#( brain go durrrrr )

[skoolbully-a]

@dhufeainnewedd​​   said   :   ‘  you   wanna   play   ?   let’s   fucking   play   .   😏   ‘

THREE   IS   A   GOOD   NUMBER   .   it’s   so   good   that   they   made   a   saying   about   it   ,   and   that’s   how   you   know   it’s   the   real   deal   .   three   french   hens   ,   three   primary   colours   ,   three   hanson   brothers   ...   and   three   best   friends   ––   two   of   whom   are   about   to   betray   the   one   ,   one   of   who   will   betray   the   other   ,   and   the   third   who’ll   eventually   try   to   keep   the   other   two   afloat   while   they   try   their   best   to   drown   her   .   (   but   like �� ,   yeah   .   three’s   a   good   number   .   )   rosie   isn’t   here   ,   though   .   said   something   about   her   dad   ,   except   he   thinks   that   might   be   crap   .   truth   is   ,   she’s   kinda   been   looking   like   shit   in   the   way   that   only   users   can   look   like   shit   (   which   is   to   say   :   beautiful   ,   with   the   weight   of   the   whole   world   circling   beneath   their   eyes   )   ,   and   he’s   got   this   suspicion   that   it   isn’t   really   her   dad   that’s   got   her   fucked   up   .   (   sucks   !   ben   que   c’est   la   vie   .   )   so   it’s   just   him   and   ishtar   ,   falling   in   and   out   of   one   another   as   they   make   their   rounds   .

breathe   in   ,   breathe   out   ,   chase   the   dragon   .   vicious   cycle   of   ebbs   and   flows   ––   ecstasy   :   limbs   heavy   ,   mouth   numb   as   he   speaks   in   slurs   and   smiles   to   people   whose   names   he’s   already   forgotten   /   calm   explosions   in   his   head   ,   rapture   ascending   as   he   passes   from   room   to   room   .   (   casper   the   friendly   ghost   !   not   dead   yet   ,   but   close   enough   .   )   he’s   talking   to   some   girl   ,   too   caught   up   in   the   glittering   of   her   lip   gloss   to   really   hear   the   words   ,   when   ishtar   comes   back   from   whatever   cowboy   adventure   she’d   been   on   .   a   hand   on   his   wrist   ,   fingers   grazing   against   a   shitty   friendship   bracelet   he   hasn’t   been   able   to   get   off   (   it   tickles   /   he   laughs   /   the   sound   doesn’t   sound   like   his   own   .   cool   .   )   he   follows   her   ,   same   as   he’d   follow   any   of   his   friends   to   the   grave   ,   head   nodding   liberally   with   every   step   .   kitchen   ,   dining   room   ,   living   room   ––   it’s   all   the   same   .   just   another   shrine   to   american   suburbia   ,   ordained   by   pictures   of   nuclear   families   with   the   same   bland   ,   say-cheese   smiles   .   he   doesn’t   really   know   where   they   are   anymore   ,   but   people   are   dancing   and   the   lyrics   echoing   in   his   ears   sound   like   they’re   backwards   and   the   lights   hopscotch   across   the   floor   and   walls   in   neon   streaks   and   ––   (   woah   .   )   they   sway   /   they   laugh   /   they’re   together   in   the   effortless   way   that   they   so   often   are   ...   and   then   she   taunts   him   ––   you   wanna   play   ?   let’s   fucking   play   ––   and   he   kind   of   comes   to   the   realization   that   she   isn’t   ‘   just   ishtar   ’   /   and   she   smiles   like   how   she   smiles   ––   mischievous   ,   in   the   way   that   makes   you   believe   she   really   sees   you   ––   and   he   kind   of   comes   to   the   realization   that   she   was   never   ‘   just   ishtar   ’   .   fuck   .   for   all   the   chemicals   dancing   through   his   veins   ,   glowing   iridescent   beneath   flashing   lights   and   pulsing   with   the   beat   of   indistinct   music   ––   they   still   don’t   numb   the   pain   .   (   and   soon   he’ll   find   out   that   they   don’t   really   kill   the   urge   ,   neither   ...   so   what’s   the   fucking   point   ?   )   

