#🔧╰█✘┊❝ CRACK.

[sonicdiaz]

He’s not sure how he feels about this…

@salivatingsycophant

[tazmilyxfamily]

"I'm back from the whole Time Devourer thing! What did I—"

^ Currently losing it.

"—miss. Oh. Gosh. Um..."

[notafraid-ofyou]

She is plotting something, she is sneaking…

Shenanigans are afoot…

[gible-love-nibles-archive]

Good morning! Might try and do some character refs for Artfight today, but for now. More A.zran L.egacy

[tazmilyxfamily]

"You say that, but at this point I'm half tempted to write my own dang blueprints for a new battleship JUST so we don't have to see that stupid rotund waste of metal and intelligence again for at least a few more games!"

❝That's the spirit, tater tot! Rip that bald twatwaffle a new asshole!❞

[faeryarchives]

when your hopeless streamer gets a girlfriend (ace trappola x f!reader)

summary: the rising streamer ace trappola has always been teased by his friends and fans about his failed relationships - that is until one certain stream where each and everyone of them were proven wrong.

note: ok i had this idea at 1 in the morning i was like 'hmmm what if we make a streamer series for twst?' and its just full of fluff and crack like no magic au + everyone is just normal

recent fics: happy birthday (malleus x reader) & so what are we? & in sickness and in health

it was around saturday midnight when everyone should be asleep, but ace trappola decided it was a good time to stream a horror game out of all possible games he could play with his friends. they all started as friends before starting the game but i fear he might have none after the stream.

"crabby, where are you~?" the sound of floyd humming through the mic sent shivers down the boy's back as he tried hiding from the hunter. "it's so funny to see floyd just have this tunnel vision to kill ace." jamil's smooth voice rang out, obviously amuse how the scene was unfolding. 

"oh flooooyd! ace is hiding in the house with the telephone!"

"i hate all of you, after this game i am blocking everyone!" seeing him become the victim in the game and everyone turning on against him, his fans flood the live stream chat with laughing emojis and 'take the l'.

"ace, become a good bait while we fix the car." he heard ruggie and deuce laugh at his misery before their characters ran opposite his direction.

"okay who is the one that said floyd should be the hunter this round? hey, hey, hey! stop chasing after me- am i the only player in this game?! epel is right here!" in an act of desperation, ace tried to hide behind epel's character instead but only to receive massive damage when the attack hit him instead.

"eh... but guppy-chan isn't even trying to run away, which is boring!"

"wait, really?" he then stopped running. ace turned to face the hunter's character, trying to see if floyd would actually kill him, only to notice something wrong a little too late. "heh, gotcha,"  ace screamed into his mic, watching his character gets stuck in the tree and meet his demise as floyd split him into half literally. the words 'you died' appeared on the streamer's screen. 

gloomurai: wow you are so great in this game 🤣

"i see you idia-senpai! it's not my fault they all turned against me!"

wani-sama🔧: it's your karma for selling them out to ruggie last game

"yeah, yeah... well, i'm always the last one to get caught, so this can be pretty relaxing." the streamer smirked as he watched from deuce's point of view where he is currently lost in the woods. 

"i get to watch them die but knowing floyd he might quit mid-game." to used to being the first one out, ace sighed, switching from one point of view to another. bored ou of his mind, he looked at the corner of his screen, ace looked at the comments curiously as they try suggesting things.

muscle-red: why don't you do a q and a while waiting then?

"question and answer? don't you guys basically know me already?" ace looked at the screen intently, contemplating whether he should do it.

"fucking viper i swear!" suddenly someone joined the call causing ace to jump in surprised, only to realize it was ruggie. 

"how did you die?"

"jamil betrayed me because we thought it was a four-seater car. it turns out it was only two!" hearing this, ace turned to jamil's point of view and snickered about how he and epel got chased by the sneaky eel. "welcome to the dead club."

as if he could imagine his senior rolling his eyes at his words, he smirked smugly - karma does bite back hard. "hardy har... what were you doing? i heard something about a question and answer?"

"chat wants me to have another q and a portion, what more do i have to tell you guys?"

cowabunga: how is the search for your beloved mwishxr: there is no use in asking that 

"search for my beloved? hey!"

"shishishi! even your viewers are against you!"

it's a running joke in ace's community on how he was immediately dump by his ex girlfriend one week after dating. it wasn't like he wanted to share the story - he shared it as a batsu game after losing a round of uno. usually, when asked about his search for a girlfriend, ace would get all red and try to defend himself from the single until he became old allegations.

but today was surprising because not only did he not become all flustered and defensive - ace trappola looked smug even as he leaned his head into his palm and laughed.

