#'caught up in the past. catching up in the present. thinking about the future'

[burnthoneydrops]

Paper Flowers (b.b. x fem!reader)

pairing: benedict bridgerton x fem!reader

word count: 2k

warnings: classism, anxious/slightly insecure reader, use of "young lady" and feminine descriptors

a/n: the second part of Language of Flowers is here! Thank you so much for all the love on the first part and I hope you enjoy the second one just as much! I set it up to have more parts in the future so if anyone is interested in that, let me know!!

The eyes of the ton were as insufferable as ever. One would have thought that a lady in simpler attire would attract less attention than those in large adornments or hair pieces, but today appeared the opposite indeed. Sure, when you were personally delivering large floral orders to people’s estates, you had eyes on you, but you could ignore them then. Then, you knew you would not be in their line of vision for long and you could rest assured with the guarantee that no one would remember past that moment. Now, however, now you were out walking in your simple attire with a lord. A lord of one of the most illustrious families no less. You had tried to convince Benedict to take the less occupied back roads, but he insisted that his desired destination would be faster reached should you take the main road. Not wanting to make a scene in public, you were left to be made a spectacle. 

The looks you were receiving were not lost on Benedict, but he chose to keep his head up high, nodding and smiling when someone was about to pull an ugly face. Perhaps the ton were weary as to why someone of his status was walking with a working class young lady, but frankly, he was too happy that he had gotten you on this walk in the first place to even consider how wild it might appear on the surface. He nearly reached out to grab your hand when he saw the Cowpers were approaching from the modiste, but realised just in time how much worse the physical affection might be and refrained, choosing to wipe some imaginary dust off of his trousers instead. 

“Something else will catch their attention by morning, do not fret,” he whispered with his head tilted in your direction but looking over your head rather than at you in an effort to look less obvious. 

You had been so caught up in the whirlwind of emotions that were entrapped in him appearing at the shop and your parents sending you away that you had not had the time to think about presentation at all. You had heard girls lamenting to each other about their lacklustre presentations to the Queen and you could imagine that it felt something similar to this. All eyes on you, no one truly seeing you, yet everyone so quick to make a passing judgement. 

“Had I cared about the opinions of others, I would not have asked for your time. But I am here because I care not about them, but about you. Keep your head high, we are almost there,” Benedict whispered once again. While his words were nice, they did little to soothe your anxiety. Nonetheless, you raised your chin up higher, realising you had been staring at the cobblestone more than what was in front of you. You soon found yourself quickly approaching a luscious green field that left you wondering how Benedict had ever found it. It was much closer to the shops than his estate, and with the ton spending most of their months in the country, you questioned how his discovery of this place might have come about. “We have arrived,” Benedict commented with a small smile on his face, waving his arm out to the side in demonstration. 

“However did you find this place?” You questioned. 

“Being a child in a clan of eight means a lot of time to make daring escapes during family shopping trips,” he smiles, mischievous as you ever saw. The smile gives the impression that he looked back on those memories fondly, as you did with memories of you and your sisters. Maybe you had never had big family shopping trips into town, but the moral of the story lies in the bonds strengthened with those you were with. You started to believe you might have more in common than you previously imagined. 

“I figured we could sit and admire the view. Talk for a little, if it suits you,” Benedict looked over at you, gesturing to a place clear of any wandering eyes where you could lean against the sturdy tree trunk and watch the breeze create waves over the pond. 

“It suits me very well,” you nodded, a small smile etching its way onto your face as he sat down first, offering his hand as to assist you in doing the same. 

“I’d say the way the sun hits suits you very nicely as well,” he complimented, “you’re practically glowing”. 

“A fan of flattery are we Mr. Bridgerton?” you asked, teasingly but trying not to show it. 

“Only when I feel it necessary”. 

Though you were promised conversation, Benedict did not want to force it, so the two of you sat in silence, taking in the sights and sounds of this hidden paradise. The silence was not uncomfortable, mind you, but rather a space in which the two of you could gather all of your thoughts. The grass waved to and fro in the light breeze, catching glimmers of sunlight in every direction. It looked as though someone had sprinkled fairy dust and every sparkle was destined to catch your eye. The tree you were leaning on had a small hole in the trunk, and you quickly caught two squirrels dashing in and out of it, dancing on the tree branches above you. 

“This place is-” “I wanted to ask-” you realised you had started speaking at the same time. You nodded at Benedict, silently urging him to continue first. 

“I wanted to ask why you were so adamant about disliking me upon our first visit”. 

You paused. You knew this question was going to appear sooner or later and yet you did not have a precise answer. Not one that felt worthy enough of your anger anyway. It was not unlike you to get an idea stuck in your head and run with it, so unchanging that you had to apologise many a time to family members for such unwavering anger. It always felt silly a few days later, as it did now, to have held onto an unsupported emotion for so long, but you liked admitting your faults just as much as you liked giving Benedict the time of day when you first met. Surely your idea was not so drastic this time, as you had met many men of the ton and of the working class who held women in low regard, instantly annoying you, but you also knew that this time you were angered more because of his brother than because of him. You had just happened to meet him first. 

You decided it would be easier to just tell Benedict as such, and he sat there quietly during your entire speech. He did not interrupt, did not interject, did not even look away while you were explaining. It made you feel even sillier that he was listening so attentively to a situation you grew more and more embarrassed about. Ending your spiel, you placed your head in your hands, leaning your elbows against your knees as to become as small as possible. Benedict was quick to remedy this, gently grabbing your wrist and pulling your arm away from your face. He looked at you with a goofy smile before reaching for an inner pocket in his jacket. 

“So your problem lies not with me, but with my brother?” 

“I do not believe I actually have a problem with any of you. Not a reasonable one anyway; I was merely already agitated and the situation you laid before me sounded so similar to ones I had heard before that I clumped you all together. This is not to dismiss the derogatory nature that men in the ton and of the working class have I just-” 

“I believe I understand,” Benedict cut you off, but only so you would not have to repeat your feelings in order to feel that you had explained them properly. “Now that we are at least a little on the same page, I did not want you to think that I had left you out of my gifting endeavours entirely,” he pulled something out of his inner pocket and you immediately noticed a delicate pale pink ribbon tying little cards together. “I couldn’t entirely fight the urge  to gift flowers, even though you work with them constantly, so I figured some longer lasting ones might be nicer”. He handed you the stack of cards and you gingerly unwrapped the bow from the front in order to get a better look. Now it was Benedict’s turn to become embarrassed, as he feared you may not like or appreciate them. You came from a family of florists, of course it was a low blow to gift you something related to your trade. This was a terrible idea and he should have never- 

“These are…beautiful,” you sighed, shifting through the cards with soft eyes. He had painted multiple flowers with their meanings listed under them in the fashion of miniatures. They were incredibly detailed and gorgeous that you could not imagine the amount of effort it took not only for him to create each flower but find their meaning as well. “You are an artist, I take it”. 

“I…dabble”. 

“Do not be modest Mr. Bridgerton. If this is dabbling I would love to see what your proper art looks like,” you smiled up at him and felt all worry about his gift choices melt away. You liked them and that is all that mattered. 

“My mother is quite well versed in the language of flowers, so I figured I would use what talent I have for you”. 

“My little sister, Abigail, keeps our flower book on her shelf so it is quite nice that now I can have one of my own. No matter how versed one might be, there is always the fear that one might forget, so these will prove quite useful I think.” 

Everything was going perfectly in Benedict’s mind. You liked his gift, you enjoyed the space you were in, you were smiling. You carefully tied the cards back together with the pale ribbon, turning them over and over again in your hand as if you couldn’t believe someone had taken the time to gift you such a thing. In truth you couldn’t; your family were certainly not the wealthiest in England, so gifts were small or hard to come by. They only really happened during holidays and birthdays, but half the time you ended up sharing with your sisters. Not that you were complaining, you loved your sisters dearly and were grateful for anything you received, but being able to have something to call your own was magical. 

A quick glance at Benedict’s pocket watch caused the whole scene to come crashing down, however, as he jumped up and informed you that he was late for a family event. You urged him to go, thanking him for the gift and the time, assuming this would be the end of your time together indefinitely. Benedict seemed to have other ideas. 

“There is a party. Two nights from now and I would love if you would come with me”. 

“Should you not be worried about bringing me?” 

“Whatever for?” Your question seemed lost on him. 

“Bringing someone of a lower status to a ton party would surely cause scandal, would it not?” 

“No, see, this is a party where everyone is invited. All types of people mingling together for an evening, doing whatever the night calls them to do. It is truly wonderful and it would be even more wonderful if you would attend. It would be after shop hours, so you would not have to worry about leaving your family to fend for themselves,” he teased and you laughed, “and I could come pick you up, make sure you arrive safely and all”. 

“If you are sure,” to which Benedict nodded enthusiastically, “then I suppose I shall”. 

His smile grew wide as he lightly grabbed your hand and kissed the back of it before starting the walk in the opposite direction back towards Mayfair. You were still wary of what had taken place, and the promise you just made, but you supposed if one of you was certain enough about it that it would be fine. Or at least you hoped.

people who asked to be tagged: @easybrainrot34, @imgondeletedis, @sublimepenguinpeach-blog

[fandom-wreck-9000]

Welcome home my Darling new neighbor (Wally Darling x Male reader) Yandere Fic

A/N: for future chapters I might add the tag Dead dove do not eat cause this does eventually get really dark in future chapters.

CW: Scopophobia, stalking, badly written panic attack, obsessive behavior, mentions of limbs being cut off and kidnapping.

Chapter 3: Stuck

It’s been a couple of days since you’ve been kidnapped by Wally Darling, and ever since you’ve gotten full control of your new body a few days ago you’ve been trying to escape, or knock him out to try and escape. But every attempt seemed to be thwarted, either by a floorboard suddenly becoming loose, your legs becoming wobbly again somehow, windows you tried to open and escape from slammed shut on their own, or Wally somehow catching you leading you to be in his bone-crushing hold again. And each time it lead to you either being near him in the house the rest of the day or being stuck in that bed again with him staring at you with those black voids… You’ve tried everything to get out of this house out of his reach and grasp but nothing worked absolutely nothing worked… even today your pitiful escape attempt failed as you were now sitting in his lap while he sat on the couch, with his head resting on your shoulder arms around your waist as he stared at you from the corner of his eyes.

“My darling why do you keep trying to escape?” He spoke as he buried his head in your neck, even though you could no longer throw up you still felt the feeling of bile coming up to your mouth as he did the affectionate gesture which made you feel less than loved… “Cause I want to go home…” You spoke in a frightened whisper, his hold on you tightened after you said that. “But you are home… you are safe with me in home… there is no need to be so scared and skittish.” he said his voice showing some anger, you were about to speak again but he beat you to it. “I have shown you nothing but kindness and love and yet you're still so scared there's no need to be… Just be happy and show me that adoring smile…” He spoke so softly so sweetly, yet anger was present in his voice which you could tell was growing, was he… Was he Losing his patience with you? “I just want to see that adoring smile of yours again but these past few days you’ve denied me it, and I’m starting to get really annoyed… what do I have to do to see that smile again?” he said his grip getting tighter, what the fuck was wrong with him why did he think you would be all sunshine and rainbows after he kidnapped you and taken you away from everything and everyone you loved…

Words were caught in your throat you didn’t know what to say, who knew such a cute puppet could be so… Deranged, you could feel his stare at you like every other time. You didn’t know what to do. You didn’t know if you could smile in this new form or if your overwhelming fear would even let you but you didn’t want to know if you angered him any more than you already have… You just sat still in his lap as he held you, his anger practically radiating off of him…. You felt one of his arms come off of your waist and his hand tightly gripping your chin, forcing you to turn your head towards his face, where you saw his black eyes that looked like empty voids of pure anger. It was like staring into an abyss, eyes filled with empty nothingness that seemed to hold only endless anger; it was frightening, to say the least. “I have been patient and kind but every day you try to escape and every day I see you get more frightened and it’s getting harder to not get completely angry and not use the other options.” He spoke voice filled with rage, what did he mean by ‘other options’?

That question was never answered as he still forced you to stare into his eyes, your eyes filled with tears as you got more frightened every second he stared at you, your breathing became quick and you were starting to panic. You were scared… He stared into your eyes for a few more seconds before letting go of your face and allowing you to turn your head away from him as tears started to run down your face your breath heavy and quick as you tried to calm yourself down. “But Frank did say that you would be scared in a new environment after being taken away from one they were used to, of course I had to ask him why you were still so scared in a non-conspicuous way!” He said his voice back to being happy and smooth, but you could hear the anger lingering in his voice. You shook in his arms still trying to calm down, he picked you up and placed you down on the couch, his eyes still empty voids of anger. “I have to go again be good and don’t escape or I might resort to the other options… I love you darling” He said as blew a kiss goodbye to you before leaving the house, as soon as he did you got up and walked back to the room where you almost always were. You walked into it slowly closing the door behind you, when you reached the bed you sat down, and when you did your breath quickened again and tears began to pour out of your eyes as you broke down sobbing.

Your lungs felt suffocated as you breathed quickly, your body shook with every sob that came out of your mouth. Tears streamed down your felt cheeks staining them. [how did this happen? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN? What did I ever do to deserve this?] You thought as you continued to break down in fear, panic, and sadness. You wanted out, you wanted away from that sick puppet that was tormenting you. What did he mean by ‘other options’? That thought rang in your head as an echo. What did he have planned what other options did he have in mind to make you behave? Was he gonna chain you to this room? To this bed? Was he gonna cut off your stuffed limbs so that you stayed put and couldn’t move without his help? Was he gonna lock you into a dark room till you submitted and stopped fighting? What the fuck were the other options, you frankly didn’t want to know cause the thought of whatever he had planned scared you to where you felt like vomiting… You couldn’t stop panicking and so you tried to wrap your arms around yourself, but as soon as you did it reminded you of his tight grasp so you just opted to grab at your hair as you broke down. Curling up into a ball you tried to calm yourself down, not wanting him to come home to see you like this and get angrier. It took hours for you to just calm down cause everything in the house and about it reminded you of him, him and his abyssal eyes, and his deceiving smile.

How could such an adorable puppet be so cruel and evil? You laid back on your bed tired after the panic attack you just had, tears still rained down your face but not as much as before… You wanted home you wanted this nightmare to end, you grabbed a pillow and hugged it cuddling around it imagining it was someone you trusted and loved. You closed your eyes, clinging to the pillow as you drifted off to sleep wanting nothing more than to go back home. Away from him… You wanted home…

Wally walked to the woods, he had seen your breakdown unknown to your knowledge he was mad to say the least but like Frank said ‘pets take some time to get used to a new environment after they been taken away from everything they’ve ever known’. Of course Wally didn’t see you as a pet but like he said he had to ask in a non-conspicuous way, Wally saw you more as his boyfriend and his future husband and already had the wedding day imagined perfectly in his head to every last detail. From the suits, you two would wear to where exactly the venue would be, yes some... Would say this was obsessive behavior and a far reach from the current state of mind you had, but he knew one day you would fall for him and his charms and you would show him that adoring smile he fell in love with at first sight.

Wally was willing to do anything to see that smile and for you to stop trying to escape him, he had plans for if you continued this game but it seemed for now you had come to realize you can’t escape from him or escape out of Home. Speaking about one of his best friends, Home was so helpful with keeping you inside and making sure you didn’t escape. He was glad that his best friend was helping him with you, Wally couldn’t wait for you to finally calm down and become happy cause he really wanted to show you to his friends, so that his vision of your wedding could happen with all his friends. He got so lost in the thought of you and you finally being happy that he didn’t see his friends Until his other best friend Barnaby grabbed his collar. “Whoa, there buddy is your head in the clouds or something?” The tall blue dog puppet spoke as it picked up Wally by the back of his collar, Wally flushed up realizing he completely ignored his friends by accident. You see Wally had planned a picnic with his friends today, and that's why he had to leave the house. “Oh sorry Barnaby my head was lost in the clouds!” He chuckled embarrassed as Barnaby placed him down and walked back to where the others were.

