#'do you always book your flights this late' bitch yes I also need to know if my visa is getting renewed first before I go.

[theo-decker]

I might go to Hong Kong at CNY actually... my Wong Kar Wai era........... Walk around smoking cigarettes and being mournful ........

[laurie-stark]

Unwanted-Peter Parker

Summary: Y/n Stark gets more than she bargains for when she joins her Pops, Captian America, for the civil war of the century.

Pairings: Tony Stark x Daughter!Reader, Natasha Romanoff x Daughter!Reader, Steve Rogers x Daughter!Reader, Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Warnings: swearing, fighting

A/N: Just so you don't get too confused, Y/n is Tony Stark's biological child, however, she was raised by the Avengers and refers to Natasha and Steve as Mama and Pops. Also I wrote this a year ago LOL. Enjoy x

Part Two

New York, 2016

This was bad. Very, very bad. I had seen the secretary come in the compound over the screen of the security monitors. He marched into my home, unannounced and unwelcome, holding himself with purpose. I followed him over the screens, tracking his movements. I watched as he was led through the building, up the elevator and into...the conference room? Oh this was bad. Very, very bad.

I raced as fast as I could. By the time I got the to conference room, the whole group was already sitting in front of the secretary. I saw Wanda first. Her back was to me, but I could see her rigid frame and I knew something was happening. My  father saw me approaching through the glass walls. He shot me a look that said "Don't do it. Don't come in here." I didn't obey.

The secretary stopped speaking abruptly when I walked through the doors. He gave me a quizzical look, did a once over and immediately looked at my father. Surely I don't look that much like Tony.

"Sorry I'm late, no one informed me about this team meeting," I gasped, short of breath from all the running. Of course, this was pushing it. As much as I wanted to be a part of the group, fighting was not my style, so I often got left out of important Avengers activities. I got to live with them, but that was it. Tony rose from his seat. He mumbled an apology to the secretary and gently ushered I out of the room. I would have fought back, but seeing the look on my father's face was enough to shut me up. And I never shut up. The secretary resumed his story. Something about golf and a heart attack.

My dad turned to face me. "Look kid, I get that you want to know what's going on, and you will, but today isn't the day."

"Okay," I said. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's okay to be curious," he replied, walking back into the meeting. "Stay upstairs, okay hun?" I nodded and started the trek back up to my room. I shut the door and flopped onto my bed. Out of my long list of pet peeves, this was number one. Sure, I didn't want to fight, but come on family, I should at least get to be in on what's going on! Maybe I could help. I have powers for God sake. I am more than capable of helping the Avengers. But they always saw me as the little girl who needs protection.

"April, pull up security footage of the conference room please," I asked. April, the AI I built, that was modeled after Friday, projected the video surveillance from the ceiling. "Volume up." The group was in the same position as from when I left. The secretary was passing around the room. There was a thick white book being passed around the table.

"The Avengers were formed to make the world a safer place," Steve said quietly. "I feel we've done that."

The secretary looked down at him. "Tell me Cap, do you know where Thor and Banner are right now?" What? You were so confused. Why did the secretary care where my uncles were? No one answered the secretary's question, so he kept talking. I racked your brain to find the answers on my own. "...this is the middle ground." The secretary pointed at the book, now lying untouched on the table.

"And if we come to a decision you don't like?" Natasha asked.

"The you retire," the secretary responded. With that, he left the room and I scurried back downstairs.

Everyone was in the living room. I sat in the stairwell, again being uninvited to this group discussion. I listened to them fight. I figured out what was going on. The United Nations were being ungrateful little bitches and hated that they didn't have control over my family. So they gave an ultimatum: give in or give up. From the sounds of it, Uncle Rhodes, Vision and two of my four parents were in agreement with the accords. Steve and Sam were against it. Wanda hadn't said a word. Tension was growing high, I could feel it. I heard my father conclude that he won and a thud of the accords being tossed on the coffee table. Someone got up and left. Before I had the chance to act, the door to the stairwell was torn open. Steve pushed through and nearly stepped on me.

"Eavesdropping?" He smiled.

"You kicked me out, what else am I supposed to do?" I retorted. I noticed the tears welling in Steve's eyes. "Pops, what's wrong?"

Steve's glance fluttered to the ground. "Peggy. She, um..." was all he said. All he had to say. I  was smart enough to read between the lines. I stepped forward and hugged Steve. He smiled, grateful that he had me. I knew how much Peggy meant to him. When I was little, he'd always tell me the story about how they met, how they never got that dance. And every time I would make him dance with me. He even took me to visit her once. I was ten and it was Christmas time. Steve told me that he wanted his favorite girl to meet his favorite niece. Now that was all but a memory. I held him tight before telling him to go. It was okay, I could handle the others. He left without a second glance.

Within days the team was scattered. Steve and Sam had gone to Peggy's funeral. Natasha was off to the signing of the Accords in Vienna. And then all hell broke loose when the bombs went off at the signing ceremony. As always, I  were left home. I had no idea what was going on. At first this break in the team was about the Accords, but somehow Steve's old pal Bucky got involved. I didn't know what to think. The next thing I knew, everyone left for Berlin to rescue Steve and Sam from jail, leaving myself, Wanda and Vision at home.

When night fell, I was in my room, sulking as one would say. I was spending my evening flipping through Tumblr. There was a new superhero everyone was talking about. He called himself Spider-Man. New York based, focused on small neighborhood crimes. By YouTube footage alone, it was obvious he was a rookie. Soon enough, though, I accidentally conducted a full fledged search on this guy. He seemed shady. Sure, he's helping old ladies cross the street and all, but he just has a vibe. I couldn't put my finger on it. April broke me out of my research when she told me that there was a security breach in the compound. I pulled up the security camera footage and saw Clint Barton in my living room with Wanda levitating a knife at his nose.

I rushed downstairs. When I got to the living room Vision was holding Clint by the neck. I watched in silence as Wanda used her powers on Vision. She made it look easy. Slowly, Vision sunk to his knees. Wanda pushed further and the floor gave way. Vision was pushed through all seventy-four thousand levels of the compound. Wanda and Clint were about to turn to run out when you revealed yourself.

"Now was that really necessary?" I smirked. "We just had the floors waxed."

"Y/n," Clint warned.

"I'm not sitting on my ass," I said. Clint smirked and nodded. He knew he couldn't stop me anyways.

One car ride, plane flight and van trip later, I was in Germany. As it turns out, Steve wanted Clint and Wanda on his side, along with some ant dude named Scott. Scott was cool. Him and I sat together on the plane ride and watched Die Hard. He was asleep in the van when we pulled over in the airport parking lot. Clint told me to stay in the van. For once, I listened. I heard voices belonging to Steve and Sam. Clint slid open the van doors abruptly, shaking Scott awake. I chuckled to myself as he fangirled over my Pops. A voice over the intercom said something in a language I didn't know. A voice I didn't recognize said that the airport was being evacuated.

"Stark." Sam muttered.

Scott looked puzzled. Clearly he hadn't been filled in either. "Stark?" he asked.

I step out of the van. "Yes?" Steve and Sam look at me with wide eyes. Clint gave Steve a sheepish shrug. Behind their little blue car stood Bucky Barnes. I knew who he was. I learned about him in school. I knew he was some evil super soldier that attacked Natasha and Steve. He looked scary. He looked exactly like the type of guy to hurt my Mama and Pops. I held his glance until Steve spoke up.

"Y/n, what are you doing here?" Steve whisper-shouted. His voice always got quiet when he 'yelled' at me.

"I hitchhiked." I replied, knowing that at this point Steve didn't have the time to argue with me. He shook his head in defeat and took a deep breath.

"Suit up."

The airport was huge. Our group got suited up and started for the runway. I didn't know how Steve knew where to find my dad, but I followed him anyways. Before I could get any closer, Bucky held me back.

"It's, uh, not gonna be safe. You should stay here and keep low," he said. I frowned. I did not come all this way to not fight. But even still, I nodded. Bucky scared me. He and Sam took off in another direction to find the getaway jet. I laughed. This whole thing was ridiculous. My attention turned to the sound of my father and Rhodey flying down from the sky.

"Ross gave me 36 hours to bring you in," Tony started. "That was 24 hours ago. Can you help a brother out?"

"You're after the wrong guy," Steve replied nonchalantly.

"Your judgement is askew. Your old war buddy killed innocent people yesterday-"

"And there are five more super soldiers just like him. I can't let the doctor find 'em first Tony. I can't."

"Steve," Natasha approached him slowly. "You know what's about to happen. Do you really wanna punch your way out of this one?"

I took this as my cue. "No, but I will," I said, emerging from my hiding spot. I looked at the faces of your family. My gaze fell on Tony and my smile dropped. He looked angry.

"You brought my daughter into this?" Tony yelled, turning to Steve.

"Technically, I brought myself," I said. "You really think you were gonna leave me out of all the fun?"

Tony pinched his brow. "Y/n, this is serious."

"No it's not," I objected. "No, this got personal the second you thought you were gonna loose Pops to Bucky." No one moved after I said that.

"Alright, I've run out of patience," my father finally spoke. He cupped his hands around his mouth. "Underoos!"

Before I had a chance to process, a red and black blur whipped past my head. It landed on top of a nearby van. It was Spider-Man. As in the Spider-Man. He had taken Cap's shield from him. I said nothing. My father could have recruited me, but instead he chose this little neighborhood nobody. That hurt a little. The Spider-thing and my father bantered for a minute. So he's never even been in a real fight before, I thought.

"You've been busy," Steve smirked.

Tony turned back to Steve. "And you've been a complete idiot. Dragging in Clint and Y/n, rescuing Wanda from a place she doesn't even want to leave, a safe place. I'm trying to keep-" he paused, sighing. "I'm trying to keep to keep you from tearing the Avengers apart."

"You did that when you signed." Steve kept his cool. My father did not.

"Alright, we're done. You're gonna turn Barnes over, you're gonna come with us, now, because it's us! Or squad of J-SOC guys with no compunction of being polite. Come on."

Everyone stood still, waiting. Steve put his web-cuffed hands in the air. Clint shot them free from a mile away. I saw Scott -or a tiny version of him. Spider-Man noticed too, right before Scott grew and kicked him in the face. My dad flew off to retrieve Wanda and Rhodey was ready to take on Cap.

"Hey Mr. Stark, what should I do?" Spider-Man asked. He sounded young.

"What we discussed, keep your distance, web 'em up!" My father barked, as he flew towards Clint and Wanda.

"Okay, copy that," Spider-Man replied. He shot a web at me first. It caught my arm and I got whipped to the ground. I glared at him.

"Really?" I hissed.

"Just following Mr. Stark's orders," He said before swinging off after Bucky. I was left on the ground once everyone dispersed. I tried pulling my hand out of the sticky material that was shot at me, but it was stronger than glue. I was forced to watch the action unfold and wait until Natasha ran past me.

"Mama, a little help here?" I called out to her.

She stopped for a second. "Sorry honey, I really don't want you getting hurt." She ran off and I groaned. No one ever wants me to get hurt. I suppose I should be grateful, but in a moment like this, gratitude is hard to find. I started toying with the web. I wondered if I could break down the molecules. Surely there had to be some sort of H2O compound in it somewhere.

My power surged through me, the current flowing to the hand webbed to the ground. I managed to manipulate the water out, just as I predicted I would. The substance melted off my hands. Gross, I thought. I wiped the remaining web on my pants and got up. The water from the webbing fell to the ground with a splash.

I stood up and examined my surroundings. Natasha was on the ground fighting Scott, who shrunk down and flipped her over her own head. The Black Panther was on the other side of the roof, battling Steve. I didn't move. As much as I wanted to be included, I couldn't bring myself to fight. Not now at least.

The two teams assembled, divided by a line on the pavement. How cinematic. I was on Cap's side. I never meant to fight against my father. If anything, I thought it was funny. I looked out at the team in front of me. They were all lined up, Rhodey, the cat, Tony, Nat, the Spider-brat. Vision hovered above them. A bead of sweat trickled down the back of my neck. I were scared. I wasn't made to fight.

"What do we do Cap?" Sam asked.

"We fight." Steve moved first. We followed in suit. My dad's team mimicked my team's actions and walked closer. We  broke into a jog and then a full out run. This was really about to happen. I hoped that my family would go easy on me. I knew what I was doing. I reassured myself of that. I have done a bunch of training, especially with Wanda. I could move the freaking elements with my mind and manipulate gravity! As if the Spider-Man could beat that. I am Y/n fricking Stark. I can do this.

I put a smile on your face, contrasting everyone else's bitter looks. "I call the spider!" I yelled, just as everyone began the battle. Spider-Man heard me and slowed down just a bit. I cocked an eyebrow. He resumed his pace and ran straight for me. I ran headfirst towards him. He threw out his arm to web me, but I was faster. With a swish of my hands, I changed his gravitational pull and made his feet flip out from under him. He landed on his back with a hard thud. As gently as I could, I morphed the pavement under him to trap his hands. "Careful there, Spider-boy. Don't wanna get stepped on." I walked away. I made it about ten steps before I heard the sound of concrete cracking. I turned around and saw that Spider-Man was breaking free of his restraints. I was shocked. He has super strength. Great. I should have moved out of his way because the second he got one hand free, I was webbed against a truck.

"For the record," he said, getting up in my face. "It's Spider-Man." He swung off into the airport through a glass window. I watched the glass rained onto the ground. Taking a deep breath, I quickly removed myself from the webs. I needed a plan. A strategy. I thought about at the opposing team. Everyone was scattered around the airport. I thought about who would be easiest to fight. But then I realized, the strategy wasn't about how they'd fight, but who. There was no way in hell that my parents or Uncle Rhodey would even think about fighting me. The Black Panther didn't know me, so he was a threat. The worst Vision could do was pick me up and fly away, so he was in thr safe zone. That left the spider. I smiled to myself. Rematch time.

By the time I found Spider-Man, he had already webbed Sam and Bucky to the floor. He was perched on top of a light post, saying something about impressing my father. Sam's mini falcon whizzed past me and grabbed Spider-Man by the web. He got pulled out a window, banging his side into the pane on the way out. I ran over to Sam and Bucky. Quickly, I destroyed the webbing and helped them up. They both gave me a quick "Thanks kid," before running back out. I followed them, staying loose on their trail.

Once I got outside my eyes scanned the area for the Spider. I saw Wanda piling cars on my father and Natasha fighting Clint. Then I spotted him, fighting Cap. He was underneath a jet bridge . Cap threw his shield at the support beams and the whole thing fell on top of Spider-Man. He caught it of course, but Cap ran away. I formed my plan.

"Hey!" I called out. I walked around the collapsing jet bridge. I stood in front of the struggling boy. Or man, I didn't know. "Remember me?"

"Heh, how could I forget such a pretty face," he grunted, starting to fold under the weight of the jet bridge. "You wanna give me a hand?" I glared at his face comment, but lifted the jet bridge anyway. He ran out and I let it fall. Both of us stopped for a minute, gasping for breath beside the rubble. He was close enough to hit. So I did. Without warning I threw a punch of air at him. It hit him right in the chest and he got blown back into the side of a van. "What the hell man?" He got up and shot a web at me. I dodged and threw another gust of wind. It shot him out of the air. He webbed at a pole and swung past my face. I redirected his gravitational pull, but not before he got a kick to my face. We both got thrown in different directions. I landed hard on the ground, pain shooting up my spine. I got up first, now angry. Forgetting about my powers, I lunged at him and threw a punch. I missed and he shot webs at my feet, holding me down. Immediately, I dissolved them and Spider-Man's eyes widened. Well, his mask's eye holes did anyway.

"How did you do that?" He yelled. "What kind of witchcraft-"

"Its not witchcraft," I spat. "It's called manipulation of the elements, look it up. I figured there had to be some water compound in this and I was right. All I had to do was remove it."

"That's so cool! And how did you do the foot thing earlier? Was that just the wind you do or do you have telekinesis too? Are you like the Scarlet Witch?" He rambled on. I took this to my advantage and caught him off guard. I used the van he'd hit earlier to become his gravitational pull and yanked. He went slamming into it and groaned. When he tried to get back up, I was already five steps ahead of him. Morphing the earth metals in the van, I contorted it into a shell that crushed Spider-Man until he was covered and stuck.

I heard Scott say that he was gonna tear himself in half over the earpiece. I got distracted from holding Spider-Man down and turned to see a giant Scott. Spider-Man broke free. He tore the shell off himself and threw it at me. I was wacked across the side and fell the the ground again.

"Holy shit!" he says, looking at Scott. His back was to me and I gave him one last wind push. He fell on his face and I laughed. "Oh come on, don't you have some dolls to play with or something?" I just scoffed and walked past him, stepping past his hand that was on the ground. He let out a yelp and you kept walking. Dolls, I thought. I'm thirteen I don't play with dolls. I watched as the rest of the battle went down. I wasn't quite sure what to do. I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

Natasha was standing just behind me. "Come with me." We started jogging off. It was natural for me to listen to her. I realized about five seconds in that technically she was my enemy right about now, but I shrugged it off. I ran through the fight, past the big Scott and towards a warehouse. I could see the outline of a jet get bigger as I approached it. Natasha stopped behind the entrance. She was waiting.

"So what do we do?" I asked.

"We wait to fight," She replied, not taking her eyes off the horizon. I came to realize this probably means I would be fighting her. Maybe she wanted to use me as a hostage or something. No, that's silly. Right?

Steve and Bucky got closer to the building I was in. They nearly made it until Vision laser beamed the shit out of a nearby communications tower. Wanda caught it before it fell, giving the two men time to race towards the jet. I stepped out to help Wanda. The both of us were able to hold the rubble long enough for Steve and Bucky to get through. I panted, proud of myself for getting this far.

A searing pain sliced through my brain. Both myself and Wanda fell to the ground, screaming. I could barely look up to see that Rhodey was sending some sort of wave through the air. The tower fell and Natasha was quick to haul me out of the way before I got crushed. I might be better than Spider-Man, but I definitely don't have his super strength.

Steve and Bucky still managed to get through the falling paces of metal and concrete. Natasha left my side and marched swiftly towards the two men. I couldn't hear them, but I could sense the tension from a mile away. Natasha lifted her arm, taser aimed and ready. Steve held his shield up in defense as Natasha shoots....the Black Panther? I guess she's on our side now? The jet started to take off and you watch an Natasha continues to battle the Panther. I fell to my side, wiped out.

My father flew into the warehouse just as the jet leaves. You thought maybe he was going to fight Natasha for betraying him. I was wrong. He was coming for me. He landed beside me and dropped to his knees. His helmet closed and I could see the worry plastered on his cut up face. He knelt beside me and gently held me up.

"Are you okay?" he asked. I nodded, not really able to make words. He looked over at Natasha, who was looking at us. She had an apologetic look, but I know she doesn't regret letting Cap go. My father let me go and charged off after the jet plane. I lied down, enjoying the feeling of cold concrete against your skin. I closed my eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I paced around the living room, driving Nat crazy. I knew that the second my father got home I would be in deep shit. So when Friday alerted me that Tony was home my heart rate went up 29373%. The battle, this fight, it ended worse then I could have imagined. Natasha told me that my father could have died. Rhodey was paralyzed from the waist down. I had no idea if I'd ever see my Pops again. This was bad. Very, very bad.

I slowly walked down the main hall towards the front doors. I was scared. My hands and the back of my neck were sweating. I knew exactly what was coming. Every time I had asked my dad if I could be an honorary Avenger, I got the same lecture. That it was too dangerous, I didn't have the proper training and it's too much for his little girl to handle. Even when I asked to just be a part of the business side of the team, Tony laughed and said no. I've broken a lot of my father's rules, but this was the line. And I had gone so far over.

As I approached the front door, I could hear my father speaking. I heard another voice too. My heart dropped. It was Spider-Man. Why was Spider-Man here? I ducked behind a wall and listened in to the conversation.

"...outstanding job kid. Your fighting technique was on par. And, listen, I know we're not allowed to have kids on this team, but if we need you again, we'll call." I heard my father say.

"Thanks Mr. Stark. This was so cool," Spider-Man replied. I wondered if he had his suit on or not. I wanted to know who this guy was. I revealed myself from behind the wall. The two looked at me. I looked at my father first and fought the urge to burst into tears. He looked awful. His face was all cut up and the black eye he got was still a little swollen. I glanced at the figure beside him and frowned. Spider-Man was a kid. He looked like he was my age. He had a mop of curly brown hair and doe eyes. He was almost equally as beat up as my dad and I gracefully took credit for that.

"Y/n, this is Peter. He's, uh, one of my interns. Kid, this is Y/n," Tony said. My annoyance turned to anger. Now my father was lying to me?

"How old are you?" I asked, eyes narrowing. I knew that I sounded rude, but this kid had kicked me in the face twice. I didn't think he deserved my manners.

"I'm fourteen," Peter gulped. A year older than me. And I kicked his ass, I thought. "You gave me quite a fight back in Berlin."

"Yeah and I beat your ass doing it."

"Speaking of which," Tony spoke up, "I have to talk to Y/n about that. Happy will take you home Peter." Peter nodded and said goodbye to my father. He said goodbye to me, to which I didn't reply. Peter frowned at that as he walked out the door.

My dad turned to me when the door shut. "What," he began, "were you thinking?"

"Well I-"

"No. This is where you listen. Do you know how dangerous that mission was. Do you know how many people got hurt? You saw what happened to Rhodey, that could have been you!"

"But it wasn't" I retorted.

Tony's frown deepened. "That is not the point. You put yourself in serious danger, and for what? So you could feel a little more included? You could have died. This was my one rule, my one ask of you, and your broke it."

"Oh, come on now, I'm a Stark, it's in our blood to not listen to our fathers." My father gave me the coldest look and I shut down. I took a deep breath. "Look, I didn't know that it was gonna be this bad. You know me, daddy, I'm not a fighter, I'm not some hero. You think I would have gone if I knew it would turn out like this? I thought this was just gonna be another one your you and Pops' stupid fights. And yes, I could have gotten hurt, but I think I handled myself pretty well. You saw what I did you that little protege of yours. I beat him to the curb."

"Y/n you were reckless. Peter was prepared for this, he was ready."

"And I still beat him."

"Y/n you're not listening to me. This is why I chose Peter over you. I would have taken you if I knew you wouldn't do something stupid. But you did anyway." And with that he walked away, leaving me, teary-eyed in the front hall.

Tony came by my room later that night to apologize. He said that he was sorry for being harsh, that he just cared about me and I scared him. I knew he meant it and I forgave him, because that's what we do. Besides, it wasn't Tony I was angry with. This is why I chose Peter over you. Tony's words echoed through my head. I knew that he loved me more, I'm his daughter, he had to. But I were jealous. Jealous that stupid Peter Parker got the praise for the work I've wanted to hear for ages. And mad at that stupid spider for being stupid.

This is when I decided that I hate Peter Parker.

[outerbankspreferences]

Flight - Rudy Pankow

A/N: This makes Elaine out to be a bitch, but I don’t think she is. I support her and Rudy 100% and think they make a wonderful couple. It was more for the plot. 

Word Count: 1885

MASTERLIST

Flying had never been a problem before. You’ve never had to film anywhere that you couldn’t drive to. You had done some acting jobs around LA, and one time you went to Nashville before getting a part in Season 2 for Outer Banks. Netflix had offered to pay for you to fly out to North Carolina, but you opted for driving instead. You didn’t know anyone you were filming with, so you drove yourself.

Of course, you had been dreading filming in Barbados since you got the part. You had the biggest fear of flying and had been avoiding it since you were little. When you got the email from Netflix that contained your ticket to say that you were panicked was an understatement. Drew, Chase, and Maddie C. were already in Barbados, so it was going to be you, Rudy, Jonathan, Elaine and Maddie B. Everyone was just going to carpool to the airport. 

Rudy had a thing for you since he met you at the first table read for season 2. You were shy at first but quickly came out of your shell when you started to get to know everyone. Rudy thought you were hilarious and enjoyed your company so that’s what caused him to be knocking on your door the night before you guys had to leave for your flight.

 When you opened the door in your sweatpants and messy bun, he still thought you looked beautiful. “Hey, I thought you would be asleep.” Rudy spoke up and you moved to let him in your apartment. “Yeah well, I guess I’m a nervous flyer.” You laughed to yourself, “do you want a cup of tea?” You asked grabbing one of your mugs. Rudy had noticed your book and mug in the living room when he sat on the couch. “I hope I’m not interrupting you” Rudy spoke up as you walked into the living room handing him a drink. “No, you’re not, I just figured I’d pass the time until I fell asleep.” You responded, the both of you sitting on the couch. “I didn’t know you’re a nervous flyer, what did you do when you had to come to North Carolina?” Rudy questioned. “Uh, I drove.” You shrugged like it was the simplest thing to do. “What, that’s like a 3-day drive.” He said baffled by your answer. “Well yeah, but it’s a good way to see the country.” You laughed thinking about the memories you made on the solo road trip. “And you did it by yourself? That’s badass Y/L/N.” Rudy said smirking.

 The two of talked the whole night away and you showed him pictures of your trip across the country and told him all the stories. Rudy thought that he could listen to you talk all night, even after he started to get tired. He finally excused himself from you place promising to sit with you on the plane tomorrow to ease your mind.

 You woke up the next morning with a sick feeling in your stomach and it only got worse at the thought of getting on an airplane. You got the rest of your last-minute things packed up and brought out by your door getting ready to meet everyone at JD’s car. You were the last to show up when Elaine shouted out to you. “I thought you weren’t going to show.” She spoke with a snarky tone, and Rudy nudge her shoulder getting her to knock it off. “Yeah, well I’ll probably be late to my own funeral.” You laughed trying to ease the tension. You guys all piled in the car and Elaine took the opportunity to sit next to Rudy and made you sit in front with JD, while Maddison sat in the back.

Elaine also had a thing for Rudy and didn’t enjoy you showing up to take his attention away. Everyone thought they were going to get together after season 1 but it never happened. Then you came along, and Rudy pulled all his attention to you. Elaine wasn’t too secretive about her hatred towards you, but you just brushed it off as a mild insecurity and jealousy. You weren’t angry that you had to sit up front but instead talked to JD and tried to ease some of your nerves. No one else knew that you were a nervous flyer and you preferred to keep it that way. Even though it was something simple, you were still embarrassed.

Once you guys got to the airport the nerves got even worse. Because of the pandemic you guys had to wear mask and you also had sunglasses on, so it was hard for people to recognize you guys. Rudy helped you carry your bag into the airport and then guided you to TSA. “Have you ever been in an airport?” Rudy asked whispering in your ear so no one could hear. “Uh once when I was little with my mom. We had to pick up my grandma.” You responded. Your eyes darted around to all the people and different screens and you started to get overwhelmed. Rudy could sense that you were started to get anxious and put a hand at the small of your back pulling you closer to him. “We’ll get checked in and then go get some air, okay?” He explained grabbing his passport and paperwork. You pulled yours out of your purse and laughed when he saw that you had everything in a little Ziploc baggy. “Alright, that’s the most mom-like thing I’ve ever seen” he said.

 Rudy helped you get through the process of security and then you guys were about to go outside when Elaine spoke up, “where are you guys going?” She asked almost annoyed of you guys leaving. “Y/N/N and I are going to find the bathroom. Safety in numbers.” Rudy fibbed, pulling you along. Once you guys got outside the two of you sat on a bench close enough to your gate that you wouldn’t have to rush when your flight got called. Rudy watched your body relax a bit when you weren’t stuck inside.

 “It’s going to be okay Y/N/N.” Rudy spoke pulling you to sit on the bench with him. “I know, I know.” You said half trying to convince yourself. “I’ll be next to you the whole time, and we can just talk, or you can read your book. It’ll be over before you know it.” He spoke and put a hand on your shoulder, and he could feel your breathing increase. He knew what was happening, you were about to have an anxiety attack, “okay Y/N, you need to take a deep breath.” He rubbed small circles on your back. “I can’t do this Rudy; I can’t be in that death box for over 11 hours.” You spoke and your voice starts to shake. You look over at Rudy and he’s got a concerned look on his face. He takes your face in his hands forcing you to look at him, “you’re going to be okay Y/N, I’m going to be with you the whole time. Nothing is going to happen, just please take a deep breath.” He spoke firmly but you could feel the softness of his hands. “You promise?” “Of course, I would never let anything bad happen to you.” You nodded your hands in his grip, but he didn’t let go and you could feel his hot breath on your face. Rudy was looking into your eyes and then his eye flicked down to your lips and you could feel yourself getting nervous again but this time it wasn’t the flight, but because of how close Rudy was too you.

 Rudy leaned in closer, and you let your eye flutter shut. You felt Rudy gently place his lips on top of yours and you pushed yourself closer to him to deepen the kiss. It that moment it felt like you were on cloud nine, as if it were only you and Rudy left in the world. Rudy pulled away and left you smiling like and idiot. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while now.” He whispered, and you kissed him again. “Me too.” The two of you giggled and then heard your flight get called. “Just remember, I’m here the whole time.”

When the two of you got back to the gate the others had already boarded expect for Elaine. When Rudy saw her, you could feel his grip on your hand tighten. “There you guys are, what took so long?” She asked seeming annoyed. “The just called for the flight, we’re not that late.” You spoke up, and Elaine rolled her eyes at you. “I saved you spot next to me Rudy, Y/N can sit next to Madison.” She explained pulling at Rudy’s arm. “Uh that’s okay, Y/N is kind of nervous so I said I would sit with her.” He explained trying not to be rude. Elaine scuffed, and the three of you boarded the plane. You were sat right behind Maddie, JD and Elaine, “here take the window seat, it’ll make it easier on you.” He said stepping to the side so you could get in. The flight attendant was giving the inflight instructions, explaining how to put the oxygen masks on and your leg started to shake. Rudy noticed and put his hand on your thigh, “it’s okay, they have to explain all this stuff Y/N/N.” He whispered in your ear kissing your cheek. You nodded in confirmation and soon enough the pilot was getting the plane ready for take off.

As the plane started to gain speed and lift in the air you watched out the window, and Rudy got you a drink of water for the flight. You guys had been flying for about an hour and you were looking out the window but Rudy’s grip on your thigh never left. He was talking to JD, when you guys hit some turbulence. You jumped and clung onto Rudy’s hand, “nervous flyer Y/L/N?” JD asked not missing the way you reacted. “I don’t know why she would take a job like this if she’s scared of flying. Kind of stupid if you ask me.” Elaine piped in making you feel embarrassed. “It’s not stupid Elaine, everyone is scared of something.” Rudy said defending you. “It’s fine babe, just a bit of turbulence.” He said and you blushed at the nickname. “Can we listen to music or something, I think I just need a distraction.” You asked, and Rudy pulled out his headphones.

