#'you should not depend on this collaboration with X' I NEVER wanted to do it and it hasn't given me anything useful!!!

[saltcherry]

feel like my boss is lightly gaslighting me about some things but whatever, at least she is responding to my concerns?

[queenpiranhadon]

ᴅᴀʏ ꜱɪx: April 19th

Syn: You make the cake and decorate for the party.

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Reader

A/N: I'm actually really happy about how this event turned out- all the fics written in this collaboration can be read separately, but it's recommended you read them all in order :) The master list is here, go check out the other writers because they're so amazing and talented AUGH.

Warning(s): Cursing (it's Katsuki what are you gonna do), bad baking terminology, maybe ooc idk, reader is referred to as female like once- Kiri calls her ma'am, reader compliments Katsuki's ass lmao, just fluffy in general though, class 3-A, reader is in the hero course.

This was it. Tomorrow, your plan would finally be put in motion.  

It was the 19th of April, and to say the very least, you were stressed.  

Stressed might not be the word for it. More like anxiety, excitement and fear into one overwhelming emotion that you couldn't convey into words. Tomorrow was Katsuki’s 18th birthday. And everything had to be perfect.  

You sat in your dorm room, thumbing the pages of the cookbook you so loving made him, picturing his own rough hands touching the book the same way when you gave it to him. Your heart warmed at the thought- your boyfriend never ceased to give you butterflies, even without intending to.  

Doubt plagued your mind however- what if he didn’t like it? What if he thought it was too dumb, or too simple- should you have done more?!  

No, you scold yourself. You needed to trust yourself. You knew Katsuki well- he excelled in the extravagant, but he still found joy in the smaller things.  

Still... you couldn’t help but worry. This would be a big day for him-a huge milestone. You didn’t want to mess it up.  

Setting the cookbook down, you finally place it into the bag you had for him, jet black with orange stuffing. The small action put the whole situation into perspective for you.  

This was finally happening. 

But you still had work to do today. Pulling out your phone, you open the messaging app, and click on the contact you needed.  

You: Mission Keep Katsuki Away is a go >:) 

Kiri🥊: Yes ma’am >:)) 

Turning off your phone, you pocket it, and leave your dorm room. All that was left to do was the cake.  

After slaving through the school day, you all return to your dorms, with the exception of Kirishima and Katsuki, the former dragging the latter away for something he called “a bro date”. You chuckled at his excuse, and left them to their own devices as you returned to Heights Alliance, sending a text to Kirishima as you walked.  

You: Hey! What’s your status? 

Kiri 🥊: Just got to the bus! I’ll keep him busy as long as I can 

You: Perfect!! 

You: Thank you so much again 

Kiri 🥊: No problem! He’s going to love it, you put so much work into making this special for him :D 

You: Aww...thanks Kiri! Fingers crossed 😭 

You weren’t terrible at baking per se, but you weren’t no Sato. And you would ask him to make the cake himself, but you didn’t want to ask too much of anyone.  

So it was up to you. You wanted to make a small two-tiered cake, it would be enough to feed all of 3-A and hopefully there would be leftovers.  

Sifting through the pantry you found what you needed one by one. Cocoa powder, dark cocoa powder, eggs, milk, butter, flour, baking soda, the list went on. You were making a chocolate cake, covered in dark chocolate ganache, drizzled with caramel. Katsuki wasn’t a big fan of sweets, and you knew that, but cake was cake. You also knew that he secretly did have a sweet tooth so he wouldn’t be too upset. Hopefully the bitterness of the dark chocolate would make the rest of the cake a little less sweet to align with the explosive blond’s tastes.  

Grabbing three large bowls and the mixer Sato let you borrow, you get to work, mixing wet and dry ingredients separately, cracking eggs, melting chocolate, and whisking like your life depended on it.  

While you baked, you popped in an earbud, sweet music, lifting your mood and dancing around the kitchen, in your own world.  

And hour later, the two tiers of the cake were in the oven, (not before tasting the batter yourself of course) and you look around at the kitchen, the adrenaline rushing out of you. It was a mess. The was flour in your hair, on your face, and you’re pretty sure the cocoa powder on your shirt is going to stain.  

You sigh, taking off your earbuds and pausing the music from your phone. At least the cake was done.  

Grabbing the cleaning supplies from the closet, you get to work, making sure the kitchen was spotless so no one (namely Katsuki, for obviously reasons, and Ochaco and the self-proclaimed Bakusquad because they would beg you to have a taste of their own) would know what you were up to.  

The cakes were done by the time you finished, taking them out of the oven and sealing the two layers together with some ganache.  

You had asked Mr. Aizawa to reserve Gym Gamma for you previously, getting his permission to decorate the space for the party, and so you made your way there now, deciding to decorate the cake in the Gym itself so you wouldn’t have to move it afterwards.  

You got Ochako to float the cake and the toppings for it to the gym itself, so in the meantime, you busied yourself with setting up all the food- something you didn’t want to do yesterday as it would’ve gone stale.

You recruited the help of Kaminari, Sero, Mina and Kyoka to help you carry everything- including the mini fridge you saved up to buy to store the food and drinks overnight. You’d take them out the next morning.

When you got there, you were surprised to see Midoriya, Todoroki, Tsu, Iida, and Momo there alongside Ochako who explained they all wanted to help. 

You feel your smile stretch across your face, happy to see so many people who wanted to give Katsuki the best birthday ever.  

Splitting up the work, Midoriya, Todoroki and Iida went to go find the plates, cups, bowls, and cutlery you bought with Mitsuki - something you thought may have been overkill, but she had planned everything down to a T.

The others flitted around, either helping to put food or drink items into the fridge, or checking to make sure nothing happened to the decorations overnight.

You took to decorating the cake. Pouring the ganache over the first tier, you used it as an adhesive of sorts and you lifted the second layer on top of it. Once you did that, you poured the remaining ganache over the entire cake, evenly, so it created a pretty coat on top that you were sure it would add a nice crunch to the cake itself.

You groaned, stabbing your spatula into the quickly hardening ganache, having to ask Todoroki to heat it up every few minutes so that it wouldn’t harden completely- an annoyingly tedious task, but you knew Katsuki hated the taste of frosting- so hopefully he would appreciate the favor.

You waited for it to harden, then adding drizzles of caramel everywhere, and strategically placing strawberries where you could for a refreshing change in flavor.

And then lastly, adding thin golden candles to the cake, ten on the bottom row, and seven on the top. Momo created a special candle shaped like one of his gauntlets that you put in the center of the circle of seven candles on the top. And finally, you were done.

Momo made another contraption for you, a tall glass dome with temperature settings that you would put on the cake to prevent the strawberry from going bad overnight. After setting the cake on its stand, you put the dome over it, thanking Momo for her help.

It was then when you received two texts.

You open the first one, snorting when you read what it has to say.  

Katsu 💥🧡: Oi, I know you’re up to something- Shitty Hair just dragged me to the damn movie theater to watch some stupid Crimson Riot movie. 

You: Aww it couldn’t have been that bad!! 

You: Can’t the all mighty Lord Explosion Murder God Dynamight survive a short movie date? 

You: Plus I told you- I'm not up to anything lmao 

Katsu 💥🧡: I call bullshit 

Katsu 💥🧡: Plus that movie was three damn hours- short my ass 

You: To be fair, you do have a nice ass 

You: I KID I KID  

You: But I promise you’ll get extra cuddles when you get back my big baby 

Katsu 💥🧡: Fuck off 

Katsu 💥🧡: Meet me at my dorm after dinner

Katsu 💥🧡: And don’t think I’m letting at comment about my ass go 

You can’t stop the amused smile from spreading across your face as you check the other text message, one from Kirishima this time.  

Kiri 🥊: Hey! We’re about 15 minutes away- we'll be back around 18:32 PM 

You: Kiri jesus christ- you tell me this now?! 

Kiri: Sorry!! 

You put your phone down, yelling at everyone to finish up and get back to the dorms as soon as possible, people scrambling around to put the finishing touches together before bolting out of the gym, you along with them.  

Thankfully, you all made it back in time, flopping down on the couches just at the door opens to reveal a beaming Kirishima and a grumpy Katsuki.  

The latter raises an eyebrow at all of you, sending a narrow-eyed glare at you. 

“Why’re ya so outta breath?” He grunts suspiciously and you chuckle sheepishly in return.  

“Mina challenged Kaminari and Sero to go a piggyback race against Todoroki and Iida.” You laugh, the lie rolling off your tongue as the others nod in agreement. 

“We totally won.” Sero says smugly, and Todoroki sends him a confused look.  

“But-”  

Kaminari cuts him off, slinging his arm around the heterochromatic eyed boy nonchalantly. “It’s not winning if you use your quirk Todo-bro.” 

Katsuki rolls his eyes, all interest in the conversation out the window, as he starts making dinner for everyone, something he started doing a while ago when he lost faith in 3-A's ability to not burn the kitchen down.  

After you all settled down and ate, you and Katsuki returned to his room, making yourself comfortable in his bed as he joins you, pulling you close and letting his sore muscles melt into your embrace.  

You, however, couldn’t force yourself to relax, your body buzzing with excitement as tomorrow would arrive.  

Taglist ~

@gina239 @azzo0 @slayfics @peachsukii @cashmoneyyysstuff

@xbabyd0lli3x @lowkeyremi @starieq @angels-fantasy

@ah-mya @food8me @katsuisbaby @meowze4r @bigsimpo343

@seonne @wheezdostuff @berryvioo @icedemon1314 @mystic60

@kit-katsukii @stoned-anime-babe @kukikoooo

@le000xxgrd @tr-mha-fan

[ladyvictoriadiana]

Why the "good faith" argument doesn't work for HP/ JKR

TL; DR: JKR has, even though the discussion of racism and anti-Semitism in Harry Potter has been around for decades, never shown any support for a good faith interpretation of her works by acknowledging and apologizing for her "mistakes" - quite the contrary.

As the upcoming Harry Potter HBO series will undoubtedly, as has the publication of the latest Wizarding World Videogame, lead to an influx of "good faith" arguments by liberal HP fans who want to find reasons to watch the show without feeling guilty for compromising on their values. And I just want to help debunk these arguments*.

To break it down: Many liberal fans I've seen argue against a boycott of Rowling's works or related franchises use the following argument: "JK Rowling didn't know what she was doing, we should consider her works in good faith and not project our modern sensibilities on it" - this is basically a version of the "They are just a person of their time" argument that gets used all the time. However, this just doesn't work - especially in 2023.

Why? Well, because JKR has never shown any support for this argument herself. The arguments of racism and anti-semitism being present in the books (published 1997-2007) and movies (released 2001-2011) have been around for quite a while - just by searching for the keywords on Google and specifying the articles to be released between 1997 and 2001 I found a variety of articles on both topics which mentioned the portrayal of goblins as anti-semitic stereotypes [1] and discusses how race is portrayed in the book [2]. By widening the search parameters to include the end of the movie releases, I found more articles in a similar vein, arguing both sides of the aisle.

This means that JKR, at this point, has had over 22 years to address these concerns and clarify her stance both on racism and anti-semitism**. If she were acting in good faith, she would have done so. She would have, at some point between now and 1997, put out a statement along the lines of: "I have been made aware that my books/movies contain racist and anti-semitic stereotypes that harm the marginalized communities. I was not aware of how much harm I was causing because of the privileges I have experienced as well as a lack of critical thinking skills at the time of writing these books. I am deeply sorry for any harm that I have caused and will ensure that future publications will do their best to minimize this damage. Furthermore, I will endeavor to educate myself further on both of these topics and will, additionally, donate x amount of money to charities that support anti-racist and Jewish causes." Now, I am sure that JKR and her agency would be much better at formulating such a statement than me, but you see what I mean.

Now, concrete measures would, of course, have depended on when precisely such a statement was published and how it was published - in collaboration with publishers or Warner Brothers or only by JKR herself. But the fact that such a statement was never published and that JKR seems to have taken no measures to support those communities she has harmed to me suggests that she is fine with what she wrote/produced. And that, to me, suggests that she is, at best, ignorant and, at worst, racist and/or anti-Semitic.

I can understand making mistakes and being blinded by your privilege - I myself for the longest time did not realize why certain tropes in German fairy tales (and Harry Potter) as well as a variety of other books I read as a child/teenager are anti-semitic and/or racist and also had to be educated by other, better-informed people (largely online but also at uni). Making mistakes is understandable - but how you deal with them shows your true character and intent. And JKR, in my opinion, has not dealt with her "mistakes" (if you are willing to extend her enough good faith to call them that) in a way that shows she has matured, educated, and informed herself.

On the contrary, as her latest release within The Wizarding World shows, she is still using anti-semitic tropes literal decades after people first brought to the public's attention how problematic this is and how she is harming vulnerable communities with her works and her seal of approval on related franchises. Rather, she seems to be doubling down, which shows her lack of concern for the Jewish community and her lack of willingness to change.

This is what should turn any liberal HP fan off the works and any, especially official, related works forever - not that JKR lacked critical reading and thinking skills in 1997 when she first created the goblins from pre-existing folklore and created a world that claims to be race-blind but has an entire creature-race of slaves but that she still has not made any changes in her attitude or her work to show that she is aware that she made mistakes and caused harm.

Please feel free to add additional commentary, especially if you are part of communities hurt by JKR, as well as sources or opinions to this post. If I have said anything that you consider wrong or problematic, please do contact me via this post or via DMs - I have tried, in the last years, to educate myself as best as possible but I am aware that I am not perfect. I also hope it provides some arguments when coming across remaining HP fans.

*Just to clarify: I myself am neither Jewish nor am I a person of color and I would ask you to not just read my post but also read content by members of both communities discussing their concerns with Harry Potter/ JK Rowling. I will also not argue against these points from the perspective of either of these groups (because I don't belong to them) but rather wish to provide a general argument.

[1] https://www.nytimes.com/2001/11/26/movies/potter/readers-comment-on-harry-potter-and-the-sorcerers-stone.html

[2] https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2000/07/31/under-the-spell

** I am aware that JK Rowling, in the early 2000s, visited a Holocaust Museum and compared the ideologies of Deatheaters and Voldemort to the ideologies of the Nazis - however, this does not address the issue of her using anti-semitic stereotypes to portray the goblins in both her books and movies (and just always felt a bit icky to me personally).

[homestuck-vocals]

What’s your opinion on the Broadwaystuck revival?

*I don't follow tags and have been in an "inattentive" phase for a couple months now so I'm not keeping up and idk how much of the following is ACTUALY relevant to this iteration. I do not know annnnything about Broadwaystuck 2023 other than it seems to be another 1:1 casted group. * I've been on record for years as not being a huge fan of the "Broadwaystuck model" where there's an "official cast" where each character is voiced by only one person, other than for a specific project with a deadline such as a musical or planned album. I think that it might result in:

driving away interested parties cause their fave is taken. It's exclusive by design

conflict over casting, which has historically been big drama

lagging collaboration because e.g. everyone wanting a Vriska* number depends on The One Vriska's personal course schedule and workload, not to mention interests and range

similar issues if someone goes inactive without telling anyone, anything regarding that character just comes to a halt and you have to put mod energy into that situation

which is a concern for a project billed as producing things on an *indefinite* basis. there will be turnover, and this model always looks like it struggles with that possibly because of point 1

lots of effort on advertising recasts, auditions, and callbacks, when The One Vriska drops out, *after* you've told all the other Vriska singers that she's taken and they've lost interest

IMO, self-duet like "Past Me, We're Going Down" and the Karkat x Karkat "Loathing" are so much better because there's two voices! I LOVE hearing VAs for the same character together. You don't get that if you've already told all the other VAs for that character to keep walking.

*just picked vriska cuz she's so popular

I have clicked through a lot of dead group blogs where the last dozen posts are repeat attempts to cast and re-cast, and I remember the drama in 2012 about who got to be e.g. Official Broadway Nepeta. And I remember personally applying for Broadway Kanaya in 2012 and then going o well didn't get cast :/ and never trying again. I mean I could have struck out on my own but there's reasons people like to be in a collaborative network for this sort of thing.

