#😭 i hate hin

[torsamors]

god owen hunt is literally one of the worst characters in the history of television

[waloeders]

i keep having nightmares that kind of arent nightmares bc theyre not super scary but they are super intense and its. getting to be a lot. like its almost every night now come on man.

[lucifer000sstuff]

Ok so..my English teacher said possibly that some day in June we'll be able to dress up as any fictional character from any book...and...let's jst say..if my parents allow me to I finna pull up to school as :

Bc why not? He's beautiful!!! 😭

@dabispreciouslittlebean @dabislittlemouse @dabisqueen

[4pfsukuna]

Hellooo, lowk imagine a jealous sukuna x reader fic where he bottles his true feelings for her. That leads to an argument which then leads to reader storming out and meeting w/ her friends to have them dress up as a guy and pretend their her new hook up or smth 😭😭

Debrief: Sukuna would rather die than talk about feelings but you do that thing (exist) that he likes and he cant help himself (crash out)

4868 words.

If someone asked Sukuna how he felt about you he’d say you were just best friends. He’d actually talk so much shit that it could be the fic itself.

But if you were to ask anyone else how they think he felt about you? The majority answer would be ‘down bad’ followed by ‘obsessed’ followed by ‘unhinged’.

Gojo mutters something about pussy whipped.

“And they were roommates” you finish off before placing the cherry red lollipop back in your mouth as you lift the opposite arm to touch the ceiling. Yes the ceiling someway somehow you had convinced the pink haired brute to carry you around on his shoulders something about wanting to know what it fealt like to be his height.

“You're such a nosy brat y’know?” He keeps walking around, switch in hand looking so tiny since his palms are so huge. He was playing the sims and just put one with pink hair and no tattoos in the pool and took the ladder out. You lean down with your pink dyed hair covering his view wobbling slightly but he's quick to steady you.

Before you can retaliate his brothers Choso and Yuji are walking into his apartment not phased at all by the scene except Yuki, chosos girlfriend who definitely is shocked.

You greet them all while Sukuna glares at them not wanting to hear anything not even see the knowing smirks on their face.

The second time they walk in on the two of you your head is in sukunas lap your body elongated on the couch as you scold him for being mean to some of his employees at the tattoo shop. Hes barely listening though your slender fingers tracing his tattoos especially the ones on his bare chest. 

These were the perks of best friend privileges, you could do absolutely anything you wanted to him and hed just let you. Hed glare at you with that look of annoyance and call you a brat but he did that when he was happy too so you brush it off as nothing more than his default. 

He would never admit it but he likes when you dote on hin like this, likes that youre bossy and commanding you never ask him to do anything you tell him. For someone half his size you surely do think you have alot of power of him(you do). He likes the way your body feels against him too because to you the Y in Your space was silent not that he minded your excuse being hes so huge and takes up so much space.

The curves on your body drove him wild especially when you placed himself in his lap, your plush ass sitting right on his dick and if he even looked down he’d have a perfect view of your breast that’s always on display in the low cut shirts you wore.

“Are you even listening?” Your voice pulls his attention as you give him a slight glare, hand wrapping around his bicep… well the part your hand could fit around.

“No” he smirks the clouded over look in his maroon eyes fading as he looks down at you watching you huff and slowly sit up. “Why should i” he challenges loving the way you never back down.

“Because im your bestie for the restie and im always right” you arrogantly scoff climbing into his lap smiling at the eye roll he gives you, the fourth one today by the way, as an arm wraps around your waist to steady you.

“Shut up ‘bestie for the restie’ yuck” he mocks in a high pitched voice always making fun of you for saying stuff like that. He hated it, it was so girly and childish and stupid and he absolutely did not want to be your bestie.

“You actually bullied me into the silly little friendship” he reminds you the day you pranced into his shop bragging about the great colorwork of tattoos you did on all skintones and he couldnt deny your talent. Nor your friendship apparently.

“A woman half your size bullied you? The great lord sukuna. The masochist. The most muscular man in all of japan got bullied by a girl who doesnt use the top shelf in her home because shes to short to reach it” you gasp rhetorically leaning closer and closer making him hang off every word as if you were talking about something else. Its so innocent yet seductive all at the same time.

“Maybe i let the little pup thinks she is for my own amusement” he teases back with a smirk knowing it would get under your skin. Provoking you to get you riled up was one of his favorite pastimes. 

“I will fuck you up” you snap with a vicious glare  angrily sinking your teeth into your bottom lip. His skin burns at the sight remembering the drunk night at the club a few weeks ago and the kiss you shared when you sunk your teeth into his lip. Oh you couldve asked him for his soul and he wouldve told you its already yours.  The next day though you just brushed it off before pestering him about it being so cold in the shop and demanding his hoodie.

“I would love to see you try” his smirk never leaving his face leaning closer to challenge you. Before your mouth can open in retaliation your phone chirps with 5 back to back text and your attention is gone from him.

“Oh its ‘toru” you smile… a bit to widely for his liking before getting lost in your phone.

“What the fuck is a Toru” he sneers unable to keep his jealousy at bay, because who in the actual fuck was toru and why were you smiling at your phone like that.

“Satoru Gojo” you shrug as if you hadnt just named a man that was so famous for gettin around he was known for sleeping with men and women and nobody batted an eye because they were just waiting on their chance.

“And you call him Toru?” He tries to stay calm digs his nails into his palms and digs his heels into the floor.

“Yes sukuna” you hiss not sure why he was asking such a redundant question. You hated being questioned this is actually where you and him were similar you were going to do what you wanted and when you didnt need anybody questioning you or being nosy. You had fucked up though nicknaming another man and reffering to him as just sukuna instead of kuna or even kirby that you called him from time to time.

“Get off me” he snaps and your head snaps up from the phone to his eyes that are actively avoiding you. Well who pissed in his onigiri? What was with the sudden change in attitude.

“Are you actually dumb enough to let that little fuckboy—“ he starts raging, not caring what words come out of his mouth until its to late and he sees the pure rage in your eyes.

“Dumb?!” You snap climbing off his lap and taking a step back from him. While you may seem soft and sweet like a cute little yapper there was a dark very vicious side to you that it seemed he could only trigger and once it was out it was like two fires colliding to see who could burn the most.

“When did you even have the time to meet this fucking idiot” he scowls hating Satoru and maybe he shouldve told you about their rivalry and that he actually knew the man but that would require good communication skills which is obviously something a man whos been crushing on you for nearly a year lacks.

“Maybe if you didnt spend so much time being a grumpy scowling asshole youd make friends too” you snap at him and he nearly has to bite his tongue he didnt give a fuck about friends when he had two annoying brothers, a pain in the ass Toji, Uraume and most importantly you.

“Who needs ‘em when i have you to pester me all fucking day” he snaps and he really didnt mean it so before he can say anything else he turns around to walk away only for you to keep going. You knew he never meant it when he said stuff like that it was part of your banter but this time you were furious and how dare he turn his back on you.

“And now you wont have to worry about me ever again” you snap shoving him on your way out making sure to slam the white door as hard as you could.

“Dont slam my fucking door” you hear his deep voice boom through the walls. So rightfully so you storm back to open it and slam it even harder. You hear “fucking brat” but refuse to not give him the satisfaction because realistically what the fuck was he going to do.

“Hey Y/n, what are you doing at the shop so late?” Yuji ask making Choso, Yuki and Toji look at you along with Maki who cuts the tattoo gun off pausing on her client.

“You being here this late only means one thing: you got a shipment of new tattoo ink or you and your little pink haired boyfriend are arguing…” she smirks, turning the gun back on. “And unless the mail started delivering on sundays id say the later”

“Its not my fault hes such an ass… and hes not my boyfriend” you cross your arms sitting at your station tinkering with all of the trinkets on your desk until you spot a 2x4 cutout of you and Sukuna from a photobooth you found at the movie theatres. Yanking it from its place on the mirror you lay it picture side down ignoring the little scribbles on the back.

So frustrated you tell them about the argument as theatrically as possible expecting for them to be on your side because he was wrong… as usual whenever you two argued which isnt often until recently but when you only receive snickers and hidden looks it only pushes you further into frustration.

“What is so funny, Maki?” You scowl at her crossing your arms over your chest before Choso burst out laughing.

“You two are so stupidly obsessed with another its comical, just last week you were calling him a slut for a woman texting him about a tattoo” she  cackles taking her glasses off because her eyes were watering from laughing so hard.

“She sent him a nude that he kept looking at, which was gross by the way” you stick your nose in the hair and brush your hair off your shoulder.

“She was sending him a picture of her leg” Yuji intercepts being an actual witness to the picture and argument. 

“Yeah and you could see her underwear, very unprofessional if you ask me. I just think if you are a shop owner you should have a bit more professionalism and not allow stuff like that” you shrug licking your gloss covered lips.

“Sukuna… professional? Youre on a roll tonight doll” Toji laughs at you this time spraying his station down with cleaning spray signifying he was done for the day and throwing everything into a big drawer as the rest of your coworkers laugh at the comment.

“You guys are actually the worst and to think i was telling him he should be nicer to you guys” you pout looking at the picture turned flat on your desk.

“I'm going to just say what nobody else is saying— that moron fucking likes you. Its kinda cute the way hes been pinning over you for the last few months” Yuki blurts twirling her blonde hair around her finger from Chosos lap who hisses her name.

“Dont get involved ive been in the middle of their fights, not worth it” he tells her and Yuji just agrees. Maki nor Toji cared enough to get involved preffering to just be bystanders, sometimes the cousins even made bets on who would win.

A solid two weeks goes by before Yuki intervenes. Two weeks of glares, blatantly ignoring another and even bumping shoulder because truth be told you two couldnt go to long without touching another.

Yuki listened as you called him everything but a child of God including a slut, whore, whoremonger and 7 other curse words she wasnt even sure people with a degrading kink would enjoy being called as the two of you watch him tattoo a woman who had obviously been flirting with him the whole time. 

Yuki nearly looses it when its thursday— your day of the week to control the aux so of course everyone is expecting to hear megan the stallion which you don’t disappoint especially playing her newest album. But its when BAS plays that you and sukuna may eye contact before you look away going back to unpacking your ink not missing a single word.

“Im acting like i dont know him in public you treat him like a prize i treat him like hes disgusting” you rap a bit to loudly and the tension gets high in the parlor everyones eyes floating over to him but hes already glaring at you, you feel his glare but choose to ignore him so he does the only thing he knows he can.

“Turn this shit off” he snaps getting up walking over to the power source but is stopped when you finally speak.

“If its not your day on the aux you cant touch it— your rules” you remind him not even flinching or missing a beat he stops looking over at you the first time youve said something to him in weeks your pink curls in a half up half down with two strands framing your face his favorite hair style on you and its like you were doing it on purpose.

 “We aint together but we together i hope nobody dont catch us” you keep going a second later this time your eyes meeting his through the mirror and he almost looses his cool when truth be told when it concerned you didnt take much. All eyes are back on him to see what his next plan of action is knowing hes not going to let you get away with it.

“New rule Megan is banned on thursdays” he smirks watching the way everyone turns back to you bracing for the argument to break out. But thats what he wanted… he was a menace and you knew better. You just unlock your phone with a grin turning on a worse song.

Aint shit by Doja cat and you watch the way his ears burn red with anger as you sing along. He wanted to burn everything down. You couldn't play anything if there wasn't somewhere to play it. But this wasnt a game he wanted to play with you… he didnt even wanna argue with you. He just didnt want you to talk to that white haired freak.

So with a few more hours of listening to your “indirect” shit talking songs somehow all of you survived the end of the night with nobody dying Sukuna ended up leaving early to go meet with Uraume.

 So it’s no shock when you run into Uraume at the entrance of your apartment who sends you a kind smile.

“Hello” they speak politely, bowing at you slightly and sending Yuki a look. Yuki wasn't their favorite person and vice versa but they managed… somehow.

“How are you, it's been too long” you smile, hugging them squeezing in a way that made them slightly uncomfortable as you usually did it being your running joke since Uraume acted so professional all the time. Unaware of the way Yuki snaps a picture and posts it on insta making sure to tag you in it with a small red heart and heart eyes opting out of tagging Uraume for obvious reasons with no idea of the storm that was beginning to brew.

You sigh tilting your head as your black gently used paintbrush glides across the canvas. You weren't supposed to be thinking of him. Weren't supposed to let him live rent free in your mind you were here taking this class with your friends trying to be more in touch with your softer feminine side with a half up half down hair style a black bow tying your now maroon dyed body wave bundles together with a pink crop top and white mini skirt.

Trying to get over your feelings, you were passed the anger now just kinda sad this was the longest you had gone without talking to the bane of your existance.

Ryomen sukuna.

So why were you painting a throne on a pile of skulls and bones while the paint instructor had a field of assorted flowers and a beautiful sky. Before you can dwell on it your phone rings and you roll your eyes at the contact.

“What Choso” you spit into the phone and not that you hated him it's just that every time he called it was for something stupid… every time and this time was no different.

“Fine, im sending you my location now. Besides i don't think this soft girl era class is working anyway” you admit after hearing his request noticing Maki was painting a sword with a gun at the hilt and Nobara was painting a self portrait with a flower in her hair.

“And you want me to believe I’m supposed to just go look him in his eyes and say “No Ryo you're not like this” and he's going to stop destroying everything in his path?” You ask boredly twisting a burgundy colored curl around your finger leaning back in the car seat watching the dark haired man next to you run a hand over his tired baggy eyes. He winces, sending you a quick glance leaning further into his leather car seats. He originally told you he needed to have a talk about Yuki but once you got in the car and saw Yuji you knew it was about Sukuna.

“We have to try something… Y/n… I know it's been 2 months but he's getting worse. Hes not just picking fights anymore he's beating the shit out of people, he's destroying bars and clubs getting us banned and i've bailed him out so many times i'm actually nervous he's going to start putting a dent in my bank account” Choso exclaims pulling up to the bar and you can hear the commotion from the car. 

There's a part of you that enjoys knowing hes spiraling without you. The fact that hes now a complete crash out and is so horrendously down bad for you it nearly makes your heart flutter. But you push that sick flattery down looking at yourself in the side mirror before applying more of your nyx butter gloss on your plump lips.

“If you don't do it for him can you do it for me…please.”Yuji, sukunas younger brother asks, leaning forward from the back seat tall body squishing inbetween the seats of you and Choso. His puppy dog eyes and innocent demeanor are overwhelming… how could you say no. Sighing you look over at Choso with your most vicious glare lash extensions giving you a softer look though and made you look more like a vixen than a murderer. 

“You're lucky he's too young to be a witness or accessory in your murder” you threaten before swinging your door open and climbing out. The bar doors feel heavy as you push it open and you feel disgusted even being here. It was where criminals hung out, where people sold drugs beyond just weed and a place nobody called the cops no matter what happened. You were a lady and had no reason being here. 

But when you’re eyes land on him it’s like everything comes rushing back. How you met, where you met your first kiss first gift first fight and the last. 

Was it shitty to stop coming to the shop whenever you knew he’d be there? Sure but you knew you weren't strong enough to do it with him around. All it would take is his eyes going soft on you and you'd fold.

It’s like he senses your energy, of course he could. He could spot you in a dark room he paused so much attention to you that he knew you anywhere. His eyes light up for just a second. There's a split moment of happiness before the rage returns 10 fold and he destroys everything in his path to you.

“I dont need you following me or doing anything out of pity” he gives you a bored expression before turning back to his messes he created with a proud look.

Scoffing, you look over towards Choso eyes catching a glimpse of the bar and actually looking at it this time. Bar stools were broken and destroyed, the pool table in half and bodies everywhere. The bartender wasnt even behind the bar. He nearly burned it down destroyed… everything. Its like he tore the bar down in search of something  and began throwing a tantrum beating everyone senseless when he couldnt find it.

Turning completely away from sukuna you send a “are you serious look” toward his brother before stepping over the large body of a man, the heel of your shoe getting stuck for a second in the sticky blood. This was beyond your scope, absolutely nothing you could do. He was too far gone.

“Where are you going?” His voice hitting such a soft timbre makes you freeze along with Yuji but Choso has a knowing look. Like he knew all it took was for you two to see another again he no longer feels bad about tricking you saying he wanted to hangout just to get you here.

Sukuna instantly realizes how he sounds and scrambles to let out his rough demeanor.

“How dare you turn your back on me, woman” he seethes and you hated when he called you that it sounded so derogatory. But it reveals something to the other two in the room: all the rough words and acts of aggression was just him being hurt… who would've thought the great sukuna would be hurting and acting out like this all because he missed you. 

He felt abandoned.

Turning back to him you look him directly in his eyes watching the internal battle, you can't even help your eyes trail over all the new muscles and ink on his body… he was the one shirtless in here.

“Dude you're standing in a pile of bodies people you picked fights with. I don't want to bail you out anymore” Choso says, frustrated with his brother who just glares at him unimpressed.

“So leave me i told you i don't need your money just leave me” he gritts out running a hand through his hair. 

“And yuji?” His brother ask

“Yuji will be fine— people leave” sukuna speaks making sure to put emphasis on people leave while looking at you. He didn't get to do that, he didn't get to put you in this situation.

“We’re leaving” you say looking at the door but nobody moves, especially Sukuna who turns his head away from you and it’s like you could feel the heat of the room increasing.

“I said WE’RE leaving” and you pick up his motorcycle helmet and jacket shoving it into his chest and turning to walk out not leaving room for him to disagree. You smile when his heavy footsteps can be heard behind you and he makes sure to push the door open for you so you don't have to touch it.

As much of an ass as he is, he still makes sure to help you on his bike even offering his jacket so you don't freeze or have to worry about your skirt raising up as well as his helmet that still had the stupid Kuromi sticker you put on it months ago.

When he climbs on turning on the bike the engine roaring to life you hesitate wrapping your arms around his midsection which he scoffs at though you miss it over the load roar that has you clinging tighter onto him.

He smirks looking back at you before the two of you are flying down The streets of shibuya his frustration mild as all he can think of is your with the skirt on. He was too good of a driver to let you fall but he still had concern and fuck the way you’re legs looked and when did you dye your hair and—

He slows down pulling in to the garage of your building pulling into his usual parking spot that was spray painted with fire and skulls before cutting the engine. The walk to your apartment is silent. He doesn't know what to say and the last time he said something to you it was the wrong thing. He was starting to fume hating that you had this power over him, hating that he couldn’t just open his fucking mouth and talk swearing that in a past life he must’ve had several that wouldn’t stop moving so now he’s cursed with one that can’t move.

“Thanks for walking me to my door” you awkwardly say twirling the helmet in your hands before giving it back to him, a Kuromi sticker a stark contrast to the deep blood red. He licks his lips, feeling the way you look at him and suddenly feeling so small under your gaze.

“You should probably stop picking fights with people” you finally offer breaking the silence and hes instantly folds.

“I didn’t want to argue with you! I just think you can do better than that fucking cocky ass loser. I can’t believe you still went out with him” he rolls his eyes.

“I meant at bars” you tell him watching the way he gives you a blank stare to arrogant himself to acknowledge his own wrongs.

