#'you've just gotta learn to stop being scared of them' but that Does mean that i have to interact with them more. and it seems

[keeps-ache]

sigh. i think i just do not like dogs very much lol

[fleshengine]

You click the button and hang up. Dead air fills the car, silent as we rumble down the freeway. A minute later you remember and go to plug your phone back in to get the music going to push back those thoughts another half hour until we get home and you can decompose in your room. Before you can hit spotify I poke the button to turn off my little Fiat's stereo. As you start to react,

"You know it's not your fault right?" I say, more as a statement than a question.

"What?"

"It's not your fault, what was done to you, what IS done to you every time you answer your mom." There's an edge to my voice that you haven't really ever heard before in our year of living together and years of being friends. Something almost mean stirs in me.

"Yeah I know, can we turn the mu-"

"I don't think you do dude." I interupt you, I feel terrible about it later. "I think you've convinced yourself that you do these things of your own free will."

"Look, let's talk about this later I'm tired."

"No, if I wait any longer I'll lose my nerve." It's true, I've thought about having this conversation a half dozen times this week alone. "I can't put up with it anymore."

"You don't have to put up with anything, I'm not asking you to."

"I care about you." My voice breaks, I pause, you see something there, a glint behind my eye, I'm holding so much back. "I care about you okay, and I can't take seeing the way that you look after she calls you, or when you ask me to come pick you up from her house."

"You don't have to pick me up..."

"Someone does! Someone has to help get you out of there when you finally can't take it. I don't care about how long the drive is, I care that I can't get there immediately. I know you don't like people feeling responsible for you and that you're your own person and all that but I do. I do feel responsible for you. I feel responsible because as far as I know there isn't anyone else who will wake you up on time for classes in the morning, who will cook you breakfast, who will hold you when you finally convince your mom to let you hang up the phone, when you ask for a ride home after things go south up at her house."

My fingers grip the wheel, only breaking to wipe tears from my eyes. The freeway extends before us, thousands of cars between us and home. The car trundles over a rougher section of pavement as we sit in silence. You don't know what to say, scared from me raising my voice. I'm afraid to keep talking, having run out of the scripts I wrote to myself in the shower.

"Look dude, I feel responsible for you because you have like the same problems I did years ago. I want to help you, in every single way I can because I'm probably not going to be there for you much longer. We've got a year left before I have to try and get my life together and you follow A to their medschool."

"I've gotta step up now because I don't know who will have the time or energy in your future. You'll have them, but med students are notoriously busy. I need you to know that there's love in the world outside romantic partners. Because I love you. I love you and I want to help you fix your problems before you move away and stop talking to me forever. I won't be able to manage if all I get is an update about how terrible your life is every six months."

I've run out of steam. The car's gas gauge ticks down another pip. A chevy merges ahead of us without signalling. I tap the brakes and sigh heavily. It's my normal heavy sigh, you used to ask me if something was wrong every time I did that sigh and every time I told you everything was fine and I just make that noise sometimes. I've since learned it's a self soothing method.

"We can turn on the music, we don't have to keep talking but like... I love you dude, you're one of my best friends and I couldn't ask for a better roommate. Please let me help you in a way that matters one of these days."

I click the button on the stereo, and your phone starts in the middle of a Chappel Roan song. I watch the road, you watch your phone. I get us home, we cry in our rooms.

[fluideli123]

Would you mind giving me a crash course on writing plurality? It interested me the moment I read your analysis on Raph being plural, even more so when I went after the links in the post.

I'm going to be completely honest and upfront first. Writing Plurality can be hard when you know nothing about the community or only know how the media presents DID. Plurality is a diverse experience, so it's going to challenge your choice of perspective in your story, word choice, and self-awareness when you're falling into demonization about the experience. Especially when characters can be stereotypical and fall into demonization "easily." 

Writing a system is like writing a disabled character, a neurodiverse character, a cluster b character, a POC character, and so on. It takes a lot of understanding and discovering things you will have no idea how to explain because you've never experienced them or just don't know how to comprehend them. But the most important rule to writing any character(s) that go through things you don't is to remember that as long as you try your best, admit your mistakes, fix your errors, and never stop learning. You'll be able to achieve what story you want to tell with these characters. 

Like any community, you have a lot of different opinions, and the views from the community you're trying to write about are something you've got to at least have a basic awareness of. Because understanding what may be seen as problematic or what might cause someone to come bursting into your comment section on a fic or so on will help you decide whether you're going to change what this person takes issue with or keep it despite their beliefs on it. 

That doesn't mean you get to brush actual problematic things off, though. It's just a fine balance, especially if you're singlet. 

But with that out of the way! I will try my best to give a basic crash course on how to write Plurality. Now, I'm a very understanding, patient, detail-orientated person, so if you or anyone else needs to ask questions or need me to "dumb" things down, please don't hesitate to do so! This is a safe space; I enjoy teaching people and bringing more acceptance to issues and experiences many people don't understand, so it's okay to make mistakes here with the intent of fixing them! 

It All Starts With You

The first step to writing Plurality is to start with you. Now you might think, "What do I have to do about writing a system? Why does it matter that I've gotta start with myself first? :/" Well, I'll give a simple answer: 

Everything you write reflects who you are as a person and what work you're willing to do for your writing.

Now, I don't mean reflecting yourself as in, "Oh no! You write about murders, so you must be a murderer!" No, I mean how you perceive yourself, the world, and others affect your writing. 

An example of this is one of my favorite books, Life of Pi by Yann Martel. The author enjoys learning and believes in the ability to participate in multiple religions, so the character Pi in his story holds that characteristic, affecting how the story is written. I suffer from intrusive thoughts, so I write Mikey from ROTTMNT with pure O OCD (someone whose OCD doesn't showcase/have outward compulsions), which affects how I write his interactions with the environment and his internal dialogue. 

Why this is important is because if you believe there is such a thing as an "evil alter," that only disordered systems are true systems, and/or that there's no such thing as Plurality and people are just faking it, it'll show in your work whether you want it to or not. So, it's important to tackle your stance on Plurality. How who you are and what you believe and participate in affect how you write a system. 

I'll use myself as a perfect example! I'm very open-minded, but I'm very afraid of ghosts and demons. So when I learned that Possestive Systems were a thing, it scared me because the idea of being possessed makes me scared. I'm still afraid of demons and ghosts, but it no longer affects my interpretation and understanding of possessive systems. 

I'm not religious, but I love learning about religion and how people interpret it so learning about Spirigenic Systems was super cool! I believe endo systems deserve respect and exist. I also think that persecutors do not deserve to be treated unfairly, negatively, and purposefully hurt by their systems or those outside the system. They also deserve respect and understanding. 

This shows in my writing because I write Raphael as a diversian median system with a mixed origin with truamagenic and endogenic origins. I've made a few posts about Leonardo being a non-truamagenic system with non-religious spiritual connections to his ancestors (here, here, and here). I have even blatantly had Leonardo state in my Figuring It Out series the same perspective I have about Plurality: 

In summary, Leo's brother is a part of a system, and if anyone were to ever make Raph, or Mind and Red for that matter, feel awful about that in any way, he and his brothers and sister would fight them without hesitation. There was nothing wrong with being a part of a system, and anyone who disagreed could eat a dirty, used pizza box for all they cared. Red and mind are a part of their family, and no idiot could ever change that. 

Becoming aware of how Plurality makes you feel, think, and do is important, so while learning about Plurality, it's good to take time to assess why things make you feel this way or that way. Why you don't want to even try and write that experience but feel drawn to write about that one. 

And, by the way, it's okay not to write some experiences! I don't write much about DID systems, but a friend of mine does! A part of writing systems is writing what is most interesting/relatable/understandable to you! There will always be some system that resonates with a characteristic you've written about, and it's okay if you can't write some system experiences perfectly or at all!

This leads to the other half of what I said, that who you are will affect the amount of work you'll put into writing about Plurality, and I shall use myself as another example to help you understand what I mean. 

I am extremely passionate about learning about Plurality, so I am heavily involved in the community. I follow a lot of Plural blogs, have Plural friends, am a part of Plural discord servers, in activism, spend my time teaching others about Plurality, and have spent hours reading through Plural systems experiences over genuine, literal years. Because of this, I am very knowledgeable and deeply understand Plurality that not many singlets and even some systems have an understanding of. (This doesn't mean I am an expert and all-knowing, however. Please remember this. I am not a professional). I am willing to put years of research and interactions with the community into a piece of writing. 

You may be the same way, or you may just want to only know enough to get the basics down to a T, which in my opinion, is valid if done correctly! Understanding how willing you are to dedicate yourself to learning about Plurality to write it is just as crucial as understanding how you feel about it and tackling any Pluralphobia or hatred you have towards the community/experience. 

TL;DR: You have to figure out how you feel about Plurality and make sure you fix any issues you have towards or about Plurality. You have to understand how far you're willing to go to write Plurality, whether it's dedicating years to it or just wanting to know the basics. 

Where to Learn About Plurality 

Since I've spent years dedicating a portion of my life to learning and helping the plural community, I know a couple of ways that you can learn about Plurality for yourself and for your writing (because it is crucial you research before writing something). If you enjoy a laidback way of doing it, I recommend following blogs! If you want to read a lot, I recommend the dictionary! If you talk to the community directly, I recommend certain blogs, discord servers, and spaces where learning is the main idea!

Never just barge into any system/plural safe space with questions and concerns unless you know for certain they want to teach you. It isn't anyone's job to teach you or spend their day explaining what you want to know. They are beings with lives of their own, and they do not owe you anything. Respect is important; if you don't respect a system's time, boundaries, and wishes, you are in the wrong period. It is always important to ensure that you're asking questions and talking to systems that want to answer your questions with respect and patience. 

Here are the blogs and sites I recommend interacting with if you're not sure where to start (I will take any mentions off if those I've mentioned would rather I not @ them): 

@mixed-origin-system-culture-is

@funnier-as-a-system

@positively-plural

@dear-systems

@persecutorlifeandsupport

@endo-memes

@non-traumagenicsupport

Pluralpedia

Power to the Plurals

I am available to ask questions or get to know Plurality better, but as I said before, I am not an expert; I am not all-knowing; I am simply one opinion/experience in a sea of many, many others. Do not take my word as law and an end-all. 

I recommend following and interacting with open communities specifically for the kind(s) of Plurality you want to write. This will help you in writing system experiences/struggles/achievements/interactions relating to those experiences you choose to write about.

TL;DR: To write Plurality correctly and to the best of your abilities, you have to learn about Plurality in the best way that suits your learning needs. Also, systems don't owe you anything. Respect them. 

What to Avoid and How to Avoid it

Now, because there are a lot of stigmas, demonizations, misinformation, and discourse about systems, I am only going to talk about the main things you should always or at least try to avoid.

1) Gatekeeping Plurality 

Whether you're a system or a singlet, this is extremely important to remember. It is not your place to dictate who, when, or what is deemed "Plural enough," especially system experiences you/you& do not experience yourself/yourselves. 

You should avoid gatekeeping since it excludes systems from communities, help, and safe spaces. It's awful, and it hurts systems a fuck-ton. It's something that gets on my nerves because exclusion is literally the absolute worst. Excluding beings/groups/communities/experiences literally does nothing but hurt those just trying to exist. And it's never okay to hurt others on purpose. 

As someone who's super open-minded in the way that I am, it's honestly difficult for me to gatekeep, but here's what I have heard that might help keep you from gatekeeping: 

Not everything is about you. You may not get/need it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist/someone needs it. 

The existence of something/someone doesn't mean less for someone else who isn't a part of that group.

If it isn't hurting anyone, it's not a problem. (There may be struggles or a change that needs to be made, but that doesn't mean it's necessarily hurting someone/a group.)

Everyone is capable of change, and that's okay.

Everyone makes mistakes, and that's okay. 

Everyone is allowed their own opinions, and that's okay.

There are no rules for how being exist. 

2) The So-Called Evil Alter(s) 

We've all seen those characters in media that have that one side/alter who is slapped with the label of being evil. A perfect example is the Goblin from Spider-Man, the Beast from Glass, and literally any media you consume that has DID villainized. When writing Plurality, it is your job to avoid hurtful and harmful stereotypes such as the "Evil Alter." 

The reason it's important to avoid falling into the stereotype is simple: It's overused, demonizes, stigmatizes, villainizes, and continues to push forth the idea that systems are to be feared. Systems are real and valid, and creating fear around their experiences and existence causes real-life problems. If you're choosing to write about marginalized groups (just like drawing, it should be something you practice/incorporate often), you must always keep this in mind. What you write affects real beings. Write responsibly. 

The best way to flick a middle finger to the evil stereotype is by ensuring that a headmate is well-rounded, an actual individual instead of a plot device or just a flat character. It is okay to have characters who may fall into stereotypes, be a persecutor, or do bad things because they're a being; they're capable of such things. But you have to make sure to get across to the audience that they are not evil. You can do this by not having a headmate be the antagonist in the story or filling the common roles a villain does in most stories. 

If you're incapable or aren't sure you can write a character like that, avoid writing headmates who can fall into being a villain in your story. If you're sharing your work publically, it's best not to incorporate it at all, but I highly recommend practicing privately on how to write demonized headmates in a stigma-free light in your own time and pace. You're going to fail at first; what matters is that you're trying. 

3) Writing Only "Evil" or Antagonists as Pural 

Similar to what I said above, even if you don't follow the "Evil Alter" villainization of a headmate, it's important to always pay attention if all or most of your system characters are villains/antagonists in your story. While having a diverse set of characters with various roles in a story is fine, it's important to ensure that you're not accidentally falling into the thin line of villainizing characters. 

The best way to avoid this is to make sure you have an equal balance of plural characters spanning from "good" to "many shades of grey" to "bad." And to not use demonizing characteristics with "bad" characters but instead in good or a certain grey area. This will challenge you to break norms and think outside the box, depending on your character. But in the end, if you don't feel capable, practice! Learn! As long as you're trying, that's what matters!

4) Final Fusion

Many singlets don't know this, so I won't just link what Final Fusion is but define it. In the simplest explanation I can give, Final Fusion is when a system becomes a singlet. 

I would avoid this in writing at all costs. The point of writing Systems isn't to make them singlet, and it's like learning how to write black characters to make them white. You just don't do that. You write systems to write about system experiences/have a genuinely diverse cast of characters, not to make their existence in stories an end goal to become one single being in a body. 

If you're singlet, don't ever write about Final Fusion. In my opinion, it isn't your place to write about that; leave that to systems as it is a touchy subject and not one singlets should handle. 

TL;DR: When writing about Plurality, avoid gatekeeping Plural experiences/groups, falling into evil stereotypes, making all your plural characters antagonists, and writing anything on Final Fusion.

General Writing Rules

How you write systems depends on what system you decide to write about, the headmates within that system, and any other characteristics you choose to add to the body or the headmates themselves will influence how you actually write things out. An example is how I write my Shard System (fic here). 

First, my Shard System has polyconsciousness and can communicate internally, though it changes depending on who's talking and fronting. This leaves me having to find a format for the audience to know what is internal and external and who is specifically talking. I wrote that lil fic I shared while sleep-deprived, so it isn't the prettiest-looking format, but it's a format nonetheless, and that helps readers! I recommend having a key or using consistent formatting so readers understand what is happening. 

Secondly, my Shard System dissociates when switching and co-fronting, so I describe the experience as I would an emotion or when a character is using their powers. When you have systems that have characteristics that affect the body and their perception when fronting or in the inner world, it's good to describe it like you would anything else! And if there's something significant about it or it changes depending on what perspective you're writing from, that's just as important as writing feelings or background characteristics! 

Thirdly, systems have characteristics where they have a quirk where they'll write/type/speak in that quirk. For example, my Shard System has a few quirks where Red types in bold (hence why I wrote his dialogue in bold) and has a Spanish accent and a deep voice when fronting and in the inner world. Savage speaks in broken English, so it'll be very prominent when he communicates. Considering the little details about your headmates when writing them in your stories is never bad! Especially when it's a common quirk in systems to have! 

Finishing Thoughts

There is nothing wrong with wanting to learn how to write Plurality or any other marginalized and demonized experience. You're going to make mistakes, and you're going to be a fool the first time you write Plural characters, and hey, it's all a part of the learning process! What matters is that you try and remember to check in to ensure you're not excluding or creating real-life problems in your writing. 

This long-ass answer to your ask or anyone wanting to write about Plurality isn't meant to scare you off or overwhelm you; it's to simply inform you how you can write Plurality to the best of your ability. And like learning to do anything, it takes time and patience. Not everything will make sense right away, and it's expected that your first emotions learning about something you don't understand are fear, anger, and denial. But to grow as a person and as a writer is to tackle those feelings and remember why you're writing these experiences. 

I write about plural characters and experiences because I love Plurality. I love it so much that I just want to express my love through my favorite characters and spend my time learning and consuming content on it. I write plural characters because I care so deeply for the plural community. I am passionate about giving them media and content they can enjoy, where they feel safe, heard, and understood. I write plural characters to destroy the idea that Plurality is something to fear and hide away when systems should take pride and be able to be wholeheartedly themselves. I write plural characters because I choose to. Because I want to. 

Having a reason, no matter how "dumb" or "profound," for wanting to write Plurality is valid and good as long as it doesn't hurt real-life beings. And I am more than ecstatic to hear that you and others may want to write plural characters, even if you're singlet or not! 

It isn't that hard to write once you get the hang of it and the moment you get the basic understanding of the system experiences you're trying to write. But, I want you to know that no matter how hard it gets, how challenging and maybe even overwhelming it may be, your best is enough, and your trying is enough. That doesn't mean you need to stop learning because you're always going to keep learning things until you die, but just know that your best is enough and will always be enough. 

Thank you so much for reaching out, and I hope this long-ass post helped you or you&! I tried my best to cover everything, but if anyone else has anything more to add, feel free! 

Thank you so much for the ask! <3

[glassbxttless]

Hi it is I 🐰 I just watched This Is Where I Leave You and I need to request some things for my boy Phillip. Can I request something where the reader and Phillip have been casually dating for a while but she doesn't want to put labels on things bc she knows about his history of being a player? She expects him to be flakey but he's down so bad for her?

Phillip Altman x f!Reader

Word Count: 1,374

Warnings: reassurance, reader is apprehensive about relationships, relationship trauma, mentions of cheating

Notes: I know that you enjoyed the movie, but I hope you enjoy what I’ve written! Your recent Phillip oneshot, “How This Ends”, is definitely a bit of an inspiration (linked here X). I love you and hope I did this request justice!

There’s a quiet hum drifting through his apartment as you both lie in his bed, unmoving, unbothered by the moonlight threatening to spill between the spaces in the blinds. Phillip’s bare chest is pressed against your back, an arm slipped around your middle and holding you to his body tightly. These nights you spend together seemed like the natural next step in your relationship, but you know how Phillip is. This next step is just the beginning of the end. He’ll get tired of you eventually. Your eyes are open, staring at the wall in front of you. You’re counting Phillip’s breaths quietly, one, two, three, four…

You’ve fallen in love with him. Completely and utterly in love, although you’ve both left it unsaid— and you’re scared. You’re scared to call him your boyfriend. You’re scared that he’d call you his girlfriend. That means something. That means you’re attached to him, and anyone attached to one Phillip Altman gets their heart broken in two. For three months now, you’ve been forcing things to stay as casual as you can, and you still love him; five, six, seven…

His face presses closer to your neck, nose brushing against your shoulder. He breathes in slowly, heavily, pulls you back closer to him. There are so many things you’ve grown to love about him. His laugh, taste in music, the way he’s learned to work through most of his recent trauma. eight, nine… You’ve had your fair share of these relationships, the ones that start out perfect. The ones that he’s trying so hard to get you to fall for him. The ones where you’re so so close to giving your entire heart over to them on a silver platter and they crush it right in your hands. They make you think about your love life over and over, whether you could be potentially happy alone and never have to deal with this heart ache again. But here Phillip is, pressed up against your back trying to prove that he’s somehow different from the rest.

Ten. Phillip’s waking up now, his breathing is different. You can feel the gentle kiss he presses against your shoulder. “go to sleep.” he mumbles, voice rough with sleep. He’s pulling you tighter, his calves brushing yours. “You've gotta work tomorrow.” you listen to his half asleep reminder, the one you wish you could shut your brain off to listen to. How many people has he done this with? How many partners has he said that to? Your heart starts beating faster, tears welling up and threatening to spill. Phillip’s eyes are open now, a soft breath coming from him as he pushes himself up on his other arm to look over at your face. “Sweetheart?”

“Yeah?” your voice cracks. You can’t stand it when he calls you that. Each time pulls you in a little more than you already had been. Each time makes you love him more and just wish that he felt the same.

“What’s going on? you’re crying.” he asks, stating the obvious. A tear does fall down your cheek, and Phillip feels a pang in his heart. “Oh, honey…”

“Stop calling me that.” Your voice has no real malice in it. Not with the way you’re crying. You don’t want to hurt anymore. You don’t want to waste anymore of each other’s time. “Just get it over with… tell me that we’re over and move on to the next one. It’s okay, I’m ready for it.” You don’t meet his eyes. That’ll just make it worse. That will ruin you more than the thoughts would. Especially if you would’ve seen the look of pain on his face.

“What are you talking about?” He asks softly. He reaches out to brush a tear off of your cheek. Phillip starts to think of what could have put you on this, his mind races. He hasn’t been talking to, sleeping with, or seeing anyone else and hasn’t since the moment he first spoke to you. You sealed the deal for him before you even knew his name. “Sweet-”

“Stop it, Phillip.” You snap this time. And Phillip really isn’t sure what’s going on when you’re rolling out of bed, pulling your pajama bottoms back on over your panties. “This… we have to stop this.” You start stammering, looking for words, looking for something to stop the way you’re feeling. “we have to stop this before you find someone else, someone better. I really can’t go through something like that with you. We stop this while we both still have good memories of one another. Okay?” You’re pulling a hoodie over the t-shirt of Phillip’s you had been sleeping in, searching for your keys.

