#'they truly think they're the Good Guy here' and so few of them EVER manage to actually do that

[musical-chick-13]

I’m having too many Feelings™ about Noir again, this time specifically about how no “Sympathetic and Well-Intentioned Tragic Villain” in any other piece of media will ever be done as successfully and effectively as Altena.

[rrxnjun]

where do broken hearts go? [lmk]

you know what they say about past lovers that can remain just as friends - either they're still in love with each other, or they never were in the first place.

pairing: mark lee x fem! reader

genre: exes to lovers. angst, fluff.

wc: 12k (11.926)

warnings: mention of sex, weed and alcohol, heartbreak, swearing, park jihoon of treasure is one sassy bitch and also accidentally somehow the main character of this fanfic plz dont @ me, inconsistent writing style bc i took 3 months and 3 depressive episodes to finish this fic

playlist: where do broken hearts go - one direction / too good to say goodbye - bruno mars / everytime - ariana grande / closer - waterparks / tornado warnings - sabrina carpenter / survive the night - the boyz

a/n: hey do some of you still remember me..... AHAHA tell a friend to tell a friend rrxnjun is BACK! this fic isn't the ideal vision i had in my mind but we are working on not being so hard on ourselves with our writing so! here we are. i still kind of like it :,)

When you walk up to your best friend’s apartment one day with a tub of ice cream under your arm and the biggest pout on your face, Park Jihoon makes a complete list of things you should do to get over your failed relationship with Mark Lee. And while you think your dear friend has some psychopathic tendencies sometimes, you’d say the list is actually pretty reasonable of him. 

There’s something about the five simple steps that makes you wonder if it’s really as easy as Jihoon makes it sound. And while you doubt it– because the pinging pain in your heart makes it seem like the heartbreak is truly going to kill you in a few minutes if you don’t do something about it– you give it a try, because come on… you’d do anything to not feel like this ever again.

Step one – cry it out.

“He was a cunt anyway,” Jihoon mutters as he steps into the living room with two spoons in his hands, throwing one of them to you– while almost managing to hit you in the middle of your forehead in the process, adding a concussion to the mix of problems you have going on right now– and you find yourself furrowing your brows at his hateful comment.

“Why’d you say that?”

“Well, as your best friend, I’m supposed to be on your side, no?” he says as he takes a seat on the sofa next to you, watching as you wrap one of the thick blankets you got for the male around your figure– you bought it mainly for yourself, because his apartment is cold as a freezer and you knew he wouldn’t buy one for you to use in the first place– and shrugs. “Besides, he broke your heart, and any male who does that is a cunt in my eyes.”

“I broke up with him,” you mourn, “so I broke my own heart,” you snicker, despair fully filling you up from the inside– fitting everywhere into your lungs and choking you up from how bad you truly feel. Now, this isn’t your first breakup– you’ve had your fair share of boyfriends in high school (in your baddie era, as Jihoon called it), but Choi Yeonjun from Maths class and Jung Woonyoung, the guy you dated for a total of 2 months over the summer break before he moved away, weren’t exactly boys you found yourself falling in love with. Sure, you liked them, you kissed them and went on dates with them– hell, you even hooked up with Yeonjun once before you realized the relationship truly wasn’t for you– but no one managed to cave into your heart just as much as Mark Lee, your first college boyfriend did.

“But you sure had a reason for it, come on!” Jihoon huffs, taking the tub of ice cream from your hands and opening it for you, since you’ve gotten quite weak from the lack of sleep and nutritions ever since the break up, hands clammy and not cooperating. “You don’t just break up with someone to break your own heart. He did that, that’s why you said goodbye to him,” he says before sitting the enormous tub of ice cream between your two bodies, nudging you to dig into the frozen delicacy.

“Yeah, but–”

“No buts, young lady. We are here to make you forget you ever even dated Mark Lee, so open up, eat the ice cream and focus your attention on Titanic so you can finally cry it out,” he says, and by the tone of his voice, you’d think he’s angry with you. Jihoon has this aura around him that makes you think he’s always at least a little annoyed at everything– but he told you to not mind it and that it’s just his sassy bitch attitude. 

He does have a point, though. You broke up with Mark because he broke your heart first– there was no other reason for it. If it was something minor, something small, you were sure you could work on it. You have, numerous of times before, brought up something and had a mature conversation about it– something you always so admired about Mark, being so cautious and understanding when navigating problems in the relationship– but when you bring up the same thing over and over, and it never gets fixed despite him telling you he’ll try harder next time, you think you’re allowed to feel a little heartbroken at his nonexistent efforts. And that’s exactly why you decided to quit the relationship– after a while, you felt like you were putting in more effort than he was, effectively making you feel like he’s not even that interested in dating you in the first place.

First, he just told you he was forgetful. He forgot he promised to pick you up from class one day– and you said that it’s okay, he is busy, after all– and it was the first time it happened, so you didn’t really mind that much, truly. Then, he forgot about the date you scheduled– but it was fine, because you didn’t have reservations anyway, you could change the day to any other day of the week, after all. He kept forgetting the stuff you told him in between the conversations you shared– and it was small things, you understand, but sometimes, you wondered if he was ever really listening to you at all. 

Forgetful soon turns not interested in your eyes, and when he doesn’t call you in the evening like he promised he would, when he doesn’t show up to the party you invited him to, because he forgot it was that day, you’re one step closer to calling it quits, because each and every one of these situations sends a sharp pain into your stomach. The last straw was just last week, though– and realistically, it was an important day, as much that you thought the day is somehow gonna fix everything, but the truth is somewhere completely else as Mark Lee forgets about your one year anniversary and never shows up at your doorstep for the dinner you prepared for the two of you like he promised he would. 

And it doesn’t click in him two days after either– you don’t even get a text. He got so forgetful over time that he forgot about you completely, and that’s when you took an uber to his place and broke up with him for good.

And even though the breakup was the most painful thing you’ve ever felt yourself go through, Jihoon is right– you’re not the one that broke your own heart. Mark Lee did that for you many times before, and this was just the breaking point.

“Fucking hell, you bought cookies and cream again?” Jihoon huffs when he takes another spoonful of the ice cream into his mouth, eyebrows furrowing at the sweet taste. Looking at him from the corner of your eye, you wipe your left cheek as you hum, immune to his nagging by now.

“You know I hate cookies and cream!”

“You know, Hoon, I bought this for myself. When you’re the one that’s heartbroken, we’ll share your favorite ice cream flavor instead,” you mumble, munching on the coldness on your tongue, sniffling a little when your eyes avert to the TV screen.

And after that, the teasing from your best friend’s side stops. Maybe it’s just because he hates to see you cry– and he rarely gets the chance, if you’re being honest, since you’re pretty good at handling your emotions– but you secretly know that it’s because when he looks back at the TV screen in front of the two of you, the sad part of the movie hasn’t even started yet and the tears are not the result of the movie, but of your own thoughts instead.

Step two – give him back all of his stuff and the stuff he’s given you that reminds you of him. Demand that he does the same.

Now, step two was a thing most couples do when they break up. Realistically, it makes sense– you wouldn’t want stuff that’s not yours just laying around, and also, it’s just bound to remind you of the person you lost. Naturally, you’d want to return it.

“Why does he have to return my things as well?” you mutter under your breath as Jihoon helps you fold all Mark’s hoodies into a cardboard box, alongside with wrapping the little things your ex boyfriend made out of ceramic for you in tissue paper like you asked him to– even though he complained and said that it shouldn’t matter to you if they break, because you are the heartbroken one– but you held those little things too close to your heart to let them get damaged in the first place.

“Because that’s how it works,” Jihoon hums, watching as you throw another one of Mark’s shirts onto the top of his head, shielding his vision. “What, you don’t want your stuff back?”

“I mean…” you mumble, deeply considering of the fact that the thought of getting your stuff back didn’t even cross your mind until now, before you realize your favorite pair of socks is thrown somewhere in Mark’s drawers– the blue ones with peaches on them– and you suddenly have the revelation that while you don’t necessarily need the stuff back, you’d love to wear those socks again. “I guess…” you note as you walk over to Jihoon and take a glance into the full cardboard box, looking over the stuff and chewing on the inside of your cheek.

“It’s like witchcraft, y’know,” Jihoon points out, looking at you with fierce eyes mirroring the stupid idea that just flashed through his brain, “if you don’t exchange the things, a piece of you is still kept at his apartment and you won’t be able to move on.”

And again, Park Jihoon does have psychopathic tendencies, but he may be onto something here. So you listen to him as you nod along and close the cardboard box, ready to drive over to Mark Lee’s apartment and drop off the things you’ve collected from him for the past year. The box includes all of the clothes messily scattered across your drawers and your closet, the picture frame of you two together that you always had on your night stand, the ceramic bowls and a little tiger sculpture he made for you when he took a pottery class with his friend Renjun, and the lost guitar pics you found under your bed and at the very top of your bookshelf from when he used to bring his guitar along and play you songs on rainy afternoons. The only things of Mark’s that you kept were the love letter he gave you for your birthday and the USB with his cover of Justin Bieber’s Off my face on it that he shyly gifted to you on one of your dates; but you would never tell Jihoon that in fear of him getting rid of those most precious memories for you.

It’s good to let go, but you don’t think you’re wrong for wanting to keep something to remind you of the good times. The times you still felt loved by Mark.

“Off we go,” you say, standing up and bringing the box towards your front door, your best friend at your feet. He promised to drive you to Mark’s place– you think he’s worried about you meeting your ex-boyfriend face to face for the first time since the break up, but he said it’s because you’re too broke to Uber all the time, efficiently throwing all the considerate thoughts you were accrediting him out the window– and after a few minutes of the drive, you find yourself standing on the doorstep of Mark Lee's apartment.

Taking a deep breath in and out, almost chickening out with the flood of thoughts and excuses you could say to Jihoon when you come back to his car with the box still in your hands– sayings like “he wasn’t home” or “he didn’t want those back”, the latter stupider than the first– you decide to face your problems head-on and finally knock on the mahogany door, waiting for Mark to answer. And he does– of course he does, because he’s always home, and as his ex-girlfriend of one year, you're painfully aware of the fact– but when that happens, you feel your heart falling all the way down to your stomach, crushing you and suddenly making it hard for you to breathe. 

“Um… hi,” he greets you, voice a little groggy, as if he hasn’t spoken in a while– and when you meet his eyes, the deep chocolate orbs you always found yourself admiring and writing silent odes to in your head, you quickly glance away in fear of staring into them for too long and making decisions you wouldn’t like to make.

“Hi,” you awkwardly greet back, clearing your throat and moving a little in your place, shifting the weight from one foot to the other. You're surprised you're able to keep up with the conversation, thoughts running in your brain faster than you can comprehend them, heartbeat ringing in your ears from the unexpected anxiety. Maybe Jihoon was right and you should've taken a shot before coming here– at least you'd have more courage and social skills clearly needed for this kind of interaction. “I… brought you back your things,” you say, finally looking up at the male and chewing on your lips, letting out an awkward, tense laugh when he stares at you with an empty look, “figured you’d want them back,” you add, watching as the male opens his mouth and closes it in what seems to be shock before he presses his lips tightly together and nods at you.

“Uh, yeah,” he says, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly as he watches you clumsily hold up the cardboard box to him, ready to leave his stuff there with him and escape as fast as you can, not really minding how you'll get back to Jihoon's car– if jumping down the window of the entrance hall is the fastest option, you're ready to get to it. The truth is, everything is starting to get a little too hard to bear– his familiar scent filling your nose, the hoodie he wore to your first date enveloping his figure, his messy hair reminding you of the many times you brushed your fingers through it in attempts to smooth it down. It’s only been two weeks since you last saw him, but it was starting to feel as if you forgot about him already and were now relearning all the things you once fell in love with again, looking at him in the same light, yet noticing him and all the small details a little bit differently. “Thanks, I… I actually, uh… I have your stuff here too, so if you want it back I’ll– I can just–”

“Y-yeah,” you nod, almost a little too eagerly, “that would be… cool,” you say, trying hard to ignore the fact that he had your stuff packed too, intending to give it to you, and the crashing reality that comes with it, telling you he was prepared to do this before you were and how it’s making you feel kind of shitty.

Mark moves further into the apartment, the sound of him dropping the box to the floor filling your ears before he’s back at the door in no time, a similar cardboard box in his hands that he offers to you with a tense smile on his face. “Wanted to bring it around so I had an excuse to see you, but you, uh… beat me to it, I guess…” 

Looking at him as you take the box out of his hands, gaze as if to tell him not to say such words to you when you’re still so fragile to his effect, you only nod and mutter out a simple “Thanks,” before you turn on your heel and intend to take the stairs back down.

“I’ll… see you around, then?” Mark calls after you as you take the first step out– something about it making you feel like it’s the first step out of his life, in a way– and you only nod, because one, you truly don’t know how else to reply to this question, and two, you really, really don’t know if you’ll ever see him again, but you can't bring yourself to say it to his face. Somehow, it would feel like torture to admit it– and you're not prepared for that reality just yet.

Rushing outside and getting into Jihoon's car, you almost feel like you’re on the verge of breaking, and when the male asks you how it went as he’s reversing out of the parking lot, you only bid him a one-word reply before you look through the box on your way home, too impatient to stay back from the memories.

And Jihoon didn’t really think this one through, because the fact that you gave Mark back the things that reminded you of him meant that he did the same, and now all the things you brought along to Mark’s apartment were in the cardboard box, all stained with countless memories and feelings attached to each and every single thing. The artwork you made for him, the little heart-shaped keychain you gave him for his birthday, the plant you gave him that was now long dead and dried out– those were once your stuff, but all in this world with the intention of love being sent out through them to your now ex-lover, and the fact that they’re in your possession again instead of his is not making letting go of Mark any easier. 

And maybe Mark was right and he truly was forgetful, because as you rummage through the contains of the box, while you find out your favorite blue socks are nowhere to be seen, surely still buried somewhere in the drawers of his closet, obliterated out of his memory, there’s a gray hoodie sitting at the bottom and it’s surely not yours– it’s his and it was always your favorite, and you always used to wear it at his place when you got cold or when you just really wanted to smell his cologne, and you suddenly don't know if it's presence in the box slipped his mind or if he truly left it there on purpose. 

Couldn’t he forget about that too?

Step three – block his number.

The third step comes into place after you accidentally slip out to Jihoon about the phone call you get on a Friday night– more like two hours into Saturday already– and now, most of all, you must admit that your best friend might be right about his advice.

Your phone starts ringing at 2:11 AM, and while you weren’t sleeping– you’ve been having some trouble with dozing off without being overbeared with thoughts lately– the name flashing on your screen shocks you for more reasons than one. 

Mark Lee calls you, three weeks after your breakup, in the middle of the night. You haven’t spoken since the time he gave you back your stuff, and even though you’ve done quite a bit of stalking on his social media, you have no news of him or his whereabouts. Naturally, a call from him in the middle of the night startles you and shakes you to the core. He has no reason to call you, so your brain does the math and concludes there must be an emergency– and god knows that even after being hurt by him, you could never ignore him and leave him hanging in a state of need.

So you pick up– with shaky hands and a raging heartbeat, expecting the worst. Listening to the other side of the line, you take a deep breath in and out, bracing yourself for the impact of the words you’re going to hear. The voice on the other side is laced with haziness and his tone is almost a little tired– worn out, even– when he finally greets you from wherever he is.

“Hi,” Mark says, and for a second, your heartbeat steadies itself and the world stops spinning– he sounds okay, and for a moment, you’re grateful to hear his voice.

Humming, as if to collect your thoughts, you clear your throat before you offer him an answer. “Hello,” you greet, “what’s- what’s up?”

“Just wanted to hear your voice,” he says, almost a little abruptly to your question. He doesn't overthink his answer and he doesn't give himself time to think if it's a good idea or not– he just blurts it out and now it's your problem to deal with, when it's there, out in the open. Your palms get sweaty and you start to lose feeling in your fingertips, making you take a few seconds to yourself to process the situation before you decide to finally answer to the strange sentence. 

“It’s late, Mark,” you mumble, and you involuntarily wonder if the sentence doesn’t have double meaning– it's too late for anyone to call at this hour, and at the same time, it’s been weeks since your ex boyfriend lost the privilege of listening to your voice when he can’t sleep in the middle of the night whenever he feels like it– and it’s now too late to do anything about it or make it any easier to deal with.

“Shit, sorry,” he chuckles to himself, and you suddenly recognise the laziness in his voice to be the effect of his and his best friend Hyuck’s Friday endeavors; the sweet coating of his voice being the effect of none other than the momentary bliss that comes with the relaxation of his body and mind when he's high. “Didn’t realize,” he concludes, making you shake your head at him in disbelief– not really mattering that he can’t see you in the act.

“‘s okay,” you mumble– and in your perfect reality, you hang up the phone now. In your perfect reality, you connect it to your charger and close your eyes, calling it a night. You fall asleep with no thoughts rummaging through your brain and wake up in the morning to a new sunny day, ready to take on the responsibilities of what’s to come, having productive days ended with smiles and a hot dinner you make for yourself just because you feel like it. In your perfect reality, you protect your own heart. This is not your perfect reality, though– and that’s why you stay on the line, listening to Mark ramble on the other side of the phone, intoxicated and slightly out of it. You wonder if he’ll remember calling you when he wakes up tomorrow. You wonder if he’ll regret it, or if he’ll just shrug his shoulders at the fact and go on with his day, not really paying you much thought when he’s sober.

“I was with Hyuck just now,” he says, and you hear the rustling of his sheets on the other side of the line, making you wonder if he’s washed up and ready for bed, “and– and I remembered how we all used to hang out together, y’know… you with us all– you always clicked with my friends and it was so cool and stuff… and I realized, right, they’re not as funny when you’re not around… but anyways… Jeno’s girlfriend asked about you, ‘cause she didn’t know…and telling her felt so silly, ‘cause they all kept looking at me and I knew they were pitying me, but it was my fault in the first place–”

“Mark–” 

“No, it’s true. And it’s cool, I don’t– I don’t blame you, or anything. I just… I dunno, I guess it got me wondering…”

The line goes silent on the other side, and you settle into your own bed, giving him time to continue. When he doesn’t say anything for a long time, you wonder if he’s fallen asleep.

“Mark?”

“Hm?”

“You still there?”

“Yeah. How was your day?” he asks, tone of voice casual as ever, as if he’s forgotten about all the words he’s told you up until now–  as if it’s not 2 AM and both of your hearts aren’t breaking at the sound of each other’s voice on the other side of the line.

“It… it was okay, I guess,” you say nonetheless, too hopeless to find a way to end the conversation before he does. 

“That’s good to hear,” he says, sighing, “that’s… awesome. You still taking those yoga classes on Mondays?” he asks, and you snicker to yourself– because what kind of question even is that? Who asks that on a late night call, when there are more important things you two need to talk about?

“Yeah,” you lie, still. You haven’t been since the breakup.

“That’s great. Wouldn’t want you to… y’know,” he laughs to himself, “be too sad over this… ‘t was for the better, after all.”

