#'why is all the art/music you post pretentious?' because I am pretentious <3 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sexychicazombiegirl · 2 months ago

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🦉Positivity owl reporting for duty! This was sent by a friend who wants you to smile as much as your posts make them smile. Please list five things that make you unique, four things you are super passionate about and why, OR three of your favorite memories. Feel free to send the owl to those who you feel deserve to smile🦉

Fuck it!! Ummm:

1. I’m 5’10” and enjoy wearing platform boots, idc. I will never blend in no matter how hard I have tried.

2. I am surrounded by cornfields, dairy’s, cotton, and dirt. My small “city” hosts an annual cotton parade every year. It’s the biggest event of the season, right behind the Christmas Parade. Numerous farming tractors and huge agricultural devices participate in the parades, as well as the garbage truck.

3. I’m an insomniac and I have an awful sleeping schedule, as well as an obsession with coffee and energy drinks. I used to be afraid of falling asleep because I would have intense nightmares of entities and being possessed. I’ve had sleep paralysis in which my history of self harm resurfaced in. It was very painful.

4. I used to read a lot when I was younger; I could finish a book within a day if uninterrupted. If I wasn’t disassociating or daydreaming, I was reading or listening to music. I used everything from art to smut to escape my tumultuous existence. These days, I’m more self-aware and I’m actually trying to live my life. However, I have a pile of books I’ve been meaning to read…

5. I am the only one in my family to dress “alternatively” and I stick out like a sore thumb. Ive always dressed the way I wanted and was even nominated for best dressed in high school. I lost that to someone who was actually very stylish.

As for my Passions:

1. I am extremely passionate about creating art. Art has saved my life in so many ways and I know many people can identify with that. I have sacrificed many things for my art and it’s the only thing I have in my miserable pathetic existence that gives me purpose. The number one person I create art for is myself. I owe this to my inner child.

2. I love connecting with people through my art. The media I consumed when I was younger helped distract me from all of the horrors of my reality. It inspired me to make my own stories. If the things that I make is able to replicate that very same feeling in other people, then I would have come full circle.

3. I am a hopeless romantic, I know that sound corny as fuuuqqqqq but it’s true. There are too many relationships that I’ve witnessed in my short life that fill me with dread and hopelessness. If I had to chose between what was offered and being alone forever, I’d die touch-starved but content. But if I had the opportunity to love someone and to be loved, unconditionally, passionately, and deeply, I’d crawl on my hands and knees for you. I’d wash your feet with my hair. I’d write you poetry and paint you, give you flowers whenever I could, I’d eat everything you are, all the fat and cartilage and toughness. You are water to my dry mouth. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN JESUS.

4. I am passionate about the unconventional, the contradictions, the unpalatable, the uncomfortable. Things that people usually have a hard time existing in. I don’t want to sound like some pretentious, edgelord jackass, but my art and my interests surround thoughts of self harm, deprivation, discipline and pain. Self harm can exist as depriving yourself of food, of cleanliness, of love, of touch, etc. I am just so full of pain!!! I don’t know how Jesus doesnt hate his father!!!

Might as well discuss the memories:

1. One of my favorite memories are of my friends in the eighth grade. I had the most fun I had ever had with those two. One of them had passed over 5 years ago and the other is a mother to 3 children. I can still hear their laughs. Gone like tears in the rain.

2. I guess it’s more like a feeling then a memory, but I miss the excitement I used to get as a kid. I would wake up to my mom cleaning and the front door open. It would be fall then, and the fresh cool air would deep in as I logged into my laptop to watch ledamonsterbunny. I would cut and dye my hair with my mom and watch YouTube videos in class with my friends. I haven’t had a crush since middle school. I do not miss the hormones though, nasty stuff. I was very unwell.

3. I miss being able to go shopping with my Grandma. I miss hanging out with her. I look at all of the videos I took of her and still feel like she was never real. I do dream of her from time to time! AND! I’ve just recently found a ring of hers that I thought I lost forever!!! She’s a part of my favorite memories, along with my Grampa making snow cones for me and my siblings and cousins.

#journal #ask #I’m crying in the club #I will be sending this around soon 😈

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aratinatophat · 2 years ago

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I posted 4,403 times in 2022

That's 4,155 more posts than 2021!

208 posts created (5%)

4,195 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@transs3xualmagg0t

@ukulelekatie

@lobster-child

@xxriotgrrrlb0yxx

I tagged 849 of my posts in 2022

#tophat talks - 40 posts

#mecore - 22 posts

#art - 17 posts

#myart - 17 posts

#bowuigi - 14 posts

#blorbo - 13 posts

#digtal art - 13 posts

#artists on tumblr - 12 posts

#prev tags - 10 posts

#oc - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#anyways i’m going to stop because i am imagining myself as a drunken guy you’d probably meet in a pub somewhere just rambling about whatever

My Top Posts in 2022:

Hey tumbleeesss how you tumbling, it’s time for your randomly dished out dose of my silly little art!

Ok so, this time I did a little bit of a challenge, I saw this on Drawfee. I’m sure you know who they are but if you don’t they’re this art challenge channel with great, lovely personalities they all seem really cool and not to brag but Jacob once liked my art on Twitter, I know, I know, I’m so cool but anyways.

The main gist of this challenge is:

You roll your music playlist, the first song is one character. You roll it again and the second song is a second character. AND THEN, THE 3RD SONG IS THEIR RELATIONSHIP. This can be platonic, romantic, indifferent etc etc but it’s so fun!

So this is what I rolled:

1: Clown by Updog

2: The Fall by Lovejoy

3: Tranz by Gorillaz

I had to figure out what all of these very different songs meant, how to turn them into characters, and how those characters/relationship look/feel like.

Clown is about this guy calling out this other obviously pretentious guy. So I started to think, who would call someone out no matter what, who would know so much about someone to be able to do that. Maybe a childhood friend? But that doesn’t give me a lot to work with. I’d watched a Monster Camp playthrough recently, the guy in it romanced the death reaper, so THAT got me thinking. I ended up settling on this clown (get it? Like the song name) demon who takes souls to the afterlife via travelling through their whole lives with them.

There’s the character designnnnn I love it it’s so cute yet menacing, NOW ONWARD TO THE FALL.

The fall was a bit more easier as I’d started to imagine it as a character before. It mainly helped with the colours but it also helped with the current falls “origins”. Tw for abuse for this next section, I’ll put it in red and make it small so you can skip it. So my idea for the fall was an abused person going on a roadtrip to nostalgic places as a break from their current toxic relationship. The nostalgic road trip backfires though and just reignites disgusted and angry feelings towards their parents due to y’know the abuse. So it’s safe to say the fall’s a very unlucky human being, THEY DESERVE BETTER. In my mind the song’s from their point of view addressing to herself as “we” sometimes to give her a better more authoritative and decisive look on things when it is necessary to her well-being. I made them look like this!

See the full post

12 notes - Posted May 25, 2022

My family is officially a Steddie household. My brother is watching Steddie tiktoks. I’m drawing Steddie fanart (keep an eye out for that). We’ve been taken over by Steddie

25 notes - Posted July 13, 2022

What if part of Mumbo jumbo became apart of the rift? The mumbo moustache was consumed and the Jumbo was taken over the process of a month. And because of this the rift protects Grian because friendship and this is why mumbo decided to build so close to the rift? But hey thya’s just a theory, a me theory

47 notes - Posted May 6, 2022

Maya Hawke is the queen of codependent friendships, first Robin and Steve now Eleanor and Drea. In this video essay I wi-

61 notes - Posted September 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Oliver.png

Gnarly man (ignore the fucked up hand)

120 notes - Posted May 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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cmtuckerly · 4 years ago

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25 Things I learned by 25

1. A dream isn’t the same as a passion. Publishing a book is a dream, but writing is a passion. You can’t take away passion.

2. Don’t expect to become an adult during undergrad. You’ll definitely grow, but you’re still figuring things out. You’ll make mistakes. Undergrad is when you can still have fun, do whatever you want, and not be answerable to anyone (rejoice in not yet having a supervisor or boss to report to). You can take whatever electives you want. You can choose to study for that midterm for as much or as little you want. It’s one of your last times to be chaotic (whatever chaotic means to you) before going into the workforce or starting grad school, where you have responsibilities have and to answer to a supervisor.

3. You don’t need to impress anyone with your life, especially not your friends or relatives. It’s your life and you’re the one who’s going to have to deal with the choices your make, not them. Their judgements and approval aren’t going to be what sustains you. It only matters whether you’re happy with what you do.

4. Age differences matter less when you get older. When you were 18, it felt weird being in the same class as a 19 year old. But when you’re 25, you’ll be working on projects with people who are 22, 33, and 50, and everyone’s opinion has comparable weight. You gain a lot of wisdom and maturity when you work with people outside of your age cohort. Also, stop putting so much stock into your 20s. After having a year taken away from my 20s due to the plague, I’m trying to tell myself that being young is more of a state of mind than an age range. Likewise, I find the label “old soul” pretentious as heck.

5. Living harmoniously with your housemates means that you should communicate clearly what your expectations are for the bathroom and kitchen. Tell your housemates to clean their own hair from the drain after they shower instead of letting everyone’s hair clog it up after a month. Tell your housemates to clean their food from the kitchen drain after they do their own dishes.

6. No matter who shames you, don’t feel bad about staying up til 4am and waking up at 2pm. In a way, sometimes it’s a privilege to have a school/work life that allows you to have a dysfunctional sleep schedule. Embrace it while you can.

7. Don’t feel regret for the mistakes you made or the things you didn’t do. You only wish you made a different decision now because you have hindsight. At the time you made that decision, you didn’t know any better and thought that was the best choice. Those series of decisions and mistakes you made helped form the person you are and the wisdom you have now. So why regret that things that helped make you you?

8. It’s okay to lie to your family and friends in order to make it easier to get some space to breathe. You don’t owe anyone your time or explanations.

9. ”Your vibe attracts your tribe”. Something I heard from a youtuber. There will always be at least one person out there who likes what you do, no matter how niche it is. You’ll always find an audience for your voice. Keep doing you.

10, Some deadlines are flexible and some rules are bendable. Don’t always do things by the book. Things will work out. They’ll be fine. Rejection also doesn’t mean you’re not good enough or not capable. Rejections means you weren’t given that opportunity, but it doesn’t mean you are incapable to learning that knowledge. It’s also why going to college and having a post-secondary education isn’t necessary for success. Likewise, don’t take failure so seriously. Learn from it, yes, but it’s not going to matter in the grand scheme of things years from now.

11. Don’t mistake being nice for flirting. You’ll make yourself too vulnerable that way.

12. Invest mental energy into something meaningful. Staring at someone’s instagram profile or a celebrity’s photos on google images isn’t going to change anything. Similarly, that trip to Paris you took, the fairy lights in your room, or the hipster cafe you spend your time in doesn’t make you more artsy or cultured. The great plague of 2020 taught me to re-evaluate and redefine what’s left of my personality when I’m stuck at home for a year.

13. My favourite form of therapy: wandering solo. Whether it be walking through a city, a summer music festival, hiking through a forest, driving, or going to a museum or art gallery on my own. There’s a lot of freedom when you’re alone and anonymous.

14. Go eat alone in that restaurant (when safe and appropriate). No one is noticing. And if they do, take pride in the fact that you’re more open-minded and confident than they are.

15. No one remembers the mistake or embarrassing thing you did in your meeting or presentation. People have better things to remember and think about in their lives.

16. Fate is just meaning that we choose to give to certain coincidences. It’s not real.

17. Meet-cutes don’t end in happily ever after like they do in the movies. But they do make for interesting stories.

18. Don’t expect to meet the love of your life at a cafe, bookstore, social dance night, or whatever special event. People are mostly there to work, find a book, practice their dance skills, and socialize with their friends. They’re not paying much attention to people around them.

19. Maturity is being able to have a celebrity crush and knowing that it’ll never work out in real life and being okay with that. It’s all about learning how to have a healthy balance of emotional attachment and emotional distance.

20. I think one martini gets me just as tipsy as 3 glasses of wine. I need to do more tests to find out though.

21. A good conversationalist and someone who has the same interests as you doesn’t mean they’ll be a good partner. There are lots of people who fit that criteria. That’s why we have friends.

22. Fake it ‘til you make it. Feeling unconfident? Pretend that you are! Shy? Pretend to be the charismatic person you always wanted to be. No one will be the wiser. All the world’s a stage. Everyone’s trying to act out the best versions of themselves. As a shy introvert, I’m always worried about stuttering and betraying to others that I’m not as knowledgeable or confident than I actually I am. But I find that it somewhat helps to think less about what people think of me and to think more about the effect that I want to have on others. By projecting outwards, I become a little less self-conscious and ruminate inwards less.

23. Spending a lot of time with someone doesn’t mean you’ll be friends with them. After pulling all-nighters for group projects and seeing my group members more than my own friends and family for 4 months at a time and then never speaking to the group again despite how much we’ve bonded during the group project, I finally understand why actors don’t always become close friends with their co-stars.

24. Read. Learn how to tell stories, whether visually, orally, or textually. You’ll learn how to think more clearly. Unplugging from your phone and computer for 2-3 hours to do this really helps.

25. Be creative, curious, open, and spontaneous. Make the most of a disappointing situation. Be positive. Everything is an opportunity, from being stuck in traffic to being stuck in a grocery line. Everything can lead to a story that can be told later. Drive aimlessly for an hour every weekend and notice how the landscape changes and how neighbourhoods shift. Be open to taking up new hobbies. Be open to reconnecting with an old friend over coffee, even if the homebody inside you wants to cancel everything.

