#( Orlais is worse than we thought )

[bg3daydream]

At the Winter Palace

Solas x Inquisitor Lavellan Fanfiction.

Summary: A short and fluffy one-shot about Solas' and Lavellan's night at the Winter Palace's ball. This is rated mature but not explicit. 2'3K words.

Stars shone over Haramshiral, but Inquisitor Lavellan was in no mood to appreciate them. She wasn’t sure what was worse, all the murders, threats, and conspiracy, or every decision again weighing on her shoulders, or all the mean gossip and cruel, passive-aggressive comments about her and her advisors and friends.

She’d gone to one of the more secluded balconies, trying to hide from it all for as long as possible. How the dancing, celebration, politicking, and gossiping continued after what had happened was beyond her understanding. Morrigan had followed her out, and it seemed now she’d be her advisor too. Lavellan still didn’t know what to make of her.

Lavellan leaned over the balcony's railing when Morrigan left, glad to have time alone, but someone else walked out to join her. This time it was Solas, though, and his presence was more than welcome.

“I’m not surprised to find you out here,” he said as he leaned over the railing next to her. “Thoughts?”

Too many… She didn’t even know where to start.

“We came here to prevent a murder. Instead, several murders happened and we, I, sanctioned one. That death is on me.”

“You can’t save everyone,” Solas said, matter of fact, Lavellan didn’t know how he could sound so unbothered. “And these people playing what they call The Game, they know what can happen to them.”

“Still…I’m not sure this was the right thing to do…” Lavellan let out a sigh and Solas placed a hand on the small of her back, comforting. “Everyone’s saying this is a victory for Orlais and for us, but it doesn’t feel like it, and we all know this is only a temporary victory.”

“You’re right, there’s much trouble ahead.” Solas nodded, caressing her back with his knuckles before pulling her a bit closer. “But for now, focus on what’s in front of you.”

Lavellan looked at him with a small smile, reaching to stroke the side of his face and cup his cheek with her palm. “You are in front of me,” she told him softly. 

Solas turned his head to kiss her palm, and Lavellan felt her heart swelling as she looked at him smiling at her. He was looking so carefree that night, way more at ease at the ball than she, as if he was actually enjoying it.

“I think you might be a bit drunk, my love,” Lavellan teased, caressing Solas' cheek again.

“I am not!” Solas huffed and Lavellan laughed.

“No? I remember you saying that the food and drink were excellent, and that the servants were happy to refill your glass. How many glasses did you have?” Lavellan kept her teasing.

“I didn’t count,” Solas answered and Lavellan snorted.

“Okay…but you’re not even a bit drunk.”

“Not at all.”

Solas leaned to her and Lavellan thought he was going to kiss her, but then he turned his face to look inside the palace and pulled back. Lavellan wondered if he’d noticed someone approaching, but before she could ask, Solas bowed to her and reached out his hand.

“Come, before the band stops playing, dance with me.”

It took Lavellan by surprise, and for a second she could only blink at Solas, but then she took his hand, her smile growing. Solas had sounded so excited and hopeful, as if he had really been wanting to dance with her, it made her feel twirling butterflies on her belly

“Id’ love to.”

Solas pulled her close, one hand holding hers, the other on her waist, and as they danced, Lavellan’s troubles and worries seemed to pause even if only for a moment. Soon, she found herself grinning, enjoying the moment between them, and her heart fluttered at the way Solas looked at her while they danced. It was the first time she enjoyed herself that evening, and perhaps the ball had been worth it just for that moment.

The band stopped but Solas didn’t, and Lavellan let Solas lead her without music, dancing for a bit longer. Eventually, she stopped, wrapping her arms around Solas’ shoulders, pulling him close and kissing him. Solas kissed her back, holding her to him so tight that Lavellan almost had to cling to him to keep her balance.

Lavellan pulled back from the kiss but kept her arms around Solas, while he still held her close. “I know I’m supposed to be in there, letting people see me and forging alliances but I want to stay here longer…stay with me? Unless you can wait to go back to all that court intrigue you seem to love so much…” She teased.

Solas chuckled, pecking her lips before answering. “I can sacrifice the pleasures of the Orlesian ball in order to keep the Inquisitor company,” he joked back.

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close, and Lavellan snuggled to his chest as they turned to look at the night sky again. Solas nuzzled her hair, then kissed the side of her head before leaning to kiss her lips. It was sweet, making Lavellan feel like she was melting as she kissed him back, holding to him.

She didn’t know when it had happened, but she knew she loved him, and she counted herself lucky that he seemed to love her too.

They stayed like that for a while, snuggled together, enjoying each other's company. Lavellan wouldn’t mind staying like that for the whole night, away from the ball and cuddled to Solas’ side, until they could watch the sunrise and finally go back to Skyhold.

They were interrupted sooner than they would have liked, though.

“Inquisitor…I’m sorry but you’re needed.” At Josephine’s voice, Lavellan pulled away from Solas and turned around to face her. 

Solas kept his hand on her waist, taking her by surprise. She didn’t mind it and she was certain pretty much every one of her companions and advisors knew that there was something between them, but still, Solas had been somewhat private about their relationship, and he’d mentioned how talks about the Inquisitor and an apostate elven mage may hurt the reputation Josephine was trying to craft.

“Sure…what happened now?” Lavellan tried not to sound annoyed, it was not Josephine’s fault.

“Nothing happened, but there’s a noble who’d like to speak with you, and we could really use the support of his house,” Josephine explained.

“Alright.” Lavellan sighed but gave Josephine a tired smile, before looking at Solas. “I’ll see you later, once all this is finished, please?”

She thought either Solas or Josephine might think it a bad idea, that they'd comment about the talk and gossip if someone knew about Solas going to the Inquisitor’s room that night, but he only nodded and Josephine graciously didn’t comment.

“Let’s go, then…”

*

When finally Lavellan was free to go to her room, she was more than glad to find Solas already there. He’d changed from his ball uniform back to casual clothes, and he was sitting down on the desk, reading, but he smiled at her as she walked in.

“Vhenan.”

“Love.” Lavellan greeted as she headed straight to the bed, dropping down on it with a tired sigh. “Finally it’s over. I can’t wait to go home tomorrow.”

“That bad?”

Lavellan wasn’t sure when she’d started to think of Skyhold as home, but at that moment, it felt like it.

Lavellan sighed and undid the buttons of the neck of her uniform, tugging at it. “Not bad, just….I don’t know, too much.  Everyone wants to speak to me, and I don’t know what to tell them or if I’m doing it right, despite Josephine's training, I think I’ve messed up a few times, and then some don’t come to speak to me but I can see them speaking about me, not nicely.” She scoffed.

“Pay them no mind, vhenan, you’ve done well today.”

Solas went to sit next to where she was lying, taking her legs and placing them on his lap. He unfastened the straps of her high boots and then took them off her, caressing her calves in the process. He did the same with her long gloves, tugging them down her arms and placing a kiss on each of her hands as he did.

“Thanks…” Lavellan gave him a soft smile, and she felt butterflies in her belly at his caring, sweet touch. “I probably shouldn’t be lying on a bunch of small knives.”

She sat up and unfastened her belt, which held three tiny blades to her back. She didn’t want to get up, and so she just dropped it to the floor. Next, she undid the cloth that wrapped around her waist like a belt and over her shoulder, and Solas helped her unwrap it from her, discarding it on the bed. Lastly, Lavellan undid the buttons of her jacket and took it off, dropping it to the floor next to the belt.

Once she was only on her undershirt and leggings, Lavellan leaned closer to kiss Solas’ lips before pulling back and falling on the mattress again. She tugged at Solas so he’d lie down with her and so he did, resting his head on her chest. Lavellan wrapped her arms around him, stroking his head softly.

“I’ve had enough of this court and its intrigue, but you’ll have to tell me about the ones you saw in the Fade.”

It took Solas a couple of seconds to answer. “You’ll fall asleep, vhenan.”

She snorted. “Right now, maybe yes. But I like it when you tell me about things you’ve seen in the Fade.” She felt Solas place a kiss on the arm that she’d wrapped around him, making her smile. “I don’t know how it was in the Fade but I didn’t like this court. I hated that they introduced you as the Inquisitor’s elven servant, it was not my doing.” 

Lavellan had wanted to speak up when it happened, but she knew it wouldn’t have been well received and she didn’t want to stress Josephine more.

“I know, vhenan. It didn’t work as I hoped, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nobles act like servants are invisible, talk as if they’re not around. I’d thought perhaps I could hear them say something of interest that they’d not say around you or your advisors,” Solas explained. “But it seems they took care not to gossip around me.”

“That’s smart.” Lavellan hadn’t thought of it that way. “There was this woman, though, she was talking about you, calling you the Inquisitor’s pet mage.” She scoffed, angry again just thinking about it. “I could have punched her. I think Josephine saw it on my face because suddenly she dragged me away because apparently I needed to be somewhere else.”

Solas chuckled, he didn’t seem as upset as Lavellan by what had happened. “You don’t need to defend my honor, vhenan,” he joked.

Lavellan brushed her fingers down Solas’ cheek and to his chin, gently lifting his head from her chest to make him look at her. “I’m going to do it anyway.”

Solas gave her a small, half smile, moving over her to kiss her. Lavellan kissed him back, her arms still wrapped around him.

What started soft and sweet soon turned heated, the kiss deepening as Solas pressed his body against hers, and Lavellan opened her legs further to accommodate his hips between hers.

Lavellan slid her hands under Solas’ shirt, caressing his warm skin, and he moaned softly into the kiss. His hips pinned her and she could feel him already hardening against her. Liquid heat pooled in Lavellan’s belly and she pressed her thighs harder against his sides.

One of Solas’ hands rested at the side of her head, his fingers tangling on her hair, and he slid his other hand up her thigh, stopping at the side of her butt, squeezing. Lavellan gasped, moaning against his lips as she lifted her hips to press her heat against him.

Lavellan tried to pull him even closer, if that was possible, but Solas did the opposite, pulling back. He was breathing hard, his eyes closed tight before he opened them to look at her.

“Solas?” Lavellan called his name softly when he didn’t say anything, and she stroked his face, cupping his cheek. “Something wrong?”

Solas swallowed hard before answering. “You should rest, vhenan.”