"hmm, i wonder about that?" from behind, ace could hear approaching footsteps stopping next to him, and the live stream chat went wild and even ruggie who was looking at ace's stream right now watched with wide eyes as someone who was wearing the streamer's well-known sweater stood beside him.

"what the fuck?!"

gloomurai: ?!?!? muscle-red: what is with the sudden plot twist wani-sama🔧: WAIT wani-sama🔧: IS THAT-?!

"heya (nickname)~" ace hummed, turning his gaming chair facing your direction, his arms wrapping themselves around your waist as he grinned at you ever so cheekily. "you're late!"

"what are you five? i don't even know why you want me to come over." you rolled your eyes, trying to push him away playfully, only to run your fingers through his hair and chuckle.

seeing him lazily smiling at you causes you to succumb to your urge to pinch his cheeks - hard, making ace cry out in pain. before you could even ask another question, you saw something flash at the corner of your eye causing you to look at his monitor - realizing that he is still streaming. while holding onto you. and he not even on mute!

"this is all your plan, wasn't..." holding his face in your hands, ace could only laugh and nod, his hand quickly pulling you down, making you sit on his lap as he proudly present you to everyone. "as you can see, i am not hopeless anymore!"

wani-sama🔧: WHAT ARE YOU DOING SIS?!

"how is it possible i could hear sebek through the screen..." you sigh, leaning your back on ace and waved at the camera so casually as if the chat and ruggie weren't surprised at all.

"i just want to say to chat that ace didn't have my family in hostage." with you hand wrapped around his, you put up up and showed it to the camera. "and he is stuck with me."

hearing at just what you said made everyone in the chat go insane erupting into numerous emoji and something with the lines of 'oh my god he is not lying!' or just exclamation but nothing beats the reaction of your friends.

"(name) you settled for a guy like him?!" you could hear ruggie's surprised voice through your boyfriend's headset and honestly, you were contemplating if you would agree or just laugh it off.

"what can i say? sometimes, idiots have their charms."

jamil-viper: i can't believe you got (name) of all people... deuce-spade: oh thank god i don't have to keep it a secret anymore. wani-sama🔧: YOU KNEW?! epel-felmier: i think that's the effect of not our gc !!

the stream goes on with ace finally having his bragging rights and the twitter stans going crazy about the sudden girlfriend reveal. oh well, karma does hit back hard doesn't it?

[meiliarotten]

Lingerie Headcanons (All Mercs!)

🔞Minors DNI🔞

The Masterlist

👟 Scout 👟

Honestly I see scout as the kind of guy that gets worked up if you just happen to wear a bra and panties that match.

He just likes the idea that you put thought into what you were gonna wear for him

If you really wanna play to a fantasy though…

Playboy Bunny suits

It’s stereotypical, but people find those outfits sexy for a reason, so can you really blame him?

Favorite colors- he would claim to like the typical red and black, but I honestly think he has a soft spot for pink.

And he definitely doesn’t know shit about lingerie styles (tbh, neither do I. I’m looking at charts and cosmopolitan articles as I write this) so a simple bra and panty set suits him just fine

🦅 Soldier 🦅

Just dress up as the Statue of Liberty, he’ll be all over you

Ok, I’m kidding. Kinda. On to the serious stuff.

I think less is more with Soldier. I’m thinking vintage pinup aesthetic really gets him going

I know it’s not technically lingerie, but hear me out

Wear a dress or top that shows off your chest or “accidentally” drop something only to bend over in a skirt that’s conveniently just a bit too short

Bonus points if your wearing some actual lingerie beneath that skirt, flashing a bit of lace

Tease him, see if you can crack that strict drill sergeant demeanor he tries so hard to maintain

Once you're in private just know he’s not going to hold back on you.

favorite colors are red white and blue. No, I will not be backing down on this.

🔥 Pyro 🔥

the more colorful, the better with this one!

That goes double for frills.

Honestly the two of you could probably make a whole day out of you trying on different outfits and strutting around like a runway model, much to their delight

Pyro is like your own personal cheerleader

May also enjoy sexy costumes (nurses, French maids, etc), but I don’t see them as being much into roleplay, so those are probably more for fun

The fashion show usually ends when an outfit is just too hot for them to resist 😏

Because Pyro fucks and I will die on that hill

Their favorite colors for lingerie would be shades ranging from fire red to pastel pink

Favorite style is either babydolls or rompers. They just think you look so cute in them!

