#'why should it matter as long as you have a sincere profession of faith' hi! can't join the church i like because i'm trans! fully agree!

[exercise-of-trust]

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[derinthescarletpescatarian]

What happened w the rationalist community, if you’re ok talking about it?

LONG REPLY TIME.

In my Wild Youth (tm) I was hardcore in the rationalist/skeptic/humanist community. You know, the New Atheist types (the vast majority of the community didn’t call themselves New Atheists, that was mostly American Dawkins fans, but we were those kinds of people, just less arrogant-PR about it). For people who don’t know, the core philosophy of this subculture basically comes down to: - humans are mostly good people, or try to be good people, and we should act in ways that are good for humanity, the environment, etc. - people with better or more accurate information about the world are capable of making better decisions - it is therefore vitally important that we view the world as accurately as possible. Truth is inherently important and valuable. We should do everything we can to make sure that our beliefs about the world are as accurate as possible. - your mind will lie to you. Cognitive biases have their social and evolutionary uses, but they result in bigotry and bad information. We should do everything we can to identify and compensate for these, and think as rationally as a human is capable of. - while it’s not perfect, science is the most effective tool we have for determining what is most likely to be true. Rationalism is therefore massively pro-science and pro-science education. (This isn’t a blind trust; most hardcore rationalists are scientists and fully aware of the limitations of the messy reality of how science is funded and published and the biases that introduces. These are taken into account. The other hardcore rationalists tend to be magicians/illusionists.)

All of this is perfectly fine and a hill I’m still perfectly willing to die on.

When you get a bunch of people together who are sincerely seeking truth and want the world to be a better place, there are some fairly obvious groups that they’re going to tangle with. Before my time, when we were just called skeptics, the main targets had been psychics and life-after-death spirit-communing con artists (this is where our magicians came from, the philosophical descendants of Houdini, one of the earliest voices in the movement, and later James Randi). But the big proponents of harm in my time were the healing crystals/essential oils/faith healing people, and the ‘Creation should be taught instead of evolution’ creationists. We spent a lot of time trying to stop people from selling oils that they said could cure cancer, and fighting against science education being replaced with religious belief inserted in science classes. (I spent a lot of my teenage years debating creationists on the internet. I can summarise this experience as a frustrating waste of time on both sides of the debate. Neither side was going to accomplish anything in these discussions.)

This is all perfectly fine. I won’t pretend I’m completely happy with everyone’s actions; it’s the internet, so of course there were subgroups doing things like mass trolling conservative religion forums and stuff, which had no purpose except to piss off people we happened not to like, but you get that. The problem with this is that it’s easy. People can believe what they want, but if you’re coming into a rational debate, every pro-Creation, anti-evolution argument is complete and utter bullshit, mostly demonstrating nothing beyond the fact that the creationist debater a) doesn’t understand the most fundamental things about biology or b) does understand and is willingly misleading the audience. Every pro healing crystal, pro astrology or pro telepathy argument is fatuous nonsense. Twelve-year-olds could walk into these discussions and completely shred every argument put forth by big-name “creation scientists” in minutes -- I know, I watched it happen regularly. I was on our conservative creationist Christian-owned community TV station for awhile doing a little ‘creation vs evolution!’ debate against the wealthy station owner’s son to fill air time, and I’d see him do a couple of hours of research for anti-evolution arguments every time we filmed, and it always pissed him off that I’d shred anything he said immediately, having done no research whatsoever, because even to me, a child, the giant drive-a-bus-through-this holes in his arguments were obvious. (Also, they were old hash; I’d read all the books by his idols before and checked the reasoning myself long before.)

Fresh voices in the community came from two main sources -- people who’d been pro-people and pro-reason/science for years finding others like them, and ex-creationists and magic healer victims who’d eventually found the holes in what they’d been taught. This second group, for obvious reasons, tended to be the most passionately pro-reason and pro-science people, and discussing different experiences in a place where people could feel safe being critical and actively celebrate doubt was great. But, inevitably, we got lazy.

A lot of the ‘laziness’ was perfectly reasonable and practical. Time and attention is always limited, and when you’ve dealt with six claims of “the eye is too complex to have evolved!” and explained the flaws in the irreducible complexity argument four times that fortnight, when someone walks in with “blood groups couldn’t possibly have evolved, therefore the earth must be 6,000 years old”, you just don’t fucking bother, and you shouldn’t fucking bother, there’s no value in that discussion.

That’s not the kind of laziness I’m talking about. I’m talking about the part where we got so used to ‘that sounds so fucking stupid’ leading directly being able to tear an argument to pieces,that it became normal to assume that anything that sounds stupid on the surface MUST be obviously wrong. Where ‘this is weird, let’s examine it and check for flaws’ became ‘that person disagrees with my preconceived notions, let’s double down and explain why they’re wrong, because I’m already assuming that they’re wrong’. At some point, “we want to be as rational and accurate as we can be, we call ourselves rationalist and work towards that” became “we’re rationalists, so we’re more accurate and rational than average and probably right”.

You might recognise that as in fact being *the exact opposite of the proported philosophy*. There were always some overenthusiastic idiots in any group, but watching it slowly become normal for rationalising to replace active rationalism and for the names of cognitive biases to be thrown around as gotcha buzzwords rather than things people were seriously considering in their own arguments was... concerning. (There were a lot of very smart people in the community, which unfortunately made it far more vulnerable to this particular kind of thing. Smarter people are better at fooling themselves; a person good at reason is also good at rationalising, and you can’t tell the difference between these things when you’re the one doing them.)

In practical terms, this doesn’t matter that much when you’re playing in the easy leagues of explaining to someone that the overpriced eucalyptus oil they bought from an MLM won’t protect them against chicken pox. The person who’s gotten lazy is shit at being a rationalist, but your reasoning skills don’t actually need to be all that impressive for this. You know what they do need to be impressive for? For when somebody says, “women are taken less seriously than men in science and biased against in hiring, payment and promotion”, and this hypothetical you, a male scientist who’s never noticed this and already knows that his profession is full of smart and reasonable people who wouldn’t do something stupid like that, thinks “that is fucking stupid” and automatically, without thinking about it, puts their energy into shouting down and dismissing alternate evidence. Or when somebody points out islamophobia in the community, or passive racism, or... you get the picture. Social issues can (and should) be examined and interrogated using rational philosophies, but it’s so much harder to do that than laugh at creationists who are sending you abusive messages about going to hell. And given the particular hot-button issues in the community, most of the people there were interested in biology, chemistry or physics and simply had no idea how to *do* social sciences, treating the parts that were familiar from their own specialities as valid and the rest as irrational nonsense. And now, you have prominent rationalists panicking about Sharia law, sneering at the made-up problems of feminism, and generally making fools of themselves... because they got lazy.

Because, like how it’s hard to be a liberal (American definition) but easy to be a conservative in a gay hat, it’s hard to be a rationalist, but easy to be an arsehole with a big vocabulary. And that’s why I can’t gush about how great Richard Dawkins’ early science books are without somebody bringing up his bullshit twitter opinions.

[jade4813]

Like Moths to a Flame, Chapter 1

Fandom: North and South

Title: Like Moths to a Flame

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: John/Margaret

Synopsis: “I hope you realize that any foolish passion for you on my part is entirely over." Margaret decides to confront John about his unjust judgment of her character, but the two have always been drawn to each other, and things quickly get out of hand. In the aftermath, she agrees to marry him to satisfy propriety, but she cannot forget how ready he was to believe the worst of her. Can love survive without trust, or will the two find a way to work through the misunderstandings that have plagued their relationship from the start?

Author’s Notes: I am new to the North and South fandom and am regrettably neither a historian, nor an expert on the etiquette or language of the time. I hope you will forgive any inaccuracies in these areas, as this is my first fanfic set outside of the modern era.

“I hope you realize that any foolish passion for you on my part is entirely over. I’m looking to the future.”

John Thornton truly was the most infuriating man. Margaret had stood there in mortification, in mute, ineffectual apology during his condemnation of her character, and she had felt something inside her wither and die at the coldness in his eyes. Unable to offer him explanation, she had withstood his rebuke and had keenly felt his absence and rejection after he’d walked away.

She had borne much since her life had been uprooted from her bright, happy home in Helstone to the dark, dirty, smoky world of Milton. She could bear this too, she told herself as his footsteps thundered down the stairs and out the door, not even an hour after his harsh censure.

But then, as darkness blanketed the world outside and the sounds of the mills that supported the town stilled for the night, Margaret found herself unable to stop thinking of his eyes, how they had burned bright with passion even through the wintry chill of his words.

How dare he speak to her that way? How dare he lay his accusations at her feet and then storm away with all the hauteur and wounded dignity of a hundred “proper” gentlemen? Without offering a chance to acquit herself or…well, perhaps he had given her such a chance, but she had explained why she was not at liberty to take it. He had proven himself faithless, abandoning her the instant her character was called into question. He, who had once professed that he loved her.

She had known it was duty and honor – and not sentiment – that had once compelled him to ask for her hand.

Filled with impotent frustration and mute ire, Margaret sought out the privacy of her bedroom and leaned against the door, sucking in a few long breaths. Were she a man, she could have expressed her riotous feelings more appropriately – or, in the eyes of society, more inappropriately, as the case might be. Were she Mr Thornton, she could have pounded her fists against some inanimate object (even in her rage, Margaret could not imagine physically striking a person , although the subject of her current thoughts certainly tested that resolve) until her energy was spent and her wounded feelings sated. But she was not a man of any sort – definitely not of his sort – and so she was forced to accept life’s challenges with grace, outwardly maintaining a placid equanimity that was in direct opposition to the war waging in her heart.

But no more. Mr Thornton – John – would answer for his faithlessness, for his unjust recriminations of her character. Fueled by indignation and driven forth by rage, Margaret did not stop to think about the wisdom of her actions as she crept out of her bedroom and slunk along the landing. At the top of the stairs, she paused and strained her hearing, listening for signs of her parents and of Dixon. All would be lost if she were caught on this desperate, foolish errand – her reputation not least of all.

A wiser, calmer woman might have been deterred by the thought, but Margaret’s wisdom and poise had been swept away by the tide of her ire. Mr Thornton would not come to her, he had made that perfectly clear. So she would go to him. And theirs was not a conversation that should be had in the harsh light of day, with listening ears all around, searching for any spark that might be coaxed into a salacious scandal.

Ignoring that last whisper of better judgment in the back of her mind, warning against her current course of action, Margaret crept down the stairs, retrieved her coat and a scarf to disguise her appearance, and slunk through the front door, softly closing it behind her. A quick glance around the city streets revealed no witnesses to her reckless flight. Even a city like Milton slept sometimes.

She tiptoed down the front steps to the street and then continued her careful progression forward until she was certain her nocturnal perambulation would not be overheard by the occupants of her home. Then, with steady, determined steps, she turned toward the mill.

The Master of Marlborough Mills would discover that he was not the only one with a temper this night. She swore he would pay for the injury he had inflicted upon her character, her pride…and, though she was not yet ready to acknowledge as much, even to herself, to her heart.

It never even occurred to her that he might not be at the mill. John Thornton was – according to all the Milton gossips, at least, of which there were many – always at the mill. Still, her heart lurched and she inwardly when she crept through the front gate and saw the light flickering through his office window. How much better it would have been if she had found his window darked, the mill deserted! She could have slunk back to the safety of hearth and home, tail tucked between her legs, to once more firmly replace the shroud of respectability around her shoulders.

With her quarry located, she had no excuse, and so she straightened her spine (not that she had ever truly slumped – both breeding and corset prevented such an uncouth action), set her chin at a belligerent angle, and made her way toward the office in question.

How different the mill was at night! How quiet! The occasional tuft of cotton fluff, soft as a feather and white as snow, drifted through the air, swept aloft by random breeze and her own passing movement. But the machines lay silent and dormant, crouching monstrosities in the darkness that waited for the light of day to spring to life once more.

If she hesitated for so much as a moment, she knew she would lose her nerve, and so she did not allow herself that luxury as she charged towards his office. She did not even pause to knock on the door, let alone to wonder if he might not be inside. Instead, she flung open the door with all the anger and much more confidence than she felt and stepped into the room, placing her hands defiantly upon her hips as she faced off against he who had sent many a full-grown man quavering in their boots.

“Mr Thornton! You truly are the most aggravating man!” she declared.

A fraction of her tattered confidence fled when he looked up at her with those blue eyes that alternated in her memory and imagination between freezing colder than the Northern winter and burning hotter than any flame. At the sight of her, he stilled, then rose to his feet to tower over her with every inch of his impressive height.

Had he somehow grown in the intervening hours since their last meeting? She didn’t remember him being quite so tall. Or imposing. Or…oh, my, but she could see why he sent so many men fleeing before his wrath. There truly was something quite daunting about him.

Fury was etched into every line of his face, but she could hear his struggle to keep his voice low and controlled when he demanded, “Miss Hale. What are you doing here? It is improper for you to be out at this hour.”

“What does that matter?” she shot back with a little toss of her head. “We both know what you have decided about my character. What more could I stand to lose?”

“A great deal,” he growled through gritted teeth. “Now return home before you are seen and it—”

“Not until I tell you that you are the most infuriating man!”

For just a moment, the edges of his mouth quirked up, and she could swear he was fighting a smile. Then his features smoothed and he looked at her with that mixture of anger and condemnation once more. “Which you have now done. Is there anything else, or will you finally attend to the damage to your reputation that—”

“I’m not done!” she snapped, cutting him off, though she wasn’t entirely sure what else she wanted to say. As she struggled to find the words, he moved around his desk to stand before her. Tall, dark, imposing, and utterly tempting man that he was. Swallowing heavily, she strove to hide her body’s reaction to his proximity as she continued, “You have judged me – dismissed me – for one single incident, without even attempting to understand!” At this, she faltered as her innate honesty compelled her to admit, “True, I cannot explain the circumstances to you without betraying another’s secrets. But it is not what you think, and you are determined to think the worst of me!”

When he opened his mouth to answer this accusation, she wished she could step away from the verbal injury she was sure he was about to inflict, but she forced herself to stand firm. “Your behavior this evening has certainly proven my assumption wrong,” he replied in a wry voice that hurt worse than his earlier anger.

The ire that had propelled her across town was ebbing away in the face of abject defeat of her purpose, and Margaret heard the resignation in her voice as she replied, “I would not be here if you – your faith in me fled at the first test of its sincerity. You, who once claimed to love me.”

If possible, he only straightened more in the face of this charge. Somehow grew even larger and more imposing. With all the biting anger of his earlier proclamation, which had brought her to his door, he snarled, “My feelings for you were real. I would think, as offensive as you once found my attentions, you would find our current change of circumstances to be a relief.”

His words brought back a fraction of her earlier fire, and she tilted her head back in an attempt to look down her nose at him (which was very far back, indeed, and she feared would have led to her falling over if she hadn’t reconciled herself to looking down her nose at the top button of his shirt instead – which is how she came to process that he was not wearing a cravat, which sent her into an emotional tailspin from which she might never recover). In as haughty of a voice as she could muster, she declared, “I…I dislike you!” At that rather less-than-impressive announcement, she saw the corners of his lips soften and twitch again, and this time there was no denying it. He definitely smiled. Not that she could blame him. She wanted to come at him like a Fury, but her lifelong lessons on good breeding, deportment, and civility constrained her tongue to speak in such tepid terms. Girding her metaphorical loins, she attempted to straighten her already ramrod-straight spine and tried again. “Immensely.”

He was still amused, damn him , and all of her earlier resolutions about not striking another person went out the window. Over the course of their conversation, he had shifted closer to her, until he was only an arm’s length away. Breaching the remaining distance, she lifted her fists in the air and struck him with the long plane of her forearm and the fleshy part of her hand.

She might as well have struck him with a tuft of cotton, for all that her blow moved him. She tried again. “I-I hate you!” she growled, striving for more vehemence but failing miserably in the face of her lie.

