#( development don't mind meeee )

[beyuji]

[ ** tw/cw: allusions to homophobia, mentions of gaslighting, vomit mention ]

                                                                  ( 2012 ) yuji remembers-- she had been surrounded by her friends when a boy approached her. he had a chocolate bar and a single flower with a letter. presented it to her with a smile that made her friends giggle behind and push at her back. yuji remembers smiling, bowing her head and taking the things with given thanks. remembers how excited he had been, her friends had been; remembers talking about it with yubin and her mom that night at dinner. how happy they had been. your first confession, yubin had teased. wow, that’s impressive. 

yuji hadn’t found it impressive. in fact, at the end of it, she just felt bad that she wasn’t excited about it.

she doesn’t tell anyone, but she finds the boy the next day at school and says sorry, but she doesn’t like anyone. he had taken it well, but he avoided her afterwards. yuji remembers thinking it had been for the best. 

                                                                  ( 2014 )  a girl in her class invites her over. a sleepover to celebrate exams finally being over. and it was, in a sense. yuji didn’t know all of them, but the few she did grabbed onto her hands and tugged her down between them to sit in a circle. yuji remembers vividly, sitting there-- tight lipped and staring down at the bottle they’re spinning. tenses when it passes over her and doesn’t breathe until it goes right past her. 

until it doesn’t. 

the boy is nice, at least. he seems just as nervous too-- but not as much as yuji felt in the moment, being led by her friends to a closet and tucked away with a boy she doesn’t even know his name.

he’s nice at least. he kisses her once, twice. they’re simple pecks and it’s-- a kiss. there’s not much to make of it. he doesn’t push much past that and merely just stands there nervously making conversation as yuji smiles and nods, fingers curled into the hem of her skirt so he doesn’t see how they shake. saves face until they’re freed from the closer so yuji can dart out and escape to the bathroom. 

she’s hunched over the toilet, feeling sick to her stomach and low, low, low--  scrambling to dial her sister to come pick her up because she’s going to throw up.                                                                   ( 2015 ) 

she’s new. they’re assigned course mates so yuji can help the new student settle. she’s kind, nervous in a way that yuji finds endearing. it all falls in place after that; walls become knocked down and she slides her way in through yuji’s defenses. becomes something precious and close-- uttered secrets and dreams and goals yuji wouldn’t say in the same room as her family. 

it starts gradually, then it comes all at once. stuttered breaths and hands held outside of seeing eyes. lingering touches and longing stares, whispers and shared breaths under the guise of why not? it was easy. it was thrilling. it’s a euphoria that yuji clings to and thinks is far better than the monochrome of daily life and being held at unbearably high expectations. 

it’s yubin and yuji in the car when she brings it up. when she lays her heart bare for support, for blessing, for reassurance that hey, you’re okay. 

she’ll never forget the shadow that crosses her older sister’s face. her hesitation and the avoidance of her eyes. the start of shame that curls in her gut and makes her shy away. yubin doesn’t outright shun her away, but the words i wouldn’t bring this up to father ring in her ears. the tension in the car is so thick, but yuji doesn’t say a single word on the way back.

she doesn’t bring it up to father. yuji doesn’t bring it up to anyone. leaves it precious and secret, safe kept between yuji and her. in a world of their own, there are no worries. it feels good to be. 

it’s a heart that begins to beat. it’s eyes that begin to see. it’s dreams that begin to become unveiled. and yuji is only human. young and impressionable and rebellious and wanting. 

she falls and she falls. until she’s grasping at the walls and trying to claw herself out.                                                                   ( 2016 ) it’s the shame she remembers. shame and fear-- under the stare of her father and her frozen body sitting next to her. both silent, waiting for the break. waiting for the storm to come. yuji’s eyes are seeking her out of her peripherals but her eyes are on the ground. staring. unmoving. head bowed in shame. two in the same. 

the disappointment in her father’s stare. the impassive expression on his face but his eyes pinned them still. they said everything, they didn’t say enough. 

i wouldn’t bring this up to father, yubin’s words echo in her ears. now she understands why. their father has never been scary, not before; but now, yuji is terrified. held down in place by a stare that’s filled with disappointment, incredulity and disgust that’s clear as day. 

her father’s always had a way with words. yuji can’t ever recall a time where he’s raised his voice, but he speaks sometimes in a way that’s biting. both tone and choice of phrasing. he’s always known the best ways to get under her skin-- the best way to make her feel as terrible as he wants her to feel.

she doesn’t look at yuji. when her father dismisses her, yuji’s left staring at her back. there are no words, no hesitation-- just dismissal and easy obedience. it makes yuji angry. makes her sick to her stomach. 

you’re not that kind of girl. you’ll thank me later.  you know better, don’t you? that’s not normal. 

                                                           it was real to me. and even when she avoids yuji’s stares. tugs her hands away when yuji pulls her aside days later and asks her why. hears the same iteration of words her father had carved into her memory. it feels even worse hearing out of her mouth. yuji isn’t certain this is love, but her heart certainly feels shattered like is should be when she walks off and leaves her. it’s twice now, to watch her back while yuji feels like the ground’s been pulled out beneath her feet. it’s not what we want, she says. it was just a phase, right. we don’t know what we’re doing. 

frustration scratches at her insides. anger and irritation-- feeling at her breaking point of being fed up with people telling her what she’s supposed to feel. she’s always expected to smile and bow her head in compliance. but she’s sick of it.

                                                                  ( 2019 )

yuji tries not to think about her. she learns to smile convincingly, even if her nails are biting holes into her palms to keep her true face at bay. she does what she’s asked of her and nothing more, nothing less. takes the freedom when it’s given and tastes the fresh air on her own, for the first time. without the intimidating stare of her father or the controlling clutches of her mother.

she doesn’t think about her and everything that’s happened. not until she has to-- not until she’s forced to. it happens, though, for the better or for the worse. it isn’t much, but it’s enough.

all it takes is a cross of paths. she doesn’t even see yuji at first, but yuji certainly sees her. she remembers her smile, the curve of her eyes and the slope of her nose. remembers the blush on her cheeks and the sound of her laughter in her ears. it’s music, a melody yuji will never forget. 

and it’s hard to not look away, especially when she’s smiling and laughing, hands intertwined with someone yuji doesn’t know. it hurts even more that it’s a boy, and it hurts twice as much when she catches yuji’s gaze and holds it for a moment.

it’s recognition. it’s fear. it’s regret, and for a moment it’s longing.  it’s a lot of things that both make yuji want to sink into the ground and disappear, and run forward towards her. 

and then it’s nothing. she breaks her gaze and turns her back. this time, it doesn’t hurt as the first and second time. it’s expectation, no matter how disappointing. it’s closure. a final page as the book closes.                                                         ( it will always be real to me. )

[vateo]

i just wanted to address the GW2 Warp/AI stuff thats been floating around today as my name has come up a few times and i felt like i should say something at least. i'm a quiet person and tend to keep to myself so bare with meeee

Straight to it: I would never, and will never, consent to my art being used to train any sort of AI model. I had zero idea about anything going on with GW2 Warp, its developers, or the Discord (I honestly barely even knew what a GW2 Warp was). I'm vehemently anti-AI art and wont be changing my mind any time soon for as long as the ethics surrounding it are non-existent. it's that shrimple 🦐

i have so much more to say about AI-art but i just don't have the energy for it for the time being. creatives, creative-works-enjoyers - just remember to support, love, and lift up one another. it's the best we can do for each other

ok that's it love you all more art soon ❤️

[batchilla]

Most Married Divorced couple timeline and other fun stuff.

This post will be updated as it needs to be updated.

I recently received some feedback that the third chapter of The Most Married Divorced couple caused some minor confusion, and so! a timeline to help make it clear what happens when is now being created! I also included fun facts about the series and my writing quirks because I am desperate for people to talk to meeee.

