#'she's selfish she wanted to choose sonic over the world!' and so what if she is selfish? she's a princess of a royal family

[nebucat]

elise critics annoy the fuck out of me tbh

[shadamyheadcanons]

I saw a while back you were asked what your favorite interpretations of Shadow and Amy were.

While I don’t disagree (haven’t played heroes so can’t comment there, but have beat SA2) I was curious on your views over Sonic 06 version of Shadow? Ignoring the heavy problems with the game itself, I’m personally a heavy fan of the VA and how he acts.

It may be selfish of me… but I kinda wish Amy got more interactions with Shadow instead of Silver. I get WHY they did it, but I feel like it could of been nice to have them reunite and maybe even contrast the end of SA2 y’know?

First post about my favorite Shadow & Amy portrayals, SA2 and Heroes

Follow-up about Sonic Battle and Sonic Chronicles

I love both Shadow AND Amy in that game!

06 Shadow in particular has been getting a ton of interest in the past few years, and it’s wonderful to see. I considered including it in that first post about my favorites. 06 being such a failure gameplay-wise really screwed things up for the series for a long time. Sega learned all the wrong lessons. No more humans apart from Eggman. No more dark, serious plotlines. One-dimensional characters. No playable characters apart from Sonic in mainline games. None of the others can talk to anyone but Sonic. Obviously there were exceptions to this, but the series lost so much. Sonic 06 is older than most Sonic fans, but we’re only just now getting all of that back with Frontiers, IDW, etc.

This would have been bad enough on its own, but coming off the heels of Sonic 06, it hurt that much more. Sega decided Team Dark weren’t friends directly after their most poignant interactions. Shadow knew who he was. He knew what was important. And he knew he could trust the best friends by his side. When’s the last time he was so self-assured? That’s the downside of the 06 timeline being erased in the end. We know Shadow and Team Dark’s potential, but he doesn’t remember any of it.

That said, I’m ultimately still glad it’s erased. I’d hate for Shadow to go through life knowing the humans would reprogram his own best friend to hunt him down and lock him up forever. It says great things about Shadow, but it makes me like the humans a lot less.

It’s thanks to 06 that I consider Shadow to be the biggest hero in the franchise. This clip encompasses everything that makes his heroism unique:

“If the world chooses to become my enemy...I will fight like I always have.”

Iconic. Badass. I love the way he drops his inhibitors as he talks. This is Jason Griffith’s delivery at its best.

Sonic fights to protect his friends and the planet he calls home, along with the humans and Mobians who all love him, but there are SO MANY people who’ve treated Shadow like filth, and he still protects them. There’s no one else in canon who’s that selfless, and I also like that 06 doesn’t lean on Maria as the reason he does all this. Shadow himself is a good person and does good things for his own reasons, not just because she told him to.

Heroes proved this, too. Shadow didn’t even remember Maria in that game, but he still made the right call. Maria’s important, but she’s not the only reason he’s a good person.

Jason Griffith does a very good job as Shadow here and elsewhere, but David Humphrey is and always will be my favorite Shadow VA. If Jason is an A-rank, David is S-ranked. I’d be thrilled to have either of them back.

You’ll never see me judge anyone for wanting more Shadow/Amy interactions. I’ve thought the same thing with 06, and I love the Silver/Amy bits, too. She has an adorable scene with him AND starts him on the path to redemption. It’s the Amy Rose Special. I also like how she and Shadow inadvertently worked together to turn him around. Amy raised a question Silver hadn’t thought to ask, and Shadow showed him the answer.

But what this demonstrates to me is that this didn’t have to be an either/or situation.

It would’ve been nice for Amy to reunite with Silver and see how he turned things around. They were both there for the final battle, but they didn’t speak to each other. What if they’d had a scene with all three of them together? I hypothesized about that possibility in headcanon #99.

Side note: I just want to say that I think Amy is great in 06. She has the same cute accidental hug/elevator speech combo she used to turn Shadow around in SA2, but people sleep on it in 06 for some reason. On top of that, a lot of fans willfully misinterpret one particular line of hers. And anyone who knows Sonic 06 knows which one that is.

“If I had to choose between the world and Sonic, I would choose Sonic!”

I’ve seen so many people say she’s a dumb, ridiculous fangirl for this, and I can’t stand it. She’s not saying the rest of the world doesn’t matter, she’s saying that she has so much faith in Sonic as a person that she’d take his side even if the rest of the world said he was wrong. And, uh...she has good reason to! It’s not the first time he’s been falsely accused of something. It’s like these fans conveniently forgot what happened in SA2 the second they saw an opportunity to hurl insults at Amy.

You know what Amy’s line reminds me of most?

“Even if you believe everyone in the world will be against you, know that I’ll always remain by your side. Remember that.”

Yeah. That line everyone loves about ultimate loyalty for someone you care about. The line that many consider to be Rouge’s best. The only difference is that Rouge is a calm young adult talking about a friend, while Amy was an upset young girl whose feelings were too big for careful phrasing and restraint. Combine that with how much hate there was for her at the time, and you have a great, dedicated line absolutely drowned in ice-cold, bad faith takes from the fandom. And Silver needed that fervor to make him question Mephiles, too! It had to be her! It was because he saw how strongly she felt about Sonic that he started having second thoughts. You think a calm statement like Rouge’s could have made him back down from attempted murder?

Much like with Shadow in SA2, it had to be Amy. 06 did a great job with her. Some fans still need to wise up about it. They’ve been recognizing how awesome 06 Shadow is, so maybe, just maybe, they’ll do the same for Amy someday.

[thelediz]

I'm re-reading your characterisation and dynamics analysis posts, and got the sudden urge to ask you about your thoughts on Amy Rose, bc I honestly *loved her* in the Lost Prince. How Sonic talks about how she made him look beyond the bigger picture to the individual lives saved? Her conversation with Bartleby about what it's like to love someone who will dedicate the rest of their lives to a bigger cause? They both live in my brain rent free, and I *wish* canon wrote her half as well as you did bc I honestly find her *really freaking annoying* in the videogames lol.

YOU ENABLER.

Amy Rose is LOVE AND LIFE. Thank you so much for the opportunity to gush about her.

Now, I get it. I get why you would find her annoying. But I love this girl so much for exactly the reasons that most people find her annoying.

Because Amy Rose is PASSION.

She feels EVERYTHING so passionately and so deeply and it encompasses her. She knows what she wants and she will fight for it, damn the consequences. She will not accept compromise, and she WILL get her happy ending.

Now, it is so easy to make this problematic, because that passion is both her greatest strength and her biggest flaw. She's stubborn, she's selfish, she will literally choose her desires over the rest of the world. And I do mean literally - I fully believed her when she told Silver she'd choose Sonic over the world. She does not care about wrong or right, she is going after what she wants, and you will either get on board or you will get the hell out of her way.

But here's the thing... the one thing Amy Rose wants more than anything in the world is happiness. Not just her own, but yours too. She wants amazing things for everyone she meets. She wants everyone to be free and happy and loved, and to feel love, and to aim for their own passions with all the strength and determination that she has for hers.

And yeah, sometimes that means she's going to get into conflict with people she cares about. Sometimes, she's going to do things that make her seem like the bad guy. She is not the person who will sacrifice her happiness for the sake of the world.

Amy Rose is the person who will get out her hammer and demand to know who the hell you think you are to make her have to choose.

And for the record? She'll be having both, thanks.

That's why I'm always a little sad when people try and soften her, or 'mature her' by calming her down. I don't want Amy to be mature, or responsible, or level headed. Amy is wild passion, for life, and love, and looking into the future and finding your path within it.

To me, when I think about Amy, I think that everyone matters. Everything matters.

And Amy will fight for all of it.

How could I not love this problematic little hedgehog?

[themetalvirus]

what did you think of sonic prime/have you watched it? i started it but then stopped cause. idk i forgot it was probably adhd but im thinking abt picking it up again

i only watched thru it once, maybe twice when it dropped (which is odd for me because usually i watch stuff pertaining to special interests MANY times over) (glances at the twitter takeovers pensively)

but i would 100% recommend watching the whole thing. i would say the pilot is the absolute weakest episode, and i'd say the show as it exists (no season 1b) still hasn't grown its beard and become the full version of itself it could be.

the setup in season 1a (what is currently released and labeled as "season 1") is honestly really great. some folks don't like the more immature aspects of the way sonic is written, and i personally find it odd that part of his character arc is learning to appreciate his friends, but despite the sometimes ham-fisted For Babies writing it's still fun

it's worth watching just so you can get to knuckles the dread. please appreciate my boy knuckles the dread.

also rusty rose is an amazing character and i want to see more of her so bad, she's my main blorbo in sonic prime. it makes me INSANE how she 100% still has the capability for love and kindness and heroics but she has been so thoroughly roboticized that she is just being puppeted around for evil

plus, when nine hacks into her and turns her "good", SHE IS STILL NOT IN CONTROL OF HER DECISIONS. she is still under the control of someone else... this time, nine. i hope they go the route of giving her ALL of her free will back.

if she chooses evil because it's what she's known for so long, my egghogs-loving ass will be excited. if she chooses to be with the good guys and fight for justice, i will also be happy because she broke free of her chains. if she becomes an independent player with her own goals that'd also be so cool

also, nine only gets better as the "season" goes on. he's really deeply interesting, and (sorry) i (sorry) prefer him (sorry) over canon main timeline tails (SORRY). he's interesting, he's rough around the edges, and i'm really interested in what they do with him while he's [spoilers redacted]

like. he is so lonely and needs to form proper friendships so he can grow past the trauma he has endured. he also is much more comfortable with what he knows, which is selfish pessimism. i think that's another interesting character conflict. I HAVE A TYPE.

anyway would recommend giving it another try, it just gets progressively better over time and it has some really great characterization moments, especially towards the end of the jungle world. i love how this show handles amy in general. she's so good

[sage-nebula]

Maybe at some point the Big Bad of the fic (high priestess of the cult, a motherly-type*, fully employs Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss with actual gaslighting techniques because the point of the fic might not be to teach the internet what actual gaslighting is, but that would be a bonus) and Sonic have a confrontation, and she (fully believing this) tells him that the sacrifice of who Tails is so their god can walk the earth again is better for the entire planet, for the entire world, this is for the greater good, and Sonic's just like, "Even if I did believe that, which I don't, I don't give a fuck. Hand over my brother."

And she's like, "You don't care about the world? You'd value one boy over the entire planet? You're selfish!"

And Sonic is just like, okay. You know what? Maybe he is. Maybe he is selfish, to know that even if this was a case where Tails dying would benefit the world, Sonic would still choose to keep his little brother alive even despite that. But you know what? Sonic has given up a lot to protect this world. And he's never complained, and never would, and never asked for anything in return. So maybe he is being selfish by saying, you know what, he loves his little brother, and he loves having a little brother, and he doesn't want to give him up, not for anything. And if that's selfish, so be it. He'll be selfish. But after everything he's given up and everything he's done, he's goddamn earned the right to be selfish just this once, about this one thing.

So on that note, he's really not asking. Hand over his brother. Now.

Look, maybe I just want to write a fic about this insular mountain community that houses a religious cult built around murals depicting their god as a beast with multiple tails and the belief that one day their god will be reborn in such a body—

And maybe Tails comes across this community in his solo travels and they see him and think he MUST be The One and so they drug and abduct him with the intent on "cleansing his mind" so his body can be used as a vessel for their god—

And maybe Sonic gets the idea that something is wrong when Tails doesn't send a weekly check-in email for 3 weeks even though Sonic sent multiple emails poking him to, saying, "an emoji would be enough bud just lmk ur ok"—

And caught in the middle of all of this is a 14yo girl raised in this community who has doubts but is TERRIFIED of what those doubts could mean and of also losing her community and her family, and who also maybe maces Sonic the first time he tries to get information from her because no one in the community admits to ever seeing Tails ever in their lives but he figures she knows something, and he's right but she panics and maces him, oops.

Maybe I just want to write a fic like this.

[project-shadow]

do you agree with what people say about IDW Sonic? That he's nothing like the game version, and that hes selfish and lets his enemies go without just punishment?

I've seen this take quite often, and even got some questions about this on Discord.

The short answer; No, I do not agree with that statement.

The long answer?

I don't see why people seek to compare the Comics Sonic with the Game Sonic. They're not the same universe, first of all, and second of all, Ian Flynn, who wrote for Archie after Ken Penders left and currently writes for IDW, is also the writer of Sonic Origins and Sonic Frontiers. He's been writing for Sonic longer than most people in the fandom have even been consuming Sonic media (from 2006-present)

If you hate Sonic's characterization, then you've hated him in any paper media since 2006. And some people prefer Archie over IDW (another take I do not agree with)

If there's any version of Sonic that was selfish, it was definitely Archie era Sonic. He was admittedly a poorly written character, mostly because he was written as infallible most of the times.

