#( verse.02 ) / ▼ down the rabbit hole .

[callsigntrixx]

@unlockthestars: you guys are a real pain in the ass, you know that? [From Leon, affectionate]

"Seriously? 'Cause I'd think compared t' Brennan, we're a fuckin' delight."

Of course, Jodie's 4-story ass didn't just crash through a motorway overpass. If Leon wanted to talk pain in the ass, he could come and check out what she was going through. Just because it hadn't happened to her physical body, didn't mean she wasn't still feeling it in the hours after downloading. She had warned them that it was risky to have her feeling like she was walking 'round in stilts, but did they listen?

miscellaneous sentence prompts

[missallanea-archive]

"No one prepares ye for when yer feckin' nose itches, but ye got no nose tae scratch." Despite her holon have no nose, Cammie's hand does, in fact, lift to scratch uselessly at her face. Zero relief to be found.

@caeloservare for JAMES IRONWOOD || sc

[theghostpinesmusic]

It's been a bit since my previous post about the 6/11 "Inside Out," but I'm finally back to finish writing about this show!

6/11's second set is an absolute monster. It starts with a noteworthy "Rockdale," which fades in out of an evil storm of set-opening noise and features two big jams in spite of its short-ish runtime: one great, blissed-out section and then another, more rhythm-heavy syncopated space that recalled the first set's "Inside Out" jam to me. The band drops some "Spirit Of The Dark Horse" teases in there, too, and eventually there's a full-on, masterful transition into "Dark Horse."

Later on in the set, there's a much-needed cooldown in the form of a nice take on "A Western Sun" before a magma blast of a "Hot Tea" closes things out before a "Jive 2" encore.

And in the middle of it all sits this "Hungersite." I usually do a little bit of a background on the history of the song that I'm covering here, but in this case it feels a bit unnecessary: "Hungersite" has been a monster jam vehicle for the band pretty much since they debuted it in early '22 at the COVID-rescheduled Goosemas run.

The second-ever version was part of the sledgehammer 3/12/22 show (which the band did an official streaming release of). A few other versions that jump to mind immediately include the '23 Salt Shed version (a 32+ minute behemoth that's one of the best things to come out of that bonkers year of music), the 11/20/23 version that I've covered previously, and the Capitol Theater and Fiddler's versions from the beginning of the Cotter era. But honestly? You put on any version longer than ten or twelve minutes and it's likely to send you down some rabbit hole of jam or another. I was actually surprised to get two versions of the song during the last run of shows I saw in person and have both be pretty straightforward shred-fests. I almost feel like there's something about the fact that the song itself is one of Goose's most pop-rock-like tunes that motivates them to drive the jams out of it into weirder and weirder spaces, out a perverse desire to curdle its catchiness.

But maybe that's just me.

Anyway, this version fades in cleanly out of the ending of "Dark Horse," and Rick starts off the song by starting to sing the second verse first by mistake, which is fun. I always dig Peter's harmonies, but there's something especially great about them during the verses of this song. And of course, the song's built-in guitar-peak-bomb (it happens in this version at 3:37) is fun every single time. After the end-of-song breakdown, the jam starts here at 6:02.

Even though the band brings the intensity very briefly back up to reach this point, they almost immediately back back off. Rick, Trevor, and Peter are all delicately intertwining melodies at first, which contrasts with heavier, shuffle-y percussion.

Before long, Peter establishes a piano riff that takes precedence, with Rick and Trevor filling in around it. This is a bit more dynamic than the repeating patterns that Peter sometimes offers up during these kinds of jams, and it works to keep the momentum going. There's a point in there where Rick's noodling almost sounds like "Norwegian Wood" to me, but it only happens briefly. Nonetheless, his tone is great here.

The band hangs out in this space for a bit, and while it doesn't change dramatically during the course of the next few minutes, everyone is contributing creatively to the sonic space and the groove is relentless. I've noticed this sort of thing happening a lot more since Cotter joined the band: instead of jams where one player (usually, but not always Rick) leads the rest of the band, everyone just sort of plays together for five minutes or so before changing gears. It might or might not be your cup of tea (to be honest, I enjoy both approaches and so am not going to choose favorites here), but it seems to be at least somewhat a product of the lineup change, so I imagine we'll see more of it in the future, not less.

The intensity starts to pick up a bit around 11:00 (I'm hearing Trevor much more insistently during this section, in particular), and it feels like the actual tempo maybe picks up a bit after that. The light rig looks fantastic at 12:00 or so. At 13:20, Rick (and the rest of the band) blasts out of quintessential Goose-rock peak, and they sit on that very briefly before Rick injects some tension into the jam. This goes on for way longer than feels comfortable (in a good way) before exploding back into the peak of this initial jam.

At this point, we're nine or so minutes into the jamming and we've heard a really solidly-played, locked-in bit of improv that is also pretty typical for the band. But at 15:00, we fade out of this space and enter another one. Interestingly, Trevor keeps playing a bassline based on the original jam while the rest of the band moves on, which makes for an interesting effect: the drums become more syncopated, Peter moves to a really reverb-heavy clav sound, and Rick starts dropping sporadic notes over it all while bopping around.

You can tell they're really feeling it here. This is good stuff. The laser lights accentuate the launch spaceward. I'm reminded here again of the joke I saw online a long time ago that described Goose as "Reverb: The Band." I don't think that's a particularly inaccurate caricature, but when all the reverb sounds this good, I don't mind it at all.

Tone-wise, Rick moves from reverb to something decidedly more digital-sounding around 19:00, which changes the flavor of the jam a bit without requiring any serious recalibration. Peter, in turn, moves to a tone that sounds very (for lack of an original term) "plinko-y." Sonically, the jam is getting weirder and weirder here without sacrificing any of the driving groove it started with.

When Trevor's bass really starts coming in in earnest around 20:45, it is absolutely growling. Pared with whatever the hell Peter is doing at that point, it is a gnarly-sounding space. I love it. Rick stays in the high range in contrast, trying as much as possible to make his guitar sound like a pinball machine.

Then, at 21:30, Peter switches back to piano, and shortly after, Rick switches off the pinball-machine effect, and, just that quickly, we're back in a classic-sounding Goose jam space for the home stretch. Nobody told Trevor to stop dropping those warbling bass bombs, though, so he doesn't. It's so fun listening to many of these longer jams from June and September to hear when and where certain members of the band choose to keep or give up on parts of one jam when moving to another.

Here's the intensity keeps building and building until the jam finally just...ends. It's a strong finish to a version of "Hungersite" that does get pretty weird, but also just runs full-out for its entire twenty-four minute length. It's pretty great.

[fwoopersongs]

《红颜旧》 - afterthoughts

We were talking about the three songs 《红颜旧》, 《风起时》 and 《赤血长殷》 from Nirvana in Fire in Langya Hall back in January. Someone wanted a poll to find out which was our favourite among the three, and thinking of how to answer that made me realise I couldn’t remember which I liked the most! So of course I had to go listen to them again, right? As it turns out, though it’s been about five to six years since first hearing them all, I still have quite a bit to say…

This will be the first of a three-parter on the NIF drama songs. I'll be rambling on (really just a whole lot of rambling lol) about my thoughts, feelings and new stuff found in the elapsing time between 2016 and now for 《红颜旧》. There’s also been so many translations! WOW. At least 6 full ones from English to Chinese - some of these have really interesting notes! One retelling in classical Chinese following the style of the Classic of Poetry (Shijing) and one tumblr meta about its use in the drama. There are many things I love about everyone’s work so I’ll definitely be mentioning them later as we go on.

Feel free to join in and chat, because nif song talk will always be welcome in this blog ~

The non-exhaustive list of 《红颜旧》 translations: 19 Oct 2015, Changing Face by 墨白妈妈 04 Dec 2015, Aging of a Beauty (and translation notes) by Joyce 02 Jan 2016, Fading Beauty by Fwoopersongs 03 Feb 2016, Bygone Beauty by xjc396 24 Jun 2016, 《红颜旧》by Yvonne 23 Mar 17, Shijing style classical chinese by 之梦轩主人 06 May 2017, Faded Beauty by Kana @chiyanjun 30 Jan 2021, The Aging of Beauty, chorus only & meta on its use as an insert song in Episode 54 by @hunxi-after-hours.

All the kudos to Joyce’s ‘Notes Made When Translating: Aging of a Beauty’ because her cultural notes and analysis are just so good!!!! She did it for the other two songs and also the NIF game theme too. Would strongly recommend checking those out as I learnt a lot and had a fantastic and rather educational time reading them \o/ rabbit holing in song translation is such a MOOD.

ORIGINS

Lyricist: 袁亮 Music & Arrangement: 赵佳霖

Originally released as 《忍别离》 Endure Separation, the third song of Cui Zige’s guofeng themed album 《小美人》 The Little Beauty in Dec 2013, 《红颜旧》 was later adopted as an insert song of the 2015 drama, Nirvana in Fire. I thought it was specially written as Mu Nihuang’s character song, but apparently not! But it’s really the beauty of music and credit to whoever picked it that it’s just so easily relatable to her.

