#���듯

[mea-clara-lux]

Nigelio

[grlfriends]

9 years of gfriend. passionfruit by nmixx dropping. intense morning to be me

[sportscom]

치앙마이 흰색 사원 방문| 숨 막힐 듯 아름다운 풍경과 주차 전쟁 | 치앙마이, 왓 롱쿤, 여행 후기, 주차 팁

치앙마이 흰색 사원 방문 | 숨 막힐 듯 아름다운 풍경과 주차 전쟁 | 치앙마이, 왓 롱쿤, 여행 후기, 주차 팁 태국 치앙마이의 왓 롱쿤, 흔히 흰색 사원으로 불리는 이 곳은 눈부신 하얀색으로 장식된 건��물과 ��려한 조각들로 가득한 곳입니다. 마치 동화 속 세상에 들어온 듯한 착각을 불러일으키는 압도적인 아름다움은 잊지 못할 감동을 선사합니다. 하지만 이 아름다움 뒤에는 숨겨진 어려움도 있습니다. 바로 주차 전쟁입니다. 흰색 사원은 인기 관광 명소인 만큼 많은 관광객들이 찾아오는데, 주차 공간은 한정되어 있어 주차를 위해 긴 시간 기다려야 할 수도 있습니다. 특히 성수기에는 더욱더 심각합니다. 이 글에서는 흰색 사원을 방문했을 때 겪었던 눈부신 아름다움과 주차 전쟁에 대한 경험을 공유하고, 여러분의…

[reinemichele]

Just like that, ah Wait for me From now on, ah I'll come pick you up More than anyone else, you're my heaven Definitely, every time... This love story is getting tiring Spinning without making any progress A racing game to catch you A burning love story Don't stop, it's not over yet You're the energy that fills me up If I wanna, I can run away, without a trace Break down the wall and just overcome it Just keep moving and moving forward A resounding roar Like I'm trying to steal your body I'll hold on and won't let go I'll make it right now

[junjiie]

hi i just wanted to let you know that i’m very obsessed with ultimate bliss by onlyoneof bc of your new years post like omg…

NO EXACTLYYY its one of their best i fear.. how did they eat that bad. 흐드러져 피는 꽃 so 달콤히. it’s so You too like omg

[star-shorts365]

[스타 쇼츠 ] 고원희 항공사 모델 맞춤옷을 입은 듯 유니폼이 몸에 착 감기는 느낌#스타쇼츠 #shorts #short #스레드...

[babyleostuff]

[ 💿 ] . . . TAPE 8

오늘 날씬 너를 많이 닮아 / 너에게 가는 길은 꽃길이 되고 / 보일 듯 말 듯한 니 맘 보인다면 / 온몸이 간질간질 두근두근 / 이 기분은 뭐야 어떡해

☁️ "aju nice" by seventeen

being loved by lee seokmin means having a soulmate. he's a hopeless romantic through and through, and even though he's rather rational and realised that soulmates most likely only existed in literature and movies, the moment he met you he quickly understood that they really existed. all he has to do is think about you and his heart is filled with this unconditional and pure love that he knows he will have for you for the rest of his life, no matter how it turns out. he is the person who understands you without words, he is the person who knows you like the back of his hand, he is the person who knows exactly what you need and when you need it. when you are happy, he is happy. when you are sad, he is sad. a true definition of a soulmate.

being loved by lee seokmin means having your personal ray of sunshine. his energy and positivity is infectious to everyone around him and it's almost impossible to be down when he’s around. that's why his presence always helps you through difficult times, not only because of his soothing touch, gentle kisses and words of comfort, but because of his energy. seokmin often doesn't even realise how his mere presence influences you, how it makes you smile despite a tough day - sometimes him just being there for you means more than any words of comfort could convey - his presence is enough to help you cope with a difficult day. seokmin is your ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.

being loved by lee seokmin means having a mini koala who would love to cling to you 24/7. i don't think it's necessary to mention what a cuddly and affectionate person seokmin is, but it's worth mentioning that when it comes to you, the affection should be multiplied by at least ten. he loves physical touch, this is one of the ways to show how much he cares about the people around him, so looking at how much he loves you, it's safe to say that if he could, he would cling to you and follow you everywhere (which definitely happens on your days off). but, despite this, he always knows when you need some space or when you're just not in the mood for physical touch, so his affections are never overwhelming or overbearing.

being loved by lee seokmin feels like a sunny day, like the laughter of children playing on the playground, like the smell of coffee or tea in the morning, like life waking up after winter.

