#'am i going to regret spending this much money on something that won't last me a lifetime'

[silverynight]

Recharge

Based on the mha manga finale

"Your childhood friend is taking too many extra shifts; he'll pass out soon at this rate."

Aizawa does that a lot lately; he casually walks into Izuku's classroom or his office, only to drop random information about Katsuki. It's usually something Aizawa disapproves of.

Izuku sighs, looking up at the window from all the essays he has to grade. Lately, Katsuki is making him worry too much.

The funny thing is that Aizawa believes he has some secret power to make pro hero Katsuki stop or change his mind; sure, they're friends, and he often listens to Izuku (yes, he also pays him a lot of visits) but it's not like the young teacher can work miracles.

"I'll talk to him," he promises. This time, he needs to think about something to make him take a break. He doesn't want Katsuki to end up hurt during one of his missions because he's too tired to focus.

Izuku spends a couple of minutes staring down at his phone; thinking about what to text Katsuki. The truth is that they see each other pretty much every week, and he's the one who usually asks Izuku if he can go to his apartment or hang out with him.

Izuku never reaches out first and it's not because he doesn't want to; the only reason he doesn't ask Katsuki to come is because he's aware how hard it's for pro heroes to make time for social stuff. Besides, he doesn't want to bother him.

Now, it's been two weeks since he last saw Katsuki; Izuku has been thinking about it even before Aizawa approached him, but he refused to mention anything about that to Katsuki because he didn't want to annoy him. He had decided to wait because it was obvious Katsuki hadn't contacted him for a reason.

However, if it's because he's been overworking himself on purpose, Izuku needs to make him stop before he collapses or at least try to talk to him out of it.

Hi, Kacchan!

Do you have time today to hang out with me? We can stay at my place and order takeout!

He sends it before he regrets it. Izuku bites his bottom lip, but forces himself to look at the works he's grading because he seriously needs to get back to it.

Katsuki answers just a few minutes later, and it's a bit surprising considering how busy Aizawa said he was.

I have another patrol later today. I won't be free until 2 am. But maybe I can come over in two days?

Is it his second one in a day or his third? Izuku's mind fills itself with anxious thoughts and wonders when was the last time Katsuki had a proper night's sleep. Why is he overworking himself? Pro heroes make good money, he shouldn't be struggling financially...

He doesn't ask any of those questions or tells Katsuki to reschedule. Izuku has no idea why Aizawa is always so sure he can make Katsuki change his mind. His friend has more important things to do now; honestly, it's a miracle he finds the time to hang out with Izuku once a week.

He shouldn't insist, but Izuku decides to be honest.

Don't worry about it! We can see each other when you have more time!

I just miss you, that's all! Good luck with your patrol, Kacchan!

Izuku leaves his phone next to him on the table, takes a deep breath, and gets determined not to worry about his friend for a while.

An hour later, he gets another text from Katsuki.

Ashido is going to take that last patrol. I'll be at your place at 6 pm.

Izuku grins before going back to his own work, determined to finish everything by 5; he'll have enough time to take a shower and tidy his apartment a bit before Katsuki arrives.

Just when he's done with the essays, he gets another message.

I miss you too.

Izuku has to cover his face after that one; he's not sure why it makes him blush.

***

Izuku is more or less satisfied with his work when there's a knock at his door. Katsuki is at the other side, hair still dripping wet from his shower, wearing casual clothes and carrying a few boxes of takeout.

"Kacchan!" Izuku beams, making his friend smile in response. He takes the boxes from his hands and walks towards his little kitchen as the pro hero takes his boots off and leaves them at the entrance.

He's still way taller than Izuku, even without the boots.

"You brought katsudon!" The excitement in his voice is obvious, but he doesn't try to hide it. "Thank you, I–Kacchan?"

He turns around, only to be pulled into a tight embrace; Katsuki tilts his head down in order to nuzzle against Izuku's green curls. He takes a deep breath.

"I missed you so much, nerd," he mumbles, sincerely, almost like he can't stop himself from doing it.

Izuku giggles, hoping the blush on his cheeks is not too obvious, and he tries to step away, only for Katsuki to pull him right back into his arms with a grumpy huff.

"Wait. I need to recharge," the pro hero insists, resting his head on the teacher's shoulder. "Alright. I'm better now. Besides, you must be hungry."

Only when Izuku takes a few steps back he notices how tired Katsuki actually looks. There are shadows under his eyes, his face has a few cuts, and Izuku just knows his muscles must be killing him.

Narrowing his eyes, the green haired teacher cups his friend's face, watching as Katsuki closes his eyes and surrenders into the touch.

"I'll fix those scratches, and I bring you something for the sore muscles. Sit here," Sometimes Izuku gets a little bit bossy when he's worried, but he doesn't realize it until it's too late.

Besides, Katsuki never complains, in fact, he does as Izuku asks without hesitation.

After he patches the pro hero up, trying not to get distracted by his intense stare, Izuku sets a few plates and arranges the counter so they can eat together.

They eat mostly in silence, although it's difficult for him to focus just on his delicious food because Katsuki keeps staring at him.

His face is slightly warm, and he gets so flustered he decides to talk about his students and then ask about Katsuki's day.

When Katsuki starts mentioning his shifts and patrols, Izuku decides to bring up the topic that has been worrying him the most.

"So you've been taking extra shifts?"

Katsuki nods, exhaustion visible on his features.

"You should take a break, Kacchan. Maybe a day off."

"I'm fine."

Even though Katsuki has changed, he's still as stubborn as he was when they were teenagers.

Izuku tries not to roll his eyes.

"I'd like to see you more often," he mumbles, feeling nervous. "I miss you when you're not here."

It's completely true, but part of him regrets saying it; it's not like Katsuki has time to make Izuku feel better. They're just friends.

"I'll try not to take too many shifts," Katsuki surprises him saying. His cheeks are slightly pink too. "So we can hang out more."

The young teacher beams in response, unable to hide his joy. Katsuki smiles back, leaning closer, looking flustered too.

"It's just... I have a project," he says after a while. "And I need to save a lot of money for it. It's... really important to me."

Oh. Izuku understands and he also has the feeling Katsuki doesn't want to give him too much information about it; it's okay. He'd do the same if he wasn't sure he was going to make it happen.

He can see how important it is for him in the way his red eyes shine. Izuku is almost sure Katsuki is going to open his own agency! It must be that!

"Will you tell me more once it's ready?"

Katsuki grins from ear to ear before getting closer to him; for a moment, his exhaustion vanishes as those red eyes meet Izuku's. He grabs both his hands in his.

"I promise. I can't wait for you to see it, Izuku."

There's something about the way Katsuki says his name that has Izuku blushing even more; his eyes stare at him with something close to adoration, but he's not sure and he certainly doesn't want to get the wrong idea so the teacher decides to ignore it.

He jumps from his seat and starts cleaning the counter before doing the dishes instead.

Katsuki offers to help, but Izuku asks him to wait in the living room while he finishes.

"You should stay tonight," he whispers next to him, leaning over the couch after a couple of minutes. He catches Katsuki dozing off.

The pro hero must be truly exhausted.

"What?" Red eyes blink back open in a second. The words seem to have caught him off guard. "You mean..."

"Yes," Izuku smiles, noticing that Katsuki is leaning closer. "Stay with me."

"But what... I mean, we should at least talk about it first," the pro hero blurts out, flustered, his face turning into a deep shade of red that makes the teacher worry. "I don't want this to be a casual thing. Besides, I have never–"

"What do you mean casual?" He cuts the blond off, feeling completely lost. "Well... If you want to, we can have regular sleepovers! What about every two weeks or so?"

It's perfect! That way, Katsuki wouldn't be able to take that many extra shifts!

The noise of Katsuki facepalming himself is so loud it startles Izuku. That big hand slides down his features like he's trying to gather some patience and strength at the same time.

"Of course you were talking about a sleepover," he mumbles so quietly the teacher wonders if he heard it wrong. Then, staring back at Izuku, he adds: "Yes, we can do that."

"Great!"

***

"I'm not wearing that!"

"Come on, Kacchan!" Izuku pouts, looking at the oversized All Might t-shirt and the pants that might not go along with it, but they're the same brand and are, in fact, very comfortable.

"Listen, I own a few things that are All Might themed too, but this is just awful," Katsuki grimaces, looking at the clothes like they have offended him personally.

"You can't sleep on those jeans," the green haired teacher protests. "You won't be able to sleep properly. Besides, this is the only thing I have that you can wear. My clothes are too small for you. I promise this really comfy! I love to wear these to sleep!"

Katsuki visibly relaxes when Izuku says that last bit; he looks from him to the clothes a couple of times.

"You wear these to sleep? Aren't they too big for you?"

"Yes, but I love oversized clothes!" Izuku smiles.

The pro hero stares down at him for a couple of seconds without saying anything; Izuku wonders if he forgot about what they were talking about when he suddenly blinks, snapping himself out of it, and then turns slightly pink.

"Fine. I'll see if I have something else–"

"No," Katsuki yanks the clothes right from Izuku's hands. "I'll wear them."

When Katsuki joins him in the living room again, he admits to himself that his friend was absolutely right about the clothes.

They fit him, but they don't look like his style at all.

"You look like a nerd, Kacchan," Izuku says before bursting into laughter.

"You little shit! This was all a trap to make me wear this crime against fashion! My parents would have a stroke if they saw me in this!" He lunges towards Izuku, making the teacher laugh even harder.

When Katsuki catches him in his arms, prompting them to fall over the couch, Izuku realizes the pro hero is chuckling too.

However, when the laughter dies, they're still wrapped around one another on the couch, and Katsuki refuses to look away from Izuku; the younger teacher gets too flustered he pushes his friend away.

"Let's watch a movie!"

Katsuki insists he needs to recharge first and the best way to do that is if he's as close to Izuku as possible so he ends up with the pro hero's head over his lap.

They only watch the first half of the movie, and Izuku is not sure Katsuki watched it at all because he caught the pro hero staring up at him a couple of times instead.

Katsuki falls asleep quickly after Izuku starts running his fingers through his blond hair.

The teacher sighs, turns the TV off and checks his mail on his phone while Katsuki sleeps. He reads a few of his students' works for a while before carefully waking Katsuki up.

They have a "discussion" about who gets to sleep on Izuku's bed, and the teacher ends up losing, so he brings an extra futon to the living room so Katsuki can sleep comfortably.

The pro hero wakes up first and is already making breakfast for two when Izuku walks out of his bedroom.

They chat for a while before Katsuki gets ready for work.

At the entrance, he hesitates right after putting his boots on before turning around again and pulling Izuku into a hug.

"Recharging?" He chuckles, hugging him back.

"More like getting some extra energy for the day." He whispers as he nuzzles against Izuku's curls.

"Okay, Kacchan."

"Let's do this next week," he says, smiling down at him, thumb stroking the teacher's scar on his right cheek.

"Yes!"

"I'll see you this Friday, Izuku."

***

As soon as he sees Ashido's smirk at the other side of the break room, Katsuki sighs, but he still walks towards her.

"I'm guessing it went really well with Midoriya. You haven't stopped smiling since you got here."

Katsuki is really bad at hiding his true feelings for Izuku, which is why he finds it ridiculous and frustrating how the nerdy teacher hasn't realized it himself yet.

"Yeah."

"I don't know if I should feel glad because it looks like you slept through the night or sorry because he didn't keep you awake."

Ashido wiggles her eyebrows in such a way Katsuki is not sure why he keeps falling for her stupid teasing.

But he blushes anyway and swears he'll never tell her that for a moment he thought Izuku wanted to sleep with him.

He would have done it gladly, but he would have professed his undying love for Izuku first because Katsuki doesn't do things by halves.

Loving Izuku is a lifetime commitment.

"SHUT UP!"

"Fine," she makes a dismissive gesture with her hand. "You're no fun."

Katsuki grabs the bento Izuku shoved into his hands that morning, as he made him promise he'd take a lunch break.

That's the only reason he's there.

"How's the suit going?" Ashido asks then, prompting Katsuki to smile again.

"Great. Hatsume is finally done with Izuku's gauntlets. I'll see her this afternoon to test them myself."

"He's going to love it," she assures him, putting a hand over his shoulder.

"I know," Katsuki mumbles, smiling down at his bento.

He can't wait to show it to Izuku. To see him wearing it.

It's going to take a while, but he'll get there eventually; he'll help Izuku fulfill his dream.

***

Patreon

[slothgirl91]

Reasons why you maybe shouldn't play Final Fantasy: A New Empire...

FFXV might just be the most hated game on the internet. A quick scroll through of Reddit is all it takes to realise that this game makes a lot of people really, really mad.

And even though I am an OG 2017 player who really enjoys this game, I can understand the criticism. Hell, I even agree with most of it!

This game is not for everyone.

In fact, I think certain people should avoid this game altogether.

So here's my list of reasons why you maybe shouldn't play Final Fantasy: A New Empire.

