#𝐂𝐇𝐋𝗢𝗘𝗩𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑: // wake me up before i’m gone. [ chloe & maeve ]

[lookedinfinite]

starter call | @chloevlinder

"not that your dress style isn't incredible, because truly, it is."  words are gently hummed, hands smoothing floral dress despite it fitting perfectly. they rarely get to spend real time together - maeve's phd eating away at her time, chloe busy with the starts of her own life. yet, when they're in the same town, or same apartment… 

it's just nice to have her sister for a little while, to feel like a normal finally-adult.

"I don't know." she's never seen herself as the naturally pretty type, not like chloe. unsure and quiet in her skin, her smarts her one constant. how had mary put it when she was little? if anyone would ever be capable of wishing themselves invisible, it would surely be maeve. "you're sure looks okay on me?"

[lookedinfinite]

@chloevlinder

source

[phdiism]

𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // tag dump: relationships

[lookedinfinite]

starter call | @chloevlinder

if their roles were reversed, maeve knows she'd be three times the worrier chloe is being. which, by itself, is already an incredible achievement. her sister means well: maeve knows that, and she doesn't hold it against other for a second. anniversary of her shooting is hard on both of them for different reasons - chloe left to process so much grief that guilt feels like acid in scientist's stomach. "if you bake anymore, you're going to run out of space." it's a soft tease laced with gentle worry of her own, entering other's kitchen with a glance over disturbingly covered counters. "are you doing a bake sale I didn't hear about?"

[lookedinfinite]

" you're very important to me. " from @chloevlinder

after all this time, it shouldn't be a shock - nor, should it burn and ache in her chest as she does, as if weighed down by some heavy guilt for something yet to come. they aren't truly eternal, no matter how it feels. they last, they survive, they continue... until, of course, they don't. all they once were has long since crumbled in the memories of everyday people, faded from ancient pages like fables or prayers. 

they've been family so very long, and like all families, they have the power to entirely destroy each other. "I know, queenie." the threat of grief is a messy thing, one that sometimes blinds her with the terror of the pain to come. 

still she leans against other for a second, bumping her with her arm, doe eyes glancing up at her. "you're semi-precious to me." she teases. "a solid silver on the scale."

[lookedinfinite]

𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // tag dump: relationships

𝗥𝗘𝐈𝐈𝐆𝗡𝐎𝗡𝐌𝐄: // between the different shades of you.  [ Luke & Maeve ]

𝗥𝗘𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐈𝗕𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐎𝗡𝐒: // a dangerous hope.  [ Hotch & Maeve ]

𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀𝗥𝐈𝐔𝐒𝗩𝐎𝐈𝐓: // change your taste in men.  [ Elias & Maeve ]

𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝗘𝐃𝐒𝐓𝐀𝗥𝐒: // but trauma is immortal and none of this is your fault.  [ Jami & Maeve ]

𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝗘𝐃𝐒𝐓𝐀𝗥𝐒: // but I keep coming back this must be serious.  [ Kiwi & Maeve ]

𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝗘𝐃𝐒𝐓𝐀𝗥𝐒: //  been in pain but not a quitter.  [ Savannah & Maeve ]

𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝗘𝐃𝐒𝐓𝐀𝗥𝐒: // the only thing sure from the start.  [ Jill & Maeve ]

𝗗𝗔𝗡𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗜𝗜𝗦𝗠: // remember the fire remember her face.  [ Carol & Maeve ]

𝗕𝗢𝗧𝗛𝗦𝗜𝗗𝗘𝗦𝗢𝗙𝗔𝗤𝗨𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡: // all those wonders sit in wait.  [ Kurt & Maeve ]

𝐂𝐇𝐋𝗢𝗘𝗩𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑: // wake me up before I’m gone.  [ Chloe & Maeve ]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐆𝐀𝗭𝐄𝐑𝐒: // at my own funeral I don’t recognize myself anymore.  [ Xandra & Maeve ]

𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓: // many moons of waiting on a steady sun.  [ Clara & Maeve ]

𝐘𝐎𝐀𝐊𝐊𝐄𝐌𝐀𝐄: // separation’s all that can save us love.  [ Spencer & Maeve ]

𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐈𝐒𝐌: // I need you to tell me I’m worthy.  [ Ray & Maeve ]

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐃𝐏𝐀𝗦𝗧: // it's not the life you thought you'd live.  [ Peter & Maeve ]

𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐀𝗧𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐒: // if you’re lonely can’t you speak love.  [ Felix & Maeve ]

𝐑𝐎𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐓 𝐏𝐔𝐓𝐍𝐀𝐌: // the touch of his hands were as cold as his eyes.  [ Bobby & Maeve ]

𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝗘𝐃𝐒𝐓𝐀𝗥𝐒: // it's like I heard your heartbeat call.  [ Bethany Elliott ]

𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝗘𝐃𝐒𝐓𝐀𝗥𝐒: // give my soul just to see your face.  [ Oliver Elliott ]

𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐑 𝐑𝐄𝐈𝗗: // I'm a long way from home now.  [ Spencer & Maeve ]

𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐂𝐇𝗙𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆: // between comfort and chaos.  [ Ruby & Maeve ]

𝐒𝐇𝐑𝗙𝐋𝐀𝐖 // let me in the river.  [ Law & Maeve ]

[lookedinfinite]

" i just want to make sure you're okay. " from @chloevlinder

they worry about each other so much, maybe too much, and yet who else is there to do it? a thankless, endless job that requires too much effort and heart for most of the world to ever bother. they're both complicated creatures - hard, in their own ways, to ever properly learn how to navigate. again a thing that too many have labelled a flaw: chloe so vibrant, so charming it's hard for some to imagine her ever faltering.

maeve so silent, so sharp, it's hard for some to imagine how deeply she feels.

"I'm always fine." still teen moves on couch, shuffling to make space for sister, holding blanket up a little in offering. "for real, I promise. it's nice to be back even if mary is..." suffocating. "how are you? it feels with uni and everything I've barely spoken to you like we used to." christmas break is as good a reason as any, even if she feels bad about own absence.

[lookedinfinite]

🍎 go apple-picking from @chloevlinder

it was, by now, a yearly tradition. no matter how old they got - no matter where their lives were based or what filled their time. it was one of the only days through the year that was truly entirely theirs: a tradition that held far more weight than it should have. yet smile came to lips, pulling jacket around herself tighter and simply focussing on the crunching of leaves beneath her boots.

out here, at least, unlike the halls at university... it felt good to be nobody but them.

"what do you reckon, clo? I'll make those apple pancakes you used to love, you make the apple flapjacks?" fingers brush along wide stem of nearby tree, simply focussed on the texture. "we haven't decorated a pie together in years."

[lookedinfinite]

starting one is an interesting thought. one that briefly lingers in her mind like choking on it, struggling to wrap around it. she's never been permanent - and some part of her fears she never shall be. but with chloe it's the closest she has ever come: as if frozen in the heartbeat where tide && shore are the same thing, clinging to each other. "it'll all become clear as we work out what we love and want to do." though most of her future feels already planned - or, at least, the fact she'll be going into genetics like mary is has already been decided. "what do you think you'll want to be?"

"Yeah. We can always become a part of an organisation or start one. That feels like something that we could do." Chloe could just picture it now, ever the optimist just with practical tendencies too. Scientist in her eternally reaching for the stars, for the unknown, for furthering knowledge far into the beyond if possible. She knows though that it's likely their discoveries will be small, but that doesn't mean that their hearts and their aims couldn't be. "I'm sure there are lots of advocacy groups out there. We can change the world that way. One step at a time, keep out of the messiness of politics at least a little bit, right?"

