#'i want to fit in with my classmates and ppl my age'

[mihai-florescu]

How sexy would it be if when stranger things releases the last season nobody would watch it. A girl can dream

[bestlilithian]

The lilithian experience (lilith dominant chart)

Personal experiences w having heavy lilith influence

- Older people being creepy subtly or overtly, but usually subtly with certain looks or touches or comments, especially strangers in public or distant family friends

- Being told Im scary or intimidating, or that I look mean (a girl once told me she thought I wouldnt want to hang out w her and her friends because I looked 'too pretty and kinda mean') [this is esp w lilith/asc harsh aspects]

- Lilith square asc culture is walking into a room a little pissed or in a hurry and everyone shutting up (also works for mars/pluto)

- Now Ive never heard anyone else talking about this but as a lilithian woman Ive always been disgusted by the idea of having sex with a man because in our culture a woman who has sex w a man is seen as having been dominated and degraded by him ("I fucked her" "I hit that" "I scored") also the act itself is very power struggle-ish like no *I* want to bend over a man and make him suck *my* dick

- Being hyperaware of people looking at you (even if youre dressed extremely modestly or without makeup)

- Lilith/moon aspects 🤝 your mom making inappropriate comments about you and your body

- Lilith/sun aspects 🤝 your father insulting you or making weird comments (more subtle w soft aspects so you might brush it off but its still not okay girl)

- People thinking youre flirting with them or others (esp men) but youre just hot and talking, and you cant help that ppl have strong reactions to anything you say really

- Loving eye contact <3 (w the right people)

- Lilith square saturn culture is not being afraid to stand up to authority <3 and having to quite often because they have a pick on you and try to tear you down

- also w lilith square/opposite saturn grown ass adults will have beef w you when youre a kid, esp those w authority over you like teachers, coaches etc

- Lilith/asc harsh aspects and overthinking whether a fit is too revealing or not (because you dont want to get harassed and looked at again) (but then youll grt harassed even if you go out in a priests suit so 🤩)

- People (esp men) trying to use you for sex

- Always being the one guys want to be friends w benefits with while theyre crushing on another girl

- "I dont like what you do to me" - most men Ive interacted with for a while

- A guy told me he liked me for who I am but he couldnt stand "the effect I have on him"

- lilith in 4th house culture is attracting men w mommy issues and being looked at by guys in relationships

- lilith/mercury and needing to know all your friends bdsm test results

- People liking when youre mean 2 them

- People who hate you often want to have sex w you

- Ive had so many guys in my class literally have to gather up courage to talk 2 me, even for basic things like asking me to help w something, they approach me looking all tense and worked up like Ill slice their head off for asking me to help them with their math lmao

- A classmate (and friend, apparently) of my friend once didnt want to come out and meet me when I went to my friends school to give her something because she thought Id beat her up (for context I found out she said some nasty things to my friend and was not happy about it)

- Being told by ppl (esp men) that I remind them of characters who are villains

- People esp girls not liking me for no reason or being rude

- Guys in relationships being extremely cold and rude to me or even shittalking me to their gfs (you can guess why)

- People trying to 'put you in your place'

- Recognizing other lilithians immediately

- Being insecure about your private parts, your body in general and your appearance

- Sex obsession since a young age

- Sexual harassment unfortunately

[tau1tvec]

In response to anonymous below. It seems to me that the problem for many in this situation is not at all that their photos from the game are worse than others. Here everything is much more global. I'm not saying anything, but probably the point is that people do not have enough attention and approval in real life. There are not enough people who could share their interests. Many in this way try to raise their self-esteem. After all, if they are praised, it means they receive recognition, it means they are good or talented. But the problem is that the simbler community is not really where you should look for a way to raise your self-esteem. My advice to anonymous. Don't try for someone else, play for yourself. Enjoy it. The more you try to keep up with those who do what you think is better, the less motivation you will have to go further. And this applies to everything in life. Not just posts on tumblr. When I first came to Tumblr, I didn’t post anything for a year. I just followed people and liked them. But then, when I started sharing photos, at some point I caught myself thinking that when I start building or creating a Sim, I first of all think about how it will be appreciated on Tumblr. Will others like it? And I stopped enjoying my game. Because it has become a pursuit of the perfect picture. And still it did not turn out perfect, because others were better. I stopped playing and uploading photos. But then I realized that I miss my game. And I began to just play, sometimes share moments from my game and not wait for the approval of others in the form of likes. I am always glad to likes and comments, and this is very important. But I try not to take it as motivation. Even if my photo gets 1 or 2 likes, I'll just move on. It just doesn't matter. Although you may not think so now. Sorry for such a big text and my bad english.

No need to apologize, and I know you're just responding to anon, but I'd also like to respond to this as well, bc I agree with some points, but am wrestling with some.

Firstly there is nothing wrong with turning to online spaces for peer validation. I know it isn't the case everywhere in the world, but this isn't the late 90's, the majority of ppl on this site fall in an age group that was basically raised online, all the time, an online that was so normalized, it's even how you kept up with your irl friends, classmates, coworkers, and family, and a lot of ppl still do this.

There is no difference to me between an elderly man posting a new birdhouse he built on Facebook with other bird enthusiasts, and a teenager showing off their sims blorbos in their cute new cc outfits on Tumblr with other teenagers. Both these people are looking for peer validation, and sometimes yes that can help one's self-esteem, and there's nothing at all wrong with that. For teens, this is actually a part of their adolescent development, if you've got a teen of you're own you know what I'm talking about, and have had a conversation with their pediatrician about "screen time", which is why they encourage both parents and teens to work together to make sure it's managed in a healthy way, so you are absolutely right on that one. Simblr shouldn't be a person's only outlet to build self-esteem, and this isn't an issue that only harms younger ppl, even adults are constantly being encouraged to continue keeping and building irl connections. The ramifications of social media harms us all.

This is human nature, we are meant to want to connect with, love, and bring joy to others, we want to fit in, bc it's how our ancestors quite literally survived. This is how shame worked to govern societies prior to modern day law and order. The problem is a lot of how modern society has been for years is that it's focused on an individualist mentality, despite the fact that our bodies and minds are built for a community mentality.

Okay, now that I got that out I appreciate your concern, and your suggestions, I've used this method myself a few times, and it's certainly helped me rekindle my love for just playing games in general, and letting the creation of content for it be second, I've also picked up other outlets to escape and be creative, some new, some old, and many that don't involve a screen, or a screen name.

I'm a lot better for it, but I understand that this isn't easy or attainable ( whether physically or financially ) for others, so I really wish others would try and remember than when you see ppl like last anon cross your dash.

[caswlw]

ur icebreaker post said u had some ya book recs 👉👈 pls share I’m begging

ah yes !!! so i’m unsure of what ur preferred genres/tropes are so here’s some recs that are assuming u liked icebreaker lol i hope they fit !

omg check, please! by ngozi ukazu: it’s a (graphic novel) rec Easily given considering it’s also gay college hockey and id assume a lot of ppl who read icebreaker have already read check please- but if Miraculously u haven’t- it’s so good! it can be read as a comic online but the physical volumes have some extras worth seeing too imo. i also think that mickey and jaysen so closely resemble a certain 2 characters (not the MCS tho) from it that if u want similar content to icebreaker there’s them! and they share many other topics, like coming out, having a secret relationship for [blank] reasons, familial issues, going to the nhl, and mental health, so if u want a book that is closest to icebreaker then this one is ur best bet

darius the great duology by adib khorram: despite being about a teenage boy visiting family in iran (at least in the first one) and not at all about college hockey, these books are also good in that they have similar content ! i think it does a great job of diving into the MC’s mental health (and similarly how that affects the ppl around him) and the familial content and general disconnect (for a different reason here than in icebreaker) from them are also great! i wouldn’t rec this as romance even tho the MC is also gay just bc that aspect of his character is much more heavily explored in the second book! it’s sadder than icebreaker and again isn’t about hockey (tho soccer is pretty important) but omgcp is the happiest of these so far so it balances out

the field guide to the north american teenager by ben philippe: this is just a normal coming of age story for a teenage boy who moves to texas from canada. honestly had i not fallen for the cover on a random target run i probably wouldn’t have bought and read this but MAN was it worth it !! i love the narration and the MC is a Little annoying but it’s a story about Growth ! and since i was moving to TX soon myself when i read it i felt less alone in my situation too <3 but yeah i have a list of books i file under dude lit (i would probably help define this better in a post on it’s own) which i feel like if u liked how mickey was written this might also be your jam! not a book w a whole lot of romance to follow through tho jsyk

the henna wars by adiba jaigirdar: a book w a non male MC !! just bc most of my “similar to icebreaker” books are about men and i can’t handle sending out recs like that. anyway tho this standalone is about a girl in high school who has a business project and ends up being a rival to a different classmate who essentially chose the same concept for her project. if the rivalry (if u want to call it that) from icebreaker is what pulled you in, then this is your book! it’s wlw and the girls also have a similar plot involving coming out to school + family and keeping up w each other academically/in this project. plus! the MCs have a similar “we come from different worlds” aspect like mickey and jaysen !! if u want more wlw recs too i have a few they just aren’t similar enough to icebreaker for me to have them here lol (also def recommend hani and ishu’s guide to fake dating- which is also a wlw ya novel by jaigirdar)

the darkness outside us by eliot schrefer: now this. this book is Insane. legitimately i bought it off amazon bc i thought the synopsis was good and i was looking for a happy ending in a standalone sci-fi book and this ended up being So Much more. i don’t want to explain too much of the plot as it’s best experienced read w no major info going in, but essentially these two guys are on a spaceship and they have a mission to rescue someone! its marketed as a love story- which it most certainly has (and the relationship btw the MCs reminds me of icebreaker’s like. we are and aren’t rivals bc we’re on the same mission/team- but also in another way we Are bc xyz)- BUT the thing about this book is that it’s So Much More than just gay ppl in space and it genuinely took me on so many rushes of that feeling omg what will happen next that i cannot help but recommend it on this list of ya contemporary books lmao

general recs i always have tho include dread nation by justina ireland, the warcross duology by marie lu, the scythe trilogy by neal shusterman, and ace of spades by faridah àbíké-íyímídé (def my favorite book published in 2021 that i read- tho if ur interested be sure to look up the list of TWs beforehand bc it’s Heavy.) honorable mention to the vicious duology by v.e. schwab bc i wouldn’t say it’s YA. i have to read more of my book list to give more recs that aren’t just a very similar list lol but if u want a better full description/review of any of these just lmk 🤩

[touyaz]

