#( apologies for how late this is -- rewrote it too many times to count!!! )

[illicitlimerence-writes]

the diner | l. norris

pairing: lando norris x reader word count: 4.1k words. (and i had promised myself that they were going to be just short fics)request: yes/no by @frenchyjuju: "heyyy, i saw that your asks were open and saw this 18. “you come here often?” “well considering i work here, yes.” and i think it could be both funny and fluffy with either lando or charles whomever you prefer :) have a great day and a great week." thank you so much, i loved writing this and was saving it for the right fic<3 & an anon: "bestie, think of this: lando fic based on 18 by one direction 📝" i tried my best, bestie prompt: friend(s) date from this prompt list. & fluff #18: "you come here often?" "well, considering i work here, yes."" from this prompt list warnings: language, kinda slow burn, time skip, character death (mentions only). i think that's it. a/n: like i said, i have no self-control and completely rewrote this in like three hours. also, you get this one a bit earlier because i wanted to make sure that this showed up in the tags. just like my xmas fics, PLEASE DON'T SEND REQUESTS FROM THE VALENTINE'S PROMPT LIST. i'll tag all the fics as illicitvalentine's so it's easier to keep track of them.

my masterlist / valentine's day masterlist

(pleeease he's so pretty)

age 16

you sat with your prettiest dress on. your small handbag rested next to you on the leather booth of a small diner. you looked around you, the place was nearly empty, and mr and mrs. peterson, the old couple that owned the place, were sitting by the kitchen doors. you couldn’t help but sigh as you looked at them, even after so many years of marriage they were still each other’s favorite person.

you felt a buzzing on your phone, it’s your best friend, lisa.

is he there yet? no, he’s not here. but maybe he’s running late. yeah, maybe:) tell me when he gets there! i will, thx.

the bell above the front door chimed, and your head snapped up. it’s a boy you recognized from school, you had a few classes with him. his eyes scanned the diner, and he sat alone in an empty table, across from you. you guessed that he was waiting for someone because he didn’t order anything.

he tapped his fingers against the table, and you sighed as you leaned your chin on your fist, your elbow on top of the checkered tablecloth as you looked out the window.

after a few minutes, you grabbed your phone to check the time. it was thirty minutes after the agreed hour.

he’s not coming, just leave and save yourself from further embarrassment.

your thoughts were loud, invading your head.

it was almost too good to be true, the hottest, most popular guy in school inviting you out for valentine’s day. girls looked at you with envy clear in their eyes as you strolled through the halls holding the red rose jason had given you when he asked you to be his valentine. he’d been a complete gentleman, asking you where you wanted to go, what color your dress was so he could try and match.

he was too good to be true.

sadly, as it turned out, it wasn’t true, either.

after forty-five minutes of waiting, you completely gave out on the small hopes that he’d arrive, holding the biggest, prettiest flowers for you, expressing his deep apologies as he got down on one knee and confessed his undying love.

life wasn’t like the movies, you felt like crying. and suddenly, you started craving the chocolate milkshake and fries that quickly became your favorite when you first discovered this place. you got up from the booth, grabbing your bag, catching the boy’s attention. you gave him a small smile as you passed by him, a look that said ‘i really hope you don’t have to go through what i am right now’.

“hey, linda, patrick,” you said hi to the owners of the place, who smiled at you.

“how are you tonight, (y/n)?”

“you look marvelous, darling,” they complimented you.

“thank you,” you felt a light heat going to your cheeks, “can i have a chocolate milkshake and fries?”

“sure thing, hun,” linda winked at you before walking to the kitchen and telling the cook, their son, will.

“got a special boy tonight?” patrick asked, patting the empty barstool next to him. sighing, you sat down next to him.

“i thought so, but… i’ve been here for almost an hour and he hasn’t shown up, so…” you shrugged your shoulders, “i’m planning on spending the rest of my night eating my weight in calories,” you chuckled.

“sorry about that boy, darling,” he said, and you nodded slightly. “you’re young, the right one will come. i’m sure of it. hey, maybe you’ll meet him here!”

“what are you telling the kid now, pat?” linda said once she got back. you smiled at them. you’d been coming to this place since you were a kid, they saw you grow up.

“nothing.” he raised his arms in surrender, “just telling her that she’ll find the right guy one day,” he smiled at his wife as she narrowed her eyes at him. “like i always say, linda’s diner is the perfect place for finding love,”

“ignore him. you can go back to your booth, darling, we’ll get you your food when it’s ready,” linda said, and you nodded, hopping down from the stool and walking back.

“hey,” a voice caught your attention, you stopped mid-walk. “you’re (y/n), right?” the boy asked, you nodded, “i think we have history together,”

“yeah, you’re lando, right?” you asked, grabbing the empty chair in front of him and sitting. he nodded. “oh, sorry, are you expecting someone? wouldn’t want them to see you hanging out with someone else,” you chuckle, about to stand up before he stopped you.

“no, it’s fine i- uh, i was supposed to see melissa here, but,” he didn’t finish, just shrugged his shoulder, and your heart broke for him. “and… weren’t you supposed to go out with jason?” he asks, his voice soft and careful.

“yeah, but… he didn’t show up,”

“oh,”

you both stayed quiet for a few seconds.

“what are the odds that we both got stood up on the same day, in the same place?” you thought out loud.

“i know,” lando smiled.

“have you been here before?” you asked him.

“uhh, maybe two or three times. i overheard you raving about their fries once, when you were talking with lisa.” he said, “not that i was eavesdropping or anything, it’s just… you were talking really loudly and i was sitting behind you, and-”

“don’t worry,” you laughed, it was kinda funny how his eyes had blown wide as he heard what he’d just said. “i can get really annoying and loud when i talk about this place,” you leaned back. he didn’t know what else today, so he let his eyes drift down, and you noticed that his cheeks had reddened.

“here we go,” linda’s voice caught your attention, “fries and milkshake, anything for you?” she asked lando.

“uhh… what do you recommend?” he asked you, making you smile.

“we could share this, if you want to,” you offered, lifting a shoulder.

“okay, yeah. could we have more fries, though, please?”

“of course,” linda smiled and walked away.

“so… ketchup,” you lifted the bottle, “on the side or on top?” you asked, narrowing your eyes at him. lando answered without thinking twice.

“on the side,”

“you and i are going to be good friends, lando,”

“why does that sound like a threat?”

you just laughed at his question.

age 17

‘bitch, if you don’t get your ass here in five minutes you’re out of my will when i die.’ ‘(y/n), i’m literally in the restroom.’ ‘so what? i’m bored and people think i’m alone.’ ‘aww, need your prince charming to come and save you?’ ‘that’s it. you’re paying tonight.’

“what’s got your knickers in a twist?” lando asked, sliding across the booth in front of you.

“if you didn’t want to be here tonight, you just had to say it. you didn’t have to ditch me for like fifteen minutes,”

“i just told you i was in the restroom,” lando laughed at your dramatics.

“and what were you doing in there? building the entire thing?” you rolled your eyes.

“do you really want to know what i was doing there?” he laughed, raising an eyebrow.

“ew! gross!”

“i thought we were friends, and friends tell each other everything,”

“not that, you idiot,” you finally dropped the act and laughed. “now, let’s stop talking about that, we’re here for a reason,”

“you were literally the one who brought the subject up,”

“whatever. today, is a special day. you know why?”

“because it’s our one-year anniversary of being friends?” he smiled.

“it’s our one-year friend-versary!” you yelled, extending your arms to your sides. “wait here,” you told him, walking to the kitchen of the diner where you grabbed the cake linda and patrick’s son made for you. “close your eyes, landino,” you cheered, watching as he shook his head but covered his face with his hands anyway. “ta-da!” you said, placing the cake on the table, you watched his eyes reading the words before he threw his head back, laughing.

“i only have fries for you, too,” he repeated the words he read.

you sat down, handing him a fork and grabbing one for yourself, you both took generous pieces of the cake, clicking them together before taking a bite.

“oh, my god,” lando’s eyes widened, “this is the best thing i’ve ever tried,”

“i know!” you smiled, and lando’s eyes flickered to your lips, where you had a bit of red frosting.

“here,” he leaned in, running his thumb over the corner of your lips, and he wiped it on a white napkin.

“thanks,”

age 18

the diner was busy, which was unusual for a valentine’s day. you stood behind the counter, drinking from your water bottle before heading to the next table.

“welcome to linda’s diner, what can i get started for you?” you asked, grabbing your small pad and pen. you nodded as you wrote down the family’s order, heading back to the kitchen for their drinks and giving will the order. you balanced the tray on your hand, handing each drink correctly and promising to be back with their food as soon as it’s out.

you walked back to the counter, typing the order on the computer screen and saving it for when they ask for the check. the bell above the front door rang, and someone sat on a barstool behind you.

“hi, welcome to linda’s diner, what can i get started for you?” you repeated your speech, looking for your pad and pen.

“hey, you’re very pretty, do you come here often?” it’s a boy, well… maybe more like a young adult.

“well, considering i work here, yeah,” you laughed, looking up at lando, who has a sheepish smile on his face. “what are you doing here?” you asked, pouring coffee on the white mug that sat in front of him.

“thanks. did you forget what day it is today?”

“wednesday,” you said automatically.

“and the date…”

“valentine’s day,”

“and what do we celebrate that day?” he smiled, laughing as he watched your eyes widening.

“our friend-versary! lando, i’m so sorry, i completely forgot about it, i… i’ve just been so busy with the diner, and patrick and will… and linda,” you looked to the memorial photo of linda, who sadly passed away just a few weeks ago, which was why you volunteered to help them out with the diner.

“don’t worry. it’s okay, i know how important this place is to you. that’s why i’m here.”

“what do you mean?”

“i’m here to help!” he smiled, making you burst out laughing.

“what? lando, do you even have any experience?”

“no, but neither did you! if you could do it, then so can i!”

“okay, come over here, grab an apron,” you instructed, scooting to one side so he could walk to your side of the bar.

“it looks different from over here,” he noticed, and you nodded.

“i know. i thought so, too.”

you explained the basics of your job, greeting people, writing down orders, how to manage the computer (which, and you won’t admit, he got the hang of it way faster than you did.), and once the kitchen and the diner were closed, will threw the keys at you.

“have fun, kids,” he said, shooting you a wink before he and his dad left.

“i can’t believe they let you work with us for the day,” you shook your head, grabbing a handful of fries from the bowl in front of you.

“i know. it was fun, but… i’m way too tired to even think right now,” he stretched his arms over his head, making his shirt rise, showing a little bit of skin.

“welcome to my life.” you smiled.

“it’s really great what you’re doing here, for them,”

“i love it. i love this place, the people, the family. i finally feel like i’ve found where i belong. does that make sense?”

“of course! this place has been sort of your second-home for a long time,” you nodded at his words. “maybe you could own a place like this one day,” he looks around, “it suits you.”

“yeah. do you ever wonder… what would’ve happened if we hadn’t been stood up two years ago? like… would we ever have become friends?”

“maybe, i never told you but…”

“what?” you were intrigued.

“i used to think you were so cool, how you just hung out with your one friend and didn’t care about anyone else watching you. you weren’t trying to be cool, you just had this natural… i don’t know, enchantment? around you,” his cheeks were getting red.

“lando norris, are you trying to confess your undying love for me right now?” you laughed, watching as his eyes widened in panic.

“wha- no! i mean i like you but not like-”

“i’m joking! jeez, two years of friendship and you still don’t know when i’m messing with you?” you narrowed your eyes at him, there was something else going on with him. “okay, bad joke.”

“you owe me a milkshake,” he said, relaxing against his seat.

“i’ll be back, loverboy,” you teased.

“(y/n)!” he groaned.

age 20

“hey, (y/n), i’m leaving, think you’ll be okay to close by yourself?” will asked.

“of course! go home to the wife and the baby, i’ll be fine,” you smiled at him.

“is lando coming today?” he asked, and you shook your head.

“we’re doing face time, he had to go to the car reveal a few days ago and couldn’t come back in time,” you gave him a small smile. even last year, when he was extremely busy preparing for his debut in formula 1, he still managed to make it. you didn’t mind though, you knew that his career was his main focus right now, plus, you were thankful for the past three years in a row that you did managed to celebrate in person.

“he’s a good kid,” will nodded, and you smiled. “sorry if i’m overstepping, but… did anything ever… you know, between you two?”

“oh, no! lando’s just my friend,” you didn’t know why your chest felt warm. it was even worse when it made its way up to your face.

“huh,” he nodded.

“what?”

“and you’re sure he sees you as just his friend?”

“i think? i mean, i- i don’t know,” your eyebrows were furrowed together. “we’ve never…”

“it’s fine, it’s just, you know how my old man used to say that linda’s diner is the perfect place to find love. maybe you already did,” he left you speechless. after a few seconds, his eyes drifted to the pictures hanging from the wall, linda was joined by patrick almost a year ago, health complications and his heartache took a toll on him. “i still don’t know how you do it…” he said.

“what?”

“show up here… every day, and not break down completely,”

“this place, and linda and patrick mean so much to me, i don’t want to see it fade away.”

“i have to be honest with you,” the tone in his voice was serious, “i’ve been thinking about selling this place,” that made your breath hitch.

“o-oh,”

“that’s what i meant… i don’t know how you do it, because it takes so much strength and energy from me, and i don’t know how much more i can handle,”

“well… i’m sure that linda and patrick would’ve wanted you to be happy, and if that means…” you cleared your throat, “selling the place, well… that’s what you gotta do,”

“yeah,” he sighed, “and don’t worry, i will let you know of my decision when i make it, you’ve done so much for all of us, it’s the least i could do,”

“i did what i had to do. have a nice night,” you waved, turning your back to him as you felt your eyes burning with tears.

the bell above the door rang, and you let the tears fall. you let out a loud sob, covering your mouth with your hand to quiet it down.

you couldn’t lose this place. this was your home. this was where you met lando.

the loud ringing from your phone startled you. even though you didn’t want him to see you like this, you picked up anyway.

“i know it’s not the same, but i got some fries from mcdonald’s,” lando said, he was in his car, and you couldn’t see his face clearly. “are you ready, or- hey, hey what’s wrong?”

“will he… he said he’s thinking of selling the diner,” you croaked out.

“oh, lovie,” his face changed completely.

“i don’t… i don’t know what to do. i can’t lose this place. i can’t… this is all i have,”

“you won’t lose it, i promise you.”

“but he… i get where he’s coming from. but this place holds so many memories,”

“i know, i know,” he cooed, turning on his car. “stay there. can you wait for me there?”

“lando, you can’t-”

“i can cut the three-hour drive by half, and i don’t care if i have to get up early or be late tomorrow. you need me right now.” he stated.

“i need you,” you admitted, not even bothering to clean your face.

“i’ll be there in a bit, i promise.”

“don’t go,” you begged.

“i won’t. i’m staying right here with you. i’m not going anywhere, i swear,” his eyes are flickering from the screen to the road. “tell me about your day, what did you do?”

he’s trying to distract you. and it worked. you began telling him all about your day, the regulars that showed up, the lovesick couples that confessed their love.

“seems like everyone’s following our footsteps, then,” lando laughed.

“we haven’t confessed our love here,” you pointed out.

“not yet,” that made you laugh, and it made your heart flutter inside.

age 21

“are you sure about this?”

“100%”

“when are you going to tell her?

“when the time comes,” lando smiled, signing the contract. he shook will’s hand, sealing the deal. “thank you,”

“thank you. i’m sure the place will thrive under her management,” lando nodded, thinking about how happy you were going to be when you heard the news. “and i’m glad the business is staying within the family,”

-

“(y/n), got a second?” will asked, you wiped your hands on the apron, sitting across from him on the red leather booth.

“what’s up?” you asked.

“so,” he sighed, and your heart dropped to your stomach, “i sold the place,”

“oh,”

“yeah. but don’t worry, the new owner said he’s fine with keeping it as a diner, said he’s been here before and loves everything about it.”

“that’s great,” you smiled.

“yeah. he also said that he loves the way you handle the diner. he wants to keep you as the manager,”

“oh,” your eyes widened, heart picking up.

“what do you say?” will asked, a smile on his face.

“are- are you sure about this? the new owner, is he-”

“he wants everything just as it is, even your chirpy presence and love you have for the place.”

“god, i don’t know what to say,” you teared up. “thank you, i-”

“there’s no need to thank. you’re a smart, hard-working girl, and you deserve it.”

“i can’t wait to tell lando, he should be here soon,” you smiled, feeling your heart pounding in your chest.

age 22

"you're here!" you smiled, getting up from the booth and jumping into his waiting arms. he circles your waist and back, pulling you close to him.

"i'm here. i couldn't miss our friendversary date." he mumbled against your neck, and you feel tears in your eyes.

"i’ve missed you so much!”

“me too, god, i don’t want to leave again,” you smiled against his chest.

you hadn’t seen lando in the past four months. you were too busy with online classes and managing the diner, you barely had enough time to sleep.

“what’s this?” he asked, looking at the table you had set up.

“i feel like we both deserve a little pamper, so…”

“fries and milkshakes by candlelight?”

“is there any other way?” you teased.

you sat down, talking about everything that had happened the few months you hadn’t seen each other.

“can you believe it’s been six years?” lando asked, shaking his head.

“six years… woah,” you let out a light chuckle.

“i know, and look… you’ve gone from being a regular in this place, to being the freaking manager!” you laughed, feeling your cheeks warm.

“and what about you? freaking formula one star. i still can’t believe how our lives turned out. who would’ve thought?”

“i know,” he smiled, drinking the rest of his milkshake. “we’ve come a long way,” you felt your stomach doing somersaults as he looked at you, the flame of the candle reflecting on his eyes.

“let’s dance,” you said, standing up and walking to the old jukebox you’d bought online for the place. you selected a song, and suddenly the whole place filled with music. “come here,” you extended your hand.

"you need to stop watching so many tiktoks," lando laughed as he shook his head, but stood up and grabbed your hand.

"i'm sorry but linda showed me this song," you raised an eyebrow. he twirled you around, holding you close to his chest. "i miss them. i still can't believe that i've managed to stay here as long as I have,"

lando felt his heart thumping as you held his hands.

"i have to tell you something," he said, but you shook your head.

"me first," you replied. he frowned, but nodded. you took a deep breath, "do you know what patrick used to say?"

"the lady's always right?" he guessed.

"that's true, but no… about the place,"

"oh, yeah… linda's diner is the perfect place to find love," you nodded, gathering as much courage as you could.

"well… i think i did,"

"did what?"

"find love. here."

"oh," his eyes widened, and you noticed him tensing under your touch. "wh-when, who?" he asked.

"a long time ago. about… six years, i think,"

"o-oh," he felt the air leaving his lungs.

"i think you know him," you hummed. "nice curls," you lifted your hand, tangling your fingers in his strands. "his eyes are very beautiful, too. some days they look green, or gray. but right now, they look blue," you smiled, feeling his hands gripping you tighter. "and he did something for me… something big and life-changing,"

"wha-what?"

