#🩹;aizawa | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

edens-melodies · 3 years ago

Text

- happier than ever (3.8k)

warnings: none! (pt.1)

crisp autumn air fills your lungs with a lightness that can only come from the changing of seasons, a content smile on your lips as you bask in the sunlight.

the early afternoon rays caress your chilled flesh as you sit on the oddly comfortable park bench, small box of fresh pastries tempting your nose with their buttery scent while a large apple cider nestled between your gloved hands, iced of course.

the park was lively as ever, joggers passing you by frequently while screaming children ran through the grass.

your gaze softened as you peered at smiling parents watching on with fond eyes as the future of tomorrow crunched the vibrant leaves underneath their feet, giggling in delight.

the future. you smiled to yourself as your gaze shifted from the endearing sight of prospering families in front of you to the humbling beauty of the blue skies above, not a single cloud in sight. the future, huh?

the concept of the future has always been a sensitive subject for you.

the future in your eyes was never certain, and the thought of it used to leave you squirming in uncomfortable silence, strained smile silently begging whoever had asked to change topics.

the future was uncertain because in all honesty, you weren’t able to think far enough into it to see what could potentially unfold; in all honesty, you feared it.

no matter how many times you’ve tried to put it into words, the rough but comforting hand of your therapist silently encouraging you to continue, you have never been able to fully explain the grand scheme of your fear.

to be fair, even now, the thought of putting every little reason as to why you dreaded waking up in the morning, why every time an attractive stranger offers you a kind smile sends you into an anxious mess.

why every time you saw yourself in the mirror the only emotion you could garner was disappoint and disgust, makes you tired before even opening your mouth.

a soft breeze picks up from the east, blowing the chilled air across your face and making you smile softly as your lips pull up from the frown you had unconsciously put on while thinking too deep.

with a soft sigh, you snuggle a little deeper into the soft cashmere scarf, the beige fabric smelling like your home, but with the faint undertones of grapefruit, jasmine, and musk.

at the hidden notes of a scent that didn’t belong to you permeated your senses, you couldn’t help but smile wider, a warmth unlike any other filling your chest.

yes, the future terrified you. it shook you to the core whenever the cursed question of ‘what do you plan on doing for the rest of your life?’ is asked, but that was before. back then, you had every reason to be afraid.

but now? now you had no reason to be afraid of the glittering promise of a happily ever after, especially when the cause of it is now no more than the remnants of a memory— the slightest taste of something once sweet now bitter on your tongue.

a ghost of the past— no more, no less.

time seemed to freeze the moment those words left soft lips, hanging in the summer air as strangers continued to walk past you, unaware of the energy churning like waves between you and the man in front of you.

“who are you?”

aizawa’s mouth was parted in shock, onyx eyes wide in disbelief. you watched as he searched your face for any sign that you were joking, that this was all just a petty attempt to get back at him.

if you were joking, that means there was still a chance for him— that there was still a chance to make you his again.

but to his horror, he couldn’t find a single trace of it in your clear (e/c) eyes.

“what?”

emi tore her eyes from your glowing figure, snapping her mouth shut as she whipped her head back to look at aizawa. there was no way that he was seriously planning on dragging this out—

she might as well have left her mouth open because it dropped right back down when she saw the sheer look of heartbreak dancing across his face.

the slight sheen that had been swimming in his eyes from the moment he laid his gaze on you again for the first time in years erupted into a fountain, distraught clear as day on his features.

“w-what do you mean… y-you don’t- what?!” he blubbered, hands coming up by his face as if he were about to begin pulling at his hair.

emi watched as (y/n) took a cautious step back, seeing the wariness on her face as she watched this strange man show the early signs of hyperventilating in the middle of the sidewalk.

as much as emi wanted to record this because she felt that this justice was long overdue, the whisperings of the crowd beginning to form decided for her that it was time to go.

you startled slightly when a familiar cold hand enveloped your palm, cheeks lightly flushing when she intertwined your fingers to begin pulling you forward again. “c’mon (n/n), we gotta get going before things get ugly.” emi whispered urgently as she continued to pull you down the street.

“who was that?” you questioned, brows furrowed in confusion as you tried to recall why that man seemed so familiar, but all that came up was an empty white canvas.

emi didn’t answer you, her whole body turned forward as she continued to try and tug you down the street before aizawa could cause an even bigger scene.

but due to their many years apart, she underestimated the lengths this man would go to try and salvage what was no longer his.

“i’m your boyfriend!”

your body froze in place as your eyes widened, stopping emi in her process of escape as your body rooted to the ground where you stood.

a heavy sigh left her lips as she brought a free hand up to roughly scrub at her face in exasperation, not caring if she was destroying her makeup in the process.

things are never easy when it comes to you, huh shouta?

aizawa stared at your frozen figure on the sidewalk, feeling lightyears away from you when you were only ten feet in front of him.

with a heart that was pounding in his chest so heavily it grew painful, he watched as you turned around in wonder, eyes searching his for something he couldn’t decipher.

“w-well, i was your boyfriend, but…” he trailed off as you continued to gaze deeply into his eyes.

hope blossomed in his chest so violently it was a little embarrassing, but his lips turned up into a wobbly smile as you began to slowly make your way back to him, hand still clasped tightly in emi’s hand.

aizawa blanched when he saw the murderous glare that emi was giving him, but his attention was immediately back on you when you finally stood before him again. he gazed lovingly at you, soaking up the wide eyes that he used to spend hours staring into in the comforts of the night when the days were long and hard.

“we used to be together?” you asked carefully, still trying to dredge up even the tiniest amount of familiarity in his eyes.

aizawa shuttered when you brought up your left hand to gently trace his face, fingertips gliding down a path they’ve painted onto his skin multiple times before.

“yeah, we were…” he left off softly, relishing in your touch as emi was practically ready to combust as she saw you gaze over this man in wonder.

emi wasn’t stupid— she had been with the company for too long to know that you truly didn’t recognize to sole reason of your decades long torment.

but a small voice whispered her worst fears in the back of her mind; just because you didn’t recognize didn’t mean you couldn’t fall back in love with him.

she didn’t want to admit that her fear had cause of concern, but the amount of times she’s had returning men and women come into her office with tear stricken faces as they beg her to wipe them again after falling into the same trap again.

a wave of nausea rolled over her in a heavy wave, and a fire was lit in her mind.

she won’t let you be taken advantage of, not again. emi can recall every moment over the course of two decades that she has been by your side, every time she helped you back on your feet when the world decided to test how much your kind heart could take before it shattered for the final time.

angry tears began to burn behind her eyes as she recalled the worst fear she ever felt in her life, voice caught in her throat when she found you in the bathroom the summer that they graduated.

the amount of tears that dripped onto your face as she held you in her arms, clothes destroyed from your blood as she waited for the ambulance to reach you in time.

the sudden realization that she could’ve lost you back then has never left her mind since, and she’ll be damned if she just sits back and watches you walk right back into the fox den without intervening.

next to her, you continue to trace aizawa’s face in awe as you took in his features. deep black eyes stared at you in wonder, chapped full pink lips slightly gaped as another shiver lightly racked through his body.

long, thick onyx hair swayed elegantly behind him, pulled into a high ponytail save for a couple of strands that swung tastefully in his face.

strong, lithe arms raised a shaking hand to cover your own against his cheek, cradling it against his cheek as he gazed at you with silent hope in his eyes, pleading you to remember him.

aizawa wasn’t stupid. he knew that he should’ve reached out sooner. he knew that falling under the temptations that nemuri had casted over his mind the moment you had left to attend classes in the summer was stupid and wrong.

but he was a young boy, and his mind was weak.

seeing your figure in the hallways was like watching a shadow dancing along the walls. your fire had been dimmed, an empty look in your eyes as you lied to everyone around you, saying that you were okay and that you’d get over it. but he knew you better than anyone, even emi.

at least, he used to.

he knew that the larger clothes were to hide your once full frame becoming a shell of its former self, the concealer under your eyes never enough to hide the bags from his observant gaze.

but fear kept him from reaching out, fear of you rejecting him, fear of the repercussions from your family and friends that truly knew what had happened.

so he stayed away, heart kept locked by nemuri when he knew you were the one. but when he heard the news of what you had done to yourself after graduation, all he remembers is speeding well beyond the speed limit to the hospital you were admitted to, thanking his lucky stars that he wasn’t pulled over.

with tears streaming down his pale face, he raced through the halls toward your room, the fear of god pounding in his chest as his heart was trying to climb up his throat.

your room was only ten feet ahead of him when he was stooped in his tracks by a dark eyed emi, her clothes still stained with your blood as the fire in her gaze reached a fever pitch.

