#''i hear a lot from el but i dont think she ever talks about you. howre you doing? hows cali?''

[pandabyler]

LONG POST AHEAD

hey pooks! this is a continuation of my post about byler songs, and someone asked me to explain these so here u go!

enchanted (taylor swift)

i put this one because it reminds me a lot about the shed scene. "it was the best thing I've ever done" vs "I was enchanted to meet you"

it reminds me of them as a whole, especially the line "please don't be in love with someone else, please don't have somebody waiting on you" and "I've spent forever wondering if you knew" which both talk about their feelings for each other, and will wondering if mike knows how he feels. beautiful song 10/10

2. you belong with me

this one is self-explanatory but its probably the most byler song ever. everything is just so them. will comparing himself to el and feeling like a mistake, and being the one to truly understand mike and his interests. mike wants and needs a lot of things that el cant provide, but will can. "cant you see that I'm the one who understands you? been here all along so why cant you see?" "I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're bout to cry" and we've seen will hear up mike when he's sad countless times. 10000/10

3. deja vu

this one reminds me a lot of the byler and mileven parallels. will and mike used to be so close, but now he's spending all of his time with el. "she thinks its special, but its all reused" 9.5/10

4. so american

this one is 10000% in wills pov. to me its about his love for mike. "I'm not gonna...fall in love" -will szn 3 and then season 4 will was just "think I'm in looooooooooooOOOOOOOOVE" (sry this song is just too good) 9.8/10

5. good 4 u

this one is more bitter. it reminds me more of season 3 byler, and how will felt abt mileven. will felt left behind and discarded, and to him, it seemed mike wasn't even fazed (he was) "good 4 u, ur doing great out there without me, baby, GOD I wish that I could do that" 100% in wills pov. 10/10

7. iris (goo goo dolls)

"i just want you to know who I am" will wanting to tell mike how he feels, and that he's gay. this song to me is about their longing for each other, and that they both have secrets they need to be open about. 9/10

8. hear my heart (midnight mantics)

this song is SO SO SO underrated likeee.... but this song is basically about miscommunication, which byler has when it comes to their arguments, and in the end they always sort it out. "my big mistake, was letting you leave when we weren't finished, talking it through" mike to will in s3 and will to mike in s4 9.9/10

9. heather

UGHHH THIS SONG!!! "shes got you mesmerized, while I die" s4 mileven at rink o mania leaving will behind, and all of s3 lollll this song is just so byler 11/10

10. traitor (olivia rodrigo)

def in wills pov, portraying that mike has completely left him once a girl came along. mike making him feel special in the shed, but then showing nothing towards him in season 3 to make him feel special again. not sure if that makes sense but 8/10

honorable mentions

right now (one direction)

"lights go, down and" (the ud being dark) "I hear you calling to me yeah" (will calling for mike in the ud) and "lets go crazy together" vs "crazy together right?" LIKE YOU CANNOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP 10/10

2. strong (one direction)

mike giving will the courage to fight on just for being himself. wills love for mike makes him strong. "so many words we're not saying" (feelings for each other) "but there's nothing I'm running from" (will coming to terms with himself and his feelings for mike" "you make me strong" also also will saying he's felt so lost without mike, and the song goes "but when I'm not with you I'm weaker" 100/10

3. lets hurt tonight (one republic)

"dont walk away, dont roll your eyes" and "you were rolling your eyes, you were moping" which basically is about their communication and needing to talk things out when they argue. "they say love is pain, well darling lets hurt tonight" painful because mileven is together, yes, but also because its going to be so hard for byler to be a couple in the 80s, and they may not be able to do all of the things they wish they could

4. moment like you (liamariejohnson)

ANOTHER UNDERRATED BANGER but to me this is about will not wanting to be replaced for left behind by mike, and coming to terms with his feelings. "please don't leave me here tonight, lonely on the dance floor. cause I've been waiting my whole life, for a moment like you" which could also be seen as the literal intimate moments between byler in s4, and will treasures those heart to hearts and is so glad to finally be close to mike again.

well thats a wrap so lmk what yall think!! dt @skyewaytohell

sry if theres typos guys its 2am and I'm sitting hunchback at my computer

BYLER ENDGAME

[wibble-wobbegong]

thesis— if it’s something mike thinks will hurt el, he would never do it.

“she didn’t look fine.”

that was when he felt lost, powerless, frustrated, and resentful about his relationship, and caught up in those emotions. all things he could very well be when kissing will in a heat of a moment, especially if he’d just found out his real feelings are requited.

okay so this is actually a very interesting point to make because rink-o-mania is pretty much our only example of el trying to start conflict with el (other than the body scene in s1 but that wasnt really about el so i dont count it)

rink-o-mania’s events are very interesting because, in terms of mike, i think two major things are going down in his head regarding el:

1. one thing mike holds to himself is that violence should only be used in defense of others.

we never see him use it for himself, and the only time he ever instigates violence is in the gym with troy after watching will get made fun of (which is a great example of how his will isn’t absolute and it has bent for will in the past, so i won’t deny that the cheating scenario is possible because of stuff like this). later on, what we see from mike is that he recognizes el’s situation in rink-o-mania, and in general, as something he understands and has experiences but he never went so far as to hurt someone

here’s the thing though: mike didn’t hear angela’s comment about hopper. with fighting for will, we see that there’s some leniency to this internal rule he has and he’d probably be a lot more understanding of what happened if he knew that what caused her to snap wasn’t the being pushed down and teased but rather having her dead father made fun of. i’ve talked about it before, but mike’s route to understanding others is through connecting their experiences to his own. mike saw himself in el at rink-o-mania but he doesn’t understand how she’d resort to violence, but if he knew about what they’d said afterwards he’d be able to recognize much more clearly why she snapped the way she did

2. el had broken this preconceived image mike has of her.

a lot of mike’s admiration and dedication to el comes from the way she was able to protect him and his friends in s1 and that her sense of justice seemed to match up with his own but she was a superhero who could do the things he found himself unable to. in doing everything i just said above, she broke that image of herself in mike’s mind because mike doesn’t really know her. he’s living in an image of her, which may have some truth to it, but he also internally holds her to very high standards as a result.

when he goes to make amends with her (before it turns into a fight) he’s not really asking about rink-o-mania. it sorta seems like he’s brushing that part of the day under the rug, but he does ask why she felt like she had to hide her genuine situation from him. i think he tries to move past it because he eventually gets over his own initial reaction

what all that means is that a certain part of mike’s morality took the forefront when he saw what el did because she also broke his internal concept of who she is and why she does things the way she does. the extremes she went to with angela were not even things he would go to with troy, but in el’s world the scale of violence looks so incredibly different that their interpretations of such a thing aren’t even comparable.

because all of this lines up for mike to be willing to be bitchy with el, i don’t really see a situation like you described where cheating would work. a different type of morality took the forefront at rink-o-mania alongside his image of el being cracked, but that wouldn’t be the case in a situation with will

i did say earlier, however, that we have seen mike break his own code over his love for will. that, imo, is a better example of him falling into the hands of emotion. so it’s definitely possible, but we have seen mike choose el’s happiness over a potential relationship with will before at the end of s3. he’s had chances to be with will before when he thought his feelings were requited but when el kissed him that possibility flew out of the window (and i know this doesn’t make sense if you don’t follow my posts but it’s an entirely separate analysis that i’ll gladly make if you’d like). i just don’t think we’ve been built in the direction of canon cheating and i think mike’s internal pressure to make el happy has been around so intensely and constantly for so long it would be sort of strange for it to just break because of his own desires when we know that isn’t something that motivates his actions

BUT again i could see it as a possibility if the writers did things a little differently

[demadogs]

heyy what are your thoughts on Mike's monologue? Do you think he was being honest or it was a half truth or something? I'm really curious abt what you think bc honestly I'm not sure myself

this might be long i havent dove into this scene in a while.

the short answer is i think it was a mix of some sad truths disguised as romance, things he believes she wants to hear (but is completely wrong), and just straight up lies. but the biggest thing is that what he thought she wanted to hear was what will told him in the van, unaware that those were wills feelings not els.

but before i even talk about it lets just LOOK at the scene. this is what every other romantic scene in the show has looked like:

and this was allegedly mike and el’s “most romantic scene”.

they are not happy here. this was right before mike said he loves her and right after. one of the biggest differences in this scene compared to the other ships is the fact that both of them we’re forced into this conversation. mike was NOT going to say any of this. will had to push him to continue. meanwhile el is physically restrained from responding to him. she was forced to listen to him and mike felt like he was forced to say it.

anyways now im gonna analyze the actual content of the monologue:

sad truths disguised as romance:

“i dont know how to live without you”

i think this is true and it could be a romantic line but it could also be really sad. it reminds me of when finn (or millie i dont remember) said that they were like a married couple with no option of divorce. i think what mike really meant by this is that hes scared to confront who he really is without el. he actually already did confront this version of himself after she and will moved. i think when he was without either of them he realized his true feelings and hated it and he just wants to go back to who he was before he figured it out.

“i feel like my life started that day i found you in the woods”

im not as confident in this one but it could honestly be extremely sad when looked at from a different lens. it was the first night after will went missing. it was the first time things in his life got weird and unexplainable. losing will and finding el is what led to all the supernatural trauma theyve been through. i dont think mike associates el with trauma but that night in the woods did change all of their lives forever and nothing has been normal since that night. when mike told will asking him to be his friend was the best thing hes ever done, thats said in a way that could not be interpreted any other way, especially not in any negative way. this can. (that being said im not negating how much mike genuinely does care about her and im not saying he wishes he never found her or anything like that).

then it gets so complicated because the only way mike knew how to reach her was through everything will said to him in the van, not knowing that everything will said was referring to HIS feelings, not els.

what mike thinks she wants to hear (based on what will said):

mike tells el “im afraid that one day you wont need me anymore” directly referring to when will told him that she (he) will always need him and then we see this shot.

a lot of people interpret this clip as will just being sad that mike loves her but i think here he might actually be realizing that mikes using his own feelings unknowingly to reach her and he feels guilty about it.

will also told mike that “you make her feel like shes not a mistake at all, like shes better for being different and that gives her the courage to fight on” which actually is not the case for el AT ALL. that was the entire reason for their fight in volume one. el told him “i am different i do not belong” and that he thinks shes a monster and thats why she doesnt love him. she doesnt wanna be loved for being different. but will made mike think she does. these are els reactions to when he brings up her powers:

“youre my superhero”

“you can move mountains, you can fly”

during the whole monologue shes crying but both times he brings up her powers she stops and just looks mad. she looks like she just realized something and shes not happy about it.

i think will completely unintentionally made mlvn so much worse with his veiled confession in the van.

just straight up lies:

“and i knew right then and there that i loved you” (referring to the very first moment he saw her in the woods.)

this is the biggest lie of the whole monologue and i dont always like to bring in social media and marketing to my analyses but when i watched this for the first time, the SECOND he said this i immediately thought of this tweet:

we also have proof in the show itself that he didnt feel this way. he brings her home because he just found a lost girl in the woods in the pouring rain. and then he and lucas and dustin immediately come up with a plan on how to get her back to wherever she came from so that the next day they can go back outside and find will.

“i love you on your bad days”

immediately debunked. mikes a fucking BITCH on her bad days. even will thinks so.

“i love you for exactly who you are”

he doesnt even talk about who she is??? at the beginning of the season we had that whole scene of nancy and jonathan talking about all the reasons they love each other and what does mike love about el? that shes a superhero?

and THEN after the monologue is over its not even mike who gives her the courage to fight on! ITS MAX!!! el doesnt have the power to move the vines until she sees max in trouble. and then later when shes reviving her and theres flashbacks of their moments together, specifically when she says “theres more to life than stupid boys” and “not hopper, not mike, you.” thats huge.

continuing with post-monologue volume 2, its so beyond weird that we dont see el speak a WORD to him after this enter speech. not even just after that speech, after she almost died.

if mlvn was meant to be why didnt they have a moment like this after she woke up? we dont even see her wake up. we dont even see them for two days!!!!

anyways that was a lot. i hope it all made sense. i think the purpose of the whole monologue was to show that even after mike says what she wanted to hear, shes still not happy with him. shes realized that that she is her own person and her own superhero. the duffers just made it excruciatingly complicated and i hope they do a good job explaining this scene in s5.

[unadulterated-syd]

is this one still up? looks really fun!