“Thanks.” You spoke, not really knowing what to say to him, “I owe you big time.” Rudy laughed, “it’s no problem. When we get to Barbados you can self isolate with me if you want.” He responded. “I hope I’m not being to forward, but I’ve had a crush on you for a while now, and I’m going to assume you feel the same for me.” He explained. You did have feelings for Rudy, you always had but you kept your distance because you thought he had a thing for Elaine. “I would love too self isolate with you. it would be much better then doing it alone.” You said leaning in to kiss him. “And yes, I like you too.”

TAG LIST:

@lemur46 @drewstarkeysbitchh @taylathornton

[jimlingss]

Sugar and Coffee [15]

Chapter 14 - Chapter 15 - Chapter 15.5 OR Chapter 16

➜ Words: 3.4k

➜ Genres: 99.5% Fluff, 0.5% Angst, Pâtisserie school!AU

➜ Summary: It isn't hard to be a pâtisserie chef, but it's not a piece of cake either. It seems like for you in particular, life keeps throwing in one wrench after another. It always finds ways to make your sweets bitter. The cherry on top is Jeon Jungkook — a rival with a sensitive sweet tooth who always finds ways to complain about you.

cr.

The white noise rings your ears.   It’s cramped — your legs are aching and you try to shift your other butt cheek off to alleviate the soreness of your bottom. There’s a baby crying a few rows away, the lavatory doors opening and closing, and not to mention, the constant whirring of the plane engine.    You look over to your left. The bitch Jeon Jungkook stole the window seat and now he’s oblivious to your suffering. His doe eyes are pinpointed on the small screen in front of him, headphones in, watching some kind of action movie. Your eyes stray to the screen for a second, but the flashing gets too much and you shut your lids.   You should’ve gotten one of those neck pillows to rest in, even if they were grossly overpriced at the airport.   But there’s no other choice. You put your elbow on the armrest, palm trying to hold up your heavy head and support the weight. As you doze off, your head bobs painfully. You lean back again, trying to find a spot, but to no avail. You nod off again and your neck nearly snaps.   Jungkook suddenly takes off his headphones. “Hey. You can use my shoulder, you know.”   “It’s fine,” you mumble, waving him off.   He stares at you for a second and then goes back to watching.   Though out of the corner of his eye a few minutes later, he notices your head lolling down, neck snapping again. He clicks his tongue in annoyance. “Tch.”   And Jungkook guides your head gently to his shoulder. Then, he flops his head on top of yours to keep it in place. Your breathing eventually steadies and he smiles, returning to his movie.   //   It’s a relief when you finally touch down and after several minutes, you’re finally able to grab your luggage and shuffle off the aircraft after hours of sitting there. Every bone in your body aches from the stiff seat, but you begin to feel a lot better when you step out of the airport.   The balmy weather hits you, the warm temperature embracing your being. You inhale the fresh air, able to see the blue ocean hugging the horizon, shimmering in the bright sunlight.    “Welcome to Tahiti, kids!” Namjoon looks over at the scenery with an equally satisfied expression as his wife. “Taxi ride is only six minutes away.”   “How was the flight for you two?” Sejeong asks.   “Not bad,” you answer, stepping on Jungkook’s foot when he mumbles something about his shoulder being sore and he laughs at your feigned ignorance.   The car drives all four of you to the resort and once you arrive, you’re overwhelmed by the warm welcome the people greet you with. The place is called the Intercontinental Tahiti Resort and Spa and it’s especially fancy for what you’re usually used to.   The lobby is grand, white pillars and high ceilings, bustling with tourists. There are people walking back and forth, flowers in their hair and around their necks, women’s dresses flowing, kids running about. The scent of the salted ocean fills your senses as the air conditioning cools your skin. You can’t believe you’re here.   “Feel free to get settled in today, you two. Take a look around and relax. We start baking tomorrow.” Sejeong hands you the confirmation forms to check yourselves in.    Both her and Namjoon are staying at one of the junior suite bungalows. They apologize for only being able to book the standard room for you and Jungkook, but you’re more than thankful already considering that this was a trip all-paid for.   You two are next in line at the lobby as Namjoon and Sejeong wave farewell, dragging their suitcases with them.    The woman behind the desk smiles. “Hello. How can I help you today?”   “We have a reservation.”   “Of course. Let’s take a look here.” She scans the paper and begins typing. “And your name is Jeon Jungkook?”   “That’s me.” He offers an ID and she nods, eyes skimming over it with a smile.   The woman hands over the key card and a booklet set with pamphlets. “Your room is two hundred twenty three on the second floor. Breakfast and lunch is included, this is also non-refundable. Your check out time will be at eleven a.m. There’s a few packages you can take advantage of during your time here. Room service is twenty four hours. If you ever need anything, feel free to call or come down to the lobby and we’ll help you out. Enjoy your stay!”   He nods slowly, but the woman looks off to the next people in line and you stop her before she can call them. “Wait. Is there….uh...my room?” You point to yourself.   She looks at you and then at her monitor. “It says two people are staying in this room. The standard room, correct?”   “Yes, but there’s supposed to be two rooms. One person in each, not one room.”   The woman takes the papers again, shuffling all of them. She types something into her computer and then shakes her head. “My apologies, it still says there’s two people staying in one room.”   “There must be some sort of mistake.”   “Should I call Namjoon?” Jungkook holds up his phone, brows knitted together.   “No, we shouldn’t bother them.” You don’t want to when it was clear they had plans to enjoy themselves for the rest of the day. With a sigh, you lean over the counter to the woman. “Umm...is there another room I can book?”   “Let me take a look here for you.” She clicks away. You wait with bated breath and yet again with your shittiest luck, she shakes her head. “I’m sorry. It looks like we’re fully booked here until the end of the month.”   You’re at a loss and you plead with the woman again as if it’ll somehow help. “Is there really nothing you can do?”   “My apologies. There aren’t any rooms available, so there’s nothing we can do at this time. We can give you free vouchers to the lounge area if you’d like for the trouble you’ve been through.” She takes something from underneath the front desk and slides it across the counter. “We get our wine from the famous winery here in French Polynesia.”   You don’t cry. Even if you want to.   But you take the vouchers since it’s still better than nothing.   When you’re off at the sidelines, Jungkook stands with you, suitcases by your side. “We can go talk to Sejeong and Namjoon.”   “Then what? They’re fully booked.”   “Then you can stay with Sejeong and I’ll stay with Namjoon.”   “They’re at a bungalow, Jungkook. This is practically their second honeymoon and I don’t want to bother them.” You take a deep breath and shrug. “It’s fine. It’s whatever. We’ll just stay together.”   “Are you sure?” Jungkook’s brows lift, eyeing you.   “Psh. Why not? We’re friends.” You bat your hand. “And I don't have germs or cooties like you think I do, Jeon. Promise I shower every day, so you don’t have to worry about it.”   The man scoffs with a small smile. “Fine by me then.”   But in spite of you the both trying to convince yourselves, it’s not a fantastic situation.   The room has a one king-sized bed, not two twins like you had hoped on your way up the elevator. It’s a whopping three hundred and seven square feet to share with Jungkook. One bathroom to your left as you enter, the bed taking up most of the space, a cabinet with a television and one table with two chairs.   You slide the glass doors open to let in fresh air. The private terrace is small too.   At any other time, you wouldn’t mind dorming with your best friend but considering the circumstances of your relationship lately, you can feel the tension in the air. It makes your palms sweaty.   “This is a really nice place,” you breathe out.   “Yeah.” Jungkook drops his duffle bag by the table. “There’s not even a sofa. Should we request one?”   “Where would we even fit it?”   “Right.”   You look around. Even if Jungkook would opt to sleep on the floor, there’s no spot for him unless he wants to lay underneath the table. Or in the hallway by the bathroom door where you could potentially step on him in the middle of the night during a trip to the toilet.   “We’ll make do,” you reassure. “We can sleep with our heads on opposite ends.”   “What if I kick you in the middle of the night?” he asks and when your expression washes over into impassivity, he grins. “Just saying. Can’t promise I won’t….”   “Fine. We’ll sleep normally. The bed is big anyway and sorry, Jeon, but your muscles aren’t as massive as you think they are.”   He laughs and falls back onto the soft mattress like it’s a pile of snow and he’s trying to make a snow angel. In one second, he’s ruined the fresh sheets and wrinkled them. “What do you think you’re doing?!”   Jungkook lifts his head. “What?”   “You’re lying on our bed with your dirty clothes.” You approach and try to push him off to no avail. “We were just on a plane for god knows how long.”   The boy grins and gets up. “God, you’re so uptight.”   “No, I’m clean,” you correct, glaring. “We’re not living like pigs. Try being neat for once. Just for a week.”   Jungkook sighs and as he brushes past you to the balcony, he ruffles your hair tenderly. “You’re lucky I like you.”   You scoff, trying to fix your hair while watching his broad backside, how he leans on the railing to soak in the view.   In the free time that you have, you get yourself cleaned up and take advantage of the bathtub for a bubble bath. You indulge as much as you can, trying to enjoy the resort before you have to start working hard on the cake.   You come out wearing one of your sun dresses and Jungkook looks up from his phone.   “Pretty,” he murmurs while a tiny, modest smile spreads into his cheeks.   You swallow hard, trying to keep your face from heating like a furnace. “Of course. What else would you expect of me?”   Jungkook laughs boyishly. “That’s true.”   You didn’t expect such a genuine response. But he doesn’t pay any mind to how caught off guard you are, merely getting up from his spot and grabbing clothes from his luggage. “My turn. You better wait for me. I don’t want to walk around by myself.”   “Or else what?” you taunt playfully.   Jungkook’s eyes darken right before he shuts the door. “Or else I’ll tackle you.”   Unfortunately for him, of all the things he was worried about, he didn’t consider the bathroom part. The moment the door closes, the scent of your shampoo and body wash surrounds him. It’s suffocating, thick in the air. He’s overwhelmed in your aroma and his pants unwillingly stir.   Jungkook rolls his tongue in his cheek, frustrated by his predicament and it hasn’t even been a full hour yet.   By the time he’s out of the bathroom, you're appalled.   “What took you so long?! Did you take three dumps?!”   “No,” he sharply answers and you don’t push when he’s surprisingly so defensive about it.   “Well, let’s go before it gets too late.” You grab the vouchers and swiftly exit your room.   Jungkook is decked out in a full tourist outfit — khaki shorts and a blue collared shirt. You’re in a floral print dress that would look perfect paired with your sun hat, but you’re saving the outfit for another day.   The two of you walk around, taking a peek at all the facilities they offer — the spa, swimming pool, tiki bar, restaurants, gift shops, and the venue where the wedding is being set up. You run into Chungha and her fiancé too. He introduces himself while she embraces you, thanking the both of you for coming and hoping the flight went well. But the pair of them only linger briefly to talk before they’re running off to take care of other things.   After grabbing a bite to eat, you and Jungkook decide to take advantage of your lounge vouchers.   “Are you sure this is alcohol?” You swirl the deep liquid inside your glass. Taking a sip and smacking your lips together, you try to decipher the taste on your tongue. “Tastes more like grape juice.”   Jungkook smells his own drink. “This one tastes like raspberries. They said it was alcohol though.”   “Huh. It’s pretty good then.”   He hums, taking another mouthful.   “Would you like another, miss and sir?” The waiter comes by with a kind smile and a cloth draped over his arm like a personal butler. “You still have credit on your voucher.”   You look at Jungkook who shrugs. “Might as well use it all.”   “What would you recommend?” You direct your attention to the waiter.    Between you and Jungkook, you both try nearly every kind of wine they offer.   You muse that the woman at the front desk must’ve felt really guilty to give you such a great deal. But you don't feel so upset anymore over having to share a room with Jungkook. At least not once you’ve gotten a taste of all the berry wines, another grape, fruit wine, dried cranberry, and one licorice flavored.    While you’re not a wine expert and there’s little you can comment on, aside from the fact that it’s very fruity and the acidity is high, you can tell it’s delicious. You actually forget it’s alcohol.   You give the beer a chance, but it’s disgusting enough for you to give the entire thing to Jungkook.   You don't keep count on how much you drink with him, but it’s enough that the waiter comes by with some glasses of water.   Your words slur together. “You know what I hate?”    “What?” Jungkook languidly grins, an easy smile on his features that has you feeling some kind of way.   “Everything. But also small spoons. I can’t eat out of a teaspoon! Why do they think I want to eat my ice-cream or crème brûlée with a—”   “Toothpick,” Jungkook finishes your sentence as laughter bubbles out his throat.   Your spine straightens and you look at him in surprise. Did he read your mind? “Yeah! How’d you know?”   “I think you’ve told me before.”   You wonder if you’ve really spent that much time with him that he knows such a small detail, but you’re baffled at how he can recall so easily. “How’d you remember?”   Jungkook shrugs and then burps. You wrinkle your nose until you hiccup too.   The boy is resting his head in his hand, elbow propped up on the table. His lids are seemingly heavy, every blink slow and gradual. But he stares at you intently like you’ve got something on your face. “Do you hate me?”   “Sometimes,” you answer truthfully without missing a beat. “But not really.”   “You don’t hate that I like you?” He leans in closer, but you don’t mind. If anything, he’s too far for your liking. You like it when he’s close.    You tap the tip of Jungkook’s nose like he often does to you. “I couldn’t hate you, hate you. You’re my best friend, silly.”   “I can’t be more than that?”   “I don’t know. I don’t really wanna talk about it.”   “I do.”   You pout, eyes straying off and then you gasp. “Look! The sun’s going down. You know what I’ve always wanted to do, Kookie? Walk on the beach to watch the sunset. We should go look!”   He follows after you, but not before stopping to ask for the bill until the waiter reminds him that it was all free of charge.    You and Jungkook happily hop across the resort with you leaning on his arm. “You think we’d get kicked out if they knew we were drunk?”   “Why?”   “Cause public intoxication. Is a resort public?”   “I think so. Just don’t make it obvious.”   “How do I not make it obvious?”   “Maybe stop giggling and whispering to me,” Jungkook says louder than what your voices have been and laughs at your reaction. The pair of you get onto the beach, stumbling together.   The sky is painted in orange and pink hues, the golden hour glowing on your skin. You can hear the sound of the waves lightly crashing against the shoreline, the spray of the salty mist in the air, the tide bubbling and fizzing away.   But it’s hard to enjoy it when you’re bumbling all over the place. “Ugh! I hate the sand!”   “Then why’d you wanna walk on it?” Jungkook giggles, holding onto you before you trip.   “I don’t know. Cause ‘s romantic, I guess.”   But at the moment, it isn’t romantic at all. There’s sand grating in between your toes, exfoliating your feet and hurting with every step you take. You swear it’s going to get in your underwear somehow.   You step towards the shore where the sand is flat and softer, wet by the water and where it’s more bearable. “Woah. The water’s so blue.”   Jungkook treads right up to where the tide kisses the beach. He quietly observes, watching the ocean and you come up behind him. When the timing is right, you shove the boy with all your might.   “Fuc—” He shouts, loses balance and puts his weight onto his knees, kneeling in the water.    You laugh hysterically, cackles coming from your stomach. You bend over, hugging your stomach. The boy stands up in dismay, shaking water from his hands. His khaki pants are completely soaked like he peed himself. “Why I oughta—”   “Stop! Jungkook!” You shriek with tipsy laughter as he starts chasing after you. “I’m sorry!”   “Too late!” He screams back and sprints after you as fast as he can with a dark vengeance. You obviously don’t make it far with sand flailing everywhere and his legs being longer than yours. Jungkook ends up grabbing you by the waist and pushing you into the sand. “Ha!”   He starts to laugh in absolute mirth, taking pleasure in your demise as sand gets into your underwear. Now it’s going to follow you around for the rest of your life.    “I just showered!” You laugh, getting up and trying to get rid of the tiny grains to no avail.   “How do you think I feel?” His grin is infectious and Jungkook tries to wring out his soaked khakis. Watching him makes you giggle. “It’s fine. We can shower together afterwards. It’ll be quick and painless.”   “Yeah? In your dreams, Jeon Jungkook!”   “Oh, it’ll be in my dreams alright,” he teases, astounding you with his outright shamelessness.   The both of you eventually calm down enough to realize you probably look crazy screaming at each other on the beach during the calm sunset. You slowly make your way back, still infected by drunken giggles that seem to be unable to stop.   Jungkook tries to walk without his wet shorts sticking to his skin and you take off your sandals altogether, attempting to clap them free of sand. On your way back, however, you’re interrupted by a cute lifeguard getting off her shift. She’s a beach blonde with a beautiful tan who boldly introduces herself to Jungkook. She even shakes his hand and invites him to a beach party happening tonight, leaving the two of you utterly stunned.   When she leaves, you wiggle your brows.   “What was all that?”   “You tell me.”   You grin at him. “Are you going to go to that party?”   “Nah.” Jungkook throws his arm over your shoulder, keeping you from losing your balance before you make it back to the hotel room. “I’d rather spend time with you.”   “Psh. Sorry to say, Jeon, but I’m pretty boring.”   “No, you’re not.” He looks down at you, an endeared smile gracing his features that makes you divert your vision elsewhere.   You feign nonchalance. “She was cute. You should totally go for it! Get it while you’re still young. You’re not always going to attract the ladies like this, you know! Gotta take advantage of it as it comes.”   Jungkook laughs in that boyish way that makes you feel funny. “Why would I need to when you’re the only person that actually matters.”   You almost choke on your own spit.   Jungkook laughs, lightly knocking his head against yours.   “I’d rather you’d be the one to notice me.”   Little does Jungkook know you do far more than notice him.

[princessjungeun]

We’ll Be The Stars: Ryujin x Reader

Request: Helloo. Can I please request a scenario with Itzy's Ryujin where her s/o is also an idol. The two haven't felt each others presences for quite a while now due to their busy schedules. One night, Ryujin surprises her s/o and took her star gazing. All those cute shit y'know. Ryujin's a sweet talker, wbk.

ITZY was in the midst of preparing for a comeback, it had been months since Not Shy and they were finally given word about their next era. Although all of the girls were excited about the new era, especially excited to see fans reactions, they were already exhausted.

The five girls were working day in and out from around 8 AM until sometimes as late as 10 pm. Despite this they managed to complete every day with a smile on their faces even if they felt the opposite.

Your group was nearing the end of their promotional trail. It’s been three and a half weeks of music shows, variety shows, and other obligations. In addition to this both your group and Ryujin’s were performing at awards shows at the end of the month.

All of this being said the two of you haven’t been physically present for one another in weeks. As much as you both wanted to see each other, you were both just too busy to even run off for a minute.

Your girlfriend would text you every morning to make sure you were alright and rested for the day ahead. She tended to put aside her own problems and thoughts, only wanting to make sure that you were okay.

In return you would text or call Ryujin at night, making sure she was fine after a long day of work. She would always say the same thing:

“I’m fine baby don’t worry about me.”

But by the exhaustion in her voice you could tell she was struggling to keep her eyes open while she talked to you.

Much to her luck she and the rest of her members were released at 6pm from work. Their dance instructor had to run home for a family emergency, freeing the girls for the rest of the night.

Ryujin immediately pulled out her phone to let you know, wondering if there was any chance that she’d be able to see you.

Just as you and your members were in the vs. to head back to the dorms, one of your members passed you your phone. “Unnie, Ryujin unnie is calling you.”

You answered, “hi baby what’s up?”

Ryujin smiled, happy to hear your voice for the first time in two days, “hey I have good news.”

You sat up in your seat, “and what might that be?”

She replied, you could hear the happiness in her tone, “I’m off for the rest of the night.”

You beamed, “No way! Our performance on The Show got cancelled before we even arrived! Our manager is even letting us have the night off too!”

Ryujin asked, her voice softening, you could tell she was getting slightly shy so she was probably around her members. “C-can I see you? I miss seeing you these days...”

You replied, “of course. I’ll be over around 8. In the mean time please take a nap, I know you’re tired.”

Ryujin responded, “alright I will. I’ll see you in a bit.”

The moment you hung up all six of your members started to tease you. Being the only one in a relationship that they all know about you are an easy target for teasing.

Not wanting to answer any more questions, you slipped in your earbuds. It only took three minutes and one acoustic Sza song to knock you out like a light.

“Y/N-ah. Wake up we’re back at the dorm.” Your leader woke you up,helping you sleepily get out of the van.

The seven of you all made your way up to the dorms, three of your members heading to theirs while the other four including you went to the other. While two of your members bickered over who was going to shower first, you flopped on your bed and checked the time. You’d have to head over to Ryujin’s in 45 minutes which was long enough for a 30 minute nap because you were still tired.

•

•

•

The 30 minutes was exactly what you needed because right when you woke up you felt more energetic than before. It could also be due to the fact that you get to see your girlfriend you’ve been apart from for weeks but either way, you are awake now.

You pulled on your jacket and grabbed your phone before telling your members that you were heading out. The walk to Ryujin’s dorm wasn’t far, only 15 minutes apart from yours.

When you arrived and Ryujin let you in, you could tell all of them were exhausted. Lia was long passed out on the couch, Yeji was massaging her muscles next to a sleeping Lia. Chaeryeong was off somewhere in her room presumably and Yuna was passed out in front of her school books in the kitchen.

Ryujin slipped her hand in yours and asked, “are you ready?”

You nodded before the two of you headed out, she led you down the street not telling you where you were headed.

“Where are we going?” You asked curiously, turning your head trying to recognize buildings as you passed by.

Ryujin stated, “you wouldn’t know even if I told you, so you’ll see when we get there.”

She dragged you ten blocks to a gigantic skyscraper, pulling you inside she waved to the front desk security woman before leading you to the elevator.

“What building is this? Are we allowed to be in here?” You asked as she pressed the button for the top floor.

Your girlfriend laughed, “it’s fine, my aunt’s best friend is some big executive here. Plus I made friends with the security lady a few months ago. I’ve wanted to bring you here for a while actually.”

She led you up a flight of stairs before pushing a large metal door that led out to the roof. The top of the building was plain, just painted grey by a poor paint job.

You looked around and asked, “what? Are we in the right place?”

Ryujin gasped, “wait I think it’s actually THAT building.” She pointed to the building adjacent from you all. The top of that building having a very high end decorated rooftop.

You looked at her ready to bitch and moan but before you did she laughed, I’m just messing with you. Yes we’re in the right spot.”

She asked, “do you see it?”

You looked around in a circle, only seeing the tops of other buildings around the two of you. Shaking your head you told her, “no, I don’t see anything. What is it?”

She stepped behind you, hugging your waist and pulling you closer to her body. Her lips brushed your ear as she spoke, “it’s not what, baby. It’s where. Look up.”

You did as she said and you saw it, the sky full of stars and the moon glowing brighter. A small gasp left your lips, “woah...”

She let go of your waist and sat down on the ground, you followed after her and laid down, resting your head on her chest. You reached for her hand and laced her fingers with yours, her thumb rubbing the top of your palm.

You two could only enjoy the stars for an hour before it started to rain. Despite you jumping up, Ryujin stayed on the ground still looking at the sky. The drizzle picked up and Ryujin finally got up once you asked her to twice.

However when you tried to go back she grabbed your arm. You whined, “we’re gonna get sick, Ryujinnieeeee!”

Your girlfriend shrugged and said, “we can leave...but first slow dance with me.”

You asked, “are you serious?”

She nodded and pulled you closer to her, as your hands wrapped around her neck, hers held your waist. The two of you held each other close, the rain falling around you, that being the only sound filling your ears.

Ryujin suddenly started speaking, “you know...sometimes I look at you and I get confused. I don’t understand how I of all people ended up with someone like you. Everything about you is just...like nobody i’ve ever met. I love you more than all the stars in the sky.”

You felt your cheeks burn up out of embarrassment, thankfully her cheek was resting on you shoulder so she couldn’t see.

After a while the two of you ended up shivering in the cold. You got back to your group’s dorm and decided to take showers and change. Half of the clothes in her wardrobe were yours anyways, what was one more hoodie and pair of pants?

She pulled you onto your bed, just as she was about to pull the blankets up her phone buzzed. Your girlfriend quickly checked it, her smile growing as she read the message.

When she put her phone down you asked, “what’s got you so happy?”

Ryujin replied, “our choreographer said everything is fine at home, she cancelled for tomorrow though and said we get the day off. So we get a mini break.”

You asked with a smile, “so that means you can spend the night?”

She nodded, pulling the blankets up and over herself and you as she curled into your chest. Your arm rested on her waist, she played with your fingers absentmindedly. Gently, you kissed her temple, earning a small giggle from her. You smiled as you saw her cheeks blush pink, her ears burning red as well.

You told her, “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy...we haven’t been able to do this anymore.”

Ryujin replied, “don’t worry about it. I know what it’s like, we’re both idols with hectic schedules. But really please don’t feel bad about it. I feel your presence in my heart all the time. Plus you’re on my mind all the time, so even if I can’t see you, I feel like you’re always with me.

You groaned, “god you’re so good at that...it should be cheesy and lame but it still makes my heart flutter.”

Ryujin smiled and said, “you know you love it.”

You playfully flicked her arm, “hush.”

[preparetosufferemotionally]

Home, Part 2: Memories of Yesterday

Prinxiety

TW: Flashbacks, past abuse, past abusive relationship, toxic anxiceit, references to s3xual things, slight anxiety attack, current abusive relationship, cursing (Some characters really like cursing), unsympathetic Deceit/Janus, Remus (But pretty calm), dissociation, PTSD, flashbacks, yelling, tears, arguing, threatening, guilt, and trauma. 

The day started to go south when Roman got home. He had just picked up their son, Remy, from preschool. Virgil had been busy at work, drawing for books. Currently his favorite one to draw for was the story Roman had been working on. Of course, that was only Virgil’s first job. Virgil also had to work as a carer in an adoption center to make the extra money. Roman too had a second job, working as a director for the local theater, but it didn’t pay much and Roman was too stubborn to ask for more money. So Virgil rolled his eyes and told Roman to pick up Remy from preschool. 

Roman ran a bit late, and was surprised when he ran into familiar faces in the building. 

“It’s okay Remy, I’m sure your dad’s going to be here soon kiddo. For now, why don’t you go play with Emile, okay? He’s my kiddo. I’m sure you two will get along fine,” Patton encouraged with a smile, sending the two children off to play in a corner as he turned to his husband, glaring at him. Logan shrank backward, already anticipating pain. 

Roman burst through the door, panting. Patton quickly schooled his features into a more pleasant expression, elbowing Logan into doing the same. Logan obeyed, stifling his shock when a more adult looking Roman entered. He quickly retreated, looking down.

“I am incredibly sorry I’m late Mr. Hart, there was so much traffic. Was Remy okay?” Roman asked as he composed himself, adjusting his hair slightly. 

Patton walked toward Remy, who had jumped up excitedly at the sound of his dad’s voice. Emile quietly giggled, following Remy. Remy slowed down when he realized Emile was behind him, stopping to grab his hand. The two four year olds walked forward together towards their parents, who started to talk. 

“Oh your kiddo was just fine Mr. Empire. He played with my son Emile for a little while, who came to visit today. Remy learned all about frogs today and built with blocks to create a castle.” Just as Remy let go of Emile’s hand to hug his dad, Roman swung him up in the air, sending a flurry of giggles through the little boy.

“That’s my boy!” Roman gently set him back on the ground, still holding his tiny hand, and putting on his jacket. “Thank you a ton much Mr. Hart, for...” Roman trailed off looking right at Patton’s face. “We’ve met before.” Patton giggled nervously, making sure to send a warning look to Logan, who looked pained. 

“Well, you have come to pick up Remy before Mr. Empire.” Roman shook his head, slightly shooing off Remy to keep playing with Emile, which he did gladly. 

“No, I met you somewhere else. Before that.” Then Roman’s gaze fell on the desperately trying to be non-existent Logan. “Logan?” Logan flinched backwards, trying to hide. Patton quickly realized Roman knew, so before he came to a dangerous conclusion, Patton grabbed Logan and pushed him slightly forward. 

“Oh yes, we went to college together. I remember now. You were friends with my Logan.” Roman heard Patton, but stared slack jawed at Logan, who looked so different from the confident law student he had been friends with. Logan looked like a toothpick, thin and breakable, and he was missing his glasses. But more than looking breakable, he looked broken. There was something in his eyes Roman hadn’t seen before. Exhaustion? It seemed to fit, but it didn’t fully ecompse the full emotion in the squinting eyes. Roman finally spoke. 

“So you got rid of those glasses, huh nerd?” Logan kept his mouth shut, avoiding Roman’s gaze. Patton answered for him. 

“He lost his just recently actually. We’ve been trying to get a new pair but our eye doctor doesn’t have our prescription back from our last appointment.” Roman nodded sympathetically, watching Logan from the corner of his eye. “Virgil is your husband correct? Your son is a spitting image of him.” Roman nodded, smiling.

“Yes, dark and stormy night and I got married. If I knew you two were this close to us, I would have invited you to the wedding.” 

“Oh we just moved here about a year ago,” Patton lied. Roman sighed sadly. 

“Well, it's been great catching up with you, but I should probably get home. I don’t want to worry Virgil. Come here Remy! Time to go home to Papa!” Remy gave Emile a hug and then ran to Roman excitedly. 

“Okay dad!” As Roman and Remy walked out the door, Roman offered one last thing. 

“Since our boys liked hanging out with each other today, maybe they can have a playdate some time!” 

“Sure thing! Goodbye now!” Roman hurried out the entrance, headed to the car. He quickly buckled in Remy, who complained he could do it himself. Roman didn’t listen, trying to get home in ten minutes, almost breaking twenty traffic laws in the process. Finally, he made it to their home. It was like a modest cottage like home in a nice neighborhood. He barely noticed as he pushed open the door, and ran in with Remy.

“Go put your coat away okay? I just want to check on your papa.” Remy grumbled, but listened. “Virgil, are you okay? I’m home! So sorry I’m late. I just lost track of time.” Shuddering breaths came from the “office” in their home. 

“I’m fine,” Virgil called, slowly calming down from his anxiety attack. Breath in for four... Random events like showing up late often led to anxiety attacks, which Virgil wasn’t exactly sure he became used to, but he did expect them. 

“Okay!” Roman said. “Do you think you can come downstairs? Remy’s home.” Virgil let out a shuddering breath, Out for four. 