The one difference I can spot between the two songs would be in the last line, likely as an improvement for better flow:

不变是此情悠悠 - 《忍别离》 bù biàn shì cǐ qíng yōu yōu 唯不变此情悠悠 - 《红颜旧》 wéi bù biàn cǐ qíng yōu yōu

TITLE

As both Joyce and Yvonne have noted, 红颜 | hóngyán is used here to refer to the lovely features of a beautiful woman. 

Although 红颜 is more often used to refer to a woman, sometimes in poetry it also evokes the image of a youth, young men or boys in the peak of health with fresh faces and pinkish-red cheeks. For example, this poem by Shen Yue of the Northern and Southern Dynasties and also this one by Du Fu of the Tang Dynasty. Before, I vaguely knew of the word 红颜 through the chengyu 红颜知己 | hóngyán zhījǐ, which one would call a close female friend and confidante. A relationship with a 红颜知己 is somewhere between platonic and romantic. Something like how we imagine Lin Shu and Nihuang’s relationship would have been like once upon a time.

Then comes 旧 | jiù, a word with many meanings! Yvonne covers most of them in her little preface; something worn out, something old, something from the past, perhaps an old lover.

Most of us seem to have gone with the ‘old’ or ‘growing old’ shade of meaning; choosing to use ‘beauty’ for 红颜, and rendering 旧 either as an ongoing process of aging/fading or as something of the past that is faded or bygone. There is something melancholy about this title I think, in the passing of a lady’s youth and beauty, but something strong in there too, in a young face that is aging with grace.

My first attempt at the title before making any attempt at translating the song was ‘Lady Love of Old’ and it was left as that for some time before I gave in to a nagging feeling and changed it to ‘fading beauty’, then eyed ‘bygone beauty’ for some time. I can still see it as all the options though. Especially when squinting (figuratively xD) and that’s why I prefer to call it hongyanjiu to this day. That way you don’t lose any shade of the meaning...

And oh! An interesting exception among us would be 墨白妈妈 who went with Changing Face, as a reference to the William Butler Yeats poem ‘When You Are Old’.

“But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you, And loved the sorrows of your changing face”

And you know what? This is so valid. I like it a lot as well!

OKAY, and now for the song! I’ve gone as literal as possible for all the interpretations. I’ll go over it line by line for interesting points in the original lyrics, plus across the various translations. Maybe a little bit afterwards on more feelings and/or why I chose to deviate a bit sometimes.

INTRO

西风夜渡寒山雨  A west wind blows past in the night; in the cold mountains, rain falls. 家国依稀残梦里  With home and country indistinct in fragmented dreams, 思君不见倍思君  thinking of him but not seeing him, my longing doubles. 别离难忍忍别离  Parting is hard to bear, but it is borne.

One of the things I’ve learnt since 2016, is that 西风 | xī fēng, a wind from the west is often associated with autumn wind, and with it a certain heaviness, sorrow, grief and loneliness. As an example, this poem (in English here) by Song Dynasty minister and poet, Ye Mengde, which I love for its imagery in the first two lines.

《水调歌头·霜降碧天静》 - Water tune prelude · after the snow falls // 霜降碧天静 秋事促西风 | after the snow falls, the azure sky is clear and all is quiet; autumn preparations are hurried by west winds. 寒声隐地初听 中夜入梧桐 | the whooshing of that chilling wind, indistinct in the beginning, rustles the parasol trees as we enter into the night

Photo source

渡 | dù, a word I’ve been thinking about lately, has multiple meanings. Crossing (a river), to cross, ferry or move pass. Here, because the location is in a 寒山 | hán shān cold mountain, the 渡 would be referring to the west wind blowing past. Both 墨白妈妈 and Kana used ‘sail’ in their first line as a nod to the word’s other meanings, which is very clever and a really nice touch because it calls the same associations to mind.

残 | cán, the word for fragmented of 残梦里 | cán mèng lǐ - within fragmented dreams - is the same as that of the word for cruel, 残忍 | cán rěn. When I first heard the song with the lyrics in front of me, I didn’t know 残梦 was a word by itself and understood it as ‘cruel dreams’. Home and country as you remember them being dangled in front of you, but barely in sight and out of reach. I still like that interpretation right now, and thus kept the line as is.

For the line 思君不见倍思君, the word 君 | jūn here refers to a man who could be her husband, could be a beau, could be a friend - Joyce covers it all already!

Special mention for 倍 | bèi, meaning many times over or double in this context of 倍思君: it was difficult to express that feeling (I gave up xD) of thoughts reaching out for someone, finding a void and only able to settle back - not subsiding but growing instead. It was so cool to see that someone did manage to capture it in the end! In Kana’s ‘Missing you but not seeing you, twice does the yearning grow’, that return of the yearning twofold is expressed so elegantly!

The fourth line of the intro along with some of the lines from the next verse calls one of Li Shangyin’s untitled poems to mind, so I’ll introduce it below.

VERSE 

狼烟烽火何时休  When will the beacons of war rest? 成王败寇尽东流  Victors become king, losers - outlaws; it all flows east (to the sea). 蜡炬已残泪难干 Although the candles have burnt till only reside is left, it is difficult for tears to dry. 江山未老红颜旧 Before the mountains and rivers grow old, the beauty ages.

For the first two lines, Joyce already covers them with a really detailed explanation and pictures. Do go check that out if you haven’t already! I especially enjoyed learning about 狼烟 | lángy��n, beacon fire, or more literally, ‘wolf smoke’, possibly being named that because a component of it may or may not have been wolf dung. She also digs into the next line pretty thoroughly. I’d just like to add on something I found out about the origins of the chengyu! (It’s a bit of a rabbit hole, so feel free to skip!)

The exact phrasing of 成王败寇 | chéng wáng bài kòu, succeed - hailed king, defeated - condemned outlaw, originates (at least, this exact phrasing does) from one of six short poems by Liu Yazi (1887 - 1958), a Chinese poet and political activist, for his review of the book《太平天国战史》on the Taiping Rebellion by Sun Yat Sen.

Rough interpretation following as I’m not familiar with the context, and none of this information is available in English:

成王败寇漫相呼，直笔何人纵董狐 chéng wáng bài kòu màn xiāng hū, zhí bǐ hérén zòng dǒng hú Victors are hailed king, losers condemned as outlaws, on this, all are in accord. (But) when it comes to penning down history, is there anyone who will give Dong Hu free reign?

(Confucious praised Dong Hu as a good historiographer of the Spring and Autumn period. His rule for writing was not to never conceal the truth.)

Snapshot source

Alright, back to 《红颜旧》!

Special mention to the Chinese classical poem rendition, because I really love the rhythm of this line: 王兮寇兮，滚滚东流 wáng xī kòu xī, gǔngǔn dōng liú, which is like (you can ignore 兮 unless it amuses you to read it as HEY! it’s actually a slightly gentler dragged out sound, but I heard it sung once in hokkien and the heyyyyy stuck fast xD) king, outlaw & the river surging east. But the word for surging is 滚滚, which also reads as boiling/raging/surging. When pitted against overwhelmingly powerful forces of nature, like raging rivers, like time, titles and labels are just words that feel so insignificant.

For line 3, 蜡炬已残 | là jù yǐ cán, is like ‘of the candle, only remnants are left’ and the following photo is roughly the image that pops into mind.

Why candles? Because recall:

a west wind blows past in the night; in the cold mountains, rain falls.  with home and country indistinct in fragmented dreams, thinking of him (but) not seeing him, my longing doubles. parting is hard to bear, (but) it is borne.

It is still that cold Autumn night. 

The last line of this verse is, 江山未老红颜旧, literally ‘before the mountains and rivers grow old, the beauty ages’. And the beauty of this (if you’ll pardon the pun) is that both the kingdom and the mountains and rivers? They are ageless. The passage of time will only be apparent to and on her.  For this, I love love love how xjc396 puts it as ‘lands 'nd rivers are in bloom, but my beauty is past’, because of that wistful? mournful? feeling evoked by the contrast of placing something at its zenith and another in decline side by side.

And oooooo, so as mentioned before, there’s a little poem rabbit hole for the last two lines which extends also to the chorus. I’ll introduce it at the end of all this.

CHORUS Part 1

忍别离， Bear the parting, 不忍却要别离， even if you can’t, we still must part. 托鸿雁南去。 Entrusting the geese to go South, 不知此心何寄。 I do not know how to send this heart.

Again, Joyce has our backs with her Notes Made When Translating (thank you!!!!! haha I don’t know how you did it, and with such beautiful pictures too!).

It’s pretty obvious even at the first glance that we all have rather different styles. After all, in translation - at least, how I see it, the differences come from how we’re always balancing between these three things:

And of course, any personal associations we have with certain words in both the source and target language. Maybe there are more things? Idk hahaha. I’m just a hobbyist >.<. Back to the song!

