#''why are some people tagged and some people not'' normal question with a complex answer of uhhh hopes and prayers i hope this helps

[tkachukisms]

long time no post... i've had this shit ready to post for like a week. and should've done it then. but uhhh but uhhhh but uuhhhhhhhh. what's the deal with airplane food am i right. | <- omgggg prev

[andraxicated]

Intimacy in all its forms pt.2

Pairings: cyno, xiao, tighnari, kazuha, zhongli x f! reader

tags: fluff | highschool au!

a/n: this will be 3 parts with other characs!

pt. 1 |

Cyno | The intimacy of just looking at someone and dissolving into laughter together

his jokes never land for other people and to you. the only thing that was laughable was the deafening silence that followed. yet somehow with a thing called eye contact in an especially serious time, you find your body stilling to hold back the laughter that threatens to spill out while you present a project in front of the class.

it's all cyno's fault. he's staring at you with that dead look in his eyes and arms crossed and he knows what he's doing. he's also holding back his laughter but the way your voice subtly cracks renders him shaking that his seatmate asks if he was okay.

you constantly coughed to hide slips and continued presenting, not wanting to look at cyno anymore. "so therefore this model—hff! ehem—tells us of the relationship between variable 1—...and 2......"

so when the presentation ends, you came back to your seat with a glare at cyno as he looks down at the table to avoid eye contact. he's sitting with a hand over his mouth, pretending to not notice you passing by his desk. and when break time comes, you approach cyno and slap him on the back, garnering a groan from the man who was caught unaware of your presence.

"what was that for?" he asks, rubbing the part that was slapped.

"what do you think? you keep looking at me with a funny face!" you cry out and cyno rebuts, "that's my normal face though. just say that whenever you see me you start laughing 'cause you're so in love with me." with how blunt he was in saying those words, you were reminded of the fact that he actually graduated from being your friend, to now being your boyfriend. he's always there to make your ears bleed with those awful jokes that you secretly love, it was like a trademark of his personality.

you smirk, looking right into his eyes, but before you could retort a comeback with your mouth hanging open. both of you suddenly dissolve into uncontrollable laughter for absolutely no reason. it was just the way it was with cyno.

Xiao | The intimacy of someone sharing the meaning behind their tattoos

you knew him back then in middle school, he was quiet and sat at the back of the class. he was in the middle percentile with his grades and never quite stood out among everyone else. xiao was just there and you never cared. you transferred to a different high school yet you never knew a familiar face would one day come walking into the classroom and being introduced as a new student.

there's a saying that goes whoever sits next to you on the first day will become your friend. and that's quite what happened to you and xiao; you get lunch together, form eye contact to partner up, share some snacks, and your seats are closer than the others, plus, you frequently come over to his house bringing his favorite almond tofu

in everyone's eyes, you two were already an item yet you still had a question lingering at the back of your mind.

"I gotta ask...why do you always have a jacket on? even if it's summer you somehow stand the heat" xiao gulps at your question, he could never lie to you especially when you look at him like that. he answers, "I have a tattoo"

"wha-? can I see it??" you raise your brow as xiao nods, slowly taking his jacket off, showing his milky white skin and a green tattoo that almost covered his arm. your eyes widened in surprise and you wanted to ask him if a highschooler can even have a tattoo as big as that. but the question that comes out of your mouth was a bit different. "what's the meaning of it?"

it was too complex and entrancing, making you want to run your fingers over and trace them.

"it's a mythical being—an illuminated beast. a guardian spirit that protects humans against pestilence and evil." he momentarily looked at your reaction, waiting for you to be weirded out but you stayed silent with a glimmer in your eyes. "I...feel like an evil spirit. everyone around me has left in an accident, bad luck follows me and clings to them. their lives are cut too short and I'm starting to think—"

"that's not going to happen." you cut him off as his voice started to waver. you held his hand, caressing it to let him feel the warmth he craved. "whatever you're thinking isn't true. accidents are accidents and it has nothing to do with you."

he kept beating himself up with the guilt like he's some kind of grim reaper to the people around him. yet all it took to kill the negativity in his mind was your words. all it took was a caress of your hand and xiao then thought that he'd be simply okay if he were to just cling onto you.

Tighnari | The intimacy of ordering food and “shall we share it?”

you feel like you can't get used to this. this has been normal since you were friends but after becoming his girlfriend, it's like every little thing had a whole new different meaning. such as tighnari saying "that's all you want?" while nodding to your choice of dish on the menu. he's too absorbed in looking at the list to properly look at your mouth slightly parted.

"how about you? i'll treat you this time." you collect yourself yet still nervously tapping your fingers against your uniform. you don't even know if he likes this place you've dragged him to. considering, he's taking his time with the menu while covering his face. little do you know he's doing it all to hide the flush in his cheeks. because like you, he can't get used to this dating thing either.

"didn't you tell your friend that your allowance ran out earlier?" he spoke and your eyes widened, not expecting him to catch on that sorry excuse to your friend. truthfully...

"I still have some. I lied to her because I wanted to spend the last of my money with you."

an awful silence followed your words as you prayed for the ground to swallow you whole. it was becoming unbearably quiet until a held-back laughter escaped from tighnari's lips. he put down the menu to finally let you see his face and reddened ears. your sweet boyfriend was just looking at the menu to balance out what's your favorite and what's easy on the wallet. he can't have you spending lots when you're treating him, especially when you have other stuff like online shopping on who knows what.

"when the food arrives, shall we share it?"

"what?"

"ah? you don't want to share?"

"no! I mean I want to share!—you're so annoying!" you say as you stumble upon your words as tighnari only laughs. the bickering never goes away even as a couple.

Kazuha | The intimacy of sharing secrets in the nighttime, because 3am will never tell

the call time read 1 hour and 6 minutes as the clock hit 3 am. what you talked about for the past hour was a blur as you yawn, waiting for kazuha to come back from his bathroom break. you wanted to end the call, not wanting to hear any more of his girl problems and save yourself from the heartbreak of hearing him talk about someone so affectionately.

yet you're hopelessly in love with him, inwardly groaning when his voice comes to come in. "are you still there?" you hate that his voice made your heart pound. "mhm, I'm here"

"so...what do you think about what I said earlier? should I confess?" he asked as you grip your favorite plushie, wanting to smack its smiley face staring at you before you throw your phone. maybe you could use that as an excuse to not answer him at all.

you think about it deeply, not caring about his concern about your silence—not that you know what he's feeling. "I think..." you wanted to be the evil girl bestfriend and ruin his chances but you think about the karma that's gonna bite you back in the ass so you chose again, rolling your eyes as you speak. "I think you should confess if you're feeling confident anyway. if you get your heart broken then move on. we're still in highschool anyway it's not gonna last."

you wanted to smack yourself at those last words, it's obvious kazuha's not gonna like what you said yet he only laughs, shaking his head on the other side. "well, I want her to last because I'm envisioning a future with her. and...what about you? do you like someone?"

he's making your ears bleed. "yeah I like someone. I'm quite close with him actually."

"really?" you raise a brow at his long pause. "who?"

"he's a nobody."

kazuha chuckles, making you pout on the other line. "that's quite mean to say to the guy you like."