I got the sense that it kept being replicated in group after group not because it was functional (original Broadwaystuck lasted like. four? five months? end of 2011 to april? 2012?) but because of how bright it shone, and glittered with (some preexisting) BNFs, while it briefly worked. One of the most common reactions I see in the chat of a listen party I'm hosting is "we should remake Broadwaystuck!". It's undeniable that the project had huge impact. I'm not sure that means that its successor in *impact* will or should operate the same way.

to be fair we apparently did Not At All solve this with whatever we tried with Universe C# after 2019 SAHcon, i think (hope?) in part because Discord is such a clumsy and dark platform for what we were doing. I think it's great that the current project is back on Tumblr, which being on the clearweb (make sure those blogs are search indexed!) is much more accessible to curious passers by than a locked Discord. It's also better than Twitter because Twitter is outright hostile to audio creators. Anyway the ideeeeeea there was that you would record samples for as many characters as you wanted, creating a bank of actors interested in each character as reference for collaboration, plus whatever the hell you wanted to do as an individual, so theoretically you could @tag all the actors for a given character at once for a highly targeted casting call for the specific song you wanted to make!

But this other way of doing things didn't get going. It may be that one of the upsides to the casted model is that there is a sense of a Job To Do that motivates actually producing things more than a casual free for all. I mean, everything I have actually made was because articulatelyComposed needed one more mezzo for a deadline. save for my Candy!Dave "Edges Of The World" that i Do Not Have The Fucking Range For. Chaotic tenors, call me I think the new project has folks with experience on some of those old casted projects so maybe they will iterate on some of the shortcomings. whether my opinion on organization structure is *relevant*? no, i'm not in the group AND folks actually in the group have more direct experience with similar groups than I do. i'm just someone who does data entry as a hobby.

this does all make me want to brush up some of my old WIPs

edit: firsthand feedback on how BS23 works

"part of my job on staff for the project is to set out the base structure of our albums and when songs are released and how in certain cases. we set like… a skeleton of the album we're going to make with a set end point and certain things at certain points (you cant fight the homestuck being track 100 of volume one and thus the album's closing number, track 50 of the current album being beautiful [the song], stuff like that.)

we haven't had any conflict over casting as of yet, least not that I'm aware of. some people dropped out but people drop in too, and people shuffle around based on interest or might volunteer to do a part thats missing from a group number. we've got handling and rules for inactivity and all that. collaborations arent always quick, especially the bigger the group involved, but its not because anybodys got a line or whatever?

this isnt like an official statement but its all technical details so i think its fine."

[silverfishv9]

You know what? It's my Tumblr I can do what I want with it. But truth be told I don't even know where to start! Contextually there's so much about this to explain it's kind of hard, so this will end up more a stream of consciousness than an organized post, but so be it.

First is the basic premise that this character and much of the art I've done surrounding them is derived from a sort of collaborative writing with my partner, a project that I'm working to fanfic-ify slowly in the background. Obligatory warning that there's some inappropriate relationship dynamics going to be mentioned here. First of which is the dreaded Canon x OC. I joke, I joke, but that's unpopular with some people. The OC in question is Azure Star! Failed Alicorn clone made by some supervillains, technically inbred little disaster, and student at a school designed to fix the problems of a dysfunctional but not entirely hopeless AU Equestria. The canon is the local variant of Twilight Sparkle, who is generally a much less... functional person.

I'll start listing all the ways this horrible ship - which isn't in any way official in-universe at this moment but is set in motion with a horrific inevitability - is something that by all means should not have been pursued but was chosen to be anyways, in no particular order

Twilight is her instructor at the impromptu school to train up diplomats and "heroes". She's not substantially older than Azure, only a few years, but there's still a strange imbalance of power that would make it inappropriate from a modern context, even if nobody cares in the near-feudal society they live in.

Azure was adopted by one of her Biological "parents"/genetic donors (Celestia) after they figured out what she was. This wouldn't be so bad in theory if Celie hadn't used her student as an emotional surrogate daughter to deal with the stress of losing Sunset, who in this universe was all but adopted in everything but paperwork and titles. Being unhealthily emotionally involved in the life of a student that actually still has living, loving parents is definitely on her, but it does leave her mentally screaming while watching her unhealthily attached student get flirted with by her new new kid.

The entire previous point is made more complicated by the fact that, due to AU shenanigans, Twilight never left or made friends, despite the timeline being slightly advanced. She still managed to ascend despite this, through a yet to be uncovered means. This made her unhealthy attachment far worse as it effectively gave her an excuse to stick around the palace indefinitely even well after her mentor realized the mistakes of letting her get so dependent and tried to start pushing her out on her own. This has left her with a general lack of experience with friendships in general, let alone anything more than that.

Azure is already in a committed polyamorous relationship, and basically admitted to flirting with someone else in front of her current partners devoid of shame. Not an open relationship mind you, but one they agreed after that was more democratic and universally inclusive - meaning Azure is effectively tasked with not just the task of seducing an instructor who doesn't care much for socialization in general, but somehow convincing her that her girlfriends are great too and she should join their bizarre coven.

It's worth noting that while the world overall is more friendly to this "herding" behavior and more varied orientations overall, Canterlot, the place they actually live, is one of the more staunchly conservative medieval societies that does not exactly approve of such things, especially from its royalty

Despite this all, they actually have become friends and have enough genuine chemistry that it could theoretically work out, assuming that all the above is addressed. Despite the awkwardness Azure's bluntness has led to her feelings being an open secret, and admitting to flirting wasn't totally rebuffed but softly pushed away with a reminder that they haven't known each other that long and that she'd like to get to know her better before even thinking of anything past being friends. But wait? That's all very weird and maybe problematic, but it's not exactly Toxic, is it? Well that was all the status quo until one vital change, one crucial moment. See Azure had been working on ripping the Nightmare Spirit off of Luna (who is still, presently, in the moon due to the timeline of that whole event shifting slightly) before she even came back, ever since she found out it was a separate entity at all. And despite the odds - she succeeded. Unfortunately, the means used meant she was the perfect living bridge for it to get out of the moon and back into the world, and while she was able to resist and prevent it from sticking with her, it was let loose into the palace and the Royals present failed to capture it before it faded into shadows.

Azure does not know where it went. But I do. Of all the royals present there was a chance for any of them to be vulnerable, but Twilight was the one who failed to resist it completely, who only merely thought they repelled its mental invasion. And that has led to a strange present and a tumultuous future. For while the spirit hasn't been able to take control and cause a total transformation yet, it is able to amplify negative emotions in its unwitting host, and feed off of them to recoup its power.

Since it has taken root poor Twilight has been pushed to the brink of a meltdown with continuous feelings of Insecurity - rooted in issues that existed beforehand. Yet despite this she has grown more friendly, even openly affectionate in a mostly platonic way, with her confused but perhaps too happy to question it student. All because of a toxic feedback loop.

Twilight had confided a great deal of insecurity to her student already. Despite being an Alicorn she didn't feel she really had a clear role or purpose to serve in life, and felt aimless. At the same rate she is boxed in by the expectations of royalty - there are certain things she can and cannot do now, different ways that others treat her, and responsibilities she didn't exactly want to deal with. And while she actually found herself wanting friends and socialization sometimes, she has never been exceptionally good at understanding it.

Azure however has done nothing but fail upward and seemingly succeed at everything she has set out to do since showing up. Helping others on missions, easily making friends, pursuing the political side of being royalty as soon as she had gained it, getting some of Celestia's precious time all to herself, and even pursuing relationships that most would only speak of in whispers with a cavalier openness and fearlessness.

While much of this is admired it's clear that there's also a layer of envy in those feelings. Azure to her side of things is also not entirely honest - she more than admires her mentor as a personal idol and hero, but sees something else in them that hasn't been spoken - a guarantee for the future. While she is still, in her own eyes, an "unfinished" Alicorn Azure intends to and is actively training to rectify that so her parent's don't have to outlive her, but she is acutely aware of the consequences. Beneath her positive demeanor is a deeply traumatized and codependent personality - nothing is so horrifying to her as being alone. Given that she's the only current Immortal within so many years of her that isn't already related to her somehow, Azure doesn't have much choice but to pursue her if she wants to find someone who can truly understand her that she can keep Forever without fear of losing some day. She would do literally anything to somehow secure her eternal affection.

Together these two facts make the foundation of the Nightmare spirit's perfectly toxic natural habitat. By just boosting and loosening up on negative feelings in the right moment it can stick them in a loop of horrible codependency and insecurity that it can feed on, directly or by proxy, pretty much indefinitely. Twilight will never be allowed to feel fully secure in herself in Azure's presence, always comparing herself negatively, a trait that will only be magnified over time as Azure no doubt continues to succeed while she runs in place, getting stronger but never finding something meaningful to do with it. Brief moments of lessened pain together will encourage them to stay close, but only so that the shadow cast is that much bigger. Azure's sheer obsessive willingness to please will be exploited as Twilight's hunger for knowledge and the power to be meaningful is pushed until they're both hard at work to find ways to make her stronger (and a stronger host later) no matter what ethical lines are blurred or crossed. Azure's optimism is kept at bay with always being led on with teases of approval to keep her around and subservient, but never so much as to become confident, leaving her forever hungry and trying to prove herself as "good enough", and turning one of the few threats to the spirit in the future into a dependent lackey that will be unable to stop them when the time finally comes.

For the spirit, this cycle is nothing but a victory. Finally that silly abstract idea of "love" is not a weakness, but a poison to be wielded like a weapon until two of its greatest threats have been reduced into nothing but puppets. And while the conclusion has yet to be written... I can only be certain the climax of this strained loop will be painful for more than just them.

Driving myself mad with recent developments in my silly collaborative Pony story that I long to ramble about. I'm not even building up towards Toxic Yuri at this rate, this is going to be nuclear accident that scars the planet for centuries to come Yuri by the end of it. I'm ready to infodump about my gay little tire fire for hours at any who'd listen.

[sushis-wild-imagination]

Let's Get Married (Chapter 1)

Lee Do Hyun x Reader

Words: 3k

Summary: cute first date and your husband reveals himself.

Note: Not proof read. I don't even know.

Lets get married Masterlist

Preview

-----

You get off your van after a 2 hour drive to a ski resort. It was sunny but also very cold, considering it was still March. Still a very beautiful day out. You could see the slopes covered in snow. You put your hand on your head to give your eyes shade from all the sun and look at the slopes.  

You feel your phone buzz in your pocket. “Its Woo-sung” you mutter to yourself. Kim Woo-sung was the lead singer from the popular band, ‘The Rose’ and a close friend. Being a Korean that has lived your developmental years in London. You and Woo-sung clicked on multiple levels and became really fast friends. You’ve been friends for about 7 years now and also collaborated on music together. He was one of your close friends. 

You had told him about you doing this show and meet a husband when you met him over lunch a week ago and all he did was laugh at your face. 

—-

“It’ll be fun” you tried to justify it but that didn’t stop him from telling you how crazy this idea was. “Just make sure you don’t ACTUALLY fall for this guy” he warned you while taking a bite of his food. 

“Depends on who it is” you smirk and he shakes his head. 

“You’re in trouble already” 

“Its a TV show, he’s going to be very handsome!” You counter. 

“If you’re going to fall in love with every handsome guy there is, we have a problem” he says pointing at himself, claiming he’s handsome too. 

You laugh at that and like clock work accidentally also inhale the food you were eating and end up choking on it. 

“Yah, it's not that unbelievable for you to choke like this” he sneers at you.

You settle down smiling and shaking your head.

——

You bring out the phone from the pocket of your beige puff jacket and look at it. It was so bright out you couldn’t see the screen, you have to put your other hand over the screen to text him back. He had sent a “fighting~” text for you to meet your husband. You chuckle at that and respond a quick thank you.

You had never gone skiing before and but you did a lot of skateboarding before, it should be similar right? 

You end up going to the green room they prepped for you to change into a ski suit with the goggles. Your hair was in braids. You were very nervous to meet this husband of yours. This was as good as an arranged marriage by the production crew. You chuckle at your thought. You made a mental list of people they could possible arrange for. Ha seok jin? Lee sang yeob? You were friends with both having worked on previous projects together. 

You slowly walk out to go to the place where they were filming. One of the staff members come up to you and tell you that you can be and say whatever you want. Try to guess who is it, he would also try to guess who you are and you can reveal when we ask you to, okay?” You nod at her Instructions and go on in front of the camera. You start monologuing waiting for your husband. “I’m hoping it’s someone I already know so there’s no awkward phase, Im really quiet with new people initially” you say to the camera. 

“But I will try my best today!” You exclaim and shoot finger guns at the camera. Soon enough, a man clad in a similar suit walks into view with a snowboard in hand. You were so nervous, you hadn’t been this nervous since your first stage as a kpop idol. You started to shift weight from leg to leg, almost bouncing in place. 

“Who is this? Im so curious” you say out loud to no one in particular. You hear the man chuckle. It was a deep chuckle. “What? The chuckle is also so attractive, what do I do?” You say to yourself forgetting you had a mic on you and it would be heard. 

“Hello!“ the man says and bows to you. You bow back at him getting surprised. “Wait, I recognise this voice” you say trying really hard to think where you’ve heard it before so you can guess who it is. 

“Don’t guess so early or we won’t have content to shoot today” the man says in a different voice this time so you don’t catch on. “Thats not fair you’re changing your voice” you whine playfully. 

You check him out from head to toe. “Wait a minute we’re wearing similar suits, is this a couples suit” he asks and stands next to you.You chuckle this time. 

“I am-“ you bow and realise you’re not supposed to introduce yourself. “I almost introduced myself” you giggle at yourself. “I must be very nervous” 

You laughs with you. “Don’t be” there is a bit of awkward silence before he asks you to get on the gondola with you to get to the top of the slope. You nod and follow him with your board. 

“Have you been snowboarding before?” He asks you. You shake your head keeping talking to the minimal because you still didn’t know who this person is. “I skateboard though, it should be pretty similar” you reply. 

“It is, don’t worry” you smile at him. 

“Can you give me a hint about your identity” he asks you while the gondola moves upwards. Heights scare you a little so you are holding on to the railing for dear life. You could barely concentrate on the conversation. “I am.. a musician turned actress” you say without thinking. Thats a big hint. “Did you recently do a drama?” He continues but you stop him. “My turn, what do you do?” You ask trying not to look at the height you’re at. 

“I’m an actor too” you hear his voice. His voice seems so familiar to you, but you can’t pinpoint. 

“Ah, sunbaenim” you say and bow your head while sitting to show respect. “Please don’t” he chuckles to fill the awkward air. 

“Are you scared of heights?” He asks you, looking at how uncomfortable you were in the ride. You nod to that question. “A little bit” 

“Do you have a dog?” You ask him and he nods. “I do” he stopped himself before spilling the name. “Damn it I thought you’d tell me its name” you say to him and you hear his chuckle again. 

“Have we met? You seem so familiar” you say but he interrupts. 

“Its my turn to ask, what agency are you under” that question could possibly barrow down a lot of people. Right on cue, it was time to get off the ride because you were on the top. 

“Whats your personality type?” You ask while getting down and he helps you with your board so you don’t fall over. 

“ENTP” he tells you and you almost jump in excitement and let out a squeal. “What? What happened?” He sounded startled. “I’m an INFJ, ENTPs are my most compatible type, but I have no ENTP friends” you exclaim. You’re usually not this talkative. Why is it so easy to talk to him? Is it because you’re curious? Or is it because you don’t even know who it is? You couldn’t figure it out. He keeps chuckling at you. “Cute” you hear him say and that makes you blush a little. 

The PD asks you if you have a guess and both of you nod. 

“Loser goes first” you hear him say. And you like a challenge. “Call” 

“Answer!” You raise your hand. “Seo Kang Joon sunbaenim” you answer expectantly. You hear the “ddaeng” sound and you hiss. You got it wrong. It wasn’t Seo Kang Joon. You look over and the man next to yells “Answer” 

“Kim Sejeong” you chuckle because its clearly the wrong answer. You’re not Kim sejeong. 

“What? I thought I was on the money” he mutters to himself while you hear it and giggle. “I guess we’ll have to go together” he says. 