“I’m not tired.” All the events of the ball had drained her and she felt more than done with it, but Solas’ kisses had awakened her in more than one way. “But…it’s okay if you want to stop.”

It was not the first time Solas stopped and pulled back after stealing her breath and all thoughts with his kisses and touches. She didn’t understand why, and it was not that Lavellan wanted to press him for sex, not at all, but she could feel he wanted her too, and she didn’t know why he always stopped. He never said anything and she wasn’t sure how to ask without seeming pushy.

“Want is not the word I’d use,” Solas murmured, pulling further away from her and sitting up. Lavellan reached for his hand, afraid he might actually leave.

“Then?” She asked but Solas said nothing. “You can tell me…” She whispered.

Solas looked away from her. His eyes were sad, she’d noticed it before sometimes, and she didn’t like it. She didn’t know what was the cause of that sadness in him, and she wouldn’t push him to tell her, no matter how much she wanted to know. She could just hope one day he’d tell her.

“You’re right, we should rest.” She told him softly.

Lavellan blew the candles at the bedside table, still holding Solas’ hand, and got comfortable on the pillows. She tugged at Solas’ hand gently so he’d lie down with her again. He seemed hesitant for a second, but soon he was curling up with her, his head pillowed on her chest.

Lavellan wrapped her arms around him, holding him to her, one of her hands caressing his head, and she placed a kiss on top of it.

“Goodnight, my love,” she whispered.

Solas didn’t say anything, but she felt him snuggling even closer to her.

*

NA:

I just need to write fluffy, sweet things for this two while hoping they'll have happines in Veilguard.

I debated for so long about writing smut in this, I kept going back and forth, but finally Solas decided for me somehow, I kept trying to write it and he'd stop it (I know he's fictional and I write it but...I can't explain the feeling), words wouldn't flow anymore...she here we are, I decided to end the fic like this.

I might write a smutty one (as Cassandra would say), because I keep having thoughts of Lavellan and Solas on his couch and his desk..., if anyone's interested, we'll see if Mr.Solas agrees to smut the next time.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you liked it, please let me know in a comment, and as always, reblogs are more than welcome.

I hope to write more Solavellan, if anyone would be interested in reading it, although writing Solas is incredibly intimidating. But if you have something you want to see writen, let me know.

Excuse my English, it’s not my first language.

[vultures-and-scavengers]

For that prompt list

❝  no,  i’m not okay.  nothing is okay.  it never is.  but that’s just how i function most days.  so i’ll be fine.  ❞

For any pairing you'd think fit!