"he deserves it. because he's being mean to me." you reply and kazuha asks, "should I confront him? I'm quite good with a sword but I can't take it out of the house...maybe I could drag heizou with me since he's good at throwing punches—"

"yeah. knock yourself out. bye." you quickly end the call, screaming into your pillow as anxiety floods your brain if he ever caught onto what you said. you actually hope he doesn't. maybe if he asks about it you'll say that it means he should sleep, it's not about you liking him!

the dread of a message ping fills the air and you want to just sleep this in, worry about your pathetic advances in the morning. by burying your head in the pillow, you soon fall asleep to the sound of two other pings.

(y/n) I'm gonna tell you something tomorrow. for now, have a good sleep :)

Zhongli | The intimacy of stopping to wait when someone needs to tie their shoe

he's blabbering all about history like a broken record as you pass by his favorite landmark in the city—an old building that was architecturally majestic and had a lot of history. you take your eyes off it when you step on a shoelace come undone, letting out a small sigh as you kneel on the ground.

you tie it swiftly and rose your head to catch gazes with zhongli who's staring from a towering height. "why were you staring like that?" you stand up, dusting some dirt on your pants as you walk beside him in a sudden silence.

"I was waiting for you." he says and you smile, shaking your head as you interlock fingers with him.

"I thought you weren't gonna notice me. you do that sometimes you know? leaving me behind." "I don't know what you're talking about." zhongli deadpans as you exchange banter, you were giggling most of the time with your own jokes while zhongli can't do anything but watch you laugh. he suddenly looks down at your shoes and you soon feel it too. the other shoelace had come undone like earlier.

yet before you could squat down to fix it, zhongli did it first with his deft fingers between the laces, double tying to prevent it from loosening while you wait for him and beam down like a child. he stands up to his full height and doesn't question why you're smiling, instead, he holds out his hand for you to take, intertwining fingers as people see a highschool couple walk down the street too close to each other. zhongli eventually got used to the pda.

"thank you" you whisper as you wait for the stoplight. he then pulls your head closer to press a kiss, whispering back with a smile he fails to hide.

"don't mention it"

[elvensorceress]

sunday sentences

tagged by @hippolotamus @alyxmastershipper @monsterrae1 @disasterbuckdiaz @wikiangela @messyhairdiaz @giddyupbuck no pressure tagging if you have something and want to share 💕 @spotsandsocks @shortsighted-owl @mysteriouslyyounggalaxy @shitouttabuck @cowboy-buddie @bekkachaos @bigassdiaz @heartshapedvows @ebdaydreamer @wildlife4life @theotherluciferr @transbuck @butchdiaz @911onabc @spaceprincessem 💕 It's been soooo long idk who has done this and who hasn't, but some lovely people tagged me and I have a random thing to share? I have no idea what it is yet, but here, you can has.

“Hen,” he says very slowly and patiently so she doesn’t get the wrong idea. “I’m not gay.” 

“Eddie,” she says with a barely contained edge of exasperation that can only be perfected by someone who deals with very young children or a stream of incompetent, rude, bigoted, ignorant assholes on a regular basis. “Liking men doesn’t automatically mean ‘gay.’ There’s infinite variation between ‘gay’ and ‘straight.’ It’s not an ‘either/or’ situation. Sexuality is complex, multilayered. Gender identity is the same way. People don’t fit in neat categories.”

Eddie lets out a sigh that is almost as agitated as he is, and he tries very hard not to roll his eyes. No one wants to be on the end of an annoyed, grumpy Hen. “I’m not bi either. I’m not being—” When he tries to think of a word to describe what he’s trying to describe, and comes up with nothing. His mind is blank. Zero. Run dry. Wiped clean of everything. Much like the whole of his love life or sexuality or whatever they’re going to call it. He settles for, “Like that. I’m not homophobic. I love you. And Karen. And I don’t— There’s nothing wrong with it. I don’t think there is. I don’t have a problem with anyone being gay or whatever else. I’m just not— I’m not. Queer. That’s not me. I’m not—”

His breath stops and his words fail and he’s pretty sure his hands and fingers go numb. Somewhere across the station, Buck laughs. He’s laughing. In a bright, joyous, throw your head back and burst with happiness from the depths of your whole heart and soul. Because Buck is like that. He’s glowing, wonderful, pure sunshine and warmth. 

And Eddie knows his voice. Eddie knows his laugh. 

Eddie knows his smile and his warmth and his endless loyalty and devotion so well that it makes his own chest tighten. 

How can anyone breathe properly in the face of something so magnificent? How can anyone’s heart not rush after hearing him, watching him, knowing him? 

It’s normal. There’s nothing extraordinary about it. Buck is extraordinary but this isn’t extraordinary. If you watched a vivid sunset or held a sleeping child or ate your favorite meal or heard your favorite song or somehow found peace, contentment, reprieve from loneliness— it’s only reasonable that you’d get a flood of happy chemicals through your body that make you feel pleasant. 

That’s all it is. There’s nothing more to it. 

Eddie swallows hard and his skin prickles electric danger in the air all around him. “I can’t be. It’s not that— I’m not being— I’m just not. That. I can’t be that.” 

Hen’s gaze narrows like she’s diagnosing problems and wow, does Eddie need their shift to be over immediately. Why has it only barely started. She tips her head, looks at him sideways, looks elsewhere in the station like maybe in the direction of Buck and his laugh and his happiness and life-giving sunshine. “You can’t be that,” she says still without looking at him, like it’s not a question and she’s not expecting an answer, and there are alarms in his head and knots in his stomach and neon warning lights everywhere. 

That’s right. He can’t be that. He can’t be and he’s not, and it has nothing to do with sexuality or orientation or homophobia or fucked up expectations for someone of a certain gender. 

And Hen of course zeros in on that. “You can’t be queer,” she says again like it’s so simple and easy and fragile and why does it feel thinner than ice in 120° Los Angeles summer? “Because then you could be in love with Buck.”

Is it hot in here? Of course it’s hot in here. It’s far too hot and Eddie has on too many layers. Not that he wants to take off anything because Buck — and Chimney but Chim isn’t the whole fucking issue here — bounds up the stairs and over to the sofas where Eddie and Hen were drinking coffee and not discussing anything. They weren’t talking and there were no comments or incriminating accusations made. Buck plops himself right next to Eddie (because why wouldn’t he) and then launches into a story, something Chim had been telling him about Jee-Yun and Maddie and bubble soap, and Buck is beaming and clearly trying not to get too animated or bouncy with his wild gestures and reenactments. 

But maybe that’s only clear to Eddie. Because he knows how Buck gets when he’s excited and how he tries to hold himself back and it makes tension wind through his back and shoulders and thighs—

And Eddie is not thinking about Buck’s thighs. 

Eddie is not looking at Buck at all. 

No one can look directly at the sun. They’ll only be burned. They’ll only be blinded. 

It would only ruin everything. 

But there’s warmth next to Eddie. Enough that his skin is too cold, too icy, and his heart is too frozen, and of course none of Eddie dating ever works and of course Eddie never feels anything. There may be faraway stars but his universe spins around and pulls him into the sun. There’s only one sun. There’s only one Buck. 

He smells like coconut and vanilla. Sweetness and softness that’s rare and rich and decadent. They’re not even touching but he’s so close, they could. If they wanted. 

If he wanted, he could touch. If he wanted, he could pull Buck into his arms and kiss him and Eddie could love him the way he should be and Eddie would never let him feel undeserving or like he isn’t enough and Eddie wouldn’t let go of him for a single moment.

Eddie can’t think like that. He can’t because he’s not into anyone, never will be into anyone, and that’s the end of it. 

He’s not in love with Buck. He can’t be. It’s impossible. 