💥 Demoman 💥

He probably has the most ‘traditional’ lingerie tastes of everyone

Nothing too fancy, just a silk chemise or a pair of lacy black panties will do just fine

He definitely loves being surprised with it now and then. Undressing you to find that you’re wearing something special is always a turn on

Sometimes he’ll even save up to buy you a pair for special occasions like anniversaries.

He always gets super flustered when giving it to you, though. It’s really freaking cute

That said, if you really want to get him going, wear a pair of his boxers

You know those guys who think it’s hot as fuck when their partners wear their boxers or briefs?

Yeah, Demo’s one of those guys, 100%

Plus, you get to wear comfy, loose underwear. It’s a win-win!

🥊 Heavy 🥊

Heavy doesn’t have any need for fancy lingerie

Honestly he’s kinda terrified of tearing it. That stuff is expensive!

That said, he does enjoy the way you look in a teddy.

When he learns the name of the garment he’ll call you his “little bear.” It quickly becomes his favorite pet name for you

Favorite colors- doesn’t really have any. He thinks you look pretty in any hue.

That said, one thing that gets him even more worked up than lingerie?

Is when you wear one of his shirts- obviously way to big for you, fitting you like a nightgown- and nothing else.

🔧 Engineer 🔧

this is gonna be stereotypical as hell

And honestly he’s very aware of how stereotypical it is and he’s a little ashamed of it

But if you wore a sexy cowgirl costume he would be on you in a nanosecond

But let’s run with that- I think Engie likes costumes

This man has a secret knack for roleplay, I’m telling you

Naughty nurses, feathery show girls, a college student with a low cut blouse who would do anything for a passing grade

He does have some more vanilla tastes as well though. For example I think he loves the simplicity of a camisole or nightgown

Favorite colors would include white and baby blue

🏥 Medic 🏥

I will PERISH on this hill- Medic is a thigh man.

He LOVES the way stockings hug your legs. (In fact I’ve written a fic about this exact scenario)

He would also go feral over a sexy nurse outfit. Is it stereotypical? Yes. But it is also very hot. (I have also written a fic about this)

He’s definitely bold enough to just outright ask you to wear something for him, perhaps a blood red bustier and some matching garters (to play into that thigh kink I mentioned)

However he leaves it up to you when you will be wearing said thing, maintaining some element of surprise.

Once he actually sees you in it, perhaps waiting for him in his private quarters after a long day of work, he will take his time to admire you, making you do a little spin for him

He’ll definitely tease you and refuse to undress you until you're begging for his touch on your bare skin.

🦘 Sniper 🦘

Sniper is not a picky man when it comes to sex

That said, lingerie is always a welcome surprise

His only preference comes down to the style of the lingerie- he prefers crotchless designs.

He doesn’t see the point of wearing something sexy if he has to take it off to fuck you

Styles where the bottom of the panties can be easily pulled to the side also work for this

I think he also enjoys silkier textures.

He’ll run his hands over the fabric both during and after sex, almost as a way to soothe himself and come down from the high

Neither of you really know why this calms him down so much

🌹 Spy 🌹

Spy has sugar daddy energy and will probably buy lingerie for you

Expect the fanciest, silkiest garments that money can buy.

Chemise, robes, and negligee (which is basically the “wealthy widow whose husband died under mysterious circumstances” robe, according to the internet)

Most often they would be in traditional black, but I feel like a deep violet or midnight blue could also be appealing to him.

Oh and get ready to be teased to hell and back.

Spy likes to take his time, especially when you’re wearing something nice for him. After all, what’s the point if he just strips it off of you immediately? (plus this stuff is expensive so he’s gotta get his money’s worth out of this.)

He loves teasing you

[dinosus]

"Metal-heart: Genesis" ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

━━━━━━━━ ✴ ━━━━━━━━

Meet "Riven," a product of a cybernetic experiment that blurred the line between humanity and machine. He wasn't born like this—he was rebuilt. Once a decorated soldier, Riven’s body was salvaged after a catastrophic battlefield incident, his remaining flesh fused with bleeding-edge tech. The world calls him an unstoppable weapon; to him, he's a man chasing the shreds of his own soul. Android x Scientist! Reader

━━━━━━━━ ✴ ━━━━━━━━

Riven wasn’t rebuilt just to survive. You had a singular mission in mind—a near-impossible goal that required a being more machine than man.. 🔧When you first rebuilt Riven, he was a shell—his voice was monotone, his eyes hollow. He followed your instructions like a machine, rarely speaking unless prompted. There were no pleasantries, no “thank yous,” only blunt, mechanical efficiency.

"Where do you need me? Give the order."

You weren’t sure if he resented you for saving him or if he was simply beyond caring.