“And i didn’t go out with him” you add watching him scoff pulling out his phone and holding it up to you. The picture of you hugging Uraume only you can’t tell it’s them just you hugging a man with bright white hair screenshotted from Yuki's instagram.

“D’you think im a fucking idiot?!” He snaps, nearly crushing the phone in his hand which only causes you to laugh as you walk into your apartment kicking off your heels at the door. He follows only because he wants a explanation you were blatantly laughing in his face after being caught in a lie why the fuck was it so funny.

“Is that why your hair is red now? And you started wearing more makeup? And dressing more girly? And stopped coming to the shop as much” alright this was word vomit because what was he saying and what the fuck was he doing? He doesn't waste time with feelings such as these? Doesn’t care about insolent feelings like l—

“You’re an idiot if you don’t realize that’s your own fucking lap dog— its Uraume. They were outside and we were catching up i guess Yuki snapped the picture cause she thought it was cute” you giggle with a hand over your mouth watching as realization sets in.

“And my hair is maroon not red like the color of your eyes but obviously you hate it and my outfit and obviously you hate me because you went two months without talking to me and—“ your dramatically faint in his arms watching the way he smirks down at you when you peak an eye open missing the way it felt being so close to him and how quick his arms wrap around your midsection to stop you from falling.  In a split second your cheek is being cupped in his large palm and his lips are on yours. 

You aren’t expecting it arent expecting the softness of the action or his lips making your whole body freeze and eyes shut. 

Oh.

OH.

FUCK!

He couldn’t help himself honestly his brain moved faster than his body he hasn’t even processed what he did and now he has to find a new tattoo artist, explain to everyone why you won’t be working there any more find a new tiny woman to annoy him and a cliff to throw himself off of—

“I knew this lip gloss made my lips kissable” and he’s back looking down at you with a bewildered expression watching  the way you smile up at him still in his arms a slight dazed look to your eye and he swears he can see the little hearts in your pupils.

“I do hate you” he hisses with a smile pulling your lips back to his and this time you kiss back your hand reaching up to tug him closer making sure he knew exactly how you felt, letting your teeth graze his bottom lip pulling a small growl from him.

“Yeah. I like you too”

[noxiousgrace]

I have so many thoughts about the sealed god arc i don't even KNOW where to start

I'm just gonna vomit screenshots and analyze them

MOMMY! sorry

MOMMY! Oh my god Violan is so badass and motherly i am absolutely IN LOVE WITH HER!!!! MY MARTIAL ARTS QUEEN I BET SHE KICKS ABSOLUTE ASS

She's so dedicated to protecting her family i absolutely love her character 😭 SHE'S SO BADASS!!! ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE WAS DEALING WITH THE FAKE HILLSMAN BRO I GOT CHILLSS

She'll move mountains for her babies!!!!!

,,,, moving on ヽ⁠(⁠(⁠◎⁠д⁠◎⁠)⁠)⁠ゝ

Cale cares about raon SO FUCKING MUCH that raon was able to differentiate the 2 people inside of that lackeys body

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

HE'S SUCH A GOOD DAD щ⁠(⁠゜⁠ロ⁠゜⁠щ⁠)

HE WAS RAISED SO HORRIBLY AND IS ALWAYS MAKING SURE HIS KIDS GET A BETTER LIFE THAN HE DID!!!! OH MY GOD

THE THING RAON HAD NEVER FELT BEFORE WAS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE :CCCC AND CALE IS SHOWERING HIM IN IT IN HIS OWN WAY!!! THAT STOIC BASTARD I LOVE HIM!!!! (⁠ﾉ⁠≧⁠∇⁠≦⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠ ⁠ﾐ⁠ ⁠┻⁠━⁠┻

Kim rok soos indignity test. Bro. BRO.

-#+#+£+#;£+#(£@)£()#+£(#;£!@-#(-1(2-@+#-£

BRO

Omllll

I FUCKING HATE HIS UNCLE SO MUCH I HATE HIN IF UCKSUSH+#+#+*!#(#(@)+#(@+#!@;£

HE NEEDS TO FUCKING DIE

A slow and painful death!!!!

(⁠＾⁠3⁠＾⁠♪

I want his companions to know about everything he went through just so that they can exact the most SATISFYING REVENGE EVER

THE MORE I THINK ABOUT IT THE MORE PISSED OFF I GET

CHOI HAN PRAISING KRS WAS PROBABLY THE FIRST TIME KIM ROK SOO HAS HEARD PRAISE SINCE HIS PARENTS DIED

Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME

THAT LITTLE BABY WAS SO FUCKING BAFFLED THAT CHOI HAN WAS ACTUALLY BEING NICE TO HIM :CCCC

I'm sick

I'M PHYSICALLY ILL

Anyway

Oh my god

These lines are each a stab in my heart

I know he had the least death toll during his time as team leader, but i just know for a fact every subordinate he lost HAUNTED HIM

THE FAILURE OF SURVIVING AGAINST THE UNRANKED MONSTER ALONE 😭 his sense of responsibility FUCKING KILLS ME 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I'm just saying this was probably the white stars curse ruining his health

Cuz if we recall, the white stars curse included an everlasting pain in his body, each breath he took felt like he was dying

And it's probably this faint because choi jung gun tells kim rok soo that the god of death is trying to take the curse back from KRS so it doesn't affect him

GRAH

I have more screenshots and thoughts,,, will share them later

[kawaiibarty]

ONG YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME APOLOGISING FOR THOSE TWO ✋🏼😭

them fuckers are FUCKED UP

snape snape seeeeverus snape

DUMBLEDORE

sigh, no amount of "always" will make me love snape. tf you mean "i'll drag the werewolf. perhaps the dementors will have a kiss for him too."

mf gROW UP

[lnkedmyheart]

Could you name or point out particular moments in certain lns and manga panels that shows dazai's vulnerability and humanity bc bones really messed up my memory 😭

Oda's death scene.

Mori killing the old boss, Dazai genuinely looks like a traumatized numb child.

That one panel from 15 where Mori has hin strapped to a table to keep him from killing/hurting himself.

Dazai when he finally gets the confirmation that Ango is a traitor.

Dazai when he tries to get Oda to seek out a new life and transfer some of his own hope to the guy and failing.

Several scenes in 15 and sb when he is enamoured by Chuuya's coolness (though he wont admit it).

Dazai's speech to Chuuya in 15 when Chuuya is looking for something human in his face and agrees to his plan when he finds it.

Dazai's speech about choices to Chuuya in sb as well as his willingness to risk the city for him. And his relief when Chuuya chooses to use corruption anyway.

Dazai realizing that Chuuya was stunned that Adam cared enough to sacrifice everything for him at the end of sb and chuckling.

Dazai's tenderness with the kid in the Dazai's entrance exam ln.

Him throwing away his life for the ADA in 55 minutes.

Him risking his life for the city in Dead apple and that entire scene with Chuuya post the dragon fight.

Speaking of the dragon fight Dazai's miserable behaviour after his fight with Chuuya during the dragon head incident and him pulling Chuuya into his lap after.

The entirety of beast is just an exploration of Dazai falling apart. But the worst is his final confrontation with Oda when he realizes he never did understand Oda or his words and now his best friend hates him. Every single iteration of it.

There was no need to smile tenderly down at an unconscious ex partner or fold his clothes. Nor was there a need to be gentle with him after the dragon fight in dead apple.

Probably more that I can't remember right now.

[ijumpbridges]

Hi! Can i request Dr. Clef with a non-binary reader who can see ghosts?

(keep up the good work ;3)

Dr. Clef with a non-binary reader who can see ghost

A lgbtq+ request? Kiss me WHO SAID THAT

Edit: im really sorry this didn’t came out sooner that pass three days i got caught up in a trip 😭

•••

You work at the foundation in the forensic science division.

Dr. Clef was assigned to you for a new Scp case he was working on.

He was glad to know that he was going to work with his spouse.

In this case you were going to get the results of dead of D-classes and the cause of it and the effects of their death and how the scp was involve in this situation and more.

This meant that you might encounter the spirits of the dead d-classes on your lab with Clef in there.

You had confess this to him a long time ago when you two started dating and he also told you he can do that too.

The thing is Clef has a third eye he can also see ghost, but he can rather control it when to see ghost, but you cant.

The foundation has so many dead people wondering around that you don’t even have a clue if they are real people or not.

This had cause some issues on your end with the foundation making an investigation on you because they suspected you suffering from schizophrenia.

Thankfully it was dismissed but they kept an eye on you for it. Clef also knew this and he helped you out, he said that you should try making physical contact even if you hated it, at least ghost weren’t physically real and prevented you from knowing who is real or not.

You always prevented on making conversation or engaging with ghosts but sometimes they would get so bold, that it was crazy.

Like one time you gave Clef a kiss on the hallway and someone said the F-slur and that made you turn to look at them and awkwardly laugh.

Clef notice it and asks you about it, opening his third eye to see the person and why were you laughing like that, after you told him he scared the person away or send them away.

Remember he said he was satan? Well he can send and bring spirits back from the spiritual realm.

Another incident is when you were going to the bathroom, someone followed you to one of the gender neutral bathrooms, and the went inside of the toilet area with you.

You call that out because what the in the absolutely f were they thinking, feeling so uncomfortable you left the bathroom and decide to go another time.

•••

“Do you mind?” You said turning around in disgust at the person behind you devide to transpass the door to look at you pee.

“What are you?” She asked.

“None of your business, get out!” You yelled, and she laughed. She knew you couldn’t do anything against her, so you have to leave.

At 3:55 pm you went back to the bathroom, while you both were in there he opened his third eye and had already knew someone was up the moment that weird woman started following you both, but kept acting like he didn’t know anything.

He sat down on the sink while you went in, the ghost woman came in and the moment she got close to the stall he got in the way. He made sure she knew that he could see her, and made a ‘no’ movement with his head while smiling.

The woman smile and tried trespass him, but something was wrong, when she tried she bumped into him, it was weird. Her smile faded away. She attempted many times, but it was useless.

Clef decide to use his powers to send them away, since he is satan and he can send them to limbo. You notice because of the scream and the change of reality becoming dark and smoke coming inside. You didn’t care much, and came out with everything being normal. You smile and wen up to hin and gave him a kiss, telling him that you love him.

•••

Clef always kept you safe from them and you love him so much for it.

You know what he does too?

Once you tried arguing with a ghost around and he took a video of you, with the snapchat captions saying ‘Look at my poor spouse, they are having another schizo attack again, talking to walls 😔’

He posts it and you got called down again, this time they had to get him to say that it was a joke, and when he was supposed to he never came he only came down they foundation try to kick you out.

At least he told them that it was you arguing with him.

Clef can also do astro traveling, to visit you at night trying to scare you at night or just to touch you or lay down next to you.

Which is weird, but at least he does help you to get other evil spirits who tried to hurt you.

He is an asshole but at least he loves you and will help you.

[chuuyascumsock]

i swear to god bro i think my delusions possessed me for a second when i called my friend chuuya 😭😭 ANYWAYS

let's talk about highschooler chuuya again because i hate school!!!

i don't think chuuya isn't much of a student-leadership (like student council) kind of guy in school. but then he gets recommended to be one anyway so he just goes along w it.....

me personally i feel like chuuya is quite a well-known student, considering he's probably on the school's team and participates in championships and leagues and shit... and he gets into fights often with a few people... (cough cough dazai)

NOW FAV SUBJECTS!! i think he likes science and pe!!! in pe, he is THAT mf who is a TRYHARD (but he's insanely good). this fucker will motivate his team to do their best and screams "CATCH THE FUCKING BALL" at them 🥰🥰 he'd def check up on them if one of them got hurt as well!!! if this was a team thing he'd def target said person who hurt them. (fighting fire with fire!!!)

as for science, i think he finds some topics super interesting and some super boring. science g ets hin confused a lil but he enjoys it!!! esp doing practicals and a bit of physics!!!! (dazai makes fun of him for enjoying it and ehm not me remindinf myself i'll have to take physics for my course soon to become an architech.... fuck no way am i becoming a doctor.) least favorite subjects, i think chuuya just hates everything LMFAO. it's just boring and doesn't interest him that much unlike science or sports. jhe doesn't like writing or just listening to take down notes and is much more of a practical person!! (he's a bit fascinated w art but he isn't that creative and his works usually look a bit poorly done despite his hard effort)

I AM ALSO A FIRM BELIEVER THAT CHUUYA'S STUDY HABITS ARE VERY INCONSISTENT!!! (same chuuya same) like he's a good student (despite getting into fights and forgetting to keep himself tidy...) and gets good grades but i feel like sometimes he just doesn't give a FUCK about studying (he finds it boring) but does so anyway because he knows that theres no way he's gonna remember all these shit equations. (hc he forgot he had an upcoming test and pulled an all nighter just to study and somehow got an A despite his lack of energy and focus to answer the questions) OH YEAH his notes are messy but as long as he remembers the important bits and can read his handwriting then he's good to go!!! (i hc chuuya's handwriting is rlly messy cursive handwriting)

when doing exams and tests i think chuuya is like. chill but STRESSED. it looksl ike he doesn't give a fuck but then u see his scrunched up sweating face when doing his paper and it looks like he just wants to rip it into shreds!!!! (he's probably done that before, though.) he's doing his best g.uys......

OVERRALL he's a good student guys (almost) !!!!!!!

(DID YOU NOTICE I BARELY SPELLED ANYTHINF WRONG IN MY ENTIR E PARAGRAPHS OF HIGHSCHOOL CHUUYA HCS OMG)

-lili/anon that cant spell

I feel like Chuuya would be the type to go “idgaf about school” but then try his best to get good grades. Nerd in disguise of a jock type of beat. Bro just wants a good education 😩

AND SPEAKING OF CHUUYA, DO I HAVE A LITTLE SURPRISE SMUT FIC COMING UP FOR Y’ALL??! Here’s a lil sneak peak 🤭

[megabuild]

Fanon ruined grian for me. I remember I used to run home from school to see if he'd uploaded yet and if not, I'd watch all his hermitcraft s7 again.

However, ppl look at every bit of minor thing for grian and say "POOR ANGST" bur Scar is legit over here, turned into a vex, been alone the ll, been betrayed by GRIAN in double life (I rlly loved that plot. Its fanon that made me hate it hy turning it into grian angst.)

Also, I was reading Bdubs angst and the author was like "lol im addicted to angifying bdubs" and NO JOKE the WHOLE comments were "at least its not grian"

Ever since then I just can't stand to watch grian now. I love him, I love his personality. I can sit down for HOURS and watch hin, but fanon has ruined him by making him an uwu oc.

the grian haters are flocking to my blog rn. this is so real though i honestly sort of gave up watching grian's limited life pov because i knew my dash was going to beat by beat recap it over the course of the next week anyway 😭 i do love him though

[justsomeoneunordinary]

started watching till the end of the moon yesterday, am only on ep 7 and fuck i am OBSESSED

the main character is THEE most female blorbo of all time???? she's smart, she's cunning, she's charming, she's brave but god is she fucking dumb and just such a silly goose. she's like "i must stop the evil overlord from becoming the evil overlord but i can't kill him, what do it do??? oh yes, i will make him fall in love with me by pretending to be in love with him while i still hate his guts with every fibre of my being and wish hin dead :D". she might be The Chosen One but by god is she bad at it 😭♥️♥️

an enemies to lovers story who still betray and try to kill each other any given opportunity pls i am Obsessed. evil overlord turned good by becoming simping malewife but first they need to get past the stage of wanting to kill one another, so what we basically get is:

evil overlord: i am going to kill everyone!!!! >:)

wife: 🥺 pls don't

evil overlord: ... 'k. guess there's still some beauty in the world. everyone can live today

wife: yay 🥰 *tries to stab him 10 minutes later*

evil overlord: :O! *is evil again*

absolute fucking mess, i am in love with them 😭♥️

also all the women in this show are so fucking hot hnngg

[noirvette]

just read chapter 10 and ngl the “twitter porn accounts” made me laugh 😔 I DONT WANNA LAUGHT AT KENNT HES NOT FUNNY I DONT LIKE HIN ‼️‼️🪼‼️

but

hdkshd 😭😭

NO BC I LAUGHED SO HARD MAKING THAT COMMENT. sitting behind my phone snorting bc it was such a kenny thing to say imo

i have to make kenny somewhat enjoyable ..partly. we can all still hate him tho !!

[myllovellybones]

The way I literally RAN to your page when I saw you updated

Erryk turns back to you, brows knit in confusion. When you you make your way towards him, he clenches his jaw and averts his gaze. The shift you were swimming in was stuck flush on your body, leaving little to his imagination. He was glad to have the foresight to bring you a change of clothes and a towel, and, my, was the pattern on the said towel so very interesting.

Oo la la someone has a crush! Props to him for being such a gentleman tho!👏🏼 I'm loving the way you write how him and Arryks love for reader develops!

"Arryk turns back to you, then lowers his gaze, "the queen... the queen has passed."

NOOO AEMMAAA 😭😭😭

"She could not deliver the babe herself. The maesters... had to intervene."

I will ALWAYS hate Viserys for what he did to Aemma. She did not deserve that especially because of how afraid she was of dying in childbirth 😭 you've officially made me cry.

He speaks your name slowly before continuing, "as of yesterday, they have confirmed to me that you are with child."

WHAAATT?!?! HOW?! First of all it's creepy as fuck how he does not care for the privacy of his daughter and was watching her SO CLOSELY that he knew before she even did. Otto Hightower they could never make me like you😒

"You were not there."

I love Daemon so much but his audacity never fails to cease me

You lift your gaze then raise brow at him, "you did not want me there. Do you not recall how you cursed at me?"

Exactly girl tell him!!!

"I—" your throat tightens and soon you can no longer look at him. You want to beg him to stay, but you recall how you did that with your father, and your mother, and your brother— begging does not make people stay. You whisper, "I... I'm terrified."

NOO POOR BABY 😭 I'm so glad he chose to stay like YES!! WE'RE WINNING!!

The slow burn is burning its so good and how Daemon is slowly realizing he cares for her and want her to actually care for him hin return instead of how it was the beginning😍

Tormented Spirit | 7

Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

"Is it such a sin to stand up for yourself?" you mutter as tears blur your vision. The way he reacted was visceral, instinctive even. "You never have to stand up for yourself ever again," says Daemon, reaching a hand to you, "come."

Daemon Targaryen x Hightower!Reader | 5k+ | cw: fem!reader, reader has brown hair, wife!reader, twin!Gwayne, arranged/forced marriage, canon divergence, alternate universe, slow burn, smut (cunnilingus, piv, choking, degradation, slight sadism), DD:DNE, panic/anxiety attacks, daddy issues/child abuse/family problems, mentions/depictions of mental/physical/psychosomatic illness, ye old misogyny, angst, typos, etc.

A/N: again the high valyrian is internet translated so lol. please consider leaving comments/reblogs because they really help me with the fic. might make another poll for next chapter stay tuned. | cross posted on ao3

@arabellasleopardcoat

Taking you to the hidden stream was simultaneously the best and worst decision Erryk's ever made in his life. The look of you was holy. His intense focus on your form was to ensure your safety, but, by the gods, it felt sinful to behold your dark hair and light fabric ebbing in the water.

