#🎶 stay stay stay. I’ve been loving you for quite some time time time 🎶

[womaninwinter]

Fanfic Writer Emoji Ask

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?

💖 What made you start writing?

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?

(whoops I forgot about this for a hot second) thank you friend!!

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?

hm, there are soooo many fics from old fandoms that I am mortified that I wrote. Fortunately, they are all deleted. For L&Co, I am pretty proud of most of it, although I now see that some of my earlier fics are not as good as I thought they were at the time. And I'm not sure that I would reeeeally choose to write Cutting Room Floor again. But it had quite a big impact, so from that perspective, I'm glad I did.

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

I love the moment between Lockwood and Quill in the last chapter of Gutted:

“What are you doing here?” His voice came out in its usual hospital rasp. Kipps put the heels of his stupid pointy boots on the edge of Lockwood’s bed. “You know how they say that there are things you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy?” Lockwood blinked at him. “I’ve heard of the concept.” “Well.” Kipps gestured at him with what appeared to be a disposable coffee cup. “Here we are.” Doped up as he was, it took Lockwood a second to parse this. Then he raised an eyebrow. “I’m your worst enemy?” “Don’t get a swelled head about it.” “I’m sixteen, Kipps. You’re nearly thirty. That’s kind of sad.” “I am not nearly —” Kipps broke off, apparently realising he was being baited. “That smack on the head didn’t make you any funnier.”

Just... really proud of this one.

🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

Wildest ride for the reader or the writer?? For the reader, probably the Intruder, lol. That one starts crazy and stays crazy. For me as a writer, probably one I haven't actually published, because I started it and deleted it so many times. That was when I was having myself a lil freakout about fandom in general last summer. I am over that now, obvs.

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

babe, you know the answer to this one, hahahaha. It's Sleep Token. Eveeeerything is Sleep Token right now. Particularly Jaws/Blood Sport. I also listened to this a lot while writing the St Anthony fic.

🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?

literally any time, I just want some freaking time to WRITE ugh!!! I generally manage to carve out half an hour in the evening, right before bed.

💖 What made you start writing?

turned 30 and almost immediately had a crisis, complete with brand new hyperfixation and 100k+ of fic.

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?

Sometimes, when you write something well, you just know you've done good work and that's a kind of personal satisfaction no amount of gushing comments can give you. That said, I do also crave comments because I am a normal human being and I love attention.

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

Descriptions of food. Scripture quotes (okay, that one's on purpose). Advice my dad has given me. Characters struggling with self-loathing (I am FINE, fic is just cheaper than therapy and much more fun tbh)

🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?

Action is definitely hard to do and I will tend to keep action scenes as short as humanly possible.

[storytimewithnova]

WAY BACK IN TO LOVE (Philophobia story)

this is story of Philophobia a fear of love a fear of loving again a fear of getting hurt over and over again this story is about Two people that have tried loved so many times and have been failed by love again and again but what will they do when they have fallen in love with each other what will they do to accept each will they opentheir hearts to each other will they start believing in love again will they ever give love a chance again and will they find away back in to love

This is a story of love or rather a fear of love and the fear of getting hurt and closing their hearts to love for good or so they think how would someone discribe Love some people would say you are one of the lucky ones to find it and maintain it some like our two would say love it's a wonderful thing when it is found but it can also be cruel and very very Unforgiving let's start by introducing you to our Casualties of Love

meet Miya Shona a Bubbly Bright and Loving girl she is 18 years old Female/Non-Binary her Pronouns are She/They/them/Sun She is a second year of Karasuno she has Siblings she is a triplet to the miya twins then there is her big sis Satori  (Tori for short) she is Currently in a relationship with Yamaguchi for her sins she is a Casualty of love She is abused and always being cheated on but stays with Yamaguchi out of fear And because Yamaguchi has convinced her that she can’t do any better

Meet our second Casualtiy of Love Akaashi Keiji Calm Composed and Quite thinks and observes morethank he does talk he is 19 years old he is Bi/femboy  pronouns He/they/them/it  he is Currently with osamu A has an older sister (studing over seas) an older brother studing and playing Basketball in another school and his twin is in Seijoh he is a  Casualty of love why Osamu brother to shona has feelings for suna and goes to him forgetting he has a boyfriend already and hooks up with someone else and shona wants to kill her own brother for that

They both had relationships they thought could never be broken little did they know how wrong they were now they are afraid to love again even if they have feelings for each other their hearts are closed off both the boys broke up with their exes on the same day and that was the day before the Training camp Andthey have been with each other helping each other maybe even if they have secretly developing feelings for each other and they really want to tell each other but they are scared

