#'I WAS ABUSED LIKE THIS TOO YOU KNOW so i'm gonna pass on the trauma for MY comfort and happiness he doesn't have it as bad as -I- did'

[aqours]

i love how they both addressed that abuse tends to circulate as this fucking evil awful horrible cycle that only ends when people chose to break the train while also making it clear airi was a fucking revolting disgusting person who tries to justify what she does instead of breaking that cycle who can only whine and cry when a kid who isn't even 14 calls her out on it

[tarot-by-e11e]

PAC: "Little Warnings"

(this is strictly for entertainment purposes only)

Unfortunately, this is gonna hurt. So, don't read through this if you're already going through some pretty harsh stuff.

When I felt called to do this PAC, I felt that we needed to be humbled and check ourselves occasionally to see if we were being a bit too arrogant. It's such an odd feeling to be called to do this theme for this specific PAC, but hey, even if not every loving call out may be meant for others, every message is still, in some shape or form, valid. Not all of it may resonate with you, and that is still okay~

But I am manifesting that you will encounter this when the universe deems you need to be lovingly knocked down a few pegs~

Nothing wrong with a little loving call-out?

Pile 1:

Cards Pulled:

Queen of Wands, Hierophant, 5 of Coins

Hi Pile 1, if you chose this pile, whenever part of your journey you read this, here are your little warnings you might need to know, so only take what resonates with you, okay?

"Aren't you getting a bit over your head lately? Nothing wrong about being confident in your own abilities but you don't need to rub it in other people's faces that you know you're that Queen B~"

"There's a fine line between confidence and arrogance, my dear. If you don't want to be perceived as someone abrasive or cheap, you know what you need to do."

"Traditions are great and all but there's always room to make new traditions. Honoring the past doesn't mean you have to continue living in the past."

"Which would you prefer being ruthlessly right all the time and be hated? Or learn how to communicate compassionately without sacrificing your truth?"

"Don't expect different results when you're clearly stuck in your ways."

"No matter how much you mean well, if you don't know how to respectfully convey your messages properly, you will not be understood in a way that you'd prefer."

"Don't expect other people to pick up on your body language and subtle hints. Not everyone is as painfully self aware as you."

"Your Past pain is valid but your attitude is not."

"You keep behaving like you can't get passed your trauma from your past then btch out on how cruel life was for you, so you project your hurt towards others, especially towards people who are living the life that you want. Seriously, pick a struggle and push through it. Make it make sense."

"You are not bound to the environment you grew up in, because you have the power to change your destiny. Remember, at the end of the day, only you can save yourself from your circumstance."

"You are more capable than you let yourself believe you are. You just chose to live in your pain when you know you have to put in the effort for you to change your life for the better."

"You are bound by your own self imposed limitations. You are imprisoned in your mind by your own fear."

Channeled Song:

(this concludes the end of your reading)

(this is strictly for entertainment purposes only)

Pile 2:

Cards Pulled:

Queen of Swords, Chariot, Strength

Hi Pile 2, if you chose this pile, whenever part of your journey you read this, here are your little warnings you might need to know, so only take what resonates with you, okay?

- "I'm all up for honesty, just not verbal abuse. So be discerning if the receiver of the message is too soft hearted or easily traumatised."

- "Words are double edged swords. The same words that can heal can also break someone's heart."

- "Discern which battles are worth fighting for. Know when to retreat your words when you know that how you speak may bring more harm than good."

- "Being assertive and a goal getter is nice and all, but remember, your passion may be misinterpreted as abrasive and uncouth. Remember to respect other's personal boundaries."

- "Going after what you want is normal, disregarding someone's feelings and free will isn't."

- "Think before you speak or do."

- "Your way isn't the only way."

- "Impulsive behaviour leaves you susceptible to disaster and unnecessary quarrel. It won't kill you to think before you leap."

- "You don't need to so harsh and dominant to be perceived as strong."

- "Having strength does not warrant you to be mannerless and disrespectful."

- "Hypervigilance doesn't mean you're strong. It means you've been pushed to the corner where you had no one to rely on, especially during the times you need anyone the most."

- "Being able to do everything on your own doesn't mean you don't need help. You can lean on to others unharmed too. Not everyone is out to get you."

- "Just because you used to being in pain and on your own, it doesn't mean that what you've gone through is something you deserve. Don't catastrophize every bad thing that's happened to you as a punishment from the universe. Unfortunately, bad things happen for no reason. You were just unfortunately at the wrong place in the wrong time."

- "You don't deserve to be stuck in your hyperindepence and wear your lack of trust in others like a badge of honor. Your body can only hold so much trauma before it starts completely wrecking your nervous system and have it physically manifest as an illness. Ex. You struggle to lose weight no matter how much you work out because your body doesn't feel safe to exist. That's why you body stores fat as a cushion to help make it feel safe to exist."

- "How far will you keep pushing the people you love away? Are you waiting for their patience to run out so that you can subconsciously prove to yourself that everyone would leave you?? You're so hellbent in your skewed narrative that feeds your self-sabotaging tendencies and lack of self worth that you'd do anything to have your negative self talk to manifest into your reality. Stop feeding yourself the BS that (If they're meant for me, they'll stay. News Flash, no one wants to willing stay with someone who refuse to grow out of their own toxicity. No one can save you but yourself. EVEN YOUR LOVED ONES HAS LIMITS TOO."

- "Be a dear and search up the meaning of the ff. words: GASLIGHTING, STONE WALLING, COVERT NARCISSIST, ACCOUNTABILITY, EMOTIONAL MATURITY, JEALOUSY, SOFT FBOI/GURL, SHADOW WORK, MALADAPTIVE DAYDREAMING (Feel free to see which words hurts the most for you and start working on that)"

- "No one can save you from your own self imposed mental prison of scarcity and unworthiness. People around you can only do so much for you. The power to trap you and free you has always been in your hands."

- "Are you done thinking that everyone is out to get you? Hopefully you'd come to realise that people don't think about you as much as you think they do. Everyone's busy barely surviving their lives to be bothered to meddle with yours."

- "You're not as strong as much as a target you think you are, and that's okay. You don't have to be in everyone's mind and in everyone's DM to feel important. You are worthy and deserving of all regardless if you are in the spotlight or behind the scenes."

- "Two things can be true at the same time. You are the Main Character of your life and also be a background character is someone else's storyline."

- "What's serious for you may not be serious for someone else. So don't expect others to adjust for you when you made zero efforts to properly communicate what you wanted to say."

Channeled Song:

(this concludes the end of your reading)

(this is strictly for entertainment purposes only)

Pile 3:

Cards Pulled:

7 of Swords, Ace of Swords, 6 of Wands

Hi Pile 3, if you chose this pile, whenever part of your journey you read this, here are your little warnings you might need to know, so only take what resonates with you, okay?

- "Just because someone broke your heart it doesn't give you the right to leave a trail of broken hearts in your path. Your pain is valid but your attitude and actions afterwards aren't."

- "Being betrayed in the past doesn't mean you should play and to toy with someone else's feelings. You are becoming the player that you hated the game for."

- "Not all people mean to use and abuse you. Other people are just good natured and mean what they say. Don't confuse someone's genuity because someone else broke your trust before."

- "Discernment is highly encouraged, projecting your pain and jealousy isn't."

- "It's great to chase new ideas, what's not great is to chase the idea of someone new then cheat on your current partner just because things got bored. Don't be a part of the problem."

- "Don't even dare entertain anyone new just because you chose to be lazy and not put in the effort to communicate on how your current relationship can get better. Emotionally opening up to someone is cheating. Having a work husband/wife is still cheating. Putting yourself in any situation that would cause your partner to doubt your loyalty is a breeding ground of disaster of the life you currently know."

- "If you caved in and cheat now, you are bound to cheat again. If you allow yourself to be tempted now, you have proven yourself unworthy to even be in a loving relationship. In short: you have become part of the problem. So don't expect receiving anything you refused to give. You have no right to the privileges of an exclusive and healthy relationship if you fck around and find out. (because you actively chose to play whack a mole and find out what it's like to have std because of your recklessness)."

Channeled Song:

- "How far will you go just to win? Will you cheat on your partner just to have a promotion? Will you pay someone to ruin your competition just to win? Will you start a smear campaign just to go ahead? Will you drop little white lies to make yourself appear as the better option? How illegal and immoral would you allow yourself to become just to get ahead? Is it worth it? Lose your friends and family along the way? Just to win that empty cup?"

- "Will you abandon your morals just to win?"

(this concludes the end of your reading)

(this is strictly for entertainment purposes only)

Pile 4:

Cards Pulled:

6 of Swords, Knight of Cups, 7 of Wands

Hi Pile 4, if you chose this pile, whenever part of your journey you read this, here are your little warnings you might need to know, so only take what resonates with you, okay?

- "Unfortunately, leaving the problem behind without any explanation or letter won't make it go away."