You hear yourself hum– the noise way more stable than your actual words ever could be– and you find yourself feeling silly in the conversation, lying to your ex boyfriend through your teeth; because at the end of the day, you don’t want him to worry about you– because it seems to be the case that he is. And it’s stupid, because he hurt you and you shouldn’t care, maybe you should’ve even show him that you’re heartbroken and that he is the reason behind your pain and the way your life is falling apart, bit by bit, but you don’t find it in you to be so cold and heartless. At the end of the day, you still care about Mark and there’s nothing you could do about it. Turns out that breaking up with him doesn’t magically make the feelings go away– and you knew that, but now you have proof.

“What were you saying before, by the way? You… trailed off at the end,” you say, reminding him of his previous words.

“Oh, that,” he snickers into the microphone again, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as he twists and turns in the sheets, “don’t worry about it. It was selfish of me.”

It was selfish of him to call in the first place. But you won’t tell him that.

“What was it?”

“It’s just… I was wondering if I lost you forever, y’know… if there was a chance we could ever…” he trails off again, but this time, you don’t bug him to complete it. You’re not stupid– you know the implication of his words. You’ve known him for a long time, after all– maybe you should’ve predicted this when you picked up the call.

“I mean…” you hum, “you didn’t lose me completely, if that’s– if that’s what’s keeping you up at night. We’re still friends, aren’t we?” you say, and in the corner of your brain, you can’t even believe the words yourself– but if it was selfish of him to call, you think it’s okay for you to selfishly fill both of you with empty promises, just for the sake of not breaking your heart even further.

“Yeah,” he mumbles, “that’s– …I’m glad.”

The line’s silent after that, and you wonder if you two have used up the list of words to say to each other this time, if there’s truly no other answer at the end of this conversation. When the situation gets too much for you to bear, the heaviness finally settling on your shoulders and your chest, you finally find the courage to sniffle out a quiet goodbye.

“Good night, Mark.”

“G’night,” he drags out, mind still cloudy. “Love you,” spills out from his tongue, like a bad habit.

He ends the call before you get to say it back. Maybe that’s for the better.

And the truth is, you should’ve really listened to Park Jihoon and blocked Mark’s number after this encounter. But you didn’t– you’re too weak for Mark’s sweet words, finding yourself still hanging on to his saccharine voice and the muffled ramble he has reserved for you only every time he gets high and loses all self-control before calling you on Friday nights selfishly demanding your attention, somehow falling for him like a teenager over and over again despite promising yourself you're gonna move on for real now.

Step four – date someone new.

“So…” Jihoon starts one day, eyes glued to your skull like laser beams, the tone of his voice so incomprehensible you think he’s going to scold you for the actions of your previous days– even though you haven't told him about the midnight calls with Mark and so if he's not going through your phone, he has no way of knowing. Tense and nervous, still, knowing that the impact of his words could either heal you or cut you open like a knife– damn him for always being so brutally honest, no matter how soft his heart is for you– you smile at him with tight lips, crossing your arms on your chest in defense.

“So…?” 

A nervous laugh almost escapes your throat. If Jihoon wasn’t suspicious of you before, he surely is now– or he just finds you strange by the way he furrows his brows at you and scans you up and down, taking a second for himself before he sighs and seemingly decides to drop the weird way you’re acting right now, shaking his head and focusing on the task at hand.

“I was thinking… my friend asked about you,” he says, nonchalantly looking down onto his hands and taking the dirt out from behind his nails, as if it’s not a big deal and he doesn’t even care that much. “Choi Hyunsuk from Biology, you know him– shabby haircut, kinda short, failed the class so he has to retake it this year…?”

“I think you’re forgetting the fact that the two of us have completely different majors, Hoonie,” you sweetly smile at him with irony, making him roll his eyes with a sigh before he tries again.

“The guy who ripped his pants at Xiao Dejun’s party last year?”

“Oh, that one! You should’ve said that earlier, of course I remember Choi Hyunsuk from your Biology class,” you nod hurriedly, the gears finally clicking in your brain.

“As if I wasn’t talking about him for the last few minutes–”

“Okay, and what about him?” you cut him off, already tired of his annoying tangent.

“I said he asked about you.”

“I heard that already,” you nod, looking at him with expecting eyes. “And?”

Jihoon stares at you, unblinking, as if you fell on your head and he’s trying to comprehend if you’re still here with him or if you got a concussion and need to be transferred into a hospital. When the contact of his eyes on your skin gets a bit too uncomfortable– you swear his looks could actually kill someone, if he tried enough– you furrow your brows at him in confusion and shake your head in disbelief.

“Why are you staring at me like that, Park Jihoon?”

“Just tryna see if you’re really that stupid or if you’re just pretending,” he mutters under his nose before he sighs again– his favorite activity whenever you’re around, it seems– and speaks up again, tone of voice reminding you of a kindergartener teacher trying to explain why it gets dark in the evening to a bunch of 4 year olds. “You know, when people ask about you, they are usually interested in you, as in, my friend Hyunsuk didn’t ask because you’re nice, but because you’re hot, if you know what I'm getting onto.”

“Oh,” you get out, eyes wide in concern and a little shaken-up, “well, that’s… nice of him, I guess.”

Jihoon only hums at you before he looks around himself and brings out the bag of chips that he left open by his right side only a few seconds ago, not really speaking more about the topic. It’s either he’s waiting for you to get what he’s hinting at, or he’s just waiting for you to get even more confused and ask him about it in a few seconds again– either way, he’s not the one doing more talking right now, because conversations with you, the most oblivious person he’s ever seen, are never productive if he goes too fast.

Chewing on the chips, his eyes go wide when you finally open your mouth and talk more about the topic at hand– just like he predicted. “Why are you telling me this?”

Your best friend swallows before he places the bag of chips back to its original place and turns his whole body so he’s facing you, speaking up again. “I was thinking that maybe, just maybe, you’d like to hang out with him. Like a date, before you ask– because I know you’re gonna ask– and why? – because, again, I know you’re gonna ask– because I simply think you should try to date again to get your mind off the loser you broke up with two months ago,” he says, blunt and honest, answering all of your unsaid questions at once, and before you know it, he has you snickering and shaking your head in disapproval.

“Absolutely not,” you retort, waving your hands in the air to only further show your disagreement with the proposition, “that would just be a massive catastrophe.”

“Why? Hyunsuk’s nice.”

“I didn’t say he isn’t, it’s just…”

“Just?” he probes you, eyebrows raised and questioning.

“I… don’t know,” you nervously chew on the inside of your cheek, aimlessly shrugging. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea, Jihoon.”

“Because of Mark?” he asks, and the moment his name escapes your best friend’s mouth, the whole room goes strangely quiet– you feel your heartbeat in your throat, the tips of your fingers start tingling and you swear that if you concentrate hard enough, you could feel a bead of sweat drip down your forehead with the incoming stress and nerves only the mention of your ex boyfriend brings you.

“No, that’s not it–”

“Sure,” he nods, sighing to himself– and there it is again, the judging look you so despise.

“You can’t just expect me to date other people a few weeks after my break up, Jihoon,” you exclaim, “that– that wouldn’t even be fair to your friend. You know I wouldn’t be invested,” you explain, and your friend rolls his eyes in frustration, sighing to himself.

“Oh but I know that! And Hyunsuk does too,” he shakes his head at you, “just thought the company of someone else could take your mind off things.”

“I have you,” you try.

“Yeah, but all we do when we’re together is mope about Mark Lee,” Jihoon snickers, “and don’t get me wrong, I’m more than open to bitch about your ex boyfriend and as your best friend, I don’t mind, but the fact that you’d be hanging out with someone else could take your mind off him, because you wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about him with someone else, y’know?”

You shut your eyes closed, a heavy sigh heaving out of your body as you try hard to concentrate and not lose it, and with how Jihoon’s tone gets softer and he’s not as loud with his brutal, yet logical advice, he must feel you getting overwhelmed and accommodates to your needs. “Look, it’s gonna be fun. I promise. Hang out with someone new, feel wanted and hot and pretty again, get some male attention that’s not your ex boyfriend, and you’ll see how it makes you feel. If you hate it, you hate it and you can slap me, I don’t know... If you don’t, you can keep dating around with my friends, and I swear I’ll hook you up only with the nice ones,” he takes your hand into his and waves it around in comfort, making you open your eyes and look at him again.

Seeing the softness and encouragement in your best friend’s eyes, you sigh to yourself. All this time, he’s tried to help you– what if you finally follow his advice? Who knows, it might even help. 

Sighing, you squeeze his palm and hover over him to get the stranded bag of chips he’s guarding on the other side of the sofa. “Fine,” you mutter, “but let your friend know that he’s the one paying, okay?”

“Perfect. I'll text him your number, then.“

And maybe Jihoon was right and after dolling yourself up and dressing up in your favorite dress just so you would feel as comfortable as possible, you don’t feel as bad when his friend Hyunsuk picks you up in his white Volvo and chats with you on the way to the restaurant. He makes good small talk and even gets a giggle out of you, the music in his car is low and you find yourself slowly easing into the situation. You don’t remember when the last time you went out with a guy that wasn’t Mark was, but it’s surprisingly nice. 

And Jihoon was right– you feel pretty. And when Hyunsuk opens the door for you after pulling up to the parking lot of the restaurant, you even feel wanted. You like the attention, just like any other girl would, and the smile you offer to your date seeps of tender shyness as you get out of the comfortable seat of his car. 

The illusion, though, is soon broken as you notice the restaurant he pulled up to. Your smile freezes, your palms get sweaty and you feel your heartbeat rummaging against your ribcage as soon as the idle atmosphere of the restaurant opens up before you. And realistically, you could turn on your heel and get back to the car, tell Hyunsuk that you want to go to another restaurant– but you don’t do it, against your biggest wishes, because you worry that the boy already made a reservation and you don’t want to ruin an evening that’s going well so far.

“Everything alright?” your date checks up on you, seemingly noticing the frown on your face, and when his worried eyes meet yours, it’s sealed– you’d feel too bad for pulling out of the date now. So you only do what you always do best– you put on your best relaxed smile and nod, catching up to him and ensuring him that you’re all okay and you didn’t just talk yourself out of an anxiety attack. 

Because you owe it to him and to Jihoon– both of them worked so hard to make you feel happy and help you to get over your ex boyfriend. It’s not Hyunsuk’s fault that he just managed to pick the restaurant your said ex boyfriend works at part-time. He had no way of knowing, and if you’re lucky enough, Mark wouldn’t be on today. He only works here part-time, it’s not like he’s here every day, and as far as you’re concerned, he only worked like two or three days a week when you dated. It would be a weird coincidence for him to be working the day you go there with your new date– you hope you’re not that unlucky.

Hyunsuk is a gentleman. Opening up doors for you, pulling out the chair for you, letting you talk and not interrupting you. He watches you with fond eyes and you almost try to feel bad for the fact that even if this ended well, the poor boy would just end up being a rebound. He deserves so much more, and you start to worry if this date was a good idea after all. Wasn’t it selfish of you to agree to this? 

“What do you want to get?” he asks as you open up the menu, and you squint at the prices, mentally taking a note to order the cheapest thing just in case he wants to pay for you at the end of the evening. 

“Spaghetti Bolognese,” you blurt out, despite it not being your favorite meal. Hyunsuk just stares at you with squinted eyes, but doesn’t disagree with you. After all, he has no way of knowing that you dislike the taste of the sauce in most restaurants– even though your conscience tells you that Mark knew that and always made sure to remind you about it before ordering for you, worried that you won’t get to eat much that evening– the only thing left to hope is that it tastes good in this particular place. 

“Okay, sure,” he nods and puts the menu down, smiling at you before engaging in a comfortable conversation with you. It feels like you’ve known Hyunsuk forever– his personality oddly reminding you of Jihoon’s caused mainly by the fact that the two have grown up together. Everything flows soundly, but you still find yourself anxiously picking at your cuticles as you cautiously look around the restaurant, fearing the fact that you could catch a glimpse of your ex boyfriend at any second.

And maybe you should be a psychic, because those bad feelings were not there for nothing– when you see a waiter walking out of the back and eyeing your table, ready to get your order, the boy is a few inches taller than your current date, raven hair messy, but still a little styled, dark circles under the man’s eyes, and there he is– your ex boyfriend. Mark Lee halts in his movements, wearing his work uniform, eyes wide, a hint of something that breaks you at least in two mirroring in his orbs before he turns on his heel and disappears in the back again. When he doesn’t come back and his co-worker joins you and Hyunsuk at your table with a warm smile, you stop waiting to see the glimpse of him you selfishly desired to catch despite fearing the interaction the whole evening.

You want to fall through the floor and disappear in the depths of this earth. For some reason, you feel mortified. What would he think? And why do you even care about his feelings? A million different thoughts run through your brain and you worry that you’re being too distant from your current date, but Hyunsuk’s warm eyes reassure you that he doesn’t mind. 

Piercing the food on your table with your eyes, you try to battle the noisy words running around your brain. 

It’s easy to say you’re over someone when you don’t see them. To have them in front of you, meet their gaze and acknowledge their existence and still be able to nod and say that you’ve moved on, is something completely different. 

Were you ever convinced that you were over Mark Lee in the first place, though?

After all of this– the months of following Jihoon’s advice, although making a few mishaps along the way as you continue to pick up Mark’s calls on Friday nights, snoop around his socials and let your mind wander to places it shouldn’t, overthinking everything and making you wish the relationship never ended in the first place– it’s time for the last step of it all. The last, most crucial part of this whole moving on process– the most important one, if you may.

Step five – avoid him at all costs.

Sounds easy, right? After the four previous steps, you’d already cried plenty about the lost months with your ex-boyfriend. You’d already given him back all of his stuff, not tying yourself to him with any material memory. You’d already gone on a date with someone new, choosing to distract yourself instead of letting yourself feel the emotions. After all the previous steps, this one’s supposed to be the easiest one. The one you’re supposed to want to do, after all. The break-up wasn’t messy, but it was still painful– it’s only natural for you to not want to see Mark ever again, right?

Wrong.

Because you never listen to the advice you’re given. That just wouldn’t be you, would it?

And so when Mark Lee calls you one day and tells you that he has a free train ticket to the Bukhansan stop, explaining that he was supposed to go hike there with Donghyuck who canceled on him last minute because of an assignment due midnight, you don’t really hesitate much before you shoot him a short text saying that you’re down and get ready for the short hike. 

When you meet your ex boyfriend at the station, his figure slightly slouched up until the moment his eyes meet yours, you feel the quiet tension in the air. You’ve seen each other a few times before this meeting– on a party you went to with Jihoon, at the campus when you went to class one morning, your ex boyfriend walking you towards the Art building, hell, you’ve even met in the grocery store, all accidental and making your heart leap in your chest with tension. This time, though, you’re here completely intentionally, just to hang out with him, and something about the fact makes a dull pain shoot all through your intestines, a sensation so uncomfortable you try to hide with a tight-lipped smile. 

“Ready for the hike?” he asks, adjusting the bag on his back, playing with the straps with clammy fingers. You can’t help but notice how he looks just like a little boy, in his little world, shielded from everything. He seems to have taken a protective stance, and you hate how the air between you shifted from how you two used to be when you were dating. Mark seems scared. Nervous. On top of his feet. Maybe you shouldn’t have agreed to this at all.

You’re already here, though. Turning around and leaving wouldn’t really work right now, as you take a step towards the train that’s just arrived, humming to your ex boyfriend in agreement. Taking a seat on the place Mark’s pointed to you on the train ticket, you try to loosen up your muscles and get as comfortable as you can, clearing your mind as you gaze outside of the window.

“How have you been?” he asks, clearing his throat.

Pressing your lips into a tight line, you turn to him as you search for an answer. “Better,” you nod, voice quiet. “You?”

Mark hums, chewing the inside of his cheek. “Good, good,” he lies through his teeth, “I’ve seen you at the restaurant the other day,” he hints, and you battle the sigh that’s begging to cut out of your throat. You don’t know where he’s going with the sentence. It’s not a question– only a proposition, barely even that– and you could ignore it with a nod of your head, you could pay it no mind as you see the bitterness in his gaze and the slightly self-conscious averting of his stare. You don’t know where he’s going with the conversation, but frankly, you don’t know where you are going with your answer either, as you shrug to him in a casual manner and peep under your breath.

“Yeah,” you say, “that was just… Jihoon’s friend from uni, I suppose,” you complete, and the sentence hints at nothing– it doesn’t clear out the confusion, it doesn’t outright say anything that could make Mark believe that it was just a casual hang-out with a friend, but still, you see the boy visibly relax as he nods to you and offers you a tight-lipped smile.

“Oh,” he hums, looking out of the window, past the profile of your face. The change in topic is sudden and sharp, but also welcome as he falls into a casual conversation with you, and suddenly, you’re reminded by the Mark you once knew– the guy you’ve once called not socially awkward, but so social that it’s awkward– as he talks to you about his day and rambles on about the weather. “It’s good that it won’t rain today, I bet the view will be nice.”

Locking your gaze with him for a brief second, you lick your lips and point your eyes towards the ground. It’s good that it won’t rain today, as opposed to last time you two went to the Bukhansan trail. You wonder if he remembers.

Before you have a chance to mention it– and in all reality, you won’t, no matter how bold you could be feeling at the moment– the train comes to a stop at your station and you hop out of the carriage, ready for the hike.

It’s easy to forget how messed up things have gotten between the two of you when you walk alongside with your ex boyfriend, laughing at his silly jokes and gasping at everything he shows to you with a pointed finger, finding yourself admiring the sound of his giggle when he spots a squirrel pass your path somewhere near the top of the hill. The trail is almost empty at this hour, since the two of you have decided to go in the late afternoon, and you find your soul to finally be at peace after so many weeks, you finally feel relaxed in the nature, one with the wind and the gentle sound of birds chirping lullying your running thoughts to a rest. 

You realize that this is just what you needed all this time. You needed to get out and walk for some while, to tune out yourself and to accept the fact that you’re still here, for another day, and something about that is still a blessing. Watching the back of Mark’s head as he walks a step in front of you due to the narrowness of the trail in this area, you smile to yourself. It’s easy to forget just how much you were hurt by him when he heals your soul with such a simple gesture. It’s easy to forget you were hurt when he seemingly tries to put all the broken pieces back together, glue them to where they were in the first place, when things were easier and you both didn’t have so many things to worry about. 

You reach the top just as the sun starts setting over the horizon, and there are only a few people scattered across the peak, sitting on their own picnic blankets and gazing into the distance. The hues of the sky paint the world in a different color, the oranges, pinks and muted purples playing with your heartstrings as you come to a halt and crouch down and feel the presence of another soul mirror your actions only a meter away to your right, his gaze glued to your side. The view is beautiful, but the feeling of being watched isn’t ignorable anymore, and so you turn to your companion and raise your eyebrows at him, wondering if he has something to say.

You don’t know how you’ll be able to come back to your life after this and pretend you still don’t want to spend every passing second with the man on your right. You don’t know how you’re supposed to ignore the ever so growing love for him– even though after being so disappointed with the past, the feelings should be decreasing, not doing the opposite– and frankly, you don’t even want to think of going back to the way it’s been for the past few months. And so you don’t– you allow yourself to indulge the moment, to ignore the pain that’s about to come, just so you could hold another beautiful memory to your heart and enjoy the moment before it hurts you to think of it tomorrow morning. 

“It’s even more beautiful than the last time,” Mark hums, but his eyes never leave your figure– if you were still dating, you bet he’d come out with a cheesy line about how you’re prettier than the view, or something. “It didn’t rain this time around, thank god.”