Wally saw his other friends Frank, Eddie, Poppy, and Julie all talking and laughing until they saw Wally and Barnaby to which they all said hello and waved at them, Wally waved back with a smile on his face. “Sorry I didn’t realize I passed you guys my head was stuck in the clouds!” He said apologetically. “It’s okay Wally! What were you thinking about?” Julie asked excitedly her voice filled with enthusiasm, Wally thought about what to say exactly since he didn’t want to give away your existence but he also wanted to tell his friends about you and how beautiful and handsome you were. “Well, I was just thinking about… Uh, a new painting!” He said smiling, everyone seemed really interested since they all loved his paintings and drawings. “Really what were you thinking about painting?” Asked Eddie.“You know an apple maybe a butterfly maybe both!” Wally said smiling, glad they weren’t taking suspicion in him. “What about your new pet you asked me about yesterday?” Frank said, Wally slightly tensed he was glad he asked Frank but also regretted it cause he knew Frank would do this… Hopefully, the Butterfly loving person didn’t question any more than he should… “yeah I should! That’s a good idea!” Wally said so he didn’t draw any suspicion, it seemed as if everyone was confused… Wally has a pet? “You have a pet what type? It is a dog, a cat, or a fish?” asked Poppy, Wally realized his mistake about bringing up a pet… now he had to think of what type of pet he would have. “Oh uhm… It’s a… It’s a dog!” He said smiling happily, Julie and Barnaby seemed to be ecstatic about it asking many questions about the fake animal which wally answered and kept the information he made up about it stored in his head so he could make the painting he told them he was planning to make. Though Wally was now getting suspicious of Frank cause Frank seemed like he didn’t truly believe Wally, Wally brushed it off for now knowing Frank wouldn’t dig any deeper… Would he?

After the bombard of questions Julie and Barnaby relaxed again and started to talk about normal neighborly things while Wally’s mind was stuck on the thought of you as he talked to them, he couldn’t wait to go home and see your sleeping form or your pretty eyes as you stared at him when he walked into the bedroom with you awake. He just hoped you weren’t trying to escape again and that Home was making sure you weren’t leaving anytime soon. You were stuck with him, you were stuck forever in Home, you were stuck in this realm with him. You were stuck and destined to soon fall in love with him, you were stuck….

And he couldn’t be happier!

Although he kept in mind that he had to keep an eye on Frank in order to keep you and make sure you’re not gonna escape, for Frank was getting too suspicious… But little did he know… He should also keep an eye on Barnaby.

@morallygreyhound, @grungedemon, @orquydia, @kodasstar , @itsawildsaltychip, @yippeeboi , @bombshellbella , @bloodblossomtree , @shaggy-carpet , @fake-it-25 , @eddwardtheseventhspacewizard , @r4ggedy-andy , @random-theater-kid , @kayssweetdreams , @animedestler, @zeroplay-69, @n1mble , @salems-apiary, @magno-13, @lucialaotakuxd, @loveolgy, @fufawa , @penisbanger , @callmenobodythehoe, @dragonea, @funbugz , @vato-moo , @h0n3y-f1ll3d-g1ng3rbr3ad-man , @emohaircutstumblur , @puppetskulls, @drc00l4tt4 , @artistesimp, @hatmekindsirr, @sirenafterdark , @flwerdeath , @wxntcl, @emerald-dream , @lurkingposting, @syrupnscones, @gay-and-random-shit-i-can-find, @bread-samdwich , @tremendouskingcherryblossom @floof-boop , @thewisteriarchives, @the-reaper-of-souls @justaconfusedorganism @theoats420 , @fuck-bitches-get-milk , @looneytunestime , @aoniv, @mangle5, @lurkerintheabyss , @judos-tavern , @good-from-all-sides , @buttertoast432 , @obeepboop , @s0ggyrats

[httpshoney]

jungwon has always been observant.

no one could catch the glances he’d take in your direction, they were quick and discreet and he usually conceal a smile that forms on his face whenever he catches you staring out the window with your mouth agape, or when your head is hanging low as an attempt to catch a nap from all the cheerful activities you do.

you were the sunshine of their class, your presence alone made it hard for everyone to go on their day adorning a frown. jungwon has always been amazed by your consistency and failure to show other emotions than joy and calm. to them, to him– you happen to be the best person they’ve encountered. his mind would wander during the afternoons when he heads straight to hybe, the thoughts of you and sunoo meeting keeps him preoccupied and it never fails to leave a grin on his face.

he wasn’t in love with you, not yet. it’s just that, you frequent his mind more than he expected.

those were the words he’d repeatedly mumble, a mantra to convince himself that the flower in his heart hasn’t bloomed to his favorite feeling but there was no denying when he wants to see your vulnerability and stay with you, the same way you did when you caught him in the middle of a breakdown on the school’s rooftop. he became a firm believer that during his breakdown on the rooftop, you would break down too if he wasn’t there.

you were all smiles and laughter, you were the warmth of their class but surely your cheeks would hurt from all those smiling and laughter and if they did, could it be that you were shivering inside?

the day when you became all he can think of, jungwon wanted to be your safe place, just like you were his. the fast paced environment he’s settling in was too much in most occasions, the numbing pressure of being on his toes 24/7 to make sure their group’s name is void of dirt, and the fact that his current social status became a threat to his mental health– jungwon was more than relieved to know you.

but now that graduation is around the corner, there was added pressure to keep you in his life. he didn’t want you to be a part of his past only where he can only talk about you in past tense. he wanted to keep you in the present and in the future. so he frantically observed you on the day of their graduation.

his eyes were almost fixated on you, he followed your movements and looked if you were around any family members because in that case, it would be hard for him to finally talk to you.

shockingly, despite being each other’s company countless times. Neither of you initiated a conversation, your moments together were filled with pushing banana milk to one’s side to comfort them and the silence did all the talking. his fingers fidget and his throat felt too dry for his liking, god… he never felt this nervous when performing. was getting someone’s number this hard? jungwon never knew that it was this hard, he suddenly thought of his previous admirers who had the courage to ask for his number– and suddenly felt bad that he never gave it to them.

jungwon is observant, he’s alert and in whatever situation he’s in. he’ll always notice every movement, but maybe because it was hot in the auditorium, or maybe because his hyungs were there but jungwon never noticed you walking up to him.

“jungwon?” you watched as he flinched, shocked at the sudden intrusion that put all of his thoughts to rest. you felt bad, from where you were, you noticed all of his fidgeting and figured that he was overthinking. you were sure he was overthinking, from the moments you spent with each other on the rooftop; the furrowing of his brows, although very minimal and the nibbling of his bottom lip were all you needed to know that his mind was going haywire.

“y/n from your class, figured you might have forgotten my name.. are you okay?”

jungwon isn’t in love, not yet. right? but when you asked him how he’s feeling, he knew you picked up all of his mannerisms. jungwon is in love. he really is.

he never forgot your name even when you’ve never fully introduced yourself to him, and the thought of you holding a conversation with him excites him. he felt his blood rush to his face, his hands were sweating;

“can i have your number?”

[riality-check]

daisy jones-adjacent au. part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. tw substance abuse, ptsd, references to past torture (canon, the russians.) part 7.

ao3

Writing the album is, somehow, the easy part, even after Steve put his foot in his mouth.

He had his suspicions, but he shouldn't have asked that. It was a dick move, and he's been trying not to be a dick for the past few years. So, he apologized and didn't bring it up again.

Eddie softened after that. Like he wasn't expecting Steve to apologize. He accepted it, and things have been good since.

Well, more than good, if Steve's being honest. Things have gotten a lot better since.

He's noticed a few things, even after their permanently discontinued game of "truth or truth." Mostly, the things Steve has noticed have been about Eddie, like:

He laughs at the dumbest things.

He quotes books and movies constantly.

He has an accent that he masks unless he's tired.

He hates strong smells.

He deflects by becoming bigger.

There's more. A lot more that Steve has noticed, but listing everything about Eddie's brilliance and stubbornness, his courage and obnoxiousness, his gorgeous face and sharp tongue would take all day. Steve has noticed a lot over these few weeks spent hunched over instruments and notebooks at his house, and he thinks Eddie has noticed him in return.

He hopes so.

It's been a long time since Steve has wanted to be noticed beyond the superficial adoration of fans. It's been a long time since Steve has wanted to be known.

There are a plethora of reasons for why that's a bad idea. Steve is able to forget them momentarily when he sees Eddie smile.

All too soon, after far too long, they're done writing. They start recording, and that is the hard part.

It always is. There's always something wrong with the levels or slightly out of tune, or someone sneezes right into the mic on the first good take. There's things that work and things that don't, and, always, songs on paper that have to get fixed before they can be songs on the radio.

The album has good bones, though. It's angry and hopeful and scared and sad and triumphant. It's music, it's art, it's life.

And once they can make it work, it's going to be great.

That's what Steve is doing now. Making it work. He's awake at 4 AM on a Tuesday, sitting at a piano and trying to rework the bass line to stop it from clashing so much with the melody.

The only good thing about this situation is that he's made it to seventy three hours awake for the first time, courtesy of a well-timed line right before he got to work.

If it keeps working, he might trash the pills entirely.

He plays the introduction to the song again on his right hand and starts adding low notes on his left. As it is, it sounds empty. To much distance. But if he raises it a fourth-

"Steve?"

He freezes, fighting back against the instinct to jump away from the piano like a kid caught with his hand in a cookie jar. He forgot that the band has been crashing at his house - it's close to the studio and he has the rooms to spare - and because he forgot that he wasn't alone, he failed to remember that most people aren't awake at this hour, nevermind working.

So, he calmly turns around to see Eddie, in pajamas, standing in the doorway, blinking sleep out of his tired eyes.

Steve swallows and hopes that Eddie is too tired to catch him openly staring.

"What are you doing?" Eddie whispers.

"Reworking something," Steve says. "Trying out something different for the bass line in Envy, the one that's giving us trouble."

Eddie covers his mouth to yawn. "Couldn't sleep?"

Steve wonders when the last time he thought that was a bad thing was.

"I can be quieter," he says. "I was just trying to fix this. But that can wait until morning."

"Steve," Eddie says, and he's got that look on his face.

Steve hates that look.

Eddie looks at him like he can see inside his skull, inside his heart, and read his DNA letter by letter. He looks at him like he can see everything about Steve: past, present, and future.

And there's pity in every second of it.

Steve can't stand pity.

"I just- I gotta see the whole picture, you know?" he continues so Eddie doesn't get to voice that pity. "And you guys all have your instruments, but piano gives me everything. I can play the bass and the guitar and sing and- I'm just able to get it better that way. Where are you going?"

Eddie is almost out the door again. "I- I can't be here, Steve."

"Why? Are you tired? You can go-"

"You're high, and I know that if you offer me something, I won't say no."

Oh.

"Eddie, I wouldn't-"

"And even if you don't, if you take something in front of me, I know I'll ask for some," he says, like it's a fact, the same way the sky is blue.

"I'm not- I wouldn't do that to you," Steve says. No point in denying that he's high, not when they both know it. "I wasn't- I'll get off the piano. I'll read, or, well, reread something instead."

He gestures aimlessly at the bookshelf on the wall near the door. It's crammed full of recommendations from Dustin and Robin and Erica and Nancy. All of them have been read at least once, most of them twice.

"You like to read?" Eddie asks.

"No, I hate it," Steve says, completely genuinely.

Eddie huffs out a quiet laugh. "I will never understand you."

"I know."

Because that's the thing. No one can understand it, can understand him, unless they were in Hawkins, Indiana, too. Unless they saw what he did. Unless they signed the same NDAs. Unless they fought the same monsters and went to the same other world and endured the same things.

Eddie, like most other people, will never be able to understand.

So, his smile fades as he stands there in the doorway, confused.

"I like stories, but I hate reading," Steve explains. "I just do it to fill-"

"I can read to you."

Steve stops mid-word. "What?"

"If you want to hear the story without reading," Eddie says. "I like reading. I can read to you."

Steve has spent seventy four hours, at this point, awake. He is sitting at a piano bench at 4 AM on a Tuesday, high on cocaine, and is staring at a hot guy his age who, over the past few weeks, has alternated between seemingly hating him and smiling that smile.

Forgive him for making the stupid decision to say-

"Okay."

Eddie smiles, though it's tired. He takes a book from the shelf at random and walks out the door. Steve has no choice but to follow, back to the guest room Eddie has taken as his own.

Eddie turns on the bedside lamp and lays down underneath the rumpled sheets.

"Come on," he says, patting the space next to him. "I don't bite."

"You sure?" Steve jokes, but he climbs on alongside him, careful not to touch.

He really wants to touch.

He's not thinking straight.

Eddie cracks the book open and starts reading in a low whisper.

Steve can barely understand what he's saying, but that doesn't matter. What matters is Eddie's voice, quiet and rough and breathy. What matters is Eddie's voice, steady and soothing.

It's nice. It's really nice.

Steve finds himself curling up, closer and closer, until his head is on Eddie's chest.

His eyes slip closed at hour seventy-five.

And the next thing he knows, he's standing with his back to a corner, holding a metal, foldable music stand in front of him, with a voice hoarse from screaming.

Clearly, he fell asleep.

Fantastic.

Sometimes, he's able to tell what the nightmare was before he actually remembers it. It's all in the little habits he's developed.

When he finds himself checking to see if all his fingernails are still attached to his hands, blinking nonexistent blood out of his left eye, and still murmuring Robin's name, he knows that this one had to be about the Russians.

And then the memory of the bone saw, of the screaming, of taking hit after hit after hit crashes into him so hard he almost doubles over.

He reminds himself he's safe. That he's unharmed. That Robin is safe in her dorm at UCLA. That they never got Dustin or Erica.

That all of this is fucking useless.

He's gotten it all out. He's written song after song about all of it, all of the monsters and the fighting and the fear and the good in spite of it all. He writes and plays and sings close enough to all of it to almost break the NDAs.

And none of it is of any use at all because, years later, Steve still can't fucking sleep.

He swallows. Swallows again. Tries to breathe, even if it's in the form of great, heaving gasps.

And that's when he realizes that Eddie is standing right in front of him. Clearly confused, clearly terrified.

This is why, though he can never understand Steve, he shouldn't know him, either. This is why Steve can't reach out and touch.

Because even if he could explain it to Eddie, even if he would lie and say he believed him and understood, no one wants someone who can't make it through a night without waking up at least three times. No one wants to have to calm someone down from weekly screaming fits brought on by the back of their eyelids.

"Get out," he says.

"Steve," Eddie says, and there's that pity again.

Steve can't stand pity.

"Get out!" he shouts, heedless of the fact that he's probably waking everyone else up, that this is the room Eddie is staying in.

He can go to Steve's room. Everything in there is hidden, so he can't break his sobriety unless he snoops.

Steve hopes he doesn't snoop. He doesn't want to drag Eddie down to where he's at.

Eddie nods and makes his way to the door. Before he leaves, he stops and looks back.

"I don't know what you're running from," he whispers. "But when it catches you-"

"What?" Steve snaps.

"Let someone know."

If Steve were in a better state of mind, he'd ask what the hell that meant. But he's shaking and tired, so goddamn tired, that he watches Eddie go.

He sits on the floor, in the corner, still holding the music stand. The sun is up. It streams through the windows along with the sounds of birds chirping.

And Steve wonders how he's supposed to live the rest of his life like this.

He makes it an hour before he falls asleep sitting up on the floor. He makes it two more before he wakes himself up again, checking his fingernails.

[orange-demons-deactivated2024]

we all love avatar/bosch, but i offer you avatar/ed as a concept, because i'm deep in the ship trenches

Ohh! Avatar/Ed is such an interesting ship. and srry for the wait! I didn't forget about you I swear! I honestly thought he would have more fics on tumblr because of how popular he is. And here I thought Bosch was the underappreciated one. Dude barely has 5 fics to his name. Also I didn’t know if this was a statement or a request, so I present you with some headcanons. Enjoy!

Ed doesn't want civilians getting caught in his fight to free people from Shadaloo's experiments. So he tells you that if you stay with him you may regret it.

He's quite distant and cocky when he talks to people, so expect some push back when you try to get close to him.

That's kind of expected when he tells you to get lost after you reached your full mastery with him.

He doesn't care about who you used to be or if you have regrets about the past, he only cares about the version of you in front of him. The You now.

His friends are important to him, they're like his family, so he would want you to be on good terms with them before he continues the relationship.

He hides most of his feelings behind a wall, but when he finds people he cares about Ed will develop a soft spot for them.

He's one of those people who can take a punch better than he can take a hug.

But that doesn't mean he'll push you away if you decide to be affectionate with him. He'll tense up at first, then he'll relax once he realizes you aren't a threat.

Ed would want you to meet Balrog someday, and meet the man that shaped him to be who he is. Well...he'll bring you to him whenever Ed decides to reach out to him.

Every person who wields Psycho Power uses it in a way to enhance their own individual skill. So he'll work with you to help you find your unique style to the best of his ability.