I considered doing a platonic pairing, but I decided I was going to be predictable and basic instead, and go with the brainrot: Annette Trevelyan/Cullen Rutherford. Thank you so much for the ask from this prompt list! I had fun mulling this one over! :D

~~~

He should be grateful Annette cares enough to fret over his health, but really, Cullen just wants to snarl at her.

No, tea will not help. Yes, he's tried potions. They take the edge off but do little else, and he's already taken one. No, he hasn't eaten, and yes, that's because he can't.

Maker, he has no idea how she even knew to appear.

Annette at least thought to bring a bowl of conjured ice, and the cold numbs some of the pain arcing through his skull. That, he's grateful for.

Still.

"What do you want me to say?" he hisses, gratefulness completely nonexistent within his tone. "That I'll be alright? That'll be fine? I won't be-- and there's nothing you or anyone else can do."

She's completely unruffled by his temper, likely reading it as the outlet of pain that it is. Or, and this is more likely, he admits to himself, she's unbothered because they've said far worse to each other.

Void, he'd called her a naive coward who cared only for the lives of her fellow highborn.

In comparison, his temper now is downright friendly.

The pain he's accepted. The inability to get to his desk and get work done? Not so much. They'd been victorious at adamant, but the destruction of Jader two weeks ago had cut their celebrations short.

Cullen should be working. He should be at the war council aiding in organizing relief efforts. He should be deploying soldiers to contain the wretched red lyrium infested undead streaming out of the ruined city.

Instead he's in bed, unable to get up, the inquisitor having abandoned her own efforts to sit beside him.

The migraine is easier than the guilt.

"Jader is more important," he manages, when Annette says nothing in response to his temper. She remains placid, and the only hints of emotion he can decipher are concern and worry. Annette only wears her silver half mask in Orlais, but she doesn't need it to be unreadable.

It's damned frustrating sometimes.

She removes her hand from the bowl of ice sitting in her lap and presses the backs of her freezing fingers to his temple. Maker, it feels good. He almost misses her quiet words when she finally speaks

"Josephine and I have reached out to contact who we can, and have audited our finances to secure what funding we can for relief. Leliana still lacks solid reporting on the extent of the damage, and so we have enlisted the aid of our wardens in additional scouting. There is little more we can do from here at present. Should we rush in, we risk poisoning our own people and undermining our ability to save who we can."

She's right. He knows she's right. It still feels wrong, to know the city is gone and yet lie here. He should be there. Or he feels he should be there. The red lyrium choking the air and strangling the water supplies make any incursions dangerous.

It was wonderful, truly, how red lyrium kept getting worse.

Cullen sighs.

She hasn't said it outright-- that's not her way-- but he hears it all the same. Annette has no plans to leave him be. The cold radiating from her fingers makes him more amenable to the idea. Slightly.

But something curdles in his gut at appearing so weakened before her. He's her commander. He should be stronger than this. Before Adamant, he might have said it was only his professional pride at stake.

He's not so sure now.

He shoves the feelings he refuses to name away.

She certainly won't return them, and they have larger issues to deal with. The loss of Jader, one of Celene's strongholds, had inspired Gaspard to march his troops into the Exalted Plains in an attempt to seize the Citadelle du Corbeau.

Because they'd needed the civil war to get even bloodier, of course.

It's tactically sound. Celene has to pivot to deal with refugees, and the loss of financial and martial backers, and if the Citadelle is seized, Gaspard can control trade up and down the river, further putting Orlais under his power.

It's a damning choice, though.

There are Orlesian refugees now fleeing to Ferelden, where the fighting in the hinterlands has already strained the throne and its resources. People needed aid and Gaspard saw only a chance at power.

Fucking nobles.

He shouldn't sympathize with the Freemen of the Dales, not openly, but damn it all if he doesn't understand them.

His headache intensifies. He turns his head slightly, pushing harder against her hand, greedily trying to reclaim the now-fading sensation. Annette shifts a little closer, the headboard creaking slightly where she leans against it, and she rolls an ice cube in her other hand.

Cullen knows, in a distantly factual sort of way, that she raised her younger siblings after the death of her own mother. It's a little less distant now, given the way she's currently fussing over his health. He can easily imagine her with a young child.

Perhaps too easily.

He returns to a safer subject, one less unsettling and easier to discuss.

"It's not always this bad-- the lyrium, I mean," he says. "I can live with it."

Her eyes narrow just a hair, almost imperceptible, but he's been learning how to read the subtleties that make up her expressions, and he catches it. She wants to push back and try to fix this, and he sees the moment she accepts she can't.

Annette's head drops slightly, her eyes skittering away from him to traverse the room around them. "If you require solitude, I can grant that," she says, and for the first time, she looks uncertain.

Well, she looks calm, actually.

But he can see her hesitation underneath the mask she presents. Cullen mirrors it, because five minutes prior, he'd wanted her to leave, but now he second-guesses. Especially if she takes the ice with her. He doesn't think she will, but he tells himself the loss of the ice isn't something he can risk.

"Stay."

[sapphim]

btw also, I've said this before, but prosecuting a tevinter magister in a kangaroo court show trial for thought crimes in a hypothetical future timeline is sooooooooo much!! is it worse than some jumped up backwoods cult in the mountains putting a grand duchess of orlais on trial? debatably! florianne did at least actually do the things we're mad at her about (god forbid women do anything) but also orlais are ostensibly our allies and they're literally right next door. they should have kicked our ass into next year for the audacity. sent us right back to that apocalyptic future we soooo totally saw for realsies we swearrr~~

[daitranscripts]

Sera Cutscene: Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts

Should Have Used Bees

Sera Masterpost Related Quest: Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts

The PC walks up to Sera’s room in the Herald’s Rest. As they approach, the sound of arrows can be heard.

Sera: One for the empress. For Gaspard. Briala. The duchess.

Another arrow pierces the door before the PC enters.

Sera: And Coryphefuss, right in the dangle-bag!

Dialogue options:

General: What’s wrong? [1]

General: Remind me not to get you mad. [2]

General: You think they’re the same? [3]

1 - General: What’s wrong? PC: All right, you’re clearly annoyed. What can I do? Sera (high approval): You’re doing fine. It’s the dead piled up in Halamshiral that’s nagging at me. Sera (low approval): Don’t bother. Got enough pissing me off with all the bodies from Halamshiral. [4]

2 - General: Remind me not to get you mad. PC: Well, remind me to stay on your good side. Sera (high approval): Don’t worry, you’re sparkling compared to that lot. Sera (low approval): Pfft, like you’d listen. It’s not you, it’s the pile of dead in Halamshiral. [4]

3 - General: You think they’re the same? PC: You think all those people should be treated the same? Sera: After Halamshiral? Kind of. They all get little people killed and don’t care. [4]

4 - Scene continues.

Sera: A cook here, a footman there. What’s it matter, right, so long as there’s a butt for the throne?

Sera (Briala rules with Gaspard): A skinny elven puppet arse at that. Wonder how long before she forgets her “poor elves.” Sera (Gaspard rules): And a total arse, too. I thought Gaspard was tired of that Game, but he settled in real easy. Sera (Celene rules): A pretty one, sure. But how many lives are worth one empress’s arse?

Sera: Ugh, that place. Should have just thrown in some bees and slammed the doors.

Choice dependent dialogue:

Non-romance [5]

Romance route[6]

5 - Non-romance:

Dialogue options:

General: We made important decisions. [7]

General: Earwigs. That’d stop a ball. [8] + Sera slightly approves

General: That wouldn’t have helped. [9]

7 - General: We made important decisions. PC: We decided the course of a nation. I think it was worthwhile. Sera: Right, Orlais will never be the same. Except for everything they say and do. Ugh. You know the most important thing I got out of all that mess? The one thing? Don’t sleep with empresses. That’s what that was all about. [10]

8 - General: Earwigs. That’d stop a ball. PC: I don’t know. You want to stop a party, I think you go earwigs. Sera: (Laughing.) Eww, I hate those things, with their little pinchy butts! Josephine should add that to her paper threats! You know the real lesson from all this? Never sleep with an empress. [10]

9 - General: That wouldn’t have helped. PC: And that would accomplish what, exactly? Sera: Stinging around the face and neck? Can’t assassinate empresses if your eyes swell shut? I don’t know. I’m just trying to get this junk out of my head. These people, they’re the worst. Ugh. You know the most important thing I got out of all that mess? The one thing? Don’t sleep with empresses. That’s what that was all about. [10]

10 - Scene continues.

Sera (Briala and Celene reconciled): We patched their spat, Briala and the Celene. But without their breakup, none of it would have happened like that. [Typo??? It’s in the files like this lol] Sera (Briala and Celene not reconciled): That and Briala being an idiot. The whole thing would’ve gone different if that little piss-up wasn’t in the middle.

Dialogue options:

General: It’s not that simple. [11] - Sera disapproves

General (Celene rules): The empress was right. [12] - Sera disapproves

General (Gaspard Rules alone): Gaspard put an end to that. [13] - Sera disapproves

General (Briala rules with Gaspard): But Briala is in charge now. [14] - Sera disapproves

General: Their mistakes made it worse. [15] + Sera approves

11 - General: It’s not that simple. PC: There was a lot more going on than a lovers’ spat. Sera: Oh, sure. PC: There was. Sera: Because of the hole in the sky? Pfft. Plenty of idiots around before, and there’ll be plenty of idiots around after. Better save some arrows, yeah? Scene ends.

12 - General: The empress was right. PC: I think Celene did the right thing for Orlais. Sera: Right, because that was all the plan and not dumb luck. Dumb luck named you. Watch out, yeah? The hole in the sky didn’t start their war. Stupid people did that. Still going to be plenty of those after Corypheuns is dead. Scene ends.

13 - General: Gaspard put an end to that. PC: It’s over with Gaspard in charge. Sera: Right, because that was all the plan and not dumb luck. Dumb luck named you. Watch out, yeah? The hole in the sky didn’t start their war. Stupid people did that. Still going to be plenty of those after Corypheuns is dead. Scene ends.

14 - General: But Briala is in charge now. PC: You don’t think much of her, but Briala came out ahead. Sera: Right, because that was all the plan and not dumb luck. Dumb luck named you. Watch out, yeah? The hole in the sky didn’t start their war. Stupid people did that. Still going to be plenty of those after Corypheuns is dead. Scene ends.

15 - General: Their mistakes made it worse. PC: That was a mistake on their part. It made everything worse. Sera: Wrong way around, Inquisitor. It started worse. Lots of people died before there was a hole in the sky. That’s who you’re saving. If you get a chance, maybe remind them not to be idiots. Scene ends.

6 - Romance route

Dialogue options:

General: We made important decisions. [16]

General: Earwigs. That’d stop a ball. [17] + Sera slightly approves

General: That wouldn’t have helped. [18]

16 - General: We made important decisions. PC: We decided the course of a nation. I think it was worthwhile. Sera: Right, Orlais will never be the same. Except for everything they say and do. [23]

17 - General: Earwigs. That’d stop a ball. PC: I don’t know. You want to stop a party, I think you go earwigs. Sera: (Laughing.) Eww, I hate those things, with their little pinchy butts! “Concessions, or we unleash the earwigs!” Heh. Pinchy butts. Well, that was stupid. Want to go roll around until I feel better?

Dialogue options:

General: Yes. Yes, I do. [19] + Sera approves

General: You’re trying to distract me. [20]

19 - General: Yes. Yes, I do. PC: Why are we even still talking? Sera: Good question. Shut it. Scene ends. 20 - General: You’re trying to distract me. PC: That was quick, even for you. What’s going on? Sera: What? Can’t do anything else until we shove an arrow up Coryphenus. Figured I’d keep you close. Dialogue options: - General: About time you asked. [21] + Sera approves - General: Why? [22] + Sera slightly approves 21 - About time you asked. PC: I was wondering when you’d finally ask. Sera: Can’t rush all these feelings. Have to work it out. She makes a face. Sera: All right, done. Scene ends. 22 - Why? PC: It’s just a really sudden shift. Why? Sera: Because the real lesson out of this is never sleep with someone powerful and then end up like Briala. It’s real easy to get from power to stupid. You have the first part covered. I’m watching out for the second. So, you know, try not to be an idiot. They kiss. Scene ends.

18 - General: That wouldn’t have helped. PC: And that would accomplish what, exactly? Sera: Stinging around the face and neck? Can’t assassinate empresses if your eyes swell shut? I don’t know. I’m just trying to get this junk out of my head. These people, they’re the worst. [23]

23 - Choice-dependent dialogue:

Sera not brought to Halamshiral [24]

Sera brought, not danced [25]

Sera brought, danced [26]

24 - Sera not brought to Halamshiral Sera: Ugh, this isn’t working. You didn’t mope like this on the balcony, did you? Rather do pretty much anything. You want to go do anything for a while?

Dialogue options:

General: About time you asked. [27] + Sera approves

General: Why change tone so fast? [28] + Sera slightly approves

27 - General: About time you asked. PC: I was wondering when you’d finally ask. Sera: Can’t rush all these feelings. Have to work it out. She makes a face. S era: All right, done. Scene ends.

28 - General: Why change tone so fast? PC: It’s just a really sudden shift. Why? Sera: Because the real lesson out of this is never sleep with someone powerful and then end up like Briala. It’s real easy to get from power to stupid. You have the first part covered. I’m watching out for the second. So, you know, try not to be an idiot. They kiss. Scene ends.

