#𝐯𝐢𝐢𝐢. . . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ [ 𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤 › main verse ]

[muutosarchive]

HE'S SITTING ON TUCKER'S BED, half-hugging himself, &. rocking back &. forth slowly. all done in a misguided attempt to combat the inner violence, while he viciously vibrates internally. such an affliction is visible on the outside, but not nearly to the extent of the category five earthquake taking place inside of him. he's sick. terribly, irrevocably sick. &. his mind is only able to focus on one thing.

it's a terrible disease inflicted upon him, though he's ultimately unwilling to seek help from the normalcy imposed since early childhood. his mind is in fight or flight, &. the laced coffee ceased being enough at an astonishingly young age. it's no excuse for his behavior, but mere explanation. yet tweek doesn't ask for, nor expect forgiveness. the best he can hope for is indifference.

the anger was expected, but misplaced. shouldn't he know well enough by now? was this really a surprise? his pouting lips edge downward, with his eyes caught in a small spell of guilt at the obvious defeat afflicting crai. the explanation of lacking cash is something all-too apparent, considering he'd searched high &. low for even so much as a scrap of coin. a nod passing, albeit jittery, while his tense body shivers. he gets it. he does . . . his own parents have kept things pretty tight around the house, being used to these types of behaviour patterns by now. but they were dry, too. usually so apt to keep him under control.

he feels guilty. didn't want to look at craig, even though he should. eyes peering up though at the accusation . . . cotton mouth opens with a lack of words to remedy any of this, as though it was ever going to be worth it. "i -- ah! -" he twitches, eyes clenching for a moment. "i would have given it b-back once -- once my parents ha-had more shit!" he promised. &. it was true. or, at least he'd have made an attempt. given him something. . . . that's more than enough of directly facing that penetrating look in his counterpart's eyes. staring holes into the floor. his face flexing. "oh, d-don't bring them into this! you know i -- i wouldn't have done anything." he knew they wouldn't be home . . . routines.

his finger reaches up to scratch at the back of his neck, while his rocking back &. forth (&. by this point, his shaking) became worse. more pronounced, &. sped considerably. soft whines &. moans crop up from the back of his throat, as sweat builds on his hair-line &. dots his temples. craig stands, &. his brows clench in confusion that crosses his face too late. delayed reaction rising panic in his chest as weak arms push up against the mattress &. force himself back. but, too-little-too-late to avoid tucker's seizing. screaming in his face as he shoves at his shoulder. again, weakly. "ah!! i didn't, i swe- i fucking swear, dude! you can go check! jesus christ!" his upper lip wavers. his face spelling confusion, &. even anger. even if it's undeserved. "i wouldn't do that, craig."

     THAT  EXPLANATION  DID  not  help  Tweek  at  all ;  in  fact ,  it  made  it  worse .    A  shock  of  wrath  flashed  through  Craig’s  eyes  again ,  but  then ,  suddenly ,  as  if  his  strings  had  been  cut ,  his  shoulders  drooped ,  and  he  slumped  down  on  his  mess  of  a  bed .    “ We  don’t  have  money  to  give  you , ”  he  forced  out  through  a  jaw  that  was  rapidly  clenching  up  again .    “ We’re  fucking  strapped ,  dude . ”    The  Tuckers  had  already  been  more  or  less  destitute  when  they  still  had  Thomas’  income ,  and  now . . .    It  wasn’t  that  Craig  didn’t  want  to  help  Tweek  ( although  he  didn’t ,  especially  not  with  drugs ) ,  it  was  that  he  couldn’t .

     He  looked  over  to  Spot  and  Stripe ,  who  were  cowering  in  the  corner  of  their  cage ,  nowhere  else  to  go ,  their  igloo  having  been  overturned  in  Tweek’s  search ,  although  the  two  of  them  appeared  to  be  relatively  unharmed ,  just  badly  startled .

     “ You  were  just  gonna  steal  it  from  us ? ”  he  demanded ,  swiveling  his  attention  back  to  Tweek ,  fixing  him  with  a  penetrating  stare  that  Craig  knew  would  freak  him  out ,  even  if  he  didn’t  meet  it .    “ What  if  my  mom  had  been  home ?    Or  Tricia ?    What  would  you  have  done ,  then ,  huh ? ”    Craig  could  —  and  did  —  put  up  with  a  lot  of  shit  from  Tweek  that  he  didn’t  want  the  other  two  involved  in .    In  a  way ,  he  could  almost  tolerate  being  stolen  from ,  as  long  as  the  others  had  their  possessions  left  alone .