“if you live to be a hundred, i want to live to be a hundred minus one day so i never have to live without you.”  - joan powers, pooh's little instruction book

taglist (if you want to be added, check my masterlist): @jeonghansshitester @weird-bookworm @sea-moon-star @hanniehaee @wonwooz1 @byprettymar @edgaralienpoe @staranghae @itza-meee @eightlightstar @immabecreepin @whatsgyud @hyneyedfiz @honestlydopetree @vicehectic @dkswife @uniq-tastic @marisblogg @aaniag @daegutowns @carlesscat-thinklogic23 @embrace-themagic @ohmyhuenings @nidda13 @hrts4hanniehae @k-drama-adict @isabellah29 @f4iryjjosh @bangantokchy @mrswonwooo @bangtancultsposts @lllucere @athanasiasakura @onlyyjeonghan @haecien @caramyisabitchforsvtandbts @hannahhbahng @valgracia @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @mirxzii @hhusbuds @wonranghaeee @rosiesauriostuff @gyuguys @tomodachiii @veryfabday @lilmochiandsuga @asasilentreader @mrsnervous @bewoyewo @sharonxdevi @wondipity @gyuguys @raginghellfire @treehouse-mouse @waldau @wonootnoot @hellodefthings @dokyeomkyeom @sourkimchi @bbysnw @hoichi02 @aaa-sia @haneulparadx @minvrsev @zozojella @wonootnoot @kimingyuslover @wntrei

[fresh-tomatogogi]

busy as hell→ just busy = life is good beautiful wonderful

사실 라이프이즈 굳이 아니라 무저갱 지옥이 따로없음 뻥이고 그래도 살만하다 굳 굳 왜냐? ㅋㅋㅎㅎㅎ 요즘 덕질은 전혀 못하는데 들려오는 소식들이 아주 달다

일단 한강 노벨상 수상 당장 기립박수 사실 예상했어 걍 언젠가 수상하지 않을까 뭔가 당연하게 생각하고 있었다고 기사보자마자 기숙사에서 소리질렀잖아 하............... 내 한강 컬렉션이 보고싶어서 11월에 집갈 계획 중...... 개인적인 한강 top3 1.검은사슴 2.회복하는 인간 3. 바람이 분다, 가라

내년에 신작 내신다고함............ㅎㅎㅎㅎ ㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎ먼일이냐 이게 하하 읽을 복이 터진 듯

그리고 얼마전에 야만인을 기다리며를 읽었는데........아.... 글로 적기도 부끄럽다

[kissunoo]

yeah i brought the heat back ! 🍣 🍙

데일 듯, hotter, hotter, 거친 madness 갈수록 stronger, stronger

[nightmare-niko]

Selfish Waltz [Bang Chan x reader]

warnings: toxic! Ish relationship, over working, fighting, angst

A/n: I know I said I was gonna write a Jake fic next and I am!! That one’s on the way! I just couldn’t get this idea out of my mind so… here u go!!

Yeah, 아무것도 아니란 듯 그저 우리는 춤을 추며 밤을 보내고 Yeah, 억지스러운 손짓에 뻔한 춤사위 다음 step은 무의미한걸 Yeah, 달아오를 것 하나 없어, 이 무도회는 무미건조 Yeah, 맹목적으로 오늘도 또 반복해, 매번 똑같아 우리만의

Copying or translating my writing is not allowed. If you see my work on another site it is stolen. Reblogs are appreciated and encouraged.

Yet another long tiring day at work without a word from your boyfriend. It didn't bother you much anymore, honestly. Back when It had first started when the ‘honeymoon’ phase ended-- You'd beg for any kind of acknowledgment. you'd tell Chris that you didn't even need a conversation— just to know that he was okay. But these days you do not even bother. He didn't text, neither did you. It was the new normal.

You pulled your car into your parking spot in your apartment's parking garage. Chris’ car was in his assigned spot right next to yours, he was home early. You'd been spending so much time at your studio-- it was always dark when you came home. But it was usually passed midnight when Chris would come through the door.

When he started picking up work on the weekends— you did too. No point going crazy in an empty apartment when you could get so much work done.

You sigh to yourself as the hum of your car drowns out. the slow dread creeping into you. You honestly can't remember the last time you and Chris had an actual conversation. Or the last time you had a date night, or slept together-- you'd fallen too used to the routine. as if it meant nothing. the fact the man you loved couldn't even give you the time of day meant… nothing.

