#( *&. self; )

[fatalexmonstrum]

[More eldritch vibes, ya feel me?]

[yunalai]

IT'S DONE YIPPEE YIPPEE!!!!

[rngyis]

a cup of tea

cw;; none

/ little kit POV from @aeinova's latest writing, ft her and @nonlucidly

Tension loomed in the air, Kit standing with her arms folded over her chest with a look of anger directed at Jin. “You can’t just decide for me! When Nova wakes up, we need to be together. All of us. I’m going with you.”

The older male shook his head, his jaw visibly clenched. “No, Ryangyi. It’s way too dangerous, you are going to stay here. End of discussion.”

“Dangerous?” She scoffed. “How can that be the only detail you give me?” Kit’s voice rose, though she tried to keep it quiet, not wanting to disturb a sleeping Nova in the other room. “She is my best friend, you are my best friend. I can’t just let you take her away without knowing where you’re going, especially when you keep using words like ‘dangerous’. That’s not fucking fair, and you know it!”

Jin stepped closer, his voice lowering and his gaze intensifying. She had never seen him this serious, and despite the nervousness that crept over her, she stood her ground. “That’s exactly why you can’t come. If something happens, I cannot have you in the middle of it. You’re pregnant, Ryangyi. You have to think about your baby. Not me, not Nova.”

“I am thinking about my baby!” She shot back despite knowing he was right, tears beginning to rim her eyes. “What if something happens to you both? I can’t just sit around while you two go off into God knows what!” A heavy silence hung between them as Jin just stared at the younger girl, a soft sigh being the first thing to break it.

“You’re not thinking straight, Ryangyi . You’ll be safer here, okay? Nova will be okay, I’ll make sure of it. The same way I’m making sure you’ll be okay, by staying here. Please, I need you to understand.” Jin’s voice was soft but firm, but Kit was notoriously stubborn.

“No, she won’t! You’re making a choice for her, for me, for all of us, and I won’t just accept that! Why do you think you’re always the boss of us?!” Her frustration bubbled over, and she felt hot tears finally spill down her cheeks. “I can’t believe you’re being so reckless.”

“Reckless?” His eyes flared, but he paused and just took a breath, calming himself. “I’m trying to protect you both. Please, just trust me on this.”

Kit’s anger faded just as quickly as it had come, finally replaced by the weight of the helplessness she felt. She wiped her tears away, feeling defeated. “Fine. Do what you want. But if anything happens, I will never forgive you.” 

The older male stepped closer to close the gap between them, his hand coming up to wipe the tears that were still falling. Kit’s eyes closed, not wanting to look at him anymore. With that, she turned and walked into the kitchen, her heart heavy as she began to prepare a cup of tea. Jin didn’t follow her or attempt to speak to her, only going to find a spot on the couch.

The kettle whistled as the water reached its boiling point, a dull sound against the storm of emotions swirling inside her. She tried to focus on her simple task at hand, but all she could think about was the uncertainty that was beginning to plague her. She could always feel there were unspoken secrets floating around the trio, but she never bothered to ask. Now, things were happening, and all she could do was feel left out. Forgotten.

When Nova finally appeared in the living room, all of her previous emotions were replaced by the relief that washed over her. In the corner of her eye, she noticed Jin sprawled on the nearby loveseat, completely unfazed. Typical.

“Nova, are you okay?” Kit rushed forward, wrapping her arms around Nova in a tight embrace. She needed to feel her familiar warmth, to confirm that her best friend was truly okay. She felt tears prick at her eyes again. In a playful attempt to lighten the mood, maybe her own, she poked Nova’s sides, but all she earned was a groan in response.

“Tell me you’re okay and stop getting into trouble, idiot—!” Her heart raced, an audible mix of worry and frustration lining her words.

Before Nova could respond, Jin’s voice severed their reunion moment, sharp and commanding. “Hey. Stop.” His heavy footsteps echoed as he approached the pair, and the warmth between the girls suddenly evaporated. “We need to leave. Now.”

Her heart sank as she watched Nova glance at her, an unspoken conversation passing between them. Kit didn’t argue or fight against Jin’s insistence this time. Instead, she pulled away.

“I’ll be here,” Ryangyi murmured, feeling defeated. As she watched her two best friends step out into the unknown, a deep sense of uselessness washed over her. She wished she could follow, she wished she could help. With a sigh, she went back to fixing her cup of tea, which ultimately would remain untouched.

[ionianwanderer]

{ doodles hehe @axewhirl @yunalai @witchcraftandburialdirt :) }

[ofbattlcs]

        It's a b*tch convincing people to like you.

fandomless/multifandom OC

[coolitsriver]

the hardest goodbye | self.

when: helping hands care home

where: september 15th, 2023, at 7:15 pm

triggers: death, mentions the word 'hospital' once

description: river says goodbye to his favourite resident at helping hands care home.