“You can reveal your faces now” the PD says and you ask yourself if this is the masked singer. 

“Ladies first” the man next to you says.

“Everyone. Are you ready?” You ask the camera as you take off your goggle’s and pull down your jacket to reveal your face. 

“Tada! I’m (your full name) nice to meet you” you say into the camera first before looking over at him. 

“Ah, right, candy candy candy” he sings one of your songs and does the dance as well. That makes you happy and proud. “You’re right” you exclaim and do the step with him both of you laughing. You were very eager to meet your husband. 

“Aigoo, My wife is pretty” he says as he takes of his goggles and pulls his jacket down enough to see his dimpled smile and puppy eyes. 

No way. 

Lee Do Hyun. 

“What?” You could barely get a word out. You almost choked on your own spit. I think its time to wake up if this is a vivid dream. You tell yourself. “What are you doing here?” You ask straight up then you realise you barely know him. “Is this why I found your voice so familiar, what?” You are still in disbelief. You end up turning and walking in your place trying to calm yourself down. You could feel your legs give out. Six months of living with him? This is definitely a vivid dream. Wake up. It’s not funny anymore. 

“I’m Lee Do Hyun” he introduces himself while you are punching the snow under you because your legs gave out you. You were hiding your face because it had gone so red. It felt like all the blood in your body was now in your face. 

“No way” you keep saying holding your face and it compose yourself and get back up. All you hear is his chuckling. He holds his hand out for you to shake. You hesitantly give him one of your hands to shake. 

“Im sorry” you apologise for your behaviour but you were absolutely thrilled. 

“I heard I’m your ideal type” he mentions and your face flushes again. “Well yeah” you mutter somehow. 

“Thats good to know, I think we’ll get along really well” he says and lets go of your hand. 

You nod being all shy. You’re still in disbelief but your luck has shined. You didn’t realise if you kept saying he was your ideal type he’s end up in your life like this. 

“You were talkative a minute ago what happened? Am I scary?” He asks smiling. Honestly you could stare at those puppy eyes all day. You snap out of it and say “nothing, I’m just a little shocked that you’re here” you quietly say feeling very conscious about yourself. 

“I’m glad I’m here too” he smiles. “It’s penalty time” he says holds out his hand again for you to take it. 

“You’ve never snowboarded before right?” He asks you and you shake your head. Your eyes and cheeks were all red and you know its not because of the cold. It’s because of the man standing in front of you holding his hand out for you to take. You put your hand in his and he guides you to the edge of the slope. You strap yourself in and he does it too.

“Jump and push yourself down the slope” he says. “The rest is just like skateboarding” 

You nod and do as he tells you, you go a few meters and fall on your butt. This was so embarrassing. “Why am I here? What I am doing” you mutter to yourself while getting up and shaking off the snow from your body. 

“Was snowboarding your date idea?” You ask him. 

Before the shooting started, the staff asked you to list down a bunch of date ideas you wanted to try out. 

“It was” he nods and takes off like a pro snowboarding. 

You try your best and realise its really not the same as skateboarding. You kept falling but the best part was that DoHyun offered a helping hand almost every time you fell. You had more reasons to fall. He was now teaching your holding both your hands how to balance on the snowboard. This time you almost fell face first but his had a tight grip on your hands and didn’t let you fall. “This is so tough” you say. “Its nothing like skateboarding” you playfully glare at him. 

“You’re just bad at this” he claps back teasing you. You fake gasp. “Rude” but so handsome. 

You give up and sit on your butt with the board still attached to your feet watching do hyun have the time of his life. You decide to be a little mischievous and roll up a ball of snow to throw at him. You see him from far away hurling towards you at full speed, you are ready to scream at collision and your hands come up to your body and face instinctively to protect yourself. But the collision never happened, he stopped perfectly in front of you. “You scared me” you say smiling and throw a bit of snow at him. 

He giggles and throws some snow at you as well. You unbuckle your board and say “you’re dead Lee Do Hyun”, your playfulness over takes your shyness in front of him and you chase him down to throw some snow at him. 

The day ended in giggles and laughter, which you were grateful about. You also clicked a few pictures for Instagram. You still couldn’t believe you were on a date with your ideal type and you will be shooting everyday for the next six months. It was absurd. 

They decided to put you in a bus and film you on the way back and also get some late lunch together. This would be your first meal together. You decide to change back into your casual comfortable jeans and head to the bus, he was already sitting on the seat. “I saved you a seat” you hear him say and that makes you laugh. The whole bus was for the both of you. There was no need for him to save a seat for you. 

You sit down and fix your hair before leaning on the seat. He plays drums on his thighs and suddenly turns to look at you. “Are you allergic to anything?” He asks you and you shake your head. 

“I’m just trying to be a good husband, a good husband should know” he teases and this is the nth number of time you’ve gotten as red as a tomato because of something Dohyun has said. 

You only get a week of dating before you move in. It’s as good as speed dating. 

“What are you saying?” You mutter totally caught off guard by his husband comment and his cheesy lines. 

“How old are you?” He asks in the most polite tone possible. You realise something. 

“Ah right, we’re the same age” you realise you can drop the honourifics. 

“Thats great, would you like to drop the honourifics?” He asks you. “Lets be friends” he continues.

“Yah Lee Do hyun, whats the matter with you?” You ask teasingly in a very friendly and not so polite tone. 

“I like that, I like things like this” he says smiling. 

“Yah (yn) what are you doing let's listen to some of your songs” he tries to get rid of the awkwardness in the air. 

You giggle at his attempt and the way he dropped honourifics almost immediately. 

“Yah Lee Do hyun” you almost yell at him. “What (yfn)?” He responds in the same tone. There was silence.

Your eyes met. You wanted to laugh so hard, you could barely stifle it. You end up laughing together losing it at the same time. 

“Good, I like this” he says and pulls out his phone and air-pods. He offers one to you and you put it in your ear.

“Okay, guess the song, I’ll play a second” he says starting another game. You nod. “Okay” 

He plays a few of your songs, you dance to a few of your songs together sitting in the bus seat and a few new songs you’ve never heard before. It was fun, he was fun to be around. His randomness made you laugh a lot. Best part is he knew all the girl group dances. Slowly there is silence in the bus because both of you got sleepy. You end up taking a power nap for 30 minutes before arriving at Seoul for lunch. 

You end up ordering a lot and the food comes in. You both eat very silently because you were that hungry and tired. 

“You eat very well” he says and you nod. “Ive been noticing you only respond to what I say, why don’t you talk to me?” He playfully pouts. 

Your heart melts. You’ve seen it on TV before but no way did you think you’d see that in real life. 

“Yah, say something, it’s awkward” he says shuddering. You apologise because you ended up staring at him for a bit too long. 

“Do you want to exchange phone numbers?” You ask and he nods. “Right, how will I contact my wife if I don’t have her number?” he says hastily and passes the phone to you. As soon as you open the phone, it gets snatched away again and you see him hold his phone and secretly check something while hiding it from you. 

You playfully smack his thigh softly. 

“Yah I didn’t see anything, were you watch some weird things?” You ask smirking. 

“No I was not” you hear him say while he taps away at his phone before returning it to you.

You save yourself as your name but he notices that. “Save it as wife with a heart cmon” he teases and you blush furiously. His whole body cringes at what he said. “Cant believe I said that” and you laugh at that. Regardless you change your name to wife and a heart and he sends you a sticker on chat so you can save his number. “You better save it as husband with a heart” he threatens. 

“Sure” you say and save it as his name instead. “Done” you say and put your phone down. He immediately gives you a call so your phone lights up. It was just his name and sunbaenim. 

“Yah, my wife is a cold person, why’d you add sunbaenim too?” He pretends to be hurt. “Im wounded” he holds his chest acting like it hurts. 

“Fine fine, stop the acting, mister” you say and pick up your phone to change the name again, this time to ‘husband <3’ aa he looks into your phone over your shoulder. “Happy?” You ask showing him the phone. “Very much so, thank you” he says grinning. 

You finish eating and part ways with Do hyun. 

“Today was fun, work didn’t feel like work” he says and you nod. “I agree, I think we should keep this fun, like an escape from our normal schedules” you say. 

“Sounds like a good plan, wife” he says and you smack his arm. “Stop” you say to him blushing. “What? I’m just getting used to it” he defends and you couldn’t stop smiling, your jaw was hurting from how much you smiled and laughed around him today. 

You end up exchanging a bunch of stickers on chat and go about the rest of your schedule with the date constantly replaying on your mind. 

————

“And it was ACTUALLY Lee Do hyun” you squeal at Woosung who had come over to hang out to drink beer and eat chicken. You were currently on the floor laying in disbelief because you were still not over the fact that your pretend ‘husband’ was going to Lee Do hyun. You kick your feet because you didn’t know what to do. You were so excited for this 

“I think I manifested him into my life at this point” 

“I do remember you being absolutely obsessed with him a year ago” 

“Right?” 

“Does this mean you’re actually going to try to fall in love with this man?” He asks you and you put your hands over your eyes laying down. 

“I love him as a fan, A big fan, but this is different” there is silence. You sit up suddenly realising something. 

“What if… he’s not the person I have in my mind?” You were concerned that knowing him would change things.

“It will shatter your delusion, for sure” he calls you out. 

You throw a pillow at him. “You don’t have to be this real.” 

——

You kept thinking about this before bed all tucked in, you had an idea of what Lee Do Hyun is like on camera, you didn’t not know him off camera. What if he’s not to person you’ve seen in interviews, of course there is more to a person but it scared you. What if he is completely different than what you had imagined, it would break your heart. 

You are snapped out of your thoughts when your phone buzzes.

It was a text from your ‘husband’ 

Sleep well Wifey. :P

But what if he is exactly how you think of him?

----

I don't know.

[rattyoakenbitch]

youtubers: “don’t touch her” ₊˚ ⸝  corpse husband x reader

❝i don't wanna think about, think about you. drink up, drink up i'm so fucked up, all i want is you.❞

gif credit: n/a song: lykke li - sex money feelings die

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

pairings: corpse husband x reader

warnings: angst, cursing, drinking, smoking, violent language, and minor mentions of anxiety.

summary: i can’t make summaries rn hhh just read it (:

“Sean, there is no way in hell I’m going!”

“Oh, come on, Y/N. It’ll be fun!”

“That’s what you always say!”

“Ugh, you and Corpse are so stubborn. At least I was able to convince him to show up! You know what you need? To get out of the house more often and come hang with us.”

“Uh huh, yeah, y’all have fun, I got some stuff to finish.”

“Yeah? Like what? Your ten hour nap?”

“HEY! Excuse me -”

“7PM, [club address], you’re showing up.”

“Sean - !”

With that, Sean hung up. You let out an exasperated huff, crossing your arms and pouting like a toddler who was just denied a toy. You were invited, or more accurrately forced to celebrate whatever the hell Sean and his friends achieved. With lives like theirs, it seemed like there was always something to celebrate. 

You, on the other hand.. Well, you were just little old you. You met Sean by mere chance. It’s a very long story, but you shared some things in common, like your love for video games. However, that was about the only thing you could relate to with Sean and his little friend circle. You were more passionate about writing, as well as reading short horror stories. 

Now, that’s where you clicked with Corpse Husband. 

He was an underrated YouTuber, whose main uploads were narration videos on creepypastas and horror stories. That’s until he blew up with his Among Us gameplays, collaborating with big names like PewDiePie, Jacksepticeye, and CrankGamePlays (EEF!!!).

You met over an Among Us stream with said YouTubers and immediately hit it off. You shared a dark sense of humor, love for horror, and music. You knew of Corpse before, but only then did you discover that he produced music, which you absolutely enjoyed (and blasted in your house for days on end).

When you found out you lived not even twenty minutes away from each other, you’d occasionally meet up, mostly at his house considering he only went out once in a blue moon. You’d sometimes even spend the night at his place, staying up late, gazing up at the stars, getting deep into conversation and opening up about things you never blurted out to people. But when you were with Corpse, everything just came naturally. You felt safe with him, and hopefully, he felt the same. 

Night approached, the clock striking 5PM. You figured you’d get ready since Sean was dead set on you coming to the party. You showered, did a minimalist glossy makeup look, and chose an outfit, which consisted of a half neon green and black skirt that stopped mid thigh, and an oversized distressed band tee which you tucked into your belt. You slipped on a pair of ripped, striped thigh-highs with mismatched colors, (white stripes on one and neon blue on the other), and your platform boots that made you look like a Bratz Doll. You didn’t bother with your tangled hair. You teased it with a brush but didn’t put any effort into styling it, since it’d get messy anyways. To finish your look, you clipped on a choker and dangled a couple of layered chains around your neck.

Corpse would tease you, saying you had a “dog collar”, but you knew he secretly liked it.

All dolled up and ready to go, you hopped into your car and followed the GPS to the address Sean sent you. Drunk couples stumbled out of the club, dates headed inside, and old wasted guys were thrown out. Oh boy, you were not ready for this.

You were the anxious, anti social type. Not because it was edgy or cool, but you simply didn’t know how to handle social situations. However, it comforted you to know Corpse would be there by your side so you didn’t need to chat and flirt with strangers. 

It’s not like you wanted to meet anybody new, anyways. Though nobody was aware of it, you had feelings for Corpse. Cliche, right? You knew you shouldn’t have, but you developed feelings for him. It made you feel strange and weird, considering you haven’t caught feelings in a while.

You came up with the bright idea of slowly drifting away from Corpse to maybe help de-escalate these feelings, but you were going to run into him at the club, so what the heck.

You headed inside, your eyes scanning the crowd and pushing through, searching for your friend group. You spent a couple minutes cluelessly looking around the club, but to no avail. Then, it was as if a light bulb clicked on over your head; you never thought to phone Sean.

“Ugh, I’m so stupid.” You reached into your purse to get ahold of your phone when a pair of strong, manly hands and cold metal which you assumed to be rings wrapped around your shoulders, gripping you tightly. 

“Boo!” 

You felt your heart stop and ran out of the man’s grasp, spinning around to look at who it was.

“Oh, did I scare you?” 

The man’s deep, monotone voice rumbled above the sound of the music and shouts. Then you recognized that unique and distinctive voice. 

“Corpse!! What the hell?”

His nose and jaw was covered by a black mask, with a print that looked like Frank from Donnie Darko, which was also Corpse’s signature look, seen in his channel art. 

Despite Corpse being a faceless YouTuber, only very few people have seen his face, including you and Glam&Gore who he featured in his narration videos. You thought he was very handsome, his baritone voice matching his appearance. You had to admit, you were a little disappointed he chose to wear a mask. You loved seeing his facial expressions, especially his precious smile that would light up the room when he’d let out little fits of laughter. But you got over it and respected the fact that he wanted to remain anonymous.

“You dickhead,” you scoffed, smacking Corpse lightly on the shoulder. Corpse towered over you, looking admittedly both intimidating and seductive. If you were a stranger, you’d probably be running off, but you weren’t scared of Corpse. He was a big softie and a teddy bear.

Corpse chuckled lowly, slinging his arm over your shoulder and leading you to Sean’s group. He was protective like that, even if you were just friends. Now you could see why Sean, at one point, speculated that you and Corpse had a thing going on. 

“So, Sean forced you to tag along, too?”

“Pfft, yeah, that’s Sean for you.”

“Hey, there’s my favorite couple,” Sean joked, patting your shoulder. You rolled your eyes at his drunk antics.

“Shut up, don’t make me choke you like I hate you,” you mocked in return, eliciting a fit of laughter from the group. 

“Remind me to never hang out with you losers again,” Corpse mumbled sarcastically under his breath.

The night went by in a flash. Sean, Thomas, Felix, and everyone else was blackout drunk. Luckily, Mark was there to assist them. Since Mark couldn’t drink, he would be the designated driver that night. Corpse hung out by himself, sometimes getting approached by women who he politely turned down.

You, on the other hand, were downing alcohol like your life depended on it. For you, it would take more than the average number of drinks for you to get wasted.

“Y/N, don’t you think you should slow down?” Corpse questioned cautiously, resting a hand on the small of your back.

