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steve0discusses · 5 years ago

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Yugioh S4 Ep 25: Oh Hai Mai

Heyyy we’re back. Thank for bearing with me, it’s been kind of chaos over here. Everything from a pandemic (we are very sloooowly reopening over here but I’ve been quarantined so long I can french braid my damn leg hair.) to important political protests, to getting an evacuation order because an arsonist burned down 90 acres in the heat of summer (luckily we’re all fine), to a vole that ate everything in my pandemic self-care garden so I lost my entire mind and waged war and dug so many holes and put out 17 mouse traps and set off so many critter bombs under the ground trying to kill the little bastard like it was Caddyshack (It’s still alive, ps, I lost that war). These last 3 months have been the longest decades of my life. The only month longer was the one where I’m pretty sure I had mono and it made me positive that my basement was haunted.

Man, bring back my haunted basement, Sorry if this comes through in my writing, I tried but, I can’t edit it out. You get FML-Rachel today.

Lets get back to a good, mindless distraction, lets turn on Yugioh.

BUT------->it just so happens that this episode of Yugioh has cop stuff in it, I’m just going to be blunt. We’re going into Valon’s backstory, he’s very much a victim of problems within the bizarre Yugioh legal system, and much like a Gotham supervillain, he is a symptom of the problem more than the cause.

I’m not going to ignore that, but in case you are overwhelmed about that right now, if you want to like...save this for later--I have another FMA recap coming out soon that I wrote in a simpler time before....the corona freakin ruined us all.

Last we left off, we were on the heels of Joey Wheeler, who decided to book it down the street because he wants to murder the hell out of Valon.

Youknow...Joey is one hell of a protagonist. He just does...so MANY antagonistic things.

Joey has decided that although the world is ending, and everyone left alive will be absorbed into the Great Leviathon’s big yummy tummy, which can only be prevented by three people, of which he is one of--he’s going to go sprint in completely the other direction.

We even managed to get Kaiba on board. We were ready. We were done, but then Joey had to lose his freakin mind because that’s just what Joey Wheeler does sometimes.

Normally heroes avoid the call to duty because of a severe lack of self confidence, but this is Joey, and he’s going to avoid the call to duty because of too much self confidence.

And so Joey and his Chaperone turn a corner and walk into this random orc who’s just casually living his best life and touring SF.

One of my worst fears walking through SF, tbh. Running into high school people. Not so much the orcs.

Yo, I wonder what the bushman was doing through all of this? So IRL, we have this guy who just...hides in a bush and jump-scares tourists. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be in a bush and then just...all these orcs show up and you’re all.

...oh no, now I’m the fool...

I just want to know if bushman made it, or if he’s in a paper card that’s just a picture of foliage.

(read more under the cut)

Anyway, Joey was already in the process of running, so they just turned around on this street of...so much parking.

Like y’all there is SO MUCH PARKING this episode. I was trying to pay attention to anything else, but like...do you see this!? It takes nearly half an hour usually to get a spot but this--this right here?

And the crazy thing is, recently my bro had to go pick up some old guy from a cruise that...got quarantined...and so bro had to go the Pier and like--this is what the city looked like. This is a pandemic, it’s just lots of parking, so I want to criticize Yugioh, and I normally would, but I can’t. I’ve seen the receipts. They called it. This is what the endtimes look like and it’s so much parking.

Also, they were too lazy to draw cars but damn, they called it.

So, left with no other option, Joey decides to...be Joey, and punches a huge orc covered in armor.

So Valon’s here, because apparently SF has just...no one left alive in it except for these few kids and that one Uber Eats driver. I imagine it’s a lot easier to find Joey if you just follow the only one screaming in Japanese in a Brooklyn accent at the top of his lungs.

And Valon decides that this one way street isn’t good enough, and that they must duel somewhere else.

I assumed it would be a tall structure, but considering Kaiba just blew up the tallest structures in the Financial District...I was like...what else is tall? And bear in mind, I’m a mess, so I was like...OMG I wish it were Macy’s!!!

Now I hear you saying that’s weird, and we shouldn’t have a very fancy Macy’s in 2020, and you’re correct. but we still have one, and the top floor is just...a massive Cheesecake factory, and I can’t think of anything more 00′s than a Yugioh duel on top of that specific Cheesecake Factory.

And I’ve never really thought before about where the best Yugioh duel would be, and it’s there. It’s at the high rise Cheesecake. Listen Yugioh, if you need an insider to choose locations for your Netflix remake of S4--call me.

So anyways, instead of doing the right thing and going to the Cheesecake Factory on top of Macy’s like any other self respecting 00′s teenager, Valon and Joey are going to drive through the most boring parts of town.

They had an opportunity to go chase eachother through any tourist attraction, Lombard street, Ghirardelli Square, the Palace of Fine Arts, China town, reuse some assets and drive through Japan town, that fountain that looks like Yoda--but no...they decided to drive through literal trash.

Just...a missed opportunity, and it should have been a Cheesecake Factory.

Also, I totally and fully acknowledge that a strange nostalgic affection for the Cheesecake Factory is a weird Millennial thing (much like our weird encyclopedic knowledge of Sailor Moon) but listen. You have your thing, too. You go do you, I’m gonna soak my sorrows in a bowl of Chinese chicken salad so wide, it’ll last me 3 days.

Anyways, Joey’s gonna steal that guy’s bike.

Yugioh just predicting the future in 2003. We actually have a HUGE problem right now with vehicle theft in the city to an almost comedic degree, which is partly why the parking situation has gotten so incredibly dire. It’s kind of incredible that this guy left his bike out because after about 1 day in the city you learn pretty fast that you need to be constantly checking on your street parked vehicle--I mean, that guy was just asking for it, honestly. If Joey hadn’t taken it, some other guy would have absolutely taken it, (even that orc would’ve taken it, the city has no consideration for cars.)

Sorry --one sec-- that was an earthquake just now. As I’m typing this. Just a little guy. Just a little treat for me...

...but still like...c’mon. I’m also getting this weird issue where Tumblr doesn’t save my drafts so like...this is like the 3rd time I’ve had to write this like...I just want to make a Yugioh post for my tiny funtime tv blog, Universe. Don’t @ me right now, Universe.

SO MUCH FREAKIN PARKING.

...is it the space between two piers? What is this? We don’t have rivers in SF, it is a peninsula covered in very steep hills. Like very VERY steep hills. All water just rolls into the ocean and there’s a couple of lake thingies but...no rivers that I know of (And like maybe this is a thing, and I just haven’t seen it? Learn something new every day.)

*loud, audible sigh* home. Where we belong. At the warehousssssssse.

Back at the RV base, Duke Devlin is still babysitting. Maybe this is to make up for the two seasons he spent trying to date a girl Rebecca’s age, that they felt like going out of their way to show that he has indeed no longer horny now. Got to hand it to them, that’s a lot of character development right there. Although at the same time, it has made Duke Devlin a very non-character.

But imagine how insanely complicated would it have been if Duke got involved in that bizarre love-square that is Yugi, Tea, and the Ghost that killed Yugi by accident.

PS that’s either a freeway onramp (which is too far South from where they were, I think) or it sure does look like old Embarcadero behind them. Youknow, that lifted street from the 80′s that fell down in Loma Prieta and was never rebuilt? I just freakin love that it’s still here in 2003. This bizarre Yugioh alternate California.

Anyway, because this is alternate California, Seto set a massive fire and the entire city didn’t immediately go up in flames. Apparently they just kinda ran away from the explosion and damage before anyone noticed.

Probably because most people on Earth are dead anyway, so what more can these two actually do?

And so Yami ends up getting lectured by the wife.

And justifiably, the wife seems to have absolutely no confidence that Yami will be able to do a damn thing right.

Wifes all around this episode.

Speaking of,

At this point, Arthur Hawkins senses that Yami’s nearby, so he opens the door just to freakin dump some guilt on him.

...Rebecca seems to be a character that’s mostly there to recap the lore and also to dump on Yami. I don’t mind that. Yami needs to get dunked more often, and I’m saying that in S4, where the entire season’s tagline is “how many times can we dunk on Yami?”

So lets check on Yugi, how’s that kid doing? It’s been quite a number of episodes since we last saw him.

Yep, still hanging out in the Han Solo cosplay room.

And then, because I guess everyone is just hanging out in the same 4 blocks, Mai and Tristan have a heart-to-heart.

In the show, this conversation was Mai (who is now a serial killer) saying “Oh hey, Tristan, where’s Joey?” and Tristan saying “It’s ALL YOUR FAULT he wants to kill Valon--thanks a lot, Mai! GODS!” all indignant like.

Not how you would ordinarily talk to a serial killer, just saying. No one from the Yugi crew fears this woman...at all...and she has killed over 20 people in front of them and is trying very hard to kill Joey Wheeler all the time.

Like what would it actually take for them to fear this woman? They can’t, right?

Meanwhile, Valon is trying to explain to Joey that his obsession with Mai is in fact damaging any relationship they could have had.

So then when you’re like OK...this is actually very valid points on Valon’s part, and Joey really does need to step back and let people make their mistakes considering Joey was barely a part of her life to begin with. But then, Valon just turns a 180 and...it becomes a catty love triangle where only one person in the triangle even feels romantic emotions.

I just...so Valon is doing this fight because he thinks Mai is in love with Joey.

This whole time I was like “well maybe it’s more that Valon is trying to defend Mai’s right to make her own choices” but no...he just straight up thinks Mai is in love with Joey. And, in fighting Joey, Valon himself is ignoring Mai’s life choices

Just a whole lot of misunderstanding that would have been fixed with better ways than dueling with cards. At least that one guy in S2 who tried to marry Mai actually dueled HER instead of some random guy.

It just really feels like these boys are having a pissing contest and Mai was never let in on the deets that this was even happening.

Mai needs to hang out with older men. Set her up with Roland, this is ridiculous.

Back at the RV, which got very, very big in this shot, Seto has an odd convo with Mokuba about how they are probably not going to get Kaiba Corp back. And then no one really argued with him about that.

He’s taking it really well. Maybe because this isn’t even the first time or the second time or even really the third time Seto’s lost everything. Kid’s really freakin great at failure. At least this time Mokuba isn’t currently abducted, which is really good improvement for these two.

Outside the RV, Tristan has decided to...give up as well, just right here, in the middle of traffic. Then he gets Orc’d...these orcs are kind of like Slenderman, in that they kinda...show up...but then that’s all they do because the designers didn’t actually want to animate anything.

And then this happens.

God bless this story boarder for this random series of events presented in just this way.

Also here’s yet another example where Tea just has...no fear. She’s actually only out here because she was like “that’s it, we’re getting another driver” and was going to chew out Duke Devlin. The Orc being in the middle of the road was not the reason she walked out here.

Anyways, Yami killed it because everyone here can just throw cards forever, these things are not threatening.

The subplot of everyone refusing to drive with Duke Devlin after he busted his car in Death Valley is still ongoing, and it’s still low key hilarious that no one will outright say “Duke, your driving is just so bad” and instead, Duke just has to sit there and watch Joey STEAL A MOTORCYCLE just so he won’t have to drive shotgun with Duke Devlin.

Rebecca, our plot-dump device, then informs us that Valon has Special Rules.

Because Valon, if you’ve forgotten, has a card that allows him to physically punch his opponent in the face.

They should have invented that card a long time ago TBH.

SO, lets get into Valons tragic backstory. First off, go turn on your Les Mis Soundtrack, because this is some old school cop stuff.

So apparently Valon, as a child just...stayed in the system forever. We don’t know why yet, but lets just assume that it’s tragic and heavy handed. If he steals a loaf of bread and ends up in 12 Juvies (which is a line from the show and not an exaggeration--12 Juvies) then I will expect him to be singing by the end of this and I will be very disappointed if he does not.

Anyways, he was such an asshole, that he caught the attention of some very illegal rich bastard who was trying to turn prisoners into...card murders. (it was Dartz.) because apparently...Dartz also funds prisons and that is...that is some deep lore.

And so probably about the same time that Yugi was Dueling to the death on Pegasus’ Island, and about the same time that Marik was hanging out in the ocean next to Pegasus’ Island with a pair of binoculars, and about the same time that Noah was underneath Pegasus’ Island just watching Pegasus steal KaibaCorp, Dartz decided to make his OWN murder island--because I guess he got jealous.

Anyway, Valon won, and didn’t even need to set anyone on fire.

Those little green things there--those are all souls of prison inmates.

YUGIOH.

Millennials got DARK, OK? Freakin...we had a show for 9 year olds that went deep into the school-to-prison pipeline and didn’t even try to hide it under any layers of symbolism. Like Hunger Games at least had two people survive.

This was a show to sell PAPER CARDS.

+++++++++++THIS IS A RANT WHERE I WENT OFF ABOUT PRISON TALK IN KID’S SHOWS FEEL FREE TO SKIP++++++++++++++++++++

Now, there’s a lot of good conversation going on right now about errors in the modern justice system on not just a local scale, but on a global scale, especially regarding racial profiling and criminalization of poor, sick, and young, and we better keep pushing it. But it’s surprising when people pretend like this hasn’t been talked about for a long time. Because...we’ve been talking about it in kids and YA shows for a long time. This is not something that just popped up in 2020.

Like millennials didn’t invent this obsession with dark and gritty stories with uncomfortable themes. It’s been around for thousands of years, but back in the 90′s and 00′s, a lot of shows for YA and younger enjoyed talking about the problems with prisons and abuse of power with our justice systems--a lot. Batman, X-men, Death Note, so so many, hell, even the OC.

And like, don’t get me wrong, we still have these shows running around, but I’ve been there’s been a trend of stories (not saying names) where just...nothing bad happens. And, that’s kind of sad because...they CAN have small elements that are more progressive in them, but only brought forth with a very risk-free cotton candy fluffy coating to make the majority of the population happy.

I could go long about this, and I’m getting very cryptic. If a kid escapes to more colorful worlds where nothing bad ever happens, that’s OK--sometimes you need that, but when nothing bad ever happens surrounding certain experiences where bad things normally happen--the meaning of the story changes because it isn’t a real experience anymore.

Like I don’t want to tangent too much, and I just had to delete a lot of examples, but I know a lot of people want to write stories about misrepresented minorities and about real deal serious situations and are just so afraid of misrepresentation that they go in completely the wrong direction by not putting in anything uncomfortable at all. I think it’s important to look at the work and ask yourself is this about the minority the work should be about--or is this work about patting the majority of the population on the back and saying neat, we’ve achieved utopia without having to even do anything?

...anyway, obvi I’m ranting, but I feel like we’re taking a step backwards when it comes to the importance of kids programming and that we do need to talk to kids about prison again. This is a show about paper cards, and they don’t do a great job at talking about...the reality of prison, this was exaggerated with genre stereotypes, but at least they didn’t cover it with rainbows and unicorns, because this isn’t about how great Joey and the “normal” people are at saving Valon, this is about how society screwed Valon beyond repair, and I am 99% certain we will see this guy’s soul stuffed in a brick above Dartz’ snake fireplace.

Like, yeah he duels to the death on an island, but that’s imagery that is very close to real life prison issues. We don’t talk to kids a lot about how a lot of inmates get enlisted into the military during war times (and quite literally...duel to their death...on islands). We don’t talk about how we use inmates to betray eachother for a chance at maybe getting amnesty. We don’t talk about how a lot of the victims of this system are essentially children, and have been caught in a system of endless prison for what will probably be the rest of their lives. We don’t talk about how we’re systematically turning kids into criminals so much in kid’s shows of late...and Freakin Yugioh just did in a filler season.

....................I think our standard for modern kids programming to talk about serious issues is way too low if Yugioh just threw this out there in a filler season, is all I’m saying.

++++++++++++++++++END OF PRISON RANT++++++++++++++++++++++

So, Valon is free but...is he?

Not really, he’s just gone from one jailer to another, but at least this time he gets his own room. Don’t blame him for latching onto Dartz’ dream to end the world, because the world for him has been one behind bars. He doesn’t know it. Never been there.

It’s just interesting juxtaposed to Joey because Joey had some sort of Season Zero history with a gang and I haven’t watched that episode yet.

So that’s it for now, again, I’m very slooow lately. I slept for 3 hours today...and I don’t know why. But hey--we all got through three (four???) months of this...we just gotta go...one month at a time.

That and I accidentally did my taxes early so there’s that. See? Good things still happen.

Also, because I only slightly referenced the most incredible movie ever made on San Fransisco soil, I’ll just leave this here. The true hallmark of our city.

youtube

Anyway you know the drill, here’s the link

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surelybystarlight · 4 years ago

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16 and 25 for the ask game?

16. Post a picture from the beginning of the year

I took these both on the same day in January 2020, in the before now times. My best friend and I went to the San Francisco Baths and wandered around.

Ended up getting dinner from a little diner that over looked it. We had just enough to get a grilled cheese with a side of fries and a hot chocolate to split between us (and a tip always tip your waiter!!)

25. Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? Describe one

This got stupidly long so Answer is bellow the cut.

My dads been running a homebrew RPG over discord since early quarantine. The 10 cent version of the premise is the players work at a tech company that’s launching experimental teleportation to the moon tech.

It’s all very sciencey until you hit the launch button and then something goes horribly wrong. Massive explosion, the test site implodes, kaboom!

Left in its place is a giant purple portal with Cthulhu esque monsters and giant ass tentacles coming out.

Suddenly it’s a survival game!

That night when the moon rises it is covered by tentacles with a giant eye in the middle visible from earth. From now on the moon is always full.

As you’re trying not to die and figure out just what the fuck to do, you may start to realize that magic is a thing now. It definitely wasn’t a thing before, but reality is different now. (Less DND spell slots and more Chaosium BRPG with a focus on wards, binding, and divination)

As you run around trying not to die you start to unmask the nefarious plot. The CEO of the company you worked for was actually possessed by an extra dimensional being who used him to posses lots of other hot shots to bring about this project and tear a whole in the fabric of reality so this thing could cross over and consume all life on this planet.

Through all of this you start seeing a woman in the mirror beckoning to you from a broken destroyed and ancient version of what should be reflected. What the players don’t know yet is that this woman is from 200 years in the future. She needs the players long lost technical knowledge to mcguffin the science and close the portal.

I’d already played this game up to this point when he ran a session with my cousins at the family reunion. And I’ve helped him workshop some major plot points. So I know too much for a normal player.

So I end up playing the woman. And giving her back story.

Vita (Vee-ta) is a 12 you old girl with flaming red hair, freckles and an obsession with knife fighting. who’s parents work at the corporate headquarters when the world ends. Said parent die pretty quick and I get picked up by the player characters who sorta adopt me. Along the way I pick up a large bowe knife and a tarot deck.

We see the mirror lady and when we get pulled through to the future something goes wrong. I go forward but instead of 200ish years its 180ish.

Manage to not die. Find some local human hold out, learn to survive, learn to fight, eventually learn magic. Earn favors from the local tribes. Collect/ make all the gear I need. I can eventually learn to open a portal to the past to pull myself and the group to the future. (All this happens off screen and was discussed before hand with my dad the dm)

My flaming red hair is cut short raged with a knife and pulled back out of the way, I’ve got a scar across one brow, and my freckled skin now sports a sun weathered look to it. (If you can’t tell I’m wlw)

I wear worn travel cloths made of patches of cloth sown together. And a travel cloak that has a ritual circle stitched into it.

I carry a pack with a couple days rations and a fire starting kit. I carry a large walking stick/ spear with ruins carved into it and a large piece of obsidian embedded in the top thats been carved to a point and stained with use. In a small draw string bag attached to my belt is the weathered cards of my tarot deck, faded and worn but still a complete set. On my hip is the knife I came through with, well cared for but old and weathered all the same.

At this point I don’t really know what to do. For the past 20 odd years I’ve been trying to fulfill what I thought was preordained because I know that me pulling us through is what brought me there so I know I “have to” do it.

But now... now I have some vague plan involving a portal to the moon based off of something I heard myself say before I got separated.

#feel free to reblog #ask game #ask game answers

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jhsbrat · 6 years ago

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the dick & the dancer, pt. 1 | knj

part ½

genre: brooklyn 99/cop au, enemies to lovers au

word count: 11.9k (there’s still another part to go, i hate myself)

warnings: crass humor, general idiocy, lightest of angst

a/n: i enjoyed writing this so much even though my other wips are staring at me in disbelief from my drafts page asfklsflk

special thanks goes to @guktwt and @seokinkjin for reading my drafts and convincing me that this wasn’t a total dumpster fire, ily :’)

“All units, come in. We’ve got a 10-31, back up needed.”

“Unit 2 here, what’s the situation?”

“Looks like a robbery in progress in the kitchen.”

“Copy, I’m en route. Did you get a good look at the suspect?”

“He’s got his back to us, but it looks like-“

“Son of a bitch! I knew it!”

“Wait, don’t-“

“Unit 1? Unit 1, come in, what’s happening?”

You charge at the silver haired man standing at the kitchen counter, sandwich still in his hand. Tomato and mayo go flying as he falls to the ground on his back, breath punched out of him. He blinks once, then twice, dazed, looking up to see you sitting on his chest.

“What the hell just- are you cuffing me?”

“That’s what happen to people who steal, Jimin, they get arrested.” You snap back, clicking the silver metal over his wrists.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me, it was a sandwich!”

“Theft is theft, buddy.” Pulling the man up into a standing position, you huff and blow away a loose strand of hair that escaped from your braid when you rushed him.

“Nice job, officer.” Jungkook comes up from his crouching spot behind the door. “Although in the future, you should probably let me know before you decide to assault the perp.”

Rolling your eyes, you prepare to respond when Taehyung comes skidding into the room.

“Jimin, they’re coming- oh. Uh, hey guys.”

You quirk a brow at the out of breath cop, his chest still heaving from running in response to your call. Jungkook’s eyes shift between the man you’ve got in cuffs and the one standing at the door.

“Don’t tell me-was this an inside job?”

“Tae!” You exclaim, surprise coloring your features, “I can’t believe it, you know how important my lunch is to me! I have to go all the way downtown to get the specialty ham imported from Spain!”

Taehyung sheepishly rubs the back of his neck. “I’m sorry guys, it’s just that-well, sometimes Chef Boyardee just doesn’t cut it anymore and you’re so good at cooking and-“

Jimin lets out an exaggerated sigh and shakes his arms in annoyance, cuffs clinking together noisily. “Can I remind you all that we’re talking about a sandwich?”

You round on him, jabbing a finger into his face. “And let me remind you that I carry a taser and I’m not afraid of using it on a civilian-“

“What exactly is going on here?” A voice boomed.

All four of you whip around to see Seokjin standing at the entrance, arms crossed over his chest. Yoongi is leaning on the pillar behind him, clipboard in hand and a blank expression on his face.

“Captain!” Your voices chimed out simultaneously, all of you drawing your backs up straight to stand at attention.

“Can someone answer the Captain, please?” Yoongi drawled, “Something tells me this isn’t worth the public service salary I get paid.”

“Uh, well. You see-“ Taehyung begins, stuttering.

“We were really just-“ Jungkook tries to continue, coming up with nothing.

You sigh and pinch your brows together. “Captain, we caught Jimin and Taehyung as the ones who keep stealing my lunch. So, naturally, I cuffed him to teach him a lesson.”