1. You have an addictive personality or have previously struggled with gaming addiction.

FFXV is - quite literally - designed to appeal to people with addictive personalities. This isn't me spouting some whacky conspiracy theory, it is well-established fact that this is what these kinds of games are built on.

There is no limit to the amount of time you can spend playing FFXV. There is always something to do, someone to chat with, and it is easy to lose hours upon hours each day playing it.

Furthermore, it is pretty much a requirement to log into this game at least twice daily in order to progress quickly and protect your hero from being captured. This does ease off at higher levels, but for the first few months, the time commitment can be quite intensive.

If you have an addictive personality, or if you've struggled with gaming addiction before, then my recommendation would be to stay away.

2. You've had issues with impulsive or reckless spending in the past.

FFXV is a freemium game. This means it is available as a F2P, but a lot of the premium content requires in-game purchases.

This paid content is a constant temptation while playing. The ads for available packs-for-purchase pop up every time you open the app. Furthermore, you will also often see your guildmates discussing which packs they are going to buy next in the guild chat.

If you have struggled with impulsive or reckless spending in the past, then I would be wary of downloading this game. I have seen a lot of players accidentally spending more than they can afford in this game. And I'm not just talking about a couple of dollars here and there - I'm talking thousands of dollars (see above point re: addiction).

I am someone who does struggle with impulsive spending occasionally, but what I do with FFXV is I set myself a monthly budget and I stick to it. For my last few years of playing, that budget has been $10. Set a spending amount you can afford/won't regret and stick to it no matter what.

If you're finding yourself constantly tempted to go over your budget, then maybe it is time to consider uninstalling the game.

3. If the idea of being attacked constantly upsets you.

FFXV is a war game, so it should go without saying that your empire is going to get attacked. A lot.

But in all the years I have played this game, one constant remains: there are always a whole bunch of players who get really, really upset after being attacked.

Maybe they are only at level 20 and they are raging because a big level 60 attacked them and they think that's bullying. Maybe every week they spend a huge amount of resources training up their troops, only to have the same player come in and kill all those troops every time. Maybe someone tile hit them or stole their monster.

Being a little bit disgruntled over these kinds of occurrences is fine, but if this kind of stuff is going to genuinely sour your mood then this just isn't the game for you.

At the more extreme end, I've seen players send death threats to other players over stuff like this. At the less-extreme-but-still-dangerous end, I've seen guild mates get so mad that they spend hundreds of dollars on packs just to get someone back. Sometimes, this is money that those players really couldn't afford to spend.

So basically, long story short, if you don't think you're capable of enjoying the chaos of a war game, then don't download a war game.

4. If your mental health is in a vulnerable place right now.

Similar to my above point, there is a lot of toxicity in FFXV - and not everyone is going to be in a good enough place mentally to handle it.

Basically, every FFXV realm contains these two types of players:

The realm bullies

The realm whingers

The bullies are the players who drop thousands of dollars into the game and spend most of their time going around and attacking other players - and these players are usually much smaller than they are.

And for every realm bully, there are at least a dozen realm whingers. These are the people who let these attacks get to them and take out their anger in the universal realm chat.

The whingers will swear, they'll rant, they'll say incredibly offensive things - it's a lot. Basically, sometimes the Realm Chat is fun, and other times it is really, really toxic.

Both the bullies and the whingers can - understandably - be quite taxing on your mental health, especially if it isn't in a great place. During 2020, I was feeling more vulnerable than usual so I made the decision to step away from the game for a few months until I was in a better place - and this is something that I would recommend every player be mindful of.

No game is worth putting you in a shitty mood in real life. Always ask yourself if a game is bringing you joy or stress - and if a game is causing more stress than joy, then maybe it's time to move on.

Conclusion

FFXV can be a really fun game if you are the kind of person who loves the chaos of it all. It is action-packed and there's always something going down in terms of attacks and alliances and guild wars. Furthermore, forming bonds with your guild mates and chatting and helping each other out is arguably the best part of the game.

But, at the end of the day, it is still a war game - and one that is built around encouraging you to spend a lot of time and money. Proceed with caution and look after yourself!

[thatscarletflycatcher]

You are so right, but also I am going through the Charles Paris radio dramas…

Charles Paris is a saga of comedy murder mysteries, and the protagonist is a middle aged actor who is a human disaster -mainly alcohol and women and not taking the reins of his life- who is also always trying to solve the murder for the sake of justice.

Charles is married, but his wife had enough of his antics several years before and they are separated. The stories play a lot with the will they won't they aspect of their relationship, at one point his wife tells him she'll consider getting back together when he can stay faithful for a year (that she knows him so well she'll know if he was lying). Charles tries, because he says he still loves her, but still fails. And I was rather bored with it all and just waiting for it to get back to the murder plot -I say bored and not really that angry or disgusted because it's comedy and it's exaggerated, but also because Charles' cheating and alcoholism aren't glamourized. He's a sad, depressing, pathetic, lost man, and he knows it and his wife knows it and the story knows it, and that acknowledgement goes a long way for me.

And then something happened in the last episode I have listened to so far, that really made me stop and think about it?

Charles and Frances' daughter is dating a guy who works in real estate speculation, and Frances, who has been considering selling their house to start afresh, is very taken with him, consulting his advice, etc. Charles gets desperate because it is their family home -and one of the last things keeping his link to Frances- and starts sabotaging the sale, Frances finds out, she gets angry, etc. You know, average comedy stuff.

But then, later on in the episode, the four of them are having lunch, and the boyfriend shows himself to be pompous, callous, self important, and really boring. Charles has an epiphany about the case -where his friend, who was framed for murder, is hiding- and when he gets up to leave, Frances decides to tag along under the excuse that he shouldn't be driving. And that's when you realize "oh, Frances married Charles because he was authentic, and a good friend, and exciting and had a profession that involves a lot of passion for something that isn't money and status, that's why!"

They leave, they get into car trouble, there's rain, all misery all around, but you can see how good and comfortable the dynamic between them is when they are working towards a common goal together. They end up at a B&B and of course there's only one bed, Frances gets very drunk, the bed reminds her of their wedding night, she wants to sleep with him, but he refuses her because he hasn't fulfilled their deal and because he wants it to be real, to be special.

So he spends the night on a couch, and the following day he apologizes to her, asks her to marry him again, that he was born weak, but that he's realized, having her so close again, spending that time with her, that she's all he wants and needs, that he knows he needs to work to earn her trust, that he cannot think of a better way to spend what's left of his life than trying, etc (Bill Nighy is also an amazing actor so he really makes it come through).

And it hit me that so much of a love story is in the mortifying ordeal of being known, and that same-couple-second-chances are so compelling because of the pain of being estranged, and the sweet pain of being re-acquainted, because repentance is as much a part of it as regret is, but it is also about getting to know and appreciate one another over and over and over again (which is, I think what keeps love fresh for years: seeing the other as a gift and a mystery to be uncovered). And I went "oh. That IS compelling."

So I have been forming this idea in my head that cheating plots so often are aiming at this set of juicy emotions, but doing it in a cheap, heavy handed sort of way, that ends up ruining it. Infidelity is a very stark, easy to grasp cause for a couple's breakup and estrangement. It affects all sorts of couples, so it's very unspecific and requires little to no set up to make it make sense. You don't really need to cook your brain trying to find another plausible cause for a breakup that is founded on the characters' particular flaws, ideals, aspirations, and traumas. The problem then is that unfaithfulness is such a hurtful and extreme form of betrayal, and one that's so difficult to come back from, that using it this way is like trying to open a wine bottle by hitting it with a hammer.

infidelity arcs make me want to cry. like my dude. you're MARRIED. what are you DOING. "but it's sooo dramatic! it's so angsty! it's so exciting because it's forbidden!" you know what ELSE it is? IT'S WRONG

[boogiewoogieweeb]

14 & 40 & 57 & 58 for the ask game (but only if you fare well enough! pick your favorite two, otherwise 😊)

hello, skip my love! 💖💖💖 i am always more than happy to answer any and all of your questions, whether i fare well enough or not!

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

i've already answered this one in a previous ask, but it's definitely the ned little shirt. my sanity won't allow for anything else until i have his dearly beloved face covering my heaving bosom.

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

i'm uniquely awkward in that while i absolutely adore physical affection, i struggle to both give and receive it unless i'm either very comfortable or very familiar with the person (barring close family ofc, of which i have vanishingly few). that being said, the last person i kissed was one of my best friends, and i kissed him simply because i love him and was very happy to see him.

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

i used to, when i was younger. i grew up with a family of self-declared "spiritual sensitives", so there was always a pervasive belief in the paranormal and supernatural for me growing up. i've definitely outgrown the notion since, and the only ghosts i believe in nowadays are the ones of our own making: those mistakes and regrets that we carry with us throughout life, and which haunt us past, present, and future. and yet despite my empirical disbelief, i'm still very much in love with the *idea* of ghosts: that people can continue to exist long after life has taken them from us; that even in death, we reach out towards what we once were and yearn for a return to what we can never again be. there's an unsubtle but timeless romanticism to ghosts and their stories that is at once so viscerally painful, yet also so achingly human in its desire for connection beyond the boundaries of this plane of existence. also, nothing perks me up like a good horror or tragic ghost story, lmao.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

all the damn time. i've always had a particularly strong sense of deja-vu throughout my life; and while i know that science tells us that deja-vu is likely just our brains recognizing previously identified cognitive patterns and filling in the blanks with an auto-complete response; i'll admit to being a bit superstitious when it comes to the feeling of having been here or done that before. in some cases, listening to that little voice inside my head that said, "uh oh, we've already experienced this, better tread lightly now," has been an unexpected blessing. and heeding its advice might even actually have saved my life once, on one memorable if particularly harrowing occasion. honestly, if ever i believed in any kind of wacky, pseudo-science-y bullshit, it'd be that deja-vu is the infrequent temporal bleeding over of happenings in parallel universes into our own. i won't ever be able to prove it, but the vibe just feels right.

and that, darling, is that! i hope you enjoyed reading through my answers (i don't doubt you'll have something to say about some them, and i'm looking forward to hearing all about it if you do 😘😘😘)

[idees-noires-du-coeur]

buying new shit 💀🖤

the littles have been wanting and buying a bunch of toys and shit

this goes against everything we've ever been taught or tried to live by

and right now we are sitting here cozy and wrapped up, holding some of the lalaloopsy dolls & with plushies scattered around, in our apartment and safe and cozy. but that doesn't feel real to me. that isn't real. i can't connect to that or like, believe in it or trust it. i am wrapped up in the core of us, in this darkness. far away from the outside that is so fleeting and evanescent and liable to change and death. the darkness is stable. the pain is stable

my impetus is to destroy, to align myself with the destructive principle of the universe and to believe in that. when they are smiling, when they are happy, i undercut that. to make them safe. and not disappointed. because happiness and good things are fragile and they will always be destroyed.

idk im just threatened by all of this. they're going against the Rules. about money and about greed and about priorities and about gratefulness and about New Things

you aren't supposed to have a glut of so many new things. it will prevent you from loving them. it means you're greedy. you can't slow down and appreciate them. not that i care about appreciating anything. i want us to have nothing. and this is the opposite of nothing. it's more and more until it's not even comfortable.

nothing or everything. we don't understand a synthesised way.

it's bad it's this itchy feeling. either to stop getting new things or to get more and more. it's the same feeling. but i don't understand.

well that ^^^ is how i make the littles feel anyway. and shallow and greedy and ashamed, and afraid to look straight at what we are doing and admit it because it has to be Bad. and we will be punished for it, and we won't live to our fullest. and then this coating of Bad gets attached to all our toys and beloved objects. and then they're kind of ruined.

i would never be happy though. it doesn't matter what they do, i wouldn't be happy. even if they only had one toy. then there would be the question of making accessories and such. also of clothes. or crafting supplies. or some other object. or food. that's what happened last time. we applied this restricting framework of pleasure to toys, and then fandoms, videos and entertainment, and then to caffeine and sugar, and then to food and laughter/lightheartedness over frivolous things, as the last pleasures we had left. and we were starving and we felt guilty for laughing

i know it's bad. and i want out. or i want peace. but i can't. i look at the world and what i see is consumption and destruction and compulsion and fear and corruption and threat if i was to try to be happy about any of these new things, or to hug one of our dolls or plushies, i would feel sick. i am betraying my principles

i don't see why we have to do this. it hurts. why do we have to buy {i hate that word} {it means risk and decision and scarcity and overwhelm and greed} so many dolls and toys and spend so much money and go from one to the next. we want to and we are following the desire but the desire hurts. every time when we wanna do something and are scared and then do it it hurts. and it's easy for ava to take over and it to turn into a compulsion and then it hurts more. and if we would just not desire anything, then we couldn't have those compulsions and regrets.... if we would just be logical about it and just..

there's no way to exist that way. existence is pain. moiraine embraces and desires the pain.... and i want just nonexistence

the alternative hurts too much. and also i can't.

