#'possessive over his vessel being used by another angel' lucifer is something that can be so personal actually

[quietwingsinthesky]

happy birthday!! umm how about hallucifer (or actual lucifer, whatever you prefer) reacting to gadreel possessing sam? 💞

(oh! i do have a little bit longer fic about this concept too in case you're interested!)

They must be desperate if they're setting Lucifer free to find Sam, and from one look at Crowley's beaten grimace and Dean's bloodshot eyes to the Mark on his arm and Castiel's very conspicuous absence, they have tried everything before him.

If they'd come to him first, Lucifer could have fixed this all in a week, the damage in Sam's body and the chaos up in Heaven, but now, he has to do twice the work. Lucifer tracks his wayward brother down and pins Gadreel down with wings raised high to menace, and says, very softly, "Let my beloved vessel"—shiver of Sam's soul like he can sense Lucifer's grace—"go, little brother, you don't want to fight me for him"—leaning in to let the words sink into Gadreel's grace with all the weight of the threat they carry—"because I will win."

(birthday 3 sentence ficathon! come toss a prompt!)

[deanstudies101]

S5 reading of the titles

Episode 1, Sympathy for the Devil: [we did right before watching. It was like. There’s sympathy for the devil. Lucifer is actually nice/good. Might get Lucifer’s backstory/a villain monologue]

Episode 2, Good God, Y'all!: Iga, something to do with God, and Cas, Cas has a conversation with Sam and Dean. Kai, more God lore. Like, the angels didn’t do this, who did this? Iga, God lore, God involvement, God’s around—maybe! Maybe God’s around.

Episode 3, Free To Be You and Me: Kai, Lucifer trying to convince people over to his side. Iga, but what does that mean though? Lucifer wants to punish God, the angels want to stop Lucifer… and then what? The demons want to live on earth and be free, which is reasonable, but what about the angels? Are they bored? [I’m not responding to this.]

Episode 4, The End: Iga, you giggle about this one. You’re excited about this one. [Haha, yeah. I think what I actually said is this one is going to destroy you, Iga, personally. But not in the way you think.] Does Cas… orgasm? Does Cas have sex? [(I am laughing uncontrollably.) Can we stop talking about this.] Kai, Chuck finishes the book.

Episode 5, Fallen Idols: Iga, fallen angels is a thing, so maybe it’s about more of those? Kai, people are fighting to be the next God. Iga, I don’t know why Kardashians come to mind, they’re not going to be there. Kai, but isn’t Paris Hilton in Supernatural at some point?

Epside 6, I Believe the Children Are Our Future: Pass

Episode 7, The Curious Case of Dean Winchester: Iga, he’s curious. Kai, he gets diagnosed with autism. Iga, it’s a Dean episode. It’s centred around Dean. Kai, and his autism. Iga, maybe it’s a goofy Dean lore episode, where they like study Dean.

Episode 8, Changing Channels: Kai, isn’t there something about being attuned to the angel channels? Iga, Anna was, but she was an angel. Kai, I think it’s going to be something to do with that. Iga, or about switching sides. [(they said I was smiling.) This episode holds a special place in my heart. I like it. I think it’s good. I think you’ll enjoy it.]

Episode 9, The Real Ghostbusters: Kai, the Ghostfacers come back. Iga, I would like that. It could also be MotW, classic ghost hunting thing. Or maybe they literally meet the real ghostbusters.

Epsiode 10, Abandon All Hope...: Kai, I think things might be looking a bit bleak. Iga, yeah… what number is this? [Episode 10. It’s the midseason finale.] I sussed that out somehow. It’ll tell us how the finale will go. They abandon hope. Maybe they meet God and he’s useless.

Episode 11, Sam, Interrupted: Kai, psych ward episode. Iga, yeah I guess. Kai, I think there’s a very specific famous gif in this one.

Episode 12, Swap Meat: Iga, the first thing I thought was Freaky Friday. The word meat throws me off, it’s very fleshy. Kai, yeah. Maybe motw. Iga, maybe it’s a shapeshifter. They like bringing those back. But Freaky Friday might be fun.

Episode 13, The Song Remains the Same: Kai, I think they might be fighting against fate again. Iga, I think that’s a good guess. Inevitability, destiny, all that.

Episode 14, My Bloody Valentine: 0 ideas. Iga, maybe it’s valentines day. Or someone dies. Kai, one of the brothers fucks. We get a sex scene. Hopefully Dean.

Episode 15, Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid: 0 ideas. Iga, why can’t they wear plaid? I don’t understand. Maybe it’s about a ghost lumberjack who wants to wear plaid. Kai, but Dean wears a lot of plaid. Iga, maybe Dean is naked. Kai, maybe Dean dies.

Episode 16, Dark Side of the Moon: Pass

Episode 17, 99 Problems: Iga, but a bitch ain’t one. [(they laughed) No, correct. That’s the reference. You don’t know what that means, but you’re right.] Kai, do they kill Meg?

Episode 18, Point of No Return: Pass

Episode 19, Hammer of the Gods: Kai, I think Dean might get possessed by Michael. Iga, but Dean is the sword, maybe there’s another vessel who’s a hammer. No, it’s about Dean. He’s the tool.

Episode 20, The Devil You Know: Iga, Lucifer, Lucifer lore? Kai, maybe there’s a bigger bad than Lucifer? Iga, maybe they meet Lucifer and are like, maybe he has a pint, but Dean is like no, the devil is bad, and they get their ass kicked.

Epsiode 21, Minutes to Midnight: Iga, well that’s. That’s the one where the worlds ending. So that. The world is ending. It’s also the penultimate episode.

Episode 22, Swan Song: Iga, I know swan song means something, but I can’t remember what. Kai, isn’t it your last song before you die? [It is a phrase, I believe it’s a misconception, but the idea that swans only sing when they’re about to die.] Iga, killing Lucifer? So we’re killing Lucifer? Kai, or God. Iga, it’s not God. Someone important like Cas is going to sacrifice themselves for the killing of Lucifer, and Dean is going so say wahhh bring them back please, and then they come back at some point. Kai, maybe it’s Sam who sacrifices himself to kill Lucifer, because it’s kind of his fault and he feels bad. Iga, I mean, Dean also did cause it as well. Kai, yeah, they all kinda did, but Sam did the last bit and actually rose Lucifer. [I missed something here but] Iga, someone is crying about someone bringing someone back. Kai, but we do know that Dean has a moment that Dean has a moment when Dean says wahhh bring Cas back. [lol, one?] Iga, I just feel like every season finale has someone sacrificing themselves for something. So someone that we don’t want to die is going to die, and then get brought back.

[autisticandroids]

yknow those episodes where a character's whole personality gets split into 3-5 different distinct separate bodies? what bodies would cas have? I feel like it'd just be a mess tbh, imagine 5 different castiels all of them loving dean to a certain extent but showing it VASTLY differently. one cas would literally want to murder the others lmao

okay so i don’t actually think this trope would be an effective tool for analyzing cas? he’s not conflicted enough in himself. he’s too impulsive, too singleminded, too uninhibited. like, in the end, cas always ends up doing whatever he wants. there aren’t multiple discrete voices vying for control, really, or rather, if there are, one is always significantly stronger than the others. like in the end cas will always end up eating raw meat off the floor, you know? he’ll do what he wants. if i was going to do personality splitting i’d do it to someone intensely internally conflicted, like dean.

however, because i’m in an essay writing mood today, i’ll answer a question slightly to the left of the one you asked. cas may not be internally conflicted, but he is intensely changeable. these two things are related, actually; the same impulsivity and singlemindedness that mean he doesn’t have a ton of internal conflict at any given time mean that different ideas sound good to him at different times, because he isn’t really thinking about, say, what future-him will think of them. and he’s not really trying to maintain an image or identity. he’s just doing what feels right at the time, which is very different at different times and in different situations.

anyway, that in mind, i think a lot about ways to bring together many alternate versions of cas which sort of correspond to different times in the show.

i have a fic in my head about a bunch of cas-es pulled from alternate timelines by some kind of spell. so this would be set during the widower arc because the basic impulse here is to show dean a very bad time. just absolutely put him through hell. also, all the alternate timelines are different because different stuff happened, not because cas made different choices, because if we’re torturing dean it has to be like 5x04, the changes in cas can’t be cas’ fault. they have to be dean’s or just like, the universe’s (which makes them dean’s).

so dean is trying to bring cas back, and he finds some kind of spell that can bring someone “from another world.” and he tries it because hey. can’t hurt to try. anyway i’ve thought a long time about different versions of cas i would put in this and here is what i have. in order of when the timeline split off.

- a cas who never raised dean from hell. think 14x13 “lebanon.” this one i’m not too sure about, like, this could be fun, but i don’t know if it’s different enough from the next one. like this castiel would have lived through the averted apocalypse and subsequent general fuckery that happened as an angelic footsoldier, which would actually be pretty interesting now that i think about it, especially since all that stuff would have gone down soooooooo differently without cas specifically for your average angel footsoldier. like cas has PERSONALLY caused more upheaval in heaven in twelve years of spn than there seems to have been in millennia. so he would be the point of view of a normal footsoldier from a totally other world.

- a cas who died mid season four, and is pulled out of the empty in 2017 by this spell. i’m not sure when this cas died. my thoughts are (1) killed in on the head of a pin by alistair, (2) killed during his torture in the rapture, or (3) simply never resurrected after lucifer rising. (3) makes the most sense, but that cas has already thrown away everything for dean. i prefer the idea of a cas who loves dean, is already on the brink of disobedience for him, but has not yet taken the plunge. both on the head of a pin and the rapture are great places for this, and they both have strengths and weaknesses. if he died in the rapture, he was killed by heaven, which is fundamentally more fun, but he was also really very much over the edge already. if he died in on the head of a pin, he wasn’t killed by heaven, but he is perfectly teetering on the brink of falling for dean. regardless of when he died, the purpose of this cas is to be horrified at all the various and myriad ways he has destroyed and corrupted himself for dean in the other timelines.

- possibly endverse cas, who would have died in 2014, but like s4 cas, would have been pulled from the afterlife by the spell. i’m not so sure on this one. we as a society love endverse cas but i dunno what purpose he would serve. maybe endverse cas didn’t die in 2014, and instead was imprisoned by lucifer, because, you know. he’s the only brother lucifer has left. so he is very excited to see dean alive and well, since his dean is dead, and, not being an angel, cas can’t bring him back. the purpose of this cas would be to horrify dean that cas loves him and needs him so much, and to disgust the other cas-es with his neediness.

- a cas who was in some way on better terms with dean during s6. maybe dean and cas ride off into the sunset together after swan song instead of dean going to live with lisa, maybe dean prayed to cas while he was with lisa because he missed him, who knows. either way, cas has dean’s help with the angel revolution in season six from the start, and never goes to crowley. the plan cas and dean come up with to beat raphael includes breaking into the cage and stealing the grace of michael and lucifer, freeing sam and adam in the process. incidentally, it also involves cas possessing dean, because if cas is gonna eat archangel grace to become more powerful, he’s going to need a stronger vessel. so cas and dean have a whole like. midam situation happening. they’re a double archangel together, and godstiel never happened so none of the other terrible apocalypses that stemmed from that happened, and everything is pretty cool where they’re from, and also they’re obviously uhhhhhh SOME kind of together. the purpose of this cas is to upset dean because this cas shows how much better everything could have been and how much better his and cas’ relationship could have been if dean had simply been more considerate of cas in s6, and also freak dean out with how uh. close. this dean and cas are.

- a godstiel who managed to swallow purgatory without swallowing the leviathans and remained god. he’s probably soooomewhat less scary and murdery than canonverse godstiel because no leviathans, so you know, not as many angel purges or massacres on earth. and he probably went and fixed sam’s wall within about three days because cas is prideful but he does NOT like it when dean is mad at him. so they did kiss and make up, and so this cas would have had dean to act as his morality chain. but he’s still very scary and godstiel. and also he refers to dean as “The Beloved” you know. his purpose is to freak everyone out, because he’s scary, but also, for the past cas-es, because he is a terrifying abomination that they could never imagine becoming, for the future cas-es, because he is a reminder of their worst selves, and for dean, because he is a reminder of how dangerous cas is, but also because he uh. obviously has some feelings about his dean. unclear if they are consummated or not.

- a cas who naomi never rescued from purgatory, and who stayed there. hasn't spoken to another being in half a decade, has not recovered from his emotionally destroyed state in purgatory in s8. believes at first that the spell is his dean rescuing him, and is crushed when he realizes he was wrong. like endverse cas, his purpose is to show dean how much cas needs him and depends on him emotionally, and how he (dean) is capable of destroying cas, as well as his guilt for leaving him in purgatory and how lucky he is that his cas got out. this is especially noteworthy since the guilt for leaving cas in purgatory is part of the reason dean is trying to get cas back.

- a cas who stayed human after season nine, and has built himself a small human life over the next four years. he has a job and an apartment and friends outside the winchesters and yes, he still goes hunting after work sometimes, and he's still in contact with dean, but he is also independent in a way no other version of cas has ever been. he exists to freak out dean because dean has never seen cas independent of him. he is also fairly bitter at dean since dean did kind of stop spending time with him when he was no longer useful, and our dean feels guilty for that.

- a cas who showed up twenty minutes later in 10x03, finding sam dead and dean gone, and had to chase down demon dean, and has now spent three years following demon dean around as his tragically adoring stalker, because he hasn't found a way to resurrect sam yet and he doesn't want to put dean through the demon cure until he can save sam because he doesn't want dean to experience that guilt, but he also adores dean and wants to keep an eye on him and keep him safe and also keep him from doing anything too heinous, so he just covertly follows him around the country and watches from a distance as he commits various murders and fucks his way through every local bar scene. and occasionally cas finds dean something to kill, when the mark gets hungry, and drops it in his path. his purpose is to freak dean out with the lengths cas would go for him, and the depths cas would sink to.

anyway. lebanon cas and season four cas are horrified and perhaps disgusted (lebanon cas more than s4 cas) by ALL of the later cas-es, and how far they’re fallen, all of it for dean. godstiel and archangel cas being abominations, endverse cas and s9 cas being fallen, even purgatory cas and demon dean’s cas for their total dependence on dean.

purgatory cas and endverse cas are just happy to see a dean, even if it’s not their dean. demon dean’s cas, too, in a way. he’s happy to see a dean who is still human, who he can still have as a friend.

human cas is pissed to see that he was right, that dean would have stuck by him if he’d still had his powers, that this version of dean is doing spells to try and bring his cas, who is still an angel, back, whereas he and his dean only see each other once every couple months.

everyone is terrified and disgusted by godstiel, as i said before.

they’re mostly kind of thrown by archangel cas. a lot of them are jealous. godstiel is furious because how dare anyone, even an alternate version of himself, take dean as a vessel (even if dean likes it). godstiel isn’t really there, though, he resisted the summoning and just sort of popped his head through to see what was going on, and he goes back to his own reality pretty fast without murdering anyone.

also to be clear dean has not at this point examined or acknowledged any feelings he may have about his cas besides “friendship,” nor has he wondered what feelings his cas may have for him. given how many of the cas-es were clearly in some kind of relationship with their dean (endverse cas, archangel cas) or just openly in love with their dean (godstiel, purgatory cas, demon dean’s cas), dean is forced to reevaluate the nature of his and cas’ relationship.

[ckneal]

Sometimes I need to remind myself that not everyone watched Supernatural with an ongoing gen fic happening in their head, all about the family life of the angels before Chuck’s disappearance and the rise of humanity. And as such, not everyone was constantly compiling stray details thrown out about the angel characters, clustering them together into this rubber band ball of ideas that was just so fun to play with.

I mean, for instance, not everyone took in the way the other angel characters seemed to look down their noses at the cupid characters (who, it’s worth noting, are never once referred to by their individual names, but instead by the human pet name for their category of cherub [which in Lucifer’s case, was certainly framed as an unflattering term], despite Castiel once boasting that he knew everyone in Heaven), and reason to themselves that it was surely because the other angels were jealous. Because obviously, the cupids are given classified information from God himself about what bloodlines he wants to see continued and merged for the sake of his Plan, putting these silly, non-combatant angels on par with the archangels in terms of secret knowledge about what was to come. For the first couple billions of years of existence, while the other classes of angels were sitting around with nothing to do, they all had to watch the cupids happily zipping around the earth, cooing over blue-green algae and gradually coaxing different species into existence with their magic love arrows. And every time a significant milestone was reached, they also had to watch as the insipid little harbingers of love scooped the newborn creature up and raced over to the nearest archangel to excitedly show them their progress, like a little kid with their first art project. And the archangel in question, regardless of which one, would nod encouragingly and smile as the cupid in question babbled about the tiny, tiny lungs this fish had, or the beginnings of feet at the ends of its fins. Even Lucifer, who would also add the additional suggestion to try and give the next one more teeth.

Additionally, not everyone looked at the way that Lucifer was able to just insert himself into Sam’s head from inside the cage, and considered how Azazel needed to visit a specific geographic location to communicate with Lucifer, and even then was only just barely able to do so, and thus came to the conclusion that clearly Michael and Lucifer must have come to an agreement to pool their powers to project Luci’s image into Sam’s head. Which explains why Sam’s special link disappears right after leaving the cage, and also why Michael didn’t interfere when Lucifer was freed, even though season 15 makes it clear that Luci did not sneak quietly out the backdoor. Michael was fully aware who was responsible for the jailbreak, thus leading us to consider that perhaps Lucifer was supposed to turn around and free Michael and Adam in turn, but did not. Thus leading us to imagine Michael spending roughly a year (Earth time) tapping his foot in the cage, until . . .

“He’s not coming back for us, is he?”

And Adam, cracking open a molecule-flavored soda (manifested courtesy of Michael), snickers. “Nope. Told you not to trust him.”

“Right. . .” Michael exhales, looks around for a moment, settles on side-eyeing Adam. Then, with an air of ‘fuck it’ says, “Want to make out?”

And Adam promptly chokes on his soda.

And not everyone heard Metatron specifically say that he personally tattooed the names of every prophet of the Lord ever on the inner eyelids of every angel, and immediately had the thought, “Poor Michael” spring to mind. Because of course Michael was the first one on the proverbial chopping block, trying his best not to flinch as his little brother gradually figured out how to handle the needle. (To this day, Michael is still not sure if the prophet after Chuck Shurley is named Kevin Tran or Rovim Frun). And all the while, Michael was probably also trying his best not to worry about how things were going on Earth while he was busy getting his eyes stabbed.

After all, Lucifer was God’s second eldest son, barely younger than Michael in the grand scheme of things. He could handle watching over their younger siblings for a little while. And Raphael and Gabriel were there to help. Everything would be fine.

However, Michael isn’t aware that about five minutes after being left in charge, Lucifer yelled, “HEY EVERYONE, CHECK THIS OUT!” And then promptly threw his grace into the body of a nearby pterodactyl. Possession being a new ability that Chuck had recently invented, the surrounding angels were mystified as Lucifer piloted the prehistoric reptile through a series of dizzying loop-de-loops that saw the poor creature—not suited to containing angel grace—explode midway through, leaving Lucifer gleefully giggling in the sky.

About half of the angels looking on gaped in horror.

Gabriel whispered to Raphael, “We’re still beta testing that, right?”

The other half of the gathered angels, however, like the impressionable young followers that they are, start grinning, because Lucifer is grinning, and he’s their cool older brother, and as Lucifer—relishing the attention—makes a beeline toward the earth’s one continent, Pangea, and an unsuspecting herd of ornithopods, these younger angels eagerly follow.

Soon, Earth is full of the anguished cries of cupids, watching their hard work blown to bits again and again. Swept up in the crowd, are Castiel and Balthazar. They watch Uriel and Zachariah excitedly throw their armored dinosaur bodies against one another in the moments before both vessels combust, after which Uriel and Zachariah excitedly dart off to take on new ones.

“Are we sure this is. . .okay?”

“Well, Lucifer is in charge. We’re supposed to follow his lead. . .aren’t we?”

Meanwhile, Raphael is frantically trying to stem the carnage. Several dinosaurs are levitating in mid-air, as Raphael tries to simultaneously keep them from exploding while also ordering the angels possessing them to vacate the vessels immediately. But none of them have ever taken a vessel before, and do not know how to get out of them without tearing them apart. Raphael keeps expanding their powers to more and more creatures as their young siblings continue to follow Lucifer’s example.

“GABRIEL, DO SOMETHING!”

“RIGHT!” Gabriel looks around, locates Lucifer running amuck in an apatosaurus that he’s forcing to walk on its hind legs, and fires off a lightning bolt to startle him out.

The lightning bolt misses its target in spectacular fashion, and several trees catch on fire.

Gabriel throws another lightning bolt.

“GABRIEL, THAT IS NOT HELPING!”

“RIGHT!”

Gabriel then grabs a giant meteor from outer space and begins trying to smother the flames by whacking it against the continent, to Raphael’s horror. More cupids begin to cry. Thick clouds of dust fly up, choking out natural light on the planet’s surface—now only illuminated by flames, as well as the magma that rises up out of the cracks that form in Pangea, as Gabe unintentionally creates the first tectonic plates from the sheer force of his assault on the planet.

Trees fall over. Fire continues to spread.

Lucifer is still in the apatosaurus, but he’s fallen onto his side, laughing hysterically.

“WATER, GABRIEL! USE WATER!”

“OH! RIGHT!”

Gabriel throws the meteor into a nearby sea, creating a tsunami.

It is at this point that Raphael abandons the dinosaurs to their sad fate, forgetting their solemn oath to not reveal any secrets regarding evolution and God’s plan, to broadly yell out to any and all of their angelic siblings who are listening, “QUICKLY, SAVE THE MAMMALS!”

And it is at this point, that Michael returns. Samandriel, clutching a dozen or so rodents in his wings, is the first one to spot him. All of Michael’s eyes are red and puffy from abuse. The cupids are sobbing, the Earth is battered, flooded, and scorched. Angels are getting into fist fights with reapers as they dart back and forth, trying to ferry as many warm-blooded creatures as they can find from the site of the catastrophe to the relative safety on the other side of the mountain range Gabriel accidently made when he bashed a crater into the planet—relative, as it turns out some of those new mountains are in fact volcanoes, and it took some trial and error to figure out how far away from an active volcano could be considered “safe.”

