#'im going to change my name to leaf in 2 years' im going to cry

[yourcomputerr]

reading my lil diary from like 2018-2022 (i was really bad at writing in it) & i just read a note from 2022 saying "i'm going to change my name to Leaf in 2 years" GIRL HELLO??? YEASSSSSS PERMISSION FROM MY 16 YEAR OLD SELF HELL YEAH

[antpelts]

multiples of 1 for the wc asks :]

;;;; jgfdlkgjdl puts this under a cut bc itll be so long but,, ty

1. what color is scourge’s collar?

i think like.. idk i never really cared too much but my brain always went to red or purple i wasnt picky tho fkgkdfklgj

2. top 5 the prophecies begin characters

oh.. okay like.. im not gonna go thru everything otherwise i probably wouldnt be able to pick but! these also arent in order

1. bluestar absolutely.. god i love her sm;; ive already rambled about her to you but she makes me fucking ache sm 2. brackenfur/thornclaw gonna put these boys together here because like i liked both of them for.. almost no reason? FDGDFGDF idk!! i think i liked thornclaw just a bit more but.. my boys!! 3. cinderpelt ... no explanation required <3 no just.. yeah ;_; i cry over her so much just.. like.. the tragedy to like her accepting and loving herself and becoming an amazing med cat and and ;;;;;;;;; i love her 4. tallstar and crookedstar..... leaders of my two fav clans.... need i say more <3 (ive also told you about these two and why i like them ;; both their books made me cry) 5. barley and ravenpaw ...... yeah ;_; <3

special mention for littlecloud and runningnose.. i loved them-- OKAY I NEED TO STOP IM AT WAY MORE THAN FIVE

3. should hollyleaf have had a power?

i say no!! the fucking.. tragedy of it all.. like its been a while since i read but fuck dude the like.. feelings of uselessness that must come with that but like shes a fucking complete cat either way and when she comes back and fucking sAVES IVYPOOL OH IM MAKING MYSELF TEAR UP shes AMAZING and did not need a power

4. millie or silverstream?

both! ;_; they dont need to fight. tho i think i did like silverstream more at first i dont think i ever hated millie like others

5. favorite forbidden romance

oh god lmao gonna only go with canon stuff [side eyes moth/leaf] buttttttt i mean ;; bluestar and oakheart ;; itll always make me ache yknow.. -- WAIT CAN I ADD CLOUDTAIL AND BRIGHTHEART TO FAV CATS TOO ILL CRY OVER THEM SOBS... -- uhhhhhh i never super liked leaf/crow just.. shrugs. ig it wasnt forbidden but stormfur staying with the tribe for brooke.. ;;;;;;; and to stay where feathertail died.. GOD ;_; yeah.. idk does tall/jake count ;;;

6. favorite sss warriors design

tbh i didnt really watch sss warriors but we love a nice just.. orange boy firestar :3

7. realistic or sparkle designs for roleplay?

its about balance........ ive had both! i liked leaning towards realistic but to this day id say i fall between like.. not realistic wrt genetics but making designs that Seem plausible at least

8. first deviantart username

oh god i dont remember prolly something like.. with mossmask in it

9. favorite crack ship (ex. revengeshipping)

it.. Was revenge shipping but like i never knew the crack ships klfgjkfdlgj :sob: yeah tgat was the only one i like ever saw so

10. describe your first warriors oc

technically.. jaymoss who i dont remember much? gray tabby? very quickly was revamped into/replaced by mossmask who to this day is who i consider my first oc and sona.. theyre a calico :3

11. favorite amv prior to 2014?

oh god ill have to look.. hm okay so.. bones shatter was a fucking CLASSIC i loved it okay.. so off the top of my head here we go.. the one firegray one of course and bonus this firegray one too klfdgjdklfg AND I LOVED THIS ONE FUCKING ASHFUR FAIRYTALE i wanted to have art like that for a few months i tried to emulate it lkjgldkfgj and god i loved duckfeatherz stuff.. the why did you change one... AND THE SWIFT AND BRIGHT ONE FDGJDFLGK FUCKING [SCREAMING CAT] GOD I LOVED IT.. ;;;;; fuckin.. god.. they ..... ;; [IM WATCHING IT RN FUCKING THEY AND NOSTALGIA ILL CRY] okay okay fucking of course obligatory [what if ashfur wanted to break] of course god 9 year old me loved it.. kfdjgkdfg OH AND THIS ONE BROUGHT BACK SO MANY MEMORIES IMMEDIATELY.. SCOURGES FLAWED DESIGN YES KDLSFJSDKL and god.. ashfurs hurt.. i watched this so much the voice acting in amvs god yes... I STILL THINK OF THIS SONG AT RANDOM EVEN THO I NEVER LISTENED TO IT OUTSIDE OF THIS VIDEO!!!! THE FUCKING LKJFLKFJGDLKG !!!!!!! AHHHHHH fucKING AHH [HELP ME HELP YOU] [IT HURTS WHEN UR LONELY AND IM STANDING RIGHT BESIDE YOU AND IT HURT WHEN YOU TOLD M--] [ITS JUST A MATTER OF HOW MUCH U LET IT SLIDE!!!!!!!!] [HOPE U NEVER HURT HOPE YA NEVER CR--] GHFGHFG GOD ;;;; like i hate ashfur being a bitch but i loveddddd this amv :sob: also.. leafpool is sober of crowfeather i ;;; this song gets me to this day also i viscerally remember the voice acting god kljfg i loved this one so much.. i still think of tigerclaw is not one of thunderclan sometimes too klfjgdfg and,, okay

i hate to pick a favorite but i feel like this one changed the trajectory of Me...... like ive always loved the song but this amv cemented it as like one of my songs of all time and i loved the designs and video and... literally i love this one so.... of course... ashfur - mr brightside.. my fucking BELOVED

12. is brambleclaw a good main character?

i read the books like so young i hear he got shittier? like.. i liked him when i was like.. 10-13 reading the books i liked all the journey cats tbh so

13. rank the clans (excluding skyclan, including bloodclan)

windlcan/riverclan shadowclan thunderclan bloodclan

in my opinion <3

14. dovewing or ivypool?

i like.. liked ivypool a lot.. maybe related to her <3 but.. i like them both a lot up to where i read at Least

15. daisy: yay or nay?

i liked her!

16. did you ever use fanart as your pc wallpaper?

yes. including my own <3

17. what would your warrior name be and what clan would you belong to?

mossmask <3 of course <3 [rolling eyes] half clan river and windclan kljgdfklgj yeah.. could never pick.. honestly i mean.. shadowclan grew on me recently but in my mind.. mixed clan and it goes between whether moss would be wind or river

18. favorite medicine cat? (cutoff being oots)

ughhhh idk i liked a lot of em ;; runningnose cinderpelt brambleberry yellowfang.... thats without looking it up so <3

19. did you name/want to name a pet after a character?

i wanted to! never did.. still might name a cat moss in honor of mossmask

20. swiftpaw, gorsepaw, or shrewpaw?

swiftpaw.. like i dont remember the other two as much in my mind and swiftpaw really got to me as a kid ;;

[scoundrels-in-love]

Tagged by sweet @aviss a whole week ago, but to be fair, I’ve worked 6 out of 7 of these days, so I have Excuse.

What is the colour of your hairbrush? Black with slate blue back. Name a food you never eat: Raw meat and some seafood, like oysters. No snails, everrr. Are you typically too warm or too cold? Too cold, tooo fucking cold. Or way too hot. Almost no in-between ever. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? On brink of crying, grief reasons. I think. What is time? What’s your favourite candy bar? Don’t have one, whoops. Have you ever been to a professional sports game? No, not really inclined to go either. What was the last thing you said out loud? Thank you, have a peaceful evening to cashier at the store. I never wish good one, because idk, it’ll be good if it’s peaceful, and then you can go home sooner where it can be Good. What is your favourite ice cream? Don’t make me choose, literally changes to whatever I’m eating at the moment right now. Though anything with mangoes always own... And that raspberry one straight out of my childhood that used to be favorite... Mmm. What was the last thing you had to drink? Skyr yogurt drink with salted caramel flavor. Do you like your wallet? Yes, but the little leaf cut-outs have worn through and look shabby now so I am waiting for a new one, but with pandemic, it’s in transit for some fucking 3 months now. What was the last thing you ate? Fresh cabbage and carrot salad Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? Not weekend, exactly, but last day off, yes... What’s the last sporting event you watched? Good question. Winter Olympics 2018 skating stuff? Might’ve been sports dancing championship in same year, later. Not sure. What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? Mm, haven’t really tried any of them. Don’t have option to make it at home, buying at cinema is waaay too expensive. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? My avon contact, more than a month ago, whoops. Ever go camping? No, but I’d like to, with right company. Do you take vitamins? Yeah, a whole bunch, by doctor’s orders. Do you go to church every Sunday? Oh nooo. Do you have a tan? I am few, barely noticeable shades darker in scaling pattern on my arms from last summer, but no real tan and sunshine is a myth this spring & as is free time so I wouldn’t have time to even try for one. (not that if I ever do.) Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? Never had Chinese food, it’s just not a thing here in my town at least, so pizza (which is recent try-out too) wins by default. Do you drink your soda through a straw? Soda? Nooo. What colour socks do you usually wear? Black, almost black gray or blue will do, too. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? This queer can’t drive. What terrifies you? Thought of being unlovable at my very foundations, of only bringing unhappiness to others. Of not leaving anything behind. That I will always struggle like this. Heights. Look to your left. What do you see? Bottle of aforementioned yogurt drink. What chore do you hate most? All of them, but anything that gets my asthma acting up via dust is the worst. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? Hmm, nothing in particular? What’s your favourite soda? Fanta. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? Again, can’t drive so drive-thrus don’t apply, but I’ve sworn off fast food places anyway now and didn’t frequent them often as is. What’s your favourite number? 9. Who’s the last person you talked to? Cashier at the store. Or my co-workers before that. Favourite cut of beef? I don’t even know them or the differences. Last song you listened to? Red Moon by Kim Woo Seok. Last book you read? Sword of Destiny by Andrzej Sapkowski Favourite day of the week? Whichever fucking day I have OFF work. Can you say the alphabet backwards? No, no I don’t think so. How do you like your coffee? Bold of you to assume I like it at all. But black, maybe some sugar. I’ve had plain coffee with milk I enjoyed exactly once, I will never know what magic he used. If I have to go for coffee on enjoyment level, then something fancier like pistacchio or peppermint latte or moccachino. Favourite pair of shoes? Either my trusty, ancient leather sandals or my trust, old winter boots. Time you normally get up? On my own? Not before 10. Sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets. How many blankets are on your bed? One regular, 2 throw ones. Describe your kitchen plates. Mismatched and well worn from varying decades. Describe your kitchen at the moment. You don’t want to know. Do you have a favourite alcoholic drink? Apple cider. Raspberry beer is also nice and Moscatel wine gets stamp of approval. Do you play cards? Nooo. What colour is your car? In my dreams? Purple. Do you know how to change a tire? Nope. Your favourite state? Michigan, for frivolous reasons. Favourite job you’ve had? None. How did you get your biggest scar? Being beyond exhausted after work around midnight, coughing my lung out with what turned out to be acute bronchitis 3 days later, and trying to peel ginger with new and sharp knife. Sliced top of my left thumb right open, almost all the way to muscle and got 4 stitches, though you can see marks of only 3 now clearly.

