#'u gotta go hard bro u gotta go fucking hard man u soak or u die dude!!!!!! u soak or u die!!!!!!!!!!!!'

[xoxovalrea]

Jaded - suguru geto + fem! reader

Sypno: Your dumb boyfriend “becomes” friends with the university’s drug dealer and does hardcore drugs on video. So you help him out by..fucking your edgy dealer‼️

A/n: dont do drugs kids⁉️ listen to digital bath- Deftones

Warning: words like slut & whore r used & drug and alcohol use. Also CNC & rough sex ( lmk if i missed any )

Wc: 1.3k

                        💜Minors DNI‼️💜

You’re on the couch with your boyfriend travis per usual when he all of a sudden starts getting really touchy which he only does when he needs something. 

You roll your eyes and say “whats up what do ya need” he rubs your thighs and finally says “baby can you please go over to sugurus place n give him money” you ask why out of curiosity and you instantly regret it. He tells you he was doing hardcore drugs with suguru and he got it on video threatening to send it to the school board. You sigh and tell him to leave so you can go over to getos place. You don’t even know why he is so serious about it, like he’s not even good at football or basketball or school in general all he does is beat up kids and cheat on you. You change into a crop top and some white sweats and start walking to a small trailer park. 400$ in your pocket is a small pocket knife and your phone so you don't get kidnapped or lost. 

As you're walking you see the trailer with the number 0197 on the mailbox and walk up to the door once you get there you hear a faint sound of a guitar so you knock even harder three times and the music finally comes to a halt. Geto walks out with blood shot eyes sipping Hennessy and his hair falling randomly on his face. “hey baby how can i help ya ? want the usual or nah and tell ya shit faced boyf-“ you sigh and let yourself in plopping down on his couch taking out the money and hold the money up towards geto he takes another sip of the drink and grabs the money laughing

 “His bitch ass really sent you here for him” he finishes the rest of the henny and puts it down“ I know don’t even bro“ you sigh as the couch sinks farther. You look up to see geto lighting a blunt. He notices you staring “what don't act like you don’t smoke ms cheerleader“ he lights it and takes a hit leaning back man spreading. You take a hit after him and he laughs “so I guess he want that video posted” you look at him confused and nod your head no even though he cheats on you how else you gon get money.

 You pass the blunt back and he looks at you “look let's make a deal you forget about your shitfaced boyfriend nd spend the week with me yea” you stare at him for a minute then finally respond “sure but keep your end of the bargain” he stares into your eyes instantly reading your every expression before taking a hit then smiling “trust you’ll forget all about him baby” he says before roughly kissing you.

❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。❀。• *₊°❀

 He wraps his hand around your neck squeezing softly pulling you into his lap breaking the kiss. “lets see how wet that cunt is” he slides your sweats off and rubs your clit through your panties. you let out a whimper in response as he starts increasing speed and eventually stops “how bout we call your boyfriend yea? make one noise and ill ruin his fucking life yea?” you nod as he picks up his phone and calls travis.

 He slides his finger up and down your slit collecting your juices Travis picks up and you hear a murmur of his voice as Suguru slides two fingers in immediately fingering you fast and hard. “yea she came over” he hits your g-spot and you accidentally let out a loud moan and he mutes his mic and stops fingering you “what I told you ? You're lucky your pretty” he unmutes and continues fingering you squelching filling his ears “my bad just my loud neighbors” your eyes roll back as he whispers in your ear to cum and you cream all over his fingers soaking your panties and his pants “yea we all cool though come over soon I gotta surprise f’ya” he laughs then hangs up still fingering you making your legs tremble underneath him. 

He pulls his fingers out and flips you on your back “awh look at how wet she is f’me” he pulls your panties off and throws them somewhere on the floor. He kisses your thighs up  and down leaving bite marks and hickeys. He stops and looks you in the eyes before sucking your clit and shoving two fingers back into your dripping hole. “Fuck geto I cant fuck take it” you scream out still sensitive from your previous orgasm, hearing this he only goes faster your walls clench around him and you let out another loud moan and squirt all over his face. You feel him smile as he devours you and your juices. “Put that pretty mouth to use nd get on your knees” you follow his orders and get on your knees between his legs he pulls his pants down exposing his huge boner  you bite your lips and lean in to kiss his tip and he lets you tipping his head back with a groan. 

 You take his tip in your mouth and go down a third of the way and gag stroking the parts you can’t get while geto takes his shirt off. He finally takes his shirt off and throws it to the floor. You try to go lower but you gag and your eyes water “uht uht go down you can do it“ he pushes your head all the way down lifting your head up and down. He throws his head back and bucks his hips up into your mouth. He pulls out to let you breathe then shoves it back into your mouth bucking up into your mouth using it as a fuck toy “fuck baby your mouth is so good” he says while creaming down your throat you swallow as he lifts you up by your face and starts making out with you sloppily he gets up and picks you up by your knees and carries you to his bed while making out with you.  

He lays you down “flip over on your stomach” you oblige and flip over face down ass up waiting for him. He rubs his tip on your ass “wait isn’t he coming“ he looks at you puzzles and nods yes “wait we can’t he will literally ruin me” you try to get up but geto holds you down “now you know you want this dick. he doesn’t even fuck good fuck him” you smile at his words still getting that gut feeling that this is wrong. “fine okay” he laughs and shoves his length into you immediately thrusting in and out slapping his balls on your clit. Your eyes roll to the back of your head as he fucks up into your cervix and pushes up onto the bulge in your belly  “FUCK geto its its to much I can’t-“ he cuts you off pushing your head into the sheets you hear groans coming from above you. “awh my pretty slut can’t take it ? That's too bad” he grins and pounds you even harder making you scream and writhe under him. 

Geto flips you over on your back and you can't even look him in the eyes, that's how dazed you are. He slips back in with a groan you don’t know how long its been since you guys started fucking maybe an 10 minutes maybe 30 you don’t know. You dont even know how many times you’ve came around his dick, you snap out of your thoughts as geto slaps your thigh “damn ma I got ya that fucked up” he laughs and starts rubbing your clit.

You feel his dick twitch as you tighten around him even more. He leans down to sloppily kiss you and you tangle your hands into his hair as you spasm all over his dick. After a few more thrusts he finally creampies you. As you're laying down with geto you both hear a knock and he grins “well look at that” he laughs as he kisses your forehead and gets up to put shorts on and get the door.

A/n: intro is too short but oh well & i MIGHT do a prt 2 to Love Galore or update it idk (for the person who suggested) bye lovess🕊️💗

[botanyshitposts]

wikipedia page: cassava is a hugely important crop, especially in third world countries. it’s the most prominent source of carbohydrates in the world behind rice and maize. 

me: o nice. go on

wikipedia page: usually its great but it also has cyanide in it and some varieties will just straight up kill people and its just like A Thing That Can Happen. most of the plant is literally inedible on a good day. this means that most people living with it as a staple in their diet have ways to process it first to casually remove the cyanide, especially when dealing with more poisonous varieties, but deaths still happen and they get worse during years where environmental conditions are poor in which the plants cope by producing even more cyanide. usually other crops are outright dying in the same conditions, meaning more people turn to them to avoid starvation only to face A Huge Amount Of Actual Cyanide

me: 

[whumpmatsus]

28 Kara is cute, one would say too cute to suffer. Not me. Maybe fic where he is feeling really sick, but being the quiet one he is forgotten for a while? Or something. Pls and thanks.

haha, nobody is EVER too cute to suffer here! including precious baby 18!Kara~ <3

I had fun with this, I hope you like it! c:

-

It’s pouring rain when the rest of the sextuplets come to walk Karamatsu home from the train station, and he doesn’t want to go out in it.

Today’s drama club meeting wasn’t a very good one. The teacher leading it got focused on the two lead actors for the play which the club is showing tomorrow night, because they were both fighting and at each other’s throats. Most of the others ignored Karamatsu in favor of being on their phones or reading magazines or running lines while the teacher was busy with the leads.

Finally, in a twist that puts the cherry on the horrible meeting sundae, despite the fact that he’s playing a small part, Karamatsu messed up his own lines every single time. The others were so irritated with him, he wished the floor would just swallow him up.

Usually he’s so good with acting. It’s something he’s passionate about and enjoys and takes pride in. Today… it’s not that he’s nervous about the production. It’s that he just feels awful.

He’s been tired since he woke up, he’s warm and clammy at the same time, his throat is scratchy, he keeps coughing and sneezing, and any part of his body that doesn’t have a specific complaint is simply achy. Mommy noticed that he wasn’t feeling well when she sent them all to school, but he begged her not to keep him home, and since he didn’t have a fever this morning, she let him go.

There’s… definitely a fever running through him now, though. He thought for sure his brothers would notice and maybe ask him if there was anything they could do; instead, he’s been behaving so normally as far as they’re concerned, with his quiet nature and tendency to cry over small things, that not a single one of them has picked up on it.