Time skip the day of training camp before everyone goes their separate ways again Shona didn't show up to the gym Nether did Akaashi so fukurodani went looking for Akaashi Shona s,iblings went looking for show they went to roof where they know she likes to hang out that is where they heard singing and saw shona writing and akaashi next to her the twins made a group call and muted everyone

Sho:🎶I’ve been living with a shadow overhead I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed I’ve been lonely for so long Trapped in the past, I just can’t seem to move on🎶

Akaashi looked at her and opened his are she moved into him as the continued and she nudged him to add to it Keiji got the hint and started

Keiji:🎶I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away Just in case I ever need them again someday I’ve been setting aside time To clear a little space in the corners of my mind🎶

Sho smiled a bright smile and they looked at each other yeah they are broken and scared of falling in love again but maybe just maybe they might give it a chance they began to sing again

Akamiya:🎶All I want to do is find a way back into love I can’t make it through without a way back into love Oh oh oh🎶

Atsumu's thoughts💭 back into love what happened Imōto what are you hiding i will say you and akaashi harmonise well

Akaashi: what else have you got blossom

Sho:🎶I’ve been watching but the stars refuse to shine I’ve been searching but I just don’t see the signs I know that it’s out there There’s got to be something for my soul somewhere🎶

Akaashi: Nice 🎶I’ve been looking for someone to shed some light Not somebody just to get me through the night I could use some direction And I’m open to your suggestions🎶

As Akaashi said that line he hugged shona from behind abd nuzzled the top of her head making her giggle

Akamiya:🎶All I want to do is find a way back into love I can’t make it through without a way back into love And if I open my heart again I guess I’m hoping you’ll be there for me in the end Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh🎶

Tori's thoughts 💭 open your heart 😲 Imōto did you and Akaashi give up on love

They both looked at the note book and saw what they were creating sho thought of the next lyric and turn in Akaashi lap and sang

Sho: 🎶There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real Or if anybody feels the way I feel I need inspiration Not just another negotiation🎶

Akaashi: Oooh I like that Blossom what next

Akamiya:🎶All I want to do is find a way back into love I can’t make it through without a way back into love And if I open my heart to you I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do And if you help me to start again You know that I’ll be there for you in the end Oh, oh, oh🎶

Akaashi: even Two Casualties of love can believe in love again even after they think love is dead and they have closed their hearts for good

Sho: I guess they Can this song our song helped us find our way back into love and i am so proud we created this together because maybe just maybe we can help more people what do you think Ji

Akaashi: you are Right Blossom we can i am so proud of you i am proud of us I love you

Sho looked at him superised that he was able to say those 3 little words before saying Sho:I love you too Keiji oh ans brothers i know you're here

The twins froze

Sho: don't worry we were aware the whole time and hope you liked out little i guess you can call it a masterpiece

Osamu: hey Keiji I am sorry I was the best for you I'm sorry I made you feel the way I did I knew what I was doing just didn't realise i was hurting you I hope you can forgive me someday you too Imōto

Akamiya: we already have osamu/Nii chan

Shona: please look after suna we don't want him a Casualty of love like us

Osamu: Hai may I ask sis what happened to you

Sho: Yamaguchi happened he was abusive and always cheating on me and i had had enough that i closed my heart

Tori:Philophobia fear of falling in love

Atsumu:Nee san??

The twins and Sho looked worriedly at their older sister but she just smiled and walked away Sho hoped her sister heard the song and it helped her as much as it did with her abd Akaashi they went back to the gym to start the practice matches and the taining camp but sho made sure to keep an eye on her big sister As for Akaashi he was by Shona's side the whole camp making sure Yamaguchi didn't start something he couldn't finish at least not with out a fight a fight Akaashi was willing to give

END

[vizthedatum]

Pray for my mom even though she is at the root of many of my problems

CW: abuse, medical stuff, justified infidelity in the name of love, a lot of intense language which will leave you wondering if I’m losing it or not (but hey! I’m not lol)

Tldr: My mom is having emergency surgery tomorrow in Minneapolis, and I’m currently waiting for my flight so I can speak to her in person before visiting hours end tonight, because no healthcare professional at the moment knows when she’s going into surgery tomorrow and I don’t want to risk not seeing her.

—

This morning, I woke up and was kinda happy because I’ve been feeling better and better every single day. It’s been an exhausting life. I am so tired, but my brain is coming back - I am coming back online more and more and more. I remember. I listened to a song on repeat non-stop for hours (I’m autistic, hi): “Saw You In A Dream” by The Japanese House 🎶And when I'm awake I can't switch off

It isn't the same but it is enough🎶 How telling.