“Coming down as we speak.” Virgil quickly went down the short flight of stairs where Roman stood at the bottom. Roman smiled at Virgil, happy to see him. 

When Virgil reached the bottom, Roman quickly asked, “Touching or no touching?” Virgil thought for a moment before answering.

“You can touch me, but not too much.” Roman smiled brightly and gave Virgil a quick hug. Virgil rolled his eyes, and hugged back. 

“Hi papa!” Remy shouted excitedly, going to join the hug. Roman and Virgil smiled, and let him in. Virgil hugged him tightly.

“Hey kid, how was school?” Remy smiled as his dad let him go. 

“Good! Dad ran a little late but Mr. Hart let me play with Emile!” Virgil looked at Roman.

“Who’s Emile?” Roman’s smile wavered slightly. 

“Mr. Hart’s son who came to visit.”  Virgil looked at him suspiciously. Roman quickly changed the subject. 

“I heard you learned about frogs today! And built a castle! Can you tell me and your papa all about it!” Remy nodded ethusically, starting to rattle on about frogs. Virgil gave Roman a look, but listened to Remy.

Finally, when dinner ended, and Remy had been put to sleep, Virgil asked. 

“Okay, what the hell was that about?” Roman awkwardly fiddled with his fingers, sitting back down on a kitchen stool across from Virgil. “I would like an answer.” 

“Okay. So, Mr. Hart is Patton.” Virgil scrunched his nose up in confusion. 

“Who’s that? Oh wait. Hang on. It's that asshole from college, isn’t it?” Roman nodded, sighing. “Didn’t he have a different last name though? Lügner?” 

“Yes, but he changed his last name with his spouse.” Virgil furrowed his brow, as Roman watched him connect the dots. 

“He married Logan,” Virgil said with the assurance of the morgue pronouncing a person dead. Roman didn’t need to ask why he knew. “That fucking bastard. I am going to find where he lives and kill him.” 

“Darling, while of course I always support you, murder is frowned in polite soceity.” Virgil let out a frustrated groan of annoyance.

“I hate that family so fucking much. I hate them,” Virgil whispered, angry tears leaking out of his eyes. “They are fucking monsters.” Roman started to gently rub Virgil’s back, soothing him.

“I know darling. I’m so very sorry.” Virgil just kept crying into his hands, eventually turning around and embracing Roman, who kept soothing him, until Virgil began to calm down. He let out a humorless laugh.

“Sorry for the emotional outburst Ro.” Roman smiled.

“Not a problem stormy. I love and care about you. That's why I married you.” Virgil looked him up and down, smirking

“I suppose there was a reason I married you.”

“Love?”

“Tax benefits.” Roman dramatically placed his hand to his chest, offended. 

“You have fooled me! Bewitched me! Tricked me!” Virgil stifled a laugh. “Betrayal, oh lover of mine, betrayal!” Virgil frowned slightly but tried to keep himself grounded. This is ACTUALLY a joke. He isn’t here. He doesn’t have power over you anymore.You’re OKAY. No. You aren’t. You’re weak and  worthless and you can’t even take a damn joke. Virgil thought he heard Roman asking him something, but the noise in his head was too loud and the world was too blurry. Virgil held his head and covered his eyes,trying to shut out the voice and  thoughts in his head. You have to let one of us win at some point. I don’t want to. Too late. Vaguely, Virgil heard Roman ask a question, but he slipped away.

----------------------------------FLASHBACK BEGINS-------------------------------------------

“You goddamn bitch,” Janus fumed, Virgil shrinking back on the bed. The two had been dating since sophomore year of high school, and now the two shared a dorm in college. “Are you trying to make me angry? Going out without telling me, sleeping in, and refusing to have sex? Its like you don’t care about me anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” Virgil mumbled. Janus scoffed. 

“Yeah right. I bet you’re cheating on me. You are a “bisexual” after all.” Janus got in Virgil’s face. “A fucking whore. I can’t believe you’d actually betray me like this.” Virgil didn’t know when he started crying but tears were pouring down his face. 

“NO! I-I-would never do that to you! I love you Jan! So so much!” Janus sneered, looking at Virgil dead in the eyes.

“Then prove it.” 

-------------------------------------FLASHBACK ENDS------------------------------------------

Roman knew when Virgil started rocking in place, he had to call Remus. He pressed his contact and prayed his brother would pick up. Much to Roman’s relief, he did. 

“Hello Bottom!” Roman sighed.

“For the record I’m a switch. But that's beside the point. Virgil’s having a flashback and I want some backup in case Remy wakes up.” 

“I’m on my way. Be there in five.”

“But you live twenty minutes away. To get here in five minutes you’d have to break numerous laws.”

“FUCK THE LAWS!” Remus screeched through the phone. Roman rolled his eyes and hung up. He then turned to Virgil, kneeling beside him. Roman knew he couldn’t stop the flashback, he just needed to support him. Virgil generally hated being touched in times of extreme panic, so Roman didn’t touch, but instead offered soothing words,knowing the only thing he could do.

“It's okay stormy. It’s just a flashback. It’s not real. I’m here. Everything’s going to be okay. You’re safe. Can you try and breathe for me?” Somehow, through the covered ears, Virgil heard him. Virgil let out a cry of pain and Roman’s heart broke. 

“STOP PLEASE STOP! I SAID I WAS SORRY I PROMISE! I WON’T DO ANYTHING PLEASE ST-” VIrgil was cut off by his own sobs and no doubt something in the flashback. 

Still, Roman kept going, trying to help. “In for six, out for six. I’ll do it with you.” Roman breathed as he said, as loudly as he could. Virgil whimpered and sobbed, but tried. Roman heard the screech of Remus’s car. The door opened quickly and quietly, and Remus went to the kitchen. He went next to his brother and started helping Virgil. This was one of the worst flashbacks Virgil had had in years. 

“Hey Virge, it’s Remus. We’re all gonna breath together. Okay?” At first Virgil didn’t respond, still shaking and sobbing. Then he nodded. “In for four, out for five.” Remus did that with Virgil, while Roman kept assuring him he was safe. Slowly and surely, Virgil took his hands off his ears and started to open his eyes. Roman and Remus were calm and encouraging, soothing him, telling him to tell them what the room looked like.

At first Virgil described his first college dorm, that image burned into his eyelids. But eventually he began to see his home. The home where he lived with Roman and raised Remy. Where he was safe and secure. And Virgil was brought back. He was still shook and though he wanted to be hugged and comforted, he was deathly terrified of it. Roman drapped a heavy blanket over Virgil’s shoulders, one specifically for situations where grounding and security was needed. Remus went upstairs to make sure Remy was asleep. Virgil choked back a small sob. 

“Sorry I freaked out. Again. I wish I could control this damn thing. Its so fucking painful. He’s never coming near me again, hasn’t in years, and he still can hurt me. He still has that fucking power. And I hate that.” Virgil hugged himself with his blanket. 

“Hey, it's not your fault. I should have known that might trigger you. I’ll be more careful in the future.” Virgil chucked a pillow at him, angry.

“But that’s the thing! You shouldn’t have to worry about what triggers me! You shouldn’t have to ask just to tap my shoulder! You shouldn’t be worried that our child might wake up and be scared because his father is screaming and crying on the ground and no one can stop it! You don’t deserve this!” Virgil, said, emotions bubbling and breaking. 

“No Virgil, you don’t. You don’t deserve to feel this type of pain.You deserve happiness and love. And that’s why I am here. Because I know you deserve everything in this world. And I am willing to do whatever it takes to prove to you that you’re worth the world to me. I will never stop loving you. And I will never stop trying to support and be there for you. I made a vow to love you until death, but I know I’ll love you long after.” Virgil went silent. “I  will always be here, by your side.” 

“Big promises princey,” Virgil exhaled quietly. Roman smiles gently at him.

“And I mean every word of them.” Virgil walks up to Roman, embracing him tightly. Roman hugs back, holding him like he’s the world. “You are the best thing that ever happened to me.” 

“Right back at you princey,” Virgil whispers into Romans chest. Remus clears his throat and the two look up. 

“I’ll go to the guest room soon so you two can be all romantic on your lonesome. But just thought I’d make you aware, your kid was out cold. He’s impossible to get to sleep but once he is, he is never waking up until morning.” Virgil smiles shakily at him.

“Thanks Remus.” Remus smiled, glancing at the two. 

“Hey, what are awesome brother in-laws for?” Roman shoved him lightly.

“Going away?” 

“Alright, alright jeez. Man, you two lovebirds act like you’re still in your honeymoon phase.” As Remus goes up the stairs, the two embrace, falling asleep on the couch, in the safety of the other’s arms. 

(Just a note, I have never personally met someone who experiences flashbacks, so I wrote this one the best I could with the limited knowledge I have. Also, when I say -----FLASHBACK ENDS--- it just means that we don’t see any more of the flashback. It does not end until Virgil is fully situated and in the present.)

[illfoandillfie]

5 Simple Rules For A Successful Fake Relationship: The Perfect Date

5 SIMPLE RULES MASTERLIST

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader

Summery: There's trouble in paradise for you and Ben but will the distance bring about some revelations? And what does it mean for your romantic reunion?

Warnings: The usual fairly innocent stuff, some swearing and drinking and mentions of smoking, but with the additions of PDAs out the wazoo, public make out, private make out.

Words: 8093

A/N: Things get a lil spicy in this one! Small disclaimer that I don’t drink so I have no idea what wine does to someone, or two someones who split a bottle. Also just another reminder that this was in no way inspired by rumours regarding Ben’s rl relationship with Olivia Cooke. I believe they’re legit, and I will not engage with anyone about that topic. 

Taglist:  @laedymoon  @dtfrogertaylor  @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor  @hannafuckingsucks  @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @supersonicfreddie @tenement-funstah

@coni-martina @johndeaconshands @hardforbenhardy @cubedtriangle​ @vicouscirce​ @arianabrashierstuff​

You headed straight to the bathroom and threw up. Ben had called twice on your way home, but you’d let it go to voicemail, not ready to hear him admonish you for eavesdropping on him or to be asked if you felt the same. You supposed it was adrenaline or something that was making you feel nauseous. Of course, you’d have to talk to him eventually, at least to apologise for going so off book, but it could wait until you weren’t feeling so miserable. With teary eyes, you made your way to the kitchen, grabbed a drink to help settle your stomach, and then flopped onto the couch to flick through TV channels until you found something distracting enough. Your phone rang again but when you glanced at the screen it wasn’t Ben’s name you saw. “Mary?” If she heard any evidence of your distress in your voice she didn’t mention it, “Brilliant performance Y/N. The video was tweeted out about ten minutes after you left the restaurant and it’s already been shared more than you’d believe.” “Oh, that’s good.” “Better than good. People are eating it up. There’ll be articles tomorrow predicting your breakup and not just the ones we’ve organised. We’re going to ask that you and Ben refrain from seeing each other in public for the next two weeks or so, make it look like you’re taking some time apart. That’ll give the video plenty of time to circulate and allow us to get out a few variations of the trouble in paradise story. Of course, you’re free to visit each other and speak over the phone but be wary in case other paparazzi start following you in addition to the one’s we’ve hired. Chances are more people will be looking to scoop the official breakup story if all goes as well as these early numbers indicate it will. Then we’ll hit them with the romantic makeup dinner at Boucher. And after that it’s back to playing the happy couple. Of course there’ll be the press junket and premiere in a couple of months’ time and then we can break you up for good.” She kept talking about plans for he press tour, something about flights and hotels, but you stopped paying attention, already getting twitter open and searching for the video. It didn’t take long to find it, the caption proclaiming he who’d caught the footage had noticed you and Ben arrive and had pulled out his camera as soon as he realised things weren’t particularly happy. “Sorry, Mary, I’m gonna have to call you back.” “Everything alright?” “Yeah, just a small mishap with the washing machine. I’ll talk to you later.” As soon as she was gone you pressed play on the video. Filmed from a table to the left of yours and slightly behind your shoulder, the phone tipped at an angle so it wouldn’t be spotted. Your heart pounded as you watched. It was all there, the tension thick enough to cut with a knife as Ben tried to draw you into conversation. You heard the bite in your tone, the confusion in his. And you saw what you’d not noticed in the moment. The way his face fell when you said it was too much. The way his nails dug into his palm as he clutched his fork so tightly. The hurt on his face when you called him clingy and needy. He stood up as you walked away but he didn’t follow, just dragged his hand through his hair and then sat down heavily, worrying at his thumbnail with his teeth. The waiter came over, presumably with the bill but the video cut out before anything more was said. They’d got what they wanted. They didn’t need the aftermath.

The next day there was an unexpected knock on your door. You put down your phone where you were watching the video again and peeked out the window, worried that it was Ben come to confront you. Instead you saw Felicity raise her fist and knock again. “I saw the video,” was the first thing she said when you let her in, “are you okay?” “I wish people would stop asking me that. I’m fine.” “You had a straight up cat fight in the middle of a restaurant, and there are paparazzi practically camping in your front yard, you’re not fine.” “Okay, maybe not fine fine. But it’s whatever. How many are out there?” “Three. But what happened? Last week you told me you weren’t going to break up.” “We haven’t broken up.” “Well then what was that?” “I don’t know. It’s been building for a bit I guess. He’s just more serious about it all than I am.” “So I heard. Are you sure you aren’t just panicking?” “Panicking about what?” “Well, y’know, you’ve been in the tabloids a bit lately. That must put a strain on things. Maybe you just got a little freaked out by it and pushed Ben away rather than let yourself be vulnerable,” “What are you my shrink?” “Hey, I’m just trying to help.” “Yeah well, you’re wrong. The paps are kind of annoying but they aren’t the problem. The problem…” you took a breath as you considered what was safe to say, “the problem is that Ben has been on a different page to me for a while now. I think we both just need some space.” “Okay, if that’s what you want to go with,” she clearly didn’t believe you, “Have you talked to him about it?” “Not yet. Figured I’d call back sometime today when my head was clearer.” She nodded, “Well, I’m here for you. Whatever you need. Moral support when you call him or someone to bitch to afterwards or just somebody to get drunk with.” She pulled you into a hug, squeezing you tight and for a moment you felt like you might cry. All you could think about was Ben’s expression when you walked out, how wounded he looked.

Felicity stayed with you for the rest of the day which was good because her presence stopped you from doing nothing but watching the video over and over again. As it was you found it hard to keep yourself from looking at the comments people left on it. A lot of people took Ben’s side, calling you a bitch or worse, sometimes even direct messaging you their opinions. But there were also those lampooning Ben for smothering you, some going so far as to claim they were early signs of manipulative and controlling tendencies and that he deserved the public humiliation of it all. Those were the comments that made you feel worst. Being called a cunt you could deal with. Being told Ben deserved better you could easily deal with. But seeing such horrible suggestions of Ben being thrown about made your heart ache. He wasn’t mean or manipulative. He’d been nothing but kind to everyone on set and especially to you. Any lingering annoyance that hadn’t left you along with the little you’d eaten seemed to melt away, leaving you feeling cold at the thought of what you’d said. Yes he’d been stupid and selfish to agree to pretend to date you when he actually had a crush on you. But not once had he tried to wheedle a confession of love from you, not once had he pushed himself onto you. He’d always been respectful of your boundaries, warned you before he kissed you, asked if you wanted to share a blanket rather than just assume you did. Even your rules he’d mostly stuck to. The one exception being the cutesy nickname, but you’d never put up much of a fight with that. You only knew that he felt something for you because you’d listened in to a private conversation. And really, could you blame him for developing feelings? You’d literally been cast as lovers because you had good chemistry and then you’d spent weeks getting even closer, made all the more necessary by your fake romance. He was hardly the first person in history to have his on-screen feelings transfer to real life. And surely, if he’d decided to tell his friend everything, even after signing contractual documents about keeping it secret, then he must be serious about you, about how much he liked you. Maybe you had it wrong. Maybe there was something there you hadn’t consi-. “Stop wallowing,” Felicities voice cut through your thoughts, “Put the phone down and stop thinking about Ben for five minutes.” You shook your head to clear it, “I’m not wallowing.” “Are you on twitter right now?” “Maybe,” “You’re wallowing. C’mon, give me the phone.” She held out her hand, giving you had no choice but to hand it over. “Has anyone ever told you you’d make a good teacher,” “Once or twice. You can have this,” she brandished your phone at you and then shoved it into her bag, “back when you’re ready to call Ben. Until then we are getting out of the house.” “Out of the house where?” you asked, letting her pull you from your seat. “Just out. You need some fresh air. Go on, get your shoes.” “Alright, alright, I’m going,” you said, with the first genuine chuckle you’d had in days.

You ended up at the park a street over, sitting on a bench overlooking the duckpond. One or two of the photographers followed you, but they were easy to ignore. As soon as you stopped moving your mind was back on the previous night, but Felicity must have sensed as much for she quickly blurted out a fun fact about ducks to distract you. For the rest of the time you were there she kept your mind on other things. She gave you an extended rundown on all the gossip from her workplace. It didn’t matter that you didn’t know who Derick was, you soon heard all about his tryst with the copy boy, and when you asked if the Susie M who was mentioned was the same Susie M that made out with the boss at last year’s Christmas party you heard all about the fallout from her drunk misstep. Felicity led you on a stroll around the pond as you laughed at her stories and filled her in on what you were hoping your next role would be. “I’ve been sent a couple of interesting scripts. There’s one for a sci fi time travel thing which I’m hoping to get a call back for. And there was one for a comedy about a coven of witches causing mayhem with their potions. I’m only about halfway through the script but I’d happily play any of the three lead witches, so I think I’ll have a crack at it.” “They both sound really good. Different to your last role.” “Yeah. Different’s good though.” Eventually you wound your way towards a small coffee shop opposite the far side of the park. The slice of apple tea cake you ordered was the first food you’d eaten since the few bites at dinner and Felicity didn’t let you leave until you’d finished it, though she was subtle in her insistence. When you put your fork down with food still left on the plate she ordered a second coffee for each of you which gave you little to do but keep eating. You thanked her after but she pretended not to know what you were talking about. It wasn’t until you got home again that she returned your phone. “You should call Ben,” “Do I have to?” “Stop pouting and do it. You’re cute together and you obviously love him. Just suck it up and talk to him.” You let out a heavy sigh and then took the phone back, refraining from rolling your eyes at how wrong she was about your feelings.

You headed out onto the back patio and, with some slight trepidation, called Ben. The call rang out. With a frown you headed back inside only to be greeted by Felicity making chicken noises. “I didn’t chicken out, he just didn’t pick up. He must be busy.” “Or he’s upset. Call back. You can come in after he’s not picked up three times or you’ve had a chat.” “Okay, I’ll try again, jeez,” you went back outside and shut the door behind you. Your second attempt was as unsuccessful as your first and you were just about to hang up on the third try when he picked up. “Hello?” “Hi Ben,” “Y/N,” there was none of the joy in his voice that usually accompanied your name. “Can we talk, is now a good time?” “Yeah,” “Okay, I just, uh, I wasn’t sure since you didn’t pick up straight away.” “Well I wouldn’t want to come across as more needy than I already do.” “I shouldn’t have said that,” you leaned against the wall of the house in the same spot you’d seen Ben lean countless times after you’d told him he couldn’t smoke inside, “I’m so so sorry about everything I said.” “It’s not what you said, Y/N. I get it, we had to fight and you let loose. From an acting perspective I’m actually really fucking impressed. I, uh, I might have watched the video when I got home, just once, and it looks legit. Like, that line about pretending to love me as much as I do you.” You held your breath, waiting for him to ask how you knew. “I mean, that’s exactly what we were going for anyway, just without the details of not having met each other’s families. Everyone still heard us argue about moving at different paces and it was some really great improvisation.” “You think so?” “Yeah absolutely. I don’t think I could have come up with a line like that on the fly. Seriously, if we were allowed to tell people it was fake, that would have fit well on your audition reel.” “So you’re not upset with me?” There was a pause as Ben thought about his next words. “Not upset exactly. Like I said, I get that it was a scene. But the way you sounded when you called me clingy….it was pretty clear there were some real feelings in there too and I,” Ben sighed, “I just wish you’d talk to me about how you were feeling beforehand.” “I didn’t really know how.” “But if I’d known that I was making you uncomfortable or coming across as clingy I would have pulled back. I could have texted less or crashed at your place less often. Not insisted on buying you books on our fake dates.” You scuffed your foot against the ground, not sure whether to come clean about overhearing him. You’d expected Ben to have realised by now that you knew, not to take what you’d said as some incredible performance. “I know I got kinda caught up in it all though,” he said before you could summon the courage to admit anything, “I, um, I really like…” You could feel your heart racing, convinced he was about to confess his feelings for you, completely unsure how to react. “…being someone’s boyfriend.” “Oh,” Why was he so determined to surprise you? Why did you feel disappointed? “It suits me. I like having someone to dote on and take care of and talk to and I guess it’s been a while since I properly, seriously dated anyone. I feel like I’ve got all this boyfriend energy stored up and nowhere for it to go. It comes in handy when we’re pretending to be on a date or whatever but sometimes it slips out when we’re just hanging out as friends, without the cameras and all that. Which isn’t an excuse or anything, I’m not trying to undermine any discomfort you felt.” “No, I get it.” “You do?” “Yeah. I mean, we said it was a weird situation right back when it was first pitched to us. That hasn’t really changed, has it?” “No,” he said with a small, soft chuckle, “still weird.” “Exactly. And sometimes I think it can be kind of confusing.” “Confusing?” You had a sudden mental image of a dog with pricked up ears, “Confusing’s maybe the wrong word. Hard to keep up with is I guess what I’m trying to say. It’s different to acting in love with someone on a movie because on a movie there’s a definite time span. The director calls cut and you can stop pretending. But we don’t get that cut. Even when there’s no cameras we’re still faking it for the people we know and anyone who might see us,” you glanced inside to make sure Felicity wasn’t listening in. “Do you think that’s why you didn’t know how to talk to me? Because there’s no clear line between Y/N and Ben as friends and Y/N and Ben as a couple.” “Maybe,” you shrugged, “I don’t think it helps.” “Yeah. It’s like, obviously there are times when we have to be all coupley and I guess it gets hard to say when something is uncomfortable because then it’s like what about next time we’re out and we have to do that thing anyway. And there are things I’m happy to do with my friends that I don’t think twice about but might carry extra meaning in our situation.” “Exactly. I don’t want to say I don’t like something and make you feel bad when we then have to do it because people are watching.” “So what are you suggesting then?” “Well, we aren’t allowed to see each other in public for a couple of weeks now, right? So maybe this could be a chance for us to take a break. Not in a completely cut off way, I still wanna talk to you and stuff. But if we give ourselves some space, y’know. Try and shake….excess feelings a-and work out our boundaries better.” “Sure, yeah, I can see how that would help.” “It’s just a couple of weeks and like we can still text or call or whatever we just wouldn’t hang out together and it wouldn’t be every day.” “Y/N, I get it. It’s a good idea.” You took a deep breath, “Okay. Cool. Um, so we’re good?” “Of course we are. I-” Ben seemed to stop himself from saying something, instead sighing, “We’re good,” “Good.” There was nothing else to stay but you didn’t want to hang up. Neither did Ben, it seemed, both of you just standing in silence. You could hear faint music playing on his end, like it was coming from another room. Maybe he was in his kitchen, leaning against the bench, the radio on in the next room over. Or maybe he was sitting on his couch, the TV down low so the repetitive game music wouldn’t disturb your conversation. You could see him so clearly, sitting in his usual seat, controller abandoned beside him. You wondered if he could tell where you were. “I guess I should go then,” He said softly, “I’ll talk to you soon.” “Bye Ben,” “Bye cud- Y/N.”

“How’d it go?” Felicity asked when you came back inside. “Alright. We’re gonna take a break from seeing each other so much and sort out how we feel and stuff.” “That sounds good,” “Yeah,” you felt relieved at having had the conversation but it was mixed with a weird sadness you couldn’t put your finger on, making you feel vaguely like you wanted to be sick again. “Why don’t you go lie down for a bit. I’ll hang out and then tonight we can order pizza and watch cat videos or vine compilations or something dumb like that.” “You don’t have to stay, I’m fine.” “Hun, I’m staying. Maybe I’ll take a run to the shop, pick up some ice cream and booze and face masks. Sound fun?” “Definitely,” “Alrighty then, it’s a plan.” You felt slightly cheered by the thought as you made your way to your room and fell onto the bed, not bothering to change or move the covers, but it didn’t stop room from blurring with tears as soon as you were alone.

Keeping the distance between you and Ben was a mixed bag. On one hand not seeing each other meant there was no lingering pressure of another date or photo opportunity weighing on you. But on the other it also meant a queue of TV shows you felt unable to watch since you’d started them together. You didn’t have to worry that Ben would suddenly call you or rock up on your doorstep, unable to keep his affections to himself any longer. But you also missed out on random messages asking if you could remember that song (“you know the one it was from the early 2000s. Went something like…,”) or the way he’d chuck popcorn at you from the other side of the couch until you managed to catch some in your mouth. It gave you a chance to relax without worrying you were leading him on, or that you’d say the wrong thing, or that the rules you’d come up with would be broken. But that was because you barely spoke to him. Your communication was kept to text messages whenever something big happened and not much more. Ben sent you a message when he got a call back for one of the movies he’d auditioned for. You texted him when your neighbour’s dog had puppies, partly because they’d asked if you knew anyone who could adopt one when it was a little bigger, but partly because the second you saw the babies you thought of how much he’d love them. And yes, you were sleeping better without so much pressure and anxiety, but it hadn’t stopped Ben from appearing in your dreams and even daydreams, explicitly so more often than you were willing to admit. Then of course there was the bombardment of emails from family and friends checking in on you after they’d seen the video. It got so out of hand you’d had to make a rare post on your private Facebook account letting them know things were fine, just to get them to stop harassing you. But you couldn’t stop the harassment you were getting from strangers on all your other social media pages. You got into the bad habit of checking all the big gossip mag websites for  stories about you, following them with as much fervour as any fan might. Ben must have had some paparazzi taking up residence on his street too because you saw countless pictures of Ben going about his day – out with friends, walking to Tesco, smoking outside a pub. And every time there was some story attached either about how heartbroken he was or about how he was sneaking off to meet you in private. You coped the same treatment, though sometimes with the added twist of announcing you were pregnant. All it did was make you wish you could have a hug from Ben and talk about it with him. You came very close to buying a pack of cigarettes one day, just so you could burn one and have its scent linger around your house like Ben had brought it in with him. Felicity was brilliant. She found amusement in the unfamiliar photographers, especially when an article appeared with photos of you and her hugging on your doorstep, speculating you’d moved on from Ben already. It wasn’t so surprising that she’d snuck her way into the magazines she so loved to read considering she checked in on you a lot in the first few days. But, as much as you loved her, and as much as she made you laugh, she had her own job and partner to think about and she couldn’t quite grasp what was happening the same way Ben could have. You missed him more than you thought you would, even with all the baggage from his unrequited crush. So much so that the realisation your makeup date was approaching had you grinning as you made your morning coffee, humming the song from his mug.

It was a surprise, though not an unpleasant one, to hear your phone ringing at close to nine the night before the date. You were sitting in bed playing solitaire on your laptop when your ringtone interrupted. Ben was apologetic as he greeted you, repeatedly saying sorry for calling at all. “It’s okay Ben, I really don’t mind.” You said, putting the laptop aside and relaxing back against the pillows. “Are you sure? I should have just emailed you.” “Ben, stop. I’m glad you called. I’ve missed hearing your voice.” “You have?” “Of course I have. I spent two and a bit months doing nothing but listen to you blab, you really think I’d just forget you?” You could hear his smile when he continued, “I’ve missed talking to you too. I figured this would be a good excuse.” “This being?” “Tomorrow night. Peter said he’d send you the info.” “Of course, yeah I got his email. Tomorrow night, meeting at Boucher at seven.” “Yup, that’s the info.” “I was told to dress up and be prepared to smooch.” “Did he say smooch?” “No,” you laughed, “His phrasing sounded a lot stuffier and careful not to create a lawsuit, but I figured that’s what he meant.” “Yeah, um, you’re okay with that?” “Absolutely. It’s a makeup dinner and we’re going to be together for another couple of months so we should play up the romance and the um, physicality and all that.” You tried to ignore the sudden warmth in your cheeks and the memory of your last dream. “Okay, good because I was specifically told about what happens when we leave the restaurant.” “Hmmm I think I remember something about that but again, stuffy non-lawsuit language. Kinda hard to follow at times.” “Basically they want us to make out while we wait for an Uber. Like, proper make out.” “Oh,” “I told them neither of us are public make out people but they’re insisting they need it. Something about it being an obvious indication of getting back together or whatever. And technically we agreed to it when we signed up for this whole thing.” “Thanks for the heads up.” “No worries. Glad I called now, wouldn’t have wanted to just spring that on you. But um, that’s it really, I’ll let you get back to your last night of peace.” “Wait,” you blurted without having anything else to say. “Yeah?” “Ummm, oh! Did you hear anything more about that movie?” “Not yet but Peter said they’re still in talks. Hopefully soon.” “What’s it about?” “It’s an actiony thriller thing. This guy, the role I auditioned for, witnesses a murder and then gets dragged into this revenge mission. I’d get to shoot some big guns and drive a cool car and y’know save the girl, all that stuff.” “Sounds fun,” “Yeah, what about you, any auditions?” “One or two but nothing’s come of them. I sent my reel in for this supernatural comedy about a coven of witches. Too soon to know anything though.” “Well I hope you get it,” “Yeah, likewise.” “Thanks.” You were forcefully reminded of your last conversation when you both lapsed into silence again, neither of you making any move to hang up. You wanted to keep talking but part of you was worried that if you used up all your conversation topics now, you’d have nothing to talk about over dinner tomorrow, and if that happened you were bound to blurt out something you shouldn’t. Instead you just savoured the sound of Ben’s breaths and the odd rustle of clothing as he shifted around. Once again he was the one to break the silence. “Well, as lovely as it has been to chat, I should go. Gotta get a good night sleep so I’m ready to woo you tomorrow.” “You’re not going to bed yet are you? It’s so early,” “I was gonna read or something for a bit actually.” “Have you finished that show we started?” “Which one?” “Any of them? “No. Figured they could wait.” “You wanna watch one now?” “What, over the phone?” “Yeah, we can try to time it so it plays at the same time.” “Uh, sure, why not,” You quickly grabbed your laptop and, after some discussion of which show you were more in the mood for, found the right episode. There was laughter on both ends of the line as you attempted to hit play at the same time, counting down from three between giggles. It took you a few tries but you eventually got them to sync up, more or less. It felt nice to hear Ben’s laughter again, his voice when he sang along with the soundtrack, his comments about the nitty gritty of the production side – odd line deliveries and angles of shots. He was easy to talk to. Though with everything that had happened, everything you knew, just the act of talking to him set off butterflies in your stomach.

