#''no i'll fix it myself'' but i guess part of me was like ''lol no u won't. take all the help u can get u depressed bitch'' and also most of

[lacroixwh0r3]

Watch me, Touch me (part 2)

Neighbor!Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Summary: You've been avoiding Bucky after that night, but he isn't ready to let you go yet.

Part 1

Warnings: SMUT!!!, unprotected sex, creampie, spit, orgasm denial, dry humping, clothes ripping, alcohol usage, petnames (doll, honey, etc.), rough sex, mentions of exhibitionism/voyeurism, and teasing

Song inspo (feel free to listen if you want):

A/N: I am sooo freaking sorry for being gone for so long...I barely had a break this summer because I was taking classes and this is my final year in college (thank god!). But I will definitely try to write more when I can. Also I am so sorry about the errors in the first part...I did not read over it but I'll fix any errors when I get a chance lol. Anyway, ENJOY<3

"God, how long is this going to take?" I asked myself out loud as I impatiently waited for the papers to come out of the printer so that I could get home before the storm started. I'll be damned if I have to walk home during a storm in a skirt and heels.

Once my papers were done printing, I sped to my desk with my head down to avoid anyone speaking to me. That was until I felt my phone vibrate in my hand. I stop to check it and see that it's Bucky, once again asking if he did anything wrong.

I just sigh and shut off my phone before heading to my desk again.

It's been weeks since Bucky and I last spoke to each other.

After that night, we only spoke for a week until I realized I was getting too attached to him. I didn't want to end up with a broken heart because he seemed like an amazing guy, handsome, and his dick was like, really big.

I dropped the papers off at my desk, slipped on my jacket, and ran to the elevator. Once I was finally in, I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on the elevator walls, feeling exhausted. I wanted to do nothing more than just go to sleep right now.

I hear the elevator ding, indicating that it was going to stop for someone else. As it comes to a complete stop, I hear the sound of the doors opening, and someone walks on.

"Hello," a familiar voice says to me, causing my eyes to shoot open and me to jerk my head to where the familiar voice came from. Right in front of me was Bucky. He went to press the button for the floor he wanted, but I guess we were going to the same place.

Once he noticed that I was looking at him, he looked back at me, and his eyes widened at the sight of me in front of him.

"Y-y/n? "You work here?" He inquired, surprised that I was present.I break eye contact with him and look at the front of the elevator.

"Uh, yeah, I do," I simply reply, not wanting to look at him right now.For a moment, it was awkward, and for the next 40 seconds, which felt like hours, we both made it to the lobby of the building.

As soon as the doors opened, I dashed out of the elevator as I heard the sound of Bucky behind me. "Hey, Y/n! "Wait a minute, can we talk?" Bucky pleaded with me. The two doormen open the large doors as I quickly run out of the lobby, bidding them a quick "thank you" and "see you later" as I ignore Bucky.

As soon as I make it out the door, the rain instantly blinds me, causing me to almost run into a jogger. However, Bucky's vibranium hand quickly grabbed my wrist and pulled me into his body before I could run into the person. "You need to watch out," Bucky says to me as we both stand in the rain, pressed against each other. "You could've gotten hurt badly, y/n." He whispered. Just hearing the way he said my name made me weak in the knees.

"Sorry..." I mumble as I try to avoid his hard gaze.

"How about I take you--"

"NO!" I said this before he could even finish his sentence. I can't be alone with him.

"It's raining, yes," he pleads with me. "I know you're avoiding me right now, but please let me take you home?" I let out a sigh and looked at him only to find him already staring at me with large, hopeful eyes.

"Please?" He begs again.

I finally give in, not wanting to leave him hanging even more.

"Fine," I say to him. I really hope I don't regret this.

"Thank you, my car is just up the street. We should start walking fast." He tugs at my arm as he begins to walk in the direction of the car. He was still tugging on my arm as I tried to keep up with him, but due to the wet clothes on my body and my uncomfortable heels, it was too hard.

Finally, we make it to what I assume is his car. He lets go of my arm to dig into his back pocket to get the keys to the car. I reach out my arm to open the door, but he beats me to it and opens it for me.I just shake my head and give him a look of disapproval.

"Thanks, Bucky," I say to him as I slip into the expensive car. As soon as he closed the passenger door, I looked around the spotless car and noticed the clean leather seats, cringing at the fact that they were probably going to be ruined now because of our wet clothes. Bucky finally gets in the car and instantly presses the button to start it up.

It was silent as Bucky made his way towards our apartment. I decided to speak up and lessen the awkward silence by saying, "I am so freaking sorry about messing up your nice seats." I say to him as I look over at him with a guilty look. He looked so good while driving with that concentrated look on his beautiful face that it made me clench my legs even harder.

"No, it's fine," she says.He takes his eyes off the road for a slight moment and looks into my eyes and down at my legs as my skirt goes farther up my thighs, but he quickly looks back at the road and clears his throat.

I swear, for a split second, there was a look in his eyes that could bring any person to their knees. In order to contain myself, I bite my bottom lip and look out the window. I was afraid I might say or do something I'd regret later. My mind then starts to drift off to the first time I "met" Bucky.

I soon snapped out of my daydreaming when I realized that we were sitting in the slightly dark parking garage at our apartment complex and Bucky was calling my name.

"Y/n? "Are you okay?" Bucky asked me with a concerned look on his face once I snapped my head towards him. I just nodded my head, still not trusting myself to speak.

"Are you sure, doll?"  "You were squirming in your seat for a while," he said, making my face flush with embarrassment. He was watching me get turned on the entire time I was thinking about the time we both watched each other through the window.

"Um yeah, I was just thinking about something—work!" "You know how work gets." I let out an awkward laugh, trying to get off the topic quickly. Bucky lets out a small hum and chuckles a bit as he looks at me and turns the car off, almost like he knows what I am actually thinking about.

He most definitely knew what I was thinking about, but I would never admit it out loud.

We both get out of the car and begin walking to the elevator. "Thanks for the ride, Bucky," I say softly as I give him a weak smile, causing him to smile back and brush his fingers through his long locks.

"Anytime, sweet girl," our stroll returned to silence, but not before he asked me a question."Do you want to come over for a drink?"

When he noticed my hesitation, he quickly clarified that it was only one drink and I was free to say no if I didn't want to. Even though I knew I should've said no, I still agreed.

Soon, we arrive at the door of his apartment. He quickly scrambles for his keys, unlocks the door, and pushes the door open. He allows me to go first and closes the door behind himself. Surprisingly enough, the apartment was one of the cleanest places I've been to.

"Your place is so clean, Bucky, I'm a little shocked," I say to him jokingly as I look around the apartment that was slightly the same as mine. I see him snap his head towards me as he drops his keys on the countertop.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, Y/N?" Bucky lets out a laugh.

"I'm kidding," I reassured him. "Your place is one of the cleanest places I've ever seen."

He lets out a hum in response.

"So, I have red wine or some whiskey. Which one do you want?" He asks me as he looks into my eyes and leans against his arms on the countertop.

The dim light and the way he looked at me right now made me want to climb up and let him have his way with me, but I resisted the urge.

"Hmm, you pick." He bites his lip and turns around to grab the glasses. He grabs one wine glass and another short glass for the whiskey, which I would assume is for him. He sits them down and begins to pour the drinks for them.

"Here you go, sweetheart," he says to me as he hands me the wine glass. I felt my heart beat out of my chest due to the nickname and our fingertips touching as he handed me the glass.

"Thank you, Buck." I spoke to him softly.

"Of course," he says before taking a quick sip of his whiskey. "How about we have a seat, hmm?" Bucky leads me to the couch.

I put my drink down and plopped down on the couch so that I was facing him. We both sat there for a minute just looking at each other until a smile slowly crept onto his face, causing us both to laugh.

After a couple of seconds, we both begin to cool down, and he immediately asks me the question I've been avoiding. "Why haven't you answered my calls or texts, Y/N?" His face was now laced with concern.

"Was it something I did?" He followed up.

"Bucky, "It was nothing you did that caused me to stop responding," I sighed."I just didn't want to get attached in case you didn't want anything to do with me."

I look down, but he quickly grabs my chin, forcing me to look at him. "Y/n, I would never lead you on." He reassures me as he searches my face and strokes my chin with his thumb.

"After that first night with you, I knew I needed to have more of you." He bites his lip once more, which causes my eyes to focus on his lips.

"Do you understand me?" Bucky asked me sternly. I just let out a hum, but I guess that wasn't enough for him because his grip on my chin got more firm. "Words baby."

"Yes, Bucky," I whisper back to him. At this point, I wanted to climb into his lap and fuck him into oblivion. I needed him.

"Good girl." He was now looking at my lips as his thumb swiped across my bottom lip.

