#''wtf this changed me forever'' im happy to hear that

[teabutmakeitazure]

love waking up and seeing emails from ao3 about some poor reader losing their mind in the comments

[ignisregina]

Do you have any ships for Marianne or Daighre? If you do, would you like to gush about them?

i woke up to this (two days ago lol) and was like 'whoa don't give me too much platform about this topic' hahaha

okay just IM GIVING YOU ONE LAST CHANCE TO BACK OUT lol no too late for that. this isn't just romantic ships but also friendships because uwu i love it when someone adopts marianne.

aight so fiiiirst, @dcwnthercbbithcle IDK MAN, I THINK WE'VE BEEN FOLLOWING EACH OTHER FOREVER why did we just talk now coz Fiadh and my baby just clicked together so well. i'm always super happy to find muses that are involved in the cycle one verse coz i think marianne is somehow a different person back then living a different life altogether. it's a pretty confined life, yes, and that's why i'm so happy she has fiadh aka literal force of nature. i think bunni just knows how to talk to me coz we just keep yelling back and forth at each other about daighre and fiadh and it's all fun and games until your bestie chooses to kick the bucket on you after all you've been through - literal lore getting written because of their shenanigans, going through a war and grief, balancing their domains and friendship together, and then she's gone and you have to go through your long lame life alone. and the best part is meeting again in the future and knowing things have changed between them but they're kinda clinging to some semblance of the past, one because she remembers, the other coz she does not. HAVE YOU SEEN THE LONG HEADCANONS BUNNI WRITES FOR THEM I CANNOT I AM CRY

next is allie. i'm so thankful for @wildcxrds for being marianne's first bestie when she got back in the rp scene. i love this because they share the same element - fire - but have veeery different dispositions. where marianne is temperamental, allie is patient. where marianne is quick to anger, allie is all patience. and extra points because allie is an orphan and yet she's the one who sort of adopted marianne. anyway, i'm so glad i'm seeing you around again! excited to write with you once more!!!

@cfgcdsandmcnsters's malakai. this guys should be a lesson to all that when you say "sEnD shIppY meMes EvEn if wE DoN'T hAVe A shIP" WILL GET YOU A MEME AND A SHIP AHAHAHA. oKAY BUT FIRST LET ME SAY THAT LILA IS LITERALLY THE BEST HGJSFGJSHDFGJHG SO AMAZINg. I'm so terribly sorry Marianne isn't as creative as Malakai and all she can come up with is a dumb nickname while she gets something poetic AF ahahahaha. I'm sorry what, i can't hear you over eventide sun HAHAHAHA. he's sooo gentle with her and it kinda annoys her? like 'wtf you can't always put me first, mal'. never thought marianne would ever hang out in a punk club but what can we do...

@vihilum and i one day jumped on discord and just planned the entire dynamics of reed and marianne and HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? OH yes because i randomly doodled a thing and bam! ship. anyway, i know you're not here a lot but i just want to say anyway that i loved what we talked about and your enthusiasm for their dynamics. your demon child reed will always have a home in marianne whenever your guys are back.

and you're last @heksery because i can (no because you have two, wtf that's illegal). this is funny coz we were both out of tumblr when it happened, there were memes before there were even ships, and honestly, the ships happened because of the memes. ironically, i haven't finished the meme that started this. it's not much but i will finish it anyway otherwise i will feel like i've tricked u into doing this HAHAHAHA. i think i once said their trope is found family but how to unfind them HAHAHA i love that Marianne gets some degree of pass from jules and pat HAHAHAHA

if you've heard of fun's some nights "coz i could use some friends for a change", i guess that's her thing with jules especially. like, does she fully trust jules? no, but she's not looking for someone who will 100% not stab her in the back and who has a shiny moral compass. she's there for jules' strength and no-nonsense attitude and her begrudging way of showing love because, i think, at the back of her mind marianne knows she has also this begrudging way of accepting love. if jules wants to take care of people but she doesn't wanna admit it, marianne wants to be taken care of but HAHA she doesn't recognize it either so jules can insult her and she can angrily accept.

idk what she liked about patrick. he's hot? but yeah no kidding, it's probably that plus the swag and power and his hair lol. that's soooo sexy to her but also annoying AF. and your boi can't resist egging her on and she can't resist wanting to take him down a notch but they have to watch their tempers because it's either breaking the bed or breaking the house probably. just like with jules, i don't think marianne would ever admit it but she feels safe in his presence because she knows he could take her attitude and he could also take her on - in a banter, in a fight, in *ahem* other stuff - like in terms of power he can match her. so it's basically the touch her and you die but also touch him and you die so just let me scream quietly in my corner thanks

haha oh well i think that's all. i probs said too much, but hey, you asked XD I just wanna thank everyone who puts up with me about this ahahaha *sinks back to the sea*

[thegeminisage]

back at it with zelda. i GOT THE FREAKY KOROK SEED!!! thank u always to cathy 4 bailing me out <3

i'm almost thru with this little pocket next to the mountain...it'll be sooo nice to have it checked off

i tried making a "better" bike i saw on a youtube tutorial, one perfectly aligned. mine lists a bit so i thought it would be good. but idk...firstly idk if i did it right but seciondly the steering is more sensitive but almost TOO sensitive. ive gotten very used to the other one!! so im keeping both in my favs for now.

YOOOO its dinraal...oh god i wanna chase her soo bad but i have my path marked so perfectly and idw give up my bike.......

is there NOTHING inside the eldin great skeleton? not even monsters?? that's so lame

...

hold on a second.

okay i checked and no gloom hands either. so wtf??

like a whole korok seed. great.

the new bike also like. struggles more carrying koroks. it's more sensitive to everything, including the weight imbalance. i do like the turning! but.

THERE'S ZELDA.......damn it all i'm too close to quit even for this..........

LMAOOOOO i found some of those zonai guys training in their underpants. inCREDible. i almost flew right past it but i saw the tent and doubled back

and then i was like well no one's here guess i'll keep going...and then i heard them and found them. this is so FUNNYYYY

right side of the map IS DONE! except for kakariko lol. look how beautiful:

kakariko, a little quest stuff, a few stray bosses, but overall clear. i'm happy. fuck having to go back to that labyrinth tho.

what now...? i guess i could at least report back to purah. i have to sleep soon but a little bit as a treat. i don't need to go to kakariko or anywhere underground yet

oh shit no more cheerful music!!

i was looking forward to seeing how it all changed but there's doom and gloom (not literal) in the air

everyone is staring at the castle and saying zelda is there. yikes. maybe i don't wanna be here after all LMAO

well, it's probably just a cutscene. despite a strong sense of foreboding i will look into the telescope

DAYTIME BLOOD MOON???? GIRL HELP

AAAAAA ITS THE FAKE.........

oh she looks sad :( it wouldve fooled me......

oh man the botw hyrule castle theme coming in...

wtf wtf the lookout landing music changed to minor key and there's strings in the back?! this rules. i can hear the hyrule castle music in this too..........

i wish link could just EXPLAIN that he knows zelda is a dragon. everyone all worried about her and looking for her but he and i both know exactly where she is, we should be researching dedraconification!! sigh this game sometimes

i don't get it...she wants me to just go to the castle...what about the fifth sage...

i mean if this is how you do it, fine, but if i need to be heading to kakariko instead...but i cant look it up without spoilers...AUGH

ok, this is a problem for tomorrow me. i could listen to this new lookout landing song forEVER tho. wow <3

[hcuyk]

hii hii im way to new at interacting with blogs i follow to take off anon but anyways…

i really want to branch out and start writing again, it was something i used to do frequently but like got made fun of yk how it goes.

do you have any tips for writing ? i really enjoyed reading the kidult story which made me want to ask you for advice on writing anything helps ! 😵‍💫

hi anon! this is such an old ask that i've responded to in my drafts??? but never posted because it was too long, so now i decided i'll rewrite my response and post it this time!

i hate to hear that you've been made fun of wtf 😭 i will FOREVER throw fists at those people

although i doubt you may see this after Years, i think others may benefit from this!

ADVICE ON WRITING:

something i always recommend is rewrite, not revise! your final draft should look nothing like your first draft (in my opinion). when i write out my first draft, it's a mess—from writing only dialogue that comes to mind to reusing the same verbs over and over again—and that's perfect! then when you rewrite, that mess becomes more clear:

you notice more plot holes

the more you rewrite, the more the scene expands and you have a better idea of what's happening, from reactions to what's happening in the background

as much as its time consuming, i did it with every scene in kidult! in fact, for those who don't know me or my blog as well may not know this, but hyunjae's/myungho's mom was never meant to be the villain until i rewrote and thought more about every scene!

or for my headline fans, if you read the first chapter, it's kind of implied that haknyeon was supposed to be the second-love interest, but that changed drastically the more i wrote (cause how tf did i end up with qhak 😭)

for me and my writing, the story truly writes itself :]

another big tip is do NOT be afraid of scraping scenes! as much as it hurts, it can really put you in writer's block. maybe the scene you wanted to happen is not meant to be in your fic ^^ set the scene aside as an alternative and come up with another idea

my examples of this is with kidult's happy ending. my last scene that i have written made me stop, and i've dropped it ever since because i've been so busy and it became less of a priority. half a year later i realized i need to drop it and write something else, and that revived my motivation!

those are the big two that help me out a lot. my writing has definitely improved but not as much as it could have within the past two years because i've been focused on nearly everything else, so if you can, try and write daily! even if it's only 100 words. sometimes those ideas will resurface and you'll be thankful you already had an idea accumulating ^^

thank you for stopping by and asking this question! it means the world to know that there are people who admire(?) my writing, even if i myself can't see anything special :( if there's any other tips people want to give me, i would also greatly appreciate it! just like everyone else, i am always looking forward to improving as well

i think i also always had a fixation on numbers back then, from instagram views and followers to likes on tweets and then likes on tumblr posts, but right now i'm breaking that down because i know i will always have people supporting me, even if it's a close friend or family member, so never be shy with posting your works! if anyone also wants to recommend stories, whether it be someone else's or your own, absolutely send them my way!

i'm sorry this is so long, but i hope this helps anyone who needs it :] <3

[indigo474]

Dec 9th-

I started taking pictures towards the end of my run yesterday. Interval running- i forgot i was still running. i guess those feel good chemicals were flooding my body because it was like i was seeing things for the first time. sometimes that's how it goes. you can see something forever and then one day something inside changes and suddenly it's like you are seeing it for the first time.. I haven't looked at the pictures yet but i have a feeling the camera didnt do the beauty of the moment justice.. My music refuses to play.. it of course decided to stop playing.. i still had my head phones in and i heard someone or something whisper in my left ear... i'm not sure what was said.. start/stop something.. i'm not a hearing type of person..occasionally.. mostly i am visual.. it kind of scared me..maybe not scared.. more like a wtf.. weird thing happened between me and Madison.. I was thinking something and she said exactly what i was thinking.. as i was thinking it.. I really need to pay attention to these things because i think it happens more than i realize.. anyway.. could the whisper been coming through my headphone.. absolutely..

I love slow mornings.. my mom called me last night.. she wants me to come over for Christmas. Madison will be working, which is a whole thing but im not sure why because her and i agreed thanksgiving would be our main holiday and we would both work christmas and be together christmas eve.. all of this has happened and is happening but for some reason there is a problem. Anyway my Mom wants to know if i am OK.. are you ok are you ok are you ok.. the holidays are hard.. i feel happy.. i'm in a good place.. will i be ok on Christmas day.. yep..everyday is hard.. i miss my kids everyday.. it could be a random tuesday.. December 25th is 1 day on the calendar.. it's going to come,it's going to go.. i've had to let go of how i think that day should be...Will I feel a certain way on Christmas? I dont know.. I do know that however i feel on that day or any day that i will be ok.

I am getting another rep and one gave is resignation yesterday. I knew this wasnt his forever thing.. he said some wonderful things about me in his letter.

Madison told me i am her favorite person. so cute. she went to the doctor for a leg cramp. the doctor told her she eats like crap. she's trying again.

December is a fast month.. fast moving. everyone has so much to do. AND yes, people get weird. depressed, stressed. it's kind of weird to me. I carry no hate in my heart.. for anyone. i have moments when i feel hate for X- i also feel sorry for him as i imagine being him is punishment.. his soul is black. but yeah- no hate. i do wonder if he will ever really get what he deserves. that is not up to me.

[ay-wants-vodka]

I HAVE FINALLY MADE MY LEGITIMATE DESIGN FOR LASERBLAST U BET UR ASS IM GOING TO MAKE A COMPLAIN POST

For now, have art of power levels taken too seriously au

Read more if you wanna hear my borderline crack thesis regarding how levelling up effects ur physique in the au

If you’ve ever attempted weight lifting/exercising in hopes of gaining muscles before getting such hopes crushed because you learn the hard way that your weak little body needs a fuck ton of effort and strenuos training because muscles take harder to build especially when you’re at the newbie beginning part.

Essentially, ‘the first step is the hardest’ is a yeah no shit sherlock when it comes to gaining muscles.

Unless, you my forever beloved reader, by some cob forbid means, have a mesomorph body type. Aka you’re built different and god had a bias towards you, therefore you naturally have a high muscle to fat ratio, therefore you gain muscle relatively easier than others.

BUT you also lose muscle as quickly as you gain but I don’t need that right now so I’m gonna tuck this bit of information under the dustbin.

So there I was, going ,“huh so there was a possibility of people in the au to have the ability to easily gain muscle as they level up (or if they were a villain; level down)”

But then I was brutally punched square in the face as I remembered changing body types was impossible.

So I went ‘fuck you science this is my au and I can bribe the President of the Universe™️ to rewrite science. So from here on out, this is all fictional, sorta.

With that, I continued studying though and found that it was possible that thoughts controlled our body, in fact, they influence our bodies directly (this part’s legit btw).

Negative thoughts genuinely fuck up your body because your brain would go, “oh fuck why are you sad nonono” and then it’d deplete all those happy chemicals out of panic and damage your immune system instead. (still legit scientific study)

Vice versa if you’re feeling happy (okay these parts are all legit studies wtf past me why'd you put that disclaimer aout this being the ‘fictional science’ part where I mess around and defy science only to contradict yourself. Now I HAVE to keep these in because it’s funny).

Your brain would see you being happy and as a response, it releases endorphins and gamma globulin (which strengthens your immune systems). And these are all based on your thoughts, feelings and expectations.

Then I went hmm. Thoughts. Thoughts.

Ex p e c ta t i o n s ?

*Lightbulb forms above my head comically as I piece together shit*

Fundamentally, in this au, power levels are entirely based on your morality. Which is funny now that I think of it because its name is VERY misleading now.

In spite of that, it could make sense to say that people in the past misunderstood what the numbers on their wrist stood for and since those with higher numbers seem to be stronger, they’d make such assumptions and now everyone’s just stuck with calling them power levels even when it’s not definitionally accurate and modern science has proven it wrong.

NOW this is the entirely fictional part.

What if the more genuine, more passionate, more determined you are in serving justice and providing peace to the community, would make your mind go, “oh man. This is an important and risky duty to take. Gotta be prepared” and slowly you gain a more mesomorphic structure to ensure your safety.

Vice versa for villains yaddee yadda brain goes “mmm cant wait to be a menace to society gotta make sure I’m prepared mwahaha”

AND THEN I WAS LIKE WAIT

GLORBS

glorbs wouldn’t fuck with your morality but definetly messes with your physical strength/powers.

And this can have a bad long term effect because having your brain and body disagree is… not the best.

Glorbs would boost your body strength but your brain would get confused because that’s not supposed to happen since your morals are still where they were. Your brain would perceive the situation as stressful, however that is entirely contradictory.

And I’m not talking about your consciousness cause you know what you’re doing, I’m talking about TAHT brain that releases funny chemicals.

So not only would a glorb power up, or ‘going turbo’, be physically exhausting once the boost is over, it is mentally exhausting too.

Hey professor maybe you shouldn't let Fink use that too much cough scoffs coucgh cough coughc *contracts tuberculosis*

And after this I thought about Laserblast’s downfall.

This would mean he had to put in more and more effort into training and spend more hours hitting the gym to maintain the same structure in an attempt to avoid suspicion. His body loses its mesomorphic form as his morality becomes muddied, and since he’s not being honest and genuine about his current state, that piles up on the already decreasing numbers on his wrist.

The poor man

It’d make even more sense for him to centre his biological studies around glorbs; the only thing that is capable of increasing his physical attributes without messing with his principles.

(Now this is interesting because his brain would be even more confused as to why he is gaining more power DESPITE a decrease in his morality. Eventually leading to even MORE of an emotional burnout)

Desperation only digging him into a deeper pit.

This experience must’ve made Venomous associate lifting weights and strenuous exercise with severe stress to uphold an image. Instead, he’d just stick with doing nerd biology shit in the lab amd just sell stuff and be a dedicated capitalist.

As a consequence, it’d be understandable that he isn’t anywhere as muscular as he is now even if he’s a -7, which is a level away from being the mirror opposite of a level 8 on the morale scale.

To clarify, I’m not saying he’s a completely muscleless twig, just not as much in comparison.

EXHALES

Okay there you go. That’s all I have to say. I placed science in this au. Put an ‘R’ in the comments if you’ve read thru this shit. It means we are married.

[vegetalass]

If you come back to this, would you consider doing hcs for the rdr2 boys coping with bad breakups? 👀🙈💖👉👈😳

I love your stuff btw! Hope the hiatus is going well and you're having fun being absorbed into new fandom stuff <3

JSKajhdhajfskhjdkajsh AHHHHHHHHHHH YOU ARE TOO SWEET WTF🥺🥺So I just went ahead and wrote this request for you LOOOOOL😎💘😳🤠

even tho I would still say I’m on hiatus.... I was just thinking about Mister Arthur Morgan today and how much i want to sit on his lap and hug him and kiss his cheeks and hold his face against my chest.... So I figure this is as good a time as any to write some stuff for rdr2...

Plus... I really am happy about the fact that people like my work enough to still send me asks!!! I miss the rdr2 fandom a lot tbh because as I’m sure you all have been know... The bnha fandom is a little..... wack tbh..... But regardless, I am having as much fun as i possibly can under the circumstances!!! Theres a lot of good content there... 

and just in case u like bnha... you can actually find me at @ihatebnha if you want to read any of my current BNHA stuff (tho im sorta taking a break there too temporarily). Either way, even if you don’t, i appreciate u all for sticking with me and I MISS U GUYS so i hope this does u all some justice!

anyway... i hope this is what you were looking for because I LOVE UUUUUU!! ENJOY💚🧡❤️

-

Arthur

First of all………. If you break up with Arthur I personally will come beat you up

Secondly….

Honestly, he probably just goes completely numb

He doesn’t have the emotional stability or strength to handle unpacking how or why it’s happening

You ask to break up with him and his soul leaves his body and he’s just “Ok.🙂Whatever you think is best, baby.”

And that’s the end of it. Won’t even let you explain.

This means don’t prank him by pretending to break up with him either because you’ll accidentally kill him

Like he genuinely probably thinks that he deserves whatever it is that made you want to break up with him and that there’s really nothing he can do to feel better about it

Even if was just something like, long distance problems or needing a break

This also hurts so badly because I feel like… getting to the point where Arthur even wants to date you takes FOREVER… He really really needs to trust and love the person who he’s with…

And so to see them leave would just break his heart up into pieces and he wouldn’t be able to handle that all over again

He just… becomes a ghost

Anyone from the gang even mentions it or asks how he is and he just tells them he’s fine and doesn’t need to talk about it

Even if he really is aching deep down… He just can’t bring himself to talk about it because it still doesn’t make any sense to him

And honestly, he just doesn’t want things to hurt any more than they already do by acknowledging them or facing them head on

So he just submits to it all being his fault, it was the right thing to do, that you’re happier without him, etc. and permanently shuts himself off

If you left him, that would be the absolute final straw and he would just throw himself into his work and never look back

And honestly wouldn’t even notice if someone else was making moves on you, that’s how out of it he is.

You wouldn’t even notice something was wrong unless you TRULY knew Arthur

He’s a tough cookie

John

John is the guy who acts like he’s fine if anyone sees him but cries 24/7 when he’s alone

If anyone asks him about it he’s like “I don’t care, it’s fine and I respect their decision… I’m a man, not a baby.”

But the truth is…. Sir… You ARE baby

Honestly…. He’s just saying all that so people don’t really know how much he’s hurting or think he’s weak and try to help

And in a modern setting, Abigail, Arthur, Hosea, anyone really, can’t go to his apartment because he’s lost all motivation to take care of himself

Dishes piled up, laundry everywhere, he’s been wearing the same pajamas for a week, his trash is full of microwave meal packages… It’s just so fucking bad

Single Man Shit

Probably goes through bouts of rage too

Was he not good enough? Did you think you weren’t good enough? Was it the fact that he has Abigail and Jack? Is he too ugly for someone pretty like you?  

