#'I cant do it Im too scared/what if people think Im weird' is so simple but it sounds so fun and hits in a similar way

[doggerell]

lyrics that just gut me like a fish

[herboretum]

big ol text abt me being aroace so🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅ow oka🍅🍅🍅🍅y i get it i know 🍅🍅🍅🍅ow I Talk so much abt being aroace🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 i prmise this is the last🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 time 🍅🍅🍅🍅DAMN okay CHILL🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅read if u wanna 🍅🍅🍅ow OW!!!!!!🍅

ough man sometimes i wish i wasnt aroacespec for the sake of my own wellbeing yanno,,,,,,

its been physically paining me (since the start of the year realistically) knowing im incapable of loving another person romantically, of being unable to feel that passion for someone the way devoted partners would for their other half

it makes (and has made) me cry knowing i wont have that connection probably ever! that i just. cant love on that level! it kills me, genuinely, just not being able to have those moments where i can lean all my trust to one person, to have moments of vulnerability with someone. to be able to have lovesick days or gaze into their eyes or be able to simply reciprocate an "i love you" that they know is more than that simple statement. it fucking kills me man it makes me sick to my stomach

i dont know why. i never chose to be like this!!!! why couldnt i just be normal man!!! theres nothing wrong with me yet theres everything that could have been better! sometimes i get so jealous of people i know who are in really loving relationships. how they can just ramble on about how they love their partner to their core, that every imperfection they see is a beauty to behold. why cant i experience that? like genuinely what the fuck happened with me??

i feel like nobody ever talks about how alienating being aroace can sometimes feel. i feel like what im experiencing should not exist. im aroace not because i chose to be, but because i simply am, and i really hate that about me. theres so many people celebrating and while i can relate sometimes, i also feel like a sack of hopeless shit too!! im like a paradox man idk its wild how actually unfathomable this situation i am in. it doesnt feel real i feel like im contradicting myself 24/7

this is what i mean when i say i live vicariously through other people and my projections onto fiction. i am just that unable to not contradict myself in real fucking life. its so stupid man i fucking hate being here

anyways i digresss:3 not really. ive just been in this weird middle state for over half a year and today just kinda felt like a snapping point for literally no reason ?!?!:; i love being aroace. i really do. but god sometimes it just hurts me knowing theres a version of me enjoying a better life than i am

and lowkey if im gonna theorize, i genuinely think my issue stems from my inability to properly socialize with other people: i am just that fucking pathetic. me being scared of interactions has led me to become avoidant of others, which in turn has probably caused me to act like this im gonna aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaago fishing

[xx-cringe-factory-xx]

Im bored so I am once again talking about stuff I barely understand\d and Im too scared to talk to the hs discord cause it feels like others make me uncomfy cause their fixed morals and actual ability to understand and explain things better than me lmao.

How I see my class and aspect as a thief of void

(alos may talk about lunar sway (mine is prospit leaning), read to find out!!)

woah okay sooo im gonna start with aspect cause that's easier for me to understand and explain why i think it's litterally me.

the voidy stuff!

so the only ways Ive seen void explained is "confusion, unaware, subjectivity" and vague stuff like that whish uh, yeah it's right ig, both light and void are based around their own understanding of things. but it feels like others focus too much on that. void players tend to be confident in what they do understand(or at least I am), even if it may not be a lot or very useful.

cannon examples being: equius with robots, roxy with actually quite a bit(others relationships, the window things, ect.) uhh cant remember any void players lmfao,

also another thing people tend to ignore is that they are hard to understand/ make sense of. once again with equius just overall being veiwed as "oh no, its THAT guy" and roxy just cannonically being imposible to explain/read by dirk. also he never even asked??? so that's part of the issue people dont just ask, most void players would just answer if people asked. like dude??? we dont fucking hide how we feel, its just that others dont even like, put in effort to know. alsowhile im kinda on a tangent about how people dont ask, void players are kinda like "dont ask, dont tell." (haha refference to homophobia) unless they see it as important or relavant. I alos just dont have a lot of oppinions on things that do actually affect me, but that is prolly jsut more of a me thing than void as a whole.

(btw, I am going to take a quick break to go pee before I get into my class, and I will not reread this till after I post it, so I may think of things I wanna change or add, which means i will prolly just be reblogging it everytime i think of somethign knew lmfao)

uh Thevft thievery and tax fraud

(my laptop is overheating slightly, i only have three tabs open)

okay quick thing on why Im not a witch and why I think online quizes keep forcing that apon me with some random ass aspect (THE ASPECT CHANGES ALMOST EVERY TIME :SOB: )

witches tend to not understand that they're doing something wrong/ they just see that what they're doing MIGHT help them, so they do it. they over all do their best to do what they think makes sense without like trying to explain why it makes sense ig(?) witches also dont seem to have many strong oppinions on others outside of every one of their friends is the best, or every one else is either unimportant and does not matter enough to even CONSIDER taking into account when coming up with a possibly confusing plan. while thief's tend to get ahead of themselves they do understand that a complicated plan can go wrong WAY more than a simple one, arvhams razor or whatever.

as explained in the silly brochure thingy that i have spent too much time rereading (lnked on the masterlist thing for classpecting posts in pinned thingy) thief's are also working on higher stakes. focused on an end goal instead of the specifics of what leads us there. which unfortunately leads us to completely ignoring why and who we might've hurt to get us to the end goal. also in the brochure thing it mentioned how thief's work against what they think is how society works (?) (meenah wanting to live on a moon cause of reasons I cant remember, and vriska just in general viewing people as just boring or unimportant) for a thief, theirs them and then theirs everyone else with zero overlap. when a thief get's to close to being like their perception of everyone else they force themselves out of it so it becomes a weird cycle of "woah these people are great" and "these people are making me soft, uhoh gotta fix that"

when in relation to my lunar sway, I'm a prospitian. (woagh) which yikes black and white thinking, and I think i fucking need a good reason for doing things. or at least a reason I think is good. lmao

prospit theif of void(conclusion??)

all together I tend to get uncomfy with people actually understanding and being set on things ESSPECIALLY MORALS. i overall view most people as more mature than me. as in they understand what they view as bad. I like philosophy and the open ended questions that come with it. I'm not really attached to any specific religion or ideas. I do like absurdism on solipsism though. subjectivity is a huge thing for me, it's just that others usually are super strict on what they see as real or true. honestly my only rules/morals for myself are dont hurt others unless it's necessary, and anything is okay as long as you feel good about it and arent ACTUALLY hurting others (as in fuck around and find out, BUT DO NOT ACTUALLY TOUCH OR INTERACT WITH PEOPLE WHO TOUCH REAL KIDS OR ANIMALS YOU SICKF UCK)

anyways uh yeah im a theif of void, i am making all of thisup based on a game thing that didnt even explain it properly in the og webcomic.

I love you (/??) bye

[junibugs]

girl sometimes I have the urge to start writing (including smut) but i actually cannot bring myself to do it like a) i feel it its gonna be mid and b) I genuinely cannot think of how to wrtie smut properly like I read all yalls other ppls stuff and Im like "damn some girl in they room write a novel Shakespeare would cry at". Im also somehow embaressed at the though of writing smut and kinda have the digital footprint fear and am afraid ppl irl would find it, so how did you feel when you started?

when i started my number one fear was definitely being scared that the people i know irl would find me, but thankfully tumblr is a niche enough app/website where i know good and well no one i know irl is gonna be on here unless they're equally as weird as me. second, i adopted a pseudonym (june is my middle name) just to further disconnect myself it because i was so embarrassed about writing smut at the time.

...

when it comes to writing it, what i find works best for me and flows best for me personally is reading the sentences in my head before i type/write them down. if a sentence flows and sounds good when you speak it, chances are it will sound good written down.

when i write, i don't try too hard to sound poetic or smart or anything like that, i try to sound moreso as real as possible. this is kinda off topic, but if youve seen the film 'little women' the scene where amy tells laurie that he's "being mean" is an example where simple language can be the most effective. "mean" is an easy word, not very descriptive, but it's what a real person would use in that situation.

i don't try to sound like anyone other than myself when i write, and sometimes that comes off juvenile, or sounds like jibberish, becomes so specific and niche that people can pinpoint exactly what i'm talking about, or is so broad that no one but me has a fucking clue.

on the digital footprint part; i promise you that unless you post some seriously concerning content that is directly connected to you, that no one is gonna come up to you and tell you "no you cant have this job because you write porn for fictional characters".

theres little to no worry surrounding someone you know irl finding your fanfiction, but rather someone who knows you from fanfiction finding you irl! but in that instance, they already know ur weird and silly so like... dont worry

[yung-goos]

Rambles 0.5

i've been meaning to write. idk about what. but theres a growing need to just write. to let everything out. this will become a word salad at some point. whatever.