On top of everything else, he forgot his umbrella. It was supposed to be sunny today, so he had to walk from school to the train without one, and now when he gets out of the station, he has to go out into the rain with barely any protection.

Although he’s crying by the time he reaches his brothers, it blends in pretty well with the rain.

Thankfully, all his brothers are carrying umbrellas, so he huddles under Osomatsu’s and presses himself against his older brother’s side. Osomatsu immediately accommodates him, pulling Karamatsu in to get dry. “Hey, bro! Geez, you’re shaking like a leaf. Sorry you didn’t have your umbrella!” He chuckles and tousles Karamatsu’s hair. “That’s what you get for picking a nerd hobby that’s right after school so you don’t have time to go home and get anything.”

“Don’t listen to him, Kara ― your hobby is just fine,” Choromatsu hums. He’s busy trying to entertain Totty, who’s doing his damnedest to attach himself to Choromatsu’s hip. “Now, guys, it’s raining out here, so can we please go home and get some tea? If we stay out here much longer, we’re gonna catch colds, and I do not want to be sick for graduation.”

Jyushimatsu scoffs. “That’s still two weeks away. We’d be fine, dumbass.”

Choromatsu’s face turns bright red. “W-well, if you’re fine getting sick regardless, you can go jump in the puddles for all I care!”

A smile briefly flashes across the second youngest’s face. “Really??” And just like that, he’s back to looking constantly angry. “Naaah… that shit’s for babies!”

They all begin to walk, and Ichimatsu shakes his head. “Ah, Karamatsu-nii-san… some of my friends wanted to come see that play tomorrow. What time does it start, again?”

“U-uh.” Karamatsu sniffles a few times, nuzzling against Osomatsu’s shoulder. “7 P.M. for the first one. Then there’s another showing at… at 8:30. I… don’t know if I’m… going to go, though.”

“What??” Choromatsu frowns as the six of them stop for the crosswalk. “You’ve never had stage fright before. You’ll be fine once you get up on the stage.”

“I don’t know, Choro…”

“Oh, come on, Kara-nii-san. Don’t cry like that… you made a commitment! You don’t wanna let your club down, right?”

Karamatsu reaches up to try and wipe the tears away. Not only is it kind of ineffective because his rain-soaked bangs keep dripping down his face, his hand keeps brushing against parts of his acne as he tries, which is painful. “Y-yeah, but…”

Osomatsu gives his little brother a squeeze that he thinks is supposed to be reassuring. It’s a bit rough, though. “No ‘but’s unless you’re grabbing a girl’s butt, Kara! You got this! You’ve done this shit before and totally nailed it. You usually don’t have too many lines, anyway, so it’s not that bad, is it?”

God, he should have a little more backbone. He should be able to say things decisively and not just fall silent when his brothers push him like this. Actually, if he just managed to say outright that he’s sick, they wouldn’t even be saying anything like this stuff. Right now they just think it’s pre-curtain jitters, which happens, which they can usually shake him out of because they know he loves acting.

Funnily enough, even though he doesn’t have much of a spine himself, this crappy cold of his evidently thinks this is the perfect time to speak up. The congestion he’s been fighting blossoms into something insistent that he can’t ignore, and he quickly ducks his face down between his hands.

“― Hh’DSHH! Hah’DTchh! Hd’TCHHuu! Ahh’DTSCHhhoo!”

A volley of coughs rides on the tail end of the last sneeze, so much that he can barely get a breath in. Each one makes his all-over soreness sharpen for a second, unbearable pinpricks of pain across his whole body. The coughs make something in his chest crackle and it hurtsand suddenly he’d pulled into a protective hug.

Part of him wishes he could just pull away. The part of him that wants to lean into the contact wins out, allowing him to nestle into his older brother’s chest as he continues to cough.

“Shit, Karamatsu!” Osomatsu starts rubbing his little brother’s back in an attempt to help break up the fit. “The fuck, man? That sounds nasty. You coming down with something?”

Karamatsu can feel the others hovering closer, murmuring in concern among themselves. The coughs finally taper off and he scrubs at his eyes, no matter how much it hurts, even as more tears start to bubble up. “Y-yeah… I woke up sick…”

“What??” Choromatsu sounds almost like he’s been betrayed or something. “You should have stayed home! Ah… wait… wait, you walked all the way to the station from school in the rain when you already have a cold? That’s a great way to end up with a sinus infection or pneumonia! Shit, we gotta get you home…”

“Sorry…” Karamatsu manages to croak out, followed by more sniffles. Thanks to the cold air and the sneezing, his nose has started running again. “U-uh… does anyone have tissues…? I used all mine already…”

Ichimatsu starts to dig around in his pockets. “Yeah, I think I have some.”

As he hands over a small pack to his older brother, Osomatsu gives a protective squeeze. “Hey, Choro, don’t blame Karamatsu for all this. He should have said something, sure, but it’s not all on him here. We should have noticed something was up. Right? We’re his brothers.”

Karamatsu lets out a small whine of protest, pressing a tissue over his nose. It would have been nice for them to notice, but… it’s not like it’s their job. They don’t owe it to him to pay attention to him. “I-it’s not your fault…”

Before anyone else can say a word, Totty lets go of Choromatsu and darts over to circle his arms around Karamatsu’s waist. He’s sort of wedging himself between Karamatsu and Osomatsu, pretty clearly wanting to be with both of them. “Ah! We love you, Karamatsu-nii-chan!! We’ll take good care of you!”

“… Yeah,” Choromatsu chuckles. He reaches over to pat Karamatsu’s back. “I’m sorry we weren’t paying enough attention to notice you weren’t feeling well. But we’re gonna get you home and tucked into bed. And I’m sure Mom will call the drama club teacher to tell her you can’t perform tomorrow night.”

Jyushimatsu hums, and he appears to be trying very hard not to smile wide like he wants to do. “We’re probably all gonna catch it, right?”

Ichimatsu chuckles softly. “Yeah, that’s what usually happens.”

“So… we can go stomp in puddles, right? Since we’re gonna get sick anyway?”

“No, no, no,” Choromatsu immediately speaks up, “no stomping in puddles! We have to get Kara home!”

Of course, it’s too late. Jyushimatsu has run off ahead of them all, launching himself into every puddle he can find, his face switching between an irritated scowl and a borderline maniacal grin.

Totty’s still clinging to Karamatsu, snuggling against his shoulder. “We’ll all get to be sick together! That means we get to stay home from school for a couple days. We can sleep and watch movies and have a big cuddle puddle.”

Choromatsu sighs. “As long as we don’t miss the commencement ceremony, that’s okay. I guess the last few weeks of our senior year don’t matter too much with regard to schoolwork, anyway. Especially since we’re already adults.”

Another few coughs are muffled against Osomatsu’s chest, prompting everyone to give a brief stroke to Karamatsu’s back or hair. “Well, before we catch it,” Osomatsu says, “we’ve gotta get this geek home and throw his ass in bed. He’s really warm… feels like his skin’s gonna burn his clothes up. C’mon, Kara. We’ll get you wrapped up in a blanket, then maybe I can help Mom make some kayu to make you feel better.”

“Mm…” Well. That does sound pretty good. “… W-with umeboshi on top?”

“Yeah, sure! Whatever you want! And Choro can make some tea, Totty can pick out a movie, Ichi can get a cold cloth for your forehead, and Jyushi…” Osomatsu blinks and peers out where their fifth eldest is… way ahead of them. “What can Jyushi do?”

Choromatsu blows out a slow, frustrated breath. “… Stay out of the way??”

Totty giggles. “He can be the bodyguard! We’ll station him outside the room, and if any of Ichimatsu-nii-chan’s friends come by to try and take Ichimatsu-nii-chan away, Jyushi-nii-chan will scare them off!”

“Hey, yeah! That’s a good idea, Totty!”

“What? Why do you want to scare my friends away?”

“Because Karamatsu-nii-chan’s sick! They can’t drag you off somewhere when your big brother needs you! That’d be mean.”

“A-ah, hahahah… he’d be fine without me, but… I can just say no! We don’t need Jyushi to scare them away.”

“We miiiiiiight! At least, it would be funny!”

Karamatsu offers a tiny laugh, which quickly turns into another couple of coughs. He puts a weak arm around Totty and wonders how he’s going to keep his eyes open for the rest of the walk home. He thinks they’re not too far away, though.

“Thanks, guys… this… this might not be such a bad day after all…”

[bedbellyandbeyond]

Gainer, Part 1

(Sort of a One Shot Story Post 1/3)

“Alright, guys. It’s week three of my gain train and I have gained…” Jeffrey stepped off the scale, opened his eyes, and sighed. “…Point…five pounds. Well. That’s progress! I’m sure…I’m sure my body just needs to get used to this new gaining thing. I’ll update you next week. Subscribe to HEFFrey! Later!” He turned off the camera and groaned. Another week of failure. Any kind of gain would’ve been nice. Muscle gain. Fat gain. Subscriber gain, even. He just didn’t know what he was doing wrong. The first week he’d tried stuffing himself silly. Second week was gainer shakes and reps. Third week was water chugging to try for even water weight. But everything just went straight through him. He had been cursed with this scrawny twink body when all he wanted was to be a big bellied bear. His aunt had said their family was blessed with a godly metabolism but he always felt like it was more than that. He couldn’t gain a pound even when he tried hard. He felt doomed to being a hundred and twelve pounds soaking wet.