Send in a couple things about you, personality + gender + gender preference,, and I'll give you a character I'd pair you with platonically (add your fandom!!)

so, im an intp, i love horror movies and mystery books (my favs at the moment are those from stalking jack the ripper series yk), im a rock/metal music lover, i draw some stuff and write abt romance&horror (usually they walk together), i play rpg and atm im trying the dungeon master thing. i dont talk to alot of people, that takes tooo much energy, few people think im rude cause tbh i dont have much patience and i dont let people step on me yk, still i care too much abt others (i just dont like them to know it), so i help anyone that asks for it on my own way, but i hate being helped cause talking abt my problems makes me feel weak. also i go for she/her and i dont have any gender preferences.

my fandoms are stranger things, twd, supernatural, wednesday, hp and alice in borderland (yep you dont write abt some of these but i like to talk abt them:])

yes all my events are still up!

like you said, i don't write for all your fandoms, however i can give you a matchup for; stranger things, the walking dead, wednesday and harry potter!

we actually have a LOT in common,, you just seem cooler than me tbh

(id love to talk to u about horror btw)

anyway!

stranger things -> this one id like to put you with eleven hopper!

the way id mostly support this is you seem a lot like max, and those two have one of the best bonds (though i ship elmax this friendship would be platonic)

youd help her with bullying problems and would NOT let her ever feel bad about herself

and tbh i think you guys could be a badass duo (not side kick way cause youd both bring equal amounts to the table)

plus i think will would warm up to you and im sure you could help him with his sexuality issues (we all know he thinks badly of himself)

but el would just really adore you, and you her i think itd be a good friendship all around

(i genuinely think shed be scared of horror movies and then she sees a slasher and then is a fanatic tbh)

the walking dead -> i think i want to put you with glenn

hear me out, him being a poser before the apocalypse and you GENUINELY teaching him about punk/rock, and horror culture

like when hes passionate about something he stands his ground,, and you stand his ground with him (you two always win bc youd always be right)

the two of you BOTH going on the ride in his red car

being friends with him since day 1 of the apocalypse and bonding

helping him in your secretive ways and him noticing it >>

he would hes very good at detecting things like that,, and would be v thankful but wouldnt tell you cause obviously you dont want to talk about it

plus hed silently understand your feelings so u dont need to express them

wednesday -> i give you ajax!!

see hypothetically, i think xaviers the type to also be super into horror and punk/rock

so ajax is already heavily exposed to your interests + i think hed be into some horror

and hes the type to enjoy a light amount of rock/punk

i think hed be big on apocalypse shows for some reason

i feel like neither of tou are comfortable sharing emotions you just kind of know everything about eachother and act accordingly

you guys could geek out over new horror movies and such!!!

plus you and enid would get along really well so you three would be best pals

i think youd bud heads with xavier so the two of you would probably argue a lot and Ajax would bully the two of you about it

Harry Potter -> I want to pair you with Fred and George

i cant even explain this one

you guys just are best friends

and youre the only one that ever gets serious (when you need to ofc)

plus they def dont discuss feelings to one another lets be honest

I hope these work for you!!! :)))

[azuries]

fellas you ever thought of a scenario where mike had a terrible day in school and so he decided to try to contact will after trying for so long, thinking itll be different this time and his fate being kind to him, but then getting nothing. well now you have

[anne-white-star]

Band queen x reader depressed!reader: Don't do it

Please before you read this x reader

Here is a link to a post with phone numbers to difrent suicide hotlines please stay safe and alive and remember you are important and loved!!💗💗💗

Notes : reader is depressed after her parents broke up her grandma is on her death bed And her boyfriend cheated on her with an other girl. The Queen boys come acros her about to take her own life by jumping of a bridge (takes place in London at the tower bridge) this is just a story and is not acurate takes place during the early years of queen

Sorry for any spelling mistakes

Words: 1287

Warnings : cursing attempted suicide, depression fluff and comfort at the end

(Gif isnt mine)

"What do you mean you don't love me anymore?! Could't you have said that before you cheated on me, its already hard enough for me david, my parents are getting devorced and my grandma is on her death bed!!!!!!"

"Oh its hard for you y/n, don't you understand, im in love with someone els while being stuck with you."

"You fucking asshole, thats it get out i don't want to see your fucking face here ever again!"

"You can't kick me out"

"Yes i can who is the person who is paying for the roof above your head, me! Who is the person working two jobes?, me!, get the fuck out before i break something like your fucking arm!!!"

"You crazy bitch"

"Try me david i fucking dare you, now get out!!!"

"Fine but don't come back to me if you need somone"

Tears streamed down y/n her face "Oh dont worry about that" when david was finaly out the door she slamed it closed and broke down crying.

"Why can't life be easy for me, why everything at once why why why!!!" She stood up And walked to her desk and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen and started to write

Dear person who finds this letter

As i write this its to mutch for me to continue on with my life with everything happening at once.

i don't really know how to get out of this situation other than ending it all.

if anyone finds this letter please let my family and Friends know i love them

Lots of love from

Y/n y/l/n

When she finished wrighting the paper was soaked by her tears, y/n stood up And placed the paper on the coffee table and walked out the front door down the street on her way to the tower bridge.

At the same moment at The Vault 1894 (its a pub near the tower bridge, its just for the story so its not acurate that they went here) a group of friends walked out on their way back home

"I personaly think the gig went extremly wel what about you Fred?"

"Oh darling we were amazing up there"

"My hands hurt a bit i guess i went a bit to hard on the guitar" Brian laught

Roger laught as wel "My head hurts a bit from headbanging to mutch"

"Lets get home for a drink darlings we deserved it" they started to walk over the bridge to the other side

Back to y/n, she had climed on the side of the bridge and stood there just looking over the water contemplating if she should do it or not, the tears started to fall again "im so sorry for failling everyone" and with that she jumped

But before she was to far down a hand shot out and grabed her over the side of the bridge "hold on don't let go!!" Looking up with a tear stained face she was met with four concerned faces looking down in her the man that was holding on to her had long blond hair that went to his shoulders. "Freddie please help?!"

The man called Freddie leaned over the side and grabed her by the back of her jacked "please let go of me im good for nothing please?!" She started to sob more

"Oh darling please let us help you please hold on" he put out his other hand y/n looked up at Freddie and grabed it, both Freddie and the blond man pulled her over the railing safely

"There you go are you alright?"

"It honestly could be better" she said softly with tears down her face while rubbing her arms

"Here take this" the man with the longer brown hair gave his jacked to her, y/n took it and put it over her shoulder

"Thank you" she rubbed her eyes

The man with the curly hair kneeld infront of her "Hey is it a good idea if we go somewhere els and not here it might do you better" he held out his hand for her to take

"A..alright Yes lets do that" she took his hand and stood up

"Iets go to our place for the night if thats alright with you?"

"Its fine with please lead the way" y/n said with a soft voice

The boys kept looking at her from time to time and Freddie hold her hand softly in his, when they arived at The hotel that they stayed the night. Once they arived at The door they let her go in first she went to sit on the coutch that stood in the cornor and pulled her legs up to her chin and hid her face

"I'll go and make some tea fred" said the tall curly man

"Alright Brian" said Freddie, the man called Brian went in to the kitchen to boil some tea

Freddie sat next to y/n on the coutch "now tell me dear what's your name'?"

"Y/n" came the muffled replie

"Well hello y/n, my name is Freddie Mercury, the man in the kitchen is Brian may the blond is roger taylor and the guy with the long brown hair is John deacon but you can call him deaky"

John sat down on the other side of the coutch and rubbed his arm over her back "would you mind telling is whats wrong y/n? What happend we want to help you"

She sniffed "wel i had a lot of crap comming over me the past few months, i have been sufering from depression for a few years now and the past few months its been really going down hill"

Brian came back in the room "here drink this it might help" he held out a cup of tea

"Thank you" she took the cup in her hands and smelled the sweet aroma of the tea

"Would you mind telling is more? If you don't want to thats fine"

She sighed "wel a lot of family problemes have been hapening, my parents are getting a divorce my grandma is on her death bed and my boyfriend cheated on me with an other girl, its just to mutch its al happening at the same time" the tears once again flowed down her face

"Oh dear come here" Freddie hugged her and held her close, she clinged to Freddie like he was going to disapear

"Thank you four so mutch i don't know you guys for that long but you made me feel a lot more welcome the past hour than people did the past year thank you" she dried her tears and sat up straight

"Please stay the night we don't think its a good idea For you to go home just yet" said roger

"thats fine, i don't mind sleeping on the coutch"

"Alright we get you some blankets and a pillow so that you can make yourself comfortabele"

"Thanks Brian i apriciate it"

Once everything was set and put up everyone started to get to get ready to go to bed

"If there is anything you need please wake us don't be afraid to do so alright? "

"Alright thanks deaky thank you all So mutch i can't thank you enough"

"Its nothig dear now go get some rest" Freddie gave her a kiss on the fourhead and all the boys went back to their rooms

"Good night you all"

"Good night y/n sweet dreams"

that night after a whole year of sleepless nights and nightmares y/n had finaly a good night of sleep, she was so extreemly thankfull that they saved her and made her feel welcome.

And then she knew that there was always somone looking out for her

The end

I hope you guys enjoyed reading

And please note that if you have depression or know somone who has it please talk to somone about it and get help you deserve to be happy and you are loved♥️♥️♥️

Please consider rebloging if you like the story and leaving a coment is alright to i would love to hear what you think 😊

thank you all for reading ♥️♥️♥️

[90sstuffidk]

Courtney Love chooses her women of the year, December 1993

Rare Courtney Love interview December, 13 1993

I transcribed this myself from looking at a low quality pic of a magazine page so pls appreciate it lol

Rita Bobbit, folk heroine

“Shes sort of too much of a folk heroine already, but I wanted to include her because shes so damn funny. Shes the one who cut her husbands dick off in his sleep. 

 “He was very abusive and mean to her, and she put up with it for years and years, and then he started beating her and cheating on bher. It wasnt so much the cheating that got to her, it was the fact that shed left her family and everything behind in El Salvador or somewhere to go and live with him in Virginia. So she got this knife while he was sleeping and chopped off his penis. Then she grabbed it, got into her little Honda with his penis, drove about a block, and threw it onto this grassy ?.

 “Then she pulled over and called the cops, and said, “Ive just cut off my husbands penis, and its on this grassy ?”

“Her husband, meanwhile calls an ambulance

She didnt cut off his testicals though - just his penis. I dont know how she did it with a clean sweep because youd have to really hack, wouldnt you? She mustve been sharpening that fucking thing for days.

 “I just think its funny. Im not advocating it, but I bet everyones felt like it. This story really sends shivers up mens spines.”

Susan Faludi

“She wrote the award winning “Backlash” - the most well-researched, well written piece of non-fiction Ive ever read in my life. “Its totally mind blowing, totally factual, shocking, insane, evil, and not one lie, all of it true, all of it fact checked. Shes the pinnacle of good journalism, good journalism thats not boring. Its insane and a necessity, not just for women, its a necessity for anyone who wants to learn how the media really works. It shows you how to behave in a way thats acceptable. “I have a lot of friends that had a hard time getting through “backlash” because they get angry. I have one friend in particular who refused to read it past chapter four because it was making her too angry, and she was afraid she was going to turn into “a big feminist” - her own words! No matter what your politics are, whether you agree with me or not, its necessary reading. Editors of “Select” should definitely read this book, and anybody whos a sleezy journalist or who ever aspired to what good journalism is, should read this book. “Meeting her was like meeting Elis Presley, I was for sure more impressed by meeting her than talking to Madonna on the phone about stuff that Madonna knows nothing about.”

Lydia Lunch

“Her work is incredibly neglected.

“when shes articulating about her life, shes incredibly profound and intense - shes such an inspiration because she absolutely changed her life. I would call her the worlds greatest pop song writer. In terms of ?, she takes the cake - that box set she released earlier this year is a total experience. You just loose yourself to this womans incredible wit and intelligence.

“I like her for the fact shes willing to go out into the street and cut off dicks and shoot with guns. For the fact that shes willing to be a voyeur rather than just sitting around, upper middle class, whining about the press. ”Shes populist enough both to use the media and be true to herself”

Janet Billig, Evan Dando - among others

“She was referred to in a british magazine as my human sponge and a wet nurse - which was kind of ironic because, at the time, she was doing all of Nirvanas publicity.

“Shes 23 years old, and shes probably one of the most powerful women in the music industry today at that age. She put Caroline Records on the map, she signed Pussy Galore to them, she was responsible for signing Smashing Pumpkins. Shes got incredibly good taste, she can just hear things - she (rest gets cut off unfortunately) 

Tamra Davis

“She directed a hit movie called “CB4″, which is the ? answer to “Waynes World”, she also directed Drew Barrymore in “Gun Crazy” which was very good.

“Recently, theres been this spate of bad girl Hollywood scripts which I got to read the parts in. Theres a Sharon Stone cowgirl movie and a Julie Davis cowgirl movie - and there was going to be this Tarantino movie, “Bad Girls”, with Madeleine Stowe, Drew Barrymore, Andie McDowell. It was an epic movie, all the actresses got 1.5 million Tamara though, was given only 6 million dollars to make the movie with.

“One of the actresses, who I wont name, was very threatened by the idea that a woman was going to direct this movie, even though there couldnt be anyone sweeter than Tamra. They waited seven days and, on the seventh day, because of this actress, they fired her. 

“Not only did they hire him for no reason, they gave him 20 million extra dollars. So he got to direct the movie the way it should be directed, because of the female actress who said “I cant be directed by another woman”

“I think its incredible the way Tamra stood up to that, and, furthermore, she doesnt have a bad word to say about anyone - even the actress who had her thrown off the movie. 

Drew Barrymore

“She did these incredibly sexy Guess ads. Shes like a fat little girl, but shes sexy and just gorgeous, really sweet, obviously very talented. Im praising heer visual assets, but I just think that its cool that someone can be that sexy in an era of waifs. 

“Shes sexy in an individual kind of way without being a bad role modelfor people. I think that if you want to sexualize yourself and youre of age, shes kind of scummy and sexy at the same time, shes not like a fucking candy box and shes not like a mid-western girl and shes not like Kate Moss.

“Shes every girl and shes very attainable. Shes got the same kind of everywoman assets about her like early Madonna had. Any girl can look like Drew Barrymore.”

Chrissie Hynde

“Because she was responsable for one of the most perfect rock records ever written by a woman, and is still writing music and executing it and writing the lyrics.

“She uses her sexuality in a weird way, and always has done. Like the time she posed on the front of NME in black leather with some glam rocker - back when she used to write for them in the Seventies.

“She wrote a great record and I dont give a shit about anything else”

Ellen vonUNWORTH

“Shes the worlds best photographer right now. Her rates are insanely high for a video shoot. And she does these Guess ads 

“She wont work for just anyone - she doesnt like rock because it doesnt give her as much freedom as fashion. Shes not looking for grit, shes looking for beauty. Sometimes shell use supermodels, but often she uses really normal girls, normal women. Shes a little plastic but thats part of her job.