#life lessons #20 somethings #25 years old #college student #positivity #inspiration #philosophy #introvert #infj #mbti #personality #college #grad student #uni life #college life #university

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moth-song-archives · 4 years ago

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The Insatiable Flow of Time (1/8)

I remembered that I can make posts here too huh! Anyways, I wrote a post-MAG200 fic <3

I’ll reblog it again with the link to ao3 if you’d prefer reading it there :D

Rating: Teens and Up Archive Warnings: Choose Not To Use Categories: F/F Relationships: Georgie/Melanie, Georgie & Jon, Jonmartin (mentioned) Characters: Georgie Barker, Melanie King, Jonathan Sims, the Admiral, Basira Hussain (mentioned), Rosie Zampano (mentioned), Martin Blackwood (mentioned)

Additional tags: Diary/Journal × post mag200 × Post-Canon × Canon Compliant × Rated for swearing and me doing my best to write a fitting epilogue for my most fave story of all time × Bittersweet × Hurt/Comfort × Grief/Mourning × Gentle-Sad-Soft × Fluff × Non-Sexual Intimacy × Tenderness × Generally Hopeful Ending × Ambiguous/Open Ending × Catharsis × You know how TMA is a tragedy? ... yeah × Hope Punk × dealing with the fallout of surviving a literal apocalypse × Moving on and letting go × Trans Georgie Barker × Nonbinary Melanie King × Melanie uses any pronouns but needs to (re)discover this first × and is then mainly referred to with they/them pronouns for diary-simplicity × Melanie is ace in my heart ♡ × Jon is also enby but it only gets referred to in passing × Georgie has a Type™ × Character Study × i love them all so much × Nonbinary aspec author × it's very hope punk and somft BUT ALSO VERY SAD × in like a cathartic way × because i like causing pain :') × pre-written and updates every 2-3 days

I think I might use it to… rediscover myself. That’s what I liked about journaling in the first place, I think. Getting to think about things outside of my own head, putting it out there so I could move on? Maybe it’s time to return to old coping mechanisms and try again. Even if I haven’t really changed. Even if I should’ve changed. Right?

As the world tries to piece itself back together, Georgie grapples with her past, her present, and her future by keeping a diary. She also keeps having this strange, recurring dream that involves Jon. Post MAG200.

Finished at ~12k, will upload over the next couple of days <3

Day 3 - Evening

Melanie is sleeping. Basira is also sleeping, on the sofa in the living-room. She doesn’t really know what to do with herself, these days, so for now she’s staying with us.

I am not sleeping. I’m so far beyond tired that I can’t sleep anymore. It’s been... how long? More than a day, certainly. I’m at the kitchen table and the night outside is darker than any I’ve ever seen. There are no street lights and a million more stars than I could’ve ever imagined. I wish Melanie could see them too :(

Back before everything in my life went wrong, I used to be really good at this. I think I got my first diary when I was... seven, maybe eight? I used to be obsessed with it. I guess I stopped writing in college, after the incident, because it felt... wrong? Like I was lying to myself, trying to fabricate emotions that just weren’t there, keeping up with things that no longer seemed important or note-worthy. Mainly, I couldn’t make myself care about anyone or anything anymore.

I think I want to find that person again, now that it’s over. Try and… move on? And Melanie encouraged me :) I guess that’s the main reason. I found this notebook in one of the domains when we were rescuing people. I don’t know what I originally wanted to do with it, but I did end up forgetting about it until I went through my bag again today. It smells like fire and is a bit singed in places, but I kind of like that? I think I might use it to… rediscover myself. ...that sounds very pretentious, but this is just for me, so...

And I like that it’s just cheap paper scribbled on with a shitty biro. Maybe I’ll just burn it when all the thoughts are on the paper instead of in my head. When I can sleep again. And the prize for the most dramatic way of closure goes to Georgie Barker! But yeah. That’s what I liked about journaling in the first place, I think. Getting to think about things outside of my own head, putting it out there so I could move on? Maybe it’s time to return to old coping mechanisms and try again. Even if I haven’t really changed. Even if I should’ve changed. Right?

But I don’t feel any different. Shouldn’t I feel different, now that they’re gone? The entities, I mean, though Jon and Martin seem to be gone, too.

I keep remembering Martin’s expression when he told us to go early, how upset he was.

Honestly, I can’t say I’m surprised. As long as I’ve known Jon, he’s always done what he thought best. It used to drive me up the walls, but I also admired it, I think? I never would’ve told him that, but… Well. He’s gone now.

It’s over, all of it.

And I still can’t sleep.

And Melanie is still blind, and I still feel empty, and my fear still hasn’t come back. Everyone who died is still dead, and the trauma is still there. There were angry mobs in the streets, and people got killed.

I can’t quite believe that Jon and Martin went with them. I can’t believe they left us behind to explain the entire mess.

We’re back in our old flat. It’s so weird to be back home. Everything looks the same, as though no time passed at all. Nobody knows what date it is. How long were we caught in there?

Outside, it feels like spring. There are birds everywhere, singing their hearts out. Sounds like more birds than there used to be, too. The trees are leafless and dead-looking, but Basira pointed out that they’re getting there... and it feels like spring.

I haven’t slept properly in 3 days because the questions keep me awake. It’s not that I’m worrying, really, just… thinking? I think I could sleep better if the worry had come back, but it hasn’t.

As far as we can tell, all modern devices are broken, too. Computers and phones and such, digital cameras, generators... we don’t even know what the rest of the world looks like. I hadn’t realised how much gets controlled by computers these days, we don’t even have central heating or water access in our flat. Rumours and news are spreading person-to-person, like in the Olden Days. We only have emergency systems that were installed in case of nation-wide blackout. I guess I’m glad we don’t actually have a blackout, we just need to get the computers back to work. (If I understood it correctly.)

Melanie thinks it’ll all come back to life in a few more days. I certainly hope so. I also hope I’ll stop feeling like this. Or rather, not feeling like anything. It’s so strange. Like in the first days after the incident, when I just felt numb?

They’re gone! I want to feel like a person again! What if I never get myself back?

They’re actually gone.

What will we do with our lives now? Basira isn’t the only one who feels uprooted. I think the whole world feels like that right now.

I hope my computer comes back soon. I miss music, and making things. My photos, all those memories.

I don’t want to lose all of that. I want to start fresh, but not without records of the past.

…I’ve had a lot of time to think about that, specifically. Records, and futures.

What the Ghost is done, right? There’s no fun in creepy ghost stories if you’ve been through an actual, living nightmare.

I think I want to start new with that, too. When everything works again, that is.

New world, new future, new podcast. I like that. I think. Make a record of what happened through eyewitness accounts? Or is that too similar to the Statements… then again, it’ll be more like interviews. And I think we shouldn’t forget.

We owe them that much.

I’ll have to talk it over with Melanie tomorrow. Maybe.

We’ll see.

God, I think maybe… maybe I can actually try and sleep tonight. Writing does seem to help.

Note to self: thank Laverne for suggesting it. (Also for being there for Melanie. And listening to us. And stopping with that culty nonsense. She’s the only one we found so far, but she actually listened to us. Strange to think that in this world, I have to be grateful for someone not worshipping me for some dumb reason?!)

Day 4 - Morning

So. Three things.

1) I did manage to fall asleep after all! I’ve always been a bit of an insomniac, especially after the incident, so actually getting some proper rest felt really good.

2) I somehow woke up right as the sun went up! I think I’ve never seen a dawn this beautiful? I watched it from the bedroom window and I’ll definitely describe it to her in detail when she wakes up! The Admiral was sleeping on our pillow, right next to her head, snuggled up against the back of her neck and shoulder... it was so cute. I can’t believe my phone and camera still don’t work! Melanie has that old polaroid camera somewhere but we haven’t found it yet, and I wish my art skills were any better. I did draw a sketch of the two of them though. I’ll cherish it forever, no matter how shitty it is :’)

After everything that happened, the Admiral is still a bit weird around us. He started out really aggressive, calmed down a bit, and now… now he’s weirdly skittish? Meows a lot. Keeps walking around the flat. The only thing that even remotely returns him to how he used to be is tuna. It’s weird.

But seeing him like that, with Melanie? I love him so much.

I think he’ll be okay.

But before I forget, and why I actually got out the diary at this ungodly hour instead of trying to go back to sleep now that the sun is up…

3) I had a really nice dream. And... I don’t even know. I think I want to try and hold onto the feeling? I don’t think I’ve felt that… deeply… in a long while. Maybe the last time was before all this, when we decided to move in together. Before all of this happened.

For a moment, I felt like I was whole again :’)

It didn’t even have Melanie in it, which is very rude tbh. I think Jon was there? The Admiral, too. We were just chilling on the sofa, watching netflix I think... It felt so... mundane??? Casual, somehow??? Like it was normal to feel like that and I just... I want THAT. I want to feel like that again, instead of this weird… blank nothingness? I want that all the time, not just when I’m riding a high or feeling so terrible that it pierces through.

I don’t know if that makes sense but this is just for me anyway so I suppose it doesn’t have to.

I think I should feel bad about Jon being gone, but I still don’t even feel relief at it being over. Just this vague numbness.

I hate it so much, except I don’t, actually, I just know that I should?

Melanie keeps saying that I need a therapist but if we’re being honest here, I guess I need one the least? The whole goddamn world needs therapy right now. Including the therapists. And I’ve been dealing with this for a long time now.

I guess I keep hoping it’ll just go away somehow.

Anyways. Enough introspection, I’m going back to bed. I hope I don’t wake them! :)

Day 4 - Evening

It’s night now, the sun went down hours ago. We have a bunch of candles, but I’m trying to use them sparingly, so I just have one lit. I put a glass of water next to the candle so now the light gets magnified a bit more. It’s a weird atmosphere, but I kinda like it? Feels… cozy! :)

I’m still not over how everything looks the same, but nothing works like it did before, and there’s this… burden? This collective trauma everyone went through. It feels so surreal. So many things are still broken… it’s like we woke from a collective nightmare, but pieces of it still remain, floating around.

And we just sent it away with the tapes. I really hope those other worlds are doing better than us, but what else could we have done? I… try not to think about it. I know I should, but I still can’t really bring myself to care, or even feel overly guilty for that? …

Melanie fell asleep with her head in my lap half an hour ago. I was reading to her. She says she loves the sound of my voice, so I’ve started doing that in the evenings. (I still love that we had separate crushes from a distance on each other for ages because of youtube and WTG. We’ve been talking about that a lot, too.)

She still has nightmares, but apparently she’s also been having good dreams, and she looks so peaceful right now. The last few days have been a lot, but in comparison to before, and even before then…

It’s over. We made it out. We get to have a future together. I still can’t quite believe it. :)

I guess I’m writing again (despite already having done so in the morning) because it somehow helped yesterday and I’m hoping to replicate that. And I have a lot to think about. It’s been a long day.

Basira is still out there, helping out where she can. I think she feels guilty. Melanie says she doesn’t because there was no other choice, but I know her, and I know that she’s lying.

There’s always another choice. We just say that to make it easier to bear.

I hope she knows she can come talk to me when she feels ready to tackle it.

I hope I ever feel able to tackle it myself. No. I will talk to her when I’m ready.

We did talk a bit about things, of course. Melanie doesn’t really remember her dreams, most of the time, but apparently she’s been alternating between horrifying nightmares and a really nice, recurring one that sometimes happens after the nightmares. She doesn’t really remember much of it, but she mentioned it after I told her about the Jon dream. Not what it was about, just… in general.

From the way she talked about it, I think her dad might have been in it? I’m actually not sure, but the way she smiled…

She has that little smile on her lips again, even now, dreaming. The soft one she gets when she talks about good things. About him.

About me.

(I still can’t believe she chose me. How impossibly lucky? How did I ever deserve her? But then, it’s not about that, is it? She is mine, and I am hers, and… life will be good. I know it will be.)

She’s been smiling a lot more, these past few days.

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lunatic-fandom-space · 3 years ago

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Im about to finally watch that NC review of The Wall after watching a bunch of videos about it and Im just gonna put my thoughts during it in this post

Okay I just checked this review has 85k dislikes, 22k likes and 1.5 million views Im scared

I also havent watched actually watched The Wall btw, but I did watch Folding Ideas video if that helps

Oh god I really liked NC in like 2019 and even the beginning of 2020 and his greeting is giving me vietnam flashbacks

I hate Dougs voice already

Okay a bunch of shit is happening

Now theyre just showing clips from the original movie but as a horrible montage with fire edited over it

Dougs face makes me uncomcortable and I hate looking at it

Hes singing again goddamnit

Thank god, an ad

He stopped singing again thank god

What the fuck is that

I hate those giggles theyre awful

Why is Doug Walker a vampire

The costuming is straight up awful what is the budget on this

The cg is so bad and outdated why did they even bother

What are these dance moves

Theyre mentioning twitter now???

I just watched that 3 musical minute sequence and I have no idea what Doug is even trying to say

He spat out a bird? Huh??

What

Bro the animation is so bad

This would literally be completely incoherent without the on the nose lyrics

"So long Oscar-bait song/smoke a bong and it'll feel less wrong" bro what

I havent even watched the fucking movie and even I know hes missing the point, how did I ever think his reviews were good

I didnt not need to see Doug Walker wailing about being Jesus while shirtless in front of badly edited stockphoto water

What is that

His acting is so bad and I still hate his face

Im not even halfway through

I just wanna go back to working on my AU while watching actually good longform reviews

I cant even read the comments bc I wanna focus on the review itself I hate it here

This frame is very blue. I love the color, but its kinda out of place and was probably not done on purpose

What now

What

Why

I wanna commit crimes

Have I mentioned that I hate looking at Dougs face

That was, without exageration, the worst sponsor Ive ever seen

ITS NOT OVER???

