.

Isn't that kinda gross, you think? That we need people to interact through an app to be sure that we're Liked? I say "we" but I mean me. I've successfully poisoned my brain to believe this to a certain extent too and it's not good.

I felt myself physically react when I closed that geocities magician website tab. I shuddered because my brain went from "this is cool" to "I gotta let people know I found this" to "this'll get me hella RTs" to "ew Muz why did you think that" within 3 seconds and I was disgusted with myself.

As a dude who started my online presence on YouTube and parlayed it into my real life comedy/writing career, I've believed for a long time that doing good work and putting it out there is what it takes for a working creative to make it because that's what I did. So there's this idea that making stuff and having it be seen is some kind of virtuous.

But it's not anymore. People pick fights with children for clout. Newspapers post about people's tweets as if its important. People are investing in crypto, a thing that literally only exists as electrical waste on a grand scale. We're boiling the oceans to yell at each other over nothing and exchange bits of code everyone agrees has ever-rising value but doesn't. Everyone is making and eating junk, it feels like.

So am I making junk? Have I just been making useless junk for literally over a decade now? Is that what I've been good for this entire time?

* * *

So the email.

It was a response from a company I applied to for a job. I applied as a creative writer and they're an advertising agency.

Receiving emails from a prospective employer when you're in need of a job is exciting! So soon after I applied, too. Wonderful. Here's what it said:

We just received your application today but would love to extend the opportunity for you to participate in the Case Competition as a prerequisite of your job application for Creative Writer position with [REDACTED] and stand a chance to be a winner for cash awards up to a total worth of RM1,800.

Yea.

They want me to enter a competition where I compete with other candidates to get a chance of being hired.

This company saw how many people applied for a job with them, and decided to dangle some cash and throw it over the fence to see which candidate will fight for it the most.

I didn't expect to feel vomitous after reading an email but that did it. I almost dry heaved. That's where we are now.

Recruiters see a glut of applicants and decided to play Fall Guys. These people watch Istana Takeshi and think Takeshi is the good guy. It hurts. It hurt me. That email caused me pain.

I can't at all empathise with recruiters who think this was okay to do. They really believed that creative writers will do a little dance for them just for money.

Look, I know we all need to eat. But I can also hate that people undervalue the work of creatives to this painful extent.

I don't give a shit about earning a lot of dough. I just wanna make things that tickle people. I want you to smile more.

That's the whole point of that weird little YouTube comment that led to the quirky website. That's the whole idea of making silly videos and dumb tweets and memes. We just want you to laugh.

But it seems people think so little of joy that they'll do whatever they can to avoid legitimately supporting and paying for stuff that gets them through the day. So much so that they want free work from us for the potential of maybe being able to get paid for more work. It breaks me, man.

I hate that I cannot make a living just trying my best to make people happy.

That's the best way I know to take care of you.

I know I don't just 'make junk' for a living. People have messaged me personally that my work has helped them get through tough times in school, in their relationships, at the office and I am eternally grateful that they took the time to tell me that.

I just also wish my feelings about my work aren't easily brought down by the majority of people who insist its worthless. Even if sometimes those people is me.

So forgive me if I won't be funny for a while. I'm gonna need some time to process this. Thank you for reading. I love you.

[larryfanfiction]

Movie! AU

🎬 The Proposal by curlshire (20k)

Louis is a tetchy editor and Harry is his unfortunate assistant. After Louis is threatened with a demotion, he quickly makes plans to fake a marriage to Harry. (Based off the movie The Proposal)

🎬 Supposed to Be by kikikryslee (26k)

“I’m making a movie for a film competition, and I want you to be in it,” Harry told Louis. “I think you would be a great leading actor in it.” “Why?” “Because it’s you. I mean, who wouldn’t want to know all about the amazing Louis Tomlinson? It would be a great movie.” “You don’t have some weird crush or, like, secret obsession with me, do you?” Louis asked. Harry bit his tongue so he didn’t say “Ew, I have standards.” He didn’t think that would go over well. Of course, that was assuming Louis understood what that meant. — Or, the Geek Charming AU where Harry’s a film geek, Louis’ a popular jock, and they both need each other to get what they want.

🎬 If I Should Stay by gloria_andrews (31k)

Louis is a television actor who suddenly needs a bodyguard. Harry is the bodyguard he ends up hiring.