I have the full version, but this post will reflect the currently released works, or works that I can fit in spoiler free, such as the flashbacks, which are of course all prior to the main fic and can be read as stand alone if you so choose to just ignore their doomed future haha.

Purple titles are linked - let me know if I forget to link any of them!

Five times Robin rescued you and one time he didn't. (no link as not yet out)

This was a confusing one to fit in, as I would say that technically complicated exists somewhere in the middle of the many rescues, but I settled on first as it includes you meeting Jason.

the five as of this stage of development are:

the first time

the creation of your desert arrangement

the first time he drops you off at home

Complicated would occur loosely here

followed by the remaining rescues which I am keeping close to my chest.

Complicated

This could be read as a stand alone, but it is intended as the first kiss of this particular reader and Jason. It takes place shortly before Jason's death, maybe a year or two prior. While I never set an age in stone for the reader, I would imagine them to be mid to early teens.

We then experience a time-skip of several years.

Chapter one of The most married divorced couple

Till death do us part.

This fic occurs with no set age in mind for the reader or Jason, but you are settled into a apartment, and your daughter Mary is three years old, so I had imagined her as mid to late twenties or so, but you do not have to of course!

Chapter two of The most married divorced couple

Four years later

We skip forward four years into your divorce. Those of you with your smartie pants on will know this puts Mary as around seven years of age. This, for the majority of the time, is considered the 'main' time period, with anything before being a flashback. While I tried to make this clear, I will say it more plainly here because I am talking as me and it is easier to communicate this more bluntly out of the story:

Jason had zero contact post divorce with the reader or Mary until the events of chapter three; two years of utter silence. After the events of chapter three, while officially no changes in the custody arrangement were made, during the two years between three and two, Jason has come over as we see him do in 'four years later', or been present at places he could plausibly ran into you.

Chapter three of The Most married divorced couple

Jason comes home.

Despite what I just said about the main timeline, chapter three is an immediate flashback to the first time Jason returned after two years of total silence. Simply put this is two years AFTER till death do us part and two years BEFORE four years later. Or, for those of us keeping track by Mary's age, when she is five.

Chapter four of The Most married divorced couple

Churros, Coffee, hard Conversations, and Custody. (no link at this time because it isn't out yet)

a sneak peak of the unreleased chapter? in this economy? more likely then you think.

Jason wakes up on your couch, the morning after the events of Four Years Later, and after spending the morning as close as your heart can take to as a proper family would, with Mary, (once again aged seven for those keeping up that way) off to school, a very important, very sad, rather heated discussion must be had.

FUN FACTS

I, when writing x readers, try to avoid having the reader described as walking or running anywhere as I am a wheelchair user irl, and it often breaks immersion for me. No hate to writers who don't, its not a failing on your part, but I hope my fellow wheelchair girlies feel seen! I don't have her explicitly in a wheelchair, because I feel that it wouldn't represent most of my readers, but I have made a conscious effort that it could be read that way.

Jason's hoodie in chapter two, while never canonically described and therefore whatever you imagine it to be, in my own heart, is the 'I am kenough' hoodie. I had it as that in a draft, but I felt it changed the vibe too much to make it canon.

works I am considering writing for this series in addition to the main timeline:

meeting the resurrected Jason as Red Hood

The proposal

A series of dabbles or at least short, short, segments on what it's like to be pregnant in a family of the worlds greatest detectives

a short story about how Damian was impacted by the divorce

A far into the future mainly crack fic with the many bat uncles and aunts, Jason, and Grandpa Bruce all trying to convince a teen Mary to come join THEIR super team / to be their sidekick.

Let me know in the replies if any of these particularly excite you! I make no promises of writing them but they are rattling around in my mind.

[izzyspussy]

and now for more of the exact same thing.

late s3 canon divergence au in which we all live in a world of sunshine and daisies where mickey is allowed to a) be more three dimensional and b) have positive character development that isn't directly connected to his relationship with ian and also it happens when i say it does even though it's kind of really unrealistic and probably slightly ooc but again it's a world of sunshine and daisies and also it's been literally a full ten years since i've so much as heard his voice. cough.

uh so. yeah. late s3 canon divergence au in which mickey fights with ian about how unfair ian is being re: terry + svetlana + mickey staying closeted-ish + etc. idr the order of things but lets just say for the concept's sake that the divergence happens before the whole ian: you love me -> mickey: kicks him in the face thing because. *megamind voice* listen i don't really know where to go with that.

anyway so mickey tells ian to shut up and listen for once in his fucking life and then goes tf off about how marrying svetlana, claiming yevgeny, and staying closeted-ish (for now) is The Right Thing To Do, for various reasons. his own safety first, which it's pretty fucked up for ian to seemingly not care about, and ian's safety too, which is possibly even more fucked up for ian to seemingly not care about.

and then we have like four(?) options going from there.

so option 1 mickey's like: and also hey, he said he wanted to make sure mickey was okay but then three fucking seconds later started berating him. yeah, mickey was being stubborn and cold or whatever but jesus christ. and on that note, why was it so easy for ian to Be There for mandy when this happened to her but not mickey?? and then ian maybe is like that's not the same/that's not what happened (because it really seemed like he didn't realize that. it is the same and that is what happened. and like lmfao from later stuff in the show that we will simply pretend to have not seen, i know that's mainly because the fucking writers don't realize it is the same and that is what happened, and you know what they probably would not give a shit even if they did LOL. but i'm not bitter about it or anything. and since i'm ascribing to murder in real life death of the author here, we're going full watson here and. ian doesn't Get It because lots of people don't - obviously lmao - but he will!!!)

anyway so mickey is visibly devastated by ian saying this, and then he's bitter (just like meeee- wait i mean-) and laughs without humor about how ian is such a hypocrite. about how oh saint ian doesn't have any internalized homophobia. and ian is like what the fuck does that have to do with fucking anything, and mickey tells him oh nothing of course mickey is just talking shit like always since he's sooooo morally inferior and/or stupid and he definitely doesn't understand any of this. but hey! just as a totally unrelated thought experiment, why doesn't ian picture it with lip in his place and mandy in mickey's and with a male whore instead and just see what he thinks is so different/what he thinks happened then. and ian does and mickey sees in his face that he's realized, but he still wants to know. so he asks again why ian cares about mandy more than him. and ian is like well first of all i definitely do not care about mandy more than you and second we should talk apparently talk about this for real for real let's go upstairs for some privacy. and they do and it doesn't solve everything but by god does it help.

okay well that one's not really about anything being The Right Thing To Do, but you know. it's important to me! like i totally get that ian was going through multiple crises at the same time and dealing with the same traumatic event as mickey and also having an actual legitimate clinical mental break and experiencing a state of mind he had never dealt with before. it's not his fault. BUT. even tho it wasn't his fault he was still being completely unfair and none of any of that was mickey's fault either and it always bothered me that only ian ever got to be angry about it. but i digress.

now back to actually the sunshine and daisies unrealistic positive character development (but honestly like........ not really THAT unrealistic. To Me. like the only really unrealistic part is for mickey to be like. Informed enough for this. i think. but like. maturity and self awareness and honesty and courage and a moral code, all that is just maybe a little bit early to arrive here. i think it's an optimistic but not completely unbelievable divergence is what i'm saying! anyway).

so option 2A is like: instead of talking about What Happened and how much ian does or doesn't care, mickey starts talking about The Baby (who at this point is of course not born and i think probably too early along to be gendered let alone named). he's like what do you want me to do man. be just like your piece of shit parents and just abandon this kid because i don't want it? you want to be with a guy like that? and ian's like well it's probably not even yours, considering all the Factors. just get a paternity test and then you're off the hook. and mickey says, "don't be a fucking hypocrite, ian clayton gallagher." and ian's like damn. i want to but i absolutely cannot argue with that huh.