emotions. -

yea idk. all over the fucking place. i'm sad, lonely, confused, irritated, tired, uncomfortable, bored, hopeful, optimistic, pessimistic, inspired... theres just no keeping up with it. my mind in a constant war between what to focus on and what not to. shut down completely some months ago.. idk how long its been. distanced myself from friends, family I live with. i've been getting better, albeit slowly, but I'm not too disappointed by that. haven't really explained how i'm feeling to my friends, but they didn't seem too discouraged by my distance. i'm sure they'd understand. what i'm mainly stressed out about is having to deal with the fallout of it all with my dad. he's been taking my distance personally, which i'm torn on if i can blame him or not. now that i feel a bit better, it kind of is now. like, he scoffed when i tried to explain that i'm going through a bit of a depressive episode and get distant when it happens. sometimes i really feel like he doesn't believe me when i talk about how i feel. along with his know-it-all, assumptious attitude about everything, i'm starting to believe thats what makes talking to him so hard. like i think what i'm most scared for is not so much the actual 'talk' but the outcome. i do not know if i can handle if he misunderstands, downplays, confuses me, deflects, or even just gets a bit aggressive, as he has shown to do before... idk... cant help but think this is all on me, for not explaining things to him sooner and giving him a chance to understand fully. like the more time goes on where i - or, even we, at this point - ignore this big elephant in the room, the more i feel like we'll never get the chance to hash it out. we were content on trying to communicate after the first time we argued, and now i'm just stunned and feel like i can't... such a simple problem that could be worked through if i wasn't made to be so spineless. coming to the terms that my social anxiety runs so much deeper than i originally thought is fucking me up. can't even go out with friends without distressing myself over some innocuous interaction. i'm so so tired... i miss being around someone, people, that effortlessly broke down my walls and made me feel complete. i just want to be understood.

love. -

fuck love. not really. im filled with adoration. ambition. commitment. lust. desire. but naw. fuck love. kinda. not really though. it's weird, it's like, all the weird people that i've dealt with over the course of moving and being here has left such a bad taste in my mouth. like even thinking about having to sift through a bunch of people to find the ones who won't make me feel like i'm not even worth it... it makes me itch. despite all that, i'm eager to meet new people. eager to accept people for who they are. eager to work through any issues in whichever capacity with others that i care for and love. i wish people would stay around long enough to bear those fruits of labour with me. slowly accepting the fact that not everyone will. i guess that shouldn't be the initial expectation when meeting people. it would do me wonders if i could fucking understand that, but god it is so hard when people misunderstand and jump to conclusions on your entire character based off of few interactions, or don't even bother to try at all. but shit... looking back, i can't say i'm entirely innocent of not doing either myself. gotta keep reminding myself that we're all flawed and going through this bullshit called life will bring the ugly out of all of us. but yea, despite all this, the love has been felt as of late. spending time around my brother and (surprisingly) my mom, as well as being around my good friend and her friends a bunch this summer has cheered me up noticably... slowlllyyyyy wanting to get back out there fr, but i'd really like to put some things into motion before i do, which brings me to....

life. -

ughhhhhhh. aaaAAAUUGHHHH. i just have this big ole back log of shit i've been putting off for so long. and its like, i know what i should be doing, how to do it, and more than capable of getting it done, but for so long just been paralyzed to do anything (unless absolutely necessary). i had a pretty good conversation with a friend of one of my good friends about this awhile ago. they called it decision paralysis, and i think that's an amazing way to explain what i'm feeling. it's like my brain does not know what to focus on at any given point and just freezes up in response. on top of that, the lack of energy and drive (esp. recently) makes trying to get things done even worse. what's funny though, is that this is the least of what i'm worried about. cuz i know the slightest pivot with a splash of consistency in routine would propel my life forward tenfold. like what i really want is within arms reach, i just want to get over some of these deeply seeded issues before really trying to go for it. need to, even. like if i could go outside without tearing myself apart over some spontaneous, maybe even awkward conversation, i think i'd be unstoppable. maybe. but anyways, despite how everything sounds life is... bearable. oddly pleasant, even. haven't gotten into all the new stuff i've bought, games i've played, things that have brought me joy over these months despite everything, but i think i'll get into that on other posts.

bleh.... i think thats everything. for now at least. now that its all out, i think its time i start carpe'ing some diem or something for once.

[goremet-chef]

trying to control my emotions is so difficult man, like i can be honest with myself and lay out the whole truth, but that little voice inside me will always be like "okay, but what if we dont know the whole truth? what if something happened we dont know about and our fear is completely warranted?"

its sad because its not like.. the 'little voice' isnt an alter or something, its just ME. i bring myself so much misery, i feel so ashamed. i cant believe im our host. i bring all of us down, and im not even being dramatic or anything, i genuinely do. im selfish, and my method of coping with reality is to LEAVE it, when someone else fronts im biting my lip waiting to crawl back into front and take me out of here. i stop our social alters from even ATTEMPTING to be social because im too scared of the consequences (even if its just part of life, it rips my soul apart to be rejected, im so tired of being seen as weird)

its honestly kind of impressive, but despite all this fear that ties me down to the floor, i cant i CAN NOT ask if somethings wrong

i cant do it, because thats admitting defeat. thats me saying 'yeah ill be honest im sure nothing has happened on your end, but ive been drowning myself in anxiety and i need validation that my fear is for nothing like how you probably think it is'

i cant keep doing that. i hate being such a piece of work!!!! its never simple with me, everythings always fine until it literally isnt. ive convinced myself my friends, my closest bestest best besties, ALL hate me and ive been so depressed only for them to act completely normal and then i realize oh actually they dont and i was sad for nothing :] okay!

like. i just.

the last time i was ever open about how i was feeling, was when i was in contact with my groomer. i loved him i think, and i felt like i should be open with him, because he was my FP and the amount of crying i did every day was so pathetic

that was when i learned i had bpd and thats why i acted the way i did, and so i tried to be more open about it because i heard that i should and it would be good for my relationships, but all it did was make him tired with me, tired that i was constantly scared and asking if he still liked me

that was a bad time for me, i cant ignore that. being in constant contact with him was basically just giving me trauma every single day. my system was SO active trying to manage the stress, it was bad. i cant just blame myself for how i was acting, because it was a terrible horrible situation that i dont wish on anyone else, but man i wish i did things different

but like?? its like no matter the option i pick, its still the same!!! different outcome but shitty nonetheless

do i open up and tell the people i love that oh actually im really scared and im constantly afraid you dont love me anymore? or do i just. sit with the pain.

if i tell them, best case they tell me 'no dom, we still love you' and thats that, worst case they get annoyed with me, they see me as too much to handle, they pity me because something is clearly wrong with me

if i dont, then i do exactly what i do now, which is just wallowing in self hate and loneliness for 3 whole days, waiting for something thats not gonna happen because i havent fucking COMMUNICATED that i want it

i think technically, being open is the way to go. if i hadnt been stuck in such a shitty situation with a person like BRIAN then i wouldve probably seen better outcome. im open that i have BPD, so people should be aware what theyre getting into. if they stay despite knowing, they care about me, i know this is true. a lot of people book it once they hear you have any sort of cluster-b personality disorder because they immediately assume yr some kind of abuser, so this already is a good thing that i have people open enough to not immediately classify me as one and run

i just get scared like. what if i ask if somethings wrong and something IS wrong?? what if its my fault? id be so ashamed in myself. i dont have enough experience in human interaction to know how to fully like. handle that situation, the unknown outcome is what scares me the most

[byjovewhataspend]

Twinkle Tailor-- yes!!!! thats great honestly, thats exactly the sort of thing i wanted but hadnt quite reached myself. i loved the idea of him having a useless SOUNDING quirk, with a useless sounding name, but managing to be very good at what he does, and be in exactly the right place. i hadnt considered 'multiple thick layers of cloth as armour', thats really cool! if i ever put this side character in a battle i will 100% use that, as well as the distraction thing. the camo was a thing id thought of already, quickly making up big coats or hats to do quick-changes while tailing someone or to help citizens escape unnoticed. im keeping it to 'cloth' though, he cant make a zipper so he cant make chain mail. i feel if he could make chainmail than he could make a sword too. quirks are so weird, i feel like at a base level what his quirk really does is 'create organic cloth from (some kind of stockpiled source)' and its his own creativity and ability to imagine small details and the shapes of clothe and the way sewing should look that lets him make more complicated things. when he was a kid he only understood simple articles of clothing (Tshirts, basic skirts) but still desired to offload that energy source so he constantly was making tshirts and annoying people with it. when he got older more complicated things became available. hes still always dropping novelty shirts around to annoy people and delight fans

5ports-- weird man

Plainclothes-- yes its 100% meant to be in the same area as Foresight. 'if i look you in the eyes while touching you i will see a silent movie play out about all the choices youll make AND what will happen to you from forces outside your control'. Plainclothes knows how dangerous you THINK you are, in the moment. our mc became anxious about how plainclothes would probably see Jin Bubaigawara (twice) walking down the street feeling anxious and scared of his own quirk and his number would skyrocket and plainclothes would mix up 'mental health spiral' with 'im a bad guy with a gun and im gonna hurt everyone!'. he also is wrongfully reading our MCs fear of his own self destructive quirk as a very high power level and assuming it correlates to a THREAT. so in a way its a little bit in line with a magic empathy quirk-- turning basically 'large negative feelings' into a number, and then hes making his own judgement. definitaly just one of those 'magic' quirks! some of them are like that. Ofa stockpiles... SOULS. and also physical strength. sometimes a guy is just magic, and osmetimes that guy is a jerk XD

hold this for me, please and thank you

[yoshkeii]

"𝙰 𝚜𝚑𝚢 𝚌𝚛𝚞𝚜𝚑"

࿐ character(s): Ushijima Wakatoshi, Daichi Sawamura, Kuroo Tetsurou

࿐ genre: sfw, soft/fluff, comfort, tiny angst if you squint

࿐ type: headcanons (hcs)? / imagine

࿐ requested by: @dumpsterfireinc 

⌦  shymale!reader (he/him)

⌦ ‘if I can request comfort hcs for Ushijima, Daichi, Kuroo, and Oikawa who have a crush on as shy male!reader who thinks the boys should be with a girl and not him.’