🔧The first time you saw Riven react with emotion was over something small. Maybe you handed him a repaired piece of gear without saying anything, and he muttered under his breath:

"This fits better. Guess you’re learning." It was so unexpected, you almost dropped your tools. He had just teased you. Slowly but surely, his wit started creeping through the cracks.

🔧Riven watches you work constantly. At first, it’s unnerving—those cold, calculating eyes fixed on your every movement. But you realize it’s not mistrust; he’s studying you, learning how you work, because he doesn’t understand why you’d care so much about him.

"You don’t need to fix me perfectly every time, Doc. I’m built to break."

"I don’t leave work unfinished, Riven. Sit still."

🔧One night, while fine-tuning his neural systems, you stumbled on a corrupted memory file. For a split second, his guard dropped—you heard snippets of his past, his voice raw and human. He didn’t lash out or shut down; instead, he stared ahead and said quietly:

"....Don’t look at me like that, you can’t fix this part of me."

You didn’t push him, but that night, you left a blanket over his chair when you finished your work. He noticed.

🔧Riven isn’t good with words when it comes to care, but his actions speak volumes. If you’ve been up too long working, he’ll stand behind you and lean down to mutter:

"Go to sleep, Doc. This thing will still be here when you wake up." And if you protest, you’ll find your tools taken out of your hands as he shuts the lab lights off himself.

🔧Riven takes your safety personally. If you’re ever in danger—whether from mercenaries, drones, or even a collapsing building—his instinct is to shield you first and fight second. He does it silently, but there’s an edge of urgency in his voice:

"You don’t get to die, Doc. Not after all this."

🔧When he returns damaged—gashes through metal plating, his synthetic skin frayed—you scold him like a concerned parent.

"You think you’re invincible, don’t you? Sit down, Riven." He doesn’t argue. He just stares at you with that unreadable expression and lets you work, the tension in his shoulders easing as your hands mend him.

Sometimes he mutters under his breath when you’re too focused: "Your hands don’t shake anymore. You’ve gotten good at this."

🔧Riven can be sarcastic, sometimes even darkly humorous. He throws comments your way that only someone who trusts you would dare say.

"So what’s the verdict today, Doc? Am I still pretty, or did you make me uglier?"

"You’ve always been pretty, Riven. Just sit still before I lose my grip."

🔧You’ve learned to give it back to him. He actually smirks when you push back because it reminds him he’s not just a weapon to you.

"Riven, I swear if you tear that neural wire again—"

"Relax, Doc. I’ll give you something to fix tomorrow. Wouldn’t want you to get bored."

🔧Some nights, when you’re both too exhausted to pretend otherwise, you sit in the dim light of the lab. Riven leans back against a wall or your workbench, his voice softer than usual.

"Do you ever wonder what’s next, after all this?"

"After defeating the [enemy]? I don’t know. Maybe I’ll open a coffee shop."

"…I don’t drink coffee, Doc."

"Then you’re not invited." Moments like these remind him he’s still allowed to dream, even if he doesn’t believe he’ll live long enough to see it.

🔧One day, you started playing music while working, and to your shock, Riven quietly remarked:

"I remember this song." He didn’t elaborate, but from then on, music became a constant in your lab. It’s your way of reminding him there’s still beauty in the world.

🔧If you’re ever injured, Riven loses his composure. He doesn’t rage or panic—he focuses, taking you somewhere safe and patching you up with an efficiency that mirrors your own care for him. He doesn’t yell, but his voice is strained.

"You’re the one who’s supposed to keep me in one piece, not the other way around." He's a worrywart.

🔧When faced with an impossible situation—when enemy’s forces close in and the odds are bleak—you and Riven have a way of grounding each other.

"You don’t have to stay with me for this, Riven."

"And leave you to screw it all up? Not happening, Doc. We’re finishing this together."

🔧Riven may be a weapon, but to you, he’s so much more. You remind him of his humanity, even when he feels like there’s nothing left. In return, he’s your shield—the one constant in your dangerous life.

He calls you “Doc” or “the genius.” On rare, quiet occasions, he says your name.

You see him not as a machine, but as a man trying to piece himself back together—much like you’ve rebuilt his body.

At the heart of it all, you’re each other’s anchor. Riven fights because you gave him purpose. You fight because he gave you someone worth believing in.

🔧Riven would never admit it out loud, but you are the first person who’s ever seen him as something other than a weapon. And for that, he’ll burn the entire world down if it means keeping you safe.

"You fixed me once, Doc. But you’re the only reason I haven’t fallen apart again." In this fallen world, you made him- your anchor.

