#''there used to be only 3 genders!! now there are too many!!!'' ok aunty

[stellarremnant]

will never understand people who care more about others' gender identity than billionaires actively destroying the economy

[jamestrmtx]

Fairytale Complex - [Undertale | Sans x Reader]

[Gender Neutral, Frisk's Parent Reader | Slow Burn]

Chapter Three | sans. (Part 1 of 3)

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

meet me by the train station.

the place's bustlin' and tori's here with me, just in case you're worried 'bout meeting a stranger all alone.

That's surprisingly thoughtful.

And I'm guessing Tori means Toriel?

The goat lady who looked after Frisk?

yup.

she's gotta go deal with some legal stuff 'bout us living on the surface, so she can't stay for long.

but she'll still be here by the time you get there.

Hmm…

Now that just makes me more suspicious of you.

Tell me why it's important that only you specifically want to talk to me about this?

Doesn't Toriel know about what happened down there, too?

yeah, but…

i need to talk to you about somethin' else.

stuff that'll probably be a lil' difficult for me to explain, but that you should still know, being frisk's parent and all.

Now I'm curious.

I'm stuck in some traffic, but I should be there soon.

Would it still be okay with Toriel if I get there in the next ten to fifteen minutes?

textin' while drivin'?

My aunt chose to drive me here.

'Cuz she also said she doesn't trust the whole situation much.

heh.

alright.

tori says it's fine. she doesn't need to leave in the next hour so…

see ya soon, (l/n).

See you soon, mister Serif.

"How's he gonna know who you are if only you have a picture of him?" you aunt asks, eyes locked on the road. Her bright red nails, just as flashy as the rest of her outfit, glisten under the sun, fantasy jewellery and wrist watch doing the same. Her tanned skin almost glows with health in comparison to yours, yet to be healed from the past two months of tension and wait. There's also her signature and almost hair salon professional level of cleanliness when it came to grooming her hair, making her overall, outer appearance far more different and striking when compared to you.

"(Mom/Dad)'s all over the news now!" Frisk says, answering her question before you can even word your thoughts out in mind, too busy noticing how much you've let yourself go in so short of a time.

You plug your phone to the car charger and meet with the side view of your aunt's face. "Like Frisk said. The guy I'm meeting says my face's been thrown out on the news a lot lately, so he already knows what I look like." You pull down the mirror and take a quick look at yourself, eye bags and stress acne now partially covered with a cheap, (s/t) foundation and expression made to look less tired thanks to a full eight hours of sleep. Still, you're far from looking anywhere near to the days before Frisk's disappearance or all the pictures displayed on the news, these from a similar time. All the stress and constant sorrow was still present on most of your features, from something as subtle as the loss of brightness in your eyes to something as noticeable as the drag in your walk and the small slump in your posture.

"Do I look okay, auntie?" you ask, taking advantage of a stop sign.

Brenda spares a quick but meaningful glance at you and a small smile manages to show on her face. She stays quiet even as her eyes go back to facing the road. At a second stop, this one caused by a red light, she looks at you again, saying, "Why are you so concerned about that, dear? I get wanting to look well and dignified for meeting new people, but this is the third time you've asked me today." She giggles when Frisk does, both apparently sharing the same thought. "You look fine, by the way. Though a bit of rest could do you good." The light changes and she carries on driving, slowing down and turning on the signal when she sees the train station to her left. "How many hours do you work, by the way? If you're still working overtime, you should stop that now. Not only for my dear grandchild's sake, but for you to get your long overdue beauty sleep."

"...Sixty hours a week?" you mutter, already anticipating a dramatic reaction from her. Even Frisk seems to notice your answer's not favourable enough to her, so they brace themselves by grabbing on to their seatbelt and pretending they're not paying attention to the conversation anymore.

Staying true to herself, Brenda almost slams the brakes just as she's halfway into parallel parking and snaps her gaze over to you, eyes wide and mouth agape. "What?!"

"Sixty a week," you repeat, louder now. "I had to get my mind off Frisk going missing somehow, so I... took that chance to save up some more by working overtime."

"That's fifteen hours too much, dear." She frowns. "That's either twelve hours a day for five days a week, or working non-stop every day for at least eight to nine hours! No wonder you look so stressed. What about your friends? Your family? Your coworkers?" She seems to notice why you've lowered your voice and does that herself, reminded over Frisk's presence at the back seats. "Oh, honey…" She sighs. "Did you really just work, eat, and sleep those two months they were gone?"

"...Maybe," you reply, looking away from her. "I just didn't know what else to do, and having free time for myself made me feel more guilty about it. The only time I sat down was to watch some TV for when I couldn't sleep at night."

Your aunt finishes parking and lets out another sigh. A gentler look crosses her eyes and she gives in, letting her body relax. "Do you have enough to get by? Please, be honest with me so I can help you out. Alright?"

You smile back at her and nod. "I have enough now. I'm pretty sure I can get by with a regular schedule again."

"With weekends off?"

"With weekends off."

Her smile grows and she unlocks the car, allowing you to step out. "Be careful out there, alright? Just make sure to call me and I'll head back here straight away if anything strange comes up."

"Thank you, auntie. So I'll pick up Frisk at five?"

"Oh, there's no rush. You can always stay the night, anyway!"

After a nod, you get down from the car, open the back door, and climb onto the empty seat left next to Frisk. 

"See you later, dear." 

You kiss their cheek and look at the phone resting in their hands. There were plenty of questions you wanted to ask them, such as who was Alphys and how she'd gained enough knowledge to develop something with that level of technology, and why it still worked up here despite being programmed to function at the Underground. You remind yourself of the people waiting for you at the train station and wrestle those curiosities down, setting all questions aside for later. "Be good, okay?"

