#'gonna k myself. you?' 'gonna k myself. bye.' and immediately fuck off to bed or work

[biillys]

been flicking between house and er and now i want the billy working at a hospital au's please

[mk-tozier]

HELP| IT ONE SHOT

Help/IT ONESHOT

Losers are 15 here, Bev came back from her aunts because i can, x reader

warnings: swear words, a bit heated and just Richie being richie, sorta fluff? plot twist, kinda short because I’m just trying to get out some writing. ok peace

Here I was sitting in Bill’s room, carelessly staring at him, I have a huuuge crush on Bill. He’s adorable, he has a great personality and he’s just so ughhhh 😍. I sat up from Bills bed, sitting criss cross apple sauce. “So Bill?” I look down at my legs. “Yes Y/n/n” Bill says almost immediately, my name flowing with the sweetness of his voice. Something about hearing him say my name makes me flustered.

“I was wondering, do you u-um like anyone?” I ask looking up at him. Bill looks off to the distance for a second. “I don’t know, maybe.” He shrugs a bit. “D-Do Y-you?” “Yea, he’s the most amazing boy I know.” I smile slightly. Bill smiles at my comment. “W-well who is the m-m-mystery boy?” He asks beaming happily. This is it. I’m going to admit my feelings to him. Little do I know, I wouldn’t be the only one who would decide to do this. Before I could say anything the doorbell rang, echoing through the whole house. “I-I’ll get it, but y-you’re telling me a-afterwards.” Bill giggled and winked, swarming my stomach with butterflies once again.

Bill went downstairs and I waited patiently, sitting on his bed, smiling and thinking. After 5 minutes I realized he was taking awhile. I got up from the bed and began walking down the hallway and down the stairs. I stop at the bottom of the stairs. “Hey Bill! What’s up it’s been taking awhi-“ I cut myself off seeing Bill and Beverly, lips locked, pull away. “O-oh.” I say lowly. “S-s-sorry, I didn’t mean to d-ditch you, this k-kinda just h-h-happened.” He blushed madly. Tears swell up in my eyes, I feel a lump in my throat. “N-no it’s fine Bill, I h-have to meet up with Richie at the arcade a-anyways” My voice cracks a bit. “A-are you o-okay?” Bill asks. “Yeah, you seem a bit upset Y/n/n?” Bev says worry In her eyes. “No, I’m fine, I really have to get going though, wouldnt wanna be late or Richie might kick my ass” I joke, faking a smile, running up the stairs, into bills room.

Of course he likes her, I don’t hate Bev, its the exact opposite. She’s sweet and funny, she’s soo beautiful, just the dream girl, perfect for any guy, I don’t exactly hate myself, but I’m obviously not enough for Bill. I grab my back quickly, wiping my cheeks and swallowing the lump in my throat. I go downstairs. “Bye guys” I say quickly before walking out the door, not even waiting for their goodbyes.

Time skip

“Tozier!” I exclaim, hugging him from behind. “Your day just got a thousand times better!” I giggled, trying to get the thought of Bill Denbrough out of my head. Richie turned around and faced me, looking down and grinning. “You bet it fucking did sweetheart.” I hugged him again, tightly, smiling into his chest. “I missed you Rich” I say. “I missed you too sweet cheeks.” He chuckled slightly. My smile died down as I pulled away from the hug. “You okay there y/n/n?” Richie bites his cheek slightly. When he says my nickname, its different from Bill, my name flows with the sweetness of his voice, meanwhile with Richie, My name just fits with his raspy voice, like a puzzle piece. “Y-yea I’m fine!” I fake a smile. “Don’t lie to me, I’ll beat your ass if you don’t tell me” Richie looks at me sternly. “F-fine.” My voice lowers.

“Bill” is all I can let out before I get the same lump in my throat. “Did he hurt you, I’ll beat him up, wh-what’d he do to you?” Richie’s eyes fill with worry. “No, not that. He, he kissed Beverly” I say lowly. He frowns looking into my eyes. “Your amazing doll and if he can’t see that, he’s fucking blind, Blinder than me. I need glasses and i can tell you’re beautiful Don’t be sad over a dumbass like him, I’d pick you over any girl any day.” Richie hugs me. “Thanks Rich.” I sigh slightly. “I just wish it were him who would pick me over any girl, you’re  my best friend, that’s different, obviously you would pick me.” Richie sighs lowly, biting his lip slightly, he looked hot with his lip tugged between his teeth,concentrated- ohfuckno, I did NOT just call Richie Tozier HOT. Okay maybe I’d be an idiot if I didn’t realize my best friend was cute, not only cute tremendously hot but I don’t like him, I’m just smart enough to know he’s got good looks. Richie put his hand under my chin, making me look up at him. “Then let’s make him jealous, show him what he’s missing, sound good doll?” He smirks, licking his lips slightly. I smile up at Richie. “Sounds great Rich, but how.” “Okay so you get a makeover right? Look like a whole art piece, not like you don’t already” Richie winks at me before continuing. “And follow my lead.” I nod and smile at him.

Time skip to a couple days later.

I rode my bike next to Richies. “are you sure this is gonna work?” i ask him. “Of course its gonna work, and if it doesn’t then its still a win, we get to pretend to date. I get to act like I’m with the most beautiful girl in the world and you get to act like your with me, the hottest and funniest guy ever.” Richie smirks. “yeah yeah” i roll my eyes, smiling. We pulled over by the quarry, about 2 feet away from everyone else. I got off my bike, laying it down next to a rock. “its way too hot out today, if we go in the water, there’s about 20 diseases we can get but if we stay in the sun, we could get heat strokes” Eddie rambles. “It’s hot out because of me and Y/n!” Richie exclaims. I roll my eyes again, this kid is something else. “shut up Richie” Stan groans. “Eddie we’ve been in the quarry billions of times and every time we come put fine, why are you still worried” i say, reassuringly. “you never know” He replies. “hes just making up excuses because hes too afraid to jump” Richie smirks. “whatever” Eddie says, going back to doing whatever. I look over to see Bill sitting on a rock, staring at me and Richie, i give him a small wave before turning around so i can undress, my swimsuit under my clothes. I watch Richie take off his shirt, his skin pale but slightly toned, he has slight abs which is confusing since the kid almost never works out. I eagerly take off my shirt and shorts/skirt, I feel eyes on me, i look over, seeing Richie looking me up and down. “eyes to yourself Tozier” I giggle. “Hey! I’m just admiring the beauty! Cant a guy look at his girlfriend!” Rich snaps. “girlfriend!?!” Everyone mutters from behind us, shocked. He winks at me. “called it!” Bev says. “its about time you two got together, the sexual tension is unbelievable” Sexual Tension? But there’s nothing between me and Rich, what is she talking about? This whole thing is fake. “Yeah seriously, I’m surprised you guys havent fucked by now” Stan says. What the hell are they talking about? But I’ve always liked Bill. Yeah, Me and Rich flirt all the time but there’s no feelings involved, right? I feel my cheeks burning, not from the sun either. Richie smirks, staring at me. “Who says we havent” He shrugs, the smirk staying on his face, as if it were glued there. “RICH!” I squeaked, my cheeks burning even more. “forget i ever said anything” Stanley gagged. “DO YOU GUYS NOT KNOW THE AMOUNT OF DISEASES-“ “yes we know, we know, and Richie is only joking” i roll my eyes. “Bill, you okay?” Ben asks. Rich winks and elbows me softly. “y-yea I’m fine” he replies. “you sure? You’ve been awfully quiet” Ben asks again. Richie nudges me again. I don’t wanna make Bill jealous anymore, what if this whole time, i only told myself that i like Bill to cover up the fact that i like Richie? No I’m just being stupid now, I’ve never liked Richie. Hes just my best friend and hes just helping me out, thats all. “i-I’m okay, l-l-lets just swim!” He says, smiling slightly.

Time skip

The whole time, me and Rich splashed each other and messed around, flirting a lot too. Richie dunked me under the water before pulling me back up, grabbing my waist, our bodies touching, our faces inches apart, his lower body brushed against my leg,holy shit,rich was hard. My face heated up, why is he hard, he doesn’t even like me.Just breathe, its probably just a teenage boy thing. His thumb rubbed circles on my bare waist, our faces inched closer,only about 2 inches away from eachother now, i felt his warm breath against my lips. This can’t be happening, worst part is I’m not stopping it. “RICH! Y/N! C’MON WE’RE GETTING OUT! WE’RE GONNA GET ICECREAM” One of the losers yelled. Me and Richie pulled away, both of us blushing, Richie blinked before swimming away. My face heated up thinking about what happened in the Quarry. Why’d I allow us to get that close. “H-hey Y-Y/n can i t-t-talk to you for a s-s-sec?” Bill asks. I look over at Richie, who sends me a smile. His eyes look sad, why would he be sad? This was his plan afterall.

I followed Bill into a small opening away from the losers. “I-i know I’m k-k-kinda later but i l-like you. It’s o-okay if y-y-you dont like me. i-i k-kn-know your with richie.” Bill admits. “actually I’m not with Richie, it was to make you jealous because i liked you but what about Beverly, I wouldn’t want you to lead her on, she obviously likes you” i say. “y-yeah i kn-know. the k-kiss happened o-o-out of nowhere. i t-t-told her I wasn’t s-sure of m-m-my feelings” He says. “w-wait...l-liked?” “yeah...i- i think i like Richie.” i say softly. “o-oh. okay..” Bill says. “he d-d-definitely likes you b-back. You sh-sh-should shoot your shot” i smile. “thanks Bill” “o-of c-course! G-g-good luck!” he says

I walk back over to Rich, who was trying to put on his shirt but was failing miserably, i giggled. He finally got on his shirt. “Jesus this damn thing hates me or something” He mutters, causing me to giggle again. “oh hey! sooo how’d it go with Bill” Richie smirks. “um...i actually rejected him” I say. Richies eyebrows furrowed, he frowned, but i could tell he was trying not to smirk. “why? i thought you liked him?” he asks. “Beverly likes him, it wouldnt be fair to her. aaaand I’m pretty sure i like someone else.” i say. “oOoOoO and who might that be” Richie smirks. I put my hands on his shirt, pulling him closer to me, connecting my lips with Richies. This was a Kiss waiting to happen, Richies eyes went wide but they soon relaxed as he put his hands on my waist, kissing me back. I pull away, out of breath. “does that tell you who i like?” i ask. “nah, i think you’re gonna have to try again.” Richie smirks. I roll my eyes smiling before connecting our lips once again. This kiss was much more rough and passionate, our lips glided against eachother, smoothly as if our lips were made for eachother, like puzzle pieces connecting. His tongue glided against my bottom lip, asking for entrance, i part my mouth slightly, Richie entering his tongue right away, exploring my mouth. The kiss got more heated and rough, both of us out of breathe but not wanting to pull away. “THATS DISGUSTING” Eddie yells. “hey lovebirds we’re gonna get icecream” Beverly chuckles. I pull away from Richie, panting. “we’ll catch up, i still have to put on my clothes” i say. The losers start to get on there bikes and talk amongst themselves. I grab my shirt and short/skirt putting it on quickly. “sucks those have to go back on” Richie winks. “RICH!” i squeak. “whaaat? I’m only telling the truth, I’d rather watch you in your swimsuit” he replies. I roll my eyes. “so...Wanna be my girlfriend?” Richie asks. “no because i just made out with you for no reason. Of course i wanna be your girlfriend Rich” i reply, he rolls his eyes smiling. “Now lets go before the losers forget about us!” i say hopping on my bike.

[frogsandbeesyay]

Sbi oneshots:

lol hi ig here are some sbi oneshots

Things I will do:

Angst

Fluff

Mild gore

Potentially triggering subjects

Anything that isn’t on the won’t list

Things I won’t do:

Lemon

Lime

Smut

Shipping of any sort (they’re family fuck off)

Heavy gore

SuIcIde

R@pe/sexu@l assault

Also most of these are set in a Kindof half Minecraft half real world type of thing. Like it’s their Minecraft personas but mostly un lore related.

I do accept requests but I’ll finish most of my ideas first probably unless I see one I really like :D

K let’s get started

———————————————————

Oneshot #1: accident

A/n:

No trigger warning for this one, but there is mild crying involved and mention of a bruise, so I just thought I should mention that but I don’t think it’s considered a tw.

I’m a sucker for techno and Tommy fluff :p

Techno- 17

Tommy-12

Wilbur- 17

Phil is old

————-———————————————

Techno and Tommy were really close, everyone in sbi knew that techno had a soft spot for Tommy and Tommy opened up easily to techno. Who knew that a monotone pig hybrid and a slightly annoying angst child would get along so well? Techno never admitted to having a soft spot for Tommy, but everyone could tell. It was the little things, like overprotective stances and putting extra marshmallows in Tommy’s chocolate milk. They probably bonded because of their equally traumatic pasts that no one liked to mention. But still, techno was Tommy’s big brother which meant he had to tease Tommy and annoy Tommy and vise versa. He was always careful not to overstep though.

One day, Wilbur and Phil headed off to the village for a few hours to trade with the villagers, so it was just techno and Tommy. Tommy was being extra annoying and stole the t.v remote while techno was flipping through channels.

“Hey give that back nerd” techno said trying to grab the remote out of Tommy’s grip.

“Make me pigman” Tommy giggles.

They began playfully wrestling for the remote. Techno easily pinned Tommy down onto the couch, being much stronger than him. Tommy wriggled out of techno’s grasp and held the remote higher in the air. Tommy giggled and playfully held it higher. Techno jabbed his fingers into Tommy ribs, which distracted Tommy enough to be pinned down again by his brother. Techno held him down roughly, and then for a second something flashed in Tommy’s eyes. Techno, surprised, let go quickly, and Tommy wriggled onto the other side of the couch.

“Hey nerd you good?” Techno said concerned he actually hurt his little brother.

“Yeah I’m Fine, Heres your remote,” he handed techno the remote, “bye” and rushed up to his room.

That was weird, thought techno. His brow furrowed. What if he messed something up? Did he do something wrong? He quickly walked over to Tommy’s room and stood by the door. He stopped dead when he heard tiny sniffles coming from inside the room.

“Hey Tommy, can I come in?” He asked through the door.

Tommy cleared his throat and wiped his face. “Y-yeah sure come on in!” He tried to make his voice sound normal, but winced at his stutter.

Techno walked in and saw Tommy sitting by his bed, tear lines on his face. He immediately rushed over and wrapped Tommy into a hug.

“Toms? What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

He felt Tommy shaking in his hug.

“I-I..” Tommy began

“Hey, hey it’s ok.” Techno tried to be comforting, he really wasn’t good at making people feel better.

“I’m sorry I’m being such a crybaby. It didn’t even hurt that bad, I-I was just so scared that you w-were gonna-” Tommy mumbled into techno’s chest.

“No! Toms it’s fine to cry, it’s my fault I wasn’t being careful. Please never be afraid to tell me I’ve crossed the line, ok?”

“Mmk” Tommy whispered. Techno slowly unraveled from the embrace and looked at Tommy.

“Hey toms can I see your side?” Tommy nodded. Techno lifted up his shirt (PLEASE DONT MAKE THIS WEIRDDDD) and looked at his ribs. There was a small bruise from where techno had jabbed.

“Oh my god Tommy, I’m so truly sorry I didn’t mean to. And I didn’t mean to scare you either..” Techno said, guilt washing over him.

“It’s ok techie I know you didn’t.” Tommy replied, smiling.

Time skippppppppp

Phil and Wilbur came home that evening to see techno and Tommy cuddling on the couch. Techno’s arms wrapped protectively around Tommy’s small frame.

“Awww” phil cooed. Wilbur snapped a photo on his phone. Phil raised an eyebrow and Wilbur mouthed blackmail, to which Phil nodded knowingly. He loved his sons and he was glad they got along so well.

~fin~

A/n: I actually kinda liked this :) it’s really cute lol k bai

———————————————————

Oneshot #2: Claustrophobia

A/n: so Ik this has been done a few times but I really like this idea so here’s my take. Also this is more lore-based. like it isn’t actual lore but it happened on the dsmp so there’s that. Also Wilbur is Tommy’s only brother in this story, techno and tubbo aren’t related to them.

Tw ⚠️ : Claustrophobia, panic attack, Hyperventilating, crying, scratching, mention of blood

I think that’s it lmk if you find anymore

Techno- 21

Tommy-16

Wilbur-21

Tubbo-17

Phil isn’t in this one bc I’m lazy

———————————————————

Tommy POV:

I had been working on decorating my room in Pogtopia. I was decorating it with red stone blocks and pistons because I think they look cool together. I felt safe and content knowing that my friends were right out there and would protect me. I was starting to feel a little claustrophobic, but I was fine since there was still a space open for me to see.

Suddenly the red stone block sets off the pistons witch pin me up against the wall, making me immobile. I start to panic but remain calm when I remember there are people here to help me.

“Hey Wilbur?” I call out, my voice trying to maintain its signature annoying tommyinnit tone even though I’m scared out of my mind.

Wilbur POV:

I hear my name being called from the other side of the cave. Oh my god it’s Tommy again what does he want? He’s been so annoying all day. He’s my brother and I care about him a lot but he can be a little much sometimes.

“WILBURRRR” I hear again. I try to ignore him but I hear footsteps behind me.

“Can you deal with him I’m trying to farm potatoes here.” A monotone voice says.

“Yeah, fine” I say annoyed. I walk over to Tommy’s room and all I can see is one side of a piston sticking out from behind the door.

“Wil? I’m stuck can you help me please?” He says. I let out a hearty laugh. What a Tommy thing to do.

Tommy POV:

I was expecting Wilbur to help me out, not to laugh. Surely he’d let me out soon, right?

