#( bien que les étoiles ne parlent pas même en étant silencieux ils crient ⋆｡°✩ ) replies

[astral-athame]

"You've been staring at me."

@theeclipse

@theeclipse

Oops. Looks like she'd been caught. "Sorry," She didn't deny it, just apologized with a sheepish smile and tried to decide on an excuse that wasn't just the truthful 'you're hot and I couldn't look away'. "I haven't seen you around here before," A poor excuse, but it would work for now, she hoped. "This bar is a little out of the way, I'm not used to seeing too many new faces here." Cassia didn't frequent the bar to drink, exactly- she'd maybe have one or two drinks some nights, but mostly she came here with the band. Even though they'd gotten a lot more popular recently, they still liked to play smaller venues sometimes, and considering a performance at this bar, in particular, is what got them written about the first time, they tended to come back here to perform a lot.

Tonight, though, her band wasn't performing, Cassia was just here to have a couple drinks and talk to some of the patrons she knew from concerts.

[astral-athame]

"Oh? You cook, too? What is there you can't do?" She grinned, reaching out her free hand to brush her fingers against his cheek. He was full of surprises, it seemed. And good ones, at that. "I'm not too fussy," She told him, "Pancakes sound really good right now, though." She gave his hand a little squeeze in hers, resisting the urge to kiss him again, knowing if she started she might not be able to stop. She moved in closer again at his flirtations, nearly pressing up against him. "Let's just say... last night was only the beginning. And there are plenty of other rooms we haven't had fun in yet," She winked. Then, his hand still in hers, she gently lead him out towards the kitchen.

The more he was spending time with Cass and getting to know her the more he liked being around her. And if their time together was any proof, she was definitely his kind of person. At the mention of breakfast, Eliasz had an idea. “I could always make something..do you have a preference?”he asked curiously. As Eliasz was pretty much happy to make her whatever she wanted. “Hmm I do have a lot of energy either way..so how about you elaborate a little on those plans..” Eliasz suggested flirtatiously.

[astral-athame]

“ it's the third one this week. are you sure everything's okay? “ nilza

@southern-belle-outcasts

Cassia didn't usually have nightmares- in fact, she didn't usually dream at all. It was ironic considering she was so good at dreamwalking, but it was the truth. Of course, she did have the occasional nightmare, so when she'd had the first one on Monday night, despite it frightening her so badly she couldn't get back to sleep, she hadn't thought much of it. But now? It was only Thursday and she was on nightmare three... and they were getting increasingly worse. Usually she could control her dreams, too, change characters, the plot, all of it. But she had had no control, no matter how hard she tried. Something was wrong, but she didn't know what. The last time something like this had happened...

"Yeah, yeah, everything's okay," She hated lying to Nilza, but she hated the idea of worrying her even more. How was she meant to tell her what was going on, anyway, if Cassia wasn't even sure what it meant? "It's just stress, I think." Cass was trying to wave it off, but she was clearly out of sorts and soaked through her tank top in a cold sweat. She climbed out of bed, trying her best to keep her body from too obviously trembling. She felt feverish- cold and hot all at once. She felt the need to pace. Maybe she could do so in the living room, away from Nil, where she wouldn't bother her. Or maybe it'd be better to go out for a run in the cold night air. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. You should get back to sleep."

[astral-athame]

📸 @ drjxng

@drjxng

Send 📸 for my muse to catch yours sneaking a photo of them

A nice, little, coffee date- or was it a date? No, she supposed not. They'd never said it was and she didn't feel like she was able to ask, yet, if they were anything more serious than just casual. But even if it wasn't an actual date, it was still nice just getting to see him. She knew he had a busy life and, admittedly, her own wasn't especially relaxed, either. So even finding just a half hour or so to sit down at their usual meeting spot and chat was enough for her.