The sexual tension was out of control, and I knew I wasn't going to be able to control myself much longer.

He suddenly pulls me onto his lap, causing me to let out a yelp. I could feel his cock pushing against my pussy through my tights as I was sitting right on top of it. I knew he could feel the warmth of my pussy due to his cock stirring in his pants and his thighs slightly flexing as he pushed his hips against me to get more friction.

"Did I do this to you, Bucky?" I whisper in his ear as my breathing gets heavier. I feel his lips slowly ghosting down my neck.

"Fuck yes, Y/n." He lets out a breathy whisper, causing me to shiver. I feel his hands move down my back and stop on my ass.

He pushes me down farther as he grinds against me. I could feel my puss pulsing. I needed him right now. I've been craving him, and now that I have him, I'm not sure I can let go.

He kisses my neck softly as we both let out gentle low moans and dry hummed each other like teenagers.

"Bucky-shit—I need you in me right now, baby," I whined out to him as I threw my head back in euphoria.

"Yeah? "Are you going to be a fucking good girl for me?" He grunted as he left his hand up and quickly brought it down to spank my ass.

"Ye-oh, my god!"

"What was that doll?" He spanks my ass once more as he waits for my reply.

"Fuck, yes, Bucky!" I moan out loudly. "I'll be your good girl, only for you."

"Only for me?" Bucky whispers in my ear, causing me to push my pussy down on him more and to clench around nothing.

"Only you, Bucky." I say as I bite down harshly on my lip. He grabs the back of my neck and pushes down on my ass as he flips us over so I'm laying on my back on the sofa and he's sitting between my legs.

Bucky bunches my skirt up some more so that he has better access to my pussy. He then rips my thin tights and rips my underwear, which were apparently too flimsy.

"Bucky!" I let out a gasp, getting ready to scold him because he ripped my underwear, but I was quickly interrupted by my own moans as he brought his rough yet soft fingers down on my clit and slowly began to rub it in small, gentle circles.

"I'm sorry, baby, I needed to get to this pretty little pussy fast." Bucky says as he leans in for a rough kiss. All I could do was moan into his mouth.

However, he suddenly pulls away from the kiss and removes his fingers from my clit. I let out a small whine out of frustration.

"I'm sorry, baby, I know you're wet already, but I'm going to need to get you even more wet." He says this as he brings his fingers up to his mouth and spits onto the tips of his fingers. Bucky then rubs the spit-covered fingers onto my clit as I let out a loud sob of pleasure. I know I'm loud right now, but I couldn't help it.

"You like this, huh?" He looks up at me with his beautiful eyes as he keeps himself up with a metal arm. "You like it when I please you like this, darling?"

"Fuck, Buck. Yes more!" I let out a groan.

"I'll give you more doll, but can you take them?" He teased me as he continued to play with me. I whine again as I pull his head close to my chest.

"Who am I kidding? I know you can, my little whore, isn't that right?" All I could do was just nod my head. I couldn't even form words at this very moment.

He suddenly stops once again and says, "Bucky." I moan loudly, becoming more and more frustrated as he teases me. This time, he jumps off the couch and stands on top of me, unbuckling his pants.I could now see the outline of his thick, erect cock through his boxers.

Bucky then pulls down his boxers too. His cock springs out as it is released, causing me to gasp. Even though I had seen it before, touched it, sucked it, and had it in me, I was still shocked by his size. He chuckles at my reaction.

"Oh, baby, don't be shocked now. I know you can take it just like the other times, right?" He chuckles and lets out another beautiful moan as he begins to stroke it slowly. The way his arm flexed as his hand moved back and forth on his cock while his metal arm stroked his torso made me even more wet.

"Buck baby, please—I need you in me now," I beg him as my hands inch down to my pussy. The ache inside me only grew stronger and stronger, and I had to relieve it somehow.

"Fine, baby, since you've been good." Bucky says as he spits on his plump, pink lips.He climbs between my legs and pushes my legs open so that I am exposed to him. I could feel his thick, warm cock rub against my pussy. We both let out loud moans.

"You're getting me so wet already, baby, and I'm not even inside you yet." As he continues to thrust his tongue between my lips, he says. "Do you like it when I do this, hmm, doll?" Bucky looked at me before lifting his shirt and biting his lip at the lewd view. I decided to look down too and was met with the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

"Oh Bucky, look at us, baby." I breathe out. He moans in response and continues his thrust, but once he goes back, I decide to reach between us and guide his cock into me. We both let out loud, sharp gasps once he thrust in again. I felt myself stretch around his length.

"Holy fuck!" He moans as he slowly thrusts into and out of me.Bucky decides to lift both of my legs and push them up as his strokes begin to go faster.

"Oh my god, Bucky," I almost yelled out. "You feel so fucking good, so fucking deep inside me!" This only encouraged him to go even faster. I felt as though his balls slapped against my ass, causing a loud sound of our skin meeting together. He bent down and attacked my lips with his. Both of our tongues moved against each other as he let out a few grunts here and there in the kiss as I whimpered.

I sucked at his bottom lip, but he jerked back, looking down, and pulled up his sweatshirt, which had felt down his chiseled abs. His once perfectly slicked back hair was now unkempt. I had begun to feel my pussy clench down on him tighter as that familiar feeling that we both were chasing got closer. I was ready to release.

"Baby, I'm about to come!" I moan out as I throw my arms above my head, unsure of what to do with them at that moment.

"Yeah? You're going to cum for me, good girl?" He asked me teasingly.

"Yes-Fuck Bucky!" I moan and close my eyes, ready to release, but I guess Bucky had other plans because he pulled out of me before I could even complain.

This dirty motherfucker

"Hmm, I'm not so sure, dirty girl..." He lets out the sexiest laugh as he wraps his hand around the base of his cock. He pushes my legs up again with his metal arm and begins to flick the tip of his cock against my clitoral. I was becoming overwhelmed by the feeling.

"Bucky, what are you doing to me? Oh my god!" I moan. I reached around my thighs as I tried to get him to slow down his fast motions. He then pushed inside of me again, but this time he had gripped the back of my thighs as he roughly gripped me. I couldn't even breathe at this point—all of my senses were overwhelmed.

Bucky was concentrated as he thrust into me hard, never making a single sound as he looked deeply into my eyes. The loud clapping sounds could be heard throughout the whole apartment, most likely in the hallway too. The thought of someone hearing us only turned me on more.

I opened my mouth to let out a moan, but nothing came out. His thrust never slowed down, causing beads of sweat to begin to form and roll down the side of his face.

This was a different side of Bucky I had ever seen; there was almost something animalistic about him right now. That didn't frighten me though...I only wanted more.

His grip on my thighs tightened as he got closer to coming. "Are you going to cum for me, big boy? Hmm?" I moaned. He didn't respond to me, but he began to let out deep moans. His thrusts started to get sloppy as his orgasm got closer.

He lets go of my thighs and leans his body onto mine so he can kiss my neck. The sensation of his breath hitting my next, his cock repeatedly hitting my spot...I knew that I was going to cum. As he came inside me hard, he let out the loudest moan I've ever heard from him. This caused my orgasm to hit me like a truck.

"Oh my god, I'm fucking cumming Bucky," I moan as I pull him closer to me by his hair.

"You're cumming all over me, pretty girl." He moans into my ear. We were both cumming together at this point and loudly moaning. I feel his hot soup begin to fill me up. His body shook and hardened against mine as he reached his release. My pussy clenched even tighter around his cock.

"Do you like cumming around this cock as I feel you up?" Yeah?" He kissed my neck some more as he was coming down from his orgasm. I just whimpered and nodded my head as I was coming down from my orgasm too. I couldn't speak even if I tried. His hips were now slowly moving until he decided to stop and just lay on top of me.

We both sat there in silence for a little bit, as his cock was still in me. Bucky then finally decided to pull out, causing us both to gasp, and he looked down at my pussy as his cum slowly leaked out of me.

"Doll, look at you. My messy cum is leaking out of that beautiful pussy." He almost coos at me as his finger tips gently swipe the cum back inside me.

I decided to sit up and stare at the handsome man in front of me. I felt like I was glowing, like I could be whatever with Bucky.

He looks up at me as I stare at him, causing him to tilt his head like a lost puppy. "Are you okay, honey?" He asked me with a concerned look on his face.

"Of course I am Buck; I was just looking at how handsome you are." I smile at him sweetly wanting to do nothing more than sit there and cuddle with him on his comfy couch. His cheeks began to get red as he blushed and looked back at me with a shy look.

I made Bucky flustered. This causes my heart to flutter against my chest.

"Aww, thank you, honey. You look amazing right now too." Bucky tells me as he leans forward to kiss my head and pinches my cheek afterwards.