Nearby, Castiel and Balthazar are somehow both stuck inside the same mosasaur, beached from the tsunami, and loudly panicking as they struggle to de-possess it before it explodes. There’s a snapping sound, and then suddenly all of the angels still trapped (or willfully frolicking) inside vessels are ejected, at the same time that the fire goes out and the volcanoes cease erupting.

Consequently, everyone goes very still as Michael scans the damage and his bedraggled siblings. With humans not yet existing, the art of facepalming is not yet a thing. But looking at Michael, one might just expect him to invent the practice right then and there.

When Michael gets to Lucifer, he’s greeted with, “What? Pop’s 86-ing the lizard kingdom anyway!”

Michael promptly drags Lucifer off to Heaven.               

The next day, it was made an official rule, written into the very fabric of angelkind: vessels could only be taken after obtaining explicit consent.

Additionally, everyone agreed to never, ever mention the existence of the dinosaurs or how they ended ever again. And, rather than fixing the damage to the Earth’s surface, the tectonic plate situation was just sort of left to do as it would.

Many, many years later, Adam was shocked by Michael’s reaction when the cage door suddenly swung open in Hell. Adam had immediately surged to his feet in excitement, ready to leave and never come back.

Michael, however, remained stationary on the floor, squinting at the doorway, wondering what dystopian nightmare must be waiting on Earth after leaving his siblings unsupervised for a solid decade.

“Michael? You okay?”

“Adam, before we go back to Earth, I think I need to tell you a story. . .”

[wormstacheangel]

What are the best episodes with Castiel to watch?

Hello! Sorry, this took me a while to answer but here you go! If I miss some it’s cause I don’t remember anything or I was just Bleh about it.

Castiel Epiosdes

4x01 ICONIC 

4x16 ICONIC

4x20 Jimmy is important to Cas and I love him. 

4x22 ICONIC Greenroom. Cas picks a side aka Dean.

5x03 Cas and Dean being friends! Gay panic is real my friends. 

5x04 THE END. “It's the end, baby. “

5x13 “Sam is my friend.” 

5x14 Cupid (He made a cameo video it was cute) and Cas eating raw meat off the floor.

5x16 “You son of a bitch! I believed in-” OWW

5x17 Drunk Cas.

5x18 At this point he’s just done with everything. So he just carves, YES CARVES, an angel banishing sigil into his own chest. He does not hesitate.

Season 6 is good for Cas because the whole time he’s apart of a civil war and is just a terrible liar.

6x06 I am trying not to make this list about Destiel but the scene where Cas pours Dean’s drink. 

6x10 Pizza Man.

6x19 Baby in a trenchcoat aka leader of the heaven rebellion but sure Dean. He’s just cute. 

6x20 ICONIC 

6x21& 22 Both show that Cas is slowly realizing that he is not in control. 

7x01 The whole episode is wild but Cas just going to heaven and saying I’m Daddy now really takes the cake. (not the actual words he used.)

7x02 Cas’s death #3?

7x17 MISHA -- OH um, I mean CAS to the rescue lol

7x21 His cute little laugh! Honey!Cas has my heart and soul. Bonus Destiel: “ When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost!” RIP Hester Queen

7x23 “Cursed or not.” Also his little smile when he asks for the plan ahh!

aka all episodes in s7 with Cas in it is worth watching.

Okay, I’ll try to control myself now but watch all of s8 cause its beautiful.

8x02 We see Dean’s POV to the purgatory portal scene. Also, hear Cas’s reason for leaving Dean.

8x07 We see Cas’s POV of the purgatory pov scene. Also, learn how Cas escapes purgatory. 

8x08 “I’m gonna be a hunter.” He’s so CUTE!

8x10 Cas needs a hug. Please.

8x17 ICONIC. “what broke the connection?” AHH

8x21 Badass Castiel

8x22 & 23 Castiel wants to do good. He wants to help but he just puts his trust in the wrong people. It hurts me so much. Look he’s just a small child and he is dealing with a lot right now. 

Season 9 Cas looks good. Like fanservice time father of two!

9x01 First look at human Cas!

9x03 I can’t watch this ending again. It’ll make me spiral. But it’s a good human Cas and destiel episode. Also, fuck April. She gross. 

9x06 ICONIC BLESSED jilted lover. 

9x09 He looks good.

9x10 “I prefer the word trusting. Less dumb. Less ass.” They are both dumbasses.

9x11 Sam & Cas chaotic vibes

9x14 Cas storyline with the angels starts or at least makes it more clear idk

9x18 Gabriel! Also, “Damn it, Dean!” and Cas accepts his role as a leader. The angels are dumb. 

9x22 Sam & Cas dream team lol Also, Cas picks Dean over heaven again.

9x23  “--and for what again? Oh, that's right -- to save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right? Well, guess what. He's dead, too.”

10x01 Cas draped across the bed like a victorian lady waiting for her husband to come back from the war

10x03 You know that scene where he’s lying on the floor bloody and dying and the Crowley saves him. And then Cas glows and heals with grace and he’s glaring up at Crowley? You know that scene. Yeah. Bonus: I’m gay and bloody Hannah is also hot. Small tip: Ignore the creepy/gross Hannah and Cas set up the writers are trying to do. They are siblings. 

10x09 Claire! That’s his daughter!

10x10 Claire and Cas make me cry.

10x14 Deleted scene of “Maybe he’s your boyfriend.” 

10x17 Sam & Cas! They are best friends, you guys!

10x18 Charlie and Cas meet! AND THEY ARE ALL HAPPY AND I CRY

10x20 Claire! Cas get’s her a birthday present, grumpy cat stuffy, and she keeps it! And I cry. And she saves him. And she cares about him. 

okay 10x21 cause of Charlie and Cas but also fuck this episode. Charlie deserved better. 

10x22 ICONIC gosh damn it. I-

10x23 Just for backstory for Cas in s11. Our poor boy can't catch a break. 

I worked on this for two hours now Nonny and I don’t even care. I miss Cas.

Season 11 hurts my damn soul because of Cas. I won’t include Casifer, though it was A LOT of fun to watch him.

11x01 “Dean, did it work?” I wanna hold this poor sad madly in love man. 

11x02 I can’t handle the torture. He looks so sad.

11x03 Bless you director, Jensen Ross Ackles.

11x04 Okay, not a lot of Cas but I love this episode. 

11x06 They don’t talk about his trauma but they show us a little when he tries to leave the bunker. And I cried. Once again. Let. Me. Hold. Him. 

11x10 Ambriel glad you are dead cause you were SO rude. Also, Amara girly, queen, I love you but apologize. Stop being mean to Castiel.

11x22 Cas get’s to talk and that’s nice

11x23 “I can go with you.” Sir, you just came back from being possessed by THEE satan and now you are ready to die by your future husband's side. You need therapy. 

Okay, I stopped watching live after season 11 because of the way they treated Cas so these next seasons I binged watched ( a couple of times) but wasn’t apart of the fandom so it feels like I didn’t fully grasp them. But here we go!

12x01 Cas meets his mother-in-law. Also the little, “Dean!” when he hugs him. 

12x02 Cas and Mick :)

12x03 Agent Beyonce and Zee lol Cas and Crowley and should have had a sitcom 

12x08 Cas gets a text (angel radio) that he’s gonna be a Dad and it looks like when Alice had a vision of the Volturi in Breaking Dawn Part 2 lol

12x09 Let me hug Cas! He’s sad over his family being gone. Also, Mary, I love you but I don’t forgive anybody for being mean to Cas. All the Winchesters are on thin fucking ice with me. 

12x10 ICONIC destiel. Cas in a female vessel. 

12x12 ICONIC “I love you. I love all of you.” 

12x19 Worried husband Dean. Excited soon-to-be father Cas.

12x23 Cas dies (again) from child birth.

Watch the first few episodes of season 13 for the famous widower arc cause wtf they gave us THAT. Also, I don’t care for the other world storyline so I pushed that out of my head. 

13x04 Cas annoying a cosmic entity. Fun fact! I dislike the trenchcoat cause it looked so stiff and the color was off idk didn’t look great but Cas looked beautiful when he looks up at the sun! Ah!

13x05 IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN

13x06 ICONIC BROKEBACKNATURAL Also, Jack and Cas meet and I cried damn it. “I missed you.” That’s his son!

13x07 Cas doesn’t put anybody or anything above his baby boy

13x12 Cas has the dumbest husband but at least Cas stabs lucifer. Bet Misha felt good

13x14 Badass Cas. He’s a top. lol 

13x16 ICONIC Cas looks...great. Like, watch it. I would do anything for cartoon!cas

13x19Just cause Cas faced someone who tortured him and it’s made to seem like he should get over it and it pisses me off. But Naomi is so cool so idk I like her but would fight her

13x22 Otherworld Cas is there and Cas just kills himself. He needs therapy. 

13x23 Cas’s face when Dean says yes. Also, family hunting trip yay

14x01 Dadstiel! Also, Cas looks good. 

14x03 Dadstiel.

14x07 Dadstiel. “Losing a son feels different.” And I cry. 

14x08 “because I love you Jack. And Sam and Dean--they love you.” THEY DO LOVE HIM AHHHH! Also, Empty deal is made as an excuse for the writers to do something with Cas later. 

I just realized season 14 is just Cas trying desperately to keep his family together. He’s trying to take care of them and he has the right words to say to everyone but not much happens besides him wanting to be a family man. 

14x14 gay on gay violence lol Also another family hunting trip! 

14x15 Fav episode! I just love Sam & Cas’s dumb chaotic energy in this ahaha! They are best friends damn it!

14x18 Cas is trying desperately to keep his family together and he feels responsible for Mary

14x19 Cas should have been allowed to kick Sam and Dean’s dumb flat asses for locking his baby boy in a box. 

14x20 AHHH

Divorce arc! All of s15 is great! Except you know...19&20 but we ignore that in this house. 

15x03 ICONIC but I will never watch it again

15x06 dude, they really be broken up. Cas kicks ass by himself and he’s fishing and he’s so cute. 

15x09 ICONIC Let him talk, Castiel!

15x11 Cas is THEE best Dad and let’s Jack eat hearts

15x13 Just for the family.

15x15 :(

15x17 Cas working to keep his baby boy

15x18 :( I mean at least he’s out but :(

Okay, this took me all day and I had fun! Nobody is gonna read it but who cares cause I just spent my day thinking of Cas when I had a pretty shit day so thanks, Nonnie! 

[phynali]

Dean’s Body as a Punching Bag

Ever since I made this post about Sam and (his lack of) bodily autonomy (as well as the follow-up post that carries the theme through the other 10 seasons), I’ve been trying to determine what the corollary for Dean is. Re-watching 5x01 made it jump out at me in a huge way:

The bodies of the people that Dean loves are consistently used in a way that hurts/harms Dean and metes out violence against him. And it is specifically his loved ones’ bodies themselves, not shapeshifters or lookalikes or Leviathan either. It is the people he loves’ hands and fists and weapons.

(I need a snappier way to word that, but bear with me).

Where Sam’s bodily autonomy violations occur before he’s born, and are seen as early as the pilot with Azazel in his room and with the Woman in White, Dean’s analogous theme doesn’t sneak in until the mid-season finale with Asylum.

In this episode, Sam gets infected with a sort of ghost-possession/ghost-sickness (another example of a violation of his bodily autonomy) and his internal anger becomes external, focused on Dean. Sam attacks Dean violently, and Dean goes so far as to hand over a (thankfully unloaded) gun and in this altered state, Sam actually tries to shoot him. 

Ouch. The person Dean loves and most wants to protect had his body violated and used against Dean. This theme is going to carry us through the next, eh, 10 or so seasons, with some tail-end examples even after that. 

In Season 1 we have Asylum mid-season, and we have the finale in which John is possessed by Azazel and hurts Dean most grievously, almost kills him. In Season 2, Sam is possessed by Meg and shoots Dean (in the arm). In Season 3, we had a writers’ strike and a season cut short so I can’t think of any examples there (but lots of other shit to unpack for another day).

The in Season 4, we have Sex and Violence, which is super interesting. While Dean is the one targeted by the siren and therefore the one whose body is used against his brother to hurt him, the actual violence doesn’t start until Sam is also infected. Sam’s body is violated by being held at knifepoint by his brother and his mouth forced open to accept the siren’s venom, but then it’s a fist-fight, a showdown. Both brothers’ bodies being used to hurt the other, but getting to that point required Sam’s body to similarly be ready to be used against Dean.

Season 5 is literally bookended by instances of this happening. First, true to the idea that Dean sees Bobby as family, Bobby becomes possessed by a demon and he violently attacks Dean. And then Swan Song, most famous example by a huge margin, Sam is possessed by Lucifer and is fist-fighting Dean, destroying his face and killing him with his fists, and it is his overwhelming love for Dean that allows him to overcome this possession and save the world.

The theme is carried forward for a few more seasons, pretty much until that narrative turning point in Season 10 that I mentioned in my post about Sam. In Season 6, soulless!Sam allows Dean to be hurt by a monster, harming him by proxy. In season 7, Sam is hallucinating and almost shoots Dean. In season 8, Cass is programmed by Naomi to kill Dean, and in the episode Goodbye Stranger beats him to a pulp before overcoming this programming. In season 9, when Gadreel reveals himself and takes over Sam’s body and kills Kevin, he also attacks Dean. 

Skipping Season 10 for a hot sec (more on that below), Lucifer also later possesses Cass in Season 11 and harms both Sam and Dean. In Season 12, we get brainwashed Mary attacking her sons (and overcoming possession thanks to Dean). And possibly examples from S13-15 that I’m missing (Garth being affected by Michael? Cass being affected by Rowena’s spell? Both Sam and Dean were affected by the Witch from Wizard of Oz, right? I honestly can’t recall the late seasons near so well). But regardless we see the theme play out in the final 5 seasons, just less and a bit different than it had prior. 

-

Now, let’s unpack the S10 shift a bit, and why it changes things for this theme of Dean’s.

In S9, Dean takes on the Mark of Cain under the weight of guilt and self-loathing from having violated Sam’s bodily autonomy by tricking him into being possessed by an angel (and forcibly having him possessed by a demon to then fix that angelic possession). In this instance, Dean is willfully taking on something that alters his own body, and the narrative between he and Sam is flipped. Now Dean is the one with something ‘evil’ marring his body and impacting it outside his control, and now Sam is the one who is ignoring Dean’s protests and autonomy in order to save him from this thing, consequences be damned.

That 2.5 season role-reversal arc was huge for how it changed Sam’s storyline for the final 5 seasons, and similarly huge for how it impacts Dean’s.

Dean is now the one whose body is being used as a weapon against those he loves most, and he is the one suffering that loss of autonomy and control over himself. He is sick with bloodlust, is turned into a demon, is drawn to the First Blade, and is not in full control of himself. When the Darkness is unleashed and Dean suffers the emotional consequences of feeling tied to and drawn to this monster (woman? celestial being? godlike person?) against his will. 

The Mark/Darkness narrative shows us that Dean’s body might belong to him, but it too can be corrupted against his will. Dean learns that he won’t always be able to choose, learns what it means not to have control over his own body. That while he puts his family as his duty above all else, while he would sacrifice literally everything (his body, his soul, the entire universe) for his little brother, the opposite might also be true, even if Dean doesn’t want it to be. 

(And I said elsewhere that I fundamentally believe this narrative role-reversal was a consequence of him overstepping his ownership over Sam by tricking him into taking Gadreel. Their positions are swapped because they have to be, because narratively it becomes necessary for Dean to know what this loss of autonomy feels like, and for Sam to override his brother’s choices, or else they may never find a sense of equilibrium again).

By the time this Mark/Darkness narrative wraps up, Dean is fundamentally, irrevocably changed. Where in Season 5 it was completely unthinkable that he would agree to be a vessel for Michael, it is in the finale of Season 13, just two seasons after the Darkness storyline wraps up, that we see him take Michael into himself as a snap, in-the-moment decision. What was previously unthinkable is now canon. 

Because Dean is now different. Because his core of protecting Sam is the same, but his theme of how others' bodies are used against him has now upended itself, and he now has had his body used against others.

In my post about Sam, I said that in the end for the final seasons, the narrative has shifted from Dean owning Sam’s body to Sam also owning his own, and them acknowledging that they are in this together as a result of Season 10. I believe that happens with Dean as well, owing to this reversal. Sam has now taken some ownership over Dean’s body by getting rid of the Mark, and Dean has relinquished some of his tight-fisted control over himself. 

So Sam is sharing ownership over his body with Dean (in the vein of “I can’t pretend you won’t do whatever you can to keep me alive, even if I don’t want it, but we’re in this together” and “if we die we do that together too”), and Dean is also sharing ownership over his body with Sam (in the vein of “I’m no longer convinced you’re going to abandon me, so the things that I will do to keep you by my side will be met equal between us” and “when it comes to keeping you safe, it’s my autonomy I will give up first, not yours”). 

-

But what does this particular form of bodily-violence-from-family say about Dean from a thematic standpoint?

In my post about Sam, I talked about how the themes of possession (ghost and demon) and demon blood are inherently about bodily autonomy and free will. 

For Dean, thinking through this theme of his loved ones being used to hurt him, I’m torn trying to find the way to word it, but I feel that it has to do with his themes of self-effacement as love, as protection and duty. It’s about being willing to suffer anything (even to the point of death) to protect his family, the ones he loves most. Family is the end-all-be-all to Dean, and protecting his family (most especially his little brother) is the core and heart of his character. It is a duty and a responsibility and a calling and a purpose. 

To remix a quote from the film Legend, Dean’s devotion to his brother (and to a lesser extent, to everyone else he calls family) is how he measures himself. There’s no single word for it, as it’s a mix of protection as love, as an instinct, but also as a fundamental duty, an identity. His internal compass.

So Dean’s narrative invokes free will in a very different way than Sam’s. Dean always had and has free will. He had the will to sell his soul, the will to refuse Michael. He has autonomy over his body and he has choice, so much so that he makes choices over and over for Sam. Instead, Dean’s struggles with autonomy of self as related to his constant effacement (to the point of complete ego-destruction and physical loss of self) for the people he loves. He will die, sell his soul, let himself be beat to a pulp, and anything more that the situation calls for, so long as it means protecting or not harming his loved ones.

The original Swan Song end is a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions, in the style of Greek tragedy. Sam’s struggle for autonomy, and the moment he claims that autonomy for himself, he falls into the Pit for eternity. Dean’s original intended Swan Song ending is analogous: a struggle to exist as more than his duty to his family, and right after he accepts that Sam is allowed to choose Lucifer and death for himself while Dean may continue on living, he then chooses to fall into the Pit after his brother so they could be together (in Hell, in the Cage) eternally.

Both of them have these absolute tragic flaws and in the first Kripke-era arc, tragic sacrificial ends. Sam’s relating to will and autonomy, Dean’s relating to love, family and protection/duty. Both of them belonging to themselves and to each other.

-

-

A few extra things about this theme worth noting:

1. the people who love Dean are always in an altered state when they harm him, whether it be possession, brain-washing, siren venom, soulless, etc etc, which I think goes to show in some ways how this love as a given to people who will never deliberately harm him.

2. in a huge proportion of these instances, Dean is saved by the person who loves him reclaiming themselves over and above their altered state. John overcomes Azazel’s possession (arguably, I would say, deliberately from Azazel, but let’s not quibble). Bobby stabs himself in the stomach to save Dean. Cass overcomes Naomi’s brainwashing. Sam overcomes the literal Devil possessing him. Mary overcomes some brainwashing (I think?). Etc. So Dean's love as sacrifice is rewarded?

3. Sam’s body is the most frequently used to harm Dean.

[clairewolf]

i would love to read a meta about your thoughts on possession horror theory since all the main characters are possessed at one point its something I haven't seen much discussion on but is super interesting since they all have such different relationships with possession!

okay this IS something i have been going off about at all times so i'd love to but be aware my thoughts on this are always super disjointed and incoherent (which is why i make video edits bc i feel like i can communicate them there clearer by connecting different clips from the show to express my point) AND this will be under the cut bc i talk about how possession -> sexual violence is like. the core premise of how possession works in spn

SO like to start with. possession in spn is pretty much inextricable from sexual violence, not just because of the act of possession itself but bc of how the show talks about it. with the case of meg and her 1.0 vessel, it's extremely blatant — in 4.02 she says "Seriously, I'm just a college girl. Sorry — was. I was walking home one night and got jumped by all this smoke. Next thing you know, I'm a prisoner..." and that is just word for word about the most textbook sexual assault scenario people think up. so that's there on a metaphorical level already, but there's also a literal level with meg actually sexually assaulting three different characters (sam in 1.16, jo in 2.14, dean in 5.02 — all while assaulting the vessel she's in at the same time), and demon deals being sealed with a kiss is also another way that manifests (and the horror in that is especially heightened in cases like bela's demon deal — she was A Child and making that deal to Escape Abuse At Home To Begin With — and mary's deal — azazel was literally possessing Her Father at the time)

then you have angels where their premise is that they can't occupy a vessel without their consent. like that's their Rule. but getting a "yes" means so little when you are going up against an angel like that. they can't technically lie to get your consent, but they can misrepresent the truth all they want. angels are all powerful and they can promise their vessels that they'll fix all of their problems. sam tells lucifer that he'll die before saying yes to him and lucifer says he can just resurrect him, there's no way to avoid him. i think a lot about what castiel must have said to claire to get her to agree to become his vessel — in my head he told her that if she agrees, he will bring jimmy home bc that is exactly the kind of thing a ten year old in her situation would agree to. and then castiel goes to jimmy and tells him. "it's time to go home now. your real home. you'll rest forever in the fields of the lord." and to cas that is… Keeping His Promises. but i'm sure claire internally was going I DIDN'T AGREE TO THAT. so angel consent is really just as flimsy as straight up demon possession, to me.

aaaand then of course you have the sam and gadreel plotline wherein sam is LITERALLY tricked into saying yes and kept locked away living fake realities in his brain when gadreel takes over and dean keeps lying to sam's face so sam doesn't find out the truth about what is happening in his own body etc etc. gadreel manipulated dean into it by lying about his own identity and lying about how long he would stay in sam and just generally lying about everything. it's obviously extremely loaded and horrifying for sam who already has so much body/possession trauma behind him at that point (lucifer, meg, that kid in swap meat, etc you get the picture!) AND struggling with perception of reality post-hell AND on top of that gadreel like. kills sam's friend. while wearing his body. so sam has that to deal with forever on top of all of these other retraumatizing sets of circumstance. [sam is also the victim of the MOST sexualized language when it comes to possession, eg lucifer is wearing you to the prom eg you're like that prom date that keeps turning me down eg a dozen other lucifer lines i don't expect you want me to repeat in this post]

with dean i think a lot of problems stem from the idea that he is Made for doing x thing. like he's made for being a hunter he's made for watching out for his brother he's daddy's blunt little instrument. he Could change and he's constantly taunted by all the ways that he could change but he won't, bc he thinks it's too late for him, or that bad things will happen if he does, or he's just not capable of changing for good. so then you get the angels telling him that he's Made to be michael's perfect vessel and taunting him with visions of how he will ruin the entire world and everything he cares about if he says no and that breaks him down like, pretty fucking fast. and he survives season 5 without saying yes to michael at the cost of sam jumping into the pit with lucifer which is obviously. everything he was most afraid of happening anyway. and then fast forward eight years and alt universe michael makes dean his vessel anyway so the theme of Inevitability is just always There he really was Made To Be This

and then cas is, as i was talking about earlier with @eurydicecas (hi i hope u do not mind the tag), the only one who has been on BOTH sides of this like cas possessed jimmy and then lucifer possessed cas and it's like — the show never really gives the proper attention to how cas feels about all of this, we know he says yes because he's suffering from chronic I Want To Feel Useful To The Winchesters (dean) disorder but the aftermath of that is really barely explored and it's just a huge missed opportunity. but we were also talking about how with angels and consent it's like angels aren't always cognizant of how much they stack the deck against their vessels to control their consent — they think that as long as they can promise their vessel goes to heaven and lives in eternal peace in the end, does it really matter whether they die at 30 or at 80? the preciousness of human life and their time on earth is just NOT something they understand, and most of them don't want to understand, but cas does learn that! he grows to love the world like a human would and even spend time as one and feel as one and THEN… be used as a vessel as one for lucifer. like. by that point it's NOT jimmy's body it is HIS body he feels a sense of pride in it he feels at home in it and then he spends all that time waiting in the bunker kitchen in his brain its just fhfkgsmd. insane.

anyway none of this is truly meta it's just me getting a ramble of thoughts out about this because it is something i am extremely passionate about and love to talk about but it's so hard to get my thoughts about it out in an organized way bc at the end of the day it all just makes me !! so !! insane !!