Cassia had gone up to order their drinks, giving Mikoto a bit of time to sit down and relax (she knew he probably wouldn't have much time to sit down and relax once he was back at work). It was on her way back, as she neared the table, that she saw Mikoto's less-discrete-than-he-was-probably-hoping attempt to take a photo of her. His phone was positioned right that he could just be looking at it, checking a text, but it was held just carefully enough that she was pretty sure he had his camera app open. "Are you taking a photo of me?" She asked, her lips quirked into a playful smirk. She clearly had no issue with it. In fact, their coffees still in hand, she struck a little pose for him before laughing at herself for it. She placed the coffees on their table, passing his along to him, before sitting down across from Mikoto as she always did. "You know, Mikoto, if you wanted a picture, all you had to do was ask." She teased him.

[astral-athame]

📐 + mikoto @ 5'10 :)

@valentinamuses // @drjxng

Height Comparison Site <3

((The height difference is so cute <3 Sorry to Mikoto, though, because she's gonna bother him about reaching stuff on the top shelf for her all the time xD))

[astral-athame]

Pogue was unaware of the way that Caleb had watched him while he was whispering to Jayn, but he was well aware of Caleb's attraction to him. They had had... a moment once. A night that Pogue liked to pretend never happened. As far as Pogue was concerned, he was entirely straight. He might look at a guy from time to time, hell, he'd maybe even caught himself fantasizing about a guy here or there. But he was straight! He had to be. He didn't have a choice in the matter. If he wasn't... well, he didn't want to think of the consequences.

But it was easy to play at being totally straight when he really was more into girls than guys, anyway. The way Jayn fit against him, the way it felt to brush his fingers against her skin, to kiss her... He loved Caleb, even if he denied it, but he definitely, without a doubt, loved Jayn, too. Even this early in their relationship he was fairly certain of it. He kept her close to him as they walked, wasn't shy about stealing little kisses here and there, whether to the top of her head, her temple, her lips. He liked touching her and he did it just about as often as he could. "Are you hungry?" He asked her. Pogue figured that if they were going through these little shops and set up, now would be a good chance to get a quick bite of food that wasn't just a bunch of sugar and candy. Usually vendors sold savory and salty foods, too, that were easy to carry around with you while you were walking. But there were also plenty of places to sit and eat something proper. He knew he, certainly, had every intention of grabbing a bit to eat. Maybe a burger or a sandwich. He usually preferred fries, but those were a bit more of a two handed food. Admittedly, he was also pretty thirsty after walking around, so a soda or something would be nice, too...

Luckily for Caleb, Cass had been preoccupied with sort of spying on her dad and she'd missed the way he was looking at Pogue. She wouldn't have said anything even if she had noticed, of course, but the thought would have settled in and stuck with her the rest of the night. Caleb asked if that was her dad and, despite the small bit of embarrassment she felt at being caught so obviously watching after her father, Cass smiled shyly. "Yeah. I think he's on a date," She said. She wasn't sure who the woman was, but they both seemed to be having a good time. "He hasn't been on a date in years," By which she meant he hadn't been on a date since the divorce. She was pretty sure he hadn't even tried. "It's nice to see him out and having fun, but if he hasn't told me he's seeing someone yet then he's likely got a good reason," Maybe it was just a fling? Or maybe he felt a bit embarrassed? She wasn't sure, but she didn't want to run over there and take away his opportunity to tell her about his new girlfriend himself. If they were so obviously out together like this, though, Cass was sure he'd tell her about it soon enough. She wanted to ask Caleb if he knew the woman her dad was with. She couldn't help but feel a little protective of him after everything he'd been through. But Cass didn't want to seem weird about it or anything. He was a grown adult who could handle himself- he was her father, after all!- she had just... grown accustomed to taking care of him to a small degree.

But she wouldn't have had time to say anything more, anyway, because Tyler and Aaron were walking close behind them and she could hear their conversation about what class Caleb would be in D&D. A glance over at Caleb showed he was doing the same thing as she was- lips pressed together, trying not to laugh. Of course, as part of their D&D group, Cassia had her own thoughts on the subject, and she had to agree with Caleb being a Paladin- a pure hearted, knight in shining armor, type. They were more of a fighter than a Cleric, and not as focused on religion despite the Paladin's own connection and/or favor with the god(s) of their religion. But she wasn't going to butt in- it was more fun to listen to their debate than to pop in and be part of it in some capacity.