“Does it really look like I’m thinking right now?” you drunkenly slurred, following with a giggle. You waved to the bartender, calling for another shot, which he slid over to you, but not without hesitating after noticing your state. You pushed Corpse off of you, probably more harshly than you intended, and took the shot. 

“Okay, Y/N, fuck this, I’m taking you to my place. We can’t stay here and you certainly can’t drive back home when you’re drunk,” Corpse scowled, stepping closer to you. Again, you shoved him back.

“No.. No..” You sighed, holding your pounding head in your hand. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what? Y/N, you’re drunk -”

“I’m not letting you of all people take me.”

Corpse blinked. “What does that mean?” He knew you were drunk, of course, and you were probably just blurting nonsense.

All of a sudden, tears escaped your eyes, racing down your blushy cheeks.

“No.. I’m so sorry. It’s my fault.” You began to shake and tremble as tears started to uncontrollably spill down your face. Corpse didn’t waste another second to take you in his arms, hushing you. “Your hugs are so warm.. I hate it. I hate feeling this way. It’s all my fault.”

“What did you do, sweetheart? You can tell me.”

Your heart ached when you heard his pet name for you.

“I think I may like you more than you like me.. I-I didn’t mean to! Please don’t leave me. You’re all I have,” you sobbed into his white tee, clinging onto him. “I love you so fucking much, it hurts. I shouldn’t have!”

Corpse stopped for a moment, processing your words.

You.. felt the same?

Corpse had to tell you. You were drunk, but he needed you to know. 

“Y/N, I -”

Suddenly, you had a moment of clarity. Realizing how close you were to Corpse, you backed away, wiping away the mascara tears under your eyes.

“I - I think I had too much to drink.. I just need a smoke..” 

Without giving Corpse the chance to protest, you ran off into the crowd, struggling your way through. 

Corpse began to get worried when you didn’t come back. He waited impatiently on the barstool where you left him, anxiously playing with his rings.

He was just about to get up and look for you, when he caught a glimpse of you stumbling out the exit with another man who guided you, gripping your arm tightly.

Corpse fumed, his face going red and heartbeat speeding up. He went after you, knowing damn well you didn’t know this man. 

The man took you to his car, placing you atop the trunk, your legs dangling over the edge. He stepped in between your legs, caressing your face. Everything was a blur. If your mind was clear, you wouldn’t be stupid enough to trust this random guy, who was probably ten years older than you. 

“You’re too pretty to be crying,” he whispered, leaning in closer to your face, until a yell stopped him from proceeding any further.

“Hey, asshole, she’s drunk! Don’t you fucking touch her!”

“C-Corpse?” You hiccuped, hopping off the trunk to get a look at the approaching figure. It was indeed Corpse. His eyebrows were pressed together angrily at the sight.

“You know this dude?” the man said loudly and smugly, just to get a reaction from Corpse. “Relax, my man, I’m just tryna take this pretty girl home.”

“Well this pretty girl happens to be mine, and I won’t let you take advantage of her,” Corpse growled. 

You stood by the stranger, clinging to him as you watched Corpse’s face twist into an expression of heartbreak when you didn’t budge. He then noticed the bruises around your arms and wrist, supposedly from the man’s strong grip. He was unbelievably furious. 

“Ha, doesn’t look like she’s your girl anymore.” The man’s lips twisted upwards into a devilish smirk, only pissing Corpse off some more. Oh boy, was he ready to snap. He reached into his pocket, when..

“Wait,” you managed to slur out, breaking up the argument. You reached out towards Corpse like a child. His facial expression immediately softened. He gave you a loving smile and immediately took you into his arms, holding you protectively. 

“Now, I suggest you get in your car and never come back,” Corpse threatened.

“Oh, yeah? Or what? I’ll kill you and take your girl, you motherfucker!”

Without hesitation, Corpse took out his switchblade, looking the man in his eyes.

“Say that again?”

You watched as the stranger’s whole tough act fell apart. Without another word, he ran to the driver’s side of his car, fumbling with his keys. 

“Yeah, that’s right,” Corpse mumbled, not taking his eyes off the man until he reached his own car. You held his hand the whole way, processing what had just happened. Corpse noticed your distant expression. You got into his car, shutting the door and slumping back into your seat. He tore off his mask, taking in deep breaths to calm himself. Then he looked back to you. 

“Princess?”

You looked to Corpse, your eyes teary. “Hey, Corpse.” You didn’t seem to be as drunk, your mind a lot clearer after the incident. “D-Did you mean anything you said back there? About the..”

“About you being my girl?” 

Corpse took your hand in his, squeezing it comfortingly. He leaned forward and cupped your face with his free hand. “Absolutely.” 

With that, you leaned towards him, hesitantly pressing your lips to his. Your lips tasted of alcohol, but Corpse didn’t care. He was admittedly taken back, his breath hitching, but he released the tension from his body and kissed you back, pulling you over to the driver’s seat atop him. There wasn’t much space, forcing you to press closer to Corpse, deepening the kiss. 

Still being a bit drunk, you were clumsy and kind of ‘out of it’. 

“I’d hold onto something if I were you,” Corpse mumbled, breaking the kiss momentarily to guide your hands to grip his shoulders. But you were impatient and reconnected your lips with his, no doubt causing him to blush even more than he already was.

You couldn’t help yourself and giggled into the kiss, causing Corpse to chuckle along with you, departing from the kiss again and resting his forehead against yours.

“I’m sorry, you’re just so fucking adorable when you giggle.” 

You hummed in response, offering Corpse an innocent grin as you pecked all over his face. 

“I’m so glad you’re mine.”

[snelbz]

I'll Be Seeing You {6}

Nesta x Cassian, 1940′s AU

Collaboration with @tacmc.

Summary: After Cassian gets injured in the war, he’s taken to a war camp to be cared for until he gains enough strength to return to his battalion. While he’s there, he falls for a nurse that couldn’t care less about his title and doesn’t put up with his bullshit. Once he’s healed and the years pass by, he finds that there’s only one thing he wants to remember from the war, and she’s only a letter away.

Trigger Warnings: war

Chapters will be posted every Monday.

Word Count: 1696

IBSY Masterlist

Shelby’s Masterlist

Tara’s Masterlist 

Nesta had no idea what had happened.

She was shaken awake in the middle of the night by one of the night nurses, quickly hurrying her out of the tent she shared with a few other nurses in hushed tones. She pulled her robe around her tighter, the nightgown she wore was perfectly fine with the warm fire crackling in the hearth, but in the crisp autumn air, it left her shivering.

As did the reason she’d been awakened in the middle of the night. One of her patients she’d been solely residing over had taken an unexpected turn at some point in the evening. Infection. Fever.

She felt shaky and hollow as she pushed through the tent flaps. She knew it made her a horrible person, but she couldn’t help but pray it was anyone except—

There were two nurses hovering beside Cassian’s cot and she thought she was going to be physically sick.

“What’s happened?” Nesta asked as she approached. It had been meant to have been firm, direct, but it came out shaky.

“He was sleeping peacefully, but then he started to stir and groan,” Claire explained. “When I came over he was drenched in sweat. I checked the gunshot wounds on his back and the burns. There were no bandages. I’m not sure how he had gotten them off—.”

A ringing in Nesta’s ears drowned out the rest of Claire’s words, but it didn’t matter what the nurse said, Nesta knew the cause of Cassian’s downfall.

It had been her.

She had been cleaning his wounds when the soldier had been rushed in earlier that morning, had left Cassian to help. When the soldier had died, Madja had ordered Nesta to go clean up and she had left the tent…

It had all happened so fast.

She had lost a life, and it distracted her from her thoughts, her further duties.

She had never gone back to finish cleaning and bandaging his wounds.

And, of course, Cassian had said nothing.

“I didn’t know what to—.”

Nesta cut Claire off, shaking her head to try and clear her thoughts. She knew she was to blame, but wouldn’t alert Claire to that knowledge. “He needs a dose of penicillin, maybe two, depending on how far the infection has spread.”

Claire nodded, the other two nurses having moved on to check on other patients, most of whom slept peacefully. When she kept standing there, nodding, Nesta snapped, “Now, please.”

She blinked and was off, hurrying to the medical cabinet in the center of the tent.

Leaning down over his bed, Nesta placed a hand on either side of his face. “Cassian?”

His skin was hot, clammy and he was covered in sweat. She swore quietly. He felt like he’d been lying in front of a furnace for a few hours.

His eyelids fluttered, but he didn’t rise to consciousness.

Claire returned, a syringe in one hand and a glass bottle in the other. Nesta took it, surprised by how steady her hands were. She felt as if they should be as shaky as her breathing had become, but she quickly and efficiently administered the dose, holding a small piece of gauze over his arm where she’d stuck him.

“Should I… Would you like to go back to bed?” Claire asked. “I can watch him while I make my rounds.”

Nesta shook her head as she sat down in the chair next to the cot. “No, I— I need to stay with him.”

Claire hesitated, but nodded and excused herself.

Nesta would wait with him, would keep him company, because it was all her fault.

She told herself that was the only reason, but as she reached up to brush his damp hair back, she knew she was only fooling herself.

But fool herself, she would.

This was war. He was a soldier. Aside from being completely inappropriate, considering she was his nurse, one should never get involved with a soldier.

It often only led to heartbreak.

His face was flushed, even though his lips were bloodless, and he looked so…frail. Even when he’d first been brought in, bloody and burned, he hadn’t looked so helpless. Nesta couldn’t look away from him.

She knew no one else was around, knew the other nurses may have been nosy and curious, but they would give Nesta this privacy. And because of that she reached out and took his hand, gently holding it in hers.

Was it really just earlier in the day that he’d held her hand after coming to check on her after that poor soldier had passed? The thought, that he considered her feelings more important than his own healing, had her fingers tightening around his.

I could see myself loving a woman like you.

She tried not to think about the thrill his words sent through her, then or now. It was highly inappropriate, especially considering they barely knew each other. But there was just…something about him. She reached out with her free hand and pressed the back of her hand to his forehead. Still clammy. Still burning up.

Again, his eyelids shifted, but they didn’t open. The penicillin would keep him down for a while.

She wouldn’t be sleeping, though. Not any time soon.

With a defeated sigh, Nesta took the book off of the small table by Cassian’s cot. He had read a little more that afternoon, it had seemed. He was nearing chapter six, and Nesta couldn’t wait to see his reaction to the coming chapters.

Especially in regards to his beloved Daisy.

She opened to the page he was on and took out the leather strap that marked it. It was old and worn, and she found herself wondering how long he’d had it, how long it had held his hair back. She wondered how long he’d had long hair. She assumed always. It was hard to imagine him with short hair.

It just wouldn’t look right.

He stirred on the cot before her, and Nesta’s eyes jerked up to him, but he still didn’t wake. She watched him for another moment, making sure he was sleeping peacefully, then looked back down at the scrap of leather in her hand.

It occurred to her how little she knew about him then. She knew about his mother and lack of a father, but he’d mentioned brothers. Were they blood or was it more in a camaraderie sort of way? And who were they? Did he love them the way she loved her own sisters?

Perhaps she had been selfish thus far, in asking so little about him. Usually the man never shut up, was always making sarcastic remarks with his raunchy humor, and now as he lay unconscious, she wanted him to speak.

She wanted to ask him questions.

He mentioned Velaris, but Nesta had only been there once as a child and didn’t remember much from it. She wanted to ask him about it, ask him what it was like growing up in the famous City of Starlight.

She wanted to ask about those brothers of his, if he had any other siblings, and how his mother, who had never married, survived it, living in the world that they did.

She wanted to ask if he’d ever had any pets, what his favorite subject was in school, if he’d ever broken a bone or climbed a tree for fun or been in an airplane.

She wanted to know where this scrap of leather came from that she had been fiddling in between her fingers for far too long.

Eventually, she rested her head against her own arm, still holding onto his fingers in one hand and clutching that strap of leather in the other. It didn’t take long before she was asleep herself.

A few hours later, a firm hand on her shoulder had her jolting awake. She sat up quickly, finding Madja standing behind her.

Standing, she cleared her throat, releasing Cassian’s hand, still holding onto that piece of leather. “Madja, I—.”

A gentle smile was on the old healer's face. “You should get changed, Nesta.”

Glancing down at her open robe and nightgown, Nesta blushed and nodded, before replacing the strap of leather in the book she’d leant to him.

The sun was up, but the chill in the air told her it hadn’t been for long. She hurried across the camp to the tent she shared with a few other nurses. Quickly changing, she tied a fresh apron around her waist and was surprised to find Madja standing outside the tent as she emerged, still braiding her hair back.

“Walk with me,” she said, and took off, not waiting to see if she followed.

Nesta couldn’t help but feel like she was a child about to be scolded.

“There is no rule stating you can’t have feelings for your patient, Nesta,” she said, glancing over at her.

Nesta blinked, not expecting her to be so blunt. She immediately went on the defensive. “I don’t have—.”

Madja gave her a look that told her the woman knew she was full of shit. She went on. “This isn’t a formal job. There is no rule book saying you can’t fraternize with others. He’s very handsome, and it’s clear he’s taken quite a shine to you. But remember where we are, what we’re doing. Why we’re here.”

Nesta nodded, hesitantly.

She knew.

The soldiers came in, they healed, and they left, went back to war.

And that’s exactly what Cassian would do, Nesta was fully aware of that fact. There was no romance, there was no happily ever after, not when it came to war.

“I just want you to be careful,” Madja continued, her voice gentle. “I have seen young women, time and time again, fall for men who did not come home. It is okay to feel for another, my dear, but you must remember the risks.”

The risks. It was a long list.

“I was not planning on anything happening between myself and the Major,” Nesta said, at last.

Madja’s smile was soft. “That’s always when it happens, Nesta. When no plans are made.”

[stupendousconnoisseurpuppy]

The son's warmth

Yandere! Hinata x Reader

Notes: This is my entry for @seijorhi's Deal with the devil collaboration~

Warnings: DARK CONTENT, Violence detail, injury detail, manipulation, kidnap, yandere.

Please refrain from reading if you are uncomfortable with the above!

That said, please enjoy!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Generosity. You suppose it could be a bit of a double-edged sword.

Although in hindsight, all you had wanted was to care for the exuberant ball of sunshine you had believed was dealt a bad hand. Parents and younger sister deceased, orphaned at the tender age of 14 and placed in a less than ideal environment - one devoid of love.

You had always been one of a large sympathetic capacity and it had always been a goal of yours, born of the principle’s kindness and compassion, passed on by your parents and sanctioned by your entry into adulthood; allowing you to action your desire to care for a young child struck by tragedy…

You’re not exactly sure, however, how that’d landed you in the basement of your own house with a broken leg and shattered kneecaps.

It was to be expected you'd reasoned at first, you had defied common sense and made a deal with a less than savoury entity.

Too bad you hadn't considered the fact that demons could come in the shape of fair seeming, walking tangerines with an aptitude for overbearing affection.

To his defence (something you’ve now come to consider a very ironic concept) Hinata wasn’t exactly - as far as signatories go - the one you'd even made this... deal with. It had been his orphanage, an institution shrouded in fraud and doused in the bitter aroma of embezzlement that had sealed your fortunes in the form of crisp white adoption papers.

You didn’t mind his clingy nature, the crushing strength of his grip when his hand found - sought - yours… actions that could and would have seemed to untrained eyes like a misplaced and overwhelming sense of desperation, like the shock of betrayal carved upon his features when your focus wasn’t solely trained on him, or the unnerving intensity pooling beneath glittering brown iris’ whenever they met yours during his volleyball matches. Again, this was something you’d chalked down to an amalgamation of a passion for the sport, desire to win and an appreciation for the fact that his beloved mother had come to show him the support he had clearly lacked in the early stages of his teenage years.

After all, what was a guardian without unconditional devotion to their child?

He was the coolness of your eyes whilst paradoxically, providing an all-encompassing warmth (much like the sun) and with an ostensibly boundless supply of energy. Such was the ardour that made your heart swell with pride. It was just a terrible pity – in your case at least - that this energy he had was now being put towards severing your contact with the outside world.

Wanted to go outside? He’d want you to help him practice.