They nod, sign a "Love you!" with their hand, and hold you back to give you a yellow sticky note, folded in two. "Give this to him. And don't forget he can be unexpected sometimes!"

You sign an "I love you, too" back to them, take the note, and step out of the car, waving at them and your aunt before closing the door and pocketing the note away. It stays unread, and while you'd like to know what's written on it as well as the reasons for Frisk warning you about meeting with that monster in particular, they'd specified it was for more sillier reasons, like that of meeting up with a stand up comedian, or more frankly put: a clown or a court jester.

Now alone, you take out your phone and check the messages, a new one from 'Mister Serif' showing up.

hey, uh…

tori hadda go.

an emergency happened, so now she's gotta rush off to the department to see what's up with some documents she turned in.

i know this seems sus as hell, so just wait for me at a more open area, alright?

stick to anybody you're comfortable with and we'll meet there.

I'm honestly touched at how much you're worried about this.

Though all that just makes me think I'm being catfished even more now.

Are you for real, mister Serif?

Can someone be as observant and thoughtful as you appear to be?

see for yourself.

>> Attachment - 1 image

You can't avoid being taken aback when the monster sends you a picture of himself. It's a definite recent one, given he's sitting by a bench close to the train tracks. He holds up a shaka sign with one hand and a coffee cup on the other. A grin decorates his face and the bright lighting shows the picture was taken just now, sun rays piercing through the windows.

I'm somewhat convinced.

need more proof?

Who are you, my Cinder match?

if u wanna.

Oh God.

You're killing me.

inna good way?

Perhaps.

You stop yourself when you realize you're on the verge of flirting with someone you haven't even met in person yet, let alone introduce yourself properly to. The picture he'd sent doesn't help either, as you can only begin to question yourself and your morals over having found him attractive for a split second. While it could have just as easily been the surprise of him sending a picture out of nowhere, it could've also been how laid-back he seemed in that picture, striking a shaka sign that made him look just like a surfer dude and a coffee cup to contrast with that vibe, adding a spark of the typical college student you saw at campus, his hoodie and sneakers only adding to that feeling.

It's then that you realize something's off.

If he was holding a cup with one hand and a sign in the other…

Then who took the picture?

Though you're pretty sure you're overthinking the situation now, you're still better safe than sorry and take advantage of your recent fooling around with him to pass that worry off as a joke.

Wait a minute, mister Serif.

yeah?

If you're holding a cup with one hand and striking a pose with the other, then who took the picture?

Or did you use your magic for that?

a random dude who looked trustworthy enough took it for me.

he's one of those guys who're totally ok with us living here at the surface, so he just snapped the picture for me and even asked if it was for a date i was gonna meet and all.

no magic needed.

And I'm the President of the United States.

But, seriously now…

Are you for real?

yeah.

>> Attachment - 1 image

The picture displays him with a bearded, brown skinned man clad in a suit and holding a suitcase, looking ready for work. Still, his smile shows little to no seriousness and instead displays youth and content over having his picture taken with a potential friend. His height surpasses the monster's by half a foot, though when you compare it to the rest of the people in the background, it's clear Serif is simply shorter compared to the average human. You try not to let your eyes linger too much on the monster when you're done looking at the man, not wanting to fall into the trap of your mind having found him attractive earlier ago. Still, you can't help yourself and take a more thorough look at him again, seeing him now with his eye sockets closed, almost mimicking a pair of eyelids squinting in joy. His arm's hung over the man's shoulders, and vice-versa. 

i made a new pal.

"meet up already!" - his words, not mine.

Trying to be smooth, huh?

maybe.

is it working?

Somewhat.

But...

Strange Cinder date vibes aside,

I'm almost there.

aight.

can't wait to meet ya, bud.

You slip the phone back in your pocket and go up the stairs of the train station, stopping when you make it to the line of benches close to the tracks. True to his word, the skeleton sits on one of them and the man who'd taken a picture with him is now waving at him, seemingly saying his goodbyes and headed off to work. You approach the station one careful step after the other, pace slowing down more and more as you feel a sudden awkwardness slip on your shoulders.

Your texts sent off vibes you didn't want present now that you were about to meet him in person. You were still worried about what happened with Frisk a few days ago, and how their happiness pretty much froze when being asked if the monsters had treated them well during their time at the Underground. The one you were about to meet could very well be one of those who'd hurt them, so you brace yourself and try not to be swayed by the softer atmosphere present during your texting with him. You acknowledge the man who'd taken his picture with a wave and a smile back at him. Then, you continue walking and finally approach the bench.

"It's nice to meet you, mister Serif." You acknowledge him with a wave, unsure of how friendly you can be with him.

"Likewise, pal." He holds a hand out to you, bringing forth the warning Frisk had given to you about him.

Out of all the things Frisk had warned you about, it was to be careful around the skeleton, but primarily due to how he seemed to be the type to joke around and prank people often. One thing in particular you were warned about was in shaking hands with him, so right as he offers his hand out to you and just as you're about to reach out, you miss his hand, take a step closer, and pull him along for a hug instead. You then unfold the sticky note and press it against his back with enough pressure for him to feel it and let go when you're done.

"Frisk warned me about you, and even though they haven't told me anything I should be worrying about yet, I do know I should be careful for other reasons. And they told me to give that note to you, by the way."

You sit down and watch as the monster attempts to get the sticky note unstuck, his short height proving to be a disadvantage, as it also comes with shorter arms. He goes as far as to use his magic to get it out, leaving you to bite back a smile and wonder if you've been too rude with him just now. Still, you wait and keep your eyes on the train tracks while he reads the note you've left for him.