Gazing at him, you shake your head in disbelief. Scoffing, you play with the grass between your fingers. “You remember that?”

“Yeah,” he hums, “I remember a lot of things.”

The sentence makes you bitterly chuckle. He knows why you’re reacting the way you are– and you have every right to. He claims to remember a lot of things, but the ones important to you, the ones you wanted him to remember, he failed to save into his memory. And that’s eventually what made you break up with him, at the end of it all.

At your reaction, he sighs and drags a hand across his face, seemingly realizing the weight of his own words and just how ridiculous he must have sounded to you right now. 

“I- That-” he stutters, shaking his head, “that sounded stupid right now, considering… everything… Didn’t it?”

“Kind of,” you nod, not wanting to meet his eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” he blurts out, voice suddenly raw and serious, so different to the tone he’s been using with you the whole afternoon, “I don’t- I can’t remember if I said that back then, when you- when you… broke up with me, but I really am sorry, Y/N. You didn’t deserve that, and I am in no way shape or form trying to make this about me, but I hate myself every day for the way things turned out and if I could go back to that day, I’d do so many things differently.”

The sky in front of you deepens in reds and you taste iron on your tongue, suddenly hyper-aware of the fact that you’ve managed to bite on your lip too hard in the midst of the conversation. Tearing out stems of grass with your clammy fingertips, you focus on the clouds running through the sky, calculating your next response.

“Okay,” you nod, not giving him much else. The answer perfectly encapsulates the way you feel on the inside right now– you don’t know if you’re ready to accept his apology, if you’re ready to let go of it and act like you weren’t hurt or that none of it ever happened, but you listened to him and you internalized his words. He is sorry. He knows he was in the wrong. And you were aware that he knew all of this before– hell, you’d even go as far as say he knew it the moment you knocked on his door that day and told him it was over– but hearing it from him surely moved something inside of you to a more comfortable place.

“I-” he starts, voice breaking making him clear his throat before he continues, “I don’t expect you to forgive me. And I know I shouldn’t have expected you to still be my friend after all of this, and that- I shouldn’t have even called you so many times and approached you at the store and stuff, but um-” he mumbles, shrugging to himself, “I guess I just couldn’t stay away from you. And again, I don’t expect you to forgive me, I don’t expect you to do anything, really. So… yeah…”

Snickering at his aimless monologue, you shake your head in disbelief. “Mark?”

“Yeah?” he stares at you, eyes a bottomless pool of emotion.

“Why did you invite me here today? What was the… point, I guess?” you ask, hugging your knees to your chest as the breeze makes goosebumps appear all over your body. 

Mark offers you a sad smile, head leaned to his right as he shrugs, and this time, his eyes don’t leave yours as he spills the truth into the air. “I guess I was just feeling selfish today,” he hums, and the sentence makes you cringe with the memory of his first call to you after your break up, “wanted to spend time with you.”

“Here, of all places?”

“Yeah,” he nods, “told you. I was feeling selfish.”

Snickering, you look away, staring at the sky again. The colors are starting to blend together into a deep, dark purple– the horizon darkening as the sun starts to say its final goodbyes to the day. You sigh to yourself, yet feel no bitterness or terror at his words. Somehow, you understand. Somehow, you get him a little too well. Somehow, you think you knew the moment he texted you today, and somehow, you think you felt it in your bones when you didn’t say no, although you could have. There’s calmness in your soul when you nod at the implication of his words, leaning back on your elbows and plopping your bottom to the ground, sitting at the dusty surface. 

“You said you didn’t expect anything out of me today, Mark.”

“And I don’t,” he says, voice soft. 

“And you brought me here to remind me of the last time we went?” you stare at him, a hint of a bitten-back smile playing with your lips. “Because you’re selfish?” 

He nods, not escaping your gaze. “To remind you of the last time we went. To show you that… I remember, I guess. And that I still care, just like the last time. If not more.”

“Mark, you can’t just say all of this and expect nothing out of me right now,” you mutter.

“Actually, I can. Because that’s what I’m doing. I’m just… laying it out in the open, and what you do with the information is completely, completely up to you,” he explains, and you find yourself chuckling at him, the atmosphere instantly lighter as you hear his voice in its usual casualness, talking to you as if he was just unpacking what went on in class today, and not the starting and the end of your one year relationship.

And he’s right. What you do with the information is completely up to you, and the next steps and the progress of your relationship with Mark Lee is also completely in your hands. You could turn away and never talk to him again, you could curse at him and tell him that it’s too late now and he missed his chance, but if that was the case, you wouldn’t be here in the first place. He wouldn’t be inviting you to this place, lying about his roommate canceling just to trick you into going, and you wouldn’t be blindly accepting the invitation, wanting to see where the afternoon brings you. 

“So you still care about me?” you hum, looking at him from under your eyelashes, noticing his slouched-over pose as he looks back at you over his shoulder.

“Always have,” he admits, “never stopped. Despite not really… acting like it in the past few months.”

“Why’d you stop acting like it, then?” you ask.

A sigh escapes his lips, his head turning forward before he leans back and sits cross-legged on the ground, more comfortably now. Shrugging, he answers the question. “I guess I just got too caught up with different things. And don’t get me wrong, you were always my priority, always, but I was all over the place with everything and my mind just couldn’t… there were too many things to keep up with and I couldn’t stay up to date with everything,” he says, “and I know it’s not an excuse, but it’s an explanation, and it doesn’t make it better or undo the pain I’ve caused you, but it’s… at least you know it was never because I’d care about you any less.”

His eyes bear into yours with such honesty you think the weight of the world will crash on you any minute, and suddenly, the whole situation seems so much clearer.

And you wouldn’t take it back, you wouldn’t undo the breakup or do anything differently, because at the end of the day, you think it was needed. Perhaps the time apart was what he needed as a wake up call and what you needed to shield yourself from hurting more. 

“Stop me from saying it if you… if you don’t want to hear it right now,” he hums, voice barely louder than a whisper. There seems to be a silent communication between the two of you, a connection of some sort that brings out the strange telepathy, but you just nod at him, a gentle smile playing with your lips as you understand exactly what he means, telling him that it’s okay and that you don’t mind– you welcome, you need to hear him say it again.

Licking his lips, he turns to you fully, facing you. There’s not a hint of nervousness in his body, having done this a lot of times before, and then it happens– the repeated confession, confirming what was there the whole time, never leaving even when the times were rough. 

“I love you,” he says.

And isn’t that all that’s needed? 

A year is a long time with someone. Somehow, you wouldn’t want the time to go to waste. At the end of the day, if love is still present, isn’t it worth trying? One more time?

“And you still don’t expect anything from me?” you ask, gazing at him softly. “You don’t expect me to say it back?”

“No,” he breathes out, shrugging. “I just needed to get it off my chest.”

“Because you’re selfish like that,” you nod, teasing him. 

“Because I’m selfish like that,” he agrees, breaking out into a slight grin.

Looking at the sky, now completely dipped in dark purple, you sigh to yourself at the turmoil of the conversation. You don’t say it back– although you feel it, you know it’s in there, playing with your heartstrings and clenching the muscle in the palm of its hand– you know love is there, deep inside, for the man that’s currently staring at you as if you hung the very stars appearing on the sky there yourself, stolen them from your own eyes and gluing them there selflessly, for everyone to see. You don’t tell him you love him back, you don’t tell him you forgive him or accept his apology. You don’t worry about what tomorrow will bring you, what your brain is going to tell you when you come down from the hill and get home, lay in your bed and overthink. You let the worries escape you, letting fondness and calm envelope you in a tight hug instead.

“Okay,” you nod, watching the boy next to you look at you with curious eyes. You take his hand into yours and place it on your thigh, playing with his fingers for a heartbeat before you meet his eyes again and smile. “I won’t say it back, but for all it’s worth, Mark… I’m glad you remembered.”

And that’s all he needs– there is love, there is fondness, and there is the silent confirmation that all you need right now is just a bit more time. 

Where do broken hearts go?

Somehow, you think they hold on to the place where it all started. Somehow, you think your heart never went anywhere– it stayed on this hill, waiting for you to pay it a visit and pick back up everything right from where you left it.

“It doesn’t seem like a good idea to go here today, Y/N,” Mark laughed behind you as he looked up to the sky, the dark clouds shielding the sun that had been previously shining down on your hiking figures, casting an orange glow on the strands of your hair. 

“Well, there’s no turning back now,” you shrugged, turning to him and grinning as you tugged on his hand, grip strong as you dragged the boy up the trail, your sneakers fast against the dirty ground. “We have finals starting next week and it’s gonna be too cold to go after the exam season is over, so we gotta go now.”

“I kind of regret telling you that I’ve never been here before now,” Mark sighed, but followed you nonetheless, breathlessly following your excited stride. It was October, the leaves on the trees were welcoming the two of you in shining colors, and the wind kissing your skin turned a bit chilly in the evenings– courtesy of the warm hoodie Mark shyly lended you when you shivered for the first time, adoring the way you, his friend, looked in the light gray fabric. Something about you wearing his clothes made the boy a bit hopeless about the day. Maybe he’ll have enough courage to confess his feelings to you, he thought. Maybe, despite the first raindrops falling on the skin of his bare arms, this evening will have a happy ending for you and him. 

“Oh, please,” you squinted at him, continuing to run up the hill– thank god it wasn’t that steep, serving both of you as the perfect hiking difficulty, “even if you wouldn’t have, I’d drag you here anyway. It’s like, my favorite place to go in Seoul, haven’t I told you before?”

You have, Mark thought. But he was okay with hearing it again. 

You squealed when the raindrops got heavier and the rain started pouring faster on the two of you, and Mark found himself laughing at your running figure. He was right behind you, praying that you don’t slip on one of the rocks and break your leg on the hiking trail, but he encouraged you with sweet comments and a hand on the small of your back as he watched the tip of the hill appear right in front of his very eyes, your body coming to a satisfied halt when you reached your destination.

“Tada!” you grinned at him, twirling a little like a ballerina, showing him the place with outstretched arms. He tried hard to observe the place, but his eyes stayed glued to your excited figure, gaze bearing into yours as you looked at him, amidst a little flustered, with sparkly orbs and a bright smile on your face. Your hair was a mess, his gray hoodie enveloping your body was slowly growing darker in color from absorbing the rain, and your sneakers were getting a bit muddy from walking around the place. He wanted to remember this moment forever, he thought– this version of you, the smiley expression on your face, the carefree and excited nature of your step. 

“Isn’t it beautiful?” you exclaimed, jumping around and nearing the boy, but as you went to take his hand to drag him around the top of the hill once more, your feet slipped and you fell forward, a surprised squeak battling its way out of your throat.

Your whole life flashed in front of your very eyes in that moment, embarrassment spreading down your neck at the fact that you were about to fall face first onto the ground in front of your crush of a few months, before your body collided with a soft, yet firm mass engulfing you closer. A pair of strong arms steadied you against his chest, and when you looked up at your friend, you swear all words were taken out of your dictionary, the sight leaving you speechless.

“It is,” he gaped, eyes bearing into yours. Mark was agreeing with you, but something in the back of your head was telling you that he didn’t really admire this place as much as you did– his curious gaze was always plastered somewhere completely else. 

That place being your face, of course. And your eyes, your cheeks, the mess of your bangs, and occasionally– screw that, almost always– your lips. Much like in that moment, a few centimeters away from his face, so inviting he thought it would be a crime to contain the urge. 

And so he didn’t– he didn’t control his feelings and the ever-so growing yearning for you, as he silently leaned towards your face and captured his lips with yours in a firm, yet short kiss.

He looked at you with a nervous tint behind his gaze when he leaned away, the sight of your wide eyes staring at him making a slight flush grow on his cheeks. You looked so beautiful in that moment– flustered, surprised, with messy hair and lips still apart– and he was relieved to not find a hint of a displeased emotion in your expression. 

“Okay, so- well-” you stuttered, laughing to yourself, “this didn’t go as I planned, but I guess I’m happy as long as the final result is the same,” you hummed, standing on your tippy-toes and pressing your lips against him once more, this time letting yourself enjoy the moment fully, mouth moving against his in a careful, yet excited rhythm. He tasted like the strawberry candy you offered him on the bottom of the trail and smelled a bit like rain, the mixture always staying in the depths of your mind as his warmth enveloped you in comfort and a feeling of home.

“The final result being…?” he asked when you pulled apart once again, a dazed expression overtaking his sharp features.

“Us,” you shrugged, “like this,” you clarified.

Mark laughed at that, hugging you closer to his chest. You rested your head on his shoulder, listening to the sound of raindrops washing away the top layer of dirt off the rocks on the tip of the hill, hands sneaking around his waist and enjoying the way they wrapped around him so tightly and so comfortably. You in his hoodie, in your favorite place, standing in his arms. It was raining, but it didn’t matter.

“Mark?” 

“Hm?” 

“If we ever get lost, or something happens… bring me back here, okay?” you mumbled close to his ear, lips gently glazing the skin of his ear, making goosebumps appear all over your new lover. “I’m convinced that this place could fix everything.”

“Even us?” 

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re not allowed to ever leave me now, what would there be to fix between us?” you smacked his shoulder, snickering to yourself.

“You never know,” he laughed, “what if I accidentally mess up somewhere along the way?” he asked, threading his fingers through your hair, smoothing down the wet mess.

“Okay then,” you hummed, “even us.”

Staring into your eyes, letting the moment play out by itself, Mark swore he’s never felt more at peace. He wondered if it was the effect of the place, the rain, or just your sheer presence.  “I’ll remember that,” he giggled before he let go of your body, petting your head as he took a hold of your hand, tugging you down from where you came from, “now let’s go home before we catch a cold.”

Nodding, following the man as you both carefully, yet fastly made it down the trail, you enjoyed the way his hand fit into yours and the way you knew that after this, you can’t ever come back to being friends with Mark Lee. He was all yours, completely, utterly yours, and you knew in the back of your head, that you were his– and nothing will ever change that.

You would always come back to the hill with him. It felt ridiculous to think about you two ever having to fix anything between the two of you back then, but even in that moment, you knew that for him, you’d keep trying. As long as he does– as long as he remembers.

Where do broken hearts go? You guess they always come right back to the place they come from– and they leave glued back together every single time.

You guess your heart never really left the hill.

[jellybeanium124]

don't think too hard about fang. don't think too had about fang. don't think too hard about this intelligent, sweet, wise man on a boat for 20 years watching his boss get yanked around by the middle manager. and also getting yanked around by the middle manager himself. don't think about fang watching his boss, a once energetic and enthusiastic man, slowly becoming more and more a shell of himself because of said middle manager. who he refuses to fire. for some reason. maybe fang has some theories, but he doesn't know for sure. he doesn't see the boss as much anymore. any interaction with him is mediated by the middle manger, who's just gotten crueler as the years go by too. he keeps his head down and does what he's told. he's been doing this for a very, very long time, and knows what he has to do to live. and he enjoys the work, more or less, don't get me wrong. but, you know... maybe not as much as he could. and then they invade some crazy guy's boat, and then the boss is happier than fang's seen him in literal years. and this boat is cool! the people are nice! he doesn't have to be aggro all the time.

and then the middle manager blows a fuse and gets the british navy. and fang resigns himself back to business as usual. because that's how he's gonna survive. but then the boss comes back!! without the lunatic man. and for a second everything might be okay, but then something goes wrong, and again, fang doesn't know what, and then things are worse than they ever were before in the 20 years he'd been working for this man. and he keeps his head down and does what he's told because that's how he's gonna survive. and then his buddy dies. and his boss, who fang knows by this point can be very sensitive, doesn't cry a single tear. fang breaks down a little after a while. they can't keep going like this.

but it's okay!! the lunatic comes back and so does everyone else. and things are good, the middle manager mellows out, he and the boss have a talk and sort things out. life is good. he has a goat!

and then the middle manager dies. and that's weird, you know? and the boss decides he's done, so he hangs back on land while everyone else sails off into the sunset. and fang's happy, but it's irrevocably different. two men he spent at least a decade with are dead. one man, who he sometimes felt like an older brother to despite the other man being the boss, is now on land, and no longer part of his day-to-day life. he's the most experienced guy on this boat. well, it's possible a few others, like zheng, have been doing this for over 20 years, but chances are he's been in this world the longest. and a chapter just ended and a new one's beginning. and he'll keep doing his thing, following captain's orders. maybe give a gentle suggestion from time to time.

he was in this world before ivan, before izzy, before ed. and now they're retired or dead and he's still here. why is he still here? why did he outlive them? why did ivan and izzy have to die? why did... well, he understands why ed retired. but still.

now he has inside jokes and no one to share them with. memories and no one around to share in the bizarre nostalgia. but on this boat, this silly boat that breaks all the rules, he can make new memories and create a million more inside jokes, and be around people who really truly like him. love him, even.

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

they managed to massacre Aang's character and all the struggle and importance of his choice in the finale in a SINGLE page, and yet there are people who think the comics are good

and of course Katara's would have nothing to say on the matter, toootally in-character

Not to mention: yes, Zuko is right that a lifetime of indoctrination won't magically stop affecting him just because he's aware of it now, but the way the comics really said "If you're not perfect, you deserve to die. Not rehabilitation, not even incarceration despite it being an option, just straight to violent, lethal punishment" is horrying.

And lets not forget the blatant abuse apologism of having Zuko, the kid who was told by his abusive parent that his disfigurement and banishment was "for his own good" after he made one "mistake", turning to his closest friends and asking them to be his "safety net" by MURDERING HIM IF EVER STEPS OUT OF LINE - and said friends then agree to it.

Are you fucking kidding me? The real Aang would have double-down on the "You're NOT your father" bit, and the entire friend group would have been super concerned about Zuko because a victim of abuse saying they're as bad as their abuser thus deserve to die is one hell of a red flag as to how their mental health is going.

Speaking of mental health: I talk a lot about how Azula was constantly being abused by the supposed heroes in the comics, and how the justification of it is rooted in ableism, but this nonsense with Zuko asking to be put down like a dog is also peak victim blaming, and one of the few moments in which one can actually feel bad for comics!Zuko.

And it ties into a disturbing pattern I noticed among Avatar fans - and mainly Zuko fans. They don't truly understand that what Ozai put his children through was wrong, they simply think he chose the wrong kid as the escapegoat. They think Azula should have been the one that is constantly punished just for existing, while Zuko is the golden child that can do no wrong - or else.

This moment right here? With the people that he trusts agreeing to inflict violence on him if he ever makes a mistake? This is that "or else". This is literally the same mentality that led to Azula's breakdown because NO ONE CAN SURVIVE UNDER THAT MUCH PRESSURE.

And that leads us to the main reason why the comcis suck: Yang was using Zuko as a self-insert.

"Zuko‘s relationship with Ozai is something we – Mike, Brian, Dark Horse, Nickelodeon, and I – talked about extensively when we first started working together. There’s this strange thing that happens to people in power. The pressures of power often blur the lines between enemies. That’s part of what happens to Zuko here. Ozai is the only one who knows what it’s like to be Fire Lord, the only one who has the wisdom of experience. I also looked at my own life. I used to clash with my dad quite a bit when I was a teenager. However, as I grew up and found myself in roles that he used to have, I began to understand more and more of his decisions. My father isn't thoroughly evil, of course, but I imagine Zuko feels a little of the same pull."