"he bought a place… that was so special to me. without telling me," you lifted a brow, gripping his hair.

"h-how'd you know?"

"a letter arrived today. for the owner of the diner. imagine my surprise when i read your name."

"i wanted to tell you, i… are you mad?"

you felt your eyes filling with tears, and you shook your head, letting your hands pressing against his cheeks.

"how could i be mad? you… you've changed my life since the moment you first walked through these doors. do you know how many times i've thanked the stars that jason freaking sanders stood me up that day? because it led me to meeting you. there's no other place where i feel as comfortable as when i'm in your arms."

"they were made for holding you," he leaned his forehead against yours. "i feel like i've loved you since before i even really knew what love was. do you remember when we were eighteen?" he asked, and you nodded immediately.

"the day you helped me out here," you smiled, "it's one of my favorite memories together,"

"mine too. i think by that point… i was already in too deep. you made me feel like no one ever had before. everything i've done is because i was learning to love you. meeting you has been the greatest adventure of my life." lando confessed, and he stared at you with those big, wide, blue eyes of his that made your heart skip a beat. "i want to love you, just the way you made me feel when we were eighteen,"

"to be loved is a wonderful thing. to be in love is probably one of the greatest joys in life. but to love someone, unconditionally, without doubts or worries… i'm sure there's nothing quite like it."

your lips met his in the most tender embrace, just the softest touch of his skin on yours was enough to drive you over the edge. you kissed him with all the love, want and need you had for him.

linda and patrick were right. you did find love in linda's diner. what a perfect place.

[hotched]

Because of Winn-Dixie

Requested by @marrianena - walking the dog(s)

Masterlist for Small Moments series

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: mention of Peter Lewis/Mr. Scratch and the Hotchner men being in witsec

A/N: I rewrote this like three times because I had so many different ideas but I had a lot of fun! Hopefully at least a couple of you understand the reference to the book because I thought it was so clever after I had the idea that I wanted to hear Hotch yelling “Dixie” 🤣

Gif credit goes to @ropoto <3

You thanked the world everyday that you ran into each other at the dog park, that Aaron was sent to this place and gave in to Jack’s wishes for a german shepherd.

The day you met was a Wednesday - you had the routine of walking your young golden retriever, Winnie, every day after you got off of work. You had noticed the father and son before, it was a fairly small town so new people always seemed to stand out. The duo seemed close, the father was very doting and attentive to his son despite his constant looking over his shoulder. You wanted to approach them and welcome them to town but knew it would scare him off so you held yourself back. Instead of approaching, you would smile in their direction when your dog started to bark at theirs.

After a week, those smiles turned into a smile-wave combination until a couple days later when you were forced into close proximity. It was a cooler fall afternoon when Winnie’s leash slipped through your gloved hands and she took off towards the duo you loved to watch. You took after her but were too late. She crashed into the son and started licking at his face.

Around his giggles, you looked up at his father and apologized with a small smile, “I’m so sorry! Her leash slipped through my hand.”

“It’s okay! She’s so cute! My name is Jack and this is my dad and our new puppy Dixie” he introduced, giving you a wave as he continued to pet Winnie. His father regarded you with a cautious look but after a moment, stuck out his hand. Due to your initial perusal and observations about the reserved father, you weren’t surprised by his weariness but the formal greeting momentarily threw you off your game. With a warm smile, you rationalized his behavior off as being old fashioned and introduced yourself as well.

“And this here is Winnie” you finished, tilting your head towards your own dog. Jack stopped petting her to pull back and look at you. The curious tilt of his head reminded you of his father and it was cute, the resemblance.

“Her name is Winnie? Together our dog’s names make Winn Dixie. Dad and I just finished reading that book, I really liked it” the boy enthused, hands excitedly flying through the air as he told you about his favorite parts of the story. His dad tried to cut him off once but you shot him a smile with a shake of your head - you didn’t mind. You didn’t quite remember reading the book when you were a child but his recollection brought up enough of a memory that you could carry on the conversation. You were discussing how much both of your dogs liked peanut butter, just like Winn Dixie, when the two dogs started to lick each other.

“It looks like they like each other” you mused, a wide smile on your face as Jack giggled. A glance up at his father revealed a grin matching your own. The two of you locked eyes for a moment and you could see the gratefulness in his gaze. You shot him a quick wink before turning back to his son.

“Well Jack, it was nice to meet you. Winnie and I are here everyday at this time if Dixie ever wants to play” you commented as Jack gave you a quick smile before petting Winnie one last time.

“Can we, dad? I think Dixie would miss her new friend if we didn’t” Jack pleaded, looking up with wide puppy dog eyes to his father. You laughed at the stuck expression on the older man’s face and gathered Winnie’s leash. Without waiting for the response, you gave Jack one last wave as you were led back towards home. Winnie was ready for dinner and her after dinner nap.

While it wasn’t for another week and a half, you did end up running into the trio again. This time the father introduced himself - Adam Hoffener - though the name didn’t seem to fit him, he continued to be friendly but reserved. It wasn’t until the doggie playdate turned into a shared dinner that you started to realize there was much more to the family than meets the eye.

One shared evening turned into many more until you were a staple in the Hoffener household. You had dated single fathers before and understood the hesitation with starting a relationship when children are involved but Adam’s caution was baffling. You tried to do everything you could to prove yourself to him, to show how much you wanted him and Jack but nothing seemed to work. It took a breakdown more than a year and a half after you met where you suggested a breakup for Adam - Aaron - to open up. Finding out the truth about Aaron and Jack’s past was daunting but you didn’t run away. You were in it for the long haul.

Even after his old team found the man they were running from, Aaron decided not to go back to the FBI. His home was here with you, or at least that’s what he told you that night while down on one knee.

Now that the threat was eliminated, Aaron felt more comfortable falling into a normal routine. He still advised that the three of you not follow it strictly as to invite trouble but you kept your afternoon walks. Winn-Dixie is the nickname Jack gave your dogs, talking about them as a unit instead of separately. He loved the time outside just as much as your girls did, his latest favorite was the frisbee. He loved taking two and seeing which of the pups would bring it back the fastest. You and Aaron loved it because it wore all three of them out. Jack would run around with the dogs while you cuddled up on a park bench with your fiance. When it started to get colder out, you would stuff your hands into his jacket pockets and wiggle as close to him as possible.

Those moments in the park would always be special for your little family to reflect back on. Even after it changed, adding in a little energetic chihuahua and an even more energetic little girl, your time in the park would always be your favorite.

[inkbyajm]

Bottled Up

pairing: C.H. x fem!reader

category: angst, fluff

warnings: yelling, crying, insecurities

word count: 2.2k

notes: apologies for the tardy post, i wrote and rewrote and re-rewrote the whole angsty scene because i didn’t know if it was written well enough, i wanted to make sure you guys could feel the emotions that i vividly visualised and tried my best to put into words  :( i did send it to a friend to check and she seemed to like it, so let me know how it goes for you, my loves. the angst for this one was inspired by 2 different songs - hold me while you wait by lewis capaldi and i will run from you by cemeteries. it’s not necessarily about the lyrics, but more about the melody and the mood you get into listening to them (they go in order). give those a listen :) also, beware of the upcoming philosophy references, i did study philosophy last year, hopefully no one gets triggered lmao

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Is a person’s scent something a normal human being picks up on before taking into account the rest of their features? Would a normal human being remember said scent and be able to recognise it in a crowd full of strangers? Corpse wasn’t too sure about the answer, but one thing he did know, is that she smelled delicately sweet, like cherry blossoms, and that ever since he had noticed it during their game night a few weeks ago, he simply couldn’t let it go. It was intoxicating, but in a calming way. 

━

Corpse and (Y/N) each lay on their beds in their own homes, going into the third hour of their call. He couldn’t exactly fall asleep, so he had decided to see what his dear friend was up to, and even though she was this close to succumbing to sleep, she said nothing and stayed up to keep his busy mind company.

“Okay, hot topic: what do you think about soulmates? More specifically the romantic type?” the girl asked, not knowing how much of a risqué question it was. How was he supposed to answer?

“I don’t really have an opinion on it. Why?”

“I read Symposium by Plato the other day and it presented an interesting concept about human beings. Basically-” Of course she fucking read philosophical books. How were they even having a conversation with each other? Why were they even friends? She was on a whole other level of smart. “-so this guy says that humans were like androgynous blobs, so they’d come in two sets of everything a normal person has. But those humans were so powerful, the gods were literally shaking in their robes, so Zeus decided to cut everyone into two to weaken them. But then humans became so miserable, they spent their entire lives searching for their other halves. In the end, Zeus kinda felt bad and said fuck it, I’ll give y’all dicks and vaginas for every time you wanna hug each other. And that’s the oldest explanation there is about the idea of soulmates.” she sighed, finished with her rant.

“That was...not at all the story I expected to hear.” she heard him mumble on the other side of the call. “Yeah, Greek philosophers were up to some reeal freaky things, you would have loved them,” he laughed at her joke, “I honestly think it’s cute. Not the whole cutting people into two thing, but like, longing for someone and then finding them because you finally feel complete. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a prince in shining whatever to sweep me off my feet. But it does sound nice, that ideal comfort, a person you’re just...meant to be with, I guess.”

There was a moment of silence that neither of them really minded, before it was Corpse’s turn to ask the second bold question of the night. “Have you found that person yet? Your soulmate?”

She’s never thought about it before, but she hasn’t really thought about soulmates that much either, it was a spontaneous thought she had said out loud. “I’m not sure, actually. (B/F/N) could be one, I guess.” (Y/N) shrugged in return. Wasn’t she going to ask him about it? She probably didn’t care that much. Understandable.

“My favourite quote about love is «You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.». It’s by Sam Keen, the American philosopher. It maay be the hopeless romantic in me shining through, but I do very much agree with his statement.” Did this mean anyone could have a chance with her despite their fuckups? So if he were to try, would she-?

“Obviously, there are some things that just can’t be ignored or avoided, but at that point it’s preferences and personal tolerance. Depends on the person, ya know?” she swiftly added, unaware of the effect it had on him. Sick. Some people were just meant to rot alone.

The final question was posed by (Y/N). She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t at all curious. This little crush of hers had been steadily growing with every hang out, every laugh, every hug and every glance. There are rarely ever moments where one could casually discuss a topic this personal with friends, at least there weren’t with friends one had feelings for. This was the perfect opportunity.

“Corpse?”

“Hmm?”

“Have you ever been in love?” her voice was soft, her approach gentle.

“Well, I’ve been in relationships before, so I guess, yeah? It’s been so long, I don’t even know what love feels like anymore.” he let out a breath resembling a chuckle. Lamest fucking answer ever. But it was true. He hadn’t thought about love in that way in quite a while.

“A lot of people describe it as having an intense range of overwhelming feelings. Lightheadedness, slight shakiness, heart palpitations, some people have even reported losing their appetite. Crazy how human bodies work, huh? Oh! Speaking of chemicals-”

She had continued on to ramble about...chemistry? Eyes? Corpse couldn’t really hear what she was saying anymore, let alone concentrate on her words, as he pieced everything that’s been happening for the past few months together. The nauseating feeling. The pounding of his heart so fast it felt like he was about to die. The urge to make as little eye contact with her as possible, because otherwise he’d turn into a furnace. The obsession with her perfume, like he was some fucking creep. The fool was falling in love. And it was at that moment that everything had come crumbling down.

━

(Y/N) and Corpse hadn’t talked for a couple of weeks. Or rather (Y/N) messaged the 23 year old many times, but he’d either claim to be busy or just not answer at all. There were two possible reasons for the sudden lack of contact: he was indeed busy with his musical projects and couldn’t allow himself to be distracted; or something much more serious was going on. It didn’t matter, for she was already in her car, on her way to his apartment.

Arriving at her destination, she used the spare key he gave her months ago, a sign of absolute trust, and allowed herself into his humble abode. Silence reigned in her friend’s residence. She thought maybe he had gone somewhere, and though that was unlikely, it wasn’t unprecedented. The door to his recording room was closed, and while she was tempted to check if he was in there, she refrained from doing so, knowing that specific room was not to be entered unless he was around to give permission.

“Corpse?” she called out just to make sure. There was no response for a few minutes, which made her assume she had the place for herself, until she heard a door open behind her. Turning around, she saw his figure emerge from said recording room in a white t-shirt and black sweatpants, his curly hair disheveled.

“Hey, how are you d-”

“Why are you here?” he spoke flatly, interrupting her. “Well- You weren’t, um, answering your messages or any of my calls, so I thought something had happened.” she replied, suddenly nervous, fiddling with the rings on her fingers. “Nothing happened. I told you I was busy.”

The air around them seemed colder as tensions rose. (Y/N) could tell he was irritated, but she couldn’t exactly figure out why. She had never seen this side of him before. “Okay. Tell you what, I assume you haven’t had dinner yet, so why don’t I go ahead and start cooking something up while you-”

“Get out.”

She blinked a few times, not quite registering the words that had just left his mouth. “Sorry?” Her voice was quiet. She was taken off guard.

“Are you deaf? I said get. the fuck. OUT.”

Corpse shouted the last word, making her flinch in what appeared to be fear. Good. Run away while you still can. Heart pounding, (Y/N) took a second to remind herself whom she was speaking to. “I see that you’re angry, but at least give me a reason why-”

“You want a reason? I just don’t fucking WANT you here!” Anger grew inside of him like a tumor, but it wasn’t intended for her. She had simply been caught in a storm that had been building up for years. “Do you understand that?! I can’t fucking be around you without feeling like I’m going to EXPLODE.”

His words hit her like paintballs. They were only words, plain and simple, but they dug deeper and deeper into her skin with each hit, until, eventually, it broke. Eyes burning, she felt the tears slowly welling up in them.

“Why are you doing this to me?!” her own voice grew louder with frustration, but mostly, confusion.

“Maybe because I can? Because I’m a goddamn asshole?” 

“Don’t say that.”

“How?! How can I not say it when it’s the truth!” He wanted to stop. His mind told him to cease whatever it was that he was doing. However, blinded with resentment towards himself, he only spilled words he would regret after it was too late. 

“I can’t function like a normal fucking human being. I can’t be a good friend, son, or whatever the fuck else, and I sure as hell can’t love you.”

The paintballs had turned into a singular sword. A very long, very sharp sword that had found itself plunged deep inside her chest. How did he found out? When? Had she been too obvious? Had she been pushy? Clingy? Way out of line? The woman before him was unable to conceal her shock, as tears came rushing down her hot cheeks. Her voice brittle, she tried defending herself. She couldn’t leave it at that. She had to try. Try to have him see reason. “You don’t love me, that’s fine. But you didn’t have to deliver it this way-”

“But I did.” breathless with fury, Corpse clenched his fists so tight they had turned cold, yet they were still trembling. “You can get so naïve and dumb, you won’t understand things unless they’re spelled out nice and fucking bold for you.”

He closed with (Y/N) until their noses nearly touched. He noticed the way she silently shook, her eyes which shed endless tears never leaving his gaze. Unable to make a single sound, she felt the man’s hot breath on her face, his aura domineering.

“Now get. out.”

Her body wouldn’t cooperate as she just stood there. Staring back at him, her inner brows raised. Corpse wanted to hug her. Envelop her trembling figure with his and tell her he was sorry, that he meant none of it, that he had lost his mind. But he couldn’t bring himself to do anything. And with his own tears threatening to spill, he created a distance between them. He needed her gone.

“Leave! GO!”

His yelling was enough to jolt (Y/N) out of her trance, and, in a hurry, she sprinted towards the entrance. The door closed behind her, she felt a sudden urge to fill her lungs with much needed air. She jumped at the resounding scream that emanated from deep within his soul, letting out all of his pent-up rage.

Feet carrying her all the way to her car parked outside of the building, the young woman managed to climb in, and this was the queue for her body to break down. The night was young. The street empty. No one around to hear her long-lasting wailing. She clutched the steering wheel for support, fingers wrapping around the leather in a tight grip. A headache was creeping up from the back of her skull. Her ears pulsated in response to the heavy pounding of her heart. Clumsily, (Y/N) inserted the key into the ignition, felt around for the gear stick, and drove away. She didn’t know where she was going or how long it was going to take to get there. She needed to get out.

What went wrong? When did it go wrong? She couldn’t help but feel guilty, feel at fault. She had never seen that side of him before. He had never treated her that way before.

It was the hugs, wasn’t it? He had to have noticed the way she held on for a second too long to enjoy the smell of his cologne. Her vision blurred as she resumed softly weeping, her salty tears staining her top. Or it might have been the touchiness, she would practically glue herself to him during their movie nights. Unaware of both her actions and surroundings, (Y/N)’s breathing quickened, becoming ragged. Maybe he didn’t like the way she called him three times a week. Her hands were slowly losing control over the wheel, over the vehicle she was driving. She invaded his privacy. That was definitely it. Fuck. How could she have been so damn blind, selfish, ignorant, FUCKING STUPID.

Lights. Something was moving towards her- MOVE.

With a sharp turn, she dodged the approaching car just by a hair’s breadth, but as she had avoided one accident, another came just as quickly. 

[thewritingstar]

I Wont Cast You Aside

Pairing: Marinette x Chloe 

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug 

Word count: 5k (was suppose to be 1k but I wanted a bigger story line) 

Note: This is a commission for the wonderful @wombatking I want to thank you for not only commissioning this but trusting me with a pairing I haven’t written for yet. One thing about writing fics for a new pair is the fear of not being able to capture them together. I rewrote this beast so many times and I hope that you enjoy it! 

Thank you for being so patient with me and I really hope you like it :) Also yes, the title is a pun, I couldn’t resist. 

                                        ≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾

There's a rush of adrenaline in her system as she takes off running. She ignores the yell from Ladybug and soon the wind is all she can hear. The streetlights of Paris swirl into a bright blur as she practically flies from rooftop to rooftop. Nothing can stop her as her target is locked in sight and she can feel a victory coming.

For months she's been gaining traction and skill. All she wanted was to prove to Ladybug that her choice shouldn’t turn into a regret. That she was meant to be Queen Bee.

Another jump and she's closing in. She can almost feel the energy of the akuma buzzing within that cursed object. Her eyes narrow and she calls out for her spinning top while activating her venom. It's over now. That's what the blonde tells herself as she sends the weapon spinning through the night and wraps it around the leg of the villain of the day.

Pride. It swells through her as they go down with a thud. They won, a victory that has her name stamped on it and she wants nothing more than to have Ladybug and Chat Noir beside her to finish off the job.

She turns to look for them but all she sees is the stars dancing on the horizon. It's strange and she can feel her stomach twist in a way she doesn’t like.

A dark chuckle comes from the villain below.

“Ladybug?” She whispers to herself and as she turns towards her voice, there's a louder sound that rings through her ears. “Ladybug?” She calls out louder. She doesn’t understand. They were right behind her. She wasn’t that far, they had to have followed her.

“No one is coming.” The villain says.