Buck laughs again as he finishes his story and immediately turns to Eddie with his big blue eyes and his bright smile and his effusive personality. 

Eddie smiles back, he tries to but knows it’s weak and that anyone could see through it. But Buck especially will be able to. So, Eddie does what he does best. 

He gets up and runs. 

[palant1r]

I feel like you're a good person and smart, so here is a question for you. A fanfic site is bound to be popular with kids. Say a child is being abused, and they go to AO3 and all they see is fics romanticizing their abuse/incestual abuse/ etc. It'll tell them it's erotic and enjoyable and A-OK. If they were to read a fic that portrayed it as a bad thing though, then they can see that their abuse is bad. I know it's unrealistic to ban all fics that portray it as a good thing [1/2]

This ask is full of so many wild ass logical leaps and baffling conclusions that I debated not answering it at all, but you've caught me in a good mood with a lot of time on my hands, so.

First of all: methodological concerns. "They did a poll a while back" who the hell is They? Is this a tumblr poll? Why are we assigning any significance to whether or not half of the users who happened to see a tumblr poll that was likely produced by someone who shared their biases THOUGHT that SOMEONE THEY KNEW had seen pedophilia and incest normalized by fic? That's such an ass backwards thing to base any position on.

You want to save the kids. Sure. Admirable goal. But the premise of your proposal here is based entirely on conjecture and the results of some poll that They did. Also, hey, most underage/incest content on ao3 is WELL TAGGED. Meaning that, when someone clicks on it and reads it, even IF the actual subject matter is "romanticized" there is literally a heading for the reader saying "THIS WORK DEPICTS [THING], WHICH IS BAD"

Say a child is abused, and they read Lolita. They make the same mistake as many, many readers and adaptation makers of Lolita, and they think it's a love story, and that makes their abuse "erotic and enjoyable and A-OK."

...Where do we go from here? Do we now decide that, because Lolita is a complex work with multiple layers and a narrator that deliberately uses purple prose and invokes classical literature to hide his own monstrousness, it needs to be banned?

Why should it be the responsibility of art to impart a beneficial personal and social message not just to its target audience, but to literally anyone who might potentially come across it? Why should the writers of a genre overwhelmingly tagged as Explicit, meaning that people have to affirm that they're over 18 before reading it, on a site you have to be 13+ to use, bear the responsibility of Educating the Nation's Youth on what is Right and Proper?

Your rhetoric is familiar. Very familiar. I got fuckin steeped in it over the last summer when I was reporting on anti-trans legislation, wading through Heritage Foundation summit transcripts and hundreds of pages of bills. Hell, I saw the very phrase "normalizes pedophilia" show up in a bill explicitly targeted at banning queer books from schools. The idea that the very existence of material that is "too erotic" poses an existential threat to children, and that any censorship of art is justified if it Saves the Children, is a deeply conservative one.

A personal story: when I was young, I read The Dragonriders of Pern. This was before I'd had any education on sex ed or consent. There's a rape scene in that series. It's very romanticized. Something about it felt off to me, but it was the only sex scene I'd ever read. I just thought that was what sex was like.

About a year later, I read a Stucky fic with a rape scene. The scene was framed as, if not romantic, at least sexualized in a way that played up the danger and angst of the scene, and it was between the endgame couple. This was, I'd wager, something that you'd want banned. In the beginning chapter note, the author called it what it was: rape.

Two rape scenes, both sexualized, both between an endgame couple we were supposed to root for, only separated by their framing. One taught me a bad lesson. One made me realize that what I had read in that book was, in fact, not consensual sex.

My parents, unbeknownst to me, were going through my search history. They sat me down and said they didn't want me reading erotica, not knowing I already had been in published books. If they had their way — if they'd judged things by YOUR standards — I never would have read those explicit fics. Instead, who knows how much longer I would have gone thinking a man forcing himself on a woman was romantic? Ignorance didn't teach me anything. Experience did.

And, IDK. I think back on news stories I've heard of abused children finding their experiences in books about sex and consent, and seeing themselves in them. Being able to point out what was done to them, because they had a point of reference.

So, no, I don't think that banning every fic that "portrays abuse as good" would be remotely desirable even if it were logistically feasible. And I think you need to move past the idea that art only has the right to exist if it's good for children, saving the children is a goal to which all other ideals should be blindly subservient, and if someone says that something "harms kids" that means you need to uncritically take up arms. I say this without hyperbole: that's the kind of thinking that gets people into QAnon.

[mylittleredgirl]

20 questions for fic writers

thanks @annerbhp for the tag! i really enjoyed reading her answers too!

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

215

2. What’s your total ao3 word count?

646,705 (average of 3k per fic, which sounds about right)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

stargate atlantis most often, followed by sg-1, various star treks, and the x-files (with other miscellaneous fandoms on demand for exchanges and gifts).

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

No Sooner Met (voyager, janeway/chakotay)

Career Day (sg-1, mini!otp)

Next Chapter (the good place, chidi/eleanor)

First Date (voyager, janeway/chakotay) editor's note: man my title game was weak in my voyager era

Occupational Hazards (the good place, chidi/eleanor)

it's so funny to spend my online time in small or inactive fandoms and look at statistics because i'm like yeah... i'm kind of a big deal... people know me... i have many leather-bound volumes... and not a single one of my fics crack 300 kudos (& very few over 100). the person i reblogged from topped out over 9,000! what's it like to write long fics for popular fandoms? is it cool?

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i do now! and it's awesome! for a long time i was intimidated by praise and had a hard time responding, but my brain works now and i really enjoy exchanging comments that turn into long threads of headcanon back-and-forth and sometimes new friends.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oh god PLEASE let me unburden my soul about Twilight (sga, john/elizabeth). it's so uncharacteristically hopeless for me -- far future fic, complicated family dynamics, elizabeth has dementia and john is estranged from their son... really no one is having a good time. i think it's interesting and a cool departure from my usual writing style, but it's also a big sad mess.

i still feel sooooo guilty about these two thousand words of misery that i REGULARLY think about writing a sequel where john and his son fix it with time travel and mend fences. like i lie awake at night worrying about these characters because one time in 2007 i didn't give them a happy ending and suggested john might not break the bad father generational cycle. normal fic writer behavior.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Weaving Loose Ends (sg-1, sam/jack)! i love happy and hopeful endings but i think of all of them, this one is the most resolved and least complicated.

8. Do you get hate on fic?

nope. oh!!!! there was the one time when i caused Big Drama in a corner of the Dancing With The Stars fandom by turning people's headcanons into rpf, which everyone liked until one included porn. people got so heated with each other over this one smut fic (doxing! splinter factions! a fandom schism!) but somehow no one was ever actually mean to me. i didn't even get blocked or banned for my rpf transgressions, i was just standing there at the eye of the storm. so... i guess the answer is still no??

9. Do you write smut?

yes! i should probably write more, though. it has been all slow and gauzy the past few years, somebody should really get railed pretty soon.

10. Do you write crossovers?

nope.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so. happily toiling in obscurity.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

back in the x-files days i think someone translated some of my doggett/reyes fics for a spanish archive, so those might still be out there.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no i haven't!! i am really not doing well collecting my fic writer girl scout badges here!!

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

john sheppard/elizabeth weir my beloved.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

i have 10k of an sg-1 episode-by-episode soulmate fic that started really strong and i would love to share someday, but i lack staying power so it will surely just go to seed in my dropbox forever!!