“She uses color incredibly. Shes a better black and white photographer than ?, which is saying a lot. I havent seen black and white photography like that since the early Echo and The Bunnymen NME days. Those beautiful U2 covers and Ian McCulloch covers.

Hillary Clinton

“For obvious reasons, I relate to her and Id relate to her no matter what.

“I was never more relieved in my life than when that woman moved into the white house. I just felt like things are gonna be okay now. But, although Hillary and Bill are living in the White House, the right wing re still getting on school boards and banning things like taking deep breathes before tests, because “its new age religion”. They reckon Halloween decorations are satanic, self esteem for girls is feminism, and feminisms been turned into a dirty word - rather than a state of being. Like  Humanitarianism or whatever.

“I really want her and Bill to stay there because her health care system is the only thing thats going to keep this country from collapse. Shes spent 67 months on it, and I dont know why America thinks its crazy. Id be willing to, even if I was poor, pay an extra dollar.

“Its pathetic that she has to pretend that she, bakes cookies, its pathetic the way that the American public demands she submerges her intellect. She used to be one of the best yop 10 lawyers in the country.

“Her scapegoating is just a really easy media tactic, because shes an easy target.”

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 4

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.1k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: i hope you guys arent getting bored. id loooove your feedback! please! you give me so much of it these days and i appreciate it so so much soooo dont stop? thank you!!

Chapter 4 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

I was not even sure I meant it when I told Niall there was no 'us' anymore. The truth was, there would always be something between us, something life changing, something deep that would probably end up scarring both of us. When he got out of the cafe and lost it in front of me, I thought he was going to say something to me. I was not sure what I wanted to hear, or what I expected to hear, but no matter what it was, he hadn't said it and the way I was disappointed was not normal.

The problem was not the feelings, it was not the lack of love. Every time my eyes would meet his, I felt something stir inside me. When he put his big and warm hands on my cheeks to cup my face, it made my whole body throb. No, love was not the problem because I loved Niall. I've loved him since I was six, and the feeling only grew with the years and exploded when we were together. I never stopped loving him after he broke up with me, and I still loved him. It seemed even stronger now that he was back in my life. No, the problem is that I don't trust him anymore. The problem is that he broke me, he betrayed me, and he lied to me. I believed all his promises and he didn't keep them. I put my trust in him and he broke it. Even just being his friend again was tough for so many reasons.

"In the loune again?"

I blinked a few times, turning to the voice, and chuckled a bit when I saw Louis staring at me.

"The word is 'lune'. You need to learn how to pronounce it."

He sent me an annoyed smile and raised his middle finger at me, making me laugh before I blew him a kiss. Louis put a cup of coffee in front of me and sat at the table to face me with his own cup. He stared at me in silence for a few seconds before licking his lips.

"You're thinking about Niall, aren't you?"

I sighed but didn't dare to look up in his eyes. I was always impressed when Louis found out exactly how I felt or what I thought about but the truth was, I was not so tough to read if you really took the time to study me. Of course I was thinking about Niall, what or who else would I be so pensive about?

"Did you ever tell Eleanor about you and i?"

Slowly, he put his cup down and I could feel his eyes burning me. It took me a while but I finally looked up and he reached for my hand, sliding his arm my way on the table. His fingers grabbed mine and I held my breath. Somehow, I wanted it to remain a secret, something only me and him knew, but at the same time, I knew how close he was to Eleanor and how dangerous that kind of secret could be.

"Yea, I did." he finally admitted in a low tone. "Does that hurt you?"

I blinked a few times and licked my lips before swallowing hard. No, it didn't really bother me, and I wanted to tell him, but I just shook my head a bit and pressed my lips together.

"How did she forgive you? How do you forgive something like that?" I asked, feeling a lump in my throat. "She lets you live here, with me?"

Louis sighed and moved back on his seat, letting go of my fingers to take an other sip of his coffee.

"El knows I love her, and that I wouldn't risk losing her again." he just explained. "She knows my friendship with you is important, too. She forgave me for breaking her heart when I left her, and she gave me her heart again, and her trust, and she knows I won't do anything that could make me lose her again."

It made sense. It made so much sense that I felt myself tear up and closed my eyes. Could I trust Niall again? I didn't even know why I was asking myself this question. After all, I was getting married to a wonderful man, who loved me a lot and made sure I was happy. Why would I want to fall back into a toxic relationship with Niall? I felt my heart jump in my chest as my heart answered this question by itself. Because Niall was my soulmate, that was why.

"Look, Olivia, I could tell you that Niall's an asshole for what he did to you, I could tell you that you deserve better and that you shouldn't risk it again because you've suffered enough... but that would be so hypocrite of me, you know?" he let out in a soft tone. "Just.. do the thing that ensures that you won't wake up at 80 and regret your decisions, no matter what decision it is."

We remained a few minutes in silence, just drinking our coffee, and when I got up, I grabbed Louis' cup and put it in the sink with mine. I was stressed and confused and all I really wanted was to go in my room, lock the door and hide myself under the blankets to be away from the world.

"Oh yea, hey!" Louis let out a bit louder. "It's your radio interview today! When are you leaving?"

As if on cue, my phone started ringing and I grabbed it, answering it quickly.

"Hey babe, i'm in your driveway."

I laughed a bit and tilted my head with a smile.

"You know you can text me, you don't have to call me." I pointed out. "Or just honk a few times."

"That's not how my mommy raised me. Besides, I wanted to hear your voice."

I rolled my eyes but my smile got bigger.

"I'll be next to you in a minute, you could have waited."

"Mm no, can't do." he joked with a laugh, making me laugh too. "Come on, or we'll be late, love you."

"Mm, love you too."

We said goodbye and it's only when I hung up that I noticed Louis doing kissy noises near me. I turned around and pressed my hand on his face, pushing on it lightly and making him laugh.

"Was Dylan or Niall?"

My eyes got bigger and my lips parted as he stared at me. His lips curled more and more into a smirk with each second and I shook my head.

"Shut up!"

He laughed more and walked closer to me, turning me around by my shoulders and pushing me until the front door. He handed me my sweater as I was putting my shoes on and raised his eyebrows. The fact that he knew which sweater I would bring or just that I would bring one even if it was warm outside made me smile but it faltered slightly when I remembered that it used to be something Niall would have done.

"Okay, good luck, my queen."

"I thought that brought bad luck?"

He chuckled low. "Break a leg, then." he said before frowning. "What do you say in french?"

"Merde."

"Isn't that the world for 'shit'?"

I laughed and nodded before shrugging and wrapping my arms around his shoulders. He hugged me back, leaning his chin on my shoulder and I closed my eyes. I needed this, I needed someone to take me close and hug me tight. I needed the comfort Louis could give me, and the way he squeezed me against him made me feel a bit better.

"You'll do great. Don't let them intimidate you, okay?"

I pulled away and nodded as he bumped his fist on my shoulder.

"Merde!"

I laughed and opened the door only to see Dylan waving at me with a smile. I quickly rushed to his car, turning around once to wave goodbye to Louis. After I was seated, Dylan leaned to kiss me and I closed my eyes when I felt his warm lips against mine. There was no doubt that I loved him, but I couldn't stop myself from thinking about Niall. I thought I was fine without him but clearly, I was lying to myself. Now that he was back in my life, he wouldn't leave my mind.

"Okay, you just stay yourself, and it'll go amazingly." Dylan suggested with a smile after he parked. "Are you sure you don't want me to go there with you?"

I breathed in and licked my lips as I shook my head. "No, i'll be fine." I just said, mostly trying to convince myself. "Thanks for the ride."

I grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him hard, making him chuckle against my mouth. It's not that I didn't want him to come with me, in fact, I really wanted it, but I thought it was better if I went alone. I had worked on myself a lot in the past year and one of the things I wanted to achieve was to do things by myself. Of course, it was scary at first, but it didn't mean it was impossible. I wanted to do my first radio interview by myself and I knew I could do it. I didn't need anyone.

"If you need a ride home, you call me okay?"

I let my eyes roam on his face and ran my thumb on his bottom lip, making him smile very slightly. He was so pretty, and so caring, and I suddenly realized how lucky I was.

"Mmhm, thank you."

I could feel my heart hit my rib cage and echo all over my body, making my head throb, as I walked inside. Until I sat down with the earphones, I could feel my hands get sweaty and wiped them on my jeans but it's really when I saw one of the radio hosts enter that I nearly threw up. I recognized her, it was the woman who gave Niall her phone number when she interviewed him. How the fuck didn't I know that she moved here too?

"Hello darling, it's been a while."

I sent her an awkward smile and nodded. I hated the way she talked to me and if I had the strength, I would have just turned around and ran away. But I was stronger than that, right?

"So, you already know how it works, we'll just present you, ask you questions, put a few tunes, and ask more questions." she explained quickly. "Alright?"

I just nodded, not thinking about anything to say or ask. My mind was blank and I just swallowed hard, squirming nervously on my chair.

"As promise, we're here today with the writer of the new Netflix sensation, hello Olivia, how do we pronounce your last name?"

I smiled at the man who presented me and licked my lips, trying to forget my sweaty hands and how hard my heard was beating.

"Fontaine."

"That's french isn't it?"

"Mmhm, yes."

I glanced at the girl but she was just looking at her notes and I couldn't hide that I was nervous to find out what kind of questions she would ask me. Suddenly, I wanted this interview to be over, or have never happened, but I was stuck here and couldn't do anything about it.

"Basically, you're from France, you moved to Ireland, then lived in England and now, you're here, in Cali."

My lips parted and i nodded. "That's... correct." I let out with a chuckle.

"Let's talk about the theme of your tv show, we all know by now that Louis Tomlinson wrote it and sings it, how did you manage to do that?"

I smiled and shrugged. "I just asked him and he said yes."

"So you kept in touch with Niall's friends after you two broke up?"

I felt my heart twist in my chest and turned to the woman, trying to keep my cool.

"Yea, Erika, I did, we kept in touch, I mean we live together." I just pointed out with a shrug, making her eyes open wide in surprise. "We're close friends."

"Did he write it himself or did you help him?" I turned to Damien, the co-host, and sent him a grateful smile.

"I gave him carte blanche." I admitted. "He's super talented and can definitely write and sing, there was no reason for me not to trust him."

I was not going to say that on the radio, but I trusted Louis with my life. I was so grateful he had accepted to do that, especially because I knew he was busy with the writing of his album. The fact that he took the time to help me meant a lot.

"How did the idea came to you?"

I breathed in, happy that this part of the interview was actually about my tv show. Those were easy questions for me. We chatted a bit about when the second season would come out, who would be in it, if i'd have special guests, and if I could give a few spoilers about what would happen.

"So you're marrying Dylan O'Brien this summer, the guy who plays your boyfriend in the series, is it hard to play love on screen with someone you're dating?"

"Not for us, no, I don't think so. I mean, we're both busy, he's leaving to film a movie soon, and we're not together 24/7, so it was actually nice because we could get to see each other more. Also, an other perk, I had a ride every morning and evening."

Damien laughed and I smiled more. I wasn't as nervous as I was when I walked in but I kept playing with the fabric of my pants and couldn't pretend I was not impatient for all this to end.

"Niall turned out to be a very handsome lad, are you mad sometimes that you're not dating him anymore?"

My jaw dropped and I stared at Erika, feeling my face turning red suddenly, but I didn't know if it was because of anger, or embarrassment. I glanced down at my hands and licked my lips, trying to find a way to answer this without being too rude but also without letting her get the best of me or make me feel bad.

"Niall was always handsome, but that's not why I was with him." I said gently, twisting my fingers under the table to make sure I'd keep my cool. "He's a good man, and he's talented, smart and kind. He was my best friend so we were very close and, yea, it just didn't work."

There was a short moment of silence until Damien spoke up, trying to get rid of the awkwardness and for that, I was extremely grateful.

"We're going to listen to Louis Tomlinson's newest single, 'Miss You', and we'll be back right after!"

The song started and I smiled when I heard Louis' voice but still took one of my earphone off my ear, putting it right behind on my head, just in time to see Damien bend down slightly near his co-host and frown.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked in a whisper but slightly rudely, making her roll her eyes.

I licked my lips  and tilted my head, trying to catch their attention and when Erika turned to me, I sent her an annoyed smile.

"No more questions about Niall." I let out firmly, my eyes never leaving hers.

Her lips parted and we stayed like that just staring at each other for a while until Damien turned off the music and started talking again.

"Okay, we have someone on the line who's got a question for you Olivia." he said, making my heart skip a beat. "Hello, what's your question?"

"Hey, I was just wondering if we could ask her a few questions about her tv show instead to ask about her ex boyfriend? No one cares about that, we want to know what she has planned for season 2 and stuff like that."

My lips curled and I bit my bottom one to contain the smile. Erika's eyes found mine and after a few seconds, I think she realized who was actually the caller but she decided not to say anything. I gripped my phone in my pocket, fighting the need to send him a quick text message. I didn't want anyone to ask me who I was texting and just licked my lips.

"Thank you." I answered with a smile. "It's nice to know some people are interested in the show."

Damien cleared his throat and turned to look at me.

"Alright then, we'll take a few questions from you guys at home, so go ahead and call."

                                                  -----

The bar was crowded but surprisingly, the music wasn't as loud as it normally is. Louis put both his hands on my shoulders as we walked to the table and I turned my head slightly his way, feeling his warm breath on my cheek.

"Did I mention how good you sounded in your interview?"