The comments were nice though. Since his channel was new, it was mostly supporters, hardly any trolls bothered to lurk around him, though he’d get the odd ‘wtf’ down there or people who wished they could keep weight down and envied him. Mostly though, he had some followers who encouraged him and looked forward to his development. They said he should keep trying and he’ll get there. But it just felt like an impossible dream. This night a couple comments popped up right away. ‘Love the water stuff. Keep it coming.’ ‘U cute already. No need for gains.’ ‘More ass shots.’ ‘Hnnnghgnnnnngnghg’ He chuckled a bit at them. He knew guys would be jerking off to it. In a way, it was what he was going for. It made him feel sexy, though it felt a little gross at times. Essentially, it depended on his mood. But it was a fetish thing, gaining, so he knew what to expect. Another thing he expected were the suggestions. In fact, he’d only tried to water gain because of a suggestion on a previous video. So when he saw a comment of someone trying to peddle some kind of gain quick scheme, he was mildly interested. ‘I have trick for you. It is good. Get big fast. Just a drink. Message me contact info.’ He rolled his eyes. Guys were always trying to hook up with him like this, and it was a little annoying. ‘Get big fast’ wasn’t going to be enough to get his digits. He never met with people from online. Call him traditional, but he was a face to face kind of guy. He wasn’t even on Grindr. There weren’t any other comments worth scrolling through, so he plugged in his phone and decided to retire for the night. He went to bed emotionally deflated and hoped he could find something new to try tomorrow.

“You’re HEFFrey.” He was at his favourite bar the next night. He was never a big fan of beer, but his gainer mindset convinced him if he drank it enough, maybe one day he’d have a trucker worthy beer gut. He was two coronas deep when he heard the name called out. The music in the bar was loud though and his lightweight ass was a little buzzed already so at first he thought he was just hearing things. But then again in the strong accent he couldn’t place, his tag was called again. “You are HEFFrey. Gain boy of the web.” A tall stranger had sat down next to him. The guy had very pale skin, jet black hair, and these wide blazing sun coloured eyes that stared so deeply. He didn’t move as he spoke directly at Jeffrey. “It is you, yes?” he asked again. “Uh…” Jeffrey started sweating all over. Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, was all he could think. His biggest fear was someone recognising him from his channel. That’s why he tried not to film his face in the videos. So how did this guy know? “Must be you. You have the mother’s marking,” the stranger said pointing to a spot on the back of Jeffrey’s palm. “My birth mark…” Jeffrey whispered, pulling his hand away and cradling it. “So… You got me… Please though, it’s private. Don’t tell anyone.” The stranger shook his head. “No. But I left you a comment. Did you read?” “Uh, thanks bro, but I get a lot of comments…” “I help you. I know fast gain. Big gain.” Jeffrey blinked. So this guy… Was this the guy who asked for his contact info? He always imagined his subscribers lived halfway across the globe. What was the coincidence they’d be meeting in the same city in the same bar the very next day? “I have gain product,” the guy said. After he finished speaking, he actually moved now and fished a bottle out of a satchel Jeffrey hadn’t noticed earlier. The bottle looked just like the one of Mass Gainer he had at home, but this one was in some unrecognisable language. Jeffrey blinked at it and scoffed. “I’ve tried that kinda stuff…” “No. You have not. This is not like your lame human powders. This is from my homeland. It is guaranteed gain.” “Listen, dude. Nothing works on me,” Jeffrey said. “This stuff sounds great, but I’m almost ready to give up.” “No!” The guy shook his head quickly. “You are my favourite to watch. I promise you, this works.” Jeffrey huffed and drank a bit more of his beer. “What do I gotta do? I can’t read that shit…” The man beamed excitedly. “It dissolves in any drink. Milk. Water. Beer. Smoothie. Up to you—” Jeffrey snatched the bottle, uncapped it, and poured half a cup of it into his beer. He lazily swirled it around with a finger before chugging it down. The alcohol went straight to his head and he felt a little tipsy. “Ah… Oop…too fast.” The stranger watched him in awe, a pleased smile on his face. “How do you feel?” “Like this ain’t gonna work…” Jeffrey leaned forward and grabbed the handsome strangers shirt. “But I did it for you cause you’re hot, so how ‘bout you take me home?” The stranger all but sparkled. “I’d love to.”

The next morning, Jeffrey woke up with a wicked hangover and an ache in his anus he felt like he would feel for days. He didn’t remember much from the night before. He remembered little clips: a car ride, the sound of his keys, shirts flying off, the overall feeling of being hot and horny. But now, he felt sick and gross, with a side of regret. But he knew the ache of a good fuck and it had been a while. Too bad he couldn’t even remember the other guy’s name and he was nowhere to be found… After throwing up in the bathroom, he pulled himself to his feet and went to wash his face. The water was so cool and refreshing it helped him think straight and his vision cleared up as well. A second later, he was staring at himself in the mirror. “…No… No way…” He backed up slowly, staring down at his midsection. He couldn’t believe it. His usually concave stomach was actually slightly bloated. For anyone else, this would be a side effect of all the beer and snacks he had the day before, but for him, it was like he’d become as fat as Santa Claus. He couldn’t believe it. Looking down, he pressed a finger into his stomach to make sure it was real. When his skin resisted, he felt almost faint with delight. It worked! That guy’s stuff, whatever it was, actually worked! And overnight too! He tried to reconnect his mind to his feet so he could go stand on his scale. He closed his eyes and counted to three, then looked down. “…Two…Two pounds? Two pounds!” Jeffrey started panting. “Oh my god… Oh my fucking god… I need to… I need to vlog this!” He nearly tripped over himself trying to get to his camera. He was so excited to share his new growth. “Hey, guys! So...Oh my god, this is a pretty, uh, impromptu video. I said I'd be back next week, but, uh... Well, just look!” He paraded his new body in front of his camera very pleased with himself. “So, this growth is kind of a mystery... I met this pretty hot guy who had, like, a gainer shake powder or whatever. Some cool foreign stuff. Threw it in my beer and here we are. I’m so excited. To that guy, thanks bud! I didn’t get your name but like… You know. Hit me up.” He rubbed his stomach happily and patted it. “Okay, so that’s all for now. I can’t wait to see where we are next week.”

This slight new shape gave Jeffrey so much confidence. He celebrated every night and woke up each morning ridiculously hungover. He managed to sober up for his work shifts but he didn’t have too many shifts so he didn’t worry about it. Besides, his cousin, though barely around, paid for everything in their apartment so work wasn’t important to him. He’d started dedicating all his own income to this gain thing. He always went to the same bar each night but he didn’t see the powder guy anywhere again. He shrugged it off though. You could only get lucky so often, right? Flipping on the camera a week later, he nearly danced in excitement. “Alright, first reading of the day,” he said. “My appetite’s been up and as you guys can see, there’s definitely new growth. I feel like I should have, like, a name for when we do a scale reading… Scale…scale… Uhhhh… Measurement mode? Hah, I don’t know… I’ll work on it…” He stepped on the scale and beamed. “Another two pounds! Guys, I’m… Just wow. I’m 116 lbs now. I never thought I’d get here… Let’s do a belly measurement!” He pulled out his measuring tape and pulled it around his middle. “29 inches! God, I mean, compared to what’s out there, that’s pretty lame, but for me, this is so dope. I was 25 inches two weeks ago. Jesus. I hope this keeps up. I’m fucking…I’m shook or whatever.” He turned and gave them one last extended front and profile view before signing off and turning off the camera. He wasn't much of an editor so he just re-watched it to make sure he liked the video and threw it up online. Within minutes he was getting quite the comments. Many were just as excited as he was and he loved it. One guy mentioned his arm was still bigger than Jeffrey but Jeffrey didn’t mind. He knew he was gonna get big. He just had the best feeling about it.

Part 2 Part 3

[countarganan]

Plot Wishlist stuff for thighhighsandgoldeneyes

@thighhighsandgoldeneyes

Havana: Dagran is a dancer and escort at a high-class club, and Arganan needs a date for the night, to look good. Arganan ends up picking up Dagran, figuring the man is pretty and a sweet talker, and he wants to have some company while he’s alone and away from home, as he’s away from home to attend a series of conferences.

Things get a bit complicated once Arganan realizes he’s more attracted to the younger man than he thought. But does Dagran feel the same?

