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hgfstreamchats · 7 years

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Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Welcome to the 'highglossfinish' room.

Smokey: awoojit Highglossfinish: A Smokescreen. Highglossfinish: Is the screen showing up? Everything kosher? Smokey: Nothing here yet Smokey: woojit woojit be a werewolf for halloween please Smokey: there it is! I see a boat Knock Out: *Shed Knock Out: Perfect! Knock Out: No. Werewolves sheld. Smokey: but I need an excuse to call you awoojit Knock Out: Hmm...are there any dander-free werewolves ou there? Smokey: You could be the first! Smokey: Maybe hairless werewolves wouldn't have dandruff Knock Out: In that case, we'll see. Smokey: hey woojit I found a vidoe Smokey: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtCQo5oDCIA Knock Out: Just for that, I'm not dressing up as a werewolf.

Smokey: wait no i'm sorry Smokey: :( woojit please i love youuuu I'll dress up as anything Knock Out: Your bargaining abilities are shaky. Smokey: I can steal megatron's eyebrows and wear 'em Smokey: I'll talk like the kids in these videos Knock Out: ...Alright, now I'm listening. Smokey: I'll cover Megatron's eyebrows in glitter Knock Out: Deal. Knock Out: Deal. Smokey: Nice. Smokey: .... Though it might have to be after halloween with all the stuff going on on cybertron Knock Out: Dear Unicron, that's almost better. jpeg: yo, what up? Knock Out: Hello there! Smokey: Thanksgiving sparkletron jpeg: thanks for setting this up! Smokey: HEY FILE TYPE HUMAN Smokey: oh no not tickling Smokey: "lameball" Knock Out: The language! jpeg: m'lad, jpeg: i need to remember that one Pheonix: hi! jpeg: heyo! Pheonix: Happy Halloween! Knock Out: Pheonix human! Happy Halloween! Smokey: is he gonna go offline Knock Out: Yes. Pheonix: Why Thank you! Hope the family is well Knock Out: Exceedingly well! Smokey: ...... Smokey: I'm not liking where this is going Pheonix: Good! Impact is such a sweetheart. Pheonix: Oh! I remember this episode Pheonix: I used to watch this show every week! Knock Out: I can see why! Knock Out: "Beaned." caffienatedconfetti: how are the canadian children Pheonix: stupid Pheonix: so so stupid Smokey: the clown hasa phone? caffienatedconfetti: what did they do this tim Pheonix: stole evil clown nose caffienatedconfetti: ooooh the clown Pheonix: yep caffienatedconfetti: this is caffienatedconfetti: um Pheonix: finger bones Pheonix: yum caffienatedconfetti: finally some sense caffienatedconfetti: give the murderous clown back his nose Pheonix: i swear returning things to their proper owners is have the plot in these shows caffienatedconfetti: how caffienatedconfetti: how did an underage child get cigars Pheonix: how did he get cigars caffienatedconfetti: jinx Pheonix: lol Pheonix: XD Knock Out: Stole them from someone else. Knock Out: "It's the most fun in the ***!" Pheonix: man imagine that in your closet Thebes: Hello! I hear there is halloween here Knock Out: Bah. Human datanet, let me say ***! Knock Out: There is indeed! Pheonix: much spook caffienatedconfetti: very scare Pheonix: did me a fright Pheonix: :) Smokey: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Pheonix: ooo Thebes: I wonder what they did with that clown-thing after they finished shooting Pheonix: try the dollhouse one caffienatedconfetti: probs burned it Pheonix: that one gave me nightmares as a kid caffienatedconfetti: like it deserved Pheonix: yes Knock Out: We'll watch the dollhouse one after this one. Pheonix: :o caffienatedconfetti: mmmmmm caffienatedconfetti: dollhouse Pheonix: yay caffienatedconfetti: i don't really get scared unless its a jumpscare Thebes: really? I love a good paranoia fit myself Thebes: just the thought that, of course no one would know if something really could happen or not, it wouldn't leave survivors Thebes: just mysterious circumstances Knock Out: Changes like "don't sexually harass the humans giving you your story trial." caffienatedconfetti: oh my god i know this one caffienatedconfetti: this