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biteghost · 4 years ago

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How do you come up with so many cool characters?? All of your OCs seem so vibrant and fleshed out. Do you have a specific process for developing them, or do they just kinda come to you mostly formed? I find I struggle with building a compelling OCs for D&D games & would love to hear your thoughts on character development.

(This answer got long, sorry.) This is a super nice sentiment, I’m happy you think my characters are all cool and unique!!

As far as process goes, uh, it depends on the character? I’ve spent a long time (years) rewiring my brain when it comes to what I think about when creating OCs. They don’t usually come to me fully formed - I get an idea in my head about a concept, and then over like a week or even months of fiddling I end up with a character for that concept.

A lot of the time my characters are simply people I wanted to see more of in media as a kid! Mostly, female characters I actually relate to or are as nuanced and messy as their male cast members, haha... (It was a trip when I realized in high school that I didn’t hate female characters - it was actually that none of them were written as well as the cool boys in the anime series I liked, haha! Be the change you want to see in the world, basically.)

Inspiration for characters (and stories for them to be part of) come from a lot of places. An easy piece of advice is to make an effort to intake media you like! Read new comics, watch new movies and television shows, read books, play video games, listen to music and obsessively memorize the lyrics - hell, obsessively learn everything there is to know about black holes or public domain characters (that’s what I did, lol...)!

(Note: ’New’ meaning new to YOU - you don’t need to only be partaking of media that’s created in 2021 - you can find a lot to love in media that was created before your time, or for generations before you!)

I must reiterate: intake new media that you ENJOY! You don’t have to like all the same things as everyone else, you don’t have to be invested in the same shows and podcasts as your friends. Varied interests and taste is part of what makes us all unique! Increasing your pool of inspiration will help you come up with interesting ideas, and help you find YOUR voice. Your particular interests and the niche things that speak to you will help you figure out what kind of characters and what kind of stories you like to create! But the process doesn’t end at just intaking media... When you find the stuff that brings you joy, analyze what exactly it is about that thing that speaks to you... Put it into words. Explain it to a friend. Make it tangible, analyze the feelings and why the series made you feel that way... and then take it and shove it into your own stories, lol!

Engage critically and thoughtfully with work you like, with characters you like, and it will help you have the language and thought process to recreate it in your own work!

My creative process is like an exquisite corpse of all the characters and series I’ve liked over my lifetime. I mesh them all together in a grim blender and what comes out is a shake in the vague shape as an OC, lol

BUT... it seems like you’re asking more specifically about making characters for tabletop roleplaying games like D&D? And THAT is a different process for me than making OCs for my comics or original story ideas!

I don’t usually join a tabletop game with a fully fleshed out character, actually?? I don’t spend a long time on their backstory, and I usually figure it out like halfway through the story, or through collaboration with my game master!

My TTRPG characters are usually whatever I think would be most interesting in the given game setting or set-up and... usually they exist in opposition to whatever the core concept of the game is. So, the examples I have from games I’ve played are:

In Cardians: West (World of Darkness: Hunter the Vigil): we played in a modern-day urban fantasy setting, where players were recruited into a supernatural Hunter group that was also a criminal organization that Did Crimes and Broke The Law in the name of keeping peace and protecting humanity from the supernatural creatures that go bump in the night. I played Andrew, a Lawful Good Police Detective, because I thought playing a character who would need to grow past his original ideals of ‘Right and Wrong’ in the name of the greater good would be interesting! (And it was!)

In SINNING ADVENTURE (WoD: Geist: The Sin-Eaters) we payed in a modern-day urban fantasy setting with the premise that the players all Died and were brought back to life by forming a pact with a powerful spirit (and getting cool ghost powers in the process!) I played Cassius, a character who could not cope with his death, and thus refused to use his new powers because they were evidence that he was no longer strictly human. It caused conflict in the group and world, but I thought it would be interesting! (And it was! Cassius was a Bitch.)

In Rex Machina (Dungeons and Dragons 5E), I wanted to play an Aarakocra, but was having a hard time deciding on a class or backstory... until I found out that in the ‘canon’ of D&D Aarakocra only live to be like, mid 20s???? Their lifespans are insanely short compared to other playable races!! And I thought that was stupid, so I decided to make MY Aarakocra, Izzy, a warlock that’s looking for ways to extend his own stupidly short life. His pact essentially granted that to him, giving him extra time to find a way to achieve True Immortality. His conflict challenges what’s ‘true’ living in this world, and his extended life is in direct conflict with a lot of forces in the world we play in, and while it is very stressful I think it’s really interesting to play!

In Lamplighting (Monster of the Week), my character Aicen is an assassin who made a deal with a demon and gained supernatural perks out of it... except I decided that she doesn’t WANT to be in this deal. She is actively trying to undo it because it wasn’t her deal - she inherited it from a CEO that she killed during an unrelated job. (Aicen is probably my character I’ve put the most backstory into, and that’s just because at character creation in MOTW you are given a lot of questions about who your character is and why they’re where they are!)

In Hand of Adam (WoD: HtV), the concept was that all players were going to join a post-apocalyptic supernatural-hating cult. I played Shouter, who was a self-preserving pacifist coward who also turned out to be a fae (which the cult would have killed him over). It was stressful but very fun. I love Shouter. He ran away from fights and didn’t actually kill anyone until the last episode where they fought God (whom he killed, lol).

NOW. THESE ARE ALL JUST EXAMPLES OF HOW *I* LIKE TO PLAY CHARACTERS!! For me personally, I enjoy playing a character who has built-in conflict either with the world, the story, or the other players. I’m only able to play characters like this because my friend group are all really cool and we all know that conflict is not bad - it’s fiction and we’re just roleplaying! If I didn’t trust my GMs and fellow players as much as I do, I probably wouldn’t have felt comfortable enough playing some of these concepts.

I don’t think you need to know every little thing about a tabletop character, and in fact, not knowing some things and leaving it up to the GM and story to flesh out is an easy way to help you get more invested in both your character AND the story your GM is telling! Tabletops are a collaborative storytelling experience, so if you’ve already plotted out your character’s whole story, there won’t be much participation from other players or your GM. Figure out what your character wants, and let your roleplaying and GM slowly put all the other pieces in place over the course of your campaign!

But the TL:DR about how I make tabletop OCs is that I just... try to give them a goal, an ideal, or a personality that is in direct conflict with some aspect of the game we’re playing. I don’t want the character to be undermining the whole game, because that’s really crappy to do to your GM, but I have to have something for my character to grow through or change. I like giving them built-in character arc starters, lol. I haven’t played a game where my character has gotten along with every other player character and NPC over the entire campaign since my very FIRST game, lol!

Also, if you’re having trouble, why not ask your GM what they think? Again, tabletops are collaborative! Don’t be afraid to talk ideas out with your GM for your character.

A final note about playing in specifically oneshot games (i.e. games that are not long campaigns but are meant to be played in one or two sittings). Personally, I always just retrofit an OC I already have to play in oneshots! When I make a new character for a long campaign, it usually takes me two or three sessions to find their voice and figure out how to roleplay them. If the game you’re playing is only one session, I find it easier to jump right in and get the most out of your character and the game when you’re playing a character you already know pretty well! I’ve played characters from my webcomic quite a few times, and it’s always a lot more fun for me than figuring out a new character on the fly!

SO UH, IN CONCLUSION... sorry if this is mad unhelpfu!! My personal processes are unique to me! but that's the point - no one person will have the exact answer that works for you! You have to keep trying until you figure it out for yourself! Good luck! Keep creating! <3

#long post #asktime #not art #art talk #writing talk #tabletop talk #gif #iwishihadhorns

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sunbellylou · 4 years ago

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ask for writers !!

thank you @tomlinvelvetfics for tagging me! and thank you @soldouthaz for making this tag!

1. describe how you first started writing and when you first posted: i’ve been writing for years now, i started with het (ew!) 1d fics in portuguese back in 2011, it was actually those little imagines we used to write, don’t know if anyone remembers hehe. i posted them on a facebook page i was part of and i remember the first thingy i wrote was something with niall, but i really don’t remember any details (but was probably bad as heck since i was 11).

my first larry fic i probably wrote around 2012 when i found out the gay fanfics world haha, i don’t remember what it was or anything tbh, in my head i always wrote and posted gay fanfic.

my first fanfic in english was a little one shot (like 400 words honestly), it was a translation of a previous work i wrote portuguese. i posted it a year and a half ago and it’s called playground love (please don’t look).

2. which of your characters do you typically resonate most closely with? do you base any characters off of yourself?: i usually write from harry’s pov because i love love l o v e describing louis and how angelic he is, so usually i tend to see louis as this ethereal ish character, cause it’s usually about harry falling in love with him. so whether i like it or no, i tend to be closer to harry’s characters in my fics, i always like to put a bit of myself on him and make the character real, you know?

3. where do you often find inspiration?: honestly? anything! i’ve written fics inspired by tumblr posts, tweets, pictures, songs, movies, things that happened in my real life, books. i literally wrote a pwp because i couldn’t stop thinking about leather pants (go read my robin hood au).

4. has quarantine helped or hindered your writing process?: in the beginning it was really helping me, i’d stay up till 4am everyday just writing like crazy, but then i got into the worst writer’s block and didn’t write shit for months. (and of course right when i started getting new ideas, i started working so i have no free time).

5. do you listen to music/noise while you write or do you prefer silence? always listen to music, all the time. i can’t do anything without music. mostly because my brain is a mess and music helps me concentrate. i usually go for some chill songs, some indie pop and stuff.

6. what is your biggest writing pet peeve in your writing or in general?: oh my god, when i’m writing and two or more paragraphs start with the same word, one after the other. it drives me crazy!!!! and sometimes i spend hours looking for ways to word differently the sentences, just so i don’t have two paragraphs starting with “the”.

also when my paragraphs are two (or one) lines long, i can’t! it has to have three or more lines.

7. describe your ideal writing setup: at the dining table, in the middle of the night, with some soft music playing in the background and some popcorn with me!

8. favorite time of day to write?: well, just said it hehe i like writing at night.

9. favorite genre to write + one you’d like to try writing in the future?: woah, that’s tough because i literally write any genres! i really love writing fantasy and horror stuff, but i feel like it’s not really well accepted in the fandom? (spec horror). and when people like it, they only read from bigger authors so i usually keep myself from writing those. aaand tbh i probably already wrote most of fic genres out there, so there isn’t much left to try.

10. do you struggle with writer’s block? how do you typically overcome it? i’m writer’s block bitch and i do not know how to overcome her

11. what is the easiest part of your writing process and the most difficult? outlining tbh, i usually don’t (and it comes back to kick me in the ass). i always have too many ideas at the same time and can’t stick to one, so outlining and finding the right plot is really hard.

12. how do you come up with original characters? (if applicable): lately i haven’t really had the chance to come up with ocs, but when i wrote original books (not fanfics and stuff), i usually started with the gender and one outstanding personality trait and went from there.

13. what is your favorite and least favorite word? i love the words ethereal and breeze, omg you’ll find them A LOT on my fics. and my least favorite word is growl.

14. what is one thing about your writing that you’re really proud of and one thing you hope to continue working at?: i think i describe the vibez in the scene really well, it’s my favorite thing to do. and i need to work more on building my sentences, because theyre always supermessy.

15. what work of yours has your favorite ‘verse/world building? how did you come up with it?: definitely the fic i’m working on right now! i’m putting so much work on the world building since it’s a fantasy fic, so i’m planning every little detail about it. i hope other people like it too when they read it !!

16. what font and size do you write in? single spaced or double?: comic sans, 12pt, single spaced. don’t come at me.

17. what is a typo(s) you find yourself making consistently?: because english isn’t my first language, i always change like ‘th’ for ‘d’ (because it has a similar sound in portuguese), so catch me typing ‘de’ instead of ‘the’ or ‘dey’ instead of ‘they’.

18. (if applicable) do you separate fic writing from fandom?: i didn’t understand the question so i’m pretending i never read it hehe

19. what emotion is your favorite to write? which is the most difficult?: my favorite to write is probably,,, love/adoration, like harry looking at louis like he’s the whole world and thinking about how amazing he is? i love it.

and the most difficult is probably anger, i find it really hard to write like fights and stuff like that because usually i make the characters sound more sad than angry.

20. what is one thing you hope readers always take away from your works?: i never thought about that but,,, i hope they start finding joy in small things that happen in their day. that’s something i use a lot in my fics and i think it’s very important to bring it to real life. like enjoy that late night tea, showering in the morning, spending a summer day in the house, cleaning, etc.

21. what is the best and worst writing advice you’ve ever received?: i think the best advice is one i got from someone i no longer talk to, they told me this when i first started writing in english and it is to stop trying to write fancy or like native english speakers, because it’s much better to write simple sentences that i’m confident about than write sentences with words i barely know how to use.

and the worst advice is TO OUTLINE! i know i should maybe i dont know but leave me alone, i hate outlining bye

22. which one of your works would you most want to see turned into a film/television show?: ok so,,, it’s a book i wrote like three years ago with original characters. it’s called great evil and i wrote it in portuguese. it’s full of violence and acid humor, about a very evil and sarcastic demon and an angry hunter. (one day i’ll translate that book and turn it into a larry fic)

23. do you write scenes chronologically or out of order?: chronologically. always

24. how do you handle criticism?: really bad. please be careful with what words you use. i’m already really hard on myself when it comes to my writing, so sometimes someone says something and (it might be dramatic but) i feel my world crumbling and i want to stop writing right away.

25. what is the advice you would give to someone who is looking to start writing?: just,,, do it. there’s no right or wrong way to do it. there’s no such thing as too much or too little, bad or good plots. every idea is a good idea. write it for yourself, write something you like. go ahead and just do it. there’s always someone out there who will enjoy your work, no matter what.

26. what kind of feedback on your work always makes your day?: any comments make my day tbh, if you comment on my fic i’ll be forever grateful and will be smiling like a fool the whole day. honestly, even a “omg i loved it” comment can make my day.

27. which fic ‘verse of your own would you most like to exist in? which fic’s characters would you most like to befriend?: the one i’m writing 100%, please i want to live in a fantasy world. i wanna live in the water kingdom and have faerie louis as my king please.

and i’d like to befriend louis from my fic kiss me in your chevrolet, he’s a sweetheart and i must protecc.

28. what do you always enjoy getting asks about/wish people would ask about more?: anything! i rarely get asks so anything is good hehe

29. what has writing added to your life? how has it changed you?: it’s such a big part of my life, i spent all my teenage years writing and it really is what built my personality. it helped me being more creative with all aspects of my life and take life lightly, enjoy little things and moments.

30. why do you write?: i just love having ideas and putting out there, playing with words and finding new ways to describe daily things.

boost yourself + tags!

