#''you don't want to heal from depression bc you don't know who you are without it'' yeah no shit. if there's no depression there's no me

[daz4i]

ik it's not good to latch onto a mental illness as your defining trait but also. babe i don't have much else going on or any other sense of identity beyond it

[ifishouldvanish]

(sorry, one more bc it's been on my mind for a long time)

I worry though, about... the dynamic. Can someone really find and bond with another through their grief and loneliness, without this grim depression they share becoming *worse?*

For me, personally, whenever I think about them... I think there's going to be a level of catharsis. They have something that would be very hard to find in another living being, and a certain love for humanity and the past that would be difficult to find among vampires, and this shapes them into shattered pieces which fit together. But would they still be able to find happiness? It kind of feels like they're two damaged clocks that have coincidentally been stuck on the same minute and hour hand. Would they be able to heal and move time forward?

Okay so like!!!!

I see it less about bonding over the shared grief itself and more about what their responses to that grief have exposed in each of them. Like, in the beginning and on the surface level, yes. It is the grief and loss and loneliness that brings them together. But they are foils!!! I'm telling you!!! They can learn from each other!!!

I've mentioned probably all of this before in scattered pieces across all my posts at some point but!! I think the lowest common denominator, the core of their dynamic, lies in how they seem to have established their senses of self.

Alucard struggles with how not to define himself by his father, and then having to define himself in opposition to his father. "Slave to our families' wishes" etc. And when that chapter of his life closes he's like, "welp, guess I'll just entomb myself here 🤷" until Trevor and Sypha are like "what?? Dude no??" And he's like "oh haha I guess you're right, I can uphold the legacy of the best parts of both of my parents!!" And they're like "ya!!" But then a month goes by without anyone coming round to say "hey!!! Share that knowledge with me!! Fulfill the role you've given yourself" and he is just... so fucking bored and unfulfilled?

He needed they-who-shall-not-be-named to come along so he could fill that role, needed Greta to come along so he could fill that role. He tells Greta about how rescuing others sort of fills a void for him/gives him purpose, which is honorable, yes. But like... It's also so sad imo?? This comfort in denying his sense of self? "I don't know what to do with myself, just gimme a shout if the world ever needs saving again"?? Like Alucard, honey, babygirl, sweetheart... you need to learn to live for yourself 🥺

Olrox on the other hand is... not selfish exactly, but he knows what he's about and he refuses compromise himself. You killed the only man I ever loved? Okay, then I'm killing you, and no, I don't care if your nine year old son witnesses it. You want the juicy story of why that boy is terrified of the big bad vampire? Okay, but you will learn about my humanity first so you can sit with your cognitive dissonance about it later. You think I'm just going to throw myself at your feet because you promise us all eternal night? How about you kindly go fuck yourself? You happily stump for Erzsebet because she promised you that she'll create a world that will allow you to relive your glory days? Couldn't be me!

Like obviously we have a much more limited viewpoint for Olrox because we know so much less about him and his past, but this is not a guy who's waiting for someone to give him a purpose. He acts alone, he doesn't play nice with others, he has his own agenda, and is even a little bit of a hedonist: investigating the relationship between the abbot and Erzsebet? Might as well fuck a hot monk while I'm at it. I said eat the rich, but I might as well look good doing it. You hate/fear me cause I killed your mom? Get over it already. You think the opera singing night creature is annoying? Well, I'm familiar enough with opera music to know he's actually reading you all for filth, so I think it's great!

I think at the end of the day, Alucard is a character who defines himself by others, not understanding why he still feels so empty and alone. And Olrox is a character who defines himself by his own terms, but in being caught between both human and vampire worlds has learned to push people away because he thinks he is better off that way. But by the end of the season, his worst fear is realized: I cannot do this alone. I am at the mercy of someone else's help.

But Olrox isn't like anyone else Alucard has rescued before. He's a fellow vampire. He's a fellow immortal. He's going to be around for as long as he is. And maybe, in that time, a little bit of that ego can start to rub off on Alucard. Maybe he can learn to live for himself without apology, without feeling like he has to atone for the sins of his father. Maybe, just maybe, he can learn to exist outside of the role of the mythical savior.

Because Olrox doesn't want one of those—heaven's no. He can take care of himself, thank you very much. But what if he could learn he doesn't always have to? Who better to restore his faith in the world than the guy who has his mother's conviction that all of this mess is worth saving so deeply ingrained in him that it's been the primary source of his identity for centuries?

I'm starting to ramble here so I hope this is coherent, but in conclusion: they would be so restorative for each other and look so hot together and that is why I believe in Alurox supremacy 🙏

[steampunkserpent]

Tw: Mental Health, self harm, depression.

Idk why I'm writing this it's almost 1am for me and I should sleep but here goes. Hopefully if someone needs to read this they read it. If not then it's fine.

But I've been thinking of my healing journey on depression. I know we live in the era where mental health isn't so stigmatized, but in truth it really is irl. Like online people with their stories are open and frequent and that's awesome the amount of support they receive. But in real life it's hard to be open about any accomplishment or struggles because you know people have their own concerns but unlike online where you don't worry about sending your concerns into space because if someone doesn't want to hear it they keep scrolling, that can't happened irl. But what sucks is you bottle it up and don't feel that true connection you need sometimes. Yet online because it's so easy to just go offline, you worry you don't feel that connection either.

Anyway I know I'm usually a blogpost that spams stupid stuff and jokes and fantasy and in love over fictional characters material with the occasional real world concern topic, but in truth I'm still working on my mental health. A year ago I was bed rotting and wanting to go to sleep and never wake up bc I had no motivation in life. Turns out, anemia, vitamin d deficiency, and pre diabetic will fuck your shit up. I'm still recovering from it and for once I feel hope and can't wait for tomorrow.

But I struggle with getting these feelings out because I don't want to make people uncomfortable, but I don't know how to celebrate my recovery with friends without giving context that led to the recovery process. And basically for the person out there, if you're out there, who feels like that too, I want you to know you're not alone. But you're going to feel alone and hey, sometimes that's life. But you aren't alone and if nothing else, I'm very happy and proud of you wherever you are on your recovery path too.

As for anyone else reading this who knows me, I'm so grateful we chat even maybe 2 messages a month or every day. Maybe I'm just sentimental but I genuinely feel like even the smallest interaction makes my day, and consequently my life, rhat much better as I learn to appreciate what it means to live.

Dont worry. We'll get back to the regularly scheduled memes and fanart reposting. But until then. Sorry for the rambles, yet I do feel like I needed to say this in some sort of way, and to let anyone know I appreciate them.

[sageofsunbloom]

Hello. If its still ok, I would like to request a reading. My question: Will I get to attend college in my country this year 2025 and if yes, how will I end up getting financial support for it? Even if its not this year, will I get to attend college to purse the degree I want at least next year? And if possible, I want to knw if I will attend college in my country of if I will have to move away and attend college at a different country bc things are not stable here currently(politically and also personally) The thing is, my mom doesn't want to fund or support me financially so I am struggling here and it makes me depressed jux thinking abt it. Its been many years since I last attended school and i still haven't continued my higher education so I feel rlly depressed and stuck and mad, all in one. I feel mad too bc the very own mom that i am supposed to rely on has never supported me esp regarding my education since I've been waiting for ages to continue my education and she still doesnt want to support me. I know if I was my other siblings, she would do it in a heartbeat and sometimes bc of this bias, I wish I was never born tbh. I can't find a job first either bc they only choose ppl with a degree and even if they choose ppl without a degree, the salary for jobs that don't require any degrees is too low for anyone's daily expenses and rent. Also, there is civil war here too which restricts me from getting one as well so yea. Anything you can get about the outcome or future of this situations please. Thank you. My initials are A.M

Hi sweetheart!

Will you get to attend college this year in your country?

Moon clarified by the fool reversed, seven of cups

There is a lot of uncertainty regarding this new venture that youre wanting to go on. Im not getting a definite answer. There some illusion here, veil thats needing to be lifted before you get a specific answer. Perhaps it's too risky whatever it is thats causing you confusion. Youre not aware of how to do a certain thing so you dont know how to make that leap that will free you. Youre stuck daydreaming and looking at multiple choices. You might be thinking that there are lots of opportunities and options when in actuality thats false. Youre very lost but wanting to make this choice that will alter your life.