Queen Bee looks at their eyes but there's nothing there. No sense of emotion can be found and for a second, she wonders if they are alive. It's terrifying and she feels alone. Their laughter turns to an uproar.

“You’re nothing!” They scream as they try to jolt towards her. “You’re a waste of space. A hero with no merit.”

The ground below her starts to sink like quicksand. Her throat goes dry, and she tries to scream but nothing comes out. Pain shoots through her body and she can feel tears streaming down her face as the world above her disappears and she falls into a darkness.

“Ladybug!” She manages to yell but the light above is cut from her view and now she's falling.

Her body is weightless and every fear she's had is echoing around her like a cave of personal torment. A golden flash surrounds her, and she can feel the power drain from her system. Pollen stares at her with lifeless eyes as the comb hovers in her face, taunting her as the gold turns black like ink.

“You were never a queen.” Pollen spats.

It crumbles into dust as her lungs squeeze from the scream leaving her lips.

“Pollen!” Chloe cries but she's nowhere to be found as the dust surrounds her in the dark.

                                          ≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾

Chloe wakes with a jolting start.

She looks around to see herself in her room. No plunging darkness or a disappointed Pollen. The voice of Ladybug isn’t calling out to her. She's in her bed safe and sound. Her heart rate is skyrocketing as she tries to catch her breath. She turns to the clock and sees that it's barely four in the morning. The nightmares had been happening more and more. Nights become restless and her body is starting to move to the brink of exhaustion.

That night of her failure plays on a repeat. It's like a broken record. The face of the villain staring at her as she falls, the scream coming from her throat and both Ladybug and Chat Noir’s voices echoing in her ears. No matter how many times she has it, the fear doesn’t leave.

“It's just a nightmare.” She tells herself, but she can see it and feel it so clearly that she isn’t sure if it's just her imagination.

Chloe grabs a tissue from her nightstand and wipes the sweat off her brow. All she wanted was a peaceful night of rest but apparently that's too much to ask for. Her stomach feels like it's turned upside down as she makes her way to the bathroom, moving slower than what she was used to.

Cold water splashes against her face and she stares at the mirror to a face that looks paler than usual. Bags have formed under her eyes and not even her imported skin care can undo the damage of losing sleep. Even the blue of her eyes had seemed to lose their brightness.

“You’re okay.” She whispers with a shaky voice and swallows hard. “You’re okay.”

It's the only thing she can say to herself. The only thing that can calm the storm from within until the nightmare strikes again.

She makes her way back to her bed that feels more like a prison at this point. Bedrest sounded so glamorous at the time but now that she's been stuck here for almost two weeks, she wanted nothing more than to leave. She is afraid to close her eyes. Afraid that when she does, the darkness will form once again.

Suddenly there's a knock on her balcony door, it breaks her from her thoughts. There's hardly any wind tonight and the trees had just been cut so there's no way for the tree to reach the glass. For a moment she wonders if it's another akuma. Maybe she wasn’t awake after all, and her nightmare is continuing. The door gets another knock.

Her eyes narrow towards the door, but the shadow of a figure suggests that the wind wasn’t the culprit. She recognizes the figure instantly.

Her stomach goes into a knot and shame fills her heart. A part of her didn’t want to open it. She’d rather not face the superhero again but knows that's not possible. Instead, she huffs and manages to get over to the door without falling over.

She opens the door to Ladybug who stands in front of her with flowers and a soft smile on her face. “Hi.”

“Hey.” Chloe steps aside and lets the hero pass by. “It's four a.m.”

“I know, I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. Haven’t gotten the chance to see you.” Ladybug looks down at the cast that adores Chloe’s right leg. Guilt washes over her and when their eyes meet, she knows she was caught staring.

Chloe nods and bites her lip, trying to ignore the look on Ladybug's face. “It's fine, you’re busy.”

“Queen Bee.” Ladybugs starts but Chloe raises her hand to stop her as they sit on the couch for more comfort. She wants to tell Chloe every single apology in the books. Tell her it's her fault she got hurt and to make sure she knows she's going to do anything in her power to help her out.

Instead, Chloe frowns. “Ladybug, don’t.”

“Chloe.” She had brought her a bouquet of bluebells and marigolds, her favorite and she wonders how she knew but also doesn’t question the gift. “I’m so sorry.”

This was a surprise. She looks at the superhero, distress clear on her face. “Why are you apologizing? I’m the one who got hurt.”

“On my account. If I stayed with you, your foot wouldn’t be broken and don’t try to change my mind on that. I couldn’t reach you in time. I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am.”

Chloe holds her tongue but then again, she's not one to keep quiet. “I don’t blame you. It's not your fault nor Chats. I was clumsy and too eager, but I learned my lesson. I’ll be fine, it's a clean break anyways.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that I should have protected you better.”

“We all make mistakes, but you aren’t the reason I broke my foot.” She lets out a sigh. “Maybe it's for the best.”

“It's not.” Ladybug frowns and shakes her head. “I just want Queen Bee back by my side. I want you back on our team.”

The blonde looks towards the flowers, a sense of comfort washing over her. “I’m surprised you even want me on your team.” Her voice is low and she's trying not to cry but it hurts too much to think that her time as a superhero is done just because she was reckless and in a cast. An ugly white cast that clashes with every clothing article she owns. Ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous.

A laugh bubbles from Ladybugs lips. “Of course, I still want you! You’ve grown so much over these past few months and sure, it was a rocky start but look at you. You’re a member of this team Chloe. Chat and I can always rely on you in a pinch.” And she means it. Chloe of course doesn’t know her true identity and maybe she doesn’t quite believe her words, but Ladybug does.

She smiles at the blonde who just happens to be her girlfriend in her civilian life and she's trying to keep her guilt at bay. The moment she found out Queen Bee had broken a leg, she blamed herself. Tikki tried to reason with her, begged her to see the bigger picture and that accidents happen. If it was anyone's fault, it was that damned Hawk Moth.

A small weight comes off of Chloe’s shoulder as she relaxes. “Thank you, Ladybug, that means a lot.” Chloe smiles and wipes her eyes. “I promise I’ll get better soon; you can count on that!”

“I know I can.” Ladybug smiles and stands. “I should get going, it's late-or well, early. Take it easy Chloe and if you need anything, just holler.”

Chloe watches as she leaves through the balcony door. She looks at the arrangement of flowers and a small smile forms on her lips. Grabbing her crutches, she manages to get to her bed much easier than before.

Her eyes flutter close and for the first time in a while the nightmare doesn’t greet her.

                                         ≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾

It's odd. The limo pulls up to the school and yet she doesn’t want to leave. The moment the word got out that Queen Bee had gotten hurt, and her civilian form was now stuck in a cast, chaos within the press had broken out.

She was used to the flashes of cameras, being the mayor's daughter had some publicity perks, but she didn’t like the limelight on her injury. She wanted to be treated normally. People began to treat her like she was made of glass. She wasn’t. She was fine. Yeah...she was fine.

Even her friends saw her differently. Adrien seemed on edge when visiting her as if he personally caused it. Little did she know the fear he was holding as he handed her flowers and told her that he can rely on her for anything. Sabrina tried her hardest not to overwhelm her with concern, but the redhead had burst into tears when she had seen her best friend being bandaged up.

Flowers had started to pile up in her room that she sent them to decorate the lobby of the hotel and even offered others the chocolate she had been gifted. Even many fan letters addressed to Queen Bee had begun to show up and although she adored the attention, reading them while stuck in bed had begun to feel like she had let everyone down.

All she wanted was for people to say their comforting words and go on with their day. Of course, seeing all of her friends standing on the steps of the school to greet her with smiles was a step in the direction she was aiming for. She knew that all of their hearts were genuine, and she didn’t mind each of them personally visiting her. They cared about her, and she was happy to know that she had people who did.

Over the past few months, she has grown into a better person. She was tired of being seen as the mean popular girl and learned that making friends with compassion and kindness was always the better way. After all she had learned first-hand from her girlfriend.

Out of the crowd Marinette stepped forward. She held out her hand to help Chloe out of the limo and grabbed her bag so she could get onto her crutches.

“Hi.” Marinette said with a smile and kissed her on the cheek. “How are you doing?”

In all honesty, she was exhausted. Tired of this ugly cast, tired of being treated with kid gloves, tired of it all. But the one thing she would never get bored of, was her girlfriend and those beautiful blue eyes that held care and affection.

The blonde forced a small smile onto her lips. “I’m doing alright, but I would feel better if you walked me to class.” She looked towards the rest of their friends and smiled. “Don’t worry these crutches won’t stop me from being fabulous so no need to get worried.”

“Happy to have you back.” Adrien smiled as many heads nodded in agreement.

“Sabrina told me that she has all of your notes in your locker.” Marinette said right as the bell rang.

Chloe huffed. “I forgot that I still have schoolwork. This is ridiculous.”

“Utterly ridiculous?” Marinette giggled just as Chloe’s cheeks flushed.

As they started walking, Chloe took Marinette's hand. “I’m really happy to see you.” She whispered.

“You’ve seen me for the past three days straight.” Marinette responded.

“I know but you make everything so much better, even if you do nothing but just be in the same room as me.”

“Aww Bee.” She blushed. “I like being around you too.”

They reached their classroom just as the bell rang signaling that class was about to start. Marinette dropped off Chloe’s bag and helped her into her seat. “I’ll see you at lunch.” She winked and went to her seat next to Alya.

                                          ≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾

Marinette stared at the back of Chloe’s head the entire day. Although she had seen her as Ladybug the night before, it didn’t help the fact that the guilt was stirring around her. Again, and again, she tried to remind herself that it wasn’t her fault. That her girlfriend falling from the rooftop and waking up with a broken leg was just a mishap with an akuma.

It didn’t help though. She could see it in Chloe's eyes. The desperation on her face when she was told that the cast would be there for a few months. Those crutches would become a new normal and she wouldn’t be able to do certain activities with her friends such as swimming just as the sun was coming out. It wasn’t fair and she felt like she let her down not only as a superhero, but as a friend.

There was something off about Chloe as she went through the day. At lunch, people gave her some flowers and offered to sign her cast, but she had declined any signatures. Marinette offered her company on the bench and held out a small box of sugar cookies. “I made these last night for you.”

She could see Chloe’s shoulders instantly relax a little and a small beam of pride was felt as Chloe took the box and thanked her.

“I was wondering if you wanted me to come over tomorrow night. My mom and dad are out for the weekend on a delivery so I would be alone.” Marinette said. “I was thinking of a movie night, and I made some designs for your cast and crutches.”

There was a part of Chloe that wanted to be by herself. However, the other side of her wanted nothing more than to be cuddled up next to Marinette while a movie played in the background. Her social battery was becoming challenged lately but Marinette only seemed to add energy as she never got tired of being around her.

“Honestly, I could use some girlfriend time. I love my dad, but he's been babying me and although I’m in a cast, I can still handle myself. Plus, I can hardly stand this ugly thing.” She tapped on her cast. “Tomorrows perfect.”

“Awesome! I’ll bring over my art supplies and a bunch of movies.” Mari smiled and kissed her on the cheek as the bell rang. “Here let me get your bag.” She offered and put it on her shoulder.

“It's alright, I can probably carry it myself.” Chloe tried to reach for it but instead Marinette took her hand and placed a kiss to her knuckles.

“I’m sure you can but I would like to carry my girlfriend's stuff.”

“Alright Dupain-Cheng. Just let me know when you get tired of it, all we need is for you to fall down the stairs and get put into your own cast.” Chloe teased.

Marinette rolled her eyes playfully. “I’m not that clumsy.”

“Of course not. But you are cute.” She winked and started to walk to class leaving a flushed Marinette behind.

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Everywhere she looked there was glitter. It was as if someone had taken all the sparkle particles in the city and sent them straight to her bedroom. Yellows, purples, golds and pinks of all shaped plastic that was as tiny as the tip of the pin covered her hands.

“Mari, I love the enthusiasm but am I going to have to get my room deep cleaned?” Chloe asked as she wiped her hands on a towel and yet the glitter still shined across her palm.

Marinette giggled as she grabbed another paintbrush and dipped it into black paint. “It will come out soon, or in a day-maybe even a year.”

The blonde wanted to be annoyed that she could potentially wake up covered in the stuff but seeing her girlfriend enjoying herself as she decorated those ugly crutches was enough to make her okay with the sacrifice of her rug.

“Well as long as my crutches look better than anyone’s ever had, I don’t mind.” She smirked.

“I’m sure they will. And done!” Marinette exclaimed and stood up to examine the crutches. “What do you think?”

Chloe always knew that Marinette was an artsy person, anyone could tell that just by looking at her. No matter how many times she was shown her work, she would always be in awe at how amazing it was.

The crutches had gone from a dull light grey to a masterpiece. They had been painted a light yellow and had black flowers all around them. Small bees were hidden all around and had glitter on top to add a little extra flair. Even the cushions that her arms rested on were now wrapped with black fabric.

“They look stunning.” Chloe gasped.

“A Queen Bee theme for a queen.” Marinette smiled and placed them against the wall so that the paint could dry. “They should be dry in a couple hours so if you need to move around, I’ll help you around.”

“Thank you, Marinette, I love them a lot.”

“Anything for you.” She kissed her cheek. “Now are you ready for the cast? I was thinking of painting sunflowers and then our friends can sign the petals to make it even more special.”

“That sounds lovely.” Chloe says as Marinette moves her leg, so her cast is sitting in her lap.

“Perfect! Will you pass me the yellow paint?” She points.

Chloe reaches to the bucket of paints and picks out the tube of yellow and hands it to her. Her eyes shift over to her crutches, and she focuses on the bees. She loves it and thinks it's pretty, but her chest still feels tight when she thinks about her being Queen Bee.

“Marinette, can I tell you a secret?” She whispers and she feels like she wants to take the words back when Marinette looks up at her.

“Of course, always.” She responds and sets her brush down.

“I shouldn’t be Queen Bee.”

Marinette's eyes shot wide open as she's shocked from the words that left her lips. “What? Why would you say that?”

She expected her to react like this but something about the look in Marinette's eyes makes her wonder why she looks so upset. She suddenly feels so small, and she knows that if she speaks, tears will follow.

She feels Marinette take her hand. “Is this because you got hurt?”

Chloe sniffles and she turns her head away. “It's more than just that. It's nightmares and letting everyone down.”

“Chloe.” She frowns. “You didn’t let anyone down.”

“It's ridiculous Marinette. I really thought that I could be this amazing superhero and be helpful. Instead, I was a fool that almost cost us the win. Ladybug told me that the miraculous would be waiting for me once I’m better, but I don’t think I should go back. I can’t mess up again.” Chloe looks at her and now she can see it.

She can see the heartbreak in Chloe’s eyes. The bags from hardly any sleep are showing up and she wishes she noticed sooner. Every time she had visited Chloe, she never talked about the nightmares, or the cast and she didn’t want to bring it up herself. It's weighing on her and all she wants to do is reach out and take away the pain.

Tears gather in Marinette's eyes. She had never seen pure devastation on her girlfriend's face or seen how vulnerable she is allowing herself to be. The conversation she had when she was Ladybug comes back. She takes a breath because she isn’t sure her words would work when Ladybugs didn’t do so well.

“You know what I admire about you?” Marinette starts and cups her cheek. “You have a remarkable amount of bravery. It's okay to mess up and make mistakes, but what really counts is if you get back up again.”

A sigh leaves the blondes' lips. “I don’t know.”

“I can see it in your eyes Chloe. No matter what, you love helping people as Queen Bee. Getting hurt doesn’t make you a bad superhero. It makes you human. No one will blame you for being scared to go back out there. You have so much courage just considering it. I believe Ladybug when she says she wants you back out there. You’re amazing and I wish I could show you how great you are.”

“Do you really think she means it? That she’s waiting for me?” She asks.

“Definitely. Ladybug would never cast you aside.” She reassures her.

Through her sobs Chloe let’s out a laugh. “That's exactly what Chat Noir said.”

Marinette's eyes widen when she realizes the pun she just accidentally said and scoffs. “Of course, he did.” Her thumb catches another tear. “I mean it Chloe. Not as just your girlfriend but as someone who truly believes in you and is on your side. You are the only Queen Bee for Paris. Plus, it would be utterly ridiculous of you not to go back out there.” She tried to make her smile.

And it works. The tears slow as Chloe takes a deep breath. “It would be ridiculous, wouldn’t it?”

Marinette scoots closer and nuzzles her nose against hers. “I mean if you quit then I couldn’t brag at how my amazing, stunning and absolutely gorgeous girlfriend is one of the greatest superheroes the world has ever seen.”

“Well, we couldn’t let that happen.” Chloe giggles as she feels her heart becoming lighter.

It becomes clear to Chloe that she can’t let this affect her. She wouldn't let a broken foot and fear hold her back. No, she was going to be the hero her girlfriend believed her to be. She wanted to rise to the challenge and get her mojo back. Make sure that Ladybug knew that she was ready to get back out there and be back on her team. She wanted to see Pollen again and help stop Hawk Moth.

“You’re amazing Chloe.” Marinette and that's enough for Chloe to want to be better.

It has always been Marinette cheering her on. She won’t let her down. She leans forward and takes Marinette's lips slowly. It's soft and slow but fills her stomach with butterflies. A warmth fills her chest as Marinette kisses her back. She runs her hand through her dark hair, pulling her impossibly closer and she can feel the smile forming on her girlfriend's lip.

“Thank you, Marinette, for believing in me.” She said as they pulled apart.

“I always will Chloe.” She responds just as she kisses her again.

                                       ≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾

                                                  A month later

“Alright Ms. Bourgeois, your cast is officially off, and you won’t be needing to rely on crutches anymore. All I suggest is taking it easy for about a week or two, but you recovered extremely well.” The doctor smiled and Chloe could feel a new freedom as she wiggled her toes.

“It's about time.” She spoke.

“You can discard your crutches in the other room if you no longer want them.”

Chloe turned to her crutches that were still as pretty as the day they were painted. “Absolutely not. These crutches are the best in Paris and there is no way that I am getting rid of them.” She then sees her cast sitting on the back counter. “I want to keep that too.”

“You want to keep your cast?” The doctor questions.

She only scoffs and hops off the medical table. “Of course! My friends worked hard to make it look special, it's going to be framed to remember my time of bravery.”

The doctor shrugs. “Okay then, you’re free to go Ms. Bourgeois.”

“Thank you.” She huffed and grabbed her crutches before heading out toward her limo.

For the first time in what feels like a century, she's able to get into the car without any help. She can cross her legs and shift comfortably. “I’m never taking advantage of walking again.” She says to herself as she pulls out her phone. She dials a number and on the second ring it picks up.

“Mari? We have a date in the park this Saturday and I want your finest sugar cookies.”

She hears her girlfriend's soft laugh on the other side of the phone. “I’ll be there.”

                                       ≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾

It had been a few days since the cast was removed. She felt perfectly fine, and everyone was starting to revert back to treating her normally. No more kid gloves or pampering hand and foot excessively. Now it was them pampering her hand and foot normally, just how she liked.