I work at some art houses on the weekends as a docent. My ex-metamour got me the job, and I absolutely love it. The people there are great, and while it is tiring work (talking, moving around, going up stairs), it is rewarding for me. My shift today was supposed to be 11-5pm and tonight, we were gonna meet a new artist and we were going to figure out how we could volunteer our time to help him with his new installation!! So I was gonna stay there until around 9pm.

Since there was leeway in the schedule, I requested to come in at noon instead… and then later in the morning, my ex-meta was like “we’re covered until 3pm” or something and I was so excited because I really needed the time to prep for interviews, do self-care, write Valentine’s cards to my friends, maybe do my nails, maybe write a million things (I have books in my head).

I told River, and we were going to do a quick hug before work but since I had extra time, they came over to cowork and spend time. Their offerings were a worn dress (their smell comforts me) and 2 pieces of really pretty cardboard paper - it was perfect.

We got distracted and while we were doing things - it’s so hard to not keep talking to River :)

While we were being autistically gay and cute together, talking about all sorts of things (heavy, light, and anything)… my brother messaged me and I noticed my mom had called me.

I have boundaries with my parents. I cut off our relationship last April. The only times I talk to them is if it concerns my brother. My parents were physically and emotionally abusive. They fucked me up.

My mom is likely having emergency heart surgery tomorrow. I spoke to the nurse. Visiting hours end at 8pm CST. I screamed with my father, with my brother moderating. We got a flight booked for me to get there at 5:48pm. Flight departs at 2pm.

I got to the airport at 1:30pm - they wouldn’t let me on the flight and booked me for a flight that departs at 3:04pm and I land in MSP at 7/7:15pm CST. 

Fuck.

On my way to the airport, I called my mom’s soulmate. It’s not my father. I rarely call him but he picked up the call right away. He lives in India. I told him and told him that he was to set an alarm for when I land so that he can talk to my mother when I get to the hospital. It’s so ironic because right before I found out about my mom today, I told River about him.

My mom and her soulmate have not talked in years. I think the last time was when I sneaked in a three-way videocall when he and I met up in India in 2016. Every year on her birthday, he texts me: “Happy birthday Madhumita” Why can’t they talk? Because my father is a controlling asshole who monitors every phone call, every internet interaction, every movement. He doesn’t treat her as a person. 

Look, I do not care if they are married and you think it’s wrong. She and him did not intend for this to happen so many years ago… and quite honestly, my parents have such a dysfunctional relationship. So fuck all of you. Including family. I do not care. If you can’t handle the truth of the human condition and experience, then fucking leave. If you cannot accept that I’m trans/queer/poly, leave. If you can’t handle that I can have a full range of emotions and still be a functional person and that I choose to be kind/soft (when I want to be)… and then still call me naive? Leave.

And also, if you don’t get how badly she abused me (example: when I was 6, she tied me up super tight with a lot of rope, left me in the bathroom, and told me that she and my father were going to leave me there to die - I was alone for hours) and why I’m going to see her to speak to her before she has emergency heart surgery, then you can fucking leave too.

—

So anyway, here I am, at the airport… with my boots not zipped up, contemplating whether to take my klonopin (but I don’t want to lose my intensity and alertness), not giving a fuck, on my way to see my mom… who I will always love even if she abused me. I can have boundaries with her and not speak to her for my own self-preservation�� but I can go see her before she has surgery all the same.

Happy Valentine’s Day - pray for my mom’s heart. Thank you.

[bluesnow261]

Still having thoughts about You and I… WOOPS THIS TURNED INTO A FULL DRABBLE

They’re video calling after a long week of work maybe… they talk about their week and Mono makes sure she ate and took care of herself. And OUT OF NOWHERE Six goes “…someone tried to ask me out today”

Mono almost chokes hearing that and he’s like “s-so how did you respond”

Six goes “well. I said that I already have someone.”

Mono still remains silent, listening (internally he’s like. SHE SAID “SOMEONE.” SO ITS NOT ME????? ALL THIS TIME IVE BEEN TAKING THINGS THE WRONG WAY—) and she could hear him overthink and continues. “Someone who has always been by my side. Who would wait for me, drive hours for me… who I trust with my every fault and scars. Even I when didn’t care enough about myself, he always did. I don’t deserve him, but he… stayed. Despite the horrible things I’ve done to him… he stayed.”

Mono is completely stunned, gazing at her expression on his screen. He’s used to seeing her natural beauty, bed head mornings, and seething silence when she’s upset about something. But he wasn’t prepared for this rare, soft look she’s giving him. He swore rays of sunlight touched his heart, in this moment.