Will you get to attend college next year?

The sun and king of wands

OMG yes. Next year there will be a breakthrough for sure. Youre walking away from things that dont serve you and youre moving forward with courage and conviction. There is so much joy and luck. You will feel so much accomplisment like youre finally getting to hold your own. There might even be a male authority figure who's fiery and passionate here helping you or youre the one who has stepped into this energy of blazing sun. You will be recognized.

Is this another person?

Four of wands, page of coins

Im getting yes.If this is another person it can be someone in your family or someone youre reunited with. Theyre going to be highly positive and give you new material opportunities. There is this energy of great transformation.

Will you attend college in your country?

Six of swords, the moon reverse

No, I'm seeing that youre going to move to someplace thats calmer. You finally have a lot of clarity about your place and direction in life. Youre moving away from the place that doesn't serve you any longer. Youre making decisions for yourself that requires lots of willpower and action. Youre finally healing and moving forward. The things that used to confuse you has been cleared up. Theres resolution and relief. You can finally see through the deception. You will escape and you will find lots of joy.

Some questions I added in to help:

Advice for you

Four of coins reversed, five of wands, queen of swords

Stand your ground and fight for what you believe. You need to fight for what you know you deserve. Awaken your inner fire to cut through crap and illusions.Dont accept pennies. Know your worth. If there is an argument use your sharp tongue and intellect to cut through the bullshit. Be very clear about what you want and who you are. Dont be passive. Beware of holding your resources, money or belief too tightly or possessively and instead learn how to grow them. Be curious and open to learning about financial and material matters. Be optimistic. You are building new foundations. Be open and courageous.

Is there any way for you to go to college this year?

Death, nine of swords, page of coins reversed clarified by page of wands reversed

Im getting that in order to make this happen, you need to let of your fears and illusions. You need to go through a transformation. Something needs to end for something new to begin. Some kind of loss or change is inevitable and essential. Youre going to need to let go of something. Things are making you anxious, giving you sleepless nights and terror. Youre not setting concrete foundational goals yet. That inner fire hasnt been activated and you might be curious and willing but your energy is scattered and youre still lost and new to everything. Even if it seems all doom and gloom now in the night, the sun will always rise. And for you the morning sun brings opportunites, joy and healing, better than you might imagine now.

I felt so much heaviness and confusion during your reading and the moon card kept making appearances over and over. My heart goes out to you and I wish you to be liberated and free. The future holds much joy, just keep swimming.

Feedback is mandatory ♡

[cuteniarose]

tell us abt meifeng here too plz!

(anon just found ur art blog post lol)

Oh sure!! I was just thinking about her earlier today lmao

So I'm not gonna repeat most of the stuff I've already said about her on my art blog, anyone's who's curious can just go here and read it for themselves, but I will give a brief rundown:

Meifeng – born in about 120-121 AG, give or take a couple of years. She/her, cis, not quite sure about her sexuality yet. A waterbender who specialises in healing. She's Ming-Hua's older cousin, the daughter of Nuying's (Ming-Hua's mom) older half brother, who was often in charge of babysitting her because Nuying's mental state wasn't the most stable after her husband left. Years later, Meifeng was the one who tried to stop Ming-Hua from running away, who remained at Nuying's side as she died (the exact circumstances of which I described in my art post and have actually cried over. It's really a gutpunch and a half), and who taught Suiren the basics of waterbending. That last point makes her an incredibly emotionally conflicting character, at least to me, because she's yet another adult in Suiren and Midori's life who failed them :/

Now, onto some more fun and hopefully less depressing stuff:

I imagine Meifeng and Ming-Hua's relationship to be somewhat similar to some aspects of Nani and Lilo's from Lilo and Stitch, mostly in the sense of Ming-Hua being an uncontrollable little chaos gremlin who Meifeng cannot turn away from for one second without her running off somewhere ("UGH, you're such a pain!!" "So why don't you sell me and buy a rabbit instead?!" "At least a rabbit would behave better than you!" "Great, then you'll be happy cause it'd be smarter than me too!!" "And QUIETER!!!" "You'll like it cause it's STINKY like you!!!!". Also, the gravity scene has them vibes too). She succeeded in stopping multiple of Ming-Hua's attempts to go too far outside their village but the second Ming-Hua learned to climb trees it was all over, it's impossible to catch up to her when she's in full on Tarzan mode. Meifeng's probably the only one of Ming-Hua's relatives to have ever met Ghazan because she's bound to have seen him while going to Gaoling to drag Ming-Hua's ass back home. But to her credit she never told anyone where exactly Ming-Hua was always running off to because she knew she'd get reprimanded for it as well. Eventually if she knew Ming-Hua was going to meet up with Ghazan, she'd let her go and would just spend the day off doing her own things away from the tribe so if anyone asked, she could say Ming-Hua was with her. #bestwingwoman

As Ming-Hua grew older their relationship started changing because it became clear Ming-Hua's thirst for freedom wasn't just her being a little brat or a bout of childish rebellion. Meifeng may have aided her in many things, but she was strictly against her running away for good. Their conversations became rather focused on things like "I know auntie can be... a little much sometimes, but she's your mother, she just wants the best for you". This, of course, pissed Ming-Hua off to no end and their relationship soured as she stopped confiding in Meifeng. Perhaps Meifeng eventually told Nuying about Ghazan and Gaoling and everything else in hopes that maybe at least her own mother would be able to talk some sense into her. That backfired majorly, resulting in a huge fight between Ming-Hua and Nuying. Luckily (or not, depending on who you ask), Ghazan ran away himself not long after so Ming-Hua wasn't placed on house arrest or watched like a hawk or anything since everyone thought her main influence was gone, but she still refused to say a single word to Meifeng for YEARS right up until she caught her running away in the middle of the night at age 15

Afterwards, Meifeng spent a lot of time comforting her aunt and just in general keeping her company whenever she could. And like I said, she was the one with Nuying when she passed, but I don't really want to linger on that bc it'll make me sad again so... regarding her relationship with Suiren. Meifeng knew her when she was very little but post-RL-imprisonment didn't see her again until she was 11. I know that in UtOS specifically Kat and I make a very big point out of Suiren not wanting to learn waterbending from anybody but her mama, but in that verse she's a traumatised seven year old child who, if she can't get her mama back, just wants everyone to leave her alone. In SotRL by the time she was 11 she had already accepted that her life wasn't going to change on its own, no one was coming to save them, nobody cared enough about them to do so. If she wanted to get herself and Midori away from Haya, she had to take matters into her own hands, and that meant learning waterbending. But it was forbidden in Haya's house and her skills atrophied over the years, so she couldn't do it alone. She remembered that her mother has family in the Swamp so maybe someone there could help her. It wasn't Mama, sure, but the swamp bending style is probably similar enough to Ming-Hua's unique one that it's easier to stomach than, say, learning northern style from Ikiaq. Meifeng took up teaching her and was rather impressed at how quickly she picked everything up, and maybe even shared some of what Ming-Hua had told her about her own unique style, how she relies on her spine and shoulders and all that, to help Suiren mimic it at least somewhat. But as nice and helpful as she was, she still ultimately refused to take Suiren and Midori in, even after being told that Haya is physically abusive, and Suiren never quite let go of that hurt and though the lessons continued because she had no other choice, she became even more closed off than she already was. Meifeng regrets that to this day but what she is regret if her choices meant Suiren and Midori needlessly suffered for another 12 years when it could have been different???

