#'I WAS ABUSED LIKE THIS TOO YOU KNOW so i'm gonna pass on the trauma for MY comfort and happiness he doesn't have it as bad as -I- did'

[aqours]

i love how they both addressed that abuse tends to circulate as this fucking evil awful horrible cycle that only ends when people chose to break the train while also making it clear airi was a fucking revolting disgusting person who tries to justify what she does instead of breaking that cycle who can only whine and cry when a kid who isn't even 14 calls her out on it

[whisperofaflame]

I have a fic idea-I don’t know how to write it but i just wanted to get it out and I’d like to hear your thoughts- so anyway R has flashbacks sometimes because of trauma and her name she uses is a nick name but her legal name brings back lots of trauma-she never told Wanda and nat because she didn’t think anything about it would come up but then the three get in a argument and one of them ends up in one of them yelling at R with there legal name-a panic trauma response ensuing angst and then some hurt comfort and then them helping R change there name to get it out of Rs life as much as they can.

Oh my god, this unleashed something within me and I just spent the last hour hammering out my interpretation of this prompt -- I really love it! It's not proofread but I'm gonna post now because it's 00:30 and I still need to get ready for bed whoops... ♡

(Also I really hope this is okay, I am slightly worried that I misinterpreted you and you just wanted my approval to write it yourself?)

By Any Other Name

Content Warning: implied past experiences of abuse

---------⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅---------

When you first met Wanda and Natasha, you had introduced yourself with your nickname, and that’s all they had ever used to address you in the months since. They needed nothing else, nothing more — they had a catalogue of cutesy pet names to employ, after all. But you knew they were aware of your full name, though they had never spoken it. They’d no doubt noticed it, on the letters from the bank which they passed blithely to you after sorting through the post. It had never been discussed, not even in a teasing way. So you just assumed they’d pieced it together themselves, and it never occurred to you to explain, to be explicit about your feelings towards that haunted moniker. Until it came back to bite you.

It was a silly argument, really. You had broken the rules, failed to update them of your whereabouts and gone AWOL on a Friday evening. They had every right to be angry, and you ought to have bowed your head and offered apologies. But you were feeling emboldened by the alcohol, and a little frustrated by the events of the evening (your friend had ditched you for some guy, leaving you alone at the party searching for her for at least an hour, before someone finally informed you that she had gone). You were pissed off at her, and taking it out on your dommes. Petulant, pathetic. But you didn’t have the clarity of mind to realise it. So you just kept on pushing…

---------⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅---------

“You had us worried sick!” Wanda tells you, her concerned frown causing a pang of guilt in your chest, an ache you didn’t anticipate, and haven’t prepared for. So you bat it away, and purse your lips in an obstinate display of indifference.

“What do you have to say for yourself?” Natasha interrogates you, clearly riled by your lack of remorse.

“It’s a Friday night! I have every right to go out!”

“Honey, you know the rules…” Wanda begins, but Natasha cuts her off.

“Don’t baby her, detka, she’s being a brat.”

“Oh… fuck off,” you reply, crossing your arms initially through defiance, and then increasingly as a means to protect yourself from the flash of fury in Natasha’s eyes.

“What did you say to me?”

Your heart is almost pounding out of your chest, knowing you’ve pushed it too far, stepped well past the line of brattiness and into dangerous disrespect. But your drunken ego decides to double down. And you turn away, arms still crossed around your chest, your head slightly tilted up as you look to the corner of the room, away from their piercing, disapproving looks.

And then Natasha says it, growls it out like a dog. Your full name, the extra syllables emerging from her lips like something inedible she is forced to spit out. She continues speaking, finishing her sentence with some chastisement you can’t hear. Because all that reverberates in your head is another voice, shouting your name with unbridled fury. The sound is like a whip that cracks through your body. It splits everything in its wake, leaving only stinging, screaming pain. You can’t think, but you don’t need to. Your body responds, because your body remembers…

You stumble back, your legs recalling the need to retreat. 

Flight? 

Your hands raise, hovering in a loose stack at chest height, ready to form a fist should you need. 

Fight? 

But when a body advances towards you, you are struck with their height, and overwhelmed by their physical supremacy. Your fingers quiver as you lift them higher, splayed out in anticipation, ready to shield your cheeks. 

Flinch? 

Your back meets the wall, and the first option you clung to is suddenly no longer available; there is no chance to flee when two bodies are between you and the door. And they both approach even closer, their arms outstretched, rendering your other two options futile in such close proximity. 

So you just surrender to the last available instinct. You slide down the wall, and curl up in a ball. 

Freeze.

How long has it been? Were you lost? Were you dreaming? You continue to feel an intermittent tug in your stomach, your muscles clenching as they anticipate a blow. But nothing ever comes. No pain accompanies the images flashing through your mind. There is only silence. Only space.

“Y/N?”

A soft voice breaks through. It doesn’t belong here. Not that tone, not that name. It doesn’t match the memories replaying in your mind.

“Honey, we’re here. You’re okay.”

It sounds so foreign, so unbelievable. The strangeness of the words, of the sweetness, begins to disrupt the cacophony of fear. The images begin to blur, and the edges of your body seem to come back into focus. You can feel where the space ends, and your body begins. Even in the darkness of your tightly-shut eyelids, you can feel that you are back. Back home. Not the old one, with the old name. But the new one. With them. 

“I’m just here. I’m right by you. Wanda is too. We’re here, when you’re ready.”

You can hear how close she is now; you can almost feel her presence in the air. She doesn’t sound angry anymore, but you’ve been tricked before by others. Lured out of safe spaces, just to be met with the wrath anew. 

You clutch your knees a little tighter, trying to grip on to this reality, and avoid being swept away again. The alcohol even feels like waves, lapping at your skin from within, uprooting your sense of balance and stability as the world continues to sway. 

You open your eyes, hoping to gaze upon something stationary, to find something to anchor yourself to. When you do, the first thing you see is Natasha, kneeling before you with her hands resting on her thighs. Wanda sits cross-legged beside her, tears brimming in her eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” Natasha whispers, her voice wavering with regret. “I shouldn’t have said it. I should have known.”

You wish you could reassure her, but your mouth is so dry and there’s still a lump in your throat, like a physical lid you have somehow evolved over the years when backchat was a threat, and the stopper could save you. 

“I promise you, I will never say it again. Ever,” Natasha pledges, and she looks so serious and sad that you don’t think you could ever doubt it. 

Wanda’s tears break through, and begin to stream down her cheeks. Natasha doesn’t break her gaze from you, but her hand reaches out for her wife, and Wanda takes hold of it, accepting the small comfort while you remain unavailable for touch, for reassurance of their love for you, and yours for them. Your skin prickles, and you’re not sure if it’s from the lingering fear, or the burgeoning need. 

“Just nod when you’re ready,” Wanda suggests, wiping her tears with her free hand and giving you a wobbly smile of encouragement. We can take it slow. But I’d really love to hold you, when you’re ready.”

You try to steady your breaths, each one an effort to fully release before drawing more in. When the ache begins to ease, you give the tiniest nod of your head. 

Wanda lets go of Natasha’s hand, and opens both arms to you, scooting forwards a little on the floor, closing the gap. Your head spins a little as you lean it down to rest on her shoulder. But Wanda holds you steady, her arms enveloping you and her fingers gently stroking your spine and the hair on the back of your head.

“Shhhh…” she whispers. “I’ve got you.”

Her loving arms and tender tone break down your thorny defences, and your body begins to shake with suppressed sobs, now released in the safety of her hold. She lets you cry it out, murmuring sweet nothings, all the while stroking you and keeping your close. Natasha remains nearby. Silent but steady. Waiting for when you are ready to accept her back in. 

When you begin to wipe your eyes, Wanda knows she can release you without letting you drift away. Your eyes find Natasha’s once your head lifts from Wanda’s shoulder. And you find her eyebrows knitted with concern as she studies you, clearly trying to gauge your feelings towards her. 

“Natty?” you whisper, the first word that emerges despite her being the one who pulled the trigger. The simple call of her name tells her everything she needs to know. You forgive her, and you need her forgiveness too.

“Come here, baby,” she says gently, though she doesn’t make you move of your own accord. Instead, she pulls you to her, and hums a mixture of approval and relief when you begin to wrap your arms and legs around her, settling your full weight in her lap.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” she whispers in your ear. “Can you forgive me, milaya?”

“Mm-hm,” you murmur, from your position tucked tightly in her arms. Words are hard right now, but you try. “Forgive me?”

“Of course I do,” she assures you. “You made a mistake, but it’s okay, my love. We can talk about it tomorrow. Tonight is just for cuddles, and feeling better.”

You nod against her, your cheek brushing against the skin of Natasha’s sternum. 

“Tomorrow we’re going to sort it, honey,” Wanda says, her voice gentle but decisive. “We can get it changed properly; we can figure it out together.”