wake   up   !   but   his   eyes   are   already   open   ;   it’s   his   hands   pressed   against   his   ears   ,   shielding   a   racing   mind   from   the   intrusion   of   rational   thought   ,   that’re   the   real   danger   .   (   face   the   truth   ,   kid   .   you   could   calm   the   storm   if   you   wanted   to   .   )   except   that   he   doesn’t   want   to   .   typhoons   destroy   all   they   touch   ,   sweeping   the   foundations   of   loving   homes   away   in   waves   of   mud   and   tears   ––   he   knows   this   .   how   many   times   have   beams   buckled   and   broken   beneath   the   flood   of   jimbo   fucking   jones   :   the   boy   who’s   all   emotion   and   chaos   and   broken   promises   ?   it’s   the   moments   before   the   tide   breaches   the   shore   ,   standing   on   foggy   beaches   and   looking   into   the   jaws   of   a   watery   grave   with   splayed   arms   and   salted   skin   ,   that   keep   him   coming   back   .   the   danger   !   the   exhilaration   !   the   impending   destruction   !   (   the   very   things   that   make   it   wrong   make   it   so   goddamn   irresistible   .   )   ishtar   isn’t   any   different   .   she’s   a   risk   to   gamble   on   /   a   warning   sign   wrapped   in   barbed   wire   ,   and   the   pain   of   pricking   hungry   fingers   on   the   corners   of   what   she   signifies   is   itself   the   reward   .   ––––   a   means   to   an   end   (   euphoria   )   rather   than   an   end   in   and   of   itself   .

❛  you won’t win ,  izzy .  ❜      a   coy   smile   ,   dark   lashes   blinking   lazily   against   an   invisible   haze   .   his   view   of   life   is   invariably   through   a   plastic   bag   ;   she’s   kind   of   like   the   crudely   printed   smiley   face   on   the   front   ,   drifting   aimlessly   through   the   wind   .   jimbo   uses   a   finger   to   raise   her   chin   ,   scrutinizing   the   micro-expressions   on   her   face   /   trying   to   read   her   intentions   from   the   blue   of   her   eyes   .   his   grin   grows   crooked   ,   just   a   little   too   wicked   to   be   innocent   .      ❛  i’m the better player .  ❜      probably   because   he’s   got   the   game   rigged   .   he   can’t   help   it   !   damaged   teenagers   have   this   impulse   to   find   people   just   like   him   ––   run   their   fingers   jagged   edges   until   they   find   a   crack   to   fill   .   then   they   pour   themselves   into   the   broken   bits   ,   conflating   affection   (   or   whatever   abstraction   of   it   passes   between   empty   texts   and   unfastened   zippers   )   with   love   .   like   it’s   a   plaster   /   like   the   body’s   a   construction   site   /   like   he   can   be   patched   together   again   with   warm   hands   and   lipstick   stains   .   amateurs   .   they   act   surprised   when   the   fissures   don’t   disappear   and   he   slips   out   from   between   their   fingers   ,   but   by   the   time   they   realize   they’ve   been   conned   …   he’s   already �� wandering   down   the   middle   of   an   empty   street   with   his   face   turned   up   against   flickering   streetlights   .   it’s   not   his   fault   that   he’s   got   the   kind   of   dirty   freckles   and   broken   smiles   and   bloodied   lips   that   people   think   they   can   fix   .   (   all   he   does   is   capitalize   on   it   ,   because   ––   really   ––   it’s   the   closest   thing   to   love   he’ll   ever   get   .   )   he’s   not   conceited   enough   to   assume   ishtar   wants   to   fix   him   ;   he   knows   her   too   well   to   think   that   for   more   than   a   second   .   nah   .   it   ain’t   that   serious   for   her   ––   it’s   jokes   ,   man   !   she   don’t   want   to   fix   him   …   she   just   wants   to   fill   the   hole   inside   herself   with   rocks   engraved   with   names   .   and   it’s   ,   like   ,   cool   .   but   does   she   know   that   one   wrong   move   will   knock   the   whole   damn   pile   over   ,   leaving   her   with   no   choice   but   to   shovel   the   shit   out   of   herself   with   dirty   hands   and   broken   nails   ?   would   it   change   anything   if   she   did   ?