1a. share the last sentence you wrote:

The path through the dense forest, covered in slippery rocks and burning trees is already difficult enough, but it becomes ten times worse when you’re being pestered by small, demonic creatures.

2a. describe the wip you’re most excited about:

i’m honestly only working on one fic right now and i’m super duper excited about it

3a. share the piece of dialogue from one of your works you’re most proud of:

"I mean, I still don't plan on watching Star Wars, so…"

The boy groans playfully, throwing his head back and Louis' eyes are suddenly really interested in the column of the guy's throat.

"Americans really have no culture." He shoulders Louis slightly, warmth spreading through Louis' dainty shoulder and making him trip to the side lightly. With a faux outraged scoff, Louis waves a dismissing hand.

“What do British people know about culture? All you do is drink tea and talk about the weather all day,” Louis teases with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. “Also, Star Wars is American, just so you know.” He rolled his eyes playfully, feeling surprisingly comfortable in his presence.

Skater Boy sighs comically, shaking his head, his wavy locks falling gracefully on the sides of his face and Louis can’t stop thinking about how soft his hair must be.

“You got me there.”

not posted but i kinda like it (i’m not really good with dialogues, so it was really hard to find one lmao)

4a. share the best first and last lines from your work(s): I will do only those that are already published:

best first lines are from a halloween fic i never finished:

Louis’ blue eyes snap open. His heart pounds fast inside his rib cage, making something as easy as breathing almost impossible. Sweat drenches his body and he feels like drowning. He feels too awake and wary as his breathing calms down, as well as his grips on the sheets under him loosen.

best last lines are from my 2019 BLFF there’s more than one place to call home:

Their life was utter chaos, and they were definitely complete opposites, and sometimes Harry wished Louis would just shut the hell up, but at the same time, Harry wouldn’t change a single thing about his life, because he had Louis, and that was all that mattered to him.

5a. link the last fic you read: it was the devil's in the details by @raspberryoatss

6a. link the last work you published: you could take a lick (but it’s too cold to bite me)

7a. link to your ao3 (if applicable): cinnamons

8a. someone that inspires you: louis hehe

9a. a comfort fic/work that you’ve been grateful for this year: tbh i don’t read a lot of fics, but there’s this work a friend of mine wrote. it was in portuguese and she ended up deleting it but it’s amazing.

10a. other writers that you’d like to tag! @bottomlwt @raspberryoatss

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jessicabrain · 6 years ago

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How to develop film ideas.

Are you having trouble generating film ideas? Don’t know what to create, why to create it or how? How does one create an idea for a film? Sitting alone trying to think of an idea? Putting pen to paper without real research? No. The answer is PVN.

A personal visual notebook, or also known as a PVN, is a notebook that can be used as inspiration and idea generating for film makers, or any other type of media creators. It’s filled with inspiration, information and creativity, all from you to help you. I know it sounds like a lot of work, but it really isn’t and it’s incredibly fun to make.

I was first introduced to creating a PVN for a university module for film production. We were inspired to put into our notebook anything that we had heard or seen that we could used as a starting point for a film idea. This could include stories we had heard, photos that we found interesting, notes on people watching, anything that came into your mind. It is supposed to be messy and creative and fun, filled with many different things that you found interesting that could develop into a film idea later on.

In the beginning of creating my first PVN, I was very cautious with what I wanted to put into it, as I think many of my classmates were. We were getting marked on this piece so we wanted to do it right and correct. But there is no specific right or wrong way to create a PVN. You can only get out of it what you put in it. If you don’t put any effort into creating your PVN, then you probably wont get any film idea from it.

We started by adding information about ourselves, giving a look at what our personalities were like, what we aspired to be within the film industry and what our inspirations were.

I looked at Black Mirror being a favourite television show of mine and at Charlie Brooker, the creator of Black Mirror, as inspirations. I thought about the type of films that I wanted to make and how I wanted to impact the audience. I wanted the audience to feel how I felt when watching Charlie Brooker’s work; entertained, informed, perplexed, wanting to watch more. I also looked at directing and editing, two film making skills that I wanted to pursue in my career. I looked at the Spanish horror film Rec for direction and Black Swan for editing. These films had caught my attention when I watched them and inspired me to want to make films. I wanted to be able to direct the way that Jaume Balagueró and Paco Plaza directed Rec, and I wanted to be able to edit the way that Andrew Weisblum edited the film together. These things inspired me with my film making creativity, so I put them in my PVN.

However, that I wad just an exercise for the module, it doesn’t mean that it has to be in your PVN, but if it is your first PVN and your struggling as to what to put in there then put this type of stuff in. Put in things that you like and find interesting; colour a complete page in your favourite colour, it might trigger an emotion that will inspire you, or put in your favourite pieces of photography and the cinematography or locations may inspire you. If you are creating a PVN without a theme to focus on, seriously put in everything and anything you can think of. Carry it around with you and put in conversations that you overhear while having coffee. These small things may inspire you for a scene, a short film or a blockbuster franchise. It’s a starting point.

Another exercise we completed in our PVN was visiting museums in Liverpool. Seeing a new place and exploring the city, not just the artifacts in the museums, was where I really started to understand the PVN. Before I was just filling pages with things I found interesting and analysing films I wouldn’t unusually watch. The pages were interesting and made me realise things that I wanted and didn’t want to do as a film maker. But I wasn’t generating film ideas. I thought my PVN was boring and bland. Until I made this trip and decided that I would just put in anything that caught my eye. This is where my PVN flourished.

There’s no end to where your creativity can take you in your PVN. My PVN was full of everything that I found interesting and inspiring in the Liverpool city and museums and many different film ideas developed from it. From having no film ideas, I finished the trip off with multiple ideas that I wouldn’t have developed unless I explored a new location and met new people. After this trip, I really started to get more creative with my PVN and really understood how I wanted to work in my PVN.

Next, I focused on a specific theme that I found interesting to me and I wanted to research for a film idea. I focused on the theme of feminism as it is something that is very important to me and I would like to make a interesting and informative film about it. I looked at all points of this theme, even points that were against feminism. In order to completely understand the movement I had to all at all aspects of it, positive and negative. I put pictures, quotes, statistics, articles, song lyrics, Instagram posts, real stories, poems, and anything else that I found an interest to the theme. I really enjoyed the research part of creating my PVN as there was so many things that I thought would make great inspirations for a film or even just a sequence. There were also so much stuff that I learnt about the feminism movement that I didn’t even know, so it was good to look at this theme from all points in order to completely understand it before I could take it forward to make a film about it.

There were so many ways that my PVN could and did turn. I looked at many different things that were possible to make a film about; the difference between equality and hatred, how children are brought up, how the word ‘feminism’ has so much negativity around it, how men can benefit from feminism, how extremist in feminism can ruin the movement, and so many more.

I turned towards sexual assault and rape. This wasn’t my intentions and wasn’t a path that I was originally going to develop for a film idea. However, living on a university campus, a certain things happening to female friends of mine really affected me and I found that this is a very relevant topic that needs to be discussed.

I researched rape and sexual assault and was really surprised with the statistics and information that was out there. Every page that I created in my PVN on this topic really was inspiring me for a load of different film ideas. I watched so many different films and television shows that represented rape and sexual assault. They really helped me with how explicit I wanted and felt that I needed to be.

I developed two main film ideas out of my PVN with my focused theme, with many more ideas ready to be developed throughout the entire PVN. I developed a fictional and non-fictional idea that I would take into production and create as films. There are so many other film ideas that I generated in the PVN that I can develop. Starting with not being able to generate ideas for a film to now having my pick of the choosing is really incredible and a lot easier that I thought. All of these ideas coming from myself, looking through my PVN makes me feel very proud.

Creating a PVN makes you into a much more creative person and film maker. Ideas pour our into your PVN to the point where you can have a number of film ideas when you thought you couldn’t develop one. It also opens new film makers eyes to the importance of research. Truly understanding the theme and topics of your film idea in order to create a film that is accurate. Letting your PVN go down different paths is important for you to discover new possible ideas and developments for your film. Where you originally thought you’d end up may not be when you actually end up with your film idea.

I would highly recommend creating a PVN for any young film maker that is struggling with developing and generating unique film ideas. Carry around your PVN and put anything and everything into it. Let it be messy and creative and see where it take your ideas. I am currently working on my second PVN, with a third also in the works. These PVN’s are focusing more on specific themes but I am putting in anything I find relevant and informative to these themes and already my ideas are changing and I’m becoming more informed. I would very much recommend any film maker to be creating these for their films, it is a very helpful process.

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thetypedwriter · 7 years ago

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The Wicker King Book Review

The Wicker King Book Review by K. Ancrum

Wowie, wowie, this book was a trip. Unfortunately I don’t mean that in the wow-what-a-fantastic-new-Miyazaki-movie-way because let’s be real, all of Hayao Miyazaki’s movies are a mind reel and anyone who actually understood all the intricacies of Spirited Away the first time they watched it is a bloody liar. That being said, The Wicker King is a fairly new publish by unknown author K. Ancrum that brings you the story of two very sad young men and their battle with negligence and mental health amongst a slew of other issues.

This was one of those books where nothing has been written about it and is largely ignored on every major social media platform. It’s hard to say why some books such as The Gentlemen’s Guide to Vice and Virtue seem like they have daily advertisements on Tumblr and Goodreads, while other books like this one are as noticeable as my Harry Potter fan fiction from 10 years ago. That being none at all.

I happened to stumble across this black little book on the shelves at Barnes & Noble over the holiday highdays on complete accident. Every few months I scour the shelves for anything and everything that captures my limited attention when it comes to young adult literature and this little beauty popped up for two reasons: the color of the pages and the synopsized fable of two tragically intertwined best friends.

Male best friends. Immediate zinger right there.

Unfortunately, good LGBTQ+ young adult literature is still highly limited and those that do exist are saturated with stereotypes and one dimensional characters flat enough to slip under a doorway. So, when a story so much as whispers about two best friends of the same gender needing each other and strongly hinting at not-so platonic feelings I am going to pick it up and I am going to read it.

Enough said.

However, that does not always mean I enjoy them (ie. The Love Interest by Cale Dietrich was an absolute train wreck). In the case of The Wicker King, I enjoyed some aspects of the story but found myself more disturbed at the end then hopeful. Let’s get down to the nitty gritty then.

Step one: the characters. It took me almost 20 pages to be able to differentiate between Jack and August, our two main protagonists. Although they're both described on the inside jacket as a pyromaniac and a golden sports boy respectively, it was difficult to figure out which one was which. And although Ancrum made it quite clear that the two boys are in two completely different social circles and don’t interact at school because it would confuse people, she yet starts doing that exact same thing almost immediately with no consequences or thoughts outside of a few petty comments.

As for the characters themselves I liked them. Jack seemed a little off kilter for reasons I won’t give out in fear of spoilers, but I did end up liking August despite everything. Ancrum also portrays some interesting female characters who seem tough and mean. Mean female characters are always fascinating to me (Blair Waldorf for the win anyone?)

Step two: the writing itself was staged and written chronically but in a way that delivered almost as snapshots. Ancrum didn’t so much have chapters as she did little sneak peeks into Jack and August’s lives. Each “chapter” was maybe a page to three pages before it would end. It was an interesting way to read in that it felt like you weren’t getting the whole picture but instead little peepholes that kept you guessing.

If this sounds like a turn off, don’t let it be. The way in which the scenes played out was smooth and cohesive, it was actually quite refreshing to read something that wasn’t an uber long chapter. It was easy to be sucked in and say, “okay, just one more, one more.” Just like me when I’m eating Cheetos.

Step three: graphics and coloring. In this aspect The Wicker King gets a 10/10. Ancrum was incredibly creative in a way that I found deeply impressive. The pages start off cream with black text as is pedantic for almost all novels. However, her pages slowly start to change from white with black text to completely black pages with white text. The transition follows the seamless progression of the plot: as the story gets darker so do the pages. The idea is so simple, and yet I’ve never seen it done before. Kudos to you Ms. Ancrum.

There is also something strangely satisfying about seeing the pages darken in front of your eyes as the main characters start to hallucinate more and lead to events like drowning and catching fire. In addition, Ancrum also includes little snippets of digital media that are scattered across the pages systematically: a brain scan here, a Police report there, a photograph, or a torn page of a notebook. I liked how they added to the story and filled in some holes left out by the snapshot writing process.

So you might be wondering, wow, this book sounds super creative and impressive, what’s wrong with it? That leads me to step four.

Step four: it was sad. Not in a Fault in Our Stars way sad, but sad in a way that leaves you cringing and looking for comfort food. The Wicker King is disturbing in its realistic portrayal of child abuse, neglected mental health, poverty, and just full blown ignorance. It’s frustrating to know that if Person A had just stepped in here or if Person B had actually paid attention, Jack and August could have had much better, healthier, happier lives. Alas, that doesn’t happen.

Sometimes I like reading about sad things in real life-like serial killer cases or child abduction or listening to any news station honestly. However, those instances are few and far between. Personally, reading is an escape from life that can sometimes be too harsh and unforgiving and so when I have to escape from my escape, it’s always a despairing occurrence. I realize that this is not the case for everyone. If you like to read about forlorn and melancholic characters, this is definitely a novel that might intrigue you. K. Ancrum personally wrote characters like Jack and August to relate to other kids who have lived the same dismal existence. If the rest of you are like me, you might be better off skipping over this one.

Recommendation: Unless you feast on the woebegone, love being inconsolable, or are studying pictorial representation and graphics in literature, The Wicker King is best left as an unknown book on the shelves that you always notice but have no interest in picking up unless you feel like sobbing.

Score: 6.5/10

#the wicker king #k ancrum #book review #book blog #teen books #ya fiction #books recommendations #lgbtq fiction

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onebrokegirlworld-blog · 5 years ago

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Ok, I have to admit, I have a obsessive passion for Disney! Movies, theme parks, trivia, memorabilia, you name it, I’m there!

This obsession started at a very young age, and even extended that obsession to getting one of my first jobs at Disney, working as a merchandise acquisition manager for The Disney Store in the early 90s in British Columbia when, what we affectionately call “The Company”, was setting up Disney Stores throughout Western Canada.

Sadly, I left The Company after a short but extremely enjoyable tenure, I’d go back to The Company in a second!

Why am I bringing this up now? Because it’s been snowing where I live in Maple Ridge, British Columbia. It’s been snowing A LOT! A lot more than we usually get in just a few days. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE snow! But <sigh> I do long for the forthcoming days of Spring with it’s warmer climes and blooming season. But right now, it’s cold and wet. And checking The Weather Network, Anaheim CA is currently a nice mostly sunny day at 17C degrees today.

So I’ve found myself armchair vacationing in my favorite place on the planet, Disneyland!! The original! Never to be duplicated, theme park that set the tone for generations of individuals and families to come. And having been a part of the traditions of the Walt Disney Company, I’m proud to say that I was a part of the magic.

