#( childe: frozenambiguity. )

[captivemuses]

The nerve of his future husband to not let him join in causing chaos. Hmph.

[ccaptain]

@frozenambiguity​ said: «Even after all these years... Nothing has changed. Why can’t you be honest with me? With yourself?» A small ghost from the past visits the captain's... dream? Nightmare? To be determined. Perhaps his presence is unwelcomed. All matters considered, it can be torturous to face oneself and still receive judgment for your conduct. 

An ocean starry eye inspects that which he has become. He has grown taller. Apart from the natural laws of growth, however, he does not appear to have changed much. And... There it is. The sadness in his gaze. The guilt. The lies. Will they ever vanish? Will there ever be a time when he can just... exist? To be himself, his true self, without fearing external consequences? Perhaps the young boy desires to hold onto those childish, foolish dreams.

«This... emptiness. It will go away, right...?» Right? A foolish question. They both know it.

   when kaeya dreams, it’s never good. 

   even the sweetest of illusions must unravel the horror within. idealistic visages turn into alcohol-fueled night terrors: there’s blood, dismemberment and death in his mind, in every step of the way. 

   in kaeya’s dreams, nothing sits still except for a child.

   how long has he carried his innocent, young version of himself with him? he must have seen countless horrors. he must have seen his father die, the surfacing truth driving a permanent wedge between him and his beloved brother- how they both learned that rain can’t wash away sins, no matter how heavy the downpour.

   he remembers how little fingers clung to his leg as they witnessed the last of his innocence die, slaughtered by the consequence of his own actions. his mouth tasted like copper. a crimson pool was growing larger by the seconds, staining the knight’s uniform. he remembers dark cobalt hair scattered about as if it was an halo around the corpse’s head.

   here laid at their feet kaeya ragnvindr, unmoving body of someone who was full of life once.

   the child has seen a bottle of alcohol per night being depleted quickly, much quicker than the purchasing time was. how crimson stains blossomed on the white blouse as he drank it down, eager to find some peace in the numbness. 

   the adult that has failed at everything finds comfort in denying himself the pleasure of a comfortable mattress. he’s deserving of the crick in his neck and the stiffness of his shoulders in his wake.

   when his brother seems eons distant, when life has lost the taste of wonder for the unknown, when the days are monotonous repeats of the previous one- kaeya keeps persisting, one foot in front of the other. 

   he doesn’t know why. perhaps it’s out of spite.

   there’s this sense of vindication in stubbornly staying alive after he has ruined everything- not a thing is salvageable, there’s not an home to turn to- not anymore. wherever he looks, there’s just the vastness of the mistakes that he’s made to suffer. there’s no backpedaling. there’s no turning back.

   he’s lost, his raft is falling apart, and he has stopped fearing the abyssal depths calling for him. 

   how does he start to explain, where...? the child’s questions crash on him like waves, and he wishes to drown to avoid answering. it’d be such a relief is water filled his lungs, preventing him from uttering a single word. it’s a confrontation that’s long overdue.

   yet, kaeya cannot answer.

   please, he begs to no one in particular, shaky hands slowly coming up to shield his face from that gaze. please, how can i...

   kaeya alberich refuses to let a child look at his despairing expression. he is nothing but a coward, each shake of his shoulder a shameful one.

   he should be a knight, able to protect what little innocence his past self should have had. what is he doing instead? 

   ‘ i... ‘ a swallow. locks of dark cobalt are tousled and damp with sweat, trapped between trembling digits. ‘ i wish i could... i’m... i’m sorry, sweet star, ‘ he finally manages to utter, voice cracking like stainless glass. he fails at being comforting, utterly so.

   ‘ i wish- i wish i could tell you that it will, but... i don’t know. i’m sorry, i’m so sorry- ‘

   i wish you won’t have to drown because of me. because of us.

[abyssin]

"it isn't everyday that i receive an escort. and montstadt's very own calvary captain at that." it is difficult to be certain if childe means to be amiable or calculating, the darks of his eyes an eerie combination with how his gaze dances in amusement. a harbinger like childe is unlikely to need a guide, much less a surveilling figure figure so closely related to the knights of favonius.

still, childe smiles wide, walking in pace with his new companion. "kaeya alberich, yes? i can navigate around town myself, if you have more pressing obligations at hand." / * @frozenambiguity.

[delusionaid]

@frozenambiguity sent: [ 𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐓 ] ― sender wraps a soft blanket around receiver’s shoulders , for baby ajax, during their time in the abyss.

It's cold, so so cold; colder than any winter Ajax remembers. Even on the days where your tea would freeze in your cup within minutes you could guess the sun's presence behind the clouds and trust it to come back eventually to warm your cheeks - at least for a short moment. Down here it feels different. This place, whatever it is, feels colder and darker than any place he's ever been to; here the absence of the sun is palpable in the air and leaves a chill in his bones that refuses to fade no matter how much he shivers.

And shiver he does as he's crouched down, tired from standing but too cold to sit on the ground. He doesn't cry anymore. For a while he did but soon learned that nobody will come to save him, no matter how many tears he sheds; just like he learned that calling for help will sooner lead the monsters to his location than anyone able to help. No one here is going to help him.