❛  –––besides .  i don’t think this is a game we’re allowed to play ,  –’nd you don’t break any rules that count .  ❜      and   it’s   true   ,   except   that   ––   coming   from   him   ––   it’s   bullshit   .   (   a   challenge   ?   definitely   .   an   invitation   ?   maybe   .   but   an   honest   appeal   to   their   good   senses   ?   absolutely   not   .   )   for   all   of   the   moralistic   words   ,   it’s   not   like   he   actually   moves   away   /   it’s   not   like   he   stops   staring   at   her   the   way   that   a   dog   stares   at   a   bone   .   he   lets   go   of   her   chin   and   taps   his   index   finger   ,   a   little   harshly   ,   against   the   bridge   of   her   nose   .   it’s   just   part   of   the   game   ,   love   .      ❛  so ... match point .  y’know ?  calling your bluff .  ❜

[demonslayedher]

okay bestie, i'm not sure if you've talked about this before, but when it comes to demon slayer Nezuko (not post-canon au, but like a swap au), how do you think she'd do her hair? she leaves it down because she can't do it herself as a demon, but it seems as though a bun was pretty traditional for her. additionally, most other female characters wear their hair up similarly, with the exception of a lot of female demon slayers, who do ponytails, braids, pigtails, etc. is that abnormal for the time period or could it be due to many of those slayers' high statuses?

Um... so-o-o-o-o.... I meant to answer this with my other role-swap demon slayer Nezuko AU Asks, and I even went looking for it because I really felt there was more than two of them, but then I lost sight of that part of the Ask and was just like, "hairstyles!! Taisho hairstyles!!" And now I'm back, like, 'oh, durrrrr, this is fully in the context of role swap Nezuko, uhhhh' and once again I must confess to everything confessed on the response to other the other role swap Nezuko Asks. ^^;; Clearly my brain still remembered to answer some of it as I originally had meant to answer them all together. But also, I have loved Nezuko is EVERY HAIRSTYLE I have ever seen her in, be it Gotouge's art, Ufotable's art, or a plethora of canon-esque or AU after AU after AU of fanart. This child looks good in everything. Nezuko truly is the beauty of our hometown.

And anyway, I did not do the homework as assigned, but I dug up some Taisho period reference instead of relying on general familiarity with it (I'm not a fashion historian, but I have enjoyed history and fashion and Taisho Roman for a very very long time). So I have this to offer!

Yes, yes, I know, while this was just for fun, I need to show my work and explain my answer, and maybe I can at least get partial credit even for having done the wrong assignment. And turning it in late.

Since I am not a fashion historian, I'm going to keep it brief, starting with a review of late Meiji/early Taisho history touched on in this post about marriage and courtship in the era. Basically, Taisho was an exciting, experimental time! Girls were enjoying freedoms and influence over popular culture like never before, especially going all out on fashion in those precious years before they were married and expected to act the role of a demure, subservient wife. And they loved trying new things with their hair, either on their own or in salons!

At least, that was the case if you were a rich girl, with the luxury of higher education and no necessity to work. If you were a girl in countryside, life was virtually still like it was in the Edo Period. Since the rich city girls are what most people think of when they picture Taisho fashion, let's jump back to that a moment and clarify that a lot of what feels signature Taisho, especially Art Deco inspired fashions, didn't really take off until the 1920's, later in the relatively shorter Taisho period, whereas KnY more likely takes place in early Taisho. A lot of what I included above (specific Tamayo and Nezuko's looks) are from a bit later. To get a clearer look at what fashions would had influenced the KnY cast, looking at the late Meiji styles will give us a more accurate picture. By this time, city girls were already very experimental with their (still generally kept long) hair, and they lo-o-o-o-o-oved ribbons.