A/N: i had to drop oikawa on this one since i cant seem to get his personality out?? i- uh-. i apologize- also my way of writing hcs is weird? idk why i like writing like that, but eventually they’ll shift- somehow- (i’ll probably make a proper hcs post if you want-)

1-16-2021: sorry in advanced if this took waaay to long. im doubting my writings. kinda shit but im just burnt out.

𝚄𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚓𝚒𝚖𝚊:

❀ Ushijima had a crush on you. of course he would, someone so soft, gentle, and shy. he actually found it cute you having those aspects. even though not a lot of people would enjoy such an introverted person at times.

❀ being shy would fit well together with his own personality generally. like being stoic and quiet himself. at some points he genuinely thought you and him were perfect. just two puzzle pieces that could fit together.

❀ he doesn’t know when he had a crush on you till Tendou or someone would bring it up. cause he always somehow had his eyes on you in the halls, classes, etc. 

❀ adding on to his personality, he is very blunt and straightforward with his words. and when you heard those three words from the intimidating captain. made your heart skip a beat, muscles tense, and mind race.

❀ “..y-you.. like me??” the softened tone in your voice echoed within the empty afterschool halls.

❀ “Yes. I just stated that.”

❀ “..I heard you.. you dummy..” you muttered the last words softly. fiddling with your fingers nervously, he always found you fidgeting with something whenever you were nervous or put on the spot. your gaze kept low.

❀ the silence only just settled. making Ushijima await another word from your smaller figure.

❀ but he didn’t expect those words to slip out of your mouth. he never did.

❀ “Why.. Why would you want to be with me.. instead.” your voice still kept your softened tone, but it had a faint hint of sadness. the slight wavering of your voice gave way.

❀ “..isn’t it better to be.. with a girl instead? t-they’re better options. pretty. talented. i-i don’t.. have any of those.”

❀ Ushijima just stared, unsure on what to do. no one told him this would be a scenario or a possibility. thought it was simply just a yes or no to a confession, something quick.

❀ “You also won’t l-look.. weird.. o-odd.. with-” your voice cracked, tears gathered in your eyes. quickly wiping them away with a sniff.

❀ “F-fuck I’m sorry.. for c-crying..” softly cursing as you nervously laughed.

❀ “y/n,” Ushijima lifted your head gently with his hand making sure your eyes looked up at him, “..I don’t care, if people will look at us weirdly. I don’t care if they all knew or not.”

❀ he wiped the tears dripping from your eyes as you stared at him with disbelief.

❀ “I like you. No- I love you. That’s that. I love y/n, and nothing will stop that.”

❀ shortly, tears poured from your eyes from his words. softly murmuring apologizes for crying over this accompanied w/ a smile on your face. Ushijima just wiping your tears away for you, seeing how your face just melts in his hand in comfort. regaining composure after a couple of reassurances from him.

❀ “I-I.. I love you.. t-too.. Wakatoshi..” 

𝙳𝚊𝚒𝚌𝚑𝚒:

❀ mans had a big crush on you ever since you both had multiple shared classes. especially same homeroom.

❀ Daichi and you had an decent relationship, it wasn’t as close like he has with Sugawara or Asahi. having the same homeroom, he always found you alone and minding your own business a desk or two behind him in the back.

❀ sometimes exchanging the simple hellos and small talk whenever Suga and/or Asahi dared him to. knowing how his eyes occasionally drifts towards your direction of the room.

❀ for someone so quiet.. he didn’t know it could be a cute feature. an adorable one if he would say so himself. just seems too s o f t .

❀ your gentle voice always made his heart skip a beat, it was so calming. a remedy to his ears. after a few small talks and interactions, you both managed to hang out a little more often. being invited on study dates sessions since you were also pretty smart in the academics (brownie points!) 

❀ as of right now, his eyes were simply glued on you. just watching you talk about whatever subject. he really wasn’t paying attention... or at all. admiring your features from across the small table on the floor that was littered with notebooks, textbooks, papers and pens.

❀ he knew you were shy so he often kept things low and safe for you whenever you both hung out once in awhile. sometimes exchanging little sticky notes with each other to limit talking.

❀ once he confessed to you, through the last sticky note of his. not a manly way to really confess but he couldn’t figure anything else out for you. didnt want to scare you away.

❀ you stared up at the captain in slight doubt, going back to the note to reread the words written. ‘would you like to go out with me?’ tiny hearts here and there on the note.

❀ looking back up at him, you noticed the slight blush across his face. you realized he was serious.

❀ “..why would you want to go out with me?” your grip on the note slightly tightened, as thoughts began to flood your mind. “wouldn’t it be better- be better with a girl?? a-and.. not me.” you began to slip on your words, gaze slipping down to avoid his eyes as you noticed him looking up at you now.

❀ “..with.. a girl?” Daichi mustered out.

❀ “or.. anyone but... me. I’m not.. popular. I’m not.. p-pretty, c-cute.. handsome.. s-smart either...”  you began to ramble, negative thoughts after another.

❀ “H-hey y/n. y/n..!” Daichi was closer to you now, his hands on your shoulders hoping to get you out of your negative trance.

❀ it successfully worked, making you stop but your gaze still remain low. hearing a sigh from Daichi made you tensed, you liked him too. you loved him. but you don’t know if it was best for him to date you. or be in a relationship in that matter.

❀ Daichi wrapped his arms around you, “Don’t be so harsh to yourself. I denied most of the confessions... j-just.. to ask you out one day you know. I’m confident I want you more than any girl.” he muttered.

❀ noticing you relaxing in his arms made him slightly smile, feeling you hug back. your hands grasping the back of his gakuran, mustering the urge to cry you hid your face on his shoulders. eventually muffling out your soft sobs and various ‘i love you too’

𝙺𝚞𝚛𝚘𝚘:

𝚊/𝚗: 𝚐𝚘𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚐𝚒𝚏 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚖𝚎 𝚚𝚞𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐.

❀ it was obvious Kuroo was crushing on someone. and that someone was you. being one of the assistances, or at this point the team would’ve eventually called you their manager. often there to aid and help whenever needed so you stumbled by the gym many times to either drop something off for one of the members or coaches.

❀ always teasing and flirting with you, which wasn’t such an out-of-character of him. knowing him to be the master of provocation. but often when you weren’t there, he would start talking about you. unconsciously sometimes.

❀ which gave a big sign of his feelings, especially through Kenma. it wasn’t so hard to see, but you were dense and oblivious over it.

❀ he knew you liked him back eventually, seeing how you haven’t turned him down with any of his teases accompanied with the slight blush on your face each time. you were just too shy to say anything about it.

❀ he was aware that you were very shy and introverted. always seeing you staying back or infront of crowds in the hallway and avoided them at all costs. being observant he took note of it.

❀ always managing to catch you away from people or just a little people in the area, he used that time to talk to you more privately.

❀ you both began to get to know each other pretty well each time.

❀ exchanging interests and moments you’ve had in your life. often making you giggle at his silly retorts and remarks, funny moments of his teams and others. he was genuinely seeing a new side of you.

❀ never really seeing you smile brightly and laugh without holding back. it felt surreal and a literal dream.

❀ “Hey, y/n, have you dated anyone yet?” Kuroo looked over at you, eyes staring in curiosity with his common sly smirk.

❀ “I-.. uhh.. n-not yet?” you nervously laughed, messing with the sleeve of your nekoma track jacket.

❀ “Well then.. do you have a crush?” he continued on. 

❀ “O-oh.. Ye-yeah! He probably won’t like me b-back though..” you murmured.

❀ “Wait- He!?”

❀ “H-hey,, Kuroo! Keep y-your voice down please..!!” you playfully punched his shoulder in return he faked an ‘ow’ “..b-but.. yes.. i like a guy.. h-he’s popular so i doubt he would like me b-back.” you looked up at him with a weak smile, hoping to not seemed phased by it.

❀ “Ahhh.. why’s that then.” his curious tone turned stern, tilting his head into his palm so it rested comfortably. “hmmm~?”

❀ “Oh.. w-well.. he’s popular with the girls.. a lot of them a-actually. I bet he l-likes them more than me.. girls are b-better for him anyways...”

❀ “What if they weren’t? He could be gay.. or bisexual... or pan and all that jazz y’know y/n?”