As your master and potentially your future bf, he wants to make sure you're not using Psycho Power all willy-nilly. It's dangerous and he doesn't want you to get seriously hurt, despite you telling him you can handle yourself.

His observation skills are sharp so he can pick up small things about you that you probably haven't noticed about yourself. Like habits or certain mannerisms.

So he can tell when you really want something when your eyes linger on it for a split second longer. Which he ends up getting for you because he likes to see you smile.

Ed can also see when you want to be affectionate with him in public. He saw you catching glances at his hands when walking beside him. But you tucked your hands in your pockets after a while of contemplating. He reluctantly offered his hand to you, because as much as he hates PDA he likes you more.

He still has nightmares every so often that makes him wake up in a cold sweat, so please hug him and tell him everything's fine.

In SF6 there are hints of corruption in his KO win pose where he laughs manically. He snaps out of it fairly quickly when you point it out and gets ashamed for letting his emotions get the best of him.

As much as a hard ass he is, he appreciates it if you check up on him just like he does with you.

Like that fortune teller said, Ed is scared of losing himself and turning into something else. Would you even recognize him?

He does get concerned if he hasn't heard from you in a while, which prompts him to go on a full-blown search. Even if you don't think it isn't a big deal, he does. So he wants to make sure you're okay.

If you're not feeling well mentally, he'll lend his ear to you. He has his fair share of rough days, but if there's anything he can do to relieve some of your stress he'll do it.

On the flip side, he doesn't want to pick fights with you but it sometimes happens when he gets frustrated. Ed has a lot of burden on his shoulders and it doesn't help if you're always sticking your nose in dangerous situations all the time.

He cares, he really does. It's just that he doesn't want anything bad to happen to you.

Falke would knock some sense into him if he ever goes too far and forces him to apologize to you. Makes him get on his knees and everything.

Balrog was his unofficial official father figure so Ed picked up on some of his habits later on in life. Good and bad. And his inability to show his emotions without it turning into frustration is one of them.

He'll try to tone it down for you in the future, but it is something he's going to have a hard time with, especially since he's already having an internal conflict with himself on a daily basis.

There are 2 types of kisses I can see him giving: short and abrupt or long and passionate. It depends on his mood and if he's in public. He would hate to be seen as that couple who can't stop locking lips at the train station. He'll get embarrassed.

He would also want to spar against you and help you fix your form when you're off balance. As mean as it sounds, he'll make you fall on your ass and tell you to do it again. In his head, he's teaching you how to be a better fighter. But if it gets too much, tell him. And he'll adjust his demeanor towards you.

Like those cheesy romcoms. Ed would give you his oversized jacket when it got too cold outside. But don't tease him too much about it because he'll threaten to take it back. He won't.

Ed roams freely at night, so most of your dates will consist of street food and fighting. He also likes to go to the movies with you and watch those shitty horror movies whenever he has downtime.

But ultimately, he's never in one place for too long. And if you want to keep in contact with him, you better like long-distance relationships.

Because of the distance, he'll call you at least once a day no matter where he is, because he wants to hear your voice. How's it been? Are you doing okay? Any assholes giving you shit? Etc.

But similar to his father, if things get too dangerous on his end, he'll contemplate cutting you off from his life.

He's the type of lover who genuinely wants the best for you, with or without him.

[girl4music]

Sometimes I cry at the sheer audacity of this moment. Then I sit in thoughtful silence and smile at how fitting it is. How right it is that she would be the only other owner of it. The only other worthy of being its owner.

I do wonder though that if the dark chakram had never been neutralised, would Gabrielle have been able to wield it at all? Because as far as we know the only characters that can both catch and throw it are Xena, Callisto and Eve. But you never see proof that Eve could have thrown and caught the dark chakram on account of she wasn’t born when it was neutralised with the light chakram. You just take it on faith that Eve would have been able to due to her being Callisto reincarnated and, obviously, Xena’s biological daughter. So therefore it makes me wonder…

Was Gabrielle the true owner of the light chakram? Could she also have been able to pick it up without burning to cinders? Because let’s be frank about this…

Xena had lost her sense of self when she picked it up off the altar in the Tao temple. She didn’t know who she was. She was a blank slate. It was the altar’s creator that recognized her as the owner of the dark chakram, which allowed her to be able to pick the light chakram up. But odds are that she wouldn’t have been able to wield it without it being neutralised anyway. But given the fact that Gabrielle could wield the yin-yang chakram, I think it’s very fucking possible she was the owner of the light chakram instead of Xena.

I mean regardless of how intertwined Xena and Gabrielle were in past, present and future… I don’t think Gabrielle could have ever instinctively been able to wield the yin-yang chakram if she wasn’t already the owner of at least half of it. The light half of it. And I would go as far as to say that that's how she was able to. Because she always could. She just never knew it.

And had Tapert gotten his spin off show of ‘Gabrielle: Warrior Princess’ he would have explored this subject.

It could simply be that the reason Gabrielle could wield the yin-yang chakram instinctively was because Xena could, and Xena - the body - was no longer around but the soul’s essence lived on in Gabrielle. That’s cute and all but that doesn’t really explain it.

What could is that she was always the owner of it. But it took meeting and being with Xena in that lifetime for her to come to the reality where she would wield it. We always talk about how essential it was for Xena to meet Gabrielle for her to change the way that she did. But I say it was just as essential for Gabrielle to meet Xena because Gabrielle wasn’t who she was meant to be either without her, and certainly wouldn’t have become the exceptional warrior she ended up as.

Soulmates or ‘one soul in two bodies’, as I refer to it…

It means so much more than just the relationship factor. It’s all about how it affects the individual as well. All about how one changes because of the other. Which is why I always say that there’s got to be more than one soulmate for everyone. However Plato would disagree with me on that. And in a Greek background, it’s only appropriate that Xena and Gabrielle are the one and only half for each other - as the story goes…

But it’s just something to think about that it isn’t just because of THAT why Gabrielle could wield the yin-yang chakram. Perhaps it was that she was always meant to but would have never gotten to the point of doing so without meeting, travelling with and falling in love with the true owner of the dark chakram. Xena.

Maybe - just maybe - the yin-yang chakram is symbolic for the journey that these two individuals go on together because both of them are the owners of it BOTH when it was neutralised AND when it wasn’t.

Think about it. It makes more sense than you realize.

[hotxcheeto]

Hi!! Could you do a Ellie x female!reader and reader is Ellie’s best friend and she is with Ellie when she goes with Joel and it’s basically them traveling all the way to Wyoming but the closer they get there the more the reader realizes that she likes Ellie. Sorry if it’s confusing

━ 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄, 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑

𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜(𝙨) - Ellie Williams x Fem!Reader

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 - Cursing, fluff, slight angst in third flashback, happy ending, ellie being a little jealous

𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙛𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 ? - Yeah/Nope

𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚 - ily ty for requesting!! so sorry I took so long, but y'know me :)

*Italics = The past

☼ PART TWO ☼

Laying awake at night was normal for the both of you.

Especially as adults. You'd learned to never take the peace for granted.

Another night in the dark with the TV quietly playing, Ellie messing with your shirt hem while her fingertips tickled your hip. Your head resting on her chest while you drifted in and out of sleep.

Her eyes were focused forward on the movie that you'd gotten bored with, your mind melting as you fought with your eyes trying your best to keep them open.

But your mind kept wandering back to someone as you did.

You had known her for so long, and so much had changed.

Many people say that no matter what happens, friendships stay the same. But they don't, yours didn't, yours became more, but sometimes they do stay the same. And a lot of times they become less.

You must of been one of the lucky ones.

Time passes and people change, and you were sure that you and Ellie had. You knew you had, because looking back at those girls you were before weren't the women you were now.

You'd never be those kids again, not exactly. You could still see them within both of yourselves, but it would never be the past, and you guys weren't in the future. It was now, the present, the time in which you got to remember what had happened and think about what could happen.

You liked to think about how you got here, Ellie never really cared to, she liked to laugh at memories once in a while. But you looked passed those. You looked at everything. You remembered most of it.

Oh how simple the time, you thought.

How simple the mission.

Nothing was simple then, you weren't sure you even knew what that word meant as a kid.

"Do you really think there's a cure?"

You asked her quietly, still unsure of Tess and Joel's belief in Ellie's bite. Looking over at your bestfriend, you noticed her staring at the ground. The girl shrugging while looking up at the dark and decrepit buildings that surrounded your group of four.

"There's gotta be, right?" "What if they're lying?" "Then fuck them."

Tess and Joel glanced back at you both, watching your shoulders brush from walking too close. Your eyes were scanning the area for danger while hers admired the nature.

But neither of you strayed far from the other.

"I know you don't trust the fireflies and you know I don't either, but a little optimism won't kill you." You giggled at her song-like way of speaking, shaking your head.

"Everything out here can kill you."

Tess smiled at you both, looking forward as to not get caught listening in on your conversation. But she didn't stop, Joel catching her glancing back every now and again.

"Whoa, look." Ellie then tugged on your arm making you look up at the two nearly collapsed buildings you'd been approaching, but now they were directly above you.

The sight made you a bit queasy, looking at them haphazardly leaning against each other.

"That's so fucking cool." "What if they fell?" Tess snickered, turning to meet Joel's eyes with a smile. "They won't Y/n/n, you walking through here isn't gonna magically make them collapse."

"I have bad luck." You huffed.

"I know, that's why you have me." Playfully, you shoved her shoulder, following the adults into an area that led to the building.

"Are you gonna save me from the falling skyscraper?"

"Yep."

"My knight in shining armor."

You spoke sarcastically, entering the falling framework that made noise when you all began to walk.

"It's unstable, but it won't fall or at least I hope." He mumbled the last part to himself, but you heard it, and it didn't make you feel better.

"Just be careful where you walk." Joel finished off, turning his flashlight on. "I hate this already." You muttered, accidentally bumping into him from stumbling due to your nerves.

"Sorry." "You're fine, just watch where you're going."

Tess then laid a comforting hand on your shoulder, Ellie watching from just behind.

"Try not to overthink the noises, these buildings are old. They like to tell you, just like an old man likes to tell stories." You laughed, watching her walk off like she's done this a thousand times, and in your mind she probably had.

"You okay?" You walked forward, turning to Ellie. "Yeah, just... I really hate this-" The building shifted, desks rolling further down hill then they already had, fear entering your heart while you squeezed Ellie's a arm that you'd grabbed in a panic.

"Oh fuck me- fuck." You let go, taking in a deep breath.

"Sorry." "Don't be, I'm pissing my pants." You let out a strangled noise that resembled amusement.

"No way, you don't look scared, like, at all." "Yeah, no way, this thing starts screaming again I might freak the fuck out."

She wasn't scared, not like she'd made it seem, but watching you let out a breath of relief and a chuckle was enough for her to keep up the charade.

"Here, if it makes you feel better." You looked at her outstretched hand, taking it with almost no hesitance. Butterflies in your stomach but you were sure it was because you were embarrassed, looking into her eyes that showed assurance.

"I'm so lame, Ellie." She snorted. "So am I."

You never noticed her blush because of the darkness, not even now did you know that the entire time you went through that place, Ellie was internally dying.

You still hated tall buildings like that though, that was something you did know and that never changed, something about them gave you a feeling you hated.

Not from the outside, it was the inside that made you worry. But Jackson was basically flat, the tallest buildings outside of the watch towers were maybe three stories, and those were rare.

You smiled to yourself, Ellie's hand having let go of your shirt and moved to fully rest on your hip. Her palms cold compared to your warm skin covered by the comforter and the fabric of your top.

The building on the screen then exploded making you think again, shifting so that you were fully sprawled across her body. Closing your eyes at this point while the flames of the screen turned the room bright orange.

Loud boom after loud boom, it was kind of strange knowing a lot of the noises resembled those of your young life. How they sounded so fake on screen because you knew in actuality if someone was so close to that many bombs they'd be deaf by now.

Or at least close to it.

"Ever wonder how they survive all that?" Ellie muttered, hugging you tight against her body. "Read my mind." You smiled, a hum coming from her mouth.

"Reminds me of Bill." You grinned this time, sitting up and looking at her. "I wonder what he's up to nowadays." "Probably being his same old pissy self." Ellie said in annoyance, ignoring the fact that you'd found her comments funny.

"I wish he would've came with us. As weird as he was." "Yeah, cause the people here would've loved him." You squeezed her cheeks together, kissing her lips.

"I wouldn't complain too much Ells, you kind of remind me of him." Ellie scoffed, staring at you in disbelief. "Tell me you're fucking around." "I dunno, you give me doomsday prepper vibes. In your olden age, I could see you being a paranoid basement dweller."

Ellie grabbed the back of your head, forcing you to lay back down while listening to your laughter. Fighting back a smile on her own face.

"I'll still love you, don't worry." "Yeah, sure." "I'm serious!"

Bill, you remembered Bill. Who wouldn't?

Basement dweller Bill, it's most likely what he was before, you couldn't blame him though. If anyone was right, it was Bill, surprisingly.

The town was pretty incredible, all that work shown off in places most wouldn't see in time. But Joel could, it's like he knew right where he'd find each one.

Leaving was both a relief and a pain.

Hell, all to get a truck battery, but it shortened the trip so you didn't huff and puff too much. You rarely huffed and puffed at all actually, Ellie always surprised at how calm you were when you were pissed off or frustrated.

"Now your "friend" might be missing this tonight." You glanced over, seeing something you still wish you hadn't. Smacking your hands over your eyes.

"Now, Ellie that ain't for kids." "Whoa! That thing is huge! Y/n/n, look! How does he walk around with that thing?" "Get rid of that." Joel reached back but Ellie dodged him, nearly hitting you with the magazine. "Hold your horses, I just wanna see what all the fuss is about."

Ellie looked over at you, cackling at your reaction.

"El, that's so gross. Throw that away." "What? You don't find him sexy?" She shook it at you, making you shake your head. "Absolutely not. Ellie I swear to God, throw that away or we're never gonna be friends again."

"Alright, alright. Oh, why are these pages stuck together?" You gagged, slapping her side as you knew she understood exactly why.

But you had to admit, hearing him try to stutter out a response made you snort. Covering your face while looking at Joel trying to avoid a glance backwards in fear you'd both see his flustered face more than you could hear it in his voice.

"I'm just fucking with you both." She reached over you, making you old your breath in surprise while held the window switch.

"Bye, bye dude." She then yelled, throwing the magazine out the window, the rain sprinkling against your cheeks as the window slowly went back up.

"So, not your type?" Ellie asked, leaning against your shoulder while smiling at you playfully.

Joel was far too invested in his music, ignoring you both and probably thinking his usual grumpy thoughts.

"Definitely not." Ellie stuck her bottom lip out, nodding. "What is your type?" "Not him." Laying her chin on your shoulder, Ellie examined the side of your face, looking at your face that was turned towards the rain covered window.

The trees passed quickly in your irises, eyelids fighting to not close as you wanted to enjoy the car ride as much as humanly possible.

It was your first time inside a vehicle, maybe your last, you didn't want to let it go to waste.

"Do you miss the QZ?" She quietly asked, sitting up and kicking her feet. "Not really. I like it out here. As scary as it gets. It feels free." You turned your head, taking in a deep breath.

"What about you?"

"No, especially school. Fuck that place." "I liked my friends there, Layla was pretty cool."

If the myth that your eyes would get stuck from rolling them too much was real, Ellie's would be completely still for the rest of her life because of that girl.

"No she wasn't, she was annoying." You groaned, rolling your head so that you dramatically fell against her body, feeling her shake from laughing.

"No, you're just dramatic." "She had a crush on you." You felt yourself heat up, looking back towards the glass pane. "She did not, you're just jealous I had a friend that liked talking about my romance novels."

Pouting, the girl grumbled a complaint out.

"I do like to listen." "Ellie, you complain, like, every time." "That doesn't mean I don't like it. I complain cause you like it too much." You shut your eyes, still leaning against her shoulder.

"So you balance me out, is what you're saying." "Well, yeah, someone needs to keep you realistic. Ow!" Ellie moved the arm you pinched, not noticing Joel looking at you both in the rearview mirror.

"What happened to optimism?" You asked, taking your head off her shoulder. "Oh, and by the way... I didn't like Layla either. I just like pissing you off." "Oh fuck off." You moved to lay down, resting your back against the truck door.

"What? You're hilarious when you're jealous." Ellie scoffed, opening and making a few noises in a failed attempt to deny her jealousy.