You check the clock, 9:45 pm. If you were lucky - Chan would be in his home studio working. He won't notice the bags under your eyes — or how you look like the walking dead. if he could overwork himself— so could you. Maybe you worked so well because of your shared stubborn, and unhealthy hard work ethic. Silence ate away at you as you used the elevator to your floor. Your heart pounded erratically as you entered the Keycode to your door. The entrance light was flicked on and Chris’ belongings Were Scattered around the area. You cursed at him under your breath for not putting his things away. you kick them out of the way as you take off your shoes, bag, and jacket and put them in the proper spot.

"You're home late, I didn't realize you changed your hours." You freeze as you come Face to face with Chris. Damnit.

You stammer awkwardly, "Well I didn't, I just kind of stay as long as I feel like staying.” You walk around him and into the Kitchen.

Chris Follows you, "Still you never stay this late.”

You sigh, enthusiastically opening the Fridge and looking into it. I've been coming home this late for months Chris. you're just never home to notice.”

“oh c'mon baby, don't be like that. You know the kids, and I are busy working on our comeback.”

You close the fridge empty-handed. "I'm not being like anything. You're busy, I am too. It's not that big of a deal." You avoid his gaze, electing to give up on your search for food.

“You look tired,"

You Sigh, again. “I am tired. I had a long day." You try to get around him for a second time, but he stops you.

"Have you been taking care of yourself?"

Your already thin patience is beginning to grow thinner. "I don't know, Chris, have I?" You feel yourself beginning to crack. "You're gone when I wake up and you come home when I'm asleep. Ask me that when you start taking care of yourself." You push by him before any more harsh words get thrown at him.

You don't expect him to follow you, today's short outburst will most likely be completely Ignored by Chris — Just as all of your other ones have. You enter the bathroom for a well-needed shower. Your muscles ached and screamed from the dance you worked so hard on choreographing For your YouTube channel. You'd been putting your all into it ever since your boyfriend Started coming home late. Maybe Chris was right, you hadn't really been taking care of yourself. But that didn't matter, You had to finish your project.

Steam billowed from your bathroom door as you made your way to your room For bed.

You hadn't even noticed your boyfriend on your shared bed until you turned around after putting on your pajamas.

The room is silent as you do your Skincare. Your mind, however, is far from it. You didn't understand why you two had ended up like this. Even on his busiest and hardest days before - he'd never go a whole day without texting you - or telling you about his day and how much he missed you.

Maybe he was seeing someone behind your back...

No - nothing about any of his recent behavior leads you to sincerely believe that.

Maybe he just doesn't love you anymore.

But if that was the case why hasn't he just left?

You catch a stray tear falling down your cheek. You can't cry- there's no use.

•

You wake once again to an empty bed. The sheets beside you are cold, he probably left before sunrise. You pat around on your nightstand for your phone to check the time. Damn - you had overslept. Slowly, you got out of bed. No use wasting the whole day. Maybe you'd treat yourself to a coffee at your favorite café-- Chris’ favorite café. After getting dressed, you packed your backpack for work. Since you had gotten a late start you'd have to compensate by staying later. Right as you go to leave, your phone begins to ring- ‘Channie🤍’ lights up your phone screen, along with a picture of your boyfriend and his adorable dog Berry. you consider ignoring the call completely, but you can't bring yourself to. You answer the call,

“Hello?”

"Hey..." his voice is small, “didn't think you'd answer.”

You swear you hear your heart crack. "I'll always answer when you call, channie. What's wrong?”

“Nothing, I just…”

"Just what? Chris?”

There's a beat of silence before he continues, “Just wanted to hear your voice.”

You laugh softly, and for a moment, it feels like you haven't been icing each other out for the past few months. “Well here I am, I'm leaving for work, though. I'm staying late so don't wait ор, okay?”

"Later than yesterday??" His concern is noticeable, even through the phone.

"I don't know… maybe?” Oh, here he goes “why?”

"I just missed you, that's all… Hey, maybe we can do something together this weekend?”

“We’ll see Chris— I have to go now though.”

“Okay…” There’s silence on the line for a moment "I love you, always.”

"I love you too, Chris, always.” You hesitate to hang up but eventually bring yourself to hit the red button. The line goes dead and you let out a shaky breath.

It's a little past midnight when you come home. You're surprised to see Chan waiting for you in the living room. "I thought I told you not to wait.”

He ignores your statement, “Did you eat?”

the question stuns you, "Yeah-" You lied a little you had a snack during lunchtime and some coffee.

He gets up off of the sofa with a disappointed look on his face, “You need to eat baby. You are a dancer, you need energy.”

You scoff, "Why are you talking to me like I don't say this all the time for you to just ignore me?"

"c mon. Y/N, that's different.”

