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seishiroh · 1 year

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— it felt like the world / nagi seishiro x reader.

— hurt/comfort (i think). light angst (real). established relationship & break-up. timeskips. pro-player!nagi.

when you were seventeen, figuring out that nagi seishiro didn't mind you at all felt like the world.

when you hand him your heart on a silver platter and his gaze is warm and he replies okay, (like you're meant to understand what okay even means) there's a brush of pink on his cheeks.

he takes your hand because you're walking home together, pauses, then speaks, "i don't know how to be a boyfriend though…"

your answer is a smile, like you're happy enough just to be with him.

"just be yourself, nagi." you say.

he can do that—be himself. it's easy and being with you is easy, too. being with you feels nice, even if he isn't quite sure how to describe it—that should be enough for now. thinking too much about it is too much of a hassle anyway.

it's enough for quite a long while, actually. up until he's inside the blue lock building and reo is persuading him to stay.

"this is lame, though. i'd rather go home to y/n," he says.

but ego jinpachi and reo knew exactly just what to say to keep him in blue lock. after that, you're stuck with occasional calls and a few texts.

even with this, even just a little bit, nagi starts feeling like he's a world away. it’s probably the puppy love of it all, that you want more of his time with you. you're reckless enough to let that thought slip through when you're talking to him.

"what if you get eliminated, though?"

"hmm? s'not possible, reo won't let that happen…" and nagi sounds so sure of himself, all the time.

"you'll be gone for much longer, then?"

"i guess. training is such a pain. i just want to sleep and play games with you."

you laugh a little, silently, because he sounds so sleepy teetering the edge of knocking out.

"i wish they'd let you out, though. even just for a day… you feel so far away…" you trail off, the silence follows you, and you think he's finally asleep.

you wish him goodnight before hanging up, before the corners of your lips quiver into a frown.

it takes nagi two days.

two days after your last call, there's a knock on your door just as you finish watering choki.

when you open your front door and find your boyfriend standing there, phone blaring with the sound of his game, eyes trained to the screen—you can't help but hold your breath. there’s an echo of game over through the speakers of his phone before his grey eyes finally meet yours.

then, nagi smiles. he slips his phone inside his pocket, places his hand on top of your head, then leads you inside as if he owned the place.

but ah, well… with the love you had for him, you’d probably let him have all that was yours anyway.

all you get is a day with him, but it's enough for you to feel like your chest is expanding, like you're full of affection just for him. he seems different already from your time apart, but it's a good different and you're happy for him.

he's cuddled up against you and you feel like this is all you'll ever want—him. you've only been together for a few months and he seems rough around the edges, but you're starting to understand that nagi's love language is the way he's always touching you and pressing soft kisses against your skin like he's constantly telling you, silently letting you know, that he loves you.

but all you get is a day, then he's back in blue lock. the next time you see him is in the bleachers of their match against the JPN U-20 team and you're nothing short of captivated. it feels surreal to see him in the field like this, beaming with energy—he looks like he belongs with the stars, like he's exactly where he's meant to be.

there’s no question about him going pro. he will. and even when he starts feeling like he’s worlds away again, you couldn’t possibly love him less.

until he had to leave you.

you're standing opposite from each other in your living room. you're upset because you don’t want him to go, he can tell, but he's unyielding.

"this is something i want, though," he tells you, just factually, like this is just something you had to accept without a fight.

it's funny, because you had a lot of fight in you, actually. but you wanted him so bad, loved him so much.

in the end, you could only pray that the long distance works.

at twenty-one, nagi leaves you to join a team in england. he leaves you with choki and a promise he'd come back, visit you when he can. but each day spent without him, your chest empties out the affection it had once been full of. it's slow because nagi actually loved you, you knew this. he called as much as he could, he'd tell you to watch him play through the television and once in a while, rare as it is, there's a bouquet of flowers at your front door.