River's alarm clock blinked at 6:30 AM, and he groaned as he forced himself out of bed. It was another work day at the Helping Hands Care Home, and as much as River would rather stay home with his girlfriend and their animals, he was ready to tackle today's shift. He had been working at Helping Hands for a few years now, it was a job that he'd always planned to be temporary. He'd stay for a summer and then find something else. However, months turned into years. River fell in love with the rewards of the job and its residents but there was one resident in particular who had captured his heart—Poppy.

Poppy, an 88-year-old woman with snow-white dreads and a mischievous glint in her eyes, had been at Helping Hands for as long as River could remember. She had a vivacity that seemed out of place in a care home. River often said she was a timeless beauty, and she teased him about his endless charm. Their bond was more than just caregiver and resident; it was a genuine friendship. River had never had a motherly figure in his life and Poppy had never been given the opportunity to bear children. In a way. they fulfilled positions in one another's lives. If you asked Poppy, she'd tell you she had a son. Just not a blood-related one.

It was bright and early when River started making his rounds. He always left Poppy til last so that he could spend extra time with her without worrying about other residents needing his help. He smiled to himself when he made it to her room, knocking once before entering. She was in the same place as always, her rocking chair by the window - glasses on and a newspaper in hand. "Morning, flower."

Poppy looked up from her crossword puzzle, her eyes twinkling. "Ah, River, my handsome boy. Come, help me with this tricky word."

As they spent the morning wrestling with crossword clues and sharing stories, River couldn't help but admire Poppy's spirit. She had lived a full life, filled with adventures, love, and heartbreak. Her resilience had become an inspiration to him, and he was grateful for every moment they spent together. River would often sit with Poppy, reading her favourite novels or playing her cherished old records. Sometimes, they would take strolls in the beautifully landscaped gardens around Helping Hands, and Poppy would share tales of her youth—dancing under the stars, traveling the world, and falling in love. He'd tell her about what was going on in his life. About his family, his friends - she was the first person he'd told when he realised he'd fallen in love with Cleo. Poppy had even gotten him birthday cards to give to his family and friends - remembering every person who meant something to River. For, in a way, they now meant something to her.

River wished he'd met Poppy earlier in his life, for maybe things could've been different for him if he had. Still, he reminds himself that everything he'd gone through had led them to meet. However, he still wished he had. For he would've been able to have more time with Poppy. Because, life has its seasons, and as autumn leaves fell, so did Poppy's health. Her visits to the hospital became more frequent, and River was by her side through it all, holding her hand during those long nights, and offering comfort with a reassuring smile.

It was a cold September evening when River was on shift. He was where he always was - in Poppy's room with her Mighty Sparrow record on. She'd always embraced her Trini culture and River loved to learn more. Thus, how they found themselves here, River and Poppy dancing together.

"My boy, I don't know how you learned to move your hips like this. Even in my 20s, men couldn't move that freely."

"I have a pretty good teacher, what can I say?"

"Well, your girlfriend is very lucky."

"Oi, down girl."

They both laughed at that before it was abruptly cut off by the sound of Poppy's coughs - stopping their dance as she struggled to keep standing. All sense of joy left the room, River quickly wrapped his arms around her and helped her to her bed. As soon as he was sure she was safely in, he went to turn off the record player.

"Well, didn't that just kill the damn mood?" Poppy tried to joke through her coughs. River made his way to her side, picking up a glass of water for her to help her drink.

"That's alright. We can try again tomorrow." River said confidently, almost as if he was avoiding the decline in her health recently. Avoiding the truth that tomorrow for them wasn't promised. Still, he chose to avoid that thought because he wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to be without her.

Poppy smiled, though it didn't meet her eyes. Almost as if she knew. "I suppose." She got out, letting her body relax and lying propped up in bed. She settled, glancing over at her favourite helper. "River, you've brought so much light into my life. And I've lived a long, beautiful life, so, that's saying something." She teased while looking lovingly at the young man. "I adore you, you know that?"

"Course I do." River smiled, taking her hand into his to gently squeeze. "Where's all this coming from?"

"I just wanted to say it," Poppy admitted. Usually, she'd have some playful quip to say in response. But, not today. Again, it's like she knew they wouldn't have tomorrow. "You've been my rock, my confidant, and my friend. You deserve the world, my boy. I know you don't want to be at this home forever. You have your movies to make and a life to live. I just want you to live a long and beautiful life like I did."

"I'll have plenty of time to make movies. I'm not leaving while you're still here." He kissed the back of her hand. "This is where I wanna be right now. I promise."