It’s in these moments that he starts throwing stuff around and kicking chairs and whatnot

I imagine it’s all pretty nonviolent but he still just wants to make a mess to release all that pent up frustration

But he always just ends up on the floor or in bed crying again because he really doesn’t understand what went wrong since he was trying so hard to be a good partner

He wanted to be good for you :(

At least to make up for what he did to Abigail

Probably a couple months after the breakup he starts feeling better…

Picks his laundry up and does the dishes and starts to open up to the gang again

He’s definitely still sad when he thinks about it all… But he knows he’ll get over it as long as you seem happy from afar

If any of the other boys from camp try to make a move on you, he does his best to ignore it… Knowing it’s not his place to speak for you anymore, even if seeing you with someone else does make him sad

And he probably takes some extra time to spend with Abigail and Jack, too

There’s really no one like your family (even if they’re chosen) to make you feel better in situations like this

(Especially since they went through the same thing as him BY him)

Karma’s a bitch, lol

Charles

Charles... My love….. My baby…….

He takes a while to fall apart because honestly, he’s just so confused

He definitely does not recover quickly, but of course, appears to function kind of normally

If anything, he just gets more quiet and distant than before, simply because he needs a lot of time and space to think about everything

And because looking at you hurts so badly

When you mention breaking up, he probably just stands up and walks away

And if you chase after him trying to explain, he’ll tell you that you don’t need to justify yourself, and that he just needs to be alone

However, deep down, he’s gutted and really just needs the space to process what you said and then calm down

He doesn’t want to face the gang, and possibly you, again, crying, hence why he doesn’t come back for a while, but he knows that he can’t just run away from everything

He never thought that you’d be capable of hurting him in the way that you did

And he wonders what the final straw that pushed you over the edge was

He definitely saw you staying together for a long time, and had a lot of ideas for your future, so the breakup was especially surprising and devastating for that reason alone

And he would probably never want to speak to you again

Not really because he hated you, but because it would be too emotional for him to be around you knowing you didn’t feel the same as him

And even though he’s okay with emotions, the gang just isn’t exactly the right space for him to deal with them

Though he probably eventually talks about it with Arthur after a couple months, once he finds another normal, and bonds with him over the shared experience

He would never be able to ask you this, but he wonders if the reason you left him was for the same reasons he’s shunned in society

I think that would hurt him the most… if you didn’t want to be seen with him in public

Even though he knows that it’s unlikely, since he didn’t want to hear your reasons for leaving, it’s something that he thinks about

Even if it would hurt him to see you with someone else, he wouldn’t do anything about it

And as always, he’d just stay quiet, watching

Micah

Micah blames you

Everything is your fault. Everything.

Oh, you want to break up with him? When he’s been so nice to you? So good? He’d literally do anything for you, and you’re not happy with that? You’re such an ungrateful bitch! Fuck you! He never even wanted to date you in the first place, so it’s your fault for making him love you. Sorry he tried soooo hard.  

Any semblance of sadness he feels about losing you turns to rage so quickly since he just really cannot fathom why you’d leave him

Genuinely thinks he’s the best boyfriend you’ve ever had and ever will

SIR…????

Despite his anger, he probably is sad deep down… He just doesn’t really recognize it as sadness in the first place

His chest aches when he thinks about you? His eyes sting and burn when he looks at you? His stomach hurts at any and every thought of you?

You’re just an ugly witch who wants him dead.

He has never felt any of these things before, and frankly, he hates feeling like this.

And absolutely refuses to admit to himself that maybe… MAYBE… he just misses you and wants you back…

Honestly though, you will never get word nor wind of this, and before long, he really just does start to hate you.

If you weren’t in the gang, and were ever in a situation where you saw him again, he’d try to make your life a hell.

He’d tease you in front of whoever you were with, talking about how he’s probably the best fuck you’d ever have and that “if you still wanted to fuck him,” he “wouldn’t blame you…” and might even think about it going at it on more time

In a modern setting, he’s definitely a hate fucking type of ex

And if he ever saw you with a new boy, he would probably try to lay some hands on them for even thinking about touching you

AND STILL doesn’t realize that this means he still loves you… But whatever

If you break up with him, guaranteed you’re probably never getting back together

Dutch

Dutch is a tough one… I feel like it really depends on how long you’ve been together, the reason why you want to breakup, and how much value he has for the you and relationship itself

I think he’d be more upset about a long term relationship ending than anything and he’d definitely try to argue with you about any of the problems you bring up

He definitely hits you with the, “you should’ve known what you were getting into,” which, honestly, is a pretty fair point

He doesn’t actually want you to leave him, though… He just doesn’t really want to change

Which is why the whole thing ends up being so T O X I C

But if he realizes that you are actually serious about breaking up, he isn’t above saying that he’ll put the work into fixing everything

Though that’s kind of a lie, since he’s mostly just saying it to get you to stay

If the argument gets too intense, he’ll let you walk away

But only because he’s going to brainstorm about how to get you back

I’m sure this is a given, but none of the other boys at camp are allowed to even think about getting close to you

It wasn’t so bad when you and Dutch were still together, but if he wants you back, everyone is a threat

Arthur and John are given direct orders to not even comfort you… And Dutch even tries to get Miss Grimshaw to be mean to you

At least so he can swoop in and save you… Thinking that you’ll run right back into his arms if no one except him is nice to you

Because that’s where you belong

If he doesn’t manage to succeed in winning you back, the moment he realizes that everything is over, he will 100% start ignoring you

And don’t put it past him to try show off the fact that he’s found someone new to fuck

Honestly, since he’s the leader, at this point, he’d probably just be looking for a good way to get rid of you

Nothing violent, just find a little brothel he can pop you in when the gang’s about to leave some random town

Seems like a good idea to him… Since if he’s not special, no one is.

Same reason why, if you cheat on him, you will never see the whites of his eyes again

Much less anyone from the gang

Kieran

To give Kieran some credit... He’s probably the most in touch with his emotions

He doesn’t respond very well to the breakup, just says okay and lets you walk away, but he’s not above accepting the truth and just crying about it for a while

First and foremost, you need to be happy, even if it means without him

Part of him wants to beg for you to stay so badly… Hold onto the bottom of your shirt and cry… But I know that he probably thinks he doesn’t deserve to and would be able to stop himself

Obviously, you know better than him about everything so why would you be wrong about breaking up?

His work definitely lags and he ends up spending more time with the animals than anyone else, but he’s okay at holding himself together

No one would even know he’s still suffering unless they talked to him about it

Which they don’t, really, and honestly he’s sort of glad, because it gives him a lot of time to think about everything

Which is why, even months after the breakup, if he hasn’t found someone new, he still thinks about what it would be like if you stayed

Daydreams about cuddling with you, about dancing with you, about brushing the horses with you, starting a family, everything…

He wishes it were his so badly

And so seeing you with another boy, especially if it were someone else at camp, would absolutely kill him

And yet, he’d still manage to keep it all to himself. Nothing but his greedy eyes left

Self esteem gone forever… He’d take you back in a heartbeat

Doesn’t help that the poor baby definitely gets clowned by Dutch and Micah about not being able to keep “a good fuck” around

It really hurts… But in the end, he knows they’re right  

Javier

Javier probably gets over everything the quickest out of all of the boys.

I just see him as having the most romantic experience out of all of them, so he understands how relationships (and breakups) work

His logic is, why would he want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with him?

Which makes getting over you faster than normal

Especially since, regardless of why you wanted to leave, he’s going to respect your wishes

Definitely a little peeved at first though because he thought things were fine between the two of you

He’s just not going to bother trying to get you to stay

Especially since he knows that he can be kind of flirty with people even when he’s with you

That being said, if he sees any of the other boys at camp trying to get with you, he’s going to be BIG MAD

First of all, he was there first, so they should know better than to touch someone else’s things

And second of all, it would just feels like they’re showing off the fact that you left him, rather than the other way around

But honestly, he probably wouldn’t care if you found a stranger to mess with. It’s not like they know your relationship history, and honestly, he knows it wouldn’t be fair if he were ever to find someone else he likes.

So he’s fine watching you run around

It’s only ever late at night, if it’s been a while since you’ve spoken to him, or he’s feeling lonely, that he thinks about what things would be like if you were still with him

He wonders what really made you leave, and if you were honest with him during the relationship

Overall, he’d be okay, but would definitely still be down to fuck if you ever wanted! You may not want to be with each other anymore, but it doesn’t change the fact you guys had some bomb ass sex

Sean

Sean is another boy who’s going to be a bit more angry than sad

That being said, he’s no where near as bad as Micah and knows that the anger comes from the sadness

He’s just extremely frustrated that things didn’t work out, and resents the fact that you didn’t even want to try and fix things with him

It’s not like he really blames you for that… But he wishes that he could

Especially since throughout it all, even now, he doesn’t actually hate you, and still wishes that you would come back

He’s knows his personality can be a little overwhelming, but he would’ve been willing to change if it made you happy!

But honestly, since he doesn’t need to anymore, everything about him just gets a bit… Worse

Constantly making a show of showing off for the other girls at camp, always trying to flirt with the girls at the saloon, talking the boys’ heads off about anything and everything…

Just to distract himself and prove that he’s doing fine… That you didn’t hurt him at all, and he doesn’t need you

But even he’s not all that convinced

If any of the other boys at camp start messing around with you, he’ll definitely start a fight with them, feeling like were just doing it to piss him off

He’d lose, though, and would end up just going to bed and crying.

If he saw you flirting with a stranger, he’d be equally as mad, but he probably wouldn’t do anything other than get super drunk in front of you to ruin the mood

Eventually he starts feeling more like himself, and it definitely helps if you don’t treat him weirdly, but he finds that he does still think of you when he sees cute married girls or children, wondering what he would’ve had if things didn’t go wrong.

Especially since he also gets teased by the gang for not being able to hold it down… Despite his constant talk

[seedleaflesssapling]

Ver 2.0? Turning Point?

I can't really identify to which point in my life that i started to doubt myself but im pretty sure that it was because of UP. Damn, that school, my uni. It do really have the ability to make you feel small; i was in a disadvantaged side when i entered it, you know. I was acquainted, no we did not really talked one-on-one, but i heard when we did introductions - Pisay, UP High, science comprehensive schools, Xavier University, who wouldn't be intimidated by that when you came from Col. Ruperto Abellon National School (who would know where that is? I was lucky enough for a teacher recognized it and my classmates be like 'ahhhhhh,' .....really?! I dont even know where xavier is, it just sounds cool). Another thing is that, i wasn't a stem shs graduate - a leverage(?) or excuse (?) that i always use for them to know that i am at disadvantaged side here, not their competitor, probably a NOBODY. They, being stem graduates, have capstone projects you never thought that they have at that age, but i would hear them saying that it was publish in this journal (whatever, idk the journals lmao, i dont even understand their studies 2nd lmao, but that was some smart shit you know, a shit that makes me feel pathetic for being too proud of my what? Correlational study from inconsistent surveys?!!! Wtf, wtf, wtf). But it was a very good peer pressure you know, i kinda turned it that way. Being left behind, being on the rock bottom, i have no other place to go but up. It wasn't the goal, like making or taking the top spot, i just need to survive.

Inevitably, the exams came. I had hard time adjusting chem but math was kind to me. Who would have thought that i would get two 1.0 at my math subjects for the first semester, the sem that i thought i would barely pass. I was even a CS for that sem. Who would have thought? Our first chemical engineering subject that involves computations was on the list the next semester and the first exam, out of 100 i got something like 20ish. WTF. THAT WAS MY FIRST FAILED EXAM. but no, never did cry but tears were flooding inside. So apparently, i have to focus more on this subject and i did. Some were still failing, but i raised my average up. We also had physics, my first ever physics. I really love physics that time or that sir rommel is just a very good professor. I got the highest score on our second LE, everybody else did fail. Small victories. Not that they lose, but i just won. But i heard one time they were talking about me re: passing the physics exam and even getting a high score. They were uhm.. a guy i really look up to cause his good, the other was a girl that idk but i think she didn't like me back then. They were friends but eventually the girl transferred uni because who cares why. i heard the guy saying something like sin.o gid na si franklin nga taas iya score man, maybe even worse than that, i still look up to the guy even until now. But wtf. I really took it in that time, like i wanted to cry but did not. With all that, i got a fair grade at physics. I still got 1.0 at maths that sem and even maintained being on the CS list. S M I L E. BECAUSE WE HAVE A MIDYEAR CLASS. VERY EXHAUSTING FOR SOMEONE WHO DONT WANT ANYTHING BUT JUST ADJUST, SURVIVE, AND FIND MEANING OF BEING A UP STUDENT. It was just one subject and it was math, but i got 2.0?!!! I have no excuse to that, i am very grateful for the family who accommodated me. After midyear class, i did got sick, it sucks, really sucks. I wanted to file an LOA for the next academic year, it is the only thing i can think of for me to go back on track (i haven't said that my parents pushed me to graduate with latin honor and i wanted to also for my resume to look good because everything else in me is effed up). I really wanted to pause and be free for a while but i also wanted to graduate on time (mostly because i want to give the bitches who dared to have expectations be put on my shoulders not the satisfaction, but the audacity to tell them 'i aint did it for ya') so i asked mama. THANK GOD, SHE DID SAY NA KUNG ANO LANG KAYA MO, AMO LANG DA IH 😭😭🤧🤧 so i enrolled, but went to school late, haven't attended the school opening but all is good. I did kind of reset, just enough for me to face school again.

Second year, it was fucked. I did really love coding on octave and doing sheets at ms excel though. On that year, we have formed the che 103 bagsak group. Together with two of my classmates on 103 and math 55, we became buddies after failing che 103 on the first LE, another 30 over 100 exam hahahahaha. We made bawi just enough for us to pass the subject hahahahahuhu. I have thermodynamics sub, i barely pass. Thank G na wala ko nag removal. If ever i did, i am so sure that i wont make it. My GWA for that sem was not enough for me to be a CS. Who cares? I still did, actually but mama was never been too pushy since then, even since after midyear, after getting that 2.0 grade from the only subject i am good at. Btw, my math 55 for first sem, second year, was 1.25. Not a 1.0 but still, it's good. Second semester that year was when pandemic hit so there's nothing much to tell. I was, sorry but i was really, glad to be away from school for a while, not until for a while became forever. Virtual university set-up was very hard. With too much from taking in whatever i see and hear on my surroundings, even just at home, everything is difficult. It is very hard to find motivation and discipline in studying when i was surrounded with people who do nothing. Even to this point i am writing, everyday is like a battle, but is mostly an internal one. Self vs self, a war no one knows who will win. So the confidence, the tower of knowledge i did build, exponentially went down. I did really well when i was in grade 10, i did my best that time and it can be seen at the achievements i had that year. Being consistently on top 1 the whole year, placing second on division MMC (even getting the highest score on the written elimination round for the whole cluster), doing well sa physics under maam andico, placings on cluster journalism competitions - it was like a record best, best record (?) Whatever. But it wasn't enough you know, i eventually came fourth like wtf. I had read from somewhere Newton saying like the two years when he did write the three laws of motion and the calculus stuff were the two best years of his life, and it kept me thinking that what if mine already passed? That it was when i was in high school?

But, back when i was in school, every time that i was belittling myself or even at random times that i would feel nervous for nothing, my classmates and close friends would say na:

Uno mo man ang Math, uno mo na na (it was a one or two time thing, what if chamba lang to???)

Ikaw man highest sa first le sa thermo (it was really an absolutely one time thing, i barely passed that sub)

Alam ka man sa physics (i was just invested on physics and maybe nachambahan lang na ang ginpractice ko solve kay parallel sa exam ni sir)

Alam ka, d ka lang confident (OKAY???!)

I was ignoring those shit cause who cares if i did really good that time. Yeah, it felt good but it wasn't fulfilling. Satisfied but not happy. But with recent events, i think i would be changing. This post will be a written contract that i will push to be better, to start trusting myself, and build that confidence glow behind me; to believe that i am bright and i can hack it, whatever it may be.

For coherence, i would itemize na lang all of the events that brought me to epiphany lol

It was Friday, 17 Sep, when Dean, in our plant design subject, gave an activity for us - to come up with solutions that would address problems he presented. 1 off grid island community (either you address the water, electricity, and phone reception/signal problem under a 100k budget) and 2 vinegar packaging with a 500 mL volume and should cost less than the cost of vinegar. The due's on Monday, 20 Sep. The challenge is that you should come up with an idea that is not the same with those who already turned in their proposed solutions. I haven't turned in mine until Sunday afternoon. We are 23 in class, hence there should be 23 proposed solutions for each problem. However, only 20 or 21 turned in their solutions and as a student who decided to do it three days after the sheet was given, i was at the second to the last of the entries hahaha. I have limited choice since a lot have been proposed. And ngl, i did entered my idea for the first problem at Sunday evening and for the second problem it was on the afternoon of the next day. Those were basic solutions cause who am I? Am just your basic guy.

Tuesday, 21 Sep (#NeverForget #NeverAgain), class again for plant design (PD). Dean discussed stuffs which im ngl, i did not listen because im bored (not until he said 'we'll have a 5-min break and we'll have a quiz after that' like wtf, how will we do our quiz???!). After the short break, I did study cause i panicked as hell, he presented the prospects of the course, that we will be divided in groups and that the leaders were chosen based on the solutions they turned in the activity previously given. So there's no quiz, i was calm the whole time after that until my name was called. Like wtf??! Your basic guy will be a leader???! Hello!!! So i chat people, asked them if it was a good thing (course it was!!!? So dumb right?!). And then, i asked another leader and she agreed to my argument that we should only be divided into six instead of seven as what dean has decided. So i chatted dean (pic below). I just accepted the role half-heartedly.

As leaders, we should be hiring people for our team and we should make pubs. I dont have a canva account to help me do pubs. I made mine at MS ppt HAHAHAHAHAHA but im good so its cute. We were assigned with projects and i get to have the 4-member team. The vacant roles were project maven and liaison officer for a 3-member team. In my pubs, i included scrummaster as position to be filled, cause who am i to lead?! So yeah, that's it. I did the pubs Wednesday and I submitted my resume Thursday (third to the last hahahaha but my resume's cute hahaha).

Thursday. So i had this invite by a classmate to join the Shell event long time ago. He was reaching out for someone to ask Dean for his approval because Dean did not replied to the email he sent. So, i volunteered. I really want this competition cause this will be my first and maybe last competition as a UP student. So i DMed dean and blah blah blah he asked for selection process. I relayed the message and apologize to them for being me because i was thinking that it was me who made him come up with the decision of having the team be selected. Like, wtf i was just asking for his approval. Getting kicked out of the team was not my intention. Those whom i chatted that night were telling me that it wasn't my fault blah blah blah. So i half-heartedly agreed to them.

Friday came, yesterday, the interview. I am very anxious for someone who will be the one asking the applicants lmao. I already have been interviewed before for college applications and somehow remember the feeling, nerve wracking, whatever. To calm my nerves, i listed questions which i never got to ask properly btw, but at least i have concrete ideas on what to ask. The first interviewee was my very closed friend and so we just laugh and laugh and laugh HAHAHAHAHA. IDK if dean saw it but who cares. And the next and next and next. 3:30 passed by fast and guess what??? YOUR BASIC GUY HAS THE MOST NUMBER OF APPLICANTS TO THE POINT THAT DEAN CUT MY LIST. IT WAS EXHAUSTING BUT VERY FLATTERING. I FEEL SO HONORED. i really thought and very scared at the thought that no one will apply to me but wtf, just wtf. Ranking my applicants was damn hard. 1 i have a dream team but one was cut by dean; 2 this could make my friends mad; 3 this will be the group for the whole year; 4 i am really exhausted. But still, i submitted the list. I was hoping for the people i chose to choose me back. Only two out of three did, i am forever grateful.

Still on Friday, the classmate who invited me to the Shell thing and Dean had a zoom call and discussed about the competition. That classmate told dean what i told him the other day that i might be the reason for the decision of having the selection process done. He told me this through a voice memo, katamad daw magtype. A voice message that i played over and over again. Dean actually find me interesting (?), Invested (?) Idk exactly but the classmate told me na 'may nakikita daw talaga sya sayo. Na grabe ka ka-practical as a person like yung ideas mo daw sa plant design napakasimple lang pero napaka practical to the point daw na madami nag apply sayo kanina. And then, you need more confidence lang daw talaga' so ig, you basic guy is a practical guy now. It's just flattering.

Now, whatever happens, i must meet those expectations right? This could be a lousy motivation but what is if there's none? I dont know why im writing this. I just thought i should get my thoughts out. Ver 2.0? Turning point? Let's just do good 😌

PS I put this on my bio on FB, guess im getting more public, and if you happened to read this because you saw the link on my bio, send me a message about you thoughts.