IDW Sonic is nothing like Archie Sonic, and probably the closest to the games as we're going to get (excluding Frontiers Sonic, of whom we don't have much information on character wise)

IDW Sonic goes through phases. Yes, he lets his enemies go, but he doesn't do so to the point of "letting them go without punishment". The punishment Sonic gives his enemies is the battle they engage in. And some of his enemies are sent to prison/hauled off to other planets/etc. None of his enemies escape "unscathed" except arguably Eggman. And this itself is explained in the comics.

After the battle that caused Eggman to lose his memories, he became Mr. Tinker. Shadow had come seeking Eggman out to kill him. Literally, he wanted to kill Eggman. Or at the very least, imprison him. The reason why Sonic stopped Shadow wasn't because he was sparing his enemy. He was literally sparing an innocent man. Mr. Tinker had lost all of his memories. He knew nothing of his time as Eggman, and was still dead set on repenting for a side of himself that he didn't even remember. He helped people, built rides for children, and even created Belle, the antithesis to Metal Sonic.

Sonic tells Shadow that if no one is worth redemption and should be killed, then why was it okay for Shadow to be running around free? Shadow understood the logic behind this and allowed Mr. Tinker to continue on. The only reason why this becomes a problem is because Starline (whom no one knew of at the time) wanted to bring back Eggman. He kidnapped Mr. Tinker and tortured him until he became Eggman again, which directly leads into the Metal Virus arc.

In the Metal Virus arc, Sonic is one of the first people to get infected. And Sonic blames HIMSELF for everything that happens in that arc. He apologizes to the victims, he apologizes to Tails and Amy. He even shows some signs of survivor's guilt/depression, because Sonic realizes that if he had killed/imprisoned Eggman or let Shadow handle Tinkerer, none of this would have happened. The world as he knew it and everyone he loved were potentially going to die because Sonic made the wrong call. How in the world can anyone say that's selfish? Or that he doesn't care about his friends or the world he protects everyday with his life?

And in the Surge arc, Sonic thinks back on his mistakes and the villains he deals with, and STILL CHOOSES TO SPARE SURGE. Surge owes Sonic NOTHING. She wants to kill and replace him. And Sonic still chooses her life and her happiness over everything. Because that's the kind of person he is. He doesn't want her blood on his hands, he doesn't want to be the kind of hero who kills his enemies. He wants to be the kind of hero who always extends a helping hand no matter who the person is.

Sonic the Hedgehog believes in love and friendship. He believes no one is truly evil, and as long as he can be there for someone, hold their hand, show them that there's always going to be a home and a friend waiting there, that he can change their life for the better and in turn, make the world they live in a better place.

Sonic is someone who suffered so much and saw so many people he cares about suffer, and still choses love as his weapon of choice. Not violence, not murder. Love.

How can you sit there and truly think someone like that is selfish?

[melancholydreadfuldream]

find my way back to you

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: 11th Doctor x Reader & 12th Doctor x Reader

Summary: A visit from the Twelfth Doctor turned your life upside down.

Warning: ooc, angst, plot holes, etc

    You giggled at something the Eleventh Doctor said. He beamed at you adorably.

  "So, this is me." You said as they arrived on the front porch of where you lived. You smiled at him. "Thank you, Doctor, I have fun today."

  He smiled. "T-that's great. I, there is still so much I can show you." He said.

  You smiled and kissed one of his cheek. "See you next Tuesday, Doctor." You whispered and then with a giggle, you turned and hopped inside. You turned again and waved him goodbye.

  The Doctor is touching the cheek where you kissed him. He has this adorable look on his face. He waved back at you before he too burst into a giggle and left.

  7777

  You entered the house and covered your mouth to stop the burst of squealing out of you. You can't wait to call Clara and tell her all about it. You moved to turn the lamp near the door and screamed when you saw a figure seated comfortably on one of your sofa.

 You quickly tried to pull open the door to run and maybe called out the Doctor but to your horror, you realized the door somehow locked by itself. In your panic, you didn't noticed the figure had pulled out a sonic screwdriver which is the reason why you are trapped with him.

  You screamed for the Doctor as you tried to get the door to open but it was futile.

  "Don't bother screaming. I have put a soundproof barrier within the house." He said.

  Resigned to your fate that you're trapped, you turned around to face him. "W-who are you? What do you want with me?"

  He raised an eyebrow. "Really?" He gestured on the sonic screwdriver on his hand. 

  You blinked at him. You observed him. The man is a bit old but still handsome in his own way. He was dressed in black with a hoodie. You turned my gaze at the sonic screwdriver on his hand. "D-Doctor?" Clara told you about regeneration. She only knew because she jumped into his timeline and saw his many past incarnations' faces. You can hardly believe it but here he was.

  "I'm sure Clara has told you all about regeneration, correct? And I'm sure, if I remember correctly, my past self has also told you some about it."

  You nodded mutely. 

  "Good, then you can relax now, I'm not going to harm you." He said. 

  "When?"

  "Pardon?"

  "When will he regenerate into you?" You asked. "What happened?"

  He stared at you with a look that you can't decipher. "Spoiler."

  You sighed at his word. "Why are you here?"

  "I need your help."

  "Me?"

  "Yes, the future of the universe depends on it."

  You stared at him in disbelief. "Are you sure you need my help, not Clara?"

  He rolled his eyes at you. "Right, I forgot that this you are still filled with insecurities."

  You glared at him.

  "This does involve Clara. But, you are the only one who can fix this." He said.

  "How do you mean?"

  "Next Tuesday, he...me...your doctor is going to come and ask you out for a date. You will reject him and break his hearts."

  You are stunned. "W-what? Why would I do that?"

  He didn't reply for a second. He gave you a look that tell you he's trying to be patient.

  Your mouth dropped open when you realized what he meant. "You're kidding me. The future of the universe depend on me breaking your...his hearts?"

  He didn't say anything, just shrugged.

  "Why?" You asked.

  "Does it matter?"

  "Yes, because you're asking me to hurt him...and I never would do that to him, to you!" You demanded.

  His eyes softened at what you said. "I didn't take this decision lightly, you know. But I have calculate everything within my timeline and this point in time is where the changes must be made."

  "I don't understand."

  "Of course you don't."

  "Doctor! Stop being vague and tell me!" You demanded.

  "So bossy. Clara taught you well." His expression is torn between annoyance and fondness.

  "Doctor, just tell me. You...you are crossing your own timestream and it is all to make sure that we would never get together? Do you hate me that much?"

  "I don't hate you, (name), in fact it was the opposite." He said with a solemn look. "But this is what needed to happen now. Your future-self agreed to it."

  "My what?"

  He rolled his eyes at you. "Keep up with me, (name), I know you can do it."

  "But..." You are confused and you hated it. "No."

  "No?"

  "No. I won't do it. I don't care my future self agreed to whatever this is. I'm not going to break his hearts. Because that would meant I have to break my own too. Why would I do that? And don't tell me the future of the universe depend on it. I need more reason than that!"

  "That wasn't enough?" He asked almost mockingly.

  "Stop that! You are trying to hurt me. You are trying to make me hate you. Why would you do that?"

  He sighed. "It wasn't my intention." He walked toward you. His hand moved to reach your hair but he only hovers over it. "You're making this really hard, (name)."

  "Well, if you are asking me to sacrifice my feeling for you then I deserve a thorough explanation as to why that is." You pleaded.

  He shook his head. "Your future self did warn me you will be difficult about this."

  "Well, you should have listen to her." You said petulantly.

  He chuckled. "I am." He sighed and he put his hands over your face. "Let me show you." He told you to close your eyes and you did. He put his forehead over yours and a series of images beamed directly inside your mind.

  You gasped as you felt overwhelmed with the images, no, memories and the emotion that came along with it. You blacked out.

  7777

  You sat in front of the huge windows in your room. Tears falling on your cheeks. You understand now...somewhat. You didn't want to but now that you know, it would be selfish of you to pursue a relationship with the Doctor with what's at stake. But what you still have a hard time of accepting is the fact the Doctor has to have a romantic relationship with Clara.

  You and Clara are best friend since childhood. You and her almost always share the same love interest time and time again. Of course you know Clara also fancy the Doctor. Who wouldn't? But the thing is your love interest always choose Clara over you time and time again...until the Doctor. You can hardly believe it when the Doctor choose you over Clara despite her being his impossible girl. You and Clara had agreed to remain friend regardless who the Doctor choose. And so far, Clara has been very supportive of the two of you.

  And now, the future Doctor is telling you to give up on the Doctor and make it so his past-self divert his feeling toward Clara. How is that fair? Why does it have to be her? You know, of course you know, Clara is the Doctor's best match, more than you. It still hurts though.

  The Doctor need Clara to be by his side. But she won't be if you are the one the Doctor choose. She still traveled with the Doctor apparently but she won't make the right choice when the time come, not without her strong feeling for the Doctor. And that was when everything spiraled out of control which led the future Doctor and your future self agreed to change their past for the sake of the world. You wanted to call bullshit on that but you know you won't.

  The future Doctor were also there in your room but he made no move to console you, choosing to give you some space to sort your cluttering thoughts.

  "So, what do we do now?" You finally asked with a hoarse voice as you turned to him still with glassy eyes.

  The Doctor took a breathe of relief which made you blinked, realizing that he must have worried for you and how you will cope with it.

  You forced yourself to smile weakly at him.

  He started explaining what you will have to do to break his past-self hearts and ensure he won't try to pursue you.

  "Are you saying I should make him hate me and stop travelling with him?"

  "Hate is too much a strong word. You just have to make yourself less desirable to him." He said. 

  "By purposely making a mistake that will make him think less of me?"

  He didn't reply. "I know this is hard."

  "Do you?"

  "You think this is easy for me? I love you, (name)." He said. "In the future where I came from, we are married. We are happy but we agreed to save Clara. She was our best friend."

  You hitched a breath at his confession. You also felt ashamed because he is right, Clara is your best friend. Doing this will also save her from her fate. Why are you hesitating? Are you really this selfish? You took a deep breathe. "What do I have to do?"

  7777

  The next few days are hard for you. The future Doctor made a lot of plan in order to ensure the break up is permanent. He has blackboard where he wrote his plan and explained it over and over to you until you can't get it wrong.

  On Tuesday, the Doctor come for you and you turned him down quite cruelly, telling him you don't have time for him right now. He looked like a kicked puppy. And then you and the future Doctor made plan to make sure Clara will stay with the Doctor and have adventure together.

  The future Doctor took you to go wherever the Doctor and Clara goes with his vortex manipulator to plot a series of events making sure that it will drive them closer and intimate.

  You hated every second of it as you watched the manipulated scene unfold just as the future Doctor predicted. He is quite the match-maker. You could see it, the undeniable attraction between the Doctor and Clara.

  But to her credit, Clara refused to fall into temptation knowing full well that the Doctor is currently interested in you.

  Then, come the part that you hated. The future Doctor instructed you to travel with the Doctor and Clara to a planet where he has designed a fake conflict. That will be the place where you will make your Doctor see your 'true color'. You will have to act still in character to avoid suspicion and that you are not under duress. The future Doctor did indeed know you well. The mistake you are supposed to make is actually something that you can see committed based on your own flaw.

  And the Doctor is disappointed in you so much he dropped you home immediately. Clara can only stared at you with pity but she made no move to defend you.

  You got inside your home and broke down crying. The future Doctor stared at you with a look of pain. You rushed into his arms without thinking and hugged him tight. He hugged you back, rubbing your back to console you.

  7777

  "Were you really happy with the other me?" You asked suddenly as you both sat cuddled together on the floor.

  "I am. We are." He replied.

  "You said we are married."

  "We are. We got a ring and everything. Clara is my best man."

  "You mean she is my maid of honor, don't you?"

  "No, she is my best man."

  "She is a woman."

  "So?"

  You chuckled. "I wish I could see it."

  "You can...if you want. I can share you my memory of that day."

  You eagerly accepted his offering.

  He hesitated. "I don't think this is a good idea. Why torture yourself with things that will never happen now?"

  You sniffed. "Just call it my payment or whatever. Please. I need to see it, our would-be future together."

  He sighed. "As you wish." He said as he pulled you closer to him.

  You closed your eyes, preparing to see a lifetime worth of memories of your would-be future with the Doctor.

