#'jesus christ lady. and i thought i was unstable'

[maculategiraffe]

ok I never read the sequel to flowers in the attic before and come to find out it's absolutely fucking bonkers. it's called petals on the wind but I think it should probably have been called cathy dollanganger is not ok

[mandoalorian]

Pain Is For The Living [Javier Peña x F!Reader] - Chapter 3

Summary: Sex work in the heat of 1980’s Colombia was never going to be a walk in the park. Especially not when you had a crush on your number one client, agent Javier Peña. You’d been warned about him and his reputation, but after one very specific incident that would change your life forever, you find yourself attached to him like never before and you’d do anything to make him yours. Even if it means endangering your own life.

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Javier being kind of an asshole, allusions to sex, a ~moment~ in the bathtub, mention of PTSD and trauma, food mention, drink mention, ...feelings?

Word count: 4200

Author’s Note: It’s been so long! I’m sorry. It’s been pretty hectic and I’ve been doing my best to wrap up my other series’ and complete requests. I appreciate you all for sticking around and asking for updates on this chapter. I’ve mentioned it a few times, but PIFTL is very difficult to write. It deals with very sensitive issues and so not only can it be mentally draining to write, it takes a lot of time to research and edit. I won’t give up on this series though. I adore this story and can’t wait to share it all with you.

Pain Is For The Living Masterlist

* Reblogs appreciated and my ko-fi is linked in my bio if you wish to support my writing!

Nina pushed off Javi quicker than a bullet leaving a gun, grabbing a blanket from her bed and wrapping it around her naked body. “What the fuck Javier?” she spat.

Jesus Christ -- Javier had never made that mistake before. Moaning someone else’s name? He was better than that. It took him a moment to just process what happened, Nina’s yelling and accusations only a blur in the background. “Who is she, Javier?” Nina questioned, her tone venomous. That was enough to snap the agent out of his thoughts. Her cold eyes burned like wildfire as she glared at him. “Who. Is. She?”

“Uh…” Javier racked his brains to try and figure out a way he’d be able to save this situation. But the longer he took to answer Nina’s question, the more infuriated she got. “Informant.”

That wasn’t exactly a lie. You’d agreed to help him. But whether or not you’d actually be able to provide Javier with any relevant information was a different ordeal in itself.

“You’re still sleeping with your informants?” Nina gasped a little, clicking her tongue and shaking her head in disappointment. “Why am I not surprised?”

Javier sighed and rolled his eyes, pulling himself off Nina’s bed and grabbing his denim jeans that had been previously discarded on the floor. “C’mon Ni, don’t get jealous now. We haven’t been together for like, a year.” Javier hummed, zipping up his pants. His eyes darted around the room as he tried to locate his shirt. Maybe there was no fixing this. For a split second, he’d forgotten why things had ended with Nina, but now it was becoming clear again. He just had to get outta there. He needed air, and a smoke. 

“I let you cum inside of me and you moan out another woman’s name!” Nina exclaimed, shaking her fists in the air. “Javier Peña I fucking hate you!”

Javier offered Nina a small shrug of his shoulders before finding his shirt and buttoning it up. “I’ll see you around Ni.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Called him seventeen times Con, he’s taking the piss.” Steve grimaced, aggressively flicking to the next page of the Bogotá local newspaper.

“Will you just calm down? He’s our friend. We’re doing him a favour. He'll be back soon,” Connie sighed, glancing back over to you, where you had been sleeping on the sofa for the past two and a half hours. “She sleeps better than our Liv,” Connie noted. “Wish we could sleep as well as that.”

Steve hummed in agreement. “I’ll go check on Liv.” He announced at the mention of his daughter. He’d put her down for a nap about an hour ago in Javier’s bedroom.

“No honey, I’ll go. You keep working on your crossword,” Connie giggled before pointing her index finger into one of the blank squares. “Fourteen down: Los huevos revueltos.” 

“I would’ve got that,” Steve huffed, scrambling to write the answer down. He definitely would not have. The Spanish puzzle was made for infants and yet he was still struggling.

“Whatever Murph.” Connie rolled her eyes, leaving the table where they were both sitting at. 

The second she left the room, you woke up in a cold sweat, feeling dizzy and shaking from a nightmare you didn’t want to remember. Your cheeks were wet, tear stained and goose pimples pricked at your arms. You checked your surroundings in a fluster, not recognising the brown leather couch you were laying on, or the oak wood coffee table in front of you, or even the television pushed against the cream coloured walls. A man with blonde hair and mustache raced over to you, and dropped to his knees, holding you by your shoulders.

“Are you okay?” The man quizzed, his blue eyes searching to meet yours. You were horrified, the feeling of an unfamiliar man grabbing you like this. You screamed in terror, and defensively dug your fingernails into his skin. The man yelped out and stumbled back from you, hitting the coffee table in the process. “Fuck-- shit-- ow--” He gasped. “Connie!” he called. “Connie, she's awake!”

The way he yelled and screamed your name... it was like you were some kind of monster. You hated it.

The sound of footsteps padding into the living room alerted you, and a woman, not much older than you, knelt down in front of you. But unlike the man, she knew well enough to keep her distance. “Hi sweetheart, are you alright? I’m Connie, don’t be afraid. You’re okay.” she assured you, her voice sweet like honey. 

“Where am I?” you choked out, tears filling your eyes. 

Connie hesitated for a moment. “She doesn’t remember where she is?” Steve asked Connie with concern, scratching the back of his neck as he pulled himself together and shuffled over to you. Taking a note out of Connie’s book, he kept his distance. Connie briefly explained to her husband how your behaviour right now actually made a lot of sense, and how victims of PTSD can often have ‘memory blanks’.

“Darling, I’m Connie Murphy. I’m a nurse. And this is my husband Steve. Steve is DEA. He’s friends with Javier Peña. You know that name, right? Javier Peña.” She repeated his name slow and steady, allowing you to take your time to process the words. Javier Peña. Just like that, a wave of calmness washed over you. His name felt like home. It felt like safety. 

“I know Javi.” you whispered in admittance, shuffling around on the sofa. You could feel your lips trembling. It was strange. You were new to Bogotá, and you didn’t really have any friends, other than the late Rosa. And well, Javier too. He was a client, sure, but he was always kind and gentle with you, unlike your other customers. You’d like to think of him as a friend. Right now, he was the only person you had. 

“This is Javier’s place. He’s going to watch over you for a little while, okay?” Connie explained. “We are your friends and we’re not going to hurt you. I promise,” the lady soothed. She turned to Steve. “Bring over Olivia.”

“What-- why?” Steve quizzed, his eyebrows furrowing together in bewilderment.

“She needs to know she can trust us. Bring over Olivia,” Begrudgingly following his wife’s instruction, a wary Steve stood up and padded into Javier’s bedroom where Olivia had been left to sleep in a small, transportable crib. He picked up his daughter and carried her into the living room. “This is my daughter Olivia,” Connie told you quietly, smoothing out Olivia’s black hair. “She’s one year old. Would you like to hold her?”

“Connie are you fucking crazy?” Steve snapped.

“I’m a fucking nurse Steve, I know what I’m doing.” Connie hissed back, taking Olivia from her father. She looked back over to you and her deep frown turned into a comforting smile as she slowly handed you the baby. Connie’s hands never left Olivia, and she made an effort to support her head as you cradled the sleeping baby in your arms.

Holding Olivia Murphy gave you a feeling of responsibility. If Steve and Connie were dangerous, they would never have shown you their daughter, let alone allow you to hold her in your arms. You contemplated everything and although it was hard, you decided that you probably could trust them. Still, it raised the question: “Where is Javi?”

Steve shook his head incredulously and stood up, grabbing the phone from one of the side tables and dialling his partner’s number again. You didn’t know what was wrong with the blonde haired agent, but you got the impression that he did not want to be here.

“Steve is going to call him, again. He went to get groceries. I’m sure he won’t be long.” Connie informed softly, and you nodded your head. 

“Your baby is adorable,” you announced quietly and Connie smiled, thankful you were beginning to talk a little more. Seemingly, you’d calmed down, which meant Connie’s comforting approach had worked.

“She’s a real gem, isn’t she?”

Javier was just a couple of blocks away when his carphone began to ring. He eyed up the display and read the ‘17 missed calls’, cursing under his breath. He clicked the accept button and continued to drive.

“Javier Peña. You prick.”

“Hi bestie.” Javier grinned, shaking his head at Steve’s introduction. Typical.

“You left us here for three fucking hours with some random girl -- who, by the way, is incredibly unstable, Javier. I don’t know what you’re getting yourself into, but I’m not here for it. Where the fuck have you been? No, forget that. You better be home in the next ten minutes and you better have the ingredients for my fucking paella.” Steve growled before angrily slamming the phone down on the hook.

Javier couldn’t help but chuckle. Steve Murphy was ever the drama queen.

As he drove down the street, he made one final attempt to shrug off what had happened with Nina. Okay, yeah, saying your name was a little uncalled for. But she always got so needy and possessive -- even when she had no reason to be. Nina and Javier weren’t exclusive and hadn’t been for a long time, so, what was her deal?

What was even more concerning to Javi, was the fact he said your name in the first place. Nina looked rather similar to you. Not identical, but from a distance, there was a chance she could’ve been mistaken. Only, when he was pounding into her from behind, he wasn’t at a distance. In fact he couldn’t have been any closer, and yet he still said your name. He was really struggling to justify it. 

Sure, he’d been thinking about you when he was inside of her. But was that really so bad? You were clearly on his mind, and Javier just pinned that down to the fact he’d been out all day investigating the crime scene at the brothel. He’d been with you, he’d held you and comforted you. Fuck, even before noon he had been fucking your mouth. It wasn’t exactly unreasonable…

But moaning out your name… shit, could Javier really get past that? Was there any way to justify that -- other than the blatant and glaring honest reason that Javier refused to admit. He wouldn’t even let his mind go there. Whatever, it was fine. He was home now. The end of a long day.

Javier grabbed the groceries from the back of his car and buzzed himself into the DEA apartment block where he and Steve were living. Making his way over to his apartment, he opened the front door and set the brown paper bag of ingredients down on the kitchen counter. When he got home, Connie was just finishing up painting your nails a beautiful sea blue gel colour. She turned around and she looked up at Javier. Your eyes, however, were already fixated on him the second he entered the room.

“Where’s Steve?” Javier asked, diverting his gaze from the two women and continuing to unpack the food. 

“He went home. He’s pissed, Javi.” Connie admitted, shaking her head in annoyance and placing the pot of nail polish on the coffee table. She walked into the open space kitchen and nudged the agent.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Javier muttered, stacking the canned goods into a cupboard.

“I’m going home, but don’t think we’ve forgotten about the paella. Steve wants that fucking paella,” Connie chastised. Javier nodded his head but remained silent as he emptied his bag of shopping. “Unbelievable.” Connie scoffed incredulously, and opened the front door before slamming it behind her.

“Thanks Con!” Javier called, but there was no telling if she even heard.

Javier was half way through putting his shopping away when he heard your meek and softly spoken voice call his name in a questioning tone. His dark eyes looked over at you. You were sitting upright on the sofa and his face softened. Stopping what he was doing, he neglected the bag of groceries and padded into the living room to sit down next to you. 

“Hi.” Javier murmured, crossing his legs and adjusting the crochet blanket that was covering your lap. 

“Hi.” you replied, feeling somewhat shy and slightly nervous, for a reason you couldn’t quite place.

“How are you feeling?” Javier asked, bringing himself to look at you.

“Um,” you fumbled at the blanket and thought for a moment. It was a loaded question. Other than the overwhelming feeling of distress and helplessness, you decided to give the agent a simple answer. “Well rested. A little thirsty.” 

Javier nodded. “How would you feel about taking a bath?”

You swallowed back a knot in your throat that you hadn’t even realised was there in the first place. “...Do I smell?” you asked, You stretched out and gave your underarms a sniff, prompting Javier to burst out into laughter. Shit, had you always been that adorable? Your nose scrunched up at the distinct smell of dried up blood on your clothes and your shoulders slumped sadly. Javi, noticing your change in demeanor, gently lifted up the blanket and wrapped it around your body.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he cooed. “Believe me, I get stinky too. It happens. Let me help you take a bath. Come with me.”

Taking his hand, Javier navigated you towards the bathroom. It was a small boxy room with barely any space to move around, and yet, to your surprise, it fit a bathtub. Javier twisted the faucet, and the tap began to run warm water. He picked up a bottle of bubble bath and a tub of salts. “I have a bad back,” Javier told you. “These salts really help me relax. And the bubbles are nice too.”

You nodded with a smile. As he emptied the contents into the tub, you watched the products swirl into a colourful abyss. “It smells like you.” you uttered, without really thinking about the weight of your words. Javier said nothing, and you both sat by the side of the tub in comfortable silence, watching as it filled up. He occasionally dipped his hand in the water, checking the temperature.

“Will you be okay?” Javier asked you, taking out a towel and folding it up on top of the toilet seat.

You weren’t really sure, but you nodded your head anyway. Just as he was about to leave, you spoke up again. “Actually, Javi, could you stay?”

Javier fumbled a little but smiled. “Yeah, of course.”

Javier had seen you naked countless times due to the nature of your job but for some reason, this time, it felt different. He’d never had a woman use his bathtub before, let alone be requested to stay in her presence as she got undressed and stepped inside. You slipped out of your sultry, blood stained dress and let it pool to the floor. Javi’s mouth parted as he took in your naked form under the amber tinted bathroom lights. 

You stepped inside the tub and almost slipped over, but Javier, as quick as lightning, grabbed your arm and steadied you. “Sorry,” he muttered, and your hand slid into his. As your fingers interlocked, you felt something. It was like a bolt of electricity, running up your arm, and judging by Javier’s reaction, he could feel it too. “I should’ve warned you. It can be a little slippery.”

You giggled and tried to tear yourself from Javi’s grip, but he didn’t let go of you once. Instead,  he helped you sit down comfortably amongst the bubbles and aromatic hot water. You moaned, feeling your body become indulged and your muscles soften. You smiled and laid back, the bubbles fizzing around your neck and chin, and Javier felt his heart swell in his chest as he noticed your lips curl into a smile. It was the smile he would kill to see, and he hadn’t even realised how much he missed it.

“Just relax,” Javier soothed. “I’ll be back faster than you can count to ten.”

Javier ran into the kitchen and took a glass from one of the cupboards before racing back to the bathroom. Kneeling down by the side of the tub, he dipped the glass into the water, filling it up, and gently emptied it down your hair. 

“Close your eyes,” he requested, continuing to wet your hair ample enough until it was ready to be shampooed. Taking the bottle of his musky scented shampoo, Javier squirted the thick liquid into your scalp and began to massage it in. You couldn’t believe how gentle he was, and how he was taking his time with you. You’d never in a million years imagine Javier Peña being like this, or acting this intimate, with any woman -- especially not you. To be honest, his own behaviours were even coming to shock Javier. But he just let his instincts take over. He wanted to protect you and make sure you knew just how safe you were. That was the most important thing on his mind.

Once he rinsed your hair, he grabbed some soap and a sponge, handing them to you. “Do you uh-- uh-- do you think you can wash your own body?” He asked, his dark eyebrows knitting together. “If not, that’s okay. I can help. But--”

You smiled and rested a wet hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay Javi. I’ll be fine.” you promised, taking the sponge from him. 

“I’m going to find you some clothes to change into.” He told you. “Shout if you need me. I won’t be long.”

And he stuck by his word. Javier raked through his drawers and picked out a pale yellow button down shirt that he hadn’t worn in a few years and a pair of boxer shorts. Padding back into the bathroom, he presented you with them. ���It’s not much but it’s all I have,” he told you. “I’m sure Con will take you out shopping at some point. Or we can hop on back to your place tomorrow to grab some of your stuff,” You smiled and stood up, making sure to be careful not to slip this time. Javier held out the towel for you and wrapped you in it. “I’ll leave you to get dried.”

When Javier went back into the kitchen, he figured he should put the rest of the groceries away, only to notice that the once frozen paella ingredients had become defrosted and been rendered completely useless. “Shit.” Javier cursed, pushing them to one side and running a hand through his hair. Looks like after all of this, he couldn’t make paella tonight. He knew he was about to get an earful from Steve at work tomorrow.

“Do you like pizza?” Javier called, rummaging around for a take-out menu and grabbing his phone from the counter.

“I do!” you called back, buttoning up Javier’s shirt and wrapping a towel around your head.

When you padded into the kitchen, dressed in Javi’s clothes, the agent felt his throat dry up. You were a sight to behold. You smelt distinctly like him, but you already looked one thousand times better now that you were clean and comfortable. You felt better, too. It was amazing what a bath could do to you. You shimmied onto one of the bar stools Javier kept by the counter and rest your elbows against the laminate. Javier passed you the menu so you could look over the dishes.

You agreed on a simple chilli pizza, which was one of Javier’s favourites anyway. Javi called the deli and asked for a large, planning on sharing it with you. Remembering that you’d mentioned you were thirsty, he poured you a glass of water and handed it your way.