Why do you like Naoya so much? Genuinely no hate, I’m just curious because I can’t stand him, lol

he just makes my dick hard tbh 🥵😩

jjk spoilers for the real answer 😋 this got kind of long lmao

tw familial abuse, trauma. not detailed but it is talked about throughout

okok honestly he's just,, an interesting character to me. like i know he's a douche bc of the misogyny and whatnot, but to me it all just highlights how he's a product of generational trauma & how his entire life is spent moulding him into the image of the perfect zen'in. it's like everything he says is smth he's learned from the zen'in textbook; he was never truly given a chance to become an individual, he was taught how to act and what he should be. idk it's just kinda sad to have all that individuality get taken away from you at a young age. also like, age-wise he's close to gojou (only a year younger iirc) and taking into account the relationship btwn zen'ins and gojous, i feel like there would've been a lot of pressure on him to be the ideal and be good enough to go up against satoru. i think it's emphasised in his wanting to be on par with touji and gojou; he's like constantly pushing himself to this unattainable dream that's been forced onto him because if he isn't as strong as his rivals then he's weak and useless. we already know how influential the zen'ins are (keeping maki from going from grade 4 to 1 or wtv) but she's also... part of a generation sort of helped by gojou. she still gets to go on tough missions and interact with other sorcerers (classmates and otherwise). but then we see touji who left the zen'ins and he. yknow. only made a living through murder. if naoya was to try fight against his own family, it's obvious they'd make his life even more hellish. he wouldn't have the connections maki does as a school student to get to do challenging missions. the zen'ins would keep him at a low grade so he wouldn't get good missions either. staying in the clan was probably the easiest way for him to protect himself from that life. whilst he's still mistreated he hasn't got it as bad as others since he's strong & has a cursed technique - giving all that up and willingly putting himself against the clan is just,, not the smartest thing to do which is understandable, if not a little relatable. he just wants to protect himself. he's putting himself first because that's all he's ever been taught to do.

honestly he reminds me of this girl I knew who was like kind of a model student in the sense that she'd answer all the homework questions and shit, whereas I'd like only answer the last few hard ones and call it a day. like she put in way more effort than i did into things, but then when it came to exams, I'd score higher. and like,, naoya just,, his whole life he's been pushed to the extremes to reach that goal and be the very best, but it's out of his reach. his birth didn't shift the balance of the universe like gojou's did. he's not got heavenly restriction like touji. he didnt even inherit the clan technique like megumi did. he's just some guy who's been put through the wringer, but nothing much amounts from his actions bc he's not as special as the ppl around him.

at the end of the day, he's remembered as being a dick bc no one thinks abt the kind of trauma he would've endured staying in the zen'in house bc it's never talked about in relation to him. we feel sad for maki, mai and touji bc their experiences are told outright, but we never think abt the ppl who had to stay in the house where that abuse all happened. ppl just assume if they stayed in the house they were either okay w it, or they were the females/ servants that you kind of feel bad for bc of implied mistreatment due to status/gender, but some (e.g. the mothers) you may dislike for 'enabling' the men. ugh idk if this point is making sense like I want it to, but it's like,,, because naoya fits the mould of the abuser (male, has cursed energy & technique), ppl don't ever think he can be the victim of that abuser ?? ..... Even tho he can be and he probably (at least imo) was. it's like ppl just assume bc naoya was quicker to submit to his position, nothing happened to him which I personally doubt is the truth. and it's like there's no one around him that can actually save him from that/ take him out of that cycle, so he falls back into what will keep him alive which is just obeying the abusers and fitting into that mould.

tbh, this thinking can be applied to others like jinichi but he's ugly so idc much abt him lolol. jkjk i also don't think he had as much pressure as naoya did to be perfect bc naoya was the one pushed to be the next head of the clan.

and even the extreme reaction of naoya wanting to kill megumi for becoming the next head just speaks volumes on his view of his own self-worth..... he's been trained to be the next head his whole life, but if he's not that then he's good for nothing and useless. all the suffering he endured was pointless.

ugh I really wouldve liked him to ,, yknow stay alive lmao bc i think that genuinely could've pushed him to change. the source of his generation of zen'ins' misery (the elders/ their parents) were all dead and so.... it would mean he'd get to grow into himself. he wouldn't have that external pressure on him, he wouldn't have to worry abt what they would think of him/ fitting their mould, and it just would've been such a nice redemption arc to actually see a change and see the humbling effects of maki's actions on him :(

I swear this is my last paragraph on him lmao but I think some of his own individuality comes out in a v harmless way in the japanese volumes. he actually refers to maki/mai with -chan at the end, and touji/gojou with -kun. the guys one I'm sure is become he's always viewed himself to be on par/ wanting to be on their level, so.... there's still some kind of respect for them & wanting to be closer to/more personal with them? which totally goes against what he's grown up to believe since they're the enemy?? and for the girls, whilst i know that suffix can be used in a belittling/ mocking way, its kinda cute to imagine that he says that bc at the end of the day they're his family and..... they're probably some of the only ppl he actually views as decent, relatable and, well, his /real/ family. he also calls his dad 'papa' which is probably his way of,,, trying to be cheeky and have some personality other than what he's been forced into being? it's like the child in him that's always wanted to be taken care of and live a normal life calling his dad papa to like,, paint the picture of normalcy when it's anything but. he probably gets away with small things like this bc he still generally listens to them and follows their ideals, so he's holding onto the small blessings when he can :(

[lunar-lair]

I adore your tags on the post about my cousin asjdkskflg. perfection. and good on you for never doing what the comic showed!

When I was 19, I tried alcohol for the first time. it was basically sparkling fruit juice but I hated it. oh god I hated it so much and I didn’t get why adults loved this stuff??????? but my friends/classmates were always like ‘oh yummy, love me some flavored nail polish” so I kept quiet so no one would know something was wrong with me

turns out everyone I knew was severely exaggerating (trying to fit in). one guy said he dumped his beer in the bushes during a frat party. a girl I went camping with poured water into an empty vodka bottle so she could ‘participate’ without anyone mocking her. a classmate once showed me their trick for pretending to sip by covering the top of the bottle with their hand. I even remember being 22 and trying to claim ‘8 shots don’t affect me’ as if my worth as a human being was calculated by the number of empty glasses I collected

Drinking is a rite of passage for a lot of people. you’re mature if you drink and adults love it, so you can’t be a ‘real adult’ if you don’t drink. It’s less about liking the taste or enjoying yourself - people want to feel part of the ‘in group’ and they do this by othering the ‘out group.’ (in group- likes ‘manly’ drinks, never gets tipsy, takes shots by the handful, etc.) (out group- lightweight, doesn’t drink at all, likes fruity drinks, etc.)

I have severe ADHD and a family history of alcoholism so I have to be extremely careful. addiction is no joke and people don’t treat alcohol like the drug it is. Some families won’t inform their kids of a health history that increases risk factors (or might not even know) which makes underage drinking even more dangerous

…

TO CONCLUDE THIS ADVICE RANT TRIGGERED BY SUDDENLY REALIZING AT 3AM THAT I HAVE MINORS FOLLOWING ME and should probably try to set a good example;

enjoy being 16 and don’t adhere to the rite of passage cultural that makes you ‘look forward to being [insert legal drinking age].’ I know how isolating it can feel when everyone appears to be ‘growing up’ and doing adult things without you, but if nothing else I’ve learned that being the only sober person in a group full of fools is free comedy

*disclaimer for angry internet ppl; things are complex, perspective is subjective, and a single persons experiences cannot be accepted as the ‘one holy truth’*

Oh lmao. Ok ill answer this in blocks the same way you wrote it also hi!!!!! :DDD yet again this is funny?? I spent a good 10 mins commenting on evanescant signs earlier lmao. ok 1st block alright

It is so very funny you say that bc ive actually tried gin. Takes like shitty peppermint and blueberries. Same for red wine, tho i had permission that time (still tasted like shit); never beer tho!! Regardless tonic also tastes Bad, all of my experiences w it have been Bleh. Not to say i ever had more than a sip/severely watered down gulp

PPASNSPSJPD OK LISTEN TO ME. Ive actually tasted nail polish remover AND nail polish before (finger sucking habits r.i.p spaced out bc epic f) AND IT LITERALLY TASTES LIKE THAT AOSJSOSJ. Like the same shit as they put on switch cartridges dude!! Except, comparatively, the only ppl I Personally know who drink like. Period at all are full blown adults i just dont get them either

AND ITS LIKE 4 AM HERE TOO SO IM HANDLING THIS SO V V CLUMSILY RIP but yea!! I mean, peer pressure is lowkey nonexistent in my town; we are so so so so christian and apparently a ton of bad shit happens a lot? But it never reaches me sooo w/e lmao. Literally havent heard abt anyone i know drinking underaged enough for it to be like. Anything other than 'hehehe i sipped the gin in the fridge >:3' like my shit was which is straight up curiosity. Also i already know that lmao; havent been in a room with a bunch of 13 yr olds whove huffed sharpies before?

(Ok 1 how did u get italics in ask?? And 2 lmao dw too bad. Epic disclaimer ofc!! But im like. In this lil Bubble where i have like 180 followers but no one ever actual interacts w my shit its v funny)

[aroaceconfessions]

idk if i'm aro/ace or not (i'm nearly 17, could just be a late bloomer) but this blog makes me feel so much less alone. it's hard not to feel like a pathetic outsider for not desiring sex and romance at this age, what with all my classmates going out and experiencing it. logically i know it doesn't matter that i don't want that stuff but i still have that inherent Teenage Mindset™ of I Must Fit In At All Costs Or Else I'm A Loser. can't wait til i hit my 30s and i stop caring what ppl think lol

[elfyourmother]

ngl that’s part of what has made it so hard for me to cope w gender and why it’s been such a struggle for me my whole life, even if I’ve repressed 95% of it to just be able to survive

is the reason I have felt like an off-brand woman my whole life bc I really am one? Or is it because society has been telling me that since puberty, or even before? that these things I want, that resonate for me—love and tenderness and softness—do not belong to me? is it a little of column A, a little of column B? (I think so)

school was where it really started. I felt like a hulking, gangly creature as a child, I towered over my (almost entirely white) classmates whether boys or girls. And I was treated like one. they made rules that we couldn’t spike on each other in middle school gym class volleyball specifically because of me and my height. they were afraid I would hurt someone even tho side serving was always my strength. (and getting myself to not spike was...impossible tbh. it’s instinctual.) I was cast as Anybodys in the upper school prod of West Side Story even though I desperately wanted to be a Jet Girl—I wanted to wear the cool 50s dresses and strut like Velma and Graziella in the movie...that was a kind of femininity that spoke to me. But no I had to be the tomboy. I enjoyed it, but I was always a little sad and bitter about it even though it was a bigger part.

I have this strong memory of a photo taken the 1 year I went to summer camp, one that many of my classmates went to, and I have my arm wrapped around one of my friends, a much smaller white girl, and I hate that picture because of how long and splindly my arms are and how awkward. I still have visceral memories of taking that picture and how awkward I felt.

I never had a little girlhood. meanwhile my mom was cramming me into molds that didn’t fit me. is it that I have never, ever performed femininity correctly? that I hated being forced into dresses as a very small tomboy who preferred Osh Kosh overalls and Rerun hats. I hated it being imposed on me, I was a defiant little thing with scraped knees who was punished for roughhousing with my male cousins bc I tore my tights (they itched).

in short I always felt like a Thing, not a little girl. Not a boy, but not a girl. Just an inadequate facsimile, like I was thrown into this world expected to just do thing and be a certain way without any kind of guidebook, like I’d been dropped into the ocean and expected to make it to shore without knowing how to swim in a world full of Olympic swimmers who just knew from birth. and I was drowning.