"CALEB!" She heard the woman's voice shouting to him and, quickly, Cass snapped her attention in the direction of the noise. Someone was definitely trying to get Caleb's attention and Cass had a feeling they wouldn't stop shouting until they got it. The source of the commotion was an older woman- probably in her 70s, if Cassia had to guess. She had a kind face... and her eyes were fixated specifically on Caleb. Was she a former teacher? A nanny? Just some sweet, old, woman that Caleb knew from around town? Cassia had never seen her before but she could feel that Caleb wasn't as thrilled to see her as she was to see him.

The woman gave Reid a donut and Cass wondered if it was more out of kindness or as a distraction so he wouldn't interrupt her attempt at conversation with Caleb again. (Then Jayn was stuffing what remained of Reid's candy and bag into a Halloween pail and Cass felt a relieved that something had been done to prevent further loss of his treats. She'd still be sure, later, to give him some of hers, though.)

Pogue already knew what was coming the moment Mrs. Marshal shouted out to Caleb. He positioned himself so that the older woman couldn't see his expression and gave a playful smirk and eyebrow waggle at poor Caleb, teasing him for the older woman's obvious flirtations. The woman was practically head over heels for Caleb all because of a simple act of kindness. It was kind of cute... or it would have been if she wasn't so enthusiastic that it had driven Caleb to stop going to her bakery. It was a shame because she had some pretty good stuff.

And then it was Pogue's turn to feel a familiar pang of jealousy. It wasn't even over anything big- it's not like he didn't know that Cass and Caleb were dating, and the pair, while not as publicly affectionate as Pogue and Jayn were, certainly weren't hiding their relationship, either. In fact, Pogue liked Cass a lot- she was cute and sweet and she seemed the type who would take care of Caleb in the way Caleb was always taking care of everyone else. But something about him introducing Cassia to Mrs. Marshall as his girlfriend, her fingers laced with his, their hands raised as if Caleb was showing her off... Pogue's stomach twisted in knots a bit and he had to force the feeling down before Jayn could look back at him from helping Reid with his candy situation.

On the other hand, Cassia felt herself light up when he called her his girlfriend. Realistically, she'd been thinking of Caleb as her boyfriend for a bit now, but the terms hadn't really been used because it hadn't yet been necessary. But hearing him say it aloud like that... it made her heart leap in her chest. The older woman, however, seemed less enthused. Was Mrs. Marshall actually upset about Caleb dating someone? Cass felt a bit bad about it for a moment. And she could practically feel the same small guilt coming from Caleb, too. "Hello. It's nice to meet you," Cass offered with a smile. She had a bad feeling she'd get a cold response from her. Cass would know not to take it personally, but it never felt nice to have someone so clearly dislike you.

Thankfully, though, before too much time could be spent on it all, Tyler was interrupting, as if intentionally trying to break some of the tension to help them out. "Oh! I've been meaning to ask you, Mrs. Marshall, when you're gonna start making those maple bars again. No one makes 'em like you do, and my mom's been craving them," Tyler knew that wasn't necessarily true. His mother had asked him to check in at the bakery at some point to see if those specific donuts were being sold again just yet (Mrs. Marshall hadn't made them in a few months) but she it was more out of casual curiosity than anything. Still, Tyler hoped it would put her back in a good mood to be praised like that.

Jayn felt her heart do its usual happy dance, warming her up as Pogue hugged her from behind. She beamed when he pecked her cheek, and she would've turned to face him and return the favor if their friends hadn't been talking. She'd probably never tell him, because it sounded so clichéd and maybe obsessive, but sometimes she really thought they were made for each other. The two of them fit perfectly, physically and emotionally. They read each other almost as well as Caleb read Pogue, which was amazing, considering how long the boys had known each other. Both Pogue and Jayn (to varying degrees) tried to hold their emotions in for the sake of other people's happiness, but they still could tell exactly what their partner was upset. They also tended to get irritable when other people kept asking after them. Maybe that was why they also both knew what kind of touch would be the best in every situation...

Cassia and Caleb finally exited the haunted house and joined the growing group of college-age, mostly magical teen adults. Right as Jayn gave them a friendly wave, Reid came out of the building, wings open and screaming bloody murder. For a second, Jayn thought he'd just been scared by something or someone in the haunted house. But then she and Pogue turned to look at Reid, and he was explaining that he'd, uh...acted on impulse. Honestly, Jayn didn't blame him, but they all still needed to get a move on. Pogue moved so he could walk with her instead of uncomfortably behind her, and the group hurried down the path.