She didn’t hate him. Or perhaps she did. Her heart yearned for him and fled from him in equal measure, until she didn’t know what she wanted anymore. Other than for him to look at her the way he once had, before Frederick’s visit and their awful misunderstanding.

Her voice fell to a whisper as she tried again. “I hate you.” But this time, her arms didn’t lift to pound feather-light punches against his chest – already an unspeakable breach of proper etiquette. Instead, her hands softened, unclenching, palms turning toward his body to slide up, along the fabric of his coat, fingers finally finding purchase along the strong line of his shoulders, where they dug in and refused to let go. “I do,” she offered finally in a shaky, uncertain whisper.

His eyes hadn’t left her from the moment that she entered the room. They didn’t leave her now. He watched her like a hawk assessing its prey, silently cataloguing the slightest movement, searching for a sign of weakness. His chin ducked a fraction lower, and her head fell back until her lips were inches from his own.

“I believe you,” he finally murmured in that heavy burr that haunted her dreams. He leaned in. Hesitated. Leaned in again. And then his mouth was on hers, swallowing her gasp of surprise as his arm slid around to her waist, pulling her flush against him.

Whatever he assumed of her following the interlude at the train station - and he had made his opinion on that subject quite clear - Margaret had truly never kissed a man before, and she trembled at the warmth of his lips against hers. For a man as hard as Thornton was both rumored and appeared to be, his kiss was surprisingly tender. The first brush of his lips was so soft, she almost might have thought she imagined it if not for the caress of his breath against her skin.

He hesitated after that first, mutual breach of both propriety and reason. As though he were waiting, though for what, she couldn’t be sure. His eyes asked her questions she couldn’t interpret, let alone answer, as he lifted one hand to rest against the side of her neck, stretching one thumb to brush along the curve of her cheek.

Margaret did not know what he silently asked of her and barely understood the yearnings within her own heart, but she knew she did not want to be released from his embrace. She could not bear it if he drew away from her now, abandoning her to the chill of his rejection, colder than any Milton winter. Though she tried to be brave, she felt the slight tremble in her fingertips as she lifted her hand to rest upon his, closing her eyes as she leaned in to his touch. With her eyes still closed, she turned her head to press a soft kiss against his palm.

She did not see his response, but she heard his sharp intake of breath, and then his mouth was on hers again. Her senses reeled as he kissed first her top lip, then her lower one, as though he wished to memorize the curve of her mouth. When she felt his lips part, she instinctively mirrored the action and startled when she felt the brush of his tongue along the fullness of her lower lip.

Her slight movement seemed to bring him back to himself, and he broke off this kiss, though he pressed his forehead against hers as though either incapable or unwilling to fully sever their physical contact. For her part, Margaret didn’t know what to do next. None of her lessons in deportment had addressed the proper etiquette for addressing a man after being kissed senseless. In a shaky voice, she asked, “If you believe me, why do you kiss me like this?”

“If you hate me, why do you kiss me back?” he returned, and she didn’t have an answer for him.

“I don’t know,” she admitted honestly. She felt a flush heat her cheeks, though her embarrassment stemmed less from regret over her improper behavior than from the acknowledgment that she had just bestowed her first kiss upon John Thornton , of all people, and, well...she wanted to kiss him again.

A lifetime of teachings had instilled in her the belief that such a desire made her the worst sort of lightskirt, but wrapped in his arms, with the world around them quiet and still, it seemed as though the entire interlude was but a dream. None of it was real; when the morning sun spilled over the horizon, this would all fade away. And perhaps it was as foolish as it was reckless, but she did not want this moment to end so soon.

Clutching onto her courage, she tilted her chin forward until her mouth brushed against his once more, her efforts feeling infinitely less skillful than his had been. There was much about John - about Mr Thornton , she corrected herself severely - that she did not like, but she did quite like his kiss.

In her virginal innocence, she was shy and even ignorant when it came to the physical act of making love, but she had enough presence of mind to know that her efforts were awkward and fumbling in comparison to his, and she blushed at the thought that he might not be as moved by this act of physical intimacy as she. Her fears were put somewhat to rest, however, when the eyes that had haunted her dreams from their first meeting fluttered closed, and she heard him moan her name as his mouth traveled along the curve of her jaw.

It was a curious thing, that she could feel his moan through the fabric of their clothes and the heavy armor of her corset. She had never stood so close to a man before - or anyone else, for that matter. Her body was pressed against his, and she found she rather liked the sound of her name on his lips and the way it rumbled through his chest. Curious to know if his name would feel so good spilling from her own mouth, she rested her cheek against his and indulged herself in this further intimacy. “John.”

Though her voice had been barely a whisper, she had no doubt that he had heard her, as he wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her off her feet. Margaret let out a tiny squeak of surprise, but she did not struggle as he spun her around, maneuvering her backwards towards his desk. When she felt the hard plane of wood press against the back of her thighs, she perched on its edge, relying on its strength to support her when her knees were tempted to weaken under the renewed ministrations of his lips.

Her skirts bunched between them as he stepped between her legs, and she shuddered when his hand fell to her thigh. Curling her fingers into his coat, she tried to pull him ever closer, her mouth falling to that soft patch of his neck that had been exposed by his lack of cravat. Even through the heavy fabric of her voluminous skirts, she swore she could feel the heat of his touch as his palm slid down her thigh to her knee, and then lower still.

His fingers wrapped around her ankle and then slid back up again, past the line of her stockings to rest upon the bare skin of her outer thigh. She broke off the kiss at the shock of his touch, pulling away just far enough to meet his eyes. In the dim candlelight, they blazed with their own fire, though this time it was not rage that sparked in their depths but something else.

“Margaret, you should not be here,” he growled, attempting one last time to save them both from their heedless impropriety. Though even as he did, he did not pull his hand away. Still, his voice was grave and slightly pleading when he asked, “Tell me to stop. Tell me to return you safely home.”

She could not pretend to misunderstand; nor could she feign ignorance of the dangers of their current situation. Though it would undoubtedly be wiser to do as he bid, in her heart, she knew where such capitulation would lead. He would not only return her to her home, but to the harshness of his judgment and the chill of his absence.

Of course, to do otherwise might only confirm his worst suspicions about her, but in that moment, with the memory of his kiss against her lips and the warmth of his hand upon her thigh, Margaret could not summon the will to worry about such an eventuality. So, rather than comply with his request (or, perhaps more accurately, his order , since John Thornton could rarely be accused of requesting anything), she lifted her chin and made her own demand. 

“Ask me to stay, John.”

[theasteriae-arc]

THE INTERVIEW. 

( or, when sebastian met katherine. the discord thread between @epiitaphs & myself, feat. our muses squabbling over @diabolicaltendencies’ jim ) 

WHITEHALL, c. 2009. 

Her heels make an impressive racket on the tiles, the sound of her footsteps echoing in the corridor like there’s an army of interrogators on their way to sink their teeth into him. Sebastian Moran. The slick haired, sharp tongued politician she had never liked—not even before she’d found out Jim was screwing him. It was just a shame that the thick carpet in his secretary’s office—in his office—muffled the quick ratatat of those stilettos. Her war cry. “No. Excuse me, madam, you can’t- Have you got an appointment? You can’t go in there without an appointment.” Kate ignored her and opened the door to Sebastian’s office. “My name is Katherine Conway,” she said crisply to the man behind the desk. “You’ll want to see me.” And without waiting to be invited, she took a seat across from him, putting her handbag down, and folding her hands expectantly in her lap.

Sebastian is, as always, busy. Everything's manageable at the moment - neither the country nor the party are falling into the abyss, but that doesn’t mean that he's got time to rest. There’s people and policy to keep up to date on, and he can't afford to ever fall behind. Which is why he makes sure to keep a couple steps ahead of where everyone’s supposed to be. It's what got him through school and through the first years of his job. It's also what keeps him at the office late, though that's decreased over time now that Jim's around. Much more appealing to be able to come home to someone and not just the cats. There was a commotion outside, Sebastian looking up from his work just as the door opened. “An interesting opening statement, Katherine Conway,” he replied. The name seemed familiar but not enough to be someone he kept active tabs on. “Will I?” It seemed very much like he would, given that she had clearly decided to make herself home. A nod at the secretary in the doorway and the door was shut. “In that case, I suppose I'd like to know just what it is that you think is so important to require an urgent, unscheduled meeting. My time is valuable and I have later meetings, so brief is best.”

“Cancel them. I’m here to talk about James, and knowing him, that could well take all night.” 

And wouldn’t he just love that? There was a bitter twist to her lips as she continued, “He called me last weekend, told me about the two of you. How serious would you say it was?” He had a pot of pens on his desk, sleek and black with shiny gold hooks so that he could slip one into his pocket without fear of it falling out. She reached forward to take one, testing its weight in her hand, twirling it in between her fingers. “Serious enough for him to call, I suppose. But not serious enough for him to have told you everything, am I right? Didn’t want you to run a background check on him?” Her free hand disappeared into her pocket and came out with a card. Katherine Conway, Named Partner at Conway O’Kelly, an all-female chambers in Dublin. There had been a glint of recognition in his eyes when he’d repeated her name back to her and she was sure this was why; he knew of her work, not her history with his boyfriend. She’d enjoy telling him then. “Well, let me clear up some of the confusion. I used to be his girlfriend. And he wants to introduce you to the daughter we share. So, I wanted to meet you first, to make sure I was happy with that. Politicians, you know, they’re not the most trustworthy people.”

“James, you say? That sounds rather serious.” He made no move to cancel the meetings. He was fairly certain the first one could go on without him, though he’d miss out. But they'd cross that bridge if they came to it. If this was about Jim, he'd rather hear what she had to say, but he didn't intend to be pushed into any particular action. Jim had called her? What could he possibly be up to? “Quite serious, I’d say. I assume you read the news.” If she wanted details, she could refer to that. He watched as she took a pen, wondering just what her intentions where, what her connections to Jim might be. Sebastian didn't indicate an answer one way or another to the first question. “He’s told me more than enough and I have respected his privacy when asked to do so.” Jim’s privacy. Not that of others, but that wasn't something he was going to admit to. Not when she'd given him one small fact - that Jim had called. Fact 2: Sebastian hadn't known. Fact 3: Sebastian didn't know everything. 

She pulled out her card - as if that would give him much more information. It’d give him information that he could find, which was exactly what this meeting was not about. This meeting was about gaps in knowledge and Sebastian hated being on the wrong side of that. She was more than simply her job and title - if she knew Jim, that is. “Thank you for the clarification. It's much appreciated.” The thin smile on his face suggested otherwise. That she was the mother was a surprise, but she didn't have to know that. “I’d be happy to meet his child, should I pass inspection.” That information hadn't been as much from Jim. “Some might say the same for your profession. I’d know - did you look into me at all?” He really hoped so, or he'd be sincerely disappointed. She'd shown initiative so far and it'd be unfortunate if that ended up being a false lead. Time for a little bit more of a gamble. “He did mention you, by the way. As a detail. Youthful mistakes, you know.”

Nothing about her expression, her demeanour, changed. She didn’t miss a breath or move a muscle. Not quite relaxed, because from her posture it was clear that she meant business, but authoritative. Refusing to be riled. Did you look into me at all? Ha. She wanted to scoff—the Dubliner in her who’d grown up in the wrong part of the city wanted to spit—but she didn’t. Instead, she smiled. “Of course. Sebastian Moran, graduated top of his class from Magdalen College, Oxford. Fast tracked into politics, no doubt helped by his Daddy, who’s the Labour Whip in the House of Lords. Sebastian Moran who dislocated his shoulder climbing up the drainpipe of his family home during a scrap with a sibling.” The information about Oxford and his father, she could have got from anywhere. The more personal details, though, they’re not such common knowledge. She could feel his eyes scanning her face, trying to determine her source. “Your sister told me. Moira. Well, obviously. Alex doesn’t talk, does she?” Kate’s smile grew wider, more pointed. “Still managing to cause a lot of trouble up in Manchester though, I hear. Moira and I work the same cases occasionally—opposite sides, of course, but it’s always good to have a glass of wine and catch up. I’d heard rumours about you and James and she all but confirmed them, but he’s never been one for commitment, so.” The comment about her being a mistake more than stung, but she couldn’t let herself lose her cool just yet. She brushed the hair out of her eyes and looked at his steadfastly across the wide expanse of his desk. “You’ll understand if I don’t want my family being dragged into the centre of a political scandal just for the sake of some fling?”

She didn't react, which told him only so much. Either it could be that neither of his hits had landed or that some of them had - and he wasn’t going to be able to tell which ones until she’d started on the offensive again. He didn't like her, but he had to admit she had at least done her research. Plenty of it, it seemed, given the much more personal anecdote tacked on the end. “A good summary of my CV. I’d keep the assumptions to a minimum, if I were you, though. I have an entirely different constituency from him - no handover there. Speaks just a little bit to his position on merit, wouldn't you say?” It was a blow that set him off each time he heard it, but Sebastian wasn't going to reveal weakness. “It's hardly surprising that it'd be easy to find inspiration in his work.”

An eyebrow raised as he stared, wondering just who she might have had access to - ah. Moira. Of course. No family loyalty - he should have known. They'd have to talk about that next time he saw her. In all, the story wasn't too damning, as long as no one looked too closely at how old he'd been at the time. The fact that Moira somehow approved of Conway was both a red flag and a promise that this would be interesting, no matter the way it turned out. “Oh, no, Alex simply has better judgement of who she speaks to.” The jab at Alex was another blow that landed. Conway really had done her research. A smile. “You know, given how close she and Jim are?” Just how far he’d gone since leaving Kate. He wouldn’t give her information that she didn't deserve - that Jim had been committed for far longer than the press knew. “I think he can be, with the right person. Maybe you didn't have enough faith.” The personal angle seemed a far richer vein for now. “I understand perfectly, though really it's up to you - when have I ever been implicated in a scandal, after all? It’d be awful to lose the reputation you've made, wouldn’t it? And I'm sure the scrutiny on the rest of your family would be uncomfortable as well.” It wasn't an outright threat. “All the same, I do understand the value placed on family - did Moira neglect to tell you about the times I've looked after her children?”

“I have plenty of faith, thank you. Actually, I found it was his that was lacking.” Tucked beneath the sharp collar of the severe white shirt ( court clothes; really, she should be at the hotel, prepping her closing statement for tomorrow ) was the battered gold crucifix her parents had given her for her First Communion. Her fingers tighten around one another in her lap so they don’t fly up to fiddle with it. No clues. “And reminding me about his lifestyle choices—" As if that was necessary. “—Won’t help you make your case, Mr. Moran.” Once upon a time, it had been James’s lack of conventionality that she had loved, the fact that he wore leather and make up and made her mother spit with fury whenever she saw them together. When had that changed? When she’d found out she was pregnant and the father of her child had fucked off to England, leaving her unmarried and in trouble and— 

Kate took a deep breath to calm herself, recentre her thoughts, and continued. “I’m sure you’re a fine babysitter,” she said stiffly. “But this is different. And the fact that you can sit there and threaten my family tells me everything I need to know. Unless you have anything else to add, this interview is over.” She pocketed his pen and bent down to retrieve her bag, getting back on her feet before she said, “You can give James my answer, and that is if he ever brings up introducing her to you—or attempts to do it behind my back—I shan’t let him anywhere near her again. We can take it to the courts if we have to; we all know who’s going to win.”

“A strong judgment, I'd say.” Perhaps not entirely unfair, depending on what sort of faith they were discussing, but still. “No, I suppose it wouldn’t. But one of my sisters is willing to avoid gossip about the family, and it’s not the one you’re friends with.” He’d really have to talk to Moira about tattling like that. It was annoying, more than anything, but all the same. She took a breath and - clearly, he’d set her off with one his remarks - this wasn't really how he'd wanted this to go. “I don't see how it's different. In fact, I'd say it's even more low risk than babysitting, given that all Jim has asked of you is an introduction.” He considered asking for his pen back. With her standing, ready to go, he’d have to take this seriously - more seriously than before. He might have told her not to be so sure about the outcome, but that would drive the wedge further between them. For Jim’s sake, he shouldn’t. 