“…Mono?” She finally broke the quiet between them.

He blinked, snapping out of his stupor. Mono didn’t know how to react, so he tried to be lighthearted. “Well… whoever he is, he’s really lucky.”

“You think so?”

“Mhm.”

Six played along. “What about you? You must be swamped with DMs.”

“Oh, yes. Yes, tons.” (There wasn’t any.) “But one lady caught my eye in particular…”

“Oh?”

“We go way back.”

“Tell me more.” Six moved to lay on her side, cozy in her blankets.

“Ever since she showed up at my elementary school, she’s the only one I wanted to be around. She hardly noticed, but I would wait for her. At the playground, at her dorm’s parking lots, and halfway across the country. I think she’s starting to get the hint though...” Mono grinned like he was thinking of an inside joke, and lowered his voice. “You see… she can be a little dense sometimes.”

It was Six’s turn to be silent, hiding a shy smile behind her blanket. They shared a knowing glance before Mono resumed eating dinner at his kitchen counter. A few quick heartbeats passed before Six replied.

“…She better come to her senses soon, then. You’re in high demand.”

That earned a chuckle from him. “Exactly. I just hope she didn’t meet someone who’s more interesting and made her realize I’m far, far away from her now…”

“She won’t.” Six was fast to deny the thought. “She won’t find another idiot like you. Everytime she looks at someone, she wishes they were you—close and real and true.”

Eight hours be damned, he’d give anything to join her right now. Hold her, and never let go. “That’s… I never thought about it like that.”

Six wanted him here; replaying their touches before she moved wasn’t enough… She kept up the act. “Consider yourself enlightened. In fact… you should call her. Right now. She probably wants to hear from you.”

“Good idea!” After depositing his empty bowl into the sink, Mono perched the phone on his open laptop and sat down on a couch. “But… she’s probably sleepy so I’ll call her tomorrow. Plus I have to finish this presentation for my meeting tomorrow…”

“It’s been taking you an awful long time.” Her eyelids grew heavy.

“Yeah, the tedious details are making this harder than it needs to be.” Mono rubbed his temple and gave Six another soft gaze. “It’s late for you. Sleep well so you don’t almost faint at work… again.”

“Fine.”

“And don’t skip lunch this time.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Six lazily rolled her eyes. “You should try not to lose too much sleep.”

“I’ll try.” He nods, holding the phone closer. As much as he wanted to keep the call, he can’t have any distractions—especially in the form of the love of his life drifting to a comfortable sleep. He might just join her on his side of the screen. “Good night, Six.”

“Good night…” Six murmurs back.

They both pause, waiting to see who ends the call first. When suddenly…

“Mono… I love you.”

Her words took a different tone than before, but not because she was slowly giving to sleep. Her eyebrows furrowed saying them and she sounded as if she was on the verge of tears, trying to persuade him of the genuine feelings behind the phrase. It echoed in Mono’s mind and pulled at his heart.

“I love you so much too.” He said softly. “I miss you.”

Six nodded, closing and opening her eyes slowly. He didn’t need to hear it to know that she missed him back with the same longing.

“Sweet dreams, Six.”

With that, the call ended. Seconds later, he gets a text from her.

‘She better hear a good morning from you’

He smiled, replying.

‘I wouldn’t dare break a promise with her’

Mono stretched, preparing for the long night ahead of him as he went to work on his laptop. But his mind would keep wandering to her words, all of them, all the while.

[a-heart-thats-healing]

🎶"In the end, we’ll always have the past."🎶

I’ve been single now for quite some time now. I don’t know if I find this single-ness is making me reevaluate myself; almost like a rebranding of who I am, but staying loyal to who I’ve always been. My twenties were a decade of growth and challenge. I had a fiery spirit that never took no as an answer to a problem. Even though I’ve failed in many relationships throughout growing up, I’ve always continued to believe that Love was out there. I still believe Love is out there. I spent half of my twenties with Valerie which just goes to show you that there had to be an impact on me. Although she’s out of my life, I’ve been finding ways to positively affect myself and my environment. I’m finding myself without anyone to shape me BUT me. I’ve been fairly productive and I feel like I’m ready to try again. I’m slowly talking with a few girls, playing the long game. I may be slow, but that’s because these matters require precision. Flirting is an art form that demands a smidgen of poetic technique.

Anyway, I don’t quite know what else to say. I’m content being single and I’m going to try branching out to start dating again.

[vkelleyart]

June 16, 2022-

🎶 REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOOOD… 🎶

I genuinely never thought I’d write this update. I was almost positive Ilker and I would never meet at that Starbucks again—that the universe had swept this one beautiful encounter into my life only to send a pandemic to sweep it back out again—but to my utter shock and astonishment this morning, I got a text message at 7:45 AM:

“In USA now. Same Starbucks. Same chair now.”