one is scary Pheonix: yis Pheonix: its so good Pheonix: if impact is watching, she needs to look away caffienatedconfetti: pee yoo exactly Pheonix: bye Pheonix: :) Pheonix: too late caffienatedconfetti: lol whut Pheonix: god. i remember coveralls agooddistraction: are humans scared of science Pheonix: 90's fashion horrors agooddistraction: wow Knock Out: Well, science *is* rather creepy. agooddistraction: ?? caffienatedconfetti: "cauculate the volume of the school" Pheonix: why would their still be water? Knock Out: Did they leave the dead child in there too? Pheonix: possibly Pheonix: XD Pheonix: okay- she is reminding me of a female starscream Thebes: HE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE BURIED AT SEA. THIS JUST CUTS OUT THE MIDDLEMAN. agooddistraction: what caffienatedconfetti: spooky pool Knock Out: Janitor Gaseous likes to watch people swim. Pheonix: seriously female starscream in a fleshy body Pheonix: creeper caffienatedconfetti: it's dat boi Knock Out: Here he comes. agooddistraction: intense Pheonix: there was a ladder right next to them? Knock Out: Ew. agooddistraction: uhhh Knock Out: Is this a metaphor for something that's wrong? Thebes: This seems like a terrible idea Pheonix: wait so he can swim already? caffienatedconfetti: peice of *** caffienatedconfetti: whoops sorry Knock Out: Remember, children: all your fears are justified. agooddistraction: hahahaah what???? agooddistraction: what is it even like being human Pheonix: awww, her girlfriend is jealous agooddistraction: no dont look Knock Out: Life seems terrifying when you need to constantly breathe. Pheonix: it can be caffienatedconfetti: look man we didn't ask to breathe agooddistraction: yeah what's up with breathing agooddistraction: wtf Pheonix: but on the plus side we get to smell things Pheonix: like baking cookies Knock Out: So can we. Pheonix: flowers caffienatedconfetti: yeah but it feels nice when you fill your lungs Pheonix: true Knock Out: It also feels nice to go underwater and not die. Pheonix: why doesn't it tip the boat caffienatedconfetti: it just did Pheonix: lol agooddistraction: hey it's the guy Pheonix: called it Thebes: Man, this one made me so paranoid of water as a kid Knock Out: It's reading the chat. Pheonix: hi creeper guy caffienatedconfetti: we can go underwater just not for long Knock Out: Sweaty Charlie put his fingers in those drinks. Pheonix: dear god. Pheonix: the real horror Smokey: I poofed for a klik, what happened? Pheonix: trapped in high school for 60 years Smokey: WHEEWHEEE agooddistraction: hey Smokey: wheewhee hey hey hey Pheonix: hi smokey agooddistraction: how's it goin Smokey: Hey Pheonix! Pheonix: damn it, stop moving dead people Smokey: Wheewheee it's been weird on my cybertron it's been stinky what've you been up to agooddistraction: stinky? caffienatedconfetti: also we like breathing Smokey: stinky caffienatedconfetti: even though it's slowly setting us on fire from the inside out Smokey: cybertron smells terrible agooddistraction: just the usual. plants and building Smokey: you guys gotta stop breathing Knock Out: That'll make the pool less dangerous. agooddistraction: ahh what is it Smokey: the shape of the water Pheonix: hi dead guy caffienatedconfetti: OH MY GOD agooddistraction: eeeeahjudksa caffienatedconfetti: that didn't work Thebes: THIS IS MORE GRAPHIC THAN I REMEMBER Knock Out: Not Stinky Charlie! agooddistraction: what the frag caffienatedconfetti: its coming through the drain Pheonix: why the frag is that by the pool caffienatedconfetti: i have no idea agooddistraction: yolo human agooddistraction: primus this is intense Pheonix: well shes had a good run caffienatedconfetti: SWIM YUOU FOOL Jalaperilo: Hello! I am here for a bit! agooddistraction: goooo Pheonix: ladder right behind her Knock Out: Jalaperilo human! Just in time for this! Jalaperilo: what is it??? caffienatedconfetti: horror movie children are stupid agooddistraction: go go go go agooddistraction: how to kill a ghost caffienatedconfetti: uuguguuguhgh Knock Out: Sticky Charlie finally found peace. Pheonix: maybe he can leave teh school now caffienatedconfetti: TuT caffienatedconfetti: more fun things to do caffienatedconfetti: hhmmhmmmmmm Pheonix: wink wonk agooddistraction: wait what is that Pheonix: fire powder Knock Out: Good call. Jalaperilo: he just ate sand Knock Out: You don't want this boy within sniffing distance every night. Pheonix: makes it flare and sparkle Jalaperilo: dont make friends with kids that eat sand or grass or glue Pheonix: good rule Pheonix: aww, baby tucker caffienatedconfetti: ooooooh *** no i hate dolls ugh Thebes: No one thinks that about dolls. No one has ever thought that about dolls. Pheonix: until now Thebes: apparently Thebes: do not trust your parents, child, they are crafing an edifice of lies Knock Out: Why would you even ask someone that? Pheonix: you know? agooddistraction: do humans like ***? Pheonix: not usually caffienatedconfetti: naw caffienatedconfetti: makes me sick caffienatedconfetti: i mean some people are into it but that's gross tbh caffienatedconfetti: oooooh *** no mi;'m out Jalaperilo: just wait till your older kid and youll experience true fear: that you are responsible for yourself caffienatedconfetti: yes dont tell the child about the important thing Jalaperilo: yeah lets whisper loudly 5 feet from the kid Smokey: they have discord in the dollhouse Jalaperilo: the house is in the little house Jalaperilo: like a tesseract caffienatedconfetti: or a turducken agooddistraction: nice smashing kid Jalaperilo: should have done what i did at 13 and just punch the back door window pane cause the door was locked Smokey: kid's gonna get stuck aren't they caffienatedconfetti: huh. minotaur maze strategy Pheonix: yup Jalaperilo: parents were not happy at the broken pane or my blood everywhere agooddistraction: ouch Smokey: if you eat the fake food, do you get stuck in there forever Jalaperilo: haha caffienatedconfetti: probs caffienatedconfetti: sttupid Jalaperilo: go to the attic of the dollhouse caffienatedconfetti: shiiiit Jalaperilo: called it Knock Out: Gah! Jalaperilo: *** Smokey: hhhhhh Smokey: woojit agooddistraction: *** Knock Out: Hmm? Pheonix: that part freaked me out so bad as a kid Smokey: scary agooddistraction: frag Jalaperilo: but if they leave like that, wont her hand be severed? Pheonix: but she wont be a doll Pheonix: doll or life without a hand caffienatedconfetti: LIFE YOU FOOL Pheonix: i mean UM got that cool hook Jalaperilo: what an awful dress Pheonix: fashion horror part 2 Jalaperilo: that the real horror Smokey: imagine having to live the rest of your life in that dress Smokey: also as a doll Knock Out: Ahhh! Pheonix: the horror caffienatedconfetti: ew Thebes: Hell. It leads to hell. It has always lead to hell. Smokey: oh primus i'd leave forever if that happened agooddistraction: gotta run. night Pheonix: night wheeljack Pheonix: very true Knock Out: Good night, Wheeljack. Pheonix: happy halloween Jalaperilo: night wheeljack! Knock Out: Ugh. Pheonix: oooh this is a good episode too! imsweetlyeclectic: So i finally got the chat to work~ caffienatedconfetti: m tirewd caffienatedconfetti: im going to bed Pheonix: night imsweetlyeclectic: what did i miss? Knock Out: Goodnight, not-so-caffeinated-human. Pheonix: wj just left Pheonix: mostly heckling of 90s fashion Jalaperilo: bye coffinated caffee Knock Out: Fun fact: that's one of the humans from Firefly. imsweetlyeclectic: i have the fact i can't change my name on here... Pheonix: yes it is Jalaperilo: i watched 1 episode of firefly Jalaperilo: gotta admit, never saw the appeal Jalaperilo: i cant imagine why your parents would want you gone imsweetlyeclectic: and my internet is being wonky.... Jalaperilo: oyu lost your purple imsweetlyeclectic: what are the people doing on the screen? Pheonix: hiking? imsweetlyeclectic: i got the chat, and the sound, but no pictures... Jalaperilo: nothing interesting Jalaperilo: some girl is a dick to another girl and now she's lost in the woods Pheonix: and the woods are changing imsweetlyeclectic: oh, that could go so worng in so many ways... Pheonix: the watcher