There’s a long pause as Seokjin stares at each of you in turns, all of you waiting with bated breath.

“His arms should be behind his back, it prohibits balance and prevents suspects from running off. You should know better, Detective.” He finally says, wagging at Jimin’s hands linked together in front of his body.

You blink in surprise. “Of course, sir, you’re right.”

He nods and walks off, Yoongi shaking his head and following behind him. All of you exhale, letting out the breath you had been holding in. Jungkook high fives you as Taehyung moves to release Jimin from his restraints.

“You’re all idiots,” Namjoon calls from his desk, “Every single one of you.”

Bodies crowd into the briefing rooms, people fighting over the limited number of seats at the tables. Yoongi stands at the front, flipping through papers and scribbling last minute notes, before he clears his throat and begins to speak.

“Good morning. Last night-“

“Hold that thought, Sergeant.” You say, walking into the room late, boot heels clicking against the over shined linoleum floor. Stopping at the seat in the very front, you tap on the shoulder of the young beat cop currently occupying it.

“Out of my chair, pipsqueak. You get the back.”

“But-but I was here early.” The boy stammers. You glance down and read his nametag.

“Beomgyu, is it? Listen here Beomgyu, I’m gonna give you some advice, free of charge,” you squat down to look him in the eyes, “When a ranking officer gives you an order, you follow it. Now up, you’re making my seat warm and I’m not a lizard.”

The boy gathers his things and walks to his relegated spot in the back as you plop down and prop up your feet. Next to you Namjoon scoffs and shakes his head, turning back to face front.

“Nice of you to join us, Detective. I was actually just about to mention you.” Yoongi says, focusing his gaze on you.

“Was it to congratulate me on my 98% conviction rate? Because I’m flattered, Sergeant, but I don’t do this job for the thanks. I do it for the fans.” You smile cheekily up at him.

“You have absolutely no fans,” Taehyung calls from his seat.

“Well, I’m glad to hear that,” Yoongi continues, “Because I was not going to thank you. Actually, I was getting ready to reprimand you in front of everyone. You know why?”

Your shit-eating grin slides off your face. “Why?”

“Because the train pick-pocketer you arrested on Thursday has been released.”

Everyone in the room simultaneously lets out a groan and Jungkook throws a paper ball of his crumpled notes at you. Leaning forward to place your head on the table, you cover yourself with your hands.

Over the melee of sudden noise, Yoongi goes on speaking. “Would you like to tell everyone why your suspect has been released and cleared of all charges, even though three cameras and two cops clearly saw what he was doing?”

“I forgot to Mirandize him,” you mutter from your hiding place under your arms.

Commotion breaks out again as everyone decides to let you know exactly how annoyed they were with you.

“We’ve been trying to catch him for weeks!”

“That’s the first thing they teach you in the Academy, how do you just forget-“

“Listen!” You sit up and turn in your seat to face the crowd of your angry coworkers, “I was caught up in the heat of the moment, okay!”

“He was a seventeen year old kid, dummy.” Jimin quipped, perched on the windowsill at the other side of the room. “Even I know you’re supposed to Mirandize first during an arrest and the closest to being a cop I’ve ever been was binge watching Law and Order for 48 hours.”

“SVU?” Taehyung asks.

“Duh, dude.” The pair laugh and high five each other.

“If I can all have your attention again,” Yoongi taps his pen loudly on the podium he was leaning against, “I want to finish the briefing by talking about The Dancer.”

The noise quiets down immediately and everyone leans in to listen closely. Yoongi pulls up a slide show on the board and flips through photos of a crime scene: an upscale penthouse.

“Last night, between the hours of 7 pm and 1 am, a Caravaggio art work was stolen from the residence of Royston Cornwallis Staley, a local businessman. At the time of the burglary, Staley was at a charity event with his wife.”

“And how do we know it’s The Dancer who did it?” Jungkook questions.

“The same way we always do. He left his calling card.” Yoongi clicks to a photo from the scene of a barely consumed and still smoking cigar, the side stamped with the words Cohiba Behike.

“Jesus, those Cubans are expensive. He’s a real prick for just leaving them there and not even having the audacity to finish one.” Jungkook huffs.

You sigh and lean back in your seat, tapping your foot against the table leg. “He’s taunting us. It’s his way of proving how much money he’s making off these heists.”

“I’m sorry, but who’s The Dancer? And why do we call him that?” Beomgyu asks from his place in the back.

“He’s a fine arts burglar that we’ve been trying to catch for months. We call him that because he’s light on his feet, newbie.” Namjoon explains, turning around to look at the boy. “And the next time you have a question: Don’t.”

Beomgyu blushes in embarrassment as Taehyung raises his hand to get the Sergeant’s attention. “How much was the painting worth?”

“Wait! Don’t answer!” Jimin cries, jumping suddenly to his feet. “I’m taking bets on people’s guesses. Irene, go.”

“10 million,” The petite crime scene investigator answers. Jimin jots down her response.

“No way, isn’t Caravaggio an Italian name? Gotta be at least 25 mil,” Jungkook posits.

“32!”

“You’re crazy, it’s like 13.”

“Staley is a rich guy, must be somewhere in the 50s.”

Jimin nods, writing down everyone’s names and bets, then turns to you.

“You wanna put down a number?”

Shrugging, you offer, “98.”

“Million?” Jimin’s eyes bug out of his head, “Are you sure?”

“Nah, let her bet it, I’m tryna win this money.” Jungkook says, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

“Alright then. Sergeant, if you can do the honors.”

Yoongi looks down at all of you, bored expression still unchanged from when you first walked into the room. “The private appraiser Staley hired valued the work at around $101 million.”

You stand up and whoop, much to the dismay of about everyone else in the room. They all reluctantly hand over their money to you when you go around to collect it. You nearly have to pull the cash from Jungkook’s hands, who gave it up with a grimace on his face. Shaking his head, Namjoon regards the scene. “This is really just sad, guys.”

“No, what’s really sad is the hole in the ozone layer from all the hair spray you used this morning to make that coif of yours stick up.” You turn to face the other detective, counting the bills you hold. “Seriously, do you use butter in there? I can see it shine from the parking lot.”

“Yeah, I did. Borrowed it from your mother last night.” Namjoon retorts without missing a beat.

“Oh, real classy, Kim-“

“And you think you’re one to talk about class-“

“I’m glad to know the two of you get along just as well as you always do,” Yoongi says, not bothering to raise his voice any louder than his usual speaking tone even though the two of you were yelling over each other at this point. He had a tendency to do that instead of shouting, forcing other people to lean in closely to listen. It gave him a sort of weird power trip to know he didn’t need to do much to catch people’s attention. You just found it annoying, but stopped your bickering long enough to hear what your superior wanted to say. He has a small smile on his face as he looks between you and the detective on your right, knowing there was only one reason Min Yoongi would smile like that-

“Because I’m putting you both on this case.”

You whip around to face the man in disbelief. “Sergeant, you can’t be serious.”

“Sir, I’ll work with anyone else, even Tae-“ Namjoon pleads.

“Hey!” Taehyung cries out from his seat.

Yoongi shook his head. “Not happening. You two have the highest conviction rates of anyone on the team and I needed this guy behind bars yesterday. I want you both on this.”

“Sarge, I’m sorry, but I can’t work with this dick breathing down my neck-“

“And I don’t want to be blamed when she eventually commits a lawsuit worthy offense!”

Yoongi holds up a hand to stop your pleas. “You,” he points in your direction, “are sloppy. The rules are a suggestion to you and I need to make sure there’s someone responsible watching what you’re doing.”

Rolling your eyes, you cross your arms over your chest in defeat.

“And you,” the blonde continues, swiveling to Namjoon, “are too uptight. You don’t know how to think outside of the box and quite frankly, that’s something you can learn from your new partner here.”

The other detective’s lips harden into a straight line at that.

“The only way either of you get off this case is if one you gets shot and honestly, I don’t want to fill out the paperwork for that. So you’re going to follow my orders or you can pack up your desk and find a new precinct. Have I made myself clear?”

You and Namjoon nod. “Yes, sir.”

“Good. Now get out of my briefing room.”

“Hey, Jimin?”

The man in question picked up his silver head to regard you. “Oh, hey, I thought I smelled the scent of failure.”

Speaking through a clenched jaw, you continue with the reason why you came to the assistant’s desk. “Is the Captain available? I really need to talk to him.”

“To chat with you about changing partners? No, he’s not. Busy man, you know, being the Captain of a police precinct and all.”

You glance up to look through the window into Seokjin’s office. “I can see him, Jimin. He’s playing with a yo-yo.” The man in question stares at the toy in his hand and proceeds to try and throw it forward, resulting in the hard plastic whipping back to hit him in the face.

Jimin just gives you a simpering smile. “Like I said. Busy.”

Pursing your lips in annoyance, you turn and stalk back to your desk where Namjoon waits for you.

“No luck?”

You fall into your seat. “Nope. You can go ahead and try, but I’m pretty sure he still has a grudge against you for the St. Patrick’s Day parade last year.”

“I didn’t recognize him with all that green paint on, all I saw was a drunk guy pissing in a public park!”

You lean forward to place your chin in your hands. “Look, the sooner we start this case, the sooner we can finish and get out of each other’s hair.”

Namjoon lets out an exasperated breath and nods. “Yeah, okay. Let’s go talk to the Staley’s.”

“Wait, what?” You scrunch up your nose in confusion, “What do we need to talk to them for, we already got their statements. We should be looking into The Dancer.”

“Like I’m going to follow the advice of someone who forgot to Mirandize a perp,” Namjoon snorts, “We’re doing this whole thing by the book. And that includes getting our own statements from the victims.”

“This is seriously a waste of our time.” You stand up to look at him and he straightens up to do the same. Although your boots gave you a little lift, Namjoon still had inches on your height and he used them to stare you down.

“I’m not arguing about this. Right now we need to talk to them while their memory’s still fresh.”

“Ooh, I love it when you use your cop voice,” Taehyung snickers as he walks by, tossing an apple for Namjoon to bite into.

“Just go, dude,” Jungkook sits next to you. “You can always do the research later. Stop being stubborn just because of that one thing years ago-”

“Alright!” You squeal, swatting at him before he could finish his sentence. “I’ll go!” Taehyung’s brows raise and Namjoon watches smugly, still chewing.

And that’s how you found yourself in a ritzy, high-rise apartment an hour later, speaking to an annoyed housewife in a designer dress worth more than your yearly salary.

“I already told the other cops everything I remember from that night,” Victoria Staley shrilled. “I don’t understand why this is taking so long!”

“We’re just trying to be thorough, ma’am.” Namjoon grit his teeth into a polite smile.

You chuckle and look back down at your phone, tapping away its keys.

“Well, I have nothing else to say other than we came home and the painting was just gone. No broken glass, no door ajar, just our missing property. It was one of a kind, you know. Italian, Baroque, not another like it.”

Namjoon made a noise of understanding. “Could there have been anyone else with access to the apartment? A maid, maybe?”

The woman twirled the earring dangling from her ear, thinking. “Yes, of course. The maid, the cook, the nanny, and the gardener. But they’ve all been vetted and checked by us before. Besides, none of them were working that night.”

“In any case, it would still be helpful for us to speak to them. Are any of them here now?”

Ms. Staley sighed dramatically and uncrossed her legs to stand up. “No, none of them are here. I’ll give you their contact information so you can find them instead.”

“That will work, thanks,” Namjoon’s face dropped as soon as she left the room. “Hopefully one of them knows something.”

You give a noncommittal hum, phone still in your hands. He turns to look at you.

“Detective! Can you stop texting and focus, please?”

You look up and blink. “I am focused. What do you think they pay the gardener to do here, anyways? They live in an apartment.”

His lips straighten into a thin line as he regards you. “How did you even get this job?”

“My brilliant wit and killer fashion sense,” you deadpan back. He doesn’t have the chance for a retort before Ms. Staley saunters back in.

“Here’s all of our staff’s contact information. Now please leave, I have a very important charity event to get ready for.” She hands Namjoon a list and crosses her arms over her chest, Manolo Blahnik clad foot tapping against the marble floor in impatience.

The two of you are quickly hurried out the door and back down the stairs, sharp autumn air hitting you once you step out from the posh private residence and back into the chaos of the city streets. As you stride down the sidewalk, Namjoon begins to deliberate aloud.

“I’m thinking we can start with the maid, she probably might have been the last person in the building before-“

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Before all that, I need another cup of coffee if I’m going to be stuck with you for a while.” You interrupt him, cutting through cars onto the other side of the road towards 14th street, your eyes still on your phone. Namjoon trails after you, long legs easily catching up with your brisk pace.

“Didn’t your mother ever teach you to look both ways before you cross the street?”

You pointedly ignore him in favor of pulling open the heavy wood and glass door of the café in front of you. The scent of caramel and chocolate infiltrate your nose and you step forward in line behind an office worker with dark rings under his eyes and a college student yakking away on a call. Your eyes peruse the menu above the counter and your lips curl into a frown when you realize they weren’t yet selling their annual festive options.

“It’s November, you would think they’d have holiday drinks by now,” you murmur to yourself, resigned to the idea of a plain cup of joe.

Namjoon moves closer and looks down at you. “I thought you hated the holidays, anyways?”

“No, I just hate you.”

At that, he sighs. “Listen, we’re going to have to figure out how to be cordial if we want this to work.”

You shrug half-heartedly. “I think what we have going for us right now is working well.”

“Look, I don’t know what you have against me-“

You snort in derision, moving forward after the beleaguered office worker completes his order and steps aside. “I don’t know, maybe it’s the fact that you think you’re better than everyone else. Or like to namedrop where you attended college in every conversation. Or that you attended college at all, unlike some of us. Or maybe a million other things that I can’t list right now, because I would die before I get to them all. Just a thought.”

He bites the inside of his cheek, frustrated. “You’re not the easiest person to deal with either, you know. You reek of overconfidence and never know when to shut up. Just because you’re a brilliant cop doesn’t override that fact that you’re rude and crass and a bully.”

“Mhm, keep sweet talking me, Kim.”

“You’re so insufferable-“

“Detective!” A honeyed voice calls and you both turn your heads to see the barista at the counter smiling sweetly at you. Her upturned lips, lobbed short hair, and reddened cheeks from the heat of the espresso machine made her look like an elf.

“Yeri!” You walk up to her and grin back. “How’ve you been?”

“Better. The usual?” The girl is already writing the order on a blank cup.

“Sure. And whatever this guy is having.” You point back at Namjoon and begin digging through your wallet.

“Small coffee, black. No sugar.”

You hand the girl her money and fix him with an unamused look. “You really fulfill every cop stereotype, you know that?”

“I think it’s cute.” The barista smiles at him and the man blushes, coughing and looking away.

You chuckle and lean against the display of mugs emblazoned with the café logo for sale precariously piled one on top of another. “Anyways, Yeri, I wanted to ask you a question. You’re an art history major down at the university, right?”

“Yep!” The petite brunette beams excitedly, “Just a semester away from graduation.”

“Great, so maybe you can answer an art history question for me. What do you know about the Baroque period?”

The girl’s eyes light up. “Oh, what don’t I know? It started in Italy and it’s all about really ornate, grandiose aesthetics. Think dramatic lights and shadows, gold glided architecture, and Michaelangelo-esque sculptures.”

Namjoon leans forward to whisper in your ear. “Shouldn’t we get going? We still have other people to interview.”

You ignore the heat from his peppermint-scented breath tickling against the side of your face and wave him off instead. He huffs, walking away to wait at the other end of the counter. “Interesting, so they’d be pretty expensive pieces?”

“Oh yeah, hella expensive. There’s an art gallery down the street that is actually displaying one for an exhibition on Rembrandt. If you’re interested, you should totally check it out-“

At that moment, Namjoon’s walkie-talkie buzzed insistently. “Unit 1, there has been a 10-65 in your area.”

Yeri’s eyes widen. “What’s that?” She whispers to you as Namjoon picks up his device.

“Burglary,” you whisper back to her.

“Detective Kim here, go ahead.” Namjoon grabs his coffee, nods at the girl in thanks, and begins to head out the door.

“Someone reported a break in and theft from an art gallery on 14th street-“

His back stiffens and he slowly rotates around to face the two of you again, tongue pressed against his cheek. “Yeri. Where did you say that gallery was?”

“So you’re telling me,” Yoongi lets out a long, exasperated exhale, as if he had just caught his two year-old drawing on the walls with permanent marker again, “That the Dancer pulled off another theft. And the two of you were blocks away?”

You and Namjoon look at each other as if to confirm, then face him again. “Yeah, pretty much.”

The sergeant groans and slumps his entire body over the podium, sending papers flying to the floor. You wait a few seconds to see if he would straighten up again before going on.

“To be fair, sir, we did figure out-“

“Kid, I could give two shits about what you figured out, unless it happened to be who the hell this guy is,” Yoongi snaps, face still planted against the wood. “And I don’t think it was that because you’re still sitting here talking to me.”

His rebuttal leaves you reeling, mouth snapped shut and grimaced in a straight line. Though your cheeks don’t turn red, you feel your face heat up in anger and you have to fight to force your retort back, irritation sliding down your throat like bile. Namjoon glances at you for a moment, taking in your response, then turns back to your superior.

“Sergeant, we’ll get him next time, we swear.”

“There better not be a next time, Detective. Because next time, I want him behind bars. Now get out and do your job.”

You stand up without another word and exit the briefing room, letting the door slam shut behind you in frustration. Jaw clenched and shoulders hunched forward, you’re marching back to your desk when you feel a hand clasp onto your wrist. Bristling, you yank yourself away and pivot to see Namjoon behind you. He takes a sheepish step back and looks down into your eyes.

“I’m sorry he said that to you, it was uncalled for-“

“This is all your fault,” you hiss at him. His brows shoot up.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about your need to ‘do things by the book’, even though it was a waste of time. If you had just listened to me, we could have figured out the gallery thing hours ago!” You blow out your cheeks and rub your temples.

“We found out about the gallery by accident, just because you happened to want some coffee!” He barks back. “It wouldn’t have mattered anyways!

“I didn’t want any coffee, you dolt, I was doing research!” Your hands are balled into fists at your side, trembling against the urge to smack him in the face. “I know you could only fathom doing that by typing in a database, like some nerd, but some of us do it by talking to actual people!”

Namjoon falters, blinking in surprise, and you take that moment to fall onto your chair and release the irascibility you had been holding in until now, breathing in and out deeply. When you feel your heart rate return to normal and your hands steady themselves again, you open your eyes to see the man still standing in front of you.

“Look,” you begin, leaning forward to rest your elbows on your knees, “I get a lot of shit for a lot of reasons on this job. I’m young, I’m a woman, and I’m not highly educated. That would make it hard for me anywhere, but it makes it especially hard here.

It doesn’t matter how bright or quick I am, I’m always going to be judged differently than you. I’m sure he didn’t even realize it, but the Sergeant called me ‘kid’ in there while you referred to you by your actual rank. And it’s like that every day. I have to work twice as hard as you to get the same amount of recognition.

So, yeah, maybe my methods are a little unorthodox. Maybe I am too brash, or loud, or ‘don’t speak like a lady’, whatever the hell that means. But a few mistakes aside, mistakes that are no where near as bad as the ones other people on our squad have committed,” You look up to stare at him directly in the eyes, “I’m a damn good cop and I demand you to treat me as such.”

Namjoon opens his mouth and then closes it again, at a loss for words. He simply nods and grabs the chair beside you to sit down. The precinct slowly returns to its previous hustle and bustle, noise level rising back up after everyone in the immediate vicinity had paused to witness the spat.

“Hey guys, I have the statement from the gallery owner,” Beomgyu walks up and smiles brightly at both of you, unaware of the tension still lingering in the air.

“Learn to read the room, rookie,” Taehyung comes up from behind him and takes the paper in his hands to hand off to you. “Understanding body language will save you from getting shot someday.”

The boy’s eyes widen comically, making him appear like one of those anime characters Jungkook loves to watch so much. “Has that ever happened to you?”

“Get lost.” Namjoon grunts, still watching you. The younger cop takes off and you chuckle, running your gaze down the notes from the interview with the gallery owner.

“So it was the Baroque piece Yeri was talking about that he stole…”

“Ba-what?” Jungkook comes to join you all, hand buried in a bag of Taki’s.

“Baroque. Renaissance era art style, heavy handed and elaborate.” Taehyung rattles off. The three of you look up at him in shock and he shrugs casually. “I took a few art classes at the local community college. Could have been a painter in another life, you know.”

Jungkook snorts. “Yeah, and I could have been a pop idol.”

Namjoon disregards both of them and still keeps his gaze locked in your direction. “What’s our next move, Detective?”

You look up at him for a split second, then back down at the page in your hands, thinking. “Tae, did the owner mention hiring any new people recently?”

The man scrunches up his nose in thought. “No, I didn’t think to ask him that.”

You hum and then cock your head back towards Beomgyu’s desk. “What about you, noob? Notice anything?”

The boy startles up and almost trips over his own feet in a hurry back to you. “Uh, well, I did see carpenter’s materials- a ladder, couple tools. Maybe he was renovating the building for a new exhibit and temporarily hired a contractor to do the work.”

The corners of your lips lift and the gears in your brain turn faster, a pattern beginning to form in front of you. Chewing your lip in silent contemplation, you give it a second more thought before you decide to posit your hypothesis to the rest of the team.

“As suave as he’s been, the Dancer has proven to be incredibly predictable. I looked up the past jobs he’s done and each city he’s been to, he’s focused on a specific historical period or origin. In London, it was all Spanish Cubism. New York City, French Impressionism. Brussels, Russian Futurism,” you explain, words falling out of your mouth as soon as you think of them. “His mind thinks like a collector, a curator. And here, he’s only done Baroque pieces so far.”

The men sit in stunned silence, taking in what you had presented. “When did you have time to research this?” Namjoon asks, confused.

“When I was texting earlier,” You shoot him a pointed glance and then press on. “Unlike those other big cities, though, we don’t have a bunch of art pieces from the same period strewn all over the place. Baroque art is expensive, costly to procure and there’s only three places in the entire city that currently house any works of its kind. Two he’s already hit and I’m thinking he can’t stand leaving here without attempting the last one. That’s where he’ll be next.”

“Okay, so tell me what was so important that you insisted on interrupting my practice time,” Seokjin demanded, rolling up his yo-yo to put away in his desk drawer.

You, Namjoon, Yoongi, Jungkook, and Taehyung were all currently huddled in Seokjin’s office, the crowded space making the air a little warmer. The younger two detectives were standing by the door, while Yoongi stood next to the Captain, eyes watching the clock on the wall tick closer to five pm.

“Well, sir, we’re fairly confident we know The Dancer’s next move.” Namjoon starts. Seokjin cocks a brow and leans forward in interest.

“I looked into the past jobs he’s done in past cities,” you explain, “And I noticed a repeating theme.”

“You gotta talk faster than that, folks. I’ve got a bottle of wine and a bubble bath waiting for me at home.” Yoongi interjects, eyes still on the clock.

“We have reason to believe that he has one more heist to pull off in our very own city.” Namjoon continues in a rush, “Because guess where one of the world’s most expensive pieces of antique Baroque jewelry is currently located?”

Seokjin sits back in his chair, grinning. “I’m thinking it’s right in our very own city.”