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A/n : new prompt :D yay i tried :') part 2 ? also credits go to original artist who created that kick-ass design of Riven !

━━━━━━━━ ✴ ━━━━━━━━

ignore these yay :D

[toontastictoons]

*marshall lightly knocks on ace millers door* *he mumbles to himself* its ok….you just wanna checkup….just a look over…*the glass plate on his face is cracked* nothing to be scared of…..

*The door opens, and Ace pushes goggles up off their face. They seem to be covered in smears of oil and grease, alongside what looks like remnants of Toon gags*

Hello?

- 🔧

[helloliriels]

Thrilled to finally share the finished cover art for @raina-at's brilliant sci-fi fic:

⚙️ SPARE PARTS 🔧🔩

Two years ago, Sherlock Holmes jumped off the roof of New London Hospital. Two months ago, he walked into John's clinic as if no time had passed at all ... John hasn't seen him since. (Post-TRF, Sci-Fi, on Titan)

If you haven't read it yet, or need a post-TRF fix, check it out!!! I absolutely adore everything Raina_at writes! It was an honor to cover this one (and again, apologies for the insane delay on posting this one!!! Think I finally got it!!!) What a long, strange year it's been! xoxo - Liri

Art of winners choice for submitting the top entry in the '2022 Year of the Crack Fic' writing challenge! ❤️‍🔥 (had a blast reading all 3!)

@johnlocky @chinike @rhasima @fluffbyday-smutbynight @totallysilvergirl @chriscalledmesweetie @sarahthecoat @inevitably-johnlocked @pocketwatchofmycroft @safedistancefrombeingsmart @topsyturvy-turtely @keirgreeneyes @myriath @mutedsilence @meetinginsamarra @bluebellofbakerstreet @loki-lock @the-nerdy-autist @sgam76 @janetm74 @a-victorian-girl @gregorovitchworld @whatnext2020 @missdeliadili @escaroles @lisbeth-kk @gaylilsherlock @impalaparkedat221b @aquilea-of-the-lonely-mountain @deelaundry @13monkton @sabsi221b @arwamachine @jamesphillimoresumbrella @dontfuckmylifewtf @kettykika78 @khorazir @youcouldcallmegus @7-percent @arabbitjohn @iwlyanmw @masterofhounds @john-smiths-jawline @kittenmadnessandtea @peanitbear @peageetibbs @solarmama @anyway-kindness @glows-n-the-dark

[divinit3a]

ill probably redo this poll often. my laundry list is damning & this doesn't even include gift art/ask responses for folks... :')

"im cooking" but in the way that the kitchen is a mess, on fire, there are casualties, no survivors.

✨enjoy��

(nawt sure if folks get a kick outta stuff like this, but I love being silly together!! secretly every post i make is an open forum. Pspspsps)

if somehow u have questions/thoughts about any of these concepts... im always ready to chat! ^-^ <3 even if I might take a moment to respond. heh. ask box open + i usually respond to reblog chains & comments, if folks are comfortable! maybe add "tumblr penpal" to ur reblog tags.. so I know I can catch ya in a net x3 Ive just been jumpscaring friendly folks thus far. Mwhehe

[sonicdiaz]

He’s seeing what day it is and casually hiding the calendar.

[tazmilyxfamily]

POV You're outside Tails' lab right now. (tw rapidly changing colors)

[gummi-stims]

🧰🔨🔧🔩Toolbox clay cracking from 3ye.12 on tiktok (video credit to SlimeBox on youtube)🪚🪛🗜️🧰

[simiansmoke]

Slow Burn- DKxMario - 🐒🔧

There were plenty of activities DK enjoyed publicly: racing, bench pressing coconut trees, doing that armpit fart thing around Dad, and kicking Mario's ass. As boisterously insufferable the Kong was at times, he occasionally needed some decompression. Mostly to recharge his insufferable battery points.

Having broken through a thick layer of jungle after he had traversed out of Kong city, DK squinted at the sun in the clearing as it greeted him on his way out of the dark cover of tropical foliage. The sight that awaited him made him grin, and after flattening himself low to the ground, he tore across the field of yellow, red, and orange petals all thrumming with their internal heat.

All of the fire-flowers he disturbed lost their flames like dandelion seeds and proceeded to float away, save for the wisps DK landed on when he stopped abruptly to fall over in a pile of the warm plants. Once the wave of their floating flames passed by, he was left sunken into the remaining stems and flameless petals with a fur coat colored more cherry-mahogany than chestnut, and the tips of his fur tinged snow white.