Yang. My guy. My dude. The words "Ozai" and "wisdom" should NEVER be in the same sentence. Every single action of Ozai's as Fire Lord was based on him being an abusive piece of shit that finally got access to absolute power. He is not a stern dad, he is abusive. He's not misunderstood, he needed to be stopped and locked away. He is a human being with feelings and motivations, yes, but he is WRONG ABOUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING EVER. He NEVER had a point. Zuko has nothing to learn from him except what NOT to do. That's why he looks like an older, unscarred Zuko. A version of Zuko that never changed.

This is the core issue of the comics, and why it had so many moments of unintentional abuse apologism: they say Ozai is a villain, but they're going out of their way to constantly make the characters come dangerously close to saying "Maybe he had a point." That's why they have Zuko turn to Ozai for advice despite claiming he wants to avoid becoming like him - because the guy writting them couldn't understand that the bad guy was, in fact, bad and in the wrong and has no wisdom to offer to anyone.

Avatar, the series, is about the world moving past from the sick mentality people like Ozai had, and about his son realizing that he did not deserve to be abused. The Avatar Comics are about telling Zuko (and others) "Ozai isn't wrong actually, you'll understand when you're older."

No, Yang, they won't. Because there's nothing to "understand" here other than THE GUY THAT ABUSED HIS CHILDREN AND COMMITED GENOCIDE WAS WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING, YOU DUMBASS!

Saying "the villain had a point" does not make a story better unless it is true - and in Ozai's case, it simply isn't. Insisting otherwise doesn't make the story and characters more mature, it just means you couldn't understand a cartoon aimed at 7-year-olds despite being a grown-ass man.

And I won't even get into Bryke approving of this bullshit otherwise I'll start tearing my hair out in rage at how badly they seem to have lost touch with the message of their best work, so let me just use a simple statemet to make everyone understand just how much of a disaster this is:

Even M. Night Shyamalan didn't misunderstand ATLA to the point of thinking Ozai wasn't actually wrong, but Bryan, Mike and Yang did. The comics understand the show less than M. Night Shyamalan did.

I rest my fucking case.

[theotherseapancakes]

Psssst. You mentioned no one cares about Philemon, but now I'm curious if you have any thoughts about his role in the games after he disappeared. And for sillies sake, does he have anything to do with the Dance games?

I have been waiting my entire life for this. Anon do you realize how verbose I'm going to get. DO YOU REALIZE? I hope you like read mores. Let me preface this with I am aware and have seen some popular theories, so I'm going to sidestep a lot of them and present one I've built since... well, I became a Persona fan as a teenager. MAJOR PERSONA SERIES SPOILERS LIKE THE ENTIRE THING OK? OK. yes even royal.

The P2 PSP additional scenario is so incredibly important and I think everyone missed the point of it. THE PERSONA 2 PSP ADDITIONAL TATSUYA SCENARIO!!!! It's beyond important, because it reveals to us Philemon can have more than one Avatar we know about, just like Nyarly. (Casual reminder he's like half the shopkeeps in P2. Time Count, anyone? Why was the Time Count so hot. Anyway.) Disclaimer: I'm just a casual fan who has played a LOT of Persona and SMT. I haven't gotten around to all of them, but I've played/finished both paths of 1, 2, 3 (and p3p) as well as 4 and 5. Didn't manage to get my hands on Golden but I've seen enough of it. (It's funny you ask about the dance games, they're the only ones I don't have right now! But my roommate does, and will be gone for a few months soon, perhaps I will take the time to start with p4DAN. I'm atrocious at rhythm games though so more than likely I'll find a video. Anyway.) WHAT is Philemon? If we can't define that, we can't talk about The Positivity Guy Ever.

So let's talk about Phil. He's a fascinating character. His Persona is just a form of Himself, But Cooler. And he seems to HAVE no set shape, not unlike Nyarlathotep. People have various theories about Shadows and their origins etc., but Phil is more like that vote of confidence in people. I think, personally, that after the end of Innocent Sin, Phil's been pretty weak. We see in Eternal Punishment he's fading pretty roughly, and has a hard time talking to the party. Presumably ending Nyarly might to some degree fix things when Deja-vu Boy goes home, but... the problem is, we don't know how fixed they truly ended up being, or the full depth of how much he could/did expend!

In fact, the first time we even see Phil without the dumb mask is when Tatsuya decks him. Pay close attention to that fact. To the mask motifs here. I want you to really soak in Phil's everything. He's a leader. A kind soul. He's the good of people. He wants to believe the best.

Anyway, most of these things overlook what I find really interesting as we've gotten more games worth of lore: he and Nyarly aren't the only eldritch entities walking around like that. Yes, Nyx is one too. Yes, it's probable she may even be their 'mom'. It's possible they all came from Nyx initially, but it's also possible (and should be considered) they too may have been outsiders at one point. We need to ask ourselves how far the human collective unsconsciousness can go. Is that sea infinite? Could it affect other worlds? Think about Aion in Devil Summoner Soul Hackers 2. Yes, I am asking you to think about Soul Hackers 2. Deal with it, I don't care. They're sister series. They share many things. SO! Did the shape of the human mind change a bunch of eldritch creatures and make them interact with us even more after Nyx smacked the moon a gazillion years ago? Is there multiple worlds? Weird bullshit? Just the two? Hmm. Well... I, personally, think so. I think he was touched by humanity just like Nyarlathotep, but in the other way. The reason I bring this up is two-fold. The first is Nodens. Now, we don't know much about the actual Nodens, unfortunately, just some speculation. Which is a shame. (If anyone has more info I'd love to have it, ngl. As a pagan this shit fascinates me.) But what we do get on him in Lovecraftian lore can provide us some intriguing possibilities about Phil's everything, which the games love to keep really rather vague. (And this is putting aside that his human Persona is based off the obviously bogus Jungian Spirit Guide, but we love an old guy in a mask anyway. He probably felt that was more 'friendly' for humans, hah.) I believe that Nodens, and Phil by extension, are just as responsible for nurturing and keeping the collective unconsciousness alive and positive. We see the butterfly symbol everywhere. We see it with Lavenza, too. "This is truly an unjust game." So was the bet Phil made with Nyarly, a game he rigged. Phil made the mistake of thinking the Crawling Chaos wouldn't cheat, a mistake he is never making again, I assume, if he can help it. Shit, you could view his boss fight in P2EP as him trying to train the EP crew to beat the snot out of Nyarly, even. But off topic. If Nyarly is basically the father of all Shadows, and they and Personas are the same coin, it makes me wonder a lot of things. The two have always been portrayed as simultaneously diametrically opposed, but also not? They have identical halls in P2. They have similar powers and talents... I think after Persona 3, Phil's remnants sank into the Collective Unconsciousness, to attempt to rehabilitate humanity from what it lost, from what he himself lost. I think Igor took over the room, because he took a backseat to recover. It would go a long, long way towards explaining why only SOME characters have the tier of the Wild Card, which is similar to the 'original' Persona power. (Having multiple.) He was took weak to remain in his Spirit Guide (Philemon) form, and had to abandon it to return to the depths as Nodens... So. Let me go back to Nodens and make some notes about design.

Nodens, as seen here, sort of resembles an iron maiden. It really brings to mind the idea of maybe Tatsuya or someone's humanoid form sleeping within it, doesn't it? Fitting for an aspect of Philemon! ... You probably can see where I'm going with this, but let me pull up some screens to finish the point:

That's right! It's Azathoth, Baby! I believe that unlike mythology, he's yet another aspect of Philemon. Eldritch positivity, in too much force, could be used for accidental bad, too. (Reasons Maruki is my favorite Law Hero, haha.) Let me explain. I think Philemon always existed in... let's call it parts. Azathoth is said to be a dreaming god in whom's universe we all just happen to be alive inside, right? "Dream of butterfly" (Philemon) "Or is life a dream? Don't wanna wake up. Cuz I'm happy here." That sure is thematic to what Maki goes through in Persona 1, and what Maruki's beloved suffers, isn't it? ISN'T IT. The "true reality" he creates... would help Maruki create in the additional Semester--would be something most humans would never pass the muster to even try to control. But we have seen Phil test a few people and find them worth passing before! However, that seems like ages ago. Why has he been so quiet? I think because he was spending time conserving his energy. He believed in humanity enough to give Makoto a push when it was needed in p3 (or femc, if you play her), but otherwise trusted Igor while he restored what needed it. But in Persona 5 Royal, he hand-picked Maruki, didn't he? At first, when I played Persona 5 Royal, I really thought it was some part of Nyarly, but I no longer believe this to be the case. The coloration and symbolism in the background (the golds, the whole garden of eden themes, the way his Palace was laid out), the whole sea of soul motifs in P3Re later... mmm. I have a lot of thoughts about this, but this post is already way too long for one simple ask. So let's wrap up by going one step further and looking finally at Nodens' dialogue to the party in the Extra Scenario in Persona 2: Eternal Punishment (PSP). The following is a transcript, you can find a video here:

Nodens: This is the memory of the lost child whom you all seek. Nodens: Memory occasionally brings about much distress and suffering, but it is absolutely vital to distinguish oneself from others and manufacture one's own psyche. Nodens: Ever since it began, life's memory has accumulated unbroken, passing through individual experiences and spanning several generations. Nodens: And so it has given shape to Kadath and the Collective Unconsciousness, thereby becoming a foundation for the next generation. Nodens: Even if the roots of the world are directed by fear and anxiety, never forget that the true essence of life is brimming with joy. Nodens: You must not stop seeking the answer for why life was born in a cosmos progressing towards absurdity and chaos. Nodens: Life brims with joy, bringing about balance in a universe predestined to heat death, and that allows the world to live a long time.

So to answer your question, I think he's taken a much subtler role. I think he's influencing people by pretending to be a Persona for Maruki, because he believes it will help them grow. I don't think he was intending a forever-control vice grip, but rather to prove a point. No matter what, the primordial chaos of humanity will rise up for chaotic good, lawful good, whatever "good" is needed. Azathoth is... interesting. Adam Kadmon is also interesting. But mostly I HIGHLY suspect we may see him again in Persona 6, or at least I'm hoping so. It's my personal pet theory by then he'll be less faded and come back to us in a new form of some kind. He's never had a set one, after all. Now for funsies about the dancing game, well, he's a positive guy, he wanted to just make sure everyone had their fitness regimen checked off. Obviously. (This is a joke.) Did the devs intend this? I'm honestly not sure? Like there's a lot of nods to older Personas in 5 and now 3RE especially, but it's definitely worth chewing on. I could go on and on about things I think he's connected to, but ultimately they have the final say lol. I'm just a crackpot conspiracy theorist on tumblr who really likes Philemon. He and the Room are my favorites. :) Ask me about attendants for additional dumb, sometime, I guess lol.

[bennysmiller]

Sweet Nothing - Frankie Morales x Reader

You and the boys have a night in at Benny's place, and amongst the chaos during a movie night, you and Frankie manage to find some quiet.

"Beer?"

You look up from your place on the sofa to see Benny holding out a full bottle of beer.

Normally you'd accept, but alcohol made you sleepy and you had to keep your eyes open for the game of charades Santi had proposed to everyone five minutes earlier. You shook your head at Benny but offered a slight smile in return.

"You don't have to stay awake, doll. Always welcome to crash in my bed while we're all out here"

Benny knew. He always knew. But once again, you shook your head at his suggestion and promised him you were fine. But you weren't fine. You wanted nothing more to fall asleep in Benny's bed to the sound of your boys laughing in the front room. But you also wanted to be present. After their latest mission, you knew how important it was to spend as much time as possible together.

"Well, you know where it is if you need it." Said Benny, before moving on and offering the beer to his brother.

Ten minutes later, the game of charades had been abandoned and Santi decided to put a film on instead. You couldn't actually hear what was being said, because Benny and Santi were too busy arguing over what they thought was going to happen. Then Will joined in and you wished you had taken up Benny's offer to sleep instead.

You managed to get yourself up off of the sofa, and over to the kitchen for a glass of water. As you take sips, you can't help but stare at an equally tired Frankie. The way his curls poke out from under his cap, and the way his hand is resting underneath his shirt, just on his stomach. You began to wonder what it would feel like to put your hand there instead. Do it for him.

You mentally kicked yourself for thinking about Frankie like that. He'd been nothing but sweet and respectful to you since you had met. But every now and then, no matter how hard you tried to push them down, those thoughts would creep up.

"They're real fuckin stupid sometimes."

You looked up to see Frankie stood across from you with his hands on his hips. When did he get here? you thought to yourself. You were so deep in your thoughts that you didn't see him get up.

You straightened up and put the glass down on the counter before agreeing with the man in front of you.

"I love them to bits but you're absolutely right." you said, earning a sigh from Frankie.

"I'm an old man now, just want peaceful nights in where I don't have to listen to a running commentary on whatever film we're trying to watch." He said, before taking his cap off and running a hand through his hair.

I could give you those kind of nights.

Before you realised what you had just said in your head, you jumped at the sound of a bottle smashing in the front room. Frankie rolled his eyes and chucked his cap on the table next to him.

"Too damn loud." He said, and ran a hand over his patchy beard. "Hey, you ever get those Taylor Swift tickets you wanted?"

You were about to turn around, but paused when he brought Taylor Swift up. It was something you had mentioned to him ages ago. You were both sat in a diner after a similar night with the guys, and needed to escape. So you sat and talked. All night. About anything and everything. You mentioned wanting to get tickets but didn't spend too long on the topic, so you went red when you realised Frankie truly was listening to you ramble on about them.

"Yeah, I did." You spoke quietly, but inside you were screaming. For so many beautiful reasons.

"Can I confess something? The night you mentioned those tickets, I went home and played a few of her songs. She's good."

"Seriously? You like her?" You asked excitedly. You wanted to die at the dimple that made an appearance on Frankie's face when he smiled at your enthusiasm that had suddenly shown up.

"Yeah," He chuckled. "You mentioned you loved Sweet Nothing. That's my song right now. I really am too soft for all of it."

He looked proud as fuck for slipping that lyric into the conversation, and also for how he'd clearly been studying your favourite artist.

You thought of the lyric outside they're push and shoving, you're in the kitchen humming and realised that perfectly described your situation with Frankie. Pure chaos in the front room with Santi, Benny, and Will, but the kitchen? You and Frankie found five minutes of peace in the kitchen. It was your place. You made the rules that night.

[soobrat]

cool off; ldh

🖱️⤻ pairing; afab!reader x haechan 🖱️⤻ word count; 4.6k 🖱️⤻ genre; smut & fluff 🖱️⤻ synopsis; haechan lets you in on a practice room secret that leads to a new hang out buddy during practice 🖱️⤻ warnings; unprotected sex (this is getting ridiculous), oral play (hyuck receiving), piv, doggy style, dirty talk, pet name (angel), public sex(?), switch!ish, soft but fun

⌨️⤻ How’s this for a meet cute lol. This is not accurate because Haechan oozes confidence. Most of my works aren’t accurate tho bc I don’t know them so it’s alright.

"See you guys at the dorm." Johnny tacked on just before exiting the practice room. Mark and Haechan don't answer, just collapse to the floor. Their chests heave in unison as they lie under the vent. All the sweat that was bothersome ten minutes ago was now welcome as it chilled under the cool air. Being comfortable with each other, they felt no need to voice any of their thoughts or fill the air with conversation, Haechan and Mark just sat quietly and enjoyed their moment of rest. It was easy to forget where they were this way.

After what felt like hours of lying under the vent, they jump as they hear the door click open. Expecting a member that forgot something made for a lot of confusion when you peek your head through the door. You gasp, eyes blowing wide before you pull your head back and close the door. Mark and Haechan stare at the closed door as you and a choreographer go back and forth.

"What's the matter? Go back in there." The manager chuckles.

"There are two members of NCT in there!" You whisper the name like it's some forbidden word. 

"It's fine! I'm pretty sure they're on their way out. Just go in there with them!"

"Are you crazy?!"

Haechan had never seen your face before. No regular trainees were allowed in this practice room. Only debuted idols, groups preparing for debut, and special trainees. Any of those were possible, but what if...

"You think that's her?" Haechan rolls his head toward Mark with raised eyebrows.

"What? No way." Mark continues to stare at the door, hiding his disbelieving look from Haechan. "Well..." He lifts his shoulders, quirking one of his brows, "I guess it could be. But what are the odds? We were just talking about her and now she's here."

"Good odds, I'd say." Haechan mumbles, lifting his body slightly to peer over Mark at the door.

Some of the boys thought you were a pain. Technically, you weren't a proper trainee. Just someone the CEO really wants to be one, so he's giving you the full star treatment. Letting you practice here, use their studio to produce songs (hopefully more for their artists), and even let you around the artists themselves. None of them have ever seen you, for reasons that are now apparent, but the fact that the company was allowing this was unbelievable. Some may even say unfair. Haechan just thinks you've proved your talent enough to open doors. How could he not admire that?

"How many amazing producers have we had? None of them have gotten this treatment." Said Johnny a few days prior. "She's probably just pretty." He brushes off.

He was wrong. You weren't pretty. If you were truly who Haechan thought you were, you were absolutely breathtaking. Haechan swallows hard.

--🖱️▷

"Good job!"

You groan loudly, completely blocking out the choreographer's praise as you flop to the floor. "It's hot!"

"Well!" She claps her hands together before continuing. "We'll practice again tomorrow. And by that I mean we're practicing together tomorrow. Don't you dare stop practicing on your own." She scolds and you groan again. 

This is what was expected of you. You wanted to be a soloist for the sake of your irrational fear of all your members hating you. It's just a little easier on your social anxiety this way you told yourself. Now you have to work twice as hard. All eyes are on you. Was all this worth it? Should you just go back to being behind the scenes? You did enjoy singing and dancing. Being an idol was something you dreamed of since you were a little girl. But perhaps you were being a little unrealistic. Maybe you're just not cut out for this... 

Why is it so hot?

You stand up from the ground, sweat was starting to collect on your back. Plus, the heat was accumulating from lying there. You wander around the room, in search of relief before you continue practicing. 

As if the heavens themselves open up above your head, a cool gust of air hits your body and you all but faint. "That feels so nice." You breathe, sweat trickling down your neck. Your body goes rigid as the door creaks open. 

From across the room, you stare at Haechan like a deer caught in headlights. He chuckles to himself before he makes his way toward you, noting the way your limbs draw together like you're trying to physically shrink into yourself. Haechan plants himself right in front of you. You try to look at his face but you're so flustered it's almost debilitating. Did you do something wrong? Were he and his members not actually done as your choreographer suggested? Was he about to chew you out?

Haechan huffs, resting his hands on his hips before looking at the ceiling. The corner of his mouth twitches. He inhales slightly, tilting his head back down before fixing his eyes on your anxious face. 

"You know, it actually feels better if you lay down."

You finally build the courage to look up at him. Once you do, you find it hard to look away. The way his face melts into a warm smile makes your heart do flips. Your tongue darts out to wet your increasingly dry lips. "R-really?"

Haechan's smile grows. "Yeah." He chuckles. "When you stand up, it only hits your head and shoulders, maybe your arms a little bit. When you lay down, it hits everything, and it's easier to relax." 

You nod, but it's hard to focus on anything else but every muscle that moves on your body. You're just wondering if this celebrity noticed how hard you just gulped in front of him. 