“I know the statistics of custody awards, Miss Conway. There is no need to threaten.” Really, there was no need to resort to outright threats. “You do realize a court case would bring exactly the sort of eyes you’d like to avoid?" He stood as well, finally. “I appreciate how much you're willing to do to protect your family and I won't tell you how to do so, but I do think it incredibly unfair of you to not tell him your decision yourself. Not because I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but because he - maturely - asked you for permission to do the barest minimum of actions and you're making assumptions based on a five minute interview that you began with no pretensions of civility.” She’d come in on the offensive and he’d replied in kind. "You don't have to like me - I hardly expect you would, but that doesn't seem like just grounds to punish Jim. Or your daughter, really, who I believe is old enough to ask questions. If I find that you've ever actually prevented him from seeing her because of me, then I really will take issue." Maybe a bit of a threat.

“Mrs.” She paused with her bag over her arm, glowering down at him until her got his feet, and then, even in heels, she was forced to look up. “I don't know what kind of woman you think I am, sir, but I'm not a single one, that's for sure. I've been married eleven years next month.” For their anniversary the year before, she and Richard had hoped to go to Italy. Perhaps this year, if they could find someone to mind the children for a long weekend, they'd actually make it to the art galleries in Florence, the catacombs under Rome. Maybe if Jim could take them ... There was no one else she trusted, but could she even trust him anymore? “You said you were short on time and I believe in getting straight to the point, so please forgive me if I didn't pause to make small talk; we're busy people and there's not a whole lot to say. I don't like to be threatened and that’s twice in five minutes you've threatened me and my family. I don't like you, and your attitude certainly isn't helping. How long have you and James been together?”

“Mrs. Conway, then.” They were past pretending to polite, but he might as well be correct. "Yes, that is what the records say, isn't it." Seb hadn't looked into Jim, but he had done some digging. Just to see what he could find. He'd looked less at her, still trying to keep from directly disobeying Jim's wishes, but the brother had been an opportunity. “I did, didn't I. It's still true, but at the same time you did say it could take a while. You seemed less bothered by time limits at the beginning of this.” Which meant most likely that he'd offended her. Which he'd been trying to do, to be fair. “Neither of those were direct threats, Mrs. Conway, but neither of us have time to argue semantics. You rudely marched in here, implied that I was courting scandal and have since mentioned cutting Jim off from his daughter as well as the possibility to take all of this to court. You're hardly innocent.” 

Here was the choice. They were at the rumor stage of the plan. Technically they'd been more or less together for a year by now, but no one else knew that. “You said you read the news - if they're to be believed, then I think you have your answer - that it all came together after his track.” A breadcrumb. “Moira would perhaps tell you that over a year ago, I was in charge of driving him to and from one of our family's gatherings.” And another breadcrumb dropped. If she wanted to pick them up, follow the trail, she could. Everything he'd said was true in its own way. The interpretation was up to her.

One of Kate's eyebrows went up. “If all I was interested in was second-hand gossip and the suppositions of the press,” she said coolly. “Do you think I'd be here? No. So, it doesn't take an Oxford-educated intellect to infer that what I would like to hear is the truth, straight from the horse's mouth, as it were. An alien concept to you maybe, but I’ll wait if I have to.” And so saying, she slipped out of her coat and sat back down, making a show of settling in for a long stalemate. “How did a politician and a musician who has publicly lambasted him on more than one occasion become a serious item?” Her tone was cold, but she was genuinely curious. Not so much in the how, though, more the, why this man, James? What the hell does someone like you see in him?

That had gotten her back, at least. Sebastian sat as well. “I haven’t lied to you, Mrs Conway,” he replied. He had perhaps misrepresented the truth, omitted, assumed, but he hadn't outright lied just yet. And sure, he'd threatened too, but only vaguely. “And did you ask Jim for the truth?” That was - though perhaps a bit of an attack - mostly just curiosity. “Or is he next? Making sure we can't coordinate our stories?” That was an unfair accusation, but he saw no reason to play fair with her. He shrugged, seemingly relaxed. “Maybe it's the public lambasting that makes it fun,” he replied, trying to think of just what he could or should tell her. She didn't deserve the details of their relationship - certainly no more than the general public did. “As much as it may shock you, we get along well. I think we represent a bit of a challenge to each other, and that's what keeps things interesting.”

TO BE CONTINUED ... 

[islamicrays]

Salam , recently divorced , he left me for no reason , Allah is my witness that I never failed to please him , I’m still getting over him , but I ended up back at my mums, dealing with a non- practicing family on a daily basis , music , swearing etc, can’t even find a place to pray in without being interfered , sleeping on a couch, no space for me , emotionally abusive mother , blaming me for what happened to me , making me depressed even more , Patience , Alhamdulilah .

Walaikum Assalaam,

I understand you are going through a tough time and its even more difficult when you don't have a supportive family but remember Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is with you and He won't burden you with something that you can't handle. With every hardship; their is ease. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala test those whom He loves. If possible go for counselling if you can't then I am posting here an article how to heal after divorce and some quotes that will help you in shaa Allah

"Divorce…

The daunting and awkward topic that no one seems to want to discuss in public because of the stigma attached to it. Yes, divorces can be messy due to a number of factors; and when children are involved, it’s twice as complicated. You feel a whole array of mixed emotions that are difficult to internalize or accept. To be honest, this is perfectly normal because the reality is, the person you were so certain you would spend the rest of your life with, is no longer your life partner. A number of thoughts bombard you at once; how will I manage as a single parent, will I ever forgive my former spouse, how will society view me? How will I heal my broken heart?

The hardship of divorce

People often don’t realise how agonizing a divorce can be. On the surface, it may seem like two people are being unreasonable or irresponsible, but the truth is, most people do not realise the transgressions that have taken place behind closed doors which have caused a couple to decide to divorce. The reasons can be so vast; it could be an abusive partner, whether that is physical, mental, verbal or emotional abuse. At this point, I should mention that it’s important to realise the severity of any form of abuse. It could lead to psychological damage being embedded in an individual which in turn makes positive change difficult.

It could be that your partner is cheating on you, or that your spouse has left Islam, or just the simple fact that you both do not get along anymore. Whatever the reason behind the divorce, never forget thatAllah subhanahu wa ta'ala never leaves you and it is He who will bring you ease after hardship. 

I personally find that in all situations that we perceive as a calamity, there is always wisdom behind it. Throughout this difficult period, it is absolutely vital for you to always be conscious of the fact that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tests those whom He loves, and that you should never lose hope in His Mercy.

Divorcing can be painful but it is one of many tests we may face in this life. During my experience, I have learnt a few things that I want to share with you to overcome this trial.

1. Hold on to your salah

Salah is the primary step to healing one’s self. I am a mother so I completely sympathise with mothers who are unable to pray their salah on time, but during this time of difficulty, you need your sujood! During a divorce, not only do you become consumed by all of your responsibilities, especially when there are children, but your emotions can paralyse you.

This is the time to reconnect with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in solitude and to release stress by speaking to Allah and asking Him for help. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala commands us:

“O you who believe seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with those who are patient.” [Qur’an: Chapter 2, Verse 153]

2. Look for happiness in the mundane

During a divorce, it is very easy to let all the negatives be at the forefront of your mind rather than all of the blessings that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has given you. This is a dangerous mentality to have that can depress you. So whenever the hardships in life consume you, remember this ayah that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala revealed to the people of Musa (may Allah be pleased with him) when they were being persecuted:

“If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor].” [Qur’an: Chapter 4, Verse 7]

Take a moment to reflect on what you have to be thankful for. This could be a supportive family, children who smile, or even something as basic as having a hot coffee in the morning, or the fact that you get to wake up in the mornings and have functioning limbs…

We forget that even the simple things in life are blessings. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala reminds us 33 times in Surat ArRahman:

“So which of your Lords favours will you deny?” [Qur’an: Chapter 55, Verse 13]

3. Take up a hobby

Find a way to occupy your time so that you do not become consumed by your emotions.

For me, a friend encouraged and pushed me to take up memorizingthe Qur’an. This honestly helped me in more ways than I could imagine. Not only did it help me develop my relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, but it also pushed me to take the steps in learning Qur’anic Arabic.

SubhanAllah, words alone can not describe the beauty of learning the Qur’an and the sense of tranquility that encompasses you. The way Allah’s subhanahu wa ta'ala words can humble you in seconds and put you at ease, or how some verses correct your affairs through obedience to Him.

Alongside my memorization, I also started to take steps towards a healthcare profession, alhamdulillah,and I am still currently pursuing it. Give yourself something to strive for, and give your time a purpose with an achievable goal. Even if it just for an hour or two a day, if you take your mind away from the stresses of divorce, it will really benefit you spiritually and mentally.

4. Control your tongue

Divorcing with children is not the easiest of things to deal with while remaining patient. It is so important to control your tongue and not letshaytan allow you lose your composure, not only as a mother or father, but also as a person who fears Allah suhanahu wa ta'ala . There may be times when you are angry, but in this situation, your words can be like a sword andsuch words uttered in this state may not be forgivable or forgotten. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

“He who believes in Allah and the Last Day must either speak good or remain silent.” [Sahih Muslim].

Sometimes you are angry, you don’t want to forgive. You are hurt, and you feel violated. Divorce is hard. Especially when it drags on back and forth and there is animosity between the spouses, but it is for this reason that you need to be extra cautious of the words you utter. This is a time where shaytan knows you can accumulate sins by letting your emotions take control. So, don’t let him win.

5. Seek help

Talk to someone, a friend or a therapist and seek emotional support for internalizing your emotions. I was fortunate enough to have a very supportive family with me, however if you are a victim of abuse, then it is important to seek professional help.

Isolation may be okay for a short period of time when you are internalizing what has happened, but for long periods of time this could be detrimental to your deen and this is what shaytan loves. Surround yourself with people who remind you of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, and encourage you to seek knowledge so that your relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala strengthens.

6. Know that it gets better

This brings me to my final, and possibly, my most important point. Who can honestly say  alhamdulillahand sincerely mean it when Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has decreed a hardship for them? The majority of us struggle with accepting the last pillar of faith: qadar.

How many times do we ask: “why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? If I could go back, I would have done things differently!”

In this situation, we need to put our trust in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and with no doubt in our hearts know that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has decreed what is best, and whether we see the wisdom behind it in this dunyaor in the akhirah is up to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala only tests those He loves and these tests are designed to strengthen you and prepare you for what’s ahead.

One of the mothers of the believers, Ramlah bint Abi Sufyan (Umm Habiba), upon emigrating to Abyssinia, her husband had left Islam and became Christian. When faced between remaining with him or choosing Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, she chose Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Her husband died shortly after from consuming too much alcohol. Being in a foreign country without family meant that she wasn’t left with many options, and so she decided to put her complete trust in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and live her life for His sake.SubhanAllah, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala then replaced her husband with the greatest man to walk this earth. She married the beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).

Divorce is not the end, nor is it something that tarnishes a person or diminishes their worth. Sometimes relationships do not work out and it is important to remember that when you die, you die alone. When you meet Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, you meet Him alone. It can be heartbreaking to lose the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with, but no matter what happens, you will never lose Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. He will always be there for you. Don’t let a divorce have permanent negative effects on you, use this calamity as a catalyst to get closer to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and I promise, just like I did, you will come out a stronger person."

- Iman Umm Samara

“Being divorced is not the end of the world. It could be the biggest blessing & lead to something much better, bringing about much goodness. Many people have found more compatible spouses & are leading happier lives. There is no point in holding grudges or becoming depressed over a marriage that did not work. Make an effort to look for a more appropriate spouse & the Almighty will open the doors!"

-Mufti Ismail Menk

"Dear fathers, there is no dishonour for you if your child return backs to you if things didn't work out and it ended in divorce.

Rasūlullāh ﷺ took back two of his daughters after they were unjustly divorced - and he showered them with even more love, honour, and affection. That is the essence of manhood."

Shaykh Mohammed Aslam

"To all those individuals going through relationship problems, separation, divorce, don’t despair! Live in faith. What may seem like a series of unfortunate events may be the first steps to an amazing journey"

-Qasim Rafique

You are in my prayers. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make things easier for you.

Allahumma Ameen

[skgway]

1825 May, Tues. 24

7 

11 20/60

My cousin came just before I got up. Gave Hotspur oat cake – Rainy morning – Great deal of rain, heavy during last night with much lightning (they say) yesterday evening late – It became nearly fair about 8 1/2 –

Went out at 8 50/60 – Seeing nobody about the new footpath, walked to and from the Crownest gates – A little rain in returning – Met George Robinson, and hearing the workmen were come, went and found Jackman and Frank Oates and John Crossley – the gardner and his brother were come to breakfast – Nothing could be done – Frank had tumbled over the plank, the 1st barrow – John could not wheel at all – Jackman said it would be like standing in puddle to wall – He came to job here about the house – The other 2 men went away I suppose – and George Sykes (the gardner) and his brother came and mowed the grass walks in the garden – 

Got home at 11 – Breakfast at 11 1/2 – Went upstairs at 12 1/4 – From 1 3/4 to 6, wrote the letter 1/2 page 2, page 3, the ends, and under the seal, (began on Sunday) pretty close, to Mademoiselle de Sans, and then wrote the latter 3/4 of page 3, the ends, (very small and close) and crossed the 1st page of my letter (began yesterday) to Miss M[a]cL[ea]n – Dressed and came down to dinner at 6 3/4 – The following is the passage in Miss McL– [MacLean]’s letter alluded to yesterday –

“I wish that nasty road was at an end – I do not at all like your being out all day overlooking men – I can fancy the necessity of it but I cannot bear your doing it – You must be directing, finding fault, etc. etc. A manner is so imperceptibly acquired – And you tell me you shall not be released till the middle of July! I shall expect to see a Yorkshire roadmaker appear in the shape of my friend in Quinish –  On returning to my sheet, the last lines strike me as terribly impudent – My pen ran off with the thought, and so shall the post – I am not afraid of your justice –I sometimes wonder if ever I shall know what rest is and also ask myself how we shall like each other when more personally known. Your opinion in this subject I know and wish it may prove true. Sometimes I persuade myself that when next we part it may be with indifference. All these queer thoughts pass thro my brain during my sleepless hours” – 

Wrote all the above of today downstairs after dinner – Came upstairs at 9 1/2 – Vide page 1 my letter to Miss McL– [MacLean]

“How we may meet I know not; for my fort is not in meetings – but that, when next we part, it may be with indifferences,” I confidently believe will not be the case – To me it seems to be, and, probably, it is impossible – Even should our fancies have wrought but foolishness in thus linking us together by the charities of epistolary intervenience, the disappointment, on my part at least, would be too signal to be compatible with indifference, –  That good or evil of which I have as yet learnt little from experience – These are indeed, ‘queer thoughts’ that pass thro’ your brain – I long to prove you right, or wrong – You feel, as if you knew me not thoroughly, – As if you had not yet that ‘faith, that were ev’n its light remov’d, could like the dial, fin’d remain, and wait till it shone out again’ –  Hold! Hold! Sibbella! A truce to these queer thoughts – If they have aught of truth, ‘tis premature; if they have aught of falsehood, ‘tis another villainy – But you are a person somewhat given to queer thougths – Perhaps they are in some degree inseparable from regard, and are the natural offspring of ‘the doubt it feeds on, and the pain that in its very sweetness lies? . . . . . . . . .

(vide page 3)

“Part with indifference! Impossible – No! No! Not quite impossible – You do not know me – You make me impatient – You make me anxious on this subject – I have never lately calculated upon being other than your ‘most valued friend’; nor can I be, unless I deserve it; and this conviction would make doubly great the mortification of losing any part of your good opinion” –

(vide page 2)

“I laughed aloud on reading your sentence of excommunication against that footpath – ‘directing – finding fault – a manner is so imperceptibly acquired’ your expectation” of seeing ‘a Yorkshire roadmaker in the shape of your friend’ amuses me exceedingly – This sentence is invaluable – I shall copy it into a conspicuous part of my journal, and read it every day by way of antidote – Why do you call it ‘terribly imprudent’? It is terribly just; but, luckily for me, I have sense enough to know it – In good truth, and soberness, I thank you for the sentence with all my heart – You never wrote a better, or a kinder” –

Say I will see her this summer if possible . . . . . 