"Come on, let's go get in the shower and get some food after. Does that sound good to you?" He asked me as he climbed off the couch and reached for my hand.

"That sounds great, handsome." I grab his hand, and he begins to lead us to his bathroom.

[flymetosnarryland]

My Snarry WIPs' list.

I would like to share something. My Snarry WIPs' list, yup. Why? I always felt weird writing about myself and stuff I do, but I'm processing changes and thought I can share not only art, lol.

How many project are you working on? I'll dive into couple of mine:

Date with a Star - a Post-War romantic comedy. Harry is in love with Severus, Severus secretly loves Harry. Both are too scared to say what they feel to not lose their friendship. A friend in need asks Harry for help and this is where the wild ride with dumb dating TV-show starts. Especially because Harry don't know that the same friend-in-need blackmailed Severus to get him into the same show too. This is actually a second Snarry fic I ever started to write, inspired by dating TV-show from 1992. I remember that when the idea for this one hit me, I was laughing for a good hour (that TV-show was absolutely ridiculous). And I still feel a pinch of positive embarrassment when think about what's going on there. In fact this story made me want to learn how to translate my wiritngs into English. It's half written and translated too. I really have to finish second part.

Infraction - my first monster fic. My baby. Crime (serial killer), slow burn, Muggle AU featuring Marauders and Death Eaters, political sheananigans and Severus' old flame. I have entire story written out from beginning to the end. What's more... with an ending that allows me to dive into second book (I'm excited lika a child) including the initial idea for it, ahh. Every time I think about Infraction, I feel butterflies in my stomach and a tear comes to my eye, damn. However, the entire project requires a huge amount of work. And a few modifications that I finally have to do to complete the first stage. It's not simple, though. I regret a bit that I released the cover, prologue and first chapter. I was prematurely carried away by the joy of creation, but that's okay. Going to fix it all in time.

In the Moonlight - working title. Something I planned to write for last year's Snarry AUctoberfest, but the beast got bigger, lol. Crime (kidnapping), Muggle AU - my great weakness and, most importantly, inspired by the movie Bodyguard (the one with Whitney Huston). Much like Infraction, this fic is fully planned and scripted. I can't believe I managed to do it. I wrote 1/4 of the whole thing and even have the lyrics of original song that Harry dedicates to Severus, although I don't know anything about music at all (an elephant stepped on my ear).

In between - a drawing series. Harry and Severus in a cute/fluff version. Post-War and happy life, because that's what they deserve!

First time - Drama/Romance, Muggle AU (gosh, yeah, again!). This is a project I want to do 50/50 as a fic/comic. A few works and dirty sketches have already landed here. I have a little dream of writing something that includes e-mails/text messages. In general, a romance that started online. Aren't Harry and Severus purfect for this? (Plus doing art in colour for this project was a test I wanted to start before 3B.)

3B - a Vampire fic, yessss. Can you believe that once I said, I'll never ever write or do anything connected to vampires? Hehe, now I'm in the middle of it, fully commited and over the moon. A bit dark/angsty story with a bonus: illustrations. Crime (more like, cri-me a river, lol; I mean, again? Yup xD), Post-War, a few intrigues, even a SnarryWedding o_0 gosh. That is another thing I said: "No, that's not going to happen." I guess, I fell on my head since now I do everything I promised to myself not to. But it's fun. And bloody, mhaha. I also created my own Vampire Villains and I kinda fell in love with them. Going to sneak into this fic a bit of blood magic mechanics that I created for my fantasy book, too. The picture at the top is one version of the cover sketches ɷ◡ɷ

Adrenaline - working title. Post-War/Drama/Romance and slow burn, a bit of Hogwarts, a bit of Quidditch and for a change Severus will have to show that he wants something more. I mean, I always writing/thinking about Harry chasing Severus. So here the dynamic will change a little. Can't wait for it! The idea for this one was accidentaly born last week and I can't stop it anymore. The inspiration comes from the cover art for Witch Weekly that I did, lol. I had no idea that at the stage of brainstorming, it would turn into another monster. It supposed to be a short story, but, apparently, I'm not good at short stories and it's time to come to terms with it xD I won't cry either because I like Harry and Severus pairing up in different ways/AU's, hehe. And most importantly - creating all these things, even if they don't fully see the world outside my drawer, still gives me great joy!

[tixdixl]

"Clear the catwalk. It's time to steal the spotlight!"

Groovy: [LOCKED]

Set Home: Let's do this thing!

Home Transition 1: What? You think I cast an illusion spell? Darling, I haven't even begun casting magic~.

Home Transition 2: I've already mapped out a possible plan if all goes awry. Just trust me!

Home Transition 3: I really appreciate Silver recommending me for this mission. Every aspect of this is right up my alley. From performance, to theft, there's no part of this I can't do well.

Home, after Login: Not to be petty on main, but it's incredibly striking to me that no one from Pomefiore is here. Intriguing.

Home Transition, Groovification: [LOCKED]

Tap Home 1: I'll be honest, I don't think I ever imagined Ace feeling at home on a catwalk. Then again, life is full of surprises.

Tap Home 2: Ortho looks S. T. U. N. N. I. N. G! ...but can he actually see though?

Tap Home 3: The fairies keep looking at me. I can't tell if they are enraptured or if they are gossiping.

Tap Home 4: Feel free to guess what's a lie and what's the truth. I promise... you'll find yourself in a maze.

Tap Home 5: Something something Oceans 8 reference here, yeah?