So this is basically the extent of what I have for now, I know all of it is based around Meifeng's relationships with other people rather than who she is on her own, but that's because her role in the story is a supporting one so I never really gave her much thought as an individual. Hope this still manages to satisfy your curiosity, though :)

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

fic random prompts for Vox Machina based on weird thoughts i've had about them

power swap

body swap

the one that has magic is now very stressed out bc its temporarily gone and life without it is HARD possibly paired with the one who never had magic is accidentally fucking shit up by having it temporarily

cursed object

cursed object that does something that's a bit fucked up but kinda funny when you think about it

make them poly

everyone has to trade weapons or classes for the day to see how the other side of the equation or party works

so you've been turned into an animal by (friend/enemy)...

spell went super weird and now there's (insert chaos here)

technially the potion was made right, but like the gorgon scales were from east fantasyland not west fantasyland and that... had some consequences

poison in the food / for extra spicy, poisoned group meal

kidnapped and/or tortured and all hope is lost/feel the others aren't coming and then BOOM they come through the wall like the koolaid man to save the day

drunken hijinks

accidental superpowers for a bit

demonic possession

that one dude who died didn't (yay)

that one dude who died did, but apparently ghosts are a thing

turns out the bard can seduce the whole team

your dead parents have been reanimated by (evil doer) to mess with you pyhologically. (Get free therapy walloping them back to undeath?)

major unexpected weather event puts the group in danger and someone has to be stupidly heroic (and/or the adult)

Everyone's had a bad time and their worst qualities are on show, the fighting is tearing the group apart. Someone has to be the Adult.

Altered state (drugs, altered reality with spell or tech, drunk, head injury)

The one that dislikes being vulnerable needs reassurance when they are

PRANK WAR

Fake family where the characters have like 0.02 seconds to make up a convincing reason that character A and B are the parents of C (D, E, etc). Even if A is a gnome and C is a goliath.

fake wedding that's actually a heist, but we actually had to marry to get the crowd to cher loud enough to cover the sound of the explosion and now it's awkward in the group

The Adults in the group start using subtle behaviour management responses to misbehaviour (even if it means someone puts someone on timeout mid-battle, and gives like stickers for good behaviours) "If you don't stop fighting I'm turning this art around and there'll be NO fighting dragons today!" as a legit threat

Someone thought to be uncaring or comic relief has one on one moments where they really connect with the others and bring them out of darkness

The louder they laugh, the harder they cry (little fucked up but keep them laughing so they'll never know)

So you have at least 23 children out there across the land and you're being chased for alimony...

Fuck it, everyone gets wings for a fi for no real reason

Soulmate au, but there's a price like... if you know who it is but refuse them, you start to die slowly. or if they've been spelled/other, it can warp the name/symbol or maybe where the name is is where they will hurt you the most and yours is over your heart, you expect heartbreak but no they stab you

You have to explain to your patron deity how being in a Gnomes Gone Wilde pamphlet is, in fact, missionary work of the highest order

One of the party does something horrendously sacriligious in the temple and now the cleric has to deal with it

Someone argues directly with a god and tells them to fuck off, either it goes exactly how you'd expect or they get gifted for their gall

the Cleric has decided that you only get one heal a week bc they're tired of your shit, and the times they break it

you have an injury that no one else needs know about bc you don't want to bother them... and that works until you half-die in your evening meal

mixed a potion of No Sleep and its been four days, the others are concerned

the We Love you You Depressed Bastard so lets get you showered fic

ye olde first aid course for dummies

the rogue uses stealth to try and sneak as much off a party member as they can before the target notices. You wish the goliath had noticed before the loincloth came off, but... you're just that good. [additional: You manage to get several shirts off before your target notices, and that's funny but now you're concerned these people have no self awareness and need to have a talking to]

A teammate is basicaly a disney princess and the plants growing in her wake make general household cleaning a problem

Grow plants with magic? Yes Gardening? It's on fire and you only planted daisies, what happened?

You're the tank and think people should just let you be the shield. Here's a few times they didn't and you realised they cared, but are also stupid bc they're small and got hurt and now you have to be worried about them.

Party tricks with your powers/weapons and/or competitions in the party

So you accidentally adopted a baby during a quest... Bonus: the baby has powers and its terrifying, but you all asume levitation is like, normal, bc no one is a parent

Someone unexpected gets pregnant (and it might be a demon or something with fifteen rows of teeth but you knt it booties all the same)

You use your animal speak abilities for EVIL

Someone's hiding a secret ability [bonus: its mundane as hell, so they assume everyone can do it but surprise, its low level magic eg. like they can just KNOW how to make something after tasting it once, or they've never broken a bone despite falling out of trees a lot, or they can soothe any infant handed to them instantly, or their singing makes plants grow but they assume its because speaking to them helps them feel lush etc]

Everyone's singing except the bard, what kind of spell is this?

Everyone gets to just go absolutely apeshit, as a treat, against the villain of their choice

Someone slipped a cursed amulet in your pocket and now mildly inconvenient things are happening

Super mega group friendship powers activate e.g. there's something one of them can only activate with their group involved, focused or touching

Group tattoos/marks Bonus: the hangover style wake up with new tattoos and a giant weretiger in the bathroom that the bard doesn't recall seducing... but isnt oposed to trying (again)

Platonic soul bonds that are images you match with others your group of adventurers is symbolised by (insert image here)

The alternate time opportunity One o you gets the chance to change their fate at a pivotal moment in their life... everything shifts to a new timeline, but its clunky. So vague memories of someone they're supposed to be, a different world, come back in dreams

Shared nightmare

Monster of the week shennanigans

Someone gets bitten or injured by something that begins to change them and the others need to take a perilous journey to save them / get the antidote

using magic outside its intended purposes eg don't try this at home kids

Suubus/Incubus/Siren nonsense... and the bard is offended, but wins everyone back anyway

[highqueenofelfhame]

Hi I saw your post about fics being in character and I thought this could be a good opportunity to share some insight to help people who struggle with their characterization. I love your writing and ask could you share some traits you see as 'core' Rowan and Aelin traits? Maybe more valuably, would you be open to sharing your process for what you look for in the text when understanding characters, what stands out to you and what you make sure to include vs what you don't? I understand if this isn't something you want to share and I send this ask with good intentions and respect and hope this can start a productive discussion, no drama. Thanks :))

totally okay that you asked this!!

i think part of it is that i have read everything up to EoS so many times. like at least four times each and i've read heir of fire and queen of shadows probably six times each. i've only read kingdom of ash once bc it's still too painful to read again lmaoooo.

when i write i also always look for any chance i can to make parallels. i love making canon parallels to anything from small moments to bigger ones that are more recognizable. like the rowaelin qos reunion, rowan's "where is my wife" moment. rowan and aelin sparring in any capacity, like, anything like that. because i think that helps when you're pulling from the text and putting them into situations where you know how they interact with them, and it makes it easier to add in bits and pieces before and after. if that makes any kind of sense. (this also goes for legit any ship that i write. nessian, feysand, etc. pulling from the text and putting them in familiar situations will always help.)

as far as traits go, one of my major ones that i always try to keep in mind is rowaelin's loyalty to each other. rowan is like loyal to aelin almost to a fault sometimes. he will do anything and everything for her. when it comes that's why their thing is "to whatever end." they will follow each other to whatever end and beyond.

aelin has a very low opinion of herself. she thinks that she's expendable compared to those around her. she is very depressed sometimes and i think it gets overlooked a lot. (when i get my books back from my sister, i plan on doing a meta about this.) but she's been through a lot in her life and i try to keep that in mind in a lot of au's. some au's that are heavier (like iihasts and fafs) i try to pull on that. her mental health is very important to a lot of the way she handles things. post KOA, i know this girl has PTSD. it's evident in the way she handles a lot and takes a long time to warm back up to rowan in kingdom of ash. but she was tortured and manipulated for months. she's not okay.

people (in the books) also call her selfish A LOT but most of what she does she does for other people. she even spared dorian the weight of killing his father and told him she did it. like, come on.

as celaena, she does lean on the more selfish side, but as aelin she's doing everything she does for the greater good of the entire world. she didn't forge that lock for herself. she forged that lock for a better tomorrow for everyone she loved. which is incredibly selfless. she would also completely throw down to keep her loved ones safe.

the arrogant behavior is such an act. she's not really like that, it's a cover to hide everything she's truly feeling inside, to protect herself, to keep people from truly getting to know her. she can flip her personality to better suit the situation and the people she's around. she's mostly only her true self around aedion, lysandra, and rowan. i don't even think she really reveals herself to the rest of the cadre for probably a very long time. she picks fights when she's hurting the most and rowan is really the first person to see and recognize that. (very evident in hof when she sees what a good person gallan appears to be and goes and picks a bar fight immediately. or when arobynn humiliates her and she wears her nicest jewels to try to intentionally get robbed so she can start a fight.)