option 2B is more hurt/comfort than that and it goes: mickey starts talking about The Baby. and he's the one to point out it's probably not technically His or whatever. but. the chances that it's still a milkovich are. basically 100. and he points out if he marries svetlana, and he's on the birth certificate, and all around is legally the kid's FatherTM, then terry can't get his fucking hands on it. mickey has full parental rights. he couldn't completely keep the kid safe from terry, not without causing everybody - including the baby - a whole lot more danger right now, but he'd have so much more power to protect it than he otherwise would. he could make sure terry can't be next of kin if something happens to svet and mickey. he could make sure teachers and doctors and whoever else know not to leave the kid in terry's "care". even if terry himself changes his tune later for whatever fucking reason, if svet and/or mickey piss him off and he tries to take their kid away as punishment, or if he just fucking decides he wants another victim/pawn, or whatEVER, and he's the one to demand a paternity test, or if any other random john does, even if it ends up legally documented somewhere that mickey isn't the biological father as long as he and svet are The Parents from the start he would still retain custody and parental rights.

so. mickey marries svetlana. he's put on the birth certificate. he is legally the baby's father until such time as he and/or svetlana decide otherwise and a judge agrees. svetlana gets a marriage visa or green card or whatever the fuck and is now a legal resident. they stay married long enough for her to get naturalized as a us citizen. they get divorced, mickey no-contest hands over full custody to her, she moves to fucking socal or some shit and they never ever ever ever have to fucking see each other again. all her problems are solved, and none of the horrible shit terry put the rest of them through ever has to happen to the baby.

he can't let terry have the baby, mickey says. he can't. it's not fair, he says. it's not right. nobody deserves to be terry milkovich's kid. and sure mickey doesn't want it. he doesn't want to have to sleep next to his- you know, and no doubt svet doesn't want to have to do that either. but even though the baby may or may not be a result of. That. it didn't do it. it didn't do anything. it's just a baby. and mickey's voice is all raised - he's angry, he's scared, he's fucking righteous about this. it's just a fucking baby! its only fucking crime is being born wrong!

and. well. that kinda takes the fucking wind right out of ian's sails. mostly cuz it sucks all the air out of the room altogether. and mickey realizes too, right after he's said that, why he's so. uh. passionate about this. i mean not all the way, or just... he doesn't want to look directly at that yet. but ian can see it on his face that deep down he knows. ian can see it on mickey's face that what sounded like to him is exactly what it was. and maybe he breathes out the softest italicized oh (non-romantic) that has ever been spoken while mickey cringes a little bit and looks away, looks down, ducks his head enough to hide his face, enough to muffle his voice slightly against his own chest. he mumbles, "it's not his fault." he whispers, "he can't help it."

and what thee fuck is ian going to say to that? no? no, i won't support you protecting an innocent kid out of the long-buried goodness of your heart that i always knew was there and reparent yourself in the process? no, i refuse to be involved with you while you make an agonizing sacrifice in the name of kindness and healing, the way i've been demanding you do in my favor for months? no of course not.

but wait hang on i can fix this with the romantically-tinted option 2C, which goes like: mickey says he can't back out, he can't come out. he has to do this. and ian rolls his eyes or scoffs or both or gives mickey the fucking chin or whatever he does to indicate he thinks the reason mickey "has" to do this is because mickey's a fucking pussy and the only other option is to stand up to his dad. and mickey snaps that actually he has more than one (1) fucking motivation dickhead. and ian challenges him, all oh yeah like what. and mickey gets nice and right up in ian's face and gives him the fucking rundown.

i'm doing this because of you, he says. and ian scoffs again of course, but this time mickey just ignores him and steams right on. he says i'm doing this because you are. fucking self-righteous. and spiteful. and controlling. and fucking sadistic. and ian's like is this supposed to make me less pissed off. but mickey goes on. and you're kind. and generous. and god damn chivalrous, for fuck's sake. and so fucking brave. which finally shuts ian and his very, very loud facial expressions up.

so, mickey says. i know that you couldn't give less of a shit right now if svetlana has her kid taken away, gets deported directly into a russian prison, and never sees the fucking sun again in her life. maybe you even wish that on her. maybe i kind of do too. but i also know that if it hadn't happened to you, if you weren't there... if we were friends, and i didn't do this, we wouldn't be friends anymore.

he says, yeah, i love you, you love me. big fucking whoop. that happens to the fucking worst of us.

he says, i want you to like me.

he says, i'm just trying to grow the fuck up, okay? i don't want to be a fucking shallow selfish stupid god damn teenager for my entire fucking life like our piece of shit fucking parents. i want to be a man. and i- even if it's too late or this is too much, i want to be the kind of man that you would like.

so obviously ian is struck completely dumb. he just stares, wide-eyed and amazed and so absolutely wooed, while mickey finishes his fucking. grand speech. while he adds, quiet and exhausted and somewhat resigned, i'm not fucking ready, if i was ever gonna- but. it has to be done. she can't do it by herself. and there's no one else.

and. i mean really the inherent romance of "i want you to like me" and "i want to be the kind of man that you would like" would have been enough. but now here's this killer finishing move too. because you know fiona is ian's hero. and isn't that exactly what she did for all of them? with one fucking choice, mickey has already become the kind of man ian would like. and beyond! he's become the kind of man that ian respects. that ian admires.

and yeah, he'd like to still be angry. he'd like to still be exactly the selfish teenager mickey has decided he no longer is. and they are teenagers, still, so really that should be their fucking right! and also ian's fucking brain is on fire and he doesn't know what the fuck is going on!! but. well. he doesn't want it to be too late. he doesn't want this to be too much. he wants to grow up too, he's always wanted to grow up, to be a man. to be a good man. an honorable and reliable man. he doesn't want to be like- he doesn't want to be like their parents either.

and he wants mickey to like him too.

anyway. i think i'm clinically insane.

[unthrall]

♔ —- 𝚃𝙴𝙻𝙻 𝙼𝙴 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙻𝙸𝙴𝚂, 𝙻𝙴𝙽𝙳 𝙼𝙴 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙴𝚈𝙴𝚂 𝚂𝙾 𝙸 𝙲𝙰𝙽 𝚂𝙴𝙴. ( dream of salt scrapes, of azoic wires, of writhing filament skin. dream of your kind guardian and its twisting hand. dream of freedom. dream of its cost. )

a private portyal of 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙴𝙼𝙿𝙴𝚁𝙾𝚁 from baldur's gate III. ACT 3 / full game spoilers are inherent to the character. written by saga ( 20, they/them ) further info/guidelines ⬇

spoilers —— this blog will contain full spoilers for BG3. given the time since release and the nature of the character i am playing, ACT 3 & prev. spoilers may not be tagged. please interact with that in mind.

sensitive content —— i tag triggers as trigger cw. if i miss anything, let me know. canon-typical violence & blood may not be tagged unless extreme. suggestive content may arise due to the nature of the game, but i am not interested in writing anything explicit.

interactions —— i prefer only to write with mutuals, but tend to follow somewhat liberally. please hardblock if you are breaking mutuals to prevent any accidental interaction. due to some of the in-game subject matter and my own comfort, i won't write with anyone younger than 18. feel free to plot with me, i love scheming.

formatting —— i generally don't use icons, or will only use them for starters / reponses to asks. otherwise, i will match your tense and length, and am happy to adjust my formatting when needed.

the emperor —— the emperor is a bit of a tricky character, so here's some things to keep in mind; * the emperor is calculated, manipulative and ultimately self-serving. i like to portray it as distinctly alien, internally and externally, due to its illithid characteristics. despite this, i want to explore his character in a way that's fun for everyone involved! i invite tense, conflicting dynamics, as well as casual, chill interactions; whichever you prefer. without plotting or prompting, i will default to the latter. i am careful not to overstep boundaries, but if i do, please let me know. * i don't imagine the in-game romance to be genuine on his side. this can be a lot of fun to explore, as can the potential development of true affection ( whatever form that takes ). that being said, romantic dynamics aren't a priority for me. i am just as interested in whatever else you have in mind for your character. * while tadpoled characters may have different dynamics with their dream guardians ( which i am happy to explore in the context of act 3! ), please note that i will remain consistent in my core portrayal of the emperor. * he & it ( and any others, really ) pronouns apply. the emperor feels no allegiance to gender.

and meeee —— call me saga, i'm 20, they/them. i haven't rped in a very long time but the squid is calling to me.