Natasha hums her agreement, and you feel your breathing slow as you process Wanda’s words. Natasha brushes back your hair, and when you glance up at her you see that she’s looking down at you with such solemnity and love.

“We’ll make sure the only name you ever need to see or hear again is your own, okay?” She tells you, echoing Wanda’s sentiment that they’ll help you heal this wound.

Your fingers find her hand, and you give it a gentle squeeze. Your name is your own. But you? You are theirs.

[mweothe11e]

PAC: "Little Warnings"

(this is strictly for entertainment purposes only)

Unfortunately, this is gonna hurt. So, don't read through this if you're already going through some pretty harsh stuff.

When I felt called to do this PAC, I felt that we needed to be humbled and check ourselves occasionally to see if we were being a bit too arrogant. It's such an odd feeling to be called to do this theme for this specific PAC, but hey, even if not every loving call out may be meant for others, every message is still, in some shape or form, valid. Not all of it may resonate with you, and that is still okay~

But I am manifesting that you will encounter this when the universe deems you need to be lovingly knocked down a few pegs~

Nothing wrong with a little loving call-out?

Pile 1:

Cards Pulled:

Queen of Wands, Hierophant, 5 of Coins

Hi Pile 1, if you chose this pile, whenever part of your journey you read this, here are your little warnings you might need to know, so only take what resonates with you, okay?

"Aren't you getting a bit over your head lately? Nothing wrong about being confident in your own abilities but you don't need to rub it in other people's faces that you know you're that Queen B~"

"There's a fine line between confidence and arrogance, my dear. If you don't want to be perceived as someone abrasive or cheap, you know what you need to do."

"Traditions are great and all but there's always room to make new traditions. Honoring the past doesn't mean you have to continue living in the past."

"Which would you prefer being ruthlessly right all the time and be hated? Or learn how to communicate compassionately without sacrificing your truth?"

"Don't expect different results when you're clearly stuck in your ways."

"No matter how much you mean well, if you don't know how to respectfully convey your messages properly, you will not be understood in a way that you'd prefer."

"Don't expect other people to pick up on your body language and subtle hints. Not everyone is as painfully self aware as you."

"Your Past pain is valid but your attitude is not."

"You keep behaving like you can't get passed your trauma from your past then btch out on how cruel life was for you, so you project your hurt towards others, especially towards people who are living the life that you want. Seriously, pick a struggle and push through it. Make it make sense."

"You are not bound to the environment you grew up in, because you have the power to change your destiny. Remember, at the end of the day, only you can save yourself from your circumstance."

"You are more capable than you let yourself believe you are. You just chose to live in your pain when you know you have to put in the effort for you to change your life for the better."

"You are bound by your own self imposed limitations. You are imprisoned in your mind by your own fear."

Channeled Song:

(this concludes the end of your reading)

(this is strictly for entertainment purposes only)

Pile 2:

Cards Pulled:

Queen of Swords, Chariot, Strength

Hi Pile 2, if you chose this pile, whenever part of your journey you read this, here are your little warnings you might need to know, so only take what resonates with you, okay?

- "I'm all up for honesty, just not verbal abuse. So be discerning if the receiver of the message is too soft hearted or easily traumatised."

- "Words are double edged swords. The same words that can heal can also break someone's heart."

- "Discern which battles are worth fighting for. Know when to retreat your words when you know that how you speak may bring more harm than good."

- "Being assertive and a goal getter is nice and all, but remember, your passion may be misinterpreted as abrasive and uncouth. Remember to respect other's personal boundaries."

- "Going after what you want is normal, disregarding someone's feelings and free will isn't."

- "Think before you speak or do."

- "Your way isn't the only way."

- "Impulsive behaviour leaves you susceptible to disaster and unnecessary quarrel. It won't kill you to think before you leap."

- "You don't need to so harsh and dominant to be perceived as strong."

- "Having strength does not warrant you to be mannerless and disrespectful."

- "Hypervigilance doesn't mean you're strong. It means you've been pushed to the corner where you had no one to rely on, especially during the times you need anyone the most."

- "Being able to do everything on your own doesn't mean you don't need help. You can lean on to others unharmed too. Not everyone is out to get you."

- "Just because you used to being in pain and on your own, it doesn't mean that what you've gone through is something you deserve. Don't catastrophize every bad thing that's happened to you as a punishment from the universe. Unfortunately, bad things happen for no reason. You were just unfortunately at the wrong place in the wrong time."

- "You don't deserve to be stuck in your hyperindepence and wear your lack of trust in others like a badge of honor. Your body can only hold so much trauma before it starts completely wrecking your nervous system and have it physically manifest as an illness. Ex. You struggle to lose weight no matter how much you work out because your body doesn't feel safe to exist. That's why you body stores fat as a cushion to help make it feel safe to exist."

- "How far will you keep pushing the people you love away? Are you waiting for their patience to run out so that you can subconsciously prove to yourself that everyone would leave you?? You're so hellbent in your skewed narrative that feeds your self-sabotaging tendencies and lack of self worth that you'd do anything to have your negative self talk to manifest into your reality. Stop feeding yourself the BS that (If they're meant for me, they'll stay. News Flash, no one wants to willing stay with someone who refuse to grow out of their own toxicity. No one can save you but yourself. EVEN YOUR LOVED ONES HAS LIMITS TOO."

- "Be a dear and search up the meaning of the ff. words: GASLIGHTING, STONE WALLING, COVERT NARCISSIST, ACCOUNTABILITY, EMOTIONAL MATURITY, JEALOUSY, SOFT FBOI/GURL, SHADOW WORK, MALADAPTIVE DAYDREAMING (Feel free to see which words hurts the most for you and start working on that)"

- "No one can save you from your own self imposed mental prison of scarcity and unworthiness. People around you can only do so much for you. The power to trap you and free you has always been in your hands."

- "Are you done thinking that everyone is out to get you? Hopefully you'd come to realise that people don't think about you as much as you think they do. Everyone's busy barely surviving their lives to be bothered to meddle with yours."

- "You're not as strong as much as a target you think you are, and that's okay. You don't have to be in everyone's mind and in everyone's DM to feel important. You are worthy and deserving of all regardless if you are in the spotlight or behind the scenes."

- "Two things can be true at the same time. You are the Main Character of your life and also be a background character is someone else's storyline."

- "What's serious for you may not be serious for someone else. So don't expect others to adjust for you when you made zero efforts to properly communicate what you wanted to say."

Channeled Song:

(this concludes the end of your reading)

(this is strictly for entertainment purposes only)

Pile 3:

Cards Pulled:

7 of Swords, Ace of Swords, 6 of Wands

Hi Pile 3, if you chose this pile, whenever part of your journey you read this, here are your little warnings you might need to know, so only take what resonates with you, okay?

- "Just because someone broke your heart it doesn't give you the right to leave a trail of broken hearts in your path. Your pain is valid but your attitude and actions afterwards aren't."

- "Being betrayed in the past doesn't mean you should play and to toy with someone else's feelings. You are becoming the player that you hated the game for."

- "Not all people mean to use and abuse you. Other people are just good natured and mean what they say. Don't confuse someone's genuity because someone else broke your trust before."

- "Discernment is highly encouraged, projecting your pain and jealousy isn't."

- "It's great to chase new ideas, what's not great is to chase the idea of someone new then cheat on your current partner just because things got bored. Don't be a part of the problem."

- "Don't even dare entertain anyone new just because you chose to be lazy and not put in the effort to communicate on how your current relationship can get better. Emotionally opening up to someone is cheating. Having a work husband/wife is still cheating. Putting yourself in any situation that would cause your partner to doubt your loyalty is a breeding ground of disaster of the life you currently know."

- "If you caved in and cheat now, you are bound to cheat again. If you allow yourself to be tempted now, you have proven yourself unworthy to even be in a loving relationship. In short: you have become part of the problem. So don't expect receiving anything you refused to give. You have no right to the privileges of an exclusive and healthy relationship if you fck around and find out. (because you actively chose to play whack a mole and find out what it's like to have std because of your recklessness)."

Channeled Song:

- "How far will you go just to win? Will you cheat on your partner just to have a promotion? Will you pay someone to ruin your competition just to win? Will you start a smear campaign just to go ahead? Will you drop little white lies to make yourself appear as the better option? How illegal and immoral would you allow yourself to become just to get ahead? Is it worth it? Lose your friends and family along the way? Just to win that empty cup?"

- "Will you abandon your morals just to win?"

(this concludes the end of your reading)

(this is strictly for entertainment purposes only)

Pile 4:

Cards Pulled:

6 of Swords, Knight of Cups, 7 of Wands

Hi Pile 4, if you chose this pile, whenever part of your journey you read this, here are your little warnings you might need to know, so only take what resonates with you, okay?

- "Unfortunately, leaving the problem behind without any explanation or letter won't make it go away."

- "Ghosting, just to protect your ego, is never the answer. Face your issues like an adult and accept the consequences of your actions accordingly."