She stared in the mirror as she reached for a hair tie to pull her hair up. Behind her, she heard a tapping noise coming from her balcony door. Looking at the time, she realized she had about ten minutes before her date with Marinette.

Another tap from the door and she rolled her eyes.

“Stupid wind.” She complained as she walked over to the door. Instead of the wind or a random object, the hero of creation stood before her. “Ladybug?” She gasped.

The hero offered a bright smile. “Heard you got the cast off and I’m in need of some assistance.” She said as she held out the miraculous box.

Any doubt or guilt she had carried over the last few weeks had vanished. There was a hint of pride in Ladybug's eyes as she offered the power to her.

Chloe reached out for it before hesitating. “I have a date with Marinette.” She frowned.

Panic settled in as Ladybug held the box. “Uh, I’m sure she will understand. After all, you are a superhero and about to help save Paris. Plus, you then get to tell her about all the exciting action you faced!” She said quickly.

Chloe thought about it for a second.

“I guess you’re right. She is one of the most understanding people around, unlike most of the fools I know. Now, hand me that box Ladybug, I have a villain to crush.”

A bright golden light emerged, and Pollen faced her with a smile.

“My Queen.” Pollen bowed.

“It's nice to see you again.” Chloe patted her on the head. “Time to remind Paris who their Queen Bee is!”

“Absolutely!” Pollen cheered.

“Pollen. Buzz on!”

As the light surrounded her, it filled her with joy. There was no darkness, no villain taking her down. Fear of failure was a thing of the past.

A hand came onto her shoulder. “It's good to have you back Queen Bee.” Ladybug said.

Chloe turned and engulfed her in a hug. It took them both by surprise, but she felt Ladybugs arms around her. “Thank you.” She whispered.

“You are always going to be Paris’s bee.”

                                        ≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾

There was a rush of adrenaline flowing through her as she transformed back to her civilian form. She handed Ladybug her miraculous and for the first time in months, she was at peace with herself.

“You did amazing Chloe! Give Marinette my best.” Ladybug said as she zipped away.

Without wasting any time, Chloe rushed over to the park to find Marinette sitting on a picnic blanket.

“Sorry for the wait.” Chloe said as she joined her on the blanket.

Marinette laughed and handed her a drink. “Don’t worry about it. I ran back to the bakery to grab some stuff, so your timing is perfect.”

“Well, you have to be perfect to be a superhero.” Chloe smirked proudly. “I’m not sure if you saw but I got the final blow in.”

“I was on the edge of my seat watching the Lady Blog. You looked incredible.” Mari said as she took her hand. “I’m really happy you didn’t give up. You’re an inspiration to others by teaching them to not let fear hold them back. Ladybug is lucky to have you.”

Chloe felt her cheeks flush at her girlfriend's words. Pure adoration was clear on Marinette's face. “If anything, I’m lucky to have you.” Chloe told her before kissing her on the lips.

                                        ≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾

Thank you for reading :) 

[ickle-ronniekins]

secrets

request from anon: Hi!I was wondering if I could possibly request something.Surprise me with either twin,I don’t mind!Maybe a story where she’s really close friends with them both,one a little more so,however they’re both oblivious to the others’ feelings.Could be set in the Burrow n Molly thinks they’re dating so she’s making comments and happens to say like “it’s okay if you want to kiss around us” etc and they’re both like what??N then confess feelings maybe!Thank you so much, I love your blog and writing!!!

word count: 2.3k

pairing: fred x reader

A/N: guys my writer’s block sucks right now so i’m so terribly sorry if this is choppy and awful—i rewrote it six times i kid you not, wtf is up with me lately??

tag list: @mintlibri @seppys-return-to-madness @how-do-life-does @fopdoodledane @fredd-weasley @iprobablyshipit91 @semmelsemi @perksofbeingawf @cottageoflove @laneygthememequeen @snakesonaplane-7 @lupinsx @keoghans | message me if you’d like to be added loves

“Been ages since we’ve seen you,” George said as he pulled you into a tight embrace outside of the Burrow. The summer holiday was boring enough without your friends. But blimey, how many more people could Molly Weasley fit into her home? “Missed you!”

“Missed you too, George,” you beamed, even though it hadn’t really been that long—only a few weeks since the last school term ended, but it seemed like years. You were certainly thrilled to be back at one of your favorite places in the world. “Hey, Fred.”

Fred was leaning against the side of his house, watching you with a smirk on his face and his arms crossed. His eyes were sparkling underneath the moonlight. You’d arrived later than you thought you would. “Who invited you here?”

“Oi, shove off,” you said, walking up to him and pushing on his chest. You held out your arms for an embrace and smiled teasingly at him, “Come give your favorite girl a hug.”

Favorite girl. To hide any feelings that may have been showing in his facial expression, he wrapped his arms around you. He hugged you tightly—so much so in fact that you were lifted off of the ground and he then proceeded to spin you in a circle. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught Ginny giggling in the kitchen. Fred’s heart was pounding in his chest as he breathed in the scent of your flowery shampoo—something he didn’t realize he missed so much until this exact moment. When he placed you down, he took a deep breath and did his best to push down any nervousness rising in his chest—and so did you. Because, as it turns out, you had a huge secret you were trying to hide.

You were mad for him.

“We’ve missed you,” he said casually. “‘m really happy you’re here.”

You gulped. God, you’d missed him too. You grinned at him, “Me, too.”

Mrs. Weasley pulled you into an embrace and said, “So happy to have you, dear—hungry? I can whip something up for you,”

Gratefully, you thanked her and made your way into the Burrow, hugging Ginny excitedly and racing up to her room to change into more comfortable pajamas, something that everyone else was already in.

After a bit of dinner and a very large cup of tea, Ron suggested a few games of exploding snap before heading to bed—him versus George, you versus Fred, Ginny versus Harry. Hermione sat next to you all in the armchair, scribbling quickly in a notebook clutched tightly in her hands.

“D’you think a lot of people are going to come out for Quidditch tryouts this year?” Ron asked casually, although it was easy to tell he was already looking forward to it.

You felt sad at the thought. It was your seventh and final year at Hogwarts, your last chance to play for the team you’ve been on since your second year. “Dunno, mate,” Harry replied truthfully.

Fred and George were certain you three, and Harry as well, would make the team again this year.

“How do you know, exactly?” Ginny asked her older brother mockingly.

Fred just laughed and replied, “‘Cause we’re brilliant, that’s why.”

You actually snorted due to laughter. “Way to be modest, Fred,” you replied teasingly as he glanced admiringly at you across the table, shuffling the cards in his hands yet again.

“We are!” He tried to justify his last statement. It didn’t work—Ginny scoffed at him. Softer, he said, “Well—you are,”

You couldn’t tell if he was joking or not, because his smirk spoke nothing but sarcasm—but when his eyes finally met yours, all you saw was softness.

“Thanks,” you replied brightly as he grinned at you. Your heart began to thump a bit harder in your chest—could he hear it? Could George? You caught Ginny’s eye and she grinned cheekily at you, turned back toward Harry, and went rosy-cheeked.

Fred bit down on his bottom lip and opened his mouth to speak, when a card exploded and made you both jump. “Oi, take it easy on me, would you? You’ve already won every bloody round!”

You began shuffling the cards as George stifled a laugh at his brother. “It’s in the cards, Freddie.” When you glanced back up at him to see him smiling sweetly at you, it seemed as though he didn’t really mind that you’d been winning.

When everyone became rather tired and shuffled off to bed for the evening, you stood outside Ginny’s room on the first floor, joking back and forth with Fred and George who were on the other end of the hallway near the steps before heading up to their own room.

“Got big plans this year.” Fred told you brightly.

“More inventions, then?”

“Loads,” George replied, placing his hands in his pockets, “care to test them out with us?”

You eyed the two of them suspiciously, as they laughed and glanced at one another before turning back towards you. “Only if you know they’re safe—‘m not risking burning my eyebrows off, or increasing the size of my tongue, only to have it stuck that way.”

“Deal,” they said together. Then George continued, “I’m knackered—see you both in the morning.”

As his twin shuffled up the staircase, Fred turned back towards you, his heart rate beginning to increase yet again. You began picking at your nails. He lowered his voice a bit, “We’ve got bigger plans than just inventions, actually.” He’d been wanting to spill his guts to you for ages. Maybe this time, he’d be able too.

He had you now. You raised your eyebrows at him and asked, “Really? Like what?”

“Not here,” he replied quietly, looking around to make sure nobody could hear him, “it’s kind of a secret—a big one, actually.. reckon we’ll have to sneak somewhere alone so I can tell you—”

Just then, Mrs. Weasley appeared next to you both carrying a load of laundry, making both of you jump, and smiled sweetly at her son. She’d clearly heard bits and pieces of the conversation, because she pointed at him and said sternly, “Freddie—there’ll be no sneaking anywhere,”

He went rosy and rolled his eyes when he looked at you. “Oi, mum—”

“Besides, you don’t have to pretend around us lot,” Mrs. Weasley began, placing a hand to her son’s cheek, “it’s alright if you want to cuddle or hold hands or kiss in front of us—just no sneaking off.”

Confused beyond belief, both yours and Fred’s eyes widened in horror and you both began to sputter nervously at Mrs. Weasley. You felt as though your heart had leapt into your throat. Fred’s mind was racing, nervous that his feelings were now obvious to his entire family—and to you. Because the truth was, that Fred Weasley absolutely adored you.. and you hadn’t the foggiest idea of it.

“Wait, what?”

Molly then swatted Fred playfully with a pair of socks. “And why didn’t you tell us that you and Y/N are dating, Freddie? I had to hear it from my youngest—”

You and Fred both peered into Ginny’s room, shooting her a look, when she and Hermione both began to giggle quietly and Ginny turned away and pretended to be occupied with her Quidditch gear and trunk.

“Mrs. Weasley, Fred and I aren’t dating—”

“We just get on really well, mum, I dunno where Ginny got this idea from,”

Mrs. Weasley went as red as a tomato and began blinking quickly. It was probably the quickest you’d ever heard her speak. Everyone seemed to be flabbergasted now. “Oh, dear, I’m so very sorry—I thought—we thought—you two’ve always just been so friendly, and—Ginevra!” Molly ran into Ginny’s room and you heard a dull thump, and emerged looking rather embarrassed indeed. “I—well—I do deeply apologize,”

You laughed and placed a hand on her shoulder. “It’s no worry, Mrs. Weasley. Have a good night.”

She kissed your cheek, picked up her laundry basket, and headed up the stairs, leaving a mortified Fred Weasley and you alone, awkward and nervous.

“Well, erm—best be getting some sleep, shouldn’t we?”

“Yeah, we should,” Fred replied, clearing his throat and laughing. He tried, again, to sound casual, but instead just sounded very, very flustered. “Ginny’s out of her mind—see you in the morning, Y/N.”

“G’night, Fred,”

He turned on his heel and headed up the stairs to his bedroom, wanting nothing more than to turn around and wrap himself around you, sneaking off into the dead of night to tell you how he felt, how he’s always felt, for as long as he could remember.

Little did he know that you were getting under the covers in Ginny’s room, wanting to do the exact same thing.

Morning came a little too quickly—the sun was shining brightly through the open crack in Ginny’s windows. Breakfast was exceptionally uncomfortable, as Ron and Hermione continued to argue about upcoming lessons, Ginny did her absolute best to try and not glance longingly at Harry every few minutes, and you and Fred pretended that everything that had happened the night before, didn’t. George sat back in his chair, watching all of this unfold, grinning giddily to himself.

You were out in the garden with Ginny, testing out moves for the upcoming Quidditch tryouts on her broom, not dare speaking of last night, when Mrs. Weasley came sauntering out of the kitchen.

“Ginevra, dear, I need you to help with lunch,” she said brightly.

Annoyed, Ginny replied, “But I’m talking with Y/N!”

Mrs. Weasley folded her arms across her chest, and Ginny rolled her eyes and begrudgingly made her way into the kitchen, feeling poorly. To you, Mrs. Weasley said, “Dear.. I want to apologize again for last evening.”

Oh no, you thought. Why did she keep bringing this up? It was making it more difficult for you to suppress. “Really, Mrs. Weasley, it’s okay—”

“Not sure what got into Ginny, telling me you two were together,” Mrs. Weasley shook her head in annoyance. Clearly she was not quite finished discussing it with you yet. You figured you’d just let it happen, at this point. “Silly girl. Supposed she thought she’d have a laugh. I’m just so very embarrassed.. but it did always seem as though you two were closer than the others?”

“We just get on very well, is all,”

“Hmm,” Mrs. Weasley replied, smiling cheekily at you now. Her too? “Well, in any case, I do hope I haven’t embarrassed you—” when you shook your head no, she continued, “lunch should be ready soon.”

When she walked back into the kitchen, you heard a laugh from the second floor window. You peered upwards, the sun in your eyes, in through the window to see Fred and George setting off some type of miniature fireworks and yelling in delight—something Mrs. Weasley would, no doubt, put to rest as soon as she found out.

You felt a softness overtake you when you watched him smile.

Later in the day, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Ron, Harry, and Hermione headed into the village. The Burrow was empty except for you, Fred, George, and Ginny.

While Ginny was busy practicing her Quidditch skills with George out in the yard, you and Fred were busy on the couch, involved in yet another game of exploding snap.

“There’s no bloody way in hell I’m taking Potions this year.”

“Pleeease?” you begged, pulling on his shirt. “I need to take it and I really don’t fancy being alone in the Dungeons with Snape and all the Slytherins.”

Fred laughed, “There’s not enough gold in the world, woman.”

You rolled your eyes. “Thanks a lot,”

“What would I get in return?”

“Two extra hours a day with me?”

Fred thought about this for a moment, and softened. A smile tugged at the edges of his lips while he considered this—more time with you, what more could he want? “You may have talked me into it—”

“—‘m sorry about last night.”

You seemed to have caught him off guard, because his breathing became a bit heavier and his cheeks went rosy. “Y’don’t need to be sorry, it was just a joke, wasn’t it?”

You were just going to say it. “Was it?” you asked softly, putting down the cards in your hands.

Fred swallowed over a lump in his throat. He was pretty sure his heart was pounding out of his chest, now. Did he dare tell you how he felt? “No, it wasn’t.”

With a surge of confidence, you pushed aside the pillow on the couch, threw your arms around his neck and kissed him. You could feel his surprise at first, but then he sort of melted into it—your lips molded together and he swung his hands around your waist, squeezing tightly. As far as first kisses go, it wasn’t exactly what you expected—it was kind of clumsy and was interrupted when the both of you began to laugh in the middle of it.

You slapped him playfully across the chest. “Why are you laughing, you prat?”

He took your hands in his and squeezed them, “‘Cause, I just—why’d we wait so bloody long to do that?” He felt like he had re-entered his body with that kiss, something he’d been waiting years to do.

“Too busy teasing you,” you joked.

“Ha ha,” he replied mockingly.

You shook your head and said suddenly, “Can’t believe they were right.”

Fred placed a hand behind your neck. “‘m glad they were.”

You did your best to hold back a large smile as he pulled you into him again for another kiss—this time, a lot slower and not as clumsy. In fact, you pulled him to his feet, forgetting all about the game of exploding snap, and tugged him towards the stairs to head up to his room. You glanced at the clock—you still had about an hour or so before the other lot said they’d be back. “Still want to sneak off with me—even if we get caught?”

Fred smiled and said, “Reckon it’ll be worth it.”

“Your mum’s going to murder us.”

“What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

reblogs & feedback are always appreciated, thank you for reading :’)

[wooyukh]

⤳ Lovers’ Quarrel

⥓ summary: Bottled up feelings come to light and the rest of the boys are there to witness it. 

OR

The one where Yeonjun’s actions causes an argument to break out between the two of you

⥓ requested: yes

⥓ genre: angst

⥓ word count: 1k

⥓ pairing: yeonjun x reader

note: Dear anon who requested this, I hope you like it bubs. I rewrote this so many times. I sincerely apologize for the delay, I was just way too scared to post it. I also wanna give a special thank you to urri for helping me fix it up a bit and for giving me confidence to post it :(((. Thank you urri, I love you ♡

You’ve noticed it, everyone has. It was really evident. You weren’t blind nor were you stupid. You saw how different he would act when the boys were around. You saw how his mood automatically changed. You saw it all, but you just refused to acknowledge it.

You remember the time where you were once cuddling on the couch. How he was whispering sweet nothings in your ear, while you were giggling along and hiding your face in his chest. It truly was picture perfect. You were in his arms and he was in yours. The moment was gone in a blink of an eye though. As soon as footsteps were heard, he was quickly pulling away and telling you to get up and move.

You didn't understand it. The boys knew you were dating so why was Yeonjun acting like this? You decided to ignore it. You convinced yourself this wasn’t something to worry about.

The next time this happened was during movie night. You were all sitting in the living room area discussing on what movie to watch. Everyone then came to a mutual agreement to watch a horror film; you on the other hand weren’t so thrilled about this. You hated scary movies; the boys knew this. So, when you heard them all agree on a horror film, you couldn’t stop yourself from sending a playful glare their way.

As the movie kept on rolling, you naturally began to cling on to your boyfriend’s arm for reassurance. That’s when you heard him whisper a quick ‘stop.’ You weren't sure if he was talking to you, so you decided to brush it off. That’s when you soon felt your hands being pulled away from his arm. In response to this, you looked up at him pouting, trying to get ahold of his arm again. However, you shortly stopped your actions as you heard him mumble “stop being so clingy.”

Now here you were at the dorms. You decided to show up unannounced in attempt to surprise everyone. You thought it was a cute gesture, but you were immediately proven wrong. While everyone seemed so delighted to have you there; your boyfriend wasn’t.

“What are you doing here y/n?” Yeonjun loudly said once you were done greeting the boys.

“Oh, uh I wanted to see you guys” You responded while twiddling your fingers and getting closer to him. “Plus, I missed you baby” You sighed as you began trying to wrap your arms around his neck.

“You shouldn't have come. You shouldn’t show up to places unannounced. It’s rude y/n” Yeonjun said while giving you an icy glare.

Kai quickly shook his head at this. “Hey, no. Don’t listen to him y/n. You’re welcomed here any time” he said as the rest of the boys swiftly nodded their heads, agreeing with Kai.

Now it was Yeonjun’s turn to sigh. “You always do this y/n. It’s quite annoying” Yeonjun added with a roll of eyes.

“W-what do you mean annoying?” You quickly questioned and began removing yourself from him.

“Yeonjun stop” Soobin warningly says as he extends his arms towards Yeonjun to try and calm him down.

“You show up to places uninvited. It’s as if you want to be the center of attention” Yeonjun said, ignoring Soobin. With a slightly raised voice, he continued, “You only care about yourself and what you want. You’re selfish y/n!”

“That’s not true Yeonjun! Where is this even coming from?” You yelled back, voice cracking as your vision began turning blurry.

“Yes, it is! Everything always has to be about you! That's not even the worse part. You’re so clingy! God please don't get me started on your clinginess” Yeonjun fired back.