PPS if your initials are JTZC, these have been my week and i miss you even though you're not interested in me anymore, you are hard to forget

[currywaifu]

𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: barbie movies as troupe plays part 1 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: sfw

𝐚𝐧: if you think i won’t do all 36 barbie movies, you’re wrong. regardless of whether people want this or not. i have barbie brainrot 24/7. i’m just separating it into parts so it’s not too long *this isn’t meant to be that serious y’all my reasons vary from legit to just jokes

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥: i won’t go in-depth with any plot differences from movie to play, or how the characters would work out... for now *chuckles in future ppt*

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟏: nutcracker, rapunzel, swan lake, princess and the pauper, fairytopia series, magic of pegasus, barbie diaries, island princess, three musketeers 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐: coming soon 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟑: coming soon

𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: mixed troupe! spring x autumn. one of the seasonal events/scouts for A3! has a nutcracker theme, and to avoid spoilers that’s all i will say :3

𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: since this is based on barbie’s take on the nutcracker, changing up the cast from what tsuzuru had in plan:

clara/sugarplum fairy: sakuya. i want to see him go through a costume & hair transformation sequence, not gonna lie. 

nutcracker/prince eric: juza. obviously he has to be the ruler of the land of sweets.

mouse king: sakyo or chikage. i want one of them to wave around a sceptre and say quotes like “i’ll reduce the Nutcracker to a pile of splinters"

pimm: taichi... pimm is a spy :O who has to do dirty work :O but the real reason is i just want taichi to follow around sakyo again or maybe even chikage this time lol

major mint & captain candy: tsuzuru and citron respectively. mint is pretty serious and awkward, candy is a lot friendlier- i just think it’ll be a good way to insert some humor in the play

𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: mixed troupe! summer x autumn.

𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: rapunzel in this one actually is the “servant” of gothel. also, rapunzel has a magical paint brush and also there’s dragons. who are purple. 

rapunzel: kazunari. obviously. actually, kazu has a lot of similarities with her: a good artist, patient, adventurous, quick thinking, hardly ever complains- also he’d look good with long hair i think ><

gothel: omi. there is an action fighto scene + also just the theme of omi playing villains lol... also THERE’S A SCENE WHERE GOTHEL PRETENDS TO BE RAPUNZEL BY WEARING A LONG WIG AND BOI- KAZU AND OMI’S BODY BUILDS ARE SO DIFFERENT BUT IT’D BE FUNNY IF THE PRINCE FALLS FOR THE TRAP ANYWAY

penelope: kumon. a PURPLE funny and clumsy dragon- fight me, the only answer is kumon especially once you see who’s next.

hugo: juza. a PURPLE dragon who’s penelope’s dad but he’s gonna be the older bro in this one (i wonder why...) 

hobie: a passive and worrisome rabbit... Tenma.

prince stefan: he also has a couple fight scenes... ngl bc stefan has blue eyes, light brown hair + described by the wiki as “fierce”, he’s banri. 

𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: winter troupe. i will stand by this forever. 

𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: this is like one of the ones i’ve had figured out for a while already...

odette & odile: tsumugi. i’m just saying, tsumugi’s duality- he can do both the white and black swan because he has power. impact.

prince daniel: not tasuku bc spare him the prince roles he’s sick of it. guy. why guy? because he obviously has a good idea of how to act like a prince :3 

rothbart: HOMARE! I WANT! THIS MAN! TO PLAY THE ANTOGONIST! GO OFF ABOUT DARK ARTS! TRANSFORM EVERYONE TO ANIMALS LIKE THE EXTRA BEING YOU ARE.

fairy queen: azuma. ugh just- imagining how ethereal he’d look.

erasmus: tasuku. he’s a troll that can act mean, but is genuinely kind and helpful... also, the VA of erasumus is also the VA for “unnamed burly villager” and i’m just saying-

kelly the cygnet: hisoka. there’s too many animal children, so hisoka is gonna be the baby swan. uwu. also, kelly has a quote, “I can't sleep.” and wOW THE IRONY

𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: WE’RE GOING FOR THE COMEDIC ROUTE WHAT’S UP SUMMER. reason: i went “wait... no actor really looks super alike though.”

𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: tafahfuoahoaf it’s my favourite barbie movie... OKAY SO THE RUNNING GAG OF THIS IS THAT THE PRINCESS & PAUPER DON’T LOOK ALIKE, BUT EVERYONE KEEPS GOING “Wow! you two look so identical!” no they don’t

anneliese: muku. first of all please look at the sprite i used in the header. anneliese = pink = muku. she’s the sweet princess archetype... but in this version she also goes on tangents about rocks and mineraLS AND HOW THE MINING INDUSTRY SUX AND THE ABSOLUTE AUDACITY OF-

erika: kumon. first of all, the sprite in the header again. erika = blue like ugh this is perfect. ALSO erika has a cat who BARKS and i just imagine kumon talking to her cat like: WOOF WOOF WOOF GRRR GRRR and the dog responding and everyone in the palace going wtf

king dominick: i had such a crush on him anyway he’s tenma. rich, young, talented king who disguises himself as a page so he can find love for realsies. im just saying. he won’t be tenma’s only role tho ><

julian: kazunari. the wiki went “he’s the only bestfriend a barbie MC ever married” really shook me like ugh friendship dynamic between muku and kazu roles??? also kazu’s genuinely smart so him as the tutor was just gucci in my eyes

preminger: misumi. FIRST OF ALL PREMINGER IS ICONIC? WHEN HE SANG HOW CAN I REFUSE I WAS LIKE UGH KING. i just wanna hear misumi play an antagonist that’s also funny and do things with his voice.

madame carp: yuki. a bossy and rich woman who owns a dress emporium. pretty much it.

nick & nack: YUKI AND TENMA. THEY WILL DOUBLE ROLE FOR THE SAKE OF BEING MISUMI’S DUMB UNDERLING DUO

𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: spring troupe. i wanna see them have wings uwu.

𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: just gonna combine the whole fairytopia series into one 

elina: itaru. first of all, pink motif. also i just like the idea of itaru being this recurring protagonist.

bibble the puffball played by kamekichi

laverna: recurring villain citron. for no reason other than i think it’s cool when he plays power hungry villains

enchantress: i just want sakuya to play a role that’s more of a “powerful character” but still really kind uwu. another recurring good guy.

azura & glee: tsuzuru. elina is azura’s apprentice, and glee is a friend who’s generally really happy... ngl, i wanna see tsuzuru play someone more energetic for funsies

nori: masumi. nori is kind of a stubborn and jealous person at first, him and elina won’t get along right away BUT DAMMIT THE ENEMIES? TO FRIENDS IS GUCCI!!! 

merman prince nalu & linden: chikage... yeah i just gave chikage the guy roles ngl... but i wanna see chikage as a handsome merman AND handsome fairy so *shrugs*

𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: cross troupe. spring x winter.

𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: partially based on the ice-skating cards (i have yet to read the event story, unfortunately).

annika: tsuzuru. i thought it’d be fun to cast tsuzuru as a more sheltered character due to annika’s parents’ protectiveness. the contrast y’all.

shiver: sakuya. shiver is a polar bear cub sidekick who’s friendly and likes shiny things and that’s just... really cute... put bear ears on sakuya...

brietta: guy. brietta is annika’s older sister... who got transformed into a pegasus by the villain... i wonder how they’d change the pegasus thing lol

wenlock: tasuku. NOT GONNA LIE- i want tasuku to play the villain for all these wonderful one-liners: "Oh, smile! You didn't lose a daughter; you've gained a pet!", and "I thank my lucky stars I didn't marry you!"

prince aidan: masumi bc i want more roomie interaction on stage i mean their friendship keeps getting cuter and cuter.

cloud queen: azuma... that’s all. i just remembered her bc her hair has a braided crown, and i went “azuma braided hair brainrot”

𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: mixed troupe! summer x autumn.

𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: i was gonna make it full autumn, but then the age casting felt awkward since they’re in high school...

barbie: taichi. barbie here is shy but wants to stop blending in the background! i just went “damn that do be resonating”. also i wanna hear taichi sing more y’all and barbie is a singer/guitarist here

courtney: azami. i like the idea of azami playing a spunky character who’s more of a tomboy, but still does like fashion and accessorising and... lip gloss?

tia: misumi? tenma? idk the intelligent and passionate archetype is very broad... especially in a high school setting

kevin: kazunari. just the whole best friend thing + kevin being a goofy person who loves to make ppl laugh ugh

racquelle: yuki. i know racquelle’s a bully here and say not to bullying... but sharp tongue.

todd: honestly? todd was so boring in the moving. we need someone like banri to give him CHARACTER!... yes that’s my reasoning ugh

𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: sUMMER SUMMER SUMMER-

𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: AHAHAHA WHAT IS THIS CASTING? MY REASONINGS FOR THIS ONE IN PARTICULAR ARE SO SHALLOW LMAO

ro/rosella: “a 16 year old girl who can talk to animals! adventurous and brave” me: *gasps* mISUMI-

prince antonio: “prince antonio loves travelling and exploring-” okay yeah it’s kazu...

queen ariana: i just want yuki to sing to me “love is for peasants which we’re obviously not” and i’d go :O also ngl... i wanna see yuki in like darker palettes and plotting to poison all the royals

princess luciana: queen ariana’s daughter... played by muku. because i wanna hear muku counter yuki with “all the shoujo mangas books i’ve read, all the poems always said, that the heart is made to share...”

sagi the red panda & azul the peacock: honestly, just basing it off of colour matching but tenma is sagi and kumon is azul lol

𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐞: AUTUMN x SPRING

𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭: AHAHAHA WHAT IS THIS CASTING? pt 2 

corrine: i keep wanting to put sakuya in these roles oops. i just... let him sword fight on stage again :>

viveca: purple musketeer, artistic, designs clothes... fights with ribbons... you know, for the sake of banri being a fAshIoNisTa... it has to be banri y’all "Don't mess with the animal print dress!"

aramina: green musketeer, fights with fans, romantic and loves ballet... pfft, for the sake of “wouldn’t it be funny-” it has to be azami. poor bby, having to swoon over romance on stage- he can’t relate

renee: chikage. purely because of that scene where she threw a feather duster (?) at a flying shard of glass and perfectly hit it. yeah.

helene: the old and strict instructor that teaches them how to be musketeers... sakyo.. duh.

philippe: the main antagonist... it has to be omi again. and since philippe has a goatee, we’re bringing back facial hair omi~

prince louis: itaru, lol. he’s like the one significant non-action oriented character in the film. he has just enough moments where itaru still looks princely, but mostly? he just wants humans to fly y’all.

want to order again?

[theropoda]

remember when i said id post yakuza train of thoughts here. well heres one of those lol, mine yoshitaka flavor. spoilers for yakuza 3

ok so confession. ive spent like 2 or so hours on this post because i have one main thought but its so mangled with 500 other useless thoughts about mine that ive had to write and rewrite and restructure this entire post like 20 times god help me!!!!!! so if this is written in a goddamn incomprehensible manner IM SORRY

b4 i start i wanna say i like mine but i hate the way he's written. i like him cause he's really entertaining to me and yet he feels unpolished in my eyes. on that note if you disagree with that or anything else here i'd love to hear why tbh, maybe you'll change my mind! maybe you won't, but even then i'd come out of it with a different perspective. even if i disagree with someone's ideas on a character i still like hearing them

but here's the Main thing and its that to this day i dont understand mine's motivation. what was he trying to do and why? i have an idea of what an why but if it's true, and it's what the game was conveying,then wow it's really. uh stupid

from what i understand, all of mine's actions in the game stem from the fact that he thinks daigo's gone just because he's in a coma??? like idk if mine thinks daigo's going to die for sure, but it seems as though it doesn't even matter if he's dead, cause to him the moment he's put on life support he's useless???

he literally says (in the remastered version, at least), "if Daigo-san were still alive right now, I never would have gotten involved." "Daigo-san is good as dead." and when kiryu says what the fuck he's literally right there breathing he responds "He's nothing more than a tangle of tubes now. That's not a life worth living." ????????

all his actions are a result of him thinking daigo is dead, gone forever, but he.s Not hes right there son he could come back alive. this shit makes NO sense to me, and it'd've made so much more sense if daigo actually was presumed dead but turned out to be alive at the end of the game, just in hiding or something. mine's actions being the result of him thinking that being on life support is a pathetic existence is SUCH a fucking trip, its so bad. it's true that comatose patients are at risk of passing away, but daigo hasn't!!! he is in a state in which he MIGHT pass away but he hasn't!! why does mine assume he's gone when he's not even..,, i dont understand. ???

COULD THE ENTIRE PLOT OF THE GAME BEEN AVOIDED IF MINE ACTUALLY KNEW HOW COMATOSE PATIENTS AND LIFE SUPPORT WORKED??? MAYBE?? if that's the case then this is such a fuckig liquid snake moment of "i did everything i did because i dont understand how biology [in this case, human medicine] works" ?? GHDFHKJ

hell a more compelling story could've been mine wrecking havoc at an attempt to bring daigo back from his coma, since he himself says "I can't bear to see [daigo] like this"

oh and as for WHAT he's actually doing: ??? i dont know. from what i understand he's just trying to make the tojo more powerful by working with black monday to get that resort $$$?? i guess the moment he thought daigo was gone he just went "oh dw daigo ill make this clan more powerful"?

man idk. if you have a better idea of wtf is going on id be more than happy to hear it thru an ask or w/e

i have a bunch of other issues w him but im too tired. to talk about them so that's for another day ig. toodles

[lallemanting]

i was just rereading “whatever makes you feel the sun, chase that” because i love it SO MUCH and i would be forever indebted to you if you wrote a tiny thing about lucas and eliott traveling after they get on the train together

my darling anon! thank you so much for this sweet message and request 💛💛 I honestly had no intention of returning to this version of Lucas and Eliott but then I got this request for a “tiny” thing about their trip and wrote nearly 7k words so…whoops? I really hope you enjoy!!

part 2 of whatever makes you feel the sun (chase that) // also on ao3 here!

Lucas leans back against the rough material of the train seat and just looks. He allows himself that, as Eliott sleeps lightly next to him, because he hasn’t really before.

Every look has been plagued by fear, deep and unyielding, the kind that arrests your heart and makes each beat painful. The kind that was sent away, if only briefly, by a pair of stormy eyes and a sweet voice. Eliott. 

It feels a bit like breaking out of the water after holding your breath for too long. Lungs burning, heart racing, a panic sitting there, beneath the skin, that fades as the air hits your face and the water drips away and there’s oxygen ready to gasped in, ready to fill your lungs again. 

It’s almost drowning, but being saved at the last second. It’s learning to breathe again. 

Eliott’s eyes are closed and his mouth is hanging open, just a little, as the sunlight fights its way past the built-in shades the people in the seats in front of them have pulled down. The light casts over him making lines on his t-shirt and his hair is messy, mussed from being pressed against the headrest of a train seat. But he’s beautiful all the same. 

He’s beautiful, really, in the kind of way that makes people look twice (Lucas certainly did). The kind of beauty that’s intimidating at first, that left Lucas reeling when he reached for him in that club, when he said he remembered Lucas of all people, just from a glance on the beach. 

But it was his smile, the disarming way he laughed, the light that seemed to shine even when in complete darkness that sent Lucas chasing after him. 

Eliott shifts in his sleep, his head falling onto Lucas’ shoulder and Lucas smiles, wide, as his heart hiccups in his chest. He turns his face to press a soft kiss to Eliott’s forehead and lets him sleep on.

Lucas’ phone buzzes a few times in his pocket and he pulls it out to see several texts in his group chat.

Le gang

Yann 

hey lulu, you okay? haven’t heard from you in a few hours 

assuming you found your man 

or I was right about the serial killer thing 

but just know if you don’t respond soon I’m going to have to call the police and tell them to start looking for a handsomeman named eliott

Lucas

why do you assume he’s handsome

Arthur 

He speaks!

Yann 

I have faith in your taste bro 

so I assume that means you found him?

Lucas

I found him

Arthur 

And you’re with him now?

Lucas

on our way to amsterdam

Basile 

👎👎👎

Yann 

whoa bas 

why are you thumbs-downing our boy?

Arthur 

more like 🥳🥂🍆💦❤️🌈

Lucas

arthur wtf lol

Basile 

im not thumbs-downing our boy 

i just still think it’s unfair that i was the one who was supposed to get with someone this trip 

and lucas got someone instead

Lucas

sounds like jealousy to me

Yann 

Bas shut up

Arthur 

Yeah Bas shut up 

Also Lucas do you really need me to spell out those emojis for you?

Lucas

no I got it lol

Yann 

point is we’re happy for you 

even bas

Lucas

even bas?

Basile 

Fine yeah 

even bas 

🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

Arthur 

that’s the spirit 

🌈🌈🌈

Yann 

🌈🌈🌈

Lucas

you guys are dumb 

but thank you 

really

Yann 

you don’t need to thank us lu 

we love you

Arthur 

We do!

Basile 

we do

Yann 

now get back to your man

Lucas

love you guys too

It’s after lunch now, and Lucas can feel his stomach protesting as the only thing he’s had to eat so far that day is a croissant Eliott had bought him at the train station while they waited for the next train. They’re headed to Amsterdam still, since Eliott’s got a friend, who he’d told Lucas was also apparently named Lucas, that’s letting them crash in his and his boyfriend’s apartment while they’re on their own trip to Spain. They’d transferred an hour or so ago from a smaller, suburban train to this larger one that will take them all the way to Amsterdam.

Lucas thinks they’re probably nearing Brussels, one of the major stops before Amsterdam, and he finds himself wondering if Eliott is the kind of person who wakes when moving vehicles come to stop, even if just for a moment. There’s so much still that Lucas has to learn about him. And yet, this right now, is the closest he’s ever felt to trust, to being his whole self. Lucas’ stomach growls again, but Eliott shifts once more, his head nestling even closer in the crook of Lucas’ neck, and Lucas knows he won’t be going anywhere until Eliott wakes.

It’s a few hours, and stops later (it turns out Eliott is very much not the person who wakes up every time the train reaches a new station), when they finally reach Amsterdam. It’s late afternoon, nearing evening, when they step out of the station and into the sun, and Lucas feels his lungs expand as he breathes, really breathes, in the new air. His chest feels light, still unaccustomed to not feeling as though he’s been dragging around a weight in the form of a secret. A lightness in freedom. 

He flinches slightly, as Eliott takes his hand, but it’s muscle memory, desire that’s been told for so long to quiet down and hide away that it feels uncomfortable at first to let it be seen. 

Eliott must notice because he asks him, quietly, “Is this okay?” waiting for Lucas’ nod to interlace their fingers.

But Lucas does nod, and he whispers yes, Eliott and his chest fills with something new, or maybe it’s just his heart expanding. He squeezes Eliott’s hand back.

They wander for a while, hand in hand, along the canals and to a fries shop Eliott’s friend had told him was the best in the city. So they get some, Eliott going overboard on the sauces, and eat them sitting next to the water, legs crossed and knees touching.

“Can I ask what changed?” Eliott asks him after wiping a bit of sauce off his cheek and kissing him so slow and deep that Lucas had almost dropped the fries he’d been holding.

“You mean why I decided to come?”

Eliott nods, biting into another fry.

Lucas pauses, turning his gaze out away from Eliott and across the water, watching as a boat passes them, the people inside shrieking with laughter. 

“There were two reasons,” he says softly, turning back to catch Eliott’s eye. “One, I was tired of being so scared. I didn’t want to have to live with fear and I guess I realized I didn’t have to.”

Eliott smiles, soft and kind. A look, Lucas is quickly realizing, that’s a natural one on his face.

“And the second reason?” Eliott asks.

Lucas grins and leans in, his lips so close to Eliott’s they’re almost brushing, the promise of his touch making Lucas’ head spin.

“You.”

Eliott kisses him.

They wander for a few more hours, grabbing dinner at a restaurant with cloth napkins where they’d actually sat down, ordered wine. It feels a little like something out of a movie, something Lucas had always wanted deep in his heart but never admitted to himself.

“Our first real date,” Eliott says when Lucas raises an eyebrow at the price. “I want to spoil you.”

Lucas rolls his eyes, but can’t hide the blush that coats his face. “You haven’t even asked me out!” he protests.

Eliott only looks at him at him.

“I did you one better,” Eliott says, reaching across the table and brushing his fingers across the back of Lucas’ hand.

“Oh, did you?”

Eliott nods. 

“I asked you to run away with me and you said yes.”

Lucas flushes, catching Eliott’s fingers in his hand and bringing his hand up to kiss the back of it gently. “I did,” he whispers back. There’s really nothing else to say.

They spend longer than they should at the restaurant, even splitting a dessert – a gooey chocolate lava cake that has Lucas nearly melting into the floor and Eliott, after swiping the bill out from under Lucas’ hand, tells him they should make their way to his friend’s apartment.

It’s set back a bit in the city, down a side row behind some shops. The evening is settling into night, the last dregs of summer sunlight disappearing as the sun fully melts beyond the horizon, but the world is buzzing still, the night fresh and young and full of hope.

Eliott punches in a code at the door on the street and leads Lucas up a narrow set of stairs to the fourth floor. The hallway is dark and damp smelling, the stairs an old, twisted set of terrors, meaning that Lucas is breathing heavy by the time they reach the top. 

Eliott finds the key tucked between a piece of loose molding and a flap of peeling wallpaper just where Eliott’s friend said it would be and puts it in the lock, the key twisting almost deafeningly, and the door swinging open.