"Not gonna say anything about it?" you ask, surprised to hear nothing from him even as he slips the note in his pocket.

"Patience, pal," he replies, words followed with a chuckle and continued with a wink. "Just take it as some friendly payback on my part -- Now we're even." He sits back down and meets with your eyes, his expression changing from humoured to stern at the drop of a hat. "So, what you're sayin' here is the kid hasn't said much about me yet?"

"No," you reply, hesitating. You fight between keeping a smile and a frown. "They've been awfully quiet after I asked them if there were any people down there who treated them badly." You catch yourself becoming emotional, so you breathe and blink a few times to fight that back. "It...  It feels like they shut themselves away from me, and now I'm not too sure about how to approach the situation anymore." You stop to catch your breath again, feeling yourself grow anxious already. "They can talk non-stop when it's about all the good things Toriel, Alphys, Papyrus, and… And even what you did for them, but whenever I ask if there was anything that made them feel unsafe, they… They bottle up and run off to do whatever chore there's left to do around the house."

A gust of wind helps freshen up your burning face, product of a train stopping nearby. You wait for him to speak up, body tensed all the while.

"Y'know, I…" The monster sighs, faces down, and rubs the back of his neck, looking lost in thought. "I think I can answer that for ya, but it's gonna be a bit of a long story." He glances at his phone for a moment, seemingly to check the time, and later adds, "Wanna head out somewhere to eat? We can talk about it there over food and drinks. Better than talkin' on an empty stomach, don't you think?"

Despite how somber the mood's become, that trademark grin of his you've already grown used to seems to stand out a lot more now, bringing forth a genuine, welcoming expression in addition to the offer he'd made to you. "Sure," you reply, smile returning. "And... Sorry for dumping all that on you all of a sudden."

You both stand up and make your way out of the station, walking side by side as you continue with the conversation. 

"It's cool, pal," he says. "I'd be a lot more worried if you didn't worry about it."

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

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This turned out to be a whopping 7k+ word long chapter, so it's been divide into 3 parts (between 2k to 3k words each, which is the usual length of each update).

So... Long story short: there'll be a double update next week in order to post Parts 2 and 3!

Expect the same thing for whenever a chapter exceeds that limit. :-)

[jd-arts319]

(old bnha oc,decided finally to post it!!!!)

Name: Chikara Hatsumomo

Romanji name: hatsumomo chikara

Alias/Heroname:momo-san,chi-chan,kara-kun

(Hero): elementrix

Personal description

Birthday: august,28

Age: 4(before izuku's conforntation with katsuki & his goons)

14(middle school,class mate of izuku)

15-16(from sports festival through provesional hero license internship)

Gender: trans!male(female)

Hair color: dark brown hair with two bright yellow side-streaks hair

Eye color: greenish-blue/cool green

Blood type: O+

Quirks: Elements,enhancement

Status

Status: alive

Birth place: Shizuoka prefecture

Family: naturia(mother/deceased),mana(father/unknown),chiharu chikara(grandma/deceased)

Occupation: student/artist

Affiliation: U.A

Team(s): Shie Hasseikai Raid Team

Fighting-style range: close & far range,close & far combat

She is izuku's childhood as well,however she never met bakugo until they are 6 yrs.old,she was also izuku's best friend & protector,since she knew of him being bullied for awhile.

Crush: none/(later either todoroki or katsuki)

Bio: she met izuku around after school & the two quickly became friends,since then they are like siblings,both always hang-out each other's home,bakugo never knew her until they both met at the age of 6.

she had mutual-relationship with him,but neverthless she never start a fight with unless if it comes from izuku being bullied,no one also knew if she had a parents,however she is seen walking by herself,it worries the teachers since she was only young,despite she is smart & know how to protect herself,since she heard about her teachers worries.

she asked izuku if she could live with him & his mother & since inko knew what happend to her parents since she remembered her husband mentioning of being closed friend of kara's mother,naturia who died after the fight she been gone to,nobody knew where she died but is broadcast though.

so inko let her live with them from now on & she grew up with izuku as like siblings,she once had a parents one was name hatsumomo sakiko known as pro-hero naturia who controls elements & great in inhenced hand-to-hand combat & reflexes,her father however was remain a mystery,his quirk was enhancement,but he wasn't known as a pro-hero.

he just disappeared after mom had her,since then nobody knew where he disappeared off to,however her mother kept strong for both of them until she died,chi was taken care by her grandma who she took after from,until her grandma's un-timely death comes as well,she was numb from what happend however she starting to be happy again after meeting izuku & living with him.

Appearance:

He had white fair skin,cool green eyes,a curvy yet well-built body,hair tied into a lower-loose ponytail,his body was slim when she was 6 however when 14 her body became slim-yet curvious almost hour-glass like well-built body.

when from 15-16 she even more well-built before,all in all he was rather a very attractive person,that somehow rumored she could outstand midnight & mt.lady,she had a surgery around before she came to ordera high school.

in order to fit her real gender,but since she took after her grandmother she looked almost a like her,many man tend to woo her thinking she was a easy to sway ,but she always ignore them,there are rare-times when perverts comes after her,since she trained & trained before she knows how to defend himself.

4: her hair was short & never wore a hairclip yet,wears teal overralls,yellow short-sleeved hoodie underneath & purple shoes.

14: she wore oredera school uninform,however when she is training with izuku & all might she wore,short tight turtle neck & sleeveless exercise shirt,knee-length below tight exercise shorts,dark-blue exercise shoes his hair tied into a ponytail.

15-16: he wore the official U.A uniform,one with the jacket & one with none,his p.e clothes as well,in civilian look he wore a 70's like cool green & white hoodie,knee-lenght below jogger pants,black ballet-like flats.