A fic loosely based on the classic 1992 movie The Bodyguard.

🎬 Elysian by wonderlou (81k)

“What could be it, Niall?” Harry asks gently with a sigh. He slouches down further into his chair, crossing his arms lazily across his chest. He is bored. He has been bored for five years straight, but even more so now that his one interest has shut himself out entirely. Harry had not even heard from Louis, not since last night, not since he had gotten on his nerves so much that he was torn between knocking him out and smiling in surrender to the slight awe he felt. Louis is opinionated like no one he’s ever seen, but his voice is honeyed; high-pitched and indignant. Harry is nothing short of entranced.

Or, Harry is running out of time to fall in love, but with Louis, it seems as if there’s all the time in the world.

🎬 Because You Saw Me When I Was Invisible by supernope (32k)

A (not so) loosely-based Princess Diaries AU, in which Harry finds out he’s the heir to the throne of a country he’s never even heard of.

🎬 Dangerous Liaisons by IWillSingWithYou (42k)

Niall is the master of deceit and Harry is the master of seduction. Louis is just a very strong willed male model who happens to be straight. When Niall tells Harry he wouldn’t be able to seduce Louis, the bet is on, but Niall’s schemes are hard to avoid.

🎬 Leave Before The Lights Come On by Velvetoscar (15k)

Louis’ never had a one night stand in his entire twenty-one years of existence. Not once. That is…until now. And OF COURSE this is how it happened.

🎬 Let’s Fall in Love in a Place You Want to Stay by embro (134k)

A George of the Jungle / Tarzan AU where Louis is a model who meets Wild Man Harry in the Congo. He was raised by apes and barely speaks a word of English and turns Louis’ life upside down.

🎬 If You Wanna Try Me On by zimriya (18k)

To be fair, Harry’d been half asleep when Niall convinced him to put in his CV in the first place. Like, Harry wants to be a proper serious journalist–he’s not about to give up that dream in favour of becoming a personal assistant at a fashion magazine, or…whatever. Harry’s not actually all that sure what Tomlinson Styles even is, beyond his ticket to fame or any of the other things Niall’d spouted off at him, but when he shows up for the interview and is unceremoniously shoved into an office with the Tomlinson part of that equation, all Harry can really think about is that he would like to be a Tomlinson-Styles.

…or the Devil Wears Prada AU that no one wanted. Sort of.

🎬 when the city shines (like the sun at night) by fondleeds (37k)

In a different universe, a parallel dimension in which Harry is a braver version of himself, maybe he’d cup the back of Louis’ neck softly and melt their mouths together.

Maybe they’d tread on light feet up to Louis’ room because the house would be empty and they’d just kiss-and-kiss-and-kiss until their lungs burst, and then Harry would press his face into Louis’ neck and whisper I know you’re Blue, and Louis would do the same in turn, breathe that sentiment into Harry’s skin like a relief, and all the bad weight would lift, just the hot pressure of feeling so much remaining.

Love, Simon AU.

🎬 Now In A Minute by thealmightyavocado (150k)

13 feels like yesterday for many people, but for Louis it actually was.

More than anything in the world, Louis Tomlinson dreams of growing up. Simply skipping over all of the awkward, embarrassing years of teenage existence and getting on with life. Real life.

So when thirteen-year-old Louis wakes up in the body of his thirty-year-old self, he expected everything in his adult life to be picture perfect. And maybe it is. He has it all…or so it seems.

Except his favorite person and lifelong best mate, Harry Styles, is totally missing from the equation and Louis doesn’t understand why. He has a lot of catching up to do and as adult life turns out to be more than what he bargained for, Louis can’t help wondering why a life that seemed so perfect, feels so empty.

Or the 13 going on 30 au that should have been done years ago.

🎬 got the sunshine on my shoulders by hattalove (124k)

five years ago, harry styles left his tiny home town to make it big as a recording artist. he didn’t have much regard for what he left behind - a life, a family, and a husband, who woke up one morning to find him gone.

now, harry has everything he could possibly want: he’s rich, famous, and adored by everyone he meets, including his boyfriend. but when said boyfriend proposes to him, he’s forced to face the uncomfortable facts of his past - and louis, who’s spent the last five years returning every set of divorce papers harry sent him.