[nonagesimus]

Fic prompt, something with this idea? https://katsidhe.tumblr.com/post/644319537824694272/so-ive-been-thinking-a-lot-lately-about-some-sort

everyone go say thank you to @katsidhe for the (as usual) lovely meta

—

Sam had a bit of a bone to pick with one Jimmy Novak, in that when Jimmy had said being possessed by an angel was like being chained to a comet, he’d been understating things.

Saying yes to Lucifer he'd been terrified but resolute. He'd fight his way to the surface because he had to, because it was the only option, because otherwise he'd be tied up in the passenger seat watching millions of people die. And he'd said yes and been pinned to card like an insect on display, feeling the museum burn down around him. But more. In his body and not. Burning and frozen solid. The tiniest fly caught between Lucifer's immense fingers, quaking as a voice that sounded like universes dying and universes being born said, "We're going to have so much fun together, Sam."

Lucifer let him feel it every time someone died at his/their hands. Had him watch, did not let him look away.

Not chained to a comet, he was the comet and he was burning, and growing, and breaking, and he was never, ever going to hit the ground.

When he'd managed to wrestle control, riding on the absolutely certainty that he could not watch his hands kill his brother, that he would end this because only he could, he'd been fighting against every fibre of his being. Every atom screaming relax. Let it happen. It'll hurt less if you stop fucking pushing.

He'd pushed. He'd jumped.

His brain still bumped up against the idea of if knowing was better or not.

With Gadreel there had been no sense of the chain at all. Just clean snips of what he remembered and what was just gone, until reality blended neatly into the daydream of regular life that Crowley had found him in. It hadn't felt like being a bug pinned to card, when he'd realised. He was a rat in a maze. If the maze was alive, trying it's hardest to keep him trapped. A vibration in the floor that felt like a truck going past. An alien heartbeat echoing through the corridors of the bunker.

But, see, rats were good at chewing through walls.

It still meant Sam never wanted that again.

--

Maybe they’d forgotten that, sure, Lucifer absolutely liked cutting people open and rooting around in their insides, and he liked putting pressure on a fulcrum until something cracked, and he liked watching people fear him. But he also liked spells, and plans, and the long con. And the spells, and plans, and the long con meant that Cas was fucking disintegrating.

“We need more time,” Sam said, hands flat on the pages of the book he’d been reading. “Cas, is the spell tied to you, or is it tied to the vessel?”

“It’s tied to my physical form,” Cas said, bundled in blankets and curled in one of the library chairs. He’d been adamant he could help, even though Sam could tell his eyes had to be blurring too hard to read anything. “I don’t see why that helps us-“

“So we get you in another vessel,” Sam said. “Let this one degrade for now, fix the curse.”

“I’m not bringing Claire into this,” Cas said, distressed, and angry, and if Sam knew him at all, scared.

“Not Claire,” Sam said. “Me. I was built to hold an archangel, right, I should be able to hold you.”

Cats looked at him, cloudy eyes, and trembling muscles, and the skin melting off him.

"Sam," he said.

"Cas," Sam said. "Yes."

There was a long pause and they looked at each other and then the axis of the earth shifted.

A rumble and a flash of light: there was the maze. There was the card and pin. There was the fire. No eyes to shut, no fists to clench, because that was how these things worked. And he'd meant the yes, he'd meant it with every fibre of his being, but maybe he could've used a little time to prepare, because his whole chest was seizing up, and- that meant he had a chest to seize up.

"Sam?"

A voice but not. His voice, but not. In his head, and there was fire, sure. There was a comet there vibrating with arrested momentum, but every single chain was slack.

Carefully, he moved his hands and braced himself on the back of a chair. Breath still running short. But he was moving under his own power.

"Cas?" he gasped.

It did not feel like Cas taking use of his hands. It felt like Cas gently laying his hands over Sam's. "I'm here. You're in control."

"I know, I know," he said, white-knuckling it despite himself. And Cas knew, had to. Wasn't just brushing against his soul this time, this time he was inside it. "I know, I trust you." Because he did. He did, his body was just having a hard time remembering.

"I understand, Sam," Cas said, inside his head. "I will not use you. And if you need my help you need only ask." There was a gentle withdrawal, like Castiel was carefully folding himself into the smallest space he could. Not hidden, just trying to be unobtrusive.

Breathing careful, heartbeat slowly returning to normal, Sam rubbed a hand over his face. "Ok," he said. "Ok, let's keep looking. You can figure out how to explain to Dean why your body's in the corner."

There was a pulse of warmth from the back of his head as he turned back to his books.

[destihellhound]

We Write Our Own Destiny

Canon-divergent ending to 15x19, ignoring 15x20. Also on AO3 | ff

Tagging @destielintheimpala because she’s my best friend and @ineffable-cas because I remember seeing them asking to be tagged in any fix-it fics.

"I won't be hands on," Jack told them. "Chuck put himself in the story - that was his mistake. But I learned from you and my mother and Castiel that when people have to be their best, they can be. And that's what to believe in. Well... I'm really as close as this," he said, placing a hand over his heart. Then he raised his hand in a stationary, dorky wave. "Goodbye."

"Wait!" Dean said, as Jack turned to walk away. "What about Cas? Chuck pulled Lucifer out of the Empty, you can save Cas!"

Jack raised his hands, palms outwards. "I'm hands-off, Dean."

"But it's Cas," Dean growled, taking a threatening step forwards. "We can't get to him there, and it's not like the Empty is just going to give him back if we ask nicely." When Jack didn't seem at all inclined to change his mind, he tried a different approach. "You owe me."

"Uh, Dean?" Sam said hesitantly. "Maybe not a good idea to piss off the new... Him."

"It's Jack, Sam," Dean said, glancing over his shoulder. "The kid who killed our mother." He turned on Jack. "You said you wanted to make it up to me? This is how you do that!"

"Dean, I—" Jack's eyes glazed over for a second as his attention seemed to be focused elsewhere. "She really does have a soft spot for you Dean," Jack told him before disappearing in a burst of divine light.

Dean stared at the space where Jack had stood, just a moment before. What the hell did that mean? Had Amara persuaded Jack to change his mind, or was he still against interfering?

"Hello, Dean."

Dean froze at the familiar voice, almost afraid to turn around. The last time he'd heard Castiel's voice, it had been Lucifer. He swallowed around the lump that had formed in his throat. What if it was just another trick?

"Hello, Sam."

"Hey, Cas," Sam said warmly, and his brother's voice was enough to have Dean turning.

Cas was smiling at Sam, though still visibly confused as to why he was back on Earth. When he turned to Dean, however, his smile faltered.

Dean wished he could say something, anything, to wipe that insecurity off Castiel's face because the angel was back where he belonged. He was always better with actions than words, however, so he strode up to Cas and wrapped his arms around him, hands clenching in that god-awful trench coat.

"Dean," Castiel began, unsurely.

"Later, Cas," Dean murmured in his ear. "Let's go home."

Dean felt like a great weight had been lifted from him as the angel hugged him back; a weight he hadn't even realised had been dragging him down.

"I'll make burgers. You love burgers."

"Everything tastes like molecules to me."

"Not the point," Dean said, leading them back to the car. "You are a part of this family, Cas - don't ever forget it."

"Hey, Dean?" Sam asked, a sudden thought striking him. "Do you think Adam... Michael was destroyed, but do you think Jack brought Adam back?"

"I hope so," Dean said. "That kid deserves to catch a break. We'll reach out, make sure everyone we know is back, and put out the word that we're looking for him."

"Okay."

As they got nearer the Impala, Dean saw Miracle sitting patiently beside the rear door.

"Oh, hell no..."

"Do you think he's got an owner around here?" Sam asked, looking around.

"We're not keeping the dog, Sam."

"You've changed your tune."

"That was different, okay?" He'd just lost Cas. "It was supposed to just be us, and then there was this little miracle and—"

Miracle barked, as if recognising his name.

Dean sighed. Looked at Sam. Ignored his brother's puppy-dog eyes. Looked at Cas. Took in the angel's hangdog expression.

"Oh, for..." He trailed off in defeat. "I am not feeding him. I am not walking him. And I am not vacuuming the hair out of Baby! That's your job," Dean told Sam. "And if you don't keep her clean, I will shoot you, and then I'll shoot Mir— the dog!" He turned to Miracle. "And you are not riding shotgun!" He got in the car and slammed the door.

"Do you want to ride up front?" Sam asked Cas, failing to hide his amusement at Dean's feigned dislike of their adopted four-legged friend.

The angel responded by getting in the backseat with the dog.

As they began the long drive back to the bunker, Sam texted Eileen. His relief at getting a response was nothing compared to the relief and joy that wiped years off his face when she answered his video call and he saw her face.

His relief echoed the feeling flooding through Dean for getting Cas back, and he glanced at the angel in his rearview mirror.

"I love you," Sam told Eileen, doubling down on his feelings by communicating them through ASL as well.

"I love you, too," she said.

"Get a room, you two," Dean teased them.

Sam called him a jerk as he dug his headphones out.

Dean didn't think Sam had said those three little words to anyone since Jess, and Dean himself had never said them; could never bring himself to say them. He glanced at Cas in the mirror again, chest constricting at the thought of losing Cas again. He'd lost him too many times, and was terrified that he'd lose him again.

Sam arranged for Eileen to meet them at the bunker, but in the end Dean volunteered to take a detour to her house so that Sam could ride home with her. Thankfully he took Miracle, too, and Cas moved into the front passenger seat.

"Is it later, yet?" he asked, once they were back on the road.

Dean swallowed. He had meant later, once they'd eaten and he'd had a chance to figure out what the hell he wanted to say. "I guess it is."

Cas sat there silently, minutes dragging by, until Dean realised the angel was waiting for him to speak. Cas had said everything he'd had to say before the Empty took him, and now it was Dean's turn.

"Look, uh, I've never... Guys aren't something that... If you know me, then you know that..."

"I am a multi-dimensional wavelength of celestial intent," Cas reminded Dean patiently. "It is the vessel that I am possessing that presents as male." He squinted. "I could take a female vessel, if that is something you would—"

"No!" Dean exclaimed quickly.

Cas swallowed. "It's not my vessel," he realised sadly. "It's that my feelings for you are not returned."

"Dude, that's not what I'm—" Dean trailed a hand down his face. "Losing you, it hurts. It hurts as much as losing Sam, only it's different, and I don't know what that means."

"I think," Cas began carefully, "it means that you love me. But you need to decide what kind of love it is that you're feeling. Familial, platonic, romantic..."

"What?"

"Do you love me as family, as a friend, or as a romantic partner? I loved you as a friend, then as family, and I grew to love you romantically - but I don't love you because I have a desire for sexual intimacy with you. As an angel that would be as disappointing as eating - merely experiencing the physical and hormonal sensations without feeling the accompanying pleasure. Though if that was something you desired I would be more than willing to oblige, but I don't see that as being something you would have an interest in. At least, not in this vessel. Yet you are unwilling for me to change vessels."

"It wouldn't be you, then."

"I would still be me, Dean."

"I know, I just mean..."

"You've gotten used to seeing me as Jimmy Novak."

Dean coughed. "Way to make it weird, Cas."

"All I want is to spend your life with you," Cas told him.

"You've always been welcome to do that, Cas. But you leave."

"Or you send me away."

Dean swallowed, knowing that Cas was thinking about his time as a human - when Gadreel, pretending to be Ezekiel, had insisted that Castiel could not be around him. "I'm sorry," Dean apologised. He'd apologised before, and would keep apologising. "You needed me, and I should have been there for you."

"You made the choice you did out of your love for Sam," Cas acknowledged. "And that love is one of the many reasons that I love you. I would settle for living your life with you as your friend, as family, if that was all you desired. But I hope for you to desire more."

Dean frowned. "I thought you said you didn't want sex?"

Cas stared at him for a long moment. "Commitment, Dean. A promise to spend your life with me, faithfully."

And Dean nearly drove the car off the road as he realised that 'commitment' meant no more one night stands, no more casual flings. He was such an idiot... But the more he mulled over the meaning of Castiel's words, the more he surprised himself to realise that he was okay with the idea. Sure, sex was pleasurable and fun, but without a meaningful, emotional connection to the other person involved it lacked something that always left him feeling physically satisfied but otherwise empty.

"Would you ever have told me how you felt?" he blurted out. "If you hadn't been trying to save me from Billie?"

"I don't think so," Cas admitted.

"Why not?"

Castiel stared out of the window, looking away from Dean. "Because to hear you tell me that my feelings were not returned, or worse, for you to ask me to leave, is something that would hurt too much."

"The Empty's definitely not coming back for you, right?"

"No, Dean. Our deal was fulfilled."

"Then say it again, Cas."

Castiel turned to him, slowly, with hope in his eyes. "I love you," he said quietly.

Dean shot Cas a meaningful look. "I know."

Hurt momentarily crossed Castiel's face, before realisation dawned and he beamed. "I understand that reference."

Dean laughed, and pressed his foot down on the accelerator.

"So, what now?" Sam asked, once they'd all pushed their plates aside, stuffed full on Dean's homemade burgers.

"Everything we've ever done has been because Chuck wanted it that way," Dean said. "From before we were even born, Heaven was manipulating Mom and Dad into a relationship. Hunting has been my life, but I don't want the job title to define me."

"Job title?" Sam echoed, amused.

"Yeah. 'Hunter' - I want to be more than that."

"Such as?"

"A teacher," Dean said. "I was thinking about it on the drive home - the next generation of hunters are growing up fast, and they need help just like Bobby helped us. And you were doing good, running that network of hunters from here. That could be our future - making our own way. Not hunters, or Men of Letters, but combining that into something that is ours. From now on, we write our own destiny."

Sam nodded thoughtfully.

"And I want to retire. At least partially. I want to live a life. I want to live my life. I want to be a brother," he said, looking at Sam. "Maybe even a brother-in-law?" he asked, giving Eileen a look that caused her to blush and Sam to kick him under the table. "And a... partner," he finished, looking at Cas. He wasn't sure what the right word was to describe what he wanted with Cas, but he had time to figure it out.

Sam cleared his throat. "You cooked, Eileen and I will clean up," he said, gesturing at their dirty plates. "Why don't you and Cas go, uh, watch some Netflix. And maybe chill." He chuckled to himself.

"Sure, that sounds like a great idea," Dean said, standing up and dragging Cas out of his chair. He failed to understand what Sam found so funny. "Maybe we can finish Game of Thrones - I hear that show had a terrible ending..."

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. LXVII

It was a love story from the very beginning.

You are the one in my heart (Part III)

(11x14)

Hello! Third part of this topic here! Very romantic!

I want to say thank you to @destielle , my beta fixing all this mess and making it readable! Thank you girl! 😘💕

We gonna talk about 'The Vessel', episode 11x14, it’s the one in which Dean discovers that Cas is possessed by Lucifer which leads to a huge change in his priorities.

Casifer takes advantage

When Dean and Sam call Castiel for his assistance with time travel, the cunning Archangel sees an opportunity in it.

Gif credit @mostly10

Dean has plenty of trust in his friend Castiel, but this will drive him into a series of events that won’t end good. So the whole point of the scene where they outline the plan of getting a specific weapon together is to get one point across: Dean’s trust in Castiel. Which also occurs to Casifer as he will take advantage of it.

But not just Dean trusts him, Sam, too.

When Casifer is not able to get inside the submarine, Sam thinks he’s sharing the same concerns with his friend Cas, reading wrongly from Casifers reaction. Lucifer gets so disgusted and done with all the corny love, worries and "sincere brotherhood" between Sam and Cas that he gets mad, maybe kind of jealous even, and reacts by openly showing himself and hurting Sam by reaching for his soul. 

That's when Castiel fights his way back to control, blocking Lucifer and speaking to Sam for a brief moment. And that’s when we find out what was raging inside Castiel's hurt heart to make him say yes to Lucifer…

Gif set credit @subcas

SAM: Cas? Why?

CASTIEL: I wanted to be of service to the fight. And only Lucifer can beat her.

SAM: You chose this? You have to fight, Cas! Eject him now!

CASTIEL: I can't! It's taking all my strength to keep him from killing you. And besides, we need him!

SAM: No Cas, we don't. We'll find another way to stop Amara!

CASTIEL: We need him to save Dean.

SAM: You can't time travel.

CASTIEL: Only Lucifer can.

Castiel wanted this. Castiel was feeling so useless and therefore desperate that it led him to do this.

And now Lucifer has the As. Sam and Cas need him to get Dean back from the time travel.

The Vessel

There's a scene in the submarine, where Delphine asks Dean to kill her. That’s a nod to the title of the episode, because we are representatively talking about Castiel here. Because Cas is the vessel. 

This is a Berens episode, so we should keep in mind that he likes to parallel cut scenes to make us see something, opening up new perspectives, connections… and he chose to parallel Daphne asking Dean to kill her with American Marines fighting a war against Germans. Why? Because to kill the vessel for the greater good is a war decision. BECAUSE LETTING  LUCIFER FIGHT USING CASTIEL'S VESSEL EVEN IF IT MEANS CASTIEL DYING FOR THE GREATER GOOD IS A WAR DECISION.

Pay attention to this…

DELPHINE (whispering) Kill me.

DEAN I don't have to kill you. Okay, I can just cut it, it will work.

Dean doesn't want to kill her, even if that's the wiser thing to do. 

DELPHINE Not with this. It's spell-bound to my blood, my heart. It’s power lives and dies with me. Do it!

This is a reflection of Castiel's vessel being possessed by Lucifer.

Lucifer knows 

One of my favorite scenes is Lucifer mocking Sam while mocking Dean's feelings for Castiel…

LUCIFER: I will touch your soul. Just because you asked so nicely, and I'll use your spell to blast through the warding and retrieve Dean and the uh, Hand of God, and then when Dean comes back and he finds this place decorated with your guts, I will tell him the truth, Sam. I'll just say, 'Dean - '

[LUCIFER pauses and smiles, before putting on his CASTIEL voice.]

Gif credit @danistiel 👇

- 'Dean… he knew the risks. He wouldn't take no for an answer.'

SAM: Lucifer.

LUCIFER: In the flesh.

Lucifer not just imitates Castiel's voice, but Castiel's puppy eyes as if he was looking at Dean. He is mocking the eye fucking, the feelings Dean has for his angel. He is mocking it because he knows about their relationship, every angel and demon knows about them, and now Lucifer knows it too, because he is inside of Cas. Because he senses Dean's longing for Castiel and vice versa. And he mocks them.

So… Lucifer knows… Sammy knows… and Amara noticing Castiel's beautiful blue eyes, calling him "blue eyes" is noticing his charm, too.

"I was just a witness"

Before I continue talking here I want to clarify something: Dean felt sorry for the submarine crew, but he was MORE WORRIED AND SADDER ABOUT LOSING CASTIEL IN FRONT OF HIS EYES.

With that being said, I want you to recall the way Delphine dies while using the Hand of God. She literally exploded because her body (her vessel) couldn't handle such a power. Dean saw that with his own two eyes.

After this he witnesses Casifer handling the Hand of God, of course he didn't know the weapon couldn't be used twice then. That's why Dean screams NO!!!! desperately, with horror in his eyes, because he thought right there Castiel's vessel could be destroyed in front of him just like Daphne was.

Then… at the end of the episode, we have this dialogue between Sam and Dean.

SAM: So.

DEAN So. Cas.

SAM: Yeah. What do we do?

DEAN: What else? We hunt Lucifer, trap the bastard, and save Cas.

SAM: Like I said. Lucifer may be in control now, but Cas may not come back willingly. I mean he chose it.

Gif credit @pinkman

DEAN: No. No, not possible.

Dean brings up the Cas topic, sitting alone, brooding, sad, worried. Sam sees him and approaches him like a good brother, to comfort him. 

Sam tries to explain that it was Castiel's choice, but Dean doesn't want to believe him, he says: ‘NO. NO, NOT IMPOSSIBLE.’ He denies it three times, with such a broken heart, you can tell from the look in his eyes.

So… what does Sammy? He changes the subject…

SAM: So how'd you get through today? I mean what did you do?

DEAN: Nothing. Sam, they…

[DEAN stares out over the water as he shakes his head. He looks close to tears.]