So so so there are two versions that are similar which I like a lot, and then one which surprised me at first but then grew on me more and more. Starting with the two that I like:

Faded Beauty: I plead the birds to bring my message south. But how do I send my heart with them? 《红颜旧》: I entrust the swan-geese flying south with my heart, but I don’t know where to tell them to send it

The main difference being in their interpretation of 何 | hé in 不知此心何寄, which can mean both how and where. 

‘I may write my hopes and longing into a letter and send them to you, but that isn’t enough. It does not convey my heart - would that I may be by your side too!’ - That is my understanding for ‘how’.

‘I would send my letter and my heart to you, if only I knew where (because you are no longer here)’.  - This is my understanding for ‘where’.

I leaned toward the latter for my final version because 《红颜旧》, with its melancholy and resolve, feels like a ‘after Chiyan’ song. But really, I love both interpretations and regret that they must be split in English (but aha therein lies the awesomeness of multiple translations. It’d be weird if I post several versions of one song, but if a bunch of people do it together…)

The one that surprised me: 墨白妈妈: Letters may reach you. Envelopes fail to bear my heart

And just as as another example of a poem in which the poet sends his longing home with the returning geese (um metaphorically).

《次北固山下》- Stopping at the foot of Beigu Mountain // 乡书何处达 归雁洛阳边 | Where might my letter to home be delivered? With the returning geese to Luoyang.

CHORUS Part 2

红颜旧， The lady ages; 任凭斗转星移， Let the Big Dipper turn and the stars shift (and time fly), 唯不变此情悠悠。 with only these feelings remaining unchanged, unwavering.

THIS. This is the turning point of the song. Parting, war, home and country distant, pointless conflict, passing time wasted - keenly felt, lost bearings. But the bedrock of her resolve is love. And with that, though it is painful, even when she’s grieving, feeling unmoored, her love is unwavering. 

The fact that it’s the last line but sung without calling any attention to it just before the verse and chorus repeats... it’s like, blink and you’ll miss it. But after that when she repeats the chorus again and again, it really hits home - the vulnerability but also steadfastness that comes with that love. I’m just so in awe, and usually in tears. Tao-jie’s singing + these lyrics are so emotive.

I want to specially mention the Shijing version here because how this last portion was ‘rephrased’ there is exquisite. But first to break down the last (and most important) line: 唯不变 | wéi bù biàn, (the) only (thing) that does not change 此情    | cǐ qíng, (is) this love 悠悠    | yōu yōu, that goes on and on 

And then how it is said in Shijing version, starting from the line about the shifting stars (references not included...that would be a whooooole ‘nother post of its own): 浩浩河汉，无情之游。 The vast, boundless sea of stars, cold and unfeeling on their paths 我心匪石，永以弗休。 My heart will not be turned, forever shall it refuse to rest.

- and isn’t that just SO very much like Jingyan, Nihuang and Mei Changsu in spirit? 

Final Comments

Overall, I feel like both  Faded Beauty and  《红颜旧》 come the closest, in their own ways, to expressing the vibe of the song while very close to the original lyrics <3 all my kudos to them as a fellow translator. 

I really love xjc396′s version (Bygone Beauty) as a whole. They have somehow managed to preserve the meaning of the song while also being very poetic and beautiful.

墨白妈妈 took the phrase ‘artistic license’ and ran with it, in Changing Face, keeping the core but getting there in a slightly different way. I really enjoyed their creativity!!!

I’m honestly still very impressed and blown away by the shijing version?????? IT’S SO GOOD. 之梦轩主人 \o/ \o/ \o/

Also, hunxi’s answer about its use in episode 54? so insightful! Seriously, go look at it.

Oh and one my tags from 2016 was this: #loving how this shows her as a warrior/general/princess/lady. And yes !!!! YES I still would shout this from the rooftops. Usually, these - forgot the word for them, but there is like a genre (?) theme (?) of poetry written from the perspective of ladies longing for their men who are garrisoned far far away, worrying for their safety while in the war. But it’s a little bit of a play on that trope here, because framed from Mu Nihuang’s perspective, certain lines can take on very different meanings from how they would ‘traditionally’ go.

For example, 家国依稀残梦里 | with home and country indistinct in fragmented dreams, as a general leading her troops in the South, who is doing so while grieving her father and her betrothed - very likely dead, labelled a rebel and forever disgraced… All these identities and the responsibilities on her shoulders. And her home and Da Liang forever changed.

Another example: 狼烟烽火何时休 成王败寇尽东流 | When will the beacons of war rest? Victors become king, loser - outlaw; it all flows east (to the sea). Instead of a deeply worried wife, resenting the pointlessness of the war, Mu Nihuang gets the front and center seat for witnessing the clashing of vipers and conflict stemming from the Emperor's painstaking balancing of power. Which is another, probably even more infuriating and disheartening POV to be experiencing to be honest.

...............................................................................................................

Okay and the final rabbit hole is another Li Shangyin poem! 

Intro 别离难忍忍别离 // parting is hard to bear, (but) it is borne Verse 蜡炬已残泪难干 // although candles have melted, wax hardened, it is difficult for tears to dry. 江山未老红颜旧 //before the mountains and rivers age, beauty fades. Chorus Part 1 忍别离 不忍却要别离 // Bearing with parting is difficult, yet we must part Chorus Part 2 托鸿雁南去 // Entrusting the geese to go South,

《无题》- untitled 相见时难别亦难 | It is difficult to meet, difficult also to part; 东风无力百花残 | spring’s east wind weakens, its myriad flowers withered. 春蚕到死丝方尽 | Only unto death does the silkworm cease to spin its thread; 蜡炬成灰泪始干 | only when candles are burnt to the quick do tears begin to dry. 晓镜但愁云鬓改 | She sits before the mirror at dawn, distressed at the change in her hair; 夜吟应觉月光寒 | murmuring poems in the night, how chilling the moonlight must feel! 蓬山此去无多路 | Between here and the mythical Penglai mountain, there are few roads; 青鸟殷勤为探看 | may the blue bird often visit on her behalf.

That is not to say that the song either does or does not allude to this particular poem, because there are many mediums of creation that do use these themes and imagery. But just that I found the poem while googling that line about the candles’ remnants and tears drying, and it added an extra dimension to my reading of it. Because wow. This is so desperate and intense O.O 

[birdlord]

Everything I Watched in 2020

We’ll start with movies. The number in parentheses is the year of release, asterisks denote a re-watch, and titles in bold are my favourite watches of the year. Here’s 2019’s list. 

01 Little Women (19)

02 The Post (17) 

03 Molly’s Game (17)

04 * Doctor No (62)

05 Groundhog Day (93)

06 *Star Trek IV - The Voyage Home (86)

07 Knives Out (19) My last theatre experience (sob)

08 Professor Marston and his Wonder Women (17)

09 Les Miserables (98)

10 Midsommar (19) I’m not sure how *good* it is, but it does stick in the ol’ brain

11 *Manhattan Murder Mystery (93)

12 Marriage Story (19)

13 Kramer vs Kramer (79)

14 Jojo Rabbit (19)

15 J’ai perdu mon corps (19) a cute animated film about a hand detached from its body!

16 1917 (19)

17 Married to the Mob (88)

18 Klaus (19)

19 Portrait of a Lady on Fire (19) If Little Women made me want to wear a scarf criss-crossed around my torso, this one made me want to wear a cloak

20 The Last Black Man in San Francisco (19)

21 *Lawrence of Arabia (62)

22 Gone With the Wind (39)

23 Kiss Me Deadly (55)

24 Dredd (12)

25 Heartburn (86) heard a bunch about this one in the Blank Check series on Nora Ephron, sadly after I’d watched it

26 The Long Shot (19)

27 Out of Africa (85)

28 King Kong (46)

29 *Johnny Mnemonic (95)

30 Knocked Up (07)

31 Collateral (04)

32 Bird on a Wire (90)

33 The Black Dahlia (05)

34 Long Time Running (17)

35 *Magic Mike (12)

36 Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead (07)

37 Cold War (18)

38 *Kramer Vs Kramer (79) yes I watched this a few months before! This was a pandemic friend group co-watch.

39 *Burn After Reading (08)

40 Last Holiday (50)

41 Fly Away Home (96)

42 *Moneyball (11) I’m sure I watch this every two years, at most??

43 Last Holiday (06) the Queen Latifah version of the 1950 movie above, lacking, of course, the brutal “poor people don’t deserve anything good” ending

44 *Safe (95)

45 Gimme Shelter (70)

46 The Daytrippers (96)

47 Experiment in Terror (62)

48 Tucker: The Man and His Dream (88)

49 My Brilliant Career (79) one of the salvations of 2020 was watching movies “with” friends. Our usual method was to video chat before the movie, sync our streaming services, and text-chat while the movie was on. 