It took you well over an hour to get ready for the date. You’d been told to go all out so that’s exactly what you did. With a little help from Felicity so you could get away with a calming pre dinner drink. She gave you a hand choosing an outfit – a dress, short but not too short, classy but eye catching. It had started life as a dress for a movie premiere but after a few years the top didn’t fit quite right so you’d had it altered, the skirt was taken up, cut off and attached to a new top that more suited your current style, leaving you with a slightly shorter and much more you outfit. Glass of Prosecco close to hand, Felicity worked on your hair and offered advice on your makeup. When you were finished and could reveal the full look to her, she squealed. “You’re absolutely going to get laid.” “Shut up. I look alright though? Lipstick’s not too dark?” “Honey, you look gorgeous. I swear, you’re gonna get dicked down in the bathroom of that fancy as fuck restaurant because he’s not gonna be able to keep his hands off you.” You burst out laughing, “Good to know. Not exactly the plan for the evening but at least I’m prepared now.” “What is your plan?” “I don’t really have one, which is not helping me stay calm. I guess just find out if he’s still interested in me. And then work out where we go from there. We talked last night and that was good but I just need to know if he’s, you know, still into me.” “He’s head over heels for you, that won’t have changed. The question is, do you love him?” You wanted to say no but obviously couldn’t so you settled for a soft, “I’ve have missed him.” She hummed with an annoyingly knowing look. “I should be going, the Uber’ll be here soon.” Felicity pulled you into a hug, “Knock him dead, Y/N,” and then, as an afterthought added, “don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” “You first hooked up with your girlfriend because some drunk guy told you he’d buy you both drinks if you made out. There’s nothing you wouldn’t do.” Felicity laughed, “That was just a free drink, imagine what I’d do if there was a fancy French dinner involved.”

You arrived before Ben did. A quick glance up and down the street told you he wasn’t approaching just yet, so you opened your clutch to give yourself something to think about other than the sound of snapping cameras. Phone, lipstick, tissues, compact mirror, three condoms. You laughed to yourself when you saw them and made a mental note to lie about how useful they were when you next saw Felicity. Quick footsteps caught your attention and you looked up in time to see Ben running towards you. “Sorry, I’m late,” he said between breaths, pressing a kiss to your cheek as soon as he was within reach, “My Uber got caught in traffic and I had to make a stop,” He held out a small bouquet of flowers in a variety of pinks, purples and yellows. “For me?” “No for the other girl I’m seeing, of course for you. You like them?” “They’re beautiful,” you took the bouquet and breathed in its sweet scent. “I saw it in the shop and, um yeah, I don’t know, they seemed nice, a-and I know you, um, like nice things, so,” he stopped babbling with a pained expression on his face, for once more visibly nervous than you. “It’s very sweet of you, thank you,” “I’m glad you think so because right now it feels kinda cliché and cheesy. Now you have to carry them around all night, what was I thinking? And god can I just shut up. Sorry.” You couldn’t help but laugh as he scrunched his nose up and ran his hand through his hair, unintentionally endearing, “Calm down, Ben, we’ve done this before.” “I know,” “Let’s just go inside, further away from these cameras, and have a drink, sound good? “God yes,” he nodded and let you lead him through the door up to the hostess stand, managing to pull himself together enough to give her the name of the booking. As expected, she told you to wait in the bar until a table was ready.

Ben downed his first drink in one hit. It made you wonder how hard he was finding it to be around you. Had the space helped him quiet his feeling for you? Or had it just made him want you more? Was that why he seemed so out of sorts, stumbling over his words in a way that was so unlike him. You desperately wanted to find out where he stood but it was impossible without giving yourself away. What you needed was for him to make another phone call you could overhear but the likelihood of that happening was slim. You’d just have to put it from your mind for now. “Better?” You asked Ben as he caught the barman’s attention and ordered a second drink. “Getting there,” He took the new glass and drank, just a sip this time, “You look stunning by the way. I should have said it earlier,” “Thank you, you look very handsome,” He glanced down at the suit he was wearing, “Thanks.” A somewhat awkward silence followed. “So,” you said, louder than necessary, desperate to get him talking like he normally did lest you start to freak out too, “You been here before?” “No. Never even heard of it before Mary and Peter mentioned it. You?” “Same.” You looked around the room, searching for something else to talk about, “Nice though.” “Yeah, yeah, really swanky.” “Bit different from the painting thing,” “Yeah, very. Look I need to tell you someth-” “Mr Hardy? Your table is ready,” You smiled at the hostess, as he thanked her, and followed her towards a table for two, setting your bouquet down to the side. Ben smiled at you from across the table. “You were saying?” you asked, apprehensive and curious. “Oh, um, nothing, doesn’t matter. We’ve got a date to focus on.” “Wouldn’t want all these prying eyes to miss anything,” “Exactly. Cuddle bunny,” You smiled at the nickname despite its ridiculousness and leaned forward in your seat slightly, letting your fingers gently rest against the back of his hand. If he wanted to focus on the date and putting on a good show for the public then that was something you could do, “Babe.” The flush you’d seen creep onto Ben’s face before appeared again and he reached for his glass once more. “So, how have you been?” you asked, pulling your hand back towards you. He looked at its retreat and then back at your eyes, “Good. Got to hang out with the boys a few times last week which was really good.” “Beat them at any more video games?” “They won’t let me anywhere near FIFA at the moment,” “Discrimination,” “That’s what I tried to tell them!” he laughed, seeming to relax a little more, “bunch of babies.” “What about that trip thing you were organising, have you sorted that out?” “Not entirely. It’s with my friend Joe who lives in the States. He was going to come out here but we decided it wasn’t worth it since I’ll be over there soon anyway.” “You will?” “Well both of us will be. Part of the press stuff for The Perfect Match.” “Oh, right, of course,” you giggled and tucked your hair behind your ear. “He’s looking forward to meeting you though.” “I bet he is,” you said automatically. Of course he’d be keen to meet the woman his friend was infatuated with, you would be too. Ben gave you a questioning look but you covered well enough, “I mean, he’d obviously know about us dating so I assume he’d be curious to meet your girlfriend. Especially if we’re having public spats and stuff.” “Right, yeah, definitely. What about you? What’s been happening?”

From there you fell into your usual style of conversation, both of you relaxing more as the night wore on and the bottle of wine you ordered grew emptier. The only difference from normal was the romance of it all, played up as much as possible. Brushing hands as you both reached for the salt, soft smiles and laughs. You even went so far as to twirl a strand of hair around your finger like some love struck teenybopper in a soap opera. When your food arrived you let Ben feed you a bite off his fork. You offered a taste of your meal in return and he held your wrist as he leaned in. A gesture that left you breathless, blinking at him as he slowly withdrew his hand. The wine’s fault probably. You’d polished off the bottle by the time dessert arrived, on top of the drinks you’d had before you sat down. It made you feel looser and you assumed the same of Ben, judging by how different his demeanour was to the nervous, stuttering one he’d had when he showed up. Perhaps that was why, with a spoonful of chocolate mousse halfway to his mouth and no regard for the conversation you were having, he suddenly said, “Can I ask about these last couple of weeks?” “Uh, yeah, what d’you want to know?” “Was it good? The space, did you get what you wanted from it?” You thought for a moment, putting down your own spoon, “Yes. I’m not going to lie and say it wasn’t helpful because it really was. Just, having that break from everything. I think I really needed it. But I really really missed you too.” He smiled at that, looking down at his dessert like he was trying to hide it, “I’m glad. It was hard not seeing you but yeah, helped me figure some stuff out too. Confirmed some other stuff.” “Like what? If you don’t mind me asking.” “Like…um, the thing I said on the phone about enjoying playing the boyfriend. I like having someone special to share things with,” He sighed, “But that’s…not relevant right now. Do you want to get out of here?” You were a little taken aback by the suddenness of the suggestion but agreed, reapplying your lipstick for the cameras while the waiter collected your bill.

Ben wrapped his arm around your waist once you were outside, pulling you close. With the pretext on planting a kiss on your temple he quietly asked if you were ready for the next part. “Lay it on me,” you giggled, feeling warm and light. A second later his hand was sliding down your side towards your bum which set off another wave of giggles. He kept you close as you walked down the street, oblivious to the flash of cameras. Ben kept his arm around you, using the other to open the app and order a car. You stopped when you reached a quiet bus stop, Ben letting you go to sit down, tapping the spot beside him. But his hand wasn’t gone for long, instead moving to cup your cheek as he pulled you into a kiss. “I missed doing that,” he muttered but you were more focused on making it happen again, shifting yourself closer, laying your hand against him, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. His heart was pounding under your palm, but it matched the beat against your own chest. You’d forgotten how good he was at kissing but it came flooding back as you opened your lips for him, felt his tongue against yours. His hand was firm on your back, pulling you in but still not close enough. You whined, let him pull you onto his lap, pressed yourself against him, one hand in his hair so he wouldn’t stop kissing you. His hands were everywhere, on your arms and back and squeezing your arse, holding you in place as you arched your back slightly and kissed him harder. A car horn right beside you made you pull away, startled. “Ben?” The older man asked, looking down at their phone, “I’m here to pick you up.” “Shit,” Ben said softly, and then to the driver, “Sorry, yes, that’s us.” You let your head fall forward onto his shoulder for a second, smothering your laughter. “C’mon cuddle bunny,” he said softly, “they’ve had enough of a show.” Your legs felt unsteady as you stood and smoothed your skirt down. Ben opened the back door for you and followed you inside. “So sorry about that,” he said again to the driver. He just laughed, “It’s alright. I remember being your age and completely smitten. You’re that couple I’ve seen online, right?” “Uh, yes, that’d be us, I think” “Well if you wanna keep making out I won’t stop you. Might have to tweet about it though.” Ben laughed, “Thanks but I think we can hold off for a bit.” You looked over at Ben and had to cover your mouth to keep from laughing too loud when you saw the lipstick smudged over Ben’s face. “What is it?” Still laughing you handed ben your compact mirror and the pack of tissues from your clutch. “Christ,” he said softly, “The internet’s going to fucking love this.”

The Uber driver left you at the end of Ben’s driveway with a wink and a have fun. There were paparazzi waiting for you so you grabbed Ben’s hand and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. He led you inside, refusing to let go of your hand even while trying to dig his keys from the opposite pocket. Once you were inside, you placed your slightly bruised bouquet on the hall stand, leaned against the closed door and began taking your shoes off. Normally, after being out together and winding up at Ben’s place, you’d head straight to the bathroom to take off your makeup. He’d go and fetch two glasses of water if you’d been drinking or maybe something warm if the night was cool. You’d change into the pyjamas you kept at his place and then join him in the lounge room, sometimes tucking yourselves under the same blanket, to watch TV until you were yawning and struggling to stay awake. And then you’d wish each other good night and head to your separate rooms. But this time something felt different. You kicked your shoes to the side of the hallway and stayed against the door, watching as Ben pulled his wallet from his pocket, dropping it and his keys next to your flowers. He slowly turned towards you, taking a step closer. And you knew you should move, should dodge around him, make a joke about not needing to take off your makeup since he’d already done it for you but you found yourself stepping towards him too. There was a beat as you both realised how close you were. You heard Ben swallow, watched his eyes move to your lips unashamedly. Later, when you were lying in the dark wondering what the fuck had happened, you’d tell yourself it was the wine. A brief impairment of judgement exacerbated by months of celibacy and an easily suggestable brain. Whether you believed it was another question.

You closed the gap but he was only a second behind, hand back on your waist as his other found your jaw. You wrapped your arms around his neck, let him slowly walk you through the house towards the living room you where you’d spent so many nights joking around. He didn’t stop kissing you while you stumbled through the house, not unless he had to and even then he never went far, his breath hot against your lips. You pushed him down onto the couch and straddled his lap, continuing what had been interrupted, his hands falling back to your arse, pushing up your skirt, squeezing, as you tugged on his hair, making him groan. A single rational thought was trapped in the back of your mind, trying to breakthrough but it was hard to think when Ben was holding you like that, kissing you like that, especially after so long without being touched at all. He broke away to mouth at your throat and it was only then that you had enough time to think clearly. “Wait,” you said softly and then again more insistently. “What is it?” “What are we doing? We can’t,” “Why not?” You shook your head, and pushed yourself off of him, taking a couple of steps back, “It’s rule one Ben,” “We wouldn’t even have to break rule one though, we can just stay here on the couch. No harm in making out if we’ve already done it.” A whine caught in your throat and you took an extra half step back to keep from rushing into his arms again, more rational thoughts pushing through the broken wall and joining the first. You shouldn’t, not if there was any chance Ben still had a crush on you. It wouldn’t be fair. “I’d be good to you Y/N, you know I would,” You shook your head, “You know this isn’t real, right Ben?” “Of course I know that,” “Really? Because sometimes I think you forget I’m not actually in love with you.” What’s that supposed to mean?” You bit your lip to try and stop yourself from saying what you were about to say but it was no use, the words were already half out, “I heard you talking to Joe the night you left your keys at the bar. I know you have a crush on me.” “You heard that?” His eyes were wide, horrified. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overhear I just needed a drink an-.” “Oh my god,” He sat up straighter and ran a hand through his hair again and you wished it was your fingers mussing it up, “Maybe you should go.” “Wait, Ben, let’s just talk about it.” “Is that why you were upset before the argument? Is that why you didn’t want to see me for the last two weeks?” “I thought some space might help you stop feeling that way.” He laughed at that, “I’m – I’ve been trying to stop feeling like this for months now, since we were filming together, but I can’t, I can’t shake you. I love you. And it won’t go away.” “You love me?” Ben nodded, looking up at you from the couch but you couldn’t meet his eye. “You don’t have to say you don’t feel the same, I know.” You didn’t know what to say, just stood there, frozen in place. “That’s what I thought,” He stood up, chewing on his lip and when he spoke he had to clear his voice to make it loud enough for you to hear, “I, um, I know I just said you should leave but you can’t go yet. There are still paparazzi out there and we’re meant to look like we’ve made up. I’m going to go to bed though and you can stay until they leave or, if you can still stand to look at me, then you’re welcome to stay the night and I’ll drop you home in the morning. I’m really sorry.” You watched him walk towards the hallway, still frozen in place.

[writingonacloudblog]

I Will Always be His Daughter

I remember when I was six-years old, my father would deadbolt the doors so no one could get in, but also so I couldn’t get out. I couldn’t go outside to play with the other kids or even run around in the backyard. I always wondered why he did that but even when I was a teenager, I never had the courage to ask. Mostly because my father looked at me like I was a monster he was required to live with. I always thought he would kill me one day, but I actually came out of that house alive. I saved up all the money I could find around the house as my father drank his life away and promised I would never see him again. And if he died, I wouldn’t care.

As I sit in my kitchen with a cup of coffee in my hand, I can’t help but think of what my father is doing right at this moment. Mostly because it’s been twenty years since we last seen each other, and I remember that day vividly. I was sixteen years old at the time and I finally saved up enough to leave his house for good. So, I grabbed 2 outfits and put them into a small trash bag to go on my own journey to find my identity. Sadly, it was a special day for me, the mother I lost, and a tragic day for him.

“You ungrateful little bitch…” He mumbled under his breath as I walked into the living room with my bag in hand. Even though I was 16 I knew I needed to act like an adult and take my life into my own hands. I needed to make sure the life I was given isn’t wasted away on a drunk old man who can’t remember he has a daughter to take care of. I wanted the life I would see on all the TV shows like My Wife and Kids and Good Times where the family would laugh with each other and be understanding even when there are struggles. I wanted a family that would love me unconditionally and not push me towards a dark abyss of depression.

I looked at him with tears in my eyes trying to keep them from cascading down my face. I didn’t want to show weakness as I was about to leave. I wanted show that I was stronger than what he thought I was. I wanted to show him the “monster” that he didn’t create.

“So, you want to leave? You are just like your mother you know?” He laughed as he took another swig of whiskey.

“How can I be someone I never met? She died before I was born, or did you forget? Are you that drunk that you can’t remember that? That drunk that you can’t for a second remember her!” I asked feeling the suppressed frustration being released for the first time. I could feel tension in the room as I said these things most 16-year-olds wouldn’t mouth to their parents. It’s always respect your elders but never respect children as well.

“You should ask yourself that question. Don’t you realize everything I have done for you? The long nights I have worked to make sure you had food or the clothes you are wearing, “

“You made that money so you could drink it away. I am not that innocent child anymore. I know exactly what you have done for me! Nothing. All you have done for me is make me resent you,”

“LAYLA MARIE!”

“You have no right to call me by my name. No right to have kept me locked up in this house. And the audacity to call me the name that my mother gave me? You are a real piece of work.”

“Watch your mouth…”

“No, I won’t. I am tired of not living my life! I have no one here. I am alone here. I am tired of being treated like I am some murderer!” I yelled with every breath I had left. I remember feeling my throat become scratchy from all the yelling. I remember clenching my fist wanting to harm him in some way. I remember hearing him laugh at me and mocking me with a smile like a Cheshire Cat.

“I should have let her give you up you know. Because if you weren’t here, SHEwould be here!” He yelled at me his smile changing like the weather. From sunshine to a thunderstorm his whole demeanor became dark. This man was my father and I had to get away.

________________________________________________________

I put my coffee cup down into the sink and go into the fridge to grab the cupcake with a candle on top that I bought after work. When I place it on the counter all the memories of my father flash before my eyes. Him sitting in his recliner after he got off work, watching the NBA playoffs as I sat in my room wondering why I wasn’t allowed to eat that night. The smell of whiskey and cigarettes in the living room wafting up my nose even though I am in my own house, like my father was right beside me. I lit the candle on the cupcake with my lighter thinking of all the birthdays I had before. They weren’t happy at all.

“Happy Birthday Layla….” I say to myself before I blow out the candle not making a wish. I never made one in the past so why make one now. I could hear my phone ring in the other room. I check the time on the oven and it’s too late for anyone to call me. I have no friends or a lover. Its just me against the world as it should be. But for some odd reason I get a feeling that I should answer immediately. Like my world will crumble if I don’t. So, I walk into the other room and pick up my cell phone, hesitant to answer.

“Hello?” asked the voice on the other line. The words wouldn’t form from my mouth.

“Hello? Is this Layla Jones? I am calling about your father, Fredrick Jones,” Hearing his name for the first time in years made my heartbeat rapidly like a drum. Why am I getting a call about him?

“Y yes this is her. Who am I speaking to?”

“I am a nurse at Matagorda General Hospital. I am sorry to inform you of this news, but your father passed away this morning.”

My heart and time stopped. I didn’t know whether to celebrate or to cry. I didn’t know whether to tell her to go away and leave me alone or to cry and ask if she is lying. 20 years later and no call or an apology from him. And now he’s gone from this earth.

“I’m so sorry Ms. Jones. If you would like I can connect you to,”

“No no that won’t be necessary. Thank you for letting me know,” I said before hanging up the phone and sitting on the floor staring at the wall. I knew I have to go back home and bury him since he didn’t have anyone else. At least that’s how I left him. I left him there with his whiskey in hand drunk like he always was.

I take few deeps breaths to calm my nerves and get up from the floor to pack my suitcase for my flight back home. I know don’t have a ticket, but I know that I can get one for 2 days later. I grab my nice black suitcase with leather handles and grab the clothing that is suitable for the humid weather that makes your hair frizz up into an afro. I close my suitcase up after getting everything packed away neatly and set it to the side in my room. I always thought one day I would have to face him, but I didn’t think I would be facing him in a coffin.

________________________________________________________

A few days later, I landed in my hometown feeling a sense of myself again. The humidity embraced me into a tight hug as I placed my bags into the car I rented for the few days I would be here. I put my old home’s address into the GPS hoping that when I arrive my father still hadn’t moved out. Driving down these small-town roads and seeing places I never got to explore like the schools or the small shopping center, makes me feel like I don’t know this place at all. The only place I remember is my fathers’ house and the airport. The only memory being my father and that’s all.

I pulled up to the house and saw about ten cars parked on the side of the road along with 3 cars parked in the driveway including my dad’s old 1990 Chevrolet Impala. I didn’t think my dad had anyone in his life when I left. He never had friends that came over to watch the game or have a couple drinks. He never really talked about his family or my mom’s family since he was practically disowned, and he felt a lot of guilt about my mother’s death that he never told them that I was still alive.

I got out of my car and locked it, walking up to the front door that has changed since I was last here. I remember staring at the old front door analyzing the rusted screws and the dents on the top and bottom. Now it has changed to a door as white as dove with bronze screws and a beautiful flower wreath that makes me think of the gates to heaven. I try to calm myself taking a few deep breaths as I lift my hand to knock on the door wondering who I will face.

A woman opens the door staring at me, and I don’t recognize her. She was about 5’5’’ with a salt and pepper braided bun greased down to perfection, her eyes red but her demeanor stronger than a bull. I could smell her perfume and felt a sense of nostalgia to the old ladies in church who would always sit in the front of service and fan themselves while singing every church hymn loud for everyone to hear.

“Can I help you?” She asked staring me down like I was a threat to her.

“Yes, ma’am I am just wondering if I am at the right place actually.” I said looking past her and seeing about 20 people in a house with a changed interior from what I left it. The recliner he used to sit in is gone. The smell of smoke and whiskey doesn’t waft towards my nose anymore, but a scent of lavender incense mixed with this woman’s perfume surrounds me.

“Well, I can only tell you if you let me know what you are looking for chile,” She placed her hands on her hips and stared at me like she was trying to figure out who I was.

“A man I used to know lived here and I heard he passed away, so I came to pay respects. But I think I might be at the wrong place,” I stared at the ground and sighed preparing to be on my way to the hotel I booked. I could feel her eyes analyzing my face and my clothing wondering if I was some good for nothing child who is looking for trouble. Most likely asking herself why I had showed up at her house?

“Well, the only man who stayed here was my husband, Fredrick. Are you a friend of his from his old job? Or from the grocery store?” She asked, her eyebrow arched up. I couldn’t tell her I was his daughter because I doubt he ever mentioned me. His daughter who left him behind to find her own life. And imagine being the wife of a man who had daughter you didn’t know about?

“Yes, ma’am I knew him from the grocery store. I am sorry for you’re lost.”

“This gathering is only for family but thank you for the condolences. I am sure Freddie is in a better place.”

“Mom” a feminine yet bright voice called from behind her. When the older woman turned around, I caught glimpse of a girl who looked similar my dad with light brown eyes and his nose. She looked to be in her early twenties with a beautiful black designer dress you would see in Vogue magazine. She must be my fathers’ pride and joy since she doesn’t look like she has suffered at all.

“Yes Kayla?” the older woman asked back.

“Who’s at the door?” Kayla asked catching a glimpse of me before I put my head down looking at the ground, praying to God that I can just run back to my car and get the hell out of here.

“Just a bagger from the grocery store baby girl.”

“Well Aunt Shelly needs help with the potato salad she’s about to put raisins in it again.”

“I swear this woman is gonna make me lose my damn mind…” She mumbled as she turned to look at me. “Thanks again for coming by Honey, we all appreciate it. These last 2 days have been very hard on us. I used to go to the hospital everyday to go check up on him and it hurt me to see him in pain. I am just glad he is back home with the lord. He was such as good father and an even greater husband you know?” She tried to hold back her tears. I couldn’t agree on anything she was saying at all. The father I had was not good at all. He wasn’t some angel sent from heaven, but I guess that’s just her view of a devil in disguise.

As she and I said our goodbyes and the door closed in front of me, I regretted going back to my father’s home. I got back into my car with my suitcase in the trunk and drove back to the airport. There was no reason for me stay there when I’m not his family anyway. The way he treated me I shouldn’t want to pay respects to him at all. He had a new wife and daughter while I was struggling to come to terms that I never will have a sitcom relationship with him. I had to go to therapy and find love within myself because I lacked the love and support of a parental figure. He made me look like a fool again except in death.

I drove back to the airport straight from the funeral. I didn’t care how much a plane ticket would cost me, I just wanted to go back to my life again. I wanted to leave the past behind and pay attention to my future again. I sat in the waiting area and all I could do is stare at the carpet, watching the patterns expecting it to change and have some type of relief. I remember sitting in this airport with a trash bag, a plane ticket, and no plan, crying for someone to save me from him. I begged God to end my suffering and let me be with my mother. Yet, he was a good father?

When I got on the plane, all the comprehension of what just occurred just wouldn’t add up to me. He had a whole replacement family that doesn’t even know about me. I bet they don’t know about my mother or how he was a useless drunk so many years ago. The man who I begged to be my father for years until I had enough.

When I arrived back at my condo from my overnight flight back, I went to check my mailbox for my usual credit card bills and rent reminder. But instead, there was an envelope with a scent I knew too well. I looked at the envelope and read Fredrick Jones on the left-hand corner. A part of me wanted to burn the letter in the fireplace, especially since I wasted a trip to be confronted by his new family that he most likely treated in the way I always hoped he would treat me. But the other side of me wanted to open the letter carefully and cry until my eyes became sore. I wanted to open and see an apology for the way he treated me all those years. I wanted to finally hear him say that I am not a disappointment or a murderer.

So many things in one letter that I wanted to be said so I can cry until I can’t cry anymore. The years of hatred I had for this man and the love I was looking for in this man will be buried 6 feet under. But I will never open this letter. I will never forget my father and I know I will always be his daughter.

[headoverhiddles]

Hey There, Demons - Marilyn Manson x Reader [Smut]

Synopsis: You, drummer for the Spooky Kids, aka the Dumbass Idiots, decide with the band to go ghost hunting in LA one night after a show. Bad idea for the most part, good idea for the sole reason of finally putting you and Manson together in a dark room. Feelings? What are those? 

Notes: Spooky Kids era! I’ve been watching a lot of Buzzfeed Unsolved, so here you go. Also features a bit of Twiggy x Pogo for good measure. 

"I don't believe in ghosts."

You toss a napkin at Brian. "Poser." You're all sitting in an airport, waiting for your flight from Jacksonville to Los Angeles for a show tonight.

He grins. "Nah. I'm just bullshitting, of course I do. I mean, I've never seen one, other than that whole Necronomicon thing when I was a kid, but half of me thinks that was from drinking bong water.” 

“Yeah. Well. Imagination is a beautiful thing." 

He licks his lips. "Especially when I'm jacking off."

"Gross," you mutter.

"That's not what you said last night."

"You wish," you huff.

"Cool it you two, we all know you're banging," Pogo calls out, and starts making high pitched moaning noises. You (and everyone else in the band) looks at the keyboardist, wondering if it'd attract even more attention to tape his mouth shut. "Ah! Ah! Ah!”

Jeordie joins in. “Oh, god! Oh, Brian! Yes! What a big dick you have!"

"All the better to fuck you with," Brian plays along. Jeordie climbs into Brian’s lap.

"Stop it, big boy, you're turning me on!"

"I don't sound like that," you mutter.

"Ohhh yeeeeah," Jeordie groans out a climax, and Daisy scoffs, slipping on his sunglasses to avoid the odd stares you're getting.

"I'll have what he's having."

"Unless... Brian is the one taking it," Pogo muses, "That's possible." He drops his voice. "Mmmm. Bette, make me your bitch!"

"Yeah, I just love it when (y/n) gets the strap on out and destroys my ass," Brian grumbles. You blush a little, but hide it under a laugh.

"Again. You wish."

“Am I the only one who finds it very hard to believe (y/n) would put out for Bri?” Jeordie asks. It’s Brian’s turn to toss something at his best friend.

“We all know if she had good taste in men, she’d be fucking me already.”

You hold up three fingers. “Read between the lines.”

You and Brian had been skirting around one another since you had joined the band. You had known Jeordie since working at a crappy part time job at a used record shop with him, and had met the others when Brian had moved to Florida from Ohio, which was a few years ago. They had gotten this band together with another drummer who called himself Sarah Lee Lucas.

Recently, Sarah had left the band to pursue something else, and since banging on things with sticks isn't too hard in your books, you convinced the Spooky Kids to hand you the drumsticks as the newly christened member, Bette Davis x Jeffery Dahmer: Bette Dahmer. It hadn't been easy to convince them to let a girl in, since they’re all a bunch of juvenile assholes, but with Jeordie backing you, eventually they caved.

"Back to the matter at hand," Brian says.

"Hand job," Jeordie giggles, picking a scab off. He pouts as it bleeds.

"Later," Brian quips, standing on a chair. You tug him down before a security guard can do it, and he falls on his ass. "Ow, fuck you."

"That's what anal feels like," you say.

"You would know Bets, you probably take it up the ass from fifty guys at a time, ya fuckin whore," Pogo laughs.

"Stephen, Jesus," Daisy chuckles a little. Pogo has zero filter, and sometimes it's refreshing, sometimes it's annoying. You take your wad of gum out, balling it up, and use your hair elastic to slingshot it right in his face. The guy just picks it up and pops it in his mouth.

"Aw!"

"Ew!"

"You're fucking disgusting, man."

"Eat shit and die." Pogo gives you all the finger, and Jeordie speaks up, laying his head in your lap and stretching out over the airport seats.

"Someone said something about ghosts. I like ghosts. Space ghosts."

"Yes!" Brian brings it back. "Thank you Jeordie, back on track. We are all going ghost hunting tonight, after the show."

"Who died and made you god?" Pogo asks.

"God did," Brian snapped. "And when I'm god everyone dies."

"That's profound, poetry-man," you smirk, crossing your arms, "Got any more emo shit to say before Scott gives every reason why we shouldn't break into some haunted building tonight with video cameras?"

"Who has a video camera?" Jeordie asks, wide eyed, "I wanna see how big my dick looks on screen."

"It looks just like your namesake," Brian says. "Twiggy." Jeordie looks crestfallen.

"It's not that small," you assure him, "It's average, but not small."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'd let you have a go, if you weren’t..." You smirk, alluding to the crush Jeordie had on another band member. He goes red.

"If Brian wasn't already balls deep in that," Pogo chides.

"I bet your dick looks like a pickle," you shoot back, sticking your tongue out.

"Wanna check?"

"Okay," Daisy blushes, standing up, "Just cause we're a band, doesn't mean we need to have an orgy."