From up on a brick sky block that sat minding its own business defying gravity, Mario had also been at ease with winding down from a day of platforming practice with the princess. Imagine his surprise when he saw the lovely plot of fire-flowers spread almost as far as the eye could see from the aerial training ground in the tropics.

Hearing the commotion below of plants being demolished like a dog loose in a garden with a bone to bury, Mario rolled over on his sunbathing perch and lowered his sunglasses to observe the scene below. Just DK being unwittingly destructive as usual. Understandable.

Once the Kong had come to a stop to lay in the field, Mario couldn't help but snort at the sight of the big guy (big HEADED mostly) co-existing somewhat peacefully with petals of all things. "You ah...come here often?" The casual remark came with a casual wave.

DK had since closed his eyes to zone out for a bit and get comfy. Too bad he kept hearing something that sounded like an Italian menace. "Sheesh, I feel bad for whatever poor, stupid animal out there that has a voice like Mario's-"

"Hey, now. That'sa fuckin' rude. You know I'm up here, right?"

A sigh escaped DK as he painstakingly opened an eye to scan the sky for Mario's block. "Wish I didn't. I'm trying to chill, dude. And you're the last person that's gonna do that for me."

"...you're in a field of literal fire flowers, DK. I doubt there's any chill down there."

"No, no there's not. Because I have zero chill for you, and you're inconveniently here so - thanks for that."

Eyes rolling, Mario lifted a hand as if to figure out the weight of the simian's unspoken request. "...you want me to leave...?"

"Nah." Positioning his arms behind his head as a cushion, DK took to examining the various platform objects in the sky like a cloud-watcher might. "Stay up there where I don't have to see you."

The glove was the last thing DK would see of the menace for a while, and it was wrapped into a fist with the middle finger extended. A silent remark.

DK chuckled at the sight before settling in for his nap.

Once he had rested his eyes enough to not be in such a pissy mood, DK lurched up after discovering a trail of saliva hanging off his chin that was threatening a trembling fire-flower. With a stretch and a back arch and a shake, he looked up to see if there were any signs of Mario still being up there. "Hey, Mushroom Breath! You still up there?" When no response came, DK cracked his knuckles. "Huhuhu...guess you don't mind if I cheeeeck."

And with that, he fired several beams of fire towards the block above him, heating the bottom of it until it glowed red.

"Mmmhm...whatsa smellin' so good? Mama's cookin'..." Mario mumbled, still blissfully napping. That was until the block started cooking him a little. Once he noticed that unfortunate fact, he was still halfway asleep and twisting around to try and find a nice cold spot on his bed of choice. By the time he woke up, released an Italian-tinted yelp and rolled himself off the block, Mario saw the ground just moments before he hit it-...

...well, his hat hit it. Wide eyed, he spun slowly to observe the upside-down world he woke up to. Yeah, it definitely was not like that before he had nodded off.

"Gettin' too much sun up there, dude? You're lookin' cooked." DK grinned, holding Mario by the foot and dangling him over the ground from a catch well-made. "Wanna cool off? I know this place in town. Serves some decent banana beer." Mostly, he just wanted one himself. He also wouldn't have hated it if Mario came along and got into a barfight for him to watch, so...there was that.

"...suuure? Wait a minute, did you just-"

"Alrightlet'sgo!" He didn't give Mario enough time to put two and two together about the plumber's mysterious tumble.

It didn't take long to arrive at the tiki-style shack; DK didn't want the journey through the monster filled jungle to take long, so he opted to sling a still dazed Mario over his back so he could gallop with all his frontal strength. Doing so also made a fun game of trying to knock Mario off and threatening him with a "if you fall off, I'm not coming back to get you!"

"Whatsa this place?" Mario wondered, glad to have his feet back on the ground (well, wooden planks) after that still half-asleep rodeo. The shack had a sign attached to its reeds with the word Mangoes Go Home painted on it. The g was backwards though.

DK wasted no time in barging in past the beads hanging on strings in the doorway, but he emerged a second later with the aquamarine nodules resting on his shoulders and spilling around him, an inquisitive smile on his face. "You comin'?"

They found their way inside the dimly-lit shack. Ocean-colored lights lit the space and gave it an underwater feel. Now this was a place one could "chill".

Mario followed closely behind DK, not sure where they were headed until the Kong chose a seat at the bar on the far end. There was actually already a glass of piss colored foam on the table in front of DK. Must have been a regular...regular and royally treated.

"One more down here!" DK waved to the bartender, a Kong with too many tattoos of eels on his calves. When the glass slid down, Mario reached out with a fumble to stop it from smashing against the wall, but DK's large goalie of a hand made it come to a stop and he nudged it forward with a snort at his company's lack of finesse when it came to grabbing fresh pours.