So speaking of traditions, I’m going to segue into some little known trivia about the Walt Disney Company and Disneyland. I would venture to guess that there are millions of trivia facts and websites out there that have tons of trivia tidbits. I’ve probably read all of them!

The feral cats at night, the exclusive Club 33 (booze IN Disneyland anyone?? LOL), secret scents pumped into public areas to entice or enhance your experience, Walt’s secret on site apartment, secret menu items, the story behind Jingles the horse on King Arthur’s Carousel, the list goes on and on!

So I’m going to share some of the lesser known ones and some of my all time faves!

The first, traditions has two meanings in the Walt Disney Company. One, when you get hired by Disney, you go through an orientation process called “Traditions”. It’s where you learn about The Company, it’s history, values, all the groundwork that you, as a new employee (a Cast Member) need to share the magic with our customers, which we call Guests! <Insert Be Our Guest song here LOL> Disney makes use extensively of movie and theatre terminology in it’s references to almost every aspect of The Company.

The second part about Traditions are things that The Company does differently from everyone else that set them apart. And let’s face it, Disney is HUGE! And they wouldn’t be that way if they just followed everyone else’s lead. Traditions are tried and true processes or procedures that make The Company so successful time and time again. They are all based on simple principles that Walt himself thought were important and differentiated the way he did business from everyone else.

When you work for Disney, everyone, from the CEO to the entry level Cast member, wears a name tag. It always just has your first name on it. This was something that was important to Walt. He disliked being called Mr. Disney and encouraged everyone to use first names only. It imparted a casual feeling in The Company and helped to make everyone feel that they were part of the same family. The name tag has same shape across every branch of The Company and it’s appearance only varies dependent on what branch of The Company you work for (The Disney Store, Disneyland, Walt Disney World, etc etc etc LOL)

K, my niche that I fell in love with was theme park secrets. Every time I go to Disneyland I load up on theme park secrets and try to seek them out. It’s like a treasure hunt that makes, for me, the experience more enjoyable and rewarding... plus I’m a history nut anyway!

So, a couple little known Disneyland secrets..

One, the test brick wall.

During the construction of Disneyland, Disney Imagineers (an affectionate title of anyone involved in the creative processes of Disney) built a wall of bricks just off Main Street USA on the east side of the street, just past the locker area.

When Disney Imagineers were testing facades for Main Street USA, they tested two brick combinations, a very straight and symmetrical construction, or a more rustic haphazard looking assembly. The symmetrical look won out but the test wall is still there.

There is a lot of speculation as to why the wall was left there, some say that it would have cost more to take it down than leave it up, others say that the Imagineers left it there as a homage to future Guests as a part of Disneyland history.

My next favorite Disneyland secret, Doritos were invented in Disneyland!

It’s true! And talk about a match made in heaven! Yes, the ‘other’ finger lickin’ good treat we love was invented right in Disneyland.

in 1955, one of the original Disneyland restaurants, Casa de Fritos (owned by the predecessor of the Fritos brand) also sold tortillas, Fritos were insanely more popular (remember this is 1955 and the US is still barely getting it’s feet wet with international foods) and at the end of the day, the unconsumed tortillas were simply tossed.

Until one of the chefs decided to come up with a tasty, cheesy seasoning blend, fry the leftover tortillas and serve them as a snack. The Guests went mad for these salty-savory snacks and as they say, the rest is history!

More about the story is here,

http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2013/08/the-man-credited-with-inventing-doritos-had-the-chips-sprinkled-over-his-grave/

Ok here’s my last for today, it’s not a big one but it’s pretty cool!

If you ride the Monorail in Disneyland (the current model in use in 2020 was built by Bombardier in Quebec, way to go Canada!), you can ride in the cockpit!

There’s no special fee, or secret handshake, and this is a perk you can get without being an annual passholder, is when you get to the departure platform, ask the platform Cast Member if you can ride in the cockpit, that’s it!!! It’s a little known secret and with other guests simply wanting to get from A to B and back to A as fast as possible, this is a special Disney moment that gets overlooked.

If no one has made the request before your trip, the Cast Member will walk you right to the front cockpit door (whilst everyone else waits to get on and wonders why YOU are so special), enters a code on the door ans swoosh! It opens to a very spacious and simply cockpit with bench seating along the windows and a pilot at the controls. You simply need to just ask and the pilot will show you the controls and let you blast the horn at the right moment! And then you can sit back and enjoy the ride from a very unique vantage point!

EVERY time I have asked to do this, I have been able to ride up front! The same works for the Mark Twain riverboat. Just as one of the dock Cast Members to ride in the wheelhouse and just the like monorail, you’ll get to enjoy a classic Disney attraction from a viewpoint that not many Guests get to see!

Well, that’s if for today! As we say in The Company, ‘Have a Disney Day!’

-jenn <3

#Disney Disneyland Cast Member Disney Store Walt Mickey Backstage

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phynxrizng · 8 years ago

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DAILY ASTROLOGY REPORTS AND HOROSCOPES FOR 6-20-17

ASTROLOGY TOOLS FREE NATAL CHART REPORT ABOUT CONTACT Astrology Cafe Daily Astrology

DAILY ASTROLOGY TODAY MONTHLY Astrology of Today – Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Jun 19, 2017 by ANNIE 1 COMMENT

The Moon is in Taurus. The Moon is waning and its Last Quarter phase until 6:14 PM, after which the Moon is in its Waning Crescent phase. The Last Quarter Moon occurred on the 17th, and the New Moon will occur on the 23rd. Times are EDT. Horoscopes Aries

The first half of the day, in particular, is excellent for exercising your creative muscles and releasing tension through artistic or physical channels, dear Aries. There is a certain kind of magic in giving out the kind of affection and approval you want others to give you. You’re also in a good position to let go of grudges, discover new products or services that make your life easier (or more beautiful and inspired), connect well with friends, and come up with good ideas for handling your money or valuables. Later today, sensitive topics are likely to emerge, or something you hear or say hits a nerve. It may not be intentional, but the result is the same, and while a part of you just wants to ignore it and move on, another part of you (or a person in your life) won’t let it go. In truth, addressing the issue can work in your favor.

Taurus

The Moon spends the day in your sign, dear Taurus, bringing some pleasant liveliness to your world. Additionally, you have Venus, your ruler, in your sign and forming a happy aspect with Neptune. All eyes are on you, and you’re standing out, gently, as especially appealing and really quite wonderful! Your calmness is particularly emphasized and appreciated now. It’s a good time to build a bridge or bond with someone you care about. You might also decide to talk about an issue that’s been bothering you. On the one hand, there is a high potential to get somewhere and make progress on a problem, but on the other, people can be sensitive, and you might inadvertently open up another Pandora’s box altogether. Uncomfortable topics can emerge, but this also challenges you to put a grudge or an insecurity behind you, whether these belong to you or someone else!

Gemini

The first half of the day is quite excellent for expressing yourself, dear Gemini, particularly on technical levels. Personal matters can also go over correctly as you’re feeling a little freer and detached enough to express yourself well and make progress. Even so, later today, this energy reverses and there is increased sensitivity to address. It may be best to choose your words more carefully, or assert yourself and deal with the consequences! A Venus-Neptune aspect today helps to smooth over tensions and pulls out our more compassionate side. Career matters can be serendipitous, and drawing on past ideas can be successful if you decide to put them into motion. Love may be complicated, but intriguingly so.

Cancer

There is good energy for natural confidence and a free flow of energy between you and friends today, dear Cancer. While there can be some touchiness and sensitivity to deal with, there is also a generous supply of grace, forgiveness, and compassion to tap into, and these tend to win out over our insecurities. Reaching out to others is most important now. You might feel inspired to take a chance on love and friendship with a kind gesture. Spending time with people outside of your usual circle can be a powerful learning experience. There can be good news or inspiration found in unusual places now. The next couple of days are important as both the Sun and Mercury are moving into your sign, and not too long afterward, the New Moon occurs in Cancer. This is a critical time for putting harmful elements behind you as you begin a fresh new cycle.

Leo

The morning is potentially excellent for letting go of the negative and catching on to new and exciting ideas, dear Leo. Relationships, business sense, and professional appeal get a boost. An intuitive understanding of people and trends positively affects your dealings now. You can engage an audience, group, or important person. This is a good time for learning new skills, particularly of a technical or scientific nature. Later today, there may be some disconnects to deal with, but nothing you can’t handle. Get the facts before making a commitment, and be particularly aware of what you say and of your own soft spots — people are sensitive! Today and the next couple of days are critical for processing recent events and absorbing recent experiences and insights into friends, networks, and groups.

Virgo

The first half of the day is good for love matters, which can thrive, or for simply opening your heart and enjoying your blessings, dear Virgo. People who have something to show you on a spiritual or emotional level can figure strongly now. You may have an aura of mystery around you now, and this is particularly intriguing for others. People may surprise you with a good showing or friendly gestures. Research can turn up something interesting or valuable, and business can get a boost as a result. Later today, a Mercury-Chiron square can tug at your doubts and insecurities, particularly about your ability to get your message across successfully or about what you know. This is a time for seeing the ways that you might communicate that work against you, and making adjustments based on these insights makes sense now.

Libra

The first half of the day is strong for letting things work out on their own, dear Libra, and for allowing mysteries to unravel naturally. People are seeing your better side, or, more impressively, seeing your flaws but accepting them as well. You’re not necessarily seeking out understanding, and this is just fine for the time being. You enjoy good intuition for work, health, and research or analysis now. Conversations can be inspiring and even breakthrough in small ways. News arrives that stirs your inner spirit. Later today, we can be sensitive or easily triggered, and it may be necessary to be clearer than usual about your boundaries. Feed restlessness with knowledge or a different routine.

Scorpio

The morning is particularly useful for letting go of negative thoughts and focusing on opportunities, growth, and progress, dear Scorpio. Loving feelings and stirrings are in focus now. It can also be a warmly creative and fertile time. Creating, writing, imaginative art, theater, and entertainment can thrive right now. Approaching people wth gentleness is favored most today – pushing may come across as rude, unappealing, or unnecessary. There is something quite upbeat about the morning as well — you need a little break from the routine. Still, health and work can show signs of improvement. Later today, there can be some doubts to deal with, similar to yesterday but this time more about ideas and the ability to communicate your feelings effectively. Physical outlets for stress may be useful.

Sagittarius

The morning is strong for letting go of tension, errors, and problems, dear Sagittarius, and enjoying the positives. Interacting with others is more spontaneous and natural than it has been, and this suits you very well! Charm can be employed as you move slowly but surely towards your goals. You can have a strong desire to bring more harmony or beauty to your routine or your workplace today. Helping others or being of service can be enjoyable on many levels now. As well, your ideas are drawing people in, or someone with particularly interesting ideas is coming into your life. Changes of plans may turn out quite fun, inviting spontaneity. Later today, there can be crankiness and sensitivity to deal with. Talks can quickly become emotional.

Capricorn

The morning is quite excellent for easing into the day with confidence and calm, dear Capricorn. If only you could begin every day this way! There can be a psychic rapport with others or a very strong sense of trends influencing your dealings with others and projects in enhancing, positive ways. You fare well in your communications, but particularly those that are face to face. You can successfully apply imagination to relationships or ventures. Work or health-related ideas and methods can be progressive and useful. Alternatives can sometimes trip you up, making life feel a little too chaotic, but today they feel right, and you have a sense that opportunities are opening up to you. Later today, conversations or interactions can challenge you to face certain insecurities, particularly related to communication or knowledge.

Aquarius

A Venus-Neptune aspect this morning pulls on your heartstrings in the right way, dear Aquarius, as you need some extra beauty, wonder, and magic in your life now. Compassionate feelings are stirred now. You’re also in good shape for catching on to new thought waves or trends, making your communications particularly timely and appreciated. Family relationships might improve, and indeed extending a hand to someone can fill you up with warmth. You enjoy the people in your life a little more than usual now. Sharing ideas can strengthen a relationship today. Even so, later today can be somewhat awkward. Something you say can be taken the wrong way or news you hear pulls up conversations that you may not have expected to have. For some, there could be an uncomfortable interaction about money or boundaries.

Pisces

The first half of the day is particularly uplifting, dear Pisces. Likable and friendly Venus forms a harmonious aspect with your ruler, Neptune, stirring up a bit of magic in your social life. Being around others with no strings attached can be like a tonic now – you’re in a fabulous position to bond with others and for people to appreciate the qualities that come most naturally to you. Sometimes just being around people and letting them do their thing communicates the best message you can give. Allow your sentimental and gentle nature to emerge — own it and express it proudly! This is also a good time for finding fresh solutions or alternative methods to do business or to make family or home life run more smoothly. Later today, there is a tendency for people to confront one another about touchy topics. While it can be a little messy, it can be good to address problem areas.

*Remember to read horoscopes for your Ascendant sign and Sun sign. If you don’t know your Ascendant sign and know your birth time, you can look it up here.

If Your Birthday is June 20th, If Today is Your Birthday full horoscope here.

Astrology of Today – The Details: If you’re astrologically inclined and interested in the details of the Astrology of today, here are some of the factors considered in the forecasts (for the astrology of the week, see This Week in Astrology):

Date & Time: Jun 20 2017 0:00 am Event: Moon in Taurus Description: The Moon in Taurus This is a time for settling in, establishing and maintaining routines, and consolidating existing projects. We are building and developing. We crave predictability, stability, and security. This time favors ongoing projects and activities more than new ones.

Date & Time: Jun 20 2017 4:45 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon SSq Cer Description: Transiting Moon SemiSquare Transiting Ceres

Date & Time: Jun 20 2017 9:01 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Sqq Sat Description: Transiting Moon SesquiSquare Transiting Saturn We could feel burdened, restricted, or limited during this brief influence. We could be feeling a little down on ourselves, excluded, or lonely. There can be some awkwardness or stiffness and difficulty showing affection and feelings. Patience is a virtue right now; otherwise we might succumb to feelings of frustration and sadness. All good things come to those who wait.

Date & Time: Jun 20 2017 10:24 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Pll Ura Description: Transiting Moon Parallel Transiting Uranus

Date & Time: Jun 20 2017 11:20 am Event: Tr-Tr Mon Sxt Mar Description: Transiting Moon Sextile Transiting Mars We are more courageous and able to take the lead. We are in tune with our natural desires and instincts. We express our feelings honestly. We are independent, resourceful, and brave.

Date & Time: Jun 20 2017 4:00 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mon Qnx Jup Description: Transiting Moon Quincunx Transiting Jupiter Watch for moody decisions and excesses now.

Date & Time: Jun 20 2017 4:09 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mon Tri Jun Description: Transiting Moon Trine Transiting Juno We can gain strength through others or through our relationships, and we are especially comfortable in one-on-one situations.