Tap Home, Groovification: [LOCKED]

~~~

So... this was definitely an art piece that I realized what felt off about it AFTER I finished rendering and it was too late for me to fix it. So y'all better be ready when I sit down and finish their groovy art. Cause realest shit? I'm going to try to push myself to make it the best illustration I've made thus far. I'm DETERMINED!!!! Lol

Legit though, this was the first event that I came across where I was like... No, René is DEFINITELY in this. There's no question about it. So it was only a matter of time before I made this card.

Tag List: @ramshacklerumble @elenauaurs @rainesol @inmateofthemind @starry-night-rose

@cyanide-latte @blithesharem @theleechyskrunkly @thehollowwriter @boopshoops

@the-trinket-witch

Lmk if you want added/removed!

[sandyseagullsip]

Universe thingy (title in progress i guess)

Hi lol.

Part 2

CW: gunfire: you know, regular cod stuff

Indulge me; imagine this.

You had finally gotten home from a long day of work. Bitchy coworkers, upset clients, stupid issues that should've been fixed already, --- needless to say, you were stressed out. What better way to wind down than playing one of your favorite games, hm?

You boot up your console, searching through your game library in hopes of finding something that could distract you. Eventually, you decide on the Call of Duty Modern Warfare games (the new ones). The campaign is good, the characters are great, it should get you out of the frazzled, careworn mindset you've been in all day.

Oh. Boy, were you wrong.

You select your game, and your vision goes white. Your first thought was, 'did this job finally give me an aneurysm?' Your hearing had disappeared too, yet it was the first sense to come back.

Gunfire.

When you could finally see, you were no longer on your sofa wallowing in sorrow; you were in a fucking warzone. Not that you were prepared for this clothing wise, in your hoodie and sweatpants.

The only thing you manage to get out is,

"Holy fucking SHIT-!"

And you start running. And running. It's dark, but you keep going. And the first shelter you see is a downed helicopter.

You're about to go in when you hear a voice you know: "Get your gun on that tree line."

Ghost. One of your favorite characters. But now you know you shouldn't attempt to enter. On the other hand, you need to. You'll wind up shot if you don't. So, you slowly start to get in. (ha, you thought they wouldn't notice?)

And now three guns are aimed at you: an Alpha soldier, Ghost, and Soap. You know this mission like the back of your hand. You could help them. But your fight or flight turned instead to freeze, both hands up to signal that you were no harm to them.

"A fuckin' civilian?" Ghost mumbled, followed by Soap's "Steamin' Jesus..."

"Th' fuck are you doing here?" Ghost questions, staring you down, still aiming his gun at you.

"I don't-- I don't know?" You manage to get out. This big man with a skull mask and his buff Scottish friend are both aiming guns at you. Sure, they are the good guys, but they still will probably shoot you.

"I can help you!" You yell out quickly. Jesus Christ, why did I-

"Shut up." Soap loudly whispers at you. "But how cannae y' help us? Why should we trust you?"

"I know what happens. Trust me."

They both look at each other, confused and slightly angered.

"Better no' be a fuckin' spy, or I'll shoo' you myself." Ghost mumbles, grabbing you by the wrists.

"We cannae jus-"

"Might give us a shot a' Hassan."

Ghost gestures for you to stay down, as he aims his gun out the helicopter window. And lucky (not really) you, there's a gun on the floor! As the AQ fighters pour in you decide to test your luck with a gun.

Long story short,

You were just a simple retail worker, how were you supposed to know how harshly the gun would recoil? You also got a souvenir from the ordeal (you got shot in the arm).

The men did not like your pain tolerance (may have complained too many times), but you got through it all, even the snipers on the roof.

But as you approached that area and told them there would be snipers, they didn't believe you. You can't tell them they're in a video game you've played too many times to even count, so 'trust me' is the only thing you can say.

This earned you looks from the entirety of the Bravo team, which made you realize that, shit, you probably will be interrogated later.

Eventually, you made it to the warehouse. Soap walked up next to you, looking down at you.

"Now whats in this one?" He asked sarcastically. This might be something he should find out on his own, you thought. But you said it anyway. Shit.

"Enemies. and uh- anamericanmissile." You say quickly hoping he doesn't notice. But this causes him to go into the warehouse faster than you could think.

Once all the enemies were KIA, you brought them to the missile container. He presses a button causing the team to see the launcher and the American flag on the side.

"We found a weapons cache. Hassan's got missiles... they're American." Ghost said into his radio. "And you," He points, "I've got someone who's gonna have a bloody lovely talk with you later."

Ghost handcuffs your wrists, handing you off to have Soap bring you to exfil.

Shit.

-------

AAAAA

[yuyulie]

Feel free to ignore everyone but I've just been looking at some of the things I made over the years and its so many things I gave up on lmao 😭😭 I see a bunch of things online, go and recreate them in MD/Blender and most of the time they either don't work in game or the textures look like shit 💀💀 so if anyone wants to see them, check down below 👇🏽👇🏽

Had to go in the whatsapp chat archives with my irl to find this BUT THIS WAS MY FIRST MESH from back in sept 2022 apparently? I was soooooooo proud of myself this took me literally like a week bc of the weights and then the textures and I used the fuck outta this top in my game, every sim of mine was wearing it 🙂‍↕️ lmao but i took a break from the sims in jan '23 bc of my internship and when I came back I was like "OMG this looks like SHIT???

I'll be honest I don't remember ever opening this in game 😭 but apparently this top was like 20k~ polys??? Crazy times

NGL i feel bad abt deleting the first top since i made it for a tiktok cc process vid and people asked me when i was planning on releasing and i was like yea soon 😊 then never did shjdbhjdbfds

THE SANDALS WERE MY FIRST EVER PAIR OF SHOES but the straps would disappear when i made the sims feet bigger 😭 but its fine now i (kinda) learned how to make (very simple) shoes now so maybe ill post some soon 🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽

The hat was cute but in cas my sims would get the question mark when i put it on them i don't know why?? and the bikini belt thing was just meh so i got rid of it

The first top was also my favorite for awhile but the weights were kinda weird, everything else also had the same problems and honestly im glad they did bc they were all ugly af, SUPER high poly and just looked like caca in game thank god i deleted them (there were more things i made in between this and the next pic im abt to show but i don't have any pics soooo)

This hello kitty necklaces I was so proud of and I made SO MANY SWATCHES (18!!!) but bc i always rush to finish everything before getting in game, when i finally checked them they looked real nice im ngl BUT the morphing was sooo bad on small beads😭😭 they looked even worse on the masc frames RIP

I don't have the ref I used for this anymore but it was a really cute bonnet, mine just looked like a crumbled piece of paper plus its from last year so I didn't know how to retopologize or how to sculpt in Blender

This was supposed to come out with one of the simblreen gifts but again I didn't like the morphs but I did use the base of the cross for my other cross necklaces so i guess not completely useless 🤞🏽🤞🏽

Still proud of the lighter but I don't know what I was going for 😪

The mp3 was so fun to make but the weights were kinda weird and I didn't know how to fix them 🙄 (I did ended up using the earphones for the folasade collection 👌🏽)

Both were supposed to come out in the denim set BUT the more I looked at the pants the less I liked them and the skirt I just felt like it didn't belong with the jeans I did release?? its a cute skirt but I haven't felt like releasing it so 🚶🏽‍♀️🚶🏽‍♀️

I made this back when I wasn't mindful of where tops should stop/where the bottom part starts if u don't want any clipping to happen (looking at the heroine top since it also had the same issue but I realised wayyy too late so couldn't go back and fix it LMAO) still its a cute top and I feel like I could fix it in sculpt mode now??? idk

Very high poly 😭

PINKPANTHERESS MY LOVE ♥♥♥ ( I made this around the time I started the follower set so I just kinda forgot abt it, maybe one day I'll go back n finish it)

I think this was the original idea I had for heroine top? I gave up on it bc I just knew the buttons were gonna morph horribly since they sit right on the chest (also i never realised how similar it was to the tiktok top lol)

Ok after this, all the pics are from stuff that was supposed to be on the follower set but this was the original mesh for the dee top and I had to remake it since I couldn't find tops with sleeves of that size to transfer weights from 😭😪 (if that makes sense)

THIS JUST DID NOT LOOK LIKE THE REF 💀💀💀 plus the 'flower' is soooooo bad 😭 sorry to whoever added this pic to the pinterest board I flopped so hard 😖

I just thought the quality of the textures was poor so I didn't even wanna put it up for download 💔 the jean quality I could definitely do better but the sheep patch/stitch(??idk) I couldn't find a clear high quality pic so yea 😪

i LOVED this one but kept having so many problems with it, first the dress was flying off the sim in cas, fixed that then the weights started acting up it was problem after problem lmao maybe one day ill sit down and take a look at it again

Cute skirt but the transparent/lace part would clip a lot

the pants would clip out of the skirt when sims walked and i was very confused since i obviously deleted parts of the jeans that aren't visible but that didn't work so idk

I also loved this headband but it was kinda hard to find a hair that would fit without clipping, if i ever find one I would definitely put it up for download 👆🏽👆🏽

It looks alright in sims4studio (i guess) but in game the textures were kinda blurry

CUTE but i forgot that buttons on the chest have shitty weights/uv's🤐

Thats all for now, I made so many other things but most of the time I just delete them bc i don't have the ability to make them work in game 😞plus I can't stand having files on my pc that im not using bc otherwise they r just taking up space 🤞🏽

[thegeminisage]

it is time for. NOT a tng update. but a ds9 update!!! wednesday* we watched "emissary" and actually i'm not clear on if we watched both parts or just one since my website is wonky but either way whatever we watched FUCKING RULED. i'm dispensing w the normal bullet points so i can ramble as much as i want

*it was last night actually but it took me all day to type this up so i'm scheduling it to go up later. it got looooong lol