50 Divorce Italian Style (61)

51 *Gosford Park (01) another classic comfort watch, fuck I love a G. Park

52 Hopscotch (80)

53 Brief Encounter (45)

54 Hud (63)

55 Ocean’s 8 (18)

56 *Beverly Hills Cop (84)

57 Blow the Man Down (19)

58 Constantine (05)

59 The Report (19) maddening!! How are people so consistently terrible to one another!

60 Everyday People (04)

61 Anatomy of a Murder (58)

62 Spiderman: Homecoming (17)

63 *To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (95) Of the 90s drag road movies, Priscilla is more visually striking, but this has its moments.

64 Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (92)

65 *The Truman Show (98)

66 Mona Lisa (86)

67 The Blob (58)

68 The Guard (11)

69 *Waiting for Guffman (96) RIP Fred Willard

70 Rocketman (19)

71 Outside In (18)

72 The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (08) how strange to see a movie that you have known the premise for, but no details of, for over a decade

73 *Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country (91)

74 The Reader (08)

75 Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (19) This was fine until it VERY MUCH WAS NOT FINE

76 The End of the Affair (99) you try to watch a fun little romp about infidelity during the Blitz, and Graham Greene can’t help but shoehorn in a friggin crisis of religious faith

77 Must Love Dogs (05) barely any dog content, where are the dogs at

78 The Rainmaker (97)

79 *Batman & Robin (97)

80 National Lampoon’s Vacation (83) Never seen any of the non-xmas Vacations, didn’t realize the children are totally different, not just actors but ages! Also, this one is blatantly racist!

81 *Mystic Pizza (88)

82 Funny Girl (68)

83 The Sons of Katie Elder (65)

84 *Knives Out (19) another re-watch within the same year!! How does this keep happening??

85 *Scott Pilgrim Vs The World (10) a real I-just-moved-away-from-Toronto nostalgia watch

86 Canadian Bacon (92) vividly recall this VHS at the video store, but I never saw it til 2020

87 *Blood Simple (85)

88 Brittany Runs a Marathon (19)

89 The Accidental Tourist (88)

90 August Osage County (13) MELO-DRAMA!!

91 Appaloosa (08)

92 The Firm (93) Feeling good about how many iconic 80s/90s video store stalwarts I watched in 2020

93 *Almost Famous (00)

94 Whisper of the Heart (95)

95 Da 5 Bloods (20)

96 Rain Man (88)

97 True Stories (86)

98 *Risky Business (83) It’s not about what you think it’s about! It never was!

99 *The Big Chill (83)

100 The Way We Were (73)

101 Safety Last (23) It’s getting so that I might have to add the first two digits to my dates...not that I watch THAT many movies from the 1920s...

102 Phantasm (79)

103 The Burrowers (08)

104 New Jack City (91)

105 The Vanishing (88)

106 Sisters (72)

107 Puberty Blues (81) Little Aussie cinema theme, here

108 Elevator to the Gallows (58)

109 Les Diaboliques (55)

110 House (77) haha WHAT no really W H A T

111 Death Line (72)

112 Cranes are Flying (57)

113 Holes (03)

114 *Lady Vengeance (05)

115 Long Weekend (78)

116 Body Double (84)

117 The Crazies (73) I love that Romero shows the utter confusion that would no doubt reign in the case of any kind of disaster. Things fall apart.

118 Waterlilies (07)

119 *You’re Next (11)

120 Event Horizon (97)

121 Venom (18) I liked it, guys, way more than most superhero fare. Has a real sense of place and the place ISN’T New York!

122 Under the Silver Lake (18) RIP Night Call

123 *Blade Runner (82)

124 *The Birds (62) interesting to see now that I’ve read the story it came from

125 *28 Days Later (02) hits REAL FUCKIN’ DIFFERENT in a pandemic

126 Life is Sweet (90)

127 *So I Married an Axe Murderer (93) find me a more 90s movie, I dare you (it’s not possible)

128 Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (67)

129 The Pelican Brief (93) 90s thrillers continue!

130 Dick Johnston is Dead (20)

131 The Bridges of Madison County (95)

132 Earth Girls are Easy (88) Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum are so hot in this movie, no wonder they got married 

133 Better Watch Out (16)

134 Drowning Mona (00) trying for something like the Coen bros and not getting there

135 Au Revoir Les Enfants (87)

136 *Chasing Amy (97) Affleck is the least alluring movie lead...ever? I also think I gave Joey Lauren Adams’ character short shrift in my memory of the movie. It’s not good, but she’s more complicated than I recalled. 

137 Blackkklansman (18)

138 Being Frank (19)

139 Kiki’s Delivery Service (89)

140 Uncle Frank (20) why so many FRANKS

141 *National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (89) watching with pals (virtually) made it so much more fun than the usual yearly watch!

142 Half Baked (98) another, more secret Toronto nostalgia pic - RC Harris water filtration plant as a prison!

143 We’re the Millers (13)

144 All is Bright (13)

145 Defending Your Life (91)

146 Christmas Chronicles (18) I maintain that most new xmas movies are terrible, particularly now that Netflix churns them out like eggnog every year. 

147 Spiderman: Into the Spider-Verse (18)

148 Reindeer Games (00) what did I say about Affleck??!? WHAT DID I SAY

149 Palm Springs (20)

150 Happiest Season (20)

151 *Metropolitan (90) it’s definitely a Christmas movie

152 Black Christmas (74)

THEATRE:HOME - 2:150 (thanks pandemic)

I usually separate out docs and fiction, but I watched almost no documentaries this year (with the exception of Dick Johnston). Reality is real enough. 

TV Series

01 - BoJack Horseman (final season) - Pretty damned poignant finish to the show, replete with actual consequences for our reformed bad boy protagonist (which is more than you can say for most antiheroes of Peak TV).

02 - *Hello Ladies - I enjoy the pure awkwardness of seeing Stephen Merchant try to perform being a Regular Person, but ultimately this show tips him too far towards a nasty, Ricky Gervais-lite sort of persona. Perhaps he was always best as a cameo appearance, or lip synching with wild eyes while Chrissy Teigen giggles?

03 - Olive Kittredge - a rough watch by times. I read the book as well, later in the year. Frances Mcdormand was the best, possibly the only, casting option for the flinty lead. One episode tips into thriller territory, which is a shock. 

04 - *The Wire S3, S4, S5 - lockdown culture! It was interesting to rewatch this, then a few months later go through an enormous, culture-level reappraisal of cop-centred narratives. 

05 - Forever - a Maya Rudolph/Fred Armisen joint that coasts on the charm of its leads. The premise is OK, but I wasn’t left wanting any more at the end. 

06 - *Catastrophe - a rewatch when my partner decided he wanted to see it, too!

07 - Red Oak - resolutely “OK” steaming dramedy, relied heavily on some pretty obvious cues to get across its 1980s setting. 

08 - Little Fires Everywhere - gulped this one down while in 14-day isolation, delicious! Every 90s suburban mom had that SUV, but not all of them had the requisite **secrets**

09 - The Great - fun historical comedy/drama! Costumes: lush. Actors: amusing. Race-blind casting: refreshing!

10 - The Crown S4 - this is the season everyone lost their everloving shit for, since it’s finally recent enough history that a fair chunk of the viewing audience is liable to recall it happening. 

11 - Ted Lasso - we resisted this one for a while (thought I did enjoy the ad campaign for NBC sports (!!) that it was based on). My view is that its best point was the comfort that the men on the show have (or develop, throughout the season) with the acknowledgement and sharing of their own feelings. Masculinity redux. 

12 - Moonbase 8 - Goodnatured in a way that makes you certain they will be crushed. 

13 - The Good Lord Bird - Ethan Hawke is really aging into the character actor we always hoped he would be! 

14 - Hollywood - frothy wish-fulfillment alternate history. I think the show would have been improved immeasurably by skipping the final episode.

[deuce-duce]

Courage To Grow

Before I continue forward small disclaimer. Lol! During these activities I will be going over I’m usually listening to music. Music helps me maintain the mood and vibration that I have achieved through resetting and feeding my mood!

Picking up somewhere, where I left off, begins with feeding my mood by feeding my mind. For my mood essentially dictates my productivity tactfulness and my ability to absorb new information and skills so that they might benefit me when the right situation arises.

When I am in a bad mood I’m unreceptive, nothing flows and Murphy’s Law begins to take full affect (anything that can go wrong, will go wrong)!! Things escalate, much quicker and always seem harder or more complicated then they need to be.

If my mood regulates what Im able to accomplish, then I better learn how to regulate my mood!! There are many different ways to enhance your mood and overall well-being, which I’ll discuss later. Right now I just want to explain how I get myself out of bed everyday with tenacity and a positive outlook to keep fighting the good fight!

Before I jump into that I have to explain a little... re.... wi....nd....!! To the 28th of January 2021.

So I really wanted to write on the 28th... I had it all planned out and really thought I would be able to pull it off. Unfortunately all the things I had grown accustomed to remaining the same and being unchanging i.e. the little things, were suddenly causing me discourse. I won’t bore you with the specifics, in reality the people involved don’t deserve the time attention or energy. Let’s just say I was In a place I’m not in very often because of how it makes me feel. Amidst the noise and haste I was still able to get done a couple of the things I needed to, laundry & a couple other things for work.

