#𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 . » c. berman — this is how i will love you when the world goes it’s wicked way

[frightesa]

@cstarling

"skip this one." cindy demanded. something about her rotating playlist was normally a comfort she found herself squirming. "i mean, 'it seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things and people tend to pass you over cause you're not standing out'" she mimicked. "he's a felt frog, he's never felt that." cindy tries to laugh but it gets caught in her throat. like it's not quite funny, even to herself. deep down there's a hazy memory of her father singing it in their truck, whistling through the interlude, in the before of her life.

it's not easy bein' green by andrew bird / s.c.

[frightesa]

she doesn't like the worry hannibal. even without looking directly, she can see the furrow of his brow. cindy hated to worry people, collecting pity as if it were as easy as breathing. she nodded. he was always very logical in his pursuits. changing the medication dosage did make the most sense but there is an edge of resistance that she feels. leaning back into the softness of the couch she looked over at him. "i - i - um, need to be able to wake up." she insisted. it was another level of feeling trapped knowing you were having a bad dream but having no way of stopping it. her leg stills. "i don't mean it like that - i just mean that not sleeping is making it worse. i -" she took a deep breath," - feel like it's a regression." she ran a hand through her hair before nodding again. his words are slowly calming her. "i would be open to that too." cindy said after a moment. " i trust you. whatever you think is best."

frown deepens at the admission, and hannibal can't help but to wonder why she had taken so long to tell him. of course, he's aware of her dreams - her nightmares. that's why he had put her on the sleeping pills in the first place, hoping to help her ease her mind so that she might sleep. to no avail, it seems. he's not angry with her, not upset or frustrated, but he wants to help. that's all hannibal has ever wanted to do ; be there for her, comfort her. if anything, he's troubled that he can't seem to do anything to make this right. 'we can change your medication, up your dosage. you must tell me these things, cindy,' he's slow to make his way over to the couch, sitting beside her, shoulder to shoulder, watching her leg bounce for a moment before his gaze moves up to the woman. 'please don't say such things,' his voice is soft yet firm, hands clasping together between his knees, allowing her to fidget and move as much as he wants, though he tries to calm her with his presence. 'there are other techniques we have not tried, things i have learned in my long years as a psychiatrist that could help. you are not a lost cause, cindy. remember that there is hope, even still,'

[frightes-arch]

@poetsung​  starter call

        the sobs tore through her. cindy doesn’t realize she’s crying until there is a gasp for breath. she had held it together through the school day. through the empty kitchen that she knew was held together with empty shelves and rusty pans. the last day of school before a summer where she was supposed to turn her whole life around. cindy felt like the world was caving in on her and she couldn’t hold up the ceiling any longer. when she noticed that ziggy was in the room she brushed away the tears quickly. trying to quiet the weight she felt she was baring.  “ you only really fall apart in front of the people you know can piece you back together. ” she said after a moment. what was unsaid was that those kids at school couldn’t put her back together. she wasn’t even sure sometimes that they knew her - the real her - the way she could exist at home. “ i’m fine though really, i am. ”

[frightesa]

008.

[frightesa]

there's a vacant stare from cindy. she turned her head toward clarice, blinking away the haze. she found it difficult to find the words to explain he connection to hannibal. while she could recognize it as something that stemmed from a traumatic event there was safety there. understanding. after the incident she found herself closed off to the world. trying to explain what that night had been like was insurmountable. she was sure that her life would have turned out much differently without hannibal by her side. "with my life." she said with a quick nod. it was as easy as breathing. "we do look after each other. sometimes hannibal is better at the looking after than i am." she nodded. it wasn't the first time she had heard something like that. "his perception can be unsettling. he says things so definitively. "

perhaps she had done some digging. she shouldn't have - she understands that doing so overstepped her bounds as an fbi agent, and that she wasn't supposed to use such resources for personal agendas - but clarice had wanted to understand how deeply the bond between cindy and hannibal went. her gut was telling her to stay away from the doctor, but cindy claimed that he was a good man, that he had helped her in so many ways. so, clarice looked up their backgrounds. found and read the articles about the nightwing massacre. came to the realization that trauma bonding could bring anyone together. but still, something wasn't right. 'y'really trust him, don't you?' agent questions, folding her hands together as she glances at cindy. was she being paranoid this time, or was there really something off about doctor lecter? would cindy even be able to tell, with how long the two had known each other? 'seems t'care about you. i dunno... there's just somethin' about him that doesn't sit right with me,' @frightes.