"Careful now. You're still all out of sorts from all that sun exposure." DK teased, eagerly knocking back the drink in front of him. Banana beer was just that...wheaty and sweet, and the perfect ending to a day spent slouching any responsibilities.

Mario observed the Kong with a hint of distaste and curiosity, he turned his attention to the perspiring glass in his glove. It wasn't...an ugly tint? Well, the lighting around the bar helped out too. Made it seem like he was sipping the bluest of sea water. Foam soaked the plumber's mustache as he sighed. "...ok. I think I need to come here instead of the mushroom juice bar with Toad." Sorry, Toad. No hard feelings.

"Hah! They suckered you into going there? I'd feel sorry for you, but uh..." DK mused while dipping his tongue in and out of his drink, partaking slowly.

"Yeahyeah. You love when I'm suffering. Tell me something I don't already know."

"OK, well...you're a loser, for one thing..."

Twilight shifted to night time as the two mused back and forth, enjoying one cold banana beer after the other.

As the night progressed (as well as the pints), the stiff conversations between them more than 'just relaxed'. Let's just define 'relaxed' as melt into a pile of goo and then mix together in a incoherent manner. There's a word for that. It's "messy".

"Oh MAN." DK sniggered while swaying a little too far from his seat into Mario's, threatening to knock the pint-sized plumber off his perch mid-sip.

"Ah-aha, whatsa mattuh with you?" With a new fresh stain of banana beer on his collar from the sudden slam of his unusual drinking buddy's flank, Mario decided he had enough liquid courage to butt the simian back in his place even though the bar had mostly emptied and it wasn't like he couldn't have just moved over to the empty seat beside him.

"No like...for REAL." There were words to this admission, but DK seemed to love taking his time finding them at the pace of a snail. At "real", he slammed his hand down on the stretch of table between them and almost caused the stain on Mario's collar to become a drenched shirt. "REAL-LY, REAL-LY, REAL talk, bro." Ignoring how the plumber busied himself with positioning his glass away from the table antics, DK leaned in with a brightness to his gaze that beguiled his current intent to make a mess. "You. Piss me off...SO BAD." Without a hint of venom thanks to the flavor of wheat and banana hops, DK's words linger briefly before he leans over to dip his tongue into Mario's drink.

"Hey-hey-hey!" Once the pink appendage penetrated the fresh beer foam, Mario jerked slightly and half-heartedly swatted the behemoth back with his gloves meeting Kong snout. "That'sa MY foam." With a slurred grumble, Mario slides his companion the side-eye around his flushed cheeks. Beer sweats and a tropical climate...what a combination. "If you don'ta cut that out, I'll remember when you'ah thirsty and send you to dip that into the latrine."

"Aww, you're no ffffun." DK laughed, elbowing Mario's shoulder...or at least what he thought was his shoulder because Kong were a lot taller than Mario was. Instead the shoulder struck the plumber's hat and knocked it off somewhere. "Oh man, though...my FACE."

"Yeaha we know. It'sa ugly." There's foam in his mustache after he finishes a swig. The banana beer... it's pretty good like DK said.

"-nooo...Prick." The Kong cackles, finding some humor in the burn despite also wanting to slap Mario off his chair at the same time, DK spins slightly in his and reaches up to press his knuckles against his own cheek. "My face is so HOT. Yes, literally and figuratively."

Mario glanced over to inspect the Kong's cheeks as they circled by. Indeed, they were fairly red. Almost as red as his get-up. "...congratulations?"

"For REAL..." DK stopped suddenly mid-spin to lean in uncomfortably close to the plumber's face and tilt his head to bare his cheek. "Feel."

"Uhm." With a hair of curiosity buried somewhere in his mustache, Mario entertained his company by placing a hand on the soft peach fuzz that made up the lawn of DK's cheek.

"Huhuhu, you're so stupid, dude." Fingers curled around the plumber's wrist, guiding it up to both their gazes. "You're wearing gloves, idiot." Apparently that was the funniest thing since K. Rool got hit by a go kart, because the Kong has to catch his breath between snorts. "Here." Trying again, DK squeezes the wrist he'd seized and leans in again to press the heat of his face against Mario's. Cheek to cheek, he butts his head forward to roll around and singe all sides of his company's face.

"DK--ah!" With the Kong's softer portion of face fussing over his, Mario wondered if the heat being shared with him had gotten a little warmer than when it had arrived.