Gif credit @spacedudeee

DEAN: I was just a witness.

But Dean keeps talking about Cas here. He is sad, and mad at himself because he didn't see the signs. He didn't see Castiel's depression, he didn't want to hear his own voice saying Cas was acting weird. He wasn't there for Cas. And now he is in great danger. He could lose Castiel forever. And that's the one thing in his head, in his heart. That's the only topic he can think about. The following episodes will show us DEAN IS DESPERATE, DEAN ONLY WANTS TO GET CASTIEL BACK AT ANY COST. AMARA IS NOT THE CENTER OF HIS ATTENTION ANYMORE. ALL HIS THOUGHTS AND WORRIES ARE FOCUSED ON CASTIEL.

SAM: Do you wanna talk about it?

DEAN: No. No, story for another day.

Gif credit @hallowedbecastiel 👇

Gif credit @sammyhale

Sam also knows why his brother is so down. He knows it, but as always he respects the time Dean's needs to take first.

The camera zooms out, leaving behind a devastated Dean. Is he sad for the crew and Delphine? Of course, yes. But he only got to know them because he couldn’t see what was happening with Cas. And now it’s lost forever. Just like Cas could be.

We already know from previous episodes that Castiel is the one Dean is pining for, the one he is in love with, the one he desires. The only one in his heart. Writers enlightened us about that and now they're showing us unshed tears in Dean's eyes… because he could lose the love of his life... forever.

To Conclude: 

This episode talked about CASTIEL. And how Dean regrets not noticing his friend wasn't his friend anymore. This feelings are so strong and sad in Dean's heart that he even was about to cry.

Losing Castiel because he didn't see it coming, will be a heavy weight on his shoulders. 

And we saw the foreshadow of the war decision we will meet again in episode 11x18. War decision vs Heart decision.

Hope you liked this! See you in the next one!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20 @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@imjustkipping @destielle @agusvedder @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you want to read the previous metas From s11, here you have the links: LXII, LXIII, LXIV, LXV, LXVI

Buenos Aires, June 23 2020 6:37 PM

[myinconnelly1]

A Life Unlived- Life Goes On pt. 3

Masterlist / Previous

Word Count: 1380

A/N: Season 4 still good luck don’t murder me  Happy Bday Donna!  Merry Christmas everyone!

Warnings: smut, themes of cheating, canon gore, angst- oh so much angst

“You haven’t said thank you yet,”  Castiel said flatly, as he stood in Myin’s bedroom.

“What are you doing here?”  She asked sitting up in bed, startled by his presence.  She could see the face of the vessel that he was possessing but also the ethereal light that made up his essence as an angel.

“You called for me, ask me for a favor, witch.  You know why I am here.  Now I need you to start paying off your debt.  Starting with Sam Winchester’s infatuation with the demon.  What do you know about her?”  Castiel asked.

“I only just found out that she was a demon.  Sam and Dean knew her before Dean died, but she had a different host I guess.  That’s all I know about her.  That and the blood.  Sam is drinking her blood,”  Myin spewed the words faster than she had planned to.  Then looked around her motel.  It didn’t feel right to her, but she didn’t know why.  “Is this a dream?”

“Yes, very perceptive.  Why did you summon me?”  Castiel asked.  Myin realized this was an interrogation without the torture.

“Dean needed to be saved.  Sam and I were looking for a way to do it, but we only found the spell that I used.  Sam doesn’t know that I cast the spell.  Dean either.”  Myin admitted dropping her gaze.  “How is that I can see you?”

“You gave me your sight as part of your payment. ‘So that I may see what is happening,’ if I recall,”  Castiel said.  He was all business.  Had he been human, Myin would have assumed he would have made a joke about the situation.  

“So you saved Dean? And now I can see you.  An Angel?”  Myin shook her head, she should have stayed out of this entire thing.

“Yes,”  Castiel said.  “You’ve always believed haven’t you?”

“I’ve always suspected there was something, but I didn’t know what it was,”  Myin rubbed her face trying to wake herself to be more aware.

“Don’t do that,”  Castiel said warningly.

“Do what?”  Myin said realizing that her skin was tingling and she had a headache starting.

“Try to wake up.  I’m keeping you here, you are no match for me,”  Castiel said matter-of-factly.

“What do you want me to do?”  Myin asked rubbing her skin trying to stop it from itching.

“Whatever Dean needs you to do.  He needs you to be strong, or he won’t survive Sam’s problem,”  Castiel’s voice echoed in Myin’s mind as she sat up in her bed drenched in sweat.

“Mommy, I have to go potty,”  Dani whispered as she stood in Myin’s room.  “It’s okay Mommy, the nice man will keep you safe.”

“The nice man?”  Myin asked looking at her oldest daughter with concern and confusion.

“The angel,”  Dani said with a small smile.

May 2009

“Dean?”  Myin asked in a concerned whisper as Dean pulled her through the hospital she worked at and into her office.  “What are you doing here?”

“I need your help, and I didn’t want anyone to see us,”  He said before turning the blinds closed.

“What is going on?”  Myin asked hearing Castiel’s words to help Dean in her ear.

“I had to lock Sam up,”  Dean said, squaring his shoulders as he faced away from Myin.

“You did WHAT?”  Myin’s voice jumped two octaves as thoughts of the hunter being in prison flooded her mind.  “Oh God, he’s probably receiving psychiatric treatments as we speak,” She started to ramble.

“What?”  Dean asked shoulders slumping as he turned to face her and grabbed her by the shoulders.  “No, I locked him in Bobby’s panic room.”

“Oh.  Why did you do that?”  Myin asked looking down at Dean’s hands on her shoulders.

“He was so far out of his mind.  He was drinking that demon’s blood.  He wouldn’t stop.  He thought he could… well don’t worry about that.  I’ve got him detoxing, but it’s not going well.  I’m just not sure that I can listen to him suffer anymore.”  Dean said looking at the floor and finally releasing his grip on Myin’s shoulders.  

Myin wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him down to her height as she hugged him.  Dean’s body seemed to almost go limp in her embrace and she could tell he was crying against her chest.

“Life is not fair Dean Winchester,”  Myin said soothingly as she petted his hair.  “It’s harsh and continues to throw us at everything we dislike.”

“I’m sorry that I came here, and bothered you at work,”  Dean said pulling away from her and standing up straight.  He wiped the wetness from his eyes and started to walk to the door.  Castiel’s voice brushed over Myin again, like a command.

“Wait,”  she said reaching a hand out.  “What did you need my help with?”

“So wait you guys have been trying to stop Lucifer from rising?”  Myin sighed at the grandness of the information that had be presented.

“Yeah, listen… something is really bothering me. ��I haven’t told Sam.”  He looked at Myin across her motel bed.  “It’s my fault that this is happening.  The first seal that breaks to start all this, is a ‘good man getting out of hell’.”

Myin dropped her eye to the floor as she realized everything was really her fault.  She looked up at Dean, wanting to tell him.

“Please, don’t try and comfort me, I already know the truth.  The angels told me everything about how the seals work,”  Dean silenced her with a hand as he spoke.

“Dean, I did a spell,”  Myin said as she pushed his hand down onto the bed.  “Sam was desperate.  He had found a spell, I was in a bad place when I found him with Ruby.  I didn’t think all the consequences out.  But I summoned Castiel.  I begged him to save you,”  Myin had tears falling down her cheeks as she spoke.

“You saved me?”  Dean asked as his hand covered where Myin’s had grabbed him.  “It’s not your fault.  We have control of our destinies.  Fuck fate,”  Dean growled as he leaned over some open books and kissed her gently.

“Dean,”  Myin whispered against his lips, remembering the last time he had come to her motel and kissed her.

“I want you, but only if you want me,”  Dean said firmly, holding her hand close to his chest.  The pain of everything she had gone through with Sam bubbled close to her heart.

“I do want you,”  She said finally before pressing the next kiss on his lips.

“Condom?”  Dean asked as he pushed books onto the floor and Myin pulled her shirt over her head.

“Pill,”  She responded, knowing she wanted to feel him.

“You’re fucking beautiful,”  Dean said as Myin exposed her breasts from her bra.  He laid over her, covering her body with kissed and gently teasing nips.  When Myin thought she would explode from the anticipation, Dean pulled her into his lap and set a pace to have them cumming all over each other.  “Shit,”  Dean said as he laid next to her in bliss.

“It’s been a little while for me, sorry if I was rusty,”  Myin teased.

“You were fine,”  Dean said, slapping her ass playfully, before grabbing his ringing phone.  “What’s up Bobby?”  He ask as seriously as he could.

“What do you mean he’s gone?”  Dean asked sitting up on the bed, the afterglow shattering almost visibly.  He hung up the phone and got dressed.

“Sam escaped.  I have to go find him.  Stay out of trouble while I’m gone.  We’ll figure this out when I get back,” Dean said as he kissed her and left the motel.

“I free you from your oath to help me.”  Castiel said as he fluttered in the room.  Myin jumped and squealed as she realized she was still naked but the angel paid her no mind as he came over and place his fingers on her forehead. She hit the ground, and woke up several hours later.

“Bobby what the hell is going on?”  Myin left another voicemail on the old man’s phone.  Every fiber of her being was telling her that something was wrong, but she couldn’t figure out what it was.

@waywardbaby​ @destielhoneybee​ @snffbeebee​ @deangirl7695​ @spnbaby-67​ @maddiepants​ @ladywinchester1967​ @woodworthti666​ @miraclesoflove​ @tumbler-tidbits​​ @emilyshurley​​ @akshi8278​​ @mannls​​ @wendibird​​ @bobasheebaby​​​ @theoneandonlymelol​ @chelsea072498​​ @donnaintx​​ @justsomedreaming​​ @supernaturalenchanted​​ @kalesrebellion​​ @prettydeaneyes​​ @emoryhemsworth​  @dontshootmespence​ @its-a-spn-thing @vicmc624​ @idreamofplaid​​ @anaelsbrunette​​ @winchesterxfamilybusiness​​ @kickingitwithkirk​​ @wayward-mikaelson​ @electraphyng​ @mariekoukie6661​ @deanwinchesterinthedarktower @katelynw93​

[ckneal]

You want to know what got me started on this midam train? Way back in the day, before Jake Abel came along and legitimized us all with the strength of his romantic chemistry with himself?

It was such a small detail, but to present it right, I need to set a little foundation. I need to talk about angel fashion.

That’s right! I’m fascinated by the clothing choices of the angels we see throughout the series, and I could get into it for hours, but I won’t. For the sake of brevity, I’m just going to sketch out my obsession briefly: every regime change in Heaven has its own dress code. Even in the in the later seasons, when it looks like they’re all just wearing bland basics, subtle changes still crop up as the leadership changes hands. How official this is in Heaven is uncertain. It could be playing off Lucifer’s assertion that, “Angels were made to follow,” like it’s something in their hardwiring that makes them want to emulate whoever’s in charge, but we don’t know.

Michael’s regime was suits. Dark suits in particular—in contrast to Lucifer’s white victory suit we see in season 5’s false apocalyptic future--with neck ties that frequently, though not always, feature a pattern reminiscent of multiple staring eyes. And we can tell where certain angels are in terms of Heavenly morale by how closely they follow the dress code. Joshua, heaven’s gardener, sees himself as too insignificant in the plans of upper management, and doesn’t bother to wear the uniform at all. Uriel is losing faith, and he appears without the tie and with his shirt unbuttoned. Zachariah loosens his tie when he thinks that Michael’s about to destroy him for his failure with the Winchesters, but straightens it when Michael gives him a second chance with Adam.

Raphael, in one of the most tragic examples, gives no fucks about clothes when they don their vessel and talk about the death of God and allude to their own severe depression in season 5, but they wear Michael’s uniform to the letter in season 6. Because in season 6, Raphael’s feelings are being pushed aside, because Michael is in trouble, and Raphael has a mission: rescue him. And as Raphael squares off against Castiel, they’re announcing their loyalty to Michael through this manner of dress, Michael’s #2 to the end.

And in a truly curious move, Castiel continues to wear Michael’s uniform under his trench coat throughout the series. I have theories on that. For another day.

But what’s even more curious is that Michael never once wears the uniform himself. He could have. He had time to change between Adam’s yes and Sam’s. The closest we ever see on screen is with AU Michael, and it’s not perfect. The colors are off. Browns and reds rather than OG Michael’s black accentuated with cool blues, greys, and whites.

And one thing that you could infer from this, is that I’m crazy. The angels just rock whatever clothing their vessels happen to be wearing at the time of their “yes.” That’s certainly what I think was the case with Castiel’s trench coat, before Cas began to associate it with his identity outside of Heaven. But then. . .

Not only does Michael not show up in his uniform. He shows up wearing Adam’s jacket.

Adam hadn’t been wearing that jacket when Michael possessed him. He took it off! We don’t even see it draped over Adam’s chair, we don’t see it in his hands when he’s pounding on the door calling for Dean’s help. Wherever that jacket is, it’s nowhere in immediate sight!

And mind you, angels don’t get affected by hot or cold—that’s why Cas never feels the need to take the trench coat off. Nor would this plain cotton jacket provide Michael with any significant protection in a cosmic fight against the devil. There was no immediate need for Michael to bother with it.

Michael was trying to do something nice for his vessel. Adam was bloodied and scared, and regretting what he agreed to, but Michael couldn’t let him go. So he cleaned Adam’s shirt, and he fished out the dumb jacket and put it on even though it wasn’t his style, so Adam would at least have all of his things together when they were done. He went out of his way, because, even though his hands were tied, he wanted to be kind.

And after years of germination, that thought turned me into a devoted shipper.

Thank you for reading this unnecessary rant. Tune in next week, when I’ll be discussing how Adam’s favorite food used to be meatloaf, but now it’s burgers. 

[laufire]

Supernatural s5

I finished it a little while ago, but I haven’t had the time to make an involved post about it -or watch that much of s6 yet; I’m trying to be Resposible and the time I have has been spent in advancing fics a little bit or answering short asks lol.

-I have really enjoyed this season for the most part, but there’s something I need to get of my chest LOL: all through it, the song “Too Many Dicks (On The Dance Floor)” played in my head xDD. Like, listen, I knew what I was signing up for with this show!! I didn’t expect NOT to find it offensive or regressive on multiple occasions!! But I guess s3-4 must have spoiled me lmao. I’m not saying those seasons are the height of feminism, but if you removed its most important female characters, ESPECIALLY Ruby, the plot of the season would fall apart. That’s not something you can say for s5 and preventing the Apocalypse, just sayin’.

It wouldn’t’ve been that hard to expand Meg’s, Anna’s or the Harvelle’s part (they had good material to go there -Meg as the faithful possibly opening her eyes, Anna as the betrayed and the juror jury and executioner, the Harvelles as normal hunters fighting something way too big for them-, but barely any time and like I said, no incidence in the actual plot of the season). Hell, I’m biased but bringing back Ruby would’ve at least taken care of the problem lol. Or if the show had indulged me and kept Bellamy Young as Lucifer, at least. But everyone with a real say in the plot is a dude, or at least wearing one as a vessel (angel’s conception of gender is clearly different from humans, but in terms of ~~representation the results are the same lbr).

-My constant frustrations with Supernatural’s bigotry-related stuff lol, like I said, I really enjoyed the season (that combination is one of the most frustrating things about the show lmao). Especially Castiel’s plot. The guy has reached Potential Hall of Faves status and that’s hum. A Problem xD

But seriously, he was breaking my heart in all the best ways. His search for God (the Absent Father that the show specifically compared to John añsldkfjasf. This show ISTG!!), his disappointment and sense of betrayal at being let down (he called God Himself “son of a bitch”!!!). I was especially fascinated by his Endverse version -that AU will have its own section lol-, although it resulted in making me reaaaally nervous whenever he was close to an addictive substance :). Like yes, those scenes were lowkey humourous and adorable (like when he drinks shots with the Harvelles and Ellen is fascinated and Jo delighted -... lowkey shipping this too btw. Lowkey shipping Castiel with lots of people-, or his combo with Sam when he got drunk), but also, you know, WORRYING xD

Some of my favourite scenes of his were, predictably, his interactions with Meg or Lucifer in 5x10. The Megstiel scene was SUPER HOT (both their voices are very unf-y lol), I can’t wait to edit it. And having Lucifer call Castiel “a peculiar thing” sure was something xD (although lbr, this Lucifer isn’t keeping with his rebel angel reputation, Castiel is carrying that all by himself smh).

Another scene I couldn’t get out of my head if I wanted to is when he uhhhh... completely LOSES IT and starts beating the crap out of Dean when he was ready to give it up to Michael. “I gave everything for you, and this is what you give me?!?” ooooooof. It was hard to watch, and fascinating and intense. I shamelessly loved it lmfao.

Though my favourite moment of his is one that can only be appreciated when you know certain things about s6. It’s the scene where, unlike everyone else, he shows appreciation for Sam’s plan of sacrificing himself to get rid of Lucifer. Because yes, at this point it’s the only thing that can save the world. But Castiel isn’t saying, “Sam’s life is a small price to pay in comparison”, because he will go into s6 and snatch Sam out of the cage immediately. s5 established Sam got out, so with that in mind, he didn’t bring it up because he didn’t want to create false hope in case he failed, but he backed the plan with the intention of saving Sam anyway. I love that. I love him.

-The entire season was Missing Ruby Hours for me lmfao. Like I said, some of the problems in the season wrt female characters would’ve been at the very least lessened if she’d gotten to be here wrecking havoc. But generally I just miss her and What Could Have Been with her here. I enjoyed some of the crumbs (Sam using the witchcraft skillz he learned from her! Sam immediately knowing Meg isn’t Ruby, unlike Dean! Her knife! The ARCHANGEL GABRIEL referencing her as “the demon Sam chose over his brother”!! The callbacks with Crowley or Brady!!), but I would’ve wanted her here, dammit xD.

-Aaaaand we’re finally getting to Sam, who is without a doubt the star of the season, if you ask me. His plan at the end, to let Lucifer possess him in the hopes he can fight back for just long enough to overpower him and throw them both into the cage, with no hopes for himself? This is the kind of Big Damn Hero stunt I’m a sucker for, I won’t lie. And I love that the show felt the need to confirm he was still alive at the end of the season hehe.

He really Went Through It this season and he held on lmfao. On top of everything (the apocalypse, the guilt of being its final trigger, the addiction recovery, etc.), he also had to deal with Dean’s usual bullshit, which is no small feat xDD. Like, sure, from an audience stand-point all those things are interesting (some fave/the fuck moments are when Dean is obviously peeved that Bobby still supports Sam because he wanted Bobby in HIS corner, or when he has the nerve to say he wants to say yes to Michael because he doesn’t trust SAM not to say yes to Lucifer lmfaoooo), BUT IT’S STILL A FEAT XD

One note: for all the talk about bi!Dean, bi!Sam is so SEEN this season xDD. AFAIC he totally hooked up with that bartender Paul (RIP Paul. At least in your last moments you enjoyed Sam, who’s clearly an energetic, attentive lover 😔). And Crowley refers to Brady as Sam’s demon ex-boyfriend and nobody bats and eye lmfao (that story is so angsty... the parallels to Ruby, how he ingratiated himself with Sam by pretending to have fallen off the wagon... ouch).

-I have mixed feelings on Crowley. On his own, I fell absolutely in love with the guy on his first appearance. A demon that DOUBTS Lucifer and doesn’t kiss his ass?? That wants to get rid of him and do his own thing?? And clearly enjoys ~earthly pleasures to the fullest (his complains about how the other demons ate his tailor had me rolling laksjdfa)? The way he turned the tables on Brady? OFC I love him. OTOH boy, does it annoy me knowing that fandom GLADLY embraced him when they condemned characters like Bela or Ruby for similar things. It’s not his fault so I still like him (he’s like Gabriel in that sense), but it’s annoying!

It also annoys me how Dean Must Be Right All The Time syndrome interacts with him lol. This season Dean decides they can trust Crowley (despite Crowley killing two humans in front of him and getting him beat up by Brady lol), so they can. Next season he decides they can’t, so Castiel will be WrongTM because Dean Says So. Ugggggh xD

-To be fair, however, this season has my fave Dean so far LOL. In the love/hate scale, this one has been almost solely in camp love, barring some of those moments of irksome hypocrisy that he’s so prone to xD.

But there was something about how this season’s plot chipped away at him, you know? For all the traits he has that drive me up the wall or unsettle me, I appreciate a lot of his personality because it makes him a unique and interesting character driving the narrative -his irreverence, his ability to think on the fly and get out of shitty situations, his disbelief. Seeing all of those things under siege this season made me hurt for him in a way I hadn’t anticipated LOL. By the time he was ready to give in to Michael (and I love that what made him step away from that choice was Sam showing a trust in him he patently didn’t deserve lbr), sometimes I felt terribly for the guy.

I also wonder if this season kind of marked like... the beginning of the end for him, narrative-wise? Making him Michael’s vessel (his angel condom) is the kind of thing that turns him from subject into object, and that can doom characters ime. The fact that he ~resigns himself to Sam’s death when his identity as a character came with being His Brother’s Keeper is another slight.

-I continue having mixed feelings about Destiel too LMAO. I’ve decided I’m just going to try to enjoy the good and interesting parts while I can, while trying not to think of future developments that’ll likely sour the ship for me lol.

Because in truth, yeah, I enjoy their interactions a lot here! The Endverse was particularly enjoyable for me (back to that in a moment), but the entire season had a lot of gems. That moment in the finale, when Dean is wounded on his knees after Sam sacrifices himself, and Castiel resurrects and heals him with a touch? And Dean is staring in awe and asks him if he’s become God?? Like wtf am I supposed to do with that. WHO SAYS THAT. XDD

-The Endverse. Omgggggggg. The Endverse. I doubt I can say anything about it that hasn’t been said a thousand times, but seriously. I loooove it, all of it. My favourite was endverse!Castiel, ofc. The way he was in No Man’s Land, not an angel and not quite a human, his ways of trying to cope with that, how burned he was... I uncomfortably related to some of it too lmfao, but let’s not get into that xD.

Seeing both Deans interact was gr10 too. They really couldn’t stand each other lmfao (do you understand me now Dean?? They actually reminded me of two OCs in an original WIP of mine that are in a similar situation -in this case it’s the future version purposefully traveling to the past though-, which made me even fonder of the AU). And the Destiel? *chef’s kiss*. The bitterness, like when Castiel laughs when present!Dean berates endverse!Dean about the tortures and then purposefully says “I like past you” to hurt him asñldkfjasf. Or those looks when Dean returns to the past and tells Castiel to “never change” d’aw.