Meeting someone? He’d pout and complain.

How could you refuse? You’d naively attributed such possessiveness to the trauma of losing his family and would excuse such behaviour in consideration of the circumstance. It was only natural. You’d decided to be there for him, accepting the responsibility as soon as you’d inked your name on the dotted line… if he needed a little more attention, that’s what he’d get.

And so, the story progressed until towards the end of his third year of high school, he’d decided the affection you were providing him with, however plentiful, wasn’t nearly as satisfactory as he knew it could be. For you still to be surrounded by others must mean his slice of the pie was diminished in size and a growing boy such as himself needed all the nutrition he could get. He’d reasoned that the entirety of said “pie” belonged to him, anyway. Surely no one could chastise him for exercising a due right over his own property?

He didn’t want to be the occupant of most of your time, he wanted all of it… And it was to be brought to your attention as soon as he arrived home from school.

No sooner had he entered through the front door than he was skipping towards your location (in the kitchen) with a blinding smile on his face, proceeding to grip onto your shoulders with a force that clearly betrayed his cheery demeanour.

“What’s wrong Shoyo?” You queried.

He’d went on to detail how neglected he felt whenever you enjoyed the presence of anyone other than him “It feels like you don’t love me anymore!”, like he’s not good enough, y’know? But it wasn’t your fault, all you needed was the chance to see that he was fully capable of being the only one you needed to depend on.

You were, at first, inclined to think of such proclamations as some silly prank, followed by laughter, declarations of how well and truly you’d been fooled and fabricated in boyish mischievousness. You’d managed to ask as such, but the speed and surety of his response had you becoming increasingly concerned.

“Nope!”

You forced out a nervous puff of laughter, clutching at the rapidly burning straws of denial because surely, he couldn’t be serious, but your dismissal had only served to become the source of his irritation and he squeezed you harder, fixing you with a determined stare that could only have been described as no less than peering into your soul.

You had ignored the red flags and were getting your just rewards.

“Sho- stop that hurts!”

“Reeeeeally Okaa-san?!” He quipped with insincere concern “It hurts more when you don’t care for me…”

It was at this bitter intonation that you’d scrambled back in shock and had prepared your body’s primal function of flight in the direction of the nearest exit.

But were you really going to run away from him? Shoyo, your own child, the coolness of your eyes and springtime in the haggard winter of your life?

Yes, yes you were.

And you would have gotten away with it too, had not the subject of your internal conflict taken advantage of your moment’s irresolution. For in a ginger blur of motion you were on the ground, he had taken a hold of your leg…

SNAP

He roughly covered your mouth to silence the scream, pinning you down with the weight of his own body as hot, fat tears rolled down your cheeks. The pain was excruciating, but you wouldn’t feel it for long, as with a swift hook to the jaw you were out cold. It hurt for him to have to utilize violence on the one he cherished; however, it’d seem a tad counterintuitive for him to give you the opportunity to run away.

You’d forgive him, you’d come around. You always did.

He’d swept you up and carried you to the large basement of the house, gently placing you on a worn settee; sickly ochre in colour - the one you’d been meaning to dispose of for years. His actions were soft and caring and his thoughts clouded almost entirely with his overwhelming love for you.

In passing hours he observed your peaceful state mindfully as his core pulsated in the cosy warmth of his rib cage, imagining what a future found solely in each other’s embrace would hold… eventually you’d stay of your own accord, he reasoned. He’d have no need to harm you or to keep you under the low, flickering lights of the basement. Defiance would become a thing of the past. You’d realise how happy you are he’d made the decisions for you, both of you, together…

“Why?” That was a question you sometimes took to asking yourself; more out of pure, unadulterated boredom than anything else. Something you’d already explored the answer to but thought it better to keep your mind occupied with trivial matters than to succumb to insanity (or the intensifying ache of your battered legs).

On that same note, though, contact with the world outside wasn’t the only thing he’d severed.

At the time, such an observation had very nearly made you laugh (and you could probably blame it on the fact that you’d always been quite partial to the more gruesome forms of satire). It was in an impulsive burst of inappropriate and rather facetious humour that you’d wanted to entertain yourself in the recital of depressing hymns (expected, given the nature of your surroundings), to congratulate your stupidity and wallow deeper into the marshes your own self-pity; only to be met with the simple fact that you didn’t have the option.

Your tongue? Gone.

And it hadn’t been the work of the proverbial cat, but your own son, who – cheery as always – had explained that it was another necessary action to stop you from hurting yourself, done behind the ever-wise teaching that prevention was indeed, better than cure. Could you not see he only wanted what was best for you?

It was then you were sure he’d dangerously distorted his self-awarded role as your protector and had lost his mind.

“Okaa-San, Its aright…” He beamed whilst you’d engaged in silently cursing your weak will “You won’t feel a thing!” - he flashed a guilty smile - after I knock you out…again.

And you didn’t. He’d sutured the wound (with what you really didn’t want to know) and made sure you didn’t choke on your own life juices, patching you up like the loving, doting son that he is… It was your job not to worry about the extremity of his actions, as a mother that should do everything in their power to put their beloved’s mind at ease.

Saved from the fate of Exsanguination… shows how much he adores you right? Not that you'd had half the courage or audacity to end your own life in such a macabre fashion, but even if you hadn’t been relieved of the burden of speech; you weren’t one to shatter another’s fantasies - especially if they were high school athletes with inhuman amounts of strength.

In the passing weeks, your mind had dawned upon the realisation that no one was coming to save you - and did you even need saving? – for your parents were far too busy, friends far too distant and dashing officer that’d do everything in his power far too non-existent. Shoyo was the only one who had cared for you, providing you with physical and emotional sustenance you’d never thought you needed - maybe for the reason that he had made himself the only source.

Another thing you’d come to realise, this time regarding unintelligible murmurs, is that they are very much open to interpretation. So even though his barrage of saccharine words were met with your limited arsenal of what might be considered responses, they been understood as absolute agreement, alongside the reciprocation of his affections. Which, to be honest, wasn’t that far off from the truth, as it was by that point, you’d learned the path of resistance was futile and that you were beginning to get used to (and even bask in) the flattery and praise he showered you with, silently and psychologically solidifying the notion that he was yours and you were his.

“You’ll stay with me forever right, Okaa-San?”

He giggled, placing a soft, lingering kiss upon your lips as if he were certain of your answer. And so were you. However, when he looked at you, tenderly caressing your form there was something amiss, a dormant hunger that hadn’t been there before, one that when coupled with the intensity he’d always regarded you with gave birth to towering waves of nausea and accentuated the persistent throb of your injured legs as if in subtle warning…

But you could deal with that later.

Because, despite the fact that his, short, brilliant orange hair had grown long and luscious with time and his scrawny figure had evolved into a mass of lean muscle, he still looked to you … like he did the first day he entered your care. Young, innocent and without fault. Unfairly dealt a bad hand and with you tasked to be the provider of everything he never had. So, as per the contract signed��

You nodded.

After all, what was a guardian without unconditional devotion to their child?

[writing-gifts]

both sides of the viewfinder chp. 1

adult film star!bruno x afab!reader  (they are also gn)

this is 18+ content

summary:  Bruno's interested in you and you're interested in him. It's only a matter of time.

chapter 1 || chapter 2 || chapter 3 || chapter 4

------

A/N: okay so this is gonna be 3 chapters. the last chapter’s smut, but there’s pretty suggestive stuff happening in the 2nd chapter

i did research for this and wanted to try to make it more on the realistic side but there's always the chance that i messed up somewhere, so if you wanna point it out go ahead. it'll be good to know for the future!

------

This wasn't your first time filming for sex work but you felt a little out of your element. The studio that recently hired you was much bigger than what you were used to and considering that you were mainly doing freelance work before, this made everything feel much more professional and serious. Their work had to be highly produced.

"--We aren’t super strict about that, but you should definitely tell me before you go anywhere."

Right now, you were being given a quick tour by one of the people you'd be working with--the Director of Photography. Jocelyn was pretty much your manager and would be giving you most of the orders.

You continue to follow behind her as she continues to show you around. But you couldn't help eyeing the high quality lights and cameras you pass as she talked though. The equipment must have been worth a lot.

Once she has finished showing you around, she leads you back to the set filled with the crew that you passed earlier.

You listen closely as she goes over the details of the film.

"This will be the room where the main scene will take place. Today we will have you operating one of the stationary cameras, but since you’ve done stuff like this before I decided to let you do it without someone breathing down your neck. Just follow my orders."

You like the woman already. "Thank you."

"The shoot will start in--" she checks her watch, "--about an hour. Today is just filming for you but you know you’ll be doubling up as a runner when necessary. We might also have you help with other tasks while you work here too."

You nod to show you understand.

She smiles, "If you have any questions don't be afraid to ask me or any of your co-workers. Try to avoid asking the director though…."

-------

You adjust the headphones on your head as you stand in front of the camera you'd be in charge of today.

Working it should be simple enough since you didn't have to actually move. You just needed to make sure it stayed in focus so they had more options when it came to angles.

About 10 minutes later, the two actors starring today show up dressed in fairly nice clothes that they wouldn't be wearing for too long. One of them seemed quite friendly with everyone. He must be pretty popular you think.

Before you can recede to your thoughts, you recognize him.

Is that Bruno Bucciarati?

You quickly confirm that it is and turn your body away from him and towards the camera, as if doing that would hide you. You weren't necessarily a stan but you did follow him on social media. And perhaps you did subscribe to his OnlyFans. And there's a good chance you paid money for some of his work.

It wasn't your fault that he was one of the few male stars you found attractive!

You shake your head. This was work. Don't get starstruck.

Luckily, it doesn't take you long to get distracted with the camera. You rarely get to operate such expensive equipment like this so you find yourself looking at all it had to offer.

While you neglect socializing with the people you would be working with from now on, someone comes up to you.

"You look so focused."

Your eyes widen from the sudden voice and you pull down your headphones as you look to the side. "Oh sorry--" When you see who it is the rest of your statement dies in your throat.

However, Bruno isn't deterred by your abrupt stop. "You must be the new camera person."

You stare a second too long before nodding.

He holds out a hand and you have to calm your shaking one before reaching out and grabbing his. His hand was really warm.

“Nice to meet you, my name's Bruno Bucciarati."

"I'm ____. I've actually seen some of your work before! You really are as handsome as in the videos."

Even though you're straight-faced, you were regretting what you just said. It was a simple compliment but what if it was too much? His looks did astound you though, there was no denying it. And you really didn't understand how he managed to pull off that haircut.

You smile to ease the tension within yourself and Bruno returns it. Whether it was genuine or out of politeness you didn't know, but it helps you relax.

"Thank you," he says.

“Okay everyone get in your damn places! We’ll be starting soon!”

Your brows raise at the director’s choice of words.

Bruno turns back to you. "Well, let's do our best to get through this."

You nod and watch him walk towards the bed where his co-star is waiting, and the director immediately starts going over what he wants the two of them to do once he’s there.

You decide to do a quick second check on your camera to make sure everything is still working properly before waiting patiently for the director to start.

------

Between some cuts and breaks, filming’s done about 6 hours later. You’d been informed about the typical work time so you weren't surprised. The porn from this studio was highly produced, with a few “amateur” looking works thrown in, so it was the norm. But this was the longest you had worked on one film. So depending on how particular the director was, you would need to be prepared to do at least several hours of filming when behind the camera.

You rub your eyes. It's only 4 pm but you're yearning for your bed. You could only imagine how tired the actors were.

Right after you turn off the camera, Jocelyn calls you over.

"You did well today and looks like you don't need any serious training. Good job!" she praises.

You guessed you passed the new hire "test". That gave you a bit of an energy boost and you can't help the smile on your face.

While you remove the camera from its tripod, you begin to retreat to your mind. And of course, your mind wanders to a certain actor.

Bruno was good at what he did. Really good. And the other actor seemed to genuinely enjoy working with him too. For a second, you wonder what it's like.

You glance up and accidentally make eye contact with a now fully clothed Bruno. The man walks towards you and even though you had watched him just have sex for multiple hours, you feel nervous.

“What’s up?” you ask when he's close enough.

"Nothing. I like to check up on newcomers, but you must have worked in this field for a while since they usually tend to have some hang ups."

"Uh yea. I've been doing stuff like this for awhile. Good work today by the way."

"Same with you. It was long but things went as smoothly as they could."

You nod in agreement and finish folding up the tripod. “They did, but honestly that one position you were in looked super uncomfortable! Is your back okay?”

The man laughs. “I'll be fine. That was pretty tame to be fair.”

“Wow, you must be super fit or flexible then...” You notice your coworkers walking off with equipment and decide its best to end the conversation so you can follow them. "Oh, I need to put away this stuff. Thanks for checking up on me though!"

Bruno smiles at you and you scurry off with the camera and the tripod.

-----

You'd been here a week so far. Each day varied with things to do and you never really knew what you'd exactly be working on until you got to the studio.

For today you had a list of various tasks but the first one was conducting a pre-shoot interview with the actors for the porn being shot in an hour.

You look through the viewfinder at the two men sitting on the couch. You were already recording but the interview hadn't started just yet.

“It’s been awhile since I've done an interview so bear with me...” you mumble while going over the questions in your head.

“No pressure ____,” Bruno says.

The man doesn't seem bothered but Prosciutto, on the other hand, isn’t as laid back.

“You should at least have a list of questions prepared,” the blonde says.

"Yep right here!" You pull out a piece of paper from your pocket. From the list you could tell this collaboration had been long requested by their fans.

“I did my best to remember it but just in case…” You place the paper on a surface out of view.

You readjust the camera on your shoulder before speaking again. “Okay, let's start with names you say.”

You focus the camera on Bruno. You wish you had a tripod, but they were insistent on having you walk around with the damn thing to make it feel more “personal”.

"I’m Bruno Bucciarati."

You then turn the camera to focus on Prosciutto.

"I’m Prosciutto."

“So I know this is the first time you both are working together. How are we feeling?”

Bruno smiles. “I'm feeling pretty good and ready to work. How about you, Prosciutto?”

“Pretty much how I do before any shoot.”

“And what's that?” you ask.

Prosciutto crosses his arms. “Mostly relaxed but looking forward to it of course.”

"That's good. I know it'll be tiring filming and from how highly requested this seems to be, the director's going to want this to be perfect. But I'm hoping you guys still have fun."

"I'm sure we will, but I still don't know why so many people wanted us to work together," Prosciutto says.

Bruno nods. "Agreed. I feel like we’ve rarely interacted until now."

"Well people like seeing attractive people together. And I've actually seen fancams of you two interacting on Twitter. It's pretty entertaining!"

“You search those up?” Bruno asks.

“No, they just show up on my timeline sometimes.”

“...So you're a fan of Bruno then?” You weren't sure why but you sense a bit of judgement coming from Prosciutto.

"A little, but let's move on." You take a peek at the paper. "So who’s receiving and who’s catching?"

You raise a brow at how the question’s phrased.

Bruno looks at Prosciutto. “Don't you think we should let the film speak for itself.”

The blonde hums in agreement. “If they need to know so badly, they can skip ahead.”

“True. I think either way would be fun to watch though,” you say.

“Definitely. You should let me know what you think later.” Bruno says.

You don't mean to smile but it's already happening. "Sure."

“You're real unprofessional flirting with the camera person in the middle of an interview,” Prosciutto chides.

“It's just some banter. Are you jealous?”

Prosciutto tsks at Bruno's statement.

You shake your head deciding not to acknowledge those comments. The editor would have to cut out that bit. The two seemed to get along well enough for work but you had a feeling they would get on each other's nerves if they stayed together too long.

“Okay so this is definitely a good question to ask next. What do you guys like about each other? Either personality or physical wise."

Prosciutto glances at Bruno before speaking. “I can admit that the man has a nice….physique.”

You grin. "You sound like I'm putting a gun to your head."

The man fixes you with a very unamused look but you continue on smiling.

"What about you Bruno?" you ask.

“Well he has an attractive face and body, of course. His stubbornness is enjoyable at times too.”

“Stubbornness?”

Prosciutto seems to have the same question as you because he looks at Bruno for his explanation.