The apartment is a studio, a kitchenette just to the left of the door and two large windows facing out onto the street, a small table and chairs placed between them. A mattress is pressed up against the wall across from the door on the floor and a small couch and tv are just to the right of the entrance. In the back corner Lucas sees a door which he can only assume leads to the bathroom. It’s dark, the light from outside nearly gone, and Eliott flicks the switch next to the door, bathing the room in a harsh yellow light from a single bulb placed in the middle of the ceiling.

“God, I hate overhead lighting,” Eliott says, moving to throw down his backpack and switch on the lamps next to the couch and the bed before returning to the door and switching the bulb back off. “There, that’s better.”

Lucas smiles, dropping his own bag into one of the seats at the table and turning to look out the window at the people walking through the city below them, each of them living lives so separate from their own.

“I’m just gonna, uh, use the bathroom,” Lucas hears from behind him and then the sound of a door clicking shut as Eliott goes in.

Lucas sighs and leans his forehead against the cool glass, but something picks at his brain that won’t let him relax. Not yet.

He fishes out his phone from his pocket and types out a message, one he’s typed out time and time again but hasn’t sent yet. But now, he feels like he can.

Lucas to Maman

I wanted to let you know that I won’t be coming home for a few weeks. I’ve decided to extend my trip. I met someone who I like very much and I want to be able to spend more time with them. With him. 

He’s a boy Maman. His name is Eliott and I think you’d like him very much.

I’m sorry if this disappoints you. I love you and I’ll try to call you tomorrow. X

He hits send before he can think about it too much and puts his phone down on the table, plugging it in. There’s other things he wants to focus on tonight.

Across the room, Eliott emerges from the bathroom, looking at Lucas leaning against the table and smiling sweetly, his hands digging into his pockets, his shoulders hunching in what Lucas is learning is a nervous gesture. 

Nervous. Around him of all people. Lucas will never get used to it.

“So what do you want to do tonight?” Eliott asks him, pulling his phone out of his pocket and swiping it open. “My friend recommended a few bars we could check out or I think there’s this one we passed on our way here…”

Lucas pushes himself off the table and walks across the room towards Eliott stopping just in front of him, close enough to reach out and touch.

“Or,” Lucas says, taking the phone out of Eliott’s hand and tossing it onto the couch, “we could stay in.”

Lucas reaches out and grabs the hem of Eliott’s shirt loosely, his fingertips brushing the skin at Eliott’s waist. Eliott inhales sharply and stumbles back, cursing as his hip makes contact with the couch.

“Yeah, god, okay, we can definitely stay in,” he says.

He reaches out to grasp Lucas’ face, his touch light against his cheekbones and Lucas leans into it, closing his eyes as Eliott closes the distance, their lips brushing together for the hundredth time that week, but something feeling new all the same.

It’s overwhelming in the best way, the feeling of Eliott so close, the way he’s holding onto Lucas like he’s a precious thing, not fragile but important. Something to be handled with care not out of fear of breaking, but affection. 

Lucas leans into him and grasps onto Eliott’s hips, pulling him closer to press them together, Eliott angling his head to kiss him deeper, his tongue swiping at the seam of Lucas’ lips, turning the kiss hot and messy.

Lucas gasps, Eliott taking advantage of it to walk him backwards towards the mattress. Lucas’ hands run along the skin of Eliott’s stomach and around towards his back, pulling at his shirt as they move.

“Off,” Lucas whispers against Eliott’s mouth and Eliott is quick to comply, pulling the shirt up and over his head, giving Lucas only a second to take him in with new messier hair before he’s on him again.

“Your turn,” Eliott says, pulling back to kiss Lucas’ jaw, behind his ear and down his neck as Lucas shivers, tugging on his shirt. Lucas quickly pulls it over his head.

And really, Lucas thinks, it shouldn’t be this good, it’s not supposed to be this good, with someone he only met a short time ago. Lucas has never imagined it could feel like this, especially not so soon.

There was a nervousness, a hesitation in name only, when they gotten together the first time, only because Lucas was new at it, still is new at it. But Eliott had smoothed it away with an understanding smile and a readiness to only go as far as Lucas was willing, as far as Lucas would take him.

But somehow, Eliott’s never really felt like a stranger, and his body has never really felt completely new. Lucas knows they’ve only just met but there’s always seemed to be this place they existed together, from the moment they locked eyes across the beach, that only they could get to. A frequency only they can tune into, hidden away from everything else that beckons Lucas to break the so-called rules he didn’t even realize he’d been imposing on himself. 

With Eliott, it’s just easy. And the parts that aren’t so easy Eliott is so calm and kind and understanding that it makes it easier to work through, to discuss and then deliver. It’s the kind of respect and desire, the kind of want with a preference that makes it clear Eliott, somehow, miraculously, feels just as lucky as Lucas that they found each other. A feeling that translates into comfort and vulnerability.

(And maybe, Lucas thinks as he recalls his words to the boys when he told them, it feels just a little bit like love . But it can’t be. 

Can love happen so fast? )

They collapse on the mattress and fumble at the buttons on their pants, Eliott straddling Lucas to pull them off with his boxers as Lucas lies among the pillows.

“Shit,” Eliott inhales, his eyes roaming Lucas’ body, “You’re so fucking beautiful.”

Lucas can feel himself blush, still not used to the kind of compliments Eliott doles out so freely. He’s not used to beautiful either, something he’d never thought of himself as, something he’d never thought someone would think of him. And yet here, hovering over him is the most beautiful man Lucas has ever seen and he’s looking at Lucas with the kind of fierce adoration that makes Lucas forget everything else and Lucas finds he believes him. Somehow, Eliott’s words cut through the rest.

Eliott makes Lucas okay with being brave is the thing. It’s not that Lucas wasn’t capable of it before, or that he’s doing everything now for Eliott, it’s that suddenly, somehow, Lucas can finally see himself making brave choices, trying new things, trusting himself to know what he wants. It’s that seeing the way Eliott has trusted himself and in his feelings has made it easier for Lucas to accept his own. Take on new challenges because he wants to, leave the fear behind.

Life, for Lucas, has been full of new experiences lately.

Eliott leans down to kiss him again, deep and encompassing, pressing Lucas into the mattress with the kind of fervor that leaves Lucas shaking.

“Wait,” Lucas gasps, grabbing Eliott’s hips as Eliott freezes and pulls back. “No, don’t stop I just…” Lucas presses back against him and flips them, coming to straddle Eliott’s waist. “I want to try something.”

Eliott blinks, once, twice, his eyes dark as his gaze roams Lucas’ face. “Yeah, okay,” he whispers, his voice hoarse.

Lucas kisses him, Eliott’s mouth soft and wet against him. Then he moves his way down Eliott’s neck, his chest, his stomach pressing searing kisses to the skin as Eliott pants beneath him. When he reaches the waistband of Eliott’s boxers he looks up and finds Eliott looking back at him with something akin to awe on his face.

“Okay?” he asks, his mouth pressing the question into Eliott’s waistline. 

“God. Yes. Please ,” Eliott pants out and Lucas can’t help but grin that he’s reduced eloquent romantic Eliott to single syllables.

“Okay,” Lucas replies, hooking his fingers in Eliott’s boxers and pulling them down, Eliott breathing out a punched out moan as Lucas returns and presses a kiss to his inner thigh.

Later, as Lucas lies in bed, a sheet pulled up around his hips, Eliott produces a joint from his bag and waves it excitedly at him as Lucas rolls his eyes.

“What? It’s Amsterdam!” Eliott says as he lights it, throwing open the window so the sounds from the street below float into the room.

“You’re so stupid,” Lucas says, but he can’t conceal his laughter, the way his happiness bubbles up, uncontained. 

“So, you don’t want any?” Eliott asks, lifting an eyebrow as he takes a drag.

“I never said that,” Lucas says quickly and opens his arms beckoning Eliott to him.

Eliott returns to him quickly and they lay there, passing the joint between them, wrapped up in each other, Eliott’s fingers tracing patterns on Lucas’ arms. It’s quiet and peaceful and Lucas can’t help but lean into the soft comfort of Eliott’s embrace, so relaxed and at ease it’s like he’s had it forever.

Is that what it is?

They wake late the next day, Lucas wrapped in the warm circle of Eliott’s arms, a brief spike of panic coursing through him until he remembers he has nowhere to be, nothing to hide from. He can just be.

He relaxes even more when he finally convinces himself to check his phone while Eliott’s in the shower and finds a text from his mother that takes away the last of the burden.

Maman to Lucas

You could never disappoint me my darling son. 

I love you. Call me when you can.

If his happiness is evident on his face, it’s only reflected in Eliott’s as he laughs when Lucas grabs him the minute he steps out of the bathroom, hugging him close and pressing his face into his neck.

“I’m so happy you found me,” Lucas whispers. 

Eliott pulls back and pecks him gently, once, twice, three times. 

“I think you’re the one who found me.”

They can agree to disagree.

Eliott drags him to a bakery his friend recommended and then across the city to the Van Gogh museum, telling Lucas it’s something they simply have to see. Lucas takes a brief stop to call his mother, who answers with her voice soft and warm, assuring Lucas she loves him and asking him to pass the phone to this Eliott boy . 

Lucas tries to protest but Eliott hears from where he’s sitting and grabs the phone from Lucas’ hand, talking and laughing with Lucas’ mother on the other end. Lucas gapes at him when he hands the phone back and Eliott just shrugs, telling him, she just made me promise to take care of you. I told her not to worry.

Lucas can only shake his head as he brings the phone back up to his ear, just to have her tell him that Eliott sounds like a wonderful boy and again that she loves him. And Lucas really doesn’t blame Eliott when he looks a little smug after that.

Once they get inside the museum, Eliott spends the whole time raving about color and brushstrokes and genius and Lucas understands almost none of it, but he doesn’t care, as long as it makes Eliott happy. Eliott gets a little quieter, for a moment, when he talks about Van Gogh’s personal struggles, the way pain had come and never quite left, so Lucas reaches out and takes Eliott’s hand, squeezing it, and leans over to lightly kiss Eliott’s shoulder.

He doesn’t say anything but he knows Eliott understands from the way he looks back and smiles. It’s a smile like that, private and reserved just for Lucas, that makes the feeling in his chest expand just a little.

Can it be named yet?

And just like that, their days in Amsterdam fall away. Lucas loses count at some point, how long they’ve been there, their time so full of Eliott’s laughter and Lucas’ heart beating and kissing, that they start to blend together. 

Kissing.

Lucas knows he’d never really been kissed before Eliott and certainly not like this. Lucas learns quickly that there are many different kinds, many more than he’d ever imagined and it seems like Eliott is on a mission to try out them all.

There’s kisses on his mouth and his cheeks and his jaw and his neck and searing ones that leave marks all over his body. There’s kisses in the street and in parks and on benches and pressed up against walls. At some point Lucas wonders if he should be getting used to these kisses, the way Eliott’s mouth feels against him, but then Eliott kisses him again and everything else is gone from Lucas’ mind and all he can remember is Eliott .

And even when they leave Amsterdam behind, Eliott seems to want to try everything all over again in each new place as if somehow the feeling of Lucas’ lips would have changed depending on the coordinates. Lucas wants to make fun of him, he really does, but then Eliott kisses him and it turns out he’s right. They’re all different. Every single one.

From Amsterdam they head to Belgium, stopping in Antwerp for a few days before making their way down to Brussels. Eliott takes a video of Lucas spinning around in the city center and when Lucas watches the video back he can hardly recognize the boy in it, his face full of the kind of joy Lucas didn’t think himself capable of. 

He sends the video to the boys only to have them all tease him about Eliott being the perfect instagram boyfriend. But later, Yann texts him separately and tells him it’s good to see him so happy, and Lucas can’t help but hold Eliott a little tighter that night.

From Brussels, they make their way up to Oslo and then back down to Germany where they make stops in Hamburg, Berlin and a few other small cities that Lucas can hardly remember the name of, culminating in a brief stint in an off-season ski lodge in the Alps because Eliott found a number and a discount online.

It’s seeing Eliott standing in the midst of a vast sea of green, swearing at the miles still left to climb that makes the thing in Lucas’ chest finally take root and sprout vines that weave around his heart, turning the feeling into something unescapable, something that’s been nurtured enough to grow. 

But there’s no fear as the vines begin to flower. Instead, it’s mostly wonder. And-

Lucas can’t think about that yet.

From there, there’s a quick flyover to Madrid, since Eliott had promised himself he’d get back to Spain and found cheap last minute flights. It’s become common along the way for Eliott to come to Lucas wide-eyed and excited, full of ideas and plans, and for Lucas to just say yes. He trusts Eliott, he does, and finds he really doesn’t care where he goes as long as he’s with Eliott.

Then they head back to Italy, starting in Venice, where Eliott insists they have to take a gondola ride because it’s romantic . Lucas balks a bit at the price but sees the way Eliott’s eyes shine with the thought, so he figures out a solution. In the end, they share a gondola with a pair of American students and an older British couple that had been standing near one of the pickup points so they can all split the cost. Lucas worries it’s not close enough to what Eliott had in mind. But as they sit there, fingers intertwined on Lucas’ lap, Eliott whispers, it’s perfect, in Lucas’ ear, and he can’t help the way his heart races. 

(It doesn’t hurt that the older woman tells them they’re a beautiful couple as they go to leave the boat. Eliott thanks her, but Lucas only manages a deep blush.)

And that feeling in Lucas’ chest grows with every touch, with every kiss, with every new place Eliott takes him. It’s a feeling that’s a bit like luck, and a bit like awe, and a bit like adoration and longing and desire and choice all wrapped up into one. And Lucas thinks he knows, but he hasn’t dared to say it.

This has to be love.

But it’s Rome, finally, that’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

It’s the final stop on their nearly 6-week trip, culminating in a flight back to Paris the next Sunday morning – only three days away.

They’d splurged, just a bit, on a 3-star hotel because Eliott, after staying in their fair share of cramped hostels, had begged Lucas for a queen bed just so he could hold him, away from anyone else. And Lucas had been hard pressed to turn him down.

They’re in the middle of the Roman Forum when it hits him, a new kind of panic. Somehow, being surrounded by things so ancient and grand makes Lucas think of the things he’d been holding back on. The stories around him stitched together mostly in memory, and Lucas finds himself wondering if that’s what this will be too, a memory bolstered only by ticket stubs and material remnants rather than the person he lived it with.

It’s the word that’s been crawling out of his chest, trying to force its way out of his mouth every time he looks at Eliott. The feeling that had been demanding a name, the thing that Lucas isn’t quite sure Eliott reciprocates. Love. 

When they leave on Sunday will things change? Will Eliott want this, want him when grand spontaneous adventures are no longer a part of their daily life?

Lucas is aware, in a way, that none of this is normal. He knows he and Eliott have moved fast. Faster than he’d ever thought himself capable. One minute scared and alone by his own self imposition and the next alive and wanting under Eliott’s gentle honesty and daring gaze.

But Eliott had never signed up for this, for anything longer than these six or seven weeks. He’d called that first dinner in Amsterdam a date, yes, but there’s been no labeling beyond that. When they land in Paris will Eliott expect them to go back to being strangers? 

He holds the panic in, putting on a brave face for the rest of the day as Eliott continues to drag him around to all must-see spots on his list. He manages for most of it but then something must slip, as it’s wont to do, and without meaning for it, Eliott notices.

They’re walking down the street, on their way back to their hotel after dinner, when Eliott grabs his arm softly to stop him, and twists around so they’re facing each other on the sidewalk.

“Are you okay?” he asks, his voice gentle as he holds Lucas’ hands. 

Lucas shakes him off but keeps his eyes on the ground, something stopping him from looking at Eliott. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Eliott presses, making an aborted attempt to reach out to Lucas again only to catch himself. “Because if I did something to make you upset…”

“It’s nothing you did . And I’m not upset.”

It’s unfair to put this on Eliott, to expect him to take on Lucas’ fear again, to take on Lucas at all. He wishes that he could forget, even just for a day or two, that there’s an hourglass suspended above their heads, counting down the hours they have left. But he can’t.

“Okay,” Eliott says slowly, “but if something’s wrong, I’d want you to tell me…”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Lucas says, but his voice cracks as he feels the familiar tightness at the back of his throat, the shaking start in his hands.

“Baby,” Eliott says as he steps closer, cradling Lucas’ face in his hands and tilting his head up, “why are you crying?”

And that feeling in his chest starts at Eliott’s words, at the way he’s holding him, at the way he called him baby . Lucas can’t hold it in any longer.

“What happens when we get back to Paris?” he whispers.

Eliott stills. “What do you mean? You’re going to start uni and I’m going to get a job and we’ll figure it out from there, right?”

“But what about with us?”

“I mean, sure, I’ll have to take the bus to come and see you but it’s really not that far and you could always stay at my apartment if you needed on days you stay over late or…” Eliott looks at him, confused, and Lucas can’t speak, needs a minute to process what Eliott’s saying. “Is that not what you want?”

“No, I just,” he pauses, breaths. “So you’d still want to be with me once we’re back home?”

“Yes, of course,” Eliott says quickly. “Why would you think anything else?”

“You just never said,” Lucas replies, his hands coming up to rest over Eliott’s on his cheeks as he presses their foreheads together. “I don’t know, I thought that maybe it was just a summer fling or something for you.”

“It’s not. Is it to you?”

“No, never.”

Eliott smiles and then kisses him, so fully, so completely that Lucas sways where he stands, feels it all the way down to his toes.

“Would you like to put a label on it?” Eliott asks as he pulls away.

“Maybe,” Lucas says, grinning.

“How does boyfriend sound?”

“Perfect.”

And then they’re kissing again. Here, in the street, another new kiss for Lucas to check off their list.

They break away for a moment and as if Eliott can hear his thoughts, as though Eliott knows him better than he realized, he asks him, “Is that all?”

Lucas pauses, knows that he could say no, move on and hide away the feeling that’s been battling its way to the surface for weeks. Or he could let go, give himself over to it, say fuck fear, and say it, to hell with the consequences.

But this time the fear doesn’t feel like drowning, it feels a little more like skydiving. The kind that comes when you’re waiting to jump, when all you have left to do is leap.

“There might be something else.”

“Okay.” Eliott looks concerned, but runs a thumb across Lucas’ cheekbone.

And this is it – the moment of falling and hoping the parachute carries you down.

“I love you,” Lucas says, his voice surprisingly strong for the way his hands shake.

Eliott looks at him for a moment, eyes big, before a small smile starts to spread over his face, lighting up his features as he stands there. And then– 

“I love you too.”

The parachute opens behind him and Lucas lands safely on the ground.

They somehow make it back to their hotel, their time nearly doubled as Eliott takes advantage of every opportunity to press Lucas against a wall and kiss him, the kind that sends sparks down Lucas’ spine and makes him never want to let Eliott go.

They barely make it inside their room before Lucas is on him, pulling Eliott close and reaching to rid him of his shirt, desperate to feel his skin against him.

“Whoa, slow down,” Eliott says, laughing as Lucas tries to kiss him again.

“No,” Lucas mumbles from where he’s kissing Eliott’s neck. “I want you now.”

He hears Eliott groan and then he pulls Lucas’ mouth back to his own so he can kiss him again. His kisses are sweet and open-mouthed and remind Lucas that Eliott runs warm in all the best ways, his touch like fire on him.

“Okay,” Eliott says finally, as he pulls back panting. “Okay, you’re going to have to stop kissing me if you want me to ever take my clothes off.”

Lucas giggles, but backs off, hands raised, as he makes his way over to their bed, stopping to dig something out of his bag.

“Okay,” Eliott says again as he walks over to Lucas, now only wearing his boxers, “you need to catch up.”

“So help me,” Lucas whispers, reaching up to pull Eliott to him, and kisses him again.

They sway on the spot, Eliott’s hands running all over Lucas as he holds him, tilting his head to kiss him deeper, biting gently at Lucas’ bottom lip and taking advantage of his gasp to lick into his mouth.

It’s somehow gentle and intense all at once, the kind of toe-curling eagerness that sends Lucas’ head spinning. They break apart only for Eliott to pull Lucas’ shirt over his head and for Lucas to step out of his pants before they fall on the bed together, legs intertwined.

Lucas can’t think of anything but Eliott’s touch and his mind only knows one word – Eliott, Eliott, Eliott . Eliott surrounds him so completely that Lucas finds himself wondering how Eliott is managing to touch him, to hold him like that only to lose his thought when Eliott trails a hand down his back and pulls his hips closer.

Lucas moans at the contact and Eliott pulls away to bite a mark into his neck, Lucas writhing at the sting and the soothing swipe of Eliott’s tongue. Lucas runs his nails lightly down Eliott’s back and presses his fingers under the waistband of Eliott’s boxers and knows, as Eliott pants on top of him, that he’s going to ask. Lucas is ready.

“What do you want to do?” Eliott asks, his voice deep, his eyes dark. 