"No way. Jealous? Please." "You're extremely jealous. Don't worry, you're my best friend in the whole wide world."

You liked her smile, that shy one when you'd compliment her or be sweet to her. Like she didn't know how to react, so she'd grin and try to hide her face. Acting like you didn't notice.

It was your favorite smile of hers.

It still is, and you believed it always will be.

"Babe?" "Hm?" "Remember that small house, in the field outside of the wall, the one with the tall yellow grass." You nodded in the dark room, eyes blurred over while you watched the credits roll.

"The one with the rose bushes that I love. I know." You remembered the house, away from everyone else's just outside the walls and past a small patch of trees. It was a pretty house, it's outside reclaimed by nature and you found it beautiful

"The people living there just moved out, Elton and his wife, he said she wanted to spend the rest of her life inside the walls. Remembering what this place was." You smiled softly, looking at the dark screen, humming.

"Their kids are moved out, they want to be here with them."

"They're good people, they deserve to live out the rest of their lives in a good place."

"He asked me though... he asked me if we'd thought above moving into a real house. Since, y'know, we aren't exactly kids anymore." You moved, looking up at her, the screen flashing back to the movie's title screen and the option to exit or play the disc again.

It lit up her face, and you could see a glimpse of something in her eyes. Something bright, hopeful in your answer.

"What'd you tell him?"

"That I'd ask you."

You breathed out, looking away from her gaze and towards the window. Curtains blowing in the wind, the light breeze caressing your exposed skin.

"I think Joel will be slightly disappointed. He likes us living here. Besides I'm not gonna have a baking partner when you're gone anymore." Ellie shrugged, hand moving to lay on your neck, thumb rubbing small circles on your flesh.

"He can visit. So can we. We're not leaving forever. You can still make cupcakes with him." She smiled when she felt your body shake with silent amusement, looking down at your figure.

"We can tell him tomorrow, when we have dinner." "So that's a yes?" Eyes meeting, you grinned. "Of course it is."

A forever home.

Something neither of you had ever had until Jackson.

Showing up for the first time at the gates was like a fever dream, Joel seeing his brother again. Maria giving you a small tour meaning you got to see the homes. The people.

You'd fallen in love with the place knowing you had to leave.

The cure was still out there, or in maybe better spoken terms, right beside you.

But something about Jackson pulled you in. Like deep down, you knew this would be it, the end of the line. Especially from how Maria spoke about the place, the woman could reel you in.

Like she was doing to Ellie right now, sitting at a table with a fresh meal in front of them. But you weren't hungry, well you were, but for some reason you just couldn't yet. Still unsure the place was even real, or if you were hallucinating.

"Hey." A girl appeared beside you, an empty bowl in her hands that she set with the rest on the counter. "Came to eat with my dad, I swear he works here day and night so y'know, gotta take the time when I can."

You nodded, giving her a friendly glance.

"You eat?" "Not yet. Haven't decided whether or not I'm dreaming." She laughed, crossing her arms. "Sometimes I think I am. I seen the man and girl you came with. He your dad?" You shook your head.

"No, just a friend. So is she." "Really? By the way you two acted I thought you were dating." Your head snapped to look at her, wide eyes and a clear look of surprise on your face.

"Sorry, it was cute, I swear. The way she looks at you, constantly stepping closer, and the fact that she's staring at us right now. I just had to assume, sorry."

"I..." You felt Ellie's stare then, you felt it often but the fact that the girl was right made you want to take a peak. And that peak was correct, Ellie hurriedly looking away the moment you began to move.

"Told you. She totally likes you." "We're friends." You shrugged. "We keep an eye on each other, especially out there." The girl shook her head though, "No way, that look, those eyes? Psh, friends."

"Katie!" The girl turned, quickly huffing. "I gotta go, hopefully we'll see each other again. I'm Katie." "Y/n." "Awesome, see you later!"

The quiet felt overwhelming when she left, leaving you alone with the revelations that you weren't even sure you were believed.

"Who was that?" "Jesus." You jumped, Ellie walking up to you from the table that now sat Maria and a man.

"A girl, Katie, she was nice. Was telling me about... Jackson. The other kids." "Huh, she seemed... nice. Have you ate?" You opened your mouth to answer but Ellie already knew the answer, taking your hand and dragging you towards the kitchen area.

"I like this place." Watching as the bowl filled up with whatever soup they made, your stomach grumbled, scolding you. "Me too." "I bet it'd be cool to live here. Get your own room, bed. Have actual friends that could have sleepovers with you."

"Hey, we have sleepovers all the time." "We live together, in houses with holes in the roof. I'm talking actual fun, and not worrying about dying and huddling up for warmth so you don't lose fingers."

Ellie handed you the bowl, a slight frown on her face while grabbing a spoon.

"Besides, we'd live together here too, right? Just like back at the school. Roommates again, in less terrifying circumstances."

"Yeah, I guess." "Here we go." "What?"

You took the spoon from her, walking over to table while she stomped after you. Setting the bowl on the table.

"Are you seriously mad at me?"

"No Ellie, but you're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Being a dick because for once it isn't just me and you."

The guilt of those words hit you like a ton of bricks, instantly feeling awful. But you weren't lying, and you hated that you weren't lying.

You hated making her afraid, afraid you'd find someone else but it wasn't like you could change the way she felt. Change her insecurities, and if you could, you would in a heartbeat.

Ellie was afraid. Afraid of being alone.

"It will always be you, you're my best fucking friend. But there's other people in the world. I just wish you'd give them a chance as much as you gave me one."

"That's not fair. I-"

"Yes it is, Ellie. You've done it before. I'm not leaving so I'm not sure why you always get mad at me when I meet new people."

"It's not about new people it's-"

"What? What is it? I know you're scared, but I'm not like everyone else, I'm still here, you're stuck with me for good."

Ellie fingers looped around your own, feeling you squeeze in response. Silently asking her to answer you, the fire in your eyes dying out into a few low embers.

"It's stupid." She pulled back, gesturing to your food.

"You should eat." "And you should tell me the truth."

"What's wrong?"

The green in her eyes was glossy, avoiding you like the plague, pretending you weren't standing in front of her.

"Well.. tell me when you're ready. I guess."

Ellie was different in that moment, something about that conversation with Katie. You seen her different now that you weren't denying yourself and your feelings. You were denying she felt the same.

It gave you a clearer picture of yourself. A better picture of what was really happening and it made you want to cry.

"M'gonna go eat." You muttered, shuffling past her and taking the bowl. Walking off to sit with Maria, hiding the fact that in that moment something had shifted inside of both of yourselves.

Something changed, for the better or worse.

You didn't know then, but you did know now.

"We can get married." You muttered, trying your hardest to fight off the sleep that trying it's best to claim you. "Adopt four cats." You felt her shoulders shake as she laughed quietly, looking down at your slow blinking eyes staring at the wall.

"I mean I was thinking just one, but okay." You snorted, hiding your face in her warm chest, letting the feeling of exhaustion finally blanket over you. Thick like a comforter, heavy like the weight of the day.

"Two. Compromise." You said, muffled by her clothing. "Deal."

Ellie felt your breathing slow, your body slowly begin to twitch as you slipped into a comforting darkness. Clutching onto her body like she'd disappear.

"Love you, dork."

Silence. You were asleep.

"Yeah, seen that one coming."

But she wouldn't change it for the world.

[inkluvs]

fields of white clover

knight! steve harrington x fem!princess!reader

content warnings: time period discrepancies. cinderella reference kinda. royal au. steve is literally obsessed with you. hopper as a father figure. this is pretty much just world building.

summary: steve catches sight of you at a ceremony and finds you fascinating <3

a/n: posted 2 months or so ago originally (copy and pasting the original a/n bcos most of it still applies), i wanna thank @maddipoof for being my cheerleader n figuring out all of my incoherant thought with their super special decoder abilities <3 also @livingintheupsidedown ; @crappymixtape ; @ghostlyfleur ; @forevermoreharrington ; @theemporium ; and @beezywriting since they all read bits of it i was unsure about <3 also this is just the set up for future stuff and nothing really happens <3 it's just steeb being sorta head over heels for u <3

part one // series masterlist // taglist

You didn’t quite understand what you were doing with hundreds of nobles and servants around you. You knew what it was, of course, a ceremony; the kind you were required to be at to prepare you for your future, but you'd been spared any more details. It was funny, the way you’d been told that your presence was of the utmost importance this time in particular and still you had been given no details on why you had to be there, nor were you given details on why you couldn't sit in your regular seat. 

You normally wouldn’t mind it, the extent to which you’d been kept in the dark, but it would be helpful to know why there were so many pairs of leering eyes, staring at you like they were waiting for you to mess up. 

The majority of the time you had a choice. Whether or not you wanted to attend had always been an opportunity you'd chosen to take every time it had been offered. So much so that despite never having been taught about the process of swearing fealty in detail until you were fifteen, you’d been able to recite the oath at any given moment since the age of ten. 

Using your hand to shield your eyes from the sunlight, you noticed a man a couple of meters from you doing the same. He was tall, his hair a honey blonde in the sunlight. Something about him made him look ethereal despite not being able to see the details of his face. The way the light was reflecting off the metal of his armor and towards you, the direction shifting ever so slightly when he turned his torso gave him a sort of glow. There was a dull ache in the back of Steve's eyes. The throbbing only increased as he squinted, his eyelashes fluttering as he looked around. 

The way his curiosity seemed to heighten when he caught sight of you was similar to that of a child when they're told not to do something. It was the way he knew he shouldn't stare, that somebody would reprimand him later, but he couldn't help but think that there was something off about you. He didn’t know how he came to that conclusion, perhaps it was how out of place yet well-adjusted to your surroundings you seemed. It seemed like you’d done this before, so much so that you were bored. 

Steve couldn't if your uninterest intrigued him or offended him, maybe it was both, the irritation leading him to find curiosity in your nonchalance. He also couldn't tell why his train of thought was leading him there, maybe he was just as uninterested and you'd been the first person to openly display it, or maybe he simply found you that captivating. Something about the way you presented yourself was inherently enchanting to him. Suddenly, Steve from his thoughts, the whistle of the wind was no longer the only thing he could hear as heat rose to his cheeks.   

“Something catch your eye?” a familiar voice quipped. Steve shook his head quickly before shifting his attention to his surroundings, almost disoriented before he remembered where he was and what he’d been doing. He looked back to see who’d asked only to realize it was the face of a man he’d half recognized, not quite sure of his name. He turned back to you intending to only look for a second, but once again he ended up staring. The fact that you could so easily immerse him in you, the thoughts circling his mind of things unfamiliar and foreign to him, without even speaking to him was terrifying.  

Somehow, Steve composed himself enough to notice the king’s attempt to gather everybody's attention. In a matter of minutes, everybody had quieted down, waiting for the king to speak as the wind bit at their skin.   

The king took his stance next to you, standing tall above the crowd on the dais with the queen on his arm. He nodded once to the herald and looked across the crowd. The same routine as every ceremony.   

“My beloved subjects,” but you were new, “I am honored by your service and fealty. There is no prouder king than I, standing before you.” A lady in waiting possibly, “Time and again you have shown your strength, honor, and allegiance to your king, your royal family, and your country. You have my endless gratitude.” No, you’re too beautiful for a lady in waiting.

“But I would be doing us all a great disservice if I did not extend my thanks to my daughter,” a duchess, maybe, “The princess.” The king’s words echoed in the pavilion as the crowd muttered with uncertainty. He held his hand out to you, and you stepped forward hesitantly.

She’s the princess.

“The relentless devotion she has shown to our country and our people is beyond words. There is no greater love than that of your princess to her kingdom. I am certain she will be a most beloved queen, and as that time draws nearer, as does her coronation. Your next pledge shall be not only to me as your king but to her as your crown princess as well. I know you will all do well to honor your allegiance to her as she shall to you.”  

Everything seemed to come together in his mind at once, why you had looked so bored and why you struck him as different than anybody he’d ever met before. Now that he thought about it, you must’ve been to at least twenty of these ceremonies, each with a similar if not exactly the same speech and the same people. As much as he hated to admit it, Steve felt a stab of pity for you. He was only able to continuously attend such events since he had a choice, at least the majority of the time. And though he would never say it, out loud he still didn’t always enjoy every one he’d been to.    

And suddenly he was moving forward. He’d found himself lost in thought yet again, unaware of the fact that he'd been moving till somebody behind him bumped into him. His boots suddenly felt tight against the sole of his feet, his legs stiff as he fought the urge to turn around and leave. He wouldn’t do it of course, but somehow the thought of getting closer to you made him jittery. He flexed his palm before squeezing it into a fist, repeating the motion until his muscles became less tense.   

Steve couldn’t remember when he’d started this habit of sorts, just that it was now second nature to him, subconsciously flexing his hand and then squeezing it into a fist when he was trying to control himself or occasionally when he needed to focus. He was doing the latter now, still repeating the action as the leather heel of his boots sunk into the grass, the dirt muddy from rain the previous night. He stopped walking just as abruptly as he’d started, now a few inches from the dais.     

Steve looked at you again, except this time he was close enough to notice the slight pucker in your brow. The sunlight was no longer obstructing his vision as he saw you instinctively straighten your back with the weight of thousands of leering eyes. The pucker in your brow seemed to ease as the crowd dispersed, your eyes raking over the crowd until they caught sight of him staring back at you. Your lips twitched as you considered how you should respond before you decided on simply smiling at him. Steve mirrored your expression, and he felt a sudden sense of relief surging through him at your lack of reaction. It took him a moment to realize you were motioning him to come closer, and another minute for him to work up the courage to do so.  

You slowly lowered yourself off of the dais, praying that nobody was paying enough attention to you to notice before you landed on the ground. The grass crunched under your feet and you. Steve couldn’t tell how but you were more captivating up close. His eyes strayed to the curve of your lips, tracing the soft dip of your waist apparent in your kirtle.  

And suddenly, in a whirlwind of motion, you were gone. Steve looked around for the deep maroon of your dress, turning around until he noticed a scrap of the fabric left behind on the dais. He looked to his left and then his right before carefully pulling the cloth from the nail it had gotten caught on. Looping it around his wrist once, he tied a knot, just tight enough that it wouldn’t slip off. 

It wasn’t wrong, right? He intended to give it back to you, though he didn’t have the slightest clue when that was.  

- 

Steve’s back ached when he woke up. He didn’t know why, and he also didn’t know when he’d gotten back to his bed, but that was something to think about later. Instead, he was worrying about what he’d do with the shred of your dress, which was still on his wrist despite his tendency to move around in his sleep. 

“Are you up yet?” a familiar voice pierced through the momentary veil of silence in the manor. He sat up, fiddling with the fabric in an unsuccessful attempt to undo the knot he’d tied the previous day. Hopper saw the deep maroon of the fabric before he could hide it and Steve sucked in a breath through his teeth, waiting for his response. 

“How did you get that?” he paused. Steve opened his mouth to reply but Hopper's eyes went wide as he cut the boy off, “Tell me you didn’t steal it.” 

Steve shook his head almost instantly, appalled that the thought had even crossed the man's mind. Hopper seemed to deflate with relief. 

“I found it,” he explained vaguely. Hopper held back a laugh at the boy's unclear clarification.

“Yeah?” Steve nodded, “who’s is it?” 

And suddenly, over two decades' worth of barriers Steve had built around his vulnerability fell all at once. He looked at Hopper like a guilty little boy, like he’d accidentally dropped and shattered his mother's vase and he’d been caught near the scene. He looked at Hopper like he was scared of his potential response. The intensity of his gaze softened at the boy’s silence. He somehow seemed to understand Steve’s sensitivity regarding the subject.

“I found it on the edge of the dais,” he wasn’t technically lying. 

“You still aren’t answering my question,” Hopper said quietly. 

“You won’t be mad?” the man shook his head earnestly

“I found it at the ceremony yesterday,” Steve paused, thinking over his next words, “It’s from the princess’s dress, got torn on a screw” 

Somehow, when the words finally started falling from his tongue, they wouldn’t stop or slow down, the sentences he strung together becoming more rushed and incoherent with each passing one, the words toppling on top of one another and slurring in his throat as he recalled what had happened the previous day. 

“You should’ve seen her,” he trailed off, his eyes staring off into space as he smiled all fond. Hopper smiled at the boy’s lovesick demeanor, an odd sense of pride filling him with Steve’s vulnerability. It wasn't often that he opened up, so Hopper made sure to recognize it when he did.

“Are you going to give it back?” he prodded gently. Steve nodded.