It took a second for Jayn to notice the candy trailing from Reid's bag. Her first thought was, "Ohno! The haunted house people are gonna follow it and find us," but she quickly realized how dumb that sounded, given that everyone outside had candy because it was Halloween. Her second thought was that Reid reminded her of Hansel the storybook character, made just as tragic because Reid was completely unaware of his loss. Even worse was the fact that everyone else in their friend group was quickly noticing. The kids in the area had swooped in like seagulls stealing chips at the beach, so there was no chance for the Mothman to right the serious wrong. At least the night wasn't over--they could get him a new bag (maybe a pail, just in case) and he could get candy from some of the other booths. Still, Jayn knew that as soon as Reid realized what had happened, he'd be disappointed.

She was glad that Cassia was able to convince Pogue to go to the shops. Reid would just be standing around upset if they all went to the concert now.

"Aren't you the same guy who orders large fries and a Coke every time you guys go to Nicky's?" Aaron teased Pogue, since the other guy was acting like he didn't love food all of a sudden. Tyler snickered, partly because he'd been the one to tell his boyfriend about Pogue's fry obsession. There once was a day during spring break, back when they were all in high school...it had involved a trip to Boston, one that somehow turned into Reid and Pogue rating all the fries in the Fenway-Kenmore area--well, the fries from 7 places. Caleb put his foot down, because between the greasy taste and the overall fact that all that shit was unhealthy, he was done.

Speaking of Caleb, he couldn't help but feel a stirring of mixed emotions deep down when Pogue tugged Jayn close and whispered something to her. The wrinkles around those hazel eyes, the way his mouth quirked to the side as he smirked; the shy way she bit her lip and giggled, looking up at him...Caleb was all too familiar with how Pogue flirted with the girls he liked. He'd watched from the sidelines for years, always telling himself to give up on the guy (his best friend) who would never love him back. But every now and then, it still hurt. At least Pogue was with a girl who genuinely cared about him--a girl, who was Caleb's friend.

Caleb tried to divert his own attention since Cass always seemed to notice when he was upset. He couldn't ruin her first Ipswich Halloween. He'd noticed her looking at a zombified man who held hands with a woman around his age. "I'm guessing that's your dad?" he asked. That reminded him--he still needed to go to the Kellers', sometime before his and Cass's first date, so he could formally introduce himself to Mr. Keller. Caleb figured it was especially important since Cassia and her dad were new to Ipswich. They were new to town, so Mr. Keller probably hadn't seen or heard anything of Caleb, beyond whatever Cassia had told him. And decent parents tended to be a little apprehensive when it came to letting strangers take their kids out on dates.

He walked along with Cass, not far behind Tyler and Aaron, who were deep in a conversation/debate about who in their friend group would be which class in D&D and why:

"Caleb's got high Charisma, decent Intelligence and Wisdom. So that leaves Cleric, Paladin, Warlock, and Sorcerer. What's higher, his Intelligence or his Wisdom?" Aaron asked Ty. Tyler thought for a moment, thinking it through.

"Wisdom. Barely."

"Ah, yeah, he's the 'den dad', I forgot. Alright, Cleric or Paladin on three--"

"One, two, three--"

"Paladin!""Cleric!" They sighed, then snickered. "What the hell are you talking about? He's always helping people."

"Everyone helps random people if they're morally Good."

"Yeah, but--is he even religious?"

"Nah, not really. But shh, because he HAS to be a Cleric or a Paladin."

"...well, what's the big difference?" They both paused for a second, walking in silence. Caleb pressed his lips together, trying not to laugh. Usually Ty would've just asked to play a quick game of Rock, Paper, Scissors to help decide things, but he actually cared about reaching a satisfactory conclusion. Maybe he and Aaron really were a good match...

