#💔 ˚₊ · 𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖌 𝖚𝖕𝖉𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖘 ✗ when we forget the infection‚ will we remember the lesson? ❞

[vandalizedheart]

💔 ˚ . ⋆  𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖓𝖙  ↪  FUN IS ∞

so hold me to the grave that's where you carved my name i hope you find what you're fighting for i am happier when i hurt you

In the few times she's tried it, Nikki never found meditation to be helpful.

One of her previous therapists had suggested it once, 'mindful meditation', she had called it. You were suppose to find a quiet place to sit, breathe calmly, and think about how you're feeling. If there was any further instruction involved, she either wasn't provided with it, or didn't remember.

It was times like now, that she tried giving it another shot, where she had nothing to do except wait for the next Dimensional Ring to appear so she could head back home.

So, how was she feeling lately?

The urge to relapse had clung to her mind like a tick.

When they first figured out how to travel further than the mazes and half-pipes, Theia and Maiko had given her a warning:

'Wherever you go, don't try to be the hero. These people don't know you, they don't see you. Their problems are not for you to solve.'

They were right. Nobody sees her, not really, not fully.

They hate her for situations she was never involved in, they love her for actions she never performed. They didn't see her, what they saw was someone else entirely.

What had she even been doing this whole time? What did she hope to gain? Nikki didn't even know herself. It seemed as though the further she traveled, the more parts of herself she lost.

And yet, she couldn't get herself to stop.

The universe is beautiful, when you aren't at the center of it all.

A sudden glow of light prompted her to open her eyes, ending the dangerous train of thought. Finally, the Ring had spawned.

Except, instead of the warm, golden glow that the Dimensional Rings typically emit, all she saw was...

Red.

❝ H-Huh...? ❞  She muttered, standing to her feet and approaching for a closer look.

Normally, when you looked through the hole of a Dimensional Ring, a reflection of the dimension it'll take you to is displayed. A gentle spin of the ring, and the reflection would change to another dimension.

All the Red Ring had displayed was nothing more than a dark void, and spinning the ring did nothing to get rid of it.

Nikki brought her face closer to the ring's opening, her eyes staring into the void for minutes, searching for any signs of... anything.

That had been a mistake.

!!!!!

With a swiftness on par with her own superspeed, an inky, clawed hand reached through the void, and gripped her by the collar of her shirt.

Nikki didn't know what worried her more in this moment.

The fact that this being had been quick enough to grab her, the blue scars that littered the being's forearm...

Or the fact that, around the wrist of her attacker, was her very own, spiked bracelet.

❝ N-No. NoNoNONONONO— ❞

The sound of her bloodcurdling scream was cut off the moment she was pulled into the void.

And for some time, silence had taken it's place.

Until...

❝ やった!!! ❞

With a cheerful cry, the hedgehog burst through the Ring with an ever iconic spindash.

Upon unfurling, Nikki Mazuki had struck a pose, with a cheeky smile...

Wait... No.

Something was wrong here... Where was Nikki?

❝ Lordy— It's been WAYYY too long since I've explored these corners of the universe! Hope I can have some fun while I'm away from the village for a while~. ❞

❝ Lots and lots of F U N ... ❞

[vandalizedheart]

💔 ˚ . ⋆  𝖉𝖗𝖆𝖇𝖇𝖑𝖊  ↪  eternal blue.

and what's left of me, a cavity at least this space is mine it's where you left me to die i wish my blood would slow down

a conclusion to the fun is ∞ event. content warning: graphic descriptions of a suicide attempt.

Bright. The room Nikki was in was bright.

The white walls, fluorescent lights, and drawn apart curtains did nothing to combat the assault of light in her eyes. Not unlike the surgical lights she had been under previously.

… How long had she been here?

She was in a hospital room, she could tell that much from the white walls and the bed she was lying in.

But what had happened back there? After that variant of herself— Maz, pulled her into the void?

… She couldn’t remember, all she remembered were the surgical lights. They hadn’t been white, like the lights here, instead they were a bright, blinding blue.

Getting out of bed seemed like a terrible idea. Her body was covered in bandages, and felt like it was made of lead. And ripping out the IV tube that was dripping blood and fluids into her arm sounded like an even worse idea. 

Luckily, she didn’t have to wait for long. The clicking of heels down the hallway had grown closer and closer to the door, until a mobian doctor carrying a clipboard had entered her room. He didn’t dress like the typical doctor, wearing a dark burgundy lab coat with black gloves to match his high-heeled black boots. Goth doctor, who knew?

