#( I dunno if you wanna play Leorio ) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

decembercamiecherries · 7 years ago

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Graffiti- Chapter 6

Ao3 link

Chapter word count: 7,545 -> Total story word count: 30,762

Chapter summary:

"Hmm." Leorio was studying him carefully again and Killua had to make a conscious effort not to squirm under that studious gaze. He didn’t like it, the way Leorio was looking at him.

Leorio asked suddenly, “You really trust Gon, huh?”

A pang of shock jolted through Killua. “I–I trust his abilities, that’s it! He’s strong, okay.”

Dammit, he sounded way too defensive right now!

Finally getting to post this thing after three months of finishing off grad school XD A big thank you to @sketchxhunter for being my beta and for making the chapter art, and thank you to @xcoruscaminex for supporting me and this fic in every possible way <3 I love you both!

Chapter title: Contract of Trust

(Chapter art)

“I still don’t understand why you two need to borrow my car—” Leorio started angrily.

“Yeah!” Gon cut in and Killua bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself calm. “Why can’t we just use my motorcycle to get to this Kurapika guy’s place?”

“I already explained this to you last night,” Killua growled. “We can’t use your motorcycle; Kurapika lives in the next country over, this drive is going to take us all day! And I’m not about to cling to your back for seven and a half hours until all my fingers go numb!”

“I can think of a few things I could do to keep you warm,” Gon countered, wiggling his eyebrows, and Killua almost socked him in his cheerful, freckled face. It was too goddamn early for Gon and his stupidly blunt flirtations—

“Okay you two, relax. Damn.” Leorio shook his head. “I didn’t know I was dealing with two children, today.”

“Gon is the only child here!”

“No, I’m not! I’m twenty years old!”

“No way,” Killua said, horror seizing his heart. “Are you seriously saying you’re older than me?!”

Gon blinked. Then his expression twisted in delighted glee. “I dunno, am I? When’s your birthday, Ki-llu-a? Mine was a few weeks ago—”

“Hey, hey, time out!” Leorio made a cutting motion with his hands. “You both can discuss who’s older later! I wanna know why you need my car so badly!”

Killua turned back to Leorio with an irritated glare. “I just told you, old man, we need to go see Kurapika! Or are you losing your hearing in your old age?”

A muscle in Leorio’s face twitched. “Watch who you’re calling old, brat.” He poked Killua hard on the forehead and Killua yelped. “Do you want my help or don’t you?”

“I do,” Killua grumbled and rubbed the place where Leorio had jabbed him. “I didn’t think it would take this long to get it, though!”

“It’s my car and my baby, I think I deserve to ask a few questions.”

“You have got to be joking, that thing’s nothing but a pile of junk held together by some screws and oil—”

“Then why don’t you use your own car if it’s that much of an inconvenience for you, huh?!”

“You know why!!!”

Killua’s vicious snarl was met with resounding silence. For a long moment, no one spoke. Second after second ticked by while Killua and Leorio continued to glare murderously at each other, and a thick, palpable tension hanging in the air between them.

Rage simmered under Killua’s skin, coiling through his veins. Leorio knew better than anyone why Killua couldn’t use his own car, why going into enemy territory with something so directly tied to his own name was equivalent to pointing a huge arrow at his forehead for Milluki to trace back to him within seconds! It was something even Killua and Alluka, with all their tricks and careful strategies, couldn’t counter.

That was why they needed Leorio, and it was way too early in the morning for Killua to be awake and playing question games right now!

“So—” Gon started, finally breaking the silence, “—you guys are good friends, huh?”

Killua uncurled his white-knuckled fists and looked away with a tch. Leorio let out a short breath.

“Yeah, we’re friends,” he grumbled. “Someone has to take care of this kid.”

Killua’s cheeks grew hot. “I can take care of myself!”

“Sure, and that’s why you’re here, right?” Leorio shook his head. “Save your breath, Killua. Even if you hadn’t…you know, gone out on a limb for me, I’d still do whatever I could for you and Alluka. You’re family.”

Killua wrinkled his nose and ducked his head. Ugh, great. His whole face was on fire now.

“Yeah, well. You’re not so bad yourself,” he mumbled, scuffing his shoe on the floor. He saw Leorio’s chest swell out do the corner of his eye and smiled to himself. They might get on each other’s nerves a lot, but he trusted Leorio. And that alone said a lot.

“Um. I’m sorry, but…I still don’t get it.”

Killua turned to see Gon wrinkling his nose in confusion. “I mean,” the gang leader continued. “I know we need this Kurapika person because he’s in the Mafia and he’s got the information Alluka can’t get through the computers, but—”

“But, what?” Killua asked sharply. He had a bad feeling about where this conversation was going, felt the dread pooling in the base of his stomach like lead. “What else could you possibly need to know?!”

