#🎰Shinyu

[sweet-roulette]

In which Kotoko visits Riki’s grave to fill him in on news. (Feat. Alternative Ending written by @9024kickthedrum!)

The moonlight bathed the cemetery in a soft, ghostly glow as Kotoko wandered through the gravestones. Her footsteps were slow and deliberate, her heart heavy with the weight of unspoken words. The chill in the air was biting, but she hardly noticed it. Her fingers tightened around the small bouquet of flowers she had brought—Riki’s favorite.

“こんなこと、まじでバカみたい…” Kotoko muttered under her breath, shaking her head.

(“This is seriously so stupid…”)

Still, her feet didn’t stop. As much as she hated to admit it, talking to her brother’s grave had become something of a ritual for her. Something about it felt grounding, even though it left a bitter taste in her mouth.

Finally, she reached his gravestone. She stared at the carved name for a moment before kneeling down, her hands trembling as she placed the flowers at the base.

“よ、リキ。”

(“Hey, Riki.”)

Kotoko sat down, leaning back against the cold stone, her legs stretched out in front of her as if she was settling in for a long conversation. She let out a long breath, watching it disappear into the night air.

“どうやって始めればいいか、毎回わからなくなる。” she admitted with a sigh, her eyes tracing the moon’s glow.

(“I never know how to start these things.”)

She fiddled with the hem of her jacket for a moment, collecting her thoughts. “さて、最近...私はポートマフィアに参加しました。”

(“Well, recently… I joined the Port Mafia.”)

She paused, her lips curving into a faint smirk. “中原先生が『最近少し成長したな』って言ってくれた。まあ、あいつなりの褒め言葉なんだろう。”

(“Chuuya-san said I’ve ‘grown a bit recently.’ I guess that’s his way of complimenting me.”)

Kotoko chuckled to herself, remembering the way Chuuya had folded his arms and nodded in reluctant approval. It was the closest thing to praise she ever got from him.

“先生が、あなたと私がよく似てるって言うのは…やっぱりなんか嫌な感じだよ。” she murmured, her voice softer. “あなたは完璧だったからね。”

(“Hearing him say you and I are alike… it makes me feel weird. You were always perfect, you know?”)

Her words were tinged with the old ache of loss, the kind that never quite fades, no matter how much time passes. She bit her lip, her eyes lingering on the gravestone.

“でも、なんだろう…” she hesitated, her voice catching for a second. “私、頑張ってる。リキがいなくなっても。”

(“But… I’m trying. Even without you here, I’m trying.”)

The night felt heavier, pressing down on her shoulders, as if the moon itself was listening in on the conversation.

“And…” she sighed, closing her eyes for a moment, remembering the little English she knew. “Shinyu.” Kotoko practically spat the name, her expression twisting with frustration.

“彼は、本当に最悪。”

(“He’s the worst.”)

She leaned her head back against the gravestone, a humorless smile tugging at her lips. “あなたが会ったら、絶対あいつのこと笑うよ。毎回私をイライラさせるんだから。”

(“If you met him, you’d laugh. He drives me crazy every time.”)

“彼は…ギャンブルの天才だって。” Kotoko scoffed, folding her arms. “でもそれだけじゃない。あいつの顔見るだけでむかつくんだよ。ねずみみたいなやつ。”

(“He’s a gambling genius, allegedly. But that’s not even the worst part. Just looking at him makes me mad. He’s like a rat.”)

She let out a frustrated breath, her fingers tugging at the strands of her hair. “なんで私があいつと組む必要があるのか、まだ理解できないけど…”

(“I still don’t understand why I have to be partnered with him, but…”)

Kotoko trailed off, her voice softening. “もしかしたら、あのバカとも少しずつうまくやっていけるようになってきたかも。”

(“Maybe… just maybe, I’m starting to get along with that idiot. A little.”)

She hated admitting it, even to Riki’s gravestone, but she couldn’t deny it anymore. Despite their constant fighting, despite Shinyu’s ability to get under her skin, there was something almost… comfortable about their partnership.

“でも、リキがいたら、あいつに二度と近づけさせないけどね。” she muttered with a smirk, imagining her brother’s protective nature kicking in.