“Steve is gonna be so mad at me tomorrow,” Javier chuckled, rubbing his temple. You peeked up from the glass that you nursed and looked up at him through your eyelashes. “I promised him paella and I’m not gonna be able to make it tonight. Not only that but he’s gonna ask me where I’ve been. He’ll know I wasn’t out getting groceries for three hours.”

You furrowed your eyebrows together and tilted your head. “Three hours? Where were you?”

Javier paused and absent-mindedly brushed a finger along his mustache. “I bumped into an ex at the store. Went back to her place and-- you know.”

Your eyes fell back into your glass of water. “Oh.”

Javier picked at his short fingernails and another sigh left his lips. “Shit, I just--” he shook his head. “Made a mistake. A very big mistake.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Yeah, that would probably be for the best but how could he even begin to tell you what happened, when you were part of the problem? Javier figured it might even scare you away. “It doesn’t matter… she’s just…” Javier scratched his head. “She’s fine. It’s a ‘me’ problem, I think.”

The doorbell rang and Javier was grateful for the interruption. He paid the pizza delivery guy and sent the stone bake on the table.

“It looks good,” you smiled. “I’ve never had Colombian pizza.”

Javier’s jaw dropped. “You--?” He shook his head in disbelief. “Dulzura, how long have you lived here?” 

“A month,” you grinned, with a mouthful of pizza. “Tastes good.”

After you’d finished eating, it had gotten pretty late. You and Javier exchanged small talk, learning little things about each other. You liked it a lot. He had always been an enigma to you, and even though he offered little information, it was still something, and you appreciated that a lot.

“It’s been a difficult day,” Javier noted, folding the pizza box and throwing it away to be recycled. “You should take my bed.”

“No,” you insisted. “I’m fine on the sofa. Honestly.”

Javier sighed. “I’m not going to let you sleep on the sofa any longer. You’ll get back ache.”

“Then I’ll just use your bath salts.” You smirked in retaliation. Javier laughed and you relished the way small crinkles appeared in the corner of his honey coloured eyes.

“Please, take my bed.” Javier said, staring at you pointedly. His eyebrows were raised and his strong arms were crossed over his chest.

You were about to argue further but truthfully, sleeping in a bed tonight sounded like exactly what you needed. You took a few steps closer to Javier, a pool of butterflies swirling in your stomach as you broke any distance between you both. You wanted to kiss his lips so desperately, taste him once again. It was only earlier today you’d had your lips wrapped around his cock, and yet, so much had happened in between then and now. You wondered if Javier was thinking about it too.

“Get some sleep, hermosa.”

Your eyes were completely trained on his soft pink lips. You wanted to kiss-- you just wanted to kiss him. Just one kiss. Just one-- you leaned in and shut your eyes, and neared him, closer and closer... but Javier stepped away.

And you felt your heart shatter in your chest.

“Nothing personal,” he told you. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Nothing personal? How were you meant to accept that? You had literally sucked him off just a few hours ago and now he wouldn’t even grace you with a kiss? Maybe Rosa was right; you shouldn’t form crushes on clients. Especially not Javier Peña. You’d only get hurt. You tugged on the sleeves of his button down shirt and balled your fingers into a fist, trying to ignore the pain in your chest.

Without uttering a word, not even a ‘goodnight’, you sulked away and into his bedroom.

Javier wanted to shout out. He didn’t want you to be mad at him, or even upset. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt you. It took him all the strength he could muster to deny you of that kiss. Your perfect lips looked so soft and delicate and if Javier could have it his way, he would’ve taken you in that very moment.

But you were more than just a sex worker now. You were a compliance in the hunt to catch Escobar -- and he had to be careful. No matter what, he couldn’t risk losing track of the bigger picture.

-—-—-—♡—-—-—-

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[balmasedas]

desperado / druglord!javier peña au. 

chapter one.

summary: reader is a dea agent. violence has arisen in the streets of colombia and she's determined to bring javier peña to justice. things take an abrupt turn when, instead of her finding him, he finds her and realizes they got much more interest in each other than just drug-related topics. 

warnings: only +18. overall, this is smut so smutty. canon violence. detailed warnings in every chapter. spanish traductions are in the notes, though for the sake of non-spanish speakers, spanish dialogues will be minimal and not relevant to the plot.

word count: 2.5k.

You throw your sweater in the backseat of your car before exiting it. In the morning, you had dug through your boxed-up winter clothes after shivering in your shirt-sleeves as soon as you got out of your department. Now, the temperature has risen to the seventies and you give yourself a clap in the back for deciding to wear something decent underneath. Spring in Colombia is a nightmare.

The crime scene is packed with local police and DEA agents. There are no civilian spectators this time, they know better than sticking their noses in the Medellin's cartel businesses.

Upon your arrival, you don’t need to identify yourself to the uniformed men guarding the perimeter. They know you well by then. You are the only female in the team that has to deal with these kinds of situations —gruesome, gut-churning, dirty shit. Not a very much "lady-like" job, some would express. For that, you have earned yourself the title of a gritty woman. Maybe because you were gritty, maybe because you were a woman.

Sometimes, though, you find yourself wondering why you turned down some run-of-the-mill desk job back in Virginia. It would’ve been a dull routine, for sure — hideous, even; but gossiping about some flash romance between two co-workers is less taxing than having to witness five rotting corpses at first daylight. 

"Jesus Christ," you lift your sunglasses to your head. Your partner, esteemed, weary agent Steve Murphy, turns around at the sound of your voice. 

“You’re up early.” he asserts, with a raised eyebrow. 

You purse your lips. “Had a bad night. Ran out of whisky at one am.” 

Not even Hugo, or Hughie for his gringo friends, could help you. You forgot that his daughter would be celebrating her birthday and his all-night store would be closed until the next morning. Normally, you would own an arsenal of alcohol, but it has been an abnormal week and a hell of a night —starting with the spiral of violence that has arisen in the streets of Medellin.

"Well, look at the bright side: your stomach is empty," Murphy mumbles.

Looking at the bodies in front of you, you can’t agree more: their hands are tied-up to the oxidated wire behind them, hanging by their arms. They are barefoot and scantily clad. There is a visible gunshot wound in all of their front heads, some flies are already hovering around the open flesh. A quick death to eternal torture, you suppose.

"When did you get the call?" you inquire.

He fiddles with his wristwatch. "About two hours ago." you only hum in response, keeping your eyes in front of you and paying no mind to Steve who only grows impatient at your silence. "You think this was Peña's job?" he adds.

You nod in denial. "If it was, it doesn't make sense." Not one bit. "Peña works underground, quiet, like a sneaky rat. I'd even say they're more well-behaved than most cartels. So why do this?"

Why such a declaration of violence? Why draw even more attention from the authorities? 

"Maybe he decided to toughen his punishments?” You scoff at his remark.

“He can do that without half the city knowing it. A ditch is much more subtle than a monument to death blocks from the US embassy.” 

Murphy smirks. “Seems that you have given it a thought before, Sarchie.” you narrow your eyes. He knows you hate that nickname. Your tendencies to boss him around had brought you consequences: the unofficial title of a Sargeant. Sarchie, shortened and friendly.

“Killing someone? Yes, you. Multiple times a day.” you put your sunglasses back on and walk away. The forensic police won’t be there until the next half hour, at least, and you are too disquiet to wait around. Plus, your stomach is growling, but Steve doesn’t need to know that. “We’re gonna need their names, I’ll see what I can find. You have a little chat with the coroner and see if they can speed up the autopsy. The sooner the better, ok?” you spot the smirk on his face. You know what he’s thinking. You shut your car's door and point a finger at him through the window. A clear warning sign in your eyes. “Shut the fuck up and do it.”

(,,,)

Happy hour. You give up on the investigation and stop off at ‘Chiquita’, a popular local bar near your place. The prices are cheap, the drinks aren’t that good but they do the job. The place is crowded — hot couples with wet, glowing skin grinding against each other. Happy or horny or both. You take a mental note to have some fun later. 

As you sip at your bourbon and crack your peanuts, you let yourself dwell on what you found out about your case. You finally got the names of your five guys. For that, much research wasn’t needed: All of them had their IDs in their pockets and they were exactly who you feared they were: no ones. No ties to any big names, no official involvement in any cartel — at the most, a few minor possession charges. As for weeks, your few clues have led to nowhere and the enigma surrounding the Medellin cartel seems to worsen with every minute that passes by.

You hate mysteries. Colombia’s full of them. 

You take your second bourbon in one smooth shot and ask for another. You grab a colombian peso from your wallet and slide it across the wood. Your eyes stop at the picture of your parents that you carry around. It’s tiny and worn, just like your relationship with them. They haven’t heard from you in weeks, a fair deal, if anyone asked. They don’t have to deal with their fucked up daughter and you can focus on your work filled with dead ends and a ghost that haunts you while you’re awake: Javier Peña.

“¹Qué tomas, preciosa?” a velvety voice caresses your ears. A pleasant smile breaks quietly over your lips. Just in time.

You turn your head to the side. The stranger, with chocolate-skin and inviting eyes, is waiting for an answer. You tap your fingers against the glass.

"Bourbon," you say. "²Pero no me vendría mal un trago más." he grins and holds up two fingers to the barman. He sits at the empty seat beside you, he’s exuberating confidence. He’s offered you the bait and you'd taken it.

"³Algo más que se te ofrezca?"

You look him in the eyes. You know how the story goes from there. It isn’t any different than the one from last night, or the night before. As an apex predator, he's out for something to satisfy his hunger. He won't go home without reaching his goal and you're desperate enough to let him.

"⁴Sí. Hay algo más que puedes hacer por mi."

(,,,)

The fucking cat on the window has been staring straight into your eyes for the last fifteen minutes. Matias, the guy you've met hours before, is too focused on you to notice the awkward presence of the animal, so you don't bother shooing it away. 

He's enjoying himself, pounding into you in a symphony of lust bites and moans. But the sound of skin on skin doesn't match the intensity of your passion for this encounter.

It's not that his performance was terrible, it was just... soft. So soft, too soft. From the sweet nothings, he gasps on your ear to the gentleness of his grip on your hip. 

You aren't a sweet girl. If you were sweet, you wouldn't have traveled all the way down to Colombia to participate in the war on drugs. If you were fond of delicateness, you would've stayed inside and touched yourself to a Cristina Peri Rossi novel instead of searching for strangers at bars.

You don't like to believe you are a special case. On the contrary, you assume your attitude is the rule and not the exception. Not a hell of a woman, but a woman made of hell – waking up already worried about the hours ahead of you. How could you not? Your life is as wide and empty as the sky. Unstable, unpredictable. Anything can happen. A good meaningless fuck is the only moment you allow yourself to feel something — someone. By then, the detachment that gets you through the day disappears and raw feral emotion takes its place. 

You are addicted. It's like a drug, but worse. Drugs don't have feelings, people do.

You’d grabbed Matias' hand and wrapped it around your neck a few times but your request had been ignored; you’d even pushed his ass against your body so you could get closer to a feral touch, but he had insisted on something more caring and delicate. 

And delicacy just won't do. 

So, after a few tries, you give up. You lay still, under his heating body, dead eyes directed at your window. No emotion whatsoever, no release. Like a numb, stiff sex doll, rooting for his satisfaction. Forgotten until next time.

“⁵Donde?” he blurts in your ear. You evaluate your options quickly. 

“⁶Adentro.” Any other place would demandsñ more attention. By then, he would be aware of your passivity and asking too many questions. You don't answer questions, you make them.

His body tenses and trembles. You feel heat dripping between your legs but it doesn't come from you. He leaves a few small pecks on your neck — thankfully, the last ones for the night. Matias breathes over you for a few seconds before he gets off. You stare at the roof in silence, and when he asks if you finished, you simply nod.

You can't grasp what he says under his breath after you ask him, as nice as possible, to leave. What he does or doesn't vocalize, it doesn't matter. You won't be repeating with him. You never fucked the same person twice. 

Once you hear the front door shut, still resting on your bare skin, you lit a cigarette. The room is void of artificial light, and the cat is still in the same place, with his silhouette contoured by the gleam of the moon.

"Sneaky bastard." you chuckle, then get up from the bed and slowly approach it.

You stop at the wooded frame of the window, maintaining your distance. Not too close to scare him or him to scare you. He isn't a friendly guy. He isn't even yours — just a grumpy cat that stops by your department too often demanding some food. You tried to get him to come inside before, but all you had won from your offers were a couple of scratches. Nonetheless, the cat has seen more of you than many people have. So, even though you renegade from him, you found yourself inevitably attached. He's the closest thing to a family, after Murphy, of course. But Murphy hasn't seen you on your worst, yet.

"Hope you see the same shit I see." you grimace and shake your head. "Not like that, I mean... I should choose better who to fuck with. And they should choose better too." the cat remains silent –obviously– and you keep talking. "You could make yourself useful and spook them away before I have to." he meows, you roll your eyes and decide to leave him alone. "Then again, I could do it myself if I told them I hold long conversations with the stray cat that lives in my window."

You choose to take a bath and call it a night. You glide through the living room, though before you can reach the bathroom something stops you. There's a noise outside, some glass breaking down on the streets. You can ignore it, conflict isn't a foreign subject in Colombia, especially at late hours. But then it repeats itself a second time, and the third bugs you too much for you not to grab your night robe and take a look at it from your window.

The only light pole is out of order; there's not a soul in sight; music can be heard from afar. You see nothing out of place until you do.

Your car is parked across the street. All four windows have been smashed, the tires are flat. You barely waste time cursing before you flee out of your place. You thought the night couldn’t get worse but the world has a disturbing obsession with testing your patience. 

Once you take a step outside and approach your damaged car, you’re not sure where your chills are coming from. Perhaps, because of the unfriendly weather or maybe because you’re suddenly aware of how idiotic was your decision to go outside. 

Everything inside your vehicle is left untouched. There weren't objects of value anyways. You find no logical reason for someone wanting to wreck a car just because —yours, of them all.

Big red warning signs color your mind. Your eyes scan your surroundings with speed. It's a dark, lonely dessert. You're now sure that what happened isn't some random event. The victim could've been to another person, but you weren't just another person.

"⁷Discúlpeme, señorita." a voice throws yourself far from the source. You reach for your gun just to find nothing there. Damn you. "⁸Está bien?" you look at the man. An old man that, at first glance, doesn't represent a threat. His voice is gentle, his voice is tinted with a caring voice. You lower your defenses, just a bit, not enough to stay around.

"⁹Sí." you mutter.

Slowly, you walk back to your apartment. Old man glues his eyes to your form and you don't take your own off from his'. Before reaching the sidewalk, you trip with something. Your back collides against a car and you're ready to apologize when the owner exits it there’s not a sign of rage in his face. On the contrary, his stare is blank and his mouth doesn’t even twitch.

Bad news.

You intend to run, but another guy blocks your passage and two more appear at each side of you. You turn over to ask the old man for help, but he’s gone along with your last piece of hope. Can’t blame him, you would’ve escaped too if you had the chance. However, you can’t and the smartest thing to do is acknowledge it and work from it. 

You stay still thinking it will persuade them to opt for gentle treatment. 

How naive of you. 

A set of fingers dig into your arms, another one grabs you by the neck and lowers your head as they drag you into their car. Guarded by two of them who sit at your sides, a dark cloth bag is placed over your head and your wrists are restricted with a zip tie. 

All you have left now is your hearing, you pick up a few things: the engine roaring, the tires burning on the asphalt as you speed off, some spanish words thrown in the air. Nothing substantial, nothing of use.

You sit in silence and wait for the worst.

[trexy225]

Three Hearts-Chapter 24: The Mistake (18+)

Summary: Olivia makes a mistake.

TW!!!!!!!

NSFW Very VERY dubious consent, control over someone's body, alcohol, drunkenness

Authors note at the end summarizes everything if you do not want to read this chapter I totally get it!

*At the gala*

“We should get you, home Doctor.” May offered.

“Please, call me Liv.” Olivia wiped her eyes with her scarf.

May helped her up and let Olivia lean against her, the alcohol was starting to kick in. “What’s your address, Liv?”

“Here I’ll umm write it down.” She took out a cocktail napkin and very messily wrote down the address in pen.

“Despite the mishaps tonight I must say Liv, you look stunning.” May smiled as they reached her car.

Olivia laughed “I look like shit.”

“No, you’re beautiful, and I never got to tell you that.”

Olivia turned a bright red as May buckled her in. The car ride was a blur, Olivia doesn’t remember much, she remembered May asking a lot of questions, and her slowly answering them. The questions didn’t make sense, why was she asking about the gauntlets?

“Why did you make weapons for Fisk?” May asked sweetly.

“I-I was forced to, he was gonna kill me.” Olivia slurred. “We tried to make them non-lethal but the bastard caught onto us.” Olivia hiccupped.

“We?”

“Rosie and I, we’re the only ones who know about it I can’t-I can’t tell my team.” Olivia took a swig of a wine bottle.

“Where the hell did you find that?” May asked, surprised.

“Science!” Olivia smiled as she took another swig, she was very, very drunk.

The car finally reached Alchemex, and by that point Olivia was incomprehensible, she was rambling on about the multiverse, and singing Indigo Girls over and over again.

This will be too easy. May thought, she just needed to snoop around Alchemex, steal some of Olivia's plans, and she would get out of there.

