#'if i can get my psychiatrist on board with labeling me as mid support needs or higher maybe my mom will take me seriously'

[icannotgetoverbirds]

I really needed to read this post, especially since it helped me realize something. I've really been trying to give myself a support needs label because I thought it would make me feel more valid, and maybe neurotypical people would take me more seriously when I tell them my limitations. I didn't really understand that that's what I was hoping for, I just felt like it would help me somehow.

Truth be told, the biggest reason I've been struggling with this is because I hadn't understood a vital concept of disability activism enough to put it to words - if a disabled person says they cannot do something, an abled person's job is not to reassure them that they can, but to mind their damn business at bare minimum. It'd be even better if they'd support the disabled person through the alternative way they do things instead of trying to force them to do things the 'normal' (abled) way.

As notabled-noodle put it, you're allowed to be low support needs and still need support, and low support doesn't mean no support.

Low support doesn't mean 'put in a little elbow grease and you'll pass as neurotypical in no time,' and it certainly doesn't mean 'if you need support you're Not Trying Hard Enough', and I really needed to remind myself that not only is this true, but it's important for the abled people around me to understand as well.

The thing that I was trying to fix wasn't my own understanding of my needs but others' understandings of my limitations, and I was going about it in a way that could be harmful to others by misusing terms that really aren't meant for me.

What I wanted was for people to understand and believe my limitations, and so I was trying to label myself as a higher level of support needs in hopes that maybe some of those needs would be met.

A decent example of this that happened just recently - I confessed to my mom that I don't think I'll ever be able to drive, and then happily shared my alternative plan (public transportation until I can move somewhere rural, then riding on horseback) that would work with my needs.

Rather than celebrating with me that I'd found a tool towards independence and the life I want, she seemed disappointed that I'd given up on driving, even after I explained to her that I'd be a damn road hazard if I got a license, and that pretty much the only time I'd be able to drive safely would be at/around noon.

It really rubbed me the wrong way, and I couldn't put my finger on why until I read the post. She doesn't understand that certain tasks that are essential to modern life are beyond me, like driving. She believes with her whole heart that if I just tried hard enough, I could drive just like everybody else. And she thinks this is a good thing to believe, to hope that I can, in this aspect, function like a neurotypical.

She sees it as a respectful and kind way to view me, and I can't blame her, because that's what we're all fed growing up. Inspiration porn about how no wall that a disability puts up is insurmountable and every mountain is worth climbing.

I don't want to risk my sanity and spend my life climbing mountains to function like a neurotypical when I can make do with tools that allow me to spend my time doing things I enjoy. I shouldn't have to do that to be seen as someone who works hard - there are plenty of other things I could be working hard on.

Unfortunately, I don't think there's anything that I can do to convince her that this mountain is not worth climbing. The view at the top isn't even worth it, and everything that I'd need that I could get from climbing it is available elsewhere or replaceable with something that works just as well. She'd probably just be disappointed in me for 'limiting myself' when what I'm doing is setting myself free.

Just. Believe disabled people when they tell you they can't do something, okay?