“Let me finish!” Gon puffed out his cheeks. “But the Mafia works all over the globe, right? Why can’t we just ask someone from the Mafia here, in this country? Then we don’t have to bother Leorio about his car, and we won’t have to travel as far…”

Killua stilled, blood turning to ice. He was careful not to look over at Leorio because he knew one glance could give away everything, even without saying a single word.

He heard Leorio cough and the sound came out somewhat strained. “It’s not that simple, kid. There’s only one reining Mafia family per country and everyone else just works under them. The reining families share resources under occasion but it’s not that common of a thing.”

Gon deflated. “Oh. So, then, the Mafia family here might not have what we need?”

“Exactly,” Killua said, voice ten times calmer than he felt. “And besides, Kurapika is the only Mafia connection I have as of right now. There’s no point in talking to anyone else.”

“So, what do you say?” he abruptly asked Leorio to change the topic of conversation. He shoved his hands deep into the front pockets of his jeans. “Can we borrow the car, or can’t we?”

Leorio hesitated. He looked between them—Gon, wide eyed and entirely too innocent looking, and Killua, exhausted and irritated—before finally sighing.

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” he grumbled. “You just better not hurt my baby....”

Killua turned to Gon with a grin, only to find Gon already looking back at him with the same delighted beam on his face. He felt his skin warm as Gon’s glimmering brown-gold eyes locked on his face and stayed there, refusing to break their shared gaze. He only distantly noted Leorio walking over to his kitchen counter over the heavy thud-thud-ing of his heart.

“Make sure to get her back to me in one piece, yeah?” Leorio said and Killua forcibly tore his eyes away from Gon’s. Leorio was making his way back to where they stood in his apartment entrance, fiddling for something in his wallet.

He eventually managed to fish out his keys and tossed them to Gon. Gon caught them one-handedly without flinching.

“Go to the parking garage on the street corner,” Leorio told him with a jerk of his head. “The keys should help you find my car once you get inside.”

Gon nodded, then glanced at Killua expectantly.

He said quickly, “You go get the car. I want to talk to Leorio for a bit before we go.”

“Oh…okay.” Gon wilted a bit at that, sounding put out.

Killua rolled his eyes and nudged Gon in the side. “Don’t sound so sad, jeez!” he laughed lightly. “I’m not going anywhere, stupid. I’ll still be here when you get back.”

“I know that!” Gon stuck his tongue out, but the childish action did nothing to hide the blush darkening cheeks. Killua just grinned, eyebrows shooting upwards. He couldn’t help but find it funny how much Gon acted like a little kid sometimes.

He continued to watch Gon with amusement as his partner jerked open the front door and stomped down the front steps of Leorio’s apartment. He kept his gaze pointedly trained on Gon’s green spikes, ignoring the heavy weight of Leorio’s gaze digging into the side of his face.

Just like he was ignoring the steady warmth creeping across his cheeks.

“Oh!” Gon turned around on the last step and called back at them, “It was nice to see you again, Mister Leorio! Thanks for the help!”

“It’s just Leorio!” the older man hollered after Gon. “I’m only a few years older than you, dammit!”

He leaned against the doorframe with an angry huff. Together, he and Killua tracked Gon’s progress as he jogged down the street.

“Never thought I’d see that kid again,” Leorio admitted and folded his arms.

“Yeah, well, that makes two of us.”

“Hmph. I could have said that a year ago the way you dumped him on my doorstep then bolted for the hills….you do know what all this means, though, right?”

Killua tensed. “What all what means?”

“This.” Leorio made a general sweeping gesture with his hands. “You and him, going to see Kurapika. You won’t be able to hide your connections to the Mafia from Gon like how you did just now. You’re going to have to tell him the truth.”

Killua grimaced. “I—yeah.” He rubbed his forehead, the wrinkles there. “I know. I knew that the second Alluka mentioned Kurapika’s name.”

Leorio stared at him critically. “And are you ready to tell him? You didn’t look like it just now.”

Killua felt a muscle in his face twitch. “What are you, my therapist?” he snapped. “I’ll tell him when I’m ready, okay? I just couldn’t tell him there, that’s all. I’ll tell him soon, jeez.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay. No need to yell. I was just acting like the concerned, kind friend I am. What’s your relationship with him, anyway?”

“Huh?” Killua glanced at him sharply. “What are you talking about now, you geezer? If you’re just gonna harass me maybe I should’ve just left with Gon to get your car after all—”

“Hey, don’t get all defensive!” Leorio held up his hands in surrender. “I just think it’s kind of strange that this is the second time you’ve shown up here asking for my help with him in tow. You haven’t done that at all since I set you and Alluka up with the apartment two years ago.”

Killua scowled and said shortly, “If you’re asking whether there’s a deeper relationship going on here there isn’t. The only reason Gon showed up is because he wants my help with this very specific…thing. And the only reason I’m helping is because he can keep me and Alluka off Illumi’s trail for a while.”

Leorio visibly paled. “I-Illumi’s here?!”