16. What are your writing strengths?

hopefully character complexity and dialogue. dialogue is interesting in fanfic, because the dialogue on many TV shows is really different than how real humans speak (it's scripted to be clearer, more concise and direct, uninterrupted, etc), so it's a fun challenge to balance that and get something that sounds both in-character and realistic.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

long fics!

the big related weakness is that i find it incredibly difficult to keep writing on a fic after i show it to anyone (as a sneak peek, or because i want feedback / encouragement / brainstorming help). i lose steam on my own, but posting or inviting other people into the process is like pouring sugar in the gas tank. why is that!! how do i fix this!!!

and i don't know if this is a "writing weakness" or an "egregious personal character flaw" but i sure did finish an exchange fic this year literally forty seconds before reveals, so that's... pretty bad.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

SO SCARY aughhhh my fear of Being Wrong really nukes me here. it doesn't even have to be a real language. it's like the ghost of JRR Tolkein himself is standing over my shoulder telling me that if i don't backwards engineer an entire proto-latinate space language instead of just chucking words into google translate and calling it Ancient i'm committing unpardonable sins.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

star trek! first internet-published fics were x-files, but first limited-print-edition fics were xeroxed hand-bound voyager stories my sister and i would give as "gifts" to family friends (and then stand there staring at them while they read the first few pages and told us how clever and creative we were and promised to "read the rest later").

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

new answer! i have always answered this before with ain't no sunshine (sga, john/elizabeth) or career day (sg-1, mini!otp), but i think i really stuck the landing this year on pieces (sga, john/elizabeth). which, incidentally, is the one i finished forty seconds before reveals so i'm definitely not going to learn anything from that narrow escape.

tagging @ussjellyfish if you haven't already done this one, @coraclavia, @havocthecat, @lonesomehighways, and anyone else who made it through this long post and would like to do it!

[llawlieta]

What’s your most unpopular DN opinion? (It can be about canon, fanon the fandom)

This is a hard to answer question for me because I don't know that I have many unpopular opinions, or any at all?! So I'm just going to ramble a little bit at you. I hope this is the quality content you were looking for.

I am FAR from confident that my own characterization of Light and L is right, but I sometimes feel like my view of them is an unpopular one because I see different sides of fandom taking certain traits and pulling in totally different directions - Light is either dramatic with a hair-trigger temperament and ready for Violence OR he is very soft and fluffy. (Or, he is either constantly openly and shamelessly putting women down or actually a #feminist.) Same thing with L. L is very soft and gentle and full of angsty feelings, or (and I think the following is a view that some people have adopted as a rejection to the Uwu L ™ characterization that was king in the early days of the fandom, sjsksjd) he is a confident asshole with almost no consideration towards other people beyond what is useful to him to be able to solve a case.

But then of course I know this is a bit like saying nothing because all fandoms will do this to their blorbos, and all characters are more complex than you'd think from a cursory search through their Tumblr tag. I was discussing this with a beloved friend and she illuminated me by mentioning that fandom... just loves Drama and Heightened Feelings... People consume the source material and want more Feels out of it (especially media like Death Note, I'd imagine, which really doesn't spend more time than necessary dwelling on anyone's feelings) and so they take... Light having a yelling fit and make it a very prominent trait of his personality. Or L having a soft moment and fill him with soft feelings that are coming out all the time. Which is a reasonable instinct to have! even though I think the interesting part of those moments in canon is precisely the fact that they are extraordinary in some way.

So I AM saying nothing and this does happen in every fandom, and contrary to what that cursory search through any fandom tag would tell you, a lot of people certainly treat the characters with subtlety and pay careful attention to all of their dimensions. I mean, evidently, most people do it much better than I could ever hope to do!! (In my defense I have to say that if I stress myself out with writing Light and L properly in-character I will drive myself insane, so not doing it is Self Care for me). But, ah! hopefully this is still some sort of answer, anon!

The L thing bothers me more, because he is my beloved boy and because I think people insist a bit too much on the view of him as confident asshole who doesn't give a fuck. Cleverer people than me have discussed this, particularly in the Lawlight server in which I am, but L does in fact Give Some Fucks. I'm noticing it more now that I'm rereading the manga! A lot of soft little L moments are making me sort of understand why people back in the early fandom days really ran with that Soft Uwu L interpretation haha. It's not remotely accurate to reduce him to those traits! but it's not accurate either to reduce him to the opposite ones?

And I feel like the same phenomenon happens with Lawlight, My Beloved Ship. Sometimes it feels like, if people don't portray them as a very soft and fluffy couple, they can portray them as a couple that would be so toxic and unhealthy that they couldn't have a normal, loving relationship without mind games and manipulation always running through the undercurrent of it. Idk we all know these boys are crazy insane but I don't think they'd be quite THAT toxic!!

Rereading the manga has made me have the realization once again that (I think) L and Light honestly just fit together very well, and don't hate each other with nearly as much venom and intensity as one might think, and there's a lot of common interests and genuine mutual appreciation and fun in their relationship. Particularly in a no notebook AU where there'd be no need for 70% of their mind games of course lol, but it's also there just, like, canonically.

↑ they discuss the news and buy groceries together and read different books silently on the couch actually.

[reasonandfaithinharmony]

Weekend WIP Game

Thank you for tagging me, @rmd-writes and @thisbuildinghasfeelings!

I know I am very late to this, but it is still technically the weekend here in the Pacific time zone, so here we go. I'll be using the questions for Artists/GIF makers. (There are also questions for writers in @welcometololaland's original post!)

Rules: List your WIPs below (if you only work on one project at a time, feel free to include future WIPs/ideas!) then answer the following questions. Then, tag as many people as you have WIPs (or more).

1. WIP List:

I am so afraid to see these all written out in a way where I can count them. [deep breath] This is a rather mixed-up list of gif sets for 911 Lone Star, Schitt's Creek, and The X-Files. Also, since they're gif sets, they don't really have titles, just nicknames:

husbands fancy dinner lizard arc kisses quotes of devotion come rain or come shine spin instructors flashbacks yes way meet the parents until i'm okay, too pile of good things best man wedding attire tk stays capable and decent unspectacular things endless act of being loved gravity of hearts simply the best reassuring head kisses he's a jungle cat wedding behind the scenes soft light/tooms/squeeze hope is messy iris/tk arc you are good and i love you

2. Which WIP is your most complex?

Oh gosh. Anything that involves coloring of more than one scene, really. That's what slows me down. And pretty much all of these fall into that category. Which is a big part of why they're not done yet.

3. Do any of your WIPs involve you using a technique/style that you haven't used before? What inspired you to try it?

Um. Possibly? I'm not far enough along to know for sure, but I think a couple of them might involve trying out a new text treatment.

4. Which WIP do you expect will take you the longest?

I am historically a very bad judge of this. Lol. There are plenty of potential obstacles in that list. I'm afraid to jinx it/make things worse by saying anything specific.

5. Which WIP are you finding the most enjoyable to create?

The "lizard arc" set has been very enjoyable to play with. And I suspect that "he's a jungle cat" will be very fun to eventually get back to.

6. Do you have a favourite character to draw/stitch/paint/depict? Are they in many of your WIP projects?

Hmmm. Not really. I mean, I certainly tend to focus on my favorite ships, but I can't really pick a favorite from that group.

7. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why?

All of them. Because I am self-taught and constantly second guessing absolutely everything.

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of creator's block?

I suppose so. Although It's more lack of energy or just… utter frustration that results in a WIP getting a time out.