You nod. “It’s housed at the Museum of Art downtown and they’re having an after hours benefit gala tonight. It’s the perfect opportunity for him to steal it and all we need to do is be there.”

“So we attend the event as security and just wait. That sounds easier than I thought.” Jungkook bounces on his toes in excitement.

“I’m thinking not quite, buddy,” Namjoon shakes his head. “My partner also realized that both the victims had recently hired on new employees; the Staley’s a gardener and the gallery owner a contracted carpenter. Both of whom were left alone with the art and both of whom have not shown up for another day of work since the pieces were stolen from each place.”

“So he found a way to get inside access, making the theft easier to pull off.” Seokjin murmurs, rubbing his chin.

“Exactly. This guy is a professional and I don’t doubt he’s done the same for the gala. He’ll be tipped off immediately if we show up in uniforms and squad cars and then he’ll slip away because he’ll look like he belongs.”

Surprised with Namjoon’s mention of your discovery and sudden change in thought, you turn to look at the man. “What do you propose then?”

He beams and you can’t help but stare at his dimples. “We go undercover.”

“Ah, fuck yeah, a sting!” Taehyung punches a hand in the air, then quickly covers his mouth. “Sorry, Captain.”

Seokjin gives him an unimpressed look and then turns to Yoongi. “Looks like you’re not going to be making that bubble bath, Sergeant.”

Yoongi drops his eyes from the clock, seconds away from 5 pm, and releases a long sigh. “Why are you all trying to ruin my life?”

Things moved quickly from there on. Papers were signed, calls were made, and soon enough the entire precinct was scrambling in order to provide extra support to your team. Catching this thief would be a big deal for your squad and could be the kind of high-profile case you needed to propel you forward in your career. So you did everything you could think of in order to make it work. And that included squeezing into the only formal dress in your possession.

Huffing, you stare at yourself in the mirror, eyeing the red sequined fabric stretched a little tight since you had bought the piece years before you joined the force. You had packed on more weight in muscle since then, a necessary requirement in your daily life of chasing down and wrestling with criminals. But it gave the cloth material little room to move and made you a slightly hesitant about wearing the piece while on the job.

A loud knock sounded on the bathroom door, a signal to hurry up and leave. You take one last look at yourself and then walk out to come face to face with this rest of the team.

Taehyung whistles at the sight of you. “Someone call Tyra Banks, cuz we got America’s Next Top Model right here.”

You brush past him to grab your gun and holster from your desk. “Shut up, idiot.”

Jungkook comes up behind you to squeeze your shoulder. “Honestly, though, why are you always wearing leather jackets and jeans, you’re smokin’. I don’t know what Namjoon was thinking back when-“

You throw his arm off and whip around to look him in the eyes. “Keep talking, Jeon, I’ll tase your nuts here and now.”

“Absolutely no unnecessary tasing, I promised the Sergeant that-“ Namjoon walks into the room and then stops dead in front of you, mouth agape. “Um.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” You bend down to lift up your skirt and attach the gun holster to your upper thigh, Namjoon’s eyes following your movements. Snapping the band once to check that it’s secured, you raise back up to catch him staring.

“You’re gonna catch a fly, dude.” Taehyung walks up to shut Namjoon’s mouth close. The man blushes and pushes past you to the whiteboard in the back of the room. He takes a few moments to write figures and draw diagrams, then turn back to the rest of you.

“Alright, well, here’s how we’re going to do this. Jungkook and I are going to be in the control van out back, manning the communications and camera systems.” Namjoon gestures his crudely drawn map of the Museum’s premises, then points to you. “Taehyung is going to pose as a waiter and you’re going to be a wealthy patron attending the gala.”

“So how are we supposed to figure out which person is The Dancer? He’s not exactly going to show up with a name tag.” Jungkook asks.

“We’re going to keep an eye on people hovering around the exhibit the necklace is in. That’s why we need two sets of eyes in the actual room to check everyone out.”

“I feel like we need a seducing aspect in here somewhere. Detective, how about it?” Taehyung leers at you and leans his elbow on your shoulder.

“Oh, what, because I’m the only female on the squad- which points to some larger issues with our hiring practices, may I add- I have to be the honey pot?” You shrug him off and re-adjust your fallen dress straps, not noticing Namjoon’s gaze on your exposed collarbone.

“Honestly, my first choice would have been Jimin. He’s prettier than you.”

“Thanks babe!” The administrator calls from the lobby.

You roll your eyes and start to head out the door. “Let’s get this done.”

“Can I ask you a question?” Jungkook maneuvers out of the parking lot and onto the busy city street.

“Shoot.” You’re readjusting your earpiece, making sure your hair hid it well.

“I know you want to avoid this subject, but I have to know: Why are you still holding this grudge against Namjoon?”

You look over at the man driving, eyes trailing from the strained veins in arms from gripping the wheel up to the gentle turn of his nose and the small scar on his cheek, a parting gift from a criminal he apprehended years ago. He was smart and sweet and supportive, everything anyone could want. And you wished with all the strings and sinew of your heart that he was the one you had feelings for.

“Because he was a dick and you know it. I won’t forget that easily.”

Jungkook frowns. “Give him a break, he had just found out that his drunk hookup from the night before was his new co-worker. It’s not that easy to-“

“It wasn’t just that!” You suddenly explode, pent up emotion finally getting the chance to escape after years of seething below the surface. “You were late that morning when we were all being introduced, you didn’t see it. His eyes glazed over me like he’d never seen me before, like he’d never want to be associated with me. He essentially refused to say a word to me until Yoongi basically forced him to by pairing us up for that first case. And you know how well that one went.”

The man stops at a traffic light, red glow illuminating his face as he looks over at you. “Yeah, you lost the guy because you were too busy arguing and you were both put on desk duty for a month. But we both know that’s not it.”

You stare at him, mouth set and gaze unwavering. “Then what else could it possibly be?”

“He’s everything you’re not. Graduated from a top school, comes from a wealthy family, probably had an uncle score him this job. You cut your teeth on working your way up from a rookie traffic cop, poured the salt of your blood into getting where you are today.” Jungkook’s eyes are unforgiving as he looks right back at you. “You like to talk big and bad, but deep down, you’re just insecure. And when he ignored you that day, your mind immediately went to the worst possible place and it was that you’re not good enough.”

You bite down on your lip hard enough to pierce the skin, taste of iron bubbling on your tongue. The light switches to green and Jungkook accelerates, leaving you to face front again in silence. The two of you stay quiet for the remainder of the ride, an uneasy strain hovering between you both.

Minutes later, you arrive at the museum. Red carpet is laid out to welcome the loaded guests and waiters with platters of champagne glasses stand at the entrance to ply them with free booze. Taking a deep breath, patting your upper thigh once to ensure your gun was still secured, you prepare to exit the vehicle when Jungkook lightly touches your arm.

You don’t turn around and he doesn’t give you the chance to before he says his final piece. “I don’t think Namjoon was right, or even a decent person for what happened. All I’m saying is that your reason for treating him the way you do stems from a deeper place than just being a jilted one night flame and it’s time you confront it.”

A pause. Then you nod once, opening the car door to stand up and paste a brilliant smile on your face.

“Holy shit, they’re pouring you all Costco brand wine.”

You pick up a flute of champagne from a nearby tray and smile politely at the waiter before whispering; “I wouldn’t classify that as pertinent information, Taehyung.”

“I would,” Jungkook scoffs, “Considering how much a ticket costs to get into this thing.”

“Let’s stay sharp, people.” Namjoon comes in on the line. “Tae, anything you’ve noticed so far with the wait staff?”

“Uh, yeah, I think I went to high school with one of these guys.”

Namjoon sighs. “Anything happening on the ballroom floor?”

Your eyes run over the room, soft chandelier lights sending all the Tiffany necklaces and diamond cufflinks twinkling. The gold glided walls draw your gaze up to the second floor balcony, lined with wealthy philanthropists decked out in their designer brands. They all had on the same polite, uninterested smile wealthy people had while shopping for their next big purchase. Expected for an event like this, crafted exclusively for them. You shake your head in response to Namjoon’s question before you remember that he couldn’t actually see you. “No, just a lot of older people. Nothing suspicious.”

“Maybe try heading to the exhibit room where the necklace is held,” Jungkook adds. “He could be hanging around there.”

Your eyes scan the room until they land on the bar, its seats raised up a little higher than the rest of the space. It would give you a good vantage point to check everyone out and a decent reason to people watch without appearing strange.

“No, too obvious.” You walk up to the counter and slide onto a stool, gesturing to the bartender to catch his attention.

“What can I get you?” His lips stretch wide to reveal white, even teeth, and his eyes crinkle into half moons. You take in his high cheekbones, the gentle slope of his long, straight nose. Caught off guard for a moment, you blink at him.

“Uh- whiskey sour.”

“Coming right up.” He smiles again and moves away to prepare the drink.

“Detective, you’re on the job.” Namjoon hisses into your earpiece. You ignore him in favor of picking up the glass the bartender sets down in front of you.

“Let me know if that tastes alright, it’s my first night doing this.” The man grins sheepishly at you and watches as you take your first sip. It’s sweeter than you would have liked, heavier on the lemon and sugar than bourbon, but you weren’t going to tell him that and risk his smile disappearing.

“Perfect.”

He lets out the breath he’d been holding in, earlier confidence returning. “I’m Jay, by the way. I’ll be taking care of you tonight.”

Something more than customer service civility is laced in his voice and a throbbing hum fills your head. It takes you a second to remember that you were indeed on the job, here to catch an internationally renowned art thief and not flirt with the museum wait staff.

“Thank you, Jay.” You shoot him a polite smile and swivel around on your stool, facing the rest of the grand ballroom once more. Taking small sips of your drink to appear casual and stave off the sudden throbbing in your head, your eyes dart among the crowd, looking out for anything and nothing in particular. The room was full to the brim with the wealthy, expensive perfume doing nothing to cover the entitlement oozing off them in waves. You watch them get schmoozed by museum staff, writing off donation checks like it was nothing, and feel starkly out of place.

“Fuck!”

You narrow your eyes in worry, unable to respond lest someone nearby saw you talking to yourself. Jungkook does it instead.

“Tae, do you copy? What’s going on?”

A moment passes and your blood heats up in panic. Then the line crackles to life again.

“They put me on bathroom cleaning duty, the lazy shits. Someone puked in there already!”

You groan and close your eyes in frustration, anxiety dissipating.

“You’re officially cut off from using this line unless it’s absolutely an emergency.” Namjoon barks. You hear Taehyung wince before the line goes dead again.

“Bad drink?”

You startle and turn to your side to see a man in a suit leaning against the bar next to you. He smirks at your surprised expression and leans in closer.

“C’mon, I’ll buy you a new one. What will you have?” His hair is slicked back, an obscene amount of gel used to get it to lie flat like it does. A neatly trimmed beard and clean-cut suit defined the sharp angles of his face, the hollow of his cheeks. Your nose crinkles on instinct when he moves nearer, the heavy scent of cologne surrounding him like a cloud. He wasn’t ugly by any means, just the kind of handsome that only money could buy. You find yourself longing for the softness of full cheeks instead, of deep dimples that hold a promise.

“It’s an open bar.” You reply coolly and turn back around, finishing off the glass in your hand.

He chuckles, undeterred. “Alright, so no drink. Fancy a cigar?”

You fix your eyes determinedly in front of you. “I don’t smoke.”

“Pity. It would complement all this Bernini here perfectly.” He gestures to the glinting bronze and gold of the museum ceilings and you snort, unimpressed. Then there’s the click of the lighter and you glance at him again, shocked at his boldness.

“Sorry, sir, no smoking allowed.” Jay declares, tapping the stranger on the shoulder. The man’s mouth stretches, wolfish, and he turns to blow a ring in the bartender’s face.

“Careful, kid, I’ll have your job.” He sniggers, sucking in another breath of tobacco.

You curl your lips in disgust, contemplating the consequences of slapping the asshole right there, when your eyes land on the gold seal of the cigar in his hand. Cohiba Behike.

Pulse racing, you get up out of your seat and head towards the restroom, ignoring the stranger’s calls for your return. Struggling to keep your expression neutral, you whisper desperately into your earpiece.

“Tae, meet me in the ladies bathroom now.”

“I’m still cleaning up puke here.”

You clench your jaw and rip off the earpiece to speak directly into it. “Right the fuck now.”

The urgency in your voice gets across and minutes later, he finds you in the last stall, sitting on the toilet in your dress.

“What is it?” He leans against the stall door, crisp white waiter’s shirt drenched in rings of sweat from the exertion of mopping.

You release a breath. “I think I found him.”

“Found who?” Jungkook asks.

“The Dancer? You think you found The Dancer?” Namjoon follows up, frantic.

“Which one is he?” Taehyung looks ready run out and pounce, matted honey brown hair a boyish contrast to the gun you knew he had tucked in his waist.

“I don’t know, I’m not sure!” You’re frazzled by the multiple voices speaking at once, unsure of who to answer first. “The guy talking to me at the bar, he mentioned another artist from the same era, and then he pulled out a cigar-“

“So?”

“It was the same Cuban cigar that The Dancer always leaves behind, it can’t be a coincidence!”

Taehyung chews on his inner cheek. “I don’t think that’s enough. We haven’t witnessed him actually do anything.” Jungkook hums in agreement on the other end. There’s silence for a moment while the three of you wait on Namjoon’s vote.

“What does your gut tell you?” He asks softly.

You sigh and put your head in your hands, squeezing your eyes shut in thought. The throbbing hum returns at full force and it’s what convinces you. “It tells me that he’s in this building somewhere. That I’ve talked to him tonight. It has to be that guy.”

A beat, then: “Okay, we’re coming in.”

You stand up and nod at Taehyung, straightening your dress and pulling out your badge to brandish. He does the same and rolls his shoulders to ready himself, leading the way out. On the other side of the door, you’re met with chaos.

“It’s gone! It’s gone!”

“Did anyone see? Who could have-“

“Someone call the police!”

Blood running cold, you grab ahold of one of the museum employees as they run past. “What’s going on?”

The woman is frantic, sleek bun gone astray, glasses on the tip of her nose and threatening to fall off. “One of our most valuable pieces has just been stolen!”

Taehyung steps forward and thrusts his badge in her face. “Which one?”

“An antique necklace! Baroque!” The woman wails.

Your breath stutters in your chest and you drag your gaze back towards the bar. The stranger is still leaning against it, puffing on his cigar and watching the turmoil unfold in confusion.

“What the fuck is going on?”

“Good morning. I’d like to begin by congratulating our team of detectives on their job last night.”

A polite round of applause follows and Yoongi nods his head.

“Just really amazing work, you guys. The Dancer escaped from right under your nose with his loot not once, but twice.”

Sinking lower into your seat, you pull the hood of your sweatshirt over your head and tug on the ends until it tightens to hide your face. Beside you, Namjoon is staring determinedly down into his lap as if it hid the secret spell to magic him out the room.

“I don’t think I need to tell you that this case has been pushed to priority 1. The Dancer has no reason to stay in town now since all the works he’s been after are now gone, so we need to figure out where he is before he dips. Have I made myself clear?”

“Crystal.” Taehyung mutters, arms crossed over his chest.

The rest of the briefing carries on in its usual fashion, but Yoongi’s words go in one ear and out another. There’s a buzzing in your ears and your lip has become bruised from biting it so hard. Your leg is jittering under the table, knee knocking against the wood, until Namjoon reaches out to rest a hand on it.

You shift to look at him, but his gaze remains locked downwards. He squeezes once and leaves his hand there, preventing you from fidgeting anymore. You let it happen, loosening your teeth’s hold on your lip and the buzzing quieting down a little.

The briefing ends and everyone shuffles out of the room. The remainder of the day passes by in a blur of paperwork and collecting statements from witnesses. It did absolutely no good, however, since no one saw what happened. Or rather, no one could remember clearly what had happened. The museum staff’s plan of boozing up the gala’s attendees in order to get them to empty their pockets had the most undesirable effect in ensuring that nearly everyone was drunk and no one was a reliable witness. To make matters worse, the surveillance van’s camera lines had been hacked, so that the screens Namjoon and Jungkook were watching had really been just a repeating minute loop. There was no way to recover the lost data or get people to remember their night. The clock was ticking closer to the end of the day and you still had not figured out your next move.

Namjoon rubs his eyes and lets out a breath. “He had to have had inside access some how. Tae, you’re sure you didn’t see anyone or anything with the wait staff look out of ordinary?”

The man shakes his head, honey brown hair mussed from running his fingers through it in frustration. “Nothing. If anything, everyone couldn’t wait to leave.”

“We’re missing something, guys. C’mon, what is it?”

You stay quiet. It was your fault they had all been distracted, your fault there had been a brief window of time where the thief could go in and do the job. You were so sure you were right, something about the moment at the bar screaming that he was there in front of you. It was the first time your instinct had failed you and the knowledge of that shook you to the core. The rest of your team followed your dejected mood, Namjoon the only one still determined to tease out the solution somehow.

“We’re not giving up, we’ve gotten this far. Snap out of it!” He comes up to shake Jungkook on the shoulder, but the other man just brushed him off.

Seokjin walks by your team on your way out, yo-yo dangling from his finger. He pauses next to your desk and looks down at your forlorn face. “Why so glum, sugar plum?”

You hit refresh on the police database page profiling The Dancer, hoping it would miraculously reveal some new information, like his current whereabouts. “Sorry, Captain, we just kind of…”

“We don’t know what to do, sir,” Jungkook finishes for you. “We’re stuck and have no idea what’s next.”

Seokjin makes a noise of understanding and moves to sit on Taehyung’s desk, scattering piles of folders and papers astray. The captain pays no mind as the detective huffs, kneeling to reorganize the mess.

“Well, I certainly can’t let you leave before coming up with something concrete.”

All four of you groan, the possibility of overtime something you were trying to avoid.

“This isn’t even our case, sir!” Taehyung says from his spot on the floor.

“We’re a team, Detective. So their case is your case and you’re not going anywhere.” Seokjin replies righteously and looks around at each of your faces, desolate expressions still unchanged. He sighed and walked back to his office, returning moments later with a handle of rum and a couple of paper cups from the water cooler. He sets them down and proceeds to fill them up, all of you watching in shock.

“You just need to relax,” he says, handing off a cup of the amber liquid to each of you.

Namjoon coughs, uncomfortable. “Sir, is this really…appropriate?”

“Jesus, you really are uptight, Kim.” Seokjin chuckles. “This is what my generation would do when we hit a rut. Sit back, have a drink, and come back to the problem later with a fresh mind.”

You blink. “Captain, you’re barely older than us.”

He swings back his cup and grimaces at the taste. “And yet, so much wiser. Drink up, I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow.” Gathering his belongings again, Seokjin tips his head in goodbye and walks out the door.

All of you watch him strut out, then turn back, eyes flitting between each person to see who would be the first to take the plunge.

“Fuck it,” Namjoon grumbles and downs his cup, filling it up again immediately after. Taehyung just whoops and follows in his stead. Jungkook sighs, then shrugs and does the same. They look expectantly in your direction; your mouth still dropped open in shock at the turn of events.

All you can do is groan and pick up your own cup in solidarity.

Hands slid over your body, from the nape of your neck down to your back. They were rough to the touch; palms calloused from years of gripping the handle of a gun. A leg is shoved between your own and a groan resounds through the room. Your breath turns into labored panting and your arms tremble in anticipation.

“Taehyung! Stop trying to knock me over, that’s cheating!” You’re holding yourself up on the mat, body posed in a bastardized downward dog, right foot on yellow and left hand on green.

Taehyung finds a way to lean over you and successfully plant his hand on blue, a winning grin on his face, eyes nearly becoming slits. He shifts his leg; movement threatening to tip your precarious position over and you jerk your head over your shoulder to glare at him.

“Where did you even manage to find Twister in here?” Jungkook hiccups, cheeks glowing red from the booze. He had tapped out of the game five minutes in, collapsing on his second turn after trying to execute a move to somehow get both his left foot and right hand on the same red circle.

“You’d be surprised at the shit they keep in evidence lock up,” Namjoon answers from his seat, legs splayed out and cup still in his hand. He had refused to play altogether, stiff attitude still unchanged even after having a couple drinks in his system. Instead, he preferred to watch you twist and turn according to the rules of the game, intent on beating Taehyung. The other man had drunk the least out of the four of you, rambunctious personality needing no more aid from alcohol. So his limbs remained adroit and nimble, easily able to coil himself to where his hands and feet needed to go. It was a stark difference from you, sheer determination and stubborn refusal to lose being the only things still keeping your body up when the rum sloshing around in your belly insisted you fold to the ground.

“Alright, right hand blue.” Jungkook calls out. Both you and Taehyung immediately go for the same circle, the closest one to either of you. His hand lands first, but yours falls right over it, all the weight of your entire body lending its pressure to push down against it. He yowls in pain and his knees buckle out of position, pulling his arm out from under yours to cradle it.

You scramble up and cheer. “I win!”

“No way, that was cheating! You broke my hand!” Taehyung whimpers, still massaging his sore fingers.

You scoff and get up, dusting off your knees and stretching out your arms. “If that was cheating, then so was the round where you tried tickling me so I would fall.”

The man’s only response is to stick out his tongue childishly. Chuckling, you move to pour yourself another drink when you realize the entire handle of alcohol was empty. “How did we manage to finish the whole thing?”

“Why are you asking as if you didn’t guzzle your first few cups like water?” Jungkook responds, eyes opening blearily, blush now extended to the tips of his ears.

“Just go buy some more,” Taehyung suggests, still cradling his hand. “The bodega around the corner sells Fireball, get us that. And some snacks while you’re at it.”

You snort but grab your wallet anyways. “Just because you designated this task to me doesn’t me I’m going to do it well. You’re getting some shitty Captain Morgan.” As you move towards the door, the sound of footsteps follows and you turn to face Namjoon. He nods at you, as if right there was exactly where he needed to be.

“Didn’t want you to go alone. It’s dark out.” He offers as an explanation.

You cock a brow. “I’m trained in two different kinds of martial arts and carry a gun.”

“Humor me.” He brushes past you to walk out, cool city air gusting into the police station for a moment before the door closes shut again. Your lips purse before you follow the man out into the street. The two of you walk for a few minutes in silence, sounds of bustling metropolitan life around you providing the background music. At a cross walk, you stop to wait for the light to turn and decide to glance at the officer next to you, his features doused in the sallow light of the street lamps.

His jaw is sharp, regal. It’s a contrast to the softness of his cheeks, the pillowy padding of his lips. Though his expression was neutral now, you knew that if he turned his lips up in a smile, two twin dimples would appear on either side, deep and unforgiving. Your eyes drag up to the gentle curve of his nose, then to the straight line of his dark brows drawn against the tan of his skin. Though it pained you to admit, Namjoon is handsome. Always was handsome, it was the first thought that run through your vodka muddled mind when you first laid eyes on him years ago in that bar. He looked exactly as he did now, though his dress shirt had a few buttons undone then, collar splayed open to reveal the blush creeping up his chest. You hazily remember the clutch of his hands on your hips, the bite of his teeth when they sank into the skin of your neck-

“See something you like?”