Killua shrugged, trying not to appear as sick as the horrible knot of dread in his gut made him feel. “Seems like it. Got a handwritten note from him confirming he knew where we were, at least.”

“Shit. That’s…” Leorio shook his head. “Killua, that’s bad.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“And Alluka? Is she safe?”

“For now, yeah. She’s staying with Gon’s gang while we pay this visit to Kurapika.”

“You don’t think you should’ve taken her with you?”

Killua scoffed. “No. You think I would ever risk taking Alluka into Mafia-infested lands? To a place that’s so directly connected to our family that she could be dragged back to home within a few hours of being recognized?” He shook his head, nostrils flaring. “I don’t think so. She’s safer where she is for now…”

“But you’re going,” Leorio pointed out and Killua rolled his eyes.

“I’ll risk my own safety, sure, but never Alluka’s. And, besides, I’m not totally alone; I have Gon.”

“Hmm.” Leorio was studying him carefully again and Killua had to make a conscious effort not to squirm under that studious gaze. He didn’t like it, the way Leorio was looking at him.

Leorio asked suddenly, “You really trust him, huh?”

A pang of shock jolted through Killua. “I–I trust his abilities, that’s it! He’s strong, okay.” Dammit, he sounded way too defensive right now—

“Uh-huh. Sure. And then what was with the whole—” he nudged Killua’s side, like Killua had done to Gon just a few minutes ago, and Killua flushed hotly.

“Th-That was nothing!” he stammered. He waved a hand in the air, as if that would somehow help explain himself. “Just, you know, a bit of harmless teasing; you saw the puppy dog face he was making at me!”

“Oh, trust me, I think I’d have to be blind to miss the way that guy was looking at you,” Leorio said and Killua bristled. He opened his mouth in a snarl—

“Hell, I thought something might’ve changed over the past year, but apparently not.”

Killua froze. “W-Wait…what?”

“Nothing, I’m just thought a year passing would’ve changed the way Gon looked at you but.” Leorio shrugged. “He still looks at you like the way you look at chocolate. And that’s saying something.”

Killua suddenly felt warm all over. “You—you mean, Gon was interested in me a year ago? All the way back when we first met?!”

Leorio quirked an eyebrow. “That’s what it looked like to me. Did you seriously not notice? He never shut up about you the entire time I was stitching him up. Wanted to know everything about you—not that I said anything, of course, but—”

“W-Why didn’t you tell me?!” Killua sputtered out, mind racing

He wasn’t expecting this. Meeting Gon had been a whirlwind of activity; he was too terrified back then to see Gon as anything more than a threat to his and Alluka’s carefully crafted life, so that’s how he treated him. He took care of Gon, washed his hands of the whole situation and walked away, determined to never think of the bleeding man ever again.

But, according to Leorio, Gon had thought of him.

Distantly, he heard Leorio’s complaining start up again. He refocused just in time to hear him say, “You never wanted to hear about it! Every time I tried to bring Gon up you always shrieked your head off at me!”

Leorio let out an irritated huff. But then his expression shifted and changed, morphing into a sly smirk. Killua glowered at him. What the hell was he thinking about now?

“But maybe that’s all in the past,” Leorio said in a sing-song voice. “After all, it looks like there’s been some recent developments.”

Killua’s shoulders jerked upwards. Bristing, he hissed venomously, “You—!”

“Don’t get mad at me, kid! I’m just calling it as I see it, okay? I can count on my fingers the number of times I’ve seen you get this flustered, and I’ve known you longer than most.”

Killua looked away furiously. His body felt hot all over. He didn’t even know why he was reacting like this; it was dumb and stupid and none of this even mattered. His so-called ‘feelings’ for Gon were nothing short of basic tolerance moving onto acquaintanceship, and that was if he was being generous.

His nails dug into his palms hard enough to draw blood as he ground out, “We only met a week ago. There can’t be anything.”

“Attachments have formed in less time,” Leorio said wisely. “Love is spontaneous. You can’t always control what you do or don’t feel.”

Killua’s head snapped up. Leorio’s eyes softened, filling with a kind of dull pain. He asked, voice strained, “Say hello to him for me, will you?”

Killua swallowed thickly as the anger drained out of him. There was only one person Leorio could be talking about: a person with shoulder-length blonde hair, and piercing but exhausted gray eyes.

Kurapika always looked so tired whenever Killua had talked to him. But he came to life around Leorio.

Killua answered, heart twisting, “Of course.”

“And Alluka, once you get back. Haven’t seen her in a while either.”

Killua felt a sharp stab of guilt. “I-I’m sorry. We didn’t mean to—”

“Killua.” Two warm, sturdy hands gripped Killua’s shoulders, steadying him. Leorio smiled down at him and there was nothing but genuine fondness shining in his brown eyes.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said softly, giving Killua’s shoulders a squeeze. “Alright? Visit when you have the time. When you’re safe. That’s all that matters to me—and to Kurapika, I know. He will help you with whatever this all is. And when you’re done we’ll figure something out to get you and Alluka out of this mess again.”