“Wait t-this isn’t my house,” Olivia mumbled.

“This is the address you gave me,” May said.

“Ok.” Olivia shoved her ID into the scanner and the car got into the building.

“Where’s your lab?” May asked.

“Just… just over here.” Olivia stumbled over to her office, when she opened the door she fell on her face.

“Jesus Liv!” May ran over and picked her up.

“That tickled.” she giggled.

Jesus Christ… May thought.

“So, tell me more about the weapons you’re making.” May set Olivia down in her office chair.

“I need to get that yoga ball…” Olivia muttered.

“Liv, come on!” May snapped her fingers.

“Ok, ok lady! Well, I have my arm thingies.” Olivia gestured over to her actuators, who were tucked in her backpack.

May raised an eyebrow.

“Here lemme show you.” Olivia fumbled over to the backpack and put it on.

“Assistants, activate!” She declared.

The actuators came out of their backpack, they stretched, and it looked like one of them yawned.

Hello Doctor The bottom right one said.

“Sup.” She mumbled.

The actuators lifted her off the ground to balance herself out.

“Weee!!!” Olivia laughed.

Her mind is unstable, she is unable to make logical decisions for herself. The top left noted.

Should we initiate the puppet protocol we designed? The top right offered.

Yes, that would be the most logical option. The top left agreed.

“I’m sorry, what protocol?” Olivia asked.

May just stared at Olivia, she didn’t know what the hell was happening, but she still needed to get the information.

Olivia spasmed in the air, she went limp for a moment but then she woke up.

“Liv… Are you ok?” May asked.

Olivia smiled. “Yes, yes I am. Would you like a glass of wine?” she used the actuators to walk to her.

“I-I would like that,” May said.

Wh-What is happening? A groggy Olivia thought.

Don’t worry Doctor, we’ll take care of this. The assistants told her

Take care of what? She thought.

Your estradiol levels are rising, we need to take care of it.

What? No! I can’t do that I need to wait for-

Why wait? The most logical option is to take this opportunity. The assistants argue.

I-I don’t- Olivia’s consciousness passed out.

We apologize for subduing you Doctor, but we know best.

“So why did you really drive me home May?” Olivia asked as she took another sip of wine.

“I-I just wanted to make sure you got home safely and-”

“Bullshit.” Olivia narrowed her eyes as she got closer to May.

May gulped and set her wine down.

“Well, I wanted-” “Did you mean it when you called me stunning?” Olivia asked.

“Of course I did,” May said.

Olivia started to unbutton her shirt, smiling playfully at May.

“How about now?” She teased.

“Well, I uh-” May stammered, Olivia's actuators pulled her closer to her, she could smell the strong stench of alcohol on Olivia's breath.

“I want you May.” She breathed.

May shuddered as she started to undo Olivia's bra, Olivia drew her into a deep, hungry kiss. She needed this, she needed someone, anyone to be Rosie, just for the night, she needed the human closeness, she could just pretend, and Olivia would thank her assistants later when this was all over.

“Oh, Liv.” May moaned as Olivia pinned her against the wall, the assistants held her arms above her head as Olivia explored every inch of her body with her hungry mouth, May held her breath when Olivia reached in between her legs. May moaned as Olivia swirled her tongue around her sensitive, throbbing clit.

“Jesus Christ.” May groaned as Olivia went back to kiss her again. “You taste delicious.” She growled as she inserted her fingers into her opening.

May simply kissed Olivia harder as she started to reach her climax.

“Liv I’m-I’m coming!” May spasmed as she came all over Olivia's fingers, Olivia took them out and licked them seductively. That turned May on and she wrapped her legs around Olivia's torso. “Take off your pants.” She growled.

The actuators slid off Olivia's pants and panties and May immediately started circling her clit with two fingers, Olivia moaned in pleasure. May inserted her fingers into the opening, still teasing Olivia's clit, and then she found Olivia’s g-spot. Olivia cried out and May smirked.

“Do you like that?” May asked.

Olivia nodded and whimpered. May pulled her into another kiss as she kept on stroking her g-spot, Olivia bucked her knees in pleasure until she came all over Mays hand, she licked her fingers and smiled.

“Delicious.” she inserted the fingers into Olivia's mouth.

“Suck,” she ordered.

Olivia groaned as she tasted her own juices, May took off Olivia’s scarf to kiss her neck, that’s when she noticed the hickey.

“Oh shit.” She muttered.

Olivia looked at May, confused.

“Y-you’re dating someone aren’t you?” May stammered.

“What does it matter? Kiss me. Her estradiol levels are still-” Olivia leaned forward.

“No, no I only did this because I thought you were single and-” “Did what?” Olivia asked.

“I-I” May stammered.

The actuators scanned May and found the bug.

A spy! The top left shrieked.

What a backstabbing bitch! The bottom right snapped.

“You came here to spy on us…” Olivia growled.

“No! Why would you-” May was interrupted by one of the actuators holding up the wire. May fell silent.

“Put your clothes on,” Olivia ordered as she dropped May.

May put on her clothes silently, as soon as she put on her heels she bolted towards the door, but an actuator grabbed her tightly by the throat. She gagged.

“You’re not going anywhere my Mayfly.” Olivia cooed as the actuator gripped tighter.

“P-please let go.” May gasped.

The actuators wrapped May up in chains and zip-tied her wrists and ankles, they put duct tape over her mouth.

“You fucking bitch, we trusted you.” Olivia snarled.

May raised her eyebrows We?

“We’ll deal with you tomorrow, the doctor needs to sleep.” Olivia stalked away and passed out on her desk chair.

May struggled in the restraints but she was able to press the distress signal Peter gave her in case of emergency.

What have I done? She worried.

The next morning Olivia woke up with the worst headache she had ever had. She looked over and saw a snoring May tied up in her office.

What the hell happened? She thought, she didn’t remember anything, she just remembered crying at the gala, and May coming to comfort her and- nothing. How did they end up here? Why was she tied up in her office? Why were the assistants activated and still on her?

Good morning Doctor. The top right one said.

“What the hell happened?” Olivia asked in a hushed whisper.

May Parker seduced and took advantage of you, we were unable to stop it and now she knows too much. The top right answered.

And she was a spy, we found a wire on her. The bottom right added.

After she was done with you she tried to kill you but we managed to stop her.

“You-you controlled my body?” Olivia asked, shocked.

Only for self-defense. The top left argued

“Did Rosie program that?” She asked.

We designed the program ourselves. The bottom left answered.

“Shit… So she-she fucked me while I was drunk, spied on me, and then tried to kill me?” Olivia asked, trying to piece this all together.

Yes, we were able to save you but who knows what she would have done if we weren’t there to save you? The top left cooed.

“You’re right… we need to wake her up, this time I’ll ask the questions.” Olivia got up and approached Aunt May, the assistants were clicking excitedly, everything was fixing itself. Olivia slapped Aunt May.

“Ow! What the hell-” May cried out.

“Listen to me May, I don’t know why you did what you did last night, but I’m going to make you fucking pay. Who the hell are you working for? Why did you spy on me? Why were you trying to kill me? And why did you fuck me?”

“You were coming onto me and I never tried to kill you what the hell?!” May asked.

“Don’t lie to me, the assistants told me everything.”

“...You don’t remember any of it?” May asked.

“I remember you taking advantage of me at the gala with that bullshit fake sympathy, now who the hell are you working for?” Olivia demanded.

“Myself. I wanted to make sure the rumors about the weapons weren’t true, but it turns out they were true. And I have the evidence to prove it.” May snarled.

Olivia crushed the wire. “No, you don’t.”

“You’re ruining lives Liv.” “I’m saving lives-”

“No, you’re not! You’re an evil, mad scientist working for an evil, mad corporation why can’t you fucking see that?!” May yelled.

Olivia glared at her.

“I’m evil? Are you calling me a villain?” She asked in a low voice.

“Yes, I’m calling you a villain.” May snapped.

“Ok, I’ll be the villain.” The actuators launched forward and grabbed May by the throat, lifting her up, an actuator handed Liv a knife, and she ran her finger along the edge.

“I can’t wait to dissect that brian and find out what compels a person to do those things to me…” Olivia traced the knife shakily along May's face, who stared at her, terrified as she tried to gasp for breath.

“Now, where should I start?”

AUTHORS NOTE!!

So basically May and Olivia (being controlled by the assistants) hook up. Olivia figures out May was wearing a wire and was spying on her so she restrains her and figures out what to do with her.

[lawrenceop]

HOMILY for 4th Sun of Advent (Dominican rite)

1 Cor 4:1-5; Luke 3:1-6

God is great! And because God is great, he does not need to flaunt his power. It’s human beings, who are little-minded and whose thrones are unstable, and whose authority is fallible, and whose empires change and fall who have to put on displays of power. Hence, the third chapter of St Luke’s Gospel, which actually follows on from the account of Christ’s birth as a vulnerable baby in Bethlehem, opens with a list of important-sounding titles and names. 

Tiberius is Caesar, the Emperor, and he has reigned for some fifteen years. And yet, he would die in AD 37, smothered to death in his own bed, with the mob threatening to throw his body into the river, which was how criminals were punished. Pilate was the imperial governor of Judaea who commanded about 3000 soldiers. And yet, in AD 39, he would be ordered by the Emperor Caligula to kill himself, a common form of execution for Roman aristocrats. Herod, Philip, and Lysanias were tetrarchs, and each ruled a third of the kingdom of Israel, puppet-kings of the Roman empire. Each fell from imperial favour, and were exiled or killed. These were the worldly powers of the time of Christ, and they controlled the known world. The other two names that are mentioned – Annas and Caiaphas – are the Jewish religious powers of the time, but we do not know much about them. In fact, if the Bible didn’t mention them, their names would have been forgotten. And all this tells us how temporary and illusory human power is; how changeable our human circumstances are; and how futile the political struggle for power can be ultimately. For all those so-called powerful men fell into nothingness and knew only a criminal’s death, infamy, and exile. 

Juxtaposed beside these men who were great in the eyes of the world is one John son of Zechariah; a common name in Jewish circles. He did not live in a palace nor wear silks and jewels. He lived in the wilderness, in the desert, and he wore a rough, smelly, camel’s skin. In short, here was a man who could have been mistaken for an infamous criminal, and who lived as though he were in exile; a man without power and who might well have been forgotten. 

But one fact changed all that. St Luke says: “the word of God came to John”. God, who is great, can make us great. And indeed, God’s greatness is shown in the fact that he doesn’t need powerful men to do his work. Instead, he chooses the small, the humble, the unnoticed, the unwanted, those despised by the world. Which is why the word of God came to John. And the name ‘John’, which we know the angel Gabriel had revealed to his father Zechariah, means ‘God has shown his grace and favour’. This name says it all: John is remembered, he is truly great – no matter how badly the world treated him – because God has shown his grace, his favour, his goodness to John. Hence, the word of God came to John. For to receive God’s Word – to hear it and to be taught by it and to live according to God’s Word – is to receive God’s grace and blessings. 

However, it isn’t sufficient for John to receive God’s word. He has to respond and do as the word of God tells him. Which is why St Luke says that John “went through the whole Jordan district proclaiming” God’s word, according to what is written in the prophet Isaiah. Hence, because John is faithful to God’s word and he lives according to God’s word, therefore God blesses him, favours him, and makes him great. John becomes great, not in the eyes of the world – after all, he doesn’t become ruler of Judaea or become the Emperor – but he is great in God’s sight, and God upholds him. And this is true greatness since God alone is great, and he is always faithful to those who seek him, and who love him, and serve him. As St Paul says to the Philippians, those who receive God’s word and deepen their love for God’s word will “reach the perfect goodness which Jesus Christ produces in us for the glory and praise of God.” This is true greatness: becoming good through God’s power and grace as St John the Baptist was.

Now, you and I, as baptised Christians, as a chosen people who are called together to church every Sunday (at least) to hear the word of God, are also destined for the greatness of St John the Baptist. For the Word of God has also come to you and to me: Christ has come and spoken to us, through the Scriptures that we hear every Sunday. And indeed the Church wants us to read the Scriptures daily even. Hence a plenary indulgence can be gained if we read the Scriptures for at least half an hour; otherwise a partial indulgence if we meditate on the Scriptures for a shorter duration. Moreover, Christ, the living Word, has has come to teach us, through the Sacred Liturgy; through the Magisterium of his Body the Church; and Christ gives us a share in his divine life through the grace effected by the Sacraments. Hence, because the word of God has come to you and to me, then, no matter how little or insignificant or despised we might be in the eyes of the world; or no matter how unworthy or lowly or even unloved we might feel, we know, from the example of St John and the words of the Scriptures, that God, who is great, desires to make us great! 

Therefore, as Our Lady declares in her Magnificat, and the Church echoes in her sung prayer every evening, those whom the world thought to be important and great, high and mighty princes, have all been humbled and brought low; exiled and executed. But we, who should have deserved death for our sins have, by the love and grace of Christ, been forgiven and now share in Jesus’s royal dignity through our baptism. 

In the ancient world, royalty travelled on royal roads which took them directly to the king’s city. So, too, we, who have become royalty because of Jesus Christ, can travel directly on the highway to the heavenly city of God the true King. “Every valley will be filled in, every mountain and hill be laid low, winding ways will be straightened and rough roads made smooth”, says St John the Baptist. A highway shall be built to take us straight to God and to receive his salvation, so that we can be made great and share in God’s glory. 

How? What do we need to do to take this highway to heaven? St Luke tells us: John proclaimed “a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins”. Repentance, therefore, takes us from our sinful exiled, death-row circumstances to saved, alive-through-grace circumstances. If we repent, therefore, we shall become great; great like St John the Baptist. The consequences of a sinful life, a life without repentance, sadly, is plain to see in the fates of those powerful important men named in the Gospel. Their sinful lust for power, wealth, pleasure, only led to their downfall and ruin. So, you and I are called today, this final Sunday of Advent, to juxtapose our own lives against theirs. Like St John the Baptist, the word of God has come to us: God has called us to become great; he gives us his power and grace so that we can rise  up from the exile and folly and death of sin to eternal life with Jesus Christ. The word of God has come to us to save us. So, by God’s grace, let us repent – turn away from the wrong ways and false roads of this world, and take the royal highway straight to the Lord; right into the heart of the God who loves us and became a little baby for us. Thus we know that God is great. For God’s greatness is revealed in the depths of his humility. It is this littleness of God that we ponder at this time, for through his littleness we are made great.

So Blessed Jordan of Saxony, the successor of St Dominic as Master of the Order said: “I send you a very little word, the Word made little in the crib, the Word who was made flesh for us, the Word of salvation and grace, of sweetness and glory, the Word who is good and gentle, Jesus Christ and him crucified, Christ raised up on the cross, raised in praise to the Father's right hand: to whom and in whom do you raise up your soul and find there your rest unending for ever and ever. Read over that Word in your heart, turn it over in your mind, let it be sweet as honey on your lips; ponder it, dwell on it, that it may dwell with you and in you for ever.”

Amen.

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

I Like Surprises Too (Sriracha, Part 44.)

Series description: A problematic college student gets the worst summer job of the ‘83 - Jim Hopper, the Chief of police in your hometown will have you as his secretary since his old lady Flo has two months lasting holiday. It was agreed so Hopper could keep you far away from all the trouble.

Part Summary: Diane was gone just right after she came for a visit, but there was still more to go through.

A/N: I just wanna be done with the series, tbh.

Word count: 2.4 K

Tagging:  @nemodoren, @missdictatorme, @ysljordy, @creedslove​, @hopperlover, @btchsm, @rita-lean

Master list: H E R E

Series playlist: Jim Hopper 😠

IMAGE SOURCE

For the first time forever, you were afraid to come home. The last time you were so terrified of opening the doors was when Hopper drove you after you've puked all over his beloved Blazer. It was logical for you not to come home - you were standing in front of Harrington’s house, more specifically in front of a building where he had rented a flat, and waited for Robin to open up the door for you.

She came there only in her t-shirt and pajama shorts, her eyes were still glued together by sleepers and she was looking... Awful. Both her and Steve were extremely worried about seeing you at their hour in such an unholy hour, but she ran down to open the door for you. And the worse it got when Robin noticed that you had mascara all over your place, your face was colorless and your hands were shakily holding three cups of coffee and doughnuts from a Dunkin' Donuts. It was obvious that you and Hopper argued.

Without questions, Robin took you in and helped you with the sweets you brought. Steve was pleased to see you, so after he hugged you, he took off your coat and offered you a shower, getting you some of his clothes. Which was something so nice of him that you cried again? And the boy was wondering what did he do wrong.

"Spill the tea, sister. Let the council judge you." - Robin said, already spread all over the lazy chair while eating one of the donuts. So, you talked - about Diane just appearing out of nowhere with a kid, about Hopper drinking... And the small part when you shouted at him that you're pregnant.

"Oh, fuck." - Robin sighed, sitting straight by the end of the story. - "Oh, fuck indeed." - You answered, drinking your cup without caffeine. Steve was looking at you with a shocked furrow. - "You're pregnant? I'll be an uncle?" - Suddenly, he was on his feet, walking around the room. This was the reaction you expected from hopper - pure happiness.