I too call the people I am writing a love letter to whiny and pretentious

Oh god

What in the world

I didnt think it was possible but Dougs singing voice just got worse

Dude they drew on his head with like, marker or something and I can see it smudge

He got all these people and all these props and had these wholeass songs written but he couldnt even brush his fucking teeth before going on Youtube

Okay theyre doing a full on twitter song

What is this shit

This is the most boomer centrist thing I have ever seen in my life

What the fuck was that

The eye imagery going on is geniuienly very unsettling and kind of disorienting but I cant really appreciate it bc its just so bad

What is that

AND AD THANK GOD

Back to the bullshit

What is that

The greenscreen looks so bad

Only 11 minutes lets fucking gooooooo

Doug Walker standing in that hallway doing a power stance is my new sleep paralasis demon

Dude what are they even doing

What is that squirrel thing on this random guys counter

I dont understand whats going on

What in the world is that furry nightmare squirrel in the studio

Why is the edgy cowboy furry OC lecturing me about The Arts

I legimately cant understand most of the words being said and I have no idea if its because my brain has been fried or because they just went with the first take of every line

This part of the review is usually praised as "the best part" so Im both intrigued and really scared

Oh god its another furry OC

Okay I actually quite like the design of the grey furry with the big hat and six arms I just really hate the way he moves, I think it would look better as a static model or preferably a 2d drawing

Another Ad!

I also like the black one with the white horns and red accents

Okay what the fuck is that

I mean the one with the way too many antlers is a bit better than the one before it but it looks like the designer kinda gave up at this point

This feels like an acid trip but in the worst way

I think this is the first thing Ive seen that had a dragon in it, that didnt make it better at all

I mean. i guess this is very impressive but why

I feel like every single voice actor for these creatures recorded the lyrics with a completely different mic

Hey, what the fuck

Well this sure is all happening

What

"Well, the movie ended on such an open vagueness that it only makes sense the the review end on such an open vagueness" hey fuckface, thats not how reviews work

Thank you musician guy who had no lines up until now (I think his name was Corey??)

All of this bullshit and for WHAT

Theyre singing the spongebob squarepants theme song

These 30 seconds where the most I enjoyed myself consecutively during this entire 40 minute video

I dont know how, but Doug Walker somehow manages to stay unlikeable even while hes shouting out a charity that probably does wonderful work

In conclusion, there is a total of 5 Things I Enjoyed in this 40 minute review:

That gray furry with the hat and six arms

That black furry with the horns and red accents and eyes

The shade of blue during that one very blue shot

The spongebob squarepants theme

Apparently Griff Taylor (the son of the musician guy, Corey Taylor) is a fan of NC for some reason and his dad pretty much did this for him, and I can appreciate that on some level

#live blogging #ig #review ig #idk what to tag this as #channel awesome #nostalgia critic

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razanartuk · 3 years ago

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about me tag game thing

i was tagged by the wonderful @nothingunrealistic! thank you very much ily <3

under read more bc i was not capable of keeping my answers brief this time around

why did you choose your url?

this...was supposed to be a short explanation but it turned into quite a tale so strap in i guess because we are going on a ride. back in 2017 i was just getting into musical theatre rp and i was still feeling too shy to really talk to anyone ooc so i would just wait for people i wanted to interact with to post starter calls so i could just do things in character with them the easy way. So i did this with my friend cam, who posted a starter for me using a lyric from If I Could Tell Her. she linked the song so i could listen to it, so i did and i went ‘wait a minute, is that Ben Platt from Pitch Perfect?? (and other things too, but i only recognized his voice at the time bc of the acappella girl movies)’ and yes it certainly was.

i had zero idea what the plot of Dear Evan Hansen was about at that point, and for some reason based off Just That One Song and the poster art of who i assumed was Some Guy in a Polo Shirt i started to think it was about some jock guy who broke his arm and had an emo/goth friend who had either died or gone missing under mysterious circumstances. also i intuited that Evan had a crush on his friend’s sister but he couldn’t tell her that directly or his emo friend would kick his ass. so i was like mostly wrong, but a little bit right.

oh and i knew jared and alana were characters from the show bc cam said that they were i think?? but i had no idea what their role was. so after listening to if i could tell her, i listened to good for you and all i really got out of that was that evan the apparently not-jock guy had done...something... that really hurt jared and alana. and at that point i finally decided to go look up a plot synopsis and i found out i was waaay off base. but honestly this is why cast recordings should include scene dialogue in the songs bc otherwise you just get soundtracks like dear evan hansen where the songs have like. zero context. we really just go from waving through a window to for forever to sincerely me without like. any reason as to what is happening huh. It’s honestly not a surprise anymore that all those people on twitter had no idea the plot isn’t about gay teenagers.

anyways. cam was writing jared and she made a post at one point about wishing somebody would write alana and i was like ‘oh i could do that!’ (after i had actually Seen a bootleg and finally knew what the whole story was, of course) so i made a multimuse rp blog featuring alana beck, nabulungi hatimbi, chloe valentine and some other characters, and cam started sharing her headcanons with me that alana is trans, jared and alana were close friends when they were little kids but they sort of drifted apart as they got older and their priorities in life changed, jared was the first person alana came out to when she realized she’s trans, etc.

one night i started talking about wanting to pick a more theatre-relevant url for my blog and trans-[character name] urls were getting pretty popular, and at least 3 of the friends i made through rp had changed theirs to coordinating trans-[character name] and i think it was cam suggested i should make mine be trans-alana so i did. eventually i realized the unhyphenated version was available so i changed it to transalana with no hyphen and i have lived here ever since. sometimes i think about changing it but i feel like transalana has become a part of My Brand and i am not so great with coming up with cool names for things.

any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

in theory, i have sideblogs... i don’t really use them, but of the ones i do have, there is:

emsbookblog - this was supposed to be where i would post excerpts of the book that i’m working on, but i think i did that maybe one time roughly 2 years ago and then promptly forgot about it/got nervous about my writing and was scared to share anything else. the rest of the stuff that is there is assorted writing tips. i don’t really know what to do with it now. i probably should post all my little thoughts about em and anita and caleb there instead of infodumping on my main from time to time, but if i do that then i have to promo a sideblog and direct people over to it which is always annoying to me when i could just do it on this blog which is much easier

dearnovelhansen - this is basically no longer used, but was a sideblog i made specifically to talk/complain about the novel adaptation of Dear Evan Hansen which was about 3 years ago?? maybe? i can’t be trusted to understand the passage of time. but to summarize: i thought it was an honor just to have the story be made more accessible since many of us couldn’t see the stage performance, but i hated a lot of the creative liberties that were taken. my main grumbles are that everyone who isn’t evan or connor is done so dirty in the novel. connor’s still kind of done dirty in the book, but not as much as like. heidi, alana, jared, and zoe are.

horseisle3 - this one was meant to be a place where i could just enthusiastically post screenshots from hi3, but instead it turned into a blog where i occasionally reblog other players’ hi3 content and bitch about how bad the game admins are bc hi3 is the tumblr famous (infamous?) homophobic horse game. the game where it was once okay to call your club store the gulag bc according to their head of hr, ‘it’s just a russian word for prison’ but you can’t say ‘im gay’ without somebody accusing you of corrupting young children who play the game. unfortunately there aren’t very many good interactive horse games out there, so this one is still about as good as it gets. it’s either that or star stable and i don’t care about star stable.

mlaenie - i’ve had this url saved for i don’t even know how long. way way way back in the day when i wanted to escape from the clutches of the onceler fandom i abandoned my first blog where i basically had an alter ego i guess?? and i decided to just be myself on the new blog. i don’t fully remember who came up with it, but one of my sister’s mutuals suggested that if you scrambled the letters in your name you could come up with aesthetic-looking urls. so lauren’s url became lrauen, and to match with her mine became mlaenie, which i abandoned on tumblr after about a year or so? but have continued to use as my main username on twitter, reddit, youtube, xbox, steam, and discord. i barely ever use any of these accounts aside from twitter, steam, and xbox, but yeah. so i’ve decided to try and turn this empty sideblog into a place for video game thoughts maybe. we’ll see how long it lasts this time around.

how long have you been on tumblr?

i made my first tumblr account in december of 2010, but i didn’t understand how to use it at all or how to customize my theme to look cool and unique so i quickly abandoned it. i made a new account in september of 2011 after some kids at school and my sister told me i should and i have been trapped here with varying degrees of activity/inactivity ever since. i have witnessed the rise and fall of the lorax/onceler fandom, hyperfocused on lord of the rings, star wars and back to the future all at the same time, and for the past 4 years i’ve mostly been a musical theatre blog with assorted other fandom stuff mixed in. i feel i have seen everything and nothing, but mostly i’m just tired and bored.

do you have a queue tag?

no bc i don’t use a queue. i’ve tried using it in the past but i irrationally feel pressured to sustain a coherent theme to queued posts and my brain simply does not vibe with that so i just don’t use it at all anymore. Instead i instantly reblog or post several unrelated thoughts in succession and then don’t post again at all for 3 days. the way god intended

why did you start your blog in the first place?

my very first blog was intended to be a place for me to post all of my petz 5 animals’ profile info, but i didn’t have any understanding of how coding worked at all and i don’t think i really wanted to learn, either. so it just sat there, unused. my second attempt at blogging was as a classic rock fandom person, so as you can probably imagine i was pretty pretentious about ‘modern pop’ vs the beatles, the rolling stones, the who, the monkees, and so on. and then i slowly devolved into a lorax fandom blog and everything went to shit so i made a new blog for lord of the rings/the hobbit which later evolved to include star wars and back to the future blogging. and then for the past 4 years i’ve been mainly a musical theatre blog with other random stuff i like thrown haphazardly into the pot. wonderful.

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

because my url is transalana and two of my most prominent lgbt headcanons are that alana beck is trans and a lesbian. i gotta be shouting out @kinqmike though bc she’s the one i adopted the trans alana beck headcanon from in the first place!

why did you choose your header?

in 2017 i was hyperfixating on Dear Evan Hansen (and Be More Chill, but there weren’t many gif-able videos then considering it ran for a month in New Jersey in 2015 and there was only one yet-to-resurface 35 minute bootleg) so i just grabbed a random gif off of google. i really should get to replacing it with a new header of my own though. i just don’t know what i should do for it.

what’s your post with the most notes?

i have lost track of how many notes it has (i think it’s somewhere around 200 now?) but when Will Roland and George Salazar performed Two Player Game on Good Morning America, i posted a screencap of their Jeremy and Michael along with that one quiz answer meme that says stuff like ‘i want to see it grow up healthy’. i didn’t tag it with any ship names or anything because i was anxious about having it show up in the tags, but somebody who reblogged it from me did tag it as boyf riends and i firmly believe it took off because of that. i don’t think i make posts that are relevant enough to amass thousands of notes, even by accident. which is probably a good thing bc if i did i would have to block so many of them.

how many followers do you have?

on this blog? 175 according to the counter. how many of those are still real people and how many are bots and abandoned accounts? i have no idea.

how many people do you follow?

i try to keep it somewhere around 200. i think i’m sitting at 180 right now but i kind of need to go through and clear out the really inactive blogs.

have you made a shitpost?

let’s think about this for a second. i’ve been on tumblr for nearly 10 years. you might even be able to say i’ve made more than one. they’re just not what you would call...popular shitposts.

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ post?

that stuff makes me so incredibly anxious that i have to fight the urge to want to yeet my laptop or mobile device through the closest window whenever i read it, so i try very hard to avoid any sort of ‘if you don’t reblog this, i’m judging you’ posts. i find them very manipulative and not particularly helpful

do you like tag games?

yeah babey!! i just frequently forget to do them, but please know that if you have ever tagged me in a tag game i felt incredibly touched by the gesture and the @mention even if i completely forgot to do the thing afterward

do you like ask games?

i do! but also rip to literally anyone who has ever sent me an ask meme bc it takes me so long to answer them. i’m still working on a micro fic prompt from a few weeks ago. also, horrified to realized that it has in fact been a few weeks and not 3 days anymore.

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i don’t know that any are tumblr famous as a whole. but probably @neverheardnothing

do you have a crush on a mutual?

in any sort of romantic connotation? no. not that i’m aware of. there are mutuals that i have friend crushes on where i want to be friends with them but i get so anxious when it comes to meeting new people that usually nothing ever comes of it. i’m really not good at small talk or other casual conversation either which, as you may or may not be able to imagine, sucks. i just wanna skip over all of the awkward introductions and ‘hey how are you, how is life, what are you doing with yourself?’ stuff. not because i don’t care about it. i do, but i think most of my friends/the people i want to be my friends are also depressed and anxious so asking these basic questions about life tends to uh. make us all nervous. and i don’t do much with my life so i always have the most boring answers anyways.

i’m not tagging anyone officially bc the @ thing has just completely given up on me at this point, but if you want to do it, go for it. and then say i tagged you so i can read it c:

#mel.rtf #abt me #tag games

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missluthorwillseeyounow · 5 years ago

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Ask Game

Thank you @occidentaltourist for tagging me! :)

Nickname(s): SoFlo (from my main blog sorrowsflower); IRL, Nat

Zodiac: Leo, RAWR :3

Height: 5'2"

Time: EST

Favorite band/artist: I don’t have one favorite artist or band, but apparently I play a lot of Hozier, Florence + The Machine, and Massive Attack. Also love a lot of Nina Simone, Ella Fitzgerald, Edith Piaf, Heart, Stevie Nicks and Broadway musicals.

Song stuck in my head: the Glee version of “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” for my Glee/Love, Rosie Supercorp AU.