Lucas wordlessly reaches down next to the bed and produces a condom and lube from where he’d thrown them earlier. Eliott’s breath catches.

“Are you sure?” Eliott asks him.

“Completely sure,” Lucas replies.

And then Eliott is on him again, ridding them both of their boxers and moving back to lean over where Lucas is spread out on the mattress. His touch is gentle, his kisses deep as they move together, their skin burning in all the places they’re pressed together. 

Lucas , Eliott pants out as Lucas runs his hand down Eliott’s body, as he bites at the skin just below Eliott’s ear. Eliott , Lucas whispers back as Eliott touches him and takes him apart, bit by bit. Lucas has never known something like this – the overwhelming way everything becomes Eliott .

They come together finally, Eliott moving slowly as Lucas adjusts, his moans sprinkled with okay? and does that feel good? as Lucas moves below him. Lucas nods and whispers back a choked out yes as the feeling overwhelms him and the heat spreads fast and low in his stomach. Eliott’s all over him, his hands everywhere, Lucas just trying to hold on as their rhythm builds and starts to get sloppy, as they pull each other closer. And that’s enough, as Lucas’ back arches off the mattress and Eliott follows close behind, clutching Lucas to him as the waves ride through them.

They lay, after, clutching each other as their breathing settles. Eliott only leaving the bed to grab a cloth to wipe Lucas off and then lifting the covers to settle them under the blankets, pulling Lucas onto his chest.

It’s only after Eliott presses a kiss to his temple, whispers you’re beautiful into his hair and lies back on the pillows, his breath evening out as sleep takes over that Lucas allows himself to think it, really believe it, for the first time. Because, in the end, they’re the only ones who get to decide.

It is love.

Sunday comes just as Lucas knew it would. There’s packing and checking out of the hotel and a frantic run to the airport shuttle to make their flight in time. 

When they get to the airport, they get through security, buy a snack and go wait at their gate just like anyone else. Only Eliott refuses to let go of Lucas’ hand unless he absolutely has to. Lucas can’t help but smile every time he finds Eliott reaching for him.

It’s easy somehow, even though Lucas will miss the spontaneity of their lives during this trip, to be excited for what’s to come. For a life where they’ll be together, not just in front of each other, but surrounded by the people they already know. 

There’s grounding there somehow, a firmer foundation that will make Eliott feel less like a dream and more like reality. At first, it scared Lucas to think about them without the rosy glow of this fantasy thing. But the more he thinks about it, the more he knows it will be a relief to no longer have to pinch himself and expect that it’ll wake him up. 

Because Eliott isn’t a dream. He doesn’t just exist in this vacuum of worlds they’d explored together. But neither does Lucas. And somehow, it’s even more exciting to imagine what they’ll be when life picks them up again and takes them along for the routine of the everyday. Vibrant, but in other ways. In the variety of them.

Eliott takes his hand again as they board the plane and Lucas lets him lead them to their seats. Eliott’s out, almost as soon as the plane takes off, and Lucas finds himself shifting so that Eliott’s head falls to rest on his shoulder as he sleeps on, the weight sending a smile to Lucas’ face.

The thing in his chest shifts as the plane flies through the air, flowering now with something new, born of love and desire and longing. It replaces any fear left behind, chases it away to dark shadows and keeps it at bay for now, as Eliott shuffles closer to Lucas in his sleep.

So when the pilot comes on and announces their descent into Paris, Lucas finds nothing waiting there for him in his heart but love–

–and hope.

[floralseokjin]

— crystallised 06 (m)

crystallised /ˈkrɪst(ə)lʌɪz/ (verb) make or become definite and clear 

Six weeks, that’s all it takes to forget about the threesome you shared with your boyfriend, Yoongi, and your past... fuck buddy, Seokjin. After all, it’s no big deal. Yoongi and you are doing better than ever, there’s no reason to regret such a night shared. That is until you hear some gossip in the library one day, and then slowly, little by little, everything starts to fall apart... Can you begin to make sense out of all this confusion, or is it too late? 

pairing; kim seokjin x reader  genre/warnings; fluff, fluff and more fluff, smut in the form of dry humping, and did I already say fluff???? here, have some more  words; 10,481

sequel to; memoirs of a mistake and lostmyhead

chapters; 01 ⤑ 02 ⤑ 03 ⤑ 04 ⤑ 05 ⤑ 06 ⤑ 07⤑ 08 ✓

Seokjin ended up staying the night. It was inevitable really. You weren’t letting him go after you’d only just got him back. Not like he wasn’t dropping enough hints though. Could stay like this forever, he’d murmured hot in your ear, your body smushed to his as you lied down on the sofa, watching Netflix again. Some things, you realised, wouldn’t change and actually, it turned out Seokjin and you had already practically been acting as a couple anyway. It was just now he had his arms around your middle, hands woven together and his mouth on your neck. Lips too. Yeah, the kissing fest was still happening. You wouldn’t be able to tell anyone a damn thing about what had happened in the last three episodes of The Vampire Diaries if they asked. 

Spend the night didn’t really have a question mark after it. It was Sunday anyway, neither of you had work and just the thought of doing nothing all day with Seokjin seemed like pure bliss. Your plan had been to call Lina tonight and gush about everything, but you guessed that could wait until tomorrow night. You’d just have to evade her messages until then, because keeping information like this from your best friend was killing you, but also, maybe you weren’t ready for the “Oh, my God, it was all down to ME,” I told you so’s… 

You got ready for bed in the bathroom one by one, almost giddy when Seokjin came out in just his t-shirt and boxers. Knees practically vibrating against one another as he got into bed next to you. His side. You were finally sharing your bed with him again, and then you were a tangle of limbs, his body glued into yours. His legs warm against yours, chest warm, body heat encasing you with the help of his arms. This was it. Pure bliss. How it was always supposed to be. 

In the safety of your bed, surrounded by darkness it was easy for even more confessions to slip from Seokjin’s lips. There were funny ones. Thoughts that slipped into his head. Like how he’d been unreasonably jealous of every guy who’d checked you out at the gym. How your ass had looked quote, “fricking delectable,” unquote, with a side helping of bum squeeze to go with. “Been wanting to do that forever,” he sighed in complete and utter content. You giggled, revelling in it really. How could you not. It wasn’t like you hadn’t ogled him while he was squatting or doing press ups… He was very happy when you let that slip… It was cute to fill in the missing gaps, but there were also unhappy confessions too. Ones that made your heart pang with sadness. 

Every time he’d pined for you. Not far from him, but still deeply out of reach. Like how he’d hated seeing you cry after your argument with Yoongi the night of that party. He was awkward and he didn’t know how to comfort you, but that was because he wanted nothing more than to tell you the truth. The truth about his feelings, and how he thought you should be with him not Yoongi. When he’d walked you home and you’d made to kiss him, (so he had realised) it took him everything not to give in. He knew you were upset, vulnerable and he didn’t want to take advantage of the moment. It wouldn’t be right, but the hug was the best sensation he’d felt in all his life. Then you’d turned up at his door after the breakup. Like some sign from the heavens above he was making a mistake with Jemma, and even if he could only have you as a friend, even if it hurt like crazy to hear you talk about Yoongi, it was okay. Because he had you in some kind of form. The best form. Just you. 

With your glassy eyes, you both began to reminisce into the early hours of the morning. Muffling your laughter at some points because it got too loud and your neighbours would hate you. 

“Was it just me, or when we went to watch Endgame did you get distracted remembering back to that time you gave me a hand job? It was the exact same screen room too.” He spoke into the darkness. Just when eyelids were getting heavy, legs still tangled together, your head on his chest.  

“Oh, my god.” 

“No. Not even in a perverted way. I thought of that as our unofficial first date for the longest time.” He was trying to be funny, but that was actually really cute. You’d held hands for the first time that night. You’d done so as a joke, teasing him. Actually, he’d been adamant it wasn’t a date, not a fan of your jesting. You understood why now. He was afraid you didn’t feel the same. 

“I remember we held hands as we walked back to your car.” 

“Mm. I liked that.” On cue you felt one of his hands find yours to slip them together, kissing the top of your head at the same time. You smiled to yourself. “Let me take you on an official first date.” 

“Where do you have in mind?” The smile was still on your face, could hear it in your voice. 

“Zoo.” He replied matter-of-factly. 

“Zoo?” 

“You pretty much stood me up last time.” Silence. The memory came back to you instantly.  “–annd you don’t remember…” His tone was light, playing with you, but nope, you wouldn’t have it. 

“No, wait!” You exclaimed, turning around in his arms to find his face. Your eyes had long adjusted to the dark, you could make out the greatly amused grin on his face easily. “I do remember! I just didn’t think you were serious.” 

You hadn’t actually figured out what he was trying to do when he’d asked you out back then. You’d been too distracted anyway… Too excited for your date with Yoongi… 

“So serious. So jealous. So sad.” That didn’t help either. He was messing around but it still made you feel all not good inside. 

“Seokjiinn.” You whined. 

He laughed, arms wrapping around your middle to squeeze you to him. “No, but I do really want to take you to the zoo on our first date.” He pecked your mouth, ridding the pout that had formed. “Let’s go Tuesday. We can skip class.” 

“Oh,” you cocked an eyebrow. “You’re making me skip classes already. You’re a bad influence Kim Seokjin.” 

“And what are you going to do about it?” He grinned, voice now a little croaky from lack of sleep. Sexy though. 

.

.

You both did manage to get a few hours sleep in the end. Voices were sleepy, conversation waning off and then eyes were closed. You woke up first. Your body clock didn’t seem to realise when it hadn’t had eight hours sleep. So here you were wide awake on five. Seokjin was still dead to the world though. Hooked around you like some sort of monkey. You wanted nothing more than to stay like this forever, but you forgot the cost it came with. Excessive heat. Maybe you hadn’t woken up naturally… Anyway, somehow you wriggled free, Seokjin not even stirring as he rolled onto his back. You took a moment to study him. Cute in sleep, gigantic lips pouting naturally, forehead slightly creased, like he was dreaming of something serious. The events of the night before were truly sinking in. This was actually happening. You and him. 

You didn’t want to wake him just yet. No. You had a better idea. You were sure you had the right ingredients to make pancakes. First, a quick detour to the bathroom to empty your bladder and brush your teeth – hair too. You knew you looked this unkempt in the morning, but Seokjin wasn’t used to it anymore. Silly of course, like he gave a shit. You tried to keep as quiet as possible when you started finding and weighing ingredients, aware that there were basically only four walls in this open apartment, if you didn’t count the bathroom. Which was just about hiding Seokjin out of view, the jutting wall part of your kitchen storage. 

Distracted from mixing as you messaged with Lina back and forth, (she really did love bitching about this one coworker…), you nearly dropped your cell into the bowl when you read what she came out with next. 

Lina (9:58am)  So are we just gonna ignore the fact u probably fucked Seokjin last night? MAYBE you’re doing it right now  Sorry my bad for interrupting 

So much for evading her messages. Impossible, and now look. 

You (9:58am)  Wtf  im making pancakes like i said  …………. but yeh jin might be in my bed  we didn’t bang tho  we’re taking things slow 💖💘💗💕💞💓💝

Lina (9:59am)  YOU BITCH  WJY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME 

You (9:59am)  i was going to tell you last night :(but got distracted  come over later???? i’ll text u 

Lina (10:00am)  So you actually made a move at the party??  I KNEW IT 

Strange. You’d taken it as a given that she had. Especially with the very direct accusation… Or maybe she just knew Seokjin and you couldn’t keep up this ~friends~ bullshit for any longer. Someone would cave, especially after Brian’s party. A ticking time bomb but no one blew up after detonation. Thank God. 

You (10:00am)  🤔🤭🤫😶

Lina (10:00am)  YOU BETTER SEND HIM HIME TINIGHT  I NEED to know the details  Have fun being a sexy housewife making pancakes  😘

You (10:01am)  hehe 🥰 << me rn 

You were so preoccupied, you hadn’t heard Seokjin waking up, jumping a little when his arms wrapped around your middle, face nuzzling your neck as he hugged you from behind. 

“Where did you go?” His voice was thick with sleep and whiney. 

Putting your phone down, you tried to fight your smile, but nope, this was really happening, and it was better than you could have ever imagined. “I’m making breakfast.”  

“I wanted to cuddle,” he whined again. Sounded cute. “Literally been dreaming about it forever. You’re evil.” 

“Am not.” You laughed, twisting in his grip. “We cuddled all night.” 

Facing him now, you wrapped your arms around his neck, an amused grin on your face. You didn’t think it was possible to cuddle all night, but hey, you’d been proved wrong. You should’ve known. Seokjin was as determined as ever. Only now softer. You liked soft. You liked him.

He squeezed your waist, a pout already formed. “I want more.” 

“Patience, bitch,” you hummed softly, bemusing him for a second before he chuckled. You leaned up to kiss him. “Haven’t brushed my teeth,” he murmured. 

You rolled your eyes. “Like I care.” There were some things you’d waited long enough for, even without realising, and you’d be damned if you didn’t take every opportunity you had to kiss him. One of you had brushed your teeth, that’s all that mattered. 

It wasn’t a showy kiss, mostly slow and lazy. Definitely indulgent though. You almost clung to his bottom lip each time you grazed against it, feeling warmth whenever his breath shook. You felt warmth in the way his hands gripped you too. Safe but free in his hold. Giddy when one wrapped around the small of your back and his fingers grazed the top of your ass. It was exhilarating to feel him touch you so casually. A little tiny niggle of frustration too, because why hadn’t he been doing this from the beginning? You both were fools, but not anymore. 

“What you making?” He murmured when you both parted, curious. 

A hand slid around your hip as you turned your back to him again, picking up the wooden spoon in the bowl to begin to mix again. You gave him a tiny shrug. Not wanting to make a big deal. “Pancakes.” 

He sighed like a king. “Spoiling me already.” Your tut in response choked out when he tapped your ass playfully, wondering off to nose through your cupboards. “Don’t burn them.” 

He found what he was looking for. A box of cereal on the top shelf. “Seokjin,” you chided gently as he grabbed a bowl from the draining rack. “Cereal? Really?” No way could he have room for two breakfasts. 

He grinned goofily. “Appetiser. The starter.” 

You stared him down, practically calling his bluff, but nope, there he went, shaking the cereal into the bowl. Milk following. That’s when you laughed. You couldn’t help it. “You’re nuts.” 

“Yeah, for you.” 

You scoffed quietly at his comeback, a small smile on your face, unable to hide your happiness, and went back to mixing your pancakes. Yeah, it would take a little time getting used to that cheesiness. You needed to step up your game. 

If you were joined at the hip before, it wasn’t nothing on you now. Not that dating changed much overall. If people had already thought you were together, that was only affirmed as you held hands around campus and kissed goodbye at the door of your next classes. Lina was super happy you’d finally admitted your feelings to one another. And not in a gloating way either. Like a piece of fan fiction, she said: The girl who tamed a fuckboy. Yikes, how basic. Sounded like something from Wattpad. You much preferred the trope “Two idiots finally realise their feelings for one another.” Fit you both perfectly. 

Surprisingly, there were no I told you so’s from her, just a rare guilty look as she confessed she felt “kinda to blame.” Her distaste for Seokjin in the beginning may have hindered your view. You did after all keep your hook ups a secret for so long. But no, you reassured her, that was all on you. Despite the great sex, originally the idea of people knowing you’d given into Kim Seokjin was, how should you say, unappealing, but you’d soon (ish) seen how judgemental that was. If anyone was to blame for the delay, it was you. Not that you dwelled on that anymore. 

It was the little things that made you vibrate at a high frequency. Sheer happiness just doing doing the most mundane things. Being able to land a kiss on Seokjin anytime you wanted. Binging so many shows it was probably unhealthy now, yet it didn’t matter with his arms wrapped around your waist. Lying in his bed watching him grow frustrated as he gamed at his desk. Taking him shopping with you and hearing him whine in complete and utter boredom… It all brought you joy. There was no awkwardness, no trying too hard. It just all came naturally. You worked perfectly like this. 

The Pet names started. The first time was when you’d been in near tears on the zoo date. Hating the way the animals were all so far from home and trapped. Seokjin had felt beyond guilty, a distraught, panicked look on his face as he apologised for even thinking of taking you here as a first date. He even said sorry for being shit at comforting you, but as soon as the Baby, please don’t cry had rolled so casually from his tongue, so endearingly in fact, and gentle and soft, he’d done his job perfectly. It was your turn to comfort him. No matter what, your first date wasn’t a complete blow out. You got to feed a giraffe and watch the guy you were crazy about lose his shit over a cute little deer. All while skipping class… Couldn’t get much better than that. 

And for someone who’d never been on a proper date before, Seokjin sure made up for it with you. You tried the fancy dinner route. Found out it wasn’t for you when you accidentally rubbed the eyeliner from your right eye. Seokjin thought about waiting until you realised, but inevitably couldn’t do it to you. Although you were sure it was because he couldn’t hold his laughter in. You both enjoyed simpler, less showy outings, and of course you planned stuff too. When you took him to the gig of one of your favourite groups you thought his head was going to explode. He complained his ears hurt all the way back home. You took the time to rinse him on his own music taste. 

“It’s okay, next time Taylor Swift goes on tour I’ll get you tickets,” you teased. To which he scoffed. 

“You seem to forget I work in a gym. I listen to whatever comes on the radio.” 

Of course you had a comeback. Quick and witty, you were an unyielding duo. “You seem to forget earphones exist.” 

.

.

You weren’t one for posting your life on social media. In fact, you didn’t really post on there much at all. Mainly because you sucked at aesthetically pleasing photos on Instagram and regretted every time you overshared on Twitter. And yes, by oversharing you meant an I’m tired after a full day of classes and a shift at work… Seokjin was little of the same, but the first time he uploaded a selfie of you two (a highly unflattering one at that, but hey ho) you may have melted… Made it all feel so real. 

Caption: Me and my baby 🤧💞 80 likes

You: Yes! You’ve finally given in to that emoji life 🤗😍😭 Seokjin_Kim: Yes! You’ve finally learnt proper grammar (Capitalising correctly) 😘  itsholly: so cute!!!  JungHobi: @Joon94 @San_deul That’s it guys… we’ve lost him to luuuv 🥺 hi_itsbri: Legit?! Congrats man!  Seokjin_Kim: @hi_itsbri Legit! Much appreciated!  Seokjin_Kim: @JungHobi So glad I’m free ^_^ Joon94: RUDE  Joon94: @Seokjin_Kim  San_deul: @Seokjin_Kim Nice try. You live with me 

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.

After that, it didn’t take you long to start double dating. Seokjin wasn’t brave enough to accompany any of your friends yet, despite Lina being adamant her and Jimin wanted to hang out, but you went plenty with Sandeul and his girlfriend. You favourite was the time you went to the VR arcade with them. You’d never laughed so much in you life—nor felt so scared! You also seemed to hang out with Hoseok, Namjoon and their girlfriends a lot, who preferred to stay in most of the time, eating take out or drinking some. It was on one of those occasions that Seokjin adorably got moody because you laughed at Hoseok too much…

“What’s up with you?” You asked, coming out from the bathroom to see Seokjin still sitting on your sofa with the same frown he’d had since you’d left Hoseok’s place. 

“Nothing.” 

You sighed and bounced into the seat next to him. “Are you in a sulk?” As if it wasn’t obvious. 

He shook his head. “No.” 

“Jiiin!” His name left your mouth in a whine as you pounced on him, climbing onto his lap. Despite his one word answers, he reached for you hips naturally. “You’ve been acting strange since the ride back to mine.” You paused to side eye him, sounding snippy yourself now. “Maybe you should’ve just gone home…” 

“No,” he answered immediately, clinging to you tighter. “No. It’s nothing.” You raised an eyebrow, waiting for an explanation. He hesitated. “Do you think Hoseok’s funnier than me?” 

You stared at him for a moment, a bemused look on your face, because no, that couldn’t he it. Could it? How adorable. “What kind of question is that?” 

“Is that a yes,” he pouted, dropping his hands from you. His jaw tightening. 

“Not at all. It’s a reply of confusion.” 

He sighed. “You’re delaying” 

You had to laugh then. He was being ridiculous. Was he really self-conscious about it? Hoseok was a funny guy, he knew how to entertain, but it wasn’t something you took notice of much. You leaned in, making sure Seokjin was looking at you and spoke slowly. “No. I don’t think he’s funnier than you.” 

It didn’t work. In fact, he averted your gaze to look down at the arm of the sofa. Pout in his voice. “You were laughing all night at him. Ignored me when I said something. I’m used to the guys brushing off my jokes and never laughing, but you…” 

Wrong. You had not been ignoring him all night, but he sounded so dejected you really did think he believed it. You cupped his cheek. “I always laugh at your jokes.” 

“Yeah, probably because you think you have to.” Voice a mumble, you rolled your eyes. 

“Have I, or have I not always thought you were funny?” You’d been laughing because of Seokjin for as long as you’d known him. Even when you didn’t want to admit it. “You’re much funnier than Hoseok. Namjoon? No question. Never met someone so unfunny.”