"Robin, you and I will be the best uncle and aunt in the Hawkins, I tell you. Is it a boy or a girl?" - He sat next to you, his eyes shining at the question. Jesus, the boy was something, but you loved the energy. With tears in your eyes, you smiled at him and shook your head.

"I'll tell you as soon as I know something, deal?" - You asked back, having steve falling into a rant about taking the kid to restaurants, swimming pool, teaching them to play basket, and how to pick up girls... And Robin was just laughing at that. In the middle of his ranting, you've fallen asleep - night shifts were a bitch. It was quite funny when Robin and Steve was co-operating to get you into his bed, whisper-shouting at each other because Robin thought you'll bang your head into the doorframe every second. In the end, you were there, safe and sound.

It was around midday when Hopper called the if they have seen you. Eleven reported to Jim that you hadn't shown up the whole day, so Jim rode his daughter to your mum's - so she wouldn't be home alone since it was fall break starting.

Since Steve would tell Hopper all he wanted to know, because that boy was a little bitch, Robin told James the most innocent 'no' of her life before promising she'd call him when you'd appear at their place. You got up around two in the afternoon, smelling something Robin was cooking. Steve was nowhere to be found, presumably being at his shift in the VHS store.

"That looks good." - You hummed and realized how hungry you were. Robin nodded at you with confidence, serving you a plate of her risotto. - "I should go home, shouldn't I?" - You asked silently when you had half of the plate inside, having Robin look at you carefully.

"I kinda wanna tell you you can stay here... But you should go home, yeah." - The girl fixed a few strands of her hair. - "Listen... This isn't a thing about which someone calms down in a few days. This is a baby on its way. A new life you and he created. Even if you'd keep him in the dark for a little longer, he'd get to know eventually. You'd got bigger, you'd have swollen feet and Hopper isn't a dumb guy at all. So, go home, wait for him, talk to him. You'll make it work, at least I hope so." - Robin supported you with the purest tone you've ever heard. - "And if don't, we and Steve can help you with the baby. He's a damn good babysitter." - The girl tried to cheer you up once she saw other tears in your eyes. Geez, these hormones were doing things to you, didn't they?

Soon after the delicious lunch, you set on your way home. What should you expect? Him yelling at you? Will it be a heated argument full of bad words? He already told you that you were acting like a bitch into the phone, so it was quite possibly the words will get harsher from face to face. Was he looking for you when you were gone? Or was he at home? He was sure worrying for you, you knew Jim wouldn't be calm about you just disappearing even for the morning...

It was quite a surprise to find his car missing in the driveway. He had a day off, or at least you remembered so, so it was quite surprising to finding the home completely silent. El was at your parents'  and you let her stay there - it wasn't a good idea to call her to come home before talking to James about the whole baby thing.

You were nervously looking around the house, calling out his name to see if he isn't hidden somewhere out there, but the house was empty. - "Well, fuck." - You whispered to yourself. It was an hour later, an hour of nervous waiting later, when you heard him pulling onto the driveway. And at that moment, it didn't seem that you were sitting in the kitchen for an hour. The panic inside of you intensified almost instantly. Every sound coming from the outside was strumming through your ears like fucking Chinese gong. The stopping of a car motor, the opening of the door, and James' frantic footsteps as he realized that you were finally inside the damn house. You would swear that you heard him talk to himself, but you wouldn't swear that.

The front door opened in the following minute. This sound made your heart stop. Were you ever so scared? No, damn, this was horror at its best. Dear Lord, you closed your eyes for a second - your palm gently rubbed your belly, please don't let us argue. And don't let this relationship end. It would mean the world to me. There was not a single percent of you being religious, but when you saw Jim's shadow in the main hall, you suddenly started to pray to every god you ever heard about.

When he saw you sitting at the table with your nose red, he almost started the conversation by telling you that you look like Rudolf the reindeer. Yet he rather just put his bag down and went to hug you with a great force. One of his palms ruffled your hair as he took in the scent of your perfume. It was just one day and Jim was already going crazy from not smelling it. - "I was lookin' for you everywhere. Jesus fuckin' Christ." - The man pushed you off his chest just so he could palm your face, looking you in the eyes. Your face was already falling into an emotionally unstable expression as you started to cry almost immediately.

"I was worried to come here." - And there you were. There it was. The quiet, basically meowling, tiny voice which indicated that you're not only terrified but guilty as well. This side of you was not to be seen too often. It was possible for the second time Jim was ever seeing this behavior. You shut up, listened, and you were able to say 'yep, I've fucked up too, I've messed up, let's just talk about it'. And honestly, it felt very good. - "I didn't want to argue, again. After you called me a bitch... And the stuff I've said." - You almost rolled your eyes out when Jim chuckled at what you've said, yet he was quick to smooth your shoulders to calm your down. - "We've argued way worse than this. Come on. This was nothin'."

"But the matter is something, Jim. I should've done it differently. I should've told you maybe... Before Diane came here. But I was shitting myself with fear." - The way you clung onto him was almost heartbreaking. It was incredibly sweet, yet done out of fear - it was the fear of losing him. - "I would be terrified too." - The man mumbled into the back of your head, closing his eyes. If I would be pregnant, I mean. Tellin' you would be the worst thing that had ever met me, probably." - The man whispered. This speculation made you grin.

Sure, you two could argue. You could yell at each other for hours to come to no avail. You could tell each other rather nasty things, be very mean and angry. Or you could turn it into a joke. A happy occasion if you will.

Sure, having a baby was far from an actual joke, but you got what Jim was trying to do. He wasn't the most excited to do it again, mainly because of the everlasting fear regarding Sara, but he was happy that he was going through this by your side. A kid. Wow. A damn kid.

"I'm sorry for gettin' so drunk. I fucked that up." - The man whispered as he moved strands of your hair from side to side. - "Sorry for acting like a hysteric bitch. I should've trusted you with Diane. And I failed." - You answered after a while, sighing quite loudly. Carefully, you tiptoed to kiss him, closing your eyes as you leaned into the kiss itself.

"'s alrite. I was probably more confused than you, baby." - Jim's thumbs gently smoothed the sweet spots under your eyes, massaging your skin in the process. He was unbelievably gentle with you. As if you could break under his fingers any minute. - "You acted without thinkin', but yeah, I can be a fuckin' asshole sometimes." - James admitted sincerely, having this small sweet small light inside his eyes.

This man has admired you for some time now. And the more time passed by, the more years you've spent together, the more love he had in himself. It took him a few more weeks to adjust himself to the whole pregnancy situation. And yes, occasionally, there were some misunderstandings and small arguments between the two of you, but would you be a married couple if you didn't have these?

Diane called here and thereafter her visit, still climbing on Jim's nerves and getting inside his head, but these calls lasted less and less time every time it repeated. Eventually, she stopped calling completely. And since then, there was no doubt in your mind about James and his intentions.

What about the other acknowledging that soon, you'll be a mom? Eleven was over her heels. The girl always adored small kids. She loved spending time with them and every time she met some downtown, she stopped just to chat with the kid or to make faces at them. Having a younger sibling almost sent her to another dimension.

Mike and the other kids were regularly happy. Kids were cool... Unless they were younger siblings. Lucas had miss Erica as his sister while Mike had Holly, of both the brothers had to occasionally had to take care. Both the boys realized that over time, Eleven will have to spend her time with the small kid too. And they would most likely have to look after them.

Yet the young gentlemen were so cavalierish that they managed to overcome themselves and to promise you that they'd sometimes look after the kid. You managed to seal a deal with them, pre-planning them as occasionally, fully paid nannies - although your concern about what they'd do with the kid was growing more and the time as you heard what they plan to teach the kid.

Over time, as expected, you grew larger and larger. You grew so much that you had to move your seat in behind the steering just to fit there. Any of your coats and blouses didn't fit you anymore and over the time, you needed to buy some preggy jeans. When you had a worse day than you usually did, which you could recognize based on your back pain, Jim tried his best to help you with the household - he could do dishes, do the laundry and when he was feeling courageous, he tried to cook something. It was nice of him, yes, but he didn't know how to cook at all. Even Eleven could cook better than him. Sometimes, when you woke up from your slumber, you just saw black smoke coming from the kitchen and you knew what James was up to.

Slowly, the time when you couldn't go to work anymore came by. It wasn't that you were sat down on a wheelchair all day or something - but it was quite hard to run around the hospital and to interwiev kids all day. But that didn't take anything from your charming personality - James made sure he behaves or he could be schooled like a small kid. You didn't care how long would it take, but you would have an elaborate lecture all night if needed. It was one silent, calm night when it came.

[dailyaudiobible]

09/22/2020 DAB Transcript

Isaiah 39:1-41:16, Ephesians 1:1-23, Psalms 66:1-20, Proverbs 23:25-28

Today is the 22nd day of September welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian it’s great to be here with you today just like it’s great to be here with you any day, every day. And that's what we do, every day we get together and take…take another step forward in our adventure through the Scriptures. We…our…are about…I’m thinking 75% through the book of Isaiah in the Old Testament and we will be beginning a new letter in the New Testament, the letter to the Ephesians today and we’ll talk about that when we get there. We’re reading from the Contemporary English Version this week. Isaiah chapter 39 verse 1 through 41, verse 16 today.

Introduction to the letter to the Ephesians:

Okay. So, we are entering into the letter to the Ephesians today. So, let's just kind of talk about it for a minute and get our bearings. Ephesians…well…on a personal note, reading Ephesians, getting to this place every year is a joy because the things that are in this letter are mind boggling things. Like there are things in the letter to the Ephesians that we will read and then think about what's being said, and then apply that to our own lives and realize that this is good news that's almost too good to be true, like this is how good the good news actually is. And, so, it's a joy to kind of reach this letter because it gives us these mountaintop views that are…they go on forever it seems. Just unbelievable what is true of us because of our faith in Christ. But, we’ll see that Ephesians is very different than, for example, the letter that we just read, Galatians, which leads biblical scholars to debate, and they have been debating for century's, hotly debated out whether Paul wrote this letter or not, whether Ephesians is Pauline or is more of Paul's school of thought or maybe even an actual school that Paul trained and taught people up and then this material came later. That's, again though, that's a hotly debated thing. Ephesians is one of the disputed letters of Paul in the Scriptures, has been for a long time, way before any of us who are alive today were alive. Like, it's not a new thing. It's very old and those who would argue in favor of Paul authoring these would just simply say like, that the way….the reason that some of the language is different, the reason some of the terminology’s different is…is just the way these letters were passed around and copied, the way that…the way that they were given. Like Paul would've spoken, dictated out loud to a scribe and different scribes wrote different letters. Some of them even pop up in the letters and basically go like, “hey me too…like…hey hello” when Paul is kind of closing his letters down. So…so, those scholars then would say, “it's…it's these things. Like that…that's what creates these nuances.” Nevertheless, this is a letter that was sent to the church in Ephesus. And Paul had spent time, about three years establishing this community. And that the time of Paul Ephesus was one of the more important cities of the Roman Empire. So again, another urban centered community of faith, mixed community, Jew and Gentile. Ephesus was a port city. So, all kinds of goods coming from all over the world and all kinds of goods going out from there. So, you can see people coming in and out of there. It was just a melting pot. Ideas were coming in. Ideas were going out. Culture was being imported in. Culture was being imported out. But Paul wasn’t writing Ephesians to combat a false teaching as we’ve witnessed in other letters or to correct some sort of a misbehavior as we've seen in other letters or to answer specific questions about how to live into this faith in Christ as we've seen in other letters. And that could be because he knew these people. He spent years among these people and…and was writing this letter to…to give…to give them a mountaintop vista, like I said before, of where their faith is headed and what this all means. There are…there are passages that we’re gonna go through in the letter to the Ephesians that we could ponder, like literally meditate upon for days, weeks, maybe even a lifetime. It's that remarkable. And the truth is, we've headed through all kinds of territory recently that have allowed us to go deep inside of our hearts and explore the emotions of our hearts, especially in terms of suffering and…and to contemplate that. And, so, now as we reach the letter to the Ephesians, we get the opportunity and just gaze upon the beauty of the promise of the Good News. And, so, let's dive in. Ephesians chapter 1.

Prayer:

Father we thank You for Your word and we thank You for…for new territory that we keep moving into. As we keep taking steps forward we come to all of the different facets of this beautiful library really that is the Bible, all of these different books, spanning millennia telling us an ancient story of who You are and leading us into relationship with You. And then we enter in and live this out. And, so, as we come into the letter to the Ephesians, we invite Your Holy Spirit to speak to us in the days ahead about how this is not only good news, this is really big news. What You began at the cross is like…we know it's revolutionary, but it profoundly shifts everything if we have eyes to see and ears to hear. And, so, we’re asking for that as we move forward. Come Holy Spirit, lead us into all truth. Plant the words spoken today in our hearts and may they yield the fruit of the Spirit in our lives. We pray this in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, like I say about…I don't know…365 times every year because it is. It’s home base. It’s where you find out what's going on around here. It's how you dive into community, it's where the Prayer Wall is, it's where resources in the Shop are, various resources for the journey of a lifetime moving through the Bible together in a year. And it's also the place that if…if you want, you can partner with the Daily Audio Bible and I cannot, as….as I also say many, many times, I cannot thank you enough. We literally truly wouldn't be here if we weren’t in this together. And, so, the Global Campfire is us…it's us doing this together, it's this rhythm of us being in this together. And, so, if…if that is meaningful to you than thank you for your partnership. There’s a link on the homepage. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app you can press the Give button, it's in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address, if you prefer, is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement 877-942-4253 would be the phone number to call but you can also press the red button, the Hotline button in the app no matter where you are in the world and begin to share right from there.

And that is it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hey this is Jared calling from Duluth Minnesota it’s Saturday, September 19th at 1 AM in the morning. Day 262 of the year, day 511 since April 26th, 2019 where God has woken me up every night and…to have my DAB time. The prayer requests today were just such a blessing to hear. Some of the old-timers of Biola from Maryland and Duane from Wisconsin. So thankful your son is gonna soon be getting out of jail. And thank you so much for praying for my kids and so many kids in the DAB family. And the new caller, Openhearted Overcome in Michigan, thanks for calling. And Joe the wife whose daughters stopped going to church and praying for Joe the protector and Tammy from Texas and Val in Vegas. Thanks for just sharing on the 15th what a tough day it was and guilt in a sense for being okay when there’s so many not okay. And for Abigail in Oregon for your baby that was a loss and your husband who is…who is grieving and for the Oregon fire’s. So many cool things happening and God I…and challenging things as well. And God I thank you for all those who’ve prayed for my kids who have two of my four kids are bipolar and I suffer with it as well. I appreciate you…your prayers during this time. It’s been kind of a rough season right now, but God is good. Thank you again for all that you’ve done. God bless. Bye.

Hi, I’d just like to pray for Abigail from Oregon. And yes, we have been praying about all those who are being affected by the fire…the wildfires in the Pacific Northwest in California. And I’d just like to pray for you now Abigail and for your family and community and friends there. Lord Jesus You are our rock and refuge. This is got to be such an unsettling unstable time and one where there these dear people don’t know for sure what will happen to their homes or their churches or their physical communities. But we look to You and I just want to pray specifically for Abigail who has lost a child and now is in danger of losing a home and church and all these different things. And I pray that they can experience Your supernatural provision and Your pouring out of Your Spirit during this time that they, despite the pain and the unsettledness and the disruption, that they experience Your perfect peace that surpasses all comprehension in the beautiful precious name of Jesus. Amen.

Good morning DAB family my name is Vincent and I am Vincent Walking in Love or at least I try to. I have one minute and 47 seconds to tell you that God must be extremely pleased with this communications, how much love and care there is from seemingly all over the world. I want to say that on the 17th, I don’t know if anyone heard, well I’m sure you did, that young lady, that little girl that sang and has the voice of an angel. You should sing again and say your name so that I could properly thank you. I wanted to tell Val in Vegas that…to keep going and God’s got you. Joe, I’m praying for your family, that they come back to you. I want to say God bless Tammy in Texas and Susan from Canada. God’s lovely flower, God’s Yellow flower, that I greatly appreciate your prayers they are truly heartfelt. And Abigail from Oregon, I feel your pain. God bless you. Pray for me family that I find love with the one that I love, miss Becky, and that God helps me to find my purpose. I’m getting too old to find out what I’m going to do when I grow up. Vincent Walking in Love. God bless.

Hello people I’m Sean and I am a sinner. I am despicable and I really, really, really can’t stand myself. And what I’m asking for is for your prayers. Our God, our Lord Jesus Christ has told me to do stuff, he’s told me to write and I’m having great difficulty with that and I just want your prayers please.