I always felt vaguely like I was in drag when I had to Girl. I tried to fit in with what I saw in the magazines. so much of it was so foreign to an urban dwelling Black girl. But simultaneously was made fun of by the dudes I ran with for caring about it and learned to hide copies of YM and Seventeen and Sassy so they wouldn’t fall out of my backpack when I went to pull out my DM guide during tabletop sessions. Teenage girlhood was very much a white, suburban kind of teenage girlhood. When I look back to what appealed to me it was the Black girl groups and artists—TLC, En Vogue, SWV, Aaliyah...when everyone was going crazy over that Jennifer Aniston haircut I was idolizing Aaliyah. It helped that I had an uncanny resemblance to her, but I wore my hair like her, with The Bang—and she was around my age. (Ppl would call me Baby Girl bc of it) But I had to compartmentalize these things bc they were incompatible w my chosen subculture, so I was led to believe.

when I met my dad and started studying craft I was bombarded w all the gender polarity clownery in Wicca and naturally this led me to believe that I was out of balance somehow and I couldn’t progress as a witch like that (not at all helped by the BTW I was steeped in, even though the witch shop was founded by gays and the owners’ trad they created specifically for lgbt witches that was BTW without the homo/transphobia). I asked dad once if there was any kind of rituals or work I could do to help me be in touch with my goddess energy or webs. he had no idea obviously and was totally unequipped to answer it and it’s not his fault.

the thing is...when I discovered gothdom I discovered that it wasn’t femininity that I hated, but the popular concept of it and having that imposed on me. The first dresses I ever voluntarily wore without peer pressure or parental fiat were Victorian goth things and I felt so...alive. I felt powerful and at home in my skin for the first time in my life. As a choice, on my own terms? It Was Me. And the goth scene back then was way more progressive than mainstream society re: gender and gender expression, literally everyone I knew was bi and we would all regularly make jokes about not knowing the gender of whoever we were making out with and not caring. the first ppl I met who ever used neopronouns were all goths. nothing at all was gendered. to borrow from ass creed nothing was true and everything was permitted. there was beauty in everything odd, none of us were really misfits. I felt Home. Even now Dandy says I always visibly look and seem more confident when I goth out and thinking about it now it’s not just an aesthetic thing, I really think it’s because gothdom has room for Woman But Not Quite, and Not Like I’m Supposed To in a way nothing else does to me.

But that choice wasn’t respected either. obviously my deeply conservative xian family were aghast. But for all I felt home in the subculture you think Black goths are unicorns now? Try the 90s—at least I had my bubble in the witch shop that was extremely diverse, overlapping w the local scene as it did.

Visual kei was enormous to me and it’s worth saying that this is one thing from back then that stayed w me long after I left my obligatory weeb phase. It appealed to the part of me that snuck downstairs to watch Prince videos after my mom went to sleep. The flamboyance and drama of it all deeply spoke to me. There was no such thing as Too Much in that world, and I can’t describe how much that meant to me. Dressing to the fucking hilt to go to lives when bands would actually come to NYC, at the height of the J-culture craze in the early-mid aughts were some of the best times of my life.

Mana specifically was the image of femininity I related to, dark and decadent and weird. A very deliberate very beautiful construction that confused the shit out of everyone!! I used to openly tell folk my fashion idols were gothic Japanese drag queens. but i got so much pushback as a goth femme—for all the camaraderie I was never seen as a romantic option in the circles I ran in bc I was Black (even to other Black ppl!!!!), then seen as an exotic freak by the ppl I dated outside the scene who always wanted me to Tone It Down and got angry and punished me when I couldn’t, etc. I had an older white bf once tell me to change my clothes before we went out bc he was afraid ppl would see me in my fishnets and glittery tights and think he had hired me for a good time (but he was 100% cool w forcing me into dominant roles behind closed doors). Another bf straight up laughed when we sat down one day and I showed him my fave MVs and I felt like he had punched thru my chest and crushed my heart like Fenris. I was never going to be anybody’s big tiddy goth gf (and can I state again for the record how I absolutely viscerally loathe the “goth gf” meme because I do, because nobody realizes how awful it is).

so in my late teens/early 20s I went thru this very deliberately androgynous phase where I was like “if I can’t be beautiful then at least I’ll be interesting” and dressing like Tetsuya Nomura designed me including 9000 belts. But I felt like I was in drag again, in a bad way, the way I hadn’t since I was a kid being forced into dresses, like I wasn’t being authentic, and it hurt.

I align myself w Black womanhood bc it has shaped me, good and bad. It is the lens thru which I view the world, even if sometimes I feel like it doesn’t quite belong to me.

but where I don’t think it’s all just misogynoir getting to me...I go on a lot of Black femininity aesthetic blogs looking Gisele inspo and sometimes some of what I see is so alien to how I have always conceived my sense of femininity. It’s not the aesthetics it’s that some of it is so intensely performative for the male gaze that it’s viscerally upsetting—here I’m thinking about that weird rabbit hole I fell into once of these blogs basically aspiring to mold themselves into the perfect trophy wife for rich men and aside from the offputting materialism of it all, it just looks so fucking exhausting. Even the normal blogs will often feature platitudes about “know your worth” but it’s really rather Orwellian bc it’s never about yourself but your value vis a vis specifically cishet men. It’s deeply cis and heteronormative. I’m interested in a conception of Black womanhood that isn’t constantly concerning itself w men, whether for good or ill—I love men and am attracted to them but my identity does not and cannot revolve around the gendered equivalent of Wanda Sykes’ “white people are lookin at you!” bit in part bc I am Unwoman to them by definition. Does that make sense? And like i know it exists but is so hard to find.

Black Femmehood is very different and is harder to find (I am immensely grateful for iridessence and others for that reason). But that is why Femme is Home in a way Femininity(tm) has never been. Femme is an active choice, Femininity (tw) is an imposition, a construct of Whiteness in all its tyranny (that is absolutely reflected in fandom). my femininity is a kind that has always been deeply queer and I have never felt Seen. it’s a little off kilter and eccentric and always has been. it takes the very carefully constructed But Thou Must rules in all their rigidness and breaks them into tiny pieces, with prejudice.

this is not some “I’m not like the other girls” screed but...I’m really not, and as I’m reading things from Black nonbinary femmes especially who were also AFAB and socialized that way (but not just!!), I feel like I finally found my People, and that’s the real reason I think this is Me.

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

hii, i wanted to ask a question about my bestie xx

i’ve typed her as an enfj bc she’s always seemed like a high Fe type to me and the enfj function stack and descriptions of them on various websites were describing her very well. me and her are very different “people-wise”: she always talks abt ppl behind their backs while maintaining friendly attitude talking WITH them, always compliments ppl to get something she wants(some of our teachers always loved her bc she knew how to get their love and trust); then me…i’m an isfp…totally opposite, i have only a few friends, i hate talking behind people’s back, never “sucked up” on anyone, including teachers(some of them still love me, but for different reasons), i can’t compliment people i don’t like(tbf, i can’t compliment AT ALL, very bad at words, unlike my friend) and etc. I also don’t like lying to people and friends, and she, on the other hand lies or manipulates her words quite a lot(sometimes it helps her getting what she wants tho, i must admit).

But i’ve noticed recently that she’s very secretive…like…really secretive. She never shows her true feelings or struggles to her friends(or me, at least, lmao)…We both keep our feelings inside, but I have high Fi and I thought this kind of way of dealing with emotions was kinda Fi-ish. Not that she shows her friends her fake emotions, but more like she deals with them on her own.

also, she’s very impulsive in terms of her interests? more than me sometimes(and i have aux Se)…she gets heavily invested, for example in her choice of her future career and has her future in this career all planned(what uni will she graduate, how successful she might be, how “cool” will she be, etc.) and she talks about it(her new interest/hobby or her career choice) so passionately, that you think “omg, she REALLY wants to be a therapist/marketing specialist/dentist/whatever”, and she seems really invested in it, but then she DROPS it…like, she suddenly “realizes” it’s not what she wants or that that profession isn’t as good/profitable as she thought. She also cancels plans last minute a lot. It can be her, who encourages and organises our friend group’s gathering, but then gets out of it last minute herself, sometimes trying to make really pathetic excuses(but sometimes they’re very well-thought, such as “my parents asked me to babysit my little siblings” so none of us could blame her for telling that she won’t go w us last minute). I’m not telling it’s always lies. I’m sure sometimes her parents really don’t allow her to go somewhere or ask to babysit, but why does she always tell us that last minute!? sometimes she does things for her own benefit, like she’d rather go out with a person who has a good camera(so they could take pics for her), rather than someone she’s closer to and will have better time with. she’s also very insecure deep down. me too, but i don’t want people’s approval as much as her. she’s always scared to gain weight or look bad to her boyfriend, even though he’s the nicest guy i’ve ever met and has always told her that she’s the most beautiful girl ever and he would love her no matter what. perhaps i could also describe her as “all talk, no actual actions” and it hurts me isfp ass very much :((

we also have a lot of passive aggression in our relationship, bc we’re both hate conflicts in some way, and sometimes supress our anger towards each other(i tend to sometimes burst out tho), so ig she’s more passive aggressive than me and never tells me what’s wrong, therefore i can never tell if i offended her or not. idk, maybe she thinks the sam abt me?

she’s not a bad person tho, she’s a good friend and we’ve been friends for a long time, but sometimes she acts very very strange and i’m not the only one who has noticed this.

maybe you could help me…from what i’ve described, does she seem enfj type 3(have difficulty telling what her wing is)? ty in advance ❤️

Based on this it sounds like you are both in your mid-teens, and so honestly I would just give it some time if you want to type her because while your personality certainly exists at this time, it’s very much in flux. A lot of this just sounds like she’s dealing with a lot of insecurity and expectations and it’s hard to say if it’s typology governing these actions or if it’s just like...being 16 or 17 (which is what I’ve assumed from this).

I’m not sure what her type is but here are a couple of things that might help you, and I will say that ENFJ doesn’t sound wrong given that assumed age. It could be - looking at ENFP or ESFP wouldn’t hurt - but a lot of her behaviors seem in line with high Fe and even with Ni I would expect a certain amount of impulsivity and indecision at her stage of development.

First, try to think about her in terms of who she is without comparing to yourself. I don’t know for sure if you’re an ISFP - you might be, or you might not be - so if you compare to yourself and you are mistyped then you’re working off an incorrect basis for comparison in the first place and that will make everything harder. Try to think how she compares to people you know in general - and especially your peers. Is she more impulsive than most of your classmates? Less? Around average?

Second, I have found the idea that high Fi users are more private and high Fe users are less private to be absolutely false; I think it is partly based on a Tumblr user who mistyped as an Fe user for a long time but then realized they were a high Fi user and was trying to make that fit and it’s persisted long past that. A lot of high Fi users, especially extroverted ones, are very expressive, and a lot of high Fe users can be private - Fe users are typically very attuned to what others think of them and so might keep their emotions on lockdown or hide them in order to elicit a certain response (Fe-dom 3s, for example, will absolutely do this). As a rule thinkers and introverts are more private with their emotions than feelers and extroverts but that’s about the extent of it.