"How exactly? I want you to explain to me how this" You gesture between the two of you— ”Is different than what you did not even six months ago?? How is it when you're busy I have no right to show my concern but when I'm busy you get on my ass??" You feel your blood start to boil.

"Baby please-"

"It's like we have on good streak and then you're back to Ignoring me-- I'm sick of it Christopher. you haven't kissed me in weeks, we haven't done out in almost a year— I mean you don't even touch me anymore, Chris! If you want to break up with me just do it! I'm sick of this stupid dance we're doing!" Tears begin to pool, in your eyes.

He takes a step towards you, “Baby no— I don't— I'd *never. I'd never even think about breaking up with you. I love you.”

You throw your hands up in defeat. "Then I don't know what to do anymore Chris." Your voice cracks pathetically as you try your hardest to not sob. “This morning was the first time you've said it in months! What else am I supposed to think?!"

“I know-- I know and I'm sorry." He pulls you into him, "But please don't hurt yourself because of me. you need rest. proper rest.” Chan wipes your tears with his thumb. "I'll do better. I promise will. But you have to promise me that you'll Stop overworking yourself. I will too - for you, for us.”

Your vision is blurred From Your tears. “You promise?” You choke out.

"Promise,” he nods. patting your head calmingly. "How about I make you something and then we can go to bad? then tomorrow, I'm all yours.”

You nod gently. Chan takes your hand and leads you into the kitchen. He lifts you up to sit on the counter. You watch him lovingly as he prepares food for you. You eat together in the calm of your Kitchen, you honestly feel like you're dreaming.

When the two of you settle into bed together he holds you tightly. for the first time in months-- he holds you as you slip away into Slumber.

.

When you open your eyes, the sun abusing your poor eyes, Chris’ side of the bed is empty and cold.

You should have known better than that.

Tag list (If you want to be added just comment!)

@chmpgneprblem

@qoopeeya

@sleepysongbirdsings

@magicalcowboyarbiter

@tadpoleteef

@stayceebs97

[romancefranaticstay]

☆.｡.:* Neighbor ☆.｡.:*

Neighbor!Jeongin x fem!reader

Category: fluff ❤

Warnings: ♥ None ♥ (but... maybe a little smut towards the end)

Note: A short story about some neighbor fluff, very romantic (in mine opinion), i hope you enjoy!

Xoxo

Rachel

You were wearing headphone's, jumping around with your music.

"I bring, I bring all the Drama-ma-ma-ma (hey, hey) I bring drama-ma-ma-ma (hey, hey) With my girls in the back"

You singed, making some little dance move's.

'나로 시작되는 drama (all that)'

You were heading towards your house when you saw a moving van. That's weird, you didn't move, did you? You snuck a little closer and saw a new family moving into the house next door.

You saw two people standing there, they were probably a couple. They looked quite old, maybe they had children. Oh! That would be so nice, to finally have friends in your neighborhood.

You went inside and grabbed a snack from the fridge. You didn't have much to do before school tomorrow, so you could finally get some rest and enjoy these beautiful spring days.

─── ❤ ── დ ── ❤ ───── ❤ ── დ ── ❤ ────── ❤ ── დ ── ❤

Eventually you started to get bored in your room. You went downstairs to your garden. Your garden was so beautiful, because all the sunlight always shone in your garden.

Beautiful, but a few clouds in the sky. The trees glistened in the sunlight, everything looked more beautiful than usual. Suddenly you heard a voice.

'안녕하세요, Hey.'

You looked around to see where the voice came from. You looked to your right and saw a boy leaning against the gate of your garden. He had black hair that fell slightly over his eyes.

"Hey."

"Do you live here?"

'No, I'm just sitting in their garden, sorry, I'm being sarcastic again. Yes, I live here.'

"So you're my new neighbor?"

'Ahh, so you are our new neighbors, welcome to the neighborhood by the way. It's very quiet here, so you're going to love it here.'

"I'm sure I'll like it here." he said under his breath.

"So, what are you doing?"

"I was actually listening to music."

'Can I listen in?'

"Of course, come."

He carefully opened the gate and approached you. When he came closer, you could observe his face better. He was actually very beautiful. He calmly took the headphones from your head and placed them near his ears.

"I know this song!"

'Really? What's it called then?'

'Let me think...

I'm a 퀸카 I'm a 퀸카 I'm a, I'm a, I'm a 퀸카 I'm a 퀸카 "

he started to sing. You laughed, he could actually sing very nicely.

"So you know it."

'Of course I know. Can I show you some songs?'

"Sure, go ahead."

He grabbed your phone and started typing something on Spotify. You recognized the lyrics immediately.

“Ahh, BTS run.