I chuckled and let my eyes roam on his face as we stood next to our friends and finally, I turned around and wrapped my arms around him to hug him. He pulled me closer and squeezed me tight for a few seconds, making me tear up. It had been a long day, the stress was finally leaving me, and it felt good.

"Yes, about three times, but thank you, it makes me feel better."

When I moved away from Louis and turned around to sit at the table, my eyes met Niall's and my lips immediately curled. He was staring at me without shame and didn't even try to look away. I licked my lips and bit my bottom one as we kept looking at each other until Louis put a glass of wine in front of me and took his seat back next to me. I wanted to get up and sit next to Niall to talk with him but I was scared of how my friends would react. I knew that thinking they would think something was happening between Niall and I only proved that it was what I thought myself but I couldn't help it. It was in the way he was looking at me, and the way it made me feel. It fucked me up and I didn't know what to do.

We all chatted and laughed all together for a while, but I kept glancing at Niall and he did the same. I didn't know how I felt about that but it made something stir in my stomach. Maybe it was only the memories of us that made me feel like this but I was not sure what to do with it.

My eyes roamed around the table only to see Julie, Liam, Harry and his new girlfriend (whom's name I couldn't remember) in deep conversation while Louis and El were whispering and smiling at each other with their faces really close. I just got up without thinking and walked to the bathroom but when I got out, I was surprised to see Niall in the hall, leaning against the wall and waiting for me. He pushed himself off the wall when he noticed me and turned to face me. I let my eyes roam on his face as he kept his hands in his pockets, just staring down at me and in that moment I could swear he was going to kiss me.

"You did very well in your radio interview." he finally said, his lips curling more. "I'm sorry they tried to make this about me."

I shrugged a shoulder and smiled back at him. "It's alright, you're more interesting and famous than me."

"It was that annoying girl, yea?" he asked, making me glance down before looking up in his eyes. "The girl that gave me her phone number when we went to that radio interview? I'm surprised she moved here, too."

I wanted to ask him if he had sex with her, or if he had planned to after he broke up with me, but I didn't dare. I was scared of his answer and of how it would affect me. I'd feel guilty if I felt relieved that he didn't, and i'd feel guilty if I felt angry and hurt that he did. Not knowing seemed like the best option.

"She was being a bitch, I swear." I chuckled, making him chuckle too.

"I know, I heard." he scratched the back on his head and I held my breath. "I'm sorry about that."

"But hey, someone called to tell her off, so that was nice." I just added, my lips curling even more.

"Yea, I heard that too."

I tilted my head and stared at him some more as my smile turned into an amused one. I was grateful that this man had been in my life for so long, and even more grateful that he was there again.

"Thank you for calling and telling her off, Nee."

He sent me a fake surprised look and smiled even more before shrugging and shaking his head.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Without thinking, I threw myself in his arms and it took him only a second to hug me back. I felt his stubble scratch gently my cheek and he pulled me even closer as I remained on my tiptoes. The problem was, I didn't want to let go of him. Maybe it was the alcohol running in my veins, or just the gratitude of what he had done for me, but either way, it felt good to be close to him.

"Thank you." I repeated in a whisper, closing my eyes as his scent invaded me.

I felt intoxicated by him and I swallowed hard.

"You're welcome, petal." he murmured, making my heart skip a beat. "I told you, I'll always be there for you."

I held my breath at the promise he made when we were still together and felt myself tear up. We were happy together, and although we both had flaws that generated problems, we loved each other and it felt good. I wish love was all we needed, it would be so much easier.

We pulled away but remained close from each and when his hand moved slowly to push a lock of my hair away from my face, I held my breath again. His fingers lingered on my jaw and I felt his thumb brush my lip and my eyes fluttered but I quickly took a step back and cleared my throat.

"Oh I didn't tell you, but I love you as a brunette!" I let out randomly, trying to move past that awkward yet emotional moment we just had. "Hadn't seen you with your natural hair color since you were what, 10?"

"More like 12." he let out with a chuckle as I nodded.

"You look good." I added sincerely, sending him a fond smile.

I knew he wanted to say something about what had happened between us just a few seconds before but I didn't want to hear it. Being so confused around him made me feel like shit. We were both taken and even though the connection we used to have together was slowly coming back (I could feel it), I didn't want to let this go too far.

"We should go back." I proposed low, making his smile falter a little before he nodded.

He turned around to leave and quickly, I sent a text message to my boyfriend, asking him to come and join us. I wanted him to be there and remind me why I was with him. Not because I couldn't remember, but because being so close to Niall fucked me up in a way I couldn't explain and brought back all these feelings to the surface. It felt like we were never apart. It felt like we were alone in the world.

I was fine a few days ago, I was happy. But without even knowing it, Niall came back in my life and changed everything. I didn't want to trust him, and I didn't want to give him an other chance. I was way too scared of what he could do to me again. But I also couldn't deny how much I loved him.. how much I would always love him.

[lyrazehedgieboiii]

Sonamy #2 AU

@blogkittylove, you requested this story from the Choice Board, so here it is!

Before you start reading the story, I just wanted to let you know that this is a different AU, than the other one. This one is where Sonic’s in the mafia, and he’s hiding his true identity from Amy. He speaks in Portuguese, but in this story, he’ll speak Spanish, because Portuguese is harder for me to understand and speak, so I’m going with Spanish. (Because I am LMAO) What’ll happen when he tells an order to one of his men in Spanish, unaware that Amy understands? 

(Amy’s POV)

I was sitting in my apartment watching T.V, until I heard the door unlock. Standing there was my boyfriend, Sonic. He was wearing a black fedora and a white dress shirt, which was kind of open at his chest. Oh my Chaos, that chest fur. It’s not a lot, but it’s still there. He looked at me and then the clock, and walked over. I smiled, while his was more smug.

     “Hi, Sonikku. How was your day?” I asked him, as he cuddled besides me. He rested his face in the crook of my neck and nuzzled.

     “It was alright. What about you?” He said, licking my neck a little. It made me squirm a little.

     “It was good, I wrote a few recipes, so I tried making them at the bakery. Everyone liked it, and a lot of people bought it. I brought some for you.” I could tell that he was smiling on my neck.

     “Where is it?” I pointed to the kitchen, and he ran to find the cupcake box. His mouth was covered in it, and he was moaning in delight. My face started heating up for some reason, but I ignored it. Sonic turned and noticed that I was staring at him, and that just caused my face to become more red. He smirked again, and devoured the last cupcake, and walked back to me. While he was walking, he got a phone call, probably from Knuckles, and went to my bedroom to answer it. I suddenly remembered that I left my phone in there, and I was in contact with Sonic’s mother, so I tip-toed to the door and put my ear against it.

    “What?! Find it, Knuckles.” Sonic’s voice was booming from the other side of the door, and he seemed angry.

    “Boss, relax, we’re trying. Besides, you don’t want your girlfriend eavesdropping in this conversation, do you?” I heard Knuckles’s voice from over the phone, but not all the way.

    “Shut up, I don’t think she would do that anyways, she respects my privacy. My Chaos, I love her...”

    “Can you talk in Spanish though, you never know...” I knew Sonic could speak Spanish, but he didn’t know that I could too. I heard a sigh.

    “Lo quiero muerto, Knuckles. ¿entiendes?” (I want him dead, Knuckles. Do you understand?) Wait a minute... Muerto means dead. Why would Sonic want to kill somebody? Wait, no. Maybe he’s saying that in a figurative way? A metaphor, perhaps?

    “Sí señor. Tenemos hombres que le detectan ya que hablamos.” (Yes sir. We have men tracking him down as we speak) Tracking him down? Probably to get him in jail, I guess.

    “Perfecto, ha pasado mucho tiempo desde que tuve el placer de dispararle a alguien.” (Perfect, it’s been a long time since I’ve gotten the pleasure of shooting someone.) Okay, now those innocent thoughts are gone. He’s actually talking about killing. Shooting somebody to be exact. I thought Sonic worked with boats and vehicles? Or at least, that’s what he tells me. Wait, no, Silver told me that.

     “¿Alguna vez le dirás a Amy que estás en la mafia?” (Are you ever going to tell Amy that you’re in the mafia?) I almost choked, but made a silent gasp. I realized that Sonic went silent and whispered something else to Knuckles, so I quickly (but silently) ran to the kitchen, which was right next to the living room. On the other side of the T.V, was my room. Luckily the t.v. was at a good enough volume. My ears twitch as I hear Sonic walk out of my room. I caught him staring at me. Thank Chaos I’m a professional liar.

     “What?” I question, as though I wasn’t just spying on him.

     “¿hablas español?” (do you speak Spanish?) He asked me. I cannot let him know that I understood.

      “. . .What?” I answered, even though I was fully aware of what he had asked.

     “Do you speak Spanish?” He repeated himself in English. I shook my head.

     “I speak French, Sonic. Did I not tell you that?” I told him. I didn’t exactly lie about that, I do know French. (LMAO, the author of this story sure doesn’t)

     “Then say something in French, then.” (i used google translate dont kill me)

      “Je sais ce que tu veux.” (I know what you’re up to) Knowing that he wouldn’t understand what I said.

     “What did you say?” he inquired curiously. I think of a sentence to say.

     “What do you want for dinner?” I lied once again.

     “I’m in the mood for some steak and mashed potatoes.” I nodded, and proceeded to make our dinner, acting completely normal, as though I haven’t just found out that my boyfriend is a mob boss. Or at least I think he is. He was giving orders.

      “Sonic, do you know any new funny movies? I’m in the mood.” I yelled from the kitchen. I tried to keep myself content. Besides, he’s in the mafia. No big deal. He wouldn’t hurt me...

But his enemies would...

They could see me with him and know that I’m important to him. They might kill me...

It’s not safe to date him. . .

‘Oh welp,’ I thought. ‘He’ll protect me. He wouldn’t let anyone get away with hurting me, even emotionally.’

I heard Sonic’s phone ring again, and went to the sink to fill a pot up with water.

     “What is it now, Knuckles.” Sonic whisper-yelled at his phone, making sure that I couldn’t hear him.

     “Lo tenemos.” (we got him)  was all I heard. I knew instantly that Sonic was going to leave, and I decided to tease him a little. As soon as he ended his phone call, I jumped on top of him, before I hear him yelp out in surprise. I go up to his face and kiss him. He was still in shock for a few moments, but started giving back, only harder. His hands go to my waist, while mine go around his neck. He licks my lips, begging for entrance, and I allow him. I heard his phone ring, but I see he’s trying to answer it, so kiss harder, and slowly kick the phone off onto the carpeted floor. I feel Sonic’s hands going a little lower, so I move my hands to his chest, and start playing with his fur. One of my hands go to his back quills and starts to stroke them. He starts quivering at the touch.

That’s one of the reasons I love him. He’s my first, and I’m his first in basically anything romantic. The phone rings again, but Sonic rolls on top of me, and nips at my neck, and gives my hips a squeeze. Once I’m distracted, he grabs his phone and runs to my room. I sigh, and check on the potatoes, which are still boiling, and I start cooking the steak. Once I decide I can leave the steak alone for a bit, I go to my bedroom door and listen in on their conversation.

     “Torturarlo por un rato, iré mañana.” (torture him for a bit, I’ll come tomorrow) Torture?! You know what? I won’t allow him to keep secrets from me. I’m going to indirectly tell him that I know! I heard him walk out of the room and back on the couch.

      “Saber algo~” (I know something...{A/N this is not a real song. If you know Camila Cabello’s My Oh My, sing it like that.) I see Sonic snap his head towards me. 

       “Sé que te dije una mentira...” (I know I told you a lie) 

       “Sé que has estado matando.~” (I know you’ve been off killing~) I slide through the kitchen and put the food onto a plate like I’m presenting them in a cooking show.

        “Te amo no importa lo que hagas.~” (I love you no matter what you do) I spin and place the dishes on the already set table. He looked a little shooketh, finally realizing that I understood what he was saying this whole entire time. I knew he was hispanic, and I was too, but from my dad’s side. So, if Sonic’s a mob boss, he could easily find out anything about me, except for my dad. He wasn’t in my life, and I never really met him. My mom taught me Spanish, and sent me to my dad’s parents as a kid, and they taught me Spanish there.

      “No estoy contento con tus mentiras.~” (I’m not happy with your lies) I walk over to him, and kissed his cheek.

      “Pero te amo de todos modos~.” (But I love you anyways) He wrapped his arms around me and brought me in for a kiss. I kissed back with just as much of excitement and passion as him.

      “How?” He asks me. I giggle and pull him to a chair.

      “My dad. He was hispanic, but he died, so I was sent to my grandparents’ house a lot, so they taught me.” Sonic nodded, and pulled me into his lap, which was kind of awkward, because, I wasn’t exactly wearing...much...under that skirt.

       “I didn’t want to tell you, but of course you found out yourself. If you want to break up with me, I won’t allow you to-”

       “I’m not going to break up with you. I don’t care what your job is, I only care about it if it brings you happiness.” I interrupted him. “Besides, you should know that I find this romantic~.” Sonic looked puzzled at my statement.

       “What do you mean?” I narrow my eyes at him. 

      “Have you really never noticed all the romance novels I have in my room? You go in there a lot, I’m surprised you haven’t seen how I have a full shelf dedicated to mafia romances.” I say, nuzzling into his chest. I felt something something sticking out from between my legs. I jump off of him immediately and throw myself onto the floor.

     “What the hell was that!?” He questioned my actions.

     “I felt something between my legs! What do mean ‘What the hell was that! WAIT, DON’T TELL ME IT WAS-” I screamed out in disgust. IT WAS A BONER, HE WAS BEING TURNED ON.

     “You accepting my job is very sexy and I love how you easily accepted that.” He said, putting a hand to my thigh. I rolled my eyes.