“Yes it's a good trait to have in certain situations.” Bruno returns the blonde’s stare. “It'll also make seeing him unravel much more interesting.”

The two of them are now looking at each other very intently and you feel like you should leave the room. But you need to finish the interview.

“Nice...so this is the last question. Is there anything specific you two are looking forward to?”

Fortunately, the two of them can still hear you and respond.

Bruno hums, “I suppose it's been awhile since I've given a blowjob, so there's that.”

"...And I'm looking forward to receiving one."

You let out a chuckle, “Okay, Prosciutto I see what you're about.” You quickly skim the list of interview questions. "Well looks like that's it! You guys ready to go?”

They both give you their positive answers.

“Then let's get you guys ready for the shoot."

Bruno smiles while Prosciutto's face stays neutral.

After that statement you stop recording.

“Okay, nice job guys!” You look at the clock on the wall. “That went pretty fast. So you can go ahead and head to the set.”

Prosciutto nods and exits the room but Bruno stays behind.

“Are you going to be helping film for the shoot?” he asks.

You gently place the camera down on the table where you left the paper.

“No, I have to go out and buy some things for something being filmed later this week. And then I have to go do some other stuff around the studio…” You laugh, “They really have me running around!”

Bruno looks slightly concerned. “You’d prefer to stay behind the camera the whole time right?”

“Yep but that's okay. I already knew what I was getting into, and I get paid better pretty well for it.” You look back up at the clock. “I’ll definitely be back for the interview after filming though so I should see you then.”

Bruno nods. "Okay, good luck with your errands."

----

By the end of the day, you're exhausted. Your list of tasks wasn't hard, you just ended up moving a lot more than you planned. You even almost forgot to take your break in your hustle.

When you return to your apartment, you eat something and take a quick shower before dressing up for bed. And once you're snuggled up in your covers, you decide to check your Twitter to see if anything interesting has happened.

While scrolling through the random posts retweeted throughout the day, you happen upon a pretty suggestive picture of Bruno in lingerie. He posted it not too long ago.

Nice.

You click on his icon to check his page to see if there’s anything else new, and under his username notice the words follows you.

Your eyes widen and you double check and refresh to make sure you're not seeing things. You go into your notifications and see that he followed you a couple hours ago. You really weren't sure what to do. It would be weird if you messaged him, right?

You take a deep breath and decide to take the chance. Bruno probably got hundreds of messages so it shouldn't be a big deal.

hi, i saw that you followed me. just making sure you didn't make a mistake lol

Before you can overthink it you send the message. After that you go back to his page and like and retweet the lingerie photo, but you still need a distraction so you wouldn't obsess over a possible reply. When you're thinking of getting out of bed, a message from Bruno pops up.

You quickly open it to see the full message.

No mistakes here. I searched you up and saw that you already followed me so I wanted to follow back.

It's not the first time you've been followed by pornstars or coworkers you worked with, but it was honestly still rare. And something about it being Bruno made your heart beat faster. You momentarily think about everything you retweeted in the last hour, before sending a message back.

oh okay, thx! i'll try not to bother you too much, you probably get a lot of messages

A few seconds pass before you get another reply.

Not necessarily. I have DMs off for people I don't follow. I love my fans but they can get...rowdy. Either way, you can message me whenever you want.

Wow, what would you even talk about with Bruno outside of work related things...

oh, that makes sense. well i guess i’ll take you up on the offer ^^

You see the three dots going for a while before another message appears.

I saw you retweeted my picture.

Your heart skips a beat.

oh god, now i feel embarrassed all of a sudden!

No don’t be. I'm glad you like it.

You smile to yourself.

yea, you look really good in lingerie ...you look good in anything tbh or without anything lmao

You feel like you're about to say something really embarrassing if this conversation continues and quickly type up another message before he can respond.

i’m really tired so i’m going to get ready for bed

The three dots disappear for a moment before showing up again.

Shame, I would have liked talking more. But I understand, you looked really exhausted during the post interview.

yea i was but it’s no biggie and we can message later ❤

Okay then, sleep well ____.

good night 😴

You close out of the app after that and honestly, that went way better than you were expecting.

[goldenclosetnetwork]

23 | Jungkook’s Birthday Project [Masterlist]

In celebration of Jungkook’s birthday, GCN is hosting our very first project! In honor of our Golden Maknae turning 23, our project will be based on 23 Prompts and 23 AUs! 

Thank you to everyone who joined us!! We hope you had loads of fun writing for JK’s bday!!

Official Post

⥼ Header & borders made by @mindays​ ♡

⥼ Collaborating Networks: @winterbearnet​ | @suganetwork​ | @bangtanarmynet​ | @thebtswritersclub​ | @bangtan-headquarters​ | @kwritersworld​ | @btswritingcafe​ | @hopeworldnet​ | @bangtanfairygarden​ | @btsnoonanet​ | @bighitcity​

⤚ A Hero’s Journey by @hansolmates​

⥼ read here ⥽

⤜ summary: Jungkook and Jisoo are the mightiest power couple. However, one drunken confession and that whole facade fades in an instant. You realize that maybe you need to break from your unvaried life for a bit and be the hero of your own love story ⤜ genre: best friend’s boyfriend au, slice of life, angst, smut, graphic designer au, editor au ⤜ pairing: Jungkook x (f) reader

⤚ EXPLORER by @1kook​

⥼ read here ⥽

⤜ summary: Jungkook does not want to impress the frankly tyrannical ways of his planet on you. He just wants to stay here and keep your couch warm for you, hold your hair back when you wash your face in the morning. ⤜ genre: fluff, smut, strangers to friends to lovers, alien au ⤜ pairing: Jungkook x (f) reader 

⤚ Good Different by @prettyboongi​

⥼ read here ⥽

⤜ summary: You and Jeon Jungkook have been best friends for as long as you could remember. Everyone knows you two as "The Gruesome Twosome" and you'd be so lost without your best guy. So imagine your shock when one day Jungkook suddenly confesses his true feelings for you and asks you to be his girlfriend! Surprised and anxious, you accept his feelings and agree to try out a relationship with Jungkook while wrestling your own conflicting feelings towards him. ⤜ genre: fluff, angst, friends 2 lovers au ⤜ pairing: Jungkook x (f) reader

⤚ Here Comes The Bride, All Dressed In Pride by @hansolmates​

⥼ read here ⥽

⤜ summary: You and your cousin Doyeon have had beef with each other since the sandbox. When she plucks the last straw, you decide to end your long-simmering fight by claiming that you and her ex—Jeon Jungkook, are now boyfriend and girlfriend. ⤜ genre: fluff, crack, fake dating au ⤜ pairing: Jungkook x reader

⤚ Into The Shadows by @mikroparadise​

⥼ read here ⥽

⤜ summary: Late nights at the office were never really your thing. But when the new guy Jeon Jungkook asks you to stay late to help him with a personal project one evening, despite you barely knowing him from Adam, you can’t bring yourself to say no to him. Your first coffee break of the night proves to be horrifying, however, when you accidentally witness an event that you should have never been there to see. And now, you and Jungkook have to run like your lives depend on it. Because they do. ⤜ genre: angst, smut, mafia au, s2l au, mafia au ⤜ pairing: Jungkook x reader

⤚ i wanna do (whatever you wanna do) by @joopiterjoon​

⥼ read here ⥽

⤜ summary: Jungkook gets into trouble a lot, but that's okay because his three hyungs always forgive him. ⤜ genre: fluff, slice of life, mxm, poly au ⤜ pairing: Jungkook x Rapline

⤚ Losing It by @yoonseoksoftie​

⥼ read here ⥽

⤜ summary: there are many ways jungkook thought he’d lose his v-card. prom, at his debutant ball, at jin’s crazy house parties, during his first semester at college or maybe a one night stand. but never did he think it would be to you. ⤜ genre: fluff, smut, fuckgirl au, f22l au ⤜ pairing: Jungkook x reader

⤚ Love Language by @ezralia-writes​​

⥼ read here ⥽

⤜ summary: “Relationships grow better when we understand each other. Each love language is important and expresses love in its own way. Learning the way we feel loved and appreciated helps create a stronger bond in a relationship.” ~ The Five Love Languages Perhaps the reason two best friends retained unrequited crushes for each other all these years is simply because neither of you could understand the different ways you express your undying affections for one another. ⤜ genre: fluff, angst, f2l (idiots 2 lovers) ⤜ pairing: Jungkook x (f) reader

⤚ Personal Galaxy by @baepsaesbae​

⥼ read here ⥽

⤜ summary: You and your boyfriend, Jungkook, go on a stargazing date to celebrate your anniversary. ⤜ genre: smut, fluff, established relationship au ⤜ pairing: Jungkook x (f) reader

⤚ Prince of Darkness by @suqakoo​

⥼ read here ⥽

⤜ summary: Your coven has protected the Prince of Darkness for centuries before you were even born. He was never supposed to wake without his mate, unless...she lives. ⤜ genre: smut, minor angst, romance, vampire au, witch au, soulmate au ⤜ pairing: Jungkook x (f) reader

⤚ Roseraie by @yeojaa​

⥼ read here ⥽

⤜ summary: What you had - so brilliant and beautiful and bright it was almost impossible to look at head-on - was what was tearing you two apart.  It was your love that would be your demise. ⤜ genre: angst, soulmate au, hanahaki au ⤜ pairing: Jungkook x (f) reader

⤚ 神奇 (Shénqí) by @heyitsmeee2​

⥼ read here ⥽

⤜ summary: Lost in a magical forest is not what you expected. Neither was being stuck in a fairy village for the unforeseeable future. But you didn't mind it too much, especially when there was a sweet fairy willing to help you out. ⤜ genre: romance, fantasy au, fairy au, s2l-e2l-f2l au ⤜ pairing: Jungkook x (gender neutral) reader

⤚ Stupid Love by @daydreamindollie​ 

⥼ read here ⥽

⤜ summary: you want to be honest with him but saying you love him would be stupid; he wouldn't know love if it slapped him across the face ⤜ genre: fluff, angst, superhero au, best friends 2 lovers ⤜ pairing: Jungkook x (f) reader

⤚ Sugar Pink by @dewykth​

⥼ read here ⥽

⤜ summary: maybe asking his brother's best friend to teach him about sex was a stupid, impulsive decision. but jungkook has never been one for good plans. besides, it's not like it could get any worse than this right? ⤜ genre: romance, angst, smut, brother's best friend au ⤜ pairing: Jungkook x reader

⤚ The Most Lonely Creature by @astraljoon​

⥼ read here ⥽

⤜ summary: Playing with an old radio seemed silly, but you had nothing better to do. you didn't expect to come into contact with someone, or something, and they so happened to be on the other side of the cosmos. ⤜ genre: fluff, angst, smut, alien au ⤜ pairing: Jungkook x (f) reader

⤚ There You Are by @joonkookiemonster​

⥼ read here ⥽

⤜ summary: Everyone around him found their mates already and he is very anxious about his. Out of all scenarios he had imagined, it didn't cross his mind that his omega comes into his house as the shy fried chicken delivery girl, under his big pet dog. ⤜ genre: fluff, smut, werewolf au, a/b/o au, alpha au, omega au ⤜ pairing: Jungkook x reader

⤚ (Un)welcomed Addition by @honeyj00ns​

⥼ read here ⥽

⤜ summary: After a drunken one night stand with your neighbor, you have your reasons for wanting to forget it ever happened and never talk to him again. Unfortunately, Jungkook wins the award for the world’s worst neighbor so his 3 am wakeup calls and mail stealing have you banging at his door on an almost weekly basis. You just want to make it to the end of your lease so you can leave all the traces of the fuckboy next door behind...unless your feelings get in the way of course. ⤜ genre: fluff, angst, neighbors 2 lovers au, fuckboy au ⤜ pairing: Jungkook x (f) reader

⤚ Wherever You Are by @suhdays​

⥼ read here ⥽

⤜ summary: It’s not that he was afraid, he was just unsure of how to connect to those so unlike him. It’s not that he was never in love before, he just never loved anyone quite like he loves you. In all of the decades that has passed since his turning to a vampire, Jeongguk wanted nothing more than to be with you. ⤜ genre: fluff, slight angst, vampire au ⤜ pairing: Jungkook x (f) reader

⤚ Your Eyes Tell by @pars-ley​

⥼ read here ⥽

⤜ summary: When your best friend’s a prince and inherits the throne, he needs to find a wife to rule alongside him as Queen, you’re more than happy to help him choose an eligible bachelorette. But what happens when you, who only wants to marry for love, are forced to be one of the participants? Jungkook already knows he wants to choose you. He’s loved you for years but could he do that to his best friend; force a marriage of  convenience and a life of loyalty to the throne onto you, when he knows all you desire is love and romance? ⤜ genre: fluff, angst, royals au, arranged marriage au, unrequited love au ⤜ pairing: Jungkook x (f) reader

⤚ Zero to Hero by @btsxdoll​

⥼ read here ⥽

⤜ summary: Life hadn't been kind to Jungguk but that hadn't stopped him before, so why would it not? ⤜ genre: fluff, angst, romance, greek mythology au   ⤜ pairing: Jungkook x (f) reader

[juniorgman187]

More Than You Know (Spencer Reid Imagine)

Summary: After Reader goes through a life-threatening situation, the only person who can help her is the person that landed her in the situation in the first place - Spencer. 

Category: Angst  Couple: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid Content Warning: Cussing, mentions of violent attack, allusions to PTSD Word Count: 2.1K

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

Hate is a very strong word. A word that was specifically reserved for your feelings towards Spencer Reid. 

You loathed that man, or should you say boy, with every fiber of your being. Ever since you joined the unit, he had it out for you. He’d brutally ignore you for long periods of time, refused to collaborate with you, and when he did acknowledge you - the attention wasn’t exactly rewarding. He’d correct you, talk over you when you tried to speak, or sometimes he’d just flat out insult you. You didn’t know what you did to provoke him or what made you so deserving of his harsh treatment, but you wouldn’t stand for it. You weren’t just going to be a doormat, so you thought: an eye for an eye. If he was going to disrespect you, you weren’t going to respect him. You had no problems playing nice, though. In fact, it was a game between the two of you. Whenever you’d have dinner at Rossi’s or there was a special occasion that the entire team attended, you two were the best of friends. It was an unspoken rule that you and Spencer were to be on your best behavior at formal functions. You’d smile at each other, compliment one another, even laugh together. It was all just an act, none of it was real, but it was fun to play. Your dynamic confused the team, but it made perfect sense to you. If Spencer treated you poorly, you would do the same. If he treated you nicely, you had no problems reciprocating a good attitude back. It was all dependent on him. His behavior dictated who he would deal with - the angel or the devil. 

Today you came into work, even though you really shouldn’t have. Just a few days prior, you’d managed to dislocate your knee after an unsub surprised you from behind. And who was to blame but the genius himself who suggested, ‘Let’s split up.’ Because you two separated, you were left to trek the forest all by your lonesome and clearly, it didn’t work in your favor. 

Even though you were badly wounded, you couldn’t let your paperwork build up, and you knew you’d get too distracted at home to focus on it, so you came to work late at night when you knew no one would be around to reprimand you or send you packing. You definitely should’ve been taking a break, but you were a workaholic at heart and not even a dislocated knee would change that. 

When you opened the glass doors, you were pleased to see that you were all alone. With your crutches to help you, you finally got to your desk. You flicked on your desk lamp and gathered the large stack of papers from your pull out cabinet. 

“You’re not supposed to be back yet.” A voice chimed from behind you. 

No fucking way. 

You were so pissed off at him that you didn’t even want to look at him. 

“So is this where you’ve been? In the office while the rest of the team visited me in the hospital?” It was a passive-aggressive comment referring to the fact that your ‘teammate’ who was responsible for your injury didn’t even have the decency to come to the hospital to see you. It wasn’t like you particularly wanted him there but that was the least he could’ve done.

He didn’t even answer because he was so much of a scaredy cat. 

“That’s what I thought.” You added, returning to your work. 