Killua’s eyes prickled. He sucked in an unsteady breath and reached up to grip one of Leorio’s hands, nodding. He couldn’t properly express what Leorio’s support meant to him. It went beyond words.

The sound of a car pulling in front of Leorio’s apartment broke the moment. Killua turned to see Leorio’s older car with Gon in the front seat, his usual sunny beam in place.

“Killua!” he called happily through the open window and Killua’s chest lightened somehow at the simple call of his own name. “I found it, I found the car! We can go, now!”

“Guess you better get going,” Leorio said. “He’ll wake up the whole neighborhood if he keeps hollering like that.”

“Yeah.” Killua faced him one last time and bit his bottom lip. “Uh, listen. Th-Thanks. I promise I’ll get her back to you in one piece and everything—”

“You are much more important to me than any car, kid.” Leorio ruffled his hair and Killua squawked. “Get yourself in and out of Yorbia safely, first and foremost. Got it?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Killua grumbled as he tried in in vain to comb his hair back in place with his fingers. He was going to have to spend another fifteen minutes messing around with it now thanks to Leorio’s intervention—

“I’m glad he’s with you.”

Killua jolted at the unexpected statement, his fingers caught on a stray knot. “H-Huh?” he asked and voice squeaked.

“I’m glad Gon is going with you,” Leorio repeated with a satisfied nod. “I can tell he’ll take care of you. Make sure you two stick together, and tell him if anything happens to you—anything at all!—he’ll have me to answer to!”

Killua’s face flushed in horrified mortification. “Holy shit, please never say that again; you are not my dad, Leorio!”

“I should be! I would do a better job than that asshole!”

Killua burst into startled laughter. He didn’t know what to say to that, other than— “You’re right,” he said, grinning, and gave Leorio a fist-bump. He began to edge out the door. “Thanks again, man. I really owe you for this.”

“Thank me when you’re back and safe!”

Killua waved a hand in acknowledgement and finally turned on his heel to face the street. He ran down the final steps of Leorio’s apartment, to where Gon was waiting for him in the car. Gon reached over and pushed open the passages side door just in time for Killua to slip in.

“Ready to go?” Gon asked, beaming, as Killua slammed the door shut behind him.

Killua nodded, breathless. “Yeah. Let’s get this show on the road.”

-o0o-

“So…”

Killua looked up from the map, half a piece of chocolate sticking out of his mouth. Gon was drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as he drove, a slight pucker in his brow.

Killua quickly chewed the rest of the chocolate piece and swallowed. “What?” he asked when he could finally talk. “You can’t just say something like that then not follow up, Gon.”

“Eh, it’s nothing big!”

“I don’t care, I’m involved now. Spill.”

Gon’s lips twitched, like he was trying not to smile and failing. “Mm, well, I was wondering…how do Leorio and this Kurapika guy know each other? It seemed like you three had all been friends at some point the way you were talking back at Leorio’s apartment.”

Killua raised his eyebrows. Of all the questions he was expecting Gon to ask, that one had certainly not been high on the list. But then again, Gon rarely did anything on Killua’s list of ‘expected Gon things’…

“They were a thing,” Killua said shortly, letting his eyes drop back down to the map.

“A-A thing?”

Killua snorted at Gon’s tone. “Yep.”

“As in…”

“Yes, that sort of thing. With a capital ’t’.”

“Oh.” A pause. “What happened?”

Killua looked back up the question, confused. “Huh?”

“You said ‘were’,” Gon said matter-of-factly. “So, what happened? Why did they break up?”

Killua blinked owlishly. He was genuinely surprised Gon noticed that. Not that Gon wasn’t smart, but. Well. He was more observant than Killua gave him credit for, sometimes.

“They…” Killua began, hesitating. How the hell could he explain this? “Kurapika wanted to stay in the Mafia. Leorio wanted out. So, they split.”

Gon’s frown from before returned in full, deepening at the corners. “But, didn’t they love each other?”

“Uh. Yeah? I guess. I mean, they were usually arguing whenever I saw them together, but—”

“If you really love someone, you should stay with them no matter what!” Gon said stubbornly. Killua eyed how Gon’s knuckles whitened under his tightening grip, honey eyes hardening to solid gold as they narrowed in anger. “That’s what love is all about!”

...jeez.

Killua sighed heavily, slumping back in his seat. “It’s not always that simple, Gon.”

“It should be! If you really, really love someone, that’s all that matters in the end!”

“Well.” Killua folded his arms over his chest. “Love actually was the problem, in the end.”

Gon stiffened at that. “W-What?”

“Kurapika is in the Mafia because of love,” Killua explained. “Familial love. He’s in it for revenge against his deceased family and he’ll never leave until he gets it. That love triumphs over everything—even what he and Leorio had. Leorio tried to convince him to leave with him, ‘course but—” he shrugged, “—Kurapika naturally refused. So, yeah. You’re right. Love wins, just not always in the way you expect.”