He had hoped a swim would lift your spirits, just as flower picking did, but he did not know it would draw such a tempest out of you. It was as though you were reborn. You plunged into the water and shed all your inhibitions. Your voice became brighter, as did your eyes. You were flooded with more than a dozen memories of you and your twin swimming in the river near your home in Oldtown, and you recounted all of them so excitedly to Erryk.

"Oh!' you exclaim, flipping in the water to get to your feet. You point to something behind your ward, making him turn around. In that split second, you hold in your laughter and grab something from the mossy rocks. Innocently, you say, "that reminds me of something."

Erryk turns back to you, brows knit in confusion. When you you make your way towards him, he clenches his jaw and averts his gaze. The shift you were swimming in was stuck flush on your body, leaving little to his imagination. He was glad to have the foresight to bring you a change of clothes and a towel, and, my, was the pattern on the said towel so very interesting.

"What is a frogs favorite game?" you ask so suddenly.

Erryk turns to you, brows furrowing, "pardon?"

"Tell me the frogs' favorite game, ser," you repeat as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Frogs favored game?" he repeats slowly, realizing now that your expression was mockingly innocent. He hums, "I cannot say I-"

"HOPSCOTCH!"

A frog comes leaping into Erryk's face, nearly causing him to topple as he dodges it. He's so flabbergasted by the turn of events, he calls out your name in offence. He is doubly offended by your laughter. His eyes go wide as you hunch forward, leaning on your knees.

"Villain," your ward mutters, scoffing far too many times.

You can barely catch your breath. You fan your face, "frog-ive me."

Erryk's face only contorts further.

"I could not-" you gasp for air, "could not help it."

In truth, if it was any other who did such a childish thing, he'd have shoved them in the water. Alas, you appeared only more beauteous as you made him a fool.

"Forgive me," you repeat in more serious manner, "Gwayne used to scare me this way often. I wished only to know how it felt, and now..." you giggle, "I can't say I blame my brother for constantly pulling tricks on me."

He huffs and shakes his head, "well. I'm glad to have pleased you, my ever-so-kind princess."

You offer him a guilty smile, "apologies."

Erryk shakes his head, "no. Truly. I am glad to see you in such a state."

You fidget with your fingers as a shiver runs down your spine.

He is quick to unravel your towel. He places it on your shoulders, "perhaps we should go back. The sunset is nigh."

You nod, taking your change of clothes from him next.

He turns around offering you your privacy. It takes a while, but you manage to dress yourself. Once you had your shoes on, you dry your hair with your towel and take his arm, "would you please lace up my dress?"

He nods, avoiding your gaze as he feels his face burn. He quickly laces you up then you return to the Keep.

You both had been laughing, up until you made it past the castle gates, promptly being silenced by the loud shout, "PRINCESS!"

Arryk runs over, charging for his brother. Their steel plates collide as Arryk yanks his twin, "where in gods name did you take her?"

Erryk furrows his brows, "we visited a stream-"

"The Keep is in disarray!" Arryk grits his teeth, hissing under his breath, "everyone's looking for her. Everyone."

You watch the twins huddle close and bicker. As it escalates, you try try to come between them, "Arryk. I was the one who asked him to take me outside the keep."

Arryk does not hear you at first, dead set on arguing with his twin. When you repeat your words the second time however, he turns to you, face softening a fraction. He knits his brows turning back to this brother, whispering something that makes Erryk turn to you with wide eyes, "fuck."

"Why?" you look at them in concern, "what it is?"

Arryk opens his mouth, but Erryk grabs his arm and says, "wait."

"There's no other way to say it," Arryk snaps, ripping his arm out his grip.

"Say what?" you knit your brows.

Arryk turns back to you, then lowers his gaze, "the queen... the queen has passed."

Your jaw drops. Your eyes widen. Your hand immediately covers your mouth. The three of you do not speak for a prolonged moment.

You feel your stomach roll, "w-what happened?"

"She could not deliver the babe herself. The maesters... had to intervene."

Intervene? You could not possibly understand what that could mean, and you find that you do not want to. You shake your head, "and her babe? Is- is her babe well at least?"

Arryk clenches his jaw, "she sired a prince named Baelon... he apparently grows weaker by the hour."

You feel bile rise up your throat.

"Your father and your siblings have been looking for you since news broke."

You shake your head, and gather your skirts.

"As has the prince."

Your face twitches at the thought. You do not delay and make your way inside the Keep.

As you tread the halls, you think about what the queen told you just mere hours ago. There is a sharp twinge in your belly as simultaneously remember how Aemma told you to go cheer for Daemon at the tourney and realize you will never hear a word from her ever again. The thought washes over you like water on the beach, sobering but thankfully not overwhelming.

You hadn't realized you had your head bowed until you hear your name called. You still as you look up, the twins halt behind you.

Otto marches over, brows and jaw tight as ever, "where in gods name have you been?"

You straighten your back as he stops before you, "I-"

"Your wards are double," he turns to the kingsguards, "and doubly useless, it seems."

"Father," you step into his line of sight, "do relieve your rage on them."

Your father turns back to you, expression softening a fraction at your referral. You had not called him father since your argument in the maester's office. He looks at you— takes a good look at you and your sad eyes, your knit brows, your frowning lips. Your hair was darker than it was normally, and as he reaches out for it, he found it was, in fact, damp, "where have you been?"

"I..." you gulp and take a deep breath, "went swimming."

He releases your hair, tilting his head, "with whom? Gwayne has gone."

You pull your head back, "G-Gwayne's gone?"

"The tourney is over. The road is long. He has no reason to stay," Otto says.

Your brows tighten as you shake your head, "he... he didn't... wait for me?"

Otto watches your lips quiver. He watches your nose twitch. When your chest begins to visibly rise and fall, he shakes his head, "what did I tell you?"

You stare blankly at him.

He takes your hands, "what is it I always tell you?"

You clench your jaw and huff through your nostrils, "do not waste your tears on things you cannot change."

Otto rubs your knuckles as he shakes his head again. He gives the Cargyll brothers a look before walking off with you. They make sure to keep their distance before following after.

You turn to your father as he links your arm into his. You are certain, with how he cannot look at you, that he means to tell you something grave. You look front and mimic his demeanor— distant, cold. You are his daughter, face and temperance.

"You enjoyed your swim at least?" he starts, "you are calm?"

You gulp, mentally preparing yourself for what will surely come next. Your voice still falters though, "ye-s."

Otto nods, still not turning to you, "many has occurred since your marriage to Daemon. You admitted you did not consummate your marriage on your wedding night and I was deeply concerned you would fail your duties in producing heirs, especially if your husband was not interested in you."

Your jaw clenches.

"But with the apparent... change of heart your husband has shown, you should know I've had the maesters closely monitor your state."

You knit your brows at that, "you mean my affliction?"

He speaks your name slowly before continuing, "as of yesterday, they have confirmed to me that you are with child."

You whip your head to him and pull away.

Otto does not look at you with the same sense of urgency.

"W-what?"

He sees the fear on your features. He offers a solemn expression and takes your cheeks when your eyes water, "this is good. You should delight, not tremble."

You try to speak but nothing coherent comes out.

"The Queen is dead. Go to your husband and comfort him with this news."

Your mouth goes dry and your father wipes the tears that fall from your eyes. He your name softly. Your sad face looks the exact same it did when his wife died. My baby is having a baby. He frowns and pulls away.

You try to take his hand, but he slips away.

"See her off," the Hand instructs your wards.

Erryk is quick to go to your side, whereas Arryk stares at the back of Otto's head, his lips curling as he did.

"Princess," Erryk says, cautiously reaching your arm.

You turn to him with wide eyes before scratching your tears away, "I-"

"Perhaps you should sit down first."

You pull away from him before he can touch you. The action makes Erryk pull back, an unsavory sensation spreading in his mouth and belly.

"I want to- I—" you take a breath, "I need to find-" you shake your head and begin speeding down the hall.

You were nearly about to break into a sprint, and your wards had to jog up to your side to keep up with you. You don't really know where you're going, but you're getting there, fast.

"Princess, please, slow down," one says.

You can feel your breath and your pulse in your ears.

"Princess."

You find yourself in the halls near one of the gate of the keep. The only reason why you stop is because you hear the voice of your twin. Your breath catches as you lurch towards the window. Gwayne was laughing with one of the guards, already on his horse. Your brows furrow, he couldn't possibly be well enough to be riding on horseback.

You realize quickly this is your last opportunity to go be with your brother, to pull him into an embrace, to worry on him, to tell him your worries, to kiss him goodbye. You know you have to act now and swiftly, but you cannot seem to move.

Your mind is heavy as you think about how your brother is set to leave regardless of your desire to keep close; he said it himself, his place can never be at your side. Though he is the only person who've ever relied on, you know now— you rub your belly, that can no longer be the case. There is only one person you can rely on now... yourself.

It is painful to pull away from the window, but you do, clenching your hands into fists before walking away.

You don't really walk away however, because then, you're frozen in place at the sight of your husband standing a few paces away from you, "Daemon."

He stares at you wordlessly.

You walk towards him, careful as you drag your feet.

He tilts his head and clenches his jaw, "he's leaving any moment now."

You nod, "I know."

"Go to him," he says softly.

"I-"

"Go to him!" he snaps.

You stiffen at his expression. You were adept with anger but he did not look angry. You stop in your tracks, trying to make sense of his restless figure.

Daemon watches you fidget with your fingers.

"If it is your command, I shall obey."

He chuckles dryly, pacing around his spot. He wipes his mouth then charges over, stopping just in front of you. He scoffs when you do not flinch, in disbelief of your constitution. His nostrils flare, "you know my feelings towards your twin."

You slowly shrug, "then you'll be glad to know I came looking for you."

Daemon does not move.

"You know how I feel about my brother..." you mutter, "but..." you lower your gaze, "I'm coming to terms with the fact I can no longer rely on him... it will be better this way."

It takes a moment, but Daemon chuckles. When you look up and his smirk fades. Your beady eyes make it hard to find satisfaction. "So, you will not go to him?" he asks.

You stare.

"You do not want to go to him?"

Your lips part.

He raises his brows.

"I... I do."

Anger rises up his belly, but as if on cue, the sound of horses and carriages moving is heard. You clench your jaw and lower you gaze to prevent yourself from looking back at the window. The prince cannot seem to win, for he should be pleased you did not see your brother off, and yet your sadness leaves sour jealousy in his mouth— he was your husband.

The Cargyll twins look upon you both, appalled by the cruelty of the prince to keep you here as Gwayne leaves for good. Erryk in particular feels restless, unable to stop shifting and fidgeting with his scabbard.

"Shall... shall we go?" you mutter, slowly looking up.

Daemon watches you place a hand on his bicep. He responds only by following you after giving your wards a dismissive look.

The brothers turn to each other, each as unwilling as the other to leave you, but they do anyway.

Daemon is acutely aware of the warmth of your cheek against his arm as you tread down the halls. When, you arrive at your marriage chambers, Daemon opens the door and you notice the bandage wrapped around his hand. He struggles because of this. Once you're inside, you take his arm, eyes trained on his injury, "what happened to your hand?"

Daemon's eyes are fixed on the line between your brows.

"Did you break it?" you turn to him with furrowed eyes.

He pulls away slowly. He wants to know what you'd do next.

"Did you wrap it yourself? It's badly done."

He faintly snorts, "it's on my right hand."

"I'll do it for you," you say, walking towards the vanity.

Daemon follows, watching you procure scissors and vials and other things. You turn to him, motioning to the chair. He sits down, gaze fixed upon you as you take his arm again.

Your eyes are focused on undoing his wrap, "tell me if it hurts,"

His are fixed on your focused expression, "you should sit down."

"I'm fine."

"I want you to sit down," he uses his other hand to grab your wrist.

You stop and turn to him. You turn to the chair across the room but Daemon prevents you from doing so and simply spreads legs, pulling you between his thighs. Quickly, you are sat on his lap and tense look at him. He offers you his injured hand again as his other goes around you, clinging to your hip. He pulls you in, leaning his head against yours to say, "it's a cut, by the way."

You furrow your brows at his admission. You allow yourself a moment to relax before continuing your task. You find it is, in fact, a cut, deep and ugly, "did your lance splinter very badly?"

"No."

You furrow your brows deeper as you turn to him,

"This is glass."

"Glass?" you brow raise, "how did you hurt your hand with glass?"

Daemon licks his lips as he looks at yours. He shrugs, "I broke a bottle."

You pull your head back, "on accident?"

"On purpose," he tilts his head.

You huff and start cleaning his wound, "was the violence in the tourney insufficient?"

He chuckles through his nostrils, "I did not fucking win."

You smear balm on his wound. You do not reply.

It makes him clench his jaw, "and you..."

"..."

"You were not there."

You do not tear your gaze from his injury.

He grumbles, "did you even hear me?"

You lift your gaze then raise brow at him, "you did not want me there. Do you not recall how you cursed at me?"

Your gall makes anger rise up his throat.

You continue wrapping up his hand.

"Well, you were being a bitch," he snaps.

"Why?"

His brows furrow.

"Why was I being a bitch?"

"..."

You spare him a quick glace.

He pulls his head back, "... what?"

"Did I not do my duty?" you turn to him, face blank, "I followed you, congratulated you, inquired of your injuries. I submitted to your desires. Where did I err?" You ask in earnest, "what do you want from me?"

His face contorts. Now that he was faced with such an opportunity, he finds himself unable to speak. What did he want from you?

You wait for him to reply. You prepare yourself for preposterous requirements but you are met only his silence. In that moment, you remember he was just a man. Many a man enjoyed making women suffer. You gulp, thinking about your father.

Perhaps your father was lying. Perhaps he wants you to believe you are with child to get even. After all, Daemon never... finished in you. How then could you be with child?

You secure the binding on his hand, "it is finished."

Daemon does not bother looking at his hand.

"How do you feel?"

He feels a strong urge to shake you... to pull you close.

"My deepest sympathies for the death of your cousin."

He freezes. Right. The queen was dead. He lowers his gaze.

You frown and reach for his cheek. You second guess however and bring your palm to his shoulder instead, "I am here for you, my prince."

His eyes meet yours.

"I am here to care and comfort you."

He leans back, taken by the thought.

You drink in his demeanor, the softness in his eyes, the tension that falls of his shoulders. You release a breath, "if that is what you desire, speak plainly, and do not repel me. Do not ask me to leave if, in fact, you want me to stay."

His throat tightens. He feels like he is ensnared in a bear trap. He rips at his collar, "I... I have other injuries." He pushes you off and paces around as he undoes his top. It is a struggle for him, but he cannot stop or stay still, "cuts and bruises."

You watch as he fidgets and slowly walk over.

"I don't-"

"Daemon."

He stills.

You come in front of him and undo his top yourself. You drop it mindlessly, and once he is bare, he feels conscious under your scrutiny for some reason. You brush your fingers on his ribs, making goosebumps form on his skin. He can't say that that has ever happened to him before. You notice and rub his arms, eyes locked on his torso.

He feels himself getting hard.

"Did you tend to these yourself as well?" you brush over a cut on his hip.

Oh. You were still examining him. He only hums in response.

You frown, "did no maester come to your tent?"

"I..." he starts.

You circle around him, inspecting for other injuries.

"...wanted you to come to my tent."

You come to his side. He finds the frown on your face. You take a moment before saying, "you tended to your wounds well at least."

"I want you."

You nod, "I will tend to you—"

Daemon takes your nape, lowering his head to kiss your lips. It takes a moment for you to relax, and his belly burns at the sound you make when you do. Your hands come to his sides and your nails graze faintly into his flesh.

He pushes you back until your laid on the bed beneath him. His kisses trail down your skin as he works to get you naked. He kisses your shoulder, then your sternum. He makes sure to lick your breast and leave a mark on your rib before peppering kisses down your belly.

Your breath grows heavy when he lingers by your womb, sucking kisses on your skin. Your throat tightens think of your father's words again. It makes you tense, and Daemon feels it. Of course, he doesn't know about your conversation with Otto, and thinks your tension comes from your self-consciousness.

You lift your head, pulling a pillow beneath it, and look down at your husband. You reach for him, tangling your fingers in his silver hair, "Daemon."

He hums, nipping your flesh in response.

You try to sit up, "D-Daemon, I-"

He shushes you, pushing down on your hip bone. He looks up at you, muttering something in High Valyrian.

"Please, Daemon, wait-"

"Be still," he says, violet eyes hooded, "do I not take care of you?"

Your breath hitches as he sinks down.

"Do you not enjoy my mouth?"

"I- that's not-"

"Do you or do you not?"

"I... I do—"

You are not able to speak after he buries his face between your thighs. You are reduced to breathy cries and a twisting spine. Daemon, though he continues to hold you down, relishes every second of it and feasts more ardently. He sighs, securing your thighs on his shoulders, nudging his face deeper into you, his nose brushing against your pearl.

He relishes how quickly your wetness builds, and soon, he feels your arousal dribbling down his chin. He moans, nails biting crescent moons into your skin. Your belly rises and falls in sync with the crescendo of your mewls. At this point, both your hands are tangled into his hair, and your pulling and scratching only further inspires his tongue.

You call out his name, screwing your eyes shut as you throw your head back and arch your body. Quickly, your belly tightens and you sequentially dig your heels into his shoulder blades. He squeezes your thighs enough to make them bruise, and yet the pain is what pushes you into orgasm, garnering a lewd and loud sound from your mouth.

Daemon hums, lifting his face just enough to see yours as he brings you to peak. He moans at your expression, grinding his hips into the cushion, desperate for friction.

Your body trembles, unable to settle as his burning mouth persists on your molten mound. You begin to squeak and he catches the moment you open your eyes to look at him all teary. It drives him mad. With a deep inhale, he pulls away, wiping his chin before he undoes his breeches.

You relax and catch your breath, hands dropping to your sides.

Daemon watches you, your trembling legs glistening with the pleasure he's drawn out. He can feel himself throbbing in his pants. You watch as he hastily frees himself. Though your head was hazy and your body was tried, your belly burned at sight of the sticky liquid dripping down your husband's neck.

"Fuck, Daemon," you reach for his belly. You trace his defined muscles with your finger tips. He snatches your hands when he finally pushes his pants down.

You squeak when he pushes you to your side, one hand on your shoulder, another hiking your leg up by the knee. You whine as he folds you into the sheets just before sliding his hardened cock in your wet cunt.

He hisses, leaning down to your neck. His words are hot against your skin, but you understand nothing.

Whatever tenderness he had before was gone, now he was just fucking you like a rabid animal. Daemon could not help himself, he loved how supple and pliable you were, and twists you into a form that keeps you prone. When the bed begins to creak because of his thrusts, he holds you down where your neck and collarbone meet. He puts enough pressure to restrict your breathing, but not enough to choke out your pretty noises.

At some point, he decides your leg is getting in the way and pushes you flat on your chest. He then gathers you by the hip, hiking you up enough to fuck you nicely from behind.