Pheonix: this episode is another one that scared me as a kid Pheonix: I always played in the woods Pheonix: oh look a horses head imsweetlyeclectic: and i lost sound TT-TT Pheonix: technically three something died imsweetlyeclectic: holy frag, the sudden scream out of nowhere scared the ever living daylights out of me. i might have to cut out of the stream.... it's being too glitchy. Pheonix: aww. happy halloween Knock Out: Is it glitching for anyone else? Pheonix: it was earlier Knock Out: Happy Halloween, eclectic human! Until the next time! Pheonix: but its fine now Jalaperilo: mines been fine Smokey: thats just mean Pheonix: aww they are so cute Pheonix: little white mice Knock Out: With their terrifying nibbling. Jalaperilo: its freaky when characters have your name lol Pheonix: wiat Pheonix: are you a sarah too? Pheonix: :o Pheonix: yay same name! Jalaperilo: slightly different. its pronounced that way but im a SAra Pheonix: close enough Pheonix: :D Jalaperilo: *sara high five* Pheonix: *high five!* Pheonix: look at that car Jalaperilo: to say these are spooky stories, they al have happy endings Knock Out: I'm looking, I'm looking! Knock Out: Some of them don't. Pheonix: ooh do you hace old man cochran? Pheonix: or pinball wizard Pheonix: those have less happy endings Knock Out: I have both! Jalaperilo: also, on an unrelated note, i watched thor:ragnarok earlier and i am in love with cate blanchett lol Pheonix: :o Pheonix: im seeing it this weekend Jalaperilo: i wont spoil it, but blanchett as hela is amazing and funny and terrifying and beautiful Pheonix: :) nice Pheonix: old school gameboy Jalaperilo: not what i was expecting Pheonix: he should have listened Pheonix: don't touch the pinball game Thebes: and now to see how everything is going to go wrong Jalaperilo: kids those days Jalaperilo: remeber the inball game on windows 95 Jalaperilo: space 3d? Pheonix: space cadet 3d Pheonix: good memories Jalaperilo: now its purble place Knock Out: On the plus side, he's got lots of quarters to eat. Pheonix: yum Jalaperilo: our money is slowly turning to plastic over here Jalaperilo: i feel like the old notes could have been eated thenightetc: So what'd I miss? thenightetc: Haunted pinball? Pheonix: kid was told not to touch pinball game Pheonix: he did Pheonix: now trapped in the mall thenightetc: Yikes, I guess now we see why Thebes: Yeah, the victims on this show do not make good choices Jalaperilo: oh wow. i think i had a hairband like that Pheonix: they do not thenightetc: A pinball witch? Knock Out: Whoever played the witch is clearly enjoying herself. Pheonix: yis Pheonix: oh yes Jalaperilo: but do any of them play a mean pin ball? Pheonix: the kid used to thenightetc: ...You sure you want to do that Thebes: KID WHY Pheonix: king of the mall thenightetc: Seems like the kind of thing that might get you, I don't know, trapped in the game forever Pheonix: awww game over Pheonix: restart! thenightetc: It's clearly too big for his head Pheonix: I think BD would approve of the smashing Pheonix: and possibly Impact would as well Knock Out: Breakdown would have kept the mace. Pheonix: He is smart like that Pheonix: but his hammer is better than the mace Jalaperilo: breakdown is smart cookies though Pheonix: he is Pheonix: so smart and awesome Pheonix: KO is a lucky mech thenightetc: Hahahahha Knock Out: And just to shake things up... Jalaperilo: ?? Jalaperilo: jabony? Jalaperilo: what is this? Thebes: Why do I remember these lyrics Pheonix: salute your shorts Knock Out: A must for a 90s horror night. Knock Out: Or so I've been told. Pheonix: just thinking the same Thebes: it IS very aggressively 90's Pheonix: mmmm licorice Jalaperilo: urgh. licquoris Pheonix: :) more for me thenightetc: Ewwww, don't hold it by the rubber part Pheonix: so gross thenightetc: wash your hands you filthy children thenightetc: ...Okay, that's also gross. Putting toothpaste on the floor like that. thenightetc: Somebody's going to step in that. Thebes: the child in the headband speaks the most sense of all of them Pheonix: yes Jalaperilo: time