Gon didn’t say anything to that. He stayed quiet, silently absorbing what Killua had said, and Killua studied him in turn.

He let his gaze wander over those freckles scattered across broad cheeks like stars, focused honey eyes, the tired lines in Gon’s face softened by dawn. It was still too early for sun to rise yet, but light was starting to creep into the sky ever so slowly, painting the sky and Gon’s bronze skin in a warm glow.

Gon was talking about Kite, Killua thought to himself. He had to be. Gon’s definition for love was cut from the moments he was fighting for his life and the life of his friends against the ANTS. For Gon, it was all or nothing when it came to love.

For Killua, it was be grateful for what still remained.

“And…you helped him?”

Killua jolted out of his thoughts, face growing hot when he realized he’d been staring at Gon blankly that entire time.

“H-Huh?” he stammered with blazing red cheeks.

“You helped Leorio escape, right?” Gon repeated. He hadn’t noticed Killua’s gwaping since he’d been driving, and Killua couldn’t be more relieved. “That’s what Leorio kept saying. That must be how you two know each other!”

“Y-Yeah? So?” Killua furiously scrubbed at his flushed skin with the heel of one hand. He was only half listening to Gon at this point. He felt hot and prickling all over and he hated it.

But even more so, he hated how simultaneously comfortable and hyper-aware he was of Gon all damn the time. They’d only spent a week of being in each other’s near-constant company, but it was all too easy for Killua to let down his defenses around Gon. To joke and tease and challenge him almost as easily as he did with Alluka.

Even now, he and Gon had been in this rickety old car for at least an hour already, and yet the conversation had flowed easy and smooth, almost as if Killua was talking to Canary or Leorio or Kurapika, himself.

But the instant Killua really looked at Gon…

Another wave of heat crashed over him, accompanied with a strange little lurch in his stomach, and Killua grounded his teeth together.

Stupid, he snapped at himself. It’s early and you’re cranky and not fully awake right now. That’s all this is. None of these feelings mean anything—

“You know…you’re a really good person, Killua.”

Killua’s head whipped around. He stared at Gon, wide-eyed, as the other man smiled softly at the empty road.

“Idiot,” Killua finally said after a small pause. The insult had no bite, and he would have been mad at himself if not for the strange, heavy, twisting inside his chest. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I do, though! You helped Leorio, and you saved me last year!” Gon chirped. “I bet you’ve helped a whole bunch of people! And that makes you a good person!”

The heavy feeling was worse now; it was crushing his lungs, making it hard to breathe and get the following words out. He looked down at his lap, at his clasped hands, and blinked rapidly.

He whispered hoarsely, “I wouldn’t be so sure about that if I were you…”

“I am.”

Killua blinked when a warm hand enveloped his, squeezing once. The hand pulled away again before Killua could think to shake it off, and he looked up in time to see Gon leaning back into his seat with his gaze still on the horizon.

Killua’s heart sped up ever so slightly. He didn’t know when Gon had even looked over, or how he had managed to do that while still staying so focused. But—

But it made the crushing feeling lighten, somehow. It was hard not to believe Gon when he spoke with such conviction like that. Even when Killua’s heart seemed dead-set on proving him wrong.

Killua glanced out his window to hide the scarlet tinge his prickling cheeks. As steadily as he could manage, he said, “You and I have very different opinions on what qualifies as a good person, Gon.”

“Hmm. You think?”

“Yeah. I do.”

“Why’s that?”

Killua rolled his eyes at fields of grass flying past them. “Because. You’re this—this bubbling ray of sunshine—”

“I’ve seen my fair share horrors, Killua. Don’t forget that.”

Killua stiffened at Gon’s tone. He twisted back around; Gon’s face was carved from stone now, lips pressed into a thin line.

“I never said you hadn’t,” Killua said after a pause.

“I know.” Gon shot him a smile that didn’t reach his eyes before turning back to the road. “But I know that’s what you were thinking. Besides, it’s not what you’ve seen or done, I think. What makes you a good person is how you react to whatever life has handed you. It’s how you respond.”

Killua snorted bitterly. “Then that still makes me a bad person in your books.”

Gon’s expression became confused. “How? You’ve never done anything wrong or bad that I can see. Not ever!”

This was it: the moment of truth. Killua heard Alluka’s voice echoing in his head—

“This agreement, between us and Gon?” she said, sitting cross-legged on their shared bed just minutes before he left for his trip with Gon. “It’s a contract of trust, Brother.”

Killua wrinkled his nose. “Trust, huh?”

She bobbed her head. “Mhm! Trust! Think about it; Gon didn’t have to tell you all that stuff about Kite. Or anything about his past, right? He could have just said he wanted our help to find Kite’s body. But he didn’t. He told you something personal, something important to him; that night he put his trust in you.”