His thrusts are more intense now. You scream into the cushion as you find your elbows. Before you can prop yourself up though, he's pinning you down by the shoulder, saying something in High Valyrian again.

"D-Daemon," you whine, left cheek smushed against your pillow. You could feel your next climax building quickly.

He responds by rubbing your clit, drawing tears and another scream out of you because of your sensitivity.

You feel yourself helplessly clenching and unclenching around him, absolutely boneless under his vigorous intrusion. You could feel your knees slipping but Daemon's grip on you would not see you move from your position. Your toes curl. Saliva drips out your open mouth.

"Māzigon va, ri��a," he snorts, "sepār mirrī angotan tolī." Come on, girl. Just a little bit more."

You do not understand, so you only whine out, "Daemon."

Daemon growls and rubs one side of your ass, "you're doing so good for me."

He spanks you, but that's not what makes your eyes open.

"Milk my cock with your tight cunny, come slut."

You begin to grit your teeth.

"I want to see my seed dripping down your thighs," he groans, mind unable to focus on anything but the hot, wet slapping of your skin.

It's unsurprising that you come first, as Daemon always assures you do to underscore his control and dominance over you. He yelps out a sharp fuck, nearly coming in your cunt because of how your body seizes up around him. Your orgasm overwhelming, yet your eyes water for more than this reason. His words make you aware your husband sees you nothing more as a vessel for pleasure, and your pleasure is regretfully cut short because of how sharply he pulls out, his load spraying on your already dripping labia and pubic hair.

He strokes himself a few times, feeling his cock twitch in his hand as he watches your mixed come trickle down your legs. He sighs, "fuck," then scoops the cream in two fingers, plunging it in and out your still spasming cunt.

You squeal when he finger fucks you, body unable to remain upright. You are grateful he loses interest rather quickly and crumble into the bed as he stands.

You watch him walk over to the drawer, where he then pours himself some wine. You gulp, remembering your dream from last night. It sobers you out your high. You clench your jaw and roll over to clean yourself up. You head to your vanity and wipe yourself down, grabbing your robe was you do.

Daemon, whose thirst was now quenched, turns back to you with a towel. He is confused to see you standing. He watches you flip your hair behind you, pulling it out of your robe, which you then secure around yourself. He knits his brows as he walks over, "what are you doing?"

You turn to him, sitting on the vanity chair, "getting ready for bed."

Daemon stares, and you take his prolonged silence as an indication to proceed with your nightly routine.

The prince squeezes the damp towel in his hand as he watches you brush your hair. You catch his stillness from the mirror and turn back to him, "oh."

You drop your brush and take the towel from him, "I'll help you clean up."

Normally, he enjoyed this, but right now, he can't. He is offended when you begin to pick up his clothes, so much that he scoffs, "the fuck are you doing?"

You halt midway picking up his trousers. You stand and turn to the closet, "ah. Did you want new clothes?"

He pulls his head back, no longer offended, but hurt, "you want me to leave?"

You are caught off guard by his question. You stare at him for a moment, unsure if he was serious. You could not identify his expression, so you did not know if you tell him the truth. You would not survive being berated after confessing you wanted to sleep with him. You dodge the answer altogether, "weren't you leaving anyway?"

Daemon's cheeks tense. He huffs, stepping forward, yanking his clothes out of your hands, "no."

You are bewildered by his actions, for to you, his actions are sudden. You are petrified in fear, which is why you instinctively begin to apologize, "f-forgive me, I-I-"

His nostrils flare and his jaw sets.

"I-" you motion with a hand, "- you always leave."

His clenches his jaw, "do you want me to leave?"

"I—" your throat tightens and soon you can no longer look at him. You want to beg him to stay, but you recall how you did that with your father, and your mother, and your brother— begging does not make people stay. You whisper, "I... I'm terrified."

When you lift your gaze, Daemon shirks and decided to dress. He gulps as he pulls his trousers up, turning back to you. He clenches his fist before reaching out for you.

Your heart races as he takes your hand.

"You've served me well. If you are terrified... I'll leave you."

You whimper when he pulls away, holding him tighter than he did before your hands part. Your lips quiver. He knits his brows. You shake your head, "I- I... I do not want you to go."

He is taken off guard by how you suddenly embrace him.

"Please," you beg, though you knew it would not serve you well, "stay."

He turned to stone. He cannot seem to move at all but your arms are determined to stay around him. You begin to weep against his skin and he can feel your breath grow ragged. Only then does he manage to return your affection.

He brushes your dark hair away from your face and cradles you against him.

"Daemon."

He leans into you, enough to be able to brush his cheek against yours, "kesan umbagon." I will stay.

You sniffle then sigh. After a while, you ask, "what does that mean?"

"I will stay."

You sigh again, pulling away to look at him. You offer him a sad smile, "thank you."

He frowns, wiping your tears.

When you go back to bed, you offer him space in case you've made him uncomfortable. He stares at you, awaiting your embrace. You are mere inches apart but it feels like yards and yards.

"Good night, husband," you say before turning over.

He chuckles dryly, staring at your dark hair. He turns to the ceiling, "good night."

[larrydoinglaundry]

.

[loco-bird]

Oh man even after reading part of this it was still such an insane ride and soooo good girl!! The fact that this does not have more attention is a crime! Such a fantastic narrative of sorrow and pain for the poor man 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️✨✨✨ A heartbreaking and yet deeply emotional conclusion for story!

Gosh the poor guy started out with a bad hangover after she made him drink so much last night!! He really was shaken and turned badly! And damn the bright white place strikes again hahaha in a much more scarier note this white environment truly starts to become like a pretty nightmare bit by bit!

And it's so sad already that he's ashamed at being drunk and opening himself up to her, when Calypso was the one who manipulated him into doing so and he can't grasp that yet 😢man the conveniently placed medicine for his hangover! Another red flag that this was orchestrated with his present condition in mind! I like how his sharp mind even under the spell notices it's a bit off.

Don't know if this has anything to do with it, but the fact that the medicine works well with the nausea but not with his dizziness also seems to work in Calypso's favor to maneuver him! Maybe it's also connected to her mind spells. Poor man doesn't have a clue how much she wants to be sleeping next to him lool she's giving her prey space to come to her it seems!

Gosh even the fact that she has hangover medicine ready gives her a reverse Dilla vibe hahaha sorry 😂 but man he really got a bad one! It must have been Calypso's spell as well which made him so accepting of more and more drink, he's definitely catching on to something now, even if he's yet to know her motivation! Gosh 😂😂😂😂 the "You're not mature enough" always gets me hahaha perfect for him, and silver fox Caleb hahaha

Oh man it's so scary and sad how he's always making excuses for her still, even with all the hints there, yet it's so realistic in a scary way how his instincts are telling him something is wrong in the way she made him drunk, but he feels he doesn't want to believe them since this woman helped him survive, and also how afraid he is to have more issues with the Gods 😢 And the fact that shame starts to become a prevalent thing more and more... Calypso definitely uses shame as a tool to get to him as well. Hin comparing her to Circe and how that was scary for him already 😢

Oh boy Calypso posing like a painting again, and yet like a lion in her den awaiting her meal once more! It's interesting how she's probably trying to manipulate him into believing he's in a relaxed environment with her, but Odysseus gets more and more creeped out as time passes, even tho he's still trying to convince himself the fear is misplaced.

That "I am glad to see you are up" she was expecting him to stay down a while damn woman 😂 and the way the maids handle him seems almost like another hint he is losing his autonomy. That smirk of hers at him saying his throat is dry, she's a bit of creep even in the little things hahaha or I'm just too antagonizing of her at this point 🤣 even that "I would hate to see you struggle with nausea" seems so mocking from her!

I really like how you make Calypso's emotions for him genuine and yet that doesn't make her any less of a creep, she definitely admires him and likes him truly, but she still is maneuvering him with no regards at his true feelings, plus she looks at him like a piece of meat, and the simpleton comment oh boy... Basically she fetishizes his body and personality yet she's not caring about what he wants, something that gets more and more apparent as the story continues, the more she figures out he doesn't want her after all, the more she takes him without consent, that was a very well made yet terrifying and tense build up!

Oh gosh her patting her own back for not jumping on him yikes! Plus the fact that she admits that the idea of doing it while he was vulnerable was tempting and she just didn't because he would remember!

Man the way she keeps reminding him how she likes it when he opens up to her feels more like she's opening up a shell by force! And how easy she lies by even mixing it with omissions, calling him darling gets more and more scary now!

That tense build up of Odysseus refusing her praises and her pressing more and more how she wants to be a friend was progressively so uncomfortable... You can see how she's already fooling herself thinking that coercing him to drink was somehow good as a way for him to talk to her, and not a violation of his free will already, and the way she suddenly puts her hand on his felt as tense as a lion putting his paw on a prey like testing if it would run away or not 😶 especially since she felt like jumping him at that moment too!

It's so interesting how you made her open up about her loneliness now, since it's something so connected to this particular Goddess, and it makes her actions more understandable even if not justified or less creepy in the slightest! I can imagine that spending her time isolated there was toxic, even her nymphs don't help much because they serve her blindly doing everything she wants, Calypso is a lonely deity, without much experience of relationships and very used to having whatever the hell she wants with a snap of her fingers, so she doesn't take a "no" for an answer well, and she truly is projecting into Odysseus all the solutions and cure for her loneliness, especially after the first time she rapes him. There's definitely a bit of tragedy behind her aborrent awful actions even if you still loathe her haha

Oh man and poor Odysseus feeling sorry for her loneliness comparing it to his own, but as he tries to give her a hand Calypso takes the chance to pull his whole arm! 😶 Poor guy was put against the wall in 3 seconds with her pleas for him to stay with her! I love how Odysseus is so confused by her change in tone and demeanor dropping the motherly mature image and getting more and more needy and clingy like a little girl now! The way she so confidently tells him she understands him is so arrogant coming from her lips, and the way she says "you are worthy" is so demeaning, yet so perfectly written for a Goddess such as her who is used to her status (especially in comparison to humans)!

Odysseus initial reaction was so fitting as well, who would not be flattered and blush at a beautiful Goddess praising you, a mortal, that way! Even confessing her feelings to you so boldly! Especially Odysseus who is thinking about his fleeting youth and reputation as well! And yet the poor guy is already trying to break free from her grasp and trying to tell her he wants to go back...

I love how you wrote Calypso accusing mortals of being petty when she herself is one of the most petty beings around hahaha it was such a great way to hint at her being hypocritical too. And the way she immediately ignores the fact that he has another life to return, and starts off by accusing his dead friends...

Gosh it starts the first strike! The way she uses Odysseus's pain to her advantage... And even tho it's true that his men made their own mistakes it's heartbreaking the way she is purposely trying to antagonize them more, make them seem as simply backstabbing monsters in her words when the truth is much more complicated than that... Also the way she was keeping the information of Eurylochus as the one who had the idea to eat the cows and open the sack, just so she could weaponize it to manipulate Odysseus more, not even caring how much this hurts him 😢

Oh man the vision must be so brutal, Calypso really chose the worse spot for her own convenience! 😢 And even tho Odysseus knew his men did this, him hearing Eurylochus basically start a mutiny while he was away searching for food must have hurt his mind and heart too deeply... yet Odysseus still understands them seeing how much they are suffering and starving, afraid of dying in the worst way possible withering away, while watching food grazing right next to them!

As always it's so touching how Polites is one of the few attempting to defend Odysseus... Eurylochus rage is so raw and understandable even if very harsh and unfair as well, since he does not carry the weight of leadership and the choices Odysseus had to make, but man his suffering is surely palpable and genuine as well! But hearing all of his accusations must hurt like knives in Odysseus hears even the cave of the Cyclops and all... Especially since his comrades are dead now and he can do nothing but despair at these words and their loss. And watching the cows being killed and presented in such a bad manner of sacrifice was just more salt to the wound, just watching knowing he can't change the past and prevent what happens next 😢

Man Odysseus pain is definitely so apparent in your writing! The way he almost scratches the skin from his face in pure agony.. the way he laments what his comrades and friends did to him, but also what he did to them, all the sacrifices and choices he had to bear for them which makes their words and actions sting more, but also the path of destruction he followed with them and that he blames himself for choosing 😭 cursing his very own birth was definitely the limit oh man...the mix of feelings of blame but also trying to defend himself internally is so sad, a true battle with his own rambling emotions 😢 and now he remembers how Skylla in particular hit Eurylochus hard...

Oh man and if the vision was brutal this flashback is definitely insane!! The way it starts with Odysseus fully armored when the ship passes the area, looking up while his comrades are confused and anxious already points out to the danger about to come, as well as the unnatural silence as the calm before the storm... And how gutrenching the way the men get terrified at Charybdis when their true doom comes from the other side...

And gosh the baby cry is definitely such a creepy touch for this monster attempting to lure prey! Odysseus' hope surely was crushed with him hoping that the beast wouldn't wake up... Now he sees the eminent danger and how helpless he is to avoid it, for Charybdis would just swallow them all! Poor Polites not knowing and warning him about the baby must have been so hard for Odysseus... And it's so fitting the way Odysseus compares the cry to baby Astyanax wanting some sort of retribution for his death... how raw is his pain when he looks at Polites and asks forgiveness right before taking him to the ground as the worst happens!

The way you described the faces on the necks is surely horror movie material, the mix of women and dragon features sound both interesting and horrifying especially with the long necks just snatching the men so quickly like that! And man how gruesome that she does not kill them first and eats them alive in the middle of agony and pain and suffering! The adrenaline rush not letting them even pass out or anything 😰 and the panic of the men throwing up and everything is so realistic for such a situation...

Gosh the silence of the men as they try to process what happened while Odysseus guilt engulfs him already! And of course Eurylochus jumping right in front of Polites screaming his lungs out, which is understandable but oh man... The way he almost spits "king of Ithaca" and "equal to Gods" with such irony! I love it how you understand both sides' perspectives and mistakes, yes Odysseus lied to them about their fate, taking that right away from them, tho he did it to spare them and there was really not much of an option at that point. You wrote all their emotions so well as always ✨✨ you can feel both Odysseus struggling feelings and Eurylochus terror and rage even while he shivers!!

And I assume Eurylochus pictured himself dying in place of his comrades in such a dreadful way and it twisted his insides completely... Now he will definitely fear his shadow and distrust everything... He fears for his life like never before and that fear, ironically, could perhaps be considered part of the reason they were doomed, when he killed the sacred cows to survive... the request of trust from Odysseus definitely was not well taken right now! It's again so much when Odysseus is feeling his guilt eating him up alive yet he keeps telling himself again and again that he can't show weakness, mirroring the events of Troy... So he takes the attitude of a harsh leader stepping up his authority to keep leading them home, despite feeling himself breaking deep inside too 😢

Gosh the way Odysseus is curling himself more and more like a ball in his pain and memories in front of Calypso 😭 both his guilt and his heartbreak from the choices of his dead friend against him stabbing him so much, connected with the awful days of him trying to survive alone drifting at sea 😢 and man here she comes! The comparison of her enclosing him like the sea that drifted him is so scary and the way she circles him like a lion after bringing him down to the floor with despair 😭

And she keeps spitting more venom mixed with sweet words to lure him... It's so low how she used this to attempt getting him. This once again reminded me of a reverse scene you wrote with Dilla, how she once cleaned off the tears that Caleb did not realize he was crying telling him that he still had other people there for him... While here Calypso cleans his tears but tries to separate him from any other person isolating him only to herself alone... Those 2 scenes really point out to the difference between a healthy vs toxic relationship 👀

And here finally comes the request to join her in immortality, and how human of Odysseus to actually consider it, after all which human does not dream of that, to not worry about such pains! Even Achilles memory pushes him to that thought! But of course much to her frustration he must deny her! It's incredible how this made him sober up from his despair just moments ago on the ground! He speaks clearly to her now completely sure he wants to go home.

Oh gosh her "looks like she was slapped" face seems too good 🤣 she can't understand how someone can even tell her "no" especially a mortal! And man Calypso surely attacks back with her last hurtful weapon, questioning the wife that he so badly wants to return too! And the fact Odysseus actually moaned at the painful thought! Agamemnon's example truly was dreadful to him at that moment!

It's again so dark how Calypso uses words that do make sense but for her twisted interests, it does indeed make sense that 12 years is too much to wait for someone especially if a throne is empty, yet she does not present this as a very possible warning but instead as a absolute truth in hopes he gives everything up in her favor, again not minding hurting him more if that means he will remain by her side.

Man and the disgust hitting him mixed with her lure is definitely gut wrenching! The poor man does not want the proximity and her insistence! And it was her telling him that he can't wait either that pushes him up and away from her! Oh boy and her mentioning the bed, his special bed! Poor man being hunted by his doubts now... Him begging her to stop talking 😭 his brain and heart having a battle like that over whether Penelope is waiting or not... And it's sad to realize it does make sense, he doesn't know yet he must hold on to it!

Calypso is definitely cheering for him to let go at this point, but gosh another slap to her face, Odysseus surely doesn't want to give up even when faced with the worse odds! And now she's boiling... She can't take the refusal and unfortunately her envy only makes her more dangerous for him! Her rage at being jealous of a mortal woman and weakness reminds me of Assara a bit! And gosh of course instead of accepting his emotions and wishes she now takes this as a challenge!

How angry she is to see that her spell is fading and that his mind was strong enough to go over it... Her banging her hands on the wood hint to her short fuse but it's so much scarier than that in a violent way... yet it's interesting how her feelings are genuine and how it also confuses her how much he desires him, which is just one more scary reminder of how she completely acts upon these feelings so abusively.

And here comes the guy trying to ask for a ship, for her to help him go home even in the middle of praises... and despite his now very alert red flags he still hopes that with enough reverence she will understand and help him when he needs her the most, after all she helped him before so he still hopes she can do it again now 😢

And her first denials came almost like an offended little girl angry that she must return a lost toy that was not hers! She can't have his consent so she decides to make his life difficult until he gives up on leaving... Man it's so heartbreaking that Calypso is not even moved when Odysseus opens up about missing his child and wanting to hold him, she becomes more angry and petty instead... The selfishness of a Goddess that can't take being rejected!

Oh man and here comes her first lie or at least it becomes a lie for she has no intention of letting him go even after he gave his part of the gifts of Xenia! And gosh how conditional was her love and help! How quickly she threatened him to give back for her kindness, even if he didn't ask for any of it in the first place and just woke up in her home after being dragged by the sea... And man she knows damn well he has nothing of value and is fully expecting him to give himself up as if he was an instrument and object of her pleasure 😢

And the poor guy is actually curious about what he can offer before his world crumbles once more 😭 the way that kiss was robbed from him in such a gross way, and it's not even the worst of her yet!! And she asks this "entertainment" of him so lightly like she's asking for a glass of water, like it didn't matter much! Poor terrified guy trying to back away begging once again!

And men here comes his past to haunt him again! He suffered with Circe therefore Calypso thinks it's fair game for her to do the same as well! It's almost like "You were abused before to save people, what's the big deal now?" Yikes so chilling 😰😰😰 and man for real right now even tho he doesn't know it yet there is no exchange whatsoever, Calypso gets to abuse his body, and he gets suffering until the Gods remember to set him free...