Date & Time: Jun 20 2017 4:37 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mon SSq Mer Description: Transiting Moon SemiSquare Transiting Mercury What feels right clashes with logic today. What people are saying may be a misrepresentation of their true feelings/emotions. It’s better to think before we speak, or misunderstandings can follow.

Date & Time: Jun 20 2017 4:41 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mon SSq Chi Description: Transiting Moon SemiSquare Transiting Chiron Hurt feelings may be opportunities for healing. Now is the time for building bridges, not burning them.

Date & Time: Jun 20 2017 5:24 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mon Sxt Nep Description: Transiting Moon Sextile Transiting Neptune This is a feel-good time if we allow ourselves to relax and tune into the subtle aspects of life – art, nature, beauty, dreams, and spiritual realms. We absorb things easily, our senses are in good form, and we more naturally accept things and people as they are. There is no need to look for definite answers right now.

Date & Time: Jun 20 2017 6:12 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mon SSq Sun Description: Transiting Moon SemiSquare Transiting Sun What we feel and what we think we should do can be at odds with one another temporarily. There can be discontent or indecisiveness. We could be feeling out of sorts. Tensions will pass.

Date & Time: Jun 20 2017 6:24 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mon Cnj Ven Description: Transiting Moon Conjunction Transiting Venus We are less inhibited and more willing to indulge ourselves. Love and romance can be favorable. Decorating, beauty treatments, the arts, creative pursuits, parties, dates, and recreation are generally favored now. There is increased sensitivity, affection, and warmth. Love is grand! Affection, love, and romance are in the air.

Date & Time: Jun 20 2017 11:52 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mon Sqr Ves Description: Transiting Moon Square Transiting Vesta We can be a little stiff with our emotions, and we can be distracted from our work or focus. There can be difficulty expressing tenderness, concern, or care.

Date & Time: Jun 20 2017 5:30 am Event: Tr-Tr Mer Sxt Ura Description: Transiting Mercury Sextile Transiting Uranus Intensity of mind. Experimental attitude. Expression of radical or unusual viewpoints. Technical interest. Inventiveness.

Date & Time: Jun 20 2017 8:00 am Event: Tr-Tr Mer Sxt Pal Description: Transiting Mercury Sextile Transiting Pallas We are expressing ourselves more clearly and are more able to instruct others. There is a pronounced ability to order our thoughts and ideas and to recognize patterns. We can enjoy making plans, lists, and connections now.

Date & Time: Jun 20 2017 5:01 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mer Sqr Chi Description: Transiting Mercury Square Transiting Chiron Memories and dreams are strong right now. It is time to forgive and forget. There can be less confidence in our decisions, temporarily. Words, or lack of, can hurt right now. There is greater sensitivity to what is being said, choice of words, and syntax.

Date & Time: Jun 20 2017 4:25 am Event: Tr-Tr Ven Sxt Nep Description: Transiting Venus Sextile Transiting Neptune We are more sensitive to one another’s feelings and needs, and more aware of our higher or non-material needs at this time.

Date & Time: Jun 20 2017 10:04 pm Event: Tr-Tr Mar SSq Nod Description: Transiting Mars SemiSquare Transiting North Node Slow down for a moment and reassess your life goals. Are you on the right path or do you need to change direction?

Strong Signs, Elements, Modes TAURUS STRONG Stable and enduring, strong values, unyielding, earthy, acquisitive, strong desires. Can be stuck, stubborn, overly possessive, self-indulgent. GEMINI STRONG Agile, versatile, inquisitive, flowing, conversational, airy, many ideas. Can be volatile, superficial, changeable, restless and inconsistent.

BALANCE OF ELEMENTS

FIRE WEAK We are not very goal-oriented right now, or motivation to pursue our goals may be waning/lacking. Changes feel overwhelming. Enthusiasm may be low, we argue less, and we think more than we take action.

BALANCE OF MODES

The modes are balanced.

LUNAR PHASE: THIRD QUARTER Moon from 90 to 45 degrees behind the Sun. We have strong beliefs and are likely to put them into action. We have the wisdom to know when to act, but sometimes can be inflexible.

The following aspects (major only) and positions are at noon (EDT) on June 20th: Note that when an aspect is applying, it has not yet happened but is within orb – it’s pending. When an aspect is separating, it has already happened/perfected and is moving away from the aspect. Depending on the speed of the planet/body involved, the aspect will have perfected–or will perfect–in a matter of hours (often the case with the Moon), days, months, and possibly years in the case of the very slow-moving outer planets and bodies.

Note that the Moon moves at a rate of approximately one degree every 2 hours, so that if an aspect involving the Moon is applying and has an orb of 5 degrees, the aspect will perfect (be exact) in about 10 hours. If the Moon is separating from an aspect with an orb of 2 degrees, it has already formed said aspect approximately 4 hours ago (since the following are positions at noon today, then it would have occurred at about 8 AM today).

**I suggest paying close attention to applying aspects. The energy of the aspect builds as it gets closer to exact. Once an aspect involving inner planets has happened, it’s over. Separating aspects are good to know for context, but in terms of energy that is with us today, applying aspects are most important. (This is the case for daily astrology influences involving inner planets, which pass quickly, and not natal astrology aspects, which are with us for a lifetime).

THE MOON

THE MOON IN TAURUS This is a time for settling in, establishing and maintaining routines, and consolidating existing projects. We are building and developing. We crave predictability, stability, and security. This time favors ongoing projects and activities more than new ones.

11TH DEGREE OF TAURUS Part of Body: Cervical and brachial plexi Sabian Symbol: A woman sprinkling flowers.

ASPECTS OF THE MOON CONJUNCTION VENUS Orb 3°38′ Applying We are less inhibited and more willing to indulge ourselves. Decorating, beauty treatments, the arts, creative pursuits, parties, dates, and recreation are generally favored now. There is increased sensitivity, affection, and warmth.

SEXTILE MARS Orb 0°22′ Separating We are more courageous and able to take the lead. We are in tune with our natural desires and instincts. We express our feelings honestly, and are more independent, resourceful, or brave.

QUINCUNX JUPITER Orb 2°27′ Applying Watch for moody decisions and excesses now.

SEXTILE NEPTUNE Orb 3°18′ Applying This is a feel-good time if we allow ourselves to relax and tune into the subtle aspects of life – art, nature, beauty, dreams, and spiritual realms. We absorb things easily, our senses are in good form, and we more naturally accept things and people as they are. There is no need to look for definite answers right now.

TRINE PLUTO Orb 7°38′ Applying We can be quite focused now, driven by our goals and ambitions and motivated to put problems behind us. We might happily pour ourselves into a current passion or interest, and could find it easy to get to the bottom of things.

THE SUN

THE SUN IN GEMINI You are curious, communicative, versatile and talkative. You may be unreliable and evasive.

30TH DEGREE OF GEMINI Part of Body: Fifth rib Sabian Symbol: Bathing beauties before large beach crowds.

ASPECTS OF THE SUN CONJUNCTION MERCURY Orb 1°08′ Applying Thoughts and communications about ourselves and our goals. We are expressing ourselves confidently, directly, and clearly.

OPPOSITION SATURN Orb 5°23′ Separating You feel that forces are against you in life. You are always stopped from doing what you want. As a child, a father figure, may have been strict and imposing. As an adult you continue to feel this restrictions. You may also fear pushing beyond the restrictions. Your challenge is to create your own rules and beliefs on which to build your life.

SEXTILE URANUS Orb 1°44′ Separating You will have the opportunity to express your individuality and unique talents.

SQUARE CHIRON Orb 0°41′ Separating We can feel especially vulnerable to criticism or fear rejection now, or could struggle with a situation where we may need to humble ourselves. People or circumstances may seem to be exposing or playing on our vulnerabilities.

MERCURY

MERCURY IN GEMINI We are curious, communicative, sociable, and possibly easily distracted. We are mentally versatile and adaptable.

29TH DEGREE OF GEMINI Part of Body: Fourth rib Sabian Symbol: The first mockingbird of spring sings from the tree top.

ASPECTS OF MERCURY OPPOSITION SATURN Orb 4°14′ Separating You have difficulty expressing yourself. As a child you believe your father was critical and judged you lacking in intelligence. As an adult you have trouble believing in your ability to communicate and stand up for your own beliefs.

SEXTILE URANUS Orb 0°35′ Separating We are mentally alert and aware, and might be experimenting or opening our minds to new ideas. We could be feeling inspired, and our thinking is inventive. Varying our usual routine may be rewarding.

SQUARE CHIRON Orb 0°27′ Applying There can be insecurity about our own ideas or decisions, or we may not know who/what to believe. Words, or lack of, can hurt right now. There is greater sensitivity to what is being said, choice of words, and syntax.

VENUS

VENUS IN TAURUS For you romance and reliability go hand in hand. You approach relationships slowly and steadily, looking for someone who will prove solid and secure. You enjoy sensuality, and are reliable with finances.

15TH DEGREE OF TAURUS Part of Body: Epiglottis Sabian Symbol: A man with rakish silk hat, muffled, braves the storm.

ASPECTS OF VENUS QUINCUNX JUPITER Orb 1°11′ Separating You like to have the approval of other people. You need to make adjustments in your life so that you can be generous and warm-hearted regardless of others’ opinions.

SEXTILE NEPTUNE Orb 0°19′ Separating You and a romantic and gentle partner. You like to share creative pursuits in your relationships.

TRINE PLUTO Orb 4°00′ Applying We’re a better judge of value right now — who and what are important to us. We might see one another, and our relationships, in a different light. We could reconnect with someone or improve an existing bond. We could be up for a challenge now. Increased insight in relationships, with money, and in business.

MARS

MARS IN CANCER We are less likely to move straightforwardly towards our desires now. Our emotional moods especially affect the pursuit of our goals. We are a little more cautious and conservative under this influence, but we will fight for, about, or on behalf of those people and things that are dearest to our heart.

11TH DEGREE OF CANCER Part of Body: Gastric veins Sabian Symbol: A clown making grimaces.

ASPECTS OF MARS SQUARE JUPITER Orb 2°49′ Applying Our fighting, defending spirits are strong. We might be on a crusade. We could be too quick to take offense or to make judgments. Avoid unnecessary conflict and overreaching. Direct excess energy into positive enterprises for positive results rather than adding more to your agenda.

TRINE NEPTUNE Orb 3°41′ Applying Inspiration might be found now, and our intuition is strong. There can be letting go of anger, or a softening of the disposition. Creative arts, particularly physical ones, are favored.

JUPITER

JUPITER IN LIBRA You have a strong concern for justice. You are a diplomatic teacher, and express your spiritual values in your relationships.

14TH DEGREE OF LIBRA Part of Body: Left inguinal lymph nodes Sabian Symbol: A noon siesta.

ASPECTS OF JUPITER QUINCUNX NEPTUNE Orb 0°51′ Applying You feel a call to serve others perhaps through a profession or through religion. You will need to learn what is reasonable to do for others, and what is over stepping the boundary of your responsibility.

SQUARE PLUTO Orb 5°11′ Applying You will need to learn to have confidence in yourself even when life deals you a few blows. You range from over confident to completely lacking in confidence. The truth lies somewhere in between.

SATURN

SATURN IN SAGITTARIUS Saturn in Sagittarius asks us to take on the responsibility of living according to our personal truths and principles — and to be loyal to these. This is a time for turning a critical eye to those beliefs and principles that don’t accurately reflect our authentic selves. (December 23, 2014, to June 14, 2015, then September 17, 2015, to December 20, 2017)

25TH DEGREE OF SAGITTARIUS Part of Body: Condyles of right femur Sabian Symbol: A chubby boy on a hobbyhorse.

ASPECTS OF SATURN TRINE URANUS Orb 3°39′ Separating You have a talent for investigation. You look at new ideas and are able then to put them into action. In business you achieve much in your own independent way.

SQUARE CHIRON Orb 4°41′ Separating There can be fears now of not being competent or effective enough to meet our responsibilities, or we could find it hard to strike out on a unique path, again due to fears or insecurities. The desire to break from the status quo is strong, but we may not have the necessary confidence to do so. We may have difficulties empathizing with others and understanding ourselves.

URANUS

URANUS IN ARIES The urge to start fresh, to break free from restrictive attitudes or circumstances, to totally redesign an area of our lives (or even our personalities), and to gain freedom through independence is strong during this cycle. (May 27, 2010, to August 13, 2010, then March 11th, 2011, to May 15, 2018, then November 6, 2018, to March 6, 2019).

28TH DEGREE OF ARIES Part of Body: Fornix/parietal and occipital bones Sabian Symbol: A large disappointed audience.

NEPTUNE

NEPTUNE IN PISCES A long-term influence in which fantasy, imagination, compassion, and spirituality are in stronger focus. (April 4, 2011, to August 4, 2011, then February 3, 2012, to March 30, 2025, then October 22, 2025, to January 26, 2026)

15TH DEGREE OF PISCES Part of Body: Left cutaneous veins Sabian Symbol: An officer preparing to drill his men.

PLUTO

PLUTO IN CAPRICORN Tests of our boundaries; breaking down and rebuilding structures and rules. (From January 25, 2008, to June 14, 2008, then November 26, 2008, to March 23, 2023, then June 11, 2023, to January 20, 2024, then September 1, 2024, to November 19, 2024).

19TH DEGREE OF CAPRICORN Part of Body: Ligaments of left knee Sabian Symbol: A child of about five with a huge shopping bag.

Chiron, Major Asteroids, and Moon’s Nodes: in Sign and in Aspect CHIRON

CHIRON IN PISCES

Strong awareness of our own vulnerabilities and humanity stimulates compassion for others. (April 20 to July 20, 2010, then February 8, 2011, to April 17, 2018, then September 25, 2018, to February 18, 2019).

29TH DEGREE OF PISCES Part of Body: Toenails of right foot Sabian Symbol: A prism.

VESTA

VESTA IN LEO You work most creatively when left to your own devices. You feel pride in your work and can be inspired by romance and fun. Play and work are closely linked for you.

19TH DEGREE OF LEO Part of Body: Ventricular septum Sabian Symbol: A houseboat party.

PALLAS

PALLAS IN ARIES You have a keen intellect with the ability to come up with exciting, new ideas. You are also happy to risk putting your new ideas into action.

29TH DEGREE OF ARIES Part of Body: Auditory canal Sabian Symbol: A celestial choir singing.

JUNO

JUNO IN CAPRICORN You want a partner who you can respect, and who respects you. You seek long-term commitment and may marry later in life.

14TH DEGREE OF CAPRICORN Part of Body: Right knee cartilage Sabian Symbol: An ancient bas-relief carved in granite.