- "No amount of dr*gs, alcohol, smoke or flings can help you tun away from your own willful ignorance. You can't run away from your own feelings. The only way to get away/rid of your problem is by facing it. This is one of the moments in a person's life where DELULU is NOT the SOLULU."

- "Fleeing the country won't keep you from feeling your feelings."

- "Just because you understand how people work and emotionally operate, it doesn't mean that you should use that to your unfair advantage. Stop binge watching those dark psychology videos. And you wonder why people pick a bad vibe from you? What do you expect? You are indeed the problem: the not so covert manipulative problem."

- "Stop using the promise of helping others with their dreams just so you can trick them in making your dreams come true at their expense."

- "You can only spin a web of lies so far."

- "You're not as convincing of a gaslighter as you think you are. People can see through your lies, they just chose not to speak up because, yes, they do it out of pity."

- "Resilience is incredibly admired but bulldozing other people out of your way to get the results is out of the question."

- "Not seeing the results that you want then btching about not having slept enough and feeling like you're about to collapse? You chose to overwork and overburden yourself to the point of burn out, and you're shocked that your health and sanity is fcked up? Dear, make it make sense."

- "Has it ever occurred to you that just because you put in the effort to win someone over, it doesn't mean that they're obligated to choose you? Free will and preferences are a thing, you know? You can be everything and more to that person, and that person is not required nor obligated to choose you. You can the most ideal man/woman and still not be chosen."

- "Don't expect exclusivity from someone who told you from the beginning that they're there to fck around. You can't change someone just because you stayed. You can only keep someone that wants to be kept by you."

Channeled Song:

(this concludes the end of your reading)

(this is strictly for entertainment purposes only)

Feel free to check out my feedback herePaid Readings are AVAILABLE

In all honesty, I feel so bad for releasing this PAC but there's this oddly strong gut feeling that we all need to be humbled and wake up to the toxicity we all chose to lie with at night.

In fact, some things we've gone through, unfortunately are the results of our own lack of accountability.

Sorry if I hurt your feelings, but some painful warnings need to be said.

Notice:

Exchange Readings are OPEN

Feel free to send me some support in the form of tips,

Head to my Buy-Me-A-Coffee here 🍀

[prettyinpwn]

What is your opinion on Filbrick Pines?

Oh boy... long story short, my opinion on him is pretty low, not gonna lie. I went into his character a lot in my analysis post on Ford's writing (found here), since Filbrick had a large effect on Stan and Ford's characters, even if only in subtle ways. To summarize my points on Filbrick:

Definitely abusive, in my opinion. I don't think physically, but for sure emotionally and mentally. He's the type of father who provided materially, but otherwise didn't seem very good at it.

Was way too focused on money. Now, I think it's very possible that Filbrick could have a great backstory reason for this. My biggest guess is a life of poverty and wanting to provide better for his family, but the cruel irony is that in seeking wealth, he hurt his family (e.g "Stanley, by "sabotaging" Ford you hurt our whole family, because he was going to make us millions, so I'm gonna throw you out, ignoring the fact that by throwing you out I'm currently hurting the family in the way I'm accusing you of."). He also hurt Ford. The way Filbrick treated Ford was like a Willy Wonka golden ticket. "Oh, you're smart? This college might make you a millionaire? I'm impressed!". He didn't care about what Ford wanted, he cared about what Ford's brains could get him. Case in point: he didn't seem to give a rat's ass about Ford's brains or college dreams until the principal implied it could make money.

Iirc, according to Hirsch, the quote Stan says in Little Gift Shop of Horrors ("Movies are great! You watch the movie, you scare the girl, the girl snuggles up next to you, next thing you know you gotta raise a kid. Your life falls apart. Forget that last part.") was actually something Filbrick used to say. Like DEAR GOD Filbrick said that in front of Stan and Ford? "Hey kids, my life was great until I got your ma knocked up with Shermie, and then my life was pure suck after that.". Like... who... who just says that in front of their kids? Who even THINKS that about their kids? Yikes.

The way Stan and Ford are named. The code at the end of A Tale of Two Stans is played as a joke, but when you think about it, it's... kinda sad. "A STUBBORN TOUGH NEW JERSEY NATIVE, FILBRICK WASN'T TOO CREATIVE, HAVING TWINS WAS NOT HIS PLAN, SO HE JUST SHRUGGED AND NAMED BOTH STAN.". Filbrick did not give a single f*ck. "Oh, I have twins? Eh, I'm too lazy to think about a name, just call 'em practically the same thing.". What father does this?

In the post I linked above, I also hinted at how I thought Bill's manipulations of Ford almost were a mirror echo of Filbrick (even in their character design, it's odd how they both have yellow brick and blue with hats themed designs, he's got the literal word 'brick' in his name, etc). Because when you think about it, what did Ford's father teach him but "you are a puppet to be used by me to get what I want"?

There's a reason Ford and Stan are incredibly broken people, and it all started with Filbrick. He's the one that taught Stan to believe he's worthless and a f*ckup, and the one that taught Ford that he's a tool to be used. So... nah, not a fan of the guy, if I didn't make that obvious already lol. BUT... I will say this, as this is something I did give him credit for in my Ford analysis post: a lot of Ford and Stan's positive qualities are things he passed down to them, namely their protectiveness of family and "toughness". But unlike Filbrick, who manifested that in toxic ways, Stan and Ford took a heavy albatross necklace of generational trauma and turned it around to a positive.

This goes even further when Stan passes the lesson to Dipper. Dipper learning to "fight back"? That's a family lesson that comes from Filbrick, originally, when he signed Stan and Ford up for boxing. Some have criticized the way Stan taught Dipper that lesson, but you can't argue with the end result:

TL;DR: Filbrick mostly sucks, but... like most well-written characters, he does have some gray area. Was he a good father? No. But the gauntlet meat grinder he put Ford and Stan through - worth it or not - made them the tough family protectors they are as adults. I will give him that, at least.

[bonefall]

How do you feel about "character joins bloodclan" aus? Im curious about ur thoughts since youre really in tune with the themes of the series but personally i just hate them bc its ALWAYS aimed at 'unfortunate' characters and always ALWAYS ignores the fact that bloodclan is a horrible place in-canon and that they're just reflavoring the abuse and trauma the characters qent through to be more emo or goth themed.

Ravenpaw is ALWAYS a prime target for this and its like. Great. You took the character being abused by their mentor figure and is being harmed from the violent culture the clan has generated... and giving them an EMO mentor figure who will inevitably abuse them and harm them as a result of the violent culture the emo clan has generated. Sasha is another one I've noticed- you've put the woman who lost her kit and is struggling to survive with the others while being controlled and abused by someone who sees her as an outsider (aka alone and easy to isolate), and are gonna put her in a faction who specifically separates kin from one another to easily control them and who have canonically tried murdering those who stick with their family. What was gained here.

Like i know bloodclan is revamped in ur au (thank god for it) but in canon bloodclan is HORRIBLE. People ignore that in favor of putting their favs into bloodclan bc bloodclan is cool and killed tigerstar that one time bc of revenge. Ravenpaw becomes Scourge AUS are SO SO SO much worse bc of this too- sure you manage to point out how scourge and raven has roughly similar stories in their youth but you could also do something interesting and make an au where raven and scourge are FOILS and do a firestar/scourge thing, while pointing this comparison out!! Instead you just went "Ravenpaw emo now and is sad about beating up Firestar his friend" and basically kept everything the same.

Sorry im basically venting here but i just dont like how people forget that scourge in canon does NOT look out for the 'little guy', he's a murderer and abuser who wants to keep his subjects afraid and separated so that he alone has power over them. Bloodclan is not the cool strong goth group, its the group where two cats slaughter eachother over a piece of twoleg scraps, only for the survivor to die bc the food was poisonous to cats and no one knew bc theres no cohesive group that can pass that knowledge around. its a fucking horrible place to live. Im not saying that you cant do interesting "character in bloodclan" aus (a Rusty who lives in bloodclan who STILL wants to do good but is shaped by the horrid reality of bloodclan would be fun imo) but its so often used with already traumatized characters as a 'solution' or 'fix-it with some emotional issues involved' that i just foam at the mouth and howl like a rabid animal on principle at this point.

Hmm... I think for me, it doesn't tend to read that way for me when the fandom makes AUs for it. I'm coming at BloodClan from a point of really deep critique and frustration.

BloodClan's not a REAL place, and what that means is, every speck of how horrible it was is a choice the writers made to justify its treatment. It was something they actively decided, because, BloodClan was a tool to suddenly invalidate the previous 5 books of TPB so that the series could comfortably conclude there was no need to upset the status quo.

If you haven't read it before, I recommend this post I made on how Darkest Hour Is A Personal Disappointment, but anyway;

We spend a whole series on how Fireheart challenges a broken society, because he is different. Their xenophobia, how isolationism and glory get people killed, the way that Tigerstar's greatest asset is how respected he is... these are bad things. They're things that Fireheart fights for several books.

