#𝙺𝙰𝚃𝙽𝙸𝚂𝚂 — thread .

[gladiatefm]

closed starter for @reblrths

they had decided to try to enjoy the night , but katniss feels on edge when she finds herself walking into the president's mansion for the first time since alex's victory tour . too exposed in her dress , another beautiful gown , one of the very last of them , she expects . she tries not to think on the way peeta looked at her when they first saw one another , the way their eyes roamed over her and she felt a strange , delighted thrill in the pit of her stomach . now is not the time for such things — and it would be unfair on both of them to explore the way she felt when she saw them in that suit .

her hand is in his , where it belongs . they have always gone into these events as a team , that is something that will never change . no matter how much she pisses him off on any given day , or how uncomfortable she feels presenting herself as the love of his life . she knows what the others think of her , and she agrees of course , katniss has done nothing in this life that makes her so deserving of his devotion .

they dance a while with her cheek pressed to his , katniss only leaving their side to dance with rye , ignoring the infuriating sniffles and sobs at the fan favourite mother dancing with her child for the last time . screw the sorry lot of them . when the scores are announced , she avoids peeta's eyes at her sorry four . he must know she can't have been on her best behaviour to warrant something like this . snow must want to humiliate her , to deny her as many sponsors as possible . she hears the whispers , that maybe katniss is losing her edge after all . " sweetheart , go tell haymitch about your score . " she tells rye , and the good kid that he is , so like peeta , wanders off obediently .

" you've probably got some questions . . . " she smiles meekly at her husband , and her mouth feels stiff and sore from all that she has forced so far . " no matter what i did , they were always going to give me that score . "

[gladiatefm]

it doesn't feel right to speak with gale in a place like this . they belong in the woods together , leaves rustling between her fingers as she determines the direction of the wind , gale's miraculously light thread despite his broad shoulders , the extra weight he carries thanks to their combined skills . if only she had known , had taken the chance to slip beneath that fence one last time and be by his side in complete solitude . how can peeta love her so unconditionally when he doesn't know the katniss who is free amongst the trees ?

she frowns at the mention of madge , honestly she hadn't expected gale to think of her after all these years , particularly not following the resentment he had felt as a teenager . " she's smart . maybe smarter than you and me . . . i keep forgetting that she's an adult these days . " she shakes her head , a fond smile playing on her lips . " i've seen madge around . i've missed her more than i even realised . "

It is strange to look at her, to watch her like they watched the forest come to life if they sat silent and still enough for a while with entire portions of their days at the time entirely engulfed in hunting for food, foraging and the like waiting for game and keeping score of points that never mattered. He can't ever voice how any time his eyes lock on a piece of his soul living and breathing in her that it does in fact transport him to another plan where they are on a perpetual hunt. Game is good and fish are biting and she is there. When she catches him in a lie, Gale feels himself there with questions. Does he make noise to disturb her in the world that keeps her safe not knowing or does he shout there is danger and to turn around, to run, to fight? Gale has no choice but to lie. If Katniss is unaware - Katniss is quiet and there is a better chance to avoid the predator lurking around the corner for all rebels if she is unaware of it or how deeply involved one is.

"I mean it, Finch? Finch, Prim went to someone who makes them feel safe who knows, they will protect them. We taught Primrose something - that's their Madge. The - the missing part to them. Did you happen to see Madge? Its been a while and she's never forgotten us. I am just glad Prim is fine. I will be fine, Katniss" Gale spoke in small breaths not to push into aggravating injury.