“YOU DON’T GET THE RIGHT TO BE NEAR HER!” she had screamed at him, grabbing him by the loose collar of his shirt as she shook him.

there were no words that could’ve left him as he let her tear into him, his own tears continuously falling as hers began to stream down her grief stricken face.

“THIS WAS ALL OF YOUR FAULT, AND NOW THAT SHE’S IN PIECES YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO WALTZ BACK INTO HER LIFE LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED?” security guards and nurses rushed to pull her off of him, but their frantic words were like static in his ears as he couldn’t look away from the fire in her eyes.

“YOU’VE ALREADY LOST HER, YOU DON’T GET HER BACK!”

you don’t get her back.

after that day, you had basically disappeared from his life. your phone number was changed, your social medias disappeared.

when he stopped by your house a couple of months after you had been discharged, a confused young couple answered the door and said that your family had moved a little over a month ago. where? they didn’t know.

but now you’re here, in front of his eyes for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. but something deep down tells him that even though he can see your chest rising with each steady breath, can feel your heartbeat under your skin, proof you were alive;

this will be the closest he’ll ever get again.

venom was on the tip of emi’s tongue, ready to unleash everything she’s wanted to say to aizawa since the last time she saw him in that hospital, but a gentle squeeze to her hand stopped her.

she hadn’t even realize she had tightened her grip on you in her anger until she relaxed her fingers, growing soft in your hold.

wondering eyes shifted sideways at you, taking in the gentle smile on your lips as an apologetic emotion swam in your gaze, never leaving your hold on aizawa in front of you.

when emi switched her gaze to the man in question, she realized she never had a thing to worry about.

you had always known how to take care of yourself, no matter how much you got hurt in the end.

fat tears were streaming down fair cheeks as aizawa smiled painfully back to you, his grip on your hand tightening a fraction as he leaned into your touch as much as possible, resignation clear as day in his gaze.

she watched as he closed his eyes, the tears still falling as he reveled in your caress, taking in your scent for the last time. as much as she wanted to deny it, a twinge of sympathy shot through her for the man in front of her as he realized that he really had been late, years too late.

“you’re really handsome, you know that?” you murmured, thumb gently caressing his cheek as you smiled kindly at him, paying no mind to the choked sob that escaped his lips before he could muffle it.

“you’re absolutely ethereal.” he managed to choke out softly, eyes still closed as he gave you another watery smile. a soft laugh left through your nose.

when aizawa opened his eyes, he vowed to forever engrain the shape of your face when you smiled into his memory until the day he died.

“thank you.” you replied, smile still kind. “and i believe you that somewhere in the past, we were once together because something about you just feels… right.”

another sob wracked through his body, only quelling slightly when you cooed at him in comfort.

“don’t cry sweetheart,” you murmured softly, watching as he opened his eyes to stare at you like you hung the moon and stars just for him. “maybe in another lifetime we’ll find each other again.” you patted his cheek affectionately.

“but not this one.” you gently squeezed emi’s hand, and another warm feeling flooded in your chest when she squeezed you back tighter, fingers never letting you go.

aizawa nodded his head, slowly releasing your hand as you gently pulled away from him, smile still on your lips. “i’m glad i got to meet you again…” you trailed off, still not knowing the name of the beautiful man crying in front of you.

“shouta.” he supplied weakly, hand that was cradling yours now wiping the tears off his face as they finally began to slow down, but never stopped.

“shouta.” you repeated, his name ringing like chimes in the air as you tested it out. “i like that name.”

aizawa clenched his eyes shut again in an attempt to stave off the tears threatening to come back, and when he opened them again, you were already walking away.

you turned a final time to him, to the man who unknowingly used to hold your heart in the palms of his hands, and smiled.

“i hope we’ll meet again.”

that was three years ago. and to everyone’s genuine surprise, you did meet with shouta again. not as lovers, not as enemies, but as friends. you learned what he was to you in the past and what he had done, but even to his surprise, you choose to forgive him.

“why be angry over something that is no longer chained to me?” you had replied to emi one early morning a couple of months after your encounter.

you were in the kitchen making breakfast and she sat by the table, still clad in her pajamas.

she stared at you in disbelief, strawberry jam sitting on the corner of her mouth as she held her coffee cup in mid sip, english muffin forgotten on her plate.

“but so you’re just gonna completely bypass everything he did to you? he’s the reason you had to get the procedure in the first place!” she exclaimed in exasperation, brows furrowed as she aggressively sipped her coffee.

you hummed in agreement as you looked at her from the stove, clear (e/c) eyes swimming in amusement and affection. “that’s true,” you admitted, turning your gaze back to the food before you could see the heat that had erupted onto her pale flesh from your gaze.

“but you saw him, and the pain in his eyes. he’s suffering for the rest of his life now for the actions he caused, actions that no longer hurt me like you said they did.”

you turned the stove off as you piled fluffy eggs and seared salted salmon onto two plates before making your way to the dining table.

the heat in her cheeks came back with a vengeance as you sat her breakfast in front of her, a cheeky smile on your full lips as you swiped the jam from her skin.

emi swore you would be the death of her as you booped her nose with your index finger, a laugh escaping with your next words.

“besides, i can finally have my happy end, right?”

you were knocked from your deep thoughts by another body sitting down next to you, thighs pressed right up to yours as an arm was slung around your shoulders to bring you in close with a side hug.

the small smile on your lips bloomed into a full grin as the familiar scent of grapefruit, jasmine, and musk invaded your senses completely now, no longer a lingering scent in the fabric wrapped snuggled around your neck.

“took you long enough.” you teased lightly, eyes warm and soft as they settled onto the familiar sight of emi, bundled up in a jacket and scarf a bit thicker than yours. she had always been more sensitive to cold weather than you.

a light laugh escaped her as she turned sideways to fully take you in, watching with fond eyes as you mirrored her stance at the same time. “you know as much as i do that i can’t control how long an appointment takes. if i could rush them, i would.”

you took a sip of your apple cider, pulling your scarf down to reach the straw at the same time you reached the box of pastries to your left.

bringing it up without breaking contact with your straw, you saw her eyes widen in surprise then delight as she excitedly took the box from your gloved hands.

“you made pastries again?! for me??” she gasped, eyes sparkling. you finally broke away from your drink, a smug smile on your lips as you nodded.