love is enough except when he comes home to you briefly for your anniversary, nagi knows something is wrong. somehow, despite the warmth in your eyes and your happiness that he’s there, you’re privy to his touch.

like he’s completely unfamiliar to you.

it doesn’t stop him from proposing, it doesn’t stop you from saying yes. you keep thinking you don’t want him to slip from your fingertips but nagi knows you’re slipping from his. he moves in with you, you're hopeful again.

it wouldn't kill you if you couldn't hold his hand whenever you want. you think perhaps this is enough. it had to be.

it doesn’t stop him from flying back to england after. he still called as much as he could—but the time difference remains difficult, the press is ruthless with assumptions when nagi's partnered up with models in brand endorsements, and nagi hears less of you when he's too tired from his games. eventually, you stopped picking up every call because you'd rather be busy with your life than wonder what your lover was up to, miles away from you and knowing this wasn't enough.

you realise it when your heart is finally breaking, that you’re asking this over the phone instead of right in front of him.

“my parents have been asking, seishiro… when are we getting married?”

you've been engaged for over a year and no plans have been made—but it’s worse when you’re met with silence. the future blurs further, you’re not sure if you could do this alone anymore because this was his decision. when he said he’d come back, you probably should’ve asked how long he’d be gone from you.

“we can figure it out when the contract ends, planning a wedding's a pain anyway,” he mutters through the phone.

“but i want you home, sei.” and it’s the most honest you’ve ever been to him in the past two years.

“i can’t just leave, though,” he replies. you wonder if he'd ever thought the same two years ago, before he left you.

you wonder if it would be petty of you to ask if he ever thought he couldn't just leave you.

he gets a vacation on the next year, just a year before his contract with manshine city ends. but you’re with him on the couch when he tells you he’s being offered a better contract in spain. that he wants to take it. you want to be happy for him, but the breaking of your heart is loud enough in your own ears. it’s so loud that the words slipping from your mouth are unfiltered and uttered without thought.

“what about us, sei? what about me?”

nagi frowns like he doesn’t understand what you mean.

“it's not like we're in a hurry to get married, y/n. we can just do it whenever.”

“would you leave me then, too?”

"it doesn't matter, we'd still be together." but you couldn't give him the answer he wants and the ring on your finger is starting to feel heavier.

your silence is all that he's met with and the uncertainty frustrates him. if he's honest, realising you might not want to be with him anymore hurts. so instead he asks again, "do we have to figure this out now?"

"you've been away from me for years, sei. when will you come home? or am i just not worth staying around for?"

he stands from the couch, phone in hand, "i dunno, maybe you're not."

he says it so nonchalantly. as if it wasn't enough to break you. you know he's about to walk out the door, leave again.

"i miss you, you know. i want to feel like you still love me… but you're so far away from me," you try while you're watching him shrug his hoodie on, reaching for his keys.

watching him leave.

"you've been saying this for years. you're just being a pain, y/n."

then he's out the door.

one week later and six years of your relationship with nagi runs down the drain.

you wonder what hurts more: letting him go or in another universe, being married to him while you're stuck apart from each other—because leaving you was easy.

your place is rid of nagi's things, it isn't much, he simply loads it up in the back of his car. for either of you, it's yet to sink in.

until you're slipping the diamond ring from your finger, standing in front of him.

"take care, nagi," you tell him with a tight smile, the ring falling into the palm of his hand and an ache settling heavy on his chest.

he hums, eyes trained on the ring he got for you. he says okay and then he's driving off. you're left to wonder where you go from here.

nagi comes back to england early and news of your split is quick.

a few months later, rumours of him taking an offer from a team in spain circulates and your heart hurts again because even if this is how you split up, you wish you could still hear his voice after he wins a game—telling you he's tired, telling you he wishes he could just go home to you.

but nagi doesn't know what to do with himself after every win anymore. when his teammates invite him for a celebratory drink, he comes only because he isn't sure he can handle the frustration of knowing he can't call you, or that you won't pick up even if he did.