It was most likely a cruel joke conceived by Hotch that Spencer’s desk was right across from yours. Because just when you thought you could do your paperwork peacefully, there he was, taking his seat in front of you. The privacy dividers weren’t tall enough to shield you from his stupid face and his stupid stares. 

You’d dealt with his staring all of five minutes before finally speaking up. “Do you need something?” You sassily asked, looking right back at him as he simply stared and sipped at his coffee. 

He pouted his lips a little and shrugged. “Nope. I’m good.”

Oh, so it’s gonna be like that? 

“What are you even doing here?” Anger thickly coated your tone. 

“Just enjoying my coffee.” He devilishly grinned. The fact that he was acting so nonchalant pissed you off even more. 

You blew it off and averted your eyes from the soul-sucking devil doctor and got back to work. Apparently, it wasn’t enough to watch you while you worked, because he started sipping loudly from his mug. The slurping noise was ear-splitting. It was one of your biggest pet-peeves and somehow, Reid knew that. Loud chewers and drink slurpers had a special place in hell according to you. Reid did too, but you weren’t going to give him the satisfaction of seeing you implode from his annoying behavior. So instead of reacting, you simply looked up from the papers, smiled, leaned over his desk, grabbed the cup from his hands, and took a long drawn out sip. You pressed your lips so hard onto the rim that it left a lipstick stain when you were done with it. You placed the cup right back onto his desk, making sure to turn the lipstick mark towards him. You sat back down with a smug look on your face. 

Take that, germaphobe. 

“Mmm, that was really good coffee. I needed that. Thanks a bunch, Sebastian.” Oh did you forget to mention? Rather than calling him Spencer, you’d deliberately say a different guy name that started with S just to piss him off. The first few times he actually corrected you, but after a while, he just gave up entirely. That was your first victory in the long line of battles between you and him. 

Reid glared at you with dark eyes. “That was real cute. But is that all you got?” 

“I mean, I could suggest splitting up while pursuing an unsub, so you’re all alone while being brutally attacked, but then again, I’m not that cruel.” You spat. You wanted him to feel your wrath. You hoped that he felt so guilty and torn up over his mistake that he couldn’t even sleep at night. You wanted him to know just how scary it was being in the dark, being beaten by someone much stronger than you, being completely alone. 

As the awful memory started to replay in your mind, you felt tears pricking at your eyes. You momentarily rose from your seat, planning on composing yourself in the restroom, but you still had more to say.

“What were you even thinking, Reid? Splitting up? I mean, you of all people know what can happen when people split up. Remember Tobias?” This touched a nerve, but he didn’t get angry. No, he actually looked sorry. 

“Do you know the first thing I did when he jumped me?” It was a rhetorical question so you continued to tell him. “I yelled for you. I yelled out your name three times. I needed you, Reid. I needed you, and you did nothing. Could you not hear me or were you just ignoring me like you always do?” Tears were spilling from your eyes at a million miles per second now. You wiped them away to hide your weakness and exasperatingly flung your arms. 

“I thought I was gonna die, dude! I actually felt like I was on the verge of death. And you were the first person I asked for. Not Hotch. Not Morgan. Or Rossi. Or JJ. Or Prentiss. You. You were the person I wanted to come and save me, but no. You couldn’t resist letting me struggle on my own  . . . I hope that haunts you at night. I hope you never forget what your negligence could’ve done. I hope you’re forever tormented by the thought of showing up to my funeral with the knowledge that you treated me like complete shit while I was alive. I hope you dwell on the image of my family crying over my dead body, while you stand there watching - knowing that you were the only person who could’ve prevented my death.” You were laying it on thick, but you didn’t even feel a single ounce of guilt. Why should you? He deserved to know that his actions had consequences. “How’s that for cruel, Reid?” 

You stood up completely using your crutches to hobble to the bathroom. You were finished with your sermon and it felt good to speak and not be interrupted by him. To release all the pent up anger you harbored. Reid was at a complete loss for words, just as he should’ve been. And just before you exited the glass doors, you turned around. 

“You know, what the worst part is? That even after all of that, I was still ready to console you and tell you that it wasn’t your fault after I came out of surgery. I was ready to forgive you at the hospital. But you didn’t even have the heart to be there . . . now I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive you.”

You pushed the doors open and didn’t look back. Heading for the bathroom, you staggered as fast as your one foot and two crutches could carry you. When you finally got there, your upper body collapsed onto the sink and the crutches fell out from under your arms. The mirror exposed your appearance to yourself and it was horrifying how you barely recognized yourself. 

Your eyes were red and swollen from crying, with the right one still faintly black and blue from a fading bruise. Your face was covered in scratches that came from the twigs you squirmed in while trying to escape. There was a small band aid on the bridge of your nose where he punched you to silence you after you called Reid’s name for the third time. The sounds of your own muffled cries and labored breathing repeated in your mind over and over again. You could actually feel his hands around your neck suffocating you again. You were breathless from crying so hard. Your wails ricocheted off the bathroom walls. The only stability you had came from clutching the sink as your body rocked back and forth with each sob. Had you wept any louder, you wouldn’t have heard the bathroom door open. In the mirror, you could see Reid silently approaching. 

“Get out!” You screeched. He didn’t listen and instead came even closer with outstretched arms. 

“No! I hate you!” You backed away from him and right into a wall. You had nowhere to go with his frame completely blocking you from escaping. “I hate you!” You repeated, beating his chest with the side of your balled up fists. 

“I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” You screamed. Each beat on his chest grew weaker and weaker as you succumbed to the pain. 

“I know. I know,” He softly answered. “Come here, Y/N.” Putting his arms around you. This time, you didn’t stop him. He held you in his arms, nuzzling his head in the crook of your neck. You couldn’t hug him back yet. Your hands stayed glued to your sides while your cries started subsiding. 

“I’m -” He choked up before he could even say the rest. “I’m so sorry, Y/N.” 

His shaky voice made you whimper. He was genuinely sorry, but it didn’t change things. 

“I hate you.” You muttered once more. This one didn’t sound as violent as the previous ones. You’d repeated it so many times it lost its meaning because it wasn’t true. It wasn’t a word specifically reserved for Reid anymore, because you didn’t hate him. Not at all. 

Reid heard the change of tone in your voice and squeezed you even harder. 

He didn’t hate you either. 

Slowly, you accepted his hug. At first, your palms were flat against his shoulder blades, but eventually, you let your arms wrap around his neck completely. 

“I don’t know if I can do this job anymore.” You honestly confessed. It was true. Ever since the attack, it started pervading your every breath. Not a second went by that you didn’t think about it. It was at the front of your mind at all times. 

“You’re so much stronger than you think - more than you know.” Spencer told you. You wanted to believe him. You wanted his words to help, but they couldn’t. It wasn’t enough. 

“When is it finally time to give up?” This was a question that had been on your mind a lot as of recently. At what point do you bow out? When is it time to call it quits? How do you know when you’ve had enough? How do you know how much more you can take before you break? Was there an answer to any of that? Apparently so. 

“Growing might feel like breaking at first, Y/N.”

Courage is not having the strength to go on; it is going on when you don’t have the strength.

- Theodore Roosevelt

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

[genaleah]

ANSWERING WILDCARD QUESTIONS

For the first time in about a year maybe??? Some of these might be even older than that.

Yes, it is Korka! I definitely want her involved, she’s a wonderful character and there is a *lot* of fun paranormal stuff going on in this setting that she can help them research. Also, I’d just love for her and Nelson to become friends!

Thank you! I love him a lot, and it’s fun to picture him interacting with the other guys. They’d all make for some interesting uncle figures, but they might not be that great in terms of role models.

OHOHO. Devilish laugh. That’s a wonderful idea, and a good way to keep him occupied at some point. He’s a great character, but he’s incredibly powerful, and I want these dudes to solve their own problems whenever possible. 

A good question! I don’t remember most of my dreams, but there’s usually a consistent look to the vivid ones. Lots of water, mountains, creeks, and high, winding roads. There are also a lot of buildings that are closely integrated with nature, even though I have almost never seen construction like that. 

I had not, but now I have! Here’s a trailer, for anyone else that missed it:

https://youtu.be/33HXHaaagsw

I really like these new models! I’m looking forward to watching a playthrough when that’s available. Just like with Rhombus of Ruin, I don’t think I’ll be able to play this one myself.

DOUBLE FINE, I WISH TO SPEAK WITH YOU- no, I’m kidding! I think great minds think alike. But I’m really excited to learn more about that character and possibly involve them in this whole au eventually. 

I’ve actually tried to avoid almost any info about Psychonauts 2 so I can go in mostly-blind, and a lot of the characters are vague to me. It’s fun to look forward to, but it’s also a little harrowing because I don’t know how to anticipate for it!

N...NO..... I NEED TO... Honestly those are old enough that it might be a good idea for me to re-make them, as well as the playing cards I made for the mega playlist cover. I think it’d be nice to remake them as vectors... that might make for a nice art stream sometime. I’ll mention publicly if I start doing that, and sharing any of these conceptual Wildcards arts when they’re done. 

And if you’re just curious about what the tarot cards for the other characters are going to be, it’s this:

Eddie: Judgement, The Magician, The Emperor

Manny: Death, Justice, The World

Sam: The Chariot, The Tower, Strength

Max: The Devil, Wheel of Fortune, Joker

Although! I may actually give the Moon card to Max instead of the Devil, and replace the missing card from Nelson’s selection with the High Priestess?  🤔  I’ll decide when I get to it.

Could be! I’ve flip-flopped occasionally on if I want the split-a-cab gang to participate much in the story. I think they deserve a break, and splitting an apartment in New York seems like a good situation for the four of them.

Oh boy, that must be so disorienting for him. The Psychonauts deal with a lot of hippy-dippy weirdness in a seemingly organized way, but it seems like they’re not as paranoid about safety as a real federal organization would be. Not necessarily a good thing, considering one of their camp counselors went AWOL one day, and the head of the Psychonauts got kidnapped the next. They kinda need to get their act together.

Fun fact, in one of the earlier drafts of Chapter 3 I was actually going to make Nelson get scanned by the equivalent of a metal-detector for malevolent thoughts at the door and get really spooked by it, but I decided against it.

YEAH IT’S ON THE LIST

Honestly, a big bulk of the plot in this just regards characters having to face their mental health struggles... via facing it as literal internal demons, unstable powers, etc.  It’s going to take a little while for any of Eddie’s teammates to realize how MUCH he has going on under the surface because he does a pretty good job of hiding it. “Needing to help others above ever helping themselves” is a hard issue to notice if you’re not looking for it. But it’s a guarantee that once they find out he needs help, they’ll give it; whether that’s making sure he’s not working himself too hard, or fighting off demonic cultists. Care comes in many forms.

SHE NEEDS TO REST.... POOR SYBIL (on the upside, they don’t TECHNICALLY work there, so she might be fine most of the time.)

Strong Bad isn’t a Psychonaut! He’s just a vlogger and a petty (psychic) criminal. It’s honestly not very different from canon.

Free Country, USA is a smalltown hotbed of psychic activity. Nearly everyone there has some mild capacity for supernatural powers, but nobody really notices or cares. Strong Bad just pops the tops off of cold ones and.... sometimes alters reality, a tiny bit. But mostly just in regards to media. The cartoons, comics, etc, that he invents and talks about have a tendency to suddenly voip into existence and nobody knows how. I swear, there’s actually a line of him saying something to this effect, but I can’t find it anywhere.  Don’t worry about it! Nobody in town is ever going to do anything truly nefarious with their powers, so it’s not a high priority on the Psychonauts’ radar, just a weird footnote.

The only reason Homestar is an actual agent is because he seems like exactly the kind of guy to sign up for a job like that on accident and then stick with it. And he’s a talented telekinetic! None of his other friends know about his job or notice his absences.

And just for fun, here’s some weird instances of psychic overpowering that happened in the cartoon:

---

(Poor Strong Sad)

I’ve actually answered this one before! BAM  Pretty sure all of it is still accurate.

Nelson: He sees floating sheets of paper containing notes, questions, etc. Anything that he wants to know more about regarding that person. The notes are subject to edits, cross-outs, ripped pages, etc.

Guybrush: He sees the item that the person is carrying that he wants most. As he gets to know people better, he sees them for their useful skills first.

Manny: His view of most living people is not very kind...

The people he’s closest to will eventually look a lot less garish. More like a flattering, camera-ready versions of themselves.

Eddie: Sickass sketch drawings that look like they belong in the margins of a composition book. The illustrations improve as he gets a better picture of where they’d fit in the internal lore of his mental world.

Sam: A lot like Nelson; Sam pictures case files, though his are a bit more in-depth.

Max: Max’s visions of people are highly personal and uncomfortable for those who witness them. He sees Nelson as a puzzle with a piece missing. Guybrush is a ripped up voodoo doll. Manny is a forgotten ofrenda. Eddie is a powder keg with a long, lit fuse. Sam is Sam, but he’s the wrong one.

I also got two questions that were pretty big subjects, or that I didn’t want to repeat, so I’m gonna cover them pretty broadly:

REGARDING [X] CHARACTER OR SERIES INCLUDED IN THE AU

Sure, I support it! I’ve gotten this question a few times in regards to things that I haven’t had time to delve into yet, or I’m not interested in, so I’m not going to include it into the AU myself. But if you want to explore an idea like that, feel free! This AU is pretty dang collaborative.

My main focus is just on the main 6 properties: Psychonauts, Puzzle Agent, Monkey Island, Grim Fandango, Brutal Legend, and Sam & Max.

But my general rule of thumb for “characters that exist somewhere within the background of this story” are any other properties owned by Telltale, Lucasarts, or Double Fine. And considering all of the licensed games that Telltale was getting into before it kicked the bucket, that includes some really weird characters, even up to the Venture Bros. I loved that series, but I’m not really interested in doing anything with them for this story! Partly for my sanity, the canon I’ve picked are already a lot of content to play with. 

ASSORTED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE WILDCARD AU DISCORD

There’s no particular criteria needed to join the discord, and it’s not strictly on a need-to-know basis! Because it’s been a long while since anyone has joined, I've been hesitant about adding new people in... But I‘ve decided to try sending invitations again! Everyone who had asked about it in the past will be getting a ping by me in about a day or so, since I want to double-check if you’re still interested. If you’ve been nervous to ask you can reply to this post or message me privately.

Some things to keep in mind before asking or accepting the invite:

If you’re not a friend or a follower I recognize, I will likely double-check your tumblr along with some other current members before sending the invite. 

Here’s the Rules page, so you know what to expect before you join: 

Be Mindful - Respect other people's boundaries, don't do or say things that would cross the line. If your behavior makes other people feel uncomfortable or unsafe, I will remove you from the chat. In most cases I will try to resolve things with you and offer a chance to do better, but that will depend on the severity of the situation. And if you have any concerns regarding another member of the chat, you can contact me privately.

Health Boundaries - While discussions of mental health do occasionally pop up, do not rely on the chat for help. None of us are equipped to handle serious mental health concerns, and it will only cause distress for everyone. Please seek real help if it is needed! If you rely on people beyond the point that they have asked you to stop, I will remove you from the chat.

NSFW - Generally speaking, try to keep NSFW talk to a minimum. Swearing and humor is fine, but don't get too explicit please! Discussions should usually keep to a PG-13 / occasional R, but no NC-17.

Spoilers & Censorship - Please use the spoiler function to hide story spoilers, as well as discussions and graphic depictions of gore/excessive blood/body horror/severe psychological horror. Include a content warning so that people know what they could potentially be seeing when they click on the censored content. If the spoilered content is the subject of a back-and-forth discussion, please use another warning when you are switching to a different spoilered topic. (Note that these rules were added to the chat later, so be careful when using the search function or back reading.)

The canon series involved with the Wildcard AU are Psychonauts, Puzzle Agent, Monkey Island, Grim Fandango, Brutal Legend, and Sam & Max. Please be mindful of story spoilers!

Channel Organization - Also be mindful of which channel you're in and move a discussion over if need be! That way they don't get too clogged with unrelated info.

Creative Criticism - When it comes to writing, art, or character creation; try to be open to suggestions from others! Nearly all of the creative work in the chat is collaborative, so input from others is important! Creative criticism is not the same as judgement, and is not a personal attack.