Last Movie I saw: Re-watched “For Lovers Only” (with Stana Katic and Mark Polish) and re-imagined it with Supercorp. I now have 3 different Supercorp AU versions of this (including one in my Glee AU where Kara and Lena are actors filming this movie). I love the atmosphere of this film.

Last thing I googled: differences between male and female green peafowl (For my non-binary Javanese human-peacock OC).

Other blogs: My main blog @sorrowsflower

Do I get asks: I get more in my main blog, but this inbox is always open too! I love asks!

Why this username: Blame it on that one tweet, and that twitter photo of Lena

Following: I can’t follow anyone with this blog, since it’s a side-blog, but I follow SO many people with my main

Average amount of sleep: Ha. HA! What is sleep? Maybe 4-5 hours average :(

Lucky number: 7. Or 3.

What am I wearing: White and silver marble-print panties lol. Cos I just got home and took off my clothes (black top with a strappy neckline that I never tell anybody gives me domme feels, white boyfriend shirt as cover-up, black leggings, and metallic rose-gold Kate Spade Keds)

Dream job: Actor and/or director (theatre and arthouse films), and writer/poet

Dream trips: Just like a full trip around the world. I want to go EVERYWHERE

Favorite food: Filipino cuisine, followed by Vietnamese. Pretty much any authentic Asian food.

Instruments I play: I never had the discipline to learn any :(

Eye color: Black, though if you look closer, it’s actually dark brown

Hair color: Black

Aesthetic: I dunno, really. But I’ve been told I’m extra (I call it pretentious🙄). Like my tiny twin bed is covered by a deep blue fabric painted with flowers and peacocks (actually a shower curtain) with branches of fake magnolias sprouting from two corner posts. What can I say? I love lush beautiful things, but I am not rich and I am of this timeline. If I wasn’t, I would probably live in an old castle surrounded by deep rich dark colors while roaming around the forest at night barefoot in a diaphanous white dress, singing softly for my lost lover 🤦‍♀️ Either that, or art deco.

Languages: English and Filipino

Most iconic song: Depends on my mood. Right now it’s the epic version of Moonlight Sonata by Hidden Citizens.

Random fact: Tiffany & Co. jewelry heiress Dorothy Tiffany Burlingham (daughter of stained-glass artist Louis Comfort Tiffany), and psychoanalyst Anna Freud (daughter of Sigmund Freud) were life-partners and effectively raised Burlingham’s four children together. They met in 1925 because Burlingham’s son had a psychosomatic condition, and Freud treated him. Burlingham became a psychoanalyst too. Their ashes are together in a crematorium in London.

Tagging @musical-chick-13 @we--all--looked--up @just-a-girl45 @caroldanvers-ismywife @avaswhore @dreamsaremywords and anyone else that wants to do this :) No pressure ❤

#sorry i talk a lot #me #personal #ask meme

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jaeminhours · 6 years ago

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Music For Two

SUMMARY | You go to a concert with your boyfriend, Donghyuck, in a town he feels is to small. But you don’t think anything is too much or too little when Donghyuck is by your side. | requested by anon

PAIRING | lee donghyuck x reader

CATEGORY | boyfriend!donghyuck, fluff, drabble

WORD COUNT | 1.1k

WARNINGS | none

SONG REC | Song Without Words - Stjepan Hauser & Yoko Misumi

a/n: I’m not sure what kind of concert you wanted so I went with a classical concert. I hope that’s alright! Thanks for requesting <3

You had never thought that a single person could take as long to get ready as Lee Donghyuck did. You were currently waiting for your boyfriend to finish fixing his hair, which he had been doing for the past fifteen minutes. You were supposed to be at your town’s theatre for the annual performance by your local philharmonic orchestra in 10 minutes, but Donghyuck insisted on looking pretty.

“Donghyuck, your hair is fine. You look beautiful!” you said, grabbing his arm and shaking it pleadingly. “Please, let’s go. You know I hate being late.” You pouted, and he sighed, letting you tug him out of the bathroom and down the stairs, slipping on your shoes.

“Why are we even going again?” he asked.

“Support for our local arts, of course! And because my aunt’s paying me to watch my cousin perform.”

“So you’re selling out.”

You slapped his arm. “He doesn’t have any friends and I’m broke. Plus I enjoy listening to classical music, thank you very much.” You crossed your arms. “Now, please, let’s go.”

“Kiss me first,” he said, smirking.

You rolled your eyes, pecking him on the cheek and then hooking your arm around his, pulling him out the door.

Climbing into the driver’s seat, Donghyuck reached for the radio before you slapped his hand away.

“What was that for?” he said, pretending to look offended.

“No music,” you replied. “I want to be refreshed for the concert.”

It was Donghyuck’s turn to roll his eyes. “You’re so pretentious. Why am I even dating you?”

You snorted. “Like you could do better.”

Donghyuck shook his head, sighing, but you could see the smile on his face as he started the car. The town you both lived in was small, but you thought that made it better. Locally owned businesses lay on either side of the street, dim lights illuminating the cracked concrete and ivy-covered walls. You grew up here, and as a result you knew almost everyone that loved in your hometown. From Taeil, the owner of the sandwich shop next to the small thrift shop run by Taeyong, to the mechanic Jaehyun, who always helped fix Donghyuck’s old car, which threatened to fall apart at least once a week. But above all, the thing you loved most about this town was that Donghyuck lived in it. You turned your head away from the car window and took the opportunity to gaze at your boyfriend. Lee Donghyuck was art, to say the very least. Lee Donghyuck was the most beautiful thing in the whole town. He was wearing a plain, dark blue button up shirt, and black jeans. His outfit was simple, but Donghyuck was anything but. His skin glistened in the pale moonlight, and there was the slightest smudge of brown eyeliner around his eyes. Not enough to necessarily be noticeable, but enough to make his eyes look both wider and more intense.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” Donghyuck said, barely sparing you a glance.”

“Mhm.”

Donghyuck never failed to render you speechless.

You were shaken out of your trance when Donghyuck parked the car in front of the theatre. He walked around to the passenger’s side and opened the door for you, stepping back in a bow with his hand extended towards you.

“My lady,” he said, smirking as he looked up at you through his fringe.

You took his hand, giggling. “Why, I’m flattered. What a handsome gentleman.”

Donghyuck laughed, clear and loud, and tugged you towards him, his hands on your waist as he leaned in and kissed you sweetly.

“Come on,” he said. “Let’s go in.”

The theatre was the classiest building in the whole town, with clean, red velvet-lined seats that were placed on two different floors. After you paid for your tickets, you and Donghyuck made your way up to the balcony overlooking the stage. Your hands still clasped together, you took your seats and waited for the concert to begin.

Honestly, you had no idea that your small town’s local orchestra could play so beautifully. The played sonatas and concertos, solos and duets, the music filling your ears and making the top of your head tingle. During a soulful cello solo that tugged at your heartstrings and almost brought tears to your eyes, you glanced over at Donghyuck, only to find that he was already looking at you. He mouthed something at you.

“What?” you whispered, leaning closer to him.

“I said I’m really in love with you,” he whispered back.

You stared. “Yeah, I love you too.”

“No, not just like that. It- it’s not that simple.” You could barely hear his soft whispers over the cello, but you listened anyway.

“I know I say that I hate this town a lot, and that I can’t wait to leave,” he said. “But I don’t. Not really, because you’re here with me. As long as you’re here, I’ll be here too. And if you ever decide to leave, I’ll go with you. Wherever you are, that’s where I want to be, for the rest of my life. That’s how strongly I feel about you.”

Now you really did have tears in your eyes. “Hyuck, I-”

You were interrupted by the sound of someone in the seat behind you furiously shushing you. You and Donghyuck twisted in your seats, shooting a glare at the culprit before turning back to each other.

You didn’t need words. You smiled softly at him, rubbing your thumb over your joined hands. The rest of the concert was spent with music in your ears, Donghyuck’s declaration on your mind, and your hand never leaving his.

After the concert, you and Donghyuck walked outside and leaned on the brick wall, enjoying the cold, crisp air before starting home. When you glanced at Donghyuck, you noticed he wouldn’t meet your eyes.

“Hyuck, are you embarrassed?” you teased.

“Sorry,” he said, quickly. “It’s just- the music, I don’t know-”

“Donghyuck,” you said, laughing. He stopped talking, his face reddening as he hid his face in his hands. “I’m really in love with you too, you fool.” You peeled his hands away from his face, holding them tightly in your own.

“I don’t love this town just because of that bakery on 5th street, or that dusty old library by your apartment. I don’t just love it because it’s where I grew up,” You took a deep breath. “I love it because you’re here. I love it because I get to see you everyday, and that’s all that matters to me. I just want to be where you are, too.” You stopped, blushing, and searched Donghyuck’s face for a reaction.

“Wow,” he breathed. “That was really cheesy. I almost gagged.”

“Shut up!” You punched him in the shoulder, but you were both smiling.

“Come on, Y/n,” he said, leaning down until his lips brushed against your ear. “Let’s go home.”

You smiled. As long as you were with Lee Donghyuck, you knew you were already home.

a/n: yikes! I wrote this in five hours and it’s not great but it’s done. I wouldn’t usually have it done this fast but I really have nothing else to do right now. Thank you to anyone who’s commented/gave constructive criticism on the fic I just posted! I appreciate it. Also, yes, I know, I’m really horrible at ending fics adfsfj. Thanks for reading!

If you haven’t already, read Loved You First

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donnerpartyofone · 6 years ago

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21 Questions

Tagged by @getoutofmyhouse who had oddly similar answers to mine

Nickname: only the one I use here, that I gave myself--Claire Donner, which has to do with my famous love of cannibalism. Claire is my real first name, though.

Zodiac: I am so very cuspy. I was born at about a quarter to midnight on April 20, so I tend to relate to, and feel insulted by, the suppositions about Aries and Taurus equally. I’m one of those jerks who will tell you astrology is a bunch of hoo ha...and then drone on with my Many Esoteric Ideas about it, so I’ll just stop myself right here.

Height: 5’ nuthin is what I prefer to say...because saying I’m 5 and 3/4′ sounds a little like saying I’m 10 and a half years old.

Amount of sleep: It’s all fucked up. Until I got into my 30s I could, and would prefer to, sleep endlessly. Now I go to bed around 10 (depression), get up around 5 or 6 (being old), and for extra fun, I’ve developed this insomnia that often keeps me up from about 2am-5am. I try make the most of it by getting up, getting high, watching a movie or two, writing...basically just having a secret private day by myself. I’d really rather go back to just sleeping constantly though.

Last movie I saw: I saw GRETA in theaters tonight, which was ok. I guess I thought any Neil Jordan film would be headier than this, but watching Isabel Huppert just running around acting like an absolute maniac is a rare treat! My last video experience was RAW, which I put on to bother my husband right when we got home from the theater. (I think he liked it more than I originally did, to my surprise)

Last thing I googled: The correct spelling of Sylvia Likens’ last name. I’m obsessed with this type of crime where a group of people (usually a family and/or some of their friends and neighbors) fall into some kind of shared hysteria where they protractedly torture to death an acquaintance for no particular reason. Some times there’s an element of mystery as to why the victim didn’t leave while they were still able to, which suggests to me that the murdered person was just as much a victim of the groupthink as the perpetrators. Other example victims include Suzanne Capper, Vera Jo Reigle, and I think to some degree Sophie Lionnet, James Bulger, and Junko Furuta. (Also a crime they briefly discuss in the book Lords of Chaos, where several people murder a friend in their trailer, but I can’t remember it specifically enough to look up the names--the other last thing i tried to google) I keep thinking there should be a psychiatric and/or legal term for this kind of crime, but I’ve never heard one, so let me know if you got one!

Favorite musician: I have trouble with questions that involve ranking anything, so I’ll just say that right now I’m listening to a lot of old White Zombie. I didn’t know anything about their origins as an East Village noise band, and I’m fascinated by the stories about how apocalyptically miserable it was to be in that group. I’m increasingly obsessed with people who work their asses off doing something they barely even enjoy, for what must be borderline spiritual reasons.

Song stuck in my head: Nothing right this second, for which I am very grateful. There’s something awful in my brain that causes me to wake up with some maddening, babyish tune stuck in my head more often than not. It is most frequently the Ten Little Indians nursery rhyme. This is literally killing me.

Other blogs: @anhed-nia, which started as a dumping ground for long posts about mental illness, and turned into almost only movie writing. at some point there was just so much movie shit that i started to feel awkward about posting anything personal there again. i also got @getoffyrass which is a group blog, and a repository for images that make great drawing references. everyone is encouraged to post their drawings, too, although it is seldom used. i still like having it around, for when i have time to draw. my “real” drawing blog is @neveratendermoment but i don’t draw often enough anymore...

Do I get asks: i used to get tons! i really enjoy them, even the trolls to some degree. i must have seemed like more of a regular tumblr geek girl back in the day. also tumblr has just changed a lot since then. my blog was definitely a casualty of Best Stuff First, i think my follower count stopped dead forever right when that happened, and now that practically every single fucking thing on this entire site is either fandom shit or *discourse*, i really have nothing to offer tumblr anymore, anyway.

Blogs following: 1,057.

Lucky numbers: 2! Also 5.

What I’m wearing: black wool long john pants from Chrome, and a white v neck teeshirt with the words BLACK MAYONNAISE on it in black Rocky Horror font. i live near the notoriously toxic Gowanus Canal, and “black mayonnaise” is the actual term used to describe what’s on the bottom of it, by the scientists who are trying to figure out what to do with it.

Dream trip: i am really excited by travel, it’s hard to pick. i’m hopefully making a dream trip soon though: my father’s mysterious finno-swedish family is from the åland islands, and my husband and i will be planning part of our honeymoon there, whenever that happens.