And y’all, I got my shit together. Tossed my sketchbooks into my canvas bag, herded the kids into the car to bring them to school, then jetted over to that Starbucks with burning eyes and a lump in my throat. As soon as I saw him, he recognized me instantly (even with my mask on) and gave me an enormous heart-exploding hug. “Venessa! Is so wonderful to see you!” he said at the same time as I said, “Ilker, my friend! I can’t believe it!”, and he put his arm around my shoulder and quickly led me to the counter so he could order me my usual cup of tea.

We only had a little more than a half an hour to chat before he had to go to work—a new architecture project here in DC—during which he told me all the things he’s been up to these last couple of years: the sketching classes he taught in Belarus, the Russian exhibition of his artwork (which included a printed translation of THIS VERY TUMBLR POST), his battle against, not one, but two bouts of COVID, and ultimately, the evacuation of his family after Russia’s attack on Ukraine. And as is his way, he spoke of every challenge he and his family have faced together with gratitude for his health, his resilience, and for the small blessings that enabled him to make his way back to the States. I told him how much I appreciated his attitude toward life’s ups and downs because I’ve been learning to count my blessings as well, in large part because he told me to—via text when I was struggling to stay psychologically afloat in the thick of pandemic parenting: “You have health. You have family You have home and food. All will be well my good friend.”

He then brought up my art. And guess what? I SHOWED HIM MY SKETCH BOOK.

It wasn’t as full as I’d hoped it would be by the time I saw him again, and I sheepishly shared how hard it was to maintain a good sketching practice during quarantine when it seemed I was working nonstop thanks to the day job, proctoring Zoom school for the small man, homeschooling the smaller man, and freelance work. But I had done my best, managing to fill up at least 2/3 of it in addition to the finished work I posted to social media.

Now, we’ve followed each other on Instagram and Facebook since that second meeting two years ago, and while we DM’d on a regular basis and he left the occasional comment on my work, I was never quite sure how much of my finished work he’d seen (or even had time to see given he was still working and teaching abroad). But as he flipped through my book (nearly every sketch rendered in ink) he said, “Is very good! I watch you art change! You grow so much! I am so proud!”

When I tell you I could have burst into a rainbow confetti of heart-eye emojis.

Speaking of rainbows: very gently did he ask about the subject matter of my work, which folks who follow my social media accounts know as being mostly representative of LGBTQ+/BIPOC relationships. With trepidation, I told him that I, myself, was a queer BIPOC artist, and that drawing these relationships was a way to validate and love myself, to validate the diverse love of other marginalized groups, and hopefully paint a world into being where such individuals feel seen, comforted, represented, and protected. He nodded along as I explained this, and ultimately put me at ease when he said, “I am man who love woman. But I do not judge on who is gay, who is not gay. Everyone is welcome. As artist, I care about the lines!”

We returned to talking about family and work after that. I got to spill some secrets about projects I’ve been working on, and he told me he’s still playing basketball. He said he’s 67 but never wants to retire. He told me his daughters are now scattered and nearly made me cry when he said, “I have daughter in Istanbul, I have daughter in New York, and now”—he pointed to me—“I have daughter in DC.” When it was time for him to get back to his office, he asked me to see if I could find a local sketching club where we can sign up for figure drawing sessions, and we scheduled a date on the calendar for us to meet back at the Starbucks to draw.

And I suppose there’s no better way to conclude this little Tumblr saga than by saying there’s no true conclusion. It’s like this little miracle showed up in my life at exactly the time I most needed to practice trusting in my ability to grow and adapt, to stay soft during adversity, hold space for new relationships, and above all, embrace where I am in my creative journey. I’m so grateful to have made this connection and to share the wisdom it’s given me with all of you.

Don’t forget: The world needs to see you in the lines.

Story Time: Get a load of what happened to me at Starbucks today.

There’s a running joke among people who know me personally that I unwittingly go out in public with a sign on my forehead stating “I Am Non-Threatening. Come Talk To Me.” Because if there’s a chance a bizarre conversation with a total stranger is going to happen, I’m typically the person it happens to.

Some context: I have been pretty darn sick this week. (It’s not Coronavirus, don’t worry.) Since the work in my queue for my day job is comprised entirely of audio narration right now, and I currently sound like a waterlogged Demi Moore, I haven’t been able to work these last couple of days. As a result, I’ve been using my down time to knock out as much of Manu’s redesign as possible. Today, to ensure I didn’t spend the day languishing in sinus misery, I medicated the crap out of myself and took Manu to the Starbucks down the block from my son’s day care.