[lookedinfinite]

" it's not as bad as it looks. " from @chloevlinder

panic crosses features - a subtle storm over usual calmness, her usual ability to keep her worries and her thoughts far from the surface. she knows how to hide everything... until, of course, love gets involved. and what greater love is there than that for a sister? so maeve makes no effort to stop herself from stepping closer, centuries of history around her throat like a noose as her hands move to gently shift other's head, to get better look.

it's a moment they've dreaded for so long. a moment where it's made clear which of them will be left without the other.

"you're not healing?" her voice is soft, tender, like a child taking in a reality they could never be prepared for. not now. not yet. "how long? how long have you been..." mortal "injured for?"

[lookedinfinite]

" you can tell me anything. " from @chloevlinder

she gave her sister keys for a reason, maeve is sure about that, and yet there are times she forgets. it's hard: to sew together the parts of herself who have spent a lifetime being alone, being solely dependent on herself... and the parts where she does have a family in the form of other woman. they're not little girls anymore. mary would surely find it pathetic, a weakness not worthy of her intelligence.

yet chloe is her sister above all else, just lifting duvet to let other lie with her under the safety of cover.

as children, they used to speak like hours like this. where a barely audible whisper could be heard, where there was no world but them. just the light seeping through green bedding and just a world of their own. "I called off the engagement." maeve murmurs in the end, putting her head on other's shoulder. "I really... I really wanted it to work. to just once be normal."

[lookedinfinite]

maybe existing was some sort of cosmic error. it so often feels that way: like someone screwed up some paperwork and she was put in a life that she shouldn't have been. a clerical error where first a merav delman was born, then mera donovan was adopted, and now it's just maeve donovan constantly suffocating on dry land. she is made up of a thousand scraps - a quilt sewn together of parts maybe meant to be other people. her intelligence doesn't match how much she cares, how deeply she feels, how much she sees. she is made of parts that only hurt each other.

"I trust you. you're not going to do anything you think I won't like." her lips curve, words genuine. chloe has her back, she might be the only person who entirely does. and sometimes she feels the tug to her heart telling her she needs to remind sister that despite all maeve's walls... she does her best to keep a door open for her. "and I always dress nicely, how very dare you."

Chloe knows how uneasy Maeve feels in her skin. Sees how she would rather be air than flesh and bone, easily shifts and moves while Maeve...She loves her. She truly loves her. Sometimes she wishes Maeve could see herself as Chloe does, full of bright potential that could go anywhere she wanted to go, not where other people wanted her to. If Chloe could find the strings, she would gladly cut Maeve free, but she can't so all she can do is be there for her and hope that one day Maeve can realise just how marvellous and powerful she is.

She at least gives her a soft little smile and chuckles. "Not extreme!" She replies, the look on her face both warm and warning as she goes over to her dressing table. "Plus, I'll let you decide how you want her make up. We really don't have to go too overboard. You just deserve to dress nice, and I like helping you."

[lookedinfinite]

if it was a true option, if she could crawl free of her skin and become someone new, someone better... would maeve ever be able to turn that down? hiding herself behind her smarts is a skill she's had hammered into her nature - to the point she wonders if even chloe has a true full image of her. does maeve herself? sometimes she can't help but fear that she'll always be a stranger to herself, that it's how it has to be or she'll find something horrific in her skin.

why else would so many families have returned her?

"a braid it is. but I will have to take you up on that. you know I'm terrible at everything but buns and ponytails." she smiles all the same, tone teasing as she scrunches her nose in half thought. "as if I'd steal your opportunity to go all out. I know how much you love an extreme makeover."

They are both made of such kindred stardust - full of hope and dreams and a love that the world perhaps hasn't earned. Even if Maeve's shine can appear more distant, it doesn't change the fact that they find so much comfort in how much they are alike. She loves her truly, without any doubt or hesitation. She hopes so much for Maeve, if mostly for her to find some peace. To find more people who deem her enough just as she is, not who she could be in the eyes of selfish beholders.