손 뻗어봤자 금세 깨버릴 꿈 (꿈, 꿈) 미칠 듯 달려도 또 제자리일 뿐 (뿐, 뿐)

그냥 날 태워줘, 그래, �� 밀쳐 내줘 이건 사랑에 미친 멍청이의 뜀박질 ..."

You both started laughing.

"Actually, I should be helping my parents, so... I'll see you later?"

'Yep, ofcourse.'

He waved and went out of sight. Finally someone to be friends with, or so you thought...

─── ❤ ── დ ── ❤ ───── ❤ ── დ ── ❤ ────── ❤ ── დ ── ❤

Every day you learned something new about him. He had a big brother and a little brother. He likes his personal space and he has some different tastes in music. His favorite colors are also Coral and Teal. He also has a lot of passion for music.

He told something about his friends, it doesn't mean that he has moved that he has to change schools. You've already heard of someone named Seungmin and Changbin. They sound very funny. He is the youngest of his group of friends.

You sat with him in his room, you lay on his bed.

"You know, I'd love to build a time machine and go back to the '90s."

'How so?' Jeongin asked.

"I just want to see how everything works there."

'Do you like the 90s concept?'

'Yes of course! The hair, the clothing style, the stuff, wow.'

'Yes, that's possible.'

'Which era do you find most interesting?'

'I don't really know, maybe just this time, because we live in the moment now. We live now and not in the past. We will never be able to live in the past, so why compare this time to the others?"

“Wow, very poetic Jeongin.”

'Am I wrong?'

"No, in a strange way it all makes a lot of sense."

"Let's change the subject."

"Okay sure, what do you want to talk about?"

'Maybe about love? Do you believe in soulmates?'

'Me? I don't know, sometimes I feel like there's one person for everyone. But sometimes I think that certain people just fit together because of certain interests. And you?'

'I don't know, I think so. I want to live with the idea that there is someone for me, who suits me exactly. Okay, maybe not exactly, but still.' 'Yes..'

"You know, this might sound really weird, but maybe I can try out my flirting techniques on you?"

"Sure, but don't think it'll work."

'Bet?'

"Okay bet."

He came next to you on the bed. He grabbed your hand with one hand and caressed your cheeks with the other.

"Do you think that'll work?"

"Shh, I wasn't ready yet."

He breathed deeply and started looking into your eyes.

“You always look like an angel Y/N.”

'Am I an angel? More like a devil.'

He rolled his eyes and turned back to you. He looked from your eyes to your lips and vice versa. He touched your lips with his thumb, your heart skipped a beat.

“These lips Y/N, these lips, the most beautiful thing.”

You couldn't say anything anymore, what could you say? Your hands slid to his hands. Even though he was so confident, his hands were a bit sweaty.

His face moved closer to yours and... he kissed your cheek softly.

'And? Good flirting techniques?' he says as you still hold his hands.

You cleared your throat.

'Yes, quite good, yes, I have heard better.'

'Are you sure?'

'Sure.' you avoided eye contact.

He turned your face so you were looking at him.

'A bad liar.'

Suddenly he pinned you down on the bed.

'And now?'

'Hmmm, it could be better.'

His eyes fell on your neck, he grinned. His mouth came closer to your neck, so close that you felt his warm breath on your so sensitive skin. His tongue made small circles on your neck, leaving small bites.

'And now?'

'It's better already.'

"I can always make it better."

His face came closer to yours, so close that you were about to kiss, but he only kissed your forehead.

Your puppy dog ​​eyes looked up at him. You wanted more... but not in a bad way. He wanted to leave again, but you didn't just let him go. You grabbed his face and pressed your lips together.

His eyes went wide, but he didn't back down. When your lips parted again, he just stared at you in surprise.

"How about that?" you said with a very big grin on your face.

You got up and went to his door.

“This was fun, I'll see you tomorrow. Same hour.”

You wanted to open the door but he stopped you.

"Do you think you'll leave now?"

He kissed you again and pushed you against the door a little. You felt his hands over your body, it couldn't be more romantic.

You looked down and saw that the bulge in his pants was big. He saw what you were looking at.

"Are you going to help me with this?"

'With pleasure.'

You said, leaving small kisses on his face.

─── ❤ ── დ ── ❤ ───── ❤ ── დ ── ❤ ────── ❤ ── დ ── ❤

[eundoh]

1. 오후에 약속이 있으면 오전에 꼭 반차를 쓰게 된다. 도노를 오래 혼자 둘 수 없기에…

2. 선물 받은 마고 머그를 요즘 자주 쓴다. 손에 집히는 감이 마음에 든다. 저런 모양새로 하나 만들어볼까 생각 중.