"CALEB! Caleb, dear! Over here!" Oh, no. He knew she'd keep yelling until he met her eyes, and their group was already set to walk past her booth...so Caleb reluctantly turned to look at Mrs. Marshal. Tildie Marshal was a 74-year-old widow who had fallen in love with Caleb after he offered his jacket to her on a windy day. She was walking back to her family's bakery, and he was going that way, so he thought it was just a nice, convenient thing to do. That was three years ago. Ever since, she'd given him free treats and airborne kisses (not to mention kisses on the cheek, if he wasn't careful).

"Mrs. Marshal! Hey, how are ya?" Reid interrupted. Caleb was thankful for the protective barrier. Ty's eyes were watering from the effort it took to keep from laughing.

"Just fine. Here." She grabbed a fresh apple cider donut, hand wrapped in a plastic glove, and handed it to Reid, who mumbled a quick 'thank you' before he started chomping. Jayn gently pulled away from Pogue, bought an empty Halloween pail, and shoved Reid's mangled candy-ish plastic bag. He raised his eyebrow in confusion, then cried out when he saw the damage. He nearly dropped his donut, and Jayn tried to comfort him, telling him they still had the night to get more candy. Meanwhile, Caleb was being harassed. "It's been such a long time," Mrs. Marshall said, batting her eyelashes at him.

"Yeah...so..." He'd started avoiding the bakery, actually. Java Jones's pastries were all as hard as biscotti (except for the loaf cake) unless you got there RIGHT when they came out of the oven (which apparently was around SIX IN THE MORNING). But that was a hardship that Caleb would have to face. Besides, Jayn sometimes baked stuff, and even included his mom. "My friend bakes a lot."

"Well, you can never have too much sugar..." She grinned, and he internally screamed. His immediate reaction was to hold Cass's hand (which he'd been holding for a while now) up in the air. He'd probably meant to point at her or something, but the exact intention wasn't important.

"This is my girlfriend," Caleb said, probably a bit louder than he needed to, "Cass, this is Mrs. Marshall. Mrs. Marshall, meet Cass." The light in the older woman's eyes dimmed, and Caleb felt bad. Still...Cass was his girlfriend...wasn't she?

[astral-athame]

📐 Nil is 5’2

@southern-belle-outcasts

Height Comparison Site <3

((I love that they're almost the same height, it's so cute <3 And Cass likes it, too, because it's SO much easier to kiss someone the same height as her- no need to lean up xD))

[astral-athame]

be honest, you are in love with the actor.

@drjxng

The relationship was fake. The dates were fake. The kisses and hand holding and cozying up together while they were out... that was all fake.

But her feelings for her were very much real.

"Of course I am," She answered, playing up the girlfriend act and trying not to consider just how horribly honest those words actually were. She wasn't supposed to have fallen for him. That was against the contract. But she had fallen in love with him. It was a bittersweet thing. "He's my boyfriend. Of course I love him." The lies had blurred in with the truth. He wasn't actually her boyfriend, that was all an act. But loving him certainly was not.

Leave it to Cass to probably wind up getting herself heartbroken over a relationship that was never even real.

[astral-athame]

i'm quite a fan of yours. ( @ drjxng )

@drjxng

Cass was surprised by his words, placing his plate of food down in front of him. It wasn't as often as it should be that she and Mikoto spent time together out of the public eye, but it was nice to catch up from time to time without having to play the role of a couple for the cameras.

In the comfort of her home, she had made dinner for them both, mostly because she had already planned the comfort meal for her day off and partly because she'd, admittedly, kind of bragged about her asada de puerco recipe- complete with rice, beans, and some still slightly crisp, lightly cooked veggies to accompany it.

"A fan, huh?" She asked, setting her own dish down and taking the seat across from him.

She interrupted herself for just a moment to interject about the meal- "If you find you don't like it, you don't have to eat it. I can make you something else," She wouldn't be offended. A little disappointed, perhaps, because it was one of her favorites, but not everyone had the palate for Mexican food. She was sure there were things he ate that she wouldn't like.