"Try it." Haechan takes a step back, gesturing toward the wooden floor. You blink up at him before whispering a small 'oh'. You awkwardly settle onto the floor, feeling utterly embarrassed as Haechan watches you lie on the floor. As soon as your back hits it, you gasp. The crisp air hits the entire front half of your body. It's almost too cold as it cools every drop of sweat exposed to it. 

"See?" Haechan raises his eyebrows and you nod again. 

"Thank you for showing me this." You say quietly, eyes moving everywhere but on him. You clear your throat.

"Is something wrong?" 

"No... it's just... this is kinda weird." You gesture up at him from the floor.

"Ah!" 

You watch in awe as Haechan lowers himself to the floor as well, lying right next to you. You can't possibly ignore how close your hands are to touching. "Is this better?"

"To be honest, I'm not sure if it is." You say bluntly, turning your head to look at him. Bad idea. He has these round puppy dog eyes. The kind that could melt ice cream with their intense warmth. You would verbally swoon if you were out of your mind. 

"What, is there something on my face?" Haechan instinctively wipes the corners of his mouth. Just then you get a bright idea. Nothing breaks you out of that ‘this is painfully awkward please end this interaction immediately’ phase faster than some lighthearted joking.

"Mhm," you nod before pointing at his forehead. "right... here."

"Really?!" He stands up and hobbles toward the huge wall of mirrors you forgot about. You see, he was supposed to ask you to guide him to the spot and after a few seconds of misdirection you'd go 'just kidding!' and laughter would hopefully ensue.

What were you supposed to do now?! Now he was behind you and it'd be awkward to turn around and say 'just kidding!' from the floor, should you get up-

"Where? I don't see anything?"

You plant your palm firmly on your face.

"Wait... did you trick me?" Haechan laughs loudly in disbelief as he walks back over to tower over your body. 

"Yeah." You say after you've had your fill of facepalming.

"Ha!" He laughs again before kneeling beside you. "Are you embarrassed?" He narrows his eyes at you. 

"Yeah." You repeat before snorting.

"Okay." Haechan crosses his legs before pursing his lips. "I'm a little insulted that you just successfully embarrassed me without even being confident in your own prank." He nods slowly, clearing his throat awkwardly. You giggle, covering your mouth.

"I'm sorry." You squeak, closing your eyes.

"No, it's okay." He draws out the 'no', clearly not sincere in his consolation. "Just a little pathetic." He gestures with his fingers to illustrate how little. You gawk at him in disbelief. 

"Huh?"

"I mean, my little cousin can pull off that prank perfectly. He's seven." Haechan rests his hand on your shoulder to further his faux consolation.

"Hey!" You sit up from the floor. "This is not making me feel better."

"Good, you made me think I had something on my face while I was talking to a pretty girl."

You gasp before slapping your hand over your mouth. Haechan rolls his eyes. "Oh, what? You don't know that you're pretty?"

"I-I mean... I-I don't know..." You stammer like an idiot.

"Well you are. And that's putting it lightly." He leans forward, resting his elbows on his legs as he peers up at you. Saying such pretty words with those constellation-filled eyes. If your heart was doing flips earlier, it was doing an entire gymnastics routine now. You play with your fingers, tearing your gaze away from him. You weren't sure how to respond. You were never good at taking compliments about your appearance.

"I uh... I have to continue practicing." You point your thumb behind you before settling it back into your lap. 

"Oh, right." Haechan nods as he stands up from the floor. "Practicing is important."

"But we can talk another time." It sounds more like a suggestion than an act of disclosure, but just to be sure you don't sound too pushy you tack on a "Right?" at the end.

Haechan exhales amusedly. "Of course, how else are you gonna learn the ins and outs of the practice room?"

--🖱️▷

You didn't learn much, but you were definitely much cooler. You spent every break you had lying on the floor with Haechan. It wasn't the most picturesque location, but you didn't mind it. Spending time with him made it easy to ignore the strangeness of lying on the floor. It was a bit harder to ignore once his members started calling you his "floor buddy", but it wasn't too humiliating. Even less so since Haechan never protested. Seems like he didn't mind it either.

If he were honest, he doesn't understand why he catches you staring at him. What is more puzzling was the way you get flustered when he brings it up. 

"You're not gonna prank me again, are you?" Haechan looks at you with suspicion sewn into his expression. You press your fingers to your cheek like you're checking their temperature.

"No! I'm not."

"Just checking now that I know you're this big prankster."

You throw your head back against the floor in defeat. You don't stand a chance against Haechan's teasing. He always manages to make you tap out. 

"No, but really..." Haechan starts and you turn your head toward him. "Why are you always staring at me?" He tries to keep a straight face, but his confusion seeps through when his eyebrows furrow slightly. Your mouth hangs open as your eyes dart around the room. Truthfully, you had no honest answer that didn't make you seem suspicious. You're sure some people think you're a rich brat who's here just to hang around idols and ogle at them. Admitting to Haechan that that's exactly what you were just doing felt wrong. Could he trust you enough to continue hanging out with you after that? Perhaps keeping it a secret was worse, but perhaps you were okay with being a little bit selfish. Being with Haechan was making all this grueling practice bearable. 

"Uhh... subject change! How was that variety show-"

"Nice try. Actually, horrible try. Why would you announce-?"

"I don't know." You hide your face in your hands, muffling the incoming whines.

"So tell me what I need to know." Haechan shifts his body to the side, resting his head on his hand. Your eyes flicker around the room, feeling something uncomfortable stirring inside your stomach. Not only would Haechan find out that you were ogling him, but he'd also find out you thought he was attractive this whole time. There's no way a confession like that would leave your relationship unscathed. Sure, Haechan says it all the time. But his excuse of 'it's just a fact' was starting to work on you. The way he'd nonchalantly shrug his shoulders after every "you're beautiful" was believable. Your heart reacted nonetheless. 

There's no way you'd be able to play it off as a simple observation. You'd gulp and stammer and squirm, no doubt about it. But there was no backing out of this apparently, so here goes nothing.

"I-I think you're very handsome, Haechan." You try to keep your eyes on his blinking ones, but ultimately fail. You groan, hiding your face again.

"Haha. Very funny."

You peel your hands from your face to peer at Haechan who had turned off his side. "Funny?"

"You're getting better at the pranks, I'll admit it." He laughs dryly.

"What prank? Haechan, I'm serious." You maneuver closer to him, puzzled by his reaction. He flops his head to the side, a scrutinizing look on his face.

"You don't have to lie to make me feel better. Like I said, you're pretty and that's just a fact. You don't have to try and return the compliment."

You lie there quietly for a moment as he fixates back on the vent. "Do you seriously think I'm pretending to stare at you?"

"More like there's a different reason you're doing so."

"What? Like me thinking you're ugly or something? That's not it at all!"

He sighs. "Don't lie."

You push yourself up with your elbow, ready to pour your heart out about how he makes you go crazy every time you see his face, but you get a different idea. One that fills your body with nervous excitement. You overcome the nerves as you look at his face again. The slight annoyance on his face made him look irresistibly adorable. Those damned puppy dog eyes glitter like the stars. How soft his caramel-tinted skin looks. His lips look... inviting. You grab his face, smushing it between your hands as you deliberate once more. He looks at you in confusion before you lean down slowly and press your lips to his.

It was a short and sweet kiss, lips still adhered for a moment as you pull away. His lips glisten with the lip balm that transferred to them. He was dazed, and a bit shocked for a moment, but soon enough his lids grew heavier as he sits up and dives in for another kiss. Just as sweet as before, but with a bit more longing. Both of his hands made their way to your jaw, fingertips sneaking into the nape of your hair. 

He tasted like mint and the sugar from whatever he was snacking on earlier. His lips brushed against yours as he readjusted to suck on your bottom lip. You sigh against him, fingers finding the back of his shirt before clenching onto it. You felt dizzy, almost like you were drunk. That must be what was stopping you from stopping this. Someone could walk in at any moment. Hell, someone could walk past and peek in. This was not safe for either of you, but none of that mattered more than your need to feel and taste each other.

You tasted so fucking good. Your vanilla-flavored lip balm was the cherry on top. It made both of your mouths soft and slick so your lips glide against each other with more ease. Haechan was getting riled up fast. More than anyone, he should stop before he does something stupid like acting on his primal urges. Urges that grew stronger when he tugs on your hair, eliciting a pretty noise from you. He pulls away with a chuckle. "Having fun, angel?"

You miss his lips already, so much that you feel spontaneous. You lift your thumb toward his bottom lip, smoothing your thumb along the plump flesh. You're mesmerized by your own actions, and he's mesmerized by you. 

"What has gotten into you?" He asks in a hushed voice.

"Haechan..." You start, still staring at his lips. "You're so hot," You finally look at him, watching as his eyes go wide, "so annoyingly, devastatingly hot. Not just your face, but how you talk, how you carry yourself. I... I just can't get enough of you." You rush out before heaving as you stare into his eyes. It was a bit entertaining to watch him be the one flustered by compliments. Seems like the teddy bear can dish it but not take it. You smile with a giggle. "You're so sexy Haechan-"

"Shut up." He crashes his lips against yours, pushing you over so that you're laying on your back. He rests his hands beneath your head, lifting it up so he can move his lips against yours properly. You feel something protruding against your stomach. You gasp lightly against his mouth, yearning stronger for him when he bites your lip. “You talk too much.” He growls.

He was doing a great job at shutting you up. You were too preoccupied with trying to inconspicuously push forward for a better feel of his bulge. You couldn’t even do it a second time before he catches on to what you’re doing. He shakes his head, narrowing his eyes at you. “You are just full of surprises.”

He slides lower until the outline of his heavy member is resting directly on your mound. You can feel his thick shaft so vividly through the thin cotton of your shorts and underwear. “This what you want?” He quirks up an eyebrow at you. You nod, though your lip caught in your teeth and wanton expression already gave it away. 

“Okay,” Haechan sits up on his knees, ceasing all friction. Your hips chase his, huffing when you can’t reach him.

“Take it.” He nods at his steadily hardening member. Settling on your forearms, you look at him confusedly. “I wanna see how many more surprises you have for me.” He smirks, voice deep, shooting right to your core. He looks so cocky. Unlike most men, it fits him so well. His lowered lids with a slanted smile suggested he didn’t think you were capable of taking the lead. 

With how flustered you constantly are, Haechan expects you to be a whimpering, whiny mess in bed. He’d find it cute, of course, but he wants to see you act with a little confidence. Someone who looks like you should be the most confident motherfucker around. 

He was always teasing you and gaining the upper hand with his certitude and wit. After getting a taste of how he acted when he was flustered, you needed to experience it more. So you lean forward, sliding your legs from under him and pushing him back. You catch a glimpse of a shocked expression as you press a splayed hand against his chest and it nourishes your determination. With a single, swift motion you pull the bow his drawstring was tied in loose. He watches eagerly as you push his pants down, lifting his hips to aid the process.

The sight of his more prominent outline makes your mouth go dry. His tan thighs are a sight you could get used to. You run your hands up his thighs, feeling how hot his skin is and how it erupts in goosebumps at your touch. You move them further until they’re resting on either side of his member. He puffs out a frustrated exhale. 

“I’d love to take my time with you angel but we haven’t got all day.”

You grin up at him mischievously. And who said you weren’t good at teasing? If the Donghyuk from the first day you met saw how you slid his underwear down his legs and looked hungrily at his hard cock he wouldn’t believe his eyes. Not that he’s any less surprised right now. Your eyes are blown out as you inspect his phallus. Sufficiently veiny and thick, making up for where it lacks in length. You brush your fingers up the shaft, feeling the silky skin. He hisses, face tensing as he watches. He switches between watching your hand and your curious eyes before he exhales amusedly.

“You’re a virgin aren’t you?”

You place your entire hand along the base to get a proper measurement. The angle of it solidifies in your mind how well it’ll hit your g-spot.

“Nope.” You push him down so his upper body is flat against the floor. There’s a fondness to his gaze that lights a fire behind your cheeks. You lower yourself between his legs and begin kissing up his thighs. Just this is enough for Haechan. He makes a mental note to let you mark up his thighs when there’s more time to spare. But for now, he wants you to get on with it.

“Need I remind you where we are, angel?” His face pinches in pleasure when you plant a kiss on his balls. You ignore him and seek out that reaction again, sucking one of them into your mouth. His hot shaft raises the temperature of your hand as you wrap around it. A salacious moan breaches from his throat as you transition from no stimulation to sucking his balls and pumping his dick. Getting your fill from one side you switch to the other, coating it in a thick layer of saliva with a lengthy lap of your tongue. You pull your face away to let a little spit dribble from your tongue before sucking again. Arousal pumps fiercely through Haechan’s veins as you stimulate him. He tries and fails to keep quiet, choked groans slipping through every now and then. He squeezes his lips tight when you suck both sides into your mouth.

What he was witnessing was a masterpiece. Such a beautiful face dirtying up his dick and balls. So dedicated to get him off while looking so fitting for your pet name. “Angel,” he shudders, “I wanna fuck.”

“Hm?” You ignore him. You’re sitting pretty on your high horse with no intention of getting off any time soon. You want him to either whine and beg for it or cum all over your face. It’s a welcome change of pace to see him like this. And just for you? You could cum untouched. You release his balls with a pop before trailing your tongue to his shaft. He drops his head back with a heavy sigh as you trail wet, sloppy kisses up his shaft. “Fuck–” He breathes harshly and you can tell he’s getting there.

You run your spit-slicked lips up and down his member, poking your tongue out to kitty lick here and there, until his member starts twitching. He whines something under his breath and the sound makes you buck against his leg. “What was that?”

“Need you, need you…” He murmurs mindlessly, flicking his hips up involuntarily. You deliver full-on licks to his shaft until his stomach starts tensing and his moans pick up in frequency. “Please– fuck!”

You don’t listen again, you just give his tip the same treatment you gave his balls. Haechan’s torso jumps up from the floor as he moans louder than you’ve ever heard him. You giggle, “Hm~ I found the sweet spot I think.”

“Think this is funny?” He looks flush, hair beginning to stick to his forehead and pupils blown wide. If he was setting out to hypnotize you, it was working because you were entranced by his eyes. He takes the opportunity to push on top of you and flip you over. You nearly yelp but he covers your mouth with his hand. “No more slip-ups, we can’t get caught okay?” You nod within his grasp. “Good, because it would suck if we had to stop.” He purrs as he slips your shorts down as well as he can with one hand. You nod again and he coos a bit of praise.

He slips his hand from your mouth and kisses your cheek softly. You just about melt, and you feel like you actually could after what he says next.

“I told you I needed you and I meant it.” He shoves your shorts the rest of the way down and lowers his hips until his tip is spreading you open. Your lips part like softened butter until he’s fully submerged inside you. He pants next to your ear before peppering more feather-light kisses along your jaw and neck. When he bottoms out you feel a groan rumble in his chest. You keen, pushing back until there’s no space between you. 

Haechan rises further on his knees to make up for it before dropping his hips down. You gasp and his hand is back over your mouth, not stopping his onslaught of pounding. Countless coos of praise fill your ears as he fucks the sense right out of you. Your eyes roll up, legs twitching as he fills you up slam after slam. You mumble your own praise incoherently behind his hand which makes him chuckle beside your ear. “Knew you’d be cute getting fucked.”

He angles his hips to brush against your frontmost wall and rubs at your g-spot again and again. “F-feels so good.” You know he can’t hear you but it was just mindless blabbering anyway. You worry for a moment that all this drilling will leave your legs hurting and prevent you from following instructions, but every thrust wipes your worries away. You feel connected and close to Haechan in a way you didn’t know you needed until now. You pull his hand away and chuckle slightly. “Need you too, Haechan.” You breathe until you’re whimpering again and he has to re-cover your mouth. “I love to hear it, angel.”

You can feel fractures of your orgasm beginning to form, tingling up your thighs and collecting in your groin. You suck in a harsh breath as your legs quiver. “‘m fucking cumming.” Haechan mutters as his hips stutter and his knees slide against the floor. Hearing his sounds build in desperation makes your abdomen clench and in turn, your walls. Haechan bites your shoulder in an attempt to muffle the resounding cry that crawls from his throat. His hips buck wildly into you, jolting you forward until your orgasm fills your channel and joins his spurting semen.

The two of you are only afforded two or three minutes to come down, but it feels like an eternity of bliss so you’re okay with it. Haechan pulls the both of you up and embraces you while he stays inside. Then the sound of multiple people thundering toward the practice room cause you both to jump up and situate yourselves as quickly as possible.

--🖱️▷

The rest of 127 watch as you and Haechan talk across the room. Taeyong is the first to talk. “They had sex didn’t they.” He narrows his eyes at Haechan leaning in and whispering something in your ear, he notes your shocked expression and subsequent slap of is arm. 

“I caught onto that like… last month.” Mark mumbles. 

“Really? I thought she’d be too shy. She doesn’t seem like the type.” Doyoung says before reflecting. Then one, two, three beats pass before Taeyong speaks again.

“You guys think they did it on the floor?”

The rest of the members react in audible disgust which makes the two of you look over. “Where do you think they did it?” Johnny asks, suddenly panicked about everywhere his feet land.

Mark looks around sheepishly before mumbling, “Just steer clear of the vent."

likes and reblogs are very appreciated! 🖱️⤻ nct dream & 127 masterlists

[playroom-sekaii]

May I request little Rui and cg tsukasa?

Yup yup, on it!

-Rui's age range is normally around 4-6, he's not the littlest out there but he's not quite a big kid either. He's a bit scared of bringing up that he's a regressor to others, scared that they'll think he's weird and leave him, but Tsukasa (and Emu, Nene, and Mizuki, his other cgs) is doing all he can to show him that it's alright, it's important for him to be small when he needs to be, a fact Rui is slowly but surely trying to learn.

-Tsukasa likes to think that he's quite a good caregiver! Surely the best big brother in the world would be amazing at taking care of little ones, right? He knows that he has more to learn though, and he's working hard to become the best cg anyone's ever seen! Rui feels incredible flattered that he's willing to do this all for him, he's probably his main caregiver at this point.

-Rui mainly regresses due to how rough his actual childhood was, the bullying and isolation robbing him of the one he truly deserved. Overworking himself and strong emotions are normally what directly cause him to slip, him feeling overly upset, loved, or tired leads to a very little alchemist. He normally tries to hide that he's small, but the others have managed to figure out a few of his tells. He's much more clingy, and he's more likely to show his emotions, so even when he's doing all he can to pretend he's big Tsukasa and the rest of his cgs can see it clear as day.

-It's very common for Rui to slip while working on his inventions, leading to a lot of frustration from the poor little one. He's still quite smart when he's regressed, but these days his robotics and such are so complex, and he just can't seem to get them to work right, he should be able to do this...to prevent any unnecessary tears Tsukasa normally tries to keep Rui from working on his more complex projects while small.

-However, his little one still has that inventing itch, but Tsukasa knows how to help set it free! He's gotten Rui plenty of things such as blocks and other building toys for when he's small, and he helps him with arts and crafts sort of things too. Sometimes Rui gets an idea for an invention when he's little, and so he doesn't get hurt or upset by making it real Tsukasa will help him build it out of other things! The "bestest rocket in the whole wide world" became one made out of cardboard boxes, the "most amazing fort ever" was built out of pillows and blankets, they're perfect for his little inventor!