the first most striking thing i noticed about ds9, or at least the first half of what we watched, is that it FEELS like a video game. someone tell me if this is insane. you're playing as sisko. you get flashbacks of his backstory, you get thrown into this starbase that's in shambles and it's Your Job to fix it up. you go around meeting all the secondary characters who will be in charge of this or that gameplay aspect or upgrade system or shop: kira, o'brien, quark, odo, jadzia, julian, etc. the FOLEY in this was insane. all the noise in the back CONSTANTLY suggested a lively and whole universe outside of our direct line of focus - it felt so alive in the way not even the enterprise in tos did. i could picture myself in the opening gameplay/cutscene like slowly walking my character through what will become a hub area that i gradually upgrade over time while kira or o'brien narrates the list of problems. you're starting at the bottom rung and expected to fail, but you can FEEL the potential even in just one brief walk through the promenade. IS THIS INSANE? it feels like an insane thing to say. someone PLEASE write in if you have ever had similar feelings. if they haven't made a ds9 game yet, they should.

i also notice that not only is the quality of the ds9 episodes worse than that of tng and tos - no one has remastered them into 1080p, apparently - but the lighting is very different, as well. it felt WEIRD to see picard and the enterprise D shot this way. but it also lends, perhaps unintentionally, perhaps not, a really gritty atmosphere to what is normally a very clean universe. i guess since we mostly see it from the inside of starships, it would feel like a sterile place to us, but you know how everyone always compliments star wars on how lived-in it feels? the buttons are wearing, sand is stuck in their fancy thingamajigs, etc? this was how ds9 felt to me.

okay. the characters. let's fucking get into it. what's so fun about ds9 in general is that in all other trek shows i have picked out my specialest little guy in 5 seconds flat. tos was spock EASILY. tng i knew it was data before i started. i already know seven's gonna be my favorite voyager character, but i have NO IDEA!!! who my precious little baby in ds9 will be. what a fun surprise for everyone involved. if anybody wants to place bets go ahead.

like, i thought tng had a pretty solid lineup (hence my eternal frustration with its wasted potential) but they're not anywhere as eclectic as ds9's core cast. iirc, sisko and o'brien are the ONLY humans who for once are outnumbered by trek's cool aliens. i'm saving sisko for last because that was the part of ds9 that touched me most profoundly, but for o'brien - it was a little sad to see him leave the enterprise, because picard was right, it WON'T feel the same without him, but i'm really excited to see why everybody says he suffers more than jesus and to find out if the eyepatch is a permanent thing or if it's just mirrorverse fuckery. either way, i win. like, o'brien is cool, and i always miss him when i don't see him in tng, and i'll continue to miss him in tng from here on out, but he could never shine in that show. it's too stiff and too reluctant to put its characters through any real development. it's a shame they can't ALL move to ds9, tbh.

the next person we met was kira, who was WONDERFUL. it took me a minute to warm up to her, not because there was anything wrong with her, but because i figured at first glance she was ds9's version of ro laren, the obligatory bajoran cast member to connect us with the bajoran/cardassian plot - which would of course be good because ro is awesome, but it's not necessarily anything new and i already love ro. BUT I WAS WRONG! kira's personality is very distinct from ro's; really the only thing they have in common is not liking cardassians which lmao Yeah. my favorite thing about kira is that she smiles when she's upset or angry. that's Such an acting choic, to have her grinning at the cardassians when she's almost certain they're about to blow her whole space station to smithereens. all love light and respect to ro laren my beloved, but i think i actually like kira BETTER.

odo: WHAT is that thing he can do oh my god...is this a changeling?? i got that result in a star trek quiz once. i really loved when he snuck aboard the enemy ship posing as a bag to hold gambling winnings. i was like oh they showed us the bag to show us it will get stolen soon BUT NO it was odo!!!!!!! such a fun surprise. the exposition on his backstory was a little slapdash but i enjoyed it all the same, i cannot wait to learn more

i was most nervous to meet quark because i hate hate HATE the ferengi in tng, but he was actually so entertaining! like, you're never gonna be able to entirely remove the antisemetic undertones from the ferengi as a whole, but he was smart, practical, and endearingly longsuffering. i love his wryness and deadpan humor. i have a feeling he is gonna be so much fun to torture lovingly.

meeting julian bashir felt like meeting a famous person. for the longest time all i knew about ds9 was that cardassian guy wanted to FUCK that gay little doctor, so it was a little hilarious that in his first scene he was asking a woman* out on a date. sir do you not know you're gay?? even funnier was the fact that out of everybody in the pilot he had the least lines. we barely know him, but we finally met him. relatedly, i can't to wait to meet more cardassians, especially The cardassian. so far, they're still all gay.

*jadzia!!! gnc/trans queen! the trill stuff is SO interesting and watching that worm slither in and out of people during those flashbacks was so wonderful but also made me wince. i love that she used to be an old man and the jokes about it are actually really funny without feeling transphobic or anything SO FAR. who knows if that changes. i feel like we haven't gotten much yet from her either but i cannot wait.

SISKO. damn. where do i even...first of all, he should be allowed to bite kick kill picard. i say this as someone who experienced a genuine THRILL of pleasure upon seeing picard's borged self again. i loved that whole thing, i'm obsessed with the borg. that it comes back in this small way in ds9, and has such a HUGE impact on the storyline, was so so so fucking good. i always say tng tells and not shows, but even after just knowing sisko for a few moments i felt keenly how much it devastated to find his wife like that and THAT WAS JUST FROM THE FIRST SCENE. and it only gets better! he's a great dad. he's FUNNY. he is not above manual labor. he wants to tear picard limb from limb. and he exists HERE.

the wormhole alien sequence was. so good. it was SO GOOD. explaining linear time to aliens. the aliens using his memories to talk to him. HE EXISTS HERE. back and back and BACK to finding his wife in the rubble because HE EXISTS HERE. he CHOOSES to exist here. he existed there when he applied for a transfer to earth. he existed there when he confronted picard. he never left the ship because HE NEVER LEFT THE SHIP. they dragged him out but they COULDN'T DRAG HIM OUT. he exists here because he won't leave her to exist here alone because damn it we can't just leave her here. that was the most insane series of events i ever watched. like, because at first you DO think it's the aliens taking him back there BUT IT'S HIM. HE IS DOING IT TO HIMSELF. when the penny dropped i got literal chill bumps and when the aliens said "it's not linear" and he, openly weeping, replied "it's NOT linear," i genuinely, truly, shed a tear along with him. TNG COULD NEVER. none of those miserable fucks EVER cry!!! sisko did it in the god damn pilot!!!!!!!

and like, the fact that he can choose to stay at the space station at the end, to shake picard's hand, to exist SOMEWHERE ELSE. AAAAAUGHGHGHG

i really loved the final confrontation, too. kira is so so so so good, again, i LOVE that she smiles when she's angry, when she's sad, and it's not a fake smile, it's genuine and honest emotion, and she's genuinely and honestly going to start eating the cardassians for sport if they don't leave her alone. it was very scrappy, them pretending to be bigger and badder than they actually were because they had no other choice. you get the feeling everybody on the station and indeed the station itself is barely holding together, and what little togetherness is present comes from sheer spite.

anyway, absolutely 10/10. i was so worried ds9 wouldn't be good but it not only met my most furtive hopes it surpassed them with flying colors. it's gonna be REAL hard to go back to tng after this.

[playgrl0]

a/n: i.. have no idea what this is. it isn't a real fic it's just something that i needed to get off my chest... i think? idk man lmao. i wrote it while i was very high nd sad lol. also, i decided to not tag anyone since this isn't really a fic nd it's not about anyone specific. i imagined nanami while writing it tho, (well, the beginning nd the end lol) but u can ofc imagine anyone u want.

wc: 0,582

!! TW! implied suicide. poor mental health. just overall sad nd dark, very depressing i guess... i don't really know. please don't read if u easily get triggered, thank u !!

“Are you okay?” he asks. His voice is soft and careful. His hand resting atop your shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze, his eyes showing a sign of worry while waiting for your answer.

-

“Yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes”

But am i really?

No. I'm not okay at all. But if I give you that answer, then what? What are you going to do? What can you do?

Absolutely nothing.

I'm in way too much pain. Too much has happened. Too many things have fucked up my brain. There's nothing you could ever do or say to take that trauma and pain away from me. So “yes”, is the best answer i can give you.

You can't do anything about the raging storm that is happening inside of my head. No one can. It's loud. It's so loud there. Loud thunder. The rain,

So loud, so loud, so fucking loud.

And my head feels heavy. Really fucking heavy. It's like I can barely hold it up and I always have to lay down to make sure my body doesn't give out under the heavy pressure of carrying my head around.

And when the thoughts in my brain keep piling on top of each other, so much, and so high that I barely can fit inside anymore, that's when the thoughts get really dark and heavy.

That's where I know that not a single soul can help me.

That I'm lost.

That's when I want to hurt myself.

When I want everything to stop.

The thoughts. The pain. The numbness. The heaviness. The struggle. The tears. The voices.

When i want

To

Stop

Existing.

That's the deepest part of the hole you can fall into. The moment where you're only a second, only a millimetre away from hitting the bottom.

That's the moment you get rid of your existence and hit the bottom of the hole.

It's what I've been longing for for the longest time. I don't remember what it's like not to want it.

The best part about it is that you won't feel the impact. You won't feel the pain, the shame, the guilt, the heaviness of the world anymore because it's quiet.

It'll be so quiet and peaceful.