CERES

CERES IN GEMINI You like those close to you to share their feelings and thoughts and to listen to you. You share information with your loved ones to show them you care. You will suffer when others refuse to talk.

22ND DEGREE OF GEMINI Part of Body: Upper arm Sabian Symbol: Dancing couples crowd the barn in a harvest festival.

THE NORTH NODE

THE NORTH NODE IN LEO This a quest to develop your inner strength. You may find that you experience times of loneliness. These times are part of your lesson to forge your own creative life in order to give generously to the world.

26TH DEGREE OF LEO Part of Body: Myocardium Sabian Symbol: As light breaks through the clouds, a perfect rainbow forms.

THE SOUTH NODE

THE SOUTH NODE IN AQUARIUS This a quest to develop your inner strength. You may find that you experience times of loneliness. These times are part of your lesson to forge your own creative life in order to give generously to the world.

26TH DEGREE OF AQUARIUS Part of Body: Right fibula Sabian Symbol: A hydrometer.

*** CONJUNCTIONS TO SELECT FIXED STARS ***

Transits Jun 20, 2017 – Event Chart

Aspects to Sun 29°Ge30 +23°26′ Cnj 28°Ge59 BETELGEUSE *** Success which is not blocked. Cnj 28°Ge47 POLARIS To show the way.

Aspects to Mercury 28°Ge21 +24°23′ Cnj 28°Ge59 BETELGEUSE *** Success which is not blocked. Cnj 28°Ge47 POLARIS To show the way.

Aspects to Venus 14°Ta35 +13°37′ Cnj 14°Ta33 MENKAR — A victim of the Unconscious

Aspects to Chiron 28°Pi48 +03°05′ Cnj 29°Pi36 SCHEAT To be a thinker or intellect

Aspects to Ceres 21°Ge40 +22°55′ Cnj 22°Ge05 CAPELLA Love of movement Cnj 22°Ge24 PHACT To quest adventure. Cnj 21°Ge10 BELLATRIX ** Success through the Shadow.

Share this:EMAILFACEBOOK1TWITTERTUMBLRGOOGLEREDDIT Filed Under: DAILY ASTROLOGY, TODAY Tagged With: JUNE 20, MERCURY SEXTILE PALLAS, MERCURY SEXTILE URANUS, MERCURY SQUARE CHIRON, VENUS SEXTILE NEPTUNE Comments Grace says Jun 19, 2017 at 2:23 pm Hi, I read your horoscopes every day and they are the best ones I have found so far. One little question, I live in Europe, so converting between time zones is a bit tricky for each aspect. Will it be difficult to add some calculator, so that timing is adjusted automatically? Thanks very much and keep up the amazing work! You truly are talented in explaining the effects of the celestial bodies on our lives. Reply Leave a Reply Search the site ... Search CAFE ASTROLOGY

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fanesavin · 8 years ago

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What poem does your character relate to the most and why?

If I had to pick one that Fane relates to there are several but the one that immediately springs to mind is Ode: Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood by William Wordsworth

Okay, so now for the fun part; I’ve not done English literature for like 4 years since I was forced to study it for GCSE but hopefully what I write next will make some semblance of sense.

The poem itself is written in eleven stanzas with rhyming schemes that tend to vary; there are iambic lines with anywhere between 2-5 syllables tending to be stressed, they occasionally fall into couplets and sometimes even happen in a single line.

The reason why I’d pick this one in particular, if not only for the irony of the title is the themes which are contained in the poem itself. The main concept behind the poem is that life is simply a faded shadow of a prior, purer existence recalled in childhood and then forgotten in the process of growing up a concept demonstrated in the fifth stanza where Wordsworth goes on to mention how “our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting… // Heaven lies about us in our infancy! // Shades of the prison-house begin to close // Upon the growing Boy,”

It’s an interesting poem to read as a whole if only for the sake of the metaphysical thread running throughout; the use of language by Wordsworth (a poet who typically is known to write in sync and unity with nature) within the poem displays how the speaker’s grief-stricken mind is at odds with the joyous atmosphere of the May morning that surrounds him (his grief coming from the fact that he once would have been able to freely enjoy this in his childhood). Despite the speaker’s best effort to enter into a state of cheerfulness he comes to realise that he only finds true happiness when he connects the fact that “the philosophic mind” has gifted him with the ability to comprehend and connect to nature through deeper, more human terms; i.e. how nature can be looked upon as a metaphor and guidance for human life.

I also think the way in which the poem tends to never stick to just one theme or concept but avidly jumps from idea to idea yet always remaining close to the core setting is another reason that Fane likes this particular poem. His mind like the poem isn’t one to run along a single track, he bounces from thing to thing haphazardly– a restless mind he’d feel connected to the speaker of the poem because of this shared continuum of jumping thought.

If there’s one thing to say about Wordsworth it’s that the strategies he employs in his writing are ridiculously complex, intricate and sophisticated shifting between philosophical principles and childhood and gradually employing increasingly subtle personified descriptions of nature; drawing human characteristics from naturally occurring items or even imposing humanity on the natural world and objects in it. For example “I love the Brooks which down their channels fret,” is referenced just as earlier a child is “Fretted by sallies of his mother’s kisses,” before the brooks in their channels “trip lightly” just as a child would also move. This only continues to be referenced in how a new day is born in “innocent brightness” as a child is also born.

Ultimately, what I like so much about this poem is how it so creatively demonstrates the presence of humanity that can be depicted and drawn from nature and vice-versa. It’s just an incredibly powerful and moving piece of poetry. So, I guess what this long-winded explanation would evoke in Fane is the recollection of how on days where he is grief-stricken for something purer that he perhaps once had he can look at nature and draw from it personified traits of humanity. He loves people, he forms incredibly incredibly deep bonds and connections with associated feelings very easily so to draw these little aspects from nature; things that with some thought and consideration allow him to appreciate the world in which he is living and resultingly feel a little happier as a result of this consideration towards the natural beauty around him. Honestly Fane and nature is a big thing; it even went into why he chose the name Savin in reference towards the Savin (Juniper) tree under which travellers in the desert would opt to sleep and rest under to be sheltered from the wind.

I’ve put the poem below the cut because to be honest it is VERY long, like ridiculously long but if you want to read it go ahead!

There was a time when meadow, grove, and stream, The earth, and every common sight, To me did seem Apparelled in celestial light, The glory and the freshness of a dream. It is not now as it hath been of yore;— Turn wheresoe'er I may, By night or day. The things which I have seen I now can see no more. The Rainbow comes and goes, And lovely is the Rose, The Moon doth with delight Look round her when the heavens are bare, Waters on a starry night Are beautiful and fair; The sunshine is a glorious birth; But yet I know, where'er I go, That there hath past away a glory from the earth. Now, while the birds thus sing a joyous song, And while the young lambs bound As to the tabor’s sound, To me alone there came a thought of grief: A timely utterance gave that thought relief, And I again am strong: The cataracts blow their trumpets from the steep; No more shall grief of mine the season wrong; I hear the Echoes through the mountains throng, The Winds come to me from the fields of sleep, And all the earth is gay; Land and sea Give themselves up to jollity, And with the heart of May Doth every Beast keep holiday;— Thou Child of Joy, Shout round me, let me hear thy shouts, thou happy Shepherd-boy. Ye blessèd creatures, I have heard the call Ye to each other make; I see The heavens laugh with you in your jubilee; My heart is at your festival, My head hath its coronal, The fulness of your bliss, I feel—I feel it all. Oh evil day! if I were sullen While Earth herself is adorning, This sweet May-morning, And the Children are culling On every side, In a thousand valleys far and wide, Fresh flowers; while the sun shines warm, And the Babe leaps up on his Mother’s arm:— I hear, I hear, with joy I hear! —But there’s a Tree, of many, one, A single field which I have looked upon, Both of them speak of something that is gone; The Pansy at my feet Doth the same tale repeat: Whither is fled the visionary gleam? Where is it now, the glory and the dream? Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting: The Soul that rises with us, our life’s Star, Hath had elsewhere its setting, And cometh from afar: Not in entire forgetfulness, And not in utter nakedness, But trailing clouds of glory do we come From God, who is our home: Heaven lies about us in our infancy! Shades of the prison-house begin to close Upon the growing Boy, But he beholds the light, and whence it flows, He sees it in his joy; The Youth, who daily farther from the east Must travel, still is Nature’s Priest, And by the vision splendid Is on his way attended; At length the Man perceives it die away, And fade into the light of common day. Earth fills her lap with pleasures of her own; Yearnings she hath in her own natural kind, And, even with something of a Mother’s mind, And no unworthy aim, The homely Nurse doth all she can To make her Foster-child, her Inmate Man, Forget the glories he hath known, And that imperial palace whence he came. Behold the Child among his new-born blisses, A six years’ Darling of a pigmy size! See, where ‘mid work of his own hand he lies, Fretted by sallies of his mother’s kisses, With light upon him from his father’s eyes! See, at his feet, some little plan or chart, Some fragment from his dream of human life, Shaped by himself with newly-learn{e}d art A wedding or a festival, A mourning or a funeral; And this hath now his heart, And unto this he frames his song: Then will he fit his tongue To dialogues of business, love, or strife; But it will not be long Ere this be thrown aside, And with new joy and pride The little Actor cons another part; Filling from time to time his “humorous stage” With all the Persons, down to palsied Age, That Life brings with her in her equipage; As if his whole vocation Were endless imitation. Thou, whose exterior semblance doth belie Thy Soul’s immensity; Thou best Philosopher, who yet dost keep Thy heritage, thou Eye among the blind, That, deaf and silent, read'st the eternal deep, Haunted for ever by the eternal mind,— Mighty Prophet! Seer blest! On whom those truths do rest, Which we are toiling all our lives to find, In darkness lost, the darkness of the grave; Thou, over whom thy Immortality Broods like the Day, a Master o'er a Slave, A Presence which is not to be put by; Thou little Child, yet glorious in the might Of heaven-born freedom on thy being’s height, Why with such earnest pains dost thou provoke The years to bring the inevitable yoke, Thus blindly with thy blessedness at strife? Full soon thy Soul shall have her earthly freight, And custom lie upon thee with a weight, Heavy as frost, and deep almost as life! O joy! that in our embers Is something that doth live, That Nature yet remembers What was so fugitive! The thought of our past years in me doth breed Perpetual benediction: not indeed For that which is most worthy to be blest; Delight and liberty, the simple creed Of Childhood, whether busy or at rest, With new-fledged hope still fluttering in his breast:— Not for these I raise The song of thanks and praise But for those obstinate questionings Of sense and outward things, Fallings from us, vanishings; Blank misgivings of a Creature Moving about in worlds not realised, High instincts before which our mortal Nature Did tremble like a guilty thing surprised: But for those first affections, Those shadowy recollections, Which, be they what they may Are yet the fountain-light of all our day, Are yet a master-light of all our seeing; Uphold us, cherish, and have power to make Our noisy years seem moments in the being Of the eternal Silence: truths that wake, To perish never; Which neither listlessness, nor mad endeavour, Nor Man nor Boy, Nor all that is at enmity with joy, Can utterly abolish or destroy! Hence in a season of calm weather Though inland far we be, Our Souls have sight of that immortal sea Which brought us hither, Can in a moment travel thither, And see the Children sport upon the shore, And hear the mighty waters rolling evermore. Then sing, ye Birds, sing, sing a joyous song! And let the young Lambs bound As to the tabor’s sound! We in thought will join your throng, Ye that pipe and ye that play, Ye that through your hearts to-day Feel the gladness of the May! What though the radiance which was once so bright Be now for ever taken from my sight, Though nothing can bring back the hour Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower; We will grieve not, rather find Strength in what remains behind; In the primal sympathy Which having been must ever be; In the soothing thoughts that spring Out of human suffering; In the faith that looks through death, In years that bring the philosophic mind. And O, ye Fountains, Meadows, Hills, and Groves, Forebode not any severing of our loves! Yet in my heart of hearts I feel your might; I only have relinquished one delight To live beneath your more habitual sway. I love the Brooks which down their channels fret, Even more than when I tripped lightly as they; The innocent brightness of a new-born Day Is lovely yet; The Clouds that gather round the setting sun Do take a sober colouring from an eye That hath kept watch o'er man’s mortality; Another race hath been, and other palms are won. Thanks to the human heart by which we live, Thanks to its tenderness, its joys, and fears, To me the meanest flower that blows can give Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears.

#answered #savin speaks #this got very long #very analytical and I hope people like it xD #because I spent a while trying to write up something that made sense ahahahaha #Anonymous #.hc.

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eriisaam · 4 years ago

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I think I’m still trying to process last year, let alone this one...

I started last year, brimming with ideas and motivation. It was fragile, and it was born and fostered after long stagnancies where I just couldn’t function, and years worth of abuse and being constantly, consistently made to feel my lowest and worst.

I ended that year, consistently feeling insecure, isolated, and feeling uncomfortable to outright ashamed for everything I created, and every aspect that went into why I created them. I left that year, in the lowest and worst way possible, and my ability to create at all grew more strained, more tired, and in the end, manifested into things I would just feel disgusted and ashamed of making to the point I can’t count how many times I wanted to just delete everything and disappear.

I’ve met friends. I’ve lost people I no longer feel comfortable with in any capacity, who send me into outright panic attacks I have to bottle up any time I cross paths again for the sake of keeping peace. I’ve met people I wanted to consider friends, but for one reason or another, I’m not even sure where we stand and am too afraid to approach otherwise, fearing I was wrong and would just upset them more to bother them. I ended the year losing a friend in an even worse way, suddenly and without warning, in a way I still wished I could’ve done so much more before their life was cut so short, in a time I felt like I had so many bad things snowballing one after another, that I still can barely process it, despite the expectation I catch up and move on. Because I’m keenly aware that my grief is a massive inconvenience, and I have too much I’m supposed to do than just sit around and cry and get upset over whatever stupid nonsense again. (And I’m definitely aware of how many times it’s treated like “stupid nonsense” inconvenience. Constantly.)

This year, I felt like I started off worse than last year. There were higher moments, better moments, but my confidence and comfort to make the things that used to bring me joy became even more fragile. I reached points I was so afraid and made to feel so disgusted with my work that I slipped into lashing out at myself more in a time my health was already fragile enough. And in moments I slipped, I’m just reminded of last year all over again and break, time and again. I barely function even on the daily, let alone creatively.