- "Ghosting, just to protect your ego, is never the answer. Face your issues like an adult and accept the consequences of your actions accordingly."

- "No amount of dr*gs, alcohol, smoke or flings can help you tun away from your own willful ignorance. You can't run away from your own feelings. The only way to get away/rid of your problem is by facing it. This is one of the moments in a person's life where DELULU is NOT the SOLULU."

- "Fleeing the country won't keep you from feeling your feelings."

- "Just because you understand how people work and emotionally operate, it doesn't mean that you should use that to your unfair advantage. Stop binge watching those dark psychology videos. And you wonder why people pick a bad vibe from you? What do you expect? You are indeed the problem: the not so covert manipulative problem."

- "Stop using the promise of helping others with their dreams just so you can trick them in making your dreams come true at their expense."

- "You can only spin a web of lies so far."

- "You're not as convincing of a gaslighter as you think you are. People can see through your lies, they just chose not to speak up because, yes, they do it out of pity."

- "Resilience is incredibly admired but bulldozing other people out of your way to get the results is out of the question."

- "Not seeing the results that you want then btching about not having slept enough and feeling like you're about to collapse? You chose to overwork and overburden yourself to the point of burn out, and you're shocked that your health and sanity is fcked up? Dear, make it make sense."

- "Has it ever occurred to you that just because you put in the effort to win someone over, it doesn't mean that they're obligated to choose you? Free will and preferences are a thing, you know? You can be everything and more to that person, and that person is not required nor obligated to choose you. You can the most ideal man/woman and still not be chosen."

- "Don't expect exclusivity from someone who told you from the beginning that they're there to fck around. You can't change someone just because you stayed. You can only keep someone that wants to be kept by you."

Channeled Song:

(this concludes the end of your reading)

(this is strictly for entertainment purposes only)

Feel free to check out my feedback herePaid Readings are AVAILABLE

In all honesty, I feel so bad for releasing this PAC but there's this oddly strong gut feeling that we all need to be humbled and wake up to the toxicity we all chose to lie with at night.

In fact, some things we've gone through, unfortunately are the results of our own lack of accountability.

Sorry if I hurt your feelings, but some painful warnings need to be said.

Notice:

Exchange Readings are OPEN

Feel free to send me some support in the form of tips,

Head to my Buy-Me-A-Coffee here 🍀

[prettyinpwn]

What is your opinion on Filbrick Pines?

Oh boy... long story short, my opinion on him is pretty low, not gonna lie. I went into his character a lot in my analysis post on Ford's writing (found here), since Filbrick had a large effect on Stan and Ford's characters, even if only in subtle ways. To summarize my points on Filbrick:

Definitely abusive, in my opinion. I don't think physically, but for sure emotionally and mentally. He's the type of father who provided materially, but otherwise didn't seem very good at it.

Was way too focused on money. Now, I think it's very possible that Filbrick could have a great backstory reason for this. My biggest guess is a life of poverty and wanting to provide better for his family, but the cruel irony is that in seeking wealth, he hurt his family (e.g "Stanley, by "sabotaging" Ford you hurt our whole family, because he was going to make us millions, so I'm gonna throw you out, ignoring the fact that by throwing you out I'm currently hurting the family in the way I'm accusing you of."). He also hurt Ford. The way Filbrick treated Ford was like a Willy Wonka golden ticket. "Oh, you're smart? This college might make you a millionaire? I'm impressed!". He didn't care about what Ford wanted, he cared about what Ford's brains could get him. Case in point: he didn't seem to give a rat's ass about Ford's brains or college dreams until the principal implied it could make money.

Iirc, according to Hirsch, the quote Stan says in Little Gift Shop of Horrors ("Movies are great! You watch the movie, you scare the girl, the girl snuggles up next to you, next thing you know you gotta raise a kid. Your life falls apart. Forget that last part.") was actually something Filbrick used to say. Like DEAR GOD Filbrick said that in front of Stan and Ford? "Hey kids, my life was great until I got your ma knocked up with Shermie, and then my life was pure suck after that.". Like... who... who just says that in front of their kids? Who even THINKS that about their kids? Yikes.

The way Stan and Ford are named. The code at the end of A Tale of Two Stans is played as a joke, but when you think about it, it's... kinda sad. "A STUBBORN TOUGH NEW JERSEY NATIVE, FILBRICK WASN'T TOO CREATIVE, HAVING TWINS WAS NOT HIS PLAN, SO HE JUST SHRUGGED AND NAMED BOTH STAN.". Filbrick did not give a single f*ck. "Oh, I have twins? Eh, I'm too lazy to think about a name, just call 'em practically the same thing.". What father does this?

In the post I linked above, I also hinted at how I thought Bill's manipulations of Ford almost were a mirror echo of Filbrick (even in their character design, it's odd how they both have yellow brick and blue with hats themed designs, he's got the literal word 'brick' in his name, etc). Because when you think about it, what did Ford's father teach him but "you are a puppet to be used by me to get what I want"?

There's a reason Ford and Stan are incredibly broken people, and it all started with Filbrick. He's the one that taught Stan to believe he's worthless and a f*ckup, and the one that taught Ford that he's a tool to be used. So... nah, not a fan of the guy, if I didn't make that obvious already lol. BUT... I will say this, as this is something I did give him credit for in my Ford analysis post: a lot of Ford and Stan's positive qualities are things he passed down to them, namely their protectiveness of family and "toughness". But unlike Filbrick, who manifested that in toxic ways, Stan and Ford took a heavy albatross necklace of generational trauma and turned it around to a positive.

This goes even further when Stan passes the lesson to Dipper. Dipper learning to "fight back"? That's a family lesson that comes from Filbrick, originally, when he signed Stan and Ford up for boxing. Some have criticized the way Stan taught Dipper that lesson, but you can't argue with the end result:

TL;DR: Filbrick mostly sucks, but... like most well-written characters, he does have some gray area. Was he a good father? No. But the gauntlet meat grinder he put Ford and Stan through - worth it or not - made them the tough family protectors they are as adults. I will give him that, at least.

[bonefall]

How do you feel about "character joins bloodclan" aus? Im curious about ur thoughts since youre really in tune with the themes of the series but personally i just hate them bc its ALWAYS aimed at 'unfortunate' characters and always ALWAYS ignores the fact that bloodclan is a horrible place in-canon and that they're just reflavoring the abuse and trauma the characters qent through to be more emo or goth themed.

Ravenpaw is ALWAYS a prime target for this and its like. Great. You took the character being abused by their mentor figure and is being harmed from the violent culture the clan has generated... and giving them an EMO mentor figure who will inevitably abuse them and harm them as a result of the violent culture the emo clan has generated. Sasha is another one I've noticed- you've put the woman who lost her kit and is struggling to survive with the others while being controlled and abused by someone who sees her as an outsider (aka alone and easy to isolate), and are gonna put her in a faction who specifically separates kin from one another to easily control them and who have canonically tried murdering those who stick with their family. What was gained here.

Like i know bloodclan is revamped in ur au (thank god for it) but in canon bloodclan is HORRIBLE. People ignore that in favor of putting their favs into bloodclan bc bloodclan is cool and killed tigerstar that one time bc of revenge. Ravenpaw becomes Scourge AUS are SO SO SO much worse bc of this too- sure you manage to point out how scourge and raven has roughly similar stories in their youth but you could also do something interesting and make an au where raven and scourge are FOILS and do a firestar/scourge thing, while pointing this comparison out!! Instead you just went "Ravenpaw emo now and is sad about beating up Firestar his friend" and basically kept everything the same.

Sorry im basically venting here but i just dont like how people forget that scourge in canon does NOT look out for the 'little guy', he's a murderer and abuser who wants to keep his subjects afraid and separated so that he alone has power over them. Bloodclan is not the cool strong goth group, its the group where two cats slaughter eachother over a piece of twoleg scraps, only for the survivor to die bc the food was poisonous to cats and no one knew bc theres no cohesive group that can pass that knowledge around. its a fucking horrible place to live. Im not saying that you cant do interesting "character in bloodclan" aus (a Rusty who lives in bloodclan who STILL wants to do good but is shaped by the horrid reality of bloodclan would be fun imo) but its so often used with already traumatized characters as a 'solution' or 'fix-it with some emotional issues involved' that i just foam at the mouth and howl like a rabid animal on principle at this point.

Hmm... I think for me, it doesn't tend to read that way for me when the fandom makes AUs for it. I'm coming at BloodClan from a point of really deep critique and frustration.

BloodClan's not a REAL place, and what that means is, every speck of how horrible it was is a choice the writers made to justify its treatment. It was something they actively decided, because, BloodClan was a tool to suddenly invalidate the previous 5 books of TPB so that the series could comfortably conclude there was no need to upset the status quo.