"What was the point, then?" you joke.

"Anyway. Like Bette said, I really don't think we should be doing this tonight. If we get arrested for trespassing, what'll that do to the band?"

Brian crosses his arms. "Well I'm the leader, and I say it'd give us a cool reputation!”

"Right. Members of the Marilyn Manson family get arrested for... what, looking for ghosts? What a hardcore group of people.”

"We can tell the press we killed someone. Besides, this is the type of shit we’re supposed to do as a metal band. We gotta do dumb, risky things that make us look like bonified Satanists. Otherwise we’re just posers like the rest of ‘em.”

“No, we just have to go on a couple benders in hotel rooms with some blow and a couple tatted up prostitutes, and we’ll fit in.”

“Look, we can do cocaine off girls’ tits and go ghost hunting and still be rock stars, so shut the fuck up Berkowitz, we're doing it," Brian says. Daisy puts his hands up, unwilling to argue with him any more than he already has. So, it’s settled.

You bump your foot against Brian's, and he gives a lopsided smile, brushing the long black hair out of his face and bumping your foot back. Momentarily, his attention is diverted.

"Will someone go get Jeordie? He's pissing in the water fountain."

--

You look out at the crowd. This is a bigger audience than usual here in LA.

“Lots of motherfuckers came out to see us,” Bri comes by to whisper at you, parting his hair and making sure his lipstick is nice and smeared. You nod, and toss him his big floppy top hat. He sticks it on his head as you’re introduced.

“All the way from the South Florida music scene, we’ve got Marilyn Manson and the Spooky Kids!”

Jeordie starts the first song, Negative Three, off with a bassline intro, and you start the band off with a four count on your drumsticks, then hit the drums as Brian begins to wail into the mic.

“Give me your blood, your teeth, your high school pictures...”

You watch him, not skipping a beat on your rhythm. Daisy headbangs as you launch into the chorus, and Twiggy fiddles with his bass guitar across the stage, dressed in one of his ragdoll dresses. Pogo is to the right of you, hammering away at his keys and jolting around. You always have a good time performing with the guys, but Brian’s got your attention tonight.

He keeps looking back at you, for some reason.

You almost don’t realize the change in song and the fact that you’d been playing it, and nearly jump when Brian screams into the mic: “I bring you!”

You look away from his shirtless figure, and focus on putting on a good show with them as the crowd moshes in front of you.

--

After the show, everyone stops back at the motel quickly, drying off and getting changed. You all reconvene after getting into more comfortable clothes, avoid the small group of fans waiting to follow you, and get ready to leave.

“You were great tonight,” Brian says.

“Really? I nearly missed the beginning of Lunchbox,” you huff.

“Nah, I didn’t notice it. If I had, I would’ve yelled at you til you cried.” He gives a shit eating grin.

The Viper Room. The five of you stare at it. The sun has long since set after the show, and you're in front of the LA nightclub with amateur ghost hunting equipment. (AKA, anything you could find at a five and dime store on the sunset strip this late at night).

"River Phoenix died here,” Jeordie mentions.

“And Johnny Depp owns the place," Daisy remarks.

"I know him," Brian says.

"River Phoenix?” Pogo asks, stroking his beard. “Yeah? You climb into his grave often?"

"Depp, I know Johnny Depp."

"If you know Johnny Depp, then Twiggy's Luke Skywalker," Pogo scoffs.

"Like my father before me," Twiggy mumbles. 

"No, I know him! I was an extra on his show, 21 Jump Street. He's cool, we're friends."

"Suuuure."

Even Jeordie snickers at that, after emerging from his Star Wars fantasy. "Fuck you guys," Brian mutters, "If Johnny was here right now--"

"Oh, you're on a first name basis, huh?"

"If Johnny was here right now, you fucking clown asshole, he'd say hi Brian, and tell you to go fuck yourself."

"He'd say ‘hi Brian’?" you tease, and he smiles.

"Yes, he would. He's nice."

“Would he like me?”

“Anyone would like you.”

"Does he think this place is haunted?"

"I don't know," the singer hums, "I never asked."

You pick the lock, all enter, and shut the door behind you. It's pitch black, and frankly a little nerve-wracking.

"We shouldn't be here," Daisy sing songs.

"One more word out of you and we're feeding you to the ghosts," Pogo says.

"The same could be said for you," you say to the keyboardist. He shoots a dirty look your way that you can't see through the dark. "I did some reading,” you admit, and everyone turns to you. “Apparently there’s a body buried downstairs, in the crawlspace.”

“Johnny’s a killer,” Jeordie whispers in awe.

“That’s fucking rad,” Brian mutters, “I have even more respect for the guy now.”

“It wasn’t Johnny, don’t say that shit out loud in Hollywood or you’ll get sued,” you say, rolling your eyes. “So aside from the bones, the ghostly activity is downstairs in the basement, the VIP room, and by the bar.”

"I know where I'll be," Jeordie smiles, and walks over to the bar. "Pour me a stiff one River, and don't spare the rum."

Pogo sighs. "C'mon, Daisy. The odd couple are going down to the basement."

"Uh, now I think I should be the one to stay at the bar." Daisy shakes his head. "If Jeordie does, we'll have smashed bottles and cop sirens."

"Fine," Jeordie complains, shoving his red and black dreads out of his face.  

“Whatever, dude. It’s just a bunch of bullshit anyway,” Pogo mutters, “It’s like Santa Clause, parents invent ghosts and all that shit to scare kids into behaving themselves, the ever present fascism of the oppressed American youth...” Jeordie follows the ranting keyboardist downstairs, shooting you a desperate look. You just smile, giving a little good luck wave.  

“That leaves you and me in the VIP room,” you say, turning to Brian.

“That it does,” he replies, licking his lip ring. “Just don’t try to hold my hand. That’s sick.”

“If you touch me, I’ll scream,” you retort, and walk ahead of him. He admires your ass with the flashlight, and you smile a little.

Downstairs in the basement, Pogo starts banging on the walls.

“Hello! My friends, my ghoulish friends! My... ghoulfriends, if you will. ANYONE WHO’S GOT THEIR BONES BURIED BACK HERE, MAKE A NOISE! Fart or something!” He swings his arms around.  

“Did Johnny Depp kill you?” Jeordie asks, eyes wide. He twitches at a car honk outside.

Pogo bounces up and down. “Come attack me, bones! Make me one of you! Come on, murder me and bury me, daddy! I’m into that kinky shit! I am here for the taking!”

“That sounds a little forceful,” Jeordie whispers.

“On my part, or their part?” Silence.

“Good point.”  

They keep walking around, and Jeordie trips on something. Pogo keeps banging and yelling obnoxiously. “GOBLINS, GHOULIES, FROM LAST HALLOWEEN! AWAKEN THE SPIRITS WITH YOUR TAMBOR—hey Jeordie, what the fuck are you doing on the ground?”

“I just like the taste of carpet,” Jeordie retorts, sarcasm apparently not evident enough for Pogo to catch it.  

“Jesus, what are you on? I want some.”  

“Help me up?”  

“Yeah, yeah,” the mad clown mutters, and leans down. Jeordie takes his arm, and the two look at each other for a few seconds, the flashlight beneath them illuminating the specks of dust floating through the inch or so between their faces. “Uh...” Pogo whispers, deep voice grumbling.

“Yeah,” Jeordie swallows, and the two stand again, looking away from one another.

Upstairs, you and Brian enter the VIP room.

“Hey there demons, it’s me. Marilyn Manson,” he says, “This is my concubine, Bette Dahmer. Scare us.”  

You glare at him. “Actually, scare me. You can just kill him.” The two of you look around with the flashlight a bit, inspecting the dark wallpaper and decor.

“This is kinda spooky,” Brian admits.

“It’s nice,” you say, stroking the dust off a lamp, “Very gothic. I can see why movie stars like this place.”

“Yeah.” Brian turns the flashlight on and off, finally setting it on a small table and letting the beam keep the room dimly lit. “Lots of old Hollywood glamour. You’d fit right in.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, you’d look pretty in an old Marilyn Monroe dress. Or at least one of Jeordie’s.”  

“What if Marilyn Monroe came here?” you giggle.

“Hey, Mar! Thanks for the name!” Brian calls, “If we get rich and famous, we’ll give you the royalties!” You lounge out on one of the couches, and he eyes you. “You could be sitting on a ghost right now,” he says, “You could have a ghost inside you.”

“Mm?”

“You could be sitting right on his big ghost cock.”

“That’s hot.”

“You could have me inside you too, if you wanted.”

“Y’know, I think we’ve been on the road too long,” you laugh, “Pogo’s jokes are getting to you.”

“It’s not the jokes.”

“Yeah, well. If I’m starting to look hot to you, you must be delirious.”

“Nah... I really do think you’re hot, Bets.”

He sits next to you, and you look over at him. “Seriously?”

He ducks his head. “Yeah.”

“I... feel the same way. I mean, I was never ever gonna tell you, cause soon, with any luck, we’ll be big rock and roll stars, and you-- well, you know how it works. You’ll have a million groupies, you’ll be drowning in free pussy.”

“Fuck the groupies. I want your pussy.”

You laugh. “You say that now.”

“Yeah, I do. Til someone better comes along, which I doubt will happen.” He lifts his eyes to meet yours. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you all night. It was weird onstage—usually I can hide it, but tonight... I don’t know. You sitting there, in that top, with your eyes... you were just...” He looks down again, his old shyness coming back. You don’t know what to say. You can only stare at his lips.

Over at the bar, Daisy sits patiently, watching the glass he’s set on a napkin. “Hello, ghosts. It’s me, Scott. You can call me Daisy if you like. If you can hear me, move the cup.”

He stares at the cup. The cup does not move.

Downstairs, Pogo and Twiggy are awkwardly trying to continue their ghost hunt without talking about the moment they just had.

“So, uh, so ghoulies. Where ya from?” Pogo shouts. “Is SATAN in the room with us? We are BIG FANS, sir.” Jeordie starts giggling about something. “What is it?!”

“I just heard a bang above us.”

“That means the demons have come out to play, Jeordie-boy!” Pogo cackles, hopping up on a booth seat and drumming the ceiling.

“No. It means Bette and Manson are screwing around,” Twigs laughs. Then his face gets dead serious. “What if, uh...”

“What if what?” Pogo glances over suspiciously.

“What if... they weren’t the only ones?”

You gasp, standing up and staring at the shattered lamp that had just fallen off the table. “Oh my god. That wasn’t me.”

“Wasn’t me.”

“They’re totally gonna think we’re screwing around up here.”

“Maybe we are,” Brian gets up too, tucking his hair behind his ear.

“Y-you wanna?” you back up. He nods, and falls on top of you on the other couch.

At the bar, Daisy sits, staring at the cup. He patters his fingers on his knees. “It’s okay, ghosts,” he says, smiling politely, “I can wait.”

He stares at it some more. The cup does not move.

In the room, you reach your hand up Brian’s back underneath his black t-shirt. “Fuck, I can’t believe we’re doing this.”

“Shut up and take my pants off.”

“Don’t tell me to shut up. Take your own pants o... ohhh, god, yeah.” Brian reaches up to massage your breasts, and you throw your head back, undoing his fly.  “How long have you wanted to do this?”

“Since the day I walked into the dumb record shop and stole that David Bowie EP.”

“What the fuck?! I got fired for that!”

Downstairs, Pogo runs a hand over his smooth bald head. “I don’t know, man. This sounds very gay to me.”

“I mean,” Jeordie scuffs his shoe on the ground, “It doesn’t have to be. Or like, it could be. If you’re cool with that.”

“If I’m cool with being a homo?”

“...Yeah.”

Pogo looks up at Jeordie, and sighs. “For you?” He glances around the dark, creepy basement, then back to the bassist. “I could be cool with that.”

Daisy changes tactics. “Here. Don’t like moving cups? That’s okay, neither do I sometimes. Let’s try this again.” He smiles. “What’s your name?”

“Oh, god... Brian!” you moan from the VIP room.

“Br... Brian!” Daisy says, excitedly, standing up. “You have the same name as my friend! Oh god... okay, um... how did you die, Brian?”

“Get inside me,” you groan, and Brian takes his boxers down, kissing you as he sinks into your tight heat. The two of you moan, base instincts taking over.

“In... inside you?!” Daisy repeats, eyes lighting up at the apparent paranormal activity he’s discovered. “Oh! You died from an overdose, just like River, didn’t you? You had too many narcotics inside you!”

Downstairs, Pogo steps forward, and swallows. Jeordie closes his eyes, and waits. Suddenly, a car screeches through a red light outside, and Jeordie practically jumps into Pogo’s arms, forcing the two together at the lips. Pogo’s eyes fly open, and Jeordie’s close again, enjoying the kiss. They break away, and stare at one another. Pogo swears, and goes in for another kiss.

“Harder,” you whisper, wrapping your arms around the singer’s neck. He pushes his hips in faster.

“You like it rough, sweetheart?”

“Yeah Bri, I like it rough, yeah...”

He reaches down, finding your sweet spot. You arch into him, scratching your nails up his slender back. He keeps pounding into you, and grunts into your neck.

“Baby, baby, baby...”

“Do you have a message for me, or for any members of our band?” Daisy asks, and lowers his voice conspiratorially. “You know... some insider’s industry tips?” He winks.

“Goood, you’re so fucking good!”

Daisy raises his eyebrows. “I... well thank you! Thank you very much, we really try to reach people with our music.”

“What the fuck are you blabbering about?” Pogo mutters on the stairs, wiping Twiggy’s lipstick off his chin. Daisy beckons them over.

“Shhh! Watch this. I’m sorry I ever doubted you guys... the spirits are so active in this place! Forget making records. We could be mediums!” Jeordie joined Pogo over by the bar as Daisy went on. “Okay—if you’re here with us now, give us a sign.”

There’s a loud bang, followed by a creak and a faint gasp. Jeordie and Pogo look at one another, actually a little bit freaked out by the response. Then comes the “communication.”

“I’m coming, oh-- I’m coming!”

“Where?!” Daisy cries, “Show yourself, come!” Pogo sighs, and Jeordie falls to the floor, laughing.

“I think they already did, pal.” The keyboardist raises his painted on eyebrows, and points to the VIP room. You stumble out, hair messed to hell, and Brian comes out behind you, buckling up his belt. Daisy stares at the two of you for the longest time, before getting up and walking toward the door.

The rest of you go to walk out, deeming the place a paranormal dud, when a gust of wind blows behind you. Brian’s about to turn around, accusing Jeordie of leaving a window open or something, but there’s nothing there. Then, everything happens at once. Daisy’s cup tips over the side of the counter and shatters. The door to the VIP room slams shut, and you all start to hear thumping footsteps coming up the stairs from the basement.  

You and Brian grab at each other, running out first while laughing. Pogo shoves Jeordie over and bolts out. A few seconds later, he runs back in, grabbing the bassist by the hand and dragging him out too. Daisy stays, getting out the video camera. Brian walks back in, guiding the guitarist out calmly, and closes the club’s front door with a click.

“Hey uh, Bri?” you say, taking his arm. He grunts, putting an arm around you. “Next time you see your friend Johnny Depp... maybe don’t mention that we fucked in his haunted club. Kay?”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #326

“life by life  /  waste to waste  /  i'm the harbinger: the master of decay”

When you get married what do you think you’ll put most of your focus and money into? Do you mean like, for the wedding? Probably the venue. Or possibly the photographer. Have you ever had a teacher that also taught your parents? No. What’s something you complain about frequently? My legs. Are you afraid of falling in love? Very. Are you close to any of your aunts/uncles? Not very. Do you hate it when people smoke around you? Very much so. Do you own anything that is special edition? Yeah, things like DVDs. Do you have any funky bookmarks? I have this one meerkat bookmark where the image moves when you tilt it. Did you ever watch Pokemon? Hell yeah I did. Are there more females or males in your family? Females. Does anyone in your family snore loudly? My mom does due to having gerd. Dad did too when I actually lived with him. I wouldn't know nowadays. Do you own a camera tripod? Yes. Did you ever believe in mermaids? No. Have you ever purchased alcohol? Yes. Any essential quirks/interests/other you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner? Similar interests, like being a metal fan and gamer especially, as well as a serious animal lover for sure. Any romantic gestures you really like? Okay if someone did that little bow thing while reaching out for my hand to dance, I'd melt, lol. I also appreciate love interests holding open doors, SHOWING INTEREST IN HOW I FCKN FEEL, asking permission before doing anything in sexual exploration, stuff like that. Any sexual fantasies? Are you daring enough to share one? Yep, not sharing those lmfao. Have you ever been in love? Twice. What is your favorite/least favorite word? My favorite is "serendipity/serendipitous," and my least favorite is "retarded." Have you ever been skinny dipping? No. If I actually had a body I was confident in, I probably would in privacy tho at night lmao. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Oh yeah. What is your favorite thing to do? Probably RPing with my favorite OCs when I'm in a really creative mood and during a great scene. Did you go to your senior prom? Yeah, I did. Prom's honestly pretty damn overrated, but I did it and his senior prom anyway. It's the picking out a beautiful dress and taking pictures that I loved. What did you do after graduation? I don't remember. We probably went out to eat or something. Favorite home cooked meal growing up? Spaghetti. What item most embarrasses you to purchase? Nothing, really. Do you give cards to people for holidays or events? No. Name the coolest thing about one of your grandparents. Uhhhhh idk. Name two things you put whipped cream on? I hate the texture of whipped cream. Do you ever eat peanut butter straight from the jar? Sometimes if I want a snack but am trying to be healthy-ish, I'll eat just a scoop. What was the last pill you took for? Pain. Do you prefer your clothes loose or close fitting? Loose, 100%. Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? Meerkats grooming. I did it in high school on a large piece of burlap. Are there any songs that remind you of your mother? "Take It Like a Woman" by Alice Cooper, for one. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? Very smart, sweet, friendly, and nice. Game you were best at in PE/gym? Pf, none. Obsession from childhood? Dinosaurs and Pokemon. Best way for someone to bond with you? Let's talk about deep stuff regarding the world or about how awesome animals are. Top 5 favorite Vines? Oh boy. There are just way too many. I'll try to name a few: 1.) the "I can't find my berries" saga guy; 2.) *in drive-thru, asked what he would like to order* "I wanna FUCKIN DIE"; 2.) "i cOUldA DROPpeD my CroISSAnt"; 3.) "it's Wednesday, m'dudes"; 4.) "a d a m"; 5.) "I WON'T HESITATE, BITCH." God, I miss Vine. What is the first meme you remember seeing? Holy cow, I have no idea. Sci-fi, fantasy, or superheroes? Fantasy. Favorite tradition? Dressing up for Halloween, even though I don't do it anymore... Talent you’re proud of having? Writing. Favorite website from your childhood? Webkinz was unbeatable. I was obsessed. Any good luck charms? I don't believe in those. Favorite potato food? French fries. Tell me the color of your eyes, without using the name of a color: Uhhhh a cloudy sky right before rain? Ever been through a goth phase? Goth is my fucking AESTHETIC. I wish I could afford a truly gothic wardrobe, because you bet your sweet ass it's all I'd wear out. Can you remember your first phone? If so, what kind was it? I think so? It was a Blueberry, I believe. Who is your favourite character from Alice in Wonderland? Obviously the Cheshire cat. What is your favorite type of YouTube video to watch? Lately, it's been tarantula and snake channels/pet YouTubers. I still think my overall favorites are let's plays, but right now it's just stepping back a bit. What’s the next project you are excited to start? I have this pretty cool drawing I wanna do of a morbid meerkat doing a big toothy smile, doing a peace sign (but his fingers are syringes) with a crown blinking over his head. Inspired by the "Professional Griefers" lyric of "lab rat king." I just really wanna make it perfect and am procrastinating in fear of failing... Have you ever experienced a miracle? I don't think I believe in miracles. What are your top three names you like for a daughter? Alessandra, Justine, and Chloe, to name a few. Which did you like better: high school or college? High school, at least in most ways. What is the theme of your bedroom? It doesn't have a theme. My interests just kinda threw up everywhere, haha. Have you ever lived in a dorm? No. Were you raised religious? Yes. Do you do your own taxes, or do you hire a professional? I don't have to do taxes yet. What was the very first thing you ever saved up to buy with your own money? Venus was the first big thing, I think. Describe your favorite Christmas ornament: I don't know what that would be, honestly. We have so very many. What jobs did your parents have when you were growing up? Dad's always been a mailman, and he also had a second job as a carpenter for a while. Mom worked with special needs children at my elementary school as a teacher assistant. She also worked at the hospital at one point, doing some computer work. I don't remember her actual position. Are you taller than your mom? We're the same height. Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? Sure, that's not a big deal to me. Last reason you went to the ER? For myself, a suicide attempt/overdose. What was the last word document you typed? This survey, actually, so I could save progress as I combine them. What’s something you don’t think people take seriously enough? Global warming. Have you ever dated someone who had a child from a previous relationship? No. Is there any drama currently going on with your family? No. What was the last fruit or vegetable you chopped/sliced up? An apple. I wanted apple slices with peanut butter. What is your favorite Hostess/Little Debbie snack? Holy SHIT that is impossible. Maybe the devil cakes, but I really don't know. I love most of them. Do you/your family buy loaf from the bakery or bagged on the shelf? Bagged. White, wheat or other? Mom buys white bread, but my favorite is pumpernickel. What was the last non-fiction book you’ve read? (Not a school textbook!): I ain't got a clue. I don't really read non-fiction. What color are your headphones/earbuds? These are blue. Would you be embarrassed to find out you snored loudly in public? Yep. Thankfully, I don't snore. Do you feel guilty about killing bugs? Yep. How do you feel about coconut? Not a fan. ^ Ever cracked one open? Ha, I've always wanted to. Who did you last worry about and why? My mom. She's getting a CT scan ASAP due to chronic headaches and stomach pain, so I'm worried her cancer might be re-emerging. When was the last time you ate/drank something gross just to be polite? I don't know; I struggle to do this. If I don't like something, my face shows it. I can't help it. When did you last make up a baby’s bottle? Never. Do you have any framed black & white photos in your home? Who are they of? No. What’s the most expensive thing your car needed to get done? N/A If you had a thousand dollars to spend on a pricey brand you like but can’t really afford (until now of course), which ONE brand would you chose? I don't know. Real talk, I find most luxury brands to sell pretty ugly stuff... Do you like candy canes? Yeah. Do you still talk to any of your old teachers? Yes; one is my landlord. What color was the dress you wore to your senior prom? It was black. Ever go to another school’s prom? No. Do you like burning candles or incense? I love incense. Do you ever venture into the woods? What do you normally do in there? When I used to live in the woods, I did every now and then to take pictures. Does your significant other ever make you mix CDs? Single, but that would be so romantic. /swoons How did you dress your freshman year of high school? I was this emo/metalhead/goth creature. What is the best present you have ever received? My dog Teddy. <3 What is the best present you have ever given? I put the most effort into a scrapbook thing of well over a hundred reasons I loved my then-boyfriend Jason. Even though we're done, I honestly hope he still has it, just to remember. What is the best surprise you have ever had? Sara's parents paying for a flight up there to be with Sara for her birthday. Have you ever been robbed? No, thankfully. Ever kiss someone on the first date? No. Ever sleep with someone on the first date? Definitely a nope. Ever give someone a wrong phone number on purpose? No. What’s the strangest thing you have ever witnessed firsthand? I have no idea. It's... very morbid, but possibly dogs twitching after being euthanized. Seeing Teddy do it was such a strange, painful experience. Like there was still life in there... even though I know it was just his nerves doing their final hoorah and he was already dead. Ever seen a psychiatric ward? I've been in a mental hospital five or six times, so I'm uncomfortably familiar with them. What is the last thing you did that you didn’t want to do? Group therapy. I'm really burning out on it. Thankfully, I don't have it on the weekends. What is the last thing you convinced someone else to do? I dunno. If you could live in a different time, would you? When? Nah. Do you prefer to sleep alone or with someone else? Sleeping alone is more comfortably physically, but I usually prefer sleeping with a partner because there's this amazing feeling of safety, love, and companionship. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. Do you prefer cold air and blankets, or warm air and no blankets? Cold air and blankets by ten miles. I can't sleep if I'm even remotely hot. How often do you dust? Sigh, not as much as I need to. What is the most "extreme" activity you have ever done? I haven't done very much that fits that description... so idk. Dr. Pepper or root beer? Dr. Pepper. I hate root beer. Last room you cleaned? Mine. Last thing you did that made you feel like an adult? Checked into the doctor's office by myself, haha... Talk about sad. What’s your favorite picture of your mom? Dad? It's not my business to actually share those pictures, but I can describe them. I fucking ADORE this candid photograph I took of my mom laughing; I will forever cherish it. It's morbid to think about, but it's absolutely a picture I'll frame of her once she's passed away. I don't have many pictures of Dad, but I do really like this picture we took together at Red Lobster once. Are you subscribed to anything (Magazines, monthly boxes, streaming sites, etc.)? Mom pays an Adobe Creative Cloud photography bundle subscription for me, but that's it. Last TV show series you finished? Fullmetal Alchemist with Sara. It was a rewatch for me, but she'd never seen it. What’s something exciting that’s happened to one of your friends recently? A childhood friend got engaged a few days back. Do you have any board games? If so, where do you keep them? We have a few somewhere. What were the last things you glued together? I don’t recall. What are your friends’ pets’ names? I'll just use Sara here since she's my best friend. She has two family dogs, Buster and Beesly, a cat named Winter, four ball pythons named Martha, Crowley, Little Dot, and Jane Marie, and Doris, a bearded dragon that I personally adore most. :') What all did you do today? I played World of Warcraft early this morning, but not for very long. I've been in a phase of being very uninterested in it lately. I've mostly just done surveys... lots of surveys. I'm just in the mood to. I've also been listening to music and watching John Wolfe play Amnesia: Rebirth periodically. If you live in a house, how many floors does it have? If you live in an apartment building, how many units does it have? It's just one floor. Would you like to live in a world with mythical creatures, even if they turned out to be evil or dangerous? Honestly... I probably would, haha. Are you scared of heights? Yes. When was the last time you lost something of great sentimental value? Did you ever end up finding it again? Never, I think and hope. What food do you find to be the most filling? Is this something you eat a lot of? Eggs or oatmeal. Not really. What do you think of people who purposefully train their dogs to fight or to be aggressive? They're fucking garbage human beings. If you suffer/have suffered with acne, do you squeeze your spots or do your best to just leave them be? Ugh, I was so bad (and still am if something pops up) about picking at it. Does your father have any hobbies? What are they? Sure. He loves sports, fishing, idk if he still plays video games, fantasy football... and I can't forget playing with his grandkids. It's hard for me to know all of them when I don't live with him and see him rarely. What did the last face mask you wore look like? It was just a white cotton one. Is there a specific song that you always request at parties? What is it? I don't go to parties. Would you rather read poetry or write poetry? Write it. Have you ever had any really infected injuries? I've had infected piercings as well as a badly infected pilonidal cyst. Is there any band out there that you like every song by them? No. Are you popular on any websites? No. What was the last song you listened to? Aaaaand now I'm hooked on "NIHIL" by 3TEETH. Are you currently texting anyone right now? No. When was the last time you played jump rope? Yikes, probably not since I was a kid. I used to love it. Who was the last person you offended? I dunno. What’s the earliest you’ve ever had to wake up for work? Not early. Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? I know trans people who have, yes. Do you know anyone who has been on life support and survived? No. At least, I don't believe so. Do your parents have a strong relationship together? They're divorced, and Mom at least can't stand him. Dad doesn't really care. Do you ever feel like you’re sharing too much about yourself online? Oh, I absolutely used to. I still might, idk. I've tried to reel it back some. How many windows are in the room you’re in? Eight, but they're just small, vertical rectangles stacked together, so it's not as revealing as it sounds. What was the last necklace you wore? My spiked choker, I think, for pictures. Or maybe the one I have with a bunch of big silver skulls. Do you think there are more dimensions than what we’re able to perceive? I don't think so, no. Does anyone in your family have schizophrenia? My half-sister on Dad's side that I've never met. Have you ever been in an abandoned house? A shack, yeah. Do you like art? I positively adore it. I could NOT imagine life without it. How about theatre? I don't care for it. Have you ever made breakfast for someone? Yes, for Sara. Do you talk to your crush? If you have one. Yeah, she's my best fren. If yes, what do you usually talk about? Nowadays I ask her almost daily how she's doing in regards to her progress of recovering from both serious physical and mental stressors. I try to always be an available ear if she ever wants to vent. Would you rather read or watch a video about something? Watch a video. In what ways have you fulfilled some of the hopes and dreams you had as a teenager? I've fulfilled none of those. What’s one stressful thing you’ve been trying to deal with lately? How have you been dealing with it? Inexplicable, chronic boredom/serious anhedonia. I've just... put up with it. I get pleasure out of essentially nothing most days, and it sucks big time. I just try to distract myself and force myself to do things I usually love, though I've been bad about actually succeeding in making me do said stuff... Is there a regional chain of store/restaurant/etc. in your area that you feel very loyal to? MOTHERFUCKIN BOJANGLE'S, BITCH. You think YOU have good fries somewhere? Oh hunny, sit down. Oftentimes, people warn us against getting tattoos or body modifications or dying our hair unnatural colors because we could be judged poorly for them. But has a more “alternative” look ever worked out in your favor? Well, I like myself better with my piercings and tattoos, and that's all that really matters to me. Do you have any daily routine/habit of that you’re really proud of keeping up? No. .-. Pick one of the following activities to do in a forest (assume you would be equally good at each one of these): Foraging for mushrooms, identifying trees, searching for specific types of bugs, trying to build something out of fallen branches and logs. Searching for bugs w/ my camera!!! But that all sounds fun. What’s the hardest class you’ve ever taken? My most recent math course that I failed horribly.

[artificialqueens]

Parisian Nights, Parisian High (Gigi Goode x Nicky Doll) - strangersophia

A/N- Hi! This is a fic that I posted in parts on my account, but thought it would be nice to submit it as one somewhere. It’s based on the song Paris by Sabrina Carpenter!

Summary: When model Gigi Goode’s flight to Paris is delayed, she meets Nicky Doll. And something about that French accent makes her want to know infinitely more.