“My clinginess?” You laughed sarcastically. “Oh please, you don't even let me get near you whenever the boys are around. You literally act like a child!” You yelled and rested your hands on your hips.

“Why am I even dating you?” He questioned out of the blue as his hand went up to push hair away from his face.

You suddenly couldn't take it anymore. The tears automatically began falling and they didn’t seem to want to stop. You physically felt your heart sink to the pit of your stomach as you heard those words leave his mouth. You refused to believe he said that. He would never hurt you. The room fell silent for a moment, all that could be heard were your sniffles.

“Yeonjun, that’s enough” Beomgyu was the first to speak after the long pause. He then stepped forward and gently pulled you in for a hug as he quietly asked if you were okay. This only caused your cries to get louder.

“I-I didn’t mean it baby” was all Yeonjun could manage to say.

He honestly didn’t mean those words. Everything seemed to happen so fast. He didn’t mean half of the words he said but it was already too late for him to retrieve them. Here you were crying in another man’s arms and it was all because of him. Without thinking twice, he gently grabs your wrist in attempt to pull you away from Beomgyu and have you in his arms instead.

The rest of the boys were left in shock. They didn’t know what to do so they decided to just pretend they weren’t there.

“Can you guys leave us alone for a sec” Yeonjun quietly spoke, one hand still holding your wrist.

Taehyun was the first to nod and began heading out, urging the rest to do the same. Beomgyu stayed firm though; he refused to move until you reassure him it’s okay. You slowly then nod at Beomgyu, sending him a small smile to try and convince him you were fine. Hesitating, Beomgyu left and followed the boys out.

With them now gone, the air in the room felt heavier. You were now standing awkwardly in front of Yeonjun. Everything felt so slow and dragged. Without hesitating, Yeonjun stepped forward, wrapping you in his arms and mumbling apologizes in your hair. Funny isn't? Yeonjun is the one who hurt you, yet you feel so safe in his arms.

[loserholland]

𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞

𝟎𝟎𝟏 ➺ 𝐎𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞

Pairing ➺ Peter Parker x Reader

Warning ➺ angst, angst, angst, tiny spoilers from far from home

Word Count ➺ 1,833

Summary ➺  She always thought he felt the same way, yet I guess she was wrong.

A/N ➺  I cried at least three times while writing this, idk if yall would cry too but yeah I did lol. Also thank you for 1.9k lovely loserbabes, love you all so much! 

Hello this is Renity again so if you’re just coming across this post, I decided to turn it into a mini series, so when you’re done reading this part two will be out! (July 11, 2019)

It’s Renity again, so I just realized that I skipped a verse and chorus so I rewrote it and included the missing verse and chorus. (July 14, 2019)

✿ 𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓣𝓪𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 ✿ - @loveyathreethousand@taronxfiction @killerqueen-gunpowdergelatine @spideyyypeter @lou-la-lou@babebenhardy @rivervixenbaby @acklesholland @zabdisamor@keepingupwiththehollands @sweet666pea @sspider-parker @jackiehollanderr  @caro0512 @thewinchesterchronicles @cporter003 @kisses-holland @spideysnugget

@iloveyou3000morgan @random-things-i-love

@yulisaangelica

@oyoke

@buckyloveshisplums

@spideysimpossiblegirl

@exquisitebtsSong

☞  Masterlist  ☜

-

I won't tell you I'm lonely 'Cause it might be selfish

A trip to Europe would be fun they said. 

After everything that happened that was much needed. 

Though, (Y/N) couldn’t make the Europe trip. She had so many fun plans for her and Peter. To ride on the gondola, to touring the Eiffel tower where she would confess her love for Peter. Sadly that wasn’t going to happen.

The last time (Y/N) had seen Peter was before he had asked Ned to cause a distraction. She wanted to tell him right then and there that she liked him, but told herself that he’d come back for her to tell him. But the blip happened, yes the blip is what they’ve been calling it. During those five years, those who did blip didn’t change one bit. But those who didn’t blip aged over the past five years. 

Before the blip happened she was on the phone and leaving Peter a voicemail because he hadn’t called her back. Which left her to worry, leaving voicemail after voicemail. 

All she wanted to do the moment she got word that Peter was back was to run into his arms and confess her feelings for him. But she didn’t want to make it all about her, though Peter was back he had just lost Tony. She didn’t want to make it all about her, she wanted to give him time and space to grieve. 

I won't ask you to hold me 'Cause that won't mend what's helpless

“Hey Pete, are you free tonight?” (Y/N) held her books close to her chest as she leaned against the lockers looking up at Peter with hope in her eyes, hopes that he’d say yes.

She watched as he filled his backpack with his books before closing his locker, “Sorry I-uh have this thing with May tonight.” she felt her heart drop this was the second time he had use this excuse. 

“Oh! T-that’s alright, um are you free tomorrow?” all she wanted to do was spend time with Peter nothing more. 

“I’m renewing my passport tomorrow.” 

“Oh, okay. I’ll call you tonight.” Peter pressed his lips into a thin line nodding before he began to walk away, her heart clenched lightly before she said “I love you!”

Peter didn’t take a chance to look back all, he just shouted “You too.” 

There's not a thing I could say Not a song I could sing For your mind to change

(Y/N) noticed the little changes in their friendship but brushed it off and told herself it’s just because of everything that happened. The day he left to Europe she had gone with May to drop off Peter and Ned.

“Have fun boys, but not too much fun!” May said playfully causing Ned to laugh lightly. 

(Y/N) walked over to Peter, giving him a warm smile “I’ll miss you, text me once you land and get settled in.” 

“Ned and I should get going.” Peter picked up his luggage calling Ned so they could head through TSA, Ned bid May a quick goodbye.

She gave Peter one last hug before whispering, “I love you.”

“You too.” 

It was during that moment, she felt her heart break. That was the moment that confirmed there was something wrong in their friendship.

Nothing can fill up the space Won't ask you to stay But let me ask you one thing

After watching Flash’s many livestreams, it seemed that they had a slight detour to their trip. From Venice they had gone to Prague where they were currently headed to watch an Opera. Peter had been avoiding your calls and messages, there was a bit of guilt in her. She felt as if she was being too clingy, constantly texting him and trying to call him. 

“Hey Ned, do you um know where Peter is?” (Y/N) began to pace around her room awaiting for Ned’s answer, she just wanted to know if he was okay and safe. That was all.

“H-he uh, went out on a walk with Mj. I think he was going to her he likes her. ” she stopped in her place. Currently her heart and mind was at war, her heart was slowly breaking at what not only from what Ned had just said.

Her mind told her to just wait on him, wait for him to call you back maybe he just doesn’t have enough data or his phone battery died, and now he’s just asleep after the long day.

“(Y/N)?” 

“T-thank’s Ned. I should let you go to bed.”

“Do you want me to let Peter know you called?”

“No, it’s fine.” 

Oh, when did you fall out of love? Out of love Oh, when did you fall out of love with me?

May had offered (Y/N) a ride to the airport to pick Peter up but she had lied and said she was busy and would just see him tonight. It’s been a long two weeks without hearing one word from Peter, she couldn’t shake the image out of her head of Peter and Mj together. She didn’t want to question Ned about it more before he would start to question her. 

I can't float in an ocean That's already been drained

(Y/N) texted Peter later that night, 911 meet on the rooftop. So there she sat unsure if he’d show up or not, unsure if he even got her message. Slowly her thoughts began to consume her, her gaze focused on the night sky of Queen’s.

She was so deep in thought she didn’t notice Peter, well Spider-man had landed on her rooftop. He removed his mask and slowly walked over to where she was sitting.

“Hey.”

I won't cry at your feet now I know my tears will fall in vain 

(Y/N) blinked a few times, he came. He’s now standing right in front of her, with a new suit on. But he came.

“Nice suit.” Peter smiled lightly taking the empty seat next to her, “Thank’s designed it myself.” This was the first time she heard his voice again, after all the missed calls and messages he missed from her. 

“I-I tried calling you and texted you multiple times.” she spoke softly moving her gaze to her lap as she began to fiddle with her fingers avoiding as much eye contact as possible.

There's not a thing I could say Not a song I could sing For your mind to change

“Sorry, my phone just had a limited amount of data.” Peter somewhat apologized, she wanted to ask him the question that was wandering her mind for the last week. 

Nothing can fill up the space Won't ask you to stay But let me ask you one thing

(Y/N) could see it in his eyes, he didn’t want to be here. She knew he had much better things to do, it hurt to see how much their friendship had changed. How something so little affected her, but didn’t effect him. How she should’ve took the change and told him how she felt. 

She should’ve told him, the day he had gone to check out what that floating circle thing was, she should’ve told him the moment she grabbed his wrist and told him good luck. Instead, she should’ve said, “I like you, more than a friend.” yet she didn’t.

Now this was the outcome.

Oh, when did you fall out of love? Out of love Oh, when did you fall out of love with me?

Now she was too late, he didn’t feel the same way. Peter had feelings for Mj, she couldn’t blame him. Mj was prettier and smarter, and why and how could she hold him back from having feelings for her? 

Best friends don’t do that. 

They support one another, even if the outcome may be good or bad, (Y/N) shouldn’t hold him back from being happy. Even if that mean’s she’d sacrifice her happiness.

No use wondering While your change in heart has wandered

For the past week she had lost sleep from overthinking, having the same question wander her mind. She wanted to ask, if he was ever going to tell her about his feelings for Mj.

So I ask you this question 'Cause it might help me sleep longer

“Were you ever going to tell me about your feelings for Mj?”

Peter sat there for a second staring blankly at the side of her face unsure if she had just asked what he thought he heard. 

(Y/N) blinked a few tears away trying her best to lift her head up and turn to look up at Peter, “I thought best friends tell each other everything?” all she wanted was answers. She needed to stop loving him, if he didn’t feel the same way for her why should she continue to love him? 

It would just be one-sided love.

“Please Peter, I had called Ned the night you were in Prague. He said you and Mj went out for a walk.” 

Peter took a few moments to gather up what he wanted to say, he didn’t want to break her heart even more that it already was. 

Oh, when did you fall out of love? Out of love

“Yes, I have feelings for Mj.”

And there it was, there was the truth. 

Oh, when did you run out of love for me? Out of love (Out of love) Out of love (Out of love) Out of love with me

“I’m so stupid. I don’t really know why I’m still hoping.”

Peter’s brows pinched in confusion, “What do you mean?”

(Y/N) shook her head lightly allowing the fresh tears to stain her cheeks, “I’ve loved you for so long Peter. I was there for you when I had to patch you up after you risked your life, I was there to cover up for you during spanish and chemistry. I don’t know why I’m still holding on to ever last bit of hope that one day you’ll feel the same way. What does Mj have that I don’t?”

Peter didn’t say one word, he just held his head down and fixed his gaze to his lap.

(Y/N) closed her eyes for a moment collecting herself. She wanted to scream at him, but she knew it would hurt her if she did. She didn’t want to cause him pain that she was already feeling. 

She got up from her seat and made her way towards the fire escape, before she headed down she looked back to where Peter was sitting.

“I absolutely hate the fact that no one else has the ability to break me or to make me feel happy like you do. You are the only person who can ruin my day and you are the only person who can fix it.”

Peter sat there for a moment, his head hung low as he allowed the tears he was holding in to stain his cheeks. He just lost his best friend.

[twinklecheeks]

Friends With Benefits (Jeff Wittek Imagine) Part 5

Summary: Jeff and Y/N have been hooking up for a while. The whole vlog squad assumes they’re dating and Y/N does too but Jeff doesn’t like labels. He eventually starts to express interest in Natalie.

Note: Planning on making this a multiple part series, depending on how good it does.  You’re 21 & Latina in this (maybe) series. Also, I’d like to apologize for the typos, if there is any. I’m just illiterate lmao.  

Warnings! pregnancy.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Word Count: 1.7k

David’s house:

You walk into the house and everyone is already making bets on what are the genders. Zane,  Heath and Todd bet both boys, Matt & Corinna bet a boy and a girl, Mariah/Carly/Erin bet both girls. Y/n: “Hey Natalie, can I talk to you in the car outside?” Natalie: “Sure. How are you feeling? I feel like we haven’t talked in months.” Y/n: “I’m doing great but I have to talk to you about something important.” Natalie: “Like what?” Y/n: “All the girls know who the father of my twins are and I don’t want you to freak out…” Natalie: “Why would I freak out?” Y/n: “Because Jeff is the father...” Natalie: “Wait, Jeff cheated on me?” Y/n: “NO NO NO. We kind of had this friends with benefits for months before you dated. He ended it with me before he asked you out. He was the only person I’ve been with during those months so I know it’s his.” Natalie: “Does he know?” Y/n: “No…” Natalie: “Why doesn’t he know?” Y/n: “Because he didn’t treat right. He was a player and I was under his charm. I was basically wrapped around his finger until I had enough.” Natalie: “I mean… I’m not surprised… Jeff looks like a player.” Y/n: “I just hope I don’t ruin your relationship. I told him during our last fight that I hope he treats you better than he treated me. If he wants to be in their life, that’s fine but if he doesn’t, I’ll ask him to sign his rights away once they’re born.” Natalie: “Thanks for telling me… Are you going to tell him?” Y/n: “Yeah but I wanted to tell you first incase he blows things out of proportion.” Natalie: “Understandable. I’ll go get Jeff.” She gets out of the car and goes into the house to tell him to go talk to you in the car. You see him walk out and you panic a bit. 

Jeff: “ummmm hey?” Y/n: “Hi.” Jeff: “Nat said you needed to tell me something.” Y/n: “Okay but you can’t blame me for not telling you sooner. You have been such an asshole to me.” Jeff: “Telling me what sooner?” Y/n: “These babies are yours…” Jeff looked like he saw a ghost. He went pale like he was gonna pass out. Jeff: “Excuse me??!? How the fuck you know those babies are mine?” Y/n: “Pretty simple. You were the only guy I slept with since New Years until you dumped me for Natalie.” Jeff: “I don’t believe you. I want a paternity test once they’re born. Until then, I don’t want anything to do with you.” Y/n: “what the fuck do you honestly believe I just slept around? Wanna know something dick head?? You were the only person I wanted to sleep with because I was fucking in love with you but you treated me like shit and I let you do it for too fucking long. I was blind with something that was never going to happen. But I finally realized what I deserved.” Jeff: “Oh boo hoo I don’t want to hear you sob story and you better keep your fucking mouth shut about this.” Y/n: “Oh honey, you are way too late for that. The girls and David know and I just can’t wait to tell the rest of the guys.” Y/n runs out of the car so fast and locks Jeff in her car. Jeff: “WHAT THE FUCK YOU CRAZY BITCH.” You quickly run inside and lock David’s front door but Jeff get’s in through the back door. Y/n: “hey to the guys who don’t know who my deadbeat baby daddy is, it’s Jeff. Jeff runs in right as you finished that sentence. He basically doesn’t want anything to do with me or the kids he helped conceive until he knows for sure.” Jeff: “YOU SHIT THIS IS WHY I DIDNT WANT TO FUCKING BE WITH YOU. YOU ALWAYS FUCKING THINK YOU’RE THE RIGHT. YOU DON’T EBER FUCKING LISTEN WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU SHIT. YOU ARE EXACTLY LIKE CIERRA TRYING TO ACT LIKE YOU’RE BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE. WELL GUESS WHAT SWEETHEART, YOU’RE A NOBODY.. Y/n: “honey the difference between me and Cierra is that she cheated on you and dumped your ass cause she realized how much of a low life you are. You are such a piece of shit. I wish these babies weren’t yours cause I hope they don’t fucking turn out like drug dealers and go to prison. I don’t need you. Sign your rights away once they’re born because I’m fucking done with you saying lies about me.” Y/n turns around to Natalie. Y/n: “Natalie. Good fucking luck.” Jeff was livid. He hated when someone brought up his past mistakes so when you mentioned that you hope the twins don’t turn out like him, it stung. Jeff: “I’ll gladly sign my rights away cause It’d be hell dealing with you and those things for the next 18 years.” Y/n: “don’t fucking call my children that.”

The whole vlog squad were stunned with how Jeff was treating you. Natalie: “Jeff…. WE’RE DONE.” Jeff: “babe plea-“ Natalie: “Save the apologies. It’s too late. You think I’d pick you over her. Girl code bitch.” Todd: “dude, just leave.” Everybody is just so disappointed in Jeff. They thought he was a nice guy but he never showed that side of him. Natalie: “y/n I’m so sorry. If I knew I would’ve never gone out with him.” Y/n: “it’s fine. He seems like Prince Charming at first and then becomes a snake.” Heath: “baby, just know all of us are here for you. It takes a village to raise a baby.” Zane: “she’s gonna need 2 villages.”

1 day later (the night before the gender reveal)

(Y/n is spending the night at Kylie’s house since the reveal party is gonna be at her place)

Y/n: “I told Jeff he’s the father.” Stass: “NO FUCKING WAY.” Kylie: “HOW DID HE REACT.” Y/n: “It was bad… I explained everything and he completely flipped out. So I said if he doesn’t want anythng to do with me or these babies, sign his rights away so I can have full custody.” Stass: “Did you tell Natalie?” Y/n: “Actually, I did. Natalie and I have known each other for longer than we’ve both known Jeff. I knew she wouldn’t get mad at me. And I made sure to tell her that I wasn’t trying to get in between her and Jeff. That ship sailed months ago but she saw all the horrible stuff he was saying and dumped him.” Kylie: “Damn I would’ve loved to be there for that. I Would’ve ripped him a new one.” Stass: “We should get to bed. We have a big day tomorrow! What do you think it’s gonna be? I hear there’s a bet going around.” Y/n: “It’s a tie between twin boys vs twin girls.” Kylie: “Let’s just wait and see what the colors are tomorrow.”

Gender reveal party

Y/n is officially 4 months pregnant and it’s reveal day!

Kylie: “Wake up sleepy head. I know you’re tired with carrying 2 babies but we gotta get you glammed up. Y/n: “Ughhhhh why can’t I just be lazy and stay in bed.” Stass: “Cause you’re finding out what you’re having.” Y/n: “You can just tell me right now :)” Kylie: “ABSOLUTELY not. Kylie’s team then comes in and spends 2 hours doing your hair, make-up and picking out your outfit. You had to choose between a pink and blue maternity dress. You picked the pink dress and have your nails painted matte baby blue (Pictured below how you look)

Once you’re ready, you head downstairs and a bunch of your friends are there. You were glad to see your family, including your dad. He still wasn’t talking to you but he was there. Everybody was having a good time eating, playing the classic shower games like guessing what chocolate is in the “poopy” diaper and other stuff like that. Kylie: “Okay guys! Gather around so we can find out the genders of the twins. Final voting. How many people think they’re boys?” About half think boys, and the other half is equal between boy & girl twin and just girl twins. Kylie: “So y/n is going to be revealing baby A and you guys are going to be revealing baby B.” Kylie gives you the powder cannon. Kylie: “Are you ready?” Y/n: “AHHHH I NO IM NOT BUT I AM.” Everybody: “3! 2! 1!”