In the countryside, girls generally never cut their hair beyond childhood, but kept their long hair bound like Nezuko does. There wasn't exactly a taboo against leaving your hair down, though, school girls were popularizing long braids too. Nezuko does seem to have picked up a taste for the ribbon trend! Maybe she can't afford a nice kimono, but that much is within her means. Another fashion standard of the time was that when girls wore haori, they were long haori that went below the knees. Speaking of clothes, Western style clothes were still difficult to attain, so even among the affluent this was something reserved for special occasions. Even in the busiest areas of Tokyo, you'd only see may be 1 in 7 people in fully Western attire. You'd be hard-pressed to see anyone in Western attire in the countryside, much less wearing fine material like silk. Nezuko's kimono is like a cotton or hemp or a blend, and that asanoha pattern may very well be a lose rendition on sashiko stitching, which could reinforce the durability of the clothes (though to be effective, the patterns would be much smaller).

So we can gather than Nezuko, despite living a very traditional and thrifty life, does keep up with fashions within her means. Since her sewing projects were high enough quality to sell for profit (according to Fanbook #1), she probably had good taste, too. So with all that in mind, we do see female demon slayers who have chosen practical hairstyles, like Ozaki and other girls present at Muzan's defeat with a tight ponytails, or like the girl at Rengoku's Final Selection and one of Shinobu's Tsuguko, who cropped their hair short. Those girls are likely orphans who have lost every shred of normalcy they ever had; there is no reason for them to keep to traditions and fashions, and they may not feel the time or even interest for cute hairstyle trends. So what would Nezuko do?

Like I said, I like everything I've seen, and I feel like any hairstyle could be justified as long it both appeals to her tastes (both traditional and trendy) and her sense of practicality.

And now for more!! Like I said, I went looking for reference instead of trusting my own (apparently unreliable) memory! Here's some stuff especially about Taisho school girl fashion trends, and here's a wider array of hairstyles with years of reference included. And here's a Japanese blog page with a bunch of street fashion photos from the 1920's and later, showcasing "moga" (modern girl") fashion. There is so much to say about the fashion-forward Taisho period that this is just a tiny sample, but again, a lot of the really fun stuff isn't quite relevant until Kiyo-chan, Naho-chan, and Sumi-chan are the target ages for those trends!

[crystal-jack-asripines]

OP.... I love this and you but this image has caused me so much anguish.....

Megamind humanization Cuz why not

[horrible-monstrosity]

some nonsense about capitalism, and some more nonsense with the egg girl being far too willing to act for herself, which just raises questions about how this works and why these girls need saving in the first place and bla bl a bla also brownie, who we haven't even seen fight before, has like five different weapons already... dude just let the other girls modify their weapons if they can imagine it in place of randos giving main girl random shit that just works for some reason. second ep, main sees gynmasts gym whip and thinks, what if I did that and makes her own weapon change like that; third/fourth seeing the two fan girls being friends inspires main girl to tell idol girl we needs to do the teamwork and they both work their weapons into something matching and do the thing. this would also imply that summoning two related girls gets you an approximately twice-as-strong monster, as though their monsters had merged rather than spawning as seperate entities, which would be implied to be what happened when brownie cracked like 20 eggs at once if THE SHOW EVER FUCKING ADDRESSES THAT also man bad woman victim a bloo bloo blooo