❀ “Thats true.. what about you kuroo-san?” you took a sip of water from your bottle aside of your thigh. 

❀ “I have a crush too of course. And its actually you.”

❀ you choked on the water, coughing out a reply, “w-wait you.. you like me.. me- back?!” you only looked at him with disbelief, coughing slightly still.

❀ Kuroo only laughed at your off-guard reaction, “K-kuroo!! I-it’s not funnyyy..!” you whined, covering your face with your jacket. “hhhh.. g-god damnit..”

❀ after a few moments it went silently, peeking your eyes out from your hidden position Kuroo pecked your forehead. Suddenly aside of you, entwining his hand with yours.

❀ “Of course I like you back~ I want you to be my boyfriend you softie.” 

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

I need to share soft sign language buddies ninogami headcanon because they’re taking over my brain always:

(This got so long, so youre welcome if youre also starved for ninogami content)

Nino’s mom is Deaf , so he grew up signing as much as speaking. When he was younger he always signed as he talked.

It turned out he’s also Hard of Hearing, so sign language is way easier for him to understand most of the time.

However, though he’s great at making friends, he’s very awkward when it comes to talking about himself. So never comes up in conversation.

It’s not a self-deprication issue. It’s just a “thinking of things to say is hard and I’d rather have someone else do the talking” thing. He’d rather talk about anyone except himself.

Additionally! He’s great at helping other people, but he’s terrible at asking for help. He does not EVER want to be like “hey i cant understand what you’re saying, my ears dont work great,” its his worst nightmare

And it doesnt help that there have been a few cases of people being rude about it when he doesnt hear them after they repeat themselves. And possibly worse, there have been even more cases of people giving over-the-top apologies instead of just,, telling him what they said. So it’s not worth the trouble in his mind

with his few close friends who still dont know, it feels like its too late and it’d be awkward to bring it up, so he just… doesnt. He’s procrastinating on telling them he cant hear them

He stopped signing as much as he talked in middle school because strangers would always be like “woah thats so cool, how do you know sign language” and he’d just panic because he was an awkward tween, and he didnt know if he was comfortable telling them he was HoH, but ALSO just saying his mom was Deaf and not mentioning himself felt like directly lying by hiding information, so he just took the “lazy” way out and signed less in public.

Sometimes fighting the anxiety was not worth it so he just let it win in that case.

Nino is so nice and energetic and loves people, but he is way more introverted and anxious than his friends think.

But when they start to get closer, Kagami who is ever-observant, notices him signing a little bit, (not ever to her, not ever on purpose, but he’d sometimes sign a word he needed to remember while speaking or sign along to emphasize something)

and she luckily for his anxiety, she doesnt know how to have a normal conversation either.

Her (platonic as well as romantic) love language is studying and research, and Nino seems very cool and she likes him, even if she is awful at holding a conversation with him or doing anything to show it.

She thinks he’s so cool and such an amazing talented kind friend. She has so much love for him that she doesnt know what to do with it. So she channels that energy into learning to sign through the internet and whatever tools she can find

And then after a while of this, she’s like “oh no, he’s gonna think that’s so creepy, I cant tell him I know sign language or he’ll be so uncomfortable”

So, like a whole idiot, she hides that she’s learning sign language from anyone. Because OBVIOUSLY if word got back to Nino, he’d assume it was because of him and that she was a weirdo he shouldn’t be friends with

But also Kagami accidentally falls in love with sign language because she has undiagnosed autism. She always assumed that communicating was just going to be impossible no matter what, but as she gets proficient in sign language she’s like,,, oh,,, OH,, this is very nice

Even just signing while she talks makes it so much easier to keep words and sentances straight, but she only does it when she’s alone with her mother, who is literally blind and would never know.

They become closer friends in late high school, and by that time a lot of Nino’s anxiety has worn off and he’s become completely comfortable letting teachers know when he needs to hear somthing, and middle school feels like a distant dream

At some point, Nino invites Kagami to his house a few times, and he signs with his mom. Nino is like “I can interpret for you,” and Kagami is like “wow thanks, I’m so lucky, because I obviously do not know any sign language, why would I have learned it, and also for the record it is brand new information to me that you can sign,” and Nino is like “cool? Its not a secret but im glad i told you if you somehow didnt already know,” and Kagami is like, “yep :)”

But then eventually as they become really close, they are texting one night, (Kagami can still barely get out of her house, so they need to communicate remotely. And both of then HATE phone calls bc its so hard to understand whats happening, but neither of them have admitted this to anyone)

Nino admits that he likes using sign language better than talking, and he wishes he could use it with his friends, but he’d feel so guilty asking them to learn an entire language just to make him slightly more comfortable. He can talk and hear OKAY so he shouldnt put the pressure on them.

and Kagami is like “you could always ask, worst case scenerio they say no, and i dont think thats an unreasonable demand” and nino is like “it is though,” and kagami’s like “ok so haha funny story, please dont hate me” and nino is like, “…what.” And kagami confesses everything and nino is like “why… why would i hate you for that?” And Kagami is like “oh wait youre right im stupid,”

And then Nino’s also like “hey if YOURE more comfortable signing too, then why dont YOU ask your friends to sign for you. Do you see what i mean? It’s hard to ask-” and kagami is like, “as your friend i will prove it is not.”

So then Kagami ends up confronting Adrien and Marinette the next day and is like “Hi. This is a sign language dictionary. Learn from it.” And they’re both like “what?” And she’s like “oh wait sorry. Backing up. I’m autistic. I decided like three years ago. Forgot to tell you. And I need you to learn to sign a little bit so you can understand if i sign something at you. If you want, of course. Please :D.” And theyre like “ok sure yeah i can do that.”

(Theyve already learned and accepted that shes extremely direct in asking for things)

So then she texts nino and is like “i did it. Youre welcome.”

But anyway both of them are uncomfortable in crowds and parties: Nino cant hear anyone and Kagami tends to get sensory overload, so they start signing mostly in those situations, and then it starts to sink in that they’re allowed to sign whenever and that the other really IS also comfortable with it.

(Both of them are much more willing to make sacrifices for others than to try something new and intimidating for themself, so this is the perfect situation to trick them into getting out of their comfort zone, ironically by trying to be more comfortable in the long run)

so they will just sit together and hang out and have long conversations while just chilling somewhere in a park or at cafes or whatever. Both of them become chattier than they’ve ever been because talking and understanding is so much easier, and its addicting

And their close friends all become proficient enough in sign language to have simple conversations.

But also Nino and Kagami start sitting together automatically even in group hangouts, and they start hanging out more with just the two of them, and soon neither of them feel bad about asking to hang out in quieter places, because they can justify it knowing that it will also help the other one, and together that makes both of them also more comfortable asking for little accomodations from other friends, if only to prove to the other that they can do it too.

And Kagami has the lesser-known autism side effect where she makes WAY TOO MUCH eye contact. She’s aware of it but that doesnt make it go away. Normally she feels so awkward about it, and overthinks her gaze because she doesnt want to scare people away. But when signing, you literally HAVE to be watching the other person constantly, so she has an excuse to just be herself, and its so relieving

(and also its kind of fun to look at Nino anyway because he can get so animated and his smile is really nice and oh no she is in love a little bit)

And Nino always struggles because he emotionally ALWAYS needs to be the nice polite one. His anxiety sometimes gets the better of him and he’s constantly worried about sending the wrong signals to his friends and coming off as rude somehow. But with Kagami, he can literally just ask?? And she will tell him her honest opinion without making it weird. And its so comfy and so good and he really loves hearing her unfiltered opinions on so many things because she sees the world in such a unique way and she gets so passionate about such little things and then oh no, he is fallen for her before he can realize it

And they also learn that they’re both artists, they both love to just observe the world because even if they;re awkward, people are actually pretty great most of the time, and its fun to observe them and try to capture the world, and they just sit together and sketch, or they watch each other sketch, and the thing is, both of them draw ONLY FOR THEMSELVES, its not a ‘skill,’ and they don;t want it to be, its just private art for relaxation. Somehow, though, its okay if they share their art with each other. They can just sit in comfortable silence for hours while one of them sketches something and the other watches patiently

And they start to get more comfortable with one of their heads resting on the other’s shoulder as they watch them doodle, and sitting so close their legs press together, and soon enough their hands start brushing against each other’s as they walk next to each other and then all of a sudden they’re casually holding hands whenever they’re not signing because it’s nice

They try to share headphones so Nino can share some of his favorite songs and his compositions with Kagami. But try as she might, Kagami can not handle the sensory of only having one earbud in. Nino knows her tells by that point, and he’s not about to let her suffer for a stupid reason, but she REALLY does want to hear his music. They somehow end up with Kagami putting a pair of headphones around her neck and turning up the volume a little bit so she can hear, while Nino rests his head on her shoulder so he can hear just enough to know where she is in the song