I loved Lucifer!Sam in this episode too (and personally, I think in the finale Lucifer -and Michael- should’ve changed his outfit too. Sam’s clothes just don’t get to The Devil’s levels, but that white suit was perfect). He was terrifying xD.

BTW: I’ve decided that, since we never see endverse!Castiel die, well. He didn’t xD. I could see Lucifer keeping him alive and captive out of a sense of nostalgia, as Castiel is the only other thing close to a fellow angel left. Might even decide to return his powers with time, or to ~entice him with such an offer lol. And ofc I headcanon Sam is still inside, occasionally trying to fight. Cue in all the Castiel/Lucifer and Castiel/Sam fic ideas too (I have waaaaay too many of those for this mini-verse. It’s very inspiring).

-I’m still on the fence at Lucifer’s motivations but I can’t question how the family issues fit so, so well into this ‘verse. “Family is hell” is the show’s thesis, after all xD. IMO the angels in general don’t feel like a family, they’re a military body/cult lol, but the Archangels are another matter. I guess is the whole “only four angels have seen God-slash-Dad” thing, the rest were... well, the help, apparently.

But Lucifer, Michael, and Gabriel do feel like brothers when they interact (I’m guessing here Gabriel is the Adam: discarded by the other two like nothing :)))). Raphael too, but since he doesn’t interact with them... does he get to later? Or is he the odd one out? Did the others avoid him because he kept quoting Nietzsche at dinner?? LOL.

-There are no words to explain how terribly I feel for Adam. JFC that poor KID. Who was kind and helpful and intuitive, and only wanted his mother back and to help stop the end of the world. And that Sam and Dean will leave rotting in Hell for a millennia :))). It’s kiiiiiiiiind of hard to do for your show’s “heroes” when they do shit like that lmfao. It’d be different if they never tried to make him feel he’s family, but Sam tried to convince him with the bs “because we’re blood” and they did a half-baked attempt at saving him from Zacharias, and then... yeah. At least he had Michael in the cage, but still.

-I was already spoiled of this, but the reveal that cupids made John and Mary fall in love is so chilling (good on Dean for punching that cupid asshole, btw). It puts what Mary says about John in flashbacks, about how much she loves him and how perfect he is, in such a terrifying light. And I’m under the impression that the show didn’t bother to deal with this properly when they resurrected Mary and just... I hate that tbh. It’s a narrative choice that should have a huuuge impact, dammit.

-I kind of loved how bitter and angry Bobby was about (temporarily, thanks to Crowley, his new demon bf -watch out Rufus) ending up in a wheelchair. That there were no platitudes or false sentimentality and it just... was.

-The Harvelles’ had a good send off. I can respect Kripke for wanting his faves to go on his terms lol. Having Jo refuse Dean’s offer of a fuck on their possible last night on Earth with “I rather spent it with a little thing I have self-respect”? Not because she doesn’t have feelings for him, but because she thinks she deserves better from him? I love it. This guy knows his pettiness xD

-The fact that this fandom seems to have ignored Gabriel x Kali is one of the reasons I’m never going to vibe with it, sns. Immortal exes? Check. She tricked him and killed him... but then it turns out HE tricked and he’s alive? Check. BUT THEN HE STILL GOES BACK AND SAVES HER, DYING BY HIS BROTHER’S HAND?? CHECK CHECK CHECK. Ugh, why can’t they come back to me. I know, I know, Kali is a WoC and those are only allowed one (1) appearance before they’re killed off, apparently. So it might be a good thing that she doesn’t return xD. But gosh, they were gr10.

-Death the Horseman’s intro cleared my skin. I love him. I love how utterly terrifying he is and how chilling his and Dean’s scene was. And I yearn to find a picture of the guy a little younger and with a goatee, because he’s the most perfect Discworld’s Vetinari fancast I’ve ever found xDD

-I’ve seen tons of commentary over the years, and especially lately for obvious reasons, about how this season finale would’ve been a much better ending for the show. I’m not there yet, and it does sound like the finale was a mess and this one’s was a very well constructed episode (and, ofc, the Final Love Interest was NOT blurry!!). But even if by the end I come to loathe the finale, there’s one reason I already know won’t let me agree on the s5 ending being perfect: God xDD

The episode makes Chuck come across as a ~benevolent figure and no, fuck that, do NOT want, take it away from me!! Give me God as the Big Bad Wolf, the last evil to conquer any day. It’s like Dumbledore all over again: I enjoy the character a lot more if I feel canon and I are on the same page wrt his shadiness xDD

[ms-rampage]

Eden’s Gate: Left Behind Chapter 18 - Carry On

Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Angels and Demons.

Word count: 3k

Summary: In the penultimate chapter Kate tells all of her friends that she has to leave Hope County due to a family emergency across the country. She has a hard time telling John because of how close they’ve gotten. 

Guest OCs: Paige Winchester, Sarah Dunham, Alissa Connors, Layla Michaels, Becky Taylor, Ashley Saunders, Ivan and Isaiah Wren, Ryan Cho, Dylan Paulson and Kevin Baker. 

Guest characters: Lilith, Archangel Gabriel, (Supernatural, in a dream), Sam, and Dean Winchester, Castiel [mentioned], Eli Palmer, Wheaty, Mary May, Nick Rye, Grace Armstrong, Pastor Jerome, Raphael, Michael and Lucifer [mentioned].

Note: This chapter is a clusterfuck. SMGDFH. 

*************************************

Kate and Morgan are on their way to the Wolf’s Den. They’re planning on telling all of their friends, everyone they’ve come to know during their time living in Hope County.

They’re leaving, they don’t know for how long, not sure if they’ll ever come back especially with the Cult running around, and destroying shit.

They make it to the Wolf’s Den, parking the car by the grassy area, and they make their way up the small mountain.

“So what are you gonna tell Wheaty?!” Morgan asks, trying to keep herself from slipping down the grassy hill.

Kate sighs, “I don’t know. Probably “Hey I’m gonna be leaving Hope County, I’m not sure how long I’m gonna be gone, it’s a family emergency and they need me, and Morgan because she’s family as well”. I don’t know something like that, or along the lines”.

“Aww you see me as family?!?” Morgan says in a sarcastic but also heartful kind of way.

Kate rolls her eyes, “Well duh, I’ve known you for over 10 years. We’ve traveled together”.

They go down the stair of the Wolf’s Den, the Whitetails being the first on their list to say their goodbyes even though they still have two months to do so.

They get to the bottom of the steps, and Kate almost walks into Wheaty.

“Hey!!” he says loudly, startled by their unexpected visitors. 

“Hey Wheaty” Kate greets him with a smile.

“Morgan, Kate. How are you two doing?” he asks, in an awkward tone.

“We're doing great, but we unfortunately have some bad news” Morgan says, walking past him, and sits down on a chair.

“What’s the bad news?” he asks, looking back and forth at them.

Morgan raises her eyebrows at Kate, telling her to explain to him why they have bad news.

Kate clears her throat, “We uh. Unfortunately, we have to leave Hope County”.

Eli walks in as she says this.

“Leave Hope County?!?!” the bearded man asks loudly. 

“Yeah, I got a call from my uncle, and there’s a family emergency, and they need mine, and Morgan’s help” Kate explains to them.

“What kind of emergency?” Eli asks, “If you don’t mind me asking”.

“It’s just my great aunt, she got into some trouble with some sketchy people. She made a few deals, and we have to help her out of it” Kate further explains.

“We’re gonna be leaving in a few months. Because that’s when the “deadline” expires, and we have to help her hold off it” Morgan adds.

They’re both great liars. No one. Not a single soul can know of the evil monsters in this world. 

Vampires, Demons, Werewolves, Ghosts, Ghouls. That shit will only freak people out, and only a small handful of people can know, and hunt these monsters. 

The people in Hope County will never know, or understand what Kate and Morgan do for a living.

What their families have been doing for generations. Saving people, hunting things, the family business. 

It was a close one with John getting possessed, Kate was glad Castiel worked his angel magic, and wiped his memory of the whole thing.

One of the perks on being besties with an Angel of the Lord. 

Kate clears her throat again, “November 2nd. That’s when we’re leaving for Jackson, then we’re going to Pennsylvania because that’s where she lives”.

Eli, and Wheaty look back and forth at the two huntresses.

“As much as we don’t want to leave, especially with the Cult terrorizing everyone” Morgan says.

“A lot of shit going on” Kate adds.

They stayed at the Wolf’s Den for another half an hour, and they moved on to all their other friends.

Luckily Nick Rye, Grace, Pastor Jerome and Mary May were all at the Spread Eagle. 

You can cut the tension with a knife, after what happened several months early with the whole atonement bullshit, and Saleos.

Mary pretty much glared at Kate the whole time, Nick and Grace didn’t even look back to look at her, and Pastor Jerome just looked like he didn’t want to talk about what happened that day. 

“Hey” Kate says, greeting the Holland Valley business owners, and residents.

“Hey” Mary says with a hint of anger in her voice.

Morgan takes the lead with this since none of them want to hear Kate out on this.

“Listen” she starts off, “Kate and I are leaving Hope County in a few months. Family emergency, we’re telling you guys because we don’t want you guys to think we just, up and left Montana out of selfishness”.

As Mary cleans glasses, “So after everything that has happened. You’re just gonna leave like the fucking Cult is gonna let you?!”.

Morgan and Kate both look at each other, then back at Mary.

“Oh wait. That’s right you can because you’re fucking dating John Seed” she yells angrily towards Kate.

Kate snaps back, “Okay first of all I didn’t even fucking know he was involved with that shit!!”.

“Bullshit!!!” Mary snaps, almost breaking a glass “You seriously didn’t even know about the Cult, or the atonements?. Or any of that shit?”.

“What John did to me was un-fucking-forgiveable” Nick says, “I’m surpised you defended him, and was still dating him after all that. Hell I don’t know why you even got with him in the first place”. 

Nick doesn’t even look back at them when he says this, not even turning his head in the slightest.

“I broke things off with John shortly after that. I never spoke to him after all of that” she defends herself but it wasn’t good enough.

“That still doesn’t make things any better Kate!!” Mary adds, “I don’t know if you’re blind, or just stupid for defending that man. After what him and his family have done to all of us, and you still justify his actions”.

“I’m starting to think you two leaving is for your own selfishness” Grace says, not looking back at them. 

Pastor Jerome turns to them, and says “Some of us can forgive you, but we won’t forget. We won’t forget the pain the Seeds have done to us all. The wrath, pain and sorrow they put on all of us will be justified”.

Kate and Morgan turn around, and are about to leave the bar. Kate’s surprised Jeorme didn’t bring up her citing an exorcism during her atonement. 

Mary mutters as she’s cleaning glasses, “I thought you would be like your mother when I first met her. But turns out you're both the same”.

Kate stops, and turns to her, “What did you say?!?. My mother?!?”. 

She walks up to the counter, “What do you mean “I would be like my mother?”.”

“Mandy, or should I say Mother Amanda. She was a part of the Cult, she was The Mother, Joseph picked her. They were the Mother and Father of Eden’s Gate” Mary says, “That was 6-7 years ago”. 

“Bullshit!!” Kate yells, Morgan tries to hold her back, “My mother would never be a part of a fucking Cult. Be a goddamn peggie?!. Fuck no!!”. 

Mary scoffs, “She betrayed us, she betrayed the Cult, and look what happened to her. Joseph had some of his followers kill her”.

Kate's voice starts to tremble, and takes a deep breath “Lies. all fucking lies!!!. She wouldn’t let a bunch of inbred hillbilly motherfuckers kill her”.

Morgan practically drags Kate out of the bar, and back to their car.

“Kate, you have to calm down!!!” Morgan tells her.

Pacing, aggressively scratching her head, “That’s all bullshit. My mom would never join the fucking Cult. I know she’s not dead, I know it. My uncle Brent said he needed her help as well with the whole thing with Aunt Flora”.

“Okay. Kate you need to relax. Let’s go home, and you can sleep for a bit. Then we can tell the others later”. 

Morgan puts Kate in the passenger side, and drives them home.

Kate goes into her room, and tries to sleep for a bit.

1:30 in the afternoon, and she still has a lot more people to tell about her departure in a few months. 

Tossing and turning in her midday nap. She had a very eerie about an old enemy demon that at one time needed to harvest her soul because she was, or she still is the true vessel to this particular demon. 

Lilith the first demon to be created by Lucifer himself. 

 That bitch demon that her cousin Sam had killed several years earlier, she was resurrected by Crowley, or Alister, or Asmodeus one of them demon fuckers brought her back, along with Abaddon. 

-The dream- 

Unable to sleep even her own dream, or should I say nightmare, Kate has a hard time sleeping.

“Hello Katella” a female voice says.

Kate wakes up, sitting up in her bed, and sees Lilith.

“What do you want?!?” she asks, angrily. Narrowing her eyes at the demon.

“You already know what I want” she says, walking towards her, and sitting at the edge of her bed. 

“And you already know the answer” she replies, “It will always be no”.

“I will get you to say yes” she replies in a threatening tone. 

Kate scoffs, rolling her eyes “I won’t let you harvest my soul, my body. I won’t let you. No matter what you do”.

Lilith stands up, walking in front of the bed, and says. 

“I know how much you love your sister. Paige. Her and Abaddon are basically counterparts, just like how Sam and Lucifer, Dean and Michael. You and I”. 

Kate stands up from her bed, “Paige will never let Abaddon harvest her soul, and I won’t let you. The whole thing with Sam, Dean, Lucifer and Michael was a different story”.

Lilith’s eyes turn white, “I will harvest your soul. No matter what. You’re my other half, my true vessel.”

“You need my consent to harvest my soul. You can stay in that meatsuit of yours”.

Lilith scoffs, walking towards her “I don’t need your consent. I can just harvest your soul. Just like any other demon”.

“Not while I’m around” a male voice says, “Stay away from my human”.

Lilith stops, and turns around. Sees Archangel Gabriel. 

She groans in annoyance, rolling her eyes “Of course. One of Heaven’s feathery boys”.

Even though this is all a dream, Kate is relieved that her Trickster Archangel best friend is here.

He narrows his eyes at the demon, “As Kate’s guardian Angel. I won’t let you anywhere near her pure, good soul”.

Lilith laughs softly, “And what are you gonna do about it?!?. By the way how was being tortured by Asmodeus?”. 

She smirks, and that was a huge mistake the first demon ever to be created has ever said.

“He fed off of my grace for years!!” he yells, his eyes turning purplish white.

He banishes Lilith away with a bright light. Kate covers her eyes from the blinding light of the Archangel. 

Turning back to face the Archangel, he stares at her with those whiskey color eyes. 

They stare at each other, “Gabriel?” she whispers.

He slowly approaches her, placing his hand on her cheek. Kate practically melts to his touch.

Sighing softly, closing her eyes. The heat radiating off this angel is very comforting.

Gabriel slowly pulls her closer to him, and-

-end of dream-

Kate wakes up from her very good dream, she’s been having it for a couple weeks now. 

It always ends the same way. Gabriel banishing Lilith to Hell probably, caresses her cheek, and pulls her in closer to him. 

Probably to kiss her, because Gabe is her guardian Angel, Michael being Paige’s and her mothers is unknown probably Raphael. 

That dream is probably telling her something, a sign or some kind of foreshadowing. 

Later that day, her and Morgan leave to hang out with their group of friends. 3:30pm. 

They all go to the campsite they went to several months earlier when Kate first met Wheaty.

“You guys are leaving?!?” Sarah asks.

Kate and Morgan nod their heads, “Yeah, we are”.

“How are you guys gonna get out?!” Ivan asks.

“We’re not sure yet” Morgan answers. 

“We’re driving out. Obviously” Kate says.

They all sit around an unlit bonfire, chatting. Going over their two friends that are leaving. As they're talking, a Cult truck stops near their campsite.

4 peggies come out, all male, rifles in hands. They approach the group of young adults.

“Kate Winchester!!” one of them calls out.

The group of friends turn to Kate, except Morgan her eyes are locked on the 4 peggies. 

“What do you want?!?” she asks. 

“John wants you to go by the church. Now” another peggie answers. 

Kate and Morgan turn to each other.

She gets up, and they guide her to their truck, climbing into the backseat, and they drive out of the Whitetails, and back to Holland Valley. 

Dropping her off in front of Falls End church.

Unsure what John wants, or what he wants to talk about. 

She walks inside, and sees John with his back to her, standing in front of the panel.

Having flashbacks to 5 in half months ago, when all that shit happened. 

“Hey John” she says, her voice echoing. 

He turns around, a huge smile on his face.

“Hello Katie” he says, with enthusiasm, and excitement in his voice. 

She walks towards him, swinging her hands at her sides, clapping them.

“Soo” she says, “Why did you call me here?”.

He sighs loudly, echoing throughout the church. 

“It’s a surprise” he says with a hint of malice in his voice. 

Kate raises her eyebrows at him, “Really?. Am I gonna like it?!?”. 

John chuckles at her cuteness, the innocence in her voice. How cute, naive and innocent she sounds. 

“You’re gonna love it” he says with emphasis on the word love. 

 “Well I look forward to seeing it” she replies, stepping closer to him.

He stares at her with a smirk, “Well to give you a few hints, it might ring a bell, and it’s gonna be very engaging”.

Kate awkwardly chuckles at him, and John notices something is off about her.

“Darlin’. What’s wrong?” he asks, moving her hair away from her face.

Stammering over her words, trying to hold back tears.

“Its-It’s nothing” she lies, John catches on.

“Don’t lie to me sweetheart. What’s wrong?” he places his hand on the back of her head. 

She looks down at the ground, and before she could tell him. Her phone rings, she pulls it out, and sees her sister's name.

Her eyes widened at her phone screen, she looks up at John.

“I’m sorry I really need to take this” she tells him. He nods his head. 

She steps away, standing near the front door of the Falls End church, and answers her phone. 

“Hey!” she says into her phone.

Paige on the other end, sounding like she just woke up.

“You called, and gave me a very lecural voicemail” she says in a groggily voice, “What’s so important?”.

“Uncle Brent called me. Him, aunt Laura, our cousins, and Barbara need our help” she explains to her older sister.

“For what?!” she asks, voice still groggily.

“Our great aunt Flora made a deal with a demon, and she needs our help” she whispers, so that John can’t hear her.

“Okay. So we head back to Jackson, and leave when?” she asks.

“November 2nd. That’s when we leave to Philly” she whispers to her.

Paige sighs, “Okay. I’ll call Brent, and get more details. But we’re gonna talk out our issues, and you’re gonna have to leave school”.

“Well I graduated, and have my Master of Science degree in Psychology” she tells her, “So me leaving school won’t be necessary”. 

They hang up, and Kate turns back to John who is leaning against the panel. His head tilted to the side. Smirk on his face.

“Sorry that was my sister” she tells him.

He can still see the sadness, and worried in her eyes.

“Katie, darlin’. Answer my questions, what’s wrong?.

She sighs, looking down at the floor, “I have to leave Hope County”.

The expression on his face changes from happy to sadness mixed with anger.

“No. No you can’t leave me” he tells her, his voice getting upset, “Why are you leaving me?!?”.

“I don’t want to. My family needs me” she further explains to him, “They need my help. A family member is in deep trouble with some sketchy people”.

John shakes his head, tears starting to form in his eyes, “You can’t leave. I love you, I need you” his voice going hoarse.

“You mean a lot to me. You changed me Kate. I love you, I need you here with me”.

Kate starts to cry, her eyes going red. “I love you too. I can’t leave my family hanging. I’ll come back when we return from Pennsylvania. I have never loved, or cared for anyone before. You’re my first real boyfriend, you took my virginity. Everything we’ve done and been through was all real”.

John tries to smile through his tears. He loves Kate, he really does love her. 

He never wanted her to go through any pain. He wants her to stay in Hope County with him.

But he knows how family oriented she is, and that’s why he loves her. He wants to have a family with her. Grow old together in the ranch house, or maybe move to the West Coast, and start their family. 

The possibilities are endless for them, but he unfortunately has to accept that she has to leave in a few months, and he wants to spend every moment with her.  

[chipper9906]

Bound To You - Chapter 8: Wish Upon A Star

< - - - Previous Chapter

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR SEASON 15

NOTE: Pairings and Ratings Will Change As Story Is Updated

Pairings: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester

Rating: General Audiences

Chapter Word Count: 12,570

Overall Word Count: 63,774

Status: Multi Chapter Fic - In Progress (8/?)

Chapter Preview:

“Hello, Dean.”

“Don’t you dare,” Dean bites out. He was still refusing to look at Cas right now. Mostly because there’s a good chance he’d punch him if he did. “You don’t get to do that like we’re all buddy-buddy right now. Not when you’ve got some explaining to do.”

Castiel stayed silent next to him.

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Character Key For Telepathic Conversations

'Italic Text' - Castiel

'Bold Text' - Dean

* * *

“Dean!”

Dean’s eye’s snapped open, a frantic and uncontrollable response to the sound of his brother yelling his name, expecting for there to be trouble. His body jerks up – or at least tries to – nothing more than a flailing of his arms and a jerk of his shoulders.

“Son of a-,” Dean grunts, using his arms to push himself back up against the headboard. His head snaps towards his brother’s yells, coming eye to eye with a particularly worried-looking Sam at his bedside, and an equally concerned looking Eileen next to him.

“What?” Dean snaps, not appreciating the rude awakening.

“What? What do you mean ‘what?’ Dean, it’s-,” Sam roughly shoves his sleeve up, double-checking the time on his watch. “-Four ‘o clock in the afternoon, and you’re, what, taking a nap?! We were texting and calling you on the way home and you didn’t pick up! We get back and find books thrown all over the table with you nowhere in sight, not replying to us when we’re yelling for you! Jesus Dean, I thought something had happened.”

“I’m fine,” Dean brushed his brother’s overprotective worry off, running a hand down his groggy face. “Research was kicking my ass is all. Needed some extra sleep.”

“So much so that you sleep through all my calls and texts, and then takes us yelling your name around ten times for you to wake up?” Sam asks, still with that hint of worry in his eyes.

“Dean… is there something you’re not telling us?” Eileen probes, leaning past Sam to look to Dean.

“What’dya mean? It’s not like I could have snuck out and done something. Not without falling down the stairs a million times and having to roll around in this damn thing everywhere around town.”