“Remember now and ever, that ‘all is not gold that glitters’, nor is all valueless, that looks like dross – Do not expect to see any other than the person from whom very little difference of manner would have . . . . . . .”

these seven dots are copied and thus follows

“I am tanned as brown as if I had been dyed with walnut-juice – Itf is not in the nature of things, that I should improve much at present; but I hope . . . . . . . keep your expectation as low as possible, and spare me, if you can, the mortification of discovering, that it will be yourself around whom disappointment shall throw the folds of indifference ‘when next we part’” – 

A very kind cheering letter to Mademoiselle de S– [Sans], well written. I have brought in very well the two quotations from Moores Loves of the Angels given in my letter to Miss Macl [Maclean] about faith and tis but the doubt he feeds on etc. See above – There is the following style of profession beginning at the bottom of page 2 

“Were my interest in your welfare a small matter, – a mere word without meaning, or a feeling that endured not beyond the moment of professing it, I should have ample excuse for leaving your pages unanswered, perhaps till your head had time enough to forget me altogether; but as I never pay compliments at my heart’s expense, nor ever, either to others or myself, make a joke of its regard, you may believe it real, and may count upon its continuing, in all English sincerity, true to the last – It would delight me to be at your elbow a little just now, because I think I could cheer, and console you, – I think I could persuade you that, come what may for the present, the bright side of your case is much longer than the dark one, and that the one is but as it were, a little spot upon the other, that merely hides, for the moment; the sunny good that lies behind –  I have a presentiment, that I shall see you happy – Few will congratulate you more affectionately, and none more sincerely – Do not tell me of shewing you kindness in Paris – I had pity, perhaps even more than your doctor: but pity is neither the 1st, nor the only sentiment which it is in your power to excite, and by which you will always hold your place in the remembrance of those who are not “fickle as the summer’s wind” – . . . .

Conclude with 

“God grant you better health and speedy happiness! Write when you have time and inclination – Nothing will give me greater pleasure than the good tidings I confidently hope you will have it in your power to send; for I am really and affectionately interested in your welfare, and shall be always my dear Louise, really and affectionately your friend AL –” 

Bid her write in French and tell me what postage she pays, promising to write on thinner paper another time – Mention the de B– [Boyve]’s house being visited as an hotel garnis – Quote Mrs. B– [Barlow]’s words, mention her illness and mention that Miss Gauntlett has told us of a very nice respectable French woman who will be ready to receive a few in July – I have noted this because I never mean to go to the de B– [Boyve]’s again, and hope I have not walked in the Tuileries gardens for the last [time] – Hope to chat again there with Mademoiselle de S– [Sans] and Mrs. B– [Barlow]

A few heavyish showers during the day (vide line of today) very heavy thunder rain in the evening – Began about 7 – Barometer 3 1/4 degrees below changeable, Fahrenheit 57º at 9 1/2 p.m., at which hour came up to bed – Sat up reading volume 1 Rousseau Confessions – I certainly improve a little from the style of Rousseau and read with more ease and profitable observation than ever before –

[whentommymetalfie]

Doing the thing! Do you have any headcanons about what Alfie was like before the war? Or about how Alfie handled all the shit he'd seen and done while over there and how, compared to Tommy, he got to be in a mentally decent place with himself?

Okay this is a bit (or a lot) all over the place, but I’ve tried to include a little bit of everything on the quite extensive subject of Alfie before and after the war. I hope you’ll like it (despite the arguable... messiness) and thank you for sending a request!:) 

--

-Alfie after the war has quite a few similarities with Alfie before the war. Losing his mother at a young age and fleeing Russia taught him pretty early that life can and will be grim. So even though the horrors of war were definitely worse than anything else he’s experienced, it’s not entirely... unexpected may be the wrong word, but it’s entirely new.  

-If Tommy spends every waking moment working with frenetic energy in an attempt to drown out all his feelings after the war, it’s had the opposite effect on Alfie. There’s this weariness in him now that wasn’t there before -and sure, he still takes every opportunity to screw someone over if it means expanding the business, but it’s more of a routine he just has to follow, because what else is he supposed to do?

-Although Alfie has always been what people like to call ‘hotheaded’ -he wasn’t quite as quick on the draw before the war. He had a bit more patience with people. A bit longer fuse. And sure, these days it’s often a calculated move, using violent outbursts to keep people on their toes, but sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it feels like there’s something inside his head that broke during the war: some nerve or wire in his brain that never quite stitched itself back together.

-Though it was worse right when he came home, when every little thing would set him off, simply because he had this constant simmering rage underneath his skin. He’s had to learn how to deal with that, and it took a long time to find ways around it. Simple tricks like counting, or distracting himself by listing all the ingredients to his mum’s challah in his head works. As cliché as it may sound, just getting that moment of distraction gives him enough time to take a step back and make an actual conscious choice, rather than to slam his fist into whoever just pissed him off.

-Alfie’s backpain is also a remnant from the war -nerve damage the field doctor said, but it’s pretty vague and he never really got a proper answer to what causes it. Some days it’s hard to have a physical reminder of the war, even though he’s tried to separate it from that, and just view it as one in the line of aches and pain that one can get from working in his profession. But Tommy is very perceptive when it comes to this, and always pays Alfie a bit of extra attention during these days: Makes sure they don’t stay too long at the office, that he’s up and moving every once in a while (because he’s read that it’s supposed to help). And then gives him a very painful but effective backrub when they get home. Maybe runs him a bath.

-Religion has always played an important role in Alfie’s life: the Jewish community he grew up in gave him a sense of belonging, so it’s only natural that it’s become an intricate part of who he is. And in the midst of all the chaos of… life, there’s something comforting about being part of something bigger.

-Though smuggling rum and bookmaking are not exactly things that are encouraged in the Torah, so there are some complicated feelings on the matter -at least on those occasional sleepless night. And the war further complicated things: somehow it feels like he should denounce God after the things he saw during it. But it clings to him, his faith, because it’s just always been there, always been part of him and his life. It’s not something he can choose to take off like a sweater that doesn’t fit anymore. And for the most part, he’s pretty happy to still have it.

-War can make anyone doubt the existence of a higher power, especially one with mankind’s greater good in mind. They talk about it once, he and Tommy. And Tommy asks how he can still believe in God after the war.

“Well, I reckon that he makes us walk through a desert every once in a while, right, but there might be something good at the end of that desert-“ Alfie says, surprisingly brief in his answer, and gives Tommy this look, all soft eyes and sincerity. And then Tommy can’t come up with something cynical to say.

-Over all, Alfie has just accepted the war and the damage it did in a different way than Tommy, and he’s dealt with his emotions rather than keeping them all buried. And sure the way he’s dealt with them -by raging, getting in various fights, fucking people he probably shouldn’t have fucked- hasn’t always been the most healthy, but it’s still better than just burying it all.

-And as full of shit as life can be, you have to appreciate when something good comes along. Small, good things. Like… seeing a happy dog.

-And that’s why Alfie bakes bread at home (not very often before he meets Tommy. And very often after he does). And thinks it makes sense to sleep in every once in a while. And read his favourite books over and over again.

-And if you have to live for something, Alfie decides, living for those small good things is a reason as good as any. And there’s peace in accepting that things will be shit for the most part, but that if you’re lucky, you’ll find a few little good things every now and then.

-Though this view changes a bit when Tommy shows up at his bakery and bleeds all over his desk, because suddenly Alfie’s got this… incredibly good thing in his life, and he doesn’t know how to handle it at first. Whenever he comes across too good of a thing, he’s got this feeling that it might be ripped from him at any moment. (That’s partially why he quickly becomes what Tommy would call ‘insanely over protective’.)

-So Alfie takes care to remind himself every now and then how lucky he is to have Tommy in his life. And he of course reminds Tommy of it just as often, often through long speeches containing a lot of arguably convoluted metaphors about... the color of his eyes, or his freckles. 

-Or sometimes just through something simple, like bringing him breakfast in bed, or buying him cigarettes before he even runs out of them. 

-Tommy is secretly equally appreciative of all of them. 

[alistairradley]

(1/2) Kuya, I like this guy for almost two years already and I never told anyone. I never had any crushes for 4 years before him because I also had a self-made rule which is not to involve myself in any romantic matters unless I finish or live out first my dreams or purpose in life. Until now that I am liking him, I still want to go on with that self-made rule. In fact, I was in the cycle of denial and acceptance regarding my feelings for him because I strongly don't want it.

(2/2)Normal people would feel "kilig" for having a crush but I just feel miserable and uncomfortable for whatever he is making me feel. Thus, I always prayed or asked God to help me move on from this or remove the feelings if it is not His will (and I strongly believe that even though he is not a bad guy, he is not what God wants for me). But, it has been almost two years and I still feel strongly for him. Please, tell me what is wrong with me or what. Thank you.

I hope you don't mind but I actually showed this ask to my friends. They laughed out loud (at me, definitely not you) because they said I was the absolute worst person to answer this. They kept saying stuff like "Don't ruin this person."

They're just exaggerating (I think) but since you left this ask in my inbox I figured I should give my two cents regarding your problem.

I don't think attraction especially to a fellow Christian is really a bad thing unless it's bordering on lust.

Now, if this person you like is a Christian, and when I say Christian someone who doesn't just profess to be one but actually bears the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control from Galatians 5:22-23) and someone who truly desires God to be conformed to Christ (Romans 8:29) then I don't see any problems if ever the two of you end up being in a relationship.

But if he's not showing any fruit then my advice would just be for you continue to stay away.

Now, you didn't really state why you think that this guy isn't who God wants you to be with. I'm assuming that you have a reason to believe that but since I don't know what that reason is I won't address it. But I hope that you reassess that reason and go to prayer because sometimes we often make mistakes when it comes to assessing God's will for our life. I know that I certainly did even though I was so sure before.

As for not being involved with anyone until you live out your dreams or fulfill your purpose, I'm not sure that's a good idea.

Biblically, as long as a Christian is alive, God still has a purpose in mind. So until the day you die God will continue to use you.

But I'm assuming that you're referring to a certain goal that you're trying to reach right now and you want to hold out on relationships until you've reached it. As someone who has ambitions I can relate to you. I also don't want to be distracted by entering into a relationship.

But based from what you said it seems like you might be longing for intimacy and you're fighting that idea and that's why you feel miserable.

I don't mean just mean someone to hold hands or hug and even kiss but someone that you want to connect to, share your life with and maybe hopefully get married to someday.

I know I'm pretty much guessing since I don't have full understanding of what you're going through right now. But I want you to know and understand that you can have a relationship and keep pursuing your ambitions. You don't necessarily have to give up your goals. I have Christian friends who started dating in college, they both had their own goals and pursued it. It worked out great for them. I just found out the other day that they're getting married soon in a few months. I am sincerely happy for them.

I'm not telling you to ask this long time crush of yours, out on a date but I just think that you should rethink if staying single until you fulfill your ambitions is truly what God wants for you. And if it is then you should see this as a trial and pray to God that the attraction goes away.

But if you suddenly think otherwise, then maybe you should consider opening yourself up to being in a relationship. And at that point I think you should ask a godly Christian woman to give you advice and definitely not me (LOL).

[fear-god-shun-evil]

What Prayers God Doesn’t Listen to? How to Pray in Accord With God’s Will

We pray to the Lord every day, but do you know what types of prayers the Lord doesn’t listen to? How can your prayers be accepted by the Lord? After reading the article “What Prayers God Doesn’t Listen to? How to Pray in Accord With God’s Will,” you will find some ways.

Spiritual Q&A

I pray to the Lord every day, and especially the morning prayer and evening prayer, are essential parts of my everyday life. Moreover, I constantly persist in doing it like this. But many times, even though I pray to the Lord, I am unable to feel Him, and I obviously feel that the Lord doesn’t hear my prayers. Having prayed for many years, yet I feel that my life has no progress or change. Therefore, I have no faith unknowingly. I don’t know why is this so. Can you tell me how to pray in accord with the Lord’s will?

Sincerely yours,

Tao Xin

Brother Tao Xin:

The situation you said is generally existing in our church. Why does the Lord not hear our prayers? As for the reason why, mostly, it is because our prayers are not in accord with the Lord’s will. To understand how to pray in line with the Lord’s will, we firstly need to know what types of prayers are not commended by the Lord. Next, let’s seek and discuss it together. May the Lord lead us!

1. Half-hearted Prayers Can’t Be Heard by the Lord

Sometimes when we wake up, we may pray like this, “God, today, I commit my entire day to You. I am willing to let You guide me throughout the day. Please watch over me so I do not encounter any evil or temptation. Let me live in the radiance of Your countenance. May God bless me. Amen!”

We also often pray in this way, “Jehovah God, You are the Creator of the heavens and earth and all things. You control human destiny. Lord Jesus, You are our Savior. You shed Your blood on the cross to cleanse us of our sins. You no longer see us as sinners. You see us as righteous. Therefore, you do not define our misdeeds as sins. No matter how corrupt we are or how we sin, You forgive us. Lord Jesus! Your words are our guiding light. You are our everything. You are our Lord. We are Your sheep. You watch over and keep us every day. You bless our parents, our children and our families.” However, though we kneel down, our mouths speaking unceasingly, yet our hearts are closed to God, and what we say is not what is in our hearts. We are just talking to ourselves, talking into thin air. We don’t care at all whether the Lord is pleased with it. So, even though we pray once in the morning and once in the evening, and sometimes we even pray for one or two hours, we have no results at all.

Our half-hearted prayers are not heard by the Lord, because we are deceiving Him. It is said in the Book of Isaiah, “For as much as this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honor me, but have removed their heart far from me” (Isaiah 29:13). Because such prayers are not devout, and we don’t treat the Lord as the Lord should be treated, but treat Him as if He were empty air, thus we can’t receive the work of Holy Spirit, nor do we have the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit. As a result, though we have prayed to the Lord for many years, we have produced nothing. We still live in the state of sinning each day and confessing each night. We can neither see any changes to our life disposition nor live out the decorum of the saints.

2. Going Through the Motions of Praying to the Lord Is Not Heard by Him

Sometimes we rush to do things or to go to work, and even if we pray, we are going through the motions. For example, sometimes we pray like this, “God, I entrust You with this matter. I entrust You with my children and parents. I entrust You with everything. God, please bless and protect me. Amen!” Our prayer is as quick as a rabbit. Our hearts are impatient. The prayer consists of only a few sentences and it is over. Sometimes we pray to the Lord thanking Him for the food, but we have to rush off to work, so we pray quickly, “God, You have blessed me with this meal. You have given me this meal. I will never forget Your grace. I will not forget your love for me. I pray in the Lord Jesus’ name, Amen!” We speak some words in a hurry and the prayer is over again. There are also times when we realize our children don’t obey us, we close our eyes and pray, “Lord, I entrust this child to You. I cannot discipline him. He does not obey me. I give the child to You. Lord, You are almighty. I pray in the name of the Lord Jesus. Amen!” But after prayer, we go our own way. Such prayers are going through the motions. God says, “People believe in God, love God, and satisfy God by touching the Spirit of God with their heart, thereby obtaining His satisfaction; when engaging with God’s words with their heart, they are therefore moved by the Spirit of God.” We don’t use our hearts to pray but go through the formalities, and if we always pray in this way, our prayers will become religious ceremony, which is going through the motions for the Lord, is deceiving the Lord, and can only be despised by God.