hey remmer last episde wehn muh sawki name was cliffhanger dramatic? now they jus dump it on us that the mom recognises her and she just says she's his niece. glad to know i don't need to care about that either thanks main namedrops koito aka suicide girl like she expects the other two to know who the actual fuck she's talking about so brownie can exposition to them that she's the girl main's trying to save without having to actually write main having any emotions about having a dead fucking friend she's trying to bring back, like she might have to pause slightly before she says "my friind who committed fucking suicide because of me" wow that'd be too hard to write... not that they didn't already kill it by having her just casually, emotionlessly namedrop the girl in the first place. idol girl then immeeeeeeediately decides sudoku girl was sucking sawasaki man's dick and that's why she killed herself, right to the face of main girl who has likely considered this many times over and who should be pretty fucking fucked up about this shit, who idol girl knows damn well should have thought about this and that maybe saying a girl's friend fucking killed herself for some teacher love scandal reason is kind of a dick move... and main barely fucking reacts. OK, COOL. AND THEN THE TEACHER INSTANTLY APPEARS AT THE HOUSE AT THAT EXACT MOMENT A AHAHAHAHAH H AH DHFSDUBGUBGTEV BYSU Y OES5YSYUYYYBRND BY65 YRBYB YIB8TU A4YT4W6 T UGG U FUCK OFF SHOW uncle adopts cats so he can't be bad.......??????? I mean I'm entirely sure this show will, in the next second immediately after I unpause this shit, immediately turn the teacher into the most absurd superdemon ever known to mankind so it can smear the slurry of MAN BAYUD WOMUN VBICTUMUUUUUMMM in our faces like the slurry of brain-diarhea coming out of thw writing staff's ears, but that doesn't actually excuse anything, gendergirl. Maybe he was kind to the girl like he's kind to his cats and that's why she fell in love with him, and whatever happened next wasn't even his fault. you dumb fuck.

lol they mentioned the injuries again lol they're still pretending that's an actual functioning plot point lol somehow asking mom-chan about why sudoku-chan fucking died turned into telling her about the dream fights... those two things have nothing to do with each other and can be completely separated. what the fuck.

lololololidolgirl has abusive mom completlely offscreen and she's just telling us lololololololol but talking about main's dad simply leaving turns into "lol men weak and bad can't hanble stronb wimun" lol fuck off

for some reason, or for absolutely no reason, or because the writers are pretentions tards who're like 'lookit how smurt we ar durrrrr' we cut from the meaningless grousing exposition schoolgirl slice-of-life club with brownie laughing to the not-sees laughing as brownie saves a grown-ass woman who tries to give her hair-care tips... "ain'tcha gonna ask why i diiiiiiied?" nope, brownie has as much interest in your meaningless exposition as I do. I'd say as the audience does, but you know there's a fuckload of dunning-krugers eating this shit up and claiming you only don't like it becus it needs u think durr even though thinking about this shit for five seconds is enough to show how much of a pile of bullshit it is. also, remember the first episode where it was kept beautifully ambiguous whether the girl main was saving had actually done the sudoku, or if she was considering it and being saved there would help her have the strength to keep living or some shit, or if she was a conceptual personification of a suicidal bullying victim created out of the subconcious of humanity and not even a real existing person? especially since she somehow knew what was happening, making it seem like she'd been through this before, like she'd been hatched and saved (or failed to be saved) previously? naw let's just spoonfeed everything to the audience, anally even. here's your suppository of bullshit. i know they'd already made it fairly clear the girls being saved had done the sudoku, but this "durrr do you know that uhhhhhh i'm dead?" bit is just... jesus christ shut the fuck up show, shut the fuck up what's the line between sudoku girls who end up as statues and ones who end up in eggs? could one of the main casts' sudoku girls end up in one of the others' eggs, or even in one of their own (especially given someone else can buy the egg for them and they don't even need to crack it themselves to get slapped into a fight) and end up being saved? how would that affect the statue's progress? what the fuck is any of this shit, even?