-Of course, even while small Rui still loves doing shows! He bases most of them on stories he's read, and Tsukasa is usually one of the first people he shows what he's done, either with his fellow little ones or plushies performing alongside him. His practical effects can't be as elaborate as when he's big, but he still does his best to work with that he can! This usually involves him going to the Virtual Singers for help, or basing his shows on things he can use around him (Emu has the sprinker set up today? He can do a show about the ocean! Oh, he has his blankie? He should do a show where he's a superhero!)

-Rui has a lot of electronic toys, but he's also quite attached to his plushies, mainly a cat named Hidari he's had since he was really young. He almost always has it with him, and if he's ever too embarrassed to tell Tsukasa something he'll have Hidari "say" it. When Tsukasa first saw his little cat it was in very bad shape, but he was able to sew it up good as new for a very grateful little guy <3

-Rui is still quite the dramatic, even when he's little X3 Tsukasa says he has to finish his dinner before having candy? Goodness, how could he hurt him like this?? He's the worst Papa in the whole wide world! How dare! He's a bit more shy with when Tsukasa does nice things for him, getting quiet and trying to insist that he doesn't need it, it's okay. ("Here, Rui, I fixed this hole in Hidari up!" "R-Really? Th-Thank you, don't deserve it..." "Of course you do! You deserve every good thing in the world, little comet!" "Papa...")

-Rui's very scared of making mistakes or causing people to get hurt or upset with him when he's little. Especially Tsukasa, he's terrified at the thought of him not wanting to take care of him anymore. If he ever breaks something or makes Tsukasa even the slightest bit unhappy while he's small, he panics, trying to hide or run away so he won't have to see him get mad or leave him. Luckily, Tsukasa would never do such a thing, and he's always willing to prove to Rui that it's alright, nothing could ever make him stop being his friend or taking care of him <3

-Tsukasa loves putting on shows for Rui when he's small, they always make his small one smile :D he's able to get Rui to do a lot of things he doesn't want to do by turning it into some sort of show or game, like cleaning or going to bed, though his attempts at doing so with getting him to eat his veggies have fallen flat TwT

-Rui's very, very cuddly, being held or snuggled makes him melt. Tsukasa's the only one that can pick him up, so uppies from his papa are very prevalent! One of the few ways to get him to fall asleep is to have Tsukasa beside him, especially with Hidari or a bedtime story <3

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

About Me: Favorite TV Shows

I'm gonna be honest with all of you: I'm not much of a TV show guy. I'm just typically not one who likes sinking a lot of time into something unless it's a video game with a lot to do in it. This is why I review movies; they're typically the perfect length for my easily-distracted ass to take in.

But still, there are plenty of shows that have broken that rule and managed to keep me engaged and coming back for more. Some of these are favorites from my childhood, while some of these are more recent shows I finally decided to watch. It's a nice mix, but the main thing here is that all of these shows are something truly special to me considering I took the time to watch them all.

There's a few honorable mentions to go over. The four biggest ones are The Simpsons, South Park, Family Guy, and Rick & Morty. I love all four of these shows... for the most part. My issue with all of them is that despite having stretches that are some of the greatest ever in TV history, they also have huge chunks of absolute dogshit to the point it is debated to this day at which point the shows fell off, or if they even managed to get back on. And sure, every show has bad stretches, but with most of these shows being long running programs and all of them being massive cultural phenomena, it sticks out a lot more. Rick & Morty in particular was hit really bad by this. The reason these shows don't get on while I have other long runners with bad stretches on the list is simple: When these shows are bad, they're offensively bad. Like the middle seasons of SpongeBob are bad, but at least they don't have his giant sperms come to life and impregnate his sister's egg to create a giant incest baby or have an overly long sequence in which he vomits after finding out he fucked a trans woman.

Other honorable mentions include: Batman Beyond, Chowder, Catscratch, Codename: Kids Next Door, Fraggle Rock, Good Omens, Malcolm in the Middle, Heroes, Cardcaptor Sakura, Invader Zim, Ben 10, Gargoyles, and The Mandalorian.

30. Captain Planet and the Planeteers

I had to find a way to squeeze one "so bad it's good" show on the list, but how? Making a show that's pure camp is more difficult than making a movie like that... but they somehow found a way by giving us the adventures of racially diverse eco-warriors fighting against pollution with the held of an absolutely ripped planetary avatar with a green mullet who spouts an endless stream of cheesy puns and one-liners that would make even Schwarzenegger's Mr. Freeze take pause. Every time this show is on, you bet your ass I'm sitting down and watching; it's the most beautiful cheese there is.

29. Bluey

My wife and I caught this on TV during a Disney vacation and we ended up loving it! This turned out to be a blessing, because a while later we had our first kid and she's obsessed with the show (she's going as Bingo for Halloween this year). It's such a cute, charming children's show with relatable messages for both kids and parents, as well as a shockingly good score. It genuinely is one of the best pieces of children's media out there, much better than shlock like Cailou or Peppa Pig (are those shows even still on?).

28. Jackie Chan Adventures

Cartoons based on celebrities tend to suck balls, but maybe they were picking the wrong celebrities the whole time. Maybe instead of MC Hammer, they should have picked everyone's favorite homophobic, PETA-supporting Chinese nationalist action star, Jackie Chan! This show is literally the Saturday morning cartoon. It really had it all: Wild animated action, mystical artifacts acquired through Indiana Jones-esque adventures. all sorts of crazy monsters and supernatural entities, and memorable characters like my man Tohru, who walked so Prince Zuko could run.

27. Sailor Moon

I think everyone remembers their first anime, and this was mine. My mom loved the show, so I ended up watching it a lot back when it was airing on the early iterations of Toonami, and it has made me a lifelong magical girl fan. Maybe Cardcaptor Sakura and PPMM did that whole thing better, but neither show had Sailor Mars, my first anime crush. All that aside, the cheesiness and the sheer earnest power of love and friendship that managed to solve every problem is just peak fiction... I just wish it was nearly as good as the manga.

26. Green Eggs and Ham

If you told me way back when that someday there would be an adaptation of the Dr. Seuss book famous for containing a very limited number of words that expanded on the story, added drama, and threw in a villain who is a blatant spoof of former president and eternal idiot Donald Trump, I think I might have stared at you in utter confusion. And if you told me this show would actually be good, I'd be doubly confused. Thankfully, the show is really damn good, with an impressive cast and good humor that manages to capture the whimsy of the wubbulous world of Dr. Seuss perfectly.

25. Inhumanoids

I think everyone has a soft spot for an 80s toy commercial, but where most would pick Transformers, My Little Pony, or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, my favorite of the lot was this obscure gem of a show. It's such a fun introduction of horror and Lovecraftian abominations to a young audience, and a lot of it is still unsettling and dark to this day. D'Compose will eternally haunt my nightmares between that raspy voice and the gruesome transformations he inflicts on his victims. Good shit!

24. Danny Phantom

Forget that stupid fairy show, this right here is the best thing Butch Hartman ever put his name on. It's a loving tribute to comic book superheroes in the same way Ben 10 was, but I think this show is ever-so-slightly better due to its blend of supernatural and sci-fi working really well (and also it doesn't retcon all magic as being alien energy or whatever the fuck they did with Gwen in the sequel series). The only thing holding it back from a higher spot is how hilariously bad the finale is and the rather scattershot quality of the final season in general. Too many loose plot threads hanging for my taste.

23. The Boys

Seth Rogen has seemingly made it his mission in life to adapt all of Garth Ennis' work in a way that makes it not suck ass, and boy am I here for it. Adapting one of Garthy-boy's most repulsive and spiteful works and turning it into a genuinely great superhero show that satirizes celebrity culture instead of just taking a huge shit all over comic book superheroes was really the way to go, and watching Anthony Starr and Karl Urban command the screen every time they take center stage is a blast. Sure, it's still gory and lowbrow, but it's done in a way where it's honestly appealing as opposed to whatever the fuck Ennis was doing.

22. Mystery Science Theater 3000

I mean, it should be pretty obvious that I love this series, right? If you ever had the misfortune of watching a movie at home with me, you'd know I just do not shut the fuck up and spend a lot of the runtime either pointing out trivia or cracking jokes, and it's mostly because of being inspired by this show. It's also partly because I'm annoying, but that's neither here nor there.

21. Batman: The Animated Series

No fucking duh this is on the list. This is pretty much the definitive portrayal of Batman for a lot of people, one that truly encapsulates everything the character is all about. Kevin Conroy truly owned the titular role, as did his costar Mark Hamill when it came to the Joker, and as if that wasn't enough this is the show that spawned one of my favorite comic characters, Harley Quinn. There's no denying the impact this show has had on Batman as a franchise, but even beyond that it's just a damn good show with really good writing. I sure am glad one of the guys who made it never went and flushed all the good will he garnered from creating this by constantly having Bruce Wayne lust after one of his teenage proteges!

20. Courage the Cowardly Dog

This show is pretty well-regarded for how it showcased some truly weird and fucked up imagery, but I don’t think any of that would be as resonant without the moments of tenderness and heartfelt emotion, the genuinely amusing slapstick, or the often clever writing. When it comes to episodic shows, variety is king, and this show has that in spades.

19. The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy

This show seems to be an answer to a question no one asked: What if they made Family Guy for kids? The black comedy, the negative continuity, the numerous pop culture references, the grossout humor, the musical numbers… it probably wasn’t intentional, but it sure adds up. The biggest difference is that this show is way more consistent in quality and has Jeff the spider, making it the superior show by a mile.

18. Digimon Tamers

What do you get when you cross the silly monster battles of Digimon with the writing of the man who brought us Serial Experiments Lain and a heaping helping of Lovecraft? You get this show, of course! It’s darker and more psychological than the goofier seasons before it, and while normally I’d balk at a series shifting tone like this, since this was my first ever Digimon cartoon I watched from start to finish I embraced it with open arms. Hell, this show is probably where my love of psychological and allegorical horror came from. And of course the show gave me yet another childhood crush, and if you’ve read the Rhine City stories I co-author you’ll know exactly which character it was.

17. The Twilight Zone

The brilliance of this anthology series is just the incredibly wide range it has with the supernatural and sci-fi stories. Sometimes you’ll get a resonant and hard-hitting allegory on a social issue, and sometimes you’ll just get a cool, fucked up horror story where some evil little kid can warp reality and holds an entire town hostage to his maniacal whims. I’ve enjoyed every revival they’ve done over the years, but the Rod Serling original just can’t be beat.

16. Stranger Things

I’ll admit that it’s really the first and fourth seasons carrying this show to #16; seasons 2 and 3 are wildly uneven, with 3 in particular veering close to the shark-jumping ramp with its cartoonish Red Scare stereotypes. But even in the show’s weakest moments, the characters and how they interact with each other have managed to keep me invested. How can I be too mad at season 3 when it gave my boy Steve (the best character) a new BFF, Robin (the other best character)?

15. Elfen Lied

I think it’s easy to write this show off as overly gratuitous because, well, it is. Everything here is turned up to 11, from the gore and nudity to the drama and tragedy. I kind of feel the same way about this show as I do for V for Vendetta, where if they cut the crucial tragic backstory it would make the work as problematic as the haters say. But with Lucy’s heartbreaking backstory left intact, it definitely elevates the story into something greater. The manga is still (mostly) better, but I have to give the show credit for introducing it to me, and also cutting out the character who constantly pisses herself.

14. Smiling Friends

Sure, the wacky shitpost humor and the black comedy are great, but can we just stop and marvel at how uncynical the show is? The core concept is a cheerful optimist and a bitter realist work together in a business that helps people be happy, and despite all the hijinks they get into they typically end up succeeding in one way or another. In a world where so many adult animated shows seem to revel in pessimistic nihilism (cough Rick & Morty cough), it’s nice to see a comedy with similar humor but a more optimistic outlook.

13. Ed, Edd n Eddy

This is one of the absolute funniest shows ever, making great use of the cartoon world to pull off the most wacky slapstick you'll ever see. But I think what truly pushes this series this high is the absolutely fantastic sound effects and music it utilizes. Like, holy shit this show is on another level. It all goes a long way towards making up for the living sexual assault joke that is the Kanker sisters.

12. SpongeBob SqaurePants

This show dropped almost nothing but bangers for three seasons, gave us one of the best show-to-film adaptations of all time, generated a near endless supply of memes, and was generally just really fucking funny. And sure, it dipped in quality a bit in its middle seasons, but I think the first three to three four seasons are good enough that they can fuck up as much as they want.

11. Invincible

Gee Amazon, how come you get to have two of the best superhero shows around? Where The Boys is more of a straight deconstruction of superhero tropes, Invincible feels like something of a reconstruction. We still have an evil Superman and morally dubious good guys, but Invincible himself is utterly unyielding in his desire to be good to the point he manages to break down his evil father’s emotional walls and save the world (for the moment) simply by being a loving son. Unwavering goodness even in the face of genuine horror is badass as all hell.

10. Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood

Not to be a stereotypical weeb, but this show is simply a masterpiece. Now I will admit, the first half of the show was honestly done way better in the original series, and that one also had some interesting takes on some of the characters once it started diverging from the manga. But this series has a much better finale with way better character moments, with stuff like Envy's final fate hitting harder than anything the original show could muster. There's a reason anime fans suck this show's dick so much; it genuinely is that good.

9. A Series of Unfortunate Events

I’m sure I wasn’t the only one disappointed that the original movie never got a sequel, so my hopes were high going into the Netflix series. Needless to say, I ended up extremely impressed; considering how they managed to incorporate the VFD plotline from the very start instead of throwing it in later in the series, I might even go as far as to call it an improvement on the books. I think the most surprising thing here is that despite expecting NPH as Count Olaf to steal the show, it’s actually Patrick Warburton’s portrayal of Lemony Snicket himself that brings the whole show together.

8. Peacemaker

I think this one speaks for itself.

7. Futurama

I love all of Matt Groening's shows, from the loose family sitcom shenanigans of The Simpsons to the great overarching plotline of Disenchanted. But it's really not surprising that the middle ground between tightly-plotted continuity and great humor is my favorite of his works. The best part of the show is no matter how many times it ends, it always comes back and finds new ways to bust your gut and tug at your heartstrings.

6. Gravity Falls

Disney has had many great TV shows in their time, but quite frankly nothing compares to this animated supernatural mystery series about a pair of twins having their summer vacation at a shitty scam shack. The episodes are mainly episodic with hints at the bigger lore, and it doesn't really ever feel like it's dragging its feet. It also didn't overstay its welcome, telling a fantastic story over the course of two seasons before gracefully bowing out while on top. Very few shows can say they ended in top form.

5. Jane the Virgin

One fine day I came home from work to find my wife watching this on Netflix. Curious, I sat down and watched it, not expecting much... and then proceeded to become so emotionally invested in the show I spent the rest of the series shouting at the screen as if the characters could hear me. It's sweet, funny, and absolutely ridiculous, a loving tribute to the telenovelas that inspired it, and a blessing unto this world for giving us the gift of Rogelio.

4. Avatar: The Last Airbender

Yeah, real bold and daring of me to say this is probably the best Western animated series ever, but it’s hard to deny that it’s true. With a rich world, excellent characters, and a strong story it’s to the point where the worst episode would be perfectly fine in any other show, and the best episode doesn’t even feature the titular Airbender at all. It’s just that good.

3. Breaking Bad

You know me, I love character studies of awful people, and few fictional villains are as awful as the egotistical meth manufacturer Walter White. Watching his rise and fall, the numerous moments where he goes further beyond the pale than before, is endlessly gripping, and the fantastic cast of characters helps keep things just as good even if we aren’t following Walt. Mike, Jesse, Gus, Skyler, the Salamancas, Hank, Saul… all of them are fantastic in their own right and could easily carry their own show. Speaking of which, about that last guy...

2. Better Call Saul

As much as I think Breaking Bad is objectively the greatest show ever, I prefer Better Call Saul. In hindsight, you can kind of tell Walter was bad from the start, but Jimmy “Saul Goodman” McGill? We watch him go from a morally dubious but ultimately well-intentioned man into the sleazy bastard he was in the original show, and it is genuinely heartbreaking. This show makes you truly dread the moment Jimmy fully becomes Saul, and considering how beloved the funny lawyer man was that is no small feat. The story of a good man falling from grace only to ultimately claw his way back to ultimately reclaim his humanity in the end… it’s beautiful.

1. JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure

I don’t think I could possibly overstate the influence this series has had on me and my writing. The personalized superpowers, the meaningful names, the numerous musical references, the unashamed embracement of even the most ludicrous elements of the stories… If you read the Rhine City stuff you can clearly see where I’ve let the JJBA influence seep in. But even outside the influence, it’s just a damn good action/adventure series, with no part being truly bad (4 - 6 are my favorites, though). It’s never a dull moment watching what sort of insane feats the Joestar family and their allies will pull off against the increasingly deadly forces of evil; here’s hoping we get to see Steel Ball Run sooner than later.

[pinkprimrose05]

Pink's ARC-V Highlights - Volume 2: Beware The Blue

Warning: Very Long Post, Contains Spoilers

Okay, uh, I lied. I'm not only here to talk about theories and potential foreshadowing. This series also serves as a quick recap of all ARC-V episodes and the cool moments in them -regardless of relevance to the plot- sprinkled with a generous drizzle of ramblings from yours truly.

If all goes well, you can expect fairly consistent updates, where I cover a few episodes every time. This one, for example, will go over Episodes 3 to 7, since those are the ones I managed to watch this week.

(I. hate. midyear finals.)

If that still piques your interest, then I hope you enjoy the read!

(And yes, I know Yuuto is purple, but purple is technically a shade of blue so the rhyme still works-)

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1) Episodes 3 & 4, OR: The obligatory "No card is useless!" Duel.

We pick up where we left off with the You Show crew, and the mishaps of Learning How To Pendulum At The Unholy Hour of 3 A.M. I must applaud the sheer lack of braincells between Gongenzaka and Yuuya, because wow, I can't believe they both forgot that Duel Replays are a thing.

(This is why only Yuzu has a 60%+ winrate.)

Fast forward through school-flavored pain, and we now introduce everyone's favorite banana peel...

... whom I highkey want to punt off a cliff.

Look, I love Sawatari. I really do. But good Lord, I forgot just how insufferable he was this far back in the show. I had to refrain from punching my screen several times through the back half of Episode 3, because Shingo, you idiot, who the fuck told you it was fine to put 8-year-old children in mortal danger for a bunch of shiny new cards??

Suffice to say, it took me a good while to actually like him after this atrocious first impression... but hey, at least he gets humbled with style!

As far as early-game Duels go, this one is actually not half bad. The "weak card wins you the game" trope is a bit cliché, but Yuuya gets props for turning it into a pretty light show with Kaleidoscorp and Block Spider, and then using said pretty light show to win the game in one turn.

Another thing is that this Duel introduces Action Traps! Gosh, I would have loved to see more of those later down the line. The concept is pretty neat, and the negative effects create an interesting risk, where a Duelist has to stop and think if they really need to grab an Action card, regardless of the potential ramifications of it being a Trap.

Oh, and did I mention that Sawatari gets roasted to oblivion before the final direct attack? Because he does. Yuuya went above and beyond to make this as entertaining as possible to his friends, and as humiliating as possible for Shingo... for which I ultimately have to thank him, because that's the spark that eventually turned Sawatari into the flashy dork we all know and love.

... And because he deserved an asskicking at the time. Sora did well knocking him out, actually.