If you haven't read it before, I recommend this post I made on how Darkest Hour Is A Personal Disappointment, but anyway;

We spend a whole series on how Fireheart challenges a broken society, because he is different. Their xenophobia, how isolationism and glory get people killed, the way that Tigerstar's greatest asset is how respected he is... these are bad things. They're things that Fireheart fights for several books.

But then, in the LAST book, in the 11th inning, they introduce BloodClan. They're just evil. They have no nuance. The narrative bends over backwards to stress that this group of evil foreigners LOVES murder, hates friendship, and doesn't believe in our good god.

Suddenly, the Clan cats have to be EXTRA xenophobic and glorious to kill these filthy, murderous foreign hordes. Clan cat belief in their good god makes them stronger than the bloodthirsty barbarians. Firestar kills Scourge and we can feel happy and triumphant about it, when Tigerstar was killed a few chapters ago and given a tragic sendoff.

So, I encourage you to step back from an emotional response to how Filthy and Murderous this group was portrayed, and look at it as a writing choice.

When Tigerstar, known cat-racist and murderer of mixed-race people, is killed by Scourge in self-defense, he is grieved by Firestar and commended for his "good qualities". (and then they retconned in that it was actually secretly revenge all along, not just self defense, so this killing is extra evil)

When Scourge is killed, Firestar just thinks about how it's cool he's not going to heaven, and how all of the previously ferocious BloodClan warriors look so inferior to the forest Clans.

And so, with all that said,

I'm 100% in favor of how the fandom widely looks at this, says, "fuck that" and just makes them the Cool Goth Group. I'd argue pretty strongly that the least nuanced idea of that is still infinitely better than canon.

There was nothing there. It was literally just Xenophobia-Is-JustifiedClan. They literally hated love and friendship and banned families so that Clan cats would look good in comparison. Banned families. You don't get this level of stupid evil from anything else but an 80s cartoon.

Maybe I just don't see the AUs you tend to see (I curate my Tumblr experience very well and generally hang out in more adult-oriented spaces, I can imagine a place like Amino being mostly kids who tend to be immature. Edgelord Angstpiddle is just a normal part of growing up), but every project I see that gives me a glimpse of BloodClan Ravenpaws and Sashas come with such tweaks already assumed.

Like, these are examples I've seen,

They'll have Raven be involved with the formation of BloodClan

Scourge will actually be a character with some pity and mercy, like how he was in Rise of Scourge when his abusive siblings begged him for food, and he fed them before sending them away.

no ban on love and friendship. Lol. Lmao, even.

More of the social structure will be based around acquiring food for people in a 'harsh' environment, leading to that battle, instead of just Evil Foreign Greed (which canon!scourge only had after being almost killed by tigerstar, because he said "actually, in light of new information that you are a murderer, i need to reconsider our deal.")

BloodClan will be overhauled completely. I've seen this a few ways. Connecting them to SkyClan, or the Oakstar raids on Chelford, or even as a positive entity; a surprise ally. (VERY common with BloodClan Ravenpaw AUs I've seen).

Anyways... (Shrug), I dunno dude, it doesn't bother me that much.

[purpleheartskies]

Happy Father's Day!... but not to Robby's "father", Johnny Lawrence. He doesn't deserve the honor of that title: "father" or "dad".

You know, in s5e9, Johnny told Chozen,

"My whole life was haunted by one stupid kick. I thought if I could go back in time, do things different, dodge it, block it, my life would be fixed. The kick wasn't the problem. I had to stop focusing on what was behind. Start looking at what was in front of me." [points at Carmen]

Johnny made this decision in s3e10, when he left Robby behind with Kreese and did nothing to make things right with Robby. Robby was in Cobra Kai with Johnny's abuser who had strangled him twice, and Johnny made no attempts to convince Robby to leave Cobra Kai. Instead, Johnny just got impotent over Miguel hanging out with Daniel and was making his favorite dinner to coax him back to him. (Johnny trying to convince Robby in s4e4 doesn't count because Robby is the one who came to him for that conversation, and Johnny didn't even care to really listen to what Robby was saying to him.)

In contrast to Johnny, in s5e9, Robby went to Cobra Kai and took a stand against freaking Silver to make things right with Tory and Kenny:

"I came here to apologize. I let you down. Turned my back on you. I didn't understand at the time but I realize I was wrong. I shouldn't have just left. I should have taken you all with me. Everything you're taught here is bullshit. There is pain in this dojo and it's built upon fear, because this man is not your sensei, he is your enemy. But it's not too late. You're not past the point of no return. And I promise, there's still another way."

Wouldn't it have been amazing if Johnny had done this for Robby when Robby was in Cobra Kai? But, no. Johnny didn't do this. He had decided to "stop focusing on what was behind. Start looking at what was in front of [him]." s5 was even worse for Johnny and Robby and was sad, sad proof that Johnny isn't worthy of being a father/dad to anyone. Silver spoke truth: Johnny will screw up another kid.

In s4e4, Johnny dismissed Robby when Robby told him:

"For as long as I can remember, I've been afraid... afraid that I'm gonna end up like you. But that's not gonna be my fear anymore... because I am better than you."

Johnny once told Miguel that he can be better than Johnny, but Johnny freaking turned Robby away when Robby said that he is better than Johnny. In s5e9, Robby proved once again that he is better than Johnny. Hell, even Dom in Fast X, a ridiculous character in a ridiculous, over-the-top movie franchise with bad writing and retcons galore, has the right idea about fatherhood. Dom said about his son: "Pass it down. Each generation, better than the last... That's fatherhood." and "You will be better than me." Johnny never passed down anything to Robby, other than the generational trauma. Johnny never cared or thought to teach Robby anything. Instead, Johnny replaced Robby with a "second chance" and passed down his legacy to that "second chance". Johnny has been choosing that "second chance" over Robby ever since. In s5, Johnny encouraged that "second chance" to use that legacy against Robby (apartment fight). Johnny's also getting ready for his "third chance", all while continuing to neglect and abuse Robby so that Johnny can feel better about his failures with Robby.

One question for s6 is "Will Johnny ever put his "real" son above his own ego for good?"

[waywardsou2]

This was inspired/made for @mrcorkus. You've got the right idea mate.

Summary: A past so dark, and stained with blood will always come back to haunt them. One way or another.

Word Count: 2.2k+

Tags: Nightmares, past trauma, past abuse, death, canon typical violence

Logan was sitting by the window, taking large puffs of his cigar. Wade was sitting in the bathroom. Staring at himself in the mirror, pulling his mask off and shoving it back on his face at random intervals.

Tonight was not a good night. For either of them.

They kept their distances, knowing they weren't good company when things got like this.

And by this, they meant when the two of them were suffering from the effects of their pasts. A time when Logan couldn't stuff down all he remembered he'd done, and Wade couldn't crack a joke to hide the fact that he couldn't stand the thought of someone actually loving him.

He still didn't believe that Logan loved him. Even though he had saved Wade's universe when he didn't have to. Stayed when he could have been anywhere else. Agreed to be Wade's boyfriend even though there were plenty of fish in the sea. He didn't believe a face and a mind like his was worthy of being loved. He looked into the mirror, trying to see even the smallest glimpse of what Logan saw in him. But he couldn't.

There was nothing there except his horribly scarred face and his even worse past as a mercenary. It lurked behind his eyes, like a constant, haunting reminder.

And Logan, couldn't understand why Wade saw him as anything more than a monster. That's what he was after all. A wild killing machine, a feral animal. A dog that at any moment might snap its leash and run wild.

He didn't know why Wade cared for him. Why Wade tried to make him smile, and how he even succeeded. He didn't understand why Wade accommodated for him in his life.

Eventually Wade came out of the bathroom with the biggest fake smile he could muster, having left his mask on the sink.

He turned to Logan saying "I'm off to bed kitten, join me soon?"

He said it in a sing song voice as he slipped over to give Logan a peck on the cheek.

"Yeah yeah, see you soon bub"

Wade smushed Logan's face in his hand, pressing his cheeks together. "I love you Wolvie"

And without another word he skipped back to their room. Passing Al who was sitting passed out on the couch.

"You're really gonna leave an old woman sleeping on the couch? For shame" he said to the writer who wanted to mention Al but couldn't be bothered working out the logistics of their living situation.

Wade changed into his favourite shirt and PJ pants. His bright pink Hello Kitty pants and his white custom made shirt that said "Two seater" with an arrow pointing to his mouth and his crotch.

He climbed into bed, grabbing his unicorn stuffie and passing out almost instantly. No one said it was easy being a hyperactive, traumatised fourth wall breaker.

After an hour, and four more cigars, Logan stumbled his way to bed. Hoping sleep would steal his thoughts away from his last moments with X-Men. How...angry they had been. How much he wished he could take back all that had led to them being taken from him. Wishing he hadn't taken for granted how much of a loving family they were to him.

He stripped himself of his pants and his shirt, crawling into bed in only his boxers before he too passed out.