brownie slaps the shit out of haircare girl lol and the monster is... a hair-care monster. i... why the fuck are there two of them this time? sorry, three of them?? you'd think the "mirror mirror" shit would imply a theme of duality because reflections and shit but just... "how do i beat them?" fuck i don't know you're the mahu shuju here you figure it out then it....... cuts to the middle of the day with brownie hanging out with the rest of the girls... WHAT THE FUCK? so was that a flashback (for no fucking reason), did she beat them offscreen after having gone home and gone to sleep offscreen as well since it jumped to this from them hanging at main's home? what the fuck is happening and why the fuck should i care, show? and what we cut away to was a bunch of incoherent fucking babble in random fucking locations as the girls walk... somewhere for no reason at all... yeah, this was worth cutting off the battle for! i... after enough wandering they sit down to eat in some abandoned-ass-looking fucking I don't know where the fuck they are and... THE EGG PEOPLE TELL THEM TO BUY THEIR EGGS AND LEAVE. WHERE THE FUCK IN EGGLAND DID THEY FIND FOOD? DOES THE FOOD ACTUALLY EXIST? WILL EATING IT MAKE THEM FAT? WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY? WHY DOES EGGWORLD EVEN HAVE A PLACE LIKE THIS? WHEN  DID THEY GET HERE? THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF THIS? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-- ........................the egg people turn on the lights for them and let them pkay game because.............................. aegIibuGHUHgHGbgb i thought they wre unfeeling and caulous vgny yueyy y jb that was like their one character trait you rubbed in in out faces how tyey were ht0hing but a shitty kyuibey ripoff dgbbky yr dj jffj why should they care? why did the girls even try to appeal to their sympathies for a fucking bowling game when they had previously been shown to have none?? agdaaaaaaaaaaaa

do fucking selfies carry over to the real world? who the fuck cares? gender girl tries to garner more sympathy with the audience by repeating her exact same gripes and character traits but this time with selfies. i could not care less. apparently we're supposed to care that 'ura-acca', whichever the fuck of the eggmen that even is, being softer on the girls than... other acca, even though they've been shown to have no appreciable differences before this, and also they're both completely offscreen so it's hard to even associate these shiny new character traits with whichever one of them is supposed to be doing it. what the fuck is the point of any of this again? "so buy your eggs and go to sleep"- WHAT THE FUDK I THOUGHT EGG-BUYING HAPPENED IN THE DREAMOWLRD TO BEING WITH. FUCKING MAIN CHARACTER SAID SHE WAS IN A DREAM WHEN THE CICADA STARTED TALKING TO HER AND THEN SHE WAS LED TO THE EGG-MACHINE. THIS PLACE EXISTS IN THE WAKING WORLD? CAN PEOPLE JUST FUCKING WALK IN HERE BECAUSE IT JUST ACTUALLY FUCKING EXISTS? WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU just as we're wondering why the fuck these girls don't just fucking buy their eggs already and get on with it idol girl just fucking suggests that they just fucking give up with it and stop buying eggs. fuuuuuuuuuuck I'd been long wondering about what the fuck was going to keep them doing eggs if they didn't want to, but it's just going to be something fucking dumb and they're just going to slam us in the fucking face with it like a fucking frying pan aren't they. also, idolgirl is just fucking saying this to the face of ura acca and other acca after they'd been bitching at the girls to get a move on, which just seems... really cheap and lazy on both her part and the writers' part. you wasted acca-kuns' time for nothing you little brat! also also, this is the girl with the derpest feelungs evurr who cut herself over the sudoku, whose dreamworl overrode main's? yeah remember that? she actually doesn't give a fuck and is going to give up now lol. ha ha bitch bye lolololol "im w9man so muh emotions spwepwpt away" you dumb fucker. and yeah, it's true that feeling guilty shouldn't mean you need to risk your life for some unknown payoff (none of the girls have even gotten CLOSE to reviving a statue as far as I can tell), but you'd think this conversation would come after a near-death harrowing battle or some shit, not just WANDERING AROUND AND EATING DREAM SNACKS AND TALKING ABOUT FUCKALL YOU LITTLE SHIT. Or after actually connecting with the main cast and making actual real-life friendships with them, with the idea that she has in real life now what she was missing when sudoku did the sudoku, but the main cast has absolutely no chemistry. The writers want us to think they do, but they just don't. "someone has to be the bad guy!" real funny line considering there's no real villain in this show, or conflict, or anything... but no, no one needs to be the bad guy, this whole "durr we riskung our lives for nutttun" came out of nowhere for no reason, we don't need it, and then yeah she informs us all that "we freinds" because durp. You were the one shittalking her dead best friend to her face either like five minutes ago or a day ago depending on how the fuck this is actually supposed to be paced, you fucknaut. None of these girls actually know each other aside from babbling about their shitty backstories and idol in particular is just an asshole. I hate this fucking show lol then... brownie......... dumpers her exposition backstory on us and it's EVEN DUMBER THAN ANYTHING BEFORE, SOMEHOW. naw, she has a huge fucking fuckoff scar all down her back from being...... stabbed, because a knife stabwound is like having your entire spine ripped out, and WE'VE NEVER HEARD ABOUT THIS AT ALL, SOMEHOW, OR EVEN GOTTEN A HINT OF IT, and somehow SHE KNEW FROM THE START THAT GOING TO EGGWORL WOULD MAKE HER SCAR HURT LESS BECAUSE IT MAKE U SWONGER, BECAUSE IF SHE DIDN'T KNOW THAT FROM THE START AND DIDN'T WANT TO SAVE HER SISTER WHY THE FUCK WOULD SHE START GOING THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE? and then finally eggmang tells us there was no reason for anyone to keep going to the eggworl in the first place, at all, ever, so they can all just give up if they decide they don't care abymore. GREAT, NICE TO KNOW I DEON'T NEED TO CARE ABOUT THAT EITHER, THANKS SHOW, YOU FUCKWIT.