[gladiatefm]

@reblrths

she is lagging behind everyone else , running with both hands tied behind her back and falling over at every hurdle . unbalanced , this is how katniss has felt since arriving here . after tonight , she feels as though she's about to tip over at any second . her interviews had gone as best as she could pull off , her desperation to free rye from all of this was written so plainly across her face that katniss could feel the sympathy votes falling at her feet , even with that damned training score . but peeta — they pulled the rug from under her feet , and not for the first time .

they're herded into the lounge and she finds him swiftly , her husband like a beacon she hones in on , something she has learned with time . without them at her side , she so often feels lost , as though the bond forged in the games has become a crutch , something she cannot live without . even when she's as pissed as she feels tonight . " what the hell was that ? " she hisses , her fingers reaching out to grab at their arm , voice low but tensions high . " that's not something you wanted to run by me first ? "

[gladiatefm]

open to @empyrcals

it's day two of training and katniss is running behind , however she isn't particularly worried since half the volunteers were either late or didn't show at all on the previous day . so she takes her time , enjoying a long hot shower and a filling breakfast before taking the elevators down to the gymnasium below ground .

it's quiet down here , silent enough to be off putting , but she always feels ill at ease in the tribute center so she pushes it from her mind . thoughts trail to rye , imagining what could be awaiting them both and how in the world she is going to do this — after all , these people have become her friends .

she walks , chewing at the side of her thumb in worry when she bumps into him . immediately the peacekeeper uniform takes her aback , but it is to see one without a helmet that is so strange . stranger still , is that it's gale looking down at her . her mouth opens and closes , silent but gasping in surprise , then confusion , then fear . " gale ? " horrified , she grabs hold of him , shoves her fist at his chest but the peacekeeper uniform is hard and nothing like the soft sweater he wears in the woods . " what are you doing ? you can't be here ! "

[gladiatefm]

open to @empyrcals

katniss hasn't yet spoken to effie since the reaping and the guilt has sat in her gut ever since , marinating and demanding she pay attention at some point , but the girl on fire is well practiced in avoiding such situations . it was all a blur , rye's name had been pulled from the bowl by effie's hand , and katniss had seen red . still , she is ashamed of her behaviour .

it's quiet on the twelfth floor and katniss slips from her room to find her escort already at the breakfast table , a cup of coffee in hand . she tugs her sleeves down over her knuckles like a skittish child and approaches carefully , aware of her affinity for good manners , even if the years have softened her . " morning , effie . " she hums as she takes a seat at the table , already her favourite hot chocolate is being placed in front of her by an avox . " can we talk ? "

[gladiatefm]

katniss keeps a tight leash on her emotions , but when it rains it pours and she can feel herself shaking with sobs she will not set free . the pain when peeta looks at her , she can't bear it a second longer , cannot add to it when she knows that she is already tearing them apart . what would've happened if he had stepped forward that day on caesar's stage ? she would have fallen apart no doubt , unable to hold herself together the way that he has ever since she volunteered to return to the place of their shared nightmares .

" don't say that . i can shoot an arrow , big deal . you're the good one , you're the one who brings something to the table . the way you treat people . when you gave rue's family our winnings . . . i'm not half the person you are so just stop talking like that . " katniss knows that she's guilty of underestimating him , same as haymitch , same as his parents even . but the obvious fact is that they're the one who holds katniss together , the glue in the shattered vase of her psyche . the person who deserves to be here . she's quiet for a moment , attempting to reign herself in , to pull back on the anger he doesn't deserve to be on the receiving end of . " you think no one needs you , peeta . but i do . i need you . "

she can't remember a time they've ever been so open . they share a trauma she cannot let go of , and yet the thoughts they've kept hidden from one another have taken two children , a wedding , and twenty years of learning how to be married to one another to finally share the raw , pulsing core of their pain . " if you were one second sooner you would have gone into that arena and left me and haymitch to beg sponsors to give you money . c'mon , peeta . you know where our strengths lie and this is how we do right by rye . " she sighs , finally pulling away from the balcony and giving their hand that squeeze to remind them that she's here . they're a team , and a good one too . " you're so much better than your parents . you must know that . you love our children , even if we feared it was temporary all these years . you made me brave enough to love them too . "