  "I become immortal?" You asked in shock.

  "Yes, you were dying and I had to save you. I wasn't prepared to lose you. And the Mire technology is there to be taken advantage of so I did."

  "We could have forever."

  He didn't respond. Eventually, he said, "Now you can have a normal life, meeting a man that can properly love you, have a bunch of kid and grow old together."

  "I never wanted that. I only ever want you." You said, clutching his face in your hands.

  He sighed. "Don't, (name), you will only make yourself suffer more."

  "And you...?"

  He shrugged. "I will vanish, cease to exist."

  "And you are fine with that?"

  He didn't reply.

  We are interrupted by the sound of wheezing Tardis which made you panic.

  "What do we do?" You asked him as they both stand up, staring from the living room window the sight of the Eleventh Doctor and Clara walking toward your house. He was mumbling to himself while Clara pushes him toward your house. "Doctor, what do we do?" You asked again.

  The Twelfth Doctor glanced at you with a look you can't decipher and then he suddenly pulled you close to him. He kissed you hard and you instinctively responded to the passionate kiss as if your life depend on it.

  He broke the kiss and you both turned to see the look of brokenhearted look on the other Doctor's face. Without a word, he turned and went back on the Tardis. Clara stared at you with disapproval before she, too, turned to chase after the Doctor.

  So, this is it. Tears started to fall from your cheeks. It finally is done. You lost the both of them.

  7777

  It was midnight. 

  You both are waiting.

  "It worked." The future Doctor suddenly said.

  Your heart almost jumped into your throat, choking you good. You glanced at him.

  "My memory is changing..." He said almost in awe before he turned to you with a sad look. "I'm sorry, (name)."

  "Doctor..." You whispered brokenly. You stood up and reached out toward him, nearly falling as you did so.

  He caught you in his arms.

  "No." You whispered. "Don't go. Please don't leave me."

  He looked sad. He kissed your forehead. "Hang in there, (name) (last name), you will be fine. In fact, I know you will be amazing. Even without the Doctor."

  You clutched his arms, unwilling to let him go.

  He remained in your arms until he vanished without a trace, leaving you on your own.

  You cried even wailing as you cry your heart out.

  7777

  The Doctor never come back for you.

  Clara did come to you and demanded explanation about the old man she saw kissed you that night.

  You told her you had come to your sense and realized that you and the Doctor are not compatible. "He's an alien. It will never work for us."

  "That man you are with is too old for you. Where did you even met him?" Clara asked.

  You snorted. "The Doctor is a thousand more older than him."

  Eventually, Clara admitted to start having relationship with the Doctor and asked you how you feel about that.

  You forced an ignorant smile and told her to go for it.

  She look disappointed in you and she left.

  She only contacted you via phone or chat after that. You never saw the Doctor again.

  7777

  Years passed by, you think. You have your up and down in coping against the loss of the Doctor and Clara but you make do. The memory of the would-be future of you and the Doctor still lives inside you, comforting you on the most loneliest night. You tried to move on from the Doctor a few times, dating someone but it never worked out.

  One day though Clara appeared in your front porch, angry at you.

  "The Doctor has regenerated." She said. "Guess who he regenerated into?" She glared at you angrily.

  You flinched.

  "He has the face of that old man you kissed that night years ago!!" She yelled. "Explain that to me, (name)! That man, he was the Doctor, wasn't he? What was he doing there?"

  You weren't prepared for this confrontation at all. "Did he realize it?" You asked instead.

  Clara stiffened and shook her head. "I think he blocked that night out of his mind. I don't think he gets a good look on that man that night. But I did." She turned to you furiously. "What was going on that night? Tell me! The truth!" She demanded.

  You sighed as you sat down. You told her everything.

  Clara shook her head in disbelief. "Why didn't you tell me?"

  "He said not to. For this to worked out, you must never know. He said you would be unwilling otherwise."

  "He would be right." Clara said. She turned to you. "The Doctor and I broke up."

  You stared at her in shock. "What?! Why?"

  "He is the one who break it up. He said he's too old for me."

  "And you didn't fight for him?"

  "You didn't either!"

  "I had no choice!"

  "Well, now you do. You can have him back."

  "Clara Oswald, I can't believe you would say that to me."

  "Well, he is yours in the first place."

  "But he choose you."

  "No, he was manipulated to choose me. By you! And by the other Doctor!" Clara said angrily. "He never love me. Not as much as he loves you."

  You flinched. "That is not true." You said firmly. "I don't know what happened between you and the Doctor but he loves you. I know he does."

  "Well, how do you know that? You haven't met us for so long! You didn't know what was it like!"

  "Were you happy with him?"

  She didn't reply for a second before she nodded.

  "Then, what's went wrong?"

  "He regenerated and he's changed. He doesn't want me anymore." She said. "And frankly, after what I know now, I don't know what to feel."

  "Just give him time, Clara. You did say he just regenerated. Maybe he still need to sort thing out in his mind." You consoled her. "He did choose you. And he never once come for me. That should be enough for you to hold on to."

  "How can you be okay with this?"

  "I wasn't okay at first. But it's been years, Clara, I moved on."

  Clara stared at you. "I'm so sorry. I should have known. I should have been there for you."

  "The Doctor needs you more."

  She sighed. "I have to come back to sort thing out with him."

  "Okay."

  "You are lying, aren't you?"

  "W-what?"

  "You still have feeling for him."

  "Your arrival just make me nostalgic, that's all." You lied.

  She hummed. "I'm gonna tell him the truth."

  Your eyes widened. "You can't!"

  "Why not?"

  "What was the point?" You asked. "You are just going to make him feel guilty. Why would you do that to him? You know how he is. Don't add this burden on him." You pleaded.

  Clara eventually agreed to keep it a secret.

  7777

  You can't believe this is happening. You were kidnapped on your way to work. They blindfolded you and pushed you into a room and forced you to sit in a chair as they tied you up.

  Someone is yapping sarcastically at your kidnapper. You frowned as you felt like you recognized the voice. Your blindfold is lifted and your eyes widened as you saw the Twelfth Doctor sitting in front of you, also tied up.

  He look as surprised as you. He didn't seem to recognize you at first. "Why is she here?"

  "According to our record..." The robotic voice of your kidnapper sounded above you making you flinched. "...(name) (last name) is your companion."

  The Doctor snorted. "You need to updated your record. She is no longer my companion. I disown her."

  You flinched at the disdain in his voice.

  "If you are trying to make me comply with you using her, you have taken the wrong person." He said nonchalantly.

  You felt like crying but you bite your lips to stop yourself. "He's right. I didn't even know who he is." You said.

  "He is the Doctor." Your kidnapper said.

  You stared at the Doctor.

  He shrugged, thinking you didn't believe that he is the Doctor. "I regenerated."

  Your kidnapper designed a twisted game where the both of you have to tell the truth or risk electrocution. He called the Doctor bluff about not caring for you.

  The Doctor, not wanting to hurt you, answered as best and as flat as he can be. He was good at telling lies. You know this. But you are not. So, when asked whether you have feeling for him, you tried to lie but that caused the Doctor a pain of electrocution.

  "Okay, you won. I still have feeling for the Doctor, okay?!" You screamed. You turned to the Doctor with tears in your eyes. "You. It is always you. I never stop loving you."

  The Doctor's mouth dropped open as he glanced at you with confusion and disbelief. "But you are with another man. I saw him that night."

  "You stupid Doctor. Remember that night! See him! Really see him!" You shouted.

  He frowned. He was silent for a long while. His eyes widened as he finally pieced it together. "W-what? That man...that was me? B-but..."

  "I'm so sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. But I have no choice. You told me to, future you." You said, finally letting the worm out of the can and once you do, you can't stop revealing everything.

  He look like he wanted to throw up. He desperately trying to comprehend what you are telling him.

  7777

  Once you and the Doctor are able to get out of the hostage situation, he grabbed you aside, demanding explanation.

  "And you believe him?" He asked in anger.

  "He showed me what happened!" You yelled, defending your action.

  He frowned. He stalked toward you, grabbing you harshly. "Show me." He demanded.

  You stared at him before slowly nodded your consent.

  He closed his eyes as he put his hands to cup your face.

  You closed your eyes and brought out the memories of the days of the future Doctor was with you. You accidentally showed him your would-be future with him.

  He gasped as he released you. He took a few step back away from you. He looked at loss at what to do.

  "Doctor?"

  "You should have told me." He said brokenly.

  "But you told me not to."

  "How can you trust him over me?!" He yelled at you.

  "He is you!" You yelled back. 

  He shook his head and left you behind...again.

  You took a deep breathe trying to calm yourself despite the tears.

  7777

  "Clara Oswald, I hate you." You said as you glared at her. You found out she is the one who staged the kidnapping of you and the Doctor with the help of the Doctor's former companion, Jack Harkness.

  "Now you know how it feel to be manipulated." She said petulantly.

  "You are going to ruin him." You said.

  "He will be fine. He will come to his sense eventually."

  "He might never forgive me."

  "Then he is very foolish." She said. "I just want to fix us, our friendship. No more secret."

  "No more secret." You agreed.

  "So, the threat that alternate Doctor has passed by, there is nothing stopping you to be with him again, (name)."

  "Not this again. What about you, Clara? You love him."

  She hummed. "I think you loves him more." She said.

  "That's not true. You saved the Doctor over and over again. You even died for him again and again. If that's not love..."

  "Alright enough, let's not start comparing who love who more, yeah?"

  "You started it."

  7777

  You sat on your front porch staring at the night sky on your own.

  The Doctor suddenly appeared and walked toward you slowly, almost hesitantly.

  You glanced at him cautiously. You slowly stood up and met him half-way. "Doctor...?"

  He glanced down at you with a look you can't decipher. Suddenly he pulled you to him and hugged you tight.

  You were surprised. But you hugged him back. "I thought Clara said you are not a hugging person anymore."

  "Shut up." He said.

  You smiled and hugged him tight. You closed your eyes in content.

    "one step closer

closer to the light

no matter where we're going

i'll be by your side

and everything we used to know

crashed into the great unknown

one step closer

we're gonna be alright."

find my way back - eric arjes

    a/n: this is very mushy and probably cringe-worthy too. not original ideas but i still enjoy writing it so i hope you enjoy reading it too. please drop comments if you like it.

also, i wanna says thank you to those who follow my blog and has dropped like/comment/reblog on my past stories. thank you so much, dears.

[themysteriousgirl920]

A Chance to be Happy - Sonic IDW fanfic

Shadow wants to eliminate Eggman, but Sonic manages to calm him down with a more careful choice of words. (Alternate take on a scene from Sonic IDW Issue 6)

Enjoy. :-)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sonic the Hedgehog, known by many as the fastest thing alive, is up against the wall. Or, in this case, the tree. He made no attempt to break free from the firm grip of his ebony and crimson counterpart, Shadow the Hedgehog.

Shadow was known by many as the Ultimate Life Form, and he had sought to find and destroy the mad scientist responsible for the repetitive devastation of Sonic's world. Evil acts that consisted of blowing up 50% of the moon, literally splitting the world apart to release a nefarious monster and using a machine to steal the life force from the planet.

Another act to add to the list of evil deeds would be taking over the majority of the world within six months. Something that, by a miracle, took a short amount of time to undo.

The dark hedgehog had just been convinced of all the good deeds the man had performed to help the heroes, but those few good deeds were not enough to erase the evil deeds he had committed time and time again.

Earlier, Shadow learned that the man was no longer the evil Dr Eggman and, in his amnesiac state, is now a reformed citizen turned handyman known as Mr Tinker. However, speaking from personal experience, having amnesia doesn't make anyone any less dangerous.

Once Mr Tinker regains all his memories, he will – sooner or later – revert to the man he had once been: a scientist who had been constantly squandering his given gifts and skills for his own selfish desires. With one final attempt to dissuade his blue counterpart from making a huge mistake, Shadow was the first to speak.

"Have you forgotten that he made you suffer? That he's tried to destroy you - multiple times? How can you even suggest leniency for him after all that?"

The azure hedgehog pondered on Shadow's statement regarding the mad scientist's despicable deeds. On one hand, Eggman has continually and consistently made the inhabitants of the world quiver in fear upon witnessing his arrival. In spite of his constant failures, he would always return once again in an attempt to rule the world as he sees fit.

On the other hand, Eggman has helped the heroes save the day from time to time. Why would Eggman want to help the heroes, though? Is it because deep down he truly cares about the world? Or is it possible that Eggman is simply using the heroes' abilities to increase his own chances of conquering the world?