The Lord bless you and keep you May the Lord make his face to shine upon you I pray he gives you peace and that all that you have will increase that your blessings never ever cease and that your life be one big gigantic feast but the truth of the matter is the road is long and rough the battles are hard and tough your best is never enough and Satan will always call your bluff but I still know you can make it I know that you can stand the Lord will not forsake you and there’s not much he’ll demand keep your eyes upon his promises let your vows be firm and true let your friends be in his service let your strength his renew don’t be afraid to call his name when problems are too tough and you might have to do some fasting too when prayer just isn’t enough but whatever problems come your way whatever storms may arise if you stay connected to the Lord in the end you’ll win the prize honesty and integrity are things you should possess and if humbly you just ask for strength he’ll give you all the rest the Lord bless you and keep you the Lord make his face to shine upon you I pray he gives you peace and that all that you have will increase may your blessings never ever cease and your life be one big gigantic feast

blindtony1016@gmail.com I’d like to give a shout out to the little girl that sang the song. It was a wonderful song, had a lot of purity in it and I really enjoyed it. Thank you so much. And once again Brian and the Hardin family, thank you for this wonderful podcast for God’s Holy Spirit to flow. Keep it flowin’ y’all. All right. Bye-bye.

Hey family it’s Jesse from Washington. I need some more prayers. Looks like gonna be going to court and it’s looking like it’s going to get super ugly and I just…first praise report that I’ve felt all your prayers and all the negative stuff that’s been happening over the last week, it’s just multiple just nightmare situations and, you know, in…in it I felt, you know, I felt peace simultaneously with just the fear and shame and anger and every…every negative emotion a person can have, you know, in these situations and it’s…it’s…it’s been all of them. So, God’s there, I know you guys are there. And I thank you for just…your love and your prayers and just pray for accountability, I pray for the truth to come out. You know it’s gonna come out for me too, so I’m prepared no matter what happens. I know God’s got me. I pray for repentance for me, true repentance for forgiveness for my…for my sins. You know on both sides I hope we can work that out. I hope that, you know, a guardian ad Litem is, you know, assigned that they have, you know, eyes and ears and hearts to hear and see the truth and I’m just ready, hoping for the best and preparing for the worst, you know and I know that no matter what happens God has me and I’m prepared, I’m prepared for whatever he has for me because I know no matter what it’s going to be okay even worse case scenario I know it’s going to be okay and I know he has me because he’s been here every second with me through this. So, I love you. Thank you, family.

[imperiusv]

IV - Raging, This is the End

I loved that vacation on the sea just you and me, i always wanted to go to that place with someone since I was a child, it was really special to me and i loved that you enjoyed it , food was shit tho and it wasn’t as good as I remembered, but well worth it with you. After/before that i quit my job to study for the exams, i knew shitty days were coming and they were, but I had to do that, there was no other way, that job was a dead-end , draining my energy and abilities and opportunities, I had to graduate, I knew this would fuck us money wise and relationship wise, I would be way more needy,angry and would probably lead  straight down the rabbit hole , but I had to do it. In those days it was really hard for me, as you weren’t understanding at all , showed zero patience towards me and generally made me feel ever worse, that’s how i knew you weren’t the right for me , you just weren’t there for me, like you kept doubting me for everything, like doing business or having kids, that time when your period was really late, this drove me so far away from you, i was really disappointed and stopped loving you so much, i think that was the moment i started losing you for real, step by step,slowly over the course of an year. We went to Hamburg to visit my family that was nice , really thoughtful of you, I will go soon again, as i haven’t seen them ever since. Rome was good too, just that thing with the black guys was horrible, at that moment i didn’t realize what had happened, I was just so disgusted that i wanted to get away from them, I didn’t see that you got hurt or felt like that and do regret it to this day, its one of the things i really messed up.There we had a good time , we should have done more fun stuff, but i guess i was in a different mentality back then.That surprise i made for your birthday , i really put so much effort into it, I was thinking like stuff from our shared past and to make a trip down memory lane, i hope you didn’t sell the necklace, i see that you still wear the bracelet, I am happy that you do. The weekend getaway for our anniversary was nice, we should have done that way more often, i kinda regret now that i didn’t get my shit together to get a driving license, but i was just fucking worried how am i gonna cope with money and having a car, again the fucking money thing, i realize now how much of a problem not having enough money is , it gives you stress, makes you worry about a lot of stuff, stops you from doing things and prevents you from enjoying yourself, which adds up slowly over time and generates even more shit ,arguments and bad vibes. Slowly i was getting my shit together, i had graduated , my fucking internship was almost over , i was going to job interviews, which were all really bad,it was really draining on and when i finally thought i was gonna get shit done for good, like get a good law job,getting a driving license, fix my relationship with you, at which time it was already apparent to me that there was a problem i had been ignoring for quite some time and we were slipping   and finally  do what i thought i wanted to do and be happy,of course not even one of those things came to fruition ,everything came crashing down again .The whole driving test was rigged, they fucked me in the ass for money, over complicating absolutely everything, you being less and less understanding,cold and distant and increasingly more toxic and what hit the worse was the realization of post graduate life  that, you wont make any money and your life will be shit, thank you for studying for 6 long years , here is less money than a fucking cleaning lady, but yeah it says MR LAW in front of your name, shit i was gonna even be a detective, good thing i didn’t go down that path or how you were telling me to go for lawyer and we will manage with your salary and scraps from my dad, fuck what a shit show that would have been. You have no idea how shitty it was looking for a job and getting shit from interviewers and going on about ridiculous  job offers, because you and my dad were pressuring me, praise the Emperor I didn’t let that shit get to me, which was the difference between us , that i never listened to my parents, even though you always  made fun of me about being a little bitch and listening to my dad, nope, I am not you and I really really really hated how dependent on your parents opinions you were , how you made so much efforts to please them , although you thought you didn’t , you did a lot. Every time you went there for the holidays i would get pissed, because i wanted quality time with you, not to go to my fucking town and listen to my dad and his dumb as wife bullshits , it just drained me so much, being away from you, I should have embraced it and be happy for the alone time, but instead i missed you, which only shows how much I truly loved you. Standing in the cold in the frozen wind I’m leaving you behind but it’s not the end No, no, no Walking on a plane as I hold my breath It’s gonna be weeks till I breathe again How can someone not get depressed after so much shit coming their way, now when i look back I can’t blame myself that much for being like that, I mean i still blame me of course, I should have handled it better, but definitely i look with more kindness on myself going back over this period of my life, Nobody , literally nobody understood me, not even my dad, brother, friends , not even you, it was horrible , funny thing is now my friends are going through the same shit and my brother kinda is as well and they see , but back then no one even tried or made an effort, it was just nagging and bullshit and putting more and more pressure on me in a moment that i needed support and understanding.So in this shitstorm a trip with your parents was the last thing on my mind, but i could not go, you would go crazy and they would be offended, probably it would have been way better if i had not came. I really tried with them, I still can’t figure out why they never liked me. Maybe they knew i was a bad match for you and you had to keep it up with me or God knows why, it doesn’t even matter anymore of course, like most things.I was annoyed by them in that moment,but i was annoyed by everyone and everything you knew that and i still kept face and behaved, I helped them, i was useful and nice, except for groping your ass and fucking you like crazy, but WTF you were my girl, of course i would do that, Jesus fucking Christ, this was/is so  fucking ridiculous.Slowly over those months i could feel you slipping completely, you started to disrespect me a lot  and slowly  i went from your top priority, lol like that ever was true, to bottom line priority, you would prioritize time with your dumb ass bitch friends than spend time with me,the most absurd thing was that we would have fights that we don’t do anything and go anything, but so convenient, you would work on the weekends, the next one you would have lectures, the third one you would go see your mamma, and the 4th one in the month , you would be meh, lets go eat pizza, I’m tired and i wanna rest, which for me was okay , i loved taking you to restaurants, not the same five places of course, we could have tried more stuff, but every week we went out , the problem was you were bitching we don’t do shit and it was your fucking fault and i don’t blame you, i was bad company at the time , its normal to not wanting to spend time together, sadly i needed time alone, we should have split then, until i figure my shit out, that was the only way , but i was too weak to leave you, too desperate to hold on to our dying toxic relationship ,but If i had left you back then , we would still be together, how paradoxical that is, but it is God honest truth, but I’m glad that did not happen, because we would end up having kids or getting married and one day i would wake up and be like what the fuck is going on with my life and why am I with this women, who is clearly not worthy of me, as cmon you never were, not just looks and intelligence, but also your behavior , character and vibe, you are unstable , unreliable and untrustworthy and very volatile ,not someone who would want to have kids and build a future together for sure, good for some time,yes you were not right for me at all , but let me get that CRYSTAL CLEAR that doesn’t change the FACT that i loved you more than anything. Everybody around you was hating me , of course you would start to do the same ,for their own selfish reasons, your boss, he was jealous of me, the fat fucker, that i would get that ass every night and he can’t see his dick from his fat belly, but i didn’t give a damn about that porker, i have no idea why you thought i was jealous of him or whatever, an absurd notion. Back then i didn’t think you could fall so low like you are now, but to be honest you always had an affinity for gross disgusting guys , e.g Romane, Lazslo , that guy you used to date before, most of your male friends, I do believe they made you feel better and more secure, because you felt better than them and you did not have to put so much effort in it or worry about it , or feel bad and be willing to work for it. I saw that pattern even back then and from your conversations with your mom , I think you were raised like that as well, to be mediocre and settle for less , just so you don’t get burned by the fire, which is really sad, but hey , its only your life choices, so who cares. My step brother’s prom came and it was like a really weird spin of fate, two years before that was my brother’s prom and we were so happy ,not pretending, this time around,  we just looked happy in the photos and were pretending that everything was okay, which all my family noticed, sadly except for me , but to be honest i knew where we were headed , I just didn’t want to accept it , I used to talk with my dumb ass friend from my town over the phone, going on at great length , how much you are not for me and how much better it would be if we split, but i still had hope that we might get over this and things will be different , that you are different and I am not right, its only a temporary thing and so on and so on, what a fool for you and your love I was. After that your behavior grew increasingly erratic, you would pick fights with me for the slightest of things, complain about everything, nag and blab all the time. I was so worried at that time for securing employment and my upcoming last exam , that i scarcely took notice of said behavior  , which for the time was the exact thing i should have done, but as my mind cleared i focused on the things you were saying and complaining about, which was my complete downfall, trying logic and reason with you, when obviously you were doing it on purpose or perhaps you weren’t ,but it came from your deep underneath your  consciousness, in a way to force me to leave you , because you could not do it yourself. Those last months were horrible, constant bickering and fighting , i was gonna give you a meme - toxic is good , toxic is great , but we split before i managed to send it. This was quite visible and from the time we spend together or more correctly we did not, you would be at work or drinking with your slut friends , who more than anything wanted you to be single, it’s not normal for your girlfriend to get drunk, especially when she know she has a drinking problem, lol that was joke. But yeah it wasn’t normal that you would go out at noon to drink with you friends and come home at ten , knowing that this is our only free day we should rather spend it together doing something just the two us or with other people,but us together, that was my problem, not you drinking with your friends or in generally getting wasted, problem at the time of course, as I needed you, now if i was in the same situation it wouldn’t be a problem , i would just do the same with my friends or dump your disrespectful ass, you have no idea how low my tolerance for bullshit has become, if you think i was bad before, you should look at me now, I am perfectly aware of who I am, my self worth and self imagine, I am not gonna let anyone, let one some dumb ass bitch fuck with me or walk over me, its either my way or the fucking highway, you wanna be part of my life, my good vibes and self amusement mindset, have a good time, then you must contribute , you must bring something good to the table as well, if not , okay , good luck out there and hope you find what you are looking for. This has been my mindset lately and it has worked wonders for my mental state and happiness. No one cares about that tho , so lets move on  to the action part-  APOCALYPSE  Ever since i started working ,I was hoping things were gonna go improve and we might pull through , but nah, you were already set on breaking up and looking for another guy , that better looking guy from your work that split with his girl didn’t go for you, because he probably saw what you were and you took a liking into gorrila joe , he does look like a monkey to be honest or Mr. disgusting like we like to call him, he was giving you free attention, validating you and boosting your fragile ego and you decided why would you bother with me when you can have this wimp in your legs and walk over him , why try hard when you can go easy and let go of yourself and just give him the only thing you had of value, hidden between your legs. I remember when i met him for the first time, how he looked frightened, we were still together, he knew i knew what was up, but i did not believe you would fall so low and just disregarded him , i mean cmon this guy was so fucking disgusting, how could you even... Just before the end you would go into the most ridiculously arguments , like why i don’t want friends, it was none of your business and i have friends, i just didn’t seem them because of you , you would bitch and moan if I did and generally hated them and other stupid things you would fight with me, i knew the end was coming, as this shit has happened before with another , just a short explanation here, the moment we split she started writing me , sending me cringy snapchats videos of her, for the sole reason i can’t record them or SS , with stupid quesitons how are you doing and so on , my friends said i should fuck her to make you feel bad, but that whore was absolutely disgusting to me, i only entertained the idea of talking with her to get the old photos that got deleted, THAT WAS THE ONLY REASON, she was so insignificant and inconsequential to me that i wouldn’t even care if she would come butt ass naked to my doorstep begging for cock, i would laugh and go to the gym, she appeared again in this story 6 months later, but thats or the last chapter, if  she is reading this by any chance , just fuck off, you are a bad memory i erased long ago, like some dumb school project that you did ages ago, exactly can’t remember, doesn’t matter fuck off. But let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves, we went to that nice Italian restaurant  and the whole time you were complaining and bitching about stuff , you made an effort not to agree with anything , i don’t want here i don’t want there, stupidity and disrespected pilled up with shit. I finally decided to act, so when we went home i confronted you and asked whats up, you were afraid again to tell me, didn’t have the courage to step up and say the truth , so you gave me the bullshit idk if we should be together, this was the defining moment , I showed you the door and told you to fuck off, you started crying and this was my biggest failure and mistake, that i thought you were different, i felt really bad and sorry for you and said to myself this is my girl i should try to fix it, but no dumbass , it was already unfixable and way too broken for me to repair, the only way this shit was gonna go down my way was if i had dumped you as i first told you to pack you stuff and leave,but my feelings for you again got the better of me . You picked the perfect moment for that of course, i was sick and was feverish , I couldn’t think straight at all , if i was okay , things would have been different and i wouldn’t have been that broken, but yeah my mistake again for putting my faith in you. You lied to me that you love me and said we will work things out, a blatant lie , knowing that you were gonna pack your shit and vanish the day after that , as you do best. And the most disgusting thing was that you were still making plans with me to go to Greece and on a holiday, using for the last time, before we go our separate ways, maybe your guilt got in the way or me pushing you too hard, otherwise you would have stayed for longer with me and God forbid , if we stayed together until the winter, stop me from coming here or we could have pushed through and made it ,who knows, Praise the Emperor that things went the way the did, for me to see you as the person you really are, not that perfect image i had of you.

We finally arrive to that day 29 of August, from the morning i knew something wasn’t right I could sense you, even thought , the last night we slept together i just knew this was it, I could feel it , i asked to leave work earlier and headed home ,but it was already too late as i entered the door my heart fell andwhat happened after that I will cover in the last chapter of your story.

[fourmisfitz]

37 with mr taylor

“I need somewhere to stay”

It was Valentine’s Day and you had just had the worst day at work, and that’s putting it lightly. Your boss picked today to subject everything to a perfection detector and nothing you did was sufficient. You worked at a florist shop and business was crazy. A new-hire screwed up in inventory and now you had run out of red roses and chocolates before evening dinner celebrations began, but you got blamed since she was your trainee.

You fell asleep in your cab during rush hour and your driver took the highway through a traffic jam. When you exited the cab you were too drowsy and disgusted by his comments on your cleavage he had been eyeing to notice you left your purse in the backseat after slapping some bills in his sweaty palm.

You had to throw pebbles at your neighbors balcony windows to get someone to let you in, your phone being abandoned with your keys in the cab. You initially aimed for the nicest tenants windows but everyone was still working except for the old retired lady that often filed noise complaints against everyone else. 

The woman reluctantly hobbled down and let you into the complex, but of course, not without scolding you for interrupting her soap opera and some snide comments about your skirt length and the colour washing you out.

“You’re never going to find a man looking like that, deary. ‘Very sad excuse for a woman, the way you dress, you know.” You forced a laugh as she tapped your bum with her cane.

“Who needs ‘em.”

“That’s what a sad, single woman says on this holiday.” She dismissed, closing her front door behind her.

“And where’s your prince charming, bat?” You rolled your eyes to yourself.

When you finally got inside your flat, you fell back against the closed door, groaned and slid down, faltering to your unstable legs. It was just one of those days. You fought tears inching their way up and pried your high heels off, massaging your aching Achilles and shrugged off your blazer.

You stood up and decided to order dinner, but everything seemed to be either closed or backed up, it being a high traffic holiday.

“I hate this god forsaken day.” You huffed into the phone to yourself just as you slammed the phone receiver down.

“Frozen pizza it is.” You reached into your freezer and pulled out the thin box, flipping it around to read the directions. “Best before… oh boy.” It was the best impromptu dinner you had so you popped it in the oven.

With your lackluster slice in hand, you plopped down on the couch and flicked on the TV to relieve some stress.

“Why does it take so long, is it because you’re such perfectionists?” The interviewer asked.

A familiar face came into frame.

“Ahh, i dunno- perhaps we’re slow. Um it’s hard to say really, we just like to get things right, umm,”

“Liar!” You yelled monotonously, mouth full of bland pizza, throwing a pillow at the TV.

Over the obnoxious crunch, the buzz of your front door intercom sounded in your foyer.