“of course i did, since i know that you damn well didn’t eat breakfast this morning, unless you’re still counting two cups of coffee enough to get you through the day?”

she gave you a sheepish smile before directing her guilty gaze back to the box in her lap, not wanting to see the stern look in your eyes.

you sighed in defeat, deciding to not push it any further. you know she didn’t mean to forget, but it still won’t stop you from worrying.

as you watched her open the box of baked goods, you noticed her pale hands reach into the box, not a single glove in sight on her. that, you won’t let slide.

so before she had a chance to pick up the strawberry cinnamon roll that she’d been eyeing since she opened it, you snatched her hands in yours.

quickly putting on the gloves you had just been wearing, the leather was still warm from your body heat and she shivered as she realized how cold her hands were before.

before she had a chance to question what you were doing, you grasped her now gloved hands in your bare ones, looking her dead in her eyes with that stern look she adores and fears at the same time.

“i’m not gonna have you losing your fingers to frostbite just because you forgot your gloves at home, again.” she shrunk under your gaze as you said again, sheepish smile on her lips returning. “damn, i just can’t win, huh?”

you scoffed at her joking tone before shaking your head, eyes softening. “nope, that’s why you’re lucky i’m here, or else you would be dead in a ditch by now.”

emi gasped offendedly, opening her mouth to retaliate. just as she was ready to argue back, you shoved the strawberry cinnamon roll from earlier into her mouth, efficiently silencing her. a muffled squawk left her in her surprise and you threw your head back with a laugh.

she bit into the still warm pastry and pulled it from her mouth, intent on really letting you get it once she could speak again.

but when she finished chewing and took another deep breath, she gazed at your perfect side profile as you had switched your gaze back onto the scene of the park goers in front of you, left hand coming up to brush a stray lock of hair behind your ear.

her heart melted as the sun's rays bounced off of the gold band that laid on your ring finger, and she felt whatever fight she had left in her dissipate into the air.

instead she chose to rest her head against your shoulder, soaking up your warmth as she held onto your hand tightly. a small smile graced her lips as she brought back the pastry back up to her lips.

even though the scent of strawberries was strong, with her nose turned to press into the fabric of your scarf, she could easily pick out the unique notes of sandalwood, vanilla, and home.

“yeah, really lucky.”

☾ writing belongs to edens-melodies please do not repost without permission ☾

86 notes · View notes

paigeyintheclouds-archive · 3 years ago

Text

Romantic f/o tag dump in the tags of this post

I really loved making these like woAH-

#🏍speeding in the night ; mondo tag🧡#🎤let’s roar a tune! ; leon tag⚾️#💻coding a romantic poem ; chihiro tag💚#🍀just my luck ; nagito tag🤍#🕯overlord of ice with a warm heart ; gundham tag🐹#🔧our love was engineered perfectly ; kazuichi tag💝#🐞let’s catch bugs in the garden together ; gonta tag🦋#🚀all of the stars in the sky but you’re my favorite of them all ; kaito tag🌟#🩹you would really do anything for me? ; pregame kokichi tag💜#☕️hair black as night heart sweet as sugar ; aizawa tag🖤#🐰we’ll all be heroes together! ; midoryia tag💚#🧊cold exterior but warm and soft interior🔥#🏐firey ball of determination! ; shōyō tag❤️#🗡i only slay so i can see you another day my love ; tanjiro tag💌#🍳you’re my favorite gourmet dish ; hero tag🍴#💙thou isn’t too much of a worme ; roxuls tag💎#💿i’ll be waiting for you with rose colored glasses ; swatch tag💖#🕊i’ll watch over you my dear ; simeon tag🌼#🌺oh what a firey love we have ; asmo tag😈#💳you and goldie have my heart ; mammon tag💛#🌱what’s this feeling in razor’s heart? ; razor tag🐺#🌦let’s rest and read a tale together ; xingqiu tag📖#🧷maybe we can share a lip balm? ; shigiraki tag💙#💥someday my love ; thoma tag⚔️#🌧someone please notice me ; haruka tag❄️#🌟my space sailor lover ; captain spaceboy tag❄️#🧡worth a shot ; camilo tag🌅#💚we should talk about bruno ; bruno tag🔮#🥃i’m watching a dream i’ll never wake up from ; spike tag🌌#🏹commence physical training! ; gorou tag🐾

1 note · View note

call-me-copycat · 1 year ago

Text

Today is Father's Day, yes?

Should I do some writing event related to Dadzawa since that's what I'm best at?

I would really like to do something like that, I just want to know if anyone would be interested?

If you would like that or have any ideas then please let me know! Happy Father's day! ୧꒰*´꒳`*꒱૭✧

#my hero academia #boku no hero academia #bnha #mha #bnha aizawa #aizawa shōta #my hero academia aizawa #aizawa x daughter reader #mha aizawa #aizawa shota #mha shota aizawa #aizawa sensei #dadzawa #🩹#Asking #💬

22 notes · View notes

tarousprettybaby · 3 years ago

Text

My Hero Academia Random Thoughts

⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔

{smut= 🧨;angst= 🩹;fluff=🎀}

AIZAWA SHOTA

thinking about... (🧨)

VARIOUS CHARACTERS

thinking about...(🎀)

⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔⟓⟔

©Tarousprettybaby 2021-2022. please don't repost work.

#azurestags

2 notes · View notes

dadzawa-abc · 3 months ago

Text

. Mini blog update . ( Post by: Aizawa)

Hey every kiddo! (And ofc special heys for the flips, cgs and pets too)

🩹 . 🩹 . 🩹

-where have we been and what the blog will look like from this point

× so, life stuff happened. and for the sake of our mental health we decided to log out until we felt we were safe enough to come back. For us, school has started and we've been extremely busy with work and keeping our grades up. So, school and mental (and physical) health is why we stopped posting. I will try and be as active as I can, but I can promise more Reblogs than anything else. We'll be busy during weekdays, but expect us to be more active during the weekends.

-inbox answers (and why we haven't been answering them)

× like I've mentioned previously, we've been logged out of this account for a half of a month and we never logged in since our last post. So there has been double of inbox messages than the last time we checked. We are NOT ignoring them! We are actually planning to answer them either tonight or tomorrow. Or at least the most we can because we don't wanna spam post. Inbox answers sometimes require alot of our spoons and energy, and with more than 10+ of them waiting to be answered, yes it takes alot. But we are trying.

-other updates

• a new alter has formed and wants to be active on here too! So expect a surprise from them when they randomly post something. I will not say anything, and will not reveal who they are. All they wanted me to tell you was they are a cg and they can't wait to meet you all.

That's all for now. Thank you for reading and take care kiddos -🖤

#Aizawa is alive again

5 notes · View notes

theacesystem · 3 years ago

Text

The Ace System Introduction

Alister- 19- Persecutor- it/its- 🛹- DNI if fronting

Moss- 15- Host- they/them-🍄- Friendly interact

Jenni-3-Little- she/her- 🍭- DNI Alister is always with her

Arson-14-Core-ask pronouns when fronting-🍙- interact but be nice

Logan-19- Protector- he/it- 🩹- interact but be cautious

Archer-13-factive/inner care-they/she/he- 📋- interact but be patient

Max-21-gatekeeper- he/it- 😡- please interact it gets lonely

Oliver- 15- symptom holder for autism- he/him- ✨- interact but with tone tags.