the reality is that she's an insanely hard worker, she keeps going and going and going to meet to meet her goals. she's a master strategist and very quick on her feet in any situation she finds herself in. she feels isolated (which goes back to her depression and ptsd) and she feels misunderstood. but she has been known to literally give the cloak off her back (with kaltain) and the money in her pocket (with yrene) and doesn't expect anything in return. literally nothing in return. she just did it out of the goodness of her own heart, yet she's constantly filled with self doubt that she's a bad person because people tell her that she is (chaol literally calls her a monster and she holds onto that and ends up asking rowan if she is one.)

she gives a lot of forgiveness and second chances, except to abusers. she pulls no punches with them. yet even with arboynn, she made sure there were no redeeming qualities left before letting lysandra kill him. instead of seeing it as a victory, though, she just felt hollow. she doesn't take joy in killing these people. she is not a bad person.

she feels a lot of guilt when she feels she could have stopped things. i think she carries those moments with her. which is why she helped those people the king wanted dead to escape in com. she has no problem ending people that deserve the punishment, but when they don't, she does what she can to help them.

rowan is so respectful. he finally gets his mate and his wife and his love back and he's consistently giving her the space she requires when it's so hard for him to not just touch her. he puts his own needs aside consistently based on what aelin needs.

he's a complete and total hardass to other people but is so soft for her. but he's also territorial about her. he's protective of her. but never at the cost of what she needs and wants. however, he will put his foot down and make people swallow their own tongues if they're disrespectful toward her. but he's also respectful toward everyone, not just aelin. he can prove his points without physical violence even if he would want to.

in that same vein, if you're doing enemies to lovers, he doesn't understand her at first. he think's she's spoiled and doesn't have a single clue about the trauma she's been through and he's very hard on her. he treats her like another warrior in their training. he doesn't go easy on her just because she's a woman (which also still comes from a place of respect) but the second he finds out about her trauma the way he treats her shifts. he becomes protective because he doesn't put up with that kind of shit. he isn't torturing her in their training, in fact aelin in hof says that he's brilliant even if he beats the shit out of her every damn day. a lot of people try to twist that into a thing of abuse, but again, he's training her like a warrior. he doesn't coddle her and she doesn't want to be coddled. again, this comes from a place of respect.

he also learns from his mistakes and tries to right them, and takes action to better himself from it as soon as he can. this is important. he has the humility to apologize, whether it be by actions or words. he doesn't ask for credit in the things he does and ends up kind of making jokes about it. i think he has a lot of humility at the end of the day. he is quick to forgive others when it's deserved but has a lot of trouble forgiving himself. this is also important.

but rowan also has a playful side with aelin. they have witty banter that they exchange even when they're not totally on board with the other. he's funny in subtle ways, and toward the end of the series we see that he's so wholly comfortable with her that he even gets a little silly.

after his own trauma, he also falls into a very deep depression. for centuries. it took aelin coming along for him to come back out of his shell. everyone gave up on him, but aelin never did. just like he never gave up on her, and they were able to walk out of that darkness together. i also think he feels a lot of guilt when innocent lives get put in danger and risk or die at his hands when he felt he could have stop it, much like aelin.

rowan is also very calm in most situations. he's able to work out solutions like the warrior that he is even when other people are losing their minds, which makes him a very good soldier and eventually king.

i could keep going but this is getting wildly long lol. i hope this helps even a little. thank you to @westofmoon @whimsicallyreading @punkassbookjockey26 for helping me with my thoughts as i'm still exhausted from surgery and healing.

[thisdreamplace]

So, I'm the anon who sent that long ask about the void. And your answer made me realise a lot of things. So I decided to find out what my inner, core beliefs are and what my belief system is like. I realised I hadn't at all been acknowledging my old story and I couldn't change it or let go of it without finding out what it was.

So I talked to myself, and I wrote it all down, and it was. Depressing. I didn't realise how many deep-rooted, awful beliefs I had about myself and my life. Obviously those were the things that would keep on playing out regardless of whether or not I forced myself to not acknowledge it. Because those were the things that I actually, really believed deep down inside.

I've realised that two of my biggest problems are lack of self worth and anxiety. And I can kind of see where they came from. Not fully, I still need to do that work and unpack that so I can start to understand it, but kind of. My problem now is that these two problems are very deep-rooted and I am not sure at all that I'll be able to effectively fix those problems and heal myself. These sound like problems you'll need long, intensive therapy to fix. And I got really overwhelmed and upset thinking about that, so I started to wonder, can I manifest confidence, getting rid of my anxiety, and better mental health? All things are possible, right? So I should be able to do that. I've seen a few success stories about people manifesting better mental health for themselves, and I want to do that too.

But I don't want to fall into the trap of lying to myself all over again. I know that I need to change my beliefs but I have no idea where to begin.

Any advice? How can I manifest better mental health without making the same mistake again?

hello <3 i’m glad to hear back from you !

hmmmm to be real with you, when something was deep and painly engraved, i had to work through it. while knowing that this wasn’t my end, it wasn’t my story. just something i had to feel out as it released. so i guess that’s my only advice to you.

don’t neglect yourself because of your manifestation — as in, all because you’ve manifested better mental health, it does not mean that you cannot feel low or cry or whatever else you may perceive negatively. do not deny yourself the journey and process, because that isn’t helpful. you think you’re doing the right thing bc “well if i have better mental health then im happy and thats final !” or smth like that. but no ! not at all. it’s really about honoring yourself in every moment and being your #1 supporter. so i think this is the way you can keep yourself from falling back into trying to force a belief that simply isn’t working — don’t judge yourself. decide on your desire and know that nothing you experience along the way is hindering you.

also, don’t label yourself so terribly. could therapy help ? absolutely. and it’s a wonderful option for many, but it’s not always affordable and accessible. don’t look at what’s within you as a terrible hurdle to overcome — take it day by day. it was never stopping you, you stopped you. and this releasing process allows you that freedom that you couldn’t see was always available to you through the darkness that lingered. so breathe. this isn’t about fixing yourself — it’s really about accepting and loving yourself unconditionally more. and you realize your limitations were only limits because you saw them that way and now you get to change the narrative. that’s all it is. don’t let yourself see this as a chore. full honesty (even when it’s ugly) with yourself is the way.

also here’s this post again bc it really gives you the process from start to finish. do you need to follow this perfectly ? absolutely not. you have to be willing to play around and find your own way that really speaks to you. but this is a great outline to begin with.

i hope this helps. i wish you all the best 💓

[like-the-rest-of-la]

The pain that 5x13 put me in- my dad is currently in the military and had to go to war more than once, and seeing the writers go for the problems veterans have to go through in the US and in nearly all countries in the world makes me happy. (But damn! I wasn't ready for all of them to be dead wtffffff- my heart- my headcanons- help)

I just have to wonder, do you think they'll go as far as make Eddie have suicidal thoughts? Or depression, PTSD, etc? I just don't know if they will really put words to the situation they created.

heeey, sorry for the late answer, somehow I only saw that I had this ask now 💛 (this is gonna be a pure rambling sorry)

Yeah, I'm really glad that they went there as well. It hurt to watch because - and kudos to Ryan for the acting here - it felt so damn raw and real and my heart broke as well in that scene. But I love that we get to see the depths of how much war and the experiences around that can seriously fuck with you and how that trauma can manifest in your life. We've seen glimpses of it during season 3 (and honestly, I am still crying at Eddie saying he doesn't really feel emotions he knows he's supposed to feel... like damn) but Eddie was able to 'shove it all back in a box' back then bc he still had his job and his support system around him - the well hadn't happened yet, he hadn't been shot in the middle of LA...

I feel like so many people have already pointed out really amazing things about how the show portrayed this whole breakdown and everything leading up to it. How Eddie listening into the 'If I don't operate out of fear and it goes away, how am I supposed to operate?'-call features into it all... how the ways in which the people Eddie had saved, died, mirrored emergencies and tragedies in Eddie's personal life - like, from a writing perspective my jaw is still on the floor - that was so well done.