The night dwindled on as Logan and Wade were sleeping. Wade was curled over on his side. His fist clutching at the blanket. Whilst Logan was on his back the blanket kicked away from him roughly.

Neither of them had found the peace they were hoping for through sleep.

Logan was tossing and turning in the bed, his face twisted into a pained scowl. Logan was getting terrible flashes of his past mingled with his not-so-recent present. He remembers his time with Stryker. Feeling the pain course through his body as he took Logan's body and twisted it into a weapon. Logan was taken advantage of, convinced and manipulated. His mind becoming a mess of thoughts and orders that he didn't want to follow but was compelled to.

He saw his family, his real one and the one he found. He saw his father, his true father. Dead by his own hands, 6 little puncture marks in his chest. He had been a villain all his life. A murderer. A killer.

He saw Scott and Jean, laying bloody and torn apart in the foyer. Their faces pale.

He saw Storm strung up from the chandelier, her cape caught in the ornate bronze. Her hair knotted and twisted.

He saw Jubilee and Nightcrawler. His tail severed lying next to his body. He looked as if he had been shielding Jubilee. Small burn marks in the shape of sparkles littered his skin.

Beast had been in his lab, shards of glass sticking out from his body where the hunters had used his own lab against him.

And Xavier, a look a terror on his face as he sat limply in his chair. His body didn't match his face.

He remembered seeing red. Seeing it everywhere he looked. The blood of his family, strewn across the place he had reluctantly called home.

He saw red in his hands. As he tore any remaining hunters to shreds. Watching his claws take the lives of the humans who had mercilessly taken the life of his family.

And he continued to see red. For days as he chased down anyone who held fear or hate for mutants in their eyes. And he kept going. After a while he stopped looking for that glint in their eyes. Only wishing to see it fade as many times as possible. Because all humans were the same. They always were.

Wade lying next to him curled the sheets and the blanket, clutching at them desperately until his knuckles were white. He saw Francis. Watching him walk in and out of view, every time he walked into view a new method of torture would begin. And Wade could hear his own voice making quippy remarks. Remarks he remembered. But all he could feel was horrible, unbridled fear. All he could hear was the rapid beating of his own heart. The strained rasps that were supposedly his breathing.

All he could feel was the searing pain in every part of his body as it was placed under heavier loads of stress. He remembered how desperately he wanted his body to give up on him. He was dying anyways right? So it wouldn't matter.

But it didn't and for hours and hours it all became worse.

He remembers when it was over. When he was able to break out and free himself.

Only for the pain to return. He remembered the metal poll being shoved through his chest. And hearing it creek as Francis bent it over trapping him on it.

The taste of blood in his mouth as he spat up tattered pieces of his internal organs.

He remembered the hours he had taken to pry himself off the thing. Silently begging that he would just die in the process. But he didn't. And then he spent more hours in the rubble as the hole in his chest closed up. Only for the building to collapse on him and him to pass out. Or die. He didn't know which. Either way, it wasn't permanent enough.

Francis stupid face was all he could see. His voice all he could hear.

"What's my name?" He called, but Wade refused to give him that satisfaction. Refused to allow his face fucker to hear the way his voice might tremble if he said it.

And then in a flash, he was gone and instead he watched as the mercenary pulled the trigger. And Vanessa dropped to the floor.

Wade instinctively reached for Baby Knife who was under his pillow and thrust it into her killer.

Just a Logan protracted his claws and shoved them into the cold dead eyes of Stryker who had taunted him about the monster he had become.

But Wade wasn't killing the masked Merc and Logan wasn't face to face with Stryker.

Instead when they opened their eyes they saw each other.

Wade was hovering over Logan his blade in Logan's neck. Right between his shoulder and his nape. And Logan's claws were in Wade's chest. Blood oozing out of the puncture and dripping onto his bare chest.

The two of them scrambled away from each other freighted. Wade yelped as Logan pulled his claws out of him and he proceeded to fall of the bed. The fall adding to the throbbing, burning pain in his chest.

Logan desperately clutched at the knife in neck feeling blood pool in his mouth. He yanked it out and dropped into on the bed as he spluttered. Coughing blood all over the sheets.

Wade had tears streaming down his face and Logan's eyes were wide with horror.

Logan spat out the blood as his wound began to close and he scrambled out of bed over to Wade. Wade was sitting curled into his chest. The blood staining his t-shirt and pants as he held his knees as close to his chest as he could.

Logan wrapped his arms around Wade and sat with him on the floor. His whole body was shaking as his hair stood on end.

The two of them were breathing heavily. Wade's groaning was punctured with sobs as his organs and ribs repaired themselves.

When Logan's neck had healed enough to allow him to talk again he pulled away from Wade but didn't let go.

"Wade it's not your fault. And I- fuck. I didn't know it was you. I didn't see you"

Wade looked up at Logan from where he was crouching in front of him. His hands still gripping Wade's shoulders.

Logan half expected him to make a joke about penetration but all Wade could muster was a weak pathetic "He wouldn't stop"

Logan knew he was talking about Francis. He had told him all about what happened to him years ago.

Wade had probably just relived it all like he did countless times every night.

"M'sorry Lo"

"You're fine. Healed see?" He touched his neck to prove the wound had almost closed up.

Wade simply put his head into his knees and continued to cry.

It wasn't often Logan saw Wade like this, it had scared the shit out of him the first time it had happen. When one of these nightmares had consumed Wade in his sleep.

But I guess everything isn't like what you always see on screen, is it?

Logan sighed and picked him up, no strain at all, and sat down on the bed. His back rested against the headboard as Wade curled up on his lap. His legs less tightly pulled to his chest as he half laid on the bed and half laid on Logan

Logan ran his hand over Wade's head and back. Stroking him softly to try and ground and calm him. Not to let him slip away again into that horrible place.

It helped him not to slip away too

"I'm sorry Logan. I didn't mean it"

"I know you didn't, bub"

Wade couldn't stand the thought of hurting Logan. He never wanted to hurt the ones he loved. But he always managed to get them hurt. He got Vanessa killed, he watched as Colossus got beat to a pulp and Negasonic almost got crushed to death. He watched as the entire X-Force was slaughtered. And he remembered all the nights he had woken up like this. Having hurt Logan, again

Logan was frustrated. His actions were always violent. He always attacked first and asked questions later. He kept fucking hurting Wade. He was ashamed and frustrated and afraid. He was worried one to many nightmares would lead Wade to kicking him out. Sending him packing because Wade realised that Logan was too much of an unstable monster to be kept around.

"I'm sorry too"

"You don't need to say sorry. You just watched you whole family get killed"

Logan laughed humorlessly at the blunt but accurate statement. Wade also knew what went on in Logan's dreams. Wade knew how badly Logan had lost people.

The two of them stay curled up like that in silence for ages. The moon beginning to set over the horizon.

"You could never hurt me. Not where it matters. You know that right" Logan said it. It wasn't really a question. It was more of a reassurance, a statement that Wade couldn't do it. But he wanted to make sure Wade knew that as well

Wade hesitated but Logan felt him nod his head softly against Logan's chest.

"And I've had worse. You stabbed me in the balls remember?"

Logan grunted "Yeah. I remember"

The two of them didn't say anything else. Having said their apologies they couldn't think of more to bring up. They just needed to sleep.

And so Logan sunk down in the bed and Wade shuffled over. This time the two of them fell asleep. Wade's back pressed to Logan's chest and they slept until the mid afternoon.

Their presence was the only thing that brought the other peace.

I hope you enjoyed this! It was really have and maybe a little ooc on my part but I tried my best. I hope I did it justice.

[thataddylady]

Analysis: Phillip Crane 'To Sir Phillip with Love' Pt. 1

So I was asked to do a fleshed out analysis of Phillip Crane as a character and what on earth is so appealing about his romance with Eloise for those of us who loved not only her character but her book as well. It was meant to be one post but honestly it turned into a novella so I'm gonna do this in sections. His book with Eloise was my favorite in the Bridgerton series. Phillip Crane is a very complex character. He isn't charming or dashing, he isn't setting off fireworks anywhere. The ones who aren't a fan think he is a toxic rapist at worst or a boring nerd at best. I am not here to argue against that case. I'm just gonna make mine.

Regarding Sir Phillip

Before I can get into why I loved him with Eloise, I thought I'd do a breakdown of Phillip and his back story as presented in the books. So much of his character and mannerisms are informed by his history so to miss it is to misunderstand him IMHO.

Phillip Crane as a character, is a deeply emotionally scared man. He has so much compounded trauma it's not funny, starting from his father's abuse from childhood onwards, his brother's death, his marriage to Marina and ultimately her death which was both tragic and traumatic. Now I know many of you who are familiar will go "She was depressed for ten years and ultimately committed suicide, how is this HIS tragedy?" This is a fair point to bring up. #man pain. I will get to that, I promise.