25 - Sera brought, not danced Sera: The only fun bit was with you, after. I forget how much you drank.

Dialogue options:

General: Less than you think. [29]

General: I lost count. [30]

General: Don’t change the subject. [33]

29 - General: Less than you think. PC: I had less than you tried to pour, I’ll say that. Sera: Hey, no one was charging. ’Tender was probably dead or something. You tired of talking? I’m tired of talking. [33]

30 - General: I lost count. PC: It’s a little hard to remember. Sera: In a good way, right? Because I think so. You tired of talking? I’m tired of talking. Want to do something about that? [33]

26 - Sera brought, danced Sera: Ugh. You know the most important thing I got out of all that mess? The one thing? You can’t dance.

Dialogue options:

General: For you, I do it anyway. [31]

General: No, Sera, you can’t follow. [32]

General: Don’t change the subject. [33]

31 - General: For you, I do it anyway. PC: Maybe not, but for you, I try. Sera: Aww, that’s so twee. (Mock gagging.) But thanks. That part was fun. You want to roll around for a bit? [34]

32 - General: No, Sera, you can’t follow. PC: You’re the one who doesn’t know how to follow a good lead. Sera: Oh, “leading and following.” Save it for a fancy who thinks wines taste different. You tired of talking? I’m tired of talking. Want to do something about that? [34]

33 - General: Don’t change the subject. PC: Stay focused, Sera. You can’t jump around like this. Sera: Too late yeah? Thinking about your arse. Want to do something about it? [34]

34 - Dialogue options:

General: About time you asked. [35] + Sera approves

General (After “don’t change the subject): I’m angry, but yes. [36] + Sera approves

General: Why change tone so fast? [37] + Sera slightly approves

35 - General: About time you asked. PC: I was wondering when you’d finally ask. Sera: Can’t rush all these feelings. Have to work it out. She makes a face. Sera: All right, done. Scene ends.

36: General: I’m angry, but yes. PC: Yes, but this is my angry face. Sera: Still pretty. Come here. Scene ends.

37 - General: Why change tone so fast? PC: It’s just a really sudden shift. Why? Sera: Because the real lesson out of this is never sleep with someone powerful and then end up like Briala. It’s real easy to get from power to stupid. You have the first part covered. I’m watching out for the second. So, you know, try not to be an idiot. They kiss. Scene ends.

[hurlumerlu]

Extending the same level of courtesy: 9, 12 and 22 for dragon age

Sorry about the delay, I started to think about my answers and promptly went insane. Then the trailers for DA4 droped and despite having 150 grievances and 236 fears - or maybe because -I went insane some more. I did get a few somewhat coherent thoughts out, though !

9. worst part of canon

So I typed like half a LibreOffice page on why the way Inquisition deals with the mage/templar conflict was an incredible example of setting things up for almost no payoff, and then I went on a tangent about my frustrations with how Orlais in general is written, and then half another LibreOffice page on the fact that so much of canon is in supplementary material and how that does negatively impact my enjoyement of the games, with a long parenthesis on how Alistair being a half-elf makes the lore actively worse, all the while taking numerous breaks because I was not being normal about all of this and I wanted to be normal about all this, but clearly I cannot be normal, about any of this. Anyway, worst part of canon is still the use of the term Tranquil Solution in DA2. Pretty sure we already talked about that but it's just. It's so bad. Why.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

Well, as you pointed out this fandom is big enough and discoursey enough for pretty much all characters to have their ardant defensers - which is actually a good thing I think. I also think that the nature of the games necessarily means that a playthrough can never cover every aspect of a character and that you might easily miss an interaction that could nuance or improve your opinion of them. Vivienne is kind, warm and extremely straightforward with her goals if you take the time to befriend her. I didn't like Blackwall in my first playthrough, and never brought him anywhere, but his romance turned out to be my favourite of all Inquisition. It's pretty obvious Fenris and Sebastian don't fear all mages if you have Bethany in your party. If you don't blame Aveline for your mother's death, she gives you a speech on grief that I personaly find deeply touching. Sten often approves having his views challenged. Oghren is not just a walking crude joke, if you try to view his character with just a bit more grace, etc. So rather than pick one character people should like more I'll just say that if someone ever replays the games, they should try to put aside everything that annoyed them about whichever character they dislike the most and spend some time interracting with them with fresh eyes. It's often worth it. (I did write a love letter to Aveline, though)

22. your favorite par of canon that everyone else ignores

DWARVEN SOCIETIES. okay, i'm exagerating a bit. Idk that it's my absolute favrite part, and I know the dwarven lore is enjoyed by at least 20 people worldwide. But the fandom as a whole does not seem to care about the dwarves, except to ask if Varric is fuckable (no judgement, I get it). But there is so much there! Their rigid cast system and conservatism that are fucking everyone up, their disconect from the fade/lack of dream (and yet they can be made to dream, as shown by a dwarven warden or inquisitor), how that helps them handling lyrium but only to a point, their especially high resistance to the taint because of their proximity with the Darkspawn, their proximity with the Darkspawn, THE LEGION OF THE DEAD, the paragons and the Stone, the Titans, Sandal? And surface dwarves are also deeply compelling. Cut from their roots, otherized by what everyone else around them insist on calling "their people". When Varric tells a story of his brother blowing up at him for breaking a plate and ends with something like "that plate was the whole city of Orzammar to him", does that get to no one else? just me?

Chose violence ask game (I did not particularly chose violence)

[mako-designated-driver]

Codex Entry #77: How to Act Fereldan

My esteemed Lady Sidonia,

I'd like to take full responsibility for Lady Marchellette's odd behavior of late. You see, we recently began the study of history. I thought that it would do the young mistress some good to be exposed to all Thedosian cultures and not just Orlais. It was a foolish thought.

Regrettably, your dear daughter has taken a particular interest in Fereldan folklore. She first developed an affinity for King Calenhad, which seems to have devolved into borderline infatuation. She stared at me, eyes wide, when I told how he unified the barbarians with his allegedly incomparable might and charisma. Every time I tried to move the lesson on to something more important, she insisted I tell her again about Calenhad: how the Fereldans say his hair was twice as yellow as the sun, and his chin more chiseled than the tallest peak in the Frostbacks. Twice now, I've had to tear down drawings she's tacked up in her bedroom of the man shirtless.

Then we moved on to the werewolves, which was even worse. As you may already know, the Fereldans venerate the folk heroes Dane and Hafter. Dane was said to have been a werewolf, and Hafter to have descended from one. No enlightened man or woman could ever view such beast people with anything but revulsion. But you know Fereldans and their love of wildlife. Unfortunately, these tales of the wolf men set the little mistress's imagination afire. When she suggested we put on a play for you and her lord father, I could not say no. I'm afraid that's why Marchellette was running through the mansion, wearing wet furs and frightening the chambermaids. She was rehearsing a scene in which Hafter drives back the darkspawn. I've been informed that some priceless family heirlooms were destroyed amidst all that confusion, and I cannot fully express my dismay.

I understand if my abject failure as a tutor results in my immediate dismissal.

—A letter from Brother Bernard to his former employer

[green-ray-blog1]

To Redcliffe

Darrian tells Sten he’ll look for his sword, it sounds really important if he ever wants to go back home. Turns out the family killing thing was true, and Sten’s… ashamed of it, guilty. It’s hard to imagine someone like him panicking.

Leliana’s starting to explain what bards actually do in Orlais (sounds like a wild place, but she mostly talks about the nobles). Looks like she’s left a lot behind her, when she came to Ferelden. That seems to the case for most of us, out here, with various degrees of choice in the matter. She knows a bunch of stories, though, which is interesting.

Zevran’s… so polite and chatty and fun, and then he hits you with how he gets high on the moment when his victims die. Bro, you realize how that sounds, right ? Is that better or worse than Duncan stabbing Jory like he’s making lamb and pea stew ? At least, Danyla was, you know, in tremendous pain, and literally begging to be ended, it’s- it’s completely different !

Wynne’s a welcome change to the pack of weirdos. She seems really reasonable, if kinda preachy. What she says about the Circle doesn’t make it that much better than what Darrian saw, back in the Tower, yet she has a pretty serene attitude towards it, hmm. She and Alistair are getting along pretty well.

Speaking of, As we get to Redcliffe, Alistair lays a big one on us. So you’re Cailan’s half brother, no kidding ! He’s so embarrassed to not have mentioned it before, hah, no wonder he was so cagey and stuff. Well let’s hope that takes a weight off his shoulders. Darrian hadn’t put too much thought into this whole Eamon deal (so that’s Alistair’s uncle, huh), but back in Lothering, there were knights in the chantry who were on a quest for nothing less than the Urn of Sacred Ashes in order to save the arl who’s apparently ill. It almost sounded like someone was setting them up for a prank. Do human nobles just… send their knights for the Urn whenever they have the gout or something ? How much of it is desperation, and how much is conceit ?

Anyway, as usual, nobody has time for us, we gets thrown at “Teagan”, Eamon’s brother for details. Redcliffe village is attacked every night by undead pouring from the castle. They’re all over the place and need help or they won’t make it. Looks like we have no choice.

[runespoor7]

After that, we go to Denerim - there could be info there - and Daphnis learns that the alienage was purged and is now locked.

This is because she went to the Circle rather than here, isn't it? The Circle was at risk of Annulment, and she saved them, if she'd come here instead, first place, could she have saved the alienage instead? (is her mother alive, is her sister alive, her cousins) She didn't know there was a choice, but it feels like there was a choice.

So she's not feeling great about it!

There is unfortunately nothing to do about it at this point, plus walking past the Chantry gets a worrying recitation of the verses about maleficarum thrown at her, so time to get out. She has to believe her family's fine.

Then there's an assassination attempt and she meets, hum. look. there are reasons Zevran should live and come with them, okay! you don't understand, Alistair!

But before reaching camp let's have a discussion with Leliana stops right then and there, because here's a list of what Leliana knows:

- that Cullen has been tortured and has been starved and not given water

- what the Antiva Crows are. Daphnis wanted to know what Zevran would say, she knows what the Crows are, what she did not expect was Leliana to pitch in with a detailed answer.

so... what gives? who were you before you joined the Chantry, Leliana? "a traveling minstrel~" hmm yeah okay traveling minstrel may have been the guide under which you traveled but you ma'am were not just a traveling minstrel. does Orlais have super secret murderer-torture Crow-equivalent.

at camp there's some more talk with Zevran, giggle giggle. Daphnis doesn't hate flirting with Zevran! he's charming and flattering. giggle giggle.

Romance initiated through Zevran saying that there's worse than looking at a beautiful woman, Daphnis going "oh, are you saying I'm beautiful?", Zevran saying that yes, does she mind?

Daphnis: *who would twirl a lock of hair if her hair wasn't pulled, and who instead ducks her head with a smile and warm cheeks* "no, not at all!" giggle giggle

And oh, the discussion about not being to go home again, and how something horrible can become home, and then you miss it? Those hit home.

A couple conversations with Sten were also had, with Daphnis thinking she couldn't possibly have made a good impression, yet ending with Sten at the person who approves the most of her. (I like Sten and thus Daphnis also likes him, even though she doesn't really get him. But he likes discussing about things, and trying to understand what he doesn't understand. Even if they end up equally confused, it's nice!)

Daphnis also likes Alistair, he's very easy to talk to. And she likes his sense of humor. And she likes that he follows her. (I have lots of thoughts about that btw, both Doylist and Watsonian)

After which Levi Dryden walks into the camp!

[silvanils]

happy dadwc friday!! sending you 26) the harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun

@dadrunkwriting

This one had major Dorian x Ash vibes for me, and I HAD to use it for the Trespasser angst I was filled with after FINALLY pushing through that ordeal with Ash and friends. AAAH.

Rating: M (mature themes and language, no explicit smut)

Length: 830 words

Content Warnings: Trespasser-events are their own warning, right? (Ash believes he is dying throughout most of this fic.)

The harder the rain…

.

The two months Dorian spent in Tevinter felt like far too long even before he spied Ash lurking in the shadows of a veranda behind Duke Cyril de Montfort — but despite the way his heart skipped as he locked eyes with his amatus, he couldn’t shake the feeling that dark, heavy clouds were crowding in where there should have only been sun.

He’d learned of his father’s death only a few hours ago, and suddenly what should have been a happy reunion was to be cut short: a brief, bittersweet holiday, no more.

“Two months away, and this is how you greet me?” Ash asked, and despite how caught up in his own premature grief Dorian still was, he could see the cracks in Ash’s smile, feel the stiffness in his posture as they kissed.

“I missed you,” Ash breathed, and Dorian’s heart clenched up.

He couldn’t tell him, not yet.

.

Not yet.

.