(“But if you were here, you’d never let him near me, would you?”)

Silence fell over them again, the kind that only the dead and the moon understood. Kotoko swallowed, her voice wavering slightly as she spoke once more.

“リキ、私、ちゃんとできてるかな…？” she asked quietly, staring at the flowers she had brought.

(“Riki… am I doing alright?”)

There was no answer. There never would be. But in the stillness of the night, with the moon hanging heavy in the sky, Kotoko felt a little lighter.

“あなたがここにいてくれたらな…” she whispered, her voice barely above a breath.

(“I wish you were here.”)

She tilted her head back, leaning against the gravestone, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “お兄ちゃん…誇りに思ってくれてるといいな。”

(“Riki… I hope you’re proud of me.”)

For a moment, she thought she saw a flicker of movement in the shadows, a sign from the other side. But it was probably just the wind, brushing through the trees. Still, Kotoko smiled faintly, her fingers brushing the cold stone one last time.

“じゃあ、またね。” she said softly, rising to her feet.

(“Well, see you later.”)

The moonlight followed her as she turned to leave, and Kotoko felt a little less alone under the night sky.

ALTERNATE ENDING BELOW (it starts as she leaves)

The moon hung high and bright in the clear night sky as Kotoko walked away from Riki's grave, her heart heavy with grief. The chill of the evening air surrounded her, but it couldn’t freeze the emotions that swirled inside. 

As she rounded a corner near the park, she spotted Shinyu leaning against a lamppost, his expression a mix of confusion and concern. "コトコ、待って！" he called out, pushing off the pole as she approached.  

"Kotoko, wait!"

She barely glanced at him, the frustration bubbling beneath her skin. "また公園で会うって言っただけでしょ？" she shot back, her tone sharper than intended.  

"I just said we’d meet at the park, right?"

Shinyu frowned, trying to gauge her mood. "でも、今日の夜は…俺、心配してたんだ。"  

"But tonight… I was worried about you."

Kotoko sighed heavily, running a hand through her hair. "もういいの。今日は話したくないの。"  

"I’m done. I don’t want to talk today."

"リキのことで？" he pressed gently, concern etched on his face.  

"About Riki?"

"そうだよ。" she snapped, halting in her tracks. "リキが今日亡くなったの。だから、あなたのことを考える余裕なんてないの。"  

"Yeah. Riki died today. So I don’t have the energy to deal with your bullshit.”

Shinyu stepped closer, his voice steady despite the tension. "俺だって気持ちを分かってるつもりだよ。少しでも助けになりたいんだ。" He switched to English. “That’s what partners do, right?”

"I’m trying to understand how you feel. I want to help, even a little."

She shook her head, her eyes flashing with anger and sadness. "助けるって何？私が泣いたり、弱音を吐いたりするのを聞きたいの？"  

"Help? What does that even mean? Do you want to hear me cry or whine about it?"

"違うよ！" Shinyu retorted, his voice rising. "ただ、俺は…俺はお前のことが心配なんだ。"  

"No! I just… I care about you." (holy fuck -🪶)

Kotoko's expression softened for a moment, but the walls she had built around herself were too high. "私のことなんて心配しないで。明日でも会えばいい。"  

"Don’t worry about me. We can meet tomorrow or something."

With that, she turned on her heel, moving to walk away again. But Shinyu caught her arm, gently but firmly. "お願い、コトコ。今日だけは少しだけ話してくれないか？"  

"Please, Kotoko. Just talk to me a little today?"

His grip was light, but it sent a jolt through her, a reminder of the connection they shared. "何を話せばいいの？私の兄が死んだことを？ 彼は6フィート下にいて、二度と戻ってこないこと?"  

"What should I talk about? That my brother died? That he’s 6feet under and never coming back?”

"そうだ、話してくれ。" he urged, his eyes sincere. "その気持ちを話せば、少しは楽になるかもしれない。"  

"Yes, talk about it. Maybe it’ll help a little."

She hesitated, the weight of his words settling over her. Part of her wanted to spill everything, to let the pain out, but another part screamed to keep it all locked away. He wouldn’t understand. Rich gambler who probably doesn’t even know what it feels like.