then finally we get back the hair battle that happened..... whothe fuck knows when, it turns out the real monster is the egg girl some fucking how, brownie has a stupid fucking catchpjhrase because fuck you, the monater was actually egg girl's hair actually because that doesn't make any sense either, fuck you. why was this battle chosen as the one to flash back to repeatedly like it's indicative of brownie's storyline somehow? At least gendergirl's exposition battles were related to her dumb fucking issues, this shit's just random.

and then idol girl goes to... buy... the fucking egg...... even though she just said..................... sob eggman 2 tricked them into buying the eggs by saying nthyey didn't need to buy the eggs, some bullshit about teenage rebellion and reverse psychology, like he said "absolutely don't buy the eggs" instead of a wishy-washy "eeeeeeeeeif you want to or not auiehgfgh". why the fuck do they want them to buy the eggs again? and then eggman 1 has this... fucking..... "animation" of it """laughing"""" just by its stupid fucking solid black triangle of a mouth blinking in and out of existence and the artists see fit to put this right smack in the middle of the full screen for a good second so we can look at how good their animation is gsdfhdfhmvf  dtjf f then brownie looks sad or something, because having her reneg(g)e on the backstory and conviction they just exposited to us five seconds ago and didn't actually integrate or develop in the fuckinbg slightest is good writign fck, this shit i'm logging into my anime list and giving this show a 1 out of 10 i'm done

[kamenwriter]

So I saw Guardians of the Galaxy 3 Thor: Ragnarok today.

And I really feel like that opener says it all. But I can’t think of a time I was do let down by a film since The Dark Knight Rises (and before that Men in Black II) so I’m feeling especially ranty. I’ll try to open up with a spoiler-free review and then we’ll dive into specific spoilery examples behind a cut.

So yeah, the stink of Guardians of the Galaxy is all over this movie. And that sucks because Guardians of the Galaxy is the best at being Guardians of the Galaxy and Thor shouldn’t be that. And I want to be clear I’m not talking about the visual design of the film. I think the costume/set design is glorious, and works with the context of the story presented. Thor isn’t on Asgard for most of the film so it’s not gonna look like Asgard where he is. I’m talking about the tonal feel of the movie. Which is basically HERE’S 200 JOKES AND PRATFALLS OH AND THAT AWESOME SONG FROM THE 70s YOU LIKE.