He’s sitting up now, trying to get a grasp on the situation unfolding in front of him. And he’s climbing out of bed, stopping your movements with two strong hands on your arms. “Listen to me.” He says in a soft, but firm tone. “You aren’t leaving right now, it’s the middle of the night. You aren’t going to go through anything like that… Not with me.” His thumbs rub gentle circles on your arms and he smiles sleepily as you look up at him to meet his eyes. “I want you. Everything in my life has changed because of you. The things I want now, I would’ve never wanted until you. What’s it going to take to get you to see that, huh sweetheart?” he asks softly. He watches you shrug your shoulders just a little, which brings a smile to his face. “You hold my whole heart in your hands, babe. There isn’t a single other soul that can say that. You hold Phillip Altman’s heart right in your palms. It’s yours.”

“But-”

“I hope you’re referring to yours.” He smiles at his own lame joke and tilts your chin up just a bit, pulling you towards his body. “I’ve got it bad for you, baby girl. You’re everything I need, breathe, live on. I fucking love you.”

and there’s a silence that draws out between the two of you. He can’t believe he’s said it, he’s never said it in his adult relationships and meant it. But here he is, heart on his sleeve and just hoping he’ll hear it back. His thumb wipes a tear off your cheekbone as you sniffle back a few more. “You love me?”

“I do, and I can’t imagine ever loving anyone else.” His voice is quiet, whispering, but meaning every single word.

“I love you too.” you admit. “and I don’t want to be hurt again… I’m just… scared.” Your hands rest on his shoulders, eyes closing as you lean against him.

“I’m not here to hurt you, sweet pea.”

“You’ve cheated on other women before, Phillip.” you hate to think about it. Hate to imagine what that would do to your heart.

Phillip sighs heavily, “I’d never do that to you. I’ve made mistakes, some really shitty ones. But that’s my past and this is our present, our future.” His arms drop, wrapping around your waist as he holds you in the middle of his bedroom. “and I'll remind you of that everyday. This is our future that I’m changing to make better. I’m changing everyday, my love. Come back to bed? Stay home. Let me show you, my girlfriend, just how much I love you.”

and you fall into his bed again at the word girlfriend, curled up to his chest and listening to him tell stories. You’ve tried so hard to put off labels in your relationship. You didn’t want your heart broken. You didn’t want this to be anything serious at first. And now you’re eating your breakfast and lunch together, you’re eating breakfast and lunch with your boyfriend. He showers with you that evening and reminds you just how beautiful you are. Just how much he loves you. and he doesn’t fuck you, doesn’t make an attempt. But he does undress you, kiss every inch of bare skin— whispers exactly why you have him so fucking drunk on you that it hurts. and he’s so happy to do it. He’s so fucking happy to remind you how much he feels for you.

*

*

@sacklerscumrag @fizzywoohoo @candycanes19 @2000andwhat @mariesackler @wingsoftheangels @themuseic @clydesfavoritegirl @caillea @maybe-your-left @driversmutbucket @tashastrange89 @daughterofaries @cornmousequeen @mrs-kylo-ren @peachyproserpina @mrs-gucci @millenialcatlady @leatherboundbirate @jynzandtonic @paterson-blue @awkward-katiesaur @eagerforhoney @loganluckylover @hedgy-hog @simpin_mama @thepalaceofmelanie @emi11ie @theoncrayjoy

[pogueit]

First Aid Kit

Paring: Pope Heyward x Reader

Summary: You have an accident while attempting to do a new trick and Pope is the man for the job.

Warnings: blood ofc and general first aid stuff nothing too graphic tho!!

WC: 1,994

A/N: There's not enough Pope content!! SO I made some!! Pls enjoy some Pope and Y/N action!

THE GIF IS NOT MINE IT BELONGS TO @rue-bennett !!!!

Saturdays are not meant to be boring, but this scorching afternoon there was nothing to do. John B. went on his weekly date with Sarah, JJ scored a date with a kook he's been eyeing, and Kie was forced to go to a gala on the mainland, so it was just you and Pope alone in the chateau. He had been studying all day for an upcoming chemistry exam he has first thing Monday morning. You tried all day to get his head out of the books, but he was not having any of it. It wasn't until the late afternoon that you got him to go outside with you. Even though his nose was still deep in the piles of notes at least he was outside. You were skating on a horrifically uneven stretch of concrete that was oddly slathered in front of the chateau. Every time he could hear the wheels pop upwards he would snap his eyes to you, cheering you on when you stuck the landing. You were glad that he was far enough away to not be able to see how red your cheeks were. You've had a massive crush on the boy ever since Kie introduced you to the group. Your mom had just moved your ass down to the banks to get a fresh start far away from your poor excuse for a father. She managed to quickly score a job at The Wreck (where you were also forced to work part-time) as head chef. Your mom got on well with the Carrera's who only deemed it appropriate to force their daughter to hang out with you, being new in town and all. Kie wasn’t bothered at all and was glad to have another girl around. After hanging out with her for a single day, you wouldn’t hesitate to take a bullet for her. Kiara didn't introduce you to the knuckleheads right away, since she had taken a liking to you and didn't want to scare you away. The day that she did you remembered Pope had been the last one to say "hey" yet his was the warmest. After that day your stomach would erupt with butterflies whenever you'd even look at him and you would nearly die when your hands would brush against each other in passing. There was just something about him. Maybe it was how he didn't believe in stupid questions, except for JJ's of course, or how he would learn a new subject just to be able to help one of you ace an exam. It could be how the sun sparkled against his wet skin after a long day of swimming or surfing. How relaxed he looks sitting in the driver's seat of the HMS Pogue taking in all that the sun had to offer. You were glad the rest of the crew hadn't caught on yet, especially JB since he's already taken the role as your big brother, even though you're sure that you’re definitely older than him. He would never let you hear the end of it if he knew. The constant pestering, nudging, and side-eyeing would have driven you insane. Your mind slowly drifted back to the boy studying a few feet away from you. The thoughts of those hot summer nights in the cool water with him clouded your brain, so much so you nearly wiped out.

"You good!?" Pope's concerned voice made your head snap in his direction. You knew that the embarrassment on your face was very telling but you just shot him two thumbs up and got back on your board. You shake off any remaining thoughts from your head before attempting your new trick. You were sick and tired of random strangers, but mostly JJ and JB, yelling at you to do a kickflip whenever you were skating. After watching countless videos on kickflips you were basically an expert on them at this point and all you had to do now was actually stick the landing. You slid your right foot to the middle of the board so that your heel was just off the edge while your toes rested in the middle. You shifted your left foot to the tail of the deck and with all the strength you could muster you push down on the tail while your right foot flicked down on the edge of the board. It would have been a spectacular landing if it weren't for the random-ass pebble that your wheel landed on.

"Oh fuck, are you alright!?" Pope was by your side before you even realized you were on the ground. Falling came with the game and you were not fazed at all, since you've had grislier wipeouts than this, but that's before you saw the fountain of blood that poured out of your knee.

"Yeah, I'm fine dude-- I've had-- I need to--The bathroom--" you hobbled quickly into the bathroom at the chateau trying your darndest to not get any blood in the house. By the time you were able to sit down on the toilet, you were seeing stars. Your vision was slowly fading to black and you felt like you were going to vomit. You closed your eyes tightly as you pressed a clump of toilet paper to your knee, which pulled a hiss right from your lungs at the sensation. Promptly, you bit down on your bottom lip to keep yourself from letting out a scream. A light knock came from the door and it couldn't be anyone else but Pope.

"Are you alright in there y/n?" From all the pain you were in you could only hum out a yes as a response, but you knew that would not be a good enough answer for the boy.

"Yeah, just don't--" before you could even finish your sentence he barged in "--open the door, why don't ya". His eyes grew wide at the bloody mess you made in the bathroom, but then quickly softened at the sight of you. Your skin was flushed with developing perspiration clinging to your skin and your lips had gone pale as your lungs suddenly only knew how to hyperventilate.

"Uh, I don’t think it would be in your best interest to say that it looks like a slasher flick was filmed in here" his words made you squeeze your eyes tighter as bloody images flashed before you and it only got harder for you to breathe. Pope stepped inside the rather small bathroom and closed the door behind him. He picked up all the toilet paper you had used for your leg and tossed them into the trash bin before he crouched down next to you.

"Does it still hurt?" His voice was quiet, barely above a whisper, as if you would shatter if he spoke any louder. All you could muster was a tiny nod as the pain took up most of your energy. His hands then gently pried your hands off of your injured knee and inspected it. Since the cut had almost stopped bleeding completely, Pope, was able to see that the wound was deep but not enough for it to garner any stitches and it was free of any debris. Lucky for you because JB had fallen there a couple of weeks ago and Pope had to whip out the tweezers to get all the gravel out of the bloody gash.

"Hey, it's not that bad-- I mean it is bad but it could be worse-- I'm gonna clean it now" the boy got to his feet and helped you sit on the edge of the bathtub with your feet sitting inside the tub. He then washed his hands furiously to avoid infection and gathered all the supplies he needed which consisted of antibacterial soap, antibiotic cream, gauze pads, gauze rolls, and unconditional love and support. Pope helped you undo both your shoes and removed them along with your embarrassing Winnie the Pooh socks. He sat with his legs outside the tub to have easy access to the supplies. After he checked to make sure the water wasn't too hot or too cold Pope moved your leg so your knee was underneath the faucet. The wound's contact with the water wasn't as bad as you thought, but it could’ve been you were distracted by his soothing touches as he held you close to him. Pope was careful not to get any of the soap in the cut just on the surrounding area and when he was finished he made sure to clean the rest of your blood-caked leg up as well. Once you were all cleaned up, he padded your leg dry before he attempted to put ointment on the tender flesh.

"Is it going to hurt?" You squeaked as he retrieved the ointment from the countertop.

"It might sting, but it shouldn't, '' he reassured you, as he brought the ointment-covered q-tip to your knee, but you couldn't help that your knee-jerked away from his touch.

"Ow, fuck!"

"Y/n, I haven't even touched you yet"

"I know, I know, sorry"

"I promise it won't hurt, y/n, and if it does you can punch me or something" even if it did hurt that bad you couldn’t imagine hurting Pope in any way. He once again leaned back in with the q-tip and sure enough, it wasn't painful at all. The ointment soothed the burning sensation of the area which finally allowed you to relax. He then carefully put a gauze pad on the injury, before wrapping your knee securely with gauze. You slid off the edge of the grimy porcelain tub and onto the ground while Pope stood next to the sink and neatly tucked everything back into the first aid kit.

"Uh, thanks--" your words got lost in your throat when your eyes met his warm eyes "--um, dude?" You felt stupid when it came out as a dumbfounded question and the heat quickly rose to your cheeks. If it was any time for you to die you wish it would have happened right then.

"Yeah, any time, y/n" he shot an endearing smile in your direction and you've never wanted to kiss a man so much before in your life.

You both let the awkwardness settle over you. The two of you riddled with hesitancy, but quietly yearned to confess your feelings to one another. He needed to get out of there. Pope gave you a curt nod and a tight smile, but as he headed towards the door there was vacillation in his movements. Before you lost sight of him from the doorway, he turned back around determined.

"Y/N, I gotta--" you were soon on your feet as the last bit of courage you had for your lifetime allowed you to meet him halfway. He didn't bother finishing his sentence as he decided his actions would speak for him. Pope cupped your face in his soft hands and crashed your lips together. The kiss was sweet, sweeter than anything you've ever experienced before. His plump lips gilded confidently over your timid ones. As the fire inside of you diminished your shyness you shifted yourself forward onto your tippy toes to deepen the kiss. Your movements caused you to pin Pope against the bathroom wall and you could feel him smile against your lips. His velvet tongue dragged against your bottom lip for permission to explore you further and you were more than eager to let him.

"Fucking finally!" The familiar voice of the rowdy klepto caught you guys by surprise causing both of you to jump away from each other.

"I guess I'm forty bucks richer, I knew you had it in ya, Pope!" JJ beamed as he walked towards the two of you and you playfully rolled your eyes at the blonde-haired boy.

"Fuck off!" Pope giggled and slammed the door in JJ's face before he turned to face you.

"Now, where were we?"

[sincerely-raine]

Lovesick (Todoroki Shouto x Reader)

love·sick

/ˈləvˌsik/

adjective

in love, or missing the person one loves, so much that one is unable to act normally.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Kinda short, also one of my first 'x reader's)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Almost everybody has a voice, whether they use it or not. Kouda? He uses it to talk to animals. Tokoyami? To communicate with Dark Shadow. And Shouji? He's never been one to talk much, but he likes to converse once in a while.

Todoroki has always been quiet. Even quieter around you. You never understood why. 'Is he shy?' You thought, 'Though he seemed fine talking to the others? Maybe I'm out of his league...he is Endeavor's son after all, and a handsome rich kid too, why would he need a normal person like me in his life to be anymore than just another fan?'

You wouldn't let that get in the way of making new friends. Whether he likes it or not.

But the truth was...your thoughts were completely wrong. Little did you know, his feelings for you were so strong he may as well take the world record for being the biggest lovebird to live.

Everytime you were around, he got so nervous, felt so fuzzy inside, he couldn't bring himself to speak. Caught up in his head, thinking about how beautiful you are, how adorable every expression you made was...how you were so nice towards him, even before the sports festival. He would be so blatantly rude to you, block you off, straight up tell you he didn't need friends, yet you still tried to invade his social life.

You're so persistent, and thoughtful, and understanding...once the sports festival was over...he couldn't stop thinking about you.

How he wished he could speak to you. Everytime you said something, he would just stare into your eyes with an expression so hard to read.

"She probably thinks I'm not interested in her...but how can I show my true feelings when all I can do is stare?" He murmured to himself before sitting up on his bed.

He looked over to a notebook sitting on his desk. That was it! He can write to you! Surely, that'll work!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He sighed once he made it to your dorm. All he needed to do was slide the paper under the door, that was all! 'Who cares if they don't replicate your feelings, right?'

...right?

He was shaken from his thoughts when he saw your door open. You were standing there, 3 inches apart from him, with bedhead and adorable pajamas. Barely even awake.

"Hey, Todoroki," you said ever so quietly with the cutest blush,"Need something?"

...

"Todoroki? Hello? Anyone in there?" you giggled at your own reaction as he just stood there. "Well uh...it was nice playing stand infront of someone's dorm room with you, but I really should brush my teeth now. Gotta stay hygienic! Bye-bye!" he watched as you walked towards the elevator. What was he doing? Who cares. He was so close to you...he could smell your sweet, natural, cotton candy scent. He could almost touch you, hug you, even kiss you.

Wait...the letter! He was supposed to give you that love letter! And you were gone. Well, nothing's stopping him from giving you a late love letter...maybe even checking out your room? No...that's creepy to do that without permission...but it's not creepy if they don't know.....

He reached for the door handle and turned it, opening the door to reveal all the things you love in one dorm.

All the equipment and gear for the sports you love to play, every doodle and sketch you've ever drawn, a twin bed covered with multiple blankets and pillows with your favorite fandoms on them. He looked over to the corner of your bed and saw a journal with a lock on it. Your diary? Maybe so. And you were even foolish enough to leave the key right on your pillow.

He set the letter down and used the key to unlock the diary, and read anything he found interesting. He hoped you wouldn't walk in on him reading your book of secrets.

Over the past 5 minutes, he's already learned so much about you. Your pet cockatiel you had to leave at home to abide dorm rules, your older sister who you missed so much, all your past crushes and friends, and even enemies. And finally he got to the one page he needed to read.

And he read every last word.

"I always wondered why he never talks to me...did I say something? Am I annoying? And why do I have to like him? The one person who doesn't even bother to speak to me. I wish I never had the ability to feel, I know this will end in heartbreak and our relationship being even more awkward than before. It always does.

But I won't stop talking until he makes me. It'll teach both of us something! He'll learn to use his words instead of waiting for someone to use their mind reading quirks and I can work on whatever he tells me to!"

Were you talking about him? Who do you have feelings for?? He didn't know what to think.

He closed and locked your diary, left the letter and closed the door behind him. Walking back to his dorm, he was lost in his thoughts, hoping he'd get answers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"My legs hurt..." you whined, plopping onto the couch. "You'll get used to it!" Mina chimed in,"I always felt that way after playing Dance Dance Revolution but it gave me dancer legs after a while, and cool moves~" you giggled at her once she started doing the strangest dance she could think of.

"Thanks for taking me to the arcade, guys, it really did take my mind off him for a while."

Kaminari sat down next to you,"Don't worry bout it, but hey, if you just mentioned him, doesn't that mean you're thinking bout him right now?"

"Why don't you just ask him what's up?" Kirishima chimed in.

"Yeah, and keep asking over and over until he gives in."

You stood up "Sero, if I do that I'll just annoy him so bad that I'll have an even lesser chance to hook up with him...but thanks for the idea?"

He shrugged in response. "I'm gonna go to bed, sleeping will make Saturday come faster."

"Goodnight!" Uraraka said as you walked by. "G'night, chako."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You opened your door and saw a piece of plain, lined paper sitting in the middle of your bed. "Did I leave this here?"

You gently picked it up and laid down.

"Dear (Y/N),

I'm sorry if I upset you with my silence. I don't mean to leave you hanging all the time. But your presence makes me so flustered, I get lost in your words. I can't even use my own words to talk with you.

You make me lovesick. It's impossible to function as a normal human when you're around.

Everytime I see your sparkling eyes, my heart skips a beat. Everytime I hear soft voice, I feel like I'm listening to music. When I smell your sweet scent, I could faint.

I love you so much it's unhealthy.

Please forgive me for being so rude.

Your secret admirer, Todoroki."

...Love?

......Secret?

Todoroki???

Okay, for one, it's not secret when he tells you his name?

You were so shocked, you were expecting him to confess, but you weren't expecting a love confession! Not that you were mad, you were anything but mad. You didn't think you'd visit the arcade, come back, to try sleep, then get hit with a love letter from the one guy who acts like he hates you! (Even on accident!)

That night, you dreamt of red and white.

Part 2? Maybe? Possibly?

And don't be scared to let me know if I made any mistakes or give me suggestions!

[shego1142]

Hi, um... so I saw your btd and infinity train post and just gotta say, super glad I'm not the only one that thought that! Now that season 3 is officially all out I'm really curious if you've seen it yet and what you thought.

Goes without saying but MAJOR infinity train season 3 spoilers below!

This is also discussing an 18+ horror-porn game which features a lot of gore and other potentially triggering subjects so dni if you are not 18 or older or if gore/murder/etc make you uncomfy!

I just watched the finale. I’m like... in shock?

I mean by no means was or is Simon my fave at all (he just looks a lot like my ultimate comfort character lol) but wow... just... wow

It is a lot different when like... comparing btd with infinity train too tho!

Like, I feel like the entire /point/ of btd is to let your morality go. Like, it’s a horror-porn game.

It’s meant to be like “what up u fucks, being murdered is sexy! Yes Strade daddy kick my fucking head in! Lawrence pls squeeze my actual literal beating heart you weird necrophile”

And meanwhile infinity train is like “we are all just a collection of our actions, we all deserve the chance to redeem ourselves but sometimes we may not be able to due to the trauma we’ve been put through and the finite amount of time we have”

And I personally believe that both of those facets of humanity are okay to explore in fiction. It’s healthy to explore them in fact.

That said like, yea Simon is an asshole but I still liked him. Still think he deserved to redeem himself.

Still think it’s unfair that the train even happened to him at all, because he probably would have been better off at 10 years old with people who could look at him and say “yo, kid, here’s a therapist” instead of him being led by someone who is just as much a scared kid as he is.

Him doing what he’s always been taught to do and suddenly being told it’s wrong... as someone who’s autistic I can tell you that that’s a world shattering circumstance.

Idk if Simon was autistic or not, tbh I was too freaked out by how much he looked like Lawrence to notice much else about him...

Idk personally I liked the finale even if I feel like it wasn’t fair. I like the story even if it ripped me up emotionally, even if it’s making me think about things I wish I weren’t thinking about (like whether or not I’m a good person and whether or not redemption is possible and whether or not somewhere somehow those who couldn’t redeem themselves in this life are able to redeem themselves elsewhere)

I feel hollow after watching the finale, but in a good way.

Yes I would adore beyond all belief to have like, a fic it fic or something that gives Simon a second chance... like idk, maybe he wakes up in the real world from a coma? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And maybe when she gets out (probably very soon) Grace finds him.

But maybe that’s just it. Maybe that’s the end, full stop, he died, he’s gone, he lived a shitty life from ages 10 to what? 16? 18?

Idk... you asked about my thoughts and rn the main thing I’m thinking is just how much I really do hate how the fandom is this big jumbled mess of completely missing the point.

But anyway, yea no I lost my absolute shit when I saw him in season 2

Like I was /obsessed/ because of how freaking much he looked like Lawrence. Still am, bc wow the hair down look was wild too!

Especially with the “he went insane” scene... very Lawrence.

I guess that brings me back around to what I was saying about btd and infinity train being ultimately so different too.

With Lawrence I personally am like “yes my horrible son, you are a bad socially anxious murder boy and your entire purpose is to murder. Continue your murdering. Especially if it’s me or characters I relate to because I’m dealing with some shit and imagining you murdering me helps me deal with it, you funky little weird coping mechanism you.”

With Simon I’m like “You’re an ass. It’s not your fault though. I would be an ass too if I had been taught from age ten to do things the way you were taught to do them. Your actions are horrible and if you had had a fair shot at learning personal responsibility I would argue that you should be held responsible for them. But since you didn’t, since you spent your entire time on the train without growing, staying stagnant and forcing yourself to regress because it’s what you’d been taught was right, what you thought was right, all I can do is pity you. Your purpose was to learn to be a better person and you failed and I’m sorry.”

