#'it's about how ray loves mew desperately but won't make a move because -' yeah

[distant-screaming]

Ray is sooo funny. Mew interacts with another guy for three (3) seconds and he's gearing up for a fight. Said guy starts hitting on Mew and Ray gets so blackout drunk he can't even get home. He's so dramatic I love him

[heretherebedork]

Mew trying to claim he truly loves Ray and Yo calling him out on that as directly as she can as a stranger and an outsider... yeah. Yeah. Seriously. No one buys it Mew, even if you're trying to convince yourself you do.

You won't kiss him without using him to make Top jealous. You pull away in private and you admit that you're only thinking about yourself.

The word love being thrown around with them and between them and I am in agony over how much and how little they care for each other at the same time.

I hope Mew can recognize that he doesn't truly love Ray and is using his friend. I hope Ray can realize that he's hurting the people he loves by trying to have it all at the same time because he can't. I hope Top can figure out a way to move past all of this. I hope Sand can find freedom and joy.

The hardest part is that Mew doesn't love Ray and Ray doesn't love Mew but they're clinging to the love that might have been, could have been, because neither one of them knows how to keep moving past the idea of heartbreak.

Mew went directly from Top to Ray but won't admit he's a replacement and a rebound because he's his friend and he doesn't want to believe he's so capable of hurting him while Ray is deeply and desperately in love with Sand but cannot face that means he doesn't love Mew the same way any longer because Mew saved him and facing the loss of that love and the changing of the guard is a risk and a fear he doesn't know how to process.

Mew is using Ray's love but admitting he is would involve facing the person he's becoming in his attempt to escape pain. Ray is an addict trying desperately to escape himself and he cannot even begin to see his own feelings despite what he thinks of Sand.

(Ray knows he's being used and he wanted to be okay with it but the more he experiencing the world outside of his relationship with Mew, the more he finds other people to rely on, the more he's pushing at boundaries and the more he's freaked out by is own reactions. He wants Sand to punch him, he wants to be punished so he can stop feeling guilty but he doesn't stop doing things that make him feel that way because he doesn't know any other way to be.)

Ray is hurting so many people because he doesn't know how to let go. Because once he makes a connection he's terrified of losing anyone that has chosen to be in his life because why would anyone choose to be in his life? Ray hurts people because he knows, in the end, he'll be hurt and he's trying to selfishly, desperately, put it off... even knowing he can't.

He's going to cause so much pain and chaos trying to delay his own.