Tagging @it-may-be-dull-but-im-determined @nire-the-mithridatist and whoever else would like to do it, but has not. <3

[lowsodiumfreaks67]

Some questions are difficult to answer

Sorry Iv been a little m.i.a bit I got a little something for y’all.

a/n : for some unknown reason this piece does not look right on tumblr mobile so I apologize in advance if its difficult to read, I also uploaded it to my wattpad if you want to read it there instead. @obsessionunhealthy 

Summary : Its your first Supernatural convention of the year in Nashville because Seattle got Con-blocked. You’re joining your husband Jensen and your costar Jared for your first panel together when a fan asks a question that brings back some memories. 

Warnings : Talks of attempted suicide.

Word Count : 1806

More chapters will be posted as soon as I get time :) xx

"Ladies and gentlemen please welcome to the stage the Winchesters, Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles and his wife the wonderful Mrs Y/N Ackles"

Richards voice rang loudly through the speakers as you made your way up the stairs and through the curtain to the stage, you were greeted by loud cheering and whooping from the audience, Richard and Rob welcomed you all with warm hugs and wished you good luck, you waited until Louden Swain had finished playing Carry on my wayward son before you raised your mic to speak.

" What's up Nashville " you all shouted into the mics at the same time making the crown cheer even louder than before.

" Wow y'all are loud " you said with a massive smile on your face, you turned to Jensen.

" Howdy y'all, it's good to be back, I do love me some Nashville "

Jared then raised his mic " How you guys doing today? Any first timers? " a lot of people in the audience cheered loudly making all three of you look at each other surprised.

" Really y'all have never been to a supernatural convention, this is your first one ? " you asked making them cheer again.

" How long have we been doing this ?" Jensen asked still in shock

" 14 years " Jared answered quietly " 14 years " Jensen got up from his seat a little and shouted into his mic " 14 YEARS "

" Some of you guys were only 2 when the show started so that's understandable " you said as you looked out across the audience before someone shouted from the back " I was only born " you jumped from your seat in shock and walked to the edge of the stage

" You were what, how old are you ? "

" I'm 14 "

" Your 14 oh my gosh WE'VE BEEN DOING THIS YOUR WHOLE LIFE" Jensen exclaimed.

“ When were you born ? “ you asked

" I was born in January " she answered

" January what ? " Jared asked

" January 25th "

" Two thousand and ? " Jensen trailed off trying to work it out

" Five " she answered back

All three of your dropped your mics in shock, Jared and Jensen slumped into their chairs whilst you just dropped to the ground at the front of the stage and lay there, the audience erupted into laughter and cheers.

" We’re so old " you said into your mic dramatically without moving making the audience laugh even harder.

" So you're what a freshman in high school ? "

" Yeah that's right "

" Oh my god freshman in high school, that's mind boggling " you sighed from the ground

“ I can drive too “ she shouted

" You can already drive ? " Jensen asked before turning to Jared and shouted " IT DRIVES "

" Alright alright calm down " Jared chuckled placing a hand on Jensen's shoulder

" Fun fact he still can't drive " Jensen stated matter of factly whilst looking out at the girl and pointed at Jared

" And I still got 22 years on ya " Jared said mockingly but then began to fake cry as Jensen pulled him into a side hug, the audience was laughing loudly at your guys reaction at this.

" Oh my god we gotta change the subject im not liking this " you said as you got back up from the floor and walked back to your seat. Jared turned his seat to face the right side of the stage " Yeah lets get some questions going, hey there " he said to the young girl at the left of the stage waiting with a mic " Hello everyone I just wanted to ask if there has there been anything embarrassing or funny happen on set recently ? " you let out a small chuckle and spoke first " Well I kicked Jared's ass last week whilst playing with Tom and Shep last week, all i'll say is that I a woman and 2 kids managed to pin him down whilst Odette attempted to give him a wedgie, Gen videoed thing I’ll get her to post it for you guys, that must have been a pretty big kick to the ego " the audience laughed as you blew a kiss in Jared's direction.

The rest of the panel went on like this, you guys making fun of each other, telling stories, making jokes and having tremendous fun with the audience, it wasn't long before it was time for the last question, you finally stopped laughing after Jared finished his story about the train in Europe and turned to face the girl standing to the left of the stage.

Now you were in front of her you could see her face was soaked with tears and she was shaking like a leaf, you pulled her into a tight hug and whispered in her ear " Its okay honey, what's the matter? "

" I uh um I just got a little overwhelmed sorry I wasn’t expecting to be chosen for a question, I just wanted to thank you guys for everything you've done for me this past year " you pulled away slightly but still held her arms, " What's your name ? "

" Its Gabriela but everyone calls me Gabby "

" Well Gabby i'm very pleased you’re here with us and that this massive family has helped you through a tough time and as Jared would say Always Keep Fighting because it will all be some sort of okay someday "

" Thank you so much, may I ask you how it is that you keep a positive mindset even when going through tough times ? "

You pulled her in for another tight hug before heading back up onto the stage, Jared handed you your mic as you sat back down between the boys again.

" Alright sorry about that guys, the wonderful Gabby has asked how it is that I keep a positive mindset even when things are tough and if i'm being honest it's pretty damn hard to stay positive sometimes, just like everyone else I do have days where I just don't feel happy, I’m run down or i'm feeling super unmotivated but I get through those days with the help of my friends and family, both on set and here with you guys " the crowd cheered loudly as you turned to Jensen and Jared who were both smiling at you gently.

" Surround yourself with those you love and who make you happy, shutting yourself away and pushing those people away can be the worst thing you could ever do, I did that and it was quite possibly the worst decision of my life, that and the haircut I had during season 4 I mean what was I thinking " you joked making the audience chuckle a little before they quietened down again.

" About 7 years ago I went through a pretty tough time and instead of speaking up and accepting the help that was right there in front of me, I suffered in silence and that led to my mental state getting so out of control that one day when I got home I broke down completely as soon as my front door shut, it had been a good day on set, the scenes weren't too hard and everything went smoothly but inside my head I was fighting a losing battle, so I just I locked myself in my flat and turned my phone off, I shut out the outside world completely " the crowd was eerily silent as they listened to you speak, you could even see a few people in the front row with tears in their eyes, taking a deep breath to calm yourself you started back into your story.

" Uh no one but Jared, Jensen and Erik Kripke know what happened that night but that was the night I tried to take my own life " you let out a shaky breath when you heard a few people in the audience gasp, Jensen wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you into his side as Jared grabbed your free hand and squeezed it then held it between his two large warm hands as you continued.

" I had forgotten that these two were coming over to run lines for the episode ' A little slice of Kevin ', I wasn’t answering the door or my phone so they decided to break down my front door Winchester style, I’m about to get a tiny bit graphic here but when they charged into my apartment they found me lying on my bathroom floor covered in and lying in a puddle of my own blood, they got me to the hospital in time for doctors to save my life, I will always thank Chuck for putting these two Idjits on this earth " a few of the audience members chuckled whilst others awed when you leaned up and kissed Jensen gently then reached over and pulled Jared into a tight hug.

" Okay so the lesson you should take from that is that you need to wake up positive, never go to sleep angry with anyone because you never know what could happen, try not to worry about what might go wrong in the day, focus on what will go right no matter how small it may be whether it be going out for lunch with a friend or grabbing a coffee with someone you haven't seen for awhile, remember you never fail at anything, you just gain experience and knowledge you can use to help in a future situation " you pulled yourself from the boys and got up and walked to the front of the stage.

" Y'all I want everyone here to know that there will always going to be someone out there who is going to listen to whatever it is you have to say and if right now you don't know who that person it then come to me, my email is on my Instagram and twitter, you guys can send me private messages, I even have a P.O box if you'd like to write me a letter, i'll always be here to support you guys no matter what and i'll always try my best to help you in anyway that I know how " the crowd cheered and clapped as you made your way off the stage back to Gabby.

" Thank you so much for coming and asking your question today, if you ever need someone to vent or talk to then drop me a message and i'll try help the best I can " you wrapped your arms around her in a tight hug before heading back on stage which was now occupied by Richard and Louden Swain.

Jensen met you at the end of the stage and extended his hand to you to guide you back up the stairs as Jared spoke to everyone, " Thank you so much everyone for coming out, sorry if we bored you too much with our stories, well see y'all later on " the audience cheered and clapped as you guys waved before exiting the stage whilst Louden Swain played Your Love by The Outfield.

[mommydragon-of-all]

OC Interview Meme

This looks fun. Also some answers drastically differ depending on around what time this "interview” takes place. So i got thinking and since I was tagged by@sakurabunnie who’s getting to know my pre-inquisition Soren, i choose to time this before Inquisition. Then i was tagged by dear @hadiden-lavellan too, but by then i was halfway through his post, and hey why not, some looking back :) Thank you both!!!! :3333

For Soren (Lavellan):

1. What is your name?

“A lot of people have called me by a lot of names. You can call me Soren.”

2. What is your real name?

“It is actually Soren. Yep, just Soren. I lost my original belonging and i didnt take any of my families surnames. Not permanently nor in any way official.”