Gosh and he thinks of his family again 😢 and in her cruelty of course Calypso attempts to use his fear of the power of Gods to force him into doing what she wants... How ironic! Her basically offering violation with no regards to his emotions (even if she's delusional enough to not realize it goes against his free will) and retorting that somehow that would not be bad because it's with her!the nerve! But damn once again amazing writing and portrayal of such a Goddess's attitude!

And poor guy terrified of what she might do in her anger 😭 his pleas of doing so much more for her and her disregarding them and his distress with chuckles makes her so much more abhorrent as a person, truly vile! His begging for mercy almost falling to the ground without nothing truly is too much, the fact that she completely disregards this suffering for her own interests shows how distorted and toxic her love is despite being real or not! That "otherwise it will be much harder for me to keep refusing you" is so infuriating, as well as her now listing his "sins" with Troy and such when before she was making him out to be blameless while his comrades were the traitor monsters! The blackmailing really hurts in this one!! 😰

And using the only thing he has left, his faith and fear of the Gods... Poor desperate man cornered finally realizing the kind of beast he's facing 😢 The "I'm just a man" phrase fits so incredibly well here!! 😭😭 Completely powerless before a Goddess who is using his vulnerability without mercy... He's so tired and the way he describes his honor being trampled sure is painful to no end!

And of course it's so painful to hear this from someone he thought was helping him... Who he believed to be kind but turns out she want to use him in the worst way possible as a price... His heart and trust are definitely in pieces with everything happening around him 😢

And finally here it is... The first of more than 2555 times 😢 Jesus the contrast of their demeanor is already so visceral... She's relaxed and actually looking forward to it excited and lustful like a creep not caring if the guy before her is completely terrified and panicking, and with his psychological state in destruction... And he's actually shaking in distress feeling her looking at him which is violating enough! And him asking the Gods to not feel anything and trying to drink and drink to get numb 😭😭 the beautiful and terrible description is so on point!

Oh man and the struggle he is having in taking his clothes off, the sheer feeling of nauseating discomfort here portrayes so well what the poor guy must be feeling at this moment 😭 man he just wants to pass out 😢 and gosh her ripping his clothes apart was definitely a jump scare for his heart she's definitely not going to even try making it easy for him, just suffering... And man this is mirroring the moment she touched his chest when he was unconscious, but now with him fully aware it's so much worse... Especially as he tries to avoid it even the kiss with his lips closed...

Him nearly breaking down crying when she tells him "like you mean it" that phrase is really terrifying because of the lack of consent 😢 and the hair pulling that for Calypso must be just a passionate action just turns into a violent act of aggression and abuse 😢 and oh boy him trying to convince himself that he can endure this, using his most beloved title of Father of Telemachus 😭

This is definitely the worst part for him... The way he feels that even his body is betraying him! The way it reacts to her violation despite his horror and disgust, which must add so much resentment and confusion to his poor tormented mind 😢😢 and he doesn't even want to give her the satisfaction of making sounds even if such sounds would be more from pain and distress than anything else 😭 the rage and confusion... and it's so sad him trying to remind himself of who he is or who he is known to be as an attempt to not be broken!

Man it's definitely so ironic that this woman that could have other Gods and mortals alike prefers to force herself on this man so selfishly thinking her feelings have the right to overthrow and disregard his own... In her Godly arrogance she thinks she has the right to make choices for him and that his emotions are meaningless because she's "clearly the better choice" you really did such a great job with this character being both complex and despicable! She can't even realize how he's closing his eyes to hide himself and his emotions from her! And he cries for Athena and why she left him alone 😭

Oh man him remembering Circe and that at least Circe thought he had consented, even if it was still rape for lack of choice, definitely makes this whole situation more vile, Calypso restraining him with her strength, and his poor heart breaking at the act itself 😢 it's so sad to see something that was meant to be enjoyable for couples now being such a horrid weapon to hurt this man... And how her faces of bliss are seen as distorted and monstrous to him while he endures it all... Especially how he remembers her helping him in contrast and now sees all of those memories ruined by her perverted actions against him 😢 and her hand near his Adams' apple is so scary too having in account her strength!

Gosh the end must have been such a double edged sword... It's finally over yet it must have left him so weak and destroyed and ashamed 😢 her "Equal to Gods" dirty joke is really disgusting in this context, the way she can airly joke from this and kiss him like it was nothing while he cries 😢

Damn woman truly is delusional humming and arranging herself like a teen in love as if she didn't just get forceful on someone! Poor guy so ashamed and still exhausted and in pain 😭 and of course she has completely manipulated him into believing she would let him leave if he just did this horror for her, and now simply pulls the rug from under his feet! Of course she'll force him to sell himself again and again because she is not interested in ever setting him free... How cruel of her to just take from him like that with no escape 😢

Once again the way she doesn't care how much he is feeling for his family and now his shame... and it's even more scary and insane the way she is so sincere about wanting him to love her by force, and blushes like she is having the time of her life confessing her feelings to her crush, completely ignoring the distressed man in front of her that she claims to love but that she hurt so much! She's the equivalent of a toddler covering her ears going "lalala" each time he makes it clear he doesn't want this, and her inaptitude to accept a "no" is so maddening! Her calling him pious is definitely a limit there!

Man her repeating the words from her rape as he holds her neck... And the fact that she seems so easy to kill but is so indestructible is horrifying! No escape from this prison! And one more heartbreak as he tries to run away from the island even by swimming but is denied even that 😭

Gosh her motherly act is even more twisted and sick now... Calling him "my love" in such a condescending way, calling him for dinner like a disobedient child, and attempting to make him scared of her Godly anger again... Poor guy suddenly becomes scared for his home and what she might do to it 😢😢

Him crying at the beach for the first times 😭 robbed of all his agency and free will like it was nothing... His suffering after his great reverence to the Gods is so painfully deep, poor guy feels abandoned by them and the whole universe... And man you used the idea of Calypso using the smell of food to lure him in with his hunger 😢 it's so ironic in a bittersweet way that this makes him remember his men's suffering with hunger themselves... And he realizes her spells making him forget the mourning for his companions 😢

Gosh this is definitely one of his more meaningful moments, the way he suffers from not being able to give his men a proper burial (also love the detail of his curly hair almost forming natural locks). Him cutting his hair with a simple rock here is so deep, heartbreaking yet touching, the way he sacrifices his hair as tribute to the fallen ones and promises to survive and endure the horrors to return, also for them and their legacy 😭

Once again the contrasts between Odysseus and Calypso's demeanor are great! She smiles, disregards his sad tormented eyes and even his cut hair of mourning... She keeps fooling herself that her abuse can make him love her. The ending with him letting go of a last tear and taking her hand like taking death as the ultimate sacrifice is such a brutal close for this part, yet so meaningful in his determination knowing he is alone yet needs to look forward... This reminds of a dialog from the "War Horse" film:

" To get to their destination they must fly over a war. Can you imagine such a thing? Flying over so much pain and terror, and yet you know you can never look down. You have to look forward or you'll never get home. I ask you, what could be braver than that?"

I always imagined this quote for Caleb and definitely for Odysseus too now, since they connect so well 😭😭 The survivors duty reaches his perfect pinnacle here 😢❤️

Oh gosh girl you definitely should never regret this amazing beautiful writing and tribute to these ancient takes ✨✨❤️❤️❤️💎💎💎 man that soundtrack especially with the eerie notes and choirs of ominous voices is so perfect for Calypso weiveing and messing with the poor man's mind with her spells!

And of course a great choice in adding both the Skylla moment and Calypso showing him the vision! Ads to the poor guy's trauma so much more deeply 😭

Man and the after note is of course the cherry on top of this incredible heartbreaking narrative!!

Oh gosh to know that he's not even over with half the years of his torment, yet he already passed double the time as Calypso's prisoner as he was with Circe 😭😭 the way he seems so broken yet so exhausted as he lifts himself... The way his emotions run dry while he is by her side in that narrow bed and how the beautiful Goddess only gives him feelings of asphyxiation, rage, sorrow and disgust even by her breathing... Your comparison of her hair to Skylla is so on point and how he sees her no better than the monster that tormented him and his comrades! It's also so sad that he does not even care about being naked anymore, as if shame was robbed from him because it doesn't matter in his situation anymore... Man and she hurts him during the act too, apologizing for it but just continuing the abuse 😭 the fact that he even tried to resist her still and beg just for a night of peace, which was probably completely ignored in the most condescending way...

His hair getting longer with the passing of time seems to be mocking his tribute to his men in a way which is even sadder 😢 and of course the idea of the nymphs grooming him like a pet even tho he preferred to be completely undesirable to Calypso... This of course leads to him having an aversion to being handled by servants bathing him gosh! It's heartbreaking in an ironic way, that his desire to go home is now eating him alive from the inside with longing, and what was keeping him going to survive is at the same time weakening his hope 😭 I can't even begin to imagine how many words of doubt she kept bombarding him in the last 2 years... This definitely explains his lack of trust later on mixed with his already long list of tragedies 😢

Oh man and once again the fight between the heart and mind of whether Penelope could wait for him for so long or not 😭 the way his poor brain keeps twirling and twirling counting the years imagining his son has grown now, and how much he has missed, feeling the time slowly running out as he's kept there 😢😢 and the stress being so much that even his hair turns gray in short years! Him looking at himself in a mirror and being surprised with his fast aging is so saddening... Even more as Calypso fetishizes it not caring that she's the one sucking his life with each night...

The idea that he hardly cries at night because he has dried all of his tears during the days hits very hard... Oh man "he felt like nobody", it's like the fact he called himself "nobody" to the Cyclops came back to haunt him too... and there you go Calypso, he doesn't learn to love you as you so foolishly wanted to believe, all he wants to do is kill you and you're just lucky that he can't lol Man his rage is definitely so palpable here!

And now the devoted man completely curses the Gods existence, and the suffering they cause to the mortals... It's so sad that now he has hatred for the night, for it is always the time for his torment, feeling so empty even without his nightmares 😭 the complete switch with him cursing Athena for abandoning him with the passing owl, but breaks immediately with his own broken faith feeling he must not loose himself like that 😢

Man it's incredible how much regret he came to feel with Troy and yet he wishes to set this place with the same fire of rage killing everyone from the nymphs to Calypso! Shows how much he had to suffer already with his abuse which is not even close from ending 😭😭 and the way he fantasizes about killing Calypso is full of so much raw accumulated emotional from pain and sorrow! I can so understand how in his perspective it's so unfair that she sleeps peacefully after her abuse while he is the one to bear it all, it would make anyone feel like committing revenge and murder like that... And he is so ready to do it! She turned this poor man into such a vengeful soul thirsting for blood, he does not even fear or care he's so ready to go through with it all and add just one more "sin" to his karma! But of course he's not lucky... she's always too strong and him too powerless 😢

Oh man that's definitely another jump scare the way she grabs his throat... The way he's reminded he's unfortunately dealing with the daughter of Atlas 😭 and how twisted can this get that she considered this act of him as him desiring her, along with his attempt of pulling her hair to hurt her back as a touch of passion in her twisted deluded mind... She simply can't see the man tired from abuse, anger and grief and that's truly terrifying how she is twisting her love and bliss while Odysseus is in a never ending battle to survive and return home 😢😢😢

Gosh and the way it ends with him shutting down his emotions like a cold curtain close...

What else can I say other than what a crazy good, and intense ride this was!! This is such a controversial theme to write and you did it so flawlessly! His pain and anguish and hope and love of his family plus his sacrifice... And Calypso as well being such a complicated character, with her own inner tragedies of loneliness yet so delusional and vile in her approach to love, ruining and twisting and corrupting it all to the rotten core! Amazing job girl!!! 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️💎💎💎✨✨✨✨✨

Survivor's Guilt and Survior's Duty (P3 + After Note)

Continuation from Part 2:

Swift fingers were moving constantly through golden thread, mixing the different shades perfectly. The hands were moving to and fro as the humming of the sweet song kept on interrupting the rhythmical sound of wood against wood as the tapestry was slowly gaining shape in the loom. It was the skillful fingers of an ancient being beautiful like spring and deadly like winter that was weaving this. Somewhere among the sea of gold and crimson there was a pair of threads that didn’t match in color or texture.

One jet black

And one silver white…

*

Odysseus slowly opened his bruised eyes and he wished he hadn’t. He barely opened them a tiny bit and he shut them closed once more as his sight was mercilessly attacked by the brightness of the white grotto. His stomach was turning and he felt like throwing up everything he ever had eaten in his life and his head was turning around as if someone was spinning him at a whirlpool. He moaned holding his head with both hands, slowly rolling to the side. The headache and dizziness were pounding him relentlessly.

“Gods…my head…” he thought hoping the nausea would leave him alone

The events of the night before were also present in his mind and the embarrassment didn’t help his condition at all. He had drunk himself to the point of oblivion that much he knew. Normally he should know his limitations but he was unable to refuse the goddess who was filling his cup. Once he dared to look around (and of course seeing everything moving around him) he spotted a goblet next to the bed containing a bubbling liquid. Odysseus eyed him more suspiciously than what he would originally have wished to.

“Well…that was awfully organized…” he thought again

Either way downing the drink seemed to help a lot with his unsettled stomach although not spectacularly with his dizziness. The first thing he noticed was that Calypso was not working in her usual spot. That’s odd, he thought, but then he fathomed she wouldn’t sit around and sleep or work by the side of a severely drunk human especially given the whatever the heck would turn out to look like the day after! He moaned once more as he forced himself, excruciatingly slowly to sit up on the bed and place his feet on the floor.

“Gods…never again…” he mumbled holding another gag back.

But it was true that Calypso’s potion was working wonders although he needed at least a couple of more minutes to stand up and start practically staggering until he reached a wall to support himself and walk out, possibly hoping some fresh air would do him good. As he walked down the grotto to his best abilities he surely was wondering how the hell he managed to get so drunk even with the goddess practically encouraging him. He should know better than that. Stopping at a sudden wave of dizziness he sighed and wiped some sweat off his face.

“Alright, Odysseus…no more wine for you…” he mumbled to himself, “…you clearly are not mature enough…”

Beneath his layers of self-sarcasm, though, he did feel like he had embarrassed himself before the goddess. Not only had he drunk himself to stupor; true it was Calypso the one to keep serving him but perhaps she didn’t know the human limitations to drinking. Perhaps she overestimated his tolerance or perhaps… (Odysseus always had one random ominous thought to the back of his head but he always chose to dismiss it, especially now that he needed all help he could get from some god given that he already had half the pantheon chasing after him!), but he also cried like a baby, opening up things he never wished to share in the first place, yet alone in front of an immortal goddess and her immortal nymph entourage. His situation was already bad enough; he was a beggar without anything to offer to the goddess; he didn’t need to be seen as an uncontrollable drunk as well. And this goddess somehow gave a different energy than Circe (and by gods wasn’t that experience scary enough).

He found Calypso lazily laying upon her sofa as her maids were attending the room. His heart was clenched by an unpleasant feeling once more but he dismissed it as his natural aversion towards the fear against the divine. Not to mention he was still feeling ashamed as he couldn’t be more. Calypso sensed his presence and smiled almost maternally at him.

“Good morning, Odysseus” her melodic voice reached his ears. “I am glad to see you up”

“That is a way to put it, goddess…” Odysseus mumbled as he was practically assisted by the maids to sit on the couch opposite her

His dizziness was still awful but he felt better already.

“My throat is dry…” he admitted, “Could I perhaps…have some water?”

Calypso smirked.

“Bring him some water” she ordered

As the cup was given to Odysseus he basically drained it, feeling the cool liquid settling down.

“Blessed you be, goddess…” he whispered again, “And thank you for your treatment. It worked wonders”

“I am glad” Calypso said with her usual feline smile. “I would hate to see you struggle with nausea”

Odysseus drew a deep breath to calm himself a bit. Calypso once more observed him and her heart was flattering. She discreetly tasted her lips imagining that chest moving up and down with his breathing. She looked upon that man that was now monopolizing her dreams and fantasies stand there in the light; his hair appearing almost auburn as sunlight was showering them. He was looking at her and if she hadn’t noticed his eyes shining with intelligence and wisdom she would have sworn he was a simpleton till he would start to speak. Odysseus was a man full of contradictions; darkness and light, quick wits and aloof thinking, braveness and fear…strength and weakness…

“Goddess…I…” he started, “In regards to the events of last night…forgive me I shouldn’t have broken down like this…”

Calypso congratulated herself deep inside for holding herself back.  She was right and indeed Odysseus could remember everything clearly from the night before. It would have ruined everything if she had advanced onto Odysseus while he was vulnerable.

“Why not?” Calypso asked airily. “I am glad you decided to open up with me. I am just sad you had to get drunk you let yourself go and trust me”

Odysseus winced at the reminder. Yeah, that was the last thing he needed to be reminded of… As if reading his thoughts, Calypso spoke again;

“Don’t worry too much, darling. I myself actually drank more than what I intended, last night,” the half-lie came easy to her lips, “You are a very pleasant company, Odysseus. One can forget himself when they are with you!”

“Me?” Odysseus asked in disbelief, “Hardly, goddess…hardly…”

He sighed, rubbing his nape nervously.

“I just...didn’t want to burden you with my troubles…”

“Odysseus…” Calypso said sincerely, “You are never a burden… I really want to help you… Not as a goddess, as a friend, I am glad you took some of that weight off your chest”

And then she took a bold step, more to herself than anything, and placed her hand on his. She felt him tense at the sudden contact while she felt his mortal flesh beneath her hand and she almost lost control of her emotions but her face was kept stone calm.

“Don’t you ever, ever apologize for your emotions, Odysseus,” she said sincerely, “It is what makes you mortals and us immortals similar…”

She felt him almost drawing his hand back or at least she felt his muscles signaling for him to do so, as he looked at her with those eyes that hid so much wisdom that indeed made her wonder what kind of mortal person has so much in their mind. She drew back and leaned on her couch again, casually.

“Oh, yes” she said, “Even us gods have feelings, Odysseus, our own torments. You may say that ours are sometimes more unbearable since we have to live with them for all eternity. We have no way of escaping them. One can see that from this very island too. This little paradise that is so left alone from the world…sometimes loneliness is so much to bear Odysseus…so much…”

Odysseus raised his brows. Suddenly the immortal nymph Calypso seemed almost…vulnerable. He saw her honey eyes reflect genuine pain and sorrow, sadness and isolation. He felt somehow stupefied for a second to react. How can someone consol a god?

“I…I understand, beautiful Calypso…” he whispered, “It is piercing the bones of any person to be isolated…”

“Yes, you do understand, don’t you?” Calypso eyed him, “You were a gift to me, Odysseus. It was the first time in hundreds of years that I felt someone actually connecting to this sorrow; the first time I felt someone truly understands loneliness as I do…”

Odysseus suddenly felt uncomfortable. He didn’t know where this conversation was heading to but it seemed like it was about to take a turn that he wouldn’t really wish it to. And apparently he was right for Calypso held his calloused hand in both of hers; caressing his fingers with her delicate, unnaturally smooth ones.