9. Do any of your WIPs contain characters outside the main ship? How are you finding creating those?

Yeah, definitely. There are a couple on that list that focus on other relationships.

10. What emotions are you hoping to convey through your WIPs?

It varies. Some are angsty. Some are meant to be funny. But I think, in general, they are all trying to convey love.

11. Are there any features/details you are finding challenging in your WIPs?

[gestures wildly at the lighting teams on every show, thwarting my best efforts to see what's going on]

12. Which WIP has the most complex shading/colouring?

Don't know yet. All of them. Lol. I can tell you that the "fancy dinner" set has been in time out for months now. Because of lighting and coloring.

13. Which WIP has the most complex background?

Not sure this one applies to me.

14. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for?

Oh, I really don't know. My opinions here change all the time.

15. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?

I normally do not remember my dreams. But very recently, I dreamt that I had finished one of those sets. I was very disappointed to wake up and realize it wasn't true.

16. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other art doesn't?

Hmm, I don't think so.

17. Are any of your WIPs commissions?

No, but some of them are friendly requests or things that came about from chatting here on tumblr.

18. Do you have a character that is more difficult to draw/stitch/paint/depict? Are they in many of your WIP projects?

I'm going to go with Patrick Brewer. That boy's face just… goes nuclear bright whenever I try to brighten a scene overall. There are a lot of rather pale characters on that show, but they take pretty well to coloring/brightening. He does not.

19. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs.

Um. Some items have been on that list for years. They're not abandoned, I promise. I am just not in charge of the creative process.

Since it is barely the weekend for me anymore (and no longer the weekend for many of you), please consider this an open tag!! If you'd like to play along, go for it. Even if the weekend has passed you by.

[foureyes802]

who are your favorite prog rock artists

This is a little embarrassing to answer since I don't listen to a huge variety of prog artists, just like 3 who fall under the genre umbrella 🫣 that being said, my absolute favorite artist of all time is Devin Townsend. People who look at my tags on music related posts are aware of this. It's proggy less so in the expected sense of constant weird time signature shenanigans, and more so in general sonic complexity and richness of sound. Lots of instrument tracks, lots of layers. It's a through line from his most extreme speed metal projects with Strapping Young Lad into his ambient albums, and even coloring his pop-rock stuff on Addicted! and Epicloud. Out of some 30-odd albums, I love almost all of his work (excepting some earlier unpolished stuff, plus DevLab and Casualties of Cool which just don't sit with me aesthetically) and I utterly implore people to check him out. Every project besides SYL has his name on it so it's not too difficult to hunt down. But aside from that, my taste is super basic: Rush and Yes were my intros to the genre and I still listen occasionally (send this question 4 years ago and i'd have infodumped about 2112 instead lmao), plus I've been trying to get into King Gizzard but have only really resonated with Nonagon Infinity so far. That's basically it, though. Thanks for the ask! :)

also idk if it's going to show up once this is posted but as im typing up my response this ask format is FUCKED. check it out:

no clue why that happened, it looked normal in my inbox. lol. well thanks again for the question!

[chemicalbrew]

for the character thing u know i gotta ask zero

obsessed with how you specified with a sprite. it's gonna look so awkward, I love it.

send me a character and i’ll list:

favorite thing about them

The weirder answer: the specific tone of voice I have developed for him in my head that I can never explain to people, but it just Is. Lately it's been getting more muddy and vague (Gotta go replay!!! Yearning...), but in general, holy shit, it's so good.

The normaler answer: the way his whole character is on the undefinable fringe between right and wrong, life or death, being perfect and just being, etc etc. You get it, it's on the ceiling.

least favorite thing about them

THE WAY HE JUST WON'T LEAVE MY HEAD.

Seriously, though, I don't know... there are plenty of parts to him you're supposed to dislike and question, but at this point I have stewed and pondered on them enough to actually adore how well they fit together.

There's at least some sort of inferable reason to just about everything he does or can do, so it's genuinely hard to find a reason to hate him, despite it all. When the character is complex... bottom text...

favorite line

Off the top of my head, probably "You honestly thought you were in my league." I feel like I talked about that moment plenty (with some people, or maybe with myself), and also not enough, but it really feels like the first (or one of the first) times his core character really shines on its own.

And due to how it's all constructed, in the moment all you can really think about is how much you agree. You just sit there, somewhere between utterly fascinated and deeply... immersed, for lack of a better word, and it's the exact way they want you to feel. They want this to stick, so it does. It's just a good scene.

Shout-out to "You are wise and virtuous." in HERO as well, because that is probably my single favorite bit in the whole thing. Help.

brOTP

The little girl, obviously :3 + Fifteen, but it's too complicated to just call it that. I'm not in the mood\shape to try explain it exactly, especially since you already know

OTP

The receptionist. <3 <3 <3

It's the kinda shit that realistically shouldn't work out, which is why I'd love to see it actually get pulled off in canon, LMFAO. But I'm not too hung up on it, obviously.

nOTP

Literally everything and everyone else (aside from the two crossover crack ships I now have, but that's entirely out of this ask's scope and I don't want to elaborate), including 150 seen through any other lens than mine, to be honest.

Lea him alone.

random headcanon

He really wants to have a cat, but doesn't act on it for multiple reasons, from stray cats just generally being nasty on top of how The Everything in the district is horrible, to the crushing knowledge of never being able to take care of it perfectly.

unpopular opinion

Probably every single opinion I have. I don't like answering questions like these because I hate knowing what is popular no matter what fandom. The very concept of such a question consistently stumps me, because I am permanently off in the corner, just doing my own thing.

song i associate with them

You've seen my playlist, and I don't like going off about it unless prompted, so I'll simplify and say Overdose. :3

favorite picture of them

[scrolls through 💿 tag and my silly art stash rapidly] uh... I'm gonna pick three... if there's anything KZ fandom always does right, it's the art, ugh.

The second one in this tweet. There's something about the framing and the texture that just gets me so bad...

This post. I keep saying it, but Scary is one of my fav artists in general, and I continue projecting stuff onto this piece specifically, so it just means so much to me, oh my god. That and the song it's coupled with. Help me.

This post. The expression and pose, the colors, literally everything about the linework, and to top it all off, the gem that is the fucking caption. I think about it weekly.

[cranky-kyrati]

why do i like dark stuff?

A little while ago I received an anonymous ask that I won't be publishing, because the way it was phrased suggests it was asked in bad faith (think "Have you stopped beating your wife?"). The question essentially boiled down to "Why are you into [works featuring] a horrible thing?".

I am generally a very open person, and normally wouldn't mind waxing philosophical about why my mind is twisted the way it is, but the thing is, it doesn't actually matter.

The way I see it, what we engage with in works of fiction, both as writers and readers, is akin to roleplaying.

For instance, when I write or read stories featuring rape, that's functionally no different from playing out a force fantasy with a partner. Assuming a story has been outfitted with appropriate tags and warnings, everyone involved have given their informed consent - because the characters in the story? Those are fictional.

No actual real people are being subjected to any kind of violation or abuse in the content I enjoy.* And writing or reading about abuse does not equate to condoning it.

Now, I understand that it can be upsetting to find that the creator of something you enjoy also creates or engages with works that you find morally repugnant (or even just a bit icky). Truly! I get it. But the thing is, dealing with your feelings about what other people consent to do with one another (as writers and readers of these stories) really isn't their responsibility. It's yours.