“Next time I see her, yeah,” he replied, frowning as he did so. Steve hated the uncertainty of it all, the fact that he didn’t know when he’d see you next, or that he didn’t know what you wanted to say to him the previous day. He detested the spontaneity of it and the idea that he didn’t know the next time he’d bump into you, having been used to rigid rules and calculated decisions, yet Steve thought he could get used to it for you.

[50calmadeuce]

Ch. 14: The Dance

Warning: Mention of miscarriage. Some chapters have sex.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Top Gun: Maverick world, trademarked by Paramount Pictures Corporation. I do not claim ownership of the characters and the world that I am borrowing.

The story and situation I am creating are a work of my imagination and I do not ascribe them to official story canon. This work is for entertainment only and is not a part of the storyline.

I am not profiting financially from the creation and publication of this story, but I do hope it gives you happy thoughts.

These stories are my own, so please do not take them and use them for yourself without my permission. If you see them somewhere else, please let me know. :)

Lunch with Dr. Colson turned out to be both enjoyable and relaxing. In the course of the meal, he made an intriguing proposition, offering you a teaching position at the college should you ever decide to pursue an academic path. This suggestion certainly caught Jake's attention, sparking a lively conversation about potential future endeavors.

The conversation wrapped up outside the room where Dr. Colson was scheduled for his next presentation.

"Y/N, it's always a pleasure to work with you," he said, and the two of you shared a warm hug.

"You as well, Jason," you responded as you stepped back, appreciating the collegial and supportive atmosphere.

"That offer will always stand for you, Y/N," he reassured, opening the door to head into his next presentation. With that, he stepped inside, and the door closed behind him.

Once it was just the two of you again, Jake turned to you with an admiring look. "You've really made a name for yourself here, too," he observed, recognizing your professional accomplishments and the respect you commanded in your field.

"Don't ruin a good day, Jake," you cautioned, the hint of a smile perhaps betraying your mock sternness as you began walking towards the room for your next presentation.

He shrugged nonchalantly, a playful glint in his eyes. "I'm just saying," he defended lightly, his pace quickening to catch up to you, ensuring he stayed by your side.

Pausing in front of the door, you indicated its significance. "This is where I'll be giving my next presentation."

"I'll join you in a bit. I spotted something that mom might like," Jake mentioned, hinting at a brief detour.

"Okay. See you later then," you responded, your connection palpable even in the brief exchange.

After a swift kiss, you opened the door to enter the conference room, immersing yourself in the professional sphere awaiting you, while Jake ventured down the foyer, momentarily sidetracked by familial thoughtfulness.

You noticed Dorian on the stage, busily preparing for the presentation. "Dr. Seresin," he greeted upon spotting you, then his gaze shifted past you, a hint of curiosity in his tone. "No husband?"

"Oh, he's here. He had to go run and grab something," you replied as you walked down in between the aisle of chairs towards the stage.

As you made your way up the stairs and onto the stage, moving towards Dorian, he met your approach with a focused expression. "I was thinking we could do the same thing we did during the book promotion," he suggested, referencing a past successful collaboration.

You nodded, setting your tote down on a small table already equipped with water bottles. "Sounds good," you agreed, ready to replicate the effective dynamic you both had previously established.

As you adjusted a strand of hair with your left hand, Dorian's eyes caught sight of your wedding ring.

"You really are married," he remarked, a note of surprise in his voice.

You gave him a perplexed look, slightly taken aback by his comment. "I wouldn't make something like that up," you responded, affirming the truth of your marital status.

"It's just...it's just you weren't wearing it the other day," he explained, clarifying the root of his surprise.

"Well...that was the other day," you replied, subtly indicating that the situation had changed since then.

As people began to filter into the room for the presentation, you found yourself discreetly scanning the crowd for Jake, hoping to spot him among the attendees.

Turning back to Dorian, you shifted the conversation towards the logistics of the event. "Will we be answering questions and signing books at the end?" you inquired, preparing for the structure of the session ahead.

"Yeah, my assistant Katie is bringing in some books," Dorian confirmed, referring to the logistics of the event. "That's what the table is for," he added, pointing towards the designated area meant for the book signing and Q&A session that would follow the presentation.

"Well, let's make sure everything is working and get this started," you replied, eager to ensure a smooth flow for the presentation. Just then, a young brunette, presumably Katie, came in carrying a stack of books for the signing.

As you were getting ready, Dorian shared some news that caught your interest. "You know, I'm doing another study," he said, a hint of excitement in his voice.

"Really? On what?" you asked, intrigued by his ongoing research endeavors.

"More on the vaccines and treatments for large animals," he revealed, indicating a continued focus on a critical area of medical research that had wide-reaching implications.

"That's fascinating," you responded, your curiosity piqued.

"We're exploring new vaccines and treatments specifically designed for them. There's a significant gap in our current understanding and application, especially with diseases that can impact both animals and humans. Think zoonotic diseases, for example."

The importance of his work struck you. Zoonotic diseases, those that can be transmitted from animals to humans, represented a critical area of research, especially in light of recent global health crises. "That could have profound implications for both animal and human health," you noted. "Especially considering how interconnected our health ecosystems are."

Dorian nodded, his eyes lighting up with passion. "Absolutely. That's the core of our research. By improving the health and resilience of large animal populations, we can indirectly protect human communities as well. Plus, there's the added benefit of supporting food security and livelihoods for people dependent on these animals."

The depth and scope of Dorian's new study impressed you. It underscored the interconnectedness of health across species and highlighted the critical need for research that bridges the gap between human and veterinary medicine.

"You'd make a great partner again," he threw in, suggesting the possibility of collaborating with you once more on this new research venture, clearly valuing your past work together and anticipating the potential of your future contributions.

As Katie signaled that it was time to begin, you shifted your focus to the presentation ahead. Yet, Dorian's project lingered in your thoughts. It was a powerful reminder of the broader impacts your work could have, inspiring you to consider how your own research might contribute to such vital, interconnected fields in the future.

Following the presentation, Jake stood by patiently while you engaged in signing books and conversing with some students about your book and research, a testament to his support and understanding of your professional commitments. Once you had finished, you descended the stairs and approached Jake.

He greeted you with a smile, his eyes reflecting pride. "You were great," he complimented, his admiration evident.

"So, I got us a room at the hotel for the night," you announced, revealing a bit of surprising news to Jake.

Jake raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued by the unexpected arrangement. "How'd you...?" he began to ask, his curiosity piqued.

You grinned, a playful glint in your eyes. "I have my ways," you teased, leaving the specifics to his imagination but hinting at your resourcefulness in ensuring a special continuation of the day. "And where else are we going to change for the night?" you added, providing a practical reason for securing the hotel room that underscored the convenience of the arrangement.

"Valid point," Jake acknowledged, appreciating the thoughtfulness behind your planning.

As the two of you began to make your way towards the exit, intent on leaving the conference behind for a while, a voice suddenly called out, halting your departure.

"Dr. Seresin!" The male voice projected through the space.

Turning around, you spotted Dorian on the stage, waving to catch your attention. He quickly ascended the stairs and hurried towards you, clearly having something urgent or important to discuss.

As Dorian closed the distance, his gaze shifted briefly to Jake, assessing him. "You must be Mr. Seresin?" he inquired, extending his hand in greeting.

You and Jake exchanged a quick look before Jake took the initiative, reaching out to meet Dorian's handshake. "Lieutenant Seresin," he corrected gently, introducing himself with his military title, a subtle reminder of his profession and rank.

"Lieutenant. I'm Dr. Dorian Stryker. I worked with your wife for a little over a year. It's nice to finally meet you," Dorian introduced himself.

"That's what she told me," Jake responded, acknowledging the connection you had mentioned about your collaboration with Dorian.

Dorian nodded, indicating his understanding. "Well, it's nice to finally put a face to the name. I have to get back to work." Without lingering further, he turned and made his way back to the stage, leaving you and Jake to continue your exit.

Once Dorian was out of earshot, you shared your thoughts with Jake. "That was weird," you stated, reflecting on the brief and somewhat abrupt interaction.

"Glad I wasn't the only one that thought that," Jake agreed, confirming that the encounter had also struck him as slightly odd.

In the hotel room, after emerging from the bathroom in a stunning navy 'A' line spaghetti strapped corset tulle long dress adorned with appliques, you captivated Jake's full attention. The dress hugged your athletic curves flawlessly, and with your hair flowing down, you presented an image of effortless elegance. Sensing the impact of your appearance, you gave a playful twirl.

"You like?" you asked, seeking Jake's reaction, which seemed overwhelmingly positive given the way he appeared momentarily breathless at the sight of you.

Jake's eyes widened as he took in your appearance, his usual eloquence momentarily lost in the sheer impact of the moment. After a beat, he managed to regain some of his composure, though his voice still carried a note of awe. "Like? I think 'like' is an understatement," he finally said, slowly approaching you. His gaze remained fixed on you, as if he was trying to memorize every detail.

"You look... incredible," he continued, his hands reaching out to gently grasp yours before pulling you closer. The warmth of his touch was familiar, yet in moments like these, it felt like discovering it all over again. "Absolutely breathtaking," he whispered, his eyes not leaving yours.

"You're not so bad looking yourself," you replied with a smile, acknowledging Jake's striking appearance. You had seen him in his Navy dress whites on your wedding day, a sight that left an indelible mark on your memory. However, tonight, for the civilian gala, Jake had traded his military uniform for a tuxedo, and the transformation was striking. He was equally as handsome in the sleek, formal attire, which complemented his posture and demeanor in a different but no less compelling way. The tuxedo lent him an air of sophistication and charm, proving that regardless of the outfit, Jake carried an innate handsomeness that shone through.

He looked at you, a grin spreading across his face. "I take it you approve of the tuxedo?"

"It's not your birthday suit, but I guess it will do," you teased back, your words playful and light.

He pressed a tender kiss to your lips. "Ready to tackle this gala and get it behind us?"

You inhaled deeply, nodding. "Absolutely. The quicker we're through, the sooner I get to see my husband out of his formal attire."

Together, you moved toward the exit.

Upon your and Jake's arrival at the Gala, the event was already buzzing with activity. Guests were either dancing to the lively music or engaged in animated conversations.

"I'll grab us some drinks. Fancy a glass of wine?" Jake offered.

"That sounds perfect, a sweet Riesling if they've got one," you replied.

"I'll be back in a moment," he assured, making his way to the drink bar.

"Dr. Seresin, you look stunning," came a male voice.

Turning, you saw Dorian approaching. He, too, looked quite dashing in his tuxedo.

"Dr. Stryker," you greeted him.

"Would you like to dance?" he proposed, extending his hand towards you.

Caught slightly off guard by the invitation, you hesitated for a brief moment, weighing the propriety of accepting Dorian's offer while Jake was away. However, the gala was a social event, and dancing with a colleague didn't seem inappropriate under the circumstances.

"Sure, I'd enjoy that," you replied with a polite smile, placing your hand in his as he led you to the dance floor.

Dorian was an excellent dancer, his movements graceful and assured, guiding you effortlessly through the dance. The lively music filled the air around you, a vibrant backdrop to the swirl of guests. As you moved together, the initial awkwardness faded, replaced by the simple enjoyment of the dance.

"I must say, your work has been quite the topic of conversation lately," Dorian mentioned casually as you danced. "Your presentation today sparked quite a bit of interest."

"Thank you," you responded, pleased with the recognition but also cautious not to let it overshadow the evening. "It's a subject I'm passionate about. I'm glad it's generating discussion."

As the song neared its end, you spotted Jake returning from the bar, two glasses of wine in hand, scanning the crowd. Catching his eye, you offered him a reassuring smile, signaling that you were okay.

Dorian, noticing your gaze shift, followed your look to Jake. "Ah, your husband returns," he said, a hint of amusement in his voice as the music came to a stop. "Perfect timing."

He led you back to the edge of the dance floor just as Jake approached, handing you your glass of Riesling. "Having fun?" Jake asked, his tone light but with a subtle undertone of curiosity as he glanced between you and Dorian.

"Indeed, just sharing a dance with Dr. Stryker here," you answered, making the situation seem as casual and normal as it truly was.

"Dr. Stryker, good to see you," Jake greeted Dorian, extending his hand for a handshake, the gesture both friendly and marking his return to your side.

Dorian accepted the handshake, "Lieutenant Seresin, always a pleasure. Your wife is quite the dancer."

"Thank you, I'm rather fond of her," Jake replied with a wink in your direction, the light-hearted banter defusing any lingering tension.

As Dorian excused himself, you took a sip of your wine, leaning closer to Jake. "Thank you for the drink. Shall we find a quieter spot to enjoy these?" you suggested, ready to move on from the bustling activity and enjoy the rest of the evening in each other's company.

"I'm doing my best not to play the jealous husband role, but there's something off about that guy…" Jake began.

"It's alright. He's definitely hiding something, and I haven't quite put my finger on it yet either," you reassured him as you took another sip of your wine.

At that moment, Dr. Colson made his way onto the stage and grasped the microphone.

"Ladies and gentlemen! I kindly ask for your attention," he declared, causing the lively chatter and movement in the room to slowly subside. "Additionally, could Dr. Stryker and Dr. Seresin please join me up here?"

You exchanged a puzzled look with Jake, then passed him your glass of wine before making your way towards the stage. As you approached the stairs, Dorian arrived at the same moment.

"Ladies first," he offered, stepping aside to let you ascend the stairs ahead of him.

"Ah, here they come. Please, right this way, Doctors," Dr. Colson gestured, and you moved to join him. "I've been informed that Dr. Stryker and Dr. Seresin have been awarded a grant to further their research on vaccines. Please, let's give them a round of applause."

Your face mirrored your surprise; this revelation was completely unexpected.

The applause that erupted around you was enthusiastic and warm, filled with genuine respect and admiration for your work.

Dorian moved past you to approach Dr. Colson, gently requesting the microphone.

"Good evening, everyone," Dorian began, his voice carrying smoothly across the room. "I hope you'll indulge me for just a moment. While we're here celebrating the incredible achievements within our field, I'd like to take this opportunity to acknowledge someone who's been a pivotal part of not only the research we're celebrating tonight but also has been a significant influence in my own career." He paused, allowing his gaze to find you. "Dr. Y/N Seresin," he continued, and all eyes turned towards you, "is not only a brilliant mind and a compassionate heart but also an unwavering pillar of dedication and innovation in our field. The work we've done together has been some of the most fulfilling of my career, and this grant is a testament to her hard work and vision. I believe our collaboration has only scratched the surface of what's possible," Dorian added, his eyes still fixed on you. "And I look forward to continuing our work, pushing the boundaries of medical science and improving lives around the world. Thank you, Y/N, for your partnership, your mentorship, and your friendship."

He handed the microphone back to Dr. Colson

"Dr. Seresin, would you like to share a few words?" Dr. Colson inquired.

Caught somewhat off guard by the invitation to speak, you took a moment to gather your thoughts before accepting the microphone from Dr. Colson. The room quieted down, a sea of expectant faces turning towards you, waiting for your response to Dorian's heartfelt acknowledgment.

"Thank you, Dr. Colson, and thank you, Dr. Stryker, for those incredibly kind words," you began, your voice steady despite the sudden rush of emotions. "This evening has been full of surprises, and I am profoundly touched by the recognition of our work together."

You paused, looking out at the gathered crowd, seeing colleagues, mentors, and friends who had been part of your journey in various ways. "Receiving this grant is an honor, not just for Dorian and me but for our entire field. It represents a belief in the potential of our research and its impact on large animal health. I am deeply grateful for this opportunity to further our work, and I am excited about the possibilities that lie ahead."

You shifted slightly, making sure to engage as many of your audience as possible with your gaze. "Collaboration is at the heart of scientific progress. The achievements we celebrate tonight are not the result of individual effort but the culmination of many minds working together towards a common goal. I am fortunate to have collaborated with Dr. Stryker, whose expertise and dedication have been invaluable. Our partnership is a testament to the power of unity in pursuit of advancing medical science."

Taking a deep breath, you concluded, "I want to extend my gratitude to everyone who has supported our work, to those who have challenged us to think bigger, and to the community that continues to inspire us every day. Together, we are making a difference, and I am eager to see where our continued efforts will lead us. Thank you."

Handing the microphone back to Dr. Colson, you were met with another round of applause, feeling a sense of accomplishment and community support.

"Thank you, Dr. Stryker and Dr. Seresin," Dr. Colson concluded. "If you encounter these two, be sure to express your gratitude. Now, let's proceed with our gala, shall we?"