And finally, and I tell most people this especially when they bring up not just a typology question but also some conflicts or personal difficulties; I get that you are asking me for help with MBTI, and that’s the main help I feel like I have any ability to give and I know unsolicited advice is often unwelcome so feel free to ignore, but: MBTI does not solve interpersonal (or intrapersonal) problems. It can be a very helpful and powerful tool, but knowing is only half the battle (or something). A person who knows literally nothing about MBTI but is an empathetic and thoughtful communicator who does not shy away from healthy confrontation will do better than a typology expert who lacks even one of those traits. If you want to know her type, review the first few paragraphs and see if that helps and feel free to revisit after some time, but if you want to like, know why she keeps flaking on you, then unfortunately getting over the fear of confrontation and potentially upsetting someone will be a far more effective use of time.

[shouta-aizawow]

1) Hope u are ok, i will let you this one here. Bakugou coming out as asexual-aromanitc, and having to explain to everyone what is it. (And if you want angst, people not believing him, that he's not grown enough to know, all that bullshit) Sorry is a little bit of proyection.

I’m doing well, thank you!!! And dw, I project HARDCORE and I also LOVE aroace Katsuki so it’s all good!! (i’m actually gonna project a bit in this one lol)

OKAY!!!

When the other kids were busy talking about crushes and who they were dating, Katsuki was focused on becoming a hero.

He had no time for romance, especially that sappy type he always sees on tv.

No, Katsuki was gonna become the greatest hero, and he would do that alone.

He never thought much of it. It didn’t seem unusual to him that he never had an interest in anyone else, that he couldn’t join in on conversations where the topic was romantic love or sexual attraction.

In fact, he felt smug when all the other extras were held down by girlfriends and boyfriends and datemates while he was forging on ahead. Seeing the confusion and awe on their faces when he told them that he had never been attracted to anyone was enough to erase the slight embarrassment he felt at not being able to relate to them.

Katsuki was invincible, unaffected by the curse that is romantic and sexual attraction, and he needs to let everybody know it.

(A few years later, at the tender age of 13, Katsuki finds he isn’t a superior being, he’s just aroace...

Well... okay then.)

He is aroace and still unaffected by the curse that is romantic and sexual attraction!

He didn’t really have friends to share his epiphany with, and the extras that followed him around were too dense to know what he was talking about to care. Besides, they’d probably just hear that he wasn’t attracted to girls and throw a fit.

Anyway, it’s not like he really wants to share this. No, this information is for Katsuki and Katsuki only.

But when he gets into UA, starts building a, admittedly reluctant at first, relationship with his classmates, the desire to tell them something he’s kept locked away grows.

It all comes to a head one night at the dorms. It’s a rare night of him hanging out in the common room with most of his other classmates.

Katsuki doesn’t know how the conversation steers this way, but the topic is now crushes. Some people are coming out, some people are just observing. Katsuki is becoming bored, and just as he gets up to leave, he’s noticed and asked, “Who do you have a crush on?”

He’s tempted to ignore the question, but surrounded by this open group of people that showed their support whenever someone revealed themself to be gay or bisexual or pan, he has the urge to let them know this part of him as well.

So he replies. “I don’t have one.”

“So who did you have a crush on?”

“Never had one either, Earjacks.”

Everyone becomes interested now.

Jirou looks skeptical, “It’s not weak to have a crush, yknow. If you don’t wanna tell us, fine, but to lie—”

“I ain’t lying, I’m aroace.”

There’s silent confusion, and Katsuki’s heartbeat thunders in his chest.

Someone asks what that is and, huffing, Katsuki tells them, “It means I don’t experience romantic, aro, or sexual, ace, attraction.”

They ignore his muttered “dumbasses” in favor of questioning him with a “You don’t, or you haven’t?”

“I just said I don’t. What are you on about?”

Kaminari then decides to speak up. “Dude, just give it time! You don’t know who you’re gonna meet that’ll knock you right off those stubborn feet of yours.” And he punctuates it with a wink.

Katsuki is getting annoyed.

“Okay, whatever. If that happens, that happens, but right now, it hasn’t. Therefore, I’m choosing the label aroace.”

Momo, with a finger on her chin and a contemplative expression on her face decides to voice, “But aren’t you acting a little hasty, Bakugou-kun? You shouldn’t use such a definitive label when you’re so young.”

Some people are voicing their agreement, and Katsuki feels like screaming, but he’s too busy being frozen in shock, looking at Momo with with the most incredulous look he could muster.

“What the actual fuck? How is me calling myself aroace any more ‘definitive’ than y’all calling yourself gay?” He can’t help the crack in his voice as he continues, “I’m genuinely confused.”

Before they could reply, Katsuki asks his own question with the most deadpan look he could offer:

“Do you ever wanna date a cat?”

There are exclamations of “No” and looks of bewilderment, but Katsuki continues, crossing his arms.

“Well I don’t think you should act so certain. I mean, maybe you haven’t met the right cat, yet.”

They’re telling him that that’s different, shouldn’t be used as an argument.

But then Kirishima perks up, and Katsuki feels dread consume him.

“Love, or don’t love I guess, who you... don’t... love, bro!”

And Katsuki feels hope bloom in his chest.

Only to have it crushed with his best friend’s next words.

“But we’re just trying to help you! We don’t want you to feel like you’re moving too fa—“

“Not only did I not ask for any help, but how is any of this helping me?!” Katsuki throws his arms in the air. “I came out to you guys, something we’ve been doing all evening, and you have the audacity to tell me I’m wrong?!”

He’s pacing now.

“Why the hell are you acting like I’m signing a death wish with my identity! You guys are the biggest fucking hypocrites, holy hell.”

Katsuki shakes his head and storms off, unwilling to be in that toxic situation any longer.

The next few days are met with guilt-ridden eyes from his classmates and the cold shoulder from him.

They don’t try to approach him, and for that, Katsuki is grateful, because he doesn’t know what he’d do if the people that rejected who he is tried to act like they did nothing wrong.

Yeah, maybe they weren’t being malicious, maybe it was just ignorance, but Katsuki is by no means obligated to forgive nor teach them. Until they pull their heads out of their asses and realize there’s a plus after LGBTQ for a reason, he’s perfectly fine with the distance.

OKAY SO TWO ENDINGS

1) The class that was there does their research and apologizes and are forgiven and whatnot (happy ending)

2) The class doesn’t do their research and just assumes that Katsuki doesn’t want to have sex or kiss anyone. They apologize, but the relationship is still tense with their ignorant comments and jokes. Katsuki is still hurt, especially when they start dating each other or other students, and he’s left to be the only one that values a strong friendship over romance. He feels left behind. (Angsty ending)

OR WAIT!!! ANOTHER ENDING!!!

3) The class doesn’t apologize or do their research, because they think Katsuki was making a big deal out of nothing. After those few weeks of the silent treatment, they try to approach him and act like everything is great.

Katsuki is angry and hurt, but eventually he finds comfort and very close friendships with Todoroki, Tokoyami, Shinsou, and Shoji. Not all of them are aroace, but they’re on the spectrum for one or both (bittersweet ending)

IM DONE!!! This honestly didn’t go the way I was thinking it would go, but I ain’t upset so it’s all good.

So ofc I projected with the being annoyed when people act like my sexuality isn’t a real thing (which is lots of ppl online and the classmates I told when they asked)

Also, that part about telling people that you’ve never had a crush and being smug when they’re like :0? Yeah, I used to do that until I was 13 when my older sib was like “yeah, you’re aroace” and I was like :0 “i saw that term in one fanfiction years back but i genuinely didn’t think abt it when i looked up to see what ‘ace’ meant but it fits perfectly”

So anyway, my sib also told me that what I was is Agender (which I knew abt but thought “that’s not me,,, right?” wrong) and I realized when they asked me if they could tell their friend my gender identity. I was confused like sure?? and then they said i was agender and their friend asked for my pronouns and i said i didn’t care

like,, i thought i was nb, but i wasn’t sure exactly what “type”(?) idk, but after that, i looked at the definition for agender that i didn’t understand before and was like :0 yep that’s me

ANYWAY YOU PROBABLY DIDNT WANT ALL OF THAT PERSONAL MUMBO JUMBO BUT THIS HC RELATES TO ME A LOT SO

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS 💖💗💕💞💝

[hatlvs]

hi  ..  it’s  cecy  again,  i’m  so  sorry  skfdsl  i’m  the  mun  of  OPHELIA  AYDIN,  now  bringing  u  my  son,  atlas  !  just  hit  the  heart  if  u  wanna plot  !  @mapleviewstarters​

『 jonathan daviss. twenty-two. cis-male. he/him. 』 oh heavens, is that ATLAS HOLMES from CHESTNUT DRIVE i see roaming around mapleview? minnie may’s always calling them -APPREHENSIVE & -RESOLUTE. i happen to think they’re not that bad! they’re a pretty cool VET INTERN and every time i’ve seen them, they’ve always been +DILIGENT & +INTUITIVE. i hope i see them around again!

tw: drugs, physical abuse, stabbing.

THEN:

atlas is born and raised in mapleview, been here his whole life, his family has been here for several generations and the name is very respected. his grandparents were very involved in town politics and stuff

his parents are the town’s weirdos like they’re very open, very fun, were definitely hippies once upon a time and still kinda live by that. everyone who’s met them and are friends of atlas’ are adopted by the holmes’ now. i don’t make the rules

atlas has an older brother, orion, yes his parents had a theme, and after they got him things became really hard for two ppl who weren’t really used to taking responsibility. they started using a lot and whilst they were always very loving, they also tended to unintentionally neglect their son

things got worse when atlas came around, definitely a mistake and his parents tried their best to fit him into their lives, but there really was no room for children in their then current lifestyle

a long custody battle erupted between atlas’s parents and atlas’s grandparents. most of atlas’ early childhood was spent bouncing between them, but at 7 his grandparents won custody over him. orion, 14 at the time, got to stay with their parents

his grandparents were a literal nightmare, very religious people, atlas was not allowed to do pretty much anything he wanted to do and was expected to be the perfect grandson at all times. any mistake was punished, any time he spent w friends outside of school hours were punished. that didn’t stop him from sneaking out to hang out w lane tho

he was very often physically abused, would show up with new wounds and bruises every week at school, but would ofc blame it on being clumsy etc etc. it’s a small town so some people definitely had an inkling

at 13, atlas had a fight with his grandfather which resulted in a kitchen knife in his chest, a sudden but deliberate action not meant to kill, but definitely to harm. he was hospitalized for a week and it was then he was given back to his parents as his grandparents would never see him or any family again really. today atlas has a scar, but no other wounds/ailments (except the trauma).

his parents really did their best all those years to get him back, but in a town where atlas’ grandparents were so influential very few wanted to get on their bad side — and who would believe a reckless couple who couldn’t care for their own children after all?