No voices. No storm. No pain. No thoughts. No tears. No harm. No danger.

Just

Peace.

That's the only thing that can fix me. That can heal me, make me be okay.

But until then, I'm not okay. I won't be. There's nothing, besides that, that can fix me.

But I can't tell him, or anyone else, any of that.

So i'll just continue to nod my head, give a assuring smile and say yes.

“Yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes”

-

I wrap my arms around his torso, my head buried in his chest. “Yes.” I answer him. “Just tired, that's all.” I smile at him.

He smiles back, kissing my forehead gently. He doesn't believe me, I know that. But he doesn't want to pressure me. “You can talk to me. Always and about anything. You know that, right?” he reminds me, his soft lips moving against my forehead.

“I know.” I kiss him on the lips, he smiles against mine. “Let's go lay down and take a nap together, yeah? You need rest.”

love,

<3 @ playgrl0

[chronocrump]

Hello Chronocrump, I recently stumbled upon your art the other day, and I couldn't stop staring at your gallery.. It makes me realize there is so much thats lacking from my art that I really want to improve on. I felt desperate to contact you, but wasn't sure if it would be rude. I wanted to try to ask you, how do you approach drawing? Do you structure it first, or start with a gesture drawing? Focus on the form or perspective first? Etc My other question might seem strange, but I wanted to ask how do you hold your pencil? Ive learned that different pencil grips can drastically change the quality of someone's art. Thank you for your time. I'm sorry if my message is to long, or you don't want to respond back. I wanted to atleast try, but also let you know that your work has been very inspiring for me to keep trying.

I'm glad to answer your questions, it's seriously no problem. I wanna start by telling you how amazed I was when I checked your profile to see your work. I know you have a huge lack of confidence in it, but your art is genuinely beautiful, and frankly, looking at it, I found it hard to believe that you would be asking me for advice...from my perspective, you're way ahead of me. You're certainly better with color; you might notice I really only post sketches lol. I really don't want to dismiss or downplay your feelings about it, but I have to let you know how I felt looking at it. To me it seems like your brain is telling you your art isn't good enough when it very, very much is.

Anyway, enough gushing from me lol. On to your questions.

Usually when starting a drawing, I very loosely and lightly sketch the overall form of the pose I wanna do. Very rough basic shapes/forms to get everything in its right place before I start really drawing it with confident lines. Even then, all the lines are subject to change; nothing is sacred. To be honest tho, I usually mess up the proportions and have to fix them a bit lol. I try to sketch cleanly and concisely, meaning I try not to draw a lot of lines in a spot that could really be done with just one or two. I'm not super strict on that tho, at the end of the day while I try to draw efficiently, I also want to draw comfortably. So with something like a big circle for example, I'll draw that pretty sketchy. In terms of perspective, I'm trying to get better at it, but when considering how I want to use it in a drawing, it's part of the initial image or idea I have in my head, so I lay it out from the beginning. I do also draw structure lines on the face, just a simple cross to plan where the center of the face will be. Lately I've also tried taking more pictures of myself for pose reference and it works well.

Most of my practice comes from studying my favorite artists and trying to emulate the specific ways they structure their drawings. I should actually be doing dedicated practice sessions with that, but I digress. Recently I've been trying to practice from photos first thing in the morning, tho I'm finding it hard to commit to doing it daily. I just go on pinterest and find cool poses, then draw them, trying to get down the basic shapes and prominent features more than focusing on minute details. I've posted some of these practice sketches on here but there's a few more on my twitter if you wanna see what I'm talking about.

In terms of my pencil grip, I'm not sure...since I was little, I've always had an unusual grip. Looking it up, I guess it's like the "dynamic quadrupod" grip, but with my forefinger farther back. Really the most I try to do is draw less with my wrist and more with my forearm. Some say you should "draw from the shoulder", and that sounds right...I guess it's all about avoiding straining your wrist and getting carpal tunnel lol.

Anyway, I'm flattered that you would ask me for advice. To be honest, it makes me feel like I should have more confidence in my own art. And you should too! I can say that, objectively, your art is very good. I hope my advice was actually helpful and not generic stuff you've heard before lol. Good luck in your art journey.

[jfkonfucius]

GIVE ALL YOUR THOUGHTS ON SEASON 3 HAND EM OVER

THIS IS NOT ALL MY THOUGHTS CUZ ALL MY THOUGHTS ARE HOURS WORTH OF THOUGHTS. PROBABLY. here's some scattered initial thoughts . out of order

- vlad vlad vlad i adore vlad i wish he talked more. he doesn't even name drop the first time we meet the bleacher creatures! I think. I don't even remember when he name drops

- I don't think I'm overestimating it when I say I am the confucius guy. and the confucius guy has been fed very well this season. im SO grateful. I'm obsessed with him. He's cute. He's sometimes a little unexpected. He has about 5/6 minutes worth of angst. He's relatable. He is everything to me

- The Mary twist was hilarious, at first I had mixed feelings about the character being shoved in, but it built up to awesomeness

- It's been rough for Harriet... It's been real rough for her character. Which SUCKS cuz I wanna like her! I don't dislike her but Girl Why

- The writing has def improved since the last season! Hooray! Gives me 1% hope

- The JFK&Abe&Confucius trio is adorable and one of my fav things about this season. "We tried! Yeah yeah We tried!" "C'mon... C'mon...? C'mon... C'mon!"

- Joanfucius cute !! 7.5/10. Better than their s2 relationships (Joanfk/tubfucius)

- Jfabers are winning. And losing also

- Shower scene didn't happen

- I loved JFK's personality arc, his devils & angels, and him being more bisexual than ever. The explanation for the writers to "fix his personality" was genius

- I felt the increased amount of swearing made it so jokes or emotional moments involving swearing didn't hit as hard as they could have. And some sex scenes were dragged on for too long which wasn't useful narrative/comedy wise .. just uncomfortable

- I accept buff confucius into my life

- The new characters from ep 9... erm. I didn't like them much. I don't like the "here's character's love interest that is basically this character but opposite gender!" trope. The part with Mrs. C's cockney accent made me like her more though

- JFK'S DAD CAMEO !! HOORAY !! i wonder where the other dad is though ...

- I appreciated the references to previous seasons !!

- The ending left me in shambles & some actual grief. I loved the last episode, the way it parallels the first season finale, and the emotional drama, but I feel like they can't afford a cliffhanger. I would have liked some closure, as I have barely any faith in the animation+streaming industry and am 99% sure we're heading for cancellation. Boo-womp

- On the topic of ending, I headcanon that if the series does get cancelled, the clones actually get hit by the missile and DIE. I AM MAKING IT WORSE FOR MYSELF

- I LOVE EATING MAGNETS

- I really liked the Christian rock song and the inclusion of Unrehearsed by Abandoned Pools! I wish there were more new songs X( but it ok

- Scud and Mr. B were awesome as usual

- Abe cute

- I'm glad we got more Kahlopatra (Or... "cleda" as the show calls it. I GUESS. I GUESS)

- Frida's dad... emm.. ermm.. ermmm.. 😳😳😳 he so

- The professor from Ep 1 is freaking awesome & has the same voice as mr. peanut butter i think which makes him awesomer

- Hmmm... Magnets

- I was very pleased to see more Front facing scared confucius

- I was also pleased to see him about to jump off a building. you know how it is with the fav characters ^_^

- Not a whole lot of JFKonfucius moments but some screenshot worthy stuff . I went insane when JFK grabbed Confucius by the collar though 😭 why does he do that. why are they like that. i love my boys

- the last shot grabs my heart with a fist and squeezes it It hurts It Hurts it Hurts

ok well if i keep on listing stuff i'll just be talking about everything confucius did so thats enough for now LOL !!! THANKS FOR ASKING . HEART 💚🧬

[wingedqueenlynx]

Rewriting and tidying up my story drafts is always interesting thing for me to do. Like- due to my dyslexia and my less than subpar grammar skills, I'm always reading either a sad sentence that doesn't make a lick of sense or a sentence with the same fucking words being reused lol

Then there's characters' characterisation when I'm writing- my lord XD

I'm in a constant state of self-doubt and second-guessing myself when writing characters, especially canon characters too. One moment I'll be like- "Am I even writing these characters right???" Then the other moment, I'll contradict myself by also saying- "Holy shit- I fucking love the way I've written them interacting with each other. This feels right. :D"

Writing Characters interacting and developing dynamics is always my favourite part of the process fr.

Like I know, I'm not as gifted with writing as I am with drawing, but i think that's all down to practice. I fucking hated writing in school and only starting writing my stories out a few years ago during lockdown. And I do believe I improved? I think? Idk, I'm just some lil weirdo rambling rn. Maybe it's because I had to fix and reword so many of my chapters 😅

So yea- Writing is always interesting for me to do and having to reread my gibberish every time lol :,D

[aerospectrum]

hey I LOVE your writing! Have you thought about writing more about Kayce and Jamie? I feel like they have such an unexplored dinamic on the show. Of all the family relationships theirs is the one with most love and understanding even though they are kinda distant. I also think about how close Jamei and Lee must have been, because they were the ones that really stayed at the ranch (well, Jamie left for college but came back). I have this headcanon that Lee was probably gay and that’s why he never got married. I imagine that he and Jamie would be kinda of confidents, you know?

AHHH that is so kind to say and means so much, thank you so much I am so happy you enjoy my writing I get so anxious somedays, thank you my dude! I know I'm gonna ramble so I'm going to save dash sanity and bring in the readmore!