I realize I did what I could to tag things, to warn things, to space out what is appropriate where and to what capacity, and in here especially, I am highly mindful of tags, for all of you to tailor things to your own comforts likewise. Even still, despite that, I crawled out of that year, made to feel like the world would’ve been far and well better if I delete everything, apologize for being so horrid and terrible, and it felt more and more like even if I so much as breathed wrong, it’s something to feel shame and disgust and scorn all over again. The wrong ships, crossovers, no crossovers, stupid source material rendering everything I do at the core to be pointless and dumb, something boring meant for comfort, something too heavy-handed and dark and depressing, it’s unconventional so therefore it sucks, all manner of disgusting and cruel and vile things I didn’t even think about, but was inferred, simply for the way my characters were designed or what they assume of them and held true despite what I say.... the goalposts felt like it constantly changed, sometimes to things more to make fun about me than what I create, as was the latest reason everything I do was so bad, and I’m only just starting to accept that I was in environments where literally everything I do is wrong no matter of what I do. I felt like I gradually stopped letting it affect me only in points I was just too tired and burnt out that I disassociated half the time.

Little things, big things, it accumulated and built up and to a point I still feel like there’s parts of it all that still haunt me, even if they’re old memories I should’ve long since gotten over with now.

With everything that went on, and with the past months being bumpy, mentally, physically, emotionally... I felt embarrassed how long it took me to slow down and look back.

Maybe I’m still insecure of my art or it’s quality, especially in my worse flareups, but I only just realized last night about the frequency. When I finish them, I don’t feel the same immediate hatred and shame anymore, like I can ease and trust into actually enjoying the end result again. And I’ve eased more in being consistent to at least make cleaner lineart as the bare minimum over sketches that took hours and massively difficult flareups to ride out to even do on a concept level. I still feel stressed for not doing what I hoped for, or all I hoped for, but I’m only just now realizing maybe I wasn’t as uselessly slow and lazy and ugly as I’ve constantly felt before.

I’m still afraid of my words. I’m constantly reminded just how bad my grasp is in a language I’ve already struggled with on the constant in a normal circumstance. There’s always this lingering fear I’d just disappoint people for what I had in mind, especially in the past when I’ve had those feelings all but confirmed constantly, and in varying states of upfront and blunt. I’m still scared of writing anything, to a point I don’t even want to do requests in those regards, thinking I’ll just give people a mess of words too tedious and long and boring to slog through, let alone do that as a paid service. Even all this is just a mess of words and tears, but I’m exhausted, and I’m stress, and I don’t have the spoons to try to shred up my thoughts just on the vague hope it’s bite-sized enough for my feelings not to be ignored and dismissed over and over again like I’m just some fussy toddler throwing a tantrum to be ignored until I shut up and the “gift machine” learns to fucking operate again. But at the same time, I’ve also been re-reading old things, especially my longfics, and I’m reminded all over again what I had in mind and looked forward to get to before the disappointment and disgust ruined it before. It’s still long, and still shaky, but I’ve been still writing again, even in tinier bits at a time.

It’s progress. It’s slow, clunky, and I feel like a little kid clumsily trying to learn how to walk again. But I think I’m starting to at least recognize now it’s still progress and still steps on moving forward, even if the road I used to be so confident to walk along is scarier and stressful to me now.

But at least I’m walking. I’m still walking, even if I trip a few times along the way doing it.

#Negative #But a small positive in the end too i think

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cyincalangels · 4 years ago

Text

a final goodbye

as a warning, this is going to be all my thoughts and emotions in one long post. a post i never even thought i would have to make. when i first made this page, i wanted to show this to you at a bigger milestone in a relationship, i wasnt sure what that was going to be or when that was going to happen to be honest. but here we are, at our final milestone. parts of me also never really wanted to show or mention this page to you. but in all honesty, this makes it easier for me to recognize and acknowledge what im feeling and being able to come back and see how my feelings and thoughts have grown or may have changed. i read through all the posts ive written to double check if these are even worth showing you. and i still think they are. i still feel the same way in each post ive written. and i think ill always feel the same way, even after you’re no longer a huge role in my life. i was hurting after i read through all the posts because 1. ive never written things about other people like that. i never even write my feelings out like that 2. i always felt at peace almost after writing each post. each post made me more grateful for you. and dont get me wrong, its not like i only wrote these posts when i was happy, i only wrote when i remembered or made time. there should have been waaaay more posts than there really are. so ill try to make it fit in this one. and 3. im scared ill never really be able to feel like this about a person again. or at least want to be vulnerable anytime soon. again, i never really felt this way about someone. so it definitely hurts having to sit here and write this. i hurt because i know this is my fault. i dont need you to accept or validate anything in this post or what ive done and i dont need you to say it wasnt my fault. ive come to terms that a lot of this was caused by my baggage i failed to heal on my own, which eventually ended in me basically neglecting you and taking you for granted. ive honestly had to stop and cry and recollect myself several times in writing this so it may be all over the place. im also really sorry if this is way too much for you and if this is nowhere near how you felt about me.

i can thank you in a million ways for how you have impacted my life in the very short four months ive known and got the chance to experience you. you were the first and only person who really made the effort to want to get to know me and learn about me. its taught me to be vulnerable and be okay with sharing myself and my stories with others. it showed to me that some people actually still care about what made me, me. i think thats what really intrigued me the most about you. you like stories and you wanted to hear mine. and i wanted to share and experience some of my life story with you. but now all i really have of the memories that remind me of you.

you also exposed to me a lot of my own trauma that needs to be fixed. it was a hard and ugly truth i had to accept about myself and still trying to process it all now. you were strong enough to stand up for yourself and realize that youve had enough of all my baggage. that was probably one of the most humbling moments ive had in a long time because i mean yeah, people leave me for reasons, but it didnt affect me like how this did. it really woke me up to realize that i need to stop making excuses for my trauma. i cant just rely on attention to make it go away. maybe because i tried so hard (at least in my head) to do things to make you stay and i forced us to change to make it work. when ive always known that i cant control or force someone or something to stay. thank you for forcing me to want to work on myself. for me now.

i know i spent a lot of time talking about me and not enough about you. i asked you today and you said you never needed much from me and for some reason, i felt like i failed you. because you did not need much and i couldnt even give that to you. although i kept asking and telling you what i needed and what works for me and i just wanted you to listen, i couldnt even do the same. i wanted change in a relationship its like i wanted to help change you to be better for me but i couldnt even change myself to be the best for you. i didnt want to accept that the change that was needed, was in me instead. i guess you were right when you kept asking if i was ready for you. because now looking back at it all, there is still so much work for me to do.

i really went through all five stages at grief today. almost all at once. one second ill be okay and productive and really accepting of what i have to do from now on. but it could be seconds later where i think of you and suddenly bust into tears because i can no longer have access to you and no longer have you in my life. i thought to myself, “wow, i didnt think the last time i saw him was really THE last time ill probably ever see him again. ill never be able to hold his hand, hug or big spoon him, rub his back, or even scratch his head again.” all weird little things, but all things that i can never do again. i was more angry and disappointed with myself because my passion and emotions cost me someone i genuinely loved and cared about. it pushed someone away. again. i neglected you and let you slip away. i always had a feeling you’d leave me, i just didnt hope it was so soon. im going to miss you so much. beyond what words can explain. but even though i was upset or needed more when i wasnt physically with you, the second youd pick me up from the airport, all of that went away. being there with you made me forget what even makes me upset in the first place. i always appreciated every moment i got to spend with you. i was never bored. i was never tired of you. i never wished to be anywhere else than with you.

theres so many things i regret that we couldnt experience together like how we hoped we could. like we couldnt go out anywhere together. you couldnt meet my people, even though they really wanted to. and i couldnt meet your people either. im actually really sad and hurt we couldnt travel or take a trip together. i was really looking forward to it because i know how much it meant for you to travel with your partner. theres so many things i wanted to do with you because i really enjoyed your presence and just wanted to share stories with you. but we couldnt experience a normal part of a relationship because of whats going on in the world. maybe that wouldve changed some things, but also it doesnt matter now.

i wish i wouldve told you sooner. about how i really felt. not sure if that wouldve changed our situation much and what that would mean. but i never really would have thought i would fall in love with someone through an iphone screen. and i never expected you to feel the same, which may be a reason why i was always too scared to say it out loud to you. just know that i meant every word that i have ever said to you. ill still deadass ride or die for you. still support you. still always be here for you. still be a rock for you while the world is falling apart. still got your back, front, side, whatever you need. still be a call or text away. still be a nike plug if you need more shorts (or clothes and shoes in general). i could never hate you for this or for anything. i know all this is probably super dramatic for the four months ive known you, but i can promise you that this is nothing like ive experienced in a good way. i really do love you, camilo. and i knew for many weeks now. im sorry it had to come out this way. im sorry our story ended a lot sooner than we (mostly i) expected. i promise that ill still stay true to everything ive told you and promise to you that ill go to therapy for myself. please take good care of yourself. of all aspects of yourself please. i hope i can still count on you in the future. i love you. ill always keep praying for you. xoxoxo

ps this took me about two hours to write. and i might write more on here if i ever feel the creative need to release anytime soon, if youre curious to see later.

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cynthiadshaw · 5 years ago

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What’s the Most Important Lesson You’ve Learned Along Your Journey?

Every twist in our story, challenge we face, and obstacle we overcome is an important part of our story. These difficulties make us stronger and wiser and prepare us for what’s ahead. As we grow and succeed we may imagine that soon the challenges will fade away, but in our conversations with business owners, artists, creatives, academics, and others we have learned that the most common experience is that challenges never go away – instead they get more complex as we grow and succeed. Our ability to to thrive therefore depends heavily on our ability to learn from our experiences and so we are asking some of the city’s best and brightest: What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned along your journey?

Danny Hernandez | Contractor & Painter/Remodeler

Something I’ve learned from working in the painting business is my love for transformation. I love arriving at a location and getting inspired to transform something that may seem ordinary into something extraordinary by simply changing the color. I have also learned the importance of communication with your clients and team members. In a small business everyone plays a big role in getting things done, so it is important to to have great communication both w our employers and our employees.

@Dna.painting

Cristina Toledo | Paloma Accessories Co

@monicasalazarphotography

The most important lesson I’ve learned in my journey so far is to trust myself and to be confident in the decisions I make. I tend to be indecisive at times. With that said, this journey has taught me to be confident in the decisions I make, from branding to choosing the right pair of earrings for my followers. I’ve always believed that in order for me to start a small fashion/accessory business I had to have the “”fashion background”” or merchandising degree. That’s definitely not the case in my experience! Take a good look at trailblazer/elite celeb stylist Rachel Zoe, she majored in sociology and psychology. Hillary Kerr, majored in journalism at NYU and she is now the co-founder of Who What Wear and launched Clique Media Group in 2006. Accessories are my passion! It’s almost like a sixth sense. It truly drives me and gets me excited!

@palomaaccessoriesco

Kenndrea James | Licensed Hairstylist & Extension Specialist

The most important thing I’ve learned in my journey is to just do what makes you happy. In a profession like mine there’s so much that you can do. I love extensions, I love HEALTHY HAIR, & I love Big Hair so that’s what I do. I’m looking forward to growing and taking over the Dfw One Strand at a Time.

@iamdreathestylist @DtHextensions @DreastotalHair @DreasTotalHair

Michael and Nette Bolden | Owners of Gigi’s Cupcakes | Mansfield

Be patient. Everything is coming together. Whatever you are waiting for is on its way to you.

gigiscupcakesusa.olo.express/menu/gigis-cupcakes-mansfield gigiscupcakesusa.com

Ernesto Baez | Owner of Baez Maintenance Services Office Cleaning & Janitorial Services

@Soapsterz_shop

In my short but fast uprising journey, I have encountered many lessons. The one that stuck out the most is that you must not settle for what you think is enough and no matter how much you dream of something with no actions it will not become a reality. You have to work like there is no tomorrow, sacrifice time to build your vision but you must do everything with an open heart loving to serve others in a business it is important being humble and remembering that love is the answer to many things. Success truly comes when you absolutely love what you do.

baezmaintenance.com @baez_maintenance_services

Jim | Pitmaster and Mandi | Boss Lady

What I have learned is bbq is not a genre of food but an extended family.

LilliansBarbecue.com @lilliansbbq @lilliansbbq

Amanda Calhoun | PR Professional & Digital Content Creator

The most important lesson I’ve learned so far is to celebrate tiny victories! I put this practice into place in my career, family, friendships and relationships. I truly believe that by acknowledging those things that seem small, we empower ourselves and those around us to dream big. Too often, we wait until the BIG things (anniversaries, birthdays, weddings, etc.) to take the trip or do the thing, but why is it that we put such a focus on milestones, when the moments that matter are happening every single day. So, in my life, we celebrate WINS, big or small, and while they all might not warrant a grand gesture, it’s always the thought that counts.

@missamandadeann

Micah Unger | Owner, Casa Boho

The most important lesson I’ve learned in my journey so far is that no matter how big and successful your business becomes, at the end of the day, family comes first! I had a baby last year, at a time when Casa Boho had just gone through it’s biggest growth yet, and sales were at an all time high. Although it was hard at first, I made the choice to take a bit of a break so I could focus solely on my new little one and enjoy that new stage in life. I missed out on some big opportunities and my business took a bit of a hit as a result, but I wouldn’t have changed a thing!

shopcasaboho.com @shopcasaboho

Tony Dao | Dallas Nightlife and Hospitality Entrepreneur

“The key to immortality is first living a life worth remembering” – Bruce Lee

So be grateful and be prepared for all the wonderful opportunities in life.

Develop your Craft and your Brand as a weapon. Strike and Risk Strategically and be prepared for failures which will come in all aspects of life. To maintain your moral compass as a human being and no matter what happens… both your personal and professional life will be worth remembering.

thetdcagency.com collectivemark.com

Norman and Lakeisha Willis | Husband and wife of 13 years & Co-Owners of Willis BBQ Company

The most important lesson we have learned in our journey thus far is to consider all options and explore every avenue prior to making every decision. Do not be afraid to change the plan! When we initially started our catering business, it was called Norman’s Holiday Smoke & Catering. Our initial plan was to limit our catering services to the holidays only. We thought it was all we could handle given that we had recently had our second child. Within 3 months, we outgrew that vision. We had not considered all of opportunity that awaited us. So, we decided to start again. We had to re-brand every portion of our business.

During the re-branding process, we decided to go as for as our abilities could take us; no more limiting ourselves. We acknowledged that improvements were necessary. Our branding needed to mirror the delicious Smoked Meats, Homestyle Sides and Cupcakes we were serving our customer. We expanded our target market to include corporations, wedding venues and individuals that needed special event catering. We also decided to use our abilities and time to feed the less fortunate. And so it began, we decided to build a 22 foot food trailer; a food trailer that any company or person would love to have at their event. We changed our name to Willis BBQ Company, re-designed the logo, designed a website, created elegant menus and changed our packaging. We were all in!