Have fun! - Discussions move quickly in this chat! Don't feel bad if you ever need to step back, whether it's because of the speed or a disinterest in whatever current topic we're focusing on. If you ever want to come back, we're happy to have you and can give quick explanations if you feel out of the loop! :thumbsup:

We’re a group of approx. a half dozen to a dozen people, either posting very very quickly in a span of a few hours or barely anything for a few days. We’ve been in an activity uptick lately and there’s about a year and half of back content, too. If it’s hard to keep up on, not that interesting to read through, or you just have a hard time gelling with the group that's already there, there’s no shame in just lurking or dipping out if you need to.

We also talk a lot about Psychonauts OCs, so anticipate that.

[flannel-cladpika]

Avengers x Teen reader

The reader is a brilliant engineer, that makes (grade A+) battle armor & weapons. The Vulture and the reader works together by selling these illegal armor & weapons. (The Vulture even gives the reader profit because the reader lives alone) The reader learns at school (The R is the quiet/loner kid) about Vulture getting arrested and they soon decide to leave New York and disappear. They grab all their money and leave to Tennessee to start a new life. The ending could be the reader starting a new life

Sorry for the delay! Here it is!

Avengers x GN! Teen Reader

You weren’t always like this. 

You had a family once. Loving parents, 2 siblings that were annoying but still kind and sweet. A nice house on the outskirts of New York City. You had the perfect life.

Until the world started ending due to an psychotic AI wanting control of the world.

You’d been out getting groceries while your parents were taking your siblings into the city to pick up some take out for dinner and maybe get something from the Cheesecake Factory.

You’d gotten home earlier than them, which was to be expected.

That’s when you saw the news.

There was an invasion of robots descending on the city. You heard screams in the background of the newscaster. You hurriedly picked up your phone and called your parents. It took three rings until one of them finally answered.

“(Y/n)! Are you alright?” you heard from the other line.

“Yeah, I’m fine, but where are you guys?! Tell me you’re headed home, ple-”

“Sweetie, I’m sorry...I love you...We all love you...No, no, no! God, no! PLEASE!! N-” and with that, the line went dead.

Later, when bodies were being identified, you found out that your family wasn’t among the survivors. That was the day you lost everything.

Timeskip~ 2 years later

You’d thrown yourself into your passion of engineering and tinkering, and worked like your life depended on it. You’d managed to make a name for yourself on the dark web and black market for being a fantastic engineer of unusual illegal weapons, like gloves that could shoot focused high-intensity soundwaves, causing an opponent’s ears to be in extreme pain and bleed, even causing horrible hearing loss.

You’d managed to make enough money from work to put yourself through school and even get yourself an apartment, though it wasn’t exactly the nicest place. But hey, you just needed a place to crash, keep all your equipment, and hide your money. A shady, rundown place was perfect. 

Through your work, you’d met some people. One of those being Adrian Toomes, aka, “The Vulture”. The guy had found out about you through a client of yours, and had apparently liked your products. He’d called you up on one of your  phones (you had several cells, to as to not be tracked), and asked for your help on a project of his. You’d heard of him, and knew he was a reliable guy in the underworld, so you agreed to meet him and see what you could do. Afterall, this guy had connections, which were invaluable in this business.

Turned out, the two of you worked really well together. He didn’t look down on you because of your age or treat you like a little kid. At the same time, he gave you space to work and listened to you. After a few more collaborations, you asked to move your tools into his warehouse, as your apartment wasn’t such a good workspace. He smiled and agreed. 

Adrian, or as you liked to call him “Vultch” was good to you. He would happen to bring extra food in his meals and offer you some. He’d even gotten you a new power drill for Christmas. He knew you were an orphan, and knew you lived on your own, but never pushed for details, which you were grateful for. He was like a father-figure, or at least a caring uncle.

When you met his daughter at school, you actually didn’t know who she was at first. Their last name was the same, but you figured that was probably just a coincidence. As a quiet kid who liked books and formulas more than most people, you didn’t really pay the popular pretty girl much mind.

That was, until you both were grouped together for a partner project. She offered to drive you over to her house after school, which you quietly agreed to.

You two started talking on the way there, and you realized that Liz was actually incredibly intelligent and not at all like the stereotypical popular kid. By the time you reached the Toomes residence, you guys were making horrible math puns.

“Well, we’re here! My mom and dad should be home, but don’t let them scare you. They’re overly affectionate and embarrassing, like every other parent. Come on!”

Liz opened the front door, her mother coming down the stairs with laundry immediately greeting you both. 

“Lizzie! You’re home! And who is this sweetie?” The woman asked her daughter.

“Mom! This is (Y/n). They’re my partner for a class project.”

You slowly raised your hand for a shake. “Hello, Mrs. Toomes. It’s nice to meet you.”

She smiled and shook your hand. “Nice to meet you too, sweetie.”

Suddenly, a voice came from the kitchen. A very familiar voice...

“Honey? Is that Lizzie?” 

Your eyes widened when you saw Liz’s dad come out from the kitchen, bowl of chips in hand.

When the Vulture’s eyes landed on you, he looked like a deer in the headlights for a moment, before shaking it off.

You knew better than to say anything about what you did for a living, and knew that other people in the business had lives outside of arms deals and engineering illegal weapons. You just never thought that Adrian would be Liz’s dad.

You shook your head lightly and stuck out your hand. “Hello Mr. Toomes. I’m (Y/n). Liz and I were partnered for a school project, so I hope you don’t mind my staying here to work on it.”

Adrian lightly smiled and shook your hand firmly. “Good to meet you (Y/n). As long as you two don’t cause any explosions or fires, your welcome to come on in.”

That was the start of an odd but fun relationship with the Toomes family.

Timeskip~

God, you hated superheroes. One minute, you were working with Vultch’s team on a new upgrade to the suit, and the next, you’re hearing of his arrest and trial. You went to the trial to say goodbye to him, holding back the tears. He gave you a warning to run. You promised you would soon.

At school, you hugged Liz goodbye, heartbroken, as she was like a sister to you.

You saw your friend Peter talking to her as she left. You wondered what he said to make her look even sadder.

You packed up what few belongings you had. Adrian had asked you to blow up the warehouse, so that your fingerprints wouldn’t be found. You did as asked via remote from 1/2 mile away.

You took out all the money that you kept underneath a loose floorboard and stuffed it in a backpack, covering the cash with your clothes and personal items.

You bought a ticket for a train heading out of the city, and from there, a bus that was headed towards Florida. You planned to get off in Tennessee so that no one who follow you.

That night, as you waited for the train to come, you heard your name being called. You looked around, the station nearly devoid of other people except one guy with air-pods in and a lady on a phone call

“(Y/n)! (Y/N)! WAIT!” 

You then turned around, seeing Peter running towards you. What the Hell was he doing here?

“Peter, what ar-”

“I know.”

You froze. What?

“What do you mean? What are you talking about Pete?”

“I know you worked with Toomes on creating illegal weapons. I know that you knew who he was.”

You tried acting dumb. “What? Peter, you know me. I w-”

He stared at you with a serious expression that you’d never seen on him.

“You’re right. I do know you. I know you’re a genius with mechanical and electrical engineering. I know you live alone in an apartment that you pay for, which no highschooler could make enough to do, especially if they went to our school, which has a high tuition. You’ve also never talked about your job. I’m not an idiot (Y/n). You have 2 choices, either turn yourself in, or come with me and we can see about putting your skills towards helping others.”

You sighed as you walked towards your friend. “That’s the thing about you Peter. You’ve never been an idiot. I liked that about you. If only you had been just a little less observant.” You said as you heard the train coming

You hugged Peter, making sure you were out of sight from any cameras. He was about to return the gesture, when you stuck a needle into his arm. 

“Wai-”

You whispered, “I’m truly sorry Petey, but I don’t think either of those options is for me. This stuff will wear off in about an hour. I’ll call Ned to come pick you up. I really am sorry, Peter. Goodbye. Maybe someday, we’ll see each other again.”

With that, you slung Peter’s arm over your shoulder, making it look like you were helping a drunk friend. You placed him on a bench before calling Ned, saying Peter passed out from a fight and was at the train station.

You boarded the train with your backpack and sighed as the train slowly started  moving. You looked behind you at Peter’s slumping body on the bench and at the New York City skyline. 

Man were you going to miss this place.

Maybe one day, when it was safe again, you’d be able to come back...

THE END

A/N: Hey! If you made it this far, THANK YOU for reading! 

[publiccollectors]

From the discussion “Towards A Self Sustaining Publishing Model” hosted by Printed Matter.

Some things I have learned in over 30 years of publishing since my teenage days as a zine maker, administrating my project Public Collectors, and from working in the group Temporary Services and our publishing imprint Half Letter Press.

I have just ten minutes to speak. If only one or two things that I share are useful, that’s plenty! It took me decades to understand some of this stuff.

Use every exhibition invitation with a budget to print something. Use the whole budget to print something. Make something in a large enough print run so that you have something to give away and surplus that you can sell. Your publication can be a folded sheet of paper, a booklet, a newspaper, a poster, a book, or anything in between.

Be able to print at least something at home. Buy a cheap laser printer or inkjet printer, find a used copy machine, buy a RISO or some other duplicator, carve something into a potato or a piece of foam and print it. Being able to do at least some of the printing and production at home—even if it’s on a tiny scale—will compel you to print things that you might have convinced yourself not to send out or bring to a professional printer. Hopefully the ability to print impulsively and compulsively will result in good work. Figure out how to keep making things on every scale. Look for cheap used printing equipment on Craigslist. Team up with friends and buy equipment together that you can share. Start a printing collective in your basement.

Ideally your publication should cost 1/5th or 1/6th of the retail price to make. If you sell a $10.00 publication through a store, you are probably only going to make $6.00 or less after the store takes its cut. So ideally your $10.00 book costs $2.00 or less to make. Don’t aim to just break even. Aim to make a profit so you can keep making more publications and pay for your life. Publishing will probably never be your sole income but don’t lose money on purpose. Make things that are priced fairly and look like they justify what they cost to buy. The fact that you didn’t find a more affordable way to print something is not an excuse to sell something that feels cheap and shitty for a ridiculous sum of money. Good cheap printing is easier to find than ever before. Do your homework.

Figure out the cheapest and least wasteful ways to do everything. Ask other publishers where they get their work printed. Look for local printers so you can avoid shipping fees. Ask local printers if you can pay in cash for a discount. Ask printers if there is a cheaper way to do what you want to do by adjusting the size of your paper or the paper stock or some other small shift in form. If you print things yourself, buy the paper that is on sale. Design a publication around the paper that you found for cheap. Discount warehouses sometimes have good paper. Even dollar stores sometimes have good paper. I’ve even bought paper at flea markets. Costco sells an 800 sheet ream of 24 lb paper for $6.99. I use it all the time. It rules. I also recommend getting your jugs of organic olive oil there, but you can’t print with that.

Free printing is good printing. If you have access to free printing, use it. Free printing is like free food at art openings and conference receptions. It is one of those pleasures in life that never gets old. Come up with an idea that is based around the aesthetics of whatever free printing you have access to and make the publication that way. Eat the cheese and bread. Drink the wine. Make the copies at work.

Buy bulk shipping mailers on eBay. Find bubble wrap and other packing materials in the trash. Look out for neighbors who just bought new furniture—it’s usually wrapped in miles of packing material you can use for shipping books. Boycott terrible right wing fuckers like ULINE. Seriously, they give money to everyone horrible. Trump? Check. Ted Cruz? Check. Scott Walker? Check. ROY FUCKING MOORE? CHECK FUCKING CHECK! Tear up their catalogs and use them as packing material to protect your books. Make publications that have a consistent size so you can purchase cardboard mailers in bulk and get a discount on them. Buy packing tape in bulk. Buy everything in bulk. You can store your extra reams of paper under your bed or on top of your kitchen cabinets if necessary. Be like a wacko survivalist prepper, but for office supplies. Go to estate sales and look for the home office in the house. Buy the dead person’s extra tape and staples and rulers and scissors. I’ve been using some random dead person’s staples for years because I bought their staple hoard. Staples aren’t like meat and milk. They don’t expire.

I’m against competition. Try to avoid competing with other artists for resources. If you don’t truly need the money, don’t ask for it. Artists should have a section on their CV where they list grants they could have easily gotten but didn’t apply for because they are privileged enough that they don’t need the money as much as someone else. I almost never apply for anything but the one thing I do apply for and get every year is a part-time faculty development grant from Columbia College Chicago where I teach. It pays adjuncts up to $2,500 a year to fund their projects and seems to be completely non-competitive. My union negotiated to get us more money. I have used that grant to make over a dozen publications. The value of the publications I make and sell with each grant is about three or four times the value of the grant itself. Some years I make more from the grant than I do from the limited number of classes I teach. But I don’t depend on this grant to be a publisher and I’d still be able to make things without it.

Make things in different price ranges so everyone can afford your work, but also so that you can sustain your practice. Make a publication that costs $2.00, that costs $6.00, that costs $20.00, and make something special for the fancy ass institutional libraries that have a lot of money to spare and can buy something that costs $300.00. Likewise, make things in all different size print runs. Is there something you can print 1,000 of that you can keep selling and giving away for years, to enjoy that quantity discount that comes with offset printing a large number of publications?

Collaborate with people and pay them with publications (if they are cool with that) that they can sell on their own. Sometimes this ends up being better pay and more useful than an honorarium, and it helps justify a larger print run. But see what they need—don’t assume. Barter with other publishers and sell each other’s work and let each other keep the money. This helps with distribution. Sometimes it’s easier to sell their work than it is to sell your own. Help others expand the audience for their publications.

Fund your publishing practice by asking your friends who teach to invite you to talk to their college classes about your work. Use those guest speaker fees to print something. I sometimes tell people on social media: If three or four people will invite me to speak to their class, it could fund the entire next issue of X booklet series that you like so much. This has often worked. Also, sometimes their students end up ordering publications. Sometimes lectures about publications generate more income than the publications themselves.

Have an emailing list and write newsletters to announce new publications. Stay in touch with people who like what you do. Expect to spend a ton of time corresponding with people. Have some cheap things and cool ephemera on hand that you can send people for free when they mail order your publications. Reward people who support you directly with something nice that they didn’t expect. People like handwritten notes. It’s okay if they are very short but sign the packing slip and at least write “Thank you!”

Above all, know that publishing is a life journey and not a get rich quick scheme, or even a make very much money scheme. Enjoy the experience of meeting and working with others, trade your publications with other publishers and build up an amazing library of small press, hard to find artist books. Get vaccinated and travel and sleep on each other’s couches. Be generous with your time, knowledge, resources, and work. Tell Jeff Bezos to fuck off by never selling anything you make through Amazon. Find the bookstores that you love and work with them forever. It’s nicer to have deeper relationships with fewer bookstores than surface level interactions with dozens of shops run by people you don’t know.

Think about your publishing family. Bookstore people are your family. People that organize book fairs and zine fests are your publishing family. Other publishers are your family. People who follow your work for years on end are your family. Printers and binderies are your family. The postal workers that know you by name and that you know by name are your family. The person who doesn’t care if you make the free copies at work is your family. Over thirty years later, I’m still in contact with people I exchanged zines with through the mail when I was a teenager. In some cases I still haven’t met them in person. It’s fine! They are my family. Your students are your family—particularly once they graduate or drop out, as long as they continue making books and zines. Your family is your family, particularly if they value and support your publishing practice. And for this reason, this talk is dedicated to my late father Bruce Fischer, who let me use the company copier and postage meter when I was in high school, and to my mom who sat on the floor with me and helped me hand collate and staple my zines.

That’s what I’ve got for now. Stay in touch and with luck, and enough vaccines and masks and hand sanitizer, maybe I’ll see you at a book fair. – Marc Fischer • Thank you to Be Oakley of GenderFail for the invitation to present, to the other presenters Vivian Sming, Yuri Ogita, and Devin Troy Strother, and to the wonderful people at Printed Matter for hosting this! You should be able to find the video archived on Printed Matter’s YouTube Channel.  Presented on April 2, 2021