Read on AO3

“it’s so romantic in Paris

won’t even try to compare it

thought I was sure that I’d find it

but I already have love in L.A”

With her trolley of suitcases trailing behind her, Gigi looked up at the scheduled flights. After being offered a place in a high-end fashion show in Paris, she had booked the first flight she could that week. And that same flight had now been delayed eight hours. Anyone else would go home at this point, wait it out and come back when needed- but Gigi couldn’t bring herself to sit through another bout of LA traffic in an uncomfortably long Uber ride. So as any other workaholic would, she took her bags and set herself up at a nearby table, laptop open and ready to work on her upcoming editorials she needed to submit. 

It wasn’t much longer than an hour before she found herself sharing the table with someone else who needed a workspace- and as it turned out, Gigi now had more things to be nervous about than a delayed flight. While Gigi was never the type to get flustered, she found it near impossible to keep focused when she was sat next to the girl next to her; the platinum blonde hair combined with the sweet smell of rosewater and ivy were difficult to ignore. Not long after she sat down, the blonde turned towards Gigi and spoke in the most melodious French accent she had ever heard.

“Excuse me ma’am, do you have a charger I could borrow? I noticed we have the same laptop and, well, mine is almost dead.”

Gigi stuttered for a moment before processing what she had said, replying,

“Uh- yes. Yes! Of course.” 

“Oh wonderful! Thank you dearly. I would have brought my charger, but I didn’t expect to have an eight hour wait ahead of me.” 

Gigi stopped in her tracks when she heard this. “Oh, your flight is delayed too?”

“Yes, unfortunately. I’m just trying to get home to Paris but it seems it’s going to take longer than I thought.” The girl sighed, plugging in her laptop. 

“Paris?” Gigi enquired. “I’m on the same flight, I believe.”

“Well isn’t that perfect! We have each other to pass the time!” Gigi could have sworn at this point she felt her heart give way at the thought of eight hours with the most beautiful girl she had ever seen.

“My name is Nicky by the way.” The girl said, resting her chin on her hand and smiling at Gigi.

“It’s lovely to meet you Nicky. I’m Gigi.”

After general introductions and shared frustration over delayed flights and rude airport staff, Nicky asked why Gigi was going to Paris. Nonchalantly, Gigi told her- trying her best to hide her insane excitement under a mask of sophistication. 

“No. Way!” Nicky exclaimed upon hearing her story. “You’re in this year’s fall runway? My best friend runs that thing!” Gigi had to stop her jaw from dropping to the ground.

“Seriously? You mean you’re friends with Crystal Elizabeth?”

“Oh yeah. We go way back. I’m sometimes the makeup artist for her shows!” 

At this point, Gigi was pretty damn sure that meeting Nicky must be some sort of fate. While she wasn’t one to usually listen to the universe, she couldn’t exactly ignore the messages right now.

“That’s crazy!” Gigi finally replied after a moment of shock. “So what brought you to L.A.?”

Nicky’s face dropped slightly at the comment, Gigi noticed. 

“Well, I’d been visiting my boyfriend over here for a while. But, things turned sour and we had a fight. I told him I didn’t want to see him again, and I booked the first flight I could back to Paris. I only packed my bags about three hours ago, and - well - now I’m here.”

While Gigi could sense the pain in her voice, she also couldn’t help but notice the pure relief in her words.

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Nicky. You deserve better. And I hope you find that in Paris.”

Of course, in Gigi’s ideal world that meant they would fall in love then and there, and live together forever. However, the mention of an ex-boyfriend stung a little as Gigi crushed any idea she had of Nicky being anything but straight.

“It is what it is. C’est la vie.” Nicky responded, tying her blonde hair into a loose ponytail.

“Well, we now have about five hours til the flight,” Gigi said, “and I’m getting hungry. How would you like to come grab dinner with me?”

“I would love that. A junk food airport dinner is somehow actually exactly what I need right now.” 

Both of the girls opted for burgers and fries, a comforting meal considering their situation. Gigi had learnt over the course of dinner that Nicky was not only beautiful but she was hilarious- Gigi couldn’t help but laugh every time she made an incredibly sarcastic comment, or when she couldn’t pronounce words in English, to her own frustration (which was the cutest thing Gigi had ever seen.) And Nicky felt the same way about Gigi- she thought maybe the reason she kept messing up her words was because it was hard to focus on anything but the face of perfection in front of her. They ended up talking for hours. It turned out they both had a passion for makeup, design, and fashion- and Gigi showed Nicky all the photos of the looks she had been working on in return for a peek at Nicky’s upcoming work with Crystal. When it finally came to the time they had to check in and go to their gate for boarding, Nicky hesitated when they got to the desks.

“Actually… I have to go to the first class check in.” This was returned with raised eyebrows and a smirk from Gigi. Nicky laughed, “I know, I know, fancy rich French bitch, but trust me, this wouldn’t usually be the case. I just had to book the flight so late that they only had first class seats left.” 

“Oh, you poor baby.” Gigi giggled, as Nicky just winked and joined the queue for first class. But not before turning to Gigi and saying softly,

“See you on the other side.”

“why’d it take so long for me to know this?

scared to put the water with the roses

halfway ‘cross the world for me to notice

but I notice, yeah, I notice, yeah”

The ten hour flight from LA to Paris was the hardest Nicky had been on yet. Sure, she was in first class. But she couldn’t stop thinking about Gigi. Which concerned her, considering she had broken up with her boyfriend that morning and had only just met this girl a few hours after. Not to mention the fact that Gigi was, well, a girl. And while Nicky had always known she was pansexual, she had never fallen for a girl before. But something about her… something made Nicky sure that Gigi was something special. And she knew for sure that it wouldn’t be the last time she would be seeing her. Which is why Nicky got out her phone, and opened Instagram. She remembered seeing Gigi’s name all over the photos she had shown her, and thought she would put it in and see what came up. And there, on her screen, was Gigi’s account. After minutes of deliberating, Nicky decided she didn’t care how much of a stalker she might look like, and she tapped follow- hoping she wouldn’t regret it later. 

The long flight was no easier for Gigi. Consumed in the memory of Nicky’s smile, her laugh, her accent- the idea of relaxing was impossible. And Nicky’s last words to her repeated constantly in her mind. 

“See you on the other side.”

So that meant she wanted to see her again. ‘There’s one thing,’ Gigi thought, ‘but what if she doesn’t? What if it was all just a way to pass time for Nicky, and she’s forgotten all about me since getting on the flight?’  Gigi was snapped out of her thoughts as the pilot announced the plane landing, and Gigi made sure to take some photos of the city from above to put on her Instagram later. It suddenly occurred to her that earlier, Nicky had shown Gigi her Instagram page, and she could remember the handle- @nickydoll. Frantically logging into Instagram, she saw a notification pop up:

@nickydoll started following you.

It took everything within Gigi to not throw her phone down the aisle of the plane as she stared at the name on her screen. While she couldn’t remember giving Nicky her Instagram, she concluded that Nicky must have remembered her name and searched for it herself. Which, in all honesty, made Gigi’s heart flutter a little bit. Gigi followed back instantly, and didn’t hesitate to look through almost every one of Nicky’s posts. By the time she finished, it was time to get off the plane and see where Paris would take her. 

As Nicky got off the plane, she deliberated whether she should wait for Gigi or not. Upon doing this she realised she would be crazy not to- but she decided to wait until she would see her at the bag carousel where they would be picking up their luggage. Gigi spent the entire time at border security keeping her eye out in case she saw Nicky around, but gave up after a while in fear of looking way too desperate. But as she got to the bag carousel not too long later, she noticed a familiar patterned coat matched with shoulder length blonde hair and realised it was exactly the girl she had been looking for the whole time. 

“Excusez-moi, belle.” Gigi said, tapping Nicky on the shoulder. As Nicky turned around she found it hard to cover up her excitement, not only from seeing Gigi but also at the fact she called her beautiful. Not that she was reading into it or anything- it was probably just a subconscious comment. But still, two could play at that game.

“Bonjour, ma chérie.” Nicky replied, smirking. It was a good thing Gigi didn’t understand much French, because if she knew that Nicky just called her ‘darling’ then she might have melted right there. But she just smiled, and asked,

“So how was first class then huh? Must’ve been the best flight ever.” Of course Nicky could protest to that last part, but she wasn’t about to admit that- so she simply replied, 

“It was definitely a luxury. You should have seen the food they served me!”

“Oh girl, anything would be luxurious compared to the shit I had to eat.” Gigi laughed, grabbing her suitcases from the carousel. 

“Anyway,” Nicky started, “how are you getting to your hotel?”

“I was just going to call a taxi I guess. I don’t really know my way around or anything yet.”

“Oh, well, I was going to offer if you wanted to get a lift with me. My friend is picking me up, and I already texted her asking if she would be okay giving you a ride. She’s American actually, from New York. I think you’d like her.” 

“Nicky, that’s lovely of you to offer but I wouldn’t want to interrupt anything, it’s-”

“No, Gigi, honestly. I’d love to get you introduced to Paris.”

Gigi’s face softened as she smiled at the girl in front of her.

“Okay. Thank you so much, I owe you big time.”

They walked outside the terminal together, Nicky texting her friend to make sure they were picked up from the right place. As soon as they got to the carpark, Gigi saw a woman about the same age as the both of them - maybe a bit older - waving out the car window yelling,

“Bonjour ladies!”

“Jackie!” Nicky yelled back, running to the car and greeting her friend. “Jackie, this is Gigi. Gigi, Jackie.”

Gigi smiled and waved. “Nice to meet you, Jackie.”

After exchanging conversation and giving addresses, Gigi found out that Jackie was a performer and model who moved to Paris four years ago for an opportunity similar to Gigi’s, and had been living there since- with frequent visits to New York. There was one point where Gigi couldn’t pick up on the two friends’ conversation, as they began speaking in French- but from what she could deduct, they must have been talking about Nicky’s ex-boyfriend. What Gigi didn’t realise was that a good portion of the conversation was regarding her, and Jackie’s sneaking suspicion that Nicky felt some sort of way about Gigi. Jackie argued that there was no way Nicky would have invited just anyone to drive home with her- she knew all too well that Nicky was far too cautious around anyone she didn’t trust. But Nicky attested that there was nothing there, as she was trying to convince herself at the same time. 

Once the three arrived at the hotel Gigi was staying at, Nicky got out of the car to help with her bags. 

“Oh yeah,” Nicky said nervously, “I hope you don’t mind, but I followed your Instagram earlier. I thought it would be nice for you to have someone to contact if you need anything here.”

Gigi blushed, replying, “I did see that- and I don’t mind at all. I followed you back actually.”

“Good, you better have! Cause you have way more followers than me and I want more now.” Nicky laughed. 

“Sorry girl, I can’t help being this beautiful,” Gigi said with an exaggerated hair flip.

“You really can’t, can you?” For a split second moment, neither of them said anything as they made eye contact and let Nicky’s comment sink in.

Gigi broke the silence first- “Anyway, thank Jackie again for the drive ‘cause I seriously appreciate it. And thank you for keeping me company Nicky. Hopefully our paths cross again soon.”

“I agree, ma chérie. Have a wonderful night now, sleep well.” And with a quick blow of a kiss she hopped back in the car, leaving Gigi to go up to her hotel room and stalk Nicky’s instagram until she fell asleep. And sleep well, she did.

“took myself where I think I should be

something told me that it’s waiting here for me

Parisian nights, Parisian high, Parisian breeze”

Over the course of the next four days, Gigi had not only started rehearsals for the show, but she had spent a good amount of time with Nicky. As it turned out, Nicky had discussed the show with her best friend and producer of the show - Crystal - and was hired to help with the design and marketing side of things, which Nicky really just took as an excuse to see more Gigi. So while Gigi spent most of her time at rehearsals with the other models, she often got chances every now and then to spend a moment with Nicky- who usually always had Crystal by her side. But when rehearsals finished for the day, Nicky would always find Gigi before she had a chance to leave, take her by the hand, and drag Gigi to her favourite bakery a block away. There, they would order coffee, eat pastries, and discuss anything and everything. At first, Gigi would go back to her hotel after an hour, so she could do work and get ready for the days ahead of her. But by a few days in, the two were spending hours together every day. And Nicky was sure she had to do something to really solidify their relationship. So she talked to Crystal, and between them they planned a small afterparty for the runway show, hosted by Nicky and involving the two of them plus Gigi, Jackie, and Jaida- one of the other models who Gigi had become good friends with. Crystal and Jackie were entirely on board the idea of getting Nicky together with Gigi that night- and unbeknownst to them, Gigi had been planning the same thing with Jaida. 

When the night of the runway show rolled around, Nicky couldn’t help but be even more in awe of Gigi than usual. That girl sure knew how to work a runway, and look incredible doing it. Nicky even made the point of buying a bouquet of flowers for Gigi, which she gave to her after the show along with a ‘casual’ kiss on the cheek. Gigi was on cloud nine the entire night- not only had she performed in the biggest show of her career, but she was sure that she had won over the prettiest girl she had ever met. Once the five girls all met up at Nicky’s small house, bottles of alcohol were started and finished one after the other, and the whispers of hooking up got louder and louder. About an hour and a half into the party, Gigi took a seat in the corner by herself- but was met hardly a minute later by none other than Jaida.

“You liking your party, girl?” Jaida asked Gigi over the sounds of loud music and singing.

“I’m loving it. I can’t remember the last time I felt this happy.” Despite talking to Jaida, Gigi couldn’t keep her eyes off the blonde girl dancing in the middle of the lounge. Nicky was wearing a tight gold mini dress - which, frankly, had been driving Gigi crazy all night - and she was twirling her hips in time to the song playing. She truly had Gigi hypnotized. 

“Well, I see that your focus is somewhere else right now,” Jaida said sarcastically, following Gigi’s eyeline, “and I don’t blame you.”

This caught Gigi’s attention, and she turned and smiled softly at her friend.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do, Jaida. I like her so much, but I don’t want to scare her off.”

“Oh honey, please, that girl is not scared of you. She’s the complete opposite! I don’t think she could keep away from you if she tried.” 

And at that same moment, Nicky turned and winked at Gigi, strutting towards her with an arm extended.

“Dance with me, mon doudou!”

Gigi laughed and looked at Jaida, who simply smiled and raised her eyebrows. Before she knew it, Gigi was wrapped up in the arms of a somewhat drunk Nicky, who was pulling Gigi closer every second. Once they were tightly face to face, Nicky stopped singing along to look at Gigi and say, in a completely slurred voice,

“Gigi, you’re so preeeeetty. I’ve never seen anyone as pretty as youuu. Je t'adoreeee mon bébé.” 

‘Note to self’, Gigi thought, ‘Nicky flirts in French when she’s drunk.’ 

It wasn’t until then that Gigi noticed a pair of hands caressing her face, and as much as she wanted to keep going in the moment, she knew it was the wrong time while Nicky was this drunk.

“Alright party girl, let’s get you some water shall we? And you wanna leftover croissant?”

Nicky grinned even wider at this, nodding and following Gigi where she led her. They ended up alone in the kitchen, and Gigi managed to get a fair amount of food and water into Nicky as best as she could. 

“Whyyy are you taking care of me?” Nicky asked as she sat on the counter in front of Gigi.

“Because I care about you. And I kinda need you to stay sober tonight.” 

“You’re the best person I’ve ever met, Gigi!”

At this point Gigi knew she couldn’t take anything Nicky said in the next hour seriously, so the rest of the night turned into a pretty long waiting game.

A few hours later, the party side of things had died down and the girls all sat on the couches chatting together. Nicky had luckily almost completely sobered up, although that could probably be thanks to the fact she threw up twice in her bathroom, rather than all the caregiving she got from Gigi. Either way, it was a good thing for both of them. By about 2am, Jackie and Jaida had already left, and Crystal was ready to say her goodbyes. Both the girls hugged her as she left to the door, and Gigi was sure she heard her whisper something in Nicky’s ear along the lines of “you’ve got this, I’m rooting for you.” Honestly, it was no secret to Gigi the plans that the girls had made for them that night. And she sure wasn’t mad about it.

With Crystal gone, both of the girls knew what had to come next- but whether they were entirely confident on what to do with that information, was a different story. The house seemed quiet without the other girls, and with the music playing only softly in the background. Gigi couldn’t remember when the upbeat music turned into a playlist of slow, sultry songs, but she thought it set the mood pretty perfectly. Nicky flopped down on her couch, patting the cushion next to her to get Gigi sitting beside her. 

“Thank you for tonight,” Gigi said, “I’ve had a lot of fun.”

“Of course, I’ve had fun too. I think we all needed a bit of a party after all our hard work.”

Gigi nodded quietly, looking down at her feet. 

“I’m glad I met you. Truly.” Nicky said, hoping to get a reaction from Gigi. And she did- Gigi looked up and smiled at her.

“I feel lucky to have met you, too.”

It was as if they both felt the moment click, and Nicky placed a hand softly under Gigi’s chin, lifting her face towards her own. And almost as if in slow motion, their lips met. 

Only suddenly Nicky pushed Gigi away, moving back in her seat and putting her hands to her face.

“Gigi, I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” Nicky frantically whispered. Gigi stood up, staring at Nicky.

“What do you mean, you can’t do this?” 

Nicky just looked at the other girl blankly, trying to figure out something to say.

“Just… I can’t. Not with you, not right now.”

“Wh-what does that mean?”

“I’m sorry, but please just-”

“What the fuck am I supposed to do, Nicky? What do you want me to say?” Gigi started raising her voice so she was practically yelling. “That I’m fine with the fact you’ve led me on all night, for days even, and now you say you can’t do this?”

“Gigi, please don’t make this a big deal.” Nicky pleaded, but Gigi was already on the verge of tears.

“So this isn’t already a big deal? This doesn’t matter to you, none of this has fucking mattered to you? Nicky, you can’t act like you have no idea how much of my time I’ve dedicated to you, how much I’ve thought about you, and then when I finally think we could be on the same page, you turn on me. Just like that.”

Both of them in tears now, Nicky whispers, 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Well it hurts, Nicky. It fucking hurts.”

And without a second thought, Gigi left through the front door and didn’t look back. 

“if you show me too much love, it makes me leave

guess that’s one of many things that’s wrong with me

looking past you when you’re right in front of me

i won’t do that anymore, i won’t do that anymore”

The next week was hell for both of the girls. Crystal had offered Gigi a spot in her offices as an intern for the rest of the time she was in Paris, which meant she would be working in the same place as Nicky. While the office wasn’t small by any means, it was still easy enough for the two to cross paths- outside Crystal’s office, by the kitchen, through the corridors. Gigi would always walk past quickly, making sure her eyeline never met Nicky’s once. This, of course, just made things worse for Nicky, who already felt like crying every time the girl was close by. It was fair to say she was regretting her actions- and despite feeling like she should be mad at Gigi for yelling at her, she couldn’t find it within herself to be anything more than heartbroken. 

After three days of this, Nicky called Jackie when she got home from work, broken down in tears. 

“Jackie, what the fuck did I do? I ruined it. I ruined it like I always do.”

“Please don’t say that Nicky. Remember what you’ve been through, and remember how brave you are. I know you, and I know that none of this is your fault. So please, for the love of god, don’t beat yourself up over this.”

“But I lost her. How am I meant to forgive myself if the only thing I do is make my own life worse?” 

“Your life doesn’t depend on any boy or any girl, ok baby? Take some time for yourself. I’ll be here if you need to talk, and you’ve got Crystal and all of your other sisters.”

“Thank you Jackie. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Nicky ended up talking to Jackie for six hours that night. She needed a distraction- anything to get her mind off Gigi. Around 1am, Jackie finally convinced her to get some sleep and take the next day off work. And after hanging up, Jackie decided to send a message to Gigi.

1:04am @jackiecox: Hey Gigi, it’s me, Jackie. I’ve just been talking to Nicky. I think it might be time that you two talked to each other and sorted something out, because I don’t know if I can deal with seeing her cry for three hours again because of how she feels about you. I care about both of you, and I can’t see why you should carry on like this.

When Gigi first read the message, her instinct was to reply instantly, telling Jackie that she was sorry and horrified and never wanted to go a day without Nicky ever again. But instead, she took a breath, and typed out what she felt was a more appropriate response.

1:10am @gigigoode: Thanks for reaching out, Jackie. But I don’t think I’m ready to do that just yet. 

1:12am @gigigoode: When Nicky tells me herself that she’s ready, that’s when I’ll be ready. Because I’m not risking it again. 

The next day, Gigi stumbled out of bed a little more carelessly than usual. She knew she would have to see Nicky again, and knew it would be more painful knowing now what had been going on behind the walls she had put up. So she got to work as last-minute as she could without being considered late, going straight to her desk and putting her head down to work. While she wasn’t necessarily keeping an eye out for Nicky or anything, she found it strange that by midday there was still no sign of her. And she found it even stranger when Crystal walked by her desk and asked if she had seen Nicky that day. Somewhat taking advantage of the situation, Gigi decided to work late and didn’t get home until 8pm that night. And yet, still no sign of Nicky. So, she grabbed her phone and took matters into her own hands. 

8:11pm @gigigoode: Nicky, look, I know you’re probably mad at me. Or scared. Or both. But you can’t just stop coming to work, I think you already know I’m over it okay? Can’t we just remain civil?

No reply. At this point, Gigi was pretty sure her suspicions were correct in presuming she was the reason Nicky had been so absent. So after a few hours, she decided to try again. 

11:56pm @gigigoode: Whatever, I get it. But there’s no point in hurting both of us. 

After half an hour with no response, Gigi opened a bottle of gin and settled down for the night. It was the only way to repress the anxiety creeping into her mind; the more she thought about why Nicky could possibly be ignoring her this hard, the more she worried. Just as Gigi was about to give up hope on getting any sign of life, her phone finally lit up.

12:57am @nickydoll: Gigi I’m sorry, I swear I’m not mad at you. 

It took a minute for Gigi to realise she had actually got a response. But it wasn’t enough for her. What she really wanted was an explanation. So she opened the message, and waited.

1:08am @nickydoll:  But yes, I’m scared. I’m scared because when I look at you, I know how I feel, and it scares the shit out of me. And I wish I could go back in time and kiss you again but it feels impossible because I’m not used to letting anyone love me, okay? 

1:10am @nickydoll: You wanna know why it was so easy for me to just up and leave LA like I did? Because my boyfriend was the worst person in the world. He abused me, he manipulated me, he used me, and he lied to me. So when I saw the opportunity, of course I used it to escape. And I guess that’s why I clung to you that day at the airport, because it was the first time in so long I felt like someone saw that I actually existed, and didn’t just see me as a pile of broken parts. I felt something when I talked to you.  And when you kissed me… my heart knew it was right, but my mind told me to shut it out because I’ve been taught not to trust people like that. So I put up my walls. And I’ve shut myself off from you because every time I see your face it reminds me of just how broken I am, and how badly I wish I could fix myself. Or find someone to fix me. But I know I can’t put that responsibility on you. So I’m sorry if you’re hurting, Gigi, but just know it hurts me more.

1:16am @nickydoll: Still, I know I can’t change what I did to you. But if you want me, I’m here. 

1:20am @nickydoll: I’ll always be here.

By the time Gigi finished reading the messages, she was already halfway out the door, her vision blurred by tears. She should’ve known she was being selfish. Nicky deserved so much more. And Gigi wanted nothing more than to be the one who could give her the world. So if it meant turning up on her doorstep at 1:30 in the morning, she was willing to do it. By the time her Uber arrived at Nicky’s house, it was nearing 2am. After pacing for a minute outside the door, she built up the confidence to do what she needed to do and knocked five times. No answer. She tried knocking again. And again. 

“Nicky, what the fuck.” Gigi muttered under her breath. Surely there was no way Nicky had gone out at this time of night- so Gigi assumed she was inside and ignoring her on purpose. Getting out her phone, she dialed Nicky’s number and waited for an answer. And to her surprise, she heard a voice pick up the call. 

“Gigi?” It was Nicky. But not by herself- there was music in the background… and voices. 

“Nicky? Where the fuck are you? I’m literally at your house right now.” 

“Merde. I’m sorry. Be there in five.” And with that, she hung up. 

At this point, Gigi didn’t know what to do. Or what to think. Or where the hell Nicky had been. So she sat down on the doorstep and waited for her to arrive. And surely enough, in five minutes, she did. And when they came face to face, neither of them could bear to say a word. 

“if I asked that girl to jump, i know she would

she don’t even have to say, it’s understood

she treat me nice, she treat me right, she treat me good

still I get so hesitant, still I get so hesitant”

As Gigi stood in front of Nicky on the steps of her front door, neither of them had a clue what to do. But as soon a single tear rolled down Nicky’s face, all doubt slipped Gigi’s mind and she stepped forward and hugged her as tight as she could. Nicky melted into the embrace. And soon enough, both of them were crying quietly in the glow of the streetlights, holding on to each other as if that was all they needed to survive. Because in that moment, it felt true. 

When the moment felt right, Gigi pulled away to look Nicky in the face. She had a full face of makeup, now ruined with mascara running down her face and lipstick smudged. 

“Hey, let’s get you inside and get you cleaned up, yeah?” Gigi said almost in a whisper, met with a small nod from Nicky as she opened the door and led them both inside. Once they were in the house, Gigi got a chance to look at Nicky properly. She had tall heels on which made her almost a head taller than Gigi, and she was wearing a mini skirt which left her with bare legs that were barely covered by the large coat she had wrapped around her. 

“Why did you come here?” Nicky asked nervously as soon as they got in the door.

“Why did I come here? Because I was worried about you, Nicky. You weren’t answering my messages and I felt horrible. And then when you sent me that message, well, no amount of things I could have texted you would have conveyed how I felt. I needed to come here, and explain how sorry I am for being such a bitch to you.”

“Gigi, I never thought that about you. Just so you know.”

“Even still, you deserved better, okay?” After a moment of silence, Gigi knew she had to ask what she had been wondering since Nicky turned up.

“So, are you gonna tell me where the hell you’ve been? Because I’m still gonna be worried until I know what you’ve been up to.” 

“Gigi, I don’t think you wanna-”

“Please. You can trust me, okay?”

“Can I go get changed first? You can sit down on the couch if you want. I just want to be comfortable, if that’s okay.” Nicky looked at Gigi pleadingly. 

“Of course, baby. Take your time. I’ll make us some tea.”

Ten minutes later, Nicky came back in pyjama shorts and a hoodie to see Gigi sitting on the couch with her legs curled up, holding two cups of chamomile tea. When she sat down, she was met with an expectant look from Gigi.

“So? You wanna explain?”

“I was at a club.” Nicky said quickly, looking down and playing with her hands.

“That’s all?” 

Nicky kept looking down. “Well… it was… a gentlemen’s club, you know.” She looked up at Gigi who was obviously trying to appear as unbothered as possible- but she could sense the shock.

“Before you say anything, I’m never going back there again. It was a bad idea for me to go back there tonight anyway.”

“What do you mean, go back there?”

Nicky sighed before explaining everything. “Before I moved to LA, my work wasn’t doing too well here in Paris. I needed another way to make money, so the only thing I had left to turn to was working for an escort company. It was while I was doing that when I met my ex-boyfriend, who was visiting Paris from LA and would hire me all the time. We got to know each other, and after a month he convinced me to move to LA with him. Looking back, I was completely manipulated, but I didn’t notice until it was too late. Anyway, I swore I would never go back to that industry. But the past couple days have been so hard, that I just needed any way I could find that would take my mind off of things, you know? So I went back. But now I just feel worse about everything, and I feel so, so, stupid.” Gigi grabbed both of Nicky’s hands and looked into her eyes.

“Nicky, you are not stupid. You were going through a hard time and you made a bad choice. It’s okay. These things happen. But I’m not going to judge you for it and you shouldn’t beat yourself up for it either.”

“I don’t deserve you, Gigi. You’re too good for me.”

“Doll, please, don’t say that. You are the sweetest, bravest, most talented person I have ever met. And I’m not just saying that. From now on, I want you to trust me and know that everything I do is because I care for you. You are extraordinary. And you always will be extraordinary in my eyes, no matter what.” 

Almost instantly after she finished her sentence, Nicky grabbed both sides of Gigi’s face and kissed her with all the intensity she could. At first Gigi was completely stunned, but after a few seconds she relaxed and let her hands find her away around Nicky’s waist. Nicky had no idea how she had gained such a surge of confidence, but she did know that she had never been more sure of anything in her life. She wasn’t scared anymore, because she had Gigi. And in that moment, that was all she needed. 

Once they both broke away from the kiss, Gigi was smiling harder than Nicky had ever seen- and Nicky reciprocated her reaction. 

“I’m glad you finally came around,” Gigi said, “because I’ve been dreaming of that moment for a while now.”

“Oh believe me, I have been too. But I only now stopped my mind from getting in the way.”

“Well, I’m glad you did. Cause I could get used to this.” Gigi laughed, and Nicky leaned in for one more peck on the lips. This turned into another passionate kiss, but after a while they both pulled away in fear of taking it too far, too fast. 

“As much as I’d like to continue,” Gigi said while stroking Nicky’s hand with hers, “you have had a long day and we both need a rest.” Nicky pouted, but knew Gigi was right. 

“Should I call an Uber?” Gigi asked. “I don’t wanna be in your way if you want some time alone.”

“Are you kidding me? You are staying here as long as I can keep you.” Nicky replied, earning a smile from Gigi. “And correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think either of us are gonna be up for going into the office tomorrow morning.”

“Oh, yeah, I am definitely going to need a sleep in tomorrow. I’ll call Crystal in the morning.”

“Alright then. Do you wanna borrow any pyjamas?” 

Gigi looked down at herself and remembered the fact that she was in such a hurry to leave earlier she had actually just thrown a hoodie over her pyjamas and left.

“I’m good actually, I can sleep in what I’ve got on. But thank you.”

“Ok, let me know if you need anything though. And I don’t know where you want to sleep, but…”

“I’m fine to sleep wherever, honestly. I can sleep right here right now if that’s easiest.”

Of course, Nicky would ideally have Gigi sleeping in her bed already. But, she didn’t want to rush anything. So she offered her the guest bedroom that she kept ready for any friends she had sleep over. 

Once both of the girls had gotten ready to sleep, Nicky went to Gigi’s room to make sure everything was set up properly for her. And, really, she wanted to make sure she had a chance to truly thank Gigi for everything.

“Hey Gigi, everything okay here?”

“Oh, it’s perfect. Thank you so much for letting me stay over.”

“Of course. And actually, I wanted to come and say thank you. If you didn’t come over tonight I don’t know what might have happened to me.”

Gigi got up from her bed and pulled Nicky into a soft hug, whispering, “I’m glad I did come over. I couldn’t bear to think of you hurting.” 

Nicky smiled gently and, walking to the door, said, “Well, I’m glad you’re here. Goodnight, ma chérie.”