[atbgauge]

my (early) thoughts on PGR's across the ruined sea story update....

ok the reason why i say early is because well. i'm only at 20-3 for the story and so i know stage/level wise i have like 8 stages to go so hrfgkfjfm and thats not counting the inbetween "dialogue"/text-only stages. and idk pgr has definitely let me down before... but i shall get into that later

i liek how they're including moar horror in this arc like i'm literally like that fish from spongebob thats like "THATS WHAT WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR" like... yes god please return to your horror roots... we needed this so bad like idk there is a missed opportunity and they did it a little bit in XXI's arc and that entire story with lucia & luna introducing hetero-creatures and sorta kinda revisited again with vera & noan but they didn't really take it there... idk with a scary machine & human killing virus, the concept of a tide that kills all in its way and has the voices of all it has taken inside of it, and the general machine/automaton horror i wonder why they would not flesh out these concepts a little more. it also reminds me of parasite eve/the third birthday in that regard

i think despite not having gone through all of the story yet i am excited because i'm noticing new things, these past few patches they've been getting better in quality in terms of how they're going about telling their story. writing is well... hehe HRFKFJFK let me get into that later

like PGR has always done a visual novel sort of story telling which i'm fine with, i'm very used to that and it's a mobile game so it makes sense. as we go through these patch updates they add things like various scripted sequences in gameplay stages, cut scenes, etc. despite only playing up until 20-3, i see a lot more of kuro actually trying which is very good. also at 20-3 they literally give a warning about how long it is... which btw to me it wasn't that long but if you are a person that just wants to hurry they do give an option for you to skip but i have time and having played through it fully... thats how their story telling should be!!

don't just tell through the VN sequences, but also let players just... experience it. the map has some interactive points, it makes you explore to learn more about what's going on, i like how they introduced bianca's new power of being able to see the past but it comes with the cost of her potentially losing her mind and not being able to tell past and present apart, and she's also able to hear the voices of the dead through this too. and they created cool sequences and effects and executed it very well despite the limitations of mobile phones. it's just satisfying to see them improve what they can do in terms of telling a story and matching it well with the gameplay

that being said my relationship to this game is that i love the characters and i love some of their designs. in terms of writing it could be better, it sucks for global players that the localization has not improved and continues to let down every single patch. i know i dont really like the writing but at least let players experience your story in its best form instead of half-assing the translations. i dont think kuro is that interested in telling a good story though unfortunately esp with what i've seen from wuwa... but that game is under development but who knows! maybe they'll blow it out of the park with that one but i am doubtful LOL... i wish they'd do less fanservice too btw. i think i really just find myself playing PGR because the gameplay is fun and satisfying to meeee :3 the story could be better is all

[kagejima]

@mrskenmakozume and I were chatting about our favourite Shiratorizawa captain (post-time skip ofc) and I had some thoughts that she was happy to add to.

Wakatoshi would be clueless about relationships since, before meeting you, volleyball was the only thing on his mind. As a result, Toshi would secretly start watching (read as researching) porn and ask Tendou for tips and advice as the relationship between you and him develops. Tendou, not knowing why Toshi was asking him for links, would send his best friend some of his favourite videos, which just so happen to be hardcore BDSM (Kisa's lovely suggestion). So as Toshi has you in his bed for the first time, both of you panting, aroused and ready to have sex, he suddenly stops, saying, "wait let me go get the ropes." before, he gets off the bed and heads to his closet. Kisa then threw it back to me saying: "what if Ushi gets the rope, but you’re the one tying him up 👀 his tiddies contrasting with the rope’s bright colour".

Happy Wakatoshi Wednesday Rae! Love your two horny followers who love jock with huge cocks.

PLEEEEEASE, THIS IS SENDING MEEEE

my thoughts under the cut

Tendou doesn't understand the question that Wakatoshi is asking him as he sits across from him at the restaurant table.

"Like... are you asking me... wait, what is it exactly that you're asking me?" Tendou wants him to clarify, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms.

"I'm asking you to send me videos that you like." Wakatoshi says again, his voice unwavering.

"Okay..." Tendou says slowly, not surprised Wakatoshi barely cleared it up, "But you know that everyone's tastes are different, right? What I'm into won't necessarily be what they're into."

Wakatoshi nods once before he takes another bite of the piece of cake Tendou brought out to him minutes before.

"So wait, have you been looking up things yourself?" Tendou's eyebrows wiggle as he leans forward and rests his arms on the table, "What have you been watching, sir?"

Wakatoshi pauses briefly from eating the cake to bring up the porn site he's been looking at the most before he hands his phone over to Tendou.

Tendou's grin disappears and turns into wide eyes and a gasp as he scrolls through Wakatoshi's recent searches on the site.

"You're a little freak, Wakatoshi!" Tendou teases him, his grin returning, but Wakatoshi only takes his phone back from him.

"Alright, fine. I'll send them to you later." Tendou finally agrees, "Like I said, just keep in mind that everyone has different tastes."

-

Wakatoshi hovers over you on the bed, the mattress dipping considerably as he rests his hands on either side of you, holding himself up when he pulls back from kissing you.

You've always been aware since the start of your relationship with him just exactly how much larger he is than you, but in this moment, you feel so much smaller as he has you caged between his arms.

He must see the brief realization in your eyes, because he pulls back suddenly, thinking he's upset you.

"We-- We don't have to do anything..." He says apologetically, "I'm sorry if I rushed you."

Your lips tingle from his sweet kisses, you know he can feel how hard your nipples are through your shirt every time he dips down to kiss you, and you can feel how hard he is every time he rests a little bit more of his body down on top of you.

Silly, stupid man.

Your silly, stupid man.

You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him back down to you, placing a chaste kiss on his lips before smiling against them.

"I want to, Toshi..." You murmur against his lips and he smiles too before he starts to kiss you deeply again.

With some awkwardness and giggles, your shirt comes off and so does his, but he pulls back suddenly again when he realizes it's getting more serious.

"Wait... the ropes." He says.

Sorry, the what??

You watch as he maneuvers his hulking figure off the bed, waddling over to his closet and he yanks the doors open. And you watch still in curiosity as he reaches up and pulls down a bundle of red bamboo silk rope from the top shelf.

"You're a little freak, Toshi!" You cooingly tease him, and with the way he blushes, you can tell that's not the first time it's been said to him.

"If you don't want it, it's fine." He starts babbling when you get up off the bed and walk over to him, "I just thought it would be a fun thing to do."

"Do you always tie up your lovers the first time?" You ask him with a little smile, taking the rope from his hands.

"No..." He breathes, looking at you and the incredibly nervous yet adorable energy he's giving off is sending you spiraling deeper in love with him.

"I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how to tie the knots and all that..." He confesses to you suddenly.

And he's embarrassed because all of those videos he watched, all of those talks with Tendou, it's almost like they went flying out of his brain the moment you started kissing him.

You bring his lips to yours and give him a slow, deep kiss to make him stop talking and settle his nerves.

"Do you want me to show you how then?" You ask him with a smirk when you pull away.

[journey-to-the-attic]

Hi there!

If you don't mind, can you share any tips on writing a long story like jtta and keeping a good writing schedule?

I'm planning on writing a story with a long on-going plot like yours, but I have terrible motivation and I wanna make sure to keep the story interesting and keep the reader's hooked.