“Hey techno, tubbo look at this, Tommy got himself stuck between pistons,” he says giggling. My heart sunk. I could feel myself getting more and more panicked, help help help.

I hear footsteps signifying that the other people had arrived.

“H-hey guys can you please help me, I have really bad claustrophobia” I say, trying to keep my voice strong. I’m met with laughter. I can barely see through my door, it’s my only source of light and I’m grateful.

“Tommy, you’re such an idiot.” A monotone voice said. My eyes start to sting let me out let me out let me out.

“What if we blocked off the door that would be funny” I hear tubbo say. No, tubbo knows about my claustrophobia, he wouldn’t, no.

“Good idea haha” I hear Wilbur say, still laughing. My stomach sinks to the ground as my only light source is cut off.

I feel myself slipping, beginning to panic but trying to muffle my sobs.

Technoblade POV:

I’m laughing along with the others at Tommy’s stupidity when I hear a sniffle come from inside the room.

“Is he crying?” I ask quietly. I’d never seen Tommy cry before. Wilburs eyes widen.

“Oh shit. I thought it was a bit.” Tubbo says his voice cracking. “He really is claustrophobic.” Wilbur hurries to open the blockade. It opens and we see Tommy curled up onto himself between the pistons, sobbing quietly and covered in blood. Wait- blood? No one moves a muscle out of shock. I break out of it and swiftly pick up the sobbing boy my arms and hold him close. I’m horrible and physical contact but he really needs help.

Tubbo and Wilbur follow me out of the room, both of their eyes already shining with unshed tears. I gently set Tommy down on the ground and he immediately curls up on himself in a protective position.

“L-let me out” he mutters. My heart breaks. Tommy and I weren’t close but he was just a kid and I did care about him. Tubbo starts to cry. Wilbur rubs tubbo’s back while I clean Tommy’s wounds. He has gashes on his arms and hands that looked like they were scratched in. I realize he must have scratched himself during his panic attack. A silent tear flows down wil’s face. I can see the guilt in his eyes. I clean his wounds and bandage them up. Then he sits up, having calmed down.

“Hey toms, you good?” I ask quietly. He slowly nods. Then he looks around the room and his eyes widen when he sees Wilbur and tubbo crying.

“G-guys it’s fine I-I’m ok!” He tells them.

“No, it’s not fine,” Wilbur says, “we should have listened to you and realized you needed our help. I’m a horrible big brother.” Tommy leans in a hugs Wilbur and tubbo.

“It’s ok, I forgive you guys, just- never again, ok?” We all nod quickly.

“I’m sorry too.” I add in. “For laughing at you when you needed us.” I finish, my cheeks red, I didn’t like apologizing, but I knew I need to. Tommy nods in forgiveness. He’s truly like a brother to me.

A/n: I don’t like this one as much and i kinda lost motivation towards the end but I think it turned out fine :p this one took really long lol

———————————————————

Oneshot #3: Family movie night

A/n: Ik this has also been done before buts it’s adorable so I’m doing it

Techno- 18

Tommy-13

Wilbur-18

Tubbo-13

Ranboo-13

Phil is old

No trigger warnings, just fluff :D lots of platonic cuddling though so beware

———————————————————

Techno, Wilbur and Tommy all got home from school at the same time. They all immediately dumped their bags down by the door. Techno and Tommy stomped up the stairs to their rooms and Wilbur slumped down onto the couch.

“Jeez what’s with you guys today” phil said confused at his children’s behavior. Usually they come in and greet him at least.

“I’ve had a really long day, techno too, I don’t know what’s wrong with Tommy though, he was like this on the bus, too.” Wilbur says from the couch. Phil nods his head and goes upstairs to check on his Children and make sure they’re ok.

He knocks quietly on Techno’s door. He hears a grunt of approval so he opens the door. The pinkette is sitting on his bed with a math book on his lap.

“Hey Phil” he says looking up.

“Hey Techno, what’s up?” He asks, taking a seat by the pig hybrid.

“Nothing much, Im a little stressed out about schoolwork though.” He says, eyes returning to the book. Phil nods in understanding. He was in high school once, he remembers how stressful it can be.

“Maybe we could have a movie night tonight, once everyone finishes. You guys have been working really hard, you deserve some time off.” Phil says.

“That sounds nice.”

Phil nods and leaves techno to study, going left to Tommy’s room. He knocks on Tommy’s door.

“Come in.” Tommy says, in a rather weak tone. I walk in, slightly concerned. I see Tommy sitting on the floor, his arms wrapped around his knees, staring angrily at the wall.

“Toms? What’s wrong?” I ask, kneeling down to look at him. His brow furrowes.

“Am I a bad friend?” He asks, still not making eye contact.

“No toms, of course not. What make you think that?” I ask.

“Then why does tubbo like ranboo so much more than me?” He says, “I thought I was supposed to be his best friend”, he finishes, his voice cracking.

“Toms look at me,” I say and he turns to face me. “If tubbo is making you feel left out then tubbo is the one not being a good friend. Just because he’s excited about his new mate, doesn’t mean it’s gonna be this way forever, ok?” Tommy thinks for a second then nods.

“We were think about having a movie night tonight just like we used to.” I say. Tommy’s eyes light up in excitement.

~time skip lmao~

“Will can you pass the ketchup?” Tommy asks. Ever since he was little he liked to dip his popcorn in ketchup. Will also liked this, but techno and Phil found it absolutely disgusting. They were all sitting together on the couch, Tommy resting in wills arms and Phil’s wings wrapped around everyone lovingly.

“So what movie are we watching?”

A/n: super lame ending Ik but I liked the rest ig. Stay safe stay hydrated Luv u

———————————————————

Oneshot #4: My son

A/n: Here’s some actual Angst. This is very lore based. I know that there’s one of these in literally every oneshot book but here’s my take bc I want to.

Wilbur- 19

Phil is old

Tw⚠️: insanity, death, sword

Phil’s POV:

I look into the pleasing eyes of my son, begging me to end his misery. I think about not doing it, I really do, but I can’t look past the begging in his eyes.

My hands tighten around the grip of my sword. I watch as my son’s eyes change from begging to excitement for blissful relief. The fresh smell of gunpowder lingers in the air as I raise my sword in preparation.

A small part of me says that I won’t actually go through with it, but I will. I raise my sword higher and get it positioned to kill.

“Dad?” He says. Just that word, that heart wrenching word makes me hesitate. Is this really what he wants? To be mercy killed by his own father?

“I’m sorry.” He finishes. Every fragment in my body tells me not to kill him, but his eyes are so compelling. I have to. The message is sent, he’s ready.

My sword plunges through my son’s heart.

A/n: Woahhhhh ok so that was intense. But anyway I hope you enjoyed :))) I promise I will make up with it with some tommy/techno fluff in the next chapter. Stay safe and drink water <3

[gyeomork]

Explanation

(im jaebeom x reader)

genre: angst, light smut, fluff, roommate au

warnings: mild cursing, suggestive themes

word count: 3.5k

a/n: so idk if it’s been a long time since i last posted but hey i’m back lol. my last fic got like a lot of love so i was like oh shit wtf thAnk yU. so basically i got kinda in my jaebeom feels because of these pictures i saw and they just kinda hit different so i made a fic lol. anywAy k bye ^3^

“please please please~” jackson begged me. we were currently sitting on the couch in the living room having a conversation about me moving out so his girlfriend could move in. “you guys could just stay in your room and i’ll stay in mine. i’ll try to make my presence as unknown as possible” he looks at me bewildered. “y/n no!” i let out a deep sigh. “alright so let’s say i do move out, where would i go? hm?” “i already have that planned out “ he points at me and smirks “one of my best friends, jaebeom, i told about him right?” i nod. “he’s been living by himself for a while and having kind of a hard time paying for the place so i was hoping you could move in with him” i think about it for a few seconds. “is it cheaper?” he nods assuringly. “ok” i say and he jumps up in excitement. “but you have to do most of the heavy lifting” “ok!”

jackson sets down the last box in my new room. i lay down on the mattress already getting tired from the thought of packing out. “there you go. jaebeom should get home from work at 7 so you have some time to be loud with your music and bad singing”. “hey!” i attempt to kick him but he pushes my foot away. “that’s one thing i wont miss” he continues and i pout. “but overall i’m gonna miss you” he pats me on the head and i smile. “me too”. “listen, i gotta get going but have fun packing out ok! bye~” before i could say bye in return he slams my door shut. he’s not gonna miss me. i put on my music and start opening up the first box.

i finally finish packing out and take a shower to cool my body down. i put on some shorts and a tank top. i check the time and it was 6:43 pm; jaebeom should be getting home soon. I think to make a ‘thank you for letting me live here’ dinner-gift. i walk out my room and was surprised when the front door opened and two shadows walked in. god my first day here and we’re already getting robbed. the tall, wide shouldered shadow turns on the light and reveals a recognizable face from the some of the pictures jackson posted on instagram. he sees me and freezes in shock. the smaller shadow reveals a very pretty woman’s face that automatically turns defensive. “who is she and what is she doing here?” she inquires. i intervene hoping to clear the air “i’m y/n, jaebeom’s new roommate.” i hold out my hand for her to shake. she looks at me and scoffs, then to jaebeom “i can’t believe you” she walks out the door slamming it behind her. jaebeom goes after her and i’m left standing there awkwardly. i go back to my room to avoid more awkwardness when they come back. i can always make that thank you dinner another time. a few minutes later i hear a soft knock on my door. “y/n? it’s jaebeom” i get up and open the door. “i’m sorry i didn’t know-” “no, no it’s fine it’s my fault actually i forgot you were coming today and i forgot to tell her. i’m sorry she was so rude to you, she can be.. defensive at times” he looks kind of stressed. “it’s ok, i won’t take it personally”. “i’m jaebeom” he holds his hand out “we didn’t get to properly introduce ourselves earlier” i shake his hand “y/n” we both give small smiles. we hold hands and eye contact for a little too long. he scans my body and i become self conscious remembering that i don’t have a bra on. i let go and cross my arms over my chest. “i’ve had a long day, so i’ll be going to bed now. good night.” i closed the door as quick as i could without being rude. i scold myself for not wearing the proper clothes. i was so used to living and being so comfortable with jackson that i completely forgot that this is not how you dress around a stranger. especially a man. an attractive man. with a girlfriend. i brush my teeth and go to bed to avoid overthinking.

i wake up early the next morning to make a thank you breakfast instead in hopes of getting on jaebeom’s girlfriend’s good side. jaebeom walks into the kitchen while i’m in the middle of cracking an egg. “good morning” he says in a husky voice. “good morning” i reply back. “you didn’t have to make breakfast, i’m the one that usually makes it” “oh no i wanted to make a thank you dinner last night but..” “my girlfriend” he finishes my sentence for me. “where is she by the way? i want to apologize” he frowns and sighs deeply “she got mad yesterday and left. and i told you it’s not your fault, you don’t have to apologize” he puts his hand on my shoulder and stares dead into my eyes. all of a sudden, i get hot. like extremely. like so hot i begin sweating. like so hot that i hear beeping… beeping? i turn around and realize that the pancakes i had on the stove caught on fire. i immediately start panicking and trying to blow it out and it only gets bigger. jaebeom comes with a fire extinguisher and pulls me away from the fire by the waist. he puts out the fire swiftly and sinks to the floor. i sit across from him and try to regulate my breathing. he squeezes the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger.  god my second day here and i almost burn the house down. what tomorrow? i blow up the whole neighborhood? i get ready for the ‘you almost made my girlfriend break up with me and burn my house down get the fuck out’. but instead he just starts laughing and i do too. “what the hell were you cooking that it caught on fire like that?” “pancakes” he widens his eyes at me. “oh i am definitely cooking from now on” “no i promise i can cook just let me show you” i get up and reach for the pan. he gets up too and stops my hand from even getting remotely close to the pan. “i think we should settle for some cereal” “ok” i sigh. he pours us both a bowl and says “i don’t work today so if you’d like to do something and get to know each other, i’m free all day”. “yeah sure what did you have in mind?” “i was thinking about noraebang (karaoke). i think it’ll be really good to destress after..” he looks to the stove. “stop!~” he bursts out laughing. “so is that a yes or no?” “yes, i’ll go” “what time do you want to go?” i look at the time that reads 9:28 am “maybe around 2-ish”. “ok, 2-ish it is” he gives me a cute smile.

we enter the small room of stress relief and put our stuff down. “you want to go first?” jaebeom asks. “why should i go first?” “you must have the more stress than me, after all you did almost burn our house down” my heart kind of fluttered at ‘our house’ but it was overpowered by the annoyance i felt. i suck my teeth and grab the microphone and remote. i choose a song to terribly sing to and begin. i get a 64 as a score and when i turn around jaebeom is staring at me in disbelief. “yeah, yeah i’m bad at signing ok next your turn” “i wouldn’t say ‘bad’ i’d just say a little.. flat that’s all” “yeah ok here�� i roll my eyes at him and shove the microphone in his chest; he snickers. he chooses a ballad and starts singing. and holy shit he can sing. this man sing sing like damn. when he’s done he gets a score of 98. “so this is why to took me here huh. to show off” i accuse him. “no, not at all” he waves me off and laughs. “here it’s your turn” he holds out the mic to me. “no let's do one together” i grab the other mic. we choose a trot and have fun just jumping around and being fools. there was a time when i was laughing my ass off and jaebeom was standing there staring at me, smiling. i guess he was amused by my ugly laugh but either way it made me blush. after dozens of songs later, jaebeom was doing his last one. he chose a slow love song and the way he was singing it could make anyone fall in love with him. he sung with his eyes closed; he knew it like the back of his hand. he turned to face me and opened his eyes to bore holes into mine. the normal me would avert to look at anything other than his eyes but there was something different about this time. i felt like if i did, my heart would stop or my lungs would burst or something would happen where i couldn’t live anymore. i felt like everything i needed to live was in the eye contact we were currently holding. he continues to sing to me with loving eyes and cups my cheek with his soft hands. my face would be hot if it weren’t for his rings cooling me down. the song ends and he drops the hand holding the mic to his lips to his side. he tilts his head to the side and leans in. his lips meet mine and i freeze. his kiss was soft and delicate like he didn’t want to hurt me, like he was scared i would reject him. i close my eyes and kiss him back. that fear was soon replaced by lust and desire. he bends down to put the mic on the table without breaking the kiss. the now unoccupied hand finds its way to my hip, pulling me closer. my hands move to the back of his neck and get lost in his hair. they move to his chest as i snap out of it and push him away. “you have a girlfriend” i say in disgust. “how could you even think about doing this to her?” i furrow my eyebrows “to me?” i reach for the door handle and jaebeom grabs my wrist. “y/n” i shake him off aggressively and walk out of the noraebang and all the way home.

when i get home jaebeom is waiting for me in the couch with his head in his hands. i try to walk past him quickly to my room but as soon as he sees me and jumps up almost immediately to block my way. “y/n please let me explain” “what is there to explain?” i maneuver my way around him. “a lot” he follows me on my way to my room. “no i think i understood the situation very clearly” i try to slam my door but he stops it with his hand. “no you didn’t and you still don’t” “ahh really? what part about you kissing me while having a girlfriend could i not possibly understand?” i succeed in slamming the door this time and lock the door. “all of it!” he yells through the door. i take a deep breath and rub my temples. i take a hot shower to calm my nerves and stay in my room for the rest of the day until it was time to go to bed.

the next day i pack a bag early in the morning and go to jackson’s place. i just couldn’t stay in that house, i needed a break. i think i’ve been more stressed in the last two day than i’ve ever been in my life. i ring on the doorbell and thankfully jackson answers the door. “y/n what the hell are you doing here so early?” “so i don’t have to see jaebeom” “what? why? don’t tell me you guys fought already” “i tell you everything” i walk inside and to the living room.

i finish my story without getting my blood completely boiling. “well, i think you should let him explain” jackson says as if it were that simple. “no! why should i?” “you know how hard it can be to control feelings especially if they’re strong and i know jaebeom, i know he wouldn’t be so irrational”. i know i should trust what jackson says because despite his stupidity at times, he actually gives good advice but i can’t help but get upset thinking about what jaebeom did. i just wish he would have vocalized himself first before making such an impulsive decision. “plus i know things that you don’t” he says persuasively. “ok but give me a few days to cool down” “as much time as you need as long as you listen to him” he pats me on the shoulder. “great so can i stay here?” it wouldn’t be too bad because jackson’s girlfriend knows me and would be understanding. “you- wah~ unbelievable! yes but only for two days ok” “i thought you said i could take as much time as i needed” “you can but not in my house” he gets up to go to his room. “some friend huh” “the best” he shouts down the hallway.

it’s been about four days and i get a text message from a random number.

“y/n hey it’s jaebeom when you see this please respond. i am so sorry for what i have done but if you could just let me talk to you everything will be better, i promise”

i could not believe this man had the audacity to text me. did it look like i wanted to talk to you?

i respond anyway.