“Nicky, wait-” Gigi said before the door could shut, “what does that mean? Ma chérie? I’ve heard you call me it but I’ve never known what you’re saying.”

“It means, my darling.” 

And with that, Gigi was left feeling more in love with Nicky than ever. 

“je ne voulais pas trouver l'amour

mais paris a quelque chose

qui donne envie d'aimer, d'aimer passionément”

That morning, Gigi woke up slowly to the sound of Nicky crashing around in the kitchen making either breakfast or lunch, depending how long Gigi had slept in. As she listened closer, she could hear her singing some song in French. Gigi had no idea that Nicky had such a beautiful voice- she closed her eyes for a minute to take in the happiness she felt in being woken up by the sound of the prettiest girl in the world- the girl that had kissed her not once but twice in the past 24 hours. As she turned over to check the time, she noticed her phone screen lighting up beside her.

9:35am @jaidaehall: UMMMM YOU + NICKY = BOTH NOT AT WORK???

9:37am @jaidaehall: You better not be all sulky and depressed now too, or else I’m gonna come over there and make you snap out of it. 

9:45am @jaidaehall: Like for real, the reason you’re not replying better be because you and Nicky are making out and not because you’re staying at home all petty I sweaaaar

Reading the messages from Jaida made Gigi giggle to herself, and she knew Jaida would die if she told her what happened with Nicky. So she decided to make her wait a little longer, just for fun.

10:12am @gigigoode: hahahaha i’m literally at nicky’s house right now. will explain tonight ;)

10:13am @jaidaehall: BITCH OMG

10:13am @jaidaehall: Just so u know, make up sex is the best sex okay?

10:15am @gigigoode: lol, shut UPPP

And with that, Gigi got out of bed slowly and made her way to the kitchen where Nicky was standing in front of the stove, occupied by her phone. Before she even noticed Gigi in the room, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist from behind.

“Good mooorning.”

“Oh bonjour, princess.” Nicky said, turning around with a wink. Gigi loved how she was already calling her pet names- it felt like they were dating already. 

“Did you sleep okay? After everything?” Gigi asked, with her arms still draped around Nicky’s waist.

“It took me a while to get to sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about everything, but I didn’t sleep too badly.” Of course, by ‘everything,’ Nicky meant that she could not stop thinking about Gigi’s lips on hers last night- and Gigi’s night had been pretty much the same.

“Yeah, same here. So, what did you want to do today then?”

The two girls spent the day at Nicky’s house curled up on the couch together, watching a marathon of movies- both in French and English. Nicky loved explaining all her favorite French movies to Gigi, and seeing her gradually fall in love with them the same as her. When the end of the day came, both of them decided it would be best for Gigi to go back to her own hotel room for the night, since they had to go to work the next day and Gigi still had things she had to prepare. So after a dozen goodbye kisses, Gigi made her way back to the hotel, still basking in the fact that traces of Nicky’s perfume were left on all of her clothes.

At work, it was impossible to keep the two apart. In fact, Crystal noticed and gave them projects to work on together, discovering that they actually made an extremely efficient and talented team. The next week for Gigi was spent back and forth from her hotel to Nicky’s house, alternating where she would stay for the night. It was on the third night staying at Nicky’s house that she first slept in the same bed as her. That particular night was filled with torrential rain, and a thunderstorm that began around 1am. Gigi had always hated thunder, so upon hearing it she decided to go into the kitchen and get something to drink, to try to take her mind off of the noise. This woke Nicky up, who tiptoed into the kitchen to see if Gigi was okay. 

“What’s wrong, mon coeur?” She whispered upon noticing Gigi huddled up with a glass of orange juice. 

“Sorry baby. I just got woken up by the thunder and couldn’t sleep.”

Taking her hand, Nicky said, “That’s okay, you do what you need to do. I mean, if you want, you could come join me in my room. You know, so I can keep you safe.”

Gigi smiled warmly. “I think I would love that.”

“Ok, well, I’m going to go back to bed and you join me when you’re ready, yeah?”

Gigi nodded, and Nicky gave her a kiss on the forehead before going back into her room. 

After finishing her drink, Gigi slowly opened the door to Nicky’s bedroom- admittedly, very nervous. 

“Come here, ma belle.” Nicky said sleepily and patted the other side of the bed. Gigi had never slept in a bed with silk sheets before, so getting into Nicky’s bed felt like a luxury. Not to mention the fact that she was sleeping next to Nicky. Both of them faced each other as they lay down, and Nicky started to stroke her fingers through Gigi’s hair and down the side of her face.

“Gigi, you’re perfect. You know that right?”

“I could say the same about you, doll.” Gigi flinched as a particularly loud bout of thunder struck. Nicky put a hand on her side and pulling her closer, whispering,

“Hey, I’m here. You’re okay.”

“Thank you, I’m okay. I just jumped, that’s all.” Nicky nodded, starting to trail her fingers softly up and down Gigi’s arm, giving her goosebumps.

“Try and get to sleep, baby.” And with that, Gigi felt safer than she ever had before- and she fell asleep in no time to the rhythm of Nicky’s breaths. 

Since that night, Gigi fell asleep in Nicky’s arms every time she stayed over. 

And she loved it.

In the last week of Gigi’s four week stay, she ditched the hotel room all together and stayed with Nicky every night. They had game nights with the other girls, they had movie nights, and they had quiet nights where the two of them would sit on the balcony talking for hours, drinking red wine under the stars. Life felt perfect. However, both of the girls knew that Gigi’s time in Paris had to end at some point, and Nicky still had been too scared to bring it up. Until one night when they were arriving home from work, when Nicky forced herself to ask Gigi about her flight home.

“So, I’ve been wondering, what day is your flight again? Is it next week?”

“It was meant to be this coming Monday, yeah.” 

“Meant to be?” Nicky replied curiously. 

“And that brings me to what I was going to tell you tonight.” Gigi said, dragging Nicky’s hand to sit them both down on the couch, 

“Nicky, I’ve been given a job offer. Or at least, an interview for one. Crystal recommended me to a big designer who wants me to not only be a model, but also help with the design of their new line for the year coming up. If I get the job, I guess I’ll have to move here. Permanently.”

“Holy shit, ma chérie this is amazing!” Nicky yelled, grabbing Gigi into a huge hug.

“I mean, don’t get your hopes up too much baby. I still don’t know if I’m gonna get accepted.”

“Still, even so, I’m so proud of you. You’ve been in Paris for a month, you’ve only just turned 22, and you’re already making a name for yourself. You amaze me, Gigi.”

“Thank you, Nicky. Honestly, I couldn’t have done it without you. You’ve been my rock through all of this.” Nicky smiled, and Gigi kissed her quickly. 

“Now, I don’t know about you…” Nicky started, as she swung her leg over Gigi to straddle her, “but I think we should be celebrating this win.” 

Gigi looked up at the girl on top of her, smirking. “Oh, you think so?” 

Nicky could barely fit in an “mhmm” before Gigi pulled her down by the waist, kissing her passionately. In less than a minute they had gained a rhythm, Nicky grinding on top of Gigi and running her hands through her hair. Gigi grabbed the back of Nicky’s tight shorts, causing her to moan into the kiss. To get her back, Nicky pinned Gigi’s wrists down on either side of her, and began trailing kisses starting from the top of her neck all the way down to her collarbones. And 

pulling the neckline of her shirt down just a little, she left a dark hickey at the top of her chest. Once they got back to kissing, Gigi’s hands found their way under Nicky’s shirt and she traced circles all over her stomach. Nicky began to pull her shirt over her head, but Gigi took her hand for a second.

“Nicky, babe, you sure you wanna do this? I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.” 

“I’m more than sure, mon bonheur.” And as she spoke, she threw her shirt on the ground leaving her in a light red lace bra. Gigi took a moment to take the sight in, in disbelief of how she got so lucky as to end up with someone so perfect in every way. And without hesitation, she ripped her own shirt off and threw it down next to Nicky’s. 

“Wanna take this somewhere we have more room?” Gigi said breathlessly, met with a nod from Nicky who was already dragging her by the wrists to the bedroom. Before she knew it, Gigi was already pinned down to the bed without her clothes on, enjoying every moment of what the blonde girl on top of her was doing. Most of the time was spent that way- save the moments where Gigi found her head between Nicky’s legs, finding out that Nicky did not keep quiet when she was satisfied (which Gigi loved, and did her best to evoke). 

It was fair to say that the two enjoyed each other’s company, in every aspect of their lives. When people talk about humans being made out of stardust, there was no doubt they would have been made from the same star. It was the only explanation as to how they fit each other so perfectly, and neither of them could imagine it being any other way. 

“mon coeur est à toi pour toujours

you will always have my heart.”

When the day of Gigi’s job interview finally rolled around, it was almost impossible for her to get out of bed. Of course, she was incredibly excited for the opportunity she had been given- but at the same time, she couldn’t quite escape the chronic overthinking part of her brain. So as she lay in bed sleepless for an hour before her alarm went off, she went through every possible thing that could go wrong in her day. That was, at least, until Nicky woke up. It was hard to stay reluctant when you are greeted in the morning by your girlfriend on top of you showering your entire face in tiny kisses, telling you how amazing you are. Oh yeah, girlfriend. Gigi still couldn’t believe she could use that word. It was all because of one night the previous week, where Nicky had fallen asleep on the couch during one of their movie nights. When it got late, Gigi decided to scoop the sleeping girl up the best she could and carry her to the bedroom. Nicky woke up halfway through the process, but kept her eyes shut until she reached the bed. And when Gigi lay down beside her, Nicky - who was still half asleep - mumbled quietly,

“Thank you Gigi. You’re the best girlfriend ever.” And just like that, she was back to being fast asleep. 

The morning after, Nicky remembered what she had said in her sleepy trance. As soon as Gigi woke up, Nicky instantly asked,

“Did I say anything to you last night? I don’t remember what was a dream and what actually happened.” Gigi laughed, and started intertwining her fingers with Nicky’s.

“Well, you did say something about me being the best girlfriend ever… or something along those lines.”

Shocked, Nicky stammered, “Shit- Gigi, I’m sorry, I know we haven’t discussed that yet and I didn’t mean to-“

“Hey,” Gigi cut her off, “If you feel like you’re ready, it would be an honour to be your girlfriend, Nicky.” Nicky’s eyes brightened, and she squeezed Gigi’s hand tightly.

“It would be a dream come true.” 

So since that day, they considered themselves an official couple- and every one of their friends never heard the end of it. 

That day, however, Gigi felt more lucky than ever to have a supportive girlfriend like Nicky. She was the one who motivated her to get her work done, get the interview booked, get out of bed, get ready, and finally get her ass interviewed. And she was also the one who was there to celebrate when Gigi came home grinning, gushing about how amazing the interview went.

“She said she was impressed by my work. Violet Chachki liked MY work! And not only that, but she said she wanted to work with me from the moment she saw my portfolio.” Gigi could almost cry, she was so happy. Not only about the job- but about the heightened possibility that she could be spending the rest of her life in Paris with Nicky. And surely enough, she received a call only two days later offering her a position. Nicky hosted a wonderful party for Gigi with all of their best friends, a lot of dancing, and a lot of alcohol. It almost made them forget about the fact Gigi was still due to fly back to LA in a few days time. She would only be gone two and a half weeks - just enough to get everything organised back home for her move to Paris - but Nicky knew it was going to feel like a lifetime. When the day came that they had to say goodbye at the airport, it was a mess- mascara stained coats and puffy eyes boarding the flight, knowing they would see each other soon again but still torn at the idea of missing each other’s touch. They video called every day, getting used to the change in time zones that meant Gigi would wake up when Nicky was having dinner, resulting in many pretend dinner dates while Gigi ate her breakfast. Gigi enjoyed spending as much time as she could with her mother before leaving LA for good, while Nicky spent her time catching up on everything she had missed with Crystal. But the eighteen days they spent apart from each other only made them realise how much of an impact the other had made in their life. Nights felt a little bit colder, and days felt a little bit longer. It was hard to put a finger on exactly what felt different– rather it just felt like a small piece of their life had gone missing. What both of them did know, however, was the love they felt for each other. Every video call they kept the three words on their lips, neither of them letting it out in fear of rushing the other. So their love went unspoken yet strongly felt; in every exchange they had where they would lock eyes and feel it rise in their throats, or every time they would hear the other’s voice and at the same time hear their heartbeat pound a little louder. When the day came that they reunited in Paris’ airport, it was as if their wiring reconnected from the first embrace, lighting up their lives once again. 

But even when they got back home and Gigi unpacked her belongings - for good, this time - Nicky still found it impossible to spit out the words she so desperately fixated on. The same went for Gigi, who had planned for the moment the entire flight home but lost all conviction when she set foot in the airport. That night, however, Nicky knew she had to do something about it before they fell asleep. Which was a decision she made as she watched her girlfriend get ready for bed, as they usually did. 

“I missed this.” Nicky said, sitting next to the sink waiting for Gigi to finish brushing her teeth. Gigi spat out her toothpaste and turned to Nicky, confused.

“You missed me brushing my teeth? Out of all things?”

“I mean, it was the small things I missed. You know? Like this, getting to watch you get ready for bed and do your adorable nighttime routine. Or going to bed and having someone to warm my cold feet. Or getting out of bed in the morning and hearing music coming from the kitchen. And I missed having someone to correct me when I used English wrong, I missed having someone to sing with me in the car in the mornings, and I missed having coffee with my girlfriend after work.”

Gigi was tearing up at this point. It felt so crazy that anyone could feel that way about her. And she knew what Nicky meant– those were all the things she had missed too. Nicky stepped towards her, and pulled her into a deep hug.

“I love you, Gigi.” 

Gigi melted into her arms. “I love you too, Nicky.” Pulling away, Gigi softly put her hands around Nicky’s face, and kissed her with more desire than she had ever felt. And at that very point in time, it felt like the entirety of Paris was their own. The city of love shined just for them, in all of its heartache and glory. From their Parisian high, they never wanted to come down. 

[calypsoff]

Three

Looking up at Mel, she just stared at me “just tell me the news please” I am sick of waiting “bitch nothing has come up, calm down. Just waiting on it to come up but what is the plan if you are? Like on a real, what is the choice?” I am a mess, I have done nothing but cry while peeing on the stick, I feel like I will lose a lot, I am just not ready for a baby, not from him or not right now “abortion, that is the choice. I can’t do it, look. I can’t do it, I got someone I’ve always wanted back” my voice broke “yes I am being emotional about this, yes I am just jumping but Mel. I did fall for him, I really did. He is everything I wanted but I want to get to know him again but if I am pregnant I don’t think he will want to know me like that, yes we are friends but I can see my future when I look in his eyes, I fell for him and I want that” Mel’ eyes widened “chile, you are going to chase?” nodding my head “but I need this over with, I need this gone because honestly it’s on my mind. I will be truthful with him if I do get an abortion but mentally I don’t care for it, I can’t have it. My mom will hate me if she found out” Mel seems to be in shock with me, but I am being truthful “I didn’t know you loved him like that though, not going to lie” sighing out “I kept it away, like I cried so much when I arrived back. I had no phone; I couldn’t afford one. I cried and didn’t eat, and then on top of that my gran. I told my gran that I found a boy I like, she laughed and said if he treats you right you fight for him, I am and will. I will get what I want, and I will throw Rakim to the curb, I am done with that, I want to be happy. I am thinking of me now” Mel grinned moving back into the bathroom “this Chris guy has really got you on this war path, I am finding this shocking but yet not shocking, I can’t get over how passionate you are about him, I really can’t wait to meet him actually” I really do not care for anyone liking him, I like him and I want him.

Rubbing my hands together “tell me!” I shouted “well, my sister” Mel came back out of the bathroom “I can honestly say god loves you because these bitches are negative as fuck” I jumped off of the bed and attacked Mel with a hug “yes! Oh my god! I was so scared” Mel wrapped her arms around me laughing “I am so happy for you and if you say this man is it then do it, you need to get rid of Rakim first ok” I breathed out, this stress has now gone. I can now concentrate on my future on what I want, I really just want to see Chris again and really get to see what he is feeling and what he actually wants to do but I need to not jump like I did because I really got mad with him “I love you” kissing Mel’ cheek “love you too, and please do not have sex with Rakim. Get rid of him, honestly. Don’t play no games with him and then have this Chris guy on the side. Just stop that and move on, I see the difference with you both, you are hating him because you have got Chris back. I just don’t want you to play with fire” nodding my head walking towards my bed “I just need to start my period, chile. If Chris is coming here you never know I could, you know. Get some dick?” sitting on the bed “dick!? Bitch what kind of friends are you” I grinned “mhmm well he does mention about my pussy but he is joking with me, but yeah. What it is with Chris and I, I fell for him. I really did, we made out and we were always touchy with each other and we were happy, he said he would have asked me out, but I went. We were practically dating” I giggled “but I just, I am just happy about this. But he did say he was going to come; I hope he does” I clapped my hands together.

Walking behind Rakim as we left the hotel with the entourage to go the after party, I feel better to not be pregnant. I am more light hearted now because if you would have asked me earlier I was ready to break down and cry, smiling at the paparazzi as they took pictures “hi mami, how was the concert” one of them shouted, Rich moved them out the way as I got into the SUV “I will probably leave early” shuffling across the seats so Mel can sit with me “cool, I am departing from you. Going to Barcelona” I am glad Rakim is “aww that makes me so sad” turning in my seat to look behind me at him “you could have said that in much more sincere voice” I giggled “well I do mean it, when are you back anyways? Hopefully not soon” Rakim does have a nice smile, that is the one thing I like about him “you are hard work, I swear you are. Erm, I am in Europe for a while now. But you may be in Barbados by then” that is good, I can be free with Chris “but then I want to make it back for your New York date, so I am coming early” letting out an oh “what is so special about that date?” I don’t get it “you are being so modest, you selling out Barclays, I know Jay going to be there. A lot of people going to be there to support you so I will be back for it” he is being kind, but I don’t want it “so that is two days? You going there for two days? Delay it and go after my concert then?” makes no sense at all “see what happens, I got you” I wish he didn’t.

Rakim loves bringing his mob, like they are a menace, they are forever starting some shit too with people in the club. At times people just hit into you by mistake, they take is as offense “Rih” Drake hugged me “good seeing you again” I said hugging him back “been a while ASAP, I am out” he dapped Rakim as he left our VIP area, bopping my head as Rakim’ song came on in the club “ I'm going wild for the night, fuck being polite” I spat as the beat dropped “it’s the weekend and I’m creeping with my niggas” Rakim put his arm around me, I do love this song but I deep down know what the blogs going to be saying which has been every night, like we are the in love couple but it’s not love, really not that. Feeling a kiss to my cheek as he moved back, Mel smiled at me. Holding my hand out and she got her hand open to me, I took her hand and stepped down “I am done!” I spat sitting down next to her, she put her arm around me “what happened to leaving this nigga!?” she said in my ear, I shrugged “soon” I said but not sure if Mel heard that.

I didn’t even know Chris text me, I was really enjoying myself in the club this time around. I don’t have that weight of I could be pregnant anymore, looking up to check if Rakim is coming and he is still outside, unlocking my phone.

Twin:

It’s all good! I can come for the weekend

Robyn:

Aaaahhhhhh!! Oh my god, I am so happy. Thank you christoff! I cannot wait to see you xxx

I had to text him back so fast when I read that, he is coming to New York. I know he has been saying he might come but he is, and now I am thinking what the fuck do I do with him, he is so hard headed. It’s crazy because I feel like I know him inside out already, I know he is hard headed, I know he will not take money or freebies from me which it won’t be at all. I think maybe I should get Mel to book an apartment because he will not stay in a hotel I book for him, if I get an apartment that way he can stay, separate rooms or whatever but it will be easier that way instead of battling him on this, I really want to give him but he won’t take it. Now I really don’t know what to do, going missing for two whole days, I need a good story for this. My phone pinged in my lap, picking up my phone from my lap and unlocking it.

Twin:

If only you knew what I had to actually do to do this! You better appreciate 🙄🙄🙄

Robyn:

I can imagine! I know this is your job and stuff but I really do appreciate it. Just to catch up and stuff, what time will you arrive? Xx

Twin:

Uhm

About 6pm? I will be in New York by then yeah

Robyn:

Please do not be hard headed with this BUT I need you to come to Barclays and Mel my friend will meet you and also why are you awake? It’s late xx

Twin:

😥 😓

Robyn:

What do you want me to do? Wait for you with a sign in my hand at JFK? 🤨🤨

Twin:

Greyhound ✌️

Robyn:

You love to be this way! OMG! You was never like this………………. Soo are you going to do it?

Twin:

🩸🩸🩸🩸 YET?

Robyn:

What!?

Twin:

Period?

I breathed out trying to not laugh but he is infuriating me and I want to get mad with him but I am laughing “sorry about that” Rakim got into the SUV “uh it’s ok” trying to now smile too much “you happy as hell, let’s go!” he shouted at the driver “yeah, just Mel being dumb on text. She left early didn’t she” I lied, looking back down at my phone.

Robyn:

Why on earth do you care about my period!?

Twin:

Cause you moody af!

Robyn:

I am happy actually 😾😾😾

Twin:

Das how your pussy look! I was being a caring friend ugly! My break is over so bye!

I swear to god, he is actually annoying at times. I cannot comprehend why this boy is going on greyhound to come New York when he can catch a flight here and why does he care about my period, I mean maybe he is just being caring but he honestly makes me smile but he is coming here, I am so happy that he is. My period is a little fucked up though, still hasn’t arrived. Something is off with it, whatever it is I am not having sex unless it’s with Chris but I don’t think we will, it’s going to be a good long catch up for us and I can’t wait for it.

[red-pill-blue-pill]

Road trip. John Wick. Chapter One.

A/N: It’s been so long I’ve almost forgotten how this website works. Okay, this has been sitting in my drafts for like three months and I’ve only written this part ‘cause I’m terrible at keeping up with stuff BUT I’m going to try to get this done. There won’t be a specific “update day” cause my life’s a mess and when I’m not working I’m doing uni stuff but I’ll try to get some time to write the next chapters (and the requests I have left oh my god I’m so sorry). The next update may come next week or in a couple of months, only God knows. However, I hope you enjoy 💖. This is kind of a shitty chapter too, I don’t know what else to say, don’t expect much from me ‘cause I don’t wanna disappoint you guys. 

Summary: Road trip around Italy yay!

Word Count: 2,007

Warnings: None.

“Look at this.” you said with your eyes glued to the laptop screen. The web of AirItalia was on display before you. You pointed at one the cheaper flights while John stood behind you, leaning over your shoulder to get a better look at the screen. 

“Mhm, that’s a good one but, baby, you know money isn’t a problem.” He kissed the top of your head and you leaned into the back of the chair, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“I know but you always pay. Makes me feel like I’m taking advantage of you.” You turned your head to look at him pouting your lips and making him laugh lightly. “But you’re not doing it. Just pick the one you like the most. I know you want this to be perfect.” You sighed resuming your task. You knew it was impossible for you to win his fight, it was like talking to a concrete wall when it came to money stuff.

You had been meaning to go on vacation together for a couple of months but every time the plane tickets were booked something came up; family emergencies or last minute work calls, forcing you to postpone your little vacay yet another time. However, this time you took care of everything. You made sure to convince your boss to free your schedule for a month, those years of hard work finally paying off. John called Winston to let him know he was going to take a month off, asking him to let administration know so no contracts were sent his way during that time. It was going to be perfect. You were planning to drive all over Italy, visiting all the important cities and discovering all those little romantic villages you saw in films. The thought of John speaking italian made you squirm on your seat.

He barely kept up with the plans you made, you were the one in control this time. You wanted to take him to cute intimate restaurants, wear summer dresses that you knew would drive him crazy, kiss him under the string lights hung on the streets, get wine drunk and tease him under the table. You also wanted to share with him one of the things you loved the most: art. Going to one of the most artistic countries was like a dream came true for you and, considering the fact that he loved seeing you enjoy things, he was going to be the happiest man ever.

The trip started in Milan, you would go east to Venice, then down to Bologna, Florence, Pisa, Siena, Rome, Napoli, Capri and finishing in Sardegna. It was going to be the perfect vacation. You had made a list with places to visit and restaurants with good reviews that you wouldn’t let him see, saying everything had to be a surprise. Actually, he only got to choose the hotel and the rental car.

Weeks passed by and excitement creeped its way through your body, infecting John each day that passed. The only thought on his mind was the fact that he got to spend the whole month exploring a new country - yes, he had been in Italy before but only for business so it didn’t really count - with the girl he was in love with. For someone like him, who had lacked the presence of an emotional connection with someone and the freedom of doing what he wanted his whole life, this was a big deal. This came to show that even John Wick could have at least a glimpse of what everyone had: a normal life.

 “C'mon! We’re gonna be late!” you said from downstairs, your creaking voice eliciting a loud laugh that came from their bedroom. You cleared her throat while suppressing a giggle yourself “You won’t be laughing so hard after I come up there and beat your ass, Mr. Wick!”

 He laughed even harder while he walked down the stairs with a couple of suitcases. “I’m coming, I’m coming.” His hair, still wet and in need of a light comb, fell on his face as he put their luggage on the floor. 

“Well now I know why it took you so long. Who gave you the right to be this handsome?” You put one arm over his shoulder while you reached with your other hand to pull away some of the strands that were still over his face. His arms snuck around your waist as he pressed you flush against his chest. 

“I don’t know I guess they put too much "handsome” in the mix when they made me.“ He smiled cheekily while leaning down to kiss your lips sweetly. 

Your heart fluttered, it always did. His soft lips and the light scratch of his beard on her face made you fall in love more and more each time you kissed. You turned the sweet kiss into a more passionate one, lightly biting his lower lip and tangling your hands in his hair. You got a low grunt as an answer. He knew where you were going and if he obliged you would totally miss the plane. He tried to push you away but you held onto his shoulders 

"Just a quickie.” you mumbled against his lips as you grabbed the hem of his shirt and started lifting it. 

“Baby, we’re going to miss the plane, remember?” He pulled away and looked at your pouting face, chuckling to himself. “Let’s go.” He said as he opened the door and held it for you. 

You reluctantly grabbed your suitcase and walked out towards the taxi that was waiting for you.

The ride to the airport was quiet. John knew you were mad. Well, not mad, irritated. You had your arms crossed and was looking out the window, not even bothering to look at him when he put his hand on your thigh. He chuckled earning a quizzical look from you 

“What are you laughing about?” You said. Your tone was stern but he knew it was getting hard to keep yourself mad at him. 

“I know why you’re mad at me.” His hand started trailing up your leg. You squirmed under his touch. You hated to admit it but the effect he had on you was pretty obvious. You struggled to keep your face straight and your voice steady.

“Then tell me why.” You teased. He leaned closer to you, making sure the driver couldn’t hear what he was about to say 

“Trust me when I say there wasn’t anything I wanted to do more than to fuck you against the front door, but then we would’ve missed the plane and that would have made me so, so sad because, you see, I’m really, really looking forward to fuck you all around Italy.” You sucked in a sharp breath, your thighs tensed at the words that left his mouth which was now curled in a mischievous smile as his hand creeped dangerously closer to your crotch, almost gracing it. You gulped, your brain trying to send the signals to make you speak 

“Don’t start anything you won’t be able to finish.” You said as you put your hand over his and moved it away. Your eyes looked into his daringly and he looked away while he let out a loud laugh, startling the taxi driver. 

“Baby, you’re playing with fire and trust me when I say you’re gonna get burned.” He said breathlessly after the laughter stopped.

The flight was long and dreadful. Your legs were sore, his back hurt like hell and jet lag was a bitch. All you wanted was to arrive at the hotel and sleep for two days straight. Instead you waited and waited for your luggage to come out on the conveyor belt in baggage claim and then you waited a little more to pick up the car you had rented. Finally it was your turn and John walked up to the counter. You could make out some italian words as you heard him speak but you were too tired to think about how sexy it sounded, you just wanted him to end with the talking and to get you both the hell out of there. It was ten o'clock in the morning, the sun was shining bright and you raised your hand to shield your eyes as you regretted packing your sunglasses in your stupid suitcase. Meanwhile, John mocked you and danced around while he put his black rayban on. 

“Where did you get all that energy from’” you said as you struggled to drag your suitcase through the parking lot. 

“We’re in Milan baby!” He ran to you and kissed you sweetly, his excitement was obvious and, although he had never been so tired, it felt good to be far from home on a new adventure.

It didn’t take you long to get to the hotel. Well, you wouldn’t know since you fell asleep the second your ass was sitting on the car seat. John just chuckled quietly and turned on the radio to have something to listen to so he wouldn’t fall asleep too. He parked in the hotel’s parking and walked around the car to open the passenger’s door. He shook you softly and your eyes opened slowly. 

“Baby, wake up, we’re here.” The only response he got was a tired groan as you got out of the car and walked to the trunk to pick up your suitcase, his hand snatching it from you as soon as you grabbed ahold of it. “I got it.” he said as he smiled sweetly at you.

John walked up to the counter, once again, and spoke italian, again. The concierge gave him the key to your room and you wasted no time dragging John behind as you rushed to the elevator. When he opened the door with the magnetic card you eyes widened at the sight before you. There was a huge living-room decorated with ebony furniture that, mixed with the flowery carpeted floor and green sofa, gave it all a forest-like ambiance. A huge bouquet of flowers was placed in the small table in front of the sofa and the enormous windows allowed light to illuminate each corner of the room. To the left there was a huge king sized bed with white silky sheets that screamed for you to take the nap you were so desperately needing. To the right there was a white marble bathroom with a huge bathtub that, although you couldn’t see, you knew it was a jacuzzi. There also was a big window that allowed you to look down at the city (or the city to look up at you) when you were having your lovey-dovey moments in the tub.

You turned to look back at John who had a cheeky grin planted on his face “do you like it?” he asked already knowing the answer. 

“Are you kidding? It’s perfect!” You squealed while jumping into his arms and kissing his face all over “You’re the best!” 

John giggled as he carried you to the bed and set you down softly, his hair falling to his face as he hovered over you. The laughter stopped and you looked at each other, your gazes full of love and adoration. He leaned down, his lips softly gracing yours and making your heartbeat speed up. You leaned up and smashed your mouth against his. He grunted and returned the kiss with the same passion, tongues meeting and teeth clashing together. Your hands were all over his body, tugging at the soft fabric of his t-shirt and scratching his back. He moaned into your mouth as your hand reached his crotch, rubbing him through his pants. You grinned at the sound and suddenly pulled away brushing your untamed hair with your hands. 