As you marched to take care of the unexpected guest, you stepped right on the heel of your discarded shoe from earlier and let out a loud exasperated groan.

“God- what now?” You yelped, hopping as you clamped your hand down on your hurt foot. You paused for a moment at a side table to massage the sole of your foot.

The buzzing turned into purposeful knocks.

“How could this day get any worse?” You grunted, swinging the door open and instantly no longer knowing what to say.

The distinguishable face was now panting at your door, drenched from a storm that had just begun to pour.

“Well, that depends on how you view lost, blonde drummer exes…” He offered a hesitant laugh under his breath.

His familiar sunglasses were slid up into his hair, tucking long strands away with it and allowing his stark blue eyes to glisten under his dripping hairline.

“Roger,” You breathed, air caught in your throat.

“Hi,”

“Hi,” You repeated.

He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out as he wrung out his hands nervously.

“You look…” He eyed your mismatching dress shirt and sweatpants you had changed into, “stylish.” He tried, nodding slowly.

You glanced down at your ensemble and rolled your eyes.

“Roger, what are you doing here? And, how did you get up here?”

You and Roger had broken up about a year ago, and there were still some hard feelings on your end towards him, triggering some bad blood. He gave up and fled when things started to get a little too complicated.

“Well I uh, snuck in when someone else came to the front door and um… okay so, I, uh- well the thing is, um,”

He slicked his damp hair back with a hand.

“C’mon, Rog, spit it out.” You coaxed, exhausted from your day.

The last thing you wanted was to be dealing with your ex right now, after this never-ending day fueled by Murphy’s Law, on this day of all days… but, you also hadn’t spoken since the messy breakup and Roger was your first and last thought of every day, being the only soul to ever get you, so some part of you still regrettably had patience for him.

He took a deep breath.

“Look, I know this is going to sound all very-” He twinkled his fingers in the air, shaking his head at a loss for words. “And, um, just really-” He pursed his lips, flicking invisible air with both hands at you.

“Out with it, Rog.” You held back a small laugh at his disheveled and nervous state.

“I need somewhere to stay.”

Your lips parted, all function of your voice leaving you for a moment before letting go of a breath of disbelief. You backed up and marched over to the kitchen, Roger following timidly behind.

“What are you doing?” He asked, watching as you peered your head out the window, tilting at different angles to catch a glimpse of the gloomy sky.

“Just checking for flying pigs,” You tilted your gaze at him, “because this is just completely-” You shrugged.

“-I know, I know.” He held out open palms as he walked to stand by you.

“I mea- why do you even need a place?”

“Well,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “I haven’t really owned a place in awhile, I’d been living with my girlfriend,”   Somehow that didn’t sting as much as you imagined it to,  “And when we broke up, I sort of just stayed with the mates and,”

“So you’ve been couch hopping for the past, like, month?”

“You know about the tour?”

You rolled your eyes and opened your fridge door, grabbing two bottles of Lager.

“Of course I know, it’s a little hard not to keep up when you’re all. over. the TV.” You let out an amused scoff laugh, widening your eyes on ‘all over’.

He laughed gently back and a fizz sound filled the air as you popped off the caps and handed him a bottle.

“Roger, you could’ve called.” You walked over to the couch and took a swig of the beer in your hand as soon as you sat down.

“I donno, we haven’t talked since- yunno…”

“And yet here you are.” You raised your bottle and took another sip, not taking your eyes away from his grateful ones. 

He shot you a grin and raised his bottle, taking a casual big swig as he glanced down at the plate of thin pizza on the end table. You resumed your half-eaten slice and he retrieved one for himself.

“Awgh-” his lips frowned in disgust as he removed the bite from his mouth. “Christ, is this cardboard you’re eating?” You stifled a chuckle.

“No, it’s just Hawaiian.”

“You hate Hawaiian.”

“I also hate you, but I took the bite.” You reasoned nonchalantly. He looked at you for a moment as your eyes fixated on the movie playing.

“And it’s expired.” You quickly admitted, blowing an airy laugh through your nose as you snagged another bite, prompting Roger to shake his head with closed eyes in disapproval.

“It’s really just a suggestion.” You shrugged, chasing the bite with another frothy gulp.

“MmHmm.” He teased.

He plopped down beside you, and after a moment you leaned your head on his shoulder.

“Happy sad-excuse-for-commercial-expression-of-affection day.” You sang, swinging your pizza in hand.

“Jesus Hallmark must hate you.”

You giggled and he took your hand in a firm grip and rested your intertwined fingers on your knee as you sat and watched the rom-coms that began to play.

An unspoken consensual comfort lingered in the air, or was that the freezer burn?

“Y/N…”

You hummed in response, half-listening.

“What is your pillow doing all the way over there?”

You squeezed his hand and took another bite of the burnt pizza.

____

Did ya catch all that last sentence double meaning? hehe

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[woildismyerster]

Hello! I love your writing so much! I was hoping to make a request, because no one makes my heart flutter like Kevin G. I thought maybe Kevin and the reader both have feelings for each other but are oblivious to it, so someone asks the reader to the spring fling and she accepts, and after the mathlete’s competion Kevin goes to the dance and confesses his feelings and just super fluffy? Thank you so much! Love your blog!

Kevin is seriously a Good Boy.

It seemed like a societal flaw to trap members from the world’s most hormonal, unstable people group in a building together for seven hours every day.  You weren’t sure that bring in such close proximity brought out everybody’s civilized side, and the current school year had proven that point.

Teenagers are emotional.  Teenagers are devious.  Teenagers will stab each other in the back for something extreme, like for the greater good, or for something trivial, like to get the last fruit roll up.

That being said, you weren’t one to talk.  Your mad crush on Kevin Gnapoor made you as irrational as the rest of them.  You didn’t tell people, but these were rapid animals.  They could smell it.

Regina had thrown it at you in an offhanded comment while you worked on a group project with the two of them.  Kevin shot you a look, as though to tell you that laughing would only make her worse.

Tyler had noticed it right away, and though he didn’t tell anyone, you could feel the way he watched all of your interactions like a soap opera.

Marwan noticed later.  He thought that you had terrible taste, but he smiled while he said so.

Norbury reminded you, as sarcastic as ever, that there was a Mathletes competition the night of the dance.  She told you that you would fail her class if Kevin ditched to go to the dance with you.

Kevin was probably a whale or something, because he couldn’t smell the smitten on you at all.  At.  All.

It would have been funny if that didn’t allow you to pretend that you stood a chance.

“I mean, a female Doctor?  The feminists are taking over!”  Tyler had put on a nasally voice, and none of the rest of you hesitated before joining him.  “I’m an adult virgin!”

“If only we’d had developed senses of humor when Vine was alive,” Marwan mourned.

“The world couldn’t have handled all of this,” Kevin said.  He spun in leisurely circles in the computer chair.

You snorted.  “Right, that’s it.  It isn’t that you aren’t funny.”

“I’m hilarious, son.”

“Say something funny.”

Kevin grinned at you, head tilted back so he could see you upside down.  “Couldn’t possibly say something that’s funnier than your face, Y/N.”

The others cupped their hands over their mouths.  “Ooooooooh.”

“Wow,” you said.  “You’re right.  That’s totally Vine material.  You’d have been rolling in dough by now.”

“I’d be making it rain,” Kevin said dreamily.  “The ladies would be going wild.”

“If only you were old enough to hire a prostitute,” you deadpanned.

Tyler laughed.  “She got you there, man.”

“I’m tall,” he protested.  “And any honey would be willing to bend rules to get with Kevin G.”

“But here you are, single as ever,” you said.  You gave the chair an extra boost, sending him spiralling.

Kevin spread his arms, smacking Marwan in the side with every twirl.  “I’m not ready to settle down.  I’m enjoying my options.”

“It’s a Friday night,” Marwan pointed out.  “I’m not seeing any options here, unless you count Y/N.”

The four of you were sitting in Tyler’s basement, with Twilight Zone reruns playing in the background.  The boys weren’t so much as texting any girls, let alone wooing them.

“Y/N does not count,” Kevin ceded.  “Unless she wants to go up to Tyler’s room.”

“Sure,” you said sweetly.  “C’mon, Tyler.  Give me a full tour.  Show me everything.”

“Ouch.”  Kevin stopped the chair to give you a cocky smile.  “I think I could give you just as good of a tour, babe.  Kevin G can show you what you wanna see.”

“Believe me, you can’t,” you lied.  It was an easy lie to give, and it didn’t feel like it costed you much.  Tyler’s eye roll, maybe.  Marwan’s huff of disbelief.

All Kevin did was put a hand over his heart.  “You don’t mean in.  You’ll come around.”

“Try again when you’re making it rain.”

“I will,” he promised.  “But you’ll come crawling back before then.”

“Fat chance,” you said, and the grin on his face made you wonder if he knew how flimsy the words were.

“Y/N,” he said eagerly.  “Y/N, girl, lovely lady -”

“Kevin,” you sighed back.  “Kevin, bro, man ho -”

“Woof,” he grinned.  “That would be offensive if it wasn’t my dream.”

You closed your English book and gave him your full attention.  “What’s up?”

“We should go door to door tonight to collect cans for the food drive.  I want that pizza party in homeroom, yo.”

Tyler looked up from his lunch, surprised.  “I thought that you and I were -”

“Nope,” Kevin said smoothly.  His body jerked, and there was a thump under the table.

Tyler winced, leaning down to rub his foot.  “Jesus Christ, fine.”

“Y/N, let’s do this thing,” Kevin said.

You grinned.  “Alright, let’s win a pizza party.”

Tyler shot you a pointed look.  You pretended not to notice.  Kevin was too busy charting a collection route to see the dopey smile on your face.

“Y/N, I swear to God, I’m going to kill someone if you don’t put Kevin out of his misery soon,” Tyler said earnestly.

“What do you mean?”

“He’s driving me insane.  He doesn’t talk about anything else, and his raps are sappy, and he’s so busy trying to prove a point to you that he won’t share food with anyone else -”

You snorted.  Your class didn’t win the food drive competition, but Kevin bought a pizza to share with you at lunch anyways.  When Tyler and Marwan tried to get in on the action, Kevin said that it was only for the people who went collecting.

“You’re being dramatic,” you said.  “Kevin’s always weird.  It’s why he’s a good friend.”

“He’s too busy being a good boyfriend to the girl he isn’t dating,” Tyler mumbled.  “You have to fix it.”

“By doing what?”

“Tell him that you like him.  Lie, and tell him that you don’t like him.”  Tyler rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest.  “I don’t care.  But you have to do something.”

“He doesn’t like me,” you said patiently.  “You’re being stupid.”

“And you’re being blind.”

You grinned.  “Believe me, Kevin would make a move if he felt something.  He’s never had any qualms about speaking his mind before.”

Tyler gave a non-committal hum.  “Tell him that you like him.  He’ll be stoked.”

“Or I won’t tell him, and I won’t be disappointed when he tries to let me down gently.”  That seemed like the far superior option.

“Because doing nothing is way better,” Tyler said.  “Totally.  That’s, like, the epitome of good seduction techniques.  Do absolutely nothing and hope that something changes.”

“Yikes.”

“It’s the truth.  Either you tell Kevin how you feel, or you try to move on.  Waiting hasn’t helped so far,” he pointed out.

That was true.  You were as single now as you had been when you first started noticing how incredible Kevin was.  Tell him, or move on.

Tell him.  You felt sick to your stomach when you imagined the horrified look on Kevin’s face when he realized that there were some decidedly not-friendly feelings mixing in the friendship.

Move on.  It didn’t feel any better to picture dating somebody else.

Okay, so both options felt awful.  That made things a little easier; you could go all Into The Woods on this and wait for something to decide for you.  You would wait for some sort of sign, and let that be the deciding factor.

You waited for a sign, and when it finally arrived, you felt worse than ever.

“If we rap all of our answers at States, the other team will be too intimidated to win,” Kevin insisted.

“Or they’ll answer everything before us,” Marwan counted, “because we’ll be wasting our time trying to freestyle.”

“That’s a personal problem,” Kevin said.  “I don’t need time.”

“Y/N, tell Kevin that his idea is dumb AF.”  Marwan didn’t bother looking at you, and you didn’t bother giving Kevin an apologetic grin.

“Kevin, that’s a bad plan.  Winning will make you cooler than a rap will.”

He deflated for a second, but the smile returned with vengeance.  “We’ll be hot stuff when we win,” he agreed.  “You’ll have to keep your distance, unless you want to burst into flames on contact.”

“I won’t see you that night.”  You sighed, all exaggerated disappointment, in the hopes that they wouldn’t hear the real disappointment that mingled with nerves.  “I’ll be at the dance.”

“What?”  All three of the boys gaped at you, but Tyler looked the most surprised of all.  “I thought you were coming to the competition.”

“I was, but then I got asked to the dance.”

Tyler’s eyes were the size of dinner plates.  “You’re going on a date?”

All faces in the room reflected varying degrees of horror, including you.  You could only hope that a smile would mask that fact that you really didn’t want to go on this date.  “C’mon, guys.  It isn’t that crazy that somebody would want to date me.”

“No, not crazy at all,” Kevin said, his face a few shades paler than it had been before.  “Who’d you sucker into hanging out with you for the night?”

“Seth Mosakowski,” you said.

Kevin gave a scathing snort.  “Dude, he made out with Karen Smith last year.  They’re cousins.”

“Good thing I’m not his cousin, then.”

“He’s an idiot,” Marwan said.

“Good thing I’m not, then.”

“You don’t even like him,” Tyler said emphatically.

You looked at your hands.  “Good thing he likes me, then.”  The words were saturated with bitterness, and it seemed like the mood got to the guys.  Smiles were rare for the rest of the afternoon, and they never belonged to Kevin.

Dances were trippy places.  It seemed like every moment was blending together, even the moment you were living in.  The next morning, you were sure, the entire night would be a messy blur of dim lighting and warm bodies.

You were hoping so, at least, because you weren’t sure that you wanted to remember this date.

Seth was nice, and it wasn’t his fault that this sucked serious balls.  It wasn’t his fault that you didn’t like his long, pointless stories.  It wasn’t his fault that you didn’t understand the inside jokes he had with his friends, or that you weren’t interested in learning them.  The only fault you could see in him was that he wasn’t the person you wanted to be there with.

“So we were in math class,” Seth said.

You hummed in acknowledgement, though he probably couldn’t hear you over the newest Ed Sheeran song.

“Jason was making a bang list for the junior class.”

You glanced back at the gym doors, wondering if it was too early to take your third bathroom break of the night.  A tall, dark head of hair was wading through the clumps of students, and everything felt clear for the first time all night.

“He ranked Taylor Wedell over Gretchen, but only when he knew Cady was close enough to hear and report it back to her.”

You waited until Kevin get near enough to hear, and called his name.  His head whipped toward you, warm grin plastered on before he even realized it was you.  It faltered when he saw you, followed up by something that made you ache.  “Looking pretty fly, G.  Mathletes jackets are super vogue.”

“Y/N,” Kevin said, a little strangled.  “You look amazing.”

“I know, right?”  Seth grinned.  “How goes it, Gnapoor?  You must have missed the memo - we were supposed to look good for this.  You wore the wrong outfit.”

Kevin’s smile was back.  “Mosakowski.  I was surprised to hear that you asked Y/N out; the two of you aren’t related.”

“Seth, can you leave us alone for a second?”  You gave him a sweet smile, flicking Kevin an irritated look.  Neither one looked pleased, but Kevin had the sense to look nervous.  “I have to ask Kevin a question about some homework that’s due Monday.”

“Text me later,” Kevin said.  “I’ve got a thing over there.”

“Over where?”

“Anywhere but here,” he mumbled.  “Have fun, Y/N.  Seth.”

“Not likely,” you mumbled while he brushed past.  You felt him pause, surprised, but you didn’t look back.

Kevin:  Norbury’s class.  five minutes

Y/N:  Why?

Kevin:  homework

You told Seth that you had to use the bathroom, and he didn’t question it.  You couldn’t tell if he truly believed that your bladder was a waterfall, or if he just wanted time away from you too.  It hardly mattered.

The classroom door was cracked open, but the light was off.  You loitered in front of the door for a minute, wondering if you should go in, until a hand reach out, grabbed your wrist, and yanked you through.

You gave a startled scream, but Kevin’s hand pressed against your lips.

“Jesus God, Y/N.  We aren’t supposed to be in here; don’t get us caught.”

“Don’t manhandle me, then,” you snapped back.  You had to stifle a grin at the sight of him, even with the irritation fueling you.  “If you thought that I had actual homework questions, you are going to be sorely disappointed.”

“If you thought that I was dumb enough to miss the fact that you were lying,” he replied with a wry smile, “you are going to be sorely disappointed.”

You took a few steps back and settled against a desk.  The room was too dark, too quiet, for you to stand that close to Kevin without imagining things that probably never happened outside of teen porn.  “What’s up?”

“You said that you were having a bad night,” he said, closing the door.  “Ya boi is saving you from a bad date.”

You did smile at that.  “How sweet.  What are you doing at the dance?  You had States.”

“We already won, so we thought we should come over.”

“Funny,” you said.  “It’s weird that you’d come to a dance, and then lock yourself in a room with me instead of actually dancing.”