they need to get out of here , for any second she can imagine a peacekeeper bursting in on this moment , wrangling them back inside the party where they must be bright , beautiful , the star - crossed lovers of district twelve . fan favourites to so many . but she's rooted to the spot , her hand in peeta's and her eyes on him . gently , she brushes a tear from their cheek , a small and sad smile plays on her lips . she loves and hates that pet name . this fake , imaginary townie he could have married — she realises she hates them . " alright , " she agrees , stepping into their arms and accepting a comfort that she just doesn't deserve . " he deserves to see the sun set from up there . and more than that , he deserves to see us keeping it together . "

peeta shakes their head, whether at her voice raising and the fear of someone hearing, or at the words she says and the knowing that it isn't true. they've never talked about what happened in that arena, not in-depth, because in truth it came down to semantics. they did what they needed to do to survive, peeta was upset for a long time because the woman he wanted to marry didn't want to marry him but they had no choice, did they? if they had the choice, he could have courted her if she allowed him, attempted to romance her like the starry-eyed boy he was, who watched her on days in school and listened to her sing, like the way she does for rye and willow now and he's just as hopeless as he ever was. at least, he could convince himself that he would have, and not be too coward to speak to the girl. and if she wanted him to stay away, then that's exactly what he would have done, too. if they had the choice -- but if that was the case, all of that would have only been possible if they hadn't gone into the arena at all. but what katniss says is simply wrong.

and peeta doesn't shout back, because they knew this was coming, too. "katniss," they say carefully, words dripping with earnestness as a small rueful twist to their lips. "we both know who was actually supposed to die in that arena, and it wasn't you," it wasn't intended to hurt, or throw it in her face, it was the truth. they search her face now, only to show her that what they say is what they mean. they've made their peace with dying just the same had it meant katniss got to live. "i only survived because of you and that stupid rule change. you would have won regardless and everyone knew that. haymitch bet on you, for god's sake, not me. there were so many times when it should have happened, too," they shake their head again, as if disappointed that it hadn't. "and i guess--"

the voice cracks and they look away, face twisting before regaining what semblance of composure they had. peeta supposed katniss should not be the only one to open up tonight -- and they realize, with startling clarity and time running out, that peeta has never truly opened up to her, either. they grasp at it hopelessly, saying words that at best would change things if the rebellion acted quickly and they got them both back, at worst would die with katniss herself. "i thought i was angry at you, but really i was just angry at myself," they admit. peeta looks to her, as if looking for an answer she can't give. "i mean, what kind of father can't protect their own family? if i was one second sooner, i could have...." peeta sighs, shaking their head again. "i used to hold it against my own parents for their distance, but over the years i started to understand. how can you raise a child knowing they might be dead before they graduate? if i was smarter, i would have done that -- kept the distance. but i couldn't live with myself if i just became my father, wanting to be there and unable to summon the strength to actually do it."

peeta can feel the wetness on his own cheeks as he finishes speaking, but he can't remember when they'd started to fill his vision. he looks down at katniss and smiles once more, something that doesn't reach his eyes but it's the optimist and the realist battling for dominance within in him. "I'll never be able to let you go, sweetheart. never fully, even if i did win those games and marry a townie." he chuckles softly -- a night full of admissions. but katniss knew this already. their thumb brushes her cheek and any stray tear that might linger before it drops to their side once more. "make it good for as long as we... have left," and it pains to say it. even if they burn the entire capitol to the ground and die within those flames, they want a few memorable nights with them before it. "we'll leave when the party ends. we'll put rye to sleep. go to the roof, though i want to show him it before..... well, before. do you want to?"