Seokjin actually managed a little smile at that. Your lame attempt at being funny yourself.

“Yay. That’s what I want to see. A smile.” To emphasise, you pulled the corners of his mouth up with your thumbs.  

“Get off,” he grumbled, but there was now a gigantic grin on his face. “I just need to make sure, y’know? My humour is all I have.” 

You scoffed. “Shut up.” 

“Okay, humour and face.” 

You leaned in once more, tone sincere. “You have way more important qualities.” 

“Great.” He sighed. Fairly dramatically. “Now you’re calling me unfunny and ugly?” 

But mouth already open in argument, he was kissing you with an amused chuckle, not knowing you’d never let him forget the day he worried Hoseok was funnier than him…

.

. 

After a few weeks the novelty of going outside wore off, and soon you were back to staying in. Sharing time between homes, although yours was the preferred, living alone and all. It got pretty domesticated some nights, cooking together, back hugging him as he cut onions because you complained it made you cry. When you said you binged TV too much, you weren’t playing. Somehow you’d completed The Vampire Diaries and were onto The Walking Dead now. Zombies made you a bit uneasy, but actually you found yourself getting quite into it. So into it you searched spoilers ahead of time, too guilty to tell Seokjin your secret. It turned out he was doing exactly the same thing behind your back… You’d both found out your favourite character was soon to die, and reading it had already emotionally broken you, so for now, binging was paused. 

Not that you had much time these days. College was kicking up a notch. You had a final piece that needed to be finished by the beginning of February that was a large percentage of your grade this year and Seokjin seemed swamped with assignments and tests. Along with a part-time job, it was a struggle to find some time to spend together. And that’s how Seokjin convinced you to join the gym again. It was a hard no at first, but he put up a good argument… You could hang out together while he worked and you found not everything was completely body destroying there… You could keep up a worthy enough pace on the treadmill. Look somewhat passable on the elliptical… They were both also very great vantage points for some light viewing (perving) of your man… Squats really were invented for him. Just no one tell him that because he’d get a big head… 

Caption: The only plus side of going to the gym 🏋🏻‍♂️🍑🤤🥵 43 likes 

Linaa: GROSS  Linaa: can you not publicise your weird kinks 🤮 You: @Linaa were you or were you not going on about Jimin’s booty two nights ago ????  You: @PJM tell your girlfriend to shut up  PJM: Guys 😩😩 me and Jin really don’t deserve this  Seokjin_Kim: WHEN DID YOU TAKE THIS?! 

He may have seemed outraged but that wasn’t what he sounded like over text two minutes later… 

Jin💞 (5:47pm)  So I hear you have a thing for my butt   ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

“You know I can’t control myself,” you told him later on that night when he’d come over, pinching said butt as you hugged. 

“Stoppp,” he whined, bottom lip jutting out but he didn’t sound very believable. 

“What? I can take full advantage of butt squeezes now.” It wasn’t like he hadn’t been doing the same. You try getting to sleep with two hands cupped firmly around your ass. It got annoying after a while… 

He shook his head slowly. Like he was disappointed. His arms still slung around your waist though and a small smirk itching its way across his mouth. “Twisted. Should’ve known… I still get nightmares.” 

You met his eyes, a glint in them. You knew exactly what he was referring to. To avoid all the crude details, let’s just say an experiment might have occurred…to see how much pleasure one could derive from the prostrate gland…  “Shut up. You’re the one who brought it up, so like, obviously you enjoyed it.” You moved in slowly as you spoke, looping your arms around his neck, a grin on your face. 

He sighed your name quietly. “I’d enjoy anything if it was with you.” Dead romantic over some anal fingering. No sarcasm. It really was. You lips were centimetres apart. So close you could almost taste him, but then he pulled away abruptly. “But that’s besides the point. You obviously told Lina–mfphh!”

You couldn’t wait any longer. Kissing him was your favourite pastime, and well, there had been a lot of kissing this past month. Lots of cute kissing. Chaste or stolen. Soft and gentle. Slow. Fast. Lots of fast kissing. Messy and wet. Eager, sometimes impatient. Lots of heavy breathing, warm bodies and ruined underwear on your part… Although Seokjin had his fair share of problems in that area too. An overactive erection. Taking it slow didn’t mean you couldn’t kiss until you were overheating, grind until you were shaking… Grope until you were moaning. 

You were straddling him on the couch doing just that when you heard a voice calling outside your door. Sounded like your mom but god, that would be the worst thing ever. 

“Yoo-hoo! Are you in?” 

Nooo. It really was your mom. Who needed a cold shower at a moment like this? You were pulling away from Seokjin immediately, hazy mind clearing like magic. No one wanted to be caught getting frisky by a parent. It had happened once a couple of years ago and you in no way wanted to relive that. 

“My mom,” you groaned at Seokjin, answering the puzzlement on his face. 

It quickly turned to panic. “Oh shit. What?” You nodded, quickly getting off him to make your way to the door. “Where are you going?” He panicked harder. 

“To open the door.” You laughed. “Can’t leave her out there.” 

He jumped up. “Hold on. Hold on. My dick”s half hard.” Luckily he did remember to keep his voice down, shoving a hand down his pants. “Shit. Try fully hard.” 

“Hide it.” You hissed, not bothering to check what he was doing as you turned your back to him and ran for the door. He was a big boy (HA), he’d work it out…or not… 

You took a deep breath, smoothing down your hair as you composed yourself and pulled it open. “Hello mother. You do realise most normal people ring the doorbell.” 

“I did.” She sassed you right back. “You took too long.” Really? You must have missed that…too distracted. Oops. She walked inside, stopping when she saw Seokjin stood awkwardly by the coffee table. “Oh.” 

You took a glance at him, eyes wide, like a rabbit caught in headlights. You mean, it could’ve been the erection, but also, this was the first time he was coming face to face with your mother. You’d been too flustered to realise that before you’d flown open the front door. Hadn’t had time to reassure and ease him. Poor guy. 

“Mom, this is Seokjin.” You introduced, walking towards him for some moral support. 

“I know who he is.” She smiled at you, before turning to him. “It’s so nice to meet you finally.” Ugh. That was right. You’d spent a lot of time talking about him these past few weeks. Mostly done subconsciously when you were still in the “friends” phase. Yeah. You didn’t think she bought it either… Especially when you told her you used to “be involved” in the past but things didn’t work out. What? You couldn’t call it hooking up could you… It was a nicer way of putting it. Sort of. She’d been eager to meet him for a while now, ever since you’d started dating. Probably why she’d shown up without notice… 

“Hi.” Seokjin smiled. You moved closer to him. Reassuring him without touching him directly. 

“Even more handsome than his photos.” 

You groaned loudly. “Mom, you’re embarrassing him.” And you. For multiple reasons. Yes. She had made you show her pictures. 

She shook her head. “Nonsense. What are you two up to then?” 

She was looking at Seokjin when she asked so he really had no choice but to reply. “Uh… Uh, we were just… just hanging out.” The smile on his face didn’t look too natural. You nudged him. Hopefully enough to settle him. 

“Seokjin had a late class so he’s only just come over. We were gonna watch some TV.” You helped instead. 

“Oh. Sorry for interrupting.” Like hell she was. “You’re a business major, right?” Seokjin nodded, curious as to how she knew. Uh oh. “My daughter’s told me all about you.” 

“She has?” He sounded surprised. Good surprised. Like a lot of gloating could come of it later surprised. And of course, even when he was still inwardly shitting himself, he turned it around, charming your mother expertly. “That makes me nervous.” 

“Only nice things of course.” Your mother reassured. “She never shuts up about you.” 

“Mom!” You exclaimed. This had been what you were dreading. You changed the subject real fast. “What are you doing here anyway?” It worked. 

“Leftovers.” She replied, pulling out a plastic Tupperware box from her purse. “Your dad was cooking again and thought we were a family of ten.” You chuckled, taking the container from her. Classic. You were sure he’d always thought that. You mom took another look at both you and Seokjin, a smile on her face, before she spoke again. “Well, I’ll leave you both to it.” Seokjin couldn’t help himself and laughed at her choice of phrase. You elbowed him. Childish fucker. 

“Thanks for the food, Mommy,” you smiled sweetly. 

She laughed. “Oh, now you’re nice.” 

“I’m always nice!” 

“That’s what she tells me too,” Seokjin piped up, making your mother laugh.  

“Nice meeting you Seokjin. Eat some too.” She told him, directing her head to the container.  “Sorry for my husband’s cooking.” 

He chuckled. “Nice meeting you too.” 

You followed her to the door, nodding in agreement when she told you she’d see you soon. Like you said, life had been busy. You were spreading yourself thin, but not thin enough to go visits your parents. 

“That went well,” Seokjin said as soon as you closed the door. He sounded relieved. 

“It did.” You agreed, placing the leftovers on the kitchen counter before walking towards him. 

“Didn’t have time to overthink too much. Which is odd considering I was hiding a terrified boner.” You chuckled, wrapping your arms around his neck. He reached for your waist. “It’s gone now, thank the lord.” 

“You’ve been overthinking it?” 

He nodded “Yeah. Meeting parents is a big deal.” That made you smile. Cute. “Thanks for talking about me so much though. It definitely worked in my favour.” 

There it was. One simple gloat. He couldn’t help it. You pushed at his shoulder. “Shut up.” 

“Okay, I’ll keep my ego down.” He laughed. “Whew. Meeting your mom, huh. It’s getting serious.” 

“Giving you permission to back out now.” You rolled your eyes, but despite playing it cool you couldn’t help but feel giddy at his words. Serious with Seokjin. It was all you’d ever wanted. 

He scoffed, leaning down to place a kiss on the tip of your nose. “Never. You’re stuck with me now.” 

You tried suppressing your smile but failed. You managed to sound casual though. “Doesn’t seem like a bad thing.” 

He smiled back and you hugged him to you. Couldn’t help it. He squeezed your middle as he pulled away to speak. “Maybe it’s time you met my parents soon?” 

Oh boy. Serious it was. 

Not surprisingly, Lina couldn’t comprehend the taking it slow aspect. She knew your history with one another. Heard a few stories she’d rather forget. The fact you were starting from the beginning again – well, you’d never really started from the beginning in the first place, but y’know… The fact you were waiting boggled Lina’s mind. 

“I really did think you’d last a week holding out.” She said tonight, girly night in taking a turn with boy talk. Check you two out, couldn’t last an hour without talking about your men. What had you both become? 

“Like how come you don’t have all this built up sexual tension going on? It’s a love story like no other. You both waited so long to get together, you should be tearing off each other’s clothes. Going at it animal style.” 

“Oh, my god,” you laughed. “Okay, maybe too much wine for you.” You took her empty glass and placed it on the coffee table. She had never been able to handle wine. It turned her into a different person. Tonight, one who was very passionate about Seokjin and you, it seemed… 

“It’s not that I don’t want to have sex with him.” You explained. “Of course I do. But…” You paused, face flushing a little. Maybe the wine was getting to you too. “I know when it finally happens, it’s going to be amazing. The waiting is only going to make it better.” 

That made you both giggle, giddy from the wine and sex talk. Lina reached over for some chips, crunching loudly as she thought something over in that (drunk) head of hers. “Maybe he lost his dick in an accident in between?” 

“He didn’t lose it in an accident!” You laughed. It was like you hadn’t gone into full detail about last night’s vigorous palming activities not half an hour ago. He still had his dick alright.

Lina shrugged, stuffing her face again. “Maybe he has stage fright…” 

She really was determined to get an explanation. Jesus, who’d have thought she’d wanted you to have sex with Seokjin this much? “I don’t know, I find it cute,” you shrugged yourself. He definitely wasn’t suffering from a case of stage fright. He’d had a healthy case of Erection every time your tongue slipped into his mouth. “Romantic.” You mused. “It’ll happen when the time’s right. Until then, we’re building this whole other layer to our relationship.” 

If truth be told, you’d never felt like this in a relationship. All the others seemed like a joke looking back. Even with Yoongi. You’d been searching for these feelings with the wrong guy. Too dumb to see you could have everything you’d ever wanted with Seokjin. You’d never felt this comfortable. This happy. He really was the other half of you. You didn’t care how cheesy that sounded. Even if maybe you wouldn’t admit it to him yet. 

“Yet he hasn’t made it official…” Lina couldn’t help herself. Muttering under her breath but loud enough for you to hear. 

“Will you stop,” you told her. She was also waiting “patiently” for Seokjin to put a label on it. You, not so much. At this point you knew you were both serious. You were in a relationship, just not technically confirmed, and that was okay. Even if you were yet to call him your boyfriend out loud. (Read: You really wanted to.) 

“What?” She feigned ignorance. 

“Being negative. Me and Seokjin are happy. Everything’s amazing.” 

Lina couldn’t stop her smile then, seeing your grin. “I know. I like seeing you like this. I’m just… You know me, I’m suspicious of everything.” 

“Suspicious when it comes to Seokjin.” You corrected lightly. 

She laughed but didn’t deny. Baby steps. She’d gone from despising the poor guy to practically ordering you to make a move in a year, so it was definitely getting somewhere. You wouldn’t forget she’d referred to you both as a “love story like no other” in a hurry though… You wouldn’t let her forget either!   

“Oh, by the way,” she began, changing the subject – kinda. “We haven’t had a chance to double date yet… My parents are out of town for the weekend. What do you think about this: Lina’s Fancy Dinner Party. Got a ring to it, right?”

“I’m shitting myself. I’m actually shitting myself.” 

“Will you calm down,” you laughed, hooking your arm with Seokjin’s as you stood in the doorway to Lina’s parents’ house. “You’re going to have fun.” 

He’d been dreading this night ever since you’d told him about it a couple of days ago. It wasn’t just Lina and Jimin now, she’d also invited Yumi and her boyfriend, Taeil. The impending doom was real and the whole Uber ride here had been pretty amusing. You’d never seen him so nervous. It was cute. He really, really wanted your friends to like him. Not that they didn’t already, but could you tell him? No! He wasn’t listening. 

“Fun? I’m pretty sure all your friends hate me.” He muttered, before his eyes widened comically. “This isn’t some kind of satanic sacrifice, right?” 

“You’ve seen too many horror movies,” you tutted. You glanced at him, sighing softly when you saw the pitiful look on his face. Despite the jokes he really was anxious over this. You unhooked your arms and rubbed his back before straightening the collar of his dress shirt. This was a fancy dinner party after all. There was a dress code, and you weren’t complaining. Seokjin looked hot all fancy like this. 

“Only Lina had some… misjudged opinions on you, and it’s past tense for a reason.” 

Seokjin pulled a face. He still wasn’t too sure about that, but the kiss you landed on his mouth seemed to help. 

“They’re here!!” Interrupted by the clicking of the door and Lina’s loud voice, you broke apart. “Found them kissing on the doorstep!”

You rolled your eyes and clasped Seokjin’s hand, giving it a supportive squeeze. “We hadn’t even rung the doorbell yet. How did you know we were here?” 

“Porch light.” She replied flatly, pointing at you both and stepping aside to let you in. “None of that once you get inside. This is a sophisticated dinner party.” 

“Got you,” you nodded, walking into the lounge to find Yumi, Taeil and Jimin already sat around the coffee table. “Here I was thinking it was some type of orgy…” 

“Now that sounds like a party,” Taeil cheered. 

Everyone laughed at that – apart from Lina of course… and surprisingly Seokjin, who looked too scared to even think about joking around… Or perhaps he just didn’t want to piss Lina off. Suck up. 

.

.

“Get a room you two,” Yumi teased, wiggling her eyebrows as she watched you and Seokjin from over her wine glass. The dinner had been a success – Lina could actually cook. Who knew? Not you because you ordered takeout every time you hung out – and swiftly after that you’d moved onto entertainment. In the form of drinking games. Seokjin had seemed to loosen up by then, actually beginning to enjoy himself without any nerves. He and Lina had a few conversations. He’d even made her laugh which you thought he got rather smug about… After a good old game of beer pong (which wasn’t very fancy at all) you quickly moved onto ‘Never have I ever”, which of course had turned the three of you girls into a cackling mess. Things were said, things were confessed, and you were sure the guys didn’t know how to handle the details. 

Now it was getting late, you were all winding down, sipping on wine or beer. Lina and Yumi were sharing the sofa with Jimin and Taeil, and Jin and you were curled up on the love seat. Definitely a little drunk, giggling and flirting together. His hand casually up your dress a little as he stroked your thigh. 

“Surprised they got out of one long enough to come here,” Taeil commented. 

“What do you expect? It’s only been a few weeks. They’re fresh in the feels.” Yumi almost pouted, turning to her boyfriend. “Babe, do you remember when we were like that?” 

“How long have you been together?” Seokjin asked, and you kissed him on the cheek, proud he was making conversation. You’d been hanging out with his friends so often now it was normal, so it made you happy to know the same was beginning to happen with yours. 

Taeil grinned and got Yumi into a bear hug, rubbing his cheek into hers as he answered. “One year, one month and 8 days. Want me to add the hours, baby?” 

“Shurrup,” she shook him off her, but she was grinning from ear to ear at his dramatic display. 

“Hey, Lina. Will that be us one day,” Jimin teased, draping his arm around her shoulders.

She played nonchalant, sipping on her wine. “Possibly.” Jimin just laughed, greatly amused by his girlfriend’s antics. It was obvious to anyone that she had fallen for him hard. Despite her cool façade. 

“You guys were together before though, right?” Taeil directed the conversation back to you and Seokjin. 

Your eyes widened, unsure on how to answer. “Uh, kinda.” Little did he know that every single thing you’d both answered during ‘Never have I ever’ had been about one another. Poor innocent Taeil…

“Big history,” Lina explained, puffing out her cheeks as she exhaled. They were bright red. She was drunk. Could tell by the way she was keeping everything that came out of her mouth short. 

“I was there when they first hooked up,” Yumi added excitedly. “Well, not actually there. I was at the party.” Valid correction. “I didn’t know until a few months later though.” A pause. 

“Honestly though, it was such a shock. Who would have thought it?” She continued. You shifted a little uncomfortably. You were never good with attention. “You and Kim Seokjin. Mind blown. I always thought you’d rather take a vow of celibacy than get dicked down by. Kim. Seokjin.” 

Okay. So everyone was drunk, and here you were feeling like you were sobering up now. The sound of Jin’s laughter beside you eased you a little. “Let’s quit with the full name talk.” 

Everyone laughed bar Lina, who turned her head to Yumi. “That’s why she kept it to herself for so long. He was her dirty little secret.” 

“Hardly,” you piped up. You got she was kidding around, but for some reason you felt defensive. “Just know what you guys are like.” 

“Well I think it’s cute how you guys decided to give it a proper go,” Jimin smiled. “You’re good together.” 

Before you could say thanks, Lina was butting in. “I didn’t say they weren’t good together. They are! All we have to do now is wait for Seokjin to pop the question…” 

“Marriage?” Taeil asked uncertainly.

“No, you idiot,” she laughed. “Girlfriend! They haven’t made it official yet.” You felt Seokjin freeze beside you. You didn’t dare look at him. Lina was in deep shit when you got home. Wrath over text was a scary thing. 

“Oh, well no rush,” Taeil shrugged. “It took me two months to ask Yumi to be mine.” 

“That’s true. Remember?” Yumi directed at you and Lina. “I was getting pretty panicky.” 

“Awh, I’m sorry babe.” Taeil apologised. You all wrinkled your noses as they kissed, thankfully distracting the conversation long enough for it to change. 

Surprisingly thanks to Lina herself. It was her groan that did it, as she buried her head into Jimin’s shoulder. “My head hurts and I need to stack everything in the dishwasher.” 

“Didn’t you say no more wine a few nights ago,” you chuckled, throwing a cushion at her. She yelped dramatically. When you put your hand down, Seokjin clasped it, entwining your fingers. You snuck a smile his way. Knowing he wasn’t too traumatised by the direction of tonight’s conversation relieved you.  

“Yeah Lina. C’mon. Lightweight,” Jimin prodded her. “We can clean up everything in the morning.” 

“Noo. I think I’m going to be hungover tomorrow.” She whined. “Can someone help?” 

“I will,” Seokjin offered. Shocking you, and everyone else in the room while he was at it. “Maybe some water will help you too?” 

.

. 

“Lina doesn’t hate me,” Seokjin sang in the back of the Uber. En route to his place. 

You were wrapped into him, warm, cosy and a little sleepy. You couldn’t wait to crash out in bed. “Oh?” This piqued your interest though. He just sounded so pleased. 

“Uh huh,” he murmured, kissing the top of your head. “We talked while in kitchen.” Oh okay. So he had ulterior motives when he helped her load the dishwasher. “She’s just suspicious of me. I get it. I don’t have the best track record. I think I put her mind at ease though.” He squeezed you happily. 

Even though you were curious about their conversation you didn’t pry. “She still embarrassed you in front of everyone though.” And you… She still wasn’t let off the hook regardless of how drunk she was.  

“It’s fine,” he sighed. “She put my mind at ease too. Told me I was worried for no reason.” 

You frowned. “Worried? About what?” 