If you could share some tips, I'd be really grateful!

the most important part is writing something you enjoy!! if not only because that gives you motivation in and of itself, but also because you can re-read your favourite bits and cackle to yourself “it’s like it was specifically catered for meeee”

i had a pretty big advantage in that i had om s1 as a springboard to jump off of, but in terms of plot, i’d say it makes it easier to have a basic outline of where you want the story to go, but don’t overplan it and don’t force yourself to stick to your roadmap! sometimes different interpretations/new ideas just kind of happen and if it works for the story (and you’d like to write it), go ahead and add it in! it’s your story!! go wild!!!

i’ve found that it’s easier to come up with conflict that seems to hit home if its the characters’ growth and relationships that drives it, so it’s helpful to get to know them/develop your interpretations of them as people. character studies help, but they’re also kinda tedious if you’re not in the mood to be spinning someone around the mental microwave

honestly, the way i do it is to just imagine them in various Situations - sometimes mundane, sometimes apocalyptic - often before i go to bed, but also just whenever i have a free moment. usually works best with the om characters after playing through an unsatisfactory pop quiz/lesson, and then i just imagine what i would’ve done with them in that scenario instead

in terms of keeping reader’s interest... honestly i don’t know how jtta got so many readers myself, but - building on what i said before, let the characters (and their relationships) lead! it helps to do some worldbuilding as well, but the cast and how they interact with the world and each other is usually what the readers are here for

i’d say it’s a good idea to get an idea of the sort of ‘voice’ each character has - what sort of vocabularies they have, how they like to construct their sentences, that sort of thing. for example, lucifer uses a lot of big fancy words, tends to be very formal, avoids contractions like ‘wanna’, ‘gonna’, etc., almost never has exclamation marks in his dialogue because he’s a very calm talker

(and then you can break those ‘voice’ conventions (within reason of their personalities) for the emotional moments to make them hit harder)

[beyuji]

early november 2022 lime entertainment practice room      cw //  ( warning for instances of gaslighting and allusions to homophobia )

yuji’s lucked out these last few weeks. her mother’s phone calls have lessened-- likely due to yuji’s continuously busy schedule. she’s managed to scrape by with a few scattered text messages, always followed up with a phone call she’s quick to dodge. maybe she’s finally putting that line down, maybe her mother’s beginning to fold. maybe, just maybe-- is yuji finally getting the independence she wants. 

it’s a nice idea. it’s a nice dream, at least. 

september passes, and as october crawls by, her mother’s calls lessen and lessen. yubin begins to reach out, and it’s easier to talk to her than her mother. it’s still tense as ever, but yubin doesn’t bring anything up. doesn’t apologize, but doesn’t antagonize; so yuji bites her tongue. 

and then her phone buzzes, as november trickles forward. 

  💌 yubin call mom. she’s asking about you.

yuji doesn’t. in fact, she reads it, closes it out-- and doesn’t look at her phone for the next few days. it feels ominous, uncomfortable. an eerie calm before a storm that yuji knows is going to rock her to her core.

yubin sends a few more messages after that. one that says don’t be like that, and another that says she’s our mom. you have to hear her out. frankly, yuji doesn’t have to do anything. she shouldn’t have to. she doesn’t want to. and the more people tell her to do it, the more she lets her notification count crawl up and the more she isolates herself. 

when the call comes, she’s half expecting it. it’s late, later than her mother would call-- but one glance at the screen has yuji’s mouth drying up and her body thrumming in discomfort. instead, it’s her father-- which in a way, is a little bit worse than her mother. at least in yuji’s opinion. 

she ducks out of the practice room with an excuse to go use the bathroom; she keeps her head down through the hallway, staring at the buzzing of her phone, her body thrumming with nerves. part of her wants to let it ring, let it go to the voice message box-- and the other part of her knows she doesn’t want the consequence of that action. whatever it may be.

far away enough from the practice room, only then does she answer. maybe she cuts it too close, because after her greeting, it’s silent. it’s uncomfortable. 

“yuji,” her lips purse, one arm crossing over her stomach as she leans against the wall of the hallway. “i’m surprised you answered.” 

yeah, yuji thinks. so am i.

it’s small talk, after that. carefully crafted. it feels like a script, the way yuji falls back into answering; her parents are always wanting to hear something, and she’s had years to perfect it. they don’t want complaints, they want compliance. they’re not interested in yuji, they’re interested in what yuji’s doing. and she feels like she’s being read, being dissected; it’s like she’s a kid again, and her father’s eyes bearing down at her, analyzing. waiting to pull apart any sort of argument she can make. give her some bogus reasoning and glare down at her and wait for her to wilt. she knows it all too well-- like father, like daughter, she supposes. 

and he sets the bait. 

“i talked to yubin the other day.” he brings up, casual. “she said she went by your...job. said you weren’t there. apparently, you haven’t been there for a while.” 

yuji purses her lips. “maybe she got the wrong place. that’s not her cup of tea. i know she doesn’t approve of it. neither does mom. neither do you.” 

a hum. “maybe.” silence. yuji bites down on the side of her nail, staring mindlessly at the decor on the hallway wall. stares at how the color of it pops out in a shade that’s rather ugly. wonders how much lime paid for that. wonders how many people think it’s ugly like she does. wonders-- “how long are you going to be doing this for?”

she blinks. “what? working? singing?” 

“attention seeking.” yuji freezes. “whatever it is that you’re aiming for. your mother thinks you’re having your rebellion's phase a little late. yubin thinks you’re being blinded by your pride.” the tone of his voice makes her feel sick; it makes her tense and stiff. anger licks at her wounds. fights the urge to hang up right then and there. 

“what the hell does that mean?” she retorts, dropping her arm to wrap around herself. angles the phone away from her mouth so she can lean her head back and exhale sharply through her nose. “did you really call to tell me that you all are gossiping about me behind my back? i knew that. i’m aware. i don’t need a reminder.” she pushes off the wall and aims to walk further down the hallway. make it to the bathroom like she said so she can regroup before going back. her head is already tensing with the oncoming of a headache she’ll endure. she shouldn’t have answered the call.

“don’t get angry. it was just a question.” there’s a rustle over the phone, something like papers. probably at work, yuji notes. it’s all he ever does-- all he ever did. “i’m not trying to start anything with you. i’m not going to yell at you. just,” a shut of the door. “be good, will you? make good choices. i know you have a history of choosing... rather unsavory decisions. but you know better, don’t you?”

    ( “you know better, don’t you?” dad says, after she’s just left room and it’s just yuji and him. “you’re not that kind of girl. you don’t do those sort of things.” 

dad never yells, never raises his voice. he speaks in the same tone every time-- but his eyes doing the shouting. and now he’s demanding, the curve of his frown threatening. “let’s not make this out to be a big deal, yuji. when you’re older, you’ll thank me. you and--” her name tumbles out of his mouth, and yuji hates it. there’s a part of her that wants to lash out, go for his throat so she doesn’t have to hear it. “it won’t mean anything at all to you. that’s not what’s normal. that’s not right. that’s not what you want.” 

the way he smiles is pitying. condescending. mocking and taunting. )

and it’s taunting now. he’s been baiting, laying in wait until yuji’s bound to snap. and she feels it, burning under her skin. she grinds her teeth and pushes into the bathroom. it’s forcible and swift, her arm throbbing with the result of the push. 

“yeah.” she mutters. “i know.” i know better now, she thinks. i know what i feel. i know how this makes me feel. and i know it’s real. “you don’t have to worry. you don’t have to remind me.” it’s real to me. it was real to me. 