They’re ultimately very different characters for me despite how similar they are (obviously the way they look exactly alike but they’re also mentally unstable, started killing at a young age, have anger issues, etc)

I adore infinity train, and all its characters honestly. I really do hope there’s some form of closure for Simon but I’m not expecting it either.

Right now I just wish the fandom wasn’t trying to tear apart those who want closure for him. That’s so... outside of the point of the entire show.

Idk this goes a lot into my philosophy on life in general too I think, basically I don’t think there are people who are irredeemable. Not on shows, not in real life. I think there are just people who need help. I think that people deserve to be treated fairly and with respect regardless of what horrible actions they may have committed.

I guess I’m just really irritated rn at how some of the fandom seems to think that it was Simon’s “right and just punishment” that he died.

It wasn’t a punishment. It was just something that happened. People die. It happens. He didn’t die because he was a bad person. At least I don’t think so.

And it doesn’t make me, or any other fans, or Grace, or the apex kids bad people to mourn for him. For his lost opportunities. He was a traumatised child and he’s gone now.

And the ghom? Wasn’t it shown in season one that the ghoms are Amelia’s fault anyway?

Personally I think the entire point of the train is to work out your problems, full stop.

I think the only way someone is /meant/ to be able to die from the train is to die of old age.

The ghoms are accidental. They’re the product of someone else’s actions.

And sometimes we fall prey to that. And I think it’s okay to look at that and say “well that’s not fair.”

Because it isn’t.

I don’t know if Simon could have gotten better. Maybe he could have?

In the scene where he loses his sanity there for a moment he really did show signs of immense remorse and even confusion.

But honestly? Even if he wasn’t able to get better he didn’t deserve to die. And it disturbs me that a lot of peeps seem to think he did.

Anyway sorry this turned into a bit more of a rant than I meant for it to!!! >~<

Like I said I /just/ watched it!

But yea as far as Simon Laurent looking like Lawrence goes, I’m still a bit freaked out by that. The amount of times I’ve gone to write “Lawrence” instead of Simon in this post is way to high lol!

Personally I wanna know how gato feels about him honestly! Like she’s Lawrence’s creator and Simon really does seem like such a nod to her character!

Thanks for the ask, I got to vent a good bit! Idk if this is the convo you wanted from me tho lol :P

[bigskydreaming]

Hi! I'm new to your blog but found a few posts that were about a JayTom ship, and I was wondering who Tom was? And also you've mentioned in a couple of posts the idea of Jason having a lineup of Titans in his age range and you talked about the Ray and Damage in one. Do you have a whole lineup in mind for them and if so, is there a post on that somewhere?

LOL man, I really need to start pulling all my posts about JayTom and Jay’s lineup of Titans together for some kind of a masterlist, so thanks for the reminder haha. Like, I saw this ask and thought of various posts to point you towards but ugh, I don’t know where any of them are.

Anyway, so. The Tom of JayTom. Aka my ideal ship for Robin!Jason in the series of one-shots about an AU where Jason doesn’t go to Ethiopia in ADITF and thus never dies, that’s kinda grown out of that of a one-shot I started as a writing commission a couple months ago, if anyone else remembers that….the one that was like ‘what if Jason called Dick after the Garzonas incident and Dick sided with Jason’…that one. 

Which then snowballed into ‘well, then I could give Jason his own lineup of Titans who are in the same age range as like a younger gen learning from Dick’s generations of Titans but still older than Tim’s generation of YJ and then eventual Titans.’

Sigh. Oh, me. Right! So! Anyway! Tom in JayTom is Thomas Bronson, the son of JSA member Ted Grant, aka Wildcat. 

Tom and Jason have never ever interacted in canon as far as I know, as I don’t think Tom’s ever appeared outside of JSA and Jason never appeared in that book either before or after his death. BUT by the magic of winging it and Canon Has Not Definitively Contradicted Me, I think the two of them are feasibly in the same age range, so I’m going with them both being fifteen when they meet here.

Tom’s a scrappy, street smart, attitude throwing teenager with daddy issues of his own, lol, thanks to Ted’s general non-existence in his life, for most of it….and he’s also tiny, like, 5′6″ and 135 lbs even at the end of his teenage years. LMAO, I honestly don’t remember, but I think that might be the whole basis of this ship for me, or where it originated. Like, I happened across Tom’s stats as listed on one of the DC wiki sites, and was like, lol oh, he and Robin!Jason could be pint-sized punks together! And then from there, I had the inevitable thought “okay but now make them gay” and then from there I fell into my usual trap of “oh no, it was supposed to be a joke but now I’m taking it seriously and seriously pondering how it could seriously work.”

And then from there it consumed my brain and devoured my life. I swear, it was Dick/Kyle all over again. Ugh, my brain is so problematic.

So anyway, this is Tom:

He’s a werepanther, he can shapeshift into a panther form to fight, which brings up an interesting facet of his character and something I think could be really fun to play off Jason and his own issues…because Tom hates fighting. HATES it. Will run from a fight at any given opportunity rather than engage….but its not because he’s a coward, or doesn’t have heroic instincts of his own, and its not even because he’s not GOOD at fighting.

Its that he’s scared of himself, and scared of hurting whoever he’s fighting…at least more than he means to. Because he has trouble controlling his shift when in fights. His panther form just comes out in response to his own amped up levels of aggression. The fight or flight response for him is actually more like “flight or turn into a raging whirlwind of clawed and fanged fury that can’t stop won’t stop until he’s definitively won his fight….which by extension, usually means his opponent is currently bleeding out on the ground from a few dozen deep claw marks because Panther!Tom’s claws and fangs are SHARP.”

Now pair this fear of his own power with Tom’s natural belligerence and problems with authority at certain points in his life, AND his desire to follow in his hero father’s footsteps as well as his resentment and giving himself grief every time he realizes he even has that desire, because he doesn’t owe his deadbeat dad shit and can’t stand that he nevertheless admires him in a lot of ways and still feels a desire to prove himself to him…

Then pair him up with Jason during his Robin years, going through similar issues and emotions as well as a comparable dynamic with Bruce as him not dying in Ethiopia nevertheless changes nothing about the two of them likely clashing more and more over their views on how to deal with criminals and the appropriate levels of aggression when dealing with them….

And that right there, IMO, is super strong potential for a dynamic couple with a lot in common and yet occasional clashes of their own due to different opinions on which direction to go in so as to address those shared issues…but who likely would never hesitate for a second before backing each other up and presenting a united front against anyone else who tried to give one or the other shit for any reason whatsoever.

Also, I have vastly amused myself with the thought (and the occasional post here and there) of Ted and Bruce continually glowering at each other and blaming each other’s son for being a bad influence on their son, who has never done anything wrong in their life ever, CLEARLY (even if Bruce had actually just grounded Jason the day before. Whatever. Ted doesn’t need to know that).

Anyway, so that’s the JayTom I reference now and then. I’ve always maintained that Jason could really benefit from having a stronger support system of friends distinct to him and not sharing similar dynamics with any of his siblings, so then I was like, well if Jay doesn’t die, and I have him and Dick closer in this AU than they’re usually written as being, plausibly Jason would spend a lot of time at the Tower to get away from Bruce and his own fights with him. 

With Dick being more than able to relate to trouble dealing with Bruce and thus happy to lend a sympathetic ear….and eventually maybe express to Bruce that it might do them both some good for Jason to make more friends his own age and have some normal routines that took him out of the house and Gotham enough that he and Bruce don’t constantly feel like they’re breathing down each other’s necks and keeping tension a constant thing between them. A little space now and then could benefit them both, give them chances to cool off after their fights and actually MISS each other before readdressing the issues.

So then I could see the Titans kinda sending out invitations/recruiting various teen heroes around Jason’s age that they’d all maybe had their eyes on for awhile as kids who could benefit from the same kind of team unity/group support that helped them so much when they were that age just a few years ago themselves.

Which leads me to where I am now which is….I still haven’t settled on a solid lineup, because I came up with too many choices, lol. Basically, my parameters were I wanted characters who could feasibly be said to be in the same age range as Jason and Tom, and didn’t have super strong associations with any other characters that would create any kind of conflict with them being on a Titans team at this point in the timeline instead. And because I’m all about my thematics, I wanted them all to have certain root issues in common that they could all bond over and actually, y’know, support each other with and through. 

(The same way I think Dick’s generation of Titans actually has certain distinct themes and issues that almost all of them share and can relate to in varying ways, which I think has a lot to do with how quickly and fully they all bonded and why they created such lasting friendships and teams between them. But that’s a whole other post, lol.)

So the central shared issues I decided to focus on for Jason’s age group of Titans were: teen/young heroes from abusive homes or runaways, ones with issues and fears stemming from and regarding their own powers or tempers, etc, and misfits who were regarded warily by other or older heroes and considered potentially able to end up on either side of the hero/villain line in the sand.

Which Dick’s generation of Titans, which of course includes Raven, Kory, etc, would not be in agreement with that last part, and thus be all the more likely to recruit these specific teen heroes and be like nyah, nyah, watch how with our help and oh yeah, SUPPORT, they all become the best damn heroes that ever did heroically hero. Suck it, JLA-holes!

(And then Donna would be like, not you Diana, you know we’re cool, its just I gotta do the team solidarity thing and Dick, Garth and Roy are still being Displeased with their mentors/dads at the moment, and also we’re all kinda ticked you guys stole Wally. Btw, we’re stealing the new Green Lantern kid, because Revenge and stuff. He’s ours now, you snooze, you lose).

 So, Jason’s lineup of Titans will consist of some of the following, I’m just not 100% sure which yet, because I have to whittle down the list.

1) Jason (nominally mentored by Dick, but the latter just calls it an excuse for brother bonding time and neither of them make much reference ever to having any kind of actual mentor/protégé relationship like I see the rest of Jay’s lineup having. Plus, Jason unique from the rest already has a mentor in Bruce anyway, so his situation and reasons for being part of this team aren’t quite the same from the others, especially as one of my reasons for this AU was always addressing the issues I have with Bruce’s parenting before the canon event point of Jason’s death, and like…..so like, Bruce does get better once Dick calls out some of his shit with Jason based on his own experiences with Bruce and then later Jason returns the favor by calling out Bruce for taking Dick for granted and no longer putting in the same effort connecting with his eldest and being an actual PARENT to him like he used to).

2) Tom Bronson/Tomcat (who else would act as his personal mentor other than Gar aka Beast Boy aka Changeling, the shapeshifter extraordinaire?)

3) Grant Emerson/Damage (recruited by Roy and his personal protégéand likely BFFs with Jason IMO, as I think their temperaments are complete opposites but Grant’s the kind of kid who would roll his eyes and dolefully follow his troublemaking best friend Jay into likely danger, because his power to blow things up really comes in handy with the kind of scrapes Jason gets himself into and this in turn is a really handy thing to point out in the aftermath of pulling Jason’s butt out of a scrape and then gloating but in the totally mature and “I’m much too nice to actually be gloating, you must be mistaken about what’s happening here” manner in which I see that going down. And in terms of the parameters I mentioned, Grant grew up bounced around abusive foster homes, is watched like a hawk by various groups and heroes because of the huge catastrophic potential of his powers, which he has his own fears about, and also he has no idea who his parents are either, and I imagine him and Jason going on a ‘find out who our real parents are roadtrip’ after graduation or something).

4) Ray Terrill/The Ray (potentially recruited by Kory and her personal protégé. He was briefly a member of Tim’s Young Justice team, but part of the reason he was never that close with the other members was he was a little bit older, just a couple years or so, but enough to put him squarely in Jason’s age range. Also comes from an abusive home, and spent the majority of his childhood living in complete darkness because his asshole uncle told him he had the same powers as his father which meant sunlight would be harmful to him and make him dangerous to be around. When in reality, like his dad, Ray’s powers are fueled by sunlight and he’s like a living solar battery, keeping him afraid to leave the dark was just meant to keep him passive and powerless. Even knowing his uncle lied now, Ray still has long had fears about his own powers, unable to totally shake the fears his uncle instilled in him).

5) Todd Rice/Obsidian (potentially recruited by Raven and her personal protégé. He and his twin sister Jenny-Lynn Hayden are probably a bit older than the rest of this team, but their ages aren’t definitively linked to any points in the DC timeline, so there’s no real conflict between handwaving them as aged down to be right around the same ages as the others. Todd and Jenny-Lynn are the twin children of original Green Lantern Alan Scott aka Sentinel, and the DC villainness Thorn. They grew up in separate foster homes though with Alan unaware of their existence for most of their childhoods. Todd’s childhood was notoriously rough, with him having several abusive foster parents. He’s canonically gay and mentally ill/neurodivergent, which several of his foster homes targeted him for. In addition, his shadow powers are tied to a dark dimension that’s said to prey on his mental state and led to occasional times where he’s been a villain briefly, and at all times his powers are regarded fearfully by most people and with him shunned and avoided because of them. All of which I think makes Raven an ideal mentor for him).

6) Jenny-Lynn Hayden/Jade (Todd’s twin sister, even though they didn’t grow up together for the most part. Honestly, she doesn’t share in a lot of the issues the rest of the team prospects do, and had a relatively good childhood before her powers developed and she found her brother and they started operating as heroes together. But upon learning who her brother and dad are, she’s always been committed to growing closer with them, so I think anywhere Todd goes in this AU, she’d definitely follow, and its not like the team can’t benefit from a heavy hitter like her, let alone more girls. Not totally sure who I picture as most mentoring her in specific, probably because I don’t see her as being recruited per se, so much as just going with Todd when recruited….but I’m thinking maybe Garth, actually. Garth has a lot of range and versatility with his powers and magic, which makes him ideal for mentoring someone who not only has the same powers as a Green Lantern, limited only by her imagination…..but who also might benefit from being mentored by someone who ISN’T a Green Lantern because she doesn’t share their traditional weaknesses and thus she’d be best off training with someone whose own techniques and instincts aren’t geared around weaknesses that are literally irrelevant to her powerset).

7) Courtney Mason/Anima (A metahuman runaway who was almost sacrificed by a cult before her powers kicked in….she’s also right in the same age range as Ray, Grant and Jason, and has briefly been a member of a couple Titans lineups but never for long and usually only for big event stories. But she fits the runaway/rough home environment parameter as well as fear of her own powers….she absorbs life energy from people and animals and can potentially kill them by draining too much. She also has a separate power that’s basically a connection to an other-dimensional spirit called the Animus that she can summon forth and unleash on her enemies. I’m thinking she’d make a good recruit/protégé for Jericho actually, for a number of reasons).

8) Cynthia Reynolds/Fantasia (? Maybe? Not sure yet. Not her actual codename, but her actual codename is a slur, so I’m def gonna make up a new one, I just haven’t 100% settled on what it is yet. Suck it, DC. She’s most known for being a member of Justice League Detroit along with Steel, Vibe and the Ray, but she’s the right age range to end up recruited to be a Titan here instead, like Ray. Also is a runaway from an abusive home, and often deals with mistrust and suspicion due to her illusion powers. Perfect recruit/protégé for Lilith, IMO).

9) Cisco Ramone/Vibe (Also created as a teenage hero to be part of the Justice League Detroit lineup, which makes him the right age range and he’s another runaway. The nature of his powers makes him a good fit to be a recruit/protégéof Mal Duncan/Herald).

10) Amy Allen/Bombshell (Totally self-indulgent on my part given that I basically would ignore the vast majority of her storylines and writing, which I think suck. She was in the Titans stories revolving around Tim’s generation of the team, but she was always stated to be a few years older than the rest, like in her late teens when the majority were probably sixteen, so I think she’s a good fit for this age range. Also had a crappy home life and parents, and her powers are hugely destructive in certain applications…she basically has the same powerset as Captain Atom, though she’s never had any kind of official mentor or sidekick relationship with him. Also, I think Captain Atom is an asshat and a dillhole and he sucks, but I do like his powers, so reinterpreting Amy as a character who doesn’t suck and playing around with her powers instead is solid decision making on my part and renders Captain Atom irrelevant now. I think I shall kill him. Because I can do that. Anyway, I think she doesn’t need him as a mentor but could make a good recruit/protégé for Leonid/Red Star).

11) Carla Moretti/Cinder (Odd choice, given that she’s only ever really been used as a villainous member of Deathstroke’s anti-Titans team and was easily in her twenties at the time. Pyrokinetic who happily makes bonfires out of her enemies but written with zero attempts at nuance, like a total one note villain framed as having long since abandoned her own humanity….which bugged the crap out of me, as she was given a super angsty backstory of childhood sexual abuse and that’s just ‘why she’s like this’ and I have a deep seeded loathing for asshole writers writing survivors as villains and just blaming their casual homicidal ways on their abuse while serving up said villains to just be punching bags or dominoes for the heroes to knock down on their way to the Boss Fight. So I do have inclinations towards making an actual Titan out of her, like with Amy, because surprise surprise, both these characters being written shittily and one note was the work of the same writer, shocking. So I’d just handwave her down to the right age range and have her recruited/mentored by Donna, probably…more due to me thinking Donna would be the best person to help her deal with stuff because she’s mastered the art of avoiding avoidance via having Dick Grayson as a BFF. So with them its not really because Carla needs mentoring with her powers specifically. Idk, Carla anyway you slice it I think has a lot of rage, and Donna knows what to do with that. Written right, Donna’s not a character who judges or shames a victim or survivor for being angry…she gets angry with them, and helps them find options for what to do with that now.) 

12) Hero Cruz (Lesser known Titan, has a device called the Dial H device that lets him turn into a different hero with different powers depending on the setting he puts it on. Basically Ben 10, but Hero came first. Doesn’t really fit most of the parameters, other than being around the right age range, and not even sure who would make a good mentor for him though I wanna say Vic, but not totally decided yet. Mostly I just like him and think he’s underused, so whatever).

There’s also a few other candidates that I have mostly ruled out but not totally. I thought about using the aged up version of Chris Kent, and just introduce him earlier than he showed up in canon. And then Kara/Supergirl could be his mentor because I kinda handwave her into Dick’s generation of Titans anyway, even though it was the alien Matrix version of Linda Danvers that was the only Supergirl ever on the team. Whatever. She should have been a Titan all along anyway. But also Chris would fit the team well as he had an abusive childhood as well, at his dad General Zod’s hands, and again, I just like the character. 

Thought of including Virgil Hawkins/Static too, even though I think he’s closer to Tim’s age range. And again, just another character I’m a fan of and think is underused, but he would definitely be an odd man out in this group because like….he comes from a happy, healthy, loving home and family, and he loves his powers. So he would constantly be just like nodding his head along while his teammates talk and like ugh that sucks, but 10/10 absolutely can not relate, my parents are awesome.  Same with Natasha Irons/Steel, who really would have to be handwaved to even be in the right age range, and again has a happy loving home environment and a superhero uncle of her own so its not like she needs a Titan mentor…..but I kinda wanna see Karen Beecher/Bumblebee take her under her wing anyway, and have them be science nerds together.

Also pretty much the only reason I ruled out Connor Hawke too, as he doesn’t really match the rest of the team in any of the parameters except for feasibly being right at the upper edge of the same age range. But again, I just love the character. 

So I’m probably gonna end up throwing at least one of these other characters in there anyway, lol. I do know myself).

Anyway. So that’s Jason’s lineup of Titans, or at least the candidates as they exist bouncing around in my head now. Also, they’re pretty much Team “Everyone is Gay Except For When They’re Bi.” Which, granted, is basically how I view Dick’s generation of Titans, but with them I have to be like Make It So, in my brain, whereas with this group like….canon’s actually done the work for me for the most part lol. Ray is gay, Todd Rice is gay, Courtney is bi, Hero is gay. And I can’t actually find anything confirmed Tom was stated to be gay somewhere in canon, but I SWEAR he was, like, ugh this is bugging me.

But anyway. That’s that about all of that.