3. Do you know why you were called that?

“Oh well, my parents wanted a pair of short and strong names that ring together, even if they had to get a bit creative. Also, as i learned, a pair of names that can be lilted and growled equally well haha “

4. Are you single or taken?

“i am free like a bird. Does your nest have some extra space on a cold night by the way?”

5. Have any abilities or powers?

“Im a highly trained assassin, among … other things. If you ever get in trouble… *slides over a strange little object* flash this around the shady parts of any city. They will take care of the rest. But for your lives sake, do not try to lie”

6. Stop being a Mary Sue.

“ I dont think i ever used that alias… “

7. What’s your eye color?

“Oohhh you are welcome to gaze into them closer, yes ;) no low light excuses, they have their own, so just lean over… “

8. How about your hair color?

“ Oh yes that is harder to tell in different lights. Its dark red, like good wine or blood from the liver .”

9. Have you any family members?

“ I have tons. If you meant blood relation… other than my twin sister i have some distant family. Literally distant even, like few and far between, out in the world. Some of us exchange awesome birthday gifts some years though, regardless of the exact date. Who has time to time that. “

(Scattered by the wind, but firmly standing like the trees)

10. Oh? What about pets?

“ Sadly animals are deadly afraid of me. It takes just a sniff to run for dear life… Even predators… it takes a special blend of proud and crazy to befriend me it seems. I would kill for such treasures. Like that Hart i once fought for an apple in that deep forest and lately rode to far destinations… i think it starts to get even attached!!! If he sticks around im gonna call him Captain. But remember, Dont go close to him! For your dear life, please dont. He is easy to recognize. Big as a mountain and looks like “Oh, Shit”. “

(’Where to, Captain?’)

11. That’s cool I guess, now tell me about something you don’t like.

“ Those things are about to change. Or drop in numbers significantly in the world. Just wait. …as truly as i want to mean that, unfortunately some things never change. Like the darkness in people, festering hearts. There will always be things like betrayal, prejudice, hatred, discrimination, envy, greed, cruelty,... i could go on. People who mostly keep themselves above those shades of their nature are all worth to be protected.“

12. Do you have any hobbies/activities you like doing?

“ Oh there are so many awesome things in the world and so many exciting things to do! I cant even count them. Like there’s hunting dragons for one! Speaking of hunting, there is also treasure hunt and demon hunt and manhunt and wyvernhunt and countless others, the bigger and meaner the better! But then theres also MAGIC! Do you have any idea how awesome that is? Everything magic and everything it touched. Putting together and using magic objects for so many things! And spells??? Potions, lotions, weapons... And there are also PEOPLE! The most magical thing is the warm light in ones heart. And they are so various and unique! There are different languages and codes and symbols and oh the stories! And dance and music and pleasures and laughing and caring and helping and…. oh … haha… im sorry, are you awake? Please ask away. “

(’Ah, what a beautiful day!’)

13. Ever hurt anyone before?

“ I think you snoozed off and forgot about my profession already. :)  “

14. Ever… killed anyone before?

“ Hahaha oh these sharp and pointy things and stuff arent for chopping and cooking vegetables either.”

15. What kind of animal are you?

“Pfffft i am my own species! Hehe! A unique hybrid i guess! But definitely a big animal, yes. Sis’ won that argument long ago, so there you have the answer. “

16. Name your worst habits.

“Hmm? What?” (*Muffs out with one of the interviewers -already leafed through-notebooks between his sharp teeth, booth on table...*) Hey! That is… how did you… *sigh*... nevermind  

(exhibit 99: ‘”I’ll go straight there!”)

17. Do you look up to anyone at all?

“My sister, definitely. She is the best. She is indestructible in every way i swear! Gotta be the strongest person alive. She is also really cool. But hot. I mean explosive! Not that shes not hot, technically... she is my female version after all haha. And caring for me with great big sister love (*mumble*:even if i am like 5 minutes older), but dont spread that ;) Might harm her notoriety.  I also look up to several of my tutors and many other people for many different reasons. People can be so many kinds of amazing.”

18. Gay, straight, or bisexual?

“You can not expect me to label my interests in a world full of so many differently beautiful people with warm hearts.”

19. Do you go to school?

“Yes. Life. 24/7. Got less intense since i learned how to survive and sustain myself, and grew a strong body to back up my needs and will, but there are always new things to learn and lessons you never asked for too. I had some actual teachers along the way too, but lately mostly i just teach myself what i dont just encounter by diving into new things. Which is not only fun by the way, you are bound to learn a few things. Then there are books, theories, researching, digging, honing instincts and reflexes, combining and refining techniques or theories, trial and error... Life is a bottomless school “

20. Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day?

“Wow, wow, you mean like.. babies? Sweet Fade, i wouldnt dare breathe their way, they are so fragile... little young PEOPLE, persons who arrived so recently and understand so little and cant even tell whats up just cry and i cant understand them, i understand every language but i can not understand babies for my life and ... and... thats terrifying! And do you have any idea how EASY it is to kill someone? And then there is that small bundle of vulnerability, my proximity could be lethal to it! And .... *sigh*... sorry just... It all would depend on that special person i might find who would want to keep me for life, for better or worse, and if they wanted kids... even if babies, i would be on board. I would do anything for that special someone. Even learn baby care... Bigger kids, well, i already have :D . In good care. If any of them were to be taken under my constant and indirect care, would depend on a lot of things. Right now they are much safer otherwise.”

21. Do you have any fanboys/fangirls?

“Most certainly ;D.But none of them know much about me, of course. With that comes a transformation of those feelings”

22. What are you most afraid of?

‘Im not afraid of ANYTHING!” *eyes instantly betraying* “Fine, fine, gotta be loss. Ironic, isnt it, for i have but what is on my person. Replaceable come and goes. Im mostly afraid of losses that arent even really “mine”, but others. Loved ones or even barely known ones loosing their lives or their light. Loosing my sister, myself, my heart... that is all i am. The only thing i cannot live without is my heart, i AM my heart, and loosing pieces of it or have it broken or freezing through a hole... I hate how selfish that is. But yeah. There you go. I still tend to leave pieces of it everywhere, and it only grows with that, funny how that works, but it also tends to get wounded on every turn. I fear the numbing cold. I fear the day when i cant hold it together and go on anymore.”

(from “When you are away”)

23. What do you usually wear?

“What you see is my whole wardrobe, hahah. But i shift and change to blend in from the dirt of Orzammar’s dust town to the shining halls of Orlesian palaces. Its fun.  What i like to wear mostly are well covering clothes, that allow a great scale of mobility, but not baggy to catch on things. Made of high quality materials only. My clothes MUST be of great quality materials, more for comfort than durability. Heightened overall senses arent always fun. Oh and for outer wear i like leather, especially dragonskin stuff for light armor, and long boots are the only footwear i acknowledge, some with high heels, and a matching pair of long gloves from soft fine leather are necessary too. Long coats from mostly leather and all the necessary leather straps and harnesses and pouches and belt too of course. If it counts, all my current favorite necklaces with magical pendants and bracelets are a constant wear too. It also doesnt hurt if my clothes look great. But fine materials tailored to my body and my needs usually bring that effect without further touches.”

(*his gear gotta let his smooth ass move*)

24. Do you love someone?

“I love all good people. ...and some others”

25. When was the last time you wet yourself?

"Bahahahhahaa now thats some blunt question! It deserves to be answered truthfully. I wish i could say when i was a baby, but truth is i think it happened a few times during the wilder rides of intense poison training with blood magic assistance, but im not really sure, i was barely conscious through those parts from pain and all kinds of nasty sensations, i came to my senses naked and tucked in after them. I never do extreme limit pushing training alone. There were also times when i was subject to some blood spells and experiments unwilling too. I have some suspicious blurry memories that i have made all sorts of messes. Egh. Lets move on to more fun questions”

26. Well, it’s not over yet!

“Perfect!”

27. What class are you? (High class, middle class, low class)

“I live outside of such systems. But i took part in every class during my life, thanks to current families or goals.”

28. How many friends do you have?

“Plenty, but one cant have too many. Helping each other goes a long way. I tend to make some friends everywhere i go, but i have few close friends. The closest one is my sis’. She knows me more than i know myself, and she is always there for me, at any cost.”

29. What are your thoughts on pie?

“Pie? One of the most fun cakes. It was invented for throwing i swear!”

30. Favourite drink?

“Hmmmm... old, red wine, hot and seasoned, spiced with a nice kick of that special antivan poison blend. I dont recommend you trying it, but you dont know what you’re missing out.”

31. What’s your favourite place?

“Wherever i am welcome.”

(*one favorite place example. It is not Where, it is Who*)

32. Are you interested in someone?

“I am interested in everyone. Are you fishing for some special interest?”

33. What’s your bra cup size and/or how big is your willy?

“Hahahha oh you never disappoint! Well, it was a long time ago when i last i wore a bra, back when i could still pull off the young girl appearance, to get in paces and so on. I always made sure to have a proportional but quite evident bosom. Oh it was such fun, my long hair helped too, and i dished out that act spot on! Like that time in Val Royeaux, when the heads i turned waltzing in as part of a rich antivan court were spinning all around in frantic search in the chaos, while i walked right out as a male servant. Oh sorry, i got distracted. You also asked about my “willy” if i recall correctly. If you would like to measure it so badly we can discuss that later ;) “

34. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

“Hmmm.... whichever promises more sunk treasures and secrets. Some lakes hide quite the surprises let me tell you.”

(’Looks like a perfect place for some diving..’)

35. What’s your type?

“My type of what, exactly, dear? ;)”

36. Any fetishes?

“I am very flexible in many ways, let me tell you, in case you are planning to bend me to your will. And if id have some suggestions, well, let it remain a little mystery for now ;p”

37. Seme or uke? Top or Bottom? Dominant or Submissive?

“Depends. What would you like me to be?”

38. Camping or indoors?

“Nothing beats a warm bed and a well secured resting place. Especially with my... condition, and experiences”

39. Are you wanting the interview to end?

“Are you kidding me? You have such awkward, uncomfortable questions... Let me get a new round of drinks for us and lets do this till morning!” “What do you mean new round... when did this cup of hot wine get here? It has my name on it??? What the... I better go i think.”