     “You can get all of this for the price of only one ring~” My statement probably excited him, because before I knew it, he was on kneeling on one of his knees and took out a velvet box.

     “I know your answer is ‘yes,’ but I still want to hear it come out of your lips in excitement. Amelia Rosette, will you do the honor of marrying me and fulfill the romance you’ve always dreamed of?” OH MY FRICKING CHAOS IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING-

     “YES! YES, SONIC THE HEDGEHOG, YES! I WILL MARRY YOU!” I threw myself into his arms and he immediately embraced me, before pulling away and putting the jade encrusted gold ruby ring. He leaned in for a kiss, which I happily accepted.

After all, I got the romance I’ve dreamed of~

Hoped you like it :)

[cupidssrosses]

i. love. ship. playlists.

so, i know for a FACT that im not the only one that uses songs to picture scenarios with a pairing i really love. like, sometimes im so set on the idea of a ship that i have to rewrite the entire show in my brain, rework it so that they end up together logically. songs are always so good to visualise too. harringrove is the BEST for this, because the show itself uses scenes set to 80s music all the time. 

anywho, this is a really longwided way of saying hey heres my harringrove playlist enjoy :)

this song has always been made for a scene where tension has to slowly build.

so, instead of the scene with billy and neil happening at the end of the season when theres much more world-end-y  things to deal with, it happens earlier. 

the  scene happens, billy goes to find max and ends up finding steve and the kids in that junkyard. 

“am i dreaming or is that you harrington”

(really rushed) “yeah its me dont cream your pants what the FUCK are you doing here hargrove you have to leave right now”

billy won’t shut the fuck up so steve has to cover his mouth and try to push him into the bus. then we hear a demidog, steve gives up on billy and gets ready to fight, quietly hands billy a broken pole or something just in case. 

the song starts from 0:00 right when billy sees the demidog, the camera pans in on his face, just so confused and scared, processing what hes seeing. then he joins the fight, he and steve back to back protecting the kids. this leads to billy being part of the gang, at least in some respects. hes strong as fuck and now they have to fill him in on the circumstances now so hes around more often to help. he wants to protect max, but also be near/protect steve. 

so ! during subsequent fights/situations, billy and steve get a little closer, damn they’re not in love but hey they’re getting more comfortable and theres deeeefinitely some mutal attraction, the energy from those shower and basketball scenes hasn’t gone away. if steves the mother figure billys the dad. 

on the “i need a hero” (BAM) part that leads into the chorus, billy saves steve with some kind of big action you know? RIGHT on the beat i swear i get chills every time i picture it to this song. like he pushes something off of him or pull him out of the way really suddenly after running reaaaallly fast to get to him. right after it cuts to steve looking all suprised and impressed while billy keeps fighting. 

same applies to the part that goes “watched out here i COME” in the second song, except its steve saving billy. 

since two thousand and fucking 17 ive seen this song as billys image of steve. it always sounded like his thoughts about him. 

this is one of the first moments billy realises he might really REALLY like steve. hes not just horny he might actually love this moron. at around 2:07 when all the instrumental goes away and its mainly the drums, thats when it happens. 

hes picking steve up from somewhere. theyve been spending more time together as buddies. he apologised for being a dick, theyve had some more serious conversations. hes taking him to hang out with the kids, maybe he just needed a ride home from school or work. anyway, its golden hour. hes waiting to see him and hes weirdly nervous, more than he ever was waiting to pick up a date with one of the hawkins girls.

and then he sees steve walk out onto the street, or come around the corner.

his heart STOPS. steve just looks so beautiful. the light hitting his hair. he smiles at someone he knows as the walk by. billys just HIT with hoe much he loves this stupid moron and his stupid fucking smile.

steves looking around for the car and looks so. happy. when he sees billy, billy smiles back. its been a while since hes smiled that genuinely. 

billy really really part of gang now. this might be sometime after the final events of season 2 i think?? billys saved them all, had a lot of experiences, hes built up some trust with the group and it feels normal that hes there. hes part of the family, and thats what this songs about. 

it night time, theyre at steves house, all the kids, nancy, jonathen, etc. some are swimming, everyones dancing, things feel a little more okay. 

at around 1:54, (again im a sucker for stripping away most of the instrumental and relying on a few key sounds, including loud drums) billy looks around. he has for one of the first times in a while this sense of FAMILY and ACCEPTANCE and SAFETY.

theres all these shots of everyone having fun, like 2 or 3 cuts, then to steve. just standing there laughing, hairs all wet from the pool, towel around his shoulders. he looks over, catches billys eye, gives him a smile, it feels like he knows what hes thinking, and he feels the same way. 

same night, during the part build up that starts at around 2:53, everyones trying to get billy to dance, hes been smoking on one of the pool chairs, not antisocial just not dancing. not his thing. plus he doesnt want to look like an idiot infront of steve. anyway. 

one of the kids starts it, starts gesturing for him to get up, pointedly singing the lyrics, the rest join in unti theyre all singing and chanting for him to join, all while the song builds and builds. finally steve joins in. maintains eye contact. thats enough for billy. he just keeps his eyes on steve as he stands up. its more like theyre dancing together, less like the kids are there. right at the end of that bridge he just lets go. takes of his jacket and dances around with everyone. he doesnt look stupid either. he looks good. and steve notices 

this is a small one, i dont even have a story to it. all i know is that comparisons between the scene that accompanies this song in top gun and the basket ball scene in st2 have been made, and itd be a super fun, corny scene :)

starts at the very begining. this song has ALWAYS felt so magical and me. i get chills every god damn time i hear the intro. i want their first kiss to be to the intro. 

its after the last fight of season three. someone else was flayed, someone we dont love. obviously billy survives. in FACT, he was along for the ride with robin and steve, all the shenanigens with the russians, billy was tied up and drugged too. BOTH he and robin admit their sexualities. 

billy still sacrafices himself to save the kids from the monster, he says something cute like “see ya round pretty boy” or some corny shit like that before he goes to run and save el, theres a moment when steve knows what hes about to do, theyre staring at eachother and theeeerse the electricity steve knows so much about. theyre really about to kiss, staring at eachothers mouths, but the monster makes a noise and billy knows its now or never, so he runs off. 

steve tries to save him but gets nocked out. he goes unconcious thinking billys going to or is already dead. 

it cuts to the end scene when theyre all in the car park. steves got an icepack to his face, hes obviously been sobbing. 

but he heres a voice. 

(clearly overjoyed and kind of smug) “am i dreaming or is that you harrington”

he looks up. its billy. we get a nice long run-jump-hug. steves in billys arms before he can even finish his sentence:

(nearly crying but SO excited) “yeah its me dont cream your pa-”

NOW. OKAY SO. i love love love they idea of billy steve and robin going home with murray, or at least showing up at his place. maybe billy cant stand the thought of going home, hell maybe neil was the one that got flayed and died idk. anyway.

nancy and jonathen are like, we know a place if people dont want to go home, and they go murrays place. when they show up at the door murray KNOWS. hes like “ffs two more people who have repressed feelings for eachother what am i a therapist. but he lets them in and they have a similar conversation that murray had with nancy and jonathen/joyce and hopper. poking fun at how much they like eachother etc. 

billy and steve have a really intimate talk. not sexaul intimate, just really open. theyre both so tiered, steve thought billy was dead, billy had to say goodbye to steve, who he KNOWS hes in love with by now, thinking he was about to die. they both KNOW how the feel about eachother now, but they havent said it explicitly. just lots of “i really thought id lost you”, “your my best friend”, “i cant believe youd do that for me” etc etc. 

they decide to go to bed, billy walks steve to his room, the one nancy stayed in when she and jonathen got together, theyre standing at the door. just staring at eachother like they were during that fight sequence. the energies back. billy really thinks he might go for it, but decides he doesnt want to ruin things if steve doesnt really feel the same way. he doesnt even know if he likes guys yet. so he just says “night steve” (steve, get it, not harrington, cause theyre close now and he loves him and those defensive barriers are down ahhhh). 

just as he turns to leave, steve does this:

this exact thing. he grabs billys arm, leans down and kisses him. he thought he lost his chance once, he nearly died like a million times in the past 48 hours. he cant stop himself. 

RIGHT HERE is when the intro to jump kicks in. FUck that synth, the rumbling note that runs through the whole thing. time. stops. its perfect. billys wanted this for so long, so has steve but in the grand tradition of fanfiction he didnt know it until he nearly lost billy for good. 

their arms are all over eachother, just as the rest of the instruments come in, at like 0:15, they both smile into the kiss and shut the door behind them, and it cuts away :). 

theyre finally together!!! theyre in the happy, honeymoon stage of realtionship. god theyre just fucking every. chance. they. get. i think this is a new season. it’s a montage of them hooking up all over hawkins. 

in the back of the video store, robin covering for them. in the car, outside school, steves house. someone walks in and billy has to hang out of the window. he makes a noise and steves like “thats probably just a bird or something” and billy MAKES A BIRD NOISE TO THE BEST OF HIS ABILITY. 

when steve helps him back inside he just stares a him with that “youre a moron but your my moron now” face. “~mimics the sound billy made~ really?” and then billy just laughs and goes back to hooking up with him. 

theyre just HAPPY. theyre comfortble, theyre stupid idiots whod die for eachother and horny as fuck allllll the time, like young guys are. i just want a really lighthearted, NOT INNOCENT, but lighthearted tone to a whole montage of them just being happy and stupid together. 

aaaaand we’re bassically at the end of the storyline i have for them based on music. these three i just like the thought of. i want steve do dance super shamelessly in his bedroom in a towel, not in a sexy way dont get me wrong he looks DUmb, and billys at his door window just admiring this stupid idiot dancing around. i cant believe im in love with this man this graceless lanky man i had to choose this one. but ill be damned if i wouldnt give my fucken life for him

and finally trust me go listen to any scorpions song its bassicaly a harrington anthem. it all started with rock you like a hurricain for me, i saw steve look at him, i saw billy and listened to the lyrics and just thought theres no god damned way this man is straight whats the bet hes into steve and then BAM same season hes just so obviously flirting with him constantly i-

anyway okay so

this song, like many other scorpion songs is allll about billy and steve in my opion. go have fun. 

PlayerEntity made this gif not me all credit to them i just wanted to include it cause its my favorite edit of them ever. 

and thats all!!! if youre seeing this and you thought it was cool thanks i had fun. i really just wanted to get this shit out of my brain its been up there since i was a fuckn 14 year old, now im 18 lol. 

i love these men more than myself and sometimes i forget that theyre not acutally together in show cause i live so completely through fanfiction and the sequence of events you just read. 

fuck why am i signing out like you just watched a youtube video or something i should just post this okay by now xxxxx

[thelittlehansy]

Narcissism in the Westregraad family part 1

If Hans is several times called a sociopath/psychopath ( i had make a post about it on my blog explaining that hans dont represent with accuracy sociopath/psychopath behavior)  i also saw him be qualified to be a narcissist and having narcissistic personality disorder a lot of times. and i m not gonna lie this is my reaction about people assuming hans has NPD

😅😁

First because i have an history with that disorder my parents who are psychiatrist talk a lot with me about it at a period where i think i had a friend who was one.But mainly because we label very easily person with the term “narcissist” There is this trend in my country  to accuse ex-boyfriend who are manipulative and are product of toxic masculinity  to be narcissist. when NPD is a true disorder , a psychiatrist illness along with anti social personality disorder and it’s so annoying when people think they can say if someone is narcissist based on what they thing the disorder is when we need true psychiatrist to diagnose it.

I took what a website (helpguide.org) said about narcissist personality disorder symptoms and the explanation and not a silly website  “ wants to knows if you ex is one”

since hans is a fictional character and therefore do not exist  in real life took informations about the disorder and makes them apply to Hans personality is the closest  thing we have to say if he is one or not.

So does hans have narcissist personality disorder ?

first i want to say this is more difficult to say if hans is one that with psychopath/sociopath symptoms because there are way more difficult to catch and less obvious and we can easily become parano ( i say that based on personal experience )  thats why also we need to look at all hans relationship to people not only at his relationship with his ex girlfriend.