Roman- 19-protector-she/her-😠- protective but nice interact

Autumn- 16- caregiver- she/they-💕- nice but doesn't play when it comes to littles

NOW THE FICTIVES

Aizawa-31-fictive-he/him- proxy is -zawa - protective but inactive interact

Kirishima-16-protector-they/he- proxy is -kiri - DNI all together

Ochako- 17- unknown- she/her- proxy -ocha - dni villainous

Izuku- 16- unknown- he/him- proxy -izu - interact friendly

Still a work in progress patience with us please.- 🍙

#did system #system info

1 note · View note

koi-fish96 · 3 years ago

Text

Nah cuz you ain't had to hurt me like that 😭

Let me tape my heart back together real quick💔🩹

____

Yeah they dont understand a lot of normal human stuff or emotions because they didn't really need to, and I guess if she dies they would too since their technically inside her head so they almost sighed everyone's death certificate

They probably set a schedule were one is always home or at least almost always home, his universe his the story she made in her head that took a life of its own so I guess the two technically are blended together {Maybe like a The Wizard Of Oz type vibes}

You didn't make them with the concept of jealousy but one of the first "defective" actions Mic does it be jealous 😂😶

____

-They dont understand the pains and heavy feeling in their chests, or the weird liquid that falls from their eyes no matter how many times they whip it away, and the bright, loud, and scary booms that come from the now dark sky along with the water that pounds against the roof of the house that seems to have taken the sun and will never give it back

-For the first time their feeling a feeling you described to them once as being tired, their feet ache and theres this weird painful pounding in their heads from running themselves ragged doing everything to try and bring a smile to your face

-The purpose of their life has always been to make you happy, to put a smile on your face, so the fact they can no longer do that has them questioning everything, what are they good for if they cant make you happy? Nothing...

-Your sitting in "your room" having your pity party, like you have every single day your stuck in your daydreams, trying to focus on the image of your room right before Mic started comforting you that day but you cant and its frustrating

-Suddenly the door flings open scaring you to your feet, they run over to you almost tackling you as they both fall on their knees clinging to your waist, their crying to hard Mic's hiccuping and Aizawa's letting out little coughs it was weird to see them upset since you've only ever seen them smiling before this

-Then they both feel it once more the tug at their physical being that has them start crying harder, sobs wracking their frame as they bury their faces in your sides calling out for you to make everything stop

-They both start basically screaming out sorry's, their sorry their no longer your perfect idle partners, sorry they hurt you even if they dont know how they did so, sorry they have free will, sorry they exist, and anything they can think of to apologize for they do {This isn't them trying to guilt trip or manipulate they are 100% actually sorry even if they dont fully comprehend it all}

-Then sad screams turn into ones of pain as the throbbing in their heads starts up again full force, from the screaming but they dont know that, you panic a bit and ask whats wrong

-They cling to you harder now telling you they dont know, everything hurt, hurts constantly, please Y/n make it stop!!

-And thats when it hits you, no your not just as bad and them, your so much worse

-You created them to love and care for you, only allowing them to feel happiness and concern. They arn't build to feel sadness, pain, anger, jealousy, confusion, rejection, cruelty, or any of the others but after becoming sentient thanks to you they are and instead of trying to help them comprehend it all and how to manage those feelings you locked them away in your head and left them to die

-You called them cruel for what, loving you? Your the cruel one, making them for the soul purpose of loving and caring for you and then ripping that purpose away from them because they loved and cared for you

-You made them to only be happy, you made this place to only be happy, and now your making everyone including yourself only feel pain

-The rain and the bright loud booms stopped suddenly so they look up to see you staring down at them with that smile they love, or at least you were trying to smile the way they wanted you too

-You join them on the floor peppering their wet faces with sorry kisses before you pull them both into a hug as you start speaking

-Their not defective or broken, they dont need to be perfect or ideal, they dont have to be sorry for the way they feel, you should be the one apologizing to them, you love them, you promise you'll try to be there for them like they were for you, and most importantly you promise to stay here with them forever

-After all they made you happy for years, dont you think its time you returned the favor?

Yes, it’s that time again for you to listen to me spout nonesense. ✨

Hear me out. 👏🏾

Reader who escapes into her fantasies leaving the problems that troubled them behind. She uses her daydreams as a form of escapism. She checks out of consciousness and into the waiting arms of her make believe husbands. Hizashi coos at them, saying everything will be alright now that she’s here with them in a voice more delicate than flower petals. Shouta encourages her to tell them what the matter is.

“Talking about it might make you feel better.”

“Mhmm!” Hizashi eagerly nods, offering kisses to both of your cheeks. “Its best not to hold it in.” He pokes one with his fingers, pleading that you share with them. They want to hear your woes. Your pain is theirs.

Being your ideal lovers, they have all the characteristics you admire. They’re excellent listeners. They never interrupt, wait patiently until you’re done to supply advice and nod to show that you have their full attention.

Any character traits you imagine, they adopt them. They’re your own creations.

After coaxing you to vent, they insist you forget all about what bothered you.

“You’re with us now, love. Forget about your troubles and simply enjoy yourself. Don’t think about anything but us.”

“Focus on how calm we make you feel. Enough drab talk! Let’s have some fun, sugarcane.”

Your visits leave you ready to tackle the world once again. Shouta kisses you goodbye, and Hizashi hugs you tight. You never see the way they frown after you leave and you fade back into reality.

It dawns you one day that you can’t control them anymore. Their personalities have changed. They’ve developed their own character quirks on top of the ones you’d already given them—had even erased a few. This visit was different. They weren’t the same when you greeted them. And it was the last time they let you leave.

“Sweetie! Yer back!” You’re crushed in an enthusiastic hug. “Didja miss us, sugar?”

Sugar?

“We’re happy to have you back, kitten.”

Kitten?

Hizashi’s vernacular was off. One of your parameters was that they spoke proper English. He’d always done it before.

“Oh yea! I incorporated some new vocabulary. Ya diggin’ it?”

No. No, you are not “digging” it.

You believed in them so much you unknowingly manifested them into corporeal beings—ones who were trapped in your imagination.

They aren’t the only ones stuck.

Reader is an catatonic state as her imaginary husbands won’t let her leave. The doctors can’t figure out why she won’t wake. There’s nothing medically wrong with her. She’s a medical marvel.

“We’re everything you want in a man. Why do you act so afraid of us now?”

“The real world was so mean to you. We can’t let ya go back there.”

“Stay here with us.”

“Please don’t ever leave us.”

“We’ll rot here without you.”

“If we make you so happy, why not be joyous eternally?”

“Staying in my play pretend where the fun ain’t got no end.”

“When you’ve built up a world of magic because your real world is tragic.”

They keep you there.

The place that was once an escape is now a prison, entrapped by the very ones meant to free you from anxiety. They’re now the causes. A prison of which you can’t escape. One of your own making.

#i once again dropped what i was working on the fuck with this #y/n hurting them without really realizing it hurt like damn #yandere boku no hero academia #yandere my hero academia #yandere present mic #yandere aizawa #yandere erasermic

220 notes · View notes

edens-melodies · 3 years ago

Text

- if i could lie (repost from 2018 - 6.7k)

warnings: gore - self harm -suicide - depression - dark themes - MINORS DNI!!!! (pt.2)

she clutched her purse strap tightly, wide eyes gazing in sheer awe and intimidation at the building in front of her. amnesiac corporations: let us help you forget.

the words filled the air with their presence, the silver catching the early afternoon rays of light. the building alone was at least thirty floors high with a sleek appearance, making someone of her stature look out of place near it. but she was sent here on purpose.

for her own good.

the woman scoffed and rolled her eyes, her best friend’s words echoing in her mind. her best friend of almost thirteen years had referred her here, saying she had “inside connections” to get her in here for free. i love you, y’know, is how this all started.

it’s been twelve years, (y/n). you’re not getting better, and you won’t let go. it’s time, and i know a place that can help you, honestly.

she took a deep breath and continued on, willing her body to walk towards the large glass doors. a doorman was waiting there, smiling silently as he held the door open for her. she thanked him quietly, and carried on into the building.

again, she was in awe at the sight of everything. the inside was just as sleek as the outside, white marble with dark mahogany wood accents gave the space a very chic and modern feel to it.

little green plants were placed everywhere sparsely. the entire area felt calming, and (y/n) unconsciously began relaxing, the grip on her purse strap loosening.

she spotted what appeared to be the waiting portion of the main floor and began walking over there towards the comfy looking dark brown plush chairs when a voice called out to her, startling her slightly.