“promises are made to be broken”

i turn off my phone in anger. how did he even get my number in the first place? i close my eyes and take a deep breath “jackson!” i yell. he peeps into the room like a kid who got caught stealing a piece of candy. “did you give my number to jaebeom?” “yes but-” “no buts, you’re supposed to be my friend and help me why would you do that?” i say starting to get fed up. “because! you need to get out my house y/n! it’s almost been a week. how am i supposed to get some quality alone time with my girl if you’re here moping around?” i stay silent. now i see why he needed me to move out. he sighs “listen, jaebeom is at work right now so we could go over there-” i cut him off “no. nope, not possible” “y/n listen to me please” he says in a serious tone.  “fine” “ok so we can go and when he comes home i can help let both sides of the story be told and let you guys come to an understanding and everything can be sunshine, happy, and rainbows again” i laugh at the last part. “so do we have a deal?” i sigh deeply in defeat “deal”.

when we get to my shared home, i go to my room to put my bag away and jackson follows with a chair. “why are you bringing that?” “we need to all be facing each other you know. i read somewhere that it helps the brain process information in a more understanding way” i don’t think he did but i’d rather not question jackson at his weird times. i open my room door and walk in to see jaebeom sitting on my bed. i turn back to leave and the door is closed. i try the handle and it doesn’t budge. jackson yells from the other side of the door “you’re not coming out until you guys are all made up” i roll my eyes so far back they nearly get stuck. “y/n” a soft voice comes from behind me. “yes” i answer back with poison in my tone. “please” his voice plead and i found it hard to say no. i turn back and sit next to him on the bed, making sure to keep my distance. “go ahead” “thank you. firstly, i want to say i’m sorry for not speaking my mind before i made such a choice and not trusting you enough to tell you the situation and making you feel used. so that woman that you saw me with that first night was once my girlfriend that i actually considered to be my girlfriend but that was ages ago in college. i got this place when i was in a good enough position to and everything was good for a while but then bills got overwhelming and i needed some help and she was there for me. but then she got extremely controlling and i wanted to break up with her for the longest time but every time i’d try to she’d threaten me by saying that i’d lose this place and that my parents wouldn’t take me back because they told me not to do this and i just felt so trapped” i rub his shoulder in an attempt to console him. “so when jackson said that you could move in i was so relieved like the weight of the world was lifted off of me. that night when she stormed out and i followed her, i broke things off and that had to have been the best night of my life. i didn’t want to tell you we broke up at first because i knew that no matter how many times i’d say it’s not your fault, you’d still blame yourself. and i was embarrassed to tell the truth, i was afraid you’d think i was pathetic. but i feel even more pathetic now that you’re mad at me and you have a right to because it’s all my fault”. i started to feel guilty “jaebeom no it’s not, i should’ve let you explain yourself. i was a insensitive bitch and i should’ve listened to you instead of leaving without notice” “no don’t say that” he cups my cheek just like he did in the noraebang minus the rings so this time, my face was heating up completely. “why shouldn’t i?” i ask, my voice barely above a whisper. “because i hate seeing you beat yourself up and every time you do i want to kiss you until the sun comes up” his face was so close that his breath was brushing lightly on my face. “so why don’t you?” “can i?” “god jaebeom yes”. he crashes his lips into mine with longing and fervour; i return the same emotions. i feel his hands all over me and he lays me down without breaking the kiss. “let me make everything up to you” he kisses a trail down my jaw to my chest. he hastily pulls my shorts down and spreads apart my legs. he kisses the insides of my thighs lovingly and pulls down my underwear.

he collapses next to me and we both catch our breaths. he pulls me on top of him and holds me in his arms. he caresses my cheek “you’re so beautiful” he kisses me on my forehead and i smile. we stay there for a while, enjoying each other’s presences until my stomach rumbles and i curse at myself. “hungry?” he chuckles. i cover my face with my hands and smile shyly. he pulls my hands away from my face and kisses them. “come on, i’ll make you something and i won’t let it catch on fire” i frown at him and he laughs. he puts on his boxer briefs and leaves the room. i soon follow him to his room to steal some clothes from him. i search through his drawer and grab a black long sleeve to put on. jaebeom comes behind me and grabs me by the waist to move me out of the way so he can search through the drawer as well. “is jackson still here?” “no he left a long time ago” i hum in understanding. “wait, how do you know? and come to think of it how did you get out the room?” he freezes in front of me like a deer caught in headlights and runs out the room. i catch up to and jump on his back. he falls to the ground “tell me!” i start pinching him. “ok ok i asked him to plan it” “you ask him to plan for us to have sex?!” “no! i asked him to bring you here so i can apologize and leave after 30 minutes so then i could confess but i guess things took another route”. “ugh i hate you guys” i ease off of him but he turns on his back and pulls me back down on him. “you couldn’t possibly hate me babe”

[sevenseasofrog]

Lads ‘n Lasses Chapter 3

Pairing- highschool!ben x fem!reader

Summary- single sex schools are never boring

Word Count- 1,467

a/n- sorry this ones only short, as I’ve said though, the next chapter is a little juicier, it’ll be up later next week :) hopefully y’all like it though !!❤️❤️

As ever, September crawled by painfully slowly, with each student rebuilding the exhausting school routine for yet another year. For most of the other girls in your school, they started their day with a steaming mug of coffee or loose leaf tea. Your day however started with a real mug, who stood outside your door at 7:15 each morning waiting for you to stumble out. For the pair of you, coffee came later on in the process.

It would be fair to say that you had never bonded with someone quite so quickly as you had with Ben. The walks to school were no longer quiet and solemn as they once had been, and the walks home from school had you reaching your house with even more energy than you had at the start of the day. The pair of you had clicked into place almost immediately after first meeting each other, and it had become an extremely rare occurrence to see one of you without the other outside of school hours. You were most gracious when your friendship group welcomed him with open arms, a little. nervous at first that they wouldn’t want the new boy to cause a commotion. Him and Lewis became equally great friends, and it was nice knowing that he had friends at school too. The pair were hilarious to watch when they were together, mainly because they were polar opposites. There was Ben, short blonde hair, piercing green eyes, perfectly symmetrical face, very athletically built and a little shorter than the rest of the boys in his year; and then there was Lewis, long and lanky, often nicknamed Stretch by others, deep brown eyes, mousey brown bowl cut and slightly wonky teeth. The two boys couldn’t have been more different if they tried, but being able to call them your friends was one of the greatest privileges.

Things had moved quickly since the start of the new term, and you were working tirelessly to complete coursework in school simply so you didn’t have to do it at home, luckily, the free periods you had after lunch were becoming increasingly useful now the workload had gotten heavier. It was equally convenient that your friends were in a similar mindset, which meant that the time you had after school wasn’t spent alone. Making the most of the autumn warmth, the five of you would often head down to the park where you would lie contently until someone’s parents rang, instructing them to come home, at which point you would all leave. Maria and Lewis would step off the tram first, then Niamh a few stops later, once again leaving you and Ben alone for the rest of the journey home.

“You coming back to mine for a bit then?” You asked, looking up from your bag, in which you were searching for the pack of chewing gum you knew was floating around in there somewhere.

“Don’t have any reason not to, Mum and Dad are away on business until Sunday night anyway.” You felt yourself frown a little, today was Thursday, and to you it seemed a little unfair for Ben’s parents to leave him alone for a good chunk of the week, especially since you had become aware that this happened more often than not.

“D’ya wanna come round to mine tomorrow though? only seems fair really, your parents will start confusing me as one of their own otherwise” Ben had a gleam in his eyes and you let out a scoff.

“Go on then, I’ll check later yeah?”

Dinner was practically on the table by the time you and Ben reached the house, and it wasn’t long before you had both finished and we’re making your way upstairs. As ever, you flopped down onto your neatly made duvet, and Ben parked himself on the spinning office chair which was by your desk.

“I’m. So. Tired.” You dragged out each syllable for emphasis.

“Nah, you’re not the one doing laps of a field each day”, Ben replied with a smirk, stretching his arms above his head.

“That’s because I love myself dipstick.” You spoke back, giggling to yourself a little.

“Don’t be a bitch! I carry the whole bloody rugby team at the moment!”

“Sure you do… What would we do without our knight in shining armour to score all the tries in a match no one realllyyy cares about”, you both rolled your eyes at each other before Ben could slide in another sarcy comment.

Believe it or not, you enjoyed moments like this, you were both being yourself and there was no one else there to tell you to pack it in. Time you spent with Ben always went a little too quickly for your liking however, since you would both spend hours talking, it was easy to lose track of how late it was.

“Shit! it’s half-nine!”

“Are you joking?” You asked, genuinely shocked

“Unfortunately not”, Ben spoke as he sprang up from next to you on the bed and began to pick up his bag and put his jumper back on for the journey back to his house. You walked down the stairs with him and to the front door where you gave a quick hug before yawning.

“See you tomorrow Jonsey”

“y/n l/n.” He paused “We both know we’ll be talking on the phone in like 20 minutes so don’t get too ahead with yourself, aight?”

“You got me there!”, You three your arms up in defeat, “Now please piss off so I can go to bed!”

Ben gave one last grin before turning and heading down the gravelled path of your otherwise green driveway, you watched him walk to the corner of the dimly-lit road before shutting the front door and trudging up the stairs back to your room for the night.

When Ben said you’d be talking again shortly, he really wasn’t lying, and it hadn’t been half an hour before your phone began to buzz uncontrollably.

The bois and the gorls: 3 New Messages

Prince Ben of the South joined the chat

Prince Ben of the South:

Gooooooooooood eveeeeninggggg everyoneeeee

Nev joined the chat

Nev:

What.

Dear Maria Count Me In joined the chat

Dear Maria Count Me In:

Hello??

You joined the chat

Le Artiste:

Wassup

Prince Ben of the South:

Lewissss ??

Where are you my beany friend ??

Le Artiste:

What dya want jonsey

Long Boy joined the chat

Long Boy:

At your service

Prince Ben of the South:

Right

K

So

Not sure if you all care but basically I just got a message from the team group chat and there’s gonna be a halloween shout at some point in the holidays so do yall wanna be my plus four or na?

Nev:

Nice one mateee

Le Artiste:

Oooooooo

Long Boy:

One question my noble companion

Costumes?

Prince Ben of the South:

oh you know it ;)

Dear Maria Count Me In:

Omg yes

Le Artiste:

Im sold

Long Boy:

Don’t see why not ?

Prince Ben of the South:

We should SO do a group thing

Nev:

Fuck off

Dear Maria Count Me In:

Oooooooo, acc that’s quite a good idea

Long Boy:

Only if y/n is in charge of what we wear

Le Artiste:

So im a fashion designer as well now ???

Prince Ben of the South changed your name to Coco Channel

Nev:

Evidently, u better make me look HOT tho

Coco Channel:

of course bby ;)

Dear Maria Count Me In:

Is that that then ??

I can sleep now ??

Prince Ben of the South:

You are all free to go :)

Nev left the chat

Dear Maria Count Me In left the chat

Long Boy:

Not until i know how much of a prick ill look at this thing

What am I wearingggg

Coco Channel:

Gimmie a sec ive had like 3 seconds to think

Prince Ben of the South:

Steady on lhewees

Give the gal a chance

Long Boy:

If this isnt good then ill sue

Coco Channel:

Anything for u dear

Long Boy left the chat

Prince Ben of the South:

I have no problem believing that

Btw if u make me look silly then ill never forgive u

Coco Channel:

Im quite sure u wont tbh

Prince Ben of the South:

Cya in like 10 hours g

Coco Channel:

Bye stinky :)

Prince Ben of the South left he chat

You gave a tired sigh before placing your phone down on your bedside table and flicking off the lamp next to it, as you pulled the crisp duvet up to your ears, wondering what on earth you had just signed up for.

There was one thing you knew for certain however.

This was bound to be good.

Very good indeed.

tags(if you want tagging in future chapters lemmie know !!) - @fatbottomedbitch , @crazyweirdocalledfriday , @disaster—bisexual , @seedless-vascular , @annoyedsloth , @borhapandshawn , @prettysureimgayxo

[pjbehindthesun]

chapter 24: slow thaws and cold showers

Sunday, November 4th, 1990

“Think you can make it, or do you want me to carry you over the threshold?”

“I got it, thanks,” I mutter to Alex’s stupid smirking face as I drag myself past him and into our apartment, unable to catch my breath to save my own life.

“You sure? You said that at mile two, too, right before you dry-heaved into the Sound…”

“Guess I’m just out of shape.” I ease my shoes off and pour myself into a gross, sweaty puddle on the couch.

“No shit, Sherlock, I guess you need me to leave you in my dust a little more often, give you something to aspire to.” He flexes his arms, where muscles would be if he wasn’t such a string bean, and I’ve officially hit my limit for his smart-ass commentary.

“God, okay, you know what? Just shut the fuck up, you’re not helping.” Alex stops cackling in a hurry at my tone, fixing me with an icy stare.

“What crawled up your ass, Cora? It was just a joke.”

Jokes aren’t funny if you’re the only one laughing, you self-involved asshole. But I know his ego’s not going to accept that for an answer, and I don’t have the energy for a fight right now. “Ugh, I’m sorry, I guess… I don’t know, maybe I’m just coming down with something.”

His expression relaxes a little, although he’s still peering at me. “Yeah, you look pretty pale. Like, more than usual. Want me to get you anything?”

“I’m good, I think I just need to sit here for a second.” You know, until the room stops spinning and my lungs stop burning. What the hell’s wrong with me?

“Okay, you hold down the couch, I’m gonna go shower. Unless you’re up for joining me,” he adds, his voice thick with ironic seduction. He sidles over and strokes my upper arm with his fingertips, and my body shivers with revulsion. Or maybe it was just a chill.

“Thanks but no thanks,” I mumble through gritted teeth.

I close my eyes and sink deeper into the couch, not opening them again until I hear the bathroom door shut and the shower turn on. The first thing they land upon is the phone, sitting innocently on the end table at my feet. I should really call Patch. I miss him, and I want him to tell me what to do about Alex. Well, not really tell me what to do… it’s not his responsibility. But I’ve just had this lingering feeling since he left that I need to make sure he’s really going to be alright with it if I end things with Alex. Somehow it’s like I need to make sure he said his goodbyes when he was here, because I feel so guilty creating a situation where he has to choose a side. I don’t think I can do this unless I know what he thinks.

But Alex is a quick showerer, and that conversation needs a lot more time. What about Lucy? Maybe I can call her and see if I can drop by this afternoon to get away… oh, shit, no, she and Jeff were “painting” today, you couldn’t pay me enough to interrupt that… and anyway, the person I should really call is Stone. I should see if he’s okay by himself or if he needs someone to check in on him.

...Alright, cut the bullshit, you just really want to hear his voice again. His stupid annoying nasal mosquito voice, his stupid cute breathy cackle, that stupid lower register of his voice that always catches me off guard. Fucking asshole, why does everything he does have to be so goddamn endearing… why do I miss him so much… I really just hate how we left things, and I hate how I acted at Cyclops, and I hate that I feel so fucking weird now about just picking up the phone and calling him, I should just do it, call him, just call him, it’s your fucking life, what are you so afraid of…

And like clockwork, Alex switches off the faucet, signaling that I’ve missed my window. God, I hate this, I hate feeling like a prisoner, my life was fucking great when he was gone for a week, what kind of person does that make me? Christ, I don’t even really need to hear it from Patch, this is pathetic, it’s obvious that I need to break up with Alex, I just need better timing…

“Hey, Stinky, your turn!” he booms from the hallway, not even bothering to look around the corner. Christ, what a simple-minded jerk, how did I ever think those kinds of put-downs were cute? Maybe I should just do it now… but ugh, I’m so fucking exhausted, and I have so much work to get done this afternoon… Resigned that it’s going to take a little longer to find the right moment, I haul myself up and toward the shower.

*

“'K, babe, I’m going over to Brian’s for a while, you need anything before I go?”

I lift my forehead up from where it’s been resting on my palm, aware that I’ve probably got a giant handprint from staring at my textbook for so long in one position, and turn to glare at his back as he roots through the fridge for some beer to take to his free-loading friend. “I mean, it’d be swell if you did the dinner dishes or something, I’m gonna be pulling an all-nighter with this problem set.”

“Ha, dishes. Good one.” He closes the fridge, places a rough kiss on the top of my head, and bounds toward the door. “Nice handprint by the way, you look like a fuckin’ Orc. Good luck studying!”

And with that, he heads out the door, rushing right past the disgusting running shoes he’d borrowed from his friend. Weirdly, having those shoes in my house is the closest I’ve ever come to meeting this Brian guy. For all I know, he’s not even real, he could be some made-up excuse Alex has… for all I know, he could be anywhere when he says he’s at “Brian’s,” I mean, Stone could be totally right about Alex cheating, and how would I even know?

Stone. Oh, right.

Well, now that I’ve let my train of thought run careening off these particular tracks, I’m not going to make much headway on marine biogeochemical cycling. And I’m still so… fucking… tired from that run. I gather up my study materials in a haphazard pile and shuffle into my bedroom, where I drop them at the foot of my bed in an unceremonious heap. I circle back to the living room to grab the phone and unloop the phone cord, allowing it to reach down the hall and into my room. Sitting cross-legged on my bed, I stare at the phone like I expect it to make the first move. Come on, what are you so afraid of? It’s just Stone.

I’m thoroughly relieved when I get his answering machine, though. Disappointed, maybe, but relieved. Okay, so I can leave him a short message, nothing rambly, just letting him know I hope he’s doing okay. Casual, right? Friends do that kind of thing, right? That’s not awkward, it’s just considerate, and… oh, crap, the beep…

“Hey, Stone? Uh…” my voice comes out way quieter than I intended. So much for not making it awkward. But before I can get another word out, I hear the apartment door swing open and Alex call my name. Gasping in surprise like a total fucking idiot, I hang up the phone in a panic.

“In here!”

He pokes his head around the door frame. “Wow, going to bed already, huh? Party animal. Anyway, I forgot Brian’s shoes.” He holds up the evidence by the laces before frowning at the phone on our bed. “What’s the deal with that?”

“Oh, uhm…” I search my brain for a lie he’ll believe, because I don’t want to hear another earful about how much he hates the person I was actually calling, “I was just gonna take a study break to call Patch, see how he’s doing in Portland.”

He groans in annoyance, but at least that means he bought it. “Ugh, leave the kid alone, will you? Don’t smother him.”