“good. we do this because we care, you know that don’t you? we have your best interests at heart.” her gut swoops low; she’s nauseous. “and pick up the phone more, please. or at least answer yubin. your mother can be overbearing, i understand. but yubin at least entertains you. you should be more grateful for her.”

throw the phone down. stomp on it. throw it in the toilet. scream. yell. there’s a million and one thoughts going through her head. “i’m hanging up now. i’ve got to go.” she mutters. her tongue is heavy in her mouth. yuji’s argumentative to her core, sure, but never to the root of the tree. how do you argue back and counteract the person who helped shaped the way you are? 

she fumbles her way through some half-assed goodbyes, and hangs up in the middle of her father’s. drops her hand weakly to her side and stares at the floor; she’s shaking, maybe trembling-- bits of the mask falling off in the quiet. 

she stays in the bathroom longer than she likes. it takes a little while to feel normal again; the rage settles until all there is a numbness. the scolding she gets for taking too long barely phases her; she takes it all with a bowed head and body. she stays another hour extra to make up for it-- the words you know better, don’t you? running through her head. 

[redwineconversation]

Manon Eluère OL Night Systems Interview

@OL Comms Dept: it's still Pumpkin Spice Latte season.

This is 100 percent a fan pandering interview made for meeee because it's a good and proper chat about Lyon's psychology and what makes this team work. As I've so often said, I don't need to know what your favorite food is; I do, however, want to know what makes your eyes look the way they do.

Disclaimer: I know I said I was lukewarm at best about translating the OL Night Systems interviews but psychology is cool!! Especially the psychology of this team!! I know I am geeking out about this but this interview gives you cool insights about a team that is really interesting and complex once you get to know them.

MANON ELUERE INTERVIEW

Journalist: Good evening, and thank you for being here. It's Thursday night and everything is good. We're going to be talking to Manon [Eluère] shortly. I'm very, very happy to have her, because if we're being honest, I don't really understand her job. But at the same time, I totally get it. That might seem a little strange, but you'll see, it actually makes sense.

[Manon Eluère enters]

Journalist: Manon, welcome. I'm delighted to have you here. Thank you for having taken the time. I'm really happy to have you here, because as I was just saying, I totally get what you are doing, but at the same time, it's a novel concept. If I were to ask you honestly - even for your introduction, we were wondering what we were supposed to write - and I have something in mind, but explain your job to me.

Eluère: Okay, it's always a little complicated. In the office, we often have people coming by, and the staff is like, when it's my turn to be introduced, they're like [Eluère gestures vaguely] "Manon, we're not totally sure what she does, she'll explain it to you." On the whole, in fine print on my contract, it's written "in charge of research on diversity, inclusiveness and team cohesion". So in short I'm responsible for team cohesion. Even if it doesn't mean anything, I can go into detail.

Journalist: So anyway, I asked you to shoot me a text about that so I could prepare for the show. And you said: "I am in charge of research into diversity, inclusiveness and team cohesion for the teams; staff member of the women's professional team; responsible for cohesion for the [Lyon] academy for the academy teams, and doctoral candidate in psychology in sports, anticipated graduation December [2023]."

Eluère: [laughs] Yeah, something like that.

Journalist: So it could seem a little, what's the word, pompous. Do you get what I am saying?

Eluère: Yeah, I guess. But it's more that like you said, it didn't really exist before, it's all new. So there's a lot of ways to describe my job. And I still have my studies, my PhD, I hope to get that soon. So define my role, I guess I'm wearing several hats. And I like that, it's super cool. But if we want to sum it up, really, I'm in charge of [team] cohesion. But I actually like to say it doesn't make a lot of sense, it doesn't mean anything, because I don't - I don't have any power over the actual cohesion of the team. Do you get what I am saying?

Journalist: Indirectly, though, yes.

Eluère: Of course.

Journalist: We're going to look at some film, if you don't mind, to put things in context.

[VIDEO SEGMENT OF PRESEASON ACTIVITIES IN PORTLAND]

Journalist: We're back in the studio. Could you explain to us the purpose of the game, and how it would build a cohesion that was still developing?

Eluère: Okay. So that's something we had set in place during preseason. It's super important to work on [team] cohesion during that time. Then the idea is to build on it throughout the season. But work on it in a totally different manner. There, the main objective we set ourselves was the players are coming back from the Euros, they're tired, we have to launch a new dynamic for the new season, there are new playing coming into the group. So the idea was that everyone could find their place [within the team] little by little, take the time to get to know one another so that each one knows their place within the team, who the leaders are, etc. And really - often, you see, with all the hats I wear, you could think I was just an entertainer - I put together little games etc that can be a little dumb, but there's always a point behind it. Here the point was really, primarily, reinforce the cohesion within the group and knowledge of one another.

Journalist: Do you think that's going to be the story of modern sports?

Eluère: Meaning?

Journalist: Meaning that in each high level team, there will be someone like you, maybe three, four, five within the next decade?

Eluère: Well I think already the mental aspect, that's going to become more and more important. Here at OL, even before a player arrives, there's already a mental health therapist [that works with the player]. That's already huge. It doesn't exist in every club. They work a lot with each individual player. They have sessions, etc. They work on a lot of things. Because the mental aspect plays a huge part on your performance. And for the group, it's important - well for me anyway, it's my job so I am obviously going to defend it - it kind of depends on the coach's vision, I think. For example, Sonia [Bompastor], she's part of the coaches who are convinced that the group will lead you to performing well. At the same time, you can have those teams where there's a collection of incredible players but there's nothing to show for it at the end.

Journalist: But on the other hand, there are other examples - I'm thinking of Zidane who said that - we're talking about the majestic Real Madrid [Zidane played for Real Madrid between 2001 - 2006 and coached 2016 - 2021] - he said the men didn't even talk to each other in the locker room, as such, no cohesion. But for 90, 95 minutes, there was magic on the field. Do you think those are examples - actually, no. Do you think those are the exceptions to the rule?

Eluère: No, he's totally right. In reality, there are different types of cohesion. There's the "operational cohesion", which happens on the field, and you have "social cohesion". So depending on the team - well often the two are connected, there's a correlation. So it's better to work on the cohesion off the field because it will allow you to be better, to have more solidarity on the field. There are some teams where that's not necessary. But on the other hand according to studies, there is a notable difference between men and women. Potentially with women, with women's teams, there's a greater need to feel a real connection with your teammates to perform. But that's a generality, maybe it will depend on the team. But -

Journalist: [cutting her off] Do you think that's because women's football is in its infancy on the international stage? And what I mean by that is you were explaining that men don't need as much - I was going to say romanticism, that's maybe not the right word but you know what I mean. Whereas women need a little more. By that I mean, is it not because this sport on the women's side is so new, and maybe they will become less [emotionally] "sensitive" the more it evolves?

Eluère: Well, you see I hope not for them. Because men don't need it "less". Keep in mind I am talking the cohesion off the field. You see it, there are a lot of teams that really need to work on their cohesion on the field. Cohesion, it's the solidarity, staying together during difficult times. It's important for each team to have the highest amount of [team] cohesion as possible from the beginning of the season, and throughout the season, because that's what will allow you to absorb the [emotional impact of] injuries, the defeats, the challenges. And when I say that I hope the women don't become like the men, who maybe need it a little less, who are less open to those sorts of things, it's that for the men, it doesn't exist as much in general at the clubs. Neither for women's clubs for that matter. But I think it's by being receptive to those sorts of things that you can progress as a team.

Journalist: We all know that a team who gets along well is generally - and I do mean generally - also a winning team, a team who wins consecutive games, etc. Isn't cohesion easier to build or maintain? The real difficulty is when you have successive losses, bad performances, tension in the locker room. That just happens in a group no matter what. In moments like that, do the fun games that we just saw, does your method of cohesion and work ethic change fundamentally or do the fundamentals stay the same?

Eluère: Yeah, it's super interesting what you are saying. Really, the fundamentals stay the same. That's where in my job there's the aspect that we see on video, the interactive aspect, games, etc. But behind that there's my research cap which comes into play. And I put in place a monitoring of how the group is functioning.