for me to go to bed x x x Jalaperilo: night all! thenightetc: goodnight! Knock Out: Goodnight, jalaperilo human! Jalaperilo: good night knock out cybertronian! Pheonix: night! thenightetc: Uhhhhh thenightetc: ewwwwwww Pheonix: awww Pheonix: poor harry Knock Out: After this, I'm thinking one more to end the night on. Pheonix: kk Pheonix: :) thenightetc: Is this a Ruffles ad Pheonix: maybe Pheonix: suspicious thenightetc: Haha, barely even waited for them to leave Pheonix: jeez Pheonix: donkey lips Pheonix: XD thenightetc: All that screaming says otherwise thenightetc: Who does he think this guy is, he's clearly not a teenager Pheonix: thats the counselor thenightetc: ...So did they just leave the counselor strung up.....welp Pheonix: yep Knock Out: Doesn't that kill humans? thenightetc: Mmmmaybe? Pheonix: is should have Knock Out: Does anyone have any closing Are You Afraid of the Dark recommendations? Pheonix: you pick Pheonix: :) Thebes: You choose good things Pheonix: KO does Pheonix: he has excellent taste after all thenightetc: Is that Harry Potter Knock Out: Oh, you. Knock Out: The old human was Ratchet. Pheonix: haha Pheonix: so grump thenightetc: Ew Pheonix: so gross thenightetc: Ewwwww thenightetc: Does that same old lady come there every night? Knock Out: Apparently? Pheonix: appears so Knock Out: Wipe down everything he touches, kids. Pheonix: don't let him touch anything Thebes: tiny Hagrid is weirding me out thenightetc: So it's cursed, right, like the video in The Ring Pheonix: yep Knock Out: It's probably full of weevils. Have fun with that. thenightetc: Murders other movies thenightetc: by magic~ Pheonix: ohyes Pheonix: oh god it is ratchet thenightetc: ...Isn't that a real movie? Pheonix: nosferatu? Yep Knock Out: Apparently, they liked the disgusting little man's Nosferatu fanfiction. thenightetc: Maybe he just took an existing movie and cursed it? Pheonix: feed it movie people Pheonix: feed it thenightetc: I guess it's out of copyright Knock Out: Cursed it, fed it some people, spliced in nudes of himself. Pheonix: tasteful nudes of course Pheonix: this is a classy film after all Knock Out: There's a lot of "just friends" hand holding in these. Pheonix: yep thenightetc: dude thenightetc: don't try to get out of the deal with the demon wizard guy Knock Out: Oh, he's puffing up. Now you've done it. Pheonix: never a good sign thenightetc: whooooop Knock Out: His name is Count Orlok. Pheonix: nibble nibble Pheonix: dude needs a dentist thenightetc: needed a dentist like eighty years ago Knock Out: Those buck teeth wouldn't pierce a neck cleanly. thenightetc: Well, the wound did look pretty nasty Knock Out: True. Pheonix: true Knock Out: And many, many things to touch. Knock Out: With his sour little touching fingers. Pheonix: with his creepy fingers Pheonix: that are probably sticky Pheonix: great stream KO Knock Out: Why, thank you! Pheonix: thank you for hosting thenightetc: Yes! Entertainingly cheesy :) Knock Out: Thank you all for coming! Pheonix: Say KO, have you seen Hocus Pocus? Knock Out: I have not. Pheonix: if you get the chance it is awesome! Knock Out: Will do! Pheonix: the little girl makes me think of Impact Pheonix: smol and sassy Pheonix: :) Pheonix: and loves animals Knock Out: Well, I'm sold. Pheonix: and it is delightfully campy Pheonix: XD Pheonix: with sly adult humor slipped in that went over kids heads Pheonix: *to clarify the modern little girl not the old timey little girl Knock Out: If it's got camp, I'm there. Pheonix: if you get the chance you should watch Knock Out: I'll be sure to! Pheonix: Happy Halloween! Pheonix: Hope you, BD and Impact have a ghoulishly good time! Knock Out: Good night, and happy Halloween! Don't let Dr. Vink put his fingers in your dreams! thenightetc: Happy Halloween! And goodnight Pheonix: lol Pheonix: oh no Pheonix: Im off to watch 'arsenic and old lace' Pheonix: it is halloween tradition Knock Out: Always a classic. Pheonix: yes it is Pheonix: Have a good night Knock Out: You as well! Pheonix: I'm off to panama, to dig a new lock in the canal ;)