[frightesa]

"i didn't mean to scare you." hands are up in a sort of mock defense. but there's an edge of apology in her voice. part of cindy wonders how annette holds it together around the campers, who are often far sneakier than herself. she tilted her head, taking a half step into the nurse's office. while she hadn't spent too much time in here it seemed like ziggy had ended up here more than one. she's most familiar with the doorway, and the pit of panic that lives in her stomach every time she sees her sister sitting on that table. " we got done with dish duty early. there's an overnight trip so -" it's an offering but cindy doesn't know how to bridge that gap. "i'm here if you want help, with the organizing you know, or just the company."

@frightes: “ Hey, do you need some help? ” / accepting.

nurse lane's assistant is perched on a slightly wobbly chair, reaching onto her toes to arrange the less-used supplies on the top shelves. annette doesn't hear the door open, but nearly jumps out of her skin when she hears someone else's voice. a quiet yelp escapes her, nearly dropping the box in her hands. it's cindy berman. a shadysider -- not that it matters, really, since she isn't liked by either group, but something of note. "oh! um -- um, n-no, i ... i'm-m okay, i -- th - than-nk you, th-though ... jus-st ... just org - org-ganiz-zing --"

[frightes-arch]

@bravehery​   ↴  

            plotted starter 

                           her   heart   was   beating   in   her   chest.   not   an   echo   of   the   life   she   would   have   lived   but   something   living   and   breathing   once   again.   cindy   staggers   forward.   she   doesn’t   remember   how   she   got   here.   or   why   it   felt   like   so   long   since   she   had   felt   the   sun   on   her   skin.   lungs   are   unearthed   from   their   lack   of   use   and   she   gasps.   to   reacclimate   with   life   was   a   dance   cindy   had   never   done   before.   in   fact   most   people   hadn’t.   relearning   the   steps   as   she   goes,   hoping   that   people   don’t   notice   that   she   has   already   stepped   on   several   people’s   toes.   she   blinks   and   looks   up.   

                           it’s   ziggy.   but   it’s   not.   she’s   different.   still   has   the   stance   of   her   younger   sister   but   now   there   is   only   an   inch   between   them.   cindy   knows   her   though.   even   if   she   might   not   look   the   same   as   her   memories   there   is   no   question   that   they   are   flesh   and   blood.   cindy   reached   out   to   wrap   the   younger   berman   in   a   hug,   it’s   tight,   and   desperate.   as   if   the   last   time   they   hugged   cindy   hadn’t   been   grateful   enough   for   it.   “   i’ve   missed   you.   ”   she   said.   her   voice   is   quiet,   and   the   brimming   of   tears   is   inevitable.   “   you   were   never   alone   you   know.   i   was   always   right   there.   ”   she   doesn’t   want   to   let   go,   breath   catching   in   her   throat.   “   you’re   almost   as   tall   as   me   now.   ”   she   adds,   a   small   laugh   as   quick   fingers   move   to   wipe   away   the   falling   tears.   “   i   don’t   know   who   let   you   do   that.   ”

[frightesa]

cindy hadn't been sleeping. she hadn't had a full night's sleep since 1978. since ziggy was alive. always restless, turning over the actions of her life, and how she could have fixed them. she doesn't extend herself the grace of being a child. no one ever hold her it wasn't her fault, not really anyway. people begin to talk when they find out that she had put the hatchet into tommy's chest. "not nervous." she settled. cindy sat on the couch but found her leg bouncing instead. energy in her body that she could not contain but also did not know how to release. "i'm - uneasy. i can't keep the dreams away." there's a trace of a smile on her features, but it's sad. as if it's a joke between the two of them. hannibal, if anyone, was going to be the one to understand. he had been with her through it all. one of the first people to ask if she was okay when it ended. cindy never knew how to thank him for that. or how to keep thanking him for his continued support. she would always be indebted to him. "i've tried the sleeping pills but they've just made them vivid. and i find it harder to wake myself from them." she looks up at hannibal, the wounded animal she is. "i'm not sure how much longer i can take it."

( CLOSED STARTER ): CINDY BERMAN. there had always been a need to protect cindy from the world, ever since they were younger. it could be because hannibal felt like an older brother to her, that cindy, as a teenager, reminded him of mischa. such a sad thing, filled with trauma, trying to be prefect, but never quite getting there ( she never would get there ; even hannibal, superiority complex and all, knew it was unachievable ). and after what she had been through - losing her sister to that massacre... she had been spared, back then. she wasn't aware of what he had done, but hannibal had ensured that no physical harm had come to her. he intended to continue keeping her safe, as long as she would let him. ' are you nervous this afternoon? ' hannibal questions. where he would sit down in his normal chair in a more formal session, with her, he usually allows her to settle in before he finds his own place. right now, hannibal is watching his friend pace back and forth. doctor leans against his desk, ankles crossed, calm radiating from him. ' whatever is bothering you, darling, allow me to help with it, ' brows pinch just so, as if he's concerned. ' that's what these sessions are for, after all, ' @herencias.