"Oh yeah, if you think that's hot..." He grinned crookedly, scratching the hair of his eyebrow against Mario's for a moment. "I had the fireflower salad and now I can't feel my mouth." As if to demenstrate the fact, DK rolls his face forward again to maybe singe Mario on the nose with his lips. Instead, they lock with his bar buddy's mouth and smolder for a quiet moment.

Blue eyes widened and Mario reached up to slap a gloved hand onto the side of the Kong's other cheek to try and shove some space between those actually very spicy lips and his. "Bu-..urns!"

That was all DK need to start playing a game of keeping his jalapeno seed flavored lips in the vicinity of Mario's. The fight began.

With a powerful dash and shove, Mario had slammed the Kong back off of their seating and into a nearby wall decorated with banana peels (courtesy of the Kong owned establishment). "Mm-mmh!" He protested, fingers curling into the wrists of his opponent that also grappled him.

In turn, DK shoved back with a lot more momentum, keeping their lips raging together, he slammed Mario up onto the bar, knocking several bottles of jungle flower liquor helter skelter and smashed to pieces on the floor. Feeling the wet hair of Mario's beer drenched mustache, DK lazily licks to claim his share and doesn't mind when his tongue breeches the Italian-laced parting between Mario's lips, sliding along his front teeth once.

At this point the Kong's lips had begun to cool, but it didn't quite stop Mario from slashing at DK's cheeks as he had with his cat claws. Declawed, his batts went unnoticed as DK broke briefly for air and hovered over his rival's face, a small section of spittle nested in the corner of his mouth like the mirror image of one of his exposed canines. "Hah...had enough?"

It was the smug, half-inebriated taunt that convinced Mario it was much better to deny DK the satisfaction of defeating him in some way. Though defeat might have been a wiser option, given the random assortment of ethanol seeping into his shirt and DK still rocking the cherry-mahogany coat of a fire Kong. "-aha...you callin' that a'spicy?" Maybe the drinks Mario had already partaken in were a balm against insufferability, because he settled in the vapors rising around him in favor of grabbing hold of the red tie dangling above him. Spilled liquor perfumed the humid air with hints of coconut flower and deep grove vine nectar. Heady, Mario yanked the big lug's head closer and patronizingly patted his cheek. "...like a bell pepper." And as if to prove his assessment of the heat spectrum, he presented the Kong's mouth with a petty peck.

The glint of 'oh yea?' was still distinguishable in DK's half glassy gaze, but he was sure that point came across wordlessly anyway when he stubbornly rocked back into the princess-peck with the power and the gaul of an ocean wave eager to dunk a show-off in front of his girl.

Bell pepper, huh? Clearly hadn't given him the full taste of fire Kong. When he felt his tie tug him further forward, DK found little elsewhere to go. Even shoving one of Mario's legs hanging off the bar so that he could settle in with his midriff against the counter-top didn't seem like the distance demanded by the tightening noose. When he thought he might have found more room, his tongue grazed teeth again. So, he did what only a smash monkey could do and with a great hand twisted into the front of his company's shirt, quickly lifted Mario about maybe an inch or two off the table before slamming him back down.

"Pah!?" The protest is met the same thievous tongue that had stolen Mario's beer foam.

Sure that he would impart some real heat to Mario's poor tastebuds, DK enjoyed torturing the warm pocket. His larger canines clacked against Mario's with each roll of his head. A swarm of jungle hornets buzzed around in his chest and grew more and more agitated when Mario found some hair on his head to curl his fingers around and show off a grip strength that could end in a bald spot with any sudden moves.

A sound from within the pinned plumber vibrates along and passes into DK's lips. It's the soft vibration that convinced DK the spice on his lips had finally worn off, and with that realization, he retracted his tongue, but not after answering the unintelligible sound with one of his own to the back of Mario's throat.

A few deep breaths seemed to bring the Kong back to a slightly sobering setting. "I-...uh." Now faced with a newly reddened one that might need another cooling off battle, DK only stumbled back when Mario reached out to lay his glove flat against the simian's pulse. "J-just..." Noting the ravaged scene of broken bottles and overturned chairs, DK glanced over his shoulder to make sure no one was actually around before he galloped for the door. "Tell them it's on my tab! All the fucked up shit too!"

Sitting up slowly, Mario watched as DK clambered out into the night, his lips pulsing with the spice of whatever spicy ass food the Kong had used as lip balm. "Mama mia."

[starryem0461]

It’s been some time since I properly posted here, but to celebrate the anniversary of a crack in time, my rewrite Clock Blockers has officially updated! Chapters 9 and 10 are live! ⚡️🎧🔧⏱️⚡️

Chapter 9 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58811503/chapters/153384277