“Bye, Alex,” my words are daggers, and he chuckles before disappearing.

This time, I wait for him to be well and truly gone. I hear the door close, I count several Mississippis, I leave my room to check the window and make sure his Jeep’s really driving out of the parking lot, and then I settle back down on my bed, prepared to redial and leave Stone an actual message with actual human speech. Except that when I pick up the phone, I’ve lost my nerve. A different number springs to mind, one that was left on my answering machine a few days ago, and I punch it in immediately.

“Hey hey, who’s this?”

“Dorothy’s Mortuary, you kill ‘em we chill ‘em,” I can barely get the words out even before Patch’s bright laughter ruins any chance I have of keeping a straight face.

“Ceeeeeee!” He drawls my nickname out. “Where the fuck have you been? What year is it? This is how long it takes you to return a call, you filthy ingrate?”

“Sorry, kiddo, it's been a week. How are you?”

“Uhm, I'm FINE, what do you MEAN it's been a week? Is there drama?”

“Who, me?”

“Yes, you…”

“Not for me. I’m a good girl, I am.” I change the subject to drown out his derisive snort. “So how's the new place? Where are you even staying now?”

“Good, good, my buddy Ethan, you remember him?”

“Mmm, no, don't think so…”

“Oh come on, little gap-toothed kid, couple years between us in school, kinda looks like a gopher…”

“Oh right, Gopher Kid! Ugh, you realize we’re both going to hell, right?”

“Eternal damnation’s kind of our brand, C. Anyway, he moved out here after graduation. And he just happened to be in need of a new roommate when I called, because the universe is pretty great like that.”

“Jesus, with all that sunshine coming out of your ass, you sound like Lucy. How are we even related?”

“You mock me? Tell me with a straight face that there’s no cosmic plan that led me to reunite with an old friend the day after his roommate went to rehab and left him with an extra Judas Priest ticket.”

“Oh, right, there it is. Definitely related.”

“Told you so, smartass. And I even found one of those job things. It’s this little salon called Curl up and Dye and not a single person in the place has a hair on their head in a color that occurs in nature. This place is perfect, C.”

I relax and listen to my little brother fill me in on the life he’s quickly establishing for himself in Portland, content to let him dominate the conversation with the people he’s met, the social scene, the personalities at his new job. I don’t know how he does it, but he’s always been able to fall into a situation and endear himself to absolutely everyone right away, and it’s like everywhere he’s ever been, he’s home. It’s another reason I sometimes feel like it’s impossible that we’re actually related, if I didn’t know better. It’s just pure dumb luck that I met Lucy when I did, or Chris, or Stone… what if I’d never met any of them? What if it had just been me and Alex this entire year? God, what a thought...

“Hey chatterbox, shut up for a minute and let me get a word in edgewise, will you?” he quips after a silence, and I realize how poorly I’ve been holding up my end of the call. A glance at the clock on my nightstand tells me it’s been an hour and a half already.

“Sorry, kiddo, you were on a tear, I didn’t want to break your momentum.”

“That, or you’re trying to blend into the wallpaper again. What’s up?”

“A preposition.”

“I hate you.”

“I love you too.”

“Seriously, Cora, what’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” I sigh, flopping backward on my bed, “things aren’t going so great with Alex. I think… I might end it… that is, if you…”

“GLORY FUCKING BE, MARK THE DAY AND TIME!!!”

His thunderous response makes me jerk the phone away from my ear. “Are… you serious?”

“What the fuck did I tell you, Cora? You deserve to be happy, and you’ve turned into fucking Eeyore since you moved up there. Don’t tell me that’s seasonal affective disorder, either, your solar power hypothesis is total bullshit.”

“Okay, it’s NOT bullshit, but moving on…”

“...which YOU should have done months ago, but that’s just me…”

“Huh?”

“Look, I told you, maybe it’s just easier for someone who hasn’t seen you in a while to pick up on it. It probably all feels normal to you, but trust me, it’s fucking brutal to see you this unhappy. It was clear the whole time I was staying with you, C, you’re miserable. Sometimes it takes a big shake-up to really be able to see how broken shit was beforehand. You’re gonna look back on this last year and wonder what the fuck took you so long, I promise.”

“Oh...kay…” my brain feels like it’s stuck in low gear. I expected my little brother to be supportive, but I wasn’t prepared for this avalanche of candor. I’m at a loss for words.

“And you know what, another thing,” he rants on, “you have this thing about not leaving, but guess what? You fucking left Carolina, and it was the best thing you ever did, and I know that because I finally got to do it too. Thanks to you, I might add.”

“Well, to be fair, Alex bought your ticket, and he sent you that check, and…”

“Fuck that, okay. Don’t think I’m not grateful, but if you can’t see that check stunt as blatant manipulation then you’re not the smart one in the family after all. I lit the check on fire, C, I lit a joint with it.”

“But… you and Alex are friends…”

“Yeah, and it’s a cute party trick to be able to hold opposing ideas in one’s head at the same time without spontaneously combusting. I can like the guy and still think that since the last time he and I really hung out, he’s started to treat my sister like shit.”

“Okay, okay, you made your point, I concede defeat. Now why the fuck are you so far away? I need a hug.”

A chorus of voices starts to crowd into his end of the line. “Promise me you’ll cut him loose, Cora.”

“I… yeah.”

“K. I gotta go, the night is young.”

“That is such eighteen year old bullshit.”

“Love you.”

“Love you more.”

After hanging up the phone, I can’t help but stare at it in disbelief for several seconds. Until it rings.

“Hello?”

***

“Hey, Stone? Uh…”

I’m a stunned, frozen lump after listening to her message. She called me? What the hell for? If there was any takeaway from last night’s run-in at Cyclops, it’s that she wants to pretend the whole thing never happened! I mean, I’m not thrilled with the whole revisionist history thing, but I figured she needed some space, which I was totally willing to give, and anyway it’s not like I’m in any condition to go beating down anyone’s door, even if that was my style. Chris is right, she and I have a good thing, and it’ll still be there when this fight blows over. I just need to trust that and let it do what it naturally does, which is knit itself back together into something even better after we’ve had some time to cool off. So why is she calling me?  Is this a fever dream? Am I still running a temperature? No, my forehead feels normal…

Whatever it is, I’m not going to let an opportunity get away. I grab the phone and dial her back, but the line’s busy. Fuck. Okay, okay, patience. Grabbing the mandolin from my bedroom, I park myself on the couch next to the phone to pass a little time until she’s done with whatever call she’s on. Actually, the mandolin and I are slowly becoming friends. The more I mess with this thing, the less punishingly complex it seems. It’s actually not that hard to work out a couple of the Mother Love Bone songs this way, come to think of it…

The music makes for a good distraction. The next time I look at the clock, over an hour has gone by. But it’s still only like 9:00, so it’s not too late to call, right?

To my shock, she picks up before the first ring is even done. “Hello?”

At the sound of her voice, I jump up off the couch and start pacing like a grade schooler calling his crush for the first time.

“H-eughhh-” oh, excellent, open with a coughing fit, that really ups the cool factor, “-hey, uh, it’s me, it’s Stone.”

“Oh.” She sounds startled, or maybe it’s that I’m hacking up a lung right in her ear.

“Yeah. Hi.”

“Hey.”

Well, I don't know what I expected. One word answers sound about right given how we left things. “So, uhm… you called me?”

“Uh, yeah… a while ago… were you trying long?”

“No,” I lie shamelessly. “Is this a bad time?”

“No, not at all, I just got off the phone with Patch.” 

“Oh! How’s he doing?”

“He’s good. Uhm, I was just wondering if you were trying to get through the whole time, or…”

“No, honestly, I just tried. Cornell was over here for a while and I missed your call. What's up?”

“Oh, uh, nothing, I just wanted to see if you were doing okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, well, you looked terrible the other day, I just… I don't know, I remembered your parents were out of town and I felt kinda bad thinking about you being sick all by yourself.”

“Aww, really? You were worried about me?”

“Don't get carried away, Stone,  I just didn't want it on my conscience if your parents came back from vacation and found your decomposing body. Too much paperwork.”

A smile spreads across my face at her irritated words. “I’ve honestly never felt so loved.”

She groans. “Well, since we’ve established that you’re not dead, I should probably let you go --”

“No! Hey, it’s been kinda lonely here in quarantine, it’s good to talk to someone. That is, if you can stick around… I don’t wanna keep you…”

After a beat, she mutters in a barely audible tone, “you’re not keeping me.”

“Yeah?” My grin takes on a life of its own as I pick up the phone and walk through my apartment, stretching out on the bed. “We’re back on speaking terms, then?”

“Oh, grow up, we were never not on speaking terms, I just said I wanted to move past it and pretend it never happened.”

“Yeah, and on account of my whole bubonic plague situation, I never got to register my dissatisfaction with that strategy. I still very much want to pretend it did happen.”

“Well,” she equivocates, “it sounds like you’re still plague-adjacent, so now’s hardly the time to duke it out over what did or did not take place…”

Ha! victory! I can hear her fighting off her own smile as I settle into the pillows, savoring the normalcy of bantering with Cora.

“No, you’re right, I’m not really in any shape for another one of our battles. Can I interest you in a temporary ceasefire?”

“With no mention of the things that definitely never happened until some later, as-yet-undetermined summit date?”

“Scout's honor.”

She snorts. “Like hell you were a Boy Scout, Stoner.”

“Stonerrr.” That's it, I can't possibly smile any wider or my face is going to crack. I close my eyes and let her word echo.

“...what?”

“Mmm, I just really missed hearing you call me that.”

“You freak, it's been like, two days.”

“Three, I'll have you know.”

“Oh, because that makes such a huge difference.”

“Long three days, Red.”

“Yeah,” she agrees with a heavy sigh.

Neither of us has anything to say for a little while, but that's never bothered us before. I'm sure as hell not going to say this out loud and get my head bitten off again, but one of my favorite things about her is how comfortable it is to shut up and just… be with her. I can't explain it, and I've definitely never felt that way around any of my other girlfriends, or… well, shit, she's not my girlfriend… I don’t know what she is, but, uh, other girls I've… or people I’ve felt so…

“Were you really a Boy Scout?”

“Child, you cut me to the quick! I’m offended that you don’t believe me.”

“I just can't believe I never knew that! How long did you do it for?”

“Oh, Jesus, I washed out after Cub Scouts. When my troop got to the Webelos stage, it all started seeming kinda fascist.”

“Excuse me, weeb-what now's?”

“Webelos? 'We'll be loyal scouts’?”

“Eeeesh. I see why you ditched.”

“Yeah. Plus, I was an artsy fartsy little kid, uniforms weren't really my style. The only bright side is, it does get kids out into nature a lot and teach them about stewardship.”

“Aww, there's my treehugger.”

I have to chew my tongue to avoid saying anything stupid about how I'll be whatever she wants as long as she keeps calling me hers. “What about you? Did you do the whole scouting thing? Sash, knee socks, cookie sales?”

“I may have failed to impress upon you how backwoods my upbringing really was, Stone. Who would I sell cookies to? The crawdads in the creek behind our house?”

“Crawdads? I'm going to assume this is hillbilly speak for crawfish?” My laughter conflicts with the overwhelming need to sniffle, and I end up choking on my own cough.

“Karma’s a bitch, snot otter.”

“...wh…”

She chuckles. “Snot otter. It's what we grew up calling a particular kind of salamander. But I think it pulls double duty, in your case.”

“I don't know whether I'm flattered or revolted.”

“Definitely revolted. Their other name is hellbender, and they can grow to be like two foot long. They're disgusting. In kind of a beautiful way, though. But it’s sorta sad... a lot of people have misconceptions that they’re poisonous or that they eat trout eggs or whatever, so people kill ‘em all the time. But it’s awful for the species because they’re super sensitive to environmental changes, pollution, people fucking up their habitats, shit like that… not where I grew up, though. Our place basically backed up to the park, so they were pretty easy to find.”

She’d never admit it, but her accent thickens ever so slightly when she talks about growing up. And I’d never admit it, but it’s incredibly hot.

“This is a pretty idyllic image you’re painting, here, Red. I’m picturing you and Patch, two dirty-faced feral rugrats hunting for salamanders out in the hollers.”

“Pretty much, yeah. Not a lot of supervision.”

“Which park?”

“Great Smoky Mountains.”

“Whoa, cool. I’ve never been.”

“Yeah, but you’re spoiled, growing up out here with these huge, violent mountains. You’d probably think mine are pretty boring.”

“Fat chance. Let’s go sometime.”

“Oh, sure, yeah, just let me get my coat.”

“I mean it. I don’t know, in the highly likely scenario that the band takes off and we actually get to go around the country, you should take me there.”

She snorts. “Long as we steer clear of Beaverdam, you got a deal.”

“Be… beaver dam?”

“Alright, yes, that’s the name of my hometown, laugh it up, Gossard.”

“Beaverdam! Jesus Christ, your childhood’s a comedic goldmine, how come you never --” my hysterical laughter does battle with the gunk in my chest and loses, and the resulting sound effect makes Cora startle.

“Ugh, loveyou.”

“Huh, what’d you say?” I manage to wheeze out, my laughter stopping abruptly.

“Lovely!” she squeaks. “I said, ‘lovely!’ The fucking sounds you’re making, uh, they’re just lovely…”

“Riiight,” I mumble, dangerously close to invalidating our ceasefire. “What else should I know about your childhood? Any other gems?”

“Nuh-uh, it’s your turn, I’ve already said too much.”

“I’m an open book, what do you want to know?”

“Hmm. Something really embarrassing. Your first kiss?”

“Starting out with the first kiss? You don’t mess around, huh?”

“Hey, you already know about mine, we’re on an uneven battlefield.”

“True, true. Okay, well, I was 12…”

“Early bloomer!”

“By your standards, everyone’s an early bloomer. Anyway,” I breeze on past her muttered “rude” and continue with my voluntary humiliation in the name of love, “your embarrassment radar’s right on target, it was an icebreaker party at the start of 7th grade. And this one girl, Evie, she took the whole icebreaker concept to heart. Dragged me into a closet for an awkward makeout session. I was totally terrified, but definitely along for the ride. She stuck her tongue in my mouth, and I was so shocked I actually tripped and fell backward into a pile of coats. So obviously losing my balance and falling on my ass when a pretty girl kisses me is a recurring theme.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she manages through her laughter.

“Right, right, the ceasefire. Okay, your turn… uh, favorite Halloween candy?”

“You’re a slow learner, Stone. Who was I gonna trick or treat from, the snot otters?”

“You poor, deprived child. You’ve got to have a favorite candy, though, you’re only human.”

“Well, yeah… M&Ms… but only if eaten correctly.”

“How does one eat M&Ms incorrectly?”

“Let me guess, you probably just scoop up handfuls and eat them indiscriminately, right? Uncultured swine. You have to eat them in the right order.”

“They… all taste the same, Cora, it’s just food coloring… Jesus, you actually eat them in an order?”

My curiosity and horror is enough to make me sit up in bed. Also, being vertical helps with the inevitable oncoming coughing fit as she unpacks whatever ridiculousness led her to this compulsion.

“I swear they taste different!”

“You’re insane! Wait, what's the order?”

“Light to dark, obviously. Yellow, orange, green, red, light brown, dark brown.”

“Okay, (a), in no universe is that light to dark, you need to get your eyesight checked. And (b), like, what happens if you get a bag of M&Ms at the movies and you can’t see what color you’re eating??”

“That’s why only amateurs order M&Ms at the movies, Stone. I’m a Whoppers girl.”

“Wrong again! You get popcorn at the movies, idiot. Jesus, I never realized you were so damaged. What is your childhood trauma? Who hurt you, baby?”

We go back and forth like this for what feels like hours, trading blows and sharing silly, insignificant details of our lives, and it’s almost like nothing had ever happened between us. Almost. I’m still in this bed, trying not to think too much about how good it felt to have her wrapped around me under these covers just a few nights ago, trying not to think about every little curve of her body and how obscenely good she looked in my ratty old clothes, how badly I want her to come over so we can finally hash our shit out and admit to one another that we need to give this thing a try for real. And another secret truth of my life surfaces, one that she doesn’t need to hear about tonight when we’re still on such thin ice: that being sick with a cold or the flu always, always brings with it the rather odd side effect of being more easily aroused. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s boredom from being at home too much, or wanting to be taken care of during a time of vulnerability, or whatever, but suddenly every thought of Cora, and her every word, however mundane, is making me feel extra amorous. Luckily, our conversation hit a bit of a lull as we ran out of facts to trade. Now she’s tried to multitask and work on her homework, which gives me the opportunity to shift around in bed and try to force my body out of caveman mode. Until she speaks again.

“You know what’s really hard?”

Shit! How did she…! God, calm yourself, you dirtbag, there’s no way she’s talking about you, get your mind out of the gutter. “...uh, what’s that?”

“The oceanic carbon cycle. I give up. I’m too stupid to science.”

“Oh, yeah, that.” I clear my throat and take a mental cold shower. “Well, I don’t know anything about it, but I know you’re not stupid. It’s just really late, your brain's protesting the working conditions.”

“I should probably let you get some rest, huh?”

“Nah, you’re fine, I basically slept all day, I could keep going with you all night.” What. the fuck. is wrong. with me. “Talking, I mean… obviously… talking all night...”

“And I’m obviously not being productive over here. Ha, maybe I should just come over, we could waste time together --”

“Yes.” I slap my forehead after cutting her off mid-word. Smooth.

“Whoa, hey there, quickdraw,” she chuckles. Okayyy, maybe I’m not the only one with my mind in the gutter…

“I promise, that’s not a recurring theme.”