Off to work I went!! Frustrated and irritated... UGH.... shortly after embarking on my commute to work I was about to enter the park, then right in front of me were two pairs of birds soaring through the sky. These birds stayed in their pairs but would separate from the group and then reconvene. Immediately I completely forgot about the irritation and frustration and was ear to ear hahaha even after the birds were out of sight I couldn’t stop smiling! I think this was my sign that what I have been telling you is correct! For it really is the little things, the silver linings that really make the cloudy days worth living! It also gave testimony to even though my life has been really hard it truly is SO.... Beautiful!!

After a hellacious day at work LOL (really wasn’t that bad) I was walking home and as I cut through the park like any other day I crossed the Good Bridge and then the other as I was crossing I was looking down and realized that the ground and the water were glowing almost! I stopped dead in my tracks looked up and was confronted with the bright beams of January’s full moon! Dubbed the Wolf Moon. Now although this next part is just a coincidence, Metamorphosis was playing and the last verse had just started... I’m sure you know what happened next... I turned on my camera and took pictures!! Lol when my camera came on the music turned off I was like awe.... in disappointment but then all I could hear was the rushing sound of the river and felt at peace within myself! It was really cool! after I finished taking pics and continued walking I couldn’t stop looking at the 🌝 and then the clouds blew in front of it and it was gone... hmm.... maybe there really is a Man on the Moon...! The other strange part about this coincidence was it was literally in the same place I saw the 4 birds soaring earlier that day.

When things like this occur I never really quite know how to explain em. I feel crazy right now explaining this to you and what happened because of how far fetched it sounds and I definitely could be compounding events associating meaning with events that aren’t even meaningful. But being aware of synchronicities and patterns is the key to hearing that which is never said... “ohhhh 💩 did he just say he hears things that aren’t said... like hears voices...??? CRAY!!” But then again your opinion doesn’t matter this is my story and this is what happened to me. I think it’s cool and crazy tbh but definitely worth it for me to share. Once again I’ll reiterate the song Be Aware by SOJA. I could also go into telling you how powerful the moon is and how it affects our planet and population but I’ll let you ✔️that out on your own. Once again it’s the little things that really are the big things... sometimes we’re too concerned with things that maybe we shouldn’t let consume us that we miss on that which is going on around us. #stayinginthemoment

The 29th was a day spent enjoying all the things I like doing. I had a day off so I spent it listening to some new music sleeping... I even spent some time in the gym. Thought about writing on both the 29th and 30th but just wasn’t feeling it... and if you haven’t grasped it yet I’m definitely hooked on a feeling... it was also important for me to pay homage to modern day Kings. ❤️✊!! Then the 31st rolled around I worked something like 13 hrs and really didn’t think I would be putting my best foot forward if I did... and so I wait! Besides what better day to write then 02-01 of 2021 unfortunately they are coming at me like machine guns and couldn’t pull it off! But hey there’s always today and really it couldn’t be more fitting 2-2 is always a great day to drop. So before I go any further I just would like to say... thank You for without you there would be no me no 2-2 so I will salute you and bid you adooo all in one motion, Cheerio!!

Alright enough 🤡’in around... back to moods. As I’ve started discovering and uncovering that which keeps me in a state of tranquility, promoting spiritual growth and elevation of my consciousness I have changed a lot of what I follow on the Gram. Of course I still follow a lot of scantily clad lasses for I am a man... I just decided I should follow more of what makes my soul smile as well. To me that’s many different kinds of art; fashion, jewelry, photography, music, nature, awakening as well as different opinions and perspectives. Why?!?! Even though I might not agree or resonate with another’s opinion or perspective it’s still good to know. My English teacher would always drive home the point of the more ya know... the more ya know... I thought it was just so you could be a well refined individual but there’s more to it then that by increasing your knowledge you begin cultivating that which is called an open mind. Which could also be the opening of your 3rd eye. But we will discuss that after I explain how I get myself out of bed each day with tenacity and and a positive mindset to take on the day and continue fighting the good fight!

Why the Gram??? There’s so much free thought on there that you literally could jump down rabbit hole after rabbit hole increasing your knowledge, know how and giving you subjects and skills to research on your own. Sometimes I watch movies by accident and then it’s almost like I was meant to watch that movie at that time... it’s crazy (Avengers End Game) 😭😭 so if a movie is calling out for u to watch it you probably should. 2 things I can’t stress enough!! Learn about that which speaks to you and moves you not someone else for your individuality is the most valuable thing you will ever have in your life. Is it good to learn about things others know YES! But if you realize that it’s not providing you with anything and your just not feeling it... then... just let it go keep what you have learned but don’t put a lot of effort into it. Focus on what moves you. Stress point 2 when learning something new there are going to be things your not going to understand anytime that happens to me I open up a browser and figure out what is being discusssd or described. So that I have a better understanding of something. If you need to you can always ask someone as well but if it doesn’t make sense and doesn’t add up keep doing your own research!! I guess there are three points to make 3rd is question Everything!! Literally everything, when something is off or doesn’t sit right with you there is usually a reason. I realize this is a lot to throw at you all at once but this is what I notice in myself and what i do so hopefully something can benefit you.

When learning new things, it at times can be discouraging maintaining the information what I have done that works for me is associating what I’m learning with something I already know. For instance I have a really hard time remembering peoples names so I’m working on associating peoples names with people I already know. Start with small stuff that’s easy to remember and gradually build because although things are different and may seem complex the fundamental components and principles involved apply to most things. Once you figure those things out!! You’ll be boooommmmiiiinnnn! Because you’ll be able to apply what you already know to what your learning... snowballs after that!

After I hit my ceiling in new information I just stop we all have our moments where we’re just like ugh!! That’s enough!! causing me to get my rear in gear!! Now that I’m out of bed it’s time to use what I have learned maybe not that day but I try to practice putting the things that I have resonated and agreed with into action. This solidifies what I have learned and opens my mind for more information. When I do this, it is what exponentially feeds my mood for that day and the next!! For it reassures me that I am capable and worthy! Giving me the confindence in myself to do it again the next day, boosting my confindence skills and the feeling that I can believe in myself once again!!

The one thing that I had to learn while going through this process was to be gentle on myself. Before I would get angry anytime I didn’t understand something. I would curse myself saying your so... stupid!! I realize now that was only causing me to lower my vibrational frequency making it even harder for me to learn anything new or... remember and use that which I already knew. So be gentle with yourself... you owe it to yourself and your worth it!

I’ll end with something I have kind of always known but choose not to practice. The most important thing you can do every morning is hydrate hydrate hydrate!!!! Then moderately caffeinate. I’ll explain why this is important on my next post. I can’t tell you when ... that will be... I’m going to plan for tomorrow but as we know... things don’t always go as planned

Have a great day everyone

🦅🌝

Songs for today

Courage to Grow ~ Revolution

My Life Alone ~ SOJA

Being Me ~ Jack and The Weatherman

[elrhiarhodan]

I am astonished these days by the bold-faced ballsiness of the Republican hypocrisy.

My jaw is perpetually on the floor. It’s not even attached anymore. It’s just a jawbone resting at my feet, as my tongue flops and flips around my rent-open face in moist gesticulations that fail to properly explain the sheer what-the-fuckery I’m forever feeling.

It’s probably always been there, this hypocrisy. Maybe it was better hidden, once upon a time. And certainly no political entity is without its duplicities and insincerities — but what we’re seeing now, what is paraded before us daily by both the administration and by Congress, is like satire written by an angry eight-year-old. It’s so clumsy, so on-the-nose, that no one would ever let the story air because it feels like a chimpanzee’s attempt at parody. Irony is dead. It’s six-feet-deep. Political humor is harder now than ever, because how do you make fun of a clown?

Every time I turn on on the news or even glimpse at Twitter, I see more and newer hypocrisies whipping fast past my eyes, scrolling like the list of side effects you’d get on a commercial for dick pills. It’s dizzying: an ever-growing display of towering horseshit so vertiginous that to attempt to climb it would be positively fucking Sisyphean. You’d never make it to the top. You’d forever be sliding back down as another shovel-load whaps you in the face.

They say they care about families, but then they rip them apart and deny them aid. They call women “hosts,” removing their personage, their choice, their access to care. They love unborn kids but somehow hate the women that give birth to them. Eat shit, Moms. They only want what’s in those uteruses, not the uteruses themselves. And once you’re born, ha ha, double fuck you, kid. Fuck your education. Fuck your health. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, they say only after they’ve bought up all the bootstraps for themselves and closed the bootstrap factories and what the fuck is a bootstrap, anyway?