"…リキがいなくなって、すごく寂しい。" she finally admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.  

"I feel so lonely without Riki."

Shinyu released her arm, sensing a shift in her. "その気持ち、すごくわかるよ。俺も孤独だと思う時がある。あなたは一人ではありません。あなたには私がいます。そしてチュウヤ。そしてレイ。"  

"I understand that feeling. I feel lonely sometimes too. But You’re not alone. You have me. And Chuuya. And Rei."

Kotoko looked away, her heart racing.

"でも、コトコがいるときは特別なんだ。" he replied softly, stepping closer again. "君のことを考えてしまう。"  

"But when you’re around, it’s different. it’s not lonely. I think about you."

His words hung in the air, heavy with unspoken feelings. Kotoko felt her defenses start to crumble, the crack in her tough exterior widening.

"私は…自分がどうなってしまうのか、わからない。" she admitted, her voice shaking slightly.  

"I don’t know what’s going to happen to me."

She paused. Then decided she would try a longer English sentence.

“What.. if I.. disa..point him?”

Shinyu's gaze softened, understanding her fear. He responded in English. Her accent was nice. Broken, but it was cute.

(Fuck chat I’m tweaking. -🪶)

"I think it’ll get easier together. At least you’re not alone."

For a moment, they stood in silence, the moon illuminating their faces as they shared a connection that felt more profound than before. Kotoko finally let out a shaky breath, her heart open just a fraction.

"明日、また会おう。" she said softly, a hint of vulnerability breaking through.  

"Let’s meet again tomorrow."

"それでいいよ。" Shinyu smiled, relief washing over him. "待ってるから。"  

"That’s fine. I’ll be waiting."

As Kotoko turned to leave, she glanced back at him one last time, the moonlight casting a soft glow around them. For the first time in a while, she felt a flicker of hope amid the sorrow.

"おやすみ、シンユ。"  

"Goodnight, Shinyu."

"おやすみ、コトコちゃん。" he replied, watching her walk away, feeling a renewed sense of determination to be there for her, no matter what it took.

“Goodnight, Kotoko-chan.”

Arcturus’s notes: If that wasn’t a fucking confession I don’t know what is. Anyways, no they aren’t dating, they probably won’t ever be.

Onion’s notes: ME AND WHO???? AUGH. ANYWAYS TAGS!!

@city-of-c0rpses

@foxboyroadkill

@happy--prince

@paintedgrilledcheese

[sweet-roulette]

今。- Kotoko and Shinyu

(Now.)

Note: Imagine the dialogue being in Japanese, my nihongo isn’t jouzu right now 😦

TW: Slight mention/implication of suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, the pain that Shinyu is literally so in love with her but she’ll never feel the same way, this was kinda self indulgent cause I have been UNSTAAAABLE!!!

Kotoko sat on the edge of the roof, her legs dangling over the void, eyes locked on the skyline that seemed impossibly far away. The wind tugged at her hair, but she barely noticed. All she could hear was the overwhelming noise in her head—the familiar voices she thought she'd buried long ago. The past weeks had been relentless, every mission, every look, every damn reminder of her brother, pulling her deeper into a void she couldn’t escape.

Everything felt too heavy. It was like she was stuck in the dark again, fighting to breathe against the suffocating pressure. Her thoughts ran wild, spiraling into places she didn't want them to go. The cold stone of the roof pressed against her hands as she gripped it tightly, trying to ground herself.

But it wasn’t enough.

The door to the roof creaked open, and she stiffened, hearing familiar footsteps. She didn’t turn around, didn’t react. She already knew who it was.

Shinyu.

He had been teasing her all day, throwing snide comments her way like he always did. But today, she hadn’t responded—not even with her usual sharp tongue or sarcastic comebacks. She had just… let him be. She’d stayed silent, and that silence had clearly bothered him.

He sat down beside her without a word, close enough for her to feel his presence, but not close enough to crowd her. They sat in silence, his gaze wandering over the city while hers stayed fixed on some faraway point.

“You don’t have to talk to me,” Shinyu said eventually, his voice softer than she was used to. “But I’ll stay here. Just in case.”