he has a few months left with manshine before he could sign a new contract. the frustration never ends though; every moment slipping by him, the ring he keeps on a chain around his neck is a weight heavy with your absence.

he thought that this is what he wanted, that being far from you never really mattered, that it's okay if he couldn't feel you against him anymore, couldn't kiss you like he's telling you he loves you without the words.

he wonders if you felt like this the whole time he's been away for years.

it's a pain that he figures he never wants to feel anymore.

so when the year ends, nagi finds himself at your front door instead of spain.

your door opens and there you are, pretty as ever, eyes bright with a kind of carefree edge to them. but you're pretty, even with the shock painting your face that he'd usually tease you for.

it's all he could think of, that you're so pretty and so, so close to him again and there's so much he wants to say with no idea how to say them.

"nagi… what are you…?"

"i missed you," is the first thing he says. they're words enough to make your lips quiver and eyes sting. "and i'm sorry, i left thinking i'll be fine even if i loved you."

he speaks while he's trying to etch into memory the way you say his name again, so clearly, so softly. you miss him a lot too, you want him back without question, but you think you can't just take him back to let him leave again.

"but you're supposed to be in spain—" you mumble, confused. he's shaking his head before you could finish, a pout settled on his lips.

"i don't want to be there, though. i want to stay here with you, if you let me again..."

"i don't understand, what about soccer?"

"doesn't matter anymore, i could just join the japan u-20. they'll let me do that, right? but everything else is a pain if you're not there." he sounds so sure of himself, like he thought about it everyday since you were gone from him.

it's difficult to process because you've wanted this for so long, to finally have him back to you. it takes you so long that he gets nervous, because what if you don't want him anymore?

he shifts his gaze, suddenly flustered but all the more certain, "i love you, y/n. i'll prove it to you if i have to."

to be honest, nagi isn't sure what he would've done if you didn't want him anymore. perhaps he could've tried his best to win you back, even if it took him too much effort. he'd do it only because nothing truly makes him as happy as he is with you. nothing is that much troubling or that much boring as long as he had you.

it's just you he needs, really.

luckily for him, he doesn't really have to dwell on it—because your warmth engulfs him, your arms around his body.

and he says, finally, "i'm home, y/n."

#nagi seishiro #nagi x reader #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #:: thread of fate #blue lock angst #BRO HAHAHAHAHHAAH WHAT IS THIS LMFAOOAOAOA #im not sure what this is idk how to feel abt this cause it doesnt feel good enough bUT IT IS WHAT IT IS #bro im never letting myself stop writing for so long again...

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seishiroh · 1 year

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— i dreamt you loved me / nagi seishiro x reader.

— light angst. college!au. friends w/ benefits; mentions of sex & suggestive scenes. pining & kind of idiots in love.

— note: surely, i write the next part.

nagi seishiro looks beautiful.

it's silly to think, really. when you met nagi in your first year of college, you thought you'd hate him.

he'd been arrogant. he'd sleep through lectures while you'd take down notes, yet when the exam results came, it's his name above yours. to this day, you're not sure if it was an unfortunate thing that you'd been long term friends with isagi. because then, perhaps he wouldn't have persuaded you to help tutor their study group for the rest of the semester.

a study group where you meet bachira, reo, and (with isagi's head on your hit list) nagi seishiro—who, despite being top of that class, refused to be of any help to his own friends.