Thankfully, we realized we could do more and be more. Re-evaluating our business plan early allowed us to course correct with minimum losses.

willisbbqcompany.com @willisbbqcompany @willisbbqcompany Phone: 972-805-3432 [email protected]

Desiree Davis | Mental Health Advocate and founder of United Black Women

The most important lesson I’ve learned on my journey is “if there’s a will, there’s a way”. It’s an expression my father used to say to me growing up. At times I find myself struggling with doubt and uncertainty. “”How can I accomplish that?”” “”Is this even possible?”” “”But no one has done it before.”” Those thoughts are nothing more than my fear of the unknown attempting to paralyze me back to my comfort zone. When those thoughts come to me I just remind myself “if there’s a will, there’s a way”. That phrase pushed me through college when I couldn’t afford my last semester. It pushed me through depression when I had no one to turn to. And most importantly that phrase is leading me to my purpose of helping others find their ’will’ and ‘way’ today.

@desiree.r.davis @unitedblackwomen

Alexa Lopes | Food Photographer

The most important lesson I’ve learned in my journey is to give all of yourself to your craft, but to always leave space to learn, improve and grow.

@fortworthfoodtographer @fortworthfoodtographer

Taylor Morrison | licensed registered dietitian and certified sports dietitian

What I have learned on my journey so far is that it’s easy to start looking at what others are doing or get distracted by shiny opportunities that don’t actually lead you in your desired direction. It’s important to stay true to yourself and to stay focused on what you are doing and what your purpose is. I continue to ask myself, “What is it that I’m passionate about? What gifts has God given me?”, This keeps me focused and ignites that feeling of purpose that keeps me moving forward towards my goals.

taylored-nutrition.org @taylormorrisonRD

Brittney Fernandes | Hair stylist | Bridal Stylist | Makeup Artist

The most important lesson I’ve learned in the beauty industry is that with every client, each time they’re in your chair is a gift and fresh opportunity to bless them and showcase your best self and talent.

http://www.beautebybrit.com/ @beautebybrit

Relax Bodyworks | bodywork geared towards relaxation

Tiffany Harper

Probably the most important thing is realizing that every time I put my hands on a new client, I use my intuition to learn something new. I’ve learned to trust that more than anything else because it never steers me wrong.

relaxbodyworks.com @relaxbodyworks

Johnnie Hoang | Food lover & Owner of Hoang’s Noodle House

The most important lesson I have learned in my journey is that teamwork and patience is crucial in any business. At Hoang’s Noodle House, teamwork helps with the flow and quality of the dishes. Patience plays a very important role as well, as some of our food items we serve require time to prepare. We definitely focus on providing fresh and quality food. My biggest reward is seeing and hearing people enjoy the food that I have invested time in preparing. My secret ingredient to all my dishes is passion. I have always enjoyed cooking for others. I believe that food brings people together and therefore you end up with a unique experience. Good food and good company.

@Hnoodlehouse Hoangsnoodlehouse.com

@HNHFoodTruck

Shawna Fitzpatrick | Illustrator & Urban Photographer

Ignore the naysayers, regardless of who they are. You already know the answer in your heart. When you allow the noise in, you just invited in a world of chaos and confusion.

shawnafitzpatrick.com @the.real_shawna.fitzpatrick @therealshawnafitzpatrick

Matt (mattman) Pearce | photographer

I would have to say that being a professional photographer you need to be creative and share. Be creative and look for something that is different that maybe no one else sees. Share your ideas, techniques and knowledge with other photographers. I truly believe that there are two types of photographers, one who creates the image like wedding or portrait photographers. The other type is the one who captures the image like shooting sports, news, concerts or events. I like to capture the image! There’s nothing more exciting then capturing that moment in time whether it’s a singer at a concert or a Dallas Cowboys touchdown or a Dallas Stars goal or even a stock car going by you at 190mph just three feet away! It’s the passion of capturing that moment in time! LOL, I have people ask me all the time, “”do you shoot weddings?”” LOL, I tell them no, I leave those to the professionals, I just push a button for a living…

@mattman1310 @mattman1310 @mattman1310 [email protected]

Rosy Gamez | Photographer and Crafter

Rosy Gamez

There are always a million reasons not to do something,” was a quote I heard Jan Levinson (The Office) say 5 times now in the last 6 years. As a hardcore fan of the show, her small quote resonated with me every single time I heard it, and throughout the 5-year journey of what was my freelance side business never once did I notice that I was living out those million reasons.

After the birth of my second son, I realized how much a 9-5 job took me away from my boys. I knew the best way to predict the future was to create it. I balled up those million reasons “why,” tossed them away, and introduced my crafts and designs to the world. I am an entrepreneur building my business, using my creativity and expertise for my family. The rewards are ten fold. I set my hours, earned back time with my boys and loving husband. I no longer have someone place a limit on my income because now it is limitless.

I guess you can say, the lesson learned was that you have to want it, believe it, and do it, and grasp the handful of reasons why you SHOULD and take that plunge, why, because trust me, you will be forever grateful that you did. Think about it, what’s the worst that can happen? Say you fail, well, get up and try again…and again…and again. Either way, at least you can say you tried, and that is infinitely more than others can say.

@serenestudiophotographyanddesign @serenestudiophotoanddesign

Beth Holland | Fine Art Photographer

I have learned to experience the exhilaration of seeing another side of our beloved National Parks, free of crowds, tour buses and the cacophony of civilization at night. Seeing the wonders of the familiar in a different light with the stars, moon, and milky way above is just awe-inspiring and keeps me going at 2:00 am to get that shot!

BethHollandPhotography.com @BethHollandPhotography

Rod Castor

Most important lesson would be to keep being consistently on working on your skills.

@t.r.l_photography

Ericka Estrella | Photographer/Traveler

I would have to say, that the most valuable lesson has been to take one day at the time, to look beyond the fingers like our friend <Patch Adams> will learn in the movie from 1998, and really See what is before us the opportunity to be in this world yet another day, must be truly treasured, for there is no guaranteed there will be a tomorrow.

Therefore, witness the beauty and love around each and everyday, even in the simplest things like the half and half coffee blending dance, or the sunrise backlighting a window plant.

Photographing peoples most important moments has been and continues to be an amazing gift.

@ErickaEstrellaPhotography @ErickaEstrellaPhotography

Bob Brooks | Photographer

Starting your business without a mission statement is like taking a long road trip without a map. You can get lost easily within a short amount of time. Having something to reference later will help you keep grounded to your original goal. Knowing your target demographic is also one of the most important things. And finally for the person just starting out, don’t fall into the trap that shooting every day will help you capture better images. It’s better to choose one day out of the month, bring only one battery with you or just 2 roles of film, shoot till it’s gone and then don’t edit or processes them for 6-8 weeks and then look at then for the first time. Trust me, shooting 30k-50k in six months only gets you burned out, and from there, you loose your passion for photography all together. The old saying “Do what you love, and you will never work a day in your life” this couldn’t be further from the truth, getting the paying jobs and prospecting for work is the real work, this represents about 80% of the work of the photographer, not the other way around.

@rlbrooks_photography Facebook: Bob Brooks @rlbrooksphotography

Eric Ziegler | Landscape and nature photographer

I think the most important thing I’ve learned is that you’re never too old to learn.

I started the hobby of photography as a teenager, and although I’ve been working at it for almost 30 years, I still feel that my work is not where I want it to be. I am always looking for new techniques and ideas to help me become more creative, and it is fun sometimes to compare my work from several years ago to see the growth I’ve achieved.

ericzieglerphoto.com @ezieglerphoto

Madiha Javed | Founder of Panache Art Studio | Photographer | Graphic Designer | RJ – Women Empowerer & Humanitarian

Panache Art Studio by Madiha Javed

Know your true self first. Believe and be grateful always no matter what life throws at you. Stick to what feels right , even if you have to walk alone. Make your passion your purpose and you will find peace and hapiness within you. Live without expectations and love for the sake of loving. Do good to others selflessly and it will come back to you in mysterious ways. And never feel the need to ever define your worth to anyone. And never ever be afraid of failures.

@panache.art.studio @p/B3GdcTylUJI @bymadihajaved @groups/548690268834704

Kaisha Slaughter | Interior Design & Digital Marketing

The most important lesson I have learned in this journey so far is to always be authentic to yourself! Believe in yourself and trust the process. In difficult times stay positive and you will be amazed at the things you are truly capable of. You will always have someone doubting you, and it makes it that much more sweet when you succeed!

@keepingupwithkaisha

Lone Star Darkroom | traditional film photo lab

Kristin Wright

Working in a traditional Darkroom can be a lot of pressure when it comes to working on customer film. There is nothing you can do to fix some of the errors that you will naturally encounter. I’ve learned a lot about having a good work ethic and slowing down. I handle every single roll of film like it’s my own and take care to ensure I’ve done the best I can do and to always be honest with customers. We’re a small business and have the luxury of communicating directly with many of our customers while working on their photos and I want everyone to feel that their order has been handled carefully and fairly, and to understand the amount of careful tedious work that goes into hand processing each roll of film.

@LoneStarDarkroom

Jennifer Ramirez | Brow and Beauty Expert

The most important thing I have learned is to never stop learning. Continuing education and allowing yourself to absorb new ideas and techniques will always improve your work and business. From learning how to manage your time to learning a new service or product to offer just having that knowledge can only lead you to success. We are taught from a young age that knowledge is power and I have always seen that to be true.

styleseat.com/jenniferramirez6?utm_campaign=vanity @Perfectbrowsbyjenn @the_brow_and_beauty_room

Jessica Kelly | Ceo of House of Kelly

The most important lesson I’ve learned in my journey so far is that I have to be patient, I can’t expect for everything to happen overnight. You can be grinding for 4 long years with no results and on that 5th year you become the biggest thing on the planet!! So yes patience has been my biggest lesson.

houseofkelly.co @_jessica_kelly

Amorette Vargas | Esthetician and Wax Specialist

The biggest lesson I have learned along the way is to always give clients the same, if not better service each time you work on then. It’s nearly impossible to lose a client when you give them the best of your talent & abilities each and every time they see you. My clients have stayed with me throughout the years and have become like family to me. I don’t push products and services they don’t need, but instead suggest what I feel would help them reach their esthetic goals. That’s what trust is all about!

My favorite quote is: “To be successful you must be unique, you must be so different that if people want what you have, they must come to you to get it.”

— Walt Disney

vagaro.com/amoretteshautewax [email protected] @amoretteshautewax

Lisa Slimak | Photographer with Le-Marie Photography

The most important lesson I’ve learned during my photography journey is to capture as many memories as possible, big or small. Sometimes memories fade but a photo can bring back those moments and even the exact feelings you felt in that moment.

I started my photography journey when I realized my son was almost a senior in high school and that after almost 14 years of watching him play soccer once he graduated we would no longer experience these moments. So I started taking my love for photography more serious. I took some classes, invested in some gear & began shooting all my sons games, not just him but all of his teammates. I hope my son, his teammates and their parents can look back at those photos for many years and remember the joy the game brought them, the lessons they learned & the bonds they made.

A few years after I started doing photography I lost my brother and at that moment I realized one of the first things people do in good times and in bad times is go through photos, at times that is all you have left of a person or a memory. It became a passion of mine to capture images of individuals and families that i can deliver to them and they will always have. It truly is the gift that keeps giving!

@lemarie_photography @lemariephotos

Emily Campbell | Photographer

The most important lesson is probably the one I’m struggling through right now – Trust. Learning to trust myself; trust my instincts, my abilities and my judgement; teaching myself to pause and pickup my camera when something catches my eye. It means investing the time in myself and my craft and believing that the time I spend apart (from my husband and my daughter) will ultimately be redeemed in the process. Trusting God and His timing means learning patience and focusing on what’s in front of me. There are currently 38 posts on my Instagram page. There are 5,529 photos uploaded to my Mac begging to be edited. Moral of the story: Find joy in where you’re at right now. You matter. Your art matters. Be intentional and do what feels right.

@lovelythymephotography

Katie Zoboroski | Health & Wellness Coach

@katieleethejourney

The most important lesson I’ve learned in my journey thus far is that any day is a good day to say, no more! No more to the things that are holding you back. Throughout my journey, I have experienced an absolutely crazy amount of things I would’ve much rather not have been through. But I lived it and it’s my journey, which has now become my story. At any point, you can change your story to create the life you want! My mission is to empower women to know they are not alone in their journey, that deep within them they have the power to overcome. And that they have the inner strength to say no more and reshape their future by reshaping themselves both mentally and physically. I hope that my journey is a testimony of persistence, strength, and determination, to overcome what happened to you without letting it become you!

@katieleethejourney

Rula Sharkawi | owner of Rula Cosmetics

What I’ve learned is to never give up and never stop learning. You’re never too good because someone else will always be better but Consistency is key. When you never give up on what you believe in and never stop learning about the things your passionate about then your skill will continue to get better and people will always notice.

rulacosmetics.com @rulacosmetics

The post What’s the Most Important Lesson You’ve Learned Along Your Journey? appeared first on Voyage Dallas Magazine | Dallas City Guide.

source http://voyagedallas.com/2020/02/03/whats-important-lesson-youve-learned-along-journey-2/

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foursprouthappiness-blog · 7 years ago

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10 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’re An INFJ, The World’s Rarest Personality Type

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/10-things-people-dont-realize-youre-doing-because-youre-an-infj-the-worlds-rarest-personality-type/

10 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’re An INFJ, The World’s Rarest Personality Type

God & Man

The INFJ (standing for Introversion, Intuition, Feeling, Judgment) is the rarest personality type of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, making up only 1-2% of the population. But how does their unique personality translate into real-life contexts?

Here are ten things people don’t realize you are doing because you’re an INFJ:

1. Fixating on people and situations that don’t necessarily matter in the long run; planning in advance for everything and imagining every potential scenario possible ahead of time.

As an INFJ, you’ve got quite the imagination (which makes you pretty talented at visualizing and manifesting things). On the other hand, this can be a recipe for disaster if you haven’t gotten a handle on your anxiety or taken the appropriate steps to set healthy boundaries with yourself and others. You may fixate on a problem for far too long without coming up with realistic solutions. You may become easily deeply entangled and absorbed in how others are behaving or what they think of you. This habit of “fixating” and obsessing over others can also make you prone to engaging in fantasy relationships. While this can benefit you as a creative type, it is very easy for you to get lost inside of your mind and out of touch with reality.

In social groups, you tend to be the overthinker who’s already on top of issues and topics among those who haven’t given them a second thought. You’re likely to anticipate anything and everything that could occur in a future event and pre-plan ways in which you could solve potential conflict or navigate obstacles that haven’t even occurred yet.

Unfortunately, you can’t just plan for everything. People can be unpredictable, life is always in flux and the only constant is change. It’s important for INFJs to realize that the only thing you can plan for is how you can best take care of yourself emotionally if things don’t quite turn out as you expected.