NOW:

the holmes-case got a LOT of attention not just in mapleview, but nationally. it was a huge scandal, a heartbreaking case, one of the biggest court cases the town had seen. atlas doesn’t like to talk about it simply because he doesn’t wanna be pitied or defined by it. of course, he’s never going to escape it entirely

after atlas moved to chestnut drive at 19 to live by himself, his parents moved out of town and have opened a fox sanctuary where they save foxes from fur farms. they have about 15 foxes in total and atlas has a large outer area at his own place for his own pet fox, malakai

loves his parents, doesn’t get along w his brother bc atlas is lowkey bitter and has trust issues

works as a vet intern just outside of town and loves his job

PERSONALITY / MISC:

*aggressively* “i’m FINE” 

atlas is a really chill and respectful dude, gets along w everyone for the most part. be nice to him and he’s nice to you, it’s always been that simple

he’s pretty logical and intelligent, has a tendency to let that rule over his feelings tho

does not shy away from physical touch, if you need a hug or some cuddle time he’s got your back

not the most gregarious type, he’s quite the introvert, but he makes exceptions if u get close to him

has a lot of respect for animals and the environment. there lives a tiny sjw within him

loves nature!! wants to live in the woods. hozier probably wrote a song about him

atlas struggles with (rarely, but it happens) anger issues. he never learned how to deal with his emotions and when he was finally back in a loving home the only thing he dared to feel was anger — anger that a whole system let him down

he smokes a LOT of weed, it helps him calm down

a n x i e t y

it’s clear his past has left some imprints bc he still flinches when people around him move very suddenly, but he’s getting better gradually

he goes to therapy, but he hasn’t told anyone but lane

abandonment issues, big time. does get kinda clingy on his closest friends bc of it

has a big old van he drives around in like the lil hippie he is

TL;DR:

nice boy who has endured a lot of pain in his childhood. loves his friends, has a pet fox rescued from a fur farm. calm and pragmatic most of the time, but can react with anger if he’s facing difficult emotions he doesn’t know how to respond to. anxious and doesn’t know how to trust himself. has the aesthetics of a witch honestly.

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS (whatever gender is fine)

a neighbor of his grandparents (they lived on main street), someone who probably sorta knew what was happening there whilst atlas grew up. could be someone older or someone around his own age. could’ve tried to report it or not

former classmates !

a flirtationship ! they lowkey look like they’re dating, but they always brush the comments off. could be just platonic but could also turn romantic !

someone atlas used to crush on and it was super obvious and he’s still awkward about it

someone he babysits for, or he walks their dog, or something like that idk i’m not great at these

exes on good terms

exes on bad terms

sibling-like friendship

protective friendship

neighbors! chestnut drive gang come thru

friends !!! lots of them

someone he lowkey dislikes bc they’re part of the system that failed him ? idk how this would work but i’m throwing it out there 

anything anything anything at all

[onf-headcanons]

ONF UNIVERSITY AU

A/n : ok this is just the first (?) elaboration of the au. This is also meshed with senpai au. I actually already had a few moodboards (Yuto and Minseok ones) and a senpai AU of Seungjoon that opened up the idea, its just i did not have the time and luxury to expand the au. Another reason was that timing i am still learning about ONF so I don't want to go too OOC on things I am not familiar with.

To keep it short, the boys actually formed a dance club and they named themselves ONF

I do said dance club but if you wanna utilise it like F4 from meteor garden, it totally flexible

Also totally doable if you wanna use the university au as the main worldbuilding for other AU, examples, Sibling AU, or any BF headcanons I have mentioned like the MTL for PDA. MTL to confess and MTL to leave hickies, so do check out masterlist (that is constantly updating )

Also, even though it might retcon some setting I have already done, but it is totally doable for University AU to be the prequel for Office AU.

OH HEADS UP, FOR THIS AU I AM ALTERING THEIR AGE. Their real life age difference are about 4-5 years which is unrealistic to fit for the au, so shrink age difference to 1-2 years. 

One of the project they did as a dance club, which they uploaded

Let see the members headcanons below

Hyojin : Probably musical student but if we were to jump out from stereotype,I do feel him studying marketing (analysts side)

OK if this boy does not finish his assignments in the cafeteria, then he is not Kim Hyojin lol. Constantly munching something while he trying to finish assignment or solve a problematic question

Even if Seungjoon drags him to library to do assignments . HYOJIN DEFO GONNA MAKE EXCUSE TO BUY BEVERAGE FOR THE 2 OF THEM AND SNEAKS OUT FOR A SHORT WHILE.

The type that try his best on getting good results on every class. But he never brags about it.

Should we give him a senpai au plot, I would write him as the senpai you have a crush on since high school and you did not know he attend the same university as you.

Changyoon : Design student for sure😉 Interior design, graphic design or even fashion design. Oh! Film Director also not bad? (I mean he has loads of ideas and thoughts also let's not forget about Incomplete MV)

Ppl which are not in their circles would be like, "how did you even get along with the others?" Because his majors are very different compared to the other 6

Hmm I do feel it is more like Changyoon did not make the first move to join the group. Probably the Capricorns/ENFPS (Seungjoon or Jaeyoung)

So maybe he kinda drop by to a short marketing class so that he can gain insight on how advertisements film can grasp audience heart. There he either met Hyojin or Seungjoon (maybe both) ,then only the bond gets deeper

After knowing each other he finally comfortable to be himself and does not feel awkward anymore...

Also including this hc here because I only thought of it when writing. HYOJIN,CHANGYOON, SEUNGJOON AND MINKYUN teaming up to sing something? Like them 4 have a YouTube channel that upload their covers, without showing their faces, using illustrations drawn by Changyoon

Seungjoon : Could go for science genre or maybe business administration? Also anything related with mathematics(that need flexible solving) might suit him too

Might occasionally appear in the library. Not really searching for books to read,more on giving himself the environment to complete assignments. But visits bookstore too

Maybe, the most social-able being in the group. Constantly waving or say hi to acquaintance/classmates passing by. Even though that, there are never rumours or scandals of Seungjoon being playboy. (But totally the first one in the group to get a GF, hint established in his senpai au)

Like people only notices the group because of him because of his social skills. Its kind of like the fairy who brings/enlarge the fandom lol

You can read his Senpai au here

Might doing part time job at a cafe nearby university because of distance+ time convenience purposes. The other members of the group might occasionally hang out at the place, waiting for him to finish his shift or Yuto to finish his lessons and then they go eat dinner

Jaeyoung : High chance of choosing communication related genre or/also social science/sociology related genre. I won't be surprised if he will choose psychology or behavioural science

Easily to find him in library searching for books to read/expand his pov. Sitting beside windows

One of the hyungs that will explains Korean to Yuto. Especially idioms.

First impression would be the quiet good looking one that definitely gonna stay back to ask lecturer more questions

The second on in the group to get a GF. But very very low key.

Linking to the tutor AU I posted recently, he might be teaching online to gain extra income because he does not want to do part time job to exhaust himself as he want to reserve energy to dance. Which also the main factor he suggested Yuto to do online teaching later

Minkyun : Musical student but focusing on composing. To jump from stereotypes, he could be going to broadcast communications, to become professional radio DJ

He might also join another club which is established by uni it self to make radio broadcast that plays at the cafeteria.

Cues in other members all recognise his voice immediately. Lol if he qccidentally messed up on some wordings, the next time they meet they are gonna tease him for sure haha

OK this applies to all of them but I only remembered to include this during writing for Minkyun, the boys are totally banned from playing any games at the cafeteria lol (not a strict ban but they are loud lol.) So they changed plans to play game and hangout at home, with Yuto coming over to sleep over.

Yuto : the exchange student / the foreign student who is majoring in Korean language. High chance going for Korean language teaching later.

Once they knew Yuto's Korean Proficiency level are above average, the boys are supportive and proud of him af. Lol also his devilish hyungs teasing him that he should get a girlfriend, it is a way to master language lol

Cues in his hyungs helping him out by giving him small tests of Korean grammar

Could be the only one who lives in university dorms. But he gets to have sleepovers with his hyungs at their house during weekends (rent or family residence,up to you)

Even encourages him to try out online teaching beginners first to gain experiences

Probably feeling sadden the most when found out Minseok had to quit university. Also could not help feeling lonely when his hyungs graduated. (Some did extend studies but some did not. My hunch, Minkyun and Chang Yoon could be the first two to graduated first. Jaeyoung and Yuto being the last two to graduate)

Minseok : a junior who studies history and choosing Japanese + Chinese as sub majors. Who knows, he might choose translating/interpreting as major later (I mean have you seen some interviews where he used Japanese and Chinese, damn his pronunciation is good, trust me cos i speak both language)

Did not get to stay long, maybe just 1 year and a half then he had to quit university because his whole family are moving out from the country (no worries they contact each other online frequently). His hyungs defo doing a farewell party for him.

Even though short time, but he gained the title of university sweetheart by the first day he starts uni. 

Same as Seungjoon and Jaeyoung, the type to find him in library alot.

Of course gonna ask Yuto a lot of Japanese grammar questions

BTW if link to Sibling AU, should we link it to the double Kim household, Minseok did not drop out. He could have participated an exchange program and had to leave for overseas to complete a course at a better institute

A/N : Ok I am gonna stop here before it gets even messier (slaps forehead I changdolled while writing this)

[hwkhs]

BNHA students in Pokémon

summary: Some BNHA students and their Pokemon team and status if they were in that world. (part one, i want to make a mini series out of this so it’s heavily self-indulgent)

warnings: none

style & genre: bulleted; au

notes: a self-indulgent thing for me b/c this au has to happen. Thank you for reading. also i am in the midst of writers block but the last requests will be out soon!

most of the bullets will be in relation to the main character izuku because why not

*teams inspired by this because i had trouble figuring out who would fit with who and honestly bakugo’s team looks like him aHA

Main Traveling Group:

Midoriya Izuku

Starting Aventure: bulbasaur, aipom

Completed Team: venusaur, lucario, ambipom, floatzel, butterfree, garchomp

I was gonna say he gives off main character vibes then I remembered he was actually a main character already good job ness

but yes izuku here is on his way to become a pokemon champion!

i’m thinking he’d be pretty well-rounded with his team but his starter is definitely a grass type

his pokemon are so concerned whenever they go check out some cave or ancient ruin

izuku’s like “let’s explore!”

and his pokemon look at each other and then at him like “but please don’t try to move and jump on stuff alone pLeAsE bE cAREFUL”

they have venusaur keep him in vines sometimes

literally everyone loves him (all the gym leaders, all the recovery girls, etc.)

he manages to have todoroki and shinsou as travel buddies like how 

they’re all like “i didn’t start training to make friends” and boom they’re a close knit group

very very ambitious and headstrong in his goals

he did get noticed by the champion after all  *cough* all might *cough*

Todoroki Shouto

Starting Adventure: eevee, eevee, milotic

Completed Team: glaceon, flareon, ninetails, alolan ninetails, milotic, volcarona

he’s izuku’s first travelling companion

his father wanted him to become the strongest trainer to carry on his family tradition but he just wanted to see the rest of the world, considering he’s been couped up training for most of his life

he was sent off on his own trainer journey and was unknowledgeable about a lot of real world things

when he met izuku, he was cold towards him but warmed up after seeing how dedicated and kind the other was to pokemon and people alike

“it’s your destiny, todoroki!” ahaha get it

like i said, everyone loves izuku even shouto

todo is cold to strangers but is kind to them after becoming friends

trainers like battling with him because he’s offers their pokemon the eXPENSIVE full restores after battle

and their pokemon swoon over how nice and pretty he is while he tends to their wounds

speaking of pokemon, his are hot and cold as expected

sometimes they clash but he’s always there to be the mediator

he’s unfamiliar with “common” things because he grew up in a closed off environment

likes travelling around, experiencing new things and meeting new people along the way