Personality:

She is quite mature,tactical,intelligent,reckless,a bit stubborn sometimes but kind,understanding,& blunt person,however when she is angry she is like a vicious demon sometimes,overprotective of izuku,crazy,brutally honest,& creepy can be sweet sometimes,caring too.

Abillities:

Enhanced strength & speed: she can be strong almost as all might & faster than iida,eraserhead as well.

Enhanced reflexes & hand-to-hand combat: she is great at counter attacking & nullificating some quirks as well,like bakugo while fighting him or sparring she can easily overpowered him less than a min.,in hand-to-hand combat is the same as her reflexes as well.

Enhanced telekinesis & teleportation: this was one was clearly unknown but somehow she always use this before she had her quirks,but she is almost strong as tatsumaki from one-punch man.

Equipments:

She always had a whip or some weapons that easy used in combats while using her quirks.

Quirks: Elements

Types: Transformation,Bending

Elements Techniques & methods

Fire: hellfire blaze, magma burst,lava steams,flames of hells.

Earth: earth's destruction,blades of stones,boulder spikes,rocks of quacks.

Wind: race of the hurricanes,winds of rebellion,airs of jesters,rumbling tornados.

Water: raging typhoons,whirlwind maelstorm,aqua burst,war of the sea,oceans rampage,tsunami's massacre.

Mixed ver.:

Fire + wind: hellfire hurricane,winds of hell,airs of magma,rumbling steam of lava tornado.

Fire + earth: rocks of volcanic wars,burning quacks,stones of lava's,magma boulder.

Earth + wind: quack tornado,earth's hurricane,rocks of the wind,bouldering air.

Wind + water: aqua wind,winds of ice,blizzard of tsunami,whirlwind winter,snow typhoon,shivering maelstorm.

Advantages:

☆ She can perform them in a different techniques & moves.

☆ She uses them with or without her weapons.

☆ She can easily change their diffrent shapes,styles,& movements,she also make them as her weapons.

Disavantages:

☆ it drains a lot of energy on his body for pushing it for too long.

☆ he gets restrained on his body & some of them aches if he pushes for far too long.

☆ he usually pass out & been out for a days or weeks for using too much of his energy.

Enhancement:

☆it's useful ability,to use in order to maximiaz some of their quirks including himself too,but that also parts of disavantages as well,since it could get someone hurt.

Transformation:

Fire: pheonixia/xius

Earth: Terraria/rios

Wind: nymphia/phios

Water: sirenix/tius

Transfusion:

Fire + wind: soaring flames

Fire + earth: volcancia/cious

Earth + wind: boulderia/rus

Wind + water: wintersia/rus

Stats:

Power: 5/5

Speed:5/5

Technique:5/5

Intelligence:5/5

Coorperativeness:3/5

Battle & Events:

USJ incident: when this incident happens,she helped all might in the fight,but she lets all might finish the fight in the end & help izuku & the others get treated.

Sports festival: she had won many rounds in this event,but while she still up next she was with the other's teachers regarding the usj incident.

HOSU incident: in this incident happens when she visited izuku & gran torino,when the three head to hosu city,that where the three starts to help the people & the two to find iida,when they did she starts to give a first shot while izuku keeps iida & hero native safe & sends help.

Training camp incident: she along with the others got injured after the villains had attacked their training camp,while she had minor & izuku had major,she felt guiltiness for not saving bakugo.

Rescue mission:

After the incident she along with the students are comtemplating whether or not to try & save bakugo,however in the end she joins the others to rescue bakugo.

From Iida to izuku:

When they put their plan in motion,she saw iida punch izuku & heard what she says,she conforted iida about it & somehow everything is ok between izuku & iida,though she did laugh at the fact todoroki called iida"watcherman iida".

All for One v.s All Might:

When the fight between all might & all for one,she once heard that she was connected to chi's father's disappearance,that it turns out that her father was force by all for one to work with him,but after meeting his mom,he also knew he had kept the secret he had a family with naturia from him,& he was the who killed his father,cause of this, it hurts chi's heart but kept strong while she helped izuku & the others save bakugo while he helps them,she keeps the other villains away.

Dormetries: after the incident,she heard that the teachers have built a dormetries for the students in order to keep them safe,she is still feel hurt about the incident but,she was ok now after she moved in the dormetries with izuku.

Hero provesional license incident: when they day another provesional license exam happens,she met togata mirio who had a interesting quirk,unfortunautly for mirio she knew chi had a elemnetal quirk,thats why there are times mirio wins & loses from chi,& chi is same as him.

incident: when she & izuku,along with mirio starts their hero provesional license exam,they ran into eri who is a girl with uncontrolable quirk & a former yakuza,they form a plan & decided to try & save eri from chisaki,everything just turns fuzzy to him howeever they have succeded on saving eri,when everything is over they start to go home but she first decided she wants to talk to chisaki,but when saw that tomura is about to kill him,she saved chisaki & help the others brings him to arrest,she & chisaki once talked but thats about it.

U.A Festival: when the others are starting,they have a plan to make a mini-concert,while they have practice about it,she & izuku have encounter gentle & love-lover,things gets rather serious but they able to make in time in order to make eri smile.

Relationships:

Inko & Izuku Midoriya:

He & izuku have been friends since they are both 4,she was the one that always protects izuku,not only that both also bonds on quirks analysim & strategism,while with his mother,inko she usually calls her auntie or sometimes by accidental "mom".

Katsuki Bakugo:

Both met at the age of 6,the two have mutual relationship with each others,however after the incident two did starts to become closer,but they still mutual with each other.