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perfectionistincrisis · 7 years

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Day 81

i keep talking to myself all the time - no not cause im mad or alone - but like i said earlier - i pretend like its ‘him’ and just him. meaning, no, im not those people who talk to themselves cause they enjoy doing it, or like um neither those who talk to themselves cause they dont have anyone else to talk to - but rather, -i-just-talk-to-him-

wow, no that was a nice way to put it out there. so much for defending myself lol

ok so im kinda energetic - as in -my mood is- i am not, physically energetic though. i mean i just spent the last hour and a half in bed scrolling through my phone until my phone shut off cause it ran out of charge and only then i dragged myself slowly to the washroom to pee which i shouldve done 60 minutes ago. so yeah - very lazy

speaking of time. WTH is going on with this world? i feel like the number of seconds in one minute is a subject to small rise and falls like the world currencies! I mean seriously, i swear nowadays “1 minute” = “EIGHTY seconds” No Kidding!!!! It all started from after fajr today!!!!!

yeah so after fajr today, at first i kind of blanked out - as in - that rush, impatience and i dont even know how to describe it - kinda feeling i was telling? about missing him and all that? like i need some action something to happen and wow this is such an off season - so yeah i was kind of stuck in my chair,, just switching from one social media to another doing nothing literally other than idk - trying to fast forward life and hit play somewhere cool ugh ok

so then something happened and it cheered me up and i got on the treadmill as was planned. usually do 3 hours but i knew doing 3 now, including my tiny 3-5 min breaks every 30 mins would take too long

anyways ended up doing two hours at around 7 30 and then was too tired to take a shower so i just pulled a bed sheet from my closet and slept on the floor, cause no way im putting my stinky body to bed.

when i got up, prayed zuhr and YESSS i did the one hour i skipped in the morning and yeah well thats pretty much it for the day. i mean then i sat and ate and then went to the hosp came back, chilled and still chilling right now as im typing :)

oh something i said yesterday about how i wish life was full of action like in movies. like i just wish it was although i know its BS thats totally against how this life works. whats more surprising is how i actually wish for stupid stuff - i mean you know how on social media - one gets to present themselves the way they want. i mean you can be anything. happy sad widow married depressed gay - its like - its in your hands - how do you want to present yourself to the world mam? yeah you get my point? but like i lot of people fall for it. you look into others posts and you might wonder how their life is so wonderful and yours is not, how someones life is picture perfect and yours is not and BLABLABLA but Lol - i neverrrrr fell for that. pretty much cause i sugar coat my life too loool

Its actually funny - im actually laughing - anyways where im getting at with this is - i was thinking about it - i mean for someone like me who never fell for all the crap people put up on display on social media - i sure am one hell of a dreamer to ‘wish’ for a busy ‘movie-like’ all colorful life. But then again in my defense - those are real people and people are full of crap so yeah i dont fall for their shit but i mean a movie is a well organised script being played out - ofcourse you ‘wishing’ for something like it is acceptable yasss (whatever makes you sleep at night:3 )

Also i assure you my vocabulary aint that poor, i just seem to lose my words when im posting anything here. mostly cause i have no words - everything is so messy and twisty and complicated Ugh

Also its really weird that i feel like a days just passed by too fast this week. i mean i mustve slipped. i mean im like a human clock. lol i mean it. i mean when im not on vacation - and you ask me the time, anytime - my guesses are so close to accurate - like im aware of every second ticking by - now, im just saying im aware of it - that doesnt really mean i make the most out of time - but then i do know how precious it is, and i do feel like crap when im just shitting it away. and just randomly wasting time is one thing, but trust me when you are aware youre doing shit - ouch that burns!