Poppy smiled sadly, she had learned that about River over the time she'd gotten to know him. He had a habit of putting everyone before himself. She hoped one day, he'd do something purely for himself. "Put yourself first for once, you idiot." She teased him before shaking her head. She motioned to her bedside table, "Well, as you're here, make yourself useful. I've got $15 in there - can you go to the store to get me a lottery ticket?"

River rolled his eyes, opening the drawer to take out the money. "88 years old and still doing the lottery. Shameful." He teased before he got up properly. "But, of course. You want anything else?"

"Just that, thanks." She watched as River walked to the doorway. She grinned, "I want you to bring back all of my change, you hear? Not a penny less."

"Yes ma'am." He teased, winking at her for the final time before he walked out towards the staff room to grab his jacket and car keys. He wasn't really meant to do secret store visits for residents but Poppy was always the exception.

It wasn't more than 20 minutes later that River made it back to Helping Hands. Quickly jumping out of the car, he made his way inside - wanting to deliver Poppy her lottery ticket before his supervisor or any one of his colleagues realised he was gone. Making his descent down to Poppy's room, he was shocked to find several employees and his supervisor outside Poppy's room and in her doorway. The sight of it scared him, his pace picking up.

"What's going on?" River asked worried. There was only one reason why he'd ever seen everyone gathered like this outside of a resident's room before and it wasn't for any good reason. His supervisor, Kim, walked out of Poppy's room at the same time he asked. The look on her face said it all.

"River," Kim started, "I'm really sorry. I'm not sure how to tell you this." She started, watching the colour draining from River's face with every word she spoke. "One of the nurses went to check on Poppy to give her evening meds and she was ... gone by the time they came in. She's passed away, Riv."

"N-No. No, that can't be. I-I was just with her. She was fine! She was tired but she was fine!" River knew his tone was getting louder, he really hadn't meant it to. But, all he felt at this moment was panic and disbelief. "Are you sure-"

"The home's doctor called it. Workers from the medical center are coming within the hour to take her to the mortuary." Kim and everyone at Helping Hands knew just how devastating this news was going to be for River. Everyone knew just how special the bond River and Poppy had. And everyone also knew how devastated he'd be that he wasn't with her when she passed. "Do you want to spend some time with her? I'll get everyone to clear out so you can have some space. Say your ... goodbyes."

He still couldn't believe this was happening. "I-uh-" He stuttered, a rare moment of River McGrath being completely speechless. "... Y-yes." was all he could get out. He watched in slow motion as Kim ushered everyone away, leaving him standing next to the open doorway of Poppy's room. He was scared, truthfully. To walk inside and see her so lifeless. However, he knew he had no choice in the matter. He had to say goodbye, to deliver her lottery ticket one last time. He took a deep breath and made his way inside.

The silence was eerie. All her belongings and items were left as he'd last seen them. His eyes finally made it to her bed, Poppy lying in bed peacefully above the covers with her eyes closed. She looked like she was sleeping, but the closer he got to her, the more he realised she'd lost all life and colour already.

"You couldn't have waited til I got back, huh?" He teased, feeling the shock transform slowly into sadness and grief. "I brought back all your change. $3.50. Not a penny less, like you said. What if this is finally the time you win the lottery and you die? You have the worst timing."

He placed the lottery ticket and change on her bedside table before he sat next to her. "You would've laughed at that." He uttered like a whisper. "Please laugh." His voice broke. The reality started to settle in and River, vowing to always hold back his tears, let the floodgates loose.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't here." He sobbed quietly, taking her frail hand into his own. "I'm not ready to lose you, Pop. I feel like I have so much more I had to learn from you. I had so much I wanted to say." He rambled, "I just ... I wish we had more time. I wish you were in my life sooner. You've been the mother I've never had. I'm never gonna be able to thank you enough for that."

He sniffled, "I love you. I know you wouldn't want me to be sad but fuck, I'm gonna miss you terribly." He let out a chuckle through his tears. "Your strength and grace will always leave me in awe. You were such a bright person and I really do hope there's some sort of afterlife cause I don't wanna believe I'll never see you again." He kissed the back of her hand, letting himself lean down to rest his head against her body. He held her, sobbed, and allowed himself to grieve the loss of a remarkable woman. He knew there was no future for him at Helping Hands after this, having meant what he said that he wasn't going anywhere if she was still here.

"This is the worst fucking pain I've ever felt in my life but it's worth it from having you in my life even for a short amount of time." He whispered gently to her. "You'll never understand how much our bond meant to me. I hope I did the same for you, flower."