I hit the bathroom, then picked an empty table, but as soon as I sat down with my venti Comfort Tea and started tweaking the inks on my iPad, I felt the eyes of the man next to me looking over my shoulder.

When I looked up, he had his phone out. “I’m sorry,” he said (in a thick accent I couldn’t place geographically), “I don’t want to disturb. I notice you art. You are artist!”

I tried to smile. “Yes, I’m... Well, I’m trying to be,” I croaked.

He leaned in, like he was sharing a secret.

“I am artist, too.”

He stuck out his hand.

I gently took it, grateful for the bathroom trip I just took in which I washed the scourge off of my fingers.

“Can I?” he asked, holding his phone up.

“Take a picture? Uh... sure,” I said. It’s not like he would be able to steal Manu out from under me or anything, I figured. The panel I was tweaking was magnified out to Guam.

“I am artist. Architect and Designer,” he clarified while he steadied his phone over my iPad. “I am Ilker. What is your name?”

“I’m Venessa” I said, trying to be polite. This, I thought warily, is precisely how I get myself into trouble. I’m too damn nice.

“You know, I come to America twenty years ago from Turkey...”

I put down my stylus. This was going to be a while.

“I like Turkey,” he explained. “I like the country and I like the people. But I am artist. I am not... religious man.”

I nodded.

“I told my wife I was going to go to America and she said, “what are you going to do? You don’t have job! You don’t have money! No Visa!” And I said, “I am artist and architect. I will paint and sell my paintings.

“So I come to America alone. To New York City. I sit outside, and I paint. And people, they liked my paintings. They bought them. This one for $30, that one for $50.

“One day, a man comes over to me and he say, “I like your painting. I see you are also architect.” And he gives me his number and asks me to go to meeting at his office. Because he wants to offer me a job. He starts to talk about a building contract.

“I tell him I don’t know anything about contracts. I have no Visa. I am not American citizen. But he says, “That’s okay. I will take care of everything. You will have nothing to worry about.” And this man, he gave me a job. $173,000 a year. And my wife, he gave her a job too. She was project assistant. I bring her and my two daughters over from Turkey.”

“Wow,” I said, not fully believing the veracity of what sounded like a full-on immigration fairy tale.

“Here,” said Ilker, unlocking his phone and opening up his Facebook app. “I show you my work.” He paused and looked up at me. “I am interrupting. You don’t mind?”

At this point, I was invested. I had to see. Because whatever he was about to show me would either prove or disprove this yarn he was spinning. “Please,” I said, gesturing for him to go ahead.

He opened his photos and my jaw dropped. His work... was UNREAL.

“This is building I designed on Madison Ave.... And this one in Chelsea...”

Holy crap. I had just been to Chelsea with my sister last month on a trip to see a broadway show. I had crossed the intersection of the building he was, at this moment, telling me he designed.

He flipped through more buildings. These, he’d designed in Washington, DC. In Bethesda. In Arlington. All beautiful, streamlined, modern structures I had visited and parked my car in front of. He told me he did much of his concept work freehand. That he worked exclusively in natural media. His preferred media was pen, ink, watercolors, and chalks.

Between photos of his wife and daughters, he went on to show me photos from the RUSSIAN EXHIBITION OF HIS ARCHITECTURE ARTWORK.

Y’all, I was stunned. I couldn’t believe the talent I was sitting next to. Scattered among these gloriously rendered images of some of the most beautiful building concepts I’d ever seen were paintings of scenes in Central Park, the National Mall, and nudes from a life-drawing session he attends from time to time.

When he was done flipping through his phone, he looked at me and smiled. “I hope you don’t mind that I interrupt you. I show you all this because what you are doing is very good. And you should be encouraged. To draw is to make beauty.”

I nodded, a lump in my throat. “Thank you,” I managed. “Your work is astonishing. I don’t even know what to say. What is your name again?”

He held out his hand once more. “Ilker Kocahan,” he said. “I am getting more coffee. Can I get you one?”

I looked at my still-full venti cup. “No thank you. But here, please take my card.”

He held my dinky business card like I’d handed him a treasure and thanked me.

Then Ilker got his coffee, and left the coffee shop.

At some point in his ramblings he talked about America as a place of dreams. How he credits this country with helping him rise to the top of his field where he is now able to sell his paintings for $800-$1000 a piece now that he’s retired. My heart ached to hear him talk about that, knowing how our leadership’s positions on immigrants have taken such a dark and horrifying turn.

Imagine the buildings and museums and public places that would never have been if a business man in the park hadn’t lifted up a Turkish painter who spoke little English.