You blink, startled out of your reprieve, only to see Namjoon’s back as he strolled across the street. The cross walk signed glared in front of you, little green walking man taunting. Shaking your head, you jog to catch up to him, already walking into the entrance of the bodega.

“You were just waiting for the perfect moment to say that, weren’t you?” The bell of the door rings as you enter and you find him standing in the beer aisle, inspecting a 6 pack of Bud Lights.

“I mean, you also were staring.” He decides on Natty Light instead and picks it out, turning to face you. “I know I’m devastatingly good looking, but you need to be a little more discrete with your ogling.”

You bite the inside of your cheek, embarrassed at being caught. “I was looking at your hair, dorkus. Was considering calling NASA since that shit is defying gravity.”

His smile softens, then falls from his face slowly, expression turning serious. “I wanted to apologize.”

You jerk your head back, perplexed. “What are you talking about?”

He shifts from one foot to another, clearly a little unsure. “I mean for how I’ve been treating you. And not just since we started working together on this case.”

Your mind goes blank and your nose fills with the scent of peppermint as he shifts a little closer. There’s no way he’s talking about what you’re thinking of, right?

“I haven’t been fair to you.” Namjoon continues, still holding your gaze firmly. “I know I called you overconfident, but so am I. On the first day, I came in all cocky and that ruined what we could have had between us.”

I can’t believe he actually admitted it. Your heart rate picks up speed at his words. A beat passes and though you have no reply prepared, your mouth opens-

“I shouldn’t have been so stubborn on that first case. I was so sure I was right just because I know I got the highest scores on the detective’s exam. I didn’t stop to listen to you and if I just had, we could have caught the guy-“

Your mouth snaps shut in confusion. “What?”

“The credit fraud guy? The first case we had together? You talked about how people don’t take you seriously and I realized I did the same thing all those years ago and that’s how this whole stupid feud started-“

You can hardly hear the sound of your own voice when you speak over the loud ringing in your ears, anger slipping over you like a shadow. “Namjoon, you think I hate you because of the fucking credit fraud case?”

His brows furrow and his mouth hangs open dumbly. “I-what? Yeah, what do you think I was-“

“Just go pay.” You turn your face up and keep your gaze locked above, fighting back the prickling feeling behind your eyes. A long moment passes as you and Namjoon stand there in the aisle, an awkward silence enveloping the two of you. He breaks first and eventually leaves you to stand there alone, moving towards the cash register.

You release the breath you had been holding and open a freezer door to stick your face in, determined to dry out the wetness growing in your eyes. Counting down from a hundred, you stand there and wait until you were sure your voice wouldn’t shake when you spoke.

Inhale. Exhale.

After picking your head up and closing the freezer door, you grab a random bag of chips and pay for them at the counter. You smile, thank the cashier, collect your change, and walk out to see Namjoon still standing there, waiting for you. He looks like there’s more he would like to say, but you don’t give him the chance before turning and heading in the direction of the station. He catches up easily, your brisk pace no match for his long legs. But thankfully, he decides to keep quiet.

The two of you reach the station after what feels like hours, the silence between you dragging out the seconds. You reach for the door, determined not to get caught outside in another failed conversation with Namjoon, when you catch sight of someone leaning against the brick wall of the police station. Brows furrowing, you pause. Namjoon does too, eyes flitting between you and the person.

“I’m going to stay out here for a second.”

Namjoon glances at you, but concedes, most likely thinking you need a moment alone and were using questioning the poor innocent guy probably just waiting for someone as an excuse. You watch the door swing shut behind him before walking up to darkly clad figure.

“Are you waiting for someone?”

The man’s head rises and at this angle, you can now see under the cap that shaded his face, revealing a small smile.

“Yeah, you can say that.”

The lift of his cheeks and the crinkle of his eyes ring familiar.

“Do I…know you?” It comes out of you in a staccato, hesitant lest this random stranger be only just that.

His smile widens and he turns to fully face you. “Don’t have the best observation skills, do you, detective?”

You squint at him. “How do you know what I am?”

He tilts his head, eyes watching you like a bird in a cage. “In my line of work, I’ve learned to pick out cops from a mile away. Besides, you made it pretty obvious when we met. Picked out the best vantage point in the room to observe everyone, just like someone on a stakeout. I just had to come by and see if my guess about you was right. Settle a bet with myself, you can say.”

A throbbing hum fills your head and you straighten, arms folding over your chest. He mirrors your motions, smile never leaving his face. His gaze unnervingly never left your own and you racked your brain, trying to figure out where you had seen him before.

“C’mon, detective,” he teases, voice lilting, “Surely someone as smart as you can figure it out.”

His teeth appear, pearly white and straight. The motion turns his eyes into crescents and accentuates his high cheekbones, the slope of his nose.

You’re wary to speak, unsure of what the feeling in your head meant, before the realization came crashing back into your mind. “Jay?”

“Bingo!” He laughs and claps his hand onto your shoulder. You’re startled by the action, but if he noticed, he didn’t care. “Though I don’t really answer to that name, I’ll let you call me whatever you’d like.” His grip slides down your arm to the side of your torso and you’re made suddenly aware of the firearm you have sheathed under your jacket. As his hand inches closer, you jerk away like you were burned and take a step back.

“What are you doing here? How did you know where I work?”

He raises his hands up, palms towards you, as if he was calming a nervous animal. “I guess you can say it’s my job to find special things. I’d love to tell you all about it, but I have a meeting to run off to.”

Your head is absolutely pounding now, your vision practically vibrating as you watch him pick his back up off the wall. Panicked, you blurt out, “I’m a cop and I’m telling you to stay here.”

He laughs, the sound hollow in the suddenly deserted street. “We both know that doesn’t mean anything. Besides, this is a very important businessman I can’t keep waiting. Most important in this whole damn city and you know what rich people are like. Think their money can buy our time.” He winks and steps around you to leave, the faint smell of smoke following him.

You’re left frozen for a split second, trying to piece together all of what he said. Then your instinct kicks in and your limbs move, turning to follow him. Your lungs whine in discomfort as your feet pick up into a run before your mind even realizes what was happening, skidding around the corner to chase after the mysterious man. But when you make the turn, he’s nowhere to be seen. The road is empty and there isn’t a soul in sight for blocks. There is only you on the empty sidewalk, soaked in the yellow light of the lamp and an insistent hum in your ears letting you know you’ve found what you’ve been looking for. You spend a moment more standing there before turning back to push open the doors to the station and find your team. The three of them look up at you, cheeks ruddy and mouths stretched in the ghost of a laugh before they catch the determined look on your face.

“I know where he’s going to be tonight.”

e/n: i genuinely enjoyed writing this so much and can’t wait for the next part! come tell me your thoughts :)

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lauren-nabors · 5 years ago

Text

day ??? of quarantine

today is easter sunday, april 12th.

we’ve been quarantined for 26 days. our restaurant’s dining room’s have been closed for 25 days. tensions are high, emotions are flowing, people are feeling all the feels. everyone except me, that is...

i have felt nothing this entire month. i haven’t cried once. i haven’t been all that angry. sure, i’ve been tired and i haven’t slept well and i’ve been bored and frustrated that there isn’t more to do. i was disappointed when our foster care class was canceled. but honestly, i haven’t felt much emotion at all. my anxiety hasn’t skyrocketed. i don’t feel scared. i am not paranoid of the virus or of getting sick (i’ve never been a germaphone anyway so i don’t feel panicky in the way that other people do). i told clif the other day, i keep waiting to cry or to just lose it on someone. i know those emotions are there somewhere under the surface...surely? i don’t know what’s going on. i guess because i feel anxiety all the time in normal life and i always feel like i’m waiting for something bad to happen or for “the other shoe to drop” so to say -- and this is the bad thing, at least for now. so it’s here and maybe it’s not so bad after all for me at least (that feels like a horrible thing to say because it is bad for so many people and so many have lost their lives or their loved ones and in cities like nyc it’s horrendous beyond belief) i’m also a pretty adaptable person so maybe it’s more that this feels like something i can adapt to for the time being and so my role in this is to be that person that keeps moving... and when it’s all over perhaps i’ll crash and burn?

as for other, non-mental-health-related things, since i last posted things changed in our world even more. everything is different as we know it. all non-essential businesses are closed (gyms, spas, clothing stores, etc) and restaurants can still only do carry-out and curbside. our team has continued to adapt well, i am proud of how we’ve handled things. we cut our hours from 7am to 6pm, and then about two weeks ago we cut them even further back to 3pm. it just didn’t make sense to stay open and run the labor clock out when we were so slow. for the most part our customers have been supportive and understanding. we’ve had the occasional angry customer that said “well google says you’re open until 8pm” and it’s like, ‘well sure but this is also a pandemic and everyone is closing early so maybe stop trusting google so much and just expect that things might be different.’

church has been online for us since i last posted. we’ve been doing Redeemer west side live streams, which honestly has been encouraging for my soul to sing old hymns with Tom Jennings and hear our friend Kate from our old community group lead the prayers of the people and to see David Bisgrove’s face each week and have him lead us in the Lord’s Prayer. there’s so much we miss about Redeemer so this is both a source of comfort to us but also creating a longing and an ache that will have consequences for us when this is all over...

we’ve seen very few friends in person but we’ve facetimed with so many that we wouldn’t have ordinarily. brendon & theresa, my college girls, jen & matt a lot, my mom and dad almost everyday. it’s funny but i think i miss my mom more than anything, this is the longest i’ve not seen her since we moved back to this area after nyc. the other night we played a game online with Boyd and Sarah while on Zoom with them. it was lots of fun. Zoom is a thing now... it’s not that important.

of course our president has handled this poorly. he is the absolute worst person you want leading your country in a time like this. he isn’t a leader at all, he’s a petty child who wants all the credit for things he should’ve done anyway. instead of leading, he takes to twitter or tv every chance he can get to say “look what i did! look what i did!” Dr. Fauci, head of infectious diseases for the CDC is leading our country through this. Gov. Andrew Cuomo of NYC has also had a profound impact not just on his state but on our country through his leadership. the situation in the city is so much worse and scarier and more real than it is here. maybe my feelings would be different (emotion-wise) if we still lived in nyc. obviously because of the denseness, the death count is so much higher there. they are building pop-up tent hospitals in central park, and facing real challenges of how to bury all the bodies of those who have passed away from the virus. KFed is a nurse at Mt. Sinai and it’s crazy seeing her photos of her in her protective gear. Brendon told us that no one is taking the subways in the city. he needed some things from his office so he walked from their apartment on 158th to his work in the 20′s. it took him all day. but he didn’t want to risk any contamination and Theresa is now high-risk because she’s pregnant (what the what?!?!?! omg so exciting! praise the Lord!)

people are wearing masks everywhere. there are lines outside of grocery stores because they can only have a certain amount of people in the building at one time. our unemployment count in our country is higher than it’s ever been, higher than during the great depression. the economic fall-out from this will last for years to come. the senate did finally pass a 2T stimulus package called the CARES act. it has some provisions for small businesses to get money that could be forgivable if used on certain things. we applied and got accepted for both restaurants -- we will get money to spend mostly on payroll and some other overhead expenses in 8 weeks once the money is funded. they are also sending a check to every american who made under $130K last year -- so we’re supposedly getting a check sometime for $2400 ($1200 per person and $500 per kid for those families who qualify). hopefully we’ll get some of our staff back to work and extended our hours back to 6, since we won’t have to be as worried about our labor costs being high.

i guess that’s about all i can think to update for now. as for what clif and i have been up to, well... we’ve taken a “cocktail walk” almost everyday. around 4pm we’ve made cocktails and taken them with us as we walk Lenny around the park and say hello to those of our neighbors who are outside, too. the weather has been great so we’ve been very lucky in that regard. we’ve done some yard work and clif has been doing some drawing and lots of bread baking. we’re trying to eat at home 5 nights/week and eat out the other 2. to spread the local love around, we’ve enjoyed Progress burgers, Farmer’s Gastropub, Everyday Thai, Craft Sushi and I think tonight we’ll get either Bambino’s or Los Cabos. i haven’t been doing too much because i’m not a “hobby” person so I don’t do well with stuff like this where you have to stay inside and pass the time. i’ve been reading a lot, that’s about it. here are some photos from the past few weeks:

feeding healthcare workers in partnership with local organizations has been a highlight for us! this is Cox Hospital staff here.

we’ve been selling both bread and flour like crazy. there has been a flour shortage in grocery stores so we’ve sold probably more flour in the last 3 weeks than in the 20 year history of neighbor’s mill.

hot cross buns for easter -- didn’t do hardly what we would’ve normally for a holiday weekend baking-wise but we still had to do these gorgeous buns and some festive cookies and cupcakes.

we were on the front page of the Newsleader as a “small business adapting during the time of COVID” -- we had some blowback from the photo of our bakers shaping dough without gloves on, but all ended well as we took the time to educate and had positive responses from most of our customers

our bread at Price Cutter -- i feel like the poor stock workers were like “screw up, it’s gonna be gone in three hours anyway, let’s just leave it on the dolly”

boredom leads clif to many funny and creative things, though not always useful -- here he made a concrete cup mold

my dad on KY3 for a story about local support of restaurants in Harrison

a quarantine meal when food was low -- let’s see what’s in the fridge!

said game we played with Boyd and Sarah where we had to draw different prompts -- i am a terrible drawer!

afternoon rose and popcorn while Lenny plays and wanders -- we began sitting on the front porch just so we could see anyone walking by on the street and have the chance to chat and be social from a distance

not much has changed with the animals

chalk art outside Cox South main entrance

lol...”i thought you said CLAMdemic” card from Donita

sign we purchased to put in front of our restaurant -- strange times

#COVID19 #coronavirus #quarantine

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blueyesandleatherjacket · 5 years ago

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A Taste Of Christmas, 5/6

Volume: 1.

Number of parts: 5/6.

Pairings: Metacrisis Nine x Rose.

A/N: Sequel for The Summertime Of Our Lives. Written for doctorroseprompts' ficmas challenge. Ficmas challenge: Ornaments, Wreath, Ribbon, Stockings, Rooftop, Earmuffs, Bright. Tagging @thebookster on her demand.

“Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home.” - Carol Nelson.

CHAPTER 5:

The table was covered with papers of different colours, glue sticks, bits of cut papers, cutting shapes, scissors, stickers, paint, Posca and a mix of silver and red flakes. In the middle of this mess, there were ranks of homemade invitation, cards, name tags and menus elegantly ornamented with Christmas themed elements like snowmen made with buttons of different sizes and colours, Christmas trees made with pine needles, pine cones made with bits of cardboards, candy canes made with paper straws. Those were things Tony had never seen in his entire life and he had been more than happy to help his sister crafting these little pieces of art. For him, it meant nothing because he never celebrated Christmas and because it was all new and secret – Pete must never know! – it was an exciting mission for the seven years-old boy. In the middle of this mess, the Doctor found the blonde head of his wife. She had collapsed on her table of work after working really hard on the last details for their upcoming Christmas party. She wanted it all to be perfect and she was pushing herself to exhaustion. The Doctor had already cleaned Tony up and put him to bed. Now it was time for his lovely wife to follow the same path. She was working hard, too hard, for their celebration to be perfect. They could have chosen the emblematic date of December 25 for this because it was in the middle of the week and everyone was working. Instead, they had chosen December 21 and 22. It was in two weeks time so it was important for the invitation cards to be sent as soon as possible or no one would be available. They didn’t have many friends around here, just a handful, but it was more than enough. The Doctor delicately picked Rose up. She protested, opened her eyes but ended up wrapping her arms around his neck and snuggling closer to his chest. He took her to the bedroom and lay her down. He carefully removed all leftovers of her artistic activities from her face and hair. He had always seen Rose as a young woman who was mature and clever for her age. More than other nineteen years old kiddos of her kiddos of her generation. With all the traveling they did and all the dangers they faced, she had grown up faster than she should have. This universe had completed her transformation into a grown-up woman. This was the first time in ages that he was seeing the child in her. Participating in this impossible Christmas revival was making her innocence and childish behaviour resurfacing. He congratulated himself for this idea. He was falling more and more in love with her. As he needed less sleep than a normal human being, he was often pacing around the house and resolving grids of crosswords to keep busy until finally sleep came to him. Tonight, though, he had other projects. As soon as Rose was tucked in bed, he left a note on his pillow and used the wrist device that was formerly Jack’s. He profoundly disliked this device: it was having too nasty effects on the user. However the TARDIS wasn’t ready to travel yet. She still needed to mature. Better give her all the time she needed to be at the best. He was one careless driver and an insatiable traveller. She would see the universe. She would see his family, help with raising his children. That was how he had dreamt his life with Rose once. The house, the human friends, the ‘ordinary’ life were just good bonuses. He was sprawled out on the bed when Rose woke up. All dressed in his signature outfit – jumper, leather jacket, black pants and boots – he had fallen asleep as soon as he had reached the bed. Strangely, he was wearing more colours than usual. These clothes were dark, reflecting the darkness of his soul when they had met and bringing a sort of protection to their owner. They were an homage to all the lost ones he was carrying on his shoulders with the damages of the war he was the only Time Lord to have survived to. Today, they were covered in an elegant mix of pastel and bright colours. On his head was resting a wreath of flowers Rose had only seen once in her life. The device around the Doctor’s wrist confirmed that he had been travelling while she was asleep. But what had he been up to in the galaxy? Why was he covered with flowers? Like he had done for her the night before, she delicately took off his shoes and jacket. She left the flowers on him just for the pleasure of having him waking up later with them and gently mocking him. It was breaking his bad boy appearance, making him look like a soft warrior. The Doctor could have been one of the French soldiers who left fresh and joyful for the first World War had he not already lived the horrors a war could cause to a person, to a population, to a whole planet. He was a warrior recovering from this war that had happened long before they met, a war that would haunt his mind for as long as he would be alive. Flowers were a meagre comfort for the broken man who had a hard time pulling himself back together. Where would he be without her? Who would hold his hand during the dark times? It was a question she still was asking herself. Less now than in the first days of her new life here, but sometimes she caught herself wondering who was holding the hand of the Doctor who was still running for his life. A thought she was keeping for herself not to sadden her Doctor. At least, he had her hand to hold; he had the woman he had always desired. And the Time Lord could make friends with anyone, as annoying as he could get when he was babbling relentlessly and considering the persons, humans or not, facing him like they were completely stupid. But if you were asking for help, he never refused and that made him a great friend. Being friend with such a person wasn’t without risk. You have to be prepared for the worst at any time. This life wasn’t for everyone. Some just couldn’t handle it. Rose had adjusted to this life for the man she had fallen in love with. She went downstairs and cooked breakfast for the two men of the house who weren’t up yet. She had no idea when the Doctor had fallen asleep but Tony was sleeping in. She had never seen him sleep this late on mornings. The sound of his steps on the ground above her proved her wrong. The boy was up and he was coming her way for breakfast. She had put everything down on the table and was making pancakes by the time he joined her in the kitchen with dishevelled hair and a sleepy face. He mumbled a hello and settled down at the table to eat his breakfast and drink his hot chocolate. Rose smiled, ruffled his hair and kissed his head before dropping a couple pancakes in the empty plate beside him and covered them with honey. It was his favourite meal to have on morning. Something the Doctor loved too… if she added bananas that tasted like bananas. “What is it, Rosie?” “Hm?” Rose sat down on the chair next to him for her morning tea. She had sugar and stirred the brewage for a perfect mix of the flavours. Tony was pointing to her tattoo. She was used to it now and didn’t notice it as much as she did before but to Tony, this was new. He hadn’t remarked it sooner. The lines were going from a wrist to the other in elegant lines forming long loops and drawing tight knots. The Doctor was wearing the same tattoos. He had had a harder time to get used to them. Maybe that was why he was wearing the leather jacket again: to avoid people’s looks on him now that he was vulnerable. Just like them all. “That’s a tattoo.” “Cool!” “Mum didn’t find it cool when she has seen,” chuckled Rose. “Dad has one too. That’s a number. He said that the day he met mum but she told me it was bollocks.” It was. Pete had had that tattoo long before their mother came in this universe. He had revealed the meaning of it when she was her prisoner in one of his labs in Torchwood. It was connected to his activities in this huge institution of researches. The Cybermen and Daleks, the Void, they hadn’t been caused only by her original universe. Pete had helped with it and played dumb when everything happened. They all had been fooled by him and she was the only one to see the truth behind his mask. The numbers on his arm indeed were a date. The date of his entry in Torchwood which matched the date he had met Jackie in the other world. “The Doctor and I are married,” explained Rose. “We did a hand-fastening marriage this summer and instead of wearing wedding rings, we chose to have the ribbons of love tattooed on our arms.” “The Doctor has them too?” “Yep,” replied the hoarse sleepy voice of the concerned man. He had swapped his jumper for a T-shirt and I kept his pants and socks. His short sleeves revealed the lines tattooed on his arms. The exact same lines as Rose. He stuck his arms together for the pattern to be complete and Tony was amazed by the complexity and beauty of the arabesques forming the ribbons. He could have had them off in some planet in the far future but he had chosen to keep them. They were the symbol of his love and marriage with Rose and he was growing quite fond of them. “We can get married with tattoos?” “Not really. There’s a ceremony called hand-fastening. The engaged couple brings ribbons made with fabric that have a special meaning to the both of them. A qualified and close person to you tells the story of the hand-fastening and what it means to the engaged couple. You face your loved one, gather the ribbons and take the hands of their hands. Your right hand takes their left on and your left takes their right one so your arms are forming a sort of eight or an infinite sign. The person you’ve chosen to marry you fastens the ribbons around your joined hands and tie them with a nice knot. You say your vows and the ceremony is over.” “But the tattoos?” “There are married couples that feel the need to exchange gifts that were very personal and dear to them to symbolise their love and trust. Others choose to have bond tattooed for everyone to see their love. Or simply as a reminder of their bond. Rose loved the tattoo idea so we’ve picked it and it’s fantastic to see that our marriage wasn’t just a dream.” The Doctor walked over to Rose and dropped a kiss on her lips. Tony had a wide smile. It made him so happy to be surrounded by so much warm love. He giggled when the Doctor ruffled his hair and tickled him. But he was so intrigued by what he whispered in his ear that he finished his breakfast and ran in the living room. Rose raised an eyebrow, the Doctor shrugged innocently and Tony squealed happily. Rose was intrigued so she went in the living room and there, she understood: in the night, the Doctor had built a fake chimney and had hung Christmas stockings on the mantel. There were one for each one of them and one for their friends. who were invited to their party. Every stockings was filled with chocolate and crackers and candy canes. Everything to make this first Christmas here even better. She threw herself in the Doctor’s arms. He really was fantastic. “Oh, Rosie, it’s snowing!” Tony put the stockings back on the chimney and ran to the closest window to watch the white flakes fall from the sky. Snow for Christmas, long time it hadn’t happened in their original universe. Thankfully global warming didn’t exist in this world. Somehow, they had managed to protect it for the future generations. As if anyone wanted to conceive and raise children in this full scary world. And since they were in a small quiet town, away from the big cities, the skies were as clear as they could be, offering them an impressive cover of shining stars to observe.an activity that the Doctor loved doing when was sitting in front of the patio door. When the night came, he chose to watch the stars with his little family: his wife and brother-in-law. But changing a habit had a certain price and he hadn’t seen it coming. The stars were brighter than usual that night and watching them from inside the house was lessening this beautiful brightness. The Doctor wanted to climb in the rooftop but Rose firmly refused. It was too dangerous. She allowed him to watch them from outside on the condition that he was dressing up to face the cold. He ended up muffled up in a warm coat and scarf and gloves but also a pair of earmuffs he was sulking about. Rose had insisting on the fact she loved his big ears the way they were and didn’t want them to suffer from the cold. She won the battle obviously and he soon forgot the argument-that-wasn’t-really-an-argument. Standing in the snow and holding the hand of his wife while speaking about the stars he knew to Tony was better than sulking about stupid earmuffs that indeed were keeping his ears warm for Rose to sexily nibble them later…

To be continued...