“I think I’m gonna get some sleep.” You faked a yawn and scurried out of bed to put on you pajamas. John looked at you incredulously as he stifled a laugh. 

“Wanna play nasty? You’ll see.”

____

I don’t have a taglist but if you’d like to be added just send in a PM or an ask and tell me if you’d like to be tagged in this one or in everything I write 💖

[jxst-saying]

What about working for the boys and the fans ship her with Luke and they say they are just best friends but end up realizing they love each other in soft rn :(

A/N: This had me fucked up. Also, too in–depth to just do in a one part little drabble, so I wrote it in multiple parts! If you want the next part, just go ahead and request it here! 

(Part Two is now available: here!) (And so is Part Three: right here!) (And so if Part Four: right here!) 

[+masterlist]

@mukeclifford: @Luke5SOS and @y/t/n are SO cute!!!!! they’re totally dating there’s no other explanation that’s it that’s the tweet

@wackycalum: I don’t have a problem with @Luke5SOS and @y/t/n being an item, but lying about it is fucking messed up. Just be honest to your fans. Don’t lie. We’ll find out eventually.

@rAiNbOwAsH: how cliché is it that the social media manager is messing around with @Luke5SOS what a way to keep her job

@bitchluke: honestly people that are hating on @y/t/n for absolutely no reason are just jealous bitches she’s a professional doing her job let her be even if she and @Luke5SOS are dating that’s their business (but i do think they’re fucking cutE)

Y/N. Social media manager to well–known band 5 Seconds of Summer. Currently rumored to be dating Luke Hemmings, aforementioned band’s front–man. Actually, let’s make a correction to that statement: Always rumored to be dating Luke Hemmings, front–man. It probably (read: most definitely) had something (read: everything) to do with the fact that the two of you were always together and always ended up having your picture taken. Together.

Maybe everyone else saw something the two of you couldn’t and didn’t.

There was just something about the way the two of you––clicked. It had been that way since the second you got the job. Somehow, you and Luke always just gravitated toward each other. It was like magnets. You were the north pole; he was the south. In any crowd, you were always the first face that Luke searched for; the first hand he reached for; the first voice he sought out amongst thousands of screaming fans. It all started with just one photo from two years ago. All of you were at the airport. Hundreds of people were scattered around with their suitcases and carry–ons and airplane tickets. Calum, Michael, and Ashton were all in the security line getting patted down by TSA at JFK. They were headed to Europe; you were staying behind in the city for a while. Luke, however, was standing in front of you right before the security checkpoint line with his suitcase at his side and his duffle bag on the ground. Some fan must have seen the two of you and taken the snapshot before uploading it. That was the only thing that made sense. It was probably the look in his eyes that they saw: the one that spoke of a myriad of unsaid words and confessions and admissions of truth, bottled–up emotions, fear, and heartbreak. That one.

You, in your complete naïveté and blindness when it came to the entire situation, chalked it up to just Luke not wanting to leave a close friend behind. Europe was always a special place for the two of you. Midnights in Paris; early mornings in Rome; evenings in London; afternoons in Berlin. There was always something so incredibly romantic about it all––traveling in the late night to another country. Sometimes, it felt like the two of you were running away from it all like some modern–day Romeo and Juliet. But then the light of day would spill through the windows of the airplane and the rough landing of touch down would shake the two of you from whatever reverie you both daydreamed about whenever you had the chance. (Not that either of you would ever dare admit that.)

So, that was that.

You could easily explain that photo. Luke wasn’t too keen on leaving his good friend and social media manager behind in a different country. You had the same look in your eyes for nearly the same reason. And because you weren’t so trusting of four boys having unlimited access to their own social media accounts with absolutely no repercussions whatsoever. That was a gut–wrenching thought, in and of itself. And that was all.

But that photo then went viral and––well––the rumors came shortly after that and stuck. More rumors meant more photos meant a vicious cycle that neither of you could escape from.

And maybe that was why you were, once again, staying behind in NYC while the four boys were on an airplane to Europe. More specifically, that was why you were sitting in your boss’s office with your legs crossed and your hands fidgeting nervously in your lap. You knew what this was about; it wasn’t that hard to put two and two together. With new music coming out, the last thing the band––and the executives––needed was the rumors about you and Luke taking center stage instead of the upcoming single. You understood that; really, you did. But that definitely did not mean that you were any keener on sitting in the principal’s office ready for whatever detention they were going to hand out to you.

“Y/N, you have been doing an amazing job as the band’s social media manager. Really, you have.”

“Thank you,” you mumbled.

“That being said, we do need to adjust our course. I am sure that you are aware of the rumors going around about you and Luke Hemmings. All the photos and tweets and mentions. Your Twitter mention activity has increased by 67% as of late. That’s remarkably convenient for the band. Their mentions have increased nearly 85% since the rumors started up again. But, right now, with the single about to be released, it isn’t so convenient. Actually, it’s not convenient at all.”

“Yes, I’m sorry about that. I didn’t realize that––”

Your boss interrupted you with that fake smile on her face. “We’re going to need something from you, Y/N. What we’re going to need,” she stood up and walked around to the opposite side, leaning against the desk with her ankles crossed in front of her. This was the part of being called to the principal’s office that you definitely didn’t like. “What we’re going to need from you is less involvement. Less involvement will mean less photos and less photos will mean less rumors, and all of that put together will mean that news about the upcoming single will be front–page news and not meaningless and contrived photos of you and our front–man.”

Less involvement? How would that even be possible as the social media manager? Her job was to be the definition of involved. If the executives were wanting less involvement, she wouldn’t be able to do her job. She wouldn’t be able to do anything.

“But I’m the social media manger,” you said. “How am I supposed to be less involved?”

She smiled. It was fake, the kind that flight attendants gave you when they were two seconds from taking you off the plane. “Ah, yes. That is another part of the equation. We’re going to be giving you promotion. You’ll be based out of LA. So, pack your bags! You’re headed to the West Coast!”

“A promotion? To what?”

“You’ll get all the information when you get there. The company will pay for your AirB&B until you find a suitable residence. Your plane ticket and conformation e–mail have already been booked and sent to you on company expense. It’s a direct flight from JFK to LAX, so don’t worry about that. And we’ll also take care of your apartment here. Furniture will be sent to you as soon as you find a place to live, and we’ll pay off the rest of your lease.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re getting promoted, Y/N. That’s a big deal. We help out our big fish here, you know.”

“But I’m not a big fish. I’m just a social media manager for 5 Seconds of Summer.” You still weren’t all that sure what was going on. All of this wreaked of some sort of convenient cover–up. With you out of the picture, there were no rumors about the two of you together leaving all the spotlight for the new single and upcoming album and later tour. It was all picture–perfect in the eyes of the executives. Even you could see that.

“Not anymore, you’re not. This’ll be good for you, Y/N. Trust me. Maybe one day you’ll be sitting in this office. You never know!”

“So, basically, you’re firing me from my job and giving me a desk job on the opposite end of the country just because of some stupid rumors.”

“Doesn’t matter whether they have any evidence behind them. Rumors spread because they’re just that––rumors. All people need to think that something is true is their own belief in the rumor. And you just being around Luke gives them just the evidence they need to run wild with it all. Don’t think of this like a punishment, Y/N. Think of it like … the next step in your PR career. It’ll do you some good. Now, if you don’t mind––”

You understood her unsaid sentiments. Get out of my office. Pack your bags. Go to L.A.

So, you did just that.

You walked the twenty–seven blocks back to your apartment, packed your tweed weekender bag and your pink rolling suitcase, printed out your ticket, and stood in the threshold to the apartment that you had lived in for three past three years. (Although, saying that you lived in that apartment might be a stretch; it was more of a home base that you just ghosted through from time to time.) But even with that, it was your home. It was the place that you and Luke had ordered late–night Chinese takeout (pan–fried pork dumplings, lemon chicken, Mongolian beef, Vietnamese doughnuts). And the place that you and Michael and Ashton had a three–a.m. water balloon fight in the living room, knocking over and breaking your flower vase mid–fight. (You won.) And the place that you and Calum had Ghost Adventures marathons until the sun would filter through the blinds on the right side of the living room. Most importantly, it was the place that you had come to view as your home whatever that meant at the end of the day. So, standing in the door was maybe more than a little heartbreaking. It was only 731 square feet, but they were yours. And now? Well, now, you were being banished out of the kingdom and sent to exile.

Perhaps that was a little dramatic. But, for you, it felt like the truth.

You shut the door behind you and left the apartment building that you were all–too–familiar with and caught a cab to JFK.

“Leaving the city or just a vacation?” The friendly cab–driver asked as he pulled into the street.

You sniffled and stared out the window, catching your last view of the Empire State Building as you did so. The sunlight glinted off the tall metal building in an annoyingly tragic and romantic sort of way. Memories of the time that you and Luke climbed all the staircases to the very top of that building flashed through your mind like a supercut. Heavy breath, burning legs, racing heartbeats, and your hand in his. It was up to the jury to decide whether the racing heartbeat was because of the flights of stairs or the hot hand she was holding onto. (Her bet was on the stairs.)  “Leaving.”

Who even knew if you would ever be allowed to return?

“That’s such a shame. Well, either way, I’m sure the universe has something amazing for you in store. I just know it.”

But without this city, without your home, without all those memories that you were speeding past left and right, you weren’t so sure.

+

REQUEST PART TWO! 

[silverlightqueen]

Daisies

here's another playlist with all the songs that the songs in Daisies are based on with the spotify playlist, enjoy x

a/n: almost all of the song titles come from part names of daisies parts lol and I also wrote this super late last night but the wifi stopped working as I tried to upload it so sorry for how... sleep deprived I come across in this lmaooo x

tracklist

1. Intro: Spring - KTH = Winter Bear - V

From the very first mixtape skit, Tae suggested having Intro: Spring and Outro: Summer so y’all know I had to call the intro Intro: Spring lol. I based this one off Winter Bear bc even though Winter Bear is about... a winter bear (lmao), I thought it’d be cute to have the message of this song as even though it’s spring, the singer still loves the person they fell in love with during the winter (and winter doesn’t necessarily refer to the season, but maybe a dark time in the singer’s life).

2. Mayday - KTH & JJK = Lay Me Down - Sam Smith & John Legend

So the reason I chose this song is that it’s quite a sad and dark love song and rather than seeing it as an unrequited love song (which is what it is), I see it as more a doomed love song. From the point of view of the singer, they see the relationship as something amazing and beautiful and something they want, but there are doubts/barriers in the way. This could be reflective of how both Tae and JK initially saw their relationships with Chae and Lisa due to the whole idol dating thing, or maybe even their past with sleeping around. 

3. Injustice - Jisoo & Jennie = Extraordinary - Clean Bandit & Sharna Bass

Again, this is another song about loving someone, but there are issues/doubts/barriers in the relationship. This again could be reflective of doubts that Jisoo and Jennie both had about Jin and Joon at the beginning of their attractions to one another/relationships. 

4. Psychic - KNJ & Jennie = Fine Line - Mabel & Not3s

This song is all about how they both have feelings for each other, but he’s more open about his towards her. Jennie is reluctant but feels like there is a very fine line (ba dum tsh) between their relationship being casual and her falling head over heels for him.

5. Missing Out - MYG, JHS & Lisa = Take It Or Leave It - Rae Sremmurd

Now I really really love this song bc it gives me major ‘I really like you and i’m trying my best to act like I don’t really care whether you like me or not but I really do and I’m not a good actor so you already know’ vibes. It’s a real laidback and chill ‘end-of-the-night-when-everyone’s-high’ kinda song and I love it.

6. Outings - MYG, JHS, PJM & JJK = New Flame - Chris Brown, Usher & Rick Ross

I chose this song bc it talks about finding love in an unlikely place; the club. In Outings, the boys sing/rap about finding love in a different unlikely place; on tour. It’s so hectic and busy that you wouldn’t think there’d be any time, but it happened regardless.

7. Possessed - JHS, Jennie & y/n = All My Friends - Snakehips, Tinashe & Chance The Rapper

This song is the ultimate introvert anthem and talks about the idol lifestyle for idols that don’t like the idol lifestyle. y/n wasn’t into all that getting high and drunk and sleeping around kinda thing and this song reflects that mentality, and the mentality of the boys when they used to do that shit.

8. Parents - KSJ, Jisoo & JJK = Boyfriend - Ariana Grande & Social House

This song just talks about how Jin, JK and Jisoo (and Lisa) are in relationships where they really like the other person and they don’t want them with anybody else, but they’re also not quite ready to commit and put a label on it or make it official just yet.

9. Booking Flights - KSJ, JHS, Jisoo, KNJ & Jennie = Finders Keepers - Mabel & Kojo Funds

This song is about how you will not catch Jin, Jisoo, Joon or Jennie booking a flight to see the other person they’re in a relationship with; they’re not ready for that yet and they’d prefer to keep it casual and make the most of the time they do have together before becoming serious.

9.5. Skit: Brainstorm Pt. IIIII - All

This is literally just them lot brainstorming and i’m so sorry but I am too tired to come up with what they say so you can just make it up yourselves

10. Really - Girls (Blackpink Cover)

This song is a little bit of turning point; it’s where the girls have decided that ‘okay, I like you and I’m ready for us to be something more; if you feel the same way, let me know’. This is where the girls are addressing their feelings and wanting the same from the boys.

11. Reunion - PJM & y/n = Learn To Love Again - Lawson

This song is y/n and Jimin talking about how they know that they are meant for each other bc of the fact that they’ve been able to learn to love each other again and forgive each other, despite everything that happened between them; it’s an admittance of how deep their feelings for each other really go.

12. Enjoy - Lisa & JJK = Fetish - Selena Gomez & Gucci Mane 

This song is about how JK and Lisa are feeling each other in a sexual way and no matter how they’ve tried to repress their feelings, they want the other; not just in a sexual relationship but in an actual relationship too (and they’re both aware of the other’s feelings). It also talks about how they don’t blame the other for liking them so a lil bit of self love in there too.

13. Blushing - Chae = Lover - Taylor Swift

There’s not much to say about this one; it’s literally just Chae admitting to Tae that she really likes him, wants to go where he goes and stay this close to him forever. It’s a really cute lil love song and I think it suits Chae and Tae’s relationship perfectly.

14. Clouds - MYG & KTH = Waves - Kanye West & Chris Brown

This song is about all the different relationships that the twelve of them have, discussing the fact that they are like waves; they change and move and (as Genius lyrics says) flux and reflux, but they never truly die and are always still there. Basically it’s about how no matter what happens, their relationships will exist and stay just as strong forever.

15. Close Your Eyes - Boys = Wake Up - The Vamps

This song is the boys admittance of their feelings for the girls and how they’re here and ready for the girls whenever their hearts are ready. That’s it, lol.

16. Babie - KSJ = This Is What You Came For - Calvin Harris & Rihanna

This song is about a really powerful woman who can command the entire room, but the feeling of her having her eyes on you. Basically, it’s just the boys empowering the girls; it’s them saying ‘you guys are really amazing and powerful and we’re honoured to even know you, let alone have your love’.

17.  Forever Young - All (Blackpink Cover)

This song is literally just them talking about feeling young when they’re all together and they’ll be together the rest of their lives, making them young forever.

18. About Time - MYG, JHS & y/n = Congratulations - Post Malone & Quavo

This is just a flex bc they're record breakers and award winners bitch lmao

19. Interlude: Hedge - JJK & y/n

y’all know I had to fucking do it to you !! okay so the backing track is literally just basic asf and it’s just JK and y/n rapping the following lines together (it’s only like a minute long lmao):

sitting on a ledge, thinking ‘bout a hedge. we gon’ make a pledge to grow ourselves a hedge. our tools we will dredge (up) and in the garden we will wedge, some seeds between our flowers and grow a baby hedge. the baby hedge will grow, ‘til it can’t no mo’, ‘til it’s bigger than Tae’s toe and taller than Joon’s old ‘fro. our hedge matters most, it’ll grow from coast to coast, ‘til the world from edge to edge will fall in love with our hedge 

(that’s it. I have reached the peak of crackheadedness. I will never do anything more crackhead-like than what i am doing right this second; writing a rap about a hedge at 1am in the dark with Monsters vs Aliens on the tv)

20. Apocalypse - KTH, Lisa & y/n = This Is Love - Will Smith & Eva Simons

This song is legit just how much love they all have; for each other, for their fans, for their families and friends and for their music. That’s it, ion know what else to say.

21. Lucky Stars - Chae & y/n = Unconditionally - Katy Perry

This is just another big love song about how no matter what, they will all still love each other unconditionally, without holding back anything.

22. Masterpiece - PJM & y/n = Ordinary People - John Legend

This is y/n and Jimin realising that there will be ups and downs in their relationship, but that’s okay bc that’s life and they’ll get through it bc they love each other. It’s also them realising that they need to just go slow this time and let things happen naturally rather than rushing into anything and forcing anything.

23. Tipsy - PJM & y/n = Drunk In Love - Beyonce & Jay-Z

Nothing has changed; they both still like sex a lot. Also, rapper!Jimin which we love (yes, i’m still not over that Tony Montana performance and I want it tattooed on my forehead pls)

24. Whiplash - Boys = Better Man - 5 Seconds Of Summer

This song is dedicated from the boys to y/n bc she made them better men; she threw away their drugs (lmao) and got them to stop sleeping around and helped to realise their worth and love themselves, so this is their thank you to her for changing them into better people.

25. Holiday - Chae, JJK & y/n = Malibu - Miley Cyrus

This song is about how they were reluctant about relationships at first and never saw themselves where they are now, but they love it and feel indebted to their other halves (and also their friendship group) for giving them new experiences, changing their lives for the better and making them happier than ever.

26. Promise Pt. II - PJM = Serendipity - BTS

This is dedicated to y/n (obviously) and is basically just Jimin’s promise to y/n that he loves her.

27. Angel Boy - y/n = Video Games - Lana Del Rey

This is y/n’s love song to Jimin - just listen to it and you’ll understand (listen, it’s late and i’m tired but I just wanna get this uploaded so I can finish daisies in the next couple of days and start the new au so sorry if the descriptions are too brief lol)

28. Back On - All = All Weekend Long - Jack & Jack

RTG might have left the toxic lifestyle behind them but they’ll never say no to a good party lmao

29. Business - KNJ & Jennie = Touch - Little Mix & Kid Ink

Jen and Joon like each other a lot and like to touch too lmao i’m tired forgive me

30. Peachy - KSJ & Jisoo = Toothbrush - DNCE

Jin and Jisoo not wanting just one night stands and asking the other to stay the night and the next day bc they like each other a lot

31. Dream - Lisa & JJK = Cold Water - Major Lazer, Justin Bieber and MØ 

This just in: JK and Lisa really like each other and will save each other from cold cold water bc of it.

32. Worldwide - KTH & Chae = This One’s For You - David Guetta & Zara Larsson

Just a super feelgood, uplifting and empowering love song that’s totally not about football.

33. Daisy - PJM & y/n = Middle - DJ Snake & Bipolar Sunshine

This song is where I got the line ‘staring at two different views’ from and both y/n and Jimin have captioned pictures of each other with that line so I felt obliged to have this as their song, and then I called it daisy and made myself sad lmao.

34. Goodbye - All = The Time - Black Eyed Peas

They had the time of their lives on The Rose Tour and can’t wait to do it all over again on The Daisies Tour.

35. Outro: Summer - All = Waiting For Love - Avicii

They’ve all been hurt in the past but that doesn’t matter anymore bc they’ve found love in each other and that’s all that matters. 

taglist💕: @khaoticamour @rjsmochii @minniestudies @oodlespadoodle @shay-the-turtle @yasbts705 @goldenchemistry @arvbellas @anothershorthuman @golden-pixie-dust-200 @onlinewhale @maknaeroni @sweetchocolategoblin @conslack @missbowkimjinju @pocketfullofsuga @booklover240 @dimple-jungkook @squishyshit @sakurauchiha2018 @keylowmonie @untainted-memories @babybluebisexual @dearbangtan07 @joyful-jimin @glossdust @mayumioutloud @needyvmin @the-real96 @brinnalaine @lovebuginlove @smolchild95 @miraisnotavailable @eilowyneleyne @kiddrauhlfeels @silverlightprincess

[rovvboat]

Painted Flaws - Colossus/Piotr Rasputin x villian!Reader

Part 12

A/N: send an ask if you wanna be added to the taglist! Lmk how you feel about this series!

Summary: You’re a villian with a moral grey area. You meet Piotr at an art exhibit, but both of you are there for completely different reasons. Though the attraction was inevitable, will it be enough? A growing passionate love wrought with secrecy, both of you try to move through this maze. But when the ball drops, what will you choose?

word count: 2k

The X-Jet roars over the Lazarus Headquarters – a large metallic building coasting over the side of a preserved mountain range.

NTW leans forward from her seat next to Colossus – as he pilots the X-Jet – and peers over the front glass panel. But before she can say anything, she feels a Deadpool looming over her shoulder.

‘’Wow. Don’t think they have any parking available,’’ Deadpool quips, leaning with a casual arm draped over the top of her seat. 

Cable rolls his eyes from his seat.

‘’Wade, please get back and strap yourself on to seat for your own safety,’’ Colossus calmly instructs, eyes never leaving the sight in front of him.

‘’I’d like a different kind of strap, tinman – but that’s only after you buy me dinner. Also, don’t you for a second think I wouldn’t try to fit a cockpit joke in there, because I just want you to know th– ’’

Deadpool’s sentence was cut off as the cabin jerked to the side from a disturbance, sending him hurtling and falling flat against the side of the cabin.

As he rubs the sore part of his head, he notices Colossus snickering from his seat – ‘’You fucking did that on purpose!’’

‘’It is cloudy day. Turbulence was inevitable, Wade. I told you to wear belt.’’

Cable titters as he looks ahead at Colossus, ‘’Didn’t know you had it in you, Colossus. Good job.’’

NTW laughs heartily at the sight, ‘’That’s some good karma. And anyway, before I was interrupted by doucheface, I think this HQ was probably designed to only be accessible to helicopters. Colossus, you might have to let us off and land somewhere nearby.’’

‘’Yes, very good observation NTW. Soon enough, you too can be Pilot of X-Jet. There was an airbase that I saw not too far from here. I will be there. Please radio me if you need extraction,’’ Colossus directs the team as he adjusts his headset. He flicks the tab on the panel of controls in front of him, releasing the jet’s back door from its’ closed position.

Deadpool cracks his knuckles – and then does the same to his neck – in a showy fashion.

‘’It’s go time, muchachos.’’

‘’Wade! Please wear a para–‘’

And as in Deadpool fashion, he lets himself fall backwards – hurtling down to the Earth without a parachute.

Cable sighs, grabbing an extra parachute from the racks – ‘’I’ll take care of that.’’ – as he makes his jump off the end of the platform.

There was someone waiting to meet them at the landing area, as Cable and Deadpool make their contact to ground. Cable held his face in a disgruntled deadpan look, as Deadpool hung onto his torso with arms and legs wrapped around him.

‘’Are you done?’’

‘’What? I couldn’t get the parachute on.’’

‘’If you don’t get off of me in the next 5 seconds – ‘’ Cable mutters with a low voice, his hand motioning to grab his submachine gun.

‘’Alright! Alright! I’m off now!’’ Deadpool remits as he climbs off of Cable, laboriously slowly.

The person waiting on the landing grounds had been observing the whole tirade, with an incredulous look on their face. Cable ignores the moments of before and gets right to it.

‘’You got what we need?’’

‘’Yeah. I’m sticking my neck out for you. But I don’t give a shit about either the fucking bitch or the boss she works for.’’

A flash of recognition blights Cable’s TO eye.

’’I remember you. You’re the shitface that shot Colossus in the back. The prick from the helicopter.’’

The man chuffs. But Cable’s stare bears into him, cracking his knuckles as he does.

‘’I have some choice words for you, but I won’t count on me using my words.’’ – NTW holds a cautionary arm in front of Cable – and he lets off.

The man remains slack, and holds out the drive between his thumb and index finger.

‘’Everything you need to know is in this thumb drive. Address and real names are encrypted data – but it should be easy enough for you to decode that on your own,’’ the man eyes Cable intensely and before – as Cable reached out to take the drive – in one swift move, flicked the drive and caught it in a fist.

‘’But I need something from you first.’’

NTW walks ahead, just ahead of Cable.

‘’We’re listening.’’

‘’I want out. New name, location, papers. For me and my family. I want to be untraceable within the next 2 days.’’

‘’That should be easy enough. If you aren’t stupid.’’

The man scoffs – ‘’Yeah, and if you aren’t stupid, you wouldn’t antagonize that only lead you’ve had in months. Talk about stupid.’’

NTW rolls her eyes, and Cable steps forward to bring a satisfactory end to the negotiations.

‘’Alright. I’m sure we could arrange for that. Now,’’ he holds his arm out for the drive.

The man seemed to hold back at first, but quickly dropped the drive onto Cable’s open palm.

‘’We will send you your new papers once we’re done. You’re in good hands.’’

The man scoffs again. ‘’I don’t believe in there ever being a good side. You fight only for your own interests. You wouldn’t even be here if not for the information that I got for you.’’

Deadpool yawns and stretches dispassionately, ‘’Yeah, yeah. You’re a hack, we get it. We’ll see you next week, champ.’’

The team turns back, with NTW radioing for Colossus to pick them up.

***

Your phone buzzes with messages from Piotr; asking about your day, if you’ve eaten, if you’re busy. With the amount of time the man sets aside to check up on you, you never would have guessed he was an X-Man.

His replies don’t always come quickly though – sometimes it takes him ages, and he always apologises for it (no matter how much you’ve tried to reassure him that you understood); but it kept in line with his previously claims of being a firefighter.

You grab your phone off the table, hurriedly setting your phone on mute.

You shift your focus back to your computer; eyes still stinging from the hours spent trying to book flights and layovers for D.K.

It would’ve been much easier if you were just booking flights though.

You had hired a few bodyguards (you’ve previously met many of them from working in the field, but few you knew you could absolutely trust) – and they were to help D.K. through his trip and make sure he was safe. Though they all had the condition that they would operate from a distance.

None of them were willing to fend off against your Boss if it meant putting their lives and livelihoods in jeopardy – and you understood that for the most part.

You close your eyes for a minute, letting yourself rest from the demands of the world.

As you lay back against the couch, you envision your sleepy mornings with Piotr – oh how you wished you could be there now; with you starfished on top of him – sometimes clothed, most times not – as his fingers drew slow blissful lines over your back, before running reassuring strokes with slow, long strides of his calloused palms.

Calloused palms which you grew to love, because they were his.

When you looked up at him from your position, he would never fail to give you a smile – with sweet, supple lips that would tell you ‘’I love you’’ a million times if you asked – and would kiss you instead if you didn’t.

Kisses you could never get enough of, because they were his.

The way he would nestle against your neck – strong arms curled up over you – snug and tight and warm against his loving chest

– especially on the nights that were quiet – as if to tell you that he’d hold you close, even if he didn’t need to;

Because he was yours.

You’re jolted back to your empty living room, and into the silent whirring of your laptop.

You push all those thoughts to the back of your mind, as began you typing away on your laptop.

The hours rolled by, uninterrupted – when a sudden urgent knocking sounds at your door.

Your face turned quizzical.

That’s odd… I’m not expecting anyone.

You quickly head over to your room and grab your electric baton.

When you reach your door, you try to put an eye onto the peep hole, but the person on the other end starts knocking aggressively again, making you flinch back. You press your face over the keyhole, and look for who was outside your door so late.

When you realise who it was, you breathe a shaky breath of relief, but your heart rate only picks up from there. Your hands move swiftly to unlock the door and greet your visitor.

‘’Piotr? It’s 3am… What are you doing here so late?’’

‘’I’m sorry, Y/N. You were not responding to your calls… and I grew concerned. I was coming back from work, and thought I could check up on you.’’

Your heart was both elated, and sinking at the same time. You try not to make eye contact with him for too long. Whenever you did, you felt as if he could see right through you.

‘’Yeah, I was just… busy. I was going to call you back.’’

‘’Okay… May I come in?’’

You hesitate, and the uncomfortable look on your face stings at Piotr.

‘’It’s not that I don’t want you here, Piotr – its just that… I’m working on a case right now with a client over the phone. It wouldn’t be professional, and I wouldn’t be able to concentrate.’’

‘’I.. Yes, I understand, myshka…’’ he rubs his neck, trying to hide his embarrassment, ‘’I’m sorry for having interrupted your work… I will wait for when you are free next time.’’

It took all you had to not just pull him closer to you – to show him that he was loved and needed and wanted around.

But the jury doesn’t call for that.

You bite your lip, ‘’okay, get home safely, Piotr.’’

He gives you an awkward nod, before walking away from your door as it shut.

***

The room sits still, waiting for you to make a move as you stand leaning against your bedroom door. Your breathing becomes jagged and heavy as your heart thuds against your chest, and as you do, there's the wetness that escapes your eyes – demanding to burn down your hot cheeks.

You sniff the layers of unease away from your nose, as serious as you can.

Get your priorities straight, Y/N!

There was an ache and an anger and torment brewing in the pit of your stomach, rising and rising as your chest heaved in frustration.

You turn around to bring a closed, fist hard against the door, pounding out your frustrations – hard and unflinching – with gritted teeth as your stinging tears forced your eyes shut.

You wanted to scream. You wanted a release. And you did.

Your groans and sobbing would go unnoticed everyone outside – with the house covered roof to floor with every kind of proofing you could think of;

and in that you found a delinquent sense of security – in the same place you also found the lonely pit sprouting in your chest.

It felt like a daze.

Every person you’ve ever met, taken – lost – killed.

Left.

And those whom you’ve grown to love, were never allowed to be a permanent part of your life.

Your legs grew weak, the hours and thoughts sapping what little energy they had from their muscles – as you lower yourself down, sitting with your back against the door.

There isn’t much left for me. The sooner I let this go, the better for everyone involved.

You head to the bathroom, rinsing your face off – then drying it off with a towel. You face yourself in the mirror; eyes red and swollen.

You abandon the face in the mirror – striding over to your study room, grabbing a pen and paper;

And in that page, you let yourself be free.

You let yourself be seen.

—————————————————————————-

Taglist!

@emma-frxst @chromecutie @fluffymadamina @master-sass-blast@marvelhead17 @onthequill @candle-light-writings @mooleche @starman-thorsus-canos-jock @super-darkcloudstudent