Any time this movie gets within a FOOT of having a strong emotional moment it is IMMEDIATELY undercut with a fucking joke that takes away any impact the moment might have had. Yes, jokes are important to regain levity after a strong emotional moment, but YOU NEVER HAVE THOSE BECAUSE THEY’RE SANDWICHED BETWEEN TWO FUCKING JOKES. Yes, it’s important to have comic relief characters because if everyone is serious it’s boring. UNLESS YOU DO THE OPPOSITE AND HAVE EVERY CHARACTER BE COMIC RELIEF. THEN IT’S BORING AGAIN.

And with the caveat that I always offer, I’m at a point where I’m super critical of films because I’m trying so hard to personally improve as a writer, and there were plenty of times the audience I was sitting in was laughing out loud and I wasn’t. And it usually was because I saw the joke coming a mile away. I think once the film gave me a slight chuckle, but outside of that I was rolling my eyes so far back into my head I could see my brain.

Which is a pity, because the overall story arc of this film is decent. There’s a plot here that ties up a lot of loose ends from previous films, pushes any future films into a new direction (which would actually reference a well received era of the comics if they’re going where I think they are) and could, if handled properly, been an amazing and gripping story. 

Instead it’s just jokes and big special effects and more jokes and ha ha man fell down funny durrrrr.

Angry and Spoilery complaints after the cut:

“I bet you’re wondering how I wound up here” god fucking save me I knew we were in trouble right from the get go

“Immigrant Song” is a fun ballad to kick ass to, but it feels really out of place in this film, especially since it’s used twice and is the only “song” in the movie. 

Thor has dreams of Asgard burning, we could have opened with this dream and then dovetailed into his arrival on Asgard but GOTG WAS A HIT. SO WE GOTTA HAVE A FIGHT SET TO SEVENTIES MUSIC TO OPEN THIS FILM.

The Doctor Strange scene stinks of “we filmed the Thor cameo in Doctor Strange before we knew what the plot of Ragnarok would be” especially since by the director’s own admission they changed the location of the Odin scenes in post.

Also the Doctor Strange scene is just a long “ha ha man fall down” joke that goes on way to long.

Thank god the Odin scenes weren’t a bunch of jokes which I imagine had a lot to do with ANTHONY FUCKING HOPKINS being there.

Fandral and Volstagg die without so much as a moment of dialog.

Hogun gets some dialog to make up for his lack of anything to do in the last film and then dies.

Sif is where? Did she die in Agent of SHIELD when I wasn’t paying attention?

Thor having pratfalls throughout the entire film.

The fucking willy wonka reference when we meet the game master.

Does Bruce Banner have a fucking personality beyond “wow that girl is hot when she beats people up” in the MCU anymore?

Alien gladiators R2D2 and C3PO would have been okay comic relief characters if everyone else in the cast wasn’t all ready fulfilling that role. 

Same goes for The Game Master’s flamboyance, him and the two above were all the comedy this film needed.

EVEN FUCKING HELA HAD A “DURR WORDS ARE HARD” JOKE LINE. FUCKING SAVE ME.

If the score in this movie weren’t forgettable hollywood dreck maybe, just maybe Thor losing an eye would have had some impact.

BUT FUCK DECENT SCORING HERE’S “IMMIGRANT SONG” A SECOND TIME. I MEAN THE FIGHT HAPPENING DOESN’T REALLY HAVE ANY IMPACT OR WEIGHT THE WAY IT’S PRESENTED SO JUST LISTEN TO ZEPPELIN INSTEAD!

Chekov’s helmet, which makes me wonder if that opening scene was only there because the writers wrote themselves into a corner with how to defeat Hela. 

And at the end, you have Thor, finally (symbolically) taking his throne as King of Asgard, reunited with his brother, leading his people to a new land. What a strong and powerful moment. SHIT BETTER HAVE C3PO AND R2D2 MAKE A FUCKING JOKE.

I’ve more or less given up any hope that Infinity War will be decent. God please just let Black Panther be good.