I would love the opportunity to write more about Kayce and Jamie, I do write them on a few ao3 stories and I love getting to explore their relationship through those stories! I recently got the opportunity to start writing with a multi who writes Kayce and it has been so fun and so great! I love their interpretation and embodiment of him it feels so real and just good man, I have been itching to write with a Kayce for so long so it feels so satisfying and makes me happy. He just has such a cool dynamic for a character, I love it.

I think Jamie and Kayce have a unique bond where Kayce just doesn't give a fuck what the rest of the Dutton family thinks, to him, Jamie is family whether there's shared blood or not. There's that brotherly loyalty and there's this scene where Jamie breaks the glass in the kitchen and starts to scream that he hates John and Kayce catches him in this hug and just like wraps him up and cradles his head and I'm always so caught off-guard by how loving that gesture is. To see your older brother be so discarded and manipulated by the rest of the family for his whole life and then to catch him when he does break, it's so intimately heart-shattering!

The one thing I'd love to change about their relationship aside from the unexplored and unfair distance is this; I think when Jamie finds out it's Garrett behind everything that happens to the ranch and his family I feel like out of all of them he would've told Kayce and I know trauma fucks us all differently, but I think he would've broken down and been like "this was my fault kayce... my father did this to you- he tried to kill your wife and son and it's my fault and I don't know what that makes us... you and me, I don't know if that makes you want to kill me because-- I'm part him and always will be...i'm... i love you, but im sorry, I'm sorry I caused this." because I think if anything kayce would've reassured Jamie "No, you're not any of him at all you didn't cause this, you're my brother and I love you and I'll fix this for you." I hated that Jamie didn't tell Kayce what happened when he found out Garrett had orchestrated the attacks. because Kayce would've understood and he would've given Jamie the clarity and assurance that he wouldn't let John and Beth blame him for it. he would've fought to defend Jamie against them both.

i think I hate Taylor Sheridans force narrative that only blood makes someone family and that jamie being adopted makes him this automatic villain to the family who's innately evil just cuz of who his birth parent was. it's just shitty and spiteful writing imo, but also because personally i'm adopted and my birth dad ain't shit.. but i'm making something of myself even if my adoptive dad doesn't always see me how i wanna be seen as the middle son. I guess I've got some personal trauma of my own tied to these characters lol.

I love that interpretation you have of Lee and Jamie being closest since they both came back or stayed at the ranch, also I am fully here for that headcanon!! I love Lee so much and I'm angry with how they forgot about him after his death. I wanted so much more of him in the show he brought a clarity to the entire family and I miss him aaaahhh justice for the dutton siblings! But I agree I think him and Jamie would've been confidants in that. I love the scenes they had with the guys at the river and the bond they all shared. I loved that Jamie was just so excited to hang out with his brothers again and even him listening to Kayce and Lee argue he was just so happy to be there with them and we all deserved more of that lol.

I think Jamie and Lee shared a bond unlike the rest especially since Lee would've been old enough to know his mother wasn't pregnant and that they brought Jamie home to meet him... I think he would've been a big defender of Jamie growing up and made sure he had a voice in the world for sure. And Jamie knowing Lee was gay and that's why he hadn't married makes so much sense. Just the weight that comes from that in the way they all were raised and the mindsets that they grew up around just makes so much sense- I feel like it's the same for Jamie but beth makes so many harsh remarks about Jamie's sexuality all the time that I don't know if Jamie would've shared the full depth of himself with Lee just out of fear that Beth would overhear and use it against him. So I think he lives with that regret a bit after Lee's death as well. AAAAHHHH I want to write with a Lee so badly I neeeeed to. The dutton siblings have all intrinsically rewired my brain and mutated my dna, i fear there is no recovery lol.

Sorry this go super long and had no end in sight, but I love these kinds of questions and ideas and back and forth headcanon talks, it's my favorite thing thank you so much for sending this in and sharing your thoughts on the guys too, this was so awesome! thank you!

[burntblueberrywaffles]

Fic tag game

got tagged by @fangeek-girl ❤️❤️

How many works do you have on Ao3?

I have 7 works but 3 of them are fanfic lol

2. What's your Ao3 word count?

1896 words total. Your girl is definitely one for brevity LOL

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Wednesday, that one drabble I made for The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, and I've been writing for Star Wars (though I haven't posted anything yet) and Mrs maisel (i wrote a whole short fic for that almost a year ago but I forgot about it completely until I found it in my notes apps, I should get around to posting it)  

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I don't have 5 fics total but here's my current count in order:

1-Lies

2-The world's a little blurry

3-Pretend

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes always! the fact that people are READING my stuff and taking time to comment has me 🥺🥺🥺

My writing ao3 isnt linked to my main email adress though so sometimes it takes me a while to respond because I wont see it until I periodically check my fic stats

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

.....Probably The world's a little blurry let's be real (I'm going to fix it it in the next one in the series, I promise!!!)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

akdadhjgsjgd hard to say all my shit is angsty, I guess Pretend?? kind of, it's less of a downer than the other ones. The final part of Come a little closer will have a happy ending though I promise! (already finished writing the end, I just need to write the beginning lol)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No ❤️ I don't think any of my stuff has gotten enough attention for that lol

9. Do you write smut? What kind?

NO my ace ass has no experience with that so I wouldn't know how 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️(I might need to in some future project, fortunately a lot of my friends are perverts (affectionate) so I could probably ask for some guidance if it comes to that LOL)

10. Do you write cross-overs?

No, I'm not a big fans of crossovers in general so certainly have never felt compelled to write one.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No

12. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No

13. What WIP you would like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

So many ugh I cant even choose, it's more rare for me to actually finish something than the opposite, that's why I'll never post anything unless the whole thing is finished (only exception is my current series, but that's because I felt like each fic making up the series were self-contained enough that they didn't need to follow up immediatly to work? if that makes sense - plus the first one was a one shot and only thought of how to follow it up after posting it)

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

ANIDALA MY BELOVED

15. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm really good at imagery and emotion (being a poetry writer goes brrrrr)

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

DESCRIPTIONS oh god I'm so bad at it. My fic are vibes only lmao, what are they wearing? where are they? what movements are they doing? NOT IMPORTANT how about I offer you 12 metaphors on how this character is feeling instead. (though I'm forcing myself to work on it haha)

I also struggle with any longer story arc... there's a reason all my stuff is so short lol

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

If it's in french it would be pretty fun since it's my ✨first language✨ hehe. For other languages I'd see if one of my friends speak it but otherwise idk if I'd include it bc I don't want to butcher another language, I've seen too many english authors put french through the ringer it's painful 😭

18. First fandom you wrote for?

I guess Julie and the Phantoms? I never posted it but I had a pretty advanced fic for that. unless you count the 13 reasons why fic I posted on wattpas when i was early teen but we dont talk about that

19. Favourite fic you've ever written?

right now it has to be The world's a little blurry, I just love how it came out hehe

20. What fic would you want to rewrite one day?

none right now.

Anyway tagging @nonamemanga @beri-allen @unlifeira @realmermaid333 @suchaladyy @witchysith @king-crimson-works @theycallme-thejackal and anyone else who might want to do it!

[heinzpilsner]

Tadadada! Here's the epilogue to my 'Overanalyzing beach Maiko' series.

Firstly, let's list some main conclusion theses:

1) Mai became interested in Zuko's problems after he directly mentioned his scar and his relationship with Ozai for the first time, so her final change of attitude does make some sense.

2) The basis for Zuko's irrational jealousy was Mai's annoyed facial expression after he criticized Ruon-Jian.

3) The context of Zuko's jealousy rampage actually leaves a loophole for not-possessive interpretation (yay).

4) Despite how badly Zuko screwed up, Mai somehow managed to screw up even more (yep, still sounds contr-intuitive).

5) Mai actually expresses herself all the time and her "childhood trauma" is a big bullshit.

6) Apart from his inner crisis, Zuko has to fix many problematic attitudes and personality settings before he'll become a decent romantic partner for anyone.

7) So does Mai.

Something like this.

And now, a bit of old good boring and inaccurate psychology lecture mistake correction.

I think that I misinterpreted Zuko's side of "bring me food" scene, actually. You see, I saw it as conscious submission in order to avoid conflict with Mai, but...

It actually looks more like Zuko genuinely didn't realize that Mai's demand was not okay. He wasn't exactly eager to please her*, but he also didn't see her attitude towards him as problematic.

(*Not catching Mai's "I'm hungry" initial hint is kind of an indicator of Zuko's cool-off towards her. I mean, acts of service is his typical way of showing affection, which makes his sudden cluelesness pretty notable.)

Basically, Mai and Zuko in this scene demonstrate opposite facets of locus of control problem. Simply put, they both believe that Zuko is responsible for something he really isn't - in this case, satisfying Mai's hunger.

Later, though, it's Zuko who believes Mai owes him something - namely, to give him affection and meet his emotional needs. In his head, he gives responsibility for his emotional well-being to Mai and scolds her when she "ignores her duty" by not being "passionate" enough.