Shinsou Hitoshi

Starting Adventure: gengar, purrloin

Team: gengar, liepard, espeon, skitty, weaville, crobat, meinshao

the people around him, mainly his classmates, were afraid of him because of the pokemon he attracts

he also had gengar since he was young, the pokemon being a gift from his parents

every time he tries to make friends they run off because his pokemon’s looks make the other ppl scared

that’s why he now rejects anyone trying to get close to him because the last time it happened they just used him

he couldn’t reject izuku though aha so yeah he’s part of the group now

he is a pretty laidback trainer and is more focused on techniques rather than pure strength

mentor aizawa

took shinsou under his wing when he was young and shinsou always calls him for guidance or just for a chat

has a weakness for cat-like pokemon

the main reason he actually joined izuku’s group is because the green haired male saved a skitty

she’s is the newest addition to his team and he loves her aww

he’s the voice of reason for the group but sometimes he just holds back when he wants something interesting to start especially when bakugo challenges izuku or todoroki to a battle

Challengers & Rivals: 

Bakugou Katsuki

Starting Adventure: cyndaquil

Completed Team: typhlosion, electrode, magmortor, arcanine, houndoom, primeape

all pokemon stories have rivals okay bakugou is pERFECT for this

he and izuku met when they were little and because he was more into battling and training, he got annoyed when izuku was recognized by the champion

all his pokemon are as fiery as he is aHA

they love training and can keep up with their trainer’s outbursts and all that we love supportive teammates

he scares every single person he goes up against EXCEPT for izuku & co.

todoroki 's unbothered, shinsou calls bluff on his intimidation, and izuku sees him as a role model as well as rival

gets really annoyed with the trio because he just can’t fULLY beat them

the win ratios are pretty even but this boy wants to win all of his battles with a large power gap because that’s how he rolls

he LOVES using power and intimidation when battling and it’s actually pretty cool to watch his matches

they always have some type of flare to them and never get boring

overall, he’s a strong and resilient trainer who worked hard to get to the top

Kirishima Ejirou

Position: Fighting-Type Gym Leader

Team: blaziken, infernape, hariyama, machamp, medicham, hitmonchan

i’ll just make all their ages ambiguious k thanks

i feel like he’d be a really good gym leader

he’s so uplifting and motivational, it doesn’t affect the self-esteem of anyone who loses to him because he’s there complimenting their strengths and giving them pointers on what they and their team can work better on

man i wish he was in game now he’d be my favorite

he kind of reminds me of island kahuna hala in a way

trains with bakugo a lot because, though the blond won’t admit it, he actually likes training with him kiribaku

when he meets the main group, they all lost their first battle with him because this guy just knows

he’s so in-tune with his pokemon, all that strength and in their bond is so strong

after giving them their fair share of praise and advice, their second battles were won and they received their fighting badges :)

Kaminari Denki

Position: that pikachu guy Electric-Type Gym Leader

Team: pikachu (ik ik but it fits ok), girafig, ampharos, plusle, minun

so hype much wow very exciting

every single battle he does is so flashy with all these effects and whatnot but it fits his aesthetic

think nimbasa city and the runway elesa has before she battles someone

that’s all him

now, his team isn’t really built on defense but they do have a lot of special power, mostly seen in their use of thunderbolt they all know how to use thunderbolt what the heck denki

at one point in his life he thought about owning a farm where pikachu could hang out

he just really likes pikachus and everywhere there’s one they follow him because he looks like them

he’s kind of more bark than bite and might accidentally electrocute himself during battle

concerned izuku when he walked right into a thunderbolt

todoroki was about to ask if he wanted a full restore before the boy realized that it was only for pokemon

he’s in it for the fun of the battle and doesn’t really care if he loses or not unless the trainers are all talk much like he is but ily denki

Iida Tenya

Positon: that trainer they meet on a mountain i’m sorry iida

Team: skamory, straptor, bisharp, gallade

he reminds me of all the trainers that stand there and are like “LeT’s BaTtLe” when you walk in their line of vision

much love iida but that’s who you remind me of haha

he’s the guy that goes by the rules ofc and is a v good sport after losing a battle

when he encounters the main group, he’s training with his pokemon

they were building up and reinforcing their speed and he saw this as a perfect opportunity to learn by battle new people

lost to all three of them

but as mentioned he’s a good sport and the four of them set up camp for the night on the mountain and talk about strtegies and the like

when they part ways he’s telling them that he’ll see them and battle them again

guy wasn’t kidding they fought him like fifteen times total during their journey

i chose his pokemon based on how they look in comparison to him and laughed when i realized there was gallade

because you know gallade’s arms are like blades it reminds me of how iida does that hand thing

like

it was funnier in my head

Uraraka Ochaco

Position: works at the Pokemon Center, training buddies with the main travelling group

Team: gardevoir, togekiss, musharna, clefairy, jigglypuff

she works at the pokemon center for recovery girl

pink is all i see and it fits her aesthetic really

that rhymed

anyways she is super super sweet and loves working at the center, all the people who come in enjoy seeing her

she actually sees the main trio a lot b/c they and their pokemon do a lot of stuff and end up injured

izuku went to the pokemon center five times in a day and his pokemon weren’t even hurt it was jUST hIM

after that she insisted on coming with them to get some experience outside of the building as well as make sure that they mostly izuku and their pokemon would be alright

half of her pokemon are mature and very, what’s the word, elegant (gardevoir and musharna) and the others are playful yet competitive (togekiss, jigglypuff, & clefairy)

her pokemon know the moves that have to do with teleportation and flying/floating and they enjoy using it even when their trainer is gets motion sickness easily

overall, she joins the group when she can/sees them and they are gratefull to hang out with her

-- more characters to be added soon! --

[des-draws]

it's officially July but I'm still on pride mode!!! can't stop won't stop

Here are my lgbt+/queer hcs for class 1(g)A(y)!!! Here's what they are in case you don't recognize all of the flags (bc let's be real before I started coloring this I wouldn't recognize at least a few of them either ;^; ), strap in bc it's going to get l o n g:

(also they’re listed in the order they’re shown in the deviantart post rather than this one oop)

- Ojiro is trans!! I feel like he prefers being stealth but still celebrates with all his classmates because it's such a special occasion :') - Tooru is pan and a demigirl!!! It's her first pride and she's hyped!!!! And full of love!!!!! Love Is Stored In The Tooru!!! - Todoroki is a gay demiboy!! His trauma has made his experience with gender rather vague and blurry but he's still happy to have a label to somehow describe himself!! He's using End*vor's credit card to buy all of his friends pride merch!! - Midoriya is bi and trans!! He's been so happy to see his friends discover themselves and even more so to see them celebrating :') - Iida is bi!! As the second of the three members of the Rich Kids Club, he also wants to support and reaffirm his friends by buying them pride stuff!! - Kirishima is gay and trans!! I hc that he's been basically the class' go-to for gender identity/sexuality stuff bc he's been out-and-proud since Day 1 until pretty much everyone had a big coming-out ("I'm gay!" "Cool! I think I might be bi! :0c" "I...might...not be a girl???" "I'm pretty sure I'm [ace/genderfluid/etc.]" "What's that?" "Oh, it's [...]" "...might have to look into that. I think it might fit me too?" " :'D !!!!! " ) (he probably cried bc he was so proud of everyone) and then things calmed down a bit . He's a tinsy bit sad ppl no longer come to him for it but he pushes it down because he's just so!!!!!! happy to be surrounded by so many ppl like him!! - Bakugou is gay, trans and demisexual!! The last part was the hardest for him to figure out and he spent a lot of time being confused at other people, it was when Sero shared his own orientations that he thought maybe he wasn't as alone as he had thought :') - Uraraka is bi!! She's spent years thinking her crushes on girls were just her being jealous/wanting to be friends with them/not as important/stong as the crushes she's had on boys. She's getting over that internalized stuff now and I'm proud of her!! - Tsuyu is a trans girl and a lesbian!! She's been very open about wanting people to call her "Tsuyu-chan" because she chose that name herself!! And she's so happy that everyone here is supportive of her and each other!! - Yaomomo is also a lesbian!! This is her first pride, she's so excited to see all these people with different identities and experiences come together, and while she could easily create pride merch herself she much rather prefers supporing the indepentent LGBT+/Queer creators selling their own! (Hence why she bought two different variations of the lesbian flag for both her and Jirou!) (and probably many more of the stuff you see everyone wearing lol) - (Speaking of,) Jirou is also also a lesbian and also nonbinary!! Her only connection to girlhood is her love for other girls, but other than maybe updating her wardrobe a little she doesn't mind presenting femininely. - Sero is asexual, demiromantic and genderflux!! He's v. chill about everything, he probably found out and was like "Oh. Ok cool. I'm hungy" like he has a very laid-back attitude abt his identity/orientation but he Will defend his friends' to hell and back. Group mom heck yea - Kaminari is bi and nonbinary!! He was scared shitless to the point of losing sleep when he started figuring out that he miiiight like boys too, and even more so when he realised he might not even be a boy?? Thankfully being surrounded by so many supportive people (and having Kirishima as one of his closest and more trustworthy friends) helped him accept himself :') - Mina is pan and trans!! She's always been very open about being a Romantic™ but rather than being the Disaster Pan that gets flustered around everyone, she's the Disaster Pan that flirts shamelessly using Terrible pick up lines ("If we were dating...heh.....let's just say horses wouldn't be called horses anymore ;) " was the first ever thing she said to Kirishima, which earned her an extremely confused and somewhat flustered "I'm????ga y???? ???????" (it was the first time he'd admitted it out loud so he kinda thanks her for that) ) - Tokoyami is bi and trans!! A while back I read a fic that happened to have trans Tokoyami in it and was like "You know what. Yeah I can see it!" Emo culture is probably what helped him realize, with it playing around with and disregarding gender stereotypes and everything. - Aoyama is transmasculine, genderfluid and aromantic!! For the longest time he'd much rather have people mistake him for a feminine/gnc boy rather than a girl. It took him a while to come to terms with his aromanticism, since pretty much everyone expected him to be gay- he kinda expected it himself too, since he never liked girls that way, so?? But when he found out about the term "aromantic" it was like a weight lift off his shoulders. - Shoji is netrois and androsexual!! He knew he liked boys early but he's avoided dealing with figuring out his gender out of fear that he'd be disappointed- he's only ever seen nonbinary/genderqueer people depicted as androgynous and much smaller in stature than himself, so he thought he'd never fit. Seeing everyone else come out (especially the other nonbinary classmates of his), he stopped hesitating and starting working on coming to terms with himself!! - Satou is asexual and panromantic!! I don't really have much reasoning for this, I never really thought about it (or Satou himself) but when the time came to draw this I was like "Satou likes baking.....and puns are ace culture......FOOD PUNS!!! OF COURSE!!!" I'm sorry glkjhklhfdlkhj; - Koda is a trans boy!! He's had trouble recognizing it at the start because he's always been soft-spoken (almost nonverbal) and timid and kind, and """"those aren't traits of a boy""""" but he was so happy when he hit puberty and started growing So Much in stature due to his genes and people started "mistaking" him for a boy!! He came out to his parents almost immediately bc compassion and kindness seems to run in the family and he knew he'd be accepted even if they didn't completely understand!! He was more scared to come out to his classmates but when two, three, four of them come out and are accepted for being trans boys, he knows he'll be safe with them too. - And finally, last but not least, Aizawa is gay and trans!! He might act somewhat aloof about this stuff, but secretly he's very happy that his kids students all have eachother's support, and most of them their families'. Part of him is a little bitter and wishes he had the same kind of support system in their age, but he's going to be there for them if they need him nonetheless. He has his own support system now, and that matters a lot, too.