Then she switched back to the topic at hand. "You actually listened to the music?" She had sent him a link to their youtube page, told him which songs might be best to give a listen if he was sincere about trying out their music. She didn't expect he'd like most of it, but she'd been hopeful he'd find a song or two he liked. She'd also kind of hoped that, even if the music wasn't really his type, maybe he'd at least find some enjoyment in hearing her sing, or watching her perform. Cassia tended to come across as quiet and timid, especially at first, but she was an entirely different person when she was performing. Her confidence with the guitar and, more recently, with her vocals, shone through when she was actually on stage or in front of the camera. "Or are you only saying that because you're planning to ask a favor of me?" She joked, leaning her chin into her hand and giving him a playful smile.

[astral-athame]

Cassia didn't do this very often. To her, sex had always been about intimacy, about connection. She knew it didn't have to be- sex could be casual. It could just be about getting off, feeling good, no strings attached. Tonight, it didn't matter all that much to her either way what this meant to Mikoto (or, at least, she told herself that it didn't matter). This could be a one night stand, or it could be something more. An eventual relationship? Friends with benefits? There was no need to put a label on any of it yet. She wouldn't ask that much of him, nor of herself.

All that really mattered was the way it felt to kiss him, and the ease with which he lifted her, her legs wrapping around his waist, to carry her back into her room. Those little bites he left... possessive, needy, as if hoping to mark her. She'd wear them proudly, too, should the marks stay longer than just the night. Let the media have a frenzy over it. It'd be much harder to speculate that the relationship was fake if he left his mark on her, after all. But even with that, their fans could only try to imagine what, exactly, transpired. Only she and Mikoto would know the full truth of it all.

She took a moment to catch her breath when the kissing ended and she was finally on her back on the bed. She hadn't known with certainty that the lingerie would draw him in the way it had, but she felt a renewed sense of confidence when he paused to admire her. She'd worn him for him, after all. Worn it to entice him. To let him see what she was willing to offer him- herself. Every part of her. And when his shirt came off, too, it took a wealth of control not to just stare like an awe struck fan. Oh, she had seen his abs before, but with him crawling over her like this... this was on a whole other level of arousing. She could feel the heat building more rapidly inside of her, the stirring in the pit of her stomach, the way her panties were already getting a bit dampened by her arousal. She parted her lips as if to speak, but even if she had known what to say, she wouldn't have had a chance to say it. He tore her bra off of her and she had to restrain herself from instinctively covering her breasts. Instead, she leaned up towards him, catching his lips in another fervent kiss. But he had other plans. The kiss was soon broken once more and he was, instead, trailing his lips down her neck, her breasts. His name left her in a heady whisper. Her mind felt empty, her fingers moving to run through his soft hair. All that she could think about was how good he felt and how badly she wanted to see how far this would go.

He'd had one night stands, but he didn't want to risk it. Contract outlined no strings attached; this situation, precarious, was the sole reason he smarted up and had insisted on drawing up an agreement. This wasn't the end game, if he was actually following the script. Breath, hot and heavy. Mind emptied. What remained was the lust behind his gaze, touches electrically addicting. He wanted her, for all that was good and holy, knowing he wasn't allowed.

In this getaway apartment he had for them, there wasn't anyone but the two of them. There wasn't anybody stopping him. He was his biggest critic too, unfortunately - but the voice inside his head a loud warning that had been quickly silenced from the moment their lips touched. He didn't love her, yet. But the feeling was mutual. He wanted her. He ached for every single one of her touches - the two of them holding hands - skin to skin, given a new meaning and amplified sensations he had not felt in the longest time.

He wanted to touch her every curve, every line. Taste her. He'd been left in his dreams imagining what it would be like, with the comfort of the fact that their wants both aligned, and it was mutual. He pulled her close, cupping the curve of her ass to bring her to his level; her legs wrapped around his waist; it wasn't long when they made it to her room, fervently kissing her lips, her neck and back. He made sure to bite gently, wanting to mark her as his.

He'd almost thrown her to the bed, had it not for her soft landing. With much haste he'd practically torn his shirt off his torso, revealing toned abs that were maintained through out time and through his career. He crawled to her, after a moment of just admiring her in the lingerie she wore - he knew she wore it to entice him. He was very much interested in her, beyond the glamour, make up and costumes. He wanted to fully know her. He wanted to fully know her body. What made her feel things, what sorts of things he could make her feel. The sorts of things he could do to her.