“Asking you something.” Your heart stilled. Oh shit. He squeezed you again, murmuring in your ear. “Wanna take this further. These last few weeks have been amazing, huh?” All you could do was nod. You were getting all hot, cheeks a rosy hue no doubt. Forgetting the Uber driver could probably hear everything despite Seokjin’s low voice. Not that you really cared. 

“I already think of you as my girlfriend. Just too scared to call you it. In case I jinx things. In case you’re secretly sick of me already.” 

You managed to give him a tiny scoff. Voice shaky. “As if.” 

“So…” He whispered. “Will you do it? Be my girlfriend?” 

You swallowed, composing yourself and glanced at him. “You’re really asking me in the back of an Uber?” 

He grinned. “I spot a moment and I’m going for it. Lina’s orders.” 

You laughed, cupping his face. “You know you don’t have to listen to her, right?” 

“I know,” he nodded. “She was just right this time.” 

You turned, resting the back of your head on his shoulder. “I’ll only be your girlfriend under one condition.” 

“Hm?” He placed another kiss on the top of your head, both arms wrapped around your chest. 

“You’ll be my boyfriend.” 

He hummed in contemplation. “That doesn’t sound too bad. May have to think about it for a few hours or so though. Maybe a night–ooff.” 

You cut him off with a whack to the chest, twisting around to face him again. “It’s a yes or else.”

He curled his tongue against his cheek. “That’s hot.” You waited patiently. “Of course it’s a yes.” 

.

.

“Wait. Wait, wait,” Seokjin half panted, breaking away from your mouth. It was a wonder you’d made it as far as his bedroom, let alone his bed. As soon as the Uber had dropped you off, you were on one another. It had finally happened. You were Seokjin’s girlfriend. He was your boyfriend, and now everything was right with the world. 

“Let me do something.” He reached for his phone in the back pocket of his pants, rolling off you to unlock it and start clicking away. “Check your phone.” 

On cue it pinged, still in your purse which had been slung on the floor. You sat up and rushed for it curiously. Laughing along the way because what was he up to? You laughed even harder when you read the notification. 

Kim Seokjin sent you a relationship request. 

Facebook official, huh? Check you two out. He came up from behind you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, his breathing still a little heavy. You had quite literally kissed his face off. “Was just gonna ask you like that but I thought it might me too lame.” 

“Aw. That would’ve been cute.” 

“Fuck,” he cursed, looking regretful. “Second guessing the Uber now.” 

“Shush.” You murmured, leaning back to kiss him softly. “I liked that too.” You were sure the driver really appreciated the cringe fest too… 

Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping. Ping. 

The noise from both your phones interrupted you this time. You begrudgingly pulled away, looking down at the screen. 

Jung Hoseok commented on a post you were tagged in: HOLY SHIT  Jung Hoseok commented on a post you were tagged in: IT’S HAPPENING IT’S HAPPENING IT’S HAPPENING  Hwang Lina commented on a post you were tagged in: FINALLY thnk me later Seokjin 😘 Kim Namjoon commented on a post you were tagged in: marriage next 😉

Seokjin read them over your shoulder, laughing at your idiot friends as you groaned. “God. You’ll get scared away before we even start.” 

He hugged you closer, kissing your cheek. “Not a chance in hell. Wanna elope?” 

“Shut up,” you giggled. Despite your joking around, you didn’t think you’d ever been happier. You wanted to tell him that but then his mouth was on your earlobe. He knew that was your weakness. He was on his back and you were straddling him as soon as his tongue slipped inside the shell. If he wanted to make you all hot and bothered, a heads up would’ve been nice. You definitely weren’t tired anymore. Even more so feeling his hands drag up your thighs where your dress had ridden up. You viewed him from above, realising you must’ve tugged at his shirt a little too hard already. It was stretched around the collar, a button undone. He looked amazing. You tilted your head to the side. “Did I tell you how hot you look in a dress shirt?” 

He paused to think. “Hm. You may have mentioned it a couple hundred times.” As he spoke he grabbed your butt, pulling you down to level with him. You giggled, letting him kiss your face like something possessed. He paused before he got to your mouth, murmuring sweetly. “You looked beautiful tonight.” 

You pouted. “Don’t use big words to brag on my shitty vocabulary.” 

He looked at you questioningly, amusement dancing in his eyes. Maybe you were still a little tipsy. That paired with the giddiness of tonight’s turn in events and it really felt like you were floating on a cloud of happiness. But it was really Seokjin’s body. Firm and large underneath you. 

You really couldn’t get enough of his mouth. His taste. You think you’d kissed him way over a couple hundred times since you’d gotten (back) together. He argued and said it was more. You didn’t know, you had trouble keeping count. You couldn’t get enough of him. All perfect and pretty and amazing. He was yours. For real this time. Confirmed. Boyfriend. You smiled into his mouth at the thought again. 

“What?” He chuckled, grin just as wide. He knew what. He felt it too. 

“Tonight is the best night ever.” 

“You’re drunk.” 

“Am not.” You quipped. “You’re drunk.” 

“Am not.” His lips were mashed with yours. “I’m just really fucking happy.” 

You slipped your tongue into his mouth, not caring if you turned it sloppy. You wanted it to be messy. You wanted to just let yourself go. To give into every little feeling of pure joy you had in your body. It was wet and warm and sticky, and Seokjin’s hands were naughty. They slipped up your dress, over your ass, rubbing the flesh and pinged your thong with two of his fingers. Your stomach flipped. It wasn’t the first time he’d touched you like this in a while but it was the first time he’d been so blatant about it. The snap of elastic stayed ringing in your ears as you moaned. You uncontrollably rubbed against him. He grunted into your mouth and something throbbed. 

You broke away from his mouth with a pop, sitting up on him wobbly. “You’re naughty, Kim Seokjin.” You scolded.

He just looked smug, a shit eating grin on his face. “Not anymore than you are.” Had you pulled at his hair without noticing? It looked a little wild. Regardless, you were getting distracted again. His hands still up your dress, gripping your ass as he rubbed you against his crotch. He was fully hard. You felt it strain against his pants and press into the pulsing between your legs. 

“Mario is watching us,” he whispered. “Wants to be me.”

“Ew.” You wrinkled your nose. You’d forgotten all about that creepy figurine. 

“Want me to turn him around?” 

You shook your head. “He can watch.” If truth be told you couldn’t bear it if Seokjin got up right now, even if he was coming straight back. You circled harder into him, such a simple pleasure never feeling so good. Moisture grew and collected in your thong. Barely. You were a few minutes away from spoiling his dress pants. He held your weight as you leant back, letting you grind to your heart’s content. 

“Does it feel good? Grinding on my dick like that?” 

“Mhmm.” It was all a moan. Couldn’t think to do anything else. Such a simple way of words but it had you burning up. You’d missed what his mouth could do to you. You’d missed him like this. Memories came back, swarming the front of your mind. Clouding it. So when you felt gravity leave you, back landing on the mattress with a silent thud, you were momentarily stunned. Pinned down, wet and horny. 

“What are you doing?” You gasped, which flew into a moan when you felt his crotch thrust into you.

He spread your legs, dress riding up even more, bunched up around your waist. “Protecting your modesty. Mario’s a pervert.” To give it to him, he really did want to sound causal, but his voice was strained, breathing hard and you rubbed against him shamelessly. 

It was odd. You were beyond frustrated. Craving him like you never had before, but this became enough. Feeling him solid against your barely covered core, starting to thrust into you like he was actually fucking you. It was hot. It was working. It was enough. Just as pleasurable as his dick would be inside you. 

Needy and raw. Messy and crude, but just so amazing. Pent up feelings finally getting their own way. You clung to him, wrapped your legs around him, rutted against him obscenely until you were a moaning, sweaty mess. Simulating sex desperately, because you needed him and wanted him any which way. 

Seokjinnn,” you whined, unsticking yourself from his mouth to catch your breath. Back arching as he gripped your legs from behind the knee, thrusting forward hard. 

He was panting, sweat collecting between his brow which was furrowed in effort. “C-can you cum like this?” 

“Y-yeh,” you nodded eagerly. It was great you were on the same page. Sweet relief was close. It tingled through your body and curled your toes. You were so turned on you’d cum from anything right now. “Can you?” 

“I think so,” he breathed into your cleavage. Mouth now distracted with kissing the tops of your breasts. Your nipples were painfully hard, desperate to be freed from the dress and desperate to feel his tongue. But not tonight. “Actually.” Seokjin knelt up, shaky hands undoing his fly and pushing his pants down to the middle of his thighs. His erection strained against the underwear and you throbbed at the sight. 

“Now I can,” he grinned goofily. He moved closer, and you flattened one of your legs to the bed, letting him slide in between it and the one still folded at the knee. “I’m so hard,” he laughed breathlessly, a hand reaching down to grip his dick. You followed, unable to help yourself. Squeezing tightly. Greedily. “Fuck.” He sounded impatient and desperate, rushing to thrust into you once again. You moved your hand to his hip, holding it tightly as he held onto your knee, gaining leverage to begin rubbing into you hard. “This feels so good.” He astounded and you nodded wildly in agreement. 

You were close. Not long left, and as soon as he began circling into your core, swollen and dripping by now surely, that was it. The final push. “Don’t stop.” You begged, reaching for him any way you could. “I’m g-onna… I really am…” You trailed off, laughing in disbelief.  

“Yeah?” 

You nodded again, words now failing you as the heat built up, body shuddering to its orgasm. Seokjin didn’t relent, circling harder as you came, until he couldn’t take it any longer and collapsed onto your body. 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” He was spent. Exhausted, sweaty and near orgasm himself. You shifted a little so he didn’t rub against the sensitivity still hot between your legs and let him finish off on the inside of your thigh. You could tell by how his body stiffened, a moan like grunt dragging from his throat. You moaned back, wrapping your arms around him tightly as he burrowed his behind your waist. You clung to one another, both masses of sweat. Heavy breathed and unable to talk for a little while. 

It was Seokjin that came to first surprisingly. Despite practically dying to get you both to cum. He laughed into the crook of your neck, and you looked down at him curiously. He rolled off you a little. Hair stuck to his forehead.  “Jesus fucking christ. Feel like a teenager just done humping my pillow.” 

You raised an eyebrow. “You don’t do that anymore?” 

His eyes widened. “You do?” 

You nodded as you wriggled free from him fully and pulled down your dress. Your underwear clung to you. You felt extra sticky now that you’d cooled down. “It’s a valid form of masturbation.” 

“Well, shit. You’ll have to show me sometime.”

You laughed, sitting up. Seokjin stayed lying down, looking up you with the softest look in his eyes. He was definitely exhausted from all the humping. “Shit. Sandeul isn’t here right?” You hadn’t thought about that before, severely distracted as you’d rushed into the apartment. 

“I dunno. I can’t remember if his door was closed or not.” Jin rolled onto his back, shimmying his pants up. “Oh well. Not like he wasn’t used to it before. Won’t take him long to adjust again.” He shot you a smirk and you giggled. “Wanna shower or something?” 

You groaned. It was too late to shower, and you were tired again, but there was no way you could stay like this. You jumped off the bed, grabbing your stuff that had a permanent home at his place already. “I’ll clean up quick and get ready for bed.” 

“I’ll go after you.” He pulled a face, adjusting his crotch. “Bit gross.” 

Laughing, you stopped beside him and placed a kiss on his cheek. “Wanna go first?” 

“Nah. It’s fine.” He smiled. “I need a moment anyway. Whew.” 

On your way out you paused by Mario, twisting him to face the wall. You winked in Seokjin’s direction. “For next time.” 

.

.

You were tucked up in bed trying to stay awake on your phone when Seokjin came back from his shower. “Near naked?” Damn. What did you do to be gifted with such a sight. You’d seen him come out the shower a few times since you’d gotten together, towel slung around his waist, or watched him get dressed before you went out somewhere, but he hadn’t gone to bed in just his boxers. He better watch it, you’d jump his bones again. 

“I’m so hot.” He moaned. Tell you about it. Although you didn’t think he meant that type of hot. “That was a bigger work out than the gym.” 

“Not used to it anymore.” You teased, pulling up his side of the duvet so he could get in. As soon as he did you were attached to him, cuddling up. “You lied to me by the way,” you murmured, pulling away as you dragged your hand down his chest. 

“Hm?” He looked confused. 

“Remember you said you didn’t have abs anymore…” 

He took a moment to think before he scoffed. “That was ages ago, but these are not abs regardless.” 

“Are to.” 

“Are not.” He tried to pull the comforter up, attempting to cover his body. “This is just normal. I mean, I can try and get them back for you?” 

“Shut up,” you exclaimed. “Really, Seokjin?” You clung to his neck. “I don’t care about things like that. I like you any which way. I really like you.” You emphasised, placing a lingering kiss on his cheek. 

“Get off,” he chuckled. You could feel his grin underneath your lips. 

You buried your face in his neck instead, showering it with little kisses. “I think you’re hot, Hot, HOT anyway.”

He was laughing loudly now, grabbing your elbows to try and push you away. “Tickles,” he whined. “You’re crazy.” You sprung from him as soon as he began tickling under your armpits. Relenting instantly, head falling back into the pillows with a cry. 

“I think you’re hot too,” he whispered, leaning over you, mouth now on your neck as one of his hands ran up your side, cupping your boob gently. “Grinding on me. Making me lose my shit. Only you could make me cum like that… In my fucking underwear.”  You giggled, squirming under him as he growled and nibbled your earlobe. You were heating up again, a fool to his words. But of course your body had to betray you. A yawn escaped. You didn’t even know you’d been holding it in. 

“You’re tired,” he commented, pulling back to push stray strands of hair away from your face. 

“Mmm,” you admitted, eyes heavy and begging to be closed. 

He kissed the tip of your nose. “Let’s go to sleep.” 

There was no point arguing. Besides, it just felt too good being wrapped up in Seokjin’s arms once he’d flicked the lamp off. “Goodnight girlfriend,” he murmured in your ear, shaking you a little when you only hummed in response, half asleep. “Say it back.” 

‘Goodnight girlfriend.” 

“Nooo,” he whined, squeezing you. 

You giggled, entwining your hand with his. You were just teasing. “Goodnight boyfriend.” 

Written 2019. Reworked/Edited 2020 Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2020

[yntcdtyler]

so here’s my lover secret session’s story... 02/08/2019 london 🏹🇬🇧

i got my dm on twitter on july 16th at 5:15pm and i looked at it thinking someone was trying to boo boo the fool me and it was really gonna say something like “stream ME!” so i opened it not thinking much of it and my heart literally SANK when i saw it was actually REAL. i got the phone call 4 days after from a girl called sara who was from Taylor Nation, she told me everything and i was literally in the storage room in work crying.

so it’s finally august 2nd.. i got up at 5am cause i literally had 4 different trains and 2 ubers to catch, when i finally got to my hotel it was around 11am, i checked in and got ready and went to the meeting point. i was literally the first one there so i panicked thinking i was at the wrong place but more people started to show up and immediately everyone formed little friendship groups who they seemed to have stayed with the whole day which was insane. i met lisa and emma which i’d recognised from twitter because we’d been following each other for so long and then georgia, evie & shiv all came over and we all just bonded and instantly became friends and realised we we’re the brits of the group, there were SO many international fans and it was amazing seeing people come from all over the world! our group was first on the bus and i’m not sure why but we were literally all crying like wtf was going on?? we drove past a few ambulances thinking ‘that’s gonna be our ride home after tonight’ cause at this point i’m like dying and then we finally got to THE HOUSE.

we all go inside, the ME! playlist was on, there was a huge moose head on the wall which we all became really intrigued by, a huge mirror to see ourselves ugly crying, there was food & drinks and little m&m’s with ‘lover’ and hearts on them and i have no idea what was going on in my mind at this point, like i didn’t know what to expect.

so then we all go to the living room we’re there was a bunch of cushions on the floor and a chair and speakers in front of us and i KNEW what was about to go down lads, it’s about to happen, we’re about to hear lover and i just wasn’t ready and i was sat THERE in front of the chair and a few minutes later... SHE COMES OUT FROM BEHIND THIS DOOR LOOKING LIKE LIKE AN ACTUAL GODDESS THAT JUST STEPPED OUT OF HEAVEN AND I DEAD ASS DIED RIGHT THERE THINKING ABOUT THAT AMBULANCE I SAW EARLIER ON CAUSE SHE JUST WASNT REAL. so she’s like “welcome to the lover secret sessions” and the noise that came out me was actually not human at all. she played half the album the first and kept apologising for ranting and going off topic which was so funny, she’s so adorable i was literally in awe. then was like “we’re gonna take a break so you can all go the bathroom, have a drink and stretch your legs” and then mentions she’s made us treats and everyone’s like OMG and she’s literally like “it’s just rice crispy treats i dyed in heart shapes” and it was just the funniest thing bc she’s just so sarcastic but they were the cutest things and just knowing she spent time making them was honestly insane. like i ate a rice crispy heart treat..made by taylor swift? sounds fake. so then as she’s passing them around, she’s goes into the garden and starts talking to everyone and thanking people’s parents and let everyone on her trampoline and just shouts “THESE ARE MY KIDS” with a glass of wine in her hand and it was such a taylor swift moment. it was just surreal like wtf? imagine bouncing on taylor swifts trampoline? i would’ve went on it but i wasn’t about to break my neck before listening to the rest of the album x

okay so we go back in to listen to the rest of the album and throughout the whole album listening part, i just kept crying and she kept looking at me and smiling and singing and i was just bloody in shock. there was one point during a song we’re me and georgia we’re holding onto each other crying and she just looks at us and tilts her head and gives us the most warming smile. right there we both died together it was unreal. but the album HOLY SHIT every song was INSANE. i found it so hard to pick a favourite so i have 3, this album is literally her BEST, and this coming from a speak now stan🤝 i was just the happiest i’ve ever been, it just seemed like a dream. seeing her sat there in front of me so happy and in such a good place, feeling so proud of this album and these songs just made my heart feel so full. what i was feeling in that moment is unexplainable. just pure happiness like i knew life doesn’t get any better than this... right it’s time for the meet and greets and everyone goes back in to the other room whilst they got ready and people started queuing then to go in and meet her, she spent so much time with every single person and seeing everyone’s faces coming out that room was so magical. the event was supposed to be over at 11pm and it’s literally 1:30am when it was my time to meet her. she’d literally been meeting people for HOURS and is 2 and half hours past the end time and she didn’t even mind. everyone was so eager to go inside that me and the girls decided to wait till the end.

so evie had just come out and now it’s my turn. i almost fainted, i was so dizzy and nervous and WHEN I TELL U I WAS PETRIFIED TO GO INSIDE, I ACTUALLY MEAN IT BECAUSE I WAS STOOD OUTSIDE THE DOOR REFUSING TO GO IN FOR ABOUT A MINUTE CAUSE I COULD JUST SEE HER STOOD THERE AND I WASN’T READY BECAUSE LIKE I’VE DREAMT ABOUT THIS MOMENT SINCE FOREVER. emma and lisa we’re stood there laughing trying to force me inside as well as a girl from TN. took me a good minute but i finally walked in, i walk over to her trying not to cry AGAIN and she’s stood there smiling at me and she says to me “it’s tyler isn’t it?” and i was like JDJSKDJD “yeah 😭😭😭😭” cause i didn’t think she knew who i was and i was just randomly picked by TN??? she then pulled me in for the biggest hug and i just felt like this is it, i’m gonna bloody pass out. I TOLD HER THAT WAITING IN THAT QUEUE TO MEET HER WAS LIKE WAITING FOR THE ELECTRIC CHAIR and i was like why tf did i just say that omg but she laughed and was like “omg hahaha it’s like waiting for the electric chair that’s so funny” then i gave her the lover necklace i’d gotten made for her so we had matching and she kept saying how much she loved and how beautiful it was. then said “i love your necklace” with a little smirk because i was wearing her ‘TS’ initial necklace and my heart just went HDAJHDJDDH. then she asked did i enjoy the day and i was like of course??? it was so amazing i couldn’t stop crying and she was like “aw i had so much fun, i love doing these” and then she asked how i’d gotten here and i told her that i had to take 4 trains and she looked so shocked and thanked me for doing that and asked if i was travelling afterwards and i told her i had a hotel and she goes “omg good, PLEASE don’t talk to any strangers” and i’m just like YEAH OF COURSE ANYTHING FOR U MISS SWIFT :’)))) i hugged her about 3 more times and i asked her about tour, and how she found me and she said she’d found me on tumblr and literally said “its tylovestaylor right?” and i was just like WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. IM SCARED. cause i barely use tumblr because i’m the only one who reblogs myself??? and i’d gotten my dm on twitter so my mind was like wtf is going on right now?? i told her i changed my url and she said she’d follow me 🥺 then says “so do you wanna like... take a picture together or something?” YEAH OF COURSE, IM A BIT OF A MESS RN BUT ABSOLUTELY. she asks what i wanted to do for the photo like stand, sit, go near the piano? and i told her to choose because my mind was just all over the place and she says to me “i think one sitting down with our legs crossed over acting all (then does some pose) and stuff” i just couldn’t believe what was actually happening. we sit down next to each other and she grabs my hand and i’m just holding her and the photographer takes the photo and she tells me to have a look to see if i like it and i said i looked so bad and she goes “ITS SO CUTE, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL AND PHOTOGENIC” then the photographer told me i was really photogenic and tay goes “SEE SHE EVEN SAID IT” did taylor swift..who invented photos and beauty... just call me beautiful and photogenic? surely not. so we took one more pic and she said she loved it so i loved it😭😭😭 we got up and hugged again and i just kept saying i love you and she told me i was beautiful and i was like SO ARE U???? and then i told her that i still don’t believe she’s real and she laughed. we hugged again i told her i loved her as i was walking out she shouts “please get home safely” and i said “have a safe flight wherever you’re going next” at the same time and she laughed and was like “OMG THANKYOU?” and i walked out and the emotions i was going through oh my god. i’d just met my favourite person in the entire world? like never in a million years did i think i’d ever meet her let alone get handpicked for secret sessions. i was in so much shock like it wasn’t real. that never happened? i’m still in shock now and literally crying writing this. she was so lovely and welcoming and spoke to me like she’d known me forever.