But wait!! There's M O R E !!!!! - I always love love LOVE how fanartists/editors give some of the characters more animal-like features, so I did that too!!! I went Full-on-Frog with Tsuyu (and I'm rather proud of how she came out (lol) ), but also I gave Mina some Sharp Chompers and a Fluffy lil' tail bc It's What She Deserves, and Ojiro a lil' toof poking out and ears that sharpen a lil bit at the tips? I hc that as he grows, other than his tail he'll start growing more animal features like that- sharper teeth, longer ears, claws and also, get ready.....pawbeans........the last ones give him Heck when they start growing out, and he needs his palms massaged at least once a day while they do :'( His legs get weird too and they end up looking more like a wolf's back legs :0c - I gave a lot of them freckles!!!! bc I Love Freckles!!!!!! also, as my sister very eloquently pointed out, I gave Uraraka "A R M S,,,,," bc. let's be honest. the girl got martial training she's not a twig - Sero is holding the polyamorous flag behind himself, Kaminari and Mina bc.. u guessed it,, they're all dating each other,,,,, lotsa smooches and cuddling and shenanigans bc there's only maybe one(1) braincell between the three of them and most of the time sero has it - Todoroki, Midoriya, Iida, Kirishima, Bakugou, Tsuyu, Yaomomo, Koda and Aizawa are also autistic. Yes all of them. No I won't explain. (unless you ask in good faith and want to share your own hcs pls ask me then I'll explain everything and you can expect it to be as long as this description!!!!!) (I might draw something about it when it's April again maybe *thinking emoji* ) - Oh!!! and Tooru, Kaminari and Mina are ADHD. Kirishima is also dyslexic. - Bakugou has been losing his hearing ever since he entered U.A.- sure he's always used his quirk but never freely to that extend and with so much power behind it, so getting into fight after fight with such close proximity to explosions that big really did a number on his ears. He can hear a little better with the right one than the left, so Kirishima has gotten used to walking by his right side before his custom hearing aids came in, and then just stuck to that. Bakugou's custom hearing aids block out any noise above a certain volume bc let's assume technology has advanced to do that. When he and Kirishima started thinking about working together as heroes even after they graduate, Bakugou requested custom ear protectors with similar block-out features as his hearing aids for Kirishima so his ears aren't damaged by working so close to Bakugou (Kirishima cried). - I'm actually quite flexible on which of the two I hc as trans, or if I hc both of them to be. The "both gay + demi Bkg" is pretty set in my interpretation of them, but I find it interesting how their friendship/relationship could manifest and grow somewhat differently depending on if both of them are trans or if only one of them (and depending on which one of them it is). They're still the same loud rowdy boyes we know and love but there's different conversations to have and difficulties to tackle between them based on that factor alone, and frankly? I Adore It.

Okay that's all!!!! I think. Thanks for reading, if you did!! And if not, I completely understand lol

I hope you had a great pride month!!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

another prompt saga

April 8th: Talk about friendship. How important are friends to you? Do you find it hard to make and maintain friendships? Are your friends generally supportive? Is there anything about having friends that confuses you?

another big question for me to go on plenty of tangents lol

well i haven't often had friends Really, there's like, being amicable with classmates, being friends with people While We're At School Together, being friendly acquaintances lmfao, or like, the occasional "yeah ig we're sort of friends, not exactly very close tho" lol and then rarely where yeah i'd call someone a close friend, although naturally, it's not like i completely discount those other, less close relationships. and, even more so, not like overall i'm like "oh friendship? yeah that's pretty frivolous and unimportant and it's just something mildly entertaining vs the Real Shit & True Emotional Support & Love of your biological family and romantic soulmate" lol, Friends Are Important and it's entirely serious 2 me

also natch i Do find it hard to make and maintain friendships lol. goes back to like, preschool and being around a bunch of age peers regularly for the first time, where my "best friend" defaulted to this one person who sought out interacting with me when i was otherwise doing my own thing during preschool recess, and i was pretty enthused about getting invited to a bday party one kid invited a bunch of us to, because that was like, a Friend thing, and a fun social thing, and i was included.....that i Do remember just feeling like, socially, everyone else was playing a game i didn't know the rules to and so couldn't expect to participate and, furthermore, i ought to stay out of the way of whatever everyone else was doing, where i Did often choose to do stuff by myself, but it's like, you know, the way "autistic" is even used figuratively (which. i have a lot of disdain for) because it's like oh the defining thing really is that telltale "doesn't want to interact with other people or form relationships, probably because also they have no feelings / normal and intrinsic qualities of Humanity" but it's like, if you pay any attention or god forbid ask autistic people about their own experiences, sure everyone has their own varying social approach and anyone might not always be raring to be the center of the party or Not want to do their own thing, but it's not that oh all autistic people aren't interested in social connection, but that like even when you are a small child it's like, oh all these other kids are interacting in this way that isn't really my social style and that shuts me out, and/or attempting to interact with people results in this even subtle, quiet rejection / exclusion that can be picked up on. i wasn't making friends and was often keeping to myself / keeping my head down as it were, but it wasn't because i didn't want to have friends or socialize. my mom was insistent i was a Shy Child lmao and i'd always argue that i wasn't Really, without further explanation though lmao, but it's like, again that i felt that sort of emergent exclusion, and there wasn't any space to interact much on my terms at all, and like, yeah i often stayed quiet / didn't want to mingle with other kids / if i was in a Situation i wanted to know the How To of navigating it / what to expect

being friends with people at school was fine, except the drawbacks of stuff like "we're only interacting at school, rarely hanging out outside of that" & "someone in the same grade is in a diff class in elementary school so we just never see each other now" & "for some reason that 2nd grade teacher made a whole giant Example out of me and a friend, god forbid, not paying attention or whatever the fuck, so now i feel like we can't interact at all anymore" & "changing schools entirely between elementary / middle / college" & "not being in school" lmao similar to work friends too, we're At Work, might not see each other outside of that, might change jobs & stop seeing each other, & still overall rare, b/c the Preschool Experience never Really stopped imo, had different versions of it even into college and like, being at jobs with other adults lmao, socializing is still Like That, came up with the Je Ne Hate Quoi where like, people kind of just Know to exclude you / consider you an exception to whatever other social stuff is going on.

and then like, the difficulties even when socializing / interactions Are happening, where like, it's always funny like. i'm very Verbose / Chatty and very opinionated but like, this will surprise people, that i Talk actually and have a ton of takes, b/c i was keeping to myself / not sharing that with them and so it's like well, that must of course be the realest version of me, no way i was filtering myself, i just must have Not Wanted to talk, and/or had nothing to say & hence no thoughts or feelings i might wanna share lol, of course....and tbh like, it sure Can be true that i don't wanna talk lmao like. i wanna talk About Stuff that isn't really "personal" generally, which can be like, yeah i wanna talk about this book, or about birds, or about this trivia topic, or whatever, whereas idk so much how to do like small talk about your day or otherwise share Casual things about Yourself, like, idk, being aware my interests are things about Myself but also aware that it's Weird / wasn't the kind of stuff you were supposed to talk about, and i felt that things about my life were otherwise Not The Right Stuff, or too boring (never hanging out, not doing much except being at home reading / doing shit by myself or w/siblings) or too Unfun (able to pick up the sense that At Home Shittiness was a private matter lol......) and it'd be like, idk what to say, things about myself don't seem to fit..........but also it can be that i do not enjoy the Vibe of an interaction lmfaoooo like, i truly do not want to talk to you people. like that i can sometimes vibe with someone inebriated people better lmfao because then, idk, they have some sense of humor and can muster some enthusiasm for anything, but also i'm not really a fan of knowing that someone isn't sober lmfao like. ppl will be like "omg were you drunk" like no, that was just my personality, whereas i am not Heartened to know other ppl Will have to have been drunk to get on my level, for example, don't understand when people cannot muster being even a little silly. it's goofaround hours. but then you have like, being around a bunch of cishet people when they're drunk, and their humor is as nonexistent and boring as ever but they're even louder / more insistent about it, nightmare. and, yknow, just people talking and i'm like "i'm not interested in this at all, whether re: conversational Style or Subject, i would not want to participate" and times when it's like. i know if i was gonna chime in with what i Would say you would not be able to handle me here lmfaoooo so. i truly would prefer examining the wall and thinking about my own shit or texting with someone i do like talking with

but that yknow, in groups / conversations i would be at least someone interested in, i can still be like, idk, Hesitant To Talk b/c of all the instances you've been taught like oh you're socializing Wrong and everyone hated that, sorta like the post about making a comment about salsa that brings the gc to a halt and you're wondering how you fucked up and if salsa killed someone's parents and forgot or whatever, i've been Disheartened re: hanging out when it's like, well, nice to be included, but i'm a friendship third wheel here, not being included in the entire convo and nobody misses it, there's been instances where it's like, two people talking, i chime in, i am completely ignored multiple times, this is frustrating lmao. or there's been times i've tried to put myself out there in a way, like yeah sure i'll hang out with this group, but also i'm anxious and it's like, if people are doing homework i'm also bringing this thing i'm working on as this parallel task, only to find out down the line like people then regarded you as a joke or something b/c it was Rude or Wrong when you know, actually that was you reading some weird shit that didn't exist into the situation, and just like, idk it's wild how people will have like "graciously" declined to express something to your face, and you either can pick up on shit at the time but not be able to say anything which just reads to people like "oh they didn't notice this / that means you can push it a little further next time even" or like, figure out later that something that seemed positive or decent actually ft. people not liking you / not wanting to include you Yet Again, and as a bonus you're left with you know, having to always worry about if people Seemingly being amicable & accepting is actually them wishing you weren't there or solidifying some Interpretations of you that they're then gonna Talk About or Act On behind the scenes, like, beautiful thank you, always very touching, so glad you were so Considerate of someone's feelings and Nice about this where it just ends up being this whole letdown / feeling like even more of a rejection if there was this weird like stringing along lmao like. can allistic people be normal for five minutes

anyways and tied to that sort of, it's also like, simultaneously Cagey About Things and always worried about like, i could tell this person this thing and maybe it'd be Incorrect for the interaction and they won't care, whether because it's too mundane and boring a thing about you or because it's too #Real, i think i glimpsed something a month or so ago about like "do other autistic people have trouble where like, you can be friends with someone a long time but not get particular Close to them" or whatever lol, where like, well i have to hold everyone at arm's length and often Then Some because there's just matter of fact stuff about me that i nonetheless think i can't or shouldn't share, if i talked about something it might be out of the blue b/c i just was hardly confiding in people about it, or it's boring, or it's like, i don't actually feel like i'm close enough with this person that saying this isn't gonna be like "whoa overshare!! i just feel awkward & weird!" lmfao like. there were people i hung out with in person the year i lived out of my car and i did not mention this at all to them / kept it a secret b/c it's like, not out of like ohh this is a secret b/c No One Can Know, some people Could know lmao (shoutout to the person i Did confide in about these problems and who talked with me at what must've been like 3am in that timezone when i was like "well the rich people around here made sure to get cops to harass an unhoused person, e.g. me, would you believe it, it sucked" lmfao) it's that i knew idk, it would be pointless, they'd just feel weird about it and switch into that "for some reason, this is being Nice" where everyone will go into full Putting On A Front mode to be Polite like, that really sucks actually lmao could you Not. but it's like, idk, all this stuff where it's like "this thing about me / my life would be too Boring or too Awkward or Depressing or Etc Etc" turns out to be isolating / alienating b/c like, of course it would be. and idk nobody i ever made friends with in person i was Confiding in, not a ton of them re: me either, because you know. being cagey and wary, on top of like ohhh this person is Standoffish if they're hesitant to interact with people generally or do their own thing or i don't think they're socializing Right / have incorrectly inferred their feelings/motivations/intentions or whatever

and furthermore on that lmao it's also like, again, while i'm Verbose & Opinionated people will think i'm quiet & have no takes to provide because it's also like, even when it comes to stuff i sure feel i Could talk freely about, it's like, if i have a different opinion here will that just be a conversational Interruption ruining things for the real participants, probably nobody wants to hear me talk about this Subject, probably nobody wants to / would let me talk about it at much length without interrupting, even Online lmao i can be just going all out in terms of [how much i can talk about something] and while people can be Into that at that time it's like, people aren't into that beyond that one back and forth on one day, shoutout when people do enjoy the extensive discussing and/or have patience for it other times lol.