And then he has to sit up and scootch away just enough to see her hands so they can talk about it, and they both pretend not to notice how nice it was to snuggle as they sign. Its fine, though, because now they get the excuse to just look at each other again and sign overdramatically with exaggerated facial expressions, and no one else around can overhear their conversation, and Nino likes to go a little over the top when signing onomatopoeia and acting out particular parts of the song rhythm that he likes, and Kagami laughs, and they both mentally save the image of each other in this moment the same way that they look at reference images for artwork, memorizing the lines of each movement and the things that make each smile unique,

and Nino also shows up at every single one of her fencing tournaments, and he sits as close as he can and signs encouraging messages to her from the crowd whenever she’s not actively competing, (that her blind mom can never catch, which is somewhat of a bonus to Kagami, because every element of their friendship that her mother cant interact with makes this more personal and special and HERS). Every little sign she sends back at him, even a simple thank you, always feels so good and rebellious and free because shes supposed to be focusing on fencing but shes deciding to care more about friendship. And even if she’s expected to leave immediately afterword, she’ll find every excuse possible to find him and give him a hug, which he’ll always accept even though she jokingly warns him shes sweaty and gross

And eventually they are special best friends and it brings them instant joy to see each other and theyre able to interact for no reason other than that they want to and like each other

(And then they kiss)

[furiosity-wills-the-cat]

Chara, the fourth Blook cousin:

A crack theory that accidentally become way more serious than it should have because it somehow, despite my best efforts, ended up making sense

Brought to you by my idiot conspiracy brain (affectionate) and by encouragement from my Tumblr followers

Under the cut for the sake of your dashes and sanity

Ok here we go my very elaborate accidental theory, because in order to answer the complex questions simply you must first make simple things more complex or something

First, you need to know that Chara became a Blook cousin by adoption.

All of the Blooks are adopted.

Ghosts are not born into families, they make their own.

Got it? Great, because we’re about to start running

so first, im gonna make surprisingly uncommon claim in this fandom, and I am going to say that undertale ghosts are all dead

I’m taking the tiny details we know about ghosts and sprinting with them to new places

Ghosts also do not have souls I decided

Undertale souls do not work the same as souls in traditional mythology

So every ghost is soulless Unless and Until they become corporeal

Evidence: Monster souls cant exist without bodies, and ghosts are monsters, therefore ghosts cannot have souls without bodies

Further evidence: Asriel doesnt steal blooky’s soul, blooky is unkillable, we have no concrete evidence that blooky has a soul

What about mettaton? He only has a soul after he has completely committed to being corporeal and to a specific body.

Also maddy and mettaton are both only killable while corporeal

Im also connecting the dots we have about souls in a new creative way so let me live for a second

Additionally, i am going to claim that there are a lot more ghosts than just the blooks, some evidence given below

Theres like actual scientific knowlege of ghosts in the undertale verse which seems unlikely if theres literally only three or four

The underground is so much bigger than you think, theres that giant forest in snowdin, a large town in the ruins, the huge city of new home, who knows how much space in the large open areas of waterfall etc. Its really really big okay

Also based off evidence of blooky, we can conclude that ghosts can turn invisible whenever they want to and/or haunt objects to hide

So I personally think that ghosts are, generally speaking, extremely reclusive

And the blooks are just a special exception, a beautiful family, amazing for them

So anyway im going with typical ghost lore for now, for the sake of ease, so im gonna say ghosts generally come from monsters who are particularly restless or unsatisfied when they die

HOWEVER i dont think they remember being monsters or anything before being a ghost. They just kinda fizzle into existance with a fully formed personality and immortality while being unkillable and feeling vaguely uneasy

ALSO i personally think that chara was a ghost for a long time before they became a blook by adoption

Based on game lore, i think ghosts can possess any inanimate object and just kinda wear it? But it takes a lot of strong emotion to become corporeal

And chara is the super weird exception because they were a human not a monster.

They dont have a soul (i headcanon that their soul got destroyed when asriel died)

And they KNOW this, which is a huge part of why they kinda just... give up

Because they lost their ability to fulfill prophecy

Also, without a soul, they lost their ability to reset, so for the first time since falling underground, theyre subject to the relentless march of time

But theyre still weirdly strong and powerful and more emotional

ALSO they DO still remember being a human but they catch on pretty quickly that other ghosts dont have memories and because chara is stupid they just lie to fit in

Theyre too tired to explain themself, they just want to be alone and feel awful

Now back to ghost lore

Emotions are a lot harder for ghosts??? I decided

And they dont know why,, they tend to blame it on the soul thing

But realistically its actually more of the immortality thing making actions not have consequences and/or or not having a body so they cant have a sense of touch or have physical effects of emotion

They all know that ghosts just tend to be way more floaty and bored and numb

And thats part of why the blooks are so special

Maddy’s rage and Mettaton’s yearning and Napstablook’s misery are like... not great all of the time...

but theyre also way way more emotion than most ghosts have,,, they are just a family supporting each other, being as functional as they can,, just an emo(tional) ghost family

most ghosts barely do anything except like stare at walls but the blooks have their snail farm and that helps them have purpose and it is good

And they hold each other accountable and it is nice

So anyway chara just chills and is in a depression coma for a few decades before the blooks find them and are like “our child/baby cousin”

and they raise them for a cool minute

They are all very protective of the new baby emo blook

And chara doesnt get therapy but at the very least they once again have a family, and they decide they want to try to become corporeal eventually just like mtt and maddy

So anyway chara starts hanging out in the ruins a lot more and they finally tell the blooks theyre leaving to go become corporeal in the ruins

This is actually because they are trying to hang out with toriel

because they miss their mom ;;

but chara’s not gonna admit that to anyone, especially not to themself

And because theyre still repressing their emotions constantly and pretending to be fine, they cant become corporeal

And they hang out in the ruins for a long time because they feel guilty lying to everyone about everything

They still feel like its their fault that all the monsters are stuck underground, because they were SUPPOSED to save everyone and they COULDNT and it HURTS

But again, they are doing too much repression to use this guilt to become corporeal,

so instead they just kinda hide and watch toriel from a distance and cry

Blooky visits them the most, thats why blooky is chilling in the ruins so much at the start of the game

Theyre just there to visit their shy baby cousin ;;

Ofc they wont tell frisk about this because chara wants space and privacy and blooky respects that

but maddy and mtt also visit them a lot

Oh also when mtt and maddy start dissapearing, blookys mental health plummets as their family and support system starts to dissolve

Blooky was actually doing extremely well (for a ghost) for a long time, i headcanon,

but theyre doing the worst theyve been in a long long time during the game, because of family issues

So anyway, chara dissapears when frisk shows up, and maddy assumes this is becaude frisk hurt their fragile feelings

Maddy spends hours desperately searching the ruins for chara and cant find them and assumes that they had their heart crushed and went to hide and disappear in a depression coma for another few decades, and thats part of why maddy is so furious with frisk

Like,, to be clear, maddy is still jumping to conclusions and throwing blame around with no proof, but also, its a logical conclusion to come to

And mettaton has already disappeared too and been gone for a while, too, by this point, so it hurts even worse

But anyway, what actually happened to chara is that;

Because chara is a human ghost, not a monster ghost, normal ghost rules dont apply to them

And they can possess living things too they find out

Maybe they knew it a long time ago, maybe its a new discovery, but for whatever reason they end up possessing frisk and theyre like “what the heck”

And frisk still has most of the control

But now chara is like,,, “this is my chance, im a human again, gotta save the world for real,,,”

and they cant explain this to anyone without revealing their past

so they just chill in frisk’s mind while being super crypic and trying to figure out how it works

Pacifist route, this is pretty much exactly what happens

They manage to help frisk save the day

And in my headcanon, the no mercy route is started by frisk who is scared when faced by monsters attacking them

And then chara, who was aready hiding in a semidepression coma for a while, immediately transitions to a panicked “gotta protect this body, gotta protect my chance to be human, i died and threw away my chance to save everyone the first time, i CANNOT lose this chance again”

And so the combination of both frisk and chara is the genocide run

Because frisk kills in self defense, and whenever frisk hesitates, chara jumps in

Also theres leftover feelings from the whole asriel incident

Because again, ghosts come from monsters who died unsatisfied

And chara’s main source of unsatisfaction is how they were trying to get asriel to kill people before he died and then he didnt

So thats a strong strong feeling ruling them

So anyway by the time they both realize how bad its become they figure its too late and also the amount of LOVE has made them numb

And thats when chara who, despite everything, still has idiot hero complex and thinks they need to save the world

So, while panicking, they step in at the very end, and erase the timeline and delete everything

And also to clarify

They DONT HAVE this power at any other point in the game

Because, guess why

They become corporeal

Just like maddy, the no mercy route is the only thing that gives them strong enough emotion to spontaneously become corporeal

So they become corporeal and as soon as they have a soul again and can reset again, they just erase everything

Ok back to fluff

Post pacifist route, they are still a non corporeal ghost

They can still float around and look just like the other blooks

And it takes them a while to open up about things, but they do end up moving back in with blooky so that blooky isnt completely alone

And also they do way better with a family

Also they can float through the mountain and talk to flowey down below and bring him news

And now that they know about him, they can bond with him and explain that they dont have a soul either but that doesnt mean theyre worthless

Oh ALSO

The other dead humans dont have ghosts

BECAUSE

ghosts only come from restless dead MONSTERS

and chara is the weird special exception

Because they were a monster when they died

They became a ghost and asriel didnt because they were way more restless and stressed than asriel was when both of them died

Like sure, asriel felt awful, but chara was the one who was way more like “this is my fault, i CANT die now, the world NEEDS me”

So anyway

charablook the emo tween ghost and asriel flowey the eldrich goat daisy are siblings once more and they hang out and eventually they are okay and have a family again

Thank you for reading, this has been my thoughts on a crack theory that accidentally went too far

This isnt even everything, maybe i’ll make a part two eventually, but i promised to have this post out like two days ago, so i wanted to post SOMTHING

Anyway leave your thoughts if youd like

Im not looking for people to disprove it, i already know its crazy, i dont think it was intentional by the game writers, but i do think its a fun concept

thats the fun of it, so if anyone wants to run with it im all for it lol

Thanks again! Have a nice day!