But then, in the LAST book, in the 11th inning, they introduce BloodClan. They're just evil. They have no nuance. The narrative bends over backwards to stress that this group of evil foreigners LOVES murder, hates friendship, and doesn't believe in our good god.

Suddenly, the Clan cats have to be EXTRA xenophobic and glorious to kill these filthy, murderous foreign hordes. Clan cat belief in their good god makes them stronger than the bloodthirsty barbarians. Firestar kills Scourge and we can feel happy and triumphant about it, when Tigerstar was killed a few chapters ago and given a tragic sendoff.

So, I encourage you to step back from an emotional response to how Filthy and Murderous this group was portrayed, and look at it as a writing choice.

When Tigerstar, known cat-racist and murderer of mixed-race people, is killed by Scourge in self-defense, he is grieved by Firestar and commended for his "good qualities". (and then they retconned in that it was actually secretly revenge all along, not just self defense, so this killing is extra evil)

When Scourge is killed, Firestar just thinks about how it's cool he's not going to heaven, and how all of the previously ferocious BloodClan warriors look so inferior to the forest Clans.

And so, with all that said,

I'm 100% in favor of how the fandom widely looks at this, says, "fuck that" and just makes them the Cool Goth Group. I'd argue pretty strongly that the least nuanced idea of that is still infinitely better than canon.

There was nothing there. It was literally just Xenophobia-Is-JustifiedClan. They literally hated love and friendship and banned families so that Clan cats would look good in comparison. Banned families. You don't get this level of stupid evil from anything else but an 80s cartoon.

Maybe I just don't see the AUs you tend to see (I curate my Tumblr experience very well and generally hang out in more adult-oriented spaces, I can imagine a place like Amino being mostly kids who tend to be immature. Edgelord Angstpiddle is just a normal part of growing up), but every project I see that gives me a glimpse of BloodClan Ravenpaws and Sashas come with such tweaks already assumed.

Like, these are examples I've seen,

They'll have Raven be involved with the formation of BloodClan

Scourge will actually be a character with some pity and mercy, like how he was in Rise of Scourge when his abusive siblings begged him for food, and he fed them before sending them away.

no ban on love and friendship. Lol. Lmao, even.

More of the social structure will be based around acquiring food for people in a 'harsh' environment, leading to that battle, instead of just Evil Foreign Greed (which canon!scourge only had after being almost killed by tigerstar, because he said "actually, in light of new information that you are a murderer, i need to reconsider our deal.")

BloodClan will be overhauled completely. I've seen this a few ways. Connecting them to SkyClan, or the Oakstar raids on Chelford, or even as a positive entity; a surprise ally. (VERY common with BloodClan Ravenpaw AUs I've seen).

Anyways... (Shrug), I dunno dude, it doesn't bother me that much.

[love-fireflysong]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five of your other fave writers. Spread the self-love! ;)c

(Oh god. Oh god no. Don't make me do this. It's always the same exact fics cause I haven't written anything new recently im sorry 😭😭😭)

Fics with full summary and thoughts below the readmore cause I don't want to make people scroll past all this lol

1. Baby It's Cold Outside (so hold me tight in your arms and don't let go)

It was just supposed to be a weekend retreat in the Washington's lodge to remember the twins. And now Jess is dead, Josh is alive again, Mike is missing a couple of fingers, Ashley's covered in blood, and Chris' brain is just fried to shit from stress and trauma. But with Josh tied up in the shed and the night now half-over, it's time to lick their wounds and wait until Emily arrives with help. AKA, the After (Mid?) Care fic that no one asked for but you're still getting. (Man, I don't know what to say. Baby's first UD fic and even now like 5 years later I still think it's pretty good lol. Hell, every time I give it a reread I feel like I've never written better canon characterization for Chris and Ashley and everything after that is just me getting more and more into headcanon territory. But it's a fun little angsty between scenes fic that was written solely cause I was insulted that Chris never offered Ash his sweater in game. Like it isn't even romantic at that point, she's covered in blood! It's just the right thing to do lmao)

2. Nothing and Nobody But You

Chris is staying the night again. And though Ashley certainly hadn't expected sex to be on the itinerary tonight, she can't say that she's opposed to it either. Even if the only reason it's happening is because she accidentally drew on her forehead with a pen again. (The smut fic! Woo! It's not even sexy 😭 I just wanted to read a semi-realistic first time that dealt with nerves and feelings and how absolutely fucking awkward they would have been the whole entire time and by god I was gonna have to write it apparently. And somehow other people also really liked it too so yay?)

3. Artificial

It's been a little over half a year since Ashley, Chris, and Josh had been admitted to the Mount Massive Asylum for the Clinically Insane due to the fallout of their prank on the others. And since then, it's also been five months since the three of them had been separated from each other with no warning or cause given. But unaware to the staff, the three of them hold their own little secret: that these long months of separation and tests have unlocked their own little abilities. Just because they can't hang out in the same space anymore doesn't mean that they still can't speak to, or even see, one another. Even if they can't speak or see each other in the normal sense. And no matter what Murkoff does to her, Ashley will never EVER tell. (Easily my least popular fic on this list by far but I'm not really surprised by that lol. It's not only an au, but a crossover one with outlast so there's lots of viseral descriptions of abuse and torture and all the other fun goodies that come with it being set in the outlast universe. But, it's my baby and I just love this au so much you have no idea 🥰)

4. The Final Days of Our Youth

People do crazy things when they're tired. Some add salt to their coffee instead of sugar. Others are liable to crash on any surface that is vaguely horizontal and not completely covered in hornets. And some people accidentally kiss the person they've had a secret crush on for years. Wait, what? (Probably the fic that most people know me for at this point if I have to be honest. The fic that started from I dream I had where Chris accidentally kissed Ashley goodbye, and this was the result of me turning that scene over and over in my head as I tried to figure out exactly why on earth he would have done that. And while this is likely not my personal fav on this list, it is the one I'm most proud of, if only for those text messages and the accompanying artwork I commissioned for it. Especially that third chapter. Like I had to write my own CSS and HTML code for those error messages and it was so worth it. Easily my fav chapter of all time if only cause of how much emotion I was able to get across using text messaging and timestamps alone!)

5. Can't Undo the Scars

It's been six months since the events of Blackwood mountain, and Chris and Ashley are no closer to feeling normal. And with the reappearance of school on the horizon, Ashley takes it into her hands to try and get them ready with what should be a relatively simple test: just manage seven days apart. Easy, right? Shame it's not that simple or easy in the end. (And finishing off this list with some more angst! Entire fic was built off of the two scenes that had existed in my head since early 2020 that was just Ashley saying "I think we need to take a break" and then 3am panicked phone calls. Just really wanted to explore how so very fucked up and absolutely dependent on each other they would have been after not only the events of the game, but as the only survivors as well. They went through some shit and they are not dealing well with any of it AT ALL.)

[purpleheartskies]

Happy Father's Day!... but not to Robby's "father", Johnny Lawrence. He doesn't deserve the honor of that title: "father" or "dad".

You know, in s5e9, Johnny told Chozen,

"My whole life was haunted by one stupid kick. I thought if I could go back in time, do things different, dodge it, block it, my life would be fixed. The kick wasn't the problem. I had to stop focusing on what was behind. Start looking at what was in front of me." [points at Carmen]

Johnny made this decision in s3e10, when he left Robby behind with Kreese and did nothing to make things right with Robby. Robby was in Cobra Kai with Johnny's abuser who had strangled him twice, and Johnny made no attempts to convince Robby to leave Cobra Kai. Instead, Johnny just got impotent over Miguel hanging out with Daniel and was making his favorite dinner to coax him back to him. (Johnny trying to convince Robby in s4e4 doesn't count because Robby is the one who came to him for that conversation, and Johnny didn't even care to really listen to what Robby was saying to him.)

In contrast to Johnny, in s5e9, Robby went to Cobra Kai and took a stand against freaking Silver to make things right with Tory and Kenny:

"I came here to apologize. I let you down. Turned my back on you. I didn't understand at the time but I realize I was wrong. I shouldn't have just left. I should have taken you all with me. Everything you're taught here is bullshit. There is pain in this dojo and it's built upon fear, because this man is not your sensei, he is your enemy. But it's not too late. You're not past the point of no return. And I promise, there's still another way."

Wouldn't it have been amazing if Johnny had done this for Robby when Robby was in Cobra Kai? But, no. Johnny didn't do this. He had decided to "stop focusing on what was behind. Start looking at what was in front of [him]." s5 was even worse for Johnny and Robby and was sad, sad proof that Johnny isn't worthy of being a father/dad to anyone. Silver spoke truth: Johnny will screw up another kid.

In s4e4, Johnny dismissed Robby when Robby told him:

"For as long as I can remember, I've been afraid... afraid that I'm gonna end up like you. But that's not gonna be my fear anymore... because I am better than you."