If you find the mere existence of a certain kind of story so triggering or upsetting as to feel abused yourself, you may want to look into the many ways you can filter and hide stories from AO3 so you won't be exposed to them. People who are into darkfic of all kinds are generally extremely aware that what we enjoy is often upsetting/triggering to others, and we're good at using tags and warnings to make sure no one who doesn't want to see our work will read it by accident.

Like I said at the beginning of this post, I am not going to attempt to justify "why" I like the things I do, but I do want to say one thing on that topic: the psychology behind why people are into these kinds of things is incredibly complex, and as far as I know, science has barely begun to scratch the surface. Most people don't know why they kink the way they do. But please bear in mind that some who are into darkfic are using it as a way of processing their own traumatic experiences of abuse of various kinds. And if I were one of those people, being put on the spot with an anonymous demand that I explain and justify myself publicly would probably not help.

Finally, to the anon who sent the ask: If you are genuinely curious and did not mean to attack me - if you are prepared to actually listen to my answer - reach out to me in private and we'll talk.

* In fact, I'm so damn sensitive I can't even watch BDSM porn from reputable sources with actor interviews and all, because of the constant niggling worry that maybe, just maybe they're not into it after all.

[symptoms-syndrome]

9, 15, & 25 💜

Hihi 💜

9. When did you find out/realize you had a dissociative disorder?

I don't remember my age and to be honest a lot of that experience in general is a blur. I must have been around 20 or 21? I had a therapist at the time who was lovely. I don't remember what made them bring it up, but they did ask me if I'd ever been evaluated for a dissociative disorder. And explained to me, with some readings, DID and OSDD, and asked if I related to the descriptions. And I believe I said that I did, somewhat. They did the DES with me, which was hard. A lot of the questions were very confusing or hard to answer. A lot of "I don't know," or "I'm not sure."

The next session they brought either the coping book or the companion treatment book. I don't remember what part they showed me, but I cried a lot. It definitely did not feel real, and I didn't want to face it, but at the same time it felt inescapable. It described my experiences so well and in such detail that it was hard to deny.

15 is answered.

25. What is a piece of misinformation about DID/OSDD do you want to clear up?

People with DID/OSDD are not the only people with parts of self. Having parts of oneself is not exclusive to DID/OSDD.

Not even necessarily in the whole business with various forms of plurality, I mostly just mean that it's natural to feel like there are different parts of you that hold different things, especially if you're traumatized. It's normal to have a "work self" and a "family self" and a "friend self." Even the idea of having parts that hold different opinions isn't too unusual, as in "part of me wants to have a good relationship with my parents, but part of me doesn't forgive them for what they did." Or, less complex, "part of me wants to dress up in all black leather and be a cool biker type guy, and part of me likes frilly dresses and being a princess." It's possible to have parts of self in this way and still have all your parts be part (ha) of one coherent whole self in a nondisordered fashion. This goes especially for folks who are younger, particularly teenagers, as that's naturally a time of personal development and exploration and many, many non-disordered teenagers feel like they don't have a solid identity yet. It's part of why I try to block teenagers from my page, I don't want my experiences to impact theirs.

We all contain multitudes. People with CCDs just can't connect our multitudes together as well. If you think of your mind and self like a house, houses have lots of different rooms that all serve a different purpose and look different. Many nondisordered people can, in this metaphor, walk to the kitchen to get a snack, then go to the living room to watch TV. It's still the same house, it's still the same you, just doing two different things in two different rooms. DID feels to me like a house with no doors. The rooms aren't connected and you can't walk between them as easily, you need to shout through the walls if you want someone in the living room to turn down their radio, or someone in the kitchen to fix the leaky faucet. But both houses have different rooms.

Sometimes, when I used to roam the tags more often, I would see people (usually younger folk) worried about having parts because they had shifting desires, tastes, opinions. And while I can't say I know what they were going through for certain, often what was posted was, or seemed like, relatively minor, normal parts of self type things. I think the idea that there are people who are nondisordered who have only One Self and are only One Way has pushed a lot of people to believe that if they aren't just one smooth, coherent, consistent person, like an influencer or other entertainer seems to be, then they're disordered. Or, on the other hand, the idea that DID is a very special, very unique disorder that has full ownership over the idea of having "people in your head" or parts or what have you makes people assume that because they like to imagine themselves as characters, or because they like to put on different personas, or just because they're in touch with multiple parts of themselves, it means they're disordered in this specific way. And that makes me sad.

[endofthischain]

i need to flesh out my tags about diagnosis/psychiatry for my own personal gain because I feel like I'm onto something but my brain is moving too fast to physically write it down so here we are.

basically psychiatry at its core is responsible for creating and naming categories under which all of humanity is meant to fit. (even if you don't have a MH diagnosis, you are therefore not mentally ill / neurotypical, which becomes a category of its own.) a lot of mental health awareness campaign's language lies in this idea that mental disorder does not discriminate, that it can affect anyone at any point in their lives -- it's giving He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake boogie man panopticon vibes...

& speaking of foucault, I think the basic concept that, states wield power by creating knowledge systems that create subjects, is really important to the anti-psychiatry critique. the subjectivity of psychiatry is kind of its most obvious facet. what's MIRACULOUS is that, in the last 50 years, psychiatry and psychology have managed to convince a staggering load of people that they are SCIENTIFIC and OBJECTIVE fields; that there are really truly chemical / biological / neurological sources we can point to in which we will find all of the answers for human suffering. I'd argue this quick acceptance is in portion due to neoliberalism and rapidly growing technologies of surveillance -- the DSM-3, which basically put psychiatry on the map as a legitimate field, was published in 1980. psychotropics have also had a big role in legitimizing the psy-discipline's attempt to class themselves among the medical fields, despite the fact that we still don't really know why psychotropics Work for Some People.

but even if we did know why they "worked," we also need to question what we consider "working" under conditions of hegemonic capitalism. in which ways do medications alter human behavior and belief in order to make our lives easier for ourselves and others? what actions and acceptances are deemed healthy under the influence of psychotropic drugs? psychiatrists track your progress on the drug in line with how well you are functioning as a normal, productive human being. is being happy not better for labor?

this is not to say that I think the distress that may fall under psychiatric diagnoses is not real or valid. on the contrary, I think they're very real experiences and very valid experiences. but I don't think they need to be classified as anything. because I believe that 1. suffering and distress are inevitable facets of any meaningful life and 2. there is no one "correct" way to experience distress or suffering or to be a human being in this world -- in fact a diverse range of reactions to the human experience is not only inevitable but also amazing and beautiful and sacred.

anyway, it would be misguided to believe that, in another world, perhaps under a different economic structure, we could have a psychiatry that is objective and not suited to the interests of the powerful. because that's all psychiatry has ever done, regardless of whatever cloaks it wears that tell us otherwise. its quest as a field has always been to sort out the normal from the abnormal and force the abnormal back to normal for the sake of capital. its even easier when we just go along with it happily. will we ever be able to see this? even more so, can we accept that we will never be able to objectively or scientifically understand and chart humankind in our vast complexity, and that's fucking magnificent?

[kcrabb88]

For the 🔥 ask game, can I ask for 16, 17, and 20 for Star Wars? 😃

16. You can’t understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

There are a lot of answers to this question because Star Wars is a huge fandom, HOWEVER, on that bothers me a lot personally are the crimes in the Quinlan Vos tag here and on Ao3. Quinlan IS funny and he IS flirty and he's really chaotic which I adore about him, but the last thing he is is stupid? And I see that characterization a lot? Either that, or he's just there to be the chaos guy. He's a Jedi Master! A legendary spy! He has insecurities about how close he has to walk to the dark side to do his job sometimes (and insecurities about his fall and return to the light). Quinlan has a grin that can kill, but he also has a lot of complex stuff going on underneath that grin. I get so frustrated when characters like him get reduced down to (1) trait. He's one of those characters where fanon really interrupts a much more compelling canon portrayal.