[gladiatefm]

closed to @gcdeater . the arena , cornucopia .

katniss is shaking as she is rises into the arena , chest pumping with adrenaline , and with terror as peeta is dragged out of the launch room , battered and blue . it's clear what they have done as her braid whips against her cheek , the wind howling in her ears , chest concaving with vicious sobs , and she cannot for one moment focus on the arena . she can see nothing but her husband beaten by peacekeepers , then taken off to who knows where , nothing more than a message sent her way .

claudius templesmith is counting down , and katniss attempts to pull herself together , to remind herself that this is life or death — and when she can't find rye , her knees near buckle , but she holds herself together . there is nothing to be surprised by in panem any more , and besides if he isn't here , it can't be so terrible . i'll find him , she reminds herself . but for now she must remain alive , and those instincts which have gotten her to her thirty sixth year kick in .

the gong rings , and she runs , darting through the snow as best she can . she's used to a rough winter in twelve , more than used to the pain of hunting in the depths of december , but katniss has never known anything like this . her fingers are around the bow when her senses pick it up , the arrival of another ; she spins , arrow notched , and is met with the face of finnick odair .

[gladiatefm]

@riiseandfall . the arena , day one

she has taken to the woods , to something resembling familiarity following a day of hiking through a snow-swept arena and grieving the life she was handed twenty years ago . two beautiful children and a husband she never deserved , a house with lace curtains and wooden floors , with a fireplace where she would sit with peeta , let them brush her wet hair until she gave into the softness of it all , leaned against them . she would put the hunter away for the night and pull her babies into her lap .

the foolish girl with the arrested development , she is here alone , searching for her son , for something to kill and feed to finnick odair . she is thankful for the snow though it seeps into her skin , the clothes meant to protect her dampening her skin anyhow . at least there's no repeat of her first games , the sandpaper tongue and a desperate search for water .

her guard is high and katniss walks with an arrow notched . gentle footsteps across the snow , soft as she can go as she comes to terms with the absence of rye , all that she has to make up for before she can bear to say goodbye to him .

lost in thought , her head snaps up with the presence of another . she sees dante after he's thrown the spear , and though it's clear his aim is not true , will not hit her , katniss shoots without hesitation . the oncoming spear has thrown off her aim , hit his shoulder , and she's surprised to hear the footsteps of another tribute darting away from behind her . who was he aiming for ? both of them ?

katniss focuses on dante , approaches him and his bleeding shoulder , another arrow notched and she aims for his eye . " give me one reason not to shoot . "

[gladiatefm]

closed starter for @damagedflames

she cannot deny that it still feels somewhat terrifying to see prim in the capitol , the exact place she has fought tooth and nail to keep them away from . but when she looks at them , so beautiful , so smart , and she knows that they don't need her constant protection quite like they used to . still , old habits die hard and she loves her so constantly , so consistently .

katniss reigns back that part of herself as best she can and finds herself wandering through the crowd towards prim , a glass of champagne in hand — may as well enjoy what little pleasures she has left . " you look nice . " she smiles , reaching to smooth back their hair behind their ear , her touch trying at sisterly over protective . " come dance with your sister . c'mon . " let snow see what that low score did to her , let him see she doesn't give a damn .

[gladiatefm]

it's been twenty years , and katniss never has learned how to be a real mentor . not like peeta has , bonding with those kids in a way that she just cannot bring herself to , not when she knows what's coming for them . some survival skills have been shared , tips and tricks , details of her old snares and the right way to string a bow — but she has been cold , unapproachable . she has a lot of regrets as she walks to her death , and that is one of them .

a sigh , katniss offers him a small , shaky smile . the truth is that she doesn't want to die , not when there's so much unfinished business with peeta , with willow who she didn't get to say a proper goodbye to , to brush her hand one more time through her daughter's hair before she disappears into nothing . " 'course i will . i just don't know how i'm gonna go in there with friends , haymitch . what happens if it comes down to me and alex ? do i kill them to keep my kid alive ? it's . . . " it's sick , but she can't voice that aloud , not here . the capitol turning friends against one another for shock value and excitement , she isn't even surprised . " just have my back out here ? between the three of us , we can get rye out of there . "

haymitch can almost feel the exhaustion radiating off of her -- and he thinks he may understand. if the capitol would have let him ( more accurately, if katniss or peeta would've let him ) haymitch knows would've volunteered in an INSTANT for rye. he wouldn't have made it out alive, no doubt, he's too old and too dependent on vices you can't find in an arena, but he would get that kid out alive, if it was the last thing he did. he knows katniss feels the same way. sometimes, with this ' kid, ' it's like looking into a mirror.