     Tricia  seemed  to  like  Tweek  for  whatever  bullshit  reason ,  too ,  considering  herself  to  already  be  his  sister-in-law .    To  know  that  Tweek  might  betray  whatever  small  modicum  of  trust  she  had  placed  in  him  set  Craig’s  rage  at  a  fever  pitch ,  and  he  stood  up  from  the  bed  again .    “ If  I  find  out  you  so  much  as  breathed  on  the  doorknobs  of  either  of  their  rooms ,  I  won’t  just  hit  you . ”

     He  crossed  the  floor  in  two  quick ,  long  strides ,  stepping  over  strewn  clothes  and  bedding  and  drawings  he  had  done ,  seized  Tweek  by  the  front  of  the  shirt ,  and  shook  him  in  an  effort  to  jostle  that  one  spazzed-out  brain  cell .    “ I  will  fucking  put  you  in  the  fucking  ground ! ”

[muutosarchive]

after all, what is real? his entire body is weighted down, &. his whole life had been in some sort of altered state. whether this entire thing had been a construct or not, tweek had naught more to go on than exactly what sort of codependency bred from their years of saving face. the morphing of feelings, of reality, of need -- it felt insurmountable. as if, should craig leave, tweek would have nothing. no support, no one to take care of him . . . (no one to tether himself to, or to unload upon). maybe he deserves it. maybe tweek has passed the point of redemption, &. shed the pitiful opinions in the wake of his toxicity. mutually instilled. have they perhaps now ruined the other for anyone else? somehow, he felt lucky for even having clung to craig so long in the first place. at least sometimes. other times it feels like he's trying to tear him apart so that he fades entirely.

the promise had done nothing but wrinkle tweek's lip, in what felt like desperation. he doesn't believe anything craig says, anymore. but right now, he had to. what else could he do? if he left he'd feel hollowed out, &. restless at the same time. yet, as angered eyes pointed at the floor, he was forced to grapple with that fact. erratic behavior would have ensued until he caught attention &. the cycle would begin again like clockwork. yet, kiss causes tweek's sternum to burn bright in confusion, or perhaps anger. or even perhaps, yearning. somehow they all shifted into one another. breaths ragged, finally allowing craig his space in the wake of it. a shaky nod followed as he inspects craig with scrutiny. a long throaty sound escaping before speech. "-- o-okay, craig." teeth grind against the sound of the words. soft sounds made in their simultaneous chatter.

when craig leaves, tweek hardly moves. breathes, even. his anxiety lingering in a whiskey-burn that rots his gut even more-so than it already is. listening for any sounds of windows or the back door, or even the shuffle &. squeak of sneakers outside. his brows are stuck pinched, whilst lips are held open as he focuses on the rush of the tap when he finally hears the water clang against metal surface. &. he can almost taste the copper on his tongue.

eyes flicker upward down the hall. he blinks at craig, while his lips don't bother trying to simulate any sort of relief. a surprised noise leaves him -- "the g-g-glasses?" he asks, the disbelief not gone from him with a soft screwing up of his pallid face. "how the fuck could you forget where they are?" his voice is strangled. why ask when you know he's lying? he eyes him again suspiciously, before shifting &. taking the glass. "-- fine! even though i - i think we both know it won't do shit!" he sips his drink, inhaling. " . . . th-thank you. you know. for - for not leaving me."

     GOD ,   CRAIG  HATES  THAT  LOOK  in  Tweek’s  eyes ,   that  knowing  look .    It’s  not  paranoia  if  it’s  true ,   after  all ,   and  Craig  has  been  known  to  try  slinking  away  in  the  past .    One  might  think ,   by  Tweek’s  possessiveness ,   that  he  believes  this  whole  thing  to  be  real .    You  can’t  wear  one  face  to  yourself  and  another  to  the  masses  without  eventually  becoming  bewildered  as  to  which  one  is  real  —  or  however  that  quote  goes .    The  thought  drills  a  pit  right  through  the  bottom  of  Craig’s  stomach .