Except for one.

Ajax startles when the weight settles on his shoulders and he looks up with wide eyes, relaxing only when he recognizes the boy with the stars in his eyes. Kaeya. Almost greedily he pulls the blanket tighter around himself as soon as he realizes what it is, desperate to feel a bit of warmth. It's soft and instantly makes him feel less miserable and for a moment Ajax allows himself to daydream that he's back at home in his bed, cozied up in his duvet and ready to wake up from this nightmare any second.

But there is no waking up from this.

"I want to go home.." he whispers, looking at Kaeya as if telling him is all it takes.

[pertinasities]

@frozenambiguity liked for a starter!

"What's her name?" Ajax nods towards the adorable little blonde girl as she bounces away with the Acting Grand Master. In all honesty, he hadn't expected to see the Cavalry Captain so gentle with a child. Idly, he thinks Teucer might like to meet him.

He leans against the wall, eyes dragging over Kaeya. So many mysteries for one man.

"And did your Grand Master just call her a knight? I'm starting to think Diluc has a point about you guys."

[captivemuses]

And that man with said face is getting a bonus kiss because just a few will never be enough.

This is the face of a man learning the true meaning of unconditional love. His heart is fragile, and his trust in others is poor. But even if he has run shied away from vulnerability in the past, he now is coming to the realization of what being chosen feels like, without having to perform for it. Without having to go the extra mile to earn it.

[fatuispolaris-archive]

continued from @frozenambiguity

❝ well what does a guy that cosplays a pirate know about game, huh? besides, i can land dates easy, ❞ he explains, and it's... kind of the truth, because that initial part wasn't his problem. his problem was the 'landing a second date because he tended to scare everyone off' part. something about him being too intense, too unstable, and a whole bunch of other colorful (rude) insinuations about his character. is childe really that bad?

he doesn't think so.

... kaeya did have him on that last bit, though.

❝ you're right about that last bit, though. my apologies--i was on the defensive. the traveler is quite the powerful foe, and i've yet to beat them yet. i keep them in mind as a goal for me to overcome, naturally, and i always look forward to a good row with them. ❞ he takes pause for a moment to look kaeya over.

truthfully, despite what he knows of the man's position in the knights he doesn't seem too imposing. that's an unfair assessment granted the overall incompetent nature of most of the knights currently in mondstadt. he'd head varka took most of the best men with him, leaving only a handful of actual worth knights among the ranks to hold down the fort in their absence.

❝ i look forward to a good fight with anyone, really. every battle offers something to learn from and an opportunity to further hone my skills as a warrior. would you be interested? ❞

[tenebriism]

«My past isn't all that interesting. What I do find interesting, however, is your intent on discovering more about it without directly consulting the source. If you have any questions, I would gladly answer them over that drink I promised you a while back». Whether Kaeya's answers will carry veracity, however... Well. That entirely depends on the interaction. [ for dainsleif! because i live for them trying to get info out of each other ]

Carelessness will be his undoing. Not only has he been CAUGHT, but has made the grave error of UNDERESTIMATING his target. Mayhap, though, he is tired ( he has been tired for centuries, were he being wholly honest ), but that he sees POTENTIAL in Kaeya's words is evidence enough of this. If nothing else, he knows the beloved Cavalry Captain of Mondstadt can be STRATEGIC with his words, and what information he offers, but can Dainsleif well and truly claim it would be EASIER getting the information he seeks by continuing on this path of secrecy and shadows ?

" The questions that I seek to ask . . . how am I to know you plan to answer them truthfully ? " Indeed, he is tired . . . DESPERATE . . . but one thing the Bough Keeper is not is a FOOL. Kaeya, already, is off to a poor start by claiming his past is, quote, ' not all that interesting, ' when they BOTH know that is far from the truth.

Dainsleif knows Kaeya knows that HE knows there is far more to this child of Khaenri'ah than the captain may attempt to lead one to believe.

Dainsleif regards him for a moment, expression untelling of the chaotic cluster of thoughts making his head pound and his jaw ache. He is face to face with DESTINY . . . so why, then, does he not SEIZE it ? " Fine, though. We may have this drink together, then, since you have so graciously insisted. Lead the way. "

Whether he gets anything OUT of this interaction, however, is left to be seen, but he cannot deny he is looking FORWARD to not being ALONE, even if only for a little while.

@frozenambiguity ;;

[captivemuses]

@frozenambiguity

[inyvat]

“I see what you’re doing. But fine, let’s see if I’ll be able to do this.” Lumine’s sweating bullets. She’s actually never done this before. But it shouldn’t be too bad... right?

“You can have anything at all from me. So name your price, fair Kaeya. Or does my favorite Cavalry Captain have a cat stealing away his tongue?”

[dinomites]

@frozenambiguity | «It is a pleasant surprise — to be able to chat so freely about things, even the most mundane. You used to live in a world of your own, always with your guard up high and incredibly distrustful of people». The captain is not criticizing the girl in any capacity. In fact, perhaps there is a certain amusement in his words. Does the state that he describes not sound familiar? Much too familiar, he acknowledges. It, too, is applicable to a much younger blue-haired child.