“Why don’t you stay here with me, Odysseus?” Calypso whispered

Her tone resembled a little girl talking to her first crush. It felt so unnatural to Odysseus that the goddess that nursed him back to health, the goddess that always kept a maternal visage now she was talking to him like he was an eternal god and she a young maiden trying to keep him with her.

“Stay…” Calypso repeated, “You understand how I feel and I understand you. You could live a happy life here; free from all the sorrows and this mortal coil. You wouldn’t need to worry about a thing here.”

As if that was not enough, Calypso raised a hand to touch his chin, making their eyes meet.

“I like you, Odysseus” she confessed naturally, “You interested me from the moment I saw you; your will to survive was unparalleled, however now I see how genuinely worthy you are.”

Odysseus felt his cheeks flush with color. It was rather flattering, he couldn’t lie, that this beautiful immortal being that could have any immortal god she wanted on her feet was now showing some interest in him in whatever way; him the man who was no longer young, who never considered himself the handsomest on earth in the first place, the man who was considered by many cunning, sly and without honor; now pique the interest of an immortal goddess. However…

“Your interest in me is beyond flattering, goddess…” he replied as he softly covered her hand still holding his with his own, discreetly drawing it away, “However I must refuse. I must go back…”

Calypso’s face again changed for one briefest second. It was as if someone had punched her in the gut. She slowly withdrew and sat back to her sofa.

“Go back…?” she echoed, “Why? What’s left for you out there, Odysseus? Poseidon wants your life and everyone you know might as well be thinking only of your harm. Mortal minds are so petty sometimes! Why would you want to go back to that world?”

“I have a kingdom I am responsible of” the king of Ithaca replied, “I have a family, friends that I have to return to.  I made a promise I would. I am a mortal too, goddess, I belong to that world”

“Friends!” Calypso said as if the word had no meaning, “Your friends were responsible for this adventure that almost cost your life!”

Reading the expression of shock to his face, Calypso elaborated.

“You do know, it was Eurylochus the one to persuade your men to eat the cows of Helios Hyperion, right? Not that the rest of your men had vastly different opinion, but it was him the one who betrayed you in the first place, the same way he betrayed you when he opened the sack of Aiolus!”

The Man of Many Torments felt his heart clench as all color left his face.

“What?” he croaked out

“Look in your cup” Calypso encouraged him, “and see the truth”

Odysseus looked down at the ceramic cup in his hand and gasped. Indeed the water surface of his cup had turned into a reflective mirror and now he could see as if he were there himself, the dreadful scene that preceded the slaughter of the sacred animals that led to his last ship to be gone forever and his men drown…

*

The men were tired; dark circles had formed under their eyes from sleeplessness and hunger and it had given them a rough look. They seemed like shadows of the men they used to be. Hunger, fatigue and sorrows had brought them on their knees. The sacred cows of Helios Hyperion were always grazing at the field next to the beach, filling their fat bellies with grass rich in salt and essential minerals. His hungry comrades were often looking at them, longer than it would be proper; way too long for comfort. Everyone was of course considering this source of nutrition ever since their rich provisions were gone. They were holding on the promise they had given to Odysseus and the fear for yet another god’s wrath but this time they were all at their limits. Eurylochus suddenly shot up from his sitting position on a rock.

“I’ve had enough of this!” he exclaimed suddenly

As all heads turned to face him at the same time.

“Hear me out, my friends, because I believe you shall agree with me that this cannot go on! We will starve to death if we wait here doing nothing! I don’t know about you, my friends but I refuse to die here of starvation!”

“Eurylochus!” Polites cried out, “What are you saying! You can’t be implying-…”

“All forms of death are terrible, Polites!” Eurylochus replied again, “We mortals are trained all our lives to fear death but death of hunger? Is there ever a worse form to die than that? We once conquered Troy and all its assets and we were praised by gods and humans and now we are in this godforsaken island and we die day by day on the beach like animals that lost their feeding grounds!”

“Eurylochus is right” Lycaon now spoke, “This can’t go on! And Odysseus is nowhere to be found!”

“He went to hunt” Polites replied again, “And pray for us!”

“Pray! Pray!” Eurylochus suddenly started screaming on top of his lungs, “He does nothing but pray! Have you seen any god favor us?! Have you seen anything good coming out of his prayers?! He calls himself pious and religious, he offers sacrifices! The problem started when the sacrifices became us!”

“Now now!” Alkimos now spoke, “That’s too much! Calm down!”

“Don’t you tell me to calm down Alkimos!” Eurylochus growled, “Odysseus will not do anything, once again! All he can do is pray and his prayers go on deaf ears! And that is all because of him! He only is killing us bit by bit!”

“Now listen you!” Polites had enough of this.

He was hungry too and starving but that was way too much.

“Don’t you dare to say that! Odysseus only tried to protect us all in various occasions! True he made many mistakes but-…”

He was stopped when Eurylochus grabbed upon his collar.

“YOU WEREN’T THERE, POLITES!” Eurylochus bellowed and his eyes already shining with primitive hunger were now beyond any form of madness one could express, “You weren’t there! That monster smashing the heads of our comrades! All we could do was watch as he indulged himself in their flesh! We were in that cave because of Odysseus in the first place! We could survive with the wild goats of the island! He just wanted something better! He always does! And WE pay the price! Never him! Never!”

“Now, now everyone calm down!” Amphidamas came between them to separate them, “If we kill each other now, the conversation will have no meaning in the first place!”

Eurylochus was forced to step back but he continued.

“I refuse to die here of hunger! My friends, let us satiate our hunger with these cows. We shall offer a sacrifice to the god Helios here and if we make it to Ithaca then we can build him a great temple, with our own hands. We can make a solemn oath here for that.”

“And if we don’t?” Polites glared at him

“If we don’t…well in that case I prefer to die from a wave and drown rather than die here like a beast from hunger!”

*

Odysseus watched the scene as if he were there.  He watched his comrades grabbing the cows, slaughtering them and offering their sacrifice. But they had no wine left so they used water to rinse the parts of the animals. They had no barley to use and they plucked the leaves of an oak… He watched them set their feast which was not even proper sacrifice to begin with and he knew very well what followed. He was there after that. He could see no more as his eyes filled with tears once more. Suddenly his hangover was forgotten. The pain in his heart was greater. The ceramic fell from his hands and shattered to the floor. Odysseus grabbed his head with both hands, leaning forward in lament.

“Oh, Eurylochus!” he whispered between his sobbing, “I know, my friend, I know I made mistakes…I know I wasn’t perfect but I didn’t deserve this! I didn’t-…deserve…”

His nails nearly broke the flesh of his face as he cried. Yes, there was no point keeping his mask of carefree man anymore. Calypso had already exposed the pain in his soul. He might as well indulge into it again! His men had suffered and died and he was left alone to fight the elements and the storms holding upon the remains of his ship with little to no hope left; alone in fear and in pain, in hunger and in thirst to the brief of death and madness… He felt the injustice in his flesh; he had sacrificed so much! He was always there when they needed him; he went to face gods, creatures, even descended to the Underworld for them and faced the horrors that expect the dead in the afterlife while he was still living himself. He had sold himself to a goddess hoping to get freedom for his men; he had stayed up 9 days to protect the sack of Aiolus to make sure it wouldn’t be opened and that they could get back home… He had been ready to face Skylla and Charybdis for them… Their accusations seemed so unjust in his ears and yet…the other part of himself admitted they were right; nothing would have happened if he hadn’t let his anger speak and brag on Polyphemus…no, nothing would have happened if they never entered his cave in the first place… Perhaps nothing would have happened if he never had that scheme to take Troy! Or what if he was never there! Oh, cursed Troy! Cursed war! But then again, Odysseus felt like he had himself to blame again for what happened…

“Cursed oath!” he thought in despair, “Why did I have to do that! Why did I have to suggest to the old man Tyndareus that we would all defend Helen? If it weren’t for that I would be in Ithaca! Raising my son and embracing my wife! My men would be alive in their houses and villages! Cursed oath! Damn the moment I invented it! Damned the moment I was born!”

He broke down. No, this was too much to bear! He wanted to save them and ended up losing them all! And he had suffered himself. He nearly lost his life… No, it shouldn’t be all his fault now should it? He had specifically told them not to open the sack…he had told them not to eat the animals belonging to a god… He had warned them! He couldn’t be the one to blame for those, right? He knew his comrades made their own mistakes but he could also understand them. They have been through much more than what any mortal was supposed to endure… But that type of mutiny? Why? Why so much hate…? He remembered though how much Eurylochus was affected during their trip. In particular the adventure of Skylla had left them all with scars…

*

The area was quiet; WAY too quiet for anyone’s liking! The men had watched nervously as Odysseus had stood to the fore-deck fully geared up in his armor and holding two spears. Why on earth would he want to be armed? Odysseus seemed ready to collapse in their eyes. He was constantly gazing to the rocks around as if he expected some unknown attack from the sky! As they entered a narrow path, Odysseus seemed to be very weary. As they passed from below a cave at a high mountain, from the other side a terrifying rumble drew their attention and a whirlpool was formed, sucking in the sea water. The men cried out in fear and despair and yet they could not take their eyes off that dreadful sight! And when he had hoped that would be the end of it, the cry was heard over the rumble.

“A baby?” one of the men asked

Odysseus winced. No, no…he thought. His hands clenched upon his arms. Suddenly he remembered Circe’s advice that he had forgotten; there was no point at him being armed; Skylla was immortal. He could do nothing to her even if he wanted. He could only pray that she wouldn’t wake up for her daily meal while they crossed but now that baby cry just shattered all his hopes and prayers. It was too late. He could only steer the ship close to Skylla’s side to avoid Charybdis and now…Skylla had decided it was her time to eat…

“Odysseus!” Polites called out as his face was pale and wet from sweat; one eye to the whirlpool and the other to Odysseus, “Odysseus, there is a baby up at the grotto!”

A baby up… For a moment Odysseus felt like it was Astyanax who was crying from the underworld…Astyanax had come to claim something of him as punishment for he took Troy leading to his death…

“Odysseus!” Polites urged again

Odysseus looked up at the cave and his eyes were liquid. He looked at Polites and his face could be the same as a wounded animal, facing the hound that was about to take his life; pleading for one last time… He was almost shaking.

“Forgive me, Polites…” he whispered, “GET DOWN!”

And he dropped to the deck, taking Polites with him and leading a few men do the same in panic (of those who weren’t still hypnotized by the terrible whirlpool at the other side). Everything happened too fast; Six necks longer than their entire ship probably twice as much, bearing terrible heads; a mixture between a woman’s head and a dragon with mouths open with sharp teeth. The heads rushed to the deck like deadly snakes and they grasped one man each who screeched in pain, drawing the attention of everyone on deck. They watched in horror.

“CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN!” the men who could still speak screamed, “ODYSSEUS!”

Odysseus was unable to take his eyes off this sight which was so similar to the cave of Polyphemus but this time seemed harder to grasp. At the beginning of the grotto Skylla began her feast by cutting off flesh and guts off the bodies of his men who were still alive and screaming from their adrenaline rush; nothing like when Polyphemus had smashed them to the ground, making sure they were dead first. Skylla had no such problem as her six heads were tearing apart what was left of his 6 best men on the ship. The men were wailing and screaming, calling his name. His men pale in horror; one or two of them doubled over and threw up on the deck. Odysseus nearly did both himself. The seconds passed like eons as the screaming finally silenced and the ship drew away from that terrible passage. They could still hear the moaning of Charybdis as she was throwing up the seawater again…

There was silence afterwards… His men hardly dared to breathe…not even the oars could be heard anymore as the ship was probably moving by the stream at that point as no one had the courage to move. Odysseus was frozen there like a statue… He didn’t even have the strength to drop on his knees. Forgive me, he thought, forgive me I had no choice… Polites was probably the first to come out of the trance as he croaked out in a barely audible voice;

“What…what the hell was that…?”he was as pale as a cloud, “Odysseus…? What the hell was that…?”

Odysseus turned his head to him, trying to find the words to answer but Eurylochus pounced at him like a furious tiger ready to eat his throat.

“YOU BASTARD!” he bellowed beyond himself, grabbing him by the front part of his armor, “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT THING?! YOU STOOD THERE DOING NOTHING! WE ALL DID! SPEAK UP!”

His head turned to the side. He couldn’t face him.

“I HEARD YOU SPEAK UP! IT WAS AS IF YOU KNEW WHAT WAS COMING! SPEAK UP ‘KING OF ITHACA’ AND ‘EQUAL TO GODS’! WHAT WAS THAT!?”

“That was Skylla…” Odysseus whispered, “…Daughter of Echidna and Typhoon… A creature that pries on dolphins and seals when she can…and waits for ships to pass her grotto…”

Eurylochus was hyperventilating; his face was red in fury.

“You knew!? YOU KNEW ALL ALONG AND SAID NOTHING!? YOU KEPT YOUR MOUTH SHUT WHEN-…”

“If I had picked Charybdis we would have died all!” Odysseus yelled back, “I had no choice I had to do this! There was no other way!”

“You kept your mouth shut! YOU SAID NOTHING AND LET OUR COMRADES BE SACRIFICED! YOU DIDN’T SAY A THING! WE HAD TO KNOW!”

“WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?!” now Odysseus bellowed, higher than anything Eurylochus did before

His men all silenced before his woeful and furious cry.

“What do you want me to say! That I hoped this monster would never come out? That I wanted us all to suffer as little as possible…that I could find no proper words to explain what was in store for them…that I hope I was them…?”

He was heroically holding his tears back. He was feeling his body turning into stone again under the layers of his armor that had been useless in this adventure.

If I show weakness I am lost…

“…That I am sorry…?”

If I show weakness I am lost…

Eurylochus had his eyes ticking in rage and fear. Odysseus could see the panic settling in him more and more like the waves at the sea. He was shivering all over.

“Sorry…?” he echoed, “You are sorry…?”

The way he grabbed him later, made others even wake up from their shocked state and arrive to their assistance to see which of the two would be hurt next!

“YOU ARE SORRY!?” Eurylochus bellowed, “IT COULD HAVE BEEN ANY OF US, ODYSSEUS! IT COULD HAVE BEEN-…”

He froze again as if the terrible realization hit him. He seemed ready to throw up himself. He let go of Odysseus and stepped back. Suddenly he was vulnerable and frightened.

“Oh my gods…” he mumbled, “We’re not going to survive this, are we? We are all gonna die in this journey! We’re all doomed!”

“No! No!” Odysseus shook his head, “No, this can’t end like this! We shall make it! We must make it! If we follow the instructions Circe gave us, we can make it. Trust me…”

Apparently that word was the worst he could use because Eurylchus gained his fighting spirit back and he was held by another comrade so he wouldn’t rush on him again.

“Trust you?! TRUST YOU, you say?! Six of our comrades are dead! And you said nothing! How can we trust you Odysseus!? HUH?!”

Odysseus lowered his eyes. He fixed the helmet on his head, as if he wanted to hide his gaze from them; from all the judgmental eyes and ears around him.

If I show weakness I am lost…

“I did what I thought it was right…” he said in a cold tone, “If I had chosen Charybdis we would all be dead now…”

He turned to leave but Eurylochus was not done releasing the anger inside him.

“Who else is to be sacrificed next then, Odysseus? Huh? Tell me, King of Ithaca, who is to be sacrificed next?”

If I show weakness I am lost…

“I did it to save us all!” Odysseus whispered dangerously, stepping closer to him, “I did it to save this vessel! Our last ship! Our last hope! If we lose it, we’re lost! I did what I had to do! We can survive this! But we must stick together!”

If I show weakness I am lost…

“If you cannot trust me, then obey me!”

If I show weakness I am lost…

“If I everything I ever done is not enough for you to have faith in me then you must remember that I am still your king!”

If I show weakness I am lost…

“For as long as we have this vessel, I am still your captain! And we still have a chance!”

If I show weakness…

*

Odysseus moaned lowering his head almost between his knees as he remembered what had befallen between them. No wonder that it was Eurylochus the one to initiate that mutiny! However it still hurt every thread of his heart. It still led to the outmost destruction! He had roamed 10 days aimlessly in absolute terror in the elements with no hope; nearly losing his mind in the process…and his very life!

“Our last vessel…our last hope…” he whispered, “…It’s gone…gone! We… Gone… All of our hope was gone…! Why, Eurylochus! Why! Why!”

Calypso walked around his bench. She was as alluring as she seemed dangerous…like the sea that enclosed him. Her touch on his shoulder as she circled him, made him feel fear for the very first time he was with her. It was as if some cloud was lifted from his mind; a cloud he had no idea it existed.

“My poor, tormented darling…” Calypso whispered again, “These men rebelled against you…they disobeyed your orders and ignored your suggestions… Surely you are not the one to blame for their carelessness and arrogance….”

Her hands cupped his cheeks and made him look at her. She had kneeled before him and she wiped tears with her thumbs; tears he had no idea he had shed…

“You nearly lost your life out there, darling… Why must you torment yourself over them? Why must your heart always mourn? Forget about this…mortal coil. Stay here with me…stay and rest, finally, Odysseus… You shall not want of anything here… I could offer you the gift of immortality… Never shall you fear sickness or death again! Never shall you find yourself in the same pitiful state that you were when you first showed up at my doors! You shall be my equal! All you need to do is ask…”

Immortal! The word rang to Odysseus’s brain like a bell; immortality was the dream of every human being! And if immortality was linked, as she said, to no more of this heartache and torment… Oh, how desirable that was! And yet his mind rebelled to this. He remembered the Underworld; that dreadful place of wandering souls…he remembered Achilles who had told him he’d rather a thousand times be the last servant and alive than a god-king and dead… Why was his mind rebelling this when every mortal instinct he had was telling him to accept that? He held her wrists and softly removed them from his cheeks.

“Goddess…I immensely thank you for your proposal…there is indeed nothing sweeter echoing in the ears of a helpless mortal than immortality free of sorrows but… I cannot accept this… I must go back…”

Calypso seemed like she had been slapped as she looked at him.

“But…why!” she finally asked, “Why would you choose that? When you have been tormented so much and hurt so badly?”

“I must return to Ithaca!” Odysseus insisted, “My wife…my son are waiting for me there… And if I give up everything now, all we have been through with my companions will be in vain! I cannot just abandon them….”

Calypso stood up. Suddenly her face resembled indeed a statue; perfect and yet cold and emotionless.

“And are you sure, Odysseus, that your wife remained faithful to you? Are you sure she hasn’t betrayed you too?”

Odysseus moaned helplessly. That thought stabbed into his brain like a sword. For some reason Agamemnon’s words came to his mind that one can never trust their spouse, for he had been murdered by Clytemnystra and her lover. He shook his head. No, not Penelope! Penelope would never!

“No!” he exclaimed, “Not, Penelope! We chose each other! There is a special bond between us!”

“And yet, how do you know?” Calypso pressed, “You have been married almost two decades and yet you lived but a couple of years together. How can you know that your sweet Penelope holds your marriage the same as you do?”

“She does! I know she does! She promised she would wait! She promised me!”