     “ I’ll  come  back ,   I  promise , ”  he  says ,   knowing  his  promises  don’t  mean  jack  shit ,   as  he  tries  to  shake  Tweek’s  death  grip  on  him .    He  places  a  kiss  against  Tweek’s  temple ,   and  the  taste  and  feel  of  acid  coats  the  inside  of  his  mouth .    Why  did  he  do  that ?    If  Tweek  does  believe  their  relationship  to  be  real  instead  of  a  construct  the  two  of  them  decided  on  years  ago ,   Craig  isn’t  really  helping  by  acting  more  than  he  needs  to ,   away  from  the  prying  eyes  of  anyone  other  than  his  boyfriend  of  too  long .

     He  rises ,   and  whatever  small  wisp  of  a  smile  that  was  on  his  face  while  he  tried  to  reassure  Tweek  falls  the  second  he  turns  his  back  to  him .    He  finds  his  way  to  the  Tweaks’  kitchen ,   leans  back  against  the  wall ,   and  heaves  a  ragged  sigh .    His  organs  feel  as  if  they’re  made  out  of  rocks ,   especially  his  heart  and  stomach .    Fuck . . .   help  me .

     He  closes  his  eyes  and  tries  to  enjoy  the  silence ,   sucking  air  into  his  rigid  lungs .    He’s  fine  —  he’s  not  the  one  who  has  panic  attacks  —  he’s  fine .    Tired ,   maybe ,   but  that’s  everyone  these  days  —  he’s  fine .    His  throat  burns ,   and  the  insides  of  his  eyelids  feel  hot .    He  opens  them  and  grinds  his  teeth  together .    Men  don’t  cry ,   not  even  the  faggots .

     It’s  been  too  long ,   and  he  has  to  get  off  the  wall ,   but  inertia  puts  him  in  a  vice ,   like  his  limbs  aren’t  attached  to  his  nervous  system  anymore .    He  needs  to  lie  down ,   but  with  some  effort ,   he  pushes  off  and  rummages  through  the  cupboard  for  a ��glass  before  filling  it  in  the  sink .

     Then ,   he  goes  back  down  to  the  hallway  and  offers  his  most  apologetic  smile ,   which  isn’t  very .    Tweek  has  always  been  the  better  actor  than  him ,   the  reminder  of  which  is  some  slight  comfort .    “ Hey . . .     Sorry ,   I  forgot  where  you  guys  keep  the  glasses ,   but  I’m  back  now . ”    Craig  hands  the  water  off  to  Tweek .    “ Try  drinking  this .    Even  if  it  doesn’t  really  help ,   it’s  still  good  for  you . ”

[muutosarchive]

wired, vein laced eyes glare at craig suspiciously. trust shot, with his nails scraping down worn fabric of trousers. his teeth are grinding, unnoticed, though they gnash almost to the point of being aloud. though, breathing slows as the other young man returns to his place, &. tweek's palm is quick to form around the other's possessively while he tries to rationally think through the request.

it sounded reasonable, though there's still a suspicion reflected clearly in his skeptical expression. form subtly vibrating, though it dulls somewhat. "w-well -- you didn't - fucking say that!" he cringes. a harsh breath blowing through his nostrils. "sorry, i just -- i can't help it, you know." he grimaces, looking down at his lap. yet the grip of his fingers undermine his permission. "just . . . go! - as long as you, -- as long as you come back."

▸   @muutos   ⟶   ❛  ❛  don't you dare leave me!  ❜ tweek to craig  ❜   ╱   (  toxic , accepting .  )

     CRAIG  TRIED  TO   sigh  as  quietly  as  possible  and  suppress  the  movement  of  his  shoulders .    He  forced  his  eyes  open  wider  so  Tweek  wouldn’t  notice  the  heaviness  in  his  lids  when  he  turned  around .    He’s  your  boyfriend ,  you  take  care  of  him .    Craig  wished  he  didn’t  have  to  that  he  could  have  a  moment  of  quiet ,  that  someone  would  take  Tweek  off  his  hands .    A  few  minutes  by  himself  in  the  kitchen  to  get  his  own  head  right  was  all  he  wanted ,  but  that  was  impossible .

     He  turned  around  with  as  neutral  an  expression  as  he  could  manage  with  the  tension  in  his  muscles  and  dark  circles  under  his  eyes  and  walked  back  to  Tweek ,  settling  back  on  the  couch  next  to  him .    Craig  rested  his  hand  over  Tweek’s  smaller ,  pale  one  and  explained ,  “ I  wasn’t  leaving  you .    I  was  gonna  go  get  you  a  glass  of  water  or  something .    I  thought  it  might  help . ”