They speak about individual responsibility, but can’t even show up for their own fucking town halls. They won’t be accountable to anything or anyone, but you, you have to be accountable for everything — even for them. When they say individual responsibility, they mean fuck you, do it yourself. Fuck the safety net. Fuck the general health and well-being of the nation. They got theirs, man. They mean that they won’t help you. The government’s very job is one of communal responsibility, but they have absolved themselves of that role and given it only to you. And how far down does that rabbit hole go? Will we be our kids’ only teachers? Are we our own doctors? Is the road outside my house mine and mine alone to build and to fix? They want to hold only their enemies accountable. They’ll investigate Hillary for decades after she’s dead, but they won’t cast one suspiciously-slitted eye toward Trump, toward Russia, toward every pay-for-play drip of corruption that erodes the bedrock of our government’s ability to self-regulate.

They talk about freedom, but the freedom they want isn’t for you. The freedom you want is the freedom to be able to drink clean water, to breathe clean air, to buy products that won’t kill you, to buy insurance that won’t bankrupt you, to invest in a future that helps you instead of hurts you. The freedom they want is for themselves. The freedom they champion isn’t yours, it belongs to big business. They want businesses to have the freedom to poison your air and your water, to lie to you, to tie you up with loopholes like nooses, to savage your investments and your future earnings. They want the freedom to take advantage of you, and they’ll sell that as your freedom, too. Don’t you want the choice to be lied to, to be cheated, to be ruined? What freedom! What choice! Ah, yes, just as our Founding Fathers wanted: the liberty of empowering others to fuck you from every angle. Isn’t that in the Bill of Rights? Can we get it in there somewhere?

They talk about being fiscally conservative, but then they spend money like they can just print more. (And our president thinks we can just print more.) It’ll cost more for our Comrade-in-Chief to go golfing than for the entire National Endowment for the Arts budget. The president has the fiscal discipline of a drunken gambling addict.

They talk about being stewards of the land, then take a flamethrower to the EPA, try to sell off the national parks, refuse to acknowledge climate change, and eradicate environmental protections — including streams. Because fuck streams, right? Streams have had it too good for too long.

They want you to pay your taxes, even though our president is proud of having never paid his.

They bark about voter fraud, then gerrymander the shit out of everything, rigging the game with a hundred thumbs holding down their side of the scale.

They climb to their seat of power on a ladder whose rungs are fashioned from fake news, and then once they’re up there, they look down at you and say, you’re the fake news. Everything you want, fake. Everything you are, fake. You don’t even exist if you disagree. Did you protest? You were paid. Did you show up at a town hall? You’re not a constituent. You’re a unicorn. A snowflake in need of a safe space.

And yet, they call us snowflakes, but melt under the tiniest light of scrutiny, under the smallest agitation. The moment anyone disagrees, they retreat to their own safe spaces, close and lock the doors, turn off all the lights, lower all the blinds so they can peer out until we’re gone.

The evil circus peanut who sits in the highest chair in the land decries liberal Hollywood elites while being himself a liberal Hollywood elite. We must do more with less, the man says as he goes to one of his like, seven fucking White Houses to hold a rally for an election in four years that doesn’t even have an opponent.

They talk about making America great, as if Americans weren’t already great.

They vilify illegal immigrants, as if we weren’t all illegal immigrants — as if this isn’t a country built first on native land that wasn’t ours, then second on the backs of black slaves who we stole and enslaved and tried to treat more like livestock than as human beings. They try to demonstrate how great this America is, but then those who come here to share in its greatness are cast aside, are sent away, are rounded up and torn from their families and told they don’t belong here. They claim to serve an America for all Americans, but it’s not — it’s for a very narrow slice, for the richest and whitest and straightest, for the healthiest, for the abled, for the men, for the companies, for themselves. Even the white working class gets fucked even as they’re told they’re not, because they still have to drink the water and breathe the air. They vote for the right to poison the water, you drink the water, you get cancer, but fuck your health, and fuck your kids if they’re born with a defect, that’s America, now, buddy. The freedom they want is to get what’s theirs from your pocket and pay no price for it even as you wither and weep at their feet. The freedom they want is to rob you blind then point to The Other and say, they did it, over there, it wasn’t us. We look just like you. You could be rich someday. Wouldn’t that be nice? It’s them over there. The welfare queens. The foreigners. The terrorists and the rapists. Not us. Never us.

They make hats and shirts that say AMERICA but whose tags say CHINA.

All the while, that word America in their mouths like a Bible verse on the tongue of the Devil. God Bless America, they say as they pick up their axes and chop at the roots of this tree. We’re good Christians, they say, as they do yet another un-Christian thing, because I’m sure it was Jesus who said fuck you, I got mine. Piss on compassion. To hell with empathy. These hypocrites cut away at the foundation of all the things we need to be a smart, healthy, successful country. They attack science. They hack at education. They want to chop your healthcare to splinters. They destroy debate. They slit the throat of every fact they don’t want you to know. They call the media the opposition, the enemy. They claim that truth is fake. The truth that we are at greater danger from white nationalist terror than from radical Muslim terror? Fake. The truth that we have nothing to fear from refugees, and that they are already extremely vetted? Fake. The truth that transgender individuals are not the harassers but in fact, the harassed? Fakeity-fake-fake, they say. The sky is red, ham is a fruit, pray for the family of Shazaam Berenstein, a survivor of the Bowling Green Massacre who then went on to die in the Swedish Event.

Their hypocrisy only grows — swelling like a tumor, diverting blood-flow away from healthy organs and to itself, because that’s how a cancer grows. A cancer is your body in rebellion. A cancer is rogue cells bypassing the checks and balances of your biology. This is that. Their hypocrisy is a symptom, though. And like with all symptoms, we must not ignore it.

We must treat the disease. Inoculate against the bullshit.

They will not hold themselves accountable.

So we must.

We must demand they do better.

We must demand our media be the watchdog.

We must resist their duplicity and their lies.

Courage in this strange time, folks. Stay frosty. Remain vigilant. Hang together.

Comments closed because, really, c’mon.

[whatthehelloh]

I am astonished these days by the bold-faced ballsiness of the Republican hypocrisy.

My jaw is perpetually on the floor. It’s not even attached anymore. It’s just a jawbone resting at my feet, as my tongue flops and flips around my rent-open face in moist gesticulations that fail to properly explain the sheer what-the-fuckery I’m forever feeling.

It’s probably always been there, this hypocrisy. Maybe it was better hidden, once upon a time. And certainly no political entity is without its duplicities and insincerities — but what we’re seeing now, what is paraded before us daily by both the administration and by Congress, is like satire written by an angry eight-year-old. It’s so clumsy, so on-the-nose, that no one would ever let the story air because it feels like a chimpanzee’s attempt at parody. Irony is dead. It’s six-feet-deep. Political humor is harder now than ever, because how do you make fun of a clown?

Every time I turn on on the news or even glimpse at Twitter, I see more and newer hypocrisies whipping fast past my eyes, scrolling like the list of side effects you’d get on a commercial for dick pills. It’s dizzying: an ever-growing display of towering horseshit so vertiginous that to attempt to climb it would be positively fucking Sisyphean. You’d never make it to the top. You’d forever be sliding back down as another shovel-load whaps you in the face.

They say they care about families, but then they rip them apart and deny them aid. They call women “hosts,” removing their personage, their choice, their access to care. They love unborn kids but somehow hate the women that give birth to them. Eat shit, Moms. They only want what’s in those uteruses, not the uteruses themselves. And once you’re born, ha ha, double fuck you, kid. Fuck your education. Fuck your health. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, they say only after they’ve bought up all the bootstraps for themselves and closed the bootstrap factories and what the fuck is a bootstrap, anyway?

They speak about individual responsibility, but can’t even show up for their own fucking town halls. They won’t be accountable to anything or anyone, but you, you have to be accountable for everything — even for them. When they say individual responsibility, they mean fuck you, do it yourself. Fuck the safety net. Fuck the general health and well-being of the nation. They got theirs, man. They mean that they won’t help you. The government’s very job is one of communal responsibility, but they have absolved themselves of that role and given it only to you. And how far down does that rabbit hole go? Will we be our kids’ only teachers? Are we our own doctors? Is the road outside my house mine and mine alone to build and to fix? They want to hold only their enemies accountable. They’ll investigate Hillary for decades after she’s dead, but they won’t cast one suspiciously-slitted eye toward Trump, toward Russia, toward every pay-for-play drip of corruption that erodes the bedrock of our government’s ability to self-regulate.

They talk about freedom, but they freedom they want isn’t for you. The freedom you want is the freedom to be able to drink clean water, to breathe clean air, to buy products that won’t kill you, to buy insurance that won’t bankrupt you, to invest in a future that helps you instead of hurts you. The freedom they want is for themselves. The freedom they champion isn’t yours, it belongs to big business. They want businesses to have the freedom to poison your air and your water, to lie to you, to tie you up with loopholes like nooses, to savage your investments and your future earnings. They want the freedom to take advantage of you, and they’ll sell that as your freedom, too. Don’t you want the choice to be lied to, to be cheated, to be ruined? What freedom! What choice! Ah, yes, just as our Founding Fathers wanted: the liberty of empowering others to fuck you from every angle. Isn’t that in the Bill of Rights? Can we get it in there somewhere?