But then Varric spilled the news instead, and Dorian found himself on the receiving end of Ash’s rare temper. “You weren’t going to tell me this? Or discuss it with me first?”

“This wasn’t how I intended to tell you,” Dorian sighed. “Frankly, I’ve been dreading this conversation, but… here it is. My father is dead. Assassinated, I believe.”

It all just spilled out after that. He couldn’t stop it, even though he could see how each word darkened the shadows in Ash’s eyes. He looked so… pained, his amatus. “I have to go back.”

“I know it was complicated, but… I’m sorry,” Ash said, using the tone he usually reserved for diplomatic meetings. Somehow, that was worse than the anger Ash had shown before.

“It still doesn’t feel real,” Dorian said. He watched Ash press his hands together, trace his fingers across the mark hidden they both knew lay hidden beneath his supple glove.

“None of this does,” Ash sighed. “So… is this it, then? For us?”

“Nonsense,” Dorian scoffed. “There will always be an us.”

.

Always.

.

As they fought their way through the Eluvians, though, Dorian… began to worry more. Especially when the magics in the shattered library did something that made Ash double over and yell in pain.

He’d never heard Ash make a noise like that before. Never.

But it happened again, while Dorian was eavesdropping on the talk Ash was having with his advisers… and the next thing Ash said chilled him to his very core.

“Shit! Damn it! We save Ferelden, and they’re angry! We save Orlais, and they’re angry! We close the breach twice… and now my own hand wants to kill me! Could one thing in this fucking world just… stay fixed?”

“Ash…”

“I… I thought it was fine. The mark’s been under control for years. All the demons I fought, all the rifts I closed…”

.

I don’t want to die.

.

“Why didn’t you say something?” Dorian found himself asking, as he followed Ash through the mirrors one last time. “I could have…”

“Vhenan,” Ash said, cutting him off. “I wouldn’t trade the years we’ve had for anything. I love you.”

"I knew you would break my heart, you bloody bastard."

The way Ash fought now was so different from his usual grace. He wasn’t even trying to avoid taking hits as he threw himself ahead of their little group — acting as a shield, staying far enough away that the flare ups from the anchor wouldn’t hurt them, too.

Too late for that, Dorian thought, fumbling his next attack as Ash screamed again and green light sparked across the ruin.

.

Too late.

.

There were a few horrible moments after Ash went through the final mirror where the glass went dark and no one could follow him… and even when it did let them through, finding Ash crumpled in the center of a group of petrified Qunari was no less terrifying.

Is this it? Dorian thought, kneeling down beside him. But then he heard Ash inhale sharply and groan, and relief flooded through him.

“I’m… alive,” Ash said, through clenched teeth. “Solas… took my arm, but… it still hurts.”

“Well, shit,” Varric said, which summed up what Dorian was thinking. There was hardly any blood, at least, but it was still uncanny to see what was left.

Then Ash tugged Dorian down to kiss him with a kind of desperate passion they usually shared only behind closed doors. “I’m alive,” he repeated, after, pressing their foreheads together. “We can figure out the rest, ma vhenan.”

.

Ar lath ma.

.

Part of the ‘later’ did involve one night in a wyvern-down bed, courtesy of Josephine’s connections. Even with the Inquisition disbanded, shadows of their influence remained.

But Dorian was just as content to wake up beside his amatus a few years later in a bed that somehow felt just as comfortable… and even more cozy, because it was Ash's home: with plenty of soft blankets, intricately carved wood, and paintings on every wall.

.

…the sweeter the sun.

[thedragonagelesbian]

assorted morning dru thoughts

(a) i think i have to say that she and morrigan have been on pause since leaving denerim/the disastrous love conversation; they made up a little bit during the sacred ashes quest talking about how silly the whole thing is, but dru immediately pumped the brakes again when the trian shit happened. they’ll move forward again after dru gives her the mirror (probably before leaving orzammar again tbh)

BUT

they cannot be together at the beginning of a paragon of her kind. because, completely irrespective of approval rating, there is no companion less well-equipped to help dru deal with their family shit than morrigan. even if morrigan could set aside her innate callousness & disregard for sentimentality long enough to try to be helpful, it would take the form of “why are you so sad about this why aren’t we just trying to kill your brother do you want me to kill your brother for you i literally asked you to kill my mom and its/im fine???” and that. is not what dru needs to hear right now.

(b) thinking about companion reactions to the start of this quest, it has really hit me for the first time that all these assholes are (effectively) single children. i don’t think any of them really get what dru is going through here because like... fuck. sibling relationships are something fucking else.

at the same time, i think leliana and zevran come the closest to understanding it, as two people who had been on either side of the (found) family betrayee/betrayer dynamic. before entering the deep roads, the rogue squad spends a lot of time getting drunk, emotionally supporting one another, and running interference between dru and morrigan

(c) leliana takes morrigan & dru’s temporary break-up harder than literally anyone else. this woman loves love and has been SO bereft of gossip and intrigue since she left orlais. she needs them to get back together immediately.

(d) morrigan has it SO BAD for dru at this point so it really hurts to see them so cut up about this, but morrigan is still learning how to engage with those emotions instead of repressing them or dismissing them as stupid (or, worse, projecting her own frustration with her sentimentality on to dru). we’ll give her some time to work on herself while dru goes to find branka, and maybe when she comes back, they’ll finally be ready for each other.

[crossdressingdeath]

#i have never thought the concept of Circles was all bad but it is executed in the worst possible ways#why not have mages live outside their circle towers#why do you think children torn from their families would do well at a harrowing#if circles were run by mages and templars training was focused on dampening instead of neutralizing#and if harrowings occured when mages were older and better adjusted#i don't think Circles would really be so bad#i get the desire to have a national mandate on cultivating magic#but if magic were accepted and cherished by the Chantry instead of feared and hated#i think Circles could be beneficial#but fuck the Chantry for being such ignorant dicks about magic#i think mages have deeper spiritual connections than any Chantry sister#their spiritual connections are something to admire and seek wisdom from#stupid Chantry fuckwads (tags via @finding-a-way-back-to-then)

...Okay. I think what's happening here is a fundamental misunderstanding of what the Circles... are. I think you're thinking of them as some sort of boarding school for mages? Which they are not. They were never supposed to be. They're prisons. They're a place to lock up children for the "crime" of being born with magic, and mages are taught just enough that they don't accidentally blow up the building and are too scared to do it on purpose. The only thing even vaguely making the Circles schools is Chantry propaganda claiming they are. It's not "a national mandate to nurture magic", it's "let's lock all the mages up, make them hate themselves, and only let them out when the Orlesians (or maybe other countries as long as they're not fighting Orlais) ask nicely for some walking nukes to die for them".

But just for fun, let's look at the Circles as boarding schools. Mandatory religious boarding schools that steal children belonging to a minority group for indoctrination by a dominant religion, which... hm, fucking nope, that concept sets off so many alarm bells you could make a whole bell tower out of them and then some. I'm not going to go into real life connections here (they do exist and are horrific, but I don't want to get into it on a fandom post), but yikes is all I can say to the suggestion that any organization that does that could ever be anything but monstrous, much less not so bad. But you say the Circles would be fine if it wasn't for the whole "child-stealing" part, so let's look at that. The mere concept of forcing a mage to fight a demon to "prove" they can't be possessed despite the Harrowing not actually proving jack shit because possession is extremely context sensitive? Terrible. The Harrowing isn't a fucking test, because you cannot test for "risk of possession". We see apprentices handle tense standoffs with demons without getting possessed and we see Harrowed mages get possessed both willingly and by force, it proves nothing, and having a test where you are murdered if you fail is horrific to begin with even if it did prove anything. The fact that they throw children into it unprepared is only one of the many, many ways that the Harrowing is fucked up to the core, literally no aspect of it should ever have existed.

Having fantasy cops—kept on a tight leash by the fantasy Catholic church via fantasy drugs—stationed in the building with the authority to kill these children if they see fit based solely on whether they claim to see a danger? Even worse! The issue with the Templars isn't that they have the power to shut down magic, it's that they have the unquestionable authority to do whatever they want to the mages under their control with no repercussions. They shouldn't be there at all. The existence of Templars is not something that a society that actually wanted mages would ever tolerate. Having people who can counter magic is logical (even if Templars are utterly, hilariously pants at it, seriously, name one time in these games the Templars actually accomplish jack shit against skilled and prepared mages, a single well-trained mage is better than a dozen Templars at handling enemy mages) since there will be mages wanting to do things that need to be prevented, having a religious army that exists solely to capture, guard, torture and murder people for having magic is just deeply fucked up.

As for that "deeper spiritual connections" bit... okay, you do realize that a lot of the mage kids the Chantry steals for the Circle would be spiritual and religious leaders in their own cultures, yes? The Dalish, the Avaar, the Rivaini, the Nevarrans, the Tevinter Chantry, probably others that I can't remember offhand, all of them have mages holding important positions within their cultures and their religions. The Circles take that from them. The Circles are not mage boarding schools that happen to be Andrastian, one of their goals is religious indoctrination. They've attempted to steal entire generations of children who would've been religious leaders if they'd been allowed to remain with their families and in their own communities, that's part of the fucking point. That's one of the reasons why the Circles could never be a good thing: one of the reasons why they exist is to force young mages into Andrastianism, whether they are or want to be Andrastian or not.

So... yeah, no. There is nothing that could be done that would make the Circles at all salvageable. Even the locations of the Circles are unsalvageable! The Veil has been worn so thin by the constant blood magic (phylacteries; side note, another horrible thing that can't be fixed, stealing children's blood so they can literally never escape the Circle) and demon summoning (Harrowings) that no one is fully safe there, let alone mages. It's only the fact that the Chantry overstates the risk of possession to a ridiculous degree that's allowed for there to only be two known and provable mass possessions in a Circle in their whole history (mind you, a thing that wouldn't have ever happened if the Circles didn't force large numbers of mages into one space and then terrorize them). And that's without even getting into the why the fuck is the Chantry getting the final say when almost every other culture in Thedas that we interact with prefers to keep their mages free and often in a position of authority question; setting aside the dwarfs (who aren't part of the issue since they don't have mages), of all the religions in Thedas we see it's only the Southern Chantry and the Qun that take any issue with mages. Same thing with cultural groups outside of religions; it's only places with a culture heavily influenced by the Southern Chantry that are against mages being free. The Circles shouldn't exist not just because they're horrific institutions that exist to indoctrinate and murder young mages who were stolen from their families but because the Chantry should not have the power to decide that all mages should be Andrastian and conform to Andrastian ideas of what mages should be.

Sometimes I remember that if you play Surana or Amell in Origins the origin (hehe) of the conflict that ultimately leads to the death of the Archdemon is... the First Enchanter of one of the most "liberally run" Circles in southern Thedas leaving out a bunch of books on blood magic with the explicit hope that young apprentices will pick them up and become blood mages so that they can be handed over to the Templars as maleficars. With your best friend falling for this trick explicitly because he's terrified that the Circle is going to magically lobotomize him against his will just because he's not particularly good at magic so he feels his only hope is to run away whatever the cost. That's the starting point for your character. And again, Kinloch Hold is supposed to be one of the most liberally run Circles. This is one of the good Circles. And then in Awakening we learn that Anders was kept in solitary confinement for a year just because he wanted to live outside the Circle, and you can comment that he's lucky they didn't just kill him outright. And I know I've said this twice already this post, but this is supposed to be a good Circle. This is nice. The mages at places like the Gallows would probably kill to be at Kinloch Hold. And your introduction to it is first you, a young adult (or possibly in your late teens; you are mentioned to be young for a Harrowing, and Harrowings generally seem to be done when the mage is quite young to begin with), being thrown to demons without warning as a standard test, and then when you wake up you learn that your best and possibly only friend is likely to be magically lobotomized for not being great at magic unless you help him escape. And between those things and during the latter you'll hear about fun things like apprentices disappearing into thin air (with no one questioning it because it's that normal) and the Templars watching the female apprentices bathe! And when you return it's to find out that when things went tits up the Templars, who are supposedly there for your protection, locked every surviving mage in Kinloch Hold in the demon infested part of the tower and are waiting for permission to murder everyone inside down to the youngest child. Ten bucks says that the Templars also in there would've been allowed to live.