I think what Eddie's story (from the fight club arc, over Eddie begins, to Eddie dealing with the shooting, his panic attacks and now his break down) shows so brilliantly, is how there's such a disconnect and dissonance between how you're feeling when you 'come back' from war/ survive a trauma vs. how everyone else who hasn't been to war / hasn't experienced what you've lived through is behaving. And Eddie has never been given the opportunity to find a healthy coping mechanism, to simply feel his feelings without guilt. (fuck his parents, especially his dad, for getting it into his head that showing emotions is weakness, that you have to move forward all the time, plus the way Eddie said, after he pulled his team out of the helicopter crash and saved them that it hadn't felt like it was enough - THAT MUST HAVE COME FROM SOMEWHERE like I AM SO MAD ABOUT THAT) Because Eddie is such a gentle and kind person, I always got the impression that he feels SO much, but constantly forced himself to suppress it (out of self-preservation bc he didn't want to break down, and out of these learnt behaviours). And suppressing all the things he is feeling has hurt him so much. I'm so happy he's gonna be on his healing journey now.

Re: the second part of your ask... I feel like we're heavily in the middle of a depression/ptsd arc even without it being explicitly named, because that's what we're watching - it's been unfolding all season. And... the way Eddie behaved during the hostage situation, how he basically was calm and collected until he got Buck out of it all and then - I mean we've been joking about Eddie being a petty bitch in that situation, but, like ... he didn't really care what was happening to him at all and I feel like that was very telling in a way.

And like, I know we all talk about Buck being the one who said: 'It would have been better for him if it was me who got shot.', but honestly, I think Eddie operates under the premise that: 'if it has to be anyone, it's okay that it's me, it should be me', as if his presence alone is somehow something he needs to atone for?!?!? As if, when something happens to him, and not someone else, at least it makes sense somewhere, as if that's the prize he has to pay for existing as himself?!? So he desperately self-contains his pain, shoves down having wants and needs, bc he thinks letting it out will only ever lead to dragging the people around him down with him (another big fuck you to his parents, HELLO!?!? (also, again, that shit had to come from somewhere even before Eddie joined the army and I need to know more about who Eddie was before Christopher was born!!)) and that's why he had to reach that rock bottom... I think @catdadeddie mentioned it in her tags somewhere, the fact that Eddie called Mills, and was confronted with the worst case scenario of Eddie not dealing with his trauma, was ... phew... but it also served as a catalyst for Eddie to say: 'I can't do this anymore, I don't want this for myself anymore, I want to feel something else, I want to be happy again.' And because Buck is there now, it will also need to the realisation that he doesn't have to shoulder all of it alone. That Buck will be there and keep him company in his mess... (like, this is one of the most beautifully stories told ever... I'm still losing it)

[add-the-account-yourcosmicguide]

So I revamped my account profile. Again. .. I get easily bored of looking at the same theme over and over, it's just another symptom of my A.D.H.D brain hahahehe

Who misses this version ?

Now my blog is a little bit better. It's a bunch of chaos still I know lllol😆🥰😍🙃 that's all part of my show buttt🥰but but thix time at least I'm feeling thd vibe of my profile a bit more ... its more tuned jnto my aura anc my mood.

And I bet I may change it again too.

What yall thinking?

I'm enjoying the two games events that I've got going on on my blog currently especially since yall give me such detailed feedback about my vibe and the vibe of my blog and how I come across and eh wow dudes yall must have known me in z past life of some shit !!??? Because like each kf you guys had something right intriguing to say about me without really even talking tk me before ! But I guess it's cuz mmm I leg it al, hang out on my blogwho I am, I'm not hiding that's for sure j just straight shoot fell what's on my mind and I will sag THERESOOOMHCCHMORE THAT IMNOT SAYYING due to thd fact that I for the most part am sort of hiding the reality and severity of my illnesses dud to myself wanting to keep it private bc it usually leads to lots ov trouble the more I speak about my cancer,.. and other debilitating mental and cognitive factors and disease or illness that I've struggle with, flr damn solong.

It seems like my bad witch too tough like a grunge aestetics acting likd a goth that is the theme of my tumblr (such I relate to in subtle ways compared to mh normal, style) If seems that it had a big bad negative effect on my ask box. OK ok that's such an extreme lol 😆 but I mean yall might of got a perspective of the OLD ME through that view of my blog ... like yeh when I use to be a teen and had lots more health and vitality and my kickass style was rockin my socks instead of hospital gown gear and I.V dreading bedding in this damn depression of my anxious corner of my mind and my weak body but yah I am tough exterior like I take no shit that's for sure and sassy sure I'm able to sass you lol it's just my energy level these days isn't the goth hard-core witch fae I use to be as much I'm milder and calmer but hysterical at the same time because I'm dying 😅🙃 and this is crazy I haven't come to terms with it , I don't have my bucket list cleared I'm so lost ....

Eh but yah so many of you took my blog and viewed it as if it'd style was an example of me , but clarifying it's the old me thanks for describing znd reminding me who I am really am and eh j just got turned around and lost myself. This is the new me .

My old blog was jusg an outfit in mg closet I'd wear out on nights I felt that 2014 nostalgia of Tumblr being the aestetic blog it was lol

Yall mistook me a bit. I can ooze confidence and sexuslity and can be a sex kitten oozing self confidence and sticking thd mild finger to the air but...

Now I lay in bed do not party hardy or drink Baacardii. I barely get my ensure and boost down without throwing up !! #sickypoo -spooniewitch

I'm hardly anything likd thd beauty I once was

Need your help people

I'm in a sick sick 😷🤧 time of my life so desperately clinging to barely nothing to hope for the future seems so bleak...

Iv got ZERO donations and my operation is scheduled in 8 weeks . To remove thd xanceruus mass on my kidneys abd bladder . I ain't to go to bathroom regular.

Please some people should consider donating so I can live another year or so then from there get the home therapy j need from the nurses anc get better because as it stands ima goner.. won't be here for more than a couple weeks more living on this planet abc I rea,kg enjoy Shamanic Healing I'd likd to do more pick a carss too and tell ysll who yuf Spirit guides ard abx who yyr soulmate ix even twinflame, I'm available for the game think about seeing mh article ad just on my profile peeps

I'm in o so soo much dxmn pain, wish these painkillers would work longer than 20mins . Not good enough .... I cannot sleep. I have no support here. Ivc how nobody

😥sad sad sad

To donate my public PayPal email is cosmicmysticguidance@gmail.com

www.paypal.me/cosmicguide

[spacemamaa]

hi ate jaleen! i totally agree with everything you said esp the part abt the yt readers. i find it interesting how a lot of ppl have their own understandings abt TFs and i've seen a lot of them talk abt "physical sensations" like you did. i'd wondered myself if the guy i've dealt with in the past was actually a TF. tbh i never experienced the physical sensations you've mentioned but i did very much feel a weird sense of familiarity with him and never in my entire life as an introvert had i ever been that comfortable just being myself with someone as i was immediately with him. other than that, my heart and stomach would hurt so bad whenever i feel anxious abt anything that has to do with him.

i only started learning about spirituality and the term TF after we had a falling-out. we first met at uni when we shared the same class. we didn't have an instant connection bc at the time i was into someone else and we were just group mates for our lab activities so we didn't rlly talk much. it was only after abt a year or so when we shared another few classes (for the 3rd time) that we became friends. i used to hate myself a lot and suffered from anxiety and depression to the point that i would physically hurt myself. he was the first person who taught me how to love myself and introduced me to LOA and all that. basically, he was like the catalyst to my healing journey which only began after we had our first falling-out. it's unbelievable how one night i was just bawling my eyes out and begging for everything to stop hurting—i was so desperate for a change bc i was beyond exhausted from a lot of things + i couldn't bear the physical symptoms i felt when we weren't okay. and then, as if a switch had been flipped, i became a totally, inexpicably, different person just from reading a few lines from a self-help book i discovered that taught abt spirituality. a couple of weeks later, him and i were back to being friends. i decided to stay for a while (even when it hurt) bc i knew he needed someone who understood him but i promised myself that i would leave the second i was certain he didn't need me anymore. my journey to self-love continued, however, it did slow down. when he hurt me again for the last time i could endure, i finally cut him off. i knew we both needed to work on ourselves alone, esp him. he could act like a total dick sometimes lmao but, in the end, he owned up to his crap and understood why i had to go. we genuinely wanted the best for each other.