And now that painter was paying it forward on me.

I still feel pretty darn sick. I’ve still got body aches and a nose that has taken the rest of my face hostage.

But today was a really good day. And I just wanted to share it with you in case you are looking for reasons to keep drawing/painting/dancing/writing. It all counts and it is all good.

If you would like to see Ilker Kocohan’s work, please click here.

[phantomdrummcr]

@youthstclen​ whispered:  🎶 — favorite song at the moment? 📕 — favorite book/series? 🧶 — any non-writing hobbies/interests? 📺 — favorite movie(s) and/or tv show(s)? ✏️ — how long have you been roleplaying on tumblr? ✍️ — what other platforms have you roleplayed on? 🗒 — what is/are your favorite genre(s)/theme(s) to write? 🤔 — what genre(s)/theme(s) do you struggle to write the most? 😁 — what’s your favorite part about being part of the rpc?

🎶 → that’s still quite a difficult one, i gotta say chung ha’s stay tonight tho. it’s such a fuckin bop. i can never get enough of that song like ever.

📕 → sadly it has to be the w.arriors series, it sucks that the lore is so fascinating cuz as of late it’s been under fire for some uh. problematic™ shit that i don’t really wanna get into now but like. it was basically what got me into writing and my earliest plots were based on its universe. and i hate myself for that 🙃

📺 → i mean obviously the walking dead, you already know this lmao, but also i just. can’t get enough of cartoons i watched as a teen?? like adventure time n voltron n all that shit. yeah u know xD

✏️ → i wanna say somewhere between 4-5 years, i opened my lance blog sometime in 2018 as a sideblog to my main before really doubling down and opening up that multi of mine in early 2020.

✍️ → deviantart, discord, & skype! but mostly it’s here n discord c:

🗒 → probably softer & sillier things like fluff n slice of life n all that, i also enjoy writing angst & smut but the latter you won’t see here and angst tends to elevate my blood pressure more than it doesn’t cuz right now it’s hard for me to juggle regular angst and my already incredible barrage of mental health issues, i just wanna focus on positivity rn cuz the world is just so fucking negative rn esp with all the civil rights violations happening not just in the us but all over the fucking world. anyways imma stop there before i dive into this stupid tangent i’m teetering right on the edge of--

🤔 → struggle doesn’t really describe my situation with angst, i think i’m okay with writing it other than the mood it puts me in, but for some reason i kind of have difficulty doing things like songfics??? like i can write something inspired off of a song but the whole line by line thing that seems very in right now i just. it seems way over-detailed for me to be able to handle and organize???

😁 → probably just. the diversity of the community. there are people from all over the world with different talents, who speak different languages, who dabble in other artistic endeavors, who are encouraging and open to talk (at least in my experience) about whatever is on your mind about a particular thread/writing scenario. idk i’ve met a lot of amazing people here in the rpc and even tho it can at times feel like a toxic and demanding community, the small circles i’m in are more than understanding and happy to let me take my time which i’m grateful af for and love you all for 🥺 <333

[evcryopeneye]

@moonlitimmortal​​ asked: :🎶  Feng Wu & Yu Mingye 

Undercover Agents - Enter Shikari  I said park your car and come on up to my house. We’ll plan a revolution. I said yeah I think I’m ready to begin. We’ll destroy the disillusion. I am currently under construction, thank you for your patience. We vinear, we unveil, we present a cold disguise. We’re all undercover agents. It’s only in our heads.I’m so done with the pressure, trapped trying to control everyone's perceptions, stuck in the mist I can’t find myself. I’m so done with the pressure! I said if you want to go far and wide now, we’ve got to go together. Tonight I’m howling with the wolves, yeah I’m howling. Can you hear us now? I was seeking another life...and the moon was so bright.

Only for a Moment - Arkells  Dressed up you’ve got your hair done up for the first time in a couple of weeks. You’re choked up form a real gut punch you’ve got some colour back in your cheeks. You keep a picture on the wall of your family, you keep a journal to reflect. You keep a picture on the wall of your family, your secrets close to your chest. If only for a moment tonight you’re not looking over your shoulder. If only for a moment tonight, I dipped you low and we both fell over. At karaoke we were trading each verse, you wore my jacket and I carried your person. If only for a moment tonight, it can be alright.

Little Changes - Frank Turner  The weather and the way we worked out wasn’t quite as expected. I’ve been melting in the summer heat going out of my mind. So far from ok, tongue tied and afraid, the big things stay the same and you just say ‘little changes.’ Giving up too easy when we could have tried a little bit harder. Standing to the side as the neighbourhood went to the dogs. We spent our energy getting angry instead of being kinder. Singing is a praise in a city given up on by the Gods.