40. Now it’s over!

“What? Oh come on, we just got to some really “embarrassing” parts! Talking about “embarrassing”, would you like to hear the story of my encounter with this qounari dreadnought captain and ended up on board to Ostwick? Maybe you can tell me some stories yourself too in exchange..” *puppy eyes+shining grin combo* “Well, im not exactly in a hurry...” “Excellent!” *shifts closer and pours more wine*

I tag @quizzikemen @pelle-lavellan @hadiden-lavellan @sakurabunnie @elalavella @nipuni and everyone who wants to do it! For those who already did this consider this a tag for another OC! Gotta love them all :D (if you feel like doing it. I always feel like reading it)

[sunyoonandstars]

In Between (BTS series) || Chapter 5

This one is based on a request made by the lovely @im-cxnfused. I hope it manages to meet your expectations! 💜

I got very inspired by this request, so it actually turned into a series which I’ll try to update as frequently as possible.

This is Chapter 5 of the (currently) ongoing series formerly known as “BTS Imagine 5: Namjoon cheating on you & you getting revenge”

I hope you all manage to find the series and its remaining chapters despite the change of name!🙏🏻

Thank you for reading 💜 and sticking to this series! It’s much appreciated! Also, feedback is always welcome, in case you didn’t know.

Enjoy!

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Chapter Index - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.1, 9.2

Synopsis

You and Namjoon are in a committed relationship. Or so you had thought. When you catch him cheating, however, you decide to take revenge in a way equally brutal. But soon the events take an unforeseen turn, leaving you torn …

Pairing: You x Namjoon, You x Jimin

angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, occasional hints of smut