he hates keeping things from her, and he knows if he says too much, she'll read him like a book. he glosses over that, instead skipping to what's supposed to be a jest, "never too late to be a mentor, sweetheart." he wants to make her a million promises, among them: i'll keep them safe while you're gone, i'll do whatever i can to keep you and rye alive while you're in there, neither of which are appropriate now. neither of which would make her feel any better. "you'll do whatever it takes for rye. i don't have to be the one to tell you that," he pauses, gathering his thoughts and trying to scrounge up something that has any sort of ability to make her feel less... hopeless. there's no perfect words for that, instead, he says "you're stronger than you think, katniss. give yourself a little credit." no words will ever be enough.

[gladiatefm]

@bludline

she's pissed off , but katniss has learned to understand peeta's thought process through the years , the way in which they can manipulate a crowd and hold them in the palm of their head as though it is the simplest thing in the world . she envies it , she admires it , but she is fuming all the same . his superpower is his charisma , her own is her fury .

she finds madge in the lounge , sitting quietly and alone , and she is brought back to their schooling days , the middle of a packed cafeteria and it is just them . the understanding , the kindness they share . she needs it , and it is with ease that she approaches her old friend . " madge , " she offers a small smile then slides into the seat facing her , exhaustion written clear upon her features . " it looked quiet over here . i need quiet . "

[gladiatefm]

open to @riiseandfall .

the  low  score  is  inconsequential  to  katniss  ,  she  had  figured  snow  would  mess  with  the  numbers  in  order  to  get  in  her  head  ,  but  it  seems  peeta  is  shaken  by  all  that  went  down  tonight  and  guilt  is  gnawing  on  her  .  excusing  herself  from  whatever  conversation  she  had  been  dragged  into  ,  katniss  slips  away  from  the  crowds  ,  desperate  for  a  moment  alone  .  her  eyes  are  cast  downward  ,  hands  on  the  skirt  of  this  ridiculously  tight  dress  and  all  of  her  attention  is  focused  on  getting  away  from  here  as  quickly  as  she  can  ,  before  anyone  else  grabs  hold  of  her  .  but  a  lanky  chest  connections  with  her  shoulder  and  katniss  is  horrified  to  find  herself  knocking  blindly  into  an  avox  ,  her  eyes  widening  .  "  i'm  sorry  ,  i  wasn't  watching  —  "  she  cuts  herself  off  when  she  looks  at  them  ,  the  familiarity  in  their  face  ,  it  breaks  something  within  her  .  a  shaky  voice  ,  "  are  you  .  .  .  "

[gladiatefm]

closed starter for @riiseandfall​ , district twelve apartment .

her body aches . a day has passed since she volunteered and the stress has hovered over her since , seeped into her muscles and into her dreams . she didn't even bother with sleep tonight , instead she slipped from the bed and padded into the living area , pulled her robe further around herself and ordered some hot chocolate from the nearest avox — she still can't quit meet their eyes .

she curls up on the couch , watches a repeat of the volunteering and is contemplating the unhinged look in her eyes when alex wanders in . " why are you up so late ? " she asks , eyebrows raising . she knows , of course , that they sleep about as well as she does . it's often they run into one another at this hour .