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: I need a favour Jimmy: And the scale is what? Like a kidney or a 🚬? Janis: don't need anything off you but a lie Janis: so standard, yeah Jimmy: go on Janis: if any of my family ask, and it'll probably be Grace Janis: can you tell 'em I'm at yours, yeah Janis: they won't come over or anything cringe Jimmy: Alright Janis: sure? Janis: cool Janis: I owe you Jimmy: Standard, you said it Jimmy: meant to be with me #always Janis: you get I mean like, until further notice, right Janis: if I'm gone too long and they get aggro, just tell 'em I've gone but yeah, long as you can Jimmy: I weren't reckoning you were nipping out to get a coffee at one of my rival's Jimmy: even Gracie ain't that on one Janis: not that loyal either, sorry to report Jimmy: 💔 Janis: tell her how devvo you are, make her life Jimmy: gonna have to if you leave the fans in a content draught Jimmy: how would I ever cope with becoming #irrelevant Janis: despite the fact that's exactly what you're after, supposedly Janis: and I'm there, remember, content as usually Janis: use your artiste imagination Jimmy: Now I've gotta do all the faking myself Jimmy: what kind of girlfriend Janis: I said I owed you Janis: now you get it Jimmy: You'll more than owe me when I have to seriously draft your sister in as your stand in Janis: don't Jimmy: Too many white redheads in this town Janis: I'm serious dickhead Janis: don't get with my sister Jimmy: It weren't a serious consideration Jimmy: literally no point to this if I were gonna Janis: yeah well I don't ask your reasons you don't ask mine Janis: might've changed Jimmy: not that fucking hard they won't have Jimmy: you got the lobotomy not me Janis: alright alright Janis: ���� Janis: just can't stand to see her happy, yeah Jimmy: can't stand to see her, tah Janis: my sentiments exactly Jimmy: Better come back in a bit then Jimmy: so you won't have to see me with her Janis: 😑 stop it Jimmy: What? Janis: putting that mental image in my head Jimmy: I mean, dickhead, are you alright or what? Janis: ain't gonna off myself Janis: not that cunt, I wouldn't put that on you Jimmy: not what I asked Janis: idk how to answer that Janis: don't see the point in lying but not asking this favour of ya as no cry for help Janis: alright, nothing I can't handle Jimmy: very comforting that Janis: you shouldn't of asked Janis: nothing you can do either, don't worry Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: 'course there is Janis: fake boyfriend chivalry is cute and all Jimmy: I know but stop flirting with me and you can be here instead of just saying you are Janis: 1. no one is flirting with you Janis: 2. can't sleep in your shed Jimmy: don't be a twat Jimmy: [tells her where there is a front door key] Janis: what will your dad reckon Janis: don't you need to ask Jimmy: He ain't in Janis: yeah but I told you I need more than a coffee break Jimmy: Yeah, so you can have my room Janis: alright Janis: just 'til you get back tonight Jimmy: Til whenever Jimmy: I'll go in my brother's Janis: nah, I ain't gonna put you out Janis: I appreciate it though Jimmy: You ain't Jimmy: but alright Janis: come off it Jimmy: you Janis: what? Jimmy: I get that you scare easy, rich girl, but I'm the only 👻 round my house Janis: I ain't scared Janis: least of all of your gaff Jimmy: stick around then Janis: they been in today? Jimmy: what do you reckon? Janis: they clearly don't give a fuck Janis: idk what would it take for them to piss off, that's the truth Janis: if I knew well Jimmy: sure I could do it Janis: like the optimism Jimmy: full of it, me Jimmy: 🌞 Janis: don't make me laugh Janis: 🌚 me Jimmy: there's no universe we ain't starcrossed 💔🎻 Janis: actually a tragedy Janis: I'll put it in my note Janis: f u god Jimmy: I'll post it for you, babe Janis: that's real romance Janis: 😩🤤😍 Janis: makes a girl wanna stick around Jimmy: and I ain't even said how much I'd miss you yet Janis: do I get a preview or have I gotta die for the 💕 Jimmy: Depends Janis: on? Jimmy: Do you want me or do you wanna die? Janis: that's a big question Jimmy: I've got a big 💕 Janis: baby Jimmy: 😘 Janis: give me a night Janis: yeah Janis: then I can work out what next Jimmy: Take a night Jimmy: It's alright, I said Janis: don't wanna owe you too much Jimmy: So scared, you Janis: 😠 Jimmy: well cute Janis: I may owe ya Janis: but I will punch you Jimmy: I ain't scared, only you Janis: should be Janis: I have your keys Jimmy: I don't have a car for you to fuck up with them Jimmy: and there ain't fuck all for you to steal Jimmy: just a 🐕 Janis: you reckon I'm such a 🐰boiler Janis: should be worried for that poor pup Jimmy: that's your sister Janis: see, not a good replacement Jimmy: never said she were Janis: hmm Jimmy: Less need for a filter, like Jimmy: that's what I said Janis: you see her in person ain't ya Janis: every need for the filter, thanks Jimmy: 👩🏽 🤳🏽 Jimmy: what I'm bothered about Janis: we ain't identical Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: Stop misunderstanding me, dickhead Janis: stop comparing me to her Janis: bad idea Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: such hard work, you Janis: you signed up for it Janis: and invited me over Janis: you must be cracked Jimmy: Do you wanna be uninvited or what? Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: believe that when I don't hear it Janis: bollocks Janis: I never speak Janis: complained as much before Jimmy: I change my mind, you've complained before about that, mate Janis: just so unpredictable, babe Jimmy: 😎🚬 Janis: stop flirting with me Jimmy: you signed up for it Janis: true Janis: that's my answer Jimmy: [does some extra post about how much he misses her] Janis: pretty good, mate Jimmy: 🏆💪 Janis: you want me to walk this dog Jimmy: such an athlete 💕 Janis: you know it Janis: counts towards my IOU? Janis: like 25% maybe? Jimmy: Piss off Janis: worth a shot Jimmy: next time hit the 🎯 Janis: damn Janis: tough love Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Janis: so hot Jimmy: I know Janis: that's how your shifts going then Jimmy: when don't it? Jimmy: 😎🚬☕💰💰💰 Janis: new bio Jimmy: it'll be a big hit on tinder Janis: probably just do the last 3 Jimmy: can't rip off your bio, bit rude Janis: feel free Janis: goals! Jimmy: We that type of couple, yeah? Janis: #lookingforathird Jimmy: don't tell 💀👑 though Janis: I'm not going to jail if she pegs it in the sack, fuck that Jimmy: I'd break you out, baby 💕 Janis: why are YOU not going to jail too Janis: admitting you ain't pulling your weight 😏 Jimmy: They'll deport me back to Manchester #duh Janis: ugh, can't fake ldr Jimmy: you'll have to come with when I rescue you then Janis: works for me Janis: get out of here after-all Jimmy: 👍 Janis: have to let me tag-along 'til I learn the language tho Jimmy: fuck that, I'll crack on teaching you when I get back in a bit Janis: challenge accepted Jimmy: [okay but hear me out, what if she lowkey just stayed at his on and off the whole time] Jimmy: shouldn't be no challenge for a 🧠 or 👅 like yours, Judith Janis: [legit for her running away vibe that she would so I buy it tbh] Janis: I didn't wanna disrespect your culture Janis: being polite, like Jimmy: What culture and what decent manners? 😏 Janis: I'm catching on Janis: get me a flatcap wearing pipe smoking man in no time Jimmy: Ian is bound to show his face eventually, being my dad and the one on the lease an' all Jimmy: crack on Janis: assuming he don't wanna head back north though Janis: unless he's on the run Jimmy: he don't Jimmy: 💔 for you Janis: population ain't that low Jimmy: your chances ain't that high Jimmy: grim up there, ain't you heard? Janis: and I ain't Janis: queen of the north, bitch, watch me Jimmy: won't be there to 👀 you binned me off Janis: you Janis: teaching me northern now so you can ditch me then Jimmy: you Jimmy: 'cause you wanna chain a pipe with some 👴💕 Janis: your type, first of all Janis: so welcome for me being so accomodating about the type of third we want Jimmy: hot's hot, babe Jimmy: can't fight it Janis: 😂 Janis: then don't Jimmy: Alright Janis: good Janis: sorted Jimmy: all in a day's work Janis: mhmm Janis: tip you later Jimmy: if anyone else said that they'd be out on their ear, you know Janis: I'm special, you know Jimmy: Me and everyone who follows me 💕 Janis: I get it Janis: you want a post too Janis: hold up Janis: [some post about waiting for him to come back and a selfie on his bed like hey] Jimmy: well done for finding the right bed Janis: tnat could've been awkward Janis: where does your da sleep, actually Jimmy: garage Janis: ahh Jimmy: not in a car, like Janis: 💔 shame Jimmy: for his birds, yeah Jimmy: can't drive themselves away now Janis: 😬 Janis: who am i meant to be Janis: btw Janis: if I bump into the man Jimmy: What kind of question is that? Janis: idk, a valid one? Jimmy: Why ain't you who you always are? Jimmy: a more valid one that Janis: I meant more like, do you have your fam or your socials or no Janis: am I your fake girlfriend to them or just a mate, like Jimmy: can't keep them off Jimmy: must be my 🥇 content Janis: who could resist Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: [sends a 🔥 sext cos #mood after what she posted] Jimmy: treat your followers, mate Janis: 😏 Janis: too kind Jimmy: it's been said Janis: should run a hotline in your spare time Janis: 💰💰💰 Jimmy: How do you know I don't? Jimmy: other than the state of my room Janis: yeah aside from that Janis: literally that special, obvs mate Jimmy: Gotta keep you in 🚬 Jimmy: might bankrupt a lesser lad Janis: psh, I ain't the one with the habit Janis: and why I picked you, babe 😘 Jimmy: of all the bollocks to fake, Jasmine Janis: what Jimmy: I've 👀 yous and 👂 about the pipe you crave Jimmy: can't fool me Janis: 1. filth Janis: 2. very in to be a social smoker, just playing along with what they'd do Jimmy: 1. you better not be filthy in my bed Jimmy: 2. I'll pick you up a vape pen on my way home, yeah? Janis: 1. I'm not gonna hot box your room, better house guest than that, just Janis: 2. if you want me to peg you, just ask Jimmy: 1. Free house law, wouldn't be nowt I could do Jimmy: 2. sure that'd be very #goals but you're alright Janis: 1. see, you want me to really, perv Janis: 2. leave it at the smoke shack then, boy Jimmy: 1. you wanna really Jimmy: 2. what kind of boyfriend if I don't bring you 🎁 Janis: 1. even if I did, get what you said about this dog, won't leave me alone, what's it called? Janis: 2. bring me a ☕ Jimmy: 1. Too late to call her Mia or? Jimmy: 2. What do you actually want then? Janis: 1. 😂 no the 🐶 is too cute for that don't be mean Janis: 2. idk, what kind of smoothies do you do, something like that Jimmy: 1. You're right, she ain't half starved Jimmy: 2. 👍 Janis: 1. have to call RSPCA on you, not #goals Janis: 2. tah Jimmy: Be a quality break up story that Janis: shelf it for later Janis: no dogs actually harmed though, tah Janis: not co-signing that Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: fine Janis: you got a brother and a sister, right? Jimmy: You had a nose around my house or my 📷 IG? Janis: found the right bed on my 2nd attempt Janis: and pretty sure you've mentioned them Janis: but yeah, what kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't stalk all your socials Jimmy: A sane one Jimmy: yet to have one of them so crack on Janis: if I was sane they'd call me a nun Janis: gotta play to the audience Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: for you Janis: find one one day Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: cute Jimmy: I am, yeah Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: convincing denial, babe Janis: get it, you want me to tell you how cute you ain't, that's your kink Janis: busy though Jimmy: I don't want you to tell me what you're busy with in my bed though, tah Janis: walking this dog Janis: or getting it ready to Janis: idiot Jimmy: Don't bother, it's alright Janis: may as well, no Jimmy: If you want a 🥇 over my sister whose job it is Janis: oh will she be pissed off Janis: can always have 2 walks Jimmy: cute Jimmy: scared of her an' all? Janis: yeah obvs Janis: just trying not to be a dick to your fam and all Janis: they ain't done nothing to me Jimmy: Yet Jimmy: she could take you in a scrap, mate Janis: alright doubt that Janis: not gonna fight a child either you dick Jimmy: 🙀 you Janis: ain't you got hipsters and basic white girls to serve Jimmy: but my 1st priority is always you, girl 💕 Janis: thrilled about that, obvs Jimmy: I know Janis: feel the love Jimmy: 😘 Janis: you sure you wanna give up your bed Janis: I got places I can go Jimmy: I get it, it don't have a princess canopy Jimmy: you'll live Janis: but will I sleep Jimmy: alright you can borrow my 😎 Jimmy: stop begging Janis: 😂 Janis: and I ain't begging, let's get that clear Janis: told you, got options Jimmy: and I told you, alright Jimmy: you can calm down now, my dear Jimmy: the better option is you 📷🐕💕 Janis: just saying, don't make me feel more like a cunt than I already do Janis: but obvs Janis: suckers for cuteness every time Jimmy: Leave it, I'll live too Jimmy: just don't lose the 🔑 that's our Cass' job an' all Janis: 🤞 Jimmy: #whenshedon'twantyouto💀💀💀 Janis: 💕 Janis: wait 'til I've worked on your old man so I've got an in, like Jimmy: he'll give you an alibi for 🔪🔪💀💀 long as it's only me Janis: that's the lowdown on them then Janis: what about your brother, he gonna come for me too? Jimmy: Depends, you got it in you to piss off a 6 year old or not? Janis: don't really do kids Janis: can't be as annoying as the ones I know though, not related to me for a start Jimmy: Related to me though 😏 Jimmy: just admit you 💕 me, babe Janis: shut up Janis: I'm related to my siblings and I'm great Janis: poor kid stands a chance Jimmy: He's related to Ian, no he don't Janis: bummer Janis: take him with when you get deported? Jimmy: quickest way to get arrested again that Jimmy: use your big head Janis: pretend he's yours Janis: who'd know Jimmy: Piss off I'm northern not a paddy Janis: alright and your ex ain't got a kid nah Jimmy: that's a 👶 not a kid Janis: true Janis: yeah 9 might be insane Janis: can you grow bum fluff, age yourself up before the 🚬 do Jimmy: I dunno Janis: tell him he's like 4 Janis: buy you as 18, sorted Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: that your way of telling me you wanna go pub in a bit then? Janis: duh Janis: i am part paddy Jimmy: How big's the % Jimmy: might be a dealbreaker Janis: 50% Janis: 25% scouse 25% brazilian Jimmy: Made you do maths in the holidays 😏 Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: *😎 Jimmy: *👻 an all Jimmy: any chance you can say you're 💀💀💀 so I can leave? Janis: well my irish fam ain't even from this part of ireland but keep that to yourself 🤐 already got the ropes out, like Janis: only so many funerals I can have but sure Jimmy: I'll keep your real kinks to myself too Jimmy: put the ropes away though you'll wind up the 🐕 Janis: 💕 Janis: boo, no fun Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: Best fake boyfriend you've ever had, sweetheart Janis: competition of one but 🏆 Janis: there you are Jimmy: tah Janis: fake win for a fake boy Janis: only right Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: about to pull a fake sickie, me Janis: that is actual smart though so Jimmy: and you owe me some fake nursing Jimmy: might as well cash in Janis: yeah? Jimmy: send me one of the nudes 💀👑 has sent you so I can 🤢 Janis: 😂 Janis: just don't leak 'em Janis: for my eyes only, obvs 🙄 Jimmy: I promise Janis: [sends her the latest god knows what Mia has been sending for the lols] Jimmy: she's Janis: in love with me? Janis: yeah Janis: don't be threatened Jimmy: but my fragile masculinity though! 😱😱😱 Janis: I'll nurse it better baby Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: put the outfit on, I'll be there in a bit Janis: 😏 Janis: alright Jimmy: 😘 Jimmy: [is there when she gets back from walking Twix because it was a long walk and he's a sneaky speedy mofo] Janis: ['fancy seeing you here' 🤓] Jimmy: [hands her the smoothie he's made specially] Janis: [is doing a #skeptical face but changes it to a 'not bad' when she tries it] Jimmy: [gives her a look like go on then, tell me what's wrong with it but goes to put kettle on for his self #northern] Janis: ['ain't just resident eye candy then, good to know'] Jimmy: [does a bow cos nerd] Janis: [just giving Twix love whilst he makes tea, shouts through 'so you gonna show me where it hurts or am I guessing?' like you don't need to play nurse yet eager bitch] Jimmy: [you know he's making her one even though she's literally got a smoothie so who else is eager, comes through with said tea after a bit and puts the mugs down so he can put a hand over his heart like an even bigger nerd] Janis: [make pouty poor boy face 'might be incurable, that'] Jimmy: ['if you can't do it, you can't' shrugs] Janis: ['making it a challenge?'] Jimmy: [sips tea with an eyebrow raised like a sassy bitch] Janis: [lols, 'okay, so your face muscles are working fine, I get it' casually squishing his face 'cos cheeky too] Jimmy: [when you give her a little smooch but it's FINE cos you've got your phone out okay] Janis: [#allforthegramsureboys how many people really wanna see you making out erryday like some yeah you fine but still] Jimmy: [we know you ain't even holding that phone properly boy and then you won't post it cos you'll say it's too blurry or whatever] Janis: [one of these days you gon just drop it and the pretense but not yet] Jimmy: [soon kids, just hold on] Janis: ['how's the heart now? just challenging to go further oh lads] Jimmy: [puts her hand over said heart like that's nbd and not at all dangerous, with a shrug like I ain't dead yet so] Janis: [we all know it'd be beating pretty fast so bold Jimothy, just looking at her hand on his chest 'cos 'real question is, do you want it to be better or do you wanna..' when you trail off but we get it] Jimmy: ['more goals if I die for you, Juliet'] Janis: [when you're taking that as a yes #bothproblematic and you just kick it up to an actual make out sec again phone is out but who cares] Jimmy: [both of you just going for it like this isn't a dangerous game, impressed that you ain't dropped that phone tbh] Janis: [also your teas going cold, jussayin, when you just straddle his lap but don't sit] Jimmy: [OMG THE TEA] Janis: [my boo like nooooo stop rn and finish that brew] Jimmy: [gonna have to microwave that in a bit] Janis: [least Twix can bark 'cos jealous and they'll think someone's about to run up in so even if they ain't it then breaks the moment] Jimmy: [Good 🐕 yeah let's not have Cass descend yet cos she can always cockblock another moment should we need] Jimmy: [just drinking that tea casually now like nothing happened okay] Janis: [my thoughts exactly, at least Janis can love said cockblocking dog now 'cos awkward] Jimmy: [#true love] Janis: [doing that post about how he's poorly/playing nurse etc gotcha covered boy] Jimmy: [doing flirty replies so you can safely flirt lol] Janis: [so blatant lads] Janis: you seen that lot today? Jimmy: [nods] Janis: shoulda messaged us Janis: final fuck you to 'em before I go, like Jimmy: soz there were a rush on Janis: no worries, got a day now Janis: drop in tomorrow, undoubtedly be there Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [just picked up his lighter and are playing with it Jimmy: brb Janis: 👌 Jimmy: [comes back in a bit with art hoe supplies so he can draw her] Janis: ['homework?'] Jimmy: [shows her what he's doing] Janis: [when you try to be casual and 😏 about it but are immediately like oh and self-conscious of how you look rn 'am I meant to pose or what?'] Jimmy: [just shrugs because he's helpful like that lol 'Do you want it to turn out decent or not?' because challenge always like be my muse bitch] Janis: [🙄 'if you wanna be goals you'll draw me pretty no matter what' but is her usual effortless model self 'cos 'course she can] Jimmy: [🙄 back 'By now I've had plenty of practice at faking I reckon you are, no challenge or owt'] Janis: [sighs 'must be nice having good taste, even if it's pretend, welcome' 😘] Jimmy: [sighs back dramatically without looking up from the page 'be nicer if you stopped moving your lips, dickhead'] Janis: ['mr serious artiste needs to concretrate, okay, okay' mimes zipping 'em] Jimmy: [makes a scoff news but in the next second you know he's doing a cute lil concentration face] Jimmy: [*noise] Janis: [stealth taking a picture of that 'cos is cute] Jimmy: [chewing on that pen like a cute mofo also how confident not to use pencil boy] Janis: [like you've drawn her before lol Jimmy: [giving yourself well away] Janis: [what does one even do when getting drawn, just getting so comfy on that couch, so confident bitch] Jimmy: [at least his doodle style wouldn't take an age] Janis: [trulyfe] Jimmy: [lowkey shoving it at her like well I'm done and soooo not bothered haha] Janis: [when you can't be like I LOVE IT 'cos 1. a picture of yourself 2. you're not meant to be bothered either but you do love so you're like 'you're actually good then' like fairplay] Jimmy: [when you can't deal with even such a lowkey compliment so you have to leave the room and pretend like it's cause the dog is being so annoying like fuck off to the kitchen Twix you slag but also the awks is radiating off you so she's gotta be aware] Janis: [just pocketing that drawing, like] Janis: wanna 🚬? Jimmy: [when you don't answer you just head out there] Janis: [leaves it a hot sec like well am I invited or nah but then decides to go out regardless] Jimmy: [sit on that trampoline kids] Jimmy: [when you light up for her even though you feel awks cos habit] Janis: [takes it and lies back on the trampoline looking up at the sky and smoking] Jimmy: [shamelessly looking at her while she can't see him do it as if he didn't spend however long doing that when he was drawing, okay boy] Janis: ['s'comfy' and closing her eyes 'cos in my mind she's probably had a couple nights out in town already 'cos usually how she'd do before running] Jimmy: [takes off his jacket or hoodie or whatever and spreads it over her like a blanket cos nerd] Janis: [when you just allow that] Jimmy: [Twix just jumping on her because can't get a moment gdi] Janis: [at least she can get her to settle next to her like shh] Jimmy: [just texting Cass like where are you btw because can't join in with the snuggle] Janis: [a fair point also gotta tell her dis bitch staying over like] Jimmy: [really lingering over this convo because what to say or what to do, god bless him] Janis: [she's just oblivious soz lol] Jimmy: [after a while just poking her like 'You hungry or what?'] Janis: ['oi' but getting up, leaning on her elbows 'yeah, I could eat, want me go get something?'] Jimmy: [pushes her back down but gently cos he's gonna go and does] Janis: charming Janis: wanna go twos at least Jimmy: Obviously not, 'cause yeah I am such a 👑 charming, like Jimmy: I gotta pick my brother up anyway Janis: don't be stealing my shoes Janis: know they'd probably fit you but still, not even fake like that Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: I've touched your feet and I wouldn't be caught 💀💀💀 Janis: nothing wrong with my feet Jimmy: If you want sell pics to pervs, crack on Jimmy: #notmykink Janis: make a lot off that Janis: I don't need it Janis: 👑💰 Jimmy: hand it over my way then Janis: called being a pimp, that Jimmy: alright so if anyone asks, this convo's fake Janis: alright, rebrand to manager and you get 20% Janis: all in the details, boy Jimmy: Am I signing in 🩸 or that only the 💀💌? Janis: what you so hesitant for Janis: my fucking feet Janis: 🗡 least you can do is suffer Jimmy: I were wondering how much of my bodily fluids you're gonna want over the course of this bollocks Janis: don't be so crude Janis: talking about making softcore