so august is coming, and i was kind of planning on fasting - i mean i didnt fast in july cause i wanted to get used to working out and fasting would just be disturbing. but yeah now its almost august and i think i should fast - for like the whole month - yeah :) cause i barely fasted for i think 8 days this Ramadan i need to make all the rest of it up. AND THEN AFTER THAT, it is sunnah but not one im actually brave enough to do to be honest but but but i think i have no choice - i mean i think i have to fast like every monday or thursday every week - cause i have a lot and a lot of fasting to do to make up for ALLLLL the ones i missed my entire life and trust me thats quite a lot - not the normal amount any girl would miss - cause ive been having problems and so i had to skip a lot and stuff - and i never kept an exact count - well actually its impossible cause its been a problem for years but then i do have to admit that i never tried either - cause idk- i guess i kind of took it as - oh cmon its just fasting - i mean i think i missed around 20 roughly - so ill just fast 30 - thatll cover it up plus ill fast extra - which is a good thing and blabla all that random thoughts!

anyways i should now just focus on the 30 i wna fast for this year, in august but idk i have to come up with some legit plan where my work out schedule fits in perfectly too. both are important to me, and im not choosing one over the other, i dont want to and i dont have to inshaAllah

oh just a random thing - but i go for brands! Meaning, you know if something is sold by a really well known brand youd obviously expect it to have good quality and most of the time yes youre right. sometimes, nope! but then there are things which are not “branded” but the quality is amazing, and the price? well most of the time it is cheaper, but yeah i guess sometimes the price is almost similar - well the thing is - i am the type of person - whod want the brand name on PLUS the quality. like if there were 2 bags for example or two shoes, SAME quality, but one is cheaper ONLY cause it does not have a famous brand name on it - i am definitely the person whod pay wayyyy wayyy more for the branded one! - SO now you know the type of person i am :) :) :) :)

Lol im sure that kind of information is something a lot of people would use to judge someone :3 But then im not all so irrational loool - like thats definitely something that is “goals” for me! I mean, i am a medical student being financially supported by my dad right now and will be for atleast the next 3 years. ATLEAST! ATLEAST! ATLEAST!

SO yeah im not saying i cant afford branded products right now but i sure am not comfortable living a life of luxury at this phase of my life. I want to earn it. With my own sweat and energy. I want to tell myself that i deserve it. So yeah, thats the type of person i am but im not currently ‘practicing’ it like religion and one day IF i do, i know it will be something i earned and something Allah will not be unhappy with, because I am not planning to disappoint Him

Okay enough with that. i really dont need to talk about it as long as i know ill be alright inshaAllah

Oh something really interesting - so i REALLY REALLY need to smile. like NOT “smile more” but like “SMILE” for gods sake hahhaha. I mean idk - its like i hate people so much and idk i feel like everyone for some reason is turning against me or doesnt like me, and its not like i even care or want them to like me and thats exactly why im like all -pokerface-pokerface- but like cmooooon! if youre really talking to someone, something as simple as a short interaction in the hospital for example with the receptionist or pharmacist - i mean cmoon - just smile a little? i mean i REALLY need to work on it. cause if i am planning on being a doctor - OH PLEASE - smiling is part of the job OH WAKE UP LADYYY!!!!!!!

but like im not kidding - like i just said - i feel like everyone for some reason is turning against me or doesnt like me. and ofcourse its not true, i mean MOST people dont even know me. like in the hospital i went to today for example - whyd everyone hate me? :) i mean idk its just something i feel. its weird. but sheeeeeet. have to work on it. fake a smile honey :)

Okay and idk how wrong or right it is. but i thought of it and i dont feel like there is any harm to it. Like, id like to have the idea in my head that me and him, we love each other and we are meant to be together one day. inshaAllah. For which i always and always pray to Him and ask from Him. But as of right now, we are not together. but deep deep deeeeep deeeeeeeeeep deeeeeeeeeeeeeep and deeeeeeeeeeep’errr in my heart i keep telling myself that. We are.

now idk if its wrong, or right - but - i believe it is not making me do something which might anger my Lord. All what it does is calm my heart. a little. And so i guess its okay! At least for now, i cant let go of the idea. Not today <3 Tada, guess thats enough for today!

xox

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