“Darling! Listen to yourself! You have been away from home more than 12 years!” she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, resting her beautiful head over his, “At best possible scenario she honored your marriage till they finally denounced you dead. Who can leave a throne vacant for so long?”

“No…” Odysseus whispered in denial, “No…no!”

“Just face the truth, my darling…you cannot deny it that over a decade people die… Your sweet Penelope might as well have found a new husband to rule your kingdom. No one can wait so long, my darling…” she whispered in his ear, “Not even you…”

Odysseus shivered. Her hot breath in his ear ringed weirdly in his soul. A natural feeling of repulse mixed with the sweet allure of her voice made him release himself from her embrace and stand up.

“I would! I would wait! I did! I still do!”

“And you are absolutely certain she would do the same? How can you be so sure that your sweet Penelope hasn’t found someone else to warm that empty wedding bed of hers?”

His bed? That bed he carved with his own two hands would be taken by someone else? That thought terrified him. No, he didn’t even want to think about it!

“Please goddess, stop! Say no more, I employ you!”

Suddenly he felt the need to defend himself against her accusations even if he had no real logical argument to repel them. It was as if his heart knew what his brain was repelling. His mother in the Underworld had told him that Penelope was enduring still and he held onto that for dear life. But, the other part of his brain was asking, how long has his mother been dead? If she met her end years ago then what guarantee did he have that Penelope hadn’t really remarried? He had none and he knew it, but he still wouldn’t want to accept such a scenario!

“But what if I am right?” Calypso insisted, “What if you are right and she endured but eventually she had to bend? What if your sweet Penelope has found a new husband?”

“Then…” the king of Ithaca whispered, “…that is one more reason for me to go back! To claim what is mine; my land, my kingdom, my palace…and my wife!”

Calypso frowned and lowered her head. She was astonished by his seer stubbornness and his refusal of seeing what he was truly refusing! She felt anger rising inside her. She adored him and she desired him. She had tried everything the past weeks to make him see it but apparently his mind was captured by his wife for an eternity and regardless of whether she managed to read his heart or not, Odysseus was once more distanced from her… She felt an anger she never felt before in her long life; was this the emotion humans named “envy”? Was she envious of a mere mortal woman? A woman that would eventually grow old and die? No, she refused to accept such weakness! And she wouldn’t lose to a mortal woman to the fight for the heart of this man she had come to adore to her bones!

*

Calypso was working her loom. She could feel the enchantment had faded; the sweet lithe that wanted to give to Odysseus so his pain would heal and he wouldn’t need to think so much of the things he would leave behind, had started to fade. It was as if, indeed, Odysseus’s mental and emotional strength were enough to make him indeed Equal to Gods… She banged her fist on the wood frustrated. She had seen his heart, she had saved his life, she had helped him and yet she still was so far away from him and all this time Odysseus had been resisting her incantation by seer will and emotion without even knowing it! No, she couldn’t let him leave, not before her questions were answered! What made him tick so much? What made his will to survive so strong that he managed to come out alive out of the greatest of hardships? Why was she so helplessly trapped in his charms when he was just a mortal man with no intention to seduce her in the first place? She sighed. She didn’t need to look behind her shoulder to realize it was Odysseus standing behind her.

“Calypso…” he whispered, “Great goddess of Ogygia…please…give me a vessel…give me a small ship to go back to my country… You nursed me back to health, you gave me valid answers to some of my questions… I can no longer stay here… Please, beautiful nymph I employ you…give me a ship to govern”

“There are no ships in Ogygia, Odysseus!” Calypso replied almost coldly, “No one ever comes or goes from here… Ships do not cross this sea…so full of danger”

“Then…please give me the tools to make one” Odysseus insisted, “Please, I have to go back, do you understand? I have been away from my wife and son so long! I want to embrace my precious Telemachus again! Tell him how sorry I am for missing all his life! Please be merciful, powerful nymph…please let me go…”

Calypso sighed. Her fist clenched.

“Fine…if that’s what you want to do…” she stood up to her full height and turned around

She was a tall woman; as tall as he was in total. Perhaps even a few centimeters taller. Her look was magnificent under the pale light of dusk. And yet her honey eyes shone in a dangerous way that Odysseus never saw before.

“But first, before you leave, I need something from you, Odysseus”

“Anything, goddess!” Odysseus replied almost immediately, “As long as it is within my power to give it to you”

“The gifts of Xenia, I gave you…” Calypso immediately replied; her eyes resembled now a predatory bird that had caught a mouse in her claws, “I took you in my house, I gave you my bed to sleep, I gave you my wine and bread to satiate your hunger and quench your thirst and clothes to wear. I believe you owe me some gifts of Xenia back.”

Odysseus’s heart sank in his chest.

“Goddess…” he began, “I have nothing to give you! I lost everything. If I had my vessel I would have given you all the treasures I got from Troy and every land I encountered in-between! I would give you the best wine and fabrics, jewelry and pearls from all ends of the world! The price would be too little for the good you did to me! But, alas, I have nothing. I am a ruined shipwrecked man! I have nothing to give you, to repay your hospitality!”

“Ah, Odysseus, Odysseus… There is something you can give me, something much more important than those soulless things. Wine…jewelry? Why would I need any of those? I already have plenty. However there is something you can give me, Odysseus, that nothing of those can buy…”

Odysseus eyed her curiously.

“What?” he genuinely asked, “What is it that I have that is so precious to you, good goddess?”

Calypso slowly walked to him. And then Odysseus froze because what she did next was something that totally took him aback. Her hand softly touched his cheek and then her lips landed upon his. Odysseus felt his eyes widen like a rabbit before the sight of a fox. No…no it couldn’t be! Calypso pulled back smiling seductively.

“Entertain me, Odysseus!” she whispered, “Give me what your wife enjoyed for a little while… Show me how mortals make love!”

Pale as a sheet, Odysseus took plenty of steps back.

“No…!” he whispered, “No, no! Please, I beg of you goddess!  I-I can’t give you what you ask!”

“Why not?” Calypso pressured, “You gave this to the divine daughter of Helios.”

Circe’s name came back to haunt him. Yes, Odysseus had shared a bed with Circe but then it was different! Hermes had told him not to refuse her and he had his men to protect. Right now he was alone. He had no one else to protect but his own skin and right now his decision would mean so much more than just an exchange and somehow he knew it!

“Please, spare me, good goddess!” Odysseus begged, “Ask for anything else, but not that, not that please!”

Penelope…Telemachus…

“It seems like offending gods has become a second nature to you, Odysseus!” Calypso retorted, “You make it sound like the worst thing that can happen to you is to bed me!”

Odysseus turned pale in terror. No, he definitely did not mean to offend her and yet what she asked of him…

“I’ll…I’ll do anything else, goddess. I shall delay my departure to make you a magnificent palace with my own hands if you wish…”

“Why would I need such thing, Odysseus? As you see I am missing nothing in my godly grotto. Why would I need a palace in my isle?”

“I…I shall build you a temple in Ithaca once I arrive!” Odysseus desperately tried again, “I shall make you the greatest goddess of all the Cephallinians, but please spare me!”

Calypso let out a light chuckle.

“The gifts of Xenia are not something given after 10 years, Odysseus!” she said as a matter of fact, “Not to mention that there is no guarantee that you will even make it back to your little island. The way Poseidon wishes your demise, I highly doubt you will make it beyond my bay! Nay, Odysseus. Besides why would I need worship? I live content on my island like that. I’d rather get what I wished for”

“Spare me!” Odysseus cried out, “Spare me, goddess, please! I’ll fall on my knees for you, beggar at your feet, but please don’t make me do this!”

He would have indeed dropped on his knees to hug hers, to make sure that she would not push him any further but she stopped him. She had come to know him.

“Please, Odysseus, no more, otherwise it will be much harder for me to keep refusing you!”

“Please, show mercy!”

“I have stated what I want from you and that’s it” Calypso replied relentless, “Are you going to trample the laws of Xenia as well? Wasn’t the taking of Troy enough when you fought at night using trickery? Wasn’t offending one god enough? Do you now wish to trample this sacred law dictated by Zeus as well?”

Odysseus froze in place; the law of Xenia…the law that he lived on all his life with. The law that he honored above all was now brought before him. He knew he had nothing to give her and he knew he could not offend her any further. He grabbed his head in desperation.

“If I want to see my wife and child…I have to appease her… Oh, Penelope! Forgive me! I am just a man; a weak, mortal man! I cannot fight with gods! I am tired! I can’t do this anymore!” he thought in despair, “My honor…trampled so many times! Gods, mercy! No more! Please no more!”

He knew everything had a price; he had learnt that the hard way! However seeing also Calypso; the kind nymph that took him in without asking anything before; the person he thought might be the exception, now bringing such a horrendous price for him to pay stroke him harder than anything. Suddenly his heart ached and then he felt like it broke. They are all the same, he thought, all gods and humans are the same! They all require a price and they ignore the distressful pleading!

*

Calypso’s chambers were dimly lit in moonlight only one or two torches lit the room. Calypso was casually leaning in her bed, observing him with an unreadable look; it was a mixture of lust, amusement, curiosity and wonder… Odysseus was shaking as he turned to the low table. He poured a cup of wine for himself and he downed it. Then he took another one. He breathed heavily. Gods let me go numb tonight…he thought, let me not feel this that I am about to do…. He could feel her eyes burning holes to the back of his nape, as if she was gaining strength from his distress. As if it as amusing to her. He turned around to see the nymph; so beautiful and so terrible, staring at him.

“Take off your clothes and join me, Odysseus…” she whispered seductively

Odysseus mechanically breathed in and out and then slowly opened his chiton, revealing his wide chest. He wished his mind wasn’t so frozen and yet so aware. For the first time in his life he wished to faint here and there; black out so he will not be conscious when it happens! Calypso shot up from the bed and grabbed the cloth, tearing it apart with one single move. Odysseus winced before her strength but even more he winced when her hands touched his chest, burning his flesh like fire as she felt the curly hair that adorned it. She felt every detail, every muscle, every scar… She shivered in delight finally feeling his flesh beneath her fingertips and the reactions that came with it… She felt every tremor, every jerk that strong mortal body was emitting! She sealed his lips with hers. Odysseus had kept his mouth as tightly closed as possible. Her lips burnt like coals…his soul hurt like being torn apart! Calypso softly pulled back and whispered against his lips;

“Like you mean it, Odysseus…like you mean it!”

Odysseus nearly broke down in tears as her lips sealed his again. He tried really hard to respond, feeling a jerk to his hair by her strong hand.

“I am Odysseus of Ithaca! Father to sweet Telemachus…son of Laërtes…There is nothing I can’t endure!”

The strokes came even lower. Odysseus prayed with all the power of his soul that his body wouldn’t react; that she would lose interest in him…however, as always, the gods were relentless. He felt his body responding to her caresses and her forcible seduction. He held back himself; no he wouldn’t moan! Be it pleasure or pain; he wouldn’t react! He wouldn’t give off the storm inside him!

“I am the Man of Many Turns…Goodly Odysseus! I am the Sacker of Cities! I am the spawn of Hermes…grandson of Autolycus! I shall not…I cannot be broken…!”

The touch nearly drove him insane in rage and confusion! He sighed as he nearly felt himself losing his footing.

“Endure my heart…please endure…! You have endured worse…!”

She led him on her bed…to which he was forced to lay and she threw her dress off her body revealing herself to him as pretty as she was terrible. As she climbed over him Odysseus wanted to shut his eyes closed, to hide those small tears that escaped his eyes and got lost in his curly hair.

“Oh, Athena! Oh, Pallas! Why! Why! Why! Please guide me to take this bitter cup upon my lips! Why are you silent, Athena? Why did you abandon me?”

As more kisses cascaded his body and he felt those arms almost pinning him on the bed, Odysseus remembered Circe… She had led him to her bed thinking she had his consent… Calypso knew she didn’t. She knew he couldn’t escape and yet it was as if she wanted to make sure! As she slowly raised herself to a position that was comfortable, Odysseus felt his heart break. The sudden rush made him almost lose his breath. He threw his head back in a silent scream. He wanted to close his eyes and yet he couldn’t avoid the terrible sight; he saw that face that was always calm and collected; maternal even now distorted in a mask of forceful bliss and a cascade of sighs and hums. That body that supported him before and helped him move about in the cave when he was weak was now moving over him making a series of sensations rush through his veins…those hands that so gently and so strongly supported him were now pinning him down; her left hand resting somewhere behind her back, close to the scar that adorned his leg and the other pressing upon his laryngeal prominence. He clenched his jaw till it hurt so he wouldn’t groan in distress; his body reacting to her treatment was much more terrifying even than the sight of hers on top of him.

“No more…please gods no more…”

And then it was over! He nearly fell back to the pillows breathing heavily like wounded. Calypso was breathing as well; only in delight. She didn’t seem half as tired as he was…

“On my word, Odysseus!” she panted softly, “You really ARE ‘Equal to gods’!”

He felt nauseous! He wanted to scream. He remained on the same position…not daring to look at her anymore as she kissed his cheek tenderly, hands tracing his body. Only one tear escaped his eye.

“Why…? WHY!”

*

Calypso was humming softly as she was arranging her hair. She had thrown a robe around her naked body, looking at her reflection at the bronze spectrum. Odysseus almost staggered in the room. He had thrown a new chiton over himself but he still felt the shame around him. He was breathing irregularly in rage and sadness.

“Now…” he panted, “Give me a vessel, goddess! Let me go home as you promised…!”

“Promise?” Calypso asked almost innocently, “I don’t recall promising such thing!”

Odysseus felt like someone had stabbed him in the heart.

“What?!” he croaked out, “But you said…”

“I said that you need to entertain me, Odysseus, to return me my gifts of Xenia but I did not promise I would immediately give you the means to make a vessel. And besides did you honestly think that one night is enough to buy your life’s worth?”

“I am ruined!” Odysseus cried out, “I am ashamed! I will probably never be able to face my wife and son again! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!” he finally yelled beyond his wits.

Calypso looked at him sincerely.

“I want you to love me, Odysseus!”

She stood up, taking advantage of his sudden shock.

“At first I was curious…I was not sure how mortals make love; this desperation that is linked to your temporary nature… Does it feel better for you that you know you are doomed? To us is just another pass time sometimes but to mortals it means so much more… But…”

She actually almost blushed! Odysseus though felt disgust and hatred.

“…But now, I am not sure if I can let you go! After feeling you…I just confirmed what I knew. You cured my loneliness…you filled an empty spot I never knew I had in my heart! I love you, Odysseus! And I want you to love me like I do…”

“Love?” Odysseus chocked in the word, “You call this love?!”

This was the only way the immortals knew to show love? Tormenting the mortals?

“I know I can win your heart, my love…” Calypso ignored him, “I know I can help you live here…with me…how to make you mine…and I shall be yours as your wife!”

“You will NEVER be my wife!”

“Oh but you are wrong, my dear. We united before gods and witnesses! You are my husband now, by the laws of gods!”

“Never! I have a wife! She waits for me! You are not my wife and you shall never be! I want to leave! You can’t hold me here!”

“You stayed one year with the witch Circe! Why acting so pious all of the sudden?”

For one moment the king of Ithaca saw only red. His hand grabbed her throat before he would realize it. Calypso was shocked only for one second but then a smirk crept to her lips.

“Like you mean it, Odysseus…” she whispered in a mocking manner, “…Like you mean it!”

Odysseus was shivering in anger. Oh, how easy it seemed if he could snap that neck that seemed so delicate! And yet he knew the truth; those bones beneath were not mortal bones and he would never manage to do anything to them and even if he did, she wouldn’t die…no, she wouldn’t die…! He let go of her running out of the room.

“You will never leave this place, you know…” Calypso’s casual voice stopped him in his tracks, “This island from the land till the currents around the sea respond to my will. Every single breeze and wave shall bring you back….”

Odysseus did not want to believe this! He ran out of the grotto. At the beach he knew he had no vessel but at that moment roaming the sea like he had come to this island didn’t seem as terrible as the fate that awaited him here. He threw a log in the water and tried to paddle away on it but, indeed the waves pushed him back on shore. He tried again with no avail. He desperately jumped into the sea to swim with all his might but the result was the same. Exhausted and exasperated Odysseus was once more pushed to the shores of Ogygia.

“No!” Odysseus yelled as he paced up and down like a wounded tiger in the cage.

In his anger he roared and threw a rock to the waves but that’s all he could do. He gave up. He sat down the sand, drawing his knees to his chest and remained silent under the stars…  In what seemed like eons, he heard Calypso’s light footsteps upon the sand and the pebbles.

“Odysseus…” she called for him, “Come inside, it is getting late”

“No thank you!” he replied in a low dangerous voice

“You shall need to eat something, my love, come back inside.”

“Your price is too high to pay!”

“Come inside, Odysseus” she repeated, “I will order for your meal to be prepared.”

“I’d rather die of hunger and cold!”

Calypso sighed. It was the type of sigh a disappointed mother would give to a child.

“As you wish” she said, “But remember you should know better not to cross with me that much, my darling. I love your spirit, I really do, however you should know better that I shall not ask twice…”

Odysseus turned to look at the waves so she wouldn’t see his jaw shiver…so she wouldn’t see the fear in his eyes. Yes, he knew. Achilles was just a mortal man and yet all he needed to do was to plead his goddess mother to bring misfortune upon all Achaeans…  He didn’t even dare to imagine what this immortal could do if she wanted. What if she ordered immortal nymphs of the oceans to drown his beautiful little kingdom? What stopped her from doing this…? Finally he heard her footsteps as she walked away. Odysseus was left alone…

*

As he was sitting there…his tears began to flow in the middle of the cold night. He buried his face in his folded arms.

“Gods! Is this, then, my fate…? Being the lapdog of a goddess every time she pleases? Shall this be the fate of Odysseus of Ithaca? Alas! Why! Why gods! I only made one mistake! I only…why! Why! Haven’t I graced you all with sacrifices and worship? Why did you abandon me? Over one mistake…?”

The smell of cooked meat came to his nostrils. His stomach growled in hunger. Once more he lamented himself and his mortal nature. He was hungry and Calypso knew that and she was using it to torment him. He clenched his head with his hands.

“Oh, alas! Is that what my men had to suffer out there…? Is this why their mortal bodies could take no more?”

He wondered why, how could he forget his lament over their loss for so long!

“That cursed witch and her spells!” he lamented, “Taking away this sorrow…putting my conscious to sleep!”

He remembered his promise…

“I have to survive…If I die here who is going to remember them? Who is going to know they were here? Who is going to tell their story? I am the only one left! I am the only one who can remember them…”

He heard the waves…his heart felt cold and heavy like the stones residing in the ocean. I don’t even have a tomb for them…he thought, I can’t even build them a funeral pyre… He felt his curly hair with his hand. His long hair was the crown on his head; thick and long; they had tangled a lot from the wind and the salt water while he traveled, almost forming natural locks. Ever since he arrived to Calypso’s isle it was always neatly combed and washed. His hand searched the beach and caught a sharp stone. He held his hair with one hand and then with the stone, slowly and methodically he cut it short as his nape… He held that hair in his hand before throwing it in the sea…the last funerary tribute that he could give them. He would survive. He would survive even if he meant to do anything for it! He would try to reach Ithaca! He would continue their legacy!