[cross-talk]

Eluère: I analyze, I compile data throughout the season on how the group is functioning in terms of cohesion, in terms of leadership as well. I can pull out different charts showing the interrelations of the group and know who the leaders are, are they working together, are they apart on things, are there players in the background. So that, on top of the activities, because we have those charts, I can report back to the staff and based on that they can put some things in place, intervene to maintain the cohesion. And after that, the primary objective, it's to maintain a high level of cohesion. And that's what we will allow us to get through the turbulent times, as they say. And in the cohesion I include the leadership aspect. When I say "Responsible for the group" doesn't mean anything, it's that I have no influence. It's the leaders who will have a central role.

Journalist: Yeah, but that's because you understood such or such a person could pull the group towards the top. [CROSS-TALK] And for that I congratulate you, because you are responsible in the traditional sense of the term.

Eluère: It's not modesty, because I find that it's important, in my job, for people to understand that it's not me who acts directly. Everyone has to feel invested in the "cohesion mission". And the players have to understand that cohesion starts with each of them individually. So yeah, it's going to come from them. That's what I meant. In terms of analysis, I only intervene in terms of games, etc. It's more social cohesion. It's the coach who will intervene with the leaders.

Journalist: Manon, you were talking about it a moment ago, and it's so important in sports at the highest level, you were talking about leadership. You've said it five or six times since the beginning of the show. Not to sound like you but I find that very interesting. Do we become a leader or are we already a leader?

Eluère: Good question. There's a little bit of both. You're a leader at the core. There are leaders that emerge in a group. And once again you can't say from one day to the next "I'm a leader." You're only a leader if you are considered a leader by others. That's why it's so important to have the psychology sessions with the players. And then of course when you have several leadership qualities, there are general qualities which stand out.

Journalist: What's a leadership quality for you?

Eluère: Well, first of all a leader is someone who has influence over the group.

[CROSS TALK]

Eluère: It doesn't matter the type of influence. You have negative leaders, you have positive leaders. And you have several types of leaders. You have leaders who talk, who motive. You have leaders who don't talk. Christiane Endler - she talks on the field, etc - but when she came into the team last year, we don't know her [personally], she's a new player. Christiane, from the first sessions, she stands out as a leader even though she isn't an extrovert in the locker room. But just from her competence, everyone knows her career path, she excludes a certain energy, a certain aura. So there's all sorts of ways to express your leadership.

[VIDEO SEGMENT WHEN THE LYON PLAYERS FIND OUT ABOUT AMEL MAJRI'S PREGNANCY]

Journalist: It's really hard to come back from that, because it brings tears to my eyes each time. Tell us a little about that.

Eluère: Well, if you want the context, one time Sonia [Bompastor] came to see me, "Manon I need to see you." And I was like "oh no, what's going on?" She had a very somber look on her face. And she told me, "just between us, Amel [Majri] is okay" - well actually she didn't say it was Amel, she whispered "we have a player who is pregnant." And I whispered back "you think so? Who is it?" And she told me it was Amel. She said she talked about it with Amel, and she [Amel] wanted to find an original way to tell the group because she wasn't sure how to tell them. And for me it was a way - cohesion is that too, you know. We're clearly in the off the field cohesion domain. But it's important - Sonia often says that we spend more time together than we do with our own families. It's important we're together in those moments, etc. And sharing emotions is an enormous part of cohesion. And I love that sort of stuff - first it was an honor to be a part of something like that. I had a ton of ideas, I was calling Amel, "what do you think about this or that?" Amel, you know, she's pretty discrete, if you proposed a firework show she wouldn't have been thrilled. So we put all that together. Griedge [M'Bock] and Delphine [Cascarino] knew about it. And there you go.

Journalist: You said earlier we're all a little leader or not at all. You evolve or you don't, you manage to take up space and draw people in. Do you think you can do your job without being an empath?

Eluère: An empath?

Journalist: Empathetic.

Eluère: Ah, empathetic. Good question. I think it's important. Well, this job, it's a new thing. What I like about my job is that I can use all the qualities I think are important. And yeah, when I watch that clip [of the Lyon players finding out about the pregnancy], it brings tears to my eyes. I'm empathetic in that sense. I'm creative as well. It helps me on a daily basis. It helps me with coming up with ideas for different activities. And to make sense in terms of the atmosphere in the group. I try to draw from what I hear in the office from the staff, to propose - I'm thinking of the motivational videos we came up with at the end of the season. I'm able to propose something - well I was working a lot with Timothee a lot on that - I was able to propose something because I was drawing from what I was hearing and come up with something that I think they [the players] need to hear. And for the players, same thing. I try to keep my finger on the pulse, not propose something that would be too boring, or something too extravagant, because they're top level athletes at the end of the day. I can't consider them as children, I'm not a kids entertainer. That's what I think being empathetic means.

[OUTSIDE QUESTION]: Good evening, Manon. I just have a quick question. There's something that intrigues me. There's been some controversy about [female] players taking off their shirts during a goal celebration. I wanted to know, in your opinion, would it shock you if the female [Lyon] players celebrated by taking off their shirt like the men do? Me personally I wouldn't be shocked, I don't see why it would shock anybody. Just wanted your opinion on that.

Eluère: Okay. No, I like it, we can have a debate on feminism. No, for me, I don't find it shocking.

Journalist: What's feminist about it? I don't get it.

Eluère: In the sense - no, yes, it's a question on feminism. In society I mean. Feminism isn't a swear word. It's feminism in that he's right, why shouldn't female players be able to take their shirts off. But it's funny that they're asking that question, because it doesn't have anything to do with cohesion. But in my job I also work on the diversity aspect, and in diversity you have the whole spectrum of discrimination: racism, homophobia, and obviously sexism. So if there's a law that says "no, women aren't allowed to take their shirt off, but men yes" then that's sexist. But no need to get radical about it.

Journalist: As you see your job evolve, as you explained, it's pretty new, it didn't exist 50 years ago. How do you think - if we have you back on the show in five years, do you think there would have been any major revelations?

Eluère: Yeah, I think so. We haven't talked about it as much, but the analysis part, the research part - even this year compared to last year, the sector has grown, I have a sector at the academy as well where I am working with other staff members, other teams. And I feel like the coaches find it interesting, it's good for them to have new data. So if we see each other in ten years, I hope I will have come up with innovations, have new types of data to propose. After, I was joking with Sonia [Bompastor], in the actual physical aspect of cohesion that I put forward, I said to her "Sonia, my job, it has a certain lifespan. In two years I would have gathered all the data, I won't have any new ideas in terms of creativity." And that's what I meant, if I want to offer them new things, I would constantly have to reinvent myself in 10 years, if I am with the same team I mean.

Journalist: But you have, we can see it.

Eluère: Well I also am not sure I would stay 10 years with the same team. I think it would be better for them after a while to have someone new.

Journalist: Have you ever to deal with any real difficulties with the [Lyon] group? I'm not asking for any specifics. But a situation that you struggled with, because there's tension etc between two very different personalities?

Eluère: There's two things to address there. If there is a real problem within the group... Well, the strength of the group at the moment is the inter-leadership. You have real leaders who work with each other and interact with the entire group. And that creates the link between the younger players and the older - sorry, more experienced players, the link between the foreign players and the French players. So there's a lot of things, like conflict, that's not up to me to resolve.

Journalist: Yeah but your job is cohesion.

Eluère: Yeah, of course. But once again, all I can do, with the staff, is favor the conditions which will allow us to develop and maintain cohesion. Now, I'm not a mediator. If tomorrow there's a conflict with explodes within the group, it's almost more up to Sonia [Bompastor] and the staff to handle it, not me. But often I think when there is a little friction that develops, it's the leaders, and we're lucky to have real leaders in the locker room, it's the leaders who will handle it. But overall, generally speaking, in terms of cohesion it's a little bit more complicated. Let's say we're winning less.