Johnny once told Miguel that he can be better than Johnny, but Johnny freaking turned Robby away when Robby said that he is better than Johnny. In s5e9, Robby proved once again that he is better than Johnny. Hell, even Dom in Fast X, a ridiculous character in a ridiculous, over-the-top movie franchise with bad writing and retcons galore, has the right idea about fatherhood. Dom said about his son: "Pass it down. Each generation, better than the last... That's fatherhood." and "You will be better than me." Johnny never passed down anything to Robby, other than the generational trauma. Johnny never cared or thought to teach Robby anything. Instead, Johnny replaced Robby with a "second chance" and passed down his legacy to that "second chance". Johnny has been choosing that "second chance" over Robby ever since. In s5, Johnny encouraged that "second chance" to use that legacy against Robby (apartment fight). Johnny's also getting ready for his "third chance", all while continuing to neglect and abuse Robby so that Johnny can feel better about his failures with Robby.

One question for s6 is "Will Johnny ever put his "real" son above his own ego for good?"

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - February 2nd

@stardippeddreams , @teasiswriter, mocks anon (new), @thestarsshineevenwhenhidden, 6 anon

@stardippeddreams

Hi! Nice to 'meet' you!

I'm so glad things are better better for you overall! It sounds like you're taking a lot better care of yourself.

Honestly, it sounds like maybe when you're ready, it might be good to find a (good) therapist someday to help with the dissociation. But focusing on taking care of yourself right now is completely valid, and I'm so proud of you for doing so!

_________________________________

@teasiswriter

He didn’t try and talk to me after the show! But I have a feeling that something’s going to happen with that friend group… I feel like I have a sense? Like… after I cut them off a few months later, I got a sense that they’d text me or try and talk to me again… and they did

And I got that sense again a couple months after… and they texted me again

and I got that sense again a couple months later (which is now)… and now I’m just… waiting I guess?

Anywayssssss! I’m pretty sure my name is my deadname. I always cringe and feel sick when I hear it (from friends, parents, teachers, etc.) and so I think I’m gonna try and tell everyone about the other name I have (it’s my other first name. I’m not sure if I really like it but it’s better than using my deadname) and… yeah! Wish me luck!

Also I have you have such a lovely day! Goodbyeeeeee

Hi!

I really hope your feeling is wrong, but if it is, I'm here to talk! And as far as names, I wish you all the luck! I'm so glad you feel comfortable asking people to use your other first name, and I hope it goes well! <3

_________________

Mocks Anon

hiiiiiiiiii

I'm tired

and I kinda wanna cry but I'm not sure why

and I have like mocks in less than a month and I'm scared I'm gonna fuck them up, especially maths and physics

and I have so many things I need to do, and others that I want to do, and I don't have the energy or the effort to do anything but my parents wouldn't get it so I have to do stuff like chores and studying but they don't get done well because I genuinely can't

so then I feel even worse and I can't even do things I enjoy to relax since I don't have the energy for that either

and I generally feel like shit and there's so much going on and it won't stop for one goddamn second and I don't know how to deal with it

I want to get tested for mental illness too, but if my parents found out they'd kill me (I'm not kidding, that's a genuine concern.)

so I just have to wait another 3 years before finding out just how fucked up I am and everything's just gonna be getting worse in that time so i don't fucking know

Hi <3

I am so sorry, it sounds like like is super overwhelming right now, and I can understand why. And it also sounds like you're really struggling. I'm so sorry that your parents aren't supportive, that's not fair at all. Do you think you could possibly talk to a guidance counselor at school? That way your parents won't hear about any sort of diagnosis, but maybe they can still work on some strategies with you?

I'm sending you so much love <3

_________________

@thestarsshineevenwhenhidden

You know the worst part?

I'm not even a victim of mental illness.

I haven't gone through enough, had enough trauma to count as one.

just goes to show how weak and dumb I gotta be to get fucked by normal life when so many other people have abusive parents, school stress, other shit and they don't get depressed.

Hi <3

Please don't compare yourself to others. Your feelings are so real and your depression is so real. You don't need to feel guilty about it. Everyone deals with life differently and there aren't 'requirements' or something to show you've gone through enough to deserve depression. Please be nicer to yourself <3

_____________________

6 anon

Hey Cas!! It's 6 anon, so here's an update. When I pass out, I might actually be seizing, so I have a referral to a neurologist, cardiologist, and a GI. I'm going back to school tomorrow, so that means I have to explain all of this to teachers, but I get to see my girlfriend!!! I also changed my name again, and I told my friends, and they started correcting my youth leader when he deadnames me, and that made me really happy. I also got put on 2 more meds, so now im on 8 meds. My dad keeps trying to tell me i have to make up the time with him, but he told me I am old enough to choose if I want to go back and I have an hour long recording of him telling me I'm not allowed to talk to him once I turn 18. MIFA REGIONALS ARE THIS SATURDAY!! And I got the ring master which is also the lead role!!! I have to arrive at the school at 4:30am which sucks but it's ok because I have my friends and my spouses (platonic) so im excited, and when we had our first performance for corrections I got 2 awards and my freshie made me cry because she crocheted me a rose with a note in it. Anyways, love and hugs from 6 anon (only if you're comfortable with it)!

Hi! Im glad that you're going to some more doctors- hopefully they can help figure out how to help you! And I'm so glad to hear about how amazing your friends and girlfriend are.

Honestly, your dad confuses me. I just....yeah.

Ahhh I hope regionals went well! Let me know!!!

And love and hugs to you too <3

[verysium]

“the abused become the abuser” is the perfect description of Kaiser and i have to agree on your opinions on his backstory and when you said that in one of your posts. The amount of trauma he had survived, his mother leaving him alone with that shit excuse of a father that he lived and all of a beating from his father is heart shattering. Constant fear and pain in only things he knew while growing up, “if i fall, im gonna die” is practically his motto. Constantly stuck in a loop he is not even aware that he is apart of. He is not a bad person but he bites and wrestles yet he doesn’t know AND down enjoy it. He is not a violent man naturally and he doesn’t know why he bites.

(did i absolutely repeat that famous quote of a “isle of dogs” film, of course i did because it’s a perfect match for this)

🚬 *sighs in three octaves of melodrama* i'm not strong enough for this right now. gonna need to smoke ten full packs later just to forget about the eerie amount of similarities i have with said fictional character. i guess we're digging more up than flowers at this point in spring. we're digging up the skeletons too. of all the gut-wrenching character tropes to exist, kaiser just had to embody the worst ones. he becomes the very thing that he hates. he destroys everything he touches. he tries to escape his fate but ends up fulfilling it in the process.

i think the most horrible part of it all is the cyclical nature of his pain. everything in his family is passed down onto him. he acts just like his father, and he looks just like his mother. the one place where his parents are finally united in love is in the features of his own face. but even then, he's never satisfied with how he looks, constantly changing his appearance until he no longer recognizes himself in the mirror.

tbh this was a pandora's box because ever since his backstory dropped, everything kaiser has done in the past now has different meaning. he literally told ness a few chapters ago that the only time he ever felt genuine happiness was when he was destroying other people's lives. back then, it might've been interpreted as some sadistic tendency to crush other people's dreams in order to bring up his own. but now, it's more or less a reflection of his past. he was told that he ruined everything (his parent's marriage, his father's life, whatever potential happiness he could've had), so i guess he sort of internalized this cruelty.

i think kaiser is the type of person to hunger for fame not out of greed but out of desperate belief. he think that if he works hard enough, proves himself strong enough, climbs high enough, he can reach a point where no one will ever be able to touch him. and that also means no one will ever be able to hurt him.

[thataddylady]

Analysis: Phillip Crane 'To Sir Phillip with Love' Pt. 1

So I was asked to do a fleshed out analysis of Phillip Crane as a character and what on earth is so appealing about his romance with Eloise for those of us who loved not only her character but her book as well. It was meant to be one post but honestly it turned into a novella so I'm gonna do this in sections. His book with Eloise was my favorite in the Bridgerton series. Phillip Crane is a very complex character. He isn't charming or dashing, he isn't setting off fireworks anywhere. The ones who aren't a fan think he is a toxic rapist at worst or a boring nerd at best. I am not here to argue against that case. I'm just gonna make mine.

Regarding Sir Phillip

Before I can get into why I loved him with Eloise, I thought I'd do a breakdown of Phillip and his back story as presented in the books. So much of his character and mannerisms are informed by his history so to miss it is to misunderstand him IMHO.

Phillip Crane as a character, is a deeply emotionally scared man. He has so much compounded trauma it's not funny, starting from his father's abuse from childhood onwards, his brother's death, his marriage to Marina and ultimately her death which was both tragic and traumatic. Now I know many of you who are familiar will go "She was depressed for ten years and ultimately committed suicide, how is this HIS tragedy?" This is a fair point to bring up. #man pain. I will get to that, I promise.