I think it hits a lot harder just because you don't learn that Kinloch Hold is considered a liberal Circle until after it leaves the series, apparently for good, with the Templars planning to hang out outside the door until they get legal cover for murdering everyone inside. Like, you see all that and then after that you learn that that? That was the best a Circle mage could hope for. Just a few life-threatening tests you're not allowed to prepare for. Just a bit of entrapment by the person who's supposed to stand between you and the Templars. Only rumours that the Templars will watch you while you bathe rather than confirmed fact. And only a small chance that they'll murder you the moment they're given the opportunity. That's a good life for a Circle mage.

And then in DAI they genuinely expected us to buy that actually the Circles weren't that bad and the Circle mages are just so whiny for not knowing how to survive outside the cage they've been trapped in their whole lives and also wanting to kill a lot of their jailors. It's like the writers forgot that we've seen that even the best the Circles offered was still absolutely fucking horrific. And that that was a lot of players' first introduction to the series.

[fatale-distraction]

FRIDAYYYYY!! How about some horror! "(Returning) Smell of a place long abandoned" from the Eerie Vague prompts autumn edition — for Fenris x Inquisitor post-Trespasser please!

Oooh this is such a good one!

Here’s some Certified Pain for @dadrunkwriting

Spoilers for The Callback from Tevinter Nights. You can read a summary here!

***

They shouldn’t have come here.

Both Orlais and Ferelden had decided to eject the Inquisition from Skyhold, leaving it abandoned and worse than useless, in spite of everything she’d done, personally, for both Empress Celene and King Alistair. Ellana contemplated vile thoughts both fair and violently unfair against both of them as she picked her careful way through the rubble-strewn tunnel. Her boots slid and slipped on mud and loose gravel, right hand pressed to the cold, sweating stone wall, her prosthetic clutching a flickering torch and held aloft. Her shoulders still felt atrophied and weak, a tremor running through the remains of her left arm adding to the eerie leap of shadows against the dripping walls.

Ahead of her, Fenris came to a stop, pressing a hand to a large stone slab blocking their way.

“This is it.” His green eyes glinted in the dim light as he turned slightly toward her. “Sutherland said we should be able to access the keep through here.”

“Can you move it?” Ellana crept closer. It looked far too heavy for a single person to move on their own, but she’d been assured they wouldn’t have trouble.

Fenris braced himself and angled his shoulder against one side of the massive rock, then gave it a hard shove. Another, and this time it budged. A few more grunting heaves and he’d moved it enough for the two elves to slip into a cramped space only big enough for themselves and a rickety ladder leading up.

“Oh…” They emerged from the tunnel directly into the throne room. Fenris helped her the rest of the way up the ladder, and began to unhook the torch from her prosthetic as she took in their surroundings. Her old seat of power had been hacked to pieces, splinters of wood scattered across the cold stone floors, which in turn had been robbed of all the beautiful, soft rugs Josephine had bought. The drapes had been torn away, the beautiful stained glass shattered. Ellana had never prized material things much, but the sight of the bare, pillaged space made her want to cry.

Fenris kept his eyes on his work, extinguishing the torch and hanging it on his belt. Enough light shown through the broken windows that they wouldn’t need it. The former Inquisitor stood still, shivering in her cloak as he strapped the arm containing her hidden dagger into place. She murmured a distant thank you when he finished and shook the arm out as she took in the space, tears sparkling in the corners of her eyes.

“We should move quickly,” he reminded her in a low voice. “It could still be dangerous, and if you’re found here…”

“I know,” she agreed. “I just…I had to see it for myself. This won’t take long.”

They picked their way across the throne room toward a large, caved in fireplace. Next to it, the splintered remains of a door hung wildly off of a single hinge, the entryway blasted open as though a bomb had gone off. She picked up speed and darted through the crumbling hole with Fenris at her heels. Quick as he was, he could only ever outrun her when he “cheated” as she called it, by used his phasing abilities.

Her nearly slammed into her when she pulled up short, standing in the center of what had once been a rotunda. A large desk dominated the room, the thick wood snapped in the middle like a twig. Broken railings hung above them, dry and ripped pages skittered across the putted floor like leaves, and wooden scaffolding was crushed half to dust around the perimeter. The walls were plain, boring grey plaster, an unfinished look to them. Ellana stared at them with her hand over her mouth, trembling like a violet in a hurricane, tears streaming down her cheeks.

In the months they’d travelled together, Fenris had known her to cry, at night when she thought no one could see or hear her. He’d stood silent watch over her, slipping away as she collected herself and made her way back to camp, where the Chargers cavorted and welcomed her back with overflowing tankards and concerningly tight hugs. He’d never seen the heartbreak and horror currently etched into her soft features. She made a strangled noise and fell to her knees before he could catch her, head bowed to the floor as she broke down into heaving, raw-throated sobbing.

“Gods, it’s true…” she gasped into the dust. It stirred with her breath and as Fenris kneeled beside her and clutched her trembling shoulders, he could see pigment mixed into it; vibrant reds and deep greens. “They’re all gone…”

He had questions, but there was nothing to say. The words wouldn’t form, and he doubted she’d hear him in this state anyway. Instead, Fenris simply covered her body with his own, forehead pressed against her back as he held her small, shaking frame tight.

[meangimmymachine]

Sera Was Never An Agreeable Girl (And Was Never Meant To)

Hello, I am back and with an essay of the ages because I have nothing better to do. Also @gh0stlysbdy is calling me a coward for not writing this out and my ego will not continue to be assaulted like this.

So, first and foremost. I am a Dragon Age enjoyer. I can’t fully say I’m a fan as I’ve only played Dragon Age: Inquisition, however I have a vague understanding of DA:O, DA2, the DLCs, as well as read or am reading the graphic novels and books. I’m a whore for lore. It’s just my nature. 

Now, I have played DA:I a total of three times. Once as a female human mage when I first got the game because I thought it was gonna be a really cool game about dragons and magic. Halfway right. That playthrough however, didn’t really end up being fully played because I felt uncomfortable, so I played the second time around as a male elf warrior. I know, warrior mains, ew, but that’s beside the point. Of all the characters I interacted with as the Inquisitor, I have a select few favorites, and Sera is one of them. Dorian is the first obviously, but Sera comes third after Varric. 

Thing about Sera is that so many people found her unbearable. I did too, because I played a Dalish elf and resonated so strongly with my character and his culture that I found her comments insulting for years. I got the game back in 2015, and I was really new to everything, especially the anti-mage, anti-elf propaganda that the games really like to dive into. And I, like many others, lashed out at Sera for acting the way she was acting. I wished she would just grow up and accept the fact that she is an elf and that her acting that way towards other elves and even mages is wrong. And I was right, it is wrong, however, the way I and many others have been thinking about her character is wrong.

Let’s start at the beginning. According to the Dragon Age Wiki, Sera was born in the Denerim Alienage in Ferelden. Now already, based on the knowledge of the games, and lore behind it, Ferelden, out of all the areas, has the most anti-mage sentiment. Far more than Orlais and the Free Marches. The only other anti-elf area that could outmatch Ferelden is Orlais, and I have my thoughts on Orlais. Now, from what I know of the City Elf Origin, it is already clear that the environment in which the city elves of the Denerim Alienag live has so many poor, decrepit issues, as well as the fact that humans treat the city elves as lesser beings. 

She does say that she remembers the Alienage, but is also quick to deny and almost recant the beliefs that the city elves do believe in, such as the vhenadahl, which is the sacred trees that were planted in the Alienages so that the elves there still hold on to some of their traditions that had been stripped from them.

It is also state in her Wiki page that Sera is an orphan, and that she was caught stealing at a young age. As some players would experience in DA:O, elven criminals are treated worse than others, even on some accounts for no reason. However, in the alienages, city elves have assumed the role of passive bystanders to those of their own kind that are direct trouble. Sera would have probably been caught stealing and not supported or helped by her own community and internalized it as being othered. She was a child. A child who was already exposed to the fact that humans considered her community the ‘others’ and now even she was betrayed by her community’s silence and refusal to defend her. This could and possibly is the root of Sera’s anti-elf sentiment that even now remains strongly rooted in her personality.

And then we go to Lady Emmald, the woman who probably influenced Sera far more than she wants to believe. A human woman that couldn’t have children and was in fact a sick woman. Here is where I believe Sera’s issues with herself as an elf possibly got worse. Here was a little girl, rejected by her elven community, ostracized by Fereldan humans for being an elf, and then Lady Emmald, a woman who wanted to be a mother to Sera but didn’t know how because, as much as I can assume on a woman who is only ever talked about by the little girl she lied to, was never really well connected with her mother. “She hid buying them by keeping me away from the baker. She did that by lying that he didn’t like me, didn’t like elves. She let me hate so she could keep her pride. I hated him so much, and I hated...” And then she stops. Lady Emmald took her in, yes, fed her, clothed her, gave her baked cookies that weren’t even some that she made. But she still lied  to Sera, and as Sera says if you question her, “It was not just cookies! Lie to herself? Fair play, only hurts her. But she made me think there was something wrong with me.” That was what effects Sera, even now. When you talk to her after The Verchiel March and accept her actions, she will say “Right then, what do you mean? Because I am really not used to that. Acceptance thing you’re doing right there.” Although internalized, this means a lot more than many people think. She hasn’t had many experiences in being accepted for who she is. 

I have a bit of a theory that Sera being raised as a City Elf was what exposed her to Andrastianism, as well as being raised by a human woman, however, I do think that it is incredibly unfair of quite a lot of people, especially in the Inquisition to make fun of her for being scared of magic. Remember that point of Fereldan being the most anti-magic of Thedas? Yeah we’re back to that. Now, throughout Inquisition, I had a really hard time with her the first time around, I was always on the defense. Then I remembered, she was raised in Denerim, during the Fifth Blight. Now, we all know she dislikes darkspawn, however even she states that people paid more attention to being against mages than the Blight. She lived in an area that already demonized magic, and saw it as a precursor for becoming a demon. That exposes a child to develop an eerie sense of distrust towards another person, particularly mages. She’s naturally terrified of anything that could result in a person becoming a demon, and even supports the existence of Circles, to a certain degree, because she believes they will be better off, with a belly full of warm food and a place where she thinks will be a better alternative for others. I do like her interactions with Dorian, as it shows a HUGE difference in the way they were raised and areas that effect them. Dorian has been exposed to magic since he was born, it is as natural to him as breathing and he has lived in wealthy privilege to be able to disregard anyone else’s beliefs and view them as silly. Sera, however, was not. She is a city elf woman, who compared to Dorian would amount to nothing no matter what she contributed to the society that southern Thedas builds. With her talks with Cassandra, she mentions Seekers using their position to seem scary because they can, and knocks Cassandra off her self righteous pedestal by having her realize that those in power are terrifying to those without and it should not be flaunted in people’s faces. She seems absolutely terrified of Cole, as she has been taught that it is justified to be scared of him and dehumanize him. Although to be fair he isn’t exactly human, but still, he doesn’t understand her but does try to. And eventually she just reciprocates communicating with him.

And now finally, the fact that Sera makes the Inquisitor choose to either disregard their own religion, or choose Andrastianism. This actually made some sense to me whenever I played and talked to her. It does make sense what she means. The Inquisitor didn’t choose to be made the Herald or the Inquisitor, but those are symbols of Andraste and the Chantry, and it is expected of the Inquisitor to abandon all that they used to be to become the symbol that the Inquisition is supposed to represent. No matter human, dwarf, elf, or Qunari, the Inquisitor is stripped away of their agency and ability to represent themselves, only becoming part of the Anchor because that is all that they can be. Is it correct? No. But Sera is the only one that outwardly reminds you of who you are to the people. Is she crass about it? Yes. However, she does not truly mean any harm in it. A lot of people take it that way. I took it that way too, but then it felt more of, “Hey, listen, you have people out there that believe in something bigger than you. I need you to understand that. You can’t have people claim you’re the Herald of Andraste and then worship your own gods, you need to keep your appearance to them so they can believe in you.” She reminds me of Josephine and Vivienne, except less subtle and much more willing to antagonize.