Rumors: Arganan is more than aware of Dagran’s wish to wreak vengeance on General Asthar, but he also knows he needs the General to win the war. So, he plans out and manipulates a compromise—have the General fake his death when Dagran tries to kill him so Dagran thinks he’s killed him, and meanwhile have Asthar go undercover and secretly spy against the Gurak. Arganan doesn’t intend for Asthar to be alive at the end, though—his ultimate plan is to let Dagran actually kill him with the justification of framing Asthar for conspiring with the Gurak. That way, Arganan can win his war and let Dagran get his revenge.

Unfortunately, the plan starts to go awry when rumors of Dagran conspiring with the Gurak start being whispered, and Arganan wonders if he has an actual Gurak conspirator in his midst. He hopes the rumors are false regarding Dagran, but...

Spin Your Chances (THE NO WAR VERSE): As you suggested in our chat, we keep the Spin Your Chances verse because it has the opportunity of going down the rabbit hole of nobles disapproving their relationship. There will be dragons and Dagran befriending Calista who helps her in turn to tame mitra, but also arganan and dagran scheming against the whole court (which is totally not what an ambassador should do but dagran is petty) and eventually they achieve peace between lazulis and where the gurak live together with the south, there are so many good possibilities we don't have in canon and we should keep at least the timeline to use for some kind of plot

I mean consider calista's reaction when she first meets dagran and realises he's her uncles boyfriend like a) they're almost the same age and b) she probably thinks all dagran wants is the money but then he's genuinely nice and caring and she can't even be upset and he even dances with her at one of the balls they have

arganan is just enarmoured bc his niece is his precious and dagran getting along with her is all he could have hoped for

the brother is just like, so awkward around dagran bc he knows him for what he is (he has to being the count) but also dagran is nothing but pretty and nice and it fucks with his head bc it goes against he's been told by his government

Arganan and his bro getting into fights about this and Arganan says the polite version (or not so polite version) of "SCREW YOU, I LOVE HIM AND YOU'RE NOT TAKING HIM AWAY FROM ME"

dagran's not so happy about people fighting over him, but he likes that arganan is serious with him, he probably clings a little too much to him bc he's never really had a family and He Wants To BelieveTM

Another verse thing:

I'm having a thought it's quite under developed but would you be up for combining dagran not killing asthar with his relationship to the count later and thus altering the storyline of the game because asthar would be such a good influence on dagran making him remember what he actually wanted back than and maybe realising that he has it now, not sure what that would turn into later but it sounds like a lot of good for dagran and lazulis, arganan could willingly resign and only stay to help as an advisor together with dagran as they rule the island

bc you know asthar is your muse too but we could just take everything good and put it into one versearganan learning about zoran and dagran tearing up a little when he's put behind bars for his protection

Another thing:  thighhighsandgoldeneyesyou know what I want, a scenario where I can make him say "I gotta look cool sometimes"

countarganan YESand then arganan facepalms

thighhighsandgoldeneyes dagran: *almost gets killed* I gotta look cool sometimes *strikes a pose* arganan: *questions why he loves this dumb man so much*

"please don't do this ever again" "aww but I looked cool" "no" *softly as he holds dagran's face*

thighhighsandgoldeneyesI have another question very out of the blue my head just says I should ask have you considered asthar/dagran which then again pales bc pls take a moment to consider arganan thinking he doesn't deserve a happy ending and that is why he did all that he did to make it easier on dagran if he died or their ways had to part for any other reasoncountargananOH WOWAsthar/DagranI've thought of it, but I keep thinking it would have a kind of violent beginningDagran trying to kill Asthar and Asthar is trying to not get killed and then...they accidentally put one on each otherand both are like "WTF"

trying to kill each other turns into angry sex right then there in the middle of a war

thighhighsandgoldeneyesdagran would take all his anger out on him and they'd be bloody and bruised at the end of it and dagran would hate himself, feeling all sorts of things at once that he doesn't know how to deal with (he knows how the self loathing works so he goes for that) and everything is awkward for a while between them after itasthar probably finds out how dagran humours the count which just adds to that

asthar could be dagran's voice of reason because let's admit it he doesn't have one

and while he does he's telling dagran stories about what happened after the attack, not right away how he found out and took the blame for it and how much it still hurts him to this day, but he tells dagran about how he went back to help and try and organise more help, how the people treated him, the stories he's heard, the cities and villages he's visited and how it made him understand more about how dangerous the outsider is bc it's draining the land (bc the south knows they're close to the gurak so they're familar with that story) and he tells him about the children and families he stayed with and what he learnt abt their culture and all when they both can't sleep and he just think it might cheer dagran up to hear that things are getting better and his home isn't a complete wasteland like he remembersthe second time dagran kisses him it's because he doesn't know how to express feelings but asthar cheered him up and he wants him to know and he's so damn flustered he doesn't know what to do with himself once it happened

asthar is like sighing mentally, while admitting that dagran is kinda adorable but he really shouldn't because dagran is so much younger and what good can come off this so there is a lot of pining and confusion for a long timethighhighsandgoldeneyeson the other hand consider dagran having a hard time keeping his act up around arganan bc he's so genuine in his affection and dagran is too good at reading people to not understand that he means it and that like fucks with his whole scheme and dagran doesn't know how to handle it

thighhighsandgoldeneyesasthar thinking like, everything's chill because dagran is helpless and confused so as long as he doesn't act on his own feelings nothing will happen but Chemistry Is A Thing Whoops Where Did Our Clothes Gothighhighsandgoldeneyesbut again it's incredibly terribly timing bc more war going on (dagran looks good in those thigh-high boots okay)

thighhighsandgoldeneyesthey're always kinda in situations where someone could walk in any moment but it also never stops them

countargananYESMAKE OUT IN THE LIBRARY

thighhighsandgoldeneyesright above the kids who study and if just one of them looked up JUST ONEbut magically none do 

countargananOH MY GOSH"Dagran I'm trying to save the land from decaying, stop distracting me and don't you dare take off your shirt"

thighhighsandgoldeneyes"whose fault is it I had to fight water reptids""..." "I'm bloody soaked!"countarganan"Yes, but there are bedrooms and washrooms for a reason" *curses under his breath*

thighhighsandgoldeneyesand dagran just looks at him like he doesn't understand and swaps clothes right then and there, the guards either don't notice or think it's funnycountargananAsthar: *sighs* *mutters* You are going to be the death of me in some form I swear

thighhighsandgoldeneyesdagran: *blinks innocently*countargananAsthar: *next* time use a less public space than this? there are others that could see this

thighhighsandgoldeneyes"that's why you're here to act as my shield"countargananoh lol XDAsthar just...he just tries to get back to researching and reading

thighhighsandgoldeneyesasthar getting upset when dagran is with the count bc he's JealousTM and doesn't know what is going on but he also can't waltz in there like "excuse u wtf u doin' with my love interest" esp when nothing is going on, he's also upset about the methods dagran has to resort to to get what he wantscountargananHe WOULD be so so upsetTherius almost finding out and Asthar trying to desperately keep it secret

thighhighsandgoldeneyeslet's be real asthar would panic, dagran would panic but then therius turns out to be as dense as a brick, not in an innocent way like zael, it just goes right above his head and asthar is so relieved when he realises that but dagran kinda wants to know how much he can get away with and it's hilariouscountargananYES

thighhighsandgoldeneyesI mean do you remember his conversation with asthar about women that boy is as ace as it gets he doesn't have a cluecountargananso so true XD

thighhighsandgoldeneyesasthar: *gets lost in lazulis castle despite living there for three months* dagran: *watches and sighs, reminding himself that asthar may be an idiot sometimes but he's his idiot*he has to hold his hand so he doesn't get lost sometimes

I couldn't help but think of Arganan and Dagran dancing to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzgTMh21zhI&feature=youtu.bethighhighsandgoldeneyesdagran would drive anybody crazy dacing with them if that's playing and he wouldn't even have to try