[charlieisacastle]

Edge of Sleep Plot Holes

please do not read this post if you don't want spoilers or noticing plot holes ruins your experience of the story!

its not my intention to shit on teos. i just thought some ppl might find this interesting like i do!

okaaaaay fellow peeps that pay too much attention to story plots!

lets start with the tame ones shall we,

1. name confusion:

this one is most definitely fixed in the show but in ep2 they call the 16 year old John. but in ep3 when linda is doing the autopsy she calls the 16 year old Dewain. i think they accidentally mixed up his name with the old patient with heartburn.

2. papua new guinea:

linda just k n o w s where the island dave is referring to is and how long its gonna take to get there with a plane???? how???? we dont get ANY description where linda does a quick google search or idk any other clue as to how she'd know that. i hope they give her a phone in that scene in the show so she can do a quick search cuz that was just weird to me tbh.

now on to actual plot holes...mostly about linda...they definitely could've worked on her section more tbh!

3. internet:

in ep2 linda asks dave to give her a ride bc her phone isnt working. since they can still call each other and even linda herself calls the hospital later in the story, im assuming she means her internet isnt working so she cant get an uber.

but that raises the question of how linda managed to google those victims' names in ep5 if they didnt hv any internet before. now i dont know how things work in US so maybe there is a very simple explanation but where i live if your cell data isnt working then the wifi isnt working either.

4. linda and dave finding out that sleeping kills people:

when linda calls the hospital to confirm her hypothesis that sleeping is whats killing people and she finds out that her co worker is dead, why doesnt she call the hospital again to let them know?

they had already set up tension between her and the doctor/other nurses so itd still make sense for the stroy if they dont believe her and leave. but it doesnt make sense for linda's character who is written as the "voice of reason" and the "calm and collected one" to not share her findings with the people in the hospital.

in my humble opinion, the scene where dave calls matteo by the hospital hoping he is still awake, shouldve also happened when they find out that sleep is the answer...or rather the anti-answer lol.

if linda and dave called the hospital and matteo by the car it wouldve made much more sense and also shown us a more compassionate side of them both. now being in shock and confused by all of this is absolutely an option for dave but linda was calculating from the start so its very out of character for her to not warn others.

6. night owls:

a lot of people are awake at 4 am. some ppl work night jobs just like dave and matteo and some hv insomnia or woke up for an early jog. it absolutely makes sense for most of those ppl to be back to their houses and asleep by 10 am but linda and matteo driving around the city and not seeing A Single Person or Any Shops open at 7 am is impossible. some drug stores are opened 24/7 and even if the cashier is asleep/dead, the doors are still open. not to mention that some ppl r driving back from their night shift around that time.

if the time when they drive into the city was around 11 am most of these problems wouldve been solved bc by then most ppl would be asleep.

5. the timezones:

if the...lets call it 'the attack' was at 4 am in california then its 7 am in the east coast and the day has already started in the other side of the country like nyc and dc. not to mention the rest of the world. in the first day at least half of the world is still alive and alerted about the fact that the other half is dead.

and even in the west coast some ppl r still gonna be awake and scared. yes most of those ppl wont survive by the third day but there would definitely be survivors in the first day or so.

other people can and probably will figure out that sleep is whats killing everyone just like linda and dave did and even tho most of them wont hv the supplies our protags hv (like the modafinil or a private airplane with a trained pilot...or a whale telling them where to go...) some could actually hv even more physical resources than dave and the group.

there r 7+ BILLION ppl in the world to assume that these four r the only ppl (other than the tribe of course) that r still alive especially in the first few days is ridiculous.

now why does that matter? bc dave is presented as the middle man. the one who is both empathetic but also mostly logical. he isnt too positive neither too negative, but realistic. so for him to constantly say and genuinely believe that they r the only ppl alive breaks the immersion and makes the story feel artificial. for someone like dave not to wonder what happened to other ppl who r out there struggling and instead believe everyone is already dead by the second day is unrealistic and too apathetic for his character.

not to mention that it makes the world way too centred around our protags. that usually happens when most of the story is from the first person perspective and i KNOW that its supposed to make us feel as isolated as they r feeling but again, its a bit too much and makes the story unbelievable and artificial. instead of living on earth they r living in a snow globe if that makes sense.

6. parasomnia + REM sleep behavioural disorder:

this one is less of a plot hole and more of a "plz explain this in season 2" thing.

there r other ppl with dave's disorder. so does that mean the old man also contacted them? did any of them join the trible in the island?

or is dave special like they foreshadowed by the fact that the tribal people had dreamt of him?

(also i know we hv spirit monsters in this story so not everything is "logical" but does the fact that there r sleep walkers mean that the ppl that r dead can be revived? bc they were walking and talking and u usually cant do that if ur brain is burnt...)

I NEED ANSWERS

k.bye.

[lucidmagic]

Before i rant, just thank you in general for writing donna, girl needs more love from the fandom, and thank you for including relationship build up with angie too.

Chapter 1 of your donna fic was a master piece, i love shy quiet lesbian disaster donna, and lil shit angie who almost got punted across the room, they complete me.

Reader punching a kid : she protecc, she attacc, but most importantly donna likes her back

I cant stop imagining angies little chaotic ass being adorable on a little swing, and the awkwardness of being invited to a dinner with your future wife and step daughter had me tense😁

On a little bit of a serious note (shocking because im never serious) i understand that feeling way to much of having a bad relationship with your dad and then having them, well, croak on you, on sorta being left in this "how am i supposed to act, do i have the right to react, what do i do, how does this make me feel" type of cycle and its a bitch so thank you for throwing that little bit in on what the therapist said (cuz ya girl is too broke and closed off for therapy) and how its hard to know about how people are entitled to their reaction and views on it but not be able to connect it with yourself.

Now that im done oversharing talking about my daddy issues, how are you, are you good, getting sleep and self caring? I hope your doin well and taking care.

Thank you so much! I’m so glad you enjoyed my fic of gay pining and a feral doll. And I don’t mind you ranting, I actually prefer it as it shows me that my readers love what I write!

Donna honestly was under utilized by Capcom in my opinion and I desperately want to know more about her than what was shown. I mean she only got like two lines of dialogue! WTF

Also punting Angie across the room would be my first act if she ever jump scared me. She’s go flying! And also protecc and attacc is just a constant lesbian mood it’s no joke. I will fist fight anyone who disrespects my Donna 😤😤😤

Don’t worry about the dinner, it’ll go absolutely smoothly no problem or drama at alllll 😏😏😏

I’m sorry about your dad and complicated nature of mourning someone who’s relationship to you was... tense to say the least. Hopefully you have some sort of closure or acceptance since then. Also don’t diminish the trauma you had by just calling it daddy issues. You feelings matter But unfortunately society reduces them to ‘daddy issues’.

To be honest I has hesitant to add the complicated parental death in because grief is so intricate and weird and people don’t always mourn like you would think. I’m also glad that what my fictional therapist said helps you in some way even if it was simple. Sometimes that’s all therapists do is say things in simpler terms that resonate with you. I’m thinking of delving more into the grief side of Donna, but not too deep because I have limited experience with loss and I doubt I will do the character justice from that perspective. But I’ll certainly be addressing her mental illness side and hopefully lay the ground work fo her to get better in some way. I highly doubt that the village has mental health services up to date with modern standards (unless it’s modern in terms of the 1800s). So there will be discussion on that.

Overall, I’m doing good! I’ll be traveling soon so an update will likely finished in about a week, life be gentle. My summer will be busy with my on lab and research project but I doubt it’ll truly hinder my fic.