As the music resumed, you descended from the stage, Dorian following closely. Once you reached the bottom of the stairs, you turned to confront him.

"How could you do this? You knew I hadn't made a decision yet," you expressed with frustration.

"Y/N, why hesitate? He's going to return to his training and face deployment once more. What more is there to consider?"

"You don't know a damn thing about my husband, so don't assume that you do." As you turned to walk away, he reached out, grabbing your wrist to halt your departure. You spun back to face him, a retort ready, when Jake's voice cut through the tension.

"I suggest you remove your hand from my wife," Jake stated firmly.

Dorian let go of your arm and faced Jake, a sly grin spreading across his face. "She didn't seem to mind when I kissed her," he provocatively claimed.

Jake responded coolly, unaffected by the provocation. "She mentioned that. Too bad she was thinking about me during that moment, not you."

At that moment, Dr. Colson approached, having come down the stairs. "Dr. Stryker, Dr. Seresin, is everything alright here?"

"Dr. Colson, I haven't agreed to collaborate with Dr. Stryker. He brought it up earlier today, but I've yet to discuss it with my husband or inform my workplace," you clarified.

Dr. Colson turned his gaze to Dorian. "Dr. Stryker, is this the case?"

Dorian sighed. "I must've misheard Dr. Seresin's response."

Dr. Colson's expression turned serious, and he nodded, understanding the situation better now. "I see. Communication is key, especially in professional partnerships. It's important that all parties are on the same page before any announcements are made."

Turning back to you, Dr. Colson spoke with a reassuring tone. "Dr. Seresin, I apologize for any confusion or discomfort this situation may have caused. The integrity of our research community is of utmost importance, and any collaboration should be built on mutual agreement and respect."

He then addressed both you and Jake. "I hope this misunderstanding won't overshadow the achievements we're celebrating tonight. The grant is still a significant acknowledgment of the potential impact of your research, Dr. Seresin. And Dr. Stryker, I trust you'll ensure clearer communication in the future."

With that, Dr. Colson excused himself, leaving you, Jake, and Dorian standing there.

"Well, please inform me of your decision as soon as you can," Dorian said.

Without uttering a single word, you walked away from the scene. Jake cast a lingering glance at Dorian as he too began to walk away, before turning his attention back to you.

"Darlin', you okay?" Jake inquired, concern evident in his voice.

"I'm fine," you assured him, just as a young blonde woman approached.

"Dr. Seresin, I was present at both of your presentations today. Your studies are outstanding," the woman complimented.

"Thank you," you responded, appreciative of her kind words.

"I'm eagerly looking forward to your next study. I'm intrigued to see the direction it takes."

"Thank you. I am too," you replied, a genuine smile gracing your features despite the earlier tension. "We're exploring some promising avenues. It's an exciting time for our field."

The blonde gave Jake a quick once-over. "Well, I won't keep you any longer. Enjoy your evening."

You offered a smile in return. "Thank you."

As the blonde departed, you faced Jake. "Let's just leave."

"Whatever you want, darlin'," he responded, and together, you made your way towards the exit.

Tags: @buckysteveloki-me @bellyliveslife @tgmreader @callsign-barbell @86laura11 @dizzybee03 @kmc1989 @guacam011y @nerdgirljen @hookslove1592 @dempy @djs8891

[clown-friend-gt]

Up, Up, and Away Masterpost

(thank you to the anon who suggested this title)

In a world of superheroes, supervillains, and everything in between, Trevor Castillo was always content to stay out of the spotlight. But when his own powers activate and he begins going through some BIG changes, that option disappears for him. Follow him and his friends Wren and Addie as they all navigate the challenges of growing up with superpowers on the road to becoming superheroes themselves.

This story is ongoing and updates when I find the time/motivation for it

Chapter 1 "New School, Same Story": On his first day of school, Trevor Castillo is reminded of the fact that the more things change, the more they stay the same. But what Trevor doesn't know is that big, big changes lie in his future.

Chapter 2 "Growing Pains": One night, Trevor starts experiencing growing pains. The kind that leaves him bedridden. And they're not stopping anytime soon.

Chapter 3 "Seeking Answers": As his condition progresses, Trevor goes to the Lively Institute liason employed at his school to try and find a way to stop it.

Chapter 4 "Guinea Pig": Trevor visits the Lively Institute's research division so they can look into his condition.

Chapter 5 "Encouragement": Trevor's mom does everything she can to make her son feel better.

Chapter 6 "Breaking Point": A longtime bully of Trevor's decides to switch tactics after he starts to change. He pushes Trevor to his breaking point, and Trevor reacts violently.

Chapter 7 "Left Alone": Trevor is arrested and processed by the Lively Institute. His experiences leave him feeling more alienated than ever.

Chapter 8 "What Comes Next": Trevor is interviewed by a case worker who will determine what his punishment will be

Chapter 9 "A Perfect Fit": After meeting with the case worker, Trevor's punishment is decided on Corrective Custody. The first few days present a few challenges.

Chapter 10 "Fresh Meat": Not long after joining the general prison population, Trevor runs into a conflict that leaves once again grappling with issues of self-control

Chapter 11 "King of the Birds": Wren Alexander gets caught using their powers to get in fights.

Chapter 12 "Pecking Order": Wren visits the prison yard for the first time and attempts to prove themselves to the other prisoners

Chapter 13 "Locked Away": While stuck in solitary confinement, Trevor receives a letter from his mother, reminding him of what's important.

Chapter 14 "No Future": Miranda tries to get Trevor to think about his future after he serves his sentence

Chapter 15 "Trying to Atone": Trevor and Wren try to make up for their past actions, in their own ways

Chapter 16 "Reaching an Understanding": Wren helps Trevor write a letter to him mom

Chapter 17 "Guard Dog": Wren tries to work out an agreement with Trevor, but realizes that they don't quite see eye to eye just yet.

Chapter 18 "Catching Up": Trevor apologizes to Wren after they get out of solitary. During their discussion, they realize that there are some places where they still don't see eye to eye.

Chapter 19 "Reunion": After working with Wren to improve his academic and behavioral standing, Trevor earns the right to get a visit from his mother.

Chapter 20 "Evaluation": As the last step on his path to joining the Heroes program, Trevor undergoes and evaluation by a potential mentor, the superhero Ajax

Chapter 21 "Escapism": As Addie Jones approaches her breaking point, something awakes inside her, changing her life forever.

[mymoodwriting]

Disconnected

Omega!Reader x Werewolf!NCT

Genre: A/B/O

Warning: Manipulation, Aggression, Kidnapping, Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Physical Abuse, Yelling, Biting, Fasting, Heat Cycles, Implied Smut, Revelations

Words: 3.2K

Chapter Three

(Prev//Next) (@peanutpinet @starillusion13)

Prompt: By removing the weakest link, werewolves were able to grow far more powerful than anyone could ever imagine. They lived in peace knowing they were top of the food chain. That is until a certain pack made an unbelievable discovery, causing them to question their past, present, and future. Omegas aren’t supposed to exist anymore, but they couldn’t deny the fact they had found one.

“Let’s go home for now.”

Jaehyun helped you to your feet, keeping you close as you began to walk back towards the house. Although you didn’t want to go with them, pulling yourself away from Jaehyun.

“I have to go find my master. They’re alive and-”

“No.” Yuta interrupted. “You come back to the house with us.”

“I don’t want to.” You stated. “Thank you for all you’ve done for me, but I have somewhere, someone, to go back to. I have no reason to stay with you anymore.”

“Y/n-”

“I’m leaving.”

“You’re not.” Yuta growled. “Grab her.”

All three of them rushed you, grabbing your flailing limbs and preventing you from running away. Yuta managed to get behind you, slipping his arms around your waist and lifting you off the ground. It made it easier for Haechan to grab your legs, and Jaehyun to get your arms pinned. All you could do now was squirm, but they all had a firm grip on you now. They carried you back to the house, taking you to your room and locking you in. You banged on the door, begging to be let out, but you heard them all walk away.

“What do we do?” Haechan asked. “She’s pissed.”

“Call Taeyong, tell him what happened.” Yuta ordered. “I don’t know what he wants to do.”

Haechan nodded his head and pulled out his phone, dialing Taeyong. The phone rang twice before he got an answer. 

“What happened!? Where’s y/n? Is she alright?”

“She’s fine.” Haechan assured. “But we have a problem.”

“What problem?”

“The mark on her chest was glowing again and she said her master is alive. She tried to leave but we brought her back to the house.”

“What! I’m heading back now, keep her there.”

“We will.”

It wasn’t long after you had run off that Taeyong noticed you had disappeared from the arena. He hadn’t thought much about it, but then three others were gone, and you were all gone for quite a long time. He tried not to think too much about it, but once receiving a call from Haechan he began rushing back home. A few others had seen Taeyong leave in a hurry, and followed as well. They couldn’t even ask what had happened since it was clear Taeyong had other things on his mind. When Taeyong got to the house he called out to Haechan and went over to him and the others.

“Where is she?”

“In her room.” Jaehyun said. “We locked her in there.”

“Alone!? You idiots!”

Taeyong ran over to your room, unlocking the door in a hurry and rushing inside. As he feared, the room was empty, and the window wide open. He rushed over to it and looked out to see a little wolf run into the forest.

“After her!” Taeyong ordered. “All of you!”

There was only a moment of hesitation before everyone scrambled out of the house, following your scent into the forest. You had a head start, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t catch up. All those chasing after you made the decision to shift into their own wolf forms, bigger and faster than you. They caught up to you just as you reached the border of the territory, surrounding you and forcing you to heel. You looked around for a possible opening, but nine wolves had you surrounded. Running wasn’t an option anymore. One of the wolves shifted, Taeyong stepped towards you.

“What the hell are you doing?”

The anger in Taeyong’s voice made you uneasy, still you wanted to stand your ground. You shifted, intending to explain yourself.

“I’m leaving. My master is alive, and I must return to them.”

“I won’t allow that.”

“What? You don’t have any say in this, none of you do!” You yelled. “I’m grateful that you saved my life, but it’s time for me to leave. You all told me I could stay with you for as long as I wanted to, so I could figure things out for myself. Well I have, and I want to return to my master.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

“What reason do you have to stop me? I-”

“You can’t return to your master, you belong here, with us.”

“Why? I don’t-”

“You’re an omega, not some familiar that-”

Taeyong stopped when you suddenly began to laugh. He was taken aback, as were the others, sharing glances among themselves. For some this was the first time they were hearing about this. It was yours too, but you found it amusing.

“I’m not an omega. I appreciate the sentiment of it but-”

“It’s true.” Taeyong growled. “And I’ll prove it to you.”

You were still laughing as Taeyong grabbed your arm and pulled you along over to the border. He grabbed your shoulders and made you face him. The look in his eyes intimidated you, making you stop your laughter. There was a certain scent coming off him, and it made you nervous. You tried to free yourself from his grip, but he held on tightly.

“Listen closely, little wolf. As your alpha, I order you to stay within the border of our territory. You are not allowed to leave, do you understand?”

You shakily nodded your head. Taeyong let out a low growl and dragged you over to a big tree, shoving you to the ground. You cautiously looked up at him, and your gaze followed him as he knelt down to your level.

“If you step beyond this tree, you’ll be outside our territory and can run along back to your supposed master. So, if you can actually disobey me, then you’re free to go. I won’t stop you.”

You slowly pulled your gaze away from Taeyong, staring at the forest ahead. Just past this tree you’d be outside the territory and could go find your master. It’s what you wanted, yet something deep inside you prevented you from moving. You desperately wanted to go, but you were frozen in place. As the realization hit you tears began to slide down your face.

“It’s not true.” You sobbed. “It’s not…”

“You’re a werewolf, an omega, and you’re part of my pack now. As your alpha, you can’t disobey me. This is the final piece of proof.”  Taeyong reached over to pet you. “There’s no reason-”

“I’m not stupid!” You screamed, slapping Taeyong’s hand away. “You think I don’t know what your kind did to omegas!? That you massacred them, your own people, in the name of strength and power! Why the hell would I want to be an omega!? Let alone yours! You’re all monsters!”

Taeyong had only gotten more upset as you yelled. Although none of your words were going to change his mind. He grabbed your arm and yanked you to your feet, dragging you all the way back to the house as you screamed and cried. Eventually he had enough and roared at you to shut up which of course you complied. You continued to sob quietly.

“You are not allowed to leave this house.” Taeyong growled at you. “Do I make myself clear?”

You nodded your head, and as soon as Taeyong let you go you ran to your room and shut the door. You went to the bathroom and stared at yourself in the mirror, tears running down your face. A shaky hand reached up to the sigil on your chest, making your heart ache.

“I want to go home…”

♥♥♥♥♥

Since you were trapped in that house you decided to keep to yourself. You stayed in your room, not talking to anyone. You didn’t like sleeping on the bed, or anywhere in the room given that you’d be seen as soon as the door was open. Instead you dragged a blanket into the bathtub and stayed in there. You remained in your wolf form, curled up in the tub. There was a knock at the door when food was brought over. It was a tray left on the floor by the door. You’d usually get up and have a bite or two before returning to the tub. Although eventually you lost your appetite and stopped eating. This of course wouldn’t go unnoticed.

“Taeyong.”

“Hm?”

“She’s not eating. It’s been two days already.”

“Is she being rebellious now?”

Taeyong left his office and made his way to your room. He didn’t see you anywhere, and began to suspect you had escaped somehow, but then he heard a whimper. He found you curled up in the bathtub. You seemed to be asleep, and he noticed the tear stains on your fur. He sighed and reached over to pet you, getting one stroke in before you woke up and bit his hand. Taeyong yelled and fell back, throwing a glare your way.

“I see you still have energy. Shift.”

You growled for a moment before complying, staying in the tub. You lowered your gaze, not wanting to look at anyone. Taeyong got closer and grabbed your chin, forcing you to make eye contact.

“You look like shit. Why aren’t you eating?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Liar. You need to eat, so enough of this fasting bullshit. If you don’t eat, I’ll make you.”

“I see why you killed your people… omegas are so weak and pathetic…”

“I didn’t kill any omegas. My ancestors did.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

“Don’t skip meals.”

You were left alone, shifting again, but you did as you were told. You ate, just enough to satisfy you, but kept to yourself. You weren’t sure there was anyway for you to escape, and so the days just dragged by. One day though, things got bad. You started to feel warm, thinking you were sick. You removed the blanket from the tub and hoped the cold would help you, but it didn’t do much. The fever only seemed to be getting worse, and your body was starting to ache. You had no idea what was wrong with you and were starting to tremble. Even if you wanted to scream for help, your voice was weak. You didn’t know if any of them would notice your state of distress, but you weren’t gonna hold onto hope.

♥♥♥♥♥

“Taeyong, she’s not eating again.”

“Seriously?”

“She didn’t touch her breakfast.” Renjun explained. “And it sounds like she has been in the shower all morning.”

“She’s still misbehaving.”

“Can you blame her?”

“I’ll check on her.”

Taeyong went to your room, knocking before stepping in. He could hear the shower running, but the door was open. He made his way over to the bathroom, finding you curled up in the tub in your human form, shaking and whimpering.

“Y/n!”

Taeyong rushed over and turned off the shower, wiping the water off your face. Despite all the water, he could feel that your skin was hot, and now that the showerhead was off he could get a good whiff of your scent.

“… he… help… help me… please…”

Taeyong grabbed a towel, drying you off and getting you out of the tub. He laid down another towel on the bed and set you down, getting you out of your wet clothes. You kept whimpering and asking for help, but Taeyong was trying to ignore that. He had left the door open, so some of the others that had been passing by noticed the situation and came into the room. A bit of a crowd had gathered and it was becoming fairly obvious.

“What are we supposed to do?” Jungwoo asked. “She’s in heat again… but it’s more intense this time.”

“She’ll be fine.” Taeyong said. “She just needs rest.”

“We can’t leave her like this.” Doyoung remarked. “She’s clearly in pain and needs help.”

“She’s been here for days now.” Jaehyun said. “We need to take responsibility for her. I know she’s pissed but still. You said she’s part of the pack, and we’ve all been awful.”

“I know…” Taeyong admitted. “She’s the priority right now. We’ll talk more later.”

♥♥♥♥♥

Ever since that fever had started, it was hard to focus on anything but the ache you were feeling. Your memories were all fractured, but there were small things you recalled. You remembered Taeyong getting you out of the bathtub and drying you off. There were a bunch of scents mixing around, hands on your body. Everything still hurt, but there was some relief among the pain. When you opened your eyes, having regained your senses, you found that you were still in your room. Although you weren’t alone.