******************************************************

Chapter 5 || Back To Life

Three weeks ago …

You didn’t think much of it, not having the faintest idea of the kind of effect it would have on you as you leaned over to Jimin, abandoning yourself to a spontaneous impulse, putting yours to his full, soft lips for the first time since your paths had crossed over three years ago. However, the moment they meet in a tender kiss, you can feel a strange sensation shoot through every fiber of your being, its intensity, almost painful, sending shivers down your spine. An indescribable mixture of pleasant shock, desperate longing and pure joy, going through your body like electric shocks, reviving your dormant spirits. You feel. You feel again. Him. Jimin. Like you’ve never felt him before. And you want more. You can feel Jimin freeze under your touch. As you open your eyes to look at him, his are wide with astonishment and question. Only now becoming entirely aware of what your body is doing, you pause in your movements, your lips still resting on his. „What the hell, Y/N!?“ Gasping, Jimin pushes you back, off of him, a little too hard in his surprise, causing you to almost fall off the sofa, in the very nick of time, though, reaching out to catch you by your arm, immediate guilt overshadowing his smooth features. You simply stare at him, unable to move, startled by his unexpected, violent and, as you can’t help but admit to yourself, hurtful reaction. „I’m sorry, Y/N, I didn’t mean to — But — Seriously, what the hell!?“ A sudden noise brings the two of you back to your senses, making you once again aware of the fact that you are not alone in the living room. Contritely, Jimin takes a quick glance over his shoulder at Namjoon who is still sitting in his armchair, only a few feet away, pretending to read something on his phone while repeatedly, ostentatiously clearing his throat. „What was that, Y/N? What exactly were you trying to do there?“, Jimin continues to inquire, lowering his voice to a husky whisper. „Wasn’t it obvious?“, you snap at him, shaking off Jimin’s hand that is still clutched around your shoulder to jump to your feet, turn around and head for the door, feeling tears well up in your eyes. Yeah, Y/N, what were you trying to do? You don’t even know anymore. All you know is that your concerns about Namjoon and your lust for revenge have gone up in smoke, suddenly appearing minuscule in comparison to what you felt and did just now. Guilt, shame and confusion surge in hot, dizzying waves against your consciousness, shaking it to its very foundations, threatening to overwhelm you, drown you, pulling you under deeper and deeper. You neither know nor care were your feet are carrying you as you simply keep walking, your step unsteady, your vision blurred by unshed tears and your lungs contracting painfully, your breaths short and sharp. You can hear your own heartbeat ringing loudly in your ears and a familiar voice calling out your name, the latter sound faint as if originating from another world far, far away. You just kissed Jimin. You just kissed Jimin and ruined everything. Now you lost him, too. Now you’re alone. You kissedJimin. You hurt Jimin. You hurt him! You’re a monster. A monster. So your thoughts keep spinning, pinwheeling, on and on, faster and faster, their pace quickening with the rhythm of your erratic breathing.   Until the frigid night breeze finally pulls you back to reality. Confused, you stop cold in your step, frantically looking around, trying to identify familiar buildings or landmarks or really any point of reference. To no avail. Where are you? How did you get here? How did you even get outside? Turning on the spot, clutching your aching chest, lost in the dark, you can feel a strong dizzy spell overpower you, leading your tired legs to ultimately give out under the weight of your body, the pavement closing in by the second. A choked sob escaping your throat, you plummet to the ground, the coarse texture of the flagstone painfully digging into your bare knees. But the pain is a relief, really, finally enabling your tears to fall freely, your stifled sobs echoing throughout the silent night. So you stay, kneeling on the ground, hugging yourself to protect your body against the cold, shivering, crying uncontrollably. Until you feel two soft, warm hands cupping your face. You know who they belong to without even looking. „Y/N, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I reacted in the way I did. I never meant to hurt you. I’m just —  I thought — I was surprised, that’s all.“ Slowly, reluctantly, your lids flutter open. Blinking away tears, you look up at Jimin, his soft features shimmering unreally in the cold glow of the streetlights.   His eyes overflowing with genuine affection, he fondly smiles at you, nodding reassuringly. „Are you alright now, Y/N? Can you breathe again?“ You shrug your shoulders, unable to pay attention to your own body at the moment, all of it being taken up by Jimin and your newly awoken feelings for him which still send your head spinning. „Alright, let’s see“, he simply says, his tone calm, patient, while he slowly extends a hand in order to plant it on your chest. Involuntarily, you flinch, Jimin’s touch suddenly new and strange to you, his effect on your nervous system an entirely different one than it had been before your shared kiss. Questioningly, insecure, Jimin raises an eyebrow at you, his expression, however, growing softer again as soon as he realizes that you neither pull back nor push his hand away. „It seems your heart is beating and your lungs are working just fine young Miss“, he then states, disguising his voice to sound deeper, an impish grin playing on his plump lips. „What, are you a doctor now!?“, you scoff, your voice hoarse from crying, half laughing, while Jimin helps you back to your feet.   He just smiles sheepishly, his face, however, dropping as soon as his gaze brushes past your injured knees. „Y/N!? What happened? Did you fall? You fell, right!? You’re bleeding! Does it hurt?“ „Jimin, calm down! It’s nothing! They’re barely even scratched!“ Still shaking from the cold, you look down on your sore knees, streams of blood staining your bare skin. „It’s really not that bad, Jimin …“ But he already kneels down in front of you, indicating you to get on his back. „Come on, Y/N, hop on, I’ll give you a piggyback ride“. Eagerly smiling back at you, Jimin pats his shoulder, waiting. You can feel your cheeks flush hotly in the cold night air.   „No, Jimin-ah“, you whine, covering your face with your hands and taking a step backward. „That’s really not necessary. I can walk just fine. See?“ „I won’t take ‚no’ for an answer and you know me well enough to take me literally. Come on, Y/N. You must be tired and I’m sure your knees hurt.“ Actually, they do, now that he mentions it, and you feel like falling back to the ground any second, the fatigue resulting from your panic attack and nightly walk finally catching up with you. Still, the mere thought of being so physically close to Jimin right now is more than enough to make your heart race and your stomach twist. „Don’t be silly, Y/N. We’ve done this a hundred times already. Right now I don’t care about what just happened. I only want you to be safe and warm again. You look like you’re freezing.“ A concerned frown forming between his strong brows, Jimin now gets back up, eying you intently. „Yah, Y/N! Just look at you, shaking like a leaf!“, he raises his voice, his fair features all of a sudden distorted by rage. „What the hell got into you, leaving the house like that, only dressed in this excuse of a shirt and pajama shorts!? Do you have a death wish I should know of!?“ Ruefully, you shake your head, eyes fixed on your bare feet. The next thing you feel is a warm, heavy fabric being draped around your shoulders. „Here, that should be better“, Jimin whispers, more to himself, a pleased smile taking the place of his angered frown. After zipping the soft hoodie jacket around your slender figure, he looks you deep in the eye, still smiling, for what feels like an eternity without saying a single word, cupping your face with his hands again, his expression showing so much affection it almost hurts. „And now, get on my back, Y/N. Resistance is futile.“ Your cheeks burning, you nod your head and reluctantly do as he says, wrapping your legs around Jimin’s strong waist and your arms around his neck, nestling into the shape of his body, your chin resting on his shoulder. He lifts you up like it’s nothing and starts walking, headed for the dorm. „Are you comfortable back there, Y/N?“, he inquires after a while, obviously making an effort not to let show how heavily he’s breathing. „Perfectly comfortable“, you admit, to him and yourself. „This brings back memories. You haven’t carried me on your back in … years.“ You feel your throat tighten and Jimin’s shoulders tense under your weight. You shouldn’t have said that. „But I can walk by myself from here, really, Jimin. If I am too heavy, just put me back down already. It’s late and you have practice in a few hours, I don’t want to drain you of your precious energy. Besides, I’m getting blood all over your pretty shirt. Isn’t that the one Hobi got you just last week? It’s ruined now.“ „I don’t care about that, Y/N! It’s just a shirt!“, he simply replies, his tone unexpectedly gruff. „Alright, alright. Do as you please. But don’t complain tomorrow“, you try to joke and lighten the mood. Unsuccessfully as it seems. You can see Jimin clench his jaw. The same way he does whenever he sees you and Namjoon fight, whenever he sees you cry, whenever he is mad. Keeping it all in. Seconds pass in silence until you can’t take it any longer. „What did I say now? What did I do, Jimin!?“ „Nothing“, he scoffs. „That’s obviously a lie. If you have something to tell me, do it. Say it. I can handle whatever you throw my way. But don’t give me this passive-aggressive shit. I hate that and you know it. If you don’t really wanna carry me, put me down, don’t feel obligated. I never asked for it anyway.“ Shaking his head, he only chuckles dryly. This is getting too much. Struggling to free yourself from Jimin’s tight clutch around your thighs, to get off his back, you start wiggling around. In vain. He simply tightens his grip on you. „Jimin, put me down, for fuck’s sake! This is ridiculous!“ Finally, he sets you down at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the dorm’s entrance. You didn’t even notice you’d arrived already. Furious, you turn around to face Jimin, prepared to call him out on his behavior, freezing, however, at the sight of his expressionless features which are suddenly bare of any of the warmth and affection you are so used to. „I agree, Y/N. This isn’t right. What you did wasn’t right. You know full well what I’m talking about and I can’t keep on pretending that it doesn’t hurt. Because it hurts like crazy. And I don’t know if I can take it much longer. I never told you how hard it was, how hard it still is for me to be around you, to be there for you. To —“ „Then don’t!“, you cut him off, practically screaming now, paying no mind to who might hear you, Jimins honest words having stricken a nerve. „I never expected anything of you from that day on! I never asked for your help or protection! If it’s such a drag just leave me be!“ Your voice sounds shrill, strange to your own ears, seething with the same helpless rage and long-suppressed pain you can find in Jimin’s expression. „I can move out right now, if you’d feel more comfortable that way“, you continue. „I don’t have that much stuff at your place. I’ll just take a night bus home, if that’s what you want.“ You’re already about to head inside when he holds you back, his hand firmly grasping at your wrist. His mere touch lets you shiver. „Are you serious right now!? You don’t get it, Y/N, do you? I said it was hard. I never said I didn’t want to be there for you, to take care of you, to be around you, see you, even just hear your voice over the phone. I needed you, even, and I knew you needed me, too, so I put up with the way things had turned out to be. But it was still hard. And painful. To see you with Namjoon, so happy, so in love. I was glad you were doing great, of course. But it hurt nonetheless. And it took all my determination and self-control to not once act on those feelings I still had for you. They never changed and they never will. I firmly believe that. And I know you knew were aware of it all this time. You must have been. Everybody was. It must’ve been obvious, really. Still, you acted as if everything was fine, as if we were ‚just friends‘. And I went along with it, since the last thing I wanted was for you to be unhappy or hurt because of me. Also, I didn’t want to add to your pain in your current situation and make you uncomfortable, having offered you a safe place for now and intending to keep my promise. But lately it has just gotten too much. Seriously. I noticed, Y/N. I’m not stupid, you know. I noticed you were trying to make Namjoon jealous. You used me, and it felt like dying.“ Swallowing hard, you solely manage to stare at him, eyes burning, unable to move even an inch, lips apart, incapable of forming words in reply even though there is so much you want to say to him right now, so much your heart feels but you aren’t able to express. „Alright, I see ..“, Jimin finally whispers into the drowning silence occupying the space between you, pushing you further apart by the minute. Never before have you seen such hurt in his eyes. „I’m gonna go in first. When you’re done with it, just put the jacket on my bed. And of course you can stay tonight. You’re hurt and cold. I’m not a complete asshole. And I don’t hate you all of a sudden. Just — Ah, never mind.“ Slowly shaking his head, Jimin lets go of your wrist and proceeds to climb the stairs, his step the heavy step of resignation, while you remain frozen in place, helpless, your own body failing you in this defining moment. No. No!, you internally scream. You can’t let him leave like this. This can’t be it! Mustering all the strength still remaining in your tired body, you finally succeed in breaking free from your paralysis, your hand moving almost automatically as it reaches for Jimin’s. Instantly he stops his movements, only slowly turning around, eyes wide in shock and pain as if your touch had burned him. „Jimin —“, is all you manage to get out before your voice abandons you. Suddenly, inexplicably, and to your genuine surprise, Jimin’s gaze softens and he steps closer, his free hand reaching up to brush away the tears streaming down your face. You had no idea you were even crying. „I — I never — You —“ „Please, Y/N. Don’t say anything.“ He pauses, avoiding your glance. „Don’t say anything you don’t really mean. It will only make things worse.“ You can feel his words rip through your heart, leaving it aching, broken, the pain of it making it unbearable for you to breathe. Gasping for air, you clutch your chest, panic immediately showing on Jimin’s face, all his resentment towards you instantly forgotten. „What is it, Y/N? Can’t you breathe?“ Soundlessly, you shake your head, your lungs burning. „Okay. Come on, we’ll go inside. Just try and breathe, alright. In and out. In and out. Deep breaths.“ Unconscious of your actions you let him guide you inside. Only the hot water streaming down your still clothed body brings you back to your senses. When you open your eyes, you discover that you’re in the dorm’s bathroom, standing in the shower, not having the faintest notion how you got here. Jimin’s face is so close to yours you can feel his breath stroke your cheek, fear, and worry written all over it. „Can you hear me now, Y/N? Can you breathe again?“ Slowly you nod in agreement, taking a deep breath to prove it. „Good, good …“, Jimin sighs in relief, running a wet hand over his face, brushing back his hair, the other one still holding you upright by your shoulder. „I’m sorry, Jimin“, you start speaking as soon as you can trust your vocal cords again. He merely stares at you, his expression blank. „I know, my words are probably worth nothing, but I mean it when I say I am so, so very, deeply sorry for any pain I have ever inflicted on you“, you continue, your voice shaking, grateful the running water obscures your tears. „I never meant to do so. Honestly. You are one of the people most precious to me. Hell, maybe you are the person most precious to me! And what I did earlier — The kiss“, you almost choke on the word. „I didn’t do that just for fun, Jimin, and not to make Namjoon jealous. I did it because I felt like I had to. And it opened my eyes. It really did. Jimin, you brought me back to life! I spent the past few weeks as a breathing corpse. I killed myself, killed off all my emotions so I’d be able to keep going, to survive. I was empty, dead inside and I truly believed I’d never be able to feel again, to feel something good again. Until I kissed you.“ Uncertain, awaiting his reaction, you pause. But Jimin remains motionless, his glassy eyes quickly filling with tears, their expression a mystery to you, a puzzling mixture of hurt, affection, incredulity, and relief. „Jimin, will you be able to forgive me? I’m sorry if I went too far. I didn’t mean to reopen old wounds. We never talked about it but you were right. I actually could tell how hard you tried to put this, us behind you, and I believed you probably got over me long ago. I mean, it’s been years since you told me how you felt and I recklessly rejected you. I wasn’t ready for you back then. I was blind and clueless. I couldn’t grasp the full meaning of your words or my feelings for you back then. But I finally understood. I’m sorry it took me so long and I know it was wrong, in my selfishness keeping you by my side as a friend for the past three years and now acting on this idiotic impulse without realizing or considering the consequences, without realizing how deeply it would hurt you. I can’t stand the fact I caused you pain and I hate myself for it, I mean it. I am truly sorry,  Jimin, and even though I know my apology won’t redeem my actions, I really, really hope and wish you could somehow, someday forgive me. Because I can’t imagine my life without you. And I love you, in so, so many ways, more than just as a friend. I’m sorry I only realized that now. I’m sorry I’m too late.“ Your voice slowly trails off and you can do nothing but look at him, hopeful. Without a word, Jimin simply returns your gaze, his fierce yet overflowing with warmness, not once breaking eye contact while he takes a step towards you, into the shower, the hot water now encompassing both your bodies as he pulls you to his chest and into a tight, lingering embrace. „You’re not too late, Y/N“, he then whispers into the crook of your neck, one hand buried in your soaking wet hair, the other one still pressing your body against his as if he’d never want to let you go again. „I know it sounds cheesy, but I would’ve waited for you to the bitter end. I really would’ve had no choice.“ These words of his release something deep inside of you. Something that had been locked up there for years. It feels as if a weight is being lifted from your chest. Now you can’t hold back the sobs any longer. Sobs of relief and utter felicity rendering you a shivering, shaking mess, only held upright by Jimin’s strong arms. „It’s alright. I’m never gonna leave you, Y/N. Never. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.“ Now he breaks your embrace to bring just enough distance between the two of you to get a good look at your tear-streaked face. „You were right all these times you told me to get back out there, to try and date“, he says, his voice low and soft, the mere sound of it setting your chest on fire. „There are so many beautiful women out there who would gladly spend there lives with me. But their devotion would be meaningless to me. Because it’s you and only you who was capable of capturing my soul. It’s bound to yours now if I like it or not, and I’m afraid you’ll never let it go.“ You want to say something, do something, anything, to soothe the bittersweet agony seeping from the deep, dark wells of Jimin’s beautiful eyes as he voices this, his painful truth. However, you are powerless, petrified under his gaze. Minutes pass like this, the both of you lost in each other's eyes, unmoving, only the steady murmur of the water, still running, filling the quiet that had descended on the bathroom. Until you finally break the silence, your voice barely audible. „May I kiss you?“ Jimin’s expression merely changes, remaining unusually serious despite the softness in his gaze. „Only under one condition“, he finally relieves the fearful tension having increasingly built up in your chest with every other second of his silence. „Under the condition that it’s real this time, that you’re sure you really want this, me. I love you, Y/N, without question and you know that. But I’m not willing to be your toy anymore. This can only happen if you promise me one thing.“ He pauses, his body tensing slightly but unmistakably against yours. „You have to promise me, Y/N that, whatever was going on between you and Namjoon until now, is definitely over. That your heart is free for me. Because I will no longer be satisfied by only having one piece of you to cling onto. I want the whole of you or nothing at all. The alternative and the uncertainty it entails would be too painful. I can’t take any more of that.“ Both surprised and deeply touched by the maturity of his words, you nod your head without hesitation, over and over again, even though your burning heart calls you a liar. „Yes, yes, Jimin! I can promise you that! Namjoon has lost me. What he did is unforgivable and whatever we had was probably over long before he hurt me the way he did. He has no place in my heart anymore. I promise. I promise.“ His glassy eyes smiling, Jimin lets out a sigh of relief, bowing down to rest his forehead against yours. „And you mean it? You really mean it, Y/N?“, he asks, his tone still resonating with painful insecurity. „Yes, I mean it, Park Jimin. I really, truly mean it.“ You can feel your heart twitch as you say these words, breaking into two fragile halves beating out of sync. One for him, Jimin, one for the other man still inhabiting it. But, no. No. There is no room for Namjoon anymore. This is real. You desperately want it to be real. No more. No more games. No more uncertainties. „I’m all in“, you whisper, your lips finding Jimin’s all by themselves, joining them gently in a slow, soft kiss, which is unhesitatingly reciprocated by him and quickly grows deeper, heated, more passionate. Its intensity indulges your senses, leaving you breathless, longing, your body pressed close to his, following deep-rooted instincts. But this kiss is so much more than just an act of lust or a consequence of mere physical attraction. It stirs something inside of you. Your innermost feelings, dreams, and desires. It stirs your soul. And you long or nothing more at this moment than to feel his, too. Jimin’s soul, his body, his everything. Your and Jimin’s lips only ever parting shortly to gasp for air, your hands start working naturally, almost automatically, relieving Jimin of his wet shirt, sticking to his toned torso like a second skin, while his carefully strip you of his jacket, your pajama top and finally your lacy bra until you stand opposite each other almost entirely undressed. Slowly, ardently, yet overflowing with obvious affection and admiration, his hungry eyes trace down your bare chest, even his sole gaze upon your exposed skin sending hot and cold shivers down your spine. „Y/N, you’re so beautiful“, Jimin then whispers, incredulously shaking his head, his hands slowly, hesitantly reaching out to touch you, his questioning gaze awaiting your approval. Smiling, biting your lip, you nod, almost coming undone under his hands, hardly stifling a moan as his fingers softly cup your breasts. „So, so very beautiful …“, Jimin absentmindedly mutters under his breath before he leans down to kiss you again while his hands keep exploring your curves, leaving you a quivering mess, your body responding to his on its own, beyond your control. This time his tongue naturally finds its way through your eagerly parting lips to meet yours, the kiss continuously deepening, getting more urgent and sloppy by the second, teeth repeatedly colliding. As you bite his full lower lip following an impulse, you can feel him immediately react, his pleasure intensifying yours. Having lost all awareness of your surroundings or actions, you entangle your hands in his soft, wet hair, your fingers slowly wandering downwards tracing the muscles on his back, caressing his bare skin. Soon, you are pressed up against the wall, your legs around Jimin’s waist, the cold tiles scraping your exposed back. Instinctively, your hands start pulling at the rim of his sweatpants. You want more. You want him inside you. You have never wanted anyone the way you do Jimin at this very moment. And you want him now. Breathless, he disrupts your kiss to look at you, his dark eyes wide with expectation and wonder. „Are you sure, Y/N? Are you sure you want to go that far tonight?“ Silently, incapable of any clear thought let alone forming a full sentence, you simply nod your head with determination, impatiently biting your lower lip while your eyes are still fixed on his reddened, swollen lips, longing for their kiss. „I’m glad you feel that way“, Jimin replies his soft tone accompanied by a warm smile even reaching his dark brown eyes. „But we have to try and keep it down, alright? We don’t want the others to know yet, do we?“, he then asks, his gaze suddenly darkening, his voice rougher this time, an enticing huskiness to it that is foreign to you and leaves your wet core aching for him to fill you. „I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time“, he whispers as his gentle hands painfully slowly wander up your thighs, a satisfied grin curving his plump lips. „Me, too“, you breathe against his neck, your voice so low it’s almost inaudible over the noise of the hot water still running.