*

Calypso was sitting by the fire as her maids stirred the stew in the cauldron. She looked up and smiled. Odysseus was standing there. His face was like stone; his eyes bottomless and liquid. His hair that used to be thick and long now it was cut. His eyes were stained and burnt from tears. Calypso though smiled. She had confidence in herself that her spouse would learn to love her. It was only a matter of time and she had all the time in the world.

“Odysseus!” she whispered, “I am so glad you decided to come…”

She extended her richly adorned hand towards him. That hand that had given him life now it seemed ready to severe it.

“Come…” she urged softly, “Come to sit by the fire to get warm…we have dinner almost ready…”

One last tear ran down his cheek. Yes, he would survive no matter the cost; even if that would be his sanity and honor! The gods were silent to his prayers. He was alone. He had to survive alone…

He spoke no words anymore…

He walked in the grotto…

~~~

Oh my gosh! What have I done indeed! TT_TT but yeah...I do not fully regret! I believe this wll be the 3rd and final part of Sirvor's Guilt/Duty and I hope you enjoyed the wild ride!

Calypso weaving was inspired by this amazing soundtrack from "The Perfume"

Calypso showing Odysseus the events that occured before he arrived was inspired by the Odyssey since Odysseus mentions in his narrative how he was filled in the details by Calypso

I just HAD to include the Skylla moment because it was one of the most brutal description in the Odyssey so one can see how much Odysseus was traumatized!

Now as for how Calypso knows the details well...gods are often depicted to know things even if they aren't there (even if at other times they don't!)

And my extra explanation as to why Odysseus could not go anywhere.

The After Note was inspired by the clip from nbc Dracula (particulary the expression of poor Odysseus so read at your own accord! xd)

~~~~~~~~~

(After note)

The night was silent as always on Ogygia. The silence could strangle you. Odysseus slowly lifted himself from the narrow bed. His expression was unreadable. It was as if the pain and sorrow had left a permanent dark scar to his face that would never allow anyone to see him smile again. His hair was tangled and his beard untidy almost just like the bed that seemed even messier. He looked to the side and his eyes darkened even further, if that would even be possible, as he gazed upon Calypso’s body. She was sleeping on her stomach, with her head towards the other direction, one of her beautiful legs drawn slightly towards her. Her dark hair adorned with gold, seashells and pearls were flowing all around her like second layer of jewels and yet to Odysseus they seemed like deadly tentacles; like the heads of the dreadful Skylla that consumed his comrades when it seemed like an eternity prior. Her soft breathing was barely heard and yet to Odysseus it was echoing in his brain driving him mad. He was choking. He needed fresh air! He slowly got out of the bed, feeling the light pain down his back. He walked out of the room, feeling the cold stone of the grotto under his bare feet. He didn’t care at all that he was absolutely naked at that moment; he didn’t bother to cover himself even if there was a possibility one of the nymphs of Calypso to be around. Odysseus felt there was no sense of shame in him anymore. He ignored the nudity of his body as well as a few small scratches and bruises upon it that were accidentally caused by some miscalculation on Calypso’s strength during some of their endless nights of her passion and intercourse. Calypso had apologized of course. But then again Odysseus had stopped caring. He had tried resisting her before but with no avail, as she was much stronger than what he was. He had even tried begging her; one night! Spare me at least one night! However long now, Odysseus had stopped caring. There was no fight in him anymore.

It had been two years already, the king of Ithaca had calculated; two years of torture and despair. His hair that he had cut as a tribute to his dead men had already started to grow longer. If it were in his hands he wouldn’t even bother to brush it anymore. He didn’t feel much like grooming himself or taking care of himself. He didn’t seem to see the point in it anymore and, besides, there more unattractive he appeared in her eyes, the better. If it weren’t for the nymphs who prepared him regularly for these nightly torments of his then Odysseus probably would have stopped doing anything. The longing for return was eating his guts like a worm eating the flesh of a rotten apple; he could almost feel it through his gut! However the hope for his return was getting slimmer and slimmer. And it wasn’t just his bitter nostos that was eating him up. It was also haste and doubt. Calypso had planted that seed of doubt before and now she kept watering it with every night of abuse that Odysseus had to suffer. He was closing in that island as long as he took to travel there. Ten years he was away to Troy, three years he was traveling, losing his men one by one and now two years of imprisonment. He was away from home 15 years. What if Calypso for once was right? What if Penelope out of seer coercion decided that he was long dead and had to marry again? What would happen to him then if that last piece of him was uprooted from him? Or, much worse, what would happen if… No, Odysseus thought, that scenario he didn’t want to accept! Not Penelope…Penelope was different! She would never cheat on his memory, right? She had promised to him she would wait for his return…

“And how long is she supposed to wait for you?” there was a voice in the back of his head, “You left her wait 15 years…who would wait that long?”

Who indeed? Who would remain faithful to a man who disappeared for so long? Odysseus shivered. He didn’t even want to think about it, despite the doubt biting his heart like a snake. He remembered Agamemnon, whom he had met in the bitter ends of the Underworld. He told him to beware for his wife murdered him upon his return…with her lover.

“No! Not, Penelope! Penelope would never…”

This thought he had made so many times while residing at the beach crying or even within the arms of Calypso at night. These thoughts constantly twirling in his mind. Penelope was a kind woman when he met her. A nice soft bride. However as Calypso had said; they were married almost 20 years and yet he had known her for around a handful. What if she wasn’t who he thought she was? What if she was coerced to change? And his sweet Telemachus…his son would be now 15 years of age; around the age he was when he got his infamous scar by the boar at Parnassus. His son would be practically a man now; independent and strong. He had missed a quarter of his life; his son probably feared his father would be dead. He felt like every single day he spent on that island would be a tick to the clock against him; Penelope marrying again and Telemachus never knowing his father or hearing his voice… This was way too much to bear… His whole life moving on without him was way too much to endure. His pain was eating him up. His hair had started to grow gray. He knew his own youth was long gone however the silver edges to his temples shouldn’t normally appear so fast. His father never grew white. Even when he left for war he had his black hair almost intact and barely started to grow gray. However Odysseus felt like his own features had changed over the years. He saw himself at a polished bronze mirror once and he was surprised. He could hardly recognize the prematurely aged man inside the copper surface. Calypso didn’t seem bothered though. She even seemed to enjoy this change that his torment had brought about him; perhaps she was charmed by his mortal nature; this nature that showed how helpless existence was, that no matter what one did, their time on this earth would be counted for anyways.

Eventually he reached the entrance of the wide, white cave. He was greeted by the sounds of the night and the cold night breeze. Odysseus, though, didn’t shiver nor did he feel it. It was as if his body had turned into marble; his heart into stone. It didn’t matter if in the mornings he was seeking sanctuary to the solitude of the sandy beach and there he would bawl his eyes out almost all day; having nothing else to do but gaze at the waves and cry. In the night Odysseus was a cold statue; as if he had no more tears to shed. As he stood there, listening to the song of the crickets and the waves to the far beyond he felt weak…he felt helpless…he felt like nobody…Oh, how many times had he wished he could get in her room and kill her! How many times he wished he could snap her neck, smother her with a pillow or open that delicate throat with his sword! But he knew it would be impossible. He looked up and noticed a night bird flying to the sky. His furious eyes became liquid and his fists clenched painfully.

“If only you never existed…!” he thought bitterly, “If only you gods never existed! Then us mortals could live our life in peace!”

He was always faithful to the gods. Many people had said he was the best when it came to sacrifices and respect. But now it all seemed pointless in the cover of this dreadful night and all the nights before. Odysseus had come to fear the night and its creatures and feeling disgust by them and he came to hate the day because it only held solitude and sadness. He didn’t even get his usual nightmares as he often got when he slept for the past years; it was as if he was completely hollow. There was hardly anything left of him anymore. Not even his faith. He watched the night owl fly soundlessly in the moonlight and his heart was filled with anger and despair. Athena, why did you abandon me, he thought. Curse you too! How can you leave me like this! However as if he realized the severity of his own mind his eyes watered and a tear ran down his cheek.

“Gods, I am turning into a monster…” he thought, “If I lose my faith to the gods…then…then what’s left of me then…? Is there anything left of Odysseus of Ithaca, father to sweet Telemachus and son of Laërtes?”

He looked back at the grotto that had become his salvation and now his prison and torture. Oh, how he wished he turned that place into a second Troy! How he wished he had his trusty bow that he left to Ithaca, to shoot his arrows to all these creatures that tormented him and set this place in fire! If only he could! He visualized so many times driving arrows to the sensitive flesh of these women and leaving Calypso for last… He would enter her rooms dripping the dark blood of her companions; naked sword in hand so she could see; take a good look on what she did to him and then she would feel the kiss of the metal to her tender throat… He visualized her death so many times that he could almost taste it… Something in his mind snapped. He could almost feel like doing it. Eyes on fire and dripping hot tears he clenched his fists to the point of almost breaking the skin with his nails. He slowly marched to the room only to find her sleeping in the same position; totally unperturbed by his torment.

“Why am I the monster…?” he thought, “And she can sleep peacefully…? After everything she did to me…?”

As madness crept even more into his heart as his infamous temper was about to explode his hands were clenching in a painful grip but he refused to feel the pain. Maybe he could do it tonight. Maybe he could try… Perhaps she was a normal nymph after all; immortal but not indestructible! Maybe he could take his vengeance from this magnificent being that tormented him in the cover of the night, why not? He had done this before. One more sin to add to his miserable life; one more attempt! He could at least try. If it didn’t work, the worst case scenario would be that he would be liberated from this if her anger turned against him! Slowly and soundlessly like a lion in the night he crept on the bed over her. His onyx eyes were even darker than the night around him; yes, he could try! Slowly and carefully he crawled over her when…

An iron hand grabbed his throat, cutting his breath for one second.

Odysseus felt his heart skip a beat. He recognized that soft hand; it was smooth and sleek like silk but held the power of three men in that tiny touch. Suddenly all his previous resolve; his madness evaporated in thin air by the reminder of her strength. No, he had absolutely no chance of doing anything to her. She was no ordinary nymph. She was the daughter of the titan Atlas, the man who held the sky… That grip on his throat lasted for only one second because immediately after it turned into a tender touch to the sides of his neck, followed by a second hand that held him there; softly and yet demandingly. Calypso raised her body to meet his face with hers; her eyes glistering with love and passion.

“Odysseus…!” she whispered

Her voice was barely audible and yet Odysseus didn’t really feel like reacting anymore as those lips sealed his and kissed him deeply. Odysseus felt exhausted. It was as if all his previous anger had taken the life out of him. He knew he had no choice but to respond to her kiss. He had come to know her. He grasped her hair to the back of her head and pulled desperately; in a weak and pitiful attempt to hurt her back. It was his way of showing the weak resistance he could; he would often grab or pull her hair when she kissed him or grasp her in what would have been a bruising grip for any other grown mortal man but it didn’t work on Calypso and he knew it, if anything it was almost like confirmation to her that he was equally passionate, giving her the wrong impression. He knew it was doing nothing. It was just his last way to show his will. As Calypso wrapped her beautiful legs around his waist she pulled him down with her.

Odysseus felt his tears dry in his eyes.

He was once more a statue.

He chose not to feel…

[itsmelb]

Welcome to my thoughts about KP Finale/ KP the Series

(Bare with me it's going to be quite long bc you can expect, I felt fucking everything!!!)🤭🥵❤️😭 SPOILERS ahead!

The Storyline

So everything came to an end. Somehow there are many open questions though (more later on that point). But I think they did it so perfect. It was heartbreaking, sexy, funny, murderous and a bit crazy. We feel everything at once.

Porsche gets his mother back (who seems sus to me???? What is up with her man? Aaah), Gun is dead (I don't know how to feel about that - mixed I guess.) Korn is soo sus I don't trust hin with everything. And I wanna slap his face for all of his lies.

I loved the 3 Brothers in one room, I loved VegasPeteMacau Hospital Hug thingy, I love Porsches struggle (heartbreaking!!!) bc we all can relate with situations that threw us out of our life, I love Kim/Jeff singing "Why don't you stay" to Chay, and he not deleting the video, I love the fight scenes, and I love that we got Mafia Kinn (holy shit hot!) and Kinnporsche Marriage (I call it that way don't come at me haha) and don't get me started on Vegas emotional damage and his redemption (kinda??) Arc... wow. What an episode 👏

Now diving in deeper..

2. The characters/relationships

- the bodyguards: damn those guys, I love them. I wanna see more of them. I wanna see ArmPol lovestory, I wanna get the dead ones back (Big redemption!!! Spinoff pls!!!) Arm and Thankuns blow ups were so fucking great in the ep, and oh lord Pete..

- the friends: I love Yok! I want more of her. Mama slay!!! And then there is TimeTay. I wanna see their story. (Tay deserves the world!!) I love them teasing Kinn and make KinnPorsche cringing haha. 😬

- the parents: you all suck man! Gun is an asset to Vegas. And okay we don't know why he is like that (ok his dad was also an ass and the Mafia is like crazy and he lost a lot of dearest people..) but it doesn't give you the right to do sth like he did to his kids. And Korn is not better either. Is acting all nice and friendly but is a fucking liar. "I wanna protect you" hahah funny. Darn u mf! And the Mom. Sth so off. I don't now yet but I (hope) we will soon!

-Chay: oh baby Boi! I am so lost with him. I want to see more of him and his music and happy and not suffering and I love and turned on for the first time ever and feeling everything.

- Kim: I fucking love him. And hate him. I wanna see him happy. I don't understand him sometimes.he is mysterious and hot and the fight scene damn. And his voice. Killed it. Literally. I want more of him and Chay. I want kisses, I want songs. All. (And what are his motives? He wants power obv and I am a little bit scared but sooo eager to find out!!)

#kimchay: so in the future when they hopefully get back together I wanna see more of them together. They were a little short. And I miss their sweetness btw all the Mafia sexyness haha. Chay makes Kim soft. And I love that. Also more songs! And maybe some kisses. :D

- Pete: damn. The scene were he resigns wow. My heart shattered. And all the scenes with Vegas....I uh. Cry again forever. He Is such a deep character and we haven't seen all of him I am so sure. I wanna see more of badass Pete (together with badass Vegas haha obv) man when he shot that man wow. I got goosebumps, and all the scenes in the previous eps. Wow. This man suffers and is so fucking wise I aaah!

- Vegas: I never thought he would be one of my favorite ones ever. But his Arc is so heart breaking and raging and full of Angst and sorrow. He deserves everything and I love the way he is free now (obv not really but objectively) I loved his scenes with Pete obv and with Porsche too.. I am excited to see how it will turn out that P is now Minor Fam King and he is not (although he wanted it so bad or had to do every for it..)

#Vegaspete: the ship that stole the show! Man their scenes are sexy, heartbreaking and hurting. I love their dynamic. And their full on fight mode, love that kills. It hurts and it's beautiful. I want to see more. Also with the fam now. Some soft scenes some new way for Vegas. So light (and ofc the darkness and sexyness always lingering around the corner)

-Porsche: he has a soft spot in my heart. I would forgive him nearly everything. And his look damn. I am glad he is getting in the near of the truth, and that his family is back. And that he has Kinn on his side. Forever. I wanna see more of Porsche badass Mafia boss vibes (I mean the suit entrance in the hallway man mf looks intimidating) give him all! Also his sweet side. Damn Heartbreaker! A true family man in the core. And a fucking sexy mf!

- (my beloved) Kinn: he is my favorite character. I love how powerful it was, when Korn "died" and he had to keep it together and be the boss, he was so cold there when he shot those guys. How hot was he sir. Wow. And then we sees his other soft side of him, when sb he loves is in danger or hurt. Man this breaks my heart. Also he is always so sexy. And horny ahha. With Porsche haha. Man I love his funny and little dump jokes. Wow. Could write more...

#KinnPorsche: the ones I fell so hard for at first, the ones that brought me to the show. Their everything is so good. I love the fights, the laughs the teasing, the love making, the power they hold (especially now. What a scene it was (see photo)) how beautiful they are. What a fucking mess they are. And how they fix each other every time. I am crying bc it hurts me to let them go (for now) bc I really love them sm. Mafia Family forever!

3. The Actors

The cast: I am in love with this cast. Never seen such a funny, heartwarming cast and how they are together. I love this mafia kindergarten. And how they are there for eo! We stan!

Tong: I love him sm. His character is so crazy and I love that. So thx! It was so fun!

Barcode: he is so cute and he can sing! I see some sassy moments in interviews. I know he will be a great actor. I am so excited when we see him with more emotions (the crying man killed me sm!) And action with everyone.

Jeff: I really fell for him and his music. How can sb be so sexy. (This fight scenes in the bar lord have mercy) I wanna see how he acts soft and love dovey with Barcode/Chay. I want more songs. I love his smile.

Build: how is he so good at his job. The emotions everything I cried so much with him. He deserves the world. He stole so many scenes. Bc he is so talented oh lord. I want to see more of him!!

Bible: my huge respect for him. All was new for him and even the language! I love his English! I love his effort. His perfection his look. I cant say more bc he makes me speechless. Wow.

#Biblebuild: those friends (or what they are) their scenes together kill me every time. I wish them all the best. Nobody deserves them. They are so golden! Scene stealers! For ever in love with them!

Apo: the greatest there is. His eyes. Wow. How he acts. How he is as a person after all he went through. Man he deserves only good things. I love how he is a force if energy and smiles but is like very deep with thinking and explaining. That is sth I do too. And I love to see sb is like that too. Miss his presence from now on!

Mile: puh. Do I have to say sth anymore? He is smart, kind and how he looks. And he made it all possible. And he is so shy and funny and also so open to the world. We all should praise him. All he is doing. Man. I will forever love him. He is the perfect Kinn.

#MileApo: there is sth so addictive about them together I can't even explain... I just love everything they give us. And their trust in eo. ❤️😭

The producers/crew: thx for everything! Without you it would not be possible! I love Ponds Ideas of water and pools ahah and all his mind is so good! Thank you!!!

4. What the future may holds...

I hope we get a season 2. I think they can't break our hearts don't doing one (or infinite) more season(s) (pls 🤭🤭) I know the expectations will be high. So fucking high. But I will take all. Everything! Just give them back to me!

What is with the parents? What is the truth? We have the bad version, the half good version and a version from a Boi who doesn't remember well. So...and what will that do to KinnPorsche? What is with VegasPete family moments? Give it to me!! And Kimchay obv. All!!

The world tour is there and I am excited to see content from everywhere.

5. My personal conclusion

I never thought I would fall head over heels fora BL series. I never watched one before (see some snippets ofc but not much) and then KP the series came and the rest is history. It was the best show ever. And I read all the time that they did so good and everyone who loves BLs are agreeing that this is a huge milestone for the genre. So. Thank you KP Family for everything! Edits, gifts, trending all over the world. It was fun. And it will always be. No legacy is as rich as honesty!🖤

Kinnporsche Family forever ❤️

(When you read this all! Your a real gem! Thx! Sry for mistakes, english is not my first language) ❤️