17. There should be more of this type of fic/art

I wish there were more fics about Obi-Wan and his friendships with Padme and Bail? I love his relationships with them, and they aren't as common as you'd think they'd be?

20. Part of canon you found tedious or boring

I really, really, really do not care about Mandalorian warrior culture? I like Din, I love Sabine, and while I have my issues with some stuff Satine does re: how she treats Obi-Wan and interacts with the Clone War as a whole, she was RIGHT about Mandalore. That planet doesn't need more warrior culture!! It needs what she was trying to bring: peace. The third season of Mando made me see red for how much it erased that part of the planet's history and held up Death Watch (a former terrorist group!) like it was totally normal, and brought back the warrior culture that was responsible for centuries of war like it was no big. I found it all so deeply boring and I wanted Din to leave tbh.

(This is not to say that the Mandalorians deserved what the Empire did to them, because no one does!)

[barondraxxum]

Op, I hope you don't mind me extrapolating in a reblog because, honestly, I have too much to say to put it in the tags. I chose the yes and no option mostly because while, yes, I think the romantic interest role did her no favors. It wasn't the reason she comes off as such a weak character.

I think the biggest problem with April is that she has no hobbies. I know that sounds weird, but let me explain. April's character is completely external. She doesn't have anything going on internally to tie her to the plot or make her engaging. She meets the turtles because she's being kidnapped for being part alien, she continues being their friend because they help her get her dad back, she trains to be a ninja because she had to stay in the lair and Splinter asks, she has romance arcs with both Casey and Donnie because they rescue and then continue to pursue her. She's a passive character, which can get really frustrating as a viewer. Her and donnie's failed crush arc is frustrating not because of its existence but because you could replace april with a cardboard cut-out, and it's wouldn't change much at all.

And please, don't misinterpret this as 2012 April hate. She is my blorbo, and I love her, which makes me really sad that she's written in such a way. There's so much interesting about her. She's being hunted down on a galactic scale. She had to live in the sewers with a bunch of lizard boys. She is quite literally an empath. She has no friends outside of the lizard sewer boys, and every time she makes one, they either try to kill her or get absorbed into the lizard boy friend group. Her Mom is Super Dead, and she doesn't seem to be handling that at all, actually, despite having a therapist for a father. She's accepting and open-minded to a fault so much so that she almost gets assassinated by people she immediately befriends multiple times. (Side note: this is also the reason I hate when in crossover fics they make 2012!April stuck up or judgemental because shes literally so nice to new people it almost gets her killed multiple times. bffr.) There's so much there to have a really interesting character with a complex inner world and the writers just. Don't really expand on her except when they need a deus ex machina magic scene, and it makes me sad. There's so many chances to have April really expand and grow as a character, and they're never seized upon, and it's so frustrating!!!

What would she have done if she had never met the turtles? Why doesn't she have any friends despite coming off outwardly as completely normal? What messy ways does the grief over losing her mom manifest? Why does she wear a sport jersey shirt despite never once mentioning sports? What compels her to stick with the turtles when the going gets rough? Are there any internal or external effects of being part Kraang? <- literally some basic character building questions where thoughtful answers could drastically improve how she comes across.

That all being said, I do love when the Fandom at large really digs into her because if you use a little elbow grease there's the opportunity for a really interesting character underneath all the baggage the 2012 writers saddled her with.

TLDR: The romance arcs aren't the main problem with 2012!April but more so the fact that she lacks agency in her own story.

If you picked the last option, feel free to explain what is was in the tags!

[tropicalrpg]

vii. the one between six and nine

yesterday i realised that not revealing my gender and sexuality was never in my plans. i want to talk about all the love i have felt, my desire. oh, i'll bring up the avant-garde 1970s pornos i've been watching and happily tag that as nsfw, but not today. on the 30th i have a story stored. one of these days, another one.

today, i'm short on time. i wouldn't say i've been procrastinating, i've thought about starting this and it just hasn't come up (it being the act of writing). i've been busier than i expected myself to be, and by busy i mean i've been watching a wizards of waverly place binge-watch recap video. five and a half hours for part two, though i watch it between 1.5 and 2x speed. tl;dr, it's almost nine pm.

yesterday i went on and on about anonymity, my prose stronger than days before and days like today, because it was natural and more confessional than a statement. it was like that other personal essay of mine, day three, i believe, but more natural. and i want to use my anonymity to confess, because i've been meaning to confess, i've been considering going on some type of anonymous confession website, because let me go back to being alone and no one wants to listen to me—

i'm gay, right? i'm gay. men make me go crazy. typical homosexuality.

but i like women, also.

still gay.

_____

my experience with my sexuality is complex. it interacts with an experience with gender that i will never talk about, because i'm tired of talking about it, and fuck gender. i hate gender. so we'll talk about sex; i love that quote, "everything in the world is about sex, except for sex. sex is about power." my experience with sex is also complex, but i don't think i want to reveal that, either; it will absolutely influence readings of my writings. it influences the interpretation of all those around me, so fuck me if i'll let those away from me make me smaller in the same way.

i've identified as bisexual since i realised i wasn't straight, at twelve. i identified as bisexual from twelve years old until sixteen-seventeen. my attraction to men was always crystal clear to me, and my attraction to women felt like the answer. i blew it out of proportion for the first few years. after a couple years, i was old enough to find other queer kids, and i kissed boys and girls alike. after a couple years of that, it all went down the drain.

for a few months, no boys wanted me. for a few months, i went on several dates with a few girls, and none of them went anywhere. i couldn't understand why; they were lovely. well, i could, actually. the one i got along with wasn't a great kisser; the one who was a great kisser i didn't really get along with. and there were other things, but i just didn't feel anything for either of them. i thought i did; on paper, i was excited. but i couldn't feel it. i couldn't want them.

since then, i have not kissed anyone. i've not talked to anyone, gone out with anyone, or had a shot with anyone. i think i talked to one girl, i don't know if she was actually interested, but still it was the one chance i had. and she was beautiful, and we got along great, but i kept keeping myself from meeting her in person, from taking that other step, and i couldn't understand why. i liked her, right? so what was stopping me from taking that step?

it was the last thing that made me realise maybe i was gay. and i am. during the pandemic, i didn't want to say anything for sure. i wasn't seeing real people or being in any social situations, so how could i know for sure that i didn't feel any attraction towards women? i knew i was gay, but i didn't know for sure. i started telling people (two people) i was questioning my sexuality around one and a half years ago, mid-2021. online, to my online friends, that is, i already talked about being gay, because i knew, i did know.

this year, going back to normal or seminormal life, things clicked into place and i now know for sure. i know i'm only into men, i only have a future with men, and while i feel a little bad that my life experience with bisexuality makes it seem like a phase because it was a phase for me, it's just my experience. i'm losing myself in my words. bet that i won't proofread this, either.

... confession time! put me in front of the cameras and give me a script.

a part of me doesn't want to talk about this, because it is information that will reveal more of me than i want to, and it will influence everything, but no one's reading this, so so what? plus, i think problems exist more in my head than in real life. fuck it. it doesn't matter. i can edit or delete this if i have to. everyone makes mistakes.