„This is real, Jimin. It truly is. I want it to be“, you whisper against his chest in the darkness of the silent living room, his arms around yours, your body nestled to his, your two forms fitting so perfectly as if they’d been created solely for each other. „I know, Y/N. Don’t worry and rest easy now. I believe you. I trust you.“ Finally closing your eyes, well and truly content for the first time in a long time, your tired, aching body still remembering the past pleasures, you huddle against Jimin’s warm, comfortable body even more closely, his embrace around you naturally tightening. „Sleep now, my angel“, he then whispers, brushing his soft lips against your forehead. And you sleep. As deeply and peacefully as never before. When you wake up the following morning, the sun is long up, its warm light filling the dorm’s common area, casting dancing shadows on your blanket. Well rested and smiling you sit up, stretching your limbs, still slightly sore. Jimin must’ve left before the others woke up, you figure since you decided to hide your intimate relationship for now. You know his sneaking away in the early morning hours without a word was surely reasonable and meant as a thoughtful gesture, Jimin probably not wanting to disturb your sound sleep. But still his sudden absence leaves you with a bittersweet aftertaste to last night, feeling lonely, sad even. You would’ve loved waking up next to him after your first shared night, to see his beautiful smile and loving eyes first thing in the morning. But we can’t have that. Not yet, you remind yourself. As you sit up, though, your gaze falls on your phone still sitting on the coffee table. Seven unread messages by Jimin. Your heart racing, you quickly open them. To find his smiling eyes fondly looking at you from the screen. He must’ve taken a selfie, right after waking up next to you, his hair ruffled and his eyes still puffy. 

You can’t stop staring at your phone, still not daring to believe this is actually true, this is actually happening. Smiling, you finally, reluctantly, detach your gaze from the image of Jimin’s beautiful face and get up to face the day, a single tear of incredulous happiness running down your cheek.

To be continued …

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I really hope you enjoyed it so far! Thanks for your patience and stay tuned for more! Thanks for reading and making such awesome requests!!! 🙏🏻🙃💜 Take care!

And, again, a quick reminder to check out my Masterlist for the remaining chapters and some more BTS fiction!

[aveirobsessed]

i'll answer all of them bc im bored and my followers surely won't ask any lmao

1. open heart or the elementalists

2. Rafael Aveiro or Maxwell Beaumont

3. same ^

4. uhh i played most of the books a long time ago but like i remember meeting Rafael and that shit was magical like i knew i wanted him to be an li and was so damn excited

5. when everyone survived in it lives in the woods when i replayed it

6. honestly, i hated most of the endings and like deleted them from my memory so i wouldn't have trauma, i really don't remember

7. well it used to be olivia but we're besties now so maybe kane from te2 or ellen from wt

8. i kinda like both bad boys/girls (noah, mona and colt) and sweethearts (beckett, ernest, rafael, maxwell, quinn, simon from std, thomas from moty, adrian)

9. it lives in the woods ending for sure

10. well i used to play tc&tf when there were only 3 books (tc&tf, most wanted and the freshman??) but i stopped and came back like 2 years later maybe bc i missed it, i played pixelberry's other games like hollywood u and hss and cheated so much they gave me some terrible bans/punishment so i stopped playing those

11. i don't follow blogs i just check the tags

12. sunkissed

13. bloodbound series

14. that duke bitch from d&d but i also hate poppy rn

15. i love my trr/trh mc mostly bc i named her saturn as a joke, wishful thinking mc was cute, i loved my powerful women in moty and oh with the same damn face also my precious black boy mc in it lives in the woods and my gay for beckett boy in te, but the legendary kenna rys takes the crown ;)

16. most of them were shitty honestly :( but i liked zeph (te) and briar (d&d) and lily (bb)

17. something that won't fucking stress me out ffs pls give us something fun that requires no diamonds as a gift bc we be poor i have enough things to stress me out i want some serotonin (i only get serotonin from noah scenes nowadays)

18. which one bc a lot of them need some changing, first of all pls let my boy rafael live and stay my fucking boyfriend i don't care if his gf is jesus womanified pls remove that bitch, second, give us more great female lis and treat them like male lis, third, give us the option to have a male mc, that's why i loved te soooo much, i have a lot more complaints but that's it for now

19. i always make up the names, my mcs were: Victor, Rina, Saturn, Nia, Danielle, Sienna, Selene, Reign, Leah, Diana, Lia...just to name some (when i get the chance to give them a last name i go wild, my mc from d&d was Danielle Leaf lmao and in one Episode story i named my mc River Lake)

20. i'm not reading a lot of them actually, so maybe Queen B even though it has A LOT of bad/questionable moments (i just realized that oh2 will soon be back from hiatus but im still not changing my answer to that bc of what they did to my raf)

21. when there were only 3 books idk when was that like 2016 maybe

22. probably none bc i loved at least one li in every book or i felt bad at some point lmao i think i even spent diamonds on sunkissed

23. wishful thinking

24. well i can't wait for rod2 but if the question's about the books that won't have sequels probably nightbound even though i didn't really like my li vera that much or wishful thinking

25. 14 on one acc, 25 on the other (i played some books on both of them so probably like 30-35 in total)

26. 286 on one acc, 448 on the other one

27. it lives in the woods, tc&tf, open heart, i started trr on another acc with a different li but got bored, ride or die, the elementalists (both) i think thats it?

28. i honestly don't think i ever did bc i'd be confused whenever i checked the tumblr tags

29. nope we broke

30. li scenes like 90% of the time, i bought just a few outfits, added veronica to my posse bc she's iconic and maybe some other stuff but ye mostly li stuff

31. not really but a lot of noah scenes remind me of one boy i know and thinking about him makes me want to cry so there's that, i also had a mental breakdown when i found out what they did to raf in oh2

32. lmao i liked atlas but that'd be twincest which is a nono so maybe ximena from rod, harper emery is v hot lmao i also stan aurora idk if she's an li i don't remember anymore but if she is and raf is not anymore then i'll date her, also maybe the rival girl from platinum idk her name i think maybe jaylen diaz or some shit

33. fire on one acc(first time playing), air on another i think

34. nowadays yes bc of my two first loves and diamonds but i probably won't once the school problems start

35. 21 on one acc, 20 on another (if you're wondering i have the dual app thingie)

36. probably fucking rafael or maxwell or beckett idk anymore haha that was long time ago

37. maybe like comedy i need something to make me happy, also i want a book where we're in a band that'd be fun

38. usually male bc they get more scenes and i know they probably won't be underrated (im bi with a slight preference for girls)

39. beckett and ian/ina from queen b (pb made fans hate them so much bc they're pushing them and giving them so many diamond scenes but they're so damn adorable) also simon from save the date he is one of the cutest ppl pb has made and both girls from endless summer

40. i will get hate if ppl see this but ethan ramsey (i love that man and he was my li when i replayed oh but damn y'all would make a religion based on him) but that was a tough choice (ayy pun intended) bc most lis that are loved by the fans do deserve that love :)))

Some playchoices asks!

Feel free to reblog if your followers can send you numbers!