[gladiatefm]

to a point , katniss doesn't know who she is . does johanna see that when they look at her ? the girl on fire , who cannot be a real person for a second . she's a walking advertisement for pretty clothes designed by people she loves , a family which has become a product , and a target for snow's venom which poisons her , day by day . it will kill her , that much she knows . " if i stop thinking that way ? it's the truth , johanna . you think i want my son going into the arena ? nothing that i do , say , or think isn't going to change that . "

johanna might go blind rolling their eyes because of shit katniss said, just more woe is me, i'm not responsible for my actions, kind of bs. maybe that was all katniss knew how to be, maybe the crappy acting during her own games wasn't planned and that was just who katniss was. if that was true it kind of sucked, it meant johanna wasn't likely to get anywhere with the other, anywhere productive anyway. "could you be a real person for one fucking second?" they said rather suddenly but they were tired of this crap. but it was also hypocritical as hell because johanna had never been themself when the capitol was watching, which was always. and johanna would never be themself for katniss, not if katniss couldn't reciprocate. this was like a game of who would break first and apparently it was jo. "did you ever stop to consider it's that kind of thinking that perpetuates the games? did you ever consider if you stopped thinking that way we could actually change things?" they scoffed, they didn't expect a real answer or any answer at all.

[gladiatefm]

@dissensiio

it's  one  of  those  days  ,  rainy  and  filled  with  confusion  .  the  games  are  a  summer  affair  but  it's  so  grey  outside  and  katniss  can  feel  the  clouds  lying  heavy  over  the  tribute  tower  .  after  the  party  in  snow's  mansion  ,  unease  has  settled  in  and  she  finds  herself  pushing  out  of  the  penthouse  ,  desperate  for  a  change  of  scenery  despite  her  imprisonment  within  the  center  .  she's  used  to  it  ,  this  awful  place  where  all  of  her  nightmares  begin  ,  where  she  never  can  escape  from ,  even  in  waking  .

when  she  runs  into  glitter  ,  katniss  wants  to  bolt  .  it  took  a  while  to  connect  the  dots  the  first  time  she  saw  her  here  ,  the  familiarity  in  her  face  and  then  that  surname  ,  the  family  she  had  looked  down  upon  during  the  victory  tour  —  she  had  been  there  .  but  there's  no  where  to  go  now  when  she  finds  herself  in  the  same  elevator  ,  katniss  accidentally  blocking  the  buttons  stumbles  quickly  out  of  her  way  ,  eyes  upon  the  ground  as  though  it  is  her  end  and  beginning  .  "  sorry  .  .  .  do  you  .  .  .  what  floor  ?  "

[gladiatefm]

@reblrths — peeta . ( the hovercraft after the games )

she wakes up , and she wishes she was dead . the hovercraft hums around her and it is the last thing she remembers , watching as the claw had reached for her , lifted her into the belly of the capital's power . katniss sits up with a start on the tiny cot she's been laid upon , pulling various tubes from her chest as she rights herself , feels the warmth which has seeped back into her skin for the first time in a week . it is with shaking fingers that she grabs a syringe nearby , a useless weapon but it is something .

i should be dead , she thinks , but logic isn't reaching her brain . the cogs are turning , but they are slow , and all that she knows is that rye isn't in this room with her . katniss slips into the hallways , eager to find her son , to ensure that the capitol do not lay their hands upon his tiny body for one moment longer . she feels as small as he is , a child manipulated by a power she can't comprehend , forced into a death match , to a marriage , to a family she had no choice over . each step further into the hovercraft dangles her powerlessness over her spinning head .

voices echo in the otherwise silent hallways , labyrinthine and confusing , it is all that she can follow . when the doors slide open , katniss cannot quite comprehend it ; the sight of plutarch and the other faces she does not register in the room . . . because peeta is there . peeta who was battered in front of her before the games , who could have been dead for all she knew , who she finally understood her love for in those final moments before the games . his face swims before her , and her vision turns red as the pieces slip clumsily into place . " what are you doing with him ? " her voice is as unsteady as the fingers gripping the syringe . and she was a fool to love him . " where is my son ? "