“excuse me! miss?”

she swiveled towards the front desk in confusion, (e/c) eyes landing on a young looking man who was waving towards her energetically.

warily, she walked over to him and he only stopped waving when she was less than five feet away from him.

“i’m sorry to startle you, miss.” he began, and (y/n) opened her mouth to wave it off but was cut short when he spoke again. “i know you dislike being startled, though you try to brush it off. you hate that little jolt of fear, huh? me too.”

she slammed her mouth shut, eyes wide as she stares at him in disbelief. paranoia began setting in, and her right hand unconsciously moved to behind her back to pull on her hair in anxiety. who is this man?

“how did you-” he cut her off again. now she was beginning to get irritated. “my name is yoarashi inasa, and i’m a close friend of emi, who is also a mutual friend of yours. she is the one who spoke with me about your appointment here.”

(y/n) felt the tension be released from her shoulders, and her hand stopped clawing at her hair, her scalp relieved of the stinging pain. “that explains a lot.” she said sheepishly, a small smile on her lips. she chuckled when inasa nodded enthusiastically.

“yep! emi also sent me a photo of you and all that when she scheduled your appointment, that’s how i was able to recognize you.” (y/n) nodded every couple of words, processing everything he said.

when he finished, he clapped his hands together, and gave her a charismatic yet professional smile.”welcome to amnesiac corporations, ms. (l/n). let me take you to the proper floor for your appointment.”

with a light laugh, (y/n) smiled and followed inasa as he navigated her towards an elevator she never noticed before. she stepped in, and inasa followed before pressing the button more towards the bottom of the keypad, and floor twenty-four lit up above the doors.

“wow…” she murmured under her breath, and only realised she said it out loud when inasa gave a small chuckle, and her whole face felt warm. “i know,” he hummed.

“the building’s pretty impressive. i almost couldn’t believe it when i saw it with my own eyes, too.” (y/n) nodded in agreement, and a few moments later the elevator came to a stop, a small chime ringing before the door opened to their designated floor.

she stepped out after inasa and peered around at the new area. it looked just the same as the ground floor, and another secretary was also at the front desk. (y/n) gasped when she saw who it was, and felt a mixture of anger, disbelief, and sheer amusement. emi locked eyes with her and laughed outright, waving at her lightly.

(y/n) ran off towards the front desk, leaving a roaring inasa behind her, his mouth covered with his hand as he laughed. (y/n) reached the front desk and slammed her hands onto it, giving emi a stern look.

“you didn’t tell me you fucking worked here!” she exclaimed, the curse words flowing from her mouth like second nature. emi giggled and shook her head.

“i mean, i did say that i had special connections.” she tried.

(y/n) rolled her eyes. “you’re such a brat.”

she heard retreating footsteps behind her, and she turned her head to see inasa walking back into the elevator, waving his arm at her again in departure.

“i’ll leave everything to you, emi. it was great meeting you, (y/n). see you soon!” and with, the elevator closed, chiming it way and signalling he was heading back towards the first floor.

emi stood from her chair and walked around to stand next to (y/n). she flashed her a cheeky smile, and straightened her posture. “welcome to amnesiac corporations, (y/n). allow me guide you towards our briefing room before your appointment.”

(y/n) rolled her eyes but smiled at her best friend before linking arms with her and laughing as emi began waltzing them towards an unmarked door down at the end of the corridor.

by the time they reached there, (y/n) was red faced and giggly. emi was no better, hair slightly askew from swinging. they straightened themselves out before emi opened the door and ushered (y/n) into a plain white room. the room itself was large and expansive.

the white tiled floors looked as if they had never been stepped on, and a white chair sat behind a tall slim white table, an empty glass resting on it.

(y/n) raised her eyebrows in confusion, and emi just shushed her and guided her towards the table. (y/n) sat down in the chair, and looked at the empty glass. there were no smudges on it, not even dried specks of water. it felt strangely off, and it made (y/n) slightly uneasy.

emi stuck her hand out in front of (y/n)’s face. “i’ll take your purse and coat, ma’am.” she used that annoying stereotypical old secretary lady voice, and (y/n) laughed before shrugging out of her light jacket and handing off her purse to emi.

emi grasped the items in her hand before making her way to a door that was towards (y/n)’s left. it wasn’t the same door they entered in. that door was directly in front of her, right?

“i’ll be right back with your change of clothes.” when her eyebrows hit her hairline again, emi scoffed and rolled her forest coloured eyes. “you’ll want them, trust me.” and with that, she was out the door.

as soon as the door clicked shut, the room fell into a deafening silence, and (y/n) could hear her own heart beat clear as day. looking around in curiosity, she tried to find something distinguishable in the room. it was way too blank to just be here.

the walls and ceilings were white, the floor tiles were white, the chair she was sitting was white, and even the table. it was only when she turned around that she saw floor drains behind her, the silver shining bright in the artificial light above her (which was also white.)

that was odd. why would they need floor drains in such a plain room as this? that also sparked another question in (y/n)’s mind. why would i need a change of clothes? what briefing was necessary? was there a doctor involved? where’s emi?

she thoughts quickly became frantic, and her hand quickly found its way back to her hair and began tugging harshly know, her sharp teeth sinking into her bottom lip and began chewing.

her eyes grew wide and her head kept swiveling around, trying to figure out where she exactly was and why did emi leave her here.

her heart was beating wildly in her chest, and she felt the tearing of a couple of her locks beginning to disconnect from her scalp. just as she was about to begin screaming, emi returned and closed the door behind her softly.

in a flash, (y/n) willed her mental breakdown away, and she snatched her hand away from behind her back, returning to a relaxed demeanor. she gave a smile that looked warm and genuine to emi when she turned around. as it should.

“sorry i took so long,” emi waved slightly in the air with her words, her left arm free while her right arm carried with her a change of what looked like a white shirt and white pants.

great. more white.

“the closet that held all these was locked and my key card wouldn’t work so i had to track down that cute janitor i told you about. i didn’t mean for it to take twenty minutes. sorry.”

“twenty minutes?!” (y/n) replied owlishly, shock in her voice. did she really spend twenty minutes breaking down? it didn’t feel that long…

“yeah…” emi rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. “time goes by so quickly here, huh?”

“apparently.” (y/n) mumbled, and accepted the clothes when emi handed them to her.

(y/n) stood up to change, and when she noticed emi not turning to leave, she just deadpanned and stared at her, and emi did the same. a minute or two went by before emi threw her hands up in exasperation.

“jesus christ, we used to live together! just change your clothes!” (y/n) laughed before she began peeling her shirt off. “i just wanted to see how long i could make you squirm before you yelled at me.”

(y/n)’s tone was smug, and just as she lifted her shirt over her head, the fabric blocking her view, she felt a cold, small hand slap her stomach, and (y/n) let out a small shriek.

“you dickhead!”

“you deserved it, fucker!”

their laughs continued as (y/n) finally pulled the shirt from her head, dropping it to the floor. the black was such a startling contrast to the white that it sort of threw her off, but she shook her head.

when she looked up, she saw that emi was no longer smiling, her eyes focused on her exposed flesh. a smart remark was on the tip of her tongue, something along the lines of “like what you see? i charge £150 a strip show” but it died in her mouth when she followed her gaze to what she was looking at.

emi was staring at the ugly smattering of scars that where blotched on her both of her sides. the angry red and shiny pink lines contrasted with her paled (s/c) flesh, and (y/n) could see the sadness and anger in emi’s eyes.

feeling judged, she quickly snatched up the large white t-shirt and threw it on, the fabric extremely soft and the large sleeves reaching all the way down to her elbows.