1. Your favorite book?

2. Your favorite character?

3. Your favorite LI?

4. Your favorite moment with an LI?

5. Your favorite moment in any book?

6. Your favorite ending to a book?

7. Your favorite villain?

8. Your favorite type of LI?

9. Most memorable moment in a book?

10. What got you into choices?

11. Favorite choices blogs?

12. Least favorite book?

13. Least favorite ending of any book?

14. Least favorite villain?

15. Favorite MC?

16. Favorite best friend character?

17. What type of book would you like to see in the future?

18. If you could change something about a book, what would it be?

19. What is your MC’s name generally? Something made up, your own name, or the default name?

20. Favorite book that is being published right now?

21. Since when have you started playing choices?

22. Which books have you diamond mined?

23. What is a book that is not popular, but you still really like?

24. Which book would you want an extra book for most?

25. How many books have you finished?

26.  How many chapters have you played?

27. Which book(s) have you replayed?

28. Do you typically change other characters’ names if you are given the option?

29. Do you have VIP?

30. Which scenes do you generally spend diamonds on? LI scenes, friend scenes, collecting stuff, clothing, etc.

31. Was there a scene that has made you cry?

32. Which non-LI would you most like to have as an LI?

33. If you played The Elementalists: which secondary attunement did you get?

34. Do you play daily?

35. How many diamonds do you have right now?

36. What is your favorite 30 diamond scene?

37. Which book genre would you like to see more of?

38. Do you tend to go for male or female LI’s?

39. Which character should get more love from the fandom?

40. Which character do you think is overrated?

[sakurasbitch]

I was tagged by the lovely @archiefuckingandrews​, thank you lots babe

Rules: answer all the questions and tag 20 other blogs (tagged at the end of the post)

last:

1. drink: water 2. phone call: idek my dudes, i havent had my phone for almost a month now 3. text message: iddddddkkkkkkk  4. song you listened to: dirty little secret - the all american rejects (still a bop dont @ me) 5. time you cried: like probably 5 days ago (i was re-watching Forest Gump and idk why but it made me cry) 6. dated someone twice: pfffttt no 7. kissed someone and regretted it: mmmm nope 8. been cheated on: biiiitch i wish someone would try to cheat on me tf 9. lost someone special: mmmm yea 10. been depressed: havent we all??? 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: pft no 

3 favorite colors

12. yellow!!! 13. pinks 14. blues

in the last year have you

15. made new friends: yeeeeee 16. fallen out of love: never been in love tf 17. laughed until you cried: i honestly cant rememeber 18. found out someone was talking about you: not that i know of 19. met someone who changed you: yeah  20. found out who your friends are: sure 21. kissed someone on your facebook list: uhhmmmm not like a legit kiss, more accidental but sure

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: like 1/4 of them 23. do you have any pets: i have a teacup chihuahua (handsome) and a german shepherd (kronos) 24. do you want to change your name: no never i love my name  25. what did you do for your last birthday: i went out to eat with family  26. what time did you wake up: 4 am hjabdlaboigs; 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: asleep, ive been asleep like all day yesterday 28. name something you can’t wait for: my 18th birthday!!!! (im terrified!!!!) 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: like 2 hours ago 31. what are you listening to right now: a spotify playlist called “ the kids in america 90′s/00′s valley girl mix (kiss me is playing rn and it’s literally going to make me cry) 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: uhm no???? 33. something that is getting on your nerves: my moooom 34. most visited website: youtube and tumblr 35. hair color: natural is like dark brown but rn its a mess of colors 36. long or short hair: it’s about to my shoulders rn and my sides are hella short 37. do you have a crush on someone: mmmmmmm idk tbh  38. what do you like about yourself: idk i like my pain tolerance ig makes it easier when i get tattoos and piercings 39. piercings: i used to have a nose piercing and a cartilage piercing but they closed after almost 2 years and now i just have my 1sts and 2nds pierced (lowkey wanna get my nipples pierced lmao) 40. blood type: uhm idfk?? people just know this shit?? 41. nickname: nana or nana boo, only my family use it tho 42. relationship status: single 43. zodiac: sagittarius 44. pronouns: she/her 45. favourite tv show: i literally only watch one show rn and its wynonna earp 46. tattoos: i have the sagittarius constellation on my left forearm and an outline of a four leaf clover behind my right ear and i’m hoping to get another one maybe for my birthday 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: none 50. sport: i used to play basketball and wrestle and i played a lot of football with my brothers (i also really wanted to play soccer but mom didnt sign me up ://) 51. vacation: theres so many places i wanna visit 52. pair of trainers: i have a few pairs

MORE GENERAL

53. eating: nothing 54. drinking: water 55. I’m about to: play a game 56. waiting for: some clothes to arrive in the mail 57. want: a sword lmao 58. get married: idk honestly 59. career: zoologist

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses: both wtf 61. lips or eyes: fuck eyes always 62. shorter or taller: i have no preference, both have their perks 63. older or younger: it makes me lowkey uncomfortable when someone is like a year younger than me (im assuming this is like dating situations) 64. nice arms or nice stomach: stooommmaaaccchhhhhhhh, tummies are cute 65. hookup or relationship: why not both?? 66. troublemaker or hesitant: depends, but usually troublemaker

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: kinda 68. drank hard liquor: yeeaa 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: i literally just lost my ray bans 70. turned someone down: mmm kinda 71. sex on the first date: pft no 72. broken someone’s heart: lmao nah 73. had your heart broken: naaahh   74. been arrested: almost 75. cried when someone died: yea 76. fallen for a friend: pffffttttt babfhja lmao no

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: mmmm sure ig lmao 78. miracles: yea why not 79. love at first sight: kinda 80. santa claus: pfffftttt no, never really did 81. kiss on the first date: sure, dont see why some people think its a no no 82. angels: ehhhh maybe

OTHER:

84. eye color: dark brown 85. favorite movie: uhm wonder woman wtf (and kill bill vol.1 (and power rangers))

tagged: @districtmisfit @antniobanderas @waverlyearrps @niamholivia @nah--m9 @bottomsabrina @strawberrydirt @thebaeofbengal @okdamnanyway @jeremy--chetri annnnddd thats it i dont wanna tag 20 thats a lot lmao, but as always if anyone else wants to do it feel free to say i tagged you and @ me in it

[yureimori]

get to know me tag! i got tagged by @random-hylian yeehaw rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

@hero-of-thighs @phillozophy @welcometofeelstowneveryonesdead @ureshiibri @ka-lada @anime-suckx @spoiledspine @notsosilentprincess @zeldaofhyrule @mewtyn @czat @mikey-hunter @circulargoat @assipattle

im sorry that’s not 20 but i can’t think of anyone else,, (oh and if anyone i tagged doesn’t want to do this it is a-ok my dude)

also gonna put this under the cut bc wowie that’s a lot of text

THE LAST: 1. Drink: agua  2. Phone call: mmmm i think it was one of my friends 3. Text message: my mom 4. Song you listened to: gerudo valley theme 5. Time you cried: im probably crying as i write this tbh HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: no 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nah 8. Been cheated on: nope 9. Lost someone special: yeah (some through death and some because like.. they moved away. also my dog) 10. Been depressed : bihf im always depressed 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: no LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: light blue, peach, and lavander IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: yee

16. Fallen out of love: no

17. Laughed until you cried: yes yes

18. Found out someone was talking about you: ??? does it count of like i walked into a room and someone was like ‘oh hey we were just talking abt you’

19. Met someone who changed you: idk,,

20. Found out who your friends are: whta does this mean

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: uhhh,, i kissed my mom on the cheek

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them bc my only friends on there are family

23. Do you have any pets: a wONDerFUl cat

24. Do you want to change your name: maybe but i dunno

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: i just chilled at home and talked to some nerds

26. What time did you wake up: once at 7, then 9, then 10 rip

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: talking on skype with @phillozophy and @welcometofeelstowneveryonesdead abt how i was gonna fuck a spider

28. Name something you can��t wait for: im going to a very small local con with some friends in august so that’ll be fun

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: like two seconds ago

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: ahhhhhh i’d like to change a lot of things,,, maybe not look so feminine

31. What are you listening to right now: animal crossing new leaf music

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: my uncle

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: ppl telling me to stop being quiet/shy/etc. oh and ‘you wouldn’t be so depressed if you had a better attitude and smiled more!!’

34. Most visited website: this hellsite and yoot-toob

35. Mole/s: none i think

36. Mark/s: i have some scars on my ankles 

37. Childhood dream: i wanted to be a tailor

38. Hair color: darkish brown but it’s bleached currently

39. Long or short hair: shorttt

40. Do you have a crush on someone: my man feelings are confusing and i can’t tell if i just get strong platonic feeling or chill romantic feelings

41. What do you like about yourself: hhhhhhhhh i think my eyebrows are cool

42. Piercings: nah

43. Blood type: i,,,, i don’t know

44. Nickname: li and yurei 

45. Relationship status: single

46. Zodiac: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

47. Pronouns: i like to use they/them mostly

48. Favorite TV Show(s): sTEVEN UNIVERSE YEEEAAAA

49. Tattoos: don’t have any but maybe in the future

50. Right or left hand: right handed

51. Surgery: yes but im not gonna get into it

52. Hair dyed in different color: i tried dying my hair pink but it washed out after like, a day. i might try to do blue soon, though

53. Sport: i can stare blankly at my ceiling for 3 hours

55. Vacation: most recent one was in new jersey like maybe 2, 3 years ago

56. Pair of trainers: i thought this meant training wheels  MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: i had a sandwich an hour ago 58. Drinking: i haven’t had any liquid all day whoops,, 59. I’m about to: i wanna play animal crossing or skyward sword rlly badly 61. Waiting for: death am i rite kids haha 62. Want: m kinda wanting chicken nuggets tbh 63. Get married: mm probably not but who knows 64. Career: i want to be an illustrator or maybe a storyboard artist 

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: hugs they are warm and soft yes good good 66. Lips or eyes: yOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE YOUR  E Y E S 67. Shorter or taller: both are good 68. Older or younger: maybe younger?? 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: probably stomach 71. Sensitive or loud: mm both 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: also both as long as trouble isn’t like,, gonna hurt someone bad HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: no 75. Drank hard liquor: my brother gave me a baby spoon of pumpkin beer once and it was actaully disgusting 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: all the time 77. Turned someone down: ye 78. Sex on the first date: no 79. Broken someone’s heart: i hope not 80. Had your heart broken: no 81. Been arrested: no 82. Cried when someone died: i might get teary eyed but of someone dies i just kinda feel numb 83. Fallen for a friend: maybe im not sure

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: hell no 85. Miracles: ye 86. Love at first sight: no 87. Santa Claus: nah 88. Kiss on the first date: depends?? maybe??? first date seems kinda soon

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: aaaaAAAAA HEATHER RANDI LOZY LILY AND CODA I DON’T CARE IF THAT’S TOO MANY BEST FRIENDS I LOVE ALL OF THEM SO MUCHSAADFVBGNH 91. Eye color: greyish blue 92. Favorite movie: howl’s!! moving!! castle!!!!!!