And with a similar haste, he tore off the bra off her chest; like a tiger pouncing on its prey, Mikoto kissed her lips, a trail of wet ones down her neck and her breasts. He didn't need to tell her he wanted her, she could practically see the hunger in his eyes.

[astral-athame]

wake me up when i care.- Nilza

You know by now I ain’t sorry so I shan’t apologize

@southern-belle-outcasts

A small part of Cass wanted to be playful about this, prod Nilza just a little more, try something silly to make her crack a smile. But she knew Nilza well enough by now to know that now was not the time for that. The other woman was clearly not in the mood and Cass wasn't going to press the matter when she knew it was just going to piss her off more.

"Okay, okay..." She relented. "Consider the matter dropped." For now, at least. Cassia, instead, crawled into bed behind Nilza. She gave her some space in case she didn't want to be held, lest she should feel coddled. But she shifted close enough that she could feel the other woman's body heat rolling off of her a bit, less than a foot of space between them. Then she reached a hand out to gently stroke her fingers along Nilza's arm. If she didn't recoil from the touch, Cass would draw closer. But for now, she was mostly just trying to offer some affection, some love, without being overbearing. She wasn't particularly good at reading what Nilza needed (or wanted), but she was trying.

[astral-athame]

@vulpuslunae

"Are you sure it's okay to be doing this?"

[astral-athame]

Does Johnny's sister approve of you?

@bcrninghearts

"I don't know, actually. I think so?" Cass got along well with all of them, and Sue had seemed to approve of her being Johnny's FRIEND. But now that they were actually together she hadn't had a chance to check in with everyone that they approved. Not that it would make her leave Johnny if they DIDN'T, of course.

Actually, now that she thought about it, did they even KNOW about her and Johnny? They hadn't been together very long, after all, and SHE hadn't told them. She'd assumed Johnny would do that...

"Maybe I should go talk to her."

[astral-athame]

Cass knew she should be handling this better, that she should just take it in stride. But it felt like far too much tonight. She was pretty sure Nilza was breaking up with her without saying she was breaking up with her. Her mother hadn't even acknowledged it was her birthday for the second year in a row. And, yet, this morning when she'd sat across from her dad at her favorite diner, eating breakfast, she'd told him everything was fine. Everything was perfect.

Cassia didn't text back. Not then, at least. She didn't have it in her to do so. Instead, she curled up on the couch and cried- sobbed. She knew how immature it was, and if she'd had the fear of anyone walking in on her she wouldn't have shed a single tear. She'd have walled it all in and let it pile up with everything else. But once the dam broke, so to speak, it was hard to get it to stop. What had she done to upset Nilza so much that the other woman didn't want to come back? Would she ever even see her again?

It went on like this for a while. Every self-deprecating thought flooding her, making her want to scream, want to die. She felt numb and broken all at once. She felt like a fuck up. She felt useless and frail and disgusting and, and, and-

By the time she was done, that numbness had settled in much more harshly, replacing the sadness and leaving her blank. She stared at the open window, bringing in a cold draft, rain drops freckling the floor. What did she do? What had she done that was so terrible? Was Nilza bored of her? Was she sick of her? Had she never cared at all about her? Cass knew she was overreacting. And yet underneath this moment of numbness, she could still feel the heat of anger in her chest, in her stomach. It was, in part, at Nilza, yes, for abandoning her like this. For leaving her without a word, without a warning. For not telling her what was happening. But most of it was at herself for messing things up again. For pushing Nilza too hard. For being too clingy. For not knowing what to say or what to do to keep her.

And, eventually, that boiled over, too. There was something euphoric about finally, finally, giving into a bit of anger. Cass rarely let herself be angry about anything, after all. She never yelled. She never fought back. She just held it in and played the part of trying to defuse the situation. But here, alone, with no one she could hurt but herself, she took her anger out on the small birthday cake, instead, throwing the whole damned thing straight at the fridge like an angry child. She picked up handfuls of it off the floor and threw that, too, smattering it against cupboards, against the ceiling. And it felt cathartic, in a weird way. To watch the white of the room painted, smeared, with the sticky, sweet, frosting. Dinner had the same treatment- across the floor, the walls. Again, she knew she was acting immature, and again, she couldn't find it in herself to care just then. She'd probably ruined her shirt, she knew she had frosting in her hair and on her forehead by now. But at least by the end of it, she felt better. She felt lighter. Even as it dawned on her how much of a bitch this was going to be to clean up. She couldn't leave it like this, of course, and she wouldn't. She'd feel too guilty to leave the kitchen such a mess for long. But first, she had to clean herself up.