The book however only has Phillip's POV and when it opens he is six months out from her funeral so not much time has passed. A snapshot of Phillip's life as presented in the book is he and his brother suffered from horrific abuse at the hands of their father. He has visible scars on his back as an adult from the beatings he endured as a child. His escape was two things, his brother George and attending school. He's a plant nerd, and he comes into his own through academic scholarship. His brother, who was a real paragon by all accounts dies at Waterloo, and Phillip is yanked out of school by his father for more abuse to whip him into shape as his heir. Part of this is forcing Phillip to marry Marina. They are both still mourning his brother. His father as some point drops dead of a heart attack right in front of Phillip mid abusive diatribe and Phillip inherits the baronet.

From Phillip's recollections he and Marina were had a decent marriage until her depression becomes extremely bad after the birth of the twins. There is an unfortunate scene (not the first in the Bridgerton series) where Phillip visits Marina at night after receiving permission from her. The sex is horrible because she is not in a good place and he doesn't clock it until it is too late. Going off of their previous times having sex he assumes he is doing something wrong which is why she is not responding. He doesn't realize that she is in fact legitimately not in the mood and her consent in her current mindset is not reliable.

Is it well written? We can debate it. But what it is meant to convey is a tricky situation where sexual consent used to mean something and now it does not. This experience ends up being scaring for both of them because even though he received consent which used to be reliable, this time it was not and he feels like he raped his wife. Marina is upset because the whole experience was probably demeaning for her and she isn't in a place where she can understand or communicate her wants or needs. There are those who argue that Phillip is a rapist but to me seeking consent and receiving it moves this more into really bad or traumatic sex. The consent is never rescinded.

At worst he should have noticed sooner, but at best he's better than Daphne.

Either way this event sets the tone for the next decade of Phillip and Marina's marriage. He swears off sex with her because he realizes that she isn't in a place to consent to it, and instead spends the years raising their two children and trying to help her out of her depression. With what is available to him he does his best but a modern audience knows that this is a losing battle for both of them once Marina's depression becomes what we would classify as clinical. In the end after a decade long struggle on both their parts, Marina tries to drown herself. Phillip stops her and she succumbs to 'lung fever' or some related illness shortly after.

About Marina

Marina Crane is a tragic character; she loses George (Phillip's older brother) the love of her life and is forced to marry his brother with little ceremony or time to grieve. She is written as already having issues with depression before the death of her fiancé, and develops what seems to be postpartum depression after the birth of her two children with Phillip which is left untreated (cause it's 1800') and it devolves over her marriage with Phillip. Because this is set in the 1800's there is no real help for the level of depression Marina suffers from for a decade. She is unable to connect with her children or live well, her husband is unable to help her and in the end she dies from the effects of a su**ide attempt locked inside her own personal hell. It is rough going.

Now while it is true that Marina is a tragic figure, I feel that it is too easily ignored that Phillip is as well. He is someone who has compounded trauma, who also had no escape from his situation and is doing his best to help someone who cannot be helped without any proper tools or assistance at all. He's not Mr. Rochester in Jane Eyre who's annoyed about his mentally ill wife and locks her in the attic and denies her existence. He actively tries to help Marina any way he knows how. He seeks advice from neighbors or health professionals, tries every approach and nothing is effective.

Just as Marina was trapped in a marriage with a man she didn't love with an illness she couldn't win against, Phillip was also trapped in a marriage with someone who couldn't communicate, who was a ghost of themselves and everything he does is ineffective.

In this day and age with the medicine and knowledge we have the awareness around mental illness is still sorely lacking, but it is a better understanding than the 19th Century.

All of this is to say both can be and are true. They are both victims of a series of tragic and unfortunate events and circumstances.

There is a reason there are support groups not only for those with depression but the caretakers of those with clinical depression and those who have lost loved ones to it. It is deeply traumatic to feel that you are the reason someone cannot get out of bed in the morning, that if you just tried harder they would be able to pull themselves out of it. If you have been in close to someone who is depressed clinically or otherwise, you know it takes a toll watching it. The longer you are witness to it the harder it is to stay 'logical' about the truth of what is happening. That it isn't personal, the individual isn't "not trying" because of self pity or laziness, they simply cannot control their thoughts or emotions.

If you are a person who encounters it upon occasion it is a bummer but you can shake it off. If you are living with someone suffering from it, it is mental and emotional torture, especially when you feel responsible and ARE responsible for the person's health and wellbeing. The feelings it engenders are dark and complicated. It leaves you twisting between bitterness that they won't try harder, shame that you didn't try harder or be better to help them and are blaming them for your incompetency and grief over the fact that they are slipping away and you cannot help. There is also a 50/50 shot between anger and numb resignation about the entire situation.

These are Phillip's actual feelings when it comes to Marina. Phillip does not see himself as a victim of her depression. He's not just 'pissed that he couldn't get laid by his sad wife'. He's someone who is trying to cope with the result of being handed a series of increasingly bad cards with no room or space or help to manage it all.

He has been second choice his whole life and by all appearances (to his mind) has failed to be the person he was meant to be. Namely, his brother George. George dies because he's serving his country while his baby brother gets to go to learn about plants. His father is abusive and dies because Phillip wasn't good enough to match George. Marina took her life because Phillip wasn't George.

He cannot separate his marriage from his grief over his brother that he never got to process, his feelings about watching his parent drop dead and the life he's been enduring since birth. It has been blow after blow by the time we meet him in the first chapter and it is probably the first time in over a decade that he has time to begin to process his life.

Only he can't because he has two children who are used to having their father around and don't understand why he locks himself away in his green house all day and cannot play with them.

Ok I think that's enough about Phillip, Part 2 will tackle him and Eloise in the book.

Feel free to leave your thoughts but I am not gonna tolerate attacks. If you have beef keep scrolling please.

@whatsaweekend here's the first part of what you inflicted on yourself LOL.

[ca-suffit]

Do you believe lestat would've saved claudia if he had the strength to save both cause i saw alot of people say that Jacob too

I'm combining this with this other ask too

Did you see Jacob saying that in the trial (where they are gonna die where Claudia is gonna die) Louis hates Lestat but also falls in love with him again? Like what is that... :/

a) re: Claudia. It was not my initial reaction to agree with hearing that when Jacob said that, but having read the books and based on some other things I'll explain in a sec......yes, it's prbly true.

I don't remember if this was a fandom post here or not, but wherever I saw it, there was a post once getting into how someone can care about u but still harm u. This is usually the biggest disconnect between the fandom (and sometimes Sam Reid himself) and the character of Lestat. In his book, he talks about how he cares about Claudia. U do see examples of it in the show as well. But overall how much did *she* rly feel that from him? How much did he explain the motivation of his actions that hurt her? How many times did he chose the cruelest way to do anything? The fandom is ready to always excuse everything away bcuz of whatever reason in his backstory explains it. Does Claudia ever know this tho? What does his trauma matter to her when he's only passing it on to her in different ways?

There's been a lot of good comments I've seen regarding how he defends her in the trial rehearsals too. How he's allowed to abuse her but nobody else is. How he can compliment her there finally bcuz she's under the scrutiny of others and *now* that's his daughter, *now* that's his blood. I mean, he was always seen bragging when she'd "take after him" before too, but u know what I mean. There are multiple ways to look at all of this and I think they all should be considered. That is the point of the show. Book ppl who are only looking to excuse their fav character are missing a lot of commentary regarding patriarchy, race, father / daughter relationships and whatever else.

The trial, to a degree, does follow the books and Lestat *is* shown being distraught at Claudia's death there too. It's not an act but we haven't gotten more of the pieces yet from the show canon. It also doesn't mean he's going to suddenly change to become another character. A majority of what Louis is haunted by regarding Claudia is based in all the ways he feels like he failed her. That will most likely be Lestat's perspective too. A lot of their shared grief is how much they fucked up someone else's life bcuz of their relationship and how she ultimately suffered the most bcuz of it. This is a common struggle for parents to examine as their kids grow up and give feedback on the experiences of being raised by ppl who maybe didn't have their shit together v well.

b) re: Loustat at the trial. This again ties back to their history as a couple and as parents, as well as both coming from abusive pasts. On the surface, it makes no fucking sense why Louis would be sitting there having *any* positive thoughts about Lestat in that moment. But he's been hallucinating him for so long and waiting for him to be real again that some part of it is still a relief. Circumstances being what they were, when they first made eye contact, u can see and feel the shift. It's even timed in Armand's notes.

Louis has always struggled to "hate" Lestat. He wouldn't have been able to kill Lestat if Claudia hadn't been there, u see him struggle in the 70s interview, u see him struggle in the Dubai interview. Lestat is the first real relationship he ever had. Louis comes from trauma and is drawn to trauma and he passes on trauma to Claudia too. This is Lestat too. This is a large part of why their relationship and all of these relationships are so compelling. It's real, it's tragic, it's fucked up. Louis continuously wants to be with Lestat but also kill Lestat and it's for so many different reasons. Some are all about Lestat and some are about Louis and his own self-loathing.