3. 시작부터 끝까지 오랜만에 봐도 너무 좋다는 말로 장식된 어느 하루. 소중한 친구의 결혼 소식 또 누군가의 속마음 또 누군가의 경청 그렇게 한 해의 사연들이 쌓이는 연말.

4. 한낮의 시간이, 해가 있는 만남이 좋다. 점점 낮이 짧아지지만 그래도 낮이 없는 건 아니니. 이런 찰나를 향유할 수 있다는 게 좋아. 맛있던 애플 플로터. 하나밖에 남지 않은 애플 플로터를 나에게 양보해 준 또 좋은 사람.

5. 중성화 수술을 예약했다. 이번 달 나의 가장 큰 대소사는 도노의 수술 아닐까. 부서질 듯 마르고 작았던 아기였는데 어느새 나를 밟고 지나갈 때면 윽 무거워 소리가 절로 나온다지. 귀여운 푸짐떼기 도노.

[keemzi]

잔혹한 계절이 가고.

낙엽이 붉게 진 거리를 걸으며 멍하니 거리를 바라보다가 어느 골목길 어귀를 지날 때, 문득 당신이 보고싶어졌더랍니다.

당신의 얼굴을 떠올리려 애를 썼지만 더이상 기억이나지 않았습니다.

그렇게 기억은 소멸하고 마는 걸까요. 그런 날이 오고야 말았습니다.

당신의 눈코입은 기억 나지 않아도 기억하는 것들은 분명 있습니다.

몇해 전, 붉은 나무가 커다랗게 보였던 비상구 계단에 앉아 몰래 담배를 피우던 당신. 우연히 마주친 나에게 앉아보라는 손짓과 함께 피우던 담배를 등뒤로 숨기던 기억이 선명합니다. 그때 제게 낙엽이 진 나무를 보러 가자고 한 적이 있었죠. 당신이 무심코 던진 서글픈 말에 저는 관심도 없었던 가을의 나무를 아끼게 되었습니다.

잘 지내시나요?

저는 그럭저럭 지냅니다.

하루가 왜 그렇게 빨리 흘러가는 건지. 매일이 마치 타입랩스 한 편을 본 것 같은 기분입니다.

특별할 것도 없고, 유난히 기쁘거나 슬프진 않아요. 감정이 가끔 눈치 없이 기승을 부리곤 하지만 그럴 때 마다 더 잘 살아 갈 거라고 스스로를 다독이는 수 밖에 없습니다. 인생이 다 그렇듯 굴곡도 있고 올곧게도 흘러가곤 하니까.

이 곳으로 온 것도 내 선택, 구렁텅이 같은 슬픔에 빠져든 것도 내 선택, 모든 것들은 내 선택이었으니까요.

어쩌면 그 선택에 응당한 벌을 받고 있는 걸지도 모르겠습니다.

나는 삶을 제대로 둘러 본 적 없는 사람이라, 조금만 고개를 돌려도 새로움을 마주하는 기분으로 살아간 적이 있었습니다.

그 새로움을 알던 나인데, 예전만큼 제가 가진 삶의 모든 일들이 새롭게 느껴지지 않았습니다. 꿈이 없고, 걱정이 늘었으며 그나마 지푸라기처럼 쥐고 살았던 사랑 마저 잃어버렸던. 위태로운 시간이 있었습니다.

그 끝에 저는 사람에게 쉽게 싫증을 내고 상황에 못견뎌하는 나약한 사람이 되었습니다. 친절을 혐오하는 편협한 관계들이 싫어서, 아무런 설명도 없이 떠나버리는 사람들이 싫어서였습니다. 저는 그들을 정말 아끼고 오래도록 기다렸거든요.

그 사실을 견디지 못하고서 도망치려다가도 종종 실패해요.

그렇게 실패를 겪고 나면 그저 온 몸에 힘을 빼고 수면위에 떠서 어디론가 흘러가듯. 나의 도망을 이 세계로부터 흘려보내는 겁니다.

당신도 그렇게 도망쳐 본 적이 있나요? 불안했나요. 아니면 행복했나요.

예전에 저는 도망치면 자꾸.. 돌아갔습니다. 다시 내가 겪어내야하는 격정의 시기로 굴복을 하고 돌아갔어요. 모든게 실패였습니다.

삶에 원하는 것이라곤 딱하나였을지 모르겠습니다. 내가 알던 새로움 속으로 다시 유유히 유영하는 것, 밝고 행복한 모습으로 말입니다.