[lielisstrange-blog]

I came in with a storm 2182002 straight from the gods to a hospital in Maryville Tennessee

My existance called for change, leaving the couple im told to know as mother and father to divorce

I was put in a family of a brother and a sister and on one side i had mor cousins than i could count and the other seemed to be the ones who brought me here , with so many similarities with me

Growing up i was always smiling despite the constant aruging, verbal abuse, and later on physical abuse. I smiled becouse ,be it the gods, something told me id be just fine, that its all to change soon.

I was right.

Now ages 0-2 where pretty blurry

But from what i remember of 3-6

I met new siblings called step siblings and met this woman suppose to be a step mom. I didnt like them right away, i didnt really know why. But i treated them kindly likely becouse someone mentioned in a movie you should treat others how you liked to be treated. Now at this point i spent all my years in this big house doung whatever i wanted, i knew whats up and in this big house i was a bug but i was the king bee. No one ever stepped on my toes.

Now i didnt have much toys so i used my hands, i named them bith friends.

Which was kinda sad but they provided lots of entertainment when i was bored un school . I also spent my days watching drake and josh,icarly, and basically a bunch of nick and cartoon network shows from the 90s to early 2000s. One night i remember the mother coming to the house to sleep in the gym room. I had told her and my aunt that id sleep with them that night so i kept going back and forth rooms, aunts to the left,the other yo the right. At one point i got sick of it and sat in the middle of the hall looking out the door up the stairs directly obove me. I don't think i ever chose. I remmember mamaw worked for a jewlery company and we attended a christmas ball thing once, thus i descovored i loved christmas

Until around age 5, i realised i didn't care about school, loved christmas, felt lonely on Halloween and that everyone around me wasnt like me. Or perhaps i wasn't like them,,around that age someone who was suppose to be a cousin had me do some griss things with him. When we where cought with him on top of me, we where sat in the courner. Thats all that was done about it. Now ive always been very asexual, so i saw the act as a performance of sorts and truly didnt care as it ended shortly after. Until i was kicked off my thrown and moved out with the step siblings and that father. I was treated unfairly but found it hard to care. The step brother about two years older than me started demanding im to kiss him which i thought was gross. But he said if i didnt, hed tell on me. Given he was the favorite and had actual pull in the house i had no choice but to comply. Which i didnt but hed make me. At this time id go to the mothers house every other weekend to see my sister, eat pizza, and watch 90s cartoons or Madagascar. I swear i memorized that movie. Now the kissing eacalated through out the years into worse and worse things. But i honestly never put much thought in it. I was unattached from each side of the family already so i didnt care. My memory of these years are blurry due to repression. Not the kind youd think though.

See a memory that came back to me i was about age 7. I went outside in a fit and as i walked the wind seemed to kick up and i raised my hands at the side of me slowly making it kick more. I stud on a stump and remeber making a leaf tornado. I was very happy with my work. But at these times i was being told magic was evil from the mother. I figured it was magic, got off of the stump and stomped inside.

From 7-9 i descovored more abilities almost yearly. I noticed id think of a shows episode or a line in the episode and no matter what id see that exact scene the day of or week after. It happened all the time. Id also be sitting in the car on hot days wanting a drink but knowing enough that they'd never stop for drinks. Id think this or a specific question about a person ir thing and some out, like my brain would go silent fir a moment. Then right after, one of the people in the front seat would ask that question, anwser it,or announce we're stopping for drinks.This happend so often that i assumed they had mind reading powers,i even asked them. They always said no thiugh.Another one seemed to be just magic ,like id want something to happen and the moment im not thinking about it, it just happens. Which sounds amazing but keep in mind i was trying to repress these abilities as much as i could along with memories of them so itd build up. Like when you're young and mad you might think about wanting something bad to happen to somone whoes mean to you. Now with this ability if you wanted it, just for a second, its long enough to do damage. Which,wasnt fun. Also one day i had a watch and said out loud that id descovor time... perhaps i have a time ability. I forgot to mention, when you try to repress things like this, you get KILLER headaches all the time. Like yiu cant run or jump or talk loud without feeling like your head was going to expload. I also made killer storms when angry. And i was always angry. But my abilities are fight or flight activated so itd never hurt me. Sometimes id black out and look off in a direction and use one of my powers. Like i couldn't control it, it had to get out. One time i was in a car, got angry, abd looked out a window,my mind went silent as i looked at a truck that was suppose to stop at a red light then looked at the tip of our car slowly until i was blasted back to reality as the truck hit our car. We span to the middle of the road, the two people in the frount seat crying and screeming as i sat their completely untouched with a shocked look on my face.

I remember the mother teaching the brother hiw to ride a bike,she didnt have time to teach me as well so i looked at what they where doing, hopped on my bike and flew down the hill. Now i didnt exactly know how to stop it so i mightve went down the hill straight into a tree. However, i got back up laughing my ass off and learned those little grippy things on the handles can stop the bike when needed. I then knew how to ride the bike and went flying down the hill again.

Now from 8-10 ish we lived in a house on a hill with a creek at the bottom and a church to the side. I spent those years unallowed to get on the internet, loving tv, trying to gather enough food to actually eat, saving pinnies to get 15cent candy and ever ran a little store to cell old toys. We also had an old schoolhouse in our backyeard and woods to play in, which i did often. It genuinely felt like i was growing up in a different time period as i hunted for crawdads and heard the rasist or homophobic rants from the father and step mother.

Now from about 8-11 i was shown back to the future, doctor who, and the joy of mac and cheese by my sister. The 9th doctor was my first him id seen, and i loved him and the show. Because up until this point id felt alone but he made me feel completely not alone. I also descovored i wanted to be a scientist, not even really knowing what that is yet. The gross things stopped for the most part. Also i picked up a camera phone for the first time making a video where i killed a stick and even crushed a berry to make it look of blood.

I thought it was so badass. At this point id visit the mothers house everyother weekend and sometimes go to mamaws every other other weekend. Mammaws being where my thrown originally was, although they moved to this town called oak ridge. Now i loved oak ridge. It was the original time bomb town. Ive also always had a weirdly strong connection to albert enstine whom was there. I swaer i genuinely was Nikola Tesla in a past life, he was an asexual scientist with cool hair and pure sass. The mother also moved to oak ridge. Her house had a tierswing made by my sister. I loved it there, it was a perfect time capsule until one night. We had just got there and i was playing with my binderoos as my sister was started getting yelled at by the mother. She was screaming, i think my sister threw a party or something. Then my sister got up just kinda talking her points out as the mother yelled and yelled then my sister started yelling. Then out if nowhere the one we've been calling mother, we'll now call "T" , slaped the glasses off of my sister. My sister looked shocked then left the house as T screamed. Now everytime id go over to her house shed make it seem like she was the good one, like he was evil. At this moment i knew for sure, neither of them where the good guys. So i grabbed my sisters glasses and fixed them with my bendaroos. What makes it worse is that my sister came to her house after being abused at mamaws. She knew that and still hurt my sister.

I never stopped smiling. I always knew itd get better.

Age 12 , the step brother sent false claims about my sister, leaving it to wear we couldn't see her for months that felt like years

She tought me that no one could tell me i wasnt what i wanted to be, even if it was a ninja . She tought me to fight ,how to get out of trouble, and told me stories of her stealing at my age. I only ever stole food or tiny things as we rarely had any

And now people at mamaws started ordering me around more , getting meaner , or perhaps they where always mean i just didnt care enough to catch it

I also watched harry potter for the first time and related very VERY much.

2012

We left that house with the creek and that step mother and where off to live at mamaws

Which i loved dearly as ut was the only place i was allowed to exist with out being hit or pushed or screamed at and i could go online

I descovored i love 50s music and shane dawson

I also started going to the elementary school across the street. Now with schools over the years, at first i just didnt care because it was easy and boreing, then it began where i couldnt pay attention as hard as i tried. Id look at a book and have a whole movie in my head playing about a magic book or something where ozzy Osborne came to my school to sing crazy train and hug me ...which i thought about a lot. Then the teacher would call me out for not paying attention, but it was never on perpous id just check out.i also had a habbit of always having teachers who hated me like one time in like first grade a teacher said i was in trouble and moved my car back (which was a paper car on a paper road that youd get rewarded for if you got far or punished if you got taken back). When she did that, i made it obvious that i gave no shits by sitting and saying nothing as she yelled. Hen she moved it firther back when seeing no reaction from me. Then further. Then straight up just called the father who we'll now call V. To another teacher who lout laud to the class said her dog writes neater than i.So my grades where never too good

From 2012-2014

Every morning for school at mamaws id get a little coffee, watch a little of the morning news, then head off

Every night i could, id watch boondocs or family guy with my little cousin who was basically my little brother at this point and drink some chocolate milk

Every other week, i think, we'd get our allowance and go to the same walmart on fridays to spend it

It was the most like a family sitch i think id ever had

I remember my first day of middle school, and listening to "makes me happy" by drake bell on the bus, even coming back to do homework and eat butterscotch chips for cookies

That being said after being there until middle school me and the other brother was taken by V to see his new house

I didnt want to go nor stay and i made that very clear. Something seemed,,off.

Then sure enough on the way there v told us he got back with the step mother we'll call the L (hehe)

And that they're now renting the house we're going to together

It was hell, i had to share a room with that step sister , it was back to rarely having enough to eat, virbal abuse, and general bullshit all the time

On top of that, because in oak ridge the age for middle school was one year below the requirement for this new town , i was sent back to an elementary school