Grandiose sense of self-importance

Grandiosity is the defining characteristic of narcissism. More than just arrogance or vanity, grandiosity is an unrealistic sense of superiority. Narcissists believe they are unique or “special” and can only be understood by other special people. What’s more, they are too good for anything average or ordinary. They only want to associate and be associated with other high-status people, places, and things.

based on the movie : we don’t know.  Hans want to be king but we don’t knows why we can say that hans want to be the hero of arendelle because he feel grandiose but this is only an assumption he could also feel useless and that’s why he want so much to be king and a hero. we can add also that Hans is not bothers by the idea of being associated with arendelle citizens. the movie never contradict the scene where he show concern for arendelle citizens and wants to take her of the peasant.

  other information we have from a frozen heart : Hans feel useless as the 13th son of King he think he is useless , worthless a throwaway He feel we will never be needed. Hans feels inferior to his older brothers. It seems Hans wants attention only of basic people ? Nothing is say about him believing he think only special person can understand him. We only knows he wants the attention of his family.

complementary information : there is the argument that Narc have low self esteem yes but they are not conscious and aware like how hans is aware about his low self esteem. Hans dont compensate his low self esteem. also “ Recent research discounts the earlier theory and now indicates that if you are suffering from narcissistic personality disorder, you likely also have high self-esteem – both on the surface and below the surface.” source : Psyc

Narcissists also believe that they’re better than everyone else and expect recognition as such—even when they’ve done nothing to earn it. They will often exaggerate or outright lie about their achievements and talents. And when they talk about work or relationships, all you’ll hear is how much they contribute, how great they are, and how lucky the people in their lives are to have them. They are the undisputed star and everyone else is at best a bit player.

based only on the movie : we dont knows. again the only thing we have  is “ i m gonna be the hero of arendelle”  but saying hans think he is better than everyone because of that is to me too way much interpretation. it also contradict what it say previously Hans dont expect recognition without doing nothing. For him he need to do something and act like a hero to have arendelle respect.

complementary information on a frozen heart : Hans doesn’t except recognition without doing nothing. Hans believe he had to earn recognition. We know that he think he can be a good king but nothing about great exaggerate his achievement or talent,Also His father told him “ dont disappoint me…again” and he respond “ i wont” he knows he need to prove himself to have approval of his father. That’s what drive him to go in arendelle “ prove them wrong”Having to earn people affection is  definitely one of hans goal

.Lives in a fantasy world that supports their delusions of grandeur Since reality doesn’t support their grandiose view of themselves, narcissists live in a fantasy world propped up by distortion, self-deception, and magical thinking. They spin self-glorifying fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, attractiveness, and ideal love that make them feel special and in control. These fantasies protect them from feelings of inner emptiness and shame, so facts and opinions that contradict them are ignored or rationalized away. Anything that threatens to burst the fantasy bubble is met with extreme defensiveness and even rage, so those around the narcissist learn to tread carefully around their denial of reality

.Based on the movie : we doesn’t knows.anything of that to me its making wayyy to much assumption about hans personality that were never show in the movie. we have maybe one moment : the duke of weselton criticized him when he give the cloaks hans is calm and say the princess has give her orders.he became aggressive when the duke criticized anna ( his key to the throne) not him. he is calm when this is about him. Hans is aggressive at the end when anna say to him he  is not match for elsa. so we just dont know since Hans show different behavior. again they never told us why hans wants to be king he wants to be hero can be because he did live in a fantasy world but also because he dont live in a fantasy world and finally has his moment to shine.

others information on a  frozen heart :  somewhere we are in hans head ! so what told us ? in the beginning of a frozen heart hans has dream : only’s son of his father he told him how proud he is of him and this is time for him to give him his kingdom. then he stop and told himself : “ this is never gonna happened and he needs to stop making fantasy and dream about thing that never gonna happened his father hates him and needs to dealt with that. Hans doesn’t believe in his fantasy. He is not living in his fantasy. Then hans doesn’t react to thing that threaten his fantasy bubble by extreme defensiveness. on the contrary he is resigned to be a throwaway and worthless.  

Needs constant praise and admirationA narcissist’s sense of superiority is like a balloon that gradually loses air without a steady stream of applause and recognition to keep it inflated. The occasional compliment is not enough. Narcissists need constant food for their ego, so they surround themselves with people who are willing to cater to their obsessive craving for affirmation. These relationships are very one-sided. It’s all about what the admirer can do for the narcissist, never the other way around. And if there is ever an interruption or diminishment in the admirer’s attention and praise, the narcissist treats it as a betrayal

.based on the movie : hans come from a family that ignore him and make him feel invisible. we can also say based on his relationship with anna for Hans its all about anna , please her , do what she wants , it is not one side  because he wants to be king. arendelle , its all about him making them love him. lets also added it say Hans is a social chameleon. hans definitely has no problem making effort to win people heart. it is not one side. with Hans this is all about how he can please people to have what he wants. so we doesn’t exactly  know but some element contradict that behavior

.based on a frozen heart : He doesn’t seems to show his behavior again since what he feels as a young adult in his mind is inferiority not superiority. He wants legitimate compliment not exaggerate compliment he want to have respect and he was going to deal with the fact that his father hates him arendelle was an idea from his brothers lars , hans , him was going to  go to the brotherhood once his father say it.. so Hans can live without praise and admiration. Hans wants all the times to have his father proud of him have his respect trust , the king on the other hand humiliate hans and abuse him and doesn’t even respect him. The relationship between hans and his father is one side on hans part.

Sense of entitlement Because they consider themselves special, narcissists expect favorable treatment as their due. They truly believe that whatever they want, they should get. They also expect the people around them to automatically comply with their every wish and whim. That is their only value. If you don’t anticipate and meet their every need, then you’re useless. And if you have the nerve to defy their will or “selfishly” ask for something in return, prepare yourself for aggression, outrage, or the cold shoulder.

Based on the movie : dont know. all of that are too much interpretation. hans can feel special but also not special , he can think be a king is his right , but he can also want to be king for others reasons. so we just dont know. also again hans dont expect the people around him  to automatically comply with his every wish and whim.

with the information on a frozen heart : Hans has a plan : going to elsa coronation in order to marry her. His reaction , he need to show his father than he can trust him and be responsible. He passed 3 years of his life doing that. Prove himself he is capable to have his trust. in the book it reveal hans dont feel special , he dont expect people to give him a favorable treatment since he is little hans was show that he need to prove himself and that it is never enough. Hans show a opposite behavior he has to prove himself to the whole world , arendelle , his father, his brothers. everything with him is earned and deserve. he needs to work hard 

Exploits others without guilt or shame Narcissists never develop the ability to identify with the feelings of others—to put themselves in other people’s shoes. In other words, they lack empathy. In many ways, they view the people in their lives as objects—there to serve their needs. As a consequence, they don’t think twice about taking advantage of others to achieve their own ends. Sometimes this interpersonal exploitation is malicious, but often it is simply oblivious. Narcissists simply don’t think about how their behavior affects others. And if you point it out, they still won’t truly get it. The only thing they understand is their own needs.

based on the movie : hans do exploit others he exploit anna  !  but he exploit others in order to achieve a plan he makes and prepare.  we dont know how he view people in his life. and if hans exploit others when he doesn’t have a plan in mind and view them as object. the fact that he exploit anna is not enough to say he has the symptoms. also “ the only thing they understand is their own needs” is very uncertain since hans did not exploit arendelle citizens and show to be concern about their needs.

with a frozen heart : Hans did exploit others he exploit anna and elsa for his plan in arendelle and also hide his intention to his father in order to get what he wants. to the coronation. But he doesn’t do it without shame/guilt/empathy since After propose to help his father he show regret ans say to himself what i got myself into. Hans say that anna would be happy to insult him so he knows he has done something bad and can put himself in people’s shoes. He also say how he has never be a murderer. , He show also for a very short time empathy for the the queen who has lost her sister. so he  has a conscience.We also knows hans doesn’t take people as object he show empathy for , his mother , ignore on her birthday ,  his sister in law also ignored by his brother , his horse maybe also , he has a normal relationship with his brothers lars.if he definitely is able to exploit others for his selfish interest but not in the same way narcissist exploit people.  he dont take people as object in his life

.Frequently demeans, intimidates, bullies, or belittles others 

Narcissists feel threatened whenever they encounter someone who appears to have something they lack—especially those who are confident and popular. They’re also threatened by people who don’t kowtow to them or who challenge them in any way. Their defense mechanism is contempt. The only way to neutralize the threat and prop up their own sagging ego is to put those people down. They may do it in a patronizing or dismissive way as if to demonstrate how little the other person means to them. Or they may go on the attack with insults, name-calling, bullying, and threats to force the other person back into line.

based on the movie : we dont know. i read hans bully anna and elsa and act like a bullier ? i dont really get it on the contrary hans is social chameleon he earn the trust of everyone and at the end didn’t bully anna he abandon her ! he definitely intimidate anna  but  the part “frequently” lack we just doesn’t knows.

based on the book : this one is interesting ! because hans do try some time to intimates people to have what he wants and even wants to thank his brothers but he also hates to do that at others part and prefer to be sweet to people , smart and not violent.  he did it with oaken the duke of weselton men  even mock him because of that. hans also say a lot of time that he is not violent he on the contrary try to please people to have what he wants. he offered the man a territory in his kingdom to have them on his side.we also learn that hans is victim of  severe bullying  he hate intimidates people , refuse to fight back dont want to act like his brothers and hates his brothers and how they treat him his brothers frequently dreams, intimidates , bullies , or belittle him.  so if Hans did show at some part tried to intimidates the dignitaries or anna at the end this is not a part of the personality on his everyday life. he used two or three time intimidation as a tool to have what he wants

.conclusion  ; i think we can say based only on the movie :  say Hans  has  narcissist personality disorder is a based on a lot assumption about  his character ,  there is even small some things he did  than contradict some NPD behavior.with the additional information disney give us : hans doesn’t have the disorder he doesn’t have any symptoms. he exploit others but this is because he is an opportunist. there is also vulnerability narcissism who is not grandiose but Hans dont show the symptoms   at all of narcissist. so grandiose or vulnerable this is not really the question. let’s also said that everyone has a level of narcissism because it is a spectrum and apparently too much narcissism is not necessarily a bad thing ( yeah read that somewhere)

[ingayderzim]

not to be that person who asks a googleable question but wtf is hazbin hotel bc i googled it and the only “critical” thing i could find was a typo-ridden article of someone saying it has good animation and its haters are stupid. i was able to glean what it is/what it’s about but idk about the discourse lmao

Im actually so glad u asked this. Here's the lowdown, this is my definitive answer to hazbin shit from here on out, unless new info comes about of course.

Hazbin hotel is an independent cartoon by vivziepop. Most people (that ive seen) have agreed that the pilot of the show really isnt that great but the reason it has so many fans is bc of the entertaining livestreams, massive amounts of canon content produced (she has had these characters for years), unique art style, and the characters. (Ass ugly but unique.)

Its haters are totally justified bc of some of the "controversial" (read: bad) things vivziepop has done. Here's the conclusion that my friends and classmates (several of whom are Black, one Hispanic woman, and one trans woman...nellie if ur reading this i 💜 u) and i came to after discussing this stuff. I am NOT saying "well my black/trans friend said it's ok so i dont have to think about it!" this is based on a few different conversations that my friends and i have had about this topic so what im saying is that my opinion was formed by talking about this situation with multiple people affected by the controversy.

One controversial thing is a drawing u can easily find on google (called beastiality.jpg i believe?) It's a cropped (chest and up, but hes obv naked) drawing of vivziepops character, drawn by vivziepop, moaning, with a snake around him. The character is 17. Many people have interpreted this as child porn. I dont think this image is pornographic, i think it's a stupid joke (it was even tagged as a joke iirc) and completely inappropriate but since it's 8 years old on top of not being porn, i think it's just an example of a dumb drawing. That being said, i would NEVER argue that someone who is uncomfortable w the drawing (im uncomfortable with it! It's gross just not porn) or considers it porn is wrong. They are entitled to that opinion and i would never expose them to vivziepops work or talk about her stuff around them if they expressed to me that they disliked the image.

Another thing is that she drew a doodle of two racist TERFs. This is the one where my friends of color, my friends who are black, and my friends who are trans women took the lead. I sat back for this part and here's their and my opinion on this after talking about it and verbally going through this whole situation.

She was following these women (who had done blackface and stuff) and drew art of them. The art was a "quick doodle" that she did apologize for and she said she didn't realize the extent of their beliefs. She knew they werent great but hadnt consumed much of their content in depth. I believe her bc while ive never followed anyone as bad, ive certainly followed some pieces of shit and didnt notice for months simply bc im not online all the time and bc of the volume of people i follow, combined with the non chronological algorithms lately.

At the risk of screwing myself, im going to admit that there was about a year or so of my life where i enjoyed The Amazing Atheist. I was even subbed to him. I was a nonbinary lesbian (2 things he cant stand lmaoo) in catholic school and therefore i strictly watched his videos about theological stuff since thats what was frustrating me at the time. I had no clue the type of evil racist, transphobic, homophobic (yes ik hes bi), misogynistic things he thought, said, and did, bc i didnt watch those videos. I literally only watched select theological ones that could be of use to me while edgily debating my teachers (sorry mrs macdougal but u had it coming). I was about 15 at the time and im 19 now. Im sorry to everyone i hurt by ever having supported him. I had one of his quotes written in the inside of my religion notebook in high school. I regretted it and ripped the page out the moment i discovered the truth about him. I cant stress enough how much I HATE HIM. Thats an example of what i think happened here tho.

One of my friends who is a trans woman said (paraphrasing) "i think the worst thing shes done is that terf art but i believe the apology especially bc it was a quick drawing."

That being said, i would NEVER argue with someone who wanted nothing to do w vivziepop bc of this. That's their right. 100%. I would never expose them to her work after that.

The last thing i remember is something about a pedophilic couple in a comic but i heard it was a 17 year old and a 19 year old. Im 19 and if one of my peers did that i wouldnt say pedophile but id say ur a fucking weirdo, BUT, the kids were fake and being written by an adult so i can totally see her thinking that age gap is much less of a big deal than it really is. Like she forgot what it's like at this age. Idk how true any of that part is tho, i heard that info entirely secondhand.

Another thing to do with racism is that there's a joke within the show where one character says to the other

"don't get your taco in a twist"

"Was that supposed to be racist or sexist?"

"Whichever one pisses you off more"

I thought that was gross but one of my friends pointed out that vivziepop is of el salvadorian descent so that's her business. Like if i made a lesbian joke of equal or greater offensiveness than that and someone tried to call me lesbophobic over it id be like "that's literally my territory."

Oh speaking of which that character's name is vaggie and shes a lesbian but it's not pronounced w the same G you'd hear in "vagina." Vivziepop seems to name characters weirdly (like how in helluva boss theres a guy named blitzo and the o is silent) so maybe it's a pussy joke but i have no idea.