Dream Job: i think about this a lot, because the older i get, the more i object to the entire concept of having to work to live. i’m into the whole universal basic income thing. i’m at this point where i can barely stand to think about capitalism in any way--like i think about how the need for money is so mortally serious that there’s a lot of physical stuff in the world that only exists because someone was scared of starving, tons of useless products and packaging and factory byproducts and all kinds of fucking straight up garbage that was only invented due to the lethality of poorness. i would rather be left totally alone forever if possible. however, if i HAD to do something and i COULD do anything, it would probably be film criticism. this fantasy takes place in a world where people care so much about what i have to say that i can make a career, not only out of movie writing, but out of only writing about the specific movies i want to write about, referring to nothing other than my personal reactions.

Favorite food: i wish the answer weren’t just “cheese”, but it probably is. also mushrooms. anything cinnamon. i’m a pretty adventurous eater though. the most important thing for me is a variety of flavors and textures.

Languages: english. i took several years of italian in junior high-high school, and did nothing with it. i taught myself to read french pretty fluently, but i would fold right up if someone tried to speak to me. i learned a bunch of swedish on duolingo, shoulda kept it up. i’ll get back to it! i really regret never learning spanish though, so i’m easily torn on what to do with my time.

Play any instruments: clarinet in junior high/high school, also alto sax which i did not enjoy at all, a little guitar. i bought a used electric bass last year that i have really been enjoying, but i feel a lot of guilt around not playing enough. so much of it is just strength training. that’s probably what i like about it, though. also i got a lot of electronic music software and midi controllers and stuff...and then i realized that it could take me months to sort through the thousands of samples i have to program this stuff, and i only got so far into it before i started to get discouraged. i need to get back to it, it’s ridiculous to let that stuff lie around. this is a rare example of me wishing i knew someone local to play with, who could speed me along on how everything works.

Favorite songs: another one of these impossible questions! anybody who is even reading this can probably guess the answers from the handful of music posts i reblog over and over and over. the other night i got all hyperactive and forced my husband to drop everything and listen to “buffalo stance” by nene cherry, which i never ever get sick of. real top contenders for favorite song might be “Stand By the Jamms” by the klf, and this recording, which has gotten me through many difficult hours:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8k1HsF3EvY

https://www.forcedexposure.com/Catalog/sunray-sonic-boom-music-for-the-dreamachine-cd/STRAWB.003CD.html

Random fact: i’m sure i’m missing out on something really funny and cool, but for now it’s just the well-known fact that i read palms.

Describe yourself as aesthetic thing: man, how do i answer this without being totally pretentious? maybe nobody can! i’m coming up with something really hard to describe but it will be worth it. the other day i watched this insane, completely unnecessary movie about lorca and salvador dali (played by robert pattinson) as gay lovers. there’s a scene in it where lorca does that “pick a hand” thing to dali, and dali picks an empty hand. of course, they’re both poor students who couldn’t be buying any gifts, so they do this obnoxious pantomime where dali pretends lorca actually gave him something--but then it turns out that lorca really DOES have something. he opens his other hand and gives dali...SOMETHING. i don’t know what! they make such a big deal out of it, but what the hell? you see it for a second in this closeup, but it’s shot from like, behind and slightly underneath, and it is just unrecognizable. it’s sort of an orange blob? it’s probably meant to be a sculpture. but, i love the idea of doing the “pick a hand” thing to somebody, and the other person is just like...hey wait a minute, what the fuck even IS this??

it reminded me of one of the most amazing things anyone ever did at my school, bard college. this genius art student who I WISH I COULD NAME TO CREDIT HER did her senior project as this like...made up product. i saw them at the senior show, hanging off a spinner rack, like you’d see next to the register in the drug store. they were called Toilet Buddies. they were these plastic, brightly colored objects that looked like toys, but they didn’t have a familiar earthly shape, and because of the title, it was IMPOSSIBLE to imagine what to do with them. so, she gets the lipstick cam from the film department, and shoots this video of herself sneaking some Toilet Buddies into Walmart. then she takes them to the register and BUYS THEM--the baffled cashier looks for them for a while, and eventually just rings them up as a general grocery or something. then in part 2, the artist TAKES THEM BACK TO THE STORE WITH THE RECEIPT AND GETS A REFUND.

so anyway, i see myself as like a fake product--something that looks just familiar enough to exit, and that appears to have a designated purpose, but it’s just kind of cheap and foreign and it becomes nightmarish to try to imagine what to do with it.

I don’t know if anyone i know will want to do this, but i tag @negativepleasure @moviesludge @former-contender @dimestoreman @thefuzzydave @darkarfs @theoddsideofme @blueruins ...um, i don’t really know who would enjoy this. the ultimate would be @garbagenacht

#long post

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noiseartists · 6 years ago

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HOIRONG, talented post-indie noise bringers from India

Noise manipulators, from the Indian sub-continent, HOIRONG is a brainchild of frontman/guitarist - Kamal Singh. “The fat and ugly stepsister of pop music” is how they describe their music, and their latest album, Cow Gives Milk, is one of the best releases of 2019 from India that delivers an interesting mix of cleverly crafted Noise, Shoegaze, Punk and everything in between.

Basically you alternate between Madness and Pure Joy in beautifully crafted songs. Be ready to be entertained, enjoyed and surprised.

Here are a few example to listen to, illustrating the band’s variety of sounds and influences:

Note that they are part of Noise Artists Indian Shoegaze, Noise & Dream Pop volume 1 with other great bands We invite you in this piece to discover their music, who they are (interview, as whacky as their music can be), where to find their music and more information on the band.

THE BAND

The current line-up is:

Kamal

Akhil

Akshat

THE MUSICAL WORK

HOIRONG diverse musical work to date is as follows:

Cow Gives Milk (April 2019)

Mwah, LP, (May 2016)

The Old Newz, EP, (April 2015)

Dandaniya Apradh, LP, (August 2014)

Nursery Lies, LP, (2014)

A Hoirong Christmas (2013)

The Resurrection Of The Princess Of Woe And Her Vampire Hound Posse, LP, (March 2013)

Singles:

If I Slit Your Throat Would Your Blood Turn To Doves That Fly Out From Your Neck And Leave Me In Complete Awe, Nov 2014

23/24 (Dennis Rodman Tribute), Nov 2014

Under Section 87, 2014

Covers:

I Swear (All For One), March 2015

Lakhan (From The Movie - Ram Lakhan), July 2015

1979 (Smashing Pumpkins), June 2018

Titanium (David Guetta), 2013

Aaja Meri Gaadi Mein Betja (Baba Sehgal, Anu Malik), 2013

2 Become 1 (Spice Girls), 2014

Enter Sandman (Metallica), 2014

Smile (Unknown Artist), 2014

THE INTERVIEW

What is your music about?

Kamal: Living, Love, Laughter and Food

Akshat: Living, Love, Laughter, Food and Suicide

Tell us about the artists you have worked with.

Kamal: They are very good and it was a pleasure to work with each and every one of them.

We look forward to crossing paths once again in this lifetime.

Having said that, there are some people we have never worked with and never ever, ever…. like EVER want to work with them. We also have very bad things to say about them.

Akshat: Ryan Seacrest, Simon Cowell, that Masterchef guy, and many others. We like to work with Hoirong’s.

Where are you from? Where are you living now?

Kamal: India, We live in different cities…but we could say that we are based in Delhi/Bangalore

Akshat: What Kamal said, But additionally, seems like Akhil lives on twitter since we barely hear from him other than his tweets.

Akhil: We are a dysfunctional group where, half the time, we have no idea what the others are up to. But we get together (digitally) every few months when it’s time to work on music or release something.

What did you study?

Kamal: Quite a few things that I now realise I completely wasted my time on. That does not mean in any way that I had or have better things to do. Not at all. Not one millisecond of that thought even crosses my mind but maybe it did and I am in denial because I am mentioning it and in some way defending it. If it was not true why would I even be saying it.

Akshat: The art of following pursuits which will probably amount to nothing or very little at all

Akhil: Kamal is trying to say in a roundabout way that he studied music therapy. Akshat dropped out of engineering college I think. I studied English literature and journalism for some reason.

Kamal: No, I’m not. I was talking about school and the many things I tried to study and tormented myself.

What is your day job at present if any?

Kamal: Music Therapy

Akshat: New media Artist / FIlmmaker

Akhil: Writer/journalist.

Do you dream to live from your music or is it a passion you do not want to spend your full time on?

Kamal: This is definitely a trick question. My answer is … None of the above…. and …. Music is a dream and time is life. And to freely misquote Steve Vai “Passion is Warfare”

Akshat: No I don’t dream to live

Akhil: Never. Have you heard our music?

You have a great history. Could you tell us more on how the band came to be and its history really?

Kamal: The band came as a surprise. Hoirong began out of the intention of never being a band. It’s just misery to be a band and totally unproductive and completely useless. Why would anyone want to be in a band??? Everything I’ve just said here is a lie. This is just total reverse psychology to myself and everyone who has stood with us through the thick and thin that life has offered us. I would like to apologise on behalf of the band for all our mistakes and for the utter irresponsibility we have carried ourselves with. We have disappointed you and therefore, we hang our heads in shame and self disgust.

Akshat: I was and am a fan of Kamal’s writing before joining the band. One day he asked me out for a date, and I was like “Really”, and he was like “Really” and I was like “Damn, this is a dream come true”, and he was like “Give me 3 Rohypnol” to the chemist. Things are a little blurry after that, but safe to say nothing was the same ever since.

Akhil: Short answer: Kamal started it off as a solo thing to put out his music and Akshat and I barged our way into it and insisted he play with us.

Could you tell me how the band meet and decided to do music together?

Kamal: Mostly we just text each other. Recently we started sending each other voice messages on whatsapp.

Akshat: We usually try not to communicate unless absolutely necessary.

Akhil: Same as above.

Can you tell me the inspiration behind your band? You can detect the influences of noise and punk rock. You took these influences to make your own music, your own sound, which is not easy. Could you tell more?

Kamal: Yes, this is true. We might have done this without realising. By the way, the Air Jordans on Snapdeal, I am told, are fake.

Akshat: The 80’s No-wave movement, the 90’s garage and alternative movements, and basically every sound made by people dressed as bums.

Akhil: All the pretentious art movements of the last many decades.

Kamal: Wow! That’s a lot of putting together. We might have outdone ourselves.

Can you tell us about some of your favourite bands, the music you listen now, some you may want to bring the attention from the reader to?

Kamal: I like the music of Space Behind the Yellow Room and my new favourite band is Lo! Peninsula. Yes, both the bands paid me to say that and yes, I am the promoter for both the bands and so I just take every chance I get to plug them? Yeah!! we plug them both as hard as we can. Plug it to ya! Its plugged in!!!

Having said that, both these band would sound terrible unplugged.

Akshat: Indian bands I love are Lifafa, The Superfuzz, and HOIRONG.

You should definitely listen to HOIRONG. They are better than the other two I mentioned.

Akhil: Hoirong and Carly Rae Jepsen.

Was there a vision of sorts or did you know what you wanted to do when you started up?

Kamal: Yes. It was very clear - don’t waste my time. I did not mean that you are wasting my time. I meant that I and we as some sort of band should not waste time. Please believe me.

Akshat: Yeah there was a vision. It was meant to be like the opening 20 minutes of ‘Almost Famous’, but ended up being more like the ending 10 minutes of ‘The Shining’

Akhil: Just playing music.

Do you have any other musical side projects apart from this band?

Kamal: Yes, we have a few.

Akhil: We’re all always doing something or the other musically. Most of it is shit.

Could you tell me more on the band composition? Do you have plans to add new members, or is there possible departure scheduled from existing band members?

Kamal: Yes, we plan to add band members because there has always been a possibility that Akhil actually finally leaves us and joins a very famous world music fusion band. Well!.... good for him and good for them.

Akshat: I really hope Akhil stops holding us back after this album and quits. Akhil i hope you are reading this.

Akhil: We might get rid of the drummer.

Can you tell us more how you came to have the band’s name?

Kamal: It suited us so well, we had no way to talk ourselves out of it.

Who writes the song and the music and how do you get to the final song? Is it a community process, do you have leaders in composing or arranging music?

I, Kamal, the control freak Dictator won’t let anyone do anything.

Akshat: Supreme Leader and Commander in grief, Kamalala writes the frame, and then together we create the painting which eventually makes people eyes and ears bleed.

Akhil: Kamal writes all the songs (because we let him) and then we work on them - sometimes together, usually individually.

Do you listen to the advice of your band mates? What would you do if they said a song was shit but you liked it?

Kamal: Best way to deal with these situations is not to answer phone calls, ignore text messages and never make the mistake of opening whatsapp messages, you know what I mean? because if you do then the blue double fake nike logos change colour and... that’s that then.

Akshat: Never. I am the best and know better than everyone else in this band. +1 to what Kamal said

Akhil: No.

Was it kind of intimidating going to record knowing people might not be engaging with the songs in terms of hooks and such and trying to deliver an engaging sound on record?

Kamal: Oh! No! not at all. We are very confident and self assured as individuals. We have very high self-worth and self-esteem.

Akshat: Every night while finishing my daily bottle of scotch, I think, nay hope, that people will get our music, but know that it is too ahead of its time, and that they will never, and then I cry myself to sleep. Every night.

Akhil: No, I think we’ve gotten past those insecurities for the most part.

Talking about the lyrics: who write them? Is there a common thread in them, a theme? Who chose the songs’ name?

Who else…. that Dictator control freak.

Do you labor over your lyrics? Is that something that comes easy?