[troidatoi]

Day 7 - 9/21/2023

I think I've literally cried every day this month. I always get so emotional when September comes and I don't know if it's cause of the transition to Fall and I already know my seasonal depression is going to skyrocket. My health anxiety is through the roof that I can't stop thinking about it and crying about it. Every little thing just triggers me and I start crying and and it's just tears on tears on tears. I just want to feel better so bad. I went to the gastro doctor again to test for SIBO and I don't have it. It's a relief that I don't but I still don't know what's going on with my body and the uncertainty makes me to k*ll myself. Sometimes I think I have the C word. (I know I don't.) It also feels like there's a lot of pressure in my head like there's something wrong with my brain. I just want to stop thinking like this but I can't. I so badly want something good to happen to me and I know it will. I want to be able to eat without fear, I want to not bloat anymore and not feel inflamed. I want to fit into my clothes again. I want to be able to enjoy life. (I'm trying my best.) Food still isn't digesting properly and I know it will heal sometime soon. I just feel like I'm doing everything I can but nothing is working. This is all started when I did my tummy tuck (which I don't regret at all) but if I knew my digesting system was going to be like this after then I don't know if I made the right move. I just wanted to look and feel fit and skinny for the first time in my life and I felt like I ruined it. :( I know I'll go back to my ideal weight soon and I'm doing the best I can but I am spending so much money on doctors and supplements and medication. I just wish I could get tested for everything and not have to worry about the money. My gastro doctor doesn't want me to do more testing because he doesn't want to expose me to radiation and I just laughed but I really want him to do it! Test me! I need to figure this out! I wish I took care of my body better. I keep apologizing to my body but also telling her that I love her and thank her for how strong she is. I don't want my body to keep going through this and I know I won't feel this way forever but I just want to heal so bad and it just feels never ending. This whole month has been ass so far. LOL. Like I'm trying to be positive but sometimes I just want to fucking scream and yell and throw something and punch something because of everything that's happened so far this month. Like you know where everything is going wrong and you feel like you can't watch a break and you just want to breathe but life decided to throw hands?! Yeah, this was all this fucking month.

The job search has also been making me extremely depressed like these companies are pissing me the fawk off with how we need to apply for the job and taking forever to get back to us. I had an interview with a certain company in June. Still haven't heard anything back. I even emailed the recruiter last month and he said they haven't heard anything yet. I thought the interview went well but it shouldn't take this long to get back to someone. I rather have them tell me I didn't get it then just get ghosted like this. (I am hoping I'm not getting ghosted. LOL) Don't even talk to me about salary because these companies want you to do the work of 2-3 people for a low ass salary like be fucking for real. I applied to two jobs yesterday and it was just so tedious although I'm hoping to get a call back from one of them just because I think it'd be cool to work there. :) Also, I applied to MGM and they got back to me the next day and set up an interview and everything. The manager texts me and she said servers are down and I was like okay, cool shit happens. I just thought the power shut off but nope. I found out later that week that they got hacked so everything got leaked and I was like HAHAHAHAHA, maybe the Universe doesn't want me to work there? I don't know man, I don't know whether to laugh or cry when it comes shit like this. Like I'm just asking to make money so I can pay back my parents and pay off my debt. I don't even want to be rich. Just financially stable enough to afford my wants and needs and even move out!! This whole month has just been so terrible. I want to believe that something good will happen you know? I'm claiming it though even if I need to be delusional about it.

I for some reason think about death a lot like it consumes me to the point where I just start crying out of nowhere. I remember even when I was a kid I asked my mom why do we die and she couldn't give me a straight answer. I don't know why I was little and asking questions about death. I remember crying in class when I was in 4th grade thinking about death for some reason. Like the thought just washed over me when I thought about it. I always thought (I still do) that death is so fucking tragic and living an old age is a privilege. Aging is a beautiful thing. (I don't know why the fuck society makes it seem so bad.) I like the idea of celebrating your life (which is probably why I love birthdays so much). Because it means that you're still here and shouldn't we celebrate the fact that you're still here? You made it this far. I thought about my death today like fucking a lot which is why I was crying a lot. Like would I be okay dying right now? I even thought what I would write to my family and friends if I ended up dying like right now. LMAO. Why am I like this? I would say I'd live a good life so far, a lot of ups and downs of course. A lot of regrets but not a lot of regrets. I've always done things that made me happy, my social life is amazing, and I have family and friends who love me.

My favorite artist right now La Roux knows who I am!!! The only thing that is keeping me going right now is that I need to meet her and see her in concert. LOL. It's funny cause she sent me encouraging messages and I didn't even think she would reply back to me. She told me to stay strong and I was like yeah okay!!! Let's do it not only for me but for her too. lmaooo. I don't know why her message affected me so much when my family and friends told me the same fucking thing but I was still fucking sad and mad about everything. I really do love her and her music so much. The way I gush over her is crazy. LOL. I don't want to sound obsessed but she's just so effortlessly cool. I really want to be her when I grow up. She's such a nice person and I know I shouldn't idolize celebrities blah blah blah but I have loved every song and every project she's done that I bought both her albums and vinyls and hung them on my wall which I took a picture of and showed her and she said she loved it like yeah I hope she knows how much I love her. I'm telling myself I can't die without meeting her and seeing her live which is one of the things that's keeping me going. She gives it her all every performance. I know I'm going to meet her. LOL. If I met Kobe, then I'm definitely going to meet her one way or another. I'm manifesting that shit right now and I'm going to make it happen. I just love her so much like the first time she messaged me back, I cried. lmfaooo. I cry so much, someone should do a study on me. A conversation and hug from her would heal me in so many ways and we were even born in the same month!! And she speaks so intelligently and articulates so well. I think she's so fucking smart. She says it like it is and she's not scared to disagree with people and things. LOL. I remember everyone telling me that I was going to meet Kobe in high school and I kept having dreams where I met Kobe and tried to get a picture with him but my phone wouldn't work and I would always think like fuck, if I met him and this shit happened, I would cry. Lo and behold, a few years later I met him at his book signing at The Grove and it was worth it. The worker who took my picture did an amazing job taking my pictures with him and you can see how star struck I was to meet him. He was so nice and asked me if I wanted a hug and I was like yes!! I miss him everyday and I hope him and Gigi are well. And I hope when I meet La Roux, she doesn't think I'm weird or annoying as I know she has anxiety. Like I said I'd love a hug, a convo and picture (mirror selfie would be so amazing, lmao) with her. <3 It's going to happen! I just need to take care of myself first (which I'm fucking doing even if I have to fucking scream and bitch and moan about it until I get to a place where I feel better and my health is in a better place!)

Okay there was like a lot of negativity in this post because sometimes a bitch needs to fucking vent and let some shit off her chest (besides talking about my love for Kobe and La Roux) but I know they would want me to keep going despite of it all. The two celebrities who really did change my life for the better and I hope they know how much of a positive impact they've had on me. I just have to believe that my body is going to heal while also putting in the work to help it heal. I also have to believe that someone is going to hire me at the end of the month and that I'm going to pay off my debt. I need to give myself more credit for surviving all of this. I know something great is coming my way and money is going to flow towards me. I'm going to have good health and eat what I want again without pain. I am also going to Life is Beautiful tomorrow which should be nice!! I'm going with John and it's probably something I need. Probably have a heart to heart with John and cry over everything with him. I love concerts so much. I love music so much! I think it'd be nice to just get out of the house and not stare at my screen and wallow in my thoughts. lmfao. I'm just trying to appreciate and be happy with where I am now and hopefully good things follow me for it. I need to have faith even if it feels hopeless right now. Stay strong, Jane. You didn't come this far to come this far. You are protected, guided, and loved. Everything always works out for you! Believe it! Manifest it! Claim it! Please remember this on the days where you feel like everything is going wrong. I love you so much.

[just6f]

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[hoodiehan]

Unlock Tour in LA Experience

I’m going through PCD right now, and I just want to list out everything that I remember from the concert before I forget so here goOOES all of my Y/N moments at the concert :’)

First of all: front row tickets. Holy shOOT I got so lucky with those. I can’t believe that I was able to score 3 front row tickets for Ruby, Aurora and I ahhh (+1 ticket from Aurora for Val hehe). And the fact that I was able to get seats in front of Changbin and Seungmin for Aurora and Ruby made me extra happy hehe.  I’d first like to start off by saying: the Microsoft Theater is so unorganized. Outside of the theater and inside the theater, it was chaotic. But anyways IMMA MOVE ONTO MY INTERACTIONS WITH STRAY KIDS BECAUSE THAT’S THE IMPORTANT PART HERE. 

I’d first like to start off by saying that Minho pointed at me with his blue rose and called me “baby”. And then Seungmin took his rose, but Minho stayed in front of me and waved. Then Minho went away, but he came back to wave at me some more, he saw that I was recording him, and he gave me a heart. My phone tilted away from him a little bit because I couldn’t see what I was recording (I had my screen facing Minho so that he could stop the recording) so Minho followed my screen and to give me a heart :((. SIR I HECKING LOVE YOU. But then I gestured to my phone screen to tap on it and I kept saying “TURN IT OFF”. In the video you can audibly hear me bEGGING Minho to turn off my phone. Minho just teased me by shrugging and going “Should I turn it off?” But then he gave in and turned off my video, and then he tapped on the screen again to start a new recording for me :((. He was so gentle with it too. Minho, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. But Minho was the first member that I looked at and purely thought, “Wow he looks like a God”. His facial expressions? Minho himself? He looked so manly and handsome, I sincerely could not take it. When he got so close to me I almost blanked out because he is just wow. Minho’s voice in real life is so beautiful, I can not get his verse in 3rd Eye out of my head. 

At the beginning of the concert (didn’t catch it on video) during a quick ment, I started hyping Changbin up by jumping up and down, pointing at him and yelling, “LET’S GO CHANGBIN YEAH CHANGBIN”. He saw me, and started dancing and laughing. 🥺I held up a Changbin slogan and he saw, so I got his attention a lot :(( He would wave at me in between dances, and for some reason, he just kept looking at me? Or at least in my direction? I have so many videos where he just kept looking at me, but I’m not complaining. Idk I was recording Changbin a lot because I just had to stand there and think “Wow he is real” and he caught me slipping in those moments. The spotlight was RIGHT on me since I was front row center, so pretty much all of the skz members could see me bright and clearly. As a result, I was definitely not discreet when recording Changbin. I was so in awe of him that I kept recording and taking pictures of him. He waved at me the first time when I waved a finger heart at him, and then in all the videos that I took of him, he was looking at me. He was probably this “This bitch again ??? Stop recording me” AKJGH 

SO. MANY. MFING. HYUNJIN INTERACTIONS LIKE YESSIR THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Hyunjin saw my Hyunjin slogan and waved at mEEEEe multiple times as he constantly bent down to grab a napkin/towel ahhh please sir I loVE YOU Omg rip me after skz watched the fanmade VCR for them, I thought Chan was gonna cry so I yelled out “울지마!!!!” AND HYUNJIN HEARD AND STARTED POUTING AT ME 😭😭😭 And he kept pouting and looking at me but his gaze was too powerful and strong so I hid behind my slogan hhhh Also, during the ments, the boys would randomly start getting hyped up, so I would get hyped up too. As a result, I did that one little dance that Hyunjin does where he puts his arms up into the air and waves them around while wiggling a little (the dance that Hyunjin did when they were going to go eat meat during the finding skz up where they were in chan’s aussie house). I kept doing that, and Hyunjin saw me dancing like that, and he started doing the dance too :( Sir, you and I are the same huehuehue. Also, Hyunjin kept bODY ROLLING IN FRONT OF ME. I WAS LIKE EXCUSE ME, I DO NOT HAVE THE STAMINA FOR THIS PFFt. 

Chan interactions were just him clowning me 😭😭 Hyunjin had a sweaty towel, and he threw it down but it landed SUPER close to me. So I laughed and pointed at it, but Chan saw me point at Hyunjin’s sweaty towel and was like “Are you gonna take it?” 💀💀 Then when I showed Chan my “Can I have a water bottle please :(” sign he asked me “Do you really want one? Can I really give one to you?” LMAOOA GKLHJG G AH IM SORRY CHAN AHAHAH Chan also said like “I don’t know if I can give one to you :(” So I just waved my hand and said “No it’s okay I’m kidding!!” But everyone around me saw my interaction with him and they started freaking out with me hahaha. I also made half a heart with my hand in hopes that Chan would complete it. I waved it at him, but he didn’t complete it ;-; He did wave and smile at me when he saw my heart though huehuehue anyways bang chan best leader I LOVE YOU Also Chan got so embarrassed when he Stays would chant “BEST LEADER”. Chan, please, you really are the best leader and we will forever cheer you on for it.  I couldn’t clearly hear what the members were saying during their ments because the speakers were a little further away from me, but I saw a video of what Chan said online about how it doesn’t matter what gender, age, identity you are and that makes me so :(( He sincerely is the best leader ever and I hope that he knows that. 