Y/n: “IT’S A GIRL!!!! AHHHHH.” Everybody is screaming. Stass: “To the people who bet, y’all better be praying that you’re right.” Kylie and Stass hand powder cannon to everybody at the party and the countdown begins again. 3.. 2… 1!!!

IT’S ANOTHER GIRL!!!!!! At this point, you’re just sobbing. You’re having 2 girls. The only thing you care about in the moment are your baby girls. Zane: “Man we lost the bet. I thought it was gonna be boys.” Mariah, Carly & Erin: “Ayyyye we won!!! Now give us our money.”

A couple of hours later

David: “So I guess you’re not naming one David Jr.” Y/n: “You thought I would?” David: “HEY! You promised for 250k...” Y/n: “I was never going to accept that. A joke is a joke.” David: “How you feeling knowing you’re having 2 girls?” Y/n: “I think it’s pretty ironic. Jeff treats women like shit and look what happened. I’m having girls. But I don’t mind. Baby girl clothes are way cuter than boy clothes.” David: “I just wanted to let you know that I’m in it for the long run.” Y/n: “Huh?” David: “Y/n, I have had a crush on you since before I met Liza. I was crushed when she dumped me and you were always there. You were the only one who was always there for me through thick and thin. I know this is bad timing telling you this but it’s because I was too much of a scared little bitch to tell you. I will be there every single step of the way. I’ll go to your appointments with you if you want me to and be there helping you through labor if you want me to.” Y/n: “I’d love it if you were there for me all the way.”

--------------------------

Yoooo I AM SO SORRY I SAID I WAS GONNA POST EARLY. I had the chapter mostly done but it felt very boring so I basically rewrote most of the chapter. I might take longer than usual for the next chapter cause I have no Idea what to write next... Also, sorry if this chapter sucked.

Comment if you want to be on the taglist!

Taglist: @elvlogsquad @siemprestan @zavidzobrik @galxydefender @iminlovewithenchilidadas @ilsolee

[alwayschoosechocolate]

One-night stands and one-shot chances (Part iv)

University AU

Pairing: Jin x reader

Who says sex has to mean anything? Who says you can’t just screw around without all the heartache? Who says only guys get this privilege? What happens when the biggest playboy on campus suddenly meets his match and gets a taste of his own medicine?

Genre: casual sex, mentions of sex, bestfriend!Hoseok, onenightstand!Jin

Wordcount: 2000

Masterpost with the other parts of the story can be found here (x)

Tag list: @esplosionedicoloriintesta @jeonjunggoodgod @rjsmochii @spookidema @pariz-lover @mymochimchimmy @friedclamtoadbanana @cloudyelizabeth @livesmileandstaystrong

A/N: Tumblr has been fucking with me and deleted parts of this update so many times.. I lost count of how many times I rewrote it, and I feel like parts of it never really got back again. I'm only on my phone these days, so I have no idea, how long it is either, but I feel like it's rather short unfortunately - sorry! I'll make up for it in the next update!

The whispers heard from two rows behind you were only getting louder, and it had reached a point that made even Jimin send them a sour look.

Your focus, however, was solely on the professor in front of the board and the notes you were scribbling down. Rumors and bitchy comments were nothing new to you. Being part of the royalty on campus, as Hoseok and his mates were called because of the small spire on the house, came with a lot of attention, and being Hoseoks best friend had made you an honorary member as well.

"I swear to God, if they make any more comments about your hair, I will pull theirs out," Jimin mumbled under his breath, making you raise an eyebrow at him.

"Jimin, just leave it. If the best they've got is comments about my hair" - you shrugged your shoulders - "let them have their fun."

"Can't you please just talk back one time? I don't want them to think they can treat our friends like this."

Jimin was fidgeting in his seat and his voice had reached a whiny tone, but the reason for his demeanor was anything but cute. He wanted to fight back. He hated people for not respecting his friends, and he knew Hoseok wouldn't have hesitated to clap back at the girls. However, you hated people fighting your battles, and even though Hoseok did it all the time, it always resulted in arguments between the two of you. The rest of the guys had learned not to challenge you on this.

"Not yet, Jimin," you hummed, eyes still on the papers in front of you. Mumbling under his breath, he leaned back in his seat with crossed arms, settling for absorbing their voices, so he would know, which girls to add to his non-shag list. No way, he was sleeping with them, when they treated his friend like that, he thought with a huff.

"I don't get why she doesn't have any self-respect. She must really have some issues," one of them whispered a bit too loudly, definitely wanting you to hear her. "I mean, can't she see that she is ruining her life?"

"That's rich," you snorted loudly, finally turning around in your seat and putting a hand on Jimins shoulder in the process, keeping him from jumping at the girl. "Coming from you." You locked eyes with the girl in charge of most of the comments and sent her a sinister smile. "When is your due date again?”

Hearing Jimin snicker at your comment fueled you on further and the missing response from the girl only added to it.

"Your daughter must really be looking forward to getting a younger sister," you cooed in feigned interest. "I just feel bad, they don't get to have that idyllic family life you always talked about. But then again, family is what you make it, with the people you chose to have in it, right? Who am I to tell you, how to live your life?"

Sending her one last icy look, you turned back to the board, still hearing the girls whispering, but for a completely different reason this time. Everyone knew her on campus. She had made it her mission to spread the word of God on campus, which involved celibacy, no alcohol and for some reason also no sea food. Funny thing is, she didn’t see the double moral in herself being pregnant with a second child from a different guy. Instead, she had made it her life mission to preach about how sex ruins both body and mind, ruining you for the future. And Y/N was her favorite target.

-

"You're alright?", Jimin asked, as they walked to the café for their free period. It was drizzling a bit, covering the campus in a grey curtain, leaving you and Jimin alone, as everyone scrambled to get out of the rain.

"Of course. It's nothing new."

Throwing an arm around Jimins waist, leaning on him, as he wrapped an arm around your shoulder. You walked a bit in silence.

"Come on, I'll buy you a coffee," he smiled, pulling you into the warm café.

You bought your drinks and Jimin even bought you a muffin as well, and you found a table in the back, where you could lay out your books on the table to talk about some assignment, you had to hand in next week.

"Btw," Jimin interrupted you in the middle of a sentence. "Did you hear anything back about the job yet?"

"No, not yet," you mused, with a small smile. "But I'm sure they just have a lot of applicants to get through."

As true as that might be, it had also been two weeks since they were supposed to get back to you. Knowing that you weren't going home between semesters, you had always opted for working or doing internships, and this year one of the professors on campus was working on a big project and needed help. Not only was it a great way of earning some money and experience, the professors field of study was exactly what you wanted to go into yourself. It couldn’t be more perfect actually!

That is, if you got it.

You hadn't told anyone about it - not even Hoseok. A thought, that still made you a bit uncomfortable, since you normally shared everything. Jimin only knew, because your application had gotten mixed up with some notes, you shared with him.

"I'm sure, you'll get it," Jimin offered with a sweet smile and a warm hand on your arm. "They would be stupid not to take you in."

"I don't know," you smiled at him. "You've been getting better grades than me lately. Maybe you should apply, Jiminie?"

He snorted out a laugh, falling on to the table while he giggled.

"Yeah, right. Me, in a lab coat all summer? No, thank you."

Joining in his laughter, it took af few seconds for the both of you to calm down.

"Besides," he added, eyes turning sincere again. "The only reason, I get good grades is because of your help."

You scoffed and rolled your eyes at him, trying to pull your arm away from his grasp, but he only tightened his grip, making you look up into his smiling eyes.

"It's true, Y/N." His voice had gotten lower, and you felt your breath hitch at the close proximity of his face. "I couldn’t have made it through this last semester without you."

Letting yourself be hypnotized by his sweet words and demeanor, you suddenly realized who you were sitting across from.

"Aish, Jimin," you exclaimed in annoyance with an awkward laugh, snapping out of the trance. "Stop flirting with me! I already promised, we would work together on the year end project."

"Right," Jimin smiled sheepishly, rubbing his neck. "The year end project."

You had already turned back to your books and started suggesting topics for the upcoming assignments, when you got interrupted.

“You know, I’m not normally into the whole drowned-rat-look,” a sly voice commented, making both you and Jimin look up to see Jin walking towards you with a cocky smile. “But you really make it work, cupcake.”

Rolling your eyes at both his presence and words, you kept your gaze trained on the books on the table.

“Normally, I’m not into cocky guys with a nice body,” you retorted in a flat voice without missing a beat. “And you are no exception.”

“Ah, you think, I have a good body, doll?”, Jin cooed, as he dragged an extra chair to the table, making himself comfortable.

“Yeah, it does a perfect job of covering up all that sexism and…” – pausing to send him a confused look, you cocked your head at him – “Oh, I’m sorry. What are your other traits again?”

Hearing Jimins laughter fill the air, you sent Jin a cold smile, getting an annoyed look back.

“Damn. That’s cold, baby.” Jins voice was strained, trying to keep the tone light, but you easily picked up on the shadow of hurt looming in his eyes.

“But not uncalled for,” you reminded him, gathering your stuff and saying goodbye to Jimin, before walking out into the rain again.

Asshole. Thinking he could just go back to joking around again, after calling you a whore. Huffing a bit in anger, you walked towards the library to study there instead.

“Y/N!”

Groaning at the sound of his voice, you just kept walking.

“Hey. Wait up!”, Jin shouted, putting a hand on your shoulder, when he reached you.

Whipping around in annoyance, you saw him stumble half a step back in surprise at your sudden movement.

“What, Jin? What do you want?” Your voice was anything but welcoming, and if he had taken just two seconds to think about what he was about to do, he should have known better.

Oh well.

“I wanted to talk to a pretty lady, and you just happen to fit that bill,” he grinned at you, making you roll your eyes.

"Oh, lucky me! I get to be your designated whore of the day," you exclaimed in feigned excitement.

"What? No, that's..."

"Cut to the case, Seokjin. I'm not in the mood today." Crossing your arms in front over your chest, you sent him an impatient look.

"Well, erm." He coughed awkwardly, searching for the words. "I just wanted to apologize. You know, for calling you..."

"A whore," you stated, giving an evil smirk, when you saw him visibly tense at the sound of it.

"Yeah, that." He mustered every ounze of sincerity he could before continuing. "I'm sorry, I did that. It was uncalled for."

His eyes searched yours to see if you accepted the apology, but was hurriedly cast down by the sound of you clicking your tongue.

"Yeah, it was uncalled for. So why did you?" Curiousity taking over, you still wanted to know why, despite the anger.

Seokjin awkwardly shifted his weight from one foot to the other, trying to come up with an explanation. Dammit! He shouldn't feel this uncomfortable in front of you. Get it together, Jin!

He was at a loss, so he did what he knew always worked. Or used to work at least.

Straightning up a bit, he sent you a shameless grin.

"You're just so hot, doll! I don't like the idea of other men seeing that body," he winked at you, reaching for your hand.

The second, the words left his mouth, he knew he was screwed. And if his own intuition was enough, he was about to find out.

"Oh, I see!", you cooed at him, smiling sinisterly, when you saw his frightned expression at your tone. "You think, because I slept with you once, you own me."

Jin looked like he had just been pushed out of a cliff, and was now frantically searching for somewhere to hold on.

"What? No, that's not..."

His comicly widened eyes and pouting lips made him look almost too innocent.

Almost.

"Shh," you shushed, reaching up to cup his cheek. "Let me tell you something." Tightning you grasp on his jaw, you saw his eyes widen in surprise. "I am not someone for you to stick your dick in like a flagpole. You do not have, or will ever have, any claim on me. Got it?"

Your stern eyes bore into his startled ones. Despite the height difference, you had no problem displaying your position. It made Jin feel powerless, and he really didn't like being in that position. It made his blood boil, and his brain go into overdrive.

"I don't need to claim you," he spat out, venom suddenly present in his voice. "You've been with so many that you're basically public property by now."

Feeling his own blood run cold at his words, he pushed your hand off his face, looking at your shocked features defiantly.

"You should feel lucky that I even payed you any attention after getting my share," he stated with an annoyed huff, before turning around and basically speedwalking away from you, heart thumbing in his chest.

Oh, he was so screwed..

// Part v //

[mouneemoon]

last train home | ksj

genre: angst, hurt/comfort pairing: seokjin x reader word count: 1.6k summary: “you are my soulmate but we keep missing each other all the time.” reincarnation au.

read the rest of the star crossed series: seokjin | yoongi | hoseok | namjoon | jimin | taehyung | jungkook

n/a: reposting because I didn’t like some bits from before and rewrote some parts. This is that one sad soulmate AU series no one asked for because I love making myself suffer. also, this ended up less angsty than I wanted it to be but oh well lmfaoooo. tell me what you think!

You are always one step behind him.

The sight of his back turned to you has been engraved in your memories for as long as you can remember. The look that he throws you over his broad shoulders punches the breath out of your lungs every time, because it’s been long, so long, yet you can not quite grasp just how long it’s been since you last saw it. But there’s no doubt: you’ve seen it already.

You just don’t understand how it can be, since you’ve never met this stranger before.

“Oh— sorry,” he says. He’s bumped into you just few seconds ago, because someone passed in between him and the person standing in line in front of him, and he had to back a little to let them through. So he nearly knocked your phone out of your hands when he stepped back a little too quickly, and you were about to glare at him before he turned his head around and apologized.

And that’s when the feeling hit, making something stir deep in your guts and your heart pick up the pace. “It’s alright,” you reply quietly, staring right into his eyes, a little flustered and a little overwhelmed by the whirlwind of feelings rushing through your veins. He holds your gaze for a moment too long, and you see a sort of acknowledgement in his eyes, as if he too is searching something in the back of his mind. You take in the features in his face, the arch of his eyebrows, the shape of his eyes and his nose, and lips parted, jaw a little slacked. He looks so familiar for a second, as if lifetimes have washed over you thousands of times already, as if you need to do something before it’s late, too late once again. But late for what? You try to wrap your finger around it but not quite succeeding.

You feel kind of dumb for not being able to figure out what you are supposed to do.

The stranger still looks at you and you’re about to ask him if you have ever met before, like a bad pickup line from a romance book, when the cashier draws your attention because it’s his turn to order. And he steals another glance from you before turning around once more, and the lingering question on the tip of your tongue fades away along with the chance of meeting him again. You feel regret creeping from the depths of your memories as you watch him get his coffee, and you only have enough time to hear his name being called – Seokjin – a faint sound, before he walks past you and out of the café.

Then he’s gone, like dust and dead leaves blown away by the wind.

That night you lie in your bed, sheets drawn up to your chin and your mind wide awake. You try to figure out just how it was possible to feel heartache for someone you’ve never seen before in your life. It was frustrating and just damn sad, because you can’t remember, you can’t remember and you don’t even know what you are supposed to remember.

What surprises you the most is the fact that you feel like this throbbing pain is growing more familiar by the minute, as if you’ve grown accustomed to it over a long span of time, and you can only welcome it home like an old friend, promises of next times bouncing off the white walls of your apartment and echoing sadly in your skull. Next times. You find yourself wondering when the next “next time” will be. You promise yourself that “next time” you’ll be more careful. “Next time” you will remember to do something. “Next time”.

The old next times come to you in your dreams instead, faint flickers of memories from another age, another life, from someone who isn’t you but at the same time, it’s you. He’s there too, a fleeting presence appearing at some point in those strangers’ memories. You can see him on streets you’ve never walked before, beneath cherry blossoms and dying leaves falling, rose and golden paths crinkling beneath your feet; different seasons, the same feeling. Your gaze would always linger for a few seconds and find comfort in his somehow, but you can never hold it for too long, feeling regret slipping through your fingertips right after.

He’s never the same as you remember. But you know it’s him, the next times stuck at the corners of his lips, sad eyes softening as goodbyes fly past the both of you, with that knowing look he always throws over his shoulder as you fall a step behind him each time. He’s always within your arm’s reach, but for some reason you never reached him.

You miss the chance each time. He misses it too.

It really does sound like a sad love story.

Sometimes though, for your great relief, he’s more than just a ghost walking past you. Sometimes he would approach you, talk to you, stay with you longer. A lot longer. You would get to know each other, laugh with each other, hold hands even, kiss if fate decided to take pity on you both. Those times you promise forevers rather than next times, words whispered beneath starry skies and tucked in between warm sheets, his name falling languidly from your lips, eyes fluttering at the utter love that filled you both to the brink.

Sadly, those forevers never last for long enough. There always seems to be something that puts a stop to them, as if the time you had borrowed with him reached its end. It’s curious, though, how you always kind of expected it; that sort of contentment is always somehow broken like a spell you have to wake up from sooner or later.

And wake up you do, all the time, sorrow tugging insistently at the strings of your soul every morning. You’re left with something hanging heavy on your chest, thinking about everything you could have had but you can no longer obtain. It crushes your heart knowing that.

You think you are pretty much going crazy. There is no way, no way that you are pining so badly for someone you’ve met just once. What’s crazier is the fact that you actually want to meet him again, searching for that face and that name and that next time that seems to not want to give you another chance. You do it unconsciously, mindlessly, stealing glances from strangers hoping it’s Seokjin, hoping you can go to him, although that meant missing the last train home and being stuck at the station until the next morning; even then, you’d run to him.

There was one time, when the memories of yet another life flooded your mind once more – you already lost count of how many times it happened – and it was his back turned to you again, broad, gentle, familiar. The pitter-patter of the rain hitting the umbrella you held high for him engulfed the rest of the noises, including the sound of your heart racing in your chest. It felt like the world belonged to you two only.

“Do you trust me?” he asked, turning his head around over his shoulder, and you looked up at him, your eyes so full of him and him alone. Nothing else existed.

“I do,” you said quietly, a promise, a vow, and you saw his eyes soften and his smile grow wider. It made your breath hitch.

“Then let’s go,” he replied, and then he was dashing from under the dry of your umbrella to out in the rain, fearless of the droplets drenching his clothes, like a young boy who had just discovered the fun of the outside world. You watched him in awe for a few seconds. He was so beautiful.

A second later you were closing your umbrella as well, laughter bubbling up in your chest as you felt the rain hitting your skin, a relief compared to the humid, stuffy air of the summer. You took the hand he had extended for you, and the two of you danced messily, just like in a scene from an old romantic flick. Giggles were exchanged breathlessly as Seokjin held you by the waist, and you almost stepped on his feet. You were never a great dancer, neither was he, but it was fun and he was one of the most breathtaking creatures you’ve ever seen, with his hair falling in wet strands in front of his eyes and his lips turned up at their corners.

He rested his forehead against yours as you spun around in lazy circles, the tall buildings hovering over your heads in a way to protect the small space the two of you were bathing in. Your heartbeat counted the seconds you stayed there like that. “Gosh,” Seokjin breathed, “how am I going to survive without you? You’re my everything.”