Kamal: Not at all. I wouldn’t say it was easy…. I think it comes fairly easily. Like… not too bad types. Yeah, medium speed and medium pace.

Do you have a message that you want to get across in your music? If so, what are some of the messages you want to spread?

Kamal: Yes we do. Love, Beauty, Peace, Child Labour, E-waste and Save the Forest and also Save the Tiger.

Did your listening habits changed over the years and does it affect what you write?

Kamal: Yes, We have gotten more impatient and maybe that has made us very idiotic as people too. I don't think we'll make it very far if we don't do something about it soon.

Akshat: Yes listening habits have changed. Earlier there was lesser access, but more meaning. Now there’s infinite access, but far lesser meaning, there’s an overpopulation of content and that is diluting the value and timelessness of art. but that’s just me. It affects how one thinks, feels and of course writes music. I think there is more pressure now than ever to write meaningful music and not contribute to the pile of crap already out there.

Akhil: My listening habits change every few months but I think we all will continue to like punk and the dirty guitar rock that informs Hoirong often.

How is your recognition going worldwide? Is it growing? Are you happy with it?

Kamal: It’s terrible. No we are the opposite of Happy. We are turning into a bunch of jealous crocodiles.

Akshat: We are world famous in India

Is it easy to find producers and studios where you live for indie-rock?

Kamal: Yeah, but none of them want to work with us. We keep asking for discounts and tell them we will pay them when we become famous or from the gigs we play but we never do and now they know all this too well to make fools of themselves anymore. I totally get it. No offense meant and none taken.

Your recorded sound is very good, which is not easy. Did you engineer the sound yourself, or did you have a sound engineer with you? If yes could you tell us more about him/her?

Kamal: No one wants to work with us. Viraj Mohan took bait once along with Keshav Dhar but now they know all our tricks.

Akhil: Not that he needs any more flattery, but the new record - as with a lot of the old ones - has been produced by Kamal on his Acer desktop.

Was it a community work to try to have the best sounding music possible or mainly driven by the sound engineer or by the band?

Kamal: Ok. Now you’re just trying to rub it in no?

Can you tell us how the recording process was?

Kamal: Terrible. Boring and very very tiring.

Akhil: For me, it was just recording hundreds of guitar parts to the songs at home and waiting for the mixes to see what made it and how the songs changed shape.

Could you let us know some important technical tricks you learnt during the process that could help other musicians not as experienced?

Kamal: Making Akhil play his parts and not recording him.

Akhil: He’s talking shit.

How did the recording work differ over time?

Kamal: We started paying more attention to the complaints we were receiving. This decision has led to purchasing a new sound card and a couple of headphones along with a laptop charger.

Akshat: We are very democratic and heard the public and acted upon it. One of the main issues people had with our music was Akhil’s crap guitar playing. So now, in this new album, we have basically buried his parts waaaaaaayyyyy in the back of the mix so that they are there but not there.

Akhil: Why is the drummer answering music related questions? Learn to play a real instrument first.

Is the recording material yours when you are out of a studio or do you borrow/rent it?

Kamal: No, no. We own everything we have.

Akshat: We mostly just burn the evidence after. That’s why no two albums of ours sound the same.

Akhil: I bought a brand new soundcard just to record my parts for this album.

Any interesting anecdotes on some recording session you would like to share?

Kamal: No, not really.

Did getting the live experience across on record create any pressure for yourselves in the recording process?

Kamal; No, the other method is severely pressurising, demotivating and very very emotionally destructive.

Akhil: If anything, Hoirong’s live sound (if we ever play live) tends to be very different from how we are on record.

Instruments: Are you mainly a Fender band?

Kamal: We don’t own any fenders but having said that we have seen some of them here and there *ahem* *cough* *cough* *hint* *hint*

Akshat: Dude there is a drummer in this band as well, what the fuck? Couldn’t you have mentioned a drum brand just for courtesy? That’s it, my interview is over.

*throws rock star tantrum and stops answering questions*

Akhil: Fender sucks. I am a left-handed guitar player and I play a PureSalem. I originally wanted a Fender Jazzmaster. But while the righty version was some $700, the EXACT SAME GUITAR left-handed would have cost me $3500 as well as import duties and a waiting period through the custom shop.

Kamal: Ooooo so much to talk about suddenly. “PureSalem”

Do you have one favorite instrument or do you change often?

Kamal: I change often.

Tell us what you are looking when trying to achieve your sounds? Do you experiment a lot or have a clear idea of what you want?

Kamal: Both.

Who is the more knowledgeable with pedals? You use them a lot, to great effect.

Kamal: Akshat is the expert.

PS - I just realised that pedals could mean 5 different things.

He could be the expert in selling drugs.

He could be an expert bicycle guy.

He could be an expert in guitar effects.

He could be an expert in hi hat and kick drum pedals.

He could be an expert race car driver.

See...Now… we will never know the correct answer.

Akshat: Kamal knows me so well.

How many concerts a year would you do on average and what would be the size of the venue?

Kamal: Last year we did one concert. The size of the venue was good. The stage was small so one of us had to stand off stage. It was difficult to concentrate on the gig trying to make sure our bandmate was not feeling out of place.

Akhil: it wasn’t last year, it was 2016.

Kamal: Oh!

Would you mind sharing some good anecdotes from your concerts/touring?

Kamal: Not enough experience to share any anecdotes.

Akshat: Kamal lies. He has a knack of getting into fights with people, which Akshat tries to diffuse, and then he gets angry at Akshat and beats the shit out of him. This has happened at 2 different festivals with people of 2 different nationalities.

Kamal : Akshat????

What are some places around the world that you hope to take your band? Do you have any plans at present to tour in other countries?

Kamal: Yes, we hope to be able to play in at least one more country apart from India.

Is there any reason in particular that you want to go to these places? Is there something about the music scene in those places that makes you want to go there?

Kamal: No reason really.

THE SCENE

Is it easy for an Indian indie bands to be known internationally? Do you have any example?

Kamal: Maybe it is. We hope it is.

Akshat: Not really. No one really cares about Indian bands not singing in Hindi since its not exotic enough.

Has the scene changed since you began, and if so how?

Kamal: Yes, the cover bands have come back. Yay!

Akshat: Yes, when we started there was a live band scene in India, quite a nice one at that. Then the Dj’s and EDM took over and now we don’t have that many live bands and a scene as such. But such is life , and thats a trend everywhere. Not hating, just stating.

Akhil: Not hating just stating lol.

Could you tell us a bit more about your record label and your relationship with it?

Kamal: We have no relationship with any record label.

How did the funding worked for the LP? Did you invest a lot yourself? Was your label supportive in that respect?

Kamal: No, no one supported us. We have no funding and we don’t really invest in ourselves. We learned the hard way. The only reason we are still around is because we believe in ourselves and would not give up no matter what.

Akshat: lol, what funding?

Where does the majority of the money go when you’re paying your own way?

Kamal: The funny part is there actually is no money that comes or goes anywhere when you are paying your own way. The money is just over, finished!

Akshat: lol, what money?

Do you make a decent revenue from your music or is it still very much a hobby?

Kamal: Not at all, we make a killing.

Akshat: Lol, What revenue?

How do you sell your recordings (shops, online, …)?

Kamal: Please Akshat, please surprise me by saying. “Lol, what shops?, Lol, what online?”

Akshat: Shops selling physical music in this digital age? Lol, … (stops himself)

Kamal: Rolls eyes dramatically.

Akshat: Rolls eyes back with double drama.

Akhil: Bandcamp is great. Other than that, we’re now on all the major streaming services, so we expect to make around $0.00006 for every thousand plays.

When is the next album due?

Kamal: Very soon. Akshat: With Akhil, probably in 2 years. Without Akhil, Yesterday

Akhil: Once we figure out our drummer scene.

Any other project (ie movies soundtrack, …) or plans.

Kamal: Yes, A collaboration with traditional Manipuri folk music.

Akshat: I’ve been writing some music independently, and with another band called Mag Phos so more music there

Akhil Sood: I write aimless music at home under the name Free Drone. I recently got a Chinese four-string guitar called a xuian (sp?) so maybe something with that.

Do you plan to continue music for a long time or are you tired of it?

Kamal: Both, I am tired of it but I plan to continue making music for a long time.

Akshat: It’s like that first girlfriend you had, whom you truly fell in love with but are also horrible together. You know you are bad for each other, because it’s all so volatile, but that’s also what keeps bringing you back to it. But it’s also like you’ve both become middle aged now, and are kinda like friends with benefits. How long that is going to last, well we’ll find out.

Kamal: Middle aged?

Akshat: Yeah, middle aged.

Kamal: Ok.

Akhil: Same answer as Kamal.

Anything else you want the reader to know?

Kamal: This interview is very long. Don’t hesitate taking a piss break or having a snack in between, do some stretches, a couple of push ups, watch some tele and then come back.

A good music video to watch

youtube

Watch the video of Oppurtunity on youtube.

Where to find your work? Where can people buy you music

Ok Listen, Bandcamp, Spotify and Itunes.

Provide some bands from your country, that would be worthwhile listening.

Space Behind the Yellow Room, Lo! Peninsula, MC Kaur

Anyone you like to thank?

We want to thank ourselves for hanging in there.

Follow HOIRONG here:

Facebook

Twitter

Youtube

#India #Noise Rock

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sailorswelcome · 6 years ago

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WOWZA

tagged by @hi-im-eilidh thanks mom ur the loml and i would Absolutely die for you. also in writing this i just discovered grammarly has a tumblr extension. hmmmm.

what’s the smell of your shampoo?

I wash my hair..... like once every two weeks? bc i have so little of it and it doesn't need to be washed ever. the shampoo i keep at school is rosemary and the stuff i have at home is lemon, but it took so much effort to remember this bc i just never wash my hair bc im disgusting.

what’s your aesthetic?

luckily for me i have a pinterest board called aesthetic with 2.6k pins so i have a VERY clear idea for this. lumberjack shit, “the north” in general; ice and woods and glaciers and mountains and stuff. museums and classical things; art history and rome and greece bc thats just my shit. coffee shops, pretentious looking people smoking cigarettes, warm socks, log cabins, standing in the snow, words written in paintbrush over photos of landscapes, the moon, the sea, the desert.

what’s your favorite time of the day and why?

between 2 and 3 am bc i am horrible at sleeping. the light is always very beautiful then no matter where you are idk why. it is nice to look out the window then or take a walk or sit in the hall when everyone else on your floor is asleep. its just always very quiet and beautiful.

what do you most like about the beach?

GOOOOOOOD I LOVE THE BEACH uhhhhhh hgngngngngn i like it at night and in the winter and i like to look at it from on top of a cliff bc i love the way you can see every dip and sandbar because the color of the water changes... i love when its really clear in the early spring and you can see the seals after they dive underwater. I love the beach at night and swimming at night and the moon's reflection on the water and i love when it gets REALLY cold some winters and parts of the harbor will actually freeze and you get these huge chunks of ice washing up. I love when big chunks of driftwood wash up and you can use them as benches. I love the beach a lot can u tell.

what do you worry about constantly?

dark question op! i worry about Everything but mostly that I’ll never be happy, and that i’m annoying and a bad friend. everything else is just stemming from that.

what is a song you’ve cried to before?

i’ve cried to almost every single song i know but the number one hard hitters are I Need My Girl by The National, Lakeside View Apartments Suite by The Mountain Goats, and I’d Rather Be With Them by Marika Hackman. Those last two are both hit me with their lines about being really sad and throwing up which is just a trope that gets me I guess. oofa.

what are some relaxing tips for your followers?

i have never once in my life been relaxed but i would say mixing up the ways that you relax? having a really consistent routine to relax has never worked for me bc it stops working after a while and i just autopilot through it. talk to a friend, play some music, draw, go for a walk, take a nap on the floor instead of your bed, take a bath. journal, drink some water, eat something. try something new every time depending on what is stressing you out. go with the flow dudes.

what are some things that make you tear up?

like. all music as i said i have cried at Every song. also a lot of movies make me tear up. idk this is a bad question bc i just start crying sometimes for no reason i think my eyes just do that. i was hanging out with a friend one time and my eyes just started leaking and he was like hey whats wrong? and i was like no idea! its a mystery to us both

what is your favorite from each sense?

sight - sunlight falling on the floor through windows

smell - hey this is going to sound so weird but im OBSESSED with the smell of the chemicals they put in air conditioners and freezers. its my favorite smell in the world. i dont know why i just smell a refrigerator and nut

taste - this is honestly the first thing i could think of but on christmas eve i was at @hi-im-eilidh ‘s house and her mom made biscuits and like holy shit

sound - catholic boys choir hitting a high note in a big cathedral

touch - holding hands im gay

what is an alternative reality you’ll like to live in?

noir detective novel where i am very cool and i have 20/20 vision and a gun and i can monologue

what are some troubles you face on a daily basis?

i am always stressed and lonely and i have no money for gas as i drive a pickup truck. also my friends who i love dearly always SPILL FOOD IN MY CAR, AND DONT PICK IT UP, IS THIS YOUR FUCKING BEDROOM I DONT THINK SO CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF GGOD

what is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?