AND AFTER ALL THAT, SHE DECIDES SHE WANTS ME LITERALLY DEAD AND LIKES MY POST ON HERE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. RIGHT AFTER I’D MET HER.

i couldn’t get over how beautiful she is, inside and out like i already knew that but seeing her in real life is so different, she’s literally flawless and so cute and delicate and i’ll literally die for this woman. thankyou so much, from the bottom of my heart @taylorswift for choosing me out of 100m+ fans, i’ll never understand why i was chosen but i can’t explain how grateful i am. it was by far the best day i’ve ever had in my 18 years of being alive, nothing will ever come close to that moment. i cant wait for everyone else to hear this album, i miss you and your hugs already and i forgot to tell you because my mind was blank but i’m insanely proud of you and will support you forever. promise.

[greatcomettexting2]

the thing about the mod steph and mod nero of greatcomettexting is that i never got to parse out how icky they made me feel whenever i drew boundaries but i really want to because i still feel icky about it so ill warm myself some cawfee and do it now

nero talks a lot about how “none of us what REAL callout worthy things hes done!!” but i figure so long as my skins crawling about how obsessed they both were with me then i can risk his constant talk in every new server he joined about how he “has attempted literal actual murder” even if it was just him having an episode in high school and lobbing a brick

mod steph’s already had a huge history of not knowing when to draw boundaries with people and theres a dozen fucking people who can vouch for this because they all stopped talking to her once she started this weird shit. whether it was suicide baiting people into pitying her and listening to her for like all of 2017 or copy pasting other peoples vents to send herself(wild?) in the Vent Channel. clara talks a lot every one or two years about how much shes “changed” but she continually tests these boundaries to fuck around with people and nero isnt better in this respect at all. it felt like sometimes theyd realize something was a boundary for someone and then trigger it on purpose 

like. the first and biggest and weirdest thing is that nero and clara would take entire conversations i’d had years ago and roleplay them out WORD FOR WORD in text or on call. sometimes id get uncomfortable with how clearly they remembered each word in the conversation. this wasnt a one off thing, this went on from 2018 to today, and it really really disturbed me, but i had no idea how to talk to either of them about it, because when i did clara would act like she had no clue what i was talking about, and say shit like ““listen jules, i feel like this is one of those instances where you think somethings happening, but it isnt.” the excuse nero used for this was that “ive always thought jules was so cool” but that doesnt explain copying out entire conversations i had that he shouldnt really remember from as early as 2017. it did feel at times like he enjoyed taking on the role of me in these conversations and saying the things i said out loud. this got very very creepy very very fast

that brings me to the next thing which was this. weird obsessive fascination mod steph had with my approval. there is just so much shit.  she picked up her other name “clara” from a friend i have named kai who used to go by clara--the reason steph picked this name was because i would gush a lot about kai to her (which made me really happy because clara would have borderline suicidal breakdowns when i talked about my other friends.) she got really really fucking uncomfortable whenever i gave approval to anyone else too and would act like. a petulant child if i couldnt give her compliments she wanted. the most recent example of this was that i complimented someones selfie that wasnt hers she stayed cold to me for two days. i finally decided to ask her what was wrong and she admitted she had felt “kind of bad” when i ignored her selfie and when i asked her why she didnt communicate this to me, she explained she gets kind of “mean when shes high” (she doesnt, she has a bpd break for julesyboy’s approval when shes high.) she would also get super uncomfortable when i expressed attraction to Anyone, (romantic OR platonic) and begin comparing herself to them (why do this) on text and on call. a most memorable recent experience of this was when i explained to her in detail about a guy i like who’d bit his knuckle, and then she posted selfies everywhere of her blushing profusely and. biting her knuckle (and it really really wasnt the same, poor thing, she really did try.) theres dozens upon dozens of examples of this

and i realise that whole paragraph is wild and kind of funny if you think about it in the context of... like, a kid who admires the attention of their friend. but clara and nero would try their hardest all the time to test everyones boundaries to the point where it got way too weird. if nero knew something was specific to someones abuse he’d make sure to push them about it or make posts about how “weak!” it was for people to deal with “x and x.” or if someone were to expressed a self harming behaviour he would jump in w “OMG! LISTEN! I DO THIS TOO!!.” or he would make jokes about him “selling pics! this is just a reminder! :3 happy valentines day!” (same post, all platforms) before three of my friends who were sex workers approached me asking if this was a weird little joke. it really did feel like at times he said things he knew would shock people the most. and it really did feel like at times every time someone said something out of the ordinary he would. go out of his way trying to say he did that too, it wasnt a big deal. “it doesnt matter if youve self harmed yourself a lot, have i talked about how i once attempted murder yet. does that sound too edgy? i know people are scared of me... omg... omg omg.” and like this is all fine because if you hear his tinkly baby voice on call none of this shit is all that scary, no matter how much he talks about “how his friends think hes really really tough” (where are his friends.) but it does get a little weird when you think about how much of my trauma i confided in both of these two only to have nero blow it off, and how much they enjoyed doing that thing where they would roleplay out my conversations  from 2017 with nero in the role of saying the things i responded with.

the reason ive typed out this long ass post is bc it literally just made my skin itch a little. it still does. when nero and clara would Do The Thing where they played out jules’ old conversations and . when they would post a lot of selfies with captions like “ahhh i love myself! i promise!” only to see my pictures from 2017 and go “ughh... i was REALLY ugly back then, but i promise im pretty now! clara/nero was ugly too, not gonna lie!” before venting about how they were never satsified w their reflections in the mirror it was weird. when clara would vent every night i didnt compliment like. a fucking selfie of hers. about how Unloved She Truly Was it was weird. like bros i am an abused neet living at home and after im done college im fucking out of here forever... u have nothing to be weirdly obsessed about, and copying out conversations i had with you and things i said to years ago won’t make u love yourself any more

tldr: mods neroratio and stephclara were very microobsessed with my attention and with attention in general to the point where they would literally roleplay being me and act like i was “making things up in my head” when i asked them wtf was wrong. and if you remember them from greatcomettexting and admired them for speaking their truth then like. this is what they were like

[needyoulikeaheartbeet]

FOLKLORE FIRST THOUGHTS

ft. very little editing LONG SONGS! LONG SONGS! AESTHETIC TITLE! 63 MINUTES!

1. the 1

PIANO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg her voice is so soft if you wanted me you really shouldve showed IF YOU NEVER BLEED YOURE NEVER GONNA GROW OMG ALREADY A BANGER LINE OMG HOW SHE SINGS THE BRIDGE YESSSSSS THATS CATCHYYY

2. cardigan*

DEEP VOICE SULTRY OOOOOOOOOO the piano reminds me of jazz the IIIII hand under my sweatshirt baby kiss it better omg this is sexi ? OMGGGGGGGGGGGG wow the chorus and when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone’s bed you put me on and said i was your favourite WOW playing hide and seek part omg her voice the IIIII part is sooooooooo nice omg this is hot but sad but like NICE THE STRINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JADORE TELLEMENT you drew stars around my scars but now im bleeding THE STRINGS THE CHORUS THIS IS SO GOOOOOOOD IM CRYING PETER LOSING WENDY this is tugging on my heart strings... that bridge... wow... im literally crying tears rolled down my cheeks wow that was so beautiful im still crying LOL

3. the last great american dynasty

oo that twang-y in the distance im still crying from cardigan sorry all her what friends? was that bleeped? LOL [The clean version of the album on Spotify was available for me before the explicit version] omg how she sangboys you can HEAR her smiling i love it so much my precious bean THESE STORYTELLING LYRICS I NEED TO RELISTEN TO IT ALL STARLIGHT VIBES? omg i had a marvelous tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime <3

4. exile (FEAT BON IVER!!!! OMG?!!!)*

i love how much piano there is in this taylor i love it thank u WHAT A RICH VOICE youre not my homeland anymore?? so what am i defending nwo? im baby STRINGS!!!! <3 this reminds me of the last time kinda duet i cri balancing on breaking bridges im not your problem anymore so who am i offending omg wow her voice is so pretty i gave so many <3

5. my tears ricochet

omg the intro is nice is that her voice? or keyboard voices i didnt have it in myself to go with grace that electronic voice during chorus reminded me of getaway car... i c u jack + the beat... in the bridge wait wake? I NEED LYRICS TO FOLLOW ALONG SKFSKDFNS TOO DISTRACTED AND CONSUMED BY THE MUSIC [I was indeed distracted and not following the lyrics so I thought the wake was connected to one of the previous songs gskng I was like who died omg dummy]

6. mirrorball

ooo this sounds pretty from the start this sounds like a gem i find on youtube at 2 am when no one is around my dear! oooo i like AW SHINING JUST FOR YOU! IN HER HIGHEST HEELS, LOVE? That's so cute i can change eerything about me to try to fit in is SO relatable her vocals r so pretti aw this song makes me smile, the bridge was v cute [Little did I know when I’d relisten and read the lyrics that this song is not one to make you smile ma’am]

7. seven

this is different! this doesnt even sound like her omg but its so nice omg the verse hehe cute THE STRINGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS YES big fan aw is this from kids pov? pirates poor lil bb sweet tea in the summer, cross my heart wont tell no other

this is different but beautiful

8. august

oooo yes another youtube sounding gem with the quality of the music and her voice oh wow how she sang more OMG YES louder THIS IS NICE twisting in bed sheets aw cause u were never mine oh wow after second chorus the MUSIC YES THIS IS SO NICE IM SO HAPPY AND CONSUMED one ting? huh? cancel plans in case you call... omg

MEET ME BEHIND THE MALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you werent mine to lose aw... this song i like a lot

omg the story telling im crying i missed this so much it reminds me of fearless era this is so wow tat resumed loudly LOL i laff but omg this is like happy but sad at the same time THE STRINGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I CANT THIS MUSIC IS SO NICE I WANT IT TO CONSUME ME AND JUST LISTEN TO IT FOREVER like an instrumental version. just driving. even this version. this was so nice. i missed storytelling like this. i adore

9. this is me trying

i like dis so far yes, another youtube gem ORCHESTRA my words shoot to kill when im mad i have a lo of regrets about that sphere omg at least im trying!!! wow ma'am that was so pretty ???? the build up to the bridge wow jack?

10. illicit affairs*

beautiful guitar, wow omg yes those vocals?? lil guys? or is that guitar i like oh wow yeah def an illicit affair huh this is pretty folk dis make me sad but excellent storytelling omg

clandestine meetings ooooo the BRIDGE YES omg !!!! youve shown me colours that you know i cant see with anyone else you taught me a secret language i cant speak with anyone else OWWWWWWW

11. invisible string

this is fun to dance to its so cute bad blood ? *side eye emoji* prechorus is really nice and catchy her voice is so nice ugh i like this bridge <3 is this about joe? chains around my demons one single thread of gold tied me to you!!!! centennial park blues then purple pink skies! lover <3

12. mad woman

nice piano and strings the beat o wow i hate you forever (... is this clean? fuck you forever?) UPDATE IT IS FUCK YOU FOREVER WOO! omg you found something to wrap your noose around w o w, that's so powerful women like hunting witches too; omg wanting me dead has brought you two together wow but when she sang it wow i love watching you climb over people like me wow this is pain :( the vocals in the background are so nice and add to the feeling it makes my tummy sad :(

those back vocals make me think she can still sing safe and sound live one day maybe so tha tmakes me happy though

13. epiphany

the intro feels like an epiphany lemme tell ya i close my eyes thats nice i dont understand whats happening i need lyrics to follow along but it sounds nice strings <3 does this have to do with the wake? the outro is so soothing british accent?

14. betty

country! this is country! COUNTRY! OMG SHES SINGING COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOO!!!!!!! LIKE ACCENT! OMG the classic storytelling... taylors so good at this my god the worst thing that i ever did was what i did to you PARDY music between chorus and bridge UGH YES JAMES! YESSSS THE SOLO BREAKDOWN yes the only thing i wanna do is make it up to you i showed up at your party? aw! (and then you kicked me out LOL) will you have me will you love me will you kiss me on the porch aw shes so talented wtf. man aw standing in your cardigan kissing in my car again stopped at a street light you know i miss you aw [this was the clear trio clue lol]

15. peace

omg that guitar yes sexi rich deep yez thats so nice

that was catchy omg (when she started) OMG IT IS CENSORED...... i talk * with my friends? GIVE US THE UNCENSORED GOODIES CMON!!! oh i just saw the one thats explicit CLOWNS TO THE WEST WEY IT US aw the rains always gonna come when youre standing with me

16. hoax

so simple, vocals and piano wowie omg best laid plan around there the STRINGS are stunning. seriously stunning wow im obsessed this is nice sad feels the guitar added agh yes omg im gonna cry it still hurts beneath my scars when tey pulled me apart im cryin.... that part im cryin!!!!!!!!! THIS WHOLE BIT the background vocals are stunning her voice :( the stirngs :( the piano :( the guitar :( the simplicity :( me saying okay and nodding while crying

Note. The asterisk was me trying to decode which songs were part of the trio, but I kind of lost track and got confused once we hit Betty / I was too distracted by it being country hahaha

[username-echo-is-taken]

Roadtrip~CNCO Headcanon

OMG GUYS THERES 300 OF YOU FOLLOWING ME LIKE WTF IM SHOOK!!!! In celebration of that I decided to finally finish a request I received MONTHSSS ago! But I hope you guys enjoy! I LOVE YOU ALL 🥰❤️

Requested: “headcanon about the guys going on a long drive with them being the driver” by @cedanana 3 MONTHS AGO ASLKGSHFL I’M SOOOO SORRY!!! I started working on this forever ago and welp here we are now, and it’s not even good 🙃and it’s not even what you really asked for sorry bby 😔

Warnings: horrible writing skills LMAO

Author’s Note: this is wayyyyy too long to post as one so I’m posting one half today and the other half tomorrow when I finish it! So sorry for the inconvenience!

Zabdiel: Sightseeing as much of Puerto Rico!-several hours and stops

It’s your first time visiting Puerto Rico and Zabdi is sooo excited for his amor to explore his island with him

Neither of you slept much because y’all stayed up late going over your route plan for the 10th time

He wakes up earlier than you to make breakfast

Brings it to you in bed like the gentleman he is...but you’re two bites in when he starts rushing you out of pure excitement lol

You ask him to pick out your outfit bc 1.) he knows the weather and activities so he can dress you appropriately and 2.) you want him to enjoy EVERY little thing about your trip...he thinks this trip is about you but to you it’s all about him, seeing him so happy and excited makes your heart melt UWU BITCH 😭

Your first stop is to get snacks obvio

He takes you to all the cool spots close to his house to get them out of the way *insert small photo shoot*

The next destination is about an hour away so cue the carpool karaoke!!

Of course he’s singing like an angel on Earth and well let’s just say you were not that impressive YIKES

You got videos of both but only the ones of him are posted so you can keep some of your dignity lol

Zabdi being Zabdi, he randomly pulls over to the side of the road, jumps out of the car, picks a pretty flower, and gives it to you, “una belleza pa’ mi bellisima novia”

YOU LOVE THIS MAN™️

Little do you know that he has been taking secret pictures and videos of you to add to the album on his phone so whenever he has to go away on tour he can always have a piece of his amor

By the end of the trip you are completely IN LOVE with the island, appreciating all of its beauty with the love of your life

When you get back, after you’ve had a shower and are in bed you get a notification that Zabdiel De Jesus has uploaded a picture….you look over at him and he has a tiny smirk on his face and he lets out a giggle bc he uploaded the LEAST flattering picture of you from when you caught him taking a picture so you made an ugly face at him

Butttt don’t worry he also posted nice ones bc he’s nice like that

Joel: Disneyland!-Hesperia to Disneyland-under 2 hours depending on traffic

It’s Christmas time and it’s your first year spending it with Joel and his family (ok but who wouldn’t want to spend it with them?! It looks so fun!)

They all find out you’ve never been to Disney and it’s like a bullet to the chest to them LMAO

Soooo Joey has taken it upon himself to take your Disney virginity lol

He likes to be very organized so of course he made a list of which rides y’all are gonna go on and in what order

He makes sure you’re all asleep at a good time bc he knows how you get if you don’t get enough sleep lol

You two wake up a little earlier to help his mom make sandwiches and snacks for the journey

Since there are so many of y’all going you have to take two cars, his mom driving one and him driving the other

He asks everyone for songs to add to the playlist he created and y’all jam tf out

The music is so loud his mom has his little brother call you and tell y’all to TURN THAT SHIT DOWN cause they can hear it from their car OOPS

When you make it there, barely alive bc Joelito decided to get distracted by some freakin birds...yea...birds... you’re a little worried if his plan will work because it’s PACKED, I mean c’mon what did he expect around Christmas

He knows it too and he has a sad little pout on his cute face making you sad too because who wants to see this baby sad???

He just wants this to be the best first experience

What he doesn’t realize is that you could literally just sit in silence with him and you would be over the moon

You spend the day, holding hands, walking around, riding the rides, just having an amazing time

You’re having sooo much fun you don’t even think about getting some pictures together but don’t worry his brothers and cousins have it handled lmao

Your favorite is a video of you and Joel dancing when he twirls you around and pulls you back into his chest for a hug, and you definitely feel like a princess

During the drive back home, everyone in the back seats are asleep and you whisper to Joel how much fun you had and how much you love and appreciate him for everything

Homeboy wants to cry deadass lol

He holds your hand while he drives and every so often he brings it up to his mouth so he can give it a kiss

When you get home he makes you a hot chocolate and you stay up for a while just talking and enjoying each other’s company before snuggling up to go to sleep

Richard: Universal Resort!-Miami to Orlando-3 ½ hours

This papi wants to take his 2 girls out for a fun weekend, and where can you have fun all day without getting tired..? UNIVERSAL!! (not that I would actually know bc i’ve never actually been LMAO)

The 3 of you are beyond excited, although you might be a bit more excited than Aaliyah, but shhh no one has to know

The night before, you sit in Aaliyah’s room, asking her about certain outfits before putting them in her little ‘going-away-bag’, before tucking her into bed, not noticing that Richard has been watching with a smile on his face, until you hear him walking towards his baby girl to kiss her goodnight OOF

Soft Papi Richard makes you swoon™️

You guys then move to your room to pack your stuff

We all know he would take longer to pack his stuff because “this shirt matches these pants, but so does this one...i’ll take both...but what shoes tho?”

Since you’ve been so excited you already mentally planned your outfits lol and maybeee,just maybe, you bought 2 new swimsuits that you know he would drool over

You’re already in bed by the time Rich is finally done, you’re halfway asleep when he gets into bed so he just kisses your forehead and plays with your hair

In the morning, you get up a few minutes earlier than planned so you can make a few sandwiches and a few other snacks, but you already know they’re gonna be gone within the first hour so a pitstop for food is a must lol

CNCO is playing the entire ride because Aaliyah wants to hear Papa sing, but who are you kidding, you want to hear your angel sing too

When you finally get to Universal you quickly get to your room and leave just as fast as you got there lol

Y’all spend the entire first day going on rides and just walking around admiring all the beautiful things

You and Richard are both half asleep on the way back to the room, and Aaliyah is asleep in his arms

The next morning (almost lunch because y’all wore yourselves out lmao) you have brunch in bed and watch a movie for a while before getting ready to go to the pool!

Let’s just say that your man’s jaw drops real quick, and he most def can’t keep his hands off of you

You spend a few hours at the pool, enjoying the water and the sun before heading back to the room to take a nap before dinner

Y’all were going to a somewhat fancier restaurant so you spent a bit more time doing your hair and makeup before putting on a beautiful dress

You then get Aaliyah into her dress and you do her hair all cute and shit while Richard is finishing getting ready

After dinner comes desert obviously so back to the park you go to find some ice cream!

You quickly but thoroughly enjoy it before heading back to the room to change into comfy clothes for the drive back home