If anything, it would most certainly be the latter. This is Eggman, after all. Except… Eggman isn't Eggman anymore. In the current state he is in, he is now known as Mr Tinker, a kind-hearted man who would finally use his talents for the benefit of the people. Who are the heroes to deny him the chance to do so?

Sonic finally found the words he needed to say, needed the hedgehog standing before him to hear. "Because I choose to believe that Eggman, in spite of all the things he has done, isn't beyond saving."

The ebony hedgehog slightly raised his furrowed brow. Not beyond saving? How is this even possible? Why choose to forgive the very person who deserves to be punished? This is the man who had committed numerous crimes in the past and hadn't even attempted to atone for any of them!

This is the man who had taken over most of the world within six months! This is the man who had tortured Sonic non-stop for those six months! How is he not beyond saving?

"You weren't beyond saving either, Shadow," Sonic continued. "With all the crazy stuff that happened in the past, you made up for it rather than allowing your past mistakes to define you."

Shadow knew Sonic was right. The former had committed past crimes of his own: framing the latter for theft, trying to destroy the world to avenge a dear friend, teaming up with an alien invader to uncover the secrets of his past, trying to rid the world of anyone trying to protect it… he was no better than Eggman is.

Yet he eventually saw the errors of his ways and sought to prevent the destruction of the world. Twice. Since then, he had sworn to protect the denizens of the world in any way he can. Shadow had changed for the better. He loosened his grip, his face remaining unchanged as he continued glaring daggers at the blue hedgehog.

"So who's to say that Eggman won't change for the better this time?"

Eggman changing for the better? Shadow chuckled mentally at the mere thought. He would have been rich beyond his wildest dreams for every time he heard that same old story.

"He has done good so far, from what I've heard," Sonic spoke again. "It may not be enough to make up for all the things he has done to us and the world, but it's a small step to redemption."

Doubt and worry crept up on the stern hedgehog's face. Would it really be wise to let Eggman, now known as Mr Tinker, be after performing a few good deeds? Sooner or later, he would be bound to backslide into his old ways as soon as he retrieves all memories of his former life.

The cerulean hedgehog spoke once more. "If he does get all his memories back, though, then let's just hope for the best that he would use all his skills for good instead of using them for evil. So what do you say, Shadow?"

Shadow stared deeply into the eyes of his azure rival. They were filled to the brim with hope and understanding. Not a sign of malice had been evident within them, for he knew that his dark counterpart had atoned for his mistakes and sought to change for the better.

Sonic knew about his past and why he sought revenge on the planet; his mind had been 'perfected' by his creator to help him avenge his granddaughter who had been lost to a raid, which was why Shadow believed she wanted revenge.

Why would Sonic, of all people, choose to spare his long-term arch-nemesis after everything he has done? No one had forgotten nor will they forget what the mad scientist had put them through: endless pain, despair and misery. If Eggman was to change for the better, though, he would have to abandon his former persona and stick with his new life.

Perhaps it would be best to let him enjoy his new way of living for as long as he can. This could be his chance to make up for his past misdeeds and start anew, just like Shadow did. Casting his fears aside, the dark hero finally displayed the face of composure.

"OK, Sonic. I trust you on this one." With a simple turn of his back, he paused for a moment, before turning his head to face Sonic. "I just hope that nothing bad comes out of it."

"Yeah, I hear you. Especially the part where he mentioned Eggmanland."

Fear struck the Black Blur like a lightning bolt to the head. His thoughts of Eggman's true intentions, rushing right in like a tidal wave.

"Shadow, wait!" But it was too late. The dark hedgehog had already vanished in a flash of light. Having effortlessly made his way to his destination, he saw Mr Tinker peeping out of a legged barricade of wood. The poor man flinched as his would-be assassin approached him with a look that could turn anyone into stone.

"Mr Tinker." The voice was a calm baritone, coaxing the handyman to look into the eyes of its owner.

"Y-yes?" the man stammered, fearing for his life.

"Show me. Show me what this Eggmanland looks like."

-------------------------------Page Break-------------------------------

It wouldn't be long before Eggmanland was finally revealed. A war between two sides raged within the Ultimate Life Form: one side persuading him to wait and see; the other pressuring him into stopping the former mad scientist from showing him what he had in store.

Shadow decided to wait and see the outcome of the handyman's work while Mr Tinker approached the building, unlocked the padlock and pushed the wooden barrier forward. Chills ran down the dark hero's spine. His heart pounded like a drum. His body burned intensely as his throat tightened up on him.

It was nothing like he had ever seen. It was Eggmanland… as an amusement park? The still corpses of Eggman's machines were now being used for children's rides, ranging from a rollercoaster to spinning make-shift teacups.

"Tah-daaah?" Mr Tinker uttered unsurely.

Shadow was dumbfounded at the sight. This was nothing like the Eggmanland he knew about. A gentle feminine voice called out to him. "Shadow?" No response.

"Shadow? Are you OK?" The face of a snow-white female bat came into view, her made-up face wrinkled with worry.

"Rouge… I…"

The bat smiled at him reassuringly.

"It's OK, Shadow," Rouge whispered audibly, resting her hand on his shoulder. Shadow gave her a slight smile.

"There's something I have to do before I leave. Mr Tinker." Shadow left his partner's side, slowly approaching the man who turned to him with a nervous smile.

"Um, yes?"

The dark hero sharply drew in air through his nose. "Mr Tinker, I apologise for my actions towards you. Threatening the life of an innocent man was inexcusable."

The handyman waved his hands in a forgiving gesture. "No hard feelings. I really don't remember any of the stuff I did in the past, but maybe I can atone for my past misdeeds. Whatever they may be."

"I'm sure you'll do just fine, speaking from experience." The two shared a heart-warming smile and formed a handshake, a symbol of a new start.

"Farewell, Mr Tinker. I wish you the best of luck in the future."

With a grateful nod from the reformed citizen, Shadow departed from Windmill Village, fully content with the new turn of events.

[sonicfanj]

A little while back I made a comment in regard to Sonic’s character not being understood and pointed out that he has the potential to be a “selfish hero”. Not surprisingly I was asked about what I meant so I’m going to tray and explain.

Before beginning though, I should note that I view Sonic as an adventurer first, and not a hero like most of his fans do. This creates completely different expectations out of his character and results in me seeing things very differently from others. For example, I disagree with the notion that Sonic lives to stop Eggman. To me, it’s simply something that happens and we see so much of it because those are the stories of his adventures that we are shown most commonly (I think Eggman has only missed one game that Sonic has been in so that kind of says something).

So, for my explanation I am going to try to stick to as few examples as possible, but I get a little long winded so apologies in advance.

To begin, let’s look at Sonic’s motivation to be a hero. Well, simply put he has none. That may seem a little short-sighted, especially in light of Sonic’s heroics, but the thing is, Sonic does not present himself as wanting to be a hero. If you ask Yuji Naka, Sonic’s favorite thing to do is run, and his running is spoiled if he doesn’t get a full eight hours of sleep. If you consider this Sonic’s constant lazing around makes sense as he’s trying to put himself in a mood to enjoy what he loves best. But for as hard as it seems for Sonic to get a good night’s sleep, which supposedly also makes him irritable, he still loves to adventure. When describing Amy’s character Hoshino has stated that Sonic’s mind is always on the next adventure or challenge. This is important as it tells us that Sonic is not thinking about who to help next. He is thinking about himself. In other words, he is being selfish, or he adventures to enjoy himself and his running, not to help people like most of his fans believe.

Naturally this raises the question of why does Sonic help people. That is a very easy question to answer, but it also reflects a bit on Sonic’s nature and his selfishness some more. Out of the gate, we are told that Sonic has a strong sense of judgement and a big heart. And we know how compassionate Sonic is. In case anyone has forgotten, though he bashed the poor guy in the brain a few times over, Sonic calmed a raging God of Destruction and desired to console it so it could live in peace. It takes a big heart to do that and Sonic has it. But he is also said to have a short temper (though it is rarely demonstrated) and that he can’t stand injustice and dislikes tears. At this point I would hope that a clearer picture of Sonic’s selfishness as a hero is starting to become clear, but as I’m explaining my viewpoint I’ll continue.

Making what will feel like a sudden jump, Sonic helps people on his adventures because seeing or knowing that people are in trouble ruins his adventure for him. The moment he knows people are in trouble he can’t enjoy himself no matter how much sleep he got. His big heart and distaste for injustice spur him into action. He’s acting on his own emotions to bring himself back peace of mind. This is a horribly selfish thing to do, but we see him do it quite a fair bit, sometimes even putting himself before those he is aiming to help. Obviously, I need some examples to back these claims up, so I’ll go ahead and get started with Sonic CD.

Now, a lot of people do not know this, but Sonic did not go to Little Planet to save it. It kind of happens as it stands due again to Sonic’s short temper and reaction to things he dislikes and can’t stand. The whole reason he actually goes if I remember correctly is that he already knew the legends of it and wanted to both see it and see if he could actually time travel using his speed. When he arrived Eggman being there was a total shock to him, and seeing what the good doctor had wrought spurred him into action. In other words, he was there for himself, and saves Little Planet only because his moral compass and own feelings happen to align with what appears to be heroic. But roughly, Eggman ruined his plans and Sonic responded in kind. It’s almost petty his actions at Little Planet if not for how it is painted due to Eggman being the rather destructive villain. But CD is far from the only example.

In Sonic Adventure he gets involved because he is involved by Tails and Eggman. Stopping Chaos 0 is a matter of his evening run being ruined by the clash between Chaos and the Cops. He can’t leave the cops to be slaughtered and jumps in restoring his peace of mind. A selfish action. It isn’t much better with Tails either. With his peace of mind restored we next join Sonic chilling at the pool until Tails appears and ruins his nap. Though not Tails’ intentions, Sonic’s shrug tells us a great deal about how he feels about the situation before going off to make sure the fox is alright. If Tails came first he would not have delayed or even shrugged. He simply would have taken action. He also is later on disparaging of Knuckles, dismissive of Amy when she is trying to ask for help until he actually sees the danger, and gets wrapped up in the thrill of chasing Eggman rather than making sure Tails and Amy get away alright. Most of the game he puts himself first and displays irritation when he is needed to be heroic. It doesn’t really paint him as a hero. He isn’t much better in Sonic Adventure 2 either where he really drives home his preference for doing things his way. Then in Sonic Heroes he only gets involved because it seems like fun. Despite the danger, Sonic puts himself first. It isn’t until Shadow where Sonic is really painted as heroic straight up, but that game takes place through Shadow POV, and in relation to himself Shadow does see Sonic as rather heroic.

In 06 though Sonic goes right back to his selfishness. Yet another seemingly lost detail, even though it is repeated at the end of the game, Sonic goes to Soleanna to see the Sun Festival. It is literally his only reason for being there. If not for Eggman arriving he would have never interacted with Elise and would have been gone the next day. Yet Eggman attacks and Sonic gets involved. And seeing the mess that Elise is Sonic can’t have any peace of mind until she has some and shares a lot of his philosophies with her until she finally stops being mopey and has the strength and resolve to do what she needs to. Then, sure enough, even with the subtle hints that Sonic remembers what happened, he heads right on out once he knows everything is fine, including Elise. He made himself a big part of her life and then leaves because that is who he is and he can enjoy his running again knowing that everything is resolved.

When we get to Unleashed, we see a slightly different side to Sonic’s selfishness as he puts himself before his charge of the game; Chip. When Sonic meets Chip he blames himself for the latter’s memory loss and offers to help him restore it. Yet when he can’t resolve it and is informed of the larger mess at hand by Tails he heads right off to solve the problem. Now yes, he brings Chip along, but he has no basis on which to base Chip regaining his memories in his company. Yet he gladly exposes him to danger while thrill riding on his own adventure, where Chips memory coming back becomes insignificant to him. Chip simply becomes a friend on the adventure and Sonic mostly enjoys himself. Again he is being selfish.

Like 06 before it, Black Knight is a game where Sonic is heavily doing things his own way and for his own enjoyment. Most of that breaks later on when facing Merlina, a friend he has to save as much as her world, and of course the Knight Trials. The Knight Trials are one of the more interesting examples of Sonic’s selfish heroism as he has been tasked with saving the world but will not refuse the child in need. Worse, the Lady of Lake knew Sonic’s abilities when she put the time limit on him and the trials which would assure that Sonic would fail should he deviate at all. But Sonic has a big heart, and he hates tears, and here is this child crying due to the dragon. There is no way Sonic can have the peace of mind to focus on his quest to save the world while this child suffers and chooses the child over the world. Kind of funny that Amy gets chewed out by the fandom for this but Sonic clears his Knight Trials with flying colors for the same thing. But I digress. While it worked out for Sonic here, it could have been disastrous, but in his selfishness, he prioritized his feelings and went against what was requested of him. I may sound heartless here, but when faced with the choice of saving the few or the many most “heroes” seek a way to accomplish both, but Sonic chooses to satisfy his feelings instead. It is a selfish action on his part regardless of the outcome.