"I think a braid would suit you. I could help you if you like. We could do just the one, or two on the side like a crown, ending in a knot at the back," Chloe replies, musing. She loves these moments of softness with her sister more than anything in the entire universe. "I have some accessories that would fit, too. Just some pins to put it all together but I can show them to you before you decide."

[lookedinfinite]

what would they become with any kind of power? the kind never meant for anyone, never mind children. maeve wanted to believe they would stay themselves, that they would keep on doing good and being good and believing in good. but that wasn't a sentiment that life truly every backed up:  foster care had shown her the worst of humanity - and chloe had endured the very worst of grief and loss. which was worse?  to never be loved at all than be loved and lose it all?  "we'll work it out. we're clever enough to find a way to make it happen." if anyone could, it was chloe. and they were still young enough that maeve could cling to the belief that family, true family, would keep finding ways to work together. "politics doesn't really sound like us, to be honest. we'll find our ways. and politics wouldn't even let us properly work together, so who would want that? we're a team."

"Yeah, I think we would be able to survive for about an hour before the lack of conscience in favour of money and power frustrates us so much that we quit. Or worse, we turn into them." Chloe pulled a face. She despised the idea. Politics really just seemed to be a case of compromising on morality in able to further your goals. She could never do that, nor could @lookedinfinite. They would far prefer their independence and their brilliance powering them through, and she smiled when Maeve concurs. "Oh, without question." Her smile turned brighter. "Caring means that we get to put goodness into the universe. It might come back to us. In a just world it would, but even if it doesn't come back to us, it means that we're doing something. And I'm sure we'll be able to find ways to effect change for lots of people without having to deal with too much politics, right?"

[lookedinfinite]

why is it, after all this time, still so hard to be loved?  for all her seeking it... maeve has always shown extraordinary skill for self destructing through the illusion of affection. bad choices like bobby, like years of trying to be enough for mary, they haunt her in the echoes that make her so uncomfortable in her skin. small smile comes - an attempt at reassurance even as she glances over the ocean of baked goods sister has created. "that's really sweet of you, chlo. you don't need to worry, I do eat." sometimes. occasionally. "is there anything you want me to help... package? clean up?"

Chloe looks up at her, hair trussed up into a bun. The apron she's wearing must have about three different types of flour and five different colours and flavours of icing on it. She tries not to get overprotective of her sister, or clingy, around this time of year, when scars feel like they reopened. But it doesn't stop the thoughts, the worries, the perpetual sense of loneliness. "Couldn't sleep," she chuckles shyly. "I'm taking some to work, but you have quiches and bread to take home. I made them just for you."

[lookedinfinite]

it is nice to not be so alone - and whilst, like stars, there is a vast distance between their lights at times... maeve takes such great comfort even just in the knowledge of chloe's presence. there is nothing she wishes for more than for sister to thrive, the same love that had her convincing adoptive parents that other needed the same opportunity she'd been given by them. a second chance at permanence, something chloe in truth always seemed better suited at than maeve was.

"thank you. it'll be perfect." how can she turn down something so sweet? something intended simply to show love, to show affection. "really, clo. I'm lucky to have you around." who else has ever put such effort into getting maeve to uncurl, to hesitantly lower protective defences? "how shall I do my hair? you're the stylish one."

Spring eternal, Chloe has always seen the beauty and the wonder and the life in everything despite it all. She unapologetically includes Maeve in that, sister dearer to her than most other things. Who else could she depend on than her, in any way she needed. The reverse would always, eternally be true. Chloe would drop everything and move the mountains and the sea and the sky, stars and moon and sun included, if it were to help Maeve even one little bit.

And that includes getting her to wear lovely things as she deserves. "It looks beautiful on you, Maeve. It suits you to the bone, I think, but you don't have to have it if you're not sure. I just thought it would be nice for you. For the summer. The summers can be so warm, and it's so light and airy." She may have bought one for herself too, in a different print. She has always liked matching with her sister.