I waved a finger heart to Seungmin and he smiled, winked and waved back. I also just want to thank Minho for coming over to me so much during encore because Seungmin also came over to play with Minho and they were both so cuute :(

ONE JEONGIN INTERACTION !!! HE WAVED AT ME I WAS LIKE “FINALLLLYY AFTER ALL NIGHT”. I also just have to get this off my chest, I called Jeongin “오빠” during hi Touch and he was like “EH?” But.. it’s.. fine. I’m fine. I have no shame. 

ONE Jisung interaction 😭😭 when he smiled and nodded a little at me during I Am You because I waved a finger heart at him.

I had more interactions with the backup dancers than I had interactions with Felix LOOL. Their backup dancers are kinda cute though no lie... one dancer kept dancing right in front of me and I would just smile and wave at him trying to hype him up and he would smile back and nod at me. I was like “You’re doing great sweetie!!” 

During a couple of their ments, I would turn around so that my back was facing the stage and so that I could take a selfie with the skz members in the background (LMAO I HAVE NO SHAME). But when I took one of the pictures, Felix was looking and he caught me taking a selfie ha ha ha 🤡 That’s really the only “interaction” I had with Felix. He wouldn’t look at the front row :(( He kept gazing over our heads and into the void pfft 

I brought so many slogans to the concert. I brought a slogan for Minho, Hyunjin, Changbin, Bang Chan and Seungmin. I was constantly switching out my slogans during the concert so that I could get a member’s attention and I definitely do not regret doing so :) Those slogans helped a lot heheh. I also got slogans with pictures that horizontal instead of vertical so that it would be easier to hold during concerts. I do not regret anything one bit :)) 

[serenityseventeen]

Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before

The Ninth Letter

----------------

To: Kim Mingyu

From: Y/N

Dear Mingyu, are you doing well?

Well, we don't see each other often anymore so I'm always wondering that. We used to always bump into each other at the grocery store or the mall. Now, I don't even see you anywhere.

I don't blame you for it. Now that we've broken up, I can feel your love. The love that you gave me when we were together still lingers. I haven't forgotten about you yet. Do you know why? It's because I'm convinced. I still love you.

These days, even after breaking up with you, I still think back on our sweet moments. I stayed up late a few days ago, just thinking back on our relationship and how far in love we were.

Before I go to sleep, I always feel the empty space beside my bed for you. You came by to my dormitory whenever you had the chance and would sleep in my bed because you said you missed me. Thank God my dormitory allowed visitors because if it didn't, we would have seen each other even less.

Even if I was just working on school assignments on my laptop, you would crawl beside me and sleep. Sometimes, no, every time, I couldn't stop myself from messing up your soft hair. You didn't want to bother me and just wanted to be by me so you slept, right?

Well, you sleeping was just as big of a distraction.

I promised to tell you on your birthday when and why I fell for you. Today is your birthday. April 6th.

I'll tell you, in this letter.

It wasn't on the first day that I began working at the cafe with you that I fell for you. I started working at the cafe in the middle of summer break for more money and you were my senior. You know how hard it was for me. I needed money for living expenses and my father was hospitalized for cancer.

I'll get back to the subject. I started falling in love with you because...well, you were you. Your personality, just the way you were made me gradually fall for you. You made my heart flutter and race with your gentle and caring actions. You were also funny and kind and clumsily cute.

Before I met you, I was battling a small heartbreak. I lost one of my friends because I liked them romantically. I was going to push myself away from love because you know, loving me is like a curse. I didn't want to fall in love again but then you... I met you.

At first, I was growing a bit suspicious of you? I was starting to think that you liked me when you always hovered over me and lingered behind me. You also held my hand frequently to ‘help’ me.

I didn't think much of it until I saw your eyes and smile. I always thought that I fell in love way too easily but I don't know how I was able to resist you. That's when your indirect back hugs began to make my heart pound.

Summer break was almost over and I became sure of my feelings the more that I hung out with you. We would also coincidentally meet each other at the grocery store, food markets, and malls, and we were able to hang out together that way too. Shopping with you was fun and memorable.

Since summer break was coming to an end, I didn't want to go back to college with a lump in my chest. I just felt like I should tell you about my feelings while not expecting us to date.

So, that's how I asked you out.

I made sure that it was only us in the kitchen of the cafe. I was pretty confident that you liked me back but I still wanted to ask.

We were washing dishes when I said, “Mingyu, I like you. What do you think of me?”

“You? Of course, I like you too.”

I won't lie, the answer got me a bit disappointed at first, but then you kissed me softly on the lips afterward and made me realize otherwise.

I liked the romance we had. There was no one to tell us apart. At work, when we were alone, you would become all lovey-dovey with me, sneaking kisses and grabbing my hand. I liked it. It gave me this feeling of... Youthful romance?

With you, I was able to overcome everything hard. College was kicking me constantly but I was always excited to come to work. I was always excited for the weekend because we could just lay in each other's arms. We would go on classic dates, holding hands, walking. Mingyu, it was because of you that I was able to smile.

You even visited my father with me, bringing delicious foods that you made yourself. Do you know how grateful I am for that? I always thanked you but I am truly thankful. My dad liked you a lot and wanted to see you often. Seeing you two get along made me happy.

I was really happy but of course, the curse had to strike and everything we built had to come tumbling down.

We didn't last long enough to even celebrate your birthday, which is regretful. I actually already had a gift for you, a nice watch because you recently broke yours, but I guess I can't give it to you. Maybe I'll slip the watch in the envelope with this letter.

I know for you, it'd be hard to believe what I'm about to say but please, believe me. I was cowardly and because I didn't want to hurt you more in the future, I made that decision.

Mingyu, I know I still love you.

Maybe there was a chance that we would break through and not drift apart but to me, that's nothing but assumptions and I don't want to get ahead of myself.

College is tough and I'm sure you understand that. After I got fired from the cafe, I knew that I wouldn't be able to see you that much anymore. Plus, you also know that I started taking more part-time jobs to pay for my father's hospital bills and my own living. We both needed money just as much as we needed each other.

Maybe if I made the decision of ignoring that guy, I wouldn't have gotten fired; but I couldn't stand it. I saw you too, clenching your fist as you watched, I just got to the guy before you did. I mean, how could he so publicly harass one of the waitresses? I was so angry and got out of control, so I threw a milk bottle at him. I don't know if I should regret that choice.

I don't want you to think that you were nothing but filler, something to fill in my romance cravings amidst my hectic schedules. I truly loved you and I know that because I feel it. I can feel this strong desire to stay with you, see you smile, spend time with you...

And if you read this letter, you might ask, “Then why did you break up with me if you felt like that?”

Well, I didn't want to become a burden.

The day was already gloomy and the weather said it was going to rain. I asked to meet up and when you rushed over, I could tell that you already knew what was coming.

I don't have enough time for love. My weekends became bombarded with part-time jobs so I was rarely at the dormitory. My schedules became hectic and school just made it harder for us to see each other.

It was beginning to rain when I started talking.

“Mingyu, I think we should stop seeing each other; we don't even see each other often.”

“But it's fine, isn't it? Why would we...”

“You know how it is for me.”

“It'll be fine, Y/N. I'll be here for you no matter what.”

I shook my head.

“Let's just break up.”

I don't know what was going on in your head but I'm sure you were angry. I couldn't read your eyes and I couldn't tell what you were thinking because I was consistently repeating to myself in my head while holding back my tears, ‘I'm sorry’.

“Why? We can overcome this! I'm sure I can help your father get better. We can live together, we can help each other.”

“I'm sorry, Mingyu.”

I remember you took my hand when as I was turning to leave. I almost cried.

“Why?” You asked. “I know we can...”

“Mingyu... don't get ahead of yourself. I don't want to ruin our relationship because of my problems.”

It was painful for me to let you go. I just gave you my umbrella and boarded the bus. You were too late and started chasing it but didn't catch up. I began crying so much that I had to cover my face and mouth. I'm sure people were looking at me. With rain pattering the windows, my tears flowed.

I hope that somewhere, you have left a trace of me.

I have a feeling that somehow, I could have chosen a better solution for this problem. Now that I'm spending a few days back here at my house, I miss you more than usual. I dream every day that maybe, we'll meet again coincidentally and you had been waiting for me, but who am I to think that when I was the one who ended it?

You've stopped posting on your social media.

Yesterday night, I looked back on our pictures in my photo gallery and my heart ached so much. Just seeing your smile was enough to cheer me up but break me down at the same time.

I wanted to reach out to you today and wish you a happy birthday. I kept typing and erasing, typing and erasing, and in the end, I didn't send any sort of text. Your birthday is almost over and I haven't said anything nor have I given you my gift. I'm sorry. If I do send the gift, maybe we'll see each other again, but at the same time, I'm afraid to see you again.

Your puppy-like personality, your sweet words, your soft gestures, your smile that can light up my world, your everything that I loved, I miss it all. Will time do its work?

Maybe one day I will move on and forget you.

I don't think we have another chance.

You probably feel betrayed that I don't think our love was powerful enough to overcome my problems. Was I selfish? I think so. Now that I think about it, I didn't want to drag you into my problems but I didn't give you much chance to speak. I didn't want to hurt you but even then, I only thought about myself. I guess I didn't want the guilt of having you bear my problems with me. I was selfish and didn't consider anything else.

I couldn't think of any other solution.

If we did continue dating, would it have been better or worse for us? Would we have broken up with bigger scars or would we have continued our love with stronger hearts?

Yes, I was stupid. I'm a fool and I'm sorry. I won't be mad if you resent me because I'm just a cowardly fool. This letter makes me realize that now, belatedly.

All this time, I thought I was doing something right by not taking you into hell with me.

In the end, I still don't know if I chose the best choice for us.

Yours truly,

Y/N

-----------------

© serenityseventeen

7/2/21 - 3:17 pm

a/n: I have finally learned the chorus choreography to RTL. It's not as hard as Home or Getting Closer but it's also tiring lol. I need to work more on my posture and angles to make it look good. What should I learn next...?

[neptunetheplanet7]

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 - 𝐮𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐨𝐫

DM ME IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE PUT ON THE TAGLIST!!

;mikasa ackerman x fem!lesbian!reader

;modern au, band au

word count: 2.0k

warnings: swearing, zeke

listen to the music masterlist

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Just as you were about to say something else to Mikasa, the doorbell rang, interrupting the moment. She let go of your hair and stood at her full height.

"Are you expecting anyone?" She asked.

"No, we're not." With confusion evident on your face, you got off the stool and lightly kicked it under the counter.

Your eyebrows knitted together as you made your way to the front door.

On the other side of the glass, you saw a blond bearded man struggling to hold around five suitcases. He noticed you reaching for the door handle and grinned widely.

"Surprise!" He shouted and dropped his luggage on the marble floor when the door was fully opened. He raised his arms and tried to hug you. Scowling, you evaded his embrace.

"Zeke, what the hell are you doing here?" Your grip on the door tightened with every word.

Zeke frowned. "Do I need a reason to visit my sister?"

You rolled your eyes. "I'm not your sister. And typically, yes, you would."

"Okay, well, you're like my sister." He paused to adjust his glasses. "Have you forgotten? Eren's twenty-second is coming up. There's so much to do!" His excited facade was transparent to you.

"You didn't care about his twenty-first. Or his twentieth, for that matter. What's the sudden interest in your brother's life?" You raised an eyebrow as he visibly grew nervous.

"Well, you see, uh-" He twiddled his thumbs and your eyes narrowed. "Here's the thing-"

"Spit it out, Zeke." Mikasa cut him off when she rounded the corner. She crossed her arms as she leaned against the staircase railing.

"Mikasa! I didn't know you were back!" Zeke made rapid hand gestures toward her, eager to change the subject.

"I didn't know you were back, either. At least I gave a warning," she uttered, earning an incredulous look from the blond.

"Zeke, why are you here?" you continued.

His eyes briefly shifted to a houseplant before training back on you. "What if I told you I'm not allowed in the state of Nebraska?" He gave you a meek smile and your jaw dropped.

Mikasa snorted. "What the hell did you do in Nebraska?"

"Nothing!" he assured. "It's just that I may or may not be several million dollars in debt and on the run from the police." He looked down at his muddy boots in shame.

"You're WHAT?" You gaped at him. You'd known Zeke long enough to have it figured out that he brought trouble wherever he went but he was usually careful enough not to get banned from a state.

"It's not as bad as you think! I just got into a little quarrel with some guys. Everything is fine. Just let me stay here for a while," he said sheepishly.

"I am not letting a fugitive stay in my home!" you exclaimed.

"I'm not a fugitive! There's no need to use terms like that!"

"You're banned from Nebraska! I'll call you whatever I want!"

"What's all the commotion about?" Eren was walking down the stairs when he saw his older brother at the door. His mouth dropped open and he gripped the railing beside him. "Zeke?!"

"Why didn't you tell me your brother was in town?" You glared up at him.

"Because I didn't know!" He started to flail his arms around while simultaneously trying to make sense of the situation.

"Hey, little brother. Can I sleep in your room?"

"No!"

"Zeke's not allowed in Nebraska," Mikasa informed.