They talk about being fiscally conservative, but then they spend money like they can just print more. (And our president thinks we can just print more.) It’ll cost more for our Comrade-in-Chief to go golfing than for the entire National Endowment for the Arts budget. The president has the fiscal discipline of a drunken gambling addict.

They talk about being stewards of the land, then take a flamethrower to the EPA, try to sell off the national parks, refuse to acknowledge climate change, and eradicate environmental protections — including streams. Because fuck streams, right? Streams have had it too good for too long.

They want you to pay your taxes, even though our president is proud of having never paid his.

They bark about voter fraud, then gerrymander the shit out of everything, rigging the game with a hundred thumbs holding down their side of the scale.

They climb to their seat of power on a ladder whose rungs are fashioned from fake news, and then once they’re up there, they look down at you and say, you’re the fake news. Everything you want, fake. Everything you are, fake. You don’t even exist if you disagree. Did you protest? You were paid. Did you show up at a town hall? You’re not a constituent. You’re a unicorn. A snowflake in need of a safe space.

And yet, they call us snowflakes, but melt under the tiniest light of scrutiny, under the smallest agitation. The moment anyone disagrees, they retreat to their own safe spaces, close and lock the doors, turn off all the lights, lower all the blinds so they can peer out until we’re gone.

The evil circus peanut who sits in the highest chair in the land decries liberal Hollywood elites while being himself a liberal Hollywood elite. We must do more with less, the man says as he goes to one of his like, seven fucking White Houses to hold a rally for an election in four years that doesn’t even have an opponent.

They talk about making America great, as if Americans weren’t already great.

They vilify illegal immigrants, as if we weren’t all illegal immigrants — as if this isn’t a country built first on native land that wasn’t ours, then second on the backs of black slaves who we stole and enslaved and tried to treat more like livestock than as human beings. They try to demonstrate how great this America is, but then those who come here to share in its greatness are cast aside, are sent away, are rounded up and torn from their families and told they don’t belong here. They claim to serve an America for all Americans, but it’s not — it’s for a very narrow slice, for the richest and whitest and straightest, for the healthiest, for the abled, for the men, for the companies, for themselves. Even the white working class gets fucked even as they’re told they’re not, because they still have to drink the water and breathe the air. They vote for the right to poison the water, you drink the water, you get cancer, but fuck your health, and fuck your kids if they’re born with a defect, that’s America, now, buddy. The freedom they want is to get what’s theirs from your pocket and pay no price for it even as you wither and weep at their feet. The freedom they want is to rob you blind then point to The Other and say, they did it, over there, it wasn’t us. We look just like you. You could be rich someday. Wouldn’t that be nice? It’s them over there. The welfare queens. The foreigners. The terrorists and the rapists. Not us. Never us.

They make hats and shirts that say AMERICA but whose tags say CHINA.

All the while, that word America in their mouths like a Bible verse on the tongue of the Devil. God Bless America, they say as they pick up their axes and chop at the roots of this tree. We’re good Christians, they say, as they do yet another un-Christian thing, because I’m sure it was Jesus who said fuck you, I got mine. Piss on compassion. To hell with empathy. These hypocrites cut away at the foundation of all the things we need to be a smart, healthy, successful country. They attack science. They hack at education. They want to chop your healthcare to splinters. They destroy debate. They slit the throat of every fact they don’t want you to know. They call the media the opposition, the enemy. They claim that truth is fake. The truth that we are at greater danger from white nationalist terror than from radical Muslim terror? Fake. The truth that we have nothing to fear from refugees, and that they are already extremely vetted? Fake. The truth that transgender individuals are not the harassers but in fact, the harassed? Fakeity-fake-fake, they say. The sky is red, ham is a fruit, pray for the family of Shazaam Berenstein, a survivor of the Bowling Green Massacre who then went on to die in the Swedish Event.

Their hypocrisy only grows — swelling like a tumor, diverting blood-flow away from healthy organs and to itself, because that’s how a cancer grows. A cancer is your body in rebellion. A cancer is rogue cells bypassing the checks and balances of your biology. This is that. Their hypocrisy is a symptom, though. And like with all symptoms, we must not ignore it.

We must treat the disease. Inoculate against the bullshit.

They will not hold themselves accountable.

So we must.

We must demand they do better.

We must demand our media be the watchdog.

We must resist their duplicity and their lies.

Courage in this strange time, folks. Stay frosty. Remain vigilant. Hang together.

Comments closed because, really, c’mon.

[automatismoateo]

My Journey Out of Falun Gong via /r/atheism

Submitted August 04, 2020 at 02:35PM by TheNZThrower (Via reddit https://ift.tt/3kc5Z3a) My Journey Out of Falun Gong

FYI: Falun Gong is a religion/cult with some weird teachings (e.g. science and race mixing are alien plots to replace humans) that is persecuted and suppressed by the Chinese Government. Their leader is called Li Hongzhi. They're behind the theatrical dance group Shen Yun and the pro-Trump newspaper The Epoch Times. Here's one of Li's lectures to get an idea of his insanity: https://en.falundafa.org/eng/lectures/19980904L.html

Hello everyone! I am a former follower who has recently left about nine months ago cause by me leaving Mum in Sydney for Dad in Perth. I'll try to be as unbiased as I possibly can throughout my summary, here we go.

My Mum joined the practice after she gave birth to my younger sister in 2006, and she told me that when she read ZFL, she saw that the characters or swastika symbols or faluns (don't quite remember) started to spin in front of her eyes. It was around then, when I was only six, that the indoctrination started. My mum interrupted any educational videos (in Chinese) I was digesting whenever they started to talk about Evolution by natural selection to lecture me on how it was the 'gods' who directly created us. It was then that she started to expose me to numerous FLG propaganda films like one about a certain practitioner being persecuted to death by the CCP. I was also exposed to The Nine Commentaries later on, and that fueled my paranoia with anything 'Communist'.

My Mum and Dad would frequently have conflicts over her practice, with my dad often getting angry whenever she started to chat with other practitioners and going to Mum's room to demand that she be quiet. He also frequently destroyed the scriptures, leaflets and other FLG paraphernalia she had. This has unfortunately led me to develop a fear towards my dad. This ended in my Mum separating with and divorcing my dad and I went with her. She moved to Sydney owing to better opportunities, a larger base of practitioners and due to my Dad visiting her (for the sake of seeing and interacting with my Sis, whom he loves) without her permission and I went with her.

One of the factors in helping me break away from Falun Gong is me developing a desire for debunking conspiracy theories thanks to the discovery of the skeptic community. What fueled this was due to me hearing of all the bad news by conspiracy believers (a la Naturalnews) about the US government coupled with their promotion of 9/11 trutherism, water fluoridation conspiracies and others. This combined with my blind support of the US implanted by Mum (which still makes it hard for me to come to terms with some of the shady shit the US has done or is up to) lead me to adopt an anti conspiratorial stance, especially in regards to western governments. It is through the skeptical community that I have learnt to not trust anecdotes, what logical fallacies are and how to spot them, and about the teachings of Li on race mixing. His race mixing teachings really shocked me when I first learnt about them before reading up on them. This also lead me to become somewhat skeptical of what FLG was teaching about Communism. Another thing that lead me a path out of Homophobia was me getting pissed at another student at my school calling me gay, and the school counselor coming to reassure me that there ain't nothing wrong with being gay.

After moving to Sydney was when I started to question some of the key tenets of FLG like their narrative on the whole 2001 Tiananmen self immolation incident. The questioning then was still half hearted owing to the deep seated fears of overturning everything that I believed in. This half hearted skepticism even seeped into my analysis of The Nine Commentaries. Around this time was when I began to develop intrusive thoughts regarding Pedophilia and I even thought that seeing children was beginning to make my you know what tingle. This is what led me to spiral back into FLG after my brief stint of skepticism due to desperation that this is uncurable, as well as my mind associating such thoughts and urges with sexual orientation in that it might be genetic and innate, that I didn't choose it and that it would be a forever defining part of me.

However, the decisive factor in turning me against FLG was when mum watched a conservative 'documentary' called 'Agenda: Grinding America Down' which explicitly pushed climate change denial that made me aware of just how far down the rabbit hole she was going. I was aware of climate denialists and their argument as well as the counter-arguments to a certain degree, but not very well versed in them. I also recall something along the lines of Li sending some message to practitioners suggesting they watch this 'doco', but I'm not certain in that regard so take this with a grain of salt. I suppressed questions regarding this (and other topics e.g. Feminism and homosexuality) for a while before coming out to my Mum about them as well as occasionally responding whenever she started shit talking atheists and atheism. This is around the point when my relations with her broke down.