Many of the others were scattered around your room in various states of undress. You yourself were in an oversized shirt and panties. Everyone seemed to be asleep, so you carefully got out of bed and creeped around the bodies. It was difficult as you felt sore all over, but you made it out of the room. You thought everyone was asleep, but you heard some commotion coming from the dining room. You carefully made your way over, following the smell of food. You creeped along the hall, using the wall to keep you standing. You thought you’d go unnoticed, but one of the younger ones stepped into the hall and saw you.

“Oh… morning… I didn’t think you’d be up yet…”

“What happened…”

“You were in heat, so the hyungs took care of you.”

“I… I was in heat?”

“That’s what they said.” Sungchan nodded. “Are you okay?”

“I think… I feel sore…”

“Maybe some food will help you. I’ll get you some pants.”

“Thanks.”

Sungchan got you some joggers, and the two of you made it to the dining table. The others that were around greeted you, happy to see you out of your room. It had been a few days since the whole omega thing came to light. Everyone had been informed of your situation, and had been worried about last night, but seeing you up assured them you were alright. It was getting late into the morning, and no one from the room had gotten up yet.

“Are… are the others okay?”

“They’re really tired.” Chenle answered. “They took care of you all night.”

“All night…”

“You look sad.” Hendery mentioned. “Are you alright?”

“Don’t you think that’s a dumb question. I’m stuck here”

“We know, it’s just… we’re all worried about you.”

“Why?”

“You’re right.” Mark said. “Omegas don’t exist anymore, yet you’re here. Not only that, you were under the impression that you were an ordinary wolf, living as a familiar to a witch. All that raises a lot of concerns, don’t you think? I doubt your supposed master was oblivious to the truth about what you really are.”

“I’m not the only one…”

“Huh?”

“Other witches also have wolves as familiars.”

Things grew quiet as you said that, everyone having the same thoughts at once, just as you were. Although the silence was cut short by someone clearing their throat. You all looked over to see Taeyong and a few others making their way into the room, greeting everyone.

“Y/n.”

You whimpered. “Yes, alpha…”

“You need to be examined after last night.”

“Okay…”

You excused yourself from the table and followed Taeyong to another room. Kun looked you over, asking how you were feeling. You were fine, and just behaved yourself.

“Well, everything checks out. You seem to be fine, and you’re not pregnant.”

“What!”

“Excuse me?” Taeyong questioned.

“According to the books, it says omegas are very fertile during heat, and there’s a very high chance they get pregnant during that time.”

“Oh.”

“What’s heat…?” You mumbled.

“It’s a state omegas go into for breeding purposes.” Kun explained. “It usually happens once every three months. Although it was more intense this time.”

“Sorry…”

“It’s natural for you, so there’s no reason to apologize.”

“Still… I guess I should also thank you…”

“You’re alright now, that’s what matters most.” Taeyong said. “Also, y/n.”

“Yes, alpha…”

“Please don’t stay locked up in your room anymore.”

“Okay…”

After the examination you were excused. You didn’t want to go back to the dining room, so you went back to your room. By then everyone was gone. The first thing you decided to do was take a shower, wanting to clean up and refresh. The same went for your room. You opened a window and gathered up the bedsheets, going off to find the washer and dryer. Since you had been camping out in the bathroom there were a few things to clean. It kept you busy, and gave you something to do.

You still kept to yourself, and remained silent for the most part, but you wouldn’t isolate yourself in your room anymore. Everything was so messed up. You were a prisoner in this house, but no one really hated you. They cared about you and your well being, but even with all that there were so many questions. It was hard to deny what you really were, and you couldn’t quite understand why this pack cared so much. You were more of a stranger than one of them, yet they were persistent in keeping you here and away from your master.

“Taeyong… I mean, alpha…”

“Hm?”

“Is it possible I could go outside for some fresh air…”

It had been a while since you set foot outside the house. You knew you couldn’t do so on your own, but you figured you could give it a shot and ask Taeyong. You went to his office, and thankfully he agreed, but of course he’d accompany you. The two of you went out on a walk in the forest. At first it was quiet, but you did want to ask something.

“Tae- alpha… why won’t you let me go? I don’t belong with a pack…”

“That’s not true. Omegas are werewolves and part of the pack, even if it hasn’t been that way for a long time.” Taeyong took a breath. “I also need to know what is going on. Books only have so much information on omegas, and I overheard you at the dining table before. Other witches have wolves as familiars, which is concerning.”

“You think they’re all omegas too?”

“The possibility doesn’t put me at ease.”

“So… what are you going to do with me?”

“I’m not gonna hurt you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I don’t know if I believe you.”

“I know I need to apologize for-”

Taeyong’s words were cut short as you suddenly collapsed to the ground, seizing. He was quickly at your side, trying to figure out what to do to help, and then he noticed the sigil on your chest glowing. It wasn’t a good sign. He tried to pick you up, intending to get you back to the house when you suddenly grabbed his arm.

“… my… my master… found me… they… they’re coming…”

“What? That-”

Before Taeyong could finish he was blinded by a white light. He felt your body disappeared, and feared you had been magically teleported away, but instead he was left with something unexpected. A tiny wolf cub laid on the ground curled up, fast asleep. By scent alone Taeyong knew it was you, but he didn’t understand why this had happened. Yet he couldn’t dwell on it too long, picking you up and getting back to the house. He needed to warn his pack.

[iseos]

: CROSSROADS

wc. 734 archive. pairing. ex!sim jaeyun x gn!r genre. fluff, minor angst (?)

THE THUMPING MUSIC AND STROBING LIGHTS from the lively party reach you before you even enter the house.

  you had been looking forward to his party after being encouraged to come by your friend. it was the perfect opportunity to unwind after a stressful week of classes and dance the night away. as you walked into the bustling house, you couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement.

  you spot your friends near the living room, yunjin's vibrant orange hair making her easy to spot, and make your way through the lively crowd. they were laughing and joking and you easily joined in on the fun as they handed you a drink.

  amidst the sea of faces, your eyes caught a glimpse of someone familiar; you were expecting it though, considering he is friends with the host. but your heart still skipped a beat as you saw your ex-boyfriend, jake, across the room. even though you both had parted ways amicably, it had been months since you had last seen each other.

  you weren’t sure how to react, but before you could gather your thoughts or make a move to do anything, he disappeared into the crowd of partygoers.

  as you sipped the rest of your drink, you turned to your friends, "i think i'm gonna grab another drink from the kitchen. anyone wants to join me?"

  yunjin eagerly raised her hand, and you both pushed your way through the people dancing to get to the kitchen.

  the kitchen was much less packed, with only a handful of people in there the music continued to vibrate throughout the room. as yunjin started to make herself another drink, you reached for a bottle of liqueur, but your hand froze in the air as someone else took it instead.

  you should've expected it when you saw jake already in the kitchen, remembering you have the same taste in alcohol.

  "hi jake," you said with a tight-lipped smile.

  "y/n, hey!" he raised his eyebrows in surprise when he saw you standing next to him, "how long have you been here?"

  "only like 15 minutes ago," you confess.

  "oh right, i think i remember seeing you walk in." you were taken aback by his observation, but chose not to comment on it.

  you both exchanged a few more pleasantries, catching up briefly, and he seemed genuinely happy to see you. you were relieved that the encounter was far less awkward than you initially anticipated.

  after a while, jake suggested moving outside to find a quieter place to talk. before you agreed, you turn back to yunjin who just gives you a thumbs up and a wink as she goes back out into the living room, sipping her new drink. you then made your way to the dimly lit backyard, the cool night air providing some much-needed relief from the intense atmosphere inside.

  you both continued to chat, reminiscing and sharing stories about your new relationships. it was strange how easy it was to talk to jake again; as if no time had passed since your breakup.

  the flow of the conversation momentarily lapsed; there was a moment of silence. you looked into jake's eyes, and for a brief second, you shared a knowing glance; a mutual understanding in your eyes. it was a silent acknowledgment of the feelings you thought you both buried, a hint of the past that had never completely faded.

  jake finally broke the silence, his voice barely above a whisper, "you know, y/n, i've missed this... i've missed you."

  you met his gaze, your heart racing, and replied, "i've missed you too, jake, but we've both moved on. we can't let the past dictate our present."

  he nodded in agreement with a sigh, acknowledging the truth of your words. you both had your own lives now, different paths that have led you away from each other. it was time to let go of the past and embrace your new future.

  as you both stood up, ready to rejoin the party, your hands brushed for a moment. it was a fleeting touch that sent shivers down your spines; a final reminder of the connection you once shared.

  the party continued, the laughter and music echoing in the night. you and jake went your separate ways, but the memory of your encounter still lingered in the forefront of your minds.

© iseos

[hello-im-not-a-possum]

Clockwork head canons?

-Many believe that he was 'born' the day humans started becoming aware of the flow of time and started measuring it. That is untrue, that was simply the day he started interacting with humanity as he started to find them i̶̡̅͆̊̃ñ̵͍̟͚̓̓̾ẗ̵͍̣͈̳̎͝e̵̠̋̄̈́̄r̴̨̯̉̑͜ė̶̫̜̔̚s̶͓͕̑t̷̩̻͈̑i̴̼̪̘͔̅̊̇n̸̡͐̀̎͘g̴̘̩͓͐̊͂ͅ.

-He is banned from using slang because whenever he does, he mixes centuries of different slang terms from the past, present, and future all together and it sounds terrible.

-While for the most part, he takes his job as overseer of the time streams seriously, he is also very lazy and will only interfere with human world/ghost zone affairs if: 1. Literally everyone and everything will be destroyed if he doesn't (thankfully uncommon occurrence). 2. Someone who caught his eye asked him/pushed him to (rare occurrence which is usually undone immediately after the person realizes they fucked up). 3. He thinks it would be funny if he did (thankfully very rare).

-You DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT want to catch Clockwork's eye. He does not have a human moral compass or a ghost moral compass for that matter. Catching Clockwork's eye is like catching Zeus's eye; Any positive benefits to it are normally greatly outweighed by the negative consequences that come with it. His love for mortals, ghosts, and halfas is akin to how real world people love fictional characters, we put those bitches in situations.

-The absolute best case scenario you can get by knowing him is one similar to Danny's case where the only reason why he thinks Clockwork is his ally is because Danny has very limited exposure to him and the few times he and Clockwork crossed paths, he did help Danny out.

-Every other ghost, human, and Vlad who had the misfortune of interacting with him have serious horror stories about him. The Vlad in the show's shown timeline stays very fucking far away from him for very good reasons.

-He would kin both Sans Undertale and W.D. Gaster.

-The reason why his age constantly fluctuates is for two reasons: 1. humans and ghosts cannot perceive his true form as neither of them are capable of comprehending time to the extent that Clockwork, the primordial spirit of time is capable of comprehending. 2. He willingly mirrors humanity in the sense that they are both the answer to the oldest riddle.

-He likes collecting novelty clocks as well as forms of media that depict time travel/time manipulations.

[sleepy-aletheas]

I'm t h i s close to losing my mind over Teyvat's history, origin story, and cycles of eras, and it's the fault of the world's architecture and Simulanka's Narration Footnotes quest of all things. Tonight I've been running around for 3 hours just through Mondstadt, Liyue, Underground Chasm, Enkanomiya, Seirai and Tsurumi Island, and already I'm ready to gnaw at a brick.

Genshin never hid the notion that there were different eras of population in places. It's explained away easily enough - time changes, people change, the rise and fall of civilizations is inevitable, especially with the history the characters personally touch upon. But when we got more elaboration through the Narzissenkreuz questline about the cycles Teyvat is going through, it expanded upon the little exclamation point at the back of my silly head, because it made me scrutinize all the places that made me pause with a confused "huh" for a long time now.

(Wolfy is also at fault. Or better said, all the recent quests and events are heavily dropping future points and the lore of the past in very flowery metaphors and allegories that would be easily brushed away if they didn't point it out over and over and ov-)

The thing with the design of the world is, that it's very deliberate. I mean, sure, we could chalk most of it up as reusing assets and retroactively giving them meaning, but the architecture follows a pretty consistent logic that we can map out physically (digitally?) in-game by walking from place to place.

And because of this logic, I've been losing my mind for months now, because I couldn't put my finger on what was really bothering me, cause whenever it sparked in my mind, I never wrote it down and then promptly forgot because something else caught my attention. Now I don't have that problem, cause I write stuff down in a journal, so I can brainrot through all of it to my heart's content (and to the chagrin of my eternal migraine).

Anyway. Teyvat's history timeline is a mess. It makes sense if you skim it or take it at face value in the moment, but the more one tries to think about it, before the Archon War, it's nonexistent, really. Paimon herself was in shock that there was anything before the gods that walk the earth (that was through the conversation with Enjou at the end of Enkanomiya's main quest where we got Before Sun and Moon and found out about the Dragon Sovereigns and Primordial One).

The book was held at a high esteem, because in-game logic dictated for a good while, that the book (or anything from Enkanomiya, really) cannot be tampered with from outside forces, and that because a scribe wrote down what Istaroth herself told him, it must be 100% true. But, because this is Unreliable Narrator: The Video Game, I wanna hold it with a grain of salt for a bit, cause if Sumeru's desert quests have taught me anything, it's that no one is outside the realm of getting things wrong through misunderstandings, assumptions, or outright lies (and that counts for Gods and Sovereigns too btw).

The thing is, the game deliberately tosses clues and leads around across the spectrum from obvious to throwaway lines or visuals. The foreshadowing is being put into place all along, and it's not just "oh, what will happen next patch?" or "this is the new area, right?" specific things either. There are quests and books and characters that are mirroring something that happened once upon a time (or in the present), but a person has to deliberately listen for this to catch, otherwise it just becomes a fun tidbit that maybe connects sooner than later, or it just completely slips the mind and comes back seemingly as new information.

Okay, back to the point of Teyvat's architecture in connection with civilizations and cycles of eras shenanigans.

There is this one specific architecture that keeps popping out across every single nation, you know the one. It has triquetra and intertwined lines (would braided be a better word for it? plaited?), with the stones big and smooth, the edges blunted. It truly is everywhere one tries to look, but it's interesting where it lays and where the region-specific architecture intertwine or avoid each other.

We could assume that that was the United Civilization, the first before it got split apart, laying across Teyvat in unison. That should be the original style. But then we got the Underground Chasm and Enkanomiya, and it throws a wrench into the whole neat fact, it makes one question what is going on.

Enkanomiya was thrown away from surface Teyvat, cut off from any connection to any divinity or other people, stuck with vishaps in the dark. And yet it's the same architecture as the Chasm, they even have the same glowing stones inside their square pillars, their walls have wavy lines carved out, it's all very angular and the stone also is more white than grey. And then there is Clymene (a shade in Enkanomiya, the ward of the Sunchildren) that says something along the lines of "I haven't seen someone dressed like you in a long time" which raises so many questions, and we never got back to it (shaking my fist at the sky, this lives in my head for years now). And on a lesser note, both reside underground, where you can see the cave arch high above and reaching deep beneath the areas. (And on another sidenote, it's interesting how similar Enkanomiya, Chasm, and Remuria have their architecture, lots of massive white stone and gold)

Old Mondstadt had actually a wider reach than expected. It wasn't limited only to the hollowed place that is now Stormterror Lair with high cliffs all around, but we can see the ruin leftovers stretching to Cecilia's Garden and all the way to Dawn Winery. Old Mondstadt had a combination of rose stems with thorns, moline crosses (or that's the closest I could compare it to), what looks like lily of the valley, domed roofs, and again the big smoothed out stones. The biggest mystery that stand out to me are the two smooth pillars in by Cecilia's garden that don't fit anywhere (it doesn't even fit the ones around the Thousand Winds Temple, where they're carved again with wavy criss-crossing lines).

Speaking of Thousand Winds Temple, that one's also coming up around in different places across the places I looked at. It's obviously across the east of Mondstadt, the secret forgotten island where the other sundial rests (and there are interesting symbols too, like the stylized infinity swirling around, the pedestal before the sundial reminiscent of the light realm sigil associated with Tokoyo Ookami, and a knot in the middle). If anything, there are other symbols that resemble the triquetra close enough to be chalked up as the same thing, but they're differently depicted that I can't unsee. Then there is the pavement, and oh my god, that haunts me. Because it can be found on the forgotten island, Thousand Winds Temple, but it's also in the underground ruins on Seirai Island (Amakumo Peak, where you first have to solve puzzles to drain the water levels), and around Tsurumi Island in general (the buried architecture reminds me of Vinagnir, I wonder if they're from the same time or not, the wall drawings would fit on their own). Istaroth had to have a direct hand in many places, because she just keeps popping up.