“Gross, Stone,” but she’s still laughing, “do you really want me to come over?”

Yes. “I mean, no, I know it’s late, it’s a school night, and I don’t want you coming down with whatever disease this is.”

“You’re probably right. Alex will probably be back soon anyway.”

Well good news, I’ve officially found the world’s most effective boner-killer, it’s hearing the girl of your dreams talk about her boyfriend.

“Right. Hey, at the risk of endangering the ceasefire, uhm, how’s… how’s all that going?”

“Alex?” I can hear the scowl. “Uhm. Truthfully?”

“Of course.”

“Been better. A lot better, actually.”

“Really. Care to elaborate?”

“I'm not sure how much elaboration the topic deserves. How much can I really milk out of, 'I'm trying to find the right time to tell my only boyfriend ever that I want to break up’?”

It’s a struggle to keep my voice casual even though it feels an octave higher. “Huh… break up, huh?”

“Yup. I've known it's the right thing to do for a while, I guess, even before our whole… you know…”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Anyway, I'm chickenshit, I have no idea what I'm doing. How does one even initiate a conversation like that?”

“Is that a rhetorical question or are you asking for advice? Just checking before I accidentally step on a landmine…”

“No, I'm really asking. You had to break up with at least a few of that long string of girlfriends, right?”

“That's right.”

“What's it like?”

“Uhm, it really depends on the person, on the relationship. Sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's liberating.”

“But… like… how? Sorry, I know I'm embarrassingly stupid on the topic, I just…”

“Nah, you're not stupid, it's your first break-up. Everybody has it sooner or later. I don't know, though. I've always been able to turn on the Spock side of my brain when I need to have a hard conversation with someone, you know, remove the emotion from the situation and just help them see what's going on, that it's nothing personal and that the person is still important to you, but that it's just not working for either of you anymore. That sometimes it's just better for everyone if you part as friends.”

“Wow… can I hire you to break up with Alex for me?”

“And deprive you of this important developmental milestone? Nah. You got this.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, although I'm pretty sure it's misplaced. There's literally no such thing as the right time to have that conversation.”

“No, of course not. And in your defense, I’ve never dumped someone after being with them for so long. Five years is a really long time.”

“Thanks, Stone, helpful,” she jeers.

“That’s what I’m here for. Just don't… don't put it off forever. Like you said, it's never going to feel 'right,’ but the longer you wait to actually break up with someone, the more you just simmer in your bad feelings, and the more resentful and emotional you get about it.”

That, and the sooner you can move on to someone new who actually cares about your happiness, although I keep that thought-grenade to myself.

“Thanks, Stone.”

“Don't mention it.”

“Well, I've made this conversation sufficiently weird, and I feel about as good as day-old roadkill, so I think it's time to make my exit. Anyway, you do need to get some sleep, no matter what you say.”

Roadkill, huh? Hope she's not getting the same bug I have. “It was good to talk to you, Cora. I miss this.”

“Don't tell anyone, but me too.”

“Our secret. Goodnight.”

“Night, Stoner.”

It takes a long time staring up into space after we’ve hung up for me to process what just happened. Our slow thaw, the precarious ceasefire, her slip of the tongue, breaking up with Cletus… just when I think I have her figured out, she confuses the shit out of me all over again, and I don't think I'm ever going to get tired of it. Feeling both exhausted and hopeful, I settle myself under the covers and hug my spare pillow to my chest, fading fast.

***

Monday, November 5th, 1990

“Cora, table 6 looks ready for the check, are you alive over there or what?”

Colleen shoots me a nasty sideways glance as she edges behind where I'm leaning on my elbows on the bar. Ugh. Easy for her to be a colossal bitch about it, she doesn't know I feel so fucking weak that I almost fainted in lab this afternoon and that I can barely stay upright during my shift. And why's it so cold in this fucking restaurant all of a sudden? Yeah, I'll get those drunk fuckers their check, if you turn up the fucking heat… ordinarily, I’d be pining for my shift to end so I can go home and sleep off whatever this ridiculous exhaustion is, except that I swore to myself that tonight’s the night I’d finally rip off the bandaid and break up with Alex. And I’m in no huge hurry to have that conversation, no matter how simple Stone made it sound.

Just as I've wrapped up the table, the door chime signals a new customer, and I'm about to start a fresh internal tirade of self-pity when I recognize a familiar face under the black hat, sunglasses, and curtains of dark hair. My bad mood evaporates.

“Cready!”

“Hey, Cora, what's up?”

“My temper, so thanks for being the first non-idiot customer I've had all shift long.”

“No promises,” he gives me his usual affable grin. “Can I trouble you for a beer?”

“You got it. Anything for dinner? You look pretty wiped out.”

“Yeah, look who’s talking,” he air-traces what are probably vicious dark circles on my face.

“Okay, okay, so we both look like a hundred bucks,” I grin. “Whatcha having?”

“You guys still doing breakfast? I need pancakes.”

“Mike, it’s like 8:30 at night.”

“The heart wants what it wants,” he pouts, making me shield my eyes from the kitteny cuteness.

“Okay, alright, put the big guns away. I know a guy in the back.”

“You’re a very pale angel.”

“You’re a very hungover idiot.”

The crowd’s thinned out, which gives me a chance to socialize with Mike for a while without incurring more hassling from Colleen. It’s nice, just getting to catch up with him without the entire Mookie herd, even when he looks like he’s about to drop dead.

“So what’s got you so tired, dude?”

“Selene,” he pronounces around a mouthful of illicit pancake.

I try to wolf-whistle, but I’ve always sucked at whistling. “So someone had a good weekend.”

“I’m a shell of my former self. Write something nice on my headstone, this woman’s killing me.”

“Do I detect a complaint?”

“Not in the slightest. She’s nuts, she knocks on my door at the craziest hours, I never know when she’s gonna show up, and it’s always a little like...” he mimes an explosion with his hands, making the accompanying bomb noise, “warfare.”

“Wow, hey, I’m good with the PG-13 version, okay?”

With a sly grin, he asks, “speaking of warfare, how’s shit with you and Stone?”

I shift my weight to my other hip, narrowing my eyes. “We’re pretty much the same. We called a temporary truce while he’s sick as a dog. Didn’t seem fair.”

“Yeah, well, you guys need to hurry up and figure your shit out, the whole world feels wobbly when you fight.”

I reach over the counter to lightly chuck his chin. “Aww, don’t worry, Sport, it’s not your fault, and we both still love you very much and we promise to take you to Disneyworld on Saturdays, okay?”

But Mike’s undeterred. “Seriously, Cora, you guys are ridiculous. I know he pissed you off somehow, he pisses everyone off, but whatever he did, you know his heart was in the right place. Can’t fault a guy for being good-hearted and wrong.”

“Yeah… okay.” In bemused silence, I watch him inhale the last scraps of his pancake and swig the rest of his beer, clap too much money on the table, and unsteadily get to his feet.

“Be good, okay?” he calls over his shoulder, waving on his way out the door. What a deeply weird, troubling, sweet individual.

Colleen sneaks up on me again as I’m wiping the counter after clearing Mike’s dishes, making me jump back from her beady stare and the chubby finger she’s got aimed at my nose.

“You… you look like absolute hell. You getting sick?”

“Uhm, no, I think it’s just been a long day, and…”

“Yeah, okay, and the pope doesn’t shit in his hat.”

“...is that a saying?”

“You’re all clammy and sweaty. Get the hell out of my restaurant before you get us shut down for health code violations.”

“Are you firing me?”

Colleen rolls her eyes just before she turns her back to me on her way to the kitchen. “No, you tiny little fool, you’re my best waitress, just go sleep it off. Somewhere else!”

I stand with my feet glued to the floor and my shoulders in a slump, working hard to summon the energy needed to collect my things and walk home. Maybe she’s right, maybe I am coming down with something… oh, fuck, it better not be whatever Stone had… oh, I’ll kill him if I survive this…

Sure enough, I’m barely able to drag my way up the stairs to the fourth floor, and I’m feeling feverish and nauseous by the time I push the door open. And that’s before I hear the sounds. Coming from the bathroom. Either I’ve progressed to full-on hallucinations, or those are the unmistakable sounds of two people having loud sex in the shower. Blinking, dazed, out-of-body, someone who looks like me but definitely isn’t me marches to the kitchen and turns the dishwasher on. Hot.

The girl who isn’t me stands here in my boots, impassively absorbing the panicked yelps coming from the now-freezing people under the showerhead. I wish this girl who isn’t me would move, would go somewhere else, would cover her eyes, would do anything other than witness what’s happening: Alex, clambering out of the bathroom in a towel, and an unfamiliar blonde woman hastily tugging on her dress over her soaking body. She’s taller than me. And thinner. Bigger boobs. I wish I didn’t know any of this.

“Cora! Wha… you’re early, I thought your shift was done at 11!” Alex glances at the clock, the whites of his eyes showing as he struggles to wrap the towel in place. Suddenly, the girl who isn’t me vacates my body, and I find my own voice. And despite my aching throat, it’s loud.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did you want me to come back later when you’re finished???”

“No, fuck, no, I’m so sorry, I had no idea you were… I can explain, this is --”

My head starts to pound. I don’t need the explanation. “I don’t care.”

“-- Cindy, uh, she’s --”

“Hey, Cindy,” I wave acidly to the woman who’s yanking on one of her high-heeled boots and straightening her dress, as if there’s any dignity left to be had for any of us.

“-- babe, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for you to find out like this, it’s just…”

“Find out??” I repeat. “How… how long have you…”

“Alex, who the FUCK is this?” Oh. Cindy speaks. How nice. She sounds like a dog’s squeeze toy.

“I was his girlfriend, until about three minutes ago,” I answer her, while keeping my stare fixed on the man I thought I knew, who’s staring back at me in desperation so exaggerated it belongs in a cartoon. “I live here. He doesn’t live here anymore.”

“Babe, no, calm down, we can fix this, we --”

But Cindy does the heavy lifting for me, shrieking like a dental drill. “You have a GIRLFRIEND? Have you been with her the whole time?” Please don’t tell me how long the whole time was. Please don’t tell me how long the whole time was. But she shrieks on, “all fucking year?? You BASTARD!”

Her other boot flies through the air and clocks Alex on the shoulder. He shoots a frenzied glance from Cindy to me and back again, as if he expects quarter from either of us, stammering madly.

“I -- I meant to tell you, I --” Jesus, he doesn’t even know which of us to apologize to first. My fever’s raging and I’ve seen enough. I need this goddamn circus out of my house. I close my eyes and say the only words that remain to be said.

“I need you to go.”

“My fucking pleasure,” Cindy collects her boot and crookedly flounces out of my apartment and slams the door behind her, and even with my eyes shut tight, I know that Alex is still here, staring pleadingly at me. I force myself to look at him.

“You too. Just go. Stay somewhere else. You can get your things tomorrow,” I explain calmly, like he’s a survivor of a flood or a house fire.

“Where the fuck am I supposed to go, exactly??” he shouts, waving his hands in panic and almost losing the towel.

“Go to Brian’s,” I sigh with boredom, “you’ve practically been living there all year anyway, what difference should one more night make.”

“I… I can’t.” He swallows hard.

That’s it, my temper’s finally back. “And why the fuck not?”

“Uhm, Cindy’s his… she’s his fiancée.”

“Perfect. Just perfect. I don’t care where the fuck you go, you’re not staying here.”

Feeling suddenly faint, I ease myself down to the couch and clench my teeth as I wrap the afghan around my shoulders.

“Christ, babe, you look awful, are you coming down with something? Don’t kick me out, let me stay, let me help you…” he inches closer, but my glare and final word stops him.

“Out.”

His face contracts, he nods, he slinks back to what used to be our bedroom to put on some clothing and pack a spare overnight bag. Without another word or another attempt at eye contact, he scuttles out. The breeze from the door closing sends me into an uncontrollable shiver, the only sign of life left in the apartment.

[swampgallows]

therapy today went okay but i feel like i talked too much lmfao. i passed out around like 10pm and now im awake again and uhh hmmm ngngngghghhhmhm

also she asked me like “find out what you wanna get out of therapy and then we can set some goals” lmao i wanna GET FIXED 

i dunno if i am actually mentally ill or if it’s just my mom/environment or if i’m neurodivergent somehow or if i need medication or whatever the fuck it is, i just know that it’s not normal to feel okay one day and then have some minor thing happen that catapults me into feeling suicidal. im doing better lately but that’s why i signed up for therapy NOW because i know when im feeling good i get this delusion of like “haha see i never needed it at all :)” and then some little fucking thing happens (or nothing happens) and suddenly i cant get out of bed for three days. i told her that i think it’s more than my environment because even when i was busy at work and even when i was busy and away from home in college i had extremely persistent and severe depression, got into several different overlapping abusive relationships, nearly failed my classes one semester, and then i got hit by a car, was in a wheelchair for 6 months, then had our car hit by a semi immediately afterward. it’s time for new glasses btw lmao as i am still wearing the same pair that got scratched to shit and annihilated in the accident. lmfao The Accident™

this is a pic of them from the night of the accident and the scratches have only gotten worse. id take a new pic but im in bed in the dark and whatever

the therapist seemed impressed with my psychology knowledge which was kind of discomforting, in a way. i guess im just so used to my own situation and people utilizing the internet to learn about their own head cases that i dont consider it novel to have actually done research. also because with my other experiences i felt like doctors would be dismissive of me as if i was trying to one-up them or something, like “well -I- have the degree and YOU dont” like, well yeah, im not sitting here trying to correct you but i am gonna use the terminology im familiar with even if theyre super special SAT words or w/e (like i’m gonna say shit like “comorbid” and “hypnagogic” because that’s the terminology i use all the time to describe these situations... i throw out “5 dollar words” all the time :\) but i think maybe by also having a video/verbal conversation w me that she knows i’m not sitting there meticulously typing up the most fancy schmancy shit i can find, flippin through a thesaurus like a blood elf nobleman vampire’s purple prose or somethin.

i guess what i wanna get out of therapy is uh

1. i dont want to be suicidal, which means 2. i have to build confidence, which means 3. i have to become self-reliant, or more self-reliant than i am.

she suggested, on the grounds of my mom giving me interrogation any time i try to go out on my own (hence me only feeling comfortable to go out when i fucking sneak out of the house or on the VERY rare occasions that she isn’t home) that i have a written list that i either give to her personally or write out and leave for her to read at her leisure of all the answers to her questions: where ive gone, when i’ll be back, what i’m doing, etc. the problem is coming home, though, because then she reads me the riot act of guilt on anything i did. if i go out and get food, it becomes about her. if i go out and do an errand, it becomes about her. everything i do somehow falls back on her. 

i explained to the therapist that even when i was still working—a perfect chance to learn to drive and drive regularly—i took the bus the entire time. but i’d have to be driven TO the bus stop and then take the bus to work, which meant my mom drove me to the bus every day. and my dad would talk about how good it was for MY MOM to have a reason to get up in the morning, and that it’s good for her because it gives her a kind of schedule or obligation to follow. so then like... my schedule now becomes HER schedule. and i martyr my potential independence of driving to work on my own in order to give my mom a sense of purpose. 

so...every day, mom picked me up from the bus stop, just like she had been for all the years i was in school. of course i never went out and did anything after (or before!) work; i never had the freedom. sure i could tell my mom partway through the day if i was staying late or going somewhere else, but my work was also in the middle of a canyon, five miles of nothing in either direction. if i missed the bus home, i wouldnt have another chance to go home for another hour. so having buses come only once an hour and then also having my mom waiting for me at the stop... it was just too much trouble to say like “hm i think i’ll go grab a smoothie before work” or “maybe i’ll hang with my coworkers a bit and go grab dinner with them” or “maybe i’ll start going to the gym after work”. i couldnt make any executive decisions about my own life. i think that restriction of freedom happens for lower income people too, since youre relying on a (notoriously shitty) bus service to get anywhere and you also cant just throw money around that often. i had a little slush fund to treat myself every so often but i didnt have the access to it. 

EVERY day that i was 20 minutes away from the stop i would have to text my mom the name of the stop (imagine, if it were “maple street” or something, my entire text message history with my mom just being “maple” “k” “maple” “k” back and forth for months) in case she had fallen asleep or was doing something, as the bus would sometimes be late or early or whatever. and sometimes i would delay that text on purpose to have the extra time to buy something from one of the fast food places located at my bus stop, then hide it in the bottom of my bag and hope it wasn’t too aromatic that my mom would notice and ask me about it. 