Saving My Face - KT Tunstall  See the look on my face from staying too long in one place. Every time I try to leave, I find I keep on stalling. Feeling like a big old stone, standing by the strength of my own. Every time the morning breaks I know I’m close to falling. I’m all out of love, all out of faith, I would give everything just for a taste but everythings here, all out of place. Losing my memory but saving my face.

Your Time Will Come - Amy Macdonald  Your eyes are gently weeping as the sun begins to shine, the end is coming far too soon. I wish I had more time. So soon your time will come. Get out while you’re still young. May all your dreams come true for someone like you. Get out while you’re still young. May all your dreams come true, I’m so happy for you. Oh my eyes are getting tired as the day begins to bleed, I left it all so far behind my biggest mistake. Your smile is not like mine, it disappears from time to time, but I believe in you and everything you’ll ever do.

[izobee]

30 questions challenge!

I was tagged by @subitoscience (tysm!! 💕✨)

1: Nickname - Izy! (Who would have guessed...) Plus a ton of super embarrassing ones from my sister that I'd rather not go into...

2: Gender - female

3: Star sign- aries (I really don't fit the stereotypes though!)

4: Height - 5'4/163cm

5: Time - 23:23

6: Birthday - 7th April 🎀

7: Fav bands - I don't really listen to many bands, sorry! Mostly classical...

8: Fav solo artists - same again! Although there's some great violinists...

9: Song stuck in head - for some reason the minuet from Beethoven's first symphony

10: Last movie watched - I think it was Maleficent?

11: Last show watched: uni challenge

12: When did I create my blog - some time at the end of August 2017...

13: What do I post- on @izobee I guess it can be summed up as (classical) music, pretty photos and random posts? @eclogue-studies is my studyblr, so that has more original posts and it's mostly study notes and bujo spreads.

14: Last thing I googled - "Roman man being eaten by a lion". I know, it sounds ridiculous. I'm doing a presentation on utilitarianism and I needed a picture to go with talking about the ethics of the whole 'feeding Christians to lions' thing... That's what IB philosophy does to you.

15: do you own any other blogs - yep, the two I talked about! I'm sort of answering for both blogs currently so I'll put this on my studyblr too!

16: Do you get asks - I had a couple early on on my studyblr but I haven't had any recently.

17: Why did you choose your url - this is gonna be a long one. @izobee : it's based off izabee, a little nickname a friend came up with based on my name (Isobel) which I thought was very cute! But that was taken and I thought I might as well just stay true to my name and put an 'o' in it! @eclogue-studies : uhhh so... In IB Latin I'm studying Virgil's Eclogues. And I love the word 'eclogue', it's so cute, and it's the Latin word for 'selection'. It was previously called eclogae-et-apes (Eclogues/selections and bees) which was kind of a Latin joke based on Virgil's fourth Georgic, the bee in @izobee and my icon which was a bee... So yeah, I kept the eclogue part and made it more obvious that it's a studyblr!

18: Following blogs - about 70 I think?

19: Followers - I believe it's about 35/36 on both?

20: Favourite colour - I can never choose! I like pastels, like lilac, light pink, peach and mint green, but I'm currently really liking burgundy and mauve, so... Plus white aesthetics are really pretty!

21: Average hours of sleep - I usually get around 7 ish?

22: Lucky number - 5, 7, 8 and 9!

23: Instruments: violin and piano! 🎶 Violin is my first instrument and I'm much better at it than I am at piano!

24: What I'm wearing - pyjamas currently!

25: How many blankets do you sleep with - a duvet and sometimes a throw blanket too

26: Dream job - violinist 💖

27: Dream trip - I'm not really sure? I really love Italy but I've been there a couple of times now in the last few years. I'd love to visit Tokyo one day though - if I could speak Japanese!

28: Fave food - that's a toughie. I love quite a lot of fruits (honeydew melon, clementines and pomegranates​ are probably my favourites?) Pasta, sweetcorn and I cannot not mention chocolate...

29: Nationality - British

30: Current fav song - it's gonna have to be classical! And there are a few - Sibelius violin concerto, Shostakovich string quartet 8, Brahms quintet in F minor, Shostakovich symphonies 5 & 7... I could go on and on... I guess my current favourite is the Brahms because I was doing a listening question on it for homework and it's been in my head all day!

I'm tagging... @anaverageslytheringirl @shosty-induced-migraine and @hippieinthehotrod plus anyone else who wants to do it! (Sorry if you've already been tagged, and don't feel pressured to do it!) 💖