And Liyue has a pretty clear distinction between what Morax ruled and where he laid Guili Plains (pretty square structures with distinct symbols) and what was probably before. Bishui Plain pretty much is connected through the large grey stones, triquetra, and wavy lines, with a distinct detail of a lattice symbolism in the salt carrying pillars in Sal Terrae, or the dragon statues situated across Wuwang Hill and Qingce Village. In Jueyun Karst, where we have to drain the water to reach Tiashan Mansion, there is a similar mechanism as in Old Mondstadt (just a fun detail). It's also a fun thing to note, that in Guyun Stone Forest, the space where the geo hypostasis rests, the ground has again a resemblance to the light realm sigil, so that's fun to look around for later. All that to say, it makes me personally curious when did Morax and Guizhong become allies, because it had to be during the Archon War to make any lick of sense.

All of this to say: I completely lost the plot. I'm so sleepy, I stayed up the whole night again. I digress.

It's obvious that there is some time shenanigans going on, where there are crashes of architecture and history. The conflicting ideas of who came first - dragon or human (probably both, cause everything most likely is a dream (which i get is annoying for many people, but i think the game is trying to not use it as a copout to drop all meaning out the window once it's over like all the bad dream based stories did; they're really hammering in that even if something is just a dream or a fantasy, it's still an experience lived through and its meaning has equal value as reality)), and what the changes of cycles look like or work like. Like we know they exist, and technically one can go from one cycle into the next one (like golden bee Sybila (later known as Phobos)), but otherwise we don't know what happens at the end of one, or how the transition works or looks.

Next time I have any grain of energy left, I need to crawl through the rest of Teyvat to sate this need to know stuff. But that's for later.

I should stop talking, nothing is making sense to me anyway and I'm not rereading any of this (will i still toss this out here? apparently yes. there is no restraint when i can barely keep my eyes open, and i choose to not care).

[laughingsour]

The (Laugh?) Sad Tale of Joy Boy

(Spoilers ahead, don’t read if you haven’t caught up with the manga)

This analysis came about from me remembering the ending of Wind Waker and the line from Amphibia’s true colors: “That’s the thing about friends isn’t it? The more you love ‘em the more it hurts when they go”

I don’t think a lot of people have caught on to the truly heartbreaking irony in the title of Joy Boy. That, despite his cheery name, his story did NOT have a happy ending.

We already know that the 20 kings (and Imu, most likely) won 800 years ago and destroyed most of what Joy Boy and his allies and friends accomplished.

This not only means that the many races of the world were doomed to persecution and racism by humans but it also means that the technology of the world was regressed to the point that they can only begin to catch up after 800 years (and largely because the man responsible is said to be 500 years ahead of his time) and the people don’t even know what they have lost.

Think about it, in the Jaya arc Robin examines a skull from the fallen galleon and deduces that they medically relieved him of a tumor by making a hole in the skull, without anesthesia. It’s a forgotten practice by the present time, but it still proves that medicine had to evolve to resort to less gruesome methods. And in the East Blue they mentioned that scurvy was only recently fully understood. None of these things are an issue for us because of current medical knowledge.

Of course not every technological advancement is good and some of them have actually caused horrific results both in the One piece world and real life. But people have an unfortunate tendency to take for granted the good things science has given us.

Back to the original topic though, if the Ancient Kingdom had won the One piece world would be unrecognizable to the one we’ve come to known. We don’t know how much for the better, but the 20 kings were very much afraid that such a world could have existed and of a man who‘s implied to have had a pretty innocent dream

When someone who doesn’t make sense to the rest of the world appears there’s two things that can happen with them. Either the world destroys them and who they are at their core, or the world is forced to change to make sense of them.

Joy Boy was definitely one such person in the past like Luffy is in the present. But unlike Luffy, when met with the violent nature of the world, he couldn’t beat it because of some cruel twist of fate. (Or perhaps betrayal? I think Imu knew the first Joy Boy or they wouldn’t keep the frozen straw hat).

Even if (when) Luffy wins and fulfills the original Joy Boy’s dream, the original Joy Boy didn’t, no matter how hard he tried.

But the 20 king were still unable to destroy who Joy Boy was at his core: a dreamer. The very reason that he had friends who loved him. And because of that, Joy Boy had to dream even further than thought posible and imagine that someone else would appear in the future who was like him. Surprise, surprise, that came true.

But he still died without fulfilling his promise. And he and his friends, like all people eventually do one way or another, had to part ways.

But no matter how much Joy Boy may think he failed his friends, they love him no matter what and believe in him. And go on to make sure Joy Boy’s dream of a new person like him appearing comes true. (And adopt the name D. as one of their methods?)

Even so, Joy Boy himself lost and his loss is felt by all who knew him because he is no longer there. Which isn’t the same as the memory of a person. Luffy may be the heir of Joy Boy, but he isn’t Nika (or whatever his real name was).

Imagine if Brook didn’t have the Revive fruit. Laboon would have kept waiting for someone who wouldn’t come back; and even if Luffy gave him a new reason to keep waiting, it still would be a very different person than the perverted-dad (skull?) joke telling-musical gentleman that Laboon knew, wouldn’t it? In this regard Brook is luckier than Joy Boy was.

That always was one of the most horrible things about the World Government, thinking people are expendable. They are not. Galley-La couldn’t make a new Going Merry even if they had the original blueprints because the crew that sailed her would notice small things that are not there anymore.

Although his memory and dreams for a new Dawn in the world are very much alive, the fact he lost so long ago after giving it his all cannot be undone. Similarly the 800 years of abuse the Government, the Celestial Dragons and Imu have inflicted cannot be undone either and many people who dreamed to see themselves free did not live to see it happen.

Is it any wonder then that a piece of the Rio Poneglyph, one of the only means of the Ancient Kingdom to communicate and perhaps the most crucial historical document in the One Piece world, is an apology letter from Joy Boy?

His dream will come true after all in such a way that will be mind-boggling to the point of it being funny, no matter what the world has thrown his way, which may be why Roger laughed.

What I mean to say is that I’m sure Joy Boy’s story will be extraordinarily tragic and yet triumphant somehow. And in line with who Luffy is, he’s not unbreakable.

But he’s not finished yet.

[waitmyturtles]

Be My Favorite: I’m All Caught Up!

So two nights ago, I kind of lost it, HAPPILY, in a binge of Be My Favorite -- I’m here to report that I’m all caught up, I’m VERY SEATED for the ongoing episodes, and hopefully I can get it together to do episodic meta from here on out. 

First off, I’d like to say, publicly, that I had written multiple times in previous posts that I would NOT be watching BMF after having watched SOTUS, SOTUS S, and Our Skyy x SOTUS for my Old GMMTV Challenge. I thought Krist Perawat’s acting in SOTUS, etc., was awful, especially compared to what Singto Prachaya was delivering. While Our Skyy x SOTUS was markedly better than the two full series, Krist wiping his mouth after the airport kiss still gave cringe, and I was like, peace out, cub scout, hope you never do another BL again.

I RECANT. Clearly, much has improved by way of Krist’s acting skill -- and, likely, by way of how GMMTV workshops their actors and scripts before filming a BL. (And I REALLY want to thank @rocketturtle4​ here for going very hard in the paint for Arthit and tagging me in your post, because your SOTUS meta absolutely had me thinking about Krist’s acting again. That piece was part of the inspiration and urge that led me to pick up BMF. Thank you! Good things happen when you clown, friend!)

(As well, I want to note that while Krist’s reputation regarding homophobia has not, by way of general public judgment, been fully redeemed, that I think recent discourse surrounding the early days of the pressures of shipper culture and how his comments were received is very interesting to peruse -- especially for me, as I develop a MUCH sharper eye towards the toxic, negative impacts of shipper culture. This amazing dialogue between @absolutebl​ and @thelblproject​ has been EXTREMELY helpful to me in setting that history and context for me.)

So, with all that said:

Be My Favorite is a FABULOUS SHOW. The writing is SHARP, the acting is GREAT, and the chemistry between Krist and Gawin Caskey is SUPERB. 

Catching up to episode 7, I want to review what I’m seeing as the major themes of the series, ones that I’m seriously enjoying:

1) As I noted in my Monday night liveblogs, this show is structured in part around the inspiration of a few old yt dudes philosophers and physicists regarding time, space, truth, and relative existence. We gots Nietzsche, Einstein, Orwell, and -- gah, the Thai writer of the book that Max was reading early in the series about Thai social hierarchy, and I cannot find the post that explains that book (if someone has the link for that post, please send, and I’ll edit it in here). (EDITED TO ADD: thank you to @grapejuicegay​ for sending me the link! The book Max was reading was The Face of Thai Feudalism, and here’s a wiki link for the book). Otherwise, receipts!

Just to recap what I wrote in underslept franticness on Monday night: the first of the old dudes to enter the ring of this series is Einstein, regarding time travel. I mentioned that I am a huge fan of Jack Finney’s Time and Again -- I loved that book in high school. It’s a fantasy about how the American government uses Einstein’s work on weight and light to understand the dimensional aspects of time, the present, the past, and the future, and how multiple existences may be present -- if you can create a pathway into them. 

I don’t know at all if BMF is talking to Time and Again, per se, but it IS talking to Einstein and relativity, along with Nietzsche and what’s referenced in the slide above -- Nietzsche’s On Truth and Lies in a Nonmoral Sense (and, yooo: here’s the text! Read it! Everyone: READ MORE NIETZSCHE! Let’s meditate on power together when we have the time, eeee!)

I really want someone with a Ph.D to not allow me to say this, but let me offer a blasé summary of the text to say: what’s essentially being said in the dialogue between Einstein and Nietzsche is that truth is relative to the moment in time in which truth is being sought, and to the individual to whom the truth may have meaning. Truth is relative to the beholder of that person that is seeking truth. 

In other words: what, exactly, is the truth that Kawi is seeking? 

2) @respectthepetty​ (here) and @lurkingshan​ (here) are writing excellent meta on the dislikability of Kawi, and how this search for his “truth” is fucking him the hell up. First: I TOTALLY AGREE. This dude wants to spin that damn ball to find out if his life gets “better.”

And what we’re seeing is that he’s slowly relaxing the parameters of what “better” means. What “better” HAD meant to him, early on, was that he’d be in love with Pear, and that his dad would be alive. In episode 7′s rock star world, we see neither of those things happening; in fact, in none of his presumed worlds do we see that happening. 

Besides Kawi’s dislikability, which I’ll get back to in a second, I just want to say:

Him jumping to world after world is SO important to this story, and I really like that this series isn’t trying to hone in on ONE world being THE RIGHT WORLD, because -- Nietzsche, Einstein, and Orwell aren’t necessarily the guys you want on the bench arguing in favor of a ONE RIGHT WORLD perspective. They’re the dudes who are like -- bend some light here (Einstein), throw in a linguistical concept there (Nietzsche), and add some questionable politics and power control issues (Orwell), and, well, you got some messy worlds there, my friends.

In other worlds: this show is set, per episode, in the world in which Kawi is existing at that moment. It has relativity to his other worlds -- because he’s an anchor in all these worlds -- but not one specific present moment is his absolute truth. YOW.

3) Sooooo, where does that get us? It gets us to episode 7, an episode that really moved us...“forward” (??) (ha) in this series. In that, Kawi changed enough in his initial state at the start of the series to create a new future for himself that was vastly different than the ones in which Pisaeng was going to marry Pear.

What I am loving about this series is that by being anchored by the influence of the philosophers, in part, that we get to see a lot more light into Kawi and Pisaeng. Pisaeng, as we now know, was pressured by his mother to stay in the closet at a young age (cc @brazilian-whalien52 and @respectthepetty on the linked post!). 

What is your truth if you’re in the closet for so long?

In episode 7, Pisaeng has disappeared from the lives of his friends and Kawi for months. We don’t exactly know why at this point. But we get a hint at the very end of the episode -- that he is ultimately spending his time, possibly in multiple worlds, being patient for Kawi to come around to Pisaeng’s love. 

Early in the series, as well, Kawi notes to Pisaeng that Pisaeng wasn’t being honest to Pear about not having feelings for Pear. I think this extrapolation has already happened in previous posts, but I’m not finding them at the moment, so let me give flowers to everyone who has said: that Pisaeng’s internal reality is also a world, a present, that Kawi doesn’t necessarily share by way of absolute reality -- in that, what Kawi demands of Pisaeng early on is relative revelation for the sake of the people around him. And how will Pisaeng’s truth affect others? How will it affect Kawi, how will it affect his mom? How does it affect Pear?

All of that is relative truth that each individual, involved in these circles, must translate AND accept and digest in their own individual, micro-level perceptions. Pisaeng’s own truth BECOMES a kind of truth that is slightly different for each person that’s receiving it. 

4) And the same for Kawi. Except, we’re seeing it develop differently for Kawi. I think we have known, up until the end of episode 7, what “better” meant for Kawi, as I wrote previously -- Pear, his dad’s health, etc.

But I think we’re going to see a change in Kawi now (hopefully). We’re seeing that Pisaeng keeps returning to Kawi, in almost all the worlds, as Kawi improves himself and checks himself against his “present.” Surely, what we want to see in a BL is Kawi warming up to Pisaeng’s affections. The fact that time travel is the modality by which Kawi will experience that change -- vis à vis some VERY fascinating perspectives on what “truth” really means -- is FABULOUS.

It’s unique, because -- I think -- in the story of Pisaeng, do we see a macro commentary on the reality of being queer in majority cishet societies that may view queerness as dangerous or something to be kept secret, as Pisaeng’s mom indicates. 

To keep one’s queerness in the closet -- FOR THE SAKE OF SOMEONE ELSE, damn it -- isn’t that a violation of one’s own truth? And one’s own reality?

5) And, final point (for now) (ha) is: a theme that’s been running through my head on this series is how both Kawi and Pisaeng CHALLENGE EACH OTHER TO CHANGE themselves. Maybe even... for “the better.”

Previously to all of this time travel stuff -- neither of them experienced external pressure to change their worldviews. Pisaeng was going to marry Pear as a closeted queer individual. Kawi was going to live out his life friendless and companion-less.

Instead, THROUGH the time travel, and through their growth in all of these different worlds -- BOTH of them have been forced to change.

I really like this lesson. One can become complacent. As Theory of Love so deftly demonstrated: behavioral change is really hard. But it might be a little less hard if you have a companion, a friend, maybe even a lover, going through similar changes as well.

Kawi is still dislikable, I think, because he’s not aware of either HOW or WHY he’s changing. But he’s changing, alright. He doesn’t have the context, yet, as to why this might be good for him.

Maybe the crystal ball will tell him that?

OR, MAYBE: he’ll come to realize that contentment in the present is ultimately what will give him the most happiness. As Pear said to Kawi during her wedding in episode 7:

“But as we grew older, lived our lives, and continued to make mistakes, we’d have to accept that this was the farthest that we could achieve.”

What Pear is saying here is: you can stop striving sometimes, Kawi. If you can just -- BE -- and accept that life is not PERFECT -- then your future WILL just BE the result of THAT work THAT YOU DO NOW, THAT WILL CONTAIN MISTAKES.

What I hope to see in the future episodes of this series is Kawi recognizing that that work is what will be his revelation, and his ultimate truth for himself -- the truth that makes him the most happy and fulfilled.

We’ll see. I haven’t even gotten into all the subtle references to Krist’s past that this script holds, but @lurkingshan​​ is holding that down in her meta (yay, Shan!).

I am in LOVE with this show, and am SUPER EXCITED to join y’all in watching it! I am VERY IMPRESSED with GMMTV taking another chance on Krist in a BL, and Gawin was a perfect choice as an onscreen partner.

(CCing a few friends who were holding me down during my Monday liveblog, here ya go, some meta for ya -- THANKS FOR YOUR PREVIOUS FEEDBACK, FRIENDS! @dribs-and-drabbles​​, @grapejuicegay​​, @rocketturtle4​​, @chickenstrangers​​, @lurkingshan​​) 

P.S. I FORGOT TO ADD:

GAWIN. CASKEY. DAMN. CAN THE HOMEY ACT, OR CAN HE ACT? He is SO GOOD IN THIS, MY GAWD! Their CHEMISTRY! MEEP!