"What?!" Eren clutched the railing with one hand and his head with the other whilst continuing his descent down the stairs. "What even is Nebraska?" he mumbled with wide eyes.

"Doesn't matter. I wanna know how he managed to be banned from it." You glowered at the man in front of you.

"Y/n, will you please let me inside? It's cold even in March, you know." Zeke pleaded and pretended to shiver.

You glanced back at Eren for a sign of his approval. The house was yours, but Zeke was his brother. It wasn't like this was the first time he needed to stay over, anyway. Unlike mere seconds before, he now held a serious expression. He nodded at you and beckoned for Zeke to follow him.

He heaved a relieved sigh and nearly tackled you with a hug. "Thank you so much, Y/n! You won't regret this, I promise."

It felt like your bones were being crushed by his weight as your face was pushed up against his jacket. He reeked of an old car. "Okay, get off me, old man!" Your voice was muffled as you tried to push him away. He backed up and brushed your shoulders off before grabbing his luggage and disappeared into the basement with his younger brother.

You sighed heavily and plopped down on the stairs. "He got mud all over my floors. I just cleaned them too." Your head fell into your hands as you stressed over Zeke's sudden arrival. As if there wasn't enough on your plate already.

Mikasa laughed quietly as she draped an arm around your shoulders and sat down beside you. The sudden contact made your ears burn red. "Any particular reason for cleaning?" she hinted teasingly.

You lifted your head as you apprehensively stammered out a poor explanation.

She laughed at you again and you couldn't help but wonder if it's always been that easy to make her laugh. You thought about it for a moment and concluded to yourself that it didn't matter what made her laugh, as long as you got to hear it.

A dreamy smile spread across your face as you watched how her newly short hair fell in front of her eyes when she laughed like that.

It seemed she noticed your thoughtful gaze because she tucked the hair behind her ear and peered down at you. "What are you looking at?" she whispered.

"You."

The sound of footsteps resounded from the stairs behind you. "Woah, I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Jean smirked when he saw how close you and Mikasa were. He parted the two of you by removing Mikasa's arm so he could walk in between.

Your face grew red when you realized what you had said to her and it grew even redder when you noticed Mikasa had a similar amount of color dusting her cheeks.

"Heads up, I'm going to Marco's right now so if anyone asks that's where I'll be." He corrected the slight wrinkles in his new shirt and grabbed his keys from the key-hook.

Mikasa was quick to add to his words. "It's nice to see you and Marco are still going strong. I'm happy for you, Jean, really." She smiled up at him honestly.

Jean's tinted cheeks gave away his embarrassment. "Oh, thanks. Uh, I'm also really happy for, um, whatever you guys have going on." He grinned but quickly covered his mouth when he saw a look of distress flash across your face. "Uh, sorry, I have to go now. See you guys later." He mumbled another apology and turned sharply on his heel to make a mad dash at the front door.

Mikasa chuckled and shook her head. "He can be such a dork sometimes," she said when the door closed behind him.

"That's true," you admitted softly. You were a little displeased that she kept her arm in her lap instead of wrapping it around you again now that Jean had vanished.

"I take it Zeke's kept up with his habits since I've been gone?" she assumed.

An exasperated sigh left your lips. "He shows up at least once or twice a year wanting to stay. He always owes somebody money but, as far as I know, this is the first time he's been permanently banned from a state. I don't love letting criminals in my household but you know how Eren gets."

"I see. I do remember how angry he'd get with us when we wanted Zeke to leave," she recalled dejectedly.

"I just wish he wouldn't get his hopes up every time he asks to stay." You frowned and tapped your fingers against the wooden stair you sat on.

"I hope he can stay long enough for Eren's twenty-second. It'd be nice if he could spend his birthday with him."

"That can be arranged." You ran a shaky hand through your hair. "Will you be okay at a party for him?" you inquired timidly. Considering what happened the last time she was at a party, you felt the need to know if she'd be alright with going since Eren's birthday was rapidly approaching.

Mikasa was surprised by the question. "Of course I will be. Y/n, you know I'm over what happened. You don't have to worry about what I think. It's cute you care, though." She squeezed your shoulder gently and gave you a reassuring smile.

Before you could respond, she stood from her position next to you and started up the stairs. "I'm gonna get changed. I'll see you later."

When she was out of your sight, you gave a final weighted sigh. You had to figure out what you were going to do with Zeke. The feelings that came with Mikasa being home already clouded your mind, not to mention the stress of Hitch on your ass as well.

For Eren's sake, Zeke should stay for a little bit. Mikasa suggested he should leave once Eren's birthday passes and that made sense. However, that would mean he'd be living in your house for two weeks.

You groaned and leaned back. There was only one person who would know how to help. You spun around and scrambled up the creaky stairs.

Facing the office door, you opened it and watched Armin move hastily to turn off their monitor.

"What are you doing?" You raised an eyebrow and leaned on the doorframe.

"Important research." He swiveled the chair to face you and rested his arms in his lap.

"Yeah, right," you snickered. "Did you know Zeke is here?"

Armin nodded. "I overheard everything. It's not like you people are quiet."

"Okay, so what should I do about it?" Moving to sit on the couch, you placed your hands on the cushions under you.

They shrugged. "I don't know. What should you do about it?"

"Come on, Armin. I came in here because I need your help with this." You sent him a worried glance.

"Y/n, at the end of the day, this is your house. You decide who stays and who doesn't. If you want him here, let him stay. If you don't, kick him out."

He couldn't just ignore the obvious issue present. "But what about Eren?"

"What about him? Eren respects you more than he respects anyone else. He wouldn't want to do something if you weren't comfortable with it. The guy trusts you with his life." He spoke like the answer was so clear.

You pursed your lips and thought over what they said. "I don't want to hurt him, though."

He wore a compassionate smile. "None of us do, but the difference between us is that he would listen to you.  So, with that said, how long will you let Zeke stay?"

You looked down at your hands and thought back to your conversation with Mikasa and about the conversation you just had with the man across from you. "He can stay until Eren's birthday party. When that's passed, he'll have to leave."

When you looked up, you noticed Armin was still smiling at you. "I knew you'd make a good decision."

"I always do, don't I?" You joked.

He snorted and adjusted his chair to face his computer again. "You wouldn't be able to without me."

You feigned offense and stood up. "You're too cruel."

"Sure I am. Now leave my office, peasant. I'm busy." He waved you away with a dramatic flair of his hand.

You scoffed. "I bet you don't have actual work to do and you're just being a freak on the internet, like usual."

He flipped you off. "If you don't leave I'll have to use brute force."

"Whatever, whatever, Armeen, don't be harsh." You sauntered out of the office before he could scold you about the nickname.

posted: 8/31/21

neptunetheplanet7© 2021

no edits, reposts, or modification to my work by anyone other than me.

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP Meme Lines from "AHS: Coven" Episode 12: "Go To Hell"

Your highest honor comes at the greatest price.

Death is not uncommon. And danger inescapable.

I don't even need to read your mind to know what you're doing.

Poor, sweet, dumb, paranoid girl.

The awful truth is I am tired.

I want to know what happened.

She's probably off in some unholy nether realm.

He's a deity. Show some respect.

Respect is something that is definitely lacking around here.

You will show me respect!

You look like shit.

I can't believe you did that to yourself.

Whoa! That was cool!

I did transmutation.

I didn't even have to think about it. It just happened.

Our powers always spike in times of crisis. This is one of those times.

You into girls now?

What are you afraid I might see?

Nothing stays a secret for very long in this house

It will come to light whether you want it to or not.

I don't have any secrets.

I'm the queen-- I will rise again!

My people gonna come for you. Rip you apart.

Give me the box of chicken. Today, please.

I'm going on break, okay?

This was the worst time of your life. Waiting on people who treated you like the piece of trash you thought you were. No power. No respect. And no future that you could see.

Your hell's on Earth.

Don't make me put you in the fryer.

Everybody got to pay in the end.

Wait! I'm not done with you!

Unless you want to stay here forever, you better hurry and get back.

Time moves differently in here.

I'm talking to you, bitch!

You made it back. I'm impressed.

Now that I've proven my power, you're gonna give me some answers.

You remember how you told me you were gonna cut me up in little pieces and plant me all over the place? I thought that was a honey of an idea.

There's got to be a way to kill her.

More marshmallows.

Well, she's not gonna be doing anything while she's chopped into 50 pieces and those pieces are scattered all over the city.

You are one crafty witch.

When do we get to see the attic torture chamber?

These wild tales of barbarity you've heard are nothing more than lies invented by her many enemies.

What a total rip-off.

How did you find me?

A dog returns to its vomit.

I see you finally got that makeover.

I'm here to set the record straight.

She even looks like a monster.

Many times while there were extravagant parties going on just below, the sounds of music and revelry drowning out the cries of torment.

You don't believe it?

It beggars all belief.

The information you've been feeding these people? It's inaccurate.

I want my money back.

Do not touch the display items!

You will never be able to pay for your crimes.

It's your only chance for redemption.

Agree to be publicly humiliated-- all is forgiven.

All anybody has to do nowadays is shed some tears, say some words

It's called repentance.

Oh, repentance my ass.

You think a man jack among them was well and truly sorry? Not a one. Sorry they got caught is all.

Y'all nothing but a pack of sniveling hypocrites, as far as I can see.

I won't profess to be sorry, 'cause I'm not.

I was getting to you before. I know it.

You made me weep.

I wept for the state of this world.

A world of lies. A world that makes promise it cannot keep.

I don't want to die.

I want my portrait hung just there.

What are you doing back there?

Do you need a break?

I probably have two weeks left on Earth.

Maybe we could be kind to one another for a change, huh?

Did you really think self-mutilation would restore your power?

You cannot lose your power. You never will. It's inside of you.

As much as I'd like to, I cannot take credit for that. It's all you.

You're saying good-bye?

A man shouldn't be disturbed when he's playing with his instrument.

You don't have your mother's features.

Oh, you know who I am?

We spent quite an evening together.

She can't love anyone but herself.

I saw everything. Everything.

Unzip me.

Whatever fantasy you have about who she is and what you are to her, it's all bullshit.

She used you. All she does is use people.

I don't suspect you have a passport ready.

You feel that? That empty heartbroken feeling?

When the rest of the world sees a wall, we see a window.

Is she alive?

She's not breathing.

That's deadly nightshade you're about to ingest through your nostrils. I wouldn't sniff around unless you're looking for a bout of delirium.

Where is everybody?

Who would have been cruel enough to commit such an atrocity?

I heard people die after three days without water.

Please tell me this is a hallucination driven by my bouquet of Atropa belladonna.

You were supposed to spend your days in romantic splendor with your true love.

You're just like Halston when he sold his brand to J.C. Penney. You've forsaken your destiny.

You bit it off.

Hey, you're in my spot!

I want to sleep!

We're leaving.

You, don't talk to me!

Is that why you came back, because you can't handle him?

You bitch.

You thought I was some dumb swamp rat you could leave behind to die?

Stop these vulgar fisticuffs at once.

It's beneath us.

I don't want to waste my magic on you.

You hit like a girl!

This is awesome!

You! You must pay for what you've done!

Wow, did you walk into the wrong house.

Who the hell is this guy?

I thought you banished his soul to the appropriate nether realms?

I'll kill all of you!

Is that blood?

How could you do this to me?

I don't remember the last time I was here when there wasn't music playing.

You pack your wader boots?

I don't like catfish. I loathe all bottom-feeders.

She's pretty, but she doesn't have your cheekbones.

I imagine she wanted me to do her dirty work for her.

We had a deal. It wasn't on paper, it wasn't stamped by a notary, but we had a deal!

You have been the most delightful distraction. A life preserver. But I'm gonna be on dry land soon.

Can't you at least pretend? Just, just humor me for a while?

I guess I loved you.

Although I really don't know anything about love, if I'm gonna be honest. But you were the sweetest of lovers. The best I've ever had. And I'll miss that.

Let go of me!

I know you love me!

Christ, I was sick!

I just needed to feel something.

I made you die those little deaths for the first time in your sorry life. I made you sing when you had no tunes left in you.

What you're doing is a crime against humanity.

Well, I've never been one for love, true or otherwise.

Does anyone feel any different?

Where's the body?

Somebody's got to kill this creep.

Is that really necessary?

I'll kill him.

We really don't need a man to protect us.

I know I mistreated you in the past but there's no greater pain than being this close and not, not being able to reach you. And to comfort you.

Oh, I'm consumed with regret.

Why are they doing this to us?

Please, I'm so thirsty.

Please have mercy.

Are you hungry, too?

I'll slice off one of your mama's fingers and feed it to you!

Yes, I have sinned.

I gave no quarter.

Have mercy on my soul!

I don't want to do this!

You will do as you are tasked.

Who is this man?

What is this place?

You have been granted your sweet release from the world of the mortal.

Welcome to hell.

I can't die!

We have a contract!

No one gets away with sin.

Everybody suffers.