She said nothing, just kept staring out at the horizon.

Shinyu didn’t push. He never did when she got like this. He just sat there, waiting, knowing that she needed time.

Minutes passed. Maybe an hour. Kotoko wasn’t sure. All she knew was that the weight pressing down on her wasn’t getting any lighter. She closed her eyes, feeling the sharp, cold sting of reality tighten its grip around her. It felt like she was drowning in it—dark, cold water pulling her under, dragging her deeper into an abyss that threatened to swallow her whole.

“I’m so tired, Shinyu…” she whispered suddenly, her voice so quiet it almost disappeared into the wind.

Shinyu’s head turned slightly, his eyes flicking to her in concern, but he said nothing, letting her speak at her own pace.

“I thought it was over,” Kotoko continued, her voice hollow. “Those voices… the darkness. I thought I buried them. But it’s like they came back all at once. I can’t breathe. It feels like I’m drowning… and no matter how hard I try to swim up, it just pulls me back down. I can’t… I can’t do this anymore.”

Her hands gripped the edge of the roof tighter, her knuckles turning white. She didn’t look at him, didn’t dare show just how broken she felt in that moment. But the weight of her words hung in the air between them, raw and painful.

Shinyu took a slow breath, and for a moment, he was silent. Then, he shifted slightly closer, his arm brushing hers. “You’re not alone in that ocean, Kotoko,” he said softly, his voice rough but gentle. “I’m right here. I’ll catch you if you fall. Hell, I’d do anything for you. Say the word, and I’d fucking fight GOD if that’s what it takes.”

Kotoko’s breath hitched, but she didn’t respond.

“I mean it,” Shinyu continued, his tone serious despite the absurdity of his words. “You feel like you’re drowning? Then I’ll dive in after you. Whatever it takes, Kotoko. You don’t have to fight this on your own. I promise this right now, it doesn’t matter what it is, I’ll help you. In this life or our next, I’ll find you and help you then too.”

His hand slowly reached out, gently resting on top of hers. She didn’t pull away, didn’t tell him to stop. It was the smallest thing—a touch, barely there—but it anchored her, kept her from slipping any further into the abyss she was staring into.

“I’ve seen you fight through hell,” Shinyu murmured. “I’ve seen you rise up every time they tried to push you down. You’re stronger than this darkness, Kotoko. And if you can’t see that right now, then I’ll see it for you.”

His words wrapped around her, pulling her out of the depths she was sinking into, even if just a little. She still felt the crushing weight of it all, the exhaustion that clawed at her insides, but there was something in his voice that kept her tethered. The way he said he’d fight God if he had to—so stupid, so him—but it made her want to believe, even if only for a moment.

A small, shaky breath escaped her lips, and her grip on the ledge loosened ever so slightly.

“I don’t know if I can keep doing this,” she whispered, her voice barely audible.

“You don’t have to,” Shinyu said, his voice steady. “Not alone. You’ve got me. And I’m not going anywhere. You could scream at me, call me every name under the sun, push me away, but I’d still be right here. Because you matter to me. More than you’ll ever know. You shouldn’t be here. You have.. a light, it’s still bright despite everything, but even after all that happened.. you still choose to try to dim it. The mafia isn’t a place for you.”

Kotoko closed her eyes, her heart aching at his words. There was a part of her that wanted to push him away, to retreat into that darkness where no one could reach her. But then there was another part—a smaller, quieter part—that didn’t want to be alone anymore, that wanted to believe him.

For the first time that night, she let herself lean into his presence, just a little. She didn’t have the energy to say anything else, but the weight of the ocean inside her felt just a little lighter with him by her side.

“I’m still here,” Shinyu whispered, his voice like a lifeline in the dark. “And I’ll keep being here, no matter how deep that ocean gets.”

Kotoko didn’t respond, but for the first time in a long while, she felt like maybe, just maybe, she didn’t have to face it all alone.

And that, for now, was enough.

@thetasteofbeautyandlove ITS DONE AUSUEBEBD

[sweet-roulette]

OOC

Kotoko and Shinyu (@lotto-on-top)