❝ Ms. Nishimura? It’s good to finally see you awake. Are you feeling alright? ❞

Nikki only nodded in response. It wasn’t the truth, she felt like shit. But at the moment, she couldn’t get herself to speak.

❝ My name is Doctor Starline. You’ve been under my care for the past six days, following your suicide attempt. ❞

What...?

Her whole body jolted, and the heart monitor’s beeping increased as her heart rate rose in shock. Nikki stared wide eyed at Starline. What did he mean?

❝ … You don’t remember? ❞

Frantically, she shook her head no.

❝ That’s fairly normal, you went through a lot of trauma both physically and mentally. I can recount what I was told about your situation, if you believe that would help you. ❞

She was hesitant, but inevitably nodded yes. She needed to know what happened, because it already didn’t sound right.

❝ Six days ago, you were rushed here in critical condition. Apparently, you came home that night in a suicidal state, and overdosed on your medication. Around two thousand milligrams of bupropion and quetiapine were found in your system. ❞

Every word out of his mouth sounded fake, like he was telling some fucked up story about another patient in the next room over.

❝ Shortly after, you ran a bath and proceeded to cut your wrists. The blood loss was severe enough for you to require a blood transfusion— ❞

That wasn’t what happened, none of that happened. She didn’t go home that night. She was trying to go home that night, before Maz pulled her through the ring. And then…

… She woke up here, in this hospital bed.

❝ — You managed to call 911, and explained to the dispatcher what happened. Paramedics arrived and brought you here—  ❞

Starline’s words bled together.

❝ — Shortly after arriving, you had a seizure, and your heart had stopped for several minutes. It was a miracle we were able to resuscitate you. Until now, you’ve been asleep while we monitored your status. ❞

And suddenly, she wasn’t so sure of herself anymore.

Because when she thought about it further, she could almost remember the sound of her empty pill bottles clattering against the sink. And the warmth of the bath water as the blood in her veins spilled out. And reaching for her phone at the edge of the tub, words slurring as she spoke to the dispatcher.

Maybe the surgical lights weren’t blue, maybe they had been white all along.

❝ … Ms. Nishimura? ❞

The urge to relapse had clung to her mind like a tick, she recalls.

❝ Ms. Nishimura. ❞

Nikki’s gaze returns to Starline, the sternness in his voice freeing her from her dangerous train of thought.

❝ My apologies for raising my voice, you looked like you were spacing out. ❞

‘It’s fine’, she thinks, but doesn’t speak aloud. Starline takes a moment to jot something down on his clipboard before continuing.

❝ Alright, I’m going to call in a nurse, and we’ll be running a few tests. They shouldn’t take long, we just need to check your vitals and blood count. We’re also going to call your wife and your little sister to tell them you’re awake now, I’m sure they’d like to come see you. ❞

A smile formed on Nikki’s face. A massive weight was taken off her shoulders at the thought of Theia and Maiko being with her, she’d feel safe as long as they were around.

Upon seeing her smile, Dr. Starline responded with a smile of his own, his face softening from the previous harsh-to-concerned expression. Maybe she didn’t have to worry so much about being under his care.

❝ Those two have been visiting you every day since you came here, they left you some things for when you woke up. Your little sister— Maiko, I believe her name was. She insisted on leaving that tablet by your bedside. ❞

Sure enough, when Nikki looked over at her bedside table, her tablet had been placed there, pen and everything included. Maiko must have assumed she wouldn’t be up for talking for a while. It was when her gaze wandered further that she felt her stomach drop.

Right beside her tablet was a black vase, filled with otherworldly, blue roses. A small card was stuck in between the flowers.

Dr. Starline was halfway out the door, before noticing her confusion.

❝ Oh! I believe your… Older? Twin? Sister, brought those in for you. I never managed to get her name, but she looked a lot like you. Perhaps she’ll come to visit again… ❞

Shrugging, Dr. Starline gently shut the door, and walked down the hall. Shakily, Nikki had reached over to grab the card from the flowers, feeling herself grow clammy as she pried open the card and read its contents…

「 THNX FOR ALL THE FUN, BESTIE!! I’LL SEE YOU AGAIN NEXT TIME. — MAZUKI ♡P.S. YOU MIGHT NEED A BLOOD TRANSFUSION WHEN YOU GET BACK HOME, SORRY ABOUT THAT. :( 」

Over and over, her eyes scanned over the words on the card, burning them into her mind. It was only when the tears from her eyes dripped down onto the paper and caused the purple ink to bleed, that she finally crumpled it up in her hand.

Nikki sunk back into the hospital bed, and quietly sobbed.

She wished her father was here.