Journalist: And that can happen.

Eluère: Yeah, it can happen. For example, I'm thinking of last season, mid-season, where we lose in the Coupe de France, there are a ton of injured players, etc.

Journalist: That's a low point for the players.

Eluère: It's a low point, obviously. And obviously it impacts the group's energy and a little bit the cohesion as well. But that's why it's so important to have worked on team cohesion during the preseason. We had a really high level of solidarity which meant that even though it wasn't a fun stretch of time, we managed to get through it without hitting too many bumps, because we stuck together, we were clear in our ambitions, we were clear in who we were as a team, what our identity is, where we're going. So we don't get stuck into too many individual attitudes of "oh we're losing, it's all over like last season." That's a risk.

Journalist: That was almost going to be my last question but I have two more. Can you tell if a team lacks cohesion just by watching them on television?

Eluère: Yeah, I think it's pretty obvious. I'm not going to - to say what the tensions are. But yeah I can tell in this or that team that it's complicated. There are teams where you can see no players are taking the lead on the field. Or there are teams where - so you have several types of leaders on a team. There's an official, formal leader. That's the one you give the captain armband to. Even if there isn't just that one player, it's really good for the leadership to be spread out, a team works better that way. There's one team where you see a player has the captain armband but has neither in the communication -

Journalist: [interrupting] We often say that a ship can't have two captains.

Eluère: Yeah, that's interesting. I would actually say that's false. In reality, you certainly have one leader who will stand out a little more than the others, who is the captain, let's say the fully recognized captain. But your captain will never get anywhere if they don't delegate. In this team, you have Wendie [Renard], Wendie's leadership qualities are so impressive. She takes charge on the field, she has the captain armband. She's the captain.

Journalist: She has the physique for it as well.

Eluère: Yeah, she has everything. What's incredible in this [Lyon] team is that there are several leaders with great qualities. There's Ada [Hegerberg], Christiane [Endler], Griedge [M'Bock]. There's a lot of others. Those are players with real leadership qualities. What's incredible - well, incredible, it's great that it functions like that, but we work on it as well - they work together, they're never in competition with each other. They also have the intelligence to know they are working for the team, not for themselves. So you have Wendie [Renard], sure, she's the captain, she's obviously the one who has the most leadership, but it doesn't bother her at all to have other players have leadership qualities, who are acting on other levels, you see.

Journalist: No, I get it. This time this is my last question. You said it earlier, and I thought that was brave of your part, you said in the absolute that you wouldn't want to stay too long with the same group because you will eventually run out of things to say. Did I sum that up right?

Eluère: Yeah.

Journalist: Is your ambition for the future to be able to say "tomorrow I will be able to coach 25 guys?"

Eluère: Coach?

Journalist: Not coach, sorry.

Eluère: The men? I don't know. It would be an interesting challenge, but a real challenge. Here what allows me to have a lot of room to maneuver with the group is that I'm a woman, they're women, so I can easily go into the locker room, it's easy to talk to them.

Journalist: And you think that can be an obstacle?

Eluère: It can be an obstacle, yeah. A first obstacle but I am sure it's possible to overcome. But there will be an additional step to overcome in terms of credibility. Because already in my job, on a daily basis, you have to work for your credibility. People on the outside just see the social cohesion, the activities. But there's a lot behind the scenes which are more serious, I put my glasses on, I'm working at my computer, etc. But I think with the men it would be even more complicated. They would already have to be open to it. But I think there's a lot of things there, and I would be totally willing to take on the challenge.

Journalist: Thank you so much for coming tonight. I know I asked you a lot of questions.

Eluère: Of course, thank you for having me.

[cetrece]

Hey! Just curious, what other ships do you ship besides Hamgelica? Also, what's going to happen to Hamliza in your au? I don't mean to crash the party, it's just I try to ship Hamgelica but I can't because I don't do infidelity but your art is so beautiful help meeee

Thanks for asking! I wanna talk about the ships I love but I didn’t know howbUT FIRSTOkey so, this AU is like, a baby AU. I didn’t develop it (here, in my mind is complete) yet, it’s growing up slowly and I didn’t have the time to show real stuff, but don’t worry. Don’t ask me why askifyouwantlol but inside this cheating AU where Ham and Angelica have an affair, I can see Alex keep loving Eliza. Also loves Angelica. And Angelica keeps loving her sister too (in platonic way of course). But Alex, he loves both of them. Polyamorous thing, I suppose. 

And hey, don’t sorry! It’s okey if you don’t ship hamgelica or ask, you don’t crash the party at all ;)

Now, my ships!

- Hamliza (for strange that it may seems, I freaking love this two together, slry, just search my hamliza tag)- Hamgelica (BUT also ship these two, I’m a mess)- Jamilton (YAS)- PHILDOSIA (let the babies be happy)- Leggy (wanna draw these two in the future)- Mullette (kinda)- Marliza (just found out this about myself like two hours ago ???)I think that’s all :0

[chogiwritings-blog]

So I basically want to write fics but I don't know how to start (plus I only have like 11 followers so I'm sure no one would read them) I

Oh that was meeee, the best advice I could possibly offer since I'm a newbie myself is if an idea comes into your mind- write it. Do it for fun, do it because you love what you're writing! I did reactions first and then got the confidence to eventually put out my first fic, I actually have another in my drafts I'm trying to develop for after Something more! Make sure you tag your work and people will read it, it may be slow at first but just love what you do and it'll come!

[lachalaine]

WELP HERE IT GOES! i love how much depth and complexity goes into Jackie, into her feelings, her thoughts, her reactions, her heart. Your love and hard work show brilliantly bc she's interesting and complex and just a really nice character. And I love HER, too, as a character, not just as a well-written character I can appreciate. As for mun, i'm so glad you're recovering.

tell me what you think aboot me x

hello nonnie !! first of all, thank you so much for sendingthis to me !! it’s such a sweet message and made me smile a lot, you’reabsolutely precious!! and on top of that !! it’s honestly just such a relief tome when i hear people like how i created jackie.

i’ve said this before and i don’t think it’s nearly asprominent a fear anymore – a miracle !! – but i’ve always been scared at timesthat most people might find her too complicated to deal with. or might evenfind her reactions to be overbearing or her backstory and traumas to beunrealistic and not make any sense. sometimes that fear still comes up when ireply to certain things but – honestly, i’ve never been subjected to anyonetelling me that my concerns actually hold water?? (except for one person butshe caused the fear in the first place) but people have always just been likeno ?? let her do her thing?? let her freak out and have an episode and have areaction that fits with her personality and its okay its what makes her her and its just –– so reassuring tbh.like she’s such a handful and a mess sometimes but !! people don’t seem to mindtoo much like it’s just so surprising for the both of us that people accept heras much as they do thank you so much !!

i appreciate you for always being supportive of her !!because it’s honestly the first time she has sort of been subjected to thiskind of real attention and care from people and she’s always kind of rejectedit and she’s only now starting to figure out how to try to understand it ratherthan flat out run away and its – interesting to see that change in hernowadays. like yes, the development thing is actually working i’m so glad she’sgetting better !! she’s got a long way to go still but she’s not nearly asunstable as she used to feel anymore and i’m so happy hihi thankie !!

as for meeee – i want to thank you so much for your kindwords!! it’s been admittedly rough lately but things are looking up now andi’ve gotten most of my stress out and i am feeling a lot better nowadays aftertaking time out to take care of myself and fix up some issues with friends andfamily. not exactly 100% yet but ?? maybe an 80?? which is a lot better thananything else i’ve been running on lately – it felt like a 30 – and its justgood to be feeling halfway normal again hihi !! thank you so much and i willcontinue doing my best to take care of myself so i can boop on here more oftenbecause i miss being here with everyone haha thankieeeee !!!