i honestly stopped caring abt labels a long time ago. i don't think labeling our connection will change how much i already love him unconditionally and beyond i should be allowed to and i know he loves(/d) me too (maybe just not in the same way tho he did tell me he was into me). everything you said abt the signs to look out for resonated with me (except for the physical sensations you mentioned)—the telepathy thing, mirroring, repeating numbers, runner and chaser dynamic (for a short period of time) and all that were there. it wasn't until we had a falling-out for the second time that i was able to focus on myself without any distraction. i'm embracing and becoming more and more of my true self each day and i've faced my childhood traumas/demons/issues and have even learned to forgive myself and others. it's incredible how it's like i transformed into a completely different person from who i was before meeting him and yet somehow i wonder maybe it's all just a coincidence? maybe the reason why i'm getting synchronicities is bc i started attracting them when i became aware of them? i certainly doubt i'd be who i am today if i hadn't met him and i'm curious to know whether a "karmic" partner can trigger spiritual awakening too. despite the ridiculous amt of love i still have for him, i don't exactly like him—at least not the person i left—and i love myself more. i low-key don't like the idea of him being my TF but at the same time if i actually have one and were to meet one in this lifetime, i hope it's already him bc ain't no way i'm going through that much hell again lmao i only want the very best for me bc i know i deserve the world the same way everyone does.

anw thank you sm for answering my prev ask and if you've read all of that!!! 😂 you're one of the few ppl whose opinions i genuinely respect a lot and enjoy listening to. i rlly admire your hard work and i hope you keep doing what you love doing! 🤍🤍🤍

((i'm currently broke so i can only watch your ads on yt as much as i can in return (at least for now) i hope that's okay. 😭😭😭))

Aww!! Thank you so much for supporting me. it is definitely not necessary for you to purchase a reading to support me. Either way I appreciate you for tuning in and even asking these questions. 🤧💘

I forgot say that there are fake TFs, too! Idk if it’s a test run or something, but it definitely is a thing from my experience, so I have become wary of labeling my experiences as such! That’s why I tell people not to get sucked into these things or to obsess.

I wish you luck on your journey and your person. :3 No matter what, it’s a fulfilling experience that is absolutely necessary for growth. ✨

[daesungindistress]

im glad im not the only one who found the truck ad thingy strange.. i mean do people seriously think yg has or will ever give a shit? bc I don't. of course, some staff members might care about bb as people but the company won't? and why do I feel like ot5s are always demanding stuff they don't even know the members want/need? its a nice sentiment i guess but i always get the feeling they don't trust the members somehow? oh well. yb said what he said, i'll take his word for it. it'll be alright.

The project wasn’t what I was expecting -- and by that I mean it wasn’t as BAD as I was expecting -- so I’m not too bothered by it. But it was still embarrassing and IMO reflected poorly on IVIPs as a whole. Because in some ways it was a bit tone-deaf. BB aren’t having activities right now primarily because of COVID, sure, but there is of course another reason why they’ve been keeping things on the down low since last year and giving their image time to slowly recover. You know who. He is so hated by Korea at the moment that the Korea Subway Transportation Corporation refused an ad for BIGBANG bearing his name and face not because he isn’t a member of the group anymore but because he’s considered “immoral”. So, what do OT5 IVIPs do? Go and put him in a paid ad for BIGBANG demanding protection against hate. Aimed at YG, no less, who he no longer has a contract with 🤦 “Foreign roaches should read the room,” one knetizen commented. Yeah, some of us can. OT5s can’t. I swear these people wake up every day with the goal of finding new ways to get the guys dragged.

In another recent fan project (Fanplus) a fanmade OT4 poster was selected to celebrate BB’s upcoming 14th anniversary in Korean subway stations. OT5s raged online and bombarded the company with hate to the point where Fanplus issued a statement politely requesting that fans stop sending them profanity. This made the news in Korea, by the way. These fans ran amok on Twitter, plotting to sabotage the project (yes that’s the word they used), promising to vandalize the displays, and threatening to tear them down. Y’all. Who needs antis when you’ve got fans like that? Ironically, these OT5s don’t seem to realize they’ve become the very thing they’re asking YG to protect BB from.

And no, they don’t trust the members in the slightest. If they did they would stop screaming at them about Seungri daily and trying to strong-arm them into giving them what they want. They would stop baiting them into making statements about him... then manipulating, misinterpreting, and mistranslating their words when what they get isn’t quite what they were hoping for. They would see the foolishness of slapping his face on promotional posters and would think twice about demeaning the members by placing him front and center. If they truly trusted BB they would stop shoving him on them, where he no longer belongs, and on us, where he’s no longer wanted. They would quit forcing the issue, give up their demands, and simply let it be. Accept what’s happened and what is -- quietly.

If they trusted the members they would also let go of this pretense of concern they’ve been flaunting lately. “We care more about the members’ mental health than a comeback,” they boast, in a seemingly well-meaning but actually backwards attempt to disguise the fact that they’re reluctant (and for some, downright unwilling) to support new material from a four-member BIGBANG. It’s only a nice sentiment until you understand where it’s coming from, this faux caring. They are hoping the guys will lie low a little longer, quietly and uneventfully, their creative energies suppressed until their disgraced ex-member returns from the military and ~rejoins~ them. They’re pushing a tragic narrative that says the members are too depressed and broken to make music without him. Believing they don’t want to come back as four and patting themselves on the back for telling the guys to take it easy until they can be five again. Yeah, that sounds an awful lot like wishful thinking to me, from a group of fans who still, after a year and a half, haven’t come to terms with our new reality. We all know whose mental health they’re really protecting by balking at the idea of new music -- and it ain’t BIGBANG’s.

What’s especially funny about this is -- well, you know those teasers from TOP over the last few days? The clips from the studio with the caption “working,” him spitting lines with a vengeance, dancing in his PJs and looking for all the world like someone who’s ready to take on the stage, and even dropping a “Big Bang,” getting us all stirred up with excitement? He posted those just as these “we’re not asking for a comeback because we care” arguments were making rounds on Twitter. The timing could not have been better. Thanks, TOP, for serving a reminder to those who’ve forgotten (or have never known) that the most healing thing a creative person can do is keep creating 😘

In short, the truck project was messy, reckless, and unnecessary. And Youngbae’s “Cheer up, guys” that followed, with a fun message about shaking off hate, is all the encouragement I needed, personally, to keep believing good things are on the horizon for BIGBANG. I trust they know what they're doing. All there is for us to do is be there for them when the time comes. Until then, we wait.

[verobatto]

TFW: Time to rewrite your stars.

(The Phoenix Complex in Supernatural characters development. S14 spoilers)

Hello fandom! I just wanted to write something about the exciting idea represented in this season: Growth Time.

I already wrote about this Phoenix Complex before in my "breaking jars" meta, and how Supernatural used it as character development. This season 14 is showing us how our beloved characters slowly but certainly... Are arriving to fullfill their inner circle.

Sam from the "child with demon blood" to "there won't be new king of hell"

Since the beginning, Sam was marked with this "destiny" to fulfill, written by the unfortunately events that made Mary took the wrong decision.

You could say he was "screwed", surrended by demons in disguise, controlling all his movements. It was written... This kid with demon blood should rise with Lucifer, bring the Apocalypse and rule the world.

But even so, he's Sam "fucking" Winchester, he fought against all written destiny, against all bad decisions and he sacrificed himself for the good and his own ideas and perceptions about what is good. That was a triumph, but not the only triumph he had.

We could say his destiny was OPEN HELL GATE AND MAKE HELL OF THIS WORLD. But instead of that... He tried to closed hell's gate like a brave warrior looking for redemption in season 8.

I really believe this is Sammy season too. Episode 1 showed us a huge character growth, a bright Phoenix resurfacing from the ashes, screaming to every word written about him and his destiny, that here's is where this must ended.

Gif credit @itsokaysammy

And how glorious way to closed that hateful destiny. He rules his own path. He says "ENOUGH!" To those demons, but also, to his past with them. We won't come back to those black days. He even saw his prison guard, Lucifer, died in front of him. The victory is by his side.

This path of self knowledge and self acceptance is about to end. He's not anymore this guy with so many regrets and so many incomplete desires. He even had the opportunity of reconciliation with his mother, that profund wound, healing with forgiveness.