She heaved a sigh, stared at the mess she'd made of the kitchen. The poor, shattered, dinner plates on the floor. She hated herself for it, and yet she didn't have the energy anymore to actually be all that upset with herself. Her phone buzzed on the table, and she realized she'd gotten some frosting on that, too. The notification was for nothing important, just some game she hadn't played in 3 months wanting her to spend money on it. But now that her phone was in her hands, she felt like she needed to wipe off the screen and text Nilza one more time for the night.

[text]: I'm sorry. For whatever I did, I'm sorry. [text]: You can come back when you want to. Even if it's tomorrow. Even if it's a year from now. [text]: I'll try to make it up to you. I promise. [text]: I miss you. I love you. I'm sorry.

She closed her eyes, took a few deep breaths, then slipped off her socks (so she wouldn't track food out of the kitchen) and made her way to the bathroom to put on some music and take a nice, hot, shower.

It felt inevitable, her pushing Cassia away. They’d been together for too long. It wasn’t at all long in the grand scheme of relationships, but there was the nagging part of her mind that said this was far too good to be true, and that she was going to get Cassia killed. Everyone died around her, and the closer she got to April the more she was reminded of this fact.

The sour taste in the back of her throat was not due to the drinking, but that definitely wasn’t helping the situation. The bustle in the dressing room was normally tolerable, but right now it getting on every last nerve and she just fiddled with the strap of her pleaser with annoyance trying to figure out how to respond to Cassia.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out she’d hurt Cassia. That she should have communicated better, that she should have done any of this better than she had but how the fuck did that help? It would hurt, she was bad at this, really she should just end this but she didn’t know how. Didn’t actually want to but how else to keep her safe when Nilza was…Nilza?

[text]: later. yeah.

If she was going to say anything else, there wasn’t the time for it. She had taken too long to figure out how to say those two pathetic words and it was time to give a very lackluster, distracted performance. Which was reflected in the low tips, but how was she supposed to help being so preoccupied and not having it in her to appeal to clients.

[astral-athame]

oh cass, so convenient that you're in a relationship with an A-lister huh? you sure you have what it takes to be in the big leagues?

Was she sure she had what it took to enter the big leagues?

"No. I'm not," She answered honestly. In fact, she'd never really wanted the band to blow up the way they currently were. She'd wanted to stay a bit on the quieter side- a nice little underground metal band with a thousand or so fans and a few indie music videos posted on their YouTube channel. She didn't need anything more than that. But the boys could use the money, she knew, and she wasn't going to turn her nose up at the opportunities being given to them, either. She was just going with the flow.

And now she was with Johnny, placing her even further into the spotlight she'd never wanted in the first place. "I'll admit I'm anxious about it all..."

As for Johnny. "And I can assure you I didn't approach Johnny first. He came to a show and slipped backstage. How could we turn down THE Johnny Storm?" Besides, she'd had a bit of a celeb crush on the superhero well before she'd ever met him. "And he made the first move in our relationship, too." Which was true and she knew nobody would even question it considering Johnny was, well, JOHNNY. "It was purely coincidence, or perhaps good luck, that we even met at all." But she knew how people talked, whispered behind her back even when they were just friends, sure that she was using him for her own gain. There was nothing to be done about it, unfortunately. It was all part of the game of being a celebrity.

@bcrninghearts

[astral-athame]

📜 for Nil

@southern-belle-outcasts

Nilza: Someone will die. Cassia: Of fun!

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Nilza: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you. Cassia: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule. Nilza: Absolutely not.

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Cassia: Please, I'm begging you go to a doctor. Nilza: I'm sorry is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it.

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Nilza: I prevented a murder today. Cassia: Really? How’d you do that? Nilza: self control.