Beyond the games though you can also find Sonic being selfish in the OVA where talking him into going to Eggmanland is to stop Tails from worrying. He has no desire to go and outright refuses. It is only when someone he cares about is expressing genuine concern that Sonic is prompted to act. Even then he is visibly irritated by the whole affair the entire time. He had to go against what he desired to do, and it frankly agitates him, which implies a very selfish nature. When he does agree, it is to address something which does bother him, which is anything but heroic.

So, I’ll admit that some of my readings may seem excessively extrapolative, but as I addressed at the beginning of this explanation, I look at Sonic in a different light than most and this paints my view of his character. That Sonic’s selfishness is never really called into question tells me that most people at SEGA also don’t understand it, or as Sonic is supposed to represent everything cool about SEGA it highlighting a negative trait would be seen as unfavorable to say the least. Regardless, Sonic’s selfishness slips in and paints the character in a very unique light, but if you don’t fall for the trap of him being a hero but rather an adventurer who lives for himself first, than it starts to not be a surprise. Or at least, that’s my view on it.

[antibadnik-a]

“If I had to choose the future of my world or you. I think I would choose you , Amy”

@nakotnes​

She asked him if he was going to go back.

It makes her sad to think of it.  But…he’ll have to go back eventually, right?�� To his time.  Where he belongs.  She wants him to stay here, with her, but…but she’s learned too much to expect silly, selfish wishes like those to be fulfilled.  So he’ll have to go back, right?  And then she won’t see him again for a long, long time…maybe never.  That hurts.  That hurts…so bad.  The same way thinking about losing Sonic again hurts.

He doesn’t answer the way she expects him too.  (  yeah, of course i’m going back.  )  Silver seems to mull over it, but not for so terribly long.  He has a future to save.  But he — he says something familiar.  Why is it familiar?  The deja vu is far smaller / far less important than the words themselves.  Maybe that is why she briefly fixates on them.  The strange feeling that she has heard / said these words before is far easier to deal with then the thought that Silver might ————

(  she’s learned too much to expect silly, selfish wishes to be fulfilled.  she’s learned too much to expect people to see her love and match it rather than run at the very first chance.  )

She can’t ask that of him.  What is she but a girl trying / fighting to be better?  What is she but a girl?  She can’t ask him to stay with her.  She doesn’t deserve that.  She doesn’t deserve him.  The thought that he would choose her over the world makes her feel sick / selfish / bad / like she is bad / happy / happy / so happy.

So happy.

(  she’s learned too much to expect the ones she loves to want to stay with her.  )

“I —— Silver, I…”  She’s overwhelmed.  Her hands feel too empty, throat too tight, veins half the diameter they ought to be.  So happy.  Nobody has ever said anything so kind to her before, and it doesn’t make sense.  “I —— I’m not worth that, Silver.”

(  she’s learned too much to think that she could possibly be worth the world.  )

[austencello]

Lian Yu - Arrow Music Notes 5x23

The end of this season brings Team Arrow (plus a few former enemies) against Team Prometheus with many epic fights and small character moments as Oliver deals with the residing guilt over his father’s suicide as he fights for his own son.  Meanwhile, Oliver races against Kovar and time to get to the boat to return home in the Flashbacks bringing the 5 seasons full circle back to the pilot.

Usually, I divide the episode review up into characters or places.  However, the episode is so intertwined with returning themes, new themes, and the Flashbacks that I will point out important themes and characters as the episode unfolded.

The episode begins with the opening line from the Pilot about Lian Yu (Purgatory) with the Lian Yu sound (”Five Years” 1x01) as it transitions to Oliver recruiting Slade to help him.  As Slade explains that he is sane again, the music “Promise Kept” plays (2x20 - Slade kidnaps Oliver, Moira and Thea before Moira dies).  It is eerie and reminds us (along with Slade) of the man and monster Slade had become in Season 2.  Oliver is literally facing his demons and one of the worst nights of his life to defeat Prometheus and find his son.  Slade recognizes that Oliver should have killed him but Oliver says that this could be the reason he didn’t.  He offers redemption to find their sons and then gives him the Deathstroke mask accompanied by the electronic Deathstroke sound (1x05 - “Deathstroke” - first with Billy Wintergreen, then Slade later on.)

The Deathstroke motive (low brass tri-tone - 1x09 “Deathstroke”, again first with Wintergreen then Slade) plays as he appears with Oliver and Harkness in his full gear.  Meanwhile, in the flashbacks, Kovar discovers that Oliver has escaped and the music has a sense of urgency as Oliver runs with a repeating string pattern, cimbalon, electronics, and percussion.  (This was one of my favorite new music moments.)  The cimbalon plays as Oliver flashbacks to his agreement with Anatoly that the boat would arrive soon.

Back in the present day, Slade, Oliver, and Harkness discover part of Team Arrow in cages accompanied by a repeated pizzicato pattern (pizzicato was also used for the trap set for Thea and Quentin in 5x22).  Slade at first appears to help the enemy but then gives a clue to Oliver: “There is no giving up to these guys” - a reference to their training in 1x14.  The same timpani hit with brass plays for both times he says that line. The electronic Deathstroke sound plays as Slade punches Harkness.  The fight that ensues with Talia and Evelyn (and Harkness) has an almost techno feel in the syncopated electronic and percussive beats.

Felicity and Thea are not happy to see Oliver teaming up with Slade and that he wants them to leave so Thea brings Oliver to the side to talk.  Hammered dulcimer (Oliver’s instrument) plays as he asks her for help regardless of the situation.  Because she loves him, she agrees.

Oliver gives Felicity a tablet containing imagery of the Island: “Just in case.”  Harp (Felicity’s instrument) and piano (Oliver’s instrument) plays “Purest Heart” as Felicity kisses him: “Just in case.”  “Purest Heart” is from 2x21 as both Walter and Oliver tell Thea how much Oliver loves her.  This returns several times throughout the series as Oliver expresses his love as her brother and how much he needs her: 3x03, 3x20, 4x12.  Oliver will always love Thea, no matter what.  His love is strong, loyal, and faithful and he will always believe the best in her.  The other woman that he loves this much is Felicity.  He will always love Felicity with this depth, strong and loyal.  She is his world and he believes in her.  (Thanks to Blake Neely who helped clarify this for me!)

Men’s choir (often used for religious spaces) sings as Diggle and Quentin are brought through the Chinese Holy Retreat by Black Siren to where Dinah and Rene are chained up.  Meanwhile, Oliver and Slade talk about his past coming to haunt him.  Slade tells Oliver it all comes down to his Father’s suicide and the guilt he carries from it. The only way to move forward is to forgive himself.  During this scene, strings and horn (Hero theme 2) plays.

Malcolm tries to initiate conversation with Thea, who wants nothing to do with him.  Crutales (a callback to “Like Father, Like Daughter” - 3x03 when they trained together) play over an electronic repeated note before Thea steps on a landmine (with the Lian Yu sound.)  Malcolm pushes her off and sacrifices himself as his theme in the harp plays with a new theme in strings.  Malcolm was a selfish villain and had a twisted sense of love but he gets a chance for redemption for finally putting Thea first.

Oliver, Nyssa and Slade arrive at the Retreat site and split up.  Slade knocks Oliver out (appearing to betray him) and the first note of the Deathstroke motive plays as he hands Oliver over to Black Siren. 

Meanwhile, Thea and Felicity talk about their evil dads as Thea struggles with the reality that Malcolm just died.  Regardless of their issues and terrible parenting, both Dads ultimately were willing to sacrifice themselves for their children when in harms way.  As Felicity tells Thea it is okay to miss Malcolm, a new melody plays in high bell-like tones over strings.  Thea got to see the father Malcolm could have been but too late.

Back with the rest of the Team, Oliver gives Dinah the device Curtis created to bypass the sonic dampeners.  As she lets go a scream (and named Black Canary by Quentin), a new triumphant brass motive plays.

Talia hears the Canary Cry and turns to stop the prisoners but is interrupted by Nyssa.  As they deal with “unfinished business” by dueling, a lot of Nanda Parbat/Nyssa instruments are featured especially with the duduk and drums. The Season 2 mirakiru horns (interestingly mirroring the melismas in the duduk) play as Deathstroke jumps in and stops Talia’s League.

Oliver and the rest of the team joins up with Nyssa and Slade as hero horn 1 (first heard in 1x01 “Sacrifice”) plays but then switches to Prometheus’ tick-tock and string glissandos as he appears with his team.  The tick-tock continues as he continues to taunt and mess with Oliver’s head.  A fight commences and the music plays the themes of each character as they fight: Arrow, Deathstroke, Diggle (in horns) and Wild-Dog. It’s pretty awesome.

The music morphs as the fights morph from Flashbacks to present day: cimbalon and low Russian strings as Kovar knows he just has to make Oliver miss his boat, to Team Arrow music timbre with higher strings as the team fights, to more electronics as the Canaries fight.  Horns begin the Canary theme (2x03 “Canary”) and then changes into the last 3 notes of the new melody with Dinah’s cry earlier in the episode.  Electronics pick up again as Black Siren walks over to Dinah but then quiet as she gets knocked out.  Horn (hero) plays as Quentin explains he had to: “for so many reasons.”

Chase tries to get Oliver to kill him but Oliver ultimately refuses as the slow version of the Arrow theme plays in the lower strings (used in emotional moments for Oliver - “I forgot Who I was”)  As he tells Adrian that he is no longer that killer, the violins play it faster overlaying the slower version (Green Arrow plus Oliver Queen): “That’s not who I am now.”  Horn joins with a new theme as he declares that he is done blaming himself for his father’s death.  Violins play the slow Arrow theme again as Chase tells Oliver that William is dead, a moment of brief anguish.  Cellos and basses play as Oliver refuses to kill Chase and become that murderer again even if that is true.

Oliver runs to catch Chase (in a boat) while in the Flashbacks he gets ready to catch his boat accompanied by “Saving Oliver” (1x14 - Diggle and Felicity race against time to save dying Oliver.)  This track gives a sense of urgency of life and death.  The Arrow brass glissando occurs as present Oliver jumps and races down the pier to catch Adrian’s boat.  A version of the Arrow theme plays as he attack Chase.

The music switches to “Five Years” as a shortened opening sequence from the Pilot is shown of Oliver being rescued bringing the series full circle.

The team discovers that the escape plane has been sabotaged as the strings maneuver around (similar but longer pattern to “The Team Continues Without Oliver” in S3).  They tell Oliver and then Chase brings out William giving Oliver an ultimatum: save the team or William.  The horn plays a new melody starting on a dissonant note before resolving and repeats it.  Dissonance always gives musical tension which amps up the tension for this horrible situation.

Oliver shoots Chase in the leg and rescues William from Adrian’s grasp.  Then Flashbacks begin with Oliver calling Moira that he is still alive.  “Returning Home” plays which is the same music when she sees him for the first time in the pilot: “My beautiful boy.”

As Chase begins to monologue about how fitting it is that William should discover his father’s identity in the same place that Oliver learned the truth about his, a high eerie pitch plays over a slow minor scale in the strings.  It gives a hint that something is not quite right and then the tick-tock begins as his final plan comes into play to destroy Oliver.  His string glissandos are added as the gun comes out and Oliver realizes in horror that Chase is going to kill himself and blow up the Island with everyone on it.  A very low rumble and the high pitch is left hanging before everything becomes silent except for the bombs exploding.  Leaving Oliver and William (and the audience) in complete anguish and shock.

Extra Notes

- What an ending.  This reminded me of Season 1 when Oliver believed he had won only to have the villain have a final twist up his sleeve.  To finally choose to let go of his past and trust his team only to have them ripped away from him is heartbreaking.  (Thankfully we know that Arrow will not have killed off almost every cast member so we have a bit more hope)

-  It has been a joy to go through this music again this season.  Thanks for all of your support and encouragement.  Thanks also to Blake Neely and his team for writing fantastic music that gets us all so excited (and for answering my questions!)

- Until next time!