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#doctor who #doctorroseprompts #ninth doctor #metacrisis ninth doctor #rose tyler #doctor x rose #prompt fulfilment #31 days of ficmas #a taste of christmas

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acaseforpencils · 5 years ago

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Mary Lawton.

Bio: I was born on Long Island, New York in 1958, and loved drawing and making art since I was pretty young. I remember really loving Rat Fink, the anti-hero of Mickey Mouse, and tracing pictures of him. I even had a plastic Rat Fink ring when I was eight. I am the youngest of a very loud and raucous group of six siblings who always encouraged me to make art. My parents were my biggest fans, they would parade their friends through my bedroom to show them the murals I drew on my walls. I read MAD and National Lampoon with a fervor, and I still remember some of the insanely hilarious cartoons I saw in those magazines, although Alfred E. Newman's face gave me nightmares. After backpacking in Europe for a while after high school, I moved to Boston in 1979, and became friends with a bunch of artists, some of them cartoonists and animators. We were all enamored of Lynda Barry and Matt Groening, who were bursting on to the alternative comics scene at the time. I devoured their comics, and also loved Roz Chast, B Kliban, William Steig, Mary Fleener, Gahan Wilson, and many others. I knew that I wanted to do what they were doing.

Find this print, here!

I was drawing very primitive, autobiographical strips about my childhood at that time. I sent them out to magazines and newspapers and they began to get published. It was a nice time to be an 'alt' cartoonist as there were so many markets and the pay was great. I also loved cooking, so I worked in restaurants during the day to make a living, and drew in my little bedroom/studio at night. After ten years cooking and cartooning, I left Boston in 1989, moved to Manhattan, and worked at Chelsea Animation, an ink-and-paint studio on 23rd Street. Working there with a great group of like-minded artists was like going to a party every day. Non-stop hilarity. We all sat over our light tables wearing white cotton gloves, painting cels of all sorts of commercial animated films. At that time I took a few classes at the School of Visual Arts at night.

Since then, my art has been in many magazines and newspapers, books, greeting cards, museums and galleries, and I've done a gazillion commissions. In the 1980's I sent samples of my cartoons to William Steig for his advice, because I just loved his drawings and books. He became my friend and mentor, and always encouraged me to send to The New Yorker. I did this for nearly thirty years and finally got one accepted in 2017. I have sold several to The New Yorker online, and a few more in their hard copy magazine. Around the same time, I was invited to join Six Chix, a comic strip by six women, a different one each day of the week, syndicated with King Features. It was created in 2000 by Jay Kennedy, the masterful editor at King, who died tragically in 2007. Mine is the Thursday comic, and every six weeks I draw a Sunday. I love being part of this group of women cartoonists!

I have saved all of the rejection slips I got since I started sending out my cartoons in the early 1980's. They are in an album that now weighs 4.5 lbs. It's my reminder to never give up, to just keep returning to my work table. Persistence pays.

Favorite cartoon: I think my favorite cartoon that I have had published in the New Yorker magazine is my very first [editor’s note: the cartoon at the beginning of the interview], because it was so dang thrilling to finally be in that magazine. I happened to be in New York the week it appeared in print. On my way back home to Texas, as my plane flew over Manhattan at night I looked down at those lights below and I felt like I had really made it. It was a dream come true! Also, since it was an airplane cartoon, I shared it with the flight attendants, who all got a good laugh, and they brought me a glass of champagne. Later that year I was part of the Funny Ladies exhibit at the Society of Illustrators in New York. Liza Donnelly was so kind to invite me to be in the show. To be there on opening night and to meet Emma Allen and the cartoonists that I have admired for so long, felt like being at The Academy Awards. Only better.

I really love to draw political cartoons, so I'm also proud of the ones that have made it into The New Yorker Daily Cartoon.

Tools: I drew with Rapidograph pens for many years. I switched to dip pens, which I enjoy depending on the paper. Lumpy or textured paper, ugh. Smooth paper, and it's perfect. I practiced using the dip pen by doing calligraphy for a long time, with lots of different nib sizes and shapes. At the moment I use Pigma Graphic in all sizes, but they are disposable, so I'm on the hunt for a new reusable pen so I don't add to the land fill. I sketch out cartoons in pencil most of the time, then ink in. I love Arches papers, and use them for finishes and gouache paintings. Or Bristol paper. I buy big sheets and cut them up. But every day, I use a lot of printer paper for roughs. The pencils I mostly use are the Faber Castell 9000, in a 3 or 4 B. I also love Ticonderoga pencils, not only for their beautiful name but they feel perfect on Boise all-purpose printer paper. I love paint brushes of all kinds. I use gouache every day. It took me many years to learn about gouache, to finally get how it works. It's complicated because of its soluble nature. I looked at instructional videos on Youtube, and got the hang of it. I use black gouache for my washes, and Titanium White right out of the tube for covering up mistakes, or all sorts of highlights. My old work lamp has a long arm so I can move the light all over my table, which is really handy.

Tools I wish I used better: Sketchbooks! That seems odd, but it's true. My sketchbooks are very messy, and not something I'm proud of, or want to save and look back on. I have seen beautiful sketchbooks which are themselves art pieces, but it's not my style! I mostly want to toss them into the recycle bin once they are full. Also, I wish I could use computer drawing tools.

Tool I wish existed: Can't think of one.

Tricks: I don't look at social media much, and I think that helps my creativity, and certainly gives me more time to do stuff.

Misc: I have three big-time men in my life, my husband and my two sons. Four, if you count my dog Buddy. All bring me a ton of joy. I've lived in Texas for 25 years, and I encourage visitors! We always like to show folks the Texas we know and love.

Website, etc:

Instagram

newyorker.com

sixchixcomics.com

funnytimes.com

narrativemagazine.com

thenib.com

Editor’s Note: If you enjoy this blog, and would like to contribute to labor and maintenance costs, there is a Patreon, and if you’d like to buy me a cup of coffee, there is a Ko-Fi account as well! I do this blog for free, and your support helps a lot! You can also find more posts about art supplies on Case’s Instagram and Twitter! Thank you!

#mary lawton #how to be a cartoonist #mary lawton cartoonist #artists on tumblr #art supplies #drawing process #art process #cartoons #cartooning

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lightlorn · 5 years ago

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Ship bias for your KH Muses! :D

i am a flawed human being. ll accepting.

Aqua:

Terraqua. This ship is part of the reason I kept crying so hard in KH3, now catch me admitting that on the internet. I love the way they are there for each other in spite of their stark differences, and that they have a lot of unexplored, threadable area in both their coming of age and post-KH3 timelines. Plus any ship I can draw a parallel between my fandom otp and another ship is a good ship.

Xemqua. Nomura was setting something up here and he dropped the ball and I will not take that lying down. You’re telling me they don’t even so much as look at each other during the DLC? Dishonorable, Nomura, truly despicable. There’s so much to work with there, what with the armor and the way you can read a lot of Xemnas’ closest allies in the Org being answers to Terra’s inner circle. If Nomura won’t give me their story, then I’ll write it with a partner.

Aqua/Larxene. There’s basically no other adult women in this series and I am a simple dyke seeking the wlw. I think it would make a fantastic opposites attract cliche with the added bonus of someone that won’t take Larxene’s attitude lying down while simultaneously being able to match her step for step. The Taming of the Nymph, coming soon to an AU near you.

Eraqus:

Xehaqus. This is my end all, be all OTP for the fandom. I have spent almost 100 dollars overall at cons commissioning art of these idiots. They are my phone background and lockscreen. I have an entire fic in my head of their apprentice days and frankly if Dark Road does not live up to the relationship development I have hyped up in my head I will go canon divergent. These fuckers are beautiful and heartbreaking and awful and wonderful and I love them. Bring me all the Xehaqus.

That’s it. I’m so disappointing. I have like one or two OC for him ships and I mean whatever happens in RP happens if relationships develop but oh my God. Xehaqus consumes me.

Invi:

Real talk my Invi is a lesbian and my take on the Foretellers is that she sees them all as her siblings underneath all of her posturing that it’s nothing personal, so I don’t even know what the fandom ships for her are. I’m not even sure who is available to ship with her. Throw whatever of age lady muses you have at her, mutuals, and let’s see where this goes.

Isa:

Isalea. Akusai is also good, but there’s something about their life together after the war ends when they are trying to rebuild and find everything they lost that speaks to my soul. I would never say that if I see an Axel/Lea it’s ‘on sight’ shipping because that’s shitty, but I will say I am that Saix/Isa that is always down to discuss your take on their dynamic and see what we can cobble together.

Xemsai. This will never be a healthy ship, I think, based on the fact my Saix is as likely to use his alleged loyalty and affection to try and get some form of control over his Superior, but there’s a lot that could be fleshed out here. Whatever heart he grows will always belong to his oldest friend, but he will do whatever it takes to see his ambitions fulfilled. He’s trying to use the creature that has used him for over a decade. God. The potential.

Xigsai. By the same card as above, I think if Saix clued into Xigbar being more than simply a bombastic menace, he could try and pull the same using sex and false loyalty to obfuscate his true means on Xigbar. The difference being that Xigbar is, at heart, far more deadly and aware than Xemnas is when it comes to the bigger picture. It’d be Saix putting himself in the mouth of the beast willingly, and not expecting how deeply those teeth can cut when they snap shut on him.

Roxas:

Full disclaimer: I am 25 years old and fleshing out the romantic drama of a teenage boy is not something that super interests me. That said, I do like the concept of Roxas and his brand new heart forming all kinds of bonds, and him eventually starting to register feelings beyond the platonic for certain people. So as far as character development goes, i can see him taking interest in the following:

Hayner. There’s something so coming of age adolescent aggression as a front for latent or closeted affection about them in the simulation, and in the real world they have endless potential. I think Roxas could definitely feel safe enough around Hayner to have something more develop feelings wise. Also Hayner has muscles and that makes Roxas 404 error sometimes regardless of shipping, just as a general Roxas thing.

Xion. It’s a cliche, to be sure, but depending on the Xion and their development, I can see Roxas starting to feel more at home in her presence after they’ve had time to heal and become their own people. This isn’t an on sight shipping thing, and in fact I am super selective about this even while shipping it, but there’s groundwork for a good dynamic and a sort of reunion between them as whole people who come to appreciate each other as more than their initial, shallow idea of friends.

Namine. Was not super hip on this as a kid, especially when I was less discriminating in my Xion tastes, but as an adult I can appreciate their bond. They have a lot of the same trauma in terms of being dehumanized and used by two separate factions in setting, and the two take a lot of risks for one another within the data Twilight Town. I think there’s something to be said for them both to have irrevocable individuality and come together and develop as more than friends over the years.

Riku. Is it trashy? Yes. Is Roxas still tied to Sora somehow? Yes. Would it be hilarious to see Roxas turn a would-be rivalry into accidental flirtation because he’s confused about his feelings? Yes. Riku just standing there suffering while Roxas demands they engage in a passionate battle of lips -- WITS. I don’t even know how serious I am in shipping this, but Riku being Roxas’ emotional training wheels amuses me.

Aaaaand you can’t really have biases for an OC because at that point anything with plot potential, chemistry, and aligning sexualities goes so instead I am just going to shout out Kokoro’s established ships + the muns for being so good to my little mary sue.

Xemkoro/Foxhole. I don’t know how me dipping my toe in the water of shipping with Lucky by saying ‘hey my OC and your Xem could have a cool dynamic’ became like... my entire shipping brand, but here we are. Their entire dynamic breaks me, the way Xemnas is clinging to a past that he wants so badly to have been a part of while Kokoro can’t afford to look back anymore, working too hard to meet future goals is... Everything. Especially in the fact she regards him as a person without hesitation or knowing how much that will come to mean to him. There’s so many layers to them, and they truly work to earn their happy ending, and that is everything to me. Here’s to successful risks and their payoff.

Aquoro. Everything my gay little heart ever wanted: the dichotomy of childhood romantic friendship giving way to adolescent rivalry and a shell of what your relationship used to be that appears so often between girls. That they also represent the Responsible Daughter and Rebel Daughter in Kokoro’s secondary verse, furthering the gulf between them as Aqua continues to follow the Master’s teachings where Kokoro embraces her own ideas about what Eraqus preached is... Chef’s Kiss... And through it all, it’s still Aqua that Kokoro wants to find the most, the one for whom her heart breaks the hardest when she sees what became of her. I owe Lucky my life for giving me this phenomenal wlw content.

Koterra. Kleffy does spoil me. The difference between what Terra dreamed of as a boy and what their reality became, where she is instead his knight and protector while he calls the shots as part of reclaiming his identity is perfect. The way they grow from teenage misunderstandings and dick moves into adults that have a touch more kindness for one another is also good, because it’s all about the character development. Their bond is strong and their support for one another immeasurable. I am heterosexual for one (1) ship. All because Kleffy came up with it on the spot and then put in the effort to make it work, God bless em.

#shipbias;#kcystotheheart

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tuntematonkorppi · 6 years ago

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hey :) how about: 2, 7, 8 (talk about new projects, pls!), 11, 12, 17, 25? :)

2. what’s your favorite game to play at sleepovers?

well i wasn’t a popular kid (surprise surprise) so i wasn’t really invited at sleepovers. i had sleepovers at my best friend’s but it was mostly us making music and watching movies.

7. what weird, irrational fears did you have as a kid?

i was a pretty fearless kid. the irrational stuff came later when i was a teen. mostly it’s still the same stuff i’m still afraid of today: going away from my house and coming back and it has burned down because of bad electricity or some shit like that.

8. do you have any tattoos or piercings? (+bonus new projects)

alright so

piercings: i have both my lobes stretched (been that way for ten years holy shit), two more lobe piercings on my left ear and one on my right, plus the industrial piercing on my left ear and i also have two nose rings in my right nostril.

i used to have a lip piercing and two nipple piercings but i had to remove them.

i want to get a conch in my right ear but then i remember the healing period of my industrial piercing was crazy and i think i’m gonna stay away from cartilage piercings for now. but it could change tomorrow idk i function on impulsivity.

i’m also debating expanding my stretched lobes.

tattoos:

- a demon-looking dinosaur with gas masks on each feet- the winter soldier star on the inside of my right ankle (self tattooed)- a work in aurebesh on the side of my left calf (self tattooed)- an old school sailor girl with green tentacles for arms on my right calf- a ouija planchette on my right thigh- a geometric mandala on my solar plexus- a sacred heart with the word hope underneath it on my sternum- a bird designed by mike mignola on the right side of my chest- two ravens on my shoulderblades - a knuckle duster on the front of my right shoulder- a kabar knife inside my right arm- an axe, a baseball bat crossed with a crowbar with the words “go on, hurt it” around it and a stiletto knife on my right arm- three black bands of varying width on my right wrist- a berber inspired bird on the middle finger of my right hand (self tattooed)- a legend of korra inspired mandala around my left shoulder- two pazyryks deers, a poem by my sister, a square cross and yggdrasil on my left arm- the name of my best friend inside my left elbow- cernunnos on the outside of my left elbow

now for the new projects:- i’m getting a bear trap around my right elbow in april- i’m working on a companion for my octopus-woman to go on my left calf: either a sailor with a shark head smoking a pipe or a sailor with crab arms smoking a pipe- a composition inspired by my trip to finland and my friends there (location to be determined according to the design i end up doing)- a tarot card by the same dude you did the ouija planchette probably on my ribs in may- a giant collaboration between two of my artists that would go from my left ribs to my left knee- the arabic calligraphy of the names of my sisters and mine done by my great uncle, probably around my right forearm- a spider on the back of my neck

and that’s all for now but you never know, in two days one of my artists could post a flash i like and get it tattooed on me the week after that.

11. what posters, pictures, etc do you have hanging on your wall?

holy shit SO MANY STUFF.

hallway:- a post card by Mucha- a linocut i did in art school- a dry red rose- two print by Lloyd Stratton- a linocut made by a friend- an embroidery made by @sorrowingsoldier- a map of the world where you can scratch out the place you’ve already been to

kitchen:- a poster with cocktail recipes

living room:- several linocut by friends- paintings by me- several paintings/drawings by friends- an old map of the world with gold applique- prints by Kazisvet- portrait of patti smith- a small painting i found in the streets in berlin- a linocut by me- a poster of the ghost stories tour by welcome to night vale- an african wooden sculpture my dad brought me back from Konakry- an embroidery by syd- a lebanese painting- some framed arabic calligraphy- various pictures and art i cut from magazines- a poster from an exhibition from when i was in art school- a mirror- two giant star wars posters that make it look like han solo and chewbacca are rock stars

bedroom:- 2 embroideries by syd- various paintings by me in various states of completion- rogue one prints- a montana car plate- various pictures of my grand parents and great-grand parents (and my great great grandmother)- pictures from new york my grandma took in the 50s- another portrait of patti smith- prints by tattoo artists i love- stuff i cut from magazines- my necklaces- the wrapper of a south african chocolate bar with an oppossum drinking coffee on it- a post card sent by phil- a mirror- a picture of my family as cowboys from when we were in deadwood

12. post the 35th picture in your camera roll.

i don’t have anything in my camera roll on my phone so here’s the 35th pictures of the camera roll of my laptop

i was in grad school at the time. fun times (not).

17. what’s your favorite vegetable?

spinach or eggplant.

25. what’s your favorite story to tell people?

depends on the people? but i like telling the story of how last july we created a play in one month, staged it in two weeks and a half, how it was 80% in french and one of our two actresses was american and didn’t know french so i phonetically taught her her lines and we fooled our audience into thinking she was fluent in french. we spent one week in residency in bretagne next to the sea and we drank a lot of wine and it was fucking great.

thanks!!!

#replies #long post #kikidiesunddas

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almaasi · 6 years ago

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GISHWHES 2017 List Of Items

Yes, this archive post is a whole year late. Don’t judge me.

In 2017 the hunt ran from August 5th to the 12th, and winners went to Hawaii with Misha. (Misha scared everyone by implying it was The Last Ever Hunt, when it was actually just rebranding.) Under the cut: The entire item list from 2017, including item numbers, point values, and deleted items.

[ see also: 2011 list // 2012 list // 2013 list // 2014 list // 2015 list // 2016 list ]

Disclaimer: I am not personally affiliated with Misha Collins or any of the organisers of GISHWHES. This blog post is not official. And yes, I am allowed to post it.

#1 / PHOTO / 66 POINTS / Do you live near (or within a fun road trip’s length of) some sand dunes or a beach? If so, the time has come to fulfill your destiny. Make a massive portrait (must be larger than 20 square meters - the larger the better) of either someone who inspires you, or a message of hope beautifully written in sand. Use a drone to capture footage, if helpful. Make sure you are not working on protected or ecologically sensitive dunes.

#2 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 20 POINTS / There was a hobby or talent that you used to do when you were younger that you stopped doing for whatever reason. Do it again. Now.

#3 / PHOTO / 52 POINTS / Pancake art has come a long way, and the art form doesn’t get the respect it deserves. Let’s see pancake art of Guernica, Judith Slaying Holofernes, The Weeping Woman, anything by Hieronymus Bosch., or another famous work. (You may not do the Mona Lisa or anything abstract.)

#4 / PHOTO / 62 POINTS / As anyone who reads “Cosmopolitan” magazine knows, bohemian eco-chic weddings are all the rage. Let’s see a wedding dress made from recycled office paper.

#5 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 42 POINTS / Nobody likes elevator music in an elevator - unless it’s flute or pan flute music played by a wood nymph. (We must see unsuspecting passengers in the elevator with the wood nymph.)

#6 / VIDEO / 19 POINTS / Re-enact the experience of your birth, using (only) shadow puppets.

#7 / VIDEO / 44 POINTS / (Up to 2 minutes.) You love your grandparents, or your great-grandparents, but you've never heard their stories. Get one of them to tell you about the two most transformative experiences of their early life, before they turned 30. These must be experiences that shaped them into the people they are today. They may be difficult situations or lucky ones, but they must be transformative. Subject(s) must be more than 80 years old.

#8 / PHOTO / 82 POINTS / The year is 2021. Of all the unique and amazing human specimens on Earth, it was hard for the aliens to choose which ones to collect, but your team stood out as being excessively weird & worth “analysis". Your entire team was abducted and put into an alien specimen box. In grid form, show each member of your team along with a card explaining where they got you (city, country) and a word stating what special characteristic makes you unique.

#9 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / I can assure you, THAT has never been frozen in jello before! How did you manage to do that?!

#10 / PHOTO / 51 POINTS / Pizza was invented in Italy in 997 AD to honor the Queen Consort, Queen Margherita. The next significant event in Italian history was the start of the Renaissance Period in the 14th century, which spawned a revival in art, architecture, science and learning. Let’s celebrate these two seminal moments in Italian history. Bake a Pizza decorated as a Renaissance painting that would make the Old Masters proud.

#11 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 82 POINTS / There are many old ghost towns (Note that Little Beaver Town on the list has been leveled. We're not sure what happened to the ghosts but they may be smaller/flatter) around the world. I’ve been told, however, that almost all of these are fake and do not contain real ghosts. I refuse to believe this. Help me prove them wrong. Let’s see ghosts (at least 6) doing typical small-town activities (shopping, dropping stuff off in the mailbox, porch sitting, walking ghost dogs, as crossing guards and school kids, etc.) in one of the actual ghost towns at the link above (or in another legitimately publicized ghost town). Provide a caption to your image or video with the name of the ghost town , and the State or Province and Country you’re in.

#12 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / Many of us have lost pets in our lifetime. As a memorial to a loved pet that is now frolicking in the clouds chasing or sniffing whatever it was that pet liked to chase/sniff, write a poem or haiku about that loved one, or create a small shrine in nature comprised of items the pet loved and a photo of him or her.

#13 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / (Side by side) A child drawing of their idea of happiness. Then, make it happen.

#14 / PHOTO / 48 POINTS / Over the years gishwhes has always been a supporter of first responders (firemen, paramedics, ER medics, nurses, police, etc.). Let’s give them one last treatment of a proper gishwhes “THANK YOU!” Find your nearest and dearest first responders and bring them The Most Epic Cookies or Pastries the World Has Ever Seen (MECOPWHES).

#15 / PHOTO / 23 POINTS / Groucho Marx a piece of fruit. No, we don’t know what this means either, but we’re excited to see what you come up with.

#16 / VIDEO / 29 POINTS / (Up to 2 minutes.) Take your parent back to the place where they lived when they were 10. Find someone they knew from then and ask them to recall a shared memory.

#17 / PHOTO / 69 POINTS / Spicy Art! Using the spices you have in your spice cupboard, make a picture of your favorite (1) comic book cover, or (2) cartoon character. Either submit it alone, or as a side-by-side image comparison.