BECAUSE if i bought food on a day she made dinner, she would flagellate herself about it, and if i bought food on a day that she DIDNT make dinner she would flagellate herself about it. it’s HER FAULT because she doesn’t make food enough that i have to go buy my own :((((, so the one time she does cook i’m already getting food because she’s unreliable :((((, and shit like that, instead of like, just because there IS food doesn’t...mean anything!!!!! maybe i just wanted a certain kind of food that day!! But it becomes about her!!!! everything i do hurts her. everything i do. so i just got adjusted to just... not eating, or eating the same things over and over. eventually, when i was still working, i would eat nothing but a muffin until i came home. and if there was food, i would eat it, and if there wasn’t, then i wouldn’t eat. many nights i went to bed without eating even if there WAS food because i was just so fucking tired.

i dunno i kinda lost my train of thought but basically it’s hard to assert myself because i’m not confident because a lot of the time i dont know if im doing something right. it reminds me a lot of the scene in tangled where rapunzel fucks up and something bad happens to her and her mom catches her in the act, and she uses that to reinforce rapunzel’s dependence on her. like obviously my mom isn’t abusive like that but it makes me afraid to fail and even MORE afraid to even try, because i know that if i DO fail--whatever it is--it will just be more evidence for why i should have just asked her or had her do it. and more evidence, to me, of why im worthless and shitty and incapable of doing anything.

like the other day my mom wanted me to follow her in a separate car to a car place to drop off the car she was driving, and then we’d go home together in one car. but she wanted me to do it at 9 in the fucking morning and let me know two days beforehand. i had been going to BED at like 7am at the time so i was already like ‘man this is gonna suck’. but i was still up in the morning and was getting ready to take a shower, iw as on time, but my mom said “i can tell how tired you are and how nervous you are about doing this so you know what dont worry about it. go back to bed.” and it was really shitty for me because YEAH i was super tired and YEAH i didnt feel like i was capable of driving by myself at that moment, like i probably COULD HAVE if it were an emergency, but my mom talked about doing all this shit afterward like going on a shopping trip and stuff and BASICALLY it’s less that i was afraid of the driving but more that i knew the errand wouldn’t end there. and i had gotten zero sleep and just didnt wanna fucking do it, i didnt wanna have a “girl time :)” outing with my mom, and i knew i’d basically get trapped into hanging out with my mom if i went. so i stayed home. but then that’s also a blow to me because stupid fucking worthless idiot that i am cant even drive ten miles in a fucking car, or whatever, useless leech living with my parents contributing nothing, unemployed for a year, blah blah blah. stupid fucking neet should have never been born etc etc etc

she took an uber home and had glowing reviews about the experience and that’s great for her but the guilt made me throw up because i couldnt even do this minuscule thing. so like, if i DO hand her a note and say “here’s all the shit im going to do, BUH BYE” and some shit happens, or i dont get what i need done, or i dont have a fully developed plan of what i’m doing, then it’s gonna be more ammunition toward what a useless piece of shit i am. like, i dont have good food to eat at the house, but i also have NO APPETITE so nothing sounds good, so i cant even think of what foods i would get if i could. it’s such a jarring opportunity that i would just like...not get anything at all and go home. even when i -did- have the opportunity i just went “Uhh umm uhhh fuck uhhh milk” and got that (AND THEN MY MOM CAME HOME W 2 GALLONS OF MILK FROM COSTCO, SO OF COURSE I -DID SOMETHING WRONG-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF I JUST LEFT IT UP TO HER INSTEAD OF DARING TO DO SOMETHING MYSELF I WOULDNT HAVE LOOKED LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT AND ENDED UP WITH 3 GALLONS OF MILK AT THE HOUSE) of course i drank the milk i bought, it’s not like it went to waste, but i was CAUGHT because there were now THREE instead of the one gallon covertly getting replaced. instead of me doing something helpful i did something that became an inconvenience.

it’s just little shit but it all adds up. it’s been all of these little fucking things forever and ever and ever, just like my mom’s hoarded garbage. “i bought just a couple of things”, innumerable times throughout the duration of my entire life, forever and ever, “just a few small things” over and over until it’s suffocating.  it’s just all this little shit all the fucking time and it’s suffocating.

naturally, the therapist sent me an article on “daughters of narcissistic mothers”. this will be a delight to read, i’m sure.

[namjoons-fortune-cookie]

Teasing and Teaching

Type: Smut (duh lol)

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Notes: on god ok I made this for my friend I’m sorry for typos I’m sorry it’s shit. I needed to post something and ya know this good so yeah k bye!

Requests are open!!!

You had been toying with him all day. Playing with him, teasing him in public. It was subtle but it did wonders to Yoongi him trying hard to ignore your hand brushing against his crotch, your smirk evident of your mischief. After you moved in front of him, brushing your fingers against him he grabbed you and pulled you back to face him, “wait until I get you home.”

“I can’t wait,” You say mischievously, walking away as Yoongi trails behind you.

Only minutes later Yoongi had grabbed you and began walking to the car as fast as possible. He hurries to open your door and as you’re about to get in he holds your waist keeping you close to him, “you are in so much shit when we get home.”

You laugh, winking at him before jumping into the car. You were looking forward to it. You watch as he basically runs to his side of the car, hopping in and starting the engine ready to race home.

As soon as you park Yoongi looks at you and gives you a seductive smirk before you both get out. Before you can even take another step , Yoongi’s already picked you up, running to the house with you. You laugh at this but you immediately stop once he opens and closes the door.

He lets you down and now has you pushed against the wall, “you’ve been a naughty girl haven’t you (y/n).”

You nod until he stops your head and tilts your chin up so you’re looking at him. You gasp at the metal of his rings, cold on your face, “go to the bedroom. When I get there I want you in only your bra and panties, on your knees.”

You nod and he moves his arm letting you leave for the bedroom. You run into the bedroom and immediately take off your clothes hurrying to the bed and kneeling down. It doesn’t take more than 15 seconds for Yoongi to walk into the room, he takes off his belt and unbuttons his jeans on the way to the bed. He takes a seat and grabs your jaw, pulling you up so that you can reach his face. His hand still covered in the rings he had been wearing all day, “You like that? Teasing me like that. Then you better know how to make it up.”

You smile as he gives you a rough, messy kiss. He tugs your lip in between his teeth biting down a little to make you moan. Before you know it he’s let his lips off of you, letting your fingers go, “start sucking baby.”

You nod, pulling down his pants so that you have room to work. You rub the shaft, licking the head teasingly. He lets out a groan, tilting it back, “No. More. Teasing. Baby.”

You nod and begin to suck up and down, your head bobbing faster and longer as you take more in at a time. He groans letting out a “fuck.”

His hands are digging into the bed as he lets out another moan. You hear him growl out your name and you can’t help but to let out a moan. It only makes Yoongi moan louder as the vibrations coming from your mouth had him on edge. He jolts and you know it’s a sign he’s on the edge. He tilts his head back letting out a loud groan and tugging at your hair. He tries to pull you off of him as he cums but you only grab onto his thigh holding yourself down. He can’t stop himself and lets it out into your mouth. You take a moment to swallow his entire load. You hear his heavy breathing as he looks down at you with lust-filled eyes.

You wipe around you mouth, licking up the remainder of what you had left behind. You look up at him and smile. He looks at you in awe before grabbing you and pulling you up, “oh no. You’re not done yet. Especially after doing that.”

He picks you up and throws your onto the bed. He grabs at your panties and takes them off as fast as possible. He growls lowly and kisses down your body. He teases you at first, kissing your stomach and then going down to the inner part of your thigh. “You’ve been so bad,” he looks up at you and his breath teases you, making you wet, “why should I even do this for you?”

You laugh, “because you really want to.”

He pauses for a moment. You think he might stop but then he laughs, “you’re right.”

He growls and licks you, quick and hard. You moan, you know how much Yoongi brags about his tongue and it was all for good reason. Yoongi was the best with his tongue and he wouldn’t let you ever forget it. He was rough and hard, licking your clit roughly making you scream out moans. You can’t help but run your fingers through your hair as he pulls you closer to him. You tug at his hair and he gets even more rough, letting out a growl that vibrates your core. You jolt up into his mouth and he grabs your hips, holding you there. He flicks his tongue up and down and your head goes blank, all you can feel is the pleasure of Yoongi’s tongue, “Yoongi! Shit! I’m gonna cum!”

“Go ahead baby,” he says and you tug on his hair hard signaling that you were close. You let out a moan and tugged his hair and he growls as you ride out your orgasm. He licks up anything cum that comes out until you’re clean. He lets out another growl when he finishes licking and kissing your thighs.

“Shit Yoongi,” you say, your body aching after the pleasure, “You don’t have to be so polite.”

“Oh no,” he says now moving up to be above you, face to face, “I’m not done with you yet.”

He kisses up your neck laying hickies everywhere he can reach. Sucking on the sensitive skin as his moans get louder as he gets closer to your lips. He lets out a growl that sends you on edge, “you know how that makes me feel.”

“Which is why I’m making sure I do it,” he kisses you roughly. You move him up to kiss his neck. Leaving hickies where you can. You pull at his hair and suck on his neck making him moan into your ear. When he feels you’ve finished up he puts his hand down to your pussy rubbing it softly. You moan out a yes as he pulls himself up to enter you.

“Do it Yoongi. Don’t tease me please, I need you,” he smiles and immediately allows himself into you.

You moan as he increases the spread, making his thrusts long and hard. You let out a moan as he keeps going. He kisses you tenderly, wanting to show you just how much he loves you with one kiss. He puts a hand on your neck, his rings cold feeling contrast with the heat resonating from you both.

“Yoongi... Fuck!” You say and he increases his speed his thrusts becoming off beat, “don’t stop!”

He growls into you picking you up a bit so that he can be closer to you. He kisses you hard as he becomes rugged and you feel yourself climax. Only moments later he lets himself go you gripping onto his back as he rides out his high. You’re both left panting. He gets off of on top of you grabbing a towel and coming back to the room. He washes himself off before coming over to you drying you off. You laugh at how sweet the man was now, “so much for teaching you a lesson.”

He pouts and crawls into bed with you, “I just can’t help myself when I’m around you.”

You laugh and he holds you close humming you to sleep.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

so I watched Annabelle for the first time yesterday and I went in all excited cause it was hyped up to be great and I love the Conjuring movies but holy shit: • Okay so right off the bat, they open and close the movie with scenes about the Actual Annabelle Case, but then create a fictional plot around the doll??? What??? Why??? • “Their daughter ran away two years ago so we aren’t allowed to talk about my pregnancy” • As someone who used to have an impressive collection of porcelain dolls...the are usually not that creepy holy shit. I’ve only seen one creepy porcelain doll in my life, and it’s in my kitchen as we speak. Still not as overly-dramatic as they made the Annabelle doll. In the actual, real life case, the doll was a Raggedy Anne, and frankly? That would have been creepier to use? Something so iconically innocent? This was just trying too hard. • Satanists breaking into the house, that’s a very common and relatable problem • The dramatic drop of blood from the girl’s neck onto the doll’s face, the Satanic symbol smeared in blood... 5 Edgy 9 Me • Okay you wanna know what the God damn scariest part of this movie was???? When the doctor firmly puts her on bed rest, and then she just continues to walk around and work and do her job normally???? Are you lost on the concept of bed rest???? She’s out here hearing noises and shit and I’m just screaming at my tv “WHY WONT YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR BABY???” bitch literally got stabbed in the stomach and thinks she can walk around like nothing’s wrong BYE • I was ranting about that literally all night • She tells her husband she wants to get rid of the doll, which is understandable, but then he just??? Throws it in the garbage???? Like 1) We know they’re having money troubles and 2) We know the doll was really expensive. Pawn it, you dumbass. You don’t have to tell the buyers a cult member held it in their arms after she slit her throat! That’s not information that needs to come up! This couple is just flat out exasperating. • All the zoom-in shots of her fingers at the sewing machine were 100% more nerve racking than anything else that happened in this damn film • How the fuck did she not smell that fire • h o w • So this chick gets stabbed in her uterus and then falls on her stomach while inhaling smoke and you want me to believe this baby came out 100% fine?? K. • Why was their apartment literally bigger than their house had been • You know when I met John Zaffis and he was complaining that when every true ghost case his name is remotely attached to gets turned into a movie they never make a fictionalized version of him in the film but instead add in a priest that just looks like him, I thought it had to be an exaggeration...but they...they really did just create a priest and cast a guy that looks like him...why is this a curse he must bear...I don’t understand...Just put the man in your movies... • Literally what the hell was up with the kids on the steps did we ever get a full explanation for that???? • Bookshop lady sees random woman outside, decides to run out and give her a free book for literally no God damn reason. more at six. • Okay so the doll somehow followed them to the apartment and that wasn’t a paranormal giveaway??? John, Mia, come on. • And okay I can respect her wanting to keep it and all but why would she put it in her fucking baby’s room are you kidding me. What sense does that make. • John was a Good Husband and I respect him but that boy was an idiot; Mia was a complete dumbass most of the film. So it was very hard for me to feel sympathetic towards them for most of the events??? idk • The ghost apparently couldn’t decide whether or not it wanted to be seen as 7-year old Annabelle, Adult Annabelle, or an Actual Demon...calm down? I get spirits like being dramatic but we need some consistency I’m sorry • Literally what the fuck was going on in that basement scene. Like...what • “You won’t mind if I just keep this one for myself then...” Um no Mia he should mind??? That’s a Literal Crime Scene Photo??? It’s evidence for the case??? You can’t just take it jfc • And the thing is??? She took that picture because she wanted to research the Satanic Symbol, but like??? We never actually did find out what that symbol stood for???? • Local Woman Is Shown To Be Suicidal In The Past So We Won’t Feel As Bad When She Sacrifices Herself Later. More at six. • This doll just kept...deteriorating throughout the entire movie??? Like she collects porcelain dolls you’d think she be able to do something about that • Local Woman Figures Out Doll Is Possessed, Still Keeps It Right Over Her Baby’s Crib For A Bit. more at six. • When the John Zaffis Priest(tm) offered to take the doll I was just like...My dude. My dude. No. • Like FIRST OFF if anything fucking bless the doll and the apartment before you leave??? Come on??? You know this is a serious enough situation that you wanna call the Warren’s in but you’re not gonna actively do anything about it until morning? Bye. • “MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL” calm down, Satan. • John Zaffis Priest(tm) : *literally sees the ghost/demon of a girl who used to belong to his church standing a few feet behind him* • John Zaffis Priest(tm) : *decides that’s not his damn business and tries to enter the church and ignore it* • I was so pleasantly surprised he survived that honestly • Remember kids: If demons need your consent to steal your souls, than you need consent to have sex. Don’t be worse than demons. • That whole scene where the baby was screaming but you can’t find her??? We get it, you’ve seen Poltergeist. • Ooooh girl when she was bashing Annabelle’s head into the crib and then threw her on the ground- I was waiting for a shot where we find out that had actually been her baby. They fucking let me down there. That would off been a great scene (fucked up, but it is a horror movie after all) • Dramatic Scenes Of The Husband Running Home. Will He Get There In Time? More at six. • Why do they have to hold the doll as they kill themselves • I like how both women were immediately ready to die for the baby but the man was just like “why don’t we all take a breather and discuss this further over coffee” while a demon is wrecking havoc in the room around him • Local Woman Believes Her Greater Purpose In Life Is To Kill Herself So A Baby Will Live, more at RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IM PISSED ABOUT THAT FUCKING SCENE • Like if you wanna ignore everything but the base of it- Evelyn was only suicidal in the first place because she wanted to see her daughter again. Something tells me if your soul is sacrificed to Satan you WONT BE SEEING YOUR FUCKING DAUGHTER AGAIN • THE DEMONS JUST HAVE HER FOREVER NOW. WHAT THE FUCK • W H Y • WHO THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD ENDING • HOW MANY PEOPLE SAW THIS MOVIE AND HAD NO PROBLEM WITH THAT BEFORE IT WAS RELEASED • U G H • And then the doll just ~mysteriously moves away from the crime scene alone~ and ends up in a fucking antique shop okay • Why did it take like a full year for John Zaffis Priest(tm) to get that picture of Mia and the baby developed for them • About 20 minutes after suffering through this film I found myself in a parking lot of a TGI Friday’s and got jump-scared by an old man in a car staring at me and I experienced more true terror in that one moment than I did during the entirety of this shit film • Overall: Waste of time and I feel lied to 3/10 do not recommend unless you’re really easy to scare

[azrielsiphons]

LORD OF SHADOWS REACTION POST

I didn’t want to make an entire reading thread like I did with Lady Midnight (which was kind of popular for my typical stuff, I still don’t know why, it was just a lot of flailing) because LoS is still so fresh and I’m afraid to spoil anyone who might not have the tags blacklisted. So under the cut, IN ORDER AS I READ, is my genuine LoS reactions. Enjoy my flailing.

Kit you precious little bean don’t steal daggers you should know better

JACE IS HERE SHIT SHIT SHIT 

He just had to go and name drop Will in like the first five pages I am C R Y I N G 

Oh Julian is being ‘scrupulously polite and kind’ over you and Mark’s “relationship”? IS HE EMMA? IS HE REALLY?

Ew Mark kissing Emma’s cheek made me want to throw up blood too, Julian 

“Did he just kill Magnus?” I HOPE AND PRAY I NEVER SEE ANY VARIATION OF THAT SENTENCE EVER AGAIN  

Take a shot every time I think to myself “ugh, Perfect Diego”

FUCKING HELL PERFECT DIEGO AND CRISTINA ARE BACK TOGETHER DAMMIT CRISTINA

Awwwww Ty my precious son you’re so concerned for Kit

I love Mark so much my sweet faerie child 

UGH EMMA AND MARK KISSING GROSS MAKE IT STOP 

CLARY TURNED DOWN JACE’S PROPOSAL HAHAHAHA WHY AM I LAUGHING 

Cassandra Clare let me make something clear if you ever kill my daughter Clary Fray I will SET THIS WORLD ON FIRE 

so clary is having dreams of her and emma and cortana and she knows she’s gonna die uMMMMMMMM????? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK???? IF MY GIRL EMMA HAS TO KILL CLARY FOR WHATEVER REASON YALL CAN CATCH ME 6 FEET UNDER THE GROUND 

THAT’S RIGHT KIT YOU DEFEND TY BLACKTHORN 

Mark and Cristina Mark and Cristina Mark and Cristina MARK AND CRISTINA 

God bless America I forgot how much I adore Jace Herondale but then at the same time he makes me miss Will and when I miss Will I want to DIEEEEEEE

take a shot everytime someone says something to the effect of “we can’t involve the Clave”

lol jace “i’m just going to haul clary off to *wink wink* get chinese food *wink wink* be back in 20 *wink wink*” 

oh wait they actually just got chinese food wtf i need me a man like that 

MAGNUS AND ALEC ADOPTED A SECOND CHILD NAMED RAFAEL DONT MIND ME ILL JUST BE SOBBING INTO MY BEER FOR THE NEXT HOUR 

More of Ty and Livvy’s relationship pls i love sibling bonds 

WTF ZARA???? PERFECT DIEGO IS CANCELLED YET. AGAIN. 