Iida Tenya & Uraraka Ochako:

She always laughs at tenya's enthusiams,but neverthless she & iida gets along well,as for uraraka she did know uraraka likes izuku,however she knows that another person likes izuku as well but she never tells her yet.

Toshinori Yagi/All Might: usually she & toshi who is known as all might had a odd friendship with one another but they get along very well.

Todoroki Shoto: she met shoto on the entrance exam,& had formed a aqquintacneship with one another but as time passed their relationship had gone to from acquintanceship to friendship,though she also feel worry for him after she heard his past.

Aizawa Shota/EraserHead: both had a rather serious comedic relationship,they make a pretty good teamwork.

Togata mirio & eri: she doesn't much interact with them,but they do have a good relationship.

Stain/chizome akugumo: she doesn't know much about him but she sometimes visits him & talked.

Kai chisaki/overhaul: their relationship can say the same that is almost like him & stain,but they talked less.

Trivia:

☆ she wants to be called she because some people keeps reffering to his fake or current gender.

☆ she likes izuku very much,since izuku was sweet & funny.

☆ she likes to draw,music,animes,adventures,training & quirks anaylizing & strategism.

☆ she doesn't know that she somehow victimize some of the boys from different grades & somehow some male pro-heros too(mainly:kirishima,denki,mineta,tetsutetsu,iida,mirio & tamaki).

☆ she likes dumplings,& rice-pork bowl,choco-buns too.

☆ she & toshi usually hang-out once in awhile when is about there lives or is about some classes or is izuku,or regarding toshi's health.

☆ she also have healing as well she never shown it much,only when they are not close to the u.a from recovery girl.

☆ she sometimes do what izuku as well when it comes to anaylizing quirks,instead she never mutters,but actually she does she just saying with letting out a sound.

Edit;Chikara & kyoko shares the same elemental abilities but kyoko is toph but mellow & a ‘avatar’,chikara can bend elements as well but not much as kyoko,both are my ocs

___________________________

Chikara belongs @me

Boku no hero academia @rightfulowners

[rearima]

TG:re 126

Long post with all my thoughts/meta on this chapter. Talking about Yoriko, Mutsuki, Aura, Ui, Touka/Kaneki, Centipede-kun. Wrote part of this last week, finishing it super late now. But still counts as long as tgre 127 isn’t out yet :P

So Yoriko is fine and the hand was fake afterall. Touka’s “So that hand was fake all along” means that she actually didn’t know whether or not Yoriko really was in Mutsuki’s hand or how she was doing/alive. Makes me wonder what actions she would have taken if the wedding didn’t happen and also how much she actually talked to Kaneki about this matter, seeing that she was only thinking to herself about how the hand was fake and Kaneki didn’t make any impression that’d suggest that he knew about the severity of the situation. I mean, she could’ve just told him that she’s heard rumors that Yoriko was getting married to an investigator and asked Kaneki to bring her there so she could at least see her best friends wedding from afar. I’ve talked about this before, as I was wondering what actions she’d take to save Yoriko and how she didn’t open up about it to Kaneki so he had no idea what was going on. Now, the Yoriko situation seems to be solved surprisingly easy but I highly doubt (and hope) this isn’t the end of this conflict. Yoriko is a very important person in Touka’s life and her character development and it’s still an unsolved issue as Touka has been running away from it, to protect Yoriko but also fearing what Yoriko would think of her when she learns that she’s a ghoul (would she think that Touka’s a ‘monster’? - we know how it’s something that has been haunting Touka). (Btw, why hasn’t anyone brought out that Uta joke aka ‘What if Yoriko actually was Uta in disguise’ this time lol…)

that part about Mutsuki and Urie was something I was really pleased to see. I’ve been wondering for some time now about Mutsuki’s bond and feelings towards others (that are not Kaneki). Because of their past and then seeing how they went quite psycho, I began to wonder how much they actually cherish the other ppl around them. Also wondered about the nature of their special bond with Urie. AND the question that has been floating around lately: Is Mutsuki redeemable? And I kinda got my answers in this chapter? First things first: Urie got friendzoned really hard.

He is that one special person that is particularily close to Mutsuki: 1. both know each others ‘secrets’ (see auction raid, where they saw his vulnerable side and he discovered their biological gender) 2.Mutsuki was very open to him, talking about their wishes/feelings/thoughts and how they are tasked with the Oggai and even admitting to be in love with their former mentor and that they went to :re and 3. throughout the whole conversation I think it was very sincere and calm and sane on Mutsuki’s part. There was no acting, no facade. They’re still hiding things from Urie but…When was the last time I’ve seen this calm side of Mutsuki? 4. It shows the deep trust Mutsuki has for Urie. To actually trust others - this is really big deal for Mutsuki considering all the things they experienced and their current mental state. And we know they also care a lot about how Urie views them. Despite all, Mutsuki was worried about how to explain things to Urie when they attacked Akira on Rushima. It seems like Mutsurie is everything but just not romantic haha… (but my ship is still alive ok) Moving on to their bonds with others: Mutsuki expressed that they just wished that they all return to their former home (oh how I always get triggered by this word lol). And since I assume they’re not lying, I think it shows that they do cherish the others and holds dear the good old times they spend together. Kaneki is someone they clutch on, but he isn’t the only thing that matters and even if the priorities are very clear there, it still is interesting to see that there are other things that genuinely matter to Mutsuki, even after all that’s happened. - And that brings me to the question whether Mutsuki is redeemable. The things I’ve seen in this chapter from Mutsuki are shining a more positive light on this character. They didn’t actually hurt Yoriko (probably also because it’d cause lots of trouble) and mentioned that Bujin looked happy and she looked pretty and wondered if any of them would find such happiness. And I think I saw a genuine soft and good side of them shine through there. Also, it’d be easier for Ishida do redeem this character if they didn’t do anything to Yoriko because otherwise many would call bullshit and how this character is way too far gone to make any way of redemption tolerable. While it’s true that if we were completely honest and unbiased, then we’d pretty much have to judge this character just as strictly as we judge Torso, but we mostly don’t and that’s just how it is, as we (or at least I) feel more sympathetic towards Mutsuki as this character has grown on me more than Torso ever did.