Then there’s her antagonization of the Dalish and what happens when its proven that the elves were not in fact gods and merely does not hesitate in tearing the Dalish people’s beliefs down. She does say, “elvy elves have shoved victim in my face a million times, we’re not proper if we’re not sad about the grand history that was stolen from us.” I do think that BioWare could have been less tone-deaf with the argument, however, it does prove that Sera’s not built to please, she’s built to argue her own thoughts on what she believes and be frank about it, even if she’s got some of the facts wrong. Someone so disconnected with their culture, and then ridiculed for not being apart of that culture is something I can relate to, and also leant that same empathy toward Sera. Being told you’re not enough of ____ would drive anyone away from sympathizing or even empathizing with the sufferings of your own people, in this case Sera’s own race.

Anyways, that’s about enough of her that I can speak of, this honestly was a surprise that I hadn’t expected to fully write about, but, I always felt that there was more that people weren’t seeing about her.

[daitranscripts]

Blackwall Cutscene: What Pride Had Wrought

Are You Ready (High approval)

Blackwall Masterpost Related Quest: What Pride Had Wrought

The PC approaches Blackwall in the barn, where he is looking over the rocking horse he built.

PC: So it’s done?

Blackwall: Just about. The little ones in the camps don’t have much. I thought this might cheer them up. Even in the midst of war, they deserve to be children.

PC: It’s almost time. Are you ready?

Choice dependent dialogue:

Free to atone [1]

Free to atone (romance) [2]

Sent to the Wardens [3]

Sent to the Wardens (romance) [4]

1 - Free to atone

Blackwall: I am. I’ve been ready for a long time. Things become clear on the battlefield. It’s where I truly know myself. Everything else fades.

Dialogue options:

General: You seem happy. [5]

General: No fear? [6]

General: I agree. [7]

5 - General: You seem happy. PC: You’re content. I’m glad. Blackwall: I am. [8]

6 - General: No fear? PC: Shouldn’t you at least pretend to be afraid of Corypheus? He is an ancient magister darkspawn with untold power. Blackwall: There is fear, but also exhilaration. [8]

7 - General: I agree. PC: It’s simpler in a fight. Enemy? Kill. Blackwall: I, too, am a soldier. [8]

8 - Scene continues

Blackwall: There has always been one constant. I am a soldier. I am trained to kill, to follow orders, and to ask no questions. But this time, I’m fighting for something I believe in, for people I care about. I chose to stay with the Inquisition. I chose this fight, and the difference is profound. I have only you to thank. Scene ends.

2 - Free to atone (romance)

Blackwall: No. Not at all. I already lost you once. Now I might lose you again.

Dialogue options:

General: Have faith in me. [9]

General: Would hard liquor help? [10]

General: It won’t happen. [11]

9 - General: Have faith in me. PC: I won’t let us be torn apart a second time. Blackwall: You have some power, my lady, but not even you can thwart death. [12]

10 - General: Would hard liquor help? PC: Maybe a drink is in order. Blackwall: Yes, we’ll approach Corypheus in a stupor. Won’t feel a thing when death hits us. As much as I like the idea, I might have to decline. [12]

11 - General: It won’t happen. PC: Corypheus can’t stand against us. Blackwall: I will draw strength from your conviction. [12]

12 - Scene continues.

Blackwall: One thing’s certain–I’ll fight harder than any man out there. I’ll fight harder than I ever have. There’s always something to die for. But something worth living for? That doesn’t come every day. Scene ends.

3 - Sent to the Wardens

Blackwall: You know I am. I welcome the battle and what comes after. I will end up in Warden custody. It was what Blackwall wanted, more or less.

Dialogue options:

General: They will be merciful. [13]

General: More or less. [14]

General: Focus on the battle. [15]

13 - General: They will be merciful. PC: I’m confident they won’t overlook the work you’ve done for the Inquisition. Blackwall: That remains to be seen. Best not to presume.

14 - General: More or less. PC: Blackwall wanted you to be a Warden. Who knows if the surviving Wardens will agree… They may not appreciate you impersonating one of their number.

15 - General: Focus on the battle. PC: Corypheus is our priority. Keep your attention on him. Blackwall: I won’t be distracted from our enemy.

16 - Scene continues.

Blackwall: I don’t fear the Wardens’ judgment. It will be no worse than what Orlais had in store. And I’ve made my peace with that. Redemption doesn’t come easy, but perhaps killing Corypheus will be a start. You’ve been a true friend when I haven’t deserve it. I am honored to fight by your side. Scene ends.

4 - Sent to the Wardens (romance)

Blackwall: You know I am. I welcome the battle and what comes after. My only regret is that I have to leave your side.

Dialogue options:

General: It’s not an end. [17]

General: Not for long. [18]

General: We still have some time. [19]

17 - General: It’s not an end. PC: The Wardens will be a new beginning for you. But we could still use your sword here, if it’s allowed and you wish to return. Blackwall: You know I do. I will always return to you. Scene ends.

18 - General: Not for long. PC: I’m not letting you go that easy. Once you’re a Grey Warden, you get right back here. I need my Warden advisor. Blackwall: Advisor? PC: Let’s just call it that. Scene ends.

19 - General: We still have some time. PC: It’s not over yet. We still have time together. Blackwall: And I will cherish it. Scene ends.

[sirenthegalaxycollector]

Some thoughts I have been having for a long time about Thedas and the Veil that I want to get out of my head. 

When referring to spirits I am including demons as a kind of spirit.  The world beyond the Veil is completely influenced by the mind and will of dreamers, mages, and spirits who exist there. What you believe, you see. Solas says as much, when he talks about the nature of spirits and explains that if you see a spirit of wisdom and think it a demon than it will change and appear as a pride demon. It seems that the Fade is largely a subjective experience, with the exception of areas controlled by powerful spirits. 

And, of course, the one big exception of the Black City. Back to that later. 

There is one emotion that seems to dominate the average Thedosian psyche, fear. 

Thedosians fear; the Blight, the Breach, the Game, Tevinter, Orlais, archdemons, broodmothers, dark spawn, demons, abominations, mages, templars, elves, humans, the Qunari, the Avvar, the Chasind, the Grey Wardens, slavery, plague, war, famine, etc. 

It’s a long list that kept one spirit fed so well that the Inquisitor had to retreat from it. Most of those fears are less than two degrees removed from any average citizen of Thedas. If you have never suffered the wrath of a blood mage or fought off a darkspawn you probably know someone who has.

For mages this fear is doubled. They are feared both by everyone around them and arguably worse, they fear themselves. This fear is reinforced by the Chanty and the Circle. Mages are taught, by religion and rote, to fear themselves and each other. For a bunch of people able to will things into reality that seems inadvisable at best. 

It is also a super ineffective way of training mages. Look at the Avvar vs. the Circles for instance. The Avvar’s mages are trained by spirits. Who appear as spirits, not demons for their pupils and worshippers. They are not taught to fear themselves or the beings their abilities bring them into contact with. So the spirits don’t appear as demons and possessions do not always result in abominations. Or perhaps Rivain? Where the seers are revered and respect the spirits they work with. The point here is there are ways to coexist with spirits and mages that is different than the Circle and Chantry of Orlais, Fereldan or Tevinter. Learning from these examples might be really important moving forward.  

Because what if the Veil has been weakening this whole time. Lots of theories I see connect the archdemons to the Veil and I agree. It’s likely that Solas sealed away some part of the Evanuris’ spirits into the dragons that become archdemons. Which is why he is freaked all the the way out when he learns about the Grey Wardens and their plan to end the Blight. I think it’s also likely that these seals lent stability to the Veil. As the archdemons are slain the Veil becomes thinner.  A thinning Veil would also explain the increasing birth rates of mages. 

It could potentially also lead to experiences in Thedas becoming more subjective to the collective emotions of the people living there. IE. Abominations becoming more common because the fear everyone has towards mages and spirits compounds the issue. This leads mages to fear instead of learn their abilities, leading to a loss of control, possession and abominations.  

Adding to this, I think its very interesting Morrigan wanted to raise an Old God baby. Riordan says that a Grey Warden must kill archdemons so the Warden can be a lightning rod for the archdemon’s spirit into destruction. But we know that spirits are never completely destroyed. They are dispersed, to later reform. Though they may never become what they once were. (Solas, again) I think Mythal is proof this doesn’t necessarily hold true for the Evanuris. So what if Morrigan wanted to try and raise an Old God soul to be something other than it was? Like helping Andruil be less blood thirsty through good parenting or re-educating them on morals and ethics? 

The Veil is also weakened in places where many deaths occur. Thedas is notably the only continent we have seen, despite knowing there are civilizations elsewhere in the world. It seems strange that one area of the world would be subject to so many near catastrophes but perhaps we just don’t know about the ones outside of Thedas. Like whatever drove the Qunari there. Regardless, a lot of death has occurred in Thedas. Just in the time we are present for in the three games alone there are two civil wars, a Blight, the explosions at Kirkwall and Haven. This is on top of the day to day plagues, famines, and conflicts that have occurred.  

Yet despite this the Veil is only very thin in relatively few places through Thedas, at least prior to the Breach. What if Thedas is where the Veil is strongest because it’s where it was raised (Sundermount?) and its seals are there. What if in other places around the world magic and the Evanuris have been stronger, more empowered to interact with mortals and the physical realm. 

What if Solas, young, arrogant, hot headed Solas, tried to seal away magic and spirits and the Evanuris but didn’t quite do the job well enough. It must be hard to separate reality into the Fade and the physical. Especially if you are unaware of a world without magic. Must be harder to try and do so with what was likely some pretty heavy resistance. Sure the stories say the Dread Wolf tricked the gods and the Forgotten ones, but we know that Solas led a rebellion against the Evanuris so. And what about those Evanuris and Forgotten Ones.

The Forgotten Ones are theorized to be the Titans, and that may very well be true. What if though, Thedas belonged to one set of Evanuris. Again, we don’t know much about the world outside of Thedas so it could be that they also had super powerful elven mages who assumed the roles of gods, and what if these are the Forgotten Ones? 

Or they could just be the Titans.

And if the rest of the world wasn’t ruled by the theorized Forgotten Ones, then it stands to reason it was ruled by the Evanuris. 

Why would the Waking Sea be any trouble for beings that could use their pretty mirrors to teleport across planes? Which, looking at the symbology present, means that Thedas was likely ruled by Mythal. Much like her temple, she proudly displays the symbols of her fellow Evanuris across her realm. Additionally I would theorize that the Qunari came from a land ruled by Andruil and Ghilan'nain. What if the Veil has already been significantly weakened or even torn in other places. What if crossing the Waking sea is so perilous because beyond it is a land where the Veil and the physical world are no longer separated? The Evanuris are just as, if not more powerful than Solas. If they are aware (and the dragon gods of Tevinter kinda seem like at least some part of them is) they are trapped then they are likely poking and prodding at their prison attempting to find a way out. Especially June, although admittedly we probably have a flawed understanding of them, but he seems like the type to like a good puzzle.

Back on point, if any of the Evanuris’ spirits remain intact enough, like Mythal, to remember the past I do not think they would be sitting idly by waiting. They probably attempt to influence the physical world through spirits, mages, Dreamers, heck maybe even the Chantry themselves. (Interesting that Elgar’nan and the Chantry share the sun symbology and a strong desire for absolute obedience, no?) Now onto the Black City (told you we’d come back). The one singular thing that remains constant in the Fade. The Fade, where the world is subject to the strongest will and only very powerful spirits have the power to maintain realms. The place I think Solas established to recover after creating the Veil. The place breached by the Ancient Magisters. Ancient magisters egged on by their gods that went silent afterwards. A plot perhaps, of the Evanuris to breach the physical world? Going after Solas as he slept, only to be thwarted by an alarm system (the Golden City going silent). Their champions cast back to the physical realm, their voices silenced. 

What if one of them got off a last little jab before that though? Like releasing the Blight? And Solas, too exhausted to maintain his realm in its former glory, falls back to sleep before the repercussions of the Blight are known. Which is why he is so sure killing the archdemons will not end the Blight. He knows that the goal is not the cause.  The fact that magic, lyrium (both blue and red), and archdemons all “sing” is a detail that gnaws at me, but I can’t quite puzzle it out. I don’t think the Chant being called that or being a song is a coincidence either. It’s a puzzle piece I haven’t found the place for yet. 

If you read this whole thing, thanks for indulging me 😊

[inquisimer]

Just gonna keep simping Cullen x Acacia. Would love to see "smoke me down like a bad habit // choke you down like i gotta have it" from the song lyric prompts 👀

you simp, i simp, we all simp for acacia x cullen

i wish i had more than a generic outline for their story lol😅

for @dadrunkwriting