“Smug bastard. Hair’s too good. I don’t trust people with hair that good.” KIT MY SON IM ADOPTING YOU IMMEDIATELY 

Julian slamming the door in Emma’s face made me slam MY face into a door

“She refused to hurry her steps — not for anyone.” Note to self: be more like Cristina 

okay real quick these centurions talking shit about my father magnus bane are about to find my six inch stilettos up their tight assholes bYE 

okay these nazi centurions are CANCELLED 

oh my gosh my smol son ty smiling at kit kill me NOW 

DONT WORRY JULIAN IM RUINED TOO LAFJLKAFJ;L; THAT KISS SCENE MY GODDDDDDD

wow who would have thought i would like gwyn damn (also gwyn x diana??? im??? here for it???)

THEY’RE GOING TO THE FAERIE COURT FUCK ME UPPPPPP

NO FUCK OFF ZARA YOU CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF 

wait but… but kit and ty… but he just kissed livvy and they’re cute too… gdi 

i hope emma and/or cristina rips zara’s head right from her shoulders 

JULIAN AND EMMA ARE KISSING AGAINNNNN

FUCK IT WASN’T REALLY HER

FUCK 

what 

w h a t

W H A T 

HER FATHER OH TKLEJFLMY GDO EM AM AY IT S YOUR DAD WFFJTF

jk it wasn’t her dad gdi 

Diana is my mother now since she just SHUT ZARA TF DOWN

MALCOLM???????????????

oh shit yall it’s the ‘oh no we have to share a bed’ trope and i am LIVING 

julian hiding his boner is my aesthetic 

emma you can’t just casually mention my father luke garroway wtf 

I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW ITTTT ANNABEL KILLED MALCOLM

what’s wrong with Cristina’s arm… wHAT’S WRONG WITH CRISTINA’S ARM LEAVE MY DAUGHTER ALONE 

Julian just snapped at Emma and I have never been more uncomfortable please stop fighting mom and dad 

“neither julian nor emma slept well that night, though each of them thought they were the only one troubled, and the other one was probably resting just fine” real quick i just need to go drink a gallon of bleach to get over this 

all these references to will and jem are really fucking me up 

GDI JESSAMINE 

WILL AND JEM’S HEIGHT MEASURING WALL IM SOBBING JUST LEAVE ME TO DIE

“Tessa used to come and ask me too. She wanted to know where Will was.” WHAT THE FUCK A LOT OF PAINFUL THINGS ARE HAPPENING ALL VERY QUICKLY 

“I want you to be proud of me.” SHIT FUCK HELL DAMN FUCK 

MARK AND THE GNOME IM CHOKING 

Real quick Bridget imma need you to stop alluding to jem and will and also tell me how TF YOU’RE ALIVE 

oooOOOOoooo a compartment to themselves??? HMMMMMM 

Mark x Kieran x Cristina did you mean Lito x Hernando x Daniella? 

ANNABEL GET AWAY FROM MY SON JULIAN 

KLDKFLAJFK;AFALKL MAGNUS SAVING MY CHILDREN AT THE SHADOW MARKET IM SO FUCKING ALIVE 

I love my father Magnus Bane 

I LOVE MY FATHER ALEC LIGHTWOOD 

Alec talking about Jace you bet your sweet ass I’m crying 

On a serious note — props to CC for this representation of autism through Ty, and how Kit treats him so damn well. Very, very cool.

GWYN AND DIANA ARE ADORABLE FIGHT ME I LOVE THEM 

My domestic fathers Magnus and Alec are saving my life 

BRIDGET WANTS THAT LIGHTWOOD DICK EVEN STILL 

All Magnus wants to do is adopt every sad downworlder alive and I LOVE HIM ALL THE MORE FOR IT 

EMMA AND JULIAN HOLDING EACH OTHER IN THEIR SLEEP BYE FOREVER 

Don’t worry Emma I too live on the Sexy Thoughts River and the Sea of Perversion 

EMMA WANTS A SELFIE WITH A PISKIE IM CHOKING I LOVE HER 

FUCK SHIT IT’S JAIME NO DRU RUN 

Mark just had a sex dream about Kieran in the library I’m laughing so hard 

OH KIERAN GAVE HIM THE SEX DREAM WOW KINKY I NEED ME A FREAK LIKE THAT 

Actually wait I change my mind fuck you Kieran that wasn’t cool of you 

THE PLATE OF SCONES IM CRYING I MISS YOU SOPHIE AND GIDEON 

NO SIR JAIME YOU STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER DRU YOU INSOLENT FUCKBOY 

DAMN can CC write so freaking well holy shit 

but are Cristina and Mark kissing because they love each other??? or because of the binding spell?????? will the world EVER KNOW????

POLYAMORY???? WHAT??????

Kit and Ty are … the … most adorable thing… in the whole world… 

“It's a burden being sarcastic” I’M CHOK ING TO DEATH 

FUCK YOU EREC FIRST YOU COME AFTER MY DAUGHTER CRISTINA NOW I FIND OUT YOU TORTURED MY SON KIERAN???

Jaime is evil I can smell it 

MOM AND DAD ARE FIGHTING MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOPPPPP 
Julian appearing out of nowhere sitting on a boulder in the pouring rain completely Unbothered™ like name a more iconic entrance 

DADDY JULIAN HAS EMERGED HOT DAMN SHOVE HER AGAINST THAT WALL DADDY FUCK HER REAL GOOD I need to chill i'm sorry 

BREAK MY HEART BREAK IT IN PIECES

Gdi Dru 

SLAP HIM CRISTINA YES MY QUEEN 

Wait... shit is Jaime actually a good guy? DAMMIT 

MAGNUS CAUGHT THEM LOLOLOL he isn't even concerned though bc he knows parabatai love each other extra hard bc he witnessed Will and Jem's love firsthand lol BYE 

Who tf is Ash? I mean he's Dru's age and they just had a "coincidental meeting" so CLEARLY he's a love interest but 

NO FUCK YOU JAIME I STILL DONT TRUST YOU 

DIANA IS TRANS WHAT IM SO HERE FOR THIS MY STRONG WARRIOR QUEEN 

Gwyn is the actual love of my life 

"Pyromania interests me" Ty, my son, I love you

Dad!Julian makes me WEEP

Coincidentally, Dad!Alec ALSO MAKES ME WEEP 

PRETENTIOUS HAIR PRINCE JENXKAOOAJW EMMA I FUCKING ADORE YOU 

MAGNUS NAME DROPPED MY MOTHER MAIA OMG 

Emma referring to implied polyamory as a sexy weirdness is ME 

Pffffffft Kieran calling Diego the "very handsome stupid one" is ALSO MEEEEEEE 

"The bad things can't matter more than the good things" Cristina....... my daughter........ 

Ty's letter GOODBYE ALL IM DONE 

HELEN OMGGGGGGGG

Kieran ain't got time for your SHIT Robert 

MAGNUS NOOOOOOOOOO

Sassy!Alec defending his man and not dealing with Bigot!Zara's bullshit I’m so wet 

OH MY GOD ROBERT 

NANSIZOANWPZOAPALWK THE MORTAL SWORD OMG 

what

what

what 

what 

what 

what. 

Livvy isn't dead

No 

No livvy isnt dead 

No no 

Wait what the FUCK 

THATS THE E N D ????

W H A T T H E F U C K 

BYE. 

BYE forever I'm going to go live in a world where Livvy is alive and well because fuck all this BYEEEEEEEEEE

so like 2019…. where u at

[creampuff-earper]

Kate McKinnon Fanfiction. Foldingchairs and the city of dreams. Chapter 10

Hey guys, I’ve decided to post my fanfic about Kate McKinnon on here. You can find it on AO3 as well: 

http://archiveofourown.org/works/8275334/chapters/18957797

Summary: This fanfiction tells the story of a fan, just like any of us, meeting Kate and everything that happens after that.It takes off at SNL, later on Nino will be there and Kate is the most amazing person in the world. What could one want more?

Rated M 

Chapter 10

I look at the text one more time, just waiting to be sent out to the person that had me in her grip ever since that phone call last week. I fiddle with my fingers and contemplate if it's the right thing to do. She’d hurt me so bad with something as simple as not texting back, if I let her back in that meant I was, once again, putting myself in a position where she could really hurt me. I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to feel that vulnerable, and risk getting hurt by her again.

I look up from my phone and spot the enormous Ghostbusters poster on my bedroom wall. I let my eyes wander over the paper and finally, they land on the character that had started this all. Holtzmann changed my life ever since I saw her on the big screen. After falling head over heels for this goofy weirdo, it wasn't long until I found out about the even goofier weirdo who had portrayed her. I was crazy if I didn't think that me meeting Kate, and actually getting to know her as she is in real life, was a gift that I shouldn't take for granted.  That weekend in New York had been one I had been dreaming about ever since I found out about Kate. But besides the amazing feeling of my dream of meeting her coming true, I had actually found someone who I could be myself with within a couple of moments, someone who had earned my trust ever since she admitted she had never done this before either, someone who had taken my breath away by just being herself.

Yeah... of course, it isn’t a question if I want to talk to Kate again, because I do, but it’s about daring to take a leap of faith and trusting her not to hurt me again. That’s what makes it so hard. I’ve already been hurt too many times in my life, I don’t really need any more pain or heartbreak. But she promised me. And I believe her.

Here goes to nothing....

20:12 M: Hey Kate, I am really sorry about drunk texting you last night... That wasn't supposed to happen... But I have thought about what you said on the phone and I really want to try again talking again... Not talking to you was very hard and I can't imagine my life rn without it... So that means I forgive you, but please, please promise me to never ditch me like that again...

I release a breath when the message is sent and shows to be delivered. I lock my phone and hook it up to the charger. Hopefully, in the morning, I’d wake up to a message that said something like ‘I’ve missed you too’ or ‘Thank you for forgiving me’ or maybe even ‘I’ll never hurt you again, now let’s get married and have 3 children’. Okay yeah, that’s probably never going to happen, but a girl can dream, right? Really, though, who am I kidding?

I fluff up my pillow and let my head sink into the soft fabric, closing my eyes and resting my still very hung over body. Just as I am about to drift off my phone buzzes and suddenly I’m upright again and reaching for my phone.

20:18 K: It's fine Mykah, I get it. You don't need to lie to me. I hope you and this girl are happy! You don't owe me anything. It was nice getting to know you. Bye.

My breathing starts to get uneven and I can practically feel my heart beating in my throat. What did she just say? Did she just say bye as in ‘We'll never talk again’ bye?! But I just told her I forgave her.... And how in the hell could she know about the girl...

And suddenly it hits me. Of course... How could I be that stupid? We’re Facebook friends. She saw the video of the karaoke bar when Alex tagged me in it... Fuckkkkkkk. I run my hands over my face and sigh. This isn’t how it was supposed to happen...

Something inside of me says I need to tell her it was nothing and that it didn't mean anything to me. But that’s a lie.. I loved spending the night with Alex and getting attention from someone who is actually interested in me. Just the thought of seeing her again is giving me goosebumps. That’s not really something I can just ignore..

Still, the thought of actually losing Kate forever makes me sick to my stomach. I couldn't just say goodbye to her after that phone conversation we just had, a conversation that had felt so real and honest, yet unbelievable at the same time. How on earth was I going to fix this…

------- 3 months later -------

"Hey babe"

"Hmmmm"

"I'm going out with some friends tonight, is that alright?"

I look up and see my drop-dead gorgeous girlfriend changing into something that made my fingertips tingle.

"Again?" I ask, and as she catches my eyes I silently plead with her not to go and just stay in with me.

"Sorry babe, it's Tessa’s birthday and she decided last minute that we're going out, and she really expects me to come..." She says and continues getting ready.

"But we haven't seen each other all week and I thought I would have you for myself tonight... You know..." I plead and raise my eyebrows at the last part of the sentence.

She had been staying at her place all week because it was more convenient with her night shifts she took at the hospital. However, that also meant that when she worked I slept, and vice versa. I really, really hated the night shift weeks.

"I know babe, but I really can't bail on another party, Tessa and the others are counting on me to be there..."

I sigh as I feel myself giving up. There’s no way I was ever going to be able to convince her not to go to this party.

"I'll make it up to you, I promise!" She says and blows me a kiss from where she's standing in the bathroom, applying her make-up.

"You better... I'm about to blow over here..." I groan and get back to the book I was reading on my bed.

After a minute or two, my girlfriend emerges from the bathroom, almost causing me to choke on my own spit when I look at her. Ho-Ly shit.

She's wearing a tight, short dress that leaves nothing to the imagination. Her hair’s pinned up and the lipstick on her lips is a shade of red that makes my blood boil.

"You are not going out like that" I simply state and have to control the urge to rip that dress off her perfect body right then and there.

"Oh, aren't I?!" She grins as she slowly walks over to the bed.

"Nope... No way in hell..." I choke out and watch her intently gazing at me with a small smirk on her lips and a wicked shade in her eyes. She’s up to something...

"Says who?" She seductively responds, finally reaching the bed and motioning for me to sit on the edge.

I obey immediately, allowing her to step between my legs, her hands coming up to rest on my shoulders. This woman is going to be the death of me one day...

"That's what I thought..." She smirks and lets her hands roam down my neck.  

I’m at a loss for words. All I can see and feel is her beautiful body so close to mine. We haven’t been intimate for over a week and my body is reacting to her in an almost primal way. I feel her slowly bend toward me and pull my head towards her simultaneously. Just when I think she’s going to kiss me she tilts my head to the side and ghosts her lips over my ear.

"I'll make it up to you, I promise..." I shiver as her hot breath hits my skin and groan as I finally comprehend what she just said.

"Nooo nooo, please. Please, I only need 20 minutes... Please, Alex, you can't do this to me, looking all hot and bothered and then leave me to let other people look at you, it's not fair..."

"Mykah, I can't, I'm sorry I really have to leave... And you know I'm yours, let them watch, you'll be the one I'm going home to in the end"

I put my hands on her hips and get up from the bed. "You better make it up to me so good that I won’t be able to walk straight for a week.” I groan into her ear and now it's her turn to shiver.

"Deal..."

"Deal... And now leave before my self-control falters and I'm gonna rip that dress of your body!" I say and give her a light peck on her cheek, making sure not to mess up her lipstick, being the considerate girlfriend I am.

"Thanks, babe, I'll try to be as silent as possible when I get home, kay? Have a good night!"

"You too! Have fun!" I say as she waves one last time at me and a second later I hear the front door close with a thump.

I sigh and slouch back onto the bed. Now what? It was 08:30 pm on a Saturday night and I had no plans. Usually, I didn't mind some alone time but ever since Alex and I started dating I really wanted to hang out with her all the time. I finally decide to text Alice, asking if she has any plans for tonight, and I get a simple reply that just said

Be there in 10 minutes’.

We spend the night watching TV-shows and drinking beer. By the time the credits of the 5th episode of How to get away with murder roll, we've finished 2 six-packs of beers and I'm starting to feel a bit light headed.

"Hey, Myk..." Alice starts and lingers when she spots Frank taking his shirt of very slowly.

"Yes, my dear hetero?" I ask and laugh at her as she continues to watch the show with a small smile on her face.

"Weird question, but have you maybe seen the news about Kate lately?" She finally says after the scene ends, and my fussy brain suddenly sobers up at the mention of her name. We haven’t really talked about her ever since Kate told me she didn’t want any contact anymore.

"Uhhh, no"

"Hmmmm" She hums and continues watching Frank making out with a way hotter Laurel.

"Why'd you ask?"

"Nah, nothing..." She mumbles and she takes another gulp of her beer.

"Alice, what the hell. Don't mention her and then say it's nothing..." I say, getting royally pissed off now. She knows how hard it’s been for me to accept that I fucked it up. Let alone try to forget about Kate when I started dating Alex 3 months ago. All in all, it hadn’t been easy.

"Alright alright, I'm sorry, I just happened to read it, and I thought maybe you had too..."

"Read what?!"

"That she's promoting her new movie and she's coming to Amsterdam next week..."

I don't know what happens exactly, but suddenly all of the color drains from my face, and my heart feels like it’s trying to beat out of my chest.

"Wh..., what" I stammer and Alice watches me with concern.

"Myk are you alright? You look like you've seen a ghost...”

"Al... Are you... Are you serious?!"

"I read it on her own page... So I think it's pretty serious, yeah..." She carefully says and watches me absorb the information.

"Holy shit" I breathe out and fall back into the couch. The realization of her being in the same country as me hits me, hard. What does this mean... Am I going to see her, does she want to see me, am I even allowed see her? Do I actually want to see her?

What would happen if I do see her… I’m with Alex now. Shit. Alex. I never told her about the whole Kate thing...

In my train of thoughts, I don't even hear my phone vibrating on the table. It isn't until Alice holds it in front of my face that I realize Alex is calling me.

I quickly answer the call and hold it to my ear.

"Hey, babe" I say and hear thumping music and loud chatter in the background.

"Baabyyyy!!! Alex yells and I have to keep the phone away from my ear.

"Hey you, Alex is everything alright? Why are you calling?" I say, not able to hide the concern in my voice. She usually never calls me when she’s out.

"Yeah yeah, all's cool... I just wanted to tell you that I really wish you were here! It's soo fun! I wanna dance with you and make everyone jealous that you’re my girlfriend...." She stammers, struggling with some of the words in her drunken state.