[kortsitron]

You shouldn't be here

Relationships: Loki × Male!Demigod!Reader { Hate kind }

Location: Reader's Apartment on Midgard

Time: Night

AU: None I guess

Warnings: None

Imagine: Loki and Reader used to be some kind of partners in crime. After "accident" Reader decides do end it. After a few years, Loki comes to reader with proposition.

[A/N]

I don't know how I got this idea, but I think that idea is great. Hope you enjoy this oneshot 💗

(Y/N) came back to his apartment. Another day of hard work, but he was happy. He had a great day. Well, not only day. Male could say his life was perfect.

He had a place to life, he had enough money (at least in his opinion), he had a lovely partner and amazing friends.

Demigod took off his hoodie and went to the kitchen, took out toast bread and started making toast in toaster. While the food was being in the machine meant for it, he went to the bathroom and started washing his face with cold water. Everything was peaceful until the quiet magic noice.

(Y/N) didn't do anything about it. He knew what it meant and who was in apartment. Male still was washing his face, when he was done, he wiped his face with towel next to his sink. He had put it back and looked into the mirror.

"You shouldn't be here." He hissed, his voice was dead and low. Demigod didn't wanted Asgardian to be with him in one place. In the mirror, Loki saw (Y/N)'s jerring face.

"Why a cold shoulder?" His grin. The tipical grin that never left his sinful face. (Y/N)'s lips let out a irritated sigh as he turned to looked into green eyes, unholy eyes.

"You know why, giant." He answered, his voice didn't change. He saw how Loki's face changed, going from a confident to appalled then to some kind of emotionless.

"Oh." Then a seconds of silence. Both of them felt like instead of seconds, it was hours. "Thought after all these years--"

"You're wrong." He had cut God's sentence and came closer to him. "I am NOT going to forgive you that fact, that I almost died 7 years ago." Another silence, which this time was broke by sound of toaster. (Y/N) went to the kitchen, avoiding Loki who turned to him.

"So that's what you're doing now? Useless mortal things, instead of doing much more important tasks on Asgard?" He came a little bit closer, his attention brought to the (Y/N)'s hands, making food.

"Do not forget that I'm a mortal at some point. And yes, that's what I'm doing now. It makes me happy. My life is way better and I don't need you to destroy anything I made for myself and others."

Loki chuckled, (Y/N)'s went peeved.

"A (Y/N) from Asgard. God of Discord, yet he still has a blood of mortal. He used to be one of the most respected gods on Asgard and now? He spends his time on Midgard surrounded by it's pathetic humans and doing useless things."

"If you're going to tell me how much my life is, for you, ruined, you should go now. I don't want to listen to it." He spoke and took a bite if his food.

"I'm just telling you what mistakes you're making, but that's not the actual point of my arrival." He came even closer. Demigod could feel his breath on his cheek. "I need you for the last time. The stake is high, my dear. Without you it won't work."

"Oh, no no no." He protested loudly, going away from God. "I promised myself not to do that ever again. If you need someone who will help you, you're talking to a wrong person."

Loki desperately took (Y/N)'s wrist, bringing him as close a he could.

"Want me to beg? Or what do you have in your sinful mind? Tell me." His grin came back. Demigod looked at his lips, then back at eyes. "A kiss?"

"No, you moron." He giggled, the smile didn't reached to his eyes. "I need you to promise me something."

"I'm listening, dear." His grasp was a little bit lighter.

"If I will help you with this, you're going to leave me and you will never come back to my life. Do you understand me?"

"I do, but something is telling me you would regret this promise." He smirked and gave a small kiss on (Y/N)'s wrist before letting it go. Male looked at his wrist anxiously and then back to Loki, acting like nothing happened. "But that's what you really want, I will do it."

"That's what I want." He said with full confidence. "You better have my armor, because without it--"

"I do have it darling." He laughed. "I always had it."

"Great. When do we start?" He smirked and it made Loki smirk grew.

[smileyoongle]

Making of a lover (Yandere CEO! Jeon Jungkook)

It's literally 1AM and I wanted to write this. I mean, sleep? I don't know who that is anymore.....so let's get it?

Pairing: Yandere CEO! Jungkook×Reader

Warnings: Mentions of blood, death, mature content, obsessive behaviour. Do not read if you are sensitive to any of these topics.

You held the soft blanket tightly against your chest, covering your bare body while you rested against the headboard of the huge bed you were laying in. Guilt and anger was running through every inch of you, occupying your mind and heart as best as it could.

A mistake is what it had been.

Probably the biggest mistake of your life.

Forcing yourself out of bed, you stood up and hissed as your feet met with the cold floor. With hesitant steps, you finally reached the long mirror that stood against the red wall. It wasn't a normal red though, it was the kind which you would associate with blood.

Your eyes burned as the tears started forming in them, all your emotions threatening to come out. You gazed at your appearance, completely disgusted by what you had done. The various hickeys and bruises littered across your neck and chest were gonna be a reminder to you for some days. Even if they faded away, you weren't sure if you would be able to forget the previous night. You closed your eyes and let the tears fall. Your heart hurt a little too much for you to handle. And it wasn't because you were in pain. It was because you had put someone else in pain. Someone you loved a lot. Someone you were gonna spend your life with.

But you knew you couldn't live with yourself after what you had done. And you also knew that Jimin wouldn't want to do anything with you if he found out about the night you had spent being fucked by your boss, Jeon Jungkook. You could still feel his hot breath on your skin. You could still feel his lips against yours. Your lower body hurt a little, considering the fact that Jungkook hadn't been very gentle with you.

With a shaky breath, you dropped the white sheet onto the floor, revealing the reflection of your naked body. You gasped on seeing more hickeys and bruises covering your body in shades of purple and red. Your knees felt weak and you couldn't stand up anymore, so you fell to the ground. Clutching your hair tightly, you pulled and cried, the tears of frustration falling uncontrollably. With a quiet sob, you brought your left hand down and glanced at the diamond ring that adorned your finger.

It had been three months since Jimin proposed to you. It was a rather beautiful proposal for you seeing as he had set up a dinner at the beach. You remembered squealing when he got down on his knee and pulled out the ring, leaving you awestruck and flustered. That day, you had sworn there was no one else you'd rather be with. But then you got a new job at a company whose CEO was an asshole called Jeon Jungkook. He was cold and scary and very controlling. You absolutely hated being his secretary but you also couldn't deny the fact that he was hot and gorgeous. That handsome face scolded you everyday, made your job very difficult but you stayed because the amount of money you were being paid was huge. Also the rumours in the office made you curious. Everyone kept saying how you were the only secretary who Mr Jeon hadn't fired within a week. That made you feel like maybe you were good at whatever you did. That's probably why you weren't fired.

The party last night was thrown in celebration of the company being included in 'The Fortune Global 500 Companies'. All the women at the party were drooling over how hot Mr Jeon looked but surprisingly, you were the one who had all his attention. He talked to you the entire night and you doubted if he was the same person who made your life a living hell. All the drinks that you consumed had made you tipsy and the next thing you knew, you were a moaning mess underneath your boss. Your heart screamed at you to stop but you couldn't. His touch made you feel some type of way and you craved more of it. So, you let him do whatever he wanted to do.

Wiping away your tears, you stood up and looked around the room for your clothes but they were nowhere to be seen. You frowned and looked around once again, hoping to find any clothes at all but there was nothing. With a sigh, you grabbed the white sheet and covered yourself once again. It was time to tell your boss that last night was a mistake and you were ready to resign. Why? Because you couldn't lose Jimin. He probably won't find out if you left the company and got a new job instead.

You left the bedroom and walked straight towards the living room. You knew this house too well since you had been called here at ungodly hours just to make tea or arrange Mr Jeon's wardrobe. He was beyond heartless for keeping you up at night and expecting you to not be late for work the next morning. Absolutely heartless.

Reaching the lavish living room, you pursed your lips on seeing him sitting in the balcony, his laptop in front of him as he spoke to someone on it. Perhaps a video conference.

Slowly you walked towards him, your heart beating faster with every step you took. You stopped in front of him, your eyes fixed on the floor as he continued to talk to the person on the laptop.

"Hold on for a minute. She's here."

You heard him say, your eyes shooting up to his face. He was talking about you to someone. Why? He pressed a few keys on his laptop and looked up at you, his eyes widening momentarily.

Jungkook's breath hitched but you didn't notice, his eyes trailing down your body which was covered with his bed sheet, the white fabric preventing him from looking at your body that he had worshipped the night before. The marks on your skin made him smirk. He had made sure he marked every inch of you. Because you were his since the day you stepped into his office.

He could still remember how you had stood out to him from the rest of the candidates who were applying for the job. Your eyes had called out to him, air of innocence surrounding you. Your lips had looked so inviting to him that he wanted nothing more than to lay you down on his table and make sure that the only name you ever said was his. Immediately, he had given you the job, getting excited about the day he would finally have his way with you. But when he heard about your fiancé, his anger knew no bounds. His heart ached and he felt sad. Every other woman in the building wanted him but you didn't even spare him a glance. All because of that stupid Park Jimin. So he started piling you up with more work, stopping you from going home to your fiancé. And finally at the party, he noticed the glances you gave him, looking at him like he was the only one for you. And with that, Jungkook managed to get you exactly where he wanted you to be.

You tasted so sweet, he could have continued tasting you for hours. Your skin looked so beautiful with his marks on it, he wanted to sit back and admire the masterpiece that he had created. Your moans and whimpers were so enrapturing, your voice became his favourite sound in the world. The night was his. You were his. Everything was perfect.

"Mr Jeon? Are you okay?" Your voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He focused his attention back on you and cleared his throat, standing up and making his way towards where you stood.

"I'm okay. Why are you up so soon, doll? You need to rest." He replied, closing the distance between him and you, his hands wrapping around your waist. You blushed and widened your eyes, trying to decide if you should push him away or hold on to the sheets which covered you. Jungkook took great pride in seeing you so flustered because of him. It made him feel in control and he loved being in control.

"M-Mr Jeon what are you d-doing?" You stuttered, your eyes darted around the balcony in search of something you could do. You gasped when Jungkook buried his head in the crook of your neck, his lips pressing against your skin and leaving a trail of kisses.

"Call me Jungkook, baby. It sounds way better when you say it." He hummed against your neck. Jimin's face flashed across your mind and with all your might, you pushed Jungkook away, watching as his eyes portrayed pure shock.

"Stop it, Jungkook. All I came here to say is that last night shouldn't have happened. It was a mistake which I deeply regret. I am ready to resign but I request you to never speak of last night again." You stated, giving him a glare. If he thought he could play you around, he was wrong.

Jungkook couldn't believe what you had just said. You wanted to resign? Last night was a mistake? You regretted it? He scoffed in disbelief, shaking his head and running his hands through his hair. There was no way you thought that. His angel didn't want him? Impossible.

And then it struck him, his eyes landing on the ring on your finger. He narrowed his eyes and his breathing became heavy. His aura became darker and you felt shivers running down your spine. He was scaring you. Suddenly, loud laughs filled your ears as you stared in astonishment at your boss. What was so funny?

"It's because of him, isn't it? That stupid bastard who found you first. I knew it. Good thing I was prepared." He said in between laughs, moving over to turn his laptop towards you.

A loud gasp escaped your lips as Jimin's beaten up form came into view. He was tied to a chair and a gag prevented him from speaking. Numerous bruises littered his face along with patches of blood here and there. Tears filled your eyes and whimpers left your mouth. It was a video call, you could tell. Jungkook had kidnapped Jimin. It was pretty obvious now. You didn't even flinch when Jungkook came up behind you and wrapped his arms around you, swaying you side to side with him.

"See, I prepared already. Now there's nothing to worry about, my love. All you have to do is forget him and accept me as your one and only. Because you are mine. All of you belongs to me. And I will kill anyone who poses a threat to what I want." He mumbled, his cheek pressed against yours.

"Jimin...." You called out, breaking down into sobs when he responded by opening his eyes and looking at you. "Y/N..." He whispered but you heard it. His eyes fell on jungkook's hands around you, his jaw clenching at the sight.

"Leave her alone." He growled, earning a chuckle from Jungkook. He was enjoying this too much. It felt good to have Jimin be jealous this time. Jungkook kissed your wet cheek and smirked, watching as jimin thrashed to get out of his confines.

"It's funny how you think I'll listen to you when I can have you killed with a snap of my fingers." Jungkook taunted, feeling your body shivering under his touch. He tilted his head and looked at you, frowning on seeing how sad you were.

"Tell me what's it gonna be, angel. We don't have time to waste." He cooed, brushing your hair away from your neck. "Why are you doing this?" You cried as Jimin glared at Jungkook.

"Cause he's a psychopath!" Jimin spat, still struggling with the restraints. It pained you to see him like that, knowing it's because of you. Jungkook clenched his jaw and grabbed your hair, pulling it back so that your head rested on his shoulder. You screamed and placed one hand on his, trying to make him let go of your hair.

"You wanna know why? Because you have been on my mind since the day you walked through the doors of my office. Since that day, I have dreamt of nothing but you. You with me. You underneath me. You beside me. I have been going crazy, thinking about how this pathetic man gets to touch you everyday. How he gets to hold you. How he gets to fuck you. I wasn't gonna just sit and watch, Y/N. You are mine. Will always be."