Jack from son of Lucifer to son of Kelly Kline

What a most impossible changing destiny Jack had. The living son of Lucifer itself. What a dark path was extended in front of him. The darkest panorama.

But nevertheless... He wasn't only Lucifer's son, he was also Kelly Kline's son.

Kelly Kline erased that dark path, and brought a new one, full with kindness and love, to his son.

He's part of this family now, he was filled with goodness and firm ideas about what is worth to fight for. And he's is the youngest warrior, but not the less brave.

He even visited his grandparents and meet them. Was the reaffirmation of his human roots, his good roots, and that was huge for his self knowledge.

There's too much things for him to learn... Loosing his grace as a Nephilim was a new reborn, he's learning now how to growth again in self acceptance. But with all those dad's surrounding him, it wouldn't be so hard for him.

Castiel from Angel of the Lord to Winchester's Angel

This is an amazing transformation. And I wrote a lot of him and Dean in my other meta talking about the Breaking Jars and Slow Construction of Destiel Canon.

Here is the link

So... Everybody remembers our Badass Angel from the earliest seasons...

Both gorgeous gif credits @magnificent-winged-beast

Yes, this Angel of the Lord with a mission, with faith in the Sacred Oath and in God, with a thousands of brothers, one of the best soldiers in Heaven, changed everything for humanity. For the Winchester Family. He rewrite his Oath, traslating his faith for God, to Dean and Sam. But mostly, to Dean.

All of his bad decisions, taken with good intentions, brought him to depressed states, and always self recriminations.

As I said before, being human was cataclysm for him, and after that, being useful for the battle, slowly twisted to being just there, for his family.

In season 13 we witnessed the huge improvement of the character, if this season wasn't applicable the Phoenix Complex to Castiel, I don't know then where tu put it. Castiel started being dead, facing himself in the Darkness, and by the end of the season, he literally killed his old him, AUCastiel, the Cas that never met the Winchesters, who never fell for love.

Because he had lost everything for them, for Dean, but he also won everything with them.

And in season 14 we're in front of this Castiel. He knows where he belongs, he knows he's part of the Winchesters. And he accepts that without regrets.

IDK you guys, but I see him more human, and emotional. IDK if this bc he misses his human, or bc he IS becoming human by feeling himself as a human...

Dean, from Righteous Man to a man who must love himself

And here we're, at this point with "What do you want, Dean?" Season.

This is the most complex character of the series. Our beloved constipated hunter, needs a lot of breaking to reach the new Dean.

He has this distorted imagen of himself in which he's the Patriarchal protector, some kind of kamikaze who is willing to die and sacrifice himself as many times as necessary for his family and for save the world. He thinks he's expandable, he almost hates himself, for trying again and again to be someone he is not. To fullfil all expectations his father put on his shoulders. He must be the strong, macho, righteous man in charge of his family.

That's why I feel Michael's Possession and the new mark in the non Destiel mark shoulder, will be two strong expositions of what Dean really wants. He must learn, after so many "deaths", to accept who he's, accept what he really want inside and accept himself, then and once for all, he'll be able to love and be able to recognize that his family loves him in return. Bc he is important for them. He matters.

This is Dean's exposure season, in all the aspects. He must to look himself in the mirror, and be honest. Breaking free from his emotional prison. Is time for him to feel loved, to started to love himself, to truly love their family in a healthy way, and to love his angel without shame. I know, it looks like a long journey... But he's getting there.

Closing circles at the end of the journey

To conclude, I want to share this beautiful quote.

"And what if a piece of wood discovers that it's a violin?"

A. Rhimbaud

This is the end of every journey, to discover who are they for real. And accept and love themselves will make them free.

We are there with Sam, Jack, and Cas... We are waiting now for Dean to reach it.

As you have seen... We are almost there, I presume, after writing this meta with a little of melancholy, I could say we are arriving at the end. Of course I can be wrong, and the writers could make the cliffhanger an put reverse in every arc or just put pause, bc hey, I don't write the show, and this just are my thoughts about TFW in this story till now.

Ok! I have to make a big mention here bc @magnificent-winged-beast made those beautiful gif set from Season 4 "The rapture", and she had this accident with an electric storm and lost the work she was doing with the gifs I asked her for this meta especially, and she did it again, and she even didn't sleep the hours she should bc of this gifs and I'm so grateful with her... 😭 Your gifs are the best! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! 💖 You are awesome!!

You can share your opinions and debate, i'd love to read you!

I'm tagging some friends to discuss...

@emblue-sparks @magnificent-winged-beast @silvie111 @mrsaquaman187 @castiellover20 @lykanyouko @agusvedder @lovemesomecas94 @navajolovesdestiel

And everyone who wants to share!

Ja neeeeee!

Buenos Aires, October 23rd 2018 01:25 PM

[theblasianbarbie]

Hey amira I hope this isn't too personal but how did you start feeling comfortable about getting into relationships while dealing with depression? I've been dealing with depression since I was 16 and it's so hard to just even think about dating bc I still have suicidal ideations I don't want to hurt others or myself since I have years trying to heal. Dating is not one of my priorities rn but I worry that I'll always push everyone away in fear of getting hurt

tbh looking back on it like i deff didnt start dating until i was able to find a way to cope with my mental illness if that makes sense like i would /talk/ to boys like when i was 18-20 but like i never let anything get serious bc the boys were stupid lol and also this was always on the back of my mind like i definitely was always worried, even when it came to friends, how they’d feel once they saw the side of me that wasnt all jokes and fun.

i think one of the dangers of dating when youre not in the proper headspace is lashing out on the person and i havent done this with men ive had flings with from what i remember but ive done it to a few friends before. another danger is kinda like...idk like when i was really bad like 18/19 like i was upset when ppl didnt wanna be my friend anymore and looking back on it now, i definitely like now know why like its hard being friends with someone who refuses to see the good in themselves, like it’s draining to help someone who doesnt want it. like me now, having experience with people who were like me when i was 18/19 i definitely get why some friendships ended bc it has to be a two way street--you have to want to get better, you have to want to understand yourself and be nice to yourself and your friends/partner needs to understand your mental health as well and you have to communicate about it and talk about how to effectively work together so neither of you feel isolated from each other.

if you havent already, i highly recommend going to a therapist to aid you in like effectively confronting your mental illness. like i didnt really get involved in anything serious now that i think about it until i actually looked inside myself and like began to sort things out. granted, this is all easier said than done, like 6 years ago i probably wouldnt believe i would make it this far in regards to my mental health, my experience with romantic endeavors, and so on.

my depression and anxiety were awful when i was 15/16, so...it took me 6 years to get this confident and to believe myself to be beautiful and intelligent and worth it. it took me 6 years to stop being mean to myself. That’s a long time. But its all baby steps and like...like i said, 16 year old amira wouldnt have thought she’d make it past 19. Like right now im doing things i didnt think id be capable of doing--simple things, like going around without makeup, riding the train by myself, going to concerts by myself, INITIATING conversation (that was always a big one for me, it was so hard for me when i started college), etc. etc. It takes a long time but after a while, you’ll notice how much progress you’ve made <3 

[missfitartistar]

I'm a real Energy balancing Coach.. A real Energy Worker, a REAL Mother, A REAL person w REAL feelings, I have REAL TRAUMA & HARDSHIPS ( IM HEALING Myself) AND IM A REAL DRAMATIC ENTERTAINER. I AM ALSO A REAL PROMOTER OF MEDIA AND MUSIC( ENERGY).. I SING & DANCE.. THATS PART OF MY OWN LIFE WORK & THERAPY. IVE ALSO BEEN ABUSED, INSULTED, BULLIED, HARRASASED AND Ignored BY PEOPLE WHO ARE SOM FAM AND WAS A FEW FRIENDS. I USUALLY DO ALOT TO LOOK OIT FOR PEOPLE AND TRY TO HELP THEM HAVA BETTER LOFE BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I USED TO. I KEEP A VERY SMALL CIRCLE BY CHOICE. I HAVE A VERY FEW FRIENDS BC I KEEP TO MYSELF ABD I DONT LYK DRAMA OR CHAOS OR I TRUSIVR TYPES OF PEOPLE. IM CHILL..IM COOL.. IM ALSO TIRED LF ALOTTA PEOPLE IN SOCIETY WHO WRONGED ME.. SO I PREFER TO SOCIAL DISTANCE MYSELF FROM SHITTY ACTING PEOPLE WHO FUCK W MY PEACE, MY STATE OF MIND, OR MY FLOW. I DID THAT FOR MANY YEARZ, LET SOME PEOPLE MAKE IT AND SOME PEOPLE WAS UNAVOIDABLE.