Killua leaned back, letting out a long breath. He hadn’t really thought about it like, well, that. He’d just thought…

He frowned. He didn’t know what he thought, actually. Gon was an enigma to him—an incredibly frustrating, freckled, and muscular enigma with a smile made from the sun itself, sure, but an enigma all the same. And Killua had lost plenty of hours of sleep trying and failing to pick apart the meaning in the playful glimmer in his eyes and hopeful curve of his lips.

“So,” Killua started, ignoring the slight warmth on his cheeks that always came from thinking about Gon a little too long. “What you’re saying is, I should trust him? With everything?”

“No, I’m saying that maybe you should cut him some slack. You don’t have to give him everything at once, and to be honest, you probably shouldn’t tell him everything anyway…”

Alluka bit her lip, fingers lingering along a strand of beaded hair she had just tucked behind her ear. The pink smiley-faced beads gleamed in the low light and Killua touched the bracelet on his left wrist out of reflex. The thread and beads were cool under his fingertips, just like always.

“Just—let your guard down a little,” Alluka said finally and Killua looked up to blue eyes that were so like his own. “It’s a matter of trust, remember? Tell him what you feel you can trust him with, and no more than that.”

Killua gripped his left wrist tightly, until the bracelet’s beads dug painfully into his skin. He didn’t flinch at the pain; this was nothing, compared to the heart-stabbing symbolism of the bracelet itself. “And what if I tell him too much?”

But Alluka just smiled. “You won’t. I trust you, Brother.”

Back in the car, Killua breathed in deep. Alluka trusted him. And Gon…Gon trusted him, too. Somehow.

But did Killua trust Gon?

“Killua?” Gon asked, a quiet but clear concern woven between the syllables of his name. “Are you okay?”

Killua leaned his head against the back of his seat. He ignored Gon’s question, instead stating flatly, “You know, I envy you, Gon.”

“Huh?” Confusion flooded Gon’s tone. “Wh-Why would you—”

“Your drive to avenge Kite,” Killua said loudly. He waved his hand in the air. “Your 'response’ or whatever you called it. It’s how how you’re reacting to the ANTS Hunter Extermination. That’s how you’re reacting to Kite’s death.”

There was a low, somewhat strained, chuckle from the driver’s seat. “I always thought you believed I was crazy for all of that.”

“Oh, you are. Don’t get me wrong. I think you’re totally insane and gonna get yourself killed one day wrapped up in all this ANTS bullshit. But—” Killua let out a long breath, his bangs flopping against his forehead. There was a tightness in his throat, a twisting in his stomach. He almost didn’t want to voice this confession, but…

But a larger part of him, a strange urging in his heart, wanted him to continue. Wanted him to give in and stop fighting, to surrender to whatever pull Gon seemed to have on him.

(And maybe, if he finally opened up, he would start to understand a fraction of the alien feelings Gon stirred within him)

So he plunged ahead, forcing the words out before he could overthink them:

“—but I think there’s some bravery in that. In refusing to forget the person you lost, and wanting to remember what they meant to you, wanting to take them back in some way from the people that took them away from you.”

He paused. “That’s what it is, right? That’s why you want Kite’s body back. Because you don’t want the ANTS to have his final remains after everything they did to him. They don’t deserve that right.”

He finally looked over at Gon. The other man had frozen, hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly that Killua could see the whiteness of his bones under taunt skin. Even Gon’s gold gaze was locked and unblinking on the road in front of them with his lips slightly parted in shock.

It took a few seconds, but with a shuddering breath, Gon came back to life. He swallowed thickly and Killua’s eyes automatically darted to where his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat—

“Killua,” Gon whispered hoarsely. His face was very pale, the palest Killua had seen yet. “H-How did you know all of that?”

“Because you’re not the only person who has lost loved ones.”

Gon’s mouth shut with a snap. Killua’s heart was heavy as lead now, and there was a burning in the back of his eyes that wouldn’t go away no matter how many times he blinked. But that always happened when he got like this.

Whenever he thought about Nanika.

“That’s why I envy you,” he continued and was proud at the steadiness of his voice. “Because you’re going back. You’re strong enough to do that. You care enough to do that. I—” he blinked rapidly, the world around him starting to blur, “—I w-wasn’t. And I probably won’t ever go back there again, even if I wanted to. I’m not strong like you are.”

Silence fell between them. Killua looked away and raised a shaking hand to his cheek. His skin was dry, thank god. But his eyes still prickled and his throat still felt raw with pain and the gaping hole inside his chest still chanted that same scream from when he was six years old:

'it’s all your fault it’s all your fault it’s all your fault she’s gone—’

“Is it…” Gon hesitated. Killua didn’t turn around, choosing instead to wait and let Gon speak for once. “Is it okay if I ask you what happened?”

Surprise shot down Killua’s spine. He felt like he’d been slapped in the face. He’d never thought—after saying all of that, after his entire speech and picking Gon’s motives apart and confessing a coded piece of his own past—

He never once thought Gon would ask for his permission for wanting to know more.