You cried as he held you tighter, attaching his lips to your neck and sucking harshly. Jimin yelled angrily in the background but Jungkook didn't stop. He had to mark you again and again, so that he could be sure that you were his.

"Say it, baby. Say you're mine and I'll let Jimin live." Jungkook mumbled against your ear, loosening his hold on your hair. You knew Jungkook wasn't lying. If he got Jimin kidnapped then he could kill him too. You couldn't let him die, could you?

"I'm yours."

Jungkook smirked in satisfaction, watching Jimin staring at you in disbelief. "Y/N...."

"I couldn't let you die, Jimin. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.." you apologized, more and more tears staining your cheeks. It made Jungkook furious to see the love in your eyes, all directed towards Jimin. No! It was supposed to be for him.

"Kill him."

Your eyes widened and you looked at Jungkook, shaking your head rapidly. Just then, a gun shot was heard and you saw Jimin's body fall to the side limply. "What did you do?!" You screamed, slapping Jungkook across the face. Jungkook rubbed his cheek and poked the inside of it with his tongue before turning to you. With gritted teeth, he pulled your hand and took you inside the house, throwing you onto the couch. He hovered over you and gripped your wrists, placing them above your head and holding them there.

"He had to die. He had to die! Do you hear me?! He touched what's mine. As long as he lived, you wouldn't have loved me so I killed him!" Jungkook yelled, bringing his face closer to yours. He held your jaw tightly to keep you from looking away.

"I am your creation, baby. You made me what I am right now. So take care of me, won't you?" And with that, he placed his lips on you.

It's absolutely unedited so please forgive me. I could have actually done better.

-XX

[austenpoppy]

When fanfiction begins to be worrying

Warning : Ron-lovers, if you read this it is at your own peril. I am already suffering from long-lasting damage. Vivi, don't read. Really. Don't. Trust me.

We won't even talk about incest and other criminal and sickening fanfictions, which are mostly rejected by the fandom with the utmost disgust - fortunately.

No, no, what I'm going to talk about is admired by a - sadly - large part of the fandom. I was just looking for a cool fanfiction about Ron during my break when I found this, on the first page : "101 ways to kill Ron Weasley."

I know, I shouldn't have clicked on the link, but I couldn't help myself. I had to know.

This is the Author's note :

"This story is inspired by Crys' 1001 Deaths of Lord Voldemort on

For many of us, we hate one character in canon more than any other. No, not Lord Voldemort. I am, of course, talking about Ron Weasley.

Ron is lazy, stupid, annoying, and, in my opinion, mentally retarded.

Now, many in the fanfiction community hate Ginny much more than Ron; however, I find that to be more based upon their experiences with fanfiction than Ginny's actual roll in canon. Let's all be honest, outside of CoS and a cameo in OoTP, Ginny has very few lines and almost no involvement in the plot while Ron plays the role of a giant douchebag throughout the books.

This story, which I hope people will enjoy, is my way of killing off the dumbass in as many colorful ways as possible.

In case you can't tell, expect major Ron!Bashing."

...

I should have stopped as soon as I read this. I didn't, pushed by a morbid curiosity : I wanted to know how far people were ready to go. Useless to say that I bitterly regret it.

First, notice here that Voldemort and Ron are the only characters that I know of who have entire fanfics dedicated to kill them.

Voldemort and Ron are put on the same level. A teenager, the best friend of the hero and a hero himself, is compared to a psychopath and a murderer.

Moreover, I have to underline that the author judges Ron as "mentally retarded". I find it worrying. Just because a teenager have not the same grades as the best student in his year, just because he does not display the same way of thinking as his clever best friend does not mean he is stupid. Far from that.

That is a judgement on intelligence that I think is horrible. You have to know that intelligence, despite what tests such as IQ's claim, can not be really measured. It depends on so many factors. The results of IQ tests depend themselves on so many factors.

Furthermore, having real problems to understand things should be seen as a disability, a handicap and not an insult. It is a very difficult situation to deal with.

Also notice that the intellect is one the major criteria differencing the characters for those people. Intellect is practically above everything else.

I read the fanfiction, constituted of two chapters and multiple drabbles.

First reaction :

First one : Ron dies from eating too much. He chokes on his food.

Second one : In first year, wanting to prove a point to Hermione, Ron willingly mispronunces a spell and conjures a buffalo which crushes him

Third one : In Deathly Hallows, Ron takes the locket with him when he leaves. Harry and Hermione try to stop him and splinch him (he is split in two), but they don't recover the Horcrux. Last sentence : "Even in death, Ron Weasley found a way to be a pain in the ass."

Fourth one : Ron, charged by Harry to give Hedwig her treats, eats them in front of her. Hedwig, with the help of thousands other owls, avenges herself by attacking and killing Ron. Reminding of "The birds" by Hitchcock.

Fifth one : Ron, jealous, accuses Hermione of loving Harry and calls her "a Mudblood". She kills him. Harry and her hide Ron's body before they have sex. Petty remark about the length of Harry and Ron's manhoods. Note of the "author" explaining that it was a summary of another fic.

Sixth one : the Trio enters Bellatrix's vault. Ron is immediately fascinated by the amount of money and begins to steal it despite his friends' warnings. He burts into flames and jinxes his friends. Particularly petty sentence : "He never knew, or cared, that his greed had doomed them as well."

Seventh one : Ron speaks proudly about the unbreakable vow he made when he was five. Hermione asks him what it was about, he says he had sworn he would never say he wasn't a jobbernowl, he dies. Worst thing : use of a real passage of the book.

Eighth one : Ron dies on the chess set. His sacrifice is presented as stupid because it 'had to be another way.'

Nine : Harry uses Sectumsempra on Ron while he is sleeping. Ron dies. Harry transforms his corpse into a sock and burns it.

Last one : after Ron is made prefect, Hermione refuses to have him as a partner, jinxes him and kills him "for the greater good." Particularly nasty sentences : "Harry looked at the badge and fought the urge to go downstairs and ask McGonagall and Dumbledore if they were high when they selected the male Gryffindor prefect this year." / "'Sure', Ron said, completely shocked. 'I was positive you would get it, Harry.' 'You and the rest of the world,' Harry thought darkly." / "I can already see Ron not taking his duties seriously and flaunting the privileges that prefects normally deserve."

I won't comment all of them, but I really want to say something about some of them.

The first one uses a trope overused in Ron-bashing fanfiction : the fact that Ron eats a lot and sometimes speaks with his mouth full. Obviously, the author has forgotten what it is to be a teenager, and especially a thin teenager. Their metabolism needs food, and loads of food, because they are growing up and thin people tend to burn off energy more rapidly.

The fourth makes me sick. (Not that they don't all make me want to throw up.) First since it uses the overused trope I have already mentioned. Moreover for Ron would definitely do what Harry asks him to do, and for Ron is definitely not cruel. And thirdly because... THE BIRDS ! Does it ring a bell, a physical assault on Ron with birds ?

The fifth one. There is absolutely no universe where Ron, I'm-going-to-kill-Malefoy-with-my-bare-hands!Ron, would call Hermione a Mudblood. No. Way.

The sixth. Just because Ron said once something like "It would be nice to have galleons for a change", once "I hate being poor" (ONCE !!!), "Lucky you" (referring to Harry not noticing the difference on his amount of gold when the fake money disappeared), "Where's mine ?" (asking Bill where his money was because Bill has just given Harry a purse full of gold), that's it, Ron is greedy. Just because he doesn't want to be in need. Although he never complained that much.

These people hating Ron for he does not like to be poor are just self-righteous and have very probably never lived in the same situation. They have never been homeless, have received all the gifts for Christmas they wanted, have lived in a warm and comfortable house. It's easy to think about morals when your stomach is full, your health is perfect and well taken care of, and your basical material needs are fulfilled.

I remember a story my dance teacher told me : there was a poor woman in Africa who had lost a husband, a son and a leg in a war and still considered herself luckier than a French homeless person because she had a roof above her head.

I'm not saying that losting a loved one is less terrible. Nothing is more terrible.

Just that hating a fourteen-years old boy who never received another Christmas gift than a maroon jumper he hates but still puts on without really complaining because his mother made it, because he would like to have clothes that fit him or galleons he could spend to offer things to his friends is stupid. Really. And shows a lack of empathy.

Moreover, it's not as if Ron was not generous. All he has he shares it. His galleons, he mostly spends it on gifts for his friends. He gave his Christmas gifts to an house-elf. Ron has a really big, big heart and nothing is more important to him than his friends and family.

Eight. Just. How dares he / she ? That's what I hate with this fandom. Everything is twisted to correspond to the views of people.

Last. The prefect badge. My god the prefect badge. Maybe the most disgusting one, because Harry and Hermione are depicted as thinking the worst of him and somehow echo the 'No one in their right mind would make Ron a prefect'. The fact that Ron is often belittled by the fans who don't think he deserved the badge is reminiscent of the fact that Ron didn't either. Ron didn't think he deserved it. That makes me soooo angry.

Pansy Parkinson deserved her badge, but Ron ? Nooooo of course.

The question of worthiness in Ron-bashing is central. People operate a grading : some characters are better than others. The worst is to think that they do it in real life.

I am really naive. I thought that most readers would be inflamed by such display of stupidity. How wrong I was ! This story had 242 reviews, whose only 12 were critical. On the twelve crital ones, 4 were saying that Ron was just an ordinary teenager with no talent, but that it was a shame to dislike him for that.

The rest ?... At this point I don't know if I want to cry or burst into flames out of rage.

I have warned you before. I warn you again. Be aware of the violence of what will follow.

"More!

In order to get a good nights sleep, I need to read about Ron dying in horrendous and funny ways, due to his folly and vices."

At this point it looks like a caricature, doesn't it ? We can notice, however, that people vent out their frustrations and violence on fictional characters. It's up to you if it is good or not. I think it is sick to post it on the Internet, on a personal level.

"A note to a couple of Ron fanboys that posted. First, don' t like? Don' t read. You can tell it is a bashing story from the summary. Second; each person can interpret the canon events the way he wants. Personally, i see it like this: Ron betrayed and abandoned his supposed best friend when he needed help the most. Twice. And he never even apologised properly! It is not our best moments and actions that show us who we really are, but our worst ones. Because, usually, that is when one lets his true self show. Ron is not a bad person, but he is an idiot in canon."

It actually reflects a way of thinking. Ron is defined by the moment he felt betrayed and argued against his best friend - and he tried to apologize, though didn't make Harry apologize for hitting him - and the moment he left under mental torture - the first one who tells me Ron isn't strong-willed will have to run really fast from my anger, because Ron resisted possession and once rebelled against a thought mass murederer on a broken leg and they know nothing about torture -. For this kind of people, you can't have flaws. You can't be faulty. You have to be perfect. You can't ever be forgiven. This is unhealthy.

"*Insane laugh* I love this story! I've always hated Ron. *Sigh* If only he died in cannon, then my life would be complete!"

Once again I am amazed by the VIOLENCE of such a statement.

"I just love the first one where Ron dies while stuffing his face. I have often thought that he had either Bulima or a tapeworm. I have actually seen someone eat like him. It turned out that this person was Bulimic. How else does someone stuff himself and remain skinny?"

It displays a total lack of understanding of what eating disorders really are. Those are disorders which are really extremely difficult to deal with on a daily basis. They are mistaken here with bad eating manners.

"Are you in middle schoolers? Because that's how they teach you how to write in middle school. Also, Ron IS stupid. His grades show that. And Hermione is always caring and helping Harry, even when Ron is off sulking, jealous of Harry. And who cares if Ron came back after leaving? He still left! And getting his ass off of bed is not an excuse for Ron. He only goes along with Harry because he needs to! To keep being Harry's friend, that is. You're actually as mentally deficient as Ron is, and I hope you learn some proper fucking grammar."

Once again intelligence is confused with good grades. That's how you end up with teachers telling students who don't have good grades that they are too stupid to do anything of their life. Ron is here considered as an opportunist. As if he had chosen to be friends with Harry for fame -internal scream. As if being friends with Harry was easy. As if he had not commited his life to help his friends. Notice that once again someone is judges according to his so-called bad actions (to me, Ron leaving is not a mistake Ron did, as I said multiple times already).

"Oi weasel!, for the first and final time, there will never be an Hermione and you, so stop dreaming about her; she's way, out of your league, otherwise l will make you into an weasel patty..."

Love is seen as a question of worthiness.

"Can the Basilisk eat him? please please let the Basilisk eat him"

Once again the violence strucks me.

"ugh i hate him 2 he always runs away or gets jelous. The one thing he did was play stupid chess. Like geez. I love the owl 1".

Chess is considered stupid. CHESS IS CONSIDERED STUPID, BUT WRITING AN ENTIRE FANFIC TO KILL A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IS NOT. Those people are sickeningly judgemental and self-righteous.