[tranquilitybasehotelcasino]

honorable mentions: quotes that didnt make it into my recent "the signs as" post

but wAS THE DOCTOR NOrMAN BATES????? good evening, you dirty homestuck lmo i lunch what are you, a chump welcome to your tape i nominate cordy for bucket duty PENNSYLVANIAAAAAA you got me. i am a cute polyamorous fuck thats allergic to spice "Yahtzee" said Dave. "Oppan Gangnam Style," her brain said approvingly. "Bruh," said Terezi. 🐴esist "i ship it" bb said blankly. the score is now Cordy 826, Jacob Asshole. welcome to scenic Screwup City, population Allison Keith "fuck up", see under "shut the" at least we have memes to dull the pain of existence i once had a dream that the kid who played rico in hannah montana went to our school im allison, from gym class im karina, from hell imagine if all babies sounded like Cr1tikal i think i convinced my moms friend to name her son eridan gay love! bee communism, and robot communism for that matter, sleepless in seattle 2: electric boogaloo yknow i dont think nebraska exists ava and emma are pyromaniacs, more at 11 dont you >:3c at me young man how did you know chess the musical was a musical about chess i hate shakespeare but ive alrready sold my soul to the bard *someone sends me a video of a furry convention* this is cyberbullying okay ive wanted to do this for a while but guys i gotta come out to you im a communist and a lesbian but more importantly a communist "disgusting" beef cheek bernie will pierce me DIE COMMIE FUCKER kisses smorch is a valid fantroll name i sweater god sounds like something a daddy dom would say amelia have you ever heard of a wild concept called church and the redemption of sin my entire body is in tangible pain!!! n'y'all welcome to hellmurder island ill be your concierge LEEEEEEEEROY NJENKINS hatsune malfoy maybe the REAL horcruxes were the friends we made along the way *soccer mom voice* sorry marlene, you arent daddy material pumpkin party in sea hitler's water apocalypse: the real straight agenda I HAVE WEAK THUMBS, LIZZIE my name. is will SHAW. *accidentally flushed my pad down the toilet* well this has gone completely fucking pear shaped, looks like theres no other way outta it. youre going to have to decapitate m no but listen have you ever actually played russian roulette dave strider, hatsune miku, and vlad the impaler walk into a bar, brandon you chicken fried fuck chapter one; old man megido and the freezer of doom STEALING MY PHONE WONT CHANGE YOUR INCESTUOUS FEELINGS ANDREW *blasting metal crusher* fuck me mettaton hey cordy what happens if i snort pop rocks "you die" shit really fuck you and fuck your dog biscuits!! young man, are you suggesting we blackmail batman i identify as an anime character, i promise i am pikachu in my heart im a fucking winner! a winner!!!! oh shit its sans undertale OH SHIT ITS JOHN HOMESTUCK O H S H I T I T S D I P P E R G R A V I T Y F A L L S No Archive Warnings Apply: Aradia Megido/Aradia Megido fucking mc escher YOUVE MURDERED US BOTH, YOU SON OF A BITCH, IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU *loudly humming megalovania* "please" sbear ov juddice shes fuckinh whispering the lyrics to funkytown in my ear *ievan polkka blasting* taste THIS rainbow! goddammit janet b-buddy? *dani california blasting* listen. have you ever seen 2001: a space odyssey? "no" okay watch it and tell me being in love with hal 9000 is wrong i warned you about the stairs bro, i told you dog IT JUST KEEPS HAPPENING ELLLLLLECTRIC LEMONNNNNNN *screaming* MARQUISE SPINNERET MINDFANG eat me, lizzie millican! mushroom dance, mushroom dance, whatever could it mean? "it means youve lived a life of sin" *loud and squeakily* aND EVERY TIME WE ToUC H— DOES ANYONE HAVE THE VIDEO OF ME SWALLOWING RUBBER "nah" ha! youre broke! why is beetlejuice mossy WRONG CHAT WRONG CHAT i am the left brain, i am the left brain work very hard till my inevitable death brain you got a job to do, you better do it right and the right way is with the left brains might I L I K E O R E O S A N D P U S S Y welcome to antisocials anonymous *angrily* tHIS is why youre nEVER GONNA BE STAGE MANAGER *someone sneezes* shut the fuck up your blood is like a venetian delicacy also send nudes DIDNT MEAN TO SEND THAT THOSE ARE MY MINECRAFT PANTIES YOU SON OF A BITCH we should all go to comic con as homeless people with aids "no, annick" ITS BETTER THAN UNDERTALE im so sorry mr strizzle "lance lance revolution" please watch less voltron im pretty sure thats called cystic fibrosis Annick DuChateau has changed her name to 4 Entire DQ Blizzards in a Trench Coat on the count of three everyone kinkshame karina thats gay charlotte!!!! thats gay!!!! "and his memes arent funny" HEY NOW babbay pullmd close rin the backerseart of yowizr rofetr WHERE ARE MY HEADPHONES IM GONNA TAKE BLEACH SHOTS i cant believe brandons a directioner "i cant believe jacks emo" cry me a table, linda *groping an undertale body pillow* kama sutra, siena *singing off key* oNE RinG to RULE THem aLL soak me in your finest milks daddy who is our messiah? ... mrs d'angelo (our science teacher) *brandishing a plastic horseshoe* take it back, fuckboy i hate the library. everyone hates the library. you know what? heres your three dollars. ill see you in hell every time you speak, i hear the sound it makes when pac-man dies rey picks up kylo and dunks him in the trash. fucking obliterated are you a parking ticket? the future terrifies me if you cant put an end to moffat's shit writing you cant put an end of my life cake. stick it in your hoo-hah POLICE PUT THE CUMMIES ON THE GROUND oh you love homestuck? name five of his albums your room has posters with the dead eyes of Cameron Diaz boring through the souls of all who enter--- sollux feels trapped in a hell of "Wheels on the Bus" holy shit is that kurt cobain "yahtzee" said dave "ahem. undertale" then im gonna pull out my dads bigass bowling ball like "this is 1/800 the mass of vy canis majoris" only dumbfucks play magic the gathering in his free time, reginald enjoys BODY SLAMMING CIVILIANS WITH HIS WHEELCHAIR YES EGGSY blondie screeches to a halt, another comrade fallen meggers preggers THE HOT WINGS AVA THE HOT WINGS lizzie dont name your kid onomatopoeia annick youre a running joke in my household i can cut fabric lady but if you wanna see a super special skill i can cut human flesh you kids with your understuck and hometale im extra homosexual, but im in love with him. god bless that man. his laugh is my text tone bellybutton fetish KARINA ITS FIVE AM

[yougoatthis]