there is this post-apocalyptic book called After The Snow and i don't remember much of it but i know the protagonist was this boy and he had a cave full of animal skulls that he like worshipped and talked to and i just remember that made me really sad bc everyone thought he was weird for having any sort of remaining spirituality after the world had ended but like god he was doing so well it made me big sad

say something to your followers:

sorry this post was so fuckign long and depressing! i promise i am usually not this sad! these are just cursed questions. also hey... i love u all.. thanks for putting up with me

im tagging @brushite bc i love her and want her to suffer thru answering these

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misterbitches · 2 years ago

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(SNOB vOICE excuse me for talking abt myself on my own blog 2 no one...im always sf paranoid ppl think i'm being more pretentious than i actually am if they stumble upon my untagged posts)

i'm not a creative writer which is why i went to film school and not real school and write scripts. but i'll watch something dumb and post fics every now and then. so during lockdown i got this crazy idea in my head abt this very self-indulgent ridiculously boring but fun-for-me character study fic for winteam. i don't even know why i would have gotten the urge, i just liked them so much and bounprem's dynamic too.

around that time things everywhere were super fraught (still fucking is obviously) but it was when the pandemic was super bad and people were dropping like FLIES and there was constant state-sanctioned murder. in thailand there were a lot of protests because of a coup going on there and a protester in the VICE video i watched on it said music helped them deal with the poverty and drug use in the slum they lived in in thailand. the left and/or artistic, indie, DIY scenes in other countries always fascinate, inspire, and entice me. uniteasia is a great resource for alternative asian music. a large chunk is dedicated to metal, which i'm not into, but there's a decent amount of post-/punk, DIY/grunge, indie/alt, and post-hardcore. i've been seeing a lot of shoegaze lately too.

so all this brewing in me i started to really think about a (queer) anarcho-commieesque band au fic but team is a (gasp) [cis] girl and i know i know boo hoo but also fuck that! i got a comment about that which bugged me cause i had to justify my sexuality which was weird because why are we both not embarrassed to be on ao3? i get the impulse but no because it was specifically because of all the stuff above and me listening to a lot of my favorite bands like nirvana—in uwma win had posters of nirvana on his wall plus his hair (which could be poser-ish but now he has like 3 and a radiohead poster and an arctic monkeys and oasis poster so you know what werq plus i am actually a poser)—and hole, fiona apple (who had just come out with her new album), vince staples, a bunch of other good shit, and getting into sonic youth. it just got me thinking of like music and art and diy and gender and identity because that's something those bands/people talk(ed) about and struggled with, along with sexuality obviously, and i wrote a lot; still writing. so much was going on then but like life had to stop so so much wasn't? that intensity they bring...what it would be like when there's so much shit going on in the world, if team was different when shit is so different. in any other circumstance, i wouldn't have imagined this specific scenario (i published one? i think or maybe two fics i had for them b4 and wrote some on my own)

anyway i thought about just taking it down and completely reworking some of it into some script for some dumb romcom i'd attempt to write in a pipe dream for it to get made but these 2 are just too compelling for me and now that this show is here??!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?! they're the only ship that could make me give half of a shit enough to even think this hard or continue something for up to 2 fucking years or even think about it. and for what? cos the fic is bad cos again can't write like that but just what? they had FORTY MINUTES in uwma. that's actually bonkers insane. like i cannot believe this????? how can i clown on them too much when they got so many of us fuckin' whipped. it's fun writing them just being hot and cool and doing art tho lmao it's fun watching them jus tbeing hot and cool and freakishly in love anyway i'm editing the stuff i've written and posted and will just save it instead of reposting. so if anyone ever read it before they can be extremely surprised at how different it is ^___^

speaking of music prem's song is really fuckin' good it's just the right amount of good pop with an edge it's a greaaaaaat background song for their scenes. genuinely good and i am never a fan of tv OSTs they are usually generic to me

#aaammm

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beaniegara · 6 years ago

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11 Questions

tagged both by @yaboybergara and @ricky-goldsworth which is great because that gives me 22 questions mwahhahaha thank you folks!! <3

RULES

1. always post the rules

2. answer the questions given by the person who tagged you

3. write 11 questions of your own

4. tag 11 people you want to get to know better (or however many you want)

now, see, I don’t know what to ask........ so I’m gonna be a little shit and tag folks to pick 11 of these 22 questions and answer them too. nini and gray pls don’t sue me for reusing your questions, thank fdgkfndgfdsk I’m tagging @kaylotta, @queerunsolved, @haunted-gays, @thatmademadej, and @i-am-ghost-proof-baby <3 if yall wanna do it, of course. no pressure.

this is incredibly long (and uncomfortably honest). let’s go lesbians let’s go

first, nini’s questions:

1. How many pets have you had in your life?

one. I’ve always wanted them but my mom and I have always lived in tiny apartments and had no way to care for a pet so it wasn’t until I was 17 that we adopted a kitten!! his name was merlin and he was the laziest, moodiest lil ball of fluff I’ve ever met. I.. had to give him away a year later because we moved to a place even smaller that wouldn’t allow pets so long story short I’m scarred for life and don’t think I can ever take any more pets without feeling guilty to my bone

this is merlin btw I love him with all my heart and he now lives in a farm. as far as I know anyway.. :(

2. Do you believe in destiny? Why?

mmm interesting question. weird, metaphysical theories aside, I don’t believe anything is set in stone per se, but I do believe that some things are just... meant to be? in a way? for example, you can’t tell me ryan and shane weren’t meant to be friends and find each other in such an unlikely place as they did. one of my mottos, completely stripped from context because it’s from a rather pretentious tv show, is “the universe is rarely so lazy”. meaning that good things happen for a reason, and that you trailed that path for that to happen. yknow what I’m saying? I can’t really explain this without writing a 10 page essay because that’s just how my gemini ass thinks

3. If you could chose one person on the great beyond, would you take the chance to talk to them?

you mean someone who has passed away? oh yeah, I would talk to my grandmother. she was raising me and died when she was 4 and that changed not only my entirely life but our whole extended family dynamic... so many questions.

4. From all your hobbies, which one would you love to make a living of?

oh man, writing. I’ve been dreaming of being a writer ever since I was 9 or something. never panned out but that would certainly be the dream. if I could work with videos, subtitling, tv shows, cinema etc that would also be dope as hell!

5. What’s your favorite color palette to wear?

fkgjfsdgiusfdksd I have no fashion sense whatsoever, idk? I do like to wear dark clothes (because weight..) and reds (because pale).

6. What’s your opinion on queerbaiting?

I don’t have the time for it. for starters, it’s something that usually comes from people with very poor writing skills that can’t come up with plots interesting enough to keep viewers/readers hooked in. that already says something. no offense to anyone who is a fan of shows like these, but when it’s mostly written by white men I just don’t have any high hopes for it. you can ask flavs what my reaction was like when I realized the character I had headcanon’ed as wlw in hannibal was actually a wlw. I couldn’t believe it, because what???? since when does that happen, especially in a show run by a white man??? kjdfghsjgd

I think this is part of a bigger conversation but my point is, don’t fall for it. I know it’s all part of the fight for representation, asking big names to produce big shows with lgbtq+ characters in it and so on, but for the love of god, watch something else too!!!! let GOT rot and die!!!!!!!!! look up different, smaller, cheaper shows, that’s where you find lgbtq+ content creators!!!!!! there’s so many wlw webseries out there, you wouldn’t believe it. you have a choice. don’t give any more of your time and love and word-of-mouth to shows/movies that clearly have no interest in being more diverse. they don’t deserve you.

and that’s not to say any of it is on us. quite on the contrary, they’re using us. but aside from calling out their bullshit, we do have a chance to boost lgbtq+ content creators. don’t let them fool you into thinking they’re doing you any favors, or that they’re our last chance so we should be paying attention to what they’re doing/saying. fuck them!!!! you can’t queerbait me because I don’t trust you or give you the chance to do it. and you can shove your very straight, very white shows where the sun doesn’t shine, @ hollywood.

7. Is there a language you would love to speak?

french and korean, mostly. I can understand a little bit of both, but I really wish I was fluent :( oh, will to live and learn, where art thou...

8. Do you have, like, a dream so wild you think it’s impossible?

kjgnsfdkjhjjs having enough money to support myself and my mother??? I don’t have any big, wild dreams, I think. just.......... living comfortably would be a+

9. How many AUs of your own life do you have in your head?

oh man. I keep thinking about living somewhere in idk iceland or scotland just like... tending goats or something. that’s the most comfortable version of myself I can think of.

I also like to imagine if I could handle being a film director, because that sounds like fun. maybe a screenwriter? anything creative in films, really.

there’s also the unattainable dream of having a wife and idk maybe adopting a kid? and we’d just. support each other. and love each other. and that’s just. I. [cries]

I like to think how things would be if I were actually hot and not socially awkward.. I’d be someone completely different, basically lol

10. If you were to meet your younger self, do you think they would think you cool or not?

oh god, younger me would hate present me D: I had such high hopes for myself, I had lots of dreams lol never in a million years did I think I’d be where I am today...

11. Not a question, but please add something postive about yourself, something that you love about you.

IDJFSSIODUGSDFKGDSJ IT’S LIKE YOU KNEW I’D BE A NEGATIVE FUCK, NINI. I................................ I like that I have an easy time with languages? or with classes in general. I like to learn from people, I’m just really unmotivated to leave the house lol

now onto gray’s q’s:

1. What’s your favourite music video of all time?

straight-up impossible questions right out of the gate huh I SEE YOU, GRAY. I SEE YOU kjdfgjfsdhgkdsjfs

I’ll have to go with a few,

“prototype” by viktoria modesta is just GORGEOUS. I can’t get over this video & song and it’s been years.

youtube

“jackpot” by block b looks creepy as shit but the context makes it such a clever yet fun video. take into account that these guys were screwed over by the kpop company that created the group, and that the lyrics talk about hitting jackpot in an industry that’s savage to say the least. to me this video is a visual representation of what a dangerous trap entertainment companies are in the kpop industry, and it also ties in with the groups’ story of being made into dolls by a company and then telling them to fuck off in the end lol

youtube

“treat me like your mother” by the dead weather. I don’t know why I just love it. (cw: gun violence)

youtube

“emperor’s new clothes” by panic! at the disco. I MEAN, LOOK AT IT.

youtube

“manyo maash” by puer kim. I just love the aesthetic?

youtube

honorable mention: “tick tick boom” by the hives because that’s a banger. ba dum tssss.

2. What’s a favourite memory of yours?

I have plenty of good memories, thank god. I think one of my favorites is just hanging out with my friends in 2008-9; one of their older brothers was driving us around town, we were listening to the white stripes at full volume, singing along, all sitting pressed up close together in his shitty car. man, my teenage years would’ve been fantastic if I had stayed there with them!!

3. Do you play video games? If so, which one’s your favourite?

I DO!!! I mean, not as much as I’d like because a) no money to spare on games/consoles, and b) I suck at basically everything. but I’m obsessed with paladins these days, and I’m also a big fan of LOTRO. I like horror games--mostly the resident evil and silent hill type--and fps. I grew up playing some tomb raider, medal of honor, resident evil... oh, those were the days.

4. How did you first get into [your fandom of choice]?

with bfu it was that kind of thing where I’d see a meme or two cross my dash and it was always this ridiculous screenshot, or those “that’s it, that’s the show” kinda things with dozens of thousands of notes... until one day I was incredibly anxious, and I needed to watch something or I’d never finish the assignments I had for college. so I just thought “oh hey I should check out that unsolved thing people like so much, it’s buzzfeed so it’s probably good bg noise to work with” lol and it did work, and I did finish my assignments, and that means that I first watched the show barely paying any attention to it because I was busy doing something else. but ryan’s and shane’s voices helped me relax and to this day they still help a lot with my anxiety, to the point that I need to keep coming back every minute or so during episodes because I get distracted just listening to their voices and not absorbing a word lol

5. How did you first get into fandom in general?

uhh.. well, I was a big “pottermaniac” (that’s how I called it) since I was 9, but that was before I realized fandom was a Thing on the internet too. I remember when I was maybe 10 or 11, I entered a chatroom (god, those were wild) just in time to see someone saying in all caps HARRY POTTER IS GREAT AND YOU’RE ALL DUMB FOR NOT SEEING IT or something fkdsjgfdugfsdk and it was this girl using the nickname fawkes. she was older than me, I think that 15 or something, and we exchanged addresses (!!! how am I alive!!!) and were pen pals for a while. but it took me so fucking long to actually find the fandom online that I think my first brush with it was with the arctic monkeys forum I found online in 2008, where I mistakenly said I liked “the muse” and people laughed at me so I never went back to it lol then in 2010 I found out about kpop and that’s when I really dived head-first into fandom life. took me long enough (tbf I was very against the notion of being a “fan” because I was an idiot).

6. What’s at the top of your bucket list?

great fucking question. no idea. I guess.. traveling overseas? if we’re talking wild, distant things. but closer to my reality, getting a job that pays me at least the minimum wage disjgdfgkfsdk #fuckinternships

7. What’s something not many people know about you?

I love dancing and miss it like hell.

8. What’s your favourite medium for storytelling - movie, book, television, musical, comic, internet video, video game, something else? Why that medium?

ohhhhhhh this is an interesting question. as much as I love writing, and think that’s one of the best things we humans have ever come up with, I do love.. musicals? not necessarily theater--although that’s great and I’d sell my soul to see chicago live--but I love the idea of telling stories through music. I really wish we could bring back the custom of telling stories orally, and through music, and that we could as society agree that collective singing is beautiful and should be reintroduced in our day-to-day lives. sure listening to (1) artist singing is great but hAVE YOU TRIED SINGING ALONG DURING A CONCERT WHERE EVERYONE ELSE IS SINGING TOO? best fucking feeling in the world.

we had two bands in brazil, in different periods of time, that were so incredibly famous they’re still cornerstones in our music history. one was legião urbana, some folk-ey rock band that had a couple of songs telling these really long stories that I LOVE with all my heart. faroeste caboclo is our bohemian rhapsody, most people my age or older know the lyrics to it. and mamonas assassinas was this comical (?) rock band that sang dumb, fun songs that usually told stories too and that was the best. I miss that kinda thing.