Being raised in trauma makes u easily susceptible to codependency. Abuse can deepen this bcuz it can make a relationship feel more "real," especially if that's what ur brain has associated with "this is what being loved feels like" (which is what happens if ur abused as a kid by ppl u rely on to survive). It's been established that Louis doesn't like "boring," but stuff like this is not sustainable either, even for vampires. We're still in the "idk wtf I'm doing" stage of anything for all of them and we'll have to see where the show is taking us for what direction this goes in over time.

I mean, this scene sums it all up p well.

[verysium]

“the abused become the abuser” is the perfect description of Kaiser and i have to agree on your opinions on his backstory and when you said that in one of your posts. The amount of trauma he had survived, his mother leaving him alone with that shit excuse of a father that he lived and all of a beating from his father is heart shattering. Constant fear and pain in only things he knew while growing up, “if i fall, im gonna die” is practically his motto. Constantly stuck in a loop he is not even aware that he is apart of. He is not a bad person but he bites and wrestles yet he doesn’t know AND down enjoy it. He is not a violent man naturally and he doesn’t know why he bites.

(did i absolutely repeat that famous quote of a “isle of dogs” film, of course i did because it’s a perfect match for this)

🚬 *sighs in three octaves of melodrama* i'm not strong enough for this right now. gonna need to smoke ten full packs later just to forget about the eerie amount of similarities i have with said fictional character. i guess we're digging more up than flowers at this point in spring. we're digging up the skeletons too. of all the gut-wrenching character tropes to exist, kaiser just had to embody the worst ones. he becomes the very thing that he hates. he destroys everything he touches. he tries to escape his fate but ends up fulfilling it in the process.

i think the most horrible part of it all is the cyclical nature of his pain. everything in his family is passed down onto him. he acts just like his father, and he looks just like his mother. the one place where his parents are finally united in love is in the features of his own face. but even then, he's never satisfied with how he looks, constantly changing his appearance until he no longer recognizes himself in the mirror.

tbh this was a pandora's box because ever since his backstory dropped, everything kaiser has done in the past now has different meaning. he literally told ness a few chapters ago that the only time he ever felt genuine happiness was when he was destroying other people's lives. back then, it might've been interpreted as some sadistic tendency to crush other people's dreams in order to bring up his own. but now, it's more or less a reflection of his past. he was told that he ruined everything (his parent's marriage, his father's life, whatever potential happiness he could've had), so i guess he sort of internalized this cruelty.

i think kaiser is the type of person to hunger for fame not out of greed but out of desperate belief. he think that if he works hard enough, proves himself strong enough, climbs high enough, he can reach a point where no one will ever be able to touch him. and that also means no one will ever be able to hurt him.

[moistvonlipwig]

3, 12, 18, and 19 for teen wolf (no worries if you want to pass on any of them)?

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you’ve seen on tumblr

oh see now this question is impossible because teen wolf fandom is capable of producing bad takes that other fandoms can only dream of. "scott helping align a dog's broken leg in his capacity as an assistant vet tech is animal abuse." "stalia is problematic because malia is 45 in coyote years." "scott violated/raped derek" (re: a scene in which scott is forced under duress to make derek bite gerard, which derek only objected to because he did not know about scott's secret plan). "stiles is the only one who ever respected derek." "scott has been narrating the entire show to make himself look better." "deaton is shady and evil." "scott abused jackson" (a real thing someone sent to my inbox). even jeff davis got in on it with "kira's story didn't have anything left to explore." however despite stiff competition i do think we have to give this award to "scott is a werewolf colonizer" because there is something so special about accusing a mexican boy of colonizing the culture of white people who are living in california. and also because it is so so funny to say.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

hm. i don't know if i like any characters who are unpopular within the fandom circles i travel in. like certainly scott is unpopular with the fandom at large, we know this, but i don't travel in those circles so. idk. i guess i think victoria argent is interesting? imo after allison she's the most compelling argent. i think killing yourself rather than becoming a werewolf shows a kind of commitment to one's ideology that automatically makes a character interesting. i don't know what the popular opinion on victoria argent is but that's my take.

18. it’s absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on…

see again i could point to fandom at large for this but frankly fandom at large sleeps on anything that isn't sterek or steter so i could say anything and it would be true. so my actual answer is that i think more people should ship theo/mason. i get why sceo is popular but i don't know why thiam is so big when...thason? meo? (personally i am voting for meo as a ship name because it looks like meow. however i am willing to be overruled.)...is right there. one of my actual most unpopular opinions is idgaf about morey because i couldn't care less about corey. i don't even know that boy's last name. he's nothing to me. but theo/mason??? both of them experimented on by the dread doctors, one of them 'evil' and the other 'good' (too 'good' to be traumatized, if you ask jeff davis, which is why you should never ask jeff davis), one of them so compassionate and caring, the other callous and lacking empathy, on opposite sides of the fight, yet both bound by the same trauma, and both deep inside wanting to help? look i'm not a big m/m shipper so i'm not gonna write the fic but SOMEONE should write the fic. is what i'm saying.

19. you’re mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like…

disclaimer i am not ashamed of liking anything because, to paraphrase the great cordelia chase, shame is not something to be proud of. however i am a little mad that stiles and derek genuinely have such a fun relationship. i do actually wish they had more scenes together and i would happily watch an entire episode that was just the two of them on a buddy cop roadtrip and if people wrote more platonic fic of them with their canon personalities being forced into Situations together then i Would read it. i don't ship them because it's not my cup of tea shipping-wise and i think fanon sterek is nothing like canon sterek and is deeply uninteresting but in the year 2024 i must confess that canon stiles & derek did make some points.

[time222pretend]

ok i've been hype as hell for opening day but i wasn't smart enough to draft an intro so apologies bc i'm writing this as fast as i can to get it out on the dash. anyways this is yang hyein aka the yang canon and under the cut is a tl;dr (that's actually long as hell) about hyein (tho tw abuse) and please give this a like if you're interested in plotting!

ok so important part first: libra sun, aqua moon, pisces rising

now the rest: only child of yang sihyuk the current patriarch of the yang family and bc she's a girl she's the last of the yang line so like imagine growing up with that pressure

and tbh her dad like lowkey (highkey) resents her for being born a girl and like tbh bro didn't want to marry her mother anyways so like really was just another strike against her as far as her dad was concerned

and like bro also was very much in competition with park i's father so like the yang vs park competition was INCREDIBLY real in his mind so like again having a daughter by a lady he didn't even fucking want like it was like he lost in a way so like def punished hyein even tho like bro it was your sperm that determined the biological sex but anyways

so like idk growing up her dad def used the bible to enforce his will but also justify his actions and like explain away his like shitty behavior (ie cheating on his wife like abusing his family emotionally and physically bc he's frustrated with his own life)

and like tbh hyein tried very hard to be a very good girl and like present that way bc like if she did she kind of sort of gained her dad's approval but like also she was raised in a way where like ok your dad treats you like shit but also constantly reminds you that you're better than the rest so you need to act like you're better than the rest and be the girl they think you are

and tbh it was a lot easier to be that way as a kid bc she had a mother who like tbh had nothing better to do so she just fully invested into her daughter and was super overbearing

but her mom passes away when she's 12 and like idk the whole illusion kinda like starts to break apart from there bc part of it is like going from always being monitored and like having too much attention to just having none and her dad not giving a shit about her so long as she's out of sight out of mind paired with starting puberty and feeling rebellious and stuff

but like her dad is not about to be actively publicly embarrassed by a daughter he didn't want so like kinda does the whole double life thing where as like you know publicly she's still a good church girl sits in the front pew whatever and like idk outside of church though she starts hanging out with kids she shouldn't (s/o jeongbin, park ii, bae, and moon) and smoking and drinking and whatever and like a dumb part of her kinda thought like ok this is how life is gonna be and in a fucked up way she can be like her dad and present one day and have her private life be that

only like shit kinda never works out that way bc we all know what happens to jeongbin and tbh she never talks about that but like safe to say she was actually in love with jeongbin though their relationship genuinely was kind of fucked up and one of those things where like when you're raised by a bad man you seek out shitty men but she did love him

and idk after her went "missing" i think tbh part of her went missing with him like she got a lot colder and tbh she hardly ever talks about him ever again and like lmao gets engaged to his cousin and keeps it like business is moving but like idt she ever like processed the trauma she just moved on the way she did and the way she knows how to do things is pretend everything is fine and good

only she kinda girlbosses to close to the sun bc like a couple events happen simultaneously, she and park i get engaged, and like her dad has a stroke (which tbh probs from the stress of her getting engaged to the son of his rival but WHATEVER), and she starts having these honestly terrifying dreams of jeongbin being PISSED at her and they feel so real the shit is starting to scare the fuck out of her