I also proceeded to discover the sequel to The Nine Commentaries called 'How the Spectre of Communism is Ruling Our World'. I also discovered its promotion of climate change denial as well as trying to smear other social movements (e.g. LGBT rights, civil rights, feminism) by tenuously linking them to the Commies using numerous logical fallacies. This lead to further conflict between me and Mum, leading to her trying to read the chapter promoting climate denial to me, which lead to even more conflict and her further spiraling down that rabbit hole. Part of this is my fault due to my confrontational attitude towards her as well as my personal insecurities about the correctness of climate science due to my lack of knowledge about it. Me telling her of Trump's transgender military ban further deteriorated my relationship with her, as well as his environmental and border policies. This deterioration of my mental state impaired my school performance. This also eventually lead to two hospitalisations: once due to me getting so out of control at school that they called my Mum and I proceeded to flip her off with both hands and call her out on Shen Yun, the second time being me making a mess of the room with her FLG scriptures after realising that the ancient Chinese didn't have much beef with being gay. This led me to take medication to control my outbursts. Around this time was when I started to see organisations like Headspace and Beyond Blue for counselling. Another incident occurred when I started grabbing a broken vacuum cleaner outside the house and smashed it into the grass due to the cognitive dissonance regarding Environmentalism and Communism as an attempt to vent out my frustration in fighting against my programming. This lead to my mum growing understandably concerned and then telling me to repeat 'environmentalism is communism' ad nauseam until I calm down. That's her way of getting me to calm down and remove any intrusive thoughts of mine; through repeating FLG soundbites (e.g. X is an alien invention) or through getting me to read FLG material ad nauseam until they're gone. Part of the reason why is due to her thinking that there exists no other viable option to remove them permanently due to her indoctrination.

Eventually, my relationship with my Mum deteriorated so bad that she decided to send me back to Dad after graduating high school. So that is how I ended up with him again. All this still occupies my mind a lot and still deeply affects me. I currently still have numerous violent thoughts on harming my Mum and other FLGers severely through torturous means. I also have numerous violent thoughts on Li as well. My Mum's statements and the views of Li still frequently replay over and over in the back of my head. It is still the case that whenever I at the very least somewhat adopt a mindset blindly accepting of 'master's' teachings and political views, I am able to have proper bowel movements, and am able to perform the tasks and hobbies I like to a proficient degree. As soon as I develop a logical approach to any of the beliefs of Falun Gong, I am unable to pass bowel movements due to a mental block, nor am I able to proficiently do the stuff I like. In addition, I have a tendency to block out any conflicting information whenever I try to fact check claims surrounding Falun Gong or Trump or whatever, especially if they lead to my anger towards Mum and subsequent fantasies of violence despite no loaded language or even implicit encouragement of violence in any of the information critical of religion, Falun Gong and Trump. I also still respond to Mum's statements in my head rather violently (e.g. responding with utterings of 'I'll kill you'). However, some progress is being made in my journey towards critical thinking (e.g. reading the books of Richard Dawkins as well as The Skeptic's Guide to the Universe). I still have minimal contact with my Mum, and she still tries to help me with managing myself independently, and I still occasionally contact her specifically for talking with my Sis. I never mention the topic of FLG with her since I left.

That's my journey so far, and any help would be appreciated. Of course this all is just a basic summary so some details are vastly simplified for brevity.

[babbleuk]

Spider-Gwen Is a Rock Star on This New Limited Edition Poster

Whether or not Into the Spider-Verse sent you down the rabbit hole of related Spider-Man comics, you will definitely appreciate this new Spider-Gwen poster. from gizmodo http://www.gizmodo.co.uk/2019/02/spider-gwen-is-a-rock-star-on-this-new-limited-edition-poster/

[callsigntrixx]

@unlockthestars: “ can’t sleep? ” [from Dad-ter Weller]

She hadn't expected to see anyone else at this hour, wandering around the barracks as she was. It was well past lights out, the mess and commissary both shut tight, so it was surprising to bump into Weller out in the hallway.

Cammie's immediate reaction is to use sarcasm to cover up her thoughts, but she's a bit too tired to muster it up. Instead, what comes out is: "...It's too quiet, an' mah mind's just... so loud. I keep runnin' over everythin': missions, Holon specs, code and memories that ain't really mine."

misc. starters

[letsflirtwithwords]

Poetry: Lavender Dreams

a free verse poetry… rhyming or non-rhyming… More about forms of poetry.

Oh, restless soul! Oh, the searching for flowers, the scented and colorful, that stand on the hill over yonder of inspiration. Eyes blinded by grey and black mirages. Following rabbits down burrowed dark holes. Open the closed doors of the weeping shadows. Dig your way to the top, to the yellow glow bending budding, flowering…

[callsigntrixx]

Cammie's hands slow in their movements to watch through the projected screen at Leon, as he seems to be taking a moment to try and best figure out how to answer. Honestly, that's sign enough that he's not going to give her an actual answer, not a real one. 

Sure enough, he gives her the good soldier response, and she can't quite help the roll of her eyes.

"Ain't really much've an answer, y'ken." A loose gesture of her hands closes the screens, now watching Leon a bit more closely than she maybe had been before. The serious expression on her face only lasts a moment longer, before awkwardness seeps back in and she turns her gaze away with a bit of a huff. "I dinnae ask if ye could do anythin' 'bout it. Just asked if ye thought 'bout it."

She'd trade their places, if she could. There isn't a doubt in her mind that if Leon was operating her Holon, then things would have been moving way faster: he had better balance, already had experience in operating massive pieces of war tech, and could actually aim without auto-assist. The team would've been better off with someone like him.

( the team would've been better off with anyone but her )

Again, she opens the screen, swiping through her designs before pulling up the one she'd been playing around with for Valentina, beginning to tweak some things. She always thought better when she could multitask. "Jus' can't believe that of all the minds in th' Polity, you guys were unlucky enuff t'get stuck with someone who can't even fire straight."

Leon isn't nearly as tech savvy as Cammie, but even he can recognize just how impressive what she's working on is. She had some good ideas for personalizing each holon, and he knows just how important being comfortable in your skin can be, even if that skin happens to be a four-story tall machine that you were piloting with your mind. If he needed to go to bat for the team with Colonel Marin, he would…, but he'd wait until Migas and Cammie were ready with their designs.

The three of them (Chase, Migas, and Leon) had always been pretty close friends, even Jodie, when he wasn't being a prick, so it didn't surprise him to hear that Garza was the one who had had the idea to cook something special up for Chase. They'd all been …. shocked doesn't feel like a strong enough word, but they hadn't been able to believe it when they'd discovered that Chase was alive…, and it made sense that Migas wanted to make him feel more at home again.

He shifts his attention back to Cammie herself when she speaks, watching as she focuses on her designs rather than looking at him. Her question doesn't exactly surprise him, and it's something he's been thinking about ever since Dr. Weller had mentioned in front of the others, and it had been the first time he'd heard about it too.

"I….," he started, then stopped, letting out a little sigh. Truth be told…., he thought a lot of things about the fact that he was gen:LOCK compatible but too old to actually be useful.

Leon crosses his arms over his chest, doing his best to appear more nonchalant than he actually is. "Not much I can do about it now," is what he says. Did part of him wish he could be out there in one of the holons instead of his Strider? He'd be lying if he said no…, but it wouldn't change anything. He just had to make sure that the team was ready for anything that came after them…, and that was what he was gonna do.

[callsigntrixx]

@unlockthestars: “ you’re lucky you’re cute. ” [GL kid of your choice; this could come from any of them]

Normally, when she's being called cute, it feels like a compliment, maybe some friendly teasing. Out of Yaz, it sounds more like scolding. Still, if she was really mad at her, she wouldn't be calling her cute... right? She'd sound more like she did when going off on Chase for being his usal, Chase-y self.

"Ain't luck -- it's called a survival strategy," she finally comes back with a cheeky grin. "Think about it: nobody goes an' suspects the cute l'il blonde girl a' bein' anythin' worth worrying about. So they leave me alone. Tha's how I got away with hacking into two major banks b'fore the Polity caught me."

A pause, then, and a more sheepish expression: "Dinnae think it'll work on Marin, though."

misc. starters

[callsigntrixx]

@unlockthestars​ for doc weller

"So, if'n I mind-meld wi' someone, and they've eaten but I ain't had lunch -- do they get hungry or do I get full?"

[callsigntrixx]

@unlockthestars​ asked: "The sniper leans on Cammie's bunk, just watching her for a moment, before dropping the latest volume of the manga she'd been waiting for on the bunk without a word, and then they dropped onto their own bunk. (from Val <3)

It's the pressure on her mattress that draws Cammie from her thoughts, the redesigns she's been mulling over for the last week ( with Migas' help ) forgotten as she turns to glance over at Val in surprise. Like most of the squad, she's... quiet, but at least unlike Yasamin and Kazu, she doesn't have to guess what Valentina is thinking. Or at least, she thought that was true.

The book is dropped down without a word, and Cammie is momentarily too preoccupied watching Val drop down onto her bunk beneath to notice what exactly she'd been gifted. It doesn't go unnoticed for long, however, picked up with a sharp gasp --

-- and in the next moment, Cammie is swung upside down to look at her bunkmate. "Where'd you find this? I though Yas said we ain't s'pposed to go off base, an' I ken the commissary ain't in the habit of sellin' anything good."