(But while Mai doesn't owe Zuko anything formally, she made a mistake of severely underestimating Zuko's contribution into relationship and his real value for her. This resulted in her coldness and lack of gratitude in response to his affection, which is quite a big relationship screw-up.)

Okaaay, and with that part out of the way, it's time for my final personal reflections.

In general, I have no doubts I made lots of other mistakes during my analysis. I tried my best, but to dissect relationship conflicts correctly, you need to have good feeling of personal boundaries and empathy of your own. And... Well. It's not exactly my forte.

I compensate for some things with theoretical knowledge, but my mind is a mess, so... Yep.

I feel like I have to go and read more psychological theory after this.

Also, I kinda tried to do an entertainment out of this, and roasting format doesn't exactly mix good with being objective. So, yep. It seems I got some kind of useless Frankenstein monster in the end, lol.

And finally... Perhaps I had to make it clear much earlier, but...

I have nothing against Maiko shippers or Mai fans. Ta-da!

I'm sure they have a lot against me now though, pffft.

I realize what I wasn't exactly restrained in my roasting, so it's natural for you to dislike me. But my goal wasn't to tell you what your preferences are inadequate or something. I mean, I myself ship much more toxic problematic shit (and have a weak spot for all sorts of flawed characters). It isn't supposed to be about being rational. You like it, I don't, it's ok.

Dunno, maybe someone needed to hear this.

That's all, I guess. If you were reading this series - thanks for your attention. Despite everything, it was a rather interesting experience for me, and I hope you found something useful for yourself too.

I wonder what I should analyse next >:D

I ignore all notifications, but maybe I'll make an exception soon. Ta-da! What a cliffhanger.

[douwatahima]

i've seen a lot of people posting here and on twitter about what this show has done for them, and while i don't know that i'll ever be ready to make a post like that, can i share something a little silly that this fandom has done for me?

so, like a lot of people i think, there are parts of my body that i'm insecure about; the biggest one being my tummy. i've been chubby since i was a kid and i was chastised for it (by both other kids and adults) to the point that i internalized a lot of negative feelings about that part of my body. i wear a lot of longer tops because the idea of my shirt riding up and exposing even a little bit of my tummy was something that made me embarrassed and ashamed for a long time.

then, i got into this fandom. that is absolutely thirsty as fucking hell for that little sliver of ed's tummy that we see from time to time. and after months of seeing posts like that i guess i started to internalize them a little because one day i was wearing a shirt that was a little more form fitting and it started to ride up and instead of immediately pulling it down and feeling bad about myself i walked myself over to a mirror. and i saw myself with that little sliver of tummy showing. and for the first time ever instead of thinking i looked gross i thought "huh, this look is kind of hot, actually".

and, like, having that moment obviously didn't fix everything, but it did make me a little less self conscious overall. so i guess what i'm trying to say is thank you ofmd fandom for being soooo thirsty for that old man that it helped me feel better about myself lol.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Hi Bpp! I love everything about how you are! I read the way you asked to do quick asks and it immediately brought a smile to my face. Your brand of sass is my favorite.

Honest question for you: How do you deal with the reality that the fandom hates Jimin and treats him differently?

***

Lol you just slathered it on, didn't you?

Honest answer: are you in the fandom? If the answer is no, would it be right to ask how then you're participating in fandom discussions? If the answer is yes, would it be right to say your inclusion in the fandom negates your theory that "the fandom hates Jimin" is reality? After all, you're part of the fandom too and you love him. If no you feel your inclusion in the fandom doesn't negate the reality that the fandom hates Jimin, would it be because you think you're in the minority, and so overall, the fandom still hates Jimin? If yes, that's your reason, would it fair to question how a majority hating Jimin could rally to offer a decisive defense in November 2018, a period that to date is the most extremely targeted Jimin has ever been (with a close second being the rampage of insanity JJKs had on Jimin just before his military service started). For starters.

I mean, for example, PJM2 is going to chart in the top 5 of the BB Hot100 when it drops and in a post-D2C sales world, anybody who thinks that reality is possible without the majority of the fandom showing up for Jimin, that person's high off their own supply and that shit is laced. In my opinion.

Anyway, I went on a tangent. The fact is even if the majority of the fandom loves Jimin, the minority who hate his guts are verifiably awful people and capable of doing real damage possibly. That's a real problem and one the fandom has no real will of ever fixing. Taekookers are ARMYs' original sin, as I keep saying, and we have no one but ourselves to blame for creating the environment we now have. But also, this isn't unique to Jimin. They are all hated and subtly shaded in the fandom by a significant minority of people. Every single member. Many of the people decrying the hate on Jimin are themselves making derisive comments about other members overtly and not. It's delusional to think the member you happen to like most should somehow be the exception to a system you help sustain. Silly, you know.

The fandom does treat Jimin differently. Everyone who comes across him treats him differently. How can they not? He is something else. He provokes. A serpent in a dove.

Sigh I'm rambling during quick asks.

I guess my real answer is that, I accept it. Hate is unpleasant but beyond that, it's something that has little meaning to me. You're in fandom. 90% of what most k-pop fans do here, is hate. I'm not sure if it's clear by now, but I have a low opinion of k-pop fans (and I'm including myself so it's not a contradiction of the above argument). Speaking for myself, the last person's opinion I'll take seriously is a k-pop stan's. The reputation this industry and the fans have is well earned, even with the bad stereotyping. Nobody wants to see hate on someone they love, but for me with BTS, I expect it. And most times (excluding the really abusive ones), I'm bored by it. My unsolicited advice: if seeing the hate really affects you, please consider cutting back and taking more breaks away, and better curating your timeline. I channel my time towards appreciating Jimin, Namjoon, BTS. I prefer focusing on what I love about k-pop. I see the shit y'all pull daily and it's unfortunate but at the same time, the guys are fine and they're the reason I'm here so I'll focus on celebrating them.

[galaxietm]

popping on to give some updates!

- updated blog icon to match @peachiiihearts (ily dew) - updated pinned list for june bdays (with the exception of my own, but there's several muses whose bdays i'm excited for, so hopefully i can hop on to do stuff for them) - considering updating blog header?? not sure - trimming down muse list in the background, will probably post what muses i'm dropping soon(ish??) - working on getting muse pages finished so i can share carr.d link, may just share carr.d link without the pages being done. - a few more oc pages are done, others have been started

other general updates below the cut, somewhat unrelated to rp stuff but adjacently related to blog status i guess? feel free to keep scrolling if you'd like! no pressure ♡♡

tl;dr / me attempting to condense it all here. i haven't been around as much due to mental health (probably the second biggest reason) as well as stressing about money-related things; i don't want to bring that energy and such onto here so i've been avoiding it, more or less. i've been working a lot the last two weeks, in part so i can catch up with rent and try to get ahead of that and bills, and i think i'll start to have free time in about a week / week and a half (as my birthday this month comes up, funny enough lol) since i've been all over the place due to work, that's why some of my activity is all over the place. my shifts at work vary from overnights (think 10pm to 6am) to early mornings (around 2am - 7am, 4am - 9am, etc) and sometimes somewhat close to each other- so i really mostly have time to come home, eat, wind down and relax. so if i hop online, it's moments like now (where it's like, 2:30am-ish) for a little bit before one of my early shifts.

have also been dealing with random aches, pains and headaches as well (woke up with a really bad migraine a week ago when i was gonna try to be online / try to write, so that didn't happen) so i've been attempting to self-care while i can, and i'm trying to get up the courage to reach out to a few therapists for consultations so i can finally like. i dunno- try to get that part taken care of since my last therapist didn't work out and it's been a while. i'm also trying to fit in getting new glasses, since i've had my current pair for, uh- way longer than i should have.

but anyway. aside from the stress and still slow recovering from the legal stuff with evicting ex-roomies early this year (as well as avoiding the attempts of updates people have tried to give me about them, because there's people who have been attempting to tell me about them lol) i've been slowly doing better. trying to do what i can to fix up my place and trying to get things in shape on my end. i've been far happier without them here, i can actually relax and like. start to get to know myself and be myself again. it's been?? a little bit bittersweet, honestly. complicated feelings for different reasons, i guess. i had to hide parts of myself because of the first set of roomies, and i didn't get to bring those parts back for a while.

i've been finally watching through some anime on my backlog and i've been resisting the urge to joke about possibly writing dungeon meshi characters or others- but there's a few characters i've picked up (one i'm finally indulging myself on trying to write lol) and a few that that i'm waiting until i finish trimming the muse list until i decide to pick them up- for my own sanity, really. i'm trying to be less attached to them and more 'do i get to write for you aside from saying i'd like to? then bye' about some of them.

but anyway. i hope all of you have been doing well. think of this as a bit of a vent post? i haven't done one of those in a while, haha. it's been an interesting year, but hopefully soon i'll get to be active here again- i really miss writing, so hopefully soon i'll be able to get back on here and just. write and interact with some of ya'll again.

if you'd like to try to keep in touch better, i've got a disc.ord i can exchange with mutuals.