“No, I meant more…” Eileen trailed off, looking back to the Sam next to her, thinking over her words. “Are you in pain?”

Sam and Eileen seemed to have expected the confused look he gave in return, looking back to one another in that ‘we’re somehow reading each other’s minds’ look that’s really starting to get on Dean’s nerves.

“We just… We noticed you’ve been sleeping more than usual,” Sam began timidly, knowing this is going to be a touchy subject with Dean. “It’s, well… it’s not like you. And I usually wouldn’t say anything about it, but… what with your injury and all…”

“Sammy, I’m fine,” Dean insisted. The fact that he couldn’t just walk away from this conversation was a real pain in the ass.

Sam didn’t look like he believed him. “It’s just that… some of the pamphlets the doctor gave me mentioned about how excessive fatigue can be a sign of deterioration of health-,”

“Sam, are you forgetting that there’s an angel residing in my body right now?” Dean interrupted Sam. “Do you really think Cas would just leave me to die?”

“Of course I don’t,” Sam almost looked offended that Dean could ever think such a thing. “But I wasn’t just talking about physical health, you know.”

“Sam…”

“Look Dean, I know you don’t like talking about this kind of stuff, but with the way things are now… You can’t expect me not to get worried.” Sam said.

“You’ve had to go through something awful, Dean,” Eileen piped up. “And this isn’t us saying you’re not strong enough to handle it, okay? It’s not. But things like this can take a toll on your mental health, even when you don’t realize it.”

“Not to mention there’s going to be a strain on your mind with Cas possessing you,” Sam added. “We don’t know what the long-term effects are going to be – given the fact that it’s not your typical angel possession.”

Dean frowned up at his little brother. “How is it not?”

“Well… usually, angels and their vessels don’t… switch possession as much as you guys do. And…And…”

“And what?”

“We’re just worried, is all,” Eileen said gently, placing what Dean is sure would be a comforting hand on his lower leg – if he could feel it, that is. “And we know we’re being over-bearing right now, and you want nothing more than for us to get lost-,”

“What? No! That’s not – I mean I appreciate you guys worrying over me, it’s just -,”

“If you say you’re fine? I believe you,” Sam told him. “I do, okay? But that’s not going to stop me from worrying over you.”

“I know, Sammy,” Dean said. He understood; he’d be doing the exact same thing if their roles were reversed. “But I’m not going to do something drastic, okay? That’s not… that’s not me anymore. It’s…”

Dean sighed, not knowing the right way to explain this to Sam. Or more, he knew exactly the way to explain it, but… it was almost too personal to share.

‘Cas? You got your ears on?’

‘Always, Dean.’

‘Okay, well, uh… Do you mind if I tell Sam about… about when you…’

‘…When I died?’

‘Yeah, that… I don’t really want to talk about it, since… I don’t know, it felt like those words were for me only, but… I think it’s the only thing that’ll get these two love birds off my ass for at least five seconds.’

‘Oh, um… are you going to talk about everything I said?’

‘Uh… no, just… the bit before… you know…’

The bit before Cas said something he still can’t think about.

‘Oh… okay, I… yes. It's fine.’

It sure as hell didn’t sound “fine.” ‘You sure?’

‘I said it’s fine.’

Whoa, okay… The sudden hostility from Cas nearly had Dean flinching. He could feel the way Cas’s mood had shifted, back to that electric buzz he had felt back in the hospital when he had pissed Cas off. Except, this time, it was… muted. Even though Cas was stuck in his head, he had found a way to hide himself somewhere so deep inside that Dean could barely feel his presence within him; quite literally storming off into another ‘room’.

And he had no idea what he’d done to warrant such a reaction.

Eileen’s whisper to Sam is what brought Dean back to the present. “Was that the end of the conversation, or…”

“It’s about the night Cas died.”

That got their attention. Their shared amused grins were immediately wiped off their face, focus now locked on Dean.

“Cas had gotten me into the dungeon, but Billie was on the other side of the door. I was so angry with myself because… I knew we were going to die. There was nowhere to go but out that door, and Billie was there waiting. And it was my fault. Not only had I gotten myself killed, but Cas too. And that pissed me off more than anything. I couldn’t blame that bitch Reaper for this one, or Lucifer, or Jack, or whatever. This was all on me.  And then… Cas told me about that damn deal. What he had done to save Jack.”

“Cas made a deal?” Sam asked, clearly shocked. “How did… Who did he even make the deal with?”

“The Empty,” Dean answered bitterly. “His life in exchange for Jack’s; to take Jack’s place in the Empty.’

“But… but Jack was in Heaven?” Sam said, perplexed.

“Empty didn’t agree with that. But it did agree to Cas’s deal, except… Empty didn’t take him then and there. Apparently… it would only take him when he let himself be happy. Cas said he had an idea, then he was telling me all about this deal and I had no idea why… but then, Cas, he…”

It was strange. Cas was alive, here with him. Quite literally. And yet, thinking back to that day… it was still so raw, so fresh, and so unbelievably, agonizingly painful to remember - let alone speak out loud.

“He said some stuff that made me realize that maybe… maybe I wasn’t the shitty person I always thought I was. That the way he saw me changed him. He cared… because of me. And I still didn’t believe it when he said it, until he died for me because…”

“Because?” Sam encouraged Dean gently.

“Because he loved me.”

There. He said it. Was it… was it the first time he had said it out loud? Hell, was it the first time he had thought about it, acknowledged it since that day? He could feel Cas stirring inside him, as taken aback at hearing Dean say it as Sam and Eileen looked to hear it.

“That’s when the Empty came,” Dean continued. His gaze had dropped down to his lap, unable to take Eileen and Sam’s stunned yet sympathetic looks. “Took Billie, then… it took Cas. And that was it.”

“Wow…” Sam breathed out the word in response. “He finally told you?”

Dean’s head snapped up at that, a deep frown etched into his face. “Wha – You knew?”

“We… had our suspicions,” Eileen answered.

“We, um… we kind of had a bet going, actually. Before… everything went wrong.” Sam said, already grimacing in preparation for Dean’s response.

“Excuse me? You had a bet? A bet for what?”

Sam and Eileen shared nervous looks.

“You know what? Don’t answer that. I don’t wanna know,” Dean grumbled, reaching over to the left side of his bed for his wheelchair that sat nearby. “Point is Cas helped me to see there’s more to me than I thought; made me realize that I actually wanted to keep living. I’m not gonna throw that all away now.”

“Well… that’s great!” Sam exclaimed, fighting back the urge to go around the bed and help Dean as he struggles into his wheelchair. “Just wanted to make sure you know we’re here if you’re ever feeling… Dean – what’s that?”

Dean froze, looking up to see Sam’s eyes fixated on his arm. “Huh?”

Sam stormed around to the other side of the bed where Dean was, coming to a stop in front of him and pulling the sleeve of his t-shirt up to his shoulder. “Isn’t that…?”

Dean threw his brother's hand off his shoulder, pulling his sleeve even further up and twisting his arm as he lifts it. There, branded on the skin of his left shoulder… was Cas’s handprint. The scar, the one he had found the day Castiel brought him out of Hell. The one they used to discover Castiel’s name. The one that had, slowly after time, faded away.

It was back. It was faint, not as raised and raw looking as it was the first time it had appeared on his skin, but it was there.

“What the…” Dean mutters, brushing a hand over the scar as if it would just wipe away.

The second his fingers brush against the pink scar, a sensation like electricity shoots around his body. It even startles Cas, who gasps in his mind, the sensation yanking Cas from his hiding spot to the forefront of Dean’s mind.

‘Cas? What in the hell is this?’

‘I… I don’t understand. I remember… it was gone.’

‘Yeah. And now it’s back. You got any idea why?’

‘I… it… no, I don’t.’

“Is anyone going to tell me what’s happening?” Eileen asked, eying the giant scar on Dean’s shoulder with a mix of intrigue and horror.

“Dean had that scar a long time ago,” Sam answered, eyes flickering from the scar to Dean’s flabbergasted face. “When Cas pulled him out of Hell, he… kind of left a mark on Dean. It faded with time, but now…”

“It’s back? How is that even possible?”

“I have no idea…” Dean mumbled, coming back into the conversation. “And neither does Cas.”

“Right... so…” Sam punctuated with a sigh, gesturing to the open door of Dean’s bedroom. “Research?”

* * *

Miracle was more than happy to have the rest of her little family back together, periodically racing between their legs at the library table for some well-deserved pets (which, let’s be honest, was as great for them as it was for her).

“So, wait – you’re telling me that this guy was helping the spirit to kill people?” Dean asked.

“It’s where we got thrown off. Bodies were showing up around the same time, but some of them seemed to have knife wounds – not your usual weapon of choice for a vengeful spirit. Turns out that the guy’s wife made a lot of enemies. Enough to get a target painted on her back.” Sam answered.

“And then she decided to pick off her enemies even after death,” Eileen added. “Her husband was so desperate to help her pass on that he thought helping her finish her… task… would do that.”

Dean whistled in astonishment. “Damn… that’s kind of sad, actually. What did you do about the guy?”

“Passed the evidence onto the local police,” Sam said. “They took him in; no idea what they’ll do with him.”

“So, what about you?” Eileen asked Dean, crossing her arms and leaning against them atop the table. “Get anywhere with the research?”

“Oh yeah-,” Dean answered sarcastically. “-It’s all taken care of. I was actually joking before; Cas isn’t in my head anymore. He’s back in his body, just chilling in the kitchen.”

Sam gave Dean’s leg a swift kick under the table, quickly paling when he remembered Dean wouldn’t be able to feel that anymore. He was, however, able to see the movement underneath him, looking down to his leg swinging from the impact, and then up to his brother's horrified face. “Dude…”

Sam cleared his throat awkwardly, looking everywhere but at his older brother. “Let’s just… pretend that didn’t happen.”

“Not in your dreams, Sammy,” Dean answered with a grin before grabbing at the Men of Letter’s file he had left on the table. “And to answer your previous question seriously; This is the closest we came to finding something angel related.”

Dean offered up the file to Eileen, who gladly took it from his hands. “Whoa, weird; this file is really thick.”

Dean shrugged. “I think it’s just old paper. Plus, seems like this is one of those experiments by Sinclair that he didn’t really want the other Men of Letter’s interfering in. Wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to keep it as much as a secret as he could – hence the weird paper.”

“Wait – Sinclair?” Sam asked, looking up to Dean as Eileen passed him the file. “The collector?”

“That’s the one. And you’ll never guess who helped him with this little experiment…”

Sam scanned briefly over the document in his hands, feeling himself deflate as his eyes brushed over a familiar name. “Henry Winchester…”

“Winchester? Is he…?”

“Seems dear old Grandpa was involved in some seriously messed up stuff during his brief stint as a Man of Letters,” Dean said. “There’s some footage if you wanna see it, but… both me and Cas would strongly advise you don’t.”

‘I would much rather you burn the reel all together if I’m being honest.’

“How bad is it?” Sam asks cautiously, wondering if he even wants to read the file.

“They managed to snag an angel for themselves. You remember back when Gadreel had possessed you, and you were trying to extract his left-over grace?”

Sam shivered at the memory. “Yeah… I remember that damn needle…”

“Did the same thing,” Dean continued. “But they left some of the angel its grace. They thought that they could kill the angel, but leave the vessel alive that way – so long as they fuck up the vessel a ton so that the angel heals him, but burns itself out.”

“I’m guessing it didn’t work…” Eileen said.

Dean sighed. “Not in the slightest. They blew the poor guy up. Both were… gone. Just like that.”

Sam’s eyes dropped down to the paper in his hands, the weight of it suddenly feeling much heavier than before. “Did, uh… Did Cas see?”

“Course he did. He’s in my head,” Dean answered. “And before you ask, no; Cas didn’t know the guy personally. Or, uh – the angel personally. Knew his name though: Atheed.”

Sam’s face twisted with a guilt that wasn’t even his to feel. “Was he a good angel, or…?”

‘He was an obedient angel; he did what he’s told, as most do. You can deduct what you want from that.’

“He was a guy doing his job who got caught by the wrong people. Bad or good… that was a messed-up thing to do to him.”

“Makes me wonder how much of that kind of ‘work’ the Men of Letter did…” Eileen says softly, gently sliding the file out of Sam’s hands. “I suppose a lot of the knowledge we have today came from similarly cruel experiments… as sickening as that is to think of.”

“Yeah… and we’ve gotta siphon through all of those files to find anything angel or vessel related,” Sam gestures behind him at the multiple cabinets lining the wall. “I’m not sure if I wanna find out how many more cruel experiments Grandpa had a part in…”

“That makes two of us…” Dean mumbled in agreement, fighting back a groan at the thought of even more countless hours of research.

“What about Cas?” Sam asks, leaning back against his chair. “Does he have any idea?”

‘You hear that, Cas? You got anything?’

‘Well, I… No, no I haven’t.’

Dean’s eyes narrowed in suspicion at the hesitancy in Castiel’s voice echoing around his head, the shift in his expression garnering interest from both Sam and Eileen.

“What is it?” Sam asks. “Cas got something?”

“Dunno…” Dean said slowly. “Kind of sounds to me like someone is hiding something.”

‘I’m not hiding anything. An idea came to mind, but I believe it is a dead end. More than a dead-end in fact, I believe it is likely to get us either into a debt we cannot repay – or repaying causes us more trouble than it’s worth – or is just going to get us all killed.’

‘Come on Cas – we both know those kinds of ideas are the ones that usually work when it comes to our problems. Hop up in the driver’s seat and tell everyone.’

Dean could hear Cas’s long-suffering sigh deep within his mind. None the less, he felt that uncomfortable squeeze of pressure as Cas pushed himself to the front, sliding away into his own mind as he passes over the controls.

Both Sam and Eileen straightened in their seats at the sight of Dean’s glowing blue eyes; something about angel possession always making them uncomfortable, even when they know the angel in question.

“I’m guessing you have an idea?” Sam asks once the sheen of grace slips away from Dean’s eyes. It was odd - how it was Dean’s eyes looking at him, but Sam could see nothing but Cas behind those eyes. The stare was completely and unequivocally Cas.

“I do, unfortunately,” Cas replies in a strained voice. “Do you remember Sergei?”

“Sergei?” Sam asks, face scrunched in thought before the memories flood back. “The Russian guy?”

“What?” Eileen splutters, already looking none too pleased with the idea. “You mean that guy who nearly got Sam killed so he could bargain with us?”

‘He did what?’

“That’s the one,” Castiel replied dejectedly. “I don’t like the idea much either, but…”

“He did stop me from dying,” Sam offers awkwardly, able to feel the amped-up tension radiating from Eileen.

“Yeah – after Cas threatened his niece!” Eileen argued.

‘You did what?’

‘Sergei is… one of those men who only responds to violence. Somehow, I gained his respect through my threat. Though, I still worry about the consequences of it…’

“Still, he’s a pretty powerful guy, isn’t he? I mean, he managed to hide Gabriel from everyone, right?” Sam adds.

“It was one of the reasons I approached him in the first place,” Castiel agrees. “He is… knowledgeable, to say the least. So much so that British Men of Letters would frequently go to him for help.”

‘Huh… well, if those poncy up their asses British asshats came to him for help, then he must be good at what he does.’

“Yeah, okay, so he’s good,” Eileen reluctantly agreed. “But at what cost? Last I remember, he nearly got Sam killed trying to get something from you guys-,”

“The Key to Death’s Door,” Cas fills in the blanks for her.

“Right. I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t sound like something that should be in the hands of someone with that much power and knowledge. Who knows what he might ask for this time?”

“We don’t know until we ask, right?” Sam attempts to douse the paranoia rising. “If he’s as good as advertised…”

Castiel sighs, hands instinctively reaching for his trench-coat pockets before remembering what body he was in. “He once told me his job was ‘to solve the unsolvable.’ At this point… our problem seems to fit that title.”

Sam cleared his throat, shuffling on his seat as his gaze switched between Eileen’s displeased expression to Dean’s – or he supposed Cas’s – uneasy face. “So, question is: Is the risk worth it?”

‘I don’t like it.’

‘Neither do I.’

‘That settles it then. Get Sammy to call the douche up.’

Occasionally, Castiel believed the Winchester brothers were able to read each other’s minds; especially when the two were in the midst of a particularly challenging hunt. This was a thought that came to mind once more as, shortly after Dean had voiced his opinion, Sam let out a small sigh as he dug into his jean’s pockets and pulled out his mobile phone with a grim face of resignation.

“Alright, Cas. I hope you can remember his number…”

* * *

The booming, heavy knocks on the bunker’s metal door resounded around the bunker, its presence immediately heightening the tension that hung in the air ever since Sam had hung up the phone. Quite frankly, Castiel was surprised Sergei even bothered to pick up the phone – especially considering the fact that Sam's number would have shown up as ‘unknown caller’.

Eileen was the first to jump to her feet, having shifted into a ball of nerves as they awaited Sergei’s arrival. Sam stood from his chair beside her, easing her nerves ever slightly with a comforting but knowing touch to her shoulder.

Not a word was passed between the three. Dean, having regained back control, could only wheel after Sam as he steadily approached the staircase, coming to a stop at the bottom as both he and Eileen watch Sam carefully climb up step by step.

Sam pulled his pistol out from his back pocket as he reached the door, cocking it and aiming it in preparation towards the doorway as he yanks the door open.

Sergei glances down at the gun pointed towards his chest in mock surprise, holding up his hands in fake surrender. “I’m afraid I won’t be much help to you with a bullet in my chest,” He points out, nodding his head towards the pistol in Sam’s hands. “Unless you only wanted to lure me here to end me – in which case, I commend you for your plan.”

Sam glowers at the Russian, but lowers his gun down none the less – though keeps a firm hand wrapped around the handle. “You’ll have to forgive me. Last we met, you nearly killed me for your own gain.”

“Yes. And last I met you, your angel had one of his dogs stalk my niece, ready to pull the trigger at any moment,” Sergei fired back, stepping past Sam and onto the stair’s balcony. “I’d say we both have a reason to be wary of one another, wouldn’t you? Alas, I am still here-,”

Sam cut off Sergei with a snort. “Don’t pretend you’re here out of the goodness of your heart.”

Sergei nodded his head in acceptance. “Fair enough. Now, where-,”

Sergei stopped mid-sentence, eyes landing on Dean sat at the bottom of the stairs. A rather obnoxious grin stretched across the Shaman’s face that unsettled Dean, glaring up at the large man as he descended the stairs towards him with a tense-looking Sam in tow.

“Dean Winchester!” Sergei bellowed halfway down the stairs; arms outstretched either side of him in greeting. “I do not believe we ever had the pleasure of meeting.”

“Pleasure ain’t exactly a word I’d use,” Dean grumbled in response, backing away from the stairs as the Russian got closer. “But I’m willing to play nice for the time being.”

“Ah, but that’s how the world works, no?” Sergei asks once he reaches the bottom of the staircase, blocking Sam from going any further -much to the younger brother’s annoyance. “We play nice - so long as the other has what we need.”

Sergei’s eyes drifted up from Dean, landing on Eileen’s fiery gaze locked on him. The confident grin on his face waivered by the slightest, but remained there. “Ah, but you I remember. Good hand strength.”

Eileen’s glare didn’t budge. “And you best remember that.”

Sergei exhaled sharply in amusement – along with a hint of admiration – glancing back at Sam over his shoulder. He stepped to the side, allowing Sam to take the last steps down and join his brother and Eileen.

 “Now, if we’re done with the threats…” Sergei announced with a clap of his hands. “How about we get down to the reason I’m here? Is it true, what I was told on the phone?”

“Yes,” Dean answered curtly, raising a hand to tap at the side of his head. “Cas is up here – with me.”

“Fascinating…” The Russian drawled out, tilting his head to the side as he took Dean in. “Angels are… not usually ones to give up control so freely…”

“Cas ain't like most angels,” Dean shot back. “And that’s why he’s the only one of ‘em that matters. But it can’t last forever-,”

“Oh, I know,” Sergei interrupted Dean, who had to bite on his tongue to stop himself from cutting into Sergei’s sentence, solely out of spite. “A little birdie told me about your trip to the Empty, Castiel… I was rather disheartened to hear this – considering you still owe me that favor. I can only imagine the sorry state your grace must be in… Do tell me; how did you manage to escape from its clutches? Again?”

“That would be because of me,” Dean answered for Cas.

“Hmmm…” Sergei hummed in interest. “I wonder; do you say that as a declaration of accomplishment, or as taking the blame?”

“Neither,” Dean got out between gritted teeth. “It was a… mutual agreement. I was… well, to put it bluntly, I was dying.”

“Naturally,” Sergei said dryly, glancing from Dean over to Sam and Eileen. “I heard a lot about you Winchesters from the British’s grievances… Your apparent aversion to death.”

Dean rolled his eyes. ���Yeah, well, it should have been it this time. Right before I was about to go, I… I sent out one last prayer to Cas.”

“Even though he was dead?” Sergei asked, clearly perplexed by this.

“Especially because he was dead…” Dean answered softly, his answer only serving to throw Sergei off even more. “Anyway, next thing I know, there’s a portal opening up in front of me. Cas stepped through; this big mess of… sludge that I didn’t even recognize as him at first.”

“Interesting… I suppose that explains why, well…” Sergei off handely gestured at Dean. “I assume Castiel is the only thing keeping you held together?”

“No. I’m healed – mostly. I wouldn’t die if he left, if that’s what you’re trying to get at.”

“Then… why hasn’t Castiel left for another vessel?”

“He can’t,” Sam answers, dragging Sergei’s attention over to him once more. “And that’s why we need your help.”

“Ah… now I understand why you were so insistent on recreating his vessel when we spoke over the phone…” Sergei proclaimed, nodding his head minutely along with his own realization. “It’s about his grace, isn’t it?”

The uncomfortable looks shared between Eileen and the two brothers was the answer Sergei was looking for.

“Oh yes, I know about Heaven’s little problem,” Sergei told them. “Last I heard, even the few angels that reside up there are struggling… but you Castiel… it has been a while since you’ve felt yourself at full power, isn’t it?”

There it was again. That faint electric buzz that shot out from his head, spreading around his body. He wondered if this was Cas’s grace acting out inside him, trying to gain possession as it acts on Cas’s emotions, either with or without Cas’s control.