And well, Urie still couldn’t bring up the real questions… What’s he gonna do next though? Will he concentrate on dealing with Mutsuki or will he start with Kaneki?

So the theory about Aura Kiyoko having lost her legs are officially confirmed now. That explains Shinsanpei’s actions (kinda). Still think it’s a bit extreme how he developed that bloodlust and psychotic attitude (he didn’t care about killing humans in the last arc and acted like he didn’t see anything when running into Mutsuki and Uta). This boy is way too deep into revenge imo. But it also depends on how close of a relationship he has with his auntie. If she is like a mother figure to him, then well, one could explain how he loses himself this much. There’s a post about how the way Aura Kiyoko acts is a bit suspicious. I agree. and to kinda add to it, I always found it weird that Aura and Mougan were even allowed to live when they have seen all their faces. And yet, after that incident, only Kaneki and Hirako were actively wanted. How come they don’t seem to be looking for Touka (remember how they were hunting for Hinami?), who left quite the impression on the two special classes? I thought they’d all go into hiding because the two who saw their faces where still alive but they actually didn’t have to change their life style at all. I dunno. Maybe it’s just a plothole? Afterall, Hirako and this kids where walking around publicly aswell, and dear Kaneki even rode on a train and had much fun… What I’m trying to say is, I actually like this theory that the oek and the special class came to some kind of mutual understanding back then (After Kaneki injured her legs).

I’ve got many questions regarding the Okihara thing. I wondered how the heck Kanou was able to control his zombie army and when they were first introduced, they totally gave off the near to mindless killer zombies vibe, altho Okihara did speak briefly and it let me believe that while he stilll had a concious mind, his body was somewhat under control by Kanou. Now, in this chapter, it seems like he could act on his own acord with some restrictions. The theory about how Kanou might be controlling them by bribing with the “medicine” but I still think it doesn’t hold too much ground bc is Kanou really that sure that all of his zombies hold on to their new life so much that they’d just do anything Kanou tells them? It’d be a rather unsafe way to ensure control (and it’s kinda dangerous if some of them turn against him while he thinks he’s absolutely got the upper hand). Let’s say for example if Shirazu is one of them. I don’t think he’d just listen to Kanou and do things against his own moral (especially if he’d face his old team). Now, the meeting itself with Ui seemed pretty secretive and it makes sense that Kanou/Furuta wouldn’t want them to work together or share info. So why was he even able to walk around freely in the first place? Or did he just sneak out of the lab? I wonder about his “The dead do not return.” It could mean that he wasn’t dead dead at the time Kanou got his hands on him (he didn’t directly answer Ui’s question on whether he definitely died afterall). But in context of the rest of the story and the setups so far (pretty sure Shirazu and Hairu definitely died), I don’t think that’s the meaning behind this. Rather, he’s probably talking about how they don’t really come back as living people. They depend on their medicine and are robbed of their freedom. They’re only living on borrowed time. And well, Ui. This guy has been holding his personal feelings in for so long that he’s now totally loosing it. He lost the most important ppl in his life and even lost his beloved justice when he discovered Furuta’s true face and that he was used as a stepping stone for his evil plans. There’s nothing he can hold on to, nothing he can fight for (or so he thinks) and to keep himself alive he holds on to his past (aka the ppl he’s lost), even if it means selling his soul to the devil. I don’t see a good ending for him tbh…

(Ui and Urie have now joined my list of “characters who are competing with Kaneki for ‘protagonist of a tragedy’“. Congratulations.)

So now, onto the last chunk: Touka and Kaneki. First of all, yes, I loved seeing Kaneki smile (also bc he rarely does) and I know everyone are happy about it and I don’t mean to be a spoilsport, but it kinda felt superficial? The fact that they have finally reached the next base in their relationship did Kaneki good, it did some healing but he’s still far from overcoming his depression. Why do I feel that his smile or even, the happiness was superficial (heck, I really don’t know if this is even the right word, pls excuse my limited english knowledge)? When Touka gave him the ring he gave that super happy smile like there are no worries in the world while putting the necklace on and very naively claims that he’ll always remember her whenever he see the ring. Naive, bc he doesn’t seem to really get the message, meaning and weight behind it at all (afterglow sticks strong with this dork xD). He doesn’t question anything, doesn’t seem to have any deep thoughts about it, he just takes it as it is and is just in his happy mood throughout all the panels there. Kaneki is happy and behaving naive/superficial/ignorant, seeing things through rose-tinted-glasses (its must have been a few days after that night and he’s still a happy pup I can’t xD) Being a little naive is Not necessarily a bad thing though for he’ll have to get serious very soon anyways. but it surely does emphasize that ‘ignoring the problems around them’ theme of last chapter. Well, actually, that’s exactly what unsettles me. I feel like all this happy go lucky will be robbed of him before he can get one of his feet back on the ground…

There’s also this visible contrast between Kaneki’s and Touka’s demeanor. While Kaneki was all smiles and stuff Touka was rather thoughtful. Kaneki is still a little high but Touka is already back to normal. It’s especially visible in that scene where Kaneki boldly said “Whenever I look at this I’ll think of you, Touka-chan.” Touka turned around and didn’t give any sort of answer/comment beside “…” <- This is a sign that she’s actually having many thoughts rn and doesn’t want to say them or doesn’t know how to say them: We know the ring holds great importance to Touka and symbolizes love, parents, past. It’s super interesting and important to mention that her giving this to Kaneki can also be interpreted as her letting go of something she was holding on to. Or well, also passing it on, so someone else (Kaneki) can hold on to it when something happens to her (or also to himself) and he needs strength and comfort. i mean, he literally said something around this line so I’d be surprised if he doesn’t look at this ring and (cries) gains new strength/hold on to it with his dear life when things gets really tragic at some point (aka soon).