(when you came, though, he'd finally start muttering how to answer the questions. most of his attention on his game console and when you're not looking, trained on your face—as if he'd been trying to figure you out. as if he wants you to recognize that he's there.)

what you'd thought you'd deal with for only a semester, turns out to become your group of friends.

nagi, who you'd thought you'd hate, turned to become your crush.

you suppose your first mistake was thinking it was nothing; it's a crush, it doesn't really mean anything other than you're attracted to him. that's what you kept telling yourself until it's six months later and you're starting to feel suffocated by the terrible fact that you'd genuinely started to like nagi—more than a friend should.

as all things come and go, you think the same of the skipping of your heartbeat when nagi is around.

if you're honest, you're not even quite sure what prompted your feelings. sometimes, you think he's just so effortlessly impressive when you get to know him that it becomes difficult to look past it. sometimes, you think it's the comfort in what seems like intimate skinship between the both of you—his unashamed way of reaching over to tuck your hair behind your ear no matter who was looking, your arm around his bicep when you're walking together, his head on your lap when you're studying and he couldn't be bothered to do the same.

instead of fading, your feelings grew like a well-loved flower blooming in the spring.

nagi seishiro looks beautiful.

especially when he's draping his body over yours on the couch the moment he comes through the door of your apartment; but you have company and you don't miss the way isagi and bachira share a look, quick to make a comment.

"huh? nagicchi, are you finally dating y/n?"

"...eh?" he groans before sluggishly sitting up, not really even sparing anyone a glance as he reaches for his phone. "no, why would i do that?"

isagi is quick to meet your eye, because he knows, because it's so obvious.

you clear your throat, picking up your pen. still, your voice cracks, "y-yeah, why would we—that's—"

you're grasping at nothing as the sound of nagi's game filters in. it's still bachira who speaks up, a finger held up to his face, "why wouldn't you, though? y/n's cool and you like her, right? nagicchi?"

you feel your heart dropping to your stomach.

nagi hums, quick to respond this time. "yeah but i don't really want a relationship. working hard for something like that… sounds so tiring."

you're not sure where to pay attention to. the yeah or everything else after that? yeah, you're cool or yeah, he liked you in the way you've always wanted him to? but nagi doesn't really allow you to think further. after all, he's shutting down any chances you have before you even knew there was any.

you must be insane, then.

when they leave and nagi stays, all you're left with is tension. it's unfortunate because nagi gets clingier when it's just the two of you, shuffling once in a while to lean on your shoulder.

you think you're fine, but you seem to forget just how perceptive nagi could get. he sighs, drawn out, and you could only squeak in surprise when he brings his hand to your face, tilting you to look back at him. eyebrows furrowed, frowning as he stares at you, reading you perfectly, "why're you so tense?"

"i'm not—"

"you like me, right?" it's not a question at all when he says it out loud. your answering nod is simply an accessory.

you can feel the back and forth brush of his thumb on your cheek and his hand snaking to your waist, pulling you closer, "and you'd let me kiss you?"

you level his stare, trying to get something. anything.

"only if you like me too, sei…"

your breath is hot and your heart is on the line, nagi brushes his lips against yours, then presses, and finds all the ways to make you whimper with his familiar touch.

there's no answer.

not even in the morning after.

nagi seishiro looks beautiful.

lying on his stomach, the duvet shrugged just halfway his torso, and a few pink scratches across his back.

but you should get up.

truthfully, though, your legs ache and nagi's bed is comfortable. were you given a choice, you'd stay here instead of getting ready for your class. then, you'd revel in the comfort of nagi's arm slung around your waist and the heat of his bare body pressed against yours ever so slightly.

except you shouldn't. it's not like he's your boyfriend. in fact, you shouldn't even have stayed the night.

it's a rule you've given yourself a few months after your rendezvous with nagi started. you can't let yourself stay after sex, not with the feelings that have been brewing over you until now.

you get up, go to class, then you promise yourself you'd stop caving in the next time nagi is pulling you back to bed—voice lazy, raspy, and so, so persuasive.

"aren't you tired?" he'd murmur against his pillow, his hand wrapped around your wrist willing you to stay.

of course you are, but you think you'd rather brave it than stay with him in bed like couples do; yearning to hear him say something unlike himself, like how he wishes you'd be his girlfriend.

but he doesn't and you're not.

in the end, you still find yourself beneath his sheets and when he's asking you to stay again—like you're not just a friend he fucks, you start to wonder if he's changed his mind yet.