The book however only has Phillip's POV and when it opens he is six months out from her funeral so not much time has passed. A snapshot of Phillip's life as presented in the book is he and his brother suffered from horrific abuse at the hands of their father. He has visible scars on his back as an adult from the beatings he endured as a child. His escape was two things, his brother George and attending school. He's a plant nerd, and he comes into his own through academic scholarship. His brother, who was a real paragon by all accounts dies at Waterloo, and Phillip is yanked out of school by his father for more abuse to whip him into shape as his heir. Part of this is forcing Phillip to marry Marina. They are both still mourning his brother. His father as some point drops dead of a heart attack right in front of Phillip mid abusive diatribe and Phillip inherits the baronet.

From Phillip's recollections he and Marina were had a decent marriage until her depression becomes extremely bad after the birth of the twins. There is an unfortunate scene (not the first in the Bridgerton series) where Phillip visits Marina at night after receiving permission from her. The sex is horrible because she is not in a good place and he doesn't clock it until it is too late. Going off of their previous times having sex he assumes he is doing something wrong which is why she is not responding. He doesn't realize that she is in fact legitimately not in the mood and her consent in her current mindset is not reliable.

Is it well written? We can debate it. But what it is meant to convey is a tricky situation where sexual consent used to mean something and now it does not. This experience ends up being scaring for both of them because even though he received consent which used to be reliable, this time it was not and he feels like he raped his wife. Marina is upset because the whole experience was probably demeaning for her and she isn't in a place where she can understand or communicate her wants or needs. There are those who argue that Phillip is a rapist but to me seeking consent and receiving it moves this more into really bad or traumatic sex. The consent is never rescinded.

At worst he should have noticed sooner, but at best he's better than Daphne.

Either way this event sets the tone for the next decade of Phillip and Marina's marriage. He swears off sex with her because he realizes that she isn't in a place to consent to it, and instead spends the years raising their two children and trying to help her out of her depression. With what is available to him he does his best but a modern audience knows that this is a losing battle for both of them once Marina's depression becomes what we would classify as clinical. In the end after a decade long struggle on both their parts, Marina tries to drown herself. Phillip stops her and she succumbs to 'lung fever' or some related illness shortly after.

About Marina

Marina Crane is a tragic character; she loses George (Phillip's older brother) the love of her life and is forced to marry his brother with little ceremony or time to grieve. She is written as already having issues with depression before the death of her fiancé, and develops what seems to be postpartum depression after the birth of her two children with Phillip which is left untreated (cause it's 1800') and it devolves over her marriage with Phillip. Because this is set in the 1800's there is no real help for the level of depression Marina suffers from for a decade. She is unable to connect with her children or live well, her husband is unable to help her and in the end she dies from the effects of a su**ide attempt locked inside her own personal hell. It is rough going.

Now while it is true that Marina is a tragic figure, I feel that it is too easily ignored that Phillip is as well. He is someone who has compounded trauma, who also had no escape from his situation and is doing his best to help someone who cannot be helped without any proper tools or assistance at all. He's not Mr. Rochester in Jane Eyre who's annoyed about his mentally ill wife and locks her in the attic and denies her existence. He actively tries to help Marina any way he knows how. He seeks advice from neighbors or health professionals, tries every approach and nothing is effective.

Just as Marina was trapped in a marriage with a man she didn't love with an illness she couldn't win against, Phillip was also trapped in a marriage with someone who couldn't communicate, who was a ghost of themselves and everything he does is ineffective.

In this day and age with the medicine and knowledge we have the awareness around mental illness is still sorely lacking, but it is a better understanding than the 19th Century.

All of this is to say both can be and are true. They are both victims of a series of tragic and unfortunate events and circumstances.

There is a reason there are support groups not only for those with depression but the caretakers of those with clinical depression and those who have lost loved ones to it. It is deeply traumatic to feel that you are the reason someone cannot get out of bed in the morning, that if you just tried harder they would be able to pull themselves out of it. If you have been in close to someone who is depressed clinically or otherwise, you know it takes a toll watching it. The longer you are witness to it the harder it is to stay 'logical' about the truth of what is happening. That it isn't personal, the individual isn't "not trying" because of self pity or laziness, they simply cannot control their thoughts or emotions.

If you are a person who encounters it upon occasion it is a bummer but you can shake it off. If you are living with someone suffering from it, it is mental and emotional torture, especially when you feel responsible and ARE responsible for the person's health and wellbeing. The feelings it engenders are dark and complicated. It leaves you twisting between bitterness that they won't try harder, shame that you didn't try harder or be better to help them and are blaming them for your incompetency and grief over the fact that they are slipping away and you cannot help. There is also a 50/50 shot between anger and numb resignation about the entire situation.

These are Phillip's actual feelings when it comes to Marina. Phillip does not see himself as a victim of her depression. He's not just 'pissed that he couldn't get laid by his sad wife'. He's someone who is trying to cope with the result of being handed a series of increasingly bad cards with no room or space or help to manage it all.

He has been second choice his whole life and by all appearances (to his mind) has failed to be the person he was meant to be. Namely, his brother George. George dies because he's serving his country while his baby brother gets to go to learn about plants. His father is abusive and dies because Phillip wasn't good enough to match George. Marina took her life because Phillip wasn't George.

He cannot separate his marriage from his grief over his brother that he never got to process, his feelings about watching his parent drop dead and the life he's been enduring since birth. It has been blow after blow by the time we meet him in the first chapter and it is probably the first time in over a decade that he has time to begin to process his life.

Only he can't because he has two children who are used to having their father around and don't understand why he locks himself away in his green house all day and cannot play with them.

Ok I think that's enough about Phillip, Part 2 will tackle him and Eloise in the book.

Feel free to leave your thoughts but I am not gonna tolerate attacks. If you have beef keep scrolling please.

@whatsaweekend here's the first part of what you inflicted on yourself LOL.

[ianthoni]

Idg why we're angry with anthony when we have no idea what happened. If he and Ian aren't getting along, it makes way more sense for anthony to leave than ian, given that ian has way more history with the cast. I don't think it's helpful to assume that Ian is a victim and Anthony an abuser.

Also, with regards to relationships, it is not anthony's job to take care of light's child. That is on her. Acting like he's abusing a child and passing on his own traumas because he *might* be in an enm is gross af jfc

First of it's not *might* they literally liked a comment saying they're in ENM. Let's start with that.

No one said it's his job to take care of the kid. I literally said he should be careful with the relationship. Since you don't get it I'll explain openly. He's messy with relationships and if he gets messy in this one there's a kid involved. If he got messy and put the married couples relationship into a mess sorry to break it to you but their kid is gonna be affected by that too. Let's not act like Anthony is so mature in relationships. And no one said anything about ENM why are you trying to make this into something else? I literally said adults in the relationship can take care of themselves idc (as in all of them, lights beau and Anthony) but if Anthony got messy and broke that relationship the kid is gonna grow up with separated parents too just like him. And surprise surprise a kid that age would definitely remember how shit went down. Is it clear enough? And mind you I literally said he wouldn't do that because he knows how traumatic that is. Learn to read.

And no one said Anthony is an abuser or Ian is a victim idk where that came from either. 🤷🏻 Anthony fans really love to make Anthony a victim in every chance they get. He's not a victim bc he's in ENM no one judges him for that. He's also not a victim bc i made two posts with five likes bffr lmao.

Don't troll me I'll just block and move on idc about your opinion lmao. Grow up. Look at your life instead of defending a grown ass man that literally don't give a shit about you and living his best life lmao. Self respect is so important 🫶🏼

Also i am not angry at Anthony lmao atp i really don't care i already said it. I'm just sharing what people think and agree with some 🤷🏻 free speech baby.

[maddiemare]

saw you posted about underlust one time. i am going to assume you are just as much a fan of underlust as me and that we are going to be friends

as such:

what are some of your favorite underlust fanfics?

what is your favorite underlust character besides sans and papyrus?

would you want a razzy or a sugar plum bitty more?

ooooooo! ok this is gonna be a bit long but here we go!

i may or may not have a fewww fics up my sleeve that i reread from time to time, lets see here....:

Two Gods and a Gossip: a romantic/platonic fic about reaper, error, and lust being gossip besties. a cute/bittersweet read.

Of a Better World: one of the best horrorlust fics i've ever read, so sad it hasn't been updated in years.

The Body Snatchers: a cute fic about fresh and lust. love their dynamics and personalities in this one. fresh is a dick in this and i live for it.

Burlesque (Censored): pretty sure this is how i discovered that polyamory was a thing. a funny/angsty fic with lust, red, and dance. all three of these skeletons can hold SO much mental health issues and trauma. unfinished, unfortunately.

The Consequences of A Single Moment: another great horrorlust story - actually a major inspiration for the horrorlust fic i'm currently working on in fact! warning for sad angst though.

Complimentary: just a really cute shipfic between lust and outer. people really be making great relationship chemistry between the same person, lol.