then supposing i Am talking to people lmao it's like, idk i'm an acquired taste or what have you, like, on top of the Talking A Ton it's like, the being opinionated and argumentative and sometimes pedantic or whatever on top of being irritable, could stand to be a bit more patient lmao, The Hater Friend to use the figure of speech lmao i have hardly been in a Group to be The [Any] Friend lol, also if my sense of humor doesn't fit it's like well how am i supposed to be silly, if being sometimes Enthused doesn't fit, again kinda an issue......have described myself as A Bit Much, humorously, but already not doing that as Much b/c it's like, i think i'm still too much like considering other people's opinions too "objective" here when like, first of all that's never accurate lmao, second of all i can easily forget that idk, i can at least in theory expect people to just regularly Like me and Enjoy interacting with me lol so. an acquired taste few can sample..........like hey even if other people don't vibe with me, it can just as much be the case that i'm not vibing with other people, don't worry lmao. and yknow, kinda parallel to Masking to seem acceptable in any casual social situation it's like, if i feel i'm suppressing my whole personality here / putting up a front / like i have to Get Through what should be a friendly interaction rather than be able to enjoy it myself, it's not exactly that rewarding. and plenty of times it's like, i like to be around people, but it can be strangers, i don't feel like "oh i wanna go out to eat / see a movie / go to this event, but if i can't get any friends to go, guess i can't!" like get out of the way i'm readily doing shit alone, it can even feel Better that way if otherwise it's like, now this occasion is about performing peak Agreeability for this other person/people, and like, not like i have ever been like "yes i have people i can readily ask to hang out and they'll be like Ya" anyways lol so. used to operating solo, where you can't be like "aha this is because this person has no Human Interest in Human Connection" when it's like. well it was never all up to me was it

well and so also it helped when i was 14 and able to be Online consistently, vs at home lmao. time for online friendship, which i don't think is like, oh that's not Real, like what sorry have you never known about people who have Remote friendships before, phones & letters & telegrams and also [nowadays when many ppl are Remote even if they usually lived near enough to hang out with] where it's like, you have this different format for socializing that can sure play out differently than Real Time, In Person interactions, and ever since i'll be posting mostly to myself lmfao but able to thusly talk about Interests and like, people will come along who want to talk more about it, then we do. i suppose also it can sure help that i'll draw (and Only draw, lol) for said interests, although tbh i think most of the time it's the extensive text posts that do it? really and great litmus test or whatever lmfao like, well already this person must not hate the verbosity. and then you can end up vibing with these people further, or not, but it's like, again, there's this chance for From The Start like, oh this person Likes that i have this niche interest, they like &/or don't mind talking A Lot about it lmao, vs in person introductions where that can sure happen but it's like, that's gonna be chance & spontaneous, whereas ppl might have the opportunity to Seek Out this interaction / content of yours......even online though, i'm still like, not as inclined to reach out or make the first interaction move or whatever lmao so. and then it's like, people make galaxy brain remarks like "ohh people who are very Online don't have friends, irl, they aren't Personable, irl," like yes congratulations i'm autistic and i don't have many In Person friends generally, sometimes maybe not any, don't really know where people think they'll land their argument here. like, follow it through, are you just calling people losers. is it "social media makes peopel Not social" like nobody is Doing Anything when they're online or everyone is embracing strangers and having heart to hearts every weekday morning with whoever is nearby if only they weren't on twitter? plus the fact that like, if i don't have access to people i interact with online, that doesn't like, force me to become neurotypical so that i then have a thriving in person social circle, it just means i'm more isolated? meanwhile, turns out it helps a lot if it's like, yeah i can Expect to interact with people

and then still like, all the time it might be like i still can feel Confused as it were about How To Talk To People lmfao like. there's not much "Just Be Yourself" when being yourself has meant filtering yourself, actually, and being v self conscious about trying (and often failing) to appeal to other people (which, then if you do succeed, it's like oops this person likes me but if i've been putting up a front the whole time, not super Validating) and not exactly a ton of practice getting to do Otherwise, and it can again be like. is this too boring to talk about, or just somewhat arbitrarily like "oh i'd better Not talk / say whatever" for no real reason lmfao, i Can just get like. Real Time Chatty as it were, but it's difficult actually lmfao like i need a lot of momentum, and it's easy for that to be Not the case.......and just like, again that it's easy to forget you don't have to be in "nobody wants to hear you talk" mode, or think like, okay, i can't just say anything, i have to say something Good, aka of interest or funny or whatever lmao but then it's like well i guess i Can just say anything. don't much know how to do that tho

(also, sidenote from "wtf is thinking being friends w/someone online is faker than when you're friends with someone sort of from being in the same building every weekday, what is the conclusion of 'what a loser geek whatever if you care about connecting Online who can't be popular Offline'" where it's always funny when someone is also like "wow even in person Fandom is, like social media, something that only people who suck at socializing Normally are into" lmfao like. not very relevant b/c nobody wants to really be in a broader fanbase rather than find particular kindred spirits through it, and who actually wants to go to comic con or whatever, sounds like a nightmare, but it's still such a faux analytical perspective lmfao like, again, first of all, what's the Conclusion to your argument here? and secondly honestly like. all versions of Small Talk are kinda gonna be bullshit, even amongst say, nt people, there's nothing Universal, and people can certainly be inconsiderate / preclude any genuine connection via what they might consider to be this neutral part of the ritual, and yknow, i find it kinda exhausting like it's peak Time To Mask and then i'm hardly in the mood to Really talk further, like yknow what. idk i'd be annoyed if someone demanded i Correctly Complete some sort of fandom reference by way of greeting, but i'm also annoyed when someone demands i Correctly Complete whatever maneuvers you're supposed to do with a rhetorical "how are you :)" lmfao like. you're a cringe nerd in the rigid social ritual of pleasantries fandom)

anyways and uhh yeah i also yknow, hashtag alana beck, it's like, glad to pretend Friendly Acquaintances makes sense, i guess it can, but it's great when it's like, oh i Don't have to only expect to be really peripheral in people's lives, or to only be friends with people i don't feel like i vibe with That much or also talk to that much about anything, when i can definitely feel like Yes this person is a Friend, no "are they actually closer to an acquaintance at this point" disclaimers needed, again, taking it back to the fact that friendship sure is Significant to me and when i have it that's v important thanks

so it's like uhhhh yeah difficult to make friends, don't have general appeal or whatever lol, ppl aren't on my wavelength or i'm not on theirs, hard to talk to people even though it's not because i don't/can't talk plenty lmfao.......and re: being Supportive it's like well, i don't really tell people In Person i'm autistic but naturally if you follow me Online here i am talking about it lol, and not like anyone who already knew me & was friends with me was like "oh nvm don't like interacting with you now" and i also gotta mention the like Handshake Lgbtq lifehack, where plenty of times it can be like, oh if we vibe on That wavelength it can be easier to befriend people, and/or that people will at least be more like, amicable / supportive based on Knowing you're handshake on that lol. b/c really it's like, i'd also like to just be allowed to talk and/or simply be around people even if we are not Personal Friends, aka that you can expect to be treated decently with some basic respect / consideration and like you're generally allowed to exist and be present and interact with people where you're not only guaranteed to Not be punished / excluded for it if someone's your individual friend and allows you to be here, so. once again it's like, can allistic ppl be normal for 5 min

[aerdnanocte]

I’ve read quite a few fanfics that depict Adrien Agreste as really innocent to the point he doesn’t even know what sex is. While funny, I actually 100% can’t see it being a true headcanon. 

Why? Because I was a sheltered kid, growing up.

 Adrien Agreste from Miraculous Ladybug-- he was sheltered w really strict parent(s) who signed him up for all sorts of classes (Fencing, Chinese, piano, etc.). It’s canon that he's into anime. His computer has multiple monitors.  

I was sheltered a lot as a kid and spent most of time in my room. When I wasn’t in my room, I didn’t have time to play with other kids (and was really sad about that). I had no friends. Instead, after class, I had Chinese, piano, violin, dance, and skating lessons. My schedule was packed. In my free time, (And infinite boredom/loneliness) I was stuck in my room without many checkups from my parents. Left alone to my own devices, I scoured the internet and sooner or later found anime. I also found sites like Fanfiction.net and Tumblr. (Later, when Ao3 came out, I moved from ff.net to Ao3) By age 12, I was thoroughly living on the internet. 

I was anything but innocent. My parents never gave me The Talk, etc. (I didn’t see my dad a lot (like once every...2 weeks..?)), but I still knew everything because it’s very hard to be on the internet and not sooner or later encounter someone say fuck. As a curious child, my first reaction was obviously to search it up on google. Needless to say, I learned quick. 

Many people still thought I was innocent though. People back in middleschool always said I was the most innocent one, probably due to the fact that they knew how sheltered I was and I composed myself really properly at all times. (...like Adrien, no? He was expected to always uphold that certain Agreste Image) 

(Heck, when I wore ripped jeans for the first time to school in highschool, people were so shocked that they had a visible (and verbal) reaction. It just didn’t fit their “prim, proper, sheltered, and quiet” image of me. (My mom picked all my clothing until I was in HS where I started arguing that I should be able to choose my own cloths))

I didn’t bother correcting them on their misconceptions, but tbh as someone who lives on the internet, I think I don’t need to explain what exactly I’ve been exposed to. I probably knew more than a good number of my classmates. 

That’s why I never believe it when characters with a similar situation as me are depicted as obliviously innocent, lmao. 

tl;dr: I have many similarities to Adrien Agreste (except I’m not a famous model) and thus the idea that he’s super innocent doesn’t make sense to me lolol. 

Ofc at the end of the day ppl can believe whatever they want to. Their headcanons r their headcanons. That’s the beauty of fanfiction lmao. This is just my opinion on Adrien.