"it's bothersome, y/n. you should just bring a bag so you don't have to leave after." he turns while you're sitting up on his bed. "just let some of your stuff stay here," he tells you carelessly.

"i'm not your girlfriend, sei."

"i'm not asking you to be, though, just—"

the breath you take is sharp, cutting him off, "that's the problem. you can't just say those things, sei."

"you're getting worked up over nothing, y/n. i don't see the big deal," he replies.

so turn to him, frustrated, "the big deal is that i'm in love with you, you dumbass!"

it feels silly when you finally say it, but you feel stuck. in your feelings, in what he so selfishly wants, in what you're always so willing to give him.

a beat passes and still, all you get is his silence. you scoff, pushing away the sheets, "you know, for someone so smart, you're so awfully dense, nagi."

it's the last thing you tell him before you're gathering your things and walking out the door.

finally, he doesn't do anything to stop you. you should be relieved, but all you get is heartache.

being in the same circle, it doesn't take long for you to figure out that nagi has been avoiding you. in the lecture hall, instead of sitting next to you like he usually does, careless that he's late—nagi starts sitting across the room, far away from you.

you understand you might've sounded so mad before, when you blurted out how you were in love with him. it makes you wince in embarrassment now that you think of it but what's done is done. so you think maybe that's why he's avoiding you, aside from your feelings he clearly had no interest in.

isagi, bachira, and reo must know by now too. if the way they avoid mentioning nagi to you or covering up about how nagi can't make it to hang out with you guys is any indication.

this is what makes you take the defeat. nagi only had them, after all.

before you.

you start telling them you won't make it and start hanging out with other people. one of them, yukimiya kenyu.

you have most of your classes with him and lately, he's been taking the spot next to you where nagi used to be. he's sweet, nice—he's charming in an effortless way.

and he's waiting by the door outside your lecture hall after class. it's the only one you have without him, it's the one he's been waiting by, a bouquet of flowers in hand.

you can feel your cheeks heating up because everyone else is filtering out the door when he pulls you to the side.

"hey," he greets you with a beautiful smile.

"hey, what are you doing here?" your voice is small, unconsciously shy.

"i just wanted to hand you these, and ask if you're free after this," he seems almost sheepish, the way he holds the bouquet out to you, no matter how confident you know he is.

your breath hitches. the flowers are beautiful, in your favorite colors, as if he's letting you know he's been paying attention to you.

you want to agree, but it's a different voice that replies to him before you could.

"c'mon, y/n. isagi said they're at the cafe," nagi says loud enough for yukimiya to hear, his hand reaching out to clasp with yours.

it takes you by surprise, enough to dodge him completely. it's been weeks since he last spoke to you, not even in this class where you only knew each other.

yukimiya is there to watch it, the way you react to nagi seishiro and the way nagi is looking at you like he wants to take you away. he thinks you probably don't see it. he likes you, as a friend and more than that, and he wonders if—as a good friend—he should tell you that nagi looks at you like he loves you.

you stammer, looking for the words to say before shaking your head. "just tell them i can't make it today, nagi."

"you haven't come to hang out with us for a while though," nagi's answer is quick, sounding defiant.

you glance at yukimiya, wrapping your arm around his, hoping he won't walk out on you because of how awkward this is.

"i can just come next time, nagi," you force a smile. "but yeah, yukki and i should get going."

luckily, yukimiya plays along, humming in thought and mentioning the drive you'll have to take. it's enough for you to be able to bid nagi goodbye.

nagi watches you walk away, your hand reaching out to hold the bouquet. he can hear your soft voice thanking yukimiya for the flowers, slowly getting farther and farther away from him.

and as if the world was there to mock him, a single, small flower from your bouquet slips and flows with the wind.

landing in front of him.

he doesn't know why, but he reaches to take it, bringing it home with him.

#nagi x reader #nagi seishiro #bllk x reader #blue lock x reader #blue lock angst #:: thread of fate #idk anymore pls

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