(or, an au based on the movie sweet home alabama.)

🎬 like cabbages and kings by you_explode (60k)

When Louis was a kid, he had a series of very vivid dreams about a place called Wonderland. There were rabbits wearing waistcoats and talking cats and ridiculous tea parties, and amidst all the absurdity, there was a boy. A boy with dimples, big green eyes and the sweetest soul Louis has ever known. Louis has always kept a place in his heart for that boy and for his funny dreamworld, and when he’s twenty-five and his life falls apart, it turns out Wonderland might not be so imaginary after all.

🎬 You Drive Me Crazy (but it feels alright) by MrsStylinson (102k)

Bridget Jones’ Diary AU.

“Harry is not short for Harold,” he corrects, his voice as thick as molasses. He lowers his eyes to Louis’ sequined lapels, rubbing one between two fingers. “Is this small or extra small? It looks lovely.”

Louis breaks away from his grip with a petulant huff and pushes him back with two fingers.

“You’re mocking me. Again.”

Harry smiles and it’s a real honest swoop of his lips this time. Louis’ stomach swoops with them.

🎬 Just a Walk in the Park by comingbackhometoyou, forehead (124k)

It’s 2015, the first time dinosaurs walked the earth in over 65 million years. The multi-billion dollar company, Twist Corporations, is planning a summer opening for their world changing attraction, “Jurassic Park”.

They take an interest in the history making duo of Dr. Louis Tomlinson, a stubborn paleontologist, and his partner, paleobotanist Dr. Liam Payne, giving them the chance of a lifetime to work for the new theme park. Louis is apprehensive, but Liam has a “gut feeling” that it will change their lives. He isn’t wrong.

Featuring Niall as the top engineer to get the park up and running, Zayn as the raptor expert, and Harry as the grandson of one of the most influential men in the world.

🎬 Drowning In Your Eyes by smittenwithlouis (45k)

“Capt’n Styles, are you certain of this? They be attracted to man-made light.” “What is? Sharks?” The young blonde asks in terror. “Worse than sharks, lad. There’ll be flesh eating mermaids upon us in minutes, mark my words!” Paul huffs as he continues to wave the bright lantern in front of him, “And Captain Styles here, has us bait!” Or: The Pirates of the Caribbean inspired au where Harry is a fierce pirate who holds the heart of a beautiful merman.

🎬 everything that shine ain’t always gonna be gold by sarcasticfluentry (49k)

Inception-inspired AU. Louis Tomlinson is the most respected and skilled extractor in the dream-sharing business; together he and his point man Zayn have been hired countless times to steal hundreds of valuable secrets straight from the minds of CEOs and politicians. One day, a mysterious and wealthy client contacts Louis and Zayn, offering them triple their normal rate in exchange for successfully completing a job that other extracting teams have deemed "impossible.” The one catch is that this client wants the very best - so he’s decided to team Louis’ skills up with those of Louis’ most hated rival, another highly-respected extractor named Harry Styles. Can Louis and Harry work together to complete the job and get the payout, or will they lose their minds along the way?

🎬 Friendly Neighborhood Spideypool by shitucute (18k)

“Don’t fuck with me, I’m not in the mood.” Louis’ got the urge to punch him in the face, but he knows deep down that if anything it’ll just add fuel to Harry’s innuendo fire.

“You know I only fuck you, not with you. There’s a difference. It’s slight but still there.” He’s joking, but it’s sincere in a way that only Deadpool could make it. It gives Louis a strange mix of emotions, his body doesn’t know whether to fill with butterflies or to knee Deadpool in the balls again for insinuating them fucking.

or, Harry is Deadpool and Louis is Spider-Man and they’ve got way too much history

🎬 Paint The Sky With Stars by kiwikero (62k)

On 10 April 1912, Harry Styles boards the finest ship the world has ever seen. Still grieving the death of their mother, he and his sister are being sent to America to live with a callous uncle who cares more about his business connections than family. Harry prepares himself for a long, disappointing voyage alone in his stateroom.

Louis Tomlinson has borrowed and saved, and finally has enough to purchase a Third Class ticket to America. With all of his belongings in a single ruck sack, he boards the Titanic filled with hope for a brighter future. Never one to sit still, he can’t resist exploring the massive ship, and soon goes sneaking into First Class in a stolen steward’s uniform.