As River sobbed, sobbed, and sobbed, he came to understand that Poppy's gift to him was not just their friendship but the realization that love and compassion have the power to transcend generations. And in the heart of the Helping Hands Care Home, a river of compassion continued to flow, connecting lives, memories, and the enduring legacy of a remarkable woman named Poppy.

[stealingpotatoes]

i hauve a cold

[hawkeabelas]

you're allowed to say "sex" on the internet. See? I just did it. Sex. Sex sex sex. You don't have to say s*x or smex or Adult Fun Times or s3x or "spice" any other variation of self-censorship on tumblr dot com you can just spell out the word SEX i am going to scream until the heat death of the universe

[islamprotestan-blog]

only 5 seconds

[nedcaratacus]

[donnieisaprettyboy]

“what if kids identify with something and it ends up just being a phase-?” good. stop teaching and expecting kids (and adults honestly) to formulate permanent traits and ideas of themselves. everything in life is a phase. that doesn’t make it any less legitimate while you experience it. let people explore themselves and know it’s okay if what you think about yourself changes.

[fatalexmonstrum]

[yunalai]

he is so proud of himself

[rngyis]

new beginnings.

cw;; brief mentions of abuse

Ryangyi stood amidst the luxurious ambiance of the baby boutique, enveloped by elegantly arranged displays of pastel onesies and meticulously crafted booties. The soft, ambient lighting highlighted the different textures of the tiny garments, casting a warm glow on the polished marble floors. She caressed the fabric of a delicate, light pink onesie, its serene color a gentle contrast to the shadows of her past.

Her heart was pounding, not from the weight of her shopping bag, but from the weight of the decision she’d recently come to make. It was hard to connect the woman she was now with the woman she used to be. She tried to imagine her ex’s reaction if he saw her, standing here , alone, making choices for a future she’d never thought she’d have. The thought was almost laughable to her. In fact, she felt a grin fix itself on her lips.

A quick flash of an old memory: her ex’s harsh words cutting through the air like daggers across their shared apartment. “You’ll never be anything,” he’d spat one evening, his voice thick with anger as he threw a glass against the wall, a shard or two breaking off and bouncing off of Ryangyi’s arm. “You’re worthless.”

She blinked, pushing the memory away. The pain of those moments still lingered every now and then, but it was feeling less like a ghost that haunted her with each week that passed. It was simply a part of her past now, and it was one she had no intention of repeating.

She picked up a small, knitted hat, holding it close to her face. The yarn was soft and warm, a stark contrast to the chilling detachment of her past. She could almost feel the warmth of her baby’s head nestled inside, babbling and cooing at her. This was real; this was happening.

Another memory flashed—this one not of cruelty, but of desperation. She was sitting in a bathroom, tears streaming down her face, a needle lying discarded on the floor beside her. The older man who’d haunted her sat nearby, laughing at some message on his phone as she fought to stay conscious. She’d thought she was beyond repair then, convinced that she’d never find her way back. But here she was, trying to choose between a pair of tiny socks or a teddy bear hat.

She took a deep breath, centering herself back to the task ahead. After the father of her child had ended their fling, she never imagined he would play a role in her future, especially not in this way. Learning she was pregnant had come as a shock, a new responsibility she hadn’t anticipated. Although he hadn’t been anything like her previous partner, the situation was complicated. She understood now that love wasn’t just about sharing joyous moments but also about being present when it truly mattered. Each step away from her past had illuminated that truth, leaving her to navigate whether and how to let him be part of this new chapter.

Ryangi moved down the aisle, her fingers grazing over the selection of baby clothes. She picked up a tiny white onesie, its color reminding her of the fresh start she was determined to make. She envisioned a life for her and her child that was filled with hope, not the broken promises and harsh words of her past.

The store was almost empty, save for a woman who was quietly sorting through a pile of bibs. Ryangyi made her way to the checkout, her heart a mix of nerves and resolve. As she waited in line, she glanced down at the small pile of clothes she had chosen. Each piece was a symbol of the future she was working to create—one where love and stability were not just ideas, but promises.

As she paid for the items, the cashier gave her a warm smile. Ryangyi managed a small, genuine smile in return, her heart swelling with her new sense of purpose. She left the store carrying her bags, stepping into the sunlight with a newfound strength.

Her past had left its marks, but it no longer dictated her future. With each step, she felt the weight of her past lift, replaced by the light of possibility. She had made it through the shadows, and now, she was ready to embrace the future.

Ryangyi looked at the tiny clothes, feeling a fierce determination rising within her. She was no longer the person who had been crushed by the weight of her mistakes. She was going to be a mother now, and she would be the best one she could manage. No more darkness. Only the light of a new beginning.

[ionianwanderer]

{ they're getting ready for pride :) }