I Won't Let You Fall: a take of underlust within underfell. trigger warnings for sensitive content, really showcases the horror of underlust within an unforgiving setting like underfell. EXTREMELY underrated, please go read and give it kudos!

for characters other than the obvious, i guess lust grillby - i mean, who can not like grillby? peak character design right there no matter the au. i barely remember the original underlust story, but his and sans' outfits were the only ones i could tolerate, not a fan of the designs for the other characters frankly - papyrus' is usually the MOST egregious, even in redesigns.

i find toriel and asgore to have a very interesting role in this au though, now grieving for the loss of a stillborn rather than a child they were able to love and raise until his canon passing and being the catalyst for the LUST experiments and all. while i can see what the original creator was trying to do, not a fan of how they portrayed the two in the end. the mental image of asgore dressed in bdsm gear will forever plague my memory. they tried to have their cake and eat it too, if you know what i mean.

that's kinda why i'm interested in writing my own take on underlust - one that takes place after a neutral run, much like horrortale does. that's got a lot of angst potential i'm DYING to write if it wasn't for my real-life responsibilities. lame, why do i need a social life anyway?

as for a bitty, im not really into that stuff, feels kinda weird to have a sentient small person as a pet. reminds me a bit of fluffy ponies. (whatever you do, don't look up fluffy pony abuse comics, worst mistake of my life)

im guessing a razzy is referring to a swapfell sans? not sure what a sugar plum is... though i'm guessing is a lust variant or something so i'd go with that.

thanks for the ask, hope i covered everything anon! feel free to ask again at any time, yappers are always welcome!

[destinidestati]

This turned into a ~trauma dump~. If it is a trigger, it is included in this vent.

"How are you doing?"

Plsssssss no.

I just... am a bundle of emotions and like. I don't think I like women as much as I thought I did. Which makes things difficult.

And I just get creeped out when people like... focus on genitals. Please do not ask me if I like your cock. That makes me feel weird. Please don't be weird about me having a vag.

I don't have it in me to unravel someone's internalised (trans)misogyny. I also don't have it in me to be misgendered so that you can be a transbian. Like I relate to women and men both. I just kinda handwave gender. I'm not a lady. I'm not a gentlemen.

Gender is a playground and I don't have it in me to handhold anymore. Being a lady sucks, and there's only one acceptable way to be a woman* and that is to be a petite, skinny, white, blonde haired, blue eyed woman who is "naturally" pretty (light makeup) and femme (but not too femme).

*obviously i do not agree.

I was never good enough to be accepted into the sisterhood. All I got for anyone is you are the gender you are, even if it changes. All other expressions are yours to choose. Passing* should be the least of your self discovery woes. Being happy with yourself is the goal, in my opinion**.

*i know being visibly trans is very dangerous. i know that.

**misgendering is inevitable. Sometimes it's a tired slip of the tongue. do you know how many patients that i have accidentally ma'am'ed or sir'ed incorrectly? or being on autopilot if you're addressing a group? what's the point of anything if you're going to be miserable doing it?

Misgendering malaciously looks different than misgendering because someone's wires crossed. You know it. I know it. Breathe, it happens. Give people grace.

Like also, I need to have something in common with someone before I become talkative. I'm very bad with baby queers (people who are young and/or new to being queer). I've been out for half my life, and been openly trans for a decade.

My experiences as a faggot are different than yours. I grew up in podunk, tx in the bush/obama era. Being called a lesbian was a THREAT. Being called gay was a THREAT. I was never called queer, and I cannot help you if you dislike me calling myself queer. I will be more careful with the word faggot but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i identify as a fag first and foremost.

There was no federal gay marriage until i was in college.

I was abused when it was suspected i was gay, and when i came out to my family i was disowned (until they realised they needed me more than i needed them). I was legit held down and yelled at to stop crying. I was crying becauss i just had my fucking heart broken and tbh that can be considered a suicide attempt because i legit thought i was about to be beaten or choked to death.

So like yeah things are dodgy right now. But I do not have it in me to be alarmed because I managed to survive the first time when i was a stupid kid.

(Clarification note: I was out at school but not at home, and everyone knew my mother was crazy as fuck so no one outted me.)

I don't have it in me to act shocked and vandalised whenever something queerphobic happens. I get angry and upset but????? Any of us who had a modicum of critical thinking skills and a dash of pattern recognition knew this was all gonna happen. Especially when the baby queers refuse to listen to us old (whether age or experience) fuckers on our lived experience.

I don't have it in me to handhold people through that anymore ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ or i suppose... i cannot become romantically involved with that. I am not the right person to be alongside you in that capacity. The mama/mentor hat comes out.

Other limits I have on that same note

No more long distance

No more veterans

No one more than 10yrs older than me

No more joining established polycules

No one under 29

No more "and they were both bottoms" situations

No one who actively dislikes children or teens. I want to raise a child one day. I love the nieces and nephews I dont have yet.

All this wrapping back: I had a patient pet my bare skin and essentially tell me i'll be great at being a man's property one day. And I fucking HATE that the only people actually attracted to me/my body are creepy ass old men.

I hate that the idea of an equal life partner is this fucking unobtainable thing! Bro as much as I want to get fucked nasty, i want my boundaries respected. As much as i like kinky things, I mostly want to be loved on and snuggled and cuddled and have my stupid fucking hair brushed.

But that is something to work up to and something I need someone who has already matured to be with me on. Because i am a fucking disaster. I have so much trauma to unravel. I will take care of someone in an identity crisis and let mine bubble up.

I am very pansexual. That doesn't make me a fucking hero god one of my girlfriends was so weird about it. After 3 months she wanted me to give her opinions on how i want her to transition and NO. Just like. Because I will date trans people it does not mean. That we are compatible.

I understand it is super slim pickings out here but like??? Enjoying rpg videogames is a must. Liking horror is a must. Media literacy is a must. Like I am willing to try plenty of new things to bond over but we need something in common to build a friendship, too.

And then we have to contend with the fact that someone is accidently love me genuinely one day and I am going to be a crying mess the whole time. The bar is underground.

Shit, when I was with my sibling after their surgery, they just began scratching my back like our mother did before she decided she hated me. And I flinched away out of surprise and fear. Like people being more affectionate than a hug or handhold really just... surprises me?

One of my hookups grabbed my hand and laced our fingers when we were making out and i got so overwhelmed and panicky we had to take a small recess.

I want softness so bad!!! But it happens so rarely that like!!! It fucks me up!!!!! Real bad!!!!! And just like I just take control of most hookup situations because like? Nothing will happen otherwise. And it suuuuuuuuuucks that I'm just a service domme.

I want to be allowed to do chores and parallel play while we are spending time together. I don't fuck with military propoganda bullshit. I'm just. Screaming all the time.

And I make a lot of excuses in these vents because i dont want to step on toes but goddammit. Sometimes people aren't compatible.

I want someone who puts in comprable effort. I want someone who will be patient while we try and resocialise my lonely/isolated ass. I just want to be able to go "okay, i fucked up a little bit but it is okay". I don't want anyone to get defensive when I cant behavioural therapy my way out of fears and insecurities. I have very deep psychological and sometimes physical injuries.

Legitimately. There is. So fucking much. That went so fucking wrong. Between neglect and abuse and my mother essentially engineering punishment that was prime potential to give me the gnarliest comorbid depression and attachment issues.

I need someone to love me like the frailest glass dollie that they ever handled because I AM.

God I am the most fragile fucking thing right now.

[moistvonlipwig]

3, 12, 18, and 19 for teen wolf (no worries if you want to pass on any of them)?

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you’ve seen on tumblr

oh see now this question is impossible because teen wolf fandom is capable of producing bad takes that other fandoms can only dream of. "scott helping align a dog's broken leg in his capacity as an assistant vet tech is animal abuse." "stalia is problematic because malia is 45 in coyote years." "scott violated/raped derek" (re: a scene in which scott is forced under duress to make derek bite gerard, which derek only objected to because he did not know about scott's secret plan). "stiles is the only one who ever respected derek." "scott has been narrating the entire show to make himself look better." "deaton is shady and evil." "scott abused jackson" (a real thing someone sent to my inbox). even jeff davis got in on it with "kira's story didn't have anything left to explore." however despite stiff competition i do think we have to give this award to "scott is a werewolf colonizer" because there is something so special about accusing a mexican boy of colonizing the culture of white people who are living in california. and also because it is so so funny to say.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

hm. i don't know if i like any characters who are unpopular within the fandom circles i travel in. like certainly scott is unpopular with the fandom at large, we know this, but i don't travel in those circles so. idk. i guess i think victoria argent is interesting? imo after allison she's the most compelling argent. i think killing yourself rather than becoming a werewolf shows a kind of commitment to one's ideology that automatically makes a character interesting. i don't know what the popular opinion on victoria argent is but that's my take.