Again I’m so happy you’re enjoying the fic. It’s the first one I’ve published in over five years so breaking back in was tedious. ❤️❤️

[notesinrealform]

my personal style signifier is probably that i always wear jeans. most notably my baggy levis jeans that are as comfortable as sweatpants. what so many people (including myself) love about denim is that it can be dressed down or up. 

a place i cant wait to go back is paris. its my all time favorite cities. theres something so magical about walking the streets of paris and every street having a historic story. its weird to say but the city makes me feel sexy and hot and no city has made me feel like that. i cant wait to just wander around the seine and drink 40 moscow mules.

my style icon is a mix of the 90s it-girls (gywenth paltrow, kate moss e.t,c) and the new it-girls including bella hadid and paloma elsser. but im also inspired by the ultimate french gals such as jane birken. so basically i cant choose for shit so those are my style icon(s). 

the last thing i bought and loved was an afghan coat from vinted. i have too many afghan coats for my own good and i never wear them out but they are so satisfying to have. 

there are two books I’ve read in the past year that I’d recommend: the silent patient by alex michaeldies is a thriller and a page turner. the plot twist is insane. and i would also recommed the nanny by leila slimani. both deal with crimes and im a sucker for true crime so naturally those are the books i gravitate most towards.

i have a huge collection of jackets. vintage thrifted jackets to be exact. theres something so amazing about seeing a nice jacket with an ever nicer price-tag. i have about 25 jackets and the number is only growing. is that braggy to say? 

in my fridge you’ll find everything that doesn’t belong to me because i have a shared kitchen. so bascially the biggest vain of my existence is not having my own kitchen. but give me three months and then ill give you a proper answer to this question. 

ive just rediscoverd headphones. i think ive rediscovered it along with the rest of the tiktok girlies. but i live in cold amsterdam so headphones serve as two purposes; music and earmuffs. 

the last item i added to my wardrobe was my moms old burgundy leather jacket. i love stealing my moms clothes because i like saying “oh yeah it was my moms old jacket.” she has the best vintage leather jacket collection. she would always get them at a store in ethiopia that exclusively sold leather goods. 

i could never do without mints and eucalyptus oil. these two things purify my body and rehydrate me. i always have mints in my bag, not because im scared to have bad breath but because i just fucking love mints. also sniffing eucalyptus oil is the reason ive made it this far in life. 

an indulgence i could never forgo is pasta. when i telll you i have a sexual attraction to pasta i mean it. its just soooooo good. my favorite pasta is carbonara but then theres also a simple cacio e pepe and i also love spaghetti al limone and i wont say no to a bolognese. my favorite restaurant for pasta is in berlin and its called piazza bra. they change their pasta menu everyday and its written in italian so its the real deaaal.  

an object i would never part with is a ring that i bought with my mom in ethiopia. its real silver and has a pink spot in the middle. its the longest piece of jewellery ive owned without losing. ive had it since 2019 and i plan to keep it that way. 

i never leave the house without my phone. that might be an annoying gen-z answer but i pay my  whole life with apple pay so no phone means no food for the day. 

an artist id love to collect is probably david hockeny. i went to his exhibition in brussels late last year and his art just puts a smile on your face. its so vibrant and the addition of all the color is just so fun. he had this one painting that was of two guys sitting by the pool in miami and it gave me all the gianni-versace-miami-beach-art-house-90s feel. 

i get my best ideas when im fed and hydrated. thats maybe a boring answer but when my body is well then so is my mind. more times than not im starving in my dorm and the only thing i think about is my next meal. so i can really only get a good idea when im fed. 

the best souvenir ive brought home recently is the essential oils i bought in trinidad. its definitely not a classical souvenir but it makes me happy. i also had a fun time roaming the caribbean store filled with essential oils so its a worthy mention. 

my favourite app is probably vogue-runway. its only my favourite app as of two weeks ago but i love staying up to date with all the fashion week looks. they have an option to save your favorite look to certain boards a la pinterest and so ive just been organizing looks ill never be able to afford. 

ok bye xx

[dateamonster]

can i ask if you have any recommendations for horror films? im trying to get more into the horror scene but havent had a chance to watch any films until recently. anything goes, but i trust your judgement in terms of what classics and newer stuff are worth watching :]

sorry it took me a hot minute to get to this i was Going Thu It. but anyway its kinda tough to give solid recs to someone without like having an idea of their taste. horror movies are.. they vary pretty widely in like tone and content and something thats good for one person might be genuinely just uncomfortable for another, so take these with a grain of salt.

my favorite classic slasher is hands down the texas chainsaw massacre although i think halloween is also a really good place to start if ur interested in that sort of subgenre because chances are even if youve watched absolutely 0 horror content you will have likely come across like aspects of it already through pop culture. its considered such a staple of the genre for a reason and as someone who didnt even watch it until fairly recently, i think it holds up!

in terms of more recent work, once again theres a reason people hype up jordan peeles stuff as much as they do. i went to see a showing of get out with my mom who normally cant stand horror and she enjoyed it enough to give us (a much more like traditionally terrifying movie) a chance. both are chilling and fucking iconic.

if youre at all interested in found footage (which i know some people are gonna complain is overdone to hell and back and theyre not wrong per se, but i personally think its a fun immersive way to get into the genre especially if youre already familiar with like videogames and args that already play with this kind of framing) the blair witch project is again very good and so much a part of the culture now youll probably find yourself already familiar with some aspects of it.

but mainly i bring up found footage because if im gonna give any recommendations today i need to talk about the creep movies. creep on its own is a very strong film that takes a really simple concept-- what if there was just a really weird guy-- and runs with it. that being said, creep 2 is a masterpiece wholly unlike pretty much any other movie of its kind. theyre scary, darkly comedic, and for me basically the gold standard of what horror creators can aspire to even with a low budget and a very simple story.

anyway this is way too long now. tldr i can give more specific recs if i have a better idea of the kind of stories and scares you like, but imo in terms of classics: halloween, the texas chainsaw massacre, the blair witch project. in terms of more contemporary horror: get out, us, creep, creep 2. those are like the big favs at the moment at least.

good luck on ur spooky journey!

[simple-ponderings]

Universal Guidance- Pick a Card

Welcome back to another pick a card. This is one is mostly centered on where you are on your journey right now and the advice The Divine wants to relay to you. This time Ive done something different. Ive done some shufflemancy and added songs for you to listen for any additional messages. These messages may or may not resonate as its a general reading and thats ok. There are always messages being sent but they wont always be for you. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and ask God or whoever you feel a bond most strongly with, to help you choose a pile. 

+++PLEASE READ! Before you go down to your reading, I wanted to say that the most prevalent theme happening for all groups is that you’re all going through significant change. The Death card and The Last Judgement card came out for all three readings. All of us are experiencing change in different ways. I believe this is something being Divinely orchestrated. Things that need to end and also come to fruition will come to pass, whether you are ready or not. Hang in there everyone. We will get through this.++++++

 Pile 1: 

While shuffling I saw and got the notion of a journey, or the beginning of one. Traveling. There were sperm whales, mermaid tails, deep sea. Traveling on a rocky mountain, like in LOTR. I also saw a volcano. There was a weird wooden gate, with black bolts that looked like the Dolce & Gabana logo. 

Im getting the feeling of stubbornness. Almost as if there is something you know you need to be doing or not doing, and then you dont do it or do it anyway. The Death card was overall energy and then when I went to clarify Princess of Pentacles it came out again- quite quickly too. Is there an ending you are hesitant to release? Maybe it has to do with your habits, mindsets, aspects of yourself, or the people who have served their purpose in your spiritual journey. Regardless, something needs to come to close so that other cycles in your life-whether its having new friends, obtaining a new job, or learning something new, or anything, may begin. It can even be so simple as “The New You” emerging. Its like youre stuck in the past I think, with memories of someone or how you used to be, and now that that has been taken away youre kind of unsure of yourself and where to go. Maybe you feel a little ungrounded and not really confident?...Im really starting to get the feeling that this was a person you were dealing with, and they just couldnt really deliver. Its like being around them for so long has sucked you into weird environments that arent really in your best interests. I know this is a general reading but this is a feeling I cant shake, I apologize if this message does not resonate with you. If it doesnt resonate then it is not for you. This person, was most likely sent for your activation and transformation. Im sorry that its so unpleasant :(. You need to break free from this. Its like youve experienced both the really dark aspects, and now are coming to experience the really light aspects. I think this is what new cycle awaits you, but you are hesitant to let it because you’ve been exposed to that darkness for sometime. Maybe you even comfortable in it because it may be what you expect? This is just one stop on your journey, even though it feels as if it’ll stretch on and on and on. Give yourself time to grieve that which was lost. But remember you must get back up eventually, and begin building your new reality. You arent alone in this. You will soon leave the desolate rocky terrain and move into beautiful meadows filled with flowers. But its up to YOU to go out there and create your reality- your life, your legacy that makes you happy and is for your highest good. You are being pointed in the right direction, you are always being guided. Believe that for yourself no matter what others tell you, or no matter how things seem, or no matter what even you think. Dont let the negativity of others stop your abundance, your uniqueness, and most of all the beauty of your soul. There are some important things for you to consider: 777 and Volcanoes. Also you might wanna give the song “No Running Water” by The Flashbulb a listen for additional messages. Thank you for reading Feedback would be greatly appreciated!! 

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Pile 2:

 While shuffling, I saw an open path with wild grass on either side. The road was made of dirt. There was the word DATE written in red with other words. It looked like some sort of official document. I saw Space, and a blue light being. This pile felt a little dark, like some heavy energy but not too heavy- more like somberness. 