3. Praying With a Tone of Doubt Is Not Heard by the Lord

Each of us believers longs for the Lord’s coming. Sometimes we may pray like this, “O God, You promised to lead us into the kingdom of heaven and reveal Yourself to us. You promised to raise us up to meet with You in the air. Why haven’t You honored this promise yet after all this time? Why is this?” When we are sick, if our illness is not be healed, we will pray, “O Lord, I rely on You truly. Why do You not heal my illness?” When we quarrel with someone, or somebody bullies us, we will pray, “O Lord, this man is so wicked. Why do you not discipline or punish him?”

This type of prayer is also not approved by the Lord. Why do we say so? Because when we pray like this, we are questioning God and treating God as our equal. God is the Creator while we are created beings. We can never be equal with God. If we talk to the Creator like that, our relationship with the Lord is improper. Besides, we will never receive the Lord’s approval.

4. Praying With Motivations to Make Deals With the Lord Is Not Heard by Him

There are many behaviors like that. For example, when we fall ill, we will pray in this way, “Oh God! You must save me! I beg You to get rid of this illness, to get rid of this cup of suffering as soon as possible! You must cure me.” Sometimes when we face disasters, we may pray, “God, if You save me and keep me from disaster, if You don’t let me die, I will offer my whole being to You.” When we sink into spiritual darkness or are incapable of feeling the Lord, we will pray, “O Lord, I’ve believed in You for twenty or thirty years and sacrificed much for You! I gave up a good job for You! I didn’t earn any money for twenty plus years! I’ve eaten bland food and worn ordinary clothes! I’ve suffered persecution, tribulation, ridicule and slander, all for Your sake! Today, I hope You can raise me into the kingdom of heaven when you return, but I’ve already waited all of these years without hearing anything or feeling anything from You. Lord, have You forsaken me? If You really have forsaken me, then You have no credibility!”

The above types of prayers don’t conform to the Lord’s intentions. Why is it said that such prayers are not approved by Him?

The reason why we pray in such way is because we want to use God to achieve our own ends, want to use our exertions and spreading the gospel, our sufferings, and the price we pay to exchange His blessings, to avoid disasters and enter the kingdom of heaven. We are making deals with God. When our intentions are wrong, people can see through us, no matter what we say. Thus, it’s even easier for God to figure it out by searching our hearts. In addition, as we don’t have true communion with God, our actions can’t accord with God’s will, and we don’t have a proper relationship with Him, prayers like these are not accepted by God. Just as the Lord Jesus said, “Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in your name? and in your name have cast out devils? and in your name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess to them, I never knew you: depart from me, you that work iniquity!” (Matthew 7:22-23).

Since the above are all not approved by the Lord, then how do we pray to conform to His will?

1. Quieting Our Hearts Before the Lord, Speaking the Words in Our Hearts, and Bringing Our Actual Difficulties Before the Lord

For example, when we realize our children don’t obey us, we can pray in this way, “Lord! Nowadays raising a child is too difficult. Without the truth I cannot teach the child, and the child won’t obey me! O Lord, humans are created by You. You gave me this child. Truly I see now that I don’t have the truth, nor am I what should be as a human, and I have no way to teach the child. I entrust this child to You and I am willing to rely on You to teach him!”

We already have enough money to get by, but we still want to earn more and enjoy more. We may pray to the Lord, “God, I now see that my heart is very covetous of wealth. Others are all able to forsake everything and be content with clothes on their back and the food on their plate. Why can’t I be content? Why do I still cling to wealth in my heart? Please God, I ask You to save me! I don’t care if You discipline me or if You use some other method, it’s all okay.”

Sometimes, we see some illegal actions of the pastors and elders, but we can’t see through them. Then, we can pray to God, “God, Your words reveal the Pharisees, but I cannot see through them clearly. On the outside they seem very devout, why can’t I see their essential hypocrisy? Especially their essential hatred of the truth, I can’t see through to that. So, in my heart I have always looked up to them and I always wanted to ask them if I came across problems. I also feel this is incorrect, but why can’t I let it go? Why am I unable to see through to their inner nature and forsake them in my heart?” Isn’t through this way of praying that we quiet ourselves before the Lord and converse with Him earnestly? It is just like how we would have a heart-to-heart talk with another person. In both cases, we are speaking from the heart, and we speak out our greatest problems. When God sees these, He will know we’re sincere and not trying to fool Him or sweet-talk and deceive Him. Then the Holy Spirit will do His work. So, after praying, we’ll feel brightened in our hearts, as if a burden has been lifted.

2. Praying to the Lord as a Creature of God, Making No Demands and Requests of the Lord, and Being Able to Obey the Lord Truly

If we get a serious illness suddenly, we will ponder inside, “Why do I fall ill? Will I get cancer? If it is God’s way of punishing me, if He wants me to die, then I will submit. If it is God’s way of refining me and cleansing me, I am willing to accept such refinement.” Then we will pray to God in our minds, “Dear God, if You want me to die I will submit, and I guarantee I will have no complaints. I was created by You and I have done many things that do not conform to Your intentions, and I should receive punishment for this.”

After such a submissive prayer, we will be moved very much, and will not be so constrained by future and destiny. Furthermore, we will have the will of obeying God within, and will no longer make any demands on Him. Why can such prayers be effective? It is because we put our positions right. We are standing in our places as a creation of God and having a submissive heart to pray to and seek God. So, later on, before we pray, we should think first and be fully prepared. Regarding the difficulties we face and the things we need God to clarify for us, we should develop a simple outline of how we should seek help from God, how we should fellowship with God. And then, we should find a suitable opportunity and the appropriate environment to kneel before God and pray. This way, it shall be easy to quiet our hearts before God and receive the work of the Holy Spirit. Moreover, our spiritual life can continue to grow.

Sincerely yours,

Spiritual Q&A

[origami-goblin]

Starfinder Theme Focus - Mercenaries and Outlaws

Three down, seven to go! I’ve decided that I might as well just knock out the remaining themes all in a row so that at the very least they’ll be crammed together on the blog in a loose semblance of order. Check back on the first two posts if you want a bit of background on the Starfinder Themes and the role they play in character creation. There isn’t much more I can expand on regarding themes specifically, so maybe I’ll just impart a few thoughts on backstories as little tidbits for you to ruminate on. Maybe I’ll sprinkle some powdered sugar on top. Maybe!

The point of a backstory is provide a framework and serve as a backdrop for your character - what do they believe? What quirks do they have? Why are they the way that they are? We are all products of our environments, and it is that environment that you are trying to envision. Leave spaces in the narrative to come out during the game; if you fill in every tiny detail then there won’t be anything for the GM to work with and incorporate into the story. Loose ends are the best! They can be woven into the narrative in order to enhance the game. Even if you’re playing a prewritten Adventure Path or Module, a good GM will use the gaps in your backstory to help engage your PC and keep them interested. And when you’re talking about the sheet expanse of the Vast in Starfinder, let your imagination run rampant on WHO your character is! Themes are a nice paste you can spread over your character to stick new things on top of.

Alright - now we are primed to talk about the Mercenary and Outlaw themes. There is a “bad boy” mentality that naturally comes into the conversation with each of these, by lets see if we can list out five brief theme concepts that stretch the boundaries of the basic definitions of these words.

Mercenary Character Concepts “Whether you take jobs that match your ethical beliefs or you fight for anyone who can afford your services, you are a hired gun. You might take pride in your past accomplishments, proudly displaying trophies of your kills, or you might be laden with guilt over being the sole survivor of a mission gone terribly wrong. You most likely work with other mercenaries and are familiar with the methodologies of military actions all across the galaxy.”

Security Officer - You’ve always seen yourself as a protector - whether someone needs a watchful eye to make sure they stay out of trouble, or if an estate needs to reprimand unwelcome visitors, you can answer that call. Your allegiance follows the flow of credits and you won’t let your personal beliefs get in the way of whoever’s paying. Nobody’s breaking Non-Disclosure Agreements, but you wouldn’t be dissuaded from providing your security services for a direct competitor. Do you run a small-scale Security Detail or are you a division of a larger corporation? Do you specialize in a particular type of work, such as being a bodyguard or providing cyber-security? Where is your base of operations, or do you require on-site lodgings in order to provide the best service? Were you a part of a specific military before becoming involved in security or have you never tied yourself down to a specific group in that capacity? I see Michael Weston from Burn Notice as a decent example of a Mercenary in this vein - providing assistance through the completion of odd jobs and using his unique skills to outthink his opposition. Divine Crusader - You believe that the Divine shape the universe through the people that inhabit it. And after all is said and done, and your light goes out, you want to be sure that your deeds didn’t go unnoticed from the powerful beings above. For this reason you wear every divine symbol under your shirt, prominently displaying the current recipient of your unwavering homage and devotion. For you, it isn’t a matter of lacking faith; you are just covering your spiritual bases. Or maybe you have followed a strict belief to a single deity for your entire life, pledging your devotion whole-cloth from day one. Do you play a prominent militaristic role while professing your faith or do you sell your services in a more charismatic avenue? Are you convinced that your actions are tipping the doomsday scales in your favor, or is there a crack in your faith? Have you served in any divine-fueled wars or defected from a losing side? A character falling into this category should have their religious preference tied into their backstory, which had likely followed their interests, skills, and hobbies. I can’t stop thinking of medieval crusaders in this regard, but there is a lot of flavor to dip into here. Corporate Consultant - In the Pact Worlds, corporations might as well be planets for all the power that carry, and they probably have a militaristic presence of some kind. A corporate consultant could specialize in offering recommendations to specific equipment and weapons, or perhaps they aren’t involved in a violent capacity at all. They could be ruthless and tactical, pulling the strings from behind the curtain or offering suggestions on where to shave off the excess fat of the company. I particularly like the idea of someone walking around with a clipboard and conducting interviews with employees ala Office Space. But how does that tie to a Mercenary? Maybe it’s the company itself - weapons contractor, thugs for hire, etc. Or, perhaps the war lies between a rival corporation and you are involved in espionage and marketing attacks to gain market share. Targeted advertisements, facilities sabotage, and staged product recalls are only the tip of the iceberg. Intergalactic Lobbyist - You have connections. We aren’t talking about a guy who does your dry cleaning or a farm with the best space radishes; these are high-level, big-time connections that puts credits in pockets and shapes the political landscape of the Pact Worlds. The companies on the money side of the table tell you which babies to kiss and which people to schmooze. If your efforts lead to a political victory, lax taxation, or breaks in long-standing mercantile tariffs, then you get paid handsomely as well. Having the backing of a wealthy corporation is influential in the complicated game of thrones and your ability to reach across planetary lines to make hands meet in a mutual agreement is second to none. Are you employed by a certain company or industry, or do you represent the lawmaking bodies? Do you have morals where you would refuse to make connections that conflict with your personal beliefs? Are you sincere in your work? Have you been known to exercise a position as a double-agent or worked to tack on seemingly insignificant riders to laws that will add up to accomplish a more grandiose goal? You’re likely trained to handle yourself in case seals go sour, and can get out of hairy situations with your wit or your weapons. Boisterous Revolutionary - The transgressions of the current government have gone far enough and it is time for someone to lead the charge against their injustice. That someone is you. Whether it be a local affair to overthrow a village leader or an elaborate scheme to Take Down an entire planetary government, you have the tactical mind and leadership ability required to gather people behind a cause. This might not even be your brainchild - perhaps you were hired to be the face of the militaristic front or to train the rabble that will be storming the frontlines of the fight. Is your identity a secret while you infiltrate the ranks of the very government you’re trying to unravel? Are you merely a voice blasting through the sound-waves, promoting action or demanding change? Why do you fight? Is it a personal grievance or is your reasoning more utilitarian than that? How is the revolution designed to be won and what are the conditions of a victory? From a grassroots movement to an all-out war, there are loads of potential for a character who wants things to be different.

Outlaw Character Concepts "Due to the sins of your past or your current unlawful behavior, you are a wanted individual somewhere in the Pact Worlds. You might not even be guilty and are striving to clear your good name. Or you might fully admit to being a criminal but believe the laws you break are unjust. Whatever the case, boarding a starship headed to the Vast might be just the thing you need until the heat dies down—or until you’re dragged off to prison.” Escaped Convict - You weren’t about to twiddle your thumbs and patiently serve out your sentence. Through careful planning, tactical bribes, and a healthy serving of luck, you have broken out of prison and now you’re on the lam. I’m sure that the going hasn’t been easy - between hiding from the law, committing other crimes to stay alive, and disguising your appearance, it’s been a challenge. Did you have anyone waiting for you on the outside, or have you been begging, borrowing, and sealing to get by? Did your escape because you were wrongfully convicted or did you have some unfinished business to take care of? Were you a part of a criminal organization that lacked direction after you were locked up? What about going forwards - do you have a new identity that you’ve been working to build? Is this a backstory within a backstory situation? Were you partially rehabilitated? Did a couple screws get popped loose while you were in the clink, or are there any specific life-changing moments after your capture and sentencing? From the details of the escape, to acquaintances made behind bars, to plans for the future, this one has some long legs you can use to take some great strides. Undercover Vigilante - By day you work a nondescript job behind a desk but once night hits you are something else entirely. Alternate personas, white lies regarding your whereabouts, and layers of complex secrets define your alternate exploits. In your primary life you might display yourself as completely average but your other identity has an astronomical bounty on their head. What sorts of activities do you participate in while you’re on and off the clock? Are you more of a Robin Hood character or an independent crime fighter who bends the rules and laws to bring justice to those who would normally get a slap on the wrist? Are your methods questionable? Do you kill? It’s hard not to use Dexter as a point of comparison for someone who uses illegal means to ensure justice is served. Does anybody know about your double life, or do you offer your services to law enforcement agencies? Is there a contact on the force that helps you plan out your next target? Do you wear a unique costume or uniform or do you think it’s unnecessary so long as your face is hidden? White Collar Criminal - Blood is messy and it will spoil your freshly laundered clothes. Your crimes aren’t rooted in violence of the body, but in the acquisition of funds through discreet avenues. Accounting errors, financial repossession algorithms, malicious software - you alter the bottom line of companies to fill your purse with those sweet, sweet credits. Maybe you’ve forged documents to give yourself access to places you shouldn’t be, or perhaps you’ve run pyramid schemes that have created an almost-cult following behind you. What sorts of crimes have you performed and what sorts of groups do you typically target? How large is he typical score? Do you use an alias or leave a calling card to pump up your ego or would you rather not take those unnecessary risks? Did you have an inspiration or teacher for your work, or were your skills self-taught? Is this a full-time gig or do you have another job so that your extra-curricular activities are more of a supplement? Neal Caffrey from White Collar would be a solid source of inspiration for this one, and he really is a jack-of-all-trades when it comes to these sorts of things. Think about how it translates to the world of Starfinder, where technology has progressed significantly and the possibility of scams is abundant - lemon starships, pre-Gap forgeries, and impersonations of diplomats who are literally planets away. Petty Thief - You are small-time but that doesn’t mean you’re any less talented than the more infamous criminals who are making bigger scores than you. In your eyes, smaller is safer since people are less apt to notice and the manhunt won’t be as dedicated when a booster gets stolen off a personal starship or a couple hundred credits get swiped from a stray purse. Maybe you were raised on the streets and this has always been a part of you or maybe you’ve resorted to crime to rebel against an unfair system. Perhaps you enjoy the thrill you get from the act itself, or you like to cut it as close as possible without getting caught. Do you work independently or as a part of a team? Is there a special role that you fill? How much planning do you do before committing a crime or do you act within the moment? Are you skilled with a weapon or are your talents more in line with dexterity and a convincing tongue? Do you have a stash of Stolen Goods or do you turn around and sell the hot items right away? Is there anything that you’ve stolen that has developed sentimental value? You wouldn’t even have to have an evil alignment depending on your intentions and the severity of your crimes. Contract Assassin - You have your target and it is your job to eliminate that target without drawing suspicion to yourself or your employer(s). Secrecy is the name of the game and nobody is more meticulous in plotting out the precise details of your operation. As such, your skills come at a high price, but people are willing to pay it knowing that you will be successful in fulfilling your end of the bargain. Your actions have ended wars and started them, reunited countries and torn them apart. From insignificant low-lifes to heavily guarded political figures, you fulfill whatever contracts are the most attractive. Are you driven by money or do you believe that the results of your actions will align with another agenda? Is there a list of prerequisites that must be fulfilled before a target becomes an acceptable contract? How do people get in contact with you? How do you provide your resume for the skeptical clientele without giving away your identity completely? My fallback isAgent 47 from the Hitman series, since he is practically more machine than man which provides an interesting dynamic for the rest of the party.