2. Dissociating from the material world to live in your own head.

INFJs have a running joke about frequently running into poles while walking or tripping over their own feet because they were daydreaming or thinking too deeply – and unfortunately, this joke hits all too close to home. Going inward allows us to be innovators, but it can also disconnect us at times from our immediate surroundings.

There’s the “real life” that we acknowledge exists – and then there’s an elaborate, rich fantasy life we have that we tend to disappear into every day, where we create full-fledged interactions, conversations and events that haven’t happened (at least not yet). Which world is more real? To an INFJ, the answer is not as clear-cut as it seems. The truth is, if you know an INFJ, they’ve have already had multiple conversations with you – you just weren’t there physically when they happened.

3. Reading the emotions of people and absorbing their energy.

INFJs are natural empaths who soak up the emotions of those around them. They have a knack for intuitively sensing what others are feeling and understanding what is left unsaid in social interactions.

They tend to be very compassionate people who are overly generous and conscientious to the needs of others. This makes them a target for predators like narcissists who seek to exploit them. That’s why it’s important for INFJs to develop a healthy radar and move slowly in relationships to ward off these toxic types. They also need to ground themselves mindfully as to not take on the emotions of others.

On the other hand, this ability also makes INFJs gifted healers, highly attuned to what other people need in their journey towards personal development. INFJs can use their emotional intelligence to excel in professions that involve teaching, counseling, coaching and inspiring social change.

4. Having your guard up, yet desiring and chasing after meaningful connections that last for a lifetime.

INFJs are deeply sensitive personalities that become easily hurt when mistreated. That’s why many of them learn to guard themselves when meeting new people or letting people into their “secret” world. Since INFJs can be quiet and reserved in certain situations, they can sometimes appear cold and standoffish, especially when deep in thought. Very few people get close enough to discover the true core of an INFJ.

Yet with their loved ones, INFJs are loyal and compassionate, warm-hearted and sentimental. They value their friendships and relationships with an intensity and intimacy that is surprising.

However, their emotions are extremely strong and once you get to know them a bit better, you realize they are actually very warm and loving people. As observers of human behavior and astute students of “people,” they are startlingly thoughtful in their ability to connect to what makes others happy around them. Their sentimental nature may not come through when INFJs are being guarded with their hearts, but as they slowly learn to drop their guard around trustworthy people, their bright energy shines through easily.

5. Using your intuition in a way that’s eerily on point.

Friends, family members and loved ones may call you slightly “psychic.” And, well, you kind of are. INFJs have an uncanny intuition about situations and people that goes beyond facades and surface-level appearances. They may have dreams and premonitions that come to life or gut feelings that, while at the time seem ridiculous, are later confirmed by unexpected life events.

For the most part, they can make accurate predictions years ahead of time and have their finger on the pulse of what’s about to occur. A challenge for the INFJ is to learn how to trust their intuition early on; they need to know that the way they come to conclusions is quite different from other personality types that are more “practical.”

6. Slamming the door on toxic people with a ferocity that shocks onlookers.

While INFJs can have a difficult time setting boundaries with toxic people at the onset, they all eventually reach their limits. The INFJ personality type is known for the infamous “door slam,” a phenomenon that occurs when the INFJ feels so violated by someone that they no longer have the emotional reserves to tolerate any more of their bullshit.

Although the door slam can sometimes be used in contexts that don’t warrant it, often times the INFJ slamming the door has more than enough reason to do so. Remember that this type is very conscientious: so before cutting off contact, they’ve likely already weighed the pros and cons and have probably tolerated numerous transgressions prior to ending the relationship or friendship.

7. Being immediately turned off by insensitive personality types, especially ones that are tone-deaf and emotionally obtuse.

Blunt, unemotional people are a natural turn-off to this personality type. Because INFJs are so conscientious and tend to overthink and over analyze everything they do and say to others, it baffles them that other people could be so unaware, cold, indifferent or downright unempathic in their interactions with others. They are easily overwhelmed by bullying types who treat others with a reckless disregard or treat people with abrasiveness. The exception being, of course, manipulative charmers who can “present” a more gentle personality type at the onset, but later unmask themselves to be cruel and callous. INFJs can have a more difficult time detoxing from manipulators simply because of the trauma this “unmasking” reveals.

It’s probably this same indignation that explains why INFJs tend to be justice seekers, always with a mission to right wrongs and support the underdog. It’s important that INFJs keep in mind that other personality types may deal with their emotions differently, while also being mindful of the company they keep. INFJs have to learn to be so comfortable in their own skin that they don’t end up trying to cater to the needs of toxic personalities, even while remaining diplomatic.

8. Disappearing for days after just a few social interactions.

INFJs can appear very friendly and extroverted to outsiders. In fact, this is one of the most “extroverted” introverted types. Yet their energy can get drained easily by social interactions, even the most positive ones. They need time to absorb and process social interactions in a way that can appear somewhat unusual to outsiders. They might disappear for days without contacting you or seem uncharacteristically emotionally distant even while physically present.

If this disappearance occurs after a conflict, it’s important to let the INFJ retreat and unwind by themselves. They need time to cool down, relax and reconnect with you later (if they aren’t doing a “door slam,” that is). If they disappear after a positive interaction, don’t worry. They’re usually just spending time reminiscing over and processing the fond memories. For the most part, INFJs retreat not because they don’t enjoy spending time with you, but because their alone time is essential for their self-care.

9. Being overly organized in some areas and highly disorganized, even neglectful, in others.

Being a perfectionist comes naturally for an INFJ, so they’re usually stereotyped as being organized, meticilous and neurotic in all facets of their life. However, the INFJ is a complex and contradictory type. They can get so absorbed in something that they neglect other important aspects or even neglect their own wellbeing.

It’s common to see an INFJ spend hours on a project while neglecting to eat or sleep, or for an INFJ to become so lost in a creative undertaking that they lose sight of their external environment, causing them to leave their living arrangements in disarray. Sometimes, they focus so much on the details that they lose sight of the bigger picture – or vice versa.

That’s why you might encounter an INFJ who is incredibly precise and detailed in certain projects, but seemingly messy and disorganized in others. It’s because their logic and reasoning is very tied to their intuition – they do things on “impulse” and from their inspiration moreso than deadlines or protocols because they have an intuitive sense of knowing of what will work, what won’t and how they work best.

You’re also likely to meet INFJs who are very high-strung and devoted to a goal or dream, often at the expense of their social life or their mental health. How an INFJ thinks and organizes things may not make sense to an outsider, but they definitely bring a unique perspective into everything they do. They just have to learn how to take better care of themselves in the process.

10. Appearing to have multiple personalities.

If you’ve asked an INFJ a tough question, don’t worry – one of their personalities will be with you shortly. This complex type has many different facets to their identity, many of which can contradict one another.

You may witness a seemingly scientific and “rational” INFJ exhibit a keen interest in spiritual or even paranormal matters, or a normally serious INFJ morph into a mischievous comedian with a knack for telling dirty jokes.

Don’t be alarmed. These are all sides of the same person. INFJs have a rich inner life that they normally don’t share with others, so their inner monologue when “outed” is quite intriguing to say the least. When it does come out and reveal some sides of them you haven’t seen before, realize that you’re just getting another piece of a very intricate and unusual puzzle. INFJs are tough personalities to figure out, but that’s what makes them so interesting.

#Happiness

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thegirlwhocouldntsitdown-blog · 7 years ago

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7 months in - Struggling to be present but also writing a lot (18/3/2018)

It is now March 2018 which is very weird to say. It’s extremely daunting that the last half of my J1 Visa has kicked in and it’s honestly terrifying me. I feel like I’ve really started to solidify my life here over the last month, and knowing that I may have to have it all taken away from me in September is so disheartening. I’ve been doing fun activities with friends, enjoying spending nights in with my roommates, taking advantage of all the free time I have at work to write, and making fond memories with my boyfriend and his amazing family. Of course I still miss home and have a mini breakdown every 4 days about missing my family and friends, but I finally feel like I can see the direction that things are going in here, and knowing there’s a high chance I won’t be able to stay and continue furthering my career makes me feel super uneasy.

This whole paradox of feeling settled but knowing I may have to uproot again is making it really difficult to stay present. I find myself thinking “okay only 2 more months till the movie ends, find some way to worry about that now even though you can’t look for another job for another month” and “if I have to move back home, where will all my furniture in LA go, and will I have to pay the rest of my lease or will there be a way to move someone else in?” and most of all, I repeat to myself the strongest and most unanswerable question of them all, “if I have to go home, how will I ever be able to find a job over here again - and what if I can never find a way back?” Now that I know I can do it and work my way up to my goals here, I don’t want to leave just yet. It would feel like I failed and like my future has been cut short or diminished into something less desirable and less me.

At the same time, I miss home miserably. I miss my friends; I miss singing Hamilton in the car with Stef when we go to get Cold Rock (even if it’s raining). I miss lying in front of the heater at Joanna’s house while we talk about how weird it is that we’ve been lying in front of her heater since we were 5. I miss Bianca coming over to have dinner at my house and ending up napping in my bed. I miss sleepovers with Jez and Mez, throwing Jeremy to the ground and Maryanne yelling at him for wearing his “street clothes” in her bed. I miss going to the movies with Georgia only to accidentally have 3 beers at 1pm. I miss driving to adventures with Ally and the JoBro’s. I miss squeezing Jayden and Zoe’s faces and yelling “I LOVE YA” at Taylor and Jess. I miss debriefing with Lena before going on stage, reminding each other that the other is worthy and loved. I miss managing to get all of The Ace Gang in one room for 20 minutes and being in awe of how much we’ve changed, yet how we’re exactly the same as we were at 15. I miss yelling at Simon with Vanessah. I miss my family. I miss annoying my dad and calling him a boob. I miss cuddling my mum on the couch and hearing her smell my head after a long day. I miss going to Elyse and Mitchell’s house and eating all the chocolates in their chocolate bowl while my sister calls me funny nicknames. I miss dinner on Tuesday nights at my Nonno and Nonna’s house, Nonno watching The Bold and the Beautiful while Nonna yells at me for eating too much of the sauce before the pasta is even ready. I miss coaxing Eva and Yasmin into saying they love me amidst hide and seek.

That being said, my friends here are great and my family have been visiting (Elyse and Mitchell are visiting in 3 weeks YAY!). I don’t know. Life is weird.

TRAVEL

4/10

I haven’t really been anywhere lately, but I’ve been intermittently doing fun activities so that’s satiated my thirst for adventure for now. I’m getting a bit restless considering work is coming to a close and I’m so stressed about finding the next job, so I think maybe a little getaway after the movie finishes would be nice. Joey and I are thinking about going to Yosemite or Portland, Oregon if we can afford it. I also am planning to go to the Del Close Marathon for the 3rd year in a row (my improv team didn’t submit in time to actually perform in it this year, but I’d still love to go). If I can get another PA job after this one, I’ll definitely be able to do both trips. I really hope I can make it work because then I’d be in New York when the Mean Girls Musical run is on, and YOU’D BETTER BELIEVE I WILL FIND A WAY TO SEE THAT SHIT.

My sister will be arriving soon, and I know I’ll be in full swing host mode again, going to fun dinners and outings when I’m at work and weekend activities - we’re going to Disneyland for a full weekend and staying at one of the Disneyland hotels, which will be super fun.

Apart from that, not much is going on. A couple of weeks ago Kelsey, Shannon Jada and I had a cute lady day in Highland Park. We got donut/ice cream sandwiches and went to see Joey’s level 4 improv show at UCB, then had some bevvies. It was very adventurous compared to what I do most days and it felt good to be busy.

Joey and I also went to a German beer hall and had a cute date.

But apart from that, life has been low key. This weekend Joey and I are going on a hike and to an escape room (one of my favourite activities known in existence) which will be A++++++++!

PAIN

2/10

My body has been very mad at me lately, for some reason. I’ve noticed that my fingers have a natural curve in them and hurt at least a little bit, most of the time. I was doing some yoga and stretching with Kelsey before work this morning, and when the YouTube instructor lady said to put your hands in a prayer position (welcome to LA), I realised that it’s a struggle for me to press my hands together and get them completely straight. Like, it doesn’t hurt per se, but it feels super uncomfortable and strenuous:

It worries me to see a physical change due to my arthritis. My hands are weaker even if I do exercises to keep them able to type and hold things, because the joints in my knuckles and near my nails are always inflamed.

My back has also not been great at all. I’ve been going to the gym 3-4 times a week (which has really benefited my overall feeling of well-being and stiffness) but I still wake up every day with the stiffest spine and the tightest muscles and joints - of course I understand that this will just be how it is when you have psoriatic arthritis, not to mention my tricky sacrum and slipped discs, but even doing cardio and intense stretching doesn’t maintain my flexibility. I can always get back to where I was if I do the right things, but it seems like there’s no moving forward. My upper back has become so tight also, so now my entire back feels weak and tight 24 hours a day. There’s not as much spasm-type pain or anything (that is still there, but not as it used to be), but the weakness gives me a new type of fear. Even doing weights and maintaining flexibility, will I ever gain strength that will be able to actually get stronger, or will I be this way at this stage forever?

I’m also worrying about my sacriolitic joint and am noticing more pain in my surgery spot when I’m not taking proper care of myself - does this mean the nerve root is growing back and is growing back bad (aka, will I start feeling the extreme pain if I’m sitting for longer than 10 seconds again)? Or does this just mean that because of my surgery and history, that area is still weak and so it hurts more when I sit down too much or carry things wrong?

COMEDY

6/10

Now that I’m in a rhythm with weekly improv trainings with my indie team Art School Models, I’ve been feeling confident and good about myself in terms of my comedy and creativity a bit more. As mentioned above, we’re thinking of going to the Del Close Marathon in late June so hopefully life pans out the way I’d like it to and I get to go. We’ll have to wait and see what happens.

Tomorrow night I’m going to see Middleditch and Schwartz again with my pal Shannon and I am super excited! Seeing those two crazy and hilarious men work together inspires the silliest and grossest depths of my soul, I can’t wait to see what weird shit they’ll do in the show. It’s going to be St Patrick’s day so hopefully we can have a bevvie too.

Overall, I’ve been writing consistently and I’m actually ENJOYING WHAT I’M WRITING?! It feels weird. I just finished the rewrite of a pilot I really like, my dear pal Susanna giving me some great notes which gave me the gusto to keep writing ideas that sound like me rather than something I’m trying to aspire to. I’ve been trying really hard to focus on writing things that I would actually want to see rather than what the networks seem to be looking for. Although I think that is definitely a great skill to have and an important aspect of the process to recognise, I’m a fetus at this compared to other people in LA, so I should just focus on writing as much as I can from my point of view, and perfecting my tone and my voice while I have all this downtime. Just gotta find a way to make sure my hands don’t hurt too much to type. Eep.

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