~~~

Drew warned her, he said there were issues she didn’t know about, a history she couldn’t even begin to guess at. But what could be worse than her own past? She’d killed people to earn her safety, bought her own security at the price of her clients’ victims. Whatever Drew thought she was getting herself into, she’d undoubtedly been in deeper shit.

Of course she knew it was a bad idea, but not for her. It was Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes-Chantry-Boy who was going to regret everything a few months down the line, to be sure. She was what? A drifter? A vagabond? The Inquisitor’s little sister? That goodwill would wear off sooner rather than later, no doubt. And he would regret their dalliance and cast her aside like every well-to-do associate had in the past.

But that wasn’t going to stop her.

She slipped into Cullen’s office just as a gaggle of his runners were exiting. They dipped their heads in acknowledgement while she just watched them go by, no interest in the rumors they would spread about her being there. She walked up and perched on the side of his desk and waited until he turned and came close enough that she could cup one hand against his unshaven cheek.

“Do you have a moment?” she murmured. His smile pulled at the bags under his eyes.

“For you? Always.”

-:-:-:-:-

It was a terrible idea, worse than even a degenerate Kirkwall templar being in charge of the forces for political and religious change. Cullen reminded himself of that at least twelve times a day, not the least of which when he was under the Inquisitor’s watchful eye at war councils. What kind of brother would want a lackluster, washed-up failure for their sister? And what mage would want their sister involved with a Templar? Former or no? It was doomed from the start.

But he was hopeless.

The barest touch to his wrist and he followed her out to the battlements, wrapped her in his embrace, and kissed her in full view of the populace of Skyhold. The could stay the void out of his business, but they still should know that she was taken. And he was hers.

As long as she would have him, anyway. She knew some of his demons, but eventually it would be too much—wasn’t it always? There were hardships of her own to face, and he would undoubtedly fail to keep his shortcomings at bay.

She was intoxicating in a way the lyrium never was. When he was near her, his heart raced and it had nothing to do with the withdrawals. It wasn’t even remotely healthy to replace one addiction with another, but he was rapidly becoming addicted to Acacia, and the smirk and glint she got in her eye when she looked at him.

Even Cassandra warned him it was a bad idea. She goes out with the Inquisitor often, the Seeker reminded him, and on her own even more. Would he survive the report that said she’d taken her effort just a bit too far? He pointedly didn’t think of how terrible his reaction had been when they thought her lost with Haven.

That kind of denial served them both, in the short run at least.

-:-:-:-:-

“There you are. Everyone’s been looking for you.”

He found her on the balcony, after things had calmed down. Somewhat. As much as they ever did in the heart of Orlais. Her dress was shredded from her efforts in the royal wing, more resemblant of a grass skirt than a ballgown at this point, but she wore it no less gracefully. At some point she’d cut the sleeves off with a dagger and the tattered edges fluttered around her shoulders in the evening breeze. Most of her hair had come loose from Josephine’s updo, remnants of a braided crown tracing her face while wisps escaped, framing her face like a halo.

She looked beautiful, of course. She always did. Not that he was allowed to say it to her—that’s not what this was, they’d been very clear. It was a terrible idea, the middle of a war, both of them with responsibilities greater than the whims of their hearts. His heart. He wouldn’t presume to speak for her. But…neither was strong enough to choke back the desire, not when it burned hotter than an inferno, when ignoring it was equally distracting as giving in and the latter had far more benefits.

It had been a long night, though. Even if her brother had done most of the dancing, and jumping through hoops. She’d been just as on-the-spot, if not more so, for her personal history. Orlesians loved a scandal, loved to pick one apart with no thought to the consequences. So maybe she was rubbed raw enough to forgive a little extra affection tonight.

He joined her in leaning against the railing and snaked his arm around her waist, drawing her close against his side. She smelled mostly of sweat and battle, with the faintest tinge of the perfume the handmaidens had liberally applied at the start of the night. The silver fabric of her dress shimmered in the moonlight, fluid like mercury and cut at random intervals with bloodstains. She wore it as well as any armor—and it was, in a way.

“Fuck this place,” she muttered. She tilted her head against his shoulder without any of her usual restraint. Maybe they were both a little deeper in denial than usual, tonight. He took full advantage, running his hand up and down her arm and committing every feeling, every scent to memory, to hold for later when she remembered the boundaries she’d set between them for a reason.

“I’m glad it’s over,” he admitted.

“I wish I could have done more,” she said. For you, he hears, and he feels the anger in her body, even in the soft tone of her voice. They’re both thinking of the frilly skirts and ostentatious masks that had crowded him all night. There’d been more than one moment where he would have given her the okay to run all of them through with her daggers—and she would have, without hesitation, he knew.

Thankfully, she’d been off stabbing other fanatics at the moment.

“You did plenty,” he assured her. Hesitation colored his voice, but if he was pushing his luck, he might as well push it all the way. “I—it was foolish, but…I was worried about you tonight.”

“Oh?” Anyone else may have heard her as merely curious, but he’s spent a shameful number of hours analyzing the way she sounds when she speaks to him. If he was right, she was pleased with the revelation—and he’d had just enough of that champagne since Florianne’s execution to feel like he might be right.

It was a terrible idea. But he thought of how Cassandra teased him when Acacia watched them train, how Leliana gave him such knowing looks when she came to give reports to the council. How even her brother seemed to suspect there was something more going on, when Cullen knew she’d explicitly outlined the situation for the Inquisitor. But—to hell with outlines. They might drive each other to the absolute edge, but he had never felt things in half measures. This should be no different.

“May I have this dance, my lady?” he asked, relinquishing their embrace to extend one hand toward her. Acacia raised one brow and appraised him, not quite able to keep a small smile from tugging at her lips.

“I thought you didn’t dance?” she replied, slipping her hand in his. He drew her close, far closer than any of the instruction they’d received, but she didn’t object. He leaned his forehead against hers and spun them softly to an invisible tune.

“For you, I’ll try,” he murmured.

He was only setting himself up for heartbreak. But like any bad habit, it felt much better to give in than to try and break it. The pain of the disaster was a problem for future Cullen. As were so many other things.

For now, with her head resting against his heartbeat, damn the consequences.