and it all culminates bc one day like a little before the wedding she finds this dead fox on her doorstep and it's been mutilated and like tbh i think it was the straw that broke the camel's back for her and pushed her over the edge and she literally was just like "fuck it" stole some money from her dad and just skipped town

and then the subsequent 8 years as far as hyein is concerned are redacted like no one needs to know what she was up to, or what she did or why like if you ask her what went on while she was gone she's just like "huh? what are you talking about" like let me gaslight u into thinking nothing happened even tho like girl you came back even colder than you were before and like you seem more concerned with your position in life clearly something happened

and the something that happened is like a girl who got catered to her whole life had to meet the real world and it was a fucking rude awakening

but anyways she FINALLY comes back to goero in january of 2023 even though she'd been back in korea for a few months and tbh she came back bc like jeongbin's official funeral but also like tbh idk if you've been treated like shit for 8 years suddenly all the shit you went through growing up doesn't seem so bad and like it feels nice to be home

even tho home is like worse in some ways bc her dad has had a few more strokes since she's been gone and her stepmom (we don't have time to get into that girl) and aunt have been "running" the family business and by that like bro running that shit into the ground so like hyein is happy to be home but also like coming in on a fucking mess and at the end of the day it's HER inheritance they're fucking up so like she literally has just stayed in town and like took her dad's spot on the elder council and been fighting with members of her own family to like get control of shit so she can fix it

and tbh incidentally like her taking over for her family's timber business actually ends up helping a bunch of people working at the mill which cool for them she was just fixing the business bc she's been a broke loser for 8 years and she's fucking done with it adn the company was super mismanged but i guess it's nice some people benefit

but tbh like even though she's benefitting people and tbh fr stepping more into her power and the role she has people like def resent her bc girl you've been gone all this time and now you're just gonna run shit like nothing happened? and hyein who in goero was never told no is just like "yeah i am" and not apologize for it

bc if she were a man it'd be fine but she's a woman so like anyways yeah probs has a reputation for being a bitch and like judging by her actions in the past like they're def not wrong like lmao she def takes what she thinks belongs to her no questions asked but like tbh she actually means well and like what not so yeah

i could've added more but this is long as hell so hmu for plotting and i apologize for talking too much i'm just excited

[dirty-droid]

Huge same lmao

I remember as a kid some characters were becoming my favourites PRECISELY because they were badly hurt or traumatised and watching it I was like "oh damn, I feel so bad for them, it makes me feel an EMOTION."

Some people assume it's a form of sadism, but imo it's like the exact opposite. You want them to be hurt because it makes you feel compassion for them and the emotion of it is so strong it's addicting. Like no other thing makes you root for a character as strongly as living through their traumatic experience with them

(while at the same time just being told about some sad backstory doesn't always work and sometimes accomplishes the exact opposite because it feels like an author is cheating by attempting to make you, as a viewer, feel sympathy without actually making you live with them through some shit. Also the opposite is true, and characters that are nothing but a punching bag of the narrative are getting exhausting to tolerate pretty damn fast)

I see you've seen my tags 😅 yeah I had a whole phase in middle school, when H*rry P*tter was popular, being obsessed with Sirius Black and all the depression and abuse and suffering in his story, like THAT was my first fandom experience.

I don't have anything against the sadism, but I think a lot of it is just more, like, masochism. It's a way of processing your own unspoken trauma, I was getting bullied at school, in a controlling environment at home, and my autism was still undiagnosed, ya boy wasn't doing well at those young ages and it's so cathartic to know that you're not alone.

It is absolutely addicting though, the high stakes, the big emotions, the way that fear passes through you when it's not real. I think I had a little bit of a fandom theory the other day, because we've all seen the posts about how a mediocre, or even shitty piece of media will drive a fandom nuts because it gives you something to latch onto long term in a way that something that's truly really well done won't. Eventually you run out of things you talk about, right? Well I think the exception is something that's well done- but fucked up. Hannibal still trends weekly around here, and it was executed wonderfully, it's a very well done story... And it's fucked up. It's spicy, it's different, it gives it that staying power

I'm rambling, but I totally agree on that show/tell thing, i think it's just... Maybe it's the predictability too, a punching bag is just gonna keep being a punching bag. And a sad backstory for a character you don't like is only going to be annoying because you weren't going to like them in the first place!

[runthepockets]

I've been thinking a lot today about how self hatred seems pretty integral to straight culture, at least from all the passing remarks my gay friends and peers have made throughout our time together. Like that analysis of Carmen and Richie from The Bear is really sticking with me, the way fans resonate and are more forgiving of the latter because he's that of your average red blooded working class old school straight dude, while Carmen is seen as prissy and pathetic and weird by some fans for not linearly healing from unlinear trauma, for standing up for women and taking no issue with having them in power, some headcanoning him gay or trans for all this. I was watching Bojack Horseman with one of my old roommates last year and he made a comment like "it's so crazy that they made Diane go this hard for feminism and they still made her straight", almost as if to imply straight women don't need feminism and if their feminism goes any deeper than centricism or liberalism then they've probably got more going on, so the reverse of this exists for straight women too.

It's fascinating. People will assume you're gay if you're a nice / sensitive dude, as evidenced both by real life interactions that've been recounted to me by my straight guy friends and by the countless amount of headcanons that any boy or man in fiction with trauma who tries to do the right thing is a trans guy or a gay dude. I mindlessly reblog pictures of shirtless guys + male positivity posts cus "hey that's cool, I could look like that. I hope people think I'm as cool as this guy looks." Men are pretty cool" " or "yeah, men do have the potential to be good. I'm a man, I like to think this is the case" and very little more, and next thing I know I've got like 3 dudes trying to slide in my DMs. I have my personal grievances with these lines of thinking; I think they're really limiting and kind of regressive, especially from the perspective of anyone who's serious about any kind of gender or sexuality liberation. I don't think it's a crime to have headcanons or to want to find other gay people or to want to be seen in your media of choice, or any of that stuff, but I do think it's kinda rude to talk about straight people who don't fit into neat little boxes of "rampant abuser" and "vapid floozy who'll agree to anything as long as it gets her a husband" as if they're, like, weirdos or a waste or something. Part of sex and gender and feminist liberation means that everyone gets to do whatever they want. You're gonna meet a lot of straight women like Diane Nguyen, you're gonna meet a lot of straight men like Carmen Berzatto.

More importantly though, it just makes me kinda sad. Like the only way to love yourself and your gender and the people around you is so lacking in straight culture that people will sooner assume you're gay when you do good things for the women in your life or when a woman has a life outside of her husband. Like why did we do this to ourselves. It sucks bad.

[alfredsolos]

Hello, how are you? Can I ask for headcanons? What if damian wayne /or al ghul/ cheated on the reader with someone else and the reader found out and broke up with damian, how would damian react? Would he regret it? Would he be sad? Would he try to get the reader back? I mean, can you make headcanons by adding other things that you can think of like that? Have a nice day

Hi! First of all I'm doing amazing and thank you for the ask.

So, I don't really like x reader headcanons and I don't really make posts consisting of that. But since you took your time to ask, I'm gonna change it a little and give you my headcanons for "What would happen if Damian cheated on his partner?". You can still think of this as a x reader post though.

I believe that, to talk about this kind of topic, we need to get into details. Before going into the whole cheating thing, let's talk about:

What kind of person Damian's partner be?

I made a similar point in another post, but I don't believe in opposites attract. At least not with Damian. So for Damian to be involved in a romantic relationship with someone, that person needs to be similar to him.

By similar, I mean his past and life experiences. Damian had a very brutal and unloving child hood. He was never seen as a child so he subconciously became more mature and indifferent to deal with the trauma and abuse. What I believe is that, his partner would have a similar background. Maybe an assassin like him or a runaway or just someone with a very bad childhood. I don't think that person would be childish or immature at all. I think his partner would be someone either as indifferent as him or a little crazy.

As you may have noticed, I didn't specify a gender for Damian's partner. I don't think it would matter to him to be honest. I know that the fandom portray him to be very traditional and sometimes homophobic. But I don't believe that's a correct assumption to make. For one, Talia herself has slept with women in canon. So I don't think he would be homophobic either.

Going on about the partner's character: I think they would be someone who'd be indifferent to Damian's troubled past and the crimes he (was forced to) commit. I think they'd be understanding and soft from time to time.

I personally think that It'd be very cute and hilarious if Damian's partner was someone who is very flirty. Or at least very blatant just like him.

Another favorite headcanon of mine is that, him and his partner would be the kind of couple who wrestle and playfully fight, throw shit at each other, make fun of each other. They'd look as if they hate each other, but deep down they're just in love.

My previous point + but his partner knows how to fight too. So they're just casually having a death tournament during a date.

Before the cheating, what happens?

I'd like to point out that I don't believe Damian would cheat on someone unless it's a misunderstanding or after a fight in which he thinks that they're broken up because he never had a relationship before and doesn't know how it works.