두번 다시 멍청한 내가 되기 싫어서. 도망치고 도망쳐서 멍청했던 과거의 나를 잊어버릴 때까지 가는 겁니다.

나의 불안했던 과거를 수용했어야했는데. 그러지 못해 고독하게 남아버린 껍데기만 그득합니다.

이런 지난 제 삶을 생각해보면 당신과도 많이 닮아있는 것 같다는 생각이 들어 가끔은 일상생활이 힘들때가 있습니다.

그럴 때마다 머릿속에 깜빡이가 켜지 듯, 자꾸만 우리를 둘러싸던 기억의 조각들이 내게 몰려와 마치 내게 당신이 정신차리라며 철썩하고 뺨을 때리는 것만 같은 기분이 듭니다.

정신차리자. 정신차리자. 이러한 말을 반복해서 입밖으로 내 뱉다가 문득 지나온 제 삶이 너무 형편없어서 눈물이 났습니다.

그럴 때면 당신은 분명 실의에 빠진 저를 위로했을 겁니다.

두손을 꽉 쥐고서 절대 그렇지 않다며. 너는 그렇게 형편없는 사람이 아니라며. 잘 살고 있는 거라며.

나는 당신을 잘 모르고 당신도 나를 잘 모르지만, 그러한 생각만으로도 당신은 늘 몇번이고 나를 그렇게 삶에 구렁텅이에서 끄집어내 살게했으니까요.

언젠가는 제가 더 잘 살게되는 날이 올까요. 가을의 나무를 다시 사랑하게 될 날이 오면 좋겠습니다.

[star-shorts365]

[스타 쇼츠 ] 오윤아가 아들 민이의 성장에 뭉클해했다. #스타쇼츠 #shorts #short #스레드 #스팔 #쇼츠라인

[mofufufu]

내방 진짜 귀여운?듯?

[eunload]

귀두

일찍 일어났네요. 메신저 너머 그 남자가 대답했다. 네, 항상 이시간에. 일 마쳤겠네요. 내가 대답하자 그는 감기기운이 있어 컨디션이 좋지 않다고 했다. 요근래 바람이 좀 차지긴 했다. 내가 사는 곳에는.

이따 약 받으러 가도 되요? 그리고 저번에 어깨 주물러줬던 것 좀 한번 더 부탁하려고요. 남자는 뻔뻔하게도 물어봤다. 집에 종합감기약도 없는 남자라니. 그러면서 슬그머니 내게 남편은 언제 나가냐고 물어봤었다. 나는 그 속을 다 알면서도 9시 이후 아무때나 오라고 했다.

방금 막 씻고왔다는 남자는 밤새 일해서 그런지 조금 피곤해 보였다. 아, 약 찾으러 왔죠. 지금 아이 밥먹이는 시간이라 좀 정신이 없었어요. 거실에 앉아 약통을 뒤지는 내 옆에 다가와 내 손을 만졌다. 나를 바라보는 그 남자의 얼굴을 보고, 나는 조심스래 손을 거뒀다.

제가 좀 피곤해 보이죠. 요새 통 잠을 잘 못잤어요. 나는 며칠 밤중에 깨면 그사람에게 안기는 상상이 들어 잠을 자지 못했다는 사실을 털어놓았다. 내 자위영상을 본 남자가 남편과 그 다음날 아침 테니스를 친다니. 부끄���움에 얼굴이 새빨개지고 계속 머릿속에서 떠나지 않아 잠이 들기도, 떨쳐내기도 어려웠다. 아 그랬어요? 저는 잘 잤는데. 남자는 의외라는 표정을 지으며 내 허벅지에 손을 올렸다. 그랬다니 억울하네요. 애석한 표정을 지으며 웃다가, 그의 반바지에 시선이 꽂혔다. 나역시 그의 태닝된 허벅지가 예뻐보여 저절로 손이 갔다. 손가락을 세워 조심스럽게 만지니 살결이 좋죠? 하면서 웃어보인다.

아, 어깨 주물러 달라고 했잖아요. 나는 굳은 어깨 때문에 고생하고 있는 그의 뒷편에 앉게됐다. 잘 부탁한다며 등을 맡긴 그 사람의 어깨를 조심스럽게 주무르다, 내 허벅지와 엉덩이를 더듬거리고 한웅큼 쥐어보는 그 사람을 느꼈다. 나는 그의 어깨를 잘 주무르다가도 엉덩이 깊은 곳을 콱 웅켜쥐는 순간에는 몸에 힘이풀려 잠시 멈출 수 밖에 없었다. 너무 그렇게 만지면. 내가 한마디 하자 아, 장난이에요. 라며 그는 팔을 돌려 주무르는 행위를 그만뒀다.