@herskirtsarentthatshort @pulpklatura @academyofshipping @mel-loves-all @ah-maa-zing @smoakmonster @jorahandal @marniforolicity @lovejesusarrowavengersblog

[theodoredimas]

The Stars Above - 2/2

Honestly guys, just send help. This ship has ruined me. *laughter turns to sobs*

Tagging you at your request dear @whovianlunatic

Kara shook her head repeatedly, running her fingers through Mon-El’s hair, as she willed for him to breath again. To come back to her. Her fingers tightened in his hair as another sob was ripped from her chest. She had lost so much already. Too much. She couldn’t lose him. She just couldn’t. She felt her sister’s hand squeeze her shoulder twice before whispering, “Kara.”

Shaking her head again, Kara grasped for a solution. “We can save him. We can. He didn’t know he would…he didn’t know. It’s not fair. We have to save him.”

Alex felt her own tears threaten to fall. Seeing her sister in so much pain and seeing Mon-El sacrifice his life for Kara, it was overwhelming. Taking in a shuddering breath, Alex told Kara heartbrokenly, “He knew.”

Kara looked at her sister then, her cheeks wet with her tears as another half sob of pain left her. “What?”

Alex ran her hand through her sister’s hair as she said, “He knew about the bullets. It’s how we found out they were made with kryptonite. He knew.”

Kara’s eyes became unfocused as she tried to comprehend what Alex was telling her. “No. That’s not true. If he knew, why would he…Why?”

Alex wiped at Kara’s tears as she finally saw understanding cross her face and with it the soul crushing reality of what it meant. “Kara.”

Shaking her head, Kara covered her mouth with a hand as she looked at her sister. He died for her. In place of her. His words finally making sense. The world needed her, it didn’t need him. He knew that he would die and he still did it because he didn’t think his life meant enough. That her life was more important. “Alex.”

Drawing her into a hug, Alex held her tightly as she tried to soothe her. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Kara sobbed heartbrokenly into her sister’s shoulder as everything came crashing down. Mon-El had finally done everything right, everything she taught him and it ended with his death. He had finally become the hero she knew he was and he died for it. For her. He saw that with his death he could save Kara which in turn would save the greater good. He thought his death was a sacrifice worth taking. She didn’t know how she could live with that knowledge.

J’onn knelt down next to the two sisters as he spoke softly in Kryptonian, “He has not left you, even in the face of death.” Looking toward the ceiling and where he knew the stars shined brilliantly above them, he spoke for the first time in many years the Daxamite language, reciting a Daxamite prayer. “A prince…a king among mortal man, willing to give his life for his people. There is no greater honor. His sacrifice will not be forgotten, nor the valor he has shown this day. May the stars above guide him on his journey home, the gods welcoming him in a warm embrace as he awaits the night when we too shall join him.”

Kara grasped his hand as another sob wracked her body. She had understood everything he said, the Kryptonian and Daxamite language being very similar. J’onn leaned into her touch, his own forehead resting against the back of her head. The three of them, mourning together the loss of a a true hero.

The moment was broken at the sound of commotion at the door of the room. Two DEO agents came in, dragging a man as he shouted for them to let him go. Alex felt her chest tighten even more when her eyes landed on her father. “Dad?”

Jeremiah looked up at his daughter’s voice, his own eyes filling with tears at the sight of her. “Sweetheart.” Moving forward, the agents let him go at J’onn’s nod, Jeremiah came down to his knees and hugged Alex and Kara tightly. Pulling away, he cupped Alex’s cheek. “It’s so good to see you. Both of you.” As he turned to look at Kara, he saw Mon-El behind her. His heart stuttered in his chest. He remembered when Cadmus had held the young alien captive for days before Kara showed up. How they had experimented with him to find his weaknesses. He knew only one thing could do this to the man. “What happened?”

Kara swallowed thickly as her eyes slid shut. “He sacrificed himself to save me.”

Jeremiah looked down at his adopted daughter and saw the anguish plain on her face. Cupping her cheek he told her, “I can save him.”

Kara’s eyes shot open, hope swelling in her heart until it overflowed. “You can?”

Nodding, he said, “I can.” Looking toward J’onn, Jeremiah asked, “Can you help me?” J’onn nodded once before Jeremiah instructed him to help him bring Mon-El into another room. Kara followed closely behind with Alex right next to her as the entered a room much like the one Kara was in when Cadmus took her blood. They watched as Jeremiah with J’onn’s helped strap Mon-El to the table before Jeremiah grabbed a long pair of forceps and started to dig out each bullet one by one. Kara grimaced in pain as each bullet was revealed, the kryptonite even in those small amounts affecting her.

Alex grabbed Kara’s arm, telling her she should wait outside where the kryptonite couldn’t affect her. Shaking her head, Kara spoke softly, “No, I’m not leaving him.” Alex nodded once before she intertwined their fingers, a show of support in Kara’s greatest time of need. Alex didn’t know what would happen if her father failed at bringing Mon-El back.

Jeremiah instructed J’onn to step back as he attached what looked like jumper cords to the metal table. He then went over to a console, turning it on with a whirring sound. Kara could the static in the air around her shift as Jeremiah turned a dial a sent of large electrical current through the cords, directly into Mon-El. Kara shouted in horror as she watched Mon-El’s body jerked with the force of electricity running through him. “Stop!”

Jeremiah looked toward Kara as he turned down the amperage. “Kara, do you trust me?” At her nod, he explained, “When Cadmus captured Mon-El, they tested him to see what his weaknesses were. That’s how they found out about the lead allergy. They also found out though that his body synthesizes electrical energy to make him stronger. Just like your body uses the radiation from our sun, his body needs this to heal itself. It’s the only way.” Kara nodded once in understanding before Jeremiah turned up the amperage again, sending a shock wave into Mon-El. He turned to dial all the way until the entire circuit border shorted out, causing the building to be shrouded in darkness. The back up generator kicked in as Jeremiah moved forward to check for a pulse.

Kara rushed to Mon-El’s other side as she asked him, “Did it work?”

Kara had her eyes closed as she drifted in the night sky. Two months. It had been two months since that fateful night. Since she had heard his voice, seen his blue-grey eyes shine with love for her. Two long months of trying to act like everything was normal, when in her heart she felt as if he had taken a piece of her with him. Her fingers grazed the slight mist of a cloud as she opened her eyes to see the stars above her twinkle brilliantly. Just as she was about to close them again, she saw it. Far in the distance, not something a mere human could see. However, with her sight she was able to telescope and see it. A comet. Radiant as it streaked through the night sky, a vivid shade of blue shining in it’s wake. His voice echoed in her ears as if he was right next to her. Comets.

Tears gathered in her eyes just as Alex’s voice spoke softly into Kara’s comm. “Kara, you should get back here.”

Happy for the distraction, Kara flew to the headquarters with a sonic boom following in her wake. She landed gracefully on her feet as she looked around for her sister or J’onn. When she couldn’t even find Winn, she went to the only place she knew all three of them would be at. Her heartbeat increased as tears filled her eyes. She couldn’t let her heart fill with hope. Not again. She couldn’t take it being broken again.

However, when she came into the medical bay, there they were, smiles on all their faces. Alex was the first one to see her, a watery smile letting Kara know she wasn’t seeing things. His back was facing her, his strong muscles visible even beneath the shirt he wore. She must have made a noise because, suddenly, all eyes were on her. Everything slowed down as she watched him turn his head, his eyes locking with hers as his smile spread across his face. It was his smile that propelled her forward, her arms wrapping around him as her fingers tangled with his hair. She held him close, fearing he would leave her again if she let go. Kara didn’t realize she started to cry until his soothing voice washed over her as he repeatedly told her, “I’ve got you, it’s okay.”

Alex motioned for everyone to give them a moment as J’onn ushered the rest of the team out of the room. Pulling back, Kara looked at Mon-El as he wiped her tears from her face. She spoke softly, a quiver in her voice. “Don’t ever do that to me again.” She had wanted to sound stern, but Kara knew she failed miserably as her voice cracked when she said, “Promise me.”

Mon-El brushed her hair behind her ears, letting his hands run down her long hair before coming back up to cup her face. “I can’t.”

Kara felt like she had been stabbed in the heart. She couldn’t go through this again. This pain. “Mon-El.”

He shook his head though as he wiped at her tears again. “Kara, if it’s between you and me, I will always choose you. Over and over and over again, without a doubt in my mind, without a pause in my step, and within a heartbeat of time. I will keep choosing you. I will never be a hero like you. I’m too selfish to be. While you watch after this entire city, this world, all I can think of is who is looking after you? Kara, don’t you see. I’m a selfish man that will not live in a world without you in it. You, Kara Zor-El, have taken my heart and I will willingly give of myself so you can live. Each and every time.”

Kara leaned her forehead against his, tears trailing down her cheeks at his admission. Her nose nuzzled his as she slowly came to terms with his words. She took in a shuddering breath before saying, “These last two months have been the hardest I’ve had to live. I finally felt again what it was like to not have you with me. You make me smile and laugh more than anyone I know. You bring a lightness to my world I never knew I was missing. I also saw that we had missed so much time together because I was scared. I was scared of losing you and in the end, I still did. I lost you, Mon-El, and it broke my heart. I thought I would never get another chance. If it was for Eliza finding a serum for your lead allergy, you may never have come back to me. So I’m not taking for granted another moment. I see now, that you don’t hold me back. You make me stronger. You challenge me in ways no one else can and force me to see things in a new light. I know I can’t stop you from protecting me, but maybe together, as a team, we can protect each other and this world.”

With those final words, Kara closed the small space separating their lips. The moment their lips touched it felt like coming home. The sun finally broke through the clouds and the warm rays of sun brushed her skin, filling her body with energy. Pulling away, she continued to nuzzle his nose. “I’ve thought of your name as well.”

Her heart leapt in her chest as he smiled at her. “Yeah, what is it?”

Mon-El watched as her eyes shined a vibrant blue, twin stars welcoming him home. Love swelled in his chest as she brushed his hair from his forehead. “Valor.”

[asseret-sarim]

The past, the present... The future.  -Part 4

Summary: In SHIELD you are known for your charisma and your irrational optimism. Specially taking in count the irreversible curse HYDRA condemned you with. Because of that, Director Fury has determinate that you are the best person to take care of Bucky’s mental state.

Chapter 4: Who are you?

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Y/N: Your name

Warnings: This part is pretty dark, you’ve been warned. Mentions of abuse, torture, human experiments and panic attacks.

Word count: 1,988

A/N: I got a bit carried away writing this. Specially the beginning and the end. Please, don't hate me! I really want to explore the reader’s backstory in detail. As always, I would love to have feedback, so don't doubt telling me what you think!

Previously: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.

Previously:

“Who are you?” the voice rips me suddenly from my trance. It’s deep and menacing. I turn around slowly to face the man staring at me from across the room.

His figure is tall and strong. Pale moonlight drips along his face. His dark hair is messy and longer than I remembered, going down to his jaw, that is clenched and stubble. The moonlight reflects on his exposed left wrist made out of vibranium. But that’s not what gives him away. It’s his eyes.

I will never forget them, no mater how long I live. Those piercing blue eyes have haunted my nightmares countless times, and now, all of a sudden, they drag me back to my fourteen year old self, hiding in a corner, waiting for the monster to grab me.

It’s him. It’s the soldier.

>>Sentences in cursive and bold are flashbacks.<<

Y/N’s POV:

“Who is her, sir?”

“Who are you?”

“This, doctor, this. This is where you are going to test the serums on.” he smiled, running a hand through my arm, secured between two leather holds. “We have others, so don’t worry about the condition it is left in. We just thought it would be an excellent place to start.”

The doctor nodded. “That’s good. I think I will need more, I don’t expect this one to be left in a good condition, but this is an excellent place to start.”

The world is spinning. Past and present mix before my eyes and absorb me with a magnetic force.

“That’s great. I’m assigning The Soldier for this. If it gives problems, just tell him, he will know how to make it more willing to collaborate.”

“Yes, sir. But why is The Soldier going to take care of it, if I may ask? I thought he only took care of the most important missions.”

There is pressure on my chest. Does it come from the leather hold pinning me to the table?

“He only takes care of the most important missions. Let’s just say this is more personal than it looks like.”

“Oh! I see. Don’t worry, sir. She will be taken care of appropriately.”

I feel cold against my back. Is it metal or glass? I’m blind. A hand reaches over to me and grabs my arm. I try to twist away from the hold, but I can’t…

Suddenly, Natasha’s voice drags me out of my trance. “Y/N… Are you OK? Can you hear me?” The darkness slowly crawls away from my eyes. I can feel the glass now, hear the sounds of birds outside. And I can see Natasha, kneeling next to me, her hands in my shoulders and a worried look in her face. When she notices I’m back, she carries me to the couch and wraps me in a blanket. Clint comes from the kitchen with a steaming cup of some sort of infusion that he puts in my hands before siting down next to me. “It has calming proprieties.” he explains.