I feel like theres this onset of spiritual power, but you may feel as if youre not ready for it or its too much. Or it could even be that you experience emotion very deeply. And so you kind of focus on the material and logical aspects of yourself, almost kind of “rejecting” that spiritual and emotional side. I think you have alot of spiritual gifts, but you dont want to go “too deep”. You are comfortable with seeing tangibility and are used to seeing whats right in front of you. But I believe the doors to the Unknown are being revealed to you. You see all these phenomena happening and you just “Observe” it kind of. Theres this feeling of not wanting to get too involved so you just keep your distance. By that I mean, you just watch and observe things and try to remain unaffected. Its almost as if you putting your spiritual self at arms length is your way of self-defense if that makes sense? Its like youre trying hard to cling to the old you, how you and your life used to be, before all THIS happened. What are you afraid of? Perhaps you are a person who wonders if there is any merit or tangible reward for diving deep and I think if you do decide to dive deep it will feel that way. “Whats the point of it all?” But its to help you embrace your Fire, your gifts so to speak. If you do decide to walk this path of spirituality and embracing yourself, getting comfortable with the unknown, I feel you will be a completely different person. A Complete Rebirth so to speak. And maybe you are scared of that. I think The Divine is trying to point you in this direction. It will get easier. As you begin to walk this path, things will become Clearer. And I feel you will feel so much more “In Tune” with The Divine or whoever you believe in. I see a link, essences intertwining. Whats meant to happen will happen. Fate. Be kind to yourself during this period. Make sure you take the time to ground yourself and even go outside and get a breath of fresh air. It will help clear your head and balance yourself. You are Loved no matter what. You arent alone, you can let your guard down. Important things to consider: Angel Number 66. Pay attention to how you feel, whether it be around others or the emotions you feel in general. I think being near bodies of water, or even moon gazing may help you. I even think carrying selenite around may be of help to you. Remember to take care of yourself mentally and physically! Keep yourself balanced. Also give “Severed” by The Flashbulb a listen for any additional messages. I hope you enjoyed this reading and feedback is always appreciated!

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Pile 3:

I felt bliss and happiness. I saw a plant growing. There is this feeling of building something thats here to stay.

Im thinking you guys went through hell and back despite that feeling of bliss I felt when shuffling. Overall theres a overarching theme of having everything in life be on track, but when it comes to love it seems that thats where you begin to run into problems. It could even just be relationships in general. Or rather everything is finally going right, but theres this feeling of something coming to “haunt” you. Something that you’ve thought was over with and finished but manages to come back into your life. I feel like you’ve been through some tough shit and have tried your damned best to make the situation better. Like you’ve broken free from some sort of attachment or restriction but there is still a lingering feeling of obligation, almost as if you still feel the need to give it your energy. Maybe things didnt end on the right foot. Maybe there were things left unsaid. There is a message of unfinished business. But this part of your life will soon be wrapping up. After this hurdle, something new will arise from it. An opportunity that will sprout its way into the physical world. Its very weird, theres this notion of finally seeing the light of day after being surrounded by the night. The first light of the Dawn. Its as if youre running a marathon and youve made it through all these obstacles to reach the finish line.  Youre almost there, just a little more. This experience you went through, gave you the wisdom you needed to be where you are in life. It made you who are you are. You have gone through much transformation. Im really proud of you. But The Divine is saying you have to go through this for just a little longer. To Be who you were meant to Be. Understand that whatever happens, it is always within your power to decide how you want to act. You always have the power to choose differently. Always choose what feels right for you. Always choose what you know to be true. What has this journey taught you so far? What lessons have you learned? How have you changed? Use these teachings and apply them to your life and how you want to live. Important things for you to consider: 1010 is significant for you. I believe after this ordeal things will only get better for you. When you feel things are getting out of control or too much, take deep breaths and bring yourself back to the present- back to balance. Remember you are in control of how you respond, you always have a choice. Take it one step at a time too, its ok if you dont get it right away. We have the utmost patience and love for you. Also give “Home” by Brian Mcknight a listen as there may be additional messages for you. I hope you enjoyed this reading. I really hope I was able to offer you some clarity. Feedback is always appreciated!  

[levis-hazelnut]

This is a vent.

You can do what you want with this post but please do read the part from where your name starts in bold and pink.

I have decided it's okay for me to type my thoughts out here In tumblr. Safer than my journal at least lol

So I'm doing okay but I also feel like shit for the past few days lol. To the point where I cried myself to sleep. Ever felt like crying badly but the tears won't come out but you can't even act frustrated? Yeah that too.

I'll be honest. I changed schools so now I have about 3 supportive friends but we haven't interacted much.

My friends from my previous school are really very cool and supportive and it is because of them, I had a thought of exploring me and thinking about my sexuality and everything.

I have a lot of friendship problems. Im kinda losing touch with My friends from the previous school and i saw it coming almost 1 years ago. But I still talk to them bc I like them. I have been betrayed and neglected and taken for granted by loads of people who were my friends. We're still in touch but there is a disconnection.

I really considered them my friends. I trusted them. I was looking for a special bond with them. But it never happened. Half of them betrayed and verbally bullied me. Some of them strayed away. Some were Influenced by other bullies. Some took me for granted.

I'm awkward at voicing out my true feelings. I wanted them to know through my actions how much they meant to me, how I bragged about how nice they were, how I loved it when we went on little adventures and screamed and laughed. But they just had to go away.

My one and only lovely best friend moved away and now we live about 2000 kms apart but we still talk and she supports me (and simple for me lol) and she is kinda like one of the top reasons I'm sane rn. I'm very grateful to have her.She sometimes visits my blog through Google and reads my fics.

I've been having depressive episodes since last year. It's definitely better than last year bc back then, I used to cry in secret like- every single day. Including my birthday. I've actually kinda mastered the art of masking my feelings.

On top of that I have family problems. My dad is not really emotionally present. I hate to say this but my mom kinda victimizes herself. Evertime they have fights, I hear and notice this. It pisses me off but the points they make about themselves make sense. Eventually they make up and they sat down and made me under stand that nothing is gonna happen but it mentally affects me a lot.

Believe me when I say that I love my parents. But I'm growing distant. On top of that there is some toxic advice and they are homophobic oof.

I know there are millions of people with more worse conditions than mine and when I think about this, I get sad and start to invalidate my feelings but with the help of some motivational people, I understand that my problems are valid and I'm allowed to feel sad. At this point I'm like my own supporter. I'm proud of it.

Every time I see jean, I relate to him a lot. Putting a strong front for others but your terrified inside. (Also thighs mm)

So Hazel. Listen to me

When I found out of tumblr and fanfics, I was overjoyed. I spend weeks reading comfort fics by many different authors including yours and it made me feel safe.

I finally decided to make an account and follow people. I mostly interacted with you. There are so many blogs and moots that I follow now, and now I'm not shy or scared to interact with them.

You know why? Because of you.

It is from your blog I first felt like I could feel safe. I never felt weird about going in your inbox more than once. Everytime you responded I felt butterflies. After that when you followed me back, I actually almost cried. Every single time I saw you in my dash, inbox or responding to me, or just interacting with your fellow moots, I felt happy.

And after that I met amber, izzy, and so many cool moots. If we ever met In real love I wouldn't hesitate to give you a big hug and thank you.

Hazel baby when I say I love you, I fucking mean it.

I love you. I love you so much

I love all of my moots, and people who I interact with every day. I found so many supportive people and people from the lgbtq and people who share the same thoughts here.

Thank you for being you.

I hope you never forget how much I admire you. I'm almost tearing up as I write this. All of you guys give me so much motivation to move forward in my life.

himani please the way you had me crying because of this i love you so so so much i cant stress it enough

(imma put a read more cos this got kinda long lol)

im so happy that you found a safe space and you feel comfortable enough to tell me all of this too. you have me on discord as well and i'd always be happy to listen to you if you need to talk or just to simply simp over 2d people lmao

and im so sorry that you've been feeling terrible, it honestly breaks my heart and i wish there was something i could do. i'd hold you and be there to fight everyone for you if i could. if those friends dont keep in touch with you, they'll be missing out and they'd be losing such a precious and amazing person. but once you lose something you always gain something - thats something i've realised so you will find the right people that will stick by you for a very long time ❤❤ i'm so glad you have your best friend there to support you and sticking by you because even when you feel like everything's just going to shit i know they'd be there for you and im happy about that

your feelings are completely valid and im glad you realised that. just know that im always going to be here too to support you and to just be there for you whenever you need it

bye the way you have my heart himani, it makes me so happy that you feel safe here and that you never felt weird about interacting with me. please you give me butterflies all the time, how could i not follow a beautiful person like you. honestly the same goes to you - i love seeing you on my dash and i love seeing you have a great time and interacting with people especially with my moots it makes me so happy i cant describe it 😭

if we ever meet im not letting you leave my side, you're gonna permanently be in my arms

i love you so much more i wish there was a way i could show just how much... im glad you found people you love and those that support you and that give you motivation. and im always going to be here to support you and for anything else you need

thank you for being comfortable enough to talk to me and to share this. you're an amazing person never doubt that 🥺🥰💖