You opened your eyes to look at him, and saw all the love in the world spilling from his gaze alone. It was overwhelming. You didn’t dare to breathe for a moment. “It feels like I’m falling in love with you over and over again all the time,” he whispered, his right hand coming to rest tenderly on the nape of your neck. “Like I’ve been doing only that since centuries ago.”

You held his waist a little tighter. “Like in lifetimes?”

He smiled. Everything was perfect in that moment. You definitely felt that it was too good to be true, that it wouldn’t last long, because he was leaving for war the next day and you knew that it was yet another story that wasn’t going to end well. Instead, you tried to focus on his breath. On the utter sincerity he put in the words he spoke next, a confession from the past, a promise for the future. Something that made your heart stir in hope and ache until this day.

“Like in lifetimes.”

[fmdtaeyongarchive]

↬ i beg you, don't be disappointed with the man i've become.

date: december 5, 2017 (d-7 to album release)

location: knight’s dorm

word count: 1,705

summary: honestly idek. ash hates himself. he’s doing great emotionally. 

notes: depression tw. mentions of alcohol abuse. mentions of weight loss and vaguely(?) suicidal thoughts tw. i lost the original version of this para back in october so i finally rewrote it and gave it a makeover to be relevant now.

“I wish my family and friends, they stay healthy I wish that love was a currency and the whole world was wealthy I found myself late night wishing on a star Everyday I wish I'd never broken a heart.”

when his manager said ash’s new schedule would be a lot busier than it had originally been, he hadn’t been kidding. for the past month and a half, it’s been the same. ash spends all day in the studio recording either for his album, or a portal single, or one of knight’s albums, and then he has concept meetings for music videos and photo shoots and stages, and they’re all pointless because they rarely consider his input anyway. there are days ash leaves with a success to his record for expressing his own vision, but they’re rare and he wonders how he can feel so stifled when the music on the album itself is so intrinsically his work, from his lyrics to his music to his voice.

today is a good day, at least. recording for his album is long done and the meetings are only about promotion concepts now. nothing today directly contradicts his own vision, so he celebrates the small victory in his mind as he leaves the bc building.

as decent as his day has been, when he gets back to the knight dorm for the day, he wants to be alone, so when his phone starts to vibrate on his bedside table, he plans to ignore it. when he looks down and sees a face time request from ‘mom’, though, he has no choice but to pick it up. there hasn’t been a time since he debuted that he got to talk to his parents enough and it’s been even worse lately with his busy schedule.

“mom?” 

his mother’s face appears on the screen and she looks just like she always does, somehow both put-together like the magazine editor she is and as relaxed as the free spirit he knows her to be. “ashton! i’m glad i caught you. you’re not busy now, are you?”

“no, mom,” ash answers, angling the camera to show her where he is before bringing it back to his face. “i’m just at the dorm. i’m not doing anything.” he’s unable to keep himself from smiling at seeing his mom’s face and hearing her voice. he sees her disappear off-screen for a few seconds before his dad joins her in the frame.

“son!” his dad bellows with a wide grin, before it falters with what ash reads as concern."you look like you’ve lost weight. you’re losing those signature kwon cheeks that made your mother fall for me.” ash sees his mom roll her eyes and the homesickness hits him all at once. “your mom and i have been watching your award shows performances and you’re getting really thin. they better not be starving you over there.”

“all i do is eat, dad. you know me.”

“are you sure? you’re starting to look as thin as you did last year, kid. you lost a lot of weight back then.”

the mention of the previous year makes ash shift on his bed. as open as his relationship with his parents is, he’s never found it in him to tell them more than the basics of what had happened last year. they didn’t even know he’d been put on antidepressants and gone through endless sessions with his therapist. they didn’t know he’d lost all of his passion and desire to exist like air knocked out of his lungs after a blow to the stomach. he knows it’s not a big deal and it’s not really a secret and they’d be supportive and want him to be healthy, but he doesn’t want to worry them. they’re too far away to do anything and it’s not their problem.

his mom seems to notice his sudden discomfort and traces the path of the conversation away from his dad’s train of thought.

“do you think you’ll be able to come home for your birthday and christmas this year?” she asks.

“mom... i...” he doesn’t know why he’s hesitating. she has to know the answer. he knows her, which means he knows she only asked out of the tiny shred of hope that it would be different this year. “my album’s coming out and i’ll be promoting over christmas.” his voice takes on a melancholy tone. “i really wish i could, but you know i don’t get a say in it.” he has no control over the circumstances, but guilt begins to bubble in his chest anyway.

“we’ll send your gift in the mail, then,” his mom says with a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. ash knows his parents miss seeing him. likewise, he misses them more than he could ever convey to them. he misses home. no matter how long he lives in seoul or how many friends he makes there, it will never be his home.

“so, ash..,” his dad speaks up with a more awkward tone after a few seconds of silence in which the guilt only continues to eat away at ash. “you know we don’t usually read all the rumors about you, but we saw they’ve been popping up again an awful lot.” it’s a topic ash has dreaded having to discuss with his parents. “you’re doing okay, right, ash? you’re so young, kid, and we know you have a different kind of pressure on your shoulders than most kids your age do, but we don’t want you to let all of that get to you,” his dad says and ash barely holds back a bitter laugh. can they really not tell that it got to him a long, long time ago? “we know who you are, son, and it’s not any of the hate you get. you have a lot of love to give and you’ve always had a kind heart. we’ve never questioned that.” the words should reassure ash, but there’s something about them that makes him feel like there’s a but coming.

and it does come.

“but you’re not... drinking too much, are you?” of course they’ve seen the video from back in tokyo. if they keep tabs on him, they were bound to. he just hopes they haven’t read the comments. ash deserves all of the harsh words he gets, but they don’t deserve to have to read them. they don’t deserve to realize that despite all of their best efforts, their son has turned out to be someone so unlikable and flawed beyond repair.

“i’m an adult. i can drink,” he says with as much conviction as he can muster. there’s nothing wrong with him having a drink, but that doesn’t keep him from feeling guilty every time he resorts to getting so drunk that he can finally feel something close to numbness. it isn’t fair for him to be numb when so many others have suffered because of him. the poison eating away at his soul is his punishment and yet he’s so weak, he tries evade it. the guilt he’d felt earlier from not being able to visit home for the holidays has spread to his whole body now.

he can’t look into the screen of his phone anymore and a silence hangs in the air of his room. in the quiet, the urge to drown himself in the calming sea of liquor creeps up on him again and, god, does he hate himself for it. he wonders if instead of his punishment being his own pain, it’s his inability to disappear into thin air. the only way he could possibly hope to atone for his mistakes is to let everyone live their lives free of him before he can do something else to hurt them.

his parents deserve to have a good person for a son, but he doesn’t know how to apologize for the fault of his existence.

instead, he clears his throat and blinks back tears threatening to wet his face. “um, hey, guys.” his voice nearly cracks, just like he can feel his composure doing. “i know i said i wasn’t busy, but i forgot to do something important before i came home. i actually have to go, sorry. it’s a..,” he wavers, “a work thing.”

ash can see the disappointment in his parents’ faces and although he knows it isn’t directed at him, he thinks it should be.

“okay, well, i love you, ashton,” his mom says first. her sadness at their short conversation weighs heavy on his heart.

his dad adds, “yeah, we love you. stay healthy, okay, son?”

ash nods wordlessly, fighting back the urge to tell them he doesn’t deserve their love. he knows they’d argue to the contrary because they’re good and loving people. much more so than he’s ever deserved. “i love you guys. talk to you soon.” his response is quiet and he gives them a forced smile before ending the call and tossing his phone to the foot of his bed.

the tears come as soon as there’s no one to see them, but ash fights hopelessly to hold them back. they feel like stinging acid running down his cheeks. they’re tears he shouldn’t be shedding. what has he done to earn the right to be sad? so many have it worse than him, yet he has the audacity to cry. tears have always come too easily to him because of his selfish need to release his own pain.

he rubs the soft fabric of his sweater over the damp skin under his eyes as he reaches over to turn off the lamp on his bedside table. he feels the darkness blanket the room and then slowly creep into his heart as he rests the side of his head against his pillow and curls up into himself. a puddle of dampness from his tears forms on the pillowcase, but he doesn’t notice. he tries to fight back all of his thoughts, to let his mind go blank of any intrusion without the aid of liquor. it’s not as easy, but nothing ever is for him lately.

he doesn’t remember falling asleep, but eventually he gives in to the thoughts prodding at his mind and, exhausted by his own crying, drifts off into a dreamless sleep with only the hope that it will all be better when he wakes up. that he will be better when he wakes up.

[solastia]

Ten Moments | 1

Prologue

MOMENT ONE

Word Count: 4,489

Genre & Warnings: Fluff, Some swearing because I’m all about that potty mouth life. No smut as of yet. This chapter is pretty tame. Don’t know how crazy other chapters are going to get. I’m letting this story tell itself as I go along. 

Notes: I just needed some fluff in my life. And Yoongi fluff at that. I wrote, deleted, and rewrote this chapter like six times. Nothing was coming out right. While I wanted this to stay fairly angst free for now, I don’t want to close it to future story developments. This chapter is me finally just saying fuck it, writing for five hours straight, and posting whatever happened. I hope you enjoy.

“Ten moments. There were ten moments that led to me loving Min Yoongi more than life itself.”

And what better place to start than in the beginning…

“That smile of yours says you did something awful and you’re enjoying it.”

I observe my life long best friend and roommate suspiciously. She’s got that smile that I absolutely hated. The one that’s sassy and quirks off to one side. The one that she wore when she convinced me to use my next door neighbors hot tub, thinking they were out of town for a couple more days. They weren’t. I had to clean it once a week for that entire summer so they wouldn’t make a big deal with my parents. That smile also made an appearance while were were in middle school, when she told me that rubbing vicks vaporub on my boobs would make them grow faster. All it did was make all the boys run away from me because I smelled “Like a Grandma.” Basically, I didn’t trust that smile. 

“It’s not awful. You’re going on a date tonight.”Jessica announced, sitting next to me on the couch. 

“Excuse me?” I stare at her in astonishment. She wouldn’t...would she? 

Damn, of course she would. 

“Look. It’s been six months since your divorce was final. I can see through your eternally optimistic self that it’s still eating away at you. It’s time to move on. He certainly has.” 

“He” being my ex-husband. Minho and I had been married for two years, before he finally called things off. He claimed he was too young for marriage and wanted to go out and live life. Later, I’d learned that was code for him wanting to divorce me and move in with his new girlfriend. Now here I am, a divorcee before I’d even turned 30. 

“I don’t know, Jess. I’m...not sure I’m ready to go through all that dating shit again yet. I’m trying my best to be positive about everything, but I’m scared to get back out there. I’m ready to just settle down with you, get a couple cats, and grow old together. We’ll be the two little old ladies in the corner house that everyone is pretty sure are lesbians, but no one is brave enough to ask.” 

“Ah, that sounds like the life. Add in doing the roof jumping scene from Practical Magic for Halloween every year, and it’s perfect.” 

Jessica lays her head down in my lap, looking up at me while batting her lashes. I pet her hair and give her a fond smile. I may protest all of her ideas at first, but I always know I’ll go along with it in the end. I lean my head back and sigh, apparently giving her the signal she was waiting for, since she shot back up and smiled in my face. 

“You’ll do it? You’re going?” She asked excitedly, shaking my shoulders playfully. 

“At least give me some damn details.” I huff, still trying to at least maintain my reluctant attitude out of spite. 

“Hmm, OK. Just a little bit. I don’t want to give you enough info to try and talk yourself out of it. There’s going to be a group of us, so I’m not just throwing you into the lion’s den. So, it’s not really a DATE kinda date, just going to meet. It’s mostly people from my work, and whoever they end up bringing.” She pauses for a moment, and the look on her face turns almost dreamy. Interesting.

“The guy I’ve been talking you up to is Hoseok. He’s one of the music producer’s at the company, although rumor is he’s quite the dancer too. You guys have similar personalities! You’re both so bright and cheerful, and I think putting you two together would be fun to see! Like two suns clashing.” 

“That sounds painful.” I joke, and she bumps me with her shoulder. She tries to wiggle her eyebrows, very unsuccessfully, until I give in with a laugh. I have a suspicion about Jessica’s feelings towards this Hoseok dude, so I decide to play along and see what the lay of the land is. I’m not about to date some guy that my best friend has feelings for, even if she hasn’t admitted to it. 

“Fine. Let’s do this. I’ll choose my own clothes though. Yes, I saw that look. I’m not going to wear some slinky thing for a first impression. I’m thinking my yellow sundress. Something bright will help me get through this.”  With a firm nod at Jessica’s disappointed expression, I get up and head to my room to get ready for what I’m sure is going to be a very long night. 

“Jesus, Jess. How many people are coming to this?” I look around tables in awe. There were at least twenty people in our party. The rest of the restaurant was packed full as well. 

“Oh, I’m not sure. The thing is, this is the grand opening for this restaurant. The owner used to work at our company, so the whole group is coming to celebrate.” Jessica absentmindedly answers while scanning the crowd. I assume she’s spotted her prey when her face lights up, and I follow her gaze to the tall (and gorgeous, I’ll admit) man walking toward us with a bright smile. This must be the famous Hoseok.

“Jess! You came! I was starting to wonder if you were going to show.” He’s practically yelling as he gets closer, never taking his eyes off my friend. Yeah, I was totally not going there. How they were both so oblivious to the fact that they were completely attracted to each other is a mystery. 

“Hey Hobi! We’re a little fashionably late because I had to convince Y/N to come with. Y/N, this is Jung Hoseok. Hobi, this is Y/N.” Jessica made introductions, then angled herself behind Hoseok a little, giving me a small thumbs up behind his back. His smiled dimmed a little, and I tried not to be completely offended, although I knew I had no interest. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you at last, Hoseok. Jessica talks about you constantly. I was beginning to wonder if you were made up, she made you sound so perfect.” She’d done no such thing, and Jess’s panicked expression said so, but Hoseok’s smile was beaming brighter than the sun now. He turned to glance at Jessica in what I could swear was adoration, and Jess was actually blushing. I couldn’t remember the last time I saw her blush. Ah, this was going to be easy. I’m not even sad about a date for me not working out. If Jessica is happy, I’m happy. 

“Shall we?” I gesture to the set of long tables that had been pushed together for the large crowd. Hoseok sat down first, and I pushed Jessica so that she’d sit next to him, leaving me with the seat on the edge of the table. Jess gives me a look, which I correctly interpret to mean “WTF are you doing?” I simply shrug, and hide my smile as I look away. 

I hear a soft chuckle and I look up only to meet the intense stare of the person directly across from me. He’s beautiful, is my first thought. Soft, tousled black hair partly covered his cat-like eyes. His pink lips were smirking in my direction, and the flicker of his eyes over to Hoseok and Jessica, who were deep in conversation, told me he knew what I was doing. His long, elegant fingers were wrapped around a beer glass, which he raised in salute.

“You’re smooth. I’ve been trying to get him to confess for months. He looks almost ready to do it here and now.” He whispered, his raspy voice sending shivers down my whole body. 

I shrug, trying to act like I’ve not been completely affected by a man I’ve known for two seconds. “They’re not exactly subtle.” I whisper back, looking to see if they’ve noticed they are being talked about. They are so engrossed in their conversation, beaming at each other, that it would probably take a bomb to break their concentration. 

“I’m Yoongi, by the way. Do you work at our company? I think I’d remember seeing you around.” He asks quietly, eyes practically piercing through clear to my soul. 

“Errr, no. I’m Jessica’s plus one. My name is Y/N. She was going to set me up with Hoseok, but I think we can all see that’s a bust. I’m actually a kindergarten teacher.” 

He nods like he’s not surprised, just silently looking at me. 

“Aren’t you going to ask the usual questions? Like why I chose that or if Kindergarten Cop is my favorite movie?” 

He snorts, the smirk making a brief appearance again. 

“Does it make you happy?” 

Surprised, I just nod. 

“Then that’s all that matters.” 

I can’t help but smile his way. I think I like the way he thinks.

“So what is it that you do here, Yoongi?” I ask, taking a sip of the beer that Jessica had passed to me while I hadn’t been paying attention.

He looks at me curiously. “Do you seriously not know who I am?”

“You’d think the blank stare and the questions would give it away.” I drawl sarcastically, grinning as he raises an eyebrow.

“Well, then let me officially introduce myself. Min Yoongi. CEO of Min Entertainment.” I hear him chuckle at my dumbfounded expression. I was just being a smart-ass with Jessica’s boss. Shit.

“Uh, look...”

“Don’t apologize. I liked it.” He grinned at me, and I swear I feel the goosebumps forming all over my body. Not only am I being a smartass with her boss, we’re apparently flirting as well.

I open my mouth to respond when an incredibly handsome man walks up and sets his hand on Yoongi’s shoulder. The whole table erupts into cheers, and the man raises his hand, acknowledging the cheers with humor. 

“Ah, my friends! Thank you for joining me on this occasion. I wouldn’t have gotten this far if it wasn’t for you guys in the first place, so this night is about you as well. This restaurant is a dream come true, and I hope everyone enjoys the offerings. And no, you can’t substitute the chicken for lamb, Jungkook, put your hand down.” The table erupts into laughter, as a cute man at the other end puts his hand back on the table with a sheepish grin. 

“The waiters will start bringing the courses now, and they will all be wonderful, or my name isn’t Kim Seokjin!” He chuckles, patting Yoongi’s shoulder. “Eat deliciously, everyone.” With a wave, he heads back to the kitchens and the waiters start to place the dishes on the table. 

Everything certainly smells delicious, but I simply poke around at the bowl of rice in front of me, preferring to simply people watch. Normally, I’d have no problem jumping into the conversation. I generally make friends fairly easily and enjoy meeting new people. However, these are Jessica’s work associates, so I didn’t want to risk annoying or offending anyone. It made me happy to see how well everyone seemed to get along, knowing that Jessica was in a good environment at work. She occasionally checks in on me during the meal, bumping me in the shoulder and looking around to hint that I should mingle. I give her a reassuring grin and nod towards Hoseok to redirect her attention, before going back to looking around the room.

I especially enjoyed watching Yoongi. At first glance, he seems aloof and rather expressionless, but as I watch, I notice little things. Like how he was always looking around the group, seemingly keeping an eye on them. He’d push water into the vicinity of an associate that was drinking beer too fast or set the seafood dish far away from the man next to him who claimed to hate it. I caught a small smile on Yoongi’s face when Hoseok started to include him in the latest story he was telling Jessica. 

It was always the quiet ones that turn out to be the squishiest.

I drop my gaze down to the bowl in front of me. I really needed to think of a way to politely leave. Now that Hoseok and Jessica are on the right track, there was really no reason for me to be here. I’d much rather be home watching Stranger Things and relaxing. 

My thoughts of escape are interrupted when a generous helping of meat is suddenly plopped onto my rice. I look up to see Yoongi looking at me almost sternly. 

“Eat.” he gruffly orders. I feel almost reprimanded, and I chuckle as I pop a piece in my mouth, cocking an eyebrow at him cheekily. 