I SPACED from the ones who treated me insensitively, harshly, horribly.. that's why I am feeling so much better Now. I pray for them and hope they get better.. But I don't always wish them all the best. I'm a BITCH. I WANA SEE THE ROTTEN PEOOLE FALL INTO A FIERY PIT OF HELL. 🔥GOD / KARMA will Handle it. I am Literally disgusted and sick of shitty people running around acting Lyk they are anyone of Actual Value. More Lyk Mentally distinct White trash(mostly white) If their life doesn't get better that's their OWN DAMN FAULT. DONT COME ROUND ME ASKING FOR HELP, TALKIN YO SHIT, OR ACTING LYK YOU CARE ONCE I GET MONEY THRU MY ACTUAL PERSEVERANCE & HARDWORK, I SO DEARLY DESERVE.

I don't let small minds, BULLIES or HATERS keep me in their little Bitch BOX.

I sing a wide variety of music and some of it people won't Lyk.. I dance however I want.. yet gotta hear shit from people who are contrived and hipocritical. Sometimes I twerk a little & I have alotta fun doing so. Sometimes I've done it in parking lots or by the side of the road for many yearz.. some people actually Lyk it. I'm into HIP HOP & GANGTA RAP ALOT., Yet ALSO ALOTTA OTHER MUSIC AND THATS ALL PART OF MY WORK. IDGAF WHO LYKS IT OR NOT. THATS NOT MY FUCKIN PROBLEM OR MY FUCKIN BIZNESS TO WORRY BOUT WHAT' ANYONE ELSE LYKS. I ALSO DO A WIDE VARIETY OF MEDIA, ENERGY WORK, ART AND ALSO DANCE. NOT A STRIPPER NEVER HAVE BEEN. NOT A GANGSTA OR INTO GANGSTA LIFESTYLE. IM ACTUALLY VERY WELL SELF EDUCATED AND THE MUSIC HELPS ME FROM FALLIN ON MY FACE FROM DEPRESSION THEZE CRAZY PEOPLE HAVE CAUSED ME. It's what I've been working on for many yearz. Yet I'm not sharp or on point bc I haven't had time or space to myself to focus on my work!!!! This makes me fucking MAD. 🤬

I'm TIRED of the RUDE NOIZE COMIN OUTA PEOPLES, GODANG INSENSITIVE FUCKIN MOUTHS.

I'm tired of chaos, drama, loud mouth people. I'm. Tired of liers, Theives, No call no shows, with anything I have planned to do that's for my life, promote my work or gain income or partime employment.l to stabilize my life.

I don't wana go to jobs.. I wana do my own fucking work which is extensive, I've planned for yearz, but I don't have the right space, place to live or studio I need to do so yet. I HAVE TO MAKE THEZE POSTS BC PEOPLE WHO DONT KNOW ME HAVE TRIED TO DESTROY MY LIFE, GET A PIECE OF ME, TAKEN UP MY ENERGY OR TIME, INTRUDED ON MY WORK, MY PEACE, TRIED STOP ME FROM Having a PEACEFUL HOME, & DOING MY OWN WORK, WHILE THEY ARE Actually LOW LIFE TRASH.. SOME OF THEM. AND SOME ARE JUST MENTALLY CONFUSED OR DESPERATE LIL BITCHES. KARMA WILL COME ROUND AND FLIP YOUR ASSES LYK TACOS.. on Tuesdays.

You people NEED HELP. REAL SELFHELP. THATS WHAT MY CHANNEL IS ABOUT. TO HELP People who caint get it right. Learn to be better more balanced people so I can get some Peace and do my OWN work without conflict or people TRYINA push me around or make me their house bitch. I expect Respect and I'm gonna get it or I won't be around you whoever you are. I Lyk to be around COOL, CALM, COLLECTED, RESPECTFUL (TO MY WORK) PEOPLE. NOT INSANE, INSULTING, MENTALLY DERANGED, FUCKTARDS W NO GODANG SENSE.

IM THE COACH. THATS THE WAY IT IS ITS SO OTHER PEOPLE CAN LEARN ALOTTA THINGZ. IM WAY BEHIND BC OF What EVERYONE FUCKING DID WRONG!!! IVE MADE THOUSANDS OF POATS AND ALSO VIDEOS FOR MANU YEATZ WITH NO APPRECIATION OR SUPOORT FOR MANY YEARZ!! I HAVE A WIDE VARIETY OF VIDEOS PLANNED FOR THAT IN THE FUTURE.I CAN ONKY TAJE ONE DAY AT A TIME. THE ISSUES I JAVE TO WORK AROUND ARE SOME TIMES EXTRA REDICULOUS AND EXTRA STESSFUL!!!! I DO MY BEST NEVERTHELESS, ALL I ASK IS IF YOU LYK MY CONTENT. IF I HAVE HELPED YOU.. SHARED YOUR CONTENT, TOOK YOU PLACES, CLEANED FOR YOU, HELPED YOU RAISE YOUR KIDS, WORKED, COUNSELED YOU, OR YOU WRONGED ME OR TOOK FROM ME, YELLED AT ME OR THREW ME OUT When I WAS TRYINA HELP YOU, N Everyone ELSE GET A BETTER BALANCE & LIFE THRU ALL MY POSTS, HARDSHIPS, KINDNESS, CARE AND SELFCARE - WORK. ALL I Ask YOU TO DO. JUST TIP ME ON THE TIP JAR ONCE I FIGURE OUT HOW TO ADD IT OR CASHAPP ME AT ( MISSFITARTIST )

Bc I'm in HARDSHIPS bc of all the crazy shit y'all keep that shit away from me. CAPISCHE assholes + bitches.(payup or just fuckoff)

I accept TIPS !!! MY WORK MATTERS. MY ENERGY MATTERS!!!! I DONT ACCEPT INSULTS!!!

Be nice. #Dontbehatin or #fuckoff

Thanks, Hava life you deserve.

#peace #selfcarewarrior #loveandlght #allenergymatters #entertainer #rapper, #singer, #dancer #intuitivebalancecoach #energyartist #realitycheck

[aceyanaheim]

Okay like I don't have a lot bc I Just finished KLA ( absolutely recommend it you will cry but it's okay cause I'll cry with you lol) but it's very much taking the premise of "child is living Alone and no one knows" and putting Logan in Kotaros place. Bombay would be the "depression incarnate adult who becomes the primary caretaker of the kid by ways he himself still wonders about" and take Karinos place bc who else lmao.

At first I was thinking that Bombay Alex and maybe some of the Ducklings can be put as neighbors ( since in KLA it's an entire neighborhood Noticing ..."y'all that's a child" lmao) but I can also see it set up in the Ice Palace.

But basically Logan lives alone ( maybe his dad left and didn't ce back maybe both his parents left and Something Happened idk)and has been taking care of himself well enough he sorta flies by without people noticing Until Gordon notices. Most likely because Logan is constantly offering to help out and following Gordon around and Gordon eventually notices "oh somethings up" and also Alex notices too and operation "lets raise this actual child" is a go. Gordon goes along with Logan hanging around being just to help him and just sorta starts making sure the kid gets to school and back safe and suspiciously bring around when Logan has to buy food I admittedly lose the plot a bit after that

Alex helps Gordon understand Feelings because I love him but it's not always his strong suit lol.

There would also be some of Gordon healing his own inner child as he helps Logan unlearn that asking for help and having people take care of you isn't something to be punished/feel bad about since A) "let's get stronger together" is a theme in KLA and B) it fits in nicely with Gordon canonically having to take care of his mother after his father dies when he's young enough to be in peewees and learning similar "lessons" as Logan from it.

That's all I have so far but I wanted to share.

Not me watching Kotaro Lives Alone and thinking what if Logan Larue au

Tagging @thearchivistonmars bc she's the only other Logan fan I know lol