#18 / PHOTO / 63 POINTS / Create or provide “gishwhes” welcome blankets (if it’s cold) or cold water and snacks (if it’s hot) for newly arriving immigrants… anywhere on the planet. Here’s some inspiration for you.

#19 / PHOTO / 38 POINTS / (Side-by-side image) A photo of your pet and a photo of the portrait of your pet that you have made from their own food and treats.

#20 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / This family’s toys get into sweet, crazy escapades at night while the kids are sleeping. Your family’s toys make that family’s toys look like do-gooders. Let’s see what happened with your family’s toys while you slept last night.

#21 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 41 POINTS / Let’s see the world famous once-every-3000-years “Spectral Olympics”.

#22 / PHOTO / 50 POINTS / We finally have a confirmed sighting of a mythical beast from urban legends (Bigfoot, Nessie, Yeti, etc.) suffering the effects of climate change.

#23 / PHOTO / 39 POINTS / This morning, my daughter, Maison reported having seen a “moon fairy” while I was sleeping last night. As you know, the rarely-seen moon fairies are mischievous, nocturnal creatures who participate in synchronized, representational flight. Using a long exposure and flashlights (or other movable light sources) photograph these elusive beasts.

#24 / PHOTO / 43 POINTS / She wore a raspberry beret… Wear a beret made out of raspberries as you shop in a second-hand store.

#25 / PHOTO / 56 POINTS / Wombat poop is shaped like little bricks. Sounds like the perfect building material for a tiny house! Show us! If we can figure out the architectural style you chose from your structure - bonus points! You’ll probably have to go to a local zoo to ask for collections of this building material. Enjoy your visit while you’re there. Your image must contain a caption that shares a little known fact about wombats.

#26 / VIDEO / 101 POINTS / (Create an old-school STOP MOTION film - up to 1 minute.) A Romeo and Juliet story... Two young virile socks (unmatched) meeting, falling in love, being kept apart and finally ending tragically.

#27 / PHOTO / 48 POINTS / The Internet has brought us all closer together, so this should be really easy: find someone from one of the 10 smallest countries in the world. Have them send you a forced perspective photo of something very small that makes that object look huge in front of a famous public landmark or historical site in that country. Caption the photo with “Big things happen in the tiny nation of [insert country name].” Teams may not share submissions with other teams, so make sure your tiny country helper isn’t helping someone else.

#28 / PHOTO / 58 POINTS / Finger-painting is often thought of as unsophisticated and associated with preschool. But we know it can be deployed for much loftier purposes. Prove the art historians and elitists wrong by finger painting a sophisticated mural with complex messaging about an important global issue on the wall of a classroom. You may want to get a pre-schooler or two to help just to make sure you’re doing it right!

#29 / PHOTO / 37 POINTS / It is either winter or summer where you are. (If it is not, please contact our support so we can send NASA to find you.) There’s something you love to do outdoors in the winter or summer where you live. Do the activity you love to do in the opposite season that you are in.

#30 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! NEW LEASH ON LIFE USA adopts otherwise unadoptable dogs and sends them through a unique training program. Shelter pets rarely get any attention and millions are put down each year. Many times this can be avoided if people on the Interwebs (who would like and could responsibly own a pet) were to see how cute, available, lonely and cuddly they are. Let’s save a pet or two (or thousands). Grab a friend or two and visit a shelter. Spend some time with one or more of the pets there. Post a selfie of your favorite pet looking for a “forever home” on Twitter (tagging @NewLeashUSA) or Instagram (tagging @NewLeashOnLifeUSA), using hashtag #adoptmeplease, and the social media handle or name of the shelter (so people can contact them). Submit the image you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post link in the comment field of the submit page. // UPDATED: Updated tags and social accounts. (Original said “on Twitter or Instagram, tagging @NewLeashUSA”.)

#31 / PHOTO / 44 POINTS / You’ll find all you need to complete this item here: https://yung.cloud/index.php?a=track&id=29451

#32 / PHOTO / 50 POINTS / Visit a local bakery or food market. Get them to donate still-edible items to a women’s shelter. Speak to the women’s shelter first to make sure they will accept donations like this. Submit an image of you at the women’s shelter donating the food items. // UPDATE NOTE: Please don't take images that include any of the residents in the background out of respect to their safety & privacy.

#33 / PHOTO / 73 POINTS / From @gishwhes twitter feed: Everyone knows the most ticklish parts of planes are on the undersides of the wings (or "wing pits", to use proper aircraft terminology). Let’s see the wing pits on a full-sized airplane. You can go true bohemian, decorative, or high and tight groomer - but it must really look like (or be) hair to count.

#34 / PHOTO / 89 POINTS / As this is likely the last year of gishwhes we should probably do something to memorialize it. A lot of folks have been saying, “Save gishwhes!” But we say, “Shave “gishwhes”... into the back of your head.” Try to match the amazing logo that Olivia Desianti formed way back when - which we still use today. Bonus points if you include the current or a former gishwhes hybrid mascot in your masterpiece. The same design shaved into a thick matt of back or chest hair would be an acceptable substitute.

#35 / PHOTO / 44 POINTS / Hand a bouquet of flowers (or a single flower) to a person leaving a house of worship that is not your religion. For example, if you are a Christian, you could hand a bouquet of flowers to someone leaving a mosque. If you’re Jewish, hand flowers to someone at a Christian church, etc. With the flowers, attach a note saying something in your own words, but to the effect of: “I may not worship in the same building as you, and I may not pray to the same prophets, but I am grateful to be sharing this planet with you in peace.”

#36 / PHOTO / 23 POINTS / The dewey decimal system has long been responsible for keeping good books apart— books that clearly deserve to spend a life together on library shelves. For that matter, it seems so many libraries go out of their way to keep perfectly good literary companions apart as they separate fact from fiction, biography from archaeology, science fiction from politics. Be the matchmaker literature needs and get creative at your local library or bookstore. Show the spines of at least six books together in a library or bookstore (the more titles the better) the titles of which create the perfect oxymoronic sentence or phrase. - Monica Duff

#37 / PHOTO / 92 POINTS / No one talks about the fact that the destruction of the Death Star put thousands of Stormtroopers out of work. Luckily the Empire has a pretty robust social safety net and most of them have been retrained and placed in new jobs, the majority of which have been in the transportation sector. Let’s see a stormtrooper driving/flying a large passenger vehicle. Must be for mass transit, not just a car or a van. A subway, train, bus, ferry, plane, etc.

#38 / PHOTO / 43 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Pick a celebrity social media image post (or an advertisement) and recreate it with a subtle twist like Celeste Barber does here. Tweet, Instagram or FB post your image side-by-side with the original image, “#embracereality @gishwhes” and your team name. (You may also tag or mention the celebrity or brand you are satirizing.) Submit the image you take side-by-side with the original one, but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page.

#39 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / You’ve heard of Cabbage Patch Kids, Garbage Pail Kids, and the Pacific Garbage patch. Let’s see a Great Pacific Garbage Patch Kid, (a cabbage-patch kid made from garbage you pick up from your local beach or lakefront), complete with adoption certificate.

#40 / VIDEO / 51 POINTS / (Up to 30 seconds.) THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT!. Have a full church choir sing Carry on My Wayward Son while wearing dental cheek retractors. Please make sure that the video shows some of the singers’ faces up close. Then, share the video via twitter with the band Kansas (@kansasband) with @mishacollins @gishwhes.” Submit the video on our site but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page. - Nicki Bentley-Colthart

#41 / PHOTO / 21 POINTS / Show us your own personal “Stairway to Heaven” -Dylan Cacador

#42 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 48 POINTS / You ever heard of “pond dipping”? “river bugging”? Neither have we - but let’s not let that stop us. Invent and show off your own *SAFE* summer wet, wild and messy activity and caption it with a clever name.

#43 / PHOTO / 39 POINTS / Never judge a book by its cover… or bread by its shape. Bake bread or cookies into the shape of something you would DEFINITELY not want to eat. (We hate to have to say this every year, but pornographic pastries will result in docked points.)

#44 / VIDEO / 56 POINTS / (Time-lapse up to 20 seconds.) A snail (or similarly VERY slow insect or worm) crossing a path or going up a wall. Put or stick objects in its path so it has to change directions multiple times. Then have it go through some “winner” gates at the end of its arduous trek. To make it a gripping adventure, you’ve dropped frames and turned this into a fast-paced adventure and set it to 1980s video game music, complete with a grand finale sound at the end when it makes it through the gates.

#45/ PHOTO / 72 POINTS / You may not be aware, but leather-clad, tattoo-covered biker clubs love to hang out and play in those inflatable bouncy castles. Catch them in the act!

#46 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / THE FINAL “KALE” ART. (Please note that per Commandment #4 of the 2017 Hunt, this word and material as a Hunt item is not permitted. We are aware of this. That being said, we do not care. You still may not use the word “kale”. Henceforth, it shall be called [REDACTED] BUT you may use it as a material for this item.) Therefore, take a SINGLE glorious piece of [REDACTED] and, using whatever adornments or other decoratives, clipping patterns, etc., create a stunning, museum worthy piece of art that shall then be showcased (and submitted as such) as an ornamental headpiece on you.

#47 / PHOTO / 63 POINTS / Your strict neighborhood HOA (Homeowners’ Association) got replaced by a better HOA: the Hopeful Optimist’s Association. They’ve decided that your lawn isn’t quite up to regulations. Get your front yard up to snuff by building a large-scale, jaw-dropping sculpture or structure dedicated to Hope. Make it so magnificent that motorists backup & park to gaze at its beauty. (Conversely, it could be that YOUR neighborhood HOA got replaced by the Horrible Organization for Awfulness... You get where we're going with this, right?)

#48 / PHOTO / 48 POINTS / As most people know, roosters enjoy a good sunrise. But other farm animals enjoy sunrises and sunsets, too. Let's see a photo of you, some friends or companions (such as your dog), and a sheep, horse, cow, or other non-rooster barnyard animal, watching the sun rise or set together. Bonus points if the spectacular skies are reflected in water in front of you.

#49 / PHOTO / 37 POINTS / There’s something important that your local or national politicians are not attending to properly. Stand in front of something that represents the issue/right/minority group/etc. that you care about and that your politicians are not adequately protecting and hold a large, hand-written sign with a message to the powers that be. Tweet this image to an elected official with the power to do something to help tagged “#gishwhesrights”. Submit the image and a link to your tweet in the comments.

#50 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 51 POINTS / Have too much of a good thing, by which we mean a cream-filled balloon the size of a volley ball. Volley, volley, spike! Play a game of volleyball with it in the middle of a busy plaza.

#51 / PHOTO / 47 POINTS / Anyone who serves in the military is risking their life to serve their nation. Being respectful to not trespass on military grounds, stand in front of a large military craft, ship, tank, or plane with an inclusive sign of thanks to every service member of every kind. You may post this image on social media prior to the end of the hunt, if you choose. Submit the image with a link to your post in the comment section (if you chose to post it).

#52 / VIDEO / 41 POINTS / (Time-lapse up to 30 seconds.) Paint a dignified portrait of a President, Prime Minister, King, or Queen. But we don’t want you to waste canvas or paper! Paint this on a loved one’s bare back or abdomen. (use skin safe paints or edible “paint-like” food products!)

#53 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / Write something in frosting on a cake that you’ve always wanted to say to someone, and deliver it to them.

#54 / PHOTO / 40 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Listen to this and be scared: http://www.radiolab.org/story/nukes/. But this bill has been introduced to try to solve this global risk. Let’s get it approved! Tweet ALL of your reps to pass the legislation to make congressional approval for first nuclear strike US law. Submit a screenshot of your post. Provide a link to the tweet in the comment field of the submit page. // UPDATE: Edited for clarity: Not senators but representatives.

#55 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 34 POINTS / Make a homemade Castiel kite with a child. We must see the kite in flight.

#56 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / Sometimes things are just too comfy to leave, but you’re prepared for this! Let’s see you in your “Hammock Self-Containment Unit”. This, of course, would be you in a hammock with everything you need to live for one week, including all life preserving items, sanitation supplies and, of course, entertainment (live or otherwise). Make sure it’s clean, well organized, and designed for easy access to everything.

#57 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 52 POINTS / Show us a beautiful mermaid or sea creature performing a politically defiant modern dance solo to the beautiful music of the Sea Organ at Zadar. (Can’t make it to Zadar? The wave organ in San Francisco or the high tide organ in Blackpool may be substituted.)

#58 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 89 POINTS / It’s time to recreate the epic historic Great Zombie vs. Vampire World War II. As you recall, this particular battle took place with Nerf guns (homemade or otherwise) in an arena, forest or field, and was wild, gruesome, and featured multiple soldiers.

#59 / PHOTO / 59 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! This item takes place on Friday, Aug 11th, in whatever city you’re in at 10am in your time zone. Stand in front of your state or province’s legislative building (the building where your laws are enacted) and with your friends, hold up a large sign showing an excerpt or summary of a law that protects civil rights. For example if you live in the US, you could hold up a sign with a portion of the 1st amendment of the US Constitution written on it. Use the hashtag #gishwhes4rights. Submit the image you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page.

#60 / VIDEO / 51 POINTS / Up to 30 seconds - you may speed up or slow down the video if you need to.) Using only air-moving devices or machines, successfully navigate a balloon through a strange series of obstacles. It must be suspended in the air, without anyone or anything other than moving air touching it. It must travel at least 10 yards and culminate with your friend popping it with a needle sticking out from a hat they’re wearing.

#61 / VIDEO / 76 POINTS / (As long as it takes to complete the song.) THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! James Corden hosts Carpool Karaoke in the US— a viral show that has celebrities singing songs with him in a car. (Yes, we realize this is typical lowbrow-American TV, but it works.) We want to upgrade carpool karaoke and make it more high-brow. Create your own carpool karaoke with a political or intellectual powerhouse. Your co-singer must be either a nobel laureate, MacArthur Fellow, a national elected official, Bill Nye, Jane Goodall, Neil deGrasse Tyson, or any past or present member of the Harlem Globetrotters. Oh, and your karaoke song must have sufficient gravitas and must be an 80s pop song. For example, “Like a Virgin” would do nicely. Shoot your video Carpool Karaoke style. Tweet the video to @JKCorden with #gishwhesloveskaraoke and mention who your passenger is in the post. Upload the video on our submit page but be sure to provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page.

#62 / PHOTO / 42 POINTS / Honeybees are a “keystone” species just like sharks. If they’re gone, we’re in big trouble. Unfortunately, there are currently “Colony Collapse Disorders” happening with honeybees throughout the world. This is when the majority of worker bees in a colony disappear, leaving the queen and immature bees to fend for themselves (most colonies completely die). This has major global food crop implications, as honeybees perform the magic of pollination of agricultural crops. If bees go by the wayside, we will have to find alternative pollination solutions, and that ain’t gonna be easy. But, let’s roll up our sleeves and give it a shot: Plant something in your garden (or plant a garden if you don’t have one) that is bee friendly (even if it’s just one plant in one pot on a patio). Spring - lilacs, penstemon, lavender, sage, verbena, and wisteria. Summer – Mint, cosmos, squash, tomatoes, pumpkins, sunflowers, oregano, rosemary, poppies, black-eyed Susan, passion flower vine, honeysuckle. Fall – Fuschia, mint, bush sunflower, sage, verbena, toadflax. Take a picture of yourself wearing some sort of bee-attire doing your part to pollinate your newly planted plant.

#63 / VIDEO / 265 POINTS / (Time-lapse up to 1 minute but preferably under 30 seconds.) Loo goes to space! A person named Loo won our NASA email contest last Fall, and Loo’s prize is out of this world. Write “Loo” on a paper airplane and launch it from the stratosphere (or higher). We must CLEARLY see you writing the name on the paper airplane and folding it, the paper airplane’s journey into space, and then the actual launch where the plane is released from the stratosphere from whatever vehicle has conveyed it to those heights (high-altitude weather balloons are an acceptable means of conveyance). Oh, and one more thing: the paper airplane must be decorated and must have a message on it about a secret, global conspiracy to make the world a better place. It should also have your team name written on it and the following email address: with the instructions: “If found please email picture of airplane and location found to: [email protected].

#64 / PHOTO / 58 POINTS / Quilt a gishwhes onesie out of underwear and/or gloves. Strike a pose in the lobby of a financial institution or bank. Bonus points if it’s the floor of a stock exchange.

#65 / PHOTO / 65 POINTS / You know SuperWhoLock? The amalgamation of Supernatural, Doctor Who and Sherlock? Well, that’s been done to death and everyone has moved on to the next big mashup. Let’s see 3D street art on a pavement or wall (in chalk!) that’s of a scene or setting from SuperWhoWatch (an amalgamation of Supernatural, Doctor Who and BayWatch)

#66 / PHOTO / 18 POINTS / Personify your favorite movie title. Include a caption on your image of the title of the movie in quotes. - Tanya Best

#67 / PHOTO / 43 POINTS / Banana Hammock. This year’s summer fashion elitists are all wearing the latest rage: Banana Bikini or Banana Briefs. Join them!

#68 / PHOTO / 51 POINTS / You finally have a use for all the naked bananas you now have sitting around! Bake as much banana bread as you can with “gishwhes” spelled out in bananas on the top & distribute it to your local nursing home.

#69 / VIDEO / 28 POINTS / You’ve been putting this off for far too long. Tell your parents something bad that you did as a child that they still don’t know about. Capture their reaction. This must not be staged. We have an Academy Award Winning Judge on staff that will determine if your parent has already heard this story and you will be docked points. - CJ and Lauren

#70 / VIDEO / 39 POINTS / (Time-lapse down to 20 seconds.) Sidewalk cafes are all the rage, but most “sidewalk cafes” are total posers. Set up a “sidewalk cafe” the way it was meant to be - on an actual sidewalk. Cook a delicious omelet using just a magnifying glass, a hot sidewalk, and the sun. Share your feast with a friend!

#71 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 45 POINTS / DELETED FOR REASONS // ORIGINAL: THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Rapper B. o. B. seems to think that the world is flat. Perform a highly scientific experiment that proves that it is not and tweet the results to him (https://twitter.com/bobatl). Submit the image or video you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page.

#72 / PHOTO / 111 POINTS / I hate to say it, but this financial company is underwater. Let’s see the board meeting— with professionally dressed people at the table with chairs, paper, pens etc… all fully submerged at the bottom of a swimming pool.

#73 / PHOTO / 39 POINTS / Visit a local laundromat. Place decorated envelopes with enough money (in coins or bills, depending on the machines) for one load of washing and one load of drying on at least one machine with the note: “We swim together, we tumble together. Love, Gishwhes.”

#74 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 43 POINTS / Modify a grocery store shopping cart to be space-worthy. Put an alien being in the pilot’s seat and help them navigate the terrain of the “Earth produce” department to collect specimens.

#75 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 16 POINTS / They told me I couldn’t, so I did. Pose in front of a sign declaring a rule. Break that rule. A few notes: It must be safe (what you are doing), and it MUST NOT be a law or illegal where you are. It must only be a “rule”. For example, you might find a sign that says, “collared shirts only.” You would pose in front of that sign wearing a tank top. - Inspired by Emily Shulman

#76 / PHOTO / 39 POINTS / Have a caveperson demonstrate glass-blowing. - Jennifer Pierce

#77 / PHOTO / 24 POINTS / Personify or embody your team name. Caption your image with your team name. - Shannon

#78 / PHOTO / PHOTO or VIDEO / 48 POINTS / Being in the hospital can be scary and lonely for kids! Visit your local hospital to play a two-player video game with a pediatric patient. Be sure to dress thematically to match your game(s)! Take a picture of yourself in front of the children’s hospital. Do not take pictures with the kids unless they approve, their guardian(s) approve, and the hospital approves; we don’t want them to feel exploited. However, you MUST play with a child to get points for this item. This will be an honor system. You will have very bad karma if you cheat on this one. - Kristin Lindsay - Child’s Play charity.

#79 / VIDEO / 29 POINTS / (Up to 20 seconds.) Why would you move from the couch during a Supernatural binge watching session? Build a complex SPN-themed Rube-Goldberg machine to fill your empty glass, catapult you a snack, or to serve some other couch potato need. - Diane-Audrey Carlier

#80 / VIDEO / 73 POINTS / You’ve all seen “dog shaming memes” on the Internets. You know that crowd that lines up at the plaza of The Today Show and shows up on air? Let’s take it over with gisher-self-shaming signs. Hold up a large, colorful sign that details something you did that you probably shouldn’t have done (for example, “I drank milk straight of the carton and put it back in the fridge without telling my roommates”). Make it a light-hearted trivial violation, not a deep-seated personality flaw, actual violation of the law, or other serious offense. Share with us a clip of the AIRED FOOTAGE that shows your team’s sign and in the comments section of the item submitter, let us know which sign was yours. Do not add your team name or “gishwhes” anywhere on the sign… we want this to be a mystery.

#81 / PHOTO / 25 POINTS / Sometimes it feels like your boss expects you to be in more than one place at more than one time, but you’re a gisher so you know how to deliver. Using the panoramic photo function on your phone, insert yourself at least three times in the same picture in different positions and/or wardrobe to show yourself as you “multitask”. You may NOT Photoshop yourself into the image. (Hint: you have to run around the person taking the picture each time they pass you in the frame.)

#82 / PHOTO / 19 POINTS / In honour of Canada's 150th birthday, even though you may not be Canadian, you and a friend should clearly cover yourself in maple syrup and go roll in some maple leaves. - Jessica G.

#83 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / Lets see your interpretation of fireworks using vegetables and spaghetti as mixed media. - Saty381

#84 / PHOTO / 52 POINTS / (Two Images side-by-side.) The first image is a photo of an illustrated page from a children’s book. The second image is your reenactment of that illustration in 3 dimensions. - Inspired by Sarah Trumbley

#85 / PHOTO / 47 POINTS / Let’s see LABSWHES. The Largest Awesome Balloon Sculpture the World Has Ever Seen. The themes this year are “insect” or “space”—or both. You must be in the middle of this structure.

#86 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 39 POINTS / Everyone thinks unicorns are beautiful, magical, gentle creatures. You know better. Prove it to the world! You may use any media you like, including Photoshop. - Traci Akierman

#87 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Tweet a picture of you or your child dressed as a bear in school to @betsydevos with whatever text you like and “#KeepSchoolsSafeFromBears #Gishwhes”. Submit the image you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page. - Diedra Lookingbill

#88 / PHOTO / 60 POINTS / Three words: 10 Mannequin-pin Bowling. - Ariana Preis

#89 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 43 POINTS / Apply lipstick while jumping on a trampoline. - Emily Schulman

#90 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 42 POINTS / “Why did the chicken cross the road?” There’s no better crossing guard than a mother hen! Dressed as a chicken, offer to help people cross a busy street.

#91 / PHOTO / 31 POINTS / Leave a Yelp review of gishwhes after you deliver food to the homeless or to a homeless shelter.