fetish porn here, not your emissions, thanks very much Janis: be professional Jimmy: become a nun after you 💔 me not before Janis: you can't 💔 Janis: become a priest if you want access to that untapped source of 😻 Jimmy: You, dickhead Janis: not gay Jimmy: No shit Janis: shut up Jimmy: you Janis: you, dickhead Jimmy: You're a bigger dickhead Janis: awh, it's mm if at all, don't worry 💕 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: how long you reckon you'll be Jimmy: Depends Janis: yeah but Janis: rough estimate Jimmy: Yeah but are you gonna tell me what you wanna eat or have I gotta guess? Janis: get whatever you lot want Janis: I'll eat anything Jimmy: Then I'll be a bit longer than it takes 💀👑 to slide in your DMs whenever you post but not as long as it takes her to take no for an answer Jimmy: alright? Janis: 👍 Janis: gonna go for a run then Jimmy: I won't let the 🐕 know 💔 Janis: can't keep friends, me Janis: soz babe Jimmy: my fault, should've warned her what you're like Janis: you'd have to know for that Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: at it again, you Janis: what, we mates now Jimmy: who's asking? Janis: who do you think Janis: 🐕 hasn't mastered the phone Jimmy: I don't reckon you have any need to ask, Jennifer Jimmy: there's your answer Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Stop trying to friendzone me, babe Jimmy: It ain't #goals Janis: you're ridiculous Jimmy: I ain't the one asking questions I know the answers to Jimmy: such a girl, you Janis: and I'm the know-it-all Janis: ok bighead Jimmy: I get it, you don't wanna share the 🏆 Janis: you who don't wanna share Jimmy: What you on about? Jimmy: I love sharing, me Janis: nah Janis: ain't that bad a roomie, like Janis: don't ask gracie though Jimmy: don't ask her round, don't ask her questions, you don't want much, you Janis: shut up Janis: how often you have to see her, welcome the break Janis: I would Jimmy: I do Janis: exactly, don't complain, boy Jimmy: Or what? Janis: plenty of ways to shut you up Jimmy: Go on then Janis: 🔇 Janis: feel that mute Jimmy: 🎻🎻still playing on Janis: sorry what was that? Jimmy: come here, grub is Janis: okay, be right there Jimmy: 😘 Janis: don't make me 🤢 into it like Jimmy: but that sounds so hot 💕 Jimmy: bit rude of you to take the spotlight though Jimmy: it were my sickie Janis: oh yeah, soz Janis: be a better patient and I'll be a better nurse Jimmy: be 🥇 and it wouldn't matter Janis: weren't me, was the dog Janis: but okay, round 2 Jimmy: ain't even fed me 🍇 or nowt Jimmy: 💔🎻💔 Janis: 😂 you aren't a roman emperor Jimmy: I'm on my fake deathbed here Janis: so I've gotta spoil you, yeah Jimmy: do something Janis: been trying Janis: saying, have your bed back, I'll take the floor Jimmy: I don't want my bed back Janis: tell me what you want Jimmy: I have done Janis: get the grapes then shall I Janis: brb, detour Jimmy: come and eat, dickhead Janis: well alright Janis: later then Jimmy: I don't even like 🍇 alright Janis: see, how can I win Janis: honestly, setting me up, shame 😏 Jimmy: I'll spit them out off 📷 Jimmy: we can make it work Janis: you baby Janis: you can swallow Jimmy: alright, I'll do it for you 💕 Janis: true love Janis: [show up for this dinner moment] Jimmy: [Bobby and Twix casually cockblocking but not cos he made the kid sit up the table #smart while they can stay on the sofa where they make all their mems but Cass not because we may need her to actually in a bit] Janis: [good thinking boy, also Janis casually breathing a sigh of relief 'cos feels weird meeting his fam whilst it's fake tbh, not Ian fuck Ian but rude on the kids, like] Jimmy: [can you remember his house layout like was it open plan or what was the situation?] Janis: [nah we did a more closed off moment 'cos a rented house, like they had a lil hall, the garage off to one side, then the lounge then the kitchen with a table Jimmy: [okay yeah I do vaguely remember the sims house now] Janis: [so tuck in lads] Jimmy: [when it should be more awks than it is #foreverthemood] Janis: [moves so fast 'cos you so extraaaa] Jimmy: [so comfortable with each other even with all your #issues lads, love it] Janis: [#fated] Jimmy: [when you go get her a drink so you can check Twix ain't stole all Bobby's food and generally be a good big brother on the low] Janis: [yes, tis important, can't be allowed to just chill like you ain't got responsibilities] Jimmy: [she can just hear them being cute in that kitchen like] Janis: [a moment, good thing Bobby likes her when the time comes because she's not so extra with kids and in his face] Jimmy: [not always a 😒 sod, are you Jimothy? lol it's my fave when they are such a cute lil fam unit bye Ian] Janis: [we know you soft boy, and yas casually kick him out of his own home #notsoz] Jimmy: [he's back and he's raided his shit dad's stash cos never too early #fuckyouIan] Janis: [raising your brow but doing a golf clap #approved] Jimmy: [doing a cheers at her] Janis: ['you slipped the kid a nightcap, yeah?'] Jimmy: ['You wish' 😏] Janis: [😳😒] Janis: ['I meant, what passes as parenting 'round here, dickhead'] Jimmy: [to answer her question he goes to clear the table cos the little bab wants to 🎨] Janis: [get your art on babby] Jimmy: [such an unspoken I do, dickhead if there ever was one] Janis: [so domestic] Jimmy: [comes back to drink that drink and put some bollocks on the TV that neither of them care about] Janis: [standard, when you've basically downed yours 'cos nervous energy] Jimmy: [gives her a look but doesn't say anything] Janis: [a 'what?' look] Jimmy: [one back but we know he means what's wrong] Janis: [shakes head like don't worry, I'm good] Jimmy: ['Do you wanna go to my room?' Oh the MANY layers of meaning in that] Janis: [when you shrug 'if you like' but you clearly do 'cos you're halfway up] Jimmy: [when you bring more drinks as a shameless excuse to follow her cos you don't know if she meant she wants to be alone or she wants to be alone with you and you can't ask] Janis: ['purely medicinal, yeah?'] Jimmy: [a nod] Janis: [shrugs 'better than grapes' then puts out her hand 'do I get one?'] Jimmy: ['do you want one?' but in such a flirty manner that there is no need for] Janis: ['you know I do' matching tone 'cos obvs] Jimmy: ['take it then' boy you better stop] Janis: [does, sipping maintaining that eye contact honey] Jimmy: [likewise because gotta] Janis: ['stay' when you gotta add, quickly after a pause 'or I'll feel bad'] Jimmy: [when you make yourself comfortable cos you can make a big song and dance of doing it and hide how much you're dying rn 'can't have that, meant to be me' does the fakest cough of all time and 😏] Janis: ['oh right, yeah get in then' making a thing of getting your phone out and ready to give yourselves some time 'cos ultimately you're gonna hop on that bed and straight up put his head in your lap so you can take a pic stroking his hair] Jimmy: [when you pretend like she's got something on her face and you've gotta get it before any pics are taken but we know there isn't anything there and the boy is just being extra] Janis: ['better?' is she referring to her face or how he feels, we'll never know] Jimmy: [responds by taking her hair down #for the aesthetic bitch we all 👀 you just wanting to run your fingers through it bye] Janis: [still just stroking his hair but pulls it (gently calm down) when he takes hers down 'this is about you, not me'] Jimmy: ['it's about you an' all' when you gotta pause cos calm down with sounding like you care and also how much you wanna make that true in a sexy way 'whoever's story it ends up on'] Janis: [nods like alright and also what can she trust herself to say] Jimmy: [casually taking his top off like oh we should redo all of that as if anyone cares that much about the details #shameless] Janis: [when you're like true though and pull down whatever bottoms you have on like, gotta have that skin to skin moment bye] Jimmy: [trying not to die or look at her too shamelessly and failing at both lbr] Janis: [when you do an instagram story purely so you can kiss his forehead] Jimmy: [kill me tbh and I ain't even there] Janis: [how you gonna slow this down lads hohum] Jimmy: [literally cos we all know how he wants this his head in her lap situation to end and it isn't with a picture] Jimmy: [at least we have the kids and dog to cockblock] Janis: [true facts, gotta keep it family friendly] Jimmy: [me just forever being like how far can we push this before it's too far haha] Janis: [s'the point baby] Jimmy: [I'm thinking] Jimmy: [we need something #intimate to happen and bonus points if it's the first time too but idk] Jimmy: [not the #cute moment I was trying to think of but #duh while we've got them here we should do the ultimate playfight cliche since on a bed it's BLATANT and like she could poke him as a trampoline throwback cos they're still just lying there together #casual and be all I thought you'd fallen asleep cos pisstake at how tired he always is and of course like I said playfight ensues and we've got all that good shit like him tickling her and her squirming way more than necessary 👀 you both so of course he pins her down but not really cos we all know you could escape easily if you wanted to 👀 you still and SO much good eye contact and he pulls her hair and she bites her lip and he stares at it but OBVS before they can kiss Cass storms back through with a front door slam that puts Grace's school trip one to shame and has Twix wilding] Jimmy: [which leaves him nothing to do but say fuck's sake with more feeling than anyone has ever for all the reasons and go downstairs to talk to her aka have a row cos she's always in the mood and so's he now] Janis: [A+ idea boo] Janis: [whichever door they ain't at, she goes out] Jimmy: [don't blame you remotely girl] Janis: [lets some time pass] Janis: if you want anything bringing back, lmk Jimmy: ? Janis: ? Janis: what does that mean, easy enough question, ain't it Jimmy: What do you mean? Janis: that I've gone out, and if you need some milk or some shit, I'll bring some back later Janis: not offering to do a drugs run for you, soz Jimmy: and I've been out so what the fuck else would I need Janis: alright, simple no would suffice Jimmy: Would it? Janis: try it and find out Jimmy: You wish Janis: 🙄 Janis: not that arsed Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: sounds like it Janis: your lack of manners ain't my concern Janis: didn't ask you to say thanks or anything Jimmy: You can have it anyway Jimmy: tah for doing one when I'm up to my eyes here Janis: yeah, you're welcome, sarcasm ignored Janis: nothing I could do Jimmy: try it and find out Janis: like what, read your brother a bedtime story whilst you bollock your sister Jimmy: like not take the 1st chance you can to fuck off Janis: was giving you space to sort it out in private, actually Jimmy: bollocks Janis: how is that bollocks Jimmy: how ain't it? Janis: did I look ready to go out to you or what Janis: not got anything else to do in this town tonight Jimmy: Wouldn't know, didn't get a goodbye in Janis: fuck's sake Jimmy: You pissed off 'cause it got too real for you, owt else is bollocks Janis: you reckon that all you want Jimmy: Deny it all you want Jimmy: you can be full of chat about 'how this will only work if...' and how we need each other but you ain't standing by it Jimmy: gotta keep me in my box and that ain't the 4 walls of this house, yeah? Jimmy: Like I said, too real Janis: Stop being dramatic and chatting shite Janis: if that were it, I wouldn't offer to come back, would I Janis: I'd go, as planned Jimmy: Then what? Janis: what I said, dickhead Janis: I know what it is when everyone knows your family's shit Janis: I was getting out the way Jimmy: That were nowt Jimmy: you're gonna need a thicker fake skin, girl Janis: shut up Jimmy: Funny how you don't get in my way when there's washing up to be done, rich girl Janis: yeah, you caught me Jimmy: dry handed Jimmy: I know, like Janis: you're so unfunny it's unreal Jimmy: unreal is right Jimmy: you reckon you're getting my best material Janis: please, save it Jimmy: please, give me your permission again Jimmy: desperate for it, me Janis: no shit Janis: total gimp, you, s'obvious Jimmy: I get it, you want the mental pictures Jimmy: gotta do something with the alone time you've given yourself by doing one Janis: Means I've got 'em Janis: you owe me another lobotomy, or an acid deep clean Jimmy: put it on my tab, babe Janis: take it off mine and we're quits Janis: better idea Jimmy: Piss off Janis: I get it, you want me forever in your debt Jimmy: 'course I do Janis: mhmm Janis: like I said, transparent 👻 boy Jimmy: buy us 🚬 and I might let you back in 🧛 girl Jimmy: how's that for clear? Janis: pretend I don't know how much you want me back, crystal 👌 Jimmy: that's the 🐕 sweetheart, it ain't me Janis: whatever, the washing up moan was more convincing, babe Jimmy: done my convincing for the night, haven't I? Janis: part-timer Jimmy: keep it to yourself Janis: you ain't the only lad Janis: sure they'll find it very #relatable Jimmy: shut up Janis: 😂 Jimmy: such a dickhead Janis: you love being the best boyfriend in town, don't you Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Jimmy: you know the drill Janis: sure do Jimmy: You not pulling your weight only makes me look better Jimmy: so understanding and 💕 all that bollocks Janis: fuck off Janis: I do well more than you, boys just get sucked off for doing the literal bare minimum in any scenario, especially not being a total twat to girls Janis: don't get it twisted, dickhead Jimmy: you can have a 🏆 for the dance floor, that's about it Janis: bullshit Janis: you've got the easy job Janis: I've turned every bitch from saying I'm gay as a diss to being scared I'll steal their lad in no time Jimmy: You had one rumour about you 💔 I've got loads Jimmy: gotta keep up with them and prove them wrong Jimmy: 😎🚬 Janis: you don't listen as well as you reckon Janis: 💩 Jimmy: might be 'cause you had my 👂s off Janis: get over it Janis: how you ever cope with having a real girlfriend Jimmy: never baby 💕 Janis: idiot Jimmy: stop flirting with me for 1 sec OMG Jimmy: proper sweet talker, you Janis: about as delusional as her Janis: and as much chat Jimmy: actually 💔 now Janis: ikr Janis: imagine actually being her Janis: gutting Jimmy: you're alright, tah, I won't Janis: but you love the pain Janis: what's up? Jimmy: Better ways to get a dose of it, like inviting you down the pub Jimmy: coming or what? Janis: cute 💕 Janis: guess so Janis: have to disappoint some lads but that's just how it is when you're so in demand Jimmy: so much enthusiasm be still my 💘 Jimmy: one on the corner, I'll be the mug getting them in Janis: 👍 Janis: not been gone that long Janis: remember what you look like Jimmy: #unforgettable Jimmy: send tweet Janis: 😂 Janis: I'll sign off on that Janis: pretty odd looking, it sticks with you Jimmy: You can do better Jimmy: with insults and lads obvs Janis: 🤷 I mean Janis: I'm sure you can get lads too, mate Jimmy: 👴💕 Janis: 😂 that's why you wanna go pub Janis: how rude to invite me Jimmy: you wanted a third, babe Janis: well we gotta agree Jimmy: do owt to please you, you know that Janis: 🤤 Jimmy: 😍 Janis: cute Janis: don't reckon there's any fitting another person in your bed though Janis: have to wait Jimmy: the lounge has got loads of floor space, be alright Janis: oh right, lock the dog in the kitchen and the kids in their rooms Janis: it's a party Jimmy: 🤞 Ian's in here having an after work #sesh so I can whip his 🔑 off him an' all Janis: oh, a good point Janis: no one needs that Jimmy: Our 🎉 been pissed on 'cause I don't 👀 him Jimmy: @iantaylor8 do one, mate 👍 Janis: put a DND on the door Janis: old school Jimmy: DNR on the 👴💕 Janis: standard practice when you're 😈 Jimmy: you stopped blagging you're 😇 now then? Janis: can do both, multi-talented Jimmy: Good Jimmy: dunno how I feel about the end of an era Janis: you like good girls, huh Janis: don't be spreading that about me, tah Jimmy: don't get #badder than my ex so from now on, yeah Jimmy: but alright, your secret halo is safe Janis: 🍻 drown those sorrows, I'm nearly there Jimmy: had loads of 🍺 and 👴💕 already tah Jimmy: you'll have to go some to keep up Janis: slag 😏 Jimmy: don't be spreading that about me Jimmy: fighting lasses off every day as is Janis: you poor thing Janis: did you not think about just going gay Janis: fake gay, that is Jimmy: I know 🎻🎻 things I do for you, Jules Jimmy: just ain't believable that Janis: what, you're SO straight 😂 Jimmy: I mean, this lad at work is a right stunner but getting him to be my fake boyfriend would be a bit harder than it were getting you to make 😍 at me Jimmy: he's proper busy with the ☕ Janis: piss off Jimmy: needed a rich girl with nowt to do Janis: don't need to repeat myself, thanks, see above Jimmy: 😏 Janis: don't smirk at me cunt Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 then Janis: go away Janis: was a school trip, no one had anything better to do Jimmy: come here Janis: outside Janis: got your cigarettes Jimmy: [appears like oh hey just casually sticking his head out the door and looking around dramatically like ?? cos nerd] Janis: [🙄 'you really are a shit actor, you know'] Jimmy: [shrugs 'got everyone I need to fooled'] Janis: [a shrug 'if you say so' and holding out the pack, which she's already taken one from] Jimmy: ['you just heard me' takes one obvs] Janis: ['what's that count for' when you've bought your own lighter so you've lit your own #ultimateshade] Jimmy: [🙄 how weird it'd feel to just light his own at this point like] Janis: [awkward] Jimmy: [awkward silent moody smoking ftw] Janis: [always] Jimmy: [leaning against the wall to show how #overit you are, oh life] Janis: 😎 Jimmy: *😎🚬 Janis: thanks to me Jimmy: and what? Jimmy: 👏 Janis: begins with a t Jimmy: you are being a twat, yeah Jimmy: 👍 Janis: very clever Jimmy: 🏆🧠 Janis: go celebrate then, dickhead Jimmy: gimme chance to finish my 🚬 damn girl Janis: [walks further away to finish hers] Jimmy: [walks up to her cos that dickhead] Janis: ['What part of this aren't you getting?'] Jimmy: [just giving her a look like what] Janis: ['I said, go away, remember'] Jimmy: ['what's that count for, you said that an' all, remember'] Janis: ['you're so fucking- annoying'] Jimmy: ['Is coming here gonna make me any less annoying?'] Janis: ['what?'] Jimmy: [gestures for her to come in the pub and have a drink with him] Janis: [when you're just looking at him exasperated af but then stomp in before him] Jimmy: [gets drinks and puts hers down in front of her like there you go without asking what she wanted, bit rude] Janis: [doesn't say thanks, obvs] Jimmy: [when you've swapped awkward silent moody 🚬 for awkward silent moody 🍺] Janis: [#goals lmao] Jimmy: [truly] Jimmy: You're Jimmy: [when you deliberately are vague af] Janis: go on Janis: say what you wanna say Jimmy: You're just Jimmy: [when you shake your head like NOPE abort mission] Janis: fine Janis: [🙄 and getting up to get more drinks] Jimmy: [forever not realising drinks aren't a good idea you two, god bless] Janis: [when you're probably chatting more to the bartender than you are to the person you're with rn oh lads] Jimmy: [when seeing that'd put you in an even better mood which is great Jimothy thanks so much] Janis: [coming back, putting the drinks down, then going straight to the bogs like brb] Jimmy: [you know he'll have probably downed that by the time she gets back #suchfun] Janis: [back like okay] Janis: how many you had? Jimmy: [shrugs because not enough clearly] Janis: cheat Jimmy: 1. didn't accept no challenge Jimmy: 2. rebel with only one cause, remember Jimmy: 3. you famously don't play by the rules, why should I? Janis: 1. you said catch up Janis: 2. how can i Janis: 3. dickhead Jimmy: I said you'd have to be going some Jimmy: and you will Janis: Oh, will I? Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: crack on Janis: wow love it when you get all demanding Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: Missed you too Janis: 'course Janis: 💘 Jimmy: [just on his phone like a rude bitch, I'm like LORD let that booze kick in soon please] Janis: [lol like boy you asked her here, twice] Jimmy: [HONESTLY give it up bitch you're ridiculous] Janis: 💬 Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: your turn Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: [goes] Janis: third? Jimmy: Why you trying to make me do maths in the holidays? Janis: the maths is would you bang the barman or nah Jimmy: would you? Janis: [shamelessly staring like 🤔 at this poor man who's probably 30 odd and not cute enough to go there like soz] Janis: not by first choice, nah Jimmy: There's your answer then Janis: considerate as ever, darling Jimmy: owt to please you, I said Janis: I know Janis: but we know what I said and all Jimmy: weren't listening me Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [puts drink in front of her with a look like you alright then?] Janis: [look back like are you? but nods too] Jimmy: [drinking instead of answering] Janis: ['I can go, if you've got shit to sort'] Jimmy: [shaking his head so casually but the 👀 are like DON'T] Janis: ['good, break my heart if you sent me back to that lot' smiles weakly like joking but not really] Jimmy: ['What kind of dickhead would take the only job you've ever had and turn it round on you, rich girl'] Janis: [🙄 'imagine'] Jimmy: ['don't wanna, it's bloody tragic'] Janis: [kicks him under the table, but not full pelt lol] Jimmy: [throws a beer mat at her with an oi but also not that hard obvs] Janis: [just ripping it up casually] Jimmy: 🎊👰💕 Janis: [😏] Janis: lemme know when you meet her and I'll practice my overarm Jimmy: throw it over whoever you wanna bring back, gimme the warning Jimmy: 🤞👴 Janis: [lols] Janis: [takes a big look around and shakes head like nah, not feeling it] Jimmy: I get it, Ian still ain't showed 💔 Jimmy: I'll get some 🎻🎻 on the box for you, mate Janis: ha 🖕 Janis: after careful consideration, I can't hack being your step mum, thanks but no thanks Jimmy: take the 🐕 leave the rest, I know Janis: nah, your sibs seem fine too, sure Ian is the daddy I've dreamed him to be too Janis: it's all you 💔 Jimmy: 😭😭😭 Janis: Poor baby Janis: want comforting again yeah Jimmy: Depends Janis: yes, it will be me doing the comforting Janis: can't guarantee anyone else at such short notice Jimmy: but are you gonna do what you did before or have you got new tricks? Janis: Depends Jimmy: On how much time you can blag for yourself by borrowing mine? Not much, girl Jimmy: not if you're using that one any road Janis: no Jimmy: Go on then Jimmy: what? Janis: on what angle you're hitting 📸 Janis: only so much the Instagram guidelines allow for Jimmy: that'll be every 💕 Janis: then what do you expect Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: 🥇 for the 'gram and 🥇 comforting ain't the same thing Janis: shocking, I know Jimmy: I said nowt about the 'gram that were you Janis: Why ever else would we do it? Janis: [a LOOK] Jimmy: [gives one back] Jimmy: might fancy snapchat Janis: only if they pay Janis: 60/40 me Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: you don't need the 💰💰 Janis: don't mean I work for free Jimmy: send me a bill then, babe Janis: after Jimmy: 👍 Janis: What were you gonna say Jimmy: When? Janis: Earlier Janis: you never said what I was Jimmy: nowt Janis: bollocks Janis: you can say it Janis: heard it all before Jimmy: I dunno Jimmy: leave it out Janis: fine Janis: drink up Janis: [goes bar] Jimmy: just Janis: don't bother, why'd you tell the truth anyway, yeah Jimmy: take whatever you said about me and replay it in a northern accent Jimmy: that'll do Janis: non-committal enough Janis: idek what I said so 👍 Jimmy: sorted, like Janis: sure Jimmy: I actually dunno though, alright Jimmy: what you are Janis: racist Janis: after you made me break down my heritage too Janis: plain rude Jimmy: bit rude to say I made you, Jill Janis: well, you to a T that Jimmy: you reckon you've got me to a T, yeah? Janis: want me to say I can't work you out and all? Jimmy: Do you want me to chat bollocks or leave it for you to do? Janis: chat something Jimmy: Why? Janis: 'cos why am I here otherwise Jimmy: you wanted a drink, you've got a drink Janis: when did I ask for a drink Jimmy: no need Jimmy: I dunno how to describe you in one word that don't mean I know nowt Jimmy: could've said pisshead for a start Janis: yeah you reckoned I smoked as well Janis: nice one columbo Jimmy: and as I'm so wrong you won't want one Jimmy: [struts out] Janis: I'm gonna drink yours, twat Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: well convincing it's only social, that Janis: what do you want me to say, I'll piss in it Janis: not that committed to fucking you up Jimmy: can't ever just leave it, can you? Jimmy: goes for nowt Janis: you started it Jimmy: you Janis: you you you Jimmy: how did I? Janis: you wouldn't tell me what you said Janis: now you've pissed off Jimmy: I fucking Jimmy: I went for a smoke 'cause I can admit it's a habit Janis: Well I'm not gonna lie 'cos you wanna hear I got a drinking problem or some shit Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: I've got other ways I deal with my shit, alright Jimmy: and I'm not trying to get an invite on a run, alright Janis: What you saying Janis: smoking isn't your thing, you don't own it Jimmy: it ain't yours either, you said Janis: I can do it as and when I want Jimmy: 👏🏆 Janis: oh, fuck off Jimmy: make up your mind Jimmy: you were trying to kick off at me for leaving your side a bit ago Janis: I'm fucking tired Janis: I'm going Jimmy: Let me finish my drink that you better not have touched and we'll go Janis: You can stay Jimmy: I don't want to Janis: okay Jimmy: [reappears to down that drink like come on then] Janis: [when you go to grab his hand instinctively 'cos ages of people watching you but then drop it like it's hot like shit] Jimmy: [when you just take her hand again anyway like you gotta drag her away from here kicking and screaming lol instead of the fact you know she wants to leave so badly that you didn't even sit down to neck that pint] Janis: ['when you get up in the night, don't stand on me, like'] Jimmy: [It ain't me with the freakishly long legs, girl. How do you reckon I'm gonna make that happen from the next room?'] Janis: [pouts] Jimmy: [gives her a look like ?? but less dickhead-ish than he's been doing it] Janis: [shakes head like nevermind] Jimmy: [cups her face because he can pretend he's being fake with it if he needs to even if the genuine soft tones of his voice could give him away if he knew how much of a #softboy he is 'what, babe?'] Janis: [acts like she's gonna bite his hand literal but just pushes it away hastily 'nothing, I thought you were staying'] Jimmy: ['I'll have the floor then'] Janis: [shakes head 'don't be stupid'] Jimmy: ['You'] Janis: ['s'your bed, dickhead'] Jimmy: [You're tired, dickhead. Just take it off me'] Janis: ['can sleep anywhere, like'] Jimmy: ['my bed'll suit you alright then'] Janis: [shakes head like no point arguing on this anymore] Jimmy: [gives her a look like too right there isn't cos you're having my bed, end of discussion] Janis: ['don't sleep on the floor' what does that mean what are you wondering what do you know] Jimmy: [nods which is about as cryptic, oh lads] Janis: ['your sister beat you in a fight then too?'] Jimmy: ['you saying you fancy your chances?' it's really hard to make everything a question omg] Janis: [😏 'only heard her so I ain't making any bets with you, tah'] Jimmy: [😏 'spoilsport'] Janis: ['cheat' tuts like honestly] Jimmy: ['don't be throwing words like that about out loud, tah'] Janis: [looks around dramatically 's'fine, don't reckon they're tailing us'] Jimmy: [takes her hand again and like swings it how you do to a kid while he also looks around dramatically] Janis: ['left your brother at home, mate' but not pulling away or stopping him ok] Jimmy: [when you'd normally have some #bants about that but you're tired too so you're just walking and handholding nbd] Janis: [a nice lil moment] Jimmy: [I feel like the pub ain't that far from his house so may as well enjoy that while it lasts kids] Janis: [exactly dr phil] Jimmy: [getting back and not knowing if your dad is home or not #joys (we know he isn't but Jimmy don't have that luxury) so you immediately get tense af] Janis: [awkward, get you up in the room girl] Jimmy: [when you have to go check your siblings and tell them you're back cos you all have separation anxiety but lowkey so your fake girlfriend don't think you're weird] Jimmy: need owt? Janis: nah, I'm good Janis: thanks Jimmy: [bringing her water anyway cos you don't want the night to be over yet in case she's gone in the AM #blatant] Janis: [just smiling like 'I'll give you 5 stars'] Jimmy: ['hang on, it ain't vodka, like'] Janis: ['lucky I don't throw it in your face then' 🙄😏] Jimmy: ['least I'd impress you by catching it in my mouth if it were'] Janis: ['right little optimist, you'] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: ['what other tricks you got then, boy?'] Jimmy: [Shrugs 'Don't have a dog to perform myself'] Janis: [yawns half shade/half actual] Jimmy: [when you're just leaving like okay then] Janis: ['oi'] Jimmy: [when you've basically got a hand on the door to go but you still turn around because of course you do] Janis: ['...night then' like that weren't all bitch we all know it] Jimmy: [You gonna be cold? It's april boy I doubt it but he's taking off his hoodie or jumper or whatever soft thing he's got on and putting it on her because just he just wants touch her without making that obvious but also CARES bitch] Janis: [nods all the same 'tuck us in then'] Jimmy: [does obvs, picking her up and carrying her there first if he needs to because idk if she's stood up like him by this door or wut] Janis: [allowing it 'cos I wanna] Jimmy: [when you open your mouth to say about 40000 things but you can't so you just close it again like nothing to see] Janis: ['yeah' 'cos same boy, same] Jimmy: ['I were just wondering if I should take your breakfast order but depends if I pull another sickie or bother to go in' boy you were not such a lie but that is a good question of what to do with tomorrow I'll give you that] Janis: ['make a thing of it and they might send you a fruit basket, or a search party, risk you could take, like' shrugs] Jimmy: ['if the search party's headed up by my best customers that's a massive risk, management not as much' shrugs back and once again attempts his exit] Janis: [turning over like okay night 'smoothie was good' re. if he does go in] Jimmy: [stopping like this is a mansion instead of a box room 'we can make a thing of it either way, if you want'] Janis: ['that'll be alright, yeah' when you're saying that into your pillow like hope you can hear] Jimmy: [when you nod but she can't see you] Janis: [let him go hoe] Jimmy: [I'm gonna say he does but do a little time skip to later because he can't sleep obvs and I have no chill] Jimmy: Hey Janis: what's up? Janis: beside you Jimmy: you an' all Jimmy: why ain't you asleep? Janis: sleeps for the weak, like Jimmy: gimme my bed back then Janis: I said you could have it from the off Jimmy: Go to sleep, dickhead Janis: why Jimmy: 😴💤 Janis: I know you didn't start a convo just to see if I was asleep or nah Jimmy: might've done Janis: could've popped your head 'round the door Janis: or made a shit joke about snoring keeping you up Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: 🐕 snores louder than anyone and she's in here anyway Janis: cosy Jimmy: I'll chuck her in with you if you're 💔 Jimmy: and awake Janis: if you like Janis: thought you were coming to get your bed anyway Jimmy: Got your name on it tonight, mate Janis: come on, I don't need it Janis: I'll crash on your sofa 'til it's light Janis: gone before any of 'em wake up, easy Jimmy: I don't need it either Jimmy: but if I have to tie owt round the door to keep you in, challenge accepted Janis: 😏 Janis: really Jimmy: I mean, 🤞 I tucked you in and you'll stay in, but alright Jimmy: 🏆💪 Janis: cute Janis: say you underestimate me but it's that optimism, yeah? Jimmy: I know how much you love it, babe Janis: hmm we'll be nice and say it's refreshing Jimmy: be nice and stay put instead of me having to rig a trip wire or some bollocks Janis: alright, alright Janis: no need to go home alone Janis: how long are you keeping me captive though Janis: things to do Jimmy: least if we were I might be able to sleep Jimmy: comes to something when you're the least annoying person I've shared a bed with Jimmy: let you out when it goes from #goals to #weird Janis: charming Janis: is he asleep or Jimmy: 👑 me Jimmy: he ain't 💀💀💀 Jimmy: that'll be me tomorrow if I go work Janis: well, if you let me go Janis: can rock up at opening time and tell them how sick you still are Jimmy: if I let you go, won't see you for dust Jimmy: such an athlete, like Janis: well yeah, I will go to the gym after Janis: just hoping it's the fit one opening obvs Jimmy: get your own fit colleagues, I 😍 him first Janis: 💔 I'm faster Jimmy: that'll be why I were 🥇 in a race against you Janis: 1. you cheat Janis: 2. sure he will if you beg hard enough, don't cry Jimmy: 1. shut up I can't hear the 🎻 over you being a massive 😭 loser Jimmy: 2. piss off Janis: oh please, your one good lung would collapse before you could even eat my dust in an actual race Jimmy: long as it holds out for me to go have a 🚬 Janis: 🙄 Janis: yay or nay to the actual plan though, idiot Jimmy: Well on board for a race to my 💀💀💀 death obvs 🎊 Janis: DO YOU WANT ME TO CALL IN SICK FOR YOU OR NO Jimmy: You can calm down, your boyfriend ain't opening up, no need to shout Jimmy: nowt in it for you either Janis: not an answer Jimmy: I don't have a smoothie maker here and I ain't cashing in an IOU on that bollocks Jimmy: there you go Janis: don't need one that bad Janis: but alright Janis: go sleep then Jimmy: not out here, it's freezing Jimmy: 🤞 when I get back in Janis: all that talk of 🚬 got you excited Jimmy: keep that 💕 between us though Janis: everyone's seen you Janis: clearly your 😎 appeal is so great, they'll deal with the bad breath Jimmy: but if they ask you're my 🥇 Janis: not forgot what we're doing here Janis: don't worry Jimmy: 👍 Janis: why'd you move here Jimmy: Why are you asking me? Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Janis: why not Janis: reasonable question Jimmy: reasonable that you've said you don't need or wanna know owt about me an' all Jimmy: What's changed? Janis: got time to kill, ain't we Jimmy: and that's what you wanna do with it? Janis: not my first choice Jimmy: do whatever is then Janis: just don't answer Jimmy: 🙀 is you, Judith Janis: then Janis: ? Janis: hardly a probing question, calm down Jimmy: he got a job here, I didn't fancy being homeless so I came with Jimmy: alright? Janis: why wouldn't it be Jimmy: I dunno the answer you want Janis: erm, the one that's real Janis: not asking for a bedtime story here Jimmy: force of habit Jimmy: our kid has to have 6 Janis: one for every year Janis: classic Janis: gets a bit out of hand when 10 of you try it though so Jimmy: thank fuck Ian ain't that fertile then Janis: 🤢 don't Janis: it's fucking grim Jimmy: 💔 my face fits Jimmy: can't say I ain't his Jimmy: can't knock yours that hard if most of your lot looks like you do Janis: diversitys lacking but he ain't the only black man about Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: yeah but 10 kids looking like that would get you all the 👶🏆 regardless Jimmy: well 9 'cause there's Grace Janis: shut up 🙄 Janis: beautiful baby competitions aren't that lucrative Jimmy: sure my ex is 💔💔💔 Janis: cute then? Janis: that's something Janis: most babies are ugly Jimmy: nah she'd have to rig it Jimmy: cheating comes natural though Janis: ouch Jimmy: 🤷 Jimmy: there's your bedtime story Janis: not meant to be sad Janis: no wonder he's after 6 Janis: happily ever after, dickhead Jimmy: I ain't still with her 💍👶👰 so it were Jimmy: and far as he knows we're 💕 Janis: well I won't get pregnant to end this so Janis: still coming off favourably Jimmy: Ian will be chuffed Jimmy: and what greater seal of approval is there? Janis: idk Janis: starting to question his existense tbh Janis: 😎 runs in the genes too, yeah Jimmy: 👻 does Janis: same Janis: definitely not related Jimmy: don't worry I ain't gonna come round yours with a white sheet thrown on Jimmy: bit controversial Jimmy: stick to the burning ✞ Janis: come on Janis: be a laugh Janis: call it performance art Jimmy: til I get lynched myself Jimmy: proper outnumbered Janis: nah Janis: they're all pussies Janis: nothing like me, I told you Jimmy: you don't know I ain't Jimmy: never seen me fight Janis: protect you, go on Jimmy: lend us your lighter and I'll think about it Jimmy: mine's 💀👻 Janis: trace the burning ✞ back to me and all Janis: no idiot Janis: but whatever, one sec Jimmy: chuck it out the window, Juliet Jimmy: no need to run Janis: may as well have one myself Jimmy: I get it, you don't reckon I can catch it Janis: I know you can't Janis: also know you won't give it back Jimmy: I'll give it you back tomorrow Janis: fucking hell, if you don't wanna even sit with me, I'll go out front, like Jimmy: Shut up Jimmy: can't do tricks out front Janis: [comes out in his hoodie obvs 'cos you said it was freezing but we know she ain't taken it off, like] Jimmy: [is visibly cold af cos been out here ages and gave her his clothes] Janis: ['you idiot' coming at him with said hoodie] Jimmy: [is so much no because bitch you're keeping that] Janis: [🙄 like come here then and wrapping it round them both] Jimmy: [letting that happen because we all wanna] Janis: [rubbing his arms to warmth them 'can get the duvet if you want'] Jimmy: ['be going back in in a bit, it's alright'] Janis: [nods but pulls it tighter/him closer] Jimmy: [again letting that happen shamelessly lol] Janis: [they'd be like so face to face rn it'd be ridiculous 'cos same height, the only way you're avoiding that tension is if you put your head on his shoulder and that's not intimate at all nah] Jimmy: [when you're just playing with her hair like it's in your way and you gotta stop it from harassing you but 👀 you really boy] Janis: [scary grace impression 'don't mess up my hair!'] Jimmy: [lols 'don't do that, it's proper accurate'] Janis: [😏 'spent an unfortunate amount of time with her, least she can give me is a decent impression'] Jimmy: ['I don't want her here or the PTSD tah'] Janis: ['yeah, yeah, you want the lighter I ain't forgot' but not giving it him 'cos vital he be warmthed first obvs] Jimmy: ['I do but-' not finishing that sentence because #danger] Janis: [no escaping how hard she can look at you from this distance though] Jimmy: ['I don't wanna wake him up and the fucking dog will longer I leave going back in, so don't fight me on the floor thing when we do, alright?'] Janis: ['course', I'm not as arsehole' pauses 'I just don't see why you won't take the bed and I'll go on the sofa-' when you say this last bit faster than the rest '-or just share with me it's not like we haven't before'] Jimmy: [nods and tries not to breathe too much 'Really committed to warming me back up, you. Fine then.'] Janis: ['something like that' hands him the lighter] Jimmy: [we know the drill here, ladies first lol] Janis: [when you should really separate to smoke but you just turn so he's behind you 🥄🚬 moment ] Jimmy: [take your chance to shamelessly stare at her boy] Jimmy: [and he should blatantly take a pic because imagine how beautiful she'd look rn and the lighting would be so interesting] Janis: [do it for your 🎨 and 😍 boy] Jimmy: [honestly and it'll stop you saying or doing anything else that you shouldn't] Janis: ['do you reckon I could do it properly..model, like?'] Jimmy: ['Yeah' OMG he answered a question] Janis: [when she's surprised he don't shade her like oh but does best to hide that 'my sister is. Good way out, since I'm not getting deported'] Jimmy: ['I'll look forward to seeing your face on a billboard or whatever and saying I didn't know you' because don't you just hate when peeps pretend to be your bestie when you die/are famous, yep me and Jimmy too] Janis: ['tah, glad it meant so much to ya, mate'] Jimmy: ['It obvs meant everything to me, that's why I've gotta repress all those perfect memories, babe. Tah for that.'] Janis: [turns and 😘 with some smoke coming with] Jimmy: ['see, can't do better than you'] Janis: ['I know, I feel really bad for you, actually. Tragedy.'] Jimmy: [does the violin mime 'get in line, girl, let you jump it a bit 'cause I like you'] Janis: ['yeah?'] Jimmy: [😘 back at her because getting too real there] Janis: [catches it and turns back] Jimmy: [🚬 in silence for a bit because close call] Janis: 'what's your mate called, then?'] Jimmy: [gives her a look like he has no idea who she means] Janis: ['Barista boy'] Jimmy: ['He ain't my mate then, is he'] Janis: ['Your mans, I'm sorry'] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: [nudges back like tell me then] Jimmy: ['Do your own homework, it's the holidays'] Janis: ['such a cockblock, you'] Jimmy: [😒 but trying not to let it show and doing the 💔 with his hands so she'll look there instead] Janis: ['yeah right' and pushing his hands down] Jimmy: [usual Oi and scuffle moment as standard] Janis: [just playfighting always] Jimmy: [when you're just like come on because can't stay out here forever] Janis: ['you finally done?'] Jimmy: [CLEARLY still in his jealousy and thinking about her fucking Pete so walking away] Janis: [just like um excuse me but going too 'cos not gonna stay outside to be awkward] Jimmy: [getting ready for bed moodily lol lol lol] Janis: [when you don't even know what's changed the vibe but what you gonna say, just taking the hoodie and whatever you put on your bottom off] Jimmy: [deliberately not looking at her cos you're in a sulk and can't trust yourself not to say something] Janis: [this won't be awkward at all, lads, time to cram into this bed like there's any option but to snuggle] Jimmy: [who is big 🥄 and who's little?] Janis: [if she's little he can be 'mad' about her hair in his face] Jimmy: [true just #fuming] Janis: ['night'] Jimmy: [when you don't say it back, we know you ain't asleep yet boy] Janis: ['dick'] Jimmy: [a very unamused sound in response like it's her fault you're a jealous dickhead okay then] Janis: [turning 'round in this bed which is treacherous tbh and poking him like what is your problem] Jimmy: [shaking his head because literally what can he say and don't even start me on the position of them both in this tiny bed] Janis: [such a grumpy face] Jimmy: [when she looks so CUTE that it changes your face to 😏 to hide your genuine 😍😊] Janis: ['I'd push you if I wouldn't fall too, and your brother wasn't asleep, lucky' pokes him in the chest again for emphasis on the lucky] Jimmy: ['Nah, you're well anti me being on the floor, said it loads'] Janis: ['plans change, it happens'] Jimmy: [shrugs 'ain't like it'd be the first bruise I'd had off you, least this one'd be real'] Janis: ['can be arranged] Jimmy: ['go on'] Janis: ['later'] Jimmy: ['You ain't gotta be scared or owt, do it'] Janis: ['you're too loud'] Jimmy: [does a 🤐 gesture] Janis: [just LOOKing like are we on the same page I don't think so] Jimmy: [giving her such a look back, kill me tbh] Janis: [we all know she's gonna lovebite him, like] Jimmy: [forever letting shit happen because I want to] Janis: [going hard like the time you nearly took my nip off 'cos challenged and the levels of frustration] Jimmy: [and has anyone ever bit their own lip as hard as he'd have to in this moment jfc because likewise challenged not to be a loud bitch but we know he is and wants to be] Janis: [just keeps looking up to see that struggle like 😏 but also going back in more times than is necessary like] Jimmy: [holding onto her hair not in a soft way because damn people have died struggling less than he is rn] Janis: [the struggle is shared lbr, pulling away, SOMEHOW, 'satisfied?' 😏 you know damn well neither of you are] Jimmy: [just gesturing to his closed mouth with a shrug like I'm not allowed to talk so and we all know he'd need more than a minute if he was gonna] Janis: [just, ( and not very gently), touching all the bruises she just did like 🤔 hmm] Jimmy: [dying but not stopping her because this is all so NBD of course yep] Janis: [shaking her head 'don't worry, did 'em where no one will see, can't let work know how much fun you were having in your sick bed, like'] Jimmy: I reckon the manager's a fan Jimmy: seen him scrolling Janis: well, don't let him take advantage of you, like Janis: more dubious than 🤤 Jimmy: don't do work romances me Janis: 💔 Jimmy: sure that's how my dad reckons all his feel Jimmy: probably more celebratory in reality though Jimmy: based on what they wrote in his 'glad you're fucking off' cards Janis: I get you Janis: watch out for Ian from accounts vibes Janis: not #goals Jimmy: he ain't, soz to piss on your 💍 goals Janis: oh well Janis: think of something, like Jimmy: 🏆🧠 you, like Janis: Obviously Janis: he ain't gonna be pissed off at you that I'm here, is he Janis: probably doesn't know, like Janis: can use my ninja skills Jimmy: he'd have to come home to find out Jimmy: fuck all chance of that Janis: didn't know if he had Janis: his office wifey(s), I guess? Jimmy: Why would he? I'm here, means he don't have to be Janis: yeah, who wants to spend time with their offspring Jimmy: let you know when I meet someone who does Janis: s'shit Janis: why bother reproducing Jimmy: we were all accidents, he just put his name to us Janis: I guess Janis: once is an accident, three times getting dangerously close to a habit Jimmy: full of bad habits him Janis: and not even 😎 with it Janis: actually tragic Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: oh well Janis: won't sleep with my shoes on, then Jimmy: not if you're gonna kick me Jimmy: alright for injuries, tah Janis: shut up, you wanted them Jimmy: You planning to get into the habit of giving me what I want? Janis: depends Jimmy: don't it always Janis: you tell me Jimmy: Tell you what, that it's a bad idea to go with a worse habit? Janis: worse than what Jimmy: owt I've got Jimmy: so don't do nowt for me Janis: whatever Jimmy: 👍 Janis: don't flatter yourself Jimmy: weren't Jimmy: I were flattering you Janis: sure you were Janis: you ain't more deadly than 🚬 😎boy, calm down Jimmy: you can do better, I've already said, don't have to sound like a 🚭 campaign about it, mate but if that's what gets through your 👂 to that 🧠 Janis: oh please Jimmy: begging ain't a mind changer but crack on Janis: I ain't begging no one but don't patronize me Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: [turns and gets as much space between as is physically possible] Jimmy: [finally says 'night' to her] Jimmy: [breaking that silence for it lol] Janis: [makes a similar noise of disgust] Jimmy: [then he's just moving and fussing for an age, soz about it] Janis: [doing a big sigh and getting up and out] Jimmy: ['hang on' before you can stop yourself or she can go] Janis: [looks back like what] Jimmy: [just looking at her like he did at the party when he dragged her away from Harry and was like DON'T] Janis: [when you can't just get back in 'cos you'll look stupid but you do change your plan 'where's your loo?'] Jimmy: [he tells her because idk the layout as usual] Janis: [👍] Jimmy: [just having a sad soft boy moment hoping she'll brb] Janis: [does and silently gets back in] Jimmy: [swap 🥄s kids, when you actually breathe a sigh of relief though that your bae is back #same] Janis: [should probably let them go to sleep lol] Jimmy: [just gotta have him whisper that he's sorry when he reckons she is but yeah sleep and snuggle guys]