이제 가서 잠도 자야겠다며 자리에서 일어난 그는 나를 화장실로 끌고가 불도 켜지 않은 채 벽에 기대게 했다. 아이가 옆에서 우리가 뭘 하는건지 골똘하게 쳐다보고 있었다. 한번만 볼래요? 그러더니 남자는 바지를 살짝 드러내 그 안에 내 시선이 꽂히게 만들었다. 나는 순간 안된다는 이성의 끈과 그 남자의 페니스를 보게 된 본능과 싸우며 안절부절 못하게 됐다. 아니, 안돼요. 안돼요. 내 몸이 부들거리며 떨리는게 느껴졌다. 그러거나 말거나 남자는 내 손을 웅켜쥐어 기어코 자신의 귀두 끝에 닿게 했다. 살짝만 닿았는데도 뜨거웠다. 너무나도 빨고 싶다는 생각이 들었지만 나는 고개를 돌리고 그 자리에서 도망쳤다. 아이가 여전히 옆에 있었다.

가야겠네요, 진짜로. 남자는 현관문 앞에 서 나를 물끄러미 바라보더니 다시한번 내 손을 붙잡아 자신의 바짓속으로 집어넣었다. 너무나 순식간에 일어난 일이라 어찌 거부할 겨를도 없이 나는 그걸 만지게 됐다. 살짝 휘어 있었다. 순간 그 휘어진 모양새가 상상이 돼 얼른 손을 빼고선 남자를 제대로 쳐다보지도 못하고 문을 닫았다. 잘 가란 인사는 했겠지. 그가 떠나간 자리에서 나는 한참을 멍때리다 조금 울적해져 아이와 함께 밖으로 나갔다.

사실은 벼래별 생각 다 했어요, 이미. 아, 어떤 생각? 올라타서, 끌어안고, 키스하고, 허릴 흔들고. 그렇게 온몸으로 느끼고 싶다고. 메신저 뒷편에 있는 그가 다시 발기했다고 털어놓는다. 내 영상을 보고 어땟을까, 자위했을까? 어떻게 사정했을까? 나의 말에 그는 아까 헤어지고 나서도 사정했었다고 한다. 그래요, 아까워라. 나는 메신저로 씁쓸한 표정이 다 전해지지 않아 다행이라 생각하며 말을 이었다. 수영복 입었을 때, 태닝된 등과 허벅지를 봤을 때. 어떻게 생겼을까? 궁금했죠. 뭐가 어떻게 생겨요? 남자는 '뭐'를 궁금해했는지 질문했다. 뭐긴요, 자지. 내가 대답했다.

내가 빨고 싶다 고백하자 그가 내게 걸레같다는 표현을 했다. 자기도 나한테 보지 빨고 싶다고 말했으면서. 나는 어이가 없단 생각이 들었다. 근데 임산부면, 보지에 싸도 돼요? 라고 질문하는 그에게 나는 그런 상상을 하는 사람이 더 걸레 아닌가요. 하며 웃어보였다. 달리 거절의 뜻은 내비추지 않은 채.

그날 밤 나는 멈추지 않는 성욕을 주체 못하고 밤늦게 남편을 건드렸다. 젖꼭지를 빨리는 내내 그 남자를 생각하자 온몸에 감각이 살아나는 듯 했다. 신음조차 나오지 않던 내가 한껏 예민해져 있었다. 아, 지금 이 모습을 보게된다면 무척이나 좋아할텐데. 그런 생각이 들었다.

나 기구로 좀 해줘. 나의 요청에 남편이 임신했는데 막 넣어도 돼? 라며 묻는다. 무슨소리야, 그럼 섹스는 어떻게 한대. 내가 어이가 없단 투로 대답하니 남편이 기구에 젤을 발라 삽입해준다. 스위치를 켜자 바로 반응이 오면서, 눈을 감고 그 사람을 상상하기에 더 쉬워졌다. 나는 한참을 그 기구를 즐기다 완전히 침대와 물아일체가 됐다. 만족의 한숨이 나왔다. 남편은 그런 내 위로 올라와 몇번 삽입을 하더니, 안되겠다며 자지를 뺏다. 내가 자위를 하는동안 계속 만져댄 탓이랬다. 아, 그럼 나 뒤로 해줘. 남편과 했을 때 가장 잘 느껴지는 자세로 마무리하자고 부탁하자 이 자세는 귀두 윗부분이 너무 잘 느껴진다며 토로한다. 귀두, 아까 그 귀두. 남편은 몇번 삽입을 하더니 나의 등 위로 사정을 했다.