Which reminds him…

“That’s not all,” Dean’s word brought Sergei’s full attention back to him, roughly yanking up his t-shirt sleeve to reveal the raw-looking scar that somehow seemed to have raised even more in the past few hours.

Sergei’s brows practically shot up to his hairline at the sight in front of him, instantly able to sense the grace that was settled within that one patch of damaged skin on Dean’s arm. The surprise shifted to an amused and downright delighted grin, leaning back with a belly laugh so out of nowhere that it nearly had Sam reaching for his pistol.

‘Dean, I don’t think this is a good idea-,’

“Oh-ho, Castiel – you sly dog!” Sergei got out once his bouts of laughter were over, though his tone still one full of amusement. “How did your superiors not kill you for such an indiscretion? They must have been furious! Especially Michael - he mustn’t have appreciated you leaving such a mark on his vessel!”

‘The hell is he talking about, Cas?’

‘I said this wasn’t a good idea, Dean…’

“W – Why would they have killed him?” Sam asked, still rather taken aback by Sergei’s sudden outburst of laughter. “Cas said the mark was left there from where he pulled Dean out of Hell. He was just doing his job, right?”

“That is… partly true,” Sergei said. “But this right here? This is a mark of ownership. Angels leave such a brand on humans they intend to claim, almost as an offering – a proposition if you will – to the human who’s mark they leave.”

“Wait, what?” Dean spluttered, his voice rising in volume without his control. “You telling me Cas claimed me?”

There went Eileen and Sam with those knowing looks again…

‘Cas, what the hell? You saw me in Hell and decided – what – that I was your property?’

‘No! It wasn’t… the claim wasn’t intentional… I… I got carried away, okay? You have to understand – ALL of my life, my billions upon billions of years of existence had led up to this moment. The ONE job I had, and I was so proud to be the one to bear it. The angel intended to raise the righteous man from perdition. After what felt like years of battling through swarms of demons and other Hell filth… there you were. And your soul was so bright, so… you were everything you were described to be, and more. You were MY charge. MY human to watch over. And in that moment I held you to my chest as I pulled you out, my arms wrapped around you… As I said, I got carried away. I hadn’t even realized I had left the brand on your soul until I rebuilt your body.’

“Is he… having a stroke?” Sergei broke the uncomfortable silence that had filled the room.

“No… That’s what he looks like when he’s talking to Cas in his head.” Sam said, shuffling awkwardly on the spot as he waited for the focus to come back into Dean’s eyes.

“Okay, so… Cas left this mark on me. We’ve established that.” Dean mumbled as he came back to reality, Cas’s confession leaving him with an oddly hollow yet warming feeling, the two juxtapositions fighting for dominance. “But why did it come back?”

“Come… back?” Sergei questioned.

“After a while, it kind of just… faded away,” Dean explained, experimentally probing at the scar. Just like last time, that same static electricity jolted out from the contact. “And now it’s returned, but we have no friggen clue why. It’s not like it started coming back as soon as Cas possessed me, it just seems to have all of a sudden… pop up again.”

“May I?” Sergei asks, gesturing a hand to the scar on his shoulder. The very last thing Dean wants is to have this guy touching the mark – and judging by the angry buzzing in his veins again, Cas wasn’t too thrilled at the idea either – but it wasn’t like they had any other ideas to fall back onto.

Sergei takes Dean’s silence as ‘not a no’, stepping up to his side and placing his hand atop the hand-shaped scar on Dean’s arm. His hand doesn’t quite fit the same way that Cas’s hand did, and Dean feels his body instinctively try to move away from the wrong hand on Cas’s mark. It wasn’t Cas’s touch on his arm, and it seemed like the scar itself didn’t want it. Just this feeling of wrongness that had the functioning parts of his body recoiling, face scrunching in discomfort that got Sam and Eileen on high alert.

“What are you doing?” Eileen demanded sharply, hands reaching for the knife stored in her jacket.

Sergei has his eyes firmly shut, his back turned to the two like he didn’t fear them in the slightest. “I am analyzing the scar, as was requested of me. Though… it appears that Castiel here does not want me doing so… Or, at least, his grace does not. That is quite the claim you put on him, Castiel…”

Sergei’s eyes snapped back open, the removal of his hand from Dean’s arm a great relief to both Dean and Castiel.

“So?” Dean pressed, shaking his left arm in an attempt to shake off the ‘wrong’ feeling that lingered. “Find out anything?”

“I have two theories – which may be connected,” Sergei answered, glancing down at his own hand with his palm facing towards him, as if he could still feel the grace surging through Dean. “The first is that this is a result of Castiel’s presence inside you. The only other grace I sensed within Dean was Michael, the Archangel; so I assume this is Castiel’s first time possessing you?”

Dean nodded in response.

“I thought so. Whilst the scar itself has faded, the grace leftover from the mark would have remained inside you. Perhaps, now that the entirety – or, at least what remains – of Castiel’s grace has entered your body, it’s mixing with the grace that was already in your system caused a reaction; forcing the mark to return to the surface. However-,”

“That still wouldn’t make sense,” Sam butted in, about to fill in with what was going to be Sergei’s next point anyway. “It should have shown up immediately if that was the case, wouldn’t it?”

“Precisely,” Sergei agreed.

“So… why is it only showing up now?” Eileen asked. “What’s the second theory?”

The amusement on Sergei’s face had disappeared completely now. His gaze had been fixated on Dean ever since he had felt the mark for himself, a look of… actually, Dean wasn’t too sure what the look was. Pity? Disgust? Sympathy? Sadness?

“Are you going to tell him, Castiel?” Sergei asked. Though his eyes were locked with Dean’s it felt like he was looking straight past Dean, trying to reach the angel that was harbored within. “If you don’t – I will.”

‘Cas… look, whatever this is… I’d rather hear it from you, okay?’

‘Dean, I… I don’t…’

‘Do you know what he’s talking about? Do you… do you know the answer?’

‘I… yes. I think so yes. But Dean, it’s… I don’t see how… I just can't. I can’t…’

“Just tell me,” Dean grated out, knowing this wasn’t going to be an argument he could win.

“I believe…” Sergei began, words trailing off as his line of sight dropped from Dean’s face back to the distractingly reddish scar. “…The reason the scar faded with time is simply because you did not accept the claim, Dean. To be expected, since you didn’t even know what it was. It is back now because, to put it bluntly… you have accepted the claim.”

The silence that followed these words had to be the most uncomfortable few seconds of Dean’s life. Sergei looked like he was regretting ever coming to this place, whilst Sam and Eileen weren’t sure whether they were supposed to be looking at Dean, Sergei, each other, or the floor.

“Not that it matters to the actual problem,” Sergei added rather late, the additional information a blessing to break the uncomfortable tension they were in. “That is why I’m here, is it not?”

“Right…” Sam said blankly, shaking his head as he tried to bring himself back to reality. “Right! Yeah, uh… so, what do you think? Can it be done?”

“No,” The single word Sergei uttered was enough to kick all the air out of Dean’s lungs. “Or at least, not to my knowledge. I could look into it further but, quite frankly… I do not see the point.”

“What?” Eileen spat, pushing past Sam’s calming hold and towards the towering Russian.

“I was quite certain from our conversation on the phone that it was not possible,” Sergei replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

Dean could feel the rage that was Castiel burning inside him, the heat of it only fanning the fire of his own temper. “Then why the hell did you bother coming here?”

“Call it curiosity,” Sergei took a few cautious steps away from the pissed off faces that surrounded him. “Castiel… I’ve lost count of the amount of ‘favors’ you’ve owed me… and usually, your ‘favors’ have been nothing more than not murdering me or my loved ones. Quite frankly… you have been a thorn in my side – and so what reason would I have to put myself out to keep you alive?”

Dean’s grip on the wheels of his chair was so tight that he could feel the rubber material peeling away from underneath the force of his nails. He could feel the anger churning away inside him, ready to burst out with one wrong word…

“And besides…” Sergei continued, most definitely the wrong choice to make. The gloating, obnoxious grin was back on his face as he stepped closer to Dean, ignoring the gun Sam had drawn and currently had pointed at him. “Mostly… after what your brother told me Dean, I couldn’t miss out on an opportunity to see Castiel reduced to such a pathetic, weak form…”

That did it.

Except, it wasn’t Dean’s anger that boiled over. Castiel’s push to regain control was more like a shove, practically thrown to the back of his mind as Castiel took over. Sergei didn’t even flinch as the furious green eyes glaring at him flashed with a burning fiery blue, steadily brightening in its intensity as Castiel’s grace collected together, the violent and disastrous power it was capable of brimming just underneath Dean’s skin…

Sergei only ‘tsked’ in response to the display of power, his disgustingly sly grin widening to reveal a row of misaligned, discolored teeth. “Careful there, Castiel… You don’t want to use up too much of your burning grace, now do you? At the rate it’s disintegrating at… I wouldn’t risk it.”

Sergei wrongly assumed he had won as he saw those flaring blue eyes revert back to the sharp green ones of Dean Winchester. Though, that couldn’t be further from the truth. It hadn’t been Castiel’s choice to give back control. Rather, Dean had forced himself back into the driver’s seat as his fury propelled him forward, only just settling back into possession of his own body as his arm shoots out, catching the Russian by surprise as Dean’s hand wraps around his throat, squeezing it tight to clinch Sergei’s windpipe shut, staring up at the flailing Russian in repulsion.

“You listen here…” Dean growled at him in warning. Sam began to lower his gun down to the floor, knowing Dean had complete control over the situation – even if he didn’t exactly have control over himself right now.

“You wanna know the reason you’re here?” Dean continued, tightening his grip just a little more as Sergei attempted to pull away. “Why you, your niece, your acquaintances, everyone you love, everyone on this Earth - and every other damn Earth out there - is here? Because me, Sam, Cas, and our kid? We kicked God’s ass. Jack brought everyone back, and you know what? That wouldn’t have happened without Cas saving my life. That wouldn’t have happened without Cas insisting that Jack was good, that Jack would one day help to save the world. All of this wouldn’t be possible without Cas, so how about you show him a little bit of goddamn respect.”

Dean released his grip on Sergei's throat once the Russian’s face had shifted through a good few shades of purple. He stumbled back from the unexpected release, all but crashing into the metal barrier of the bunker’s staircase.

Sergei raised a hand to his already bruising throat, bulging eyes darting between all three of them. “What is it with you people and choking…”

“I suggest you get the hell out of our home,” Dean said. “Or like you said; you won't be doing much with a bullet in your chest.”

Sergei glanced back down to the pistol still held firmly in Sam’s hand, finger inching towards the gun’s trigger. “Alright, alright!” He said in defeat, backing up the staircase as to keep his eyes on the Winchesters – and the other weapons he knew they were likely carrying.  

The fury burning away in Dean’s veins – that of which he wasn’t sure was entirely his, or Cas’s – only ebbed away in the slightest once the Russian disappeared beyond the front door with a grumble of: “Thick-headed Americans…”

“So…” Eileen was the first to speak up, just barely resisting the urge to head up the bunker's stairs to double-check the door had locked itself. “That went about as well as I thought it would…”

“We’re not dead, so that’s a plus.” Sam offered.

“You guys have really low levels of expectations…”

“I mean… we did find out some information,” Sam pointed out. “Like, uh… we know why the mark is back…”

Sam turned his worried gaze back to his brother, who was being uncharacteristically quiet. Usually, he would chalk this up to another one of the ‘private conversations’ between Dean and Cas, but… that wasn’t what this looked like. Dean didn’t have that unseeing sheen over his eyes. He was staring directly at the floor ahead of him, jaw clenched so hard that it would surely ache something awful.

“Dean…?” Sam called his name timidly. “Dean, what’s wrong?”

“You better tell me the truth here, Cas,” Dean said out loud, voice calm and steady in that detached way where your anger has passed new limits. “Were you hiding shit from us? Again?”

The only thing in Dean’s mind were his own thoughts. He could barely feel Cas’s presence, the only indicator that he was still here with him being that almost undetectable hum of something otherworldly settled in every cell of his body.

The coward was hiding.

“Don’t you run away from me,” Dean hissed out, the outburst of anger catching both Sam and Eileen off guard. “Was that Russian dickhead telling the truth? Is your grace running out?”

A few seconds tick by in the unnaturally still bunker. Somewhere from within, Miracle whines; her high-pitched note of displeasure at her owner’s palpable anger piercing the uncomfortable quietness.

Castiel does not answer.

* * *

 That night… Dean dreams of the Impala.

He dreams of endless miles of jet black tarmac and worn road markings rumbling underneath her pristine tires. He dreams of beautiful Kansas countrysides: of rolling green fields and tall, golden crops waving gently in the evening's cool breeze as they flash by his window.

He dreams of the perfect night sky. Pitch black nothingness, dotted with bright, beautiful stars that seemed to light his way as he drove.

Baby’s worn interior was bathed in an intermittent golden glow of the overhead street lights as he passes under them; the occasional flashes of light giving sight to his cracked and scarred knuckles tightly gripped around her leather steering wheel, hoping that the monotonous motions of driving would help to ease some of the tension in his body.

He dreams of Castiel.

Or, more accurately, Castiel decides to stop being a coward and face him.

There’s no indication of Castiel’s sudden presence in the passenger seat. No flap of wings to give away his arrival. One second the seat was empty, the next it was filled by an anxiety-filled angel that stared resolutely at the road in front. It had been a long time since Cas had unexpectedly showed up in his car like that, so you’d expect him to flinch just a little. Maybe jolt in his seat, maybe ever jerk the steering wheel to the side and struggle to get Baby back under his control as his racing heart returns back to its normal speed.

Instead, his grip on the wheel tightens even more. He hears the leather screech in protest under his suffocating hands.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Don’t you dare,” Dean bites out. He was still refusing to look at Cas right now. Mostly because there’s a good chance he’d punch him if he did. “You don’t get to do that like we’re all buddy-buddy right now. Not when you’ve got some explaining to do.”

Castiel stayed silent next to him.

“Is it true?” Dean repeated his question once more. “Is your grace burning out anyway? Even when you’re not using it?”

“Yes.”

Dean thought that hearing Cas tell the truth would make him even angrier than it already was. Strangely, though, it did not. Perhaps because he was already expecting the answer. Perhaps because he was prepared for Cas to try and dance around the issue by creating a series of elaborate lies that threw him off the scent.

The anger was still there, however. How could it not? But it was accompanied by another feeling. One that’s been plaguing him a lot lately.

He felt… tired.

“Is it… is it because of me?” Dean asked. “Are you burning through your grace to keep me alive?”

“No,” Castiel asserted strongly. “This isn’t because of you. My grace, it… it was already fading, Dean. Coming back from the Empty, being placed in a vessel that is not mine… Your body is able to accommodate me, Dean – considering you were built with the ability to withstand an Archangels grace… my grace is doing no damage to you. It is simply… unable to sustain itself no longer.”

“How long have you known?” Dean was pretty sure he didn’t even want to know the answer to this question. Mostly because…

“I knew as soon as I possessed you.”

Yep. That was why.

“You know from the beginning? This whole time, and you-,”

The anger boiled over for a moment. Dean cursed sharply as he slammed his fist into the solid frame of her steering wheel, the sound startlingly loud in the quiet of Baby’s interior.

“You should have told us,” Dean scolded him. “As soon as you realized, you should have told us! Told me! We could-,”

“You could what?” Castiel interrupted him. “What could you have done different, Dean?”

“Lots of stuff!” Dean shot back. “We could have got me out of the hospital earlier! Sam and Eileen could have stayed put and helped us with the research instead of going on that hunt!”

“And let countless of innocent lives perish? Do you think I’m worth that?”

“Yes!” Dean’s yell boomed around the car, whipping his head to face Castiel for the first time, who could only stare at Dean in astonishment. “When are you going to realize it, you idiot! You’re everything to me! Sam and Eileen could have passed that hunt onto another pair of hunters! And- fuck – there we are messing about in my dumb dreams, having stupid fucking beach vacations and kicking back beers when I could have been doing something to save you!”

Castiel leveled him with that cool, steely blue gaze. “I am going to die, Dean. My grace is going to burn away. I am sorry, but that is what’s going to happen.”

“No Cas, we’re going to-,”

“No, you’re not,” Castiel said sharply, voice raising to match Dean’s ticked off tone. “We both know that recreating my vessel isn’t going to happen, Dean. I would have thought Sergei’s assessment of the situation would have clued you into that by now.”

“So what?” Dean said. “You just… strung us along? Pretended that everything would be fine, that you believed there was a way too?”

“Yes.”

“What the hell FOR?!” Dean's voice rose sharply once again. “Why would you bother when-,”

“Maybe you should look at it from my perspective for once in your stubborn life, Dean!” This was one of the rare times Castiel raised his voice at him, and it never failed to shut him up the second he heard it. “I accepted my end the day I took the Empty’s deal! Knowing that in my death, I was able to save you? I was content with that. Coming back from the Empty on what I knew from the start would be nothing more than borrowed time… it’s been a blessing. Do you know why?”

Dean could only stare blankly at Castiel in numb shock.

“Because of you. Your ‘dumb’ dreams have been some of my own deepest desires, Dean! In what other scenario would I ever get to do such things? Even the simple ones, ones where it’s just us. Just us in the bunker, talking. I am grateful for this extra time, because it’s extra time with you. So yes, maybe I preferred ‘stringing you along’ and pretending that there was a chance. Perhaps I preferred being able to spend the last few days I have on this Earth in your dreams, by your side, instead of hours hunched over a desk table doing research I know leads to nowhere! Maybe that makes me selfish, but for once, I think I’m entitled to that little bit of happiness. Even if only for a little while.”

Baby’s tires squeal against the road as Dean slams his foot onto the brakes, leaving behind black burn marks on the road as the Impala comes to a sudden spot on the empty road. Dean’s chest heaves with heavy intakes of breath like he’s just ran a damn marathon, fingers trembling as they remain gripped tight around the steering wheel. “You… you can’t-,”

“I can’t what?” Castiel asks in that slow, dejected tone Dean hates hearing from him.

“You… how can… fuck!”

Dean promptly throws open Baby’s door, jumping out of his seat and slamming the door closed behind him. The cold, biting air does wonders to calm him down, taking in deep lungfuls of the night air as he attempts to clear his mind. With a shake of his head, he wanders over the front of Baby’s hood and perches himself down, burying his head into his hands in the hopes he’ll wake from the nightmare.

Because that’s what it was, now. A nightmare. Now he knows his one deepest fear will become true. He’s going to lose Cas. Again. And perhaps, worst of all… Cas seems to have given up the fight himself. Knowing this, and knowing what Castiel had just told him…

He’s sure he’s going to say or do something very, very dumb.

The hinges to Baby’s doors creak as they’re pushed open, followed by the dull thud of it being closed much softer (and with more respect, if Dean’s being honest with himself) than he had. Dean hears the soft, padded footsteps of shoes against the asphalt, then the feeling of the hood dipping as an extra weight is added. He can feel the warmth of Cas’s body bleeding into the cold air next to him, only mere inches away. Of course he would… That was his thing. Plenty of space to stand or sit, and Cas always chose to get as close to Dean as humanly possible.

Always.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel is the first to apologize. “I thought… perhaps it would be a kindness, to not tell you. To let your last memories of me be… of us ‘messing about in your dumb dreams’… I didn’t want you to worry.”

Dean pulls his head out of his hands at this, staring vacantly at the never-ending stretch of road ahead. “Why’s it always gotta be us, Cas? Why are we always dealt the shit cards…”

“Because that’s life,” Castiel responded, keeping his gaze fixed on his hands as they hung loosely between his knees. “It’s not often fair. And can sometimes be seen as downright cruel, but… I think that’s because we often focus on the negatives, more than the positives. They seem… bigger, somehow. More impactful. Sometimes, we have to stop focusing on the negatives so much. Don’t let them build up on you. Then… the positives seem just that little bit bigger.”

“Yeah, well… don’t know how many of the positives there’s gonna be when you’re gone, Cas. I… I can never seem to say goodbye to you.”

“This go around… you have more time. I know you’ll find the words.” Castiel said softly, turning his head to the side to look to Dean. “And even if you don’t… that’s okay. You were never a man of many words, Dean Winchester. You’re more… a man of action.”

Dean almost managed to laugh at that. “Yeah? How so?”

“Subtle things I’ve picked up over the years,” Castiel replied. “The pat of your arms on my back as you hug me. Your grasp on my thigh, when I returned from the death by that reapers hand. Your hand squeezing my shoulder as you wrap a blanket around my cursed body… brushing a hand over my growing stubble in Purgatory… the lingering touch of your hand on mine whenever I was saved from the brink of death…”

Castiel’s face broke out into a soft, sad smile as he reached the end of his list, finally raising his eyes up to lock with Dean’s. “You say more with your actions than I think you intend. But that’s okay. Your own personal language is the one out of hundreds that I valued learning the most.”

Dean could only hold the eye contact for a few seconds more after that, dropping back down to his lap as Castiel’s words whirled around his head. “Do, uh… Do you even know how long you have left before…?”

“At its current rate… I’d say a month at most. Perhaps a few weeks.”

“A few…?” Is all Dean can get out before his throat constricts, cutting him off. “Then what? You’re just… gone?”

“As I said before - I’m not too sure on what happens. Either I’ll simply burn away, or… I am forced to take control of you. Which is why there’s something I need to ask of you, Dean.”

Dean didn’t like the sound of that one bit. “…What?”

“When the time comes… when my grace is nearly all burnt out… I am going to very weak,” Castiel’s eyes were burning into the side of his head, something that Dean couldn’t ignore. “I am… worried, to say the least; that the second option will be what occurs when it runs out completely. I can not allow that to happen. Do you understand me, Dean?”

“I… No, not really?”

“There’s a good chance that I will be so weak, I am unable to eject myself from your body,” Castiel continued in answer, reaching out a hand to rest on Dean’s shoulder. Dean bit back a gasp as the electricity shot through his body once more, even though there was a layer of flannel stopping Cas’s hand from touching the scar directly.

“If that is to happen…” Castiel continued, his voice firm with his urgency. “You are to forcefully eject me, Dean.”

“What?” Dean snapped, disgusted with even the thought of doing such a thing. “Cas, I could never-,”

“I need you to promise me,” Cas said firmly, tightening his hold on Dean’s shoulder. “I could never, ever, live with myself If I did that to you. When I tell you to, you will revoke your permission. Do you understand?”

“Cas, you… you can’t expect me to do this…” Dean said, voice utterly broken.