"That's sweet of you.... Next time I'll come with okay?"

"Yeahhh!"

"Alright baby, have fun and look after yourself okay?"

"Okay, you too! Love you!"

I say nothing and end the call.

If I wasn't already on the verge of dying already, I definitely am now...

I let the phone drop from my hands and turn around into the couch and yell my lungs out. Doc comes running over and starts barking, making me realize just how hard I’m yelling.

"Myk stop! What is it? What happened?!" Alice yells and pulls me from the cushions, pulling on my arm to get me to look at her.

I look at her with a defeated look on my face. How on earth is this evening happening? This is too much to handle at once.

"Talk to me, please." Alice softly says, knowing how I shut down when things are just too much for me to handle.

I clench my jaw and hit my head, just talk you stupid ass...

"Alex just said, she told me- well....she said ‘love you’. "

"Oh..."

"Yeah"

"And you didn't say it back..."

"No"

"Hmmm........ I shouldn't have said she was coming huh..."

"I don't know..."

"What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know... Dig a hole and never come out again? That seems most fitting in this situation."

"Yeah, that sounds about right..."

"AL!!!"

"Sorry, I'm trying to process this shit show the very best my compromised brain is capable of right now, give me a minute!"

"Maybe she just said it as a matter of saying... You know..."

"Uhu"

"And she's drunk..."

"She probably just blabbed it out without thinking about it... I tell you I love you all the time and I never mean it..."

"Sometimes I wish you weren't such an asshole who has to joke about literally everything..." I sigh and put my head in my hands.

"And sometimes I wish you'd never met Kate, but hey, we can't all get what we want, can we?" Alice spits out, and it almost sounds bitter.

I tilt my head to look at her and she looks annoyed.

"What did you say?" I spit back, for some reason getting mad at her for saying that.

"I'm just saying that if you hadn't met her, it just would have been easier..."

I sense she is going somewhere with this, but I dare her to actually say it out loud...

"How?"

"You know Myk, I think you know darn well that if Kate hadn't been in the picture, you wouldn't have freaked out about Alex saying those words just now because you would have said them right back. I know you... You don't do things halfway, but don't tell me you haven't doubted your relationship with Alex every time she gave you a reason to. You say you’ve let go of Kate, but deep down I know you are still hoping for a day where she is just going to show up and tell you she is sorry. And you know what the sad thing is, if she did, you'd take her back in a heartbeat... And for what? You saw her 1 day, 1 freaking day Mykah... You don't know her. You know someone on the other side of the world you happened to fall in bed with 8 months ago. That's not real... Alex is, and you are not being fair to her if you are going to keep this up...”

"Are you done?" I spit out after a second of silence from Al's side.

"Yeah.."

"Great, get out...." I state and point at the door.

"Mykah, what?"

"I said get out"

"Don't be ridiculous"

"Get the fuck out of my house Alice, now!" I'm practically breathing fire right now and the longer Alice stays in my sight the angrier I get. There is a second of shock on Al's face before it's replaced with a hatred. She shakes her head and gets up from the couch.

"You know what Mykah, fuck you. I'm always here for you and now you pull this... Fuck you and your problems, I'm done." She yells back and grabs her stuff and slams the door behind her.

The silence that overtakes my home if deafening.

I fall back into the couch and take a deep breath.

I fucked it all up....

------------------------------

When Alex returns in the dead of night and slips in the bed beside me, I pretend to be asleep. She softly kisses me on my cheek and slides her cold front against my warm back. "Goodnight Mykah" she whispers and within a couple of minutes I hear her doze off.

I feel sick to my stomach because of the guilt. Alice was right. After a couple of hours of cooling off after throwing Alice out, I had started to put what she said into perspective. I had convinced myself that I was over Kate, that I was really committed to this relationship with Alex.

I adored this girl and the physical attraction was through the roof with her. But thinking back now, that’s probably also what our relationship is built on.

After that night at the bar we got together for a couple of dates and at some point, we only needed to lock eyes to know we had to find a place where we could ravish each other.

It was exciting and thrilling to want somebody that much for the both of us, and because it was happening so often anyways we just decided being in a relationship was the logical thing to do.

Ever since that decision was made I felt that at some moments we weren't quite on the same page, but I had always thought that was just something that needed time to grow, especially after everything with Julie. A small tear escaped from the corner of my eye. If only she was still here... Things would have been so much easier. Kate would have stayed someone I could obsess over from across the ocean, and Alex and I had probably never met.

But she's not here. And that hurt like shit. She’s probably raging with anger up there because of how I’m behaving towards Alice. She has every right to. I shouldn't have snapped at Alice like that. But she made me realize the truth, something that been hard after months pretending everything was fine with Alex, and that I didn't miss Kate or wonder what was going on in her life. First thing this morning I was going to make it up to her. I couldn't figure this one out by myself, I needed her to do this with me, or I was going to lose my mind.

----------Tuesday evening--------------

So far Alice had slammed the door in my face 4 times, ignored all my calls and texts and made Josh come over to tell me she didn't want to hear anything from me. This was going to be harder than I had anticipated....

There’s also the fact that I’ve basically been ignoring Alex ever since she said those words, telling her that I was stressed out by work and didn’t have time to see her. Also, there was a constant nagging in the back of my head telling me I had to go to Amsterdam this weekend. So... I was definitely having a really awesome week so far...

I had told Alex not to come over tonight, but when she insisted, because she really wanted to watch MasterChef together, I eventually gave in. I didn't have the energy to keep fighting her on the matter and when she arrived that evening all cuddly and bubbly I had to try my best not to snap at her after only 10 minutes into the show.

She had done nothing wrong, so it wasn't fair. I just kept my mouth shut, watched the show and told her I was going to bed right after. Hoping she took it as a hint I wanted to sleep alone tonight, I pecked her lips and asked her if she would lock the door on her way out.

"But I was thinking of staying over tonight actually..."

I stop on my way to the bedroom and close my eyes; I had been dreading this moment ever since she convinced me to watch the show together. I swallow my chagrin about the matter and turn around to smile at her.

"Okay fine, but I'm going to sleep Al, I need to be up at 6 am tomorrow."

I see her face fall, but soon enough she is by my side grabbing my hand and walking with me to the bathroom. We brush our teeth in silence and I feel Alex glancing over at me every 5 seconds or so. When we finish she grabs my hand as I try to walk towards the bed and spins me around.

"Hey, I know work has you stressed, but you sure that's all? You've been really... I don't know... Ever since Saturday night you've been behaving weird..."

I look into her beautiful green eyes and see the pain flashing in them for a second.

"I'm sorry, Al. It's just I had this fight with Alice and she's not talking to me and it's just hard."

"Yeah, I know... I'm sorry about that..." She says softly and rubs my hand with her thumb.

I turn around again to continue my path towards the bed but when she speaks up again I stop and my heart breaks almost breaks.

"I know what I said that night on the phone Myk... Is that the reason you've been acting like this?"

I shrug my shoulders and sit down on the bed. With every second I feel myself closing up and if Alex isn't going to put a stop to it soon I wasn't going to be able to say anything at all.

I see Alex watching me with a hurt look in her eyes. "I knew it..." She walks over to take a seat next to me.

I close my eyes, finding it too hard to watch her being hurt by something I did.

"You didn't say it back..."

I slightly shake my head and clench my jaw, please don't ask, please don’t ask.

"Are you..."

No please Alex don’t, I plead with her in my head, but I know it's too late.

"Are you ever going to say it back?"

The silence that falls over us has so much tension it's almost suffocating.

"Please Mykah...."

I look up to her and see the tears form in her eyes and my heart breaks for the second time that night. I bring my hand up to wipe them away as they fall down her cheeks.

"I... I don't know...." I finally croak out.

"Why... what is it that makes you unsure?" She sobs, with wet cheeks and a runny nose.

"Please Al, it's not you okay? Please don't ever think that. You are an amazing woman and I do love you, just not in the way you want me to say it.... not yet"

I plead with her and rub her back, trying to soothe the sadness I caused.

"Is it because of Julie?"

"I don't... No... No this is not about Julie... I know for sure she would have approved of you. So no."

"Then what Mykah? Because I don't get it! The last 3 months have been amazing and now it feels like it has all gone to shit."

I look at the floor of my bedroom and try to figure out if telling Alex about Kate would be for the best, or if it would just make things worse... She deserves an answer, but I don't know if I have one.

"Tell me, please Mykah... Please..." She begs me and I take a deep breath.

“Okay, so uh… I went to New York in November. I went there by myself, to see SNL..."

"Huh, what?"

"Saturday Night Live, it's a comedy sketch show that airs every Saturday where comedians play out sketches about things that happened that week, like politics or just plain scenes that they've come up with. And they tape it live at the NBC studios in New York."

"Okay..." Alex breathes and is now facing me sideways on the bed. I keep my eyes focused on the floor, hoping to find some wisdom there about how on earth I was going to explain this to her.

"And I went there because I am a fan of one of the comedians who is part of the cast." I say and briefly glance at Alex who nods her head to make me continue.

"She's the same as the girl from Ghostbusters, the one where I have all the shirts of..."

"Holtzmann?"

"Yeah.... She's played by Kate McKinnon. So I went to New York to see her... And because of something that happened, I actually got to meet her after the show and we chatted for a bit and it was really amazing." I say and I try not to smile too much as I say it, my mind immediately going back to that night and replaying the moment I met Kate for about the millionth time.

"That's really nice Myk, but what does that have to do with us?" Alex asks and there's no turning back now. She should know.

"She contacted me after that night. She found me on Facebook and we texted for a bit, and then we went out to dinner, and from one thing came another and... I... I spent the night at her place..."

"Oh... But... It was one night, right? That doesn't mean anything..."

"It was a night, and a morning and when I got back we texted almost every possible hour of the day... And uhm... I know it's stupid and weird but I kinda... I fell for her that night and I have been falling for her ever since..."

I catch Alex closing her eyes and sigh in defeat in the corner of my eye and I know it's done...

"We haven't been texting anymore, not in the time that I have known you that is... Just so you know..."

She softly shakes her head and there's disbelieve in her eyes. Those beautiful green eyes that I wouldn't get tired of watching all day.

"So you’re telling me you can't do this because you are in love with someone you've seen 1 weekend? You do get that she's a celebrity and can take anyone home for that matter?"

"It was not like that Alex... At least, not for me."

She shakes her head and scoffs at me. "Mykah, I get that you are passionate about your TV shows and their actors but this is just ridiculous! Why are you holding on to something that never existed? And fucking up your real life because of it? I really don't believe you..."

I know I am not the victim in this situation but Alex's words hit me like a punch in the gut.

"I get that you don't get it..."

"So now what? You aren't even talking anymore, so what do you expect will happen. Because I’m not going to wait around for you to realize that I was right..."

The anger inside is starting to bubble up again and I clench my fists into the sheets from snapping once again. She didn't deserve that.

“I don't know what I want to happen Al. But I do know that I don't want to lose you.... and...."

"Yeah?"

"And that Kate is coming to Amsterdam this weekend..."

"What?!"

"She's promoting her new movie and Amsterdam is listed as a junket location."

Alice gets up from the bed and wipes her cheeks one last time before crossing her arms in front of her chest and looking at me.

"If you want to give us a chance Mykah, you don't go to Amsterdam this weekend.

If you do, you've made your decision and I'll pack my stuff and you will never see me again... I am not going to wait around until you get your head on straight and realize she’s a big mistake."

My eyes plead with her, silently asking her to please not force me to make this decision. It’s useless. She’s put her guard up and all I see are two cold green orbs boring right through me.

"Let me know" She bites back, and then rushes out of the room, slamming the front door behind her the same way Alice did last weekend.

I fall back onto the bed and sigh deeply. I’ve managed to make the two people who mean the most to me walk away from me in the timespan of 4 days.

And all that because someone on the other side of the world made me go crazy for her. This isn’t healthy, I can’t let my real life get influenced by something that was only real for one night and a morning.

I have to put a stop to this.

[stargazingartist]

Okay...

so this probably won’t get a response or anything but I just really need to vent right now. At the end of this I make a few points about some shitty things guys do when you break up so if you don’t care all that much for the drama behind it you can just skip to the bottom or not read the post entirely. 

So STORYTIME KIDDOS STRAP IN CAUSE THIS IS A RIDE

Now, I have just recently exited a relationship through a mutual agreement that we don’t work. But yeah, I got dumped. We’ve been friends over a year and about two months ago we entered into this and I was truly hoping to find a serious stable relationship with him. I wanted to trust and give myself to him. But that little voice in the back of my mind that no one really listens to told something was wrong here and it just wasn’t right.

I should have listened because it started becoming very apparent we were not meant for each other at all a couple weeks ago, but I couldn’t make myself say anything. I finally had what I’d been wanting for so long, so what’s the problem right? Well, I’ll get to THAT in a minute. 

So we broke up Wednesday (It is currently Saturday, March 4th). Keep this in mind. We ended on relatively good terms and both wanted to continue the friendship. But then after we broke up I started thinking (always a dangerous thing when you’re 100% right, of course) and I was not pleased with the things I was realizing. So, I start to get upset, but I’m determined not to let it show, to be unfazed, happy. Now, I am in high school, and yes I’m aware that high school relationships are petty and over-dramatic and often times quite trivial, But that in no way invalidates the points I am about to make. Moving on, I even sat with him at lunch the next day, but more just within the group of friends we share and not really directly addressing him. Here’s where this all takes a sharp left to Pettyville, where drama and backstabbing thrive! We have a mutual friend, though she was more someone i was friendly with as opposed to my friend, we’ll call her K-mart. While we’re at it, we’ll call my ex Greasy Locks (seriously, go to the salon and get that mess cut and SHAMPOOD for God’s sake!) 

SO, I notice Greasy Locks and K-mart getting awfully friendly over where they’re at, and I, being the hormonal upset mess who was just dumped LAST NIGHT, get pretty peeved. But I don’t say anything cause I am Mature™, and he has been claiming for months and months, even before we were dating, to value me so much and truly care so much and really want to make me happy, yada yada, so I brush it off. Probably nothing but K-mart being thirsty as HELL cause she’s still hung up on her ex and is looking for ways to distract herself from that. So I get out of lunch and talk to some friends and when school ends, I walk to where my car is and, *SHOCKER*, I see them (with another friend granted but still) RIGHT where we used to stand when I’d kiss this boy bye before he gets on his bus. Hm, okay, I see. I brush it off again, and continue on my merry way hoping and PRAYING this ass isn’t doing what I think he is. I rant to some friends, go to bed, whatever, it’s cool. 

THE NEXT DAY. I get to school and my friend, bless her, tells me some interesting things, one of which being, can ya guess? Congrats, YOU FUCKING GOT IT HAVE A COOKIE FRIEND, Greasy Locks and K-mart starting dating last night! This was Friday. He dropped me and immediately jumps into this new relationship, and I. Am. PISSED. 

Okay pause, I’m gonna take this moment to point out again that high school is so stupid, the drama is so stupid, and this entire thing is a giant cliche and I’m not proud of it, but I’m about to use this to make some vital points once I get through my appallingly petty ranty part. 

At lunch, I find another group of friends to sit with because I have zero desire to put myself around Mr. Fickle Fucker (new name whoops y’all are smart you’ll figure it out) and K-mart and see how fast he moved on like a swarm of fucking locusts. But, because of course, we end up over there anyways for a brief period of time during which I do not make eye contact with either of them once. Now, here’s where I fucked it up. I texted him, I KNOW I know, whyyyy?! Well because I’m an irrational, livid, betrayed teenager and I need to say SOMETHING cause dammit that’s just fucked up. So loooong story short, I try and keep the conversation constructive to some degree but then he somehow manages to make HIMSELF the victim here (???) and I lose it a little. 

It basically was him saying how breaking up with me hurt him so much and it felt so awful, like ripping out a part of him (that’s okay buddy you had a K-mart shaped band-aid on standby) and how it’s never been that hard to break up with anyone cause he never cared so much, to which I responded, “So I’m not just one of the ‘many’ girls that liked you who you moved on to when you got tired of the last one? Cause you didn’t feel awful enough about ‘hurting me’ to pretend for even 24 hours that you didn’t already have a replacement for me.”

OKAY. So now I’m done ranting and will proceed into a roast on Scum Noodle that is also a message to any guys reading this that might recognize this behavior in themselves. Seriously, stop. 

1. Don’t dump people over Snapchat, text, or anything electronic unless you’re long distance. It’s rude, impersonal, and cowardly. If you really care about someone, you’ll have the decency and respect for them to do it to their face instead of hiding behind your phone screen.

2. When you are wrong and clearly know you’re wrong, DO NOT make excuses. Own up to it like a man and apologize without trying to explain to me WHY you did this and how I shouldn’t ACTUALLY be upset over it. It’s patronizing and incredibly disrespectful to basically tell me I’m crazy and wrong for being mad about something YOU did to betray and hurt me. 

3. If you are guilty of 1 and/or 2, do not manipulate the conversation to where you are the victim and you are in a position to make excuses as to why you are justified. We both know full well you’re not justified and it’s insulting. 

4. Actions speak louder than words. 

Don’t tell me you’re sorry, show me. Show me you actually care if you hurt me or not instead of trying to placate me with empty words that have no merit or action to back them up. 

5. Instead of immediately going after the first girl who throws herself at you when you’re fresh out of a breakup, maybe take some time to reflect on yourself and what YOU could have been doing that ultimately ended your last relationship. 

Expanding on this, moving to the next person so quickly says loud and clear you didn't give a shit about me or how you made me feel, and you are a liar. Flat out, you lie every time you say you do care or worry how I feel, and do not even try convincing me otherwise because there are no words in this world that will make me believe you.