He laughed quietly, unable to stop himself. He pressed his hand to his mouth to keep the laughter locked away and his shoulders shook with the effort to keep himself calm.

“You,” he said breathlessly before flashing a smile at the confused driver. “Really are something, Gon. And yes, you can ask me anything. I don’t think I could stop you if I tried. Whether or not I actually answer is up to me, though.”

“O-Okay.” Gon’s brow furrowed. “Are you sure, Killua? I want to know, but you sound kind of weird—”

“I’m fine.” And he was. Really. He…he trusted Gon. With part of the truth, at least. “You said so yourself, you want to know about my past, right?”

“Um. Right, but I don’t want to force you—”

“You’re not forcing me into anything. You asked, and I’m going to tell you. It’s that simple.” Killua took a deep breath, folded his fingers together in his lap just to have something to do.

To keep them from shaking.

“I told you before that I have four siblings,” Killua began in a murmur. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Gon straighten in his seat. “And that is true, but it’s also not. I do have four siblings, but I have another one I didn’t mention to you: a fifth sibling.”

Killua heard Gon suck in a sharp breath. “A fifth sibling? Then, who’s–”

“Her name is Nanika,” Killua cut him off. He kept his gaze locked on the smiley-faced ring on his left pinky as he continued, “She’s Alluka’s twin, and my younger sister. We were inseparable when we were kids.”

“Alluka has a twin?” Gon repeated, sounding dumbfounded. Killua didn’t respond, waiting for the gears in Gon’s brain to click into place, because he knew Gon was smart enough to piece together the scattered hints from the past week their lives had collided and crashed and melded into each other—

Gon gasped suddenly. “Oh! The picture! From your bedroom! The one with you holding Alluka, that’s…that’s not Alluka at all, is it?”

His question ended in an unbearably soft tone. Killua gritted his teeth to stop the painful way his heart twisted and tore.

“No,” he finally choked out. “It’s not.”

There was a small pause. Then—

“Killua,” Gon said quietly, gently, why was Gon being so gentle— “What happened?”

Killua squeezed his eyes shut and breathed out through his nose.

“I don’t know,” he finally whispered. His throat was raw again, burning. Aching for something too long lost and never coming back. “I guess that’s the worst part of it all, not knowing. I should’ve known what was going to happen though; Alluka and Nanika were always brilliant from the moment they were born. Smarter than anyone. They were always inventing stuff when we were kids, you wouldn’t believe some of the things they made if I told you about them. They were true geniuses.”

Killua paused, then shook his head. “But my parents…they didn’t see Alluka and Nanika as anything more than tools. That’s how my family works: everyone is analyzed and valued to the extent that they can push the family forward. The greater their potential, the earlier they must be trained to use it. That’s all that matters.”

“My sisters’ potential was their minds. And my parents wanted that gift, wanted it badly. So, one night we went to sleep like usual, and the next day, they were gone.”

“Just like that?” Gon repeated. His tone was still soft, not at all demanding or harsh. “Without warning or anything?”

“Just like that.” Killua brought his legs to his chest and dropped his head onto his knees, wrapping his arms around his shins.

“God,” he choked out between gritted teeth to fight back the tears. “I wish I—I wish I had been smart enough to know better. But I was still under my parents thumb back then, so I didn’t. Who knows what kind of hell Alluka and Nanika went through while they were gone, what horrors my parents forced them to go through or invent just for the sake of advancing our family’s status.”

“Killua,” Gon started. “You can’t blame yourself for something like that, you sound like you were really young when this all happened—”

“Doesn’t matter. None of that matters. All that matters is that two years passed before I saw Alluka again, and by then, it was too late to do anything.”

Gon tensed. “Before you saw Alluka again? But, what about…?”

Killua felt hollow now. His voice was flat and empty when he said, “Alluka came back. Nanika didn’t. She never has, and she never will. She’s gone forever, my parents made sure of that. Alluka’s all I have left now.”

There was another long pause. A beat heavy enough for Killua to know the weight of his words had been felt. He bit his lip, letting his teeth sink into his flesh until the physical pain of his action hurt more than the pounding of his heart.

“…but you still have Alluka.”

Killua’s head snapped up. “What?”

“You still have Alluka,” Gon repeated in that same, steady tone. He turned briefly to smile at Killua and Killua stared back, stunned.

“Wh-What are you going on about now?” he stammered, caught off guard.

Gon looked back to the road. “Your family sounds evil. That’s not something Alluka could’ve escaped from on her own. And yet, she’s here today. How did she manage to survive this long after what happened to Nanika? How is Alluka still here?”

Killua shut his gaping mouth. Pinpricks of heat were starting to crawl across his cheeks. “I…I saved her. I made sure we escaped. I couldn’t let what happen to Nanika happen to her, so I got us out as soon as I could.”