By a twist of fate, Louis finds himself in Harry’s stateroom, entranced by the most attractive man he’s ever laid eyes on. He keeps returning day after day, even if he doesn’t understand what it is about Harry that continues pulling him in. That’s all right; Louis has a week to figure it out, and Harry is plenty willing to help.

Except they don’t have a week. They have four days. Because on 15 April, their entire world will be turned upside down.

Or, the historically accurate Titanic AU with a happy ending.

🎬 The Dead of July by whimsicule (117k)

Being an Avenger means continuing to be Captain America and smiling and being honorable for the public and Harry does his best. But it doesn’t give him time to figure out who he is supposed to be once he takes off his uniform and puts the shield to the side. Just being Harry had always involved Louis, and Harry fears he doesn’t know how to exist without him.

or: Harry is Captain America, and Louis’ been dead for 70 years.

🎬 through struggles, to the stars by thedeathchamber (80k)

Louis is a Starfleet captain trying to find his place in the universe. Harry is a prince just trying to do what’s right. A Star Trek-inspired AU.

🎬 Who Painted the Moon Black by throughthedark (95k)

“People died,” Harry whispers so quietly Louis strains to hear. “People died, and I killed some of them. How does life just go on after something like that?”

Louis shakes his head. “I don’t know. It just does.”

Hunger Games AU where Louis Tomlinson is district six’s victor from the 69th Hunger Games and Harry Styles is district seven’s victor from the 72nd Hunger Games.

🎬 It Had To Be You by FullOnLarrie (45k)

Harry and Louis are strangers who share the long drive from Chicago to NYC after college. They don’t have anything in common, don’t get along, and at the end of their trip, they’re both glad to say goodbye.

During a chance meeting five years later, they find that nothing has changed, and they part ways expecting never to see each other again.

Ten years after their post-college road trip, Louis and Harry meet once again, but this time they become friends. Eventually, things get complicated.

A When Harry Met Sally AU.

🎬 Fool’s Gold by freetheankles (55k)

Leaflet for Over Again Inc.

“In relationships, there are three types of people: those who are happy, those who are unhappy but accept it and deal, those who are unhappy and in denial.

Handling this last category is our job: we are professional couple breakers.

To reach our goal, we use all means necessary.”

Or the Arnacoeur AU in which Harry is scheduled to be married to Liam in 10 days and Harry’s mother hires Louis and his team to break them up.

🎬 Light My Fire, Blow My Flame by messofgorgeouschaos (98k)

“In New York, you can be a new man.” Broadway actor Louis Tomlinson has it all. An amazing flat, a wonderful friend group, a Tony under his belt, and the world at his fingertips. Yet there’s one thing that’s missing. And it might be in the shape of the curly haired lawyer who becomes Zayn’s new roommate.

Or, the One Where…. Louis is a Broadway actor, Harry is a newly graduated lawyer, Liam is a radio DJ, Zayn is an English Professor at NYU, and Niall is a music producer. A Friends AU.

🎬 King of wishful thinking by Star_Henderson (38k)

“Don’t umm don’t get on the bus, come inside.” Louis blurted the words out, speaking quickly.

Harry looked startled.

“Just. Look I don’t know if I want..” Louis scrubbed his face with his hand. “I’ll pay for your time. Just come in.”

Harry stepped away from the bus stop and the bus sailed straight past.

“What’s umm what do you guys make these days?”

Harry shuffled his feet. “Depends. Like two hundred an hour.”

Louis hummed. “Reasonable.” He gestured towards the hotel. “Come up for a drink or some room service or something.”

Harry scraped the toe of his already scuffed boots on the floor. “You don’t have to do this, I feel like… like you’re a nice person who feels bad but it’s fine. I get it. You don’t have to make it up to me.”

Louis stared at Harry. It’d been so long since he’d even spoken to a guy let alone hung out with one. He’d enjoyed the banter and the flirting.

“Come up.” Louis’ voice was soft.

Harry’s face bloomed into a smile. “Ok.”