“I don’t think it’s weird at all,” he said.  In three long strides, he came to your desk, put his hands on your waist, and kissed you.

Moments in the evening had been blurring before, but now everything was perfectly clear.  You were aware of everything - the lingering taste of an orange creamsicle that he must have had on the way over, the sound of corny music playing in the distant gym, the scrape of his teeth against your lips, the bite of the desk into your thighs.

If this was the sort of thing that only happened in teen porn, you didn’t want to be living anywhere else.

“Why the hell,” he mumbled against your lips, “would you go to homecoming with Seth Mosakowski?”

You snorted, giving the hair at the base of his neck a sharp tug.  “It’s not like I had a better offer.”

“I had a competition today!”

“You still showed up,” you said.  You pulled back a little, settling your arms around his neck in a loose hug.  Kevin was smiling, bewildered and hopeful.  

“Because I knew you were here,” he said.  

“You came to the dance, just to watch me on my date?”  

“Something like that.”

You looked pointedly between the lack of space between your bodies.  “You are a terrible casual observer.”

He kissed you again.  “I can’t stand by and watch Hick Central steal my girl.”

“Your girl?”

“I bought you a pizza,” he said, rubbing his nose against yours.  “I really thought that we were almost there.”

“You should have asked me out.”

“I thought we were almost there,” he said again.  “It was an unspoken thing, Y/N.”

You looked at the ceiling, thoughtful.  “I don’t remember agreeing to anything.”

“Babe.”

“Maybe I’ll have you as my classroom hookup, Seth as my dance partner, and a couple other guys on the side -”

“Bruh.”

You beamed.  “Hey, if nobody’s asking -”

“I’m asking,” he said.  Kevin wiped the smirk away, until the hope was all there was.  “Let’s go out on a date.  A real date - a spoken thing.”

“Are you sure that you can give up your man ho ways?”

“I can’t,” he teased.  “But I’m only a ho for you.”

“Awe, babe,” you said, snorting.  “I feel like that was supposed to be romantic, but it somehow wasn’t -”

He kissed you again, all smiles and happy sighs, and you responded in kind.

[eris0330]

Silent Cries

☽Pairing☾ ; Jimin | Reader!Idol

☽Genre☾ ; Angst | Fluff-ish ending

☽Word Count☾ ; 2.2k

☽Summary☾ ; Speaking up for yourself was rare, and being paired with your old childhood friend, who only knew about the harsh world being a trainee. The joy of seeing him again, faltered quickly, wanting to leave as soon as you could. It wasn’t that easy, when you are meant to prepare a solo stage together. 

There are days you love watching Jimin's significant smile, that only tugged your heartstrings to be sent back to kinder garden where you first met each other. The simple blue car toy, that you were deeply in love with, and even begged your mom to get your very own. Fighting with this boy that were only a few months older than you, continued for two years, until you could show him off with the new Christmas gift. His eyes sparkling, and not even allowed to touch your possession, made him eager to try harder. It was a competition, between the two of you, that no one else understood. The individuals of a female and a male, liking the same things to receive equality in your friendship. It was about who could get the first toy in the playroom, and in middle school it was all about who could do an elephant turn the longest, without falling to their doom later. 

Everyone thought it was cute, seeing you both spend so much time together, but it was nothing for you to wonder about. It was first in high school, you noticed how close you two were. The popular topics of boys and girls, having their first crush and the seven minutes in heaven. You developed a tiny crush on Jimin, without even trying to tell him. Besides, he had his own girlfriend to care about and you were just there to give him moral support. There wasn't anyone else like Jimin, and that's why you continued to stay by his side, despite being closed off from the world with new things. Every day and night, you would convince yourself to tell him that he should go to someone else than you, but it always failed. He had a soft spot, and it became a burden in the future. You couldn't say no, you couldn't even resist or reject offers even if it meant your own feelings were going to be torn. That's what love was, and even worse, that's how you were. 

Finally, in college, Jimin wandered towards his path in Seoul to achieve his dream of becoming an idol. You promised to follow his steps, like the kids you were back then. The tiny pinkie promise, that was the only thing that mattered to hold a contract. Months passed, and being thrown from agency to agency, you found yourself to lose power over yourself. That everyone had something to say, and you couldn't do anything else than follow their orders. The only thing keeping you going, was the reminder that you were going to see Jimin this way.  

So, it happened, the day you were told to create a solo stage with an idol member, better known as Park Jimin. It felt unreal, to know behind the white door in front, were to be memories and imaginations merged together. Your thoughts building the way his face was changing from a child to an adult, with the features of his body. You have been through hell, working on an image for yourself and even establish enough recognition to get this opportunity. But little did you know, how much of a monster Jimin had become through the harsh trainee period.  

"Jesus fucking christ Y/N. It's left-left-right-left!" He complained yet again, when your knees fell to the ground in agony. His facial expression, cold like a killer and his body position tense at the atmosphere. You could barely remember the fond smile he once had, turning to hurtful words whenever you messed up. It wasn't the Jimin you once loved so dearly, whether you pushed your mind to it.  

"I-I'm sorry" You stuttered, getting on your feet again. It's been days, hours and minutes with the same insult of your reckless body. The dance practice becoming harder to learn, and whenever you messed up the slightest, or not to perfection, Jimin was right there to tell you.  

"You got the steps right, but you don't look too pretty while doing them-" Jimin commented, sipping on his water. Your posture unstable and your emotions locked inside a box, because there was something you were sure about, you were scared. Too scared to tell him off like when you were kids, when his body was bigger than yours. He was nothing but a robot in your vision, where the memories were long forgotten. "-Again." Without the courage to tell him that you were going to break apart soon, spending time this way, suffering, Jimin only continued to make the dance perfect. His dark brown eyes that sparkled when he told about his dream of a singer, but they seemed so cold and distant now. Where did the Jimin you knew so well, go?  

"You idiot, again."

"Left-right-left-left-right. How did you even become an idol this way?"  

"Fix your expression"

"Not good enough"  

Same type of phrase, but different scenarios. Same sore feet and distracting auras of fear, tension and attraction. There hasn't been a day, where Jimin wouldn't be telling you everything that was wrong, with the dance, your face or just you. Your eyes stinging from the words you wished to forget, but blamed it on the sweat that ran from your hard work. You were once excited to be around him again, but now, you just wanted to escape. After so long being separated, where your heart was going to burst by the days that went alone, you just wanted to feel something else than loneliness.

The day he finally snapped, to shout louder in the practice room before the members would attend to watch the rehearsals. You wished they wouldn't had come, watching your tense muscles and bruises on your feet. His voice so clear and powerful, telling you that you would never become anything good, if you continued being like this. It hurt, and nothing else could compare the pain you felt when Jimin opened his mouth. You could only count the days, until it was going to be over and forget about this even happened. It didn't help either, when Taehyung came around to watch your rehearsal and Jimin was a different persona than you had thought. Was it you, that made him so cold-hearted? Did you need to disappear? That's what you continued to think, until the day Taehyung spoke for your behalf.  

"Did you eat bricks or something for dinner?" Taehyung commented, when you finished the dance and the member left one by one. Jimin sending you the same type of glare and tiny remark, that this isn't going to go well for the solo stage. To be fair, right now nothing mattered. You felt regret and dead inside, sucking up the way he treated you. But Taehyung wasn't going to have any of it, stepping in between your sweaty bodies. For the first time in weeks, you felt safe behind a broad back. Jimin's shocked expression and scrunched brows, were signs enough to not have realised his mistakes.  

"Why do you keep discouraging her?" He continued to speak, catching Jimin off guard. An arm swung around you to be tugged underneath a warm wing, being hold closer than never before as if it was the first time. Taehyung's eyes were pointed at you, giving you the courage and sympathy you have been looking for.  

"What are you talking about? She's fine?" Jimin replied, pointing at your posture, where your eyes looked down on the dirty floor. Taehyung gave you a quick glance, before setting his attention on Jimin.  

"You're incredibly stupid.. I know how you get when you practice way too hard, but don't let it go on Y/N. She has had enough nights crying by herself in here, when you two were finished." Your body felt heavy and every attention pointed at your dying form. You couldn't control the tears shedding down your cheek, as Taehyung remarked different incidents you have used alone, soothing your broken heart. Finally, someone was standing up for you when you couldn't. But the way Jimin's eyes turned dark and sad, made you feel exposed. You could tell his body was shaken by the information, that even now, you could never confront him.  

"Y/N, is that true?" Jimin asked softly, to reach out for your arm. But your mind couldn't process it, it was too much at once. Your panic state and tears, were already overwhelming to show and wanting to hide away. So you did. You ran, faster and faster between the hallways and closed doors. Your body retreating to the safest place, and your heart pounding harder. The sounds of cars and people, becoming inaudible of the muffling on your ears. You did something wrong, again. Instead of telling him how you felt, you let it continue. It was stupid, and now it was too late to make any excuses.  

Your feet found their way around the block, to notice the tiny ice cream shop. The varieties of snacks and cold drinks, were making your throat dry. The woman behind the counter shared a warming smile with you, forgetting the troubles behind. Right now, you could only focus on the smallest things.  

"you look like you have had a rough night. Here, it's on the house" The lady spoke, fetching a soda from the fridge behind. Your warm hands freezing by the metal against your palm, sending chills down your body as you thanked her gratefully. You have probably used so much time with a monster, that you had forgotten the world wasn't as bad as you had thought. There were good people out there, and maybe, just maybe, Jimin was a part of that group.  

"Y/N?" Your devoured drink was interrupted by a manly voice, knowing exactly who it was. Jimin had been following you, after having a talk with Taehyung. His blind perfectionist side, not realising what he had done to his childhood friend. The strong woman he had been loving ever since that stupid toy car got in the way, were actually doing everything in her care, to please him. You could barely look at him, as he stood in front of you. His sweaty t-shirt from practice, was shifted to a sweater in the cold weather. His blonde damp hair from the dance, that even the scent of him were strong.  

"I know, I shouldn't ask for forgiveness. Not after what I have said, and treated you." He continued to speak, trying to gather your attention. "But...why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you say, that I hurt you?" He questioned, making your stomach turn of his raspy voice. There was something about the atmosphere, that made him seem different. Maybe Taehyung told him something, but it was more than that.  

"I just couldn't... I don't like being in a fight... I don't like to raise my voice, if I'm the one who's at fault. I just can't... I'm not like the girl you knew in middle school..." You answered, biting on your lip. It's rare, that people would understand your situation. That you decided willingly, to live with the circumstances.

"I'm sorry... Being in the industry... I get so used to being called out on what I do wrong. Whether it's in a nice way, or harsh way. I guess it became normal, for me to only get the harsh remarks... I never wished to hurt you... because I know how much it hurts." Jimin muttered, finally catching your blood shot eyes in the moon light. Something inside of him broke, not being able to forgive himself for his actions. The way you looked so lost and sad, because him, broke him down. "Come here..." He whispered, tugging you into his embrace. His heart pounding hard against your skin, that it made your dried eyes water. This, was the Jimin you remembered. The one guy, with a sweet voice and actions coming along.  

"I never told you... but I missed you Y/N" Simple words, that shot arrows through your heart. It was the one thing you have been waiting for, ever since getting the news. Your hands clenching harder onto his shirt, making his arms tighten around your tired body.  

"I missed you too, like I miss that toy car we fought about when we were kids" You pulled on a smile, making the boy giggle in response. There was something about the way his eyes sparkled, that sent you back down in memory lane. You both knew, it was a piece of work to get your childish persona back. Some, might never get it. But the way Jimin fetched for something in his pocket, bought a wide smile on your face. His keys, and a piece of jewellery attached to it, a blue car.  

"No way...." You spoke astonished, touching the cold silver between your fingertips. Jimin was fascinated by your reaction, but he couldn't help to want to embrace you like he did when you were teenagers as a joke. Knowing that you have been through hell with him, he knew everything had to be taken in your phase.  

"Without this toy car, there wouldn't be any 'us', but without you, there won't be a stage to remember" He whispered, tugging you in for another hug. To match your heart's beat, repairing the pieces he broke. Your head finding a safe place in the crook of his neck, gathering the courage to be around him again. Preparing, to stand up for yourself.  

"Then let's make it the best stage, that anyone has laid eyes on."

[appavevo]

ok this will hopefully be the last thing i say about it tonight but one of the things i hated the most out of season 4 was how fucked over sherlock was the entire time, like the only thing he was trying to do was protect john and mary, like everything he did was to do that, and after mary Chose to jump in front of that bullet with super speed or whatever, john blamed him and beat him in the morgue and people were angry at him  for relapsing and and before the hug scene john was being super tense and weird 

and like earlier when john was like “hes a monster” and ~mary~ was like “yea ok but he’s our monster” or something dumb, like hes not a monster at all!!! he can be a bitch sometimes but a big part of the show is that john is just as shitty as sherlock maybe even more and thats why they work so well together “i’m you aren’t i?” like....

also the hug scene, i was excited at first bc when they started talking about irene, for a split second i thought sherlock was gonna come out like john was like “why not shes out there she likes you yadda yadda why not?” and i thought for a sec that sherlock was gonna be like “well.........” and just LFAKJSD but john apologizes to mary for cheating/??? because he was texting some lady???

like i don’t mean to imply that in real life texting like that is fine, it still constitutes as cheating and all that but like...........this woman lied about her entire dangerous life to john, put his life in danger and literally killed sherlock, threated him twice afterwards, ran off without a word a few months after the baby was born to protect herself EVEN THOUGH sherlock said he would protect her.. WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY is that mary was shown to be unreliable and unstable and its not fucking surprise that john needed some kind of emotional attachment or whatever bc hes not getting that from mary like idk i’m not a therapist but you don’t need to be a genius to see that john wasn’t happy in that marriage from the get go lol and like. i just don’t care like that scene is supposed to be emotional and to some extant it is, like john and sherlock actually displaying some emotion around each other and offering some amount of comfort, but how that came about is so DUMb like shes a secret assassin who killed the main character of the show i literally do not care that john was texting another woman i don’t i’m sorry

the last episode is a conversation in and of itself. it was so shitty, all of it. the plot, the set, the special effects? it was so bad and poorly done that when the russian version was leaked we all thought they made a fake episode really quick as a red herring or whatever, and then it was just...........real? 

the plot point in general for the sister was dumb and completely out of the blue i thought, but also how they wrote her? there was a line that was like “she can start a war with 5 minutes on twitter” like give me a fucking break jesus christ thats so fucking dumb. like i know being realistic isn’t this shows biggest priority but this episode feels like a knock off x-men movie its so dumb

don’t even get me started with the whole dog/kid thing. they really had that sweet scene in tld where sherlock was finding redbeard in his mp when he was dying and they totally fucked that scene in the ass by making it something he completely made up? what the hell is that? 

also MYCROFT. so in the previous seasons mycroft is shown and someone who is intelligent and collected, callous but very caring of sherlock. in s4, hes really different? like hes confused about a lot of things and seems to be more .... bumbling? is that the right word? well anyway there is that particular scene in tld where mycroft and john are searching 221b and mycroft says shit like sherlock is a thinking machine and yada yada yada and then mrs hudson is like no!!! hes an emotional guy!!! like yea he is! and i thought mycroft new that?

theres that scene in tsib where john and mycroft are talking in the cafe about sherlock and irene. mycroft in the scene is talking to john about sherlocks emotions. he admits that sherlocks emotions are confusing to him, but he definitely is shown to acknowledge that they do in fact exist, and that they are complex and a big part of who sherlock is. like how the hell do you go from “my brother has the brain of a scientist, or a philosopher, yet he elects to be a detective. what might we deduce about his heart?” to “I know his thought processes better than any other human being... yada yada yada” like that scene was about finding out what triggered sherlock into doing ALL OF THAT when the mycroft of the previous seasons would know, at least a little bit. he knows how important john is to sherlock and when john cuts him off completely he doesn’t acknowledge that THAT might be the trigger???

whatever i’m just bitter and mad and if this ends up being fake and the final season will show up and be great and all that then i will eat my words but that sounds so exhausting giving them the benefit of the doubt

TLDR: s4 bad

[shslshortie]

Okay I'm going to make a post because I can't deal with everything that got asked/shat out my way