[thatssonanii]

Wait ... Before You Hit Me

Parental Paragraphs

Eli's parents didn't care when they found out he was having sex as long as he didn't bring babies home. And Koda had almost died when his parents caught him. Milo knew they would care and he didn't want to think about what would happen if he got caught. So being the smart (and scary) child that he is, Milo decided to sit down with his parents.

"What did you do?" Jey asked right off the bat.

Milo had asked both of his parents to meet him in the living room after Simba got to sleep.

"I didn't do anything. I just wanted to talk, you guys said I could come to you guys so here we are."

"Let me rephrase your daddy's question. What are you planning on doing?"

Milo stood in front of them, hands clasped together. He was so nervous, his palms were sweating. There was no turning back now though and he didn't want to disappoint his girlfriend.

"I'm gonna have sex. Me and Aunastee."

Both parents busted out laughing. They knew their child was goofy but not this goofy. "Boy, please. You don't even want to talk about sex with your father but you think you're ready to have it. Get out my face."

"I know what this is," Jey chuckled, "Your cousins having sex and you feel left out. You don't really wanna have sex, Lo, you just think you do."

"I'm foreal. We're gonna have sex. We're ready." He argued respectfully as he could.

Apryl got up from the sofa still laughing. She kissed her son's head before leaving the room. Frustration ran through Milo's veins but he wouldn't speak on it. Jey scratched his head, staring at his son.

"Just because I gave you condoms doesn't mean you have to use them, Lo."

"I know but I'm ready, Dad. I am."

"How you know?" Jey asked then stood from the sofa.

"I just do. And so is she. We wanna do this and we're going to."

"You're not like your cousins, Lo. It's a lot that comes with having sex. They're not as emotional as you, you can't handle it."

There wasn't anymore room for conversation and Milo knew it. His parents had shut him down but he wasn't backing down from his decision. Him and Aunastee were going to have sex if it killed him.

"So they just walked out? No discussion?"

"Basically. But I expected that."

The young couple sat in Milo's black Honda Civic in the driveway of his house. They had gone on a date to the movies while his parents and Simba had gone to his aunt's house. He knew they would be gone for awhile, his mama's sister never knew when to stop talking.

Aunastee undid her seatbelt, smiling as she got out the car. Milo followed her slightly confused. When they got to the door, she took his keys from his pocket unlocking the door. Again, he followed her through the house and up to his room.

"What are you doing?" He asked as she looked around and took her jacket off.

"Getting comfortable, dork. What does it look like?" She laughed.

"Um, why? I thought you were goin home, Auni."

She approached him still laughing, kissing his face in between laughs. He kissed her back, his confusion slightly wavering.

"That was before I knew my sister was going to be there. And your people are gone so," she paused to kick her shoes off, "Now's a good time."

"Baby, I want to, I really do. But," he sighed as she kissed his neck still smiling.

"But nothing, Milo. You promised me something and now you're gonna deliver."

The absolution in her voice had turned him on. He liked when she tried to take control. Milo gently pushed his girlfriend onto his bed forgetting about the mess he made when he got dressed. He started to kiss her neck until she wiggled away from him.

"What's wrong?"

She pushed him up and sat up with him. "Not in here though. Issa mess, babe."

"Okay," he nodded. "I can clean up real quick." She shook her head at his suggestion. "Guest room?"

Aunastee nodded and he took her hand leading her out of the room. He stood in the middle of the open hallway trying to decide which room they could use while Aunastee started to open and close doors.

"Oooh I like this one."

Milo saw where his girlfriend stood and immediately shook his head. "No, no, no. Not that room, babe. Any room but that one."

With a smile on her face, Aunastee went into the room much to his dismay. He wanted to have sex but not at the expense of his life. Milo didn't budge, he couldn't.

"Baby, please, come out of there. We have four other rooms to pick from."

"I like this one now get in here." She demanded playfully.

He dropped his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. "If you like your life you'll come outta there, Aunastee. You know my mama is crazy and she will know."

"Boy," she laughed, "What're you scared you're gonna get whooped?"

"Honestly, yes," he mumbled to himself before entering his parents bedroom. He found his girlfriend, laid out on his parents' bed in only her bra and panties. "Baby, nooooo."

"Baby, yeeees." She giggled. Aunastee stood on her knees beckoning for Milo to come to her and of course he did. "Stop thinking about your parents and think about me. You got condoms, right?"

He pulled them from his wallet, showing her the gold wrappers his father had given him. Her smile made him smirk and shrug. "My dad knew I was blessed."

She rolled her eyes pulling her on the bed with him. "Get your goofy ass over here before I change my mind."

"Yes ma'am," he whispered pulling his shirt over his head.

"Gotta pee, gotta pee," Simba exclaimed racing pass his parents.

They laughed as they continued their slow walk up the stairs. The house was quiet, for now, Simba wasn't anywhere near sleepy. They hoped he wouldn't wake Milo's grumpy ass up.

"Wash your hands and get your pjs on, Simba."

"Yes, sir," he said coming out of the hall bathroom. Apryl bent down to pull his underwear up the right way and Jey continued on to the bedroom, his sister in law and her family had worn him out. "I go night night with you, Mommy?"

"Uhn uhn, baby. Mommy and Daddy are sleepy. But you can stay up if you want."

"Kay, Mommy. I get snack?" He asked hugging her neck. "Pwease. I want grapes."

"Only if you promise to stay in your bed tonight."

Before he could agree, Jey was standing over them. Simba let his mama go to hug his daddy's leg. Jey rubbed his head lovingly. "Go on in your room, Josiah. Ima get your grapes." Jey walked him to his room, closing the door behind him. "I'm about to kill your son."

"What? We just got home. What could either of them have possibly done?" She asked laughing.

"You laughin now. Go look in our room."

Apryl shook her head figuring Milo had fallen asleep in their bed. He liked to be in their room when his parents were out and Jey hated it. She opened the door, walking slowly through the sitting area in their room not wanting to wake him. Her smile turned into a frown. Jey stood beside her, staring at their disheveled bed their son and his girlfriend slept peacefully.

"Do you wanna do it? Or should I?" Jey asked scratching his beard.

Apryl approached the bed, rubbing Milo's forehead and cheek. "Wake up, Milo," she said sweetly. He mumbled a few incoherent things as he rolled over onto his back, Aunastee taking her place on his chest. Apryl narrowed her eyes as she smacked his bare crest. "Wake your light bright ass up, Adrian!" Both teens jumped out of their sleep, their eyes landing on Apryl. "I know your ass did not fuck this girl in my damn bed! In my new sheets."

"We uh we, we," Milo stuttered.

"Spit. It. Out." Apry spoke through her teeth.

"We uh we fell asleep."

"Oh really," Apryl laughed kicking off her heels, "You really gon sit your naked ass in my bed and lie to me? Is that what you wanna do right now?"

Aunastee held the sheets tightly to her chest, afraid of the position she had put Milo in. "Mrs. Fatu, I am soooo sorry."

Apryl glared in the younger girl's direction. "Girl, shut your ass up talking to me." Aunastee shut her mouth immediately, not wanting to make things worse for him. "I asked you a question, Adrian Lorenzo Fatu. Answer me and answer me now."

"We fell asleep, Mama."

Jey turned around as soon as he saw Apryl approach the bed and reach for the covers. She snatched the covers off exposing their naked bodies. Milo covered him self with a pillow and Aunastee jumped from the bed grabbing her clothes rushing into the bathroom. When she closed the door, Jey turned back around.

"Since when you sleep naked, Lo?" Jey asked calmly. "And in my damn bed at that."

"See I thought he'd learned after we caught his ass smoking but no. No!" Apryl fussed tossing her purse and phone to the side. "I see you've been hanging around that dumbass cousin of yours too much. The no good one too."

Milo grabbed his briefs from the floor, and pulled them up. "They didn't have anything to do with this. I can make decisions on my own. Ya know?"

"Boy, don't get your ass knocked out talkin to your mama like that."

"Get a piece of ass and you think you something, huh?" Apryl pushed poking his chest. "You think cause you have sex, you can disrespect me and my house?"

"No, I don't think any of that, Ma. I'm just sayin."

Jey sucked his teeth cutting his son off. "Say what you gotta say and hurry up."

Milo saw Aunastee come out of the bathroom and nodded at her. She was shaking. She wasn't afraid of her people finding out, she was afraid of Apryl, Jey and what they would do to Milo.

"Take her home and you bring your ass back here, Adrian."

"Yes ma'am. Come on, Auni," he whispered quickly sliding pass his parents.

Aunastee stopped by Apryl grabbing her hand tightly. "Please hear him out."

"Goodbye, Aunastee," Jey said in a low tone. She nodded, running out of the room.

While Milo was gone, Jey and Apryl put the bed clothes and discarded trash into bags and sat them on top of the bed. The two were waiting downstairs in the living room when he got back. He went straight into the living room wanting to get it over with. He saw Jey's belt sitting in the coffee table and panicked.

"Wait," he called out as soon as Jey stood up. "Before you hit me! To be fair, I tried to talk to y'all about this and y'all shut me out."

"You told us you wanted to have sex, Milo. Not that you wanted to have sex in our room."

"Maybe if y'all would've listened to me then it would've have happened, Dad."

Jey stepped closer to him, sticking his neck out. "Are you gettin smart with me? Is that what I just heard?"

"No, sir. Look do what you want to me but please don't be mad at her. She didn't owe y'all anything, I do. I disrespected you guys' bed and there's nothing I can do to take that back. But leave her out of it."

Apryl rolled her eyes. She didn't want to hear shit about his girlfriend, she didn't want him to have in the first place. His scary ass about to get his ass whooped and here he was, worried about Aunastee.

"Your mama and I will talk to her sister. Don't you worry about that. What you need to be worried about is how your allowance is gonna pay for me and your mama a new bed."

"Cause I'm sure as hell not sleeping in a bed you were hunching your lil girlfriend in."

Milo huffed. He was getting frustrated again. "I'm about to be 17. How long did y'all think it would be before this happened?"

"Since you wanna be so damn disrespectful after your daddy beat your ass you can go stay with your cousin, Adrian."

"Mama, no, I don't wanna leave."

Apryl got up from the sofa, she was pissed but she didn't want to see him get whooped. If she saw, she would stop it from happening. She stood in front of Jey, her hand on his chest. He looked down at her, nodding, he knew what that look meant.

"It's up to your father. You better hope he's in a better mood after this, Adrian." She said in passing.

[soldierallen]

Married. 5

Summary: you're in love with Sebastian and you're one of his three best friends however he finds a women he loves and marries her.

Featuring: Chris Evans, Alexandra Daddario, Robert Downey Jr, Tom Holland, (Henry Cavill & Anthony Mackie on the phone/ in a flasback) Sebastian Stan.

Warnings: a very villainous Alexandra, probably a few curse words?

Part 4:

÷

"I'm sorry I called I didn't know who else to go to" she paced her living room, the quiet settling in Chris looking at her as she paced and explained

"Its okay I'm always here for you, you know that" he smiled a reassuring smile at her he knew she needed the reassurance when she called.

she hated asking for help she wanted to be independent do everything herself however that wasn't easy for her when she was always shy and an only child she never had anyone growing up until she was 11, met Chris they became the bestest friends then soon met Anthony, a year later they met Henry and Sebastian.

○○○○○○○○

"Okay I've made a big mistake a huge one" she looked at the four boys on the couch pacing back and fourth they followed her with their eyes

"What did you do?" Anthony asked

"I told my grandmother I had a boyfriend so she could stop setting me up on dates with her friends grandsons you gotta help me" she stopped pacing, her knee bounced up and down waiting for someone to stoop in save the day, crickets.

"Oh thanks guys FUCK" she nervously fixed her hair in an angry ponytail

"There's a guy I know that would love to take you" Chris said, the other three not following because well they didn't know who he was talking about

"I have a friend named Tom he owes me a favor" Chris said tapping his fingers on the arm chair

"You're serious? He's human right?" She asked

"Yes I'll ask him when I get home" she hugged Chris

A day had passed and he introduced them

"Y/n this is Tom Holland, Tom this is Y/n y/l/n" they shook hands "it's nice to meet you" "You're even more beautiful in person" Tom blurted out she blushed profusely he was a charmer.

"Whatever you need, I'm ready to do it no excuses" he said, Chris smiled at the interaction between the two they looked really cute together he hopes they make it far.

And from that day forward she knew the lengths Chris would go for her.

○○○○○○○○

"I'm having a mental breakdown"

"Did you tell him about alex?"

"No I couldn't get to that part! I said I'm not going to your fucking wedding and I stormed off - I yelled at him i told him don't answer that fucking phone let me talk to you he answered it and my brain let hell break loose he never chooses me" She finally stopped pacing looking back and fourth as she stood up her nail digging into her skin trying to pull the skin off, a nervous habit she couldn't help it.

"Hey hey hey, you're stressing over nothing okay" he got up quickly to bring her to the couch " y/n You're in love with this man since I can't even remember how long, you can't stop loving him I understand one hundred percent you deserve to be happy" he cuddled into her on the couch her head on his chest his arm around her "but Whatever you think is right for you, do it you know yourself better than anyone else what you decide is purely what you know is good for you"

she closed her eyes and pulled in a breath letting it flow out through her nose "I think it's better if I just stop talking to him all together, I'm delaying it only because I don't want to lose him" he nodded he knows once this all blows over she'll lose him for good.

"I know" he held her stroking her hair "If you think that's good for you do it-" the door was knocked on

"hide" she whispered to Chris he stood up walking to her room closing the door behind him, she stood up fixing her clothes she had one of those chain locks, she opened the door the noise of the lock chain locking the only noise heard she looked out

The devil herself.

She shallowed not ready to face another problem today.

She opened the door fully but not letting her in, "what now?"

"I know what you saw, you seen me at the coffee shop and Henry saw me check in I know both of you know, you're not going to ruin my whole life that I built with one phrase said to Sebastian, we love each other"

"You don't fucking love him, you're cheating on him for God's sake!! you've been lying to him for months we caught you" Y/n was done being scared of her

"Well daddy knows you're CEO, you wouldn't want to loose your job at the company? Right? You're the creative director of the company. You wouldn't want to loose this opportunity all on a bad rep."

"Don't play dumb games like this were old enough to know right from wrong"

"Don't play god and you won't have to play games, Sebastian will find out sooner or later but If it comes out of your mouth you've got a lot coming y/n, if I go down you're going down with me" she said her piercing blue eyes staring right at her, getting closer to her face. this is what she was afraid of Sebastian and her job, Sebastian was going to end things with her whether he likes it or not and Alex was going to get her fired.

"Tell me one thing, why are you leading him on like this why are you... destroying him like this Sebastian could have such a full life"

"It's like playing with toys, you have the one toy you love bring it everywhere with you show it off it means the world to you without it you don't know what would happen, but then you come home and you see that one doll you bought awhile ago it's not the prettiest in the bunch, if anyone knew you liked the old doll better they would call you a hoarder you don't want to be a hoarder so you throw everything out and only have the nice pretty thing in front of you but right behind your closet door sits the doll you've loved your entire life" She said in such a villainous tone, y/n was taken a back

"Go home you nutcase" and she shut the door on her face, y/n held her breath and pulled out her phone clicking the stop voice memo the notification popping up

"new recording saved"

"CHRIS" she yelled out

"What the actual fuck" the door opened to her bed room he looked like nervous wreck, she locked the door behind her

"Is this women a villain from a comic book Jesus Christ" Chris said Clearly distraught from hearing that story

"I recorded the whole thing" she shallowed showing Chris her "New Recording" on voice memos he picked her up and sprung her around "you're a genius how did you know it was her?"

"I knew it was coming so I've been recording whoever comes to the door since the past four hours" she laughed trying to regain focus

"You're a sneaky little person" he smiled

"I learned from the best" she said his eyebrows furrowed

"Henry" she said nonchalantly

"Oh" he said

÷

"Mr Downey could I speak to you" she knocked on her boss's door she saw him her nerves circulating through her entire body they never truly spoke he asked for the work she did the work designing helping her team approving it and he was given the final approval and if he didn't like it all the work that everyone put since weeks could be thrown in the trash all in 5 seconds.

"You have the designs this early miss y/l/n?" He was confused looking at paperwork on his desk & back up at her

"Uh no not exactly I have to talk about something important" she was at the risk of losing her job if she had the wrong thing.

"If you want a raise I can't give it to you right now" he said "No sir i- it's personal."

"Okay shoot?" He said giving her his now full attention, "sir I've been at this company for three years as the creative director you don't understand how grateful I am to have this job, to be in this community to have you the giving and loving man that you are hire me"

"Y/n You put in a lot of hard work it was a crime not to give you this job you clearly deserved it" he said very seriously.

"Thank you sir, I have made myself an enemy in the higher ups, Mr Daddario's Daugther.."

He nodded "that man does whatever his daugther says it's a dishonor for everyone who works for him" he shallowed fixing his posture a little "she's trying to get me fired, she's going to ask her father to tell you to fire me and find some kind of excuse" she tried swallowing her nerves which wasn't helping "I didn't want to come and do this, however I don't want to lose this" she looked around at his awards for the magizne they produced the awards for articles, a whole segment he did in the New York Times.

"Please don't fire me over a phone call"

He sat back on his expensive leather chair, he loosened his tie.

"I respect you I've always have but this...ive never respected you like this ever before" she tried not to show her smile but her eyes told a different story "you really want this job?" "More than anything sir" she said being very serious

"Well, if mr Daddario tells me to fire my best CD I'll tell him to stick it where the sun don't shine" he smiled standing up "Mr Downey thank you sincerely" she went to go shake his hand "nope this is a hug moment" he said she laughed and gave him a hug, she walked out she's never felt so powerful in her entire life it was only 4 days until the wedding she knew it was over today it was finished.

She laughed in the hallway jumping, she heard someone laughing a man she turned around it was Tom...Holland

"You're back" she said with a smile, they broke up for one reason only he was leaving to another country for a job in entertainment he was a director for movies and tv shows I totally supported him however we knew the long distance wasn't going to last it's been a year.

"You know every time I see you, you have this glow you get more beautiful every time" he smiled getting closer to her her face blushed she wasn't prepared for the compilment

"What are you doing here" she said gesturing to her place of work & trying to weigh down the redness in her cheeks "I came to see you, I know your friends wedding is coming I thought maybe we could possibly...go together" he said still smiling ear to ear finally face to face to a women he did absolutely fall in love with, she fell in love with him to but she knew it wasn't right for her.

"I'm going to ruin the wedding tonight actually" he gave her a questionable look "his bride has been cheating on him for months I didn't have the heart to tell him." "That's horrible" he said "I know, you still have the same number" she laughed "yeah" he said

"Call me tomorrow we'll catch up" they hugged, everything went smoothly the entire day it was great.

It was a late night coming home, it was one of those days where it felt like you want to just be alone sulk she had a mission though..

Stop that god damn wedding.

She changed out of her work clothes into normal clothes which consisted of a sweater jeans and sneakers, she made a conference call to the three boys "Its happening I have the keys in my hand and it's happening im freaking out" "Don't be nervous it'll look suspicious" Henry said "like Henry said chill we're gonna get through this together" Anthony said "I just I'm- I don't want to break his heart.. I never wanted to break his heart"

"His heart was going to get broken anyways" Chris said "Yeah but not by me."