For that, I'm gonna split this part into two. One, it's a misunderstanding. Two Damian thinks they've broken up.

Damian thinks they're over:

As I've pointed out before, Damian's partner would be someone with a past like his and indifferent to most crimes. You can think of them as a villain, anti hero, or just a talented fighter who just doesn't give a fuck.

And since they're indifferent and potentially doesn't mind committing crimes, the Batfam would not like them. Especially Bruce. So due to that, a fight could break out between Damian and his lover and they'd respectively storm out.

You may be asking, why won't they just have a deep conversation with each other? Well like I said, bad life bad coping mechanisms.

And to Damian, who is very blunt in his actions himself, this would mean that they'd broken up.

I don't wanna keep this long so time passes and Damian, although still in love and confused about his partner, would obliviously try to move on with life. I don't think he'd seek out a relationship himself. But other people would. So maybe that could be how he gets "caught cheating". By his partner.

It's actually a big (and dark) misunderstanding:

In this headcanon someone makes a move on Damian without his constent. And that's how he's "caught".

There a lot of very dark scenarios for this. You could say he was drugged, forcefully held down or just frozen in shock. So when the partner finds them, the assaulter would quickly get the fuck out of there leaving Damian in shock. And seeing him stammer and in shock, the partner could assume the worst of the situation.

After:

Whether if it's the first or the second option, one thing the partner would do in both of these situations is to hurt or try to kill the person Damian "cheated" with.

Going from the first option, Damian would be incredibly confused and annoyed. Like he had thought that they'd broke up, but that person just shows up and randomly tries to assassinate people he interacted with. He'd try to stop the attacks and after a couple of misunderstanding they'd work the truth out of each other and hopefully move on with their life never talking about the "incident".

If you preferred the second and darker option: Damian would go off the radar while his partner kills the assaulter not knowing it was actually a rape situation. The partner would then try to forget about Damian but eventually seek him out because they'd be still hurting from the "betrayal". You can even go down into the self harm and body issues path for Damian.

They find Damian and after a very long and uncomfortable conversation truth comes out and everything is just fucked again. As they're both people who don't know how to deal with emotions properly, they'd seperate for a while.

You can end this with an unhappy ending like this. Or they can get back together after a long while and try to understand and bond with each other more thoroughly. Their relationship would be stronger than ever.

Anyways, this is the end of my headcanons. I know it's not really what you asked but hopefully you'll like these. And if you have any more headcanons you want to talk about, please ask!

[justarandomsimp77]

DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO TOPICS INVOLVING ABUSE TRAUMA OR PTSD!!!! You have been warned I guess??? Keep reading if ya want, but I'm not forcing you too.

So it is Easter. A time to eat candy and have a fun time with your close family and friends. Unless you are me. Will you believe me if I said that today I almost had a panic attack because of candy? Probably not right? Well... I did. And why you may ask, well I know nobody is going to care and it's a bad idea to vent onto the Internet but I need someone or at least somewhere to put my problems and this is a last resort. I may just be acting like a moody teenager but I actually feel like this is a problem. So back on topic, why did I almost have a panic attack over some candy? Well, a long time ago back when I was around the age of 7 I had this big dog that I do not remember the name of. And he was my best best friend! It was early in the year and somebody in my family, not saying who, would abuse the hell out of our dog. I mean he would pull the collar to the point our dog would scream choke and cry, he would yell at him anytime he made the most small sound, beat him if he even tried to poop on the floor and so on and so on. But this dog was my favorite and I always slept with him because i thought he would protect me. I was a very skittish and fearful child at night, and knowing that I had such a big strong dog around made me happy! But I don't know what happened but my dog got really really sick one day. And we couldn't afford a vet, so I had to slowly watch day by day as this dog would get more skinny, puke, shut blood, and shake. Even though he was dying the person (not saying who) would still harm him, and I was like 7 what am I gonna do tell him to stop? Anyways it was late at night and I was munching on these rainbow candy strips and the dog looked at me with the biggest puppy eyes known to man. So being an ignorant and unknowing child I have him one. And about ehhh five minutes later he was starting to hurl blood on the carpet profusely and I watched in fear with a pale face. My grandma was sleeping at the time and the other person who abused the dog was outside smoking. So I watched as the dog 'passed out' in his crate with a bloody mouth and all this blood was on the floor. I looked down at the candy in my hands with rivers of tears streaming down my face and the only thing repeating in my mind was 'this is your fault'. I still think it's my fault to this day, and I'm unsure why. But after that day I never ate rainbow candy again, no rainbow cotton candy, no rainbow types of candy. If it looked like a rainbow, I didn't eat it. And today at easter I was doing an Easter basket hunt with my two brothers (they aren't actually my brothers but it's close enough) and I found my basket. I grabbed it and saw the rainbow candy. I ignored it and as soon as I came up to my room I was in tears sobbing and thinking about all the blood I saw and my dead dog and having flashbacks of when he was abused. And my father came into the room and said "why are you crying?" I didn't tell him. I don't like to talk to my father about my problems, he always turns it into a joke or says I'm being overdramatic. And I was being overdramatic, it was my fault and I was being extremely overdramatic. It happened over 6 years ago, I have no right to be crying over it. But my father sat down with me and gave me the 'disappointed' look. In short words he turned my crying into a joke, and left the room after i smiled. Of course I didn't want to smile, but I wanted to be alone. And after I smiled I just went back to crying. did I have a panic attack? Almost. Did I have a mental breakdown? Yes. Absolutely. But yeah that's about all, you don't need to like share or repost I just needed to get that out in some way. I feel a bit better now, but I probably will never feel truly better about what happened. Thank you for taking time out of your day and reading, it really means the world to me.. goodbye, hope to see you again?

[dumdeeedum]

What difference between book and show is the hardest for you to deal with? For me it's how much Louis has changed (I can handle the diverse aspect of the backstory and I love Jacob!) but I feel like a lot of his personality is different.

Mostly it's the issues that arose from making it so Louis knows about vampire powers. One of the good things about Louis was how "human" he was and I didn't see them as having any GOOD reason why Louis and Claudia should know about and be able to do what other vampires could do. And it all felt in service of making Louis the victim of physical abuse instead of the verbal/psychological abuse he experiences in the book which doesn't work for me. ESPECIALLY if there's an aspect of an unreliable narrator at play. I didn't need Lestat brutalizing Louis with his vampire powers for the sake of the reveal that Lestat could do these things, those things WERE for Lestat to reveal and why Lestat's books were so much more egregious to the vampire world than Louis'. I also don't like Louis in his relationship with Armand because he's completely disempowered in that as well and not only does that not work for me because of who Louis is but also and especially because of who ARMAND is. They're also SO boring together which is the gravest sin for me when it comes to entertainment. But I still think Louis could have worked if not for the bigger issues around him. I don't like what they did to Armand and Daniel and I don't find any of it interesting. I think Anne Rice was able to do more for them in ONE chapter than this show has been able to do the entire series and it legitimately would have been more interesting to have Armand drive Daniel mad and to drive him to destroy his body with alcohol before he's eventually turned into a vampire by Armand who can't let him go than this shit. If you're still gonna go the abuse route lean into the interesting abuse! I know how fucked up that sounds but that's the series! Not only do I not find it interesting but I don't understand the point of it because they've changed Armand COMPLETELY for what feels like the sake of something short-lived instead of understanding that Armand is an enduring character. Granted, we've still got a few episodes to go but right now it feels like Armand is obsessed with Louis and has turned into an abusive villain to keep him when the truth is WAY more interesting: Armand has always been obsessed with LESTAT and they're ALL villains! I don't know how much of "The Vampire Lestat" and onward they'll give us but I'm genuinely worried about these changes to the characters because they took REALLY interesting concepts that could have been expanded upon and just let them fall flat on their face. I've also harped on this a lot but this young people mess coming from all these 35+ year olds is weird to me. Armand SHOULD have been young and young looking, it IS important to his character that he never physically and mentally matured and has a shitload of trauma on top of that. Louis should have been more mature than Lestat who is called "The Brat Prince" for a reason. Lestat becomes a vampire because he runs away to Paris with his boyfriend. That, again, is NOT men pushing 40 mess! They also COMPLETELY took the wind out of the sails of Claudia being a child by making her too old as a character and hiring people who can pass for adults to play her and I can see them totally floundering on that now because they've also failed to expand on her and actually dumbed her down. I love the changes in the time period and had so much hope for it but they're going about it in SUCH a bizarre way where it feels like they want to have their cake of Lestat being a pre-revolution French Lord and eat it too. I don't see why Lestat is so much older as a vampire when part of his character IS that Lestat is really only 10 rl years older than Louis in the books. He's sent away from Marius because of it! When Lestat is like 150 years old it's, again, less interesting to me and dumber! And what was the POINT of it??

tl;dr I had hope for this series and now it's just boring drivel. They should have gone the miniseries/1 series for "Interview" route and built up to Akasha.