“stop staring… it’s nothing you’ve never seen before.” she muttered, and it was only when she began removing her leggings that emi snapped out of her reverie.

“sorry, (n/n).” she murmured in apology, using (y/n)’s nickname. “it’s fine.” (y/n) sighed, and pulled up the thin and soft sweatpants, the material clinging to her legs more like leggings.

quietly, she sat back down into her chair, and looked up in confusion when emi coughed at her, wriggling her eyebrows. “shoes too, sweetcheeks.”

“are you kidding me!?” (y/n) exclaimed in exasperation, and emi laughed as she kicked her shoes off and threw her socks angrily into them. she shivered when her bare feet collided with the strangely warm ground, not expecting the temperature.

emi picked up all of her clothing and deposited them in a bag that (y/n) never noticed before. once the bag was tied, she held out her clipboard, and the light playfulness in her eyes was replaced with serious formality.

the sudden change made (y/n) uneasy, and she gulped in anticipation.

“the purpose of amnesiac corporations is to aid our customers in helping them forget and move on from undesirable or painful memories from their past, usually caused by some form of debilitating trauma.”

emi read off of her clipboard, and then looked at (y/n) expectantly, and (y/n) nodded in acknowledgement. so she continued. “we use modern and innovative medical and psychological medicine to help our clients achieve the bliss they need. please look up to the glass on the table ahead.”

(y/n) switched her gaze from emi’s face to the empty glass in front of her. before her eyes, she saw a hologram appear before her, the blue light illuminating her face and causing her to gasp. “

before you is a menu that has options to choose from that deals with your category of pain that you wish to forget. please scroll through and choose your category.”

with a hesitant hand, (y/n) brought her fingers to the hologram and was amazed when she actually felt a sort of cool mistyness that the object in front of her was real. casually, she began scrolling through the options before her, and her heart ached when she read some of them off.

“child death… loss of parents… murder witness… these are all horrible, emi. do people actually come here to forget these?”

emi nodded her head sadly, large eyes filled with sadness, the dark green almost clear. “they do. now please, pick your category.” nodding understandingly, (y/n) brought her gaze back to the list before her, and continued scrolling until she found what she was looking for.

her gaze hardening and a distant look filling her face. her trembling finger hovered over the two she wanted to pick, ironically sitting side by side with one another.

#403 - damaging betrayal of close friend/family member

#404 - damaging relationship termination/cheating partner

noticing her apprehension between the two options, emi softly cleared her throat to grab (y/n)’s attention, said girl’s (e/c) eyes filled with an impassive look. they were widened slightly, and emi began to worry.

“you may choose up to 3 options, but be warned, they may overlap and cause some unwanted side effects, which i will get to once you‘ve made your decision.”

nodding numbly, (y/n) tapped on both #403 and #404, and a pop up appeared, asking for confirmation on her decision. tapping “yes”, the message disappeared, as did the hologram. (y/n) focused her gaze on emi again, who looked sympathetic and began reading off of her clipboard again.

“now that you have made your decision, i must now warn you on the side effects of the options that you have chosen.”

nodding for her to continue, (y/n) listened as emi began droning off things such as “undistinguishable emotions”, “unfamiliar responses to family members or friends from the time period in which the event occured,” and even “reoccuring and frequent déjà vu.”

and each time emi had something else to bring up, (y/n) nodded her head to signal she fully understood. finally, emi ended her little “side effects” spiel, another difficult expression filled her face, that uneasy feeling again returning to (y/n)’s chest.

“now i need you sign off on our waiver, which is standard to everyone client. it establishes that you choose to have this procedure done on your own consent, and we’ve warned you what may possibly happen as an after effect slash side effect.”

bringing her the clipboard, emi watched with worried eyes as (y/n) looked over the paper with a dull expression, her eyes numb. i hope this works for her.

after signing off her name, emi took a couple of steps back until she was roughly ten feet away from (y/n). with a curt nod, she looked to the upper corner of the room and clicked her tongue twice.

suddenly, a slit in the floor opened, and a small wall appeared in front (y/n), coming up only two feet possibly. with the wall in place, it felt as if she was being trapped in a box. (y/n) jumped in her seat when it appeared, electricity flying through her veins.

“what’s this for?” she questioned, confusion heavy in her tone. emi smiled lightly. “safety precautions. the procedure can get a bit… messy.”

(y/n)’s eyes widened comically, and emi couldn’t help but burst out into laughter.

“are you trying to fucking kill me?!” (y/n) proclaimed incredulously, disbelief lacing her words. emi’s light laughter soothed her shot nerves a bit, but her question still hung unanswered.

when she finally caught her breath and recomposed herself, emi wiped a stray tear from the corner of her eye before righting herself. “no, i am not going to kill you. but the procedure does become messy quick.”

(y/n) looked at her expectantly, and emi sighed before explaining. “the procedure purges your body of all the trauma and undesirable memories, figuratively and literally.”

“we chose an all white room and clothing choice so that we may see the purging more clearly. it also aids us in seeing if you need a second treatment.” her words were swimming in her ears, and all (y/n) could do is nod in false understanding.

emi’s mouth then twisted into a grimace. “this is the part i never enjoy…” she muttered quietly under her breath, thankful (y/n) didn’t hear her. straightening herself, emi locked eyes with (y/n) again before starting.

“the glass before you will fill with the liquid that will commence the purging, the amount and colour of it determining the amount it has to purge. but it will only do that after we do a scan and find everything that must be discarded.” (y/n) stiffened, but emi soothed her sudden worry.

“it’s like a flash of light for the scanning to commence. it will only take a second.”

nodding yet again, (y/n) sat back and calmed her breathing. everything will be fine, you can trust emi. she’s your best friend.

she would never do anything to hurt you, right? (y/n) stopped breathing when a little voice in the back of her mind spoke up.

the same thing was said about nemuri, wasn’t it?

the awful feeling thudded in her chest again, as it has these past twelve years, and (y/n) scrunched her eyes up in pain and sadness. the thudding was a familiar and yet unwelcome feeling in her chest, as it always is whenever bringing up those two.

nemuri and shouta.

just thinking of their names nearly sent her into another episode, and the thudding became pounding. it was only when a flash of white blinded her behind her eyelids did she come back to the present.

emi gave her a sad smile, having noticed on the small episode (y/n) just went through. it hurt her too, after all these years.watching someone she loves in so much pain.

“told you it was simple and quick. now look to your glass.” completely sidetracked from her impending mental breakdown, (y/n) switched her gaze over to the empty glass in front of her, and watched in awe as a liquid began bubbling from the bottom of it as if from nowhere.

a thin and black liquid bubbled up, the liquid so dark that it seemed to suck up every light that came near it. (y/n) watched with dread, as did emi, as the glass continued to fill to the brim.

it only stopping when it threatened to spill. emi whistled lowly. “that’s quite the amount you got going on there-”

she stopped when she saw the scathing look (y/n) shot her and quickly snapped her mouth shut. pink tinged her pale cheeks in shame. “sorry.”

huffing, (y/n) slowly raised a hand to grab the glass, and her fingers nearly grazed it before emi called out to her.

“wait!”

immediately, she snapped her hands back to her lap, fingers worriedly tugging and pulling on the hem of her shirt. her scared eyes met with emi’s worried ones.