..

..

Speaking of which—

__________________________________

2) Episodes 5 & 6, OR: That one time we adopted a war criminal.

I actually kinda like these two episodes. They're nothing particularly special if you look back (well, unless you're subscribed to the theory that the stadium in the first minute or so is the same one from Leo's flashback in Episode 126), but hey, at least we get to "properly" know our beloved sugar gremlin!

God, I love Sora. He's actually pretty terrible at disguising his position as a spy- like wow, he keeps outing himself as suspicious every time he makes a snide comment, even without the context of who he actually is. I think he could only afford to slip up so much because no one could ever guess that he came from a world-invading organization in a reality parallel to their own.

... And also because everyone thought of him as a mere child with a bit of a quirky, mischievous streak. I mean, who can ever think ill of such a sweet little guy?

(Yuuya can, but that's because Sora was annoying him on purpose lmao. It's good that he wasn't fooled by the cutesy act, though; that means he could read Sora better than most, despite his deflection and the constant switching between cutie pie and smug bastard.)

As for the Duel, it isn't much to talk about. The first few Duels are usually for exposition and showing mechanics, and in this case, we just see what happens when a Pendulum monster gets destroyed.

Short answer: It goes to the Extra Deck instead of the GY.

Long asnwer: Yuuya goes through a minor existential crisis, because his mishmash of a strategy comes crashing down the moment Odd-Eyes is out of the equation. How does he deal with that, you ask? Hysterical laughter, that's how.

(Goddammit ARC-V, isn't it far too early to make me question the protagonist's sanity?

... actually, don't answer that.)

Aaaaaaaaanyway, we also get to see the reintroduction of Fusion summoning!

(Look at this cool animation. So clean. So awesome.)

Fluffals are actually a very good Deck to showcase the different levels of complexity of the mechanic, and they get bonus points for the contrast between the cutesy plushies and... whatever animatronic shit the Frightfurs have going on. I am now reminded of how glad I was to see the older summoning methods getting a neat glow-up, especially after ZEXAL booted them out of existence in favor of focusing on Xyz.

(And on that note, I feel the need to stress that it's Xyz, not XYZ. Please. It's been twelve years. Stop confusing the game mechanic with the Union cards, people.)

__________________________________

3) Episode 7, OR: The one I actually wanted to talk about all along.

Oh this. This. This is where the plot finally starts to move forward. Nothing against the previous episodes, but I did say before they're mostly there for exposition, and that, by nature, is bound to be a little boring.

Unlike here.

I'd like to start by talking about Yuzu, because we have to admit: this is the first time she's relevant to the story as herself, not as Yuuya's friend or as a student at You Show. And boy, does she make it count.

She busts Sawatari on her own, and literally calls him a hundredth-rate Duelist. To his face. In front of his lackeys. Yuzu was ready to take him on, even when she was alone and locked in the warehouse (again, Shingo, what the fuck??), and I'm fairly certain she could've backed up her words given the chance...

Except, well, she wasn't given the chance.

I'm actually willing to let this one slide, because Yoot's interference doesn't invalidate Yuzu's ability to handle this by herself. I see it more as a precaution on his part, and also a chance to learn more about LDS and Academia that he simply couldn't pass up.

There's also the likely possibility that he genuinely didn't know how Duels worked here, and couldn't risk Yuzu getting hurt if he could help it. It's clear that Yuuto was aware she wasn't Ruri at this point (wow, good job man, you're not as colorblind as everyone else), but still didn't wish to involve an innocent bystander in conflict... which actually makes sense, considering his moral code.

And besides, the Duel was still pretty cool! There's something inherently awesome about setting a full backrow board on Turn 1, and the first time I saw it, I was absolutely shooketh.

(Also, there was a copy of Mystical Space Typhoon among the set cards. Something tells me that Yuuto knows it doesn't negate, and that is definitely praiseworthy, because it means that he actually reads the damn cards.)

Even Sawatari gets kudos for Monarch representation. And also for showing us that Prismatic foil and different rarities do exist in-universe, just like in GX. It makes me wonder why most Duelists don't use them, buuut I guess that was just a throwaway detail that they used to highlight Shingo's spoiled rich brat disposition.

ANYWAYS, moving on to more important matters!

Like dark matter. Which exists in space. Which is the theme of many Xyz cards. Among which there is one Dark Rebellion Xyz Dragon.

(HAIL THE T-POSE ALTERNATE ARTWORK!!)

Don't let the lesser requirement of 1 Overlay Unit fool you; the anime version is still worse than the one we got in the game... though it does, at least, have better OTK abilities against non-Xyz bosses.

I still laugh at the fact that it left Sawatari with exactly 100 LP. Poor guy probably thought he could pull a protagonist comeback, but alas, he forgot that he is not the protagonist...

Well, at least he gets a shot at the role in Episode 139, but we're a few ways away from that right now.

And speaking of stuff that we're a few ways away from...

*shakes Yuuto* Did you just- DID YOU JUST FUCKING NAMEDROP ACADEMIA???

I don't remember this at all. I thought he just asked about the significance of the LDS pin and left. What the hell? Why does none of the characters talk about it then? Not Sawatari, not his goons, not even Yuzu? What??

This is really, really weird. I may have to look into it a little more later on, but for now, we return to a bewildered Yuzu... and her absolute party pooper of a plot device.

Yes. You know the one.

(FuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufUCKYOU)

This stupid bracelet and the subsequent events following its activation bring us to a point of great frustration that I would like to touch upon, that being the cast's crippling inability to tell the counterparts apart from each other. Brace yourselves, Duelists; this might be a bit of a long tangent.

*inhales*

Okay, look, there are two sides to this issue; one that can be excused in more than one instance, and one that makes zero sense, no matter how you spin it.

The excusable side is the visual confusion. I understand Yuzu's shock at the situation as a whole, not helped at all by this odd fellow who strongly resembles her best friend.

(And before you say Yuuto doesn't resemble Yuuya for shit, yes he does, if only because the goggles' band is holding his bangs down.)

One must also remember they were locked in a now-wrecked warehouse, so the lighting conditions are bound to be rather bad, and it might be difficult to see clearly as a result. With all that in mind, I can forgive Yuzu for confusing their looks.

The inexcusable side, however, is the auditory confusion. The counterparts -every single one of them- don't sound the least bit similar to each other, even in the English dub.

They could look straight up identical for all it matters, but their voices are so wildly distinct I cannot begin to fathom how anyone can ever confuse them. You could technically make a case for excluding Yuuri and Yuuya since the sole difference between them is voice tone (at least in the sub), but the former is not a subject of comparison right now, and Yuuto's voice is far cry from the latter.

In conclusion of these two factors, I only have one thing to say:

... This is stupid.

This is so, so stupid.

It's so fucking stupid it's not even funny, but it is what it is, and as with every single time anyone talks about this issue, we'll just have to roll with it and be glad when a character doesn't take the bait.

*sigh*

__________________________________

Well, this should be everything for now, and *checks post length*.... holy shit I didn't think it'd slip from me this much. If you somehow managed to reach the end without dozing off midway through, then you deserve a cookie.

Thanks for reading, and see you soon, Duelists!

[astarab1aze]

🩵 lounie tunesssss

muse relationship headcanon game

who curses more?

well, as far as i know, they both cuss a lot, but loux's gotta take the cake on this one. sometimes, every other word out of his mouth, literally, is fuck or some variation of, and he says shit like it's going out of style. like that one song by blink-182? that's ya boi, poppin' off at the mouth.

who is more patient?

i feel like.......loux....loux is more patient than loni. no no, i think about it, and how this man is willing to wait FORTY YEARS to be with her. forty years, turbo. forty. he waits. that is the longest any of my muses have ever waited for anyone or really even anything (hydre doesn't count >:/). he is a man determination, commitment, and sheer fuckin' will--

who does the driving?

loni 100%. loux can't drive and she shouldn't let him....ever.

who is louder? who is quieter?

i think they're about matched. they both can be quiet, both can be loud, and it seems to pan out at about a 50/50 imo. they just shake hands and dance to dirty r&b songs on this point, and i love that for them.

who is more physically affectionate?

this seems to be another both of them thing, but i'd still venture to say loux far surpasses her in this respect. he's always got his hands on her in some way, always kissing on her, holding her, just - touching her constantly, maybe even to the point of it being annoying. that's his wife, she can live with being wanted and desired 24/7 🙄

who is more likely to tease the other?

i think they're equally likely to tease each other, one more...flagrantly sexually than the other, but-- boffum, m8. you know as well as i do how bad they can get too uwu

who is better with time management?

both of them are good about it, empirically. loux has the benefit of fancy magical tools that can sort of bend time and space for him to get anywhere at a moment's notice, so he's maybe just faster, but i'd think it's pretty fair to say they manage their time well. i don't see either one of them being late on anything, literally ever. and in the offchance they are late to something, it's because loux got a little too handsy lbr

who wins the arm wrestling matches?

loni, hands down. not because loux lets her win, not because he's weak, because never. mans is too competitive to just let anyone do anything skjdfhs but genuinely i do think loni beats him out here, cos he's not as muscular as she is and he's a good sportsman. without all his magic, using only his physical strength - loses to his wife, who is stronger than him.

who controls the music in the car ride?

loux and loni share music, so it doesn't matter. i fully headcanon this.

who covers dinner when they order in?

loni would insist, i'm sure of it, and loux would fight her on it. he will absolutely not let her pay for dinner. he is so determined to be a provider and a protector in his own way, he just - will not. he already paid, in fact, with cash because they used his phone to order. i am telling you, turbo. they're just gonna have to fight over this until they're old godly bitties in the sky. not sorry uwu

who is more outgoing? who is more shy?

loux is the most outgoing. he's an idiot, but he's truly a social butterfly, life of the party, fratboy ringleader, class clown type of guy. loni's the shier one, of the two, for sure. i think? that sounds right to me. loux's here to do backflips and steal the show (which includes taking all the heat, too)

who has the more outlandish fashion sense?

loux. i have an entire pinterest board to prove it...! you cannot tell me loni has anything in her closet that could top loux's >:U

who starts the tickle fights? who ends them?

HMMMM loux, then loni. but then also loni, then loux.

who has the darker/more "edgy" sense of humor?

loux, hands down. i don't think i need to elaborate here ksjdfhsd but i do think he'd make a few jokes that'd piss loni off or disgust her.

who is more competitive when it comes to games?

i think it's a toss-up here, although i don't really imagine them playing video games together. maybe some ddr at the local arcade on a date or two? otherwise the 'games' they're playing are probably in the bedroom--

who has the bigger appetite? the bigger sweet tooth?

i'm...admittedly not sure. loux eats and could put away a mountain of food, but i don't think his appetite is really all there. he loves to cook though, so he ends up eating somewhat regularly anyway, but he has a generally low appetite, i think. oh but he loves sweets. loves sweets. and is more than happy to share with loni.

who is more likely to get in a confrontation in public?

i'm calling it 50/50 here because loux'll throw down with anybody over nothing and loni is a tough cookie who don' take no shit. 1+1=2 for me, mhmm.

who hosts the parties/hangouts? who organizes them?

loux doesn't party as much as anyone thinks. he just shows up, sells the goods, does a little, and nopes out. hangouts are different - he is literally up her ass right now begging for a date tomorrow lbr. loux. but also loni does too... loux is just insane about her so naturally--

who is better at cooking? do they ever cook for each other?

loni is not allowed in his kitchen except to sit there and look pretty and taste what he makes. she will find a way to burn water and mans can't have his etoufee fucked up. he loves her, of course, but girl do not even think about filling a pot with water. loux's a perfectionist, unfortunately, when it comes to food and he can be such a brat about it too.

who is more likely to engage in dangerous and/or illegal behavior?

they both are, but loux moreso, i think. i mean, he's got a rap sheet a mile long. :I from public indecency to capital murder and just about everything in between. he loves breaking the law, and killing people, and hustling, and committing fraud, tax evasion, theft, torture, more murder, arson... okay, i shouldn't say he loves it because he doesn't actually, but it is all very fun for him.

who is more likely to notice when something is wrong with the other?

thaaaat really depends. they're both very sensitive to each other in their own ways, be it emotionally or sensorily. like loux would notice right away if something physical was wrong with loni, and he's usually pretty good about the emotional stuff even if he is a little unconventional or A Lot about it. i think loni would be able to tell right away if something was wrong with loux physically, but maybe not emotionally since he locks his shit all the way down and it's usually hard to tell how he's actually feeling without him physically expressing it. um, something like that?

who does the talking in public settings (i.e. to the waiter at a restaurant)?

i feel like they'd take turns. loux getting to be a gentleman sometimes, loni getting to be the proverbial 'daddy' other times. they defend each other, they speech together, they sing together, they yell at people together, literally prove me wrONG TURBO

who is more likely to extend a helping hand & provide emotional support?

uh, emotional support? maybe loni. loux will probably default to physical stuff and small conversation before he approaches the meat. it's just how he is. this could change over time to be more even between the two, though.

who is the bigger prankster? do they get the last laugh or do they suffer for it?

loux, and he gets the last laugh. he also suffers dearly for it. marriage :sparkles: uwu

[britishchick09]

on my blog, you'll often see me posting about 'the rewrite'... but what is it exactly? find out below! ;)

the rewrite (or 'poto rewritten') is my version of 'phantom of the opera'! i came up with it in september 2021 as a way to have more eristine moments and a happy ending for erik, but it's blossomed into so much more! from weird coincidences to references galore, writing the rewrite has been a wild time! :D

(get an equally wild peek at 'the opera ghost' here and buy it here!)

(and be sure to get the first short stories collection here!)

if you love these stories as much as i do, be sure to review them on amazon! ;D

first off, let's say hello to the characters:

christine is shy and steadfast with a heart full of kindness, erik is an awkward yet witty stringbean with a love for music and raoul is a caring, optimistic lad with an affinity for the sea!

there are a ton of other poto characters in here like meg (she's in the group photo at the beginning of the post!), madame giry, nadir, ayesha, carlotta, piangi, sorelli and cecile (two ballerinas from the book) oroyeso (a mini series guy), carlous fonta (truly the most underrated poto character ever!), caesar the horse, madame valerius and of course good ol' daddy daae :)

the story mostly takes place in palais garnier (the lake isn't as magical as other adaptations make it but it's still pretty neat), but it goes far beyond the opera house! from bois de boulonge (book reference!) to the mazarine library and even the village of giverny, it explores the world of paris like never before! (and there's an eiffel tower cameo of course)

as you can already tell, there are quite a few references to other adaptations. the rewrite is a blend of various ones! poto soup if you will ;)

phans will certainly enjoy the rewrite since there are a ton of references to so many adaptations! from big bois like the book, musical, 1925 movie and susan kay's phantom to smaller ones like the mini series, the 1943/62 movies, love never dies and freddy phantom to tiny tales like ghost on the roof, angel's mask, phantom heart, and journey of the mask

some references are obvious like song lines from the musical (christine wanting to see the beauty underneath or whispering to her papa's grave, 'i wish you were somehow here again'), erik calling himself 'poor, unhappy erik' & raoul being on the naval borda ship like in the book, eristine having a picnic like in the mini series, erik having opera props on the wall like in ghost on the roof and masks from other adaptations being shown during the masquerade

others are super subtle like raoulstine reuniting on april 14th (the only thing i could pull from that lost 1916 movie das phantom der oper), walter plinge being a pseudonym from maskerade and cecile thinking the opera ghost is a canary (as 'the canary trainer'!)

and of course it wouldn't be a poto story without references to the creator, gaston leroux! manager armand is a fan of le gaulois (the paper that poto was originally published in), christina nilsson is name inspiration for christine (just like irl!), the maiden name of christine's mom is leroux (but they're not related probably) and-

...well let's just say there are a few neat cameos in store ;)

(see all of them here... but beware of spoilers!)

as you can see, the rewrite is a love letter to poto! and there are plenty of original ideas like the story taking place in 1888. want to see christine room with meg, explore paris with raoul or do adorable things with erik besides singing? the rewrite's got it all and more! ;D (it's a very eristine heavy story but there are plenty of raoulstine moments... and who she ends up with is another reason why i started the rewrite)

but the rewrite isn't just one story... just like with my original stories, i've planned out short stories and mysteries that take place after the main story ends. this is just the beginning! ;)

and what an amazing beginning it is ♥

[natsu-tatsu]

Being blown off by a Tist.

I've actually managed to calm down a decent bit the past few months, but I still plan to throw stuff in here sometimes. For myself, if nothing else.

So I pose a question.

Is it just me, or are Hypnotists super flakey?

Has anyone else been blown off by a Tist, multiple times, perhaps day after day? I've worked with a few Tists and while some are substantially better than other in terms of skill, dedication and actual... vibe, energy, wanting to be there.

A common issue I've had with Hypnotists is they're flakey as hell. I have a good friend that I've only worked with a bit overall but he's been very kind to me! That's said, after maybe 2 or 3 sessions he started becoming super spotty, like disappearing for hours when we WERE supposed to have a session and then not getting back to me until he say my disappointed responses from the night before. This was made even worse when HE would offer me sessions of his own violation and then disappear on me the same way. I'll admit I bit his head off, and I really got mean with him and I am sorry about it tbh but I couldn't bottle it up anymore either. But we talked it out and he agreed it was fucked up to get my hopes up and then leave me hanging all night without even a heads up of like "Oh yea hey I'm not gonna be able to"

He gets a pass. Then there's the crazy fuckers.

I had this one really super shit Tist come onto me in a fairly niche Server, (It was, at the time, male and hypnosis centric). Now I struggle goin' under, I can't really use Files to any effect, and I can't put myself under. I've given it some seriously earnest attempts. Likewise, finding a good long-term Hypnotist is trying to find a piece of hay in a needlestack.

So when, after like 2-3 years around these gay hypno spaces online, I have this Hypnotist guy not only come onto me, but be super interested in helping me become a better subject and going under easier. I was ecstatic, and I think it only took like 2 weeks for trouble to show with this prick.

First and foremost, word of advice. If a "Tist" gives you a session and offers more but demands, you hypnotize HIM first. RED FLAG.

Seriously, I gave him my best go cuz I am a Switch and for a good period of time, had surrendered myself to being strictly a Hypnotist so I could engage in my Fetish SOMEHOW even if being a difficult subject was impeding me. And he liked it, and he agreed to work with me more.

Until he didn't. There was never a formal, "Oh, I'm not interested in you anymore." Rather this "bisexual" would run around a gay centric space IN A GENERAL CHAT to brag about "boobs are so good you guys don't know what your missing" and "my girlfriend is such an amazing sub, I've trained her so well." RED FLAG.

He was also blowing me off. Like to a ridiculous degree. It took me maybe? A month or so to realize asking him for sessions was pointless cuz he would either say no upfront or say yes and blow me off anyway. I've literally given him subtle reminders about our agreed session times like "Oh hey im excited for the next hour to pass" stuff like that and his ass would literally ignore me.

But Discord literally shows when your playing Steam games when your online. And when I see, that at our session time your useless ass has fired up Stellaris and it's only been 5 minutes of play time, RED FLAG.

My blood is actually boiling just remembering his useless ass. Suffice to say, these are two extreme examples. My best and worst being ditched for a planned session, from a good Hypnotist and also a truly asshole shit tier Tist.

I've got a lot of less notable being flaked out on by Hypnotist experiences tho a lot of them will do that before ever working with you in my experience.