At Sebastian's house

"Why is she not coming why won't she answer my calls" he said to himself as he brushed his teeth

"Babe who are you talking to?" Alex yelled out

"Nobody" he yelled back she came to the door and knocked on it he opened the door she wore a silk lacey nightie it's like she wasn't even wearing clothes..that was the idea I guess

"Baby what's wrong?" She said he spit in the sink "I didn't want to tell you cause I didn't want you to know, she's not coming to the wedding" he was really upset "who" she asked

"Y/n she got angry she was trying to tell me something and I wasn't caring I answered your phone call and she blew up on me when we got here, she screamed I'm not going to your fucking wedding my heart broke she's been with me my entire life I'm getting married to the women I love and she's not coming?"

Alex thought here's her chance to ruin it all.

"Finish I gotta tell you something" she patted his chest and sitting on the bed, he rinsed and sat next to her

"What's up" he said giving her a comforting look his hand on her leg

"I didn't want to tell you this I've been keeping this secret it's been killing me for months, y/n threaten to ruin the wedding because she's in love with you"

Sebastian's stomach turned he felt like he was going to throw up his nerves circulating through out his entire body

"What are you talking about?" He said his voice coming out shaky his nerves getting the better of him, this wasn't what he was expecting.. she's in love with me? He thought...why didn't she tell me why was she doing this

"She told me she's going go ruin the wedding and and - I don't deserve to be with you" her fake tears about to well up "I told her you're trying to ruin our lives at what cost?"

"For him to be with me, she's a psycho I told her if you ruin my wedding he'll never forgive you" her fake tears ran down her face he was soothing her through her "grief"

"I didn't want to tell you because you love her like your sister I wasn't going to ruin it for you I'm so sorry" she cried "Its okay I'm going to fix this" he stood up "what are you going to do?" She said wiping her face "ruin her like she did to you." He called her on the phone he was angry she threatened his wife? What kind of animal does that!

"Where are you" he asked trying to calm his anger

"I was coming over to you?" She said

"Don't I'll be there in 20 minutes" he said

"Seb what is this about?" She said

"Me and you everything" he hung up ready to get into his car and end his friendship with y/n.

Tagged: @hiddlestonstansworld @lovely-geek @imcalledflorence @misz-adrii @escapistdreamer-wishfulthinker @someplxce @cuddlesforlashton @coffeebooksandfandom @weasley16 @ilovethewayyourheartbeats @vogueworthy-barnes @xeniarocks @thisismysecrethappyplace @racheo91

[caasiturner]

Love Is a Four Letter Word.

I must start this off by apologizing. This will most likely be one of the most rambling things I will ever compose. I have been pondering the meaning of this word “Love”, what it means to actually define it, and/or live it out or truly believe it.

Today’s society would say love is a feeling or a physical act. It’s being happy with a person, sex, having intimacy, etc. Others would say it’s not real, it’s simply an influx of chemicals to our brain.

Well. Here’s a fun quote.

“Love is a misunderstanding between two fools”

-Oscar Wilde

Wow. Way to be really hopeful there bud.

Well I want to know what this thing really is, I want to know what emotion causes these countless songs, these beautiful films and shows, and has started many a war.

(Please Pause and play the song 'I Want To Know What Love Is’ by Foreigner now. Done now? Ok good). 

The opposite of fear....is love.

To love is to be brave. It means being willing to put your heart and your emotions out on the line. It means you’re willing to be broken, to face danger, to face heart ache and all sorts of negative emotions.

The opposite of fear....is love. 

If you truly love something you don’t fear it. I don’t fear potatoes. I wouldn’t say I love them, but I don’t fear them. They taste good and can be made into many different dishes and are awesome with ketchup. Sorry. The Irish is talking.

I do fear relationships though. I fear the inevitable end. The thought of the girl I have been with on top of someone else, throwing away all our memories and chalking them up as a blur from her past, that scares me. I fear the moment when that girl realizes she no longer wants me and that I actually make her extremely unhappy.

I have had three girls tell me they love me. Nearly every time it was an accident. The first, I’m pretty sure I said it first and over text. High school Isaac was not know for his smoothness. The second time was in a college dorm room as I was hanging out with this girl. I later found out she had a boyfriend so that made things a bit awkward. Also btw, she chose him over me. In her words, I was safe option and she wanted to be free of commitment. The last time was in my car last year Halloween. My girlfriend at the time and I had just gotten back to her place and I said something corny and sweet and it slipped right out of her mouth. It took me a moment because I didn’t realize how serious she wanted things, but I quickly said it back as I realized my feelings were the same.

You never forget the last time a person says “I love you” to you. My high school sweetheart said it right before she walked out of my college apartment and out of my life. The second girl says it on a regular basis but it is as a friend way. My last girlfriend said it as I walked her to her car before we broke up via face time two days later. When I close my eyes, I can still picture the scene. What each girl was wearing, what the weather was, the hope I had in my heart that everything would work out. The tremendous love I had for them.

The opposite of fear....is love. 

To be honest. I don’t know if I’ve ever truly loved another girl. According to this quote, the opposite of fear is love and I have always feared. If you love you don’t fear. You don’t fear the future, you don’t fear their past no matter how awful it may have been, and you certainly don’t fear the present moment with them.  You don’t fear baring your soul to them, you don’t fear communicating to them your hurts and faults no matter how they respond, you don’t fear your relationship failing because you hope in all things. Love is not fearing despite the circumstance.

Maybe I’m the problem. I fear loving and allowing myself to be loved.

I used to joke around with my girlfriends and be like “You don’t love me”. I meant it as a joke, but maybe I was really trying to cover up an insecurity.

Love is sacrifice.

I hear that one all the time. Especially from old people. LoVe iS SaCrFiCe. haha. Sorry. It’s just so over said. But I suppose it’s true.

Love is laying down your desires. If I had my way I’d sleep till 10:30am every day and be up till 2am the next morning. Every girl I’ve ever dated is a morning person and loves breakfast. I was not good at sacrificing my sleeping for them. Sacrifice means travelling. I would drive every weekend to Stevens Point to see my girl. I even did it in the middle of a freaking blizzard, where I couldn’t see a thing and I could only go 15 mph. And we were fighting at the time! I had no reason to sacrifice my safety, except I wanted her in my life. Not patting myself on the back, but at least I did that right.

Love is sacrifice.

It takes alot of time. It takes money that I would rather spend on tattoos or I don’t know. Dune Buggies. Onion Rings. Skateboards.

Love takes a lot of courage.You have to sacrifice and be willing to open up and communicate. You have to be willing to put your soul on the line and let another rip it to shreds should they wish.

You will have to sacrifice your pride and lose a few fights. You may have to compromise on some issues. You may have to stop being stingy. I’m so awful at all three of those things. I love to win. I don’t like being wrong. I don’t like being broke.

Love is sacrifice.

Love is scary, man. I once jumped off a fifteen foot cliff into water and white water rafted just because I thought I loved a girl. That was sacrifice. Sacrifice of my comfort and being willing to put myself out there because it made her happy.

(Note: Both sides should be doing this. Not just the man should be compromising and sacrificing. Sorry you crazy feminists).

Love is meeting another right where they are, accepting them, and helping them move to a higher plane.

It’s not a feeling or an action. Those just make up Love. It’s kinda like a car. Love is the car. The feelings and actions and intimacy and whatever are the tires, the gas, the oil, etc. Love is a struggle. It;s not easy changing oil in the dead of winter. But love keeps going when the feelings are gone and there seems no reason to stay (this excludes abusive relationships). It’s work to put on new tires, but I would rather do that than try and buy a new car. Sure, it’s easy to quit on a relationship, but the loans I took out (aka the emotions and mental investment) are worth the bit of pain I may have to go through. I think most relationships quit because the accessories are gone. You’ve grown discontent, you've tried to change the other, etc. when really you just need to get back to the basics.

sacrificing sucks in the moment. But the future investment is so worth it. Think of sacrificing for your s/o like sacrificing for a doctorate degree. In the moment it blows. You’re steep in debt, you study all the time, you have no social life. But in the end...You make a ton of money and have an awesome job. The short sacrifice equals a long reward.

Love is meeting another right where they are, accepting them, and helping them move to a higher plane. 

Helping. Not forcing. Not molding. Not making. Helping. As in working with them. Holding their hand as they take steps forward. Meeting them with all their hurts, all their baggage, all their pain...and accepting them. Not fixing them. Just being there and saying “I accept you for where you are” and having your actions follow that.

Accepting. Accepting the fact they may have made countless mistakes before they met you. Accepting that They may have made questionable decisions, ended up in too many wrong beds, snorted up too many substances. But accepting that as their past. loving them for where they are and then helping them move forward.

I try to make the movement happen in an instant. I am not good at waiting, being patient, slowly building trust and then helping them take steps forward. I'm not good at Accepting when they make mistakes and then restarting the process again.

Obviously, I am no expert in any of the advice I have written as I am still single, but then again “coaches don’t play.”

I already regret typing that. 

The Bible says the attributes of Love is, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Cor. 13) 

That’s deep. Even if you’re not religious, you gotta admit that’s deep. I’m certainty not those things. In fact, 90% of the time in my relationships I am the complete opposite of those things.

But I don’t want to be that way. I want to love. I don’t want that word to be sour in my mouth, or something I am ashamed to say. I don’t want to fear the implications of saying that word, and be afraid of the rejection. I want to sacrifice and dote on another. I want to learn from my mistakes of trying to fix people and force them into my "model" girl.

Point is, if someone is worth something to you, there will be pain. Life sucks, so thus loving sucks to. But If I can have even half of the happiness in the good relationships I have seen...I’ll be happy.

Love may be a four letter word, but I want to say it.

I want to say it endless times to someone that will say it endlessly back no matter how awful life gets around us.

Till then dear one,

Much Love.

[dovechim]

Ok buckle up! Jin and Hobi: I'm positive they're scared of, or at least afraid to ride, a horse. They're big animals and it may be scary when you're not used to them. They would make the horses nervous and impatient, and that's half a receipt for disaster, especially if the horse is not used to it. Besides, horses know when their riders are scared or unable to control them. Right then and there you've lost your horse and he will be playing with you the whole time. Next ask, Yoongi and Joon.

did u mean saddle up :”) yeah i agree!! ive always loved horses so i’ve never been nervous around them, except those really nasty and high strung ones, but it helps if u know how to read their body language. and ur right!! horses love to test your limits and see what they can get away with. best case scenario their horse would be plodding around the ring inactively the whole time, cutting corners and stopping on their own/ wandering off to eat some grass, or worse case... D:

Yoongi and Joon: they're obviously way more calm, and that counts a lot when you're close to nervous animals. I can see them being a little scared at the beginning, but after some corrections here and there, they would get the hang of it. Yoongi would probably have problems with his posture and Namjoon with his balance, so I can totally see then falling a few times lol. Btw, if you fall from a horse, take the reins and jump on top of it again. Always. Next ask: Tae!

i can see yoongi charming his horse like a real horse charmer 😭 actually i think he might be one of the better ones too!!! but these two, if they fell they probably wouldn't make such a big deal out of it, and that goes a long way in keeping the horse calm too!!!

Tae: he's obviously the more experienced one. He's not bad, but that doesn't mean he's good. I cringed the whole time I watched him ride and I wanted to scream "WHO TAUGHT THAT CHILD HOW TO RIDE A HORSE!?" His posture was off, reins too lose, hands too high and feet bad positioned on the stirrups. I don't know how he didn't fall. He has the basics and I believe that he could be much better if he had a proper instructor. They all can, actually. Next ask, Jungkook and Jimin.

ohhhhh i watched the video of him and firstly, i gotta say i was impressed with the kid. he was doing rising trot and canter!!!!! something i could only do after countless years of lessons. he was on the wrong leading leg & i guess u could see his inexperience too... but he stayed on, and he was really brave. cantering doesnt look that fast, but when you’re on the horse, it nearly feels like galloping :”) he probably does know the basics, just threw them all out the window the moment his horse picked up the pace lmao

Kook and Jimin: Jungkook is obviously confident, brave and eager to learn and improve. That's worth a lot! He would listen carefully to everything said and even experiment a lil by himself, and see what works and doesn't work for him. He would quickly correct himself if in a bad position of if he had the reins too loose. He would be amazing in just a few lessons. Jimin is a dancer, and I think that's a plus when it comes to all the work that involves riding a horse. And that's a lot. 1/2

sigh as much as i hate to admit, you're right. that brat is good with his body. and he's good at controlling his body too. i guess maybe the only problem might be his impatience if he’s given a beginner horse.

Jimin would probably be a lil scared on first encounter, but he would do more and better as soon as he got comfortable. I also think he has the confidence and will to learn needed to be a good rider. Well this is it. All of them can be great, but this is what I think a first approach would look like. Also, don't be scared to approach a horse, just be calm, don't make over the top gestures and pay attention to it's body language. I'm emo now, I even miss the smell of stables. Hope you enjoyed!

i honestly think jimin’s seat would be really good. like flexible dancer hips and all!!! plus he has the thighs to grip that horse so he won’t fall. and he would be really enchanted with the horse so i dont think he’d be scared of it... the only problem is his road rage (lmao) and his angry yells which he needs to tone down :”) my cute baby prince charming on a horse 😭 im also emo now, thank you so much for sharing!!! this was so fun to discuss!!!

[peachymess]

Hey, just dropping by to ask how life has been lately -- how are you holding up? It seems like you've been kinda better nowadays but I wanna make sure. So how have you been? Is there anything special you wanna talk about, whether it's good or not?

You know... anon. This is probably one of the more heartwarming asks I’ve gotten in a while. Unprovoked, earnest want to hear how the person behind the blog - past SNK - is doing. Like a request to hear more of the “personal” tagged posts I make. That’s just so touching to me. I have the feeling that people who are interested in me, are so at least partially because I have a connection to SNK; that if I dropped out of the fandom, I’d be an instant unfollow (not that there’s anything wrong with that - but there’s something special about feeling like someone cares past their own interests - “forget about SNK, I just wanna hear how you’re doing” JPHA anyone?) So thank you. When I saw this yesterday, I had the instant thought that it was probably from my best friend, and the only reason I cast that idea aside, is because he could just ask me on messenger haha. Anyways! Anon, I will tell you how I’ve been doing! Someone asks me “how are you”, and I’m just jumping right in and replying honestly, haha! (Under the cut, because this will be long; life updates are usually long, ya know)↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓

You’re right, I’m really good! This time, last year, I had just made a suicide pact with myself; I was so exhausted I was done fighting for myself. I said “someone’s gotta help me. But if nobody does, or nothing has changed within the time SNK is over, I’m calling it quits and offing myself”. And I meant it. I’ve had so many hard periods like that, and I’m running out of lives. I thought “next time will be game over”. That pact does NOT still stand. But it did for the better part of 2017. I can’t remember when it changed. Oh, wait, I do: the moment I gave myself the out, I felt so much relief washing over me. Not having to worry about the pathetic failure future I had ahead of me, not having to worry about the education I was too sick to complete, having to acquire a house without the means somehow... All worries about the future were lifted off me. And I had an out. It probably sounds really strange, but as soon as I’d decided to die (unless life worked itself out, aka win-win/good life - escape from bad life), life felt more bearable. I was still having a bad depressive period, so I was still not good, but I guess the pact nullified all the stress and anxiety connected to the future. When I accepted having none at all, anything else started feeling like a pluss once I decided not to die after all. The problem with “someone else has to fight for me”, though, is that apart from my parents (who can’t really do much since this is internal and they aren’t professionals - although boy did they try, bless) nobody did. I mean, I have you guys to love me, but in my every day life, who could fix me? Coincidentally, in this very same time frame, I was suddenly rejected further help from the mental health organ and I just... had no choice but to fight harder than ever just to get the amount of help I’d gotten before. It’s a big messy ordeal that took almost a year to fix. Complaints to file, waiting, more waiting, more stops to visit, etc... Basically, my notion of “being too exhausted to lift another finger for myself” was tested, and thanks to pure outrage, I was able to fight to win my right to help back. I’ve talked about it before so I won’t repeat that stuff. But the fact is, once the heaviest darkness lifted (I have recurring depression, so it just comes and goes in waves) towards the end of 2017, I carried with me an exercised ability to fight that I didn’t have going into the year. And at some point,... I don’t know how, but I was just so strongly set on fighting, fighting, fighting. I think about Armin and how he never stopped moving. He had his moments of weakness, where he thought he had no more to give, but at the end of the day, he’d be further along than when the sun rose. And I was doing the same. Because my roomie was moving at the start of 2018, I had to start thinking of how to move forward as well. I’d grown complacent in the apartment we rented together, but with him, it was too comfortable just to stay in that place mentally and in life. Just in time, I had a rude awakening to the fact that I also depended too much on other people. They were my pillars, and if they crumbled, I didn’t hold on my own. *sigh* Basically, I learned a lot in 2017, and grew a lot. At the very end - thankfully after the depression was over - I had to do a sudden crash course in how to find my own legs to stand on again, and how to close off my heart so it wasn’t so vulnerable. I went through the ice king stage of thinking I’d never let myself care about anyone else again, but I’ve found a good middle ground where I’m able to care about others but also not needing them to care about me back. This is all a long story that I don’t care to tell because it’s trivial, but also still affects me actually. But I grew a lot on it, so I’m thankful for the experience.

The TL;DR of 2017 is that after deciding I was too exhausted to fight anymore, fate forced me to fight harder than ever, and I learned a lot thanks to perfectly timed challenges, ultimately allowing me to enter 2018 a stronger person. The turning point was still the 7th of December: my tattoo. It’s of Armin’s name, for those that didn’t know (I posted it here so just search “tattoo” on my blog if you wanna see). I’d wanted to tattoo his name on my arm for quite some time, but I was scared. Because I knew that if I had his name on my arm, I could never dishonor him by killing myself. Having the tattoo would thus be my official declaration of giving up suicide as an option (ever!). Now, that’s a scary thought to someone who lives off the relief that having an opt out gives... But as time went on, and the warrior spirit had found a home in my heart, I slowly turned from fearing it, to needing it. Eventually, I called my dad and basically said “I need an appointment asap”, and he hooked me up with his tattoo artist friend. The idea came to me when I realized that despite any kind of depression, whenever I thought about Armin, any other feeling would be forgotten for a moment, as I was reminded of the love I feel for him, the motivation he gives me, and so many more good feelings. Thinking about him basically causes an explosion of warm complex joy within my chest. It spreads through my body and I always smile. So my thesis was that if I tattooed his name on my arm, and I hold my phone in my hand 24/7, I’d see his name all throughout the day, every day, and thus my depression would be repelled by this overwrite happiness all! the! time! And, anon? Thesis turned law; it works! It’s gonna be 4 months since the tattoo now, and I’ve only felt suicidal 3 days since then - and although I cal tell my body is ready to head into another depressive period, I’e managed to fight it back 4 times (4 attacks that all lasted about a week, but in the end, I managed to fight it off). It’s like I’m a werewolf, and every once in a while, the full moon is back and I struggle to stay human - and I’m managing, much thanks to a new sigil on my skin, keeping the beast caged. 

Now, it would be a lie to say that the tattoo is the only reason, though: in wake of my change, and with this new intense fighting spirit, I also made a resolution to try something new: refuse to be sad. You know how people say smiling will trick the brain to think you’re happy? It sounds stupid as hell, but I finally decided that you know what?, it doesn't hurt to try. I’m gonna insist that I’m happy, even if my brain says otherwise. Fake it till you make it. And it’s working - a little wavering included, but who isn’t sad from time to time? Because my capacity to do things has been gravely weakened, though, I’m on semi-welfare now, though. It’s a kind of welfare where they haven’t accepted your application for welfare yet and you get like a tiny allowance every other week to live off of instead (not meant for a permanent basis, as it’s not nearly enough - usually given to people who are between jobs for a month or two, just to get by). I don’t have the money to buy a house, but I’ve been moving for so many consecutive years that it’s jeopardizing my mental health so I’m trying something new: I moved back with my parents, and I’m currently trying to figure out what the next step is. I want to get a house somehow, so I have a permanent base to grow off of. I know that will take a lot stress off me to focus my tiny quota of strength on something else (like figuring out what to do about education/work). But since I don’t have the means, I can’t get a regular type of loan. There is a special kind you can get if you’re on welfare, so I’m currently applying for welfare, but to apply, I need to do a lot of tests to show where my ability level lies, but I’m not able to do them so I need to get papers from doctors to confirm that. I had already “proven myself” but then I lost my psychologist, case worker and house doctor all at once, so I have to spend about a year extra to re-prove myself. And then I can apply if they say I can apply, and then I have to wait for a yes or a no, and then work from there... So you see, right now, my fate is in others’ hands. I’m basically in a limbo of waiting, then doing some sort of meeting, then waiting for it to process, so I can meet someone else and wait again. I’m currently waiting for my caseworker to answer to request to meet her so I can ask how my case is coming alone since i haven’t heard from them in over a month... It’s quite... frustrating. But I’m a professional when it comes to dealing with these things, since I’m over a decade deep in this sh-. 

In the meantime, though! I am working hard to keep my mental stability in check! And I’m doing that by setting monthly goals, and starting every day with breakfast and writing down daily goals! It helps me structure my days and I’ve gotten so much done this way! It’s helping me in all sorts of ways! And although I don’t have a lot of material things to boast with, I feel more successful now than I ever have, because I’ve done another huge leap in personal growth and I’m growing more and more apt to tackle life. Just wait. I might not have a lot now, but when we do tally in twenty years from now, I’ll have the earthly goods that my peers have, and a more developed psyche on top of that! I’m on the path to finding true happiness, and that’s so much more important than following the highway to wealth. 

Ah, sorry for how long this got... But yeah... I have a lot of small joys every day that I’d like to share. My journey is really making me happy. But I’m afraid I’m just boring or annoying people. I get the occasional “write what you want” ask, but I can’t shake the feeling anyways. I’m working on getting better at sharing, though. Thank you for giving me the push to write this. Take care, anon!