#92 / VIDEO / 62 POINTS / (Up to 20 seconds.) It’s nice to see a serious sport finally get the recognition it deserves: http://www.euronews.com/2017/04/30/finns-compete-in-annual-hobby-horse-championship. Now, let's see video documentation of "Human NASCAR" complete with the speeding, lane changes, a pit-stop, crashes, etc. You & at least 5 friends must be drivers of "vehicles" of your own design, complete with corporate sponsorship logos. All vehicles must be motor-free and foot-propelled (ala-Flintstones) and all engine sounds must be vocalized by you and your friends. Just to be clear... this is Human NASCAR, not roller derby. All vehicles must be propelled on foot.

#93 / PHOTO / 72 POINTS / Get an elected official’s signature on a statement (written on official letterhead paper) declaring gishwhes an act of lawful resistance or civil disobedience. (Inspired by U of C Scav, 1987)

#94 / PHOTO / 44 POINTS / Camouflage yourself in a pet store.

#95 / VIDEO / 58 POINTS / (Up to 30 seconds.) The Silicon Gourmet has been teaching a neural network to generate recipes. Learning to cook is hard (as my son can attest)! In the interest of encouraging budding AI chefs everywhere, create a Food Network-worthy video preparing one of the recipes as described in the network’s cookbook. Make sure to sample the results on camera. Oh, and you must look and behave as if you were a droid, of course.

#96 / PHOTO / 38 POINTS / (Try to take a very close-up photo - a.k.a. “Macro” photo.) Nice grill! Combine the “tiny food” trend with urban fashion. Show someone cooking tiny hamburgers & hot dogs on a friend’s “grill” (the dental kind.)

#97 / PHOTO / 61 POINTS / Do something fitting in front of the Gereja Ayam (the abandoned Chicken Church of Indonesia). For example, you could play a game of Duck, Duck, Chicken! Or you could ponder the question: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Or you could host an easter egg hunt… You get the picture.

#98 / VIDEO / 38 POINTS / A marionette show featuring a puppet of Trump being controlled by a Putin lookalike. Quintuple BONUS POINTS if Putin himself is the puppeteer.

#99 / VIDEO / 47 POINTS / Letterboxing (http://www.letterboxing.org/ or see https://www.atlasquest.com/) is a game where people hide small weatherproof boxes in publicly accessible spaces with a logbook & a stamp. They share the clues to find their box on the web or via word of mouth. Create a letterbox for your team & share clues so other teams can find it over social media. Leave a logbook with your team stamp on it in the box. Then, find another teams’ box and leave them a message of encouragement along with your team’s stamp in their log book. Submit proof that you found at least one other team’s book & the message you wrote. NO COLLUSION! (And that goes for you, too, Donald.) // UPDATE NOTE: Please either pickup your boxes after the Hunt ends or dedicate yourselves to maintaining them post-hunt.

#100 / PHOTO / 38 POINTS / Calliope. Clio. Euterpe. Erato. Melpomene. Polyhymnia. Terpischore. Thalia. Urania. Inspirational goddesses of literature, the arts and science in Greek mythology. On the steps of the National Gallery in Trafalgar Square, provide a visual representation of the muse that guides you in your art and/or life.

#101 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 80 POINTS / As I'm sure you’ve seen, over the years we have marketed gishwhes relentlessly and shamelessly (because we really want everyone to do it). This is the last gishwhes, so now it’s your turn to go ahead and show us how we should’ve marketed it. Create a gishwhes ad that no one would be able to resist. Note: you may make false or misleading claims if you so choose, but because we’re curious, you could even take a stab at a legit one. …

#102 / PHOTO / 74 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! During the First Annual and Last Ever 2017 gishwhes Tea Party, we identified gishers based on their right-brush or left-brush toothbrushing statuses. Conduct a massive poll on your social networks for the gishwhes Institute of Vital Statistics to prove conclusively whether people brush their teeth starting on the same side of their mouth as their dominant hand or the opposite side. Because this is solid science, your sample size must have a minimum of 400 respondents. Submit a visually-compelling graph of your poll data and the number of votes and the winner. Use the hashtag #gishwhesteeth. Submit a screenshot of your post. Provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page.

#103 / VIDEO / 26 POINTS / Play hopscotch at one of the marker sites of Víddaflakk. (BONUS: Play Interdimensional Hopscotch.)

#104 / PHOTO / 90 POINTS / A far-right Republican senator and a far-left Democrat Senator (or two similarly “diametrically party-opposed” legislative makers in your country) co-wearing a very large (fits two people) “This is Our ‘Get-Along’ Shirt.” Caption the image with the names of the politicians.

#105 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 81 POINTS / We know a little girl that makes a different kind of Advent Calendar. As she marks off each day on the calendar, she gives something away. Make your own version of a reverse Advent calendar. On the first day of gishwhes, create a decorated Advent calendar whereby, for each day on the calendar, you depict something you’re going to give away. Then, each day of the Hunt, take a picture of you fulfilling your calendar item. Submit 7 pictures in a grid (or a video slideshow) showing what you’ve done. Then, continue on through the calendar period. (Yes, this will continue after the Hunt is over, but though gishwhes as we know it may be ending, its spirit will live on in you!) -Keegan Connor Tracy’s 10-year old daughter

#106 / VIDEO / 79 POINTS / The Lumbasumba region is being protected this year by Gishwhes. We gishers managed to purchase for permanent preservation more than 60 square miles of the Lumbasumba forest during the final weeks of registration in July! But the Lumbasumba area is more than just a forest. It’s also the hottest new dance craze. Show us how it’s done. (As all gishers know, you need to do it next to a REAL monkey, a parrot, or a camel to do it right.)

#107 / VIDEO / 92 POINTS / (Up to 45 seconds.) AMOK ITEM! Let’s virtually graffiti the world with kindness! Using a GPS tracking app (like Figure Running or similar), walk, jog, or run as large a path as you can to spell out a message of love, hope, or kindness. As you go, stop and perform acts of kindness and document them. You must show us the map with coordinates at the end of your path as well as the minimum of 3 documented act of kindness. - Inspired by Tia Pogue

#108 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 28 POINTS / The chickens have come home to Proust.

#109 / VIDEO / 71 POINTS / (Up to 22 seconds.) Wonder Woman being “Superman-splained” to.

#110 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / The return of the Three-ingredient Challenge! Show us: Triptych, Transylvanian, takin.

#111 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 45 POINTS / A street vendor handing out toilet paper roses at the toilet fountain in Foshan, China.

#112 / PHOTO / 83 POINTS / A ballet troupe in tutus, engaged in a bar brawl - freeze framed at its most climactic moment.

#113 / PHOTO / 62 POINTS / Set up a Maximum Security Birdhouse in a beautiful public park.

#114 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / DELETED FOR REASONS // ORIGINAL: Let’s see a TripAdvisor or Airbnb review of your mother’s womb as an “extended stay hotel”. Keep it suitable for work and any child’s prying eyes! // UPDATE: Item only needs listing, no review necessary. / UPDATE: Item deleted.

#115 / PHOTO / 83 POINTS / Make A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of Le Grande Jatte by Seraut into an elaborate dot-to-dot image.

#116 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 65 POINTS / Not many people know this, but the Kessel Run was actually a foot race. Let’s see at least 5 Star Wars characters competing in the Kessel Run in a shopping mall.

#117 / VIDEO / 65 POINTS / Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole. Let’s see Dean Winchester driving a pedi-cab or quadricycle with Castiel & Sam as passengers.

#118 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 60 POINTS / Rumor has it that Amazon is teaming up with the Vatican for a bold new service: On Demand Drone Deliverance services. Show us a drone administering a wedding service, confession, last rites, communion or baptism.

#119 / PHOTO / 22 POINTS / Trump l’oeil. (This is not a typo.)

#120 / VIDEO / 91 POINTS / You’ve heard of a soap box derby, but the sofa bed derby is where it’s at. Let’s see two “race car” sofa beds, each with pajama-clad “drivers”, racing down an actual street. Be safe and complete this where there is absolutely no traffic!

#121 / PHOTO / 32 POINTS / The people of Iceland believe in Huldufólk, which are invisible elves. They build tiny houses and churches for them. But the Huldufólk deserve to have a nightlife, too! Let’s see a tiny Huldufólk nightclub in a busy urban area.

#122 / PHOTO / 40 POINTS / They say a rolling stone gathers no moss, but can moss gather a Rolling Stone? Make a portrait of one of The Rolling Stones out of moss.

#123 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 38 POINTS / As all gishers know, Saturday, August 12 is “Meet Another Gisher Day.” Meet up in front of the largest art museum in your town at 10:00 AM (of whatever timezone you’re in). It’s a pot-luck coleslaw brunch this year, so bring your favorite family recipe of coleslaw… and as much sidewalk chalk as you can. After brunch, decorate the pavement with a collaborative message to the world. In order for a meet-up to count you need to have representatives of at least 5 teams present, so this will require some organizing. Gishwhes is all about coming together, so teams may collaborate (gasp!) on this one, but your team’s image or video must still be all your own.

#124 / PHOTO / 21 POINTS / Be someone’s “rock” to get them through the hard times. Hand-paint small rocks with a message of kindness & leave them in areas that need a pick-me-up. (On the underside, please write “Pass it on.”) You must paint & hide at least one rock for each member of your team.

#125 / VIDEO / 41 POINTS / (Time-lapse under 20 seconds.) All good things must come to an end, and so it is with the Hunt. Create a “sand” mandala featuring images that symbolize the hunt to you… all using pixie sticks as your chakpur and sand. When it’s done, show us your masterwork and then, just like the Buddhist monks, sweep it away and get ready for what’s next.

#126 / PHOTO / 88 POINTS / DELETED FOR REASONS // ORIGINAL: Reward! I won’t say that Jensen & Jared are missing their balls, but they were last seen being sent into this quarry at Britannia Beach. Find them, take a photo, and put them back exactly where you found them for other teams to find. If you keep them, you will lose valuable karma & points. // UPDATE: Added safety advisory and strong caution based on reports. // UPDATE: Apparently Item #126, the one in which you are charged with finding Jared and Jensen’s golf balls is not going well. Now, granted, these are jared and jensen’s balls, so one would expect them to be quite hard to find. But it seems their balls are leaving a tremendous number of people unsatisfied as well. (To make matters worse, the owners of the quarry in BC have also installed a “no trespassing” sign since the hunt started and several bears have been spotted there by gishers as well.) So… I’m suspending this item. However, there will be a replacement item soon wherein you will be seeking out my golf balls, (which have never left an unsatisfied customer yet.) Also, if you have already completed item #126, you will be able to submit your photo of Jared and Jensen’s ball(s) for the new item and get full credit. The new item will be assigned the same number of points.

#127 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 64 POINTS / These Kung-Fu Nuns (dare we say “Nunjas?”) are biking through the Himalayas to stop human trafficking. (No, really.) In their honor, let’s see some tricks on a BMX bike. Rider must be dressed in a nun’s habit.

#128 / PHOTO / 84 POINTS / Get a Porcupanda or other gishwhes mascot included as an emoji on an official iPhone emoji list.

#129 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 57 POINTS / IMAGE or VIDEO. Pope St. Francis set up a laundromat to help the homeless get access to clean clothes. Follow his lead by setting up a service station to benefit the homeless or impoverished in your area (a “take what you need” public pantry, toiletries cabinet, water station, public shower, public toilet, laundry facility, open library, etc.).

#130 / PHOTO / 23 POINTS / A tactometer used to measure tact.

#131 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / Make a collage that features things only locals from your town would know about. Display it prominently in a public space in your town.

#132 / PHOTO / 79 POINTS / Couch Surfing 2: The Revenge. Last year, in our infinite wisdom, we suggested “couch surfing: real surfing, real couch.” We quickly came to our senses and pulled the item for safety reasons, but it’s been a year and we don’t hold onto the past. Couch surfing: Let’s see it in the real surf with a BUOYANT (e.g.,inflatable) couch. You may not use a real couch as it’s too dangerous and bad for the ecosystem. Make it happen. (You may not leave any couches in any body of water and you must be super safe with this. If waves are too big, do not do it.)

#133 / PHOTO / 42 POINTS / Waste not, want not. Save every piece of non-biodegradable refuse that you would have normally thrown away from Days 1-5 of the Hunt and on day 6, use this material to create a sculpture of an endangered animal.

#134 / VIDEO / 21 POINTS / My wife is so trend-forward, she recently took a “goat yoga class” (it’s real; you can google it.) Without hurting, upsetting, or endangering ANY animal, show us the next trend in animal-infused yoga that she should get on board with.

#135 / VIDEO / 40 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! (Up to 30 seconds.) Freeze frame on a picture of you (like they do at the end of movies) and then roll a credit sequence for your own life. Include a "here’s what happens to you in the future" sentence or two and then a listing of the people that have helped you get where you are now or where you are going and what their “titles” are. Post this on the social media channel of your choice with the hashtags #gishwhes #mylife. Submit the video, and in the comment field provide the link to the post.

#136 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / Often misunderstood and rarely properly pronounced, chupacabras just need a good home. Adopt one and show us your favorite bonding moment.

#137 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 51 POINTS / Take an elderly person (at least 70 years old) on a joyride in their favorite car (same make and model and vintage) from their youth. The elderly person must be at least 70 years old; the car, at least 60 years old... and you and the senior must be dressed in period attire that reflects the era when the car was manufactured.

#138 / PHOTO / 52 POINTS / Prejudice is something we can easily see and call out in others. However, we all have biases and prejudices of our own that we are often blind to. You’re going to have to dig deep here - but you’re a gisher, so we know you can do it. Show us you taking a step to overcome one of your own prejudices.

#139 / PHOTO / 61 POINTS / Each member of your team must knit or crochet one piece of a quilted throw that, when combined, showcases your team emblem or symbol.

#140 / VIDEO / 51 POINTS / Everyone talks about drum circles, but they grossly underestimate the power of other shapes. Create a complex shape with as many sides, angles or curves as you can, and demonstrate the power of percussion geometry - with as many drummers as you can drum up.

#141 / PHOTO / 42 POINTS / At least 8 people walking in twos, on the Tiger & Turtle in Duisburg, Germany as if it were an actual roller coaster. They must keep their hands up as they walk the track, except for one of the front “riders” who is clenching an invisible lap bar, terrified. It’s okay to be nauseous.

#142 / VIDEO / 80 POINTS / As all gishers know, a Gish Gallop can only be performed by a Forbes 1000 CEO in the lobby of that CEO's company’s headquarters on a hobby horse or a live pony. Caption your video with the name of the company and CEO that we are watching as they Gish Gallop. // UPDATE: CEO list changed.

#143 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / Sure, most Stormtroopers toed the line, but back in the 1960s there were a few draft-dodging peacenik Stormtroopers. Find a famous vintage photo of a peace sit-in or Woodstock-level love-in and flawlessly photoshop in one or more Stormtroopers. We must think it’s the real thing. As an alternative, you can stage your own “peace” picture and submit an “aged” stormtrooper sit-in image. YES, YOU MAY PHOTOSHOP THIS ITEM!

#144 / VIDEO / 37 POINTS / (Up to 30 seconds.) An impromptu concert consisting of a chocalho, an apito, a reco-reco, and a pandeiro. (Bonus points if you perform in front of, or in, the Teatro Amazonas.) Oh, and of course the musicians are playing Carry On my Wayward Son by @kansasband.

#145 / PHOTO / 71 POINTS / Oversized board games are a trend, with oversized Jenga and such. Let’s see a game of tiddlywinks being played— scaled up to giant-sized.

#146 / PHOTO / 40 POINTS / Two nice suburban monster moms out for a day of shopping at Hoxton’s Monster Supplies in England.

#147 / PHOTO / 28 POINTS / Paint an extraordinary portrait of your favorite gishwhes mascot with the brand “D2N” (with the 2 backwards) on the Werregarenstraat.

#148 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 38 POINTS / Dress up as a superhero and perform acts of “kindness” heroism at Hősök tere (Hero's Square).

#149 / VIDEO / 71 POINTS / (Time-lapse up to 25 seconds.) Canada's Prime Minister Justin Trudeau gets a lot of attention for being super hot. Frankly, it's starting to detract from his ability to govern. Cool things down by making a sculpture of Trudeau out of Canada's most ample resource: ice. A couple of caveats: the frozen water you use must have something added to it to make it opaque, and inside the ice must be something emblematic of canada that doesn’t melt (for example, a hockey skate). The timelapse must be of the sculpture melting revealing the object hidden inside. Make sure to frame your shot with a fitting or neutral background so that the final product really pops.

#150 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / Ireland has the lowest reports of UFO sightings in Europe each year. Something must be done about this! Make and display a convincing UFO in a public place in Ireland to increase the number.

#151 / PHOTO / 54 POINTS / Visit Cat Island (Tashirojima, Japan) dressed as a dog. You must have at least 10 cats in the photo.

#152 / PHOTO / 42 POINTS / Decorate the exterior of your home like the Pan House, using whatever object speaks to you.

#153 / VIDEO / 72 POINTS / Not to be quixotic, but wind power and automation are the future of personal grooming. Create a wind-powered device to automate a self-care process. Could be a wind-powered shoe shining machine, a wind-powered, toothbrush, etc. (It must actually work and must actually be powered by wind.)

#154 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / There’s a UFO Observation Deck (redmonkeygroup.com) in Slovakia. On Sunday, August 6 at 3 PM Slovakian time, grab your friends and dress up as your interpretation of extraterrestrials and go there. Bring luggage and queue up outside of it as though you're boarding to go back home (you don’t have to enter).

#155 / PHOTO / 40 POINTS / Over the years, we’ve had menstrual-hygiene supply sculptures of everything from dinosaurs to seagulls to puppies. We’ve also gotten a lot of flak for encouraging waste, and in protest gishers have donated thousands of menstrual pads to shelters, (which actually proves that in fact we at gishwhes can do no wrong). This final year’s list wouldn’t be complete without a menstrual-hygiene sculpture, so we’re ending this by splitting the difference: Create a tiny, perfectly sculpted statue of Michelangelo’s David or another famous historic sculpture of your choosing out of a SINGLE tampon, and then donate at least 1 box of menstrual hygiene supplies to your local shelter. Submit the image of your sculpture. The donation will be on the honor system. Remember, KARMA is a bitch.

#156 / PHOTO / 71 POINTS / Sure, Misha & HRH Queen Elizabeth II had a rocky year in 2016 with their “Brexit Breakup”, but despite a brief conscious uncoupling, theirs is a love that stands the test of time. Prove it by showing us Egyptian hieroglyphics, Greek urns, or other recently-unearthed archaeological finds that prove theirs is a love that has lasted through the ages. If you’re choosing to do a hieroglyphic, you may NOT permanently deface any stone - use chalk!

#157 / PHOTO / 38 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! NASA is soliciting tweets to send to Voyager 1. Tweet your suggestion with #gishwhes. I suggest it be the following theme: Voyager 1 ran to the store and you are texting to remind it to pick something up at the store. But we will permit messages of any type so let your imaginations run wild. Submit a screenshot of your post. Provide a link to the tweet in the comment field of the submit page.

#158 / PHOTO / 22 POINTS / Thanks to “reactions” we can now communicate our feelings more clearly to one another! But Facebook limits us to just 6 reactions and we at gishwhes HQ believe that this limitation constraints our ability to express nuanced emotions to one another. Let’s see an updated version of the Facebook “reactions” with feelings like “silently judging you”, “reacting positively to your face but planning to gossip about this later”, and “I’m just not sure how to feel about this” and other more subtle emotions. You may photoshop this item.

#159 / PHOTO / 47 POINTS / Who said you couldn't Hunt while in hospital? Certainly not any of us! Show off your large-scale cartoon skills by writing the longest poem (or drawing the largest mural) you can, all about the adventures of a virus caught in a hospital, on a scroll made from a roll of exam table paper.

#160 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 41 POINTS / As you all know, my grandmother lives at Roland Park Place in Baltimore, MD. It’s a senior assisted-living home. She’s been hesitant to have the shenanigans of gishwhes descend, so let’s legitimize that fear... from Tuesday to Thursday 10AM to 4PM ONLY PLEASE! (DON’T SHOW UP AT ANY OTHER TIME OR IT WILL BE AN INCONVENIENCE TO THE GUESTS AT THE HOME and you will be docked points!) Let’s invade Roland Park Place literally! Show up dressed as an extraterrestrial on an interplanetary goodwill mission. Bring an offering of your home planet’s favorite treats or creature comforts (games, large print books, slippers, slip-proof socks, soft blankets, etc) and specimens of natural beauty from this planet (humans like that). You will get 25% bonus points if you perform this item at Roland Park Place (that’s the added value of nepotism), but you can get full credit if you perform this item at any retirement home/assisted living facility.

#161 / PHOTO / 87 POINTS / David LaChapelle is a renowned experimental photographer known for his kitsch-pop surrealist style. Recreate a well-known painting as a photograph in the style of David LaChappelle. Somewhere in your image there must be a banana, and you may not depict The Last Supper. (2X Bonus: get Dave Chappelle to star in your David LaChapelle homage.)

#162 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 33 POINTS / Lube luge. That's it. That's the item.

#163 / PHOTO / 60 POINTS / This Hunt’s must-have fashion trend: an aquarium hat with live fish. The aquarium hat must not endanger the live fish in any way.

#164 / PHOTO / 62 POINTS / DELETED FOR REASONS // ORIGINAL: Get a bonafide zillow listing for property on Mars.

#165 / PHOTO / 28 POINTS / https://twitter.com/zenxv/status/845474882607632384

#166 / VIDEO / 38 POINTS / (Time-lapse up to 30 seconds.) Follow a tomato back in time from the local co-op to where the farmer grew it. Thank them for their service by sharing a sandwich with them… one that has slices of that tomato in it.

#167 / VIDEO / 29 POINTS / (Time-lapse up to 20 seconds.) There are two things that science has proven unequivocally: 1) global warming is happening and 2) sucking the melting ice cream from a tiny hole in the bottom of a sugar cone is the greatest possible pleasure in life. (Minimum 5 rounded scoops on top and you must suck all the ice cream through the tiny hole.)

#168 / PHOTO / 66 POINTS / When the apocalypse comes and the power goes out you are going to be sorry you are so digitally-dependent! Have your social media page printed on microfiche… just in case.

#169 / PHOTO / 27 POINTS / Write "Ass butt" (in non-toxic kids finger paint or chalk!) on the hindquarters of an Ass. (This should go without saying, but be careful & safe. Approach from the side, never stand directly behind it, and try to keep the donkey happy so you don't get injured.)

#170 / VIDEO / 88 POINTS / Angels may be all-powerful, but they’re luddites (technologically behind the times) and it affects their productivity in the office. Let’s see an angel writing something on an old-school mechanical typewriter (not electric) featuring a working Enochian keyboard. (The keys and keystrokes must correspond to actual Enochian typeface.)

#171 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / A stump grinder with a unicorn decal, with a child no more than 7 years old wearing a pink princess costume in the driver’s seat. // // UPDATE: Machine should not be operational during photo op. / AMENDED ITEM: A stump grinder with a unicorn decal, being pushed by a child no more than 7 years old wearing a pink princess costume. (Edited because Misha is not much into stump-grinding and thought a stump grinder was something else.) It should go without saying, but this is a photo op. The stump grinder should not be on or operational. Safety first!