I swear I see a faint blush bloom on his cheeks before his heads drops down to focus on his own meal. I almost wonder if he sensed my thoughts of flight and was trying to make me stay. Although, that really sounds like I’m thinking way too highly of myself, still, a girl can dream. 

After ten courses, that’s right ten, dessert is finally served. It’s incredibly rich looking chocolate cake slices, one of my favorite things in the world. However, they are HUGE, and I really didn’t want to eat a whole one by myself, at least not in mixed company. I look to my left to ask Jessica to share with me, but she’s already sharing with Hoseok. Glad to know that’s going well at least. A spoon appears in my field of vision, and my eyes travel up to the heavily veined hands connected to Yoongi, who is smiling at me. Not a smirk, or a grin, but a full on gummy smile. I thought I was attracted to him before, but his smile instantly changed his whole demeanor. He suddenly looked like the sweetest, not to mention cutest, guy I’d ever seen. 

“Share with me? There’s no way I’ll be able to deal with this on my own.” He chuckles, and there is no way I’m going to reject his offer. I accept the spoon and take a bite, a moan sneaking out as I get a taste the decadent cake. I hear a hiss and look up to see Yoongi staring at me, eyes wide and focused on my mouth. It takes me a moment, but I finally realize where his mind went, and I can feel the heat in my cheeks as I blush. He clears his throat and focuses on slowly eating the cake, and I follow suit. He leaves the last bite for me, pushing the plate towards me to finish. If he thinks I’m going to play the game of “No, you can eat it” he’s going to be sorely disappointed. I don’t mess around with chocolate. I quickly eat the bite, smiling and bouncing a little as I savor the last bit of chocolaty goodness. He doesn’t say anything, but I swear I sweet his lips twitch.

As everything is getting cleared away, most of the group starts to collect in front of the bar area, clearly intent on staying awhile longer. Jessica grabs me by the hand to drag me to the bathrooms to “freshen up.”

“Sooo, what do you think of Hoseok? I still can’t believe you wouldn’t sit next to him. I wanted you to talk to him more.” She asks while fixing her hair in the mirror.

Is she for real? I thought I had that all settled.

“Uh, yeah, I don’t think he’s for me. He seems nice though. Maybe you should think about going out with him. He seems to like you.”

Jessica blushes. “Oh, well, he’s really nice. I don’t know how I feel about dating someone from work though. And honestly, I think the two of you would be perfect together. I just need to get you two to talk more. I don’t remember the last time you were this quiet. By the way, I saw that you actually seemed to be getting along with Mr. Min. He usually terrifies people that just meet him.”

“I think he’s nice.” I shrug, not about to tell her that just his name is enough to make my stomach flutter with butterflies.

“You think everyone is nice. It is odd how much he was smiling at you though. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile so much with anyone but Hobi.” I feel oddly proud at the thought that I was on the receiving end of so many of his apparent rare smiles.

“Come on. A couple more drinks and we can head home. You have to promise to talk to Hobi at least a little. I really think you’ll like him.”

Not as much as you like him.

I let her draw me over to the bar area, where Hoseok was standing with a few others, including Yoongi. I could feel his eyes watching as we drew closer, but I avoided looking his way for now. I needed to think of some way get Jess to stop trying to set me up with Hoseok when she obviously liked him. I didn’t really know what else to do besides smack them upside the head and tell them to fucking kiss already. Hmm, that idea is actually tempting…

I see Jessica nod in my direction, prompting Hoseok to talk to me.“So, Y/N, Jessica tells me you’re a Kindergarten teacher? That’s so cool. I bet you love the movie Kindergarten Cop, right?”

I hear the low, raspy chuckle on my right, knowing Yoongi remembered our earlier conversation.

I smile brightly at Hoseok. “Actually, I’ve only seen bits and pieces of it I’m afraid. Maybe one of these days you can join Jessica and I on one of our movie nights and we’ll watch it. Everyone keeps telling me it’s the movie for me.” I want to laugh as Hoseok smiles down at Jessica fondly, no doubt imagining having a movie night with her.

Jess slyly looks over at me. “You know, Y/N also sings really well. She sings with her students all the time. I bet you could use her voice on some of your songs.”

“Jess...” I moan, just wanting her to stop.

She luckily gets distracted when Hoseok starts talking about some track they were currently working on together. I take the chance to sneak away to the bar and order a coffee, hoping that without my presence to distract her, Jess will just focus on talking to Hoseok.

“Coffee at 10 pm. A woman after my own heart.” I hear Yoongi remark as he walks up and settles in the seat next to me. I smile softly at him as he orders his own Americano. He nods towards Hoseok and Jessica, still deep in conversation.

“I thought we settled things with them?” He takes a sip of coffee, eyes on my face.

“That’s what I thought too. I honestly don’t know how it’s not obvious to the both of them that they are so into each other. He’s incredibly uncomfortable whenever it’s obvious she’s trying to set us up, and it’s starting to make me feel equally uncomfortable. I thought about just screaming at them to kiss earlier, and it’s still sounding like a viable solution.” I shake my head, echoing Yoongi’s loud sigh.

“Hey...” He whispers softly, and I turn to see him staring at me intently.

“I have an idea. I’m pretty sure that she’d know for a fact that you weren’t interested in Hoseok afterward.”

“What is it?”

“Just don’t smack me.” He grins, before quickly leaning in and pressing his lips to mine.

It’s just a simple press at first, my shock keeping me still. Slowly, I start to realize how soft his lips are and I lean into the kiss to feel more, my eyes falling shut. I hear his soft, ragged groan as he deepens it, coaxing my lips with his tongue to open. I can taste the coffee and his peppermint chapstick. It’s slow and nice, just a simple exploration of each other. I feel him pull away, and it takes me a moment to open my eyes again. We are both breathing heavily, staring at each other with soft smiles. I hear a throat clear and turn to see Hoseok beaming at us, Jessica slightly behind him and looking at us in shock.

“So, you two, huh?” Hoseok grins, bumping Yoongi with his shoulder.

“Us two. Maybe you and Jessica can come with us for a double date on Saturday?” Yoongi still hasn’t looked anywhere but at me. I feel like he’s asking me as well as Hoseok. I silently nod, happy to see the small twitch of his lips in response.

Hoseok’s stunned face was almost laughable and it was even harder to contain when Jessica squeaked out “OK!” Hoseok turned to stare at the blushing Jessica, and probably the widest smile I’d ever seen on anyone appeared on his face. “OK.”

Yoongi nods towards the entrance, and the two of you head out, leaving Hoseok and Jessica to have some privacy.

The night air is chilly, but welcome after the packed restaurant. Yoongi reaches a hand out.

“Your phone.” He requests softly. I had it to him, and watch as he sends himself a text.

“I’ll text you the details for Saturday.”

He hands the phone back, his large fingers wrapping around my wrist as I take the phone. He pulls me in, staring at my lips. He leans in quickly, smashing his lips to mine in a hard, demanding kiss. He nips at my bottom lip as he pulls away.

“I’ll see you later.” He smirks as he takes in my dazed expression. He quickly turns and strolls to his car, driving away as I can do nothing but stare.

I wait there as everyone is leaving the building, watching as they all say their goodbyes. I see Hoseok shyly kiss the back of Jessica’s hand, both of their faces bright red. With one last little wave his way, she finally comes over to me and we walk to the car.

“Sooooooooo...” She drawls.

“Honestly, Jess, I don’t even know.”

“OK, but it’s just so weird! Like, he is totally not your usual type. Not to mention anyone else you’ve ever dated it took you almost a month to get to the kissing stage, and here you are kissing someone within hours. Although I do have to admit, I’ve never seen him look at anyone like that before. I’m pretty sure that was the wolfish look I’ve seen described in romance books.” She laughs.

“Uh, well, total confession mode. The kiss was partially a drastic measure to get you and Hoseok together. Everyone and their grandma can see that the two of you are crazy about each other.”

Jessica blushes. “Yeah, I mean, I knew he was amazing. I suspected I really liked him, but I’ve never been into the idea of dating co-workers. I also knew that his personality is so like yours that you’d probably be a better match for him. I guess I was annoying, wasn’t I?” I pat her hand as she settles into the driver’s seat.

“It’s OK. I thought it was cute. Apparently, Yoongi had been trying to get Hoseok to confess to you for awhile. So we teamed up. You’re welcome.”

Silence reigns for a few minutes as we get out onto the highway. I know the both of us have plenty to think about tonight.

“I’m a little surprised Mr. Min was OK with the thought of me dating Hoseok, seeing as he’s the boss and all. I suspect it’s mostly so he had an excuse to go out with you. You dirty girl, you.” She giggles as I smack her shoulder.

“Pay attention to the road, wench.”

“Also, that was SOME KISS. Like, wow. I was almost jealous. Did it feel great? Do you feel great? Do you actually want to date him?” She shot out every question at light speed, and I laugh.

“Hmm, Yes. Yes. And...yes. I think I do. He’s...intriguing.”

Jessica snorts. “That’s one way to put it. You know, there is going to be a lot of crying women at work when they find out someone has snatched up Mr. Elusive.”

“Oh? Popular is he?” No, that totally wasn’t jealousy I was feeling.

“Well, even I have to admit he’s handsome. Not to mention he’s the CEO of one of the largest entertainment companies in the city. He basically owns this cities Hip Hop scene. Tons of women at work have tried and failed to get with Mr. Min. I’ve heard he even made a couple of them cry when they confessed. And here you are, snatching him up over dinner. Wow, I’m besties with a legend.”

I shake my head at her ridiculousness. I really don’t know how to take that information. Does that make me special? Perhaps I was just convenient? Maybe helping out his friend Hoseok was the ultimate end game and he didn’t think I would take it seriously?

I stare out of my window, watching as the scenery goes by. I start going through my usual mantra to clear the dark turn of my thoughts. Think positive. Puppies. Children’s laughter. Coffee. Pretty music…

I’m distracted from my thoughts when my phone pings, signaling a message.

Unknown Number: I do this stuff better by text, so here I go. I really liked meeting you tonight, and I’m looking forward to Saturday. I don’t date much since I work a lot, so I’ll apologize in advance if I’m a boring asshole.

I smile and change the contact info to his name.

Y/N: I accept your apology in advance. I have a feeling we’ll be fine though.

Yoongi: Strangely, I think so too.

Yoongi: Anyway, I just didn’t want you to think this was all about Hoseok. I wanted to see you again too. Having those two stop dancing around each other at work is just an added bonus. I knew our plan would work. I really am a genius.

I laugh and update his name again.

“Who are you talking to over that has you grinning like that? Is it boss man?” Jessica teases as she parks the car, finally having reached your shared apartment. I simply nod, following her up the stairs to our place.

Y/N: Well, Genius Min Yoongi. I have to get some shuteye to teach all the young, impressionable minds I’m in charge of tomorrow. Before I lose my courage, I’ll let you know that tonight was amazing, and that kiss was the best I’ve ever had in my life. I look forward to seeing you on Saturday. Goodnight, Yoongi.

Genius Min Yoongi: Sweet dreams, Y/N.

I make my way to my room and flop back onto my bed, staring up at the ceiling. “What is it about you?” I whisper out loud.

[soundonreadings]

Sound On InstaReadings Series Volume 2 with John Elizabeth Stintzi & Kyla Jamieson

Welcome to Sound on InstaReadings Series. Our second installment features readers John Elizabeth Stintzi and Kyla Jamieson and is hosted by Dina Del Bucchia. Posted here for your enjoyment are the bios of our fine readers and the text of their readings. Thanks!

John Elizabeth Stintzi is the recipient of the 2019 RBC Bronwen Wallace Award for Emerging Writers, and their work has appeared in the Malahat Review, the Fiddlehead, Kenyon Review, and Ploughshares. They are the author of the novel Vanishing Monuments as well as the poetry collection Junebat.

Excerpt from John Elizabeth Stintzi’s VANISHING MONUMENTS (for SOUND ON, April 24):

The concrete path, the door, the hallway. The house. I remember Mother stuffing me into down jackets and snow boots, hobbling me into the thick snow pants she’d bought for me at the thrift store.

“I bought it big like this because you will grow,” Mother said when she first pulled them up my legs as I sat braced on the stairs.

It was late October, which back then meant there was already a foot of snow in Winnipeg, and the rivers were frozen. It was morning. I don’t know where we were going. She’d bought me the pants with a too-big jacket because I’d outgrown the one-piece snowsuit I’d used for the last few years. I must have been around eight or nine. She rolled up the legs, took an open safety pin from between her lips, and started pinning up the rolls of extra length.

“If you buy big clothes, your body will know to grow into them. Do you want to be big one day, Alani? Like me.”

I don’t remember answering, but I must have, because that was back when Mother and I still responded to each other. My mind doesn’t usually decide to remind me of us speaking. Instead, I remember thinking about my body getting larger, as she pinned the legs, and how hopeful that made me. I wanted there to be more room for all of me, I wanted my body to feel as bare and roomy as our house did, like I could fit everything in. When I was in kindergarten, because it was too cold to have recess outside, our teacher brought out the projector to show us a documentary about hermit crabs. I couldn’t understand what the voice-over was saying because of its speed and accent, so I just watched the crabs switching shells and started to think that’s what life is like: you live as long as you can in one body, then once you can’t fit into it anymore, you move to a new one. And someone smaller takes your place.

For a while, I didn’t understand what growing up looked like, didn’t know how it worked. For a few years after Ilsa died and gave Mother the house in her will, Mother helped other elderly people in the neighbourhood keep up their lives in their own homes. Over the years of looking after Ilsa and me, she had perfected her technique of caring for fragile bodies.

Before I was in school, or during the summer, I went along with her in the mornings and wandered around the old person’s house while Mother was in another room, helping them get out of bed, bathe, eat, or take their medicine. I spent most of the time there either avoiding their mean old pets or walking around their living rooms, their hall- ways, looking at the family pictures on the walls. I remember looking through those photos for the old, frail things that Mother cared for and never once finding them.

I never thought that they could’ve been the result of one of the young bodies in those photos. After a certain age they stopped being documented, or else the newer photos were never hung. Mother hadn’t ever taught me about aging, about time’s effect on a body. I’d never seen a picture of myself as a baby; I don’t know that I’d ever seen a picture of myself at all back then. I thought that everything was inside me, that as far back as I could remember was as far back as I ever was. I assumed the people in the photos, in different stages of their lives, were each a different person. I thought I was going to be myself—a child—forever.

Nobody told me that I’d already been things that I didn’t remember, that as far back as I could recall was not the start of me, and that my life would consist of slowly leaving myself behind. I hadn’t yet realized that I didn’t remember anything about the year or two we still lived in Germany. All I’d known was that whenever I looked at myself in the mirror, there I was. Back then, with that mindset, things seemed stable.

“What does it mean being big?” I asked, as Mother took my hands and pulled me to my feet at the bottom of the stairs. She tugged at the pants, put her eye close to the floor—her tied-back hair flopping onto the hardwood—to squint and yank at the pinned legs. By then, I knew people grew, that there was no escaping the body I was in. “Why do I want to do it?”

She sat up—the memory is tack sharp—finished adjusting one of the straps of the snow pants, pulled back a little, and looked me straight in the eyes. Her face was so close to mine. I can remember the smell of her shampoo, the weight of the snow pants hanging on my shoulders, her hands grazing down along them on their way to brace her against the floor with that swooshing sound of scraped polyester. I remember everything about that moment, everything but her mouth. I want to remember her smiling, but I can’t see it. I can’t see her mouth or the inflection that the words came out with.

“Because it is going to happen, Alani. Getting big. You should be welcoming and excited for things that are going to happen.”

* Kyla Jamieson is a disabled writer who lives and relies on the unceded traditional territories of the Musqueam, Squamish, and Tsleil-Waututh Nations. Her work has appeared or is forthcoming in Room Magazine, Poetry Is Dead, Arc Poetry Magazine, Vallum, Peach Mag, Plenitude, GUTS, and The Account. She is the author of Kind of Animal (Rahila’s Ghost Press), a poetry chapbook about the aftermath of a brain injury. Her work was longlisted for the 2019 CBC Poetry Prize and her first book-length collection of poems, Body Count (Nightwood Editions), placed third in the Metatron Prize for Rising Authors. Find Kyla on Instagram as @airymeantime or at www.kylajamieson.com. 

BODY COUNT like every intelligent (traumatized) woman full of self-hate (shame) I have always been a perfectionist / before I wanted to be pretty I wanted to be on time / most improved most present best /my high school history teacher emphasized obedience / everyone I talk to remembers him fondly idk why / I researched the rape of nanjing / my paper was a failure / nobody really knew how many people died there / I couldn’t establish the simplest facts / it was hopeless / I forgot I asked for an apology from the prof people say I got fired like that’s what I wanted & not his respect / can writing be healing without inviting mockery? / according to google george orwell said journalism is what somebody doesn’t want printed & everything else is just pr / lately I worry the poetry I like is just pr / I wonder about the carbon emissions of a body’s decomposition / like is killing yourself better for the planet / anorexia runs in my family / studies associate it with trauma & perfectionism / I used to think I could trade obedience for safety / I rewrote my paper on gallipoli / I got an a / white history is easy / internment is only two letters from internet / that’s where I read they put us in horse stalls / my great-grandfather said I have three boys & we’re all willing to work / they were sent to a farm instead of a camp / fyi japanese soldiers raped nanjing / fyi it doesn’t matter how perfect you are / tl;dr I tried to be perfect for a long time & it didn’t keep me safe / today I went in the shower & shaved for so long my calluses fell off / I don’t like what this might be seen as saying about my politics like maybe I’m secretly as misogynistic as that man who’s in love with his sex doll as well as his sex doll side piece / but it made me feel so clean

I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THE FUTURE SINCE MY ONLY LIMITS ARE IMAGINED

there is artificial grass here but that’s not what i’ve been smoking like all great millennial visionaries i am caving under the weight of my ambitions my grandma says life is a gimmick i google virgin-whore dichotomy plus intellectual how to define evil without capitalism what even is normal how valuable optometrists will be during the apocalypse i am not ready for the unending applause at that one point in trump’s address to congress was gruesome when will i see you again

 EXCEPTING MY INFIRMITIES

concussed I land bed & sleep my belly is hot like heat I wear my fingernails are getting along the smiley face’s mouth corners drip condensation I dream of rivers & apocalypse opium in the dark & fear silverfish I want to write a chopped book in series voice jess sends smiling pile of poo I say to you little brother I can go to america on the internet

WBU?

I’m on Bumble & people are asking what I do for fun. How to explain no free will for a year, each day shaped by however pain appeared that morning?

I NEED A POEM

Can we talk about the moon tonight? Low & full in the baby-blue sky. A friend at my door, the sound of her laugh & well-loved heart. I want to be held up like that. I need a poem about happiness I haven’t written yet, an ode to the ducks in my neighbours’ pool, another for the pink magnolias of spring—some trees make it look so easy: yes, I can hold all this beauty up.