...

...

...

i got to the conclusion a little while ago. i am aesthetically attracted to girls. they're pretty! they're pretty in all their pretty clothes and they're pretty without them. but they're not hot. i am aesthetically and sexually and romantically attracted to men. i want to kiss them and fuck them and i want them to tell me i'm pretty and they love me and they want to listen to me, spend time with me, hold me in bed and be there when i wake up.

... oh, sex is complicated. i've gone on and on enough. i want to fuck a nice, strong, hairy guy. and sometimes i want to kiss a girl, but i don't. never. and i'll turn down pretty girls if they ever ask, and this is something i'm too lazy and tired and swerving from social situations to deeply elaborate on, but i will always say i'm gay even if i want a girl because being something is now public, and i have led too many people on by being bi with a lean to not be gay and into girls.

2022.12.27 + edits

[aegor-bamfsteel]

Honestly, how can you like the Blackfyres when they represent misogyny, racism, toxic masculinity, and failure? Daeron the Good, on the other hand, was by far one of the best, if not THE best, king Westeros ever had. Daemon was a warmonger. Daeron raised Baelor Breakspear, one of the best people to have ever lived in Westeros. Daemon raised Aegon and Aemon who were "witless bullies." Daeron was loved by Naerys (awesome), Aemon (awesome), Daenerys (awesome), and Elaena (best princess ever).

Pt2 Who was Daemon loved by? I guess his mother Daena who we can assume was a piece of shit since she worshipped her brother the Young Dragon. Daeron the Good was creating a dynasty of racial tolerance, having heirs that were mixed with Valyrian, Dornish, Stormlander, and eventually Tyroshi via Kiera of Tyrosh. His heirs were wise and would rule as well as he did.

This is a blog that sometimes answers questions about A Song of Ice and Fire and related supplemental books (Tales of Dunk and Egg, The World of Ice and Fire, Fire and Blood, SSMs) written by George R.R. Martin. I wanted to make this clear, because from the content of your messages I’m not entirely sure you’ve read these books.

Honestly, how can you like the Blackfyres

Check my house Blackfyre tag; I’ve answered this question 4 times from people a good deal less hostile than you were. You are not entitled to my time.

when they represent misogyny, racism, toxic masculinity

[Citation Needed]

and failure?

Nobody tell anon about Ned’s execution, the Red Wedding, Summerhall, Brienne and Arya’s Riverlands arcs, the GOT series finale, or tragedy as a genre/narrative tool in general; their head might explode.

Daeron the Good, on the other hand, was by far one of the best, if not THE best, king Westeros ever had

Check my anti Da3ron II tag for why I don’t agree. Stating an opinion without supporting evidence isn’t a great way to build an argument.

Daeron raised Baelor Breakspear, one of the best people to have ever lived in Westeros.

If you’re going to give him credit for Baelor, why not give him credit for Aerys I or Bl00draven? Or does the do-nothing monarch and the kinslaying tyrant secret police chief not support your argument?

Daemon raised Aegon and Aemon who were "witless bullies."

I guess I have to remind you that Aegon and Aemon were 12-year-old boys who were murdered in front of their father on Bloodraven’s orders. As for the “witless bullies” comment, here’s what GRRM had to say about Joffrey (a proven sadist and tyrant) dying: “I also tried to provide a certain moment of pathos with the death. I mean, Joffrey, as monstrous as he is…is still a 13-year-old kid. And there’s kind of a moment there where he knows that he’s dying and he can’t get a breath and he’s kind of looking at Tyrion and at his mother and at the other people in the hall with just terror and appeal in his eyes—you know, “Help me mommy, I’m dying.” And in that moment, I think even Tyrion sees a 13-year-old boy dying before him. So I didn’t want it to be entirely, “Hey-ho, the witch is dead.” I wanted the impact of the death to still strike home on to perhaps more complex feelings on the part of the audience, not necessarily just cheering.” If GRRM wanted us to feel some sympathy for Joffrey while dying, he definitely wanted us to consider the deaths of two seemingly normal 12 year olds a tragedy.

Also, you bring up Aegon and Aemon, but not the decent Daemon II, Aenys, and Haegon. We love consistency.

Daeron was loved by Naerys (awesome), Aemon (awesome), Daenerys (awesome), and Elaena (best princess ever)

[Citation Needed] We have no canonical interactions between Daeron and Daenerys, and the only canonical interaction we have between Daeron and Aemon is when they teamed up to tell Aegon to banish a teenage girl and her infant son (their half-brother and nephew) from court over something her father said (which I guess is “awesome”). I’ve made my own feelings on Elaena clear in her tag (and gotten some bizarre hate for it), but I doubt they had a warm relationship.

Who was Daemon loved by?

“Until this moment, he had never met a man who'd fought for [Daemon Blackfyre]. I must have, though. There were thousands of them. Half the realm was for the red dragon, and half was for the black. —The Sworn Sword

“He made friends easily, and women were drawn to him as well.” —2005 SSM

“The whole realm knew that [Daenerys] loved Daeron's bastard brother Daemon Blackfyre, and was loved by him in turn, but the king was wise enough to see that the good of thousands must come before the desires of two, even if those two were dear to him…” —ADWD The Watcher and “Despite Daemon and Daenerys being in love, her brother the king, Daeron the Good, was more concerned with matters of state than matters of love…” 2012 GRRM interview

“…Old fools and young malcontents still make pilgrimages to the Redgrass Field to plant flowers on the spot where Daemon Blackfyre fell. I will not suffer Whitewalls to become another monument to the Black Dragon.” —The Mystery Knight

Are you sure you’ve read these books?

I guess his mother Daena who we can assume was a piece of shit since she worshipped her brother the Young Dragon.

You got the order wrong; it says in the relevant SSM that she worshipped her father Aegon and idolized her brother Daeron, and it was only her admiration of Aegon that was mentioned in TWOIAF. Also, calling a woman “a piece of shit” because she liked the brother who didn’t lock her in a tower or usurp her throne is hardly the antisexist behavior the Blackfyre antis claim to adopt; and if we judged all ASOIAF female characters based on the men they like, we’d find very few of them likable.

Take, for example, Elaena Targaryen. “The great love of her life was her cousin, Alyn Velaryon, the seafarer and admiral known as Oakenfist…” (same SSM as previous) However, Velaryon was instrumental in Daeron’s conquest of Dorne “Daeron divided his host into three forces…one led by the king's cousin and master of ships, Alyn Velaryon, traveling by sea…most importantly, the royal fleet broke the Planky Town and then was able to drive upriver” and “Lord Alyn Oakenfist descended once again upon the Planky Town and the Greenblood.” (TWOIAF Daeron I). If Daena gets called a “piece of shit” for admiring the man who instigated the Conquest of Dorne, surely Elaena would be equally (and unjustly; these are teenagers and/or severely undersocialized prisoners preyed on by older men) condemned as the lover of his right hand man?

Better get your story straight.

Daeron the Good was creating a dynasty of racial tolerance

[Citation Needed] That’s why Tanselle Too Tall got justice for her broken fingers, yeah?

…and eventually Tyroshi via Kiera of Tyrosh

Don’t use the Tyroshi as an example of Da3ron’s “racial tolerance” dynastic heirs when he, his descendants, and Bl00draven set out to kill Rohanne of Tyrosh’s children and grandchildren with Daemon Blackfyre.

His heirs were wise and would rule as well as he did.