—

Another two themes are in the books! Think about how you can add additional spins to these and how the other aspects of your character might tie into the Theme. Can you picture a Vesk crunching numbers and pushing papers all day just to hit the streets as a brutish enforcer at night? What about a Ysoki rubbing elbows with some of the most elite leaders in the Pact Worlds? Priests and Scholars are up next - stay tuned for more Starfinder goodness!

[love-god-forever]

What Prayers God Doesn’t Listen to? How to Pray in Accord With God’s Will

We pray to the Lord every day, but do you know what types of prayers the Lord doesn’t listen to? How can your prayers be accepted by the Lord? After reading the article “What Prayers God Doesn’t Listen to? How to Pray in Accord With God’s Will,” you will find some ways.

Spiritual Q&A

I pray to the Lord every day, and especially the morning prayer and evening prayer, are essential parts of my everyday life. Moreover, I constantly persist in doing it like this. But many times, even though I pray to the Lord, I am unable to feel Him, and I obviously feel that the Lord doesn’t hear my prayers. Having prayed for many years, yet I feel that my life has no progress or change. Therefore, I have no faith unknowingly. I don’t know why is this so. Can you tell me how to pray in accord with the Lord’s will?

Sincerely yours,

Tao Xin

Brother Tao Xin:

The situation you said is generally existing in our church. Why does the Lord not hear our prayers? As for the reason why, mostly, it is because our prayers are not in accord with the Lord’s will. To understand how to pray in line with the Lord’s will, we firstly need to know what types of prayers are not commended by the Lord. Next, let’s seek and discuss it together. May the Lord lead us!

1. Half-hearted Prayers Can’t Be Heard by the Lord

Sometimes when we wake up, we may pray like this, “God, today, I commit my entire day to You. I am willing to let You guide me throughout the day. Please watch over me so I do not encounter any evil or temptation. Let me live in the radiance of Your countenance. May God bless me. Amen!”

We also often pray in this way, “Jehovah God, You are the Creator of the heavens and earth and all things. You control human destiny. Lord Jesus, You are our Savior. You shed Your blood on the cross to cleanse us of our sins. You no longer see us as sinners. You see us as righteous. Therefore, you do not define our misdeeds as sins. No matter how corrupt we are or how we sin, You forgive us. Lord Jesus! Your words are our guiding light. You are our everything. You are our Lord. We are Your sheep. You watch over and keep us every day. You bless our parents, our children and our families.” However, though we kneel down, our mouths speaking unceasingly, yet our hearts are closed to God, and what we say is not what is in our hearts. We are just talking to ourselves, talking into thin air. We don’t care at all whether the Lord is pleased with it. So, even though we pray once in the morning and once in the evening, and sometimes we even pray for one or two hours, we have no results at all.

Our half-hearted prayers are not heard by the Lord, because we are deceiving Him. It is said in the Book of Isaiah, “For as much as this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honor me, but have removed their heart far from me” (Isaiah 29:13). Because such prayers are not devout, and we don’t treat the Lord as the Lord should be treated, but treat Him as if He were empty air, thus we can’t receive the work of Holy Spirit, nor do we have the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit. As a result, though we have prayed to the Lord for many years, we have produced nothing. We still live in the state of sinning each day and confessing each night. We can neither see any changes to our life disposition nor live out the decorum of the saints.

2. Going Through the Motions of Praying to the Lord Is Not Heard by Him

Sometimes we rush to do things or to go to work, and even if we pray, we are going through the motions. For example, sometimes we pray like this, “God, I entrust You with this matter. I entrust You with my children and parents. I entrust You with everything. God, please bless and protect me. Amen!” Our prayer is as quick as a rabbit. Our hearts are impatient. The prayer consists of only a few sentences and it is over. Sometimes we pray to the Lord thanking Him for the food, but we have to rush off to work, so we pray quickly, “God, You have blessed me with this meal. You have given me this meal. I will never forget Your grace. I will not forget your love for me. I pray in the Lord Jesus’ name, Amen!” We speak some words in a hurry and the prayer is over again. There are also times when we realize our children don’t obey us, we close our eyes and pray, “Lord, I entrust this child to You. I cannot discipline him. He does not obey me. I give the child to You. Lord, You are almighty. I pray in the name of the Lord Jesus. Amen!” But after prayer, we go our own way. Such prayers are going through the motions. God says, “People believe in God, love God, and satisfy God by touching the Spirit of God with their heart, thereby obtaining His satisfaction; when engaging with God’s words with their heart, they are therefore moved by the Spirit of God.” We don’t use our hearts to pray but go through the formalities, and if we always pray in this way, our prayers will become religious ceremony, which is going through the motions for the Lord, is deceiving the Lord, and can only be despised by God.

3. Praying With a Tone of Doubt Is Not Heard by the Lord

Each of us believers longs for the Lord’s coming. Sometimes we may pray like this, “O God, You promised to lead us into the kingdom of heaven and reveal Yourself to us. You promised to raise us up to meet with You in the air. Why haven’t You honored this promise yet after all this time? Why is this?” When we are sick, if our illness is not be healed, we will pray, “O Lord, I rely on You truly. Why do You not heal my illness?” When we quarrel with someone, or somebody bullies us, we will pray, “O Lord, this man is so wicked. Why do you not discipline or punish him?”

This type of prayer is also not approved by the Lord. Why do we say so? Because when we pray like this, we are questioning God and treating God as our equal. God is the Creator while we are created beings. We can never be equal with God. If we talk to the Creator like that, our relationship with the Lord is improper. Besides, we will never receive the Lord’s approval.

4. Praying With Motivations to Make Deals With the Lord Is Not Heard by Him

There are many behaviors like that. For example, when we fall ill, we will pray in this way, “Oh God! You must save me! I beg You to get rid of this illness, to get rid of this cup of suffering as soon as possible! You must cure me.” Sometimes when we face disasters, we may pray, “God, if You save me and keep me from disaster, if You don’t let me die, I will offer my whole being to You.” When we sink into spiritual darkness or are incapable of feeling the Lord, we will pray, “O Lord, I’ve believed in You for twenty or thirty years and sacrificed much for You! I gave up a good job for You! I didn’t earn any money for twenty plus years! I’ve eaten bland food and worn ordinary clothes! I’ve suffered persecution, tribulation, ridicule and slander, all for Your sake! Today, I hope You can raise me into the kingdom of heaven when you return, but I’ve already waited all of these years without hearing anything or feeling anything from You. Lord, have You forsaken me? If You really have forsaken me, then You have no credibility!”

The above types of prayers don’t conform to the Lord’s intentions. Why is it said that such prayers are not approved by Him?

The reason why we pray in such way is because we want to use God to achieve our own ends, want to use our exertions and spreading the gospel, our sufferings, and the price we pay to exchange His blessings, to avoid disasters and enter the kingdom of heaven. We are making deals with God. When our intentions are wrong, people can see through us, no matter what we say. Thus, it’s even easier for God to figure it out by searching our hearts. In addition, as we don’t have true communion with God, our actions can’t accord with God’s will, and we don’t have a proper relationship with Him, prayers like these are not accepted by God. Just as the Lord Jesus said, “Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in your name? and in your name have cast out devils? and in your name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess to them, I never knew you: depart from me, you that work iniquity!” (Matthew 7:22-23).

Since the above are all not approved by the Lord, then how do we pray to conform to His will?

1. Quieting Our Hearts Before the Lord, Speaking the Words in Our Hearts, and Bringing Our Actual Difficulties Before the Lord

For example, when we realize our children don’t obey us, we can pray in this way, “Lord! Nowadays raising a child is too difficult. Without the truth I cannot teach the child, and the child won’t obey me! O Lord, humans are created by You. You gave me this child. Truly I see now that I don’t have the truth, nor am I what should be as a human, and I have no way to teach the child. I entrust this child to You and I am willing to rely on You to teach him!”

We already have enough money to get by, but we still want to earn more and enjoy more. We may pray to the Lord, “God, I now see that my heart is very covetous of wealth. Others are all able to forsake everything and be content with clothes on their back and the food on their plate. Why can’t I be content? Why do I still cling to wealth in my heart? Please God, I ask You to save me! I don’t care if You discipline me or if You use some other method, it’s all okay.”

Sometimes, we see some illegal actions of the pastors and elders, but we can’t see through them. Then, we can pray to God, “God, Your words reveal the Pharisees, but I cannot see through them clearly. On the outside they seem very devout, why can’t I see their essential hypocrisy? Especially their essential hatred of the truth, I can’t see through to that. So, in my heart I have always looked up to them and I always wanted to ask them if I came across problems. I also feel this is incorrect, but why can’t I let it go? Why am I unable to see through to their inner nature and forsake them in my heart?” Isn’t through this way of praying that we quiet ourselves before the Lord and converse with Him earnestly? It is just like how we would have a heart-to-heart talk with another person. In both cases, we are speaking from the heart, and we speak out our greatest problems. When God sees these, He will know we’re sincere and not trying to fool Him or sweet-talk and deceive Him. Then the Holy Spirit will do His work. So, after praying, we’ll feel brightened in our hearts, as if a burden has been lifted.

2. Praying to the Lord as a Creature of God, Making No Demands and Requests of the Lord, and Being Able to Obey the Lord Truly

If we get a serious illness suddenly, we will ponder inside, “Why do I fall ill? Will I get cancer? If it is God’s way of punishing me, if He wants me to die, then I will submit. If it is God’s way of refining me and cleansing me, I am willing to accept such refinement.” Then we will pray to God in our minds, “Dear God, if You want me to die I will submit, and I guarantee I will have no complaints. I was created by You and I have done many things that do not conform to Your intentions, and I should receive punishment for this.”

After such a submissive prayer, we will be moved very much, and will not be so constrained by future and destiny. Furthermore, we will have the will of obeying God within, and will no longer make any demands on Him. Why can such prayers be effective? It is because we put our positions right. We are standing in our places as a creation of God and having a submissive heart to pray to and seek God. So, later on, before we pray, we should think first and be fully prepared. Regarding the difficulties we face and the things we need God to clarify for us, we should develop a simple outline of how we should seek help from God, how we should fellowship with God. And then, we should find a suitable opportunity and the appropriate environment to kneel before God and pray. This way, it shall be easy to quiet our hearts before God and receive the work of the Holy Spirit. Moreover, our spiritual life can continue to grow.

Sincerely yours,

Spiritual Q&A

[minnamarie1983-blog]

Bible verses for Thursday June 29,2017

Baptism bible verses Romans 6:4 We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. NIV Colossians 2:12 Having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through your faith in the working of God, who raised him from the dead. NIV 1 Peter 3:21 And this water symbolizes baptism that now saves you also – not the removal of dirt from the body but the pledge of a clear conscience toward God. It saves you by the resurrection of Jesus Christ NIV Ephesians 4:5 One Lord, one faith, one baptism NIV ==== Grace bible verses Ephesians 2:8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – NIV John 1:14 The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. NIV Titus 2:11 For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. NIV Ephesians 1:7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace NIV 2 Corinthians 1:2 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. NIV James 4:6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble and oppressed." NIV Romans 12:3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. NIV 1 Peter 4:10 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms. NIV 2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. NIV 2 Peter 3:18 But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen. NIV 2 Corinthians 13:14 May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. NIV Hebrews 4:16 Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. NIV 1 Corinthians 12:4 There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. NIV ==== Faith bible verses Romans 5:1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ NIV Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. NIV Romans 10:17 Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ. NIV Hebrews 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. NIV Galatians 3:26 So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith NIV John 14:12 Very truly I tell you, all who have faith in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. NIV James 2:1 My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. NIV Romans 1:17 For in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed – a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith." NIV Romans 1:12 That is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith. NIV 1 Timothy 4:12 Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. NIV Romans 1:8 First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for all of you, because your faith is being reported all over the world. NIV Romans 12:6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith NIV Romans 14:1 Accept those whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. NIV 1 Peter 1:9 For you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls. NIV 2 Peter 1:5 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge NIV Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. NIV 1 Thessalonians 5:16 Rejoice always NIV Mark 11:22 "Have faith in God," Jesus answered. NIV 2 Corinthians 5:7 We live by faith, not by sight. NIV ==== Joy bible verses John 16:24 Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete. NIV Psalms 95:1 Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. NIV James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds NIV Hebrews 12:2 Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. NIV Luke 1:14 He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth NIV Acts 20:24 However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me – the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace. NIV 3 John 1:3 It gave me great joy to have some believers come and testify to your faithfulness to the truth, telling how you continue to walk in it. NIV Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. NIV 2 Corinthians 2:3 I wrote as I did, so that when I came I would not be distressed by those who should have made me rejoice. I had confidence in all of you, that you would all share my joy. NIV Luke 2:10 But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people." NIV 3 John 1:4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. NIV 2 Timothy 1:4 Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy. NIV Psalms 16:11 You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. NIV Luke 15:7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent. NIV John 15:11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. NIV Luke 15:10 "In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." NIV ==== Romans bible verses Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God NIV Romans 10:9 If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. NIV Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. NIV Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. NIV Romans 12:1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is true worship. NIV Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. NIV Romans 5:1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ NIV Romans 8:1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus NIV Romans 10:13 For, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." NIV Romans 8:26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. NIV Romans 8:18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. NIV Romans 15:4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. NIV Romans 5:6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. NIV Romans 12:9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. NIV Romans 5:3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance NIV Romans 12:6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith NIV Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. NIV Romans 14:17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit NIV ==== Strength bible verses Philippians 4:13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength. NIV Ephesians 6:10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. NIV Isaiah 40:31 But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. NIV 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to us all. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. NIV Mark 12:30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' NIV 2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. NIV Deuteronomy 6:5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. NIV Luke 10:27 He answered, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself." NIV Psalms 19:14 May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. NIV 1 Timothy 1:12 I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. NIV 1 Peter 4:11 If you speak, you should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If you serve, you should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. NIV Psalms 18:2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. NIV 1 Corinthians 1:8 He will also keep you firm to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. NIV 1 Corinthians 16:13 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. NIV Jeremiah 9:23 This is what the LORD says: "Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches," NIV Isaiah 12:2 "Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation." NIV Hebrews 6:18 God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged. NIV Nahum 1:7 The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him NIV

[heyymonkey2]

First Night Back in Fuuga Chapter 17: The Art of Misleading

AO3 Link to Chapter 17

Summary: Secrets, a proposal, and the weight of two countries

Hak’s eyes flash as he turns to see Tae-Woo. It’s only moments since the princess left their morning encounter in the woods.

Tae-Woo approaches, red-faced and trying not to look at Hak, “The king called for the Wind’s troops to join at the border of Kai. Gramps thought I could catch up to warn you. Things are getting tense over there,” then with apology, “I didn’t mean to see.”

It’s the wavering voice of a boy trying to be respectful despite having just seen the image of his idol put into question.

Hak is mortified, embarrassed, not sure what to say, “...thanks for the message.”

Before, they might have joked around or caught up in this moment. Today, they stand in awkward silence. Tae-Woo finally turns and walks away with his head down.

Hak can’t leave it like this, calls after, “The princess and I’s relationship is complicated. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention this to Gramps.”

Tae-Woo’s eyes go wide at that thought, “Yeah, I’d… rather not, “ he stops, turns his face, “This is why only you can be her bodyguard and you won’t come back?”

“Mm,” Hak confirms with a grunt.

“Going that far could get you both into a lot of trouble, Lord Hak.”

Argh, so complicated, but Hak can’t explain, “...that’s true.”