What are the reason for Touka to give her parent’s ring to Kaneki? It’s a symbol of love, trust, hope and remembrance and maybe she hopes that in the situations where he can’t get hold of his own life, when he is that lost and desperate, he can still hold on to this and remember that it is one of the reasons still worth struggling for. I wonder, what are her thoughts, what is weighing on her mind rn? Is she already worrying about how he might just disappear again one day. Is she worried that something bad will happen to him. Or herself? They live a dangerous life after all and that has just been proven again when Mutsuki attacked them at :re.

some side notes: The parallels between Hikari/Arata/(Yomo) and Touka/Kaneki/(Ayato) have been present for a long time now and what if, only hypothetically, Touka dies? Will Kaneki be consumed by hatred just like Arata? Is Touka maybe already worried about something like this?

People are freaking out about the deathflags on Touka and I’m just sitting here thinking that there are lots of things that are worse than death and we have seen many examples throughout TG… So no, personally, I don’t see Touka dying. Those are flags, yes, but not exactly ‘death’-flags (I don’t want either for Touka and it’s really scary thinking about what might happen to her in the future… whatever it’ll be though, I’m convinced she won’t die. It’s… just gonna be something worse…)

And everyone’s favorite, the Centipede showed up. There are many possibliities for its interepretation. It’s associated with strength. It appeared when Kaneki was tortured. It has a direct connection to when Kaneki finally got stronger, when he started to seek out strength, when he witnessed losses and hated that feeling of not being able to protect and also when he loses control and when we first learned more about his past. So those are things/themes that we might see again soon enough as Ishida loves playing this parallelism game. So, to sum it up: Tragedy incoming.

[peggyobrennan]

Identity Crisis Summer 2017

The world has twisted since this picture taken at National Rainbow Gathering last year, and so have I.

A deep depression has taken hold, even though I’m back on Cymbalta for it. I start therapy tomorrow, so let’s hope there’s at least no harm...

I must open up, in hopes there are hopes.

I tried writing about it, gonna share.

I called it: Identity Crisis Summer 2017:

So much irony having an identity crisis because I've come Home and am living with Family (blood, not Chosen). But I individuated so very very strongly, and then some. Ran away age 14, came back at 15. Ran away age 26, came back age 30. Ran away last spring, came back now. Moved to the other side from family of Rock Creek Park (after months in the mountains) to raise my kids in a diverse community, against Dad’s wishes, and ...I dunno, was he right? After age 10 they had a less privileged upbringing, which turned profoundly underprivileged, and now the side effects of poverty haunt us.

More irony is that there are facts of my existence that are very unusual, yet I feel nothingness, emptiness, clear vast blank, which is sometimes euphoric but mostly terrifying.  I have rare traits, and I didn't fabricate them. Like I birthed twins, accidentally concieved but profoundly WANTED, and their dad was/is a sh*t. He did things that would be impossible in the age of social media, even tho I understood we had an open marriage. Use your imagination.

I have the drive that artists have, yet the unmotivated state of a depressive.

One of my beloved musical partners said a year ago, “Oh, are you just gonna do Walkabout?” and my answer was YES, sincerely, but I kept letting my non-shine-ity hold me back. And I got wrapped up in some dreamtime, sorta. I DID go many many miles and have lots of adventures and see scads of sights. Then NYC in April/May was kinda painful, cuz I THOUGHT I could do the job at the lovely Ganas Community, but they let me go and my poverty mentality grabbed their offer of  “Sure take the whole paycheck, but be gone if so” (it's more complicated) and I regret that, MAYBE.

Maybe not, cuz my daughter DID get deep strong benefits from Mom being Home. Until we clashed last week when I got profoundly triggered and alienated her. (Which would explain Strong Sadness) Prayers requested for HER healing, which'll overflow to US.

IS there such a thing as a Healer who loses her sh*t, gets profoundly triggered and alienates her beloveds? Why yes, every shaman I know personally (and there are many) does that. But I then doubt my healing abilities. The Wounded Healer is a real thing but your own healing should have actually happened! Mine has, but I guess I'm in relapse.

Yet, last Solstice, 3 weeks ago, the circle I was part of insisted on my priestessing some of our process, and I did it. And my daughter lovingly attended with me, and she knew the Spiritual Giant Women who were in the circle since her childhood. That is good, deeply good.

Then on our way out that beloved young woman said I was like “comic relief for the circle”, a jester's role that sometimes (frequently) works for me. But does that mean I was justified in reading about Pierrot's Columbine's and Harlequin's poly triad (my take) for HOURS the other day, learning way more than I can use about jesting, and dreaming more?!? I don't know. I sure do love learning and exploring. And dreamtime.

Also on our way out of Solstice ritual my daughter called her twin brother to describe our antics. The wondrousness of shamanic dancing. I THINK she was telling that, but I have Selection Bias, though I KNOW she was delightfully recalling.

He wasn't there because 1)it's a women's circle, not my choice originally 2)he insisted there is no such thing as spirituality, though I would love him to argue that I've also got THAT wrong.