The animation was.................better than i could do, i wanna say the faces and gestures were good but god i remember there was a part with a car and my gf had to pause so i could laugh my ass off at it. I wouldn't describe the animation as a highlight but i liked the style in motion i thought it was a fun change. Vivziepops style is not appealing imo but i appreciate it as an art student and as someone whose friends all like she ra and steven universe where every character looks the goddamn motherfucking same, and while its chaotic and i dont care for it, the style actually works way better in motion than you'd think.

A good rule that i def use is to assume hazbin fans are guilty until proven innocent. If someone says they dont care about the discourse surrounding it and like it no matter what, RUN! They would support the show even if the creator was in fact a pedophile, or had done the blackface/was a terf herself! They probably support some horrible ppl and are probably "anti antis." A lot of them are minors tho so i'd say block and move on.

So, do i like it or not? Im an art student and all my friends like it so while i didnt think it was funny, i do fuck with it. At the convention this weekend my friends and i had a convo that led to me drawing an ahego hoodie where the faces were angel dust (a character's) face. It was a joke that i could make a killing by selling that in a booth at a con.

Theres really nothing compelling about the show but my friends like it so i join in on their conversations, and i do have a soft spot for angel dust bc he's like a worse, less amazing and gorgeous version of one of my characters, Candy, the love of my life.

A lot of people say the show was edgy/offensive and maybe im just desensitized but besides the taco thing i didnt pick up on that whatsoever??? The Archer episode "Swiss Miss" is worse than helluva boss and hazbin combined and even archer isn't offensive.

Im probably not aware of all the "discourse" (aka people being reasonably uncomfortable by weird and bad shit this random woman has done, and other ppl saying their opinions are wrong when it's literally just an opinion about a show) so if anything she's done isnt included in here it's not to defend vivziepop, this is genuinely all i know. I wouldnt describe myself as a fan of hers.

[demadogs]

I know, i know 😭 (30% anon here). It's not that i think the idea is absurd at all, like you listed so many good things!! I'm just trying to actively lower my own expectations because i'm the type who gets really invested and then consequently really disappointed (though i guess since this is tumblr most of us are that type lmao). I'm just used to shows not following through with subtext, and i'm not only talking about gay subtext, but all different kinds of plots. I hear you though, trust me!

Since i'm already in your inbox, i have a question: have you been around for a while? What's the history of the byler ship? Was it always popular? Did people always think there might be a serious chance or was it more of a crackship? Were there any popular theories that came true or that were completely false? Since i'm super new to the show myself i'm curious!

yeah i totally get it. my brain is just not wired to be able to have lower expectations for something that his this much evidence for. im either 100% confident in something in a show or i have absolutely no idea whats gonna happen lmao.

i only started being active in this fandom a few months ago but ive shipped byler and followed lots of byler blogs for years. people started shipping byler after s2 came out. i didnt see anything about it during s1 because they literally had two scenes together and there was almost nothing really to work with. but when i watched s2 when it first came out i distinctly remember thinking “….is anybody else seeing this?? am i crazy orrr?” and then i went on here and found a small fandom of people who shipped them too so i was like “ok cool nice”. at this point it was mostly gifsets of their scenes together and maybe some edits and we hadnt established whether we were gonna spell it byeler or byler yet lmao. then i found @kaypeace21 and she was the first person i saw ever actually analyze it and really start to believe that everything might be intentional.

before i followed her, i never even considered that they might actually go through with byler. i think that was the case for most people during s2. i shipped it in the same way i currently ship ronance and steveddie. i thought they were cute and had good chemistry but i never believed it would go anywhere because of mlvn and also just the doubt that an insanely popular 80s scifi show would put their main characters in a gay relationship. i still loved reading kaypeace’s analyses but i wasnt convinced yet. then s3 came out and that changed everything for me and a lot of other people.

i watched s3 the day it came out hoping for some crumbs of byler but again, not at all expecting anything evident of them actually going through with it. it was kinda just in the back of my mind bc i love this show mostly for the supernatural plot. but during their fight scene when mike said “its not my fault you dont like girls” i was shocked. that convinced me that at least will would have a crush on mike but i still wasnt sure about mike until that painfully awkward kiss on the last episode. it wasnt until a few months later i rewatched that season and went back to kaypeace and found SO many things that i missed!! mike not letting el touch him when they kissed, the drastic tone and aesthetic difference between the break up and the byler fight, the frame of mike perfectly in a closet when they kissed!! i was completely sold then and so were a lot of people. i also think it was around this time that finn liked some byler art that had the quote “im not gonna fall in love” on it so that made a lot of people like 👀.

then everything the cast and duffers have said leading up to volume one only increased my confidence. i went into volume one completely expecting more obvious queer coding and i was right to. i was already overly confident but the biggest thing from volume one that made me more confident wasnt even a byler scene, it was mike and el’s fight. im glad they had her explicitly call him out for not saying he loves her. they kinda had to spell it out for the general audience. that was a really good scene and the fact that they played eulogy over it!!!?? insane. i lost my mind when i watched that episode a second time and realized that. that is 10000% intentional and the only explanation could be that that fight was the death of their relationship.

anywho yeah ive shipped them almost since the beginning and its been so fun slowly realizing that theyre actually going to do this and watching it build up and seeing the general audience start to catch on. it added a whole other layer to a show that already would have been my favorite either way just because of the plot alone.

[maitlands-protection-squad]

please post more fluffy and blushy and giggly maitland headcanons-you’re doing the lord’s work

Hi there anon friend!!! I’m here to PROVIDE!

Lord’s work???!? I really just love the Maitlands. I’m not anyone special like that please don’t give me that level of pressure I’ll cry ; w;

I know Halloween passed already but I still wanted to include a few spooky headcanons for what I think happens post-movie (as always with some Musical inspiration mixed in)

the Maitlands are only visible to people inside the house

though they tend to hide in the attic whenever guests are over, they make themselves known to everyone nonetheless because Lydia loves seeing her parents and the guests’ expressions and they like feeling a lil spoopy now and then

rumors go around that Lydia aka the weird goth chick brought back the spirits of the Maitlands in an attempt to replace her dad and step-mom with them. the kids around town hear Lydia talking about them sometimes with her actual parents and they always freak when she does

literally the whole town is concerned as to how Lydia the weird goth girl knows about the recently deceased couple that once owned their current home but are too afraid to ask

when Halloween rolls around, Lydia asks the Maitlands to put on their ghost sheets to give out candy to the kids. ofc since none of the kids enter the house, all they see are two sheets mysteriously floating around the house and everyone freaks out. some concerned parents ask for Charles and Delia but bc Lydia doesn’t want her dad learning about what’s going on she tries so hard to convince everyone it’s just props. DONT WORRY EVERYONE ITS JUST REALLY ELABORATE MOVIE MAGIC AT WORK HAHA

Adam is a soft, lovable baby that used to live with two dogs of polar opposite sizes and loved them both equally. one was a massive dog practically the same size as him on its hind legs and the other was a smol nervous chihuahua

he also made friends with a lot of the neighborhood squirrels & birds

Adam is basically the Disney princess of Winter Rivers

Barbara is enthralled when she sees him magically produce peanuts from thin air to give to a squirrel that hopped on his shoulder

the Maitland house is a no-kill zone for animals

the Deetzes learn this very quickly after Delia finds a few rodents in the basement and the resident ghosts refuse to allow them to be killed

Adam teaches Lydia some of his tricks on how to speak to the animals and despite being told it’s to help be rid of the rats, Charles does not approve

the Deetz family knows how deeply protective the Maitlands become once they get attached to a living creature so Lydia and Charles rush to get any and all critters out while Delia distracts them before chaos ensues

Lydia gets all the leftover love and affection and loves it but she doesn’t always say she does because then Barbara will provide EXCESS LOVE and Adam and Delia will join and too much love makes things EMOTIONAL but sometimes it’s GOOD TO CRY LYDIA JUST ACCEPT IT ITS HEALTHY

Adam. Maitland. Loves. His. Wife. and if you are not nice to his W I F E you will not be spoken to ever again what do you think he’s gonna do??? do you even know Adam Maitland???? that’s a man who can’t even frighten a fly. do you think he’d hurt you? are you okay? do the Maitlands need to come hug you too???

BY THE WAY, in my spare time which I definitely have a lot of I MAY HAVE come up with a Maitlands child because I am VERY WEAK for these two and I JUST CAN OKAY

the child is named Charlie

can be any pronouns. I personally choose she/they but I like leaving it open to interpretation

Charlie lovessssssss exploring and going on adventures

it’s very hard to contain Charlie once they learn how to crawl/walk because they are so full of energyyy

their favorite thing to do is ask their dad to pick them up because he never says no and they like feeling tall (yes this is a That 70′s show reference)

when teaching Charlie their ABCs, Barbara came up with the idea of “A is for Adam, B is for Barbara, and C is for Charlie Maitland!”

from then on the Maitlands are referred to as the ABC family, the ABCs, ABC Maitlands, the Alphabets, etc.

Charlie is the hide and seek champion of the house to the point where her parents are concerned as to how she’s hiding so well. they still don’t know her secret to this day

when Charlie meets the Deetz family, Lydia immediately becomes Cool Goth Big Sister

Delia is second mom/silly god mom with all the cool rocks and sparkly clothes

Charlie is convinced Delia is a fairy and Delia loves it because that makes her Charlie’s Fairy God Mother

“D is for Deetz! ABC and the Deetz!” -Charlie at some point after she just met them all

Charlie attempts periodic bonding sessions with Charles whenever they’re in the same room

because they have similar names, Charlie refers to him as Grumpy Me or Grumpy Charlie

Charles secretly adores them and at this point just pretends to be grumpy because it makes Charlie laugh. he knows when to crack funny jokes versus when to actually be serious with them

when Lydia babysits Charlie, they always go out for walks through Winter Rivers together

Lydia always takes pics of things Charlie finds and they keep a scrapbook/photo album of all the Polaroids and neat things they decide to keep

Charlie is very imaginative and comes up with dozens of wild ideas as to where all the stuff comes from

one day they find a birds nest with a momma and her babies in it and Charlie asks Lydia where babies come from

Lydia panics and says that’s a question for their parents to answer

Adam and Barbara freak out when Charlie comes to them with that question and Adam’s scooping them up into his arms and saying “no no not until your older okay??? that’s not something you need to learn about yet!!” meanwhile Barbara’s holding back screams as Lydia explains why the topic came up

whenever Charlie gets in trouble or knows she’s gonna get into trouble, she hides in an easy to find location like under her bed and her parents always console her and tell her it’s okay to make mistakes because you’re only human and making mistakes helps you grow, especially when you admit to them

they’re always proud to hear the teachers’ compliments on how honest Charlie is, even if sometimes it’s a bit blunt

Charlie’s favorite movies are Road to El Dorado, Inside Out, and the Toy Story series

though like their parents, Charlie loves animals, they are scared of spiders because they swear one bit them

in reality some kids were throwing pebbles at a spider web and one of them scratched her leg but she cannot be unconvinced of THE TRUTH

I think that’s all I have for now??? I MOSTLY COULDN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT A MAITLANDS KID OKAY I WANT TO GIVE THE GHOST PARENTS A HAPPY ENDING WITH THEIR CHILD PLEASE I CRY THEY DESERVE SO MUCH

ahem thank you anon friend for allowing me to pour all these ideas out to you :) hope you like them!!!

[leelee10898]

Fast cars & Freedom: ShadowBoxer (4/?)

Summary: Ellie gets blast from the past. Logan amd Ellie have thsor dinner, but will it go well?

Pairing: Logan-x-Ellie, Colt x Ellie

Rating: Mature

Song inspiration:

Ellie paid the driver and got out, her eyes taking in the familiar sights.  It had been a long time but she would always remember this street. She turned around slowly noticing her destination, a sign that read TC Automotive where Kaneko Auto Body used to be. New owners  she thought to herself as she took a deep breath.

********

Ellie sat in the in the booth of the diner somewhere in Eastern California, the events of the past few weeks playing over and over in her head. She had ditched her prom dress grabbing a change of  clothes at Riyas. Colt stopping and buying something quickly. “Were gonna get through this Ellie, don't worry.” He placed a reassuring kiss on her forehead, she rest her head on his shoulder. “How can you know that colt?  These people are unhinged, we could be dead tomorrow. I want to live Colt. I'm not ready to die” she sniffled.

Colt knew this was eating her up, he needed to find some kind of a distraction, anything to make her happy, to take away all the fear and pain. He needed her to be happy, it was as if he survived on it.  He looked around the small diner, a guy sitting at the counter, his shirt reading viva las Vegas. “Have you ever been to Vegas?” she lifted her head “What? With everything going on you're seriously asking me if i've been to Vegas?”

She walked into the shop, not seeing anybody around, nobody manning the desk, nobody anywhere. “Hello?” she yelled as she walked around. She looked at the desk some papers strewn about, some car parts. The place reminded her of Kaneko's garage,  the new owners obviously rebuilt it a bit more modern but appreciated the older feel of a garage. Her eyes landed on a postcard from Vegas. Her mind taking her back to a night that she would remember the rest of her life.

“Ah yeah, I am. So have you?” he smirked, he loved seeing her get railed up, it was cute the way she scrunched her nose up. “NO!”

“ok, it's settled. Were going.” he jumped up reaching for her hand. She grabbed it as they climbed on his bike. “Where are we going colt?” She asked as she put on her helmet.  “Vegas.” he smirked as he shut his helmet kicking his bike to life.

******

“sorry miss. How can i help you.” she turned towards the voice. “Oh just picking up my car.”

A huge smile formed on her face. “Toby?”