“Pretty soon she’s probably gonna have to marry some important person’s son or something, right?”

Hak also cannot answer that.

“You should still think about coming back. Some other guy is gonna take your place with her. But no one can be who you are to the Wind Tribe.”

For a split second that stings Hak -- old insecurities die hard. He exhales in defeat, then lies, “I’ll think about it.”

Hak gives Tae-Woo a parting fistbump while secretly cursing this secrecy crap in his head. And that he can’t put his brand all over a certain troublesome, intoxicating, “out-of-his-reach” redhead.

“Thank you,” Yona whispers with embarrassment to Jae-Ha as they ride with the Dark Dragon and the rest of the Happy Hungry Bunch into Saika. He had suggested she ride side-saddle when he noticed her wince in pain during mounting. Riding astride was only going exacerbate the issue with every step. He also took off his overcoat so she could use it as a cushion for her bottom. Ever the gentleman. A very experienced gentleman.

Jae-Ha very much enjoys imagining what happened to make her so sore. Hak, that animal. So shy with her all these years, then the second she’s his… my, my. As his indecent smile only grows...

Fucking the princess against a tree?! Hak seriously questions what the hell has gotten into him as he rides alongside everyone. He lost his mind back there. If he had thought he was at her mercy before, well then, now he really has something to think about. He glances over at the small woman watching forward majestically on Jae-Ha’s horse, head held confidently, red waves now down to just below her shoulders. There is no other woman like this one.

And he had been a virgin, too, you know. Since experiencing sex with her… it’s been hard to think about anything else. She should really take care of herself, though. I know that was hurting her, he grumbles internally. Maybe he needs to be more clear she doesn’t need to push herself for his sake. Maybe he needs to be stronger about playing his part in keeping their relationship invisible. Tae-Woo seeing that was troublesome enough.

Between winces, Yona glances over and wonders why Hak is cringing. Jae-Ha sees it too and lets his imagination go wild.

“We were overjoyed when we heard you were alive,” Kyo-Ga welcomes the princess with what would appear to be warm affection. She’s guarded with her trust of anyone connected to Soo-Won these days, though the welcome at Saika Castle this afternoon has been grand and respectful.

“The peace negotiations with Xing have revealed a wealth of potential for Kouka,” Kyo-Ga continues, glancing over at Shin-Ah, Zeno, Kija, and Jae-Ha, of whom through Tae-Jun he’s heard stories of great strength though not of their otherworldly powers, “And to have your warriors fight alongside the Fire Tribe’s troops, we are honored.”

Seated across from Yona, he takes a drink, his eyes falling on Hak over his glass. Yona’s dark-haired companion stands at the perimeter of the great room watching the scene with piercing eyes. While news of the princess’ survival spread like a joyous wildfire after Xing, any official commentaries on her bodyguard, rumored kidnapper and murderer of King Il, were snuffed out… leaving many with lingering suspicion.

Kyo-Ga confides to Yona, “While I know the king waits for you to join his side at the border with Kai, I want you to know that you are always welcome to the comfort of our castle here in Saika.”

“I appreciate that, thank you. Though I’m most comfortable visiting each tribe in my country and learning the struggles of the people directly.”

“...it’s clear why my brother is so taken with you.”

“Tae-Jun has become a great man for this tribe,” Yona offers sincerely, only to look up and see him standing there with tears in his eyes.

“Your Highness…”

Yona rises and hugs Tae-Jun, to everyone in the room’s surprise. A curious smile rises on Kyo-Ga’s face while Hak for the first time averts his gaze to an opposite wall.

“Perhaps a more private reunion is in order?” Jae-Ha chimes in after noticing Kyo-Ga eyeing Hak and Hak looking away from Tae-Jun, “A walk in the garden? The princess could use some fresh air. Me too, for that matter.”

“The beacon worked!” Tae-Jun is overjoyed as he walks alongside Yona, still wildly emotional just by being near her, “As soon as I heard that peace was reached with Xing -- though I never doubted Your Highness for a moment -- but to hear you succeed at saving thousands of lives… I am in constant awe.”

“It wouldn’t have been possible without your help, Tae-Jun,” Yona beams back, “It delayed Soo-Won long enough for the Wind Tribe to create a peaceful atmosphere with Xing,” she flashes bright eyes back at Hak who follows directly behind with Jae-Ha, then, “By the time the king arrived, it was clear war would have been exorbitant.”

With sincere worry, “Are you sure you want to go to Kai, Your Highness?”

‘You’ll be there too, right?”

“Yes, alongside my brother and our troops. But now that your identity is known… I worry about your safety. I know how passionately you serve your subjects, but I can’t bear to imagine…”

Yona places a hand on Tae-Jun’s hands clutched against his chest in dread, “I need to do this.”

He nods understanding, then suddenly meets eyes with Hak, who looks murderous.

“My apologies! I know… you two…”

“No, no, no… no, no,” Jae-ha inserts, “That didn’t work out. Very sensitive subject,” then whispers in Yona's ear, “Dear, Hak and I need to discuss an important matter. We’ll be right back,“ then takes her hand from on Tae-Jun’s, gives it a gentle peck, and then walks away signaling Hak follow.

Hak, of course, does not follow, so Jae-Ha ends up practically dragging him away.

Tae-Jun and Yona are left in a mild wtf was that situation. Yona picks the conversation back up, “To be honest… I’m worried that this war with Kai is my fault. To prevent one war, I’ve caused another.”

“War with Kai was imminent, Your Highness,” Tae-Jun comforts.

“If I’d had a chance to speak with Li Hazara this time--”

“Your Majesty!” Tae-Jun is now desperate, “You must not--”

“I’m so sorry!” Yona remembers the death of Tae-Jun’s father Soo-Jin in the failed coup d'etat with Li Hazara, “I spoke before thinking... now forcing you and your brother to face him again,” she feels awful.

Her pain troubles Tae-Jun further, “Forgive me for doing this, Your Majesty, but I care for you too deeply. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t make this known to you,” he gets down onto one knee holding her hand -- Hak watches in shock from afar with Jae-Ha pressing his dragon’s foot into Hak’s foot to hold him put -- Tae-Jun professes, “You are the most precious gem in this kingdom. Through cruel injustice you have been forced to travel in discomfort and rogue company, challenged with meeting unreasonable and ruthless leaders. I cannot bear the thought of one of them laying harm to you… if at any point your heart is moved to this end, I would welcome you to live here with me in comfort. I could provide for you a life almost matching what you once had. You would still be able to visit your subjects. I would be supportive of and faithful to you in every way.”

Yona’s draw is dropped. She immediately glances over at Hak and shakes her head “no” for please don’t come over here and kill this man. The aura of the fury of the Dark Dragon can be felt all the way from where she’s standing. Jae-Ha is amused but getting a no-joke workout.

Yona then looks back down at Tae-Jun, “I’m touched by how you see me, Tae-Jun. I can assure you I’m a more difficult girl to care for than you might imagine. But I’ll carry your words with me and honor them by doing my best to stay safe on my journeys.”

He rises, still glowing toward her, “As long as my feelings are known to you and you always remember you have a home here, then I am happy.”

Soo-Won walks through the Sky Tribe’s camp at the border with Kai. Keishuk and Joo-Doh walk in pace behind him and altogether they are one regal, frightening trio.

They pass by tent after tent after tent, thousands of men camped, preparing weapons, training. Li Hazara better be prepared, because it looks like Kouka is ready for a serious war.

As Soo-Won makes the round into his personal tent, he finds Lili waiting for him there. Keishuk and Joo-Doh’s eyes go wide -- how. Inappropriate.

“Why did you ask for me to come in here?” Lili complains.

Keishuk and Joo-Doh look at each other to make sure they’re both hearing this.

“If you’ll please excuse us,” Soo-Won asks innocently.

The two men leave in mutual frustration. This frickin’ king.

“I wanted to ask you about Min-Soo,” Soo-Won explains, “And ask if any of the men here are giving you a hard time.”

Lili is surprised by both inquiries, “You don’t need to worry about me…”

“You’re the only girl in a group of ten thousand plus men, don’t get the wrong idea. I’m thinking of your father.”

“Ho,” Lili raises her eyebrows, “I’ve been able to take care of myself just fine. Want me to send a letter to inform my father?”

Totally ignoring all her sass, “I’d like you to draft a letter calling Min-Soo here.”

“Huh?”

“A favor.”

“Ok…” Lili watches him leave just like that. Argh, this guy is infuriating! She wanted to at least ask him about Yona getting here...

The Fire Tribe leaders begged Yona and her bunch to stay at Saika Castle for the night, but she declined… citing she really needs to get to the Kai border asap. And though she didn’t mention it, somehow she’s even more comfortable sleeping in the wilderness these days. Just she and her boys and the moon.

They left in two groups -- the first to set camp up -- Hak, Kija, Yun, and Shin-Ah -- and the second to finish up alignments in Saika -- Yona, Jae-Ha, and Zeno.

Yona is on horseback with Jae-Ha when they hear it -- a child crying. They quickly ride toward the sound to find a little dark-haired boy and his mother huddled against a tree.

“Are you alright?” Yona reaches out to them.

For the longest time they are reluctant to speak. Seeing their distress, Yona offers them her coat and the little food they have on them. After an hour of quiet sitting and occasional comforting smiles, the mother finally confides, “We’re from Kai.”

Yona looks to Zeno and Jae-Ha, the weight of this falling on them.

“How did you end up so far away from home?”

“We live near the border. The troops have been camped out there for days. Thousands of men, with weapons that look like…” there is true terror in this mother’s eyes.

Yona runs a caring hand over the small child’s head, then looks into the mother’s eyes, “You were trying to get him away from the war?”

She nods.

“When is the last time you ate?”

The mother looks at Yona in a way that she immediately understands. Too long.

Yona turns to Zeno, “Take them to Tae-Jun. Tell him it’s for me. He’ll take care of them.”

Zeno nods, “Of course, Little Miss,” and offers them up onto his horse.

Before they leave, the mother, clutching her child, meets eyes with Yona -- eternally grateful for this kindness. For saving them.

As Yona heads to camp with Jae-Ha, she starts sobbing between his arms. He moves the reins into one hand and uses his free arm to pull her close against him, “My dear, it’s alright.”

“This is my fault. And I’m not sure how to stop it this time.”

All the masculinity in Jae-Ha screams for him to kiss the top of her head, to pull her into his arms and make her forget about her pain, but he abstains, “We’ll do whatever we can to help the people on both sides.”

“I’m not like him, Jae-Ha. He’s always thinking so far ahead. I just see the person crying in front of me and help them, not realizing who it might cost down the road.”

This angers Jae-Ha, he knows who the "he" she's talking about is and he's glad she's nothing like "him," “There’s rarely a cost down the road. What you do is beautiful, Dear, the most beautiful…,” he stops himself again, rephrases, “Never change. Never question the value of you.”

When Jae-Ha and Yona arrive at their little camp for the night, Hak is waiting for them, all nerves. When he sees Yona’s tear-strewn face, he’s hit with a painful shock.

“What happened?!”

“Give me a second,” Jae-Ha pleads. He gets her into her tent, takes his coat off of her, and looks into her eyes, “I find rules to be too restrictive in life. So you tell me -- do you need him tonight?”

Within moments, Jae-Ha is walking out of the tent to Hak. When he stops, he begs in a command, “Comfort her.”

[ivy72376]

NO DOUBLE STANDARD - July 5, 2020

No better words could sustain the human spirit more than the words of our Lord Jesus Christ, some of the most profound and timeless of which are found in today’s Word in the gospel of Matthew chapter 7.

 The first five verses address the core of the matter—what is in our hearts.  Too often, we only see the faults in others, and if we see they fail or stumble, instead of trying to understand and to pray for them, we are so easily tempted to think that maybe there is something wrong that they have done, that is why misfortune is upon them.  Oftentimes we fail to realize that we are all fallible human beings, each of us have our own strengths and weaknesses, beauty and ugliness in the physical and emotional aspects.  Our Lord calls that with a harsh word—hypocrisy—and it may indeed be offensive, but as His children, who go through life being called by His Name, we should pay attention to our motivations too.  We cannot impute on others the wrong or the bad we ourselves are trying to hide.  That is, we have to clean the planks on our own eyes, before we point out the little mote in others.

 Verse 6 is something that tells us not to waste precious time on things that will have no value.  How do we spend our days? Do we spend it increasing in learning and wisdom, or do we fill the hours away in mindless escapism through social media and games?  Do we live our lives pursuing things that will last and endure, or do we epitomize YOLO, and think that we must gain all the happiness we can now like there is no tomorrow.  Alas, there is still tomorrow.  And if we are blessed to be able to live beyond the grave, there is eternity to contend with.  And where do we go from there, according to the Word and even other philosophies for those who do not believe the Word, is determined by how we live now.

 Verses 7 to 12 tells our that all we need we have to ask, precisely because we can do nothing of our own, while we have a good GOD who is willing to give us what we ask, for our good and the good of those around us.  Instead of constantly complaining and whining about the sad state our country and our world is in right now, maybe we should take this time to pray and ask GOD for more. He is the origin of the word UNLI—He has unlimited power, He has unlimited provision, He has unlimited patience to guide us and see us through, and to shower us with His grace and mercy that gets renewed day by day.

 Verses 13 to 23 warns us against following the crowds of this world.  Too often, they only lead to something which is not good.  And the worst part of it is that if a person is gullible enough and lacks discernment to determine right from wrong, or to read the person who is trying to convince them to go on one direction, that person will be led astray, and worse, will be harmed and destroyed.  It doesn’t take a superpower to know if one should like or follow a lead, or like social media, to know if it is just worthless click-bait that will open your account to hacking and viruses.  Our Lord said, “…to know them by their fruits.”  Meaning that in life, always, we need to do a background check. Does that person who is trying to recruit you to a money-making opportunity ‘legit’, or is that just a pyramid scheme meant to lure from you your hard-earned income?  Is that person who professes love and affection to you really sincere, or will that person in the future push you away when your use and service grow stale?  Is that new work or new opportunity one that will really sustain you and your loved ones through the long haul, or will that only lead to you compromising your values and your faith?  Is that belief or philosophy or ideology that some people are trying to sell to you, really good and just, or is that just made to coerce you to bondage and servitude to lost causes that will only take your freedom and your life away?  Truly, “wide is the gate, and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it…and…small is the gate, and narrow is the way that leads to life, and only a few find it.”

 Verses 24 to 27 then records Jesus telling us that if we put into practice the things we hear from Him, it will be like building our house upon the rock, which cannot be shaken even with floods and storm.  But if we do not put them into practice, when trials come, the house we have built on the sand will be destroyed and ruined.

 This is quite a challenge for one such as me, for I am primarily a visual person.  Good thing we have the written Word, because even if I listen to sermons or messages week in and week out, I still cannot remember many of them enough to apply them to daily life.  But if there is a chance like this to read GOD’s Word every day, then there is a greater chance of seeing the spoken word firsthand, then being able to visualize them in the head, and a higher probability of remembering them after so many years later on.

 And lastly, we have the last two verses in the chapter which says that Jesus Christ was a credible and believable teacher of these truths from the Father, because He shows authority, “not as the scribes”.  I wondered why the Word was stated so, until I learned what scribes do.  They were indeed those people in ancient times who write the laws of the Torah on tablets and parchments, and recite them to the people, but often without much conviction, for they are only reading from the page.  And when people examine their lives, they too cannot comply or were not able to live up to what the law has stated.  It kind of reminds us of many people today, where some commented, “do as I say, but do not do what I do.”  Jesus had authority because He lived what He preached.  And this is the easiest way to learn if what we heard is true or not, and if we allow ourselves to be led by it.  We have to know if the person who says something truly lives up to or can be really seen as trying to, do what they are telling others to do also.  We can know them by their fruits, and that is what our Savior and Lord tells us to watch out for.

 In this life, and in every day that we struggle to live through its many challenges, we can only have hope and peace if we do as what the Lord tells us to do, and if we do them as we say them to others.  There is no double standard with GOD, and so there mustn’t be in our lives too.