"Thank you, I really needed a good laugh and nothing is more funny than Ron dying in horrific, nasty ways."

*throws up*

"Hilarious. Keep updating. I can't stand Ron. The flaws of Snape, Albus, Remus, Sirius and the rest makes them interesting characters. The flaws of Ron make him a putz."

Notice that Ron is the one character that apparently can't be forgiven for his flaws. Ever.

"Lol, Keep killing Ron, it's enjoyable. It's a good stress reliever to read these. :)

See ! Ron is nothing more than a punching ball to those people. I'm scared, really. Their immaturity is worrying.

"I agree with you about Ron he really is a good for nothing person in canon."

*sees red* That's what I'm fighting against in real life. People telling teenagers (and here one of the most admirable fictional teenagers I've ever seen) with a crippling lack of self-esteem that they are worthless. DON'T LISTEN TO THEM !

"this is so funny. i love the owl treats one. my favourite so far. anyone who dares say this is rubbish will face my anger, dont worry. just because it wont happen in canon dosent mean its not good."

Well, sorry to break it to you, but this is rubbish.

"Harry could have been the next Voldermort or Dumbledore if Ron hadn't infected him wi"

Ron and his friendship with Harry are seen as DISEASES.

"Weasley must die! Weasley must die!"

"I actually don't mind Ginny as a character, but Ron has always severely irritated me. The ending to Deathly Hallows was disappointing - how could JKR stick Hermione with a git like that? Ron's been nothing but awful to her since day one, and let's not even get started on how he's treated Harry...

Not really such a "loyal" sidekick, is he? When it all comes down to it, he's a selfish prat, thinking of nobody but himself. The PoA incident with Crookshanks, then GoF when he accused Harry of putting his name into the Goblet - there's been numerous occaisions in which that red haired git has allowed his jealously to get the better of him and abandoned his friends all because of his own petty insecurities.

Halfway through Deathly Hallows, I was ready to strangle him. I know the locket probably brought most of it on - but I don't see that as an excuse for him to throw a childish temper tantrum and blow up about Harry not knowing what he's doing. Okay, so you miss mummy's cooking, and living your life as a lazy sloth..

No reason to take it out on your two best friends. At least your parents are still alive, you ignorant MORON. I was rather pleased when Harry told him off, though. :)

All in all; Ron has always been an annoying, pain in the butt character to me. Utterly useless, really.

I can't wait to see what other creative ways you come up with to kill him.

*adds story to favorites*

Weasley is NOT my king."

So many things wrong.

Ron has been nothing other than awful to Hermione ? What about 'You're the most wonderful person I've ever met ?' 'She's been perfect, as usual.' ? What about getting detention several times (and one washing bedpans) for defending her ?

[hugee0715]

2018

January

2 weeks into the year I cut my hair, probably like 80% of it. Which I quickly regretted. It just seems like every year starts with me doing something to myself, except this one. This January there'll be no surprise, promise.

I also had to decide what schools and courses I wanted to apply to until the 15th. So being the person that I am, at 23:20 on the 14th I submitted all the forms. Earth science, civil engineering or software engineering? I had another 6 month to find out which path my life would take.

February

This photo was taken at around 6 in the morning when I was on my way to a nearby city to take a language certification exam. I was so nervous because I was going into the C1 level right away, basically blindly with no exam experience whatsoever. I remember arriving and meeting 3 other girls who were there for the exam too. We started chatting and they all said that they took the B1 level previously because their teacher advised them. One has already failed, this was her second time. One was there with a whole book of exercises. They all looked so prepared and for a moment I panicked. If I were to fail that day, I'd have had 40 less points for my university application. And a lost bet with my girlfriend. But I didn't fail neither of those.

I also got my girl into MBTI that month, which quickly became the new astrology of our relationship. ENFP-INTP pairing. Cute, huh?

March

This was the month where I kind of chilled down for a moment. It was totally unjustifiable but I still did, thinking I've got plenty of time still till exams would start. I was going to school, doing some small preparations but nothing major.

April

Now this was the month where I regretted all the laziness back in March. My days were counted and I know that makes it sound like I was about to be executed but that's exactly how I felt.

On top of that, in the middle of the month my mum got hospitalized suddenly. It was supposed to be just a check but they didn't let her leave after it. My days were spent with visiting her instead of going to school. She scared us shitless but slowly she started getting better with each day and by the second week she was already coming home.

May

Oh May. I had graduation right at the beginning of the month and 2 days later my week of exams started. A peaceful image of my table right before maths exam. 20 minutes later it wasn't as peaceful anymore.

School ended for good and we had a monthish time before the second part of it all, which are the oral exams.

June

So many papers, hundreds of pages littered everywhere. Stress, overthinking, contemplating why I even applied for software engineering when I was so sure I'd fail the comsci exam, procrastinating, some self pity and over all panic.

One of the exceptions was this day, my mum's work did a little event. They work with old people, helping handicapped elders. A school building full of people who long left the classrooms, doing all kinds of crafts, little games and even some shooting outside. We sat around painting on glass, doing things we probably haven't done together in like a decade.

29 out of 50 so be careful, sharp shooter right here.

July

The 25th came around and at 20:00 sharp the point limits went live. The website instantly crashed by the tens of thousands of people and my blood was loudly rushing inside my head. Once it finally let me in I was scanning through the names of the different universities, then different faculties and lastly the different courses. Earth science. 290. Less than the previous years. A lot less actually. I got into the place I wanted to so badly. I got in by a ridiculous amount of points.

August

An accidental snapshot of my feet while I am having a mediocre melt down in the middle of a bridge over the Danube. The morning started horrendously, I left my student ID at home but I only realized it on the train. Which meant I couldn't buy discounted tickets but I didn't have enough money for the full price ones. So I called mum who called a friend who has a car that they have to come to the city with my ID within 20 minutes because if I miss the train I'll be late and won't be able to enroll to uni. That got solved last minute when they arrived 4 minutes before the train left, which then arrived to Budapest an hour late, the tram was out of service so I took one of the replacement busses but they only went till the Pest end of Petőfi bridge. Which meant I had to walk over when I was already running late so we could very well say that I was done at this point with life and everything.

September

With this picture we can confirm that I wasn't late for enrollment. This is the place most of my days are spent at. The days leading up to me having to move were filled with a weird type of anxiety. It wasn't the kind I was familiar with, it wasn't as scary. As consuming, as toxic. It was kind of exciting, like the feeling you get before getting on a roller coaster. My girl made it feel like that, the security of having her. If there's one good thing about LDR then it's the fact that I can literally have her anywhere with me and it feels like not much has changed. The calmness that this gave me was beyond understandable. I still had her, so there was no need to panic.

Of course it was still a little challenging, the whole change in our schedules and although it sometimes got a little frustrating, she was understanding and I need to thank her for being my safe spot, for making me so brave when I used to be so scared. Without her I would have never been able to do this and she knows that.

October

This is my view everyday when I go to work and back home. A city of so much magic and beauty and also a city that I can't wait to share with my love.

We had our first anniversary. A whole year of being together. I got off of work just in time before it turned midnight in the Philippines. I had a bag of cookies I made the previous day to show, cute, heart shaped ones. Maybe it wasn't the most ideal way or how I imagined it but the meaning behind it is still the same. A year of loving eachother, slowly changing, slowly realizing who we truly are as a team.

November

I made that! My job's description would most likely be miscellaneous. I stand at the counter, make coffee, help customers, sometimes clean or go to the post office, I'm responsible for the paper bags and cups, but on the weekends, I bake. I spend all my Sundays there quietly doing my job. Cookies, pies and as it was getting closer to Christmas gingerbread as well. I had the most tiring days, one time I spent 12 hours there building 6 of these trees and around another 400 of normal figures. My hands got inflamed by the end of the night because of all the icing I had to squeeze out. But nonetheless this is a good first job. I get to learn around really nice and helpful people. Not even mentioning all the free food I get.

December

A happy girl living a more challenging life than ever but still enjoying it like it's nothing.

Decembers are nice. I think back to all the things that happened this year and how different they were compared to last year. I was whining for 66.66666% of the 2017 post. And for the 2018 one all I can think about are the good good things that happened. None of the bad matters. I had one of the worst and one of the best years of my life after one another. No doubt about that.

So yeah,

2018 was a year that will truly be missed. I loved it. But no need to mourn anything because 2019 will give me even more things to write about at the beggining of 2020. Not to even mention 2021. This is far from the end.

[mentallyfxed]

What if’s 🤔

You’re at a bar when the one person you don’t want to see walks in. Who are they? How do you react? To be honest, I will finish my drink and walk the other way, I don't want to get into it in the middle of a bar, not the place nor the time.

How would you react if you were catcalled? I would say thank you and then flash them my wedding band, it is flattering but I don't want to deal with that.

How would you react if you saw a friend who owes you money spending frivolously? I would go up to them and say, "I see you got money now, where is the money that you owe me?"

Your friends are speaking unfairly about a mutual friend. Do you speak up? Nah, not my battle to fight.

How would you react if you witnessed a victimless crime? I would go over to them because I am an EMT and assess the situation and then call for backup if need be.

What would you do if someone brought up your biggest insecurity in front of a crowd of strangers? That happened already, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me, I could finally marry my husband.

How would you respond to an apology from somebody you still can’t forgive? I can forgive but I won't forget anything.

How would you break up with someone? I would send them roses, and a note saying that it was me and not them.

If you won the lottery, how would it change your life? Truthfully it probably won't because I never had money so I really don't want it nor need it.

Would you trade ten years of your life to be richer? No thank you I do not want to be 38 sooner.

How about to be more beautiful? My husband seems to like the way I look so no.

More intelligent? I would think that I'm smart if I can pass the EMT exam.

Reflecting on the past ⏳

What childhood memory still makes your toes curl? Probably my dad finding my gay porn in my room when I was 13 and sending me to a conversion camp.

What memory makes you swell with pride? Marrying Nathaniel.

If you could relive one day of your life without changing anything that happened, which day would you choose. How I met Nathaniel. That is a day that I will always remember.

What about if you could change the course of events? Nope, I would never even with my father beating me.

Who were you closest to as a child? My younger sister.

What’s something you quit, that you now regret giving up on? Fireball, I don't like drinking much anymore.

What was the best party you ever went to? Probably the surprise party that Nathaniel and I threw for our daughter.

Relationships 💞

Who was the first person to break your heart? Probably my first boyfriend Zach it didn't end well, I saw him kissing my older sister and now they are married.

Who was the last? Nathaniel

How well would you handle a long-distance relationship? I mean I did it when I was in jail so fine.

How would you feel after a one-night stand? Had many of them. Don't care.

Have you ever kept someone in your life who you didn’t get along with — for example, a friend you disliked or argued with? Why did you avoid saying goodbye? Yeah Zach I kinda have to as he is my brother in law

How would your best friend describe you? Oh Emilio, he would call me a crazy fucker.

How would your romantic partner describe you? See the above, the same way.

How would your boss describe you? That I am the most dedicated worker on the force.

How would your parents describe you? They disowned me so they probably would call me the devil.

How would your worst enemy describe you? My worst enemy is my father so he would call me the devil.

Habits and routines ✔️

What do you think about in the shower? How come we can't see our breath all of the time.

Do you stay up late or wake up early? It depends on my schedule it varies from week to week.

What do you do if you can’t sleep? Watch Shameless or Cory ASMR on Tik Tok.

Who or what do you turn to when you’re upset? My daughter.

Are you more of a text person or a phone call person? Why? Text. It is easier to answer people when I am on a call.

What does your morning routine look like? Get up, shit, shower, shave and brush my teeth.

The good, the bad, the ugly… 💀

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever wished on somebody (and who was it)? That scorpions would crawl up their asshole and die. And it was my father.

When was the last time you lied? What made you do it? I lied to my daughter and told her that my parents were on a long vacation, even though they don't know that she exists, it is easier that way.

Is there somebody you haven’t been able to forgive? What did they do? Do you want to forgive them? My mom and dad for disowning me for being gay.

Can you lie easily? Duh.

Do you handle rejection well? Eh, sometimes.

Have you ever done something illegal? Yeah, I give drugs to people that need them without a prescription

Are you more likely to ask for permission or forgiveness? Forgiveness.

What terrible thing have you done that you never thought you would do? Kill someone during the job, because they asked me to, they didn't want to live anymore.

What criticism would your worst enemy would make of you, that you secretly agree with? That I'm fucking crazy, and it is true sometimes I let the bipolar disorder take over.

Miscellaneous✨

If you could erase one movie from existence, what would it be? Paper Towns it was fucking horrible.

What’s the weirdest job you would be willing to do? I'm an EMT so I have done and seen some weird fucking shit.

What’s a job you would never consider, no matter how good the pay? Mayor. Hate politics.

How do you feel in large groups versus small ones? I'd rather be in a large group.

Who was the last person you obsessively stalked on social media? Tom Welling.

What was the last book you read? Did you like it? Why or why not? UnSweetined--the shit that Jodie Sweetin went through is so sad, I feel so sorry for her.