#172 / PHOTO / 32 POINTS / Now that this may be the last gishwhes-as-we-know-it ever, it’s time to reflect on missed opportunities. Let’s see the Item List Misha SHOULD have made all these years. Give us your team’s ideal gishwhes Item List with a minimum of 10 Items. If the majority of the items you create look like no thought was put into them (and you were just quickly writing down items to get the points), you will receive zero points.

#173 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 55 POINTS / Complete one of the more challenging items on your team’s homemade gishwhes Item List.

#174 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / DELETED FOR REASONS // ORIGINAL: An Airbnb listing for the gishbus.

#175 / PHOTO / 36 POINTS / Everyone knows “high noon” means “high tea”. Bring a little bit of civilization to the frontier with Wild West teacup and saucer holsters.

#176 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / For our gish cousins in the antipodes where the days are short and the nights are cold: Establish a “TLC” station at Federation Square, opposite Flinders Street Station in Melbourne or on the steps of the Opera House in Sydney, and provide a little warmth – be it a coffee, a heat pack, or simply a smile – for those making their journey to work on the cold winter mornings. // UPDATE: Melbourne TLC location changed. (Original said “Establish a “TLC” station under the iconic clocks at Flinders Street Station in Melbourne”.)

#177 / PHOTO / 44 POINTS / A Scottish terrier in a Scottish kilt eating a scotch egg in front of an Irish monument.

#178 / PHOTO / 54 POINTS / The Prague Astronomical Clock – or Prague orloj – is the third oldest astronomical clock in the world, and the oldest one still operating. But imagine if this feat of mechanical engineering did more than mark the passage of time... Imagine it could actually take you back in time! Gather your teammates, friends, and family members together and show us the time period you would travel back to if this historic clock warped the time continuum. Note: You and your time-travelling companions must be pictured in front of the clock.

#179 / VIDEO / 36 POINTS / (Up to 45 seconds edited.) Share an audio dream diary of your first thoughts as you wake up every morning of the Hunt (so you cannot submit this until the last day of the Hunt!). It must be the first thing you do before you get out of bed.

#180 / VIDEO / 111 POINTS / (Up to 30 seconds.) Cinema has evolved, but some actors don’t. Let’s see a silent film actress against a 1920’s style black-and-white-set. The actor/actress must have exaggerated facial expressions and the score must be nickelodeon-style piano music. Suddenly, the music changes… It's hip hop and modern technology comes in with color and sync sound, but she's still black and white and still mouthing words with title card.

#181 / PHOTO / 87 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Let’s see a (SFW) 2,000 word essay published on twitter in 140 character bursts. (no attachments, etc.) about the best way to get pregnant for the 10th time. (I’m sorry, but I promised someone this would be an item.) Submit an image of the first post and then a link to this post in the COMMENT field of the submit page so we can check to make sure you “published” the whole thing.

#182 / PHOTO / 53 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Seamlessly modify using photoshop (or other digital altering software), a well-know oil painting by adding in an anachronistic element. For example, if it were a Monet, you might put one of the ladies under a parasol holding an ipad. YES, YOU MAY DIGITALLY ALTER THE IMAGE YOU ARE SUBMITTING… with a catch. The anachronistic element must be rendered seamlessly into the image in the style of the original painter or creator. It must look like a part of the original composition; we should not be able to tell it was added in later. Post the image on FB and/or Pinterest. Submit the image you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page. #gishwhesModernMasterpiece

#183 / PHOTO / 53 POINTS / You are all soon going to be a part of a sinister plot to take over the world… in a unique way. But we need your help. Here’s the first thing you have to do: Decide what your favorite point of interest, historical site or national landmark is in your town or city and enter its address here: http://qrickit.com/qrickit_apps/qrickit_qrcode_creator_geo.php . Below the map on that webpage you’ll see an “optional text” field. Enter “Taken by CFG”. Then click “Qcreate” at the bottom. Download the QR code and submit it as your item. Stay tuned for what comes next...

#184 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 92 POINTS / (Up to 30 seconds if video.) Last year, we helped people around the world get access to clean water. But it's been a year and the problem certainly hasn't gone away. In fact, as global temperatures rise, the problem is only going to intensify. Work with your team to create a realistic (not a joke or parody) schematic or prototype of an easy-to-set up portable personal AWG (atmospheric water generator) system that could be used anywhere in the world. It must be cheap to build (aim for less than $10) with parts that can be found in any hardware store. It must be compact & light enough for a nomadic or homeless individual to carry around. Ideally, it would collect enough water in a day to sustain someone for that day.

#185 / PHOTO / 48 POINTS / Hug a national forest! Grab as many friends as you can and go to your favorite national forest or park and be tree huggers. Set the camera up so we can see all the tree hugging action clearly.

#186 / PHOTO / 46 POINTS / One of the biggest problems astronauts will face when they travel to Mars will be figuring out how to bring enough food for the three year journey. Porcupanda has offered the idea of making their spacecraft out of food. Show them how. Build an edible spacecraft using anything except “space ice cream” (Per our resident Director of Intergalactic Space Exploration, that stuff tastes like strawberry Styrofoam: “Bleecht!” as he so eloquently put it.)

#187 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 51 POINTS / Every year, the scientists at the NASA Jet Propulsion Lab make spectacular pumpkin carvings that put our humble Halloween jack-o-lanterns to shame (see https://www.wired.com/2016/10/watch-nasas-high-tech-pumpkins-action/). Whatever. What’s a rocket scientist got that you don’t have? Let’s see you out-do them! Show us your best and most outlandish WATERMELON-O-LANTERN carving. - Dave Lavery // UPDATE: Now PHOTO OR VIDEO submissions will be accepted.

#188 / PHOTO / 28 POINTS / For many years, military aircraft sported spectacular “nose art”— artistic homages to people, places, and ideas important to the aircraft crew. As aesthetically appealing as aircraft nose art may have been, we think they botched it on the choice of canvas. Show us your best nose art - but this time, get it right! All art must be on, around, or incorporate, your nose.

#189 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 32 POINTS / The World’s Worst Lawyer.

#190 / PHOTO / 51 POINTS / Oranges are the new black! Let’s see your most a-peeling cocktail dress all made out of - you guessed it - orange peels. Pose in a crowded urban bar.

#191 / VIDEO / 72 POINTS / (Up to 30 seconds time-lapsed and/or edited.) You didn’t think we were going to let all those oranges go to waste, did you? Wall Drugs has signs announcing Wall Drugs locations hundreds of miles before you get to the store, so drivers get to anticipate the goodness coming. Place signs along 5 miles of road leading up to an orange juice stand that speaks hyperbolically of the life-changing rejuvenation of the coming refreshment with a countdown of the miles. You must have a sign at least every quarter of a mile along the path. If this is insurmountable to you, at the very least, host a freshly-squeezed orange juice party in your backyard for all of your neighbors. You won’t get points for that, but you’ll use the juice and make some friends.

#192 / VIDEO / 47 POINTS / (Time lapse up to 25 seconds). In our busy world, people sometimes forget to slow down and see the beauty around them. Perform a task at work extremely slowly while everyone around you carries on at normal speed. When this is played back in in time lapse, you’re performing at normal speed and it’s the world around you that’s going too fast.

#193 / PHOTO / 10 POINTS / The Riemann hypothesis of mathematics includes the Riemann zeta function, which categorizes some zeros as “non-trivial zeros" and others as "trivial zeros." We think this unequal treatment of zeros, which are clearly all equal, is just wrong! Hold a protest in front of a university mathematics or computer science building with a sign that says something to the effect of "ALL ZEROS ARE EQUAL" or "NO ZEROS ARE TRIVIAL!"

#194 / PHOTO / 67 POINTS / Do you spend too much time indoors while you GISH? It’s time to get outside! Dust off your bicycle, grab a friend or two and go out and ride a 50-mile bike ride (this can be done over the entire period of the Hunt and may be done either on a long road trip somewhere or in different round trip legs to and from your house)! You must track your progress on a GPS drawing app. (Bonus points if you draw a picture of a gishwhes mascot with your path.) Oh, by the way - you need to be wearing part of a pineapple or banana (in some fashion) while you ride. Submit an image of your GPS drawing. Yes, it would be easy to cheat on this item, but let’s all take the high road and practice honesty on this one.

#195 / VIDEO / 235 POINTS / (This video can be as long as it takes to do the job, but we hope the job goes quickly and it is gobbled up fast so the video is short!) Using a steel shredder, shred a decommissioned bus. It must be a full sized bus with at least 10 rows. It may be a school bus or a municipal bus. It may not be a VW MiniBus; it must have been built to seat at least 30. Paint a message that conveys the fact that gishwhes recycled becomes CFG (we’ll explain later). For example, you could write: “Recycled gishwhes = CFG" in large font the side of the bus. Feel free to word this differently, but convey that message. The bigger the bus the better. Oh and paint the windows of the bus to show it’s passengers. (Obviously no living being is in the bus.) Although you should upload a video as your submission, be sure to take pictures of the event in case we need those for the coffee table book (we’ll email you for them).

#196 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 62 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! THIS IS A TOP SECRET ITEM! DO NOT SHARE ITS CONTENT ON SOCIAL MEDIA UNTIL DIRECTED OR YOU WILL RUIN THE SURPRISE AND BE DELUGED WITH BAD KARMA. By now, most of you may know our friend Giles Duley. If not, watch the video at the top of this page. Then, watch here to see what he did with us recently: https://youtu.be/-tOt9LfZF9w ...and he’s doing something amazing with us again with us this year (which we’ll be announcing VERY soon). Giles inspires us and we want to thank him for all of his hard (and often thankless) work. So, we’re going to thank him... BUT WE’RE GOING TO SURPRISE HIM! SO PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT POST ABOUT THIS UNTIL THE DESIGNATED TIME: On Friday, August 11th, at EXACTLY 9am PDT, we are going to give him a “thunderclap” of thanks on the Internet. Because Giles thinks EVERYONE can make a difference no matter their circumstances (and he’s a living embodiment of that), we’re going to prove it. Here’s your job: before the 11th, go out and do an act of kindness. But not just any act of kindness... Giles works hard to help refugee families and landmine victims, so your act of kindness should focus on expanding his work exponentially through the power of gishwhes and gishers. Do something that makes a meaningful, material difference in the life of either a refugee or someone who has been directly impacted by war. If you’re at a loss of how to do this, here are some suggestions: bring a care package to new refugees in your neighborhood, go to a refugee center and volunteer, bring a warm meal to a homeless veteran on the streets, volunteer at a soup kitchen where you know there are war veterans, make a donation to an organization that helps with reconstructive surgery and prosthetics for war victims, or sponsor a child made homeless by the war with a one-time or recurring donation. If you can’t manage to find or coordinate any of the above (but please try!), simply carry out a random act of kindness for another human being on the planet who could legitimately use some kindness. Dig deep on this one, guys. The goal is to cause a ripple effect from the work Giles is doing and expand it worldwide. Let's do this. Capture an image or video of this act. At 9am PDT on Friday, August 11th, post the image or video on Facebook with a detailed description of what you did and crosspost to Twitter. Be sure to mention Giles in the post. (For Facebook, tag @GilesDuleyPhotography and on Twitter, tag @gilesduley with #thanksGiles as the hashtag.) Submit the image or video you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post link in the comment field of the submit page.

#197 / VIDEO / 24 POINTS / Play a few bars of a well-known tune on a well-known musical instrument—but not in the well-known manner. Play a cello tucked under your chin, a saxophone with mallets, or piano as a string instrument with a bow, that sort of thing. The more unexpected the utilization, the more points. -David Pogue

#198 / PHOTO / 108 POINTS / CHANGE A LIFE. "It gives me hope. I feel special when I'm doing it. If something bad happens to me, all I have to do is dance..." -Timarandarin (14 years old) / Last year gishwhes worked with the charity Random Acts and Giles Duley’s Legacy of War to forever change the lives of three refugee families by raising over $250,000 in just a few days. Anybody who has seen these families' smiles will know what an incredible impact we had working together. / This year, we are teaming up with Random Acts and Legacy of War again to grant the last wish of a dying woman, and in doing so, we will save the dreams of hundreds of children who live in some of the world's poorest conditions. / Fiona Sargeant, a former ballet dancer from England, founded and runs a ballet school in an impoverished township in South Africa that for years has provided ballet instruction, meals, education, safe refuge and ultimately hope for hundreds of children. She is not a doctor, nor running a large foundation or charity, but she does know how to dance and she wanted to give back to the world. She is the living proof that EVERYONE can make a difference, if their heart is behind what they’re doing. / Sadly, Fiona has terminal cancer and only has weeks to live. Once she passes, she expects the school to be shut down. But there is a plan in motion that, if funded, would carry on her legacy. Let’s grant her dying wish and BY THE END OF THE HUNT let her know that her children will be taken care of long after she is gone. / She has no idea we are going to do this! We are going to surprise her with this colossal random act of kindness at the end of the Hunt! / We’ve created a Crowdrise page here that tells her story. DONATIONS ARE 100% TAX DEDUCTIBLE AND 100% OF THE DONATIONS GO TO THE SCHOOL (for countries other than U.S., deductions are contingent on your laws). The Gishwhes Item here: create a fundraising “page” for your team on Crowdrise where family, friends and others can donate. Since this is Gishwhes and there’s always an extra twist with everything we do, here’s the deal: we also want you to get OTHERS to donate to your team’s Crowdrise page. We know you don’t need “points” as an incentive to help these kids, but since it is part of the Hunt, we want to maximize the power of these points to help. / Here’s your assignment: start a page and get at least 10 donations from people or businesses NOT on your team. You and your team members are welcome to donate to your campaign, but that is not a requirement for points— the Item requirement is to get at least 10 people to make a cumulative total of least 10 donations who are NOT on your team. There is no minimum amount to donate for GISHWHES purposes, but Crowdrise does require a minimum $10 donation be collected, and let’s all please encourage others to be generous above this so we can make a profound impact. SUBMIT a screenshot of your team’s page with a minimum of 10 donations on it. (To initially create a fundraising team, click the “Join the Team & Create Your Own Fundraiser“ button.) // UPDATE: You reached the goal of $150,000 in just TWO DAYS. Now we need to make it to $200,000… If we can do THAT, we will be able to fund multiple scholarships for the students, allowing them to travel to other countries to train, compete, and take their experiences and skills back to South Africa! If anyone can make it happen, it’s the gishwhes family… So let’s do this & make some dreams come true!

#199 / PHOTO / 44 POINTS / Breaker, breaker! Tune in for details: CB Channel 27 (Frequency 27.27500) broadcasting near Lacy Park, San Marino, CA. (Latitude: 34.1204167 Longitude: -118.1201348) DATE & TIME: 8/7 12 PM PDT & 4:30PM PDT or 8/9 9 AM PDT. Listen on Broadcast CB CHANNEL 32 (Frequency 27.32500) broadcasting near Hermann Park Conservancy, Houston TX (Latitude: 29.7160286 Longitude: -95.3886413) DATE & TIME: 8/11 NOON CT

#200 / PHOTO / 72 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! She should run! First, research upcoming local, state, and federal elections in your area. Second, nominate, via social media posts, qualified female citizens you think should run for specific elected offices in those upcoming elections based on their qualifications and/or passion. Make a post on any or all of your social media handles, tag them (so they see it!), and explain why you want them to run, using the hashtag#SheShouldRun. But your nomination post is not what you submit on our site! IF you manage to get a woman to publicly commit to running in the next election cycle this week via their social media, submit two images side-by-side: an image of your post “nominating” them to run, next to an screenshot of their social media post committing to run, and provide a link to their post in the comments field of the submit page. Note: Candidate must not have already announced their intent to run for office. We have assigned a special prosecutor to scour the internet for your candidate’s previous declarations of intent-to-run and will vet them.

#201 / PHOTO / 61 POINTS / Outside US: 00-1-323-645-0703 Within US: (323) 645-0703

#202 / PHOTO / 46 POINTS / A gisher wrote me recently stating, “I started gishwhes in 2015 myself and my children all joined in and had the best week of our lives, so much fun, so much love, so much laughter. In December 2015 I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer… But I didn't let it beat me. We signed up for gishwhes 2016 and made beautiful art together and performed many acts of kindness to those around us and in need, my children now 10 & 8 have those lessons in their hearts now, to spread kindness and love to all around them! Unfortunately I am too sick to participate this year, but hope to still be here to see all the wonderful creations everyone makes, and if I'm not still here when gishwhes starts I will be watching down on you all, cheering everyone on.” Obviously, I cried when I read that. We emailed her back, but haven’t heard back… So this one's for you, S. (and your kids), with love from me & everyone in the gishwhes family: Find a local hospital or cancer center and coordinate with them to deliver a comfort bag(s) to a patient. Fill a cheerfully decorated canvas or cloth bag with items to provide palliative relief and comfort to a cancer patient: soft eye masks, scarves, a soft blanket, socks, ginger tea or candy, unscented natural lip balm, sudoku or coloring books, puzzles, poems, etc. Include a note of support or encouragement if you wish. (Please don't say "get well soon.” Phrasing like, "we're sending you our love" is better.) Please do not take a picture with the recipient... Just the bag. We trust you to deliver.

#203 / PHOTO / 40 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Bearby Von Bearamucci has an interview for a position as White House Communications Director on Saturday, August 12th at 8pm ET sharp! He was all set to drive the Gishbus across the country, but its engine wouldn’t start and he has a terrible fear of flying. He’s counting on gishers to help get him from Redding, California to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC before his appointment (by passenger car or truck only. NO PLANES, TRAINS, SHIPPING SERVICES, OR BUSES). Your instructions are here. Coordinate with other gishers to pick up Bearby and take him at least 5 miles, but no more than 100 miles, from your starting point. On your leg of the journey, post a pic of you, Bearby, and the gisher you’re handing him off to at a diner, rest stop, or point of interest (please geo-tag the location). Tag @gishwhes, the next gisher, and @BearbyVonB and use hashtag #GetTheBearThere. You MUST hand Bearby off to the next gisher to complete your Item or you get zero points. Submit your photo with Bearby to us and provide a link to your post in the comments field of the submit page. You will get 40 points if you take a picture with Bearby and a sign with your team name on it, or 60 points if you take a photo with Bearby and transport him (please include side-by-side image of the map points as well). If he makes it to his appointment at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in D.C. by 8 PM ET on August 12th, you will get an additional 50% in points (for a grand total of 60 points for photo only, 90 points for photo + transportation). Yes, we know how convoluted this item is and that it seems destined for failure— but I believe you’ll spit in failure’s eye and say, “Not today!” Sidebar: gishwhes HQ nearly came to blows as we debated over whether providing maps and tools to help facilitate your journey was “helping” and therefore “cheating”, but after a rousing bout of coleslaw-wrestling, “Team Give Them Maps” claimed creamy victory, and so you may use these resources to help you coordinate the journey. But feel free to ignore the map entirely. Because you’re better than that. IMPORTANT NOTES: 1. Members of the same team cannot collect multiple submissions for this item. 2. Make sure other teams get the chance to help Bearby! Yes, this means you can communicate and walk the line of “collaboration” in your hand-off attempts. 3. Individuals transporting Bearby must take him at least 5 miles or up to 100 miles in one trip. 4. You may NOT take him near your homes. We have a GPS locator on Bearby (due to past felonies) so we don’t want to compromise your home locations. 5. Do not exceed the speed limit by more than 5 miles per hour, because that’s what the cops are cool with, obviously. This isn’t Cannonball Run. Make it happen, gishers. Bearby is counting on you to help him land his dream job! // UPDATE: Mileage limit increased from 50 to 100 mile trip.

#204 / PHOTO / 40 POINTS / Escape Gishwhes! https://www.gishwhes.com/escape-room/. If you manage to break out of this wild ride of mystery and mayhem, you’ll be prompted to enter your Team Name to document your success via an online form. BEFORE YOU HIT THE SUBMIT BUTTON, take a screenshot showing your team name in the Text Input Field and save the image, THEN hit the SUBMIT button. Your submission will be uploading the screenshot on our item list (backed up by what the online form sends gishbot).

#205 / PHOTO / 28 POINTS / We've received a bit of criticism that the hunt is "not really a scavenger hunt, it's just Misha getting people to help him with his chores." I'm honestly shocked anyone would say that! Also, people have been complaining that there are "too many geographically specific items" (items that require you to show up at a certain place). I want you to know that I'm listening and processing your feedback! So, I'm adding the following item: Help me help you help me help myself. Show up at 10 AM PDT sharp on August 11th at this location in Bellingham, WA. Wear long sleeves (pants and shirt) and bring a small bucket. Pick at least ONE quart of blackberries and DEPOSIT them into my big vessel so I can make lots of jam. For the item submission you must do two things: 1) You must find the woman in the sock monkey hat with the sheet of paper who is taking down team names and 2) You must take a photo of yourself with your bucket of berries. We will cross-check our list with your submitted photo as your proof. No taking pictures with me, because last year we did that and it ended up taking forever. If no one one on your team lives nearby, you may assign a surrogate, but no surrogate may service more than one team.

#206 / PHOTO / 17 POINTS / We got this letter to our support gnomes:

Name: [REDACTED]

Message : Hello Gishpeople. I want to question why there are so many specific-locations-that-aren't-Sweden only items, and no Sweden only items. I speak for all Swedes when we say that we find this very saddening. We don't understand how you could miss out on an opportunity like this, since Sweden is a very beautiful country, containting great things such as Dalahästar.

We, as a nation, expect a formal apology for this, of course.

All our love, and some sad wonders,

[REDACTED]

Sweden, you're absolutely right! You are a beautiful country and it's time we stopped overlooking you. You deserve a formal apology as requested and so in the interest of international diplomacy, it's our duty to deliver and rectify this egregious oversight. With that in mind, (I hope you'll forgive me but this is a location-specific image to appease Sweden, guys): Take a picture of yourself in front of the biggest landmark or point of interest in your town while holding a beautiful hand-lettered sign that reads, "We Are Sorry, Sweden". This is a location-based item, so you may do this anywhere in the world... except Sweden.

#207 / PHOTO / 48 POINTS / Nothing says "good life choices" like a last-minute rush job tattoo. Get inked with a tattoo that includes "We create therefore we live" or another gishy quote written in any language other than English. Feel free to adorn it with mascots or other hunt-inspired iconography. PS: Don't try to repurpose an old tattoo— we'll be able to tell and your team will be docked points.

#208 / PHOTO / 18 POINTS / As you know, no one was able to successfully find Jared Padalecki or Jensen Ackles' balls in Canada. Misha's balls are a lot easier to find... maybe because they really get around. Find Misha's balls in any of the following locations & take a picture with them. Then put them back EXACTLY where you found them so another team can have a chance to get their hands on Misha's balls, too. LOCATIONS: near the Cathedral Basilica, Newark, NJ; outside Gatorland, Orlando, FL, near Rothko Chapel in Houston, Texas.

#209 / PHOTO / 77 POINTS / Gishwhes is over tonight! Forever! The crumbs of the great multi-year, wild and weird global feast are soon to be all that's left. Let's see you work magic on these crumbs (real bread crumbs or whatever other crumbs you wish to use) and turn them into a portrait of actor Misha Collins. -the Gish Gnomes

#gishwhes #gish #gishwhes list of items #gish list of items #Misha Collins #gishwhes 2017 #gishwhes item list #post of postiness

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