got assalted last night

so we went to the bar last night eh...u might have seen a couple of my snaps... i was pretty lit took a couple muscle relaxants couple advil and half an anti anxiety pill with bunch of drinks. i was feeling pretty loose... pretty on fleek..found some Minnie mouse ears some jumbo glasses in the snow was wearing them having the trillest time in the bar. Couple girls sitting down and one dude i was chatting up and the dude across the table was taking my pic with his friend haah bla bla bla.... anyways these girls at same table ask if i have a lighter..i currently did not for some reason and was like "no sorry i dont"... then they asked if i could get them one...and well i was kinda like damn these chicks hella lazy but im not doing anything so yea ill be a bro.... i go out to smoke balcony ask around..one guy says he has one but its his last so he would want it back... i said no problem i think these girls only need it for a bit...i didnt have any change so i gave him a 5 dollar bill as a deposit and said ill come back in 15 or 20 min. he was chill with that...i go back to the girls and one guy, hand them the lighter and say "here u go but just to let u know i need to give it back to this guy i gave a 5 dollar deposit ahah"... they said okay yea no problem.. i also let them know that the smoke pit was closing in 15 minutes to which they replied "yea no thanks come back in 15 and well give it back".....so 20 minutes goes by i come back.... the three of them havent seen to have moved at all... i say hey look balcony is closed now can i have the lighter back or u guys going to use it outside.... the girls said we gave it to our friend and pointed to guy behind me walking to to the table so i turn around and ask the guy "hey bro u got that lighter your friends here gave to you" he said "nah i never got a lighter i think its that guy who has it" points to another guy on my left walking up to the table.... i ask him same thing but also adding that i just gotta give it back to guy i borrowed from.....meanwhile im still standing at the table so the girls can hear all this and but are ignoring and talking to that one guy whos been sitting down the whole time...the last bro though says listen buddy the girls are fucking with you they have the lighter.... so now im looking at the girls and the guy sitting down and these two other guys who have also sat down and im standing... i say "hey listen i dont usually care that much its just a lighter but i went and got it for you and gave a guy 5 bucks who's expecting it back and i know one of you has it so can i have it back please and ill help u get a light later in the night when u actually plan on having a smoke"...one bitch faced dumb cunt looks at me and says "you are not getting your lighter back so just fuck off" at this point i am flabbergasted that 5 people who seemed chill are just letting this happen like its completely normal...so i walk off stunned not sure what to do..... i then sober up enough to realize what they did is not okay and this shit will not stand. i was however not by any means sober at this point... as i am walking i see salt and pepper shakers but u know like in corona bottles. i take the salt one pop off the lid walk back and to table pour a big fat line on their table that was empy and say "Heres seven years of bad luck motherfuckers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" i start briskly walking away but i didn't get more then a step before first bro that been there the whole time splashes his drink all over me from across the table throws his glass at me which smashes at impact with my cranium.. i am but a dazed, smelling like rum and coke soaking wet still walking off... i quickly realized i am severally outnumber 5 to 1 but like 3 to 1 cause girls dont count .... an idea pops into my head.... if im going to get the shit kicked out of me i need one of two things.. some back up... or my buddy to snapchat it/ upload to worldstar... i spot my friend from across the bar.. he is 6'5 and a real bro... i make my way to him tell him i might be in some trouble. we look over to other side across the whole bar at the table and i see this blue shirt roided out glass thowing motherfucker making his way through the swarm of people his eyes locked on my minnie mouse ears...i am ready, more than ready i am stoked.. i know how lit i am right now that this is going to be good i can take this fucker shits going down.... im thirsty for some blood... revenge flowing through my veins in the sea... a trickle of blood on my head from the glass ......who does that... douchbag of the year thats who.....he makes it right up in my face.. im waiting for him to strike first he gives me shove.. i step back one.. feeling the energy flow through me i am charged ready to go full force fists are clenched here we fucking go BUT WAIT!!!!!!! he pulls out a quick attack!!. its a trap card! in my brief moment of hesitation he has time to pull the salt bottle from behind his back and sprays it in face like a squirter getting double penatrated and finally cums ...its everywhere mate im fucking blind there is salt in my eyes i cant see shit it burns... one eye seems to be functioning enough to watch this coward ass bitch run back to his table....looks like i dunked my whole head in salt.. a little bit got on this bro behind me to and he is chapped... i tell him its that blue shirt fuck across the table.. hes fucking livid.. im blind in one eye but raging like a bull... the march is on. we start making our way back across the bar...all bets are off anything goes,. someone is going down hard tonight.... and hes wearing a blue shirt. 20 feet away now...15...10...fuckkkkkk bouncer is right between us talking to the girls while the blue shirt is sitting down back at his seat like nothing happened.. bouncer looks at me..hes got questions... im at 100 right now.... things need to change.. i open my mouth pull my tongue out and look at it.... yes its fucking silver. its my time to shine. time to bullshit like ive never bullshitted before. i bring myself down to 1... he says "these girls are saying u poured salt on all over them bud its time to fucking leave" i say " listen man thats not what happened, but i have no problem grabbing my jacket and leaving i dont want any trouble or confrontation but that guy behind you just came across the bar and poured salt in my face for no reason" thesed girls are now bitching in his ear he shushes them then tells them to go sit down back with blue fuck. bouncer says "did u pour salt all over them first though".... i say "buddy does it look like i poured salt on them.." he turns his head around to no joke like 10 feet behind us the three of them sitting at their table talking to each other pretending like nothing happened and they had won. they all looks fine. actually they look good... finely groomed... blue fuck is probably soaked between the legs with shit running down to his ankles but u cant see that the table is in the way... he looks back at me, my eye is watering face is fucking red shirt soaked salt all over me in my face hair ears on my shirt.. like fucking everywhere he says okay.. he believes every word im saying.. i can see it in his eye..he feels bad for me..he wants justice.. he asks me which guy i said that guy right behind u...in the blue..... he starts walking to go around the table.. meanwhile i step forward to across the table... stick out my hand and say loud enough that they can all hear including the bouncer who is now but a couple steps away walking around backside of this big table..... i say hey bud no hard feelings.. lets just be cool as my hand is extended waiting for a shake i fucking know will never come... and as i say it i wink right in his eyes and put a huge smirky grin on my face...... i see flames bursting out of his ears.. ive tipped the scale... he is about to explode foaming at the mouth. To little to late bud the bouncer puts his hand on his shoulder. blue fuck snaps throws his hand out of the way and stands up.... i retract my hand take two steps back and bring out the popcorn.... bouncer doesnt fuck around. Grabs him by the legs lifts him up and body slams down hard... im grabbing my ipod trying to snapchat its not woprkign its not working!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just enjoy the moment.. bouncer fucking elbows this kids face so hard into the floor headlocks and starts dragging him out... i raise my hands start the slow clap. it feels so fucking good.. one girl is crying other is screaming. im practically laughing right back in there stupid cunt faces. One of his buddies thought hed step up to plate takes a swing at another bouncer.. bouncer hits back guy hits back again damn this sit looks even...bouncer charges fucking tackles him throws him across the table. he rolls onto chairs gets up 4 more come in and fucking sedue the guy smashed his head into the wall dragging him out by is feet... i am in tears laughing my crew is behind me now watching the whole thing. ... i turn to the bitches and say..... "thats what u get for bic'in me...guess your bad luck has already started"... one chick kicks me in the shins and they both go running off....... and that is some of the best 5 bucks ive every spent... like i said... i got asSALTed

[gulescamisade]

Virginia:  Day 2

DAVENFORTH: -Here they are, on the road. The trees wiz by as Takoda rolls them along. Davenforth is awake right now, watching the scenery and trying to figure out exactly what the fuck is going on while a cold fish cuddles and snoozes on while being covered in various warming apparel-

MAYOR: -chewing on a delicious seat-

HIGHBLOOD: =The warm smell of a hot, fresh banana cream pie slowly seeps from the back=

RILEY: -she awakens to the smell of banana cream pie, opening her eyes from a snoring and drooling deep sleep against derek. she sits up and tiredly looks around for the source-

HIGHBLOOD: =its him, or rather the pie on the little table he's got propped up over his lap. A bowl of sliced bananas next to it, he lays the slices gently on the whipped surface of the pie=

DAVENFORTH: -Grumbles something about "clown magic" -

QIRIN: =Softest of tummy gurgles.=

QIRIN: =Gently places a hand over her own face.=

MAYOR: -all you SUCKERS can get hungry over pies if you want. It's not even green?-

HIGHBLOOD: =he might have green pies, who knows=

DAVENFORTH: -He really wouldn't recommend eating a juggalo party bus seat. Do you know what's been on these things?-

PENNY: -wakes up next to the mayor and groaaans. She is not feeling too hot right now. Also reaches over and tries to push the Mayor away from his seat eating.- dude no thats so gnarly.

DAVENFORTH: Marinated in sex sweat and faygo

GAIZKA: =Sleeping Meditating under a pile of those fuzzy rainbow robes. Legs kickied up against the side wall of the bus. Flicks an ear.= GAIZKA: only MoThErFuCkInG marinade WhAt will Do. =Tired bemused mumbling.=

QIRIN: Ugghhghghg

HIGHBLOOD: =Gaizka better be in the back with him= amen on that shit usual but nastyass blaspheme soaked up in it my motherfucker

DAVENFORTH: Still salty about that huh

DAVENFORTH: You know its not a religion on earth its more of a cult

DAVENFORTH: One condy probably brought here

MAYOR: ? -offers a handful of gross chair stuffing to penny-

HIGHBLOOD: =quirks eyebrow= .... one ought have words and extremities for her if that so be the realness, ain't too farfetched

GAIZKA: =If the back is where one has room for two 9 feet+ clowns then in the back he is. He hums.= stray souls in NeEd of some GuIdIn' AsSiSt or so it go. be So HiThEr, DiThEr or in the UnBrEaThAbLe.

DAVENFORTH: Do either of you know how a magnet works

HIGHBLOOD: in the unbreathable gaiz, they already been tainted =Shows finished banana cream pie to Davenforth, he will pie you=

PENNY: ... bro no. -nudges Mayor's hand away-

MAYOR: -Picky eaters... he offers a green crayon from inside of his tattered rags. U NEED TO EAT. sustain your internal skeleton.-

LIFERA: -she's only vaguely awake, wanting very much to hibernate a bit, but fins flick and she peers up around Dave's shoulder to look back at Gaizka.- ... -Grumpy glub.-

DAVENFORTH: -Answer the question. Also he will eat that entire pie-

GAIZKA: =Shrugs a shoulder underneath the pile.= if so a HoLy BrOtHeR pReAcH. =You do you man. Everyone just feel yourselves.= GAIZKA: magnets got tHeM mAgNeTiC aEsThEtIc AtTrAcT themselves some FrEnEtiC.

DAVENFORTH: -This is why he likes you Gaizka-

PENNY: bro........... PENNY: hey big guy are you sharing that pie? I think this dude needs it more than anybody.

MAYOR: -EXCUSE-

DAVENFORTH: Thats just how he eats

PENNY: Im gonna call bullshit on the whole concept of eating then.

HIGHBLOOD: =reaches a long arm to put a potholder on Riley's head. Then balance the pie on it, assembles another one while putting a whole plate of corn muffins with honey glaze on the Gaizka pile= motherfucker seem mightily content

GAIZKA: =Shakes his head out of the pile to peer at the muffins placed upon him. He's just gonna help himself, thanks brosef.= GAIZKA: =Holds a muffin up in Lifera's direction and tilts his head quizzingly. Why the grumpy glubs? Have a muffin.=

DAVENFORTH: -Trying his best to keep Lifera as warm as possible.-

RILEY: -keeps completely still- is there a pie on my head or am i still asleep?

LIFERA: ... -Smiles a little and takes the muffin. Bites it in half in one sharp slice of teeth and offers some to Davenforth.-

DAVENFORTH: (Nah you go ahead baybe im good)

RILEY: -takes the whole thing off her head and DIGS IN-

RILEY: -SHE IS HUNGRY-

GAIZKA: =Takes the opportunity to dump some of the rainbow robes on Lifera and Davenforth since he's getting up now apparently.= :o)

DAVENFORTH: -Gdi-

GAIZKA: AiN't any proper LoVeBiRdInG nest without SoMe FuZzIeS. =He got you homies.= ;o)

LIFERA: -SWALLOWS MUFFIN and snrks.- T)(ANKS seaweedie. -shh... we're married.-

DAVENFORTH: -Ceremony date is pending-

LIFERA: -not us me and Gaizka?? SHEESH.-

LIFERA: 3;*

DAVENFORTH: -Wasted-

GAIZKA: =They can all get married and become goat farmers in the alps. He gives Lifera a lopsided grin.= any ol' time AnGeLfIsH.

TAKODA: -still driving- }8) -he's smiling, wide eyed and trying to stay awake.-

LIFERA: -soft glubs... she loves this clownfish. Speaking of love and this clownfish, she glances over at their driver.- Are you still ocray up there, Takoda?

DAVENFORTH: You want me to take over koda

TAKODA: ... TAKODA: THAT WOULD PROBABLY BE W1SE, 1F WE SW1TCHED...

DAVENFORTH: Get some rest buddy -Smooches Lifs head and gets up to head up front-

TAKODA: -pulls off to the side of the road at the first opportunity-

GAIZKA: =Looks over Liffy while she glances away. Does her hair need a brushin'..?=

DAVENFORTH: -He is the captain now, and he takes a seat, getting them moving again. Where even are they headed? We just don't know, but it would probably be wise to stop at a gas station soon-

QIRIN: =they can always grab a hose and steal gas=

QIRIN: =she was a teenager, once=

GAIZKA: =One does not simply stop being a teenager.=

TAKODA: -wanders towards the back with the clowns and finds himself a seat. he should sleep but... now that he's not distracted by driving his thoughts are racing. darn it.-

GAIZKA: =Welcome to Clowntown. Have a rainbow robe. He drapes it around Takoda's shoulders while humming. Strategically sings out some of the lyrics lowkey.= (can't you see, you're my delight,) =Hum hum.= (just feel like, i won't get you, out of my mind.) =What's up here come dat thought and it's gay as hell.=

TAKODA: -geez... he's still not used to being spoiled with affection like this.- HEHEHE... THANK YOU...

GAIZKA: ;o)c GAIZKA: you feel on PeAcHy KeEn, BrOtHeR? been up on them WhEeLs for LoNg PaSs.

TAKODA: 1'M F1NE... JUST T1RED, 1S ALL. BUT ALSO, RESTLESS?

GAIZKA: yeah? how you ReCkOn that NoIsE AlLs up work? need HiM some PaCiN' or be ThEm ReStLeSs NoTeS of the MiNdSpAcE?

LIFERA: -her hair always needs brushing and is just past her shoulders now... it grows fast. She's spying on those two now, and maybe sliding closer. Lend her your warmth and your cuteness.-

LIFERA: 38)

TAKODA: 1T'S, UH, 1N THE HEAD, MOSTLY... -notices lifera APPROACHING- TAKODA: ... H1.

GAIZKA: seem none act keep SuChIn ThOuGhT FlOw WaNdErInGs at bay. =Sees Lifera slide n scoot on over, and thus lifts one of his big barrel arms. He's big enough for everyone to lend warmth to.=

GAIZKA: and this HoMeTtE? got just them BoD wAnDeRs or MiNd Be AlL iNcLuSiVe?

LIFERA: -squirms her round little self under his arm and snugs close, sighing.- Oh, I'm all thought out, I'm shore. My little ones are taken care of...

LIFERA: -And she's pretty prepared to throw herself into any oncoming frays, swords, bullets, etcetera. She doesn't really need to think much for that.-

GAIZKA: =Lowers his arm to wrap around her once she's snug like a bug in a rug.= AlLs them LiL ThOuGhTwAvEs done up and gone with themselves on the MoThErFuCkInG breeze. i feel you SiStEr.

DAVENFORTH: -Driving gives him time to focus, which for Dave maybe isn't the best thing but oh well. Earth was radically different since he last visited, and he still had no clue what was going on. Undoubtedly, Condy was behind the madness but...why split them up like this but leave them with means of communication? Was she that cocky? Taking a look at their fuel gauge, he figures they have a few more hours of travel time. He'll stop at the nearest gas station when he sees it.-

RILEY: - are you trying to focus Dave because get ready to be brocused. That pie she had is destroyed by now with no trace left. She plants herself in the seat nearest to the drivers- hey.

PENNY: -YEAH YOU GO UP THERE. She's gonna make herself cozy with the grand pieblood too.-

RILEY: -we got a mutual friend now suck on that-

LIFERA: Glub...

LIFERA: I just want to help in whatebber way is N-E-ED-ED.

LIFERA: I don't think my other skrills are of much use here.

PENNY: -GAAAHHHH-

HIGHBLOOD: =If she really is peeping at him he's downing a 2 liter of faygo like its nothing.... which incomparison to him..... it isn't. Peace signs at her=

HIGHBLOOD: =If she really is peeping at him he's downing a 2 liter of faygo like its nothing.... which incomparison to him..... it isn't. Peace signs at her=

PENNY: haha same. -she would guzzle something... IF SHE HAD IT.- PENNY: so uh. what do I gotta do to get a pie from you?

HIGHBLOOD: ain't nothin gotta get down lil sismiss HIGHBLOOD: shit doth occur in the time it's done dued up, you just ain't found it yet =She should check under her seat=

HIGHBLOOD: =He looks downward too actually=

PENNY: .... -follows his gaze. Is he looking at the pie??-

HIGHBLOOD: =He's looking under her seat, directly under the human buttsit, it's in a box with a big :o) on the top=

PENNY: oh shit.

PENNY: -reaches down to pull it out and pops the lid.- crouching pie hidden breakfast.

PENNY: thanks big guy. youre a real ten foot bro.

PENNY: sorry Im having a hard time getting past the whole...

PENNY: -spreads her hands wide- thing.

HIGHBLOOD: ain't no apologies needed

HIGHBLOOD: dunno your shit and ain't gonna pry lil sismiss

HIGHBLOOD: as it is it'll be, can't get its ass no other kinda way, you dig?

PENNY: that is. EXACTLY how I feel thank you.

PENNY: -there's probably not a fork in here right?? She's gonna try to nibble this pie with no hands.-

HIGHBLOOD: =Whats a fork=

PENNY: -yeah that's what she thought-

PENNY: ish pree goo tho.

PENNY: youre the real star of this road trip.

HIGHBLOOD: =compliments on his bakes, hell ye. Shimmers= truth on the quality confectionaries though butterance ain't needed

HIGHBLOOD: here not to be no star but keepin the dream alive as i is and am everywhere :o)

PENNY: dont think anyones ever called me the dream before. -SNRK-

DAVENFORTH: Sup -He's starting to get all focused and serious.-

HIGHBLOOD: ain't everybody got them eyes for prizes sismiss ;o)

PENNY: oh shit. I do like you. -scoops banana whip into her mouth with a hand because fuck it she's hungry and the handless approach isn't working-

HIGHBLOOD: tend to be an agreeable motherfucker what with all mine charm and beauty =chinhands=

PENNY: you are hella both in large quantities to no ones surprise. pretty sure everything about you is large. -eats pie contemplatively.-

HIGHBLOOD: in comparison and proportion :o)

PENNY: okay so real question. how many of these pies could you put down?

HIGHBLOOD: damn...... i mix varieties up in my eatins don't gorge on a single thing till a brofo am full....

HIGHBLOOD: ain't never tried but now got reason to do so :o0

PENNY: you gotta. for science.

PENNY: but mostly cuz I wanna see you eat like fifty pies.

HIGHBLOOD: oh fifty is easy

HIGHBLOOD: that ain't a thang sismiss

RILEY: you've got that look going on. i think it's time for some music.

HIGHBLOOD: =Music..... should be break out the sax=

PENNY: hell... yes??? this guy knows his limits and also his lack of them. God bless.

HIGHBLOOD: gotta be in peace with your mind and vessle sismiss

HIGHBLOOD: can do wonderous things

DAVENFORTH: Only music this bus has is icp if you want that be my guest

HIGHBLOOD: =Don't. He's breaking out the sax, that's it=

TAKODA: WE COULD ALL S1NG, AND PLAY MUS1C, 1F WE ARE THE K1NDS, WHO KNOW HOW TO PLAY 1NSTRUMENTS.

TAKODA: WH1CH 1 DO. AND 1 KNOW FOR A FACT, A LOT OF YOU HERE DO. }:o -at ghb's sax-

HIGHBLOOD: =Now that he's looking at it, yup. Here goes him, playing old pop songs from hundreds of years ago https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQxO32lKszo =

PENNY: -SWAYS. This is the best thing that could have possibly happened.-

MAYOR: -percussions on the cans-

DAVENFORTH: -He appreciates the irony but he needs a cigarette-

HIGHBLOOD: =He's fuckin it up on the sax, its just giving you too much life Davenforth=

DAVENFORTH: -A bowl. He needs a bowl. But he doesn't want to lose his focus. He doesn't fight as well under the influence as he used to...-

HIGHBLOOD: =Haha you're old=

DAVENFORTH: -No he just leads a more sober lifestyle-

PENNY: -OLD AS FUCK.-

HIGHBLOOD: =Both, but good on you man. This one goes out to you. Doots soulfully=

RILEY: that sax though.

RILEY: -with all the ruckus at least she can talk to him- you doing okay?

DAVENFORTH: Peachy fucking keen

RILEY: like shit. okay.

RILEY: now we're getting somewhere.

DAVENFORTH: Riri im good just trying to piece together what the actual fuck is going on

RILEY: is this actually something you can piece together? you're gonna stress yourself out thinking about it too much. we have a destination, we just have to get there.

DAVENFORTH: Fuck i dunno but ive gotta try and were a long ass way from minnesota

RILEY: you ever been to minnesota before?

DAVENFORTH: Once dont really remember it

RILEY: yeah. i've never been. had like one show scheduled there but i didn't go. just cuz it was minnesota.

DAVENFORTH: -Taps at the steering wheel-

RILEY: -glances over at him-

RILEY: -y u tap dat-

DAVENFORTH: -He's fine this is all fine.-

RILEY: -time to distract him- so you're legally dead, right.

DAVENFORTH: Dave skellington is me not so much im like missing or presumed dead or some shit just waiting to pop up at my own funeral like some kind of shitty clickbait article the empress of the universe thought he was dead what happened next will warm your heart

DAVENFORTH: Schrodingers asshole

RILEY: wow. that makes so much sense.

DAVENFORTH: I was my own agent

DAVENFORTH: I never revealed dave skellingtons identity to the public

DAVENFORTH: And when he got assassinated i was around him but my death was never confirmed just presumed

RILEY: damn. i should have done that. pulled a hannah montana like you did.

DAVENFORTH: It made shit stupid difficult

RILEY: yeah probably because literally everyone knew who you were.

DAVENFORTH: I worked hard for it

RILEY: weren't there like babies whose first words were dave?

DAVENFORTH: Probably

RILEY: -she pauses- you got a killer headache, huh?

DAVENFORTH: You dont want your babies first word to be dave

RILEY: -there it is- nope.

DAVENFORTH: Sucks to be you

RILEY: there's no possible way that's happening.

DAVENFORTH: -Shrugs-

DAVENFORTH: You doing alright

RILEY: -smug- you don't want your kids' first word to be riley?

DAVENFORTH: It was suh

RILEY: not a word.

DAVENFORTH: Sup is absolutely a word

RILEY: newborns can say suh.

DAVENFORTH: Can they say bro and dude

RILEY: really?

DAVENFORTH: Jinjin is a very talented baby

RILEY: damn trolls and their accelerated development.

DAVENFORTH: You hatin on my baby

RILEY: i'm jealous.

DAVENFORTH: Why you get to enjoy all that cute shit longer

RILEY: no, i mean i'm jealous I didn't grow up that fast.

DAVENFORTH: Wait youre grown up

RILEY: -such a glare- you are SO funny. just a comedic class act.

DAVENFORTH: I was voted most likely to die by cocaine overdose

DAVENFORTH: Also best dressed

RILEY: who are we polling?

JODIE: - shuffles around in the back somewhere. she's extremely hung over-

DAVENFORTH: Well that one was my high school class

QIRIN: =Now Jodie...imagine the greasiest pizza you have ever laid eyes on. Oil is literally dripping from the cheese. YUM.=

JODIE: - she's barely even conscious and she already wants this in her body-

RILEY: nice. great categories. -lifts her head- okay who fucking has pizza?

QIRIN: =I do. An imaginary one.=

DAVENFORTH: -Babe chill-

RILEY: wait. -groans- blaming my bad sense of smell on the baby.

JODIE: - she wants REAL pizza-

DAVENFORTH: I mean they were right werent they

RILEY: close enough. i don't think i was voted into anything. it would have been most likely to go to juvie for truancy.

JODIE: anybody got some water?

JODIE: -HER VOICE IS HOARSE. she got black out drunk and is now reaping the benefits.-

RILEY: -GIRL-

JODIE: -rubbing eyes.-

DAVENFORTH: -Nope only whiskey-

DAVENFORTH: You didnt miss much

JODIE: cool.

RILEY: somebody had a party last night.

QIRIN: =she slowly rose to her feet and handed her an unopened water bottle= ^_^

JODIE: -blessed woman. makes a smooching sound at her and then CHUGS IT-  

QIRIN: =dear lord=

QIRIN: If I may interject... Perhaps slower consumption will aid you better...

JODIE: that was like a pre-party. imma wait til we have something to celebrate before i pull out all the stops.

JODIE: -GLUG GLUG???-

QIRIN: =mainly she doesn't want her to choke=

RILEY: you can't get her to slow down.

RILEY: it's impossible.

JODIE: -drinks half the bottle and passes it on back-

JODIE: -fishes in her purse and reapplies lip balm- thanks bby.

QIRIN: It's quite all right, please keep it. =YOU MAY NEED IT LATER=

JODIE: oh sweet. after i drink it all i can pee in the bottle.

JODIE: save us time.

JODIE: -TOSSES IT IN HER PURSE-

QIRIN: =frog god help her=

JODIE: i swear i can get it all in without a stray drop. it's a talent.

DAVENFORTH: Theres a bathroom -If you can call it that-

JODIE: damn. fancy ass bus.

RILEY: a bottle actually might be preferable.

JODIE: -MIGHT BE A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED THAT SHE CAN'T SHOW OFF HER TALENT.-

RILEY: -has to pee aLL THE TIME THANKS RYAN-

RYAN: -rihanna winks from the womb-

RILEY: -GIRL!!!!-

DAVENFORTH: -Hark! Is that a gas station he sees in the distance?-

RILEY: -PLEASE JESUS-

DAVENFORTH: -Indeed it is! Davenforth pulls into the station. Is it abandoned we just don't know yet.-

DEREK: -eyes out the window-

DAVENFORTH: Alright kids its time for a rest

RILEY: i'm really fucking hungry. does this place have those rent a showers? not like i have any earth money on me. do they accept that anymore?

DAVENFORTH: -Shrugs-

QIRIN: What of trading?

RILEY: -blinks at qirin for a moment- oh. yeah! that.

DEREK: -stands up and stretches-

DAVENFORTH: Pretty sure they dont accept third borns

DAVENFORTH: Lets see if this place isnt abandoned first -Looks at Derek like you coming with?-

RILEY: -she's already walking out the bus-

DEREK: -HELL YEAH HE IS. nods at the brother and trots on after-

DAVENFORTH: -Hops off the bus-

DAVENFORTH: So if there aint anyone in there you think you remember how to do that thing behind the counter to get free gas

RILEY: -there better be some FOOD IN HERE-

DEREK: Sure I do. -ok hand- I got this.

RILEY: get us some fuel, baby.

DAVENFORTH: -Heads on in-

DAVENFORTH: Anybody home

RILEY: -curiously looks around. what's this place look like anyway-

QIRIN: Honestly. At the very least write an IOU.

DAVENFORTH: -It's much akin to a good sized seven eleven. Hot dog and pizza machine, aisles of snacks with the cooler section in the back with drinks. There's even a tv on the wall with the latest news. Everything is up and running but Davenforth notes it's quiet-

QIRIN: =what's on the telly?=

RILEY: -if there's no one in here she's gonna take some shit and run. she's checking some expiration dates on some chips to make sure-

DAVENFORTH: -Deez nuts-

DEREK: -peeks behind the counter casually. nobody's there, but maybe they're just in the bathroom or the back room or something. either way, he's hopping over the counter to do his thing.-

DAVENFORTH: -There's probably something on tv about policies the New dual juggalo presidents are going to be enacting. Boring stuff honestly. Oh yeah, Two juggalos won the presidency. Davenforth is trying to figure out how to make some tea for folks. Everyone is cold.-

RILEY: -she's stuffing her arms full of stuff like cheap hot dogs and sandwiches and donuts and a whole bunch of shit before just straight up slippin it in the sylladex. there's a bathroom and she's going to take this opportunity while it's here. tHERE sHE GOES-

DAVENFORTH: I can see why you married her

DEREK: -grins as he watches her go. she scurry.- Yeah... We used to get into all kinds of shit back in the way.

DAVENFORTH: Youre always getting into shit -He too, is stuffing his sylladex full of shit, non perishable food, water, Gatorade, microwavable burritos and pizza rolls...until he actually hears the named shaggy 2 dope and violent j. Now the tv has his full fucking attention-

RILEY: -busts out of the restrooms- okay, guys, i-- -she sees dave looking at the tv so she also is looking at the tv and not believing anything she's seeing right now-

QIRIN: =trying to ignore all this petty crime happening=

QIRIN: Can you believe it? =She's paritially asking herself that question=

DAVENFORTH: That would explain the rise of the juggalos

RILEY: -frowns- you sure this isn't one of those sketch comedy shows? or a mockumentary?

DAVENFORTH: Afraid not

DEREK: -furrows brows at the tv- Whats the point of fucking the planet over to this degree? Did all the Alternian imperialized planets get this kinda treatment?

RILEY: this is fucking ridiculous. how is this a thing? who made this a thing?