He, my beloved son, called me last Saturday, after I spent Friday night in the hospital. He showed his philosophical bent and worked to reassure me that everything is ok, bless him (oops). He Stood Up for Mom. See, my siblings? This is an excellent young man. Period.

They'd been recommending surgery, which is always to be avoided. I have a complicated medical history that is disgusting and infuriating to hear. So I'll spare you, even though it matters for this. Most pertinent NOW is that the red streaks radiating from the (internal) wound are gone and the pain is too. And more surgery would undoubtedly cause more adhesions which started this whole thing, besides incompetence of medical professionals. See my performance piece entitled A Scar Is Born, with the happy face ending. It isn't online; hopefully someday. I waver between open book and discretion. Frustratedly. Of course I would benefit from a manager and an agent.

I am in limbo of sorts. I have deep friends, and also am “getting the word out”, and the fact is, I use social media a lot. If it isn't interactive, social media can be mentally harmful. Sez I and others.

Home? Hometown? My family of origin has rejected me harshly, mostly in those microagressive ways, but more. Attempting to have my children removed and put in foster care in 2006, and other outrageous treatment of my children and me. Cousins and extended family are quite decent and loving. One must mention the mental illness of my older sister, who fixated on me (and mine) or decades, wrangling other family against me. Though it began very young, that's over now.

Part of my family's rejection might come from the fact that I am not straight. I was born with the bisexuality. It's true that I wouldn't have had to act on it, even though I already had at age 7, and then how about this one: I truly am gender nonconforming. I was in a theatre play at at the age of 12 in which I played a man, so maybe that's to blame, but I was always been told to be more ladylike, and only with the recent freedoms granted have I not had massive angst about clothing. Instead I've been doing drag surreptitiously for over 3 decades. At an all girls camp, one must have “drag”, teehee. The girl who played the (cross dressed) lead was stunning and talented and I had a big crush. Didn't recognize it for what it was. Nowadays I would have been allowed to. A few weeks ago I was in line at a pharmacy and the person behind me didn't think I was moving fast enough, so they said “Ma'am? Uh, sir? Erm. There's a space in front of you.” Just a few days ago at the hospital my attending physician asked if I was sexually active, immediately following with “Male? Female? Both?” to which my easy answer was “Both”. Because she offered me that option and it is truth. Before our recent liberations, I would have had to quickly discern how to honestly answer, so as to not offend the doctor and stay pertinent to the case. MY gender and sexuality are twisted together, but please know that they are not the same thing. Always the activist, another problem of mine...

More reason to not feel nothingness: I'm a recovering alcoholic addict, and the stats are low for longterm recovery. Another rarity. I have become a sort of 12 Step Junkie, so I have that indoctrination of  “A day without ____ is a productive day”, but... it rings hollow too much, so YAY for all the other tools. Like not isolating and having a network of people, but ironically I am only speaking with one or two f2f. Depression is contagious; gods forbid I bring it on you. My latest are NarAnon but the Most Useful is Underearners Anonymous. Here's how I'm not gonna break the 11th tradition: I know people in those programs, and I did not say I was a member. This is the 1st time I've ever even come close. My intense fear of doing a wrong thing is probably at play here.

Furtherly ironic is me not playing music with others, or at all; more of the self-destruction of depression. Until yesterday, I hadn't picked up my guitar in 9 days, practically a CRIME for a string player. One benefit of being in my home city COULD BE the network of musical connections that I truly developed here. Just a few years ago there were several public events where when I showed up without my instrument, I got scolded. But I need Right Livelihood, and there are many factors that have made music not my livelihood.

Yet I still am having a massive identity crisis. And having the classic symptoms of depression, Very Low Motivation, confusion, sadness, indecision, vicious cycles of ill health due to lack of self care, because... what's the use. It is significant that I went for medical care the other day and fortunate that I did. I will never suicide; I could not do that to my kids.

I am researching grad school to get a master's in psychology and become addictions counselor, hopefully utilizing my BA in studio art, my musical core, my jesterly nature, and my initiation as shamanic healer. Attempting research while wasting time, cuz I aint worth the effort, and having fabulous sammiches.

Obviously I am also hyper-graphic, compulsive with many things, and am knowingly using the hour of Good Mood that follows Morning Coffee to write this. I'm also considering full time work for a friend's Green Company, secretarial stuff. I do hope they actually noticed how genuinely butch I am, and heard me when I said grad school is likely in my near future.

Anyway, idletime is for the birds. Though I'm tremendously grateful for the Soft Landing that my auntie is providing for me here in NW DC. I just wish I wasn't living alone, but a beloved cousin has invited me to her beautifully crowded house in Bethesda for grad school time, and we're talking.

This beautiful picture of Rainbow Gathering 2016 feels worlds away. In many ways, it is. But I myself took it, and I was there. Sincerely. Just because the Spirit Names I have been given didn't stick, and I look like a Failed Soccer Mom with the S.A.D. Diet to strangers (deformed belly with that old wound, & authentic Nighttime Binging Disorder, please don't shoot me), doesn't mean I don't have relevant vital depth and value.

Depression sucks. It killed many members of my family and it's not gonna take me.

I'm just changing, and seeking. I was a performance artist, I was an illustrator, painter, my writing has been published, I will always be a musician, even if I believe people who consider females incapable of that, eff that. I am a multimedia artist. I put on an excellent concert 10 days ago. I had a visual art exhibition 16 months ago. I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and goldangit I handled the weirdest election in US history in a coal town, worked their general store, then worked in another pretty-well-integrated-with-mainstream commune (my preferred lifestyle, attempting freeganism, seriously) in NYC and … I'm gonna figure out how to tell these tales. And integrate them with my life.