«Not that you are to be blamed», Kaeya quickly explains, «The circumstances back then were… complex. Tricky. I suppose they made us start off on the wrong foot…», he chuckles briefly, crossing his arms against his chest. «I suppose that all I am trying to say is: I am glad you've grown so well, Collei».

First, there was the uneasiness of social anxiety and fear. But it slowly turned into a wave of calm. To hear the cavalry captain speak to her after leaving Mondstadt after learning that there are people out there similar to her close friend Amber.

“…thank you, Kaeya. I’m also glad that I am also able to speak with you… after what happened.” The Forest Watcher holds her cat plush closely, with the name; Cuilein-Anba. It cannot be helped to be used as a comfort item when she feels a high level of stress for herself.

[abysshearted]

@frozenambiguity:

"Diluc... and I..? We are back to being strangers...?" Features grow confused, eyebrow furrowing as the small ghost from the past haunts the burdened soul of the present. None of this makes sense. None of it.

"But we swore to each other that we would always be together. No matter what. Did we...", his voice becomes quieter, gaze dropping to the floor as he immerses himself in deep contemplation. A starry eye is unable to face his reflection from the future, and a tiny hand has no other option but to firmly grasps the fabric of his shirt.

"Did we... break that promise...?" Was it our fault? Did we ruin things, like we always do?

{{ have some trauma xoxo }}

a heavy long sigh leaves his lips. what could kaeya even blame for seeing the ghost of his past? the archons because of the outcast he is, or the abyss because it runs deep in his veins and knows his weaknesses. they're a kid... himself... it's weird... scary almost, the look in his eye, knowing fully well the damage the other will receive one day in that poor child's future, his own past.

looking away, but knowing that spirits follows him, kaeya slumps to the ground, head tilting back instead to look up at the sky. he fiddles with the cryo vision haphazardly dangling from his waist as he tries to comfort the soul. the truth hurts, both of them knew that, and deep down, kaeya could never lie to himself, even if he tried.

"...it wasn't my intention... but we... i... i fell victim to the very thing that sped up our nation's demise... you're young... you shouldn't dwell on my mistakes... i broke our promise by being a victim... but a promise is a promise, like you said. diluc's fine without me... but he's not fine without you." is it worth him implying him and his younger self are two separate people now? for his own sake, probably.

[captivemuses]

"Here I am existing, and a pretty knight is yet to kiss me. It's more tragic than me not getting to fight a certain someone in Fontaine."

Is that pout real or fake just to be played up for Kaeya while he sat at their dining room table? The world may never know.

@frozenambiguity

[captivemuses]

pat pat pat, free headpats for ajax!

Well he's not going to say no to that--

[captivemuses]

Kaeya is going to nuzzle against his love, cutely clinging to his shirt and giving him eskimo kisses. His hair is a bit disheveled from the touch against the pillow. He is sleepy, in between the realm of consciousness and the realm of pleasant dreams, but awake enough to actively seek Childe's warmth. It is his own special way of saying "I love you. Goodnight" without having to use any words.

Childe had been lulling himself to sleep holding Kaeya with one hand and the other idly playing with the long blue strands that had found rest near his fingers. The room had been quiet for some time now, save for the regular inhales and exhales from the two men sharing a bed. Movements were sparse, and Kaeya consciously nuzzling into Childe's chest was the first thing in awhile to pull him from the unconsciousness that was trying to take hold of his body and mind.

It was such a simple gesture, one that came with a lot of unspoken words that didn't need to be for Childe to hear them. There was a vulnerability that came with sharing a bed with someone, and even if it was far from the first time Kaeya had allowed the Harbinger to let his head rest on the same pillow as him, that didn't mean each time he could fall asleep holding the man he loved wasn't appreciated. And though Childe's eyes didn't open up even after Kaeya went still again, he didn't need to in order to let his lips press to the top of Kaeya's head to return the affection and the unspoken 'I love you'. He knew that Kaeya knew he did.

[captivemuses]

Starter for @frozenambiguity

Childe couldn't remember the last time he'd been sent to Mondstat and he knew he have to tread lightly after the former Eighth Harbinger walked in to the city, attacked the anemo Archon, and walked right back out. But orders from the Tsaritsa were orders and she knew Tartaglia was good at talking and getting a job done.

He just didn't think it would come in the form of overseeing some newer Fatui agents and making sure they did their job. Babysitting was pretty boring most of the time, but it was better than sitting around at headquarters not having much to do.

Childe had already been briefed on the names and faces of the higher ranking Knights of Favonius that he would likely come into contact while he was in Mondstat. The Acting Grand Master wasn't seen out as often, but Childe knew the other high ranking officers could be seen around the city at any time during the day.

Civilians were still talking about a festival that had concluded not even a week ago that seemed to be a big deal for the city, and now Childe was half-wishing the Tsaritsa had sent him a week earlier so the start of his latest mission could've been a bit more interesting to start off. But at least for now Childe was sitting and enjoying some of the local cuisine while he waited for one of his agents to bring him a status report on the new recruits.