Nat wraps an arm around me. “FRIDAY warned us you were having a panic attack. What happened?”

“The-the… So-soldier.” I can’t to talk, and I can’t hold tears back either. I try to keep it as silent as possible.

Nat looks at me. “Bucky wasn’t here, Y/N.” She said softly “What really happened?”.

I can’t talk. I really can’t. If I open my mouth I will sob and then I won’t be able to keep my tears silent. But I know The Soldier was here. He was here. He asked me who I was. He threatened me.

Or…

“Maybe you were hallucinating.” Clint said “It wouldn’t be the first time. You also entered a trance when we visit that basement in Siberia where you had been kept for some time.”

I nod. That makes sense. Natasha looks at me with worry “I don’t think you should carry on with this mission if this is the effect he has on you”.

I think about her words for a second. Yes, I could call Fury and step back. Let someone else do the job. Go back to the security of the SHIELD headquarters. But that would be failing Fury, Steve, Tony… myself. Giving up would be selfish, I have to carry on. I can do this. I know I can.

Nat and Clint must see the determination in my eyes, because they don’t push me more. When I finish the infusion I start to feel tired, so Clint gives me a few reassuring words and Nat helps me get to my room and into bed. I’m out as soon as my head touches the pillow.

I wake up with a scream on my lips, but I bite it down before it comes out. I should have expected nightmares after last night. There’s no way I’m going back to sleep and the sun is already up in the sky, so why not get up? I take a fast shower and, remembering what Tony told me last night, I decide to go for regular clothes: black jeans, a dark T-Shirt and my military boots.

I find Steve and Sam in floor two. They are talking over a cup of coffee and turn around to greet me.

“What do you take for breakfast, Y/N?” Steve turns to the fridge.

“Toast. But I can make it myself, Steve, don’t worry.”

He refuses to hear a word about it, so I sit down next to Sam on the couch. “You look tired.” he observes.

“So do you. I have trouble sleeping.”

“Clint makes an amazing relaxing infusion. He says he learned it form his wife, Laura. It doesn’t matter who he learned it from, the thing is, it works amazing.”

“I know, I have tried it”

Steve sets a plate of toast and a mug of hot chocolate in the table. I thank him and start eating. “Do you have any plans for today?” he asks.

“Um… Not that I’m aware of. I have to do a few things this morning, but I’m sure I’ll be done with them before lunch.”

“I heard Tony is planning something for this afternoon.” Sam says, standing up. “If you don’t mind, I’m gonna go find out what it is”

“Y/N…” Steve starts once we are alone “I… I don’t know until what extreme are you aware of Bucky’s current situation.”

“Last time I heard something, he had lost the metal arm and was safe at T’Challa’s palace.”

“Yes. His arm has been replaced. We’re trying to take the trigger words out of his brain, but we aren’t making much of a progress.” he pauses for a second “As you know, he isn’t eating much. He’s also very, and I mean very, wary of touching people or being touched in general. Due to mind wiping, he has really strong migraines from time to time and has trouble remembering things sometimes. It really frustrates him.”

I nod. “OK. Thank you for telling me, Steve.” I rinse the dishes and put them in the dishwasher “I have something to do now, but I will go see Bucky after lunch.” I smile.

He smiles back and I leave the room.

Tony’s kingdom is between the machines and robots of floor three. Armed with a cup of coffee, I knock on the tinted glass door of his lab. Everything seems peaceful from the outside, but when he opens the door, the sonic wave of heavy metal blasting at full volume hits me and nearly sends me flying back.

“Kid!” Stark screams over the music but I can barely hear him. I cover my ears to protect the few hearing that’s left in me. Tony turns around and says something intelligible. Finally, the music stops and I feel deaf from the sudden lack of sound. Tony smiles and invites me in. “Sorry about that. sometimes I forget not everyone is used to my volume of music.”

“That was deafening, Tony!” I take my hands from my ears tentatively. “I listen to music really high, but your volume is straight up unhealthy!”

“I haven’t died yet” he replies, dead serious.

I give up. Bruce is siting on a chair, a pair of soundproof headphones around his neck. If he hasn’t been able to convince Tony, then no one will. I give the millionaire the cup of coffee I brought and make a mental note to bring one for Banner tomorrow. Stark drinks the liquid in a second and then thanks me before getting into his profesional costume.

“Sit on this table” Tony orders. I have done this test a gazillion times, but my heart still skips a beat every time someone says that. I jump onto the glass table while Stark gets his toys ready. “Ok, Simmons said I needed a blood and DNA sample and a body scanner. Let’s start with the blood and DNA.”

He approaches me with a needle. I sing softly to myself, looking at the ceiling. A very interesting ceiling, yes. Beautiful pattern…

“I’m done” Tony announces. “Are you scared of needles?”

“Something like that” I mumble. I have been particularly prone to flashbacks recently and I didn’t want to trigger one in front of the two men.

Tony starts passing the results to a computer and Bruce stands next to him and corrects him from behind.

“Kid…” Tony calls without taking his eyes from the computer. Apparently I’m stuck with that nickname “I was thinking… Do you want to go on a shopping trip?”

“With… you?”

Tony laughs “No, I know I’m not your first choice on fashion. Though I have to say, deeply inside, I have a fashion sense.”

Bruce chuckles “Very deeply inside.”

Tony keeps talking, ignoring him. Apparently all Avengers are going on a shopping trip this afternoon. Hurray?… This is dammed to end up bad… It’s going to be hilarious.

I jog downstairs while wrapping my hands for boxing. I have finished unpacking and still had an hour until lunch, so I decided to go to the training room and do some sport.

I’m singing to myself while I choose a song from my reproduction list. I open distractedly the door of the training room and my senses immediately shoot up. There’s something wrong. I slowly look up and my breath gets caught in my lungs.

The Soldier is training. It’s not an hallucination, this time is for real. He’s boxing, his fists hitting the bag unevenly, with a rhythm that is somewhat wild. I start to back away. He hasn’t noticed me. I silently turn around and make my way to the door.

“Hey, who are you?”

Oh, cruel destiny. How ironic you are.

“Eh.. I…. Eh… I’m n-new. Like… in the team. And…” my hand finds the doorknob “I… was l-leaving now…”

“You don’t have to leave just because I’m here. Came to box?” Damn it! “You can stay. Really.” he adds when he sees I’m still holding the doorknob. “What’s your name?”

“I’m.. Y/N” I watch his face carefully, but he doesn’t react to the name. Good, he doesn’t remember me. I make my unsteady way to the boxing space and choose the bag that is further apart from his. I’m shaking and he obviously notices it, but he doesn’t say a word and goes back to hitting the bag. A shiver runs down my spine. I put my headphones on, hoping music will drown my feelings, and start punching as well.

I don’t know how much time has passed when, suddenly, I feel someone behind me. Before I can react, a hand grabs my arm. All I want to do is scream and run away, but I hold terrified tears back as the Soldier corrects my position.

“You can't hit the bag like this, you’ll hurt your arm. Try this posture. It will be way easier.” he says, still griping my arm strongly.

I nod, my breath refusing to come out, my heartbeat in my fingertips. Can he feel it? He drops his arm. He’s still too close, too real.

“A-actually… It’s.. I really… I have to go” I say, turning around and trying not to run until I reach the door. Once out, I sprint to my room and lock myself in. Once I’m alone, tears make an appearance. This was the worst case scenario I could have chosen to meet him, seeing him in action, punching, even if it’s just a boxing bag.

I realize I’m about to enter a shock and ask FRIDAY to tell the team I won’t be joining them for lunch. Once I’m sure I will be left alone, I let my emotions flow freely, drowning me in an ocean of tears, letting them overpower me for the next hour.

Part 5

A big thank you to @beccaanne814-blog  @annadier  @lilasiannerd  @obsessivegeekynerd @drinkfantasy @graysonmalfoy  @scoobertdoobert2  @violentlyfarts  @queenllamamama13  @agentraven007 @brutalwerewolf  @isaxhorror @katundeadd  @chrixa @i-am-mina  @musichowler @panic-at-the-camisado @chipilerendi  @thesalsafic @jennymagicalheart and all the amazing people that are with me in this adventure!

[sounds-offire]

3 More Often Used Phrases that Need Tweaking

In a recent Sounds of Fire blog, I recently said a bunch of stuff about phrases that alot of people use that don’t exactly roll through the brain as easily as it does the tongue. And I’ve found a few more. ( AHA!! ) Something I’ve noticed about some phrases that people swear their lives by, is that they have significantly more limited application than people might think they are able to really get usage out of. 

“An apple a day huh?”....well right about now this girl looks like she NEEDS a doctor...

The result is that , where people might think that they are bettering themselves and their lives by following this counsel, they instead get drenched by a wave of unsatisfied expectations after societal standards drives their 84 Cadillac and runs over one of these literary mud puddles.... 

1. THE BEST WAY TO FIND LOVE IS NOT TO LOOK FOR IT. 

We live in a world engulfed by irony. Being nice to people often makes them walk all over you. Speaking up for yourself makes you look like a bully. Girls in high school date jerks. Robotnik can outrun Sonic at the end of Scrap Brain Zone. Plenty of irony in the world. But how maddening a trial of life, when someone who longs for a mate or spouse, can’t find one, and the solution is to stop looking... The counter intuition can’t be understated. But is that truly the solution? 

In society, we are taught that to get a job, you have to put in applications, to make friends you have to meet people and be a friend, and to find food, you need to go and hunt a deer.

You better leave me alone...

At no point in life are we reasonably taught that what you want is only found by sitting back and waiting for it to fall in our laps. This is not to say that love doesn’t happen that way at all. Plenty of people have had love find them while they weren’t expecting it, largely due to the fact that the person that they met came up to them. 

So they were looking...Nope, not necessarily. Sometimes two people find each other attractive after shared experiences. Office romances. Best friends in high school. Co-stars in action movies. All of these situations can lead to a relationship. But thats not to say that the reason they started is because they weren’t looking. They just had the right circumstances. But the pursuit doesn’t become a problem until you become this girl...

You see there’s a point where trying to find love for oneself becomes an obsession that robs a person of their joy in life, and blinds them to the               intro personal qualities that make a person a good partner. Things like patience, contentment, forbearance, empathy and the like. You simply can’t force a relationship out of thin air. Or more specifically, you can’t make anyone love you if they don’t. A better phrase would be:

"VISIBLE OBSESSION ISN’T ATTRACTIVE”

Lets just take the idea of solutions out of the equation. No one has been guaranteed to find someone. That is an unfortunate fact of life. However, the odds are that there is someone out there for everyone when you contemplate the sheer magnitude of people in the world. But for those of us who are feeling particular longing for affection and companionship , its important to resist the urge to make ones loneliness and desperation a topic of discussion as it may repel a would-be suitor.  At the same time, staying at home avoiding human contact, or even more normally just going about life hoping that love will somehow fall on our heads like bird poo , might find your chances of finding someone are in no way increased...

2. A MISTAKE MADE MORE THAN ONCE IS A CHOICE

So I knew a person who had a tendency to find themselves often in relationships with the wrong person overall. They constantly found the most selfish, controlling and hotheaded people to fall in love with. At a point, you think to yourself “ You must really like abuse! “ Believe it or not, they don’t.

I know this might come as a surprise, but this makes me unhappy...

Something that many of us can’t understand is why a person who appears to be completely sane would knowingly go through any form of persistent negativity. Sometimes a person may stay in a toxic relationship with friends, lovers or even family. At times its because of conflicting emotions, financial support, low self esteem, etc. Because it doesn’t make sense to us, it might be easy to render a tough judgement on such ones. 

In other cases, we might assume that a person who makes an honest error in judgement will recognize such, and never make that mistake again. This also goes against imperfect human tendencies. Granted some people are just very attuned to details and never make bad judgement decision more than once, such as over cooking chicken, forgetting to pay a bill, or over drafting a bank account. But everyone isn’t like that. At times a person might say something unintentionally offensive...more than once... does it mean they choose to offend on the regular? Not necessarily....A better way to phrase it is...

“THINK BEFORE YOU ACT ( OR SPEAK )”

There are waaaaay too many people actually out there hurting people on purpose for us to point at besides our friends, families and well wishers. Our relationships will be so much better if we can assume that any mistake made is simply that - a mistake, and that no one would choose to do something intentionally to hurt us, annoy us, or sabotage our goals. 