“i will admit to you,” she started slowly. “that the procedure is known to be… painful, when one has been suffering for a long time, especially like you.”

(y/n) gulped, and reconsideration flashed through her mind quickly. emi saw this, and quickly spoke up again.

“you’ve been suffering twelve years because of them, (y/n). you’ve destroyed your own body and mind because of them.”

emi’s voice filled with raw emotion, and (y/n) looked at her in surprise. she never knew how strongly this affected her.

“don’t forget who found you and took you to the hospital after what you did to yourself. who changed your bandages and never left your side.” shame filled (y/n)’s face, and she cast her head down.

“a little pain to rid yourself of over a decades worth of it is nothing.” emi declared.

“think of yourself for once.”

(y/n) lifted her head again and steadied her gaze on the glass again. her fingers pulled and tugged on the hem of her shirt again as she tossed and turned in her mind for an answer, face blank as she stared at the glass with hooded and conflicted eyes.

finally, after what felt like ages, she straightened her back and hesitantly lifted her hand to grab the glass. she carefully picked it up, as to not spill any of the precious onyx liquid inside of it.

she slowly brought the glass to her lips, and steeling her nerves, she took a deep breath before placing the glass to her mouth, taking a small sip of it. it tasted like water, leaving her feeling strangely refreshed, as if she was dying of thirst before and didn’t know until now.

finding herself minutely relieved by this, she brought the glass to her lips again and began to drink greedily. but the more she drank, the more the liquid slowly became more bitter.

her eyebrows pulled together in discomfort, and she breathed heavily out of her nose, fogging up the glass.

finally, as she neared the end of what felt like forever, the taste was so bitter she felt as if she were to throw up.

sipping up the last of it, she pulled the empty glass from her lips, cheeks bulging slightly as she refused to drink the last of it. the taste was so vile that she coughed slightly, some of the liquid escaping her lips and dripping back into the cup.

it was only when her muscles began to hurt that she finally swallowed it, a small amount still left on the right corner of her lip.

as she swallowed the last of it, she slowly brought the glass back to the table it was on, looking once again as it did before, minus the transparent remnants of the dark liquid streaking the inside of it.

a dull thudding began in her chest again, but it wasn’t the same as before. it felt deeper, sadder. with a shaky hand, she brought her hand back from the glass and wiped the remnants of the drink from her mouth.

as she swiped her hand across her mouth, the thudding was so hard that it felt as if were shaking her physically.

a sharp spasm streaked through her shoulder and neck, and mid wipe her shoulder and neck seized and spasmed, lolling her head like a bobblehead, shaking her to her core.

the thudding grew heavier and she parted her lips lightly as she raised her hands to push some of her hair from her face, gasping for air as the bitter feeling burned her throat, the thudding in her chest reaching what felt like its climax.

the feeling reverberated throughout her entire body now. sniffling as she brought her hands down, something clicked in her, and her head lifted straight, eyes landing on emi who watched in shock.

(y/n)’s eyes were wide, dead, face impassive. emi waved her hand to see if (y/n) could see her, but (y/n)’s eyes were looking straight through her.

emi recognized that look from both her past and from her job here. funny how (y/n) had that look in her eyes long before this company existed.

the purging was about to commence.

the blank look from before melted off of her face, and (y/n)’s eyebrows scrunched together and her face softened and twisted as if she was about to cry, pain and sadness clear as day in her eyes, and so very very raw.

her lips parted as she took in little gasps, and (y/n)’s chest felt as if it were about to explode, tilting her head up slightly to the ceiling.

twelve years of grief and pain and betrayal bubbled its way up to the surface, and a singular hot, thick tear poured straight from the tear duct of her right eye. but instead of her vision swimming in clear blurriness, a sort of black swam in her sight.

the tears wouldn’t stop coming, and they dripped thickly and fast down her cheeks and chin, running down her neck and staining her white clothes.

sobs slowly began falling from her lips, and she sniffled and shook, eyes blinking as more black tears began falling from them.

they poured like a river from her eyes— the pain in her chest was too much. all she could see before her was memories from all those years ago. memories of them.

shouta’s face floated in front of her, his wide and charming smile making her gasp and hiccup as the tears came harder, the whole front of her shirt sticking to her skin and black as the night.

all the nights they spent together, all of the quick hugs, the silent kisses. the hysterical inside jokes they had with one another, the gentle caresses and understanding looks they gave to each other in the comfort of the dark, when it was just him and her.

her voice grew in volume, and soon her whimpering sobs grew to flat out crying, her voice straining as she shook.

her hands came up to wipe at her tears, eyes squeezing shut as the deep dull pain continued to throb through her. the black smeared all over her cheeks and some of her tears got into her mouth, staining her gums black.

but the tears didn’t stop there, and neither did the memories.

all the hours she spent with nemuri over the years. the days where they wouldn’t have to worry about anyone but themselves.

the nights spent with one another at parties, the afternoons where they basked in the sunlight and spoke with one another like sisters. the secrets they’ve confided with one another, what (y/n) trusted her with…

and things could only become worse.

the day she received her final text from him, his words saying that we wanted to break up because they weren’t communicating enough shattering her right where she stood.

but she held on to hope. he said if i fixed our communication problem, he would get back with me, she cried to emi their senior year. he’s still in love with me. he still wants to be with me.

but when she made her way to the gym the following week, she saw him speaking with nemuri, her best friend since sixth grade.

an awful feeling ran through (y/n)’s chest when she saw them together, and the memory brought up an even harsher bought of cries, her tears now having soaked into her pants.

nemuri confronted her later on with the news that she and shouta had gotten together, that she had feelings for him since the previous year, and to not take it too harshly.

it numbed her, and it only truly hit her when she came home. her tears were endless, and that’s when that disgusting thudding in her chest began. all those years before.

emi was there through it all. i was going to tell him that day. she sobbed into emi’s shirt. i was going to tell him that i was willing to try again. that i wanted to be with him again.

(y/n)’s cries filled the entire room, small shrieks coming every now and then, her dirtied hands coming to grip her hair tightly and she began pulling hard. her entire outfit was soaked black, and the black tears now began pooling on the floor by her feet.

for months she watched them prosper and love each other while she sat forgotten in the back, still yearning and hurting for the one she still loved, snatched away from her by her best friend.

all the problems that she had before, the problem’s that shouta helped her overcome and forget came back with a vicious intent.

she began eating less, sleeping more. emi and others who cared for her worried, but she always brushed them off and convincingly told them she was fine. she built up this façade for months, only letting her true emotions run when she was on her own.

she began blaming herself for everything, as if she were the reason he left. that she left him unsatisfied. that her giving her body and love wasn’t enough for him, that she was not enough.

that she was unloveable.

these toxic emotions unsheathed themselves from the depths of her mind where they had hidden for years, and with no one to stop them, they ran free.

unloveable.

that word was repeated by herself like a mantra all these years.

those were the words she said as she maimed her sides with her kitchen knife the summer they graduated from high school, the pain oblivious to her as she kept slicing.

“you were never good enough for him.”

“he only used you for experience.”

“you gave him your everything and it wasn’t enough. pathetic.”

“she is everything you could never fulfill for him.”

“you’re not worthy.”

“unloveable, that’s all you’ll ever be.”

“he never loved you. and you were okay with it. just lie to yourself.”

the knife kept going, and she only stopped when her fingers were too slicked to hold on properly. she looked at herself in the mirror, bloody, crazed, and crying.

even as she fell to the floor with a thud, even as emi busted the door down and screamed when she saw her, those words never left (y/n)’s lips.

unloveable.

Unloveable

UNLOVEABLE.