“There you go,” Gon chirped. “See, Killua? You saved her, just like you saved me and Leorio. You saved us all.”

Killua struggled with what to say next, overwhelmed. He was caught between the crushing sadness over his dead sister, the embarrassed but light fluttering in his stomach at Gon’s praise, and frustration, because Gon didn’t understand what he was trying to say. It wasn’t the same thing. Because— “But I couldn’t save Nanika.”

“You can’t save everyone. I couldn’t save Kite, either,” Gon said and that shut Killua up. “You said you envy me, but to be honest, I envy you. You’re letting your love for Alluka win. You were strong enough to save her, to get her away from your parents. You’re strong enough to protect what’s most important to you.”

Killua’s heart twisted. He never thought about it like that. He always saw himself as weak for failing Nanika, and he knew he always would. But, somehow, Gon didn’t see it that way.

Gon said thoughtfully, “You know, we’re not that different, you and me. You lost Nanika, I lost Kite. We both lost someone important to us. We’re just dealing with that loss in different ways.”

Killua scowled. “Yeah. But you’re going to lose yourself in the path you’re going down,” he snapped.

Gon shrugged. “I never said what I was doing was smart or sane. I’m doing what I think needs to be done. It’s like what you said earlier; those ANTS don’t deserve to keep Kite’s body. I won’t let them.”

“You make it sound so simple,” Killua grumbled and Gon hummed.

“In theory, it is! In practice, not so much. But that’s why I have you.”

Heat flared in Killua’s cheeks. An abrupt surge of happiness rose inside him at Gon’s words, even though he knew how dumb it was. Gon was using him. That was all this was. He didn’t need Killua for any reason besides this crazy mission of his, and then it was goodbye forever.

Killua looked out the window, eyes stinging. He kept his gaze firmly locked on the ever brightening horizon as he said, “Yeah, well. It’s not really me you need. Alluka’s the one doing most of the heavy lifting here, digging through data on the computers and everything.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Gon said softly and the hairs on the back of Killua’s neck rose. “You’re the one with me right now, aren’t you?”

Killua’s head whipped around.

Gon was staring ahead at the road, just like always, like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Like he hadn’t just whispered something that made Killua’s breath catch in his throat, and his skin tingle with electricity.

The only hint that he’d been looking at Killua at all, in fact, was the slight curve of those perfect lips into a smirk, and the loud, rapid pounding of Killua’s heart against his ribcage.

Gon gasped suddenly. “Oh! Killua, look—”

Before Killua could speak, Gon swiftly pulled the car over to the side of the road. He turned off the engine, scrambled out of his seat, and was pulling open Killua’s door in record time.

“G-Gon?!” Killua yelped as Gon tugged him onto the grass by his wrist. He stumbled to get his footing while Gon half-yanked him up a hill and away from Leorio’s car. His clumsiness didn’t help rid the still-scarlet tinge of his cheeks from Gon’s suggestive commentary only minutes earlier, and he gritted his teeth in frustration.

“Hey!” he yelled at Gon’s back. “Gon, slow down a second! Where are we going?!”

“Just a few more steps, Killua! Then you’ll see, I promise!”

He pulled Killua forward again. They finally made it to the top of the hill and Killua shivered as a small gust of wind hit his face. He closed his eyes with a wince, turning away slightly. It was only after the wind had passed that he was able to hesitantly squint out at the sight in front of him.

Killua sucked in a sharp breath, eyes flying open wide.

Just like with the sunset Gon had shown him only yesterday, this morning’s sunrise was breathtaking in every sense of the word. Dark reds and bright yellows outlined the sun as it started to cross the horizon and rise into the sky, bringing with it light and warmth. The clouds hanging low in the atmosphere turned from shocking pink to a soft purple, just as the sky itself was slowly giving way to a natural but soft blue.

“See?”

Killua blinked out of his reverence. He turned to see Gon beaming happily at him.

“I told you sunrises were just as beautiful as sunsets!” he said proudly. He squeezed their still-interlocked hands and Killua’s heart jumped into his throat at the feel of Gon’s fingers curled around his.

Quickly, he looked back at the view to hide his flushed face. “Y-Yeah, you did…”

And I said if I ever saw a sunrise with anyone, Killua thought, mouth dry and skin tingling where Gon touched him, they’d have to be something really special.

So…what exactly did that say about Gon?

Killua didn’t know. He never thought about the sunrise as anything more than having to be awake too many hours too early. But then again, he’d never talked about Nanika before, either. Not even with Alluka. It was too painful, and no one could fully understand what her loss meant to him.

And yet, he had talked her with Gon.

Killua raised his face to the rainbow-colored sky as more butterflies came to life in his stomach. Maybe he needed to spend more time looking at sunrises, after all.

#dc writes #killugon #hunterxhunter #killua zoldyck #gon freecss #Graffiti #Graffiti chp6 #leorio paladiknight #gang au #modern art #mafia au #alluka zoldyck #okay i think that's it

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