But what about people who don’t try to better their negative situations? Once again, to offer the idea that they choose to or even enjoy verbal or physical abuse, being objectified or unappreciated, or taken advantage of likely doesn’t move them to change their circumstances. At the same time, a person in those circumstances can not rightly blame anyone else for the decisions they make. This includes the toxic relationships that they have to endure. Yes, the assailant has some measure of responsibility, but if we are all adults, and capable of reasonably taking care of ourselves, at least a portion of blame lies with ourselves and our own inability to make the choice to move on with our lives.

3. APOLOGIZING DOESN’T ALWAYS MEAN YOU’RE WRONG AND THE OTHER PERSON IS RIGHT. IT JUST SIMPLY MEANS YOU VALUE YOUR RELATIONSHIP MORE THAN YOUR EGO.

I’ve mentioned this one in my last post about winning arguments . Lets go ahead and get this disclaimer out of the way. Apologizing is a good thing to do. I am not at all against saying the words “I’m sorry” and meaning it, if someone’s feelings are hurt because of something you did. I am also not against owning up to one’s mistakes.

“Sorry I smashed your frog Jimmy.”  “Its okay Tommy. Sorry I put him into your glass of orange juice.” 

However there is a notable reasoning that gets lost with this phrase. It is true that apologizing to maintain the peace in a relationship is supposedly the bigger, more grown up thing to do. But so is leaving an argument because its pointless. So is not responding to an idiot. So is not fighting a bully because he’s not worth getting suspended in high school. So is not trying to prove your point because the truth speaks for itself. What do all these scenarios have in common? That from the outside looking in , anyone can see the obvious benefit to not returning aggression for aggression. In these situations, the person who appears passive actually looks smarter than the aggressor and thereby secures their ego. 

What’s wrong with that you might ask? Because thats not the impression thats given with the phrase “ it means you care more about your relationship than your ego.” Anyone can compromise their ego for the benefit of the relationship. But when you say “I’m sorry” when you know you’re not its merely letting the other person win the argument, not necessarily showing the other person that you care more about their feelings or this relationship than to defend yourself. And because no one can read minds, in any given situation the “guilty” party might often just be a moron in the other person’s eyes since they’ve never been convinced that anything they say in opposition could ever be wrong. 

“Babe , you’re right. I’m sorry...” “ It’s okay baby.... just remember that I’m always right, and we won’t keep having this problem.” 

Can a person’s ego ruin a relationship? Ofcoarse! Can the incessant need to vindicate oneself create unnecessary tension? Absolutely! But in a world where apologizing simply doesn’t always mean you’re wrong, but it should be understood that you should apologize if you ARE wrong... they don’t leave any room for the times in which you don’t apologize BECAUSE DOG GONE IT YOU’RE RIGHT!!!! A better solution or phrase would be...

“LOVE DOESN’T HAVE TO WIN EVERY ARGUMENT”.

Some things are simply arguments with no solution. Taylor Swift or Katy Perry. Coke or Pepsi. Why did it end in a church? 

Some things are unnecessary. Who’s turn is it to take the out the trash? Why didn’t you pick up milk on the way home? Will you change the baby’s diaper? Will you dry the dishes? 

But then there are notable arguments in which an understanding needs to be made so that everyone is on the same page.  I don’t like the way you spoke to my father. You never listen to me. You always put your friends first. Our children don’t respect me. 

For these latter arguments, the battle needs to be won, but it needs to be won together. You can’t simply let your mate or friend assume in their mind that you don’t care for them if you’ve shown countless times that you do. Even during an oversight, thats simply unfair. No, you don’t have to take issue with every time someone slights you via accusation, but conceding to falsehoods all the time doesn’t make you more loving, it makes you guilty by admission. 

SoF

[themysteriousgirl920]

My Little Pony: The Movie - Words Unspoken

The light, emerging from a pure white blanket of clouds, illuminated the ocean far below it. The water was calm yet barely moving until… Gasps of air escaped from the mouths of six ponies – one with a horn, two with wings, one with both and two without – and a baby dragon, having managed to barely escape from their watery graves and make their way to an isolated, unfriendly beach.

The place was the perfect reflection of their current situation, as they have ultimately lost their chance of saving their home and the world with the help of foreign creatures living in the sea, thanks to the Mane Six's leader's greatest sin unimaginable. The five ponies – blue, orange, white, yellow and pink – were still shocked to have nearly met their watery graves, whereas the pony in front of them managed to keep her nerves.

The purple baby dragon, Spike, wrung his tail like he would do to a wet cloth to get the excess water out, while the orange pony, Applejack, was the first to speak.

"What were you thinking?" she asked with a Southern American accent. "I mean, stealing their pearl?"

The purple Alicorn, Twilight Sparkle, sadly sighed to herself. "It was the only way to save Equestria." The pink pony, Pinkie Pie, on the other hand, was not having any of it.

"Except it wasn't. The Queen was going to say 'yes'; we did what you told us, and that's what made her realise we were ponies worth saving." A gasp escaped Pinkie's lips as she came to a shocking realisation.

"Unless… you didn't really want us to give her the best time ever. You just wanted us to distract her!" The other ponies gasped at Pinkie's correct assumption and Twilight's despicable deed.

"I never would have done it," Twilight responded, angrily turning to her friends. "But this isn't Equestria! We can't just dance around with con artists, make rainbooms in the sky and expect everything to work out!" The blue Pegasus, Rainbow Dash, remembered her foolish action and immediately came to regret what she did back then.

"It is not enough!" Twilight concluded. "We are not enough."

"No, Twilight." Pinkie countered. "We stuck together. We were gonna get the help we needed! The only thing that stopped us was you!" Pinkie stated, as she approached Twilight before accusingly pointing her pink hoof at her.

"Well, I'm doing the best I can!" Twilight yelled, harshly shoving her face into Pinkie's. She then turned around with a worried expression. "It's all on me; I'm the one Tempest wants, I'm the last princess."

As Twilight was walking away from Pinkie, Pinkie decided to speak her mind. "You're also the only one who doesn't trust her friends!" This was enough to get the Alicorn riled up, but not enough to make her say something that she will regret later on.

"'Doesn't'?!" Twilight snapped, furiously turning around and marching towards the angered pink pony. "Who are you to say that I am the one 'who DOESN'T trust her friends'? I couldn't trust ANY of you after all the times you screwed up and put yourselves and all of us in danger!"

The other ponies were astounded by Twilight's angry and frustrated tone being taken out on them, whereas Pinkie was undeterred. However, her friend's upcoming words were about to change all that. "You decided to attract attention to ourselves and nearly got yourself and my friends killed on our way to the airship," Twilight called out to Pinkie, whose expression slightly lifted after hearing those words.

"You gave away our location when you decided to do a Sonic Rainboom," Twilight called out to Rainbow Dash, who gave off a disappointed look to herself. "And the rest of YOU... what have you ever done to help with the mission? In fact, what have ANY of you ever done to help?!" The shy yellow Pegasus, Fluttershy, and the graceful white unicorn, Rarity, were shocked at their leader's words.

The five ponies' hearts began to sink at the sheer thought of not doing much to help with the mission to save Equestria, but Twilight was not finished yet. "I feel like I am the one who understands the danger we and Equestria are in, whereas the rest of you don't! So I thought... that the only way to save Equestria was to resort to drastic measures."

Twilight's irate expression then quickly changed to sorrow and guilt, as did her voice. "I admit, I did a stupid thing. A VERY stupid thing. And I'm sorry for what I did back there. Using your talents to steal the pearl was despicable of me and I'm sorry for doing that. I don't know whether or not Queen Novo was really going to give the pearl to us because I wasn't there at the time, but blaming me for every thing that went wrong isn't going to help anypony."

The ponies were still in shock, but chose to listen intently to everything else Twilight had to say. Twilight began to walk towards them, being sure to make eye contact with them as best as she can, only to end up in the middle of the group. "As a matter of fact, we are ALL to blame for every thing that went wrong, and it's up to US to make things right. Because if we don't... sigh, if we don't make the time and effort to make things right, to save Equestria... then there is no hope for us. ANY of us."

Twilight was still filled with guilt for what she had done, yet she knew that the best way to solve the problem was to stay calm and choose her words carefully, still doing her best to make eye contact with her friends. "Equestria needs its heroes to save it and its citizens. We have all made mistakes along the way. I would never abandon any of my friends for the mistakes they made. So please... don't do the same to me."

The shock and disappointment that was once written on the ponies' faces ceased to exist, with a new expression written on their faces: concern. "Please give me the chance to try harder," Twilight pled. "To be a better pony, to find another way to make things right and save our world."

The Mane 5 maintained their concerned expression as Twilight began to walk past them. "But... if you choose to give up on me at any point in time," she stated, turning around to face her friends. "Then... I wouldn't blame you, not even for a second." The Mane 5 were shocked to hear Twilight say such words. However, Twilight was not yet finished.

"As much as I deserve to be deserted for what I did," she announced with her head down in shame, before lifting it up to face them again. "I don't want to be. And should I be deserted, I'll have to save Equestria myself or die trying." With that, Twilight's speech was over and she immediately turned and walked away from them.

Sometime later, Twilight was sitting on a stony cliff above the edge of the turbulent ocean. The other ponies, not too far behind, followed her to her location. Pinkie Pie was the first to break the ice.

"Twilight?" Pinkie called out to the Alicorn, who began to turn around with a nervous expression. The pink pony sighed with sadness and regret. "You're right, we all messed up and we're sorry for all the times we messed up. We didn't mean for things to go this far. We just wanted to make new friends so that they can help us."

Rarity was the second to speak, with an English-American accent. Her face, riddled with sorrow and guilt. "We should have known better than to ignore you and to focus on ourselves and our selfish needs when, in fact, the mission was more important than anything."

Applejack, wearing a sad frown, took after Rarity. "You were right about us. We did goof up, big time. You did too because... you were so desperate to save our home. We just didn't know how desperate you were back then, and we wish we had done so sooner."

Twilight, taken aback by her friends' words, was still upset at what she did. "You guys, I…"

"Not so fast." Rainbow Dash interrupted. "We've all done things we weren't proud of. All we ever did was mess around, but you had the determination to save Equestria, and when the Queen refused to give you the pearl... you felt like you had no other choice. You knew it was the wrong thing to do... but you did it for the right reasons."

With a smile aimed at Twilight, the Alicorn gives a sad smile in return. She started to tear up, having been overcome with emotion. "I'm really sorry, you guys."

"We're sorry, too," Fluttershy replied with a kind, compassionate voice. "And it's OK. We understand how hard things have been for you. And like you said, it's up to us to make things right."

Twilight couldn't believe her ears. Her friends were still going to help her, still remaining with her, even after what she did? The Mane 5 approached her, with looks of understanding and smiles to match. Fluttershy spoke up again.

"Did you really think we were going to let you do this on your own? You need us, and so does everypony... and everypony needs you too." The Mane 6 then closed the gap between them with a warm, friendly hug. A hug that said, "It's alright. You are forgiven." They gently released Twilight, who was content and no longer in despair.

"Thanks, guys." Twilight uttered gratefully. "And I'm really sorry."

"Enough already." Pinkie interrupted, putting a hoof to Twilight mouth. "We know you're sorry for what you did. Nopony's perfect." Pinkie smiled up to her ears at Twilight, who smiled back.

"Now, come on, everypony! Equestria isn't going to save itself." And with that, Pinkie Pie bounced away, with the other ponies – excluding Twilight – running after her in excitement. Twilight giggled at the sight and was the last to follow. "Hey, guys! Wait for-"

Just then, a giant metal bird cage quickly descended from the heavens, capturing its purple prey. The Mane 5 turned around, in shock, to see their friend trapped inside as the cage lifts her off the ground. "Twilight!" they all called out. Rainbow Dash grabbed onto Rarity and flew towards the ascending cage, where Rarity was able to stop the cage from moving any further for a brief period of time.

The white unicorn could feel her strength sapping away from her, as the cage was succeeding in resisting her powerful magic. "I can't hold it!" Rarity cried, losing her concentration in exhaustion.

"Rarity!" Rainbow Dash cried out. She looked at a helpless, frightened Twilight as the cage began making its way up to the entrance of a titanic enemy ship. "Twilight, NO!" she cried, horrified at the sight.

"GUUUYYSSS!" Twilight screaming at the top of her lungs was enough to cause the Mane 5 to do the same.

"TWIIILIIIIGHT!" And with that, Twilight was gone.