I am sorry for this rant, but I am legit ready to leave tumblr again. Like I forgot why I hated it so much, but lord is this an unhealthy environment for so many reasons. Mainly, because of discourse/call out culture. And I'm obviously not talking about being "PC" or anything, but just being an all around mean spirited person if anyone says anything that either 1) doesn't agree with you/your views/your fandom, 2) if anything is even slightly false or not entirely fact-checked, or 3) goes against most popular opinions without writing an entire graduate-level thesis about why you believe your opinion/view/observation is valid. Like if you want to complain or voice an opinion about anything, or even joke about something that you think is funny, you could very likely almost immediately be called out or even be sent WAVES of hate that usually is completely undeserved. Especially since people are hiding behind a screen of anonymity or at least behind an online persona, they don't think about the person on the receiving end of it. They don't think how their mean spirited comments or backlash could effect them mentally, and they don't even stop to think what else could be going on in their lives. Yesterday, (was it yesterday? I think it was yesterday, but GOD was it a long fucking day if it was) I made some posts after recapping through the Rost. Cup after I watched each medalist's short and long, as well as all the US skaters, big names, and for the men and ladies, almost all 11 skaters honestly. I love figure skating, and NO, unlike a lot of people wrongfully assumed, am not a part of the "fandom" and did not get into it because of YOI. Was a passion reignited from like a barbeque level flame to a bonfire with YOI's help? Yes. But would it probably have gone to a similar level with the Olympic season going into full swing? Highly likely. But anyways, I made some posts because I wanted to voice some observations, complaints, and things I thought were funny because tumblr is the only place I ever really rant/voice theories/talk about a lot of my interests, since I don't have any irl friends who are interested in almost half of the things I am. So, tumblr is usually the place that I dump these feelings/thoughts. Sure, one of them was a little off-color, and posted without thinking, but after about an hour (and like 3-4 replies I think), I looked back on it, and realized it didn't need to be posted out there, even if I didn't mean it to be mean. Does this mean I owed every single person who "called me out" for being uninformed, or for being mean, or for being whatever the hell I am a reply? No. Did I know that some things were answered over Twitter, or weibo (sp?) or Reddit, or whatever other gd social media that I don't use? No. Does that man I am uniformed and spreading lies or whatever? I don't think so, and that doesn't make me a fucking villain. I also deleted it, because I realized I was wrong. End of story, part 1. But then, the figure skating fandom found some of my posts/commentary/rants. (god forbid they somehow find this and attack me ALL OVER AGAIN, except for y'all that were part of this whole issue. I hope y'all see this, because it's not like I blocked you. Except for one tumblr user who blocked me because of my post? Like you do you, except don't reblog my post and block me so I can't see what you said, presumably about how I am a terrible person). And apparently 1) if you insult/don't like/say Y***** H**** didn't do his best/were disappointed in him, or if you like the person who won over him more... Then you deserve to die. And 2) if you even make a post about YOI or other anime, you are a fake fan who knows nothing. And 3) even mirroring almost the exact words of sports (specifically figure skating) commentators in your posts means nothing? Like it OBVIOUSLY means that you are making up bullshit to hate on skaters that are popular and are misinformed, right??? Or if you say one thing that was similar to an APPARENTLY problematic broadcast group, that nothing (including any commentary from official other broadcasts, because GUESS WHAT: it's hard to find recordings of all of the programs and exhibitions with English commentary, and there are usually 3-4 networks that have it, and SO MANY people upload different ones to YouTube) else you say matters or has any merit. I haven't even read all of the hate mail and submissions I received from this debacle. My mental health can't take it. I literally woke up for school the next morning, saw my notifications and couldn't get myself to stop crying from the anger/upsetness/trauma/depressed thoughts that bubbled up with all of it, and I couldn't even get myself to go to class because I was so shaken. Like visibly, physically shaken, to the point where I couldn't think straight and I literally had tremors from how upset and unstable it made me feel. Tumblr should be a place where I can voice my opinion on something I am passionate about without all this hate. I literally have no other place. Right now, irl, I got dragged into drama (not mine, I swear, I was just a witness and got pulled into the mess) with my honor society, and the girl who started it all is trying to pit the entire organization against me. I can't post anything on my finsta, and God forbid I even tried to post anything in Facebook. (Not like I would). I am already in a very dark place mentally and emotionally because of the trauma this is putting me through, and how unwanted, useless and disgusting everybody is making me feel. I shouldn't be getting that from strangers who just decided to make my life even more miserable on top of it. Legitimately, out of the 30-40 comments/asks/replies/submissions I recieved, only one person even tried to realize where I was coming from or to educate me on what I had done wrong or missed in my analysis. But some of their wording just mirrored all the hate l had recieved, or even other things I had been told in real life that just made me cry even harder and I still can't bring myself to reply to even the person who was civil. My one big point to anyone who sees this is (besides don't be a dick/cyber bully/create and stir up unnecessary discourse) is don't assume that people don't know what they're talking about? Or don't assume that they are fake fans? And don't make people spell every letter of their opinion out for you in a 12 page thesis if it doesn't comply with the tumblr norm. Cuz here are some fun facts about me that I don't normally publicize / post about on tumblr: Yes, I am an anime fan, but Jesus Christ I love/am a huge fan of WAY more than I am in the fandom for. I am honestly only in like 4-5 anime fandoms. Same thing goes for other things I like, such as Harry Potter or marvel. I can like things, A LOT, and be passionate about them without being in the fandom. That doesn't mean I don't like it or I'm not knowledgable on the subject. That doesn't mean that I am an idiot for not knowing a fact/opinion/theory that has made its way around the fandom, that I'm not a part of. YES, I am a HUGE SPORTS FAN. It was legitimately also my fucking career (as a sports reporter/journalist/broadcaster). Do I post on tumblr about Baseball or Football or Hockey? Almost never. Does that make me any less of a fan, or does that make me any less knowledgeable about teams and rules? No. Does that mean that I didn't play/participate in almost every sport growing up? (baseball for 6 years, I still play Intermural football, tennis for 3 years, volleyball for 4, soccer for 1, swimming for like 5 years, I tried track, even karate and some other random stuff.) YES, I AM FUCKING KNOWLEDGABLE ABOUT PERFORMANCE SPORTS. I have participated/competed/trained/still watch almost every kind of performance sport. Of course color guard and marching band has been the longest, and the thing I was best at (7 years), but I grew up doing all kinds of dance and I still do lots of dance, as well as TONS of my own choreography. I've done baton and cheer for about 1-2 years each too. I did gymnastics for 4 years — was I very good? hell no. But do I know about it and appreciate it? Yes. SAME THING GOES FOR FIGURE SKATING. I only had like half a years worth of lessons, and like 3 routines that I ever finished and performed with figure skating, but that is because it is an expensive af sport, and I had way more activities and sports that I was better at, more passionate about learning, and were more accessible. BUT did I grow up going to figure skating shows like Disney on Ice or Stars on ice? Did that stop me from waiting in line for hours to get Michelle Kwan and other famous figure skaters autographs? No. Did that stop me from watching almost every single minute of the 2014 and 2010 Olympics? No. Do I still remember watching parts of the 2006 Olympics with my parents and absolutely being ENTHRALLED and wanting to do that too? YES. I still remember watching the 2014 Olympics from my aunt's house when I was staying on a cot in her living room because my mother was in the hospital and CRYING when I saw Y* H* perform, break world records, and win the gold. It was a sense of normalcy and awe because everything else going wrong in my life didn't matter while I was watching these amazing athletes perform. And GUESS WHAT, since I'm not really a part of the Figure Skating fandom (just like I'm not in the musical theatre fandom, or in anything regards to hair or makeup) I don't post about my own hype or plans regarding how excited I am for things to come out. So nobody here on tumblr, or almost ANYONE knew how excited I was for this upcoming Grand Prix season for the first actual competition of the Olympic season. I watched almost every challenger series video, as well as the autumn winter classic and competitions of the like. Even the JGPF events in anticipation. But guess what: I literally have a note on my phone that has all of Team USA's competition schedules, and their scores that they have gotten so far (like at the COR), along with a list of my favorite international skaters, and other new skaters to watch. I was so hype, so excited, and I thought that maybe, since figure skating had boomed in popularity, thanks in part to YOI (but also, helped people be more vocal and open about how much they love the sport even if ex already did) I would be able to discuss the excitement with other people. But no. Instead of being able to say "omg I'm so excited for blah blah blah, I hope they make the Olympic team. But I also love this show concept and this other persons costume, and you also can't count out blah blah blah" and being civil with conversation among other fans... They instead will say " wow you like blah blah blah? But you said this about them, and that offends me so you're wrong, and you forgot this tiny detail from 3 years ago, and you like anime so you OBVIOUSLY only care about figure skating because of YOI. Take your bandwagon fan bullshit away from me and go kill yourself". So now, I am staying the fuck away from the figure skating fandom, I've literally left half of my choreography untouched for almost 2-3 months, don't want to read/finish any of my YOI fanfics, and will probably even have a hard time watching Skate Can this weekend (even though like 6 of my favorite skaters are competing, and I was so excited before). Guess I'll just have to annoy my snapchat friends with videos of skating and me screaming because of skating. Fuck you tumblr, and I doubt I'll make any more original posts outside of APO planning and reblogs in the foreseeable future,

[geejae42]

Liked on YouTube: Lady Leshurr - On The Road https://youtu.be/jNnwmrhllKg Taken off my new project "UNSTABLE" dropping early 2018, 'On The Road' is a cool laid back vibe which most are not used to from me. I want you guys to get to know me more through my music which I've never really let anyone do before. Hope you enjoy. ***LYRICS BELOW*** Producer: Chinoo Young Shot & Edited by Romeo & Fils Director: Adem Boutlidja & Sam Olaechea Stylist: Iza Soucy ***LYRICS*** Verse 1 Get as much money as you can whilst you're poppin' cus it doesn't last forever Record label on my back they want me to deliver I'm not good with pressure Mommy told me take it slow cus I'm always on the road I said never I got bags under my eyes man it's no surprise I ain't talking leather Going off just like a sweater Feeling lighter than a feather They were tearing me apart Had to pull myself together Had to pull up in the whip Looking like a bag a treasure If I learnt one thing here then it's never mix business with pleasure I was surrounded by enemies Thoughts were clouded by the jealousy I had Judas in my circle Jesus Christ was even telling me Sleepless nights is all I ever seen Seen the signs just like a memory They were changing on me like a melody Switch the food of thought and changed the recipe yeah yeah Chorus When I'm on the road yeah x2 If you ain't involved yeah You gotta go yeah yeah When I'm on the road yeah x2 I'm bout the doe yeah So I'm out the door yeah yeah Verse 2 Don't forget my coat yeah Respect the code yeah Ring up the big bro yeah Davina McCall yeah yeah I ain't gonna stall yeah Slip into 4th gear Really sick of people saying oh yeah This gone be your year yeah Should've been mine a long time ago A fairytale a long time ago There ain't no telling where I'm a go Nothing's sweet like a pineapple My best friend tried to stab me My best friend hacked me Figures...cus she was from HACKney I spent my days in the East They wasn't faithful to me They'd get to waking and baking and bake up the cake and be selfish and eat it It's hard remaining the same when all you know is snakes greedy greedy greedy They was looking at me like a freebie freebie freebie really really really believe me CHORUS When I'm on the road yeah x2 If you ain't involved yeah You gotta go yeah yeah When I'm on the road yeah x2 I'm bout the doe yeah So I'm out the door yeah yeah

[asegbolu]

The origin, essence and spiritual implication of valentine day

THE ORIGIN, ESSENCE AND SPIRITUAL IMPLICATIONS OF VALENTINE DAY:* During the third century, an oppressive Roman Emperor called Emperor Claudius II had made it a capital punishment (death) to worship and serve Christ. He had decreed the Romans to serve and worship his gods, and deprived the young Roman soldiers of getting married. But an elderly Christian had stood his ground for his faith and had insisted on serving Jesus Christ and preaching the love of God to the young soldiers. This was considered treason against the government. He was arrested, sentenced to death and jailed. In the last weeks of his life in the prison, the jailer (prison commander) who observed that he was very learned and possessed very good Christian character, brought his blind daughter to him to be giving her lessons. He taught her about God and told her many Roman histories and stories from the Bible. He taught her the love of God. The blind girl got so used to the elderly Christian prisoner. On his last night he left a note for Julia, the blind girl, encouraging her to love God and serve Him. And in ending the note, he wrote: "From your Valentine". His death sentence was carried out the next day, February 14, 270 A.D. *The name of this martyr was Valentinus*, a man who died for standing for the Preaching of the Christ and teaching people about the love of God. So, for his love for God, he was regarded as 'Saint'. Archaeologists have unearthed a Roman catacomb; an ancient church dedicated to Saint Valentine. During 496 AD, the Pope marked February 14 as celebration in honor of his martyrdom. *February 14, is known as Valentine Day. But the essence of Valentine Day historically was a celebration in honor of the martyrdom of a devoted preacher, Valentinus, who stood on his faith in Christ against the devilish idolatry decrees of a Godless Emperor.* *He preached Christ to the Roman soldiers and spread the love for God and humanity when it was a crime to do so. The day he was martyred was declared "Valentine Day". February 14, 270 AD.* However, the devil has rewritten history today. All over the world, the history has successfully been erased and rewritten the way the devil wanted. The reason for the DAY has been blotted out from people's memory and a minor aspect of the whole story had been blown beyond proportion. The little card note Valentinus had left behind for Julia, her young beloved convert, whom she taught, preached to and prayed for, had ended with: "From Your Valentine". *On February 14, in the year 270.AD, somebody died for Christ and is now in Heaven, but on February 14, 2017, several people will die spiritual death.* The Destinies of several young men and girls will be aborted that day, because the devil had changed the reason for the Valentine Day celebrations. He had rubbed off living and dying for Christ and replaced it with living and dying on the bed of immorality. That day, many young girls and ladies will give their virginity away for a gift of phones, ipads, bags, clothes, and even valueless gifts as little as chocolate, sweet, fried chickens and plates of pepper-soup and salad. By the evening of this year Feb 14, demons of fornication and adultery will invade our streets and storm our night clubs and hotels to take register of those who are dying soon of STDs, including new candidates who are going to contact HIV and AIDS. On Feb 14 this year, forces of evil are coming down on adulterated Valentine Day to possess people with the spirit of Rape and drug abuse. Imagine the amount of pregnancy preventive drugs and materials that shall be sold. Harlots will sell that day. There will be Christian backsliders that day....BECAUSE SOME GLORIOUS DESTINIES WILL BE ABORTED ON VALENTINE DAY. *The story of Reuben, Genesis 35:21-22a:* 21. Then Israel journeyed and pitched his tent beyond the tower of Eder. 22. And it happened, when Israel dwelt in that land, that Reuben went and lay with Bilhah his father's concubine; and Israel heard about it. A strange spirit came upon Reuben, the first born of Jacob, and he went and slept with his father's young wife. Israel heard about it and said nothing. Nothing was heard about it again for many years, and we never heard that Reuben asked for forgiveness or repented or became sober about it and the matter died just like that. Really? So many events came over it, nobody mentioned it again. He went with the rest of Jacob's children to Egypt; he saw the glories of Egypt. He was welcomed into the palace of Joseph and ate with him in the royal palace. He grew and had many children and everything was going fine for him till the day their father would say the last prayers for them and give them his final decree. At the point of death, whatever he said was final for life. He gathered them together for the final blessing and began to bless them all. But he began with Reuben, the first son, who was to be the heir who should carry the highest blessings among the children. The record was opened to his long forgotten atrocity. He thought it had been swept under the carpet. He thought he was smart and he had had a simple fun. But his father opened his mouth for his final blessing and said: Gen. 49:3-4 (NKJV) 3. "Reuben, you are my firstborn, My might and the beginning of my strength, The excellency of dignity and the excellency of power. 4. Unstable as water, you shall not excel, Because you went up to your father's bed; Then you defiled it—He went up to my couch. Though he was the beginning of Jacob's strength, he was supposed to be an epitome of Excellency of dignity and power. He was to be naturally blessed and was born to be a man of natural dignity and power, but....HIS DESTINY WAS ABORTED the day he had "fun" with his father's young wife. So, his own verdict was: *"You shall not Excel"* from a man who was anointed to proclaim a final verdict on the Sons of Israel. Reuben was destined to be a royal dignified personality above his siblings, but for that single night of 'fun' with that woman. Many people will have a lot of lustful funs on Feb 14, and wake up Feb 15 morning as normal, but the truth is: long after a very hot pressing iron had been disconnected from the power source; it would still be hot for a while, until it begins to grow cold. Some power cable would be disconnected from the power source of some people on Feb 14. Some young men and women will place their entire life virtues and destinies in the hand of marine agents that night. Feb 14 evening is a 'Night of Fun', when many men and ladies will slaughter their destinies on the bed of lustful pleasure. By Feb 15 morning it is done! Destiny Auctioned to a young man or a lady whose future has been mortgaged to the devil. If Joseph had had a fun with Potiphar's wife, he would never have got to the palace to see the type of Glory he saw. He escaped that trap which would have aborted his destiny on which so many lives in Egypt and Canaan land, including the lives of his generation unborn depended upon. There is a great story in *Proverbs 7:6-27*. It is a sad story of a young man on his own "Valentine Night". He had thought he wanted to have a fun that night, he had thought he wanted to enjoy himself, but crashed his future in a night of fun. *Proverbs 7:21-23* 21. With her enticing speech she caused him to yield, With her flattering lips she seduced him. 22. Immediately he went after her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, Or as a fool to the correction of the stocks, 23. Till an arrow struck his liver. As a bird hastens to the snare, He did not know it would cost his life. I beg every child of God reading this post to send it to their loved ones especially all those whom they know have not known the true meaning of Valentine Day so that their destinies could be preserved for their glorious future. Dear brethren, Please let's post this write up to our young ones to guide them in escaping the devil's traps on Valentine's Day and pray that the power of God will prevail against the desires of the devil. May The Lord bless us as we preach the true meaning of the DAY which the devil has bastardized. BEWARE! !!

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