“I need your word. Promise me you’ll eject me when the time comes, Dean. Otherwise, I’ll leave right now-,”

“NO!” Dean shot out a hand to wrap around the arm on his shoulder, keeping Cas firmly in place. “Don’t you even think about it. We… there’s still a chance.”

“Dean-,”

“There’s still a chance,” Dean insisted, his fingers scrunching in the familiar scratchy material of Cas’s trench-coat. “We still have a few more weeks at least to find something. But if we don’t… dammit… okay… I promise, Cas. I’ll… I’ll do it.”

Dean felt the grip on his shoulder relax at his promise, releasing his own hold on Castiel’s arm and letting the angel's hand slip away. Immediately, he could feel the scar on his shoulder ache, keenly missing its owner’s touch.

“We’ll find a way,” Dean promised him quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. “We will.”

“You can try,” Castiel replied, gazing up at the night sky. “And that’s already more than I can ask of you.”

Looking to Cas, drinking in the subtle, relaxed smile on the angel's face as he was bathed in the ethereal silver glow of the moon, was when a question popped into Dean Winchester’s head. It was one he had been actively avoiding for… well, from the second Castiel had made that confession. That world turning, gut-punching, revelation of a confession.

“Hey, Cas?”

“Hmm?” Castiel hummed low in response, keeping his gaze on the beautiful display of stars above.

“When did you realize you were in love with me?”

The relaxed smile slipped away at Dean’s words, his throat visibly shifting as he swallowed down his nerves.

“We both know we can’t pretend it never happened,” Dean said.

“I wasn’t pretending,” Castiel said. “I didn’t mention it for your sake. I assumed you didn’t want to talk about it.”

“Yeah… not too sure if I can… but this is me, trying.”

“I suppose it is…” Castiel said. He still couldn’t look at Dean.

“So… do you know when-,”

“When I watched you rake the leaves.”

“…When you… what?”

“It was in Fall,” Castiel elaborated. “Back in two thousand and ten. This was… when you were living with Lisa Braeden and her son. When Heaven was on the verge of Civil war, and I had not long after recovered Sam from Hell. I was… desperate. Desperate for an answer. For help. You were the first person I thought of Dean. Of course you were.”

“But… you didn’t come to me…” Dean said. “I would remember that. You went with Crowley instead… you ripped open Purgatory for its souls…”

“I went to you,” Castiel maintained. “But you couldn’t see me. I kept myself hidden. I… I couldn’t bring myself to tear you away from your new life. For once, you looked at peace. You had, miraculously, found a way out of the Hunter’s life. And I couldn’t bear to be the one that brought you back in.”

“You should have,” Dean argued, but with no heat to his voice. This was an argument they had many years ago, now.

“Perhaps… but you know what was strange, Dean? As I watched you there, performing such a simple chore… I felt jealousy. A strange emotion, and one I had yet to fully comprehend… What was I jealous of? At first, I thought, perhaps, I wanted to take your place. To be free of the burden of my responsibilities. No more Heaven, no more fighting between my brothers and sisters… No more apocalypses, no more choosing sides… I thought that, somehow… I wanted to become human. To exist in a world where my biggest worries were taxes and maintaining the yard…”

“I’m guessing by the ‘at first’ that it wasn’t the reason you were jealous?”

“No, it was not,” Castiel agrees. “I was not jealous of you… I was jealous of Lisa. It’s wasn’t your place I wanted to take… it was hers. I wanted to be the one you came home to. I wanted to be the one that laughed with you in the kitchen as we prepared dinner. I wanted to be the one to stand by the window and watch you as you raked the leaves in our yard. I wanted you. It was then… that was when I realized I had fallen for you, Dean Winchester. And in realizing that… I knew I couldn’t take you away from the small piece of happiness you had found. So…”

“So, you went with Crowley…” Dean finished for him.

“Yes… and I believe you know the rest.”

“So… Jesus, that’s… what, ten years? Ten years, Cas? How… how did you hold onto that for so long?”

The corner of Cas’s lips curled up, huffing out a small laugh. “It’s not something I had to ‘hold onto’, more… it was what drove me. No matter how dark or pointless everything seemed… I had to keep trying. Not just because it's the right thing, but because… because you never gave up. Because I had you, and with you I had Sam, I had Jack, I had Claire, and Jody, and… well, through you, I had family. I had a reason.”

“Wow, uh…” Dean mumbled, awkwardly shuffling his legs atop the Impala. “You know, I uh… I’m not used to hearing stuff like that, man. Most girls that throw themselves out me, are, well… let’s say they’re not in it for who I am, more…”

“There is no denying you’re a very attractive human, Dean,” Castiel told him. For some reason, hearing Cas calling him attractive in a way that was – well, Cas like – brought a dusting of red to his face. “But your physical appearance is not the part of you that caught my attention.”

“Is it my plucky attitude?”

Cas pretended that he didn’t hear that amazing comment. “In those times where I see you doubt yourself… when you judge yourself so harshly… I wish I could give you my vision. Your soul, Dean, its… its light is what guided me to you in Hell. Even when we were down there, and you had been twisted by torture… I had never seen anything so beautiful.”

Dean laughed awkwardly – the only reaction he can fall back onto – scratching at the back of his head. “Come on… can’t be that special… I imagine it’s got quite a few blemishes…”

Cas looked to Dean’s steadily reddening face, listening to Dean ramble in his deflections with a soft sigh. “Like I said… if only you could see.”

Dean risked a glance over to Cas, only to see the angel had returned his gaze back to the splattering of stars overhead. He turned his face in the same direction, feeling himself relax as he fell back into a routine he had done many times with Sam. Watching the stars… it was the one consistent moment of peace they were able to find on the road. Throughout all the moments of chaos, traveling from one hunt to another, one shitty rundown motel to another… the night sky was always there, waiting.

Dean watches in awe as a stream of light shoots across the sky, moving so quickly it was gone in a few blinks of an eye. Then there was another. And another. And another, and another. Shooting stars, speeding across the night sky like brushes of white paint across a dark canvas.

“Do you see that Dean?” Castiel asks him calmly, raising a hand to point a finger at the streaming stars. “The stars weep when they see you Dean Winchester, for they know they could never shine as bright.”

The words seem to suck all the air out of his lungs. Dean tears his eyes away from the night sky, looking to Castiel in dumbfoundment that the angel could make such a declaration. Castiel was still looking up at the sky though, that relaxed smile on his face like he hadn’t just said yet another thing that sent Dean’s head spinning.

“I still remember the day God placed the stars in the sky. This Galaxy was the first he made, of course. The Sun was the first part of it created, and was already there before I was created myself… Back then, as you can imagine, God was… he was… I don’t even have the words for it. He was our creator, our father – I don’t think ‘love’ is an adequate enough word.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Dean said. “You didn’t know what Chuck was yet…”

“No, we didn’t. Life on Earth had yet to even begin. Space was just… that. Space. Darkness… One day, God turned to us and said ‘How about we fill in the blanks?’, and then… it was truly remarkable to see, Dean. It took him so long to do, used so much energy… Now, thinking back on it, the time seemed to go by in the blink of an eye, but at the end of it? There was this. What was once a blanket of nothingness was filled with these small dots of light. They seemed so insignificant from afar, but to know they were these giant balls of light… It was then, actually. God had spent all that time working, creating, utterly exhausted, and yet… seeing the stars is, I believe, when he had the idea for Souls. Each more powerful than a hundred suns… There was never doubt from us, and yet when he did it… I didn’t think I would ever get to see something more beautiful than the first soul. I was proven wrong, billions of years later, when I laid eyes upon yours.”

And that’s when Dean knew.

No, not knew… That’s not the right word. It wasn’t like a punch to the gut, kick to the head moment of realization. It wasn’t something that had him running for the hills, doubting everything he thought he knew about himself.

It was more like… accepting. Acknowledging it.

He was in love with Cas.

For all he knew, it could have been as long as Cas had known. It certainly wasn’t ‘love at first sight’ or any crap like that. No, he was downright terrified of Cas the first time he saw him. Maybe a little admiration, sure. It’s not every day you meet an Angel; one that pulled you out of Hell on God’s orders no less. And it sure as hell took him some time after that to warm up to him. But somewhere along the way, this long winding journey of theirs… he had fallen for Cas.

It had come naturally. It wasn’t destiny either. He hated that word. There was no way in hell that Chuck wrote this in as some weird, perverted love story. It just wasn’t his style, because then it would give Dean some little semblance of happiness, and he knows Chuck did all he could to keep him from that.

It didn’t happen all of a sudden. It just… happened.

When he tried to think of himself getting out of the hunter life, settling into that domestic civilian one… he could never see it. Mostly because… he always thought he’d be alone that way. Sam would go on and live his own life, and where would that leave him? Whenever he tried to imagine himself meeting someone, picturing that person by his side… the face was always blank. Which is perhaps why he could never see the whole thing working out. And now, taking in the sight of his angel smiling so peacefully as he recounts the few memories he has of a God that seemed to care… he lets himself feel it. He lets himself fill in the blank face with Cas’s…

And it just fits.

Castiel began talking again, snapping Dean out of his thoughts. “Dreams are fascinating, aren’t they? A survival mechanism built into your subconscious…. Did you know that’s why nightmares are so common? It’s almost like… a form of training. A way for your brain to act out the stresses in your waking life… but then you can also dream of incredible things.”

A smile creeps across Dean’s face as he listens to Cas talk so enthusiastically, watching as he waves his hand to gesture all around them.

“Take this, for example! I know it’s not possible with all humans, and it’s incredibly rare, but the fact that you can sometimes find a way to take control of your dreams! With one single thought, with one wave of the hand-,” Castiel waves his hand across the sky above them, creating another batch of strikingly vivid shooting stars that trailed after his hand. “-You can have anything you desire.”

“Anything, huh?” Dean asks, unable to wipe the giddy smile off his face.

“Yes, anything!” Castiel repeated firmly, finally tearing his eyes from the night sky back down to Dean. “Anything you can-,”

Dean leans across the hood of the Impala, wrapping a hand around Castiel’s familiar blue tie and yanking him closer. Cas’s words stutter off as Dean’s lips crash into his, feeling Dean’s other hand grasping tightly at the lapel of his trench-coat.

Dean tries to fight down his concern that Cas isn’t kissing him back. In fact, Cas isn’t doing much of anything other than sitting there frozen like a block of ice. When he pulls away from Cas, he’s met with blue eyes wider than he’s ever seen, and a look of both awe and horror on the angel's face.

“Why did you do that?” Castiel whispers to him, raising a hand to his still tingling lips.

“That’s kind of a stupid question, isn’t it?” Dean retaliated.

“Dean, you-,” Castiel stops, shaking his head with his eyes scrunched closed. “Please… don’t do it like this… Not like this…”

Dean frowned at the sight of Cas scooting away from him. “What are you talking about, man?”

“I know you feel bad for me…” Castiel said. “I know that you feel guilty for the way things were left when the Empty took me. And now, knowing that I don’t have long left… I don’t want this to happen out of guilt, Dean. Because you think it’s how to say goodbye, or because… because you think it’ll make me feel better.”

“Hey, hey, hey – this ain’t pity,” Dean insists, his frown deepening. “And it sure as hell ain’t a goodbye. I told you Cas; we’re gonna find a way to keep you here. You know why?”

Castiel only stares warily at him in response.

“Because we’re making our own damn destinies now. We’re writing our own story, and guess what, Cas? You’re in mine. We’re gonna get you your body back. Then me and you and gonna take Miracle for long walks in the woods. We’re gonna watch all those classic movies I promised I’d watch with you. We’re gonna have those lazy Sunday mornings where we both try and race each other to make breakfast in bed for the other. I’m going to have those days where I wake up and look at you, and I’m gonna realize just how damn lucky I am that I have your love. And I’m going to kiss you every time I remember that. You know why?”

The cautious hope on Castiel’s face is absolutely heartbreaking to see. Even worse is when he shakes his head. He should know. He should know.

“Because now I know, Cas. I know what those words should have been when you said goodbye to me. I’m not kissing you because I feel bad for you, Cas. I’m kissing you because I love you. It’s as simple as that.”

Castiel blinks rapidly at him for a few moments, the blank and emotionless look on his face doing nothing to soothe Dean’s nerves.

“As simple as…?” Cas rumbles out, the blankness giving way to disbelief, and… wait, was that anger?

“You stupid son of a-,” Castiel growls out before grabbing Dean by the collar of his shirt – who thought for a split second that Castiel was going to take a swing at him. Instead, he’s met with Cas’s lips on his own; an insisting and demanding pressure that took him by surprise. Cas’s hand shifts from his collar, resting atop the scar on his shoulder, where that spark of electricity has him gasping into Cas’s mouth. Dean’s hands find themselves grasping onto the sleeve of Cas’s trench-coat, the other resting on the side of Cas’s face; the sharp scratchiness of Castiel’s stubble against the palm of his hand being a sensation he isn’t used to - but welcomes.

“There is nothing simple about you Dean Winchester,” Castiel takes a moment to break away from his lips to growl at him. “Only you could make something so damn complicated…”

“…Sorry?” Dean meekly offers, the charming smile he usually puts on for girls coming out a bit more lopsided than he intended.

Castiel can only sigh, dropping his head down to rest against Dean’s. Dean lets his eyes slide closed at the comforting contact, taking in deep breaths of air.

“I really am sorry,” Dean whispers to him, his breath warm against the night air as it fans across Castiel’s face. “I can be a little slow at times… it shouldn’t have taken me this long.”

“I’m still not entirely sure this is real,” Castiel admits. “I never even let myself imagine what it would be like, because… I knew it could never happen.”

“I never knew it was something you wanted,” Dean tells him. “I didn’t know it was something you could want. I thought you always saw me… as a friend. A brother.”

“I did. Because that’s the way you saw me. And that was already more than I ever thought I could have.”

Dean’s face softened at that, closing his eyes again so he wouldn’t have to see the enduring pain on Cas’s face. “You deserved so much more, Cas…”

Castiel timidly reaches his hand out, the pads of his fingers brushing against the top of Dean’s hand where it rested atop the Impala’s hood. Dean twists his hand around, letting Cas’s fingers intertwine between his own, another small smile etched across his face as Cas’s thumb wraps around his.

“If I have this?” Castiel says, squeezing Dean’s hand. “I have you? There’s nothing else I could ask for.”

Dean tilts his head down to place another soft kiss on Cas’s lips, lingering there for a moment as he lets himself take in all that is Cas.

“Home…” Dean whispers against Cas’s lips, getting a confused hum from his angel in response.

“Home?”

“That’s what your grace smells likes,” Dean tells him with a lazy grin, brushing his thumb leisurely across Castiel’s hand. “You smell like home.”

Next Chapter - - ->

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Hammer of the Gods: Final Part

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1,531

Warnings: typical supernatural violence, language, angst, blood, you know the usual

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated. I really want to hear what you guys think about this one!

Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.

Tags at the bottom

“Show's over,” you say when you enter the ballroom. “Sword's a fake, and Gabriel’s still kicking. I hate to break it to you, sister, but you've been tricked.”

Kali doesn’t say anything, but she has a hopeful look in her eyes. She still has feelings for Gabriel, that much you can see.

“What now?” Sam asks.

“Now, all we have to do is—”

The lights flicker in the Grand Ballroom, and you cut yourself off and look at the lights.

“What's happening?” Baldur asks.

“It’s him,” Sam nods.

“How do you know?” Kali wonders.

“Does it matter? Shazzam us outta here, would ya?” Dean says.

“We can’t,” Baldur sighs.

“Of course you can't,” Lucifer says from the double doors. He doesn’t look the same since you last saw him. Whatever his vessel is doing to him, it’s not good. There are red sores all over his face as if his vessel is breaking down. It’s like whoever he’s possessing isn’t fit to handle such a powerful creature. “You didn't say, ‘mother, may I?’. Sam, Dean, Y/N, good to see you again.”

“Baldur, don't,” Kali says when she sees her partner size up Lucifer.

“You think you own the planet? What gives you the right?” he sasses.

He stalks towards Lucifer to confront him, but the archangel just shoves his bare hand through his chest and out the other side.

“No one gives us the right, we take it,” he says and rips his hand out, killing the Norse God instantly.

Lucifer tosses Baldur to the side like he’s nothing, and that pisses Kali off. Both of her arms erupt in flames, and you and the brothers do the smart thing and hide behind an overturned table for cover. This is a fight for the grownups, and it’s best if you stay out of the way. She throws flame after flame at Lucifer, but no matter how much fire gets on the archangel, it doesn’t damage his vessel any more than it already is.

She stalks to him angrily, but before she can get in another shot, he hits her with an uppercut to the chin, sending her flying through the air.

“You okay?” Sam whispers to you and his brother.

“Not really. Better late then never, huh?” Gabriel answers from besides you. Where the hell did he come from? Did he finally come to his senses and join the fight against his brother? He takes out a DVD from his jacket and shoves it into your chest gently. “Guard this with your life.”

“Okay,” you whisper.

You use your magic to conceal the DVD before shoving it in your jacket.

He doesn’t explain what it is, and he gets up to deal with his older brother. He shoves his hand out and sends Lucifer flying through the double doors and into the hallway. Gabriel has his archangel blade in his hand with determination. Well, you think it’s an archangel blade. You’re not really sure anymore.

“Lucy, I'm home,” he chuckles. Lucifer stomps over to him, but Gabriel raises the blade higher, which stops the other angel in his tracks. “Not this time.” He reaches behind him and helps Kali to her feet. Now that you know it’s safe, you and the Winchesters reveal yourself. “Guys! Get her outta here!”

Deciding not to question him, Sam and Dean take Kali and guide her to the doors so she can escape the hotel. You’re not that far behind, and you refuse to back down from Lucifer’s hard gaze.

“Over a girl. Gabriel, really? I mean I knew you were slumming, but I hope you didn't catch anything,” Lucifer says right as you leave.

You’re not staying for the rest of that conversation. There is no more trouble for you as you leave the hotel, and you three rush to the car with Kali trailing behind.

“I'm not getting in that thing.”

“Just get in the car, princess,” Dean rolls his eyes.

You open the door for her, and once she’s inside, you squeeze in next to her. The brothers get in, and Dean wastes no time leaving the hotel grounds. Kali has the vials containing your blood, so as long as you’re with her, you can leave. Once she destroys them, you’re free from her spell.

ALL PERFORMERS IN THIS FILM ARE OVER THE AGE OF 18, HAVE CONSENTED TO BEING PHOTOGRAPHED, AND HAVE PROVIDED PROOF OF AGE. 18 U.S.C. SECTION 2257

Whatever film Gabriel gave you, you thought watching it was a good idea. He hasn’t come back from his little play date with his brother, so you figured something bad might have happened to him. It’s the next day, and you’re watching the DVD with the brothers on Sam’s laptop in the middle of nowhere.

“Dear Diary, being a high-powered business president is super-fun. But so exhausting. Sometimes, I just need to relax. I need Casa Erotica,” a female says sexily.

Is this really a porn video? There is a knock on the door, and the woman dressed in very little clothing gets off the bed excitedly.

“Room Service!” a man says from behind the door.

Wait, you know that voice…

“Come in!” the woman says with a smile.

“Gabriel wanted you to guard this with your life?” Sam asks you.

“Hey, don’t look at me. I figured it was worth something. Now, I’m not so sure,” you shudder and continue to watch the DVD.

The door to the hotel room opens, and Gabriel walks in wearing a mustache and a service waiter’s outfit.

“I've got the kielbasa you ordered,” he says to the woman.

“Ooh, Polish?”

“Hunagrian,” he smirks and throws the dish on the mantle.

The screen goes black, and all you hear is the sound of Gabriel kissing the woman.

“Okay, if this continues, I’m burning your laptop,” you groan.

“I might let you,” Sam clears his throat.

The screen goes from being black to showing Gabriel and the woman making out on the bed. He’s feeling her up and down sensually, and the woman is moaning.

“What the fuck is going on?” you demand to know.

Gabriel stops kissing the woman, turns to face the camera, takes off his mustache, and breaks the fourth wall of the film.

“Sam, Dean, Y/N. You're probably wondering what the hell is going on. Well, if you're watching this, I'm dead. Oh please! Stop sobbing, it's embarrassing for all of us. Without me, you've got zero shot at killing Lucifer. Sorry, but you can trap him.

“The cage you sprung Lucifer from? It's still down there. Maybe, just maybe, you can shove his ass back in. Not that it'll be easy. You gotta get the cage open and trick my bro back into it. And uh, oh yeah, avoid Michael and the God Squad. But hey, details, right?

“Wait for it, here's the big secret that Lucifer himself doesn't even know—the key to the cage? It's out there. Actually it's keys, plural. Four keys, well, four rings from the Horsemen. You get 'em all, you got the cage. Can't say I'm betting on you boys and Y/N. But, uh, hey! I've been wrong before. And Y/N, you were right. I was afraid to stand up to my brother, but not anymore. So this is me, standing up.”

Gabriel stands off the bed only to lay back down, but on top of the woman.

“And this is me lying down.”

He grabs the woman and starts the process of getting down and dirty. This is proving to be too much for you to see, so you slam Sam’s laptop down with force and shudder.

“That is something I don’t need to see,” you shrug.

“Horsemen, huh? Well we got War's, and we nicked Famine's, which means that's two down. Collect all four seems like a piece of cake.”

“Wait, when did you get War’s?” you ask.

You know you’ve asked him this before, but a lot has happened since then, and you’re fuzzy on the incident since you weren't with them.

“Oh, right, you weren't there. Where were you while we were trying to fight for something that actually mattered?”

“Oh, so saving a whole town from killing each other doesn’t matter? Ellen and Jo don’t fucking matter?” you yell.

“Well, I know they do,” he glares.

“Enough! Seriously, you guys, you need to stop this,” Sam interrupts.

He grabs his laptop off the top of the car and tucks it underneath his arm.

“I’m not the one who needs to stop. It’s him that needs to grow the fuck up and start acting like a mature fucking adult,” you sneer.

“Oh bite me,” he hisses.

“Stop! Both of you, get in the car! All we need are the rings from Death and Pestilence. Let’s focus on getting them instead of each other, okay?”

“Fine by me!” you yell and get into the car.

You slam the door a little harder than necessary, and the brothers get inside a few seconds after you. Sam is getting sick and tired of this fighting. He wants it to end, but he doesn’t see it ending well.

Neither do you and Dean.

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