9. What’s your favourite food?

red meat, mainly churrasco. but I also can’t live without chocolate milk AND the whopper. capitalism has me by the stomach.

10. Do you have a joke to share?

fjgfsdgskfdgfsk I don’t.. it’s been so long since I last tried telling a joke, I don’t think I know any?

11. What song/artist helped you through your struggles?

pitty has been a big part of my life for some 14-odd years now. “be ok” by ingrid michaelson and “starlight” by muse were my anthems when depression hit hard during my teenage years. the white stripes has also been a constant, with gems like “blue orchid” and “a martyr for my love for you” turning into sort of theme songs for certain parts of my life. choi sam helped me through college. and even though they were a huge disappointment to the point that I stopped listening to them altogether, block b gave me a good 4 or 5 years of distraction from life.

#not bfu #long post #txt #i hope to god the read more works #bc this is long as shitfuck

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snazzystarlight · 7 years ago

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1-60 :)

Thank you for catering to my attention-seeking, self-absorbed self. ily mads.

1. selfieI done posted!

2. what would you name your future kids?I don’t want kids even a little bit, but I want cats named Chad, Brian, and Craig

3. do you miss anyone?I really miss Sara and Brooke and Kalib and Alex right now!!

4. what are you looking forward to?I actually have a whole lot of projects planned-I’m redoing my YouTube and I’m pretty jazzed. I’m also excited to go to soc tomorrow morning.

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?Sara, 100%

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?I actually really don’t date much, but I have a philosophy that if you’re breaking up, then there’s a reason for it and it wasn’t meant to be. So breakups aren’t actually bad and I don’t think I mind them.

7. what was your life like last year?For the most part, really good! Jess and I had to deal with some really dumb stuff for a little while, but honestly I’ve had such a great time moving and going to college and working on the shop.

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?Yes! Literally yesterday because I’m having so many issues with financial aid for school.

9. who did you last see in person?Jess before she left for class. She’s probably the next person I’ll see, too, haha.

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?I don’t really try to, tbh.

11. are you listening to music right now?Nope, I’m watching Shane Dawson atm

12. what is something you want right now?A latte. However, this kid cannot afford to get daily Biggby.

13. how do you feel right now?Somewhat neutral--I’m real stressed about financial aid and one of the apartment situations, but honestly? I’ve got a lot to look forward to and I’m optimistic that things are gonna work out.

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?Not to sound lonely af, but I think the last dude to hug me was my dog, Joe Jonas.

15. personality descriptionI’m tired and always kinda angry, but for the most part I’m optimistic. I’m definitely kinda dumb, but I’m cool with that.

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?Oh, yeah, all the time. I have deal with some mean folks and I always try to keep my mouth shut and just chill instead of snapping at them.

17. opinion on insecurities.So, I really am not insecure about a lot of things, as I’m really passive and just roll with whatever I’ve got. I do understand people having them and I respect that they have a lot to deal with, but I definitely haven’t experienced it that much.

18. do you miss how things were a year ago?Not really. A year ago, I had just gotten out of high school and I was living at my parents’ place. I genuinely enjoy college and I like living on my own a whole lot. I do miss seeing Sara almost everyday, though.

19. have you ever been to New York?I passed through when I was like six, but it was night time and it was a blur.

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?“The Competition” by Kimya Dawson

21. age and birthday?I’m 18. My birthday is August 4 (just like Obama).

22. description of crush.A tasty soda

23. fear(s)Okay, so: people living in my home secretly, people grabbing my car door when I’m stopped at a light (that happened to me and I thought I’d die), and faces in my window.

24. heightStraight up five feet tall

25. role modelI really look up to Alex Fucking Smith (I have not told him this and I refuse to do so). He manages Sleep On It and writes tour journals and he’s just all around an exceptional dude.

26. idol(s)I don’t think I really have any? I kinda don’t believe in that because idolizing people is a bit messed up and puts them in a weird position when in reality we’re all people just trying to get by, you feel?

27. things i hatePeople who are mean for no dang reason, yelling in a context that is not a car ride scream fest

28. i’ll love you if…You are a cat

29. favourite film(s)Hellboy, Ghostbusters, Last Unicorn, Labyrinth.

30. favourite tv show(s)Bob’s Burgers, Parks and Rec

31. 3 random facts-I drink about a pot of coffee everyday-I hate wearing pants-I love Big Boy

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?I’m actually pals with a lot of gals and nb folks.

33. something you want to learnHow to actually edit videos. I have!! No idea!!

34. most embarrassing momentI yelled that I loved the McDonald’s employee who gave us extra shakes n burgers but it turns out he had not closed his window and neither had I. (This happened two days ago)

35. favourite subjectRight now, it’s either anthropology or sociology.

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?I want to be able to live off my art without ever worrying that I won’t be able to pay rent or tuition.(Madi you’re gonna hate this) I’d love to be able to give Harry Styles a set of songs after everything he and his mom did for me.I want to travel all around the States.

37. favourite actor/actressI don’t watch a ton of TV or movies.

38. favourite comedian(s)John Mullaney! And Iliza Shlesinger.

39. favourite sport(s)Every time my rooommate puts sports on the TV, I tell her it’s homophobia. But she plays hockey and I love her, so let’s say hockey?

40. favourite memorySara and I driving around, drinking lattes, and yelling. And then I get sick on the side of the road. I had too much milk in that latte and I yelled too much and then I almost died. Also the time she threw up on my dad in a car in full homestuck cosplay.

41. relationship statusWho’s to say?

42. favourite book(s)Ari and Dante Discover The Secrets of the Universe!

43. favourite song everLittle Things by One Direction

44. age you get mistaken forPeople who meet me in professional sessions assume I’m 24. People who meet me otherwise assume I’m 15.

45. how you found out about your idolI don’t really have one, but I really do look up to Alex. I met him through Sleep On It and when I helped Brad LePlant out with interviewing him. That was also the night he helped me not get kidnapped.

46. what my last text message saysIt’s literally me making plans with Brooke for the YouTube renovations.

47. turn onsIn a general, non-romantic type of way, I just like when people are chill, you feel?

48. turn offsAgain, in general. just people being rude or pretentious.

49. where i want to be right nowI’d actually really like to be in, like, a little cabin off on my own with some coffee.

50. favourite picture of your idolI don’t really have an idol, and I can’t think of specific pictures of people I look up to?

51. starsignLeo, and it shows.

52. something i’m talented atI really think I’m good at making coffee. I’m so good at it.

53. 5 things that make me happyCats, coffee, Sara, painting, car rides

54. something thats worrying me at the momentFinancial aid suuuuucks and most of mine got cut!

55. tumblr friendsI feel like I talk to most people on a lot of platforms, so someone that is pretty much exclusively tumblr is @zemmefatale aka the best aka madi

56. favourite food(s)Peanut butter cups, tacos, pasta

57. favourite animal(s)Cats.

58. description of my best friendSara’s smart af and funny and so chill and she’s literally always there for me and I adore her beyond words

59. why i joined tumblrI was like 13 and my friend had it. Woooow.

60. ask me anything you want Madi you didn’t ask a question for this so I’m gonna make up something you’d ask e. “Why are you like this” it’s because I’m tired, Mads.

#questions #zemmefatale

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violetsystems · 4 years ago

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#personal

I took a long walk after work yesterday to pick up my prescriptions. The area down Ashland can seem pretty desolate. It reminds me a lot of this strip in Brooklyn down Marcy Ave. A mostly industrial zoned strip of graffiti, train yards and old school public housing. It’s only really two blocks from my house and the area I most frequent. The rest of my neighborhood is an idyllic mix of people centered around mostly Mexican, Czech and Polish families spanning generations. Chicago has always had a block mentality. Though it runs on a grid, the personal politics vary with territory. Negotiating freedom and space was a nightmare maze at times. I’ve written for years about it. Chicago can be a dangerous place. I was riding in a car with a foot worker a couple of years ago to see a show on the deep south side. His quote still echoes in my head. We had made an unexpected turn onto another street. That area was controlled by a gang he’d rather not deal with. His long winded explanation ended with an abrupt statement. You are either about that life or you aren’t. I am not about any life usually other than staying out of trouble. And you quickly learn the hidden territories. People expect you to pick up on things out here. Expectations are everywhere and can overwhelm people who are just trying to get by. The freedom I have here in Chicago is largely based on a long negotiation fraught with battles, obstacles, and alternative routes. I’ve been running by the FBI so much that I make it my own little statement. I’m sure by now they forgot about the day I flicked them off. I spend a considerable amount of time in underdeveloped areas of the city these days. Mainly because it’s extremely hard to run with a mask on. And simply because my privacy is something I’ve had to learn to protect viciously. With no validation or explanation of what my real goals are in any of this. I hold myself accountable and I explore my world from there. Everybody knows how upset I’ve been. Everybody knows life is incredibly exhausting for me when it doesn’t have to be. And everybody knows I don’t just support black lives matter. I go out there and celebrate their value. The beauty of Chicago these days is that we’re trying to live in the future regardless. And the future is out there on a walk down Ashland to Roosevelt. Where kids ride bikes draped in pink gear to see me off to the pharmacy. And people wave at me with no other expectations than to greet me in their neighborhood. How is it these people know all the real shit about me when I deactivate most of my accounts? Maybe that’s what I get for quitting social media in the long run. More face time in the real world. I’d make a much better Instagram husband anyway.

It’s far easier to stream myself playing a game and mumbling to myself than to take the same picture over and over again. It’s also far more satisfying to sit down and write it all down here. Over the years, the people I have connected to have never expected much from me and vice versa. This place for me has never been pretentious or exclusive. And it’s from my small interactions with people on here that I modeled the interactions I wanted in real life. I was exposed to cultures other than my own. Read and studied the history instead of listening to pundits and for profit media. In truth I’ve been mumbling to myself on here for years hoping people would listen. And in time I found people did. People I valued, respected and was directly inspired by. And there was no expectation other than to strive to be a better me through this process. Which is a long winded explanation why I have no real urge to return to things I’ve left behind. Whether that be facebook, instagram, or alcohol. The third one is an extreme. I don’t mind being around any of it. For myself I’ve seen the diminishing returns. Just like I’ve been connected to people on here for years, it’s the same for places like Instagram. It’s like a second wave of high school for me. All the bad parts. People who have no business looking into your life doing it daily. Connected in an inorganic sort of way. More like a fungus or a cancer. People who could interact but don’t. People who suck you up into their drama. Whereas a simple like on this platform has kept me breathing. I kept to myself. I stayed transparent and accountable. And I largely enjoy just being another invisible shit head on the internet. Except that I’m something far more than that. A Godzilla walking down ashland with my digital footprint materializing in the flesh. I don’t need the internet at times. It’s something that follows me around. A reputation I uphold. A savage crush I’ve had for years maybe. Or just a fact of life I embrace. I have always been deadly serious about my intent with things. I also never expect them to work out the way I plan them to. I expect a lot from myself. And I show that daily enough as it is. I post a picture for a court of people who would rather judge me than talk to me like a human being. And most people are downright scared to open up themselves. That is why when we talk to people it is mostly projection. It’s not a real conversation. It’s a prerecorded message to deflect away from the real chaos behind the wall. The truth is we don’t know how we feel about the times mostly. We can only accept or deny. I accept that I am about this life I have wandered into. And I face the consequences everyday. You keep bumping into the same wall, you find a more comfortable way around it. That’s freedom. And freedom is a shrinking resource in atrophy.

Before you catch me telling you that freedom is a muscle, let me flex a little. I built my first computer in years. Most of my previous equipment has come from my job. Working from home the last few months has blurred a lot of lines together. So building my own was an experiment and a hobby. I’ve spent so much time here that I’ve had to rethink the space. I bought a humidifier. A robot vacuum. And this computer I built from parts over weeks. The monitor never made it sadly. And I didn’t bother with anything other than a refund. Last night I added three violet pink led fans to the chassis. I still think I need the liquid cooling action. I haven’t really been in the mood to play games lately. But I have been making the space I have more efficient. And I think when it comes to freedom in America, it is something we share. It is also something that can be abused. And it is something that must be defended if it means something to you. And defense is an art in and of itself. Bruce Lee once said that you should be like water. Fela Kuti once fought against British colonial forces in Nigeria with music. Freedom is happening all over the world in varying contexts and through various optics. Walking with peace and love in Chicago is not a block by block thing. It’s not even a street by street thing. It’s in the steps you take. The exhausting repetition of deescalation. The dodging of hurt feelings. The gentrification on the heels and wills of the middle class property owners. The questioning looks you get when you stand your ground on things you feel you should not have to discuss or reveal. Every single time I try to be free I feel my back being pushed up against a wall. People who never have the time or care to listen to me tell me what they think about me. This projection of how they want to see me. Their fear talking instead of their heart. People are afraid of me. Have always been afraid of me. I used to be so sensitive to it. Think there was something wrong with me. That I was ugly. That I was weird. That I was too old. That I was too young. That I didn’t stoop down to their level. That I felt free enough to ignore them and continue on. And then there’s the freedom that gets misinterpreted. That gets caught up in a larger discussion that goes nowhere. That isn’t led by anything except the news and commercials. That isn’t a real conversation with feelings that ebb and flow. That there is no compromise. No seeing of eye to eye. No response other than a prescripted greeting card slogan of our love and support. I don’t say much. I just live it. I will say one thing. I love you. I get an answer back every time I walk down the street these days. It’s shaded pink. Maybe one day I’ll project it in the night sky for you. For now you’ll just have to read it on the internet. Because you already know I’m about that life by now. Until next time, I will continue to be. <3 Tim

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