“Oh my god. Ellie belly is that you? You're all grown up.” he ran lifting her up into a spinning hug. “oh my  god hold on x is gonna get a kick out of this.” he ran towards the hall “Hey X. X, come here. You're never gonna believe whos here.” ximena came out a huge smile plastered on her face. “oh my god sweetheart, how the hell are ya?” she pulled her into a crushing hug. “Eck. X. Crushing. Me.” she grunted as ximena let her down. “I'm not sorry, it's been too long honey.”

They stood there talking about Ellie moving back. Toby and ximena travelling together, coming back this way once they heard someone opened a shop in the same place, and ended up working there again. Toby went to look for her keys and couldnt find them. “Hold on, I bet the boss has them.” “Hey boss, can you bring the keys to that Honda?” she heard someone shuffling around in a room off the back before emerging. Toby and ximena said they would catch up with her later.

“ C- Colt!” Ellies heart dropped in her stomach as she came face to face with him. After 6 years the sight of him still lit a fire in her. “Here are your keys miss. You should be good to go. Also, you should probably get a new car seat those may not be safe after an accident.” He kept his face fixed on the paper in front of him. Ellie felt the tears start to well up in her eyes. He couldn't even look at her and acted like he didn't know her.  “Th. Thank you.” her voice trembled, immediately irritating her. Why should she be upset, he's the one who left without saying goodbye.

She snatched the keys out of his hand and storming off to the lot to get her dad's car. How dare him, after 6 years he still had the power to make her swoon to pissed in a matter of seconds. She marched out to the lot getting in her dad's car. She let out a long irritated scream,  all of her frustrations boiling over. She turned the key, the car roaring to life. Something in her snapped as she peeled wheels out of the lot. She caught a glance at colt propped against an open bay door.

She couldn't understand how someone she hadn't seen in 6 years could piss her off so bad. She took the long way home, hoping to calm down before getting there. She arrived home, Luca barreling towards the door. “mommmmmy.” All of Ellie's frustrations and fears instantly melting away upon seeing that sweet smiling face. “Hi baby. Oooh I missed my sweet girl. Did you have fun with grampy today?” she lifted her up, wrapping her in a hug.

“Yup. We went to the park. Grampy made a friend. Her name is sally.” ellie eyed her dad. “He did?”

“uh huh, they are going to have dinner on Saturday night.”

“Ooooh kay. That's enough of that little miss loose lips. How about you go watch some tv while grampy helps mommy with dinner.”

Luca jumped up and down with excitement before running into the living room.

“How was your day?” He asked Changing the topic. “Nope. Na ah. Were starting with you. You taking my daughter to pick up chicks?” she eyed her father.

“what? No. I would never, ellie.” she chuckled “Dad im just playing with you. I think it's great you have a date.” she hugged him. She knew he hadn't really dated much since her mom died, and the fact he felt comfortable going on a date now made her so happy.

“Speaking of dated. I have one tomorrow night.” her father looked at her confused.  “With who?”

“Logan.”

She spent the entire work day thinking about her dinner with Logan. Was it a date? Was it business? Whatever it was she felt the butterflies in her stomach, no matter what happened she knew one thing for certain she was telling him tonight.

She raced home getting ready in a hurry, Riya picked Luca up since her father had card night with some of his old police buddies. She wore a white and champagne colored v neck midi dress. She tacked her hair up in a braided updo, she looked in the mirror her nerves getting the best of her when she heard a knock at the door.

Logan stood on the other side, Ellie stood there a minute admiring the man before her. He had sure grown up, still with that toned body but he was bigger than before. He wore a pair of khakis and a button down shirt. “You look beautiful Ellie.” He finally broke the silence. “Ah. Beautiful you too look.” he cocked his brow amused by how flustered he made her. “I mean, you look nice too Logan.”

“These are for you.” He held out a bouquet of wild flowers as She let him inside. “Thank you. These are beautiful. Let me go get a vase.” she came back quickly and they headed out for dinner.

They sat at the table sharing stories of the past, and laughing.  She missed how easy it was with Logan. They were headed somewhere she had thought and then she found out he used her to get information about her father's investigation.  She had already had feelings for Colt, but she would be lying if she said that didn't play a factor in them becoming even stronger.

A silence settled over the table and Ellie took her chance to try and back out of becoming his accountant. “Logan. We need to talk about me being your accountant. I dont think its a good idea.”

“Ellie, we have been over this time and time again. I trust you, besides it's a done deal.” Logan casually sipped his beer.

“You might not feel that way after you hear what I have to tell you.” He arched his brow.

“ok El, what is going on?”

She shook her head “not here, can we go?” He grabbed the check, paid and the valet brought his car around.

They drove to a parking lot, Ellies nerves a wreck. “Ok, whats up Ellie. You know whatever it is,  you can just tell me.”

She took a deep breath, it was now or never. “Logan I am a mom. I. I have a daughter.”

“Oh.” His eyes widened at her confession. “So you have a kid. I don't see what's so bad about that Ellie.” he chuckled.

“That's not the bad part.” she started to fidget in her seat. “Her. Her name is Luca. shes. She's 5.”  Logan sat there Quiet. She could see him doing the calculations in his head. “Logan?” she spoke softly, she couldn't take all the silence.

“Five? You were in college then. Did you meet someone there?” She shook her head no. He swallowed hard, his throat becoming dry. “What.  What are you saying, is. Is she mine?”

The tears started to spill, silently. “Im, not sure if she's yours or Colts.” She hung her head ashamed. “I'm so. So sorry Logan. “ she said through sobs. After 6 years of being alone, raising her daughter alone she finally was one step closer to finding Lucas dad.

“Hey. Hey. Don't cry Ellie.” He wrapped his arms around her tightly.  

“How can you be so calm? I just told you there is a possibility you have a child.”

“I know. I'm not going to lie Ellie, I am kind of freaking out. But what good is it going to do if I flip out?”  he took a deep breath “You did it on your own?”

Ellie told him about finding out in school and trying to get in touch with both him and colt, both numbers disconnected. She had her dad look for them, but turned nothing up. Eventually she just resolved herself to raising Luca alone. Logan apologised, he left town for a little while, he came back once the brotherhood was dismantled completely. It was then he enrolled in night school and took a job with a racing company.  They drove back to her house in silence. Logan leaned over giving her a hug. “It's gonna be ok El, we will figure it out. Can I.” He cut himself off, hesitant to finish.

“Can you what Logan?”

“Do you think I could meet her?” Ellie stared at him shocked “Ah. Well. I think that is ok. But, and don't take this the wrong way but.  I don't want to tell her you may be her dad. Not until we know for sure.” Logan nodded “I'll follow your lead. It's gonna be ok Ellie, no matter what,  i'm here for you.” he wrapped her in a tight hug, placing a soft kiss in her cheek.

She got out of the car, waving as he drove off. She turned to head to her house when she caught sight of someone standing across the street. “Really Ellie, him? Of all people why him?”

“Not that I have to explain anything to you but, it was a business dinner.” She snapped. “what do you want colt?”

“What do I want? It's been 6 years and you show up in town like nothings wrong.” He followed her up the walkway.  

“Oh, so you do know me? Because yesterday you couldn't even look at me.” She seethed, turning to face him.

“Oh I know you alright.” he snorted.  “ how could I ever forget you Mrs. Kneko?”

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ROD

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[fourthwingingit]

Two

Edit: tumblr didnt post my edits from my original post (like you know when you save something as a draft and go oh wait there are some errors like no header and awkward phrasing lemme fix them) so im gonna repost this eventually but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Edit 2: tumblr sucks and never lets me put the thing so... This is for the anon who requested a fic of touch starved clark and conner with the prompts 'nobodys ever done that to me before' and 'i just want to be held' sorry it got angstier then i ment it to.... hope you like hurt comfort

Clark hovered awkwardly outside the door to conners room. He was nervous about seeing the teen with everything between them and what he wanted to ask him.

He took a breath. Conner almost certainly knew he was there already. But that didnt matter.

Ma always said that manners matter

He knocked.

From inside came a muffled, annoyed, and clipped

"What is it clark?"

Taking that as the best invitation he was going to get he opened the door and went in.

He looked at conner. The kid was on his bed, facedown on top of the covers like an angsty teen in a movie.

Clark thought he looked too small for the position he was in. Like he was waiting for some blow that was going to take a part of him with it to land... or like it already had and he was cradling a hole

Clark shook off the disturbing thought and steeled himself. He swiftly walked to Conner's bedside, and said, eloquently,

"Well. I... you see...... uh... lois- i mean to say..... uhh"

Lord this was already going to hell in a handbasket.

Conner turned his head enough to raise one eyebrow

"What the hell was that?"

He sat down a respectful distance away (as far away as he could) and tried again

"Hmm... you see i uhh- hmm you know how uhh.... things umm. Sometimes.... uhh"

Conner slowly turned his head the rest of the way to clark, confusion now written in every line in his body. great.

Clarks back bowed fast. Like his head gained 20 pounds in a half a second, his arms planted themselves on his knees and he gave up trying... he'd try again some other day. Maybe tomorrow. Or maybe lois should do it.... Kal-el you coward.

"I... i dont know, ive got nothing."

But now he was scrambling, he needed a reason for being here. And what came out was;

"Ma told me shes uhh, seen you acting in a... less than..... ideal...... kind of.... way.?"

"Wow."

"No yeah i heard it"

"That was some next level awkward," and there was some distinct venom in that voice shoot. "if its that hard to be around me then you can find the door. I certainly dont need your pity handouts anyway."

Well.... shit

"No thats not.... im.... i wanted to ask- uh... whats been bothering you..... sport."

He now had what bruces kids called The Awkward White Man Smile... great.

Suprisingly, Conner chuckled.

Maybe a small part of Clark's brain said its not hopeless?

"Right now? Your social skills."

Banter! He hung around batman! He could do banter.

"Aww man and here i was thinking i was handing out winning lines."

"Oh no, youve gone senile a little early, well... maybe not early... good thing you've got Kara."

There was a small smirk playing at conners lips and an actual opportunity. God was real and he loved Clark Kent.

"At least I know I have two good boys to pick me up after im down." He looked away fast.

Silence stretched on

.......

Awkwardly

Oh lord he messed up the moment

He presumed too much and their only friendly interaction in over a month is ruined

"Two?"

The voice Conner used was so painfully soft and small. Like it didnt dare to hope anymore and had stopped trying a long time ago.

Clark never was good at leaving voices like that alone. And he was always more comfortable when something needed doing anyways.

Superman courage steadied him enough to take a risk.

He reached out his hand, and ruffled Conner's hair, trailing his fingers down after to rest on the shoulder closest to him and said.

"I have two kids dont i?"

More silence

Conner was frozen beneath his fingertips

He panicked

Oh god

He had fucked it up

He had fucked up enough times that conner didn't want anything to do with him

Okay damage control

"That is...." Conner stiffened further "if i haven't been so horrible to my eldist that he doesnt want anything to do with me"

The silence was now so deep he could hear the dust motes brushing against everything

He heard a tiny sniffle

And then he telltale sound of tears hitting bedsheets.

His head whipped around, his glasses flew off somewhere into the room. He barely noticed.

Shocked, he started to speak but Conner cut him off before he could finish the first syllable.

"You know when i was in Hawaii i used to watch families. Specifically parents and children. I'd be so jealous of-"

Conner cut himself off.

"Nobody's ever- i mean...... parents do that to their kids.... the hair touching thing.... Nobody's ever-" his voice broke, he cleared it. "Nobody's ever even tried to touch my hair if we werent kissing."

He gave a pitiful, watery laugh and, after a breif, stunned, pause, started rambling about how "of course i get it cut, like, the barber touches it and stuff..."

And it all hit clark.

Somehow it had never occured to Clark, that even though Conner looked like he was so much older than Jon, he wasnt.

He wondered who raised him

Who fed him

Who hugged him through nightmares

Clarks heart broke

Because he was certain the answer to most of those kinds of questions was 'Conner' and none of them were "Kal-el" or "Clark Kent"

Clark turned a bit and ran his hand over Conner's back softly, cutting off his rambling and said in a voice that was somehoe warm but still felt guilty and mourning;

"What do you want? What can I do?"

Conner was stunned. Kal had never given him anything like this. So he kept talking to give his brain time to catch up.

"I don.... i- i used to watch families... in- in Hawaii, and I'd get jealous of the kids, that they got to have families. Got to have parents. I dont..."

Clark turned a little to properly face his son and grabbed his hand.

"What can i do Conner?"

One day ago Conner would have asked for a lot. To never see Kal again, the superman title, his spot in the JL, even some time with Jon. But now?

Conner shifted, he sat up as best he could. And guided Kals hand to the side of his face, through tear tracks, held it there for a second, and then slid it into his hair. All thr while leaning into it like it was the only support he needed.

"I just want to be held.... without expectations..... without titles or rules or anything in return."

Connor wouldnt meet his eyes, or look up from the bedspread during his request.

For the second time that day Clark's heart broke. But now he had something he could do.

He reached out with his other hand, guiding his son into his arms, and gently layed them down

He kept one hand on the back of Conner's head, stroking the strands there. And one hand on Conner's back slowly moving back and forth.

From the first point of contact, Conner's world narrowed to the hand Kal had put on him. And now, there was more. Now he was allowed to reach out. He wanted to get closer. To bury his face in Kals chest and curl up small. To let the world fall away around them. Until nothing existed but them. Holding each other forever.

Kal seemed to read his mind, and guided his head to tuck itself under his chin and pressed them closer together.

No promises, no strings, no obligations after.

He could leave whenever he wanted.

He wanted to stay forever.

Conner wondered breifly what was like to be held by a father. If it felt as nice as this. Like everything crashed in on him, but it was okay.

Maybe, he thought.

They had a maybe.

And this maybe was a lot of ground to stand on.