🎬 Supposed to Be by kikikryslee (26k)

“I’m making a movie for a film competition, and I want you to be in it,” Harry told Louis. “I think you would be a great leading actor in it.” “Why?” “Because it’s you. I mean, who wouldn’t want to know all about the amazing Louis Tomlinson? It would be a great movie.” “You don’t have some weird crush or, like, secret obsession with me, do you?” Louis asked. Harry bit his tongue so he didn’t say “Ew, I have standards.” He didn’t think that would go over well. Of course, that was assuming Louis understood what that meant. — Or, the Geek Charming AU where Harry’s a film geek, Louis’ a popular jock, and they both need each other to get what they want.

🎬 The Edge of the Stars by casuallyhl (16k)

Louis laughed. “You think you can convince some random guy to want to go out with me?”

“Oh baby,” Jay chuckled. “I can convince all of the UK to want to go out with you.”

Or, a Meet the Parents AU where Harry is the man of Louis’ dreams, and it’s up to Jay to convince him to date her son.

🎬 Keep on Dreaming, This is Hollywood by popfly (31k)

Louis Tomlinson, a pop star manager, makes his way to LA with a pop star (and his new music demands) and a very busy schedule.

Harry Styles came to Los Angeles with a dream and ended up sharing a flat and an occupation with a male prostitute from Ireland.

What happens when Louis meets Harry, and makes him an offer he can’t refuse?

AKA A Pretty Woman AU where Louis is the high-powered businessman and Harry is the hooker. No, there is no necklace scene, but there is definitely piano sex.

🎬 a promise lives within you now by sarcasticfluentry (45k)

A Lord of the Rings-inspired Middle Earth AU. Louis is an Elven prince, next in line to become King of Mirkwood, and Harry is the orphaned Human boy who grows up alongside him. They fall in love, but Louis’s obligations to the throne, Harry’s mortality, and impending war threaten to tear them apart.

🎬 don’t be afraid, it’s only love by threewhitehorses (14k)

A proposal!AU where Louis is at risk of being deported back to England and Harry just really wants a promotion.

🎬 I won’t be afraid (Just as long as you stand by me) by larrycaring (49k)

Harry leads an ordinary life, and he’s totally okay with it.

So, of course, when it all changes and he learns he is the actual Crown Prince of a whole country he’s never heard of, he doesn’t welcome the news with open arms.

Thankfully, Louis is there by his side, and that? That, will never change.

or a Princess Diaries AU that I just really, really needed to write. No regrets.

🎬 There’s Such a Lot of World to See by crinkle-eyed-boo (125k)

“Why do you keep looking at me like that?” Harry asks, thumbing at Louis’ hip. “Like what?” Louis asks breathlessly. “Like you’ve seen a ghost or summat,” Harry muses. “You did it all the time the other day and you did it just now.” Louis swallows hard, studying him intently. “You remind me of someone,” Louis says softly, tucking a curl behind Harry’s ear. “Someone I lost.”

Louis has seen a great many things throughout his travels in time and space, but only one he can’t explain: He keeps meeting the same boy, who says the same thing to him each time. The boy should be impossible.

Maybe he is.

A love story that defies the boundaries of space and time. Doctor Who AU.

🎬 Music To My Eyes by twoshipstiedup (23k)

A closeted actor and a struggling musician meet one night.

They fall in love.

A Star is Born AU

🎬 After Hours by Velvetoscar (26k)

Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson are the bane of each other’s existences. Unfortunately, they’re already in love–even if they aren’t completely aware of this minor detail.

[A “You’ve Got Mail” AU]

🎬  Simply Irresistible by Rearviewdreamer (12k)

Louis only comes to town to start up a successful restaurant, but finds he can't quite leave once the job is done. Though, that might have more to do with him falling for his quirky neighbor than anything else.

or

A fic loosely based on the movie Simply Irresistible. A silly and funny movie with Sarah Michelle Gellar about witchcraft, cooking, and sex that everybody needs to watch at some point in their lives.

🎬  A Study in Love by Rearviewdreamer (24k)

Louis knows everything about everyone which has put him at a great and weird advantage over nearly all of them since the very beginning. He can solve any puzzle before most people know where to begin. He is rarely perplexed, mistaken, or wrong, and obviously, Louis is never ever surprised. And yet, his new flatmate after a very long string of failed ones has Louis questioning how he ever did any of it without him.