(y/n) wailed, her body scrunching forward as the thudding increased, her tears dripping straight from her eyes and onto the massive puddle that filled the floor.

she began screaming, her words flying through the air of the room.

“it hurts! it hurts!” she moaned, her voice hoarse and nearly incoherent as she cried harshly.

emi was crying herself, horrified and stricken with such grief as she saw (y/n) twist in her chair, (e/c) eyes swimming in black tears that soaked her being and collected in a pool on the floor.

“it burns!” she wailed. “the p-pain won’t end. m-my chest…” she hiccuped harshly, hand coming to grip her soaked shirt tightly, “ i-it’s killing me! make it s-stop! please!”

all of her memories flooded her vision at once, pain lancing through her being as their faces flooded her. the years flew by, and it all showered down upon her.

all of the nights spent awake, thinking of them and pounding and pulling and scratching her body, trying to claw this disease from her.

the toxicity spread into her love life. relationships never lasted long, the thought of him either too much for her or the distrust she felt in them.

it was as if all those men and women would abandon her the same as he did, and she shied away, trusting no one.

that tiny voice from before spoke up again.

it’s payback. it whispered.

“why?” (y/n) whimpered, face still scrunched as the tears continued to pour, sobs still emanating from her chest.

for everything you couldn’t do for him. your body wasn’t enough, wasn’t perfect, so he settled for something better.

now you get to fade away, don’t you get it?

(y/n) screamed, bashing her fists into her head. “ shut up, shut up, shut up!” she screamed, and the voice laughed.

you know i’m right. you’re nothing without him, and he doesn’t want you anymore. he hasn’t wanted you for twelve years. so just die.

(y/n) cried even harder, her hands leaving her hair and gripping her chest through the soaked material, her nails biting into her flesh.

maybe it’s right. she thought dully.

that’s when another voice piped up. stronger than the last.

no, it is not right.

(y/n) gasped, so thoroughly shocked that her sobs ceased, the tears still pouring down her face. they seemed to come even heavier now, so much so that she couldn’t see emi ahead of her.

you’re life has been controlled by them for too long now.

the voice was strong and warm, easing the thudding in her chest, but the tears came even harder.

you are more than just the memories of them. the memories of him. of her.

(y/n) nodded to no one in particular, her face now calm.

forget him. forget them. let them go.

(y/n)’s voice was just a whisper, and emi almost couldn’t catch it over the steady sound of heavy trickling, (y/n)’s tears still falling.

“let me let you go.”

the black liquid began dripping from the edges of her lips, and emi watched in horror as the liquid now fell from both her eyes and mouth, the amount not being possible to be held in just her body of that size.

it was building up faster than the floor drains could discard, and the liquid rushed up and lapped at the wall separating emi from (y/n).

(y/n)’s eyes were blank, and she stared straight ahead. her mind felt lighter, her chest no longer hurt. she felt as ease. wait, that’s not the word. this is a feeling she hasn’t felt in twelve years.

emi watched as (y/n)’s lips tilted upwards in the first true smile emi hasn’t seen in years, and it elicited such a strong emotion from her that her tears fell again, her thin hand coming up to cover her mouth as sobs fell out.

(y/n) was at peace.

and with that knowledge, (y/n) closed her tired eyes, a smile still on her lips.

her body slumped, and with a scream from emi, she fell right into the pool she made, her body disappearing from sight.

____________________________

“i think that was the best sourdough grilled cheese i’ve ever fucking had.” (y/n) moaned, her hands resting on her slightly distended stomach.

emi laughed as she picked at the remnants of her salad, eyes warm as they were trained on her friend.

“well you kinda ate three of them, and you just came up from anesthesia like,” emi checked her watch.

“three hours ago, so maybe your taste buds aren’t particularly active right now.” (y/n) scoffed. “fuck you. it was good.”

the two women paid for their meals and left emi’s job. (the food court in there was to die for, and seeing how (y/n) had cracked her head when she fell during her purging and needed emergency staples, she was desperate for anything.)

they walked out into the afternoon light, the sun high in the sky. for 2’o’clock on a wednesday, it was pretty damn nice.

a light breeze rushed by, ruffling the white dress (y/n) was wearing, lended to her courtesy of amnesiac corp.

“want to head to the park?” emi suggested, already walking in the park’s direction. “there are swings there.”

(y/n) jumped a bit in joy. “absolutely.”

so they began walking, talking amongst one another about random things.

“okay so obviously i don’t remember this,” (y/n) started, and emi snorted. “obviously? you smashed your head into the ground and cracked it open”

(y/n) ignored her and continued. “but did i really gush out that much of the black tar stuff? like honestly?” emi nodded her head.

“if you want, i can send over the footage if you want to see for yourself.” (y/n) nodded her head vigorously. “hell yeah. that’s writing material right there.”

both women laughed at her response, and emi’s chest swelled with happiness. (y/n) was practically glowing. she hasn’t seen her this happy in years. there’s nothing that could hurt her now.

while they were walking, (y/n) accidentally collided with someone’s shoulder as they were walking by, jolting her and whoever she hit.

(y/n) turned to apologize, cheeks warm with embarrassment, when both emi and the man she collided with gasped.

motherfucker! emi screamed in her mind as her jaw dropped open. i knew i spoke too soon.

(y/n)’s wide pale eyes locked with equally large charcoal eyes, light pink lips hanging open as shock spread across his fair and handsome face.

“(y/n)…” shouta breathed out in disbelief, his words nearly not even leaving his lips. his eyes held grief, sadness, and regret.

(y/n) stood speechless, her eyes never leaving his.

“wh-” before she could finish her word, shouta grabbed her hands, his large warm hands enveloping hers in a familiar tingle, his alabaster skin contrasting with her pale (s/c) tone.

“(y/n) it’s been years. i-i’ve missed you so fucking much!” he began gushing, his emotions making it hard for him to get his words out.

emi was silently seething as she listened to him declare his still everlasting love to her best friend. (y/n) was silent through it all.

she listened diligently as he spoke of how he heard of what she did to herself and how he and nemuri had a big falling out a couple of years after it, due to his grief and regret.

“she was just a rebound that lasted longer than it should’ve. i was weak.” shouta conceded, his eyes slightly watery.

“i’ve thought about you non-stop the last ten years. i’ve tried to get in touch with you, but it was as if you disappeared.”

his hands shook as they still grasped hers. (y/n)’s eyes trailed down to where she was connected with him, his fingers intertwined with hers looking so right.

“please tell me you’ll give me another chance?” he looked into her eyes, his own pleading with hers for genuine forgiveness. emi looked to her too, curiosity getting the better of her.

(y/n) looked conflicted, eyebrows scrunched together and lower lips caught in her teeth as she thought.

slowly, she untangled shouta’s warm hands from her own, gently placing them back to his sides.

he looked at her hurt, confusion laced in his eyes. they both waited in bated breath, ears straining to hear (y/n)’s verdict.

“i’m so sorry,” she began, shaking her head lightly, hair flowing with her like a soft wave. she looked to ethereal.

“who are you?”

—————

a/n: wow, i can’t believe i wrote this piece three years ago. i was lowkey highkey projecting because i had just gotten out of a three year relationship with an ex that did exactly what aizawa did and i just needed to vent, so this was born.

i’ve also decided that after much debate and also encouraging comments on both my old tumblr and my current ao3 account, to make a part two! so look out for that! much love <3

☾ writing belongs to edens-melodies please do not repost without permission ☾

#💔.#🩹.#aizawa x y/n #aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta x reader #bnha #mha #old post #repost #mha x reader #bnha x reader #hurt/comfort #mha angst #bnha angst #aizawa angst #midnight #mha nemuri

115 notes · View notes