18. it’s absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on…

see again i could point to fandom at large for this but frankly fandom at large sleeps on anything that isn't sterek or steter so i could say anything and it would be true. so my actual answer is that i think more people should ship theo/mason. i get why sceo is popular but i don't know why thiam is so big when...thason? meo? (personally i am voting for meo as a ship name because it looks like meow. however i am willing to be overruled.)...is right there. one of my actual most unpopular opinions is idgaf about morey because i couldn't care less about corey. i don't even know that boy's last name. he's nothing to me. but theo/mason??? both of them experimented on by the dread doctors, one of them 'evil' and the other 'good' (too 'good' to be traumatized, if you ask jeff davis, which is why you should never ask jeff davis), one of them so compassionate and caring, the other callous and lacking empathy, on opposite sides of the fight, yet both bound by the same trauma, and both deep inside wanting to help? look i'm not a big m/m shipper so i'm not gonna write the fic but SOMEONE should write the fic. is what i'm saying.

19. you’re mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like…

disclaimer i am not ashamed of liking anything because, to paraphrase the great cordelia chase, shame is not something to be proud of. however i am a little mad that stiles and derek genuinely have such a fun relationship. i do actually wish they had more scenes together and i would happily watch an entire episode that was just the two of them on a buddy cop roadtrip and if people wrote more platonic fic of them with their canon personalities being forced into Situations together then i Would read it. i don't ship them because it's not my cup of tea shipping-wise and i think fanon sterek is nothing like canon sterek and is deeply uninteresting but in the year 2024 i must confess that canon stiles & derek did make some points.

[time222pretend]

ok i've been hype as hell for opening day but i wasn't smart enough to draft an intro so apologies bc i'm writing this as fast as i can to get it out on the dash. anyways this is yang hyein aka the yang canon and under the cut is a tl;dr (that's actually long as hell) about hyein (tho tw abuse) and please give this a like if you're interested in plotting!

ok so important part first: libra sun, aqua moon, pisces rising

now the rest: only child of yang sihyuk the current patriarch of the yang family and bc she's a girl she's the last of the yang line so like imagine growing up with that pressure

and tbh her dad like lowkey (highkey) resents her for being born a girl and like tbh bro didn't want to marry her mother anyways so like really was just another strike against her as far as her dad was concerned

and like bro also was very much in competition with park i's father so like the yang vs park competition was INCREDIBLY real in his mind so like again having a daughter by a lady he didn't even fucking want like it was like he lost in a way so like def punished hyein even tho like bro it was your sperm that determined the biological sex but anyways

so like idk growing up her dad def used the bible to enforce his will but also justify his actions and like explain away his like shitty behavior (ie cheating on his wife like abusing his family emotionally and physically bc he's frustrated with his own life)

and like tbh hyein tried very hard to be a very good girl and like present that way bc like if she did she kind of sort of gained her dad's approval but like also she was raised in a way where like ok your dad treats you like shit but also constantly reminds you that you're better than the rest so you need to act like you're better than the rest and be the girl they think you are

and tbh it was a lot easier to be that way as a kid bc she had a mother who like tbh had nothing better to do so she just fully invested into her daughter and was super overbearing

but her mom passes away when she's 12 and like idk the whole illusion kinda like starts to break apart from there bc part of it is like going from always being monitored and like having too much attention to just having none and her dad not giving a shit about her so long as she's out of sight out of mind paired with starting puberty and feeling rebellious and stuff

but like her dad is not about to be actively publicly embarrassed by a daughter he didn't want so like kinda does the whole double life thing where as like you know publicly she's still a good church girl sits in the front pew whatever and like idk outside of church though she starts hanging out with kids she shouldn't (s/o jeongbin, park ii, bae, and moon) and smoking and drinking and whatever and like a dumb part of her kinda thought like ok this is how life is gonna be and in a fucked up way she can be like her dad and present one day and have her private life be that

only like shit kinda never works out that way bc we all know what happens to jeongbin and tbh she never talks about that but like safe to say she was actually in love with jeongbin though their relationship genuinely was kind of fucked up and one of those things where like when you're raised by a bad man you seek out shitty men but she did love him

and idk after her went "missing" i think tbh part of her went missing with him like she got a lot colder and tbh she hardly ever talks about him ever again and like lmao gets engaged to his cousin and keeps it like business is moving but like idt she ever like processed the trauma she just moved on the way she did and the way she knows how to do things is pretend everything is fine and good

only she kinda girlbosses to close to the sun bc like a couple events happen simultaneously, she and park i get engaged, and like her dad has a stroke (which tbh probs from the stress of her getting engaged to the son of his rival but WHATEVER), and she starts having these honestly terrifying dreams of jeongbin being PISSED at her and they feel so real the shit is starting to scare the fuck out of her

and it all culminates bc one day like a little before the wedding she finds this dead fox on her doorstep and it's been mutilated and like tbh i think it was the straw that broke the camel's back for her and pushed her over the edge and she literally was just like "fuck it" stole some money from her dad and just skipped town

and then the subsequent 8 years as far as hyein is concerned are redacted like no one needs to know what she was up to, or what she did or why like if you ask her what went on while she was gone she's just like "huh? what are you talking about" like let me gaslight u into thinking nothing happened even tho like girl you came back even colder than you were before and like you seem more concerned with your position in life clearly something happened

and the something that happened is like a girl who got catered to her whole life had to meet the real world and it was a fucking rude awakening

but anyways she FINALLY comes back to goero in january of 2023 even though she'd been back in korea for a few months and tbh she came back bc like jeongbin's official funeral but also like tbh idk if you've been treated like shit for 8 years suddenly all the shit you went through growing up doesn't seem so bad and like it feels nice to be home

even tho home is like worse in some ways bc her dad has had a few more strokes since she's been gone and her stepmom (we don't have time to get into that girl) and aunt have been "running" the family business and by that like bro running that shit into the ground so like hyein is happy to be home but also like coming in on a fucking mess and at the end of the day it's HER inheritance they're fucking up so like she literally has just stayed in town and like took her dad's spot on the elder council and been fighting with members of her own family to like get control of shit so she can fix it

and tbh incidentally like her taking over for her family's timber business actually ends up helping a bunch of people working at the mill which cool for them she was just fixing the business bc she's been a broke loser for 8 years and she's fucking done with it adn the company was super mismanged but i guess it's nice some people benefit

but tbh like even though she's benefitting people and tbh fr stepping more into her power and the role she has people like def resent her bc girl you've been gone all this time and now you're just gonna run shit like nothing happened? and hyein who in goero was never told no is just like "yeah i am" and not apologize for it

bc if she were a man it'd be fine but she's a woman so like anyways yeah probs has a reputation for being a bitch and like judging by her actions in the past like they're def not wrong like lmao she def takes what she thinks belongs to her no questions asked but like tbh she actually means well and like what not so yeah

i could've added more but this is long as hell so hmu for plotting and i apologize for talking too much i'm just excited

[spirits-and-sluts]

Huge same lmao

I remember as a kid some characters were becoming my favourites PRECISELY because they were badly hurt or traumatised and watching it I was like "oh damn, I feel so bad for them, it makes me feel an EMOTION."

Some people assume it's a form of sadism, but imo it's like the exact opposite. You want them to be hurt because it makes you feel compassion for them and the emotion of it is so strong it's addicting. Like no other thing makes you root for a character as strongly as living through their traumatic experience with them

(while at the same time just being told about some sad backstory doesn't always work and sometimes accomplishes the exact opposite because it feels like an author is cheating by attempting to make you, as a viewer, feel sympathy without actually making you live with them through some shit. Also the opposite is true, and characters that are nothing but a punching bag of the narrative are getting exhausting to tolerate pretty damn fast)

I see you've seen my tags 😅 yeah I had a whole phase in middle school, when H*rry P*tter was popular, being obsessed with Sirius Black and all the depression and abuse and suffering in his story, like THAT was my first fandom experience.

I don't have anything against the sadism, but I think a lot of it is just more, like, masochism. It's a way of processing your own unspoken trauma, I was getting bullied at school, in a controlling environment at home, and my autism was still undiagnosed, ya boy wasn't doing well at those young ages and it's so cathartic to know that you're not alone.

It is absolutely addicting though, the high stakes, the big emotions, the way that fear passes through you when it's not real. I think I had a little bit of a fandom theory the other day, because we've all seen the posts about how a mediocre, or even shitty piece of media will drive a fandom nuts because it gives you something to latch onto long term in a way that something that's truly really well done won't. Eventually you run out of things you talk about, right? Well I think the exception is something that's well done- but fucked up. Hannibal still trends weekly around here, and it was executed wonderfully, it's a very well done story... And it's fucked up. It's spicy, it's different, it gives it that staying power

I'm rambling, but I totally agree on that show/tell thing, i think it's just... Maybe it's the predictability too, a punching bag is just gonna keep being a punching bag. And a sad backstory for a character you don't like is only going to be annoying because you weren't going to like them in the first place!