[comebeforegod]

Why Doesn’t God Answer My Prayers?

I pray to the Lord every day, and especially the morning prayer and evening prayer, are essential parts of my everyday life.

 Moreover, I constantly persist in doing it like this. But many times, even though I pray to the Lord, I am unable to feel Him, and I obviously feel that the Lord doesn’t hear my prayers. Having prayed for many years, yet I feel that my life has no progress or change. Therefore, I have no faith unknowingly. I don’t know why is this so. Can you tell me how to pray in accord with the Lord’s will?

The situation you said is generally existing in our church. Why does the Lord not hear our prayers? As for the reason why, mostly, it is because our prayers are not in accord with the Lord’s will. To understand how to pray in line with the Lord’s will, we firstly need to know what types of prayers are not commended by the Lord. Next, let’s seek and discuss it together. May the Lord lead us!

1. Half-hearted Prayers Can’t Be Heard by the Lord

Sometimes when we wake up, we may pray like this, “God, today, I commit my entire day to You. I am willing to let You guide me throughout the day. Please watch over me so I do not encounter any evil or temptation. Let me live in the radiance of Your countenance. May God bless me. Amen!”

We also often pray in this way, “Jehovah God, You are the Creator of the heavens and earth and all things. You control human destiny. Lord Jesus, You are our Savior. You shed Your blood on the cross to cleanse us of our sins. You no longer see us as sinners. You see us as righteous. Therefore, you do not define our misdeeds as sins. No matter how corrupt we are or how we sin, You forgive us. Lord Jesus! Your words are our guiding light. You are our everything. You are our Lord. We are Your sheep. You watch over and keep us every day. You bless our parents, our children and our families.” However, though we kneel down, our mouths speaking unceasingly, yet our hearts are closed to God, and what we say is not what is in our hearts. We are just talking to ourselves, talking into thin air. We don’t care at all whether the Lord is pleased with it. So, even though we pray once in the morning and once in the evening, and sometimes we even pray for one or two hours, we have no results at all.

Our half-hearted prayers are not heard by the Lord, because we are deceiving Him. It is said in the Book of Isaiah, “For as much as this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honor me, but have removed their heart far from me” (Isaiah 29:13). Because such prayers are not devout, and we don’t treat the Lord as the Lord should be treated, but treat Him as if He were empty air, thus we can’t receive the work of Holy Spirit, nor do we have the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit. As a result, though we have prayed to the Lord for many years, we have produced nothing. We still live in the state of sinning each day and confessing each night. We can neither see any changes to our life disposition nor live out the decorum of the saints.

2. Going Through the Motions of Praying to the Lord Is Not Heard by Him

Sometimes we rush to do things or to go to work, and even if we pray, we are going through the motions. For example, sometimes we pray like this, “God, I entrust You with this matter. I entrust You with my children and parents. I entrust You with everything. God, please bless and protect me. Amen!” Our prayer is as quick as a rabbit. Our hearts are impatient. The prayer consists of only a few sentences and it is over. Sometimes we pray to the Lord thanking Him for the food, but we have to rush off to work, so we pray quickly, “God, You have blessed me with this meal. You have given me this meal. I will never forget Your grace. I will not forget your love for me. I pray in the Lord Jesus’ name, Amen!” We speak some words in a hurry and the prayer is over again. There are also times when we realize our children don’t obey us, we close our eyes and pray, “Lord, I entrust this child to You. I cannot discipline him. He does not obey me. I give the child to You. Lord, You are almighty. I pray in the name of the Lord Jesus. Amen!” But after prayer, we go our own way. Such prayers are going through the motions. God says, “People believe in God, love God, and satisfy God by touching the Spirit of God with their heart, thereby obtaining His satisfaction; when engaging with God’s words with their heart, they are therefore moved by the Spirit of God.” We don’t use our hearts to pray but go through the formalities, and if we always pray in this way, our prayers will become religious ceremony, which is going through the motions for the Lord, is deceiving the Lord, and can only be despised by God.

3. Praying With a Tone of Doubt Is Not Heard by the Lord

Each of us believers longs for the Lord’s coming. Sometimes we may pray like this, “O God, You promised to lead us into the kingdom of heaven and reveal Yourself to us. You promised to raise us up to meet with You in the air. Why haven’t You honored this promise yet after all this time? Why is this?” When we are sick, if our illness is not be healed, we will pray, “O Lord, I rely on You truly. Why do You not heal my illness?” When we quarrel with someone, or somebody bullies us, we will pray, “O Lord, this man is so wicked. Why do you not discipline or punish him?”

This type of prayer is also not approved by the Lord. Why do we say so? Because when we pray like this, we are questioning God and treating God as our equal. God is the Creator while we are created beings. We can never be equal with God. If we talk to the Creator like that, our relationship with the Lord is improper. Besides, we will never receive the Lord’s approval.

4. Praying With Motivations to Make Deals With the Lord Is Not Heard by Him

There are many behaviors like that. For example, when we fall ill, we will pray in this way, “Oh God! You must save me! I beg You to get rid of this illness, to get rid of this cup of suffering as soon as possible! You must cure me.” Sometimes when we face disasters, we may pray, “God, if You save me and keep me from disaster, if You don’t let me die, I will offer my whole being to You.” When we sink into spiritual darkness or are incapable of feeling the Lord, we will pray, “O Lord, I’ve believed in You for twenty or thirty years and sacrificed much for You! I gave up a good job for You! I didn’t earn any money for twenty plus years! I’ve eaten bland food and worn ordinary clothes! I’ve suffered persecution, tribulation, ridicule and slander, all for Your sake! Today, I hope You can raise me into the kingdom of heaven when you return, but I’ve already waited all of these years without hearing anything or feeling anything from You. Lord, have You forsaken me? If You really have forsaken me, then You have no credibility!”

The above types of prayers don’t conform to the Lord’s intentions. Why is it said that such prayers are not approved by Him?

The reason why we pray in such way is because we want to use God to achieve our own ends, want to use our exertions and spreading the gospel, our sufferings, and the price we pay to exchange His blessings, to avoid disasters and enter the kingdom of heaven. We are making deals with God. When our intentions are wrong, people can see through us, no matter what we say. Thus, it’s even easier for God to figure it out by searching our hearts. In addition, as we don’t have true communion with God, our actions can’t accord with God’s will, and we don’t have a proper relationship with Him, prayers like these are not accepted by God. Just as the Lord Jesus said, “Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in your name? and in your name have cast out devils? and in your name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess to them, I never knew you: depart from me, you that work iniquity!” (Matthew 7:22-23).

Since the above are all not approved by the Lord, then how do we pray to conform to His will?

1. Quieting Our Hearts Before the Lord, Speaking the Words in Our Hearts, and Bringing Our Actual Difficulties Before the Lord

For example, when we realize our children don’t obey us, we can pray in this way, “Lord! Nowadays raising a child is too difficult. Without the truth I cannot teach the child, and the child won’t obey me! O Lord, humans are created by You. You gave me this child. Truly I see now that I don’t have the truth, nor am I what should be as a human, and I have no way to teach the child. I entrust this child to You and I am willing to rely on You to teach him!”

We already have enough money to get by, but we still want to earn more and enjoy more. We may pray to the Lord, “God, I now see that my heart is very covetous of wealth. Others are all able to forsake everything and be content with clothes on their back and the food on their plate. Why can’t I be content? Why do I still cling to wealth in my heart? Please God, I ask You to save me! I don’t care if You discipline me or if You use some other method, it’s all okay.”

Sometimes, we see some illegal actions of the pastors and elders, but we can’t see through them. Then, we can pray to God, “God, Your words reveal the Pharisees, but I cannot see through them clearly. On the outside they seem very devout, why can’t I see their essential hypocrisy? Especially their essential hatred of the truth, I can’t see through to that. So, in my heart I have always looked up to them and I always wanted to ask them if I came across problems. I also feel this is incorrect, but why can’t I let it go? Why am I unable to see through to their inner nature and forsake them in my heart?” Isn’t through this way of praying that we quiet ourselves before the Lord and converse with Him earnestly? It is just like how we would have a heart-to-heart talk with another person. In both cases, we are speaking from the heart, and we speak out our greatest problems. When God sees these, He will know we’re sincere and not trying to fool Him or sweet-talk and deceive Him. Then the Holy Spirit will do His work. So, after praying, we’ll feel brightened in our hearts, as if a burden has been lifted.

2. Praying to the Lord as a Creature of God, Making No Demands and Requests of the Lord, and Being Able to Obey the Lord Truly

If we get a serious illness suddenly, we will ponder inside, “Why do I fall ill? Will I get cancer? If it is God’s way of punishing me, if He wants me to die, then I will submit. If it is God’s way of refining me and cleansing me, I am willing to accept such refinement.” Then we will pray to God in our minds, “Dear God, if You want me to die I will submit, and I guarantee I will have no complaints. I was created by You and I have done many things that do not conform to Your intentions, and I should receive punishment for this.”

After such a submissive prayer, we will be moved very much, and will not be so constrained by future and destiny. Furthermore, we will have the will of obeying God within, and will no longer make any demands on Him. Why can such prayers be effective? It is because we put our positions right. We are standing in our places as a creation of God and having a submissive heart to pray to and seek God. So, later on, before we pray, we should think first and be fully prepared. Regarding the difficulties we face and the things we need God to clarify for us, we should develop a simple outline of how we should seek help from God, how we should fellowship with God. And then, we should find a suitable opportunity and the appropriate environment to kneel before God and pray. This way, it shall be easy to quiet our hearts before God and receive the work of the Holy Spirit. Moreover, our spiritual life can continue to grow.

[thecelibateshoewhore]

I'm Not Going to Church Because...

*This post was originally written two years, although it was never published. Certain elements have been updated to reflect more current events.*

“Little children (believers, dear ones), let us not love [merely in theory] with word or tongue [giving lip service to compassion], but in action and in truth [in practice and in sincerity, because practical acts of love are more than words]” (1 John 3:18 AMP).

 Two years ago, the hashtag #ImNotGoingToChurchBecause was a trending topic on Twitter, with a number of people offering reasons for why attending church or believing in God is unnecessary. Ironically, this occurred the day after our current imbecile-in-chief took over the White House. Due to the sensitive nature of the topic, I’ve cropped the usernames from the screenshots below:

Normally, I wouldn’t pay attention to such a thing because arguing (or debating) with atheists, agnostics or apatheists over social media does nothing for the body of Christ. (True witnessing occurs face-to-face and must be accompanied by another believer who is praying while the other is speaking). I guess what surprised me is that this kind of talk gained enough momentum to become a trending topic because I thought this discussion was stale. I was also surprised that many of those who were tweeting had once believed in God or considered themselves Christians at some point. This sentiment also appeared on the heels of Kim Burrell’s infamous New Year’s Eve sermon about gays and Bishop and Eddie Long’s {abrupt} passing — the latter once being accused of sexual impropriety.

However, in light of more recent events — Vicki Yohe accusing Pastor David E. Taylor of being a cult leader and womanizer; Pastor John Gray purchasing a $200,000 Lamborghini for his wife, Aventer, after allegedly cheating and paying off the mistress(es); and Andrea Garrison accusing Bishop Victor Couzens of philandering and later blackmailing her with an unauthorized explicit video recording of herself (NYPD later issued a warrant for Couzens for aggravated harassment in November 2018) — the anti-Christian/anti-church movement has once again gathered enough ammunition and its supporters are in full attack mode. (Both Gray and Couzens also received backlash for participating in the infamous White House meeting with Donald Trump and several other black clergymen). While I don’t agree with the premise, I understand the frustration that many people are having with the church, especially the black church. Many opponents of Christianity or “organized religion” feel as though they’ve been oppressed by an institution that thrives on hypocrisy. That is, what is often preached isn’t necessarily followed by the preachers of the gospel.

I’m not here to make excuses. Some Christians and churches have forgotten the most important principle of our faith: to love God and love {His} people. I’ll be the first to tell you that I don’t speak for every church because every {physical} church isn’t representative of the body of Christ. It disheartens me when anyone’s faith is incapacitated by the actions of a fellow believer. The Bible even warns us about allowing our fellow brethren to stumble or lose faith: “But you must be careful so that your freedom does not cause others with a weaker conscience to stumble” (1 Corinthians 8:9). Although this scripture applies to matters of indifference when it comes to eating or abstaining from meat that was sacrificed to idols, the point is very clear. As disciples of Christ, we are not to conduct ourselves in a manner that will cause others to lose or question their faith. Let me add that this is not an endorsement to turn a blind eye to any kind of sin. It’s harder for people like me to share the love of God when so many people have a blanket distrust of all Christians. For whatever reason.

These days, a lot of folks are suffering – both inside and outside of the church. Quite frankly, many of them are dead — spiritually, mentally, financially, etc. Their lives are not bearing any fruit. They are angry at God. They feel as though they’ve been let down by God. They question His validity or if He even exists. And it doesn’t help when members of the body of the Christ fail to demonstrate the love of Jesus Christ by showing compassion to those who have questions and/or are struggling. (I’ve been guilty of this). There are those who recover from rock bottom only to forget what it felt like when they were at their lowest point. I’m not one to count anyone’s coins or sins, and no one is perfect, but several leaders in the body of Christ have taken on a carnal approach to living due to the fact that their popularity has made them celebrities in their own right.

I don’t proclaim to have all of the answers. I only want to do my part in sharing and interpreting the Word of God for His people. This post is not for the atheist, agnostic or apatheist. (But if you know one, feel free to share this anyway). This post is for the believers who are struggling with their faith. This post is for the believers who are questioning the validity or necessity of {attending} church. This post is for the believers who feel as though the church has wronged them in some way:

First, as with any decision that you make, your faith in God begins with YOU.  

Is there hypocrisy within the church? Yes. Is there greed {propelled by prosperity preaching} within the church? Absolutely. Now, this is going to sound a bit harsh, but: what does any of this have to do with your salvation and personal relationship with Jesus Christ? Like a hospital, the church is for those who are sick and in need of {spiritual} healing. For me, it’s a place to disconnect from the world and allow my soul to be refreshed. I don’t know anyone who would outright refuse treatment or physician care from a hospital simply because malpractice exists. There are many who will claim to be of God. It’s up to us to determine their validity through what the Bible calls the “testing of the spirits” (1 John 4:1). If, at any time, you feel like your spirit is not properly nurtured at a particular place of worship, you are under no obligation to stay. I’m not talking about shallow differences, either. For some of you, one sermon convicting your personal beliefs, or the praise team not singing your favorite song, is enough for you to be done with church. LOL! I’m talking about real inconsistencies and blatant disregard for God and His word.

 Second, fellowship – first with God and then with other believers – is the cornerstone of Christianity. If you’ve ever found yourself saying, “God knows my heart. I don’t need church to have a relationship with God,” consider yourself out of alignment. While church attendance isn’t required to believe in God, if you profess that you believe in and belong to Christ, you should have a desire to worship God and connect with others who share your faith. Although we no longer need a high priest in the temple to present our sacrifices and prayers to God, attending church is God’s will for His beloved. Hebrews 10:25 tells us that we shouldn’t stop meeting with one another, especially during the approach of end times. The examples set forth in Acts 2:42, 46 remind us of the devotion that early believers had to regularly meeting, teaching, fellowshipping and breaking bread with one another.

As a believer, you will never reach spiritual maturity unless you have a place to connect, serve and GROW with other like-minded believers. Your {spiritual} gifts have a place in ministry and in the church. In order for the body of Christ to function properly, all of its parts/members must be present. You never know what encouragement or assistance you can provide. You never know who hasn’t experienced deliverance or breakthrough because you’re the door that God assigned to restore them. Email me or share your thoughts below regarding the current landscape of the church.

 I love you.

 xo,

thecelibateshoewhore

 “The Lord will lead you. He himself is with you. He will not fail you or leave you. Don’t worry. Don’t be afraid!” (Deuteronomy 31:8 ERV).