Does anyone else also feel like tists are super flakey and unreliable???

[unsteddie]

Alright since we've been challenged

Tommy's surprisingly understanding. Steve manages to keep himself in check for the most part, but one night when Tommy scores some weed it slips out while Steve is relaxed and loose lipped. They're not even really doing anything yet.

Steve kisses down Tommy's shoulder and doesn't even realize it's happened until Tommy's pulled away from him, standing a few feet away with so much hurt on his face.

Steve realizes he's finally done it, finally said another name while he's supposed to be focused on Tommy. And there's a sense of relief in it, he's gonna have to face the music, but at least his chest can unclench.

"What the fuck Steve?" Tommy asks, so quietly. It's not angry like Steve expects. That's so much worse somehow.

"I-" but he can't say much more, his throat is so tight he feels like he's being strangled. Tommy must see something truly pathetic on Steve's face, because his stare softens. He comes over to the bed where he'd just been straddling Steve and sits next to him instead.

"Not Munson, right? Come on Stevie, not the murder suspect." He says, like he's asking Steve a favor.

"Eddie didn't- he would never," He's not angry, not yelling at Tommy, just has to let him know.

"Yeah, I've seen the signs around town." Tommy reassures him, placing a hand on his knee. And if that doesn't make Steve feel like lowest scum.

Steve nods, there are signs hung up everywhere, mostly by the kids, mostly by Dustin. Proclaiming Eddie's innocence. Others popped up too, not made by anyone in the party. Steve never tried to find out who it was, he was just thankful they weren't alone.

"He saved Dustin. All of us really. He died making sure," he picked his words carefully, not wanting to give too much away, "making sure nothing evil got past him. He was- he was so good Tommy."

And Steve is suddenly balled up in Tommy's arms, crying against his shoulder. Tommy's shushing him, caressing his back, being so sweet it makes Steve want to die.

"Why aren't you mad at me?" He finally asks after a long while. Tommy sighs and they pull apart, turning to face one another.

"It's fucked up, what you were doing. You were using me, you know? But, I mean I can't be too mad. I did the same thing, with the first guy I was with." Tommy admits, running a hand through his hair. Steve is a little surprised by it, he hadn't really considered Tommy could have been with someone else, another guy anyway.

"He was cute, cocky. Made me think a lot of you, before Wheeler. Looked a little like you too. Kind of a dick though, didn't want anything to do with me when we weren't messing around. Didn't wanna take the chance of getting caught." Tommy laughed bitterly. "Can't blame him, I don't really wanna take that chance either."

Steve nodded, but he hadn't really thought about it. He'd been trying his hardest not to think about any of it.

"Look, Stevie, I don't...I'm not in love with you. Anymore, if that's ever what it was." Tommy says on a sigh. "Getting to be with you like this, it means a lot to me, but I didn't want anything serious. I, uh, I'm actually leaving soon. I wasn't sure how to bring it up, but I guess this works." He let out a dry chuckle, and something loosened up in Steve's chest.

"I'm, I'm still sorry, I should have just told you." Steve said and Tommy gave him a sad smile.

"I get it. I'm sorry you can't be with him." He said kindly, squeezing Steve's knee again. A stone dropped into his stomach. Steve swallowed and nodded again, it was the only response he could muster..

"We're you guys together before everything?" Tommy asked. Steve shook his head, took a moment to figure out how to speak again.

"No, I don't even," Steve laughed, feeling silly, "I don't even know if he was into guys, you know? I barely knew him actually. He just...I didn't really have time while I was with him to- I don't even know what I'm trying to say here." There was tight laughter between them, but Steve eased into it.

"You'll be ok." Tommy said, parting his back reassuringly, Steve nodded.

They hung out everyday until Tommy went back to school, but nothing happened, they hugged before Tommy left and they was the most they had touched once their talk. They spoke on the phone about once a week after that, and in the end Steve couldn't believe he had Tommy back. It wasn't weird or awkward, he even found they could joke about it. It was nice, stitched up some part of Steve he didn't realize was torn.

He also told Robin about everything. She was very dramatically offended that Tommy Hagan of all people knew about Steve before she did, though she had her suspicions. When he admitted it was Eddie that made him realize she just nodded like she knew and pulled him into her bathroom. They sat with their legs in a tangle and went over it all, Eddie, Tommy, the way Steve was and wasn't handling it.

Things went back to some kind of normal. Until Dustin burst into through the door of Family Video huffing and puffing, his eyes shining in a way Steve hadn't seen in a while.

Tommy Hagan came back after Hawkins split open. He left college and came to help people in need. Because under all the posturing he was good, he always had been when he and Steve were kids, he just got a little lost in highschool. Not like Steve could judge.

Just a few hours after running into each other, an awkward hug, and unloading a million supply boxes out of a government truck together, Steve found himself with a lap full of his former best friend.

He knew he fucked up when he kissed down Tommy's neck and heard him mumble something about 'wanted this for so long.' He knew he fucked up because it wasn't Tommy's brown eyes or full lips he was seeing.

As Tommy melted in Steve's hands it was Eddie's fingers that trailed up Steves arm, across his shoulder and into the hair at the base of his neck. It wasn't Tommy's slightly high pitched moans he was hearing, but Eddie's lower timber. And it wasn't Tommy's familiar spicy cologne he was smelling as he unbuttoned his shirt to kiss down his chest, it was the lingering smoke of Eddie's last menthol.

He'd shared it with Steve against the side of the RV before they left for the Creel house. It was then that Steve recognized the way his stomach twisted when Eddie leaned close into his space, familiar and alarming at the same time. He nearly pulled Eddie in then. He wished he had.

Steve had fucked up and he hadn't stopped himself. He'd had plenty of chances, the first break for air when the two old friends took a moment to laugh awkwardly. On the way up to Steves bedroom, giggling and whispering to each other.

He really should have stopped, while he was undressing Tommy the rest of the way, and he had to push away the thought that he couldn't be kissing Eddies neck, sucking a deep purple bruise into it. Because Eddie's neck was a gaping hole rotting somewhere in the upsidedown where Steve had left him.

But in the dark of his bedroom it was so much easier to pretend. It was easy to bury his face back in Tommy's neck and hear eddies voice echoing every little sound and word that Steve was able to tease out of the boy under him. Easy to feel calloused fingers gliding along his back, digging in when Steve did something he liked. Easy to pretend he could taste that last menthol on the tongue in his mouth rather than cheap beer. It was easy and Steve was weak.

He barely kept himself from calling out Eddie's name. He bit into a freckled shoulder instead. Later, with Tommy sleeping soundly on his chest, a content little smile on his face, Steve cried silently. For what he'd done and for what he'd never get the chance to do.

[lollytea]

(I loved your ask so much I promise I'll get to it soon so please have this in return)

Darius approves of Willow because she reminds him of himself when he was that age, meanwhile Hunter is so offended on Willow's behalf that Darius thinks that because he's only ever known Darius as a rude adult

Like Darius hears some Willow story and thinks about how he used to be similar as a 15-16yo, and in that embarrassing dad supportive way says something like "That means she's a catch, don't fuck it up kid"

To which Hunter is like "excuse you, WILLOW doesn't skip meetings or sass everything everyone suggests, and she likes my fashion style!"

No but I've been thinking SO HARD about the potential ways that Darius could see his younger self in Willow. Obviously they're both very ✨️❗️💪👑 but I wonder if all that is coming from a similar place.

Like Willow has all this radiant self confidence and bravado, which we know is something that she built for herself rather than something she was born with. What if Darius went through a few similar sequences in his youth that made him into the person that he is today.

What if he was a shy insecure kid at one point? What if there were others who made him feel small? He's known to have been friends with the likes of Odalia, who can't have been the most uplifting presence.

There's also the possibility that Willow's bond with Luz has a link to Darius and the friendship he apparently struck up with the likes of Eda, Raine, Perry and Lilith after the events of TTBK. With both being the driving force of their character development. They've always been very strong powerhouse witches but here are friendships that are a turning point. Luz and Eda & co. are the people who made Willow and Darius truly start to believe in themselves.

And then of course, there's both of their respective bonds with a Golden Guard, which I WILL opt to claim as a parallel. Because, at the point they met their GGs, Darius and Willow were already thriving. They were strong, tough, flashy, they were doing GREAT. But then Some Guy came along and still managed to change everything for the better. And though both of the dynamics were extremely different, (Willow's being romantic and Darius's being a mentor and mentee/possibly on the familial side) they both led these kids in the same general direction. They were doing good but these nerdy blondies helped them become the best possible version of themselves.

That's the version of them I think we're seeing in the Dana art. They're both at similar points in their lives. They have their friends, they have their grimwalker, they've got all this new stuff started and they're excited to see where it all goes. They have everything they could possibly want.

The irony here is that at this point, the worst is behind Willow. But for Darius, the worst is on the horizon.

Also, though the timelines don't perfectly parallel as Willow was only little and Darius was likely in his late teens, they both severed a tie with a Blight kid that stuck with them for years afterwards.

Though Darius's circumstances were probably WAY different than Willow's, (Darius had no problem expressing his resentment to Alador's face, while Willow didn't have the guts to say the same things to Amity) I can't help but wonder if that might have something to do with Dana's parallel. Maybe, like the Willow and Amity situation, the split between himself and Alador impacted how Darius developed.

(Although, Willow and Amity were a duo and when they broke up, it was just between the two of them. But when it came to the other situation, it's implied in Reaching Out that Alador did not just abandon Darius. He abandoned all of his friends. But Darius obviously took it the most personally.)

But as an interesting contrast, the split made Willow, who was already insecure, more vulnerable and shaky than ever. Her character development hadn't really started at this point. Meanwhile Darius had already built himself up to the level of confidence Willow possessed in ASIAS. He had grown a lot at this point. But after the falling out with Alador, he just got colder and far less tolerant for dealing with other people.

And let's not even get INTO how the death of his mentor probably turned his already hard exterior into something impenetrable.

Anyway it's interesting. Willow and Darius are both SO confident but the difference between the confidence is obvious. Willow's is so full of exuberance and warmth and encouragement and it inspires others to feel good about themselves. She's been hurt before and now she wants to make sure nobody ever feels like that again.

Meanwhile Darius's confidence has a completely different vibe. He's distant, he's dismissive, he acts superior to everyone around him. Darius is an absolute fortress. He's been hurt before and now he wants to make sure nobody can ever hurt him again.

But in spite of these differences, they're both so good, y'know? Why are these two involved in the Day of Unity in the first place? Obviously I'm not calling other characters selfish (They're absolutely not.) But their motivations definitely have an effect on why they're involved. Luz has to stop the Day of Unity because she believes its her fault. Everything Raine does has led to this because they want to protect Eda, which is a direct result of Eda and the Emperor being linked.

Willow is just a teenage girl who loves her friends. Darius is just a man who wants to keep everyone alive. They have no direct ties to what is going down but they've planted themselves into prominent roles because they believe it's what's right.

There's definitely other characters involved who do this for a similar reason. I'm just mentioning it in regards to these two cuz Darius and Willow's inherent goodness have always stood out as some of their most defining characteristics.

But God yeah it's so funny to think that Darius could clock the similarities between himself and Willow almost immediately. But no matter what angle he looks at it from, it's something Hunter would never possibly be able to understand. And it's like. Look man you just had to be there.

Like Darius recognizes it in Willow's demeanour. The way she holds herself. How she tips her head up so high so she never looks small. These defensive mannerisms that Darius could spot a mile away.

He does learn her story eventually but even before anyone told him, he saw her. Without hearing a word about how Willow got to the point, he knew she had been hurt before.

"Be kind to that girl, Hunter." He'd say after Willow kissed her boyfriend goodbye and departed. Because he knew her feelings to be just as fragile as Hunter's own.

And Hunter, having no fucking idea where THIS was coming from, is like "bitch YOU be kind to her." Because Darius called Willow a menace to society like five minutes ago.

I like to think about their silly antagonistic little relationship and how Darius seems like he's being so insensitive to Willow's feelings but it's like. He knows exactly how to cleverly quip back-and-forth without ever broaching a topic that would actually hurt her. Willow prides herself on being an annoying little shit so Darius assures her that she is just that. It makes her swell with pride. It makes her giggle delightedly. Darius plays along.

But he's been in her shoes. He knows the kind of comments that would actually make her feel small and he expertly tailors their relationship in a way that she knows she's never in danger of being seriously patronized. Not with Darius. I think he's become a lot more mindful of that kind of thing once he realizes just how shitty he used to make Hunter feel. Like he's still a bitch but a more self aware bitch. And he probably still hurts people's feelings every day of his life (some people's feelings simply do not matter. Its fine.) But never Willow's. Willow's feelings are something he understands very well.

But lmao Hunter gets SO MAD about it. Darius will be like "I hope you intend to hold on to that girl."

"I'm trying."

"Wonderul. I know exactly the kind of girl she is. One of the finest witches this Isles will ever know. Trust me on this, she's just like me when I was young."

And Hunter "That's not the Captain" Lastname is like "Don't even joke about that."

"Who's joking?"

"She is NOTHING like you and you can' just go around SAYING she is. She's sweet and cool and pretty--"

"Are you saying I'm not sweet and cool and pretty?"

"You'll never be as pretty as Willow, Darius. Let's be serious."

"I'll have you know I was the bell of Hexside when I was her age."

"You're trying to convince me you were the Willow Park of your day?"

"Hardly. Willow Park is the Me of her day."

[freakygirlie]

Hi. Itk here. Believe me, don't, doesn't matter. Thought I'd drop (after you summoned ha) by given the chaos and try to enlighten the ones who choose to believe me, as much as I'm capable of.

The first thing I wanna say is: stop trying to figure out their relationship. You most likely never will. Fans are stuck on both extremes, when the actuality of it is far more in the middle (perhaps even up or down and all around ha). It's complex and strange and not at all "normal" (as normal as they could be, anyways).

It's not as simple as "oh they're just a closeted couple who engage in bearding and have kids and behind closed doors they're just a regular, old married couple and a big, happy rainbow family".

Doesn't sound like itk info, believe me, I get that but observing the fandom I'd say it almost is because most fans simply hang on extreme simplistic ideas of what their relationship is.

Second thing I'd like to say and unfortunately seems like it's not at all obvious but: do not believe anything they share publicly. Not saying they're lying compulsively, but they are public figures and they have a lot at stake to just casually drop the actual truth of any given situation.

Just don't. The same salt you have regarding itks, have towards them. It'd do you some good...Believe me. Unless you are involved in the entertainment or political life, you cannot even begin to fathom what it's really like, the level of manipulation, falsehood and well, overall deviation of it. It's quite disturbing tbh. So just always take whatever's said and shown with a good amount of salt. With public people hardly anything is accidental or casual.

I think the most prominent question now is...Why? Why would they do something like that? Regardless if you have the ingenuity to believe the little scene they made or not...Still, the question lingers.

With my level of "in the knowness" I cannot for sure say the real reason, yet from the pieces I've collected so far, seems to be a multiple gain scheme. It was a high risk, they were well aware, and it paid out in the way they were expecting, minus small bumps here and there. But overall it seemed to have worked in their favor. How in the hell, one would ask?

Believe me, I used my best sneaky capabilities to find out exactly why but they were smart enough to keep this one locked tight, minus a few loose lips. And from those all I've heard was that "whatever the purpose was, it worked out".

As weird as it may sound to the innocent mind, it's actually not at all, given that even leaked nudes are not at all leaked or accidental, and those tend to (at least in the past) get immense amount of backlash. It's not the first time famous folks fake a fight, surely won't be the last.

A lot goes into public image, it's not black and white as "well but it looked bad on Jensen", "it looked bad on the prequel", etc. You'd be surprised as how little this truly matters given the level of manipulation they are able to pull on the public. And well, even with them...It happens all the time. Both made mistakes far worse than just "not telling my bestie about my new project" and fans would eventually let that go and put them back on the pedestal.

So just remember, always: not in the industry? then don't judge anything because you simply do not understand how it works.

Another piece of itk information I can give besides "this was planned and it worked" is: they are fine. From what I've heard they are not fighting over it or going through anything more dramatic than what they usually have been going through ever since they met haha.

So just sit back and chill out. Breathe, read fanfiction and remember that we will never truly get answers, because even what comes out of their mouths are most of the time carefully thought out and directed to have a specific meaning and effect (why do you think Jared mumbles and rambles so much?).

Another interesting piece of itk: you know how they always say they never fight? Even though that sounds insanely hard to believe even if they were just friends because who knows someone for that long and is constantly together and never fights? Unlikely, right? Yes, as obvious as that was. But unfortunately a lot of you seem to believe that, given the level of shock you had for this little twitter feud (as fake as it was). Yeah. They fight. A lot.

They fight as much as individuals in their situation would. Like I said, not at all what most people absentmindedly seem to think it is. They go through a lot. Way more than anyone who isn't in a similar situation would understand. It's messy, although they try their best to make it simpler in the ways they can.

On top of being in a very complex situation, they both have strong personalities and one of them is quite hard to "pin down". So altercations happen a lot, but they know how to deal, and they are exceptionally good at making sure that doesn't interfere in their work (oh well, at least not any work that doesn't benefit from intense emotional exchanges, anyways 😉...chemistry isn't something random, you know? haha).

I find it quite...interesting (to put it nicely) that a lot of hats easily believe they are a couple that lies constantly about almost every aspect of their lives, yet, they cannot believe they would fake a social media narrative. It makes no sense whatsoever.

It'd do you all good to be a little less tendentious and look at them as, you know...Humans? They are not what they seem to be, just as you guys also take in different versions of yourselves in different situations, they do too. And don't be so hopelessly naive to actually believe they see fans as "hashtag family". This is their work. And as grateful as they are for supporters, they certainly do not consider them family. To the point of never lying and trusting you with their life.

I'm sure they love their fans, but come on, saying they would never lie because that's mean to fans is just beyond naive. They've been doing it all along and oh, another interesting info? They don't think they're doing anything wrong.

Yeah, sounds weird, you'd think they'd feel guilty. But again, unless you were media trained, you'd never get it.

From years now if there's one consistent info I've gotten was this: they don't feel obligated to tell you anything. They believe they are doing "what they are supposed to do, the right thing for everyone involved".

So. Yeah. And hell, they are right about not being obligated to say anything about anything, I guess.

Well, I hope that was helpful or at least entertaining. It's hard to share info without accidentally making it obvious who I am for the lurkers (sure you guys were well aware that they lurk around the fandom). But it's safe because as long as I don't provide evidence, I'm fine. Just walking a thin line between sharing and not sharing something too specific that would be easy fir them to know who has that info and although they can't do anything against itks, they can manage to cut us off somehow and I enjoy having access lol, so that'd be a bummer.

Anyways, take itks and J2 themselves with a ton of salt haha! You are lovely, btw, you seem very kind and I enjoy your blog very much! much love!

itk anon everything you said was <333 and i agree with like almost all of it. very nice analysis and ask thank you ! i don't always believe everything j2 put out but the whole stunt being a false narrative just seems wrong so idk what to make of it. regardless i myself can sometimes get carried away in my star-struck love of j2. and i am a tinhat so well :) and now they look to be really good and taking a break from here was